#i also think an important note is that just cause it’s bad doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it or derive joy from it

[pidges-lost-robot]

I’m not a “everything before season 7 was good” voltron fan, or a “everything before the lion swap was good” fan or a “at least a handful of voltron episodes were good and moving pieces of television” fan

I’m a secret other thing (All of Voltron was bad. No seriously, I recently watched the whole thing and like I’m not even that competent of a writer and even I could tell that every single episode of voltron is either atrociously bad, insulting, or like a good concept that is handled barely competently. Like, if you want to preserve the idea in your head that any episode of voltron was good, only watch Day Forty Seven or Clear Day and skip the plot relevant parts cause that’s it. And before anybody pipes up with ‘The Black Paladins’ was good or ‘the episode where Pidge found her brother was good’ or ‘the first episode was good’, i’m sorry, you’re wrong, it was just the good animation from when they focused the budget on it [on another funny note, if you do watch the whole thing, a great drinking game would be drink every time they do the voltron transformation or that bit where they clearly ran out of animation budget and have a montage if still images slightly zooming in and out of to dramatic music, you will be pissed by the end.] They aren’t good, they really aren’t. Every single episode I watched, I said outloud to the friend I watched it with ‘yeah I think despite remembering this as bad, I still remember it being better written than this’. I will forever have beef with my best friend and Overly Sarcastic Productions for ever recommending this as having good world building.)

#i hope to god i’m not the only person in this category omg xD #i also hope none of this is controversial i have no gauge but also it shouldn’t be cause it ended like 6 years ago or so #i also think an important note is that just cause it’s bad doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it or derive joy from it #like you can find meaning and joy in this ik i have and to a degree do but it is also written badly #it’s like loving a really camp and shit horror movie like i won’t be arguing for its quality any time soon #but i will love it forever #i will forever be entrapped by the concept of this show though #i could literally just watch any other mecha show or power rangers and i will still be here with voltron #voltron #vld #voltron: legendary defender

[fuckaperioddrama]

Theodore Nott Headcanons

Warnings: Theodore / Asshole? | Mentions of Oral Sex / (female receiving) | Sex (P in V) | Fingering | Me Ranting | Curse Words | Let me know if I missed something?

Fem!Reader

Author’s Notes: Kinda realistic, but you have to be a little delulu with the Slytherin boys. FIRST POST!

Proofread, but there's probably still mistakes.

Mattheo Riddle Headcanons

Lorenzo Berkshire Headcanons

Blaise Zabini Headcanons

Tom Riddle Headcanons

Draco Malfoy Headcanons

Masterlist

Minors DNI | 18+

___

Theodore Nott | Physique

6’5 - 6'6 | Sorry, he’s just super tall in my head. I'm a tall girl so let me have this.

Lean, but lanky? He's in the in-between stage.

He doesn’t have a lot of muscle, but you can still see muscle? 

He's a little insecure about his body, especially since Mattheo and Lorenzo are more on the buff side.

Would never go to the gym though, he only works out during Quidditch. 

Resting bitch face, but I feel like this is established. 

HOT AS FUCK! HOT! I MEAN HOT AS FUCK! | Shameless Theo girl. SHAMELESS! |

Theodore Nott | Personality

He’s an asshole, but he’s funny. He’s more on the quiet side, but once in a while, he’ll say something witty that’ll make everyone in the room laugh. 

Don’t get into an argument with him. He has a comeback for everything. It’s actually really fucking annoying. 

So blunt. He won’t share his opinion unless asked or if it’s important to him but don’t ask him unless you want the complete and total truth. 

Plays the piano and guitar. 

He loves books. He reads a lot of romance, but he would never share that with anyone. 

He’s very smart. He studies a little here and there, but mostly he just understands everything naturally. He doesn’t even really have to pay attention that much in class. Something else that’s really fucking annoying. 

I feel like he's not amazing at DADA. He's not bad at it, but he gets in his head sometimes and will mess up.

He’s a homebody, but he’ll go out to parties every once in a while. Mainly to hang out with his boys and keep up appearances. 

He’s prideful. He comes from a good family and he likes to make his presence known. 

A chaser in Quidditch and is ALWAYS showing off. It pisses Draco off so much. 

He smokes, but not a ton. I’d say a pack every 2-3 days. 

Smokes weed though. He’s not reckless with it, but if he’s at a party or relaxing without shit to do? He’s lighting up.

Eats SO MUCH. Especially when he's high. He is always in the mood for food.

Theodore Nott | Casenova

He does have a lot of sex, but it’s usually one woman for a couple of weeks. He doesn’t talk to her outside of their meetups and will (and has) embarrassed a couple of women who even thought it was okay to approach him. 

He’s an ASSHOLE!

The reason why these women keep crawling back? Theodore Nott fucks you like he loves you. He’s so attentive.

A MUNCH! Theodore Nott is a munch, through and through. He's so good at it too.

It's because he speaks Italian. Anyone who speaks the tongue of romance also speaks the tongue of absolutely devouring some pussy. I know that's not true for all, but let me DREAM!

He's also skilled with his fingers. | Piano and guitar player. Duh. |

As previously mentioned, this man is prideful. He will spend hours on a woman pulling out every sound, causing every jolt, and basking in the way they scream his name because it feeds his ego.

He's not doing all of that because he cares, he just likes knowing he's good at what he does. And he is good. 

He’s a dom, and he is ROUGH, but he talks them through it the whole time. SO MUCH PRAISE!

This pussy is mine, toria. All fucking mine. There isn't a single man on this Earth who deserves to feel you like this.

I know, baby. Just cum on my cock one more time. That's all I need. Let me feel you just one more time. 

Fuck, bella, you make me feel so good. 

He'll have them thinking their vag was crafted by Aphrodite herself, meanwhile he's pulling these lines on every woman he fucks.

And when he starts speaking Italian? These women EAT IT UP!

I might be a strong woman, but I'd let this man use me too.

They eat him up too. Not just figuratively. It's become a guessing game for the boys trying to figure out who his hickey came from.

Theo isn't one to kiss and tell. He just smirks and lays his head back, exposing his hickey covered neck as his friends keep asking questions they'll never get the answers to.

And after sex? He’s the perfect, sweet lover. So time after time these women come crawling back despite how he treats them in public and he uses them over and over again. 

Then he gets bored, he moves on to the next woman, and the cycle repeats.

Theodore Nott | Friend

Closest to Mattheo and Blaise 

Talks a lot more around his friends. Jokes left and right. 

Always doing some dumb shit. Pranks with Mattheo? His favorite pastime. 

He likes going out with his boys, being reckless, blowing his money, and just being young. 

He loves his friends because they remind him what it’s like to be free. 

He’d never admit it to any of them, but meeting them was one of the best things that ever happened to him. 

His friends (Aka Draco and Lorenzo) are bullies, but he couldn’t be bothered with that. He’s more of a fuck around a find out type of guy. 

Yes, I believe Lorenzo Berkshire is an asshole. Please don’t come for me. Or do.

He takes care of his friends silently. He won’t ask them how their day is, but he’ll show up with their favorite things whenever he notices them feeling bad. 

Very attentive. He is very in tune with the needs of the group.

Theodore Nott | Boyfriend 

UGH, I LOVE THIS PART

He is used to being an asshole toward women so he’s not sure how to navigate his first relationship 

Gift Giving and Acts of Service

He doesn’t know how to properly express his feelings so he just buys you shit and does stuff for you 

PRINCESS TREATMENT 

I’m talking back rubs, foot rubs, | If you want that. I know some people have a feet thing. | putting on your shoes, zipping up your dress, washing you in the shower or bath, doing your hair, carrying you when your feet hurt. Something broke? He’ll fix it. You need something? Baby, I’ve got it. 

He serves you first in the great hall. He puts your food on your plate first and makes sure you have all of your favorites. He likes to give you food. He likes to eat so he likes it when you eat. 

Buys you flowers. He always keeps a flower from the arrangement so he can tell when yours is about to die. 

Dates 2-3 times a month. 

Always buying you gifts. He will FORCE you to take them. Why should I not spoil you? 

He can be a little misogynistic when it comes to taking care of you.

He's more of a feminist. He doesn't give a shit and thinks women can do whatever they want. However, some gender roles are just ingrained in him.

Do not try to pay for dinner. Don't try to pay for anything while you're out with him. Do you want these people to think I can't take care of my girl?

Will not let you carry anything heavy. In private he might let you get away with it if you argue, but not in public. He's a man and it's his job to act like the man. | I don't mind men like this too much. Like I'm an independent woman, but I'm also a damsel in distress. Please do everything for me.

Anything his baby wants his baby gets. He has a big protector/provider mindset. He will do anything for you because you’re precious and you shouldn’t have to do anything yourself.

Teddy, I’ve got it. 

I know, cara mia, but let me do it. 

His hands are always on you. Physical Touch.

When you first start dating it’s subtle. Hand on your back, hands grazing in the hallways. 

He can be a little possessive. Or a lot. 

He used to fuck the girlfriends of the guys he didn’t like so he doesn’t like when guys come around you. He keeps you close as a way to claim you. 

Toxic

When he gets more comfortable around you it’s a hand on your waist, arm around your shoulder, occasionally smacking your ass.

He’s a thigh guy, but he appreciates everything. Boobs, butt, thighs, neck, arm, whatever. The female body is beautiful and he loves every inch. 

Greets you in the hallways by putting his arms around you from behind. 

Neck. Kisses. Always kissing your neck. Licking your neck. Biting your neck. 

Kisses you like it’s the last time he’ll ever see you. Sometimes it looks like he's swallowing you, your friends think it's kinda gross.

Walks you to each and every class and makes out with you before them 

He just loves to spend time with you. 

Quality Time 

As I mentioned before, he’s a homebody. He loves just staying in with you. After your last class, he always goes to your dorm or you go to his. Study together. Astronomy Tower dates.

He follows you around like a lost puppy. He’s so lover-boy-coded. 

He didn’t pay attention to the girls before you, but he has no problem giving you his full attention whenever and wherever you need it. Call him a simp? He doesn’t care. That’s his girl. 

He can be a little controlling sometimes. He likes to know where you are, and who you’re with. 

He walks you everywhere. You’re meeting up with your friends after he spent two hours railing you against a wall? He’s walking you the whole way, he can't miss a second of you.

And afterward, he always gives you a kiss and a hug goodbye. I’ll miss you, amore. Like you two won’t see each other in a couple of hours. Then he'll keep pulling you closer to him every time you try to break free because he needs just one more kiss. 

He’ll always make you late. Sometimes it's because he is smothering you in kisses. Other times, he spends a good ten minutes holding you and telling you how much he loves you. Words of Affirmation.

Once Theodore Nott is fully and completely comfortable in his love with you he will NOT shut up. He can be so cheesy too, he comes up with the most eye-roll-inducing stuff.

I know I won't make it to heaven, but at least I was given a taste before I go. 

I think someone might have stolen the stars and put them in your eyes.

Then there's the unhinged cheesy ones.

Why should I waste time studying herbs with the power to heal wounds when the only healing power I need is right in between your legs?

Are you the witch who lost her broom? I couldn't find it, but I have something else long and hard that you can ride. I've heard it can last all. night. long.

ON AND ON. HE WON'T STOP.

Then of course you have his more serious declarations of love. Usually when you're sleeping because whenever he tries to say this stuff when you're awake he feels like his heart is about to backflip into his ass. 

When I look at your face, I feel as if the sun finally rises. My world fades from dark to light and in that moment; and only in that moment, I find happiness. I am not a good man, I don't know what I did in life to deserve you but I promise to spend every second making sure I'm worthy of keeping you.

| Alright, that was a little cute. Maybe a little too cheesy, let’s move on. |

Theodore Not | Committed Lover 

Tongue shoved in between your legs 24/7. On his knees in the closet, with you above him sitting on a desk, laying down between your legs, you sitting on his face. Anytime, anywhere he is tasting you like it’s the last thing he ever could do. 

He is so good with his fingers. | Once again guys, he plays piano and guitar. | Fast fingers working you open every chance he gets. 

Seriously every chance he gets. 

He loves fingering you in the middle of class, by the lake, in the hallways, and anywhere in public. | With your consent of course.

I SAID IT ONCE AND ILL SAY IT AGAIN! ROUGH!

He loves doggy. Having you bent over while he smacks your ass raw and dicks you down like a fucking animal.

I mean leg up, holding you back by the ties around your wrist while he thrust his huge ass cock | At least 8 inches and THICK | into your SOAKED and achy cunt because you know he took his TIME getting you ready. 

Literal hours sucking on your clit while he fucked you with his nicely long and thick fingers

Now he’s pounding into you at an unthinkable speed while you’re screaming, tears running down your face, and mind going blank as he fucks you dumb.

He lets you ride him sometimes. He loves seeing you on top, but he still never fully gives you control. He keeps his hands firm on your waist or ass and you can never get away with teasing him for long before he holds you in place and fucks into you like a man possessed.

He likes the soft stuff too. 

Hands holding onto your hips as he grinds his cock into your pussy. 

Head stuffed into your neck as he continuously moans. I could stay here forever. You’re all I need. 

___

A/N: Overall, Theo is a toxic asshole but it’s okay because he magically becomes the perfect gentleman (not really) when we start dating him.

#Theodore nott #Theo nott #Theodore nott x reader #Theodore nott headcanons #Theo nott headcanons #Theo nott x y/n #Slytherin boys #Theodore nott smut #Theo nott smut #slytherin boys smut #Mattheo riddle #lorenzo berkshire #tom riddle #blaise zabini #draco malfoy #slytherin #harry potter #mattheo riddle smut #draco malfoy smut #lorenzo berkshire smut #Blaise zabini smut #tom riddle smut

[mammonsrockstargf]

a/n: hi fellas, i have hypersomnia, which basically just means i fall asleep a lot so here’s the brothers with a very sleepy mc.

At first, the brothers are kind of confused. Demons don’t need as much sleep as humans and they’re baffled by your excessive sleeping. Do all humans sleep so much? Why are you always flaring your teeth at them? (They later learn that this is called yawning.)

Lucifer initially thinks you’re lazy and it honestly bothers him. Simultaneously you remind him of a certain brother, so he also lets many things you do slide. He'll just sigh when you fall asleep 45 minutes into one of his lectures. “I think they understood my point,” he says, before turning to Mammon and continuing his lesson for a good two hours. As you get closer, he understands that you aren't lazy and he even lets you sleep in his office at R.A.D. whenever you need it.

One late evening you trudge into his office, blanket in hand. He looks at you with a raised brow. "Bed, now. You haven't slept properly in like 3 days," you say, while pointing your finger threateningly at him. Much to his own surprise, he finds himself in his bed with you snuggling into his side. He supposes you kind of complete each other in that way, where he sleeps too little, you sleep too much.

The first time you fall asleep during one of your hangouts with Mammon he’s annoyed. He lets you sleep it out because you just look too cute when you’re sleeping, but when you wake up he’s crossing his arms and pouting. “Am I really that boring, huh?” Luckily, we all know the great Mammon can never stay mad with you for too long, so he warms up to you again within an hour or so. If you want you can always speed up the process significantly by giving him kisses or a big hug. It works every single time.

Once he realizes you don’t fall asleep because of him, but because you’re just so damn tired, he stops getting bothered by it. Instead, he just tugs you in, covering you in blankets. He'll even scold his brothers if they're being too loud around you. This just causes them to make fun of him, but always at a lower noise level.

Leviathan is also hurt at first, especially because you fell asleep during an anime marathon. He’s a bit harder to make happy again. He’s absolutely convinced it has something to do with him. No matter how many times you tell him he doesn’t believe you until one day when you fall asleep in the middle of a conversation with Mammon. The sight makes him laugh so hard, he almost falls over.

After that, he doesn’t mind anymore. After all, if you fall asleep around Mammon, then it's probably you who's the problem, not him. He lets you sleep with your head in his lap. He’ll even tread his fingers through your hair, but he’ll never admit that to you when you’re awake. Once you wake up again he’s happy to give you a recap of what you missed in the episode, plus an analysis of the dialogue and the hidden meanings of certain scenes.

Satan doesn’t mind at first, because he likes how it bothers Lucifer. He even helps you get away with it. When you fall asleep during class, he’ll put a book in front of you so the teacher can’t see and he’ll answer the question for you if you’re called on. He even begins to write notes for you. Later it just becomes a habit of his, he does it for you without thinking.

If he’s reading aloud for you and you fall asleep, a smile will tug at his lips and he’ll just continue reading for you. Because of you, he begins researching human sleeping patterns. After he reads that certain foods can make you more energized, he begins to carry fruits and nuts with him, which he offers you whenever you get sleepy.

Asmodeus thinks beauty sleep is very important. It’s only natural that someone as beautiful as you should sleep a lot. Besides that, he’s probably the one who wakes you up from your sleep the most. Too much sleep can be bad for you as well! Besides that, he can't wait for you to wake up to share the insane gossip he just heard. You need to hear it now!

Like with Lucifer, you remind Beelzebub of Belphegor. A lot. His chest hurts when he finds you sleeping in the living room and he carries you to bed. When you fall asleep on his shoulder, he pats your head. He likes just looking at you when you sleep. Not in a creepy way, you just look so peaceful. It soothes the ache in his chest.

If you get too tired while you're out on a trip or assignment, Beel will often offer to piggyback you. Beel is a big guy, he could carry Diavolo around if he wanted to. With you on his back, he barely even registers your weight. His arms hook around your legs and sometimes his fingers will dig into your thighs. He likes the way you wrap your arms around his neck and the way he can feel your breath on his ear, while you whisper things to him. Most of all he likes when you fall asleep and he can hear your soft breathing.

Once you become friends with Belphegor, he’s excited to have a sleeping buddy. You come up to the attic to have your midday nap with him and he immediately opens his arms for you. “I’m serious, Belphie, only one hour,” you say, while setting the alarm on your D.D.D. “You know I can’t sleep for any longer than that.” Belphegor just nods sleepily and traps you in his arms. Once you're asleep, he grabs your phone and turns off the alarm.

When Beel comes to wake you up, saying it’s time for dinner, Belphie just laughs when you slap him lightly and complain that you slept for three hours. After that, you refuse to nap with him anymore until he swears that he won’t mess with your alarm again.

