#i’m trying so hard but life keeps on pushing me further towards the edge

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is another part of our possessive Harry rec list. If you missed them, you can find part one here and part two here. There are a ton of amazing fics on this list that we hope you'll check out. If you enjoy our rec lists, please be sure to like and reblog this post to help spread the word. Happy reading!

1) Back Where I Belong | Explicit | 7,217 words

Harry’s trying to have a conversation with Nick, who he hasn’t seen in nearly three months, but the way Nick’s eyes keep darting over his shoulder every few seconds is quite distracting. It’s ironic, because at least a quarter of the reason that he’s even talking to Nick in the first place is because he needs a distraction. He’s all too aware of exactly what’s going on behind his back. Nick is the one who finally brings it up. “Do you think he’s doing it to spite you?” “He’s definitely doing it to spite me,” Harry answers tightly, resisting the urge to crane his neck around so he can see. He clutches his drink a little tighter, trying to keep his tenuous control over his own movements.

2) Come A Little Closer | Explicit | 9,867 words

Louis puts on lingerie. It's not, like, a thing.

3) Fuck U Betta | Explicit | 11,438 words

There’s something about having Louis like this, exposed and desperate, that makes a primal urge bubble up from deep inside Harry’s chest. Desire mixed with something else, something unquantifiable. It’s the thing that makes them want this, need this. Nothing else will satisfy them or quench their thirst.

4) Please, I'm Begging | Explicit | 13,746 words

Louis is an omega who just wants to be with Harry

5) Rendezvous | Explicit | 15,357 words

"Harry's got a date tonight." Zayn greets him. Louis misses the good old times, when people used to say hello. "Why's he got a date, Louis?" Louis has no time for Zayn's nonsense, he's late to crash Harry's date. He only came here for one thing. "I need the fur coat." he announces. "No questions asked."

6) I’m Kind Of Into It | Explicit | 19,483 words

Note: This fic is locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

A pair of eyes follow him, narrowed and if Louis has judged right; assessing. Trying to see if Louis has a favourite. Waiting to see if he gives it up to one of the baying crowd. He doesn't. He straightens up and moves smoothly back towards the intriguing man in the front-row seat. He hasn't moved, bar to clutch his fingers slightly around the edges of the circle-shaped seat; his thighs pushing open a little further as he tucks his ass in; showcasing his dick somewhat. The dress pants do barely anything to cover the jut of that length and Louis makes it his personal mission to make him hard. It's insulting really that he's not already there. He's been dancing for three minutes and if that isn't long enough to incite some interest then what is?

7) Play By The Rules | Explicit | 21,835 words

Fed up with the excess energy that’s wreaking havoc on his personal and professional life, Louis asks his boyfriend to dom him in the hopes that it’ll help him relax. Unfortunately, Harry is a bit of a disaster when it comes to being a dom. So, Louis decides to get creative to try and encourage the dominant side out of him.

8) Worth The Wait | Explicit | 29,262 words

In all the words Louis would use to describe a baby shower, the last one he’d ever thought to use was depressing.

9) Can’t Fool Me | Explicit | 30,162 words

AU where Louis hates fraternities and would never be into a frat boy. And one of these things is definitely not a lie.

10) Blue Songs Are Like Tattoos | Explicit | 30,739 words

“Good morning, University of California, you’re listening to KALX 90.7 FM Berkeley, this is DJ Harry Styles. If the owner of the tapes I’ve been finding around the studio doesn’t come forward and introduce himself, I’m going to continue tossing them straight in the trash!”

11) Like It’s A Game | Explicit | 32,223 words

There is little harry hates more than truth or dare.

12) All This Devotion | Explicit | 38,047 words

Louis is Harry’s work wife. The already blurry lines of their friendship are smudged further when they get caught up in a web of lies.

13) Kiss Me On The Mouth And Set Me Free (But Please Don’t Bite) | Mature | 42,036 words

Harry is the CEO of Flora Corp, Louis is his new secretary.

14) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42,207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

15) Let Your Damage, Damage Me | Explicit | 57,077 words

A low and dangerous growl was ripped from the future King’s chest. “Who the fuck do you think you are?” the alpha snarled, eyes dark and nostrils flared. Even as anger rushed through him at the alpha’s brutish display, Louis felt breathless at the intense gaze of the man that was going to be his future mate. ‘Tomorrow I’m going to be under all that. He will be inside me, all muscles and rage.’ Louis felt his cheeks heat again, but refused to be cowed. So he put his best smirk on display, the one alphas despised to see, the one that assured them all he had the upper hand. “Thought you were expecting me, dear husband. I’m your future mate.”

16) Not Afraid Of Living On A Fault Line | Explicit | 55,218 words

His eyes widened when he realized he had just somehow managed to ask Harry to hang out. Judging by Harry’s own expression, he wasn't the only one who was shocked. Louis expected him to laugh off the ridiculous request but the beta looked up at him, almost hopefully. “Are you being serious?” “Um,” was all Louis could say, feeling every bit as speechless as Harry had been earlier. “Are you?” Harry shrugged. “I’ve been told I need to get out more.”

17) These Still Waters Run Deep | Explicit | 64,602 words

Having accepted his engagement to Viscount Andrew, Louis is aware that it isn’t a love match and has no wish to be swept off his feet… until he meets the viscount’s brother, Harry, who makes him second-guess everything.

18) King Of My Heart | Explicit | 83,712 words

Harry shrugged, his shoulders brushing against Louis’. “I think since I was young, I craved that feeling, though. I didn’t always hate being a prince, but over time, certain aspects of it just bothered me so much. I remember being four years old and realizing that every person in the world knew my name, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted that. I told my mum as much and she tried telling me that being a prince is not a punishment. That it was a privilege that I should be happy about it, but no one asked me if I was. But looking up at the sky, I remember that all of this will one day mean nothing, and neither will I. All the pressure will then disappear and I could just be.” Louis stayed quiet, allowing Harry the space to open up because he knew Harry wasn’t looking for advice, but just someone to confide in. What he wished he could tell him was that in the short amount of time that he’d known the prince, in Louis’ eyes, he couldn’t be insignificant if he tried. He was brighter than every star up there in the sky. He was all Louis could look at and think about.

19) Echoes & Omens | Mature | 100,707 words

Echoes of the dead come in many forms. Their imprints forever tied to the ones who'd killed them. Louis Tomlinson is able to track the dead using their echoes, they call to him. He's used that gift to aid Scotland Yard in their investigations, with the hopes of studying Criminology at Cambridge University. He's lived a life of privilege and good fortune as a Marquess, son of the late Duke Tomlinson, with his life mapped out since day one. Until two terrible truths are revealed. One, he's adopted. Two, his biological parents are London's most notorious serial killers. Against his family's wishes, Louis travels to Chicago to uncover the truth of their incarceration. Much to his dismay, his biological mother's Lawyer, Harry Styles, wants to take his case. Together, they work to uncover what really happened all those years ago, but perhaps more is revealed than they could've ever anticipated. Trapped in a whirlwind of portents and omens, Louis and Harry find themselves pitted against an enemy they'd not foreseen.

20) You’ve Got A Higher Power, You’re Once In Any Lifetime | Explicit | 113,444 words

Giving up and letting them think they're right were never valid options in Louis Tomlinson's mind. In a society full of prejudices, finding a family and being accepted, also seemed like an unrealistic utopia. Louis sets out to do what no other of his kind ever has before and in doing so, he finds love, friendship and more about himself than he thought he would.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

#bottom louis #top harry #larry #fic recs #blp fic recs #blp #possessive harry

[writingsfromhome]

Dos and Don’ts IV

A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3

Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4

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We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.

Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.

With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.

The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.

“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”

I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.

“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.

“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”

“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“

“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”

“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”

���Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”

“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”

“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.

