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dukeofankh · 6 days

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Almost everybody has at least a *little* bit of a point.

Yeah. Even them. And being wrong about everything else doesn't actually change that. They might not know how that point should actually be interpreted, they might come to foolish or even actively harmful conclusions from that point. They might radically overstate how prevalent or important the point is. But don't fall into the trap of refusing to acknowledge things that are true just because a bad person says them.

I cannot tell you how many times I've seen someone from a group I belong to dunking on someone from some outgroup, even a very harmful outgroup, and in doing so, denying basically true things that we would absolutely agree with if we were talking about them in private.

I dunno. Maybe it bugs me for neurodivergent reasons. Maybe I'm a pedantic ass.

The other day I got into a massive fight online with a guy in a feminist group because he was squabbling with a bit of a dipshit who pointed out that men are under a lot of pressure to become financially successful, and that's why they do stupid shit like get into crypto.

And like... rather than say "yeah, men are still expected under hegemonic masculinity to be breadwinners, despite the advances of women into the workforce, the economy being in shambles and the middle class having been whittled to a toothpick at this point. We need to work as feminists to challenge that gendered expectation, and as leftists to rebuild the power of labour to allow everyone, both men and women, to have a living wage that can allow for a family and a dignified life." This other feminist guy decided instead that, since the concept of men being pressured to be economic providers was being used in a way that sounded like it was suggesting that women only want to date rich men, it was redpill propaganda and, therefore, fascist misinformation. He went with, "what are you talking about, Gen X killed the concept of corporate success as marker of personal worth, everyone agrees that being a workaholic is bad and unattractive now. The idea that you think you'll be judged for being poor is a lie spread by the right to radicalize you into hating women." He did not react well when I pointed out that he was just as wrong as the other guy was. More wrong, actually.

And like...you can build multiple arguments from the same data point. Some are well reasoned, some aren't. Someone can feel pressure and assume it's much more widespread than it is, or that it takes a much more extreme form than it really does. But if you're going to coherently argue against an idea, you have to honestly appraise the situation and figure out what grains of truth it has in it. You have to acknowledge that core root of truth and show them how it means something else.

If, instead of doing that, you just deny the true thing because the other person's argument is built on it and you want to stamp it out? Because, hey, they interpreted it wrong, it's not like they really believe something true? You act as though a fact used to support a lie is also a lie. And if you do that, and argue against the facts because their conclusions are stupid, you construct a little world where, in refusing to accept both their flawed argument AND the fact it's based on, you become more wrong than they are. And you make the deeply foolish choice of picking a fight in that world. And if it's on the internet, that little world can become pretty big. Tactically, it's about the dumbest thing you could do. It ensures that they will keep fighting you because...you're fucking obviously wrong? It radicalizes people, because suddenly the only people who will acknowledge the truth on this thing they care about are other terrible people. It makes your side look dogmatic and ignorant. And apart from all of that...it gets things completely backwards.

Your principles are what you want to use to change the world for the better. You believe them because you honestly believe that following your principles improves things, because they are based on a solid grasp of how the world works. Your beliefs follow from what is true. If you flip it so that whether something is true is based on whether it supports your beliefs...that's a bad road to go down.

#me writing stuff #positive masculinity #menslib

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tlbodine · 1 year

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How to Socialize

OK, before I dig into this, a few disclaimers:

1 - I'm not like. A psychologist or anything. Just a writer who's been part of a whole lot of online communities and has run a pretty successful one for a few years.

2 - The advice that follows is not intended to make anybody feel bad or be a condemnation or enforce standards of behavior. If you read this and don't vibe with it, cool. Keep on scrolling by.

**also, oops, this is really long because I wanted to be thorough.

OK. So with that all out of the way. I was talking with a coworker today. She's undiagnosed but suspects she's some flavor of neurodivergent, and she works over on the sales side, where she was recently hired. Part of her training involves being coached specifically in how to interface with clients -- active listening, etiquette, how to ask good questions, that sort of thing.

She said to me today, "For like 27 years everybody has always just told me I was weird and intense and off-putting but nobody ever told me what I was actually supposed to DO until literally this week. Mind blown."

And I was like, shit, you know what? You have a point.

And that got me to thinking about communities -- from online spaces to meet-ups to society at large -- and the way we try to teach people behavior.

I feel like, overwhelmingly, folks are assumed to just understand what they're supposed to do. If there are community guidelines in place, they're usually rules about what not to do. But you can follow the rules to the letter, and still come off all wrong, and then nobody will ever tell you what you're doing wrong because it's impolite or whatever, until you irritate them so much that they either blow up at you or else just straight-up start avoiding you, and neither of those are really helpful pieces of feedback.

So. In case nobody has ever actually told you, specifically and explicitly? Here are some tips on being a good community member, the kind of person that folks will generally like to be around and want to be friends with.

Show Interest in Other People

The number one most important thing you can do to be a good community member, is to show interest in your other community members. After all, you want them to respond to you when you say things, right? Well. They want the same thing for themselves.

"But I'm not interested in what they're talking about." No problem. You're interested in getting along with them, right? Cool. So this interaction isn't actually about the subject. It's about making them feel good. And, hey, you know what? If you keep an open mind, you might find that what they're saying is actually pretty interesting.

Some phrases to remember and use when people are talking about an interest of theirs:

"Oh?" (general usage prompt for more information)

"That's really interesting! How does that work?" (acknowledges their interest + prompts them to talk more)

"I heard once about [related thing]." (shows that you are engaged with the topic, and allows you to shift conversation in a direction you're more comfortable)

"I'm really interested in [thing], I feel like that might be similar in [way]." (forges common ground and allows you to shift conversation to a topic you enjoy).

So for example, let's say you're talking to someone who mentions that they're really interested in...idk...volcanos. You don't really care about volcanos. But you like this person. So instead of just saying nothing (because you don't care about the topic), or changing the subject, engage instead: "I saw that movie Dante's Peak. How realistic is that?" "What got you interested in volcanos?" "I don't know much about volcanos. My thing was always horses. What's it like being a volcano girl?"

Whatever. The point is not to learn about volcanos (although learning new things can be fun!) but to give them a chance to talk about their thing.

Give Other People a Chance to Speak

The flipside of the thing above: If you're talking to someone about their interest, don't go so overboard trying to relate to them that you don't actually let them talk. In the horse/volcano example, see how it ends with a question? The question hands the topic back to the other person. It's like playing a game of catch. Conversation is tossing a ball back and forth. If one person hogs the ball, it's no fun for the other person.

When you're talking about your interests, you'll want to pay attention to the person/people you're talking to. In general, engaged conversation partners will mirror your energy. If they're asking questions and relating what you're saying to something they know, then they are trying to carry on conversation with you. Proceed!

If you notice they are:

Responding more slowly (without saying a disclaimer like "sorry, multitasking/at work, keep typing!")