One time you mentioned that you have a hard time waking up in the mornings. The constant night of the Devildom is really messing with your brain. That very same day, a new bed lamp is ordered for you. One of those that imitate the sunrise in the morning, slowly lighting up your room as you wake up. You’re a lot more energetic in the mornings after that, a sight that makes all of the brothers smile your way at breakfast.

thanks for reading! you can find my other stuff here. <3

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me fic #obey me headcanon #obey me fluff #obey me lucifer #obey me lucifer x mc #lucifer #obey me mammon #perse fics #obey me mammon x mc #perse fluff #mammon #perse headcanons #obey me leviathan #obey me leviathan x mc #leviathan #obey me satan #obey me satan x mc #satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me asmodeus x mc #asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me beelzebub x mc #beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me belphegor x mc #belphegor

[solarnomoon]

get a guitar - lee heeseung

your boyfriend every third thursday/best friend not boyfriend/(not-so) secret crush, heeseung, gets a little too tipsy for you.

pairing >>> heeseung x male reader

tags >>> college au, alcohol consumption, confessing feelings???, misunderstanding, slight angst, fluff, comfort, (not super) drunk hee, suggestive content

author's note >>> i have a few things to say. first, this was inspired by drunk heeseung hello he's adorable ･ﾟ･(｡>ω<｡)･ﾟ･ and second, i rly liked riize's debut song! and ik, it's supposed to be fun and innocent, but it's fun to think there's more to it!

the rattling of your bedside table was not uncommon for you to be awakened by, but was what uncommon was the fact that as you open your eyes to silence your phone from the blasting alarm, there was no light that peered through the curtains, causing you to groan at being woken up so early.

you reach for your phone and see who dared to wake you from your slumber, and after your eyes adjusted to the bright light, you immediately pick up seeing sunghoon’s name. you figured it was important as sunghoon has never once called you, the reason being as he hates calling and only texts, dms, hell, even replies on twitter.

“hello?”

“h-hey y/n!” the voice that rang through was not sunghoon, now keeping in mind that technically, sunghoon had still never rung you. “what’s going oonnn!”

it’s not like you didn’t recognize the voice though, “sunoo? not much, but it’s fucking… 1:30 in the morning, what’s up?” you slowly sit up, rubbing your eyes after flipping the on switch for your ambient lamp next to you.

“heyy, so, basically we all went out as you know, and oh em gee, you have to look at the pictures we took, they are SO funny…” you hear someone else’s voice in the background to tell him to focus, whom you can only assume is jay. “sorrryyy, anyway we called because your little lover boy over here is like, a little like, too fucked up.”

“heeseung? and he’s not my lover boy.”

“notice how i didn’t say a name~” the guy over the phone just giggles, you letting out a sigh after hearing that heeseung might’ve gotten himself in trouble. “anyway, his roommate has his fuckbuddy over, probably getting her pregnant. he’s so fucking irresponsible with condoms, agh, i hate him!” the sudden outburst from sunoo makes you snort, the love-hate relationship they have is probably one of the most entertaining things you’ve seen in a while.

“it’s okay, sun, tell me how much you hate ‘lix later.”

an audible gasp is heard through the phone, with sunoo adding, “ugh, i hate that you’re friends with that stupid australian!”

“felix is not a bad guy, sunoo, and you know this too.” you take this opportunity to tease him back, “plus, you’re just jealous that he’s not fucking you instead, don’t lie.”

“not the point y/n. the real point is, can seung stay at yours? i know your roommate is out for the weekend, and none of us have space for him.” he pauses for a few seconds, then jay tells him to ‘tell y/n the other thing!’ sunoo lets out a noise of agreement, then continues. “he also has been asking about you all night. like, i mean literally talking about you every moment of his life. so i think it’s time to just give him what he wants…”

“he’s been asking about me?”

“uhh, when is he not? seriously, when are you guys gonna get together?”

“you know he doesn’t like me like th-“

this time, sunoo lets out a sigh, interrupting your sentence. “i don’t wanna get into this with you, we’re coming to your dorm.”

“but i didn’t say you c-“ and with that, your dorm room opens wide open, with heeseung holding on to jay’s shoulder to keep himself up. “-ould come."

after jay puts him down onto your chair, sunoo and jungwon walk in the room as well, with jungwon giving you a wave while sunoo gives you a hug. "he's your responsibility now, y/n. we couldn't get him to go anywhere else to be honest..." jay admits, his hand reaching to the back of his neck.

"it's... fine, just go have fun and enjoy the rest of your night. i can take care of heeseung." at the sound of his name, the guy looks over to you, mouth forming a wide smile when he recognizes your face.

"hey you, just the man i was looking for!" heeseung stands up from the chair and practically jumps into your bed with you, hugging you by the waist while his lower body stays on the floor. you nod to the other three, signalling them to leave, with jungwon and jay giving you a sheepish smile. sunoo on the other hand just wiggles his eyebrows and does the "salt shaking" motion, then leaves with them, shutting the door behind him.

you place your hands on heeseung's head and angle his face as to look at him, immediately feeling the warmth of his cheeks. as he looks up at you, you notice that he has a natural red glow, presumably from the alcohol he had consumed. "jeez, how much have you drank?"

he puts his fingers into a pinch, "a little bit." he removes his other hand from your waist to match the pinch, "just a little, a little." he puts his hand into a motion as if he's drinking a cup, signaling to you that he drank (as if you didn't already know that...) "actually, i drank a little."

"yeah, heard you the first... and second... and third time, heeseung. do you want some water?" you lean over to your bedside table to grab your water bottle, but when you try to hand it to him, he pushes it away. "you don't want?"

"i only want it if you drink it first!" he grins at you, confidence filling his voice all of a sudden.

"dude, how can you drink it if i drink it?"

"easy, you just pour it from your mouth into mine."

"what are you fucking talking about?"

heeseung gets up from the floor and sits next to you, leaning over to have his head on your lap. "it would be really easy like this, you just pour it into your mouth and then drip it into mine..." he wraps his arms around your waist again, putting his face into your shirt. "or, you could just kiss me with the water in your mouth."

you thought you heard him wrong, with the fact that he muttered his last sentence into your shirt, but after asking him to repeat it, you realize that what you heard was what he said. "...heeseung, i thi-" a muffled whine interrupts your sentence, and for a second, your heart squeezes, nervous that whine was one out of pain (definitely not because you liked the way it sounded coming from him). "heeseung?"

another whine erupts from his mouth, but before you could ask again, he answers, "stop calling me that, y/n."

"dude, you know that's your name, right?"

the movement was so quick that you didn't even know his drunk self could manage it, but in the blink of an eye, the positions had changed to where you were sitting in his lap, his arms wrapped around your waist still, but his face laying on your back. "but that's not what you call me."

"what are you talking about, seungie?" and with that, you could literally feel the muscles on his face form a slight smile, his face pressing harder into your back. after that, he removed it, putting his lips oddly close to your neck.

"that's my boy, much better..." his lips graze the bottom of your ear, before moving to the side of your neck, planting a small kiss. "so much better."

the minute you felt his lips on your skin, your instinct was to push away, your pulse quickening, and the area on the back of your neck tingling like sparks. "hey, don't fucking do that!" you looked back to scold him, but the tiny pout on his face made you soften up. "just... you can't do that kind of shit... not when..." i'm practically in love with you, you had wanted to say, and although heeseung was drunk, you couldn't take that chance of him remembering in the morning and prematurely ruining the friendship.

you knew it was bound to happen. it was only a matter of time before he found out himself or your feelings had grown immense amounts to the point where you couldn't take it anymore. either way was a lose-lose situation, but even knowing this, you couldn't lose heeseung as a friend, or a sort of fake lover the way he had treated you.

in fact, it was how he had treated you that made this impossible. he clung to you like a fucking leech. you and him were rarely seen without the other, and everyone around knew that if you invited one, you had to invite the other.

he'd play stupid horror games on roblox late at night with you, running halfway across campus the minute you said you were too scared to continue, and he'd hold you in his arms as you slept until dawn.

he'd invite you to his dorm and watch rom-coms with all of your favorite snacks, ramen that he had cooked for both of you guys, and heated blankets, massaging your back as you watched together while you laughed at the stupid jokes, periodically asking you if those pick-ups lines would work if someone used them on you.

he'd pick you up to go to a fancy dinner date, paying for your entire meal, then afterwards, bring you on a drive to the scenic areas and talk deep conversations with you as you guys admitted shit you never had before, discussing innate and learned fears, future plans, and why the earth revolved around the sun.

if you guys were dating, heeseung would be the absolute perfect boyfriend. he brought you to theme parks, county fairs, arcades, family meetups, holidays, pretty much everywhere. you couldn't imagine life without him, he was a staple to your life, and everyone knew you guys were practically inseparable.

but you and heeseung weren't dating. you had done all of these things in the past few months out of pure best-friendcy. and yet, you didn't want to lose this intimacy with him.

"not when you what, y/n?" heeseung leans to the side so you could see his face, curiosity floating in his eyes as he gazes at you.

"...not when you're drunk, heeseung."

"i'm not fucking drunk. and didn't i tell you to stop calling me that? it doesn't sound right coming out of your mouth." heeseung strengthens his grip around you, pulling you closer into him, as if he let go, you would fall out of his life for good.

"heeseung, you have to let go, you drank too much and you don't know what you're doing," before you could even realize it, your voice had started raising in volume and desperation little by little, "and it's like this isn't normal best friend behavior and i feel like i'm trapped in this fucking bubble of keeping to myself because i don't want to ruin us but i can't just leave you because you're so fucking important to me and i just!" you hold your breath, not knowing what to say next. "i just think it's unfair..."

you didn't even realize you were crying until heeseung was wiping the tears away with his hands, leaving small kisses on the top of your head. "hey, hey, baby..." heeseung whispered, making you even angrier. you turn around in his lap, hitting his chest.

"heeseung! don't even fucking call me that right now! that's part of the problem, you don't call your best friend that! stop fucking playing with my feelings!" you then grab his shirt and cry into it, muttering the last part, "if you wanna play with something, play with that stupid fucking guitar you have, not me..."

he chuckles softly at your sentence, but before you scold him for laughing at a time like this, he gently presses his lips against yours, encapsulating you into a slow, loving kiss. instead of fighting back, you lean into him, allowing yourself to be taken by his soft lips, kissing back with just as gentle of pressure, not wanting to be overwhelmed by a feeling you have dreamed of since you met the man.

as he pulls away, he wipes the tears stained on your cheek with his thumb lovingly, leaving his hands on your face. "you've been wanting to say all of that for a while huh? i feel like that outburst has been building up overtime." you just nod, not knowing what to say. "y/n, i swear to god, we've been dating. maybe not officially boyfriends, but dating." the confusion on your face must've been extremely evident, because he squishing his eyebrows together in retaliation. "you... you know i'm like... in love with you right...? right?"

"huh?" you sniffle, the tears stopping from the perplexed feeling overtaking your sadness. "you've never asked me out!"

"yes, i did! remember, at the park, when we had a picnic and i brought strawberry soju and the whole charcuterie board. i asked you that day, i remember what i said because i wrote it down. i said 'y/n, can we take this to the next step?' and you were like, 'yes!' so i thought you knew!"

oh.

oh.

you have never felt so fucking stupid in your life.

"that's what you meant?! i thought you meant to the next step of the stairs we were on!"

heeseung just looks at you blankly, mouth ajar. after a few moments, he just laughs, the sound so loud it reverberates through the room and even rumbles the bed. "n-no fucking way! is that why you randomly picked up the fucking blanket and moved it up to the actual next step?!"

"'cause that's what i thought you meant!" you exclaimed, the anchor in your heart that you didn't even know existed being relieved the more heeseung talked.

heeseung embraces you, placing another kiss onto your lips for a second, then just hovers in front of them, looking into your eyes. "then let me make it explicitly clear. y/n, i'm so fucking in love with you. please let me be your boyfriend."

you respond to him with a kiss of your own, allowing yourself to be overtaken with the absolute relief from the dredge that had been weighing you down on your guys' relationship for weeks upon weeks now. "yes, heeseung. i'd love for you to be my boyfriend."

he just smirks, hands moving from your face down to the hem of your shirt, wanting for you to take it off, which you gladly comply with. "fucking good. been wanting to kiss you, strip you, make you mine for weeks now, but you never reciprocated, so i just thought you weren't ready..." he takes your shorts off with efficiency, not wanting to waste any time with you.

"oh yeah? aren't you still drunk, heeseung?"

"was never that drunk to begin with, just wanted to get that water thing to work, but this..." placing his hands on your thighs, he spreads your legs and pulls you closer, "this is so much fucking better."

#enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen angst #enhypen x male reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen heeseung #heeseung #heeseung x reader #heeseung x male reader #male reader #solarnomoon

[sturniolojpg]

— boyfriend! chris sturniolo

pairings: chris sturniolo x reader

warnings: sfw & nsfw!! i put a divider for ya

notes: again, from experience. i love my bf! ❤️ not proof read

♥︎. loves cuddling. he’s a big ole softie with you. you playing with his hair & scratching his back at the same time is like his kryptonite.

♥︎. he’s kinda pda personified. the man truly doesn’t give a fuck about what other people see him do. he’s more modest if he’s around his brothers.. but strangers? he couldn’t give less of a fuck and will try to get you to make out with him in public.

♥︎. he used to think it was corny asf when people made playlists for their significant others but he’s made multiple for you! are they filled with rap & trap music?? yeah but it’s the thought that counts

♥︎. you love to show him off and he loves to show you off, y’all are private in the sense of none of your relationship details are public but everyone knows you’re together cause it’s impossible for the other not to be included in a post. he’s proud of bagging such a bad ass bitch.

♥︎. he tries to force you to travel with him when they go back and forth between boston and la, he hates being away from you for longer than a day. you’re one of his favorite people.

♥︎. trust is sooo important to this man. he doesn’t fw that sharing passwords & looking through each others phones shit. he’s got nothing to hide but it feels like an invasion of privacy, his phone is basically his second person, it’s with him 24/7. if you don’t trust him and if he doesn’t trust you then it won’t work. 🤷🏽‍♀️

♥︎. communication is also huge. y’all are both stubbornnnnn. it’s so hard for either of you to admit when you’re wrong but for the sake of your friendship and romance, you always talk it out. y’all could not talk for hours on end but you’ll always semi resolve it before it’s time to go to bed for the day. you both hate going to sleep upset with the other.

♥︎. always touching you. linked pinkies, holding hands, touching feet, holding arms, resting heads on the others shoulder, he’s cool with it all. he just likes the physical assurance that you’re right there.

♥︎. he loves being your passenger princess because it means he can control the aux, as we all know man loves his music.

♥︎. he is very possessive over you but not in an over controlling way, you wear whatever you want, he’ll be your biggest cheerleader but if another guy tries to flirt with you he’ll be escorting you out of that situation immediately. no entertaining it, ever. he don’t play abt you.

♥︎. he knows you’re hot so when people say it via social media it doesn’t bother him. it’s only when people intentionally disrespect him when he gets pissed tf off and almost beats a mfs head into cemant. (go white boy gooo!)

♥︎. talking to him is your favorite thing. he could truly go on and on for hours and you’d listen the entire time. he offers such a unique perspective when you’re discussing anything, and you can tell he genuinely cares about what he’s saying and what you’re saying. he’s very good with his words.

♥︎. you’re probably the only person he could sleep in the same bed with for multiple days in a row.

♥︎. he values your presence sooo much and aways vocalizes that. he never wants you to forget just how much you mean to him. he’s truly be lost without you and that scares him so bad.

HORNY BELOWWW, i’m not your parent but rwc

♥︎. public sex is his thing, he loves it. he doesn’t know why he loves it but he does. maybe its the possibility of getting caught, maybe its the fact that you’re always down to fuck him wherever you are, probably both!

♥︎. likes receiving head more than giving but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know his way around your body. he knows exactly what to do to earn specific reactions and he gets turned on over just how well he knows you.

♥︎. y’all know that one country song?? that goes “i know every curve like the back of my head” yeah.. thats chris. he’s got your body MEMORIZED. like engraved in his head, he may act like he’s tryna explore when he touches you all over but there’s no part of you he hasn’t seen. and anything he doesn’t remember? in his my eyes only thats fulll of your nudes 😛😛 he loves his lady!

♥︎. speaking of nudes, he’s a sucker for them. he’d actually do anything you asked him to if it meant you’d send him some. he’s such a boy but he can’t help it when it comes to you, he loves every inch of you.

♥︎. he loves when you wear mini skirts. your ass and thighs always look… phenomenal??? and he enjoys the easy access. y’all have had public bathroom sex more times than you’d like to admit! 😅

♥︎. doggy is his favorite position. he’s an ass guy, doesn’t matter the size, he just lovesssss ass. what gets him off even more though is fucking you doggy in front of a mirror. you watching yourself get fucked by him turns him on beyond belief.

♥︎. you weren’t necessarily a slutty girl but when you started dating him something like shifted with you sexually. you genuinely need that man in your pants 24/7!!!!! like why is he not in your bed RN??? sickening.

♥︎. he hates skinny jeans on everyone but you, the way they hug your legs, thighs, and most important to him, your ass is wayyy too sexy for him to hate them. he loves when you’re out in public and wear them because he gets to see your ass in basically full display 🤗

♥︎. he likes to be the more dominant one most times but the man must admit when you boss him around in and outside of the bedroom it’s the sexiest thing in the world. he finds your confidence sooo hot.

♥︎. you LOVE to overstim him. and he loves it when you do it too, selfishly because all the attention is on him and he’s a cocky guy.

♥︎. when he overstims you tho??? heaven. actual heaven. he’ll eat you out till you cry, safe word is the only thing that’ll make him stop if he’s realllyyy into it.

♥︎. shower sex is his favvvv too. he loves the intimacy. plus it makes clean up easier, he’s a lil slacky in the aftercare department so anything to remove an extra step for him

♥︎. y’all fucked on the roof of your house ONCE after you played him that one ariana grande song and he still recalls it as the best sex of his life. you’re pretty sure he’s a fanatic for public sex.

♥︎. he genuinely wants to have sex with you everydayyyy. you have no idea how bro has so much stamina to want it everyday but of course you’re always down! you are a literal whore for him. your brain just goes la la la la la la when you’re with him.

#chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #sturniolo x reader #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo oneshot #chris sturniolo headcanon #chris sturniolo imagine

[pixiecaps]

could you type a short post about q!roier’s intentions at least please? 🥺👉👈

how do i keep this as short as possible ok uh

qroier isn’t ignoring the problem and not recognizing qcellbit wrongs. he doesn’t UNDERSTAND that its a problem he in his own morality doesn’t think of it as a WRONG. and its not because he’s feigning ignorance but because of that fact he has suffered so greatly at the hands of the federation that to him qcellbit’s possible murder rampage is justified and makes complete sense! he knows qcellbit has been just as wronged as him. qroier told qcellbit he’d burn the federation down with him and that’s exactly what he’s doing. he didn’t simply say that because he loves qcellbit but also because he believes it’s what has to happen. it’s not a matter of oh he’s enabling his husbands bad behavior but a case of deeply understanding qcellbits actions. more than anyone else he knows how much pain the federation has caused and is willing to do whatever it takes to hurt them just as bad. because at the end of the day to him thats what they deserve.

i also think its important to note that roier’s lack of memories shape how he perceives a lot of things. he doesn’t recall a “normal” life he doesn’t know what normal is. the act of killing federation workers does not phase him as much as it would other islanders because he hasn’t formed any sort of attachment to them. besides Osito. who left him at the worst possible time. the lives of the workers mean nothing to him. killing isn’t a big deal when its an everyday occurrence on the island. the island killed his son and the Federation gave him false hope that he may be revived. then he wasn’t and the world kept going. how could he not feel complete hatred towards the Federation? his morality when it comes to that is very grey.

