#i irresponsibly spent on you that ended up being for no good reason

[babiestbubbles]

I found this in my drafts this morning so here you go, let me know if you want me to finish it!

Softness in the Strangest of Places

Mikey woke up feeling small, really small. So small he didn’t think he could make it off the bed if he tried to stand up. So, he stayed in bed for a while, attempting to will himself big enough to at least brush his teeth. To his credit, he managed to make it to the bathroom, brush his teeth, and make it all the way back to his room before he collapsed back on his bed.

Last night was… rough to say the least. 

He’d been reckless, he knew he had been, but it was a spur of the moment type of thing. It wasn’t supposed to be a big deal, worst case scenario he’d end up with a couple extra scrapes or scratches. 

Except that in jumping headfirst into a fight he’d unintentionally dragged his brothers into danger too. It was never his intention, he swears. He’d rather deal with a thousand punches than see any of them receive a single one. But intentions aside, he endangered them, if it wasn’t for Raph, Donnie would’ve ended up with a concussion from falling off a roof, and Leo narrowly avoided fracturing his wrist from all of the impact it received from fist fighting. He wasn’t trained for long bouts of it, having to rely on his foundational training from childhood since he now trains consistently with his swords.

None of them were prepared for a fight, weapons abandoned at home in favor of a casual visit to topside. Mikey knew that, and he’d still started a fight. 

He walked home head hung in shame, taking deep heavy breaths as guilt and remorse clawed at his chest from the inside out, caged only by his ribs and fear of breaking down in front of his brothers.

Things got worse when they got home. He had to work so hard to keep up a good poker face while being lectured by Splinter, painfully aware that he’d just get in more trouble for crying. 

His dad’s words clung to his brain, branching out into harsher remarks. “You were irresponsible and childish. This behavior will not be tolerated anymore Michelangelo. ” slowly morphed into, “You are useless and pathetic. This was your last chance and you still managed to slip up.” Distress, fear, and sadness clouding his better judgment.

By the time that it was over, he’d lost track of anything other than his own misery and the burning sting of his father’s words. He walked shakily out of the living room, fighting every urge in his body to sprint to the safety of his bedroom.

The second the door shut and he was safe in his room, he fell into littlespace, hard. He was still a bit big, somewhere between 3 and 5, but lines get blurry when you’re on the verge of tears. Luckily he was still big enough that he had the sense to secure his room. He shuffled to the door, locking it, and pretending that the lock would magically make his room soundproof. 

He sprinted back to the softness of his blankets, jumping onto his bed, but the minute his body touched the mattress, the tears that had been pooling since he walked in, finally began to fall. He sobbed into his pillow, clutching his stuffed bunny close and letting it all out. 

His mind continued to swirl with thoughts, the words from earlier still fresh and metaphorical wounds they caused still aching.

How could he be so terrible? They probably never wanted to see him again. His brothers probably hated him, the only reason Splinter hasn’t gotten rid of him is because he’s spent 13 years training Mikey and it would be a waste. That was it. Mhm, Splinter didn’t love him at all actually. No one did. All he ever does is mess things up and cause accidents and be unhelpful. Mhm. Yeah. 

The poor turtle was so caught up in his feelings, and headspace, that all logic had gone out the window and he fully believed that his family no longer loved him because he’d made a mistake and gotten a lecture from his dad along with some glares from his brothers.

Mikey cried and cried until he couldn’t cry anymore, and not even ten minutes later, he was asleep. Entirely exhausted from the emotional and physical stress he’d just gone through.

And now he’d woken up cemented even deeper in littlespace, and he had no idea what to do. A part of him still believes that everyone is mad at him, that they don’t want to see him more than they have to, so he stays put. Deciding that it’s not worth the energy. He lays back down, snuggling his bunny and hoping that he could spend the day in his safe space, unbothered and a little bit sad.

Tragically, he has no such luck and less than thirty minutes later, Donnie comes looking for him. “Mikey?” he calls, his voice a bit sing-songy as he tries the door, pleasantly surprised to find it unlocked. Mikey knew he had forgotten something when he crawled back to bed after brushing his teeth.

Mikey can only look upwards and stare wide eyed at his older brother. Tears already beginning to form as he remembers everything that’s happened and emotions start creeping their way back. 

“Angelo?” Donnie asks, concern lacing his voice when his brother makes no move to greet him

Gentle distress floods his veins as Mikey makes an attempt to break his accidental vow of silence but finds the words stuck in his throat, leaving him sitting on his bed with his mouth hanging open as he tries a second, then third, time to speak. 

Through his mild panic the box turtle vaguely registers Donnie asking him what’s wrong and is suddenly struck with a genius idea. 

He sits upright, making sure he’s facing his brother and has his full attention, as he begins carefully lifting up his arms. He holds them in the air at chest level for a second before bringing his two palms closer together and hunching himself inward, effectively signing “Little” or “Small” in ASL.

It takes Donnie’s mind a moment to realize what’s happening, but his face softens as understanding washes over him. 

He slips into his role of caregiver almost immediately, his entire demeanor changing in seconds, and finds himself snuggling closer to his little brother, as he begins asking questions.

The first one is simple, “So I’m guessing you can’t talk, huh?” 

A nod is all it takes to get his brain going, running through all the various forms of nonverbal communication he knows.

He’s aware that Mikey only knows the bare minimum when it comes to ASL, so that’s off the table, but it reminds him that sometimes the simplest solution is also the best. “Can you type?” he asks softly, taking care to add a soft and suggesting tone to his voice so that Mikey doesn’t feel bad if he can’t. When his brother signs back “Don’t know” he pulls out his phone, handing it to the smaller. 

‘kinda can’ is all he manages but it’s more than enough for Donnie, whose face lights up in encouragement.

“There you go!” he happily remarks, before continuing his impromptu questionnaire. “Do you know why you can’t talk?” 

‘M rely tiny, jusa babie’  (Donnie Translation: I’m really tiny, just a baby)

Donnie can’t fight the urge to coo at his brother, “Aww, I’ve got a tiny little guy on my hands, huh?” he says in an overly sweet voice that somehow makes Mikey feel even smaller than before. 

Amidst his contemplation of the next question to ask, it clicks for Donnie that his brother is almost never this small. Hence the need for so many questions. The last time he was this small he’d gotten into a really bad argument with Splinter and- 

oh

Donnie can’t help the way face falls for a moment as he realizes why his brother has regressed so young. 

The question flies out of his mouth before he can even think about it

"Are you this tiny because of what happened last night?"

and Donnie has never been filled with such immediate regret as he watches his brother's face crumple.

Mikey's suddenly reminded of why Donnie was in here in the first place as the tears find their way to his eyes for the third time. Once they start falling, they can't seem to stop, streaming down his face chased only by hiccuping sobs.

Donnie’s on in him in an instant, wrapping him in a tight hug as he begins to soothe. 

"No, hey. Hey, it's alright. Donnie’s got you. I know it last night was a lot, I'm here I've got you. No one's upset with you, I promise. We know it was a mistake, I promise we don't hate you."

He states, knowing Mikey well enough to know exactly what was going on in his head right now.

Big or little, Mikey’s always scared that his mistakes are the end of the world, and it breaks Donnie's heart every single time.

He continues to hold his brother, a stream of soft “It's okay.”, “You're okay.”, and “I'm here”s  continuing to pour from his mouth. 

He tries rubbing small circles on the younger's shell but stops abruptly when he feels him pull away.

As the minutes pass, Donnie hears the harsh sobs fade to gentle sniffles as Mikey calms down a bit, nuzzling Donnies chest a bit as he tries to snuggle impossibly closer to his older brother.

It takes a few more minutes of sniffles for Donnie to try rubbing Mikey’s back again, but this time he leans into the touch, exhausted and desperate for reassurance. “There we go” he sighs as he feels Mikey melt into his arms, “Deep breaths, I’ve got you. Donnie’s got you.” 

Donnie’s never been a big fan of touch, but his little, scratch that baby brother, was always an exception. 

As Mikey leans back to look up at him, Donnie breaks out in a soft smile, “Hi sweetheart. Are you feeling any better? I’m so sorry I upset you like that, I promise I didn’t mean to. Do you think you can forgive me?” The question is asked in earnest, but Donnie knows the baby in his arms is far too tired and vulnerable to say anything but “Yes”, so he mentally files a reminder to apologize to his brother again when he’s bigger.

The small boy just nods shyly, looking back down with a droopy, almost shameful, look. Donnie recognizes it almost immediately. “Hey, hey, None of that! I’m not upset with you for crying. I could never be upset with you for expressing your emotions, especially when regressed. It’s fine, I promise. You’re such a good boy Mikey. My sweet baby brother.”

Mikey’s head continues to dip, though this time with a bashful smile rather than a shameful frown, and Donnie nearly beams at the sight. 

“Alright! With all that crying, I think it’s time we get you a drink and something to eat. What do you say bud?” Mikey nods cautiously in response, still on edge from all the crying, and just generally sensitive because of how heavily regressed he is. “Can you walk?” he asks tentatively, caregiver mode being increased tenfold now that he knows just how baby his brother was. 

He sighs at the sorrowful head shake he gets, but is quick to clarify he’s not upset at Mikey for being unable to walk, but simply hadn’t thought ahead about what to do in the event he wasn’t able to. 

Donnie goes back to rubbing soft circles on Mikey's back as he messages Raph and Leo a quick, “Code Baby, meet me in Mikey’s room.”

Of course, they’re there in an instant; Leo instinctively running up to the bed and reaching for Mikey’s hand to drag him up and out of the room before Donnie gives them a panicked “Hold on!” 

With a solemn look, he attempts to explain things as rapidly as possible…without upsetting Mikey. Which proves to be more than a bit of a challenge.

“Remember what happened last night with Mikey, the lecture he got from Splinter and-” he sneaks a quick look at Mikey, relieved to find him too busy playing with his newfound toy [Read: Leo’s hand] to pay attention to the discussion at hand, “the way he looked like he was holding back tears for most of it?” The second half is almost a whisper, Donnie treading carefully after earlier events. 

Raph and Leo’s faces immediately drop, excitement, about Mikey being little, shifting to worry for their youngest brother. Donnie quickly goes on, wanting to avoid putting his brothers through unnecessary anxiety. “Apparently some time between when he ran to his room last night and now, he regressed. And he regressed hard. He seems to be stuck in babyspace, and can neither talk nor walk ”

Both of their faces soften in understanding as everything, even their posture and stances, shift into caregiver mode alongside Donnie. They’d entered the room expecting a roughhouse filled playdate with an 8 year old Mikey, but now they were more than happy to dote upon their baby bound brother.

There’s also an unspoken twinge of pity, even sadness, lurking in the eyes of all three, that no one bothers to acknowledge. However Donnie decides to err on the side of caution and slips in an added, “I’m not sure if it’s what caused him to regress so hard or if it’s because he’s so tiny, but he’s super sensitive right now guys, so we’ve got to be extra careful how we handle him.” Raph quirks an eyebrow and Leo opens his mouth to retort before Donnie warns, “I sighed when he told me he couldn't walk and had to spend the next 5 minutes convincing him I wasn’t upset with him because of it.” which quickly shuts down any suspicion. 

The attention shifts back to Mikey as he squirms in Donnie’s lap, trying to reach Donnie’s phone but clearly unable. When it’s handed to him, he’s quick to type out a barely decipherable message about breakfast that kicks everyone into gear. 

Raph scoops him up, carrying his bridal style to the kitchen, and though he’s been held like this a thousand times, it still manages to make Mikey feel impossibly smaller. He babbles happily on the trip to the kitchen, clearly excited to be in his big brother’s arms and absolutely glowing under all of the attention. Donnie’s leading the way with smooth determined strides as he uses his gauntlet to run through an index of all the food in their household and organizing it into “Baby Friendly”, “Potentially Baby Friendly”, and “Are you trying to Kill the Baby?”

Leo trails quite a ways behind the other two, having run back to grab a pacifier and teether for Mikey, as well as his favorite Frog Stuffie. Just in case.

It only takes a few minutes for him to catch up with the others in the kitchen, where Donnie is already running around playing scavenger hunt with different ingredients. Meanwhile, Raph is attempting, to no avail, to pry Mikey off of him and set the boy onto a chair, a bowl of cubed watermelon sitting on the counter beside them. As much as he’d love to spectate Donnie’s goose chase for baby food, Leo figures Raph could use the help, so he makes his way over. 

“Mikey! Hey buddy,”  Leo coos.

#donnie #tmnt #tmnt donnie #tmnt donatello #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt donnie #save rottmnt #agere #agere blog #age regression #rottmnt agere #hurt/comfort #fanfic #drabbles #fanfiction #ao3 fanfic #raphael tmnt #rottmnt raph #raph hamato #mikey hamato #mikey tmnt #rottmnt mikey

[galacticnova3]

this is your free invitation to post a headcanon of your choice

I think this might count as multiple headcanons but they’re all connected by the same base topic and I’m not just deleting all of this so! Funny rat’s magic stick time

The Triple Star is the same kind of weapon/being as Galaxia, but rather than more or less pure offense, she’s intended to play a role of mixed attack and support in a group. Unlike Galaxia her standards for worthiness aren’t ridiculously strict, and she’s much less direct about someone not being fit to wield her. Which is to say instead of basically attacking such a person they simply wouldn’t ever talk to them or make their power known. As a result she spent a lot of time being moved from place to place— far longer than she was ever left in her pedestal for any length of time. For a while nobody really knew exactly what or who she was, most folks just thought “Wow! Gold cane/staff/scepter/stick with a block on it!”, and that was really the main reason she didn’t completely fall into obscurity. People like to own valuable things, after all. That’s also how the Squeak Squad eventually caught wind of them— not as a sacred artifact but as a very valuable gold cane some rich person obtained for a large sum.

