#i literally made them only a few months before the pandemic hit so i was a little afraid they were too tasteless to post during that time

[mud-muffin]

Robin has gotten sick with a strange virus that's only targeting the kids of Gotham. So they rush to Dr. Thompkins to get help and also try to find a cure.

#these are some VERY old sketches from 2020 #i literally made them only a few months before the pandemic hit so i was a little afraid they were too tasteless to post during that time #i had SO many ideas for this #might build a bit more on it now #dick grayson #dcu #fanart #batman #alfred pennyworth #leslie thompkins

[struggle-but-its-all-ocean-floor]

Do you think jungkook's recent choices will have a negative effect on bts as a group?

I do want to say the whole smoking thing doesn't bother me. At first, I did think the photos were taken without his knowledge, but after seeing the video, you can see he's aware that he's being recorded and doesn't really mind. I'm glad that he feels comfortable enough to show a more adult side of him with seven, the drinking, and the smoking. But at the same time, I see how bts has created this image for themselves over the years, and in a matter of months, jk had dramatically changed it. They all seemed to follow the rules and only did schedule lives at the company, but then JK started doing unapproved lives at home. All the members have really protected their social media presence, and then there's jk with tikok and following a thirst trap account 😅. Now we have the smoking out in public when the other 3 members who do smoke have done it out of sight. So I'm just curious how the other members feel about all of this. I do remember on one live JK did say the members told him not to drink on live anyone, but he didn't listen lol. I'm also on the edge of my seat because who knows what else we'll find out. If JK is going to continue to focus on the American market and with the popularity he has gained with seven, tmz is definitely going to have him on their radar.

Okay.

I didn't even know there was a video, but after seeing it, it's not clear at all he knew he was being filmed. Even if he was, I don't think he would've been okay with it. Even if he was aware, he likely didn't want to be filmed, smoking or not. But I'm sure Jungkook knew he could be caught smoking outside the hotel, or wherever he was, and that was a choice he made, because I don't think he wants to hide doing normal stuff like smoking.

I don't see how Jungkook smoking or drinking will negatively impact the group. Suga smoked in Haegeum, Jimin shared his hard times during the pandemic in which he got drunk every night, all members have drank on camera - some of them have even gotten wasted. Why is it only a problem when Jungkook does it? Vmin have also done lives at their homes. Are you saying Jungkook is a bad influence and that they wouldn't have done it without him starting the "trend"? And why should Jungkook ask for permission to do a live for his fans? Why does he need to be supervised like a child? Who cares if that's the company policy? Fuck the company. They can debut minors with sexy concepts, but idols can't go live whenever they please?

You think Jungkook alone changed BTS's image? Like Crazy came out before Seven and it was much sexier and Western-like than anything BTS had done up until that point.

The members haven't "protected" their social media presence. Most of them don't even like social media, so they aren't very active. V posts sexy pictures all the time, RM wants to post art so he posts art. Jungkook literally deleted his IG, is rarely on Twitter, and pretty much just shares a few selcas and recipes on Weverse, apart from doing lives. He only accidentally shared his TikTok account, and what in the fucking world is wrong with having TikTok? And what thirst trap account is he following? I even looked it up and apparently he started following a bunch of dancers, one of whom has videos of herself twerking. Like, isn't twerking one of those basics moves all female dancers do? From what I saw, she seemed like a normal influencer type.

BTS are proud of Jungkook. Hobi and RM shared the explicit, not the clean, version of Seven and Suga knew the song would be a hit. No one is bothered.

I don't even know who the 3 members who smoke are, but V was seen with a vape way back in 2019 and was caught smoking at the 2021 Grammys, and Suga smoked in Haegeum. Jungkook isn't the first one.

Remember RM posting drunk videos of him singing, or Jikook drunk FaceTiming? BTS have an agreement, which is to not post things on social media when drunk, and it's a good policy, but one they've broken before. Jungkook wasn't the first one to go online drunk. And Jungkook was only tipsy in a few of his lives, not drunk to the point he couldn't watch what he said or did.

We know how the members feel. They're okay with Jungkook - proud of him. I doubt there's any drama. And you "being on the edge of your seat" to see what other "scandal" Jungkook will get caught up in is really fucking weird. Leave him alone. I may be a bit judgmental, but this is just wishing for his downfall. I assure you it won't happen.

Also, Jungkook isn't the only one trying to break away from their conservative group image. Jimin did it with Like Crazy, RM is also subtly pushing the envelope, Suga did it for Haegeum, and V pretty much allowed himself to get caught dating in Paris. Why is JK the only one "stirring up trouble"?

No, JK's actions won't destroy either him or the group. BTS are still the biggest group in the world, and Jungkook is the biggest idol.

#ask #bts #jungkook #text

[woodsfae]

I genuinely feel like Housemate is doing strange, fucked-up things to Partner and I on purpose, but the extent to which I second-guess myself and go back-and-forth on it also sorta makes me feel like they are? It's just. So much.

From the beginning, sigh.

I met Partner in 2016, met Partner's best friend (hereafter "Tas," fake name, obvs) shortly thereafter. Tas is nonbinary, and I have always felt like they and their friend group put me in the "straight girl" mental box. They have always been standoffish and cold to me. I am also nonbinary, but I'm not superduper open about it? Like if we're friends, we've talked about my relationship to gender. And whenever I'm in a meet-n-greet circle that people are sharing their pronouns, I do say "they/she/he are all ok for me," (including Tas, because we've been in community organizing initiatives several times together) but hardly anyone ever uses anything other than "she" for me. I'm short and extremely busty and frequently wear dresses so I often think people -especially queer ppl, sadly- consider me to be a trendchasing "theyfab," and Tas's coldness to me has always indicated that to me, too.

Tas repeatedly hit on my sister and for literally two years straight the only time they initiated conversation with me was to ask if my sister got their texts. My sister told me she always responded to their texts and usually TAS was the one who didn't text HER back. My sister also never flirted back, because she doesn't like how Tas treats me.

Partner and I were openly polyamorous until the pandemic when we closed for health purposes. We were both dating other people when we met. Partner had a very brief relationship shortly after we started dating that went really badly. That person suddenly indicated they felt unsafe in their living situation and Partner drove more than 24 hours to pick them up and give them a safe landing spot. That person immediately freaked out whenever Partner even texted me. And did a lot of really weird passive-aggressive stuff to me whenever we saw each other. And was really controlling to Partner. Partner had just barely gotten them out of his apartment when Tas FREAKED THE FUCK OUT. And was like "I dated them so you should have known to check with me," and Partner was like...."you did? Oh...I dimly recollect like...years ago? Briefly?" and Tas was like "yeah, it was a few months and went badly and now you've broken my trust and will have to rebuild it. :| :|"

I thought this was bs but whatever, their friendship. They rebuilt it or whatever. but after that I cared a fuckload less about what Tas thought about me. But it was still stressful and upsetting that they were SO cold to me.

In 2020 I moved in with Partner and we locked down together. Until his apartment building was sold and the new owners DOUBLED HIS RENT with thirty days' notice. And then we were SOL because our city's cost of living was literally the highest in the country, adjusted for population, and vacancy was 0.2%. At the same time, Tas' house was sold and they were in basically the same boat. However. Tas and Partner both made enough and had just enough savings and parental help that they realized they could probably afford to buy a house together. And I was invited to live in the house, too, only I pay a little less because I'm not building equity as I'm not an owner. It was all very optimistic. Tas wanted to have a close, warm housemate relationship. We all planned game nights, shared dinners, shared grocery staples etc etc. We had multiple meetings about it and I was very optimistic about it all. Tas was more friendly and open to me during those few months than ever before or since.

We moved in and Tas immediately was standoffish and cold again, but not only to me, but also to Partner, their supposed best friend of over a decade. This hurt Partner tremendously. They would go to another room whenever either of us entered it, then text us random house things from the other room. They went back on all the dinners/game nights/etc we had agreed on. Partner and I extended invitations for MONTHS. It wore on Partner considerably, and me too. But Partner was losing his best friend with NO explanation.

Tas started texting Partner requests for "house meetings," except I wasn't invited. And then Tas would postpone the meetings with only a few hours' notice, or sometimes wouldn't show up, and then would postpone belatedly. And when the meetings did happen it would be like "I feel like the vibe is off in the house and it hurts me."

like wtf.

Partner would be like "Tas had a bad childhood and their parents basically waged psychological warfare on them and it's hard for them," and I'd be like….. "BABE YOU AND ME HAD THAT HAPPEN TOO." And Partner would be like "they had [medical thing] that caused a traumatic brain injury and their memory is really bad because of it…" and I'd be like "me and my five concussions and literal Post-Concussion Syndrome would like a word." He's just trying to find his peace, because it has been seriously hard on him. He's cried on me so many times about Tas since we moved in together. And there's really no justification for being a relentless asshole, imho.

Tas and I had a shared goal of transforming our lawn into a garden/natural plants pollinator space. Tas and I spent hours and hours working on this. Their back is objectively more fucked up than mine so I did more of the super-hard labor, but we both worked really hard on it. We talked about sharing the garden beds and what the division would look like….and then I came home and Tas had planted all the garden beds with the things they wanted and left me no room for anything.

Last year I decided to take a little corner of the yard that was only weeds and plant some sweetgrass. I checked with Tas multiple times they didn't want that corner for anything. I mentioned it multiple times. then I planted my sweetgrass with a little berm I built. And I mean it's LITTLE. If I made a circle with my arms, it would fit in that circle with my fingers touching.

A few weeks ago I went out and Tas had been clearing out the dead leaves/stems from the yard and garden and piled all the compost waste right on top of my sweetgrass patch. my tiny little patch that is only about 2 feet by 2 feet at most.

That hurt my feelings more than I thought possible. I was so so hurt. My only little patch of garden. I cleared it off, pulled some of the weeds I had left in to help enrich the soil, so it would look more tidy and visually distinct, and went and told Tas their compost pile had ended up on my sweetgrass so I had moved the compost over a little. Then I painted a bunch of rocks and ringed my sweetgrass space with the colorful rocks so it would be even more visually distinct and obvious.

I feel so defeated and sad. I don't know why Tas is being like this. I hate living here, and Partner and I both wish we had moved into a van or something instead.

We are nice to Tas. We still offer up game nights and dinners. We watch their special needs dog ALL THE TIME. Tas pays their friends to watch the dog when we can't, but never offers us a cent. Tas refuses to speak to us about almost anything. They insisted on a mask-inside and checking with housemates about guests rule in lockdown, then broke it immediately and never checked with us about any guests. The mutual friends we do have mostly started being even weirder and colder to me after we moved in together, and I genuinely think they're trashtalking me to our mutual acquaintaince group. I go out of my way to be friendly and ask about their plans and things, but they actively hide their plans from both of us. They will just suddenly be gone for 2-3 days, or have dinner parties, or out of town people over.

A few years ago they had a dinner party on Partner's birthday, with many of Partner's friends invited, and didn't tell Partner they were having people over or anything. It wasn't for Partner's bday, it was just a totally unrelated dinner party ON his bday, in his house, with his friends, that he wasn't invited to. It was so cruel I honestly have trouble believing my own memory that it happened.

They went on a long vacation and brought me a "present" for watching their dog. The worst and least-functional butter dish with no lid that I've ever seen and doesn't even sit flat. Oh, and it matches the utensil-rest they got themself??

They are always civil to my face, but I always always feel like they dislike me. It's exhausting. I wish we could move, but housing prices are still incredibly high, loan rates are terrible, and Partner feels trapped into this house ownership. We both wish we had done literally anything else in 2020 than moving in with Tas.

right this minute Partner is being yanked around by Tas with another house meeting. can't wait to find out what bad vibes are our fault, now.

#and there's so much more ugh #i don't know what to do i just want it to stop #woodsfae #rant #housemates

[psycholojosh]

Doing In-Person Psychotherapy for the First Time

For the past few weeks, I've been keeping busy with working on my hours for practicum. By the end of this year, I need to hit at least 200 hours of psychotherapy (as well as another 200 for assessment work) so that I can proceed to the next and (hopefully) final phase of my grad school: thesis. When I started practicum last semester, I felt really drained by the difficult learning environment, plus having to do a lot of work isolated from the others (literally and figuratively). I took a break from this semester to regain my mental energy I once had for psychotherapy clients.

Over a month ago, the mental health clinic of our school opted to open psychotherapy services onsite for students wtihin campus. Unsurprisingly, a lot of students did sign up for this and are now receiving their therapies in-person with their therapists (which includes trainees like me). I stepped into this same lane once I began opening this option up to my clients as well. One client has been very keen on seeing me in person as they would prefer seeing another person as they process their problems. I happily obliged to fulfill this request given that I too work much better when I'm not distracted by the quips of remote work.

True enough, the difference in experience was night and day. And I would prefer doing onsite therapy because for a couple obvious reasons. On one end, I get to see my clients (and vice versa) for who they present themselves to be. And I mean this not only in the physical way but also in a emotional way. A lot of what I find missing in remote tele-therapy is the ability to read nonverbal cues and other emotional expressions that a camera doesn't capture. I feel more in the flow with the client and get to "dance" with whatever things they throw at me during sessions. There's also the added value of just trying to be present with the client without making extra efforts to reassure them of this fact.

I also had to take time to ready myself and get comfortable with my clients expressing unpleasant or difficult emotions. I noticed that my clients feel safer crying and feeling their feels once we're confined within the same four corners of a safe space. Needless to say, I find delight - not in their suffering - but in the opportunity to create a safe space for them to just be themselves, feelings and all.

I guess the only con of working onsite is the travel and the summer heat. While I'm proud of myself for being on time for my clients' sessions, I can't help but still feel irritated about the "unpleasantries" of Metro Manila traffic, as aggravated by the summer sun. Inasmuch as I want to present myself as professionally (and also aesthetically pleasing way) for my clients, I have to be smart about what to wear and how to bring my belongings with the hassle of public transportation.

