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the-green-maiden · 3 years

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Supernatural Fair Fight Livestream Recap with timestamps

(based off of the notes I took while watching live. any errors are mine and not the fault of the cast or abrams)

21:01 Panel Starts. Misha introduces panel- Stacey Abrams, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padelecki, Erik Kripke, Berto the ASL interpreter.

21:02 Stacey Abrams talks about how she got into SPN. Talks about running for governor(?) in California(?), having trouble gathering support/campaign funds. On a particularly bad day, ends up watching SPN in her hotel room. Loves it, ends up watching the whole show after this. Quotes “Even if it’s hard we can’t stop” and “who else is going to do this” and talks about keeping going.

21:05 Kripke: “Wow”

Ackles: “That’s one of the most beautiful interpretations of what we do, how we tell the story.”

21:06 Kripke: “Grateful we could provide inspiration”

21:07 JarPad: *reiterates above* joke about how “Kripke’s writing is questionable at best.”

21:08 Misha: “The reason we tell stories is to inspire people” creates an allegory about the ‘invisible enemy’ of voter suppression with the invisible enemy trope common in storytelling. “As we made the show, we were taking inspiration from [Abrams]”

21:09 Kripke asks Abrams to tell more about Fair Fight

21:09 Abrams talks about a secretary of state(?) [whose name I didn’t catch but who JPad refers to as ‘Lucifer”] who was in charge of voter registries in Georgia who wrongfully removed thousands of voters from lists, closed essential polling locations, and prevented people from voting, which disproportionately impacted POC and youth voters, and led to 8+ hour wait times in remaining locations. Abrams tells of how her and FF acted to fix this and change the whole system for the better. “If this becomes about politicians, no one is going to care, but when it becomes about people’s [list of basic rights and essential services]...” “...Patriotic belief that democracy means that if you’re eligible to vote, you get to be heard. Fair Fight is committed to ensuring that every voter in the US has the right to vote, and we are pretty good at it.”

21:16 Misha voices concerns about Trump’s attempts to make the 2020 vote counts seem unreliable.

21:17 Abrams gives an in-depth history of voter suppression in the US, committed by both parties at various times, including restrictions on mail-in votes, ID laws, and something about the voting rights act.

21:18 A bunch more panelists join in, including Jake Abel, Felicia Day, and a number of other SPN cast members.

21:19 Abrams says that in Texas a gun license is a valid id to vote, but a college id is not. “Everyone should get to participate, not just the chosen.” Mentions that she has not seen the final 3 episodes yet, request no spoilers until she logs out.

21:22 Kripke thanks Abrams for her political work.

21:22 Felicia Day says she was very excited to meet Abrams at Dragon Con.

21:33 Misha and Kripke try to move panel along to comply with Abrams limited time availability.

21:24 Rachel Miner “We all admire you [Abrams], you’re our hero.”

21:25 JPad gives a long speech thanking Abrams that was too fast to write down verbatim. “It’s important that everyone have their own voice” says it’s an honor to meet Abrams.

21:26 Bob Singer asks a question about Purdue(?) not showing up to a debate.

21:27 Abrams gives a detailed answer about swing states, swing voters, the lack of swing voters in Georgia, and the relatively small impact that Purdue(?) missing a debate would have on his numbers. Long speech about mail-in voting.

21:29 Sebastian Roche asks a question about run-off votes. Abrams answers.

21:30 Rachel Miner asks a question about voter registration descrimination against people w foreign names.

21:31 Abrams talks about how this has happened and what Fair Fight is doing to combat it, and how Fair Fight’s legal actions have managed to significantly reduce the amount of mail-in ballots thrown out for having difficult to understand names on them.

21:33 Shoshanna Stern thanks Abrams for her efforts in making voting more disability accessible.

21:34 Abrams answers, gives more info on the subject and the importance of having accessible voting locations.

21:36 Jim Beaver says it’s wonderful to be able to talk to Abrams, etc.

21:37 Abrams realizes her time has just about run out, and says thank yous and good byes. Mentions that tomorrow is her birthday. Multiple members of the cast wish her a happy birthday. More goodbyes from everyone, and thank yous to and from Abrams. Abrams exits call.

21:39 Kripke and Misha encourage people to donate to FF

21:41 Misha and Jensen rib each other, joke about an open bar.

21:41 Misha “Now we’re just going to waste your time for half an hour now that she’s gone”

21:42 Curtis Armstrong tells a short story about his mother, who was a voter activist in Detroit and Switzerland, and how nice it was to see Abrams talk.

21:43 Trivia intro. Multiple jokes made at the same time about state capitals.

21:44 Jim Beaver “When my kid was 7, I asked her the capital of Vermont and she said V”

21:44 Kripke asks semi-serious question about what JPad wore as protection in the ball-crusher Japanese game show scene in Changing Channels.

21:45 JPad “A thimble. A mini-thimble. No, a cup.” says something else about the cup.

21:46 Ackles “Our special effects team likes to go above and beyond”

21:46 JPad comments about real fear in that scene

21:46 Misha tries to get trivia back on track. “Without powers, what does Dean say Cas is?”

------[Baby in a trenchcoat]

“Other name of the Impala?”

Julie McNiven guesses “A special place”. Someone calls out “baby”

-----[Metallicar]

“Name of Sam and Jess’s friend who goes with them to the bar in the pilot?”

Even JPad, who was in the scene, does not know. Kripke comments that it was named after an irl friend of his from Tiuanna, named LUIS.

“5 works Kripke ripped off for SPN?”

Everyone guessing at once, including: Animal House, On The Road, Good Omens, Constantine, Star Wars, and several others.

“What herpes medication does Sam have to do a commercial for?”

[Herpexia]

21:52 JPad and Julie rib each other about herpes meds, and argue whether the term is prescription or subscription for medication. One of them brings up the example of having a subscription to dog food.

21:52 Jake Abel “What if your dog has herpes?”

Misha “I only hope that Stacey Abrams has tuned in”

Seb makes another joke about state capitals, then asks JPad the capital of Albania.

Jared has no idea, guesses ‘new albania’

Seb “Tirana” talks about having lived on a boat, presumably near Albania.

Rob Benedict: “Thanks for tuning in”

Bob Singer asks who knows the story of Seb getting a massage at VAncouver airport.

Jared (paraphrased) “We all fly through Vancouver airport a lot. Just past security there’s a massage place [with the chairs where you face the floor].” One day JPad and Ackles went through security and saw Seb getting a massage. They go over, convince the masseuse [who knows them all at this point] to let JPad take over. Seb does not notice, despite the fact that the masseuse is a small woman and JPad is holding his hands weird to try to make them smaller. JPad says he put his hands down Seb’s back and up his shirt, and Seb still did not notice, just making a noise and saying ‘very nice’. JPad gets as far as groping Seb’s ass before Seb notices anything is up. This is still the middle of a busy airport.

21:58 Seb “It was strangely sensual. Thank you, Robert, for bringing that up.” “I was perturbed for the whole flight back.”

Ackles “Another highbrow story”

Seb “It’s really fun being on that set. It really is” Claims they are also serious sometimes, to which there is laughter in response.

Ackles “It going to be like that on The Boys, Krip?”

Kripke “No massages to completion”

Seb “Wait there was no completion”

Krip “Saw photos of [Ackles’s] supersuit today”

Multiple jokes from several people about Ackle costume for The Boys being assless, crotchless, entirely made of paint, and cowboy-themed.

22:01 Misha “time for about 5 minutes of outtakes”

Someone jokes about adding ‘give Seb a massage’ as a donation tier.

Misha thanks the fans, says he loves and misses all the cast. Asks Rob B to sing.

22:02 Rob B “tune into my radio show” [for singing]

22:03 Misha announced that $225,000 has been raised for charity so far in the stream.

More thank yous from everyone to everyone, including the zoom team.

22:04 Seb “Vote out Mitch McConnel:

Jensen “Such as British accent to tell us who to vote for”

Seb “I’m half French half Scottish”

Jensen and Seb joke about scottish and french alcohols, and how they can’t be mixed.

22:05 Kripke thanks the fans for 15 years. Everyone else joins in on thanking fans for 15 years.

Jake Abel “There was a big gap in there for me somewhere”

Seb asks if Jake was in the first season.

22:06 Jake “3rd, 5, and 15”

Seb gives long thank you speech.

Jensen talks about how the cast is sticking together “This group is not being dispersed”...”I take comfort in knowing this” jokes that they’re stuck together whether they like it or not.

Misha “Like herpes”

Felicia “Genital or otherwise”

22:07 gag reel begins, including Misha’s ‘on-camera finger, Jensen falling off a chair “furniture could use some work”, Jensen failing to pick a lock for a very long time and Jared asking ‘Cas” to open it, Jensen saying ‘hail misha’ instead of ‘hail mary’, Misha failing to keep a straight face while looking at Alex Calvert, Jensen eating something too hot(?), and more that someone has probably already uploaded in full anyway.

21:13 stream ends.

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suncaptor · 3 years

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s7 adoration

First off, one thing I love about it is the versatility of it. some of my favourite parts are the humour of it, and the balance to the horror of it. It does lean towards dark, and is certainly darker than the rest of the show, but that just makes the gravity of it all lift off so intense when there’s randomly then dick jokes and so forth. same goes for the characters in it with the themes.

I genuinely think that leviathans are one of the scariest and best villains on the show because of the reflection of psychological horror and the flip on the script of hunted/hunter.

That being said, I also think Dick Roman is a great villain for comedic reasons as well and genuinely find his dialogue memorable. So memorable, in fact, I made this uquiz.

I also think that it is the darkest season psychologically in supernatural, like it rings out nadir to me, yet at the same time, this is all canon dialogue. but also it is quite unseen, the depth of it, which is infuriating (and my main fix would it being from Sam’s perspective), but it makes it compelling to me too.

I actually really like having sodium borate being corrosive to leviathans

There’s a canonical bipolar main character who’s vital to the plot and who’s talented and who’s also part of the inner themed reflections of paranoia within without systems and being incapable of trust anything even your brain while still retaining that vitality.

The season starts out with perhaps one of my favourite arcs in the show, as well, which brings me great joy in all the dialogue while also introducing one of the other most compelling parts of the show (being godstiel then Sam’s PTSD hallucinations retrospectively).

Two of the three main writer’s I look to as the core of what I love about Supernatural are perhaps the strongest voices in the season (Sera Gamble and Ben Edlund) and I really actually love the addition of Robbie Thompson and think some of his episodes are top tier. I don’t like Adam Glass, Buckleming, or Robert Singer writing any of the episodes, and my fix to s7 would be deleting those episodes, and Dabb is on like, thin ice, but I do really like most of the writing and theming and all and am genuinely enjoying the individual episodes and think that tied with 2, 4, and 5 it’s got the best quality for being entertaining to me.

And when I was looking at favourite episodes in Kripke/Gamble era (which I generally vastly prefer), it had the most of top 30 (8), and 20% of the top 10. And of that, it would skew towards the top total.

While Hello Cruel World sets up the season’s intent extremely well, I think that Defending Your Life drives the points home about how this reflects onto Sam and Dean in regards of their own psychological issues and how it will then impact their actions, the conflict not at all then revolving around leviathans but the concept of monstrosity and mental illness. While the season is incredibly ableist constantly and with some writers it’s clear that it’s intentional and the characters and they treat Sam with respect, other times it’s clearly not. I still am obsessed with this because it is directly and not metaphorically addressing these issues even if poorly.

Slash Fiction has some of the most in character and pointed analysis in the show immediately, including this scene and actually references and uses the history of the characters and the show itself to be more horrifying.

How To Win Friends and Influence Monsters is just also the epitome of s7 in general, from Sam hallucinating Lucifer and saying he’s lucky and people have it worse, Dean at his nihilistic worst about to lose Bobby admit while high on a sandwich what it’s really about, the fact they didn’t ever want to shoot deer, and just iconic dialogue from everyone including our favourite Dick Roman and “bibbing” while also having Bobby see the plans building the tension of the overall arc in the season right before being shot.

And while Death’s Door is very painful for me to rewatch, it is also an astounding episode of television from the terror of going back to the origin “You can never go home” and the only genetic case of bullet to the head (generational trauma), the insight into the abuse, how it shaped all the memories proceeding it, how Bobby didn’t escape it or what it did to him, but he also never was anything like his deepest fears or his fathers, and also Bobby’s speech towards his father. I also think the way Sam and Dean respond is extremely well written and their grief is palpable.

We also then get these lovely random images I get to share here :) X, X, and X.

Repo Man I may have some criticisms about in terms of ableism and homophobia, but it is still one of the best, and most horrifying, episodes in the show. Both the mirrors and the revelations throughout the episode and the dark intoxicating obsession while also seeing Sam’s actual trauma in front of us… I feel like I could literally analyse this episode for years, it’s so rich and deep, as much of Edlund’s episodes are when he decides he wants to make something deep instead of comical.

that being said I think The Born Again Identity may be one of the best episodes in the entire show. I can’t rationalise this because it would take hours if you don’t like this episode we just have entirely different taste.

Though, outside of the actual episode writing, the way it opens with the surreality and mental deterioration is very important to me, and it’s just one of many aspects of this episode, but I feel like it may be less popular so I thought I’d say it.

Charlie’s first episode and actually having our first actually good fully fleshed out lgbt character genuinely changes something in me when I watch it like. It is so full of hope for me personally just because of how fun and deep it remains. We get to hear Dick Roman describe the spark in humanity he can’t replicate while also saying “Nothing’s safe. I like that.” (the thesis of the season). Donald Trump helped him get the leviathan tablet. We get the scene where Dean coaches Charlie through flirting with a man and also have her make Harry Potter references which I just personally find very funny to watch. And Charlie’s mere existence just makes me hope, like the way she is.

Season 7 is the first season Cas tells Sam and Dean he loves them.

And Kevin Tran is introduced, one of my favourite characters who also adds much to the season itself.

Reading is Fundamental is the episode that Kevin Tran is introduced, that we get to see more into Cas’s past through the ways in which is he more open in his altered mental state such as how he loved Neanderthal poetry and bees, Hester’s accusation towards Dean, more talk around the hell trauma transfer which intrigues me even if it also infuriates me, and Cas actually faces and reacting to what he’s done, even if in an altered state. There are countless reasons I love it.

Also, this may not be something someone who doesn’t ship destiel can see and leans much more subtextual, so ignore this part if you are bothered by those interpretations, but I think season 7 is when Dean realised he was in love with Cas and like I do have a lot of reasons for thinking this and find it just another layer of why seeing the psychology of the main characters is intriguing to me. I also then can do parallels throughout that reflect this grapping too. And it adds layers to how Dean finds him married then, maybe even add the demon he kissed.

And then, of course, is the matter of the trench coat.

this is very very limited, but I tried my best to be comprehensive of my highlights and reasons for loving season 7!

#s7 #spn #supernatural #incoherents #lists

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writings-of-a-british-fangirl · 3 years

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FEBRUARY WRITING PROMPTS

all credit to @nosebleedclub for all the prompts; here is the original post!!

here is the master list for the writing prompts; as the month goes on i’ll be updating the drabbles here

FEBRUARY WRITING PROMPTS MASTERLIST-

1. Black coffee Bucky Barnes x Reader; Bucky is your roommate, and finds you in the kitchen at 6am. You both need black coffee.

2. Abandoned terrace Sirius Black x Reader; Sirius returns to you after what feels like a life time. It doesn’t matter where you are a magical castle or an abandoned terrace, you’ll accept into your arms again regardless.

3. The 7:10 train Skinny!Steve Rogers x Reader; You return home from work and go to speak to your roommate: Steve. When you do find him, you know something is wrong. He’s enlisted, and he’s leaving on the 7:10 train. [PART 2: Launch]

4. Conversations in the kitchen Bill Weasley x Reader; You wake up alone in your usually shared bed and make your way down to the kitchen to spend the morning with your lover.

5. Volatile Ivar x Reader; After his encounter with Margrethe, Ivar is volatile and furious- and the only person he can be comforted by is you. Ivar hates being vulnerable around anyone else, but you.

6. Ivy league Peter Parker x Reader; You can barely sleep because of nerves; tomorrow is the day you find out if you got into your dream Ivy League university. Luckily, your boyfriend is there to calm you down.

7. Nor’easter Din Djarin x Reader; You wait out the storm with your small green son, Grogu, and wait for your Mandalorian to return back to you.

