#honestly this could be under the agenda tag too because what is my agenda. if not letting pin-lee get some | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

satoruvt · 3 years

Text

words you never could say

...and i’m torn apart.

pairing → lee seokmin x reader, some kim mingyu x reader, and also seokmin x oc for a hot minute

word count → 10956

genre → fluff, a lil angst, high school au (only for a sec), college au, slice of life ↳ tags: man aight. love rosie au without the kid (right person wrong time kinda deal), childhood friends to lovers, i was writing this whole thing like “poor mingyu”, pushing the seokmin theater major agenda, mc does not know how to handle anything ever, PROM?!?!, airport moments (tm), unusual amounts of “hi”s and “hey”s, pov you are in love with lee seokmin, seokmin has a disney+ account, Oh My God I’m In Love moments (tm), PINING, when u and ur best friend are in love with each other but too stupid to do anything about it, pain but only for a second, mingyu is trying but it is not working, oh to hold seokmin’s hand...

synopsis → the timing is just never right, is it?

warnings → i think theres some swearing, mc drinks one time, little mentions of anxiety here and there, uhh i think thats it <3

a/n → @seokmingiggles LANNIE!!!!!!! omg when i got u for this exchange event i was so excited <3 i’d like to personally apologize for the length of this LMAO i really didn’t mean for it to get this long but.... here we are 🤡HAHAHA i knew immediately that i wanted to do something special for u and i’ve had this idea locked away in my wips for a while and i thought it’d be perfect. u are the coolest and i love seeing u on my dash. pls enjoy this, seokmin loves u lots <333

for @ficscafe fic exchange event!

the title comes from epitaph by hippo campus, which is included on a cute playlist i made for this fic <3

sixteen.

“I had a dream last night,” Seokmin tells you.

You hum and open your eyes just enough to look over at him, resting on your elbows in the grass. He’s lying down fully, face dotted with the harsh light of the summer’s afternoon sun. You were supposed to have a picnic today, but it really just ended up being too-expensive ice cream and sitting under one of the only trees in the park because it’s so hot. “What was it about?” You ask.

Seokmin looks back at you, moves so one of his arms supports his head. “Ah, really,” he starts. The tips of his ears are red; from the sun or from something else, you’re not sure. “About you, honestly.”

“Oh, I’m honored,” you respond. Seokmin giggles and you laugh with him, ask him why the dream was about you, what you were doing. It doesn’t really surprise you that he dreamed about you - you’ve been friends for years, it’d be weird if the two of you never dreamt about each other.

“It was so weird,” he says with an equally weird face, and you raise an eyebrow at him. “We were in this field or something, and you were, like, miles away from me, but I could still see you clearly. We were facing each other even when we were so far away, and you had an apple on your head.”

Seokmin sits up as you give him a confused look and he holds his hand up as if to tell you to wait, it gets weirder.

“Suddenly I have a bow and arrow in my hand. And I take the arrow and I shoot it at you, at the apple. It’s a clear shot,” he holds his arm completely straight in front of him, finger pointing at you. “I know I’m gonna hit it, even when you’re so far away. But then this entire forest just emerges from the ground, and then I’m thinking I won’t hit you at all. I won’t even come close.”

You do a poor job at hiding the amused smile on your face when Seokmin’s so serious about this. “Okay,” you say, a sign of moderate encouragement. His eyes are bright when he looks at you.

“But I just know that I hit you,” he says.

“Dream logic,” you add thoughtfully.

“Yes.” He leans back on one of his hands, the other shielding his eyes from a line of sun that breaks through the leaves. “The arrow swerves through all the trees, dodges everything, somehow, and hits the apple. And then it’s like I blink and we’re not so far apart anymore, we’re standing right in front of each other.”

A couple of kids running after a frisbee laugh and you wonder if Seokmin’s dream happened here. The park’s certainly large enough. If you think about it, you can almost picture the two of you on opposite sides.

“You’ve got the apple in your hands, you’re getting the juice all over the place, but then I look at you, and you smile at me. And then I woke up.”

There’s a second of barely-quiet, a breeze rustling the leaves of the tree and cooling you for just a moment. You nod like you’re thinking, considering his dream, and then say, “yeah, dream you was definitely trying to kill me.”

“Hey! We don’t know that!”

“Oh, come on! You shot the arrow at me, you hit the apple by luck, and the reason I was smiling at the end was because I was still alive!”

Seokmin grumbles before ripping out a handful of grass from the ground and throwing it at you, laughing together as you fall to the ground dramatically, clutching your shirt where blades of grass linger.

If the dream has any meaning, you don’t remember it.

eighteen.

High school comes and goes and before long it’s the end of your senior year, a world you’re still unfamiliar with waiting for you. It makes you a little emotional, felt in your chest and through the late-spring breeze, like your heart knows everything you consider familiar will soon become a fond memory.

You and Seokmin have had to same plan for years.

“Weird to think that in a year we’ll be finishing our first year of college,” he says one day during a free period. You’re both sitting outside, enjoying a post-lunch snack of boba tea and muffins from your favorite restaurant (courtesy of you having your driver’s license and Seokmin offering to pay). You nod, taking a sip of your drink.

“In a different country,” you add.

And, well. Neither of you have received your acceptance letters yet, but Seokmin is Seokmin, and you’re not worried about him. Any performing arts college would be lucky to have him, even if it happens to be half a world away. You know he’ll get in, it’s just a matter of time. You applied for a general college in the same city - a little easier for you, but still with him. The two of you had gathered up in his room months ago to fill out your separate applications and send them at the same time like it might make a difference.

Seokmin says, “crazy.”

You say, “yeah.”

The conversation drifts into plans for the upcoming end-of-the-year dance, which you expect to be the usual. Go with Seokmin, actually be at the event for no more than an hour, head back to either your or Seokmin’s house to spend the night watching movies and trying not to make too much noise laughing when he inevitably does something stupidly funny.

You expect things to be easy. Familiar like always before things start to really change.

Evidently, the change you’re nervous about hits a little earlier than you expected.

Seokmin gets asked to prom by a girl in your grade, someone named Sarai. She’s pretty and sweet and talked to Seokmin enough for him to say yes (although he checks with you about it first, which, however sweet, seems a little unnecessary). You’re not upset - it’s not as if you can’t still hang out with him at the dance. Your after-prom plans with him still stand, and you remind him of such. Plus, you’re excited to tease him just a little bit about his first real date to anything. And once Seokmin’s found a date, the universe shifts just a little bit more when Mingyu asks you to the dance.

(You’re surprised, but you say yes, because you’ve been partnered with him enough in class projects to know he’ll make sure you have a good time. He’s sweet and funny and laughs when Seokmin threatens him about what’ll happen if he treats you badly. The “threats” are half-assed and Seokmin apologizes for them later.)

And then the universe does a total 180 when you receive a letter in the mail from the college you applied to months ago and it starts with the words we regret to inform you like it really matters to them at all. On prom day, too.

It kills your mood, for sure, but you don’t exactly have much time to worry about it… it’ll just make Seokmin upset, too. You’ll tell him later. Tonight will be good, you’ll deal with it all later. You get ready for the dance a little lackluster, but it’s okay.

Soon enough Mingyu’s picking you up from your house, slipping a corsage onto your wrist and smiling through your family’s unavoidable need for pictures. He cracks jokes on the way to the school and you laugh at them but you know he can tell something’s up. He doesn’t say anything about it.

Once you actually get into the dance and meet up with Seokmin and Sarai, you do forget about things for a while. You spend time cringing at the music playing a little too loud over the speakers, laughing at Seokmin and Mingyu having what can barely be considered a dance battle. It’s easy to get swept up in the moment, and you’re thankful for the distraction.

After you waste your energy on the dance battle (you were brought in against your will, but you still won by a landslide) you tell the group that you’re a little overheated and going to cool off outside. You seat yourself on the steps outside of the gym, take in a deep breath of outside air.

And it… hits, a little, right then. That you’re not leaving with Seokmin. He got his acceptance letter a few days ago, and he’s leaving, and you should have applied to other schools, but application fees are expensive and you really just thought that you’d get in. You thought things would work out okay.

You sniff when the door behind you opens and shuts, music loud and then quiet, wiping what little tears escaped away. Mingyu sits down next to you too fast for him not to know what you’re trying to do, so you give up easily. A second of quiet passes, filled with crickets and the ruffling of your clothes as you move idly.

“Sorry,” you end up saying, voice small. In your peripheral vision, you see Mingyu tilt his head to look at you, and when you look back at him, he’s got a small pout on his face.

“For what?” He asks in response, leaning back on his hands. “You’ve had a bad day. Just ‘cause it’s prom doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel bad.”

Something in his voice makes you want to cry, but you let out a sigh in hopes you can hold off the tears for a little bit longer. “It’s just,” you breathe, feelings your voice shake. “I didn’t get into the college I was supposed to, and Seokmin did, and he’s looking dorms and apartments so far away, and I… I’m not going with him. He’ll be there alone.”

Mingyu hums. “Have you told him yet?”

“No.”

“Are you going to?”

The answer to that question should be an automatic yes. Even you know that much. You say, “I don’t know.”

Mingyu nods and it surprises you. “I think you should,” he says.

You run your hands over your arms. You know he’s right - he doesn’t even have to explain why he thinks it’s a good idea - but still, you…

“I don’t want to have to tell him that we have to do this all separately,” you murmur. “We had a plan. I really wanted it to work.”

Mingyu rubs a gentle hand over your back, and the warmth of his palm provides more comfort than these kinds of things usually do. He’s smiling at you when you look over at him, something soft and understanding. “It’ll be rough to be apart from him, but there’s nothing you can do about it now. And sending him off without telling him’ll only be worse in the long run.”

It still makes you nervous. You don’t want to have to take such a big step without Seokmin, and you don’t want him to have to take such a big step without you, either. All of this change is scary as is, and to do it without the one person you’ve counted on for years… well. You know you’ll still have each other, even through timezones and cultures, but it’s not the same as physically being with him.

You blink away fresh tears as you look at Mingyu, watching him come in and out of focus while you try to get your vision back to normal. He waits, patient, fingers rubbing patterns into the space between your shoulder blades, and you think, briefly, that maybe it wouldn’t be so hard to like him. You lean closer to him so your head rests on his shoulder and he lets you, his hand moving from your back to over your shoulder as you do. “Thank you,” you tell him. “Sorry for being a bad date.”

Mingyu shrugs gently like he’s trying not to jostle you around too much. “You can make it up to me by buying me lunch one of these days.”

Despite what Mingyu said on prom night, you don’t tell Seokmin.

Graduation comes and goes, as does the summer. Seokmin asks about your acceptance letter and your answers range from “maybe they’re behind” to “I wonder if I gave them the wrong address” and he accepts them. You spend the months melted into ice cream and at low-light bonfires, in pillow forts at Seokmin’s and LED-lit movie nights at your place. You visit Mingyu on his breaks at work and look for your own job.

(Seokmin asks why you’re looking for work when you’ll just be gone soon, and you tell him a temp job’s money can pay for textbooks.)

It’s a good summer, even if it feels like you’re plagued by a shadow for most of it. You try not to let it get to you (some days you wonder how you manage it).

Eventually, however… it’s time for Seokmin to leave.

By this point you’ve given up on stalling, and you’ve told him that you’ve received your acceptance letter, you’re just staying behind for a while to tie up some loose ends and make sure everything’s in order. You’re at the boarding gate with him, waiting for his flight to be called.

“So,” he starts, shuffling his carryon bag between his hands. “I’ll see you in a few weeks?”

“Yeah,” you answer, hoping that he can’t hear the lie in your voice. “A few weeks. I’ll text you when I’m done with everything.”

Seokmin pulls you into a hug and you hold onto him for dear life, because whether you’re coming or not, it’ll be a while before you see him again. You’re a little comforted by the fact that he seems reluctant to go, too, his face buried in your neck. You think you hear him sniff and it’s almost comical.

When you pull away from the embrace, you don’t distance yourself, keeping your forehead against his. You refuse to open your eyes, a little too afraid of what you will or won’t see, a little too caught up in all this moment might mean to you, in all that Seokmin means to you. His breath dances over your lips and you lean into it, a hint of something in uncharted territory. A new feeling, a different rush.

His plane is called to board and you break away for real, this time, your eyes opening as you feel Seokmin’s arms slip from around your body. You don’t have time to think about whatever feeling rushed through you.

“Have a safe flight, okay? Call me if you need anything.”

Seokmin smiles, big and bright, says, “‘kay. I’ll see you soon.”

But you don’t see him for a while after that.

nineteen.

“Have you told Seokmin yet?”

Mingyu’s tone is innocently inquisitive, but you know better when he’s been asking the same question every few days for almost an entire year. “Seokmin stopped asking,” you respond, taking a bite of your sandwich as the early-spring breeze ruffles your hair.

Seokmin did stop asking about when you’d be following him to college. You think he figured it out a long time ago - a month into the school year and you were still nowhere to be found - but it’s been harder and harder to talk to him at all, given he’s busy with school and you have little energy between shifts at work. The time difference doesn’t help much, either.

“What do you mean he stopped asking?” Mingyu scoffs, and you shrug, picking off a stray blade of grass from your picnic blanket (Mingyu’s idea for today’s lunch date, since it’s started to get warmer outside).

“I mean he stopped asking,” you say. “It’s been hard to talk to him lately.”

A second passes with neither of you talking before Mingyu murmurs something along the lines of “can’t believe you didn’t tell him” and you roll your eyes, taking a chip from the bag you brought and throwing it at him. You feel bad about it - you think you always will - but there’s nothing you can do about it now, really.

The two of you eat together in lighter conversation, drifting from one topic to the next, enjoying company. He makes stupid jokes and you pretend they’re not funny, but it never lasts long and you can’t help a few giggles from slipping out.

And then he says, “you know, I always thought you and Seokmin would get together.”

You blink at him a few times, then furrow your brows. “Like, dating?”

“Yeah,” he laughs, wiping his hands free of crumbs. “Everyone did, really.”

You’ve never thought of it that much - you figured you’d get a few people here and there asking when you and Seokmin would actually start dating (you did, and it still shocks you) but you’ve never… seriously considered it. Mingyu asks you as such and you shake your head, honest. He looks at you with an unreadable expression.

“Seokmin… he looked at you like he was in love with you.”

For a second you think about the airport, about being so close to him you couldn’t focus on anything else, the moments spent in a different world, but you shake it out of your mind. “You know Seokmin,” you say. “He’s a little bit in love with everything.”

Mingyu hums. “He’s not the only one who looked at you like that.”

He says it so casually you almost miss it completely. You look at him and he’s looking at something else, and it reminds you of partnering with him in class and when he’d send you homework answers when you missed school, reminds you of prom and sitting outside the gym with him, your head on his shoulder and his arm around you.

You say, “Mingyu?”

He says, “sorry, I really wanted this to be better.”

It hits in a second and you’re practically falling over yourself to get to him, hands on his shoulders while you shake him ruthlessly. “Wait, are you being serious?” You demand, barely listening to his protests. “What the hell, are you really -”

Mingyu pushes you off of him, gentle, and you just stare at him like you’ll get an answer without saying anything. You only find half of the words. “How long have you…”

He’s just as flustered as you, it seems, but he understands what you’re trying to say. He scratches the back of his head in a nervous tick you remember him telling you about once. “Since… maybe junior year? The middle of junior year.”

“Why did you say anything?”

His smile is bittersweet. “Well, I thought you were dating Seokmin,” he says. “And when I found out you weren’t, I figured it’d only be a matter of time before you were, so I think I forgot about it for a while. But, I don’t know, we got so close this last year, and I know it’s only because Seokmin’s gone -”

“No, Mingyu, what?” You interrupt before you can think about it. He looks at you and it breaks your heart to think that he’s been feeling this way for so long. “Seokmin is my best friend, but I never saw you as a replacement. You’re you, not him, and I…”

There’s something in the way Mingyu looks at you now, a sliver of fondness steeped in the dark of his eyes. “You?”

You feel like falling. “...I wouldn’t mind a date. Sometime. With you.”

Mingyu grins so wide it makes your heart pound.

It takes a few dates and a few more kisses, but eventually you and Mingyu are officially dating. Summer comes in what feels like record time but it’s good, spending your time working and liking Mingyu, feeling like slow-melting honey. You think you might have enough money for your own apartment, soon.

It happens on a completely normal day.

You’re standing at the register post-lunch rush, meaning there probably won’t be many customers for the next few hours. The health of your nails is a lot more interesting than looking around a restaurant you’ve been familiar with since you were thirteen, so you don’t even notice that a customer’s come in until you hear and quiet ahem in front of you.

You manage to get out “oh, gosh, sorry, how can I -” before you realize that it’s Seokmin.

Seokmin, standing in front of you, hair a warm brown instead of the black you saw him leave with. He stuffs his hands in his pockets and smiles at you.

“Hi,” you say.

“Hey,” he says back.

Your manager is kind enough to let you take your break early, and you grab your and Seokmin’s favorites from the menu before sitting down with him. He speaks first, like he’s been thinking about this for a while.

“So,” he starts, and you raise an eyebrow at him from across the table. “You’re still living here.”

It hits like a brick to your chest and you chuckle as some sort of self defense, choosing to start with a winded “yeah, about that,” before telling Seokmin what happened. In all honesty, it’s not hard to be solemn about it - you feel guilty, and even more so, just sad. You missed out on so much with him, a years worth of new memories.

When you’re done, he says, “okay.”

“‘Okay’? You’re not mad?” You ask, incredulous. Seokmin shakes his head, hair bouncing with the movement.

“No… I mean, I’m upset, but I’m not mad,” he says. “It was hard for you, and that’s okay. I just wish you would’ve told me.”

You nod, leaning back in your seat while Seokmin takes another bite of his food. “I was worried you wouldn’t leave at all,” you tell him. “And after you left, I guess I was worried that you’d come back.”

“Eh, maybe.”

“Maybe? Maybe?”

But it’s easy like it always is with Seokmin, and when your break is over and you have to get back to work he tells you that he’ll see you again when your shift is over. You grin at him when he leaves and he grins back, and despite the surprise, you’re excited that he’s visited. You’ve missed your best friend.

You see him again when he meets you at your place, waiting for you to change out of your work clothes and so he can say hi to your family since it’s been so long. He’s paging through a magazine on your bed while you finish up getting ready in your bathroom.

“Are you dating anyone?” He asks suddenly, and an automatic grin flushes over your face as you stick your head in the doorway to look at him.

“Yeah, actually,” you say, and Seokmin’s eyes widen. “Mingyu and I started dating a little bit ago.”

“Mingyu,” Seokmin echoes, almost like he can’t believe it. “Mingyu from high school? That Mingyu?”

“Yes?” You respond, matching his confused tone. Seokmin turns back to your magazine.

“The threat still stands,” he whispers dramatically. “I’ll have to tell him again.”

You laugh openly, rolling your eyes as you leave your bathroom to find your shoes. You’re not exactly sure where the two of you are going tonight, but you figure it doesn’t matter. You’re tying up the laces on your second shoe when Seokmin speaks again.

“I’m happy for you, though,” he says. There’s something in his voice - in his face - that you can’t decipher. “Mingyu’s good.”

It makes you happy, proud, even, and you make it known with a large grin. The rest of the night is simple, nostalgic in a way you haven’t felt for a while as the two of you drive down familiar streets and listen to old songs you used to love. The sun sets on a day that feels successful and comfortable, and when Mingyu calls you out of the blue later Seokmin does make sure to threaten him again, and this time he finds it in himself to not take it all back immediately (even when he tells you to tell Mingyu he’s sorry later). You think that it’ll be a while before things are this simple again.

twenty-one.

Seokmin answers your call in exactly three and a half rings and with an excited “hey!”

It’s been easier and easier to keep in touch with each other now that you both have a better grasp on your schedules and you aren’t avoiding him. You manage to find a time to talk to each other that isn’t too early for you or too late for him and vice versa, and at a rate that doesn’t leave the two of you silent for weeks on end. “Hey, Seok.”

He asks you about your week, how things have been going, and you humbly brag about already being promoted at your new job. He sends you a weird look but congratulates you nonetheless, and you flick your camera and he pretends like it hurts.

“What about you?” You ask, laying back in your bed. You hear the front door of your apartment open and close and figure Mingyu’s home (which is still a weird thing to just think, even when it’s been a few months that you’ve lived together). “Anything new and exciting?”

Mingyu must hear you talking, because he doesn’t come into your shared bedroom announcing “honey, I’m home,” like he (obnoxiously) does every day. You smile at him when his face appears in the doorway. “Actually,” Seokmin says from your phone, eyes sparkling even through the bad quality of your camera. Mingyu shuffles around in your peripheral vision. “I was cast in a musical the theater department’s doing.”

Halfway through the phrase “no way” Mingyu decides to collapse directly on top of you, and you let out a gust of air you didn’t even know you could hold in your lungs followed by inevitable giggles. Seokmin makes a confused noise on the other end of the line.

“Hi Seokmin,” Mingyu offers as an explanation, voice muffled from where his mouth is nuzzled into your chest. Seokmin laughs.

“Hi, Mingyu.”

You roll your eyes at your boyfriend’s antics but don’t push him off of you, only shifting a little so that Seokmin can still see your face and you’re not uncomfortable holding the phone up. “Ignore him. Tell me about the musical.”

And he does. He tells you what it’s about, that he got the lead even when he didn’t think he’d have a chance, that the first show is in about a month and a half. You don’t pitch in often, only offering hums and nods and sounds of amazement as Seokmin rattles on happily.

It’s not long after that that you say your goodbyes, bringing your faces too close to your cameras as a new sort of ritual before you hang up. You toss your phone somewhere on the other side of the bed and wrap your arms around Mingyu (who’s been very patient), who leans up to kiss you sweetly, then pepper light kisses all over your face as a greeting.

“Welcome home,” you say through laughter.

It’s a slow night, most of the evening spent in bed watching stupid videos and catching up on new episodes of TV shows both of you watch together. When the sun finally sets Mingyu leaves your blanket cocoon to take a shower and you busy yourself with looking up the cost… of plane tickets.

Right when you’re finishing up the necessary research is when Mingyu comes out of the shower. “What’re you lookin’ at?” He asks, motioning to your laptop. He sits on the corner of the bed, toweling his hair dry, and you bite your lip.

“Would it be okay if I… booked a trip? For, say, a month and a half from now?”

Mingyu blinks at you. “For Seokmin?”

You nod, pushing your laptop off of your legs to rest on the mattress. “Yeah, I… it’s his first musical, and when we had this whole plan to move together, I told him I’d be there,” you say. “Feels kinda like I owe him, you know? And I miss him. He’s only visited once since that first time.”

Mingyu smiles at you, supportive, and you smile back. “Yeah, whatever you want,” he tells you, standing from the bed. His voice fades as he walks back to the bathroom. “It’ll be good to get away from you for a while.”

“Hey!”

A few days before Seokmin’s opening night you land in his city.

The first thought in your head is “oh wow, I’m finally here” and it’s immediately followed by the unnecessary and irrational anxiety funded by the fact that Seokmin doesn’t know you’re here. The whole visit is a surprise. You had stopped by his parents’ house to ask his mom for his address and she had gone the extra mile to tell you he wouldn’t have plans when you were visiting and that he’d be home alone.

(“Are you dating anyone right now?” She had asked when you visited. You told her yes, a mutual friend of yours and Seokmins. “Oh,” she’d said. “That’s a shame. I’d always hoped you and Seokmin would get together. I think he used to have a crush on you.”)

You want it to be a surprise, because it’s been so long since you’ve seen him in person, but at the same time… it’s a little inconveniencing to show up at someone’s house out of nowhere. But you know Seokmin, and he’d never turn you away over it.

After you get your bags you make your way to the entrance of the airport, luckily landing a taxi without waiting too long. Everything is busy and you’re a little overwhelmed, but somehow you can’t help but think that it fits Seokmin to be in a place like this, full of life and warmth like him. The taxi driver asks you where you want to go and you read him the address you were given (Seokmin’s address, your brain emphasizes) and he takes off like he knows exactly where the apartment is.

You’re not sure how much time passes but soon enough you’re in front of Seokmin’s building, entering through the lobby and taking the elevator up to the fourth floor. Your heart feels like it’s pounding out of your chest and the smooth, mindless music coming from the speakers does little to help you calm down. When you get to the right floor you count the doors as you pass them, mumbling Seokmin’s under your breath until the numbers on the plaque finally match the ones you’re telling yourself.

You take a second to calm yourself down, one nice deep breath into your lungs before you knock three times in quick succession. There are footsteps, the turn of the lock, and then…

It’s not Seokmin. It’s a girl. A girl you’ve never seen before.

Both of you stare at each other for a little too long before you snap out of it and ask, tentative, “is there… a Seokmin here?”

Recognition bleeds onto her face and she leans back into the apartment to call out Seokmin’s name, reverberating through the walls. It happens in the same way, all again, a little more distinct to your ears - footsteps, the shuffling of clothes, and then Seokmin is in front of you, real, in the flesh.

(Your Seokmin.)

“Hey,” you greet with a smile that you’ve been trying to hold in since you landed. “Surprise.”

In a step and a half Seokmin’s crushing you in his arms and you’re laughing like it’s the only thing you know how to do, squeezing him back just as hard. He smells like the detergent you’ve always known him to use mixed with another scent you’re unfamiliar with but it still fits him just the same, warm and light and potent.

