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futuremrsdrcullen · 2 years

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Aren't We Just Terrified - Part One

Part one of the New Moon reader insert fic that I've been promising for FAR far too long.

Summery- The idea of facing mortal danger just to see a ghost of him almost sounded rational here.

I watched as Bella hugged her chest to keep herself whole. I stood by as she chased adrenaline for the smallest glimpse of Edward.

I didn’t feel perfect- standing there didn’t heal me. I let out a small humorless laugh and shook my head accepting that I couldn’t keep pretending that there was never a wound in the first place.

Word Count- 12,214

Warnings- This is New Moon, so it's a lot darker than the first. IF YOU HAVEN'T READ I'm Always in This Twilight READ THAT FIRST!! Depression, abandonment, misunderstandings, break ups, Age gaps because of vampires, angst! It's very angsty, but it gets better! I promise it has a very happy ending.

Notes from me- My name is Claire and this is my second love child. I have finally finished my version of New Moon and I could not be more excited for you guys to see it.

This is book 2 of probably 5 so stayed tuned for the rest of them.

I DO NOT own The Twilight Saga. All rights go directly to S. Meyer.

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Thank you for being here, I Love you <3

Aren't We Just Terrifed - Part One

Unlike Bella, I was very excited for my birthday. It was a little different, I guess. Carlisle was still older than me and Edward would always be stuck at 17. It made sense that she wouldn't want to be another year older. Especially since she was already ready to be a vampire.

I was not. I wanted, at least, another 5 human years. To be with Carlisle, to experience human things. I hadn’t told anyone this. I tried not to think about it around Edward, and hadn’t really decided anything, so I hoped Alice couldn’t see my plans. If you could even call them that.

When my 21st birthday rolled around, I could not wait for what the day had in store.

“Happy birthday, Y/n!” Alice, Bella, and my dad were rushing into my room. Alice and Dad had gifts, Bella didn’t, though I think she just didn’t want me to return the favor.

“You didn’t have to get me anything.” I said.

“For the record, I did tell them that, and I listened.” Bella added as she showed her empty hands, and I laughed.

“I just knew you’d love it!” Alice added a wink at me “Carlisle will love it too.” My eyes went wide as she laughed.

Dad's brow furrowed “Ahhh-ba! Mines not wrapped, so we can do that first and then I’ll leave you girls to it.” He handed me the gift. “One of, if not the best, single malt whiskey. Made right here in the pacific northwest.” He said with a grin. Around the top of the bottle of Westland Whiskey he had handed me, was a silky blue ribbon.

“Thanks Dad, this is great.”

“The ribbon is part of the gift too. You had one just like it as a kid. You’d wear it all the time, pretending to be Wendy.” He smiled at the ribbon and the memory it held before his eyes met mine again.

“I remember Dad, Thank you. It’s perfect.” I got up and hugged him. I leaned up to kiss his cheek.

“Alright, enough of me. Happy birthday, kid.” he left and softly shut the door behind him. When I turned around to face them Alice was grinning from ear to ear.

“Really? In front of my dad?” She put her hands up.

“I didn’t mean it like that! I’ve just seen you wear it tonight and, of course, he loves you in it.” She laughed, “It will look so cute with the ribbon in your hair.”

I pretended to gasp “Don’t spoil it!” We laughed and Alice handed me the box.

“Open it! I can’t wait.” I smiled back at her and opened the gift.

I pulled out the stunning deep blue dress. It was maybe knee length, and full of glitter. I thought that was fitting for my dinner date with a vampire tonight.

“You can wear it tonight!” Bella exclaimed then added. “Billy and Jacob will be here later.”

“And Carlisle is picking you up at 5pm, so you’ll have plenty of time to get ready.” Then she added, a little quieter, “The rest of us are going hunting tonight. It will just be the two of you.”

I blushed at her implication and looked back at the dress. “Right… Cool, thanks.”

“We’ll let you get ready. Happy birthday, Y/n! I’ll see you again tomorrow.” She hugged me quickly before grabbing Bella’s arm and leading her out of my room.

I just stared at the dress.

I was going to spend a full night… Alone… With Carlisle .

I let out a breath I didn’t fully know I was holding and tried to pull it together.

I heard the welcoming voice of my dad when his friend got there and spent a few more seconds looking at myself in the mirror before deciding that I looked as good as I was going to.

I had the dress from Alice on. It was a perfect fit, of course, and I tied my hair back with the ribbon from my dad.

I went downstairs to see that Billy and Jacob Black were, as expected, here. Bella’s face lit up when she saw me come down the stairs.

“Y/n! You look amazing!” She complimented, and everyone looked at me. Only a small part of me died of embarrassment.

“Happy birthday!” Jacob said. He had grown quite a bit since I had last seen him, but he still had a boyish look to him.

“It’s good to see you, Y/n. You’re looking very… Alive.” Billy said from the living room.

"Uhm, Thanks?” Confused, I forced out a laugh.

“We got you a card. Charlie said you’re hard to shop for.” Poor, sweet Jacob tried to shift focus.

“Only ‘cause your dad told me not to just get you a case of Rainier. It is your 21st, right?” Billy asked

“Yep,” putting emphasis on the p and I walked into the kitchen.

“You’ve got so much living left to do, ya know?” He added.

My eyes shot to Bella; she looked just as confused as I felt.

“I have full intentions of living…” I tried to not glare at him from the kitchen and poured myself a cup of coffee.

Billy went to say something else that would have probably been equally as confusing, but Dad, thankfully, interrupted. “Well, this is a grim topic for a birthday. What do you have planned for the day, kid? Is that the dress Alice got you? It’s beautiful.” I will forever be grateful for my dad.

Jacob mouthed a quick sorry to Bella, who just let out a soft chuckle.

“It is. She has great taste.” I turned to show him the ribbon in my hair. “It goes great with the ribbon. Thanks again, Dad.”

“Sure kid. It looks great.” he kissed the top of my head, looking happy to see the ribbon already being put to good use.

It was already around 4pm, so I only had to suffer for one hour before Carlisle whisked me away. I knew if I had texted him, he would have come home early and I could have avoided this conversation all together, but I also knew he needed to hunt.

Then again, it was very hard to not see or hear from him for three days. Of course Billy was making that feeling so much worse.

I wish I was allowed to know that they are werewolves, so I didn’t just have to think that the only thing off with them is that they have this big secret. I hated all this “it’s not my secret to tell, mon coeur…” From Carlisle. Billy hinted at so much, like, not only did he know the Cullens were vampires, but he also had a secret life of his own. I thought werewolf, maybe, or vampire hunter, made the most sense.

I respected the game they were playing and I kept my mouth shut. My plate was full with the supernatural already. Why stir the pot any more?

Bella said something in response to Billy. Something I’d missed entirely, because I was thinking about Carlisle.

“Is it wise to spend your birthday with them?” Billy asked. He looked at me like a disapproving father. All of which was annoying, considering my actual dad was right there and he didn’t have a single problem with my choice of birthday companion.

“I spend most days with Carlisle, so I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I smirked at him and took a large sip of my coffee.

“Why don’t we move to the living room and watch the game?” Dad, bless him, interrupted our stare down to suggest.

“That sounds great!” Jacob, bless him too, added and wheeled him, after Dad, into the living room. Bella and I stayed in the kitchen and the second they were out of hearing range we looked at each other, both of our eyes wide.

“That was… uncomfortable.” She laughed, “Why are they like this?”

“They act like the legends are more than just legends… you know?” I added, trying to gauge what she knew. It wasn’t my secret to share either. She shrugged, staring confusedly back at me. It didn't seem like she knew anything more than I did, or if she did, she wasn’t going to tell me. I just laughed it off, “I’ll just ask Carlisle about it later. Maybe it’s nothing.”

She shook her head in confusion. “We gotta get back in there before they ask anymore questions.”

The hour ticked by painfully slowly; I thought I was actually going crazy, but then there was a knock on the door.

I stood and ran to the door, eager to get it before anyone could get it first, not that anyone even moved to. I still lost my breath when I saw him. His eyes a bright golden color and his hair just a little damp from the rain. I stepped out on the porch, shut the door quickly behind me, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

He rested his hands on my hips and kissed the crook of my neck. “Happy Birthday, Cara .” I leaned back to look at his face again. “You look… stunningly beautiful. ”

“Alice said you’d like it.”

“I like everything you wear. I like you. ” He leaned in to kiss me.

“Oh, I’m demoted to only like now?”

I could feel his laugh against my lips, “Hmm, I love you so much.”

“Just checking…” I leaned in to meet his kiss. Our first kiss after 3 days apart felt like a breath of fresh air. The only thing keeping me grounded these last few days was knowing that this kiss was just around the corner. That, soon, I would get to kiss him again; he would run his fingers through my hair and hold me to him like he needed this just as much as I did. If I let myself, I could stay here in this kiss forever.

Sadly, the need to breathe out weighed my wants and I had to pull back. I rested my head on his shoulder.

“As much as I really don't want to, I've gotta get my shoes and things.” He laughed and I turned to get the door before I remembered who was inside and froze. “Oh uhm… Billy and Jacob Black are here and Billy’s been kinda weird… Weird like he knows things…” I raised my eyebrows and looked at him.

He didn’t seem surprised at all. “Oh I’m sure he has been.” He let out a soft sigh, “ Thank you for the warning, but it will be alright.” He kissed my forehead and went to open the door.

“ You know I’m gonna ask you to elaborate on that later, right?”

“It’s not my secret to share.” He smiled at me as I opened the door and pulled him inside.

I whispered “I hate that response and you know it.” and he laughed again.

Dad was standing near the doorway to the living room when we came in, “Doctor,” nodding in Carlisle’s direction “How's it going?”

“Well, Charlie, and yourself?”

“It’s going-”

“Dr. Cullen,” Billy came into the room and I grabbed Carlisle's hand. He gave my hand a soft squeeze to reassure me.

“Always a pleasure to see you, Chief Black.”

“Sure. Of course, I hope things are good, especially with the girls. I hate for something to happen…” He tilted his head towards me.

“See what I mean…” I whispered, barely audible, still knowing he heard me. I heard his soft laugh in response and felt his hand move to my back.

“Alright. Back to the game.” Dad saved the day again, though I’m sure he was confused on where this all was coming from, but I was still grateful. He kissed my forehead, “Have a great night sweetheart.” They went back into the living room and I heard dad say “You drunk already, old man? What is up with you?” and Billy just laughed.

I made quick work of grabbing my bag and sliding on my shoes and once we were out of the door I asked again. “So, do you know what all that’s about?”

“Like I said before, I shouldn’t say. It’s not my secret to share.”

“But you’re gonna tell me , right?”

“No, probably not.” he shook his head and walked me to the car door. “If someone told you we were vampires, before we were ready, we would have been pretty upset.”

I sighed as I got into the car. “My money is still on werewolves.”

He laughed at that and smiled at me as he sat in the driver seat. “I love you,” He was still chuckling as he pulled out of the driveway.

At the restaurant, I ate a hefty salad and he pretended to sip a black coffee. He of course picked out an expensive wine for me to try. How he knew I’d like it, I’ll never understand, but it was very good. It was white and fruity and sweet. I couldn’t pronounce the name if I tried but it made me melt when he said it.

As he took another fake sip of his coffee I asked, “So what’s the story behind the black coffee? It's, like, the only thing you order.”

“Well, It’s very common for restaurants to sell black coffee, and the cups keep my hands nice and warm.” He wiggled his fingers and I definitely didn’t follow his fingers with my eyes.

“Oh… that makes a lot of sense actually,” I blushed and tore my eyes from his hands back to his face.

He just smirked at me and raised an eyebrow. “Yeah?”

“Yup.” I popped the “p” to fill the awkwardness that was almost palpable on my end. I could feel my blush deepen even as I looked back at my glass of wine.

He spent just about the whole dinner chuckling at me, as if he knew that all that was going through my head was our upcoming night alone together

By the time we pulled into the driveway, I don’t think the reality had fully set in.

“So, you said I wasn’t allowed to get you a gift but I may have bent that just a little…” He admitted sheepishly.

“Carlisle-”

“Don’t worry. It’s not especially crazy.” He laughed.

“Everything you guys do is crazy.”

“Trust me?”

“With my life…” I blushed and tried to contain my grin.

“We’re throwing a whole party for Bella. I’m keeping you to myself, just us.”

“She’s going to be difficult about that.”

“We are fully prepared for that, we’re just hoping she’ll secretly love it.”

He took my hand as we walked in the door. The house was dimly lit, mostly with candles and there were rose petals everywhere. He chuckled softly when I turned to face him, my eyebrows raised. “Alice took over when I left. I just set out the champagne.”

“She has a hidden motive for everything.” I retort

“I dont think it’s all that hidden.” He kissed my forehead, before going into the kitchen and grabbing the champagne and a glass. I followed behind him.

“I kinda hate that you can’t share this with me.”

Without looking up he poured some in a glass and took a small sip meeting my eyes. “I can, it would just be a waste of a good bottle of champagne.”

I rolled my eyes and laughed softly. “I get it, you can hold your liquor.” He laughed and I took the drink from him. “It takes the fun out of it, but I’m just happy to be here with you.”

“So, how was your birthday so far, Cara?”

I took a second to consider. The gifts from my dad, Alice and Bella. My hand twirled the end of the ribbon in my fingers. “ Simple. Wonderful. Perfect.” I set the glass down and stepped closer to him. He wrapped his arms around me and pressed a quick kiss to my lips “Thank you.”

“Anything for you.” another short, sweet kiss. “You should be celebrated every day.”

“So should you, but you don’t even remember your birthday…”

“You make me feel more celebrated than I could ever deserve.”

“Ah ba ba- Nope! On my birthday, you deserve the world.”

He laughed, “I don’t think that's how it works.”

“Nope. It’s my birthday, I get to decide.” he leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose. I probably could have stood there for the rest of the night; sipping champagne and making dumb jokes. We did stay there for a while doing just that.

“Would you like to finish your drink?”

I pretended to gasp. “Carlisle Cullen, are you trying to get me drunk?”

With a laugh he responded, “Definitely not, but I just have one more little gift-”

“Carlisle!” I really did gasp that time. It was the one thing I agreed with Bella on; this beautiful family had already given me so much and I could never return the favor, no matter how hard I tried. I wasn’t going to throw a fit because they bought me something, but they didn’t have to. I would rather they didn’t.

“I know, I know. We agreed, no gifts. Honestly, it's just something I bought for that house. That you will benefit from, on your birthday.”

Playfully, I glared at him, “But it’s not a gift.”

He smiled again and put his hands up. “Not if you don’t want it to be.”

“Hmm…” I swirled my drink around the glass like fancy people do in fancy movies. “Should I finish this?”

“You don’t have to finish it now-” he chuckled. “You could bring it with you if you want.”

I smiled at him then, “Well, why didn’t you start with that.”

He laughed and took my hand. He led and I followed up the stairs and to his office door. It was the room I spent most of my time in while at the Cullens’ and also the closet thing he had to a bedroom.

When we got to the door he turned his back to it and faced me.

“Close your eyes.” Though he was a master at hiding it, I could see the smallest, excited smile on his lips.

“For something that's not a gift, this sure feels like a gift.” I smiled back at him and closed my eyes. I felt the cool press of his lips to mine before he pulled back and opened the door.

He pulled my hand and led me into the room. I took a very trusting step into the room and heard the lights flip on then the door closed.

He kissed me again before saying, “You can open your eyes now, Y/n”

As I did, I noticed the rose petals had followed us into the office, across the floor, and were scattered all over a beautiful bed that had not been there four days ago. I tried to hide my shock, but I felt the flush rise to my cheeks.

Somehow he was behind me, his lips were on my neck and he was placing small kisses where my skin showed there. I shivered under his icy touch.

“You don’t sleep.” my voice was barely audible.

“No, but you do. This is a gift for you.” I turned to him and playfully glared. He just laughed. “Also, it means I get to spend significantly more time with you. It’s a doubly beneficial situation honestly.”

Though I continued to glare at him, a small smile danced across my lips. I had to admit, I did like his reasoning. While I have slept here a few times, I'd just fallen asleep on the couch in his office before.

The couch was gone and now, there in its place sat one of the fanciest beds I'd probably ever seen. The dark satin sheets and fluffy pillows looked so enticing. The frame alone probably cost more than three of my paychecks, not that money was a problem for him, being a doctor for like 300 years and all.

I looked back at the man I'd grown to love and smiled deeply, "It's absolutely lovely, Carlisle." His smile deepened as he leaned in to kiss me. "I'll have to text my dad that I won't be home tonight."