Starting to reply with single-word responses ("cool!" "Okay" "lol") or emotes

Saying the same thing over and over ("That's awesome!" three times in a row)

They are most likely trying to disengage from the conversation. It's almost certainly not that they dislike you or that you've done anything wrong. They've probably just run out of things to say, or they really want to talk about something else, and they're looking for a way to politely exit the conversation. You can provide them with a graceful out by saying something like, "Anyway, that's my thing. What have you been up to?"

(Incidentally, if you notice that people have a tendency to stop talking to you or change the subject when you're trying to converse, check that you're not inadvertently giving off those disengagement signals. Saying things like "ok" or "I know" without any further prompting or question can be perceived as a cue for the other person to stop talking).

Avoid Self-Deprecation

Sometimes, you realize that you've made a misstep, and it seems natural that your next step should be to apologize. This isn't a bad impulse! But the way you apologize makes a difference.

For example, let's say you're talking in a discord channel and realize that you've been going on for a while and nobody else is saying anything. You get self-conscious and realize, oh, maybe you're talking too much.

So perhaps you're tempted to say: "Sorry. I know I talk too much and it's annoying."

Do not do this. Because now the people in chat will feel contractually obligated to reassure you that you are not annoying.

Instead, try a joke: "Phew that was a lot! Anyway. Anybody else want a turn?"

Keeping things light-hearted alleviates the pressure that other people might feel and keeps the mood from being too awkward.

"Isn't all of this dishonest and manipulative?"

Look. Here's the thing. People who are good communicators -- folks you might hear described as charismatic -- are folks who understand these rules, and other social rules, intuitively. Most well-socialized neurotypical folks communicate this way without thinking about it or even knowing what they're doing.

For those people, conversation is usually less about exchanging specific information and more about nurturing a social bond. Remember -- it's not about volcanos. It's about making the other person feel heard and appreciated.

To stretch the example to its breaking point: What would be dishonest or manipulative is if you pretended that you loved volcanos, or lied about your experience with volcanos, or went out of your way to build a relationship with someone on a shared passion for volcanos when actually you don't really like volcanos at all and one day you won't be able to stand it anymore.

Showing polite interest for a few minutes by asking a question? Is not dishonest. That's just you signaling to them, "I don't get your thing, but I care about you as a person and talking about this seems to make you happy, so please continue."

That's all for today. I might be back later with a post about sympathy and venting and advice. But for now, I hope this was at least a little bit helpful for somebody. Good luck out there making conversation!

#communication #life skills #autism #neurodivergence #i am not a professional

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milkinthemicrowave · 3 months

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Hey, Doctor Doctor meaning

I made a song called Hey, Doctor Doctor, and it's blown up recently. Thing is, hundreds of people have left me comments confused about what the song means, so I decided to finally put the basic meaning in a text post. Here's a really good animation of the song!! So u can listen :)

youtube

Lyrics:

Hey, Doctor Doctor! Could you tell me what's wrong? I know you're very busy so I won't make this too long I got a question 'bout the rain The fog that just won't go away And something quite absurd That I just learned the other day

I asked my friend a simple question 'bout the rain But then they all went quiet and looked at me in a funny way They asked me what I meant So I described the time I spent Avoiding all the puddles Though I still got wet

They said that morning had been a sunny day I asked the folks around us and they all said the same I sat confused, in my wet socks and shoes I shrugged and said "That's right! The sky wasn't gray, it was blue!"

But doctor doctor It's been so very long Since I've last seen the sun It seems they must just all be wrong Unless it's me who's been confused Then why've my blue skies been refused? And hidden from me by my rainy days?

So... what does it mean????????????????????????

Hey, Doctor Doctor is a simple metaphor about depression. People have also interpreted it as being about the neurodivergent experience and a bunch of other things, and those fit too. But I intended it to be about depression. It's about finding out the things you're struggling with aren't just something everyone deals with. The protagonist (I'll call 'em Pot) has to actively dodge puddles to get anywhere and lives in soggy clothes. When Pot goes "man, that rain's insane right?" to their friend, the friend has no clue what they're talking about. To everyone else, it's sunny outside. They don't have to think twice about where they step. At this point, Pot looks insane to everyone else, like they're hallucinating rain. So, even though their clothes are still dripping wet, they go "yeah haha my bad. you're right, it's sunny outside". In the end, Pot goes to see Doctor Doctor about it. You know in cartoons or that one Ronald McDonald ad where the sad person has the little rain cloud over them? That's the idea. It was raining outside one day and I thought "lmao what if only I could see this, that would be insane". Then I wrote a song about it. I totally see the neurodivergent spin on it, because the part where everyone looks at Pot weird definitely accidentally came from my experiences with diagnosed autism. Sometimes my relatable comedy landed: me: "you ever wake up and your brain feels like sludge?" friend: "yeah bro, all the time"

But sometimes my relatable comedy didn't land: me: "you ever walk across the street without looking when you're having a bad day, like gambling?" friend: "...no???" me: "you don't???" friend: "no?? are you okay??" me: friend: me: "I mean I haven't done that in a long time-" (literally did it last week) Ah, the joys of being neurodivergent. Never knowing what's appropriate to say. "Horrified looks from everyone in the room". If this explanation seems too detailed, I really thought this song was a simple metaphor, so I'm REALLY trying to be clear. Most people get it, but there's still hundreds that have been taking it literally. If you read this far, I'm shocked. Nobody ever uses comments on tumblr, but I'd love it if you commented "umbrella" and let me know you read down here. Thank u immensely for reading this far. So, even though I have literally never talked about it on Tumblr before, and don't expect anyone to see this, that's what my song "Hey, Doctor Doctor" means.

#sorry for the long post #like 20 different people have tagged me in comments asking “wait why can they see the rain but their friend cant??”#and I'm like... the rain is a metaphor #there are multiple explanations for the song online and I'm like... ur SO close but not there #hey doctor doctor #milk in the microwave #neurodivergent #original song #Youtube

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wtftarot · 9 months

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PAC: The Moon

The Moon is my all-time favorite card. Representing all that is unknown, she calls us to embrace what we don't know. Accept that some things will never be explained in a way our conscious minds can grasp. The unconscious, the truths and illusions it holds. The often hazy way our intuition and instincts work. She is a mirror, reflecting back at us our longings and fears. What does The Moon have to tell you? Let's fuck around and find out!

as always this reading is for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any capacity. Remember, use common sense, and don't be a dumbass.

Pick either the Dog, the Crab/Lobster? or the Wolf and head on to your reading.

The Dog

Your cards: 8 Cups Rx, Temperance Rx, 5 Wands Rx, 9 Wands, Page of Pentacles Rx, The Star, The Emperor Rx, Queen of Swords, The Moon, and the back of the deck is The Devil Rx.