So far, my onsite work has made me realize that I could do therapy -- and that it's something I could develop much more once I get my master's degree. What I am looking forward to is when we fully reintegrate both onsite and remote modalities to interventions. But that's a different avenue of learning altogether. What I'm most excited about, actually, is getting to see a lively clinic again. I get to see more clients and clinicians, and feel that same vibrant energy I once felt in my previous job before the pandemic began.

In the meantime, if you ever see me in campus (if we are in the same school, or you just happen to be there), feel free to say hello.

Take care of your mental health, everyone!

#psychometrician #grad school #clinical psychology #psychotherapy #rpmentries #filipino psychometrician #rpmnotes #mental health work #mental health

[hartshorn-and-isinglass]

Having some feels about the pandemic-versary this time around. Especially since I'm currently sitting in an airport as one of only three people masked up.

(so when I say the pandemic changed me I don't just mean I made a lot of baked goods and listened to bardcore...)

In February of 2020 I had surgery and was in bed recovering for two weeks and change. I literally had a hard time getting around so the only places I went at the end of February were to two doctors' appointments. The first reported cases of COVID spread in NorCal had hit the news; people were already starting to curtail their social activities and getting a bit anxious. I didn't feel great about having to go out, but the only restrictions at that point were on people who had recently traveled out of the country, and I figured well, it's just the doctor's office, it won't be too crowded, and I have hand sanitizer. Yeah, something-something Alanis Morrissette song LOL. It took a few days for the symptoms to manifest; I finally got a chance to hang out with my friends the following Saturday, the first day of March, but had to ask them to drive me home early because I very suddenly started to feel unwell. That was a week and a half before the pandemic became an official emergency. By the time Spouse and I realized what this probably was, it already seemed too late to try and isolate from each other, so we were just like... welp. Here we go.

I cannot possibly impress on people who didn't have the alpha strain just how fucking terrifying and miserable that was even if you just got the 'mild' version. I'd had the flu before, like a properly miserable flu. This was even worse in terms of the magnitude of fatigue involved. Like I don't think I've ever been as acutely aware of the weight of my arms and legs like that. There was a point where my breathing got just labored enough that I had to contemplate what it might be like to end up in the hospital when they were only just starting to set up for the pandemic. Fortunately I did not have to go. But I did literally spend another four weeks bedridden after having already been bedridden for half of February. Spouse also was a bedridden blob for the rest of the month. Friends kept tabs on us remotely and we ate a lot of delivery. God fucking bless the food delivery people who worked their asses off during the pandemic.

I was able to walk around again after a month but doing anything winded me pretty badly for about a year afterwards. Even as a longtime spoonie, the level of "oh fuck, I really can't do this" was honestly jarring. Spouse fortunately did not have the same long-COVID problems I did.

Of course, I get mostly-over the long COVID just in time to get the call that Spouse's parents' living situation has become fundamentally unsustainable for them and we needed to go out there to help them shut down the farm and move into town. Shortly after finishing that project and coming back home, we got called out again because FIL's cancer had become untreatable. After hospice, and then the funeral, Spouse decided he'd had enough with his job and the direction the industry was going and quit.

Let me tell you, I am so glad I had the option for therapy sessions over Zoom during that time and boy howdy I needed those weekly appointments.

The last couple of years have been a lot, I guess is what I'm saying. I sure as shit feel different and people around me have started noticing that I am different. I don't necessarily consider it a shift for the better, given... y'know, some of the stuff. But yeah, definitely one of those "before vs. after" kind of defining moments of my life.

#personal #...annnd post

[providnce]

hii!! i consider myself a independent catb fan since i got into then in 2019 and i obsessed over the songs and lyrics and stuff but never actually got to the fandom? like never knew the fan side of things just the surface level (i was the obsessed and totally into the fandom from another group so i stayed at my comfort zone haha)

with that being said!! im here to ask you kindly if you could tell what happened between them? like what the fans knows with details because i only know the facts about the show being canceled, bob, benji and bondy left and they unfollowed/blocked van but since i was looking around those days i've seen memes and stuff and a few things i missed out and i wanted to understand :(( if its too much to ask like too much work for you its okay!! but i think it would help other people who feel a little lost about everything as well :)

thank you in advance!

hello lovely, and welcome, we're glad to have you here! might i ask which band you were obsessed with instead? and i can definitely understand, i was actually the same way before i actually got involved in the fandom over the summer. c:

and yeah, I can give a quick rundown! i don’t think there’s an official post detailing what went on since lockdown, so here we have:

A (brief) Summary of CaTB’s Decline

Silence from the band once the pandemic hit. Lack of communication ever since has gotten fans quite frustrated, and remains so today. Since March 2020.

A fan noticed that Bondy, Bob, and Benji resigned on Companies House, which made the fandom wonder if the band had split. March 2021.

Catfish play Reading + Leeds Festival, collectively relieving everyone that they were there. August 2021.

However, Bob announces his departure a month after R+L on Instagram. He’s been working on his own music ever since. September 2021.

Bondy’s friend releases the Hide and Speak podcast, with him as a guest. More speculation on him leaving the band as he’d exclusively used past tense when speaking about his time in Catfish, along with a few statements he made towards the end that people interpreted as slating Van. December 2021.

Unfollowing commences. The fandom freaks out upon seeing Van’s following count go down, thinking he’s been active on IG. Chaos. Turns out, it was simply Catfish’s ex-tour manager Steve removing him as a follower. Later on, Bondy seems to unfollow Van and Larry, with rumours that he’s even gone as far as blocking both of them. Odd since Van hadn’t been on IG since 2017. Start of 2022.

^ As of today, Van follows Benji and Larry. Benji follows Van and Larry. Bondy only follows Bob. Bob only follows Bondy. Larry follows nobody.

Bondy got drunk on Tom Ungerer’s (bassist for Sam Fender) IG live, where he says he’s not fond of Van. When asked if Catfish were splitting up, he laughed, looked away, and said “I have no fucking idea, it’s got nothing to do with me.” Bondy also stated he’s working on new music, “trying to make music fun again, last time I was in Catfish and the Bottlemen, I was never allowed to make my own music.” With this live, Bondy had essentially confirmed he and Van have fallen out, and his creative freedom was limited when he was in the band. February 2022.

Larry logs onto social media for the first time in literal ages to unfollow everyone, and remove all his content. February 2022.

Catfish were supposed to open for Stereophonics in Cardiff in mid-June, but they pulled out two weeks prior due to unforeseen circumstances. June 2022.

More silence. Then, Bondy made his statement, confirming he officially left the band back in March 2021 and hasn’t had any affiliation with the band since, due to “reoccurring intolerable behaviour” within the band. This means he had stepped in as a session musician in the last 4 summer shows that Catfish had played. He also described relationships in the band as dysfunctional. Fans have taken this to be at the cause of Van, though there isn’t much clarification on whether this is true or not. Bob then came back on IG and blocked Van and Benji. June 2022.

Dave Sardy (producer for The Ride) posts photos in the studio, teasing possible new music from Van/Catfish by putting the Catfish hashtag in captions on IG. The fandom collectively exploded, again, and so we do every time he makes a post with Catfish in the caption. And every time he likes a comment asking for new music from Van. Since June 2022.

Now, to the present. Van’s disappeared off the face of the earth, the last time we saw him was 400+ days ago when Catfish played Neighbourhood Weekender 2021. Benji recently got engaged. We have snippets of Bondy and Bob (now Rob) working on new music.

in conclusion: rip catb lmfao

who knows wtf is happening with the band 😭

if i missed anything or got something wrong, feel free to add on! i have the memory of a goldfish, so thank you @icouldntfindquiet and @catb-fics for helping me put this together!

#van mccann #catb #johnny bond #bondy #benji blakeway #bob hall #asks 💌 #thlasthours #bookmark

[mokutone]

I'm drawing Kakashi for the first time (as much as I love them, I rarely ever draw naruto characters so this is a little fun and new for me) and I'm struggling a little bc I'm trying to draw him relaxed, reclining with pakkun (in the way I recline with my cat) and I'm realizing there's something so personal abt drawing him in such a vulnerable pose ig. Like? I'm very tired too rn so maybe I'm being extra emotional and rambly but there are so few scenes of kakashi in canon where he's not wearing the jounin vest, where he's alone and relaxed and out of uniform. And I didn't realize it until I was trying to think back to other similar scenes and there really weren't any. and I'm kind of mesmerized by how you draw him because you capture that so so well, your art is gorgeous but it's also so real and expressive in a way that shows a lot of practice and a lot of love. Idk i think I've said this before and I'm sorry if it's annoying that I'm saying it again (I'll just shut up after this lol) but I went to an art school and I had massive burnout and only really started drawing again in the past 6 months and you were one of my inspirations 2 start drawing again and I'm still not as good as I'd like to be but I draw so much more now and having an actual passion for art has led to a huge improvement, so thank you and thank u for bearing with me and my sleep-deprived rambles. I think my original point got sidetracked. I forgot why i started writing this ask.

dkgjhsdgkjdshg no i think you're 100% right abt the kakashi relaxed thing, even when we see him "relaxed" he doesn't ever really Look relaxed. like

here he is chilling out in the hot springs. this man does not look relaxed but he DOES look exhausted and maybe a little like he's gotten lost. somebody help this confused man find the exit.

anyway art + motivation talk beneath the cut

djhsdkjghsdkjhg thank u for all the compliments abt my art, i do work really hard in order to draw expressive characters, and spend a lot of time paying attention to how the small details in posture and expression change how the character comes across, and im glad it pays off!

also yeah no, similarly, once i left art school (when the pandemic hit) i did have a good 6 months where i did not pick up the pencil even once, and like, usually i feel rlly bad or guilty when i'm not drawing, but my burnout was real bad and i was straight up angry abt everything dgkjhsdgkjh so i just...didn't draw for like 6 months. i didn't even feel bad about it bc i was too busy being angry

and i had a bad relationship with art at the time and eventually realized i kind of had to like? make a different relationship with art—like, try to stop seeing art as something which gave me fundamental worth as a human being, or part of who i am? you know? that's a LOT of pressure to put on just...something that i do. if i took that kind of approach to literally any other task in my life, i'd never do it. imagine thinking that the way and style with which you descend the stairs gives you your worth as a person and if you don't do it exactly right then it means you're worthless as a person? buddy i'd just find a way to go down and out through the window LMAO

i think this is the thing which gives a lot of people burnout, it's exhausting to be constantly working on something and ALSO believe that if you fuck it up even a little, it's because you are the fuckup, and a fundamental failure of a person. god thats so much pressure.

anyway so i decided to make a naruto art blog because i don't even like naruto That Much but my best friend had been trying to get me into it for years (ty kate ilu kate), and so any art that i made would be purely for fun, wouldn't have anything to do with my self worth, and might make kate laugh too, and that's why this blog exists! and taking the pressure off of creating art like that has been enormously helpful to my mental health and my ability to create, also i take breaks alllllll the time, i'm like...way healthier about my art thanks to that, and also just...a nicer person, i think? anyway i'm very glad that i inspired you to get back into art but i'm far more glad that you've found a passion for it, cultivating that passion and joy is so important

#a lot of the way i approach art is bc i worked with kids for a while and like. u can kinda tell when a kid is at the breaking point w/ art #where they're like ''if one more thing goes wrong i am going to Lose It'' #+ at that point as a ''teacher'' u have to pick between giving them critique on their artwork to improve OR letting it go + saying their #art is good and they're doing really well #and i always pick the second one—LIKE. once the kid is no longer feeling soooo frustrated abt their art that they're at a breakin point? #THEN we can talk critique. and even then i will still tell them what they're doing well #until theyre at that point tho its all ''yeah!!! you're killing it! look at these new skills you're learning! look how you're improving!'' #''look how funny/beautiful/exciting/cool your piece is!!!!'' #because first and foremost. i think that art should be enjoyed #having creation as a friend and ally vs A Duty is sooo important #TO BE CLEAR LIKE. this is also still technically a form of critique #i dont just say ''good job champ! great work doing art!'' if u wanna compliment art and have it mean something you do have to be #specific about what is good...not ''that looks great!'' but ''wow you draw really fabulously detailed noses! #or ''wow the fashion you're drawing is really cool—i wish i had that jacket!'' like. #as in all things. compliments and praise are only meaningful if they are /meant/ and you cant fake that #MY POINT IS. if we want to take the pressure off ourselves with art. i think we also gotta treat ourslves like this #look at what we're doing and compliment things we genuinely think weve improved upon. love our successes #nothing better for the ego than to compare new art to old art and look at what weve changed #i should do some redraws at some point #my jutsu

[mariacallous]

The great affliction of our age makes men believe they have been cancelled by the BBC while they are literally on the BBC

How very interesting to hear John Cleese explain how he’d be immediately cancelled or censored on the BBC, in comments made freely and at considerable length yesterday in the marquee 8.10am interview slot on the BBC’s flagship Radio 4 news programme. Explaining why he was about to become a presenter on GB News, the 82-year-old declared loftily: “The BBC have not come to me and said: ‘Would you like to have some one-hour shows?’ And if they did, I would say: ‘Not on your nelly!’ Because I wouldn’t get five minutes into the first show before I’d been cancelled or censored.” To which the only possible response is, “Morning, Major!”

These days, Cleese claims to “live in hotel rooms” – a bit on-the-nose, but there you go – and evidently boasts a lively range of views. In the strictest interests of accuracy, we should note that he was recently given a whole two series of a sitcom on the BBC, with the last episode of Hold the Sunset broadcast in 2019, a few months before the pandemic hit. Furthermore, it was barely a month ago that Cleese was tweeting: “GB News is sometimes referred to, rather wittily, as ‘KGB News’. To what extent is GB News influenced by Russian interests?” I don’t know – but perhaps it’s a matter that could be explored on his new GB News show. We’re told anything goes.