“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”

The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.

“Thanks,” I say through tears.

And the girls hold me to their promise.

After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.

We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.

Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.

As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.

The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.

We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.

“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.

Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”

I shake my head no.

“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.

I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.

We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.

The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.

“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.

“Hey!” I shout back.

“Que pasa?”

“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.

He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.

The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.

He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”

“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”

“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.

I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.

He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.

I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.

When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.

When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.

I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.

It ends in a split second.

“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.

“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.

“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.

Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.

“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.

“Y/n what are you doing out there?”

“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”

He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.

Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”

“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”

“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”

“Whatever I’m over this convo.”

I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.

“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”

“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”

“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”

“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”

“Nothing!” He insists.

“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”

“It’s for your own good!”

He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.

Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.

“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.

With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.

But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”

I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.

I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.

Hypocrite.

I drop my hand.

“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”

I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.

I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.

I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.

“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”

My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.

I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.

“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”

“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”

“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”

It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.

“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”

“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“

“It’s night.”

“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”

“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”

I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.

I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.

I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.

I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.

On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.

Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.

“Hi I need a room.” I say.

“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”

I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.

“Just a night. I need your best room please.”

“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”

“The best room will do. Preferably large.”

“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”

I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.

“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”

“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.

“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”

I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.

“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.

“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”

They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.

The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.

The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.

I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.

“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”

“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”

We stare at each other for a tense moment.

“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”

After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.

He chooses to ignore me.

“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“

His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.

I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.

“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.

I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.

“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”

He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.

“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”

“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”

“Do you always have to be so snarky?”

Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.

“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”

“It’s really quite unbecoming.”

“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”

“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.

“I never let anything go?” I repeat.

“Yeah! Ever!”

“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.

“Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”

“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”

“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”

“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”

With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.

“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.

“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”

“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”

“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”

“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”

“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“

“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.

“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”

“What did I say?”

“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.

“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”

“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“

“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”

“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”

“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”

“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”

“Then quit!”

“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.

“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”

“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”

“Whatever y/n.”

“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”

“What? I told you I was looking out-“

“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”

I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.

“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“

“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”

Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.

“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”

“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”

“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”

His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.

“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!

When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.

But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.

He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.

My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.

Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.

“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.

In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.

Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.

"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.

"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.

He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.

He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.

I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”

“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”

His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.

“D’you really hate me?” He asks.

“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.

He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.

“Do you hate me?” He asks again.

“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.

“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.

The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.

Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.

“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.

“Okay?” He asks low.

I nod, grateful that he was taking over.

And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.

After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.

His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.

And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.

His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.

“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.

I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.

I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.

I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.

My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.

I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.

The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.

I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.

***

We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.

I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.

London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home���my childhood home.

I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.

These thoughts kept me preoccupied.

It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.

It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.

I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.

When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.

Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.

I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.

“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.

“So,” I echo.

We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.

“We should sit?”

“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”

I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”

“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”

“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”

Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.

Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.

“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”

He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”

I nod. Not sure what to say to that.

“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.

“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”

“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”

“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”

I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.

I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.

On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.

Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.

I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.

I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.

“Mr. Styles?”

“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.

“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”

The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.

“What is that?”

“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.

His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.

“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.

I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”

His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.

“Is this a joke?”

“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”

“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.

“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”

By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.

“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”

“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.

He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.

I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,

“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”

He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.

He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.

When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”

Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.

“Uh y/n please come i-“

“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.

For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.

I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.

Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.

“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.

When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.

“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.

“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”

“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”

“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“

“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.

“We dealt with that article.”

Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.

“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.

“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”

“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”

Shit. “Um. Burnout?”

The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.

“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”

He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?

“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.

“Tomorrow?”

“Mhm.”

“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”

He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.

When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.

“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.

“Sure,” I reply.

“Is it because of that night?”

It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.

Wait, he wanted an answer.

“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.

He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.

***

Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”

Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”

“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”

This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.

“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”

Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”

“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.

“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.

“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”

I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”

We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.

I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.

We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.

He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.

And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.

Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.

At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.

The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.

“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”

Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.

Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.

“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”

“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.

“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”

We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.

We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.

I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.

***

Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.

Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.

The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.

I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.

We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.

I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.

On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.

I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.

“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”

“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”

Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”

He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.

Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.

“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.

“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.

I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.

My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.

I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.

I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.

I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.

The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.

••••••••••••••••••••

Present (2 years on):

My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.

Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.

Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.

“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.

“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”

I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”

“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.

“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”

“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.

“Of course I do.”

“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”

I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.

“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.

“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“

“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”

Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.

“What are you doing here?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”

He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”

I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.

Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.

“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”

“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“

“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“

“You seemed to have.”

His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.

“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”

The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.

I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.

I’d rather van gogh my ear.

I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.

“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.

“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.

He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.

“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.

“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”

“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.

“Never ends well,” I eye the door.

“Just as stubborn as I remember.”

“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.

He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”

I shake my head. He should know that by now.

“Can I walk you out at least?”

I shrug, couldn’t hurt.

“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.

“What?”

“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”

“I thought we could be friendly exes.”

And when did he get so cheeky.

“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”

“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”

“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”

“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”

“Nooo. You’re being weird.”

"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."

I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.

Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.

“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.

“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.

“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”

“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.

“How do you like that?”

“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.

But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.

“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”

My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.

And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.

We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.

“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.

“I didn’t know. Sorry.”

“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”

He huffs an awkward laugh.

“Anyway this is me—

“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.

We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.

“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”

“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”

“A few weeks,” I reply.

He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?

“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.

His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?

“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.

“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”

“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“

“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”

Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.

“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”

This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.

“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.

“Right.” I choke out.

He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”

I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”

Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”

I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.

“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.

On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.

Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.

***

Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.

Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.

When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.

I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.

I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.

“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.

“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”

We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.

“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”

“No,” I laugh.

“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.

“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”

“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”

“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”

“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”

“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.

“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”

“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”

“Yes!”

“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.

“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”

“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.

“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”

“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“

“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.

“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.

“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“

“Y/N?”

Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.

She didn’t tell him.

“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.

“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”

It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.

It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.

What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.

These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.

“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.

Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.

“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”

She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.

“I am really sorry,” she whispers.

“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”

“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”

I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.

I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.

“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”

“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”

“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.

“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”

“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”

“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”

“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.

With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.

“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“

We stop and chuckle awkwardly.

“Sorry,” I shake my head.

“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”

“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”

“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”

I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”

“Fair. How’s America?”

“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”

“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.

He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.

“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”

“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.

“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”

We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.

It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.

“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”

“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.

“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”

Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.

“Who?”

That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.

“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”

“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.

But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.

“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.

“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”

They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.

“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.

“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.

“No it’s ok!”

“I don’t know why she acted like that-“

“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“

“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”

It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.

Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.

I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.

So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.

“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”

Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”

“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”

“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”

“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”

“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”

Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.

I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.

Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.

I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.

I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.

I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.

My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.

I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.

He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??

I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.

Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?

Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.

I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.

Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.

I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.

***

I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.

“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.

“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.

We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.

“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”

Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.

“Josie,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”

“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.

“Stop apologizing.”

“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”

We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”

Famous last words.

It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.

I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.

“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.

“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.

I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.

Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.

By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.

As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.

“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“

“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”

Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.

“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”

“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.

“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”

She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.

And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.

We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.

She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?

“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”

“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”

“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”

“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”

“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”

“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”

“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.

“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.

I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.

As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.

“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”

“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”

What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.

“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”

“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”

“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”

“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.

“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”

I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.

“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”

“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.

But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.

“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”

I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.

“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”

I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.

“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”

“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.

My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.

“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”

“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.

I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.

I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.

Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.

Now it was just a hand.

I clasp it and he squeezes.

“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.

I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.

Too much was happening at once.

My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.

I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?

His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night

I smile, despite myself.

Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.

H: For drinks?