The number 8 might be important to y'all. Are y'all like REALLY self-controlled? Self-contained, I'm hearing? What I think that means is y'all do your best to keep yourself, the true YOU, restrained for whatever reason. I'm getting that some of y'all may be neurodivergent. Hold on, Rainbow in the Dark by Dio started playing, so not to be too on the nose but some of y'all are LGBT+. Whether one or both of those are you or not, this whole group has a MAJOR issue expressing themselves authentically. With Temperance in reverse it's like you intentionally make yourself 'unbalanced' in a way, to avoid conflict big or small. And there's this vibe of "when x situation is over, I'll be the real me." In some situations, that could be true. Leaving controlling parents when you go to college for example. But, if you came to this group, I don't think that's your situation. At least not entirely. Holy fuck, a dove just flew by my window and scared the shit out of me. So, doves may be a sign for y'all. Anyway. It looks like, if you came to this group. You have restrained yourself to the point of atrophy. You've been held back. Held yourself back from being You, that you're not even sure who that is. You think that once this situation exits your life, you'll just suddenly be that person. That person you want to be and feel you are deep down. The person you've always imagined yourself to be. Thing is sweetheart, who you are isn't just a jacket you can put on when you feel the time is right. You're not just a switch you can flick and become yourself. You have to grow who you are/ want to be. You have to build yourself up. Even Dr. Frakenstein had to build the creature before he could hit the switch and scream 'It's ALIVE!" (Not that I'm saying you're a creature or anything. unless you want to be, you do you.) Actually, that may be a better analogy than I thought. You have to dig up the parts of you that you buried, hopefully not in a graveyard. Put them together, see what still fits, see what doesn't. You may need to find some new parts where the old ones don't fit anymore. You build yourself by trying out the things you think you'll be into, and experimenting like a mad scientist. Try new things out, keep what works, scrap what doesn't. I'm not seeing anything about it being dangerous for you to try to be fully you. More so there's a fear of what others will think. ( I don't know every situation though, keep yourself safe) Y'all may have always just been what was expected of you, never really thinking if it was something you genuinely wanted. I think the reason why Frankenstein came up so strongly is that y'all feel like this horrible, awkward, ugly thing when you do something new to you. Y'all may not start something if you think you'll be bad at it. Y'all could be incredibly critical of yourselves. Not gonna lie to ya babe. You will be bad at some things. You will try things you thought you would love and end up hating them. You'll love things you'd thought you would hate. You will be wrong and sometimes that's a good thing. Winning is no fun if you don't lose too. The losing is what makes the winning worth it. And honey, you have an amazing opportunity here: You get to discover who YOU really are. You're going to get to learn so much shit about yourself and it's going to be beautiful. The Moon is telling you all of this, all of that hidden beauty you're unaware of is going to come to light. So, let yourself go a lil wild. And I don't mean the stereotypical wild that you see everywhere. I mean wild FOR YOU. It's okay if wild experimentation for you is joining a book club. Hell, if the stereotypical wild is your normal, maybe spending some time with yourself is experimental. Listen to music you never thought you'd be into. Wear something that's a little 'too much'. It's all okay. You can stop cutting yourself down to whatever size you feel you 'should' be. I believe in y'all.

The Crab/Lobster

Your cards are: 4 Wands, 4 Swords, Judgement, 2 Pentacles Rx, 5 Pentacles, and on the bottom of the deck the 2 of Swords.

Sweetheart, this one may be a little intense, okay? First off y'all need a nap or at least a break. You're overworked and the thing is y'all are comfortable being overworked. And now you're like 'Ash, this ain't comfortable at all wtf'. Let me explain. Humans are extremely adaptable, we can get used to pretty much anything. Downside of that is when you get too used to something, it becomes familiar, safe, and yes even comfortable. We've all seen it, we've all done it. There's no shame in being human. However, just because you shouldn't feel ashamed of it doesn't mean you shouldn't try and fix it. Cause all of y'all are in a situation like this. Maybe it's not work-related, could be school or a relationship. Could just be a cycle or pattern that you keep repeating and can't figure out why. Now I want to be clear here. I am not saying whatever this is, is your fault. Some situations we're responsible for, and some we get pushed into. Some cycles are generations in the making, and some are our own shitty habits. That's life. This reading is to shift your attention to these patterns so we can break them and do better. I feel like y'all may have an inkling about what this pattern is. I think it's been coming into your awareness over the past few weeks or months. All of y'all are different and will have different cycles to break. So, I can't get any specifics. You're in a sort of awakening moment it seems. (Funny cause the first thing I said was that y'all need a nap) This cycle is going to become painful in a way. You're outgrowing it. It's going to become clear how harmful this has been for you. There's going to be a bit of grieving happening as you realize this. The kind of grief that comes with the knowledge of all the ways you've held yourself down, hurt yourself, and held yourself back. The grief of knowing you deserved better. You'll need to let yourself grieve but not get lost in it. Because while that's important, it's the next bit that's going to get you the farthest. You get to break the pattern. Unlearn the cycles. You get to move into a new part of your life that's not familiar but that's fun. Enjoyable and not just comfortable but decadent. It'll be hard at first to break the pattern. (that's why you need to rest now, not later) Our brains are wired for repetition but soon breaking the pattern will be the pattern. I'm so, so proud of y'all, group two. It's going to be beautiful where y'all go from here.

The Wolf

your cards are: 6 Cups Rx, 8 Swords, 5 Swords, The Moon Rx, The High Priestess, 7 Wands and the back of the deck is The Queen of Wands

How are my fighters doing? Cause y'all pulling the cards for this one was ROUGH. Usually, that means the reading is something you don't wanna hear or you already know and are fighting off. What's interesting is the whole time I was shuffling I knew the High Priestess was going to come out for y'all and she kept peeking out and hiding again. Cards kept flying out all over the place, I'm talking a shit ton would fall out at once I'd put them back and it would happen again. But The High Priestess didn't come out at all until I was finally able to pull an actual reading. What it felt like was that y'all have all these ideas of how this reading will go, ideas of what you need to hear, what you expect to get. You're actually drowning out your actual intuition. You may also have daydreams or fantasies about how your intuition will work, and what you'll see. I think you may be so deep in these daydreams at times that you're disconnected from your surroundings and even when you are getting something psychically, it can't get through to you. For some of you, it's not daydreaming as much as overthinking. Either way, y'all are a bit in your own head and it's distracting you from your intuitive gifts. Which of course is going to make you doubt them even more. Babe, I'm sorry if this is a little harsh. You just seem to be beating yourself up a bit for not being as good as you think you should be. I'm hearing these sort of self-criticisms about how you should be a 'better' intuitive? That you're not a 'real' intuitive, not a 'real' tarot reader, not a 'real' psychic, not a 'real' whatever because oh you should be able to do this or that and you can't so it's not real. Or you don't have intuitive hits daily so you're faking it all. Or you're not clairvoyant/clairaudient/clairsentient soo you'll never be a real psychic. Ya wanna know what that is? That's just a bunch of bullshit, right there. Let me tell y'all a lil something. First off EVERYONE is psychic/intuitive to some degree. Even if they only can remember having one intuitive hit and that's it. Now, not everyone has the same gifts, or psychic skills if you will. Not every psychic/intuitive will talk to the dead. Not all of us will be clairvoyant. Some psychics are clairvoyant but can't read tarot to save their life. Some people have multiple gifts, others have one. Some gifts are random but are not any less for it. For example, my sister knows when something we've been looking for is at a thrift store, she knows which one and where in the store it is and will walk right to it. It's awesome. Being 'more psychic' ain't all it's made out to be anyway. Believe me, it can be wonderful but it's also rough. I know a few really 'strong' psychics who have intentionally cut themselves off from their gifts because of things they've experienced. I myself have come close. All of that to say, you are a 'real' intuitive. Promise. You don't have to push yourself into something you're not sure about to be more 'legit'. You don't have to have all the skills, all the gifts, to be proud of what you can do. What you do have to do is stop fantasizing about it and actually BE it. Stop worrying about all you can't do and really hone what you CAN. We all have different gifts because the world needs all different things. Your gifts are yours for a reason, because you, specifically can add something to the world with it. Now, there's another message here maybe just for one person: It's your choice to embrace these gifts or not. If you do not feel comfortable with them you can let them go, it's okay. You're not ungrateful or doomed if you don't utilize them. Like I said, these sorts of gifts can be rough, and downright horrifying. It's okay to want something easier. And yes, you will be able to lead a fulfilling life without them.