“What are you doing here?” Seokmin asks as he lets you go, stepping back into his doorway and making room for you to follow. He grabs one of your bags and you follow him into his apartment.

“Oh, when you told me about your musical I figured I should come and see,” you say once you both stop in the living room. “I promised I would.”

Something moves behind the two of you but you barely notice. Seokmin stands in front of you and for a moment it’s like it was back before you graduated, before he moved and before everything. “Yeah, you did,” he murmurs.

An ahem sound echoes throughout the room and you remember the girl from earlier, the one who opened the door to Seokmin’s apartment. You spin around while Seokmin makes an “oh!” sound like he just remembered she was there (and you feel kind of bad, but she only rolls her eyes with a smile).

“Sorry,” Seokmin laughs, coming around you to stand by the girl. “This is my friend Ashley. She’s playing the other lead in the musical, we were going over lines.”

You introduce yourself and Ashley is nice, shakes your hand with a firm grip as you tell her your name before she says she should get going. This is what you were anxious about earlier. You tell both of them that you didn’t mean to interrupt and if they needed to keep practicing they could, but Ashley assures you that she was planning on leaving soon anyways and walks out the door calling it was good meeting you!

The door shuts and you’re here in Seokmin’s apartment, and it feels strange… maybe things were always meant to turn out this way, but you can’t help but think that in another lifetime this might’ve been your apartment too, if everything had gone according to plan. You wonder how everything went for parallel universe you.

“So,” you say, looking at Seokmin. “Give me a tour?”

The week is spent relaxing and laughing, catching up with Seokmin as he shows you his favorite hang-out spots and restaurants. On a day that he doesn’t have any morning classes the two of you attempt a homemade brunch and you don’t end up setting off the fire alarm. You spend a solid four hours in a private karaoke room that was definitely too much for you to be paying for but Seokmin was going through Twice’s entire discography and you knew better than to try to drag him away from that.

He reserves a ticket for you for the musical (“Front row, I begged for hours!” He wails when he comes back. He was gone for thirty minutes) and it feels like the time really flies after that, because then it’s opening night and you’re waiting outside the university’s theater. Seokmin had left a few hours earlier than you because, well, he is performing. You’d told him good luck and that you’d be cheering the loudest.

And when the musical starts and he comes on stage you really can’t stop smiling. You’re reminded of when he really decided this is what he wants to do, and you know everything he’s done has led up to this. All he’s for is the stage, for performance, and when he sings you fall into it, losing yourself in the story.

There’s an entire auditorium of people that clap when the play finishes, but based on the looks the people around you are giving you, you’d say you’re at least one of the loudest. And based on the grin Seokmin sends your way when the cast bows, you’d say you’re loud enough for him.

A few minutes after the curtain falls you get a text from him telling you to meet him backstage and you make your way there, finding him waiting at the entrance for you. The first thing you do is tackle him in a hug and he laughs loud, sounding as giddy as you feel, then he takes you backstage with him. He’s wiping off makeup when he tells you about a post-show dinner.

“You should come,” he says, makeup smearing at the corner of his eye. You lean forward, taking the makeup wipe from him and deciding that he’s hopeless at this stuff before gently wiping at his face for him. “It’ll be a lot of fun!”

You purse your lips in thought, then shake your head, grabbing a fresh wipe and rubbing it over the rest of his face. “No, I don’t want to intrude. I wasn’t even a part of any of this, it’d feel weird.”

Seokmin looks at you with puppy eyes, asking if you’re sure, and you nod, flicking him softly in the forehead as both of you laugh.

On your way home you pick up a bouquet of flowers and a single cupcake in Seokmin’s favorite flavor, along with a pack of candles. You only need one of them, but you couldn’t find a single candle that wasn’t a number. It’s not much, but you want to give him something. It’s a memorable occasion, anyways.

You make good use of his Disney+ account while you wait for him to come back, and sometime around midnight you hear the jingle of keys and then the lock at the front door turn. You pause your movie (a little bitterly because you just got to the good part of Tangled) and set everything up accordingly, the bouquet on the counter and the cupcake next to it, and you barely manage to light the candle in time before Seokmin enters the room.

“Congratulations,” you call, quiet to mind the neighbors, your hands out to frame the simple gifts as if to say “here you go!”

He crosses through the living room to stand opposite to you on the other side of the counter, watching the flame on the candle intently. The wax drips onto the frosting. “You gotta blow it out, Seok. The wax is gonna get all over it.”

Seokmin asks, “you got this for me?” in a small voice and it’s only when you look at him that you notice his eyes glassy with tears.

“Oh, Seokminnie, don’t cry,” you say with a gentle laugh, and he sniffs with his own chuckle before leaning down to blow the candle out. You reach a hand over the counter and ruffle his hair while he switches his attention to the bouquet, picking it up and looking at the flowers close up.

And then he looks back at you, ears and the tip of his nose a little red from the almost-crying, smile on his face as usual as ever, but you are - and this is -

You think about that day the two of you hung out in high school, when you went to the park and he told you about a weird dream; you remember the sun on his skin and the way that he spoke. You think about being his date to anything, a routine, familiar, a promise. You think about planning your lives together so you would still be close together even when you’re both old and senile, you think about lost moments, you think about this moment, right here, in Seokmin’s apartment, in a world created by the two of you.

And this… this is being in love. This is being in love with Seokmin. This is realizing.

“Hey,” Seokmin calls, waving a hand in front of your face. You blink a few times. “Did you zone out?”

It takes a second longer than it should for you to respond. “Yeah,” you answer slowly, trying to swallow everything down. You feel hot. “Sorry, yeah.”

“You sure that’s all it is? You look pale.”

You shake your head. Is this really happening? “No, I’m fine, promise. I guess I’m just a little tired.”

Seokmin reaches forward and puts the back of his hand against your forehead to check your temperature. It makes everything worse. “You must be too,” you add, desperate. You don’t know if you want him closer or if you want him far away. “It’s late. You performed in a play today.”

As if on cue, he yawns. You gulp as he takes his hand away to cover his mouth, then nods, his lips forming into a pout. “Yeah, you’re right. Guess we should get some sleep, huh?”

He leaves the flowers but takes the cupcake with him to his bedroom, a giddy and innocent “goodnight” called over his shoulder before his door shuts. You unfold a few blankets onto his couch, turn off the lights, and will yourself to go to sleep like it might make the feeling go away.

Do I want it to go away?

You refuse to answer.

You try to push it all back, at least for the rest of the trip. Luckily, you only stay another few days before you have to head back home, and you think you do a decent job, even if Seokmin senses something (but he doesn’t ask you about it, which you’re more than thankful for). Unluckily, you have to return home to Mingyu. Your boyfriend. And you don’t know what that might mean for you.

The airport gives you deja vu.

“Thank you for visiting,” Seokmin tells you at your gate, and you smile at him.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you say, feeling your heart clench in your chest. “I’ll be back soon.”

For some reason it’s not any easier, despite the fact that he’s been living so far away from you for so long. Maybe… maybe it’s because things are different, at least for you.

“‘Kay,” Seokmin responds, opening his arms wide. You go to him in a second.

And Seokmin has never felt unfamiliar, he’s never been unusual. But it feels different, holding him like this, his hand on your back and his nose in your shoulder. It is so much more and so much worse and you can’t do anything but squeeze him tighter.

He pulls away first and the minimal space between you reminds you of the first time you saw him off at the airport, and now, if you wanted, you could…

It only lasts for a second. (You wonder if it’s a sign.)

You almost tell him, right there, his hands still lingering on you and his scent still attached to your clothes. You almost tell him that the other night, looking at him under his kitchen light, you realized you were in love with him. You open your mouth to, but your throat stops you, and then an automated voice calling for your gate interrupts you before you even get a chance.

(You wonder if that’s a sign, too.)

You can’t, you remind yourself. Not yet, at least. Not when Mingyu’s at home, waiting for you to get back. Not when he’s waiting for you.

Waiting for you to come around, it seems.

You get home and things seem normal, like nothing changed. The world keeps spinning, you suppose. Mingyu picks you up from the airport but somehow holds himself together until you get home, lifting you up and spinning you around, and you can’t help the giggling, don’t stop yourself from kissing him sweetly as a greeting.

But it feels off. Wrong, even. You wish it didn’t.

The weeks pass. You go back to work, face the routine you’ve had for so long now, come home to Mingyu every night until you start to think that maybe this - maybe Mingyu - isn’t worth keeping, when you feel this way about Seokmin. It’s not fair to either of you.

It’s a sunny day when you decide to talk to Mingyu about it. He comes home from work and you let him change into comfortable clothes, hands curled around a mug of coffee at the island when he comes into the kitchen from the bedroom. You say, “I need to talk to you about something.”

He blinks at you but nods, moving to sit on the barstool next to yours. Your heart starts to pound in your chest and you feel your hands start to shake at the force of it, doing your best to hide it by sitting on your palms.

And you know the words, they’re on the tip of your tongue. They’ve been screaming at you so much for so long that you can taste the syllables in your mouth, the sounds of the letters almost too loud. But you can’t say them. You open your mouth, then close it, then open it again. You look at Mingyu and he smiles.

“Is this,” he starts, pushing hair out of your face, “about Seokmin?”

All you can do is nod, then watch as his hand falls back to his lap. “Ah, I knew it,” he says. You want to throw up. “Never could measure up to him, huh?”

“No,” you say immediately, your voice finally finding its way up your throat. “Mingyu, it was never - it was always me. I’m sorry. It was never you.”

He looks at you and you don’t know what to do. Something like this was never supposed to happen to you, and it was never supposed to happen to someone like Mingyu. It’s all so unfair.

“I didn’t know,” you tell him, feeling your lip wobble with the threat of tears. You will them away. Something in you breaks anyways. “I didn’t know until I visited him. And it was never - you were never a replacement, you remember when I told you that, right? You weren’t, and I felt something for you, I loved you -”

“Hey,” Mingyu interrupts, pulling your hands into his. You take in a sharp breath and wonder how he can sound so calm. “I don’t blame you.”

It just feels so wrong that you have to do this, that you have to break him like this. He doesn’t shake like you, but you can see it in the way he moves and how he looks at you. In a second everything changes, and you don’t know what to do, you don’t know what to say anymore. You squeeze Mingyu’s hands and push all of your energy into hoping that the action does something for both of you.

When it all dies down, you pack your suitcase with clothes and leave to stay at your parents’ for a few days. Mingyu watches you leave.

twenty-two.

Your birthday comes right after you finish moving everything out of your and Mingyu’s apartment. Well. Just Mingyu’s, now. Carrying the last box in your hands, you ask him if he’ll be okay (you feel like a bitch for it), if he still wants you to pay half of the rent until the lease finishes… he tells you he’ll be fine, and it makes you sigh. You move back in with your parents while you look for a new place to live.

It crosses your mind to tell Seokmin how you feel about him.

As you settle into a new routine, it shows up a lot. The wound from your breakup is still fresh - not as big as Mingyu’s, but it stings - so it takes you a little while, but you eventually come to the conclusion that you’ll tell him. You don’t know if he feels the same, and if he doesn’t… you know Seokmin. The worst he’d be is sweet.

A video call is the best you can do right now, so you text Seokmin and arrange a time to call when the time difference isn’t too harrowing. You tell him you’ve got news, and he sends back an excited me too!

And you hope, so foolishly.

(Because Mingyu had told you what feels like a lifetime ago that it’d always seemed like you were dating, and even Seokmin’s mom had said that he might’ve had a crush on you. You know it’s nothing. You still want to think that maybe...)

Your heart races as you listen to the low ring of your phone, waiting for Seokmin to pick up. It’s a quiet night, holed up in your old room, and you get lost in the pictures from high school taped along your mirror and the memorabilia strung along your desk in the form of ticket stubs and notes passed during classes, tiny trinkets as gifts from trips. A photobooth picture of you and Seokmin catches your attention the longest, eyes drifting between the set as younger versions of yourselves make stupid faces at the camera.

Your phone makes a noise that the call’s connected and the first thing you hear is a “hey!” from Seokmin that makes you smile despite your unease.

“Hey,” you respond, setting your phone upright on your desk and leaning back in your chair. “How are you doing, stranger?”

“Really good,” he answers. “It’s been a while since we called, huh?”

And it has - with everything that’s happened on your end, you’ve found it difficult to make time for an entire call, and you imagine Seokmin’s been busy as well. The two of you drift into small talk that doesn’t feel like small talk because it’s you and because it’s Seokmin, catching up on all the things that you missed during text conversations.

“Wait,” he says eventually, bringing the camera closer to his face. “Are you staying with your parents? That’s your old room, right?”

Here goes, you think. “About that,” you say, nervousness tangible in your voice. “The news I had to tell you. Or, I guess, half of it… Mingyu and I broke up.”

There’s a delayed noise from Seokmin before he straight up screams, and his face is so comical that you almost forget about your nerves completely. “You what?” he demands, shaking his phone back and forth. You find it in yourself to laugh. “Why?”

“Well, that’s the other half,” you say. A fresh rush of anxiety runs through your veins, but you manage it. Realization bleeds across Seokmin’s face and you think he’s figured it out before you even had a chance to tell him yourself.

“Oh god, that makes my news so much worse,” he says instead of what you think he will, and for a second your heart picks up its pace because - does he mean - but wait, that doesn’t make sense -

“What’s your news?” You ask, a little too breathless and a little too urgent for your liking.

“Are you sure you wanna hear it?” He asks in return, hesitant. “It might make you feel bad.”

Why would his confession make you feel bad? Does he know that you’re -

“Tell me.”

It can’t be worse than the kind way you know he’d turn you down…

“Well… Ashley and I started dating.”

Oh. Maybe it can.

“Ashley,” you start, saying her name like you’re forcing yourself to get used to saying it. The world starts to spin around you. “The other lead from the musical?”

“Yeah,” Seokmin says. “I didn’t… I don’t want to rub it in your face or anything, I didn’t know -”

“No, it’s okay, Seok,” you tell him, mustering a soft smile. “I’m happy for you.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

And you are, you could never not be happy for Seokmin, especially when he’s smiling like that and the tips of his ears are red because he’s a little embarrassed. He scratches the back of his neck before saying, “oh, but you never told me why you and Mingyu broke up? You said that was the other half.”

You say, “we can talk about it later,” and then, like it doesn’t hurt, “tell me about her.”

Seokmin grins like he used to grin at you and you can’t help but wonder…

(When did he stop? Why did you never notice? How did it go from being your smile to hers?)

Oh, well. Maybe you’ll never know.

twenty-three.

A few more months pass before you see Seokmin in person again, and it’s not by your own will.

Maybe that’s harsh. He’s graduating and invites you to come, and you tell him you’ll be there because you know you’d regret it if you didn’t go, feelings aside.

Feelings… you thought it would go away. You thought your heart would cut it out after Seokmin told you he was dating someone, but it seems no part of you got the memo, because you’re more than nervous to see him again. On the bright side, you won’t be there for as long as you were the last time you visited.

(But then it gets confusing, because you want to spend time with him, but you can’t be around him for too long without losing it. You can barely properly handle a phone call.)

On the flight you reserve a room at a hotel not far from Seokmin’s apartment, since his parents are staying with him and you don’t want to crowd it further. You go through the motions, checking into your hotel room before heading over to Seokmin’s to visit with everyone for a while. It’s almost easy for a bit, laughing with his parents about old memories and tales from a childhood that seems so long ago. You manage to make it through, leaving a little early with the excuse that jetlag has you tired and you don’t want to sleep in past your alarm for tomorrow.

In retrospect, college graduation isn’t that much different than high school, even if you’re just watching this time. You sit with Seokmin’s parents up in the bleachers of the venue they’re holding the ceremony in, scream at the top of your lungs when Seokmin’s name is called and he walks across the stage with a big smile. When it’s all over you meet up with him outside.

“You’re a big-shot, now,” you tease him, pulling at the strands of his tassel. He laughs.

Eventually Ashley finds her way over to your group, her arm immediately winding itself around Seokmin’s torso. You try not to stare, try even harder not to avoid them both completely. Seokmin says, “a few classmates are hosting a graduates party, do you wanna come?”

It’s instinct to shake your head. “I never went to college, Seokminnie,” you remind him, and he rolls his eyes.

Ashley says, “you should still come. I know it’s been a while since you two hung out. It could be fun.”

Despite whatever you feel towards Ashley - you don’t hate her, but it’s hard not to feel something negative towards her - you appreciate the push, and she’s right, either way. It’s been a while since you last saw Seokmin, and, well… maybe you just need to learn how to be around him, now.

And it is fun, for the most part. You’re not a total stranger to parties, having been to a few when Mingyu would insist on dragging you out of the house, and it’s not all plastic red cups and screaming like you thought it’d be. You have a good time, making small talk with a few girls in the kitchen while getting drinks, laughing way too hard with Seokmin, and even talking to Ashley doesn’t sting as much as it did before.

(It still aches, but it’s slower. Maybe it’s just the alcohol you’ve had.)

But eventually she pulls Seokmin away from you, even when he sends you a sympathetic smile. You wave him off, tell him he’ll find you later. You make your way out to the porch of the house (you’re wondering how the hell someone your age has an entire house but choose not to think about it too much for the sake of your head) because inside’s getting a little stuffy, walking past a few people already outside to sit on the front steps. You scroll through your phone, take occasional sips of your now-lukewarm drink.

The door opens, letting out a gentle blast of music and overlapping voices, and you hear Seokmin say, “oh, there you are!” before the door closes again. You turn around and smile at him, watching as he sits down next to you, grunting, “I thought I lost you.”

It makes you huff out a laugh. You hear the front door open and close again as the other people on the porch head back inside. “Just wanted some air.”

The two of you delve into soft conversation, but you can tell Seokmin wants to talk about something else. You bet it’s about Mingyu (you never told him why you broke up, never had the guts) or about how you’ve been acting differently. A space of quiet filled with crickets and distant bass surrounds you and you speak before he can ask, before you can think too much.

“Did you know everyone thought we’d end up together?” You ask, sparing a glance at him. “Like, dating?”

He chuckles a bit, says, “yeah, my mom was our number one fan.”

It makes something solemnly sweet bloom in you. You offer a small smile anyways, turn back to the neighborhood in front of you. “No, really, everyone. I didn’t realize it was such a big thing.”

You hear Seokmin blow out a puff of air. He sounds like he’s pouting the way he does when he’s thinking when he speaks again. “Yeah, me either, I guess. What does this…”

He doesn’t finish, and he doesn’t have to. You say, “Mingyu thought we would. Date, I mean.”

Seokmin stays quiet. You’ve waited so long now to tell him why you and Mingyu even broke up in the first place, and now that you’re here… what are you even supposed to say? How are you supposed to tell him everything in a way that’s equal parts kind and understanding, in a way that doesn’t sound like you’re begging for him to love you, too?

“...Is that why you guys broke up?” Seokmin asks. “Did he think we had something going on?”

You say “yes and no” through a breathy, nervous laugh. When you find it in yourself to look at Seokmin again he looks more confused than you felt when you first realized…

“Yes and no?”

Now or never, right?

“He didn’t think we had something going on,” you say. Your chest fills with a familiar feeling, something like butterflies, a little less poetic. Maybe moths. “But I…”

Seokmin doesn’t say anything, but he looks like he knows where you’re going with this. You let yourself say it because there’s nothing else you can say.

“When I came down to watch your musical,” you tell him, softly. “I think that’s when I realized I love you.”

It feels like you did something wrong, like you’re confessing to a crime, like you’re in court and everything you do is being watched. But the ground doesn’t crack beneath your feet when you say it, stars don’t start falling from the sky, a hurricane doesn’t start destroying everything in its path. The world stays still despite your pounding heart.

“You what?” Seokmin asks. It might be rhetorical. You answer anyways.

“I’m sorry, Seokminnie,” you say. “I love you.”

You’re not sure what you’re expecting from this (you’re not even sure what you’re hoping for), but it is not the anger you receive.

“Why did you have to say this now?” He asks you, exasperated. It surprises you and your eyes follow him as he stands from the steps, suddenly in front of you. “Now, when - you know I’m in a relationship.”

“I know,” you say, brows furrowing. You set your drink on the concrete next to you. “I’m not trying to get you to break up with Ashley, I’m not telling you this because -”

“Then what are you getting at?” Seokmin demands. “You don’t just confess to somebody to do it!”

Your brain can barely process what’s happening, but you stand up, too, like it might make him understand. “Do you even…” you start, swallowing. “Do you even know how hard it’s been to come to terms with this? How much I’ve worried if you’d still be my friend after I told you?”

Seokmin rolls his eyes and for the first time in a long time it’s not in the playful way you’ve grown to love. “There’s no reason to tell me if you’re not expecting me to feel the same,” he says, voice low. “You shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

And that… that hurts, for some reason, makes you physically take a step back. Both you and Seokmin see it, and you can tell he already feels bad, but he stands his ground, and that hurts even more. You grab all of your things off of the steps, pay no mind to the heat on your face and the shakiness of your hands. You don’t look at Seokmin as you leave.

You’re on a flight the next morning.

When you get back home your first instinct is to figure all of your shit out. You get into high gear looking for an apartment, put in extra hours at work, consider making a drastic change to your appearance because for a solid week you think it’ll solve all of your problems. You’re able to find an apartment and set a move in date, and things start to look good again.

You don’t forget about Seokmin, but you act like you do. Maybe it’ll be easier.

(It’s not.)

You don’t know how long this will last, the not talking to Seokmin and changing the subject whenever someone brings him up. A small, sick part of you wants to really forget about him, completely, because what happens after this? If the two of you make up… as upset as you are, you still love him. You don’t know if you’d take it all back, but you miss your best friend… before anything else, he was your person. After everything, you miss him in that way the most.

(Is it even right for you to miss him in a way you never had him?)

You’re organizing your kitchen, putting your dishes and cooking-ware in their newly designated spots, mumbling along to the songs playing through your phone. It’s not the most flashy apartment, but you’re happy to have your own place.

You’re not expecting any company, given you moved in yesterday, so when you hear a knock on your door, it startles you a bit. You turn off your music and stare at the door like it’ll give you the ability to see who’s outside, then figure it might be your landlord checking in. You leave the plate you were holding on the counter and make your way through the stacks of boxes towards the door.

When you open it, not bothering to look through the peephole, Seokmin’s standing in front of you.

There’s a second where neither of you speak, just looking at each other like weirdos, and then he says, “hi.”

A wave of emotions crashes into you at the sound of his voice, and it takes everything in you to hold it all back. “Hi,” you respond, because there’s not very much else you can say.

You’re not really angry anymore.

“Can I, um…” he starts, pushing his hands into his pockets. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah,” you say, blinking. You open the door wider for him to come in. “Sorry, it’s a bit of a mess, I still haven’t gotten everything put away yet…”

You shut and lock the door, and Seokmin follows you into the apartment. You stand by the kitchen counter, leaning against it, and he stands a few feet away in the empty living room. It’s quiet, which is strange, because it was never quiet with you two. But it’s been a few months since you’ve even spoken to each other, kindly at that, so you think you can allow a moment of unfamiliarity.

Seokmin says, “I want to apologize to you.”

You blink at him a few times, watching as he looks down at his feet and then back up to you. “I’m sorry I freaked out at you like that. I don’t know… what it was like, dealing with it, for you, and it was wrong of me to act like that. I guess I had just been waiting a really long time to hear you say it, and you said it at the worst possible time.”

You barely register it. Seokmin looks at you and you notice that his roots have grown in, and then you see the sun from your living room window shining onto his back, and it feels like silk, the knowledge, like a breath of fresh air. You clench and unclench your hands and feel it. “You…” you start, but you don’t even know what you’re going to say. You remember Ashley. “Wait, but - Ashley?”

Seokmin takes a step closer to you and you wait. “I broke up with her the day after you left,” he tells you. “I knew I needed to but I also knew I’d need some time afterwords, too… so that’s why I’m here now.”

It feels like shock, like your entire body is weighted down, because even - even with everyone always asking about when you’d start dating, even with it being so long now that you’ve loved him and known of it, even when Seokmin is standing in front of you, it feels surreal. You barely notice that there’s little space between the two of you, and you wonder who moved and how fast.

“Is this it?” You ask him, soft, reaching up to put your hand against the side of Seokmin’s face. He leans into it. “Is the timing finally right?”

His hand falls over yours. “I think so,” he murmurs, lips pressing a kiss against your palm. His fingers move over your own before intertwining them together, the afternoon sun dressing both of you in gold and you can’t think, can’t do anything but look at Seokmin. You lean up, closer to him, a question. He pulls you closer as an answer. “No more waiting.”

His kiss feels like a million unsaid words.