For now, what seems clear is that Cleese suffers one of the great afflictions of our age, a kind of delusional broadcast disorder that can make the sufferer believe they have been cancelled by the BBC even while they are literally on the BBC. The worst part of it is that we are not allowed to discuss this social sickness because of political correctness. I tried to tell my husband about it at breakfast yesterday – he works at the BBC – but he told me to be quiet so he could listen to John Cleese on the BBC. Like Cleese, I had been silenced.

In any rational world you’d be able to state the obvious reality – the condition is overwhelmingly suffered by men. But you can’t say it! You can’t say it! You can look at Cleese, or Noel Edmonds, or Nigel Farage, or Laurence Fox, but you’re banned from saying what you see. You have to pretend that women are out there every five minutes wanging on about how they’re not allowed to have a primetime show forever, as well as a bus pass or leadership of a political party, and how their only alternative option is presenting hours of gloriously bitter live telly every week on one of our bazillion-pound news-o-tainment channels.

In a sane world, you’d be allowed to say scientific facts, like the fact that 90% of heroically whingeing BBC cancellees are men, 95% of them are acrimoniously divorced, and 110% of them have “divorced energy”. (Obviously, it’s Not All Previously Primetime Men – Mr Blobby has behaved with perfect dignity.) Yet you can’t say it. You’d get cancelled in seconds. In fact, I don’t even know how I’m writing this next sentence.

Pity me. In my incredibly vulnerable position as a newspaper columnist, I have to think about this stuff constantly. Constantly! I once described a soon-to-launch TV news channel as sure to become “unmoored from facts” – and its CEO voided his pram of all toys. He spent rather a lot of time to-ing and fro-ing with the readers’ editor demanding some mean words be changed, before handing Press Gazette a copy of his very grand letter to the Guardian (which was also subsequently published by the Guardian). In it, he explained: “We are absolutely committed to our mission to report news in the most accurate and balanced way we can. It is unfortunate that your article failed to adhere to this basic principle.” The channel in question? Why, it was GB News.

Don’t get me wrong, I was and am still hugely amused by Angelos Frangopoulos, the adorable little Aussie snowflake who wrote that letter. But imagine how I felt last week when I saw his channel had given a guest spot to Naomi Wolf, who hasn’t been playing with a full deck of data points since the 00s. Wolf’s appearance was essentially a very, very long diatribe against the Covid vaccine. Her assertion that “mass murder has taken place” was bolstered by the GB News presenter Mark Steyn explaining that vaccines “cause every conceivable kind of damage”. Other lowlights of Naomi’s appearance, which was allowed to proceed without a single piece of disinformation being questioned? The claim that Covid vaccinations were “bioweapons” that were “sterilising people” and “poisoning breast milk”. Also, “civil society has been wholly co-opted by bad actors trying to destroy British civil society”. Wolf went on – entirely unchallenged – to compare today’s medical establishment to the eugenicists and exterminators of the Third Reich. Steyn just nodded along, repeatedly going “yeah”, presumably in “the most accurate and balanced way” he could. He booked her again the very next night.

Anyway, a fun new stablemate for John Cleese. Cleese famously decided that the Brexit debate saw this country sink “to the lowest intellectual level ever”, so I strongly urge him to push that envelope and book Wolf on his first show. In the meantime, those of us saddened by a former idol’s comic decline should comfort ourselves that some of the best recent comedy has happened on GB News. Last year on the free speech channel, presenter Guto Harri took the knee live on air, got suspended for it, quit and was soon made prime minister Boris Johnson’s comms chief. The whole batshit saga was easily funnier than anything Cleese has done since A Fish Called Wanda (1988), and we must look forward to his promising new show in that spirit.

[rayneydayss]

I’m not one to write long vent posts but I’m really struggling emotionally and needed to get this out there because I’ve only been able to talk about it with the people involved

My partner and I have been together for over 3 years now, started dating literally as the pandemic hit. They are the absolute love of my life, the only person who doesn’t drain my energy, the first person to consistently make me feel loved.

I always thought growing up that I would be into polyamory—the idea of being able to share that love with a group of people really appealed to me. Last year my partner (S) and I decided we would see if one of our mutual friends (R) would be interested in dating us.

First of all, we had no idea at the time, but we were the first relationship (and first sexual experience) R had. And R immediately became infatuated with us, saying ‘I love you’ less than a month into the relationship. It made me uncomfortable, but I wanted to try to make things work for a little longer because I knew my partner really liked R and had ptsd from previous relationships, so having the opportunity to love and be loved by someone else as well was really special to them.

However, by the end of the second month I was absolutely revolted just by being in R’s presence. Things I thought were sweet/nice when they were a friend became annoying and pushy as a dating partner. It got to the point where just the sound of them breathing or the way they pronounce certain letters makes my skin crawl and puts all of these awful thoughts into my head. I would get nauseous or panicky having to interact with them.

One thing I should mention—I’m autistic and my relationship with S is the first long term relationship I’ve had, and I’ve never experienced jealousy before (like it’s just never come up)

I made things worse for myself because I didn’t speak about how I was feeling. I was hoping maybe stress of school and being long distance with S was making it worse. But it just progressed until I began physically cringing every time I heard R speak or breathe.

I had spoken to S about some of my feelings but I didn’t want to take this opportunity away from them, and neither of us wanted to hurt R. But we felt like we owed it to R to try to give them a good relationship, because we took their virginity and was their first romantic partners.

During this time, my mental state was at an all time low (no pun intended). I noticed my thoughts were tangibly more hateful, I would get pissed off and annoyed much more easily over minor things, and my brain would automatically make up the worst stories about people and I just began assuming everyone is an awful person on default. I’ve been stressed before but this is different, I never had such hateful thoughts about people (especially people I never met, or only knew from seeing them in the dorm hall)

Finally, four months in, I call both of them and explain my feelings and that I cannot be in a relationship with R anymore. I tell them that I could try just letting S and R date and I date S as well. But after a month of that I was in so much pain and so stressed and fucked up from the situation that I messed up my last semester of college.

R texts S and insinuates that they think S should break up with them… instead of just mutually breaking up or R backing out of the situation.

Then after S broke up with them, over text, S had to comfort R for hours. Then I had to comfort R after S went to bed.

Turns out not only were we their first relationship, but in fact we are R’s only friends besides their sister.

I was hoping once they were finally broken up and we all had a few months to heal that things would be okay, but it still sickens me having to interact with R.

I have been trying to convince myself that I don’t have to like everyone and that maybe I just dislike R, but I wasn’t so affected by them until after we started dating. But I don’t know if jealousy alone would exacerbate my physical/mental reactions to them.

And to clarify—I am still with S, S has been super supportive and has said (and shown) that I am their biggest priority and that they love me and want to be with me. And I trust them and know we have a future together. But I cant keep my brain from coming up with horrible theories about how R is going to steal S away and tell S I’m a bad person and a bunch of other irrational stuff.

And objectively, R is a very kind and sweet person. They are a ‘mom’ type friend and barely curses and gets upset when people are sarcastic/faking being mean (like friends ‘making fun of each other’)

Which just makes it that much worse because I feel like a bad person for having such a negative reaction to someone like that

I want to be able to get to a place where I can interact with R and not feel sick (because we’re in the same friend group and have to interact), but I don’t know if that’s possible.

I don’t fucking know. This is mostly just to vent but also, if anyone has actually read all this, could you share how jealousy makes you feel, or your opinions on this? I think part of my problem is that, being autistic, I’m not sure what feelings are normal or if I’m overreacting or whatever. Any input is much appreciated

[anonymus7277272626672]

the falling part of the rollercoaster

A year ago i was miserable, completely and utterly miserable and i had planned my suicide for years i was self harming every day and i hated myself more than any other emotion, i wasnt myself anymore i was a rotting peel of what i couldve been. i was doing so bad and every day i encountered a new low. But then i found a friend, i found love and i truly truly foudn love in her, she has been a beacon of hope ever since she truly saved my life but not only that but she planted hope in my again, she quite literally saved me from my depression just from existing. Then the first tragedy struck, i was down 40 kgs (i was 140 before and after getting out of my depression i focused on that a lot), i was taking a gap semester before going to college and i was cured of my depression and was on my journey, my dog died and it felt like a punch to the stomach, like if mmike tyson went berserk and hit me with all his power. for almost a month i cried and i little by little started to realize i could deal with it i could learn from it and take it as a jumping pad to grow to be a better person. Then my dad died, november 24 2022, everything i had worked so hard to build was destroyed, at 19 and very unexperienced and with a very incomplete relationship with my dad and at the most unexpected moment and time with no warning my father died, a few months prior i had decided to keep distance from him cause i was scared of whatever ive always been afraid of, i miss him so much and even after all these months and trying so hard i always get back to step one ¨hes not proud of me and he wasnt and i have completely let him down¨ and ¨its all my fault¨ i hate how i feel about this and i hate he died and no one can understand the pain and the emotions i feel, no one not even therapists or friends whove lost parents no one understands it and i hate it so much. Then my other dog died and i just couldnt, i had one of the worst anxiety attacks ive ever had and i was with my girlfriend of 5 years at the time i was told and she didnt seem like she cared about that or anything else that was going on with me and i had never felt so alone, my two dogs had been with me for 14 years and i loved them so much and now i lost them both. Then a bit later my girlfriend of 5 years left me, plain and simple didnt love me anymore, she didnt really care for me anymore i could tell and she broke me truly, cause her goodbye kind of signified a true change in my life because now i would truly realize i was alone, she had someone else already and i was the luckiest motherfucker to have her and i never did deserve her but yeah she left me alone and i begged her to stay at first then garnered all my strength and said ¨if that is truly how you feel then i wont ask you to stay, i just hope you have the best life¨, lifes been hard all by myself. She left me on the first week or so of my first semester in university and through the first six months i was truly alone, i made no friends and lost most of them so i was genuienly deeply lonely with no one to care about me or for me so i just suffered and cried alone mostly. Then i was shot at twice (they didnt hit me but it hit me very deep cause it was clsoe to my home and i almost died right outside my house if not for a bush i hid in) and the next day i was sexually harassed and that traumatized me horribly to the point i almost panic everytime a man of similar age speaks to me or when someone wears a red jacket and some words are also pretty big triggers. Then i lost my tortoise jojo (she died because of a parasite) who had been one of my closest beings since the pandemic started and she accompanied me through everything and she died as well. It is now summer and im holding on but i feel myself falling over and over again and standing back up if anything seems harder and harder with every time. i wish i could write more in depth about eveyrhting and i might but not at this hour. if you read this thank you for it i appreciate it and i hope you have a wonderful life.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

Where do I start with this? I guess I’ll just start with saying that this is going to cover topics of the virus, fear of homelessness, mental and physical health, dissatisfaction with politics, domestic violence (sexual and emotional), and workplace harassment. So those are the trigger warnings if anyone is reading this I guess. 

Coronavirus/Health:

At the end of 2021 I was feeling extremely downhearted about Coronavirus. Obviously I’m far from the first person who felt that way and I’ll likely be far from the last. But having lived in a city that didn’t get hit with an uncontainable outbreak until August 2021 (and realistically wasn’t deemed as uncontainable until mid to late October 2021), I’ve always felt like my reactions to this pandemic were well and truly delayed from most of the rest of the world’s. Yet simultaneously, it also felt like I was weirdly more scared than a lot of the world because I had seen what this virus could do, the devastation it had caused elsewhere, without being burnt out or desensitised to it consistently being around. 

So when, in late October, it became clear that the federal government was no longer going to fund any state that continued lockdowns knowing that most states couldn’t fund it themselves, I went from scared to angry to hopeless very quickly, especially given my mother who I live with hadn’t been vaccinated and has a range of pre-existing conditions.

This really reached a head when, in the week before Christmas, I had a Covid scare where a coworker who had only been to work (as a hotel housekeeper) and seen his fiancé who had only been to work (as a nurse) caught Covid and potentially passed it onto me (another person who had only been to work and seen their family they live with who had also only been to work). While you obviously should not moralise a pandemic, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pissed that I, someone who had literally only left the house to survive, had potentially caught it while a lot of my other coworkers and guests at the hotel I was working at were bragging about how much they travelled for fun/broke the rules and how they hadn’t caught it or it was “not so bad”. 

Thankfully for me, I came back negative and left that job to start a new one at a psychology clinic just after the new year. Less thankfully, some of my new coworkers were just as reckless. One in particular, was off with coronavirus when I started. Approximately a month into the job, I got a call from my boss stating that one of the psychologists had caught it, but no one else had yet. Given I hadn’t seen this psychologist all week and was asymptomatic at the time, I was expecting a negative result. What I didn’t know was the one of my reception coworkers who I spend 7.5+ hours with a day had not only gone partying with this psychologist the weekend before, but had also lied about taking a RAT test so that she could attend her brother’s wedding. So yeah, I came back positive and she later felt sick (near the point of hospitalisation) and also came back positive. Have y’all ever worked a 65ish hour week (when you’re meant to work 37.5 and didn’t get paid for the extra) at a job you’ve barely started, at home, with people who are bitter that “you” have made them stay home despite them going out/being higher risk than you, all while fighting the delta variant of Covid and being terrified that you’ll pass it onto your unvaccinated mother with health issues? I don’t recommend it to say the least. Since then, there’s been a few more scares at work, my mother and brother had a few scares, and my brother caught and was almost hospitalised with Covid. Thankfully in all instances, my mother has been able to avoid it.