#tarot reading #tarot #divination #tarot community #tarot cards #the moon #wtftarot #tarot readings #pac #pac reading #tarotblr #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a photo #pick a pile

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cancerstanople · 2 years

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We need to talk about the gaslighting that comes with growing up marginalized.

For as long as I've been able to communicate my lived experiences in words, I've had those experiences minimized, disregarded, contested. Because I perceive the world differently than those around me, my view of the world isn't treated as real.

As a result, Im unable to trust my own instincts. Whenever I share something about myself, someone has always talked over me, tried to tell me otherwise, as if they have the authority to override my memories. And because of that, I no longer recognize myself as the one in control.

I first noticed this in regards to my neurodivergence, when I saw how other people read social cues compared to how I viewed them. Allistic people are constantly fighting me about what I mean behind what I say, because they don't think literally about other people. I'm constantly fighting neurotypicals, trying to make them understand that I'm real.

Then I noticed it when I talk to white people about race. I've yet to have a conversation with a white person about race without them getting defensive, protective over what's not even theirs. How badly they want to use AAVE, steal from black creatives, let them into BIPOC spaces without them budging an inch. They insist that they're not racist, no matter the circumstance. The White Lives Matter crowd imply that the motive of BLM and modern civil rights movements is not liberation or even equality, but malice and superiority. Constantly fighting me about something they don't know a damn thing about, and me constantly having to remind them I am real.

With men, and how they feign incompetence so women will do something for them. How they take up everyone else's space, without regard for anyone else's discomfort. How quickly they point blame at victims of rape and assault.

With cis people, their insistence that trans people only exist to hurt others. That we're predators, or we're prey of a mass brainwashing conspiracy, that we're confused, that we don't understand reality. The underlying theme of it all being that the way we experience the world cannot be it.

It's gaslighting. It's people telling you you're crazy, you're wrong, you're lying, you're misremembering. It's gaslighting for years and years by everyone around you, until you don't know who to trust anymore, not even yourself.

If you're cis, straight, white, a man, neurotypical, or any other of the "default settings," how quickly did you start telling yourself "I'm not like that. Not everyone like me is like that." Of course, I must clarify that not every man is an evil lying bastard and not every white person is a Nazi, but the fact that I feel I have to clarify this. The fact that it's so commonplace for people to respond to ideas that cause any sort of discomfort with anger, hostility in the hopes of absolving themselves of guilt. It's telling.

How much longer do we have to keep fighting? How much longer do we have to prove to the world that we exist, that we're real, that our lives are not lies we made up or hallucinations all in our heads? Because I've been fighting for at least since I've started speaking, and the odds have been stacked against me for centuries before I was born.

I'm tired. I just want to be real.

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gentle-voluptuary · 1 month

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Just read that amazing post of yours. Thank you for that. As someone who has only dipped their toes into the dangerous waters of "coming out" about feedism irl, and who is very aware of the pathologization of kink in general, I have a question...

pathologization in the sense of saying "those kinksters are mentally ill and what they're doing it sick and wrong!" is obviously problematic. But how do we stop internally pathologizing ourselves? Like, to me it's pretty obvious that my fat fetish comes from being obese as a kid and getting bullied about it. Insert long explanation of how I'm SURE that's where it comes from. How did I stop thinking "this is just a shameful result of my trauma that I can't shake", start accepting it as something that's part of myself (even when I'm not horny)? How do I share it with a partner without fear of them judging me and just deep diving into what's wrong with me mentally, when I just wanna be able to have fun with a kink that's turned out to be my main thing after a few decades of checking in?

Thank you for the kind words and, more importantly, thank you for bringing such a sensitive and intimate question to a stranger - I hope I can do it justice.

Firstly, I just want to say how much I resonate with your question even if our lived experiences behind it are different. In a previous relationship, I was with someone who really didn't have a lot of space for complex conversations that involved shame, particularly as it related to sex. I saw very quickly I could never "come out" to them (as a feedist, or really as queer) and so I bottled put hose parts of myself until they hurt, a lot.

I ended up going to a therapist who I thought would help "fix" the parts of me - like my kinks - that were holding me back from relating to that partner in a deeper way. What we realized was that, while I had tremendous shame around my sexuality (and occasionally still do), I also was with someone who didn't have the capacity to hold both the beauty and the complexities of my sexuality (and especially my kinks) at the same time. I actually feel so grateful that I never came out in that relationship, because I think the blowback would have made me even more traumatized than I already was.

This is the first part of my answer to my question: part of "coming out" in a safe way is being around people who you can genuinely trust and have care and space for complex emotions. I used to operate on the assumption that it was entirely up to me to navigate the coming out process, but since then I see it much more contextually. Obviously the danger thresholds are different, but if you think analogously about coming out as queer: there are places where that is more or less safe for them, no matter how internally healed a person may be. Keeping a clear eye on who and where we are is a big part of the process, and, if you can find the right person or people, you can build comfort in smaller ways (e.g., maybe you just tell someone you're kinky without giving any details) with safe people, and that helps you build the muscle you want to use later.

The second part of my answer is the both the more optimistic part, but also the harder one:

How do we stop pathologizing ourselves? We act gently towards ourselves. It's really (sadly), that simple.

To be more specific, though, I think gentleness is key here because we're dealing with such multi-layered complexity:

Speaking for myself, I have worked hard to acknowledge that all of my kinks are inextricably (though not entirely) linked to traumatic experiences. I am very neurodivergent and have spent my entire life trying to mask and hide who I am to others; is it any wonder that I sexualize the experience of others who unapologetically take up physical, intellectual, and social space? I don't think so. I read my feedist tendencies through a multi-faceted lens: eroticizing the act of unbridled hedonism and personal space-taking since I lacked so much of that in my own early life; eroticizing the physical sensations of fat in a higher-than-typical way since I lack that on my own body; eroticizing the transformation of weight gain as I look on with admiration, and occasional envy, for the transformations of others' genders or personas in public and in private.