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jikookpancakes · 3 years

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JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it

#jikook #kookmin #jikook fic rec #bts #jimin #jungkook #there's some that i wanna include but they're gone from ao3 now so sad #lesson: read these while you still can #i have so much more saved to read omg #i shall return with a part 2 #fic rec

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honorguk · 3 years

Text

dating➔ jeong jaehyun

» navigation | REQUESTED

what it’s like to date jaehyun from NCT (based on my assumptions)

────✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰*.:｡✧*.｡:｡*.｡✱ ────

─ • OVERALL:

it was most likely johnny that introduced you two to each other

honestly, probably started off as FWBs and he couldn’t help but fall for you

the type to tag you in the bottom right corner of his instagram pics

buys you vinyls + listen to Cigarettes After Sex together as you dance in the living room

he spoils you with shopping trips like every weekend

him singing in the shower whenever he’s at your place

you bringing the boys takeout and watching them rehearse

and they all attack you with hugs as a ‘thank you’

you two decide to keep the relationship secret for a while because “it’s more exciting”

after you got together, both of you suddenly got too shy to do anything

like you lot barely held hands

thank god you were invited to a double date by one of your friends, and you and jaehyun got much closer when you started teasing the other couple about their cringy PDA

and then you both got to the car and didn’t even realise you were holding hands the entire time

whenever he drives, his hand is surely on your thigh

jamming VERY LOUDLY to songs literally anywhere (and sharing air pods uwu)

he’s a bit cold at first because he isn’t used to fully expressing his romantic emotions, but you should expect a few song lyrics dedicated to you

and also he’ll bring you cut up fruit to show his appreciation and love :3

honestly you guys have the type of love that grows the more you guys are together

and he makes it obvious as well by being the best boyfriend he can be <3

─ • DATES YOU GO ON:

aants to make everything seem like a kdrama

‘long walks by the river side’ is like your go-to date idea - the man could write a fantastic tinder bio

window shopping in the evening, and he always mentally takes note of the items that you really want so he can spoil you with them later on

sharing airpods while walking too (...and obviously having cigarettes after sex playing, making him feel very very very in love)

getting froyo while walking hand in hand so that neither of you can actually eat it

just a lot of walks, really

he takes hella pictures of you as well - really eager to show you off on his instagram <3

─ • PET NAMES:

‘darling’ ‘babe’ kinda guy

also swings his arm around your shoulder when he says it (the fuckboy agenda even more accentuated if he’s wearing a reverse snapback)

“awh come on, princess” is the way he (begs) asks for things

often call each other by name, and you’re not sure if to call him jaehyun or yoonho

he doesn’t care on the names as long as you still have him saved on your phone as ‘babe’

─ • WHILE ON TOUR:

he can’t keep his hands off his phone

he HAS to send you updates - if you ask for something, you receive it, always

cyber sex 105%

and one of the members always knocking on his hotel room door when you two are doing it

“yuta, kindly fuck off!”

besides that, johnny or yuta or haechan will always invade your video calls and steal the phone

(jaehyun gets a lil jelly when you spend more time talking to taeyong than him)

he’ll snatch the phone away and sarcastically smile at tae and then go to another room, usually the bathroom lmao

you guys can talk for hoursssssss but jaehyun can easily disappear for a week and it’s calm

because after all, he’s extremely busy and wants to do his best as an artist

video calls and update texts when he’s getting his hair and makeup done, constantly showing off his stage outfits to you :3

─ • ARGUING/MAKING UP:

not the type to get angry, really

jaehyun prefers to sit down with some coffee and calmly talk it out with you whilst stroking the back of your hand

he’ll only get riled up because you think he looks hot when he’s angry, and he knows that

and that means it leads to fucking, which always solves the issue

or he will get genuinely angry because you’ve genuinely gotten on his last nerve after a really long day, but that’s rare since he tries his best to keep his emotions under control

although his appearance is really cold, his heart breaks if he sees your eyes turn glossy, let alone see you cry

he’d instantly sigh - at himself, at the situation - and come over to hug you, and you’d burst to tears

and that’s the third way you guys solve things

if you made him upset, you’d buy a few snacks and a bottle of wine before coming round to the dorms to see him with it

(and of course he’d forgive you)

going to bed angry happens on rare occasions too, but only if the reason was enough

but it’s always cuddles and hugs and apologised and a few tears when you’re making up, which is always welcome :)

─ • NSFW:

a dom, straight through his bones my guy

morning sex, midnight sex, kitchen sex, living room couch sex, jungwoo’s bed sex -- ya’ll have been around everywhere and with no shame

literally his sex drive is insane, and it’s very obvious

a true show off with his dancer hips, very likely to give you a semi-strip tease

risky as fuck too

not too into exhibitionism, but likes leaving barely-visible marks to show people you are his

expect helllaaaa hickeys and bites and bruises - you’re HIS

doesn’t degrade you unless you ask for it, and jaehyun does an amazing job hehe

pulling your hair and manhandling you is nearly always a must, plus a hand around your neck or fingers in your mouth

aftercare can be soft or not be there at all - depends on the mood

if it’s angry sex, he’ll probably shoot and scoot but he’ll always come back later for a cuddle

otherwise he’ll run the hot water and you shower together

sex in your household is DIRTY and MESSY as it should be.

buys you lingerie <3

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infernal-fire · 3 years

Text

Just The Benefits (1/2)

Pairings: dark!Steve x you

Warnings: smut, slight overstimulation, dark!Steve, dark!Nomad!Steve

Later in the series: noncon, breeding kink, slight degradation kink, slight praise kink, mentioned dark!Tony, dark!Bucky

Please do not interact with this blog if you are under 18. Your media consumption is your responsibility.

Summary: Y/N wanted the benefits and nothing more. That was the agreement… right? Steve decides it’s not enough.

Word Count: 1600

A/N: This is my first ever fic! I’m really hoping you’ll enjoy this but I also appreciate all feedback <3 I’m planning a second instalment for the fic, which will be longer than this one. I’m out here pretending like someone is going to read this.

Nomad!Steve is the most attractive Steve and you can talk to a wall if you disagree.

(This GIF does not belong to me)

It was convenient. The idea of no strings attached was that it was always supposed to be easy and mutually beneficial. You were enjoying the life of an Avenger and there’s no need to add anything to the mix.

That’s how you found yourself under Steve’s mercy every week. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t feel anything for him but right now, all you could think about was making sure you didn’t tap out from his girth.

You were bent over his king-size bed, stuffed full of his cock. He cooed praises into your ears and took on a languid pace. He pressed your head down with one arm, wiping your tears on the sheets, wrapping the other around your waist. His cock was moving in and out of you like a piston, making a squelching noise that your loud moaning drowned out.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to speed up” he moaned, and you whimpered in response. His speed had you lurching forward on every thrust, the room reverberating with the sound of skin slapping.

His cock repeatedly battered your cervix, which was becoming more sensitive by the second. You cried out as your eyes crossed and your muscles went limp, the crashing waves of your orgasm possessing you.

“That’s it, baby, cream my cock. I’m so close.” his grunts filled your ears as he leaned over you. The hand that was holding your head made its way to your neck and he pulled you up flush against him while the other hand began toying with your engorged clit. You were full-on crying from the overstimulation now; he hadn’t slowed down since you came. You were on your tippy-toes, trying to alleviate the pressure on your abused cunt.

After a few more thrusts, he pushed in one last time and squeezed your body before giving you some experimental thrusts. He pulled out and held your almost-passed-out frame by the hips and lifted you onto the bed.

“Jesus Y/N was I too rough?” You weakly shook your head as you closed your eyes and held his hand. He tucked you into his sheets, tossed the condom across the room and rounded the bed, settling beside you.

“Y/N?”

“Yeah?” you mumbled.

He paused as if he were pondering what he was going to say. In reality, he began taking in your naked, tired form that looked unreal yet ethereal on his bed. With your back to Steve, you had no idea he was feasting on the sight in front of him.

“What is it?” the slight raspiness of your voice alluded to your exhaustion.

“I don’t want to be friends with benefits anymore.”

You turned around to face him and propped yourself up on your elbow. The surprise of his statement was overriding your body’s pleas to sleep.

“Did I… do something?” You were honestly unsure of what to say.

He paused again. “It’s not enough for me. I know we came into this saying no strings attached but I care way too much for you.”

You weren’t sure what you were expecting but it certainly wasn’t that. Steve took your silence as a cue to continue.

“I think I love you. No, I-I know I love you. I want the whole thing with you, not just sex. I’m tired of pretending I’m okay with just sex. You know, I had feelings for you before you agreed to this. I had a feeling you might not say yes to a serious relationship so I proposed this arrangement.”

His speech initially started with uncertainty but as he spoke, he became sure of himself. He was sure you would agree. You two were perfect together and there was no denying it in Steve’s mind.

You got out of bed and began rummaging through the clothes strewn on the ground.

“I cannot believe you asked me to do this with your feelings involved. That was very manipulative and…” you trailed off. Did you want this? No. He messed with you. You affirmed it to yourself and picked up the rest of your clothes. “You were manipulative and this isn’t going to happen anymore. I told you I didn’t want a relationship to cloud my judgement with my missions.”

“Where are you going?” he began getting out bed, panic slightly evident in his voice.

You weren’t going to cry. But you were slightly hurt that he had a hidden agenda and that you were too stupid to not notice it. You turned to leave before he gripped your forearm.

“I know you’re angry, but you want this too.” He towered over you. The unexpected calm in his voice was unsettling.

“You’re scaring me, please let go.” He let you break out of his hold.

“FRIDAY, lock my doors and don’t open unless I say so,” he commanded.

He was beginning to chip at your resolve but you were determined to not show it. You glared at him again instead.

“FRIDAY, contact Tony and tell him Cap locked me in his room.”

He stared at you and stared back. Under the façade of toughness, you were crumbling and scared out of your mind. You didn’t want to stay and find out why he locked the door. What could he do when the entire team would question your whereabouts the next day?

The seconds stretched on before he finally spoke again. “You’re making a mistake. You want this.”

“Tony has overridden your request, Steve. Y/N, the door is now unlocked.” FRIDAY called out.

You turned and speed-walked out of the room, not turning back to look at Steve who was now lowly chuckling to himself.

He wondered if you really thought this was the end of this conversation.

You turned to your missions to help you cope with the loss of one of your best friendships. You give men a little bit of space in your life and they think you owe them the world. Worst of all, you should’ve seen this coming. Little touches, smiles that always reached his eyes and hugs that lasted a little longer they should. Not mentioning walking you to your room after training, making your breakfast and taking special care of you after a particularly difficult mission. You were truly a fool for not realizing it sooner.

Everyone is scared of something, even the Avengers. For you, it was this new side of Steve. You weren’t even sure how to act around him anymore. The relationship was on the low and not many people knew about it; Bucky knew for sure, and now, Tony must have an idea as well. Tony didn’t ask you why Cap locked you in your room. That should have been the first red flag that your teammates weren’t on your side.

You proceeded as if things were normal around Steve and he did too. There was no reason not to, right? He just acted out because of the rejection, you thought to yourself.

All the Avengers sitting down for dinner was a rare occurrence, but this particular Friday, there was a crowd in the dining room of the compound.

You were happy today. Your paperwork had been a breeze and you had a good weekend planned for yourself. Around the table, Tony, Rhodey, Thor were bickering, Clint and Nat were silently observing while Steve and Bucky were engrossed in a private conversation of their own.

“After dinner, we should play a game” Sam piped up through a mouthful. Clint snickered to himself and Sam continued.

“I’m serious, we should play truth or dare… something like that. I barely know anything about you guys, minus things like your favourite way to take a target out.”

“I think it should stay that way” Nat slightly grinned and continued eating.

“Honestly, I agree, I feel like I know nothing about you guys,” you commented, wiping your mouth and clearing your empty plate. Tony grabbed it for you and made his way to the sink. “I wasn’t aware that we were in high school. But tell you what; hide and seek would be interesting with this crowd.” Tony contemplated before finishing his thought: “Barnes and Romanoff should try to find us. That would be a kicker.”

“That sounds a lot better than truth or dare. I’m game” Nat said before getting and stretching. Bucky quietly chuckled and everyone began to clean up the table.

“So this is really happening?” Rhodey laughed as everyone made their way to the living room.

Bucky and Nat stood in front of everyone and negotiated rules. You smiled to yourself, thinking about how blessed you were to be a part of something so amazing.

“Okay then, 5 minutes to hide and 30 minutes to be found. If you’re found you have to do their paperwork for a week.” Clint finalized and everyone nodded.

“Alright, off you go,” Nat said before settling into a couch, observing everyone that scrambled off.

Thor looked lost, unsure where to go. He rarely stayed at the compound. You pointed him in the direction of the gym before racing past and making your way to your spot. There was a supply closet that you had a feeling Nat wouldn’t bother checking. Bucky knew of it, but you had a back-up escape route in mind if he decided to look there. You got to the closet and silently slipped in before sliding the door closed and settling into the corner. After a few minutes, you heard light footsteps that became louder. It hadn’t been 5 minutes yet. Whoever was coming to your spot, you were prepared to tell them to buzz off before the closet door opened to reveal Steve.

He stepped in and closed the door behind him.

Part 2

Masterlist

Tagging some people I want to be friends with 🥺

@smutsonian @imanuglywombat @nastybuckybarnes @candy-and-writing @speechlessxx @mariessecretfantasies @mypoisonedvine @harryspet @nsfwsebbie @cherienymphe @imdarkinme @ironlady1993 @darkficsyouneveraskedfor @sherrybaby14 @mcudarklibrary

#dark!steve x you #dark!steve rogers #dark!steve smut #dark!steve x reader #dark!steve #dark!tony #dark!tony stark #dark!bucky barnes #dark!bucky smut #dark!bucky #dark!bucky x y/n #dark!bucky x you #smut #mcu #darkmcu

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chisheya · 3 years

Text

hanahaki disease [niragi x reader x chishiya] highschool au!

Summary: love is reckoned to make us powerful; not susceptible - as much as i tried to convince myself that. as much as i tried to stay strong; tough and heroic, enough to risk it all and let my emotions surge on the exterior. strong enough to be crushed yet again, to love and be loved again - knowing my fragility.

i’ve known the agony and lament sufficiently enough that it demolished my sanity, left my soul burning away, gradually fading into ashes and disappearing like dust under the moonlight’s breeze. and the funny unfunny part is - i wish i had told him, perhaps one day i will.

‘‘I have loved you since I first laid eyes on you. My love bloomed like a flower in my chest.’‘

Tag list: (if you want to be tagged, let me know because the previous post got deleted for some weird reason lol)

Word count: 2.5k

The sun's soft twinkles crawl over house rooftops, and in an early hour, despite it, it still felt like a chilly morning. Early as it is, the neighborhood was caught up with parents rushing with their children, some going to work, some even rushing late. Thankfully, the riots of youngsters were vetoed by the sound of Supermassive Black Hole by Muse playing through my earphones. I was deliberately walking down the alley on my way to school, gripping the hem of my uniform and cursing to myself that this skirt was of no use to at least keep my legs warm.

The reckless gust reaching from my left side provoked me to jump out of my skin, revolting me from my daydream.

‘’God's sake-’’ I turn my head only to see Chishiya standing next to me, with a smirk on his lips. The sudden view of him caused me to blush, as my brain screamed oh-look-your-crush. Although you could rarely see this guy smiling and being friendly, his agenda was incompatible. Clever, crucial, and cunning as he is, he always had a special place in my heart. Why, you ask? I'd love to know that too... Maybe because he has been my friend since forever.

''You must be that cold, huh,'' Chishiya says sarcastically. ''Y-yeah.'' I murmur, ''anyway, again one of early practicals at the hospital today?'' ''Correct.''

''Yikes,'' I add, clicking my tongue, ''good luck.''

''Have you decided if you'll stay here in Tokyo?'' Chishiya pops a question, clearing his throat, as his face remains immersed on the boulevard in front of us. ''Huh, what do you mean?'' I add, looking up at him, wishing he'd look back at me. But he never does...

''For university.'' ''Oh, that,'' is all I say, before taking the next few seconds to think what to proceed with, ''yeah, Tokyo - I guess, still not sure yet.''

''It better be Tokyo or I'm disowning you.'' He says in a stern voice, delivering it with a smirk as he quickly runs his hand through my hair, resulting in becoming a mess.

''Hey!'' I chuckle, about to return the favor but he succeeded to grab my wrist and stop me just on time. Shucks.

Chishiya and I have been friends since childhood, as our dads have been friends since their early school days as well. He's in his third year in med school and I'm about to graduate in less than a month and enter university in few months. Not to mention, living close enough in the same neighborhood visiting Shuntaro's family every Sunday for dinner was a ritual that my dad, Aguni, and I couldn't stop doing. My mother has had enough of Tokyo so she decided to leave for England. Yeah, pretty simple...it has only been dad and me since. Not like I regret staying with dad, and if there was the father that would win The Dad of the Year award, it would be him. Playing cards meanwhile drinking wine was a post-dinner ritual for our dads, later through time, Chishiya joining them as well. In most cases, I'd end up just observing how they play and anticipating who's going to win. From Aguni being the best to, Shuntaro's dad, a few years later as Chishiya evolved enough his cunning games he beat them in it. He became a card game master, no jokes.

I didn't notice it has come for the time for us to go different paths, as my school was in the complete opposite direction.

''So,'' I murmur, stopping and turning to face him, ''I guess time to say goodbye.''

''Good luck, kid.'' He says, giving me a soft smile. Ah, if he only knew how something so insignificant and minor to him has such a consequence on my heart. But he never will though. As I know, what we are and what we are not.

I just smiled as I watch him turn his back on me and leave first. He always leaves first. I stayed few more seconds as his figure slowly fades of to distance I get ready to go my way.

⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟

After the last class, I choose to go to a nearby library to catch up on some assignments. The library is a soft of the enormous coffee shop yet one can stay all day and feel good even if one buys nothing at all. That's the discrepancy. It is a place of welcome for everyone rather than for "customers." This is not a money-nexus venue yet a love-nexus space, and that makes it a real treasure in this city.

I was relinquished and dazzled by the book in front of me, until the moment someone’s voice yanks me out of my thoughts.

''Since classes are over, want to grab lunch?'' I feel a hand placing softly on my left shoulder as a soft boyish voice peaks behind me.

''Niragi,'' my lips stretch in a smile as I embrace my best friend in a hug, ''of course, you mind if Chishiya tags along as well?''

''Oh,'' he mouths, providing it with a vague look, as I feel him stiffen up a bit and breaking the hug before proceeding, ''Chishiya..too?''

''Yeah!''

''Sure,'' he says, providing it with a soft smile, ''definitely..''

''Great, I'll let him know then.''

⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟

Niragi and I walked after school side by side, on the way to Shibuya where we agreed to meet up with Chishiya. As we have arrived early, we stand by a big poster advertisement. I gently lean my back onto it, facing the industrious avenues of Shibuya wandering with people. Niragi, leaning as well, right next to me.

''So, have you decided? Is it going to be Tokyo or London?''

''Hm,'' I murmur as his question breaks me out of my trance, ''regarding studies?'' He nods.

''Honestly, not sure,'' I hesitate, before proceeding, ''but I'd love to stay in Tokyo.'' This was not a lie, but London on the other hand, was just an excuse in case my health gets worse. An agreement was made with my dad that it'd be best to stay there with my mom and focus on getting better.

''Tokyo.'' I sigh, still caught up thinking what if I have to end up having to go back to London. What do I do then? And more importantly, what do I tell them? The minor, simple thought of lying to the people I deeply care about stings.

''And you?''

''Tokyo,'' he says softly while looking down, smiling - as the thought if he had something that binds him to dwell in this city, ''I already got accepted in for game engineering.''

I knock him softly on top of his head, standing on my tippy toes. Though he was portrayed as the delicate and sweet guy he is, he was taller than both Chishiya and me.

''Ouch,'' he exclaims as his hand rests on top of his head, my action catching him off guard, ''why did you do that?''

''Why haven't you told me, little idiot?''

''I planned to,'' he giggles, a wide smile as I've never seen scattering across his delicate features, ''I was waiting for you to confirm you got in your desired major as well.''

Yeah, I have, Niragi. It's just that I might not even be able to go because of my health. The phrases, the verdict, that I desired I could have mouthed out. But I couldn't, not now. Not when we're about part ways, and the way I want to remember these recollections is by them as their happy-selves, us cycling through alleys of Tokyo, eating noodles in the park during chilly nights, by city lights as the background noise of crickets was vetoed by our laughter. The recollections, moments I'll protect in my psyche permanently.

I just remained silent, looking at my friend as he was smiling and looking off to distance till he started waving to someone. I shift my gaze only to see Chishiya's figure approaching us, hands in his pockets as usual.

''Hello there, peasants.'' Chishiya teases, as he finally approaches us.

''Excuse me, lord Shuntaro.'' Niragi scoffs at him, crossing his arms.

''So where will we head to?''

''Whoa, Morizono, not even embracing your friend in a warm hug and you're already talking about eating,'' Chishiya says falsifying pain in his voice, ''I'm hurt.''

''Chishiya,'' I let out, rolling my eyes at his statement, ''I know you don't do hugs.'' I proceed, nudging his forearm slightly, hoping that the warmth I felt growing in my cheeks wasn't showing.

''Fuunji or Ichiran Shibuya?'' Niragi says, clicking his tongue.

''Fuunji,'' I mutter, at the same time as Chishiya adds, ''Ichiran.'' Our eyes met instantly as we both realized our choices were different.

Do I have to mention that I'm probably already blushing? No, because heck - yes I am.

Oh boy, here we go. Let him have his way, Y/N.

As you always do.

''You know what, let's go to Ichiran,'' I exclaim, looking in between my best friends waiting for them to agree.

''Ichiran it is,'' Niragi exclaims.

A little while later, our food has finally arrived. The moment it lands on the table, Niragi digs at his sweet and sour soup and pulls out all the cubes of carrot. I don't say anything, I really couldn't care less about table manners and there's always something interesting going on in his head. Chishiya calm and collected as he is, starts eating at a slow pace. After swallowing his first bite, he breaks the silence, ''we must go somewhere to celebrate your birthday, Y/N.''

''I'm not sure-''

Niragi peeks up at me with sticky fingers in his mouth. Meanwhile, Chishiya adds, through the mouthful, that I could just about make out the name "Kyoto."

As my mouth was full of food as well, I just nod seriously.

"That's a great idea, Chishiya. I never thought of that." Niragi grins, still with the fingers in his mouth, then he scoops them up and lines them neatly next to his stocking.

Chishiya holds out a cup of soju, "for Y/N." Niragi's hand comes over and snatches it up, his grin as wide as his cheeks will stretch, and scatters back.

Chishiya and I just exchanged looks, laughing at his silliness.

We drank soju, we were already merry and full, we told the most terrible of jokes. That was us. Casual, informal, yet caring enough to make the time we spend together joyful.

⋞ 〈 ⏣ 〉 ⋟

After grabbing lunch with Chishiya and Niragi, I headed straight home. The thought of visiting Kyoto for my birthday with them was still bouncing on my mind. The thing is, how to bring it up to Aguni? Hm? As loving and fond as he is of both of them, the thought of sending his only daughter away with two boys on a trip probably sounded far away from a brilliant idea. Sigh, I guess it'll take a lot to convince him.

''Dad, I'm home!'' I exclaim, meanwhile closing the doors behind me and taking off my shoes in the hallway.

''Someone's back home early, huh?'' Aguni says chuckling, as he plants a soft kiss on my forehead.

''Yup, something smells delightful,'' I say, meanwhile slapping my hands in excitement and taking my seat.

''Ah, you sneaky,'' He adds, taking the seat as well across me, ''it's your favorite - pad thai chicken wok.''

''So,'' I began, meanwhile randomly picking food with chopsticks in my plate, ''I have a question.''

''Yes?'' Aguni murmurs, mouthful, gazing up at me. ''So you know that my birthday is next week...'' I say awkwardly, placing my chopsticks gently on the table.

''Of course, how would I forget my daughter's birthday?'' He scoffs, butthurt that his daughter thinks he's that forgetful.

''No, of course not.'' I chuckle, ''but I did want to ask you something, uh...''

''Go ahead, silly.''

Just say it. Now or never. And I do - ''I've been thinking of visiting Kyoto with Chishiya and Niragi-''

''Not happening.''

''But-''

''You? On a trip? With two boys?'' his voice stern as he glares up at me, causing me to swallow, ''you must be out of your mind to think I'll let you, Y/N. Boys your age are wild.''

''No, there's going to be more of other friends...too, from school.'' I start, slightly panicking as I was also trying to think of the ways to get him to approve, ''not just Chishiya and Niragi, although you know they're my closest friends.'' I proceed further, looking around the food on the table, as I noticed he has almost cleared out his plate, and yet there was still chicken left in mine. Splendid, a perfect way to bribe him now.

''Plus,'' I mutter, as I start taking out the chicken from my plate, putting on his, his eyes now fully focused on that chicken, ''I know you trust them enough to protect me if anything happens, right?'' I grin, awkwardly.

''Only because they are aware who's your father and someone not to mess with.'' He adds, still not convinced enough, but still taking the small pieces of chicken with his chopsticks.

''Uh, yeah,'' I murmur, as I watch him, eating up those last few pieces of chicken as if they are his last, ''beside your protectiveness, what do you think?''

''Y/N, you've forgot one thing.'' Aguni says with a serious tone, placing down his chopsticks.

''What?'' I question, acting dumb. Expecting him to answer, he just remains silent and gives me an even worse glare now, ''doctor's appointment,'' I add, ''come on, it doesn't have to be next week as well. Just check with them if they can postpone it.''

He preserves silent, still staring up at me with a serious look on his face. Sigh.

''A trip with my friends is more important. Not to mention, it's our last as we're all parting ways soon because of university.''

''To you. But to me, your health is more important Y/N.''

''I...understand, dad,'' I sigh, looking up at him, falsifying a smile, ''but look at me, I'm feeling fine. I've never been better.''

''Same as you claimed in the past, until it happened again and I was close to losing you forever.'' He asserts, this time his voice louder than before.

''Dad...cheer up,'' I exclaim, as I reach out my hand, placing it on top of his, ''it's...just because it happened then, doesn't mean it will happen again.''