Daroach actually didn’t know any different until he stole her in the eventual heist and suddenly there was a new voice in his head going on and on about Oh my STARS, FINALLY SOMEONE CAPABLE WHO ISN’T PURELY MOTIVATED BY GREED AND SELF-INTEREST, DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW LONG I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE TO FIND ME WHO MIGHT ACTUALLY STRIVE TOWARD THE GREATER GOOD OF OTHERS, I MEAN SERIOUSLY IT’S LIKE EVERYONE JUST FORGOT I USED TO BE CONSIDERED THE IMMORTAL VESSEL OF A PARAGON OF UNITY AND SELFLESSNESS AND NOT JUST A FANCY GOLD STICK THAT CAN BE SOLD FOR A LOT OR STOLEN AND THEN SOLD FOR A LOT, IF I END UP IN SOME DISPLAY CASE OR VAULT OR WHATEVER AGAIN I MIGHT ACTUALLY LOSE IT, anyways greetings I am the Triple Star, you have been deemed worthy to be my wielder and it is your sacred duty to utilize me for the protection of those around you, no pressure or anything though I’m not impossibly strict or anything, if you have any questions I can answer them as you think of them if you want, no this isn’t a dream, no this isn’t a hallucination, no you’re not losing your mind, ok is a magic staff forming a telepathic connection with you REALLY that unbelievable to- no I do not usually talk this much these are just very special circumstances at the moment, and I am just very- WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT SOUNDS LIKE I’VE JUST BEEN BEAMING A RUN-ON SENTENCE DIRECTLY INTO YOUR HEAD, DO YOU EXPECT ME TO STOP AND CATCH MY BREATH WHEN I DON’T EVEN BREATHE TO BEGIN WITH, HONESTLY THIS IS A HUGE HONOR CAN YOU WAIT UNTIL YOU AREN’T MAKING YOUR GETAWAY TO QUESTION IT, actually that would probably also be a good time for you to figure out the magic I granted you- WHAT DO YOU MEAN “WHAT MAGIC” IS IT REALLY THAT SUBTLE

Basically imagine Meta Knight and Galaxia but like 5% more dysfunctional, 10% more likely to argue with each other, and 40% more likely to be complicit in a crime if said crime is for The Greater Good™️ in some fashion. She likes the other Squeaks, but doesn’t talk to them directly because she’s not supposed to. However there’s nothing stopping her from having Daroach do the actual talking for her and this is something she’s happy to take advantage of. She did/does speak more directly with Kirby in situations where they’re wielding her, and the two get along, but she’s far closer with Daroach by virtue of knowing him better and whatnot. In general they are a lot more talkative than Galaxia, wanting to be a more active presence rather than just a guide or advisor in the background. If they were to get to know one another, they’d be civil and not necessarily dislike one another, but Galaxia would think they’re too lenient and borderline irresponsible when it comes to fulfilling their purpose, while Triple Star would think she’s too serious and more passive than a sacred sword ought to be.

Also, Triple Star says eat the rich, and that has nothing to do with decades spent being stolen and bought and sold and hidden and stolen and sold again by a bunch of people with hearts that make crude oil look as pure as spring water.

#asks #rambling #my headcanons

[pansy-picnics]

I need more next gen. I am starving. Pls. What are UD/varigo like with their niblings. Is Eugene the fun uncle. Who had a hero crush on Hugo. Stuff like that.

IVE BEEN MEANING TO DO SOME CONTENT OF THIS FOR A WHILE HEHEHE THANK U….. i’ve been collecting sketches for this for a while so it’s gonna be a long one

emery loves their aunties and uncle and rapunzel and her partners all spoil them to DEATH its so fucking cute

they’re very into botanical and herbal sciences, so she does a lot more hands-on and in the moment studies than varian and hugo, who usually stay cooped up in their lab most of the day. rapunzel especially loves going out with her on hikes or nature walks whenever her dads are busy, and they do field journals and stuff…. sometimes others will join them on their little trips but for the most part it’s just something the two of them do together. they garden a lot too, obviously, and raps listens to her infodump for hours on end

em also absolutely ADORES her aunt cassie, as she has dubbed her (it definitely got varian a few death glares at first, but he swears up and down he didn’t teach her anything). she loves hearing all the stories about her adventures and is especially fascinated by her cartography. cass also loves to collect weird things, like feathers, funny looking rocks or crystals, animal/fish bones, reptile skins or wings of insects, various things from deceased creatures she’s come across on her travels. emery finds this stuff incredibly cool, since they love animals

whenever cassandra travels out of corona for a bit she brings home lots of flowers and herbs and things for them to study, along with plenty of pretty trinkets and baubles for both them and the twins <3

that’s jusr like one of her love languages she’s like a crow. just gives people shiny rocks and sticks she found, and sometimes jewels/little hairclips/rings/generally very fancy things she definitely stole. sometimes nobody knows what to do with them but they keep them because they love her

eugene is absolutely the fun uncle but like, only when yong’s not around bc he easily solos eugene any day. no hard feelings it just is what it is

but yeah eugene always does the best storytime voices, especially with the flynn rider books bc hes been doin this for YEARS hes got DECADES of experience bro. sometimes the kids encourage him to act out the scenes in which he tries his best but fails miserably while lamenting about his old man bones

rapunzel and cassandra both laugh at him and sometimes will try to pick up where he left off

and, speaking of flynn, with another kid in the castle eugene finally gets another chance to play his favorite game: how long can i have this child convinced that i am the REAL flynn rider in the flesh

the answer is quite a while and it will eventually lead a very pissed off alchemist to storm into your room ready to beat the shit out of you

eugene definitely helps them get away with shit especially considering he’s trying to get revenge on the years varian and hugo spent being menaces to the twins. it is actually CRUCIAL that hugo and varian stay childless for a good 5-7 years after the twins are born because they get that long to be Goofy Ass Uncles and nothing more

no bc theyd literally be the worst most irresponsible mfs imaginable bc they’re both fucking around the whole time trying to impress the kids but they start getting rlly overly competitive about who they like more and fighting about it while the twins are just along for the ride

so. they DO still end up being the favorite uncles just. not for the reasons they think

they’d be like, showing the kids all sorts of projects they have around the lab but theyre just so much more hyperfocused on one upping each other- varian would do tons of interactive experiments so they can get involved and be hands on with everything. it’s just simple stuff obviously, baby science

but hugo on the other hand is more keen to giving them eye candy. fancy machines with cool lights and noises and the like. he does this with kids in town already, they always know him by name and like to play with olivia so he knows how to get the attention of children, but varian thinks it’s cheating so they get into a really stupid argument about it

varian: HAHAHA hugh you’re KIDDING right. that’s nothing they dont even know what’s going on its just a big machine that makes fancy lights and noises

hugo: ??? ok but that’s all you really need isn’t it?? it’s not like kids are all that hard to impress. plus you cant get on my case when yours is just some vial that changes color. you can at LEAST give them something cooler than that

varian: ??? HUGO I CAN ONLY DO SO MUCH THEYRE LIKE FOUR😭 at least MINE is educational. it teaches them about alchemy while helping them develop critical thinking and motor skills

hugo: oh my gods var it’s not that deep😑 like work smarter not harder you know what i mean?? it’s not like they’re our kids we don’t have to worry about that stuff

varian: IT’S NOT EVEN ABOUT THAT THOUGH it’s about captivation and keeping their attention. kids have really short attention spans, fancy gadgets may look cool but they’ll get boring in like five seconds. if you get them involved with the process and allow them to understand the craft they’ll be WAY more interested and-

varian goes into a rant before hugo cuts him off being all “ok fine well if you’re so confident lets ask what THEY think” and varians like “FINE” and so hugo turns around in a huff and realizes both the toddlers are Gone.

and he’s just “,,,,,hey um. hey var. love….where did the twins go” and varian whips his head around like “YOU FUCKING LOST THEM????”

so obviously they both freak the fuck out and are scouring the entire lab making sure they arent off drinking some dangerous chemicals or some shit but like, both of them are smart as fuck so it turns out they just walked off in the middle of their argument and went to go steal sweets from the kitchen. cass, raps, and eugene all chew them out for it later. they get more responsible when emery comes along but like….yk not that much AUDJSJDHDSNS

on the topic of stupid uncles, i should mention that though they love all of them dearly…lance is kind of the favorite like 90% of the time

cuz see eugene along with hugo still continue to be a bit overprotective and paranoid with the kids at times. varian is usually very laid back but when emery hits her teen years he starts to worry a lot more, while hugo mellows out considering that’s where vars own life went downhill LMAO. if there’s anyone who will indulge them and let them get away with ANYTHING it’s lance.

there’s such a blatant and vast difference between your first time parents who are always overthinking everything and worrying about whether they’re good parents or not and your cool, unmarried uncle who already adopted and raised two teenage kids in his 20s, is in the prime of his life and doesn’t technically have to take responsibility for you at all

granted though, the twins have had everyone wrapped around their little fingers since their birth

immediately after the twins were born, everyone in the castle (and even those who weren’t) all collectively pitched in to help as much as they possibly could. especially considering rapunzel struggled a lot mentally in the first few months of her kids’ life, the whole family was very determined to make the time as stress-free as their abilities would allow

one thing they found out quickly was that the twins absolutely adored varian. which obviously confused the alchemist and left him feeling quite helpless considering 1. kids hardly ever liked him (he usually got bullied by them) and 2. because of this he. didn’t really know what to do with kids. ryder once fell asleep in his arms and he lowkey panicked bc he had NO idea what he was supposed to do

when the anxious new parents were finally able to let people be alone with the babies, varian ended up being a pretty regular sitter. to the point where he would have little baby slings in case he needed to hold them while he was working on small projects or something. people would even frequently assume they were his and he eventually got tired of explaining they were actually his niblings so he just let people think whatever

before theyre born hugo jokes around like “lmaooo i dont even like kids” but he’s lying thru his fucking TEETH. hed die for them.

also alina thinks hugo is SO fucking cool (obviously considering he cut her hair based off of his) but also em admires hugo more than either of the twins could ever possibly comprehend. i havent drawn it enough since most of what i’ve drawn of them is them bullying each other but thats just their love language of course emery picked up on it. past the age of like 10 emery would rather die than admit how much she looks up to her father but hugo Knows <3

its not to say em doesnt admire varian, because she loves both her dads equally!!! but because hugo also came from an orphaned past being with him made emery feel a lot more safe and understood during her first few years at the castle. hugo knew what it was like to suddenly go from having nothing to having Everything and he knew it could be really stressful, especially for a little kid….having someone who understood that was really comforting to emery.

because of this though hugo tended to be the paranoid mother hen type, especially compared to varian who was a LOT more laid back and wanted to give them the freedom to trust their own judgement and make mistakes. it was tough to balance these styles at first but emery genuinely loved them both, even if hugo’s fussiness was a bit annoying sometimes

in fact the reason emery dubbed hugo “mama” in the first few months was not because they could sense his massive amounts of Gender (well like, partially, but it was about a month or so after that before the ‘are you a boy or a girl?’ question finally came up), but instead because hugo’s constant doting on her reminded them of their birth mother

varian and hugo dont know much about emery’s birth family or what happened to them, considering she doesn’t say much in her younger years and eventually forgets most of what she didn’t; but she seems to have cared a lot about her birth mother, and frequently still misses her presence.

whenever those waves of emotion are too much for her to bear, hugo is there to comfort her- and he assures her that despite never even meeting them, he still misses his birth family, too, but that it will get easier, and no matter what, she’ll always have people who love and support her

anyways thats all i have rn *opens my head and puts my brain back in it like the little frankenstien dude from nightmare before christmas* idk when ill have more content of them but the next time i do it’ll probably be that drawing with rapunzel kissing both her partners on the lips and both of them being so romantically in love with her /hj

#ik this is a long one pleaseeee dont be afraid to point out tiny details it makes me so happy when ppl do that #tangled the series #rapunzels tangled adventure #varian and the 7 kingdoms #vat7k #uknighted dream #varigo #princess rapunzel #eugene fitzherbert #lance strongbow #varian #vat7k hugo #tts adira #vat7k donella #tangled kids #ask #pansy-art #ruddiger #pascal #alina #emery #ryder #tangled cassandra #hugo the human #tangled asks #kiera schnitz #catalina schnitz

[insertpoetryhere]

Cannot believe there's still Ouran blogs out there...it's been 84 years...anyway I love all your hc posts and your appreciation of our favourite fucked up rich kids the Ootoris. What's your take on the infamous slap scene at the end of the anime? I remember opinions on that being really divided back when I was still active in the fandom (600yrs ago).

Ok so I have spent a very long time mulling this ask over in my head because my feelings on it are… complicated. One thing I know for sure is that it was an unnecessary add on and is completely out of character for Yoshio specifically.

Let’s start off with the fact that Yoshio Ootori had no problem with the host club in the manga. In fact, he seemed proud of the way Kyoya was organizing it and actively praised him for it. Let me be very clear that I’m not sure if that’s necessarily a good thing as, for as much as I love Ouran, minors probably shouldn’t be in a host club at all. Especially since some of the host club activities and marketing (the physical exams, partially nude photos, risqué costumes, etc.) weren’t always completely safe for work. Between that and the competition he placed amongst his sons (which Kyoya in the very same arc acknowledges in one of the most heartbreaking parts of the manga) there’s already plenty of reasons why he isn’t the best father and doesn’t always have Kyoya’s emotional and Psychological well being in mind.