My kinks are significantly wedded to those traumas, but I don't think that makes them any less beautiful.

It sounds bizarre, but I think we need to fall in love with our trauma responses in order to access the gentleness to then navigate them in the real world in safe, consensual, and compassionate ways. This doesn't mean we abandon our self preservation and expect others to immediate accept them or us, or that we allow ourselves to let the response dominate how we show up in the world. It simply means we express gratitude to ourselves (and, if you practice parts-related therapeutic modalities, to our younger self) for creating a system that helps protect us. That's all a trauma response is. We never have to be angry at that intention, we just need to decide how much (if at all) we want the behaviours associated with that response to show up and where.

To summarize that, I think you could explore the following, with the caveat that this can be very hard stuff, so, go slowly and gently and notice anytime you feel an internal 'ouch' at a hard question. This is like walking after taking off a caste: slow is fast.

Take time to feel through where and how your traumas inform this (and any other) kink for you (I'm a big fan of journaling for this)

If you have the resources and capacity, find a sex-positive therapist (specifically look for that language) who you can broach the topic with and get professional guidance - I'd specifically ask, via email since it's low-risk, if they are sex-positive, trauma-informed, and believe in fat liberation / social justice around bodies.

Identify ways in which this trauma response (i.e., feedist attraction) has saved you or served you. Has it helped you navigate difficult decisions? Has it helped you stay away from another coping mechanism (drugs, alcohol, self-harm) that might have more adverse consequences for you?

Identify the components of the way in which you feel this desire that cause distress for you. Really try to feel where your distress comes from internally (e.g., do you feel physical discomfort after a stuffing, do you worry that your desires could hurt someone else if fully acted out?) and where distress relates to others' perceptions of you. Try to separate them out (again, I recommend journaling) and see if there are adjustments you could make to mitigate that distress.

Look for ways that your kink can contribute something to the world. I have personally found that feedism, properly expressed, has helped partners shake off some of their own deep traumas related to fatphobic experiences. One time a partner went on a scale in front of me and wept as I came up behind them to nuzzle them as we looked at the numbers; it was the first time in their lives that they'd ever been on a scale that hadn't immediately evoked negative emotions. As I wrote in my essay and I hope to explore more, I think any kink offers opportunities for healing, when it's done right - ask yourself what your kink can do for you and others, and what you'd need in place, personally and in a partner, to do that?

Lastly, and I think you're already doing this since you're here, but try to build community. One partner of mine remarked once that feedism was "the most solitary kink" that she'd ever encountered. Because of the intensity of fat phobia, I think a lot of feedists (myself included) adopt a kind of bunker mentality. We fear not only society at large will hate us, but the very people we are attracted to. That does things to you. I am still learning to recover from hyper vigilance with non-feedist fat partners who I am still not entirely convinced won't turn on me when the fully understand what turns me on, even if those things live purely in the world of fantasy. We need to create space for love and care for one another, and for ourselves, and I think that starts with raising conversations like you have here. :)

Thank you so much for the question, I hope this helps.

#feedist thoughts #meta kink #minorsdni #fat liber #feedistblog #feedist blog #trauma #long post

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tiramisuwithmascarpone · 3 days

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Hello! I'm a 15-year-old devotee of both Lord Hermes and Lady Aphrodite who is raised in an extremely Orthodox Christian household, and I would like to share my story with you ⋆˚ʚɞ

Hi! for safety reasons I will not use the name I usually use online for this account, but you can call me Jellyfish. I live in Eastern Europe, more exactly Romania, a country whose population is 98% devoted to Christianity at the time of speaking. My mother is a perfect example. She wholeheartedly believes in God, I grew up with pictures of him and the Holy Mary all over the walls, which I wouldn't escape even at my grandparent's houses. My house always smelled of myrrh, I would carry a picture of God everywhere I went, I would pray to him before bed, go to church on every holiday, but I never felt fulfilled or connected to him in any way. I didn't truly know what I believed in. My mother was telling me all about how should I praise God, but I don't think I ever did it because I wanted to or felt connected to what she was telling me or felt like it was the life I wanted to live. When she would fight with my father, even now, she would threaten that she would run away to a monastery and become a nun. She thinks you cannot change your religion and you can not be Christian if you were born with Christian parents and raised in that environment. I did not have faith in God because I wanted to and felt connected to his message and wanted to worship his divine being, I did it because my mother felt that way. And that destroyed me.

As I grew older, I started believing less and less in God. I was struggling with going through teenagehood, fighting my own inner battles, and dealing with friendship that slowly felt like they were taking away my lifespan, and it wasn't just that I didn't have faith in a divine being (which is completely alright. Please do not believe this monologue is Anti-Christian, I believe everyone is allowed to believe and worship the one who they feel most connected and inclined towards.) I didn't have faith in anything anymore. When my brother reached 15, he hated my parents for their beliefs. I will not get much I detail since his story is not mine to tell, but he had battled with alcohol and substance abuse. And I was his only shoulder for him and my parents to lean and cry on. My mother told me to pray for our family, she would pray to god every day, light up myrrh, take me to churches, and I would feel miserable. I felt like an imposter in that church. I truly wanted to have faith in a god, anyone, but I felt like my only choice was God since that's what my mother taught me. Both my parents trust God so I cannot be different, can I?

How foolish I was. I can only look back to my past self and wish to embrace and hold her till she cries all her sorrow out. She was so confused.

Back in 2022, I had first heard of Aphrodite. My brother was sent to a mental hospital for his substance abuse when they caught him on the verge of overdosing. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder after a suicide attempt, autism and ADHD, but my father (who already couldn't accept the fact that my brother has ADHD) fought with them saying they ,,don't know me well enough" and,,there's nothing wrong with me". And he's right, there's nothing wrong with me. Not even If I am neurodivergent. I was at my lowest, I felt disgusting, I fought with my parents and was their therapist every single day, I stopped going to school, I was a mess. But, I was heavily active on social media because I had tons of online friends. While scrolling on tiktok, I found a video of an Aphrodite devotee. My interest was piqued. I heard about Greek Mythology before but never actually researched it. I liked the video and commented, talking about how gorgeous their faith sounds, and that's when it all started. I started getting more info about Aphrodite, the swans swum by me every time I would go to the lake with my family so we could ,,get some fresh air". I started getting lots of pins on Pinterest with her. I always had a desire for water and the beach was my safe place, where I felt fulfilled and free from all I'm feeling. I had a Dove make itself a nest on a tree next to the window of my classroom which I would always sit by while having lunch (on the rare occasions I would drop by to school). I started researching more about Lady Aphrodite, loving her story, beliefs, ways of worshipping, how it felt like silence was washing over me when I would make a non-physical offering to her. Her tales. The way it felt like she was always there to give me a warm hug and squeeze me while I was crying. I also felt a boost in my confidence! I started loving my features, taking care of myself again, etc. It wasn't always just sun and rainbows, I would still have breakdowns and wish it would all just end and all that, but it was more bearable with her. She made my life more bearable. I love, worship, and adore Lady Aphrodite for that. I worshipped her till this year when I officially felt strong enough to devote myself to her.