''You don't know that. Your condition is serious-''

''I'll take care of myself. Alright?'' I murmur, squeezing his hand, ''please, can I go?''

''Alright, alright. Under one condition, take care of yourself and as soon as you get back we're going to the doctors. Promise?''

''I promise.'' I holler, lunging from my seat to hug him before storming off to my room. As soon as I shut the door behind me, I lean my back on it.

There was an eerie sentiment I felt within, a good sort though - just not sure for what exact reason yet. It felt like it was the calling card of an adventure, paths awaiting, what will transpire. Whatever was ahead could be a great challenge, and there could be tears, but it was an exploration to take and so I smiled. The inklings would come, perhaps when I’d least expected it, so I’m ready to take this leap of faith.

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itsallyscorner · 3 years

Text

Blindsided

Pairing: Sam Wilson x reader

Summary: What happens after it’s announced that John Walker’s the new Captain America.

Warnings: none; a bit suggestive at the end? This is my first time writing for Sam so if it’s a bit meh, I’m sorry, I tried😭 Lots of dialogue!!

A/n: This is a bit of a short one, but I hope you like it:) I know this isn’t how he found out in TFAWS but ya know :D Also hate the character NOT the actor, don’t hate on Wyatt Russell😤

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

“Look, here’s the thing, uh, I’m—I’m not Tony Stark. I’m not Dr. Banner. Okay? I don’t have the flashiest gadgets, I don’t have super strength. But what I do have—is guts.”

John Walker’s voice bounces off the walls of the cozy Louisiana apartment you and Sam shared. With the saved money you both had, you guys managed to purchase a decent apartment. Being two of the known remaining Avengers, your landlord was quite flexible with rent. Having the two of you in his building was like having built in security.

The apartment was just right for you and Sam. There was a living room, a kitchen, two bedrooms, and a bathroom. You both didn’t need much. As long as you had each other, you were both satisfied. Besides, with Sam working with the Air Force on missions, you managed to get roped into following along—which meant you two weren’t always home.

The morning sun shined through the window of your living room, reflecting onto one of the white walls across from it. The sun created an orangey yellow hue to fill the room, radiating the warmth and cozy aura of a sunny Louisiana morning. Though compared to the domestic and calming aura, Sam was the complete opposite. You couldn’t see his facial expressions but the way his shoulders tensed from behind was enough to tell you that he was upset.

After a week (I’m honestly not sure) of donating Steve’s shield to the Smithsonian, it’s been revealed that the government has taken the shield and handed it to some—in your eyes—Steve Rogers wannabe. As someone who’s worked alongside Steve and consider him as family, it angered you to see some random man parade around the world with Steve’s shield and title. This Walker dude has no clue of the responsibility and value that comes with the shield—like seriously using halftime of a football game as an opportunity to pull a PR stunt as Captain America? He’s literally just America’s mascot.

Though you were bubbling with anger, you couldn’t imagine how your boyfriend felt. Steve gave him the shield, passed down the role of Captain America to him and sent him off to fulfill the duties he couldn’t do anymore. Yes, Sam made a promise, but after dabbling with the thought of becoming the new Captain America he decided to give it up. You weren’t going to question him, it was his choice and you understood why he made it. Nobody could fill Steve’s shoes.

You turn the stove off, deciding to check on Sam instead of continuing breakfast. The clip of John Walker was still playing on the tv when you enter the living room. You get a glimpse of his face, betrayal filled his eyes as he glowered at the tv screen. You carefully make your way towards him, settling beside him on the couch. He glances at you before shoving his head in his hand.

“Sam...” You wrap an arm around his back, your palm feeling the tension build between his shoulders.

“He trusted me with the shield.” He began, his voice low. “He trusted me with it and now it’s in the hands of—whoever this person is.” He gestures to the tv that showed John Walker speaking to a blonde interviewer.

“Steve believed in me to carry on his legacy and I just threw it away because I was being selfish.” He fumed, his tone raising. He shot off the couch and moved to pace around the living room. You sigh, giving him a moment to get his thoughts together. You patiently waited for him to calm down, watching him mutter sentences to himself under his breath.

Slowly, you get up from the couch and approach him. Deciding to stand in the way of his path, he comes to a halt. The conflicted expression on his face softens at the sight of you.

“Listen,” You start, arms snaking around his torso while his hands naturally grip onto your hips. “You didn’t know the government was going to go behind your back and deem someone else as Captain America. None of us were expecting this to happen. You can’t beat yourself up for something you didn’t have control of.”

Sam breathes out and tries to move out of your arms. Betrayal and guilt consumed his body.

“That’s the thing, (y/n). If I hadn’t given up the shield in the first place, we wouldn’t even be in this situation right now. I had control of all of this, even if I didn’t know about their hidden agenda.” He bursted out, brows furrowing together in frustration. You tighten your arms around him.

Sam defeatedly lowers his head, “This whole thing is so much more than me being blindsided by the government. I promised Steve that I’ll do my best. He trusted me and in return I broke my promise to him. I let Steve down.” He confessed. Silence filled the room, the only sounds heard were the quiet murmurs coming from the tv.

You were the first to speak. “Steve made mistakes too you know? Besides being a super soldier and all, it’s what made him relatable to everyone. Before he became Captain America, he was just like us. Humans who wanted to do good for the world and bring peace to its chaos.” Your words caught Sam’s attention, although he was a bit confused to where you were going with them.

You continued, “Like almost every human in the world, he learned from those mistakes. Yes, you may have had control of the current situation we’re in, but that doesn’t contradict the fact that you had no knowledge of what was happening behind the scenes. Steve chose to give you the shield for a reason, Sam. He knew that if something were to go wrong, you would be there in an instant to make it right.”

You shifted closer to him and cradled his jaw with both of your hands. “You gave up the shield and now it’s in the hands of the wrong man. I know you’ve always said that it feels like it belongs to someone else. But would you rather it be in the hands of someone like John Walker or in the hands of someone Steve believes in? Are you gonna sit here and feel guilty about it or are you going to get up and make things right?”

Sam’s eyes bore into yours. Conflict flashes in his dark orbs, his jaw clenches, and his hands resting on your hips gripped onto your skin tightly.

“We’re gonna get his shield back.” He proclaimed.

A small smile forms on your lips, “One way or another.” You confirm.

Bonus:

“You know, you’re getting good at that whole speech thing.” Sam remarks, pulling you closer to him. That infamous toothy grin of his taking over his features.

You chuckle letting your hands venture on the expanse of his chest before wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Well I learned from the best. If there’s one thing I learned from Steve it’d have to be his way with words.” You shrugged. Sam hummed in response.

“If I’m gonna be getting that shield back, I’m gonna be needing some help on those speeches.” He says, a suggestive tone to his sentence.

You smirked, amusingly shaking your head at him. “Good think I know plenty of ways to get you to talk.” Sam takes that as his cue to connect his lips with yours. His eager hands wander your body as he leads you towards the couch.

Before things can escalate, you pull away and place a finger in between your and Sam’s lips.

“Not now hotshot, we’ve got a mission in a bit and we still need to stop by Sarah’s before we leave.” Sam doesn’t get the chance to object since you’ve already pushed him off of you. Your hips swayed as you made your way back into the kitchen to continue cooking breakfast.

He stutters at first but chases after you going on about how much of a tease you were and how unfair it was to him and his needs.

“I told you I had plenty of ways to get you to talk.” You smirk, innocently shrugging at him.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

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binniesthighs · 3 years

Text

multifandom soulmate aus ✨

soulmate (n): a person ideally suited to another as a close friend or romantic partner.

✨ a/n: hello hello!! today on, “Ro’s self indulgent fics” ehehe i’ve been thinking a lot about some of my favorite kpop besties and how i feel like sometimes in a group, there’s the members who just stick like glue and it’s kinda like they were destined to meet that way! anyway hehe this concept is so fkn cute to me so i wanted to make some poly r-ship headcannons with some of my favorites!

➛ disclaimer: the pairings that i use are def not all inclusive of all “soulmate” pairings out there, just the ones i know of atm! also, i know some of these groups better than others, so some will be more specific, and others a little more general!

✨ groups included: stray kids, ateez, the boyz, monsta x, seventeen, txt, bts

✨ feedback is always appreciated! who’s your favorite?✨

➛maybe if we’re feelin’ spicy i can do a part 2 with the ones i haven’t done yet ;)

Pairing: idol x female reader x idol (see fandoms above!)

Genre: fluff n’ smut

Tags: established r/ship au, poly r-ship, sexual content (the usual stuff also including unprotected sex-please stay safe!) comfort ahhh, mentions of food alcohol

*all photocreds go to ops :)

both sfw and nsfw under the snip snip!

♡ chanlix ♡

sfw

omg where the hell do i start with chanlix we love our cannon soulmates

arguably the softest fkn pairing on this list; being soulmates with chanlix is like meeting your other halves (thirds?). there’s some serious destiny at work here!!

the three of you understand each other on a spiritual level--almost to the point where you could likely read their minds if you wanted to try haha. there’s also a really, really strong type of emotional intimacy that you share with them that’s out of this world.

this soulmate bond is so fkn strong, the three of you could go through any hardships and come out of it stronger than ever!

the three of you have cute lil nicknames for eachother that you thought up yourselves!

your families are close as heck! it’s really pure how by the three of you so many people can get close ahhh

i think that chanlix would be really into more outdoorsy dates? camping, swimming, hiking, sightseeing, stargazing, picnics etc! felix also loves taking you on food tours!

bc chan is chan, he really takes on such a protective role over you and felix, he would quite literally do anything for you two: forgot your notebook or documents on the way to work/school? he’ll drop everything to bring them to you. sad? he’ll get you your favorite food, tons of blankets, his hoodie to wear and your favorite movie/tv show to watch with you! if anyone hurts your feelings too he will square tf up.

felix is the world’s most adoring boyfriend in so, so many ways. not only is he such a cuddle bug, he shows you that he cares with tons of acts of service similar to chan! this comes in the form of his baking of course and other silly little gifts he sees that reminds you of him. he isn’t the best at words sometimes, but will soothe you by giving you a little massage or by playing with your hair!

nsfw

okay...😏 damn i’ve been wanting to write some poly chanlix so fkn bad ahhhh

once again i really see chan taking the lead in more intimate situations. he really likes giving directions and seeing both you and felix carry them out! honestly he gets a bit of an ego boost seeing the both of you all whiny and fucked out ahhh

here i come with my softsub!felix agenda oops hehe but this boy is frickin’ angelic for you and chan oml, he always asks for permission before he does things and eats praise up with a fkn spoon. praises alone really get him off: “does lixie like it when i play with his cute cock like this?”

there’s something that gets the three of you ridiculously amped when you do all kinds of roleplay scenarios FRICK some favorites are pet play (you and lix being the kitties) teacher/student, roleplaying strangers, sex slaves, artist/muse, oh my god there was a halloween where you once did vampire roleplay you still think about it 🤤

since the three of you are so comfortable with eachother, experimentation feels really safe! for example, the suggestion of shibari came up and now....let’s just say lix looks really pretty tied up ;)

chan’s got a huuuuge (cock) and size kink!! he really likes topping both you and lix and seeing a bulge omg.... also when he can bulge your throats mmmhm!

felix loves it especially when you ride his face, and he cold do it for hours! he looks so cute between your legs when he licks over and over your clit. he’ll ask you too if he’s doing good and you better say yes ;)

favorite position would be all cuddled up and cozy with the two of them double penetrating you real nice and slow with tons of kisses and just touchin’ all over

cockwarming cockwarming all day, every single time, without fail, it feels wrong if you finish without it!

♡ woosan ♡

sfw

idk why but the first thing that comes to my mind is that in certain settings, ya’ll are loud as fuck AHA i guess what i mean to say as that as a trio, you are all super, super unapologetic and confident when around each other! this might have lead to you getting kicked out of a couple bowling alleys and karaoke places before...

there’s a type of unspoken understanding that the three of you have that makes your bond so special. while you love eachother so dearly, it isn’t something that you really feel needs to be said out loud, it kind of just is!

woosan are already really clingy on their own and when you come along?? you all can’t keep your hands off each other!! ya know how in movies there’s the whole “hand in the back pocket of your jeans???” woosan!!

their energy together is so fkn chaotic but that's why you love them! they never fail to make you laugh and this is also the best way that they know how to cheer you up!

Bc the three of you are a bit unbridled, it’s a bit hard to be serious at times when you go on dates/hang out with friends together so often you get some affectionate eye rolls haha

wooyoung is someone that will try anything with you! hehe even if he knows that he mind not be that into it, he’ll still go with you! of course, he might say something snarky but he really does love just spending time with you! wooyoung also shares you with all his friends (changbin, yeonjun) so lowkey it feels like you’re one of the bros at times LOL

san is a big fan of giving you gifts! oh also! words of affirmation too, san is someone who knows your insecurities well, so hypes you tf up all the time!! he especially loves buying things for you that he knows you’ll look pretty in just so he can compliment you ahhh

at the end of the day however, there’s nothing more more that the three of you love than the tightest cuddles ever as you fall asleep! honestly, sometimes its a little too tight haha

nsfw

THESE BOYS FKN RAVISH YOU LIKE YOU’RE A FIVE COURSE MEAL

and of course they expect the same from you as well! i mean....can you blame them??? these boys are sexy as hell and they frickin’ know it!!

i have this super clear image of both of them stripping you down and rubbing massage oil all over your body and then giving you the turn to do it to them my lord...

sort of along this line, temperature play makes these boys feral. wax, ice, blowies with popsicles you name it

both of them really just like being touched all over because they have the prettiest dancer’s bodies and just feeling hands on their muscles makes them loose it.

wooyoung loves to mark the hell out the both of you in a really territorial way: all over your chests and necks even on your thighssss

san, while he often does find himself in sub space, really easily can switch to dom you in the most beautiful way. everything with him is really intimate and raw: if this wasn’t already obvious haha he would like have a hand kink and loves seeing the way that his fingers look pumping in and out of your entrance and how your juices look as well.

back too wooyoung, he’s the king of oral. whether it’s going down on you and sucking at your clit or deep throating with master level skill...foreplay is never boring with him!

in my brain, i can see the both of them filling nearly position so this makes for an interesting dynamic to say the least AHA

every once and a while, they’ll let you take complete control of the both of them while they just sit back and watch you with the most smug-ass grins that you’ll see in your life!

AH another thought: woosan fkn love when you squirt on them, in any way this might look: when you’re nearly screaming in your overstimulation they want it all over them.

favorite position would be 69 threesome style with all of your sloppy moans in-between <3

♡ moonbae ♡

sfw

HEAR ME OUT the king of soulmates that know that they are soulmates but don’t take it seriously in the slightest istg this is my most favorite dynamic ahhhh

there is not one dull day with these two boys, they’ll have you laughing in stiches until you can barely breathe like, the best kind of wheezy, silent laughter ya know what i’m talking about

INSIDE JOKES literally so many inside jokes with the three of you

Kevin is never scared to call your ass out, but that’s bc he knows you so well!! it’s all just jokes don’t ya worry ;)

Along this line, your groupchat like has some random-ass name that’s also an inside joke

Jacob on the other hand is the biggest sweetheart when it comes to you, boy frickin’ melts. There is not a day that goes by when he hasn’t told you he loves ya morning and night.

Also the best listener in the whole world, you can tell him anything and everything and he’s just sit and listen and give advice.

Kevin loves you a ton a ton but just shows it differently! He remembers all the little things about you that you tell him to the point it’s scary how he does it so well

Meme king Kevin would send you memes that remind him of you and Jacob

Lowkey i can see the both of them getting into the cutest petty arguments like which one of them you love more or think is more talented AHA again it’s all in good fun hehe

it goes without saying but...it’s cuddle central up in here.

THEY WOULD SERENADE TF OUT OF YOU oh my god it’s literally heavenly, Kevin would play piano and Jacob would play guitar FRICK

You have oddly specific dates?? Like they would pick a movie to go see that the three of you would all hate just to meme the whole time. Jacob would still get invested accidentally tho.

The way to both of these boy’s hearts is their stomachs so when you cook for them they would quite literally do anything for you

nsfw

ok ok so i’m a baby deobi so this is the gist of what i’m getting (i also did a little research LOL thank you @ deobi smutblr hehe)

firstly i would like to say that i’m manifesting thigh riding with Jacob and i literally can’t think of anything else for some reason just p h e w and BOY does he love it too he thinks its so fkn cute to watch you!

i get heavy, heavy switch vibes from Kevin with maybe some sub leanings??? either way, jacob def has soft dom vibes (oh god and occasional soft sub) to me but also has no problem with you taking control and doing what you like to him if that’s what you desire!

kevin is impatient impatient and does not do well with your teasing. also...loud as hell, like, sometimes you have to tell him that he needs to calm tf down hehe (but of course you love it when he gets like that)

separately, both of them are very different experiences i think: kevin is a fan of hard and fast, kitchen counter over the sofa type stuff sloppy toppy in risky places, and he loves to experiment too!

jacob is also really different where he likes much, much more slow and intimate stuff like missionary, shower sex, real atmospheric stuff like candles and nice scents ahhh BIG fan of really fluffy pet names too like baby, princess, angel etc. super visual too omggg gets hard when you strip for him i think ;)

together it’s a fkn whirlwind i’ll tell ya that. its like, honestly the most unique experience i can think of on this list because the two of them are so different. i will say that it can end up being really giggly and sweet tho!

when it’s the three of you, kevin’s dom side comes out a little more so you’re left with these two lovely boys who want to give you all the attention! it’s lowkey a competition lol

favorite position is when you’re sucking jacob off and kevin gets to do literally whatever the hell he wants with your pussy...i imagine that it might have to do a lot with edging if you ask me ;)

♡ jookyun ♡

sfw

oddly, i find myself soft af for jookyun and idk how to describe it haha (considering that they can often be hard as hellll)

the three of you are also really nonchalant, but this is really in the way that you just feel as if you’ve known eachother for a really long time!

as we know, jookyun were a bit of an enimies to lovers arc (AHA) so with the time that they’ve spent building their bond, it’s strong asf!

i like to think that jooheon and changkyun would really get a ton of artistic inspiration from you for their music. since both of them write and often reflect bc of this, you’re totally their muse! (they’ll write some nasty as hell lyrics thanks to you too LOL)

while our lovely thicc mx boys have unbridled confidence at times, really, they are babie. and they are frickin weak for your pampering.

because of this, the two of them would become flustered as all hell when you do lil things for them!! this could be making them some lunch or just giving them the off compliment that they look a lil extra handsome that day.

your safe place is with them!! ahhh i would also like to add the number of slick ass grabs when you’re in public is a bit off the chain at times ahah

the duality of this r/ship is really something to note LOL when you go out and about when the two of them you certainly get some stares bc they look a lil intimidating at times but when you and your boyfriends cuddle up on the subway you give all passerby's whiplash haahah

Kyun is someone who is insanely romantic. almost to the point that it is cheesy haha he’d treat the both of you to expensive ass dinners, beach vacations and maybe even matching couple’s jewelry like rings or bracelets!

jooheon on the other hand is a little more toned down haha but has another side to him that fkn swells with pride knowing how breathtaking you both are...frankly, his ego skyrockets knowing that he’s got you both for arm candy if this make sense teehee

the three of you call eachother “babe” interchangeably, so it can get a bit confusing when you’re all in the same place and someone says “hey babe?” you need a new nickname ooP

nsfw

hello and here i am to push the sub!changkyun agenda. first and foremost i would like to explain how this man is such a pillow princess with the most lovely bratty edge *sighs* all that kyun wants is for you to fkn use him and do literally whatever the hell you want!! this man daydreams about you riding him right then and there wherever the hell he is.

also, kyun is the king of toys, both using them on you and on himself! need i also say breath play as well in the same giving and receiving form? more than anything he loves it when jooheon wraps his hand around his neck hooooly ahhh he prefers it when you tease his tip with a vibrator until he’s angrily red and begging for you to give him a break just for you to bend down and give a kiss to his pearly head which makes him jolt

jooheon is often more of a soft to hard dom if you ask me and takes care of both you and kyun really well. also... he will manhandle the hell out of you if you feel up for it (cough cough your arm kink for him ) oh shit and his thighs....don't’ even get me started

while the three of you often opt for the hard and fast (even in some more risque places--such as in the recoding studio) there are really some more intimate times that you share too!

on one of changkyun’s vacations, in the middle of the night, when no one was in sight and the hot tub was free for use...it started out as a bit of making out but then turned into something else when you decided to straddle jooheon and he let his hands creep under the straps of your swimsuit...needless to say you were bouncing on both of their dicks while you were warmed by the crackling bubbles

at times, jookyun can get a little needy and impatient without you, so this has lead to a couple situations where you walk in on them letting out their frustrations ;) of course, immediately then they’d love for you to join!

kyun has an oral fixation too, sooo he may or may not love cockwarming with his mouth or sucking your fingers lightly when you go to suck his dick~

♡ junhao ♡

sfw

here me out with this one...but...there’s something really intimate about this relationship?? oh how to put this into words LOL junhao also have an insanely deep bond that really transcends if ya ask me haha

while they both can be really goofy around eachother when comfortable the soulmate vibes are just...immaculate! this is all i can say? all three of you are just so connected in the way that you accept each other for all that you are and just kind of naturally gravitate towards each other even before you really knew that there were romantic feelings involved!

first, i would like to say that out of all the pairings on this list, you three are classy as FUCK. seeing the three of you next to eachother is like seeing literally three models in the flesh. the way that you dress (sometimes even to match a little) is unbelievable bc you all just look so good?

hand holdingggg wherever you go! holding hands across cafe tables, playing with each other’s hands absentmindedly hehe

TRAVEL BUDDIES you would go anywhere with them and take tons of pics!! i mean the prettiest pics

hao shows his love for you in the form of so many things, all of which he makes himself!! you inspire his physical art and drawings which he shares with you and he also loves to take clothes too and personalize them for you!

jun on the other hand would take you to the studioooo and you could watch him danceee oh my gosh he’s literally so breathtaking and he would be dancing just for you with every curve of his body he’s so magical :’) then he’d ask you for feedback and you’d just be speachless...also loves to make you smile!! just being his goofy self he’s the best at it and thinks you’re so cute!

there’s a ton of adoration in this relationship! tons of cute little displays of skinship that might look like a poke in the cheek or the fluffing of their hair ahh

still, i feel like you would have kind of silly little nicknames for them that match their personalities and perhaps...you could have matching phone cases with these nicknames....

in this relationship there’s a ton of quiet moments that are really peaceful and indulgent such as watching sunsets, drinking wine together, just talking about life n stuff like that!

nsfw

hellz yeah we’re in for some more intimate-ass fuckin! but also....😏

this boys are kinky as shit but in like a really classy ass way lolll this is so hard to put into words.

well, i’ll start with junhui catboy agenda so there’s that hehehe he would most def be into pet play: that could be like ears or pretty collars and of course calling you (or him) kitten.

minghao is really versatile and doesn’t really like labels of dom and sub, he just does what he wants and what feels good to him! bc we’re talking about how intimate everything is, the kind of sex that you share with them is often never rushed but really purposeful and even planned sometimes!

i also see there being TONS of sensory items that would come into play with junhao such as flowers, fragrances, aphrodisiacs, all kinds of fabrics for sensory deprovision such as velvet, silk, hemp rope, and so much more!

BOTH OF THEM WOULD SOUND ANGELLIC i see hao as letting out really pretty soft moans that kind of trail on his tongue and jun sort of choking out gasps with a bit of a rasp to them when they cum or they feel turned on

oh god MIRROR SEX that's what i have to say about this

it doesn’t happen often, but sometimes when any one of you would be feeling needy or pent up they can certainly do hard and fast with you between the two of them. especially when this happens, oh my god hao loves it when you moan really breathily into his mouth when you’re pressed against him ooooh shit

and jun loves it when you bite into his shoulder too when he fucks you it just makes him feral

actually, i could really see the three of you recording yourselves, or even taking pictures when you have more intimate moments to look at later, just for your own enjoyment or to get off when you’re without the others

favorite position: hmmm mirror sex with you on top of minghao literally just kissing him and marking his body as jun eats you out until you’re dripping down to minghao’s cock which he jerks off too~

♡ yeonbin ♡

sfw

DON’T TOUCH ME IM SOFT

admittedly i don’t know too much about this pairing but i do know a lil so i wanted to add them!! i also did a lil research hehe

FIRST i would like to say that the three of you would without a doubt have the cutest puppy together, if not one, then two!! they would be little dogs with perfect haircuts and likely have their own instagram account which the three of you would run! they’d be instragram famous of course

LITERALLY EVERY DAY ITS A FIGHT OVER WHOS CUTEST i kid you not this is an ongoing battle you’re all just...so weak for the other ahaha

being in a relationship with them is like being in a relationship with your bestfriends!

dates with the two of them can really range all over the place bc you just like having fun together! movie dates, breakfast dates, ZOO OR AQUARIUM DATES, taking little trips to places you haven’t been before or stay at home dates like having a little indoor picnic!

soobin is really low energy, and would often opt to hang out with you at home or at a cafe while the two of you do your thing together! he lovessss when you bake or cook for him, literally whatever it is he’ll eat it!

his smile is instant serotonin and the reason why you fell in love with him! the two of them together all smiley is your lockscreen!

yeonjunie prefers going out with you clothes shopping and would DEF enable you to dye your hair a color that you’ve always been dying to do! he also loves showing you new music and blushes like heck when you tell him that you like the songs that he picks!

in their own playful ways too, they’d always call you out on your bs LOLL but they just wanna motivate you! they’re your biggest cheerleaders!