Though I did not become too ill while having Covid (2 days of a really bad throat), I unfortunately caught what we are hoping is long Covid. A few days after “recovering” and testing negative for Covid, I noticed that I could barely take a few steps without feeling dizzy and exhausted. In my first outing out since the uncontrollable Covid wave hit my state, I went to the plant store with my family and had to sit down in each aisle and sit and eat for an hour before being able to drive home. After some research, I learned that Covid fatigue was a thing and could last up until 3 months after catching it, especially given I had just worked that 65 hour week. So I didn’t think much more of it past joking with my boss that I may look overtired when I went back to work the following Monday. However, within the month I started noticing that I was consistently losing and regaining vision in my left eye, the left side of my face going completely numb and drooping for up to an hour at a time, consistent headaches when I rarely had them before and moments where I couldn’t comprehend speak even if I could comprehend that someone was speaking to me. As someone with a family history of strokes, I was terrified and went to the hospital. My mother, the most “buckle down and just work through it” person I know even reached the point of tears and begging me to quit my job and take it easier because she doesn’t want to lose another daughter, and if I’m honest with you, that moment will stick with me forever. It’s since been about 2 months of being in and out of hospital, getting blood and brain scans done to ultimately be told “yes there’s extra matter on your brain. No there’s nothing further we can do. Come back in 6 months if you’re not better”. And while obviously I’m glad that I’m hopefully not on death’s doorstep, the idea of having to do the “thoughts and prayers” approach and just sit back as I feel my body deteriorate to a level I didn’t think possible, especially at this age, has put me in a state of grief I haven’t felt since before I accepted my family situation for what it was... and that’s saying a lot.

Work

So obviously a lot of my work situation has been tied up in what I’ve said above and what I’ll say below in terms of feared homelessness, but on top of that, for about a quarter of the time I was at my current job, I faced unfair treatment by a new manager. While there was only one instance where I could fully put my finger and articulate “No this is bullshit and not my fault and this is why”, it reached a point where I physically felt anxious and nauseous just being around this person and my boss had to get involved.

As a bit of background to this, my boss had only recently taken over the company late last year. When the new year came in, his daughter (somewhat ironically) started having the same issues as me with something happening with her brain but no one knowing what. Up until this new manager came, my coworker who’s brother had the wedding was pretty much doing the manager role, but like how I have been, she had a bunch of other responsibilities and illnesses. So when we had a meeting in my first month at this job and the boss announced we were getting an actual manager, we assumed my coworker had said it was too much for her. Turns out she had not and felt blindsided by it all. So when the day came for the new manager to start, she was bitter.

Given all of this, despite it not being my job and me not knowing how to do half the manager stuff, I trained the new manager. Somewhere along the way, my coworker seemingly warmed up to the new manager and suddenly they were taking long smoke breaks and siding with each other on everything. My coworker even started training the manager in the manager stuff. And in theory, that was good. I didn’t have to worry about stuff not getting done or cold energies between them. But then the true colours showed.

Like I said, there’s only one real instance where I can put my foot down and say that the new manager very obviously mistreated me to the point it can’t be denied. Before that, it was a mix of microaggressions, expectations and just a lack of giving me the benefit of the doubt where she would with my coworker in matters that were seemingly my fault. In one instance, I was blamed for cancelling an appointment the psychologist this patient was seeing cancelled. In another, I was blamed for booking in a patient with a psychologist who usually does but was not currently taking on that age range. However, when I went to call the client, they told me that they had spoken directly to the boss who gave that recommendation and told them to call me, something I did not remember until the client said it. 

In both instances, I gave the manager the benefit of the doubt that it was just because she was new and stressed that she had misread things. And in what I now realised was a mistake, I tried to be diplomatic and ask her to give me the same respect she had given my coworker and ask before accusing me so that I could try to keep my anxiety down. I didn’t even ask for an apology even though I deserved one. She responded by convincing my boss that he didn’t need to be involved with the reception staff and anything, complaints included, had to be run through her before going to my boss. She also started bringing in new measures like not working from home, the need for medical attendance certificates for even an hour off (usually it’s 2 days in my country), expecting us to work overtime if we spent even a minute extra on lunch (our workplace is very lenient on people coming back from lunch late so long as it’s not ridiculously much later, but also this impacted me more than them because my health issues have meant I couldn’t drive to work and my times were discussed with my boss to make sure I don’t have to wait around for a bus) and more. She even reached a point where, in front of my coworkers, she pretty much told me that the boss was super unhappy with me despite him singing my praises the week before. During this process, my coworker said nothing. After a few weeks of her and my coworker blaming me for every mistake (whether because they thought I made the mistake but overblew it in a way their mistakes weren’t or because me not being there due to illness meant they were too busy which led them to take shortcuts) and just generally being icy towards me, I started questioning if I should leave for everyone’s sake. 

Eventually, the day came where the manager mistreated me in the undeniable way. In short, one of the psychologists had contacted my boss and us to say she was a household contact and was working from home for a week. I was ill on that day, but my boss asked me to work from home, so I called the psychologist’s clients for that day and let them know. The manager found out and said she didn’t want me working from home so I let her know that I had called that day’s clients but none of the rest and if the manager didn’t want me working from home, she or my coworker had to call them. The manager said that that’d be fine. Given the psychologist only worked 4 days in the isolation time and had a 5 day break in between me being ill and her next shift and the others didn’t say anything about not calling the psychologist’s clients in between, I just assumed the job was done. It was only when the psychologist called on the day of her next shift that I had learned it hadn’t been done. When I asked the others about it, the manager twisted it as my fault because I, a low level employee who was in hospital, should have checked it was done and not just assumed that either of them were capable enough to do it even though she assured me it would be done instead of her as the manager who was physically at work and telling me not to work from home doing it or checking it was done. I spent my lunch time with the worst stroke related symptoms I’ve had in this experience to the point I couldn’t eat and cried pretty much all the way home before calling my boss and telling him that I was quitting. Even then, I didn’t say it was because of her or what happened, just that my health had reached the point where I could no longer work. He asked for one final conversation with me before I quit, and even though I knew he would ask me to stay, given the respect and lenience he had shown me in my time working this job, I said yes with a side that I had medical appointments the rest of the week so it’d be the next week.

The following Monday he pulled me aside and we had coffee. Before I could even bring up anything, he told me that my coworker had dobbed in the manager for bullying me and asked that if that was the reason I was leaving, to give him time and he’d sort things out. While I believed him, I was at a point where given all the psychological chess games being played on all ends, I knew deep down I could not stay because I wouldn’t be able to trust my coworker, him or any new manager in case it happened again. So I told him about the undeniable event, to which he agreed I was not at fault and hinted that it was not a first off for the manager to blame me for something he felt was on her, but ultimately said I was leaving for health reasons. And in all fairness, that is true. It is just that some of those reasons are psychological due to his other staff’s actions. We agreed we would get two people to replace me (he noted the extra hours I had done, which, to this day is now around 45 extra hours, but maintained that I would not get paid for them which added to why I am leaving) as soon as possible and I agreed to stay until they can be reasonably trained and stay on as part time in the meanwhile. He made sure I knew I didn’t have to rush out the door when the new people came, but as it is, I will be finishing up this week.

Since then, my health and housing situation got worse and things did not get better with the manager despite my boss talking to her. On the day of my MRI, I received communication from my boss saying that my manager no longer works with us. Later that day, when I tried to upload my medical certificate, the email password had been changed. I have since had my suspicions confirmed by my coworker that the manager was fired, but have no clue exactly how it went down. Although I would be lying if I said I didn’t have my guesses. My coworker has also flipped back to disliking the now ex manager.

While I am devastated about the reasons behind it and anxious that I’m not going to find anything better and will be unsatisfied in every job, I am genuinely looking forward to finishing up this week and having a break in the form of my first holiday since early 2020 next week with one of my best friends.

Feared Homelessness:

As if being the sickest I’ve ever been consistently from factors I had to be in to survive and facing bullying at work wasn’t enough of a reason to hate capitalism and lose faith in the government, my mother have been put in a position by our state government (our landlords) where we are fighting a legal battle just to stay in my childhood home that we’ve lived in for 25 years.

Just after I “recovered” from Covid, we received a notice saying that we would need to vacate our house permanently as the government is planning to redevelop it as it’s “too expensive” to keep up maintenance (which is laughable given they have done shit all maintenance in the last 15 years despite our begging). As part of this notice, we it was made clear that we would not be moving back into the redeveloped place, but there was no indication of what would happen next/if they even had a property for us to move into. As you can imagine, the next few days were us scrambling around contacting anyone we could think of to help us. Eventually, the minister for Housing got back to us and said that while she still expected us to move, she would send over workers to calm any fears we had about it and assured us that we would be moved into another public property and that all of our requirements would be met. 

However, during the meeting, it was made very clear very quickly that not only were our needs not going to be met, but that they wanted to isolate my mother away from my brother and I not just as her support system, but due to my legal knowledge from having a law degree. My mother was pushed to sign off consent to move before seeing any properties, told that my brother and I could not have notice to give to work to go to house showings (part of the reason I quit my job was to make sure I could be around in case we needed to go to a meeting or showing with such short notice) and impressed upon that the longer she waited to agree the worse the properties would be with even the best of them likely not being up to the standard of this house. We were also made aware that the reason we could not move back after redevelopment was because the house was not getting redeveloped at all, it was being sold at auction due to us living in a wealthy part of town with the government not willing to entertain us buying it. They were also unwilling to confirm that this would never happen again.

Around the same time, I contacted the CEO of ACTCOSS as she was pushing back on the forced relocation of ACT residents. After telling her how the meeting went, she informed me that there are approximately 300 households in our state that are in our position and that over a third of them had contacted her telling similar stories to ours. She also noted that my mother (who is in her mid sixties with disabilities) was in the majority group of vulnerable citizens being “targeted” on the guise of the government saying it’s due to the houses being older. She also noted that she was putting media pressure and having meetings with the government to try to get them to back off, and while she has had some success, especially with it being a federal election year, it felt more like she was pushing off the inevitable than actually getting them to stop at this point.

Since then, on the advice of the CEO of ACTCOSS (and my own instinct regardless), we have sought out legal advice, put in an exemption request (a formality, we expect it will be knocked back but don’t want to be accused of not doing all we can to fight) and written to as many politicians as we can. Ultimately, it does feel like we are still going to have to move, but we’ll definitely be doing all we can to stay in the meanwhile and I am grateful that the CEO of ACTCOSS and her allies continue all they can to help and that we’re not fully alone in this.

As part of their help, my mother and I attended a group meeting last week where I realised that somehow, we were among the people least fucked over by this program. During the 2 hour meeting, I heard about people living in their houses for 40+ years being kicked out and others who had put over $15,000AUD into their properties because the government refused to fix things or put in ramps for those who had had a stroke or otherwise became physically disabled. All of them told similar stories to us about feeling like the government was trying to isolate them, in some cases, having government employees break the law by showing up to these vulnerable citizen’s places unannounced so that no family would be there. Suddenly my mother’s paranoia that someone was sitting in a car watching the house recently didn’t seem so paranoid, especially knowing they came and verbally abused my mother at one point and only left because my brother came out of the house.

The whole thing has been a mess, and honestly, the stress from it has probably the biggest contributor of my declining health. It has also instilled a new hopelessness when it comes to the government in me. Because while it’s easy to blame Covid or the 2019 fires or whatever else on the conservative federal government, my state government has never been so left winged. Out of 25 seats, we have 10 of them being occupied by the major left/centrist party and 6 (4 more than usual) being occupied by the extreme left minor party. When we had our state election in late 2020, I really thought this outcome would lead to a place where the left/centrist party would be challenged and not just stay complacent in their 20+ year tenure as our state leaders. And yet, these same systems that prey on vulnerable people are in place with the minor left party siding with the centrists rather than pushing for better. And honestly? I’m devastated and so disillusioned by that to the point where I don’t know if I can ever even advocate for the minor left party anymore (obviously I do not feel like the right wing party will do better, don’t twist my words, but yeah, I definitely expected better than this from a left winged government). Like these politicians built careers off of the guise of caring for the vulnerable and sharing their own experiences with living in public housing just to turn into class traitors and kick everybody else out for having the same experiences.

Personal Life.

Personal life? Does that exist with all the other chaos going on and me barely leaving the house? Surprisingly yes. Is a lot of it good? Unsurprisingly no.

Around the time I had my first Covid scare last year, my then partner and I were having a rough patch because he felt more confident being out in public while I was still staying home outside of work. This led to a place where he went to a Christmas party where we fought over the phone, and, not that I realised it was at the time, unwillingly ended up in bed with his ex. When he came back, he told me that he had slept with her and left me just before I caught Covid. Given that this ex was always abusive (age gap with her being in a position of power, csa, grooming etc), I obviously told him he was making a mistake, but somehow the situation was worse than I even imagined. Because it turns out that the version of events I created in my head where she convinced him to drink a lot and sleep with her because she was there and I “refused” to be wasn’t bad enough. She had actually drugged him and tied him down. Moreso, the day he left me was the day she told him she was pregnant, claiming it was his and refusing to let him have access if he didn’t stay with her all while abusing him in the meanwhile and threatening to say he attacked then abandoned her if he left. 

And before anyone starts with “he could have fought that legally” yeah, but you need money for that and unfortunately all his money is wrapped up in a family who (apart from his brother was also abused by this woman) to this day is defending her despite knowing what she did. She also hadn’t left her husband nor told him what happened throughout all of this. So it was months of heart-breaking conversations where I thought my ex was regretting his decision and was heartbroken over her treating him like a toy rather than loving him when in reality it was a dumpster fire. In a weird way, it is very Daphne du Maurier’s Rebecca-esk with having the absolute wrong impression about a situation and if it wasn’t so serious, I’d laugh.

Anyway, long story short, he ended up telling me what happened and that he was planning to get a paternity test but stay with her if it is his. When the time came, the child wasn’t his and she acted in such a way that she is now in prison for assault, her husband knows everything and while my ex is obviously scarred, he at least has a chance to recover. I don’t know what the future holds for us, and hopefully it is together, but for now, that’s enough.

Otherwise, I’m hoping it’s blue skies from here. As alluded to, everything that has happened has shifted how I see my life at the moment, and while I’m not rushing to be unsafe, it’s clear that life stops for no one and I need to do things while I still am able. So from the 11th to 18th of May, I’m going out of my state for the first time in nearly 2 1/2 years for a holiday. And while I have already made changes I never would have which would otherwise cause me anxiety (quitting a job without having something else lined up etc), on the most part I am feeling secure that this is the right path for me and I’ll be ready for whatever comes next.