8. Hallucinations Peter Parker x Reader; Peter hasn’t been the same since the events with Mysterio and Tony’s death, but that doesn’t mean that you’re not going to be there for him.

9. Nebula Loki x Reader; Loki tries to do what he thinks is best for you, but only ends up hurting you more. Can he fix things under the light of the stars and the nebula?

10. Candlelight Remus Lupin x Reader; You sneak out past curfew in Hogwarts in an attempt to get food from the kitchen. You bump into a familiar figure, and your faces are lit up in the candlelight.

11. Poppy Captain Rex x Reader; You are pleasantly surprised when your secret boyfriend returns from his tour, and even more pleased when he has a gift for you: a red poppy.

12. Rosy cheeks Bucky Barnes x Reader; You meet Bucky on a morning jog, and find yourself going for coffee with the handsome stranger that has blush, rosy cheeks.

13. Necktie Eleventh Doctor x Reader; You have another close escape in an adventure with the Doctor, only his necktie doesn’t make it.

14. Launch Skinny!Steve Rogers x Reader + Steve Rogers x Reader; PART 2 of The 7:10 Train. You launch yourself into writing to Steve as soon as you get the letter from him. And, also suprise him with some photos to show how you really feel.

15. Diary Wanda Maximoff x Reader; Part of you knew you shouldn’t be reading Wanda’s diary... The other half had to know how she felt about you.

16. Baby blue Ivar Ragnarsson x Reader; Even when you should be mad at him, you can’t help but notice how blue Ivar’s eyes are... Baby blue.

17. Hotel room Dean Winchester x Reader; You have to pretend to be married to Dean for a case, and your feelings for him are only brought closer to the surface when there’s only one bed in the hotel room.

18. Cold water James Moriarty x Reader; You had been out of the game for a while but a particular case- a particular clue draws you back in. You know its the work of Moriarty; you just don’t know why he wants you by cold water.

19. Snowdrops Thranduil x Reader; It’s your wedding day and you can’t help but think today is perfect, especially with your favourite flower (snowdrops) braided in your hair.

20. Class differences Steve Rogers x Reader; Howard introduces Steve to one of his socialite friends and Steve can’t help but be in awe of you- despite the class and wealth differences.

21. Homesick Bucky Barnes x Reader; You enjoy spending time with Bucky, but can’t help but wonder if he misses the 40s: if he’s homesick.

22. Angel wrought 10th Doctor x Reader; Your adventures with the Doctor never cease to amaze you. You appreciate the moment of silence to appreciate it even more.

23. Flicker Bill Weasley x Reader; By the flicker of your candle light, you head downstairs because you can’t sleep. Much to your delight, your boyfriend finally makes it home from a late shift.

24. Sunday morning Winter Anderson x Reader; Every Sunday morning, you can be found spending time with your best friend and long time crush, Winter. However, the cult gets in the way of that.

25. Playground Din Djarin x Reader; You had missed your small green son ever since you let him go. Today, you were finally seeing him again: you hoped he was having fun in his Jedi school and playground.

26. Before sunrise Vision x Reader; You have been struggling with the aftermath from Ultron, and you find comfort in the unlikiest of places.

27. Bookends Loki x Reader; You visit Loki in his cell after his invasion of Earth. Everything has changed and you feels worlds apart.