Y: For drinks

H: Ofc.

***

The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.

For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.

I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.

I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.

“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.

“I did.”

I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.

He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.

His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.

The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.

I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.

My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.

But I am so tired.

I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.

“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.

I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.

"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.

I shake my head.

He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."

"I think I-“

“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”

I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.

He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.

“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.

“Then where?” He plays along.

“Anywhere but there.”

He kisses my nose. “There?”

“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”

He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”

But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.

With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.

“What?” I ask.

“We should take that drink first.”

I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.

“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.

He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”

“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”

“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.

“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”

“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Why not?”

“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“

“Just let me talk then.”

“Why does everyone want to talk!”

“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“

“You already did-“

“Properly.”

I cross my arms and sigh.

“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”

“So this isn’t a great thing then.”

“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.

“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.

“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”

“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”

“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?

But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.

“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.

“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.

“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”

“Kind of.”

“Kind of?”

“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”

He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”

“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”

“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”

“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”

“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”

I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?

My heart flutters amongst other things.

I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.

“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“

“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”

“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”

I nod along to his story.

“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”

“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”

“You’re judging me.”

“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.

“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”

He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.

“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”

“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.

“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”

He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”

“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.

“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”

“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”

“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had to be the villain in your story-“

“What?” What was he talking about?

“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”

I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.

“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”

“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.

“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“

“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“

“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”

I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.

Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.

My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.

“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”

“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.

“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“

“You don’t like my sensitivity.”

“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“

“Because of you.”

“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”

“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.

“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“

“It was really a lot of reasons.”

“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”

His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.

“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”

I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.

“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”

“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.

“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”

We smile.

“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”

His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.

I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.

“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”

“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”

“Same.”

His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.

His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.

We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.

“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”

Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.

But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.

“I want to do this.”

With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.

He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.

The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.

The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.

I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.

But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.

He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.

I nod.

He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.

It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.

He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.

He moves up to press his forehead against mine.

"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.

“What do you mean?”

“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“

“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.

"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”

“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”

He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.

I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.

I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.

It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.

"May I?" he looks up.

"Please," I whisper.

For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.

And it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.

“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.

“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.

Love. I brush the word away.

He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.

I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.

Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.

Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.

I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.

On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?

I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.

But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.

Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.

And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.

These people made me so angry.

How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.

I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.

Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.

How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.

Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.

I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.

Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.

I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.

Damn.

What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.

What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?

“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.

“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.

“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”

I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.

“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”

“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.

A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.

Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.

“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.

He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.

Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.

“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.

“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.

“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.

“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.

“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”

“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.

“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”

“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”

“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“

“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.

“But-“ he says behind my hand.

“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.

“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”

“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”

“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”

“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”

“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”

So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?

***

It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.

But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.

We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.

But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.

Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.

Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.

We still get under each other’s skin.

The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.

I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.

“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.

“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”

“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”

“Coincidence.”

“Liar.”

“I’m an honest man.”

“Truth please?”

“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”

“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”

“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”

“Really? How?”

“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”

He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.

“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”

“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”

“That’s a strong word.” He argues.

“You. Stalked. Me.”

“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.

“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.

“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.

“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.

“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”

“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”

“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”

His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.

“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”

It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.

“I’ll think about it.”

“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”

When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.

We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.

“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”

He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”

I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”

“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”

“Whatever,” I say with a smile.

“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”

We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.

“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”

“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”

“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”

He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.

“What?”

“Really? You think it was the artcles?”

“Well what else happened that-“

Oh god. Was I that stupid?

Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.

A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”

“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”

I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?

“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.

“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”

His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.

“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”

His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”

“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“

“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“

“Well you were-“

“Yeah alright-“

“Why did you really pull me away though?”

“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”

“What?”

I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”

My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.

“I was just your assistant though.”

“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”

“Yeah but-“

“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”

I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.

Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.

“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”

“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”

“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”

“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”

Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”

I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”

“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”

I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.

Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.

I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.

I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.

“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.

“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”

“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.

There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.

My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.

“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.

“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”

“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”

I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”

“I have a good feeling about it.”

“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”

“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”

I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.

“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”

“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”

“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”

I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.

“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“

“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”

He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.

“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”

“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.

He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.

***

I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.

I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.

I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.

So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.

I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.

I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.

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TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77 @harryspirate

🤍

#writingsfromhome #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic #harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles imagine #harry styles angst #harry styles fluff #musician!harry #harry styles series #harry stylesxreader #enemies to lovers #dos and don’ts #this is DONE #I HAD THE MOST FUN WRITING THIS I REALLY POURED MY HEART INTO IT #IM SO HAPPY ITS DONE #AHHH #I LOVED WRITING THESE CHARACTERS #EVEN THE FRUSTRATING ONES #fic #<3 #i considered an epilogue but firstly not enough space and secondly idk if this open-ish ending suited the series? #if you didn’t like the ending I’m sorry just consider the alternate ending to be right after the grad dinner #but listen distance and experience provides perspective so nobody stay mad #okk byee #love ya

[littleheartbeat]

It was just a piece of fruit. A small, little, teeny tiny wedge of an apple.

Somehow, that piece was more than large enough to get wedged in my throat.

A cold feeling washed over me as my heart began to pound heavily in my head, so hard that I could feel each pulse throughout my body. Tentatively, I tried to take a breath, but found that I simply couldn’t. There wasn’t a passage of air at all.

No. No no. No, I couldn’t be choking, I couldn’t be.

You were downstairs. I had insisted on taking my apples with caramel dip to the bedroom so I could sit and relax. Funny how things turn out: A simple, calm evening turned into a life-threatening situation in an instant.

My hand reaches for my throat as I yank the covers off. In doing so, I knocked off several items from the nightstand. It would often be something I’d complain about, but in this case, it was a blessing. The crash caught your attention. Your voice calls my name from downstairs.

I scramble towards the bedroom door and do my best to shout. All that comes out of my now blueing lips is a gag. I slam my fists into my abdomen in a pathetic attempt to dislodge the fruit. I couldn’t feel it move one bit. Repeatedly, I do this. I even grab a nearby book and slam the edge of it up into my stomach.

Nothing worked.

On trembling limbs, I crawled out of the bedroom, unable to keep my drool from slipping from my lips and into the carpet. The stairs are just a few feet away, and now, you’re just a few steps away. I could make it-

My vision darkens as I began to crawl down the first few steps. My body slips and falls, colliding with nearly every step.

That is, until you meet me halfway and catch me in your strong arms. My body’s bucking and practically convulsing with pain and the lack of air. You see my pale lips, my reddened cheeks, the veins in my neck popping as my heart frantically beats away the little oxygen I have left.

You know that I’m unable to breathe, but you don’t know the cause. You simply assume that my heart is having a fit. I’m too slow in bringing my hands to my neck to signal that I’m choking.

So, you quickly tilt my head back, plug my nose, and give me as deep of a breath as you could. I can feel my cheeks expand, I could feel your breath try to make its way down my throat to my starved lungs, but it doesn’t make it there. The pressure from your air makes my ears pop. There’s no where for it to go.

You pull away and adjust my head once more, craning my neck further back in a painful manner. In response, my chest hitches higher and higher against your arms, desperate to get a single bit of your air. My hands painfully claw at my own chest, practically tearing at the material of my shirt, as if that was what was keeping my from breathing. It was as if I was trying to carve into my own body and yank the fruit out of my throat.

Once more, you offered me your air, blowing as hard as you could into me.

The air didn’t reach its destination. Once more, the apple stopped it. Only this time with the air, the fruit seemed to be pushed further down my throat.

I begin to panic more, fighting against your comforting arms and biting your lips. My hands go down to my abdomen to smack into myself once more. Compared to earlier, these are weak, pathetic slaps that barely make my body move. Was i truly this weak already?