He laughed against my lips before kissing me. Every time he'd kiss me that night it felt like there was a fire building there, but it never led to more than just long make out sessions. I did want more; I think he wanted more too, but I never wanted to press him and he was too much of a gentleman.

And a vampire.

Which I'm sure played a huge role in the matter of control.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, my hands going to his hair. He lifted me with ease and then we were on the bed. He was sitting on the edge and I was then straddling his lap. I giggled and kissed him again, parting my lips. He took the lead and deepened the kiss only for a moment before he pulled back.

"Mon coeur…" He sighed, his brow furrowed. "We don't… we never have to do anything you aren't comfortable with." He placed a very small kiss on my lips again.

"I know." I kissed him as he had kissed me "I am very comfortable." Another small kiss before I whispered, "I want to. I just never have…"

He let out a breath I didn't know he was holding and quickly kissed me again. "It would take a considerable amount of control on my part."

"If you don't want-"

"I'm not saying no, Y/n." He brushed my hair behind my ear. His eyes were soft. "I'd never be able to live with myself if I was the cause of your pain, so bare with me, okay? Stop me if it becomes too much."

I kissed him, slow and deliberate this time. "I trust you. I've never trusted anyone the way I trust you." He held my face, scanning my features for a clear sign of consent. If I could scream it from the rooftops I would. I wanted this, wanted him. I trusted him. I loved him.

"I want you to be sure. If-"

"Carlisle?"

"Hmm?" He winced slightly

"Please…" He swore under his breath. Then, kissing me again, his hand found the zipper of my dress.

I definitely could get used to waking up in his arms. I knew he could tell I was awake but I still tried not to stir too much. I wanted to just lay there and absorb this feeling, the dull ache in my muscles left no desire to move. I would have been completely fine not moving ever again. I loved it.

Caving, I leaned up to kiss his nose. "Hmm. Good morning."

"Good morning, love. How did you sleep?"

"Better than I probably ever have." I giggled and blushed, hiding my face in his chest. Slightly disappointed in myself for actually saying that out loud. "Did you stay here all night?"

He laughed "Not the whole night. Rose called after you fell asleep, and just a bit ago your phone was ringing downstairs so I went to get that for you." He picked it off the end table.

"Oh no, I completely forgot to text my dad." A shot of panic ran through me as I sat up and grabbed my phone from him.

8 MISSED CALLS FROM Chief Father

5 MESSAGES FROM Chief Father

11:30pm: I'm going to bed assuming you're staying at the Cullens and staying safe.

7:02am: Still haven't heard from you. Are you alive?

7:33am: I know you're an adult but I'd like some kind of response soon.

8:05am: You have an hour before I'm going over there.

8:06am: with guns

It was 8:45. "Crap…" I quickly got out of bed and wrapped myself in his shirt that was wrapped on the corner of the desk. I called him, as fast as I could dial the number.

"Oh, so you are alive." His sarcasm proved his annoyance but there was a hint of relief lying there.

"I'm so sorry, Dad. I meant to text you that I was staying with Carlisle, I just got distracted.” I leaned against his desk and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to bite back a laugh.

"Ahh that's okay! It's fine." He was desperate to stop me before I said more. I felt Carlisle wrap his arms around me and laugh softly into my hair. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Were you really going to come out here?"

"Well yeah, in like an hour or so. I do trust you, I just worry."

My heart melted a little. "I know, I'm sorry. I'll be sure to text you next time."

"That's all I ask. Love ya, kid." We said the rest of our goodbyes and I looked up at Carlisle who was still chuckling.

"In my defense," he started "I was under the impression you had already sent him a message."

I glared at him, playfully. "When would I have had time to do that?"

"Okay, that's fair." He lifted my chin to kiss me. "He knows you're safe now, and we still have the house to ourselves for a few hours. Any suggestions on how we should make the time pass?" implications played in his voice as his hand trailed up the back of my shirt- well, his shirt that I was wearing.

"I might have a few ideas." I pressed my lips to his again and we got lost for a few more hours.

Bella turned 18, ten days after my 21st birthday and she tried very hard to let it go unnoticed.

However, you only turn 18 once, so I felt like it at least deserved to be acknowledged. I worked with Alice to plan Bella a semi surprise party, I didn't want another prom situation since she hardly talked to me for weeks after that. This time she knew what was happening, we just let Edward take most of the fall.

Soft Jazz music drifted through the house while Alice had me on candle duty. There were pink taper candles on pretty much every surface and she wanted me to light them all.

I danced around the room, twirling from candle to candle, humming along to the music. Carlisle caught me by the waist and spun me into him. He kissed me softly and I couldn't help laughing with him.

"Ya know, I think I could get used to seeing my old man this happy." A familiar woodsy voice called from the doorway.

"Emmett!" I laughed and pulled away from Carlisle to run and hug him. He and Rosalie had traveled to Africa after their graduation and I had missed his presence. Despite Rosalie's displeasure, Emmett had grown to really enjoy hanging out with Bella and me. "I didn't know you were coming into town.” I looked toward Rosalie, who was still in the doorway and smiled at her. "It's really nice of you."

She nodded once, I knew it was hard for her. She hated what she had become and although I couldn't agree with her, I respected her for wanting better for us. She didn’t dislike me as much, mostly because I didn’t beg to be turned on a regular basis. I only wished she wouldn't be so hateful about it towards Bella.

"I just wish we could have made it back in time for your birthday." She added.

"It's totally fine." I assured them as Carlisle wrapped one of his arms around my waist. It was extremely comforting, I'd grown to love his family like my own and when he stood next to me and held me, even in front of Rose, it felt like he was proud to have me there.

"We bought you a present, since we couldn't make it." Rose smiled at me. It didn't feel forced, I think she did want to like me. She handed me a very neatly wrapped box and I knew it was mostly from her. The paper was shiny gold with a black ribbon and I almost didn't want to damage it. "It's a ceramic tea set from the town we were staying in. There's a family who makes them by hand."

I unwrapped it as she was explaining "It's truly lovely, Rose. Thank you." She smiled at me and I walked to the kitchen table to set the beautiful tea set down safely.

"Oh! Y/n did you get the key to Bella's truck?" Emmett called after me.

"Yep!" I tossed him the keys and he barely looked before catching them with ease. Being surrounded by vampires had its perks sometimes.

When they all turned to face the door I knew that Bella and Edward were there, I was just the only one who didn't hear them pull in. Alice's face was bright with excitement, she had Jasper put on a more modern and up beat CD before they walked in.

I couldn't help but smile at Bella's face as she took in the room; she winced like she was in physical pain.

I hugged her anyway and pulled her into the room. Carlisle hugged her as well. "I have to apologize for all of this, Bella. We couldn’t rein Alice in." He laughed under his breath. There was never a chance of that anyway. We all knew that very well.

Bell's eyes drifted to Rosalie and Emmett and softened a bit. I knew she'd be happy to see them. Rose didn't shift at all but Emmett just looked happy to be there.

"You haven't changed at all." Emmett said with mock disappointment. "I expected a perceptive difference, but here you are, red faced just like always."

"Thanks a lot Emmett." Her face got even more red.

He laughed and tapped the key in his pocket . "Well, I have to step out for a second."- he paused to wink at Alice. Bella totally saw, but she didn't say anything, I laughed softly under my breath. "Don't do anything funny while I'm gone." He pointed at Bella.

"I'll try." She said through a laugh.

Alice and Jasper stood on the other side of the room. Alice skipped across the room to meet Bella and Jasper stayed leaning against the stair railing. Resisting human blood was still hard for him, even now he kept his distance from us. He was still trying his best.

"It's time to open presents," Alice spoke in a floaty voice, probably to distract Bella from Emmetts shenanigans. She pulled Bella towards the piano, which didn't really have that many presents on it.

"Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything." She was dragging her feet.

"I listened." I piped up but she still glared at me. "I may have given Carlisle an idea, but I spent no money." She didn't want me to get her a gift. She said it because she didn't get me one, and if I got her one then she'd look rude, but I think it's because she didn't want to celebrate.

"I didn't listen." Alice added placing a small box in Bella's hands. "Open it."

That was the empty box from Rose, Emmett and Jasper. Once she got it open I could tell she was trying to hide her confusion.

"Uhm... thanks?”

I pressed my lips to Carlisle's shoulder to hide my smile, giggling softly. Rosalie actually cracked a smile.

"It's a stereo for your truck." Jasper grinned from across the room. "Emmett is installing it as we speak.” She thanked them, calling loudly to Emmett. His booming laughter reached in here from Bella's truck.

I smiled up at Carlisle, whose arm was still wrapped around me. I reached up to kiss him, my hand cupping his cheek, his smile growing as his eyes met mine. I wrapped myself up in the feeling of family in the room. I never noticed she had started to open Alice and Edwards present.

I didn't have time to react when she cut her finger.

It all happened in a flash. I was smiling at Carlisle, then he was gone. I heard glass shatter across the room and I watched Edward and Emmett throw themselves at Jasper.

Jasper tried to get away from them. He tried, and thankfully failed, to break Emmetts grip to get to Bella. Bella, who was now on the floor. Edward moved to crouch over her, holding the spot on her arm that had somehow been cut. The glass shattering, I figured.

I tried to appear as small as I could; I wanted to be invisible, if it was possible. The shock was setting in, I could feel the panic. I heard them say things I couldn't process. I didn't move, I didn't breathe.

Carlisle somehow remained calm. Even as Emmett dragged a growling Jasper from the room.

"Let me by, Edward." He murmured. His voice was clear, and the only one I could hear amidst the noise. Edward's stance over my sister didn't change. He was protecting her from even his father; which probably would have been endearing in any other circumstance.

Once Edward relaxed a little, Carlisle knelt next to Bella and examined the wound on her arm. It was huge and bleeding a lot. Alice tried to hand him a towel, but he shook his head. "There's too much glass in the wound." He made a tourniquet with a scrap of table cloth. Bella looked like at any point she would barf, or faint… or both.

I still couldn't move. I wanted them to focus on her. I wanted them to forget I was there at all.

"Bella," his voice was still soft and clear. "Do you want me to drive you to the hospital, or would you like for me to take care of it here." I panicked briefly, thinking about Dad.

"Here, please." She sounded distant. She must have been thinking about Dad too. If he found out what happened, he'd have questions. I knew because I had questions and I was here. I still didn't know how to answer any of them.

"I'll get your bag."

"Lets get her to the kitchen table," then they were there. "How are you doing Bella?"

"I'm fine," the steadiness in her voice was almost comforting.

I looked at the scene around me and tried, for the first time, to assess the situation. Though it had just happened, I felt completely zoned out. Then Edward was gone and Alice ran an apologetic hand down my arm as she also left the room.

I stood there in the center of the room looking at all the scattered roses and broken glass and blood, very much still in shock, but trying to power through it. I let out a shaky breath and took a few steps towards them, only pausing when Carlisle’s head snapped sharply to me. As if he had only just noticed I was still there.

“Y/n” my name rolled off his tongue like he breathed it. So much concern painted his features.

“I’m fine… I‘m right here.” Even my voice sounded distant. He was not convinced, but he nodded once and focused back on Bella’s arm.

I think he was always afraid I would snap out of the comfortable illusion I had painted for myself and run away from him. I’m sure that today's events had set that belief in. I think, for a normal person, it would have driven them away.

But I was a Swan and I fell in love with a vampire, nothing here was normal.

And of course this was Bella. A perpetual danger magnet even on the best days. Even on her birthday she managed to nearly die.

Bella sighed, “I can clear a room at least.”

“It’s not your fault,” He chuckled softly. “It could happen to anyone.”

“ Could. ” Bella repeated, “ But it usually just happens to me.”

He laughed again, glancing quickly at me. He’d ask me 100 times tonight if I was truly alright. I didn’t really know how to reassure him if I didn’t know that I was alright; I was still in shock.

I walked over to the table where Bella was sitting and grabbed her free hand. I gave it a soft, comforting squeeze. Her gaze drifted from me to Carlisle's face, like she was studying the two of us.

“How can you do this?” she asked. “Even Alice and Edward…” She trailed off, shaking the thought from her head. Carlisle was the only one with complete control of his thirst.

“Years and years of practice.” He admitted. “I barely notice the scent anymore.”

“Even with her?” she mentioned me like I wasn’t in the room, but her grip remained firm on my hand. His eyes floated to my face and he smiled a little.

“With Y/n, there's a few extra challenges.” I couldn’t help but blush softly. “Her scent isn’t as strong as yours, but there are a few added desires .”

Bella nodded as if she understood the hidden meaning to his words. I looked down at where our hands were intertwined, smiling softly. My face was red hot.

Since my birthday we hadn’t been able to keep our hands to ourselves. We were both fully indulging in those ‘added desires’.

“It’s just Edward…” she shook her head again. “ Do you think it would be harder if you took a vacation from the hospital for a long time? And weren’t around blood?”

“Maybe,” He shrugged while his hands remained steady. “I’ve never felt the need for an extended holiday.” a smile crossed his face and I fell for him all over again. “I enjoy my work too much.”

“What is it that you enjoy?” I think she was trying to distract herself from what he was doing with her arm. He seemed to think about it for a moment.

“Hmm. What I enjoy most is when my… enhanced abilities help me save someone who would otherwise have been lost. It’s pleasant knowing that, thanks to what I can do, some people's lives are better because I exist. Even the sense of smell is a useful diagnostic tool at times.”

I tried to smile at him, my voice still didn't sound much like my own. “Your existence makes my life better.”

“And yours mine.” His smile was soft, his voice had more confidence.

“It’s not like you asked for this. I think you try too hard to make up for something that was never your fault. You didn’t choose this life and yet, you work so hard to be good. It’s admirable.” I suggested this just to keep Bella distracted. He knew I loved this about him. He never stopped making an effort to be more than the ‘monster’ he believed he became. I didn’t have to tell him that there was no way he could ever be a monster; he knew how I felt, but I wanted Bella to see him this way too.

“I don’t think I’m making up for anything,” he disagreed lightly “Like everything in life, I just had to decide what to do with what I was given.”

“That makes it sound too easy.” Bella sided with me, it was hard not to.

He looked back at her arm. “There, all done” He was covering her arm in iodine. The smell was worse than the blood, but probably not for them. I looked around the room again.

“In the beginning though,” She pressed. “Why did you even think to try a different way than the obvious one?”

His smile changed to a more private one “Hasn’t Edward told you this story?”

I had heard this story. His face was on me again as I stood. “I’m going to clean up.” I barely whispered before pressing a kiss to his cheek.

I zoned out while he retold his origin story to Bella. I grabbed baking soda and white vinegar from under the kitchen sink then the bleach from the bathroom closet and went back to the main room.

I swept up the glass on the floor, making sure to double bag it before getting to work on the floor. The baking soda and vinegar got out most of the stain. I used the bleach to finish the job, hoping it would cover the smell, even for them. It took a few minutes, but as I was finishing, Edward came in the door. HIs hands in his pockets.

“Thank you. It helps quite a bit actually.” I knew he’d heard the question in my thoughts. His gift only affected me sometimes. There were times when I really didn’t want him in my head though, and then, somehow, he wouldn’t be able to hear my thoughts. They had running bets on the reason. I told them I didn’t want to know, but I was thankful that I got to keep some form of privacy.

“No problem.” I looked over his shoulder and out the open front door.

“They’ll be out for the night.” He shut the door behind him. His eyes met mine and a look crossed his features that looked pained, or confused… or constipated. His brows furrowed as he said, “I’ve always feared this. Carlisle does too, if he’s never told you. Either of you getting hurt, because of what we are.”

Carlisle hadn’t told me. I had kind of suspected, I guess. Bella and I spent our lives with one of the human world's most dangerous predators. I knew that he feared that I would be afraid of him. I’d never really considered that I should be afraid, until tonight.

“Exactly.” I heard Edward mumble before he went into the room where I had left Bella and Carlisle. I stayed and finished the last bit of sweeping and mopping. He was only in there for a few moments before drifting through the room and going back outside.

“It’s not his fault.” Bella spoke to them, trailing slowly behind them.

“It’s not yours, either.” Carlisle countered. I couldn’t help but agree with him.

Her eyes drifted from his face to the floor then to me. I was still holding the mop but the work was done. “Y/n, Let me do that.” She blushed and moved towards me.

“It’s already done, Bells.” I smiled softly at her and then at Carlisle for confirmation. He nodded once and mouthed a ‘thank you’. I was just glad that I could help them. I glanced back at Bella and asked. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine. Carlisle sews faster than any doctor I’ve had” She huffed a laugh but it sounded forced. I think the gravity of the situation was starting to weigh on her.