28. Up the mountain Stever Rogers x Reader; PART 3 of the 7:10 Train; He knew he had to say good bye but he just didn’t understand why it had to hurt so badly.

~~~

WANT TO REQUEST A CHARACTER FOR A CERTAIN DAY?

request here [in my ask box]; undercut is all the fandoms i write for!!

AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER- All seasons, most characters

AMERICAN HORROR STORY- All series, and all characters

DC- The Flash; Supergirl, DC Legends Of Tomorrow; Arrow; Batman V Superman; Wonder Woman

DIVERGENT- Movie and book characters

DR WHO- From 9th Doctor onwards (including companions from those series too)

GAME OF THRONES- All series, all characters

HARRY POTTER- All books/movies, all characters, all generations (Note that I haven’t read The Cursed Child, yet)

JURASSIC WORLD- Not Jurassic Park; just characters from JW

KINGSMAN SECRET SERVICE- All character from the movie

LORD OF THE RINGS/THE HOBBIT- All movies/books, all characters

THE MAN FROM U.N.C.L.E.- All characters

MARVEL- Avengers (Spiderman will be the Tom Holland version), X Men (all movies), Guardians Of The Galaxy, Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Carter, Daredevil

MERLIN BBC- All series, all characters

PEAKY BLINDERS- All series, most characters

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN- All movies, all characters

SHERLOCK BBC- All series, all characters

STAR WARS- All movies and TV Shows (prequels, original triology, sequels, Clone Wars, Rebels and the Mandalorian)

STRANGER THINGS- All characters (if a request is sent in for the four boys, or eleven, they must be platonic, ie: friends, sister/brother-ly, family, or enemies)

SUPERNATURAL- All characters (I’m only on season 12, tho)

TEEN WOLF- All series, all characters

THE 100- All series, all characters

THE HUNGER GAMES- All movies/books, all characters

VIKINGS- All main characters

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justauthoring · 4 years

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never stopped.

Request: could i request a theo raeken x reader set when he returns in 6a? they kind of had a unspoken thing in season 5 so she felt really betrayed by him and can’t even look at him?(he never actually did anything to her but he obviously hurt the people she loves like scott, malia, lydia, stiles etc.)?and he’s trying everything to get her to forgive him and he ends up being taken by the ghost riders to protect her instead of liam? idk it’s a bit messy so totally okay if you don’t want to do it!

Please don’t plagiarize my work!

“I have nothing to say to you!”

“Y/N—“

Whirling around to face Theo, you inhale sharply when meeting his eyes. He’d only been back for a few hours thanks to Liam, and you found it harder then you assumed it would be to even look him in the eye.

Every time you did meet his eyes, you thought about him, about what you’d had with Theo. About all the good memories. But then also remembered all the bad, the memories turned poison because of him and his betrayal.

The silence only lasts for a moment, your breath halting and you glance past Theo’s shoulder, where the rest of the pack is and you almost find yourself tempted to call out for them. They were too busy arguing about whether Theo should be sent back to hell or not to notice he’d even slipped away. Mind you, he wasn’t running away. He was just wanted to talk to you.

Unfortunately.

“You used me,” you whisper, voice sharp, but shaky with distress. “You used me to get to them,” and with a swipe of your hand, you gesture to the rest. “So, just...”

And you take a step back but Theo rushes forward before you can rush off. With extinct, he grabs your arm, grip gently albeit but he tugs you towards him without a second thought. You gasp at the action, your heart spiking in panic, feet stumbling beneath you. He pulls you closer, incredibly close, and for just a split second everything is silent. But you know you’re scared, you can feel it in the way your heart is pounding madly and erratically against your chest.

Yet, Theo still seems to have some sort of effect over you. That you can’t deny. Despite all he’d done, a part of you still loves him. But another is mad. And an even larger part is terrified of him because of how easily he’d worked himself into your life and became important to you.

“Y/N...”

You cringe, trying to pull back.

“Hey! Let go of her!”

A breath of relief leaves you when Theo is pulled away. A shadow steps in front of you and with a simple glance up, your heart falls with ease as Scott blocks Theo’s path towards you.

“I just want to talk to her—“

“No,” Scott cuts in sharply, pressing a hand against Theo’s chest, forcing him backs. “No, you don’t get to talk to her.”

Hayden steps forward, with the intent to comfort her, and while you appreciate it, you step back before she can, moving towards the door. At this point, you don’t really care if Theo gets sent back to hell or not, you just want him to leave you alone.

As you reach the door, you glance back, meet Scott’s eyes as he nods at you reassuringly. And you can’t help the way your eyes drift slightly past him, at Theo.

But you don’t say anything. You just turn, leaving.

You’re scared. You’re fucking terrified.

You were going to be taken. That you knew. And it terrified you because you weren’t even supposed to be on your own. You’d run off stupidly, gotten yourself lost from Liam (and regrettably Theo) and now you couldn’t find your way back. And you could only run so long before they caught you or you ran out of energy. You weren’t a werewolf like many of your friends, and you didn’t have the supernatural hearing to know where your friends were or the stamina to fight and run away.

You didn’t even know if they did.

Your heart stops when you reach a dead end. You can turn either right or left but you know it’ll just lead to another dead end, because you don’t know your way out.

You slow to a stop, panting, as you glance back the way you’d ran. The Ghost Riders are just turning the corner, and you watch as every step they take, they get closer and closer to you.

But then an arm wraps around your waist and you’re pulled back against a chest. A gasp leaves your lips, and you move to scream, but then the familiar voice of Theo is shushing you gently, never relenting his grip as he races down the hallway. He doesn’t stop, both of you silent, until he reaches an elevator. And with urgency, he presses on the button repeatedly, as if that’ll make it get up quicker.

“Theo, what are—“

The elevator beeps and Theo pushes you back. You stumble, it taking you a moment to find your footing, before your wide and surprised eyes fall on Theo who glances back down at you with a smile.

Your eyes widen the doors start to slide shut.

“Theo—“

“Just so you know,” he calls, never taking his eyes off of you even as the Ghost Riders approach him. “I truly do love you.”

You see his familiar figure and you waste no time.

Your feet quicken beneath you and you damn it all, no longer caring about anything. About what the others might think. Truthfully, you think he’s proven himself enough and you’re tired of pretending you don’t love him.

“Theo!”

He turns at the sound of your voice, surprised, but relieved when he gets a proper look at you. Yet, no one is as relieved as you that he had somehow managed to escape the Ghost Riders somewhat unscathed.

He moves to call out for you, but before you can you’re reaching him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling his lips against your own. It’s feverish and desperate, every bit of emotion you’ve felt, both good and bad, pouring out of you in the exact moment. But Theo doesn’t mind at all, in fact, he kisses you just as passionately.

His arms wrap around your waist, your back curling into him as a moan slips past your lips.

Then, pulling back, you let out a heavy breath, eyes flickering shut momentarily as Theo rests his forehead against your own.

“What was that for?”

“To tell you,” you start, meeting his eyes as you pull back. “I love you too.”

Let me know what you thought?

#Teen Wolf #Teen Wolf imagine #Teen Wolf x reader #Theo #Theo Raeken #Theo Raeken imagine #Theo Raeken x reader #Theo imagine #Theo x reader #Cody Christian #Cody Christian imagine #Cody Christian x reader #imagine #imagines #my fics

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tarhalindur · 3 years

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Hurr durr. I have been a fool.

So, I was thinking through a “how to fix Sotsu” post, and noting that unlike some people I didn’t exactly mind the Gou episode 17 reveal because I got the impression that my old “the biggest deception in Gou is that it’s a mystery to be solved at all” take is correct and the core arc of Sotsugou is something other than a mystery.

And then it hit me: I’ve seen this kind of arc before, and I should have realized this quite a bit earlier than I did considering where I’ve seen it.

Satokowashi-hen and Sotsu don’t follow the structure of an OG Higurashi arc. They might follow the structure of a broader Umineko character arc - my only partial familiarity with Seacats is showing. But what Satokowashi-hen and Sotsu definitely follow is the structure of a *PMMM* arc. That is to say, Sotsugou isn’t a mystery - rather, it is a *tragedy*.

(Sotsugou is nowhere near as good at it as PMMM is, mind you. Gen “Urobutcher” Urobutchi might seriously be the best tragedy writer in at least a century, and while I can’t speak to Umineko Ryukishi07′s attempt at a tragic character arc in OG Higurashi might well be my pick for the single weakest element of the original - it’s a rather typical kind of bad, too, reminds me very much of Elfen Lied (and I’ve seen similar criticisms leveled at a couple of MagiReco character backstories). But the core structure is the same, and honestly I can see a pretty solid argument that the core arc is better-executed than the relevant OG Higurashi element and the issues come from Sotsugou’s execution more generally.)

Spoilery explanation (for both franchises) under the cut:

A character runs into an unpleasant situation that’s ultimately quite minor in the grand scheme of things (something that happens to actual people all the time), is unable to really cope with it due to untreated mental illness, and this is then escalated into a larger catastrophe due to the intervention of an outside being offering a deal that ultimately results in the character becoming a Witch? That’s a pretty fair summation of Satoko’s Sotsugou arc (where the untreated mental illness is ADHD plus social anxiety - we know she’s been diagnosed with the latter, courtesy of Dr. Irie in Minagoroshi-hen). It is also a precise summation of Sayaka’s character arc in main series PMMM (where the mental illness is depression), and if you expand the terms a little (moderately less common situation with more supernatural influence courtesy of first timeline Madoka, majo -> akuma) and include Rebellion Homura’s character arc pretty much fits the description as well (not sure about ADHD, but I’d be shocked if Homura isn’t on the autism spectrum and suffering from Rejection-Sensitive Dysphoria herself). (Half the reason I’m facepalming is because I’ve only been making “Higurashi no Naku Koro Ni: The Rebellion Story” not-actually-jokes-anymore for almost a year now, and I raised the Eua-Kyubey comparison during Satokowashi-hen to boot.) Honestly, if this is right then one of the single biggest Sotsugou mistakes is never using the resident author avatar (just to be clear, that’s spelled “Eua”) to explicitly point this out because we’re all so used to mystery mode that we weren’t going to switch gears without prompting..

It would also neatly explain parts of Sotsu’s structure. At some level the answer to every murder mystery’s whydunnit is a tragedy, the explanation of exactly what drove a character to the unspeakable (see also: Othello). If Sotsugou is in fact supposed to be a tragedy disguised as a mystery, then conceptually the framework they built the structure on makes sense: reveal the culprit at the point when the show fully transitions into a PMMM-style tragedy, then frame the tragic arc as an extended whydunnit. Fair enough.

(Aside: ... Uh, hmm. My brain spit out another idea: is part of the reason for the sheer amount of repetition in Sotsu that it’s inspired by how Madoka changes on a rewatch (the signature Madoka rewatch experience: shouting “YOU CHEEKY MOTHERFUCKERS” at the screen as you notice yet another piece of blatant foreshadowing hiding in plain sight)? I wouldn’t put it past Ryukishi07, though if so either he or someone at Passione seriously botched the execution. Oh wait, that’s basically Sotsugou’s tagline as a whole, so...)

(You could also argue that Sotsugou is using a Butch Gen plot as well more than a Ryukishi07 one; refusal to compromise leading to disastrous consequences is another Urobutcher thing.)

Now, if this is actually the intent then they fucked it up. First, as mentioned above the extant fanbase was primed to view Sotsugou’s structure as the traditional When They Cry arc structure - question arcs setting up the mystery, followed by answer arcs gradually narrowing down the solution space until the truth is revealed. If you’re going to break from that and want your existing fans to follow along, you need a signal that the rules have changed, and they didn’t give a good enough one. (Or Ryukishi07 was intentionally trying to pull one over on the fans, but that only works if the fans notice.) Second. they chased two rabbits and lost them both by trying to bring in other Umineko concepts at the same time (mostly the poorly set-up illusions to illusions solve for Tataridamashi-hen); on a related note, if the plan after Nekodamashi-hen was actually a tragedy then they really needed to focus on Satoko even more than they did. Third, the characterizations of the most important characters feel off; Satoko goes off the deep end too quickly for a proper tragic arc, Rika has a major disjoint with her OG characterization (manga Nekodamashi-hen fixes this to some extent, so this may be an anime staff issue). One of Butch Gen’s core themes as a writer is hamartia, tragedy driven by the flaws of the characters, and these issues with characterization put a major damper on any attempt on Sotsugou’s part to replicate that. Relatedly and compounding this, as I have noted before it sure does feel like part of Ryukishi07's thought process when writing Lambdatoko was looking at Homura’s detractors and going “let me show you what a character this actually applies to looks like” (which would also play into Ryukishi07′s usual “even the worst monsters can be redeemed” theme), but this works at cross purposes with the tragic arc (I don’t think it theoretically *has* to, but making it work would take much better execution than Sotsugou has). Fourth and finally, they forgot the Endless Eight lesson when writing the Sotsu answer arcs. (If Sotsugou does end next week without any sign of another season or movie then add 5) they made the redemption a little too cheap. Again. OG had the same issue, after all. When They Cry themes as a solution to PMMM’s questions makes a ton of sense - there’s a reason I got the idea for that crossover, and it wasn’t just both casts yelling at me to make it - but there needs to be actual work for it.)

That said... if this is right, then the base idea is solid. It *could* have worked. It just didn’t.

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chaoticdean · 3 years

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Do you believe the SPN writers owed us the "right" ending? (This is a serious question!) And if so, what was it? Would you require a "happily ever after" for all the characters involved? Is the mental health of the audience a priority when creating a story? I know, a lot of thoughts, but I'm v curious!

Well, I think any writers of any show owe their audience the “right” ending. That being said, I still firmly believe that what we got as an ending (that englobes 19 and 20, btw) resulted from corporate fuckery rather than from the writers shooting themselves in the head with their own gun. If you’ve been attentive enough for the past few seasons, you’d have noticed the theme and the clear meta storylines being laid out by the writing team, and the way season 15 all up to episode 18 was absolutely, utterly, completely following that path. The way both episodes 19 and 20 can be separated from the rest of the season is a clear hint at what happened, and that’s also why it can be this easily disregarded.

Now, back to your question. To me, the right ending involved several things.

Dean getting to speak his truth: not only did that involved the situation with Cas needing to be addressed in any way, but that also involved getting Dean to let go. To me, Dean was always going to die at the end. What I didn’t picture was his death being this meaningless, on an insignificant hunt, only with Sam by his side, delivering a 5 minutes speech that could’ve been avoided in favor of calling a goddamn ambulance to save his life. I expected something along the lines of Sam and Dean raiding Heaven in their final battle against Chuck, and at the end of it Dean choosing to stay behind, choosing the Afterlife and having something with Cas while Sam went back to Earth to live his life as the Leader he was always supposed to be. Which brings me to my second point.

Sam rising up to the leadership position he was always supposed to get: I think I made a post sorely for this at some point, but long story short Sam’s storyline has been carefully crafted since season 1 to end at a point where Sam was supposed to become the leader of this big old hunter family in America. Yet, he ends up closing up the bunker (effectively turning down everything he’s worked for for the past 3 decades of his life, everything Dean, Cas and their entire extended family fought for), and runs off to live a meaningless life with a blurry wife and a proxy kid he names after his brother. This is nowhere close to anything they’ve ever laid out for Sam’s path, and I don’t even understand how Sam stans can be okay with where he ended up. He spends the last 4 decades of his life mourning his brother and turning his back on everything the show made a point of crafting for him. He never becomes the leader he was supposed to. He never gets back to Eileen. He apparently forgets everything about the past two decades of his life. Again, the show makes a point of telling us “you thought what we showed you for 15 seasons was real? Well, here’s our #1 character turning his back on everything we made a point of carefully tell, because non of it mattered”

Cas’ place in the finale: Parts of what makes no sense is the fact that Cas disappears in the Empty after ep. 18 and nothing about it gets addressed later on. I’m not even talking about Misha being in the episodes, because if Covid really was the excuse here (hint, it’s not, but bear with me regardless) there were SO MANY easy ways to explains this storyline without needing Misha to be on screen. You’re telling me there was no way to grab an extra to wear one of the trenchcoats and sit next to Jensen in the Impala? You’re telling me there was no way of adding ADR at the end of 20 to add a simple “Hello Dean” to the scene, before Sam appears in Heaven? You’re telling me there was no way of having a Winbros conversation about what happened? Castiel’s absence makes no sense, if not for the fact that he’s been a core character of the show for 12 years, and not having him at the end felt like a punch to the guts. Castiel was also deeply linked to Dean’s character arc, and his absence leaves Dean’s storyline entirely incomplete (which, I may have to add, is completely hysterical judging by the fact that he’s literally the second main character of the show). I’m not gonna go on and on, but basically I pictured Castiel being there when Dean came along, and being part of the reason Dean makes a choice of staying instead of going back.

There are a lot more things to say. The complete disappearance of Eileen in favor or Sam getting a blurry wife. The complete erasure of the Found Family angle they made a point of cultivating for so long. Basically, 19 and 20 felt like the whole series being ripped away to pieces and the show telling us that it was all a lie. The “right” ending, to me, involved Sam and Dean finally being at peace. It involved Sam finding Eileen again and working up to the leadership position he was always supposed to get. It involved Dean finally making a choice for himself instead of thinking as a 2-unit with Sam. It involved Dean speaking his truth to Cas. It involved the co-dependence finally being bid goodbye.

Would you require a "happily ever after" for all the characters involved?

No, because at the end of the day this is Supernatural, this is not necessarily the picture-perfect show for a “happily ever after”. That being said, you can have a satisfying ending without it being happily ever after. Dean choosing to stay in Heaven is essentially Dean choosing to metaphorically die. Sam and Dean finally going their own way in different realms is fulfilling and satisfying, but doesn’t really qualify as a happily ever after either.

Is the mental health of the audience a priority when creating a story?

Good fucking lord, YES. It SHOULD BE a priority. I assume this is in relation to something I wrote a while back, where I basically said that the ending they wrote was dangerous. And I stand by it. This ending sent so many wrong messages to the audience of a beloved 15-year-old show. “We made you think that family didn’t end in blood? Well, we lied, and that’s why the ending of Supernatural will consist of sorely Sam and Dean, with the meaningful appearance of OG Bobby at the end of it”; “Speak your truth and you will be silenced”; “you’ll never be free from trauma so it’s better to just choose to bleed to death and die”. I think I could go on for hours, but you get the idea. This ending was dangerous, and I wish they’d considered the trauma that would unleash on their own fandom because it’s making me insane. I’m glad I’m at a point in my life where I can take care of myself, but a couple of years back that would have been enough to set me back on my own destructive path. And it’s making me sick to think that it probably did put many fans down to the point where it fucked with their sanity.