This year, actually, I started noticing my strong connection to Hermes. I was always attracted to the kind-hearted, mischievous, kind-hearted, highly intelligent and funny thieves. I always idolized them and wished to be like them. That's how I feel about Lord Hermes. I feel like he was reaching out to me all my life. Everything he is associated with I had an inexplicable obsession with for pretty much all my life. Turtles, golden or silver, travel, learning new languages, astronomy, astrology, everything you could think of. I have been devoted to him since last month, that's when I officially started labeling myself as a Hellenic Pagan, but I am still a beginner, and I need to hide all of this from my mother since I am afraid of what she would do if she were to find out I have another belief since she reacted super badly back when I was an atheist :( I set up the first altar for Lady Aphrodite, and the second one for Lord Hermes. I always had been an artistic soul and loved making my room all pretty randomly so I told my mother this is one of those cases and she believed it. She does not know english and is not at all cultured about any beliefs besides Christians, Muslims, and Jews. They are both hidden in my closet. I feel very bad for not being able to make them a bigger and more obvious altar, I hope I'll have that chance when I move out from my parent's house..

I wanted to ask if Lord Hermes would be mad if my mom kept setting random things on his altar? she even put a picture of the Holy Mary. I moved it to the other side of the closet and made a DIY necklace for him out of orange garnet or beads to apologize to him, and he didn't seem mad, but I'm not sure...I sketched drawings of both of them and rested them on their altars. Everything you see are either offerings I heard they may like or things that reminded me of them! the little notebook on Hermes's altar is specifically made for learning new languages and thought he would enjoy it. Do you guys think any of my offerings are disrespectful? or should be removed? I'm open to any advice! Thank you for listening to my story <3

#aphrodite #aphrodite devotee #hermes devotee #hellenic pagan #hellenic #pagan #newbie

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dappydaffer · 2 months

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i am asking you about your special interests. rant about all of them to me if you wish. go off my friend :)

Holy shit, you are now my new favorite person-

A lot of my special interests right now mainly center around Will Wood, ROTTMNT, and human behavior as a whole.

With Will Wood's music, whether he intends it to be or not, is just so profound and well made and really makes me happy. The symbolism, the seemingly needless, lengthy words, and the themes he explores overall are just ground-breaking to me and I could analyze his stuff for days on end with a burning passion. And the way his music (both old and new) sounds?? LIKE WHAT??

I swear, no two songs of his sound the same, and I mean it in the best way possible. The pacing, the instrumental choice, really everything just feels uniquely respective to its own song and I am drooling over it.

Will Wood is easily one of the best musicians I have ever had the pleasure of discovering. When I found his stuff, I hadn't had a musical hyperfixation in actual years, but boy did listening to the normal album change that.

Like I said, the lyrics, the sounds of the music, and (what I believe is) the continued theme of normalcy while each song still tells its own theme/story?? It's just perfection to me, really-

As for ROTTMNT? Don't even get me started!

The animation is lively, colorful, and has a delightful, anime-ish style to it that just makes the whole show eye candy to me. The boxy(?) movement in certain scenes, the shading (especially in the movie), and the character designs?? Omg the character designs-

I love how Rise broke what I feel was the "copy-and-paste" style of design for the turtles, unlike the previous series (I'm not saying other TMNT shows were bad, but good lord the designs (looking at you, 2012) were...awful-). Each design feels respective to its own character and the diversity in appearance really helps the turtle's personalities, fighting style, and expression shine through.

And the turtles themselves? I simply just adore what the show did with their personalities and how they gave them more depth and really humanized them. Especially with Raph and Donnie. Especially Raph and Donnie.

Raph always came off as just "the angry one," and there was seemingly no reason for why and there was nothing else to him, when I tried getting into older series, and at times, it made me dislike him as a character. But in Rise? They made him into a gentle giant with different likes, dislikes, interests, strength, weaknesses, and gave him reason to be angry in certain scenarios, rather than feeding us the usual "pissed off all the time" Raph. In Rise, he just comes off as a reasonably tired, realistic older brother that cares about his family and just wants the best for everyone, even if there are times he comes off in the wrong way.

And I could go off about Donnie for days

But to keep it as short as I can; Donnie is to die for in Rise. He is more than just the "tech guy." He is shown to indulge in different interests and hobbies, he has vulnerable moments, he's sarcastically witty and deadpan, just everything I could want in a character like him.

And the way they handled autistic representation with Donnie?

*chef's kiss* 11/10 👌

He comes off a realistic, neurodivergent person that isn't weakened by his condition, and is instead just accepted as he is and plays a vital role to the brother's chemistry, unlike in most shows where the autistic character feels like an inconvenience, a man-child, an un-empathetic asshole, and/or too indulged in their hyperfixation to be useful, or that's all there is to them as a person.

Rise just got so many things right and I adore the show for it!

And lastly; with human behavior? It's certainly not as strong as the last two fixations, but I still find it rather interesting.

Everything we have been taught since birth feels black and white, especially with people's intentions and emotions. But, I don't think that's the case at all (in 95% of cases). People each have their own thoughts, feelings, and reasonings for why they do x, y, z, and I may not know everything about it, but Jesus Christ, it intrigues me so much.

Thank you so much for asking about my special interests =)

I apologize it took a while to answer, I've been busy with school, my job, and trying to finish the first part of the Black Box Warrior analysis (which I should hopefully have posted in the next day or two-)

#will wood #will wood and the tapeworms #the normal album #wwattw #dappy rants #my special interest #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #human behaviour #sociology #answering asks

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autisticgirliesbracket · 1 year

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What makes Peridot from Steven Universe the autistic girlie ever of all time? Here's what the people have to say:

Peridot-related asks/reblogs: x This post will be updated after each round!

Image ID in alt text and under the readmore.

