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helpimstuckhere · 3 years

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PART II

+chapter 22 analysis

(and don’t worry you don’t need to read anything else to understand part II:D)

good humans, greetings:) since latest chapter was translated, as promised here’s the part II of my previous post. i listened to Just a Ride by Rishloo on the loop while writing this and i completely recommend it! please feel free to comment and give me feedback, it always broadens my horizons to interact with you people :D first, let’s talk about the latest chapter, which i’m glad i waited for. such a short chapter wears quite the weight.

if i were to dissect chapter 22, there would be three main parts

1-hibino and yamato

hibino not letting yamato kiss him made me quite happy for the guy, since self respect somehow doesn’t seem to exist in many of the other works in the same genre. and also, him calling yamato uncool wasn’t really uncalled for considering the situation. i actually didn’t think much of it until the same thought was repeated two more times, then it became a full-on attack lmao. (i think jackverglas also pointed this out!) mostly to show yuiji finding that uncoolness likable and not disappointing like hibino seems to believe it is. the panel below might be the most obvious example of that, the way yamato says hibino isn’t happy with yamato’s true self and answering “it’s fine” when nacchan asks if that’s actually okay with him seemed truly heartbreaking to me. someone that could make you happy, nacchan said. that’s someone who likes you as you are and in this situation, hibino sadly doesn’t fit the criteria.

but rather than that the main purpose behind the first couple of pages were to create conflict. yamato, who’s in love with the idea of love in general is now desperate to the point he falls into the pit of so called modern day romance. he’s quickly trying to separate his romantic feelings from yuiji, forcefully trying to switch them onto somebody else, anybody else but yuiji to be exact. yamato’s side of the story is thus concluded and the responsibility for their relationship seems to fall on yuiji for now. while yuiji figures himself out, his ticking time with yamato should also be one of the reasons that makes him move. after all conflict itself is created to make progress. where there are problems, there are also changes.

2- nacchan and yamato

here’s nacchan being an absolute angel:

this time nacchan’s feelings for yamato seemed to lose their control over her. she was able to properly support him as a friend and didn’t seem disheartened by the news. maybe her romantic feelings toward him are slowly withering but of course that’s far from certain considering her personality. nacchan is nice to the point of naivety at times. right now, she knows the whole situation the best. from yamato’s feelings towards yuiji to why he decided to work things out with hibino, she sees clear as day that yamato’s going through a lot. nacchan seems to support yamato’s idea, probably thinking he doesn’t really have a chance with yuiji. so that could also be why nacchan’s romantic feelings doesn’t seem so obvious, since she’s concerned with yamato’s issues before all. she’s the type to put others before herself after all, but still isn’t yuiji supposed to be the same when it comes to yamato?

then, for an example here’s how different yuiji and nacchan’s reactions are to the ‘good news’ yamato had to offer. if nacchan is the one who’s in love with yamato why do their reactions seem to be so drastically different in the opposite way around?

these pictures kinda speak for themselves so i’m shutting my trap and leaving it up to your interpretations lmao

3- mayu and yuiji

the last part’s purpose was to close the door to yuiji’s past relationship with mayu and to open a new one heading to his future. their relationship is officially concluded for sure this time, as them being friends (which deserves an enthusiastic yes. yes to a healthy relationship!)

in the panel above, mayu talks about something yuiji has been worrying about for a while. she adresses an issue that maybe happened a while ago, and maybe it wasn’t talked about after their arc. but it’s an issue that exists regardless. in yuiji’s mind, they didn’t have a clean break-up at all, did they? when they were breaking up, the sentence that hit me the most was “i’m slowly hating the idea of love itself”. a way of thinking that’s simply enough to make one avoid romance in general, especially for a person like yuiji. this concern of his was never addressed after his arc with mayu (until now) but that doesn’t mean it ceased to exist. it simply wasn’t too obvious since yuiji’s focus was mostly on yamato’s hassles and to be fair, it’s been a while since we last witnessed his thoughts at all. this is why i loved how with mayu’s reappearance, those old books were reopened. a tiny detail maybe, but it made the whole story come together while also giving it a new life. her advice is also quite meaningful within itself. the best way to solve a problem is to directly go to the cause of it, but in this case, the cause, mayu came to him. not to make everything harder but to actually help him solve his inner issues that he had after their relationship. in that regard, her words hold the most power. and what she chose to say was that every person is different and thus every relationship also differentiate from one another. one bad experience doesn’t mean shit if in the end, he manages to find the person who’s right for him. but who is this ‘right person’ guy and do we know him?

so um, well we’ve been played in this part... i’m sure there are some posts as to what has been said here, i avoided those to come up with an opinion of my own. but still, there’s no clear-cut idea that comes to mind.

there are 3 criteria she stated

1-like someone who you can really like

2-you think things through to the point you over analyze so loving you is a bit hard (find someone who can love that side of you)

3-since you think things through, ......... i hope you can find someone like this

it’s most probable that she didn’t randomly mention something that didn’t have anything to do with her previous statements and thus those sentences play an important role. to explain where i’m coming from i’ll first focus on the first two conditions. the thing is, both of them are pretty straightforward about pointing to yamato. “like someone who you can really like” gives me flashbacks to the 8495 “i like you” lines we’ve got in the first 22 chapters. yuiji quite clearly enjoys yamato’s presence, his existence eases his mind and the way he’s open about his feelings makes yamato unproblematic for yuiji even though he’s basically ‘problems’ with legs and an ability to speak. “you tend to over analyze so loving you can be a bit hard” not much to say about this when that over analyzing part of yuiji is what yamato needed the most. to be fair, considering yamato likes calm and quiet types, there doesn’t seem to be one thing that he actually dislikes about yuiji’s personality. can’t say the same about his face though lmao. not the small and cute type at all...

for plot purposes the third condition is probably also related to yamato, and it should be more straightforward to the point it had to be concealed for now. it either a. makes yuiji understand his feelings for yamato or b. makes yuiji want to do something about his feelings that he’s already aware of and both of them results in yuiji finally starting to move. after all, while the first part of chapter 22 was to create conflict, the last part is to make progress using that conflict.

as for what she actually said, a lot of theories could be formed but i feel like whatever i say would be quite baseless no matter how hard i try. still, i’m pretty sure that’s what people expect to see the most so let me try my best for you guys. i cannot physically come up with more than two theories though... be aware that i’m diving into this blind and with no previous planning whatsoever so expect some bullshit lol

so for this one to actually work we need to make a lot of assumptions. the biggest one being, “yuiji isn’t sure about his feelings yet but he noticed the slight changes in yamato.” then we could make it work just barely. what mayu basically said was “since you think things through you should like someone who you really like” and “i really think you think things through. that’s why ..... i hope you can meet someone like that.” he should find someone who he really likes because he thinks things through, so shouldn’t he also find someone who really likes him for the same reason. something along the lines of “since you’re this way, you need someone who really likes you as well. i hope you can find someone like that.”

as to how i reached this conclusion, as i said the sentence should be an obvious hint at yamato in my opinion. if we make the assumption of yuiji being aware of yamato’s feelings, their conversation as a whole leads them to yamato. the guy who yuiji really likes, the guy that accepts him and really likes him as well. also hearing this from mayu plays quite an important role. it’s something big enough to make yuiji, who already has feelings for the guy, think a relationship with yamato is possible. knowing the way yuiji is, i’d say someone liking him is enough for him to consider that person as a love interest. he isn’t a hopeless romantic like yamato after all. that person being a male complicates things for sure, but with yamato’s existance around him the idea of two guys being in love probably doesn’t seem so unordinary to him anymore. that would also explain why that line was censored by the school bell. since it would directly hint at yamato’s feelings being known to yuiji. which is an info that should be confidential at this point????? i’m definitely spouting nonsense am i not lmao. i could probably point out around 7 things that doesn’t really make sense but i’ll just ignore my inner turmoil and focus on the positive for once in my life

so i do think yuiji knowing about yamato’s feelings is quite possible. i can’t really imagine him ever making a move without being sure of the other sides feelings towards him as of yet, or even noticing his own feelings to be exact. also with the way things are, yamato doesn’t seem to be the one who makes the final move. this is why i thought this theory (barely) made sense. with mayu as well, yuiji’s main focus was the feelings being mutual. “she liked me and i liked her so we just casually started going out.” the pronoun changing of course makes things more complicated but in the end of the day it doesn’t mean shit. what stops it from being “he liked me and i liked him so we just casually started going out.”?

and this theory completely depends on the translation lol. after mayu said [redacted] she also added “i’m not in a position to say this. given how you thought our relationship became a hassle”. when i first saw that blank space this was the first thing that came to my mind: “someone who you really like as a friend before a lover, i hope you find someone like that.” as i stated before, this is also something that directly points at yamato, as the close friend figure who yuiji feels really comfortable around. but a friend figure who could also develop feelings for him. and also, it would explain why mayu thought it wasn’t her place to say what she said. because even though they were friends first, their relationship still didn’t work out. but it wasn’t only yuiji’s fault, she continues, it was her fault too. that could be to reassure yuiji, after all they were friends too, maybe just not as close as they thought they were.

this is kind of a reach as well. she’s probably saying “it isn’t my place to say” purely because they’re ex-lovers but hey i’m absolutely stuck and i had two clues in mind lmao. and that was me considering the bell to not go on for too long (this isn’t a sports anime where they fly in air while scoring and somehow have a monologue for a whole episode lol) so my logic said she could only squeeze in a single sentence that was an absolute headshot. if i somehow manage to regain my dead braincells, i’ll be sure to come up with something else that actually makes sense:D

YUIJI

“i wish i were a guy. then yamato could fall for me.” after a pause, with such a sad expression too, yuiji refuses. most times, things that aren’t said mean much more than the ones that are. what kind of sentence fills that silence, i keep asking myself. is it him, thinking it’s inconsiderate to talk in such a way after all yamato went through? did the possibility of yamato actually having feelings for him strike after nacchan pointed it out?

or is it because he himself is now questioning what he’s feeling for a guy friend, that he refuses after a pause?

for a while there’s been one thing i was sure of and one that i wasn’t so certain about. i’m almost sure yuiji likes yamato and i wasn’t certain if he knew this himself. as i mentioned before, i was suspicious of him already noticing his feelings when in chapter 21, his general reaction to the whole confession was just out of the ordinary and the behavior he’s shown afterwards is way touchier than the usual though i still think i’m over analyzing that part lol. the fact that he’s got a whole conversation in this chapter to make him start moving, yamato deciding to give hibino a chance for sure and us not seeing yuiji’s thoughts at all for a while now only seem to support the fact that he knows. and also, unless mikeda causes a major shitshow that suddenly enlightens yamato to go and confess, that responsibility also seems to fall on yuiji’s shoulders as of now. that guy doesn’t seem like the type to confess two minutes after he figures out his feelings though. at this point i think he knows that his feelings seem to be different from before but he just isn’t sure about what he should do about it.

being interested in both genders, especially in a more conservative country usually leads up to a heterosexual lifestyle. many, including me, chooses the easier way out. when you can lead a so called ‘normal’ life where you’re accepted by the ones that are around you, choosing otherwise is just a hassle. but then again the heart wants what it wants. acceptance doesn’t guarantee happiness but a relationship with love doesn’t guarantee it either, at that point you measure your circumstances and decide for yourself. and that’s what i think is going through yuiji’s mind right now. yuiji seems to be interested in what makes a person rather than their gender. he wasn’t really able to differentiate between the two genders from way before, treating both women and men the same, which mayu didn’t like. he’s someone who questions if a straight guy could accept dating another guy (which means that isn’t exactly a straight guy lmao). just the prejudice causing him to accept that as a possibility while still wanting to remain ‘straight’.

i think yuiji knows a lot more than we think he does. that’s what i’ll stick with.

and as for the less serious part of this post

let me over analyze to my heart’s content lmao

here’s yuiji’s reactions to yamato being yamato over the chapters. in the first occurrence he’s simply surprised, at this point he isn’t blushing and only is taken aback a bit. while in the second stiuation he’s blushing a little but he’s still uncomfortable and leans back trying to get away. as for the last one, rather than being taken aback and changing his postion, he instinctively touches his cheek while blushing. more than uncomfortable he seems surprised even though yamato’s action is way more daring than before.

here’s yuiji single-handedly defeating inner homophobia, not having very straight thoughts, going thorough quite the excessive feelings that make him want to take revenge in yamato’s place and deciding to go watch gay porn the day he notices the existence of a gay guy for reasons unknown... what a guy lol

and so that concludes it, this post had too broad of a topic and to not make it too long a lot of things were cut (it clearly didn’t work) next time i’ll be more specific with my themes lmao

thank you so much for reading this far, take good care of yourselves and as always feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions! love you all :)!

#koimonogatari #tagura tohru #my poor brain isn’t big enough for this #and my poor hands are also hurting #but i’m finally done #well at least i’ll have it easy with english essays in the future lmao #i hope i didn’t just state the obvious :((( that always scares me #oh and #sorry for being so late:/#life lol #<33

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paper-chain-queen · 4 years

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String of Fate 2

Kyo Sohma X Freader

The part 2 that I don’t think anyone on tumblr wanted XD but here it is

Soulmate Au / Red string that connects you to your soulmate

Words: 3,000+

Rating: Teen, Some swearing

Summary: Kyo thinks the universe is against him and the reader finds herself in a terrible nightmare that she hopes will end soon. And... someone should really just ban me from my keyboard already :p

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"NO! Stay the hell away from me!"

You replayed the clip in your mind of the orange-haired boy who was your soul mate had jumped out a second-story window to get away from you. Kyo Sohma had ripped your heart out of your chest and smashed it on the ground. And then stepped on it.

Or at least, that's what it felt like.

"I'm home..." You called out to the house as you slipped off your flats. The house smelled good, like freshly baked goods, and a tangy citrus smell wafted out of the kitchen.

"Welcome home honey, how was your first day of school?" Your grandmother asked as she stepped out of the kitchen and smiled at you, wiping her hands on her apron. Your grandfather and Mother were nowhere to b found.

"It was fine, thank you. Where Jiji and Okaa-San? " you asked as you slipped into the kitchen and peeked into the fridge.

" They had to go to the market."

"I'm going to lay down for a bit." You told her, giving her a small fake smile as you passed.

"Not feeling well?"

Well, I met my soulmate, and he jumped out a window to get away from me, so yeah, 'I'm not feeling well.'

"Just tired, big day and all" It wasn't exactly a lie, more like... withholding details.

"Here, baked fresh. You can even eat it in your room. But don't tell you're Jiji." She handed you a muffin, and it was still warm from the oven, it looked delicious.

I wonder if Kyo liked lemon poppy seed muffins?

You felt your mood worsen as you realized that he would probably smack it out or your hand or something even if you got within speaking distance.

"Thanks, Baba." You took the muffin and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

You escaped into your new room and dropped your bag on your floor and placed the muffin on your desk. You didn't have much of an appetite at the moment.

Letting out a large sigh, you flopped down on the bed, grabbing a fluffy pillow and curling yourself around it. Hoping to find some small sliver of comfort.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be.

You lifted your hand and looked at the red string. You had someone finally found him.

Kyo Sohma was your soul mate.

And he had screamed at you to get away before even trying to get to know you. You felt your eyes burn and you clenched them shut and curled your body in tighter as if that could keep you safe.

I'm an idiot... to believe in the soulmate thing...

A true fucking idiot

Your phone vibrated, and you ignored it for a bit.

Til it buzzed again. And again. And again.

Letting out a huff you reached over and grabbed your phone, the screen lit up, and you had 4 messages. All from (BF/N).

-Miss you already!-

-Hope your making friends!-

-Went for ice cream today, wish you were here!-

The fourth message was a selfie of her and her soul mate, Katie. Both had over the top sad faces, and if you were in a better mood, you might have giggled, but all you felt was a slight bitterness. She had found her soulmate. And she's pretty sure Katie didn't scream at her to getaway.

-Katie wants to know how the cafeteria food at your school was like?-

-Also.. are you wearing a school uniform? If yes, we need pictures ;) -

You decided to answer all these questions later, and as for the uniform selfie... maybe never.

Right now, you just wanted to sleep.

Maybe this is all a bad dream

.-.-.-.-.-.-.

"Is anyone gonna tell me why Kyo came home early today?" Shigure asked the two teens as they sat down for dinner. There was a place made for Kyo, but he had yet to come down from the roof.

Tohru had tried to get him, but he was in a fouler mood than usual, snapping at her and telling her to 'go away.'.

" We had a new student today, and the stupid cat threw a fit and ran away." Yuki scoffed before taking a bite.

"Oh, a new student, that's exciting. What's he do to make Kyo snap?" Shigure enjoyed a bit of gossip.

"SHE didn't do anything. The Idiot just screamed at her and jumped out the window." The student council president had spent a good ten minutes apologizing on Kyo's behalf, but there was something about the crestfallen look on the girl's face that made him want to slap the Cat for being so rude.

" Poor (L/N)-San, she looked completely devasted." Tohru had been at the other end of one of Kyo's angry moments, and it could be disheartening and a little scary. She hoped that the girl wasn't taking it too hard.

"I think anybody would be upset had someone acted that way towards them...I wonder what made our Kyo snap on her? Was she trying to hug him or something" Shigure asked, but the teens shook their heads to say 'no.' Tohru couldn't erase the look on the new student's face and the way she stared sadly down at their hand and to the desk that Kyo had occupied all day.

Tohru had wanted to try to make friends with her during the lunch break, but she had disappeared, and when (y/n) had returned, her eyes were red and slightly swollen.

" You should try to befriend her Tohru-Kun, it must be scary being a new student. It sounds like she could use a friend like you." Shigure put forward, a bright smile on his face. Yuki didn't trust it, but then again, he rarely trusted the Dog.

"Oh! That's a great idea, I'd love to be her friend!" Tohru felt empowered with Shigure's words.

"And maybe invite her over sometime. I'd love to meet a cute foreign highschooler." This earned Shigure to have chopsticks thrown at him by Yuki, who called him deplorable as he did so.

The brunette didn't really notice the two cousins clashing as she thought of how she could introduce herself, maybe make extra food for lunch so she could share it with (y/n).

Tohru was going to make friends with the new student and make her feel welcomed. And also try and tell her that Kyo wasn't all that bad.

She thought of the orange-haired boy on the roof and hoped he would feel better soon and hopefully make things right tomorrow.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

It wasn't a dream, you had 'met' your soulmate, and he had no intention of seeing you.

Kyo didn't return..... it had been two days, and he had yet to return to school.

His cousin, the 'prince' of the school, Yuki Sohma had apologized for Kyo's actions. Two people couldn't be any more different in terms of looks and personality.

Well... not like you really knew anything about Kyo's personality other then he might have a temper.

Yuki was another very handsome boy, and you could see why he was so popular, but he just didn't light a fire in your heart the same way Kyo had with one simple glance.

You had asked Yuki if his cousin was okay, but the grey-haired boy simply told you that Kyo was just...like that? And that you shouldn't worry about him. He had said so while smiling, contrasting his harsh words, and you'd be lying if you said that it didn't creep you out a little bit.

They must not get along...

Tohru, a friendly girl with large kind eyes from your class, had been quick to befriend you, offering you a place with her friends during lunch hours. She even tried to defend Kyo's actions, stating that he really was a wonderful person.

Him being a 'wonderful' person somehow made you feel worse. You told Tohru that it was nothing for her to worry about, but she didn't seem convinced.

Her two friends Uotani and Hanajima were... interesting but very lovely people. Your ebony-haired classmate could even sense 'waves' and had outed you to her friends about the red string wrapped around your finger. You wondered what else her mysterious powers were capable of. Tohru was enthusiastic about you having a soul mate. Apparently, her parents had been soul mates and had been absolutely crazy for each other.

Your own enthusiasm was non-existent. Now you were just worried about Hanajima being able to connect the strings through her 'superpowers' when Kyo did return.

If she had been able to sense yours, then it was possible she was able to detect Kyo's and knew what he was to you. Not only were you heartbroken, but you were also now aware that someone else knew about your humiliating rejection.

Things at home were... fine. You didn't tell anyone what had happened and tried to put on a brave face. But your Mother, who was usually aloof to how you were feeling, had noticed that something was wrong. Her idea of a fixer-upper?

A shopping trip. At least your Mother tried.

Plus, your grandmother kept trying to feed you baked goods, but you just weren't hungry. Their hearts were in the right place, and they wanted to make you feel at home.

But how were you supposed to tell them why you were sad?

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

As you walked through the school hallways, you wondered if Kyo would show up. He was missing so much class.

Even if you were hurt by him, and you should be angry at the boy. You couldn't do it. All you wanted was answers.

Why did he run away? Why was he so mad at you? How was he doing? Was he okay? What were his interests? What kind of food did he like? Was his hair as soft as it looked?

Perfect. I'm thinking about the guy who screamed at me to 'get away'. Maybe I should ask if I can take his homework to him, perhaps we can talk and - Oh?

You slid open the classroom door, and there he was. His beautiful orange-hair seemed to be glowing in the morning light.

Day four and the boy who successfully ripped your heart of your chest had finally returned to school. The boy at the other end of your red string sat in his desk with his arms crossed and staring out the window. You held your hand over your heart to try and calm it down and took a deep breath.

It's now or never...maybe this time... will be better

"Um... hello" You tried to greet him as you approached his desk, hopeful that this time he wouldn't try to leap out the window.

"Don't." He snapped, not even turning to look at you.

" But I-" You tried again, but this time he turned and gave you a hard glare, but you stood your ground, waiting to hear his side. You could hear a few other students in the room whispering as they looked over at the two of you.

"Come with me." He said, and he got up from his desk and left the classroom, you quickly hurried after him, a little spark of hope in you as you fell in step behind him. He would look back at you every so often, and every time you looked into his eyes, you felt your heart jump, a fluttering feeling in your stomach. You even smiled at him when you caught him looking back.

His orange eyes widened at your smile, and he let out a huff and turned around, continuing to lead you up a staircase. You couldn't help but notice that the tip of his ears were slightly red.

Maybe he's had to time to cool off, maybe he was overwhelmed with meeting me, maybe..... just maybe

He opened a door, just leaving it open long enough for you to follow. He had led you to the roof, you felt a small breeze and closed your eyes, the fresh air helping to put you a bit at ease. You were feeling lighter already.

Maybe everything's going to be alright...

You turned to Kyo, waiting for him to say something and you were met with his back. His shoulders were tense, and you could sense his agitation but assumed it was just nervous.

"Here's how this is going to work, You're gonna stay the hell away from me. Don't talk to me, and I'm gonna pretend that you don't exist." He declared, and you felt your blood go cold. The light hope in your heart had grown and been struck down all within a moment. Kyo took a deep breath and then turned to face you, his eyes glaring daggers into you. The fluttering feeling of butterflies had turned to spiders crawling.

Kyo Sohma didn't want to even try or be friends or anything. Was it so easy to squash my feelings as if I were an ant beneath his shoes. Did the universe really think that this was the man I was meant to be with?

" I don't understand.." you whispered... it wasn't even towards him, but he just sneered at your comment. As if you were supposed to be understanding.

" I never wanted this. To me, this soulmate thing is bullshit. It's a curse. I don't want you." He spat, his words felt like sharp knives, and you had no shield to protect you.

" Ya should've stayed wherever the hell you came from but because I have the worst luck in the world... you're here. Do me a favour. Stay. Away. From. Me." He sounded it out, slowly, word by word, as if he was speaking to a child.

Am I truly that disgraceful in his eyes? Does he even see me as a person? Did he ever care about the person at the other end of the string?

You were cursing Tohru in your mind for getting your hopes up because she was wrong. Kyo Sohma was NOT a wonderful person.

The universe was also wrong. Life was too short to be treated this way. Your Mother wasn't going to take any more shit from your father, and you weren't going to take it from Kyo Sohma.

"..fine... asshole." You muttered under your breath as you were about to walk away.

"What did you say?" He grabbed you by the wrist, and you tried to ignore the jolt of electricity that went through you. His touch was warm, and you were able to take in his gorgeous tangerine eyes up close. It was a shame that they were glaring into yours.

Why did he have to be good looking?

"I said, FINE! I won't bother you. I'll leave you the hell alone. Now, do me a favour.... Let. Go." Your words felt bitter coming across your tongue, tears were burning in your eyes, but you stood your ground.