I realized that I was dying. My head was pounding with pressure, my surroundings were already graying at the corners of my tearful eyes, and my body was fighting for some small amount of air.

Your eyes widen in both guilt and understanding. It clicked: I was choking.

On the stairs, you position yourself behind me and hook your arms around me. Your fist is placed right above my belly button, and with all of your might, you pull sharply into me.

No noise is made from me as you do this, so you do it again, and again, and again. By this point, I’m limp in your arms and my heads hanging down.

I can barely watch as your arms slam into me. I can barely feel as you begin to drag me upstairs to get me on a flat surface. I can barely feel your warm hands pressing into my cheeks to try and stir a reaction, I can barely feel your lips pressing into mine once more to give me your air, I can barely feel it fail to flow.

I can’t feel your hands as they thrust deep and hard with all of your weight into my body to try and get the apple out. I can barely see as your eyes are wild with horror and dismay. Your body bops up and down against mine. Funny, what would normally be such a pleasant sight of you on top of me is perhaps the very last thing I see.

I hear your voice.

And then I simply don’t.

Everything fades.

Part of life is that it ends.

Will you let this be the end?

#mmmmm not too crazy about this #but also I’m just off of an overnight and am thinking about choking #this is a bit of a fantasy right here #being silently killed and your partner doesn’t realize why you’re dying #so they’re using the wrong method to try and save you #and by the time they realize it’s too late #they try as hard as they can to save you but nothing works #and so comes the cpr when heimlich fails #cpr #resus #my writing #idk about it but ehhhdhdkdbdjdb #might delete I’m not confident in it- #still feeling unsure about my place here but I’d like to #i dunno have a little corner of my own

[emiwasabi]

It's Complicated: Chapter 4

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Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

The last couple months were grueling. Between working at the restaurant, hanging out with Cesar, much to Antonio’s dismay, and trying to prepare for my first year of teaching, I was physically and mentally drained. Geny kept dropping subtle hints about the dark bags under my eyes every morning at breakfast. Hell, even Al took time to look pointedly at them, pushing for me to sleep in Paco’s now cleaned out room instead of the lumpy couch. He said it would give me a better nights’ sleep. The current arrangement was killing my neck and back. But I declined the offer, choosing to sleep on that couch was better than staring at the bedroom ceiling and wishing that Paco would sneak through the door for a nightly smoke session. 

“Cesar!” I yelled, while strolling through his front door juggling three full grocery bags. Cesar dropped the game controller and took two of the bags off my hands, throwing me a furtive glance.

He placed them on the chipped formica counter and started taking stuff out, commenting about the chips and cereal in appreciation. “You didn’t have to do this,” He said. “I could’ve gotten Sad Eyes to get groceries.”

I rolled my eyes and huffed, “Please, the only thing he would buy is beer, bread and peanut butter. Come to think of it, I’m not even sure the guy eats anything. I’ve only ever seen him drink and smoke,” I said while taking the milk out of the bag and putting it in the fridge. Cesar seemed on edge, rubbing the back of his neck and switching his weight from one side to the other. 

Just as I turned around to empty the rest of the bag, it was dragged away towards the end of the counter. I just stared with my head tilted at the sudden odd behavior. “Don’t worry about unloading things, I can do it.” He moved closer and tried to usher me through the kitchen doorway while talking quickly. “I’m sure you’re super busy with getting ready for school and helping with the restaurant. Plus with the whole moving thing, you probably have a lot of packing to do and I wouldn’t want to stand in your way.” He urged with a forced smile. I dug my heels into the ground just at the end of the hallway and whipped around to face him. 

“What the hell has gotten into you?” I demanded with crossed arms. “I’m not even that busy!” I lied. “And school doesn’t start for another three weeks!” Cesar groaned and leaned against the hallway wall, keeping an eye on the front door. 

“Oscar got out today.” It felt like my heart dropped to my stomach. How did it happen so soon? I asked myself while trying to work it out in my head. Has it really been two months already? “I knew there was a possibility of it happening,” he said, staring hard at my shocked expression. “I just didn’t think he would actually get good behavior.” 

I stood there, mouth still hanging open, frozen with disbelief. I wasn’t ready to see him, it was all happening too soon. It’s not like I haven’t thought about this in the last two months. Every scenario that I came up with in my head ended badly. It was like watching an accident happen in slow motion over and over again. “I should go.” I whispered hoarsely. 

Before Cesar could agree and I could get my purse, the front door opened. Heavy footsteps started coming from the living room. “Mano!” Oscar’s voice rang out. I swallowed at the low and gruff tone and moved further into the kitchen, motioning for Cesar to go say hi. Cesar looked as nervous as I felt but he nodded jerkily and put on a smile before running out to the living room. The conversation was muffled but I could hear the excited lift in Oscar’s tone when he commented on his little brother's height, talking about how grown up he had gotten. It broke my heart a little bit to think that he was out of his little brother's life for so long, especially during these pivotal years. That was always the worst case scenario, not being there to take care of his family. 

The voices got clearer, footsteps came closer as they walked down the hallway to the kitchen. Cesar was rambling on about his friends and everything they did that summer while Oscar gave out occasional grunts and interjected with questions. I didn’t have time to prepare to see him for the first time in five years. So when they rounded the corner, I put on a half smile and waited for the reaction. I wasn’t expecting complete elation from the man but I sure as fuck was surprised when he glared at me with such contempt. 

Oscar looked between Cesar and I, eyes zeroed in on the remaining grocery bags scattered across the counter. “What the fuck are you doing here?” He had changed, at least physically. He was tall and lean before prison but now he was buff, with impressive muscles on his arms and shoulders. The head was shaved, typical, but the teardrop on the right corner of his eye was new. A neatly trimmed goatee sat above his lips. And there was something about his demeanor, it was cold and dangerous. His eyes, those beautiful hazel orbs that I loved so much, focused on my rigid posture and rapidly beating heart. It’s like he could hear it from across the kitchen and a small smirk formed on his still plump lips. God, I missed those lips and that smile.

Cesar, clearly picking up on the tension, jumped in between him and I. He gestured towards the grocery bags, “Laney was just dropping some groceries off.” Eyes looked pointedly at me. “I’m sure she needs to go, though.” 

It wasn’t a subtle hint, and there was a part of me that longed to get out of the tense atmosphere. I wanted to run away and pretend I never saw Oscar again. Pretend that he was still the boy that I left five years ago, even though that was impossible. Yet I stayed, frozen against the counter, gripping it for dear life. At least he still had his old habits, jaw tensed up and his left eyebrow raised high above the other. It was a sign that he was agitated, whether that was at me or Cesar, I couldn’t tell. “Go to your room, Cesar,” It was a command and he wanted to follow it, feet started moving in that direction but he stood tall and moved towards his brother. 

“No, you can’t tell me what to do.” I appreciated his attempt but all it took was a long silent glare from the older Diaz and the boy was out the doorway in a flash. Didn’t even turn around to say goodbye. 

Oscar chuckled a bit at the show, like having his brother terrified of him was a good thing. It reminded me of how his father, Cuchillos, raised them. With fear and consequence. It made my stomach twist uncomfortably to think about those times. We both stared at each other for a while in silence, neither of us really knowing what to say. What could we say? It had been five years of zero contact and here I was in his kitchen, feeding his little brother. Oscar sniffed and walked towards the fridge, instantly reaching for a beer. He turned back around and leaned casually against the opposite counter with those hazel eyes locked onto mine. “I heard about the teaching thing. Thought you hated history?” 

There was a slight tilt to the corner of his mouth, like he was remembering our project from so long ago. I shrugged and took a deep breath to calm the nerves. “I liked history, I just hated the teacher.” 