#this is just me catching my breath and trying to articulate what's happened to me this year #so if you're not here for my personal life (which is your right) this is not the post for you #about me

[tobesolonely]

grammy night

A/n: like most of you, watching harry perform WS did something to me. i rushed to my computer to write this IMMEDIATELY... not proofread but i hope u all enjoy nonetheless! Thanks @nationalharryleague​ for looking this over and hyping me up.

summary: y/n wants to show her grammy winning boyfriend just how proud she is of him💕

warnings: smut, mentions of the pandemic!

word count: ~3k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

You decided that “Harry Styles, Grammy-nominated artist!” had a lovely ring to it.

Harry knew how proud you were of him; you had been making it known to him in the days leading up to his big night. You fretted over him more than you usually did, showered him in an obnoxious amount of compliments, and were the most intimate you’d ever been with him–– but who was he to complain? 

Obviously, he knew you could care less whether he won or lost, and quite frankly, he didn’t care either. Just being able to perform at the Grammy’s, much less open it, was the opportunity of a lifetime. The fact that he was hitting such a big professional milestone with you by his side just made it that much better. You were both buzzing.

It had been months since Harry had performed. You knew how much he missed being in front of a live audience and hearing people scream his name, conceited as he was. He had been spending so much time rehearsing the one song he was performing, wanting it to be absolutely perfect. Your boyfriend was a perfectionist, after all! If he was going to do something, he either did it one hundred and ten percent, or he didn’t do it at all.

Although you were used to your boyfriend’s pre-performance jitters, it still wasn’t an easy sight to see. He would pace so much that beads of sweat would collect in his hairline; he’d shake, tremble, and have to be reminded to breathe. You’d think after ten years of doing this he would be a pro, but he was only human, after all. 

“Been so long since I performed in front of people,” Harry muttered to you, examining his reflection in his make-shift dressing room. “‘M nervous.”

“Don’t be nervous,” you reply, coming up behind him to rub his shoulders. He shoots you a look in the mirror. “I know it’s easier said than done but you have nothing to worry about. It’s “Watermelon Sugar” honey–– you’ve got nothing to worry about. You’ve performed this one dozens of times.”

“Things are jus’ so different now,” his voice drops an octave. “What if people are tired of the song?”

“I don’t think people are tired of the song.”

“It played on the radio a lot. Came out in 2019––”

“...And you’ve been busy with other things. No one’s gonna be upset that you haven’t released new music in the middle of a pandemic H, I promise you.”

Harry’s gaze meets yours again in the mirror briefly before he tilts his head back, silently asking for a kiss. You plant one on his lips before grabbing a tissue from a small table beside him, dabbing at his hairline.

“Stop sweating everything off, Harry,” you playfully scold your boyfriend. “Make-up artist has already been by to touch you up three times already, she’s probably running out of product.”

Your boyfriend lightly chuckles at this, causing you to smile. “I’ll just tell my body to cut it out. How’s tha’ sound?”

“Sounds good,” you reply, leaning down to kiss his nose. “You alright?”

You notice Harry deeply inhale. “I think so. How do I look?”

“Like a Grammy-nominated, soon-to-be Grammy-winning, artist.” 

Harry’s skin flushes. “Stop it…” The sound of three short knocks on the door of his dressing room causes panic to flood his features.

“Hey, look at me,” you gently grab your boyfriend’s chin, turning his gaze up towards yours. “It’s my job to believe in you when you don’t believe in yourself. If you get nervous just know I’ll be sitting as close to the stage as they’ll let me.”

“Promise?”

“Promise. Now, go make me proud.”

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

“Breathe me in, breathe me out…”

If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought Harry’s nerves in his dressing room were all theatrics. He was so in his element on stage, you were one hundred percent sure no one knew he was so nervous twenty minutes prior that he was turning green. He kept looking out into the small crowd, searching for you, and flashing you a dimpled grin once he did. 

You were enjoying watching him prance around the stage while trying to keep up with the band on stage, looking a bit too proud of himself when he was able to stay on the beat while rhythmically snapping his hips along to the song. As the song came to an end and the dimmed lights started coming back on, you were led back to Harry’s dressing room by one of his guards as you heard the next performer being introduced.

“How did I do?” Harry asks loudly, adrenaline still coursing through his veins.

His voice causes you to jump. “You scared the shit out of me! How’d you get off stage so quickly?”

Harry grabs your arm and pulls you off the couch, wrapping you in a tight, sweaty hug. “Don’t know. I basically ran to ya.”

“You did incredibly,” you tell him, lips ghosting over his. “Just like I knew you would. I don’t wanna say you were nervous for nothing, but you kinda were.”

“Don’t wanna hear your teasin’.”

“Did you see how everyone was looking at you?”

“I only saw how you were lookin’ at me. I was only lookin’ at you.”

Your body heats up at Harry’s admission, causing you to look away. “You’re so cheesy, H.”

“I think I would’ve been about fifty times more nervous if you weren’t here with me,” he presses his nose against yours. “Thank you for bein’ here, Y/N. You make this whole thing so much more doable.” Harry places one… two… three wet kisses to your cheek before pulling away, walking back over to close the door he left open during his excitement to re-join you.

“Changing?”

“Yeah,” Harry turns to look at you as he pulls off his jacket. The sight of his bare chest causes you to thickly swallow. “‘M gonna put what I was wearin’ on the red carpet back on. We’re gonna move outside.”

You simply hum in response to what Harry said, sitting back on the couch to scroll through your phone as you wait for him to finish changing. Everyone was congratulating Harry on his performance and wishing him luck on his nominations. You read all the good luck texts for him that were sent to you out loud, watching as his smile grows bigger and bigger from all the love he was being showered in.

After helping Harry powder his T-zone you let him lead you out of the small room and out into an area with spaced-out circular tables, most of them with just two or three seats at them. The Grammy’s in the middle of a pandemic was unlike anything you had ever seen before, and you were pleasantly surprised at how smoothly things were running. Jeff is already sat at the table when you and Harry join him and you can visibly see him let out the breath he was holding.

“Your boyfriend ran off stage so quickly I thought I was gonna have to set up a search party to find him,” Jeff tells you, a slight hint of annoyance present in his voice. He then turns to Harry and says, “Fix your mask, please.”

“It is fixed,” Harry grumbles but adjusts it nonetheless, causing you to giggle. 

Even though it was obvious your boyfriend was enjoying himself, you could still tell he was extremely nervous the closer it became to announcing the winner of the category he was nominated in. His grip on your thigh kept growing tighter and tighter and although you didn’t hate it, you worried he might cut off your circulation soon if he didn’t let go of you soon.

“H, take a deep breath,” you lean over to whisper in his ear. “You’re gonna make my thigh fall off.”

“Sorry, love,” if you could see his mouth under his mask, you’d see him biting his plump lips. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my fuckin’ life.”

“Never?”

“Have I?”

“I dunno. I’m asking you.”

You see Harry’s eyes crinkle. “Maybe when I asked you out for the first time.”

“You are seriously so cheesy.”

Harry doesn’t respond, just takes your hand in his and directs his attention back to the stage. His palm is sweaty in yours but you don’t release his grip on your hand, wanting to offer him as much comfort as you possibly could.

When they start naming the nominees for Best Pop Solo Performance, you literally have to remind Harry to control his breathing. Although he won’t be upset if he doesn’t win, you know it would still mean quite a bit to him if he did.

“And the winner for Best Pop Solo Performance is… Harry Styles!”

Your mouth falls open in shock as you turn to fully face your boyfriend who was looking down at your intertwined hands, eyes wide in surprise. He genuinely wasn’t expecting to win and that made this victory that much sweeter. 

“Harry!” You yell to be heard above the cheers and applause of his colleagues in the crowd. Jeff stands and grabs Harry’s hand, pulling him out of his seat and into a tight hug. You stand up and clap loudly in admiration for your boyfriend, willing the tears not to fall from your eyes. He removes himself from Jeff and pulls you into him, your head pressed against his chest.

“I won a fuckin’ Grammy!” Harry shouts.

“I know!” You shout back, probably more excited than he was. “Get up there!”

Your boyfriend quickly removes his mask and hands it to you before hurrying to the makeshift stage, hugging the presenter before touching his Grammy in awe. He picks it up and then slowly sets it back down, shaking his head in disbelief. 

“To everyone who made this record with me, thank you so much…” 

You can’t stop the few tears that spill over your waterline–– you were so unbelievably proud of him. You’re not even paying attention to his acceptance speech as you’re too preoccupied with looking at everyone staring at your boyfriend in admiration. 

“Lastly, I want to thank my girlfriend who’s sitting right there next to my manager, Jeffrey. She’s my number one fan, always believes in me when I don’t believe in myself,” he looks down at his shoes bashfully. “Wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it weren’t for her. This is our Grammy, love.”

You blow kisses to your boyfriend, ignoring the feeling of everyone’s eyes on you. As far as you were concerned, you and Harry were the only two people around at that moment. Your heart couldn’t have been any more full.

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ ⊹ ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

To absolutely no one's surprise, you and Harry couldn’t keep your hands off each other for the remainder of the night. You were relieved there were no after parties being held that Harry would be expected to attend due to the pandemic because you could not get him alone fast enough.

“Slow down, Y/N,” Harry sets his Grammy on the foyer table as he kicks off his shoes. “Just us, innit? We’ve got all night, haven’t we?”

“I’m just so proud,” you tell him breathlessly, sucking on the underside of his jaw. “Let me show you.”

“You have been showin’ me. A lot, actually,” Harry leans his head back and closes his eyes in pleasure as you lick tantalizingly slow against his veiny neck. “Guess one more time wouldn’t hurt, though.”

“Do you want me to blow you or not?”

“Oh, so that’s what’s gonna happen here?”

“If you’re gonna be annoying, then no.”

“Kiiiding,” Harry rolls his eyes, pressing a gentle kiss to your nose. “C’mon, let me get you upstairs.”

”You’re the one that won a Grammy, not me,” you remind him. “Let me make you feel good.”

Harry lets out a quiet hum, guiding you towards the couch. “Exactly–– I’m the winner. Doesn’t that mean I should get what I want tonight?” He falls backward onto the couch, pulling you atop his lap. His hand roams down the front of your dress and he squeezes your breasts roughly, clearly delighted that you decided to forgo a bra tonight.

“I suppose,” you answer, biting back a moan. 

“You suppose? Not in the mood for it tonight?” He starts to retract his hand but you grab his wrist, stopping him.

“I am!” You don’t even try to hide how desperate you are for your boyfriend.

“Gonna let me taste you, hmm?” As Harry asks his question he slowly slides off the couch and onto his knees in front of you, bunching your dress up around your hips. He leans in close to your already dripping center and inhales deeply, a blissed-out look on his face. “Smell fuckin’ incredible. I gotta taste ya.”

You spread your legs wider without even thinking about it, almost as if it’s on instinct. Harry easily moves your underwear to the side and immediately connects his lips with your clit, not giving you time to adjust to the sensation before he’s just going at it.

“Oh, Harry…”

“Rings on or off?” His voice is muffled due to your thighs being clamped around his head, but you can still understand what he’s saying.

“On!”

Harry chuckles against your cunt before sliding his index finger in with ease, loving the way you immediately clenched around the digit. “Y’like that, lovie? Wanna take another one?”

“Please.” Your boyfriend already has you breathless despite the fact that he was just getting started.

Harry slips his middle finger into you along with his index finger and starts curling it up in the way he knew you liked, trying his hardest to stimulate your g-spot. He looks extremely focused; leave it to Harry to make a night that was supposed to be all about him, not.

“S’fuckin’ tight,” he says, more so to himself. “You’d think with all the shags we’ve been ‘avin lately you’d be used to my fingers by now.”

You let out a loud groan at your boyfriend’s dirty talk. He knew that it was one of your biggest kinks so he usually overdid it just a tad bit. It’s not like you were complaining, though.

“Guess that means you’re not fuckin’ me hard enough, huh?”

Harry stops his movements and looks up at you through slightly hooded eyes, an amused (but not really) look on his face. “Not fuckin’ you hard enough? Well, why didn’t you just say so?”

You can tell by the tone of Harry’s voice that he has it out for you now, but there’s no use in recanting your statement. He was about to make sweet, primal, love to you and god were you ready. Harry goes back to mercilessly fucking into you with his thick fingers, speeding up or slowing down his pace based on how you clench around him.

”Fuck, H.”

“Feels nice?” He goes from moving his fingers in a ‘come hither’ motion to a scissoring motion which feels just as good if not better.

“Yeah, really nice,” your fingers are tangled in Harry’s hair and you know he’ll give you hell later for getting it all knotted. “I’m close.”

“Already? Haven’t even properly fucked you yet,” Harry removes his fingers from you aching cunt agonizingly slow, wiping them on his expensive Gucci trousers. “Guess I’ll jus’ have to fix that, yeah?”

“I guess so.”

“You’ve got a mouth on you tonight, pet. Is that really any way to treat your Grammy-winning boyfriend-”

“Harry, come off it!” You exclaim, letting out a loud laugh as you watch him stand up and unbutton his pants. “You’re insufferable, I swear.”

Harry shoots you one of his blindingly bright smiles, wiggling his eyebrows as his pants pool around his feet. “Hey, ‘m just statin’ facts.”

He collapses onto the couch and pats his lap, giving his leaking cock two quick tugs. “Ride me.”

“Just because you won a Grammy doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask nicely anymore.”

“Y/N, my beautiful, dazzling, elegant girlfriend, will you please do me the honors of riding––”

“Why do you make everything so weird?” You groan as Harry laughs and pulls you into his lap with ease, wincing when your thigh brushes against his cock. Wordlessly, he places his hands on your hips and helps you sink down onto him, taking his lip in between his teeth to keep from yelling out.