"Tch." He didn't say anything, he released you and stormed off the roof through the door you had come through. Leaving you alone.

You never prepared yourself for this. This pain. It was worse than anything. Worse than the time you tripped down the concrete stairs and broke your arm. Worse than the time you went swimming in the ocean and was stung by a jellyfish. Worse than having to leave your childhood home behind.

"It's a curse."

Those were his words.

You wanted to run away. But there was a proud part of you that felt like if you did that, then Kyo would win whatever battle you two were having.

How did it come to this?

Hot, salty tears flowed from your eyes and down your cheeks, wails left your throat, and you cried like a child. Any hope you had was gone. Kyo Sohma wanted nothing to do with you.

And if that's what he wanted... then fine. You would not speak with him or even look at him. And once high school was over, you would never look back.

You grabbed your handkerchief and tried to calm yourself down, hoping you had enough time to pull your self together before the first bell rang.

Kyo's words just kept ringing in your ears.

" I don't want you "

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Kyo marched into the boys' bathroom, narrowly colliding with another student it was coming out. The stranger was about to yell at him to watch where he was going, but after seeing the wild look in the orange-haired boy's eyes decided it was better to stay quiet and pretend it didn't happen.

The frustrated boy went the sink and gripped the edge, trying to breathe and calm himself down. He ran the tap and splashed his face with water, hoping it could help wash away the terrible feeling that was running through his body.

He was sweating, but his body felt cold like he had a fever or something. The boy thought maybe he caught a cold or something by spending the last two nights under the stars, trying to get his head straight and come up with the best way to solve his 'problem.'

Rehearsing, going over his words. He wanted to make (Y/N) want nothing to do with him. Push her away. Make her wish that she had never met him.

And by the broken look in her eyes and the hollow sound in her voice, he succeeded. (Y/N), his soul mate, was going to hate him and stay away from him.

A wave of nausea flew over through him and leaned over the sink, retching what little was in his stomach, dry heaving.

He couldn't get her face out of his head. Kyo wanted to run his hands through her hair, wondering if it was as soft as it looked. Her small smile that was directed at him when he looked over his shoulder. God, it was beautiful, and it made his heart race and made him feel like he could take on anything.

But then...

The look on her face when he told her to stay away, when he lied. Telling her that he didn't want her. Kyo felt his heart drop to the floor, and his skin felt ice cold. Her large eyes filled with sorrow, a profound sadness that dropped him into this bottomless pit of hopelessness. The string around his pinky no longer felt tight, but there now seemed to be a heaviness to it. Weighing him down.

Everything hurt now

But this was all for the best... right?

It was always hopeless, to begin with, so better to hurt her now rather than give her any sense of hope that they could be together.

Because he was cursed, and she was free to live her life without him.

She was beautiful and glowed like the sunshine. She could have anyone she wanted. Kyo knew it couldn't be him. That it shouldn't be him.

The cursed teenager looked down at the beads encircling his wrist and to the red string wrapped around his pinkie. Taunting him.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-. To Be Continued? .-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

#fruits basket fanfiction #Fruits Basket #kyo sohma #kyo sohma x reader #fruits basket x reader #fanfiction #continue?

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imalwaysaslutfordrag · 4 years

Note

how about 19 for the prompts? with anybody and Nicky ;)

You know that if you give me free rein, I’m gonna make it methydoll. It’s just how it is, I can’t help it. This also got weirdly long, so I’m sorry.

“God, you are so fucking cute.”

When Crystal interviewed for this job, she had expected something more glamorous.

Crystal had always wanted to be a model. From the time she could walk she was strutting down cardboard runways haphazardly constructed with random boxes she and her sisters found laying around. In high school, she participated in every fashion show, whether she was the one walking or the one keeping the show running smoothly.

Following her passion lead to her moving to California two months ago. She interviewed at almost every agency, twice. They just weren’t interested. She was too quirky looking. Too strange on the eyes.

After about a year of searching, she finally found a place that would hire her. But the job wasn’t in front of a camera, or on a runway, it was waiting in line for coffee. Crystal was disheartened at first, but she figured that if she kept on, one day she might finally catch her big break.

On this particular day, Crystal was late. She was running like a madwoman up and down the streets of LA, flinging out apologies left and right. When she finally made it to the shooting space, she had three angry faces to answer to. Her boss grabbed the coffee out of her hand with a huff and a glare, while the model that Crystal mainly worked for, Gigi, just rolled her eyes at Crystal.

“Is it really so hard to get coffee?” Gigi asked, venom dripping off her words.

Crystal was about to counter with a smart ass reply when her attention was pulled by the entrance of a gorgeous young woman. She was tall, short blonde hair, with cool blue eyes. Her commanding presence only amplified as she walked calmly over to Crystal’s boss.

Crystal suddenly noticed how no one was talking. The chatter and general merriment that usually filled the air were gone.

It was strange.

This woman made everyone nervous.

Everyone including Gigi, who plastered on a charming smile and sauntered over to the two women talking in hushed tones.

After a few phrases were passed back and forth, and Gigi batted her eyes big enough that they could be seen from outer space, the well-dressed woman began to unpack the bag that was slung over her shoulder. It took Crystal an embarrassingly long time to figure out that she was the photographer. The realization only came to her when the woman pulled out an expensive-looking camera and began to bustle about the set, tweaking the lights.

Crystal sat in the back of the room, she was called to grab drinks and snacks and whatever else the team required throughout the shoot, but never once did anyone raise their voice at her.

It was strange.

She was used to being screamed at for every little thing. This woman, this photographer, really must be important.

As time went on, it was clear something was off. The photographer was mumbling to herself and ordering Gigi around a lot more. The pictures weren’t turning out right. Or they weren’t good enough. Whatever it was, the young woman was over it and she called for the shoot to wrap early.

The shooting space was quickly evacuated, models and makeup people and production members scattered like flies until the only ones left in the room were Crystal’s boss and the photographer.

And even then, Crystal’s boss was following after the rest of the team. “Crystal, help Nicolette with her things,” she called over her shoulder.

Crystal sighed and got up from her seat in the back to approach the mysterious woman.

“Hey, can I help with anything?” She asked lightly.

The woman, Nicolette, barely looked up at her when she spoke. “Would you grab the box lights and bring them to me?”

“Yeah, sure,” Crystal smiled, even though Nicolette couldn’t see her.

She turned and went to do as she was asked when the woman called out to her.

“Wait, what was your...” Crystal turned around and the woman finally looked at her, then did a double-take, “name again?” Nicolette’s eyes ran up and down Crystal’s form and the corner of her mouth twitched up. “Wow, you’re, gorgeous.”

Crystal flushed to her hairline. “I-I, umm, I’m Crystal,” she fumbled over her words. Crystal couldn’t help it, the woman’s eye contact was weirdly mesmerizing.

Not to mention how stunning she looked up close.

“Where have you been all day, Crystal?”

And oh, she was French.

Crystal suddenly felt light-headed. She was a sucker for accents.

“J-just back there.” She pointed to her seat, all the while trying valiantly to look Nicolette in the eye.

“Sorry, am I making you nervous?” Nicolette asked, smirking. She was fully aware that she was making Crystal nervous. And she seemed to be enjoying it.

“No,” Crystal answered too quickly.

Nicolette chuckled darkly, and Crystal felt her stomach flip pleasantly at the sound. “God, you are so fucking cute.”

Crystal couldn’t help the flush spreading over her cheeks if she wanted to. “S-stop that,” she said, without any force behind the words.

Nicolette held her hands up in surrender. “If you insist.”

Crystal turned away from her and tried to shake the feeling of being watched.

It wouldn’t go away.

The next half-hour passed in a rosy haze, with Nicolette, who insisted on being called Nicky, taking every opportunity to compliment Crystal until her face was permanently stained red.

Luckily, or unluckily, there wasn’t much to clean up and they were finished packing up faster than Crystal would have liked.

"Can I get you anything else?” Crystal asked, nervous edge to her voice.

Nicky smiled, “Your number.”

Crystal hesitated. Not because she didn’t want to give it. Nicky was gorgeous. Too gorgeous. Maybe that was the problem. Because Crystal still couldn’t wrap her mind around the fact that such a beautiful woman wanted her.

Nicky dropped her charisma shield for a second and let her voice take on a more serious tone. “Hey, you can say no. I won’t mind. I just thought I’d ask.”

Crystal shook her head, trying to clear it of her jumbled thoughts. “It’s not that I don’t want to, I just- why me? I’m not... I’m not like all those models you shoot all day. I don’t look like that.”

Nicky furrowed her brow. “Because I like you. And I like the way you look,” Nicky said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Like there wasn’t anything weird about a girl like Nicky liking a girl like Crystal.

“You’d be the only one that does,” Crystal laughed bitterly.

Nicky shook her head. “You’ve been talking to the wrong people then.”

Crystal rolled her eyes and wouldn’t make eye contact anymore. Nicky took the opportunity to rummage around in her jacket pockets for something. A moment later she pulled out a card and held it out to Crystal. “Take this. It’s my phone number.”

Crystal looked at it skeptically.

“I promise, it’s not a come on!” Nicky defended herself. “Just, if you ever want headshots or... I don’t know... someone to talk to.”

Crystal smiled in spite of herself and took the card.

“Thank you,” Crystal said. And she meant it.

Nicky just nodded and the two of them wandered down to the still bustling city streets. They parted ways for the evening, but not before Nicky made sure Crystal’s Uber driver wasn’t creepy.

As Crystal sped off away from the space, she smiled to herself and pulled out her phone to dial the number on the card.

#methydoll #crystal x nicky #crystal methyd #nicky doll #nicky x crystal #fluff #photographer au #prompts #thanks for the prompt #lov u bby

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lorei-writes · 4 years

Text

Ieyasu x Witch!MC

Content Warnings:

Background: war, death, guns

Ieyasu x Witch!MC: injury, food mention

Background:

She was an apprentice herbalist, living in a remote village. She spent her youth wandering the forests and fields alike, the nature calling out to her.

She had barely reached her teenage years, when she got called for by the wise woman.

The woman was kind, the girls of the village oftentimes gathered around her, hoping to hear one of her stories. However, she lived alone and under no circumstance allowed anybody to come inside of her house.

Seeing something in her, the wise woman made an exception. She was appointed as her pupil.

As it was explained to her, their village prevailed throughout decades only because of the dire work of the guardian.

The guardian’s role was to heal the people and to appease the nature, becoming part of it if necessary. Only one was appointed at time, always chosen by the predecessor.

However, most conflicts could be resolved by words alone, the humans never daring to harm a woman without a warning first.

That time was different. The war swept through the land, arising a strange sort of rage - or perhaps, a need - in the hearts of local rulers. Allured by the prospect of power, angered with their own insignificance, the lords gathered small armies under their own command, all hoping to chew a piece of land for themselves. Yet, they needed money for that - a lot of it, the armour, weapons and provisions consuming all of it.

They raided the villages belonging to their opponents, taking away the crops. The wise woman tried to bargain with them, but to no avail - the blade ripped her flesh and soon, she became one with the earth again.

Her student couldn’t do a thing, the ancient chain of oral tradition broken before she even got close to mastering her arts.

Having lost the guardian, the village started to rot, nobody being able to deflect the bandits and other low-lives. She felt powerless, hatred blooming in her heart - if only she had saved her, if only she had studied harder. If only.

She was awoken at night by a bright light. Out of protection of both nature and humans, they had fallen a pray to the pillagers. The houses burned, as the last valuable items were being robbed. She ran out of her home, trying to asses the damage, begging to be able to do something.

She had to flee, followed by a group of men, the arrows slicing the air over her head. Her lungs burned, her legs slowing down. As soon as she entered the forest, she used one of the arts she was entrusted with - she abandoned her human form and escaped as a fawn.

Ieyasu x Witch!MC:

In her panicked state, she crossed the land and ventured into a battlefield. Before she knew it, a bullet grazed her hind leg, rendering her unable to turn back.

The panic set in, as she realised: the medicine was valuable. Nobody would waste it on an animal that could potentially be eaten.

As if to confirm her worries, a certain man with an eyepatch put forward the very idea. However, to her surprise, another human jumped to her defence.

“ I need to test the new salve. The doe will do,” he scoffed, lifting her up into the air.

Was it for the better or for the worse - she was not sure. She squirmed and wiggled as he cleaned her wound, attempting to escape his ministrations. However, as soon as the familiar scent of herbs filled her nostrils, she calmed down. The blonde must have bluffed all along.

She travelled back with them, Ieyasu taking care of her injury with tender patience.

She heard him speak, blurt out words contrary to the legitimate state of affairs, but she also got to experience his caring side - not a thing he could say would sway her, for she had never experienced anybody’s hands being so gentle.

However, as she healed, she knew the day would come when they’d have to part. Having memorized the rhythm of the manor, each night she tried to return to her human self.

The moon shone brightly on the sky. Her back straightened, as the fur receded, her joints and bones shifting back into their rightful position. It wasn’t the time yet, though, as her leg, ears and nose still were that of a doe.

Disheartened, she laid down on the ground, grass caressing her naked skin - another failure added to her long list of those.

She heard footsteps, coming from inside the building. Startled, she sat up, searching with her gaze for a place to hide in. She tried to run, but in her state, it was next to impossible.

“ Wasabi?” she heard Ieyasu’s voice. Stumbling over her feet, she fell down, a light of a lantern soon illuminating her. “ What are you?” he said, taking a step forward, his hand clutching the sword. “ I-I can explain!” she pleaded with him. “ Although you may not believe me. I am Wasabi.”

Before his eyes, she changed into her animal form and then back again.

Ieyasu threw his haori at her, a puzzled look in his eyes. “You are to leave. Now,” he demanded. “ Thanks for saving my life,” she answered, ignoring his harsh words. Hurt and confused, Ieyasu turned around and left.

However, he kept visiting her at nights, bringing human food with him. She dug into the dishes with utmost pleasure, finally enjoying the meals. “ Don’t choke down on it. I’m not going rescue you,” Ieyasu warned her, causing a smile to appear on her face. “ But it’s delicious!”

To his discontentment, she followed him as the fawn, forcing herself into his routine - perhaps it was because she really missed human company after all this time and couldn’t trust anybody else.

Regardless, the time flew by and soon, she could be fully human again.

Ieyasu carried the kimono for her, looking away as she put it on. However, he did not go away. “ Fine. You can go away now,” he claimed, but didn’t move. “ Would it be a bad thing if I didn’t want to go?” “ Do whatever you like. I don’t need you, “ Ieyasu looked away, as she reached for his hand. “ Of course you don’t. You’ll need practice calling me by my real name, not Wasabi,” she replied, smiling sweetly, the blush spreading to the tips of his ears just barely visible in the dim light of the lantern.

#ieyasu tokugawa #ikesen ieyasu #ikemen sengoku ieyasu #ikemen sengoku #ikemen series #ikesen #my hc

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yeaahishowedupatyourparty · 3 years

Text

OOC POST: My muses in AGE ORDER and a quick description about their relationship status. Sometimes I find people really want to plot serious connections or there’s a muse looking for a solid relationship - which is totally cool! some of mine are too. But, it’ll also give you the heads up if you’re trying to plot something romantic/fwb with them because you’ll know where they are currently at.

ANASTASIA - 28, 19th April - Aries, hetero

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, Married to an NPC. Anastasia is married but resents her husband. They were the blue print for Disney and Brody, Kendall and Mason and the rest of the arranged - yet not quite as smooth - relationships from the Carmichael family. Being the golden child and favourite for both parents, she was mainly concerned with pleasing them which meant she was married by 19 and then had her first child - Darcy - at twenty. Now, she’s older and has established herself as a successful business woman, she’s starting to realise her husband isn’t for her. Don’t be fooled though; she keeps him around for his old money family and the security of Darcy and Belle, but her eye is absolutely wandering and if she finds someone who ticks all of the right boxes at St Judes, she’d be more than willing to have an affair and perhaps eventually divorce.

DISNEY - 25, 15th December - Sagittarius, hetero

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, Married to Brody. The chances of her straying away from Brody and VERY low. She’s probably the most fixed out of all of my characters. She’s been with him since the beginning of high school, even though obviously at 11, they weren’t very serious, but after 14 years with him, she’s starting to realise she wouldn’t really know what to do without him. With that being said, HAPPINESS is a completely different subject. She’s content and she knows she’s treated decently but the problems that riddle their relationships have definitely taken away the initial spark she felt. While she might flirt and entertain things with others, Fleur and Dixie are her absolute #1 and she’d never do anything to pull the ‘perfect family image’ away from them.

PARK - 25, 15th December - Sagittarius, hetero

CURRENT STATUS: It’s complicated, involved with Gisele. Park definitely has feelings for Gisele, that much is obvious, but he’s also not someone to settle down just because of what he feels. Also, he doesn’t want to necessarily ‘settle down’ - the idea scares him. Commitment-phobe might be a bit far because he has genuinely committed to girlfriend’s in the past, but it takes a lot of time for him to be ‘ready’. They’ve agreed to be ‘exclusive’ though, which basically boils down to them only sleeping with each other and while he definitely keeps his promise on that, it doesn’t mean that she’s the only one who has his attention. If there’s genuine chemistry with somebody else, he’d 100% get to know them and then do whatever felt right.

POSIE - 25, 5th August - Leo, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Single, not looking to settle. Posie is definitely just enjoying being young and seeing who’s out there. She’s not really looking for a partner and is definitely more excited about the prospect of becoming a big model than settling down and finding a boyfriend or girlfriend. Posie’s ideal “love life” is causal hook-ups and maybe the occasional fun date but with no strings attached. That’s not to say that she WON’T fall for someone. If she met somebody who matched her energy and wasn’t so quick to tie things down, she’d probably stick around a little more and the process would be gradual. She holds the firm belief that settling down in your twenties is the equivalent to living your forties twice. The prospect of being limited or having to always consider somebody else frightens her.

RUBY - 24, 23rd December - Capricorn, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Newly single, not looking. Ruby very freshly has just broken up with Rosalie and is heart-broken about it. It’s in her nature to try and push through things and really focus on the positives like her work, friendships and family but she’s finding it painfully hard. Rosalie wasn’t just her girlfriend, but also her best friend. At this point in time, she really doesn’t appreciate anybody who tries to flirt or make her move on etc. In general, she’s been struggling with her self-esteem throughout the majority of her relationship. Rosalie was often disheartened by how successful Ruby’s career was, but Ruby always felt inferior and overlooked when it came to physical appearance. Being petite and lacking any of the popular/desired hour-glass features, she doesn’t think highly of how she looks at all and this definitely is making her stray away from being flirtatious or confident at the moment.

ALYSSA - 24, 17th June - Gemini, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Single, seeing what happens/open.

Alyssa is open to getting into a relationship but a lot like Posie, it isn’t her priority right now. She’s focused on her career and having fun but she isn’t actively resisting it either. She’s very go-with-the-flow in general and doesn’t put any pressure on herself to be settled down. I feel like she ideal situation(s) at the moment would definitely be more of an open situation, maybe one or two people she’s seeing and talking to before she gets deeper with anything. In terms of fwb, she’s definitely always open to that and is happy with one night stands.

ADRIAN - 23, 12th August - Leo, heterosexual

CURRENT STATUS: Taken/It’s complicated, with Holly.

Adrian has been in a long-term relationship with Holly for a while now and is very obviously in love with her. At the moment, they’re technically broken up but not really. He loves her and knows they’ll get back together - even if they don’t, that wouldn’t mean he’s anywhere near ready to move on. I wouldn’t say their relationship is as fixed as Brody and Disney but it’d take something drastic for him to even be remotely interested in anybody else at this point. And then even if he was, and he fell out of love with Holly properly, Haley would be his #1 consideration and there definitely wouldn’t be a girl who’s a bigger priority.

DREW - 23, 3rd July - Cancer, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, dating Annabel.

Drew is easily my most committed/settled guy right now. I can’t even think of much to write because he genuinely only has eyes for Annabel right now. If that changed or if they broke up, he’d probably still be more focused on trying to get her back so, yeah. In terms of fwb/relationship plots, he’s really not interested. He’s happy with her and loves her a lot.

LOUIS - 22, 5th January - Capricorn, heterosexual

CURRENT STATUS: taken, dating Lexi.

Lexi and Louis have definitely had a complicated relationship. Sometimes they’re super into each other and other times they’re distant. I don’t think it helps that Louis isn’t the commitment type in general and finds it very hard to be consistent with being romantic/very involved in the relationship. That being said, he only wants her and while, again, he’s reasonably young and definitely gets his ego inflated when people flirt with him - he feels like Lexi is the one right now & isn’t interested in anybody else in the same way.

JANEY - 21, 2nd May - Taurus, heterosexual

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, dating Wes. Janey is dating Wes and is fully in love with him. After being involved in trafficking and finding her way back to the Springs by chance, he’s been her safe place for almost two years and he’s very patient and understanding with her. It’s only now in recent times, where she’s constantly being reminded by different people of how much fun he used to have with Riley, she’s starting to feel self-conscious or like a burden to him. Even with her insecurities, her mind doesn’t even think about going to anybody else. She feels like she’s constantly ready for him to finally realise that she takes a lot more effort than she’s worth, but even if they broke up, she’s too introverted to become involved with anybody else unless they were willing to pursue/be patient with her. It’s just who she is.

SORAYA - 20, 11th June - Gemini, pansexual

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, Engaged to Julian Soraya is a romantic and a big believer in fairy-tales by nature, whether she’s taken or single. However, this year and last I think real life got a little bit TOO real when she realised being engaged wasn’t as easy as being whisked away, having a beautiful wedding and living happily ever after. She’s one thousand percent in love with Julian and wants to be with him but I think, if she’s being honest, she’s struggling with how she wants to be with him. She just knows she does. As much as people hate to hear it, Dallas also plays a big part in her love life even today. She knows he loves her still and she will always have love for him, even though she has tried to push back from that in the past. I think their connection definitely cripples her in terms of moving forwards properly. It’s not a romantic love for her anymore but it’s definitely a significant connection.

ZARA - 20, 13th December - Sagittarius, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, dating Danny.

Zara definitely gives as good as she gets when it comes to relationships and I think people often make the mistake of thinking that she’s one of the more softer/weaker girls. Take Cameron and Danny; she genuinely didn’t mean to come in between them but she did like Danny and made no secret in that before they got together. She’s both happy and stable with Danny right now and feels settled in her relationship. Like with most of my characters with the exception of maybe one or two, her relationship isn’t completely fixed but she’s definitely not looking at anybody else.

IMOGEN - 19, 24th October - Scorpio, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Single, messing with Nate, open to everything.

Imogen is the ultimate game player when it comes to dating. She always finds herself going back to Nate because they’re kind of each other’s first real loves, but she enjoys getting attention and playing the field. She knows people criticise and look down on her for it but she really doesn’t give a fuck. She’s not ready for real commitment and won’t be for a long time; she’s content with being on-and-off with Nate and also casually dating around in the meantime. In terms of who she’s attracted to, she’ll give anybody a chance but if you’re too soppy, can’t keep up or try to tie her down too much, she’ll leave.

TANNER - 18, 5th March - Pisces, bisexual

CURRENT STATUS: Single, active nuisance, going with the flow. Tanner is VERY casual with relationships, probably more casual than Imogen. He’s really not superficial in terms of what people look like; he kind of sees the attractiveness in everybody and really doesn’t have a physical preference. However, if he feels like there’s people he can’t vibe with or anyone who is just too into themselves, he’ll back off :’) As most people know, he’s pretty confident and flirty and makes the first move but being only 18, he’s also pretty immature with it all. He tends to get involved in things that should probably be left. He might have a little bit TOO much self-confidence but he genuinely does have respect for others and is never pushy or too excessive.

FLORENCE 18, 20th August - Virgo, hetero

CURRENT STATUS: Taken, Married to Dom. Florence is only young and definitely naive but she’s super in love with Dom and is happy in her marriage. She definitely wouldn’t think about cheating or wandering while with him & is probably a little more reliant on him to think for her/make decisions than she shouldn’t be. Not through him being a toxic person, but through her just being that way in general. However, recently she was made aware of a conversation between Dom and Margo that has definitely wrecked her trust a bit. She still wouldn’t consider hurting him back or doing anything that meant she was ‘getting even’ but there’s a big part of her that’s now questioning whether it’s working.