[Image ID. White slide with a screenshot of Peridot in the bottom right corner, she is smiling and wearing her red bowtie. She is surrounded by text boxes which read,

"She doesn't get social cues. Like, at all. She takes things too literally and she's very blunt herself. When she tries to joke, she can come off as rude or insulting, cause again, doesn't get social cues. She's a little nerd who loves disassembling and making stuff. Also she's my blorbo and I have autism so therefore so does she, hope this helps <3"

"literally everything abt her. she stims she has sensory overloads she has a special interest in tech she doesn’t understand social cues"

"I'm going to start this off by saying that the creator of the show pretty much confirmed all of the gems are neurodivergent, since they're aliens and don't think and act like humans. Peridot is who I'm nominating since I believe she's one of the most relatable gems to a lot of autistic people (including myself) Okay, so she's pretty bad with communicating with others, especially early on in the series. When trying to apologize to Amethyst, she records herself with her voice recorder (which is also shown to be a big comfort to her) and plays that recording for Amethyst instead of speaking directly to her She is extremely literal, not understanding human phrases and jokes (ex: Steven: Oh peridot, you're killing me! Peridot: I am not! That would violate our truce agreement!) She says things and doesn't understand why those things were upsetting for other characters, such as when she was pointing out how Amethyst is smaller than she's supposed to be. She found this funny and thought Amethyst would too, but Amethyst was upset since she's insecure about being "wrong", and Peridot didn't realize what she said was upsetting to Amethyst She makes up words and phrases for things so they make sense to her (ex: calling fingers "touch-stumps") She repeats the word "clod" a lot, possibly as a stim She gets a tablet later on in the series and is very excited since it reminds her of her old tech. She attaches it to her arm with a velcro strap, and spends a lot of the episode on the tablet. I believe technology is one of her special interests, and the tablet is a comfort item. In that episode Amethyst takes the tablet and tries to throw it in the ocean, causing Peridot to get very upset, yell "It's all that I am!", and activate her new metal powers (she's able to levitate metal, allowing her to save her tablet) She may also have a special interest in a show called "Camp Pining Hearts", as she's shown spending a large amount of time watching it by herself and with Lapis Lazuli. In Steven Universe Future, there's a remake of the show and she is very excited to watch it with Steven, but she doesn't like it. They spend the episode trying to change it to be better with Steven's dream powers, until Peridot realizes it's stressing out Steven and making him afraid of her leaving if he can't make it right I'm positive I'm missing things, but I think this is long enough already lol"

"Trouble socializing, doesn't understand why jokes are funny outside literal terms, stims vocally and physically, gets really obsessed with Camp Pining Hearts. Has trouble understanding emotions. Relied on accommodations to function and has comfort objects like tablets and an alien plushy."

"*tells joke* *person doesn’t laugh* “that was the incorrect response” "

"She's very literal, all the time, even for a gem (and not all gems are literal anyways). Uses her pre recorded voice as a way to get her more complicated thoughts out, so it's like an ACD. She mimics behaviours. She has echolalia with one word especially. Very strange humour. She's upset by other gems' unpredictability, and doesn't understand hoe what she says can hurt the other crystal gems. She has meltdowns that others call temper tantrums. She makes up a word system that makes sense to her, in order to help with her communication issues."

"Vocal stimming, talks very literally, can’t tell when others are upset, people pleaser, emotional regulation problems"

"She just is" End ID.]

#autistic girlies bracket #autistic girlie masterpost #peridot #steven universe

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fuckmeyer · 1 year

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something i've been thinking about a lot (besides how unhinged i am for picking apart the Twilight saga again) is the ineffective use of words in Eclipse.

take a look at this honking nugget of text

don't me wrong. i appreciate that it 1) illustrates Bella doing normal stuff, 2) gives us an intimate peek into her personality (stubbornly arranging fridge magnets? questioning one's neurodivergency? cool!), 3) throws in a bit of Bella-style humor, 4) talks about magnets, & 5) gives us a metaphor, however redundant

what i dislike is:

the redundant metaphor. look, i'm a sucker for metaphors (however redundant), but at this point we're a few chapters into Eclipse. Bella's narration and concrete examples tell us Jacob & Edward cannot coexist. the metaphor is as redundant as my mentioning my love of metaphors, redundant or otherwise.

the technicality of the writing. i.e., the hulking parenthetical between the em dashes. "round black utilitarian pieces that were my favorites bec—" that alone takes FORTY-TWO WORDS. nearly 20% of a 226-word metaphor for Jacob & Edward describes fucking magnets. i love magnets too, but damn, girl. stop

the emptiness of the text. 226 words, who cares, right? fluff is part of the saga's charm. yes. but! it's now book 3. we're knee deep in a thematic discussion about humanity & juggling several sideplots. for every 226 words we spend watching Bella push magnets together, we have 226 fewer words to spend developing relationships with Bella's vamp fam or her wolfpack pals. that's 226 words we won't spend fleshing out plots, tying up conflict from New Moon, or setting up Breaking Dawn. are the 226 words useless? no. but do we not already have a sense of the conflict & what's at stake here? can't we be fluffy and economical?

if this was a one-time deal, i would say yes, bring on the fucking magnets (& metaphors). but superfluous text is not an anomaly

this ends chapter 11. instead of hooking the reader to turn the page, Bella tells us which words we're meant to notice, her reaction, then dismisses said reaction.

the broader issue: despite the cool lil rabbit holes to explore in Eclipse, Bella insists on holding our hand for all of them. explaining (& dismissing?) every observation limits our scope & makes the book unsatisfying. Bella can (should!) notice lil details, but making readers draw their own conclusions gives them the freedom to explore the book in new ways & gives Bella the freedom to show us more story

but this worsens as the book continues. don't even get me started on the ~4,250 words smeyer takes to appropriate the history of a real tribe. it is meant to add lore to shapeshifting & give Bella an idea for saving Edward later on in the novel. in doing so it perpetuates racist tropes & stereotypes about certain American tribes.

point is, these words add up. the fluff becomes cloying for how much remains unresolved. it gives us too few opportunities to explore & draw our own conclusions. the overall message becomes muddled because there's too much nothing being said. anything of importance that is being said is repeated over & over.

this ineffective use of writing makes me feel like we're desperately clinging to the "normal yet ✨️supernatural✨️" vibes of Twilight while refusing to acknowledge that this series has become bigger than a simple "girl meets vampire, love ensues" pseudo-fairytale.

that is (one of) my problem(s) with Eclipse.

#twilight #twilight renaissance #the twilight saga #twilight eclipse #bella swan #edward cullen #jacob black #eclipse read

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berf-a-smurf · 13 days

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A letter to my therapist (that I probably won't send/read to them)

It's weird how in the mental field, others help you how they want to help and not how you ask to be helped. I know the "person in a wheelchair" simile is cliche but like... everyone's at least seen someone in a wheelchair (and mental problems aren't visual like that).

So like imagine someone struggling to get up a ramp. Maybe the bottom is buckled and they don't have the strength to roll over the bump. If someone else were to ask them "hey, how can I help?" they could say "oh, just nudge me over the bump and I can push myself the rest of the way" and they'd be believed because they have presumably lived with the wheelchair for several years and know how to prescribe a solution.

It's not like the other goes "hmm actually I know a better way; leave your chair here, put your arm over my shoulders, and we'll go up the stairs."

So why is it, after living with my brain for 26 years, and given what I need to research and consider Autism for 13 of those years, that people keep telling me to take the fucking stairs?! Please just listen to me when I tell you that I need a different type of help. Please!! I mean, literally speaking, I am able bodied and can do stairs, but using the metaphor, I know my brain better than you so if I prescribe a solution please trust that I know what I'm trying to get at more than your "hmm actually I don't think it works that way."