Yes, it should be a priority. Obviously, it wasn’t a priority when crafting an ending for Supernatural.

Sorry, that got excruciatingly long. I hope that answered part of your questions, but feel free to reach out for more!

#at this point i feel like this ending is going to drive me insane for years #corporate fuckery #spn finale #finale fuckery #is this meta?#idk #jus.meta #spn 15x19 #spn 15x20

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rainbuckets8 · 3 years

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Settings in She-Ra

Today I will talk about setting and how She-Ra uses its settings to do some very cool things with its writing. I didn’t even notice all of these things until a recent rewatch because it’s so subtle and yet so brilliant at unconsciously making you notice things. TL;DR: The two major characters, Adora and Catra, are reflected in the show by a few major settings. And in this essay I will -

To understand settings in She-Ra, you need to understand that writing is rarely a cause-and-effect endeavor. Writing decisions and choices don’t just happen because something is the most likely to happen in the world of the story; things happen because the author writes them. So when something takes place in the Whispering Woods, it’s important to remember that was a deliberate decision for some event to happen there, not just because it’s a logical outcome. Following this, I will make a guess that She-Ra’s major settings are like an extended metaphor for the thoughts and feelings of its two major characters, Adora and Catra.

What tipped me off to this was a recent rewatch, when Adora and Catra confront each other at the end of Season 3. And it occurred to me just how often they confronted each other in the Whispering Woods. Seems odd, right? Another thing is that Adora goes on her own Hero’s Journey. The Hero goes into the Unknown, a supernatural place, and encounters challenges, only to grow past them and emerge a changed person, and returns to their life. Adora definitely changes; she literally transforms into She-Ra for the rest of the series, and She-Ra even changes again when Adora gets a new transformation.The Whispering Woods can certainly be defined as the Unknown, in a literal sense; even the princesses and native Etherians treat it with caution and confusion, because it’s so ancient and mystical. The Woods also exist as a boundary between the Horde and Brightmoon, a middle ground. If Adora’s journey begins in the Horde and ends in Brightmoon, she has to go through the Woods, the Unknown, in order to complete it. Adora’s journey is centered around her inner thoughts and feelings as much, or even more, as it is about winning a war. And these challenges to her thoughts and feelings usually take place in the Whispering Woods, which is a metaphor for her sense of self. Or else, they take place in First One’s ruins, which are in the Woods, and represent Adora going deeper into her thoughts.

No post of mine is complete without numerous examples, so let’s take it from the top. Adora and Catra leave the Horde, their home, to enter the Woods, and Adora encounters something strange and new there. Adora goes back, and Catra stays behind, metaphorically because Catra isn’t ready to start her own journey yet. Glimmer and Bow enter the ruins with Adora, and she slowly learns to let them into her life and they become her close friends. Adora gets to Brightmoon but enters the Woods again when she is unsure of what to do, and gets advice from Razz. (Which is really advice from herself: “You’re a smart girl. What do you think?”) When Adora next encounters a problem she can’t handle, healing Glimmer, she retreats to the Woods again in search of answers. She goes deeper and finds Catra in the ruins in Promise. After making the major decision to essentially cut Catra out of her life, to “let go,” the Woods end up destroyed in the process of the Battle of Brightmoon, much like how Adora’s own thoughts are conflicted.

The next major conflict in the Woods happens in the Season 3 finale, in the false world created by the portal. Adora confronts Catra yet again, not just once but twice, and firmly makes a decision: I can’t be friends with you anymore if you keep acting like this. We also get a nice look at Adora’s theme of destiny and how that relates to Glimmer and Bow leaving her alone, and Angella sacrificing herself when Adora initially believes that’s her destiny.

Our next major glimpse of the Woods comes from Mara, actually! Mara herself goes on a little brief journey, and learns new things from Razz in Hero, in where else? The Woods. Mara, being the She-Ra before Adora, as a predecessor figure, emphasizes that the Woods have some mystical connection to the mystical She-Ra - and the exposition for the audience doesn’t hurt here either. Season 4 ends with another major conflict between Adora and one of her parental figures, Light Hope. We go as deep as we’ve been yet into the First Ones’ ruins, and it ends with Adora rejecting the concept of her destiny.

Finally, in Season 5, when Adora gets back to Etheria, she retreats from Prime to, where else, but the deepest part of the Whispering Woods. However, much like how Prime’s chips can take over a person’s thoughts, so too do the chipped people take over that camp, corrupting a safe haven for Adora. Shadow Weaver worms her way into the new camp in the Whispering Woods, and in the next episodes, Adora starts letting Shadow Weaver’s incorrect arguments about repressing her thoughts and feelings worm their way into her head. But then Adora goes as deep into the ruins as she’s ever been, the literal center of the planet. Glimmer and Bow turn back and trust Catra to go deeper, with Shadow Weaver. It’s in the tunnels where Adora rejects Shadow Weaver one last time, and Shadow Weaver dies, and Adora can start to get closure on that chapter in her life. And then Adora accepts her love for Catra. How cool is it that this place is called the Heart? Not just a heart, as in the center of Adora’s self, but a heart as in the symbol for feelings and wants. And how it’s both of those, suggesting that feelings and wants are the strongest and most central part of her mind and self. (If you’re familiar with my other ramblings, insert the “magic, especially She-Ra’s magic, is love” metaphor here.)

As an aside, the two parts of her mind, the First Ones and the natural Whispering Woods, can be read as an extension of this metaphor; she’s torn between two groups. While Adora is technically adopted, based on the themes of the show, this isn’t so much about literal feelings about adoption as it is “found family vs birth family.” So the First Ones don’t represent adoption in a negative light, as much as they represent some of our birth or immediate families. And how the family Adora found and chose, is so much better for her than the families that were chosen for her (either Light Hope as a representation of the First Ones, or Shadow Weaver as someone who takes her in).

Whew, ok. How about Catra? Catra’s self is reflected much like Adora’s. Catra’s major setting is the Fright Zone. She wins most of her major victories there. She defeats Shadow Weaver, and she defeats Hordak. But she also loses her friends. She stuns Entrapta. The two pivotal moments of Scorpia leaving her happen in the Horde: when she confirms she would destroy Emily, and Scorpia calls her a bad friend; and when she discovers the note Scorpia left behind. Double Trouble confronts her in the Fright Zone after she fights Hordak. Unlike Adora, the Fright Zone is portrayed as an unhealthy place.

Catra only starts her own journey when she enters her version of the Unknown. If Adora’s version is the Woods, then Catra’s supernatural place where she doesn’t feel at home is Horde Prime’s ship. She tries her games again, to make her way up the ranks, but it’s clear Prime isn’t falling for them. She confronts her inner thoughts and feelings: “Adora means something to you.” She sees what she’s always known deep down, in an irrefutable way: the Horde, and Prime, is super unhealthy. She makes her pivotal decision to change when she rescues Glimmer. And let’s talk about that, because there’s something super neat about Adora’s reflection of her deepest thoughts, the ruins, and Catra’s reflection of her deepest thoughts, the Velvet Glove. These are the only two places where there are diegetic flashbacks, and only for Catra and Adora. (Diegetic means “in the world of the story.” Characters can see or hear a diegetic thing. So background soundtracks are for the audience only, that is non-diegetic music; Sea Hawk’s shanties can be heard by the characters and the audience, that is diegetic music.) There is an explanation in the world for Adora’s: it’s tech, either by Light Hope, or a leftover. But there is absolutely no reason that Catra can see the exact same style of flashback aboard the Velvet Glove, in Corridors. Why only these two places, that just so happen to be the two places that reflect each of their deepest feelings? Speaking of Corridors, it’s an exceptional episode for all its imagery and it’s here that the setting reflects Catra the most. It’s here when Catra reaffirms her deepest fears. “All I do is hurt people. There’s no one left in the entire universe who cares about me.”

But she’s wrong! Because although Adora and Catra are each reflected in their settings, they are also deeply intertwined with each other. We see this in Save the Cat, when Adora goes into the Velvet Glove without even being able to turn into She-Ra, ready to make the worst tactical decision ever, of all time, to try and save Catra. We see this in Promise, when the two deeply confront each other about their innermost feelings, and the settings become intertwined: we’re in the ruins for Adora, and at the same time in a simulation of the Horde for Catra. We see this in the Woods in Season 3’s finale, when they confront each other yet again. We see this in the tunnels in Heart, Part 1 and Part 2, when Adora sees Catra in simulations and Catra makes her way into the deepest part of the Heart to save her. Think about the number of times they have been alone with just each other in any of these settings. Think about who gets to be in these settings with them, and how that usually or always reflects who has the most influence on these two as characters. (Remember Prime isn’t so much about who he is, as what kinds of thinking he represents.)

The settings in She-Ra not only reflect the two main characters visually, but also metaphorically. Adora is the Woods and the ruins. Catra is the Fright Zone and the Velvet Glove. The characters enter each other’s settings many times, and they argue and fight. But, throughout all that time, they’ve still held the other near to their heart. As Catra says to Adora: “I love you. I always have.”

#she ra spoilers #She Ra

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tweedlydumbtweedlydoo · 4 years

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Damon Salvatore x reader

Requested by @thefandomplace //Summary: Someone from Damon’s past wants to get back at him and uses you as her leverage against Damon.

A/N: Okay so I actually really like how this one turned out. I hope you guys do too! Thank you for requesting! xx

Tag list is at the end. Let me know if you want to be added xx

**MASTERLIST**

Requests: {OPEN} CLOSED

I am currently taking requests for:

The Vampire Diaries/The Originals

Elijah Mikaelson

Damon Salvatore

Criminal Minds:

Spencer Reid

Derek Morgan

Supernatural (I’m only up to season 2, so please don’t request something with spoilers)**

Sam Winchester

Dean Winchester

Outer Banks (Netflix):

John B Routledge

JJ Maybank

Rafe Cameron

********************************************************************************************NOT MY GIF, CREDIT TO OWNERS

She watches the two of you from the rooftops. You and Damon were walking together, sharing ice cream; laughing as some dripped onto his chin. There was some kind of festival going down below in the Mystic Falls square; hundreds of people. This wasn’t the place; she would have to wait for the right moment.

You laugh when some of the ice cream drips onto Damon’s chin.

“Geez, you could at least get it into my mouth?” He chuckles, grabbing some napkins at the booth next to him.

“I’m sorry,” You laugh more, taking the napkins from him and gently wiping the ice cream from his chin, “You moved.”

“Oh? I moved?” He chuckles, shaking his head, taking the ice cream from you, “It’s my turn to control who feeds the ice cream.” He gets a small spoonful.

“Damon you better-” It was too late, he tapped the spoon onto your nose, dabbing a little ice cream on your nose. “Damon Salvatore!”

He chuckles, shrugging, “I’m sorry baby doll, you moved.”

You roll your eyes, wiping it off your nose, “Now I’m all sticky.”

He takes a bite of the ice cream, pointing to the Grille, “Go in there and wash up. Then we’ll go get a funnel cake to finish the night off.”

You nod, kissing his cheek, “Sounds good.” He motions to the ground with the spoon, “I’ll be right here, waiting.”

You walk inside, pushing through a small crowd of people. Stepping into the bathroom, you go straight to the sink, wetting a cloth. When you look up in the mirror, there’s a woman, dark red hair standing behind you. Before you know what’s going on, she pushes the back of your head forward, your forehead hitting the mirror and it shattering to pieces, darkness overcoming you.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket. You’d been in there for more than 5 minutes but all you had to do was wash your hands. He looks around, before heading inside and straight to the bathrooms. There wasn’t a line, so that wouldn’t be holding you up. He spots Stefan and Elena at the bar and grabs Stefan by the shoulder, turning him around, “Have you guys seen y/n?”

Stefan shakes his head, “No. We’ve been here all night.”

Damon looks around the bar once more, maybe he missed you, “She went to the bathroom to wash her hands and she hasn’t come back yet.”

Elena puts a hand on his arm, “Don’t freak out. Maybe there was a line. I’ll go check on her.”

Damon nods, “Thank you.”

Elena makes her way to the bathroom and opens the door. The mirror is shattered to pieces, glass scattered around the floor. There’s blood on the mirror and droplets over the sink and floor, “Oh god.”

When she turns around to exit the bathroom, Damon and Stefan are already there, looking at the mess behind her.

“Shit.” Damon pushes Stefan out of the way and rushes out of the Grille, looking left and right as he exits the Grille. “Y/n?” He heads toward the square where the funnel cakes were. Maybe you headed there while he was inside, but you weren’t there. You were nowhere to be found.

When you woke up, you screamed. Your body was leaning forward over the ledge of a building and all you saw below you was the concrete sidewalk.

Someone pulled you back by your hair, “Oh don’t worry. I’m not letting you die. Just yet.” She laughs, pushing you to the ground.

“Who the hell are you?” You winced, sitting up. It was the red haired woman from the bathroom.

“You mean Damon didn’t tell you about me?” She frowns, “Oh honey, I’m his worst nightmare.” She bends down to your level, inches from your face, “The name’s Elizabeth.” She tilts her head at you, as if studying you.

“Damon’s never mentioned you.” You press your fingers to your forehead, blood on your fingers. “What do you want with me?”

“Oh, I want to kill you.” She smiles, standing, “So Damon knows what it feels like to lose someone he loves.”

You gulp a little, looking up at her. Damon would save you. He would save you in time. Right?

“Damon, maybe she went home?” Stefan reasons.

Damon shakes his head, “She wouldn’t have gone home Stefan! We were going to get a funnel cake, then leave. She wouldn’t have gone home.” Him, Stefan and Elena were now making their way around the square, looking in alley’s, in shops still opened, but you weren’t there.

“Yoohoo! Oh Damon!”

Damon looks around, looking at Stefan and Elena, who are looking around as well.

“Up here, darling!”

Damon looks above him. There stood a woman and in her grip on the edge of the building was you. He starts toward them, but the lady grips your hair harder, causing you to cry out in pain, “don’t even think about it!”

“Let her go, Elizabeth!” He’d recognize the red hair anywhere. He knew what she was doing here with you on the ledge of a building. She was here for revenge for killing her lover.

She tilts her head at him, “Now, why would I want to do that? That would end the fun.” She pushes you closer, your toes at the edge.

Damon flinches, ready to dart to you if you fall, “this is between you and I. Not her. She has nothing to do with this.” He holds his hands out in surrender, “Kill me instead, not her.”

“I don’t want to kill you, Damon. I want you to feel the same pain I felt when I lost Ben!” Elizabeth screams, “You ripped his heart out of his chest and killed him! For what? Over nothing!”

“Then do the same thing to me! Rip my heart out! Damn it, Elizabeth, leave her out of it! Please!”

She smirks, “Don’t move until I tell you too.” She whispers to you.

You whimper, looking down at Damon. You couldn’t move. Your body was frozen on this ledge.

Elizabeth slowly let go of you, “Hang one foot off the ledge.”

You slowly do as she says, letting out a squeal as you almost fall, “D-Damon..” A tear rolls down your cheek as you look down at him.

“hey, it’s okay.” He nods, “You’re going to be fine.” He gives you a reassuring smile, “You’re okay.”

“Aww so adorable!” Elizabeth rolls her eyes, “Boring!”

Suddenly she’s standing in front of Damon. As Damon lunges at her, she orders you, “Jump y/n!”

And that’s when you took the leap off the side of the building, falling to your death.

“No!” Damon screams, watching you fall, his eyes wide and panicked.

You scream on your way down, but your body never hits the pavement, falling into the strong arms of Damon himself.

It had all happened so quickly. Stefan had ripped Elizabeth’s heart out as you fell, giving Damon time to get to you, saving your life. You knew Damon would save you in time.

“I got you… I got you baby girl..” He whispers, kissing your temple and holding you close and tight against his body.

“You saved me..”

You can see the tears in his eyes and he gives a soft smile, “Always..”

The Vampire Diaries tag list: @thefandomplace

All my works tag list: @blossomreed

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write-orflight · 4 years

Text

Trouble: Chapter 2

*Gif not mine*

Pairings: HotchxReader

Prologue Chapter 1

Rating: M

Words: 3K

Warnings: Basic witch stuff, angst, mentions of child birth, mentions of near death

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: After Haley’s passing, Aaron Hotchner has lost the light in his eyes. He seems to find it it the most unlikely of places, an occult themed coffee shop ran by a witch.

A.N: Tarot, wicca, and crystal information is very secondhand if you see any inaccuracies, no you don’t. If you are a witch tho and want to help and be nice to me enter my ask box please, I’m annoying my friend too much.

Chapter 2: God, don't let me lose my mind

The deeper into autumn you got the more busy the shop was.

Halloween was a big money grabber for your shop. People loved to come to the shop around that time because your shop offered such ‘spooky’ feel, as the hipster who came in that morning would say. You hated that. Halloween was one of your favorite holidays simply because the veil between the natural and supernatural was so thin it was the best time for spells and charms but what you didn’t like was people and baby witches asking you about certain spells or how to commune with spirits just so they can do something “extra spooky” for whatever parties they were having for the season. Consultations were such easy money though so you’d never turn them away but your answer was always the same, that Spirits are not toys and that if they are going to invite them it better be serious and for the right intentions otherwise they might not leave.

Despite it being your favorite season, It didn’t make you less annoyed.

“If I have to make another Pumpkin flavored whatever and tell a sorority girl not to invoke a demon in her house, I’m going to scream.” Silena says to you as you enter the shop, Artemis in tow. Your sitter had to take an exam so you had to watch her for the first 2 hours of your shift. Artie, knowing the drill by now, tries to crawl up to the bar stool. You watch her for a second, smiling her little legs before taking pity on her and hoisting her up. She immediately pulls a coloring book and crayons out her bag, before working diligently in silence. You kiss her temple before walking behind the counter, tying your apron on.

“You had another consultation today?” You asked.

“Pfft, it wasn’t even that. She asked me while ordering her coffee, though I should’ve charged her for that dumbass question.” You look at her pointed, nodding your head towards your child who repeats everything. Silly winces “Sorry, but still. If this is how halloween is going to be, you’re probably going to have to do some balancing spells.”

You rolled your eyes. “Exactly what I need, more work.”

“What’s a dumbass?” Artie pipes up from her perch on the stool.

“Something you are not and shouldn’t repeat unless you want your mom mad at me.” Silly says, reaching across the counter to ruffle her hair.

The doorbell of the shop rings and the very man who’s occupied your mind these past couple of months steps in. Aaron Hotchner was one of your favorite customers despite not talking very much, he’d make small talk while you made his order which you found yourself doing slower than it would normally take you, just to get a little bit more of his time, he’d leave a tip in the jar and be on his way always leaving you with a small smile that you always immediately returned with a wide one. You tried to stop yourself from getting attached but here you were, an adult woman who had a crush on a customer who probably didn’t think about you when he left the shop.