JACK - 18, 18th November - Scorpio, hetero

CURRENT STATUS: Single/It’s complicated, involved with Evie Jack and Evie were dating for a while before St Judes and their relationship has always been on and off. They’re currently off, but they still flirt a lot. Overall though, Jack is definitely not ready to commit or settle down with anybody and just because Evie is the one he tends to gravitate towards, it doesn’t mean he’s against getting with anybody else. He’s just open to whatever happens and is happy to have fun.

CHARACTERS BY YEAR GROUP

FIRST YEARS

Jack

Florence

Tanner

Imogen

SECOND YEARS

Zara

Soraya

Janey

THIRD YEARS

Louis

Drew

Adrian

FOURTH YEARS

Alyssa

Ruby

Posie

Park

Disney

SIXTH YEARS

Anastasia

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maknaesdancersrappers · 5 years

Text

devotee.

warning/s: very dark themes (stalking, non consensual voyeurism, extreme violence, mentions of blood, talks about abusive mental disorders, obsession, death threats??), explicit smut (masturbation, unprotected sex, cum play, cunnilingus)

Please read at your own discretion.

Jaehyun’s version of Devoted. (please read this first if you haven’t before reading this one)

wc: ~12k

a/n: this is a scheduled post; i should be out of town when this gets posted, so please leave me messages about your thoughts on this!! This will give a little insight on how Jaehyun’s mind works throughout the entire Devoted!AU.

disclaimer: I don’t know anything about how therapy works (uh,,, not yet??) and the actual inner workings of it all so please excuse any blunders if there are any in that aspect!!! I’m pretty sure even the professions I’m using are wrong, so I’m sorry huehuehue ;A; feel free to educate my naive ass.

Jeon Bohyuk sighs heavily, reading through the notes from his last therapy session from months ago. It was alarming how… troubled… this family was. His own father had warned him about taking on his position, but he still pursued it. Bound by extreme secrecy and a very, very hefty paycheck; Dr. Jeon can only do as he’s told and make sure none of these sessions make it out to the public.

It was quite difficult being the Jung Conglomerate’s therapist.

His father always told him, “The Jung’s come first in any situation and problem they face.”

A knock sounds on the door and Dr. Jeon tells them to let themselves in. The familiar face peeks through the door and politely smiles like he always does.

“Ah, Jaehyun. It’s been quite awhile, hasn’t it?” He greets, standing up to move from his desk to the armchair while the newcomer sits at the velvet chaise lounge like a routine.

“Good morning, doctor.” Jaehyun sighs, sinking his body against the furniture already.

Dr. Jeon notices the bandaged hand resting on his patient’s lap, but doesn’t comment on it. Instead, he picks up his pen and notepad. “So, how have you been since our last meeting? I was starting to think you would never come back.”

Jaehyun stares at the ceiling for a moment and Dr. Jeon notes it down while he starts to answer him, “I might not come back for awhile after this… my girlfriend, [Y/N]...”

“Yes?” Dr. Jeon looks up at him through his lashes, anticipating his following words. These sessions were because of her; or rather, how Jaehyun had become obsessed with her.

“She knows about my condition. The gist, at least. I didn’t mention the actual disorder; not yet… the timing wasn’t right.”

“And?” Dr. Jeon is continuously writing down in his notepad. “How did Ms. [Y/N] react?”

“Like you predicted, she was scared. But we compromised,” Jaehyun glances at him.

He nods his head and hums in approval, “That’s good. Did you willingly tell her or?”

“No, I got caught.” Jaehyun moves his bare hand over his bandaged one, “You told me during our last session that I should try putting some distance between us.”

It was to help - and also test - his (unhealthy) obsession with her. For years, he comes in for therapy sessions to talk about her and how he feels. Any other psychologists would have been alarmed, but given his family background, Dr. Jeon simply accepted that Jaehyun had found his trigger. What troubles him, however, was his wording. “Caught? What do you mean?”

“A break?” She stares up at him, “What do you mean?”

The suggestion was out of Jaehyun’s mouth before he could actually think it through. He stops walking, resulting her to stop as well. He pouts at her, pushing her stray strands of hair away from her face. “We barely have time for each other. We’re not breaking up, but we just… take a break from seeing each other to focus on finals and getting things done for graduation.”

She gives it a thought, “I guess you’re right… Plates are piling up and most of them have the same deadline.”

“I’d love to watch you work on them and cheer you on, but we hit a bump with our thesis.”

“Then I guess a break is really something we need, yeah? But we’re not technically breaking up, right?” She stretches her arms and hook them over his nape, playing with his soft, thick hair.

“Of course not.” He almost scowls, bringing a little giggle to bubble from her chest. “Until finals are over, there won’t be any seeing each other.”

“No booty calls.”

Jaehyun is visibly disheartened by this, but still nods, “No booty calls. No de-stressing together.”

“No dates,” She adds, “Even texts and phone calls?”

“No distractions at all.” There was regret in his words already. “I can’t walk you to your classes anymore.”

Truth be told, he didn’t have to walk her to her classes. His routes to his classes don’t even graze hers; he literally goes out of his way to walk her to her room, even though he could possibly be late (maybe even locked out) of his next subject.

“This is torture, Jaehyun, are you sure about this?”

Again, before he can think it through, he nods his head and it seals the deal.

Jaehyun barely lasted a day without her, constantly fighting the urge to find her or even send her a text. Halfway through the week, he busies himself with studies but always finds his mind wandering to what she was doing. At the end of the first week, he can’t congratulate himself; he needed to know how she was, what she was doing, where she’s been during her free time; he thinks about if she had pleasured herself with him running through her mind. He needed to see her, touch her, breathe her scent in. The picture on his nightstand isn’t enough, but he doesn’t have a choice. He’s done it before, and there’s no shame in doing it again, he’s just glad he has her photo protected between glasses to make it easier to clean later.

By the second week, he is back to his old habits. He’s keeping tabs on her; following her around when both their schedules are free. His mind is at ease knowing she’s keeping to herself without him, enjoying the company of her friends - people he actually trusts - and not paying attention to other guys.

Jaehyun remembers one of his therapy sessions; how Dr. Jeon talked about how his obsession with her was borderline unhealthy. He said that there was a high chance she wouldn’t like it and would probably leave him. The thought frightened Jaehyun; losing her was the worst thing that could ever happen to him. But she was so attractive; she might not see it, but he can. He can see every guy glancing at her when she enters a room or passes by. He can see their eyes glint with appreciation as it rakes down her entire being, how they would lick their lips like she was their next meal. It made his blood boil.

He follows her around not because he doesn’t trust her; he just doesn’t trust anybody else around her.

But her roommates just had to invite her out one Friday night.

There was a permanent frown on his face as he presses his back to the adjacent wall of her bedroom window.

“No. That’s too short.”

Without even looking, Jaehyun already knew what dress her roommate had pulled out of her closet. The image of her in that little black dress that stopped just above her thighs immediately sent a reaction to his crotch. He hated that dress because everything only he should see would be exposed to the world if she so much as lean forward; but he loved to fuck her in that dress. Easy access.

“It’s cute and sexy!”

‘Damn right, it is. But it’s also for my eyes only.’ Jaehyun presses himself more into the shadows when he spots some night joggers passing by.

“But Jae-”

“Last time I checked, you and Jaehyun are currently on break. Let your legs and ass breathe while they can. You’ve kept your best assets in pants or baggy shorts because Jaehyun doesn’t like it when guys ogle them.”

‘Fuck you, Minkyung. I’m supposed to like you more than Yebin.’

“Uhm, I don’t like being ogled by other guys, too.”

‘Oh, my poor baby, don’t worry, I’ll make sure they’ll regret even looking at you.’ He shifts a bit, adjusting his half-hard cock in his pants and peeking through her blinds. He almost let out a moan; she looked so… delicious in that dress. There’s no way a guy won’t be sparing her an appreciative once-over. He quietly leaves, careful not to make the metal stairs squeak under his feet.

Jaehyun knows where they were heading. He’s heard Yebin talking about it weeks ago. A quick taxi ride later, he’s seated at the far end of the bar. He had a tall glass of beer, watching the crowd from under his cap. Minutes later, he spots her and her roommates walking in. When she turned her head to the bar, he looks down to avoid her gaze. Giving it a few seconds, he cautiously looks back up to find her making her way to an empty booth.

“Jaehyun!” Someone pats his back and he’s lucky the music drowned out his voice before it could even reach to where she is. “I rarely see you drinking without your girl, man.”

Jaehyun sighs, pulling a face at the person who welcomed himself to the empty seat beside him.

Kim Mingyu was an ace player on the baseball team. He was on the basketball team for the first year of uni with Jaehyun, but switched sports during sophomore year.

“Yeah, we’re on a break.” Jaehyun might as well entertain him. In case he gets discovered by her or her roommates, he could always use Mingyu as an alibi. “We won’t have time for each other since we’re all graduating soon.”

“Tell me about it! We just had our very last training a while ago, so we’re celebrating here. Just tossed our bats and mitts in the back of our pick-ups and drove here.” Mingyu nods to his rowdy teammates over at the corner of the room. “I’m gonna miss baseball.”

“Not going pro?” Jaehyun takes a sip of his beer, briefly glancing over to her booth where a waiter delivered her cocktails.

Mingyu thanks the bartender after the beer he ordered was served to him. He chuckles, shaking his head to his question, “Nah, I don’t love the sport enough to have it become my profession. I’m going to try and be a model instead. What about you? You left basketball for your girlfriend. Talk about being whipped.”

“Basketball is just a hobby and another way to exercise for me. Besides, I’m taking over the family business so going pro isn’t an option.”

Jaehyun continues to converse with Mingyu, still checking up on her every now and then. He’s had three beers already that had his body buzzing and although it’s not enough to make him tipsy or drunk, he stops drinking and opted for water.

“Hey, man.” Mingyu slurs a bit, “It was great catching up with you, but I should go back to my teammates, it is our last night as a team.”

“You, too. Take care, Mingyu.” Jaehyun offers a weary smile as he watches his friend shakily stumbled back to where his team was. He moves his gaze back to her booth but panicked when he found it empty. Quickly, his eyes scan the dancing crowd and he’s quick to spot her. However, relief is nowhere in his system. There was a man eyeing her from behind and his gut already told him to make his way over.

But he was too late because from what it looks like, he had touched her. Her. His girlfriend. Jaehyun’s nostrils flared, standing up from his seat and pauses. Yebin had taken care of the situation immediately, stomping on the stranger’s foot and taking her away from him.

These were the rare moments Jaehyun could rely on Yebin. He continues to watch all three of them throw some cash onto their booth, grab their things, and make a beeline for the exit. He was sure she was going home, and he’ll check up on her in a minute, but he reckons he has something to deal with first as his eyes settled on the stranger that touched what had belonged to him.

Jaehyun stalks behind the stranger as he walks back to his car alone at the back of the vast, dimly lit parking lot. He pulls his hood over his head and lowers his cap. He recognizes Mingyu’s car and without thinking, grabs the nearest bat he could from the back and continues to walk up to the stranger.

Adrenaline was pumping through Jaehyun’s veins. He could only see red; he’s seething with anger as he raises the bat over his head. Before the stranger notices him, he strikes him; straight on the head. A pained cry leaves the man as he falls to the ground on his knees, clutching his head. The only coherent thought Jaehyun has in his head is the fact that this man had touched [Y/N] and that was enough to drive him to hit the man once, twice, thrice, not stopping even when blood is sprayed onto his face. He relents once the man is knocked unconscious.

Jaehyun’s breath is ragged, assessing what he had just done. Before anyone could catch him, he runs away with the baseball bat still in hand.

Dr. Jeon has removed his glasses and has been rubbing his eyes for a good minute after Jaehyun recounts his story. “Jaehyun.”

“He’s alive.” Jaehyun crosses his arms, retreating his attention back to the ceiling, already knowing where the warning mention of his name is going.

“Okay,” Dr. Jeon says, mostly to himself, “How did you feel about this? Let’s start with Ms. [Y/N] going out in a dress you deem ‘too short’ for her to wear out.”

“I’m not mad at her. Her friends forced her into it. [Y/N] is submissive; she gives into peer pressure most of the time.”

“So you were mad at her friends?”

Jaehyun half-heartedly shrugs his shoulders, “More annoyed. They got her into the mess, but they also saved her from it.”

“And this man,”

“Kim Iljung.” Jaehyun cuts in, covering his eyes with his unharmed hand.

“Oh, so you do know him?”

“No, his assault was broadcasted the next day on campus news.”

Dr. Jeon pauses, trying his best not to release another dismayed sigh. Not only did Jaehyun refer to this man’s assault like he hadn’t done it, he doesn’t sound remorseful at all. “Okay, this Mr. Kim Iljung… do you think he deserved to be punished like that? Were you satisfied with what had happened to him?”

Without another beat, Jaehyun nods. “Yes.”

The incident at the bar must have scared her off, Jaehyun assumes, because after classes, she goes straight home to either rest up or study. It’s been nine weeks, and yes, he knows, he counts each day he hasn’t sent her a text. He knew she was home, probably asleep, but he was out for a jog so he thought he would stop by - by her window, he means. Sneaking up the emergency stairs, he peers into her room and cusses under his breath, “Oh shit.”

She had music playing loud enough that it escapes through the closed window. She left the lights open for some reason while she lay on her bed, stripped naked, legs spread apart and fingers dancing on her clit.

Jaehyun inwardly groans, kneeling down to get a better view and hide himself in the shadows. He’s palming himself, biting down on his lower lip to prevent him from being too loud. When he sees her slip a finger in, he pushes the band of his shorts down and takes his cock out of the fly of his briefs. He’s already leaking; throbbing in his hold. For weeks, he relied only on his memories and her pictures to avoid getting blue balls.

He can explode with only a few pumps while watching her pleasure herself. Even better that she had moaned followed with a whimper of his name.

“Yes, baby that’s it.” He couldn’t stop himself from saying, furiously chasing after his high when he sees she added another finger. He can’t wait for her to come first, he’ll need to leave soon.

When her free hand goes over her breast to give it a tight grip with a soft cry with name; Jaehyun can feel his balls tightening. If only she could see him, coming undone from the sight of her masturbating with the thought of him. God, he loves her.

Unable to contain it any longer, Jaehyun comes; squirting his seed onto the window pane. A groan escapes him and he knows she must have heard it; noticing how she suddenly stops and looks around the room. He ducks away while tucking himself back into his shorts just as she looks to where he was and decides in a split second to jump down from the second floor and hide among the trash bins.

“Fuck.” He breathes, landing on his feet and ducking between the garbage cans. Looking up, he sees her poke her head out the window and looking down the emergency staircase. He holds his breath in, hoping he’s completely concealed in the shadows, releasing it only when she shivers a little and retreat back into the room. When he hears her slam the window close and draw the curtains, he waits a few more seconds before standing up, dusting himself off, and walking away as casual as possible.

“Do you think what you did was wrong? Or do you think it was okay because she’s your girlfriend?” Dr. Jeon puts his pen down for second to stretch his cramping hand.

“I don’t think anything’s wrong with it. Like you said, she’s my girlfriend.”

“But did you consider how she would have felt about it?”

Jaehyun curtly laughs, “[Y/N] is an exhibitionist. I’m sure she would have liked it.”

Dr. Jeon hums, “Even if she didn’t know you actually were?”

Jaehyun falls silent, resuming his stare off with the ceiling.

“If she would have liked it as you claim, why did you run off?”

“Because we were on break,” Jaehyun snaps, “That were the rules we set.”

“Rules you had long broken. I know these sessions are for you, Jaehyun, but if you really love Ms. [Y/N], you would consider how this would affect her own mental health in the long run.”

With a deep sigh, Jaehyun’s brows knit together, “I know.”

Finals were next week. Jaehyun found out from Johnny that [Y/N] was spending an all-nighter at the library. He had just finished reviewing for the first three exams he decided to take a night jog to destress; also excusing it to check up on her and probably watch over her if she were to walk back to her dorm in the dead of the night.

After a few laps around the university park, he makes a quick detour towards the library where he chances upon her leaving. It was about time to cool down so he slows down to a stride, stops his playlist, and follows her, leaving a good distance between the two of them.

What he didn’t expect was [Y/N] making her own detour; walking towards the gymnasium. Jaehyun is confused; it’s been hours since it was closed. How was she getting in?

He watches in amusement as she jumps the fence after a quick scan of her environment, causing him to duck behind a tree. Without hesitating, he follows after her once more. When he enters the gymnasium with the same door she had just unlocked and just barely catches her slipping into the hall that leads to the pool, he should have known where she was off to.

The sound of water sloshing and her soft moan echoes from the open door, bringing a little grin on Jaehyun’s face. He loved watching her swim. He could tell how happy she is when she swam. Before he knows it, he walks up until the edge of the pool; watching her swim down to the bottom and noting the bright red underwear set she had. He looks over to the side and sees her bag and discarded clothes.

“Oh my god! Jaehyun!” He whips his head towards her, “You scared me!”

It wasn’t his intention to be discovered, but he’s not going to let the chance of seeing her swim up close pass. He takes out his earphones and chuckles, “I’m sorry.”

She frowns at him, “How did you even know I was here?”

“I was out for a jog when I saw you jump the fence.” It wasn’t entirely a lie. When she blushes at the fact she was caught trespassing, Jaehyun squats down and smiles at her, “If anything, I should be asking you why you’re sneaking into the pool after closing time.”

Then he felt his breath hitch when she bites down on her lip, swimming over to where he stood, “The past weeks have been hard on me and I need to destress. Won’t you help me, Jae?”

He wants to say ‘yes,’ but he just stared her down, “I don’t think that’s how taking breaks from a relationship works, [Y/N].”

“We’ve made it this far, Jae. Can’t we cheat this break thing?”

Already have, babe.

“[Y/N]” He warns, although he can feel his resolve crumbling down already.

“Please, Jae. For me?” She unconsciously bats her lashes at him and he’s annoyed at himself at how he loves that.

Sighing, Jaehyun shrugs, “I don’t have my swimming trunks.”

She giggles at him, “If you haven’t noticed, I’m in my underwear.”

He watches her a little bit more and he thinks she must have thought he was hesitating, because she reaches up and unzips his jacket for him. “Do you need help or are you going to let me play by myself?”

‘Not this time, baby.’ He thinks, smirking as he rises from the ground, discarding his jacket, and peeling his shirt away.

Jaehyun pretends he doesn’t see her practically salivating when she sees his body. He pushes his running shorts down and stands in his black boxers.

She’s biting down on your lips again when he kicks his shoes off and he smirks at her before diving head first into the water. When he resurfaced, he has her trapped on the other side of the pool after swimming underneath her; trying to chase her as she playfully swim away.

Jaehyun wipes away the excess water off his face while she wraps her arms around his shoulders.

“Hi.” She whispers, laughing when he flashes her a smile as she helps push his wet hair back.

“Hi.” He breathes, grabbing onto her thighs and guiding her legs around him. “So you needed to destress?”

She nods her head, sliding the hand that pushed his hair back down the side of his face. “How are you gonna help me?”

A number of options spill through his mind as he pulls her hips closer and grinds his erection against her crotch, eliciting a cute, silent gasp from her. “I can think of a few things.”

“C-care to show me?” She stutters and Jaehyun found it so endearing that he just had to kiss her for it.

The open kiss was messy and sloppy, and it was desperate, needy, and hungry. It was absolutely carnal, especially when she claws his bare back, looking for support as she slid down his body. Jaehyun pushes her against the side of the pool for leverage while his tongue invades her mouth, stroking her own as one of his hands roughly grabs her breasts, pushing it above the water’s surface.

He watches her throw her head back and rested it against the poolside as he clumsily thumbs her hardened nipples before leaning down to trail a sloppy kiss from her cheek, to her jaw, and stopped short on the side of her neck.

Jaehyun was losing it. He needed to have her then and there; but then a high pitched whistle hurls him back to reality.

“Shame on you two, fucking in a public pool.” Deep laughter follows afterwards.

He glares over to the entrance where a group of boys watched in amusement. He can feel [Y/N] shrink into him, obviously humiliated, and he covers her body from them.

“Do you mind?” He snaps at them, defensively putting his arms around her.

“Yeah, man, we do mind.” One of them hollers, “We wanted to swim in sperm-free water.”

“Jae, let’s just go.” She whispers to him, but he doesn’t react immediately; dark eyes glaring straight to the space behind her. His breathing had slowed and became heavy with explicit images of what he could possibly do to them, if only she wasn’t present.

“Jaehyun,” She cups his cheek and makes him face her, “Baby, let’s just go.”

It takes him another second to react. He closes his eyes, ignoring the violent thoughts, and kisses her forehead. “Okay.”

The guys didn’t pay attention to them anymore as they jumped into the far end of the pool. Jaehyun helped her get out of the pool and instinctively, he checked on the guys as he got out after her. Just as he expected, one of them was checking her out while she bent over to grab her things.

“Hey!” He shouts, “I’d appreciate it if you stopped checking my girlfriend out.”

“Can’t help it, man. No wonder you can’t keep your hands off of her.” And this asshole had the gall to look at her once more in an overly appreciative manner that made his blood boil like the incident at the bar.

Jaehyun balls his fists up, trying to get the rational side of him to calm himself down.

“Jaehyun, leave him alone. It’s not worth our time, come on.” She reminds him; her words and worried tone alone was enough to calm him, but the asshole just had to interrupt.

“Do her real good, man!”

He’s seeing red again, mind completely flooded with ways on how to beat this guy up, but she’s holding onto him with a vice grip and begging softly, “Baby, please, I just want to go home.”

And he finally relents to her request. Snatching the rest of their clothing up, they both head for the locker rooms to dry up and dress before leaving the premises.

“Let me walk you home.” Jaehyun pulls her to his side after seeing her shiver. After a while, he quietly says, “I’m sorry about those dickheads.”

“It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s the universe saying we shouldn’t be cheating on taking a break.” She huddles closer to him when a breeze blew by. “But I really miss you, Jae.”

This makes him happy. He kisses the top of her head, “I miss you, too. We have a week left. I think we can hold out until then.”

“Until then? Hold out, what exactly?” She teases, spinning on her heels as they arrive at the doorstep of her dorm.

He leans down and kisses the spot between her jaw and ear. “What could have happened back in the pool and so much more in the privacy of our homes.” He purposely whispers in a deep and low tone, tickling her ear and making her pull away with a short laugh.

“I can’t wait, then.” She flirtatiously says, and he leans down to kiss her lips. “Get home safely, okay?”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry for not helping you destress.” Jaehyun slightly pouts at her and she smiles at him.

“I had this time with you.” She shrugs her shoulders, “It helped.”

“You can always play with yourself again.” He chuckles under his breath, and a little louder, says, “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She quietly responded.

He hopes she didn’t hear what he said as he walks away. Waiting for the sound of the dorm doors closing, he looks back to see she had already entered. She’s back in the safety of her home, but Jaehyun still feels unsettled with what had happened back at the pool.

Forget the serious case of blue balls; he’s furious; immensely angered by the guys - especially the one who basically undressed her with his eyes and wasn’t ashamed to show it. He pulls his phone out to check the time. It’s past midnight and the guys are probably still at the pool.

By the time Jaehyun returns to the gymnasium, the guys were all leaving; not even being sneaky about it. The typical troublemaking frat boys from the other side of the campus, Jaehyun thinks with a scoff. He memorizes their faces as they noisily went home before he does the same.

It takes Jaehyun a few days to find the guy who disrespected [Y/N]. He finds him smoking behind the bleachers of the soccer field all alone - perfect. He had requested for two bodyguards to accompany him just in case he had his friends with him.

The guy recognizes him when he approaches, a lazy grin growing on his face. “Hey, weren’t you that dude at the pool with the hot girl?”

Jaehyun’s fist are already balled up at his side. So the fucker remembers him because of [Y/N]? Oh, boy.

“What’s up, man? Did you need a light?” He cheers, taking his lighter out from his pocket and handed it to Jaehyun.

It disgusts him at how he thinks it’s okay to talk to him like they were long time friends.

He ignores the lighter and stares him down, “I don’t like how you looked at my girlfriend and made crude comments about her.”

The guy looks at him like he had said something stupid, snorting, “What? Aw, come on, man, don’t act like you didn’t finish elsewhere. Besides, your girlfriend? In that little red thing? I would have-”

He couldn’t finish his lewd statement because Jaehyun reels his arm back and swings a clean cut across this stranger’s face, sending him stumbling back to the floor.