”Fuck me…”

“I’m about to,” you reply, resting your head on his shoulder as you adjust to his size. His hands roam the expanse of your back as he waits for you to get used to the feeling on him, wanting to feel every part of your body all at once. Without warning, you begin sluggishly rolling your hips. You were in no rush anymore; you had him inside of you, and that was all you wanted from the start.

“S’that all you got in ya?” His tone is cheeky, almost mocking. “I think you can give me more than tha’.”

“I dunno if I can.”

“Why’s that?” Harry bucks his hips upward slightly causing you to let out a loud gasp.

“I just want you to fuck me. I don’t wanna do any work.”

At this, Harry quickly flips you over so your sweaty body is now below his. You moan at the sensation the new angle immediately brought you. “Want me on top like this? This is how you wanna have me, angel?”

You nod. 

“Answer me.”

“Yes, Harry,” your eyes squeeze shut as Harry begins quickly thrusting into you. “God, yes. That feels amazing.”

“Yeah? Do you like it when I fuck you like this?” Harry reaches his hand down to thumb at you clit and raises an eyebrow while awaiting your answer.

“God,” you grab onto your breasts to prevent them from bouncing around as Harry’s thrusting into you but he rips your hand away.

“Wanna see ‘em.”

“Right there,” you moan, no longer trying to bite back your sounds of pleasure. Between Harry eating you out, fingering you, and now fucking you harder than he has in ages, you were a few sloppy thrusts away from coming all over his cock. “I’m gonna cum–”

“...Already?”

You know he’s teasing but you still reach between your sweaty bodies to swat at his bare chest. “Don’t tease!”

“‘M messin’ with ya, puppy,” Harry pushes his curls out of his eyes. “I’m almost there- you first. Cum for me, Y/N.”

Harry doesn’t have to tell you twice. You spasm around his cock as soon as he tells you to, lifting your hips up to meet him as you could tell he was growing tired. Harry pulls out moments later, muttering a quick, “Where do you want it?” before finishing on your chest.

The silence that fills the room is comforting but of course, it’s cut short by your pest of a boyfriend.

“If that's what I got just for winning one Grammy, what would I get if I won the others?”

#harry styles smut #harry styles #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x reader #harry styles fluff #harry styles imagine #harry styles blurb #harry styles one shot #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fic

[cheeringyouon]

How I Take Notes!

Hello friends, hope everyone is doing well and staying safe! With the new semester starting in a little under two months, I thought it would be a good time to make a post on notetaking. Notetaking is one of my absolute favorite ways to learn material that I’m being taught in class. I am a very visual and kinesthetic learner, so the action of writing something down, and being able to look back at something is extremely beneficial to me. I have always despised reading through textbook chapters multiple times, so taking notes in a way that I like makes the learning process more enjoyable to me as well. Although my note taking process may seem intensive and unnecessary to some, this is how I have managed to get by so far.

1. Finding a notetaking style and tool:

There are several different notetaking styles that can be utilized. The two most common ones are either the outline method, or the Cornell notetaking method. I have always followed a version of the outline method- the Cornell method never caught my attention. There are advantages and disadvantages to both styles, but here is a general overview of what each looks like.

Apart from choosing the way you want to take notes, it’s helpful to choose what you want to use to take your notes. I prefer taking notes in notebooks, that I organize by class. I did try taking digital notes once the pandemic hit, but I realized that I despised having to look at a screen in order to study after spending hours watching lecture recordings. I will be going back to taking more detailed notes on paper, but will continue to use digital notes during lectures.

2. Picking a color scheme:

This is something that is based on personal taste, there is absolutely no need to pick a color scheme. Like I said, I am a visual learner, so using a few colors helps me divide the content in my notes and points out key information. I also like to use colors to differentiate between main and subheadings as it helps me keep my notes organized. I used to use a different pen color for literally every line (see image on the left below), but now I realize that it looks like rainbow throw up- I have now become more streamlined in my color choosing process LOL

3. Taking the notes:

In high school, I used to sit in class with my all my pens in my giant pencil bag and make my colorful notes during the lectures. This was doable for me since high school teachers tend to give their lectures at a slower pace so that it is easy for everyone in the room to grasp. However, once I got to university, that became extremely difficult since professors tend to speed through the material in order to cover all the topics.

With that transition, I realized that there were two ways I could go about this:

1. Take time before class to take lecture notes and then add in any details on the side during the lecture. This does help in being more prepared for lectures, but it is time consuming, and requires a tad more motivation to get started. This was especially useful for classes like OCHEM, where the professor would give tips and tricks to understand the numerous reaction mechanisms. For me, having the notes prewritten made it easier to follow along, and understand what he was describing.

2. Take “messy” notes in class and then take time after class to redo my notes in a way that I found useful. If a class is very slide-based, I also will just type out any additional details onto the slides, and then review them after class. This is usually what I do- take messy or scribbled notes on my laptop during class, and then take time after class to take more detailed notes.

For certain classes, the professor may not cover all the details necessary to be successful in the class (these to me are the ABSOLUTE worst kind of prof). In this case, I maintain a separate notebook where I would take notes from the textbook. This would help me fill in any missing gaps from class, and also give me another chance to look through the material.

After taking my notes, I go back through them, and highlight key words/vocabulary to make it easier to see when I review them in time for exams.

4. Using the notes:

Taking the notes, sometimes doing it twice, is extremely time consuming, so it’s important that you put them to good use. I generally only use my notes when I am trying to study for my exams. I find that with the amount of detail I put into my notes, I don’t have to reference textbooks or slides very often.

I also use my notes to make what I call “One-page reviews.” This was a technique that my high school bio teacher had us use in order to prep for or class exams. The idea behind this is to organize the topics and concepts you learned in a unit on a single sheet of paper. This helps keep every key information on one sheet, and helps you connect the dots between concepts as well.

By doing this before every single unit test/class test, it will also make it significantly easier when it comes around to studying for finals- you already have detailed review sheets prepared!

So yeah! This is a rough overview of my notetaking process. I may have skipped over some details, since a lot of this is up to personal preference. No single method works for everyone- it's all a matter of trial and error to see what works best for you. If you have any questions or want me to clarify anything at all, feel free to reach out! I hope this helps 😊

~C

#notetaking #advice #college #highschool #notes #infographic #cheeringyouon #collegeblr #studyblr #college advice #highschool advice #studying #study tips #study techniques #cornell notes #outline notes #notetaking process #college life #study setup #text post #studynotes #student #university #college student #advice post #academia #digital notes #written notes #study blog

[ericspinkhair]

quarantine longings

pairing: best friend!kevin x fem!reader

word count: 3.2k

synopsis: you and your best friend have sex because quarantine made you horny

warnings: best friends to lovers, takes place during the pandemic, spoiler of 356 days (but not the end, just generally the plot), no use of condoms but only the pill, creampie, sexual fantasies, fingering, hand-job, sex, slight angst at the end if you squint

a/n: I would literally die for kevin, I love him so much. I'll be writing a multiple parts series about him after I'm done writing scenarios for every member first.

requests are open!

masterlist + requests

you slammed your foot hard against the wall and cursed in pain. you hopped on one foot to your bed, holding your other leg in agony and tasted blood as you bit your lip to keep the volume of your suffering groans in check. someone knocked on the door.

'are you okay?' your roommate asked concerned.

'no, leave me alone, kevin,' you croaked out. you wanted to suffer by yourself.

there was an awkward silence and then you heard him sigh. soon after, the door next to your room closed shut.

why were you so frustrated, one might ask? well, the pandemic was kicking your butt and you just couldn't take it anymore. when the news of the virus had first spread, no one thought it would become this serious. but suddenly everyone was walking around with masks and spent most of their time staying at home.

after graduating high school, you and kevin had decided to move in together for college because both of you were broke and couldn't afford to live alone. you had been best friends since middle school and had been convinced that it was a smart idea at the time.

and everything went smoothly for the first one and a half years. however, after not seeing anyone else since the start of the pandemic over a year ago, it became increasingly difficult to share an apartment, but not in the way one might assume. you were neither sick of each other nor did you fight a lot. to tell the truth, it was quite the opposite.

earlier, before you had kicked the wall in anger, the two of you had painted together. kevin was majoring in art and, since you didn't have anything better to do, you joined him while he did projects for his classes. you might have been majoring in journalism but you had always liked drawing and painting, even though you weren't particularly skilled. you were a naturally clumsy person, always tripping over air and dropping things. today you were hecticly moving around your hands while telling him about a stupid video you had seen and you accidently let go of the brush in your hand. it hit the side of kevin's face, leaving a wide splodge of red paint on his right cheek.

to get back at you, he jerked his paint brush and splattered some green color on your white shirt. you saw this as a challenge and soon both of you were both drenched in the colors of the rainbow, laughing hysterically on the floor, not caring that you were spreading the paint on the poor carpet.

you turned your heads to look at each other and you felt absolutely in peace. you loved this man and couldn't be more glad that it was him and not anyone else you were stuck with inside of this apartment.

he stood up to take off his stained shirt and your smile quickly faded off your face. your lips slightly parted and you couldn't help but stare at his now exposed biceps and abs.

your mouth watered and you felt heat pooling between your legs as you took your time to study his architecture. thoughts about how badly you wanted him to thrust into you while his strong arms held you up invaded your mind. you tried to shake them off but it was impossible.

occasions like this were slowly becoming a common occurrence for you.

having mostly stayed inside for over a year, also meant that you didn't have sex for that long. it's not like you were the horniest person on the planet but you still had needs that were being neglected. with kevin being home all the time you didn't even dare to masturbate, scared that he would be able to hear you through the frustratingly thin walls. you must have gone insane with all the lust building up inside you and that's why you suddenly craved to have sex with your best friend. this whole thing was destroying everything. it was hard to act normal when he was making you this nervous and heated but you tried to pretend that everything was fine anyway for the sake of your friendship.

that was the reason why you were angry and had hurt yourself. you hated the way you felt about your best friend and you hated the pandemic for not giving you an outlet to escape so you could recollect yourself.

what you weren't aware of was that kevin was no stranger to the exact same frustration.

he would need more than his ten fingers and ten toes to be able to count the amount of times he had to run to the bathroom to hide his boner because he had done so much as look at you bend over or stretch. he didn't want to make you uncomfortable but it was a challenge to try and calm down his hormones.

whenever he jacked off, images of you flashed through his mind; your sweet curves and pink lips drove him insane.

last week, you two were cooking together and you had asked him to get the salt. he stood behind you to reach for it on the highest shelf. he was forced to press his crotch against your butt cheeks and his dick hardened against his will. he quickly handed you the salt, excused himself and ran off before you could figure out what had happened.

he might not have known the cause of your sudden outburst but he sympathized with your fury because he had a lot of pent up anger towards covid as well.

he lay in his bed and tried to focus on the book he was reading but he couldn't tune out the groans coming from the room next to his. he cursed.

'stop it!' he was panicking as he saw a familiar tent forming in his pants. your sounds triggered some weird perverted part of his brain that sent signals right to his genitals. his dick was hardening and he saw no other solution to his problem than to give in to his subconscious desires.

he pulled down his pants just far enough so that his cock had enough room to spring out. it only needed a few strokes before it stood tall and angry. kevin pressed his head into his pillow and moved his hand fast. he wanted to get over with it quickly. he emptied his cum on his stomach while imagining your greedy little mouth being stuffed by his cock. he lay there panting as yet another round of shame flushed over him.

'get yourself together,' he whispered, mentally slapping himself.

***

'do you want to order japanese or italian?' you asked kevin. today was friday which meant it was time for your weekly tradition of ordering take out and watching a movie.

'definitely italian. we've already had japanese for the past four days. I need something else for a change,' kevin complained and shuddered at the thought of having to eat sushi again. the japanese restaurant prepared absolutely delicious food but he just couldn't stand it anymore.

you laughed at his pained facial expression. 'fine, italian it is.'

within twenty minutes the doorbell rang and after about half a minute kevin came back with two huge boxes.

he opened them on the small table situated in front of your couch and the smell of freshly cooked pasta seasoned with basil made your stomach growl.

kevin wanted to dig in already but you stopped him. you had to choose a movie first.

'let's watch tall girl. I saw everyone hate on it on tiktok,' you suggested.

'I think we should watch 365 days, that was all over my for you page as well,' kevin argued. you hadn't heard of it so you weren't sure whether it would be the right movie for you. the rule was that it had to be as bad as possible.

'according to what I have heard, it's apparently even worse than 50 shades of grey,' kevin added which piqued your interest. the both of you had watched 50 shades about two months ago and you were honestly shocked by how awful it actually was. you couldn't understand why everyone had been so obsessed with it when it was first released. if 356 days was really worse, then you'd hit the jackpot. you clapped your hands.

'fine, you win. I swear if the movie isn't as horrible as you say it is then you owe me something!' he intertwined his pinky with yours to promise.

watching horrible movies was way better than watching good ones. making fun of bad storylines, stupid characters or horrible editing was one of your favorite past times.

'I guess I'll have to add are you lost, baby girl to the top 10 worst lines ever spoken. who thought ah yes this is sexy, let's have him repeat it over and over again', you complained, shoving some pasta into your mouth.

'so he's like I won't do anything without your permission while he is literally groping her boobs against her will, like make it make sense, massimo', added kevin, ruffling his hair in frustration. he almost completely forgot about the food.

'so let me get this straight: he drugged her, kidnapped her, tied her up, hung up a painting of her just because he saw her face when his dad was shot?'

'totally relatable.' both of you giggled.

you were enjoying complaining about the plot. it was horrible.

there were plenty of erotic scenes but they were honestly so funny and kinda gross that you could bare it without really being affected by them. kevin, on the other hand, had placed a pillow over his hard-on to hide the embarrassing fact that these terrible, smutty scenes had turned him on.

and then the infamous boat scene came.

massimo and laura had a huge fight, she fell of the boat, he saved her and now she was suddenly so in love with him that she begs him to fuck her. which he does.

you felt your panties become increasingly wet as the couple had steaming hot sex.