Roier: I’ve been betrayed. I’ve been humiliated on this island. Terrible things have happened to me Bagi. I’ve always tried to keep my chin up, you know? But I’m tired.

qCellbit is tired. qRoier is tired. Theyre tired.

#i could go more into this and different aspects of roiers reaction and how hes taking this but again im eepy #pix asks aaaa #anon #qsmp #roier

[anzulvr]

Hiii! Could i please request a karma x reader where reader is a crybaby and really sensitive but also super sweet to everybody no matter how mean they are?

Karma x sensitive reader // <3 // fluff, hcs.

In which Karma catches feelings for a crybaby.

— ୨୧ first meeting.

Karma and you get along well from the start, unlike most people in the main campus you don’t talk badly about E-class and you don’t make any judgements towards people without getting to know them- that’s especially important to note because Karmas never had the best reputation. Even so, you didn’t judge him based off rumors and comments made about him behind his back, earning you his respect!

— catching feelings.

Karma is the last person to be interested in dating, so whenever he starts getting all nervous and flustered around you he thinks he’s nauseous. He only realizes hes into you when he sees he’s sort of defensive over you, definitely brought to his attention by Rio(meddler) or Nagisa (He just wants to help).

✦ any time you’re upset he’s the first to ask who did something, super ready to fight anyone.

✦ He realizes he’s never wanted anyone to stick around as much as you.

—ʚ[End Class]ɞ

(If you were to drop to end class for whatever reason)

// first time meeting Korosensei you’re a sobbing mess.

Even then you’re trying to be nice telling him he’s not that scary (in reality you’re terrified because why is he like 10 feet tall..)

Korosensei frantically tries to get you to stop crying. “I promise I would never lay my tentacles on a student- I wouldn’t hurt you!! You can ask anyone in here I-”

Karma is laughing his ass off to the point he’s gripping his sides cause they hurt.

You get to sit next to him. Lucky (???) you.

The rest of the class is quick to warm up to you, if you’re not already friends that is.

— When you’re officially together.

Hes the biggest tease in existence, he can’t go 20 minutes without poking fun at you.

Has so many pictures and videos of you happy crying. (He will not let you live down.)

Also has a folder of pictures you send him whenever you’re crying over small / dumb things you find funny when you realize what you’re crying over.

(cause literally me too?? I’ll cry and laugh mid way when I realize how stupid it is 😭)

[Name]: we’re out of cookies.

[Attached image of you crying]

lmfao I’ll buy you some calm down💀 :[Karma]

[Name]: NVMM.. false alarm we have another box 😆!!

don’t care I’m at your doorstep with 5 boxes open up :[Karma]

[Name]: Wow you’re fast it’s only been like 3 minutes..

— <3 —

He brings up moments like that anytime he has the chance to embarrass you.

“Remember the time you cried cause you found out chickens live only like seven years.”

“Shut up it was really sad.”

“[Name] we had fried chicken like 20 minutes later and you devoured that shit.”

“That was so good, we should go again.”

ON ANOTHER NOTE.

No one is allowed to make you feel bad though, Terasaka is extra careful not to say anything to make you cry on days where he doesn’t want to end up on the ground.

You’re his go-to for advice. Especially if he’s ever arguing with anyone like his parents or his friends because you know more about emotions than he does.

Cannot handle seeing you upset because of something he does, the second your eyes even get the littlest misty he’s apologizing with food and flowers.

You hold a special place in his heart because often times you’re the only person he’s comfortable opening up to.

A/N: im behind on like 30 requests IM SORRY 😪😪😪

Also I didn’t really check for spelling errors for this one so tell me if you catch any pls!!!

#karma akabane #ansatsu kyoushitsu #akabane karma x reader #assassination classroom x reader #karma akabane headcannons #karma akabane x reader #assasination classroom #karma x reader #assassination classroom #assclass

[writingwithfolklore]

Taking Notes from Editors

I did a post on giving and receiving feedback, but now that I’ve been an editor for a little longer, I’d like to do a follow up on taking feedback specifically from professional editors.

                While ultimately writers are the rulers of their work and can make the final decisions on it, there's a lot of growth in your manuscript to be found by trusting your editor and taking their notes. As an editor, it’s my job to make your work as good as it can possibly be. It’s also my job to maintain your style and voice and make sure everything you do best shines the brightest.

                We’ve studied and practiced this goal. So the biggest thing I want to impart on you is:

1. Trust your editor

Go into the process with the mindset that you'll accept at least 85% of the edits your editor suggests. When another editor works on my writing, I accept about 95% of it, sometimes %100 (for shorter pieces).

Writers sometimes get hung up on the smallest changes an editor tries to make. Be careful not to be too precious, allow your work to be explored from a different perspective and lens.

You can always keep a separate doc that has your original piece, it doesn’t go away or get ruined when an editor works on it. While it's your work in the end, it's helpful to go into it with an open mind. Often feedback you may have never considered is the key to really elevating your piece. Make some room for your editor's opinion and expertise, trust your editor.

2. Choose your battles

If you are going to reject a suggestion, I recommend it be something really worth going to bat for. Choose your battles, and choose only the biggest ones. You ultimately know your work best, so fight only for the stuff you believe is integral to keeping the same.

This will be an easier battle to win if you’ve already accepted the vast majority of other suggestions. Does it really matter if your main character’s name is Jolene or Veronica? Maybe not, so take that suggestion so you can afford to keep her queerness, or the subplot about her mother, etc.

But going back to the trust your editor idea, don’t think about it as a battle. We are not on opposite sides, we’re both fighting for the same thing—to make your work the best it can be. Respectfully acknowledge a suggestion you don’t like, give it a day or two to think on it, and then decide if that’s something you’d really like to advocate for.

As an editor, when a writer has a solid justification for rejecting a suggestion it helps me understand their work better, and builds trust between us.

3. It’s okay you’re not perfect

Sometimes as a writer receiving feedback, my impulse is to be embarrassed I’ve done something ‘wrong’. Then, of course, I go to defend myself or justify it or attack. We don’t like feeling threatened, and it can cause some high tempers and nasty disagreements in the editing world.

It’s really important that you recognize that impulse to defend yourself, and choose not to react to it.

By that I mean, if you feel yourself getting defensive over a piece of feedback—take a deep breath, don’t answer it right away. You don’t need to explain yourself. Think on it for a bit, just try it out. See what happens when you make that change. If you still hate it, think about why. If you’re just rejecting it on impulse, you’re probably in that “defend” state.

                You’re not being attacked, and you’re not a bad writer. It’s okay if you’ve made a decision that didn’t land, or a mistake that’s kind of embarrassing.

                As an editor, I can assure you that I don’t judge my writers. Ever. When I make suggestions, it’s from a pure ‘just trying to help’ standpoint, and I really appreciate when my writers are open to my suggestions and ideas and accept or reject my suggestions with friendliness and grace.

                I’m not a super experienced editor in any way, but if anyone has any questions about the editing process, the job, or anything else about it, I will do my best to answer!

Next post we're going to talk about when to reject a suggestion or feedback because the editor/reader isn't always right. Follow to catch that when it's out!

#writing #writers #creative writing #screenwriting #writing community #writing inspiration #filmmaking #books #film #writing advice #editor ama #taking notes from editors #editing #receiving feedback #feedback #ama

[raythekiller]

YOU NEED TRANSMASC REQUESTS???? I CAN GIVE YOU TRANSMASC REQUESTS!!!!!! :D

begging on my hands and knees for some headcanons for Jeff, toby and hoodie with the transmasc!s/o, where reader is on his period and like SUPER dysphoric, I’m talking like doesn’t want to look at himself, get touched or speak to anyone cause the dysphoria is so bad and he’s lowkey miserable 😭

I NEED COMFORT OK 💔💔💔

🗒 ❛ Dysphoric Reader On His Period ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Jeff The Killer, Ticci Toby, Hoodie

#Notes: big mood

pronouns used: none, but male! reader

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Jeff The Killer

He'll try to let his teenage boy-like disgust over the fact there's blood coming out of your intimates aside cause he knows this is already taking a toll on you. He'll just kind of awkwardly pat on on the back while going "There, there, little guy" as if that'd make you feel any better. When you squirm away from his touch, he'll realize this is probably a little worse than he thought it was and get even more awkward. Look, Jeff doesn't do feelings well, so he might not be the best at comforting, but he'll listen if you want to vent, not really adding any input himself. A friendly ear is all you'll get from him.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Ticci Toby

He's best friends with Cody, who I headcanon to be transmasc as well, so he definitely has a better starting point than Jeff. Won't let you isolate in your room and be miserable - he won't stand for that. He'll literally drag you outside if he has to, has a very aggressive way of showing that he cares. Absolutely suggests a makeover, he'll dress you up super nicely and convince you to look in the mirror, all the while saying how handsome you look. Makes sure you shower and eat properly as well, no buts, your well being is important to him. Brings you any supplies you need for your period as well as snacks. Overall super caring and considerate.

꒰⸝⸝₊⛓┊Hoodie

Honestly I feel like he has a very loose idea on gender, by which I mean he doesn't care for it, so he might not totally understand your struggle. Hold on, let me try to explain it better - he honestly and genuinely doesn't care for labels or how people perceive him as or what pronouns others use for him or anything like that. Gender is a social construct anyway, why should he give a shit? But you care, and he doesn't completely understand why. Still, he knows you're struggling and he's not about to ignore it. Will make sure your period is well taken care of with tampons and chocolate and pain killers while also trying to make you feel better about yourself. If you feel like a guy, then you are one, and that's it. Who cares what others think - it's you that matters, and he'll tell you that every day if he has to.

#creepypasta #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta x reader #ray.writes #ticci toby #jeff the killer #ticci toby x reader #jeff the killer x reader #hoodie #hoodie x reader

[real-fire-emblem-takes]

i think tharja should have been more important to awakening’s story. not only is she plegian and so could have provided a plegian perspective on the constant ylisse-plegia back-and-forth to help make things feel less one-sided (we aren’t given this until the second drama cd and it has to come from GAIUS, who is not plegian), but she’s also the game’s second-best example after robin of “you are not what the future dictates you to be,” one of the game’s main themes. i challenge my fate etc etc. what do i mean by this? well

first off personally, i tend to shelve the entire noire-dad support chain because it 1. sucks and 2. contradicts several other chains — ex. ricken + tharja A, where she acknowledges people don’t like to have hexes tested upon them and so has ricken test things on Her, her henry, gregor, & virion chains, where she can’t hex them at all, her frederick chain where she PROMISES to not hex him any more — and it also just doesn’t make sense with others, like her dynamics with lon’qu and libra, which are two of her most serious support chains. why would she do that to them. or considering how she is with robin, why would she hex him or her kids with him. she’s ALSO mentioned to be good with kids in her libra paired ending, making her hexing children more puzzling, and noire’s blood-and-thunder thing is also not actually caused by tharja hexing her like people think. so they wrote this in to make child abuse a teehee gag that contradicts a lot of tharja’s character setup and i just ignore it and that’s not what i’m referring to here. (note: her supports with noire mention to her she’s been tested HERSELF by her family since birth, which she thought was normal, but that same chain reveals her future self also kept noire away from dabbling in dark magic at all so it very much doesn’t make sense why she would expose her to it by testing it on her anyway). HOWEVER,

tharja is very still much a neglectful parent in the bad future and that’s her main issue. after her spouse dies she dedicates everything to getting revenge for him and tracking down the risen that killed him and neglects her daughter in the process. for the sake of getting revenge on a corpse. awakening tharja’s main thing is realising that by pushing her child away in the future she helped ruin her. noire spent most of her life doubting her mother loved her because of how she was pushed away after a certain point until tharja told her directly “i’m sure she did because she kept you away from curses to protect you. and i love you.” she’s one of the game’s biggest examples of learning what not to do and i wish she had more focus because that’s like. one of the main themes of the game <- biased tharja fan. thank you for listening

.

#fe #fire emblem #fe awakening #fire emblem awakening #tharja #tharja fire emblem #noire fire emblem #fe13

[ohtobeleah]

Chaos // Bradley Bradshaw

Chapter Six: Addicts

Summary: All hell breaks loose when the uranium mission doesn’t go according to plan. Rooster follows you down into enemy territory. It’s a race against time to find a way home safely.

Warning: Bradley Bradshaw x reader. Ex girlfriend ex boyfriend. Angst! Whump!

Word Count: 14.1k

Author Note: Oh my god. I don’t even know what to say. If you’re still here—thank you so much. We’re officially finished the main six chapters of Chaos. It’s been fun!

“So how's that addiction going?” Bob's voice drew you from deep thought as you looked out over the water, flight helmet in hand, hung by your side. Both geared up ready to go for what could very well be your last mission. “He looks strung out–” Gesturing to where Rooster stood talking to Maverick, it wasn't hard to miss the noticeable layer of sweat that had come over him. Looking over your shoulder you could only imagine what Pete must have been saying to Rooster, talking him down from whatever purch he’d plopped himself on.

“Yeah, well, I think I'd be the last person on earth he’d wanna be flying with right now–” singing softly as you turned to face Bob fully. “And as for the addiction, I'm a full blown addict.”

“You’re addicted—“ Robert Floyd was a different breed. He saw the world differently to most, almost like a textbook. With facts and evidence to back up his hypothesis and firm beliefs. He wasn’t a believer in the paranormal and he most certainly wasn’t a fan of politics. “Like full blown addicted—“ He was a man of science, numbers, statistics.

“He’s my ex Bob, not heroin!” The Lemoore sun was almost too much to bear as you and Bob hiked up the steep incline of Grants Creek. Bob’s idea for a team bonding exercise or his version of some sort of sick joke. “And besides, don’t you think it’s important to say no to drugs?” Jerk it out by the Caesars blasting through the speaker that hooked through Bob’s backpack, the carabiner doing God’s work.

“Well, it’s just not that simple.” Somewhere along the way—Bob had removed his T-shirt. It wasn’t that it was out of character for him to do so, it was simply that he trusted you not to comment. A little on the insecure side. But his faith in you to just accept him outweighed his own insecurities. Over the past six months, you had been his closest friend, his front seater, his best friend, his…. Well, Bob would never admit it but, crush? Maybe? He wasn't sure, all he knew for sure was that he thought you deserved the world. This ex you kept talking about? Kept confiding to him about? Just didn't seem to cut it in Bob’s eyes.

“Isn’t it the most simple thing in the world?” You questioned as you dramatically gasped for air, taking in the humidity of the atmosphere around you. Bob couldn't help but to chuckle as he handed you his water bottle. “Thanks—“ Taking it, you paused in your tracks for a breather. “Everyone knows drugs are bad, right? So why even start? I mean they cause crime and death—“

“And they also prop up the US economy.” Passing Bob back his water you frowned in concern.

“What are you talking about?” Bob loved a challenge, he always had. He loved talking to you about anything and everyone. He loved it because you wouldn't shrug him off, you would listen to what he had to say with interest and intent.

“Are you familiar with gross domestic product?” It wasn’t that Bob thought you were stupid, he just wanted to explain his standpoint. Watching as you nodded in response as the sun beamed down and the layer of sweat that had formed across the expanse of your body made it look like you were glowing. A sweaty, disgusting beautiful mess. “Well it’d be great if people didn’t get addicted to drugs, but—people are addicted to drugs.” Turning to face you as you both kept walking, making sure you were still following where he was going. “In order to get the drugs they have to buy them right? And that drug dealer needs to feed his family, they need a house and clothes and the family needs a car right? And there was even this theory that said drug money was the only thing that prevented the collapse of the global economy in two though and eight.”

“Why’s that?” Panting, following Bob up the steam incline, he reached out to lend you a hand, pulling you up the hill as he continued to walk beside you, just in front of you. His hands helping to guide you up as you played damsel. Bob knew you were fine, you just didn't want to be hiking right now, on your one day off the rest and recover.

“Because drug money was the only available cash to prop up big banks—without drugs, without addiction, shit would probably go tits up.”

“So what you’re trying to say is, I’m a closeted drug addict and my drug of choice is my toxic ex?” Bob knew he’d gone a little in depth with the facts, but he wouldn’t deny he was a numbers person. Facts and statistics was his way of life. “How’d you manage to make such a black and white argument grey?”

“I just don’t think it’s inherently something that’s good or bad—just, promise you won’t let whoever this guy is, when you ultimately go back to him—“

“I won’t.” You tried to defend yourself, Bob didn’t let you finish as he jogged ahead of you, turning to face you with a stirn finger pointed your way. The sun in his eyes— he’d forgotten his favourite hat.

“Ah but see! All addicts say the same damn thing, you know he’s bad for you, you recognise the damage he does, but the euphoria that you get with him just outweighs the consequences.” Bob had you trapped in your own defence. “Next thing you know you’re on the street—“

“Could be worse right?” Bob looked at you with concern, evident in his eyes. “Well I mean I could end up dead right? But you can’t overdose on a person can you?” Shrugging your shoulders, following Bob up the incline. Feet crunching the gravel dirt with every step you took. Bob had never seen a clearer addict before in his life—how did he know? Because he was one himself. Only his drug came in the form of adrenaline.

“Just, when it inevitably does happen—don’t forget you aren’t some B-grade constellation prize.” It made you blush, you felt the heat rising in your cheeks as you hid your smile for a brief moment. There was just something about Bob that made you feel at home. “C’mon—we’re running sprint to the top.”

“What!?” You groaned, letting your shoulders slump dramatically as you threw your head back. Bob was the kinda guy who liked to do that In manorial 9/11 stair master workout just for fun. You should have picked up he was psychotic from the get go. “This isn’t funny anymore—“

“Hey, I thought you were great at running away from your problems? It must be exhausting rooting for the anti-hero though, I get it.” Challenging you, Bob took off. His bag clinging to his bare back as you sighed, chasing after him with a huff.

“I've always found that admitting a problem is always the first step to recovery.”

“But I don't think I wanna recover, that's the problem Bob.” You knew you didnt wanna recover, all you’d ever wanted was Bradley bradshaw. But somewhere deep inside you there was a terrible feeling that you'd cut whatever thin thread there was keeping you together. Lying never solved any problem you’d ever had. Perhaps Jake had been right, you should have just told Rooster the truth instead of lying, trying to protect him. But look where that got you?cNowhere and alone. Shaking off the despair, you rubbed your face, pushing the stray hairs away from your face as the wind raced around you and Bob. “Hows’ Hangman?”

“He’s easy to make insecure—I'm sure he’ll get over it.”

“It has been an honour flying with you all. Each one of you represents the very best of the best, this is a very specific mission–my choice is a reflection of that and nothing more.” Maverick stood before the class with his shoulders squared.