“Don’t you fucking say shit about her.” Jaehyun growls, still trying to keep himself grounded and avoid sending the guy to the hospital - mostly because he’s had a good look at his face.

“Jongmin?! Yo, what’s going on here?” Four other guys show up but Jaehyun’s already taking two steps towards the closest one and throws a hard punch on their jaw.

Everything after that was a blur. The next thing he knew his bodyguards are restraining his arms and pulling him up from the ground where one of the guys were groaning, nose bleeding profusely. Jaehyun blinks at him, eyes darting to the other bodies scattered around, writhing in pain and covered in bruises.

His bodyguards are asking him if he’s okay; if he needs to go to the hospital or be escorted home. Jaehyun’s body is both numb but also buzzing with adrenaline. Did he do this by himself?

“I’m okay. Take care of them. Pay them to shut up.” He drags his thumb on the corner of his mouth where he felt something wet, pulling away to see dark red smudged across his finger.

“You weren’t aware of your actions while you were performing them?” Dr. Jeon repeats, pushing his glasses up his nose bridge.

Jaehyun shakes his head, sipping from the tea he requested before starting the session. “Like I blacked out.”

Dr. Jeon hums once again, reading over what he had jotted down. “So like with what had happened to Mr. Iljung, you believe they deserved what had happened to them?”

“Yes.”

“And you were satisfied with it?”

“Of course.”

“Despite the injury your received?” Dr. Jeon gestures to his hand and Jaehyun dryly laughs at him.

“I didn’t get this from them.”

This was the last day of finals for everyone. This was the day Jaehyun can finally have her back in his arms. She should be done with her last exam already while he still had one more to take. Ten told him that everyone was going to celebrate at the mall, so Jaehyun said he’d catch up once he finishes his exam. But he couldn’t wait at all. He rarely flexes his wealth, but if it meant being with her again, he’d do it in an instant.

His professor wasn’t so keen about letting him take the exam 30 minutes earlier; but with the reasoning that it’s better than having him taken later on that would be more suspicious and a few thousand bills slipped in, he took the exam half an hour earlier than his classmates and finished just before any of them come inside the room.

He’s buzzing with excitement, fidgeting in his seat as he had a chauffeur drive him to the mall instead of hailing a cab to save time. She must be feeling the same way, waiting for him to come to her and end the stupid break.

But when he finds her enjoying herself, laughing boisterously and poking fun at Doyoung, he was… dismayed. He knows they go way back and is very aware of Doyoung’s sexual orientation, yet jealousy nipped at him. He sees her eyes fluttering over at him and for some reason, he dodges out of view when she looks away.

Jaehyun’s heart is racing. He knows there’s no reason for him to feel this way. Maybe it’s just excitement from being able to be with her. He goes to the men’s bathroom to collect his thoughts before returning to where she was.

When he sees her and the rest walking towards a fast food joint, he cheers himself up, mischievously creeping up behind her and Doyoung, who had his arm around her shoulders, with intentions to scare her, but then he hears:

“You’re lucky I love you-”

And something came over Jaehyun that just took control of his entire being.

He grabs Doyoung by his shoulder and punches him in the face strong enough to push him to the floor, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, huh? Keeping her warm for me?”

“Dude, what the hell?!” Doyoung scrambles onto his feet with Ten’s help.

He tries to step forward but [Y/N] blocks him, “Jae, what is wrong with you?”

“What is wrong with me? I finished my exam early and rushed here to see you, but I see him,” He juts his chin towards Doyoung, “With his arm around you.”

“What’s happening here?” A mall security guard approached your group.

“A misunderstanding, nothing we can’t handle ourselves. Sorry for the trouble.” She bows her head at him and grab Jaehyun’s arm. “Can we talk outside?”

He casts a glare at Doyoung before letting her pull him out. On the way to the exit, Jaehyun recognizes the group of boys he ‘talked’ to last week. They were laughing to themselves, only to abruptly stop when they see him and immediately bow their heads and steer clear from his path. Jaehyun could feel the power coursing through his veins at the sight.

[Y/N] spins around to face him once they were both in the parking lot, “Do you want to explain yourself for what you did back there?”

Jaehyun frowns at her; realizing the weight of his outburst, “He had his arm around you.”

“I - Jae! He is Doyoung. Kim Doyoung. My best friend since pre-school. My best friend who is asexual. You know that!”

“He can’t be asexual forever. For all we know, he’s already got a crush on you!”

She looks exasperated, “Why are you being jealous of him? He’s my best friend and will always just be my best friend.”

“He just said he loves you!”

“And I love him back, as in, platonically, which I think is what he meant!” She groans in frustration. “You’re being ridiculous!”

Jaehyun scowls at her. Can’t she see what the reason behind why he did that? “I’m being protective of my girlfriend!”

She purses her lips and stares him down, “Your girlfriend that you’re technically on a break with.”

“What?” His feels his body tense up. Finals are over, therefore the break is over, too.

“Maybe we should extend the break for a week or two.” She began to step back, but he follows.

“What?” Jaehyun repeats, eyes wide and full of worry, “Why?”

“Because, Jae,” He flinches at her tone, “I need time to get over what you just did inside to my best friend and you need time to contemplate over your actions and apologize to Doyoung.”

“(Y/N).” He whines. This can’t be happening.

“Jaehyun, please.” She crossed her arms over her chest, defensively, and this stops him in his tracks; dejectedly looking at her with pleading eyes, hoping it wavers her but she just shook her head with regret and turned away, walking to the mall front.

Jaehyun watches her, heart racing so fast and hard that he feels like he’s having a heart attack. She’s walking away from him. On her own volition. Angry. At him. He wants to be mad, too. Not at her. Not at Doyoung, but at himself. This isn’t how he’d imagine ending the break to be like. He thought he could take her out on a date, not extend the stupid thing one week longer all because he couldn’t stop himself.

There’s nothing he could do right now, except fix his mess with Doyoung. He had to let her cool off. He sees her get in a car that he presumes to be an Uber and now he feels twice as bad that he spoiled her celebration with her friends.

Jaehyun returns inside and finds Doyoung coming from the men’s bathroom. “Doyoung!”

Doyoung looks at him and immediately looks both annoyed and apprehensive as he walks up to him.

“Are you okay?”

“A little sore, but I’m not bleeding or feel like my nose is broken.”

Jaehyun sighs, “I’m really sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”

Doyoung shifts his weight to one leg and crosses his arms, “It’s not a secret you’re obsessed with [Y/N], Jaehyun. I get that you’re possessive of her and all that, but you need to remember she’s my best friend. She’s practically a sister to me.”

“I know. I know.” He groans, massaging his temples. “I just really don’t know what came over. Look, you’re the only other guy I trust [Y/N] with. I’m more at ease when I know she’s out partying with you guys when you’re around - don’t tell Ten, I won’t hear the end of it.”

This makes Doyoung chuckle, “I feel the same way. I mean, you can get out of hand… but I think she’s safer with you than with anybody else.”

“That means a lot to me, Doyoung.” Jaehyun weakly smiles at him, “I’m really sorry again. I can take you to the hospital and pay for everything.”

“I swear, I’m okay. Let’s just have dinner with the rest.”

He shakes his head, “I’ll skip this time. [Y/N] went home already and I don’t feel good about upsetting her.”

He offers him a sympathetic smile, “Don’t stress about it. Let her cool down for a day or two and the whole thing will blow over sooner than you think.”

Jaehyun believed Doyoung, but it’s been three days and not a single peep from her. She was probably holding onto her word about extending the break for a whole, full week, but Jaehyun was at his wit’s end. He distracted himself by going to the gym, taking multiple jogs, or just simply locking himself up his room and waiting for some online activity from her.

He needed to do something.

After an afternoon run, Jaehyun picks up a cheap, old prepaid phone and returns home to shower. He pulls on a shirt and some ripped jeans, and sits on his bed while punching in her phone number on the old phone. He hesitates pressing the faded green phone icon button on the small device; he knows this is going to traumatize her. But what else can he do? He can’t just wait anymore.

He flips the phone close and tucks it into his pocket. Johnny isn’t sleeping here tonight, so Jaehyun doesn’t have to be worried about looking suspicious as he sneaks in and out of their dorm. Before he leaves, he grabs a hoodie and a mask.

It was past 8 when Jaehyun arrives at her dorm; it was dark already thanks to the sky being covered with thick clouds and the sidewalks barely illuminated by the street lamps. Her room had no light in it and Jaehyun finds it odd, but decides against walking up the emergency stairs. He takes the old phone out of his pocket and dials her number, putting the device to his ear.

It rings thrice before she picks up, her groggy voice told Jaehyun she was merely asleep. “Hello?”

Jaehyun wants to talk to her, but he keeps quiet; focusing on the background noise at her end. He hears the volume of the television soften and the distinct squeak of her couch as he assumes she was sitting up from it.

“Hello? Who is this?” She asks again, yet he still doesn’t say anything as he carefully walks up to the front of the dorm where the window of her living room was. He can make out her figure by the window; watching her walk away from it after she had hung up on him.

He’s hidden by tall shrubs as he tries to guess what she was doing inside. She didn’t open the living room lights, but the soft glow emanating from the window tells him she was in the kitchen. His own phone vibrates and he quickly checks it, seeing that she was online and liking posts and photos of their friends. He quietly monitors her activity until he sees her reacting to Taeyong’s photo.

Taeyong was his friend. He introduced them to each other and even he can’t deny how good looking the boy was. He’d normally let it pass, but she specifically used the ‘heart eyes’ react button and she only ever use that on his posts for her and never with anybody else. Jealousy is creeping back over him, momentarily disrupted by the distinct sound of Minkyung and Yebin talking loudly as they approach their dorm.

Jaehyun ducks down and waits for them to enter the building before he redials her number, pulling the hood of his jacket until it shadowed his face and putting his mask on to cover half of his face. He’s angry; he doesn’t mean to be, but it’s the only thing he can feel at the moment.

She sounded aggravated when she picked his call up, “Hello? Hello? This better not be a prank call.”

He wanted to laugh at how cute she was trying to be intimidating. He doesn’t try to hide his breathing this time, letting it barely fill the silence of his end of the call.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Jaehyun looks up and he sees her… staring at him.

Well, hello there.

He lets out a soft heave and ends the call when she starts screaming.

He quickly fleas the scene, especially hearing her roommates’ concerned shouts. As he runs away, he takes out the battery of the old phone and tosses it in the bushes when he was a good five blocks away. When he’s back at home, he’s experiencing a flurry of emotions; he’s worried about her, first and foremost, he had never heard her scream like that before. He also felt disgusted at himself for scaring her. He feels a bit antsy because what if someone had seen him? But among these, he doesn’t regret what he had done. It felt like the only way - to him, at least - for her to go back to him.

Jaehyun, like most nights, couldn’t sleep at all; but when he does, it only lasted three hours. He was fully awake by 10AM because he receives a text from Johnny asking if he wanted food. Doyoung had graciously called him thrice last night, but didn’t pick up to make it seem like he slept early and responded to his messages in faux panic when he woke up.

Johnny’s home by 11 and Jaehyun is waiting for her to text him on the couch.

“Flowers for you, good sir.” Johnny fakes an English accent as he hands the bouquet Jaehyun requested to him. “And a nice, warm continental breakfast for brunch.”

He helps him prepare their food on the coffee table, promising to pay him for the flowers.

“Hey, I heard from Ten about [Y/N]. Is she okay?” Johnny slides him the tupperware of pancakes.

“I don’t know. Doyoung says she is and her roommates are taking care of her.” Jaehyun lets out a sigh to convince Johnny how worried he was. “I wish I hadn’t slept early. I would have gone to her immediately if I knew what had happened.”

Johnny nods, “At least she wasn’t physically harmed.”

“I hope they find that fucker.” He hopes the fuck not.

After eating, Jaehyun excuses himself to get ready to visit her. In the privacy of his room, he starts to get excited. There’s a certain way he wishes the scenarios turns out. He likes to imagine that she’ll run up to him and realize how much safer she is with him. He’ll finally get to kiss her and she’ll let him take over -

Damn it.

He didn’t think he was that excited, but it’s nothing he can’t take care of. So he stands in front of her picture and takes care of himself, promising to himself that he’ll clean it up once he gets back from your place.

He’s in the shower afterwards, generously lathering himself and scrubbing away the sins he committed against her. He wants to be quick, but he also wants to take his time to prepare for her - because she would take all these extra steps for him when they would meet, why shouldn’t he do the same? He’s so excited to see her that he thinks he hears her calling out to him from his bedroom.

After he finally rinses off and dries his hair, he throws on a loose shirt and boxer shorts on. He leaves his towel over his head while he brushes his teeth and uses it to wipe his lips after spitting. As he exits his bathroom, he stops in his tracks.

Was he excited enough to hallucinate? But he was sure that was her, turned away from him in the middle of his room.

“[Y/N]?”

She gasps, spinning around to face him. He caught the briefest flash of fear in her eyes and he realizes that evidences of last night were present all around the room. He was ready to explain himself, but then she’s choking out a sob and running towards him.

“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay.” He automatically wraps his arms around her, smoothing her hair down. “You’re okay. I’m here. You’re safe with me.”

He holds her tight, letting her cry out the remaining fear from the previous night; feeling just a tiny but guilty while placing kisses on her head and rubbing her back.

“Oh god,” She breathes in deeply, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you, too.” He pulls away, tilting her face towards him. “How are you? Did you get any sleep? If I found out any sooner, I would have gone over to you.”

She shakes her head, “I couldn’t sleep properly, even though Yebin and Minkyung stayed with me.”

Doyoung must haven’t told her he’s been updating him about how she was. “Have you eaten at least? Let me cook something for you to eat.”

“I-I… Don’t leave me here.”

Jaehyun offers her a soft smile, “No one’s going to hurt you while I’m around. But if you really don’t want to stay in my room, you can come with me to the kitchen.”

He leads her to the kitchen by the hand, running his thumb over her knuckles. He makes small talk with her to get her mind off about last night, listening intently at her response while he fries some eggs and slices of pork. It didn’t take too long for him to serve it to her with some reheated rice from last night.

“Eat up, baby girl.”

“Baby girl?” She smirks, “Should I call you daddy, then?”

Jaehyun laughs, feeling his cheeks warm up. “Be careful what you wish for.” He whispers into her ear, trying to sound seductive but ends up chuckling.

He watches her eat and from time to time, letting her feed him some. His mind is daydreaming all of a sudden; this is what he wants to see in the future: feeding her meals in her shared home, keeping her safe and happy, being hers and vice versa.

“What are your plans after graduation?” He asks out of the blue.

“My plans?” She repeats after swallowing.

He nods, waiting for her to answer.

“Get a job?” She shrugs, “I haven’t thought about that at all, actually.”

“How about moving into a new apartment?”

She pauses for a moment, “I don’t know if I can afford it, but my contract for my apartment right now ends two months after graduation so I should probably look into it.”

“Well,” Jaehyun massages his nape and avoids her gaze; he doesn’t know why he’s suddenly nervous about asking, “My parents graduation gift for me is my own apartment room in downtown Seoul. I was wondering if, you know, you’d want to move in with me.”

She stares at him and he stares back, waiting. “Will your parents be okay with that? I mean, I thought you and Johnny would still be sharing an apartment.”

“He and Ten have their own plans, besides, I’m not sharing a bed with Johnny.” That makes her giggle and he lets out a short chuckle of his own, “And about my parents… they love you like their own daughter. They wouldn’t mind. I’m willing to bet they’re hoping for grandchildren in two years.”

“Woah there, big boy.” She laughs, “How about we take baby steps instead of hoping of seeing our baby take their first ones, huh?”

“Tell that to my parents.” He grumbles like a child and sees her reaching up to pinch his cheeks. His parents have always been vocal about wanting her to be the mother of their grandchildren; if only he knew how much he wishes that, too.

“Anyways, I’d love to.”

He blinks at her, breaking out of his reverie “Hm?”

“I’d love to move in with you.”

It takes a second for Jaehyun to grin at your answer and he swears it’s stretching his cheeks out too much that it almost hurts, “Really?”

She giggles at his reaction, biting down on her lower lip while she nods. “Yes, really.”

He pulls her in for multiple kisses, making her laugh in between each one. He kisses her longer and he could feel her body reacting to him already. His tongue grazes her lips and she instantly grants him access into her mouth, moaning at the sensation of his tongue sliding against hers.

His hands snake onto her thighs, roughly massaging them before pulling her tightly against his body. She clings onto him; mouths undetached as he hauls her up and takes her back to the bedroom.

Jaehyun sets her down on his bed with utmost care like she was a one of a kind piece of fine china. He pulls away from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva between their lips before it snaps as he straightened himself to remove his shirt.

He’s been waiting for this for too long.

“Oh, god.” She groans, “I can’t believe I lasted 4 months.” She palms him over his boxers with one hand while the other travelled upwards, fingers dancing across the expanse of the hard muscles of his abdomen and chest. Before she can slip her hands into his shorts, he grabs both of her wrists.

“I still owe you a destresser.” Jaehyun reminds her with a matching smirk.

She lets him undress her, his eyes darting to every newly exposed skin and dropping each of clothing articles on the floor by his feet. When she’s finally stripped off of all her clothes and underwear, he gently pushes her back until she’s lying on the bed. With a light tap on her thighs, her legs part to make room for him and it pleases him so much at how receptive she is to him.

He removes his boxers and kneels on the bed, stroking himself as he eyes her pussy. He leans down and kisses her, “I’m going to show you how much I missed you.”

“Don’t hold back.” She challenged and he playfully scoffs at her.

“When have I ever held back?”

Before she could answer, Jaehyun dips a finger into her core. A shaky sigh escapes her as he languidly moves his finger around, feeling her inner walls and how wet she was.

“Show me how much you missed me first.” He quietly says, almost begging, “Use my hand.”

She was whimpering softly while she covered his hand with her own, grinding her clit into his palm. Her fingers tapped onto his middle finger and he understood what she wanted, inserting it along with his pointer finger. He dragged them against her inner walls that caused her to softly moan.

God, she was so hot.

She lifted her hips up, hoping to get some more leverage but he flexes his middle finger and it brushes against something spongy inside her, making her gasp and dropping her weight back down to the bed.

‘Don’t worry, baby,’ Jaehyun thinks, ‘I’ll take care of you.’

With no warning, he pumps his fingers into her, curling them inside before pulling out. He knows how much she loves that and he can feel her body already starting to convulse. He continued his actions, going harder and faster, ignoring the signs of her oncoming orgasm.

She lets out a cry, grabbing onto his wrist with both hands as her body violently shook.

Not wasting any time, Jaehyun takes whatever essence of her climax his fingers collected and smears it over his cock, giving it a few more pumps before he slides it in her.

Her moan may or may not have been too loud for the neighbors to hear, but he didn’t give a fuck. His baby wants to be loud because of him and only him, then let them send noise complaints. Despite being sensitive and still high from her orgasm, he watches her trying to spread her thighs further for him.

Her pussy is sucking him in as he bottoms out in her and it’s driving him crazy.

“Oh, fuck, you’re so tight. You feel amazing.” He mumbles before he begins to thrust, slow and deep. He leans over and kisses her neck, alternating between sucking and licking every patch of skin he can get his mouth on.

“I’m going to mark you so other guys wouldn’t think twice about hitting on you, okay?” He thrusts a little too hard to punctuate his question and she groans in response.

“Yes, yes,” She gasps, her hands finding purchase on his shoulders. “I’m yours.”

He lets out an animalistic growl he didn’t know he could make, hips moving more erratically with her words. “Say that again.”

“I’m yours.” She chants, almost like a prayer.

With every repetition of her invocation, Jaehyun snaps his hips into her, gaining more speed and power. She’s all he’s ever wanted and here she is offering herself to him, willingly admitting herself to him. It’s enough to make him cum but he holds out for her.

Her body thrashed against him as he gave her a second orgasm for the night. He helps her ride it out, keeping her hips still as he shallowly pushed into Her. She clenched around him and he moans at the sensation.

“Shit, that feels so good, baby.” He rasps, throwing his head back. Too good.

“Won’t you come?” She asked with a pout.

If she only knew the power she held on him; he could explode any second now.

Miraculously, he somehow controls himself as he slows his thrusts and studies the state of her body; still shivering from her high, how his kisses on her neck have bloomed into a bouquet of purple flowers, how her breasts rose with every haggard breath. He takes one into his hand, softly palming it. “I’m getting there.”

“Is there anything you want me to do?” Her pouty lips were so tempting that it gave him an idea.

He pulls out all of a sudden and crawls until his knees are on either side of her chest. “Open up.”

Obediently, she parts her lips and sticks her tongue out a little.

He groans; she looked so innocent but lewd at the same time. Taking his cock into his hand and pumping as fast as he can, he places the tip on her tongue when beads of pre-cum ooze out.

She licks it up immediately, as if to coax him to ejaculate by running her tongue on the underside of his cock’s head.

Jaehyun is hissing out curses one after the other as he finally found the final push he needed to come. White, hot liquid shoots into her mouth and amidst of her swallowing it, the remaining cum splashes onto her cupid’s bow, cheek, and chin. He cries out in anguish when she pushes herself up to suck him dry with hollowed cheeks. As she falls back to bed, one last spurt escapes him and hits her brow.

Seeing it dribble down her eyelid, he uses his thumb to swipe it off. He tried to clean it on his sheets, but she grabs hold of his wrist and guides it to her mouth, collecting the salty substance with her tongue.

“Jesus christ, [Y/N].” Jaehyun exhales, feeling his cock twitch at the salacious scene and how her tongue swirled around his finger.

“I just missed how you tasted.” She giggles, kissing his thumb. “Still delicious.”

He combs her sweat-slicked hair and chuckles, “Well, I’m sure you taste sweeter.”

She juts out her lower lip at him, feigning innocence, “How would you know? You haven’t tasted me in months.”

“Oh?” His eyes glaze over once again, “Is that a challenge?”

“Baby,” She cooed, “It’s an invitation.”

She’s going to be the death of him, he thinks as he smirks at her. “Don’t mind if I do, then.” He trails a kiss from between her breasts down to her navel. His tongue licks her clit, lightly lapping up her juices as he moves lower. He hears her moan and feels her body reacting; encouraging him to keep going. He uses a hand to spread her lips apart and probes her entrance in slow, sensual figures of eights with his tongue.

But then he realizes that she had stopped responding to his actions, so he pulls away and looks at her. She was staring off to the side and his gaze follows hers and once he spots what had grabbed her attention, he hovers above her and places a hand on either side of her head.

“Look at me.” He commands.

“You couldn’t have…” She murmurs, looking back at you with concerned eyes.

There’s no way out of this. There’s clearly blood on that bat he keeps forgetting to dispose of. He had to explain himself.

“He touched you.” He simply states, devoid of any emotion.

“Jaehyun!” She reprimands, but he cuts her off.

“He disrespected you, [Y/N]. I wasn’t going to let that pass by!”

“How did you even know I was the bar? Were you following me?”

“I wanted to make sure you were safe!”

She pushes him off, scooting off the bed and picking out her clothes from the floor. “Well, I was! Yebin and Minkyung were there with me. We left before he could do anything else. You didn’t have to beat him up with a bat! Jesus christ! Jae! You’re wanted by campus police.”

“He got what he deserved, [Y/N].” He coolly shrugs his shoulders, grabbing his boxers and slipping them on while watching her dress.

“And what about those guys from the pool?” She suddenly looks back at him, accusingly.

“I only meant to go after the one who couldn’t keep his eyes off you.” Jaehyun admits, “But his friends came looking for him, so I had to deal with them as well.”

“You took them by your--” She shuts her eyes in frustration and disbelief.

‘Trust me, love, I didn’t think I could do it by myself’ He inwardly scoffs, staring at her intently, ‘But I did, for you.’

Suddenly, she’s staring at him with an unreadable expression. Her gaze shifts to his study table where he left his mask and burner phone on. “...w-were you the guy last night?”

Just admit it all, Jung.

“Yes. I was outside your window, too, when you masturbated.”

She gapes at him with horrified astonishment, crying, “Why?! You scared me shitless!”

“That was the point.” He almost rolled his eyes at her.

Her jaw drops, unable to formulate a proper response, nevertheless, he continues to explain himself.

“I had to scare you back to me.”