'this is embarrassing but I'm so horny,' you admitted but in a way that should have suggested that you meant it as a joke. something about this statement stirred something in kevin.

'well, what can I say?' he replied and lifted the pillow. your pupils widened at the sight of your best friend's bulge.

his eyes darkened and he looked at you with lust clearly written on his face. you reciprocated his stare with the same intensity. you tried to focus on his dark brown orbs instead of his boner but the image you had just seen was present in your mind.

his gaze shifted to your lips and, before you knew it, kevin climbed above you and pressed your back flat onto the couch.

your lips locked and you immediately buried your hands in his hair to pull him closer. you moved in sync, his lips fitting perfectly onto yours. you bucked your hips up against his crotch and earned a moan from kevin. he opened his eyes in shock as realization hit him. he quickly pulled away and jumped off the coach.

'I'm so sorry, y/n. I shouldn't have just done that. I don't know what came over me,' he apologized profusely, staring at his feet. did he really think that you didn't want this?

'give me your hand,' you told him and held out your hand.

'why?' he raised his eyebrows in confusion. you rolled your eyes.

'just do it.'

you took his hand and led it to your crotch.

'what are you- oh my god.' your juices had completely soaked through your panties and your sweatpants. 'you are so wet.'

'for you,' you added. 'there's no need to apologize. I'm literally begging you to continue.'

you didn't have to say that twice before he pulled you closer to him by your hips and engaged you in another desperate kiss. his hands were groping your butt while you let yours slide under his hoodie. you felt his naked skin and toned abs, as you rubbed his stomach. you lowered your hands and bravely palmed his boner through his clothes.

'y/n,' he hissed out against your lips. you hooked your thumbs in the elastic of his pants and underwear, and pushed the material down to his thighs. he struggled to get them off.

you stroked his hard dick as he slipped his hand into your panties to massage your pussy at the same time.

he slipped one finger inside and began working it in and out. you finally were getting the relief you had been desperately craving for for so long. kevin was skilled and your walls were trying to swallow his slim finger. you were quickly coming close to your orgasm after having abstained for more than a year. you pulled his hand out.

'I bet you can make me come even better with your dick,' you challenged kevin.

'you bet I will.' he was confident.

'let me just look for a condom.' he was already turning away to go search in his room but you held him back by the arm.

'forget about it. I'm on the pill and I want you raw. I want you to come inside me and not spill into a stupid condom.'

the idea of this sounded very tempting to kevin. he picked you up and threw you back onto the couch, drawing your hips closer to him so he could pull off all the pieces of clothing that were hindering him from accessing your pussy.

he propped up his arms next to your sides and spread your thighs apart. strings of arousal were hanging from your folds and he saw your hole desperately clench around nothing. his dick hurt from how much he wanted to finally be inside of you. he wanted to find out how close he had been able to imagine how you would feel around him.

your hole took him in easily, welcoming him happily by embracing it tightly. kevin swore he could've cum right here and there.

he went slow at first to give you a chance to adjust but you were already fully ready, rocking your hips forward to meet his thrusts.

he crashed your mouths together and you kissed him like he was oxygen and you were short of air. you smiled and your eyes rolled back, satisfied with how things had played out today and the prospects of coming looked fairly promising.

desperate for release, kevin picked up the pace, his eyes closed while fucking into you like a horny animal. he couldn't help himself and all the 'faster's and 'harder's spilling from your mouth only encouraged him to drive himself deeper into you.

you wrapped your legs around his torso in an attempt to regain the control you were losing.

'fuck fuck fuck,' you cursed, feeling your muscles starting to contract. kevin brushed away some hair that was stuck to your sweaty forehead.

'it's fine, I'm coming too,' he announced and it took only a few more thrusts before a body shaking orgasm flushed over you, making you see only white. this drove kevin over the edge too and he spilled inside you, filling you up with his hot cum. he continued to slowly ease his dick in and out of you, fucking his semen right back into you until you had ridden out both of your orgasms. he let himself fall onto the couch right next to you, panting hard.

'I very much needed this,' you sighed in content.

'same, I wasn't sure whether I could hold out any longer without having a proper orgasm.' he watched his cum drip out of you.

'we should've thought of this sooner,' you said. 'this was a great idea.'

kevin hummed in agreement.

***

so now you and kevin were having sex on a regular basis, your high score being five times in a day. it felt good to finally live out your sexuality and not having to restrict yourself. sure, you guys did it more than necessary but it was a great way to pass time and it felt fucking amazing.

today you had done it in the shower after waking up, then on the kitchen counter and you had just finished having sex in his bed.

he was spooning you from behind, his cock still placed inside of you. he nuzzled his nose into your neck.

'stop, that tickles,' you chuckled.

'sorry.'

after a while of comfortable silence you heard him let out a big sigh.

'what's wrong?' you asked as he pulled out of you. you turned around to be able to look at him.

'I don't think I can do it like this anymore,' he confessed.

'what do you mean?' you asked. 'are you talking about us having sex?'

he nodded. your heart dropped and you started feeling dizzy. you tried to search for answers in his eyes but he avoided looking at you.

'w-why?' you stuttered, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in your eyes.

'it was amazing at first,' he started and finally raised his head to meet your gaze, 'and I went into it without much thought. I went crazy during quarantine and began fantasizing about having sex with you. then it became reality but now I understand that was probably wrong of me. I've always thought of myself as a gentleman, yet I slept with you without much thought. you see, my issue is this…'

suspense hung in the air and you were impatiently waiting for him to get to the point.

'I like you.'

you quietly gasped in surprise. you had been expecting him to say you were bad at sex and that he regretted everything but not this.

'I shouldn't be sleeping with you unless you were my girlfriend,' he finished off his ramble. you felt immensely relieved.

'do you want me to?' you asked him.

'want you to what?' kevin was confused. he had been a hundred percent sure you'd immediately jump out of the bed in disgust when he confessed.

'be your girlfriend. after all, I like you too, you moron.' you realized that you had known this for a while. you might have even been crushing on your best friend since way before the pandemic struck but it was kind of hard to track your feelings. still, you were sure you liked him too. now that he had admitted his feelings, you were able to admit yours not only to him but to yourself as well.

'wow, I didn't expect this,' kevin confessed surprised. you laughed.

'yeah, we should've realized this sooner.' he pulled you closer and kissed you. it was different than the other times. his lips moved softly against yours, in contrast to all of your rough and passionate kisses you had exchanged these past few weeks. he conveyed his emotions through the kiss.

'you're ready again?' you groaned as you felt kevin's dick harden against your upper thigh. he chuckled.

'sorry, you just turn me on so much.'

so then you did it for the fourth time. that day, you set a new record of having sex six times. you might have been happy now but still just as horny.

#kevin moon smut #kevin moon scenario #the boyz kevin smut #the boyz kevin scenario #moon hyungseo smut #moon hyungseo scenario #the boyz kevin moon smut #the boyz kevin moon scenario #the boyz hyungseo smut #the boyz hyungseo scenario #the boyz smut #the boyz scenario #kpop smut #kpop scenarios

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Nili’s Benchmark Geraskier Fic Rec List

hey yall! I officially hit 750 followers (a few days ago, I blew past the benchmark without even realizing!), which is... insane. I truly can’t believe that so many people over the last year have enjoyed my presence in this fandom enough to continue to follow my work. you guys are so great and I love you all so much, so I decided to put together a gift for you!

this is a list of my favorite geraskier fics from the fandom, which I have been putting together over the last year or so. a few of these are big in the fandom, but a lot of them are smaller pieces that I feel deserve more attention! I have provided ao3 and tumblr links where I could find them, as well as ratings and summaries. Most of these are canon!verse because I’m not personally a big fan of modern au’s, but there will be a few of those scattered throughout as well. I’ve divided the fics into two sections: oneshots and multichapter. See the list below the cut!

Being in this fandom truly has gotten me through the pandemic in a big way and I have made so many good friends while here. thank you all for validating my weird obsession with these characters and enabling me in these trying times <3

Oneshots

all that was good, all that was fair (all that was me is gone) | M | 7517 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions Of Violence | @xdandelionxbloomx

Somewhere, deep in a forest, a man drags himself from his grave by sheer power of will. He lies gasping on the forest floor and does not know who or what he is. The world is wide and wonderful, though, and there is so much to see.

Or, Jaskier is so stubborn that he literally comes back from the dead.

Another fascinating addition to the mythology of the Witcher. Jaskier’s slow rediscovery of himself is so well done here. One I’ve come back to again and again. 

As Fast As Love Can Go | T | 9628 | @bygodstillam

There are Faeries in the Wood.

That's what everyone said, at least, not that there was any solid proof. Jaskier had tried, more than once, to find some. Just a hint somewhere, of a real story, of real magic. But all anyone seemed to have was stories.

Jaskier was determined to find proof. He wasn't expecting to find a witcher in the process.

Fascinating fic with some really interesting worldbuilding, and a fresh new take on True Love’s Kiss. Also with some great art by @hehearse!

beautiful, he stirs up still things | T | 2575 | @alittlebitmaybe

“You’re not asking me to dance,” says Geralt.

Jaskier turns his palm up on his knee, offering it. “I think you’ll find I am.”

Just them dancing. This is a lovely sort of pre-relationship dynamic. So soft.

Dialogue Prompt | NR | 2932 | @reinvent-and-believe

Dialogue Prompt 48: “You make me want things I can’t have.” Wordless I-love-you 50: buying them a special treat when you go out shopping

Geralt gets Jaskier a gift, which prompts some confessions.

Even a small love | E | 22,272 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con 

“Well,” Jaskier replies distractedly. “Lots of things want to strangle you.”

“You don’t.”

It isn’t a particularly troublesome accusation, or even necessarily an accusation at all.

This is one I read early on in the fandom, and it really stuck with me. The dynamic between Jaskier and Geralt is perfect, and the misunderstandings between them feel so realistic. The non-con is not extreme, but do mind the warnings. 

For the Space of a Heartbeat | T | 2021 | @drowningbydegrees

As it turns out, falling into bed with your very best friend who you are privately very much in love with isn't nearly so nerve wracking as waking up with them the morning after.

Just sweet, morning after discussions. I love to see them talking for once.

Greensleeves | T | 10,414 | @rebrandedbard

When Geralt crosses paths with Jaskier in the spring, the world is dressed in green. Quite literally. Everyone everywhere is wearing green, and it all comes down to a song Jaskier has written that, to his mortification, has become popular throughout the Continent. It's torment, being forced to preform the song over and over again and have his heart broken anew. But who is this Lady Greensleeves the people say Jaskier is so maddeningly, heartbrokenly in love with? At the baron's wedding party, Geralt is determined to find out.

This is one of my personal faves - there’s just something about Jaskier’s feelings being put on blast while Geralt remains totally oblivious that I think is so very them. And the resolution at the end is delightful.

I Don’t Wanna Fall (If It’s Not In Love) | E | 13,902 | @writinglizards

The first time it's out of desperation. Things get rapidly out of hand from there.

OR the building of a relationship through mutual wank sessions.

I love everything Ashley writes, but this one was the first fic I read by her and it still has a warm place in my heart. I also highly recommend It’s Been A While (makes me cry every time) and Tell Me Honestly

Like a Storm, Like a Flood | T | 1065 | @valdomarx

Jaskier is leaving for the winter, and Geralt can't bear the thought of not seeing him for months.

It was soooo hard to pick only one fic by George, but this one is so soft and sweet and yearning I just had to go with it. This is really just about Geralt finally hitting a breaking point and saying enough is enough.

one flesh | E | 10,763 | WARNING: MCD 

“Well, then. I’m a ghost.” Jaskier spread his arms grandly. Geralt held his gaze for a moment, then dropped his head and laughed. Jaskier put his hands on his hips. “Do fill me in on what’s so funny.” It wasn’t funny. It was just so - ridiculous, the things Geralt’s fucked up brain would invent. This had to be the last nail in the sanity coffin, it just had to be.

Or: Jaskier is a ghost, and Geralt is a mess.

Jaskier dies and comes back as a ghost to haunt Geralt into taking care of himself. Geralt does not handle this gracefully. This fic is so sad and heartbreaking, but the ending is so sweet.

to render it transparent | E | 23,901

Geralt wakes up warm, peaceful, and utterly content, which is how he knows that something is severely wrong.

Sigh. This fic. This is a time travel fic - Geralt ends up in the future living with Jaskier on the coast, just after the mountain. It’s slow and beautiful and extremely bittersweet, all about how we choose to love people despite how much it can hurt us.

With All the Continent A Stage | M | 4745 | @greyduckgreygoose

Later, Geralt learned that the play was four hours long. Four hours long. It didn’t feel like it. Most of it passed by in a fever dream of ominous music, dance-fighting and dryads in gossamer leaves, swinging from hoops attached to the ceiling. Yennefer made an appearance, played by Priscilla in a glittering negligee. She sang a song to Geralt about putting him “Under Her Spell”, and they had a sensual dance number which was made a little strange by a sickened Jaskier (played by Jaskier) coughing loudly in the background.

(Jaskier invites Geralt to a musical production inspired by his own life.)

Jaskier basically writes Geralt a love letter in the form of a four hour long play. Geralt is an idiot about it.

Multi-Chapter Fics

A Lover’s Lament | M | 25,364 | @somedrunkpirate

So,” Jaskier begins, as casually as he can, “you are telling me, that in theory, if I were to be in love with someone — anyone — that person could well be in terrible danger?”

Of all terrible and ridiculous things that have threatened Geralt’s safety, Jaskier’d never thought that loving him might be what will get him killed.

I honestly can’t count the number of times I’ve read this fic. The monster is so interesting, and the mythos of it fits seamlessly into the world of the Witcher in my mind. Jaskier being so afraid that his feelings are going to put Geralt at risk, clearly unable to see that Geralt is going through the exact same thing. I think about the scene with them looking at each other almost daily. 