I stepped over to Carlisle and wrapped an arm around his waist. He kissed my hair and I felt more than heard the ‘thank you’ he whispered there as well. Alice and Edward came back in. Alice going to Bella’s side and Edward lingering by the door.

“Come on,” Alice said. “I’ll get you something less macabre to wear.” She all but floated out of the room with Bella.

Once they were out of the room it was clear that Edward and Carlisle were speaking through his thoughts. Edward nodded here and shook his head there. I tried not to let the panic set in. I bounced on the balls of my feet and stole a glance at Carlisle’s face. Edward shook his head in response to something and Carlisle seemed almost angry.

The worry grew in my chest and I knew that I would break soon. Carlisle simply kissed the top of my hair to soothe some of the worry away.

Edward shook his head again, clearly growing more annoyed and went to the front door. Bella and Alice came back downstairs and I glanced at Alice. She looked tired, I glanced around the room at all of them. They all look tired; I don’t think I’d ever seen them look so tired.

I could only imagine how I looked.

Edward held open the door for her. “Take your things!” Alice floated the rest of the way downstairs and handed them off to her. “You can thank me later when you've opened them.”

“Goodnight Bella, Happy Birthday again…” Carlisle called after them.

“I’ll… Uhm, I’ll meet you at the house.” I whispered, though I knew they could hear me. I just hoped Edward didn’t read my thoughts and know how long I planned on staying. I craved the comfort that only Carlisle could give. I wanted to stay as long as he’d let me. Bella just nodded and slipped out. Alice went out the back, presumably to be with Jasper.

Just me and Carlisle stood in the room.

“We should go get your things…” He said and took my hand, leading me up the stairs. When we were in his room and the door was closed behind us. He turned to me and asked softly “Are you alright, Cara?” and I just fell apart.

There in the room, I felt like I had nothing to hide and the panic washed over me, no longer feeling the need to hold myself together. He wrapped me up in his arms and carried me to the bed.

He held me there until the shaking stopped. He kissed my tears away and brushed the hair behind my ear. He mumbled more apologies in the space where my neck met my shoulder between kisses. I didn’t even know why I was crying. I was fine, Bella was fine, and yet, the panic held on to me.

I knew the worst was over and yet I couldn’t shake the impending doom.

“I… why do I feel like everything is… wrong now, somehow?” I mumbled.

“I’m so sorry, Y/n. You should have never been put into this situation. I understand why you’re scared-”

“I’m not-”

“You should be. You could have easily been hurt. Every second you spend in our world you’re in danger. I wish I could protect you from it all, but I don't know how.” As he spoke his voice got more and more soft. His eyes held a cold I’d never seen in him before.

I could feel my heart breaking.

I watched his break too.

We were both quiet for a long time. I broke the silence first “I’m not scared of you, Carlisle. I’ve only ever felt safe with you.”

He sighed and kissed my forehead. “I love you.”

“I love you.” I added.

“Are you feeling better? I should get you home.”

“I suppose…”

Without saying another word, he helped me up and I grabbed my overnight bag. I knew it would be easier on his family if I wasn’t here when they got back. I didn’t say it outloud though. He would have told me not to worry about them.

I hated how much this part hurt.

We drove home and the car ride was mostly silent. Soft jazz music played from the radio. I hummed along to the songs I’d grown to love. He smiled softly at me from time to time, he brought my hand to his lips. When we turned into the driveway my eyes met his. The porch light was on and the light came through the heavily tinted windshield. I could still see the worry painting his features.

I gave his hand a soft squeeze, “I’ll see you tomorrow?” I didn’t mean for it to sound so much like a question.

He nodded. “I’ll swing by the cafe after work.” His words didn’t soothe my worry much. “I love you, Y/n”

“I love you… So so much.” I kissed him softly. I wanted it to make me feel normal. It didn’t do much to calm the feeling that everything was off still.

His hand rested on my cheek as he kissed me back, like he also needed it.

I pulled back and nodded. “Tomorrow then.”

“Tomorrow.”

I got out of the car and headed inside. Waving one more time as he pulled out of the driveway.

Dad was asleep on the couch. Most of the lights in the house were off. The tv played some rerun of a game. I shut it off and pulled a blanket up over dad. I kissed his head then headed upstairs.

Bella’s light was also off, though there was the faint glow from her lamp. I shut my door loud enough for her to hear and know I was home.

I didn’t turn my light on; I didn’t change.

I just curled up in my bed and prayed for an ounce of normalcy.

I don't think I slept at all.

I heard Bella leave for school the next morning. I heard dad in the shower getting ready for work. I opened my eyes and saw the soft gray light coming through the window. I watched the rain drops for a while until I finally convinced myself to get up and go downstairs.

I started making breakfast for Dad. I fried eggs and bacon and made some toast. I couldn’t bring myself to eat, but I made myself a glass of orange juice.

“Morning kiddo.” I jumped at the sound of his voice and the glass fell to the floor, completely shattering on impact.

“Shit… Dad… Sorry.” I got the broom and started sweeping up the glass. He laughed at my clumsiness.

“You don't have to apologize. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He held up the dust pan for me. “I’ve been down here for a minute. You didn’t notice?”

“Oh, uhm, No?” I blushed, slightly embarrassed. “I was lost in thought I guess.”

“Sure.” he took the glass and dumped it in the trash. The sound made me shiver. “How was the party?”

“Fine. You know how Bella is though, they spent money, she acted grateful while they were in the room, complained when they left.”

“What happened to her arm?” I winced. I knew that was coming.

“She fell. I swear, she can take the smallest thing and turn it into life or death.” I forced a laugh. He didn’t need to know how truthful I was being. “Carlisle cleaned her up though. No big deal.” I shrugged and smiled at him.

“Well, thank him for me.” He sat down and started eating. I made another glass of juice then started the dishes.

A minute or so later he kissed my head and left for work. If he said anything else, I didn’t hear him.

I was alone with my thoughts for most of the day after that. Both Dad and Bella had work but I didn’t go in until 8, so I just floated around the house trying to stay busy.

Then It was 7:30, and I’d lost track of time. Everything still felt off.

I hoped that seeing Carlisle at work would help. I slid my shoes on, grabbed my apron and headed to the cafe.

Carlisle’s Point of View

Edward made it very clear.

We had to leave.

I had finally found the one thing that made me feel alive again and yet there stood a gap between what I truly wanted and what my family believed was right.

If I looked at this from purely a safety standpoint, it made sense. Bella would never be safe as long as she was human. If I had any say she wouldn’t still be human, she would have turned the night James bit her. She would be safe, and we wouldn’t have to leave.

It would save all of us this pain. Not to mention it's what she wants anyway. It wasn’t my place to make that kind of decision for them. If we weren’t going to change Bella, logically I knew she’d only be safe if we left. I did not feel the same about Y/n.

Y/n was very different then Bella in many ways. Mostly in the way that Y/n had some self preservation skills. When Jasper lost control, it was as if she wasn’t even in the room. Victoria and James never thought twice about her.

I couldn’t… I wouldn’t just leave her behind.

I decided to go with them for Edward and Alice's sake. She would see my decision to go with them and be content enough to not press, but I could leave clues for Y/n. Alice would only see it when she decided to come find me, then I’d explain myself to the family. I could leave clues and hide my thoughts from Edward and when she knew, she’d come find me again.

I could live knowing that, in the end, it was her decision. She had every right to choose her own fate. I would always respect her choice.

However if I saw her tonight, I wouldn’t be strong enough to leave. She’d also see right through me. I couldn’t go and pretend everything was alright. I couldn’t lie to her.

I hadn’t noticed I was pacing. My steps were hardly audible as I crossed the office over and over. From the other side of the room I stared at the bed I had bought her, solely so she could be more comfortable when she stayed over.

Even when I’d laid with her, though normally such an act would put her in great danger, she kept me grounded. With me, I knew she was safe. The idea of abandoning her, even knowing that I wasn’t really, made my heart ache in a way I’d no longer thought possible.

I flashed across the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Her scent lingered in the sheets, like she was still sleeping there. I breathed in deeply, taking in the smell of the woman I loved. She always smelled like warm honey and damp earth. Like the sweetest parts of the only home she had ever known.

Like the first place I felt I truly belonged since the loss of Esme.

And now we had to leave it. To protect Bella and Y/n. We had to leave.

It made perfect sense.

She was very understanding when I called to tell her I wouldn’t be at the cafe. I could hear the disappointment in her voice. I hated it, but I made dinner plans with her anyway.

I reserved a table at the quaint restaurant in Port Angeles. I’d taken her there on a few dates and for her birthday. I told her I would meet her there, she needed to have her car to drive herself home.

That was the first bread crumb. The first little clue, so she knew what was coming. So she’d look for more. Next, the key to the house, the ‘plants in the office’, the letter, the plane tickets, the money. All left for her to find, so she could find them and choose to look for more. She could choose to find me; so she could choose me. I wrote her the letter and left it on my desk. I couldn’t leave it in her possession, Edward would be too thorough. Everywhere but the house itself, he’d make sure there was no trace of us. I’d give her a key to the house.

I would get there before her, get a table, explain why we had to leave, and she’d see through it. She would follow the trail I’d left for her. She just had too.

Alice wouldn’t see it til Y/n made the choice for herself. I’d force myself to think about other things until Edward was gone.

She’d find the letter after we were gone. It would explain everything. With the letter she’d find the tickets.

I hoped she would choose to find me too.

Y/n’s Point of View

The air felt wrong. I think Bella could feel it too.

The events of Bella’s birthday affected us all pretty hard. Alice and Jasper left that night, not saying where they were going, I just assumed they flew up to Denali. Edward wasn’t at the house much and felt distant. Carlisle was… Well…

He was acting completely normal, calm and collected. It just felt… off.

Still, I got ready for the dinner he had planned. I pulled my hair out of my face and I hoped for the best.

I saw his car as soon as I pulled into the parking lot. I parked in the spot next to him and cut the engine. I sat there for a second trying to breathe, trying to calm my nerves, even though I didn’t know why I was nervous in the first place.

He opened my door for me and I hugged him like I always did. The kiss he gave me was slow and deliberate. He held my face in his hands even after he broke away. He rested his forehead against mine.

I couldn’t tell why, but it was all starting to feel like a goodbye.

I shuddered at the thought and hoped it couldn’t be. It very easily could have been.

“I know you like this place. I’ve already gotten us a table.”

“Oh, good.” I stepped back and took his hand. He led us inside. He felt normal, The restaurant felt normal. Hell, even this date, if that’s what it was, felt totally normal.

Yet the dread still loomed there like a bad aftertaste of a single bad night.

The hostess took us to the table and asked for our drinks. I got a cabernet. He, of course, got a black coffee. Yea, totally normal.

I didn’t look at the menu, I didn’t want to take my eyes off of him. When the waitress came back with our drinks he told her we would need some privacy.

The air left my lungs.

“Y/n…” He started. His hand reached across the table to hold mine, and he gave my hand a soft squeeze. I didn’t say anything, I just couldn’t. “We’re leaving.”

This really was a goodbye.

He continued, “Most of the others are already gone. Edward is saying his goodbyes to Bella…” Goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye . It rang in my head. I didn’t move, couldn’t move . “Edward thinks it would be safer for Bella, if we weren’t around.”

I thought I heard a slight pitch in his voice, a hesitation in the way he phrased that.

It was just the tiniest glimmer of hope. “ Edward ?” Not Carlisle.

He shook his head, not him. Edward. “We’re not good for Bella.”

“Bella?” not me. My voice still shook. He nodded. Not me, Bella. Not him, Edward. This didn’t have to be about us. “But you’re leaving too?”

“Yes… I have to go as well. It’s for the best, Y/n.” I scanned his features. I tried to find the meaning of his words, like they would somehow be clearer if I looked deep enough in his eyes. This all felt so wrong. “What happened with Jasper-”

“Was nothing. Everything is fine.”

“It’s not fine. Bella… and You- you shouldn’t be in that kind of danger. I’ve never wanted that for you.” I thought I heard his voice break, but I don’t think that’s possible.

A moment of silence passed as I looked into his soft golden eyes. I tried to convince myself to breathe. “Don’t, don’t do this.” My voice definitely did break. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

“I have to, Y/n. For Edward and Alice. For Bella. For you.” He took a deep breath. It reminded me to do the same, though mine was much more shaky. “Bella will never be safe. As long as she's human. As long as we’re around. I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to you.”

“Nothing happened.”

“This time.” he sighed “We have to leave.” he said again, I just nodded as more tears fell. “I’ll always love you, Y/n. This doesn’t change that. Nothing ever could change that.”

I shivered. I wasn’t cold but I couldn’t stop shaking. I nodded anyway, my voice barely audible, “What now?”

“Now I leave-” he took some money from his wallet and set it on the table. It was way more than the cost of our drinks. Then he stood. I didn’t trust my legs to hold me up, I didn’t move. “If you don’t mind, could you do something for me?” I’m sure he saw the confusion on my face, he held out a key to me. “This is the key to the house. It’s yours, as long as you want it. I’ve got some plants in my office-” he almost looked like he was in pain, like he didn’t want to ask. “They’ll need to be watered.”

I let out a short humorless laugh “Sure.” I didn’t move to take the key, so he placed it on the table next to me. My eyes met his again and I felt the pain spread through my chest. I could see how sad he truly was, maybe if vampires could cry he’d even shed a tear. I could feel the last goodbye coming.

He kissed my forehead. My eyes fluttered closed. I held on tightly to his hand like that would keep him from going. “Please… Stay safe, Cara.”

I couldn’t move, my eyes stayed closed, and tears stained my cheeks. If I was kidding myself, I would have sworn he said ‘I love you’ into my hair. Could have felt the goodbye he placed there.

But then my hand was empty.

And he was gone, truly gone.

Some time later, though I had no real perception on how much, the waitress came back to the table. “Are you alright, sweetie?”

I didn’t look up at her, just shook my head. “Could you bring the bottle?” I request, gesturing to the now empty glass of cabernet.

“Sure.”

When she came back I handed her the cash, her eyes went wide at the amount. I hadn’t bothered to see how much there was. “You can keep the rest. I won’t need anything else.”

If she said something else, I didn’t hear her. I sat in the corner of the restaurant. I watched as normal people came and went, regular families eating dinner, cute couples on dates, while I was frozen in place. I wanted to believe that if I sat there long enough- if I blinked enough times- he’d still be sitting in front of me and none of it would have been real.

Tears ran down my cheeks. The sun set. I didn’t move.

The waitress came back. I didn’t hear what she said. I waited a moment, a small “Hmm?” was all I could manage.

“Oh, we're closing.” her voice was soft and filled with pity. I cringed.

“Right… Sorry.” I stood. Surprisingly my legs held.

She looked apologetic immediately. “No, it’s okay. Just, get home safe, alright?”

I nodded and mumbled my thanks. I managed to get to my car and just sat in it for a second. My tears had stopped, but the pain in my chest grew with every breath. Besides that pain, I was completely numb, almost lifeless somehow.

In the quiet of my car I could hear my phone ringing. It was after 10pm. I had 16 missed calls from Dad, and he was calling again.

“Y/n” He was panicking.

“Dad, sorry I left my phone-”

“Are you alright?”

“I’m fine…” It was a lie. I’m sure he knew that, but he didn’t press the issue. I just wanted to calm him down, the panic in his voice was enough to sober anyone. “What’s wrong?”

“Have you seen your sister?” he was still frantic.

“No? Not since she left for school.” I started my car. Edward must be gone. I didn’t know where she would have gone, but I needed to help Dad find her.

“Her truck was here, but the door was locked. There was a note, but I just can’t find her anywhere.”

“I’ll be there soon. I’m in Port Angeles.” I’d be at least 40 minutes.

“Be safe, I love you.” My chest ached.

“I will. I love you too, Dad.” Once he hung up I drove as fast as I could within legal limits. I was too much of a mess to get pulled over.

When I got to the house, there were over around ten cars in the driveway. Dad had a map of the forests near our house spread out on the hood of his cruiser. He hugged me tight when I got up to him. I tried not to flinch away when he kissed the top of my head. I couldn’t stop the tears that fell.

“They’re really gone?” I couldn’t answer. I just nodded. He hugged me tighter. Billy and Harry exchanged a look that I tried to ignore.

“We’ll find her, Charlie.” Harry said.

“They wouldn’t have taken her wit-”

“No,” I cut him off. “No, they went alone.”

“And he just left her in the woods?”

“We don’t know the whole story.” I tried. Billy scoffed. I wanted to punch him.

I didn’t, I just let the silence surround us and tried to focus on the mumbles and police code over Dad's walkie. I think hours passed by in a hazy fog.