“What?!”

“I was losing you.” His voice finally breaks from the monotony and raises an octave higher. “You asked for an extension when I was at my limit. I missed you!”

“I was mad! You punched my best friend, Jaehyun! I had the right to be! And it didn't mean you were losing me. I just needed time to cool down!” She pinched the bridge of her nose. Never, in the four years, they have spent together did they argue like this. “I can’t do this.”

Jaehyun’s ears start to ring at her words.

She tries to leave but he blocks her path.

“Can’t do what?” His voice had dropped, glaring her down.

She’s visibly taken aback from his demeanor, hindering her to respond to him, so he asks again in a raised voice.

“Can’t do what, [Y/N]?!”

“Let me go, Jae. I need to go.”

“Go where? Who are you running off to, huh? Doyoung? Taeyong?”

“Why are you dragging Taeyong into this?”

Jaehyun scowls, “I saw you giving his picture a heart eyes react.”

“Oh my god!” She shouts, “Do you hear yourself right now? So I liked his new photo because I thought his new hairstyle looked good. He’s our friend, remember? Jaehyun, please, let me leave.”

“And what? Extend our break even more? I don’t think so.” He reaches for her hand, but she avoids him. “[Y/N].”

“You’re honestly scaring me right now.” She backs away until she’s pressed up against the wall. “Why are you acting like this?”

“Because I love you, [Y/N],” He steps forward, doing his very best to control himself at the moment, “Everything I do is for you. I have to protect you. If you could only see how other guys look at you, how they would undress you with their eyes - I, I can’t let them disrespect you like that. They need to know that you’re mine and I’m yours.”

“And if you really, really do love me, Jae,” Her eyes begin to tear up, “You would let me leave.”

What? Leave?

“No. W-why?” His eyebrows scrunched up in frustration “Do you want to break up?”

She’s stumbling over her words, “I’m really scared right now, Jaehyun. Just please give me time to think--”

“Answer me!” He yelled, making her flinch in her spot. The last thread that kept him sane had snapped. He traps her against the wall, “Are you thinking about breaking up with me?”

“I don’t feel safe with you right now.” She breathes.

Her words were barely audible but they rang like sirens in Jaehyun’s ears. His head keeps repeating it over and over again: she’s not safe with you.

His vision bleeds red and he already knows what’s going to happen so he steps away from her, his subconsciousness reminding him to keep her out of harm’s way. He needed to hit something and it definitely won’t be her. His eyes get wet and blurry as they searched around the room for something, and they fell on the full length mirror attached to the bathroom door. Huffing, he takes two large steps towards it and swings as hard as he can.

He thinks he hears her screams as his fist connected to the mirror, creating a large, cracked web onto it. He lets the pain throb from his knuckles, before he repeatedly punches the mirror, over and over again; smashing chunks of the glass and sending them crashing to the floor.

“Jae, stop!” He thinks she yelled that to him, but he’s unsure. He just wants to let it out.

But he feels her grabbing his arms and stopping him, “Jaehyun!”

“Go away! I don’t want to hurt you,” He spares her a tormented glance. His cheeks feel wet; he didn’t even know he was crying. “I can’t hurt you, so let me--”

He attempts to throw another punch, but she holds him back.

Both of them struggled with one another, until he nudges her away and faces her, “You hate me!” He cries.

She shakes her head in denial, but he doesn’t believe you so repeats himself.

“You hate me.”

“I never said that.” She squeaked, staring into his eyes.

“You wanted to break up.” Jaehyun grabs a fistful of his hair, shutting his eyes as tightly as he can. The voices in his head chanted his words back at him.

“I never said that, either.” He hears her whisper.

He feels you touch his face and he flinches away it at first, snapping his eyes wide open like an injured beast being cornered, but the way she looked at him made him drop his defenses.

“I’m sorry.” He chokes out, sobbing like a little boy. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”

He repeats his apology over and over until he feels her pull him down, letting his head rest on the crook of her neck. “I can’t lose you, [Y/N]. I can’t. I just wanted to protect you.”

“You’re not gonna lose me and you won’t.” She runs one of her hands down his back while the other combed through his hair.

He pulls away, tears still flowing down his cheeks, “You’re not leaving me?”

She searches for something in his eyes, before slowly cocking her head and offering him an unsure smile as he lightheartedly points out: “I mean, I have to go home sooner or later. But I can spend the night if you want to.”

“I want you to.” He mumbles and she smiles up at him.

“Then I’ll stay the night.” She pulls him down until his forehead was touching hers. Playing with the short hairs on his nape, she whispers onto his lips, “I love you.”

He’s unsure if he should believe her, but casts his doubt away. He smiles back at her, “I love you, too.”

“Let’s get your hand cleaned up and wrapped, okay?” She kisses his cheek and leads him out the room, careful not to step on any glass shards.

As she knelt in front of him, trying not to vomit at the sight of his broken and bloody hand while fishing out the little shards of glass with a pair of tweezers, Jaehyun’s finally coming into terms the gravity of his condition.

Maybe she truly was unsafe with him; but why didn’t she run away when he had given her the chance to? He had given her a glimpse of the monster inside him, yet instead of fleeing, she stays to tame and satiate him. An immense of wave of love overcomes him; there’s absolutely no doubt in his mind that he wants her and only her for the rest of his life.

Jaehyun jerks his hand back when she attempts to remove some chunks of glass shards embedded too deep onto his knuckles with tweezers. “Ow!”

“You were literally punching the mirror 30 minutes ago! Give me your hand!” She hisses, pulling his hand back and resting it on top of the blood-stained towel on his lap.

He winced every now and then, biting his tongue when it had hurt a tad too much for him to handle.

“I think I got them all out.” She says after a while, inspecting it under the torchlight of her phone, “Uh, yeah, okay. Go wash it with warm water and come back here.”

Jaehyun quietly obeys, standing up from his seat and taking the bowl of glass shards with him.

After doing what he’s been told, he disposes of the glass shards and bloody towel. Returning to his seat, he dries his hand with a new towel.

She tends to his wound once more, dabbing it with disinfectant. “Jae, we need to talk about what happened.”

“I know.” He solemnly whispers; he had hoped this could easily blow over without the need to discuss it, but he doubts you would ever forget what had happened. “I’m… not okay.”

She patiently waits for him to continue, showing him she’s confused by his statement; looking up at him briefly before taking a roll of gauze to wrap his hand with.

“I…” He licks his lips, “I’m diagnosed with this mental disorder…”

“And how is your relationship now after you told her about your disorder?”

Jaehyun glances down at his injury; she had rebandaged it again for him today, even though he could have had a professional do it. It was a simple act of love for him. “Like it never happened.”

“Oh, then she understands then? That’s good-”

“But,” Jaehyun sits up, hunching forward and resting his forearms on his thighs to support his weight, his fingers just loosely woven together in front of him. He blankly stares at the small altar his doctor had in his office. He was a very religious man, but he oddly never pushed religion onto him during their sessions. “She seems more… careful.”

“I see.” Dr. Jeon massages his chin, “I would say it’s normal. She’s still processing it; she’ll eventually understand.”

“But when she understands, will she stay?”

His doctor frowns at him, “I can’t answer for Ms. [Y/N], Jaehyun. I personally believe you should just tell her everything; you’re founding your relationship on-”

“Lies?” He finishes for him, “I don’t like that word. Let’s call it… an altered fact. She’ll leave me if she finds out. I can tell her more details about my disorder, but anything more? I just know… she’ll leave me.”

“What makes you think-”

Jaehyun cuts him off with a leer and curt laugh, “I know she will, doctor. Don’t pretend she won’t. You know what I’ve done; how I spent years devoting myself to her like how you are with your God. You know how I felt alone and empty growing up; but then I met her; and I felt something beyond my comprehension. Like how Moses discovered the burning bush on Mount Sinai or how a dove brought back an olive branch to Noah. She had single-handedly completed me and now she’s mine. She said it herself; my goddess claimed herself to be mine. It’s only right and just I protect her in return. Isn’t that what you do? When someone disrespects your God, don’t you defend him?”

Dr. Jeon wearily watches him, but it’s nothing he hasn’t heard or seen before. Maybe that’s why he’s tempted to press one of the many panic buttons hidden around the room as discreet as he can. He knows he’ll regret it if he does it again - the Jungs can be quite unforgiving when they’re falsely accused of becoming a threat. It was paranoia and panic that pushed the button last time that brought in heavy set personnel to escort Jaehyun out with a nurse armed with a tranquilizer just in case. Jaehyun’s father was not pleased, almost threatening to terminate their exclusive contract. However, the young man in front of him wasn’t the same person that entered half an hour ago.

“I am going to do everything in my power to keep it that way - to keep her mine - and nothing,” Jaehyun stresses, “Nothing is going to stop me.”

“And if anybody gets in the way,” he clenches both his fists so tightly that blood starts to emerge from his bandages. Dr. Jeon reaches out to stop him, but Jaehyun separates his hands and stares at his palms, “I’ll kill them with my bare hands.”

a/n: yes the Jung’s therapist is SVT Wonwoo’s brother lol also i purposefully left out Jaehyun’s actual disorder out so I can discuss it in later chapters of Devoted 2 (during that joint therapy session) I’m sorry if it got a little too dark, but I promise the plot is better like this.

I hope you guys liked this! uwu

#nct smut #nct scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios

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theoriginalcarnivorousmuffin · 5 years

Text

And Now a Rant Brought to You by Whining Reviewers

I normally try to keep complaints about this sort of thing to myself, as I usually find it kind of petty when authors complain about responses to fanfiction, but I have finally been pushed to far and must rant.

An Analogy and Fanfiction Writing from a Broader Perspective

First, let’s think about a good metaphor for writing fanfiction. A friend once related it to me as being something like working in a fast food restaurant. Your customers want their meal fast, cheap, and exactly what they came for.

If their hamburger doesn’t come with the pickles of Tom/Harry high school romance with miniature death eaters that they were expecting when they walked in the door they will let you and all of their friends know about it.

I’m going to take it a bit further. The fast food analogy implies that I have customers and can expect them. Not necessarily in this fanfiction world of ours. Instead, it’s more like sitting on the side walk and you’ve made yourself a sandwich stand. You’re about as legitimate as the ten-year-old’s lemonade stand across the street, but you’ve got more materials to work with.

The first thing you do, after having checked out other sandwich stands in the area, is start making sandwiches that you want to eat. Maybe they look like other sandwiches that you really enjoyed, maybe they add the secret sauce that all other sandwiches were lacking, who knows but you make them on your own time and eat them at your tiny dilapidated shack.

This goes on for a while until one day, out of the blue, you make a sandwich that people really like. Suddenly people are hanging around your sandwich shop, asking for more of one sandwich or else praising the deliciousness of your sandwiches even in comparison to actual restaurants.

This, eventually, is where the rant will come in.

Some Typical Complaints

Reviewers don’t always like my work and I fully accept that. There can be very legitimate reasons for not liking my particular brand of fanfiction, or anyone’ s for that matter. It might not be your genre, it might be too damn weird, you might not accept some of the assumptions made within the story, or who knows maybe the story is just a pile of garbage.

That said, aside from those legitimate sort of complaints, I do get ones I frequently raise my eyebrows at.

First there’s the, “I clearly haven’t read your story but goddammit this thing that didn’t even happen in your fic pisses me off!” These are the people itching for a fight, they’re usually so hasty and so enraged, that they have frequent misspellings in their reviews and will frequently cite events that honest-to-god did not happen in the story. I’m never quite sure what to do with these other than shrug and wonder how these people are getting on thinking they’ve read stories they very clearly haven’t read at all.

Then there’s the similar but not quite the same, “I’ve got a bone to pick with you, relatively well known internet author, and I’m going to slander your whole work with all the tropes I’ve read from the internet that you’re breaking to look cool”. The last part doesn’t always come in, there’s also just the “I’ve got a bone to pick with you” but these are the people who seem drawn in by the relative popularity of the story and in a review will cite well known tropes or else fandom assumptions that the story is breaking and will write it in such a way as to make the author feel very stupid. A note, if you’re thinking of leaving a review like this, I warn you now that it will make you look like a pretentious asshole and ten times dumber than you are. Chances are the author has already heard this twelve times over and if not, they’ve already certainly considered it. These people are a little more obnoxious than the prior but there’s not much to say to them either. They’re not in it to read the story, after all, but instead to prove a point about themselves. Why they need fan ficition to do this, I don’t know, but I suppose whatever floats people’s boats.

Third there are the ones I do feel quite awful about. These are the ones in which a story starts in one direction for all intents and purposes and then veers entirely into left field leaving readers behind. Sometimes it’s intended, sometimes the story evolves to such a point, but often these loyal readers feel quite betrayed and will note as much in reviews. These ones are hard, and very often quite justified, but the story is what the story is and there is always the option of simply not reading.

The Complaints Where I am Baffled

The complaints I’ve been getting recently, where I’m entirely baffled, are not any of the above or anything I consider reasonable. These, instead, are all along the lines of, “Hey, author, I notice you’re not writing this thing that I specifically want you to write. You write too much of <blank>. That pisses me off and if you don’t change you’re ways I’m gonna leave.”

To get back to the sandwich analogy, this isn’t a vehement rant over the customer’s desire for pickles on a free sandwich they found at a shack, it’s instead a customer who eats a few sandwiches, looks down at it in consternation, looks at the sandwich shack, and says, “Jesus Christ, author, do you have anything besides these fucking sandwiches?”

Me, lowly sandwich maker that I am, can only stare flabbergasted. For one, there is a tin of homemade baklava that nobody wants over there at the side that this customer has conveniently overlooked for the far more popular sandwiches. Second, it is a sandwich shop in which the customer has picked up, not even an ordered, a sandwich free of charge. A sandwich shack in a neighborhood filled with hundreds of sandwich shacks where one undoubtedly sells exactly what the customer is looking for.

However, instead it implies that you, as in you author and no one else, should be fulfilling their specific sandwich order that everyone else already supplies (and no, they didn’t see the baklava, but it looks like garbage anyway so can you make the fucking special sandwich, are you just incapable of doing anything besides the weird ass sandwiches you’ve already been making?) despite the fact that they are not paying you to do so with the laughable threat that they’ll walk out or else think you’re an idiot if you don’t comply.

Bitch, Please

So far we’ve had a lot of ranting but I do actually have a few solutions for you disheartened souls out there who really really really want The Carnivorous Muffin to stop writing “Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus” and start writing “Harry/Draco Mpreg Romance” (no one has actually asked for this, I’m not actually sure what these reviewers want from me, just that it’s not what I’m giving).

Start Looking in Other Places

There's a lot of fanfiction out there, and I mean a lot. Yes, most of it is not high quality, no that is not the author’s problem (you picked a sandwich up from a shack on the side of the road, remember, anybody can sell a sandwich, you don’t have to eat it).

That said, if you’re looking for something chances are that someone, somewhere, has written it.

More, if you’re looking for a specific trope, like WBWL there are undoubtedly fifty different versions floating about with several different archives all tailored for exactly what you’re looking for.

Write it Yourself

The reason I write what I do, in part, is because I knew there was a snowball’s chance in hell it would already be out there. Not, at least, with all of the pickles, lettuce, ketchup on the side, or what have you that my dream sandwich required.

You have something specific in mind? The author not living up to your expectations? Sit down at a computer or even a piece of paper and write what it is you're looking for. I guarantee you, you’ll be much less frustrated and happier for it. Who knows, other people have probably been looking for that too and you’ll go and make their day.

Prompt Existing Authors

Some fanfiction authors take prompts, I am actually among them, if you want something written the way you want it then go and prompt them. They may turn you down, that’s their right, but the fact is that there are people you can go and politely ask for this sort of thing.

Do Not Whine to the Author Like a Smarmy Asshole Because You Couldn’t Read Mayonnaise in the List of Ingredients

Often, also with this sort of review, it becomes clear that they a) don’t read summaries, b) don’t read author’s notes and then are upset that they didn’t read the information contained in the summaries or author’s notes.

Regardless, even if you are fully informed and chose to complain to the author that they’re not writing what you want, stop and think before you push that button.

First, is what you’re asking for in any way unreasonable? Does the author have any motivation at all to comply with your individual needs? Has anyone else brought this up in a review or is it you alone who has an issue? Can you solve this problem by leaving to read something else?

If you answered yes to any of the above then it’s best you don’t leave that review. If you do, trust me, the author will engrave your username in their memory and will always remember you as “ack, it’s that smarmy asshole who can’t read authors notes”

My Ode to Reviewers

That said, the vast majority of you are encouraging, wonderful and when you nitpick or bring up criticism you do so with grace and style. My blessings unto you all.

End Rant

#writing #fan fiction #rant #handling flames #flames

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rosykims · 5 years

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5 + 10 for emeraude, 14 + 18 for effie, 19 + 24 for arylene and 30 through 45 for imogen bc i love her so much ? 😏😏😏

fdjkfjkfdk thank u SO much maia i absolutely Treasure You !

EMERAUDE HAWKE - DA2

What does your OC normally wear? What would your OC wear on a special night?

emeraudes fashion sense is probably my favourite out of all my ocs, so uh if u havent looked at her pinterest board yet u should do that bc its Very cute hehehe

anyway for the most part she sticks to dark, practical clothing whenever she's out and about in kirkwall or doing merc work, etc. she picks clothes that convey strength and power, but she likes having a little bit of colour somewhere on the piece, just to keep things interesting. she's not much of an embroider, but was a good way to keep herself distracted during hard times, so she tends to add little patterns here and there whenever she gets the chance!

as for special occasions, for her this would actually just be. a quiet night at home or a relaxed gathering with her friends. bc its so rare for her to have that lmao. anyway for events like that she usually wears light colours and soft fabrics, simple but always decorated with flowers or colourful patterns.

What does your OC keep in a special drawer?

she has a collection of gifts ! that kids from lowtown would give her over the years she spent in kirkwall. she's a very community based person and wants to do right for her city, and shes very nurturing (in an ironical, Cool Big Sister way) so she likes making sure all the kids are safe and being looked after. she gets a lot of trinkets and strange gifts from some of the kids as a result, but she does treasure them (even if she laughs about it with her friends) and keeps them all !

EFFIE RYDER - MEA

Who is the mother and/or father figure in your OC’s life?

effie's maternal rolemodel has always been her late mother, ellen. nobody could really fill that role in her eyes, since they had such a close, positive relationship before she passed. her relationship with her dad was a lot more strained and it really impacted a lot of her relationships later on in life too ! she tends to.... see an older man who is Vaguely Nice to her, and then think “ oh, youre my dad now?” which isnt fair to anybody obviously but yeah she,,,, has a lot of unresolved issues regarding alec and tends to unintentionally project so. We stan !

How many times did your OC move as a child? Which area was his/her favorite?

oh constantly lol. With her dad being an n7 and her mother working so hard on her research, they tended to move around wherever her parents work required. she actually enjoyed it this way. she was never good at making long term friends, but she lived meeting new people, and obviously with the move she got to experience a lot of different cultures which really put the idea of adventuring and travelling in her head at a young age.

ARYLENE TORR - TES IV

What does your OC think of children- either in general or about having them?

she likes them ! she tends to keep her distance with most communities and groups of people in particular, but she does like enjoys having the odd conversation with the odd street urchin here and there, either sharing with them some strange, ridiculous life advice or – if shes feeling particularly chaotic – telling them the scariest stories she can think of. as for having them, arylene isnt AGAINST the idea, but she has far too much for the foreseeable future for that to ever be a good idea

Who are the people your OC dislikes/hates?

outwardly, arylene is an almost unbearably easy going person, so you would assume she doesnt hate anyone lol. but she does DEEEPLY dislike cults and groups of ignorant people who are arrogant enough to start messing with the balance of life, or making deals with gods, etc. she believes that people like that can do an unbelievable amount of damage, so she invests a lot of time and effort it sabotaging any group or plot she happens to find !

IMOGEN FOSTER - RDR2

Did your OC participate in extracurricular activities, and if so, what were they?

hmm idk if this even EXISTED in 19th century london lol, but she would have done some very tame version of girl scouts as a child! She barely remembers any of it, but she liked the classes on what plants did what, which were safe to eat, and the likes. its something that helps her a lot when on the run with the gang, and something shes always had a personal interest in, as a nurse !

other than that, she’s done a lot of independent study on history, classical literature, and she speaks fluent italian we stan !

What is your OC’s opinion of school? What kind of student was s/he?

imogen comes from a very wealthy aristocratic family, so she was very fortunate that her privilege afforded her the education she got at the time. she is VERY grateful to have attended the schools she did, and she made sure to make the most of it, paying attention in class and studying harder than most of her classmates. she's a smart girl with a very active mind, so knowledge is something she can't get enough of. she was actually petitioning the board of education to allow her to attend university before she left for america – already their had been women accepted into universities at that time, but obviously it was still a very scandalous thing lol, especially since imogen wanted to study medicine.

What subjects did your OC excel at?

imogen is a HUGE overachiever and did pretty well at basically everything from science, mathematics, language studies and later on, in her studies as a nurse. i can tell you what shes bad at though lmao

anything physical really dkdkdks she is TERRIBLE at horse-riding since she usually just went by carriage everywhere in the city. art and poetry and writing in general she was never great at, because she's a pretty logical person and was told she never put enough emotion in her work lol !!! sports...obviously was very limited anyway as growing up in like? the early 1870s lol. and as for the traditionally feminine lessons in like ?? sewing and cooking and stuff well ! she was very average at them which made her  feel worse than if she was actually bad bc she's so used to excelling and making a name for herself oof

What subjects interested your OC?

Imogen loves greek literature and mythology !! the iliad is her favourite book and she keeps her heavily annotated, dog eared copy – a gift from her late father – on her person almost constantly. needless to say its why dutch admires her as much as he does lol.

obviously, as a nurse-trying-to-be-a-doctor, she has a great love for medicine in all its forms. she's always been fascinated in natural remedies, and even moreso when she's running with the van der linde gang and is really relying on the land to survive.

What is your OC’s dream job and/or current profession?

hmm okay so. Technically she's a nurse – she worked in her father's hospital for almost 10 years prior to his death, and she was sort of his unofficial understudy, as in she knows a LOT more than her job description requires lol. but after her father past away, another, less progressive man took his place as chief of surgery and made a lot of changes to the way the hospital operated, and imogen was let go. she and her mother were fighting against it, however, under the ground of unfair dismissal, but obviously given the time period it didnt get them very far. so ! i mean technically she's unemployed rn. but she still has dreams of being a doctor, or at least continuing her career in medicine.

How is your OC working towards their dream job and/or achieved their current profession?

Oh VERY direct action up until she got disheartened and chose to take her sabbatical. she had been working in her role for nearly a decade, and was very obviously one of the most experienced nurses there. even younger doctors would sometimes ask her for her medical opinion dksksks anyway what i am saying is Brain Very Good. she had been fighting to gain admission into a university – any, she wasnt picky – to study medicine officially, but it didnt get very far and she put it on hold after her father got sick. after he died and she was laid off, she fought even harder against the city to reinstate her title, and continues to fight after she returns from america a year or so later.

What are your OC’s thoughts/opinions of his/her current profession?

helping people is her entire life, and she wouldn't know what to do without it. she loves being a nurse enough to fight to be a doctor, but also in BEING a nurse, she is hyperaware of all the things current medical standards seem to get wrong, and she has a lot of ideas about how else to go about things. her father, a shockingly progressive and worldly man for the time period, shared her sentiment, but he wasn't able to make the changes he wanted to before he passed, so imogen hopes she can be the change herself, and make her father proud

What is your OC’s biggest dream?

being a licenced doctor, babey ! preferably at her father's hospital, but at the point she will take what she can get.

How does your OC react to and handle stress?

imogen handles stress very well , which is partially why she makes such a good medic, and also how she managed to survive the first week of being with the van der linde gang lmao. she is very good at shutting out EVERY distraction when things get dicey, and her brain tends to move at a million miles an hour. all traces of english etiquette and politeness go out the window, though, so you'll usually catch her barking orders at people, and yelling at anyone who prevents her from doing the work she needs to do. it.....is a big wake up call for people like dutch and micah, and gets her into a LOT of trouble on multiple occasions.