Physical aggression is also not his pre-established form of discipline. Both the anime and manga imply that Kyoya is actively seeking out his fathers attention because when Yoshio’s sons don’t meet his expectations, he treats them like his daughter. Fuyumi and Kyoya are as close as they are because their father ignores both of them. The manga seems to imply that Yoshio doesn’t see much reason to waste effort on his children if they don’t meet his expectations. It’s irresponsible at best and neglectful at its worst, but definitely a very different style of discipline than pimp slapping your son in public.

SPEAKING OF PUBLIC, Yoshio’s biggest concern in both the manga and anime is the preservation of the Ootori name. You know what stuffy rich people don’t tend to look on fondly? Emotional outbursts that lead to violence. And then they had the nerve to have him call Kyoya and embarrassment to the Ootori name when Kyoya isn’t the one who just caused a scene in the middle of this high school event.

And my fourth and final point; they could have made this work. If they desperately wanted someone to bitch slap Kyoya, there was already and Ootori who fit the bill perfectly. Akito Ootori’s only established traits is that he is verbally aggressive, hates the host club, and loves his little brother a lot but has no idea how to express it. Not to mention that Kyoya’s brother slapping him has a very different, less “someone call cps” tone to it than his father slapping him. It would have served a similar emotional beat while also not butchering a character that used to be complex and interesting.

#yoshio ootori #kyoya ootori #ouran high school host club

[pinkantagonist]

I’m just gonna vent about adhd for a second.

A while back, I told my boss (past boss) that I had adhd. I was being converted from a contract worker to full time, so disclosing my disability seemed like a normal part of that process. I wanted to put my best foot forward at my new job, and ask for reasonable accommodations so I could do my best work. My boss and I had a good relationship, so I felt very confident about it.

He scoffed at me, said that “everyone has a little adhd”, and then went off about how kids are over diagnosed. I sat in silence for the rest of the conversation. Oh, and it took about 8 months for me to get my requested accommodations.

I have a different boss now, who is much kinder about it, but this really colored my experience of being a working person with adhd. Sometimes I forget that I’m disabled or I don’t consider myself as such, but the corporate world has a way of reminding me.

Well, this morning I fucked up. I was supposed to do a small presentation and I completely forgot, and missed about 90% of it (I work remotely and have somewhat flexible hours, for context).

I remembered at the tail end of the meeting, jumped into the call and apologized to everyone, and was able to finish it up, after my boss had so kindly stepped in and presented most of it for me. I made a real ass of myself and I’m trying SO hard not to spiral about it… it was absolutely mortifying.

Now, this was 100% my fault. I’m not trying to blame anything else, but damn is it just… hard. It’s so hard for me to like, be a person. And the adderall shortage is making it so much worse. I can only get the instant release tablets, MAYBE, if I’m lucky, and they just flat out don’t work as well as the extended release, which are impossible to find right now.

I have pretty severe TMJ, which is exacerbated by the instant release, so I’m constantly balancing being in so much agony and being a functioning person. The less pain I experience the more I fail at my responsibilities, and the more pain I’m in the better my brain works... And the more teeth I break. You don’t even want to know how much I’ve spent on dental work, and a mouth guard that my insurance refused to cover.

Basically, yesterday I chose to be irresponsible with less pain on my day off, which had major repercussions today. If I’m not like, 110% stressed out about everything 24/7 I WILL forget pretty much all appointments and commitments, but it’s unsustainable to live like this and my health is FAILING. I can feel myself becoming weaker and worn out. I’m killing myself just to appear “normal”. But I can’t do anything less, because if I get fired, goodbye health insurance! Then I wouldn’t even be able to get the shitty instant release tablets.

And it’s all invisible. No one suspects a thing. I can’t really talk about it. I told everyone we experienced a power outage, because the real reason just seems silly. Sorry, I took a day off from being a person yesterday because my daily life makes me feel like I’m drowning, and my meds didn’t kick in fast enough for me to remember on time! Sorry, I was distracted by having to pry my jaw open to brush my teeth when I woke up today since I already lost my $800 night guard! Sorry, I have chronic IBS which causes me so much pain that sometimes I can’t even move when I first get up, which was what delayed me taking my meds in the first place!

I don’t know what the point of this was. Happy disability month, I guess. It absolutely sucks here.

And if you think “everyone has a little adhd”, please go fuck yourself.

#rach.txt #this is a very personal post guys #trying not to spiral and writes an entire essay which is basically me spiraling #probably rsd #adhd #living with adhd #also fuck capitalism tbh

[rush-mp3]

finished henry danger, finally! i loved it so much. henry danger is possibly one of nick's best (live action) shows of the new generation—if not the best.

like there are so many things about the show that i loved. from the continuity, the character's habits, character relationships (justice for chenry!!! but at the same time, i'm glad they kept it all platonic), the subtle progression of time, and a lot of other subtle details that built up over the course of the seasons and truly came to fruition in the final season.

like how we see henry in school less, and how he made a comment about not knowing where kid danger ends and henry hart begins which all culminates into the series finale delimma of him not graduating with his peers—and even his younger sister—because he's dedicated so much of his life to being kid danger.

speaking of the finale: it was literally so iconic and i can only imagine how gagged it would've made me if i grew up with the show tbh like i loved the tension that came in from all directions, it was so good.

and nooooooow, i'm starting danger force!! i'm so excited, they're the reason i started watching henry danger in the first place.

no comments so far because i literally just started S1E1, but i honestly adore these kids so much. i think they're so cute and funny in their own right.

it really annoys me how often i've seen people discrediting this show. like i get it, you know. as i've said, henry danger was surprisingly a really good show, but i hate when people always try to compare sequels/spin-offs with their predecessor.

especially in this case. of course danger force isn't going to be the same, and the cast isn't going to have the same vibe as in henry danger.

with henry, ray was extremely immature and irresponsible, and it's quite literally how/why part of the finale went the way it did. we even see henry somewhat grow out of ray's antics with how he became increasingly frustrated/exasperated with ray at times.

so with the danger force kids, it makes sense that ray is a bit more serious about taking care of these kids and actually putting an effort into being a mentor to them.

of course he isn't perfect, considering they got him a "ray-by sitter" (aka henry lmao). and of course he still prefers to have the company of henry, who he literally spent almost a decade with in canon. their dynamics aren't really comparable.

anyways, enough of that little rant. i'm so excited to get to know the danger force kiddies and see what hijinks they get up to.

i really hope they have at least one more season, and i hope riele & sean make an appearance alongside henry......i also wouldn't mind if they teased chenry again.....it'd be fun to see the kids tease them about it. it'd also be fun to see chenry tease bomika (yes, i have already been converted even though i barely know these kids lmao).

#jk.txt #henry danger #danger force

[fencesandfrogs]

i think the point is, whether or not having to plan around your mom's emotions is bad in a particular scenario kind of depends on the consequences of not doing so.

if the consequences involve her removing access to some basic need, then it's bad because your mom is responsible for providing those and that responsibility should not be conditioned on your behavior.

so i think the crux of the issue, based on what little of the discussion i've seen, is that you do not believe "not getting yelled at for being irresponsible" is something you inherently deserve from your mom, while others around you do.

i also think a possible miscommunication could be happening here; afaik the issue is not "you being irresponsible" necessarily but "you have no memory of what happened to the previous money" which given you have documented memory problems, would pull into question whether yelling at you for that is fair or reasonable.

so when you say "my mom yelling at me for being irresponsible doesn't stop my needs from being met" and others say "your mom yelling at you for being irresponsible is not meeting your needs"

they're maybe actually saying "your mom yelling at you for symptoms of mental illness is not meeting your needs"

so like. idk your life well enough to judge. but i think the question is a) is it irresponsibility or Symptoms (or both)? and b) does yelling at you for symptoms (esp if they're outside your control) count as not meeting your needs?

(also idk if you are counting emotional needs in this discussion. but. as someone who didn't for a really long time and then learned i have neglect-related trauma, it might be worth considering if you're not)

anon i cannot thank you enough for this ask because i've been so confused about this discussion. i was joking with my friends, like, i've seen people have this moment on tumblr before, and i've always been sympathetic, but always like...here hold on screenshot

[transcript: me watching [redacted] do this: i see that you're legitimately confused but i don't know how anyone could break it down any clearer.

me doing this: what the fuck are people saying to me /end transcript]

and now i'm like. "you are all explaining things to me clearly with good words and i should be able to understand them, but i can't."

urgh my hands are cold i know you will experience no time gap but i have to do dishes so i will.

the crux of the issue ... is that you do not believe "not getting yelled at for being irresponsible" is something you inherently deserve from your mom

yeah, pretty much? not that. urgh i'll feel guilty if i don't bring this up but my mom doesn't yell so much as. make you feel like you got yelled at without raising her voice. i've been saying "yell" because there's no short way of saying what she does, and the emotional impact is the same. (source: i've been thru both)

okay that guilt avoided.

anyway yeah, you summed that up pretty well. like...the need is still met if she yells at me. i don't have some inherent right to not get yelled at. she feeds me. that's the need. closed loop.

the issue is not "you being irresponsible" necessarily but "you have no memory of what happened to the previous money"

i don't think i have much to say this was just. an angle i hadn't looked at it from before? i think i've been rly focused on my mom and i know that she doesn't rly care about that kind of thing? she didn't care abt it when i was a kid at least. whenever i complained abt my memory she told me not to make excuses. so like.

i dunno. i feel like it's still irresponsible of me? i doubt i spent it on anything essential. i know when i spent money on some fun stuff i specifically texted my mom and asked her to pull from my savings for that, because i was spending on fun stuff. so like. even if i don't remember it, it's still the same problem?

hm. this whole post will get the commentary welcome tag but i'm specifically saying if people have thoughts on this i'd like to hear them.

they're maybe actually saying "your mom yelling at you for symptoms of mental illness is not meeting your needs"

hm.

urgh i feel all turbulent and weird about this. it's like i know i've said all different things about this? to everyone. to my therapist and my friends and on this blog.

i don't.

sorry i'm feeling really staticky.

okay took a little break because my brain was getting soupy. i think you're right about this, although...i dunno. ig intellectually i get why they're upset, but it feels hard to be upset about it. for whatever reason, i can't apply the rules i'd apply to other people to myself. i don't know why. that's just...how things are.

a) is it irresponsibility or Symptoms (or both)? and b) does yelling at you for symptoms (esp if they're outside your control) count as not meeting your needs?

things to talk about with my therapist, presumably. i'm certainly not finding answers to this all tonight. mostly putting this here to highlight it for later.

idk if you are counting emotional needs in this discussion

honestly i don't even know.

i don't really see all of this as a "basic" need. like, if i accept the premise as true, that she isn't supposed to be like this, i still don't think this is about basic needs. i have food, water, and shelter. i'm getting an education. i have healthcare. idk what my list of basic needs would be, but this whole deal wouldn't be on them.

sigh.

i kinda wanna cry and call my mom about this but i can't call her about her :(

#ask #anon #mine #disorderposting #commentary welcome #ty again for this ask #it really helped a lot #i'm now sad but that's not ur fault lol #i knew the risks #bonus ramble: #it's also like #if i call my mom i think she'd tell me i'm being silly for all of this #like if i just texted her i'd have money and this whole thing would be a non issue #but i can't do it #bc i get all panicky #:( #really want to thank u this was very helpful #i'm gonna keep working thru things probably

[naturalbornkillass]

delayed post from 07/10/22 - A weird week: still depressed // might need to get the “hottest girl in rehab” sweatshirt. // modern feminism // why am i attracted to older men i dont even ducking have daddy issues

The last part happened today but i’ll include it into my evenfully unevenful week

i’ve been ridiculously depressed and irritable this week. i havent touched my prescripted medicine and i probably should. i’m in no way getting better.

During the 4th of july, i got into a hugeeee argument with my dad and i ended up staying home and playing roblox w my friends. it was kinda fun, then it all hit me. I’m at home during the 4th of july, doing absolutely nothing. I was bored and depressed. I HAD NOTHING TO DO!! So I ordered some food from grubhub and it made me feel better for a little bit. Then it hit me again. I'm getting fomo. How can i celebrate the 4th. of july? and listen I’m not the most patriotic citizen, and to be honest, i’m not big on independence day. although I am big on the celebrations itself, whether or not i really give a fuck about the reason of the celebration .

i decided to try lsd for the first time, and it was def the most sensational type of high i’ve ever experienced. especially bc it was laced with some other strong ass shit, which i didn't really know until i got tested positive for other stuff. I didn't rly mind tho, i had a good time regardless. My therapist was not happy ofc, so they actually told me that they may have to send me to a 30 day rehabilitation program if things don’t improve within the next week. It’s either that, or I have to stay at a psych ward for 7 days minimum, which isnt as bad, given that it’s so easy to trick them into thinking that you’re doing well within the span of a week. But either way, i’ll be stripped away from any sort of communication with all of you. unless i can memorize all of your number. not tryna do all that.

I'm against it, obviously. I’m functioning! I should be fine.

The reason why i’m not making such a big deal out of this is bc I’m not being too irresponsible with everything. Honestly i really do believe that they’re just trying to profit off of me. No one really knows what to do in those places. None of the staff members really know what they were getting themselves into. If you’re there for the money, why cant you at least try to put some effort on the shit tht you were supposed to do?

if i do end up in one in the future, best believe i’m pulling up in the corniest fit ever

but fr tho i actually have to start putting some effort because i’m not trying to go to some goddamn facility. I have many plans for this summer and living in a place w a bunch of druggiez isnt my thing. if all fails, i hope to be grouped with cool people.

i met someone on roblox, which i’ve spent a few hours with….at night. it was fun okay, and im not for edating, but this is entertaining for me. i wonder how many ppl he’s groomed online. better yet, i wonder how many people get groomed on roblox??? He’s 21 btw i forgot to mention, and yeah he does sound like it. Thats all i can say tho.