A Pair of Gloves, the Scent of Roses | M | 24,134 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence

In the bustling days before the Midsummer festival, Geralt is sent into the countryside to deal with a monster - with Jaskier once again by his side. But the bard has not forgiven him, and while he's not hiding his contempt for the Witcher, he is recalcitrant about revealing his true motives for joining him. As the hunt turns into a desperate mission to save an innocent man and the monster is not what is seems to be, Geralt learns a few new things about his old friend and decides to finally attempt to mend the rift between them...

This is one of my favorite’s in the fandom - it feels so believable, the world is so rich and the oc’s are convincing and charming. Geralt and Jaskier feel so honest here, stumbling around each other but still drawn together. Beautiful beautiful beautiful

Bearing the will of the flower | NR | 11,449 

The way Jaskier sees it, his hobby of following a witcher around was always pretty likely to get him killed.

The fact that it's happening now because the witcher in question doesn't love him, he thinks as he coughs up crumpled flowers, hardly makes a difference.

My favorite hanahaki fic in the fandom. I’m such a sucker for these, and these two idiots being so incapable of talking about their feelings really makes them prime candidates. 

Food of Love | T | 22,488 | @wallatile-qvibbler

I brought a dead princess back to life through the power of song is the kind of thing that would have got an eyebrow raise even from the stone-faced Geralt of Rivia, so it's a good thing he and Geralt will probably never see each other again.

(or: the one where Jaskier channels magic through his songs, and it almost never goes as expected.)

This is a Jaskier and Renfri centric fic, which wasn’t something I knew I wanted until I read this. Jaskier is a bard which in this AU comes with magical powers, but it feels so well integrated into the universe that I wish it was just... how the Witcher is. Renfri is so good here, and even though Jaskier and Geralt barely even interact you can feel the tension and love between them. Cannot recommend highly enough.

friends and allies of the witcher | T | 10,312 | @theamazingbard

Yennefer crawls over to her newest cellmate. They’re curled up on their side. Breathing, but only just. She’s not sure what she’s hoping for when she turns them over. Still isn’t when she sees that it is indeed Jaskier.

“Shit."

Yennefer and Jaskier each suffer in more ways than one at the hands of Nilfgaard.

Yennefer and Jaskier get capture by Nilfgaard and tossed into a cell together. Exactly what I want out of season 2 honestly. Their interactions are gold.

I’d Be the Choiceless Hope | E | 45,188 | WARNING: Rape/Non-Con | @lesdemonium

As a baby, Jaskier was visited by a fae, who gifted Jaskier's mother with Jaskier's obedience. As Jaskier grew older, the "gift" became more of a curse.

You know I’m not gonna make a rec list without listing Zoe’s Ella Enchanted au. Need I say more?

Silver and Copper | M | 56,139 | WARNING: Graphic Depictions of Violence | @kaer-cuan

Geralt is just supposed to pass through the quiet Lettenhove area. He's not anticipating being begged by its people to help save their viscount from a curse that keeps him from daylight. Lord Jaskier, they call him, and he's likely dying.

As Geralt struggles to untangle the ugly web of history that has lead to the increasingly complicated curse, he finds himself spending more and more time with the strange young viscount and wondering just what he might have been before the curse, and who he might be after. But things are not always as they seem, and as the curse tightens its grip on Jaskier, Geralt is forced to face the fear of failing yet another person whose choices were stolen from them.

Or-

Jaskier is kept from becoming a bard. Geralt finds him anyway.

This is a fic that haunts me. It’s very scary in parts, and mind the tags - there are some very heavy themes here. But it’s beautiful and touching, and Jaskier feels very true to himself even though his origin is so different.

we could be married (and then we'd be happy) | E | 50,222 | @a-kind-of-merry-war

Jaskier reached into his pocket, fingers grasping around the little box. He pulled it out with what he hoped was a romantic flourish, flipping it open to reveal the simple gold band inside. “Geralt,” he said, confidently, cooly, like this wasn’t terrifying, “Will you marry me?”

Geralt and Jaskier fake marriage proposals to get free deserts and shit but it goes tits up when Vesemir catches them in the act. Not knowing how to fess up, they go along with it for a while, which is hell because they’re both pining like mad. As I said, I don’t love modern au’s, but it’s merry so of course this one had to end up on my list.

~

And that’s it! 20 fics for you, and hopefully you can all find one or two you haven’t read before. There are a lot of people and fics that I didn’t include in this list only because I was trying to not put a million down (which I could). I highly recommend anything by @wherethewordsare, @julek, @contemplativepancakes, @witcher-and-his-bard, and @inber, as well as those linked to fics above, and I’m sure there are others I forgot to mention. Yall have truly made being in this fandom worthwhile <3

#geraskier #geraskier fic recs #geralt of rivia #geralt #jaskier #witcher #fic recs #fic rec #I'm certain i missed a lot of good ones I've read over the years but I didn't want to risk making this super fucking long anyways #if you didn't see your name listed it isn't bc I don't adore you and your fics it's because i'm stupid <333

[bts-weverse-trans]

201126 Weverse Magazine ‘BE’ Comeback Interview - Jin

Jin: “It feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream” BTS BE comeback interview 2020.11.26

Jin is calm and quiet throughout the whole interview. But while his words start out sounding like those in an everyday conversation, they soon begin to tell the story of a protagonist in the intricate drama that is BTS.

You worked on the lyrics for “Stay.” Jin: The song opens with the words, “Was it a dream?” and I came up with the theme. We used to see our fans and it was great, but now that’s something we can’t do anymore. I thought it all felt like a dream. I wanted to say, “We used to be so happy together, but now I feel like your very existence was a dream.” I came up with the intro and then talked about it with RM. He really helped me a lot.

I’m guessing you came up with the lyrics because of COVID-19. Jin: It was around two to three months ago that I wrote the lyrics for the song, when it seemed like COVID-19 wasn’t getting any better. I want to put on another concert, and, like I said, it feels like my memories of ARMY were all a dream: Ah, they always used to be there with us, and then they disappeared like a memory—was all that a dream? Will we ever meet again? Those kinds of thoughts.

It sounds like you had a hard time getting used to this new situation. Jin: Yes. That used to be a part of our life for years, so it felt like a part of my life disappeared. When we had a busy schedule to deal with, sometimes I thought maybe it would be fun to have no job, but when that work was no longer there, no matter what I did, even if I poured myself into it, it all became meaningless very quickly. I felt insecure when I had nothing to do, since I’m so used to being busy, and feeling insecure made me think more about the things I like, and what I should do to make myself happier, besides work.

Would you say that’s been incorporated into your work on BE? Just from looking at the album photos, we can see each of you expressing your own thoughts through your room designs. Jin: Mine was the jewel room. They asked me what kind of concept I wanted for my room. I thought about what I wanted to do, and I wanted to go with gems. I was imagining myself lying down with gems all around me, but V, who was the visual director, thought I was joking at first. (laughs) “You were supposed to decorate the room, what do you mean gems?” But still, that’s the image I had in mind, so we went with that concept, except it wasn’t full of gems like I imagined. But I really stand out in the picture, so I’m satisfied with the result.

Why did you choose gems? Jin: Well … I have a sort of free, do-whatever-I-want personality, and at the time, I was really intrigued by gems, so that’s what I chose. This year, with the pandemic, I had more time to think about what I want and the things I want to do, and to try some new things, like playing piano, playing games, not playing games, meeting different people. But still, I can’t tell what I really like. I don’t think I ever thought much about myself, other than the work part. The best answer I found was doing whatever I’m interested in at the moment; is being the truest to myself. I’m more of a feeler than a thinker. Some might say I should have a plan for my future, but I don’t have any. (laughs) I thought that I really just do as I please.

So what does it mean to do as you please? Jin: Like I said, I’m someone who literally lives only in the present, so I tend to forget about the past, and I don’t stress over the future. I know I won’t forget important moments or times I spent with other people, but I’ve forgotten all the bad things that happened in the past and the hard times I had, and I’m really satisfied with my life now and happy to be working hard. How can anyone feel happy over and over again from something that happened in the past, no matter how good it was? You can be happier finding 10,000 won on the ground now than earning 100 times that in the past. I think I’m living true to my feelings by living in the now rather than thinking about the future or the past.

Even though you say you do whatever you’d like, aren’t there things you still need to be careful about, being a part of BTS? Jin: There are things that should be followed as a rule, such as not crossing on a red light, for example. Because if you do, there might be an accident. So those things, I set aside as things I shouldn’t do, so I never really thought of wanting to do them.

That sounds more like self-discipline. (laughs) Jin: It’s the same as not crossing at a red light if you don’t want to get hurt. I can keep myself happy living in the present as long as I’m not doing anything I shouldn’t be doing. Some might feel a bit frustrated, but they might also be the kind of people who cross at a red light. (laughs)

The song “Dis-ease” captures each of the BTS members’ thoughts on work. Is it especially difficult for you, in particular, to separate work from your personal life? Your life is influenced by your work. Jin: To me, work makes a lot of things happen in my life. Naturally there are times I feel stressed because of work, but the work I do makes me happy and has led to some spectacular experiences. Sometimes it’s interesting, other times it might be exhausting. I think I feel an entire spectrum of emotions thanks to my work. I lead my life the way I do because of my work, so to speak.

Just as you did, the other members also expressed on BE their feelings of what they’ve been through. Other than “Stay,” what other songs did you relate to? Jin: I didn’t really think about which songs I relate to, but I can tell you which song I like the most: “Blue & Grey,” by V. I liked that song from the very first time I listened to it, so I listened to the demo over and over again.

What was the demo version like? Jin: When V first made it and gave it to me, it didn’t have the rap part yet. There were no lines for the rap but it sounded really unique. Only the instrumental was there for that part and it felt like it was time for thinking by myself. Of course, I like the full version with the rap, too, but still, I liked how there was space that made you think. It’s been a long time since I got that feeling from listening to one of the demos. The first one was “Spring Day,” and the second was “Blue & Grey.”

It sounds like you found the song right when you needed some time to think. Jin: Yes. Before our debut, I had a clear goal: to debut. I chased after that one goal. After we debuted, I was chasing after a number one hit, and after we got number one I was chasing after major awards. And after that there were a lot of other awards, like from Billboard, and performances to put on, but it wasn’t a goal in the sense that it was my goal to debut. I’m just happy to be working. Every moment is wonderful and has become like my whole life. That wasn’t how I felt when I was a trainee because I had a serious goal then. But now, my goal is to live without overthinking anything. Maybe it’s not really a goal but a kind of defense mechanism.

A defense mechanism? Jin: As you get thinking, you might somehow undermine yourself. So, as long as I don’t think too hard, I can work hard right now. Maybe that’s why I called it a defense mechanism: If I stop and think about it, I might have too many ways to put myself down.

But if you imagine someone else were to have accomplished the same things you have, wouldn’t they think they deserve to feel proud? Jin: That’s true, but I’m also one of seven members of BTS. Thinking about what I’ve done as an individual feels like a burden to me. Up until we finished working on Map of the Soul: 7, I wasn’t burdened but felt, “Okay, we all did a good job. I’m happy with this.” But after getting “Dynamite” to the top of the Billboard Top 100 and starting down this new road, I started to wonder if I deserve any of this.

But you experienced a lot of big things before. What made you think that way this time? Jin: I was waiting for the chart position to come out all day, and then right before bed, Namjoon sent a message to our group chat. That’s when I realized we were number one! I was really happy, but something felt different. Maybe it was because we couldn’t see our fans. After “Dynamite,” we got even more love from even more people, and even when I was walking down the street, people would say things like, “I’m a big fan of yours,” or, “Thank you for introducing Korea to the world.” Then I started to think, “Do I deserve all this congratulations and love? That’s not me—I’m not that kind of person.” I got over it a bit, but even until a few days ago, the pressure was so intense that I couldn’t get any work done.

How did you move away from all that pressure? Jin: I just moved on. Like with COVID-19, we all have to wait and stay put until everything gets better. And actually, after “Dynamite” made number one, we got really busy, so I was able to think less about other things and basically avoid them that way, all those questions about life. I think that’s how I endured.

If you had had the fans there with you, maybe you would have felt less pressure or worry. Maybe it makes what you’re doing now seem incomplete compared to the past. Jin: We did so much and we worked so hard, but the result doesn’t hit you the same way, does it? The—excitement, maybe?—isn’t quite there. There’s a big difference between performing for people and performing for the camera. The performance itself is hard, too, of course. I have to keep at it for months once we start. But when we perform for people, I feel alive.

Had you been able to perform “Dynamite” on stage for your fans, you probably would have felt more love and more confident taking first place. Jin: I want to look and do my best in front of the fans no matter what. It’s a lot more fun when our fans are there, right in front of us. I’m not thinking about anything else in another sense, when they’re there with us.  For people who don’t perform like we do, when they have fun, they don’t think about much else, and just focus on what they’re doing. I think we’re the same way when our fans are around. I don’t have to think about anything else, because my fans are all right in front of me. I just have fun and forget about everything else.

Hopefully you’ll feel like everything is back to normal once you can see your fans again. Jin: At first I thought I’ll probably cry tears of joy. But would I? I don’t really think so. At first I really thought I would, but now I think it might feel like going back home. It depends on who you ask, but I don’t think most people would cry just because they came back to their hometown after being away. I think that’s how I’ll feel: like I’m back where I should be.

Talking to you, it seems like the sense of being loved by your fans must be important to you, emotionally. Jin: You’re right. Getting love from the fans was my source of happiness—what can I compare this to? Like a kid who’s always showered with love by their parents, but then the parents are suddenly gone on a business trip for like, ten months. It’s kind of like that. I was always trying to make our fans smile, make them feel good, by acting cute, but now my parents have been away on their business trip for, ten months, and I’m trying to be cute over a video call. That’s what it feels like. So please, wrap up your business trip as soon as possible, and hurry up and come home so I can show you how cute I am again! And, to COVID-19: Please get lost. (laughs)

Trans © Weverse

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