Deep down though, both of them are quite cheesy and would love to shower you with alll the stereotypical romance that you can take even if it makes all three of you cringe ahahah

nsfw

NEEEEDY and literally so mf horny on the dl like it’s comical to how soft and shy they can be in real life situations

oh my god this is a godly thought but i see both of them being both switchy as heck but not really bc they like how it feels to be in those different postions but literally....bc no matter what it is they are getting off lolll

i see both of them having sub leanings but can get real bratty if they’re feeling it.

yeonjun does have a dom side to him that just comes with his general confidence that he gets around you! when either of you beg from him he’s ready to let himself loose.

im so sorry but they literally handed pet play to me on a silver platter with cat & dog and there is no going back for me. SO you’re in for puppy, kitty and bunny play (shhhh yeonjun’s got his fox ears too)

WHY AM I THINKING ABOUT HOW ALL OF YOU WOULD LIKE THIGH HIGHS

both of them love being edged to high hell by you...no matter if it hurts...they kinda like it?

at the same time, both of your boyfriends also love giving you all the attention at times too! i’m talking about one of them playing with your breasts while the other trails kisses down your body all the way down to your pussy aching for attention too

FUCK this might be just me but soobin eating you out>>>> a GODLY sight.

i have this other fantasy of yeonjun with either lip piercings or nipple piercings or even a dick piercing someone plz tell me to calm down

oh please...bubble bath with the two of them holy shit baby pink bubbles all around you while you take turns givin’ each other cute kisses ahhhh

one more thing to the pile here would be hella mutual masturbation soo much of it. the three of you get off just simply watching eachother too and dirty talking how much you love the way the others look with hands rubbing themselves away with cute whiny moans~

♡ taekook ♡

sfw

omg! this is my first time remotely talking about bts on my blog hehe this is so exciting!! i don’t really read too much bts ff so this is going off of my own perception!

i just wanna say....there’s so much to unpack here LOL but like many of the soulmates on this list, these boys are ~whipped~ for you and eachother!! its so stinkin’ cute

another thing about these expensive boyfriends is that they loooove to sing for you too! they’d sing you to sleep, when you’re sick, sad, or just had a hard day allllways hehe

the three of you have sickeningly adorable nicknames for eachother, the kind that honestly make heads turn LOL

jk would without a doubt get tattoos with you!! and wine drunk lollll he’s also a huge enabler so if there’s anything that you’re considering buying or doing he’d hype you up so bad you barely have to think twice heheh

kinda like junhao they’d also make amazing travel buddies but less for the aesthetic, but for the luxury. you’d stay at amazing hotels and eat at Michelin star restaurants wearing luxury brands that they bought for you

i feel like this goes without saying, buuuut in this r/ship, its alll about the adoring glances from afar or even just right next to you bc they love you so much!!

i also get a very protective vibe from them as well, you’re very special to them, and they never wanna see you in harms way or disrespected by anyone! this could even look like having their arm around you on the bus or on the small of your back in a crowd

together, they’re the biggest jokesters and flirty as HELL they think that it’s so funny when they flirt out in public AGRESSIVELY just to make you a lil embarrassed hehe

forehead kissessss and kisses on the back of your hand!

nsfw

luxurious in this area tooooo

they would rent out the penthouse or presidential suite to make an evening for you and pull out all the stops: expensive champagne, lingerie selected just for you, a breathtaking view of the city ahhhh

ya all know how much i love my soft and intimateeee body touching and there would be plenty of this! they take their time undressing you and eachother and would plant kisses into the nape of your neck and shoulders as you do so!

i would like to contribute to this conversation sub!jk bc this is something that ahhhhh i really like to think about as well as soft dom tae bcccc why not heheh

these boys are utterly gorgeous under soft lighting and prowling all over your body too tho ahhh

BUT! imagine teasing the hell out of jk, barely letting him feel your mouth besides fleeting kisses while tae drives his hips into you from behindddd

in fact, these boys actually don’t mind a little voyeurism with the wide windows in your suite, opting to leave them open so there's a bit of thrill in the way that they fuck you too~

tae has a bit of...dare i sayyyy a power kink, so when you call him names such as sir, daddy, master etc oh boy

jk himself is bit into sensory dep specifically with blindfolds especially when its your hands travelling all around his body making him shiver.

both of them just looove cuming all over you as well: face, ass, thighs, belly, literally anywhere, they just think that you look amazing like that!

there are a couple times here and there when the three of you also do a bit of cam work together for other people to watch--although it isn’t often, you rake it in when you do so. the three of you are a perfect fantasy!

sex also can happen in odd places with you three too since you can just start feeling it and don’t really care ;) strangest place....hmm i’d say when you joined the mile high club with them~

~🌹~

Bunch of (Ro)ses!

@minaamhh @dazzlehoseok @synnocence @jjewibeans @hyunsluvv @unexceptional-h @bobawithchaitea @lechanters @sailorhyunjinz @silencefavarchive @lunarskzzz @yourdaddychan @bubblelixie @spnobsessedmemes @lmhmins @eunaeiekim

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darling-cas · 3 years

Text

Hoax (an original story)

I amaze myself sometimes.

My therapist says I need to go back to things that bring me joy, says I need to find happiest in life again. During one specific session, I was asked to name a time when I was truly at peace, a time I felt moments of pure joy outside of my partner and friends. The first thing that came to mind was a time years ago, when I would post stories here, on this website, for you all to see.

This surprised me honestly, because if you knew me personally (*cough* hi @ilikebigbooks-and-icannotlie *cough*) you would know the amount of stress and pressure I put myself under when it came to writing We Are Young, Whatever It Takes, etc, etc, etc. But despite all the negative emotions, the moments that always stand out to me is sitting on my laptop after I clicked post, watching all the love and adoration pure in from each and every one of you.

I say this monthly but, I really do want to get back into writing. Thanks to my therapist and business major partner, I’ve been dipping my toes into editing for others as a side job. But I want to make my way back to writing my own stories and sharing them with even the smallest corner of the world. This story, Hoax, I wrote actually one year ago, when I first started therapy and after a hard heartbreak. It helped me feel like myself again and lifted me out of the darkness.

I hope, for even the smallest number of you, it does the same. I hope you can feel the same magic that I felt when I wrote it. Take this as a thank you for, years ago, bringing me such joy and happiness.

Until next time...

Cas.

--------------------

The air was midsummer sweet.

It was an Indian summer of blue sky dreams and late evening tears, with the weather shifting moods in the blink of an eye. Grey clouds would eclipse the setting sun with their mighty fists, soaking up the colour of the earth like ink drenching a cotton ball.

And with the continuous alternating weather came the busty smell of sunblock and wet grass. Summer scents combined with the salty air and pungent fish that cling to Jake’s senses from the moment he started his journey along the coastal towns.

His mountain travels started just mere days ago. The task of hiking the grand peak was something he was finally going to cross off his bucket list. Dipping into his savings and requesting a week or two off work was a small price to pay when it came to the tranquility and beauty laid bare before him.

Born and raised on the outskirts of the city, there hadn't been much nature for him to appreciate and admire growing up. But from the moment Jake entered the first small, close-knit fishing town, all he could seem to do was appreciate and stare in outright awe.

The land laid undisturbed all around; the mountains, the trees, the ocean, they had all planted their roots, dug in their heels, and refused to surrender. Cities had been conquered, the vast expansion of country fields and towering summits were placed in chains, forced to give themselves to man. But here, on the coast of fishing villages, it seems as if Land and Man came to an agreement, a compromise, an understanding, to live in peace as one.

Roads of all kinds swerved, twisted, curled up and down along the coast, between the trees. Houses of unnaturally charming bright blues, yellows, oranges, and greens sat gracefully against the mountain rocks, climbing up the forest-speckled cliffs. Homes and buildings of sea-weathered colour rested on the broken shoreline. Boats bobbed in the water, their docks reaching out towards the horizon like fingers longing to reach and touch a disappearing lover.

In the coastal towns, driving along the sunset stained ocean, Jake swore he would never see true beauty again.

Even now, when the sky wept tears of sorrow, its beauty never vanished.

The weather came on suddenly, as he passed the welcoming sign for Higdon's Harbour. The roads became slick, a ghostly fog settled in, and the colours were muted a few shades darker by the clouds above. Rivers trickled down the mountain side, disappearing into shallow ditches. Waves started to leap and jump to catch the increasing wind. All while the sky cried on and on.

Jake drove on through the town. Classic rock thumped softly in the background and raindrops tapped on the roof of the car. He had planned not to stop for the night until the next town over. He had driven through several rain storms since the start of his trip, and this was nothing.

But the cracks in the sky's broken heart continued to grow with exceptional pain. Tears of despair quickly turned to tears of anger. The beating on the car became more aggressive as the wind wailed daunting threats and the ocean frantically waved its arms.

It became too much, too quick. Jake was used to driving through bad weather, but not seaside storms. Not gusting winds and sideways rain. Plus, he decided, he was already making good time. So when the flashing green neon sign reading Beaumont Motel came into view, he didn’t hesitate to pull off the road, into the parking lot, and turn off his car.

A bell jingled above as Jake pushed open the door. He stepped into the warmth of the lobby, drenched through his clothes and soaking the carpet under his feet.

“Turned nasty out there real quick, didn’t it?”

Jake threw off his hood, shaking out his damp, blonde hair as he caught sight of an older woman with long grey hair smiling at him from behind a wooden desk.

She pulled her beige cardigan closer around her, brown eyes crinkling in the corners. “Looking for a room, hun?”

“If you happen to have one available,” Jake replied, walking towards the desk and setting down his backpack. Judging by the lack of cars in the parking lot, he was more than confident there were plenty of empty rooms. Still, he glanced at the woman’s name tag and flashed her a smile. “Vera.”

“Oh, hun,” Vera chuckled. Her fingers tapped away on the computer that looked too new to be in the small, tacky, lobby with flower-patterned wallpaper. A lobby that was decorated with simply a small sitting area off to the side, a dusty fireplace warming the room, a dark wooden desk, rouge carpet, and outdated lighting fixtures. “I think I have one or two available. For how long will we be seeing your handsome face around?”

“Only a night,” Jake said. “I’m just passing through.”

“Storm pushed you off the road, huh?” Vera turned around and grabbed a key off one of the hooks on the wall. “It should only last the night. Nightly storms are common for us during this time of year. Here you go, hun.”

“Thank you!” Jake took the key before picking up his bag once more, throwing it over his shoulder.

“If you’re looking to warm up a bit, Kay & Elle, the pub next door, is open for a few more hours,” Vera informed him, fixing her wool cardigan on her shoulders. “A lot of the locals inhabit the place, but we’re friendly folks here. I’m sure they’ll keep you entertained for a bit.”

“Thank you for the suggestion!” Jake pulled his hood back over his head. “Have a good night, Vera.”

She waved him off with a dazzling smile. “Enjoy your short time at Higdon’s Harbour.”

Rain beat down around Jake as the lobby door closed behind him. The sticky air promised an onslaught of thunder and lightning, but it had yet to develop. With a glance at the metal key in his hand, Jake made out a marked 9 engraved at the top. His toes were cold as he quickly made it to the door and inserted the key before pushing the door open and stepping into the musty smelling room.

It was just as drab as the lobby. The double-bed was dressed in off-white coverings. Cream walls, dark carpet, and tacky seaside pictures. Along with two side tables by the bed, a small TV on top of a mini fridge, and a bathroom door on the far wall.

It wasn’t the nicest looking room he’d ever stayed in, but he would also be lying if he said he hadn’t stayed in worse before.

With a tired and uncomfortable sigh, Jake tossed his bag onto the bed, peeled off his wet coat, and padded off into the bathroom.

He never really thought of going to the pub Vera had mentioned. His only plans that evening consisted of taking a scalding shower before crawling into bed. Maybe watching some TV or reading the book at the bottom of his bag to spice up the night.

Yet, once the two former items on his agenda were checked off, an uneasiness fell over him. Neither the TV nor his book could hold his attention. The bedsheets itched his legs. His heart thumped in his chest, just fast enough to be noticeable. He couldn’t sit still.

Lightning flashed outside and Jake’s head whipped in the direction of the window. The pub came into view; the two porch lights twinkled in the dark and laughter sounded in time to the pounding storm. It shimmered in the lightning’s afterglow, the rain creating a silver mist of magic around the stone building.

Jake tossed off the sheets and threw on some clothes and his damp jacket. The pull in the pit of his stomach pushed him towards the front door without Jake even really realizing what he was doing. But he chalked it up to boredom and the anxiety of being knocked off his schedule.

He left the warmth of his room behind, almost crashing into a figure as he gently closed his door. An apology was on the tip of his tip tongue when a feeling of nausea washed over him. He felt dizzy, stomach turning. But it was gone between one blink and the next, along with the person. Jake got a glimpse of red hair out of the corner of his eye followed by bells and laughter as the door to room 8 snapped closed.

The thunderous weather started to overload Jake's senses and the urge to get to the pub was greater. With his head down, the figure fading from his memory, Jake made his way across the parking lot.

A drink or two would kill some time, he thought to himself. At least it would help settle the uneasiness and put him to sleep.

The mist around the pub seemed to glow as Jake drew closer, but he was too busy keeping the rain out of his eyes to pay much mind to it. Warmth shot up his arm as he pushed the door open, a jingle filling the room.

The smell of liquor and smoke tainted with the slight scent of sweat greeted Jake as he stepped over the threshold of Kay & Elle. The low rumble of a banjo filled the space, bouncing off the wooden rafters, mixing with the low mumbles and chuckles of the clusters of people scattered around the room. It wasn’t a full house, but crowded enough given the storm outside.

With his footsteps sounding off the wood floors, Jake made his way to the dark-oak bar. He received a few stares and nods of acknowledgment as he walked by men and women alike, sitting at tables and standing by pool tables. As he walked past, he took in the stone walls, the empty stage in the back, the shimmering yellow lights, and the photos of fishermen, smiling ladies, and vast landscapes littered throughout the walls.

He took off his jacket, his heart having settled from the moment he entered the pub. Jake wasn’t a man who believed in faith, but in his bones, deep in his marrow, he knew this was where he was meant to be, for whatever reason.

“Well ain’t you a fresh face,” the elder man behind the bar remarked as Jake sat in one of the barstools, just a few seats down from a hunched over figure nursing a glass of whiskey.

Jake placed his wet jaket on the chair beside him as he chuckled. “Hard to be a stranger in this town.”

“Small-town life, my boy. Everyone knows everyone.” The man threw a towel over his shoulder, his dark hair pulled back in a low pony-tail, causing the wrinkles on his slim, tan face to be on full display. His green eyes sparkled in welcome and his smile pulled at the faded scar on his left cheek. “Passing through?”

The dim lights jumped and danced off the many bottles lining the wall behind the bar. A muted glow hugged the bar, the music changing to the beat of a fiddle.

“I am, but the storm took me off the road for the night,” Jake explained.

“You staying at the Beaumont?”

Jake nodded. “The woman, Vera, recommended I stop by for a drink.”

The words tasted bitter, full of half-truths and false tales. But Jake wasn’t sure why, just as he wasn’t sure how to explain his need to be sitting in the pub at that particular moment.

“That woman,” the elder man chuckled with a shake of his head. “She sends more business this way than any billboard ad ever could. Well, have a drink while you’re here…"

“Jake.”

The music skipped a beat as the fiddle played a harsh note. The air turned bitter and cold. Jake’s limbs urged him to run, screamed that he made a mistake, scolded him for giving his name so willingly. But it was a reflex; the word leaving his lips before he understood what was happening. An impulse came over him, the same one that pulled him to obey the man's demand and order a drink.

No one seemed to notice the odd behaviour, aside from the hunched over figure a few seats down. His depthless brown eyes flashed to Jake, grey hair falling across his pale, sweaty forehead. There was a look of pain and madness in those eyes. Jake opened his mouth to say something when a draft of beer appeared in front of him. And suddenly he couldn’t remember why his limbs felt tense or why there was a cold sweat on the back on his neck.

“Nice to meet ya, Jake,” the bartender smiled with a gleam in his bottle-green eyes. “Name’s Murphy.”

“Likewise,” Jake raised his drink before bringing the glass to his lips, downing half of it in a few gulps.

The hunched man tipped back the last of his whiskey, slamming the glass hard on the bartop.

“Murphy,” he spoke in a husky voice, like the sound of asphalt and gravel.

A flash of irritation, with just a hint of sadness, came over Murphy's face. He didn’t say a word as he quickly prepared another glass, sliding it gently in front of the stranger.

“Take it easy, Harold. That’s your third now.”

Harold grunted, shooting back half the glass without a word.

Murphy sighed, every other emotion but worry washing from his face for the smallest moment, before he turned back to Jake with a smile on his lips.

“So, where were you headed before the rain knocked you off track?”

After another smaller sip of beer, Jake explained his mountain travel plans and his desire to reach the great peak that waited for him at the end.

“Good on ya. Do it all now while you’re still young and can move about,” Murphy said with a chuckle. “This a solo trip? Or are you with someone special? Perhaps they’re waiting for you back in your room?”

“No,” Jake chuckled, ignoring the grunt of clear annoyance from the man a few seats down from him. “Just me.”

A glimmer appeared in the old man's eye. “So no one speical then? No sweetheart waiting for ya?”

Glass rattled as Harold slammed his empty drink back down on the bar.

Jake cast a sideways glance at the stranger. Restlessness rushed through him as he slowly sat up straighter. Tension gripped his limbs as Harold turned to look at him. Those unnaturally dark eyes shined with intensity. They held so much knowledge, so much pain, so much fury that Jake couldn’t look away.

“Don’t waste your time with such things, boy,” Harold grumbled, voice rough and firm. His brows were pulled together so tight they were touching, as the bar cast his face in shadows of back and grey. “Love is pointless.”

He said the word love with such hatred, Jake felt as if the stone structure surrounding them would cave in and collapse.

Murphy, for his part, looked just as on edge. It was a fact that did little to calm Jake's sudden nervousness.

“Harold,” he sighed. “Let’s take a moment-”

“There is one thing that is certain when it comes to love,” Harold continued, eyes gazing unblinkingly at Jake. “It is nothing but pain. Love is made up of pain and heartbreak and bitter ends. It is a useless and pointless part of the whole damn human existence.”

A hush fell over the bar, as if even the other guests could sense the mood Harold had brought about. The upbeat tone of the fiddle suddenly switched to a soulless wail. . A shiver ran up Jake’s spine and he begged his body to turn away, to dismiss the man and be done with it. But he couldn’t. His unmerciful gaze pulled him in and suddenly Jake was drowning in the scent of liquor and smoke and dead leaves and depthless seas.

“You fight so hard." Harold gripped his glass, and a crack started to appear. “You fight with all you have and give yourself completely and it's no good. It doesn’t matter. Nothing you do is good enough. Love is about fighting a losing battle and in the end, only one person suffers the consequences. And it's usually the one who fought the hardest.”

“Harold.”

Murphy’s voice was firm, loud, booming over the music as Jake jumped back in his seat. He didn’t realize how intently he’d been listening to Harold. How he was hanging on to every word like it was air. Or how, while talking to the terrifying man, for the first time since entering the town, Higdon’s Harbour glowed with colour.

An angry, remorseless, pulsating red colour.

Harold held Jake's gaze for a moment longer, intense eyes cast in complete shadow, before turning back to the bar.

“Thanks for the advice,” Jake found himself saying, voice shaking more than he'd like to admit. He didn’t mean to speak, the words simply rushed out of him with an aftertaste of smoke.

Clearing his throat, Jake downed the last of his beer before pushing the glass towards Murphy for a refill.

A hush fell around them for just a few moments, the tension already starting to subside. Jake felt his shoulders drop as he slowly sipped his beer and Murphy slid Harold a glass of water. After some small talk with the old bartender, Jake felt himself able to breathe once more. His body started to relax, the fog lifting from his head. He was breaking the surface and forgetting all about the darkness of the ocean and the murdered limbs of the trees on the forest floor.

While on his third drink, Murphy started to get busy with the other parties of the bar. Tables started to ask for refills, and drenched couples walked through the door, the wind roaring behind them. He drifted more and more between the bar and the tables. And it was about that time that Jake decided he would soon be calling it a night.

“You shouldn’t have stopped, boy.”

Ice crawled up Jake’s spine at the sound of that sandpaper voice. Murphy was off to some seemingly remote corner of the bar. Jake couldn’t help but notice that every new body who walked in stayed far away from the bar, from him, and from Harold.

Jake gripped the tall draft in his hand, foam and condensation running through his numb fingers.

He turned to face Harold, those black soulless eyes dragging him into the abyss. He was in a freefall, too much rushed through him all at once. A thumping started at his left temple and his heart dropped to his stomach as he fell and fell and fell from the bowels of the sky through the open arms of the corpse-like trees.

“You shouldn’t have stopped,” Harold spat, teeth clenched and head hung low. “You should get out of this cursed town before they get you too. They know you’re here. They knew you’d be here before you knew you’d be here. They got to the rest of this damned town. They got her. Get out before they get you too, boy.”

Fear rooted Jake in place. Fear for what, he couldn’t tell. But in the back of his mind, in the depth of his soul, he knew Harold was right. He shouldn’t be here. He shouldn’t have stopped. Yet, the thought of leaving caused his heart to clench and spots to form behind his eyes. Without his control, he found his lips forming the words -

“Who are they?”

The lights flickered with the time of the thunder clashing outside. The fiddle faded out and the haunting strings of a violin floated through the room, accompanied by a soulful woman's wail.

He knew he shouldn’t have asked. He shouldn’t provoke this man. He should just pay his tab, get up, and leave. But it was unexplainable, much like the whole night had been. He simply couldn’t help himself.

Harold completely turned to Jake. The harsh lines on his face caught the glow of the dim lights. His eyes burned with unattainable wisdom and passion. Jake's heart started to race, limbs locking into place as he noticed the music slowed. Along with, somehow, every other body and soul in the bar. A haze filled the room, a mist blurring and engulfing everything that was not Jake and was not Harold. Even the storm seemed to hush, with only the woman's cry continuing on.

“Let me tell you a story, son.” Harold’s voice turned mystical, the words floating in the air between the two. “Cause I’ve lost my friends, my family, this whole damn town, and yet no one will believe me. They think I’m a nut-case, a man full of grief. But I ain’t, you hear? And maybe you’ll believe me. Maybe you won’t. But they took my wife-”

“Your wife is missing?”

Jake’s pulse jumped as Harold leaned in close, his blood-shot eyes burning crimson red. “For years now. Cause they took her.”

“They?” Jake repeated, feeling physically ill.

Harold nodded. “The fairies.”

He should have laughed. He should have backed off. His mind should have been yelling at him that the man was senile, crazy, insane. He should have bid him goodbye, called over Murphy, and been done with this place, this man. This man who was staring at him with all the earnestness in the world.

Fairies.

The word danced around in his head, bells and whistles suddenly joining in with the escalating violin. Suddenly, the whole town made all the sense in the world and yet, none at all.

“Fairies?” Jake spoke slow and steady. “They’re just folklore. A myth.”

Even as he said it, the words turned to dust on his tongue. He wanted to wash the taste out with his beer, but found he genuinely couldn’t move.

“The Harbour Fairies,” Harold whispered. “Nasty creatures. And if you believe they’re just a myth, you’re as foolish as the rest of them. If you believe there isn’t more to this world, that we’re the only beings here, you’re blin. These aren’t just some little buggers who pick your berries and sprinkle dust. They are savage, mischievous demons.”

Jake started to shake his head, mostly to clear the fog that had started to form. “I don’t-”

“We here grew up wearing our clothes inside out and carrying bread in our pockets to stop the little people from leading us astray,” Harold spoke with more urgency than Jake had heard all night, “But little good it did. Everyone was blinded by what was right in front of them. These creatures play tricks. Oh, they love tricks. And not the fun kind. No, the kind that leads you over a cliff or dead at the bottom of the sea. They are unpredictable forces of nature who lead you in the woods, and suddenly you're never heard of again.”

“And they got your wife.”

“They stole her,” Harold spat the words into the air. His gaze flicked towards the red-head who walked past them, beer in hand, before he spoke again. “They took her from me. Everyone here believes she ran away, but I know. I caught them you see, I saw it with my own two eyes. One day she was in the garden, the next…”

… she walked into the woods, never to be seen again. Jake knew because he saw it himself. He watched it play out in Harold’s aged eyes. And suddenly he was inserted into a story that was not his. He didn’t feel right; too tight in his skin, eyes unable to properly focus on the greys, blacks, and whites of the world. But he still watched.

A grass-stained seven year old boy cradled the arm of a pretty girl with messy blonde hair. They sat in a treehouse, feet dangling over the edge, kicking at the clouds. The girl had tear-tracks running down her cheeks and dead flowers stuck in her hair. She was biting her lip, nodding as the boy spoke.

“I told you not to make your papa mad,” he whispered sternly.

“I didn’t mean to,” her lips trembled, gaze moving to anything but the boy before her. “It wasn’t my fault.”

The boy shook his head as he ran his hand over the forming bruise. “You gotta be more careful Cathy. What if something were to happen to ya?”

“Then let's get out of this town, Harry,” a seventeen-year old girl twirled in the headlights of an old pick-up truck. The waves crashed against the shore in the distance, the sun tenderly kissing the horizon goodbye. The girl’s blonde, messy braids whipped around her shoulder, dress bunched at her ankles. She stood before a brown haired boy, grass-stains on his jeans, leaning against the red truck. “Let’s pack up and leave after graduation next week.”