The thing is, you’ll never know if your the groomer or the groomee. Edating is so funny to me despite the times that i’ve attempted to do so. I got out of that phase towards the beginning(-ish?) of 9th grade. After that, I’ve just started fishing for some creepy pedos online and i tried to see if i can get money off of them. I found many, but they all wanted my fucking face to be in pictures/videos and they wanted to be able to hear my voice and such, like how desperate can you be? Theyre all really fucking pathetic and it just pissed me off seeing people live like that. Discord users are really something else……..

just dont edate. It's that easy.

One thing that I have noticed is that I kinda have a problem with older men. Why am I writing about this online rather than telling a professional about this? Idk but I just felt like it needs to be talked about. No, I don't have daddy issues, which proves that it's only a common stereotype. Women have such a great amount of power, simply just by existing. Next thing you know, you've hypnotized them into throwing their cash onto you.

#naturalbornkillascore

[robzombies-hotwife]

I wish rich people would stop saying "scholarships and grants make college equal for low-income students! Poor people who take out loans are stupid and irresponsible!"

Oh hey, I'm a person who can speak of my own experience being a "good poor" smart kid who "pulled myself up by my bootstraps" and didn't take out loans. Let me tell you the sheer level of misery I lived in.

It started when I was 14. My mom stayed up all night to put me in the lottery for a spot at a charter school 30 minutes away by train. In my state, charters are free and public, they're just smaller with a dedicated focus (mine was STEM and early college). Luckily, I got in. I'd wish I didn't but my local public high school was a severely underfunded trash fire with a very low-quality of education. Both of my older siblings went there and they both said it was awful.

From that day until I graduated college at 21, my life was an out-of-control rollercoaster that yanked me along without ever giving me a chance to breathe or think for myself or develop a real personality and sense of self.

I entered a local college at 16 through my school's early college program. Tuition was free through the school, but class fees, textbooks, and other life expenses were so high I had to get a job and worked 20-30 hours a week at minimum wage to afford it. My most severe period of substance abuse was at this time because the stress threatened to pull me under every day. I had one short-term volatile relationship with someone who made me feel ugly that ended badly because I also couldn't give her any time or energy to make up for being me. I graduated at 18 with an Associate's and no debt, but also no friends or any good memories of high school. I openly begged my mother not to put my younger brother through the same thing when he started high school last year and thankfully, she didn't and he's happy as a normal teenager. They're in an economically better place now so maybe he'll have his college or trade school paid for in the future.

Normally, the first 2 years of college are supposed to be general studies, where you try a lot of things and figure out what you want to do with your life. Unfortunately, since I got my generals out of the way to save money in high school, but didn't have time or independence to develop any desires/goals of my own, I was on a time crunch after I graduated with a lot of pressure to immediately jump to high-level classes on a degree track. Even though I didn't have any actual interests or a plan for a degree I wanted, I transferred to my state university with some grants and scholarships. A gap year to decide what I wanted for myself or even what I was interested in was impossible because I would've lost those scholarships, so the current pulled me along. The scholarships I had required 15 credits a semester (high end of normal course load) and nearly straight A's. They also didn't cover housing, so I spent at least 4 hours on public transit a day because I had to live with my parents. Between that commute and my job (I still had to pay fees/books/food/etc), I missed A LOT of class and assignments. Even when I lived in the university's city for 2 semesters on the cheaper housing option without an expensive required meal plan, I had to work constantly at my shitty $8/hour deli job just to afford the rent, school stuff and food, though there were some months I went hungry because the paycheck didn't cover it. And I missed class and assignments so often that it was almost like I wasn't in school at all. I got fired from the deli during finals week because I was so goddamn exhausted and frazzled that I was late for a few shifts and snapped at people a couple of times.

And it was all for nothing because I ended up losing those scholarships for low grades anyway 💁

Fortunately, I only had one incredibly stressful semester left because I forced a 23-credit final semester for financial reasons. I moved back to my parents' and had my 4-hour commute again, plus the now full-time job I had to work to make up for the lost scholarship money. I graduated with a Bachelor's in December 2019 with a GPA below 3.0, no recommendations or internships (because I can't afford to work for free), and no good memories of college. I didn't even get a graduation ceremony for my trouble because of COVID.

I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD and medicated until May 2022 (so that undiagnosed condition added to my stress and inability to manage life), but I spent most of my time from 16-21 suicidally depressed because of university and the fact I had to work and travel constantly to afford to go when I couldn't even enjoy it or learn anything at all. I didn't date at all in college (or even now tbh) because my brain just screamed "how the fuck would you even have time for a relationship? You'd make them miserable" so now I'm 23, with a degree, no debt, and a steady career but severely under-socialized.

My situation is not unique. In fact, it's probably the furthest thing from unique. Some of my exact details are individual, but this is the fucking reality for most low-income students who try to live the American Dream and move up in the world through education. It is worse for students, particularly those who are racial minorities or have immigrant parents, who come from even lower income households, didn't have some of the opportunities I did (like free charter schools to make up for poorly funded public schools), or live in more expensive states. Work and struggle and sacrifice for years to go to a college where you don't have the time or energy to go to classes or study the textbooks you gave up your life to afford, all for a degree that you'll MAYBE be able to use for a career you don't hate.

I like my career (teaching ESL), but I had to pay $1k for a course to get a certificate because my Bachelor's degree, though somewhat practical, was utterly worthless for finding a job that pays actual money because research positions are usually unpaid. I never had a choice, because studying something creative is like studying unicorns and fairies when you're poor, but there are so many things I love that I wish I could've trained in instead. There was no point from 16-21 where I could've said "hey, make it stop, I can't breathe, I need time to think!" because I would have fucked up my entire life, possibly forever. Living life like that is like dancing on the edge of a knife with a cliff on either side: one wrong move and you slice your feet open and plummet to your death. There's no point mourning what happiness I could have had if I had lived normally, I just have to swallow my grief and move on.

And if you think "hey, that life sounds like it fucking sucks, I'll just take out loans"? Good luck ever paying those back because the interest is insane. That is, if Uncle Sam doesn't get you for missing a payment.

I don't blame my parents who genuinely tried their best to get me through school so I could have a better, easier life than they did. We've had a lot of therapeutic talks about my experiences and I have recieved some nice apologies for the pressure I was under as a teenager. I'm trying to learn to be happy and discover things I actually like and want now, but the fear of having to start college over again if I find something else I want to do sometimes keeps me awake at night in a panic.

I blame the highly exploitative and unfair system of American higher education. I blame the capitalists that keep wages low and prices high. I blame the society that shoves "exceptional" kids into the rigorous responsibilites of adulthood without letting them actually develop as people.

Most of all, I blame the out-of-touch fucking goverment who has the audacity to say eduaction is the great equalizer.

[alyjojo]

Love Reading 🫡 - January 2024 - Pisces

Singles:

Overall energy: Queen of Wands

How you will meet: The Chariot rev

How they will treat you: Wheel of Fortune rev

Long-term Potential: 4 Cups

You don’t want this person. There’s probably a history here, and if it ended before, you feel it was for a good reason, you’re not really interested in them making a comeback. Or taking it further if it’s a one-go type of connection. It’s like they come to you in a way of “I’ve changed!” and it’s like, the last time was 10 Swords so…good for you, still not interested. The preshuffle shows you refraining from any impulsive, spontaneous or passionate connections, you don’t want them. This 10 Swords can also be how they feel, when you inevitably reject them. Queen of Wands gets what they want, people don’t tell them no 💯 and their message of “follow my lead” would indicate they’re used to that. You’re probably the only person that will, but you will, you don’t seem to want anything to do with this. Long term, you still don’t care, and if anything you get more clarity on that, not regretting moving away from this person.

Messages -

Their side:

- I look at your pictures…a LOT

- Follow My Lead

Your side:

- This was only temporary for me.

- I need a BREAK from this.

Oracles -

Their side: PHOENIX 🔥

- New Phase & Rekindle

- Renew & Growth

- Changed Mind

- Rise from Ashes

Your side: CLOCK 🕰️

- Needing Time

- Cycles & Takes Time

- Time to Heal

- Progressing

Signs you may be dealing with:

Aries, Cancer, Leo & Sagittarius

Couples:

Overall energy: The Magician

Current: 4 Pentacles rev

Challenge: Death

How they feel about you: 10 Wands

How you feel about them: 4 Wands

Outcome: King of Cups rev

Don’t take this the wrong way but…I think you’re having a dunce moment this month. Someone is. Just clarifying The Magician & 4 Pentacles rev I heard “scam” and see what looks like buyer’s remorse. Something looked way better on paper, or in the commercial, something you’ve probably spent a pretty penny on it, and are now kicking yourself. Or your person is kicking you. I don’t get manipulation per se, I get over idealistic romanticism and positivity, aka you fooled yourself, and now you’re pissed about it. No judgement here, I dunce everyday of my life 🙃

The challenge being Death is more something being recognized, coming to light, probably this over idealistic way of seeing things. Toxic positivity? It is a thing, at least when you’re getting scammed it is. There’s a fine line between logic and negative thinking though, good luck striking that balance. Whatever is “ending” is positive and for the best, could just be a perspective on something. This person feels a lot of heavy pressure and probably irritation at the money being spent on whatever this “little fascination” is or was, like maybe you decide sewing is your passion, and spent $200 on yarn just to realize you can’t/shouldn’t use yarn in a sewing machine that you also bought…and didn’t keep receipts. I mean “burdened” is better than “pissed off”, but yeah they’re feeling it @ you.

I was going to go a different direction with your feelings, but I was told to get messages between them & you, and now see why 😆 Up to this point, you’ve felt secure, stable, the relationship was great. While you’re probably being lectured a bit (if that) on your actions here, it’s more this person doesn’t “deserve” it per say, but they’re just as freakin bad as you are, if not worse. They’re literally labeled “irresponsible” so, while you have made a financial oops, it seems like more of a lesson for you to learn, and a regular thing for them. Will they learn too? Maybe, hopefully, they show up as impulsive Knight of Wands energy so probably not. If anything, by mid-Feb I get them acting in a way that’s like…stonewalling? Punishing you via immature behavior and bs, for acting or doing the exact same thing and mirroring them? That’s a deeper problem 🙏 and could be something Spirit is trying to show you. It’s all good when they do it right? At the end of the day, are you being over idealistic over some yarn 🧶 or was the yarn simply a method of Spirit showing you it’s much more than yarn? I also get this person “coming around” from their sulk tantrum or whatever this King of Cups rev is supposed to show. Manipulative bs is what it is. You’ve got the runner card, they’ve got sus behavior, there’s a lot to learn between you, and it all starts with self accountability.

Messages -

Their side:

- Adrenaline Junkie

- Irresponsible

Your side:

- You INSPIRE me in every way 🤩

- Living My Life

Oracles -

Their side: SWORD & ROSE 🗡️🌹

- Clarity & Truth

- Revelations

- Honor & Protection

- Determination

Your side: THE RUNNER 🏃‍♀️

- Fear of Intimacy

- Running Away

- Intensity & Letting Go

- Turmoil & Fleeting

Signs you may be dealing with:

Heavy Aquarius, Scorpio, Sagittarius & Leo

#Pisces #love reading #january 2024 #singles reading #couples reading #tarot #free tarot

[last-night-is-a-blur]

Not going to talk about the socially problematic aspects of Fate Winx,  since other have already done that, and many of them probably better than I could. The whitewashing was inexusable. Aisha deserved better in s1. Things got at least somewhat better in s2. But here are some non-representation related comments I have:

If Bloom was such a misfit/loner, why not give the viewers a taste of why she had such a hard time fitting in back on earth? Was she bullied? Did she sense things/react differently to things because she is fairy, so people wrote her off as weird? Did she just subconciously sense she was different from humans and therefor felt lonely and out of place and chose to isolate herself (better to be alone than being surronded by people that make you feel alone?). Did it have anything to do with her being a fairy, or is it simply because of how she is as a person, or was she just unlucky to be chosen as a the class bullying victim and after years of bullying she just started to believe that she was weird and withdrew, thereby missing oppurtunities at making friends and maybe also fell behind on her social developement because she spent so much time during her formative years alone?

I personally wished that Bloom was an example of “strong but unskilled” instead of being naturally talented, especially since the first episode focused a lot on her struggling to control her powers and how desparate she was to master them quickly.

I am torn between liking the characters in Fate, and wishing they were more like their OG selves, especially Riven, flora, stella and Aisha. 

While I didn’t hate Fate Stella’s character, and I feel that it was the right call to double down on the pressure of being a princess given the themes and tone of show, I really loved Stella’s original character in season 1 of the animated show and I feel like that characterzation would have worked well in this show as well: smart yet impulsive, outgoing yet insecure, spoiled but not elitist, vain and hedonistic yet brave, loyal and caring, tries to mask her pain and deflects using humour, irresponsible in certain matters, but dependable in a crisis.

Honestly, FateStella is almost excatly what I wished Diaspro had been. The love triangle between her, Bloom and Sky was way better than the love triangle between Diaspro, Sky and Bloom in Winx Club. 

Aisha was uptight about things I don’t think OG Aisha would have been. Still, I like this Aisha too, and how she fits into the group dynamic (the responsible one, that doesn’t want to be the team mom, but keeps ending up having to be the voice of reason at times).

Honestly I used to think OG Flora was boring, but thinking about it, I think there was more to her than just the calm, gentle mom friend. She was an overprotective sister, she was tempted to cheat during s1 on a test and she was too shy to make a move on Helia at first, and she could be bit over the top with her plants as shown in the episode where one of her creations ties tecna up in a closet. So while while I like Terra and Fate Flora, then I feel like a lot could have been done with Flora.