You’d never seen him on a weekend though and frankly you didn’t know if you could handle seeing him like this again, he wore dark blue jeans, a black belt and a black t-shirt that fit a little too well over his broad chest you couldn’t help but staring at his arms that you’d never seen on display like this. You knew for a fact(well you hoped at least) he’d have no issue picking you up or pinning you down.

Now’s not the time, y/n… you think.

“Hey, you.” You greet, flirtatiously. You’ve been trying not to flirt with him, you really were but sometimes you couldn’t help it. It was your personality. “Didn’t think I’d see you in here. On a weekend, no less.”

“Yea, decided to stop for coffee before heading to my sister in law’s. Can I have my usual and an Americano for her?” He asks

“You got it.” You wink before starting to work. Silly gives you a knowing look which you brush off. Hotch takes a seat at the bar a few seats away from your daughter who looks up at him.

“Hi!” She says excitedly. “I’m Artie.”

“Hi Artie, I’m Aaron.” He looks around. “Are your parents around?” You look up. You’d forgotten to mention you had a kid to Hotch, which would probably explain his confusion of a random child sitting alone.

“My mama’s right there, silly.” She laughs. “Mama?” She says you look up automatically from the milk you’re frothing.

“Yes, bean?” You say.

“Can I have a brownie?”

“Well, I don’t know. Did you finish the addition tables I asked you to do?” She shakes her head at you. “Well, how about you do that then we’ll see if it’s brownie time, deal?” She nods, fast while pulling her math homework out of her bag. Hotch watches the interaction confused but with a slight smile.

“I didn’t know you had a kid.” He says

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Gus.” You say, calling him by the nickname you affectionately gave him your first meeting. “But yes I do, that’s Artemis.”

He nods, knowingly. “How old?”

“Well, I don’t know. How old are you, bean?” You say.

“I’m six!” She says, holding up 5 fingers, you grab her other hand to extend her other index finger too so the number was actually 6.

“Really? You’re not 16 yet?” Silly asks, ruffling her hair. “I thought you were driving us home tonight?”

Artie shakes her head. “Mama says I can’t drive yet.”

“Between you and me kid, your mama shouldn’t be on the road either.” You swat at her.

Aaron gives a small chuckle at the display in front of him. But he has to ask the burning question in his head. “Her dad—“

“Not in the picture.” You cut off. “Like not even in the same gallery.”

Hotch nods understandably as you put his drinks in the carrier for him. He looks at you confused when you add a 3rd cup.

“Hot chocolate.” You say. “For your son. I imagine that’s where you’re going. To pick him up from your sister?”

“How did you know I had a son?” He asks.

“Oh, I just used one of my witchy spells to find out information on you.” You say jokingly, but he looks at you with mild horror. “I’m kidding, Spencer told me.”

He nods. “Thank you, y/n.”

“No problem, come back to see me?”

“Always.” He says, offering you a small secret smile before leaving. You can’t help the dreamy look you give his retreating back.

“Are you coming back to earth anytime soon?” Sil says, shaking her head. “You got it bad, kid.”

“Pfft, no I don’t.” You say turning to clean up the mess you just made.

“I don’t understand why you just won’t ask him out.”

“He’s healing, Sil.” You say, shrugging. “And I don’t want to push him into something he’s obviously not ready for.”

Not to mention you also didn’t think you were ready for it.

———————————————

On Halloween day, you get a visit from one of your favorite customers

“Pennywise!” You say to chipper blonde women who strolled in she was wearing a orange and black dress with little jack-O-lantern earrings that you had gotten her the beginning of month. You move your hair back to show her the Ouija board pointer earrings she had gotten you in return. Penelope Garcia couldn’t just accept a gift without giving one in return.

“Hey Y/N, how are you this ole hallow’s eve?”

“It’s Halloween and a full moon tonight.” You say excitedly. “It’s like witch Christmas.”

“I don’t know about that but I am happy for you. Can I have a pumpkin spice latte and since I’m such a good friend an Americano with extra sugar for the good doctor?” She asks.

“You got it, Pen.” You say before starting her order. “Heading into work now?”

“Sure am! Hopefully there’s not a gruesome murder so I’ll be able to spend my Halloween having fun.” Penelope says. “You got any plans?”

“Other than taking Artie Trick or Treating and charging some crystals in the full moon, no.”

“Come on, no wild parties? no hexing beautiful men into falling in love with you?” Penny asks. You laugh loudly, shaking your head. “Man, maybe the life of a witch was more exciting in my head.”

“Yea, you did.” You laugh. “I’m basically just a cool rock collector plus love spells, so not my thing.”

“So there’s such a thing?”

“Yea there’s love spells. I don’t believe in using them. I think love itself is it’s own powerful being. It shouldn’t be manipulated with, if someone was meant to love me they would.”

“Speaking of love and love spells…” Silena pipes up from the display case she was loading pastries she just made into. “Penelope, how’s your boss?” You glare over at her.

“Hotch?” Penny asks looking between the two of you before smirking at you. “Why do you want to know?”

“I don’t.” You say at the same time as Silena says. “She has a Texas sized crush on him.”

Garcia practically squeals at that. “Let me set you up please.”

“No, Penny.” You say, immediately

“Why not?” Her and Silly say at the same time.

“Because… I don’t know didn’t his wife just die months ago, it’s hardly appropriate for me to try swoop in.”

“Ex-wife. They were already long divorced before she died.” Penelope adds

“Still! It’s not appropriate.” You say.

“So what? You’re just going to keep making him free coffee until he realizes you're into him?”

“Yup” you say adding the 3rd cup to Garcia’s carrier. “Give that to Grumpy for me please.” Garcia opens her mouth to say something but you just hold up your hand cutting her off

“Fine.” She says, grabbing the carrier. “Only because I have to go to work though, this conversation isn’t over.”

“Yes it is.” You call after her.

——————————————

You were back in the shop. Artie was tuckered out after a long night of trick or treating and crashing from her sugar high so you decided to charge some of your crystals and do some balancing spells, knowing for a fact a lot of teenagers did stupid shit to upset the balance.

As you were lighting the candles and incense, you heard a knock at the door. You were long closed so who could possibly need something right now? You look out the window and Aaron is standing there. You’re confused but you let him in anyway.

“Hey Grumpy, what’re you doing here?”

“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were closed, I guess I’ve never been here at night. I’ll go. I'm sorry for bothering you.” He says turns to go but you grab his arm to stop him.

“Gus… it’s almost midnight, no business is open. You’re here because there’s obviously something upsetting you so I’m not just going to let you leave.” You all but push him into barstool. “Now like I said it’s almost midnight so there is something important I need to do so if you’ll sit tight for like 2 minutes, I’ll make us coffee.”

Hotch obliges, sitting silently watching you as you lit some candles on the altar you kept in the shop. You placed the honey cake you had made earlier in the day on the altar before whispering.

“Thank you to the patron, Artemis, Great goddess of Moon and Magic. Mistress of deer and owl. Be thou my guide and Inspiration. Teach me Thy mysteries and lead me in thy ways.” You stand and turn back to Hotch who is watching you intensely. “Sorry about that, midnight is her favorite time. Coffee?” You ask, He nods as you move behind the counter.

“Can I ask what it is you just did?” Hotch ask.

“That?” He nods. “It’s a full moon so since Artemis is my patron goddess, it’s best to leave a sacrifice to stay in her favor.” You shrug. He looks at you like you're crazy but you're used to that look. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s no different then some catholic practices. In fact, Christians often stole from pagan practices, and only one is just considered ‘taboo’ now.”

“Is that why you named your child Artemis, because she’s your Patron?” He asks.

“Actually, Artemis is my Patron because of Artie.” You say, he looks at you as if asking you to continue. “I wasn’t always like this.” You say gesturing to yourself and the shop. “My parents are pastors and for a long time I was this faith devout christian girl. But I got pregnant out of wedlock, my parents disowned me and I was looking for something to turn to. I met Silena and she introduced me to Wicca, and said whoever my Patron was through meditation and study, They’ll reveal themselves to me. So I went months, meditating daily, and still nothing was working. Then I went into labor, and everything was going wrong. I thought, this was my punishment from god for not only getting pregnant without marriage but turning to witchcraft. I had to have an emergency C-section. And when I was on the operating table, I almost died, Artie almost died. I started to see these images of deer and boar running through the forest. And finally when I came back to, and I could hear my baby crying, the first thing I saw when my eyes opened was the full moon out the window.” You sigh, sliding a cup to Hotch before moving from behind the counter to take a seat next to him. “That’s when I realized the goddess had saved me and my child. And while Artemis prefers virgin patronage, and that ship had long sailed past back then. I figured naming my child after her was the next best thing.”

“That’s a beautiful story, Y/N.” He says, looking at you sincerely.

“Thank you, and since you’re not running for the hills, why don’t you tell me why you really knocked at my door at midnight.”

“It’s just…” He starts, clearing his throat. “Tonight was the first ‘major’ holiday without Haley. And I tried to take Jack’s mind off it, make it fun but it was like this looming weight above us. That it wasn’t the same without her and that it never would be. And I was upset and just wanted to take a walk but I guess my feet carried me here.” He shrugged.

“Well I’m glad you’re here grumpy. And you’re healing you need to give yourself time--”

“I don’t have time!” He snaps. You flinch back a bit, having never heard his raised voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just-I don’t have time to heal. I have to be there for Jack.”

“Who’s there for you, Aaron?” You ask. He looks at you confused. You hardly ever call him by his name. It's either grumpy or gus or a combination of the two. Never by his actual name, he hated how much he liked how it sounded coming from your lips. “Do you know what a rock tumbler is?” you ask, he shakes his head confused where you’re going with this. You run behind the counter to retrieve the box you had dug through the very first night you met.

“Well a rock tumbler is a device you put rocks into. Rocks that have eroded, rocks that have trekked the earth, rocks that have been to hell and back. And what you do is you put them in this device with a little bit of water and you wait. Days, weeks, months all the while this device is just spinning, you don’t see what’s happening on the inside but after a while, when the time is right, you get these beautiful lustrous stones.” You say, showing him the box. “Healing is the same way, others don’t see you working. But in the end, they’ll see the result. And you’ll feel the result too. But if you don’t take that step you don’t end up with gems like these. You just end up with an eroded dingy rock.” You look up at Hotch and he’s tearing up slightly. Your heart melts. “Do you want a hug?” you say.

“You don’t have to--”

You cut him off. “No one on earth gives hugs because they have to. I want to give you a hug if you want one. So do you want a hug?”

He nods, fastly. So you stand, he follows suit and allows you to pull him down into a full embrace. Your arms around his neck and shoulders, he envelopes you fully into his torso, arms tight around your waist. You sigh, content. Before shaking yourself out of it. This wasn’t about you. No matter how right it felt.

After a minute or so you break apart. You look him in the eyes and he’s staring back at you in what feels like admiration. You clear your throat. “Can I give you something?” you ask.

“Is it another crystal?” He asked back.

“Yes, it is.” You rummage through the box before pulling out the one you needed. “This is Aragonite, it’s good for healing old wounds and building emotional strength. Now I can gift you this but you have to activate it yourself. Even if you don’t believe it, I feel like it’s good words to hear yourself say anyway.” You grab his left hand, sliding the crystal into it. He looks into your eyes. “Now say, I release past wounds and embrace resilience.”

Hotch sighs. “I release past wounds and embrace resilience.” He then slides the stone in his pocket. Before grabbing your hand again. “Thank you, Y/N”

“Anytime, Grumpy.” You say.

Taglist: @megatrexus @roses-and-grasses @tittymuncher69 @liaabsurd @ladyravenclaw @genevievedarcygrangerreading @softbibxtch @xxdisappearwithoutatracexx

#hotch x reader smut #bau x reader #hotchner x reader smut #aaron hotchner x reader smut #aaron hotchner #hotch x reader #aaron hotchner x reader #hotchner x reader #criminal minds

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touchstarvedsam · 4 years

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I’ve seen hellers say that they won’t be be having a problem with this if spn hadn’t queerbaited them with so much subtext for their ship. And I’m like pleassse, there’s triple the subtext for Wincest. No, even more. To the point where wincest shippers find it confusing sometimes as to why they’re making it so blatant (s8 jealous!winchesters anyone?) Yet you don’t see wincest shippers complain about being baited into shipping the brothers.

Ugh, they're so dumb it's actually ridiculous. Supernatural never queerbaited ANYONE. There has never been any subtext for D*stiel at ALL. The only queerbaiting they got was from Mushy, and that was to sell merchandise! That man never cared about the ship, or his fans, just how much he could get out of their pockets.

But no, their overlord can do no wrong, he didn't queerbait them! The show did! Mind you, that psycho has been telling them since season fucking 8 that D*stiel would become canon while we had Jensen onstage at cons saying it never would. Yeah, sure, listen to the person who hasn't been on the show since the first episode, lmao. Listen to the person who does nothing but lie.

They let themselves get queerbaited, BLATANTLY, so they're beyond help. They chose to listen to Mushy say that Cas' confession was homosexual, while for YEARS Jensen has been saying Dean is straight. They chose to ignore Jensen and Mushy is the one they listen to? I love their selective hearing.

I don't feel bad for them. At first I did. But as they kept getting fooled over the years, my feeling bad turned into amusement at their expense. Because it's been 7 years since Mushy has been saying it'll be canon and D*stiel still isn't canon. Dean is still straight. And now they're taking a mistranslated dub as canon, so, yeah I'm going to laugh at them for the rest of my life.

They're pathetic.

Seriously, though, Wincest is canon in the platonic sense. Sam and Dean are soulmates. We were given that it season 5, and then we were given that in season 15. We didn't get queerbaited because we KNOW that Dean is straight. We know that there was never a potential for Wincest to become sexually canon.

I love when the hellers come at us like, "you say Dean is straight but ship Wincest?" Uh, yeah, because we know the difference between CANON and FANON. We're not delusional little teenagers who cry representation but ignore every other CW show that HAS representation because it's not in the form of two 40+ year old white dudes lmfao.

We don't actually want to SEE Sam and Dean making out on live TV. It would be nice, sure, but that's not what we're after. We understand the core of the show, which is the unbreakable bond between these two brothers, and we just wanted it respected. And the finale gave us the respect we deserve in the shape of that brother positive finale.

So let the hellers keep whining. They're not going to get the ending they want. Dean started the series straight, he met Castiel and remained straight, he died straight. And now he's in heaven as straight as he has been the past 15 years on the show (or 67ish years if we count the time between when Sammy showed up in heaven), and now he's cruising around with his little brother riding shotgun.

#anti destihellers #anti misha #anti destiel #destiew #destiel isn't canon #dean is straight #you guys lost #now shut up please we're tired of hearing you #go watch seasons 1-3 and discover the true meaning of supernatural #i promise you'll change your mind about the ending the next time you see it #wank for ts #fandom wank #fandom critical #long post ish

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swimmingtvshowghostwoman · 3 years

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What I think each supernatural character would be from the LGBTQ+ community if the writers weren’t cowards and homophobic:

Dean.

bisexual. I don’t need to explain why, this is one of the main things we talk about in this fandom. It is clear that he had crushes on several men in his life, I honestly believe that he hooked up with some guy and then John walked in on them and traumatized Dean for life!

Sam.

Pansexual. I think the most clear way to explain this is season 6 Sam aka soulless!Sam, he slept around and even paid for sex, in the past and after that he never slept around and even said he doesn’t pay for it…when he was soulless he obviously didn’t feel a connection to anyone but when he did have a soul it was clear that that was the part of him that fell in love with someone and that is the part in other people that he fell for and the soul connection he felt Is what lead to any attraction he felt. Regardless of his soul or the lack of it, it was clear from the beginning that looks weren’t that important to him like it is to Dean. He/they. I think Sam is very comfortable with his manhood and is open about what he sees as manly but at the same time I feel like he is open to explore more things and I feel like he would be comfortable with other pronouns like they/them.

Cas.

With cas I really think it depends on the season.

Ace and they/them

I feel like this ^^ was very true in season 4 and everything before that(flashbacks) and maybe even a little bit into season 5. In that time he was an angel of the lord…a soldier.. and nothing more.he was unfamiliar with many human concepts and in my opinion that in my opinion that includes sexuality and gender.I don’t think he felt any sort of sexual attraction and doesn’t fall in to any gender that humans have.

Gay and he/him.

From a certain point I do think he started to feel attraction to people in a sexual way and I don’t know if it was only to men or both men and women but there many times that all kinds of women were hitting on him and he didn’t seem interested(maybe he didn’t get it at first but at some point he did because at some point he started to understand human behavior). And of course he was in love with Dean so….the reason I think after a while he started feeling comfortable with he/him pronouns is because he felt like a man he was in a mans body for a really long time and was even human at a point.

Jack.

they/them

Jack is 4 years old. Which means he is a child and is not aware of what society defines as masculine or feminine. Usually at that age kids are effected by their parents and by their pre-school or Kindergarten and the other kids they meet. Jack never had any of this and that is why I believe he doesn’t define himself as a man (he is literally not a man he is a child) yet but might change his pronouns and the why he thinks of himself in the future.

Angels .

ace-they/them

Basically for the same reason cas was this^^ in season 4 so are the rest of the angels.ofc after living with humans for a while that will probably change (it did for Gabriel and many others) but at the beginning (of time and/or the show) they don’t go by humans definitions or basic attraction. Also they lived for so long and have seen the many changes humans have gone through with what gender meant to them and with accepting different sexualities.

Crowley

gay

Pretty obvious. He kissed several men through out the show. He liked making homophobes feel uncomfortable. He definitely had a crush on demon!dean.and I’m sure there are many other reasons

#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #Crowley #lgbtq #my opinion #there are many more that I might add in the future #I wrote it all in thier show pronouns because technically that is canon #dean was always bi #sam is a moose #and also pan #destial

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luxshine · 3 years

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The Great Supernatural Rewatch Project - Salvation

I started writting this in the middle of season 13 but RL and work and some mental health issues made me take a step back from fandom in general and well, I was also fearing this would be an unending job since the series JUST.KEPT. GOING.

However, now that the series is done (And omg, what a clusterfuck that was. My tallies are going to go insane if I get there) and thus there’s an ending in sight, I will do my best to finish season 1, and try and get the rest of the seasons in a more timely manner. Say, before they do the inevitable reunion and ignore the last episode completely.

(I’m going to be honest, part of the problem was that Supernatural used to be SO good back then, and when I see the new episodes I weep a bit inside. I can’t believe they were so much better at creating story arcs when they weren’t TRYING to create story arcs)