Then I saw Sam Uley. I could barely process anything, though I heard him say she wasn’t hurt.

“- she just keeps saying ‘he’s gone’”

He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone .

She wasn’t saying it anymore, but I could hear it in my head. A broken record that could only play, “He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s gone” and “Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye .”

Dad took Bella from Sam and pulled her into the house. I followed a few steps behind. Dad wrapped her up in his jacket on the couch. He gave some of the boys directions to where the spare blankets are kept, but I waved them off, opting to get them myself.

All of these people were here to find Bella. And me, I guess; had I never answered my phone. I handed the blankets to Dad as she confirmed she wasn’t hurt, she’d just gotten lost in the woods.

The doctor left, the volunteers left. Bella hardly moved. I gave Dad the other blanket I had grabbed, knowing that as long as she was down here he’d stay here too.

“Go to bed, sweetheart. I’ve got her.” He said as he settled into the recliner.

“I will…” my voice was flat. The phone rang again, Dad moved to get it, but I was faster. “I’ll get it, just… rest.”

A classmate of Bella, Laura, Lauren maybe? She did sound concerned, but also nosey somehow.

“She’s fine, she just got lost; we’ve found her.” I repeated this to everyone who called. The phone rang on and off for a while. Once it got too late- or early, I guess- the calls stopped. I went back to the living room and sat on the floor. I sat directly in front of the window, pressing my face to the cool glass. I didn’t sleep, didn’t move; I just watched the sunrise on a day I wasn’t prepared for.

The day felt like it was mocking me; because of course it would rain today. I wondered if they planned that. It was a Saturday, too. Bella didn’t have to go to school or work, I didn’t work. They probably wanted to make it easier. It wasn’t.

After some time, the phone rang again. This time Dad was up and to the phone faster than I could get there.

“Where?” he paused. “you're sure it’s outside the reservation… But what could be burning out there?” He sounded both worried and mystified. Bella started to stir a little. “Look, I'll call down there and check it out.”

He hung up and called another number, his hand pinching the bridge of his nose as it rang. I could tell Bella was awake now, and listening too.

“Hey, Billy, it’s Charlie- I’m sorry I’m calling so early… no, she’s fine. She’s sleeping… Thanks, but that's not why I called. I just got a call from Mrs. Stanley, and she says from her second-story window she can see fires out on the sea cliffs, but I didn’t really… Oh!” He suddenly seemed much more annoyed than he was before. “And why are they doing that? Uh huh. Really?” He said it sarcastically. “Well, don’t apologize to me . Yeah, yeah. Just make sure the flames don’t spread… I know, I know, I’m surprised they got it lit at all in this weather.”

Dad got quiet again before adding, “Thanks for sending Sam and the other boys up. You were right- They do know the forest better than we do. It was Sam who found her, so I owe you one… Yeah I’ll talk to you later,” he agreed, still sour, before hanging up.

He muttered to himself as he walked back in the living room.

“What’s wrong?” Bella’s voice startled us both. He hurried to her side.

“I’m sorry I woke you, honey.”

“Is something burning?”

“It's nothing,” he pushed some hair out of her face. “Just some bonfires out on the cliffs.”

“Bonfires?” I knew she wanted him to clarify, but there was no inflection in her voice. She didn’t even sound alive.

“Some kids from the reservation being rowdy,” He tried to explain, the irritation still in his voice.

“Why?” She pushed.

I could tell he didn’t want to answer, His eyes danced between her and the floor and over to me. “They’re celebrating the news.”

I let out a bitter laugh. Of course they were. I grew up around these people, but who cares about that. The vampires left town, what else did I expect the werewolves to do? Maybe I thought they’d be a bit more polite about their victory, but clearly I was wrong.

“Because the Cullens left,” Bella barely mumbled. “They don’t like the Cullens in La Push- I’d forgotten about that.”

I silently started to cry again. Neither of them noticed. I needed to stop thinking about them. The pain was nearly unbearable.

“It’s ridiculous,” Dad spluttered.

There was a long silence before he spoke again, “Bella?” Her eyes drift from the window behind me to his face. “He left you alone in the woods?”

“How did you know where to find me?” She deflected.

“Your note… When you didn’t come back, I called the Cullens and no one answered. Then I called the hospital, and Doctor Gerandy told me that Carlisle was gone.” His name still took my breath away. Bella’s eyes shot to me. I wiped away the tears that fell.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye .

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone.

“Where did he go?” Her eyes didn’t leave my face. I wasn’t sure who she was asking, but Dad answered.

“Edward didn’t tell you?” Bella winced, clearly in the same pain I was. Dad looked at me. I shrugged and shook my head. “Carlisle took a job with a big hospital in Los Angeles. I guess they threw a lot of money at him.”

I sighed, there was no way they really went to California. That was just the cover story.

“I want to know if Edward left you alone out there in the middle of the woods,” Dad insisted.

She grimaced again, shaking her head. “It was my fault. He left me right here on the trail, in sight of the house… but I tried to follow him.”

Teenagers… I shook my head. At least Carlisle had the sense to leave me in a public place. More pain shot through my chest.

Goodbye, Goodbye, Goodbye.

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone .

Dad tried to say something again. “I can’t talk about this anymore, Dad. I want to go to my room.” Then she shot off the couch and up the stairs.

“Y/n…” I looked at him, he hadn’t moved from the crouch. “Why would they just leave like this? Didn't they know how hard it would be on her?” I raised my eyebrows and his questioning. “And you. God, honey, I’m so sorry…”

I shrugged. There was some shuffling upstairs in Bella's room, I heard the creek of the floorboards, then silence.

“We should give her some space.” I mumbled.

“What about you?” His voice was soft, comforting almost.

“I… I don't know.” I barely recognized the monotonous drone mine had become.

“Space, then.”

I nodded “Space.” He moved to kiss my head, then sat back in the chair.

Without another word, I drifted upstairs to my own room. The door was cracked just a bit. I pushed it open slowly, as if I expected he would be in there.

He wasn’t; of course he wasn’t.

The polaroid Emmett took over the summer, of me and Carlisle dancing in the rain, was no longer on my bedside table. I shut the door behind me needing to lean against it for support. The weight of the day brought me to the floor.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

He’s gone, He’s gone, He’s. Gone .

Goodbye…

Part Two <3

Taglist

@jakanddexter67 @a-not-so-poetic-poet @bridge597 @cestlavie03 @gaymazinglula

(I know like two more people asked but I can't for the life of me find where, so if I left you out I'm so sorry and I will add you to the next one. <3)

#carlisle cullen x reader #twilight #twilight renessaince #carlisle cullen #im always in this twilight #twilight x reader #twilight fanfiction #arent we just terrified #new moon #screaming

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jasmines-library · 10 months

Text

Prompts List

I'm bored and want to write some more, so i've decided to make a list of prompts to jog some ideas. Please send in as many as you like (i need the inspo)

Fandoms I currently write for: Supernatural Star Wars The Lost Boys (1987) The Last Of Us The Witcher Game of Thrones DC if you want something else, feel free to ask and I'll give it a go.

Masterlist

(these are just rough category suggestions, you can use them for anything you like)

ANGSTY

1. "You said you'd never leave! You promised!"

2. "Where were you when I lost everything? You. Weren't. There."

3. "I don't want to hurt you."

4. "Did you really think you could undo what you've put me through?"

5. "Don't you dare let go!"

6. "I don't want to hurt you."

7. "I trusted you."

8. "You don't understand."

9. "I spent all of this time worrying about you and you didn't even think about me once!"

10. "I wish I had never trusted you"/"I wish you had never trusted me"

11. "Don't abandon me like everyone else."

12. "You said you'd never leave! You promised!"

13. "Don't make this harder than it already is."

14. "forgive me for what i'm about to do."

15. "you're not the same person I met all that time ago."

16. "I'm sorry. None of this should have happened. This is all my fault."

17. "You were dead... I watched you die."

18. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

19. "why do you do this to yourself?"

20. "It's been days. We have to consider the possibility that they're not coming back."

21. "Stop yelling at me!" "This is your fault."/"It's not my fault."

22. "I don't want to shoot you but I will if you don't move. Step aside."

23. "Over my dead body." "I can arrange that."

24. "I can't do this anymore." “You don't have a choice."

25. "Please don't make me choose."

26. "I'm sorry, I tried, I really did."

27. "Can't i come with you?" "You know you can't"

28. "I'm sorry. I did what I had to."

29. " Don't. Stop this ____. You're better than this."

30. "I trusted you. With Everything."

31. "I did it because I had to. Not because I wanted to."

32. "I told you not to get too close to me."

HURT/COMFORT/WHUMP

33. "Who did this to you?"

34. "No more. Please."

35. "Hey, Hey look at me! you're gonna be okay."

36. "Don't you dare close your eyes."

37. "Stay with me"

38. "I've got you."

39. "Just hold on a little longer."

40. "Just please...please stay with me."

41. "You're safe. They can't hurt you here."

42. "Let me go."

43. "Don't leave me now. Please. I still need you."

44. "Don't touch them!"

45. "Hurt me instead "

46. "I'm sorry, I tried, I really did."

47. "Don't let them win."

48. "I hurt people. It's all I'm good at."

49. "I did something terrible"

50. comforting them after a nightmare

51. "You were crying, weren't you?"

52. "Touch her, and you're dead."

FLUFF

53. "I love you" "I know"

54. "I can't stop thinking about you."

55. "I'll never let you go."

56. "What took you so long? I missed you."

57. "I'm asking because I've seen the way you look at me"

58. "You know you love me."

59. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you."

60. "You're perfect."

61. "I'm the luckiest person in the world."

62. "Can I stay with you tonight?"

63. "I'm so proud of you."

64. "Shut up and kiss me."

65. "I love you. Never forget that okay?"

66. "You grow more and more beautiful each day."

67. "Dance with me."

68. "I don't care that you're sick."

69. "I wouldn't change a thing about you"

70. "When this is all over, I don't want us to go separate ways."

71. "You're so cute when you're mad."

72. falling asleep together

73. facing a fear

74. Taking care of sick s/o

75. hugs from behind

76. placing a kiss on their forehead.

77. seeing each other again after a long time apart.

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cerberuscaeli · 2 years

Text

I just need to rant, it will be unter the cut, so you can just ignore it if you don't want to read it. But also a quick thing, my next fic will be either an Xiao or Childe fic (or maybe Kaeya? Let me know which character you would prefer.) And will be a pretty self indulgant fic bc I need it. It'll be a bit angsty with some comfort, but I just need to figure out which char I want to pair up with. It will be about a reader that has difficulties sitting still and normally doesn't really get bothered by it until someone says something about it and reader gets insecure and the paired character being sweet and all comforting etc. ♡

Rant under the read more button. (You can just scroll away if you don't want to read it.)

I'll add dates to it to make it a bit clear.

Anyways, so thursday 16 June I had to let a CT scan taken for my lower jaw. I have a wisdom teeth that is growing wrongly and they needed pictures for the operation because the wisdom teeth is near a nerve and if it goes wrong I can lose feeling in my lower lip.

So, I am someone that cannot lay still or sit still. I always need something in my hands to fumble with, wether it is when I am walking, or when in class, if I don't have anything in my hands to fumble with I keep bouncing my legs or just keep changing positions I am sitting in.

Anyways, so I had to take that scan and needed to lay still for it. It normally doesn't take long. I had to do it 3 freaking times!! The first time the iron piece of my mask was on it so they had to take it away. Second time I apparantly swallowed when the picture got taken, swallowing also got count as movement (and the entire time I tried to lay still, but I kept getting twitches in my legs and head from forcing myself to lay still.)

So, the doctor taking those scans walked up to me, placed my head back right and I tried to keep the sticks in my mouth but not biting on it. (Idk why they gave me sticks to put under my teeth, probably to get a certain angle of my jaw.) And well I was already starting to panic, tears welling in my eyes but the doctor would tell me when I could swallow and when not.

So 3rd round finished and she told me I was done and did well and I once again told her I found it very difficult bc I can't lay still. Anyways, it was done and I could go home.

Friday 17th June we got a call from the hospital apparantly I had also moved on the 3rd!! round of taking the scan picture, I bursted out in crying!! I tried so hard to lay still only to hear it wasn't good and the soonest I could take a new scan would be end June.

So, I was in tears so my mom called around mainly to ask if I still could get my wisfom teeth get removed. Even when it would be just 1 or 2 out of those 4. They told me they would call back on Monday, June 20. My operation is supposed to be on Wednesday June 22.

My wisdom teeth have been hurting like a bitch since November 2021, we got me a dentist appointment somewhere on January 2022, and I got a scan in April and got the operation planned for this month. (For that scan I had to olace my chin on a holder and then the devide would turn around me. I once again had a hard time keeping my head still and to not move.)

And in the whole meantime the communication between the hospital and us sucked as fuck. They had papers for the CT scan but we didn't know anything about it!

Anyways, back to today (June 17.) I made an appointment with my doctor, luckily being able to go today and we told about everything that happened and how annoying and insecure it all made me. We talked about what it could be, if it could be of my medication I take for my epilepsy or if we should test me on ADHD, but then my doctor went all sweet!!

She asked me what I would get if I took the test and I said "Just a label," where she responded on that I said that well and she told me that I was just me. That those ticks (she called it them) were a part of me. That it is who I am and no one should say differently and that it was wrong from the hospital to act like that etc. And that it doesn't matter if I am a more of a restless or nervous person because that is what makes me 'me', and she for sure boosted my confidence back up, I'm so gratefull for that!!

Of course it still haunts me and is literally keeping me awake, even though my doctor is totally right, my ticks are a part of me. Not being able to sit still is a part of me. It's who I am. But well, knowing that it did mess up the 3 tries of the scan still weighs heavily on me.

I just hope the operantion can happen as I have been going through hell with the pain for months. I even took antibiotics twice! I'm just so done with it and just needed to get it off my chest.

So, lots of cookies to anyone that readnit ♡♡

#genshin impact x reader #childe x fem!reader #childe x reader #rant post #kaeya alberich #kaeya x reader #kaeya x fem!reader #xiao x reader #xiao x fem!reader #childe tartagalia #tartaglia x fem!reader #one shot #genshin x reader

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casitafallz-a · 2 years

Text

Okay, i have a few ideas of AU Luisa for my group but i don’t know which one works for me rn so i need your help!! Now, i won’t do anything with MC deaths, or Abuela being completely unreasonable

Luisa wasn’t given a gift as a child so grows up with Mirabel, also wasn’t given a gift either but does her best to work hard. She has a secret boyfriend, who helped her with looking after some of the town animals, like the donkeys but he gifted her with a set of metallic cuffs he had found for her 17th birthday which did grant her super strength (and other abilities). They did wind up sleeping together which resulted him getting her pregnant. Due to being new at using strength, she accidently hurt him which resulted in people believing her new ‘gift’ was dangerous. When the pregnancy was found out, her then-ex was unwilling to marry her and rather than face her family with the options; fearing Abuela would kick her out or force her to give the baby up, Luisa ran away. the cuffs brought her to the attention of the Watchers.

Luisa got her gift at 5 and lived a canon-life up until she was 18, where she first experienced her gift acting up which caused her to drop the bridge she was carrying which injured a few people, which shadowed doubt onto the family’s magic. Luisa didn’t know why her gift started to change but the more she worried about it the issues continued; no longer able to hold buildings for too long. It got to the point that the coming and going posed risks to the villagers when she attempted to help; people were too scared to ask incase she dropped something or hurt anyone else. Abuela eventually forced Luisa to stop villager work. Luisa heard whispers that could be damaging so she decided to go off camping on her own to clear her head and to give the town a chance to calm down. Luisa got lost but she found herself a strange set of cuffs that seemed to...’fix’ her strength issues, but the cuffs brough her to the attention of the Watchers who recruited her into their services.

When Luisa was 17, she accidently hurt Abuela with her gift when she got into an argument about wanting to spend time with a boy (wanting a boyfriend) or friends when Abuela wanted her to focus her attention to her community. It was a small swing, waving her arm and packed no real punch if she had normal strength; she didn’t realise Abuela had walked so close behind her until she turned and waved; knocking Abuela off her feet and hit a wall hard. Julieta was able to fix her up but Luisa, like the family was horrified by what had occurred. After that, Luisa’s gift began to fail but that didn’t bother her much as she accepted the punishment for her actions. She didn’t want to hurt anyone but she had and she knew Abuela was not someone who could bounce back easily, even with magical food. After her initial punishments were done, she was still heavily restricted and some of the family were weary of her, and some fearful. Luisa was no longer allowed near Abuela or Antonio. One night about 9 months after the event, after overhearing Abuela and Pepa talking about her, Luisa decided to leave Encanto than risk them or have them paranoid around her. She packed up in the middle of the night and left, leaving Mirabel her stuffed donkey plush. Dolores said nothing, by Luisa’s request. It took an entire day for Julieta to notice. Luisa was recruited by the Watcher Au for one reason or another (tbd)

Luisa was kidnapped when she was 7 out of Encanto but used her strength to escape into the wilderness of the jungle. She was found by passing Watcher Serves who decided to bring her to the Watcher AU where she was raised by the Watcher family and grew up in the paramilitary organisation and helped with the rest of those in service. She was told the truth when she was 15 years old and given the option to return but hasn’t yet made the choice to return.

feel free to suggest an an Angsty AU that leads for Luisa to leaving her family. Rules: No MC deaths, or permanent banishment by Abuela.