How does your OC handle anger?

ooo......not great. she’s grown up with parents who maybe encouraged her to speak her mind a bit....TOO much given the historical circumstances lol. she really doesn’t stand for ignorance or prejudices in any capacity, and if she has a problem with someone and it gets in the way of her trying to do her work or help others - she will ABSOLUTELY be having words. she also overestimates her own strength quite a lot. she’s tried to throw hands with micah MANY times, often forgetting she’s this tiny 70kg englishwoman and he’s .... Him sdjkdcjkf. she has a big mouth too so she often says snide remarks without even meaning too, which tends to get her in trouble as well. on the bright side, it also helps her fit in with the gang quite well, because for the most part they all appreciate how wild she is lmao

How does your OC handle grief?

hmm i guess it depends on what you would class as “well”? she doesnt cry very often - being stoic and handling your emotions is important when your a nurse - but she does tend to shove her feelings down far longer than she should, and tries to pretend they don’t exist by simply focusing on other things. she also blames herself when a lot of things go wrong, because she’s a perfectionist and wants to FIX everything, so when she finds something - or someone - she can’t save, it feels like a personal failure. like she let them down :(

What is your OC’s greatest fear?

probably being trapped in an unhappy, unfulfilling marriage with someone who undervalues her. she’s not much of a homebody and doesn’t have too much of an interest in being married, but the idea of feeling FORCED to marry someone in order to have a decent quality of life makes her blood run cold oof

What makes your OC happy?

helping people ! meeting new folks ! learning about other cultures and ways of life! learning about NEW THINGS in general ! proving people wrong ! insulting micah !

as tough and high-and-mighty as she sometimes seems, she’s a pretty easy person to please, honestly. treat her with respect, give her space to do the things she wants to do, and don’t get in the way of her opportunities to learn new things, and she’s mostly very happy !

What kind of sense of humor does your OC have?

she has a fairly macabre and sardonic sense of humour, something she picked up from her mother. she says a lot of Shocking things for the time period, and she’s not shy of dirty jokes either. the first time sean heard her, a soft, well spoken english Lady, make some filthy, crude joke, he nearly had a stroke right there on the spot kjkjkfdjkf

What are some things that greatly upset your OC?

senseless violence, suffering or cruelty. she really hated the gang at first and hoped to escape the first chance she got, because all she could see was the crime and disregard for human life she assumed they all held. fortunately, as she got to know them, she realized this wasn’t exactly the case, but she still has a lot of anger in her heart for a few key members of the gang who seem to enjoy bloodshed more than anything. she also hates any form of social prejudice, and people who gatekeep knowledge and opportunities from others.

What are some things that annoy your OC?

i guess all of the above, but she also dislikes misplaced arrogance, and people who talk down to others. she tolerates dutch, but often gets frustrated with the way he speaks, using as many big words as he can to manipulate and confuse others. she believes that really intelligence doesn’t require obscure jargon and big, fancy words - she likes keeping things simple, so everybody can follow along.

#trvelyans #asks #ilysm for asking so many questions gal and sorry for the late reply !#oc: emeraude #oc: effie #oc: arylene #oc: imogen #imogen is my new rdr2 oc in case u couldnt tell djkdsjks #i need to update my ocs page with all my new Babies #also im so sorry for how long and probably messy these replies are #i did Not proofread this in the slightest so. godspeed !!#/ long post

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theemichelleb · 5 years

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My walk with Christ

A good friend of mine suggested that I write about my spiritual journey because my perspective could be of help to somebody out there. I’ve been dwelling on what that post would even look like for a long time and I think this is my chance to stand on my own two feet as the woman I have grown to be and acknowledge my faith and my beliefs as an adult rather than what they “had to be” as a child.

Growing up in a COGIC christian household, everybody knows what I mean when I say “had to be.” Waking up every Sunday for church, bible study every Wednesday night, vacation bible school every summer, on as many ministries as you can handle as a little person, i.e. usher board, youth choir, or the praise dance team, and running up to the Pastor/Bishop/Shepard of the church after every service to say your hello’s and show you’re a good christian child. Oh, and don’t forget the church services that turned into praise services lasting for approximately 2 hours with nothing but praise ushered into the house by the band and choir on those Sunday’s when the leader of the house is out for whatever the reason may be. That was life for me. I’m extremely thankful to my mother for being holy and full in her faith to never let me fall by the waste side; she is the foundation of my faith and my peace in being who I am as a Christian woman.

As a child it was necessary to help me understand where my protection, favor, and blessings came from. My mother always told me she knew I was special when she found out she was pregnant with me at 44. I meet new people all the time and I am always told there’s a glow about my presence and who I am as a black woman that I can’t take credit for. I am who I am because my mother covered me in the spirit and asked God to walk with and protect me through all my days. I do not make moves without first consulting God and then waiting for his validation that what I am trying to do is a part of his plan for me. I know he placed me on this earth for a purpose and that’s what I pray every day to move closer to attaining to make him, as well as my father, proud.

When you’re growing up in a black church, you’re kept out of grown folks business… like most things when it comes to the black community. The politics that come along with being a member of a church are truly disheartening sometimes, but we’re protected from that as kids most of the time. There are a lot of judgmental people within the church and, although I have not experienced it as much first hand, I have watched people very near and dear to me be victimized by the church. You don’t understand snide remarks and underhanded comments when you’re 7 or 8, but you see the affects of them down the road when those who were attacked are no longer around.

Let me redirect you, however, because this post is not about my negative experiences with my faith but rather how I continue to move forward with it no matter what.

As I said, my mother had me when she was 44 years old, which added a different layer to my church experience. Everyone assumed I was her grand daughter because of the age gap, but I was treated with a sense of protection; especially after my father passed. That’s probably my favorite thing, having an extended family that watched over and protected me no matter what. My protection comes from the kind and nurturing spirit my mother has that was also passed on to me. I hear so often how beautiful my spirit is and how comfortable people can be with me… which again I credit that all to God.

I, like many college students, slowly drifted away from my overly frequent attendance at church. I found hesitance in sitting under teaching and preaching in a new place of worship; mainly because you never know what those leaders are practicing in their personal lives. I grew up with a Bishop that was accepted by my family, presented himself with the same spirit in front of the congregation as he did in the private presence of my family, him and his family helped mine in a time of transition after they moved to VA, and, if for no other reason, I clung to him because he favored my father’s physical appearance. He taught me everything I know and practice in my personal life because he leads by example. He was a true angel and I’m thankful for him and everyone else that helped mold me into the woman of God that I can openly say I am today.

But!

I am not an angel.

I am not a perfect church girl.

I am not the child I use to be.

I love all types of music. I have my periodic run in with use of less than desirable language. I have tattoos and piercings. I drink occasionally. I don’t always make the “right” decisions. I criticize myself. I struggle with loving myself. I struggle with loving others.

I. Am. Human.

My walk with Christ is about self-reflection, being faithful, and doing good while on this Earth. We only get one chance to do life, and I choose to do life with God everyday. He covers me, helps lead my way on the path he predestined for me, and helps me leave a piece of him with every person I come in contact with. When I hear about that light or glow that tends to follow me, I thank God for blessing me with faith so visible it shines through my presence. I know I am not perfect and I pray that nobody holds me to that standard… it’s too heavy a burden to try to bear. I know I make mistakes and at times I punish myself for not being what I thought I would be as an adult. It’s hard living up to something that I couldn’t have understood as a child, but I do my best to live up to being a good God fearing woman. I treat others with love and kindness as much as possible, and don’t let this world get to me in ways I can’t control. I do believe in scripture and the stories told of God and his will for us as his children, but I understand those stories were written by men.

I’m not here to convince anybody of what I believe. If you take nothing else from this, the one thing I ask you to do is to look at your life and decide if you are living one you would want your children to live. Are you creating a legacy to make God proud? There are so many walks of faith; from denomination to denomination and then within each denomination. I challenge you to not just be a body in a faith you don’t understand or accept anything less than what you truly know and feel is right. Our godliness is in how we treat others, how we treat ourselves, and how we pass on joy peace and love. I believe God placed me here for reason and I pray I touch as many people with that vision and love as I possibly can.

Something that I struggle with largely is with disappointing my family, mainly my mother. I often find myself looking at my life and wondering how far I’ve fallen from the tree, but as soon as I question myself I learn new things about my spiritual mentors that I never would have guessed; these things make me realize we’re all only human. Accepting I am no longer a child and that’s it’s okay to make my own decisions is the most challenging part of being an adult for me. As the days move forward I get more comfortable with being in my own skin and trying not to live a life that others tell me I should live. I don’t fit into the textbook definition of what a Christian woman is and I know that. Sometimes… that scares me the most… but then I remember God still loves me. I am his child.

My relationship with God is my most prized possession.

Be courageously different, even if the “norm” doesn’t always agree… they can’t see a vision that wasn’t created for them.

I have flaws and I have a long way to go to be the best version of myself that I can be, but I am working towards that goal everyday, every hour, every minute, and every second. I enjoy life because it’s a blessing God grants me everyday I wake up, and I am not shameful of loving him the way I do or living my life to the best of my ability the way I have.

Remember, next time before you judge that person, act in love.

It’s not always about matching up to somebody else’s holiness… everybody’s level grows at it’s own pace, the same way everybody’s D.O.P.E. isn’t at the same level.

Be the D.O.P.E. child of God he created you to be. Somebody is waiting to experience your blessings and somebody needs to be influenced by your faith and purpose.

#faith #spirituality #spiritual #God #Christ #Christian Life #Christianity

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loljulie · 6 years

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flicker; {001} think of the start

(so, here is the first part to my Deviant!Connor x Female!Reader mini-series. i can’t guarantee how many chapters there will be at this point, but i would say at least 3. because this game is so dependent on individual choices, and because the game literally takes place in like 3 days, this story is going to have some moments from the game and some made up in the interest of character development. this first part is setting up the reader’s character and her relationship to hank and people in the station, so it is a bit of filler unfortunately. i promise, the next chapter will be interesting ;) thank you if you do read, and i’d love some feedback!)

genre: detroit: become human

deviant!connor x reader

word count: 2212

The freezing air barely had any chance to nip at your exposed face as you rushed into the police station, hoping nobody would notice your second tardy of the week. You breathed a sigh of relief as your eyes found Captain Fowler in his glass office, fortunately preoccupied with Lieutenant Anderson and a new android you hadn’t seen before. Your hurried steps took you to your desk, across from Hank’s, as you hastened to remove your beanie and attempted to appear busy.

The computer screen had just started to boot up with email notifications and previously open browsers when you could hear muffled shouting from Fowler’s office. Your head swiveled just enough for you to see Hank and Fowler engaged in another screaming match while the dark-haired android idly stood by. A faint smile crossed your lips as you turned back to resume your work, knowing all too well the outcome of their argument.

Without fail, heavy footsteps sauntered over to the desk across from yours, and with a loud sigh, your coworker plopped onto his chair. From the corner of your eye, you could see his arms folded over his chest as the android attempted – and failed – to lighten the mood. After a few more uncomfortably awkward efforts from the android to make conversation, you stood up and crossed over to greet Hank.

“Hope I’m not interrupting anything,” you commented as you came to a halt before both of their computer screens. Instantly, you felt two gazes on you, one relieved and one scrutinizing.

“Believe me, it’s a welcome interruption,” Hank muttered. Your eyes flitted to the android to gauge his reaction, but as was usually the case with them, there was none to be had. You smiled softly to the android before reaching into the box of donuts on Hank’s desk and stealing one for yourself.

“I didn’t get to eat breakfast this morning,” you explained to Hank’s arched brow before taking a bite of the glazed donut.

“And you still showed up later than me?” He teased, a faint smile tugging at his lips. You shrugged.

“My alarm didn’t wake me up, and you of all people should understand technology troubles,” you shot back with a wink. Hank conceded and leaned back in his chair. Your relationship with Lieutenant Anderson was a mixture between mentor and friend. Despite the generational gap and your disapproval of his heavy drinking, Hank was one of the few people at the police station you worked well with.

“Are you going to introduce me to your new friend?” You asked tentatively, an eyebrow raised. Hank shot an exasperated glance up at you but didn’t speak.

“My name is Connor,” the android spoke. Your eyes shifted to meet his gaze. “I’m the android sent by Cyberlife to help Lieutenant Anderson with the deviants.”

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly while you glanced back to Hank. “I’m sorry, what? Fowler did what?”

“I don’t think it was entirely up to Fowler,” Hank replied in a cool tone, noticing your agitation. He turned to Connor for a moment. “Go get us some coffee.”

You waited for Connor to leave the desk before venting your frustration. “Ever since we had the first instance of deviancy 9 months ago, I’ve been dedicating my entire workload to analyzing every single clue. I have poured over the evidence for hours on end and you’re telling me it was for nothing? I should be on this case with you, Hank.”

“Believe me, I’d prefer you over that any day,” Hank grumbled, voicing the dissatisfaction you no doubt heard in Fowler’s office moments earlier. “But you just became a lieutenant, they’re going to throw you smaller cases to see what you can handle first. They did it to me, too.”

You let out a sigh of frustration. “9 months of work, Hank.” You commented tersely, your arms crossed over your chest.

Hank gave you a fleeting look of genuine empathy before Connor returned, two paper cups in hand. He offered one to you, which you took with a forced smile. Frustration and all, you still were polite. Unlike the protestors you pass by in town squares, you looked upon androids favorably, even after the deviancy outbreaks.

“I didn’t know how you drank your coffee, so I just left it black.” He explained as you took the cup from him.

“Cream and sugar until there’s no coffee left,” Hank answered with a sly smile. You rolled your eyes.

“While I do enjoy some cream and sugar, I still enjoy the taste of coffee, Hank,” you replied. You turned to Connor and lowered your voice slightly. “Hank thinks lattes are too fancy for his taste. He’s a simple man, but you probably already know that.”

“I heard that, you know.” Hank called out. “I may be old, but my hearing is still as good as it used to be.”

You let out a small chuckle and headed back to your desk. -

Not long after your interaction with Connor and Hank, they were called to investigate the suspected hideout of a deviant android. Up until then, you watched out of the corner of your eye as Connor analyzed files you had spent hours looking over in just a matter of seconds.

It was disheartening, to say the least. Seeing the spot you had been working to fill taken by a newcomer would upset anybody, especially when the job had forced you to miss family events and other engagements. When the pair across from you left, you had decided to voice your concerns to Fowler.

The glass walls allowed you to see that Fowler didn’t appear to be busy. You approached the glass door and tapped your finger knuckle on it three times. Fowler looked up from his computer screen and nodded. With a polite smile, you opened the door and stepped inside.

“What brings you to my office, Lieutenant (Y/L/N)?” He asked, his eyes refocused on his screen.

“I wanted to talk to you about the Android cases,” you declared with a confident tone. “And about how I think I deserve to be on them.”

Fowler looked up at you and sighed. “(Y/N), Lieutenant Anderson and his android are already on it. Your skills are better suited elsewhere.”

You had to stop yourself from scoffing. “On civil disputes?” You asked rhetorically. “Captain, I’m not asking you to remove either of them from the case. Just let me work with them. You know how much time I’ve spent on these cases already.”

Fowler met your gaze with a sympathetic look that told you more than his words could. “I know, and I’m sorry, but for now the cases are being handled by them two. There’s nothing either of us can do.”

You stared at Fowler for a moment more, desperately hoping there was anything else to be said. When it became obvious the discussion was over, you nodded solemnly and began to take your leave.

“(Y/L/N), one more thing,” Fowler’s voice interrupted. You turned your head toward him. “If they need it, you’ll have to share any notes you have on the investigation.”

As if taking the position you had yearned for wasn’t enough, now your work would literally be taken from you. A small sigh escaped your lips, but you nodded in response anyway, and returned back to your desk.

Your 15 minute break was over too soon for your liking. With a sigh, you pocketed your phone and threw away your empty wrapper before leaving the breakroom and heading back to your desk. As you sat down, you noticed Hank and Connor had returned from their call. You logged back into your computer, though their conversation was more interesting than the reports you had to file.

“Look, Connor, following them into the intersection would’ve been a stupid fuckin’ choice,” Hank’s grizzly voice spoke.

“I might have been able to intercept them if I chased them,” Connor replied, “but they got away, and now there is another deviant on the loose.”

Hank let out a frustrated sigh. “You followed my orders, which is what you’re supposed to do. Now, I ain’t gonna sit here and listen to you whine about what could’ve happened.”

Hank stood up from his chair, only minutes since he had sat down in it, and continued. “I’m gonna go get something to eat. Stay here, you got that?”

The Lieutenant didn’t wait for an answer before walking past your desk and leaving. Your eyes followed Hank as he disappeared into the station lobby. To your right, Connor seemed to be standing still at the front of Hank’s desk, as if unsure of what to do with himself.

You began filling out the report on your screen at a sluggish pace, knowing it was the only one you had to complete until you were off in 3 hours. As you worked, you became aware of a presence approach your desk.

“Lieutenant (Y/L/N),” Connor’s familiar voice made you gladly take your eyes off of your screen. “I know that you are a colleague of Lieutenant Anderson’s. I would like to know if you have any notes about the deviant cases I could have a look at.”

Your heart sank. It was inevitable that either Hank or Connor would’ve asked for your notes on the case, but it was still hard to come to terms with. Your smile faltered only slightly, but it was enough for the android to notice.

“I hope this isn’t a bother to you,” He added.

“No, not at all,” you replied, though it was partially a lie. You opened up a drawer to your desk and pulled out a tablet. “I’ve only taken notes on evidence collected at the crime scenes. Comments and speculation aren’t included.”

“Why not?” Connor asked as you handed him the unlocked tablet with your studious notes. You glanced over at Captain Fowler’s office before replying.

“I’m not supposed to make official notes about my ‘opinion’ of what happened,” you made sure to put an emphasis where it was needed, hoping that would be understood by the android. “I’m not technically assigned to the case, and I’ve just been promoted, so my speculation isn’t exactly credible to their eyes.”

Connor only nodded in response, then turned his attention to the tablet. Realizing he was about to read all of your hard work, you decided to get back to your task on hand. Only a few moments later, the tablet was placed back on your desk.

“Thank you, those notes were very detailed and well-written,” Connor stated. You stared at the tablet, and then at the android, bewildered.

“Did you just finish reading all of that?” You asked, unlocking the tablet to see it was on the last page of your notepad.

“Yes. I’m sorry it took so long, there was a lot more to read through than I thought there’d be,” Connor answered. You could’ve sworn you heard the slightest hint of pride in his voice, but realized how impossible that was.

“I am curious to hear your theories on this case,” Connor went on as you put the tablet back into the drawer. “Would you mind telling me them?”

Your work notes were one thing you knew you had to share with Connor, but your own theories and speculation weren’t under Fowler’s jurisdiction. The last thing you wanted was someone to take your idea as their own, and have them get credited for it. It would be selfish to keep those private, you would admit, but the alternative didn’t seem fair to you.

“I can’t tell you here, in case anybody listens and reports me,” you explained. Though it was technically true that you also weren’t encouraged to speculate in the office, you doubted anybody would report you for doing so and so it wasn’t a big concern. “Plus, those notes are at home, and I can’t even remember every part to my theory at the moment.”

That was mainly a lie, but it would keep you from having to give up your thoughts. Besides, this android was sent from Cyberlife and could analyze anything it wanted to in a matter of seconds. He wouldn't’t really need your help or your guesses.

“Then I can meet you at your home,” Connor said with an air of finality. “When are you off?”

You blinked at Connor, unsure of how to respond. “Uhm,” you started, “well, 5, but it’s possible I may have to stay late…”

It should’ve dawned on you by then that Connor wouldn’t understand that you were hinting that it would be inconvenient to meet. Instead, he nodded and accepted your statement as a helpful suggestion.

“I will be sure to check if you have left the station before going over, then. Does Hank have your address?”

You nodded silently in response, feeling that it wasn’t worth it to try and make excuses to a determined android. Besides, there was always the chance that he would be too busy with Hank or the investigation to even drop by. Connor took that to be the end of the conversation, and left your desk. You turned back to your report, took a deep breath, and began typing once more.

#connor x reader #detroit: bh #detroit become human #detroit fanfic #connor x reader fanfic #flickerfanfic

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howtohero · 5 years

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Your Friend Has Come Back to Life

Or have they... Your friend -maybe they were a superhero, maybe they weren’t it doesn’t really matter- has died. (We’re very sorry for your loss.) You eulogized them (beautiful speech by the way, very moving) buried them (mmm I like the way you work that shovel), mourned them (again, very sorry for your loss. And for that shovel comment) and eventually you found peace. You found solace in the fact that they were in a better place. You’ve moved on until you too felt that you were in a better place, emotionally speaking. And then this joker strolls right back into the realm of the living like nothing even happened.

Yeah frikkin right.

There’s no way this poser is really your dead and buried friend. Right? It couldn’t be. They died. And sure, it’s notoriously difficult to keep a good hero down but that’s not something that really happens is it? That’s just a rumor. People fake their deaths sure, but actual resurrection? Come on. That’s poppycock. (Such poppycock, except for the fact that happens all the time.) Sure to other people. But this is clearly some type of ruse. Part of some insidious scheme to learn my secrets. (”My”?) Sorry, right your secrets. It’s part of an insidious scheme to learn your secrets, dear reader.

The best way to put an end to this scheme is to expose this imposter for what they really are... an imposter! (Gasp!) When somebody shows up pretending to be your dead friend you should immediately kidnap them and seal them away somewhere isolated. This way the cretin can’t use your dead friend’s memory to manipulate all of their friends and loved ones. Ideally you do it before they can present themselves to your late friend’s family. Once that happens you’re in trouble. This overjoyed and grateful family, who now believe that a miracle has occurred, is not just going to let you kidnap and imprison they’re resurrected family member. Unless their family is weak and you can like fight them. Then it’s not really a problem.

How! To! Fight! An! Entire! Family! And! Kidnap! Their! Allegedly Resurrected! Loved! One! (Oh yeah, we’re doing this.)

Let grandma know what happens when she harbors an alien shapeshifter/clone/charlatan. Sometimes you gotta beat up an entire family in order to save them from a supervillain masquerading as their dead relative. For the greater good. Don’t sweat the little things (they’re called children) they’re not going to pose a threat to you. Size up this family, who are the strong ones, who are the ones that are going to stand in the background and hurl piercing insults at you, who are the ones that honestly could not care less that this person came back to life? Once you’ve quickly categorized all of these relatives, you can fight them in the following order:

The elderly: They may seem frail and docile, and most of them are but science(?) shows that one in every four grandfathers has a pocket knife and knows how to use it. So on the off chance that this grandpa is armed or that this granny puts the “MMA” in gramma, you want them taken off the board as soon as superhumanly possible. And hey, if they aren’t armed they’ll be very easy to fight and you could use that kind of confident boost to propel you further in this quest.

Any mothers: Everybody knows that mothers get temporary bursts of superpowers when their offspring are in danger. Sure, technically, this isn’t their son that you’re kidnapping. It’s most likely some kind of bug alien in a skin suit. But mom doesn’t know that, and I don’t know enough about how those superpowers work to say whether or not it matters (But hey, if Mother’s Day for some reason falls on a Tuesday or Thursday this year, expect that to be what we talk about.)

The physically fit: If there is anybody there who looks strong you should fight them next.

The, contrary to all appearances, surprisingly fit: Watch out for these scrappy underdogs. They might look unfit, but secretly, they are very fit. Or at least, someone taught them how to punch a kidnapper in the throat. I’d wear a throat guard on this op.

Everybody else: The actually unfit, the cousin who’s into falconry, “Aunt” Marybeth who isn’t technically related but she’s been friends with mom since college and refuses to leave the house! These folks honestly might not be super invested in this thing, but you’d be wise to fight them anyway. Just in case.

Once you’ve handled the family, you can run off into the night with the poser who is claiming to be your best friend back from the dead. Now you need to interrogate them so you can determine what kind of imposter they are.

How! To! Interrogate! A Slimeball! Who! Is! Pretending! To! Be! Your! Pal! Who! Tragically! Died! (This is happening so get on board.)