He nodded downing the rest of his beer and running his hand over his mouth. “Mmmhmm, I’m pretty sure he hated you too.” I smiled and pushed my hair behind my hair. Oscar squinted at the grocery bags. “You don’t need to be here, buying shit for him.” Guess we were done going down memory lane. “I got the Santos to cover him.” There was absolute pride in his voice when he spoke about them. That tight feeling in my stomach didn’t let up. 

I rolled my eyes and pushed off from the counter, bypassing him and tearing open the fridge. It was still pretty empty even after the grocery trip. “The only thing that was restocked in here was beer,” Oscar glared at me, daring me to continue. “This thing was practically empty when I moved back here.” I started pulling open cabinet doors now, pointing out the lack of canned goods and pasta. Stuff that’s convenient to have for someone who doesn’t know how to cook. “I’m pretty sure he was relying on takeout but yeah, you’re boys definitely took care of him.” I stated and leaned back in my original position, across the kitchen from him. It was a low blow to rip on the fact that Oscar wasn’t here to take care of Cesar and I regretted the dig as soon as I saw the flash of hurt in his eyes, before it was replaced with anger. Oscar slammed the bottle on the counter and stalked over to me, putting his body flush against mine and putting his hands over mine on the counter so I couldn’t get away. We’ve been in this position before but back then Oscar was looking at me with love in his eyes and a mischievous smirk. My heart jumped at the contact, his tall and strong body pressing against mine. 

“You don’t have a right to come in here and talk about how I raise my brother.” His hot breath fanned over my face, lips inches from mine. My eyes stayed trained on his cross necklace, sitting perfectly against his chest. I breathed in the familiar comforting smell of cologne and cigarette smoke. “He’s not your family.” That one hurt and I breathed in sharply, eyes meeting his and eyebrows scrunched up. “And you aren’t gonna hang around him anymore.”   

“That’s not fair.” I argued. “I was here for him the last couple of months while you weren’t. You can’t just come in here, fresh out of prison and tell me what I am and am not going to do. I don’t give a shit how badass you think you are.” I managed to wiggle my hands out from under his and pushed on his buff chest, wanting to get his body away from me. It was bringing back memories, good memories that were threatening to crumble Oscar’s new personality. He backed off a little, clearly surprised at the aggression and sneered, showing off a brief flash of pearly white teeth. 

“I run shit around here, not you. If I say you’re not buying my family groceries, then you’re not.” He was getting closer again and my heart was beating hard. Oscar would never do anything super drastic and definitely would never hit me but the air in the kitchen felt electrified. It’s like the last five years have turned him into a tyrant, just like his father. “And if I say you’re not gonna be hanging around him, giving false ideas,” Oscar motioned towards his head with wide eyes before pressing his body up against me again. “You sure as hell are not.” My breath hitched at the statement, or was it a threat? 

A timid throat cleared from the doorway where Cesar stood, looking on uncomfortably. “You guys okay?” 

Oscar backed off me after a bit and nodded towards his brother while glancing down at his vibrating phone. He didn’t even look at me, just headed towards his younger brother and clapped him on the shoulder on the way out. He mumbled something about the Santos, causing Cesar to tense up. “Yeah,” He said before turning to me. “Thanks again for all of the stuff you did.” It sounded like a goodbye and rage at his stupid brother filled up my heart. “I’ll see you around.” They both walked out and I looked around momentarily at the empty kitchen. 

I waited until the roar of the Impala faded down the street before rushing to my car. It wasn’t until driving away from the stucco house that I broke down. The tears came fast and hard, like I finally realized that there was truth to what Antonio was saying. This wasn’t the same Oscar that I fell in love with. Maybe he was there, somewhere deep inside. Question was, did I even want to find him? Or was I just gonna let it stay buried? I contemplated these questions while rubbing the running makeup from my face with handy makeup wipes after parking by the Ramirez residence. Knowing Geny, she would be on me instantly if she saw the remnants of my meltdown. 

I was finishing my night hygiene routine in the only bathroom in the house. There was always so much commotion and activity that I had to pick a time that was as late as possible so that I wouldn’t get interrupted. Halfway through brushing my teeth and the off colored white door crept open. Lana peeked through the small slit and whispered. “Can I come in?” 

A huff of exaggeration threatened to leave my mouth, unchecked. The last thing I wanted to do was to sit down and talk out my feelings but the nagging voice in my head said that this is what she needed to talk about. After spitting out the remaining toothpaste and gargling, I mumbled a “yeah”.

She shuffled in wringing her hands nervously and sat on the edge of the tub. “So, what’s up?” It seemed like given the chance, Lana would have immediately spit out the question. The nail biting and pensive look was new. 

“When you were here...before....” She paused again, almost like she was at a loss for words. “Were you dating Spooky?” 

The question was so surprising that the lotion bottle clattered to the ground. “Oh god, sorry.” I whispered, hoping that the noise didn’t wake anyone in the house. “Um, I was. Why would you ask?” I said with knitted eyebrows. 

Lana’s face turned from nervous to angry. She watched me while I rubbed the moisturizer into my face. “I don’t want you to get back together with him, he’s a murderer.” She took a deep breath before admitting the next part. “He’s the one that killed Paco.” 

With that, I turned around harshly and gripped the side of the sink to keep my balance. “Woah woah woah. Lana, that’s a serious accusation.” She nodded solemnly. “Plus, he was in jail when Paco passed away.” 

“I know that. Just because I’m young doesn’t mean I don’t know things…” Her voice was filled with exasperation. 

“Okay,” I mouthed to myself before crouching down on the light blue rug and putting a comforting hand on her back. “You’re right. You’re old enough to know these things. So, when you say that Oscar was the one that killed Paco, what do you mean exactly?” 

She looked down and stared at her fingers. “Well, Paco didn’t really get involved with the Santos until you showed up and started dating Spooky. And I heard him talking to someone...before the fight with papa...about doing something in Prophet territory. Paco was talking to Spooky...and Spooky gave the order. Even though he was shot by a Prophet, he was there because of the Santos. My brother is dead because of that order.” 

It took a lot to keep my composure during her speech. The objection to her statement was on the tip of my tongue. It killed me that the story made sense. I gave Lana a reassuring shoulder squeeze and tipped my head. “I get what you’re saying. I really do. And I promise you that I’ll tell you everything I know when I have the full story.” 

She sniffled quietly and threw her arms around me. “Okay.” came the voice muffled against my shoulder. 

“Good. Can you make me a promise?” Assuming her silence means yes, I continued on. “Can you not tell anyone about Spooky, at least for now? I want to get the full story.” 

A couple more minutes of sniffling and the small arms pulled away from me. “Just be careful with him.” She mumbled before making her way out the bathroom door. 

I stared at the mirror with exhaustion. Moving here was supposed to be a new start, a chance to truly set myself up for success. Even with all the extra baggage that comes with living in a town like Freeridge. Trying to keep my nose out of the Santos business was my goal but it looks like I’m gonna need to make an exception for Paco.

#spooky x reader #oscar diaz #cesar diaz #on my block #angst #santos #East LA #fanfiction

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

Here is the next fic in my old maniel gets it series. Or read it below

Daniel is going to lose his shit.

He’s seated at the table with Louis and Armand.  Louis and Armand have bowls of blood that have been warmed to perfect temperature.  Daniel has veal.  It’s probably some of the best food he’s had in his life.  He can’t taste a bite of it.

Because Armand is beside him, with his bare foot in Daniel’s lap. It rubs up and down over the seam of his pants, pressing against his groin.  Daniel can’t concentrate on a word Louis is saying.  Armand’s foot presses harder and Daniel has to bite his lip to keep from moaning.  

Fuck, he’s so turned on.  And so pissed off.  When he gets Armand alone, he’s going to ream him out and fuck him senseless.  

“Daniel?”