#🃯 < | ᵗʰᵉ ᵐᵘᶰ ᵇᵉʰᶤᶰᵈ ᵗʰᵉ ˢᶜʳᵉᵉᶰ ( ooc )#luisa madrigal #encanto au #encanto #julieta madrigal #isabela madrigal #mirabel madrigal #agustin madrigal #agustín madrigal #bruno madrigal #camilo madrigal #pepa madrigal #felix madrigal #antonio madrigal #dolores madrigal #alma madrigal

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enigmatic-mystery-777 · 7 months

Text

20 questions for writers!

Thanks @ellie--eille

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

thirty four (34)

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

Wh...like...all of the word counts of my THIRTY FOUR works combined?? You want me to do MATH??? *sighs* okay hold on

260,727

I'm gonna be so upset if I misunderstood what this was asking for lmao

Edit: Ellie showed me the easy way of finding the total word count and, like, nobody fudgin told me before that Ao3 has a statistics section! Y'all. 🙄

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now soley SG1. I dabbled once in SPN

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

*All of these are from my Supernatural fandom days and no, I don't remember what any of these were about lmao I don't even remember writing them

In first place, at 128 kudos (wtf): The Second Chance

Second at 114 kudos: When Fate Strikes

Third, 63 kudos: That one Leap Of Faith

Fourth, 55 kudos: I Only Ever Wanted You

And lastly, 53 kudos: The Beauty Of Snow Globes

5. Do you respond to comments?

A l w a y s; though I don't always know what to say

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

All of my fics have happy endings. Sorry, I'm a fluff person, I hate angsty endings with a passion lmao That's not to judge those who do like those types of stories by the way, OR those that write them! I just have a hard enough time with my depression as is, I need happy content to balance it out

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

...all of them? Lmao The problem here is I really don't remember, like, any of them, even the ones I've recently written so... heh. Sorry.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't so far. That I recall, anyway.

9. Do you write smut?

*Giggles and clears throat* well, see, I didn't before but something's changed because of Daniel, he's an entirely new experience for me in my history of hyperfixations, and now I can't seem to stop writing smut. I don't know why he's different, but he is. I hate that it's really fun lol

10. Do you wrote crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

My brain has a hard enough time handling one universe at a time, I think I'd just get confused trying to cross any over, but I do appreciate and respect all those that do write crossovers; y'all are incredible.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Given how AO3, unlike Inkitt, does not protect against the copy/paste option, I'm sure someone somewhere stole something of mine. I'm not too upset about it, everything on AO3 is just for fun anyway. All my serious stuff is locked down proper.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I think I have one time, by someone who wanted it available in their language. I forget which fic it was, though I do know it was back in my SPN days.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

I have not, but I have leaned upon @ellie--eille for the first smut piece I ever wrote for SG1, which was a big step for me and I'm so grateful that it turned out so incredible. I still appreciate her help so much <3

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

Daniel Jackson x reader, ngl; I'm having SO much fun with it

but also Daniel Jackson x Cam (I don't know why, though, cos we don't get as much content with them as we did with Daniel Jackson x Jack O'Neill; guess the heart wants what it wants)

Look, I can't pick just ONE, okay?? Lmao

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My original novel "Out Of Time". Book one is complete and I'm very slowly editing it, but book two is stuck on their honeymoon and I cant, for the life of me, seem to get past it :(

16. What are your writing strengths?

Fluff, 100%. Anything cutesy and emotional and happy and sweet. Stuff that makes someone swoon and feel like they're melting, stuff that makes them smile and hopefully giggle.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Literally everything else lmao That, and, I never studied grammar, cos honestly it's the most confusing shit in the world for me, so my grammar is likely atrocious. But, like, if you can read it, and you can understand it, and you can enjoy it, does it really matter??

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

That is extremely tricky and I usually avoid it. Because unless you know all the slang and grammar rules and stuff, you might accidentally be saying something you never meant to say and/or you might insult someone who's native to that language :/

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Supernatural

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Ooh. Uhm. Honestly, it's a tie now between When Fate Strikes (SPN; I remember that being a big deal when I was writing it) and The Things We Don't Know (Stargate SG1) that I'm working on now.

This was a lot of fun!! I don't really remember who's a writer on here and who's not so if you see this and you write, please partake! Questions to copy are below the cut:

20 questions for writers!

Thanks @

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you wrote crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

#ask games!!!#writing ask games!#I'm so excited!#I never get ones about my writing or fandoms!!! EIK!#I love all ask games though <3 #^_^

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outerbankies · 3 years

Note

You know how teenager rafe is gonna just be spiralling over reader going to prom with someone else? I’m going to cry cause like he’s a baby and he doesn’t know why he has these feeling for this one person that he’s always kind of orbited around?? And he knows she’s it for him but only deep down cause he’s trying to figure so much out and how could you know who you’re going to end up with at the age of 17 let alone 10 or 12 but he’s always known and aaaaah imagine that kind of love

an angsty little pre-series prom blurb partially inspired by this ^ ask that made me spiralll. thanks anon i hope u like this!

—

new light blurb: before we knew — rafe cameron

new light series masterlist

obv takes place pre-series in high school! referenced in part 1

warnings: underage drinking

“Top, it’s not fucking funny.”

“It’s kinda fucking funny, Y/n/n. Like, way more than a little.”

Rafe had ditched the last fifteen minutes of statistics when he finished his test early today, and he’d been messing around on his phone for ten minutes waiting for the rest of you to come and get in Topper’s Jeep so you could all go to lunch off-campus today.

Rafe stands up straight from where he’d been leaning against the hood when he hears your voice approaching, his smile matching yours once you see him. “Hey, Rafe. How did your stats test go?”

“Good, hey, Y/n. What’s not funny?” he asks, opening the passenger side door for you before sliding into the backseat behind you.

“Oh, get this, Rafe,” Topper says, laughing. You just groan again, clicking your seatbelt on. “Griffin is gonna ask Y/n to prom. Tomorrow.”

Rafe blanches. “Griffin?”

He knew Griffin thought you were hot. Certainly had to hear it enough times in the pool at practice every day. Rafe always found himself biting back a remark—well, almost always. As captain, Rafe was able to tell everyone to run another play whenever he felt like it. The extra exertion in the pool was nothing compared to having to tread water and hear his teammate talk about you like that.

But even after all of that, he still had no idea Griffin had the balls to actually make a move on you. Because Rafe could tell you’d seriously rather die than ever give Griffin the time of day. And Griffin had been pursuing you without luck for months, even though you’d been trying to gently show you weren’t interested. Half of the time, Rafe wished you'd just tell him to fuck off.

The other half of the time, Rafe was considering just doing it for you.

Rafe clears his throat after his outburst, a finger digging into a hole in his jeans. “How do you know?”

“He just told me in PE,” Topper says. “He said he has this huge banner, and speakers, and he’s gonna do it at lunch right in the middle of the quad—”

“Topper.” You cut him off a bit more seriously this time; Rafe can hear the shift in your tone. You've always hated being anywhere close to the center of attention, getting embarrassed by the smallest things others wouldn’t even think about. If Griffin actually knew anything about you the way Rafe does, he’d know you wouldn’t like something big and flashy. “Can you stop?”

“Hey, cut it out, Top,” Rafe is saying immediately. Topper just rolls his eyes, but Rafe doesn’t care. “You okay?”

“Yeah, Rafe,” you say, smiling over your shoulder at him. “M’fine.”

“Do you want me to tell Griffin to—”

Topper laughs from the driver’s seat, clearing his throat to cover it up when you look over at him. You look back at Rafe, and his heart breaks at the worry in your face. “Don’t, Rafe.”

“Are you gonna say yes?”

“No,” you immediately laugh, looking at him like the idea is preposterous.

“Oh c’mon, Y/n/n. Can’t say no to him in front of all those people,” Topper teases. “And where the fuck is Kelce? I’m starving.”

“You’re right,” you sigh. “I don’t wanna embarrass him. I’ll just find him after school today and tell him I’m going with Kelce.”

Topper’s eyes widen, Rafe catches it in the rearview mirror before he hurriedly looks away. Rafe clears his throat, settling back into his seat from where he’d been leaning into the front space to talk with you. “You—uh, are you actually going with Kelce?”

“Yeah,” you nod, distracted by your phone. “We said we’d go together if we didn’t find dates. Kelce didn’t really wanna ask anyone after what happened last summer. And after nearly being set up with Top last night, I’m about ready to throw in the towel.“

Rafe looks to his friend that sits in the driver’s seat, who's looking straight at his lap, the back of his neck bright red. “Wait, you two?”

“It was just our parents, dude. Went to dinner at the club last night and our moms brought it up,” Topper mumbles. You giggle at the idea, completely unaware of the energy in the car right now.

“Yeah, sorry, Thornton. But no thanks. You and Emily should be really cute, though,” you say earnestly, patting his shoulder.

Topper just stares straight ahead. “Thanks, Y/n/n.”

“And then this thing with Griffin—I’m just so over the idea of finding an actual date at this point,” you sigh. “Plus, I know Kelce won’t put up a fight about the color scheme. I’m thinking like, aqua. Or maybe pink? I don't think I'd look good in gold.”

You'll look good in absolutely anything, and Rafe will just have to watch you from across the floor of the Island Club, while Kelce twirls you around the dance floor or holds you close during a slow dance.

The guy in question opens the car door and slides into the backseat next to Rafe right then, sighing as he slides his backpack off. “Sorry guys, coach stopped me in the hall. Where are we eating?”

Rafe glares at him.

“I want a smoothie,” you declare from the front seat.

“Fine with me,” Topper nods, pulling out of his parking spot. “Guys?”

“Can we go to that place with the deli next door? I’m so hungry,” Kelce says.

“Yeah, I like their açaí bowls,” you say, twisting around to look at Rafe one more time. He must not be able to hide his emotions as much as he thought, because your smile drops when you see him. “Rafe? Does that sound good?”

He turns his body to look out the window, eyes flicking back to yours one last time. “Not hungry.”

—

Rafe meets Topper and Kelce at the dock later that night, the three of them intending to get drunk and maybe take Topper’s boat out if they felt like it.

Kelce is already there by the time Rafe pulls up, drinking a beer with Topper while they laugh at something on his phone.

And Rafe paces right down the dock, snatches Kelce’s phone out of his hand, and pushes him off the platform and into the water.

“Rafe, dude,” Topper says, immediately pushing him back by his chest.

“What the fuck?” Kelce sputters, spitting out water as he surfaces and climbs the ladder back up. “What is your fucking problem?”

“You couldn’t ask literally fucking anyone else? It had to be Y/n?” Rafe says, laughing indignantly. He looks down at where Topper is still keeping them separated. “And you—what the fuck—”

“I told you, man. It was just our moms. We didn’t even consider it,” Topper says, rolling his eyes.

“You both lied to me,” Rafe accuses. “Because you knew I’d be mad.”

“And why’s that, Rafe?” Kelce spits, reaching around Topper to try and push at his chest. “Why are you mad? Not like you were gonna ask her.”

“No,” Rafe says immediately. And he isn’t even lying; it’d never crossed his mind as a possibility. Which is why he can’t even begin to try and work out why he’s this upset about it. He didn’t do anything to stop this, but it’s still happening, and it’s making him crazy. “You know my dad’s making me take Reagan since we’re both on prom court.”

“That’s what I thought,” Kelce grumbles. “I was gonna tell you.”

“When?”

“Soon, I just—we made the plan so long ago, bro. Neither of us wanted to worry about dates… but I gave it time because I thought you might—I dunno,” Kelce trails off, shrugging. “I dunno.”

“Thought I might what?”

“Figure your shit out and ask her yourself,” Topper says, coming back from the boathouse with a towel that he passes to Kelce.

“Even if I could, Y/n/n would never say yes to me,” Rafe scoffs, shaking his head and reaching for the six-pack they were working through.

Topper scoffs back. “Oh, yeah ri—”

“Guess we’ll never know,” Kelce says, cutting him off while he dumps the water out of his shoes. He sighs at his soaked clothes before he looks back up at Rafe. “You know I’m not into her right? We’re just going as friends. It’s senior prom.”

“Why would I care what you’re going as?” Rafe says, shifting in discomfort, hand clutching his already-half-empty beer can a little tighter. “None of it even matters.”

“Whatever you wanna tell yourself, bro,” Kelce sighs, grabbing his phone out of Rafe’s hand and pushing past him to go change.

—

“Nice taste, Y/l/n.”

You whirl around from where you’d been adjusting Kelce’s boutonnière (you’d only pricked him twice, which was a personal record for you) at the sound of Rafe’s voice, plastering on a smile before you face him. Your eyes drop to his attire immediately. “Oh shit, Rafe. We match.”

“I know,” he laughs. “My step-mom wants a picture.”

You furrow your eyebrows, shifting in your heels, the tule of your dress suddenly itchy against your legs. “Um. Shouldn’t you take one with Reagan?”

“We already took a million. From every angle. With every possible fucking pose,” Rafe sighs. “C’mon, please? Before the limo comes.”

Rafe grabs your hand and you look back at Kelce who just nods, downing some champagne. “Take care of my date, Cameron.”

You can see Rafe just shake his head where you trail behind him, leading you back to where Rose is talking to one of the other moms. “There you are. Your dress is beautiful! I wish we'd found one like that for Reagan. It looks great with Rafe's tuxedo.”

“Uh, yeah. It's nice to see you, Mrs. Cameron,” you say politely, ignoring the last half of what she said completely. She pulls up her phone and Rafe’s bringing you into his side, his hand resting in the middle of your back.

“This okay?” he murmurs, his breath fanning over your neck as he leans down.

“Yep,” you say quickly, but you can’t help but look around and catch multiple of your friends watching you, including Reagan, who promptly rolls her eyes once you make eye contact with her.

“Y/n, sweetie, just a few pictures for the newsletter,” Rose says, reminding you of your purpose right now.

“Right, sorry,” you say.

“Hey,” Rafe whispers. You look up at him, feeling his hand bring you closer to his body. “Take this a little more seriously, Y/l/n. Don’t you know that the next issue of the Island Club newsletter will be completely ruined without this one specific photo, that will probably be squished into the corner of a terribly- edited collage?”

You laugh in surprise, hitting him on his chest for joking about his step-mom right in front of her. “Rafe. Be nice.”

He just grins down at you, before straightening up and turning back to the camera. “If I’m nice, will you save a dance for me later tonight?”

You’re glad he’s not looking at you anymore, because then he’d see the way your smile faltered before you turn back to the camera as well. “Sure.”

—

“How is my flask empty?” Kelce groans, tipping it over and shaking it out for emphasis.

“That’s what happens when you drink it all, bud,” you laugh, patting his shoulder. He rolls his eyes at you, linking his arm in yours as you both pass through the crowd to find Topper and his date, Emily. You all watch Rafe up on stage, waiting to inevitably be crowned prom king.

He was a shoo-in anyway, but you’d definitely distracted your English teacher with a conversation about the 1984 essay you just turned in while Topper and Kelce stuffed the ballot box he was meant to be guarding.

Rafe seemed like he couldn’t care less about stuff like prom court, just shaking his head when his name was announced over the speaker as a nominee three weeks ago at lunch.

And he’d dragged his feet through finding a date, just shrugging whenever you brought it up to him, prying partially for your own sake.

You couldn’t figure out why he seemed so averse to the entire event, but you supposed that was better than having to hear him go on and on about Reagan and how he asked her and what corsage he bought for her and if he was bringing her to after-prom—or anything else that would’ve dragged up some feelings you thought you’d firmly buried at this point, telling yourself for years that you never stood a chance with Rafe.

But the closer graduation got, the more you’ve been realizing that things with your friends would never be the same. Things with Rafe would never be the same.