“Choose your two foxtrot teams.” Admiral Beau stated firmly as he stood off to the side with his arms behind his back. Watching as Maverick nodded in the opposite direction to where you stood near the back of the room. Hiding amongst the class.

“Payback and Fanboy–” Okay good, you could deal with that. “Phoenix and Bob–” You felt the wind get knocked out of you for a brief moment. Not Bob. Anyone but Bob. in the most sincere, heartfelt way– you couldn't stand the idea of him not coming back from this.

“Choose your wingman–” you had begged, pleaded Pete to choose someone, anyone, besides Rooster to be your wingman. You had even told him that flying with Hangman, although it may cost you your life, would be better than flying with Rooster.

There were a total of two men in your life you never wanted to fly with on a serious mission. Those men being Bradley Bradshaw and Robert Floyd. The only real reason you had to be so reluctant was because to see them burn out would mean the death of you too. You weren't strong enough to come back from seeing that, you knew that much for sure. There was a split second, a brief pause, a glimpse in Mavericks eyes that had you for the briefest of seconds thinking he had listened. But fuck where you wrong.

“Rooster–” Fuck.

“And team lead?” There had never been a worst position to be in. You knew some of the class knew, others maybe not. Standing to the back of the room would mean the quickest escape to grab your gear, get the fuck out and get this voer with.

“Chaos.”

“Chaos!” Jake shouted as he came jogging over. Bob took it as his sign to leave. Deciding a hug was more fitting than a handshake. Embracing you with open and inviting arms, Bob consumed you entirely.

“I'll see you on the other side yeah?” pulling away, he kept his hands firmly on your shoulders. “And dont do anything stupid, we get in, we get out.”

“Absolutely I wouldn't even dream of it.” Tapping your shoulder Bob let you go, turning on his heels to make his way over to his F-18, Phoenix waiting for him as Hangman approached you. “Hangman–”

“You give 'em hell–” Jake stuck his hand out for you to shake, graciously you took it. Looking him square in the eyes as you did so. “There is no better pilot for the job than you.”

“Do me a favour? When this is all over? You and me, we’re gonna settle our differences, you and me– the Hard Deck ,six o’clock.” Jake chuckled as he let his hand drop. Standing before you as you smiled his way. He knew you were deflecting from your own self doubt. But for now he’d let you–because it seemed to be working rough to hold you together.

“Deal–I'll book it in with Penny.”

There wasn't much time left, by the time you had finished taking your tags off– Hondo was coming at you telling you it was time. You couldn't put it off any longer even if you wanted to. Doing one final lap of your F-18, Rooster was walking your way.

“Lieutenant Kazansky!” Rooster shouted over the roaring sounds of F-18 engines. “Ma’am!” of fuck the actual fuck off, was he really resorting to ma’am? “Lieutenant–”

“Rooster, it's Chaos or Y/n, stop with the ma’am bullshit before I decide to knock it out of you.”

“I just wanted to say–” Obnoxiously loud radio chatter cut Rooster off before he could finish. Which was probably a good thing, he was probably about to say something stupid—something he’d regret or most likely wish he never said. Fear riddling his central nervous system to the point he wasn’t thinking straight, that much was clear.

“We’ll talk, when we get back–” You stepped a little closer, fingers reaching for Roosters. Softly playing with his fingertips as you kept your gaze on the ground. Not daring to look up. “We’ll talk about everything–” Nodding in response, Rooster swallowed the lump in his throat he couldn’t seem to get rid of. Stepping back and away. Sweating balls. A nervous mess.

“Hey– Brad! Bradley! Hey!” Shouting you caught his attention. Watching as he turned to face you from across the deck. “You got this– don't think, just do.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Terrifying. That’s what it felt like to be in your F-18, ready for take off. “Dagger one, up and ready on catapult one.”

“Dagger spare, standing by.” Hangman was the first to confirm his position after you.

“Dagger four up and ready–” Then Payback.

“Dagger three, up and ready” Then Phoenix.

“Dagger two, up and ready. “ And last my certainly not least– Bradley Bradshaw. Something you would never get used to was the force of being propelled from a carrier. The way the cord snapped back and let you go at a million miles an hour–take off from a short runway, moreso a taxiway was one of your greatest fears. That and being used as a personal plaything by Bradley. There was something so dehumanising in the way you would so easily allow him to come back and forth into your life, but when things were good? They were great. But when things were bad? It made the depths of hell seem like a summer vacation. A holiday destination you'd rather visit instead of having to deal with the heartbreak he left every time he’d walk away.

But Bradley bradshaw was a changed man, right?

“Comanche, dagger one standby check in.” Flying steady as you looked at your radio. Trying to push any and all thoughts of Rooster to the side. An achievement you were unlikely to achieve.

“Comanche, one one set, picture clean recommend dagger continue.”

“Copy Daggers descending below radar.” It wasn't very professional of you to be clouded with thoughts of Rooster as you flew closer and closer into enemy territory. If anything, having a clouded mind could easily get you killed. Letting emotion get the better of you was the last thing you wanted to be a victim of while flying a mission like this.

“Daggers now below radar, switching to E-2 picture.” Lilian, Camanche, addressed the carrier as she switched signals. It was unsettling to know you weren't on radar anymore. To begin to think things could go wrong now would be sentencing you and your team to an unlikely death. But you couldn't help but wonder without a radar signal, who would come find you if things went south? Would you have to claw your way back–would Adrial beau care? Would he send a rescue? Would he send his spare in?

“Here we go, enemy territory up ahead in sixty seconds, Comanche dagger one picture.”

“Comanche picture clean, decision is yours.”

“Copy–dagger attack.” Not even a few short seconds went by before you heard and saw the tomahawks fly over the top of you. There was no turning back now. “Daggers, assume attack formation.” Phoenix and Bob settled in on your tail. Rooster behind them, Payback and Fanboy at the tail end of the group. Picture perfect.

With a deep inhale and a slow burn exhale, you closed your eyes for a brief moment and prayed to whatever god was listening. To whatever guardian angel—your or not, who would watch over everyone. Bring them home safe to their families. “Daggers set, proceeding to target, two minutes and 30 seconds in three, two, one, mark.”

“Two mark.” Rooster checked directly after you.

“Three mark.” Payback reported, his timer set and counting.

“Four mark.” Phenix stated, still right on your tail.

“Going in–” The terrain itself was stunning. Snow covered mountains that were decorated with pines. It seemed as if it had been plucked right from a scene in those tacky Christmas holiday love story movies. As you throttled forward, all four of the F-18’s engines began shrieking. Reminding you that this was anything but a Christmas movie. This was real and this was serious and this could be deadly if you didn’t put your entire being into this. “First SAM site overhead.”

“Looks like we're clear on radar Chaos.” Phoenix was quick to interject.

“Let's not take that for granted.” Smirking softly as you turned left and right—sharp corners at every turn.

“More SAM’s, three o’clock high!” Fanboy spotted, you were grateful for the backseats because honestly you hadn’t even seen the SAM’s he was talking about. Your head in the clouds.

”We got two minutes to target.” Bob’s voice rattled through your radio. An underlying nervousness in his tone. Scared–but not enough to not know what an honour it was to fly this mission, with this group of highly skilled, highly trained pilots.

“Copy–” Payback was the first to respond. “We’re a few seconds behind, Rooster, we gotta move.”

“Dagger one, Comanche, we’re picking up two bandits. Single group, two contacts.”

“Comanche, what's their heading?” Phoenix was quick to ask. 

“Bulls-eye 090, 50, tacked southwest.”

“They’re heading away from us, they don't know we’re here.” Rooster was sweating head to toe. Nervous as all hell. He didn't think he was ready for this, the way you had so confidently said you didn't believe he was ready either had stunted him. Although Jake had pulled him aside later that same night to say you were full of it–that you’d only said it so he’d stay behind, safe. It was still enough to curve him. Rattle him enough to have his nerves at an all time high.

“The second those Tomahawks hit the air base, those bandits are gonna move to defend the target–we have to get there before they do.Increase speed.” It really wasn't long after you had mentioned the tomahawks that they had hit the runways. Blowing them to smithereens as you got confirmation from the carrier it had been a successful hit.

“We got you Chaos, don't wait for me!” Phoenix’s voice came through strong on your radio.

“Bandits are switching course to defend the target.” The enemy well and truly knew you were coming as Lilian radioed in from her radio station.

“Rooster, where are you?” It wasn’t a question you wanted any response to other than right behind you. But that wasn’t what you were gonna get. His lack of motivation to go any faster then a snail had you generally concerened for his wellbeing, as a pilot of a fucking incredibly high staks mission and as a legitimate friend.

“C’mon Rooster, bandits inbound, we gotta make up time now– let's turn and burn.” Payback was the first to respond, trying to shake Rooster out of whatever state of mind he was in.

“Heads up Phoenix–” Flipping to your side with a sharp pull on your throttle—you sped through the arches of a bridge that hadn’t been simulated on the course you’d all been running the last few weeks. Phoenix still hot on your tail followed suit. Flawlessly.

“Guys, we’re falling behind, we really gotta move.” You heard everything going on behind you, not being able to turn back was killing you because it didn't just feel like you were leaving lieutenant Bradshaw behind. It felt like you were leaving your best friend behind, the love of your life. It probably felt that way because he was, you were leaving him behind–and after your last wingman? That wasn't something you could bring yourself to do. Never again. Fanboy was doing everything he could from his seat in the back of Paybacks F-18.

“If we don't increase our speed right now, those bandits are gonna be waiting for us when we reach the target.” Listening to Payback trying to coerce Rooster into getting his head in the game was starting to take its toll on you. Throwing caution to the wind with everyone around–including but not limited to the entire dager squad, the Admirals and an entire team of operations specialists listening in on over correspondence spoken.

“C’mon Rooster you can do it, don't think–just do.” Something in the way you said it really had Rooster listening, his chest warm as his heart grew. You really didn't understand just how much your words could affect him. The simplest of sentences could send him into overdrive or bring him to his knees. And this—sent him into hyperactive hyperdrive. “Don't think B’rad, just do.”

Channelling his dad's energy, Rooster shoved his throttle forward as he felt the G force around him change. Climbing rapidly as he raced against the clock to catch up.

“Jesus Rooster not that fast” Payback shouted as he suddenly felt like the one who was left behind. Watching in disbelief as Rooster hightailed it through the valley at high speed.

“That's it Bradshaw, that's it.” Smirking to yourself you knew Rooster would catch up. He’d make up for lost time now that he had his thumb out of his ass.

“Damn Rooster take it easy!” Fanboy teased—knowing Rooster was probably going a little faster then he honestly would have liked to have been. Purely to get back to you.

“Thirty seconds to target, Bob check your laser.!” It was becoming a race against the clock more so than ever before as you approached the target.

“Air to ground check complete, laser cose verified one six, eight eight. Laser is a go.” Bob confirmed, he could feel his heart beating out of his chest. He was so nervous.

“Phoenix, stand by for pop-up strike.” This was it, everything came down to this.

“Dagger three in position.” Phoenix confirmed flying hot on your tail.

“Popping in three, two, one.” inverting was always one of your favourite manoeuvres to pull, it made you feel invincible. Immortal for a split second. Coming back to a neutral position as you tried your best to steady your eyes on the target. The pressure on. “Get me eyes on that target, Bob–”

“Dagger three, stand by Chaos–” you could hear the panic lacing Bob's voice as he worked as fast as he could to get control over his weapons systems.

“C’mon Bob, C’mon!” You couldn't hold off for much longer, running out of time as you approached the target. It was now or never and never wasn't an option.

“Stand by!--” It felt like the longest few seconds of your entire life as you waited for the tone to sound. “I've got it, captured.” The sweet sweet sound of Bob's voice filled your cockpit as the radio blared with the confirmation you needed.

“Target acquired bombs away.” There was not another second to spare as your dropped your bombs. “Popping in three, two, one!” Pulling up the nose of your F-18, you fought against everything that told you to pass the fuck out. The force against your body nothing like you’d ever imagined as you felt the black ring around your eyes consuming you.

“We’ve got impact! Check! Direct hit direct hit!” Bob’s voice pulled you back from the brink as he confirmed you’d managed to actually hit the target. The taste of sweet sweet success had never tasted so sweet. But as sweet as success tasted there was a bitter aftertaste– where the hell was Rooster?

“Dagger two status!” It came out more pained than it should have, but fighting against the urge to pass out and the force of a thousand elephants crushing your chest will do that to you.

“Almost there Chaos almost there– Fanboy where my laser.” Rooster replied as he inverted over the lip of the mountain. Not far away at all. But after Roosters initial reply everything seemed to blur together as radio white noise.

“Rooster, there's something wrong with this laser! Shit deadeye deadeye deadeye!”

“C'mon guys we’re running out of him. Get it online”

“Come on Fanboy, get it online.”

“There's no time, im dropping blind–”

“Rooster i got this–”

“No time Pull up!”

Rooster–!”

“Bombs away, Bombs away!!”

“We’re not out of this yet.” Warning signals blared the moment you flew up above the SAM’s. Instantly on you the millisecond you were in their airspace.“Here it comes!” Your radar wasn't that far off. Signalling that you were in shit, deep. “Radar warning! Smoke in the air! Phoenix, break right!”

“Emergency jettison, Dagger three defending!” Phoenix's voice came through strongly on your radio as she followed your instructions.

“Here comes another one!” Bob reported as he tossed and turned in his seat–looking every which way he could to see where the next SAM was coming from. Your second pair of eyes in the sky.

“Dagger one defending!” You coudlnt have smacked your first against your emergency flare trap if you wanted to. Deploying your flares, looking around to see the SAM’s explode behind you. “Rooster status?” it wasn't a question, but an order. Rooster heard it in your voice as he came over coffin corner.

“Oh my god–” You heard him, that was enough confirmation you needed to know he was still in the game. Still alive. “Smoke in the air!! smoke in the air!!” But knowing SAM’s were hot on his tail the second he breached coffin corner was something that made your heart stop. This was a fucking mess. But if you got out of this alive? There was only one thing you wanted to do more than anything else in the entire world. Just make things right.

“Break right Payback!”

“Breaking right!”

“Oh my god, here they come!” Fanboy.

“SAM on your six Rooster!”

“Deploying countermeasures!” “Negative contact.”

“Dagger one defending–”

“Talk to me Bob.”

“Break right phoenix break right! Nine o’clock nine o’clock!”

“Rooster two more on your six!”

“Dagger two defending!” emergency flares.

“Payback, SAM on your nose!”

“Dagger four defending!”

“Rooster tally, seven o’clock–” 

It was all becoming too much to hear, too much to focus on, everything seemed to mash into one big mess inside your head.

“Talk to me Bob!”

“Dagger two defending”

“Phoenix break right!”

“I see it!” A mess of overlapping radio chatter until. Well, until it wasn't– until Rooster drew you out of the flurry you were in. deep in it.

“Dagger two defending–” Rooster groaned as he hit his flare cap. “Shit! I'm out of flares!” Your heart sunk, panic rose as you watched Rooster try and shake the SAM’s that kept coming his way.

“Rooster evade evade!” You shouted, tears welling in your eyes as you turned around. Splitting your throttles quicker than you could say I got you. This was Bradley Bradshaw you were protecting, you'd do anything for him– anything. Bob had said it months ago, you were an addict. You’d always go back for more no matter how bad he was for you. How bad you were for him.

“I can't shake em, they're on me! They’re on me!!” Shouting, Rooster panicked as you flew towards him. Not a thought behind your eyes besides protecting the one man who drove you fucking crazy with blind rage. The one man who knew all your secrets, all the flaws. The one man who loved you as fiercely and as passionately as he hated himself for loving you. Bradley Bradshaw wasn't just some pilot on some suicide mission you were leading. He was your best friend, the love of your life. To not save him would be to live a life alone, always regretting that you let him go.

“I can't do this again–” You whispered to yourself as you said a silent prayer to whatever god was watching over you. Whichever one that would listen you didn't really care. All you wanted was for Rooster to be alright. Be safe. Be able to go home. Even if to him his home was you. Wherever Rooster was? Home was wherever you were.

Without thinking, without hesitation, you pulled back on your throttle, sending your F-18 up, climbing in altitude as you swung up and above Rooster, hitting your flares to protect him. You felt the heat rising as you took out one of the SAM’s that were coming at Rooster, but it only grew as another blew out the back of your F-18.

“Fuck!!” Sending you spiralling into the valley below. Your skin burned under your flight suit, shrapnel embedded itself into your shoulder as you pulled your ejection cords. Punching out of the jet as it fell from the sky. Falling to the ground uncontrollably as you struggled with your shoot. “C’mon– c’mon!!” Ripping the cord just in enough time to slow you down before the tree line.

“Chaos!! No!!” Rooster shouted as pure panic consumed him. “Y/n!!” Watching the fireball that had been your F-18 crash into the valley below uncontrollably.

“Dagger one is hit! I repeat, Dagger one is hit! Chaos is down!” Phoenix reported back to the carrier. Bob couldn’t breathe, he’d told you not to do anything stupid. Why did you not listen? Addicts never listened.

“Dagger one status?” Rooster pleaded through the radio as he watched your F-18 go down in what would only be described as a fireball. Thick black clouds of smoke following. “Status?-- shit does anyone see her?” Rooster's voice became more panicked the longer he went without a definitive response. Flying around he couldn't see you. “Dagger one come in!”

“I didn't see a parachute–” Payback confirmed as he followed Rooster right on his tail.

“We have to circle back!” Rooster wasn't putting it to the group for questioning. He was going back, that wasn't an negotiable option. But that didn't stop them from trying.

“Comanche, bandits inbound, single group hot. Recommend dagger flow south– one minute to intercept.”

“All dagger flow to ecp–”

“What about chaos!?” Rooster hissed. Tears welling in his eyes– enough to the point where they steamed down his cheeks.

“Dagger spare requesting permission to launch and fly air cover!” Back on the carrier, Jake Seresin sat idly by at the hands of the Admirals who shook their heads despite his plea.

“Negative spare–” At the sound of the order he’d received Hangman threw his mask down with a frustrated grown. You weren't a quitter, if anything you were a fighter. But this? Was enough to break even the strongest of people. You had told him you wouldn't get to come back from this one, Jake just didn't know you meant like this.

“Dagger two you are not to engage, repeat you are not to engage.” It was a nightmare Rooster had never really thought about. Losing you on a mission, having you there one minute then being gone the next. Sacrificing yourself for him was also something Rooster was not about to let you do. “Dagger two return to carrier– acknowledge.” He’s been lucky this far in his career to not have flown a mission with you. And of course the first was the last.

“Rooster, those bandits are closing, we can't go back.” It killed him to say it but Bob knew he had to, in order to not lose anyone else today. He’d told you not to do anything stupid, so he wasnt going to do that either. Holding back his only emotions, because this wasnt over yet– Bob was the first to make the conclusion everyone was afraid to make. “Rooster, she's gone–Chaos is gone.”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

The chill of snow captivated you entirely. It stung, like when you’d hold something cold for far too long. Everything hurt. From the blood that had seeped into your flight suit from the wound you had on your shoulder—to the pressure forcing itself down onto your lungs. Your ribs were on fire, your nose bloodied. Pushing yourself up onto your knees felt like a task only the fittest of people could do. But you pushed through, taking in your surroundings. Snow, trees, more snow and more trees.