Speaking of Terra. It would have been cool if her insecurities hadn’t revolved about her body image. her looks being something she didn’t care about, while she was more insecure about how she comes across as a person. Maybe she is nervous to be around people her own age because she hasn’t done that a lot, besides her brother, and maybe Sky.

I like this both Fate Riven and OG. OG Riven was more serious about his training. OG Riven was bitter responsible vs irresponsible dynamic btw Sky and Riven, then og riven was competivie as hell, and while not good at team work, then he was a competent specialist on his own. Fate Riven felt like he was afraid to even try, or that he did try at first, but gave up because he couldn’t catch up to Sky, or that he simply didn’t care about being a godd specialist to begin with.

Also, Fate riven was a party boy. OG riven was an introverted, cranky loner that sat in the corner at parties by himself.

I did find the whole Riven and sky being friends from the start to be one of the best changes fate made. If there is one thing s1 of the og show did wrong was making riven too unlikable and not being real friends with the specialist, so him siding with the trix didn’t feel as impactful as if he had been actual friends with at least one of his team mates before things turning sour. Even though Riven didn’t end up betraying anyone, it was still fun to watch their dynamic. 

#ftws #fate the winx saga

[diary-in-disguise]

It all Comes Crumbling Down 10/24/22

I have worked so hard for this server. I have listened to so many people and been through so much insults. From name calling and being called a cunt, to being caller irresponsible, and having all the things I like scorned just for the sake of it. I feel awful because I have put so much time into it. For my art, for the people, for the server itself. I have updated the sheets and spent 10 hours in total on those. I have tried so hard and tried so much to make this a community for people. I know I am not perfect but I have worked and tried so hard for this place.

I have tried making things right. I have tried so hard. But It is all for not. I swear one day I gotta just pick up all my stuff and leave it behind in silence. It is all just something that I cannot take anymore. The people drive me crazy and I notice when I try to bring up any feelings or solutions on a matter, it gets ignored. I am just sick of it all. I don't like working with these two head up their ass egotistical fucks. In addition the other people neither. They have no courage to speak to my face and instead post passive aggressive responses, harassing emojis, and look to insult my work. I am too tired of it all and these people. I gotta finish my work and establish a deep distance in the end. I think that is also why I am subconsciously looking to finish things. I want nothing to do with these people anymore. It is all frustrating now. I cannot stand being told "oh nobody likes you lol" when I have put literally thousands of hours into this place. I just cannot take this disrespect from this community.

I think it may be in my best interest to try and find a replacement for myself. I have a couple people in mind, but I just don't know. I'm probably the hardest working of the bunch. And definitely the one with most reason. I will finish up what I have left and move on. I would like to move on no later than January 30th, 2023. I dont know what my feelings will be like until then. But I just will have to see. I feel like I am living a nightmare everyday I am in this place. The ESTJ likes me too much and that is also a nightmare because i do not feel the same. But since he is the developer, if i am gone he goes too.

And that leaves INFP and the ISTP developer with their work. It just feels like a huge loss. Because their game will take precedence over ours. And when I go, i want to be gone for good. Thats for sure. To never speak to these people again, to never have to deal with their shit again. It is why its so hard to make a move. It jsut looks like a huge loss anywhere I look.

[realcube]

haikyuu!! boys with a s/o that becomes clingy/affectionate while drunk

characters: kyōtani, kenma, iwaizumi, matsukawa and bokuto

thank you anon for this marvellous request mwah

ALL CHARACTERS ARE AGED UP!

tw// drinking, suggestive themes, sexual references, swearing

Kentarō Kyōtani

kyōtani was used to having a cool, laid-back s/o who was just as awkward about physical touch as he was 

i mean, that’s kinda a part of the reason he liked you so much - so y’all could get over your awkwardness together

so imagine his surprise when his usually level-headed, calm s/o came stumbling out of the club, a blubbering mess and threw themselves into his arms, wailing something about a maths test

THE AMOUNT OF EMOTIONS THAT FLOODED HIS MIND IN THAT ONE MOMENT OMFG ADFGHJKL

he was like ‘omg why are they touching me? i kinda like it- wait are they crying? tf? i ain’t ever seen them cry before- should i help them? lord everyone is looking at us now. so what the fuck do i do- AYE DON’T TOUCH ME THERE’

so he had no choice but to dip with you flung over his shoulder lol

he took you back to your shared apartment and forced you to drink some water and instead of ordering a take-out, he just gave you his leftover burrito which he took to the club smh

it was probably cold 

but that was the best he could think of at the time bc he simply needed to shut you up with food bc the alcohol in your system was causing you to become especially touchy, hence resulting in kyōtani getting especially aroused

but the last thing he’d do is fuck you while you’re drunk and i firmly believe that despite the fact kyōtani is a bit of a lout - he still has like a basic moral compass

but i mean if you kept being so damn suggestive then it was gonna be a lot harder for him to resist his urges

you were rubbing him up and shit, calling him every pet name in the book so ofc he just stuck a burrito in your mouth and went ‘stfu 😡’

the painful part was that he was silently enjoying it too (┬┬﹏┬┬)

(though, he was red from blushing lol, not anger) 

and he wasn’t used to it either so obviously he was gonna get flustered, i mean, everything was happening all at once

oh and you told him ‘i love you’ and he literally combusted like lord have mercy on this man 

just that morning you were calling him your ‘annoying rat boyfriend’ (jokingly, ofc) and now you love him?-

that wasn’t the first time you told him that you loved him but he was still blushing none the less 

and he stammered out a ‘love you too’ PRAYING that you wouldn’t remember any of this the following day

anyway, he cuddled you to sleep and railed you as soon as you sobered up - the end ❤

Kenma Kozume

pov: you’re kenma happily being a wallflower in the club then your s/o approaches you, demanding for you to fuck them 

- ok, end of POV - 

anyway, your speech was slurred so kenma wasn’t really sure if that was what you were asking him to do but if it was, he would’ve happily obliged if it wasn’t for the fact you were clearly drunk

mans was blushing though

bc y’all hardly ever do it but now - all of a sudden - you were tightly wrapped around him, garbling erotic threats into his ear

kenma was worried at first but you were like..really weak

so it wasn’t hard to get you off his torso, usher you out of the club and grip your hand as he ordered a taxi 

also kenma had read enough wattpad fanfictions to know how to deal with someone while they’re drunk 

but none of those fanfictions ever mentioned a single thing about how to deal with yourself while your partner is drunk

like seriously..he was in pain

both from the throbbing erection he had and the aching embarrassment he felt - both stemming from the fact you tried to give him a lap dance in taxi ✋ please oml

anyway, he took you back to his apartment and insisted that you have a few slices of the left-over pizza in the fridge along with a glass of water

after you changed into your pyjamas, you had clearly sobered up slightly as you could now compose coherent sentences

but that wasn’t any better for him bc now you were draped over him, whimpering into his ear about how much you love him

‘i’m so lucky to have you, kenma. i love you so much. you remind me of my first cat - you’re such a cat- i mean, blessing..you’re such a blessing.’ 

ngl, at that point he would be at a loss for words, just deciding to hug you until you fall asleep

like he finds it so cute that you’re finally opening up to him about how you feel as you’re usually quite composed and restrained 

but also- what does he do now? 

you eventually fell asleep in his arms and the next day, you woke up to kenma having made breakfast and telling you how much he adores you which was..confusing, to say the least

he told you about how you acted when you were drunk and to say you were embarrassed would be an understatement 

also, he’ll tease you about it for the rest of your life ;)

Hajime Iwaizumi

literally all you had to do was send him a text like ‘iwa...,,.,...ily so mycj ❤’’ and he’s already waiting in the line to get into the club lol

he marches in there, finds you, grabs your hand and drags you home 

let’s hope that your friends know what iwaizumi looks like so they don’t have to just watch a random guy haul you out the club-

and tries to act all like angry iwaizumi >:( but when you are trailing behind him, muttering about how amazing he is, he becomes more like angy iwa grrr (* ￣︿￣)

by that, i mean that angry iwaizumi would bring you home and lecture on how irresponsible it is to get so intoxicated 

but angy iwa just takes care of you but with a disapproving scowl 

and angry iwaizumi would make nasty, bitchy remarks about how inappropriate your outfit is 

while angy iwa would be like ‘babe, your outfit is lovely but maybe wear something different next time, idk....’

either way, he takes good care of you 

he makes sure you eat (and he cooks good food btw - he doesn’t make you eat leftovers lmao) 

he lets you change into more comfortable clothes

he ensures that you don’t die in the shower 

and he forces you to go to bed

but all of that is rather difficult when you’re clinging to him like your life depends on it, raving on about how sweet of a boyfriend he is and covering his face sloppy kisses

his original plan was to go train some more in his gym (yes, there is a gym in y’alls house-) but when you were peppering his cheek in kisses, begging him to stay with you for whatever reason, of course he didn’t have the balls to leave

 so he ended up laying like a log in bed as you cuddled up to him like koala, resting your head in his chest and allowing him to run his hand through your hair as you slept

in that moment - as he stared down at your tranquil figure - he realised how grateful he was for moments like these, as he finally got see a side of you that he knew you’d almost never exhibit when you’re sober

like yeah, you often tell him how much you love him but he can always tell that it’s as if you’re setting aside your pride to say such a thing but now, you’re gushing on about it with the most genuine look in your eyes, he can tell that you’re being completely sincere 

and to say that he adores it would be an understatement 

so yeah, you were kind of a pain while drunk but you were also the most adorable thing that iwaizumi had ever laid his eyes on (. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)

Issei Matsukawa

ok so the only reason matsukawa wasn’t getting drunk with you was bc the first time y’all got drunk together he got fined for public indecency and you got done for public intoxication

so you decided that it was best (for your wallets) if you took turns getting tipsy

emphasis on ‘tipsy’ bc you both went to the bar together (along with a few friends) and you promised matsukawa that you’d only have a few drinks 

so please explain to him why he is now having to carry you bridal style out of the bar because you are too hammered to walk properly 

and he was kinda grumpy bc he had to leave his friends mid-conversation bc not only were you pestering him but also, the erotic things you were whispering in his ear caused him to get a boner

and he was getting weird looks from people as he carried you home but that was the least of his problems tbh- he didn’t even notice lol

the biggest issue on his mind rn was the fact that you made him hard yet you can’t help him bc you’re drunk smh 

like he was tempted at first bc you seemed down to do it but he quickly came back to reality and realised how morally incorrect that’d be 

so he was mumbling curses the whole way home just to tune you out bc if he paid any more attention to the racy promises you were muttering in his ear- he’d explode

he’s alright at taking care of you like he isn’t iwaizumi’s level of caring but he’s a close second, i mean he’s gotten drunk plenty of times so he knows the basics

he was like ‘drink water idk lol ’

anyway, once he handled himself he wasn’t too fazed by your lustful advances

and he was so smug about it too deadass like ‘keep talkin’ me up, (y/n), you ain’t getting shit until you’re sober.’

smh ANYWAY he thinks you’re so charming when you’re like lovey-dovey drunk but SO annoying when you’re horny drunk bc like- he can’t get some (T_T)

Kōtarō Bokuto 

best for last 👌

ok anyway he’s an athlete and he doesn’t need alcohol to have a good time- he’s forever drunk tbh- drunk on life :)

so while you’re getting hammered with your pals, he’s doing stupid shit while sober lol

once you both rendezvous outside the club to head home and you’re absolutely steamin- he’s just like ‘hi, babe! how’s your night been?’

SO OBLIVIOUS OML

anyway, he drives back to y’alls house and since you’re fatigued at first, you spent 90% of the car ride sleeping

but when you get home, more awake, you’re all up on him

but you’re not like sensual drunk- more like..emotional drunk but with love 🥺

so basically you are sobbing into his chest about whatever and bc he is an such empath he will start crying too, or at least get a bit emotional 

you could say something like, ‘omg, bo. i hardly get to see you because you’re at work so often- i wish i could spend more time with you. i miss you so much’  ╯︿╰

and he would deadass reply whole-heartedly while weeping into your shoulder, ‘I’M QUITTING VOLLEYBALL, (Y/N)!!’

(ok, so maybe he was a bit tipsy too- but like..definitely not has drunk as you)

he has no idea where to start when it comes to taking care of you but he tries (´◡` ‘) 

at the very least, he ensures that you don’t having any more alcohol and that you don’t die somehow 

he’s v overprotective though 

you could be getting a fork to eat your instant-noodles with and he’ll be like 

‘apologies ✋ but i cannot allow you to handle such a dangerous weapon while intoxicated. maybe eat with a spoon instead, idk.’ /h

other than that, he just cuddles you to sleep and deals with you in your badly hungover state the next day

#haikyuu!! #haikyu x reader #haikyū!! #haikyuu x gn!reader #haikyuu x gender neutral reader #kyotani kentaro #kyotani x y/n #kyotani fluff #kyotani x reader #kyotani hcs #kyotani headcanons #kyotani x you #kenma x reader #timeskip kenma #kenma scenario #kenma x y/n #kenma kuzome #iwaizumi imagine #kenma fluff #iwaizumi fluff #iwaizumi hcs #iwaizumi x reader #hq iwaizumi #iwaizumi x you #matsukawa fluff #hq matsukawa #matsukawa x reader #matsukawa hcs #issei x y/n #hq issei

[wlwmarvelenthusiast]

Turn Your Luck

Summary: After a day filled with bad luck and a series of unfortunate events, Natasha manages to turn your day around

Pairing: Reader x Natasha Romanoff

Warnings: None

Words: 6,167

When you woke up in the morning and smacked your big toe off your bed frame, you didn't even think twice of it. It sent a jolt all throughout your foot, but after a few swear words, you were already feeling a little better. You didn't bother making the bed you'd just stood up out of. All your life you'd reasoned that it wouldn't be 24 hours before you just messed it up again. You grabbed a towel and moved into the bathroom. The hot shower made you forget all about the sore toe you'd been sporting only a moment earlier.