“Kildare Academy, your prom king is Rafe Cameron,” the DJ says, snapping you out of your thoughts. Kelce and Topper cheer obnoxiously while you laugh, a little grateful they’re both drunk and distracted—so happy their plan worked (Rafe subtly flips them off behind his back as he’s crowned) that they can’t notice the way your shoulders slump as Rafe leads Reagan, just crowned queen, out to the middle of the dance floor while some Ed Sheeran song starts playing through the speakers. You’d roll your eyes at the terrible music selection if that was what you could focus on.

All you could focus on was wondering if Rafe would even remember that you promised him a dance tonight.

Kelce is dramatically bringing you into his arms as the prom court dance takes place, subtly turning you around so your back faces the stage and the court, smiling as he holds your waist. “C’mon, dance with me.”

—

Rafe’s letting go of Reagan as soon as the song ends and everybody cheers, dashing off to the DJ booth after telling her he’d be back in a bit. She merely shrugged before adjusting her crown and going off to some friends.

“Hey man, can I pull some prom king privilege right now?” he says, leaning in to speak into the guys’ ear. “I have a song request.”

“Playlist is set, approved by the school,” he says dismissively.

“Thought you might say that,” Rafe grumbles, reaching into his breast pocket before he can take the time to wonder if he’s really going to do this—if he’s really going to bribe the DJ to play a song by your favorite band before he goes to cash in on that dance together that you’d promised.

He hands him a crisp hundred.

The DJ sighs, snatching it out of his hand and pocketing it while Rafe smirks in victory. “Alright, what song, country club?”

And then it's practically a race to find you before the Kid Cudi remix currently playing ends. Rafe heads off in the direction where Topper and Kelce had been yelling when he was on stage, evening his pace when he spots you jumping around with Kelce, your dress fanning around you while you laugh, the string lights illuminating your face.

You’re smiling so big that it stops Rafe in his tracks.

Guys had always shown interest in you, and you turned most of them down. Not all of them; Rafe still had to see you with guys who absolutely did not deserve you giving them the time of day, sometimes at parties or maybe at the Club. Rafe could usually lie to himself, write off these feelings as some protectiveness over you, a nice girl who’d been a good friend to him his entire life. Rafe was protective of all the people he held close in his life, why wouldn’t he look out for you, too?

But something must have changed, because now—now Rafe’s looking at you, and he knows time is running out before you both set off on your futures. He has three weeks of school left with you, then a summer of seeing you around. And then... that's it.

And now he’s looking at you, those feelings less and less ignorable with every single second closer Rafe gets to not having you around him every day anymore.

Those feelings are crowding every corner of his mind, finally coming to the surface after all of the drama with prom dates had forced Rafe to wonder why he couldn’t stand you going with Griffin or Topper or Kelce. Couldn’t stand thinking about you ever being with someone that wasn’t him—a reality he knows he’d have to get used to you a lot quicker than it took him to even realize he’d fallen for you.

Because the future’s coming, and maybe in the future you actually end up with someone like Griffin, or Mateo, or that guy from the party that one time, or that touron from New England that your parents tried to set you up with, some hotshot you brought home from California after a semester, or Kelce—even Topper. Your parents would love that one. And one day in this future, you’re running into Rafe on the soccer field; your kids play for the same team together. Rafe ended up settling for someone he could never like half as much as he loved you, and he sees you across the field with a sweater tied around your shoulders, chatting with all of the other moms. The lucky asshole you finally chose just watches you the way Rafe always had, the way he is now as you dance with his best friend, the way Rafe will probably never be able to stop himself from doing.

Or maybe there's another future without you, where you move away to somewhere that suits you; the Outer Banks had never good enough for you, in his mind. Maybe you stay in California after school. And you bring home that hotshot that’s perfectly matched for you, who gets to hold you and kiss you and have you. Rafe only gets to see you every once in a while, when you decide to grace the Outer Banks with your presence for the holidays or for Midsummers. Maybe in this scenario, Rafe was never able to find someone else, maybe he shows up solo while you flash your engagement ring when the old crew gets together for drinks—no, you wouldn’t do that. You’d be absolutely smitten with whoever won your heart, showing the ring he got you to your girl friends with an embarrassed little smile pulling at your lips while they all gush over it. And maybe one of your friends jokes about how Rafe used to have a crush on you. You'll just laugh and shrug it off, nodding—because you knew all along. Of course you knew, everyone had to know at this point. And Rafe can picture you merely laughing at his feelings for you as the other guy gets to pull you closer on his lap.

The opening chords of your song snap him out of his reverie. He can see the exact moment you realize what song it is.

Rafe beelines for you, holding his hand out as soon as he’s in your vicinity, fully pretending he hadn’t just realized he’s fallen for one of his closest friends in the middle of prom. Like he hadn't realized that he wasn't just into you, didn't just think you were cute or like the way you made him feel when you remembered his stats tests or wore his shirt to his water polo games. Like he hadn't just realized that no matter how many times he'd told himself it didn't bother him that much that you'd never come close to giving him the time of day, that he'd never forget what it felt like to not even be on your radar.

“You promised me a dance, Y/n.”

You look at him and his outstretched hand and smile, then look back to Kelce, who's quickly letting you out of his arms, casting an accusatory glance at Rafe. But then he smiles a little. “I'm gonna hit the restrooms.”

“Too bad our one dance is gonna be to a song by a band you hate,” you laugh, accepting Rafe's hand. Rafe’s on autopilot, his hands resting on your lower back while yours move to his chest, swaying the two of you in little circles. The song is already through with the first verse.

“I don’t hate this band,” he lies. But maybe it’s not a lie—how could he hate anything you loved?

“Okay, prom king,” you laugh, fiddling with his pocket square a little, the one that matches your dress. “Still can’t believe we ended up matching.”

“Great minds, Y/l/n,” he shrugs, eyes trained on your face. Your hands slip up around his shoulders, and you nudge the plastic crown on his head before leaving your arms to rest there, fingers locked behind his neck. Rafe pulls you closer. The second chorus was already starting up. Time was running out.

“I’m not sure what the optics are of our matching and you leaving the prom queen to come dance with your friend,” you say, your small smile turning into a frown. “Reagan already seemed pissed earlier.”

“Don’t worry about her,” Rafe says. “It’s just you and me right now.”

“When we go off to college, I think I might just miss you, Cameron,” you say, smiling.

And Rafe might not ever get to tell you how he feels, or ever be with you the way he wants to, but at least he got to dance with you at his senior prom.

“I know I'm gonna miss you.”

—

@moniamaybank @downbytheouterbanks @littlementalpolaroids @fangirlvoice @chicagoblackhawkslover96 @pogueslandia @loveylangdon @oopsiedoopsie23 @sodasback @rafeseggplant @cooper8224 @rafeyybabyy @lemur46 @cameronsrafe @theepoguelandia @judayyyw @irlpadfoot @synonymforlame @tinawhynot @mildkleptomaniac @ilymarkchan @sofiatheseconf @hockeyshmockey @supersouthy @coffeeandcrimeshows @emptyloverofmine @infinitleyethereal @nerdypartytrashpsychic @mrs-cameron @tcmhollnd @nicavass @sakikos @catonthesideoftheroad @jemimah-b99 @serrendipiity @depressinq @svechnibrock @julianakawaja @ctrlcherries @lostaurorax @wildflower98 @babygirl2022 @lieswithoutfairytales @painlesslies @messagesinthesky @orrsoared @destourtereaux @sammywilscn @tylernagle @anonymousobxfan @lilacsandwhiskey @raphaelcameron @mardema @princesspogue @alwaysclassyeagle @brittlehe-art @drewswrld

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weasleypogues · 3 years

Text

help (r.c)

request: hiiii! can i please request a rafe x reader where both the reader and rafe consider going to therapy (mostly for rafe’s own good) but the reader loves him too much that she’s willing to put time money energy and effort in their relationship. You can choose the ending, it can either help rafe get better mentally or can completely be a waste!! I’ll leave it up to you! Thank you so much! I’m so excitedddd

masterlist.

part 2!!

warnings: angst!!!!!, therapy, mental health, substance abuse

you had this empty feeling in your chest. you could see the dying look in his eyes and the slight bags under his eyes. rafe looked burnt out, definitely more than usual.

when you two got together you figured it was his partying habits and the clear pressure he got from himself and everyone as his father was ward cameron. but his stature was just as telling that it was something more. his pride, ego, and reputation were always on the line.

“can you let me in?” you asked him softly, taking his limp hands into yours. he sat on the floor with his back to his bed, using the bed as a shield from the door. “i just want to know what’s going on up there...”

you saw his jaw clench and he squeezed his eyes shut, whether that was his way of keeping things in or pushing their way to get out it was straining on him. you sat on your knees and took his head in your arms so it would lay on your chest. you cradled him, hoping this would help control his breathing and his thought proccess.

“rafe...my love. you have a lot going on within you and it isn’t fair to yourself to have to go through this battle alone. maybe you could talk to someone? we could talk to someone. i’ll be with you every step of the way or let you do this on your own. whatever you want. it just pains me to see you struggle and i can’t imagine how extremely tolling this is on you and your relationships with others.”

“with others?” he finally muttered out in a harsh tone that seemed more offended rather than defensive. you pulled away from him and tilted your head slightly, staring softly into his eyes.

“i just mean that, things used to be different. you aren’t at fault but wouldn’t it be nice to have just a fun and chill night with the guys again? or do something with wheeze? she’s young and i can tell shes concerned for you, whether she’ll say it or not. you’re her older brother.” you explained, rubbing your thumb back and forth on his hand.

you could see his eyes darting back and forth along the molding on his wall, his thought proccess obviously taking control. you took a slight breath, patience was what he needed at this time. you bit the inside of your lip, i want to be able to do more for him.

“i know it’s a hard conclusion to come to, but i’ll be with you the entire time. money and time is not a problem.” you spoke softly and quietly. overstimulating with a loud and aggressive tone in this moment was not a good idea. you felt that you were on a good roll with his emotions controlled right now rather than him lashing out.

you glanced back at his eyes and saw that they were darted into one spot on the ground, no longer taking this course along his wall.

“so what (y/n)...you’re saying i’m the problem?” he basically spat back. you felt your heart sink as you knew this was not going to end well and this conversation was taken of it’s course.

“not at all, rafe. my main priority is you and your happiness.” you responded, soflty. your hands made their way to cup his cheeks and crane his head to look at you. you glanced at his left eye, down to his lips, and back up to his right one in hopes of calming him down. “i love you.”

you could see his eyelids become less strained and go back to a natural state. “i love you too.’ you pulled him in for a kiss, letting your hands go to the back of his head and run through the tufts of his hair at the base of his neck.

you both pulled away simultaneously and you helped him off the ground. he stood tall, regaining that tough guy stature which made your heart flutter. you went on the tips of your toes and placed a kiss on his cheek.

“how about you head home, get dolled up, and i’ll pick you up for some ice cream in town?” rafe asked, running his hands through his hair and fixing up his appearence in the mirror. a smile made it’s way onto your face and you nodded.

“oh a date? say less.” you answered and giggled, heat creeping to your cheeks. you planted one more kiss on his lips before grabbing your things and heading home.

----------

you sat on the edge of your bed in a nice sundress and sandals, texting rafe.

ready whenever!! 8:06

did you leave yet? 8:30

hello?? did you forget the plans that you made??? call me 8:48

after countless more calls, you decided to take action and grab your keys to head to his house. he couldn’t just bail on plans that he made less than three hours ago. it’s not like he forgot.

you felt the familiar bumps in his driveway as you pulled up behind his car parked in front of his front door. you also spotted up ahead another car. no fucking way topper and kelce are here right now. you glanced down at your phone and saw it read 9:17. hopping out of your car, you could basically feel the bass of music under your feet.

your eyes, with the help of your ears, came to the conclusion the music was coming from the druthers out on the water and you saw countless heads and lights. you felt your jaw clench as you marched your way over to the dock to take that timely walk down to the boat. inviting yourself onto the boat, you had to excuse yourself past some other kooks as you caught toppers eyes.

his eyes spoke for themselves. disappointment but also guilt. you slightly shook your head out of annoyance and even found your heart rate speed up a little more than it was.

you opened a door that lead you to inside and was oddly not shocked at the sight you saw in front of yourself. that head of golden hair that you loved so much was face first into the table with a rolled up twenty between his finger tips, sliding across the table. kelce saw you immediately and hit rafe on the chest with the back of his hand.

you weren’t sure if the lump in your throat was anger or hurt. you were allowed to feel both so you just went with that. rafe wiped the tip of his nose as his eyes saw yours.

those blue eyes that you loved waking up to some mornings were being taken over by his extremely dialated pupils from the coke and glossed over from the liquor. kelce and the other girl clearly felt uncomfortable and made their way out to the back deck as quick as possible.

rafe let out a chuckle that seemed mixed with a scoff as a smirk rolled across his face. “you can’t help me. so lose the idea sweetheart.”

you redirected your gaze to literally anywhere else on the boat right now as the sight of him hurt too much. that empty feeling in your chest came back from earlier along with the dying look in his eyes. tears burned your eyes, brushing them as quick as they came.

you wiped the remaining coke off the table in front of him, ignoring his surprised outburts and made a b-line to the door. you didn’t even look back at him.

“call me when you’re sober. i can’t do this right now.” your spoke through gritted teeth, mainly to hold back anything you’d regret saying or simply just sobbing on the spot.

“with me every step of the way...huh?” rafe called out to you in spite, clearly high and drunk out of his mind. you told yourself you wouldn’t get through to him when he was in this state so you hopped back on the dock and headed back to your car.

you loved him endlessly and as painful as it was, you had to keep walking.

sorry for the ending, i knew it was going to have to be pretty angsty!!! hope u enjoyed!! xxx :)

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cursestothemoon · 3 years

Text

A Cruel Favor

Regulus Black x Fem!Slytherin!Reader

Request: Could I get and angsty and sad blurb with Regulus? Nothing specific in mind, Regulus’ entire life is pretty tragic already- just throwing some strained and kind of heartbreaking romance into that mix sorry i like pain this is how i cope

Summary: Your relationship with the youngest Black brother in the form of memories seen in a pensieve by Sirius Black.

Warnings: Death, sadness, crying, the dark mark, ghosts

Word Count: 3265

Author's Note: babe you asked for a blurb and i just did not listen i am so sorry, if you'd still like a blurb let me know and i'll whip up a little short piece but regardless i hope you enjoy this 😌

“You didn’t know him! You didn’t want to know him!” Your voice bellowed, trembling with the burning anger you held in your heart for the eldest Black brother.

It was true, back when the war was just ‘politics’ and the ‘Dark Lord’ a name whispered behind closed doors, Sirius Black had already made up his mind about his family- Regulus included.

“He was my brother.” Sirius spoke the statement as if just the mere fact of relation was supposed to trump that he hadn't even spoken to his brother in the months prior to his death.

You let out a bitter laugh, “Don’t lie for the sake of saving face, you never saw him as a brother; not then and certainly not now.”

Sirius seemed taken aback by your accusation, his words getting lost on his tongue for a moment before he quickly regained his fiery passion for argument.

“He betrayed me.”

“You were the one who betrayed him!” Your accusatory finger pointed at Sirius.

The eldest Black brother’s features went stoney, “The moment he decided to get that mark, was the moment he lost his name as my brother.”

Everything in the mangey old house seemed to still, a silence falling so powerful you could hear a pin drop. Your slow footsteps were exaggerated in the quiet, each creak ringing in both yours and Sirius’ ears. With a tired hand, you pushed a small pouch onto the surface of the dining room table, the vials inside clinking together softly.

“They’re numbered.” You breathed out. “There is so much you don’t know, Sirius.”

You walked through the door and onto the street hastily, not wasting any time to apparate back home.

Sirius sat down in the nearest chair with a huff, his knees spread as his shoulders slid down the back of the chair. He hadn’t remembered just how far up his brother’s ass you were.

Roughly, he rubbed his face with his palms before lazily reaching for the dark velvet pouch on the table. The emerald green reminded him not only of his brother, but of his entire family, the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Sirius couldn’t help the groan that left his mouth at the memories of his family that seemed to plague his mind.

Fittingly, Sirius opened the pouch to reveal just that. The silvery, viscous tendrils that floated through each vial were immediately recognized by the pureblood. You had given him your memories...and a letter.

You deserve to know him.

Y/N L/N

Sirius’ curiosity regarding what secrets of his brother’s seemed to be swimming in the vials bubbled over, he was sure 12 Grimmauld Place was harbouring a pensieve somewhere within its walls, he’d just have to get up and find it.

17 October 1974

Barty Crouch Jr. was an insolent child, the type to collect bones and listen to them rattle. He had a nervous tick, his tongue slithering past his lips every so often in a manner that was so serpentine it made your skin prick.