Of course, now we all know that Dean’s plots in general will not have a happy ending no matter what, and that makes that particular tally bittersweet. But there are STILL people who claim that nope, Dean was never mistreated by the writers and well, Jack damn it, I am not going to let that claim go without bringing numbers to the table. Hopefully, it won’t take me 15 years to finish (Because by then, I would be the only one caring I guess)

In any case, last lap for Season 1 and we begin with Salvation.

General stuff

A specific reason for me having rage quitted this episode in particular for so long: For some stupid copyright thing with Netflix, they don’t have Carry On My Wayward Son as the song for the final recap –at least in Netflix Latam. And Supernatural without Carry On My Wayward Son is no Supernatural. So I had to hunt my DVDs. Then my computer DVD player died. Then I decided to make 5 webcomics at the same time. THEN I decided to start doing illustration works, and three other projects and let’s just say I am a bit of a workaholic and leave it like that as the rest is not SPN-related.

Ahem.

Funny thing about the Road so Far –you know, besides being a LOT shorter than the ones we’re getting now- is that it focuses a lot more on DEAN at the beginning, while if you watch the show, well, we know most of those Dean scenes come from MoW episodes and not the actual mytharc. Another interesting thing is that if one believes those things to be chronological, it makes it as if the Colt had been with the brothers for a lot longer than half an episode, and that Sam’s issue with the visions is not that recent. Edition Magic everyone! Also, omg, they were babies when the series started, and how WEIRD is to see John looking at them with pride and smiling at Dean at some points.

Anyway, the recap and the epicness that is Carry On my Wayward Son ends and we start the actual plot.

Hello Pastor Jim. Goodbye Pastor Jim. And here Supernatural begins the long, long tradition of killing characters who could’ve been useful later on, and more importantly, that could’ve been the boys’s support system later on. While here it’s understandable since we need to show how dangerous and vicious Meg is –ah, irony that in about 8 seasons people will be rooting for her Redemption- it also makes the Hunters kind of useless. I mean, he has all that weaponry and only uses a knife? Sigh. Really, a waste. Pastor Jim as a concept was really intriguing –and I don’t think we’ve heard of any other hunter who was also a priest. Funny, when we have so many demons free now. There’s also the fact that when Pastor Jim claims that she can’t be in the church because it’s hallowed ground, she replies that “That might work with the minor leagues, but not with her” and I wonder… did we ever got a demon that couldn’t enter a church? Because right now out of the top of my head I can’t remember, and yet Pastor Jim was surprised but later no one seems to think it weird there were signs of demonic activity around his body. Another sign that, as engaging as the series was, once we start digging the world building, things fall apart very quickly.

Actually, if I may digress for a bit, here we have the very first look at Supernatural´s second biggest problem: killing support characters that may have been useful lately. Here it is because Kirkpe had this weird idea that Hunting would never be glamorized by the show/fandom and it would be a completely miserable and lonely existence. He also didn’t think that the series would survive past season 2. So, ok, killing the guy we only knew by throw away lines didn’t seem so bad. By season 13 every single recurring character had died at least once –and there were petitions to bring back I think every one of those who haven’t come back- it’s a big problem.

As I restarted writing, I also realized that the mere existence of Pastor Jim and his room of awesome research and weapons creates a problem in the future about the Men of Letters because… ok, so ONE member of the clerigy knew enough about demons and stuff to be a hunter and have THE Hunter as his main contact (John Winchester was sort of a legend back then. And he had also fell out of contact with many others so the fact that he and Pastor Jim were still friendly? Kind of interesting), but what about the rest? Did the Vatican have any contact with the British men of Letters or the American ones? And if so, what the hell did they think when suddenly ALL the Men of Letters disappeared? Ok, so that’s a lot of stuff that doesn’t matter right now as it won’t actually exist until much, much, MUCH latter, but see what I mean when I say that they didn’t plan anything and the lack of a series bible hurts the show more than it helped it thrive? I am realizing right now I could write a whole treaty on the Men of Letters and their non-relationship with hunters ONLY using this cold beginning and the Henry Winchester episode.

But this is not the time for that, so we get our title card and a very, VERY young Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

We move to John who is explaining off camera everything he knows about Yellow Eye´s plan. We can tell it´s not much as he thinks it came out of hibernation and that the whole attacking families is part of a cycle, but back then it was impressive how much he had managed to find out about this demon. We also know that it attacks exactly when the baby in the house is six months old, which brings us to this little jewel:

JOHN It starts in Arizona, then New Jersey, California. Houses burned down to the ground. It's going after families, just like it went after us.

SAM Families with infants?

JOHN Yeah. The night of the kid's six-month birthday.

SAM I was six months old that night?

JOHN Exactly six months.

SAM So basically, this demon is going after these kids for some reason. The same way it came for me? So Mom's death...Jessica. It's all because of me?

DEAN We don't know that Sam.

SAM Oh really? Cause I'd say we're pretty damn sure Dean.

DEAN For the last time, what happened to them was not your fault.

SAM Right. It's not my fault but it's my problem.

DEAN No it's not your problem it's our problem!

Now, in the following seasons we will know that yes, it was ALL about Sam. But right now, the characters and the viewers don´t know that. We know that a lot of families were killed by the demon (That at this point was still “The demon” and wouldn´t become Azazael until later), and that he doesn´t take the children. So… how did Sam leap from “this demon attacks families with 6 month old children” to “It´s all about ME!”? He even ignores that Dean and John lost Mary for his last line, when he decides it´s his problem and not their problem. Also, and this is important for the “Dean is the most awful person to Sam” crowd… Dean immediately tells Sam that no, it´s not his fault. While he could harbor some ill feelings against Sam –and demon Dean, 8 seasons later, will voice them- at this point he is 100% on Sam´s side. There’s also a sideway glance from John to DEAN when Sam claims that everything is about him, and then I wonder exactly why, if John knew all about the fact that the demon chased six month old children specifically, he never resented Sam over it. One would think that given John’s love for Mary and deep desire to revenge, Sam would really be the outcast and the one only treated like a soldier (as he claims he was, but not really as we’ve seen), instead of Dean who was completely blameless in the whole thing.

(Also, this is the first time we see that Azazael´s plan didn´t make much sense IF we believed that Kirkpe had everything planned. But that´s a discussion for another time)

Anyway, John interrupts the argument to explain that while he has no idea what the demon is after (Another thing that later would be contradicted as he knew Sam had powers), but that he has managed to figure out his pattern of attack to the point that it even repeated it for Jessica’s killing (Even if much, much later, we’ll learn that it wasn’t Azazael the one who killed her, and Demons would completely forego the signs when attacking. Have I mentioned I miss the times when the myths made sense?) and the three of them pack up for their first real hunt together as they decide they will save the next baby on the demon’s list, in a town named Salvation.

Important thing to note: when John recites the demon signs, Dean immediately replies “that happened in Lawerence”. He remembers, quite clearly, what happened a week before his mother died even if logistically, at his age? He wouldn’t care nor notice. Sure, he remembers his mom’s death because that was traumatic. But random cow deaths before that? Weird show.

If Sam noticed or not the signs before Jessica died, we don’t know. John is the one who points out they happened.

After two gorgeous road shots where we see John’s truck being followed by Baby (yet another thing we lost, John’s truck. I know we needed to have the guys together all the time, but man, if Sam had inherited it, they would’ve been able to cover more terrain at times, have double the arsenal and maybe not being identified by everyone and their leviathan in season 7, but I digress), and just entering Salvation John stops, obviously spooked by something. As Dean stops behind him, they find out that Pastor Jim is dead, and John got a call from another hunter named Caleb to tell him. They assume it may be the demon they’re chasing, or maybe another demon that was looking for Pastor Jim specifically but that last theory is not very probable.

Here I have to pause to applaud Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s acting, as you can practically FEEL John’s despair at knowing an old friend of him died, and that HE was probably the cause for that death. A Winchester trait, of course, blaming themselves for everything bad that happens in their world, but unlike Sam’s early outburst, here it seems far more desperate. Of course, JDM had a lot more experience than Jared at that point, but I really wanted to make a note of it because we lost a LOT of that characterization for John, where he actually WORRIED about people and not just the hunt. Even as he decides the plan for finding out what baby the demon will take in a week, we can see him broken and confused. So much that while Sam calls him “sir” when receiving orders, Dean continues the conversation by calling him “Dad”.

John then declares that this ends now, obviously feeling responsible for what happened to his friend. A long shot from the flanderized man we’d hear about in future seasons who was infamous for letting his hunting partners die without so much as a second glance.

Also, and not to be mean to the writers, but in their endless accidentally making Sam unsympathetic, they made him say that there were too many children in the county that could be a victim and that it would take forever to check all of them. While I KNOW the intent was to make clear that they had a deadline of one week, it comes out weirdly as “I don’t want to do the footwork.” Seriously, writers should be careful with that.

Actually, let’s dissect that. Because I just thought of two ways they could’ve fixed it AND give us more info.

JOHN Now we act like every second counts. There's two hospitals and a health centre in this county. We split up, cover more ground. I want records. I want a list of every infant that's going to be six months old in the next week.

SAM Dad that could be dozens of kids. How do we know which one's the right one?

JOHN We check em all that's how. You got any better ideas?

SAM No sir.

So, first way to make Sam not look that bad: Give the line to Dean. I wouldn’t like it specially, but hey, he’s the sidekick, not the hero, and so far he has only wanted to bail on ONE hunt because he wasn’t sure it was a supernatural hunt so he’d be better standing than Sam in that regard.

Second way: Make Sam say that YES, he has a better idea. Because the brothers ALREADY faced Max, so he could say they could look for a baby that was a bit “strange”, like, with poltergeist stuff going around. John could not believe him, but at least Sam would be being proactive.

In any case, they separate as John planned and we see each of them get into the hospital records. We get a glimpse of John’s collection of fake IDs, that include one for a Morgue forensic doctor, then Sam getting a homely nurse giving him files and him taking notes, and Dean… getting flirty with a very hot nurse.

And I make a point of the “Oh, look, Dean is an irresponsible womanizer” trope because once again the writers shoot themselves in the foot by showing the opposite of what they were telling (And no, this time I can’t blame it on Jensen’s acting and refusal to look at his female co-stars without respect).

WOMAN Hi. Is there anything I can do for you?

DEAN (smiling) Oh God yes.

She smiles and looks down.

DEAN (Holding up his ID) Only I'm uh....working right now, so...

The writers here make us remember that a) Dean is AMAZINGLY charismatic, as the woman IS flattered and seems interested, and b) That he will NOT dump his work for a quickie. We don’t even get a “maybe later” that could make him look as if he was really into her. It’s just that he flirts naturally, or at least, this is what we can infer now, as so far he hasn’t had any one night stand fling. The one time we saw him have a sexual encounter in the middle of a hunt was with an ex-girlfriend.

And again I have to wonder what was Sera Gamble’s intention with those scenes as yes, this was written by the same team as Faith, another episode where Sam’s good intentions tend to have a darker side, and gave Dean some amazingly cool scenes.

We don’t know what Dean says to the woman, as we cut back to Sam, coming out of the hospital just in time to have a very convenient vision of a woman, a nursery and a fire. Thankfully, the vision also comes with the useful audio hint of a train passing by, so Sam gets out his map and starts checking where that could be, which leads him to the house in his vision.

And by this point, we know we’re in the right track and this is an important Myth Arc episode, because Sam only has multiple visions in Myth Arc episodes, and he has one the moment he steps in front of the house in said vision. The gods of convenience smile upon him as right then and there a woman pushing a pram comes by, and he manages to talk to her, all friendly like by pretending to having just moved. Then Sam learns the woman’s name is Monica, her baby is Rosie, and Rosie is just six months old, exactly to the day.

Also, that she’s a very quiet baby and that it sometimes seems as if she was reading your mind. Oh, and that Monica really is blind to suspicious men asking her about her family with a face that reads “Oh shit, this is bad”.

Now, HERE is where the whole “five year myth arc” story falls completely. I mean, we already knew it was pretty unlikely it was real, given Kirkpe’s original interviews, but the mere existence of Rosie contradicts every single future story beat. Because if SHE has powers before Azazael goes into her house, then it means that the babies he was hunting didn’t get powers because of him, just that his blood either connected them (hence Sam’s very specific visions), made said powers far more powerful (quite likely), or made them a little bit more prone to violence/prideful behavior. All of those possibilities match with the plan of “raising” a new King or Queen of Hell, that would be faithful to Azazael, but are a bit iffy on the “finding Lucifer’s vessel” thing. Especially since we later learn that the Angels were also helping, and all Hell knew that Lucifer’s vessel HAD to come from the Winchester/Campbell bloodline due to Cain and Abel being the roots of said bloodline, and later pretty much everyone knew Sam was Lucifer’s vessel so the whole targeting a ton of kids, in particular after Mary’s death, is kinda weird.

Oh, Lux, you will say, it is because he wanted to hide his true intentions! No one knew that Sam had been feed demon blood!

Except that the important parties, namely Heaven and Hell, did. Michael had Heaven convinced of his orders, so even if a rogue angel found out that they were speed running the Apocalypse, said angel could be killed. And any demon who was against getting Lucifer back on top would be smart enough to keep quiet so, why the secrecy?

And again, ok, I buy the original demon blood kids being important to “hide” Lucifer’s vessel but… Rosie? What good would it do to Azazael’s plan to have a psychic 4 year old when Lucifer rose? Was “little four year old girl” a good match against a grown up hunter? What was Azazel thinking, if that was the plan all the time?

Now, I want to make clear this doesn’t make THIS episode or the Season-myth arc bad. This original “Boy King of Hell” storyline WAS good. It had a lot of potential, made sense for Sam and since it was before the days of the eternal “What is wrong with Sam?” seasons, there was no boredom of a repeat. It also set a very good question of what made a monster a monster, which would be explored a bit more in Season 2. And it was long before we realized Dean having a myth arc was a pipe dream, so there was no issue there either. It made sense.

But the fact that the writers kind of forgot about everything I just pointed out with Rosie’s scene to try and weld this to the “Heaven vs. Hell” storyline in season 4, and then just promptly forgot because Sam’s powers were then firmly connected to Azazael’s blood so they never came up again and even worse, we never find another psychic kid that could’ve been feed blood by Azazael THIS year that John was chasing him? (Since we know there were no other survivors from Sam’s generation, and later we have a scene that proves that there were no previous generations to Sam’s), it's kind of weird. Personally, I dunno about you, but maybe a return to this storyline in season 6 would’ve been a lot better than we got. Maybe.

By the way, I am not counting the Boy King of Hell story arc as a dropped plot for Sam yet, as we’re going to keep with this at least until season 3. Yes, now we know it didn’t go anywhere, but at the time, and for these episodes in particular, it was THE myth arc of Supernatural. So it can’t be counted as dropped plot yet.

In any case, Sam goes and tells John and Dean about his vision and… oh, boy do we have to move John’s reaction to Emotional Violence.

It’s not good.

But before he can do more damage to Dean’s psyche, Sam gets a call from our favorite demon, Meg. Even if he doesn’t recognize her voice immediately which is weird because a) he did throw her off a window and one would think that makes a girl memorable, and b) it’s not as he knows that many girls who would call him, despite Dean’s best efforts to get him a new girl.

Meg dismisses Sam and asks for John. She makes clear that she is not playing, that she knows he has the Colt and that he will kill every single person who has ever helped John unless he gives it to her that same day at midnight. And to the brothers’ surprise, John accepts those terms (Unfortunately not before we loss Caleb too. I have a lot less interest in Caleb as a character given that he has exactly half a line in the whole show, but it’s still it’s sad to see a guy so defiant even in the face of death go so soon).

Meg also points out that John having the Colt is a “declaration of war” which is interesting as it sort of implies that if he hadn’t gotten it, then the demons would leave him and the brothers alone. And I find that incredibly funny since… no they won’t. And Azazael would’ve been ok if Sam kept the gun anyway, given why they really wanted and once again I am putting holes on the idea that this was planned from the start, aren’t I?

In any case, John declares that Meg is a demon “or is possessed by one” which… ok? First and only time we get the possibility of a demon not using a meat suit. I don’t think this is a mistake, because after all, this is back before the guys faced demons in a normal basis so they could believe that they had their own bodies besides the ones they possessed (And, more importantly, before there was a retcon that made the brothers face and know about demons since pretty much ever). To be completely fair, as much as I love Jimmy and the whole Lucifer arc once it started to make sense… I would’ve been ok if vessels weren’t needed. It added a lot of complications and ended up making the brothers actual serial killers.

Ahem.

After that little gem of wisdom that will be ignored forever, John declares that he will be taking the gun to Meg to avoid more killing and we get another questionable line for Sam. And I am curious as to how to tally it as it’s the opposite of him wanting to leave the hunt, but it’s not that nice either:

DEAN What do we do?

JOHN I'm going to Lincoln. DEAN What? JOHN It doesn't look lilke we have a choice. If I don't go, a lot of people die, our friends die.

SAM Dad, the demon is coming tonight. For Monica and her family. That gun is all we got, you can't just hand it over.

I mean, yes, it is true that the demon is coming for Monica (Well, actually, he’s coming for Rosie, the baby, but I will let that slip pass. Sam is not interested in married ladies), and that with the gun they can kill the demon but it’s not all they’ve got. By this time, Sam has already had his big hero moment when he exorcised a plane in free fall so they could do that, then chase the demon again and then kill it.

But what is jarring is how he hears “a lot of people die, OUR FRIENDS die” and he goes “yeah, whatever, we have a mission to fulfill”.

Which is precisely what later episodes will tell us John used to do, and was the reason why John was not exactly liked by the general hunter population. And at the same time, it’s an eerie reminder of Wendigo, where Sam is willing to let innocents die (his family friends, in this particular case, just as he heard Caleb choke on his own blood) in order to get his way (revenge on the demon that killed Jess. NOT revenge on the demon that killed his mom, since at this point, Sam is still on the “I never knew that woman” train of thought).