DBT has been helping my confidence, don't get me wrong. There's still a lot I'm getting from the program. But I keep hitting these little bumps in my day-to-day that I need different help with. Suicidality keeps coming back because I'm so fundamentally different from others. All of these little things keep adding up and make me feel flawed and mostly hopeless. But it's so normal to me that I don't catch it in the moment as something to write down nor log in memory for later. I need to pay someone to shadow me all day every day and watch how my behaviours come out and make the notes that I can't so that I can finally get the help I need. For the love of all that is good, please help me explore neurodivergence to some capacity. I know BPD is only a layer on top of more. And that's all you want to focus on. And it makes me feel a bit frustrated. It's not severe frustration, it's more like a nagging hang nail.

And the BPD diagnosis came from a psychiatrist that only saw me for two hours and nurses that had me for two days. I was mostly dissociated and overwhelmed with all the 'new' around me in the hospital. And I coped with my obedience mask. I wish, I wish the BPD thing didn't stick. I wish, I wish someone would care enough to help me pull back the (now automatic) mask and help me with the problems underneath. DBT feels like a step in the right direction and that gives me some hope. But it's frustrating to think about this being as far as I'll likely get.

-----

Does this make sense to anyone? Is this something worth mentioning to my therapist? I would love advice. Thank you 🫶

#berf’s tags:#BPD #Autism #Neurodivergent #therapy #mental health #mental illness #help #fyp #tumblr fyp

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saintaemond · 8 months

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Most alysmond writers (like you) are helaena haters, you hates the thought of helaemond and barely ever even mention helaena in your fanfics.

Wrong!

i do not hate helaena. i never have. i actually love her. i don't follow, support or know any alysmond writer that does. i also do not support people infantilising her character or trashing her to prop up alysmond. there is NO REASON to ever hate her or do that.

helaena is a dreamer. she's neurodivergent. her dragon's name is dreamfyre. she's alicent's only daughter. she's her mother's longing and tragedy staring back at her. she's her father's dreamer, his long-awaited prodigy, staring back at him, only to be ignored. she is a mother. she is a queen, but she's cassandra! i love helaena immensely! i love phia saban! she was fantastic in ltk and i know that when b&c comes around she WILL be showing us how it's done

2. Right!

i am not a fan of helaemond.

it seems to me that most people that love this ship don't even love helaena. i'm speaking on the way i've seen (not all, but some) people reframe her grief and trauma of the murder of her child, to instead, be all about her relationship with aemond. or they make her tragic suicide be about aemond. they want her children to be aemond's instead. they want her to be the one at god's eye to witness aemond's death. they want to change the sibling's dynamic to mimic aegon/naerys/aemon love triangle.

if you think about it beyond any fanfic trope, it does not serve any character or the dance. i fail to see how it improves aemond's arc, helaeana's or even aegon's.

and if you want to ship them, that's totally fine. i'm not trying to change your mind. and nobody needs to be out here trying to change mine. i am not wasting my time hating any specific person or writer whereas there is some helaemond telling me to off myself every other week in my inbox any time i mention alys rivers.

i haven't gotten a chance to write about helaena seeing as my fics start with aemond in harrenhal up to god's eye. i'm sorry! but you can literally say the same about every single other character that's not in my fic. it doesn't mean i hate them! i love love love a lot of them, helaena targaryen included

#ask #helaena targaryen #aemond targaryen #alys rivers

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violet-moonstone · 9 months

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To this day, the scene in HTTYD 1 when Stoick tells Hiccup "you're not my son" affects me so viscerally, sometimes to the point of tears. It didn't the first time I watched it, but as I got older and began to question my faith, I became terrified at the idea that my mother would react similarly to the way Stoick did. And when Stoick and Berk as a whole finally accept Hiccup for who he was, I lived vicariously through that, believing I would never get that kind of acceptance in my own family.

Even now, with my religious trauma somewhat resolved, that scene is like a punch to the gut. It's one of the many reasons Hiccup has resonated with me for over a decade. As a socially awkward, nerdy kid who always felt different and who could never quite figure out how to be the "right" version of myself, it was easy for me to identify with him. But that added layer of relatability with my upbringing just made the connection even stronger. I see myself in him in so many ways, and his courage to defy harmful traditions always inspired me.

Anyone else use HTTYD as a way to work through their strict religious/homophobic/transphobic upbringing? And I know a lot of neurodivergent people see themselves in Hiccup as well.

I think he's a deeply comforting character for anyone who's felt alone, rejected, confused, lost, anxious, wrong, unclean, angry, ashamed, curious, used. etc. Anyway, cue "I'm Not Okay," by My Chemical Romance.

#httyd #hiccup haddock #hiccup httyd #httyd hiccup #violet-moongem

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crabussy · 9 months

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hi .. i have a question for you

i think im an otherkin?? but i dont really know if i am??

and i think you are one (sorry if this is wrong !!) but can you tell me how you knew ??

hi!! you're right, I am under the alterhuman/nonhuman umbrella!! specifically I'm not really any animal, I am a psychological therian which means my nonhumanity is linked to the way that my brain works. I am some kind of creature, if you search "alien" on my art blog (@beastwhimsy) you'll find what I am!! being this thing makes me very happy, and it is not detrimental to my mental health in any way. <- I've talked to my therapist about this and he's fascinated by it and supports the fact that I'm nonhuman!!

ever since I was a little kid I've been acting differently to the other kids because it made me happier- I would walk along fences like a cat, I'd consistently and constantly imagine myself with wings every day, and the alien species I invented back then to encapsulate my experiences actually stayed with me until the present day!! I have a theory that my nonhuman experiences link to my neurodivergent experiences, as I was outcast from social groups because I acted strangely, and I didn't feel like I was the same as my peers. today, my default sense of self is as some kind of creature, my spacial awareness matches the limbs and features of this creature more than it does my actual human form, and it makes me happier to visualise myself as this creature!! there are many, many ways to be alterhuman- for some its spiritual, others it is psychological, for some it is a coping mechanism for something and some do it for fun or because they feel happier as an alterhuman.

some common experiences for therians/nonhumans include phantom limbs (the experience of having spacial awareness of limbs and features corresponding to an animal/creature) and mental shifts (feeling as though your mindset has shifted away from human thought and feeling processes to become more animalistic, e.g. for a dog therian they would become much more focussed on smells as a way to experience the world around them, and they may think less in words and more in images and feelings. these states are usually temporary and not harmful or hindering, though they can be annoying).

you have a higher chance of being nonhuman if you are neurodivergent or have experienced dehumanisation throughout your life, but anyone can fall under the alterhuman umbrella regardless of your childhood or your neurological makeup!!

last thing, it isn't always but it can be tied into your gender!! for example, I use it/that as well as he/him because it feels more in line with how I perceive myself and it makes me happy. it is a reclamation of dehumanising terms in a sense.

#alterhuman #nonhuman #THATS A LOT OF TEXT #you don't have to understand my experiences btw!! just keep your mind open and understand that the human(ish) experience is vast #this makes me happy and it is not harmful.#good luck anon!!! I hope this helped #if you have any questions please ask them!!#ask tag #otherkin

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