Slowly, Daniel realizes Louis is saying his name and has been for awhile.  Daniel shakes his head and tries to focus on speaking.  The ball of Armand’s foot moves over him in a circle. “Sorry, ah, I’m not feeling well today.”

“We should let Mr. Molloy get some rest,” Armand says.  

Louis agrees, though he eyes him with something like suspicion.  Daniel goes to his room and paces.  Five minutes later, there’s a knock on the door.  Daniel throws it open and drags Armand inside.  

As soon as the door is shut, Daniel shoves him against it.  He's aware that Armand must be letting himself get shoved around and it only makes him angrier.  It's patronizing, is what it is.  

"Nonsense, Daniel.  I let you push me around because it--what's the phrase–turns me on."

Daniel yanks open his pants.  "Yeah?  Playing footsie in front of your boyfriend turn you on?"

"Yes," Armand says simply.

Daniel tugs Armand's shirt over his head.  "You're a menace."

"You like it."

Daniel bites down on a nipple, then soothes it with his tongue.  "I like you."

Shit.  He hadn't meant to say that.

Armand smiles.  "Do you?"

"No, I take it back," says Daniel.  He rolls his eyes. "Yes, you asshole, why'd you have to make me say it?"

"I adore you, Daniel."

Well, that is a little stronger than like.  It makes something warm flutter in Daniel's stomach.  He finds his anger fading and he leans forward and kisses Armand. 

He breaks away and murmurs against Armand's mouth, "I'm still mad."

"Mm.  I can tell," Armand says without an ounce of sincerity.  He sways forward and kisses Daniel again.  Daniel wants to argue, but Armand does that thing where he sucks on his bottom lip.  He can feel the fangs against his mouth and it makes him want them in his neck.  

Daniel pulls away from the kiss and tugs Armand’s face toward his neck.  Armand laughs, “Is there something you’d like, lover?”

“You know what I want, just do it,” Daniel says.  He tightens his hand in Armand’s hair and tries to push him closer.  

Armand kisses his throat.  “Ask nicely.”

Daniel shivers and grits his teeth.  Fucking prick.  “Bite me, dammit.”

Armand scrapes his fangs against his skin, then licks the same path.  “That isn’t asking, Daniel.”

“Armand. Baby.  Come on."

"Close enough."  Armand's teeth sink into him.  

Daniel groans, long and loud.  Armand's mouth pulls the blood from his veins, burning and dizzying.  Daniel feels like he's floating, drowsy and warm.  Jolts of pleasure thrum down his body.

Too soon, Armand pulls away.  Daniel tilts his head back further invitingly.  His hand pulls at Armand's head, trying to bring him back down.  "Just a little more."

"Why don't I put my mouth to better use?" Armand says and sinks to his knees.  He looks up and locks eyes with Daniel as he pulls down his pants and underwear.  "Unless you're still mad?"

There's a playful edge to his voice that Daniel likes.  Something about it makes him feel fond.  "I'm over it."

It's meant to be sarcastic, but comes out unmistakably sincere.  Oh well.  

Armand wraps a hand around the base of his shaft.  He's already hard just from being fed on.  "If you finish before I give you permission, I won't let you fuck me."

That's a hell of an incentive if Daniel's ever heard one.

Then Armand’s mouth is around him and Daniel sees stars.  His tongue swirls around him and his cheeks hollow as he sucks and bobs.  His hand moves where his mouth doesn’t along his cock, and the other comes up to fondle his balls.  Daniel buries a hand in Armand’s hair and rakes nails along his scalp.  Armand licks and sucks and bobs, wet and sloppy, until Daniel’s legs shake.  

The thing about not needing to breathe is that breaks aren’t really required for blow jobs.  It’s a blessing and a curse, because holy shit, Daniel is loving this, but if Armand doesn’t stop then he’s going to come early and ruin things. He tugs on his hair.  “Up, up.”

Armand looks up at him and meets his gaze.  His hands move to Daniel’s hips and he swallows him down to the root.  “Fuck,” Daniel swears as Armand tightens his throat around him. He bobs along Daniel’s length, fucking his cock into his throat.  Tears well in his eyes, but he never looks away from Daniel.  

“Baby, you gotta stop,” Daniel pleads.  There’s no way he can last like this.

Armand pulls off of him with a pop.  Tears stream down his face. Daniel wraps hands around his arms and pulls him up to his feet.  He wants to lick the tears from his face.  So he does, acting on impulse.  

Armand pulls back and looks at him with an unreadable expression.  Daniel feels his face burn.  “I should have asked.”

“It’s alright, Daniel,” Armand says and cups his face.  “I’ll give you what you want.”

He kisses him and his tongue is bleeding.  Daniel chases the blood and immediately feels its effect.  Already the colors seem brighter, more vibrant and his senses enhanced.  He slides his hands to Armand’s waist and pushes down his pants and underwear.  

Daniel hefts Armand up under the thighs.  His legs wrap around Daniel’s waist and his arms go around his neck.  Daniel’s glad the bed is close by–he’s really too old to be lifting another person.  His back will hate him tomorrow.

He breaks away from kissing Armand to drop him onto the bed.  He takes a second to throw off his own clothes, then climbs after him.  He doesn’t know where to start.  He wants to obliterate Armand.  He wants him whining and desperate and keening.  He wants to fuck him so he’ll never forget him.  

Daniel mouths down Armand’s neck to his collar bones.  He loves Armand’s collar bones.  They’re so pretty.  Everything about him is so pretty.  He’s the most beautiful person Daniel has ever taken to bed.  

Daniel sucks a row of bruises across Armand’s collar bones.  Surprisingly, they don’t fade.  The thought of Armand wearing his mark is exhilarating.  He kisses down the center of Armand’s chest, licks his way back up.  Armand even tastes good.  

Armand’s fingers wind in his hair and he sighs softly.  Daniel moves over to a nipple and circles it with his tongue, again and again before lapping over it with his tongue.  He pulls it into his mouth and suckles it until it’s rock hard and Armand is breathing heavily.  He bites down on the hard nub and Armand lets out a small, wordless cry.  His fingers tighten and twist and his back arches.  

Daniel hooks an arm under his knee and hitches it up around his waist.  He grinds his erection down into Armand’s.  Armand digs his heel into Daniel’s back, urging him faster.  Daniel obliges and moves his mouth to the other nipple while he ruts against Armand.  His entire body feels light and floaty, and pleasure is sparking through his veins.  

He doesn’t think he’s ever wanted anyone this badly.

Daniel releases Armand’s nipple with a final tug of his teeth.  Armand moans lightly.  Daniel kisses his way back up to Armand’s ear.  “Lube?” he says, sucking Armand’s earlobe into his mouth.

“Left pocket of my pants,” Armand says, his voice a bit breathy.  Daniel feels a little proud.  He goes to fetch the lube and nearly drops it when he turns around.  Armand is spread out on the bed, legs open.  One hand is twisted in the sheets and the other is stroking over his cock.  His bottom lip is caught between his teeth and his eyes are screwed shut, his head tipped back in pleasure.  Daniel tries to capture a mental image of it.  

“Daniel,” Armand moans, and Daniel stops staring.  He clamors back up the bed and slicks up his fingers.  He slides one over Armand’s pucker, teasing it and pressing it gently, but never breaching.  Armand huffs out Daniel’s name again.  

Daniel leans down and kisses Armand’s inner thigh.  “Something the matter?”

“I want you now, Daniel.  Stop dallying.”

Daniel almost laughs.  “You are so fucking bossy.”

“You like it,” Armand accuses.

“Yeah, I do.”  Daniel places another kiss along Armand’s thigh and sinks his finger inside.  He twists it around and thrusts it gently.  

“Daniel, you can’t hurt me.  There’s no need for this.  Put it inside me.”

“You’re doing wonders for my ego, babe.”  