With a heavy sigh, you sat back on your feet, legs bent as you focused on breathing– chuckling softly at the disbelief you were alive.

Your head spun at the sound of what you could only assume was an approaching helicopter. Almost definitely not one of yours. Scrambling as fast as you could against the clock to unclip your parachute. Watching in a flurry as it came around the corner—tracking you down.

“Fuck—“ You mermered to yourself as you worked a little faster. “Fuck fuck fuck—“ Struggling to breath, struggling to run, struggling to do just about anything as you ran for your god damn life through the snow– you decided that jumping over a nearby job that looked as if it could hide you would be your best option. You couldn't outrun a helicopter.

“Fuck!” Screaming at the top of your lungs, you curled yourself up into a ball as the enemy helicopter fired rounds your way. Missing every time but only by mere centimetres. So close you could feel the residual heat coming from them. “Oh my god–fuck!” Holding your shoulder you watched as the helicopter came around to face you, staring down the barrel of a gun, accepting your fate– you gave in. Shutting your eyes tight, you heard the sound of explosions, being met with sight of the helicopter blown to pieces when you opened them curiously. Watching as Roosters F-18 came racing by. Enemy SAM’s making contact with the tail of his F-18, forcing him down.

“Oh God No–” With pure panic bubbling to the surface as you stood, you watched as Rooster was struck, his F-18 spiralling down towards earth on fire. “Rooster! Fuck! No no no no no!” It hurt to move, it hurt to breathe, you were bleeding from God only knows where with injuries unknown and countless–but you had to get to him. That wasn't negotiable.

Racing through the snow, trees lining the way, you ran as fast as your body would allow you to and then some. Pushing through everything you felt to get to Rooster. Seeing him casually folding up his parachute.

“You alright!?” You didn't let your legs slow down until you got to where Rooster was crouching over. Standing, he replied.

“Yeah, I'm good! What about you?” With a heavy shove to his chest you had Rooster on his back in the snow. Watching as he ripped his helmet from his face as you did the same. “What the hell!?” Rooster stood to his feet in a fluffy, his eyes beaming at you. Anger laced his tone as he got in your face.

“Fucking idiot! What are you doing here!?” You couldn’t hold in your anger. You thought he’d been stupid enough to sacrifice himself for you.

“What am I doing here?” Rooster repeated as you huffed, clearing injured and out of breath. Your good arm, working to cradle your clearly not okay arm. Holding your forearm close to your chest as you held the weight of your arm—taking pressure off your shoulder. Your collarbone throbbing. Ribs collapsing into your lungs.

“You think I took that missile so you could be down here with me!? You should be back on the carrier by now!?”

“I SAVED YOUR LIFE!” Leaning into it, Rooster gritted his teeth. Defending his actions as you puffed your chest. Still cradling your arm.

“No! I saved YOUR life! That’s the whole point! What the fuck where you even thinking!!”

“You told me not to think!” You had nothing to come back at him with. You had told him that, on many occasions. You just never expected he’d use your own logic against you. Stunned into silence– you watched as Rooster held his arms up and slammed them back down into his sides in a what the hell kinda way.

Out of breath and knowing that Rooster was alive, you let out a sigh of relief. Rooster stopped to look around for a brief moment– taking in the terrain.

“Well, it's good to see you.” You cooed, standing tall as blood dripped from your shoulder, seeping into your flight suit. Staining it a dark crimson colour.

“It's good to see you too–” Pausing briefly as his eyes wandered down to where the colour of your suit had changed, Rooster's heart sank. “Your bleeding?” Coming closer, you leaned into his touch. Feeling a little light headed as Rooster worked to unbutton a few of your flight suit buttons to get a closer look. Grimacing at the sight. “Well it certainly looks worse than it probably feels.”

“Feels like I've been shot by a flare.” The taste of iron covered your taste buds as blood dripped from your nose. Working to wipe it away with the sleeve of your suit.

“Little dramatic but I'd say some form of shrapnel.” Rooster mumbled as he worked to do up the buttons he had undone. “Other than that? You alright?” Silence fell between you as you looked up into Rooster's eyes. Noticing the blood on his neck.

Nodding you pressed your lips together—knowing if you spoke you’d be lying through your teeth. You didn't want to say anything else about any other injuries because you didn't know what was wrong. All your knew was that everything fucking hurt.

“I didn’t mean what I said.” It hurt to speak but you pushed it aside. Reaching out with your good arm to wipe the dirt off Roosters cheek. “I just didn’t want you flying this stupid mission.” You did it all for love.

“Yeah, I gathered that.” Rooster smirked as he reached out to cup your cheeks, standing so close although you were standing in the snow? You felt nothing but warmth. His warmth. “Hangman told me—“

“That fucker—I told him in—“ Rooster didn’t let you finish. His lips were warm against yours for what felt like a lifetime. Time stood still as he deepened it, desperately needed to just be with you. “When we get outta this mess, that's it okay—no more games, I wanna make this, us–work.” It hurt to hold your breath or whatever breath your lungs could hold as you kissed Rooster back. His hands still cupping your cheeks, holding you close to him as snow fell around you. “I thought for a moment there that I’d lost you for good and I’ll never shake that feeling.”

“Rooster—“

“Marry me?” Okay yeah now you couldn’t breathe.

“Did you hit your head?” Reaching out to inspect Rooster’s head, you frowned in response to his out there question. Listening to him chuckle as he shook his head. “What the hell—you hit your head didn't you?”

“I’m serious. Marry me Y/n.” Rooster was as serious as a heart attack.

“Bradley, we’re standing in enemy territory, I don’t know how to get us out of here and you already know whatever we are just isn’t—“

“Don’t think, just do.” Rooster smirked as he kissed you again. His hands squishing your cheeks together as you chuckled into his touch. Pulling away because you genuinely couldn’t breathe, your ribs crushing your lungs.

“Okay okay—I’ll think about it.” Silence fell as your eyes met Roosters. “When we get outta this mess, ask me again.” Roosters hands lingering on your hips—keeping you close as snow fell around you. “We need a plan.” Kissing the top of your head as he pulled you in, Rooster was unaware of the pain you were in.

“Well—what's the plan?” But despite the pain, you still had to figure a way out of here.

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Alarm bells rang throughout the valley as you and Rooster laid parched at the lookout point you'd decided was the best vantage point. Holding your binoculars up, you handed them over to Rooster who was looking at you as if you were crazy. You’d have to have hit your head, this was crazy even for you.

“You're not serious?” looking at you with disbelief evident is his eyes Rooster asked if you were bat shit crazy. “You've gotta be shitting me, an F-14?” Rooster held the binoculars up to his eyes one more time to confirm what he was seeing, what he was hearing. There was no way this was your plan. Stupic, idiotic and absolutely chaotic at best.

“Mav’s shot down two MiG’s in one of those things–” You never took your eyes off the prize. This was the only way to get you and Rooster home. The only way you could come up with. “We need a way out—the only way out is to go out the same way we got in, fly.”

“Are you mentally deficient Chaos? This is a suicide mission—“ Rooster argued as he laid beside you on his stomach.

“What, and you thought blowing up all that Uranium wasn’t?” Rooster had to admit he got you there. “Rooster I learnt a long ago that if the Navy was only going to see a girl that’s dangerous, a force to be reckoned with and way too stubborn, then there’s no point in trying to be anything else—they aren’t coming back for me, for you, this is the only way we’re getting out of this alive.”

“We don't even know if that bag of ass can fly! Also, you've never flown one before!” Hissing through gritted teeth Rooster watched as you sat back on your knees, groaning softly as you cupped your side. Your bad arm still resting against your torso. Trying to keep it still without a sling was proving to be a little difficult.

“Let's find out–” You waisted no time as you pushed yourself up onto your feet—marching out into enemy territory.

“Chaos!” Rooster whisper shouted as he reached out for you, slipping through his fingertips as always. “Okay–” Deciding he didn't want to be left behind, Rooster ran after you, catching up quickly as you continued scouting the area. Feeling the brick wall that was Rooster crashing into the back of you as he lost his footing for a second.

“There's guys up there Chaos–”

“Yep–” You acknowledged Rooster as his hands guided your hips.

“There's more over there–” Looking around frantically, Rooster shoved you softly, forcing you to pick up the pace as you saw people running around you. Most likely heading to their stations.

“Okay–let's start running.”

“Yeah, run, run!” It really didn’t take the two of you long to reach the hangar where the old F-14 sat tucked away. Panting as you struggled to breathe—Rooster's stomach dropped at the feeling something might not be okay. “Hey you good?” His hand on the small of your back as you looked over the generator. A million things you had no idea what did or didn’t do. But a few things stood out.

“I’m fine.” It was a blatant lie, but to mention you felt like you were dying would be to worry Rooster for no good reason. “Okay so when I give you the signal for air, you're gonna flip this switch until the needle gets to one twenty.” Rooster listened as you explained what you needed him to do. “When the engine starts, you gotta pull out the pins and disconnect everything– do you understand?”

“How do you know all this?” There really wasn’t time to go into depth about how you’d taken an old aviation course a while back. Nothing serious, but it gave you enough basic knowledge to guess your way through this.

“No time for that now, do you understand?” Shaking off Roosters curiosity.

“Yeah– yeah I'm good.”

“Good.” Turning to try and get power going, you couldn't hold in your excitement when the generator kicked off. “Yes!--’ Racing off as you held your shoulder firmly, losing blood a little quicker than you would have liked to have been.

“Once I'm up, stow the ladder.” Placing your helmet on as Rooster watched on almost starstruck. He couldn't believe this was happening. He always thought you would be the death of him, but this wasn't what he had on his bingo card. Watching as you climbed up the ladder, stowing it away shortly after you sat down in the cockpit.

“Okay wow–talk to me Mav, what am I looking at here?” You mumbled to yourself as electronic wiring filled the cockpit as you gave Rooster the signal. Firing up the engines, Rooster raced around untagging and pulling pins. Jumping up onto the wing of the F-14 before settling in behind you.

“Oh my god this thing is so old–” Rooster had never flown with you before. Sure, he’d flown with you in terms of training—but he’d never been your back seater. He’d never been in the same cockpit as you.

“Canopy?” Rooster knew what type of pilot you were, reckless and crazy.

“Clear–!” But that was exactly what you both needed to get you out of here alive. Try or die. Pulling out of the hanger slowly, the creaking of aluminium filled your eardrums as you hit the breaks. Fuck— there way nothing left.

“Both runways are cratered, how are we gonna get this museum piece in the air?” Rooster asked as he sat behind you. Watching as you flipped the safety up—extending the wings out as if you were preparing for takeoff.

“Why are the wings coming out, Chaos?” You couldn’t help but to chuckle at how ridiculous it sounded coming out of Roosters mouth. He knew exactly why the wings were coming out—he just didn’t want to believe you were inherently this fucking crazy. This desperate. “Chaos this is a taxiway, not a runway, this is a very short taxiway Chaos!”

“Rooster just hang on–” You didn't see another way out. Committing as you fired up everything the old nF-14 had to give as full speed. Sending you both back against your chairs.

“Holy Shit!” If Rooster lived to see the day, he swore to himself that if he ever had the chance to have children, he’d be sure to tell them about the time their mother used a taxiway as a runway. Hopefully that would be enough to convince them of just how crazy you were. Perhaps maybe they'd be too scared to be reckless themselves.

“C’mon c’mon c’mon needles alive, c’mon– You grinned as you watched the needle climb, pulling up on your throttle as your landing gear left the taxiway.

“Chaos!!” Rooster shouted as he felt you lifting off.

“That's it, c'mon! C’mon! Here we go!”

“Holy shit!” Rooster felt like he was going to be sick, this was crazy even for you. The craziest thing he’d ever seen anyone do, and he knew Maverick. This took the cake. He felt the landing gear rip off the bottom of the F-14 as you just barely missed the top of the lookout. Exhaling in relief, Rooster turned his ESAT on. “You’re fucking crazy–”

“Hey if you have any ideas air them now Bradshaw–” Laughing together, you thought you were home free.”Can you work on getting us in touch with the boat?”

“Yeah, working on it, but the radio’s out, we have no radar, everything is dead back here. What should I do? talk me through it.”

“Okay, um–first the radio, throw the uh–UHF-2 breaker, try that?” There was something incredibly attractive about the way you told him what to do. Rooster knew it was probably really bad timing, but he couldn't help the way he felt. It was empowering, you were strong and fierce and everything his mother told him to find in a woman.

“There are three hundred breakers back there, anything more specific?” Rooster looked around at all the breakers trying to find the one you'd told him to try, completely overwhelmed.

“I’ve only taken a short course on old aviation and navigation, dad and Mav never really talked all that much about anything like that– I think it was more of your dad's department.”

“I'll figure it out.” Flying steady, it was almost too good to be true. Too easy, pulled off without a hitch. There was a small part of you that felt like something else was about to go wrong. The engine would die or the wings would fall off. “Chaos tally two five o’clock low.” Well it wasn't what you were imagining but it was still serious. “what do we do?”

“Okay listen, just be cool, if they knew who we were, we’d be dead already.” That much was ture. Scrambling your brain trying to come up with a plan, but there was nothing–you were running on empty.

“Well, here they come– what's your plan?” You wanted to be honest and say you didn't have one, because you really didn't. But you couldn't go down without a fight–not when you had Roosters life on the line as well. You were getting yourself out of this. Getting Rooster out of this.

“Just put your mask on, remember, we’re on the same team.” Flying up beside you the bandits gestured a few things you weren't sure of, signalling back you tried to say you could hear. That must have told them something was off. Watching as he filled back. “Oh shit his wingman is moving into weapons envelope.” Alright, listen up– when I tell you, you grab those rings above your head.” Rooster looked up to where the yellow and black striped rope was above his head. “That's the ejection handle.”

“Chaos can we outrun these guys?”

“Not their missiles and guns.”

“Then it's a dog fight–” You let Rooster's words linger in the air for a moment. He knew you had it in you, but something was stopping you from being reckless.

“An F-14, against fifth generation fighters?” Arguing the point, you really didn't want to have to admit you didn't think you could do it. Your lungs felt like they were full of water, your heart burned, your shoulder throbbed and your nose felt like it was ten times bigger than it should have been. You’d done a bang up job on yourself that was for sure.

“It's not the plane, it's the pilot.” Rooster's voice was soft, a starck contrast to the situation you were both facing right now. “I know you’d go after then if I wasn't here.”

“But you are here–” The way you said it, such softness in your tone, such a love, with such a desire to protect him. Rooster had to snap you out of it because he knew you better than anyone and there was no one else who could get the two of you out of this. It was do or die trying, there wasn't any room to hold back.

“C’mon Chaos, don't think, just do.” As if something possessed you in the blink of an eye—you were pulling back on the throttle violently. Forcing your jet behind the firs bandit before hammering in with your guns. Peppering the aluminium. “Tell me when you see smoke in the air!” Rooster did his best to stay in his seat as you broke left, then right. Doing your best to evade the second bandit. Turning around to look at the missile coming directly at you—tone ringing throughout the cockpit.

“Smoke in the air!! smoke in the air!”

“Hang on!” Turning left as sharp as you could, you swung low–racing past the bandit that was already on its way down. The missile that had been heading directly at you making contact with the bandit as you cut in front of him.

“Yeah Chaos! Splash one splash one!” Rooster cheered behind you, turning to see the bandit on your tail had fired yet another missile. “Here comes another one.”

“Rooster flares, now, now, now!” Rooster did as he was told, working quickly to deploy countermeasures, flares popping as he held his finst against the button. “Splitting the throttles, coming around.” You knew you were talking to yourself at this point but you didn't really care. It seemed to help as you pulled back and fell behind the bandit. Now positioned behind him once again. Chasing him down as you tried your best to get your targeting system on him. “Give me tone give me tone” The target lock beeped rapidly–notifying you that you had him locked. Or her– you weren't really sure and you didn't really care, it was them or you.

“You got him Chaos you got him!” Rooster kept doing his best to keep you focused, keep you fighting. He couldn't really do anything else. All his systems were down, he wasn't a backseater.

“I'm taking the shot!” As you took the shot with one of only two missiles that you had– you hoped it was a straight shooter. Unfortunately it wasn't, and you couldn't really explain what actually happened even if you tried. Watching as the bandit stalled his engines and flew straight past you, flat in a spin that seemed near impossible to control.

“Holy shit what the fuck was that?” Rooster had never seen a manoeuvre like that, neither had you.

“Hang on, we gotta get low, the terrain will confuse his targeting system.” swinging low, the nose of your F-14 took a steep dive towards the valley, only mere metres above the ground as you took sharp lefts and rights.

“Here he comes!” Rooster announced as he had his head turned. Feeling the not so good sensation of rounds embedding into the aluminium of your F-14.

“We took a hit, we took a hit!” Rooster watched as the bandit gained turf on your tail.

“Talk to me Rooster, where is he?”

“He's still on us!”

“Damit–”

“C’mon Chaos to some of the Vigilante shit!” This felt personal now. You were fucking pissed. You were hurt, bleeding. They say looks could kill and the way you were looking at this bandit right now—How was he not already dead?

“Brace yourself!” You were flying for revenge. Not a single aviation rule applied at this point. Pulling up as you climbed for altitude only to swing back around and cut the engine for a brief second to fall behind again.

“Holy shit!” Rooster usually had a pretty good constitution, but the way you were flying? It had him on the brink of spewing chunks down your back.

“I got tone, taking the shot!” You watched with revenge in your eyes as the Missile went flying towards the bandit. Smoke in the air as he deployed his flares—making contact. “Dammit—I’m out of missiles, switching to guns.”

“You got him Chaos!”

“It's not over yet, once last chance!”

“You can do this!” It felt like you were peering through a window, a deep portal, time travelling

All the love you unravelled and the life you almost gave away as Rooster encouraged you to keep fighting. Memories flashing back as you chased the bandit down.

“I'm trying to break up with you Y/n”

“I can't make you wait for me, I'm not going to do that.”

“I think I'm ready to let go now–”

“Thank you for breaking me to the point where I learned to finally value myself, It took a lot.”

“I'm not doing this anymore, this back and forth bullshit!”

“Well figure out a way to stop because you will be the last person I allow back into my life!”

“Go to hell Kazansky.”

As your mind whipped through a rolodex of memories, you hadnt even noticed you’d pulled the trigger for the final time. Peppering the banit with everything you had left. Roosters cheers, pulling you back from your subconscious.

“Yes! Splash two splash two!!” Bradley couldn't control his excitement if he tried, reacting over to tap your shoulder– not releasing it was your bad one.”

“AH, Fuck!” Hissing through gritted teeth you closed your eyes tight. Flying smooth over the water towards the carrier's last known positioning.