You were feeling great when you stepped out of the shower. The warm water had always instilled comfort into your very bones even this early in the morning. You wiped some of the condensation off the mirror to brush your teeth. The tube of toothpaste was completely empty, and the drawer where you usually kept the new ones was also barren. You rolled your eyes at your own irresponsibility, before brushing your teeth without any toothpaste and then using some mouthwash to try and compensate for it. You stepped out of the bathroom.

You got dressed in your favourite white shirt and black pants before making your way into the kitchen. You tossed your phone onto the counter as you passed it on the way to the small kitchen table. You were after the fruit bowl, which was already needing a refill. There were still a few apples left, though, and you were expecting to have one for breakfast. You were mistaken. You pulled the empire apple out of the blue bowl to find the bottom had grown immensely soft and was clearly not in any condition to be eaten. You were disappointed but tossed it into the compost bin and moved on.

Humming a soft tune as you moved, you popped a pod into the single-serve coffee maker and pressed start. You were moving toward the fridge in no time when a strange noise caught your attention. You whirled to face the coffee maker. Instead of the steady stream of coffee you usually got, it was spraying the hot liquid like it was a shaken pop can. You jumped behind the small island, using it as a shield. Thankfully, you'd managed to keep your white shirt safe from the wrath of the coffee. When it stopped, you finally dared step back into the kitchen. The dark liquid was dripping down every nearby surface. You huffed, running some paper towel across the biggest surfaces quickly.

You gave up on the coffee. It seemed you weren't going to get it anyway. You glared at the machine as if it had intentionally smitten you. Instead, you reached into the fridge instead and poured a glass of orange juice for yourself. You sipped it before setting it back onto the countertop. When your phone buzzed and indicated an incoming message, you reached for it. Your elbow hit your glass and it fell onto its side. The orange liquid spilled off the counter and into your white shirt. You gave the mess the middle finger, tossing a dishtowel on it to soak it up, with the intention of actually cleaning it after work. You already had to clean the coffee up anyway.

Any attempt at breakfast was abandoned. After the three kitchen incidents combined, you were convinced you'd be better off heading to some drive-thru on the way to work. Now in a new blue shirt, you grabbed your bag and headed out your front door. You unlocked your car, slid into the driver's seat, and hit the ignition. The car sputtered for a few seconds, before refusing to start. You tried again, and then again, before groaning, taking out your frustration on the steering wheel in front of you. You stood up and stepped back out of the vehicle, slamming the door behind you with much more force than necessary.

Then, it was off to the bus stop. You headed down the sidewalk to the nearest one, pulling out your phone as you walked so you could check your app to find out when the next bus was coming. When you saw big red letters informing you that the bus was halted until further notice, though, you had to refrain from throwing your phone hard into the concrete. You supposed you should have had a little sympathy for those in the accident that had halted your bus, but you couldn't find it in yourself right then. Your morning was not going well.

It was a good thing you hadn't smashed your phone against the sidewalk. It was the only thing you could use to get you to work now. You switched apps and ordered an Uber to come to pick you up. When the driver arrived, you climbed into the back seat and gave him the address of your place of work. He nodded and pressed his foot down on the gas. Your eyes had been glued on your phone, but your gaze flickered at the driver's movement. He was adjusting the mirror and you were absolutely sure he'd angled it to face you a little better. You could have puked when you realized the creep was checking you out. You didn't say anything, at this point just wanting to get to work and be done with it.

You practically sprinted into the building when you arrived. Security didn't seem to mind your rush, having seen your face every day for over three years anyway. You hopped up the stairs two at a time, faster than the elevator would have been able to carry you anyway. When you reached the meeting room door you took a few seconds to catch your breath, not wanting to seem too flustered in your professional environment. When you finally pushed the door open, everyone was rising to their feet. Their eyes all darted up to glance at you. You smiled sheepishly.

"You're late."

"I know, I'm sorry." That was honest. You might have been frustrated, but you hadn't wanted to inconvenience any of your coworkers as well. "I've really had a rough morning."

Your boss nodded. "We've all had those days. I'll send you an email and give you a summary."

You thanked him and left the meeting room with everyone else. You trudged into your office, throwing your bag to the floor, and refraining from slamming the door behind you. You collapsed into your office chair and closed your eyes for a brief moment. But you didn't have time for that. The paperwork on your desk needed your attention. You gave it. The hours you spent on all the files, emails, and documents were the smoothest thing that had happened all day, even if it was mind-numbingly boring and felt absolutely endless. It might have been smooth sailing, but it didn't brighten your spirits at all.

When your phone rang, you reached out blindly until you felt your hand come in contact with it. You shuffled it until it was upright in your hand. You were so completely absorbed in the document that was displayed on your computer screen that you didn't even bother to look at your phone as you fumbled to slide the answer bar. Only when the incessant ringing had finally ceased did you know you'd successfully answered the call. You hesitated before you slowly raised the phone to your ear, eyes still scanning the lines in front of you.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Hun."

Immediately you regretted not checking the caller ID before answering the phone. You could have kicked yourself. In fact, the move was so ridiculously and incredibly stupid that you could have beaten yourself to a pulp. The voice on the other end of the line was familiar, completely unwelcome, and not a surprise after having the day that you were having. You turned away from the screen, resting your elbow on the desk and massaging the migraine that was beginning to form in your forehead. You sighed heavily, sure she heard it.

"Hi," you stated. "What?"

"Hun-"

"Please stop calling me that, I already asked you."

You had asked her that. Multiple times. You'd broken up months ago after she'd broken your heart. Catching her in bed with someone else had left you shattered and unsure if you could trust anyone. You'd been okay for a couple months now after some comfort and reassurance from your best friend, who you were having dinner with tonight. You glanced at the time. Your attention was unfortunately brought back to the girl on the phone, though, when she sighed your name as if she were the one who was hurt. She had no right to be hurt.

"I just-"

"I'm working," you finally said bluntly. "Is it urgent?"

"No. No, I'm sorry. I... I can call you tomorrow."

You wanted to snap and tell her not to bother, but you didn't. You just nodded despite her not being able to see it, said goodbye, and hung up. Once more you were faced with the urge to smash the stupid phone. Once more you fought it, instead shoving it into a drawer so you could ignore it and work on the mountains of paperwork you had to get through before your six o'clock reservations. You got back to it. Soon enough, the information was able to push your ex far from your mind. You didn't want to think about her anyway.

It felt like it had been eons since you'd arrived at work, and yet, according to the clock in the corner of your screen, you still had over an hour until your reservation. You might have slammed your head down onto the desk in front of you had two things not stopped you. The first was the migraine that was still throbbing in your head, and the second was the ringing of your office phone. Even though you knew she couldn't call you on here, you checked the caller ID before you picked up this time. It was the front desk.

"Hey, Tamara. What's up?

"There's someone here for you. She said you're going to miss your reservations."

"Reservations? It's only 4:45."

Tamara hesitated. "Daylight savings. It's 5:45."

You had entirely forgotten about that and even if you hadn't, you would have expected the computer would auto-update something like that. But you had forgotten, and the computer hadn't jumped forward, and now you were going to be late, and you still hadn't turned in the file that you'd promised to turn in today. You groaned in frustration, but transferred the file to a flash drive, shoved it into your bag, and left your office. Clearly, everyone else had remembered the time change, as the office was empty.

You cursed all of your coworkers in your head. You made for the elevator. When you stepped on and hit the button to bring you down to the lobby, you actually crossed your fingers. With your luck, all of the cables on the elevator would snap and you'd plummet all the way to the parking garage and die in a fiery explosion. Thankfully, your little gesture of luck seemed to work, for the doors slid open safe and sound in the lobby. As you stepped out, though, your bag hit the door, and the company ID snapped off and slipped in that tiny little crack between the elevator and the floor and out of sight. You cursed loudly.

You didn't dare shine your flashlight down the crack to try and see how far it'd gone; either your phone would have gone down after it out the doors would have slammed shut on either side of your skull. Neither of those things were a chance you were willing to take. You abandoned your ID and continued to the front desk, letting Tamara know what had happened. She nodded in understanding before pointing out your best friend, who had come to collect you after you'd let her know this morning that you'd taken an Uber to work. You approached her and tapped her shoulder.

"Hey," she said brightly.

"Hey, Nat."

Natasha Romanoff was the best thing to happen to you all day. She was your very best friend. Too, maybe you wanted her to be a little more. She was the most beautiful woman you'd ever laid eyes on, the red waves on her head only accentuating her emerald green irises, which sparkled when she smiled at you. That was only her physical beauty. Though she was, to most everyone that knew her, a tough, scary Avenger, you knew it was a façade. Natasha was the kindest, most generous, selfless, and caring person you'd ever had the pleasure of knowing.

"Tamara tells me you forgot about daylight saving time started last night."

"Shut up," you grumbled.

"Irritable because you lost an hour of sleep?"

"Nat," you said, already feeling bad for snapping at her. You rubbed your head. "I'm not having the greatest of days."

That was how your friendship with Nat was. You both understood that not every day was a good day. She tried to convince you not to compare, but you especially understood that. Natasha had been through hell on Earth when she was a child and you wished with every fibre of your heart that you could bear some of that for her. But you couldn't, and you were sure that if you could have, she wouldn't let you. So instead, you understood the bad days, and in turn, she did too. When you stated that today was one of those days, she turned to you with concern sparkling in those beautiful eyes.

"You okay?" She asked.

Your heart fluttered when her hand took yours.

It was a friendly gesture, of course, but you couldn't help but wish it otherwise. You wanted to hold her hand and have it not be just as a friend. You wanted to be able to intertwine your fingers with hers and squeeze her hand tight and feel that constant touch against her. You didn't want it to be friendly, you wanted it to be more. You wanted it to be so much more. You wanted to call her yours and for her to call you hers. But she was just a friend, and it was far better than nothing.

You hadn't always believed that someone could fall in love without some sort of a romantic relationship leading up to it. Now you realized it didn't need to be romantic. You and Natasha were close. You were closer than you'd ever been with anyone before. Because of that relationship, you knew you loved her. You were head over heels in love with her at this point, and you'd realized that a little while ago when you caught yourself fondly admiring her as she drummed her fingers against the table, deep in thought. It was a habit that had once had the ability to drive you up the wall.

"Hello?" She tried again. Her hand squeezed yours.

Your stomach flipped. "Yeah. I'm alright. Just waiting for my bad luck to run out."

"What happened?"

"What didn't happen?" You scoffed. "My fruit is all spoiled, my coffee maker broke, I spilled orange juice on my favourite white shirt, my car won't start, my bus wasn't running this morning, my Uber driver was a creep, I missed my meeting, I almost missed our reservations, I lost my ID badge and... she-who-must-not-be-named called."

Natasha's eyes darkened, her hand gripped yours tighter, and her gaze moved to meet yours. You took a chance and swiped your thumb over the back of her hand to try and get her to ease the tension out of her muscles. It seemed to work, as she relaxed a little. Her shoulders moved back down, the crease in her eyebrow lessened, she loosened her grip on your hand and exhaled carefully. She nodded in thanks, green eyes once against soft and gentle as she searched your eyes. You knew she was looking for any hint of you being upset. You weren't, though. You were with her.

Natasha hated your ex-girlfriend about a hundred times more than you did. She'd begged you to let her sneak over to her house at night and slash her tires and egg her house. You'd given that a firm no, not wanting Nat to get in any sort of trouble. It was Natasha's idea to never speak her name again, and to burn a bunch of photos and clothes that were left behind at your house. She'd gone so far as to have the bench you'd once carved your names into removed from the park and replaced with a brand new one... on Tony's Starks card, of course.

"What did she want?"

"Dunno. I told her I was busy," you actually laughed a little for the first time that day. "It wasn't exactly a lie. I was swamped today."

"Hey, if Fury is overworking you, I'll kick his ass."

Imagining Natasha kicking Nicholas Fury's ass was utterly amusing. You had no doubt she could, but Fury was a force. She'd kick his ass and the next day half of S.H.I.E.L.D. would be at her doorstep to retaliate. But he was a good boss. It wasn't his fault you'd procrastinated your own work for days. That was on you, and you knew it. So, you shook your head no, he wasn't overworking you. She seemed satisfied by that, but the topic of your ex wasn't dropped yet.

"Next time she calls you can direct her straight to me."

"Tasha, you won't answer."

"Damn right I won't."

You laughed again. It brought a smile to her face too.

With that, you continued on down the street without another word of she-who-must-not-be-named. You had almost reached the restaurant where Natasha had left the reservations when you stepped on something that most definitely was not concrete. If Natasha hadn't had your hand, your leg sliding out from underneath you would have left you on your ass. She held tight to your hand, her other arm catching you around the waist. You had to force yourself from blushing red as a tomato.

You glanced down at what you'd stepped in and could have punched someone. The white paint that was being used on the storefront had spilled onto the sidewalk and of course, you'd stepped in it in your new, black shoes. You scraped the bottom of it off on the sidewalk, grumbling all the while. Natasha had let go of your hand when you'd tugged it away from her to wipe the excess paint on the side of your shoe onto the post of the 'no parking' sign next to you. It was still ruined, but at least you'd gotten enough off that you wouldn't stain the restaurant's floor.

"You weren't kidding with the bad luck, huh?"