There are many different kinds of imposters out there who would just love to fake a relationship with a superhero and have no moral qualms about stealing a dead person’s identity. (Kind of like how you have no moral qualms about beating up an entire family.) Are they just a lowlife shapeshifter who failed to do any basic research? Are they some kind of grifter who did some research but not enough because they can’t even remember that the two of you spent the night before their fifteenth birthday stargazing and mapping new constellations to make each other laugh!!!! Are they a hyper advanced android that actually can answer all of your questions flawlessly and doesn’t appear to be robotic in the slightest but THAT DOESN’T MEAN THEY’RE NOT AN IMPOSTER!!!!! So get your questions ready. Ask them about things only your real best friend would no. Try to get as hyper specific as possible. It’s probably wise to throw in a few questions that your best friend wouldn’t know the answer to, just to be safe. Make sure to heavily imply that torture is on the table so that they confess to their lies and their crimes faster.

Even if this punk is skillfully answering all of your questions, except for the one’s they can’t answer, which they are honest about. Even If they’re even offering up information about your friend that you didn’t even ask about. You can’t lose sight of what’s really going on here. This person is some kind of conman (or, probably, a conlizard, sent by the lizard mafia to kill you because of all of those outstanding loans) and you can’t be swayed by their cons! However, if you do find your resolve wavering, perhaps out of some foolish desire to believe that your best friend truly has returned from the dead, stay the course. Remember what’s at stake here. My (your) your secrets! Don’t worry, there are other ways of confirming that your friend really is dead.

How! To! Rob! Your! Dead! Best! Friend’s! Grave! (Yeah, we went there.)

The best way to determine whether or not your friend is really dead is to dig up their body and parade it around town. (Make sure to specifically parade it in front of their family so they forgive you beating them all up.) To start you’ll need to get a shovel. (Oh baby.) You’re giving off a weird energy today bud. (I could say the same to you.) Fair enough! Now, back to exhuming your friend’s corpse. The trick with digging up a body is, like all things, to just dig until you find what you’re looking for. Easy peasy. It’s like taking candy from a baby. If the candy was the dead body of your friend. And the baby was dirt.

If you dig and dig and dig only to find that the grave is empty. Or to find that the coffin is empty except for a note saying “Yo, how crazy? I came back to life! So rad so rad.” Well, then you wasted a lot of time digging for no reason. (I thoroughly enjoyed it though.) Hahaha you need to stop. (What can I say man, I dig a person who knows their way around a shovel.) All righty. Don’t get disheartened though, there could be any number of explanations for your dead friend’s empty grave. It does not necessarily mean that they came back to life. Perhaps some crook stole the body to sell the body parts on the blackmarket. This is especially likely if they were a superhuman. Superhuman body parts go for maaaad cash on the black market...

How! To! Make! Tons! Of! Money! Selling! Dead! Superhuman! Body! Parts! On! The Black Market!

No no. Just kidding. Just kidding. An empty grave could also mean that this fakester was very thorough, and hid the real body so that they could more easily slip into their identity without any questions. But you know better than that. You will not be easily so easily fooled. Which means you need to do the unthinkable. You need to turn to science to prove, once and for all, that this person claiming to be your friend come back to life is nothing but a no good liar.

How! To! Use! Science! To! Prove! Once and for all! That! This! Person! Claiming! To! Be! Your! Friend! Come! Back! To! Life! Is! Nothing! But! A! No! Good! Liar! (Oh, things are serious now.)

Bust out your lab coats and microscopes. We’re about to spit some science. Set up a makeshift laboratory in your basement or hideout or an actual science lab. Then, use that science, to prove things scientifically. (We have a mad scientist on staff you know, want me to call-) Dr. Brainwave! Yes! Great call! Get that rascal in here. I love that guy. (Uh, yeah. Sure thing.) <You called?> Yeah! How would you, a supervillainous mad scientist, prove, using your ungodly science, that someone who claimed to be your best friend back from the dead is nothing but a no good liar. <Oh, great question! Well first obviously you should kidnap and interrogate them.> We did all that, come on, skip to the science. <Ok ok. In order to prove that this person is or isn’t who they say they are you’re going to need a DNA sample. Now, technically all you’d really need is a hair or some spit or blood. But I always say better safe than sorry. The bigger the sample the more likely it is that we’ll get conclusive results, so just chop off an entire arm or leg. To be safe.> To be safe sure, sounds good to me. <Then you toss that leg into a DNA Confirmerjiggeryfloot and you should get the results almost instantaneously. Then when it turns out that this person pretending to be your best friend is a brilliant liar, you can kill him I guess.> Thanks Doc! Brilliant advice from our supervillain corespondent!

Now, on the off off off off chance that the DNA test comes back with results other than the ones you were hoping for and it turns out that, against all odds, this guy actually is your best friend. And they have come back from the dead. And you did kick the snot out of their entire extended family for literally no reason. Then it may be time for you to come clean with them. And have a candid conversation about the regrettable thing that happened after they, apparently temporarily, passed away.

How! To! Gently! Explain! To! Your! Recently! Resurrected! Best! Friend! That! You! Completely Accidentally I Might Add! Overwrote! Their! Fully! Completed! File! Of! Super! Duper! Fighty! Punchy! Boys! IV! (That’s Right Folks, This Just Got Real)

Yes, it’s true. After they died, you got their video game collection. It turns out they were really good at video games. They unlocked everything and beat every level and every boss in this apparently very hard to beat video game. They won some medal for it or something. You don’t know. You’re not super into video games. How were you supposed to know how big of a deal it was. So yeah, I guess you accidentally erased their saved filed and replaced it with your own. And sure, you’re not nearly as good as they were. You haven’t beaten any levels. You’re bad a video games. Probably you shouldn’t have tried their most prized video game first, but you were trying to connect to them after their passing. Is that so bad??? Is that such a crime??? Sure, maybe they didn’t technically leave their prized video games to you. But if stealing a person’s prized possessions from a grieving family is a crime, then I guess you’re just a criminal. Whoops! So now that they’re actually alive you have to explain to them that you basically erased their greatest achievement and most prized possession in one fell swoop. Because you are bad at things. Gosh this is going to be such an awkward conversation. And to think, if he had just stayed dead, you wouldn’t have to have it. [You can’t kill them.] Well, you’ve been awfully quiet this whole time. [I actually quit halfway through this post, but Brainwave called me and said you’d been acting really weird so I came back.] Glad to have you! I wasn’t even going to advocate killing them. You see, if either of you are dead, you can avoid this conversation. So....

How! To! Fake! Your! Death! To! Avoid! An! Awkward! Conversation! With! Your! Apparently! Actually! Resurrected! For! Real! Friend! (Go read our other posts!)

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looselucy · 6 years

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Forty Three - H

Harry’s point of view Flashback I was lost in my own thoughts as celebrations irrupted around me, the boys clinking their glasses together thanks to another win at The Brits. Usually I was the same, I always loved that event, it was one of my favourites because it was so close to home. But it was different, because I had seen her face.

I expected her to be there, but I had been silently praying I wouldn’t see her. When the Arctic Monkeys won the award for best video, the camera moved to her in a split-second, her gorgeous face lighting the giant screens by the side of the stage. She looked happy, which I both liked and hated. I loved how strong she was, the fact she had found a warmth and strength within herself to be that brave and put herself in the public eye again after everything that happened, was something I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. It’s hard to fall out of love with a girl like that. Of course I had watched the video. I had watched the video over and over again and then played it over and over again in my mind. It felt like that was my only link to her, that was the only way I could see her. There were nights where I couldn’t sleep so I would just play the video on my phone, the light from the screen the only thing lighting my miserable face, and I would just watch her. It never made me feel any better, it always just tended to give me a headache but I couldn’t help myself. It annoyed me how much the video spoke to me. I would see the men all desperate to touch her, trying to clamber onto the stage to grab her, but she was out of reach. That fucking spoke to me, that rang so much truth it burnt my eardrums and made my throat clench and I couldn’t stand it. I sipped despondently on my drink, rolling my eyes at the loud noises of the room. I really was not in the mood to be there, but I knew out of politeness it was best for me to stay. Not that I was being polite or enjoyable company in any way, I was just sat staring into nothing as it all went on around me. But I was pulled from that trance when I saw Zayn and Niall awkwardly talking to each other, whispering into each other’s ears and glancing over my shoulder, looking slightly worried as they did. I knew automatically it would be Anna, she would be sat behind me and they would be trying to avoid me turning to see her, which of course, meant I did, straight away. I then I realised exactly why they were being so awkward about it. Who the fuck is that boy touching her? Who the fuck is he? Is he going to kiss her? What the fuck? She has a boyfriend? Fuck. I’ll fucking kill him. Why is he touching her like that? Nobody gets to touch her like that. Move in any fucking closer and I swear to god... I quickly turned my head back around as I knew his lips met hers, completely unable to stand the sight of someone else touching her in the way that I once had the honour of doing. My heart was shuddering in my chest, and even though I had turned around to avoid seeing the kiss, it was all I could see. In my mind it was there, this firm image of her lips pressed against his. My fists were clenched, my nostrils flared, I could feel my head pulsing. Niall and Zayn looked so disheartened, they looked like they were absolutely gutted on my behalf, giving me annoying little head tilts and crooked smiles. I hated it. I threw some chewing gum into my mouth and rolled my shoulders. “I need a drink.” I grunted. The chair scraped the floor as I stood myself up, angrily storming over to the bar and trying my best not to rise to my dark feelings, wanting to control myself so I didn’t pounce towards the boy claiming her lips and knock him cold. I need to calm the fuck down. I reached the bar and swiftly ordered a strong one, but it didn’t take long until I found I was watching her. I just stood in the corner of the bar and watched her. The group of them all raised their glasses to the centre and shouted cheers, and she seemed so fucking happy. Selfishly, I hated that she seemed to be doing so well without me. She’s moving on. He moved his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek, and the anger I had been trying to get rid of just doubled in size. I had never felt anything like it, just watching him touch her and the fact she wasn’t flinching away from him. I had only ever seen her flinch from boys, she would always back away from their touches, like she did with that boy when we were in Paris. Why isn’t she moving away from him? It was like I could hear my own heart shattering as I watched them; it started in my chest and crackled up to my ear like glass splitting before it finally just broke and crashed into a thousand pieces on the floor around me. I began to question how she could have felt when she first saw a picture of me and Grace, the girl I had been set up with by management. Nice enough girl, but I had only given her the time of day in an attempt find a way of dealing with my own sadness, convincing myself I could move on and feel something for someone else. It was when I accidently called her Kate that I realised she wasn’t the change I needed. I was turning back into a boy I hated, a boy who was trapped within the black walls of his own fear but I just couldn’t fight it. I had no idea how else I could manage my own emotions. He was whispering to her skin, their lips dangerously close, my heart stammering in my chest. I wondered if she enjoyed the feeling of his breath hitting her in the same way she used to enjoy mine, and I hoped that somewhere in the back of her mind she was wishing it was me who was that close to her. I hoped that his breath wasn’t quite as warm, I hoped it bounced off her skin rather the melted into it. I just didn’t want him to affect her body at all. She kissed him then. I expected my blood to run hot, but the opposite occurred. I became cold, watching them embrace one another left me feeling so incredibly empty, I had nothing to give. I was suddenly this cold-hearted person, and I couldn’t fucking stand it. I watched her brush her tongue to his, and my mouth ran dry. I heard Alex woo from beside them, and hated the fact that they were obviously friends and Alex was happy about her new relationship. I wondered how Rachel felt about the boy. I knew my friends still wanted me to be with her, how did her friends feel about me? I breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled away from the kiss, I felt so grateful that I just didn’t have to witness that anymore. She spoke close to his lips, and I realised it wasn’t just the kiss that I couldn’t stand to watch, it was everything! I turned myself back around and swigged at my drink, cringing at the taste as it travelled down my throat. I slammed the glass back down to the bar and ran my hand through my hair, a cruel madness tracing me as I tried to forget everything I had just witnessed. A part of me hated her for it all. Then I was plunged deeper into my anger and loathing, when I heard her voice. “Can I have a whiskey and lemonade please? Thank you.” Don’t say anything to her Harry. You’ll fucking regret it. Walk away, just walk away. “So you haven’t changed.” I couldn’t resist, I think a part of my mind was just wanting to make her feel as low as I did, because once again I had found myself being incredibly selfish about the matter. I saw her face drop, looking down to the bar as she tried to control her breathing. I enjoyed that I still got a reaction from her. I tried to keep myself from yelling by chewing on my gum, looking her up and down as she slowly neared me. I could feel how awkward she was from the very beginning, and I knew that I was so fucking angry and heartbroken I wasn’t going to help the matter. “Hi.” She whispered. Her voice was beautifully fragile, and the fact I was remembering that I was attracted to each aspect of her was beginning to grind on me and anger me even more. I hated how negative I felt, how much just being around her was suddenly digging into me and making sick to the stomach. I hate myself. I hate her. I hate this. “How are you?” She asked me. “What do you care?” What does she care? She’s with someone else. Why am I snapping at her? Jealousy. “Wh-what?” I was hurting her, I could tell I was, and my heart was begging me to stop, it was calling up to me and telling me that I should hold her. Maybe it would be the best I could get, just to wrap my arms around her for a split second and feel some kind of closeness with her again, as much as I possibly could. But instead my anger was speaking for itself, and I was acting like a total prick. The man who had poured her drink passed it to her across the bar, clearly eyeing her up in the process which added flames to my rage even more so. She was eager to get away from me, she practically threw her money across the bar, telling him to keep his change as she attempted to escape my company, but I needed her to know in some way that I still cared for her, that I didn’t want to see her with anybody else. I had no idea what was going on in my head. She tried to walk away, but I had to bring her back to me. Any time in her company was better than having nothing from her again. “Say hi to your boyfriend.” I said unenthusiastically. She stopped dead in her tracks, and I couldn’t help but question what the fuck was coming over me. I had always been ridiculously protective of her, and I knew that was going to remain even when we weren’t together, and that was one of the reasons I was having such a difficult time coming to terms with the fact she was no longer mine, she was someone else’s to hold. But why did I feel the need to be so fucking awful to her? She turned around and stormed up to me, that powerful girl I loved so much fighting me and my actions, which kind of spurred me on, because I loved seeing the fiery girl who had captured me when every other girl failed to. “Excuse me?” She scowled. I pushed from the bar and looked down to her, trying my best to act as though I didn’t care at all when really it was taking all my might not to force my lips to hers. I love you. I whispered the three words in my mind over and over again as the angry girl stood looking up to me like I was the foulest creature on earth. But at least she was looking at me. “Is that why you’re acting like a cunt?” Her voice raised. “Nah. He seems like a nice guy. Just send my love to him.” I spat sarcasm. “What the fuck is your problem? You have a girlfriend!” I actually found it quite amusing that she had completely looked past everything she knew about me and our management and she genuinely thought I had feelings for Grace. I just started laughing in her face, kind of shocked she really did think I had feelings for someone other than her. “Y’know what, Harry, I actually thought you were going to be decent. Nice to see you’ve turned into a total arse-hole since the last time I saw you.” “Nice to see my current girlfriend is a lot better than my ex.” What the fuck did I just say? She turned and stormed away from me. Before she could see my face drop and tears fill my eyes, she was long gone, moving away from everyone and going to a section of the building I hadn’t explored. I stood there with my heart in the pit of my stomach, so full of hatred for myself. I think that was the moment I realised it was exactly like my days with Kate, I was so scared and alone that it was changing me, it was affecting me, and I was becoming the worst possible version of myself. This was a side of me even my closest friends despised, and he was back. I could feel something tear at my chest as I began to run in the opposite direction Anna had, pushing past people and going to the closest door I could find, pushing myself inside and slamming it shut behind me. I found myself in a small closet type room, my back pressed against the shelves and my heart on my chest as I panted, the first tear slipping from my eye as I took in what had just happened, what I had said to the girl I was once helped fix, now I was breaking her. Just seconds after I turned the lock on the door, I heard someone try to get in, a man outside telling me I shouldn’t be in there. But I didn’t know what to do with myself, I was just a shivering mess as my back slipped down and I ended up on the floor, knees tucked up to my chest and body aching as I sobbed to myself, the man outside banging on the door as trying to force himself inside. And I just sat there and cried to myself. Because I missed her. Because I still loved her. Because I had hurt her. And because I was no longer myself.

#first update of tonight #I'm going out for food so will be back later for the next update #would love to hear your thoughts on this one between #THANKS GUYS #AMG43 #1DFF

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theory-talestelltalesss · 6 years

Text

∙ Parallel Hearts 1 ∙

Idea:

AU where Taehyung is a former street artist who sells Van Gogh imitations in Paris that gets him in trouble.

Description:

Her is a docile perfectionist art student who is unsatisfied with the course of her life. She meets Taehyung, a beautiful and free-spirited boy who sells Van Gogh imitations to pay his tuition for art school. They have something that the other lack. Her needs Taehyung’s creativity and Taehyung needs Her’s painting skills in order for them to produce great paintings. Her is the better painter but Taehyung is the better artist. One day, they wake up and the other is nowhere to be found. Both of their pursuit is to use their paintings as clues to find where the other is. Along the way, they learn more about each other and uncover a dark past.

You can read more details of the fic HERE if this is your first time. Or you can just read it and be surprised! Enjoy!

- TT 🌹

Chapters: | 1 | 2 | - (Fanfic in progress)

CHAPTER 1: THE MEETING

(6.9K words)

Her lived in the same town as Van Gogh when he was alive and where he was most inspired. It was a quaint little town in Arles, France. She grew up passing by the same places that he saw and painted. Although Her idolized him, it bothers her that she can never be as close to a painter as he was, no matter how hard she tries.

“Doesn’t this look weird? The color scheme? The textures? I don’t know what it is but it doesn’t look right!” Her complains every time she tries to create her own style inspired by Van Gogh.

Whilst Her is tremendously knowledgable about Van Gogh’s techniques, she can never break her style of being realistic whenever she paints. She never had the opportunity, no, the capability to fully release herself in her works. She always had the tendency to draw things as they are and never let her imagination run wild. The more she tried to be imaginative, the more realistic her paintings got. She can never steer away from it, and being a perfectionist never helped her either. In fact, it only made it worse.

It was not even just the paintings that bothered her that she couldn’t follow. She also couldn’t follow the life he lived. Of course she doesn’t want to starve and be a vagabond with a mental illness, but Van Gogh’s life was full of events, both good and bad, that she rationalizes eventually manifested in his beautiful paintings.

“I would rather die of passion than of boredom - Vincent Van Gogh,” Her reads in her book as she swipes the letters with endearment.

Although her parents see her talent as a gift from grace and supports her to hone it, they have different plans on what she should do with it. Her’s family owns a furniture store called by their last name– ‘Le Lune.’ Beds, lamps, cribs, tables, dressers, decorations– they sell everything. The dream was to expand and build more stores in other cities. However, most of the designs of the furnitures lost its appeal as the trend changed over time. Eventually, the business started declining.

When Her moved to Paris 7 hours away from home to go to college, the plan was that she would design the furniture after graduation. She knew what her future looked like. She has to redesign almost everything and help out with the family business. Perhaps even hand-paint or hand-craft some parts of the furniture to create a niche for the family brand name. A personal consultation for corporation interiors was also another idea if the business ever gets successful enough.

This plan frustrated Her because her passion is not in Interior Design – it was in Fine Arts, just like Van Gogh. As she is docile, timid, and filial, and who has deep respect for her parents and the family business, Her yields to their wishes for the betterment of the family. Plus, a job after graduation never hurt anybody.

What am I going to do with a Fine Arts degree if I can’t feed myself?

Café Terrace at Night in Arles, France by Vincent Van Gogh (1888).

The grass smells freshly cut with drops of water clinging onto its edges. The sculptures of flirtatious cherubs run across the field. The different colored flowers dance along the periphery of the bushes, neatly assembled at the curbs of the pathways, welcoming spring delightfully.

Although the atmosphere of the outside world is full of life, Her’s inner mind is in a grim state. She goes to a place outside of school whenever she feels exasperated or disheartened about her life and that place is the Panthéon. The Panthéon is a museum, or even precisely, a mausoleum for people who were the most notable citizens of France. Some of the people buried there were people of the arts she also adores.

It was the closest place from school where she can get inspired. Whenever she sees Victor Hugo’s name on the wall, she smiles, remembering his lovely works of The Hunchback of Notre Dame, or of Les Miserables, which are now made into films and musicals. Whenever she sees Saint-Exupéry‘s name, she wonders how his simple ninety-page work of The Little Prince resonated within so many hearts around the world.

In every corner of the Panthéon, there is something to lift her spirits. Every corner except one. As of the moment, Her is not in the mood to be cheered up, but she’s in one of those moods to make some kind of catharsis – and staring at the Foucault pendulum does just that.

With a heavy heart, she walks over to the giant pendulum that hangs within the massive arches, centered in one of the intrados of the Panthéon. An awe-inspiring mural of the celestial sky and of the divine surround the wire that holds it afloat in the ceiling. A ray of the gloomy twilight falls down at it meters below to softly give it a subliminal spotlight, and convey it as one of the staple objects in the museum.

“…the Foucault pendulum is a simple device named after French physicist Léon Foucault and conceived as an experiment to demonstrate the Earth’s rotation. The pendulum was introduced in 1851. Today…” the tour guide says to a small crowd of foreigners.

Ever since she knew what this pendulum was for, she cringes. Not because of its function, but because it’s a sad reminder of herself.

Like the pendulum’s sway and its momentum in the air, Her’s life is already meticulously calculated as it swings along the numbers of the dial. With each dip at the bottom is her journey towards a goal until it reaches the peak of its momentum, and then it starts again. Her life has become routine and mundane from day to day since the start of college. She knows exactly where she will end up, she know exactly when, and fleeting from plans are just interpreted as irresponsible.

“My perfect parents would be disappointed in their “perfect” daughter,” she whispers to herself. “Why does it have to be like this? Why can’t I just go off and lead lives like…like Victor Hugo, where I can go to Belgium in a whim, or…or Saint-Exupéry, and fly off to some island, or Van Gogh and go to 20 cities if I want?”

After some time internalizing but despising this sad fact about the course of her life, she opposes the thoughts intoxicating her mind and stop moving her eyes with the pendulum, closing them for a moment to give herself a relief of thought. She lets go of the circular railing she didn’t even realize she was gripping until her palms turned ivory.

As she opens her eyes again, the pendulum peeks at the periphery of her field of view but her eyes chose to focus on something else…or someone else.

Her sight lands on a boy on the other side who is inside the railings of the pendulum, kneeling on one knee as he watches the pendulum with a curious concern. If her eyes are not enough resisting her will to steer them away, her ears decide to do it as well when they somewhat malfunction in transducing signals of the crowd of tourists leaving the area.

She thought for a moment that he was part of the marble statues of the historic rulers behind him. But as she stares longer…no, he is breathing and human.

The low glow of the light from above teases a hint of the hills of his handsome features. His light jade eyes that follow the pendulum obediently are striking and almost menacing. His dark ashy blonde hair is rugged and out of place under a newsboy hat with unruly bangs trying to stretch down his forehead and neck. The ends land comfortably past his commanding eyebrows and flirts at his nape, almost past its crook. A turtleneck coats his neck layered with a button-up that flows down his body, presenting him with a disheveled look.

Her finds herself captivated that she forgets to be curious as to why he’s inside the railings guarding the pendulum, or why he looks worried, or why he holds the railing with a hand that looks like it’s streaked with paint and the other props him on the floor as he kneels down.

H-He’s so beautiful.

Her finds herself captivated, for he didn’t have the beauty that celebrities on TV or models in magazines possessed. He has the kind of beauty that reminisces of an old soul. The kind of beauty that stands the test of time…timeless– like an old painting people would want to preserve for years, decades, centuries, or even forever. Not a carve of the statues or stroke of paint in the museum, even made with impeccable skill and control, do not have the force to distract her from his coincidental beauty.

She then realizes that looking at him for too long beyond abuses normal courtesy and she should look away before he notices. However, she can’t seem to take his eyes off him. As she continues to stare, he seems to feel her eyes on him, and shifts his eyes to meet hers. Her blood rushes to her head, defying gravity, resisting to flow anywhere else in her body.

She tries to follow the pendulum again with her eyes, but they resist her. As if acknowledging her constant desire to look at him, he smiles at her, erasing the worried expression he had for a moment. As if playing peek-a-boo, the pendulum covers him for half a second, and reveals him again, only becoming more beautiful with each sway. She feels a fleeting wave of euphoria before–

SNAP! BOOM! “Mon dieu!”