Sure, his mind is in the hunt, and that’s commendable because yes, in the long run, killing Azazael would save more innocents (And probably stop the Apocalypse, not that Sam or the writers at that time know it), but it is still strange to see our nominal hero simply not care for his friends’ lives. I mean, at this point WE don’t know about Bobby, so the closest to a parental figure that is not John that Sam had was Pastor Jim and he just DIED.

Worst part is, this could be solved really easy: Just have DEAN be the one who voices the complaint, and have “empathic” Sam mumble that there has to be a way to save everyone (Which, of course, John will mention in a second). It would make Dean look bad, sure, but we’ve been told once and again that Dean never, EVER goes against John plans. Which… not true, ut we will talk about that later. The scene continues, and John declares that he will go to Meg alone, with a fake Colt and while Dean thinks that that won’t work, Sam has a different complaint:

DEAN Yeah but for how long? What happens when she figures it out?

JOHN I just...I just need to buy a few hours, that's all.

SAM You mean for Dean and me. You want us to stay here, and kill this demon by ourselves?

JOHN No Sam. I want to stop losing people we love. I want you to go to school, I want Dean to have a home. I want....I want Mary alive. It's just....I just want this to be over.

And oh, boy. Do this four lines again hold so much weight.

First, once again, Dean seems to be worried for John (logically, he’s their dad), while Sam is making the weirdest line in the universe sort of work because he’s complaining that John is trusting them to kill the demon, something HE wants to do and not four seconds ago was saying they had to do, as if it was John shifting HIS job to Sam. Seriously, I don’t want to think the worst of Sam but when you take out Jared’s acting, the text doesn’t do the younger Winchester’s any favors.

And finally… John’s lines that encompass pretty much Dean’s philosophy in the following seasons. “I want to stop losing people we love” is pretty telling, but what comes next? He actually WANTS Sam to go back to college and not worry about the Supernatural. He actively agrees that Dean doesn’t have a home, and WANTS Dean to have one. It’s as close as love as we’ll see from John to Dean in Season 1, and it hurts. It hurts because we can tell he knows he won’t be there to see it… and now, in hindsight with the finale having aired, we also know Dean didn’t get that. (And to be fair, this is the John who did deserve Heaven. Not the flanderized version we’d get in the future)

Although, ironically, Mary got to be alive again, so… One out of three?

(No, seriously, it’s obvious the writers didn’t even remember this speech when Season 12 hit, much less Season 15)

Ahem.

Dean is sent to get a fake Colt, while Sam and John wait for him. If they talked about anything, we don’t know, but when they exchange guns, Dean voices what we all know is true:

DEAN You know this is a trap don't you. That's why Meg wants you to come alone?

JOHN I can handle her. I got a whole arsenal loaded. Holy water, Mandaic, amulets...

DEAN Dad... JOHN What? DEAN Promise me something. JOHN What's that. DEAN This thing goes south just...get the hell out. Don't get yourself killed all right, you're no good to us dead. JOHN Same goes for you. (There is a long pause) All right listen to me. They made the bullets special for this colt. There's only four of them left. Without them this gun is useless. You make every shot count.

SAM Yes sir.

JOHN Been waiting a long time for this fight. Now it's here I'm not gonna be in it. It's up to you boys now. It's your fight, you finish this. You finish what I started. Understand?

Again, I wish they remembered all they had to get rid of demons before, you know, killing everyone willy-nilly. I mean, I don’t even think I know what Mandalac IS but hey, John says it works, it works. And once more, Dean gets a line that makes clear he is the empathic, loving brother, when it wouldn’t have hurt Sam to say it. In fact, it would make clear that no matter what, he doesn’t hate John. But nope, Sam only acts like the soldier we’re TOLD Dean is, while Dean makes clear that for him, family is more important than revenge (And boy will that come to bite him in the ass later, not in the series, but in this same episode).

Also, I have to admit. When I started this rewatch, John’s final line was just a good moment for John to start letting go of his anger. Now? After that horrid finale? It hurts so, so much. But it hurts more because I KNOW that there’s no way it was intentional. Obviously, Kirkpe didn’t know the series would last 15 years, and I highly doubt Dabb remembered this scene when writing 15x20. But even so, it ends up being Dean’s epitaph. OUCH.

In any case, the Winchester separate again, and we go into act three. Get ready for the feels.

John Winchester hunting alone is a thing of beauty. Seeing him scope the place, check the water tank and immediately think of a plan? Makes me wish Jeffrey Dean Morgan had stayed longer on the show. Sure, John became an asshole, but in this episode he’s still not that bad, we still have no episodes that make clear he didn’t care for Dean, and wasn’t textually abusive. And I am willing to bet that if JDM had stayed, John would’ve evolved more to be a Bobby-like character. But well, What ifs is not why you came to this meta for.

As John is hunting, the brothers are staking out the house were they know Azazael will attack. And while they talk and decide that they have no way to get the family out (In a nice callback to how none of their excuses ever work) we get to this little gem of an exchange:

SAM I wonder how Dad's doing.

DEAN I'd feel a lot better if we were there backing him up.

SAM I'd feel a lot better if he were here backing us up.

Where once again we see where the brother’s priorities lie, and I wonder why the hell the writers ever thought they were writing Sam as an empathic character.

Because yes, Dean is wishing he could be out there helping his Dad, proving that for him, it has always been about the family. Not the hunting, but the protecting. But Sam doesn’t want to protect John. He wants John protecting Them. And helping them in the revenge hunt, not trying to save others.

Sure, we know the brothers are there to save an innocent mother, but John is also saving a ton of hunters and people who, in the past, were nice and open to the family. And it would’ve been so much easier to make Sam look better if he instead had said “I’d feel a lot better if we hadn’t had to separate” or something like that, that proved he saw BOTH missions were important.

Seriously, I do wonder why the writers made these choices, and I wish someone had asked this at cons.

We go back to John, who, really, Is an amazing hunter even if he is a horrible father. Also, I wonder if he got ordained at a web church, in order to be able to sanctify water. That would be such a John Winchester thing to do, and I do wonder why the boys never did it too. ANYWAY, he hands the gun to Meg, and to her ally that came so that we could have a scene to prove the Colt is fake as the ally shoots Meg.

As John says, Meg was lucky the gun was fake. And once again, I do wonder what the plan was if it WAS the Colt. I mean, Meg was Azazael’s second in command. Why would nameless demon risk killing her? Or did he kinow the gun was fake?

In any case, this makes the moment where we can be 100% sure that Meg’s meat suit 1.0 was dead. I mean, she could’ve survived the fall in Shadow, but a bullet to the chest? No way.

We go back to the brothers, and Sam breaks every single law of a procedural show by giving this great speech about how thankful he is to Dean for everything, and how he needs to say that “in case” something happened.

Dean is definitely not impressed and reminds him that the only one dying today is Azazael.

As we see John temporarily escape from Meg and her muscle boy, we go back to the brothers who see the demon omens start up so they get ready for the final fight.

The brothers manage to save Monica and her baby, despite the very understandable interference from Hubbard, the husband (I mean, you would not react nicely to two strangers intruding in your house and yelling to your wife to not go into the nursery room), however, before Sam can shoot Azazel, he disappears into smoke (A really interesting question here is, WHY did Sam wait to shoot and then wasted a bullet, but I digress).

Going completely against M.O, Azazael makes the CRIB burst into flames, but fortunately Dean has already gotten Rosie out of it so the brothers escape the flaming house. While Monica cries her thanks, Sam notices that Azazael is still inside, and tries to go after him, but Dean stops him because he is not going to lose his brother to the fire. By the way, I am not counting “Dean stopping Sam from going into a burning building” as “Dean forcing Sam to do something” since, uh, he was saving Sam’s life and it’s something anyone in Dean’s place would’ve done.

At the same time, we see John getting captured by Meg and her muscle boy because he didn’t think about getting a third escape route (But honestly? That was pretty much a plot necessity. John was HEAVILY prepared for that fight)

Back in the hotel, Dean is worried that John is not answering his calls, while Sam is furious that Dean didn’t let him kill himself by running into a burning house. They have a nasty fight that mirrors the one they had back in the pilot, but since it IS a fight between the brothers, you know the drill. We’re examining it under Violence.

Once Sam calms down, he tells Dean to try calling John again. Unfortunately, it’s Meg who answers and she tells Dean that they’re never seeing their dad again.

And we get the first “To be continued” for the series (Which to be honest, despite all the little continuity mistakes I mentioned here? Is still pretty epic)

Violence

Well, we had to run out of episodes where the brothers don’t fight each other at some point, didn’t we?

This fight, over Sam wanting to kill himself in his search for revenge, is a very neat parallel to the fight they had back in the Pilot, over Sam NOT wanting to even involve himself in the family’s search for revenge. Which I know it’s supposed to be ironic and a show of character growth since now Dean is the one saying that revenge is not worth their lives but… it falls a little bit flat because the reason why Sam is so gung-ho in killing Azazael is, once again, a very selfish one and the way in he expresses it makes it quite clear. (Again, I do wonder if the writers stopped to think about the implications of Sam only getting really into hunting when it was about him or his losses?)

But let’s start at the beginning:

SAM If you had just let me go in there, I coulda ended all this.

DEAN Sam, the only thing you would have ended was your life.

SAM You don't know that.

DEAN So what, you're just willing to sacrifice yourself, is that it?

SAM Yeah. Yeah you're damn right I am.

DEAN Well that's not going to happen, not as long as I'm around.

This right here? Is a nice summary of the relationship of the brothers for the whole series. Sam wants to do something stupid, like, say, running into a burning building, Dean is there to stop him before he hurts himself.

Also, let’s make clear the use of first person by Sam. It’s not “We coulda ended this”, as in the family ending the hunt, but “I coulda ended this”. Again, at this point, not something that is a problem, but considering hindsight, we can see how the writers are completely invested in SAM as a sole main character, and write him as such, while Dean is more of the sidekick.

In any case, the argument continues, still not escalating to violence.

SAM What the hell are you talking about Dean, we've been searching for this demon our whole lives. It's the only thing we've ever cared about.

DEAN Sam I wanna waste it. I do. Okay? But it's not worth dying over.

SAM What?

DEAN I mean it. If hunting this demon means getting yourself killed then I hope we never find the damn thing.

Important thing how Sam apparently forgot he left for four (two) years and wanted out of the family business, now that he is angry and into the revenge thing. It’s not “You’ve been searching for this demon your whole life”, which would’ve been correct AND a logical counterargument against Dean. Before this episode, Sam was supposedly the brother who understood that revenge was a way of living, while Dean is the one who was Daddy’s little soldier. But here, when it actually would matter to the narrative, it is as if Sam’s wishes for a normal life are completely forgotten and it’s Dean the one who understands that there’s more to living than revenge (Which, btw, is consistent through the season despite everyone claiming that Dean needs Sam to keep hunting. All season, Dean has been giving Sam outs, telling him it’s ok to quit)

And of course, Dean here proves that Sam is more important to him than revenge for his mother, as he is willing to never get to kill the demon as long as his family, his brother in particular, survives.

Poor Dean.

SAM That thing killed Jess. That thing killed Mom.

DEAN You said yourself once, that no matter what we do, they're gone, and they're never coming back.

SAM Don't you say that, not you! Not after all this don't you say that.

DEAN Sam look. The three of us...that's all we have...and it's all I have. Sometimes I feel like I'm barely holding it together man...and without you or Dad....

Unfortunately, script doesn’t quiet convey the scene as there’s a LONG pause between “That thing killed Jess” and “That thing killed Mom”. Enough so that we can believe that Sam is using that second phrase not because he cares (in the Pilot he made clear he didn’t), but to make Dean get on board with the whole “I can kill myself if it means getting revenge” plan. In other words, once again, Sam is weaponizing Mary against Dean, and that is a really nasty habit the younger Winchester never quite shakes out of. Instead, Dean shows how he LISTENED to Sam back in the Pilot and repeats Sam’s words to him on the bridge.

Which is when Sam loses it and pushes Dean against a wall, Dean not defending himself at all, and yells that Dean has no right to say what Sam told Dean the very first hunt they had together after years of separation.

And of course, once Dean mentions their father, Sam starts calming down. NOT when Dean says that he’s barely holding it together, or that he only has them. Just when he mentions their father who is, in Sam’s mind, the one who can help him get revenge.

The fight ends, but Sam never once apologizes for what he said to Dean, nor for the fight. Which, by the way, contradicts his claim that Dean “always has his back”.

Emotional Violence

Whenever we have John on an episode, we’re going to have to talk about emotional violence and I kind of hate that because on one hand, I get how John could’ve been a very tragic figure that loved his sons but still wanted to avenge his wife, and not being the abusive bastard we know and don’t love that much.

When Sam and Dean explain about Sam’s visions, and how they started as nightmares but have grown in intensity, his reaction is quite subdued, but clear. He is not happy, but the problem isn’t the visions –for a man obsessed with the supernatural, his outward reaction to his younger son being a psychic is quite calm- but that they didn’t inform him of what was going on:

JOHN All right. When were you going to tell me about this?

DEAN We didn't know what it meant.

JOHN All right, something like this starts happening to your brother, you pick up the phone and you call me.

DEAN dumps the coffee jug and cup back on the counter and strides toward JOHN.

DEAN Call you? Are you kidding me? Dad I called you from Lawrence all right? Sam called you when I was dying. I mean, getting you on the phone? I got a better chance of winning the lottery.

JOHN You're right. Although I'm not too crazy about this new tone of yours, you're right. I'm sorry.

And let’s be clear, John’s anger is not directed at Sam, it’s directed at Dean. “Something like this starts happening to your brother” is not “Something like this starts happening to either of you”. Which is also a show of how good an actor JOHN is in universe because WE know that he knew. Missouri TOLD him point blank that Sam was powerful and that he could have known that John was around during the Home episode. But here, he acts as if this was news to him when he could ALSO have told them what to expect if that happened. (Mind you, I am assuming that Sera Gamble knew or remembered about Home’s script when writing this and didn’t just forget or was unaware that John was supposed to know)

Now, all season, Sam has been complaining and yelling about how John doesn’t answer their calls, doesn’t seem to care what’s going on with them. So it’d be logical and in character for Sam to say something here. But instead is DEAN, Dad’s little soldier, the one we’ve SEEN obeying John without question finally have enough and talk back to his father with some truths. And it’s VERY interesting that his first complain is not that John didn’t care that Dean almost died, but that he didn’t reply when Dean called from Lawrence. One could almost infer that Dean expected John not to care if Dean died, but was honestly hurt that he didn’t care about a case that could’ve involved MARY.

John, surprisingly, sort of agrees. He does say “I’m sorry”, which makes him the Winchester who is quicker to say those words… but he still manages to make a threat against Dean “I am not too crazy about this NEW tone of yours”.

Making it clear that before? Dean never talked back. And John doesn’t like it when his soldiers talk back.

It makes it hard to believe John ever thought of Dean as his son and makes it very clear why Dean never understood Sam’s confidence that Dean was the favored one.

Speeches and Apologies

I considered not including this particular speech, but then I remembered that Supernatural is ALSO famous for their big emotional speeches, and this is Sam’s first, and also, Dean’s first time listening to someone he cares about give him the “I am saying goodbye because I am going kamikaze” speech and after all the drama in season 15, I guess it’s necessary to do some dissection.

It is important that despite all the things that Sam has done to Dean, the words “I’m sorry” are never uttered here.

SAM Dean...ah...I wanna thank you. DEAN For what? SAM For everything. You've always had my back you know? Even when I couldn't count on anyone I could always count on you. And ah...I don't know I just wanted to let you know, Just in case DEAN Whoa whoa whoa, are you kidding me? SAM What? DEAN Don't say just in case something happens to you. I don't wanna hear that freaking speech man. Nobody's dying tonight. Not us, not that family, nobody. Except that demon. That evil son of a bitch ain't getting any older than tonight, you understand me?

This is not a bad “freaking speech”. I understand why Dean didn’t want to hear it, because it is like jinxing the mission (And, let’s be honest, it did), but it’s not a bad speech.

Except that, reading it again, it lacks one important part. Sure, Sam thanks Dean for always being there (Forgetting that, at least three times this season alone, he has accused Dean of not having his back and being unreliable. Which will ALSO be a constant theme in the series’s long run), but he never mentions the times HE did things that would be hard to back up. Which, again, I am not counting as a bad thing against him in this precise moment in time, since he is young, in his roaring roadtrip of revenge, and we’ve only know the brothers for a year, but it is the beginning of a series’ long crutch to make us forgive all of Sam’s sins without him actually doing the work to be forgiven.

On the other hand, it all goes to waste a bit later when Sam starts hitting Dean for the horrible sin of not letting him run into a burning building and kill himself so… it’s not really a “thank you for having my back” speech but a “You better remember, you never fight me and my choices are the best” speech in hindsight. Which… not good on Sam, no.

Double narrative standards

This episode is kind of balanced, except for that little moment where we’re supposed to think Dean is wrong for telling Sam that revenge is not worth their lives. So there’s not much to write in this particular segment.

Final Tally

Ok, back in the saddle. And after all that, I decided not to tally Sam’s little slip about not caring if their loved ones die as long as he gets to kill Azazael. Let me know if you disagree.

The count is still not good on Sam’s side, but as always, you are free to disagree with me, and dm me if you think I missed a tally or I should change one. If your argument is solid and canon based, I will listen to it and may change the numbers.

Numbers (or the TL;DR summary)

(Episode/Total so far)

Times Dean has lied to Sam or to a loved one: 0 / 0

Times Sam has lied to Dean or to a loved one: 0 / 3

Times Dean has been caught in a lie: 0 / 0

Times Sam has been caught in a lie: 0 / 1

Times Dean has hit Sam in anger: 0 / 1

Times Sam has hit Dean in anger: 1 / 4

Times Dean's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 0

Times Sam's lies or secrets have caused someone's death: 0 / 1

Times Dean has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 0

Times Sam has abandoned (Or wanted to abandon) a hunt in the middle for his own needs: 0 / 7

Times Dean forced Sam to do something: 0 / 0

Times Sam forced Dean to do something: 0 / 7

Secrets kept by Dean: 0 / 1

Secrets kept by Sam: 0 / 2

Times Dean has blamed Sam for something: 0 / 0

Times Sam has blamed Dean for something: 1 / 4

Times Dean has apologized with words to Sam: 0 / 3

Times Sam has apologized with words to Dean: 0 / 2

Times Dean has respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 7

Times Sam has respected Dean's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Dean hasn't respected Sam's boundaries and/or rules: 0 / 0

Times Sam hasn't respected Dean's boundaries and / or rules: 0 / 13

Times Dean has made fun of something Sam does or has: 0 / 6

Times Sam has made fun of something Dean does or has: 0 / 31

Times we focus on Dean's needs: 0 / 1

Times we focus on Sam's needs: 1 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Sam: 1 / 7

Filler episodes dedicated to Sam: 0 / 6