You shook your head no. You motioned onward, though. She got the hint, and you closed the distance between you and the restaurant. You shifted your bag on your shoulder as you stepped in, hoping they wouldn't notice the wet paint you were tracking onto their floors. If you managed in and out without them seeing, you'd be alright. It was New York City. You were sure people had walked in with worse things on the underside of their shoes.

You watched Natasha closely as she gave her name for the reservation. You hated how the host eyed her even more than you hated how your Uber driver had eyed you this morning. You didn't want anyone to eye her like that. You wanted to be the only one allowed to look at her like that. You knew you weren't, though. You ripped your gaze away from where it had been travelling along her jawline just in time for the host to arrive and lead you to your table. You sat across from her, keeping your eyes down and you collected your thoughts.

"What are you having?"

When you looked up, her eyes were trained on you. Her eyes were your absolute favourite part of her. They always shone so brightly, and so clearly expressed whatever she was feeling. They sparkled like they could see into your very soul and were so deep you could get lost in them for hours. Even the colour was perfect. They were that amazing shade of green that had very quickly become your favourite colour. You often found you'd been staring into them for a little longer than what might be considered normal. Now was one of those times. You looked back down at the menu.

"I'm not sure. Definitely a drink," you hummed. "Though I might get poisoned."

She rolled her eyes. "I don't think your luck is so bad that your assassin will choose to poison you today."

No, because she would protect you from anything. She always had. You might have been a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent and perfectly capable of protecting yourself, but she was always stepping in front of you to defend you. You couldn't say you minded. You liked having her at your back. Some people had a physical location where they felt safe. You didn't. Natasha Romanoff was your safe place. When you were with her, you felt like nothing in the world could touch you. She wouldn't let anything hurt you, and you wouldn't let anything hurt her.

Soon enough the waitress was stepping up to your table and taking your order. You gave yours first, opting for a simple fettuccine alfredo. Natasha gave hers, unaware of the way you watched her lips moving as she talked. When the waitress left and she looked back to you, your eyes were cast toward the window, watching a young couple pass by, huddled close together in the cool March evening. When she called for your attention and you gave it immediately, looking over to her. She sipped her wine as you did.

"You said your car wouldn't start?" She said.

"Yeah. It keeps sputtering on and on."

"I'll drive you home and take a look at it tonight. I know a thing or two about cars."

It was a good thing she did, because you knew absolutely nothing about what was going on under the hood of the car. All you could think was that maybe the battery had died on you, but that wasn't possible. If you'd left the lights on, you would have been able to see it through the window in your bedroom the night previous, and you hadn't. There was no other reason the battery could have been drained. You'd driven the car yesterday from your house to S.H.I.E.L.D.'s New York location. You might not have known what the hell was wrong, but Natasha would figure it out in seconds. The thought of her bent over to study the underside of the hood made you shiver.

The image was pushed from your mind when the waitress returned with your food. She placed your pasta down in front of you and you thanked her politely. She set Natasha's down as well. The redhead smiled widely and after double-checking that everything was alright, the server left the two of you to your dinner. Natasha glanced up at you, a very amused smile playing on her lips. You knew exactly what it was about, too. You'd gotten the wrong order and said absolutely nothing of it. Honestly, you didn't really care. At this point in the day, you just wanted to eat.

"You could've said something," Natasha teased.

"It's nothing. I'm hungry and this is just as good."

"We can still say something."

"It's fine," you assured.

"Let's stop and buy you a couple hundred good luck charms on the way back to your place."

You laughed aloud.

Dinner was good, despite having gotten the wrong order. You suspected that was due to Natasha's presence. The two of you had been exchanging stores of the craziest missions you'd ever gone on. Of course, she was winning. She was an Avenger. Your missions as a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent were anything but boring, but they didn't compare to the alien invasion last year that Natasha had been at the heart of. You'd been helping from the edges of the city, evacuating civilians and the like, but you suspected she'd killed hundred more of the Chitauri than you did: one.

Before long you'd both finished, and the empty plates were cleared away. The server returned to you with the bill. You made sure your card was out before Natasha could even think about trying to pay. They collected your card, and you gave Natasha a very smug little smirk. She only rolled her eyes and thanked you softly. You thought all was said and done when the server returned. You prepared to leave but she shook her head, signalling you to stop what you were doing. She reached out, handing you your card back. You took it.

"I'm afraid the transaction isn't going through."

It seemed that your bad luck had struck again. You were fully confident that there was enough money in your account. There had been last night when you'd checked it, anyway. Either you'd had the misfortune of your card deciding to kick the bucket while you tried to buy dinner for Natasha, or even worse, someone had gotten into your bank account and cleared it out. That thought made your heart drop into your stomach as you reached for your phone, hardly noticing Natasha pulling out her own credit card this time.

You prayed for one tiny bit of luck today. Your prayers went unanswered. You logged into your online banking to find that someone had managed to get your credit card number and had been online shopping all day. Your card had long hit its limit and you were already dreading the phone call you were about to have with the bank. You huffed as you set your phone down roughly on the tabletop. Natasha glanced over at you as the server took her card this time. She raised an eyebrow. You were sure smoke was billowing from your ears.

"Luck isn't turning yet?"

You didn't answer that. "Thanks for dinner, Natasha."

She laughed. When the server returned her card and wished you both a good evening, she took your hand and dragged you back out the doors onto the noisy streets of New York. She was leading you back to S.H.I.E.L.D., where you knew she must have left her bike. When you got there, she scanned her ID and brought you both down into the parking garage. She brought you right to the motorbike and lifted the helmet off from where it was hanging on the handlebars. She reached out and set it on your head, doing it up underneath your chin. Her fingers brushed your skin as she worked at the straps.

"Normally I would never condone riding without a helmet, but I only have one. This head," she said, rapping her knuckles twice against the helmet on your head. "Is much more important than mine."

"Is not," you laughed. "There's hundreds of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents, but there's only six Avengers."

"And there's only one you," she insisted. "The helmet stays on that pretty little head of yours, and that's final."

That compliment seemed to awaken the butterflies in your stomach. They were still present when you both climbed onto the bike. They fluttered even more when Natasha told you to put your arms around her and hold tight. You could have stayed like this forever if she'd asked you to. You almost wanted her to ask you to, because you loved the ways your arms fit perfectly around her waist. Facing forward, she wasn't able to see the smile that was growing on your lips. Maybe all that bad luck was to make up for this.

Reluctantly, you took your arms off from around her when she pulled into your driveway. She put the kickstand down and took the helmet once you'd pulled it off and handed it back to her. You straightened out your hair a little bit in the reflection of your car window. Wordlessly, Natasha had moved to the hood of your car and tapped on the red paint to get your attention. You unlocked the car and popped the hood for her. She unhooked the latch and lifted it up, studying the inside carefully. That scene you'd been picturing earlier was coming true before your eyes.

"Start the car for me?"

You nodded. You dropped your bag on the doorstep, digging through the pockets until your hand had closed around your car keys. You withdrew them by tugging on the dinosaur keychain that Natasha had once given you after winning it at the arcade, where you'd spent hours at all the different games. You slid into the front seat, turning on the car when Natasha gave you the thumbs up. The car sputtered loudly. Then it made a sound you might have mistaken for a gunshot. The backfire nearly made you jump out of your seat. You quickly got out.

"You alright, Nat?"

"I'm good," she nodded. She moved away from the car. "It's probably just your spark plugs. When's the last time you had them replaced?"

You raised an eyebrow. "Hell if I know. I drop it off for a tune-up and expect them to tune it up."

Natasha laughed. "I'll grab some tomorrow and replace them for you."

You nodded. You watched as she reached up and grabbed the hood of the car, closing it again. She rubbed her hands against her pants. You clicked a button on your car keys, locking the doors. The lights flashed to indicate that it was indeed secured. You fiddled with the keys in your hand to get the house key out, opening your mouth to invite Natasha in as well, but found you couldn't find the golden key. You growled at nothing and dug through every pocket in your bag to see if it had fallen off in there, but there was no trace of it.

"My house key is missing."

Natasha actually laughed at this. "Did you walk under a ladder this morning? Spill the salt? Break a mirror?"

You glared at her. "Can you help me get in through a window?"

She nodded. You both moved around to one of the windows that you'd left open last night, after telling her you weren't sure you had locked it when you shut it this morning. Indeed, she found that once you'd removed the screen, she was able to slide the window open. You linked your fingers together to make a spot for Natasha to use for leverage. You boosted her through the open window and then moved back to the front door just as you heard the deadbolt slide out of place.

"My hero," you grinned as she opened the door. "I owe you a drink. Come on."

"I still have to drive home."

"Stay the night," you offered. "If you don't, I could very well just get murdered tonight."

Natasha laughed. "Well, I'd better stay and make sure you're okay, then."

You smacked her gently. She knew her way around your small bungalow well, having visited what could have easily been a million times. She made herself at home on the couch, tossing her leather jacket beside her. You moved into the kitchen, only paying half a glance at the towels you'd thrown over the two spilled beverages. You poured the both of you a drink and then brought them into the living room, kicking back on the couch beside her. You grabbed the remote, clicking the TV on. The screen lit up the room. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the beautiful face beside you that had been illuminated. You turned back to the screen.

"I can put Netflix on," you said, pressing a button. "What do you want to watch?"

"Can I test your luck?"

"What?" You responded, turning your full attention to her.

She didn't offer an explanation. You felt her hand touch your thigh. Your breath hitched and the remote almost fell to the floor. You managed to set it down on the table as your cheeks began to burn red. She left her hand there for a few seconds before it slid away, letting you take a moment to remember how to breathe. Her hand moved away and wrapped around her glass. You knew how obvious you were being when you watched her touch the rim to her lips and the slight movements in her neck as she swallowed the alcohol. You needed a drink too, but you were frozen.

"I just mean... I could either turn your luck around or just maintain the bad luck."

You still didn't know what she meant. She was setting her glass down on the coffee table. Her eyes searched yours and you were once again tossed into the sea of green that you were so obsessed with. When she leaned forward and connected your lips, though, you lost sight of emerald green. Her eyes had shut and only a second later, yours had fluttered shut as well. You put a hand on the back of her neck to hold her closer and moved your lips with hers. You wondered briefly if you were dreaming. You didn't have long with your thoughts. Your mind was so overcome with whatever was happening right now.

Natasha pulled back. Her hand had, at some point, moved back onto your thigh, and was resting there gently. Your hand moved to cover it. She flipped hers over so that her fingers could intertwine with yours and for the first time, it didn't feel like it was just in a friendly manner. It felt so much more than that, just liked you'd wanted it to. Your eyes moved from there up to her face. She had been studying you intently. You'd never seen Natasha Romanoff look nervous. Not until that very moment. You chuckled a little, nervousness in your chest as well, and let your eyes fall.

"You definitely turned it," was all you said.

"Yeah?"

"By a long shot. I mean, I think this amount of good luck was enough to actually balance out the bad luck."

You didn't know Natasha could giggle, but she did. The sound made a smile immediately spread over your face. You reached out and took her hands in your own. You leaned forward and kissed her again, infatuated with the feeling of her soft lips pressed against yours so rough and yet somehow so soft. One of your hands pulled out of hers so it could thread through the red waves on her head. You'd wanted to do that for so long. She only pulled back when you'd both lost your breath. Your forehead rested against hers and you could smell the whiskey on her breath.

"Do you know how long I've wanted that?" You breathed.

"I'd guessed it, but I thought it was just my imagination because I wanted the same thing."

You laughed. She put her hands on your shoulders, pushing your back down against the couch and then putting her knees on either side of your waist. Her lips were on yours again, a little hotter this time. You didn't complain. You just let her lean down over you and kiss you and run her hand down your side. You only raised a hand to her chest and pushed her away when you once more felt the need for oxygen burning inside your chest. She didn't move far, face inches from yours, studying you this time from above. You blushed under her gaze.

"I... I've felt really strongly about you for a while," you said, hand moving so you could trace your fingertips across her cheek. "You know what I mean?"

"Are you trying to tell me you love me without saying you love me?" She asked, the teasing back in her voice again. "Because you're not going to scare me off. You can say it if you want."

"I love you, Natasha."

"I love you, too."

You couldn't help but laugh. It wasn't funny in any way, but maybe it was the relief trying to find a way out of your body. The sound seemed to make Natasha's eyes, sparkle. Your heart softened and the laughter fell from your lips and you didn't move a muscle. Her face was so beautiful looking down at you like it was. You felt so right having her touch you like this and touching her the way you were. Her hands were holding her torso up above yours and yours were touching her face so gently. It wasn't like a friend touched a friend anymore.

"Thanks for turning my luck."

"Are you kidding me? I'm the lucky one."

"I think we're both really fucking lucky, Natasha. Thank you."

#natasha romanoff #natalia romanova #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff x reader #black widow #black widow x reader #mcu #marvel #wlw #lesbian

[xskyll]

@shoutingdeku

Midoriya & Shinsou & Jirou bandmates tddk AU

I probably won't write a full story but these were my ideas!

Midoriya and Shinsou met at the hero entrance exam, where they both failed. They both got hurt and Midoriya started talking while they were waiting their turn to see Recovery Girl, asking Shinsou about what he plans to do. Of course he's going to gen ed and plans on transferring to the hero course. Midoriya says he's going to try for support and is giving up on the hero course; he realized last year that he never stood a chance anyway. He really just took the exam so he wouldn't dwell on what ifs and maybes. He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. Making support gear for heroes would be nice but he's not confident in his abilities. He veeery shyly admits that he sings and plays guitar and would love to start a band and make a career out of that but he's sure no one would want to be in a band with a quirkless loser. But using what he learns in support to make special effects for concerts and music videos would be really neat!