“And go where, Cathy?” The boy shook his head. “I have a job lined up on the boat and you have-”

“Nothing! I have nothing!” She threw her hands in the air. “I ain’t got nothing lined up. Just my next shift at the diner. I want to go to school, you know I do. But papa-”

“Don’t worry about your father,” the boy grabbed at the girls skirts, pulling her so close their hips touched. “I told you, I’ll protect you from your papa.”

The girl bit her lips, forest green eyes glancing over the boy's shoulder. Her face was tender but the look of caution never left. As if she wanted to believe the boy holding her but her heart refused to pay heed. “Promise?”

“I do.”

Applause thundered across the crowd, the waves beating against the rocky cliffs. The man lifted the woman's veil, tucking a piece of messy blonde hair behind her ear before gripping the back of her neck. He leaned in and placed a kiss on his lips. Whistles and wails filled the air, a screaming violin starting to play as the newly-weds walked down the aisle.

She held on her husband’s arm like a life-line, biting her lip as her father clapped the bride-groom on the shoulder. Her eyes darted around the crowd, the same look of caution from five years ago still masked her face.

It was a look that never left her face, a look that was forever present in the back on her eyes. It was the only thought Jake found he was able to form; the look of a woman who was scared. The look of a woman who was holding a secret.

And maybe she was, for that look stayed with her for all the years to come, Jake noticed. He watched Harold's and Catherine’s life play out before him, just as Harold described. The twenty plus years together. The moments of tender love, the moments of bitter fights. The squealing laughter and howling sobs. The funerals and the weddings, The slamming bottles and doors leading to nights together and alone. It wasn’t the best marriage, but what marriage is, Harold said.

They never had kids, their life centred around just the two of them, their fading love and the growing tension. Every second leading up to that moment, in a garden of muted yellows, reds, and oranges.

Flowers in her messy hair, a near fifty year old Catherine knelt before a bed of dirt. Sunglasses covered her eyes, dirt stained her knees, finger nails, and cheeks. She was silent as she worked.

A door slammed in the distance. “Catherine!”

The tension became electricity in the air. Catherine’s head snapped up as footsteps made their way to the backyard.

Jake noticed it at the exact moment she did. The wind switched directions, bells jingled off the tree tops, mystical laughter floated out from the forest on the other side of the garden.

Catherine turned slowly. The flower fell out of her hair. She tossed the sunglasses onto the ground and her bruised, deep green eyes glowed against the muted world. She walked towards the tree line, footfalls light. Laughter bubbled past her own lips and, between one step and the next, she was gone.

“... the forest swallowed her up and I knew they got to her.”

Jack was back in the bar. Everything rested as it had, and he himself wasn’t even sure if what he had just witnessed was real. Surely not, but the description and details felt real, tangible. As if, for a moment, he truly stood in Harold's memories.

“The forest was the only way out,” Harold’s eyes were wide, urgent, and the brightest things in the whole bar. “It was either through the house or the forest. And she’d been acting out for years. Always in the garden, out on her own. They got her, it's the only answer. But,” a pause, eyes shifting. “I know where she is.”

Jake swallowed, throat dry as sandpaper. “You do?”

“An island just a few miles out in sea. A rocky cliff, that's where they stay,” Harold nodded, talking more to himself than Jake. “She's there, with them. I’m taking my boat out tomorrow morning. I’m going to get her and-”

“Harold.”

Murphy’s voice was enough to make Jake jump back. He never noticed how close he had been leaning towards the old man. Just as he never realized how tightly he was holding his warm, untouched third glass of beer. He pulled his hand back, wiping it on his jeans as the pulsing in his left temple grew stronger.

As he looked around the pub, Jake took in all the faces looking his way. Eyes bounced between him and Harold, whispers and murmurs accompanying the flute and violin pair. It was only when Murphy loudly, purposely, cleared his throat that the inhabitants of the bar started to look as if they weren’t listening.

“Harold,” Murphy spoke softly, placing a hand on Harold’s tense shoulder. “I think it's time to head home, friend.”

There was a fight in Harold’s eyes, Jake could see it. That bloodshot, haunting, soulless gaze held a fire and life to them, ignited by the hatred for creatures that couldn’t exist. But the moment Murphy spoke, the moment Harold looked around the pub and saw all the eyes on him, the fire vashined. It was as quick as releasing a breath, there one minute and gone the next.

Harold held Jake’s gaze. There was still so much left unsaid, unanswered, and Jake found he didn’t want him to go. His mind and soul craved to know more about fairies and their secret world.

A laughter echoed off the rafters, and Jake realized for the first time that night how terrified and exposed he truly was.

“Tomorrow morning,” Harold grunted as he stood, the invitation loud and clear. Jake didn’t understand why Harold was inviting him along but it somehow made all the sense in the world.

With no other parting words, with not so much as a glance at any other living soul in the pub, Harold walked out. Back hunched as he disappeared over the threshold, rain and wind howling as they swallowed him whole.

A hush carried on throughout the pub for a few heartbeats. Until the flute faded back into the plucking of a guitar. Someone cheered, laughter followed, and soon the lively atmosphere of the bar was back once more. As if the haunted man with an implausible story wasn’t present a few moments before.

“Is it true?” Jake found himself asking, tongue sliding across his chapped lips. He turned in his chair, facing Murphy, who now stood behind the bar. He hoped his shaking hand wasn't noticeable as he raised his beer to his lips. “About those… about the fairies.”

The word tasted like strawberries and metal on his lips.

Murphy glanced up for the glass he was cleaning, scar strained across his cheek as he pursed his lips. “They’re urban folktales. Myths passed down through all the generations of the Harbour.”

“And his wife?”

Murphy paused. He let out a sign, placed the glass under the bar before turning to Jake. Worry and concern shinned in his eyes.

“She left him,” he explained softly, mindful of the ears around. “Packed up and left, just like that.”

“Just like that?” Jake raised an eyebrow at Murphy’s hesitation.

“There were… rumours about cheating and drunken fights but…” Murphy took a breath, crossing his arms on the bartop as he leaned in close. “Look, Harry's a good guy, difficult but good. Our families know each other well. And Cathy… well she had a hard life with her father. She wasn’t all there before she left and Harold took it hard. He still won't get help and has himself convinced the Harbour Fairies are behind it. Says he’s seen things with his own eyes that explains it.”

Jake swallowed, leg bouncing restlessly. “He’s going out tomorrow morning-”

“Yeah,” Murphy nodded solemnly. “We’ve tried to stop him, talk sense. But he won’t listen. And he’s at the age and point now where we've given up - what can ya do.”

A lot. Jake glanced around the pub, taking in the numerous people laughing, chatting, drinking. He didn’t know these people, he shouldn’t judge, but they could be doing something to help that man. He may be talking crazy but… was he?

The more Jake studied the bar, the more it felt like a fog was lifting. The pieces were falling into place. The math was suddenly starting to make sense. And Jake refused to acknowledge the answers that were before him.

“Where is she then?” Jake asked, breathing through his nose to calm his racing heart. “His wife. Catherine.”

“No one knows,” Murphy admitted. “She got out of this town, that's for sure. And no one has heard from her since.”

“No one checks in?” Jake couldn’t hide the disbelief from his voice. “No one’s tried to find out where she is or what happened.”

Murphy watched Jake for an uncomfortable moment. His eyes looked him over, mouth twisting as if to say something. But then his lips shut, he blinked, and he shrugged before pointing to the still full glass in front of Jake. “You want another?”

Jake's breath caught in his throat. Claws bit into his spine. His skin felt too tight as a breeze brushed the back of his neck, red flashing in his vision. The room was too small and too big all at once. He didn’t know why he was feeling such a way or what had brought it on. But his gut knew it was because of this town.

And he knew he wanted to get out.

The door to the pub shut as a couple walked out, but the noise still rattled against Jake’s bones as he shook his head.

“No,” he stood up, hand shaking as he pulled out some bills and tossed them on the bar. “I think I’ll call it a night actually.”

Murphy picked up the money, either not noticing the odd behaviour or choosing to ignore it as he smiled. “Well, Mr. Jake, I hope you enjoy the rest of your short stay. Maybe someday we’ll get to see you passing through the Harbour again.”

“Who knows,” Jake gave a nervous chuckle, “It seems anything is possible.”

He left the pub in shambles. The smell of ashes and fowl fish followed Jake as he made his way to the door. Tables were knocked off centre, chairs were tipped over. The banjo played too loud and slightly off key. Men and women alike stumbled over one another, drinks spilled onto the floor. Even Murphy’s slicked back pony was a mess, falling into his dark, sweat covered face.

The illusion was breaking, the corners being pulled back to show something ugly and monstrous. Something those who inhabited Higdon’s Harbour refused to acknowledge.

Jake stepped over the threshold, blood pounding through his veins. He welcomed the rain beating down on his face, the wind biting through his damp jacket and nipping at his icy skin. The door to Kay & Elle closed with a thunderous bang. The banjo and hysterical laughter was replaced by sorrowful wind and wailing rain.

He stood there for a moment, face turned towards the sky as he tried to will air into his lungs.

He needed to get out of this town.

Whatever force pulled Jake towards the pub earlier was controlled by a demon. He didn’t know what purpose it served him, to hear about Harold and the fairies… fairies that shouldn’t, didn’t, couldn’t exist…

Someone squealed and giggled across the parking lot. With a jump, heart in his throat, Jake started to make his way back to the safety of his room.

And he was almost there, just a mere few steps away, when his body suddenly felt as if it were stretched too thin. Nausea overcame him and his head spun. The rain pierced his skin like devilish needles and the wind sang a woman's lullaby in his ear. He could hear his blood pounding in his ears, thunder crashing as someone bumped into his shoulder.

It was an innocent tap, the woman clearly too captivated by the lady on her arm to notice him. But it did all the damage in the world.

“Oh!” She gasped, the sound like a thousand bells. She grabbed his arm, full-lips pulled back in an apologetic smile as all the air vanished from Jake's chest. “I’m sorry.”

He couldn't breath, the pulsing in his left temple was suddenly magnified by ten. The warmth of her hand on his arm spread through his whole body. He no longer felt the wind and rain beating against him, he was too allured by her auburn curls, high-cheekbones, and hazel eyes that glistened like moss coated in morning dew.

She was the most hauntingly beautiful creature he had ever beheld. And every part of his being begged him to run.

“Are you okay, Jake?” Her partner spoke up. They were holding one another so close, arms locked tight, it was as if they were one. Gravity pulled them together; where one moved the other followed. A simple stranger such as himself could not doubt their adoration and love.

Jake ripped his gaze away from the red-headed woman and looked at her partner. He took in her slim face, the dirty dress, and messy blonde hair pinned back with a flower.

It was then that Jake noticed that both women were completely dry.

It was then that Jake realized they knew his name.

It was then that his eyes met the blonde’s green ones, and he saw it all.

“I told you not to make your papa mad,” a seven year old boy with grass stains on his knees told the six year old girl with a bruised arm.

“I didn’t mean to,” she trembled, and Jake realized she wasn’t avoiding the boys gaze. She was looking at someone else. She was looking at the young auburn haired creature standing a few feet away, invisible to the boy and eyes tense with worry. “It wasn't my fault.”

Be more careful, the boy told her at the exact moment the creature met the girl's gaze and said, I know. I’ll protect you.

“I told you,” said a seventeen year old boy as he gripped a sixteenth year old's skirts. “I’ll protect you from your papa.”

You know he can’t, Cathy, The auburn creature said, standing over the boy's shoulder as she held the girl’s green-eyed gaze. I’ll protect you from them both.

The blonde trembled. “Promise?”

With all the power of the forest and the sea. I promise.

She was there, always there. She did all she could to keep her promise. But it seemed even she was limited in her abilities.

Jake watched Harold and Catherine's life play out once more. As the twenty plus years faded together, the moments of tender love vanished. The fights were more frequent, more aggressive than Harold let on. He stumbled home in the dark more than once, eyes bloodshot and words slurred. There were many years of fights and screams. Fists were thrown and bones were broken. And the red-head was there through it all, helping as best as she could. She cared for Cathy, tried to protect her, but it wasn’t enough.

Run away with me, Cathy. It's the only way.

And run she did.

It wasn’t a laugh that called Catherine to the forest that day in the garden as Harold’s raging voice bellowed off the walls of the house. No, it was not a laugh at all, but her name, spoken in bells and chimes, love and warmth.

Catherine stepped over the threshold of the forest, laughter on her lips, as she jumped into the arms of the beautiful red-headed fairy.

She didn’t leave, wasn’t taken. She willingly left her delusional old life for one of magic and wonder and respect.

Jake stumbled back a step, shaking off the hand of the creature before him. His head was spinning, his stomach turned and his vision blurred as he truly saw the two ladies before him. As he noticed the glow around them, the electricity that danced in their wake.

This town, these people… how could anyone let a woman suffer as Catherine did and not do anything? How could they not see what was right in front of them?

And these creatures, the fairies, Harold painted them as the demons and yet, this fairy was Catherine’s saving grace, her lover, her protector...

They shared a look, the two lovers, before turning back to him. They didn’t say another word as the fairy smiled at Jake, white teeth flashing, and blew him a kiss. They turned to leave, Catherine giving him a wink over her shoulder, before disappearing into their hotel room. Right next door to his.

Jake stumbled as fast as he could to his room, slamming the door behind him as he tried to catch his breath and will his mind to understand what the hell was going on.

It took him a few moments to realize, for the first time all night, he was completely dry.

----------

Light had yet to transform the morning sky when Jake sped out of the Beaumont Motel parking lot. The rain had stopped and the winds were whisked away. Grey clouds lingered in the sky, suffocating the rising sun on the horizon.

What was once a piece of art to Jake was now the ugliest thing he had ever seen.

The mountain reached its claws to the sky, holding all the trees and buildings in the palm of its hand. The roads swerved in and out of its fingers, weather-worn homes running up the forest-speckled hills, trying to escape. The ocean leaped for joy as it played with the rocky cliffs, trying to capture and destroy anything it could reach. The boats bobbed in the water, begging to be let free, while the docks pointed their fingers to the open sea, luring in any desperate and lonely souls to the corrupt town.

The ocean was painted an angry blue against the grey light. The white-capped waves pounded against anything in their way. What Jake once thought was a place of harmony, he realized now, was an illusion.

The image had been shattered, broken beyond repair.

The land had won after all, he realized now. It had conquered Higdon’s Harbour and all within it. There was no agreement, no compromise to live in peace. For nothing could truly defeat nature.

The land cackled against the last remains of the raging storm winds. For it knew the game it was playing; it knew who truly ruled the town. And it was not man.

Jake made it out before the first kitchen light flickered on. Before the inhabitants of Higdon’s Harbour woke and started about their delusional lives. His heart pounded in his chest the whole way, hands shaking as they gripped his steering wheel. Even when he passed the city line, his body refused to relax. Not as the sound of chimes echoed on and on and on in his head.

By the time Jake remembered Harold, he was long gone. And he was too far out to turn back. Too far out to hear the news, or see the headline of the Higdon’s Harbour newspaper that morning. And to hear the otherworldly laugh that accompanied it.

Man Crashes Boat Off Rocky Cliffs In Desperate Search Of His Wife.

#oringinal character #original writing #original story #fairies #tog #acotar #fanfiction #tog fanfic #tog fanfiction #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #cas writing #personal

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elocinnicole · 2 years

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Say Yes to the Dress

Summary: You are going dress shopping with your friends and mom. What could possibly go wrong? Rating: T for Mild Language Pairing: Daveed Diggs x Black!Reader Warning: This fic features a narcissist and controlling mother.

Family is Everything Series Masterlist

AN: This mini series is almost coming to an end, there’s two more fics left and Family Is Everything will be complete. I want to thank all of my readers that Reblogged, liked, or commented on this series. Thanks for reading!!! If you want to be tagged please let me know!!

“The agenda for this week is to one, finalize the guest list, send out save the dates, the engagement session, by the way, the makeup team will come to your house and do your glam there, and the last thing I need for this month is for you guys to pick a venue.” Skye, your wedding planner said as she read off the growing to-do list for your upcoming nuptials with Daveed. The two of you were hoping for a winter wedding since by that time Daniel will be about 18 months and able to walk down the aisle as the ring bearer.

“So, what is the final number for the wedding?”

“Both Daveed and I want a private, small ceremony so the final count will be about 70 people no more than 80 max.”

“Alrighty, perfect. Now, your engagement session is scheduled for this weekend at Hayden Planetarium. We were able to have the planetarium closed for the day for privacy. No paparazzi will be permitted within a ten mile radius of the planetarium.”

You and Daveed both hated how invasive the paparazzi were, especially while you were pregnant with Daniel. You had to file a restraining order against one in particular for harassing you while you were out doing some grocery shopping.

“We don’t want any press at all. We haven’t even told the press we’re engaged.”

“How long do you think that you two can keep that a secret?”

“Honestly, I don’t know. I almost slipped up at the show last night.” The sound of the front door opening and the sounds of Daniel calling for you made you smile.

“I’ll let you enjoy the rest of your afternoon. We’ll talk soon?”

“Sounds good, bye Skye.” You ended the FaceTime call just in time for Daniel to crawl over to you

“Mommy, Mommy, Mommy,” Daniel said placing his head in the crook of your neck.

“Hi, Mommy’s baby, how was daycare?”

“Ms. Pam said your son has been hitting.” You gasped dramatically

“Hitting? Daniel Zaire Diggs we do not hit, we only use kind hands.” You scolded

“Yeah, and scratching.”

“Scratching too? Mommy’s gonna cut your finger nails and then we’re going to have a serious talk.” You said, Daveed leaned down and the two of you kissed one another. Daniel gently pushed Daveed away, frowning at him.

“What? I can’t give Mommy a kiss?”

“My Mommy,” Daniel said wrapping his arms around you,

“Oop, looks like I’m the favorite,” You teased, Daveed playfully rolled his eyes

“Why are you the favorite?”

“Because, he’s my baby.” You said, snuggling Daniel closer and him loving all the attention.

“How was the talk with Skye?”

“It was good, she finalized the engagement shoot so we have the place all to ourselves and the paparazzi can’t go down that block.” Daniel started to get fussy so you made your way to the kitchen to get him something to eat. Daveed followed

“What else did she add to the never ending list?”

“We still have to find a venue so we can send out save the dates. How about we don’t even have a date, either?” You reminded your fiancé while preparing Daniel’s snack

“I know babe, we’ve both been so busy.”

Daveed was right, the musical you were in just moved to Broadway and performances were selling out like crazy. Daveed is currently busy with The Little Mermaid and being offered for every role under the sun.

“I promise I will sit down with you and look over the venues tomorrow and we can pick a date.”

“I can’t do tomorrow, I’m going to look at dresses with my Mom and the girls.”

“Oh,” Daveed gave you a knowing look, it was no secret that your Mom could be a little controlling at times. Of course you love her, but sometimes you’re very grateful for the fact that you live in New York now.

“I mean it’s fine, that’s why I invited Jasmine and Amber, you know to be buffers.”

“Well—” Daniel banging his hand interrupted the two of you, frowning his face.

“Hey, we don’t do that. Say please,” You said firmly

“Peas,” Daniel said

“Here’s your snack baby.” Daniel happily took the bowl of fruit from you. Immediately stuffing the cut up grapes in his mouth.

“My Mom has been blowing up my phone asking about a date everyday at this point.”

“Babe, come on it’s not that bad.”

“Babe, she literally took over my Bridal Shower and I don’t even have a fuc—” You stopped yourself from cussing in front of Daniel the last thing you needed was him repeating the words at daycare. “I don’t even have a date for my wedding let alone my bridal shower.”

“How can she do that? She’s not paying for it?” Daveed questioned

“I can’t explain it, I just can’t really tell her no, disagreeing with her means that I’m disrespecting her.”

“That’s the craziest shit I ever heard.”

“Shit!” Daniel repeated excitedly clapping his hands, you sent your fiancé a glare.

“Now he’s gonna be at day care cussin all the kids out and hittin people all over the place.”

“Y/N, relax, Daniel, that’s a bad word. Don’t say that.” Daveed scolded

“Shit! Shit!” Daniel laughed, as much as you wanted to stay mad you broke and giggled,

“Don’t repeat after Daddy, he said a bad word,”

The next day you woke up excited and anxious. You walked into the kitchen, bonnet on and one of Daveed’s t-shirts that was practically a dress on you. You stopped upon seeing a shirtless Daveed making breakfast. You came up behind him and snaked your arms around him dragging your fingers alongs his abs. You swear you were the luckiest woman on earth.

“See, you keep on playing you gonna get pregnant again.” Daveed mumbled, sleep still evident in his voice.

“Boy bye, what you bout to eat?”

“I was trying to surprise you with breakfast before you go out for the day.”

“Aww” You cooed, making Daveed playfully roll his eyes.

“You’re so sweet and you’re making my favorite. You’re the best.” You teased pinching his cheeks making him yelp in surprise.

“Hey, keep playing with me,” Daveed warned

“Or what?”

“This ain’t gonna be the only thing I eat,” Daveed smirked

“See, now you stop playin,” Before you knew it, Daveed turned around and sat you on the counter causing you to squeal in surprise.

“Who said I was playin’?” Daveed started planting kisses along your neck

“What about breakfast?”

“It’s fine.”

“What about Daniel?”

“He’s sleep.” Daveed reached underneath the shirt and smirked when he discovered you weren’t wearing any panties. Daveed flashed a mischievous smile before sinking down to his knees. He placed your legs over his shoulders and starting biting along your thigh. The sound of the lock of the front door turning made you perk up, you heard it again and took your legs of your fiancé’s shoulders. Daveed, confused looked up at you.,

“Damn babe, already? I ain’t do nothin’ yet.”

“Shut up, there’s someone at the door.” You tried getting up but Daveed pushed you back down

“What the hell, let me up. You didn’t hear the door? Someone’s trying to come in.”

“No one else has a key to our place babe so who could it be?”

“It might be a robber! But you too busy worried about eatin’ some pussy.”

“You make it sound bad when you say it like that,”

“Daveed!”

“Aight, aight, let me go check.” Daveed finally let your legs go and stood up. He looked at himself and then you

“What?”

“Give me my shirt,”

“No,”

“Babe, I only got pants on.”

“So, I have on nothing underneath hurry and go see.” Daveed started to slowly walk toward the door with you trailing behind.

“What happened to ‘It might be a robber’?” Daveed said mocking your voice

“I still wanna see,” The door swung open and there stood your mom along with ample bags of luggage.

“Mom, what are you doing here?” You said confused to see your mom standing in your doorway.

“I’m here to go dress shopping,”

“But I was supposed to meet you at the hotel, that we paid for.”

“I know, but the hotel was so unprofessional, my room was filthy, the room service was awful. So,I figured I just stay with you guys. Daveed can you get my bags?” Your mom pushed past you and your fiancé to enter the two bedroom apartment

“Well, the reason we got you the hotel room, was because we don’t have the room…” You trailed off

“I figured, I can sleep in the guest bedroom.”

“Mom, we made that room an office for when we do interviews and have meetings.”

“Oh,” Your mom said deflated

“You can sleep on the air mattress, Ms. Diane.” Daveed suggested carrying the heavy luggage into the apartment

“That’s okay, my pinched nerve will just get worse. It’s fine.” You inwardly groaned, here she goes again.

“Mom, you don’t have to be like that—“

“No, no, it’s okay. I’m used to being the afterthought.”

“Well if you had stayed at the hotel—”

“Ms. Diane, I’ll sleep on the air mattress you can have the room with Y/N.” Daveed interjected

“Babe, are you sure?”

“Yeah, it’s only for one night, it’s no big deal.” Daveed said but you could tell that this situation was not ideal.

“Thank you Daveed, someone knows how to treat their mom.” You held back an eye roll as your Mom brushed past you.

“It’s only for one night.” Daveed reminded you

“It’s so dusty in here, I’m surprised Daniel doesn’t have allergies.” She called from the living room.

“One night too many.”

Later on, you, Jasmine, Amber, and your mom were waiting for your dress consultant to escort you to their main floor. Daveed’s mom was supposed to come but she wasn’t able to book a flight that didn’t have her catching a redeye or too many layovers. So, you said you would send her pictures of every dress and then FaceTime her when you find “The Dress”. You were able to book the entire boutique for the dress fitting so that you could enjoy your time in private.

“Hello, ladies, now who is the lucky lady?”

“It’s me,” You beamed

“So what type of dress are we looking for today?”

“Well, our theme is Bohemian, so I was thinking a dress in that style.”

“Alright, and what’s our budget?”

“The budget is $5,000.” Your mom interjected

“Mom, that’s way over budget and that’s not what we discussed.”

“I know, but I wanted to surprise you, so I upped my portion of the dress.” She said, you stared at your mom not knowing what to say.

“Well, let’s go try on some dresses.”

You eyed the dress in the mirror it was an off the shoulder chiffon dress. You would be lying if you said you weren’t feeling a bit emotional. This was the first time you put on a wedding dress and everything was starting to feel real to you. You were about to get married to the love of your life.

“I don’t like the dress,” Your smile faltered as you looked at your mom in shock trough the mirror.

“Really? What don’t you like about it?”

“I just don’t like it,”

“Well, I think you look beautiful. The off the shoulders are very flattering on you.” Jasmine said hoping to cut the tension in the room a little bit.