“What, what's wrong?” Rooster asked, not knowing how bad things really were. “Are you alright?”

“Im fine its just–” Pausing briefly, you let out a prolonged exhale as you adjusted yourself. “Just my shoulder Bradshaw, nothing I can't handle, just work on getting us in touch with the carrier.” It didn't take Rooster too long to figure out where that breaker was hiding that you told him about before the bandits had showed up.

Chaos, I got the radio on, gonna get us in touch now–”

“Copy That–” All of a sudden, your alarm systems began blaring. All you could think was not again, had you not been through enough all ready? “Oh my god–” Looking around you began to panic, eyes wide with fear.

“Where the hell is this guy?” Rooster questioned as he did the same, leaving fingerprints on the glass of the cockpit as he twirled in his chair. Looking every which way possible to try and spot the bandit.

“Rooster–he’s on our nose.” There wasn’t a moment more than now where you wished you could wake up screaming from dreaming, quickly acting to fire another round of ammunition—nothing “Dammit it, we’re out of ammo.” With fearful eyes and a heart racing at a million miles an hour—you saw the unimaginable. A missile coming straight for you. “SMOKE IN THE AIR–ROOSTER FLARES!” There was barely any time to react, you’d only just managed to pull up on the throttle. Sending the nose of your F-14 sky high.

“That was close!” Rooster turned in his seat as his eyes followed the bandit, watching with a tight chest and shallow breathing as he came back around. Coming right after you. Pressing his thumb against the flare ignition—nothing. “We’re out of flares Chaos!”

“Shit he's already on us!” Stuck in a tin can, bleeding to death—there wasn’t much else you had up your sleeves. In all accounts you’d put up a pretty good fight, one hell of a fight even. The sound of artillery fire rained down on your F-14, jolting you around as warning bells blared and systems flashed.

“We took another hit.”

“no , no, no, no, no, no–”

“We can't take much more of this!”

“We can't out run this guy, we gotta eject!”

“What?” Rooster would follow you to the end of the earth if you asked him to. But there had to be another way. One more spectacular surprise up your sleeve. You’d gotten him this far, the carrier was in sight.

“We need altitude, pull the ejection handles the second I tell you.”

“Chaos wait–” How could you give up now?

“Rooster there's no other way, eject eject eject!” It felt like the weight of the world was crushing you in on yourself—your lungs burned like smouldering piles of tar. “Rooster–pull the goddamn handle!”

“It's, not, working!” Those three simple words held so much weight. Enough to break you. Rooster tried his best to break the canopy free but it was no use. You’d done even in your power to save him, save yourself. But all your efforts would go unnoticed.

Underneath all your bad blood, you and Rooster still had your sanctum. Despite everything? Bradley Bradshaw was still home.

Although you’d said it a million times over, but it was never too late to build it back everything you had—everything you wanted to have and more. A one-in-a-million chance is still a chance at the end of the day—and for Rooster you would take those odds.

“I’m so sorry—“ There was no time left to unbreak the broken, unsay spoken words, find hope in the hopeless. There was no time to beg for someone to pull you out of the train wreck. There was no time to unbury the ashes or unchain the reactions.

“I'm so sorry Bradley—“ You simply were not ready to die, not yet. As you closed your eyes, knowing soon after you’d be consumed entirely by fire—Rooster voice pulled you back out of the void that had its strong grip around your throat. Numb to almost everything as you held onto whatever life you had in you. Cold, your fingers and toes seemed to be numb. The left side of your body, just nothing. Ghostly.

An air to air kill. That’s what it was. The explosion so big, so powerful—it left clouds of dark black smoke lingering like demons. The gates of hell itself had opened up as a familiar F-18 came soaring through the plumes.

“Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen, this is your saviour speaking—“ With a sigh of utter relief and a thankful smirk. You had never been so happy to see Jake Seresin. “Please fasten your seatbelts, return your tray tables to their locked and upright positions, and prepare for landing.” Smacking your first twince against the glass of the cockpit, you laughed aloud. So beyond thankful. You were fucking alive—alive long enough to see Rooster back on stable ground. Safe with the people who cared about him the most.

“Hey Hangman–You look good.” Rooster commented from his seat in the back. You couldn’t help but to chuckle as Jake nodded in response before radioing back, the same cocky response he’d given Rooster at the Hard Deck.

“I am good Rooster, I'm very good. I'll see you back on deck.”

“Impeccable timing—“ Rooster sighed as he felt his entire body relax as you followed Hangman back to the carrier. “And exceptional dog fighting, lieutenant Kazansky.”

“I had someone pretty important to protect, I wasn’t going down without a fight.” You had nothing left to give. Fighting with everything you had to stay awake, stay alert and land this F-14. Switching channels as you radios back to the carrier. “Chaos is downwind. No front landing gear, no tailhook, pull the cable and raise the barricade.”

There was something important you had to do. Racing past the bridge of the carrier where both Admiral Beau and Admiral Bates stood. You flew low and close as you held your finger up to the glass. Giving them the bird before your right engine cut out.

“Please don't tell me we lost an engine.” Rooster sighed, what else could possibly go wrong.

“Alright I won't tell you that.” Chuckling you braced for impact. With no landing gear you hit the deck with a thud—scrapping for what felt like miles as the barricade helped to slow you to a complete stop. “You good?”

“Yeah, i'm good–” Nodding as he spoke, Rooster was quick to remove his helmet as the canopy opened. Standing to greet the crowd of overly excited crew who thought for sure you were both goners. “Here, I got you.” It was a simple gesture but a much needed one. Rooster stood on the ladder as he helped you down. Noticing how much blood had soaked your flight suit. “Fucking hell you’re not okay.”

“M’fine.” It came out more of a mumble than a definitive statement but before you could try again Rooster was being hauled away into the crowd of excited cheering men and women. Jake Seresin appeared as the crowd dissipated from around him as they drew their atom Rooster. “Chalked yourself another kill?” You teased as he stood before you. Handing you a handkerchief to wipe the blood off your face that had dripped from your nose. Swollen and surely broken.

“That makes two–”

“Chaos has Five, makes her an ace.” Phoenix was quick to interject as her and Bob joined the conversation. Bob carefully and ever so gently wrapped his arms around you, drawing you in for a hug that he never thought he’d get to give you. 

“Lieutenant Kazanksy!” Although even for less then a few minutes,there wasn’t a part of Rooster that didn’t want to be by your side. “Lieutenant Kazansky!” God you couldn't let him speak another word, pulling Rooster in by his flight suit as he neared you. Your lips on his as he leaned into you.

“Thank you for saving my life.” Mumbling against Rooster mouth you felt your heart skipping beats. You tried to tell yourself it was because of Rooster—but deep down? You knew it had something to do with the way everything felt numb. How everything seemed to still, all the noise and colour in the world began to fade.

“You did the same for me–” Rooster cooed just as he noticed how disoriented you’d become. Suddenly dropping forward into him as your legs gave out. “Chaos?” The adrenaline that had been pumping through your veins since that helicopter came after you. “Hey—Y/n?” Tapping your check softly, Rooster dropped to his knees with you limp in his arms. Your eyes on his as you struggled to breathe. “Woah—hey, what’s wrong? Chaos, can you hear me?” You couldn’t hear Rooster, not at all. But you could see his lips moving as Bob worked to clear a space around you—calling for medical staff to intervene.

“Shit—no, no, no, no—hey Y/n you stay with me yeah?” Rooster felt the blood on his hands as it seeped through your flight suit. “Don’t do this, we’re good? Yeah? Your alright—“

“I’ll marry you.” Choking it out as blood leaked from your mouth. “Don’t think, just do.” Eyes rolling as you lost it completely, following whatever force was pulling you away.

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Jake Seresin had become used to the steady melody that was the bells and whistles that let him know you were still fighting. Unlike Rooster, who hadn’t left the hospital let alone Miramar—Hangman would do the usual rounds every few days.

First on his ever growing list of tasks would be to always stop by the nurses station. With his tan service uniform dawned and a smile that could break hearts, he’d lean on the counter and chat to whoever would give him the time of day.

After getting his kicks with the front desk nurses—Jake would make his way to your room. He’d taken it as a good thing when they moved you out of intensive care to general pop. But he didn’t account for the roommates you would acquire. Rooster and Bob had yet to leave, they would tag team watching over you.

Jake would linger at the threshold of the room for a moment, he’d take in the sight of you. Intubated, comatosed, arm in a sling to help your shoulder heel, collarbone broken. With a sigh, he’d put on a brave face. Stalking over to read your chart that hung from the bottom on your bed. By all accounts you seemed to be getting better, so why after three weeks had you shown no sign of waking up.

The next item on the agenda would be to check on Bradley and Bob. The Miramar hospital's latest residences. Jake would pick up the rubbish from takeout, he’d pick dead followers out of the bunches Rooster continued to buy you. He’d place blankets over Bob and Rooster as they laid knocked out old on those uncomfortable as all hell hospital chairs. He’d even go as far as to make sure the window would be cracked open slightly, hoping the fresh air would do good to help you recover.

Today was different though. Because as Jake Seresin stood at the threshold of your hospital room, a bunch of flowers in his hand to replace the decaying ones he’d seen diminishing rapidly on Wednesday—he saw you looking back at him. Eyes tired with a soft smirk evident on your face.

“Well I’ll be damned—“ You didn’t respond, you simply placed your finger over your mouth. Jake understood instantly as he crept into the room. Taking in the fact Rooster and Bob both sat slouched in the corner of the room. One drooling, both slightly snoring with mouths a jar. “How long have you been awake?” Hangman was as quiet as he could be as he placed the bunch of flowers at the foot of your bed.

“About an hour—give or take.” Watching as he pulled up a spare chair, coming close to your bedside as your eyes followed him. “I didn’t wanna wake them.” Gesturing to where Rooster and Bob sat sleeping, leading on one another for support as they caught up on the one thing that seemed to evade them—sleep. Jake followed your gaze for a brief moment before turning back to you. “They look like hell.”

“I dunno if you’ve had a chance to look in the mirror Chaos, but I think it’s safe to say you look the most hellish.”

“And you pick up? With that attitude? Pfft—way to make a girl swoon Seresin.” Laughing hurt, but you pushed throughout the pain. “How long have they been here for?”

“Well Robert decided to join the sleepover after you got out of the intensive care ward—Rooster? I don’t think he’s left your side since the carrier, man had to be detained for a minute there while on board.”

“What why!”

“Because he wouldn’t let you go, people were trying to do their jobs you know, help you—but Rooster just would not let them take you.”You had nearly given your life for him, how could he ever let you go? It probably wasn't the most rational decision, but it was the only one his brain at the time would commit to. In his arms you would be the safest. “Have you spoken to the doctors yet?”

“I told them I’d buzz when I was ready to be poked and prodded—just wanted to kinda lay here and just breathe.” Hangman smirked as he pushed himself out of the chair he sat on, reaching out for the clipboard hanging at the foot of your bed before nestling back into the chair. Leaning back as he flipped through the reports, looking at you grimacing.

“Shrapnel from SAM’s embedded in soft tissue of left shoulder, a broken clavicle—full fitness tear of your subscapularis, seven broken ribs, a punctured lung, broken nose—and to top it all off? Chaos, you had a bloody stroke.” It came as a massive shock to you, Hangman could tell by the way you just shared into his soul. Speechless, stunned. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact you managed to fly an F-14 back to the carrier with a busted collarbone—that would’ve been enough to take me out of the fight.”

“I don’t really remember much.” That part was no surprise as Jake flipped the papers back onto the clipboard, setting it aside. “I remember the mission, being hit—everything after that’s pretty blurry.”

Rustling from the corner of the room at you and Jake turned your heads almost completely synchronised to see what all the commotion was about. Bob had stirred himself awake from the sheer lack of comfort. Rubbing his eyes as he yawned—Bob’s eyes met yours and instantly thought he was still dreaming.

“Hi—“ Only when you said something did he stumble over to your bedside, his glasses crooked on the bridge of his nose.

“What? You’re awake!” Too scared to touch you, Bob's hands shook as they hovered over your arm. He’s always known you to be strong, fearless, independent. This was a whole new ball game though. You looked fragile, like paper thin glass that could shatter into a million pieces instantly if he wasn't careful. Bruises still purple, green and yellow. Bandages and stitches covered cuts and deep lacerations. Your nose looked better though, he'd give you that much.

“Seems like it, yeah.”

“How long? Why didn’t anyone wake me? Wake Rooster—?” Bob questioned as he turned back over his shoulder to see Rooster till sleeping soundly.

“An hour give or take, and you looked like you needed the rest.”

“They only took your interbations out like four days ago.” Bob was quick to pull up a chair as he sat down on the other side of you. Still rubbing his eyes, still waking up. Feeling groggy but god was it worth it to have you awake again.

“Miss Chaos here is still defying odds it seems.” Jake Seresin had developed a new apraction for you. He saw you as something higher than a god.

“How long have I been out for?” You weren't really sure how long it had been, but by the scruff that covered Roosters cheeks as he slept it must have been a hot minute or two.

“Three weeks give or take a few days, Doctors thought it could’ve been a lot longer, something about how your body had been put under a lot of stress.” Bob explained as he monitored your heartbeat, the numbers steady, giving him peace of mind. Always such a numbers guy.

“Admiral Beau is pressing for gross misconduct you know.” Hangman let it slip just as Rooster began to stir awake. “Says your injuries were a direct result of your own actions.”

“Doesn't surprise me.” Coughing slightly as Bob handed you one of those small plastic cups full of water. Helping you take a sip carefully. Holding the back of your head gently for support. “He’s not my biggest stan is he?”

“Nope, but he probably won't get very far, especially since he denied my request to fly aircover–” Jake's eyes were full of rage as he cracked his knuckles. Rooster finally came to as he sat up in his chair, the blanket that covered his legs falling absentmindedly to the ground as he groaned, not in pain–but from something that wasn't comfort. “Ah, this should be good.” Jake smirked as he let out a soft chuckle. Bob couldn't hold back his smile as he did the same, leaning back into his chair as Rooster rubbed his eyes. “Hey Bradshaw– look who’s back in the land of the living.” Jake caught Bradleys attention.

“Oh my god!” Bradley Brashaw had never moved so quickly in his life. Racing across the room like a mad man to get to your side. His eyes full of love and admiration as they welled with tears. The happiest of tears to see your smile again. To see your eyes, big and full of life. “You’re awake.”

“And you have a beard.” You couldn't help but to tease, reaching up to cup Roosters cheek as he leaned in to softly kiss your forehead. Something he had done every day for the last three weeks. “I like it.” Rooster smiled against your forehead before pulling away, gesturing for Hangman to move his ass out of the chair he sat in.

“Can you like, move man?”

“Because you asked so nicely.” Hangman winked as he stood. “C’mon Bobby let's go get a bite to eat, I'm starving.” Bob looked panicked as Hangman gestured to him to get up. You sent him the softest of looks knowing he just didn't wanna leave.

“Robert Floyd, I'll be here when you get back.” The way you said it with such certainly gave Bob peace of mind, you looked

“I know what you felt like when everyone said to leave Sam.” Bob's voice was soft as he looked down at his feet. “Promise you’ll be here.” It wasn't a question, Bob needed you to promise or else he wasn't leaving. Reaching out for his hand you held him as tight as you could, which wasn't all that hard.

“I promise.” It hurt to leave you but he knew he had to give you and Rooster some time alone. Standing to his feet Bob let your hand go as you turned your attention back to Bradley. A soft smile plastering itself across your face as you let your head fall back against the pillow. “Hi–”

“Hi yourself.” Bradley beamed as he kissed the back of your hand over and over again. “Shit I dont even know where to start.” Choking back his tears, Rooster just softened his gaze, taking you in for all your wew. The love of his life. “How are you feeling?”

“Um– yeah I've felt better, I won't lie.” You couldn't take your eyes off Rooster, he looked so damn good with that scruff, that almost beard that covered his cheeks and chin. “I don't remember much at all.”

“What do you remember?” Rooster cooed as he ever so lovingly moved as close to you as the chair would allow him to.

“Um–” You could still hear it, how panicked rooster was when he said he was out of flares. “I remember you saying you were out of flares.” Swallowing to stop yourself from choking up. “I remember the heat from the fire, and the weird way the snow burnt too. I can vaguely remember shoving you at one point but that's all I got.” Rooster nodded softly in response as he sat back in his chair.

“Well boy, do I have a story for you.” Rooster sat with you for what had to have been a good hour and a half explaining in depth what had happened. Everything you had done for him. Doctors and nurses worked around him as they did check ups and small assessments. He held your hand as they drew blood and never left your side.

Bradley Bradshaw told you everything that had happened, his hero. Only excluding one key detail. The fact he’d asked you in full confidence to marry him.

***~***~***~***~***~***~

Four Months Later.

“Whatcha doin?” The sound of your walking stick had become a common noise Bradley Bradshaw had associated with your presence. He’d hear the gentle thud against the hardwood floor and know you were somewhere close by.

Your arm wrapping around Roosters torso from behind, he hadnt heard you coming. Turning in your arms Rooster faced you– looking slightly down and you tilted your chin up towards him. He’d kept the beard.

“Where is your walking cane?” You had been spending your time at Roosters childhood home. With Carole gone it sat empty most of the time while he was deployed. With recovery still months ahead, it only seemed out of necessity for you to move in with the man you swore to be by your side every step of the way. Even if it were only a temporary thing.

“In the bin where it belows.” Rooster had been doing some remodelling in his spare time. He’d ripped up the old carpet in the living room–knocked out the old splash-back in the kitchen, even changed the majority of the light fixtures throughout the house.

“Y/n–” Rooster smirked as he let his hands fall softly to your waist, playing with the strap that ran across the circumference of your waist–your arm still in a sling from your shoulder surgery months ago.

“Bradley–?” You questioned back with raised eyebrows.

“You had a stroke, we've talked about this.” Rooster sighed as you huffed at him, pulling away.

“I don't need it anymore! Look!” Spinning around in a small circle as you touched your nose. “See-perfectly fine.” It had only been four months since the Uranium Mission and by all accounts you had been recovering well from your injuries. But time was definitely something you were struggling to accept you needed to heal completely. You hated being grounded, hated being on sick leave, hated not being able to go to work.

“Shit someone call Mav, may as well get you back up in the pilot's seat.” Rooster teased as he crossed his arms. He knew better than anyone else that was killing you. But he had to be the voice of reason.

“You aren't funny–” Sending him a glare you turned on your heels, heading down the hallway.

“Just get your cane so we can go will you?” It was sad that your favourite day of the week had become grocery shopping day. You and Rooster would make a whole day of it.

“Fine– but not because you told me to.” You’d start with the list the night before, both going through the fridge freezer and pantry to see what you had left and what you needed.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night Chaos!” Then before you’d even make it to the first of three grocery stores plus the specialty butcher—Rooster would stop by the local cafe, picking up the regular coffees and breakfast bagels you’d never get tired of eating.