“Daniel, I’m losing pa-”

Daniel slicks up his cock and buries himself inside Armand.  Armand’s words falter and he moans.  His nails rake down Daniel’s back, sharp and deadly.  They cut him, leaving shallow scratches along his shoulder blades.  

Daniel winces and nips at Armand’s lower lip.  “Careful with those daggers.”

“I like to leave marks too, darling.”

Fuck, that’s hot.  Daniel takes a second to breathe.  Not taking the time to prep Armand has left him extraordinarily tight. It’s so fucking good Daniel feels like a teenager with his first serious girlfriend, her letting him fuck her for the first time, how he had to try so hard not to come.  The frantic, desperate need to make it good, make it last.  (It hadn’t, in the end.  But Daniel was good with his mouth and made up for it.)

Armand wiggles beneath him and Daniel rocks his hips forward.  He grinds into Armand and rolls his hips up to meet him.  He feels amazing.  

Daniel sits up and splays Armand’s thighs over his lap, lifting his hips off the bed.  He pistons into him and Armand moans, high and breathy.  Daniel keeps it up, setting a brutal pace.  His hips are going to ache like a motherfucker tomorrow, but it’s worth it now.  Armand writhes beneath him and keeps making cut off little noises.  “Fuck, you feel good.”

Armand clenches around him and Daniel has to stop to keep from coming.  The second he takes to rest is too long for Armand, who pushes him onto his back and climbs on top of him. He sinks back down onto his cock in one easy motion.  Both Daniel and Armand groan as he does.

Then Armand is riding him in earnest, hands resting on Daniel’s chest and thighs splayed wide open around him.  Daniel figures he should've known the little shit would wrestle back control.  He slides his hands from Armand’s hips to his ass, squeezing both hands full.  Armand shivers and he gets a wonderful idea.  He slides one finger in alongside his cock and Armand shudders.  

His pace increases and Daniel twists his finger in and out.  Armand sits up higher, and takes one hand down to his leaking cock.  The other slides up Daniel’s chest to his neck and closes around it, squeezing gently.  

Daniel can still breathe; it’s not as easy as usual, but he can breathe. His airway is partly constricted, and Armand is looking at him with smoldering eyes.  

“Do you like it?”

It’s Armand’s voice in his head.  It feels oddly familiar, like a phone call home.  “Yeah.  You gonna choke me?”

He’d tried that once with a fuck buddy from work. Work wasn’t the best place to find a fuck buddy, and Daniel knew that.  But his dick led him to dangerous places.  

“If you’d like.”

“Do it.”

Armand’s hand tightens until Daniel can’t suck in any air at all.  He watches Armand ride him, hand flying over his own cock.  He’s the best thing he’s ever seen.  He wants to commit the sight of him to memory.  And he feels so fucking good around him.  Sublime.  Daniel’s lungs start to burn and the dizziness kicks in.  Armand sounds so pretty moaning above him.  Spots start to appear in his vision.  

Armand comes over his hand and contracts around him.  Daniel can’t help but tip over the edge, as just before he passes out, Armand releases his hold on him.  Sensation floods through him at once, everything sparking and singing.  He can’t help but come.  The orgasm crashes over him like a tidal wave, making his whole body tingle.  

Armand flops down on top of him and crosses his arms over Daniel’s chest.  He props his chin up on his folded wrists and looks at Daniel with something Daniel could swear is fondness.  Daniel reaches a hand up and tucks the curl falling across his forehead back in place.  Something swells in his chest as he looks at him.  

“Hey, wanna hear something crazy?”  

“What is it, Daniel?” Armand says.  

“I adore you too."

#iwtv fic #daniel molloy #armand #daniel/armand #armand/daniel #smut

[bpdamn]

i don’t deserve happiness, that’s why it always slips away. i don’t deserve kindness, that’s why i‘m tortured by my own mind. i don‘t deserve peace, that’s why i‘m still alive

#i’m trying so hard but life keeps on pushing me further towards the edge #i can’t take it anymore… #text #vent #bpd #actually bpd #borderline #actually borderline #ptsd #actually ptsd #actually traumatized #childhood trauma #depressed #depression #bipolar #actually bipolar #mentally ill #mental illness #broken #spilled words #lonely #sadcore #suicidal

[sukirichi]

black magic [02]

request. arranged marriage + enemies to lovers (sukuna is a simp and lowkey a housewife) + sukuna’s first time with his wife

cw. slight angst, insecurities, lots of making out, virginity loss, fingering, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasm, sukuna worships reader, spitting, cum eating, teasing! sukuna, face-off kamasutra position, soft dom! sukuna, unedited fic, pwp

song inspo. leave the door open (bruno mars)

note. i want a husband sukuna 

part one | part two

Sukuna gently takes your palm into his, soft and warm lips meeting your bruised knuckles that have seen years of hard work in exorcising curses like him. Uncanny that he showed so much affection to his enemy by nature, treating you with such care and tenderness that shouldn’t have been so possible for an evil creature like him. You’re supposed to love it, be grateful for it, yet his sweet gestures only irritate you, even more so when he retires to bed just like that without even so much sparing a glance your way.

You’ve been married for a year now that you’ve had enough of his confusing gestures towards you. One moment, he was showering you with love, regarding you like you were the light of his life before he’s walking away the next moment and pretending you don’t exist.

He was so infuriating. He would kiss you and hold you, but never touch you or be in the same room with you any longer than an hour. Even in bed, he’s always making sure his back is turned to you, peeling your arms off of him each time you attempt to cuddle him on times it got too cold. It hurts and dwells dangerously at the back of your mind – it would’ve been better if he got angry at you and announced he despised you, but he never did – that his hot and cold nature bothered you more than anything else.

You’ve eventually had enough that you just stopped caring. Barging in during his bath time, your nostrils flare upon seeing your husband so relaxed in the tub. Even after a year of marriage, he’s so unaffected and unaware by your need for him.

He really doesn’t care.

“Little one,” Sukuna blinks as he sits up from the tub, strong arms hanging off the edges of the bed. You admit; he really was beautiful and a desirable man that you couldn’t help it, couldn’t help but crave the one thing you knew you weren’t supposed to have. “What’s wrong?”

“Do you not want me?” you suddenly demand, tears already streaming down your face faster than you would like. Hell, you never wanted to cry in the first place. “Am I not desirable enough for you?”

Sukuna chuckles nervously.

Oh, great, now he’s nervous around you?

“What are you going on about?”

“Don’t act like I don’t know what you’re doing,” you snap, “Every time we go to bed, you always put some distance between us and keep to your side of the bed. You push me away when I try to reach for you and you never touch me or kiss me on the lips. I-I understand this marriage was against your will, but I’m still your wife and I need you, okay?” chest tightening uncomfortably, you place a hand over your poor, aching heart that is further crippled when Sukuna’s face falls. “I just feel like...you’re sickened by me, like you cannot stand to be with me in the same room as me. It makes me feel like...it would’ve been better if I wasn’t here.”

You don’t know what kind of response you’re expecting from him after your outburst, but definitely not him standing up to loom over you. You respectfully avert your eyes from the sinful image of water dripping down his defined body, but it’s too late and he’s too close already that you won’t be surprised if he can hear your heartbeat pumping frantically.

He was large and imposing, truly a terrifying sight right before you especially with his tattoos that trail and wrap all around his muscular thighs, yet you’re not nervous because he could hurt you.

Rather, you’re agitated because he’s so close, so within reach that if you step a little closer, you could easily find the warmth you’ve been dreaming of for so long.

You’re frustrated because you want him though you shouldn’t.

Just then, Sukuna caresses your cheek and pulls the both of you back in the tub with you above him, and him lazily grinning above you. You gasp, abashed, that your clothes were soaked to the brim and it stuck close to your damp skin until it took the shape of your silhouette. Sukuna, on the other hand, is completely unbothered as he eyes your pebbled nipples poking through the thin material of your nightgown and simply drags you forward on his thighs.