“Yes, this dress looks so good on you and it compliments your body.” Amber added

“Mmmm, you have broad shoulders like your father’s side of the family. I think you should get a dress with sleeves. I don’t want to pay for a dress that doesn’t flatter you.” This is why you didn’t want your mom to offer that much money towards your dress, she was just going to control everything…like everything else.

“I think it’s beautiful but its up to you,” You looked at yourself closely, since she pointed it out you did have broad shoulders maybe that’s why your stylist never really picked strapless dresses for you to wear.

“I don’t think I really like this one.”

“Alright let’s get you in another dress.”

Five dresses later and your mom had something negative to say about all of them. Whether it was too revealing, not flattering, or even too white in her opinion. “Daniel’s in the wedding, I don’t think people are expecting you to wear white.” You decide to humor her and try on a dress that she suggested. One look in the mirror and you knew instantly that it wasn’t the dress for you.

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” Your mom said holding back ears you held back the urge to roll your eyes of course she would like this one.

“It’s pretty but I don’t know. I’m sure whatever you wear Daveed’s gonna love it but it doesn’t really fit the vibe you were going for.” Jasmine commented

“Yeah, and honestly I’m not even trying to be funny, it makes you look shorter.”

“This is the dress for you honey, it’s perfect.”

“Perfect for someone else, I don’t like this dress Mom. It’s too frilly and I just don’t like it.”

“Okay.” Your said, you knew that when she says “okay” it was never okay.

“Mom,”

“No, it’s your day so you should have the final say, but I’ve dreamed about this day since the day you were born. Not just you, your sisters too. I don’t know, it’s your decision.” You sighed heavily you were so over dress hunting.

After a few minutes of convincing, Jasmine got you to try on one more dress. It was a form fitting lace gown with a plunging neckline, the associate gave you the matching veil and jewelry and one look at yourself in the mirror, you were struggling to hold back tears. You looked at your friends faces in the mirror, and they were having a hard time holding back the tears. Even the bridal associate was teary eyed herself.

“So, what do you think?”

“I love it, this is my dress,” you said wiping away your tears

“I’m about to FaceTime Barb,” Jasmine said pulling out her phone

“Mom, what do you think?”

“You look beautiful.” Your mom said with a tight-lipped smile

“Hey, Barbara, I think your future daughter-in-law found the dress,” Jasmine turned the phone around and as soon as Barbara saw you, she started crying instantly

“You look breathtaking, do you love it?”

“I do, I really do.”

“So, are we saying yes to this dress?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed loudly everyone cheered even Barbara could be heard through the phone. Your eyes went over to your mother and her “smiling” face. You knew that face very well, that’s the face your mom makes every time she’s sees your dad and step mom.

You really didn’t want to but you walked over to her despite the cyclical relationship between the two of you, you wanted…needed her approval of this dress. You want your mom to be just as excited as you are.

“What do you think Mom?”

“You know that dress is so pretty, it would look good on your sister, Mara. I think she has a great body to pull that dress off. She’s not as top heavy as you,” That was it, you were tired of dealing with the bull shit your Mom brought ever since she came into town.

“You know what Mom, I can’t, I can’t deal with this anymore.”

“With what?”

“You! Everything, your comments, you constantly disregarding me, my boundaries. You have had something to say to everything I’ve done. Even down to the way I raise my child!”

“Well, I wouldn’t be a good mother if I didn’t share my thoughts,”

“No, what you’re doing is being controlling and passive aggressive.”

“Calm down, you are being so irrational,”

“No. I’m not Mom, you have been coming at me all day!”

“What is wrong with you? You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

“See! That, that shit right there, you poke at me all day and then you gaslight me when I call you out on it.”

“I have never done that, I’ve been nothing but a good mother to you and your sisters.”

“Mom you’re doing it now!”

“You are so dramatic, just like you’re father. I can’t tell you nothin because you make me feel like I’m beating you down!”

“Because you are! You are constantly criticizing me, it’s like nothing is ever good enough for you!”

“Well, I’m sorry that you think I hurt your feelings.”

“Oh my God Mom!!”

“You’re just too sensitive. It’s my job to tell you about yourself I wouldn’t be a good mother if I didn’t. No one is gonna care about you the way I do.”

“You have a pretty fucked up way of showing it.” There was a silence that fell upon the bridal shop, you’re heart was pounding so loud you could feel it in your ears.

“Well, I guess I’ll be going. I’ll be at the hotel.” Your mom said grabbing her things and leaving. No one said anything for a few minutes until Jasmine approached you

“Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna take the dress off. I don’t think I want to buy this one anymore,”

“Do you want to try on another one?” Amber asked, you shook your head,

“I’m just gonna go home. I’ll call y’all.”

You returned from dress shopping, drained. You knew your mother was a piece of work but you didn’t expect your dress shipping experience to end like that. You were prepared to not find the dress today but not to have a shouting match with your mom in front of your friends.

“Hello? I’m back!” You called out to no response, you checked your hone and didn’t have a text from Daveed you walked further into the apartment and saw that your mom’s bags were gone, maybe she stopped by before going to her hotel. You went into the kitchen and saw a note on the counter

Went out with Ant and Oak. Be back soon!

You sighed heavily wanting nothing else than to spend whatever was left of the day with Daveed and Daniel. Exhausted from your day out, you headed straight for the bedroom and as soon as your body hit the bed, it didn’t take long for exhaustion to take over and you fell asleep.

The weight of the bed sinking is what made you aware that you weren’t alone anymore. Then you felt something crawling on you, you blinked as you awoke and saw Daniel lying on your chest. As soon as he saw that you were awake, he smiled. You sat up and hugged your adorable son.

“Hi Mommy’s baby.” You kissed the top of his head, you looked up and saw Daveed standing in the doorway, smiling at the two of you.

“How was your boys day?”

“It was cool,” Daveed started walking over to the bed and siting on the edge. He looked at your face and knew that something was wrong. “How was your day?” You sighed heavily

“My mom and I got into a fight. I didn’t get a dress today.” You really didn’t want to go into details right now you mentally didn’t have the energy to rehash everything that happened. Daveed moved closer to you and pulled you into his arms.

“I’m sorry babe, I am. Have you heard from your Mom?”

“Nope and I honestly don’t want to. All I want to do right now is spend some time with the two of you.”

“Well, I have a surprise for you in the living room.” You groaned loudly

“I have to get out of bed?”

“Yes, you do. Come on,” Daveed said, you slid out of bed still holding Daniel.

“What’s this surprise babe?”

“You’ll see.” The two of you walked out to the living room and you saw Jasmine and Amber standing in your apartment. Confused you looked back at Daveed who was grinning.

“What are you guys doing here?”

“I called Daveed and told him what happened. So, Amber and I called around and we’re taking you to get fitted for your wedding dress.” You smiled tearfully at your friends.

“You guys,”

“Girl, you know we got you besides what kind of Maid of Honor would I be if I didn’t save the day?” Jasmine said, you looked back to Daveed

“Go ahead babe, I got Daniel. Maybe we can get dinner after your fitting?” You gave him a quick kiss before handing Daniel back to him.

“I’ll text you when we’re done?” Daveed nodded his head before Jasmine and Amber dragged you out the door to create your perfect dress.

#Daveed Diggs #Daveed Diggs Imagine #Hamilton RPF #Black!Reader #Daveed Diggs x Black!Reader #Family is Everything #Hamilton Imagine #Jasmine Cephas Jones #Amber Iman #OFC #elocinnicole #Daveed Diggs x Reader

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serenadeonacanoe · 3 years

Text

Honestly, I'd piss him off on purpose. (Namjoon x OFC)

Pairing: Namjoon x Original Female Character

Genre/Warnings: Smut, Angst, Fluff, too tired to beta

Tags: Artist!Namjoon, Yoongi and Tae are the best flatmates, Enemies to Lovers I guess... more like brats to making out in the storage unit, OFC is an idiot.

Summary:

"Wow. Is that that grumpy artist behind you? Jesus. He really looks like a bit of a dick. And you are right. He really is hot..." Oh no. Speakerphone. Namjoon was standing behind me and was staring at me. Then at my phone. He let out a little laugh, then raised his hand to wave at Tae and Yoongi outside who were now also staring at him as if frozen, before turning around in unison. As if that would help. As if he couldn't see them. Or better even... couldn't hear them.

[...]

Mister Darcy has nothing on Kim Namjoon - that new and upcoming artist you probably already heard of (You haven't? How dare you? At least have the decency to pretend you have!). He is cold, serious, and rather good at making other people believe he is a prick. Especially Elizabeth Bennet - uh... Charlotte - is about to lose it because of him. Maybe in a good way. Man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

CHAPTER 1

Even the sound of my own nails rhythmically tapping on the top of the counter was annoying me. To be fair, it didn't need much today to blow my fuze that had never been particularly long in the first place. But after a week consisting of being belittled by old white men and endless hours of unpaid overtime I about had it. Welcome to the art world. You know well before you enter that the hours are horrible and the job market is more than frustrating, but you love art and you have good organisational skills, you are resilient, charming when it counts and tend to romanticize things even when you know you shouldn't. It's too late to turn around now.

"That is why I don't use an agenda or notebook. If something is important enough for me to attend I simply won't forget. I know you youngsters are all about the bullet journaling and expressing yourself by mapping out your life but it really is just another way to procrastinate instead of getting to actual work." For a second I considered throwing my damn notebook in the buyer's face, but that probably wouldn't have helped my CV and the new job I would have to look for starting tomorrow. At least I should have screamed at him a little. Mainly, that I didn't care, that I was on my period and my shitty shower in the shitty flat i shared had broken and no dry shampoo in the world had fixed my hair this morning and that god damn it, how the hell was I supposed to remember every phone number, every call my boss had to take, every art handling transport I had organized if I couldn't write it down somewhere. Instead, I smiled. Died a little on the inside and complimented him on the gift of his exceptional memory and asked whether he would like another cup of coffee.

"What a dick." Samantha murmured, more to herself than me, after the guy had finally left, which made me snort under my breath. She usually didn't say much but when she did it was usually pure gold. In the end, it didn't matter that he was. Didn't matter that everyone at the gallery thought the art he had bought from us over the last couple of months had neither been smart nor impressive purchases. Mainly expensive. And flashy.

"Doesn't matter now." I said in a sigh after a quick glance at the clock. It was Friday night and we were about to close. Since it was my birthday on Monday I had taken two days off, about the longest break I had had this year and I was looking forward to being the lazy slob for a few days I was maybe always meant to be. In silence we answered a few last emails, tidied up the desks and counters so that potential buyers that would come in over the weekend wouldn't have to suspect anyone was actually working here. - A white desk. A huge Imac on it. That was all they needed to see, folders and pens and apparently especially agendas to be hidden away in drawers.

At five to eight I threw on my coat and Samantha just gave me a tired smile. Probably happy for me, just exhausted. "Have fun then? Don't get too wasted?" "Oh..." I said with a huge smug grin on my lips. "You have no idea... gonna take a bottle of Moët with me from the bar and drink it in my bathtub after eating a huge pepperoni pizza by myself and dancing to only the finest of 90s Euro Trash." I couldn't help it, apparently, I felt it necessary to give Sam a little demonstration, waving my arms up and down while swaying my hips in a way that I'd probably would not have if it hadn't been for a bit with an audience of a single person. Or maybe two?

A quiet scoff behind me and I quickly turned around, slowly lowering my arms, Sam biting her lower lip at the sight of me standing there like an idiot in front of HIM of all people.

Men didn't have to be old to annoy me. Or white. Yes, those were the ones that pissed me off most usually, but no one had managed to do so as much as Kim Namjoon recently. And now he was standing there, looking me up and down and stopping at my hair. The crazy too-much-dry-shampoo-because-the-shower-broke-hair. "Nice." He just commented and then looked over at Sam. "I'd like to take a last look before Sunday's opening if that is okay?" I stood there, my shoulders dropping, completely ignored.

"Uhm, actually, my babysitter has to leave in about an hour and I will have to be home before that." Samantha replied and I was impressed by how calm she stayed. "Of course." Namjoon said and gave her a slight smile. "Anyone else still around? Chris maybe?" Of course Chris hadn't been in today. It was Friday and unless important guests had announced themselves the owner of the gallery wasn't around on Fridays... "I am afraid not. But maybe Charlotte has a few minutes?" Well. Thanks. Thanks a lot. I felt a little betrayed. "Wouldn't want to keep anyone from their important Moët-Pizza-Dance Party plans." Namjoon replied before I could say a word. His voice once more dropping to a hushed, deep disapproval and his hands buried in the pockets of his rather expensive looking coat. Silence for a few moments and then he just walked off towards the room his exhibition had been set up all week. Showing without a further word that I would have to stay anyways if he wanted it that way.

"Well thank you for pushing me under the bus like that. Really appreciate it." "I am so sorry. But I was serious, I can't lose this babysitter. She got Jamie to eat vegetables. VEGETABLES!" Samantha suddenly seemed in a rush, grabbing her jacket and purse and showering me in promises she would make it up to me. Even though we both knew that wouldn't happen and wasn't necessary. Suddenly having to stay longer was normal. I just hated that it had to be today. And because of him.

I heard the door close behind Sam and I stood there for a second before putting my bag down again. Usually, I would have followed the artist, asking if I could somehow help, but nahhh... my ego was bruised up enough now, especially remembering the little dance. I closed my eyes. Fucking hated the guy. Always had. Well, not quite. I had thought he was cool for about five minutes when he had come in the first time. We had heard about him for quite a few months before, I think I had even seen pictures of him at some point, but those were nothing compared to him in real life. He came in all cheekbones and sharp chin and an all grey outfit, quick pace, observant gaze. Incredibly hot. He had also completely ignored me.

That's how it had started - a bruised ego. He couldn't know that it was my weak spot. Having studied art and its management and now feeling like a better secretary at times, when my colleagues and I were doing all the behind the scenes work while Chris worked very little hours and ended up with all the money and recognition. I was aware this wasn't the only field of work where this was the case, but it still frustrated me... I had imagined my life in the last years of my 20s to be a bit more glamorous than living in a tiny apartment on the outskirts of the city... spending my Friday night waiting for some rude artist dude to leave so I could lock up.

But what I perhaps hated most about him... was that I admired him. - Purely for his art. Really. Even the fact that he kept acting as if I wasn't around every time he came in didn't mean I couldn't admit that. At least to myself. The stories behind his huge colleagues were clever and thought through, but even without context, the pure aesthetics were mesmerizing. It was the kind of art that touched something deep inside of you and standing in front of it I always had a hundred questions. Whenever he brought in a new piece I was the first one to sneak a peek in the back rooms before it was hung.

"I don't get why you have such a problem with him. He is just... quiet. I think he might even be shy... stop being so sensitive and just ask him out already." I had almost strangled Sam for that comment a couple of weeks back. Stop being so sensitive. What did that even mean? Comments like that made me want to cry and scream at the same time, which probably would have been perceived as even more sensitive, but when had insensitivity become something to strive for? I had only kept quiet because I liked Sam and I knew what she had tried to say. At least I thought so. That I might have given less of a shit if I hadn't been rather attracted to Namjoon. Even though I had never mentioned it, she just knew. She knew if I didn't care about something I didn't waste my time on it. But if something made me angry or upset there was usually more to it. I hated that she could read me that easily. But he was still a dick and I still wanted to go home.

He took his sweet time. After an hour I walked up to him, a little speech prepared in my head about how he could come back first thing tomorrow. But when he turned around he just raised a hand between us to keep me from interrupting and turned away again. I hadn't seen that he was on the phone. "No, it's nothing, just one of the gallery employees." I heard him say and okay... if I wasn't about to explode before I was now. I stood there for a minute, fuming, and then simply walked back to the office area, my hand shaking when I started turning off the gallery lights one by one. It wasn't as satisfying as I had hoped but still felt good. Two minutes later the only lights still on were the one above my head and the one in front of the door. I would at least give him a clear direction where to head, he seemed to need it.

When Namjoon appeared out of one of the dark corners he looked even more annoyed than usual. Looking my direction through squinting eyes and his tongue pushing against the inside of his cheek. "Seriously?" he yelled my way and almost walked into one of the little flyer shelves. Wasn't the first time I had seen that happen to him though so maybe that had nothing to do with the light.

I felt oddly triumphant. By the time I had put on my coat and turned off the remaining lights, ready to finally lock up, Namjoon had almost found his way, standing in the open door, still on his phone. A little groan from my side when he didn't even notice that I was standing behind me went by unnoticed. Or simply ignored. But instead of the appropriate clearing of the throat or the maybe less polite squeezing past him, I just put my hands on his back and gently pushed him forward a bit, until his feet hit the pavement and he turned around. Dropping his hand with the phone in it, for a second he looked like he wanted to push back. Or trample me.

"Okay, what the hell is your problem, Charlotte?" His voice was hoarse. His eyes dark. God, he was hot. I hated him so much. "You." I simply replied and stared at him for a second, then turned around and locked the two locks on the door before stepping over to the alarm system. I couldn't help feeling smug because apparently, he knew my name. I imagined him staring at the back of my head because he was flustered, but couldn't be sure. All I knew was that when I turned around again a minute later he was still standing there, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his lips pressed together forming a straight line and watching me.

"Do you always act like that at work around people who could get you into trouble?" He was right, he could get me into trouble. But I was too fired up now, my heart racing. "Is that a threat?" "An observation." "Only around the ones I don't like." "Cool." "Great." "Enjoy the dance party. Sounds shit."

And with those words he had turned around, coat flying open in the wind, unfortunately making him look really cool as he walked away and I ABSOLUTELY HATED HIM. I kept my mouth shut and just walked off in the other direction, realizing minutes later that my car was parked the other way, but I kept walking for a while before I finally turned around. It took a while to calm down and only cuddling up to my cat on the couch to trash tv finally did the job. But by then I had realized something I wasn't sure I liked too much. Yeah, I thought he was a prick. And yeah I should have just played it cool. Would have been much smarted in many regards. But I also had somewhat enjoyed myself in the most fucked up way.

Seeing that stern look, that intense posture as he was towering over me... man, I'd literally piss him off on purpose.

More chapters on AO3

#namjoon fanfic #bts fanfic #namjoon x reader #namjoon smut #namjoon angst #namjoon fluff #artist!namjoon

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paper-n-ashes · 3 years

Text

The Late Shift - Part 2

Characters: Paul Sevier x Female Reader

Words: 2k

Warnings/Tags: Little inklings of sexual themes. Otherwise we’re still in PG territory. Oh and mutual pining from two idiots. My favourite kind.

Authors Note: One shot? I don’t know her. Honestly, I don’t have any excuse. I just felt the urge to continue on with this dumb fluffy story because it makes me feel a little warm and fuzzy inside and I needed that. Will we drive this car straight into smut town afterwards? Ah you’ll just have to see.

Catch up with Part 1 here

Paul always considered himself a smart guy. Perceptive, knowledgeable, with years of grueling education behind him to be where he is today.

His schooling, work, almost every minute of his waking moments was spent in the realm of artificial illustrations of correspondence. He could happily spend hours sifting through the words and numbers that made up all types of message transmission, might even admit he had a talent for decoding their significance and origin. Exchanges born from machinery were easy to analyse – they had set rules and gave little room for differing interpretation. He was comfortable in that world. Knew how things worked, what paths data and carefully devised information would take.

Human communication was infinitely harder to navigate. It was a skill he knew he was lacking in, compared to others at least. His words never came out the way he wanted, he struggled to say exactly what was wished to convey and agonised over the fact expression and tone could morph any remark into something with a whole different meaning.

Every day, he encountered people who used this as a tool - a weapon to obscure the truth and conceal hidden agendas. It was hard not to, working for the US government. In time, he’d become cynical. Wary of what people spoke aloud, assuming it was all said without much sincerity or reliability unless proven otherwise.

And then after another arduous day, there you were. Out of nowhere. Kind. Honest. Genuine. Within such an excruciatingly short interaction, you’d exuded all these traits so effortlessly. A breath of fresh air after being smothered by the smog the rest of his life contained.

Paul would easily admit his attraction to you was surprisingly swift. The rapturing smile you wore when you’d looked up from your notepad had him snared from the moment it appeared, an aura of natural vibrance and radiant energy shimmering out from your animated expression. What he’d expected to be a dry, tedious endeavour turned into a spark-filled scene, where an excited stranger made him feel both horrendously nervous and unusually at-ease. It had been a long time since someone made him feel like that.

It had also been a long time since he’d asked someone out on a date, for more than a few reasons. The more prolific Paul became in his job, the more unpredictable and unstable his life outside of it was. It took him across the country at a moments’ notice and consumed most hours of his day, meaning forging even short relationships was fairly difficult.

Plus… he just wasn’t good at it. Putting himself out there. He was shy, paralyzingly so. It’s not exactly something he could refute. His confidence was always born from experience and understanding, in knowing the reasons behind why things worked the way they did, along with being able to calculate what would happen next. No textbook could ever cover the entire spectrum of human personality, and there was no way to truly predict what a person might do or say.

So, without the security of knowledge behind him, uneasiness and apprehension took over in most of his social interactions, particularly with those he felt a magnetism to. It’s exactly how he thought he seemed during his time with you. Awkward and floundering. Not exactly the most charming attributes for a man to have. And yet, the longer he was in your presence, the more he sensed those foibles fade into the back of his mind.

Talking to you was easy. Easier than it had been with anyone during a first meeting. What hadn’t been easy was enduring the seconds your touch grazed over him in your delicate workings while taking each different measurement - his heart beating a little faster, his muscles becoming a little more tense. When you’d eventually let your stare reach his, he’d seen how your eyes moved to trace the lines of his mouth, and it set his insides on fire. He’d been frozen by the unique type of burn, his body locked in place while a rare impulse begged him to sink his lips onto yours. In the past, he struggled to kiss a woman even after several dates, unable to push past the fear and doubt to turn his desire into action. However, in that moment, he’d been all too eager. His hand had moved on its own accord, fingers slinking up your waist, about to pull you closer when interruption instantly shattered his resolve.

The urge was still there in the dialogue that followed, although the promise of seeing you tomorrow made it easier to walk away, safe in the knowledge he had another opportunity to ask you out when his confidence was properly steeled. For once, he could be smart about this. Use his natural intellect to plan and act accordingly, giving him the best odds of securing more time with you.

Oh, but that all went to shit when your text message popped up on his phone screen. Seeing those words, even if they were meant for someone else, made his excitement reach an unfathomable peak, and in turn made him recklessly send a response without taking a second to think about the consequences.

And now, Paul had never felt so stupid in his entire life.

Sitting in the driver’s seat, the phone in his palm lit up with your conversation on display, he felt his stomach spasm with anxiety. Were you going to reply? What would you say? What if his bluntness freaked you out? What if you weren’t even talking about him? Was this all something his mind conjured up?

As the minutes passed without any sign of a response, the initially minor sense of panic began to compound, weighing heavy on his chest, the chaos of his mind soon melting into one certainty - he’d totally fucked this up.

About to slump his forehead into the steering wheel in a display of despondency, Paul suddenly felt a flash of courage at remembering the view of your face peering up at him. He knew the image of it would haunt him if he didn’t do something. He had to fix this. Explain himself. But it needed to be in person. He wouldn’t let technology mess this up for him again.

With a purposeful breath, Paul exited his car and began to retrace his steps past the other shopfronts, silently rehearsing what he wanted to say to you. He hoped to surrender himself to a collectively embarrassing situation, laugh off the turn of events, having it all culminate in an offer of dinner once your shift had finished. He already had a place in mind, only a street away, a little dumpling house that was always open late. Perfect for a cosy, quiet date after a chance meeting.

When his eyes latched onto your figure through the glass window, he stopped his hand from reaching for the door handle. You were crouching down in front of a small boy, his mother behind him cradling a newborn baby, your hand gesturing towards an array of child size suits. Paul couldn’t help but watch as your warming smile beamed, guiding the boys hands to touch and feel over the material, your words evidently making him feel more at ease as his expression slowly relaxed out of its worried frown.

Creeping backwards to make sure you didn’t catch him in your periphery, Paul felt a wave of relief wash over his skin, having evidence that your lack of reply wasn’t due to any of the worst case scenarios he’d been fretting over. You were just busy, concentrated on your work, giving your time and expertise to others in the same way you’d given to him.

The realisation was enough for him slink away, still impatient for your next encounter but assured in it being set within the next day cycle. He just had to wait.

Although, waiting wasn’t exactly a talent of his either.

You were dying inside.

A friendly grin was plastered on your face as you conversed sweetly with the woman in front of you, making idle chit-chat while her son changed out of the suit you’d picked together, but the smile had never felt so insincere. Usually you loved when children came in to pick out ensembles for weddings and similarly formal events, but at the moment your mind was stuck on a small battery-powered rectangle sitting at your desk with a half-written message remaining under your lock-screen.

In the time before Paul’s response came through, you’d never felt more humiliated in your whole existence. Evaporating into thin air would have been a welcomed miracle. But when the returning text slid into focus, your whole mindset shifted.

He felt the same. He wanted you too.

You’d been in the middle of typing out a hasty invitation to come back and make true on his intentions when this overwhelmed mother with a fussy baby caught your attention. Her eldest son had done his best to iron out his only formal suit for the role of ring bearer in an aunt’s wedding this coming weekend, unfortunately resulting an a house full of smoke and a clump of burnt wool.

Personal matters withered into the background at the comprehension of her drained, exhausted demeanour, all your focus pointed back towards the job you’d been distracted from. Well, mostly.