Shinsou knows how to play the drums and is a little curious. He knows he'll need support gear to be a hero so making a friend in the support course could be useful. He suggests they get together sometime and play something. He doesn't actually think he'll be friends with Midoriya—the plan is more to make a connection and use him to help himself—but Midoriya ends up being the best friend he's ever had. They become ride or die pretty fast.

After the first couple of weeks of school (so after USJ) there's an event for clubs to recruit members. Aizawa tells his class they can join but they have to be mindful. The hero course is rigorous, so committing to a club that requires a lot of time would be irresponsible. Jirou has no intentions of joining any clubs but the entire class checks out the event, just to snoop. Midoriya and Shinsou have a table but no one seems interested. They're freaking bc you need a minimum of four members to count as a club and get a club room and NO ONE is interested.

Jirou has no plans to join but is curious to hear them play. They aren't allowed to play at the event but they knew this beforehand so they shot a video of them playing. It's nothing fancy—Midoriya just hands her his phone—but Jirou hears them and is blown away. They're good and Midoriya's voice is amazing. Right now I wanna say the song they're playing is Favorite Liar from The Wrecks.

She doesn't commit but agrees to come see one practice. She probably won't join though. She'll bring her bass, bc they don't have a bassist, but she definitely isn't going to join.

One song together and she joins.

They need a fourth person though and the deadline is looming! Jirou ends up asking the rest of 1A if anyone can play an instrument or sing. Bakugou plays drums but he isn't about to do her any favors. But Yaoyorozu plays piano! Jirou begs her to join—she doesn't even have to come to practice. She can just be in the band in name and play a little keyboard at a few club events so the teachers don't realize she doesn't actually participate.

What Jirou doesn't know is Yaoyorozu has a crush on her. So yes she'll join and yes, she will come to practice, actually. Maybe. Probably. She's very nervous bc Jirou is talented and cool and pretty and maybe this was a bad idea after all, oh no.

She agrees to come see them practice and brings her bff Todoroki with her for emotional support. He agrees mostly bc being with the Yaoyorozu's daughter is always an acceptable excuse for not going home.

They go to a practice just to watch and Todoroki feels just a little awkward bc no one told him the lead singer of Jirou's band was the cutest guy Todoroki has or ever will see in his life. The band plays and Todoroki and Yaoyorozu are both in love. Yaoyorozu joins the band immediately. Todoroki doesn't but maybe he could come by just to hang out sometimes? Maybe he can just help out? He can lift heavy equipment. So can Shinsou and Yaoyorozu? Well, he can help with other stuff! Anything! Costumes! Makeup! Anything to support his bff Momo, who is definitely why he's here, not bc of the cute boy, no siree.

As the story progresses, Todoroki is having makeup and nail polish application sessions with Fuyumi. He's watching YouTube makeup tutorials. Midoriya doesn't need to know he spent an hour every day for two weeks practicing eyeliner wings. Whenever they get a chance to play for a crowd or they make a video Todoroki gets to do Midoriya's makeup and help him with his clothes (and also the rest of the band but who cares about them?). It's the most wonderful torture. How is he supposed to check how Midoriya's makeup looks without getting lost in his eyes?

Little does he know, Midoriya is having constant internal meltdowns because the hottest guy he's ever met is touching is face. Whenever he wears a choker or necklace Todoroki gets the clasp for him (he doesn't realize everyone else has to do their own clasps). His fingers touch the back of his neck and it takes every once of his willpower not to run away because it seems so intimate and if he isn't careful he'll start hoping bc Todoroki is so nice to him and sometimes it seems like he gives him special attention but that's probably just his imagination, but maybe...? No! Or...aaahhh, he can't handle it!

At some point Ashido wants to see what Jirou, Yaoyorozu, and Todoroki are up to so she stops by. She's super impressed but Midoriya is too stiff! She doesn't officially join but she starts stopping by when she can to teach Midoriya some dance moves and help him with his stage presence and sex appeal. In exchange Midoriya tutors her bc he's basically a genius and she's bad at pretty much all her non-hero classes, like Math and English. Kaminari starts getting curious about what Ashido is doing so he stops by one day and hoo boy is that drummer so super cool! He starts talking to Shinsou and sparks fly (Sparks? Kaminari?? Get it?? Lolol, wow, I am so funny!) Kaminari helps with lighting for videos and shows and also gets tutoring in return (and now Shinsou is also joining these study sessions because...reasons. Certainly not the cute blond guy. He just likes studying...)

Ashido and Kaminari's grades improve! Yay!

And that's all I got. I have no clue how anyone would actually get together, which is why I'll probably never write a proper fic.

As far as the band's genre, they're really all over the place because they want to experiment a lot. So you got some alt rock, grunge, pop, love ballads, power ballads...they definitely do at least one video that is a super upbeat love song with bright 80s clothing and one video where they're all dressed like punks.

So yeah! That's what I got! Midoriya's guitar is probably either red or the same bluish-green his hero costume would have been, in another life. I feel like for the first half his hair is cute and poofy and maybe halfway through the story he gets an undercut. Sometimes he pushes his bangs up with a clip or a band.

#skyll rambles #sorry this is so long #i've had these ideas in my mind for a long time #but never actually wrote them down before #i want to read it ;_; #curse you me! #bnha #tddk #tododeku #tododeku au #momojirou #kamishin #shinkami #todoroki x midoriya #shouto x izuku #jirou x yaoyorozu #kaminari x shinsou #bnha band au #singer midoriya izuku

[linkspooky]

Touya is Dead, Dabi is Here.

Dabi is the foil to Endeavor. His villainous foil. However, not everything is about Endeavor. Let’s shove him to the side for a second. Dabi is also the villainous foil to himself, in a stranget twist and turn of events. Dabi has a villain persona that he plays up, he’s trying to show everyone that he’s the monster created by Endeavor’s monstrous actions, but I think he’s also playing himself as the opposite of Touya, the villainous foil to Touya’s once heroic ambitions. Touya was supposed to die, but Touya lived. Now, Dabi is trying to destroy everything Touya is, by embodying the opposite of everything Touya was. 

1. The Child Who Didn’t Get Saved

Touya’s remembered in a certain way by his family members. Endeavor doesn’t even seem to pity the child who died on his watch, so much as he pities himself. He pities the fact that he didn’t get to raise his son up into a successor. When he sees the scarred up Dabi still alive in front of him, he doesn’t feel happiness that his long dead son is alive, or even pity for the monster covered in burns. 

His first thought is disappointment, that Dabi didn’t grow up into what he wanted him to be. Natsu remembers the crying child that always clung to him, but he probably has the most realistic view of his brother. Someone who was suffering under his father, and someone whose pain shouldn’t be forgiven or swept under the rug. Whereas Fuyumi and Shoto who were both less close to Touya, don’t even seem to know how to talk about him, or how to feel. 

Touya is in the eyes of others around him, either a sad and tragic case. A crying child in need of saving who unfortanately did not get saved. Or he’s just not talked about at all. I’m not going to talk about Shoto and Fuyumi because of course they don’t know how to feel about the death of their own brother, and their mom who they’ve been seperated from for a decorated they’re coming to terms with all that slowly but... not only did society as a whole forget about Touya but, Endeavor too. He doesn’t really see Touya. He just sees an unfortanate lost child. He sees a son who he wants to come home. Touya died so young, and so suddenly that his feelings aren’t really recognized. Nobody really knows Touya, and the Touya they all understand is the sad child he used to be. The sad, pitiful, tragic, child. 

And is it any wonder that Touya doesn’t want to be this person anymore? That Dabi denies being this person? If all Touya used to be was a sad child, constantly crying, who was never good enough no matter how hard he tried. Then wouldn’t it make sense that Dabi wouldn’t want to be this person anymore? 

It’s painful being Touya. Touya is vulnerable, a child who couldn’t do anything about his situation. A child who tried so hard he ended up burning himself. Not only is Touya vulnerable, he’s frail, weak, all the things Dabi doesn’t want to be and all the things his father found worthless. Touya has flames stronger than anyone, but a weak constitution to go along with it, so much so he always ends up hurting himself with his own fire. It’s pretty obvious to see that Dabi is in pain, everyone else around him except for Dabi himself seems to notice it. He’s covered in burn wounds at all times, he’s literally constantly smoking, and just barely stitched together. Yet, Dabi denies being in pain, and through doing that, he denies himself. 

2. That Child Grew Up Into An Asshole

Denial is a coping mecahnism.  Refusing to acknowledge that something is wrong is a way of coping with emotional conflict, stress, painful thoughts, threatening information and anxiety. Rather than simply being vulnerable, it’s sometimes easier to deny that you are ever vulnerable atall. Especially for people like Dabi who spent long periods in their childhood feeling helpless and week. 

From the moment a baby comes into the world, forming attachments to parents or other caregivers is critical to a child’s emotional, physical and psychological development. For an infant, having a gentle and responsive caregiver provides the nurturing a child needs to grow into a healthy adult. A cared for child develops self-esteem, feels secure in exploring the world around him or her and has a strong foundation for understanding how to build healthy relationships later in life.

But if those earliest relationships break down, the child may experience what is known as abandonment or neglect trauma.

One way of coping with this trauma is to be entirely self sufficient. To basically close up, never need to rely on other people ever, and therefore never open up. Basically, what Dabi denies more than anything else is his vulnerability, even though it’s obvious he’s in pain. 

Vulnerability, after all is the reason he got abandoned. Touya was tossed to the side because he was too weak. Therefore, in an effort to be strong Dabi denies feeling any pain at all, and in the process shuts out his other feelings. He also denies anything, his connection to his family, any feelings of guilt or remorse he might have.

Self-denail, and self-abuse, it’s the same reason kids from bad homes end up acting irresponsibly and abusing drugs, it’s all a fancy way to hurt yourself. 

If overthinking about things causes him pain, causes him to break Dabi’s solution is to simply not think about things. If being Touya is too painful for him, then Dabi chooses not to be a person and plays up the monster. 

It’s almost like Dabi and Touya are two separate people stitched sloppily together, but they’re coming apart slowly at the seams. Dabi pretends to be a remorseless villain when facing off with Endeavor, but then in front of the crowds when he’s begging for sympathy he shows off all of his burns, sits politely, and presents a character that is much more human making his case that he killed innocent people but he did so with reason, for a good cause. While, the same Dabi instead of Endaevor seems to just want to burn everything for the fun of it. The point being that, Dabi contradicts himself a lot. He argues with himself. 

It’s because Dabi is putting on deliberate acts. He’s changing himself based on the audience. It’s just that he’s also not as good of an actor as he thinks he is. However the performance seems to be pretty consistent at least for the most part, he wants everyone to regret what Touya became because of Endeavor’s abuse so he purposefully makes himself into the opposite of everything Touya was. Touya wanted to be a hero to carry on his father’s legacy, Dabi is a villain dedicated to completely destroying his father’s reputation and leading him to ruin. 

Touya was known for being particularly close to Natsuo, not only playing with him all the time, but confiding in him. Touya must have been a good big brother to Natsuo if Natsuo misses him so much. Yet, Dabi acts like Natsuo is nothing special, just another casualty in his revenge on Endeavor. 

Touya was someone always working hard to earn Endeavor’s attention and please him. Dabi seems to only want to bring about Endeavor’s ruin and think of ways of hurting him. There’s a certain irony in Dabi being so laser focused on Endeavor, because once again you reap what you sow. Endeavor wanted to raise his child to exist solely for his purpose, to carry on his legacy, to center everything around Endeavor’s needs rather than to care for another living human being with needs of his own and that’s what he got - someone who is singularly laser focused and obsessed with bringing him down. Even if Touya is still obsessed with only Endeavor to the point of forgetting the rest of his family, that’s literally just a symptom, a side effect of child abuse, of Endeavor raising Touya with the expectation that he had to please him.

Touya was a kid who is always crying, and Dabi seems to have no feelings at all. Once again, always, always he presents himself as the opposite of everything that Touya was and wanted to be. 

Dabi denies that he is Touya, and therefore denies that he is in pain. 

He pulls his brother close, and hugs him, and then does the opposite of what a big brother is supposed and hurts his younger brother instead of protecting him.

It’s not just Dabi being the opposite of Touya, it’s almost like he’s doing everything he can, to  burn up and riun Touya’s memory. To deny that any part of him ever was Touya. 

Dabi is in denial, but also I think some part of Dabi is aware of his denial. Like I said, he contradicts himself. He says that these are Endeavros’ flames, then just as easily he says “no duh, it’s obvious I’m not Endeavor.” 

I think Dabi realizes what he is doing, it’s just at the moment he believes he has to do this. It’s the only way. Whatever, Dabi is hoping to achieve, the radical reform of society, the destruciton of the hero system, it’s more important the feelings of his family, and more important than his own feelings. 

However, if those feelings are there it means Dabi isn’t without hope. There’s still a human side to Dabi. Dabi is still Touya, the same way Shigaraki is same Tenko. Their child selves died, but they never did die. Dabi is trying to be pure evil, but parts of him are still good he’s just suppressing himself. 

I think what Dabi needs to realize is that his hurt feelings, his feelings of vulnerability, are just as important as the strength he fights with. He needs both parts of himself in order to live on, weak little Touya and villainous Dabi. I don’t think Dabi will turn into a 100% good person, but as for character development the same way that Shoto is learning to reconcile his two disparagent sides, his ice and his flames. I hope that Dabi learns that he’s still Touya, while being Dabi at the same time. He’s not a villain, he’s someone capable of being both good and bad. It’s only that way he can learn to live on as Touya, rather than hoping to die and drag his father to hell with him as Dabi. 

#mha meta #touya todoroki #todoroki touya #dabi #lov meta #league of villains meta #my hero academia #my hero academia meta