“Come on then, L/N, be a good little girl and do as I say.”

You threw down your quill in frustration, “Bugger off, Crouch. I’ve said no.”

“Don't be like that,” Barty smirked, coming closer to where you were sitting. “It’s only some homework. You were going to do yours anyway, why not get some extra practice in by doing mine too?”

“I’d rather have unforgivables practiced on me than do anything you ask.”

His sickly sweet smile wasn’t one you were expecting, his voice low and threatening, “That can be arranged.”

Your blood ran cold as you watched his nimble fingers move toward his wand pocket in his robes. Truthfully, you should’ve known better. Being in the same house as Barty allowed you the luxury of hearing all the gossip surrounding him and his hobbies, dark magic and curses being at the top of that list.

“Barty.”

The cold baritone made the sandy-haired menace stop in his tracks, his face contorting into an expression of mild annoyance and frustration.

“There’s no need for you to be acting like a child. Quite humiliating asking someone else to do your work, isn’t it, Crouch? Are you too thick to get it done yourself?”

Barty turned to look at his friend, words jumbling as he tried to figure out how to get himself out of the hole he had dug.

“Reg-” The stone-like stare had Barty cowering and mouth snapping shut, the boy seemingly trying to fold in on himself.

With a simple nod of his head, Regulus directed the him to make himself useful elsewhere, but you were far too taken by the handsome boy in front of you to notice the stomping footsteps of Barty’s as he left. Of course you had known of Regulus Black, seen him from afar and even once had Transfiguration with him, but seeing him up close was an experience in and of itself. His skin was ghostly pale, hair dark and wavy as it fell just below his ears, and his cheekbones were high accentuating the slant of his nose. Regulus Black was beautiful, everything about him seemed to be placed just right and sculpted with the utmost care and attention.

He turned to you, your eyes meeting before he gave you an appraising look.

“Regulus.” His hand struck out, a rather rugged introduction.

Slowly, you took his hand in yours and proceeded to shake it. You couldn’t seem to rid yourself of the feeling that your hand was far too dirty, far too boring to be touching his, to even be near his.

“Y/n L/n, thank you- for that.” You were proud of yourself for not allowing your voice to shake.

“I’m sorry he was a bother.”

Regulus seemed to lack the ability of holding a conversation, he nodded- you assumed a goodbye- and got ready to make his way to the dorms.

“Wait,” Your voice came out before you could stop it. “You could stay, I’m almost done anyway. We could...talk.”

The suggestion had the boy's ears turning pink, his words coming out stuttered and jumbled, a stark contrast from the boy who had told off Barty so eloquently.

“If you- alright.”

You thought for a moment before speaking again, “You’re not very good at talking to people are you?”

“Excuse my blatant honesty, but you make me quite nervous.”

It was your turn to have your ears turn a soft hue of red, “I could say the same about you.”

5 April 1975

“Haven’t you got your own side of the blanket? Must you be so close to me?” You giggled, trying to roll away from Regulus while still avoiding the grass.

Regulus smiled, his eyes closing and nose scrunching in thought before he spoke, “I prefer to be close to you; making sure you won’t run out on me.”

Both of you began giggling, his head falling to nudge your shoulder. Ultimately, Regulus shuffled away from your side, allowing just about a foot of space in between your bodies. The wind rustled your hair as you turned your neck to look at the youngest Black as he sat up, his legs stretched and crossed at the ankles, arms propping himself up as his palms pressed flat against the floor.

It was no secret that Regulus was beautiful. His dark hair- now gently flowing in the cool breeze- stood out against his pale skin, freckles were dusted delicately over his aristocratic nose and sharp cheekbones. You could tell he’d never worked a day in his life with how handsome and soft his hands were. His fingers were long and slender, never dry or rough, and his nails perfectly trimmed and always clean.

Regulus Black was absolutely perfect and you were regretting ever complaining about his proximity.

You were quick to right your wrong, bashfully you raised yourself onto all fours and crawled over to your boyfriend. Regulus tried to hold in his smirk, avoiding turning to look at you directly but you could tell his resolve was breaking.

“Regulus…” You spoke his name with an innocent lilt, sitting back on your shins once you were close enough to have your knees touching his thigh.

He hummed, not giving you the satisfaction of having his full attention.

A huff of frustration fell past your lips at his stubbornness as you threw your leg over his thighs, straddling his legs just above his knees. His composure was thinning, a wide smile threatening to spread across his thin lips.

“You’re far too close,” he teased, his hand coming up as if trying to stop you from getting any closer. “I believe you are on my side of the blanket, L/n.”

“Don’t be so fickle, Black.”

Regulus’ pale blue eyes found yours, his delicate hand coming up to run across the delicate collar of your dress.

“It’s in my nature isn’t it?” His eyes held a certain sadness that you could not place, one you wouldn’t see again until a few years later.

Your lips parted to respond to him, only to be interrupted by a Hogwarts ghost floating nearby. It was a ghost neither you nor Regulus were familiar with and as she passed she mumbled something- rather spitefully- about young love. The event had your train of thought derailed, a quiet giggle erupting from your throat as the transparent, deceased woman floated on.

Regulus seemed to find the woman just as amusing as you did, his eyes crinkling with laughter as you two now looked at each other in fits of hysterics.

“Oh her poor soul!” You exclaimed, eyes looking off in the direction she had gone. “If you were a ghost, Reg, where would you haunt with your undead presence.”

His expression contorted into one of reminiscence, “Uncle Alphard’s cherry orchard just a few kilometers from Monts de Venasque. When we were little, Sirius and I would play in the trees. I could sit in those cherry trees for hours, everything just seemed to disappear. Alphard’s been burned off the tapestry since, but he’s left the property in my possession along with the small house on the land. I think if I were to choose one place to spend eternity, it would be there.”

You smiled softly at his answer.

“And you?” He asked, bringing you out of your lovesick haze.

“Me?” You chuckled. “I’d suppose my eternity would be well spent as long as I was somewhere with you.”

28 June 1976

It seemed the entirety of 12 Grimmauld Place shook with how hard Sirius had slammed the front door.

He was gone.

Completely and entirely gone.

And Regulus was completely and entirely alone now.

Regulus swiftly made his way up the stairs and to his room, just barely avoiding a collision with the poor house elf.

“Y/n’s room.” The words were spoken clearly and concisely as the floo powder fell from his shaky hands.

The time of night- 2:27 am- was of little importance to Regulus, he needed to see you.

You woke up with a jolt, the sound of someone stumbling into your room and panicked mumbling doing nothing to ease your nerves though the mop of dark curls had your heart calming down.

“Reg?”

He turned to look at you with heartbroken eyes, watery and bloodshot.

“He’s gone.” He choked out.

You kicked the blankets off yourself and stood up from your bed, bare feet hitting the cold floor.

Keeping a calm tone you slowly got closer to him, “Who’s gone, love?”

His pain was so evident, rolling off him in waves, “Sirius- he’s not coming back.”

“Oh,” You sighed, treading lightly. “I’m sur-”

“No!” He cried, “Burned off the tapestry, probably with the Potters- he’s gone an-and he left me with them.”

Regulus’ anguish, tear stained cheeks, had your own eyes welling with unshed tears. It was clear words would do nothing to calm him, instead you opted for pushing yourself into him and taking his crying form into your arms. His body seemed to give out as you held him, his tears soaking your shirt as he wailed into your neck.

Neither of you could tell how long you stood in the middle of your room seemingly holding him together, but his cries subsided into gentle whimpers and the occasional sniffle as his nose nudged the side of your neck.

His voice came out rough and strained, just barely above a whisper, “Please don’t- don’t leave me like Si- like he did.”

You could feel your heart shatter, “Wouldn’t dream of it, darling.”

“I don’t know how I would’ve survived in this mess if I had never known you.”

Your breath came out ragged as you spoke the truest words you've ever dared to speak, “My heart beats for you, Regulus.”

30 December 1979

His forearm itched.

It seemed to always have an odd itch ever since he was sixteen.

Regulus watched your form get closer, bundled in a thick overcoat and a dark blue scarf- Christmas present from himself- wrapped neatly around your neck. You were the picture of beauty, like a living doll with your soft smile and adoring eyes.

“My love.” You greeted him, leaning in to place a soft kiss against his cold cheek.

His eyes seemed distant, your only greeting a tight lipped smile.

Your eyebrows knit together, “Everything alright?”

Regulus nodded, his eyes swimming with a sadness so familiar, “Just taking you in.”

He pulled off his leather gloves, stuffing them deep in his coat pocket before reaching his hand out to hold your jaw, his thumb running across your skin. The action was comforting and you couldn’t help but close your eyes to savour the feeling of his thumb caressing your cheekbone.

You let out a small gasp when you felt him take your lips in a slow kiss. It was passionate, loving, yet there was a certain finality to it that had a shiver run up your spine in the most unpleasant way.

“I have the cruelest favor to ask of you, and I can only hope you’ll forgive me once I do.”

Your stomach dropped, “What do you mean, Regulus? What- what favor?”

“Please, try to understand-”

“What favor?”

“I couldn’t-”

“Tell me what the favor is, Regulus.”

Your voice had an edge to it that made him compose himself almost instantly.

He took a breath before speaking, his eyes looking off somewhere behind you as he spoke, “He’s getting stronger.”

You didn’t need to ask who this ‘he’ was, the tone made it very clear.

“He has these… horcruxes. Incredibly dark magic, I don't know how many but I know of one. It’s hidden and I’ve found out the location, I can destroy it I know I can but-”

His tone was hushed and your heart rate had started to pick up speed.

“But you don’t know if you’ll live to tell the tale?” You asked with a humorless laugh.

The look in Regulus’ eyes had told you, you were right.

“I can’t let him continue. If this could stop him, weaken him even, it’s worth whatever the consequence to myself may be.” He argued.

You pushed yourself further from him, “I can’t- I won’t lose you. No, there’s no way.”

His expression shifted into one of sorrow and pleading, “I have to.”

And you knew there was no changing his mind.

You bit the side of your lip anxiously, looking at the ground before asking, “And this favor?”

The heartbreak was almost palpable, his voice going raw.

“I cannot be fully prepared to do anything that is necessary to destroy this horcrux if-”

He cut himself off with an intake of breath.

“If I know you’ll be waiting for my return, if I know what I have to leave behind I may be tempted to not go through with my plan.”

You couldn’t help but feel and look horrified, “What are you asking of me, Regulus?”

He seemed to flinch at the tone of your voice, a tone you’d never used before and one he couldn’t name.

“I need you to obliviate yourself from my memory.”

It felt as though your chest had collapsed in on itself, “I-I couldn-”

“You have to!” Regulus cried, his arms gripping the sides of your face as you couldn’t help but let a choked sob escape from your lips. “It’s the only way I’ll be able to go through with it, I can't know that there’s a possibility of leaving you.”

“Please, Regulus, you can’t ask this of me.” You choked out, searching his eyes for some sort of humor, something that told you it was all a cruel joke.

He pressed his lips against your forehead, both of your eyes closing as you two took in short, ragged breaths.

Everything seemed darker. The flowers in the Black garden were cold and dead, the snow wasn’t snow at all, instead dangerous sheets of ice. It was then you realized the war, the death eaters, everything had become so real.

“There is a letter on your bed at home, I’ve settled everything for you. I’m going to stand against the pillar, my back to you, and you are going to do it from behind the hedges so we won’t see each other after. You need to leave once it’s done alright?”

You nodded solemnly, knowing there was no use in fighting it. The cause was bigger than you, bigger than Regulus. Everyone made sacrifices, this just had to be yours.

“My heart beats for you, Y/n, whether I know it or not.”

“And mine for you, Regulus.” You smiled sadly, pulling his wrist up to your face and pulling back his sleeve to reveal his dark mark, pressing a kiss to the skin you spoke, “You aren’t them, you never were and you never will be.”

Regulus smiled but said nothing as he lowered his arms and put his gloves back on. With slow steps he walked to the pillar and looked back at you one last time.

“I’m just taking you in.” He whispered, before slowly turning.

You took your wand from your coat as you took even slower steps to stand just far enough for him not to notice you after it had been done. Regulus felt his resolve crumble with each crunch of your boots against the frozen ground, his eyes screwed shut- tears rolling down his face freely- as he prepared for what was coming.

With a shaky hand you raised your wand.

“Obliviate.”

Present

Sirius seemed to be thrown back from the pensieve, as if the memory had rejected him from viewing any longer, still sensitive. He felt an odd tickling sensation run down his cheek, his hand raising to brush away a stray tear as he fell into a nearby chair.

He never knew…

***

You pushed open the backdoor of your small home, the warm scent of cherry trees welcoming you. The sun was just barely starting to set as you looked off into the horizon of the vast field of trees, if you looked long enough you could make out the handsome silhouette of a boy you once knew sitting up in a cherry tree.

Only a few short months later, the lone figure would be joined by another… a brother.

tags:

@amourtentiaa

@vsawyer1989

@lifeofkaze

@siriusement

@erinruby003

@maybesandohnos

@onlyfreds

@tayyx

#regulus black x reader #regulus black x y/n #regulus black blurb #regulus black imagine #regulus black x fem!reader #marauders era

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lovysmtalks · 2 years

Text

Oh, How I wish

No tag list rn, debated if I should add more to the chapter for like a month now, feeling very sick, so please someone write down all the names of people who want to be tagged, or anyone who wants to be tagged comment it so I can make a list :-D

Chapter IV

"what did you just call me?" Lex asks in confusion

"I believe I called you father. I'm Marinette Cheng, the daughter of Chyou Cheng." She says formally, faking some confidance

"I have a daughter?" For some reason he believed her, there is a connection between their souls

When Marinette looks at him, her eye color takes his, the right eye to be exact.

It's such a bring light, it looks like she's about to shoot a laser

This child is his and Chyou's. He has a child that for I don't know how many years he didn't see, he wanted to be angry at her, but he couldn't he was a villain and she was...he didn't know how to explain it

"Marinette. How old are you" it wasn't a question, it was a demand, he wants to know how many years has he lost of her life

"I am 17, sir." Fear could be heard in the girl's voice, after all a fucking 6'2 man was standing infornt of her 5'0 self

The man chuckled and put his arm on the girl's shoulder

"You don't have to be afraid maus. I'm not gonna hurt you." He softly says

Mercy's eyes widened once he heard the soft spoken tone coming from her boss

"Did you just call me a mouse?" Mari giggled in confusion

"Ah so you know German. Smart girl, take a sit, Mercy, leave us for a bit, we need to catch up." He says as he takes the small girl's hand and directs her to the couch in his office

Once Mercy leaves, he gets Mari a cup of tea and sat next to her

"My dear, do you know anything about me or your mother?" He asks gently

"I know a lot about you sir, for the past year I've studied you. I had in plan to meet you sooner but didn't have the chance, I'm here right now because I won a Wayne event." She says formally, still kinda scared of the man

"I see, what about your mother?" Lex is now looking into her eyes, them changing colors in the process

"I don't know anything about my mother. Sabine said that she was very kind hearted person and very peaceful, that's all." She says curiously 'maybe I can find more about my mom' the girl thought

"Your mother... Chyou was a special creature. She wasn't human, she wasn't a meta either. She was...A goddess, Godess of Peace to be exact, the empress of the Xithia Dynasty. She ruled from earth since she...fell in love with human. That human being me."

Marinette was stunned...she knew gods existed but she couldn't help the-

"Are you messing with me? I know I'm nothing to you but you don't have to mess with me like that. "Your mother was a goddess of an unknown dynasty that no one ever told you of", do you know how ridiculous that sounds. I just came here to know more about you and mom, but I guess I'm not taken seriously" she got up and rushed to the door

"Marinette-" before he could say anything the door was slammed in his face

On the other side of the door mercy was caught off guard by the door slam

"Mari-" "Leave me alone Mercy" the girl ran down the stairs in an incredible speed

Like an angsty teen, she left the building

"Marinette please listen to me for a second!" Tikki yelled at her master

"No Tikki, I'm not gonna be tricked by my own father into believing bullshit, and I thought I could count on him." She sobs

"TIKKI, SPOTS ON" and she started to run across the roof tops, back to the hotel

#maribat #ml x dc #marinette deserves better #marinette dupain cheng #mlb au #maridami #damian x marinette #class salt #lila salt #badass marinette #daminette angst #daminette

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babymetaldoll · 3 years

Text

Passive aggressive (Spencer Reid/Reader)

Requested: Yes!

Warnings: Cursing, a little angst, a lot of fluff. Spencer being an asshole.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader

Category: A little angst with a fluffy ending.