You couldn’t avoid the thoughts and questions glinting in the back of your mind. Of what might have happened if this woman never appeared. What might be happening in an alternate timeline where you’d been able to send that waiting reply. Without intention, your wonderings turned into moving pictures – leading Paul into the back workshop, being roughly picked up onto the cutting table, his lips and yours finally connected in a heated clash, shedding all of his clothing until that heinous mustard shirt was crumpled on the floor-

The high pitched beep of the receipt machine snapped you back into reality, noting the relieved smile the mother wore while her son excitedly grabbed at the bags containing his dashing new suit.

“Thank you!” he hollered without needing to be prompted, waving his hand vigorously before skittering away to the door.

“You’re an absolute lifesaver,” the woman echoed, taking the receipt from your outstretched hand. “I’m really sorry for keeping you so late.”

“Oh don’t worry about it.” The time on the monitor screen just ticked over to 8:17pm, long after you would usually shut up shop and head home to your empty apartment. “I've got nowhere special to be.”

You each said your goodbyes, waiting until the precise moment her silhouette was out of sight before jumping to your phone. The same half written message was there, but now it felt impossible to finish. All traces of adrenaline had long since worn off, and the bravery that made you type out the risqué proposition was reduced to almost nothing. Your timid nature rushed back in full force, a thumb pressing hard on the little x button to erase all evidence of your out of character impulses.

Who were you kidding. You weren’t this person. Unashamed and brazen enough to dive into a fiery entanglement with a handsome stranger in the same evening you’d met. You wished you could be. There was never a time the concept was so enticing. But… it was a fantasy not meant for you to live out. They were destined for the outgoing, the cool and composed, the bold and sure-footed. You rarely felt like any of those things. And Paul, like most men, probably reserved their interest and attraction for those types of women. It was so silly of you to think any different. Getting your hopes up was foolish, and would only end in-

The tingle of the shopkeepers bell sounded, internally groaning as you slid your phone back onto the desk. “We’re closed,” you hawked, a coldness in your tone you couldn’t hide. Eyes snapping up to the intruder, a bolt of lightening shot through, barely able to stop the delight mixing into your blood.

“I just, uh, figured out something more that I needed,” Paul said softly, scratching the back of his neck, clearly nervous.

“You did?” you breathed. “W-what was it?”

His chest rose and fell with a calming exhale, making sure your stares were secured before giving his answer. “…You.”

Tagging some lovelies who might want to read. Feel free to let me know if you don’t want to tagged in future works!

@tlcwrites @roanniom @princessxkenobi @hopeamarsu @blowthatpieceofjunk @mariesackler @leatherboundriot @foxilayde @modernpaw @cornmousequeen @direnightshade @mylifeisactuallyamess @caillea @jynz-andtonic @paterson-blue @miraclesabound @prismaticpizza @millenialcatlady

#paul sevier #paul sevier x reader #paul sevier x female reader #adcu #adcu fanfiction

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illogicalpunkwrites · 3 years

Text

Drive Me Crazy

Hi everyone! So this is a part 2 to The Cave (click the link to read!) that someone asked about (for some reason it won’t let me tag you but I’ll message you!). Thank you so much for reading!

Pairings: Leonard McCoy X Kirk!Reader

Rating: T

Words: 2.1K

Warnings: Angst, injury, comfort, confessions, cursing

Tagss; @theweepingvulcan91 @bloodangelballerina

You could tell that Len was tense as you and Jim sat on biobeds. You clutched at your side that was still bleeding, spreading pain throughout your entire body. You’d gotten hit by a rival tribe arrow trying to take over a peaceful settlement between the main tribe on the planet and Starfleet studying the flora for medicinal properties. Jim suffered from a sprained ankle that got twisted in a trap set, something he know you’d never let him live down.

It all happened so fast and you didn’t have any time to think, just act. Even with an arrow impaled in you, you had to grab the explosive they made so it wouldn’t kill anymore of the villagers or other Starfleet members. You grabbed the device and threw it just in time so it hit the enemy. It made them retreat and it also made you pass out.

You hissed and Len pressed down on your wound before he quickly hit you with a hypospray, the whispering sound being one that you had been used to for quite some time. He quickly got to work as Christine ran vitals on Jim.

“Bones, what’s wrong?’ Jim asked and you thought Len’s forehead was going to pop out of his head. It reminded you of when the two of you refused to get along.

“Nothing.” He got to work suturing you up, making you lay down. It had barely pierced your large intestine but your blood rushing with the adrenaline made you bleed out faster back on the planet.

“Len, I’m fine.”

“The hell you are.”

Christine and Jim looked at each other as she put away her tricorder and turned off the machine behind him.

“Just rest for a few days, Captain. Keep your ankle elevated and you’ll be fine.” She replied and he nodded.

“Bones, we had everything under-”

“Don’t you are say you had everything under control, Jim! She could’ve died! She went after a live explosive!” Leonard snapped.

“I knew what I was-”

“She did what she had to do to protect the village! I was out for the count and she stepped up!” Jim replied.

“She should’ve-”

“Hey! I’m right here so talk to me!” You snapped. “I did what I had to do, McCoy! If I hadn’t then the entire team would be dead! I did what I was supposed to do, I did my goddamn job. Now it’s yours to patch me up.” That reminded him of an argument you two had not too long ago. With a grumble under his breath he quickly finished you up.

“You’ll be fine soon. Take it easy if that’s somewhere in your job description.” He walked out of the room to care for other patients on the other side and you and Jim looked at each other.

“Alright, we’ve been in scraps like this before but he’s never acted like this.”

“I know. I think it’s been a stressful day for everybody.” Christine sighed and went ahead trying to sterilize some equipment.

“That’s for sure. Good work down there but next time we need to be more careful.” You laughed but winced and grabbed at your side.

“Sure, we’ve been saying that since we were kids. Go get some rest.” He walked out of medbay as you put your regulation uniform back on to get back to your room.

“He was upset, y’know.” Christine said, making you spin around. “You scared him when they told him you were unresponsive. He thought you had died, Commander. After he found out what you did and that you had a pulse, that’s when he got angry.”

“He’s always angry.”

“Not with you anymore. I know he enjoys the time you spend together after the cave incident.” You looked down at your boots pensively. Your job was dangerous, what you did was dangerous, but it ultimately ended the fight and saved everyone that you were trying to protect. But maybe you had been too harsh on Leonard. However, it wasn’t helping that he was talking to Jim about you rather than talking to you directly. It made you feel like a child again, like Jim was supposed to be your keeper. “Just take some time to heal. Maybe while you’re doing that you can talk to Dr. McCoy.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

XXXXXX

You sighed down at your PADD as you wrote the report for the previous day. After being stitched up, you pretty much all but passed out on your bunk. When you came back to reality, you knew that talking to Leonard had to be on your agenda but You couldn’t bring yourself to him. It was weird though. You usually talked every day but it had been over 24 hours at this point.

Taking one last sip of your liquor, you put on some flats and slipped out of your room. His room wasn’t too far away, but you also knew that he stayed in his office when he was stressed so he might not be there. You gave a soft knock on the door and you had wished you put on some pants instead of shorts with your baggy academy crewneck.

He opened the door but he didn’t look excited to see you like every other time you would visit.

“Hey, can I come in?” He moved out of the way for you and closed the door. “Can we talk?”

“Are you going to apologize?” You sighed and he took a sip of his bourbon. “Then there’s nothing to talk about.”

“Leonard, what do you want me to do?” You sat down in one of his chairs as he walked to the opposite side of the room.

“I just told you.”

“If I hadn’t done what I did then everyone would be hurt or dead! I’m sorry that I snapped at you. I shouldn’t have done that. But I’m not going to apologize for doing what I was trained to do.”

“To kill yourself? That’s what they trained you to do?” You felt your blood boiling over and you wish he would just understand.

“To maximize the probability of my team living is what I was trained to do, Len!” You flinched when his glass harshly hit his desk as he spun to face you.

“Do you have any regard for yourself whatsoever? Do you ever think about your own well-being? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, you get injured more than anyone on this damn ship! Do you even care about what happens to you?”

“Of course I do but one life is not as important as twenty others!” His brows furrowed at you.

“What?”

“My life isn’t as important as-”

“WELL IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME!” He yelled and your eyes widened. He breathed out slowly and sat down at the foot of his bed. “It’s important to me. When they told me you were unresponsive, bleeding out...I didn’t know what to do with myself. I kept thinking about all the things that we hadn’t done yet, all the things I hadn’t told you, never gotten the chance to tell you. All the things you would have never known.” You were quiet, sheepish even. You searched around for the right words to say but you thought they might never come. He had his face buried in his hands, no doubt embarrassed by his outburst.

“My job is dangerous, Len. It’s hard knowing every time that I leave this ship it could by my last time seeing everybody. But I do it because I want to keep everyone else safe.”

“That doesn’t always have to come at the cost of you.” He replied and you nodded.

“It often does. It kills me every time someone on my team gets hurt or dies. I always think about what I could’ve done or...” You shook your head and sat down next to him. “The worst times are when I’m away from the ship and...something happens when I’m not here but you are.” He lifted his head from his hands to look at you but you couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. “If something were to happen to you and I wasn’t there I don’t know what I would do. It fucking kills me thinking about that. I know that I need to be more careful and I’m sorry for scaring you. I’m just tired of being scared, of feeling guilt. But now I know I’m just making everyone else feel scared.”

“I forget how many people you’ve lost on this mission.”

“And I forget how often you have too.” You were both silent but the room didn’t have the same energy. Tense? Yes. Anger? Not anymore.

“I just...I can’t imagine not seeing you every day. You’re always on my mind and you drive me crazy. You’ve driven me crazy since the day you stepped aboard with your stubbornness and quick one liners.”

“Pot calling kettle black.” You sniffed and he chuffed.

“But you’re courageous, funny, thoughtful. I’ve never met a person as caring as you. Even though that often comes out as suicide missions. I...darlin’ I can’t let anything happen to you.” He cupped your cheek and forced you to look at him. “You mean...you are...I’m not good at this shit. I haven’t done it in a while.” You smiled softly and leaned into his hand.

“I promise I’ll be more careful.”

“That’s all I’m asking.” He replied.

“You’re not too bad yourself, y’know? Yeah you’re stubborn and sarcastic but you care. You’re an amazing doctor, strong-willed, funny, have excellent taste in liquor. I know it’s pathetic but I hated that we didn’t talk at all yesterday. I missed seeing your handsome face.” He laughed and got a smug grin.

“Handsome, huh?” You rolled your eyes. “Lemme try this again and I hope this is what you’re trying to say too. I like you, a lot. Honestly I liked you even when I hated you. I want to be with you so you can drive me crazy all the time.”

You swore your breathing stopped but your heart kept beating rapidly. You felt like you might implode or pop your sutures. You couldn’t respond with words, so you did the next best thing.

You threw yourself at him, sutures be damned. You arms wrapped around his neck as you pressed your lips against his, His lips were a little chapped and still had the taste of the bourbon he was drinking but he was soon kissing you back with the same intensity. His fingers threaded through your hair as his other hand went to your lower back, sliding a little underneath you crewneck to caress the skin there. Even though you initiated it, you were tense but you soon melted against him.

“Len...”

“I shoulda said it sooner, before I thought you were dead.” You rested against him, your head against his chest to feel his heartbeat.

“I...Len I’m so sorry. I just want to do my best.”

“And as long as you do your best to stay alive, that’s all I need.” He replied, his fingers digging into the small of your back. You couldn’t fight back the tears in your eyes anymore and a few dripped down.

“I love you, Leonard McCoy.”

Now it was his turn for his breathing to stop. His grip tightened on you and his eyes closed. He’d been wanting to hear that for so long.

“I feel like I have for a long time, even when I was supposed to hate you. I mean, you’re Jim’s best friend.” He chuckled against you.

“A forbidden fruit?” Somewhere he thought that Christine’s head was probably exploding.

“In a sense.” You smiled. “But I can’t...I can’t do this anymore. I can’t pretend that I don’t feel this way. When I woke up today in medbay all I could think about was you, our nights together, the cave. I promise I’ll be better, I’ll do better to take care of myself. Even if you can’t say it back, I’ll do better because I know what I’ve caused you to feel. What I’ve caused others to feel.”

“I love you too, darlin’. Have for a while.” You smiled and looked up at him, making him lean down and give you another kiss. He wiped away the tears silently rolling down your cheeks. “I’ll always be there to patch you up, to do my job. But just make it less of a habit.” You nodded and rested your forehead against his.

“Is it alright if I stay the night?”

“Your sutures-”

“Leonard McCoy! I’m a lady! I simply want to spend time with you and fall asleep in your incredibly comfortable bed.” You gasped mockingly, making him chuckle. “I just need to be with you right now.” He maneuvered you both so you were comfortably on the bed and under the covers, Your head was still on his warm chest and you looked out at the small window he had at the stars. You remembered how in the cave you told him you didn’t see yourself settling down. Well perhaps it was written in the stars that it would actually happen with the man you once detested.

“So, when are we going to tell Jim?”

“Um...”

(Part 3 of Jim finding out and the ensuing chaos?)

#Leonard McCoy #leonard mccoy x reader #star trek #star trek TOS #star trek aos #Star Trek Fanfiction

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beewolfwrites · 3 years

Text

And When I am Formulated, Sprawling on a Pin - Chapter Eight: Mad to Live, Mad to Talk

The eighth instalment of my Chishiya x OC/reader fic - you can find it here on AO3 too.

Thank you to the people who always leave likes and comments, seeing/reading them honestly makes my day :) xx

As for what I mentioned in my last update, I’ll add the references as a chapter at the end of the fic (because some of them will give away spoilers!)

Speaking of spoilers, you guys probably connected some dots (a la hoodie)

Sorry, I'll stop talking - enjoy!

--------------------------------------------------------------------

The drawl of his voice stretched like a lifeline, pulling me back to myself. Back to the bar.

Chishiya was slouched against the counter, idly watching the scene before him. His eyes dropped to the gun, before rising to meet mine. There was nothing in them, not amusement, not even cruelty. Nothing. They were emptier and darker than they’d ever been. And yet at that moment, I had never been more overjoyed to see him.

‘You should probably put that thing away,’ he said. ‘Hatter won’t be too happy if you start messing with her. He’s got high expectations of her.’

The man pushed the gun further into my skin, sending bursts of anxiety through me. I didn’t want him to pull the trigger accidentally. If he shot me in the stomach, it’d be a slow, painful death.

‘You know Chishiya, I’m pretty sick of you interfering all the time. You should stay out of militant business.’

Chishiya eyed the man with disinterest. ‘Militant business. It’s fascinating what you guys do. You take out the trash and dish out the sentence, but you never check the evidence.’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’ the man snarled. ‘Just shut up and stay out of this.’

‘What I’m saying is that you never bother checking to see if the ‘traitors’ are actually traitors. It’s surprisingly easy to slip a few cards into someone else’s room.’

The tension peaked, and I winced as the fingers around my wrist tightened painfully. Then just as quickly, he released me. He hissed a spew of threats in Chishiya’s face, then stormed off. I hadn’t understood a word, but either way, Chishiya was completely unbothered.

Now that we were alone, he barely even spared me a glance. I half-wondered why he was here. He wouldn’t have come to the bar just to help me. But I also couldn’t picture him as a drunk. As if to answer all the questions floating around in my head, Chishiya signalled to the bartender and said two words.

‘お水をください’ Water, please.

Knowing him, he’d say that alcohol clouds your mind and dulls your rational thinking skills. The bartender set the glass on the counter, but Chishiya didn’t walk away, but sipped his water.

‘Thanks,’ I muttered, although helping me was likely never on his agenda. ‘I’m guessing stuff like that’s pretty common around here.’

‘Well, there are only three rules,’ he said. With one side glance, he zeroed in on the hoodie Kuina had given me. ‘Right now, you’re not allowed to go roaming the city alone because you’re still new, and that makes you a liability. But the next time you’re in a game, you’ll be paired with one of the executives, or someone else with a high rank. If you ask, they’ll go with you to find new clothes.’

I didn’t know how he knew the hoodie wasn’t mine. But I had given up trying to figure out how Chishiya’s mind works.

Before I could ask, he spoke, catching me off guard once again. ‘Come on, Kuina’s waiting for us.’

----------------------------------------------------

That night, I had found out that Kuina and Chishiya were actually friends. Sort of. It was hard to tell. They hung around together and joked like friends, but instinctively I could tell that Kuina didn’t completely trust him. The days passed quickly, and despite the obvious tension between the militants and the other executives, I found myself actually enjoying it. It was hard not to, with hot water and all.

I spent my days pestering Chishiya to teach me Japanese properly (which he never did). And Kuina and I would chat about the real world. She told me about her mother’s sickness, and how she was desperate to get back to the old world so she could look after her properly. But when she asked about my own life, I filtered a lot of things out. I explained how I was visiting Japan with my brother, and how I had been trying to learn Japanese on and off for a few years just so that I could visit. But when it came to my personal life, I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about it.

‘話せば長くなる,’ I told her. It’s a long story.

The days seemed to dry up under the heat of the sun, and sure enough, my visa was due to expire.

Sitting cross-legged on my bed under the late afternoon rays, I couldn’t help but feel apprehensive after my last game… my first Hearts game… meeting Niragi and Aguni… the laser tag guns… the ball pit… the teenage girl. It had all collected into one big mass, and my throat tightened at the thought of the blood, the darkness.

No, I tried to tell myself. It’s different now. We’ll be put into teams, and I won’t be alone. We’ll clear the games together.

With slightly more resolve than before, I climbed off the bed and quietly left my room, only my stomach dropped when I saw the nasty surprise waiting for me on the other side of the door.

Niragi was leaning against the opposite wall, and the moment I exited, he shot me a grin. I had no idea what he was doing there, probably militant business, so I nodded at him in acknowledgement, then headed down the hall. I knew something was seriously wrong when I heard his footsteps stalking behind me.

‘Niragi,’ I greeted him.

‘Shorty,’ he replied, now walking beside me. ‘You really shouldn’t ignore people, you know. It’s rude as fuck.’

What does he want with me of all people?

‘私を待っているとは知らなかった,’ I told him honestly. I didn’t know you were waiting for me.

‘Ch, as if. I waited there for half an hour. Where the hell are you off to anyway?’

I held out my bandaged arm. ‘これがまだ痛い。だから医療室ではアンに会う.’ This still hurts, so I’m meeting An in the medical room.

Overall, it had healed pretty well. But after the laser tag game, and being kidnapped by militants, the wound had partially re-opened again.

‘I’ll go with you.’

Why??

My gut instinct was telling me to run away, far away.

We turned a corner, stopping in front of the elevators. When the doors pinged open, the group of girls inside immediately stopped talking once they laid eyes on us. They darted out of the elevator, leaving it empty for Niragi and I to enter. I tried not to feel nervous around him. If he wanted me dead, he’d have just shot me already, so it couldn’t be that.

‘どうして待っていた?’ I asked, slowly. How come you were waiting?

Asking Niragi questions felt like a life-or-death situation. Last time I was rude to him he kicked me in the spine. The man was like a loaded gun; he had to be handled with care.

However, he didn’t reply, and the lingered between us until the elevator stopped at the basement floor. We headed down a long, dark hallway, with exposed cables and pipes suspended from the ceiling. This was starting to feel like a really, really bad idea. Seeing the medical room door, I sped up instinctively, but Niragi’s hand grabbed my shoulder, pulling me back and yanking me around. The movement sent shooting pains down through my injured arm.

‘Chishiya,’ Niragi said, eyes glinting with malice. ‘You’ve become pretty chummy with him recently.’

Wait… what?

‘That’s not…’ I hated the way my voice stuttered. ‘そうじゃない.’ That’s not it….

He clearly wasn’t buying it. ‘Tell me what he’s up to. He’s an arrogant little shit and I know he’s up to something.’

Niragi’s grip was too tight, way too tight, and I could barely think straight through the pain. ‘違うよ,’ I insisted. You’re wrong.

‘Am I? I don’t think so, Shorty. You’d better tell me now before I put a bullet in you.’

I didn’t know whether I was scared or annoyed. My heart hammered in my chest, but I was getting pretty sick of his ridiculous questions. I tore away from his hold, inspecting the sleeve for any spots of blood that could’ve seeped through.

‘Stop doing that! クイナのパーカーを台無しにしたくない.’ I don’t want to ruin Kuina’s hoodie.

His brow furrowed a little at this, but I ignored it. Someone like him probably didn’t care about getting blood on his clothes.

I didn’t know how to say what I meant in Japanese, so all I could do was tell him in English. ‘You’re right about one thing. Chishiya’s awful. But you’re wrong about everything else. He can’t stand the sight of me, except when he’s watching me suffer. So even if he did have some kind of plan hatched up, he wouldn’t bother telling me.’

Niragi pulled away and stood up fully. Despite his visible irritation, he was listening all the same.

Perhaps he knows a little bit of the language?

‘And even then,’ I continued, ‘if he was planning something, why would he bother? You know as well as anyone he’s just in this for his own survival and being here at the Beach is his best shot. It wouldn’t make sense.’

A dangerous look worked its way onto his features. I thought right then and there that he’d attack me, kick me with his boot like he’d done before. But he did the exact opposite. With one hand, he twirled his fingers in a strand of my hair, before softly tucking it behind my ear.

I held my breath as he leaned in. ‘Everything you just said,’ he whispered, ‘is complete bullshit.’

Then pulling away quicker than I could flinch, he readjusted his rifle on his shoulder and took off back down the hall. Then he suddenly stopped, as if remembering something, and looked at me over his shoulder.

‘That hoodie you’re wearing… it’s Chishiya’s.’

-------------------------------------------------------

I must’ve looked like I’d seen a ghost, because when I finally entered the medical room, An immediately asked me if I was feeling ill. I tried telling her that I was perfectly fine, but she insisted on taking a bunch of tests to make sure I wasn’t going into septic shock. I couldn’t tell her that it was closer to actual shock.

Even when I finally left the medical room, I still couldn’t shake it off. Except now, the surprise had worn away, leaving sheer humiliation in its place.

Did Kuina steal it from his room?

When he met me at the bar, he must’ve seen it and wondered where I’d gotten it from. And when he had mentioned asking one of the executives to go shopping with me… he had probably assumed I’d been in his room and taken it.

Oh god…

I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. I wanted to scream and tell him I’m sorry. I wanted to rip the hoodie off and push it as far away from me as I could. But I couldn’t. I still didn’t feel comfortable being so exposed.

‘It’s fine,’ I tried to convince myself, ‘everything’s fine.’ I got into the elevator and pressed the button for the ground floor.

My visa’s due to expire tonight, so I can get a new one for myself. I’ll just explain everything to him. It’s almost game time anyway, so he might be in the lobby.

As the elevator doors opened, I wiped any tears away with my hands, careful not to dirty the sleeves, and headed to the lobby. It was packed with Beach residents, either wishing their friends luck or preparing for the games ahead. I found the little table at the front and took the slip of paper with my name on it.

Group Two.

Then I stepped back, leaning against the wall as my eyes searched the crowds. Sure enough, I spotted a white hood, the thin tendrils of grey-blond hair visible beneath. I waited until he took his slip of paper before I stepped forward.

But there was no need. His eyes locked onto mine from across the room, as if he had clocked onto my presence immediately without showing it. He trudged through the masses, coming to a stop in front of me. I couldn’t help but rub my arms nervously.

‘I’m sorry,’ I blurted out, ‘Kuina gave me this hoodie, and I assumed it was hers and that she was letting me use it. But I just found out from Niragi that it’s actually yours. I didn’t steal it or anything, and I’ve definitely never been in your room. I’m so sorry, I had no idea.’

Chishiya didn’t seem surprised at all, or if he was, he was an expert at hiding it. ‘I know,’ he said, at last. ‘You couldn’t have known where my room was anyway.’

Thinking about it, he had a point. When I started wearing this, I hadn’t even left my own room, so I couldn’t have been in Chishiya’s.

‘I guess you’re right.’

I felt his warmth against my side as he leaned on the wall next to be me. ‘But what I told you at the bar that night still stands,’ he said. ‘Tonight, you’ll get the chance to go looking for any clothes or personal items you want.’

‘Once I get some of my own clothes, I’ll wash this and give it back to you, I promise’ I told him. ‘I just need to find out who the executive in my group is.’

‘It’s me.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Because the executives create the groups,’ he said. ‘And I happen to be supervising you. Normally, when a new member arrives, we do an aptitude test. We observe them in a game to test their abilities, but I’ve already vouched for your abilities, and there were only two executives with an expiring visa.’

‘That’s….’ I trailed off, then something clicked. ‘Wait, who was the other executive?’

Ignoring my question, he went on. ‘Since I’ve already seen your abilities, your only test will be to survive. If you can do that, I’ll go with you to get whatever supplies you need.’

I tried to keep the smile from my face, but I couldn’t hold it back. ‘Sounds like a deal.’

‘Time for the games!’ a voice called out, excitedly, and the whole room erupted into cheers. The masses of Beach members piled through the doors, trying to find their assigned cars and groups.

At the same time, I hadn’t moved at all. I couldn’t keep my eyes from Chishiya’s. He was looking back into mine with that same calculating emptiness. I could see the cogs turning, but I didn’t know what they were turning for.

Then as quickly as it happened, the moment was gone as he left, disappearing into the crowd.

#alice in borderland #chishiya #chishiya shuntaro #chishiya x oc #chishiya x reader #chishiya alice in borderland

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