Arc episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 0

Filler episodes dedicated to Dean: 0 / 4

Arc episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Filler episodes dedicated to both brothers (or to none): 0 / 2

Dean's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 1

Sam's Dropped Plotlines: 0 / 2

#Supernatural rewatch project #Salvation #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #not very Sam positive #John Winchester #Season 1 #Season 1 episode 20 #SPN #Supernatural meta

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crowdvscritic · 3 years

Text

round up // JULY 21

‘Tis the season to beat the heat at the always-cold theatres and next to fans set at turbo speed. While my movie watching slowed a bit with the launch of the Summer Olympics on July 23rd, I’ve still got plenty of popcorn-ready and artsy recommendations for you. A few themes in the new-to-me pop culture I’m recommending this month:

Casts oozing with embarrassing levels of talent (sometimes overqualified for the movies they’re in)

Pop culture that is responding or reinterpreting past pop culture

Stories that get weEeEeird

Keep on-a-scrollin’ to see which is which!

July Crowd-Pleasers

1. Double Feature – ‘90s Rom-Coms feat. Lots of Lies: Mystery Date (1991) + The Pallbearer (1996)

In Mystery Date (Crowd: 7.5/10 // Critic: 6/10), Ethan Hawke and Teri Polo get set up on a blind date that gets so bizarre and crime-y I’m not sure how this didn’t come out in the ‘80s. In The Pallbearer (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), David Schwimmer and Gwyneth Paltrow try to combine The Graduate with Four Weddings and a Funeral in a story about lost twentysomethings. If you don’t like rom-coms in which circumstances depend on lots of lies and misunderstandings, these won’t be your jam, but if you’re like me and don’t mind these somewhat-cliché devices, you’ll be hooked by likeable casts and plenty of rom and com.

2. The Tomorrow War (2021)

I thought of no fewer movies than this list while watching: Alien, Aliens, Angel Has Fallen, Cloverfield, Interstellar, Kong: Skull Island, Prometheus, A Quiet Place: Part II, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back, Star Wars: The Revenge of the Sith, The Silence of the Lambs, The Terminator, Terminator 2: Judgment Day, and World War Z. And you know what? I like all those movies! (Okay, maybe I just have a healthy respect/fear of The Silence of the Lambs.) The Tomorrow War may not be original, but it borrows some of the best tropes and beats from the sci-fi and action genres, so much so I wish I could’ve seen Chris Pratt and Co. fight those gross monsters on a big screen. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 6/10

3. Dream a Little Dream (1989)

My July pick for the Dumb Rom-Com I Nevertheless Enjoyed! I CANNOT explain the mechanics of this body switch comedy to you—nor can the back of the DVD case above—but, boy, what an ‘80s MOOD. I did not know I needed to see a choreographed dance routine starring Jason Robards and Corey Feldman, but I DID. All I know is some movies are made for me and that I’m now a card-carrying member of the Two Coreys fan club. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 6.5/10

4. Black Widow (2021)

The braids! The Pugh! Black Widow worked for me both as an exciting action adventure and as a respite from the Marvel adventures dependent on a long memory of the franchise. (Well, mostly—keep reading for a second MCU rec much more dependent on the gobs of previous releases.) Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7.5/10

5. Liar Liar (1997)

Guys, Jim Carrey is hilarious. That’s it—that’s the review. Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 7/10

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6. Sob Rock by John Mayer (2021)

It’s very possible I’ve already listened to this record more than all other John Mayer records. It doesn’t surpass the capital-G Greatness of Continuum, but it’s a little bit of old school Mayer, a little bit ‘80s soft rock/pop, and I’ve had it on repeat most of the two weeks since it’s been out. Featuring the boppiest bop that ever bopped, at least one lyrical gem in every track, and an ad campaign focused on Walkmans, this record skirts the line between Crowd faves and Critic-worthy musicianship.

7. Double Feature – ‘00s Ben Affleck Political Thrillers: The Sum of All Fears (2002) + State of Play (2009)

In The Sum of All Fears (Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), Ben Affleck is Jack Ryan caught up in yet another international incident. In State of Play (Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10), he’s a hotshot Congressman caught up in a scandal. Both are full of plot twists and unexpected turns, and in both, Affleck is accompanied by actors you’re always happy to see, like Jason Bateman, James Cromwell, Russell Crowe, Jeff Daniels, Viola Davis, Morgan Freeman, Philip Baker Hall, David Harbour, Rachel McAdams, Helen Mirren, Liev Schreiber, and Robin Wright—yes, I swear all of those people are in just those two movies.

8. Loki (2021-)

Unlike Black Widow, you can’t go into Loki with no MCU experience. The show finds clever ways to nudge us with reminders (and did better at it than Falcon and the Winter Soldier), but be forewarned that at some point, you’re just going to have to let go and accept wherever this timeline-hopper is taking you. An ever-charismatic cast keeps us grounded (Owen Wilson, Jonathan Majors, and an alligator almost steal the show from Tom Hiddleston in some eps), but while Falcon lasted an episode or two too long, Loki could’ve used a few more to flesh out its complicated plot and develop its characters. Thankfully, the jokes matter almost as much as the sci-fi, so you can still have fun even if you have no idea what’s going on.

9. Double Feature – Bruce Willis: Die Hard With a Vengeance (1995) + The Whole Nine Yards (2000)

Before Bruce Willis began starring in many random direct-to-DVD movies I only ever hear about in my Redbox emails, he was a Movie Star smirking his way up the box office charts. In the third Die Hard (Crowd: 10/10 // Critic: 7.5/10), he teams up with Samuel L. Jackson to decipher the riddles of a terrorist madman (Jeremy Irons), and it’s a thrill ride. In The Whole Nine Yards (Crowd: 9/10 // Critic: 8/10), he’s hitman that screws up dentist Matthew Perry’s boring life in Canada, and—aside from one frustrating scene of let’s-objectify-women-style nudity—it’s hilarious.

10. This Is the End (2013)

On paper, this is not a movie for me. An irreverent stoner comedy about a bunch of bros partying it up before the end of the world? None of things are for Taylors. But with a little help of a TV edit to pare down the raunchy and crude bits, I laughed my way through and spent the next several days thinking through its exploration of what makes a good person. While little of the plot is accurate to Christian Gospel and theology, some of its big ideas are consistent enough with the themes of the book of Revelation I found myself thinking about it again in church this morning. (Would love to know if Seth Rogen ever expected that.) Plus, I love a good self-aware celebrity spoof—can’t tell you how many times I’ve just laughed remembering the line, “It’s me, Jonah Hill, from Moneyball”—and an homage to horror classics. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 7/10

July Critic Picks

1. Summer of Soul (…or, When the Television Could Not Be Televised) (2021)

Even director Questlove didn’t know about the Harlem Cultural Festival, but now he’s compiled the footage so we can all enjoy one of the coolest music fest lineups ever, including The 5th Dimension, B.B. King, Gladys Knight and the Pips, Nina Simone, Sly and the Family Stone, and Stevie Wonder, who made my friend’s baby dance more than once in the womb. See it on the big screen for top-notch audio. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

2. Good Morning, Vietnam (1987)

Robin Williams takes on the bureaucracy, disillusionment, and malaise of the Vietnam War with comedy. Williams was a one-of-a-kind talent, and here it’s on display at a level on par with Aladdin. Crowd: 8/10 // Critic: 9/10

3. Against the Rules Season 2 (2020-21)

Michael Lewis (author of Moneyball, adapted into a film starring Jonah Hill), is interested in how we talk about fairness. This season he looks at how coaches impact fairness in areas like college admissions, credit cards, and youth sports.

4. Bugsy Malone (1976)

A gangster musical starring only children? It’s a little like someone just picked ideas out of a hat, but somehow it works. You can hear why in the Bugsy Malone episode Kyla and I released this month on SO IT’S A SHOW?, plus how this weird artifact of a film connects with Gilmore Girls.

5. The Queen (2006)

Before The Crown, Peter Morgan wrote The Queen, focusing on Queen Elizabeth II (Helen Mirren) in the days following the death of Princess Diana. It’s a complex and compassionate drama, both for the Queen and for Prime Minister Tony Blair (Michael Sheen, who has snuck up on me to become a favorite character actor). Maybe I’ve got a problem, but I’ll never tire of the analysis of this famous family. Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 9.5/10

6. The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean (1972)

This month at ZekeFilm, we took a closer look at Revisionist Westerns we’ve missed. I fell hard for Roy Bean, and I think you will, too, if for no other reason than you might like a story starring Jacqueline Bisset, Ava Gardner, John Huston, Paul Newman, and Anthony Perkins. Oh, and a bear! Crowd: 8.5/10 // Critic: 10/10

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7. New Trailer Round Up

Naked Singularity (Aug. 6) – John Boyega in a crime thriller!

Queenpins (Aug. 10) – A crime comedy about extreme coupon-ing!

Dune (Oct. 1) – I’ve been cooler on the anticipation for this film, but this new look has me cautiously intrigued thanks to the Bardem + Bautista + Brolin + Chalamet + Ferguson + Isaac + Momoa + Zendaya of it all.

The Last Duel (Oct. 15) – Affleck! Damon! Driver!

Ghostbusters: Afterlife (Nov. 11) - I’m not sure why we need this, but I’m down for the Paul Rudd + Finn Wolfhard combo

King Richard (Nov. 19) - Will Smith as Venus and Serena’s father!

Encanto (Nov. 24) – Disney and Lin-Manuel Miranda making more magic together!

House of Gucci (Nov. 24) - Gaga! Pacino! Driver!

Also in July…

Kyla and I took a look at the classic supernatural soap Dark Shadows and why Sookie might be obsessed with it on Gilmore Girls.

I revisited a so-bad-it’s-good masterpiece that’s a surrealist dream even Fellini couldn’t have cooked up. Yes, for ZekeFilm I wrote about the Vanilla Ice movie, Cool as Ice, which is now a part of my Blu-ray collection.

Photo credits: Against the Rules. All others IMDb.com.

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tomhardysteeth · 4 years

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u wanna say anything for spn ending? Today's their last day of filming

Yeah sure! I love how you worded this ask, it makes me want to give a very serious answer. I’ve been rewatching random episodes the past few days and thinking about how much of my life was shaped by this random lil tv show, both positively and negatively, so here we go.

I started watching Supernatural during my junior year of college, when I was grappling with being gay and religious, and had a pseudo-girlfriend who was emotionally abusive. I remember I started watching the show because I had been on tumblr for a while and thought, well this is a popular show on tumblr and looks like something I’d enjoy, so I might as well try it. I remember barely paying attention to the first season and thinking it was kind of silly, and I distinctly remember making fun of it right up until the season 1 finale when that truck slammed into the Impala and I said oh.

I remember sitting in the dining hall between classes, hiding in a corner with my pink headphones and my laptop, watching one episode after the other, completely consumed by it. My personal life was a mess at the time and I was angry and sad and frustrated, but I could forget about everything for a little while when I watched spn. I remember falling in love with Dean Winchester, season 3, when Sam gave him the amulet.

Because I had already spent a lot of time on tumblr, I knew about Castiel. I couldn’t wait to get to season 4, the anticipation killed me. I didn’t really have a choice in shipping destiel, I literally shipped it before I even watched a single episode of the show lol. My first time watching seasons 4 and 5, I remember how mad I would feel every time the opening credits scrolled at the bottom of the screen and Misha Collins wasn’t listed. I cared about almost nothing but Dean and Cas interacting with each other. I was totally enamored by them, by their potential. At some point I got over that and watched the show because I liked the show, but boy did my heart and brain break for destiel.

I broke up with my abusive girlfriend. I started coming out to more people, including people involved in the Christian campus ministry I was heavily involved in, and it was very very hard. It was 2013. The first episode of Supernatural I watched live was the episode where Dean turns into a fucking dog.

I don’t remember when I started reading fanfic, and I had no idea how to read fanfic. A friend invited me to ao3, what is ao3? I didn’t know. I used my email address as my username. I read Twist and Shout and Pie Without Plot and other very popular fics that I knew about because everybody knew about them. I vividly remember the first fics I read because I was 21 years old and had never had an orgasm in my life and believed sex was sinful and so when the sex scenes in fics turned me on, I felt guilty about it.

I quickly got over that and started writing explicit destiel fanfic.

I still had no idea what I was doing. I know the very first fic I ever wrote was a mess, I’ve completely erased all traces of it, but other than that I began posting with abandon. Pretty much everything I’ve ever written for spn is still on tumblr and/or ao3. I was running a Hannibal blog at the time and started posting more Supernatural content than Hannibal content, so I created a sideblog, @deancasheadcanons, and things very quickly got out of hand after that.

I was depressed, I was confused, I was spending my last couple years of college trying to figure out my sexuality, trying to hold onto a religion that was rejecting who I was becoming, trying to find my identity while picking a career path and being sad and being pulled in a hundred different directions. Sometimes I was working three jobs at once, on top of 17-credit-hour semesters. I was getting a degree in a field I did not care about, and I spent every class reading and writing fanfic, scrolling through tumblr, making internet friends, letting my life be consumed by Supernatural. I projected myself completely onto Dean Winchester and partially onto Castiel and did not even realize it.

I started dressing like Dean, and my sister and brother-in-law noticed and assumed I was gay. They were extremely unsubtle in their attempts at getting me to come out by pointing out the flannel and army jackets, and I did not have it in me to admit to them that I was dressing like a fictional character, but I DID tell them I was bisexual.

I went to therapy every week during my senior year of college, and I was embarrassed about how often I talked about my “internet life,” as I called it. I remember having the arbitrary goal of getting 1,000 kudos on a fanfic, and I remember the day it happened for the first time and I remember going to therapy that week and saying that I didn’t feel any different, that I thought getting attention for my writing would make me feel better, somehow, but I still felt the same, and my therapist asked me if I would still be writing if I was the only one who got anything out of it and I said yes. But I was still obsessed with writing things that were meaningful, and despite the fact that I would receive 10 negative/mean anons per day, I never turned anon off because I desperately wanted people to tell me that my writing meant something to them, that it mattered to them. I was fighting with myself every day over my sexuality and my identity and my purpose, and I put all of that on the shoulders of Dean and Cas.

There was also chubby!dean. I had lived my entire life with this inexplicable thing, this shame that I knew I could not share, that I knew I would just have to suffer with for my whole life, and then I joined the spn fandom and found that there were others like me, others that had a fetish and had similar experiences as I did and were drawn to Dean Winchester because there’s no other character that could make eating and gaining weight be as enticing as he makes it (in fanfic). For the first time in my life I had a community of people that I could relate to about a thing that I never thought I would ever be able to talk about with anyone in my life. I don’t remember if I consciously chose to start posting publicly about it, but at some point I did, and I started writing kink fic, but I was still so uncomfortable with myself and so scared of the things I felt, and I tried so hard to temper myself and not offend anyone and not go “too far” and not be too weird and I was so sexually repressed and pent up and full of guilt and shame, and so now when I go back and reread some of the stuff I wrote it feels like reopening an old wound and letting myself bleed out.

I was constantly comparing myself to others and wondering why I wasn’t getting as much attention as so-and-so, and I always made excuses about how maybe my writing was too weird and I was too much and maybe I just wasn’t good enough and I hated myself and wanted to delete everything I ever wrote, but also I’m awesome and receive a lot of attention and get a lot of good feedback but maybe that means I’m just a narcissist! I acted like an asshole online and justified it by saying it wasn’t really me, that I could be someone totally different on tumblr than the person I was in “real life,” but in hindsight, now when I think back on my early 20s, I cannot separate what I was doing in “real life” from what I was doing in the spn fandom. I shared so much of myself with the spn fandom without even recognizing that that’s what I was doing.

And I made mistakes, god I made mistakes, and I tried to be so careful about everything I said but I was also presenting a certain version of myself to the spn fandom so that people would like me (for instance: running a destiel blog and trying my best to hide the fact that I also ship wincest) and still I got in trouble constantly, and I grew bitter and mean because you can only receive the “when are you posting the next chapter?” comment so many times before you want to bang your head into a wall. I became defensive and unkind, afraid to check my inbox because it was a nightmare, and yet unable to turn off anon because, like I said, I desperately needed that feedback, I needed people to tell me that they felt what I felt, that they understood what I was writing and why I was writing it.

I expected Supernatural to give me everything I needed. I fantasized about Dean Winchester being canonically bisexual because I thought it would confirm something in me, that it would somehow make my life a little bit easier. I didn’t want to watch other shows that could maybe help me, I wanted Supernatural to do things for me that it had never promised and would never deliver, and it’s because I was defined by it for so many years. Now that I’m back on tumblr, I’ve been going back through some of my old posts on deancasheadcanons and it’s like reading a stranger’s words. Even so, I find myself telling people “I was deancasheadcanons” instead of “I ran a sideblog called deancasheadcanons” because it really was such a huge part of my identity. What’s wild is that every time I’ve tried to explain it to someone in real life, they just look at me like I’m not making any sense.

It was easy to stop watching Supernatural. I didn’t have cable, and I had been driving to my dad and stepmom’s house each week and watching it on their tv after they had gone to bed. I was in a new relationship with a woman I nearly married, I was back in school for a new career, I was working full time and absolutely did not have time to continue writing fanfic as prolifically as I had done for so many years. I finally reached a breaking point in 2017 and haven’t watched any new episodes since then (I don’t remember the last episode I saw). But now, as I rewatch some old episodes, it is easy to feel the way I felt the first time I watched the show. It’s easy to see why this campy little heartfelt show was a lifeline during my formative adult years.

So it turns out I have never reckoned with any of this, have never written it down, hence the 2k jumble of words you see here. And it’s like, I know that a lot of this may seem silly, trivial, especially for a show that in itself is not very serious, but as it comes to an end I have to reflect on it as a person who put so much of my heart, my creativity, my pain and my floundering identity into it. I am somewhat embarrassed and wish I could respond to this ask with a joke instead, but we’re in a pandemic and I live alone and have had way too much time to think and reflect and become a lot more self-aware, and part of that reflection has definitely been about my time in the spn fandom. I remember thinking the show was never going to end, yet here we are at the end and I felt compelled to type all this out with a desire to, I don’t know, get some closure? Convince myself that I was a whole person, that I wasn’t just a faceless URL posting destiel fics into the void, that my real life was not at all disparate from the time I spent online? In any case, I’ll always think fondly of the time I devoted to Supernatural, and I’ll take the good and the bad and everything in between. Thanks for the nice ask, anon, apparently I needed to get some things off my chest.

#madd replies #long post #spn for ts #this is 2k words i am sorry lmao #wouldn't it be cool if i had any semblance of chill

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