Summary: Spencer and his girlfriend don't know if they will survive their first fight.

Word count: 3.5 K

A/N: Hello my favorite people!! how are you doing? hope you are all safe! here's a little "angsty" request. I had to pick between Gubler and Spencer, but I think Spencer suits better for this request. Hope you like it!

Masterlist

─────•~❉᯽❉~•─────

When (Y/N) fell in love with Spencer Reid, she couldn't think of anything wrong about him. Sure, she knew the man had flaws, but honestly, none of those actually bothered her. Not his rambling, not his lack of social cues. Neither his previous trauma nor how he kept moving his hands as he spoke, and how it gradually increased when the subject was about something he loved.

She liked all those things about him.

Spencer ignored all the flaws people pointed out about (Y/N), 'cos he was in love with her. He didn't care that she had a hard time sharing her feelings and that he had to basically profile her to get to know what was, in fact, going on with her. He didn't care that she was a little bossy from time to time, 'cos he loved making her happy.

All those things he could deal with, 'cos he loved everything about her.

But people don't warn you when you are dating for a long while. All those little things that don't matter can turn into a bunch of flaws that start driving you nuts. And after eight-month dating, their perfect honeymoon was over. Spencer Reid and his girlfriend were about to get into their first official fight.

No one prepared them for it.

- "Spencer? Can you help me, please?"- (Y/N) was in his room, folding bed sheets and towels.

- "In a minute!"- Spencer replied and didn't take his eyes from the book he was reading.

- "You said that twenty minutes ago"- (Y/N) frowned and dropped the clean sheets on their bed- "Please, Spencer. I'm tired, and I wanna go to bed. I'd finish folding the clean clothes if you helped me."

- "In a minute."- Spencer repeated and didn't even pay much attention to his girlfriend's annoyed tone of voice until it was too late. She was standing right next to her in the living room.

- "Spencer! Please! Fucking help me now!"- he raised both eyebrows and stared back at her, her cheeks red in anger and her hands clenched into fists.

- "Why are you talking to me like that? I haven't raised my voice to you."

- "'Cos I'm fucking tired, and you've been relaxing here for over an hour, while I do everything in the house, and you don't cooperate!"

- "Excuse me?"- Spencer stood up and took a look around- "Who cooked dinner?"

- "You did! and did you do the dishes? And cleaned the kitchen afterward? 'cos as far as I remember seeing it, it's still a mess!"

- "I'm gonna do it in a minute!"

- "No, you won't! You always do this! You make a big mess, pretend you'll clean it in a minute, and then you just leave it there until I do it!"- Spencer frowned and looked at (Y/N)'s angry face.

- "No, I don't! If anything! I am the one cleaning all the messes you leave around here all the time!"

- "What?!"- (Y/N) shriek, feeling almost insulted- "Which messes are you talking about?"

- "Top of my mind, all the hair you left in the shower! It was fucking disgusting!"

- "What?!"

- "If maybe you used all the freaking bobby pins you keep leaving everywhere, maybe the shower drain wouldn't get blocked!"

- "I didn't block the drain!"

- "And by the way, I told you I was going to help you with laundry. You didn't wait for me to it with you."

- "If I wait for you to help me, I'll run out of clean clothe, and I'll have nothing to wear tomorrow for work."

- "You do have a lot of clean clothing at your apartment! Maybe if you spent some time there, you'd see it. But you are always here!"

(Y/N)'s heart dropped. Since they had started dating eight months ago, they had spent most of their time in Spencer's apartment. She never overanalyzed it. They just did. (Y/N) loved Spencer's apartment 'cos it felt like home, and he always made her feel welcome.

Clearly, Spencer didn't feel the same. Not anymore, at least.

- "Sorry for intruding on your space, Spencer. I just thought you liked having me here!"- (Y/N) whispered with anger, trying not to cry, as she gathered all her things and put on her shoes.

- "I love having you here, but it's my house, and I don't appreciate you bossing me around, telling me what to do, when to do it, and how to do it, all the fucking time!"

Spencer kind of yelled, still mad, and not seeing the painful look in his girlfriend's eyes.

- "Well, enjoy your space. I won't tell you what to do anymore!"- and after those words, (Y/N) stormed out of the apartment, and Spencer sighed, staring at the empty space around him.

How did things get so out of hand? He had no idea. He didn't mean to hurt her, but the truth was that she was smothering him with all the nagging about the housework she kept doing. He didn't want her to do all the chores alone. He just had his own way of doing things, and he hated the fact she was imposing hers.

Could it have been said in a better way?

Yes. But Spencer didn't see that at that minute. He didn't realize how much he had hurt her. Why? Spencer didn't mean wrong, but he had no idea how hurtful his words could be when he was angry. And that night, Spencer was beyond angry.

Now, what's worse than having your first awful fight with your boyfriend? Having your first fight with your boyfriend, seeing him the day after at work, and having to act like everything is ok, 'cos you gave Hotch, your unit chief, your word your relationship wasn't going to get in the way of your work.

Bullshit! Of course, it was going to get in the way. Hotch knew it, (Y/N) Knew it, Spencer knew it. But the three of them pretended they had no idea what was going to happen.

Hotch thought Spencer and (Y/N) were going to be a mature young couple, 'cos he could see how much they loved each other. They had been in love with each other for so long before actually doing something about their feelings. Hotch thought they were never going to have any kind of trouble or argument.

He was so wrong it hurt.

The following morning, (Y/N) walked into the bullpen holding a black cup of coffee and headed straight to her desk. She waved at Emily and JJ and sighed, relieved, when she noticed Spencer was in the kitchenette with Morgan. That gave her the chance to casually ignore him and wait a little before dealing with him.

The truth was, (Y/N) was scared after their fight. She had known Spencer for over seven years, and she knew he had been honest about everything he had told her the night before. Everything. Sure, he yelled and hurt her. He didn't sugar-coat anything when he was mad. But he wasn't lying, and that was scary.

(Y/N) also knew Spencer was very passive-aggressive when he was upset. That was why she knew she had to be the bigger person and avoid him as much as possible while they were at work. Because, whatever she could say about the subject, or related, was going to trigger Spencer.

She remembered when Spencer got mad at JJ when he found out Emily wasn't dead. Spencer was hurtful when he was angry, and you don't want to be the target of his anger.

Spencer reached his desk and noticed his girlfriend was sitting all alone, practically hiding underneath a pile of files. His heart ached, staring at her for a second, fighting back the impulse of walking over and kissing her.

How long since he had kissed her? 14 hours, 17 minutes, 22 seconds. And counting.

But no. Spencer wanted to make a point, and he was still mad. He didn't want to cave in and lose that argument. Yes, it was their first fight, but he wanted to make a point. He didn't want her to boss him around in his own place and change his schedules. He had his own way of doing things. Like Paula Anka and Sinatra said: I did it my way.

Spencer had no idea, but his silence was slowly breaking (Y/N)'s heart more and more. She looked at him for a second, but he paid her no attention. Maybe it was better that way, she thought. She could focus on all the work she had to do.

But no. Of course, it didn't help.

When Penelope walked over and announced they had a case, half the team had already realized there was something wrong with their love bird. Spencer hadn't walked over (Y/N) with her favorite pastry soon after her arrival. She hadn't kissed him good morning. He hadn't spent half of the time staring at her from his desk. If anything, they had been ignoring each other most of the day.

Emily, JJ, and Derek looked at each other when (Y/N) stood up and walked alone to the conference room. Spencer didn't follow, didn't hold her hand. Didn't even look at her. He just gathered his things, put them in his satchel, and waited for a few minutes before standing up, just to make sure he wasn't alone in the room with (Y/N).

It was crystal clear: things were not going right.

Spencer ignored (Y/N) during the briefing at the jet, and he was relieved Hotch had paired him with Emily. (Y/N) focused on the case, and she was also glad she didn't have to see Reid during part of the day. She had to go to the last murder scene with Derek. It was sad and disturbing, but directing her attention to the case gave her a break and even some peace of mind.

- "What happened between you and pretty Ricky?"- Morgan was driving the SUV, and (Y/N) kept her eyes glued to the window.

- "We had a little argue"- she whispered- "Thank you for making me realize we are not subtle."

- "You are not glued to each other. That's weird. I haven't seen you two apart since you joined the BAU."- Derek chuckled and looked at (Y/N). Her arms were crossed on her chest, and her eyes were teary.

- "Wait, pretty girl. It was just a silly argument, right?"- Derek didn't even consider the couple could break up. Ever. For Derek, his best friend and his girlfriend were it for each other.

- "I don't know. I know I have to give Spencer a little space to cool off, but the more I think about it, the worst it feels."

- "But, (Y/N). He loves you. You can't let that go."- she cut him a short smile and nodded.

- "I love him too. Sometimes you wonder if that's enough, though. Maybe it was better for us when we were platonic."

- "You can't be serious"- Morgan frowned, and (Y/N) just shrugged- "Spencer is crazy for you. No matter what he said, he loves you."

Morgan was right. Spencer loved (Y/N) more than he loved himself. But he wasn't ready to let that one argument go just yet. Besides, the doctor focused on work that week. That case occupied 99% of his mind during the next couple of days.

(Y/N) knew that's how he usually worked. And the frustration that the case caused them, plus the anger he still felt after their fight, didn't make a good person out of Spencer. If anything, he was looking for a reason to start an argument with pretty much everyone, especially with (Y/N).

- "We have to consider this unsub is not acting on a fantasy. He is looking for revenge, and he is escalating quickly."- Hotch said, going over the files again.

- "But if the murderer spends time with them in their houses and kills them with something they own, something that actually means something for them, I think we might be looking for a woman. This is too personal, and at the same time, it feels domestic"- (Y/N) analyzed, staring at the latest murderer's scene pictures.

- "Perhaps the Freds didn't help her fold the clean sheets."- Spencer whispered and shook his head. (Y/N) held her breath and stood up. She had to move away from Spencer to avoid answering that kind of comment.

Unlucky for her, Spencer wasn't close to being done. And for the rest of the night, he whispered hurtful comments and kept breaking her heart over and over again. (Y/N) knew Spencer was mad, but she didn't imagine how much. Maybe she had pushed him too hard. What if that was it? If that fight meant the end for them? She was actually scared to ask.

After catching the murderer and solving the case, (Y/N) sat on her own on the jet back home, hugging her legs on her seat. Emily looked at her from behind her book and decided her friend needed some love. She poured a cup of earl grey and walked to her with a warm smile.

- "You are my hero, Emily Prentiss."- (Y/N) whispered and held her cup.

- "Well, it comes with the job. I can read it all over your face: you need tea, a warm bath, and fix things with Reid."

(Y/N) closed her eyes and sighed. Spencer was at the other side of the jet, asleep. Or well, pretending to be asleep just to avoid talking to her. She knew it, and it didn't make her feel better at all.

- "I don't know what happened, Em. But I think this might be it" Prentiss wide opened her eyes at those words and held (Y/N)'s hand right away.

- "No way. He is crazy for you."

- "Yeah, it's funny 'cos Morgan said the same a few days ago. But after this week, I think I actually drive him crazy in a sick bad smothering way. I really think I fucked things up"- (Y/N) was fighting the tears back and looked over the window to avoid human contact, though Emily still held her hand.

- "(Y/N), you have to talk to him. He loves you. He is not good with social cues and facing people. You know that."

- "Yeah, I know. But I thought it was going to be different with me. It's me, it's him. This was supposed to work easily. I guess I was wrong".

- "Nothing worth doing comes easy, (Y/N)"- Prentiss whispered and squeezed her friend's hand- "Don't give up on Spence."

(Y/N) didn't want to give up. But she was scared Spencer had already decided. It looked that way after his cold and mean attitude those days. When the jet landed, she tried to walk to him and talk, but he avoided her and just left.

(Y/N) walked to her car and sat behind the steering wheel. Finally, alone after a rough couple of days, she burst into tears. She was scared and frustrated, and most of all, anxious to know what was going to happen. That was a terrible mix of feelings.

She knew that she didn't want to push Spencer to continue a relationship that might make him miserable. That's why, after taking a few minutes to calm herself down, she texted him.

- "I'm sorry things got till this point. I didn't mean to make you feel so bad. I understand if you want to break up. I'll pick up my things tomorrow."

Spencer felt his cellphone hum as he walked into his apartment, holding a box of tandoori chicken. He thought for a second it might be Hotch with another case, and sighed annoyed just at the thought of missing the chance to relax on his own again.

But when he read it, it was actually worse.

He left the food on the table and read the text over and over again.

What had he done? Why did (Y/N) think he wanted to break up with her? That wasn't his plan at all. He just wanted to prove a point. Not end with their relationship.

Did he push things too far?

Did he act like an asshole?

Did he ruin everything?

Spencer stared at his apartment, and his heart ached. He didn't care if (Y/N) changed everything around. He just wanted her there, with him. Always. He could do laundry whenever she wanted to. He could fold sheets whenever she asked him to. He could be as domestic as she wanted him to be if that meant that she would stay with him.

(Y/N) drove back home. She thought about getting something for dinner, but honestly, all she wanted was to get into her bed and try to sleep. Spencer didn't reply to her text, which somehow surprised her. A part of her was waiting for him to tell her he didn't want to break up. But that silence was the confirmation she didn't want to have: it was over.

The young agent did her best to remain calm as she drove back home. She didn't want to cry. She could listen to Spencer's voice at the back of her head giving her some statistics about people crushing their cars when they drove under emotional distress.

(Y/N) made it to her building, parked the car, and literally dragged herself upstairs. She was about to reach her apartment when she saw him. Spencer Reid, waiting for her, sitting on the floor, his back resting against her door. She froze for a few seconds, looking at him, confused. He stared back at her and held his breath. Her eyes were puffy and red, her face was pale, and yet, she was the most beautiful woman he had ever set eyes on.

- "(Y/N), I'm so sorry."- Spencer whispered and stood up. He walked to her and held her hands. She didn't follow, so she stayed in silence. Spencer lifted her hands until they reached his face and caressed himself with them carefully for a few seconds, tears falling from his eyes.

- "I'm so sorry, I was an asshole."- he murmured and kissed her hands over and over again as he sobbed.

- "Spencer..."- she whispered and stared at him confused- "I'm sorry."

- "No, I am. I was mean to you, and you didn't deserve it. You have to know how much I love you. How deeply in love I am with you. I love spending all my time with you. I don't want you to live twelve and a half blocks away from my apartment. I want you there all the time. Or I can be here all the time. I just... don't want to lose you."

- "I don't wanna lose you either"- (Y/N) managed to say- "I'm sorry I was so bossy and that I invaded your space."

- "No, I'm sorry I was an asshole and so passive-aggressive with you. I love you. I promise I will never act like that again"- Spencer hugged her and hid his face on the crook of her neck. (Y/N) hugged him too and breathed in his smell, feeling at home right away.

- "I missed you so much"- Spencer held her face with both hands and kissed her sweetly, rubbing his lips against her with such love and tenderness, (Y/N) felt her heart skipping a beat.

- "I missed you more"- she sighed into the kiss and held him closer.

- "I swear, I'm never going to hurt you again, buttercup."

- "I'm not going to nag you again. I don't care if you don't fold sheets, chipmunk"- (Y/N) smiled and rested her forehead against his for a moment.

- "You are doomed, (Y/N), 'cos I'm gonna do whatever you ask me to do from now on."- Spencer leaned in and kissed her again, feeling her smiling against his lips.

- "I just want you to be happy with me, Spencer"- she murmured- "I never want to make you feel like I'm invading your space or being bossy."

- "Then move in with me"- he said and smiled like a mad man- "I don't want it to be my apartment anymore. I want it to be ours. Let's find a place for the both of us, so we can make it our home."

(Y/N) stared into Spencer's eyes, and all she could read was his excitement and adoration. So she giggled and nodded.

- "Yes! I wanna have a home with you!"- she answered and nearly started jumping- "Come on, let's go inside so we can start looking for a new apartment. Or a house!"- her excitement was contagious, and it made SPencer chuckle.

- "Or we can have make-up sex first,"- he suggested, and (Y/N) dropped the keys she was holding. "Did you know when we argue, post-powerful hormones are released? The rush of adrenaline, noradrenaline, and testosterone triggers a state of extreme arousal. The perception of threat combined with the influence of the hormones on our brains is what takes us from seething with anger to seething with desire..."

- "I love it when you talk dirty to me, Spencer Walter Reid"- (Y/N) opened the door, and the couple rushed in. They hated to argue, but at least something god had come out of it.

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Spencer Taglist

@calm-and-doctor @all-tings-diego

#spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid x you #criminal minds fluff #babymetaldoll writes

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