Meeting Rooster outside by the passenger side door that he had opened and ready for you to jump on in—he’d pull you into him for a loving kiss. This was the domestic bliss he’d craved for so many years.

“Did you get a new air freshener?” Questioning the intense smell of pine that smacked you in the face. His side of the broken heart necklace still hanging from his rear view mirror. “Smells like—“ sniffing, you couldn’t put your finger on it until the memory came flooding back. “Pine—“

“Marry me?”

“Did you hit your head?” What the hell—you hit your head didn't you?”

“I’m serious. Marry me Y/n.”

“Bradley, we’re standing in enemy territory, I don’t know how to get us out of here and you already know whatever we are just isn’t—“

“Don’t think, just do.”

“Okay okay—I’ll think about it.”

“I’ll marry you.”

The smell of pine brought the missing pieces of the puzzle back as Rooster climbed into the driver's seat, fixing his seatbelt.

“Oh my god—“

“What? You good?”

“You’d asked me to marry you?” It came out softer than you thought it would have as you turned to look at Rooster confused. “You asked me to marry you after I found you in the snow—“

“Y/n, listen to me—“ Rooster could physically see the panic rising as your eyes widened in disbelief.

“And all this time you never thought to mention it!?” He’d admit it may have been the wrong thing to do. A judgement call he’d blundered. Rooster knew bits and pieces had started to come back. Not only would you tell him when something would be triggered, but he’d help to curve the nightmares that plagued you.

“Chaos—“ You didn’t want to listen, opening the door of Roosters bronco, stepping out as fast as you could without your cane as you hobbled your way back inside. Rooster hot on your tail. “Wait a second will you.”

“For what exactly! What am I waiting for? Huh? Is all this just some elaborate scheme of yours? I saved your life so I’ll scratch your back huh! Is that it!”

“What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t bother to jog my fucking memory! You told me everything else except the part where you literally asked me to marry you!!”

“I can explain why if you would just let me—“ Trying his best to come closer to you but every step Rooster took you’d take one step back. Holding your hand out as if to protect yourself.

“You’re just waiting for the right time to leave again aren’t you, that’s why you didn’t say anything because you took it back, right?” Within an instant your inherent anger turned to sadness at the thought of being left alone again. “Right, Bradshaw? Because who was I to think that you’d stick around—“

“No—“ Rooster had been in this position before where he’d been too much of a coward to speak. He wouldn’t let that happen again. And he wasn’t about to take it so personally this time when you were so quick to accuse him of leaving. Because he had done that, a million times over. “No, I'm not waiting for some miracle moment to come to leave you.”

“Bradley I—“ Finally getting close enough to pull you closer by your hips, the back of the legs against the couch.

“Hey, shut up.” Bradley pulled you down onto his lap as he sat on the couch. “I’m gonna tell you the truth and you're gonna listen and then we’re gonna go get these bagels before I starve to death alright?”

“Okay—“ Bradley was quick to wipe the tears away that fell from your cheeks as you straddled His waist. His hands cupping your cheeks as your forehand rest against his.

“The only reason, and I mean the only reason why I didn’t tell you I’d asked you to marry me was because I wanted to give you a chance to become yourself again before literally becoming someone else entirely.” It was the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Your heart grew so big as Bradley spoke. “I’ll marry you tomorrow if you’d have me Y/n but I wasn’t gonna do that to you when you’d just been on death's door. I mean I watched you learn to walk again, I just wanted you to find your way back without thinking about me, thinking about a wedding and all the really stupid and stressful things that come along with that.”

“So, where do we go from here? I mean--”

“I have absolutely no intention to ever leave you again, you're it for me—I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you of that if I have to.” On that note Rooster was as gentle as he could have been as he helped you off of him, jumping up as he ran down the hall, the small velvet ring box hidden at the back of his sock drawer. Jogging down and hall back to you before he got down on his knees before you.

“Oh Bradley—“ You sobbed. Covering your mouth as you laughed together. “Now!?”

“Waited my entire life to get this right, so—Y/n Chaos Kazansky, will you marry me?”

***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~***~

Tags: @lyannaredbird​ @luckyladycreator2​ @skagelynn​ @teacupdreams​ @the-winter-marvel33reblogs​ @mrsjaderogers​​ @katieshook02​​ @thescarletknight2014​​ @justanothermagicalsara​​ @4ngelicb4byy @percysaidnever​​ @puriini​​ @luckylexie​​ @is-this-a-febreze-commercial @shrimping-for-all @fayethefairy @lonelywitchv2​​ @mizzzpink​​ @unforgettwble​​ @callmemana​​ @lemoonandlestars​​ @mulletmcghee​​ @redqueeen99​​ @bucky-barmes​​ @mak-32​​ @fivsecondsflat​​ @loveless-simp​ @bradleysgirl @mintellaine​ @hannabritta​ @nemtodd-barnes1923​ @bradleysgirl @xoxabs88xox @baju69 @pansexualwitchwhoneedstherapy @shanimallina87 @abaker74

#bradley bradshaw x female reader #chaos // bradley bradshaw #bradley bradshaw angst #top gun bob #top gun hangman #top gun bradley bradshaw #top gun maverick imagine #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x y/n

[nerd-chocolate]

The Bourgeois Family’s and Zoé Lee’s colors symbolize, civilian and akuma analysis:

Okay, hear me out on this one! It will be real quick I promise. So let’s get started, shall we? Also sorry for not having more of a better introduction to this post, I’ll be better next time I promise.

The Akuma Designs:

After looking at all of the akuma designs that the bourgeois family and Zoé Lee had including their concept art, especially Sole Crusher’s first design, I concluded. They all share common colors. They are black and yellow, you could also say red as well since both Heart Hunter and Antibug share that color between them. But the only design that doesn’t have yellow and black is Sole Crusher’s concept art where she is all blue vs her final design and why I begin this up it all makes sense you see. You can see this with all the akuma designs in the show shown here.

Why Colors are so important:

You want to know why these mean something because it shows how connected they are and mainly means Chloé, André, and Audrey. I get to Zoé a bit but right now let’s focus on these three first.

Okay, Chloé’s first akuma which was Antibug had primarily red and black which doesn’t mean anything in season one since André didn’t akumatized in season one and Audrey didn’t even show up in that season but surprisingly red does come back in Malediktator and Heart Hunter’s designs (I’m not counting when scarlet moth akumatized them since every akuma was red in those episodes because Scarlet Moth himself by the way) so red does show up in two of Chloé’s akumas in season 4 it doesn’t have that big of an impact, unlike the blacks and yellows in their designs.

Because they all have yellow and black in them, Antibug’s all-black suit with the red polkas, Style Queens having the blacks on her weird hair thing and black edges on her suit, Malediktator having the black stripes on his shoulder pads Queen Wasp also having a all black-suit with yellow stripes since she just Queen Bee Akuma but her colors flipped, Queen Banana having black stripes on her design like hair, dress, weapon, mask, and shoes/legs, finally Penalteam having black jersey, black fingerless gloves, her having black on her boots, and her sunglasses having black shades. They all use black as an accent color well except Queen Wasp (and Miracle Queen but I didn’t mention her since she is the same design as Queen Wasp but has a crown and armor on her) but it is worth noting that they all have black and more importantly yellow on their designs especially after Style Queen started it in season and the other designs expect Heart Hunter, Sole Destroyer, and Mayor Chloé in season five (if anyone actually cares but I don’t) which is honestly kinda fits since black is symbolic for evil and power which makes sense for all these akumas, their motivations, and more importantly what the crew thinks of their character since the very beginning, they were also seen as bad by everyone in the show and the crew. They all made a person sad or mad enough to get akumatized even to each other most importantly Audrey, who caused Queen Bee to get akumatized and André (addition Chloé as well) to get akumatized in the same season and the Queen’s battle arc. But these characters’ akuma all want some sort of power or control over someone. Malediktator is self-explanatory I mean it’s in the name, Style Queen wanted to fire anyone that she thought was unexceptional or disrespectful to her in her opinion, and Chloé’s akumas always share this broad goal of power (wanting to be the only hero and prove to her mother, wanted to play a soccer in her way so she can win, want to change a movie because her sister is in it, and again wanted to prove that she a hero to her used to be idol, Ladybug) so yeah the black works knowing what black is symbolism most of the time. But now what does yellow have to do with this?

A whole lot and I’m not even gonna go in depth where the yellow is placed on all of these designs except the ones I mentioned that didn’t have the yellow so I just said what yellow is symbolic for. Yellow in a negative way is used for cowardice, impatience, betrayal, and egotism and that last one is fitting since the bourgeois family all have big egos even if they are not an akuma especially Audrey since she is never shown to be insecure about something on the screen where it noticeably unlike André and Chloé. Cowardice makes sense only for André and Chloé especially André, let’s face it the biggest coward in the whole show is next to Damocles and while Chloé can act brave, she can be cowardly especially if she is the one getting chased by an akuma which she caused which mostly happened in the first season but it never really went away. Betrayal is something I noticed when comes to these akuma’s actions, like Style Queen betray her daughter when Chloé was helping Ladybug, Malediktator did brainwash his wife to be more obey and later trying to do the same thing with Chloé in the same episode, and Chloé betrays Ladybug’s trust in Miracle Queen and turns on Sabrina when she presents during her akumas and didn’t care when she was Queen Banana and Sole Destroyer. But where they all share something in common is impatience. Their impatience where either wearing thin or just nonexistent most of the time, the most being Style Queen since she just fired anyone that didn’t do what she said immediately, Malediktator was wearing his thin when Chloé kept running away from him each time, and Chloé’s akuma kinda flipped flopped while some of akumas can have patience, they quickly become nonexistent when they get angry like Queen Banana and Antibug. So when they all lose patience it is when they’re losing to Ladybug and Chat Noir so patience becomes nonexistent when things don’t go their way especially Chloé’s. So yeah after breaking all of their designs down and how the blacks and yellow mean in their designs and characters where does Sole Crusher and her concept design stand? Well, I’m glad you asked since it leads to my next point.

Why Sole Crusher’s current one doesn’t work at all:

Okay I know I said “I don’t think Sole Crusher’s design in the show is that bad and it was her poorly-written personality that made the akuma bad” Well I lied since it was Zoé’s debut episode and I love Zoé since I have to admit she one of my comfort characters but doesn’t mean her akuma or debut get a free pass and both of them that made the akuma design pretty bad because aside the fact that it doesn’t feel like, look, or even hints to Zoé at all, it just cluttered mess. Sole Crusher has no reason to have horns on her back or shoes since they don’t even do or help the design whatsoever. She has way too many horns on her head, two or heck even four would be enough not fucking eight! The diamonds all over her don’t help at all, instead, they just make it look like a cluttered mess since she has diamonds on her forehead and the top of her eyebrows and don't even function as eyebrows since she still has them so what’s even the point? Because of this, her concept one looks so much cleaner and less cluttered than her canon one, there are some things I may not like but at least there isn’t as much as her canon character I found. And I know I sound dumb when saying this but the concept feels like Zoé to me than her current one ever did since it doesn’t feel like a Chloé or any of the Bourgeois family because of her color palette and I’ll explain that in the next paragraph. Overall I hate this design and this just makes me long for her concept even if it has its problems I have. It's just a cleaner design but that's beside the point and let’s talk about their color schemes, the concept art, and the canon one.

Sole Crusher’s color scheme in canon doesn’t make any sense since her personality didn’t fit what personality Sole Crusher was barely given. Since she isn’t cowardly, she never betrays anyone that we know of, she doesn’t have an ego, and most importantly she does have patience since she decided to wait for Ladybug and Chat Noir to get to the hotel rather than going after them immediately or throwing a tantrum. Which to me doesn’t fit with Sole Crusher’s or Zoé’s personality at all

since yellow was always portrayed as bad in this show since a few of our ‘good’ characters wore yellow in their actual designs you could say, I’m overthinking it but I’m not since I went to check and all the akuma class doesn’t wear yellow except Nino but he just wears a yellow bracelet. So why in the world put yellow on the girl if she isn’t even close to her family except for one member and it is the one that is a coward? And this is why I said light blue would work better for Sole Crusher’s design than yellow because it would show how she isn’t like them and is disconnected from them which isn’t a bad thing since let’s be honest who even wants to be related to the Bourgeois family. After all, I surely don’t. And light blue could work for her personality if she had any because she doesn’t have one that truly defines her. And yes I know maybe that was the point of her personality and writers probably thought that but I don’t think that executed well or not even at all and we’re giving these writers too much credit because these writers made Simpleman which is a dumb episode.

Anyway back to my point, Sole Crusher being all blue like her concept art would work better since it symbolizes how she isn’t a Bourgeois, and deep down she doesn’t want to be like any of them, she is a Lee, and knows it. Also light blue/blue color symbolizes unfriendliness, sadness, impersonal, passive, and emotionally unstable when it comes to personality, which does fit Malediktator and André and Chloé and her akumas pretty well I will admit but that would also fit with Sole Crusher since before getting akumatized Zoé was passive towards Chloé’s behavior and let her walk all over her and broke down into tears when she was alone and you could say Sole Crusher was trying to match Chloé’s unfriendliness and her lack of personality also helps but I don’t think that last one is a good idea for someone’s debut episode and Sole Crusher being impersonal could honestly work. There are not many examples for Sole Crusher where I could say for blue color works on her when it comes to personality when I try to think of one, unlike the Bourgeois family akumas I mentioned before since she doesn’t have one where is more defined like other akumas and that’s biggest problem with her akuma as a whole and that shouldn’t be fair to Zoé since this her only akuma she got ever since her debut episode. So why does she get the short end of the stick here? That isn’t fair even if that was to point to her personality, it just doesn’t work, I’m sorry it just doesn’t. But I should give these colors a more positive light since there are some positive meanings to these colors and which ones fit the Bourgeois Family and Zoé.

The Positive Meanings of Black, Yellow, and Blue:

I have been negative about these colors huh? Well, change that shall we? I can tell you now blue more positive meanings are a bit more fitting for Sole Crusher and Zoé.

Okay let’s start with the black meanings, black usually means elegance and sophistication which does fit with Audrey, André, and Chloé since they either are that way or they think they are that. But for Zoé those don’t fit her or Sole Crusher and since I forgot to mention this I feel someone will eventually do so might as well say it. Yes, Sole Crusher does black in her design but just like Queen Banana and Penalteam with their red eyes, it doesn’t matter and it is only on her eyelashes and pupils. But the black on Zoé’s leather jacket is worth mentioning and while elegant and sophisticated may not be that important to her rebellion which symbolizes honesty fits her since goes against Audrey’s and Chloé’s standards of being a Bourgeois. Another thing to note is that black is used to symbolize mystery which does fit Audrey and Zoé since no one knew who they were until meeting them in canon respectively in their debut episodes.

Okay the only thing yellow in a positive light when it comes to the Bourgeois family is probably happiness for Chloé since let’s be honest, she takes pleasure from bullying her peers and you said the same happens to Audrey and André when she is impressed by someone and him when he with his daughter or having his hotel be habitat by celebrities. But as for Zoé when it comes to yellow, it was harder for me when she can be happy with the people who truly care about her and friendship where she gets a lot of them (even though we see them on screen as much as I want) when she in Paris but even then yellow isn’t that fitting for her as much as the other Bourgeois family members. So sorry this isn’t a lot but I think the blue one would be interesting and heard me out on that one.

Blue symbolizes calm, reliability, patience, and bravery in a more positive light. And while Chloé does show some bravery when she becomes a superhero for a brief time during seasons 2-3 and André tries being calm and patient with his wife and daughter when they want something. They don’t show it as much and backtrack them more often than not, especially André since he is quick to panic and quick to make his wife and daughter happy even if someone suffers for it to make it happen as much as possible. And as for Chloé…. Well, she does have some bravery but I think that more of having a big ego and stupid writing in the later seasons (Yes I know that Audrey has blue eyes but so does the rest family and they are not as prominent as the others since she always wearing sunglasses in her appearances and while she does show calm and bravery, it reads more like she doesn’t give a shit about some situations most of the time, just wanted to mention that). But enough about them, these traits fit Zoé a lot more than the yellow did for her. Patience and calm are not only present in Zoé but in Sole Crusher as well since she decided to wait and get powerful before chasing after the heroes immediately and she looked pretty calm and sly when the heroes left to go to the hotel. Yeah, Zoé being associated with the color blue makes sense since she is a reliable friend when she shows up, is brave to stand up to her sister in Queen Banana (which I know isn’t much but still), she very patient when putting up with her family, and she has this calm demeanor in her character when she does show up. I know it doesn’t seem much to you but to me, it does even if I didn’t have that many examples of the things I was talking about and I still wanted to mention them.

My Personal Opinion/Conclusion:

In my opinion, Zoé should be associated with the color blue rather than yellow. I’m not saying get rid of the yellow entirely but make yellow a bit more of an accent color like Chloé having blue eyes and blue eyeshadow or André having the blue striped on his sash. Just make the yellow on Zoé’s design an accent rather than her main color heck just change the color of her pants to blue then just have her shoes have the yellow on them already. And I know what you guys going to say but shouldn’t she try to look connected to her family in some way while might be right about that, I say that her being disconnected from her family makes sense since she isn’t like them like I said before she is a Lee not a Bourgeois and that fine. Getting rid of the yellow entirely doesn’t make sense, making it her main color doesn’t either since yellow has been portrayed as a bad thing in this show rather than a good thing and she doesn’t fit in the yellow symbolism I mentioned.

Overall, the crew just didn’t care about Zoé and just wanted to create a replacement for Chloé so the fandom could stop complaining about her failed and probably nonexistent redemption arc but decided to be lazy and just rush Zoé out. This causes discourse in the fandom with some Chloé fans (the toxic ones not all of them but some) hating on Zoé even though it is not her fault for being this way it was the miraculous crew’s fault for this, not the character. This also caused a lot of potential not only with Zoé but with Chloé as well. And I don’t even like Chloé as much as other fans but even I think we missed an interesting dynamic with the two in multiple ways. So that is what I’m planning to do in my rewrite of Sole Crusher so maybe I can give Zoé some justice because she deserves better than what she gave from not only the crew but also some of the fandom (not salting anyone that doesn’t use Zoé, you do you my guy and I get it, just feel like people just kinda give up on Zoé and just uses her for Chloé’s development which can be frustrating to me). Please don’t take that to heart and I just want to let you know my opinion at the end of the day. So I hope you enjoy this post and are having a lovely day or night when you're reading or seeing this post, bye!!

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #zoé lee #chloé bourgeois #andre bourgeois #audrey bourgeois #akuma design #akuma #zoe lee #chloe bourgeois #miraculous salt #ml fandom salt (just a bit)

[grimgrazia]

Doors and Denji:

Doors are a common motif in CSM and hold many meanings. They act as a gateway to Hell, a metaphor for repressing trauma, and a symbol of the unknown. I believe they have some other meanings as well, but I’ll touch on those later. This is just the beginning of my analysis for now, and it focuses on Denji’s dream. This isn’t really an analysis on Denji’s character, I plan to do one for him later on. Also let me know if there are other parts of CSM I should analyze. I make plans for an analysis and then school gets in the way so I’ll forget about whatever I wanted to do.