The ball of the pendulum hits the ground with an echoing boom, disturbing the serenity, rolling off of the marbled floor, and trailing the wire that held it. Her abruptly wakes up from the spell and covers her mouth in disbelief that the Foucault pendulum, which has been swaying for years, just snapped from above. As an advocate for the arts and museums, she knows the gravity of the situation.

She looks back at where the boy was but he was nowhere to be found. A guard picks the ball up and checks it for any indentations or damages. Since it’s almost closing time, the museum is left with only a few visitors, and only a few more who are near the pendulum’s vicinity. The guard directs them away and commands them to give the area some space. Forced, the visitors, including Her, start drifting to other corners of the museum.

She walks without direction, only following the direction of a couple of people scattering from the area. Out of nowhere, she feels a tug on her long-sleeve, hurling her to face someone’s body.

“Whoa-”

She looks up and see the beautiful boy so close that she can almost see the branches of his light jade orbs. She notices more up close that his clothes and patches of his skin were tainted with random splotches and streaks of paint. He turns his head to the side and observes another piece of art she didn’t even notice was right in front of them.

“What a weird incident right?” he says in the direction of the mural. His voice is surprisingly baritone low and velvety that she feels it resonate her vessels.

She manages to voice out, “yeah…must have been an accident.”

“Some guy is proooobably in big trouble,” he chuckles.

“I mean…that pendulum has been swinging since it’s been here,”

“Not really, just since 1902. It’s been going back and forth between here and an art museum near here. You won’t even know which one is the copy anymore,”

“H-How do you know that?”

He looks at Her with a cheeky half-smile.

“I just read the sign that was behind you…when you were staring at me too much,” he shifts his head back to the mural, “Yeah, I’m aware I’m good looking,” he gives her a glint of his lip curved at one side.

So this is his personality.

For some reason, she feels anxious that this boy will soon get her first impression and she tries to find what to say to try to distract him from her impolite behavior. She also doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of hearing a compliment after that statement.

“I-IIII notice you have paint on your hands. Do you paint?”

“Yeah, I painted this piece right in front of us,” he gestures complacently with a smile from ear to ear.

“What?” she looks at it again confused, “But this is Puvis de Chavannes’.” Being here at the Panthéon many times, Her’s come to know each and every piece.

“Ah, so you’re a lover of the arts too,” he says with a smirk as if she doesn’t look it. She feels this boy trying to toy with her and in her own safe haven nonetheless. She can’t help but feel a little violated by this new character in her domain, all of a sudden collecting pieces of her as if he’s a scientist gathering data.

He continues, “So what’s your favorite type of art?”

“I like…Impressionism and Post-Impressionism, why?”

“Ah…so you’re one of those…I’m guessing you like Van Gogh and all those other lunatics,”

“Excus–”

“Shh!”

He holds his finger over her lips and looks at the guards. Her figures the boy doesn’t have any concept of personal space demonstrated by his sudden behavior. He seems pleased with himself earning an aggravated reaction from her, as if trying to tug her from the confines of her usual docile and timid personality. His expression impish as he nods his head up and whispers,

“Be quiet and follow me.”

He takes her hand and dashes across the humongous platform, flying by histories of sculptures of French leaders, skidding on the intricate designs of the ivory marble floors, and passing by grand murals of glorious heroes and angels. She almost can’t keep up with the strides of his infinitely long legs with her shorter ones.

They go from pillar to pillar under the dome architecture of the museum, eventually reaching a dark opening framed with geometric details that uncovers a dark spiral staircase below. He lets go of her hand and goes down the stairs with ease as she pauses to think about going down.

“Come on, slow poke!” his voice vibrates the cold marble walls and she sees him smile like a child while looking above at her through the clefts of the stairs.

“Where are you taking me?” she tries to ask but is only replied with more of his steps. She tries to process her situation before she goes down.

Why should I follow this boy?

Even though she’s acknowledged he’s a little outlandish, there’s something interesting about him that draws her in and her curiosity grows with each ticking second. She goes down with prudent steps and catches up to him.

“Come on, haha,” he gestures to a small crevice.

How does this boy know where these are?

The boy moves with too much familiarity as if this is his home. Her realizes her ignorance claiming this museum to be her sanctuary, when in fact, there’s someone else far more acquainted to it than she is.

Eventually, they end up in the crypt, which is filtered with gloomy yellow lights, giving it an eerie vibe appropriate for its type of place. In the crypt lies some of the most notable French people who’ve contributed to the world such as Voltaire, Rousseau, Victor Hugo, Marie and Pierre Curie, and many more. Tourists are now nowhere to be found.

Coming to a halt in front of a dull door, he rustles his pocket around and pulls out some old-looking keys. Her’s eyes widen in shock.

“You work here?”

“Shh!” reminding her of what she should be doing. “You know, those powerful dead people are just over there. You don’t want to disturb their rest do you?” he jokes.

Her can’t help but notice that he seems to detect her unfaltering reverence for the place. Again, he gives her that smirk while he turns the key in its hole and her heart flutters in response. One more smirk, she thinks, and it might be ingrained into her memory forever.

He opens the door and inside are slews of paintings of Van Gogh. She becomes filled with joy when she sees them but it was only fleeting. As a lover of his works, she sees that they’re not authentic as soon as she scrutinizes the strokes. She also notices some are just patches of paint waiting to be filled with The Starry Night, or The Sunflowers, or The Night Café which made her nostalgic about the time she used to pass by the cafe in the painting every time she walked home from school back at in Arles.

The Night Café by Vincent Van Gogh (Year 1888).

She looks around and there are a couple of carts that lay askew in random spaces in the room that’s filled with different-sized brushes, half-empty tubes of oil paint, too-many-to-count paper towels, and various-shaped painting knives. The boy looks like this room just gave birth to him, all covered in paint like his mother.

“You can tell, huh?“ he scratches the back of his head and gives me a wink. Her’s body is churning with adrenaline at the moment, with her heart trying to calm down from running, and that unexpected wink pushes her heart above its threshold, forcing it to somersault. She nervously ignores it and tries to speak confidently.

“I can tell they’re not real. Figured since this is not their home. But why do you have fake Van Gogh’s everywhere?”

“Well, I made these,” he crosses his arms as he bites his bottom lip and looks around the room. “I sell them to people as imitations…some people are more gullible than others though,” he chuckles to himself and sighs, looking like he’s recalling a mischievous memory.

So, he’s a witty con artist.

“That’s a little sly, don’t you think?” she squints, trying to understand why a sly playful boy would be trusted with keeping a museum that require gentle care. It bothers her also since all Her’s life, she’s been an upstanding person, always following the rules.

“I’m a student at the art university here. I work here as a keeper and paint when I got time. The Panthéon can get exceptionally boring you know, so I found a way to make some extra bucks from dead time! Gotta pay that overpriced tuition, am I right?”

“…you don’t mean PCA, do you?” I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Of course PCA! Where else?” he chuckles. “Because…I study at PCA,” he looks at me with wide eyes. PCA, short for Paris College of Art – my art school. “Didn’t know we go to the same college.”

“All the more to trust you!! Now, since you’re an expert in these, why don’t you tell me what’s wrong with these paintings, eh?”

“No, I’m not gonna help you do your evil deeds. Plus…” She looks at her watch, “I need to go home by 7:30 and catch the next bus to campus,”

“What about I show you a shortcut out, huh?” he takes out his keys and jiggles it in the air. “I know a way that will lead right to the bus stop! And you don’t have to see it that way. I’m interested to know some of Van Gogh’s techniques too! Take it like you’re lecturing me huh?…for educational purposes,” he raises both his eyebrows and looks at her with a comically coy face.

He has a way with words, I’ll give him that.

She looks around and points out his obvious flaws that she automatically sees. She eventually settles on a painting she sees the most mistakes in, The Red Vineyard. She remembers how she used to visit her first crush by the river when she was nine, Jungkook. He taught her how to skip rocks on the water and she taught him how to catch grasshoppers. Jungkook now works at a winery in another part of Paris that's being supplied by the vineyard back in their hometown.

The Red Vineyard by Vincent Van Gogh (Year 1888).

“You know, I lived here.”

“Lived where?”

“Arles. Where this painting was made. I used to play around by this river here,” she traces the curved shape of the river on the right side, painted with stubby but glistening yellow and blue shades. “Well my family, to be exact. Of course I live in the dorms now, but I go home on the holidays.”

“Interesting! It’s like you see the world in his eyes!”

“Hah-I guess,” Her timidly says as she’s reminded that even though they’ve lived in the same city, she will never be as half of a good a painter as him. Her then starts to converse about how to make the painting better.

“Well for these,” she takes the paint brush in her hand, “you have to take burnt umber with some carmine yellow, and mix them slightly on the actual canvas and not on your palette,”

She feels him get close to her face as they stare at an area of the painting together. As she continues to speak and demonstrate, she senses a small whiff of his saccharine scent and his shoulder softly touches hers while he eagerly observes her hand move in close proximity. She’s reminded of his nonexistent concept of personal space once more.

Her and the boy talk for a time about the process of how Van Gogh creates his pieces and she advise him of his techniques. She’s not sure where the conversation turned but he actually started teaching her some things.

“Well, can’t you wash first before you paint over it so it’s not noticeable? It would save a lot of time. Plus, you don’t even have to use oil paint, just use acrylic so it dries faster until it hardens so you get a good texture…”

She’s taken aback by his innovative ideas on using materials non-traditionally. In her time attending art school so far, even art class in high school back home, she has never heard of the peculiar techniques the boy talks about. Her curiosity piques how he’s acquired his knowledge. In addition to talking about paintings, the boy doesn’t think twice dismissing what he thinks are relatively preposterous ideas of their mutual professors that they forcibly instill on their students. Her finds it amusing and it makes her laugh the way he describes them.

Ever since Her was a little girl, she’s had the habit of inspecting things in great detail, preserving it in her memories as best as she can to draw it at a later time. She observes how the saturation of colors change on a surface of a bubble, or how the ears of people lose its opacity and become pinker when the sun hits it from behind. At this moment though, what she want to draw the most is the scene that is presented right in front of her— him. She even thinks that maybe one day, her paintings of people will be as good as how Renoir famously paints his if she uses his features as inspiration.

Luncheon Of The Boating Party by Renoir (Year 1880-1881).

“Professor Jacques? Pfffttt- More like Professor Color-Within-The-Lines!” he laughs.

She responds to the boy, giving him her ears at times, but she more or less lets him talk as she looks at him to try and memorize his face.

His eyes glisten as he speaks– so much engagement in them. However, the life in his eyes are almost… overshadowed by their tiger-like personality. So focused and striking in between his long lashes. His eyebrows are sharp and fierce. His nose is straight and tall. And its placement between his eyes? Really proportionate. His lips are…what’s this oil paint color?…like Permanent Rose? mixed with a little Cobalt Violet to make it almost cherry-like. They’re shaped peculiarly though…that it really lets him easily have this scowled look. Maybe it’s because the top is more plump than the bottom…His complexion is flawless- luminescent, you’d probably need a hint of Pale Cadmium Yellow- and…what? N-No trace of blemish..hold on, there is a scar by his right lip, but it really only adds character to his looks. Still….actresses must be endlessly envious of his skin. His- Wait…how long has it been?

“Oh my I’m going to miss the bus!” she exclaims as she catches a glimpse of her watch.

Out of nowhere, she hears a man with a croaky voice coming closer to the room.

“Taehyuuuung? Taehyuuung? Where are you boy?”

The foot steps come closer and the boy jolts up from his seat, taking Her’s elbow in his hand quickly.

“Shit, Monsieur Cosmo…” he curses under his breath. “Shhhhh! Come on!” he whispers sharply.

“What’s happening?”

“That’s my boss sweet pea! We have to get out of here! C'mon, you turtle! Run!” he sharply whispers back.

He takes Her’s hand to exit, closes the door, and turns off the lights as quietly as he could. Then they run quietly through the darkly lit halls, past multiple epitaphs and tombs of the buried. Her has no choice but to rely on him on where to turn through the mazes of the museum and he becomes her sight. He looks behind her and flashes a big peculiar boxy smile that Her never spotted when she was observing his face. Her mood at the moment is a hard contrast to when she was looking at the pendulum. Her lips curve up slightly and she quickens her pace as she tries to match his.

He’s definitely an exciting one.

All of a sudden, the boy stops in his tracks and looks around the perimeter, “YYYYoouu might have to catch the next bus,” his voice drags out.

“What?!”

Her’s perfectionist side overrides and she tries to explain the bus system, her responsibilities, her homework, and her schedule the next day that would all have to be rewritten if she misses this bus. However, he does not put his finger on her lips this time but he covers her whole mouth instead, trying to keep her silent.

“Ok, ok, here’s what it is, babe. There are guards everywhere and I can’t be seen, ok? And I know you don’t know how to get to the shortcut to the outside so you’re going to have to stick with me if you want to get there. Hidden. Got it?” Annoyed by the situation, Her yields inevitably.

Her and the boy run and hide from the guards, tiptoeing as best as they can until the guards lock the doors behind them. They wait in the dark a few times until the coast is clear and moving becomes safe again. There were a few times Her made a mistake, catching the attention of some guards, but the boy protects their every movement; tugging her away if a guard comes too close, or slightly pushing her into crevices behind some pillars or statues.

At times, they try to fit themselves in small spaces and he tries to hold her as close as he could to prevent their shadows from being seen. She tries not to think about the skin contact since she doesn’t know what it would do to her judgment that she most certainly needs intact right now.

Shoot, 7:30. I missed it.

“Well! I missed the bus. Thank you but there’s no point in sticking with you now. The guards don’t know who I am, so…I’ll just walk out the front door. Nice to meet you though,” she stands up from kneeling down and pivots her heels to walk away, but the boy catches her wrist.

“Can you be quiet?? And yeah you still need me, honey. Can’t you see? We’re locked in,” he reaches into his pocket and shows off his keys, “I’d give them to you but you don’t work here, do you?” he smirks.

With slight irritation from missing the bus and from Her’s clouded mind of thinking about rewriting her schedule in her mind, she completely forgets this fact.

“Now, stick to me,” he grabs her and embraces her behind the statue of Marianne and the soldiers, then again behind the miniature architecture plan of the Pantheon.

“I said stick to me…now,” the boy must have felt that she was trying to preserve some space in between their bodies. They become startled as a guard walks only a feet away from them and she can’t help but follow his orders.

In half a second, she places her feet in between his stance and presses her body against his. Her arms fold against his chest and her head burrows in it to flil the space. His arm encircles her waist and his hand clasps the back of her head as she feels a slight force to encourage her to press closer. After a second of monitoring the guard, he moves their bodies ever so slightly away from the guard’s movements and squinting gazes. She feels him hold his breath and she mimicked his movements. In the silence, she feels and hears his heart race like a horse from the suspense.

Geez, it must be around 120 beats per minute.

While stupefied in place, she realizes he’s strangely stealthy that it makes her curious to the point of concern how he’s very good at it. The lights then turn off and they hold their position for a few more seconds.

“This is terribly intimate for a first meeting, you know, especially in the dark,” she whispers with a tone as they wait until the rustling of movements stop.

“What? Do you want a kiss too?” he says sarcastically.

“I don’t kiss people I don’t know,”

“I do,”

“Stop joking around,”

“What? We’re in France. Ever heard of a French kiss?”

She ignores his comment as she checks her watch, wishing the hands would turn counter-clockwise.

Eventually, they reach a door and the boy opens them with his keys. Without a knowledge of what might be on the other side, he exposes the night with the lovely moon and the bustling faint sounds of the city outside. A hush of the spring-born wind brushes her skin as if to say hello, wanting her to acknowledge its presence. She turns and sees the bus stop just around the corner.

“The next bus will come in 30 minutes, don’t worry,” the boy assures.

He pants to calm his heart, lays down on the cold grass, closes his eyes, and concentrates on trying to catch his breath. His newsboy hat topples from his head and his long hair falls delicately on his forehead and around his face. Her can’t help but admire how the moonlight touches his features as she slowly sits down next to his body, also concentrating on slowing down her respirations. He peeks through his closed lid and closes them again.

“You know, you’re doing it again,” he says between breaths. “Oh sorry…”

“It’s not polite to stare you know. Even more so that I don’t know your name,” “Oh…my name is Her, Her Lune, you?”

“Well, if you haven’t figured from my boss shouting it out, my name is Taehyung. Taehyung Soleil,” he smiles with eyes closed.

After a moment of huffing, he sits beside her and picks on the helpless grass.

“I guess this is my way of timing out of work,” he naughtily chuckles under his breath, “I bet that old fart was going to make me take care of that pendulum that just fell. It was actually my fault it fell but…I can’t be bothered right now. It’s almost the end of work anyways,” he rationalizes.

“You did that?! That’s why you were running from the guards?!”

“I-IIIIII didn’t mean to ok? Heh…I’m supposed to check the clicker that lets the pendulum go back and forth without losing its energy but…one thing led to another and it snapped from the hinge. I’ll understand if he yells at me the next time I go to work,” he rubs his neck. Her's skepticism and first impression just became validated.

As they wait for the next bus, he then looks at the moon with endearing eyes. Her doesn’t realize it but she looks at him again, taking advantage of his ethereal beauty under a different kind of light. To her, his side profile looks as if all the Old Masters like Leonardo and Boticelli, who tried to capture beauty in Mona Lisa and Venus, had the wrong notion of beauty– that what she’s looking at right now, is true beauty.

Mona Lisa, who?

The Birth of Venus by Sandro Boticelli (Year 1484–1486).

“Her.” his deep voice stern and low. “One more stare and I might have to do something about it,” he bites his lower lip and furrows his eyebrows. She nervously tries to land her eyes somewhere acceptable but she only finds it to follow his gaze at the moon.

“So why do you like that whacko Van Gogh? I only paint his paintings because they sell,” he scoffs while he leans back, propping his posture with his arms. Her is unsure how to feel about his sentence. He’s dissing her idol painter but at the same, she’s glad he acknowledges that other people like his works. Plus, she’s amused by his rhyming nickname.

“Well, mostly because I can’t paint like him,” she discloses. “I know how he painted his works, I’ve studied it many times and if I have to do an imitation like you, I think I’ll do well. I just- but I can’t seem to make my own paintings like his. He uses such saturated colors and his strokes are unplanned but he somehow is able to take his decisions and pull it off in the end like it was planned in the first place. When I try to do it, it doesn't look as good or as professional as his,”

“So he’s a good bullshitter is what you’re saying,” he taunts and laughs. She gives him a generous glare. He annoys her but she can’t put a finger what it is about him that makes her not be put off. She guesses it’s his brutal honesty. It’s refreshing.

She continues, “Being in art school…yeah it’s great they give you a lot of techniques to capture perspective and blah blah blah…but what they can never teach you is how to be creative. And I can’t help but take those techniques too seriously…” she sighs heavily, “My paintings always come out unremarkable- bleak- but oh, professor gives me A’s!” she said with sarcasm as she lays in defeat and stares at the moon.

Her finds herself disclosing personal things about herself to this boy she just met that she wonders if she really is that unsatisfied with her life. With her timidity, she only tells her closes friends things as insecure as these.

“IIII don’t know Van Gogh as much as you…but I learned a thing or two about him in the time I’ve been imitating his works. He said ‘I put my heart and my soul into my work, and have lost my mind in the process,’” he looks into her eyes after his words reaches her ears as his hair catches the breeze of the night.

Her becomes stunned at his words. He’s never met anyone who knows something about Van Gogh’s life other than the usual trivia. How he’s able to recite a quote by him leaves her astounded and curious.

“T-That’s right,”

“Well, of course, hahaha…I love that quote ‘cuz it’s sooo funny. You know he really did lose his mind and him saying that just makes me think wow, he’s got some sense of humor,” he chuckles slightly in ironic admiration, “But you know, that’s not the point…the point is maybe you think too much and it restricts you from really giving yourself to your works. You’re supposed to project your feelings into your art, not your mind like what others think. We’re artists, Her. Our job is to convey emotions.”

“Wh-Ye-I guess,” Her’s never heard someone talk about philosophy about art before. She’s talked about life as an art student, but never about life as an artist.

“We’re supposed to give the audience what we want them to feel, not what we want them to think. Take the most famous painting in the world for example. The Mona Lisa. There’s so many things Leonardo did right in that one, but why is it so famous? It’s not because it’s painted perfectly. It’s because of that smile. It gives people an eerie feeling. It connects with you because it’s so…eughk damn eerie,” he shrugs. “Never really liked looking at that one.”

Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci (Year 1503–06).

“That’s really a new way of looking at things I suppose...”.

“Well have you ever just done something out of a whim? Like…you just do it ‘cuz it felt right at the moment?”

“I-I…not really…no…” she sighs, “I like to…plan things out. It’s how I grew up to be,”

“I guess now you know where the problem is…” he says as he looks back at the moon. “Your paintings are really just an extension of yourself. In a way, they’re you. If you say your paintings are unremarkable and bleak, then that’s probably how you are…unless there’s something in you that wants to change,”

Her is taken too aback by his response to the point that she’s at lost for words. No one’s ever really said it out loud before, not even her. His words are like a dagger to her heart but she can’t seem to reply or defend herself because deep inside her, she knows they’re utterly true. All she is able to reply back is a mixture of a frustrated groan and a sigh as she puts her arm on her forehead.

“Heh, now I see why you kept coming here just to stare at that boring pendulum all the time, looking all frustrated” he looks at the moon intently and she looks at him with wide eyes. “You’re like one of those people who cry and stare at the mirror when they do,” he chuckles.

“You know I come here often?”

“Yeah, I work here, Her. Of course I’ll remember my frequent flyers, especially the cute ones,” again he smirks at her. Well, now she thinks it’s ingrained in her mind forever. But then again, she notices he has a way of making her have mixed feelings about his words.

He just made fun of her self-pitying tendencies, but reveals I’ve caught his eye? Who is this guy?! It’s as if he wants be nice but his innate mischievous nature gets in the way.

“Don’t worry, we all have hard times,” he looks at the moon as if he’s time traveling decades through his eyes, perhaps recalling a serious time in his life. Feeling slightly comforted, Her reflects on his words for a time while she leave him in his memory.

Yeah, I guess my self-pitying tendencies are a little funny, ha.

Eventually, she finds herself looking at the underside of Taehyung’s jaw and even his nostrils from her position below as he loses his presence reminiscing. She observes the moonlight hit his face at an angle from below. She follows the trace of light with her eyes, trying to consolidate it in her memory. However, it was too late to retract her eyes before Taehyung looks back at her and rolls his eyes annoyed.

“Thaat’s it- You’re staring again. That’s more than three strikes I believe,” he slaps his hand on the grass by her head and hovers over her.

He replaces her view of the moon with his face, which is now only inches from hers. If the grass was someone’s skin, their skin would be indented with a big red mark from how much Her’s pressing against it to distance herself from the tip of his nose. His long hair falls down in her direction, framing the outline of her head. However, what is very astonishing and a little frightening is the big change in his expression. He looked like an angel from the moment she saw him, but now, he looks like the devil himself.

“Here. Take a good look!” he says sternly and angrily. His striking eyes pierce at her with eyebrows furrowed, only becoming scarier as she sees his pupils dilate and his nose flare. His jaw clenches and cuts the moonlight’s trace she was just tracing a while ago. She’d like to take him on his offer but his emanating vibe is unnecessarily terrifying. She understands why he could be annoyed by her by now but it seems as though she struck a very sensitive nerve by his radical reaction.

“I know I’m handsome, cute, hot, good looking, whatever you wanna call it. But seriously, curse. this. face! Lots of girls and teachers, even guys at the college have made me their model since day one, like I’m just some object to them but you know what? I’m not some disposable model. I’m a painter, just like them! This damn face overshadows everything else. I’d like to think I have a brain and some skills you know,” Taehyung looks at her with his piercing eyes until he rolls it back and closes them in frustration. He brushes his hair with his hand as he gulps down his next words, trying not to snap again.

“…I-I don’t think you’re just that…I think you’re a-actually smart” she stutters. She can’t help but feel there’s more to his story. How can anyone not like their good looks?

“Well…good.” she slowly sees the child-like angel in him resurface again.

Assuming the confrontation was over, she tries to get out from under him like a worm but he follows her down, trapping her between his arms again.

“Nuh-uh, sweet pea. You have to make it up to me. Come to the third wing studio tomorrow and I’ll think about forgiving you.”

A flash of the headlights of the long-awaited bus illuminates the side of his face.

Ch. 1 fin.

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