The door in Denji’s dream is one of the most notable parts of the series. Behind the door are suppressed memories from Denji’s traumatic childhood. Each time he has this dream, a voice tells him not to open the door, and he doesn’t. I think it’s important to note that Denji shut those memories away himself. Denji doesn’t need permission to open that door because it’s his door. That being said, suppressing memories is a common response to trauma, so Denji is never aware of the fact he can choose to confront his past or not, because he forced himself to forget. After the Darkness Devil arc, Denji decides he is better off not opening the door, and he’s learned that knowledge isn’t always a great thing.

The door isn’t just locking trauma away, it’s also a symbol for the unknown. There is no foreshadowing or hints as to what could be behind that door in the manga, all we know is that it’s probably not good. We find out at the same time Denji does, when Makima forces that door open. Why would Denji want to open a door that most likely has something bad behind it? Why would anyone want to do that? Even in real life, no one can be 100% sure of what is behind a door (unless it’s transparent but that doesn’t apply here.) It’s kind of like putting a cat in a box and leaving it there for a long time. The cat could be dead, alive, or missing but it’s uncertain until you open the box again. Does the cat even exist still if you can’t see it anymore? (Plz tell someone knows this story I’m talking about). The closed door, like the unknown, leaves room for POSSIBILITY. Denji can’t know for certain what is behind that door until he opens it and sees for himself. To Denji, Aki might not be a fiend until he opens the door, just like the cat might not be dead until you open the box, if that makes sense.

Also, this room for possibility can make finding out the truth even more harmful. In Oedipus Rex, Oedipus was so sure of himself and his life. To be fair, he had no reason to believe that he was unsuccessful in avoiding his fate. His entire life was a lie. Denji remembers his father’s death as a suicide, instead of killing him in self defense. Like Oedipus, Denji had come to terms with a lie. Accepted it and moved on. It only makes sense for Oedipus and Denji to react with pure horror when learning or remembering years later. For so long, they believed they knew what happened. They were sure, so there was no need to think about it anymore. Everything in their lives were not as they appear, both Oedipus’ skepticism and Denji’s tendency to trust easily did more harm than good because of it. Neither of them did anything wrong, they simply responded to their respective situations. Responding to the circumstances is really the only control anyone truly has.

Unlike Oedipus, Denji is okay with not knowing what is behind that door. Denji can accept that he does not know everything, doesn’t need to know everything, and never will know everything. It’s impossible and attempting to do so can cause more trouble than it’s worth, like in Oedipus’ case. Learning about something that happened in the past won’t change anything, what’s done is done.

Denji’s decision to not open it can be interpreted in a few ways. You could see it as healthy and as Denji moving forward. He has a great bond with Aki and Power, he’s content with his life, why jeopardize it? Even so, this could also be seen as Denji avoiding the door. The door would have opened eventually, it was inevitable. The question was if Denji would do it himself. Denji wasn’t ready to open it yet. It’d be healthy if Denji confronts his trauma on his own terms, but that’s not what happens. Makima forces that door open on purpose. She’s well aware Denji isn’t ready, so she sees this as the perfect opportunity to ensure he can’t bounce back. That he can never live a normal life, thus breaking his contract with Pochita. Confronting trauma and healing from it is a slow process, but people can still move forward and live normal lives. However, it becomes extremely difficult when you’re overwhelmed by all of it in the matter of seconds.

Even though Denji CHOSE not not open the door after the Darkness Devil Arc, it opens anyways later on. The door was always going to open, it’s something Denji never would have been able to avoid. What he can do, is control how he reacts to it, but he doesn’t realize this immediately. Makima is counting on the fact that after what happened to Aki and Power, on top of forcing the door open, Denji won’t be able to move forward. If she is confident in Denji’s reaction, she has control. She orchestrated everything so she could be certain that Denji will be totally hopeless, and never live normally. She understands it’s difficult to control how people respond to things, especially when someone has lived a life like Denji’s.

“Time eases all things,” is a famous line from Oedipus Rex. By this, Creon means that over time, people move on or at least find ways to cope so that they can go about their daily lives. Makima realizes that after Himeno’s death, Denji does not get attached nor is he fazed easily. I think this is when she realizes she can’t just throw him into horrific situations, but must build his ideal life, let him be happy, and then rip it all away. The deaths of Aki and Power being so close to one another was crucial to this too, because Makima didn’t want to give Denji time to process what happened, or “ease the wounds.”

Makima becoming a mother figure for Denji contributed a lot as well. Fujimoto stated in an interview that their relationship is based off abuse from documentaries he watched. Unhealthy family dynamics cause conflicting feelings, especially if they are all you have. If Kishibe did not get to Denji in time, Makima’s plan definitely would have worked. Makima made Denji believe that he had no where else to go, he had no choice but to die. It’s in the safe room with Kishibe and Kobeni that Denji realizes he has not reached a dead end, or rather, reaching a dead end on one path doesn’t mean the same will happen on another path. He does what the mouse in Kafka’s “A Little Fable” couldn’t do: change his direction.

I hope this makes sense, I feel like I got off topic. Anyways, this doesn’t even scratch the surface of CSM, but this is all I have energy for right now sorry.

Also, I posted this on my tik tok too but it kept getting taken down. My TT is grimmjowstoenail for anyone who cares 🤷🏻‍♀️

#chainsaw man #makima #denji #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #csm analysis #gojo satoru #writing #anime and manga

[traumasurvivors]

This is an article I wrote on my site! But if you want to read it on Tumblr, you can access it after the short excerpt and below the read more.

"When it comes to trauma, it is not uncommon for a lot of survivors to experience what is known as trauma imposter syndrome. This is when a survivor invalidates themselves by saying something like “my trauma isn’t so bad, other people have it worse than me.”"

There are a few reasons why this occurs, including but not limited to:

Avoiding Feelings About the Trauma

If a survivor believes that someone else has it worse than them, this may allow them to deny their feelings about what they went through. It may also allow them to focus on someone else’s pain instead of their own. Denial is something that a lot of survivors experience because trying to deal with the feelings of trauma may be overwhelming, terrifying and overall hard to cope with.

Survivors may also cope by trying to be thankful it wasn’t worse. Thinking that they were “lucky” on some level may help them to see the situation in a different light, or it may make it easier to bury the feelings they aren’t ready to feel. Trying to frame their trauma in a positive light may make it easier for them to deal with.

(For a lot of survivors, this is a step in the healing process. Everyone heals differently. If a survivor is using trauma imposter syndrome to cope, it is not up to anyone (except perhaps a therapist they are working with) to try and tell a survivor how they should be reacting to their trauma.)

Avoiding Seeing Their Abuser in a Bad Light

If a survivor loves the person that caused the trauma, it may allow them to rationalize that person “not being that bad”. Having an abuser who you care about can be complicated and confusing. This does not mean they have not done something wrong. And it definitely does not mean you can’t love someone while still being hurt by them and holding them responsible for their actions.

Conditioning

A survivor may believe their trauma isn’t valid because of things they have heard from their abuser or others (even people trying to genuinely be helpful). They may be pressured and conditioned to believe their feelings about the experience are wrong and they are not entitled to those feelings. They may be told that it should only be for people who went through “real” trauma. They may be pushed by other people to “look on the bright side” and otherwise minimize what they went through. This type of conditioning can make it harder for a survivor to accept their trauma and heal from it.

Trauma imposter syndrome can cause issues outside of invalidating a survivor. One of these issues being that just because a survivor is saying their trauma “wasn’t that bad,” it doesn’t mean that they will still not experience symptoms related to their trauma. This could mean that they think something is “wrong with them” and they may seek out the wrong type of treatment to handle the symptoms or even no treatment at all.

It’s important to note that there is no magic scale that trauma falls on. What makes trauma traumatizing is not the “severity” of the event but the emotions that we experience as a result of it. A traumatic event is one that causes harm, whether that be physical, mental, emotional, spiritual or any other kind of harm. Two people can go through very similar traumas and react in very different ways (or not react at all), and each of their responses are valid. One of the things that makes trauma so complex to talk about is that there are no universal responses to trauma - every person’s reaction is different.

When it comes to trying to find the validity in your trauma and challenging trauma imposter syndrome, I recommend trying to imagine your trauma happening to someone else. If they told you about it, it seems unlikely that you would say, “Oh, that doesn’t sound like a big deal,” or, “Well, other people have it worse, so you shouldn’t feel so bad.”

To use a similar example: Let’s say you have your house robbed, and a week beforehand, a friend of yours had their house burn to the ground. It would be normal and reasonable to think, “Well, at least I didn’t lose as much as they did.” It is also still reasonable to feel upset that you were robbed.

Someone else’s experiences do not negate nor invalidate your own. You can acknowledge other people’s experiences while still remembering that what happened to you should not have happened to you, and your feelings about it are still valid.

Your trauma is valid.

#my blog posts #trauma imposter syndrome

[sturniolojpg]

— boyfriend! matt sturniolo

pairing: matt sturniolo × reader

warnings: sfw & nsfw!! i put a divider for ya

notes: first time doing a headcannon i normally write oneshots so sorry if its like?? all over the place?? not proof read

��︎. when he needs someone to talk to, you’re there & vise versa. being so close with his brothers he’s learnt the importance of communicating and it’s become a super important thing to him. he’d rather admit he’s wrong or have you admit you’re wrong than go to bed upset with each other. he hates leaving fights unresolved.

♥︎. he holds your hand in public all the time. he’s gotta be touching some part of you. whether its locking pinkies or standing right up on each other. he just loves you tewww much to be not touching you when its an option! if nobody’s around he’ll throw in an ass grab here and there but never if people are there, he’s not a fan of that kind of pda

♥︎. passenger princess ALWAYS. which annoys you at times because you do like driving but if he’s with you, he wants to take over. he likes doing stuff for you and you let him bc look at his face!!!

♥︎. you constantly catch him starring at your face. when i say this man is OBSESSED with you, i mean it. you’re his favorite person ever. most important too (according to him after a late night conversation).

“mmm before your brothers?” you teased him after the admission. obviously, you were joking. that wasn’t something you excepted or cared about. what followed was the opposite of what you thought. “that’s right princess, you're before them. never tell them that i said that."

“fucking liar,” you chuckled. he joined in the laughter, placing a soft kiss on your nose.

♥︎. quality time is his favorite. he loves to be with you, doesn’t matter if you’re doing something or not. all he cares about is that he’s with you!

he hates baking because he’s bad at it but you love it and can actually make something edible so he bakes with you all the time.

you’re also pretty good with nail art so instead of going to a professional he lets you do his, extra time to just sit and stare at your pretty face!

when he’s playing video games you’ll spend that time reading your books (a hobby he can’t quite grasp but you love it so he loves it for you) - or you’ll join him if it’s a game you know how to play. you both just like being around the other.

♥︎. dating a public figure has its faults and the biggest one for you was a portion of his fans hating you. it felt like he wasn’t allowed to fully be your boyfriend because of some weird parasocial relationship others had with him. (me fr bc thats my man idc!!!😅) he comforts you with this 24/7 though & shows you in more ways than one that he is fully yours and you’re fully his.

♥︎. your laugh is the best medicine for him. he could anxious, sad, mad, etc, and with just the mere sound of your laughter he’ll be okay again. it’s his favorite song in the soundtrack of his life. he’d listen to it all day everyday. he tries to get you to laugh 24/7 & it works because you’re down bad, you think everything he does is hilarious, intentionally or not.

♥︎. you do little try on hauls for him when you go thrifting and always give him a runway show. he loves it, you’re the most adorable girl in the world in his eyes. he loves how comfortable you are with him and that you feel okay doing things considered to be “childish” with him.

♥︎. dirty jokes never go over his head and you love it. it could be the most niche thing in the world and they’ll always land with his slutty minded ass.

♥︎. he’s a silent jealously type, if a guys flirting with you he’ll stay quiet and just get more possessive via pda. he’s confrontational when he needs to be but doesn’t want to cause a scene over what he knows deep down is nothing. he knows it’s a price to pay when you’re with a FINEEEE ass bitch.

♥︎. when you’re back home though? the man is not hesitate to start an argument with you but it ends just as fast as it started, you both can’t be mad at each other for longer than 10 minutes. he’ll also give you make up kisses allll over your face.

HORNY BELOWWW, i’m not your parent but rwc

♥︎. or makeup sex. makeup sex is always an option. it’s actually your favorite way for him to apologize & his, you. you love the mans body! god forbid! it’s like all thoughts just leave your brain when you see him naked, he could get away with anything because you’re forever a ditzy girl around him unclothed.

♥︎. bro LIVES for when you ride him. he loves titties so being able to fuck you AND have your tits bounce in his face? closest thing to heaven.

♥︎. car sex 80% of the time. you both love the thrill of possibly getting caught but still maintaining a sense of privacy. plus it’s the only time you can be as loud as you want to. (he feels a lil bad afterwards though and makes sure to clean all the seats before his brothers get in)

♥︎. he’s a sucker for you in lingerie. he buys you some online all the time to surprise you. he loves when you give him a try on haul. it typically ends with him fucking you raw!! 🤗

♥︎. he hates when you get insecure. like HATES. he thinks you’re the most perfect person to exist and will not hesitate to overstim you so you can see just how much he practically worships you.

♥︎. speaking of overstim…. one night he’d gone so far that you squirted for the first time. since then he’d do absolutely anything to get you to do it. he finds it so hot and it’s such an ego boost that you did it for the first time with him. his new favorite thing about sex became when you soak his face.

♥︎. this!! man!! loves!! giving!! head!! your pleasure is his pleasure. he does it so well and makes you feel too good, you couldn’t possibly tell him no when he asks to eat you out at the most irregular times. he knows his way around your body and its the best thing in the world for both of you.

♥︎. morning sex is just…. like a staple of your relationship. it could be soft or rough, depends on how you both feel and just how far into it y’all get. it happens almost every morning. he’s always down for it and you’re always horny! (how could you not be when you sleep next to him?!)

♥︎. he is SO good with subtly turning you on. he knows exactly what you like and exactly what he’s doing when he does certain movements and gestures with his hands. he’ll post certain photos well aware of how insane you get with certain poses. he’s arguably more of a whore than you are and that’s saying… a lot. 😛😛

♥︎. turning him on is pretty easy, especially because of how much he loves everything about you. the sheer sight of you gives him a boner. you in a tight dress that hugs all the right curves?? practically nutting in his pants

#matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #matt sturniolo headcanon #matt sturniolo oneshot #matt sturniolo imagine #sturniolo x reader

[rkdhsdl]

Hello!! how have you been?? I absolutely love your page! i’m hoping you’ve been doing good!! I was wondering.. could u do an angst daniel page x female reader ff? something with ignoring .. but he doesn’t mean it of course!! he’s just engulfed with.. important things. *wink wink something abt the third year and us telling him to not follow a certain something ifykwim*

disregard of an individual

word count: 814 female reader character: daniel page TW/CW: spoilers for the third year story + angst writer's notes: i just speedran the whole third year story lmao, i’m guessing its the plan or its the 7th year guy or both, so ill go will the latter. this can be interpreted as platonic or romantic, but since they’re still third years, it’s centered around a platonic theme. enjoy!

coming into your third year of hogwarts was not the most peaceful, which wasn’t very surprising.

but you were surprised with how you and daniel’s friendship started out in the third year.

taking a slight shock from his words that were, “i thought i saw someone following me earlier”, you were worried for him, which led you and ivy to go along with him for his safety. it all started from the hogsmeade incident, the mysterious letter from notme, soon followed by crane’s so called ‘investigation’. then cassandra had started on daniel’s family and the situation, causing daniel to be sent to detention.

everything was seeming to go downhill the more you progressed on with the year. 

but you couldn’t tell when his focus was turned to both notme, gridley and evers. though you and ivy– especially you– tried to convince him that it was dangerous to go through a plan by himself, and it would’ve been much more reliable and safer to talk to one of the professors, he had ignored you and ivy’s suggestions.

soon, you weren’t able to find daniel as much anymore. sometimes you wondered if he was starting to become someone you didn’t know anymore, and you were becoming more jittery as the days passed.

“i honestly wonder if daniel’s faring himself well with that plan of his…” you say, closing your book as you face ivy on the common room’s couch.

the girl sighs as she nods, adding on, “really, i have no clue how he thinks he can do it, but he’s too stubborn.”

you sigh in agreement as you slump down on the couch, head laying on the armrest of the furniture.

you felt bleak. sure, ivy was also your close friend, but daniel was someone you confided in the most– he was like your forever friend and someone that you could believe.

but it felt as if he had completely changed. his words weren’t able to leave your mind.

“i don't care if i'm good or bad. i want to be strong, powerful… i want to win, whatever it takes.”

was this the daniel you knew and befriended from the first year?

you stand up from the couch as you grab your book.

“i don’t feel well right now, i’ll go to my dorm to rest.”

ivy looks at you in worry, but as she sees your expression– an expression she has never seen before, as your face pleaded to be alone– she decided to leave it alone as she nodded.

making your way to your dorm, you slam onto your bed as you start to let out tears that you didn’t know you were holding in.

you just wished that he’d come back to the daniel that you knew. but you felt as if that was too selfish. on the otherhand, you couldn’t help but feel selfish.

you have never felt so much hatred and longing for someone in your life.

you wished that he could’ve just listened to you. but he didn’t and left with his plan.

he was your friend– a very close friend. but was it still applicable when most of the year had centered around him following his plan? the seldom times you and ivy met with him, you continued claiming that you’d support him no matter what as his friend, but inside,

you couldn’t help but feel further and further away from him.

and you knew that if this continued, soon enough your friendship with daniel would barely exist, having to start over again, just like a mistake made in the start of a knitting process, causing the yarn to be unravelled from the start to retry.

just like how yarn would be more used, your friendship wouldn’t be the same, alike to how a re-knitted project would look like.

but when it seemed to come to an end you were already more closer with the white haired girl, and the girl had asked if he would be back to his old self.

with his answer given, you feel relieved, but also felt disheartened when he announced that he didn’t want to ‘not change’.

it also seemed that daniel knew how his and your friendship had started to thin, noticing the different attitude you exuded, how your replies were more short, how you seemed to be more comfortable with ivy instead of him.

daniel felt that ivy’s current place should’ve been him instead of her, but he accepts that he was neglectful, causing changes to be made, just like himself.

though both your friendship could be retained in the next year, you knew that it wouldn’t be the same anymore.

daniel knew. and he felt the pain in the middle of his ribcage, knowing that he couldn’t undo what he had done to his friendship with you, even with magic.

maybe, just maybe, he should’ve listened to you instead.

#hpma x reader #hpma #daniel page x reader #daniel page