“S-Sukuna—”

“You really have no idea, do you?” he whispers lowly, his long claws carefully tracing down the sides of your jaw. “My innocent, little lamb...the reason I distance myself from you is because every waking day that you are right beside me, my self-restraint thins, and I’m not sure I can hold back a little longer from you taming me,” Sukuna’s dark eyes brims with something unreadable as he holds your gaze. The look he wears is beyond intense that he takes your breath away, literally, and you’re left gaping at him silently. “I push you away because I want you more than anything else, but I respect you and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You-you want me?”

“Clearly, little one, you’re inherently unaware of how captivating you are,” Sukuna says as if if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, and you shiver at his words – or from the cold water, you don’t really know. “Stop looking at me like you want me to kiss you. I may not stop once I get a taste of you. Like I said before – I won’t touch you unless you asked.”

You do remember him saying that from your first time together, but your head goes blank, and no words leave your lips even as you mouth nonsense.

Sukuna taps your lips. “Speak, little one. You need to use your big girl words.”

“Kiss me,” you vociferated in one breath, desperately clutching on your thighs. “Please.”

For a moment, you think he’s going to push you away as his eyes narrow into suspicion, but soon he’s tugging at your collar to bring you down for a heated kiss. Sukuna is tugging your robes down until your collarbones are exposed, his tongue and lips leaving yours to leave marks and love bites all over the patch of skin instead. You tug at his hair as you crane your neck to the side, succumbing to the undeniable pleasure his warmth and greediness consumes you with.

Grinding down on his groin, you notice he’s already hard. Hard for you, and this realization makes you kiss him back hungrily as you whimper above him.

Sukuna is feverishly sucking on your tongue and pawing at your breasts the next instant before the spell is immediately broken just as it happened. For before you could reciprocate the same amount of eagerness he kissed you with, Sukuna is already sliding you off of him until you’re on the other side of the tub, left staring at him wordlessly with his lips red and swollen.

“Not today, little one. I think that’s enough.”

You hear your heart shatter into pieces. Pride; it was about the only thing you had, but it seemed even that had been taken away from you.

“You really don’t want me.”

Your voice cracked as your eyes began to tear up.

“No, love, that’s not what I meant,” he groans into his hands, “Believe me, I’d spent enough nights sweaty and frustrated knowing I can’t ravish you and have those lush thighs around me already,” waiting for him to continue, Sukuna sighs and holds you closer, though he could only caress your knee right now that you’re wary of getting hurt again. “This is your first time, okay? I want to make it special for you – you’re not experiencing bliss with me if it happens impulsively with you barging in my bath.”

Something like hope lights up inside you.

“Y-you’ll really do that for me?”

“Tch, brat, don’t go all soft on me now. I wouldn’t suggest testing my patience even further,” he playfully flicks your forehead when you tried to kiss him again, but Sukuna is already tilting his cheek to other side before you could. You would’ve been heartbroken again that he’s refused you, but his words held more than reassurance – and so did his uncomfortably hard cock – that all previous insecurities vanished into thin air.

Sukuna grabs you by the waist to plant your feet on the ground outside the tub, carrying you as if you were nothing more than a ragdoll to him. “Now go and get changed. I’ll fuck you another time.”

“Don’t say it like that!”

“My deepest apologies, little one,” he commented sarcastically with a roll of his eyes, though his smile turned genuinely warm the last minute. “I’ll make love to you when you’re ready.”

He must’ve lied.

You’re annoyed because Sukuna is intentionally avoiding you and acting like you don’t exist. Pissed off, you go into a curse exorcising spree to get the King of Curses out of your mind, reminding yourself that he was vile like them and he didn’t deserve even a second of your time.

Although no matter how hard you tried, your mind still kept racing back to him even as you come back home, bloody and tired when you realize the temple is eerily quiet. Not a living soul could be found around, no servant fretted at your arrival and your husband most definitely did not lurk in the shadows like he usually did. The only sign the temple hadn’t been abandoned yet were the lines of candles trailing down the hall to your shared room with him, and you gasp as you see the petals decorating the bed and rose-scented candles lit everywhere.

Sukuna was nowhere to be seen.

But he was felt as he kisses your neck, his hands untying the knots of your yukata. You stiffen in reflex before relaxing as soon you recognize his scent. Behind you, Sukuna pauses, his lips still in the column of your neck.

“You’re upset.” He wasn’t asking; rather observing.

“Not anymore,” you mumble in response, although you weren’t entirely convinced even as you come closer to the bed, your husband trailing behind with his pinky looped to yours. “Did you do all this for me?”

“Yes. Do you like it?”

“I love it, thank you,” you hide your smile for him, not wanting him to see that it’s so easy to alleviate your anger to him. He has to earn your approval again, so you turn to him with a forced scowl and arms crossed against your chest. “But why were you ignoring me for days?”

You intended to look intimidating, but the King of Curses only laughed.

“You look cute when you’re mad. Plus, it made you want me more than you already do, didn’t it?” he chastised, the implications of his words making you pout in humiliation. Sukuna is quick to step closer to you, cupping your cheeks into his hand, and you hated how easily you leaned into his touch. Nevertheless, you turned away from him, using all your energy to muster your most serious ‘I’m not bothered’ face.

“Aw, don’t be shy, it’s written all over your face, little one,” he breathes on the shell of your ear, hands trailing down to lightly drape your clothes below your shoulders. Unable to hold it back, you end up shivering at his featherlike touches.

“It’s okay. I loved hearing your soft whimpers every time you touched yourself in the bath, thinking that I’m probably not around to hear, hm? You forget I sense everything,” his laugh is mocking yet laced with lust, “From the frantic singing of your heart, the way you tense up a little when I’m around, or the way those beautiful legs of yours clench together each time my robe is a little loosened,” Sukuna dips his nose right under your jaw where his tongue darts out to lick a flat stripe down your neck, and just like that, you’re breathlessly clutching on his white robes that are already unfastened. Damned tease.

“Even the smell of your arousal is enticing me to enrapture you right now, little one. I can practically hear the silent begging in that pretty little head of yours.”

You forgot how to breathe.

“B-but I’m dirty, I just finished exorcising curses.”

“Would it be comedic if I said I am aroused at the thought my wife could easily end me right here and now?” shaking your head at him, Sukuna smiles mysteriously. “But you won’t, would you? You need me too much for that,” he leans closer than he already was before, his lips just a breath away from yours. “Tell me, do you want me?”

“Yes,” you whispered breathily, “Please, Sukuna, touch me.”

“It’s my love to you.”

“Not Your Majesty?”

“Hmm, that is delightful to hear as well,” he says, “But let’s our drop our titles. For now, whatever happens between us is intimately between man and wife. Now go clean up, little one. I’ll be waiting for you once you’re ready.”

You waste no time into darting to the bath, scrubbing the blood and dirt on each nook and crevice of your body until you’re squeaky clean. You’re about to head back to bed when you quickly practice puckering your lips to make yourself look desirable, muttering hopefully flirty lines that would make your husband want you more before calling it quits from the embarrassment you caused upon yourself.

By the time you’ve completely dried and moisturized yourself to absolute perfection that you’re confident of yourself, you find Sukuna emptily staring into the ceilings. “Done already? Someone’s eager.”

You roll your eyes at him. Why did you like him again?

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Gladly, little one,” he confides, patting his thighs to encourage you to climb onto him. Now that things were actually getting real and your endless dreams would soon become reality, your palms grow sweaty as you settle yourself onto his lap. “You tell me right away if I’m hurting you, you understand? One word and I’ll stop; though I doubt you’ll be in your right mind to want to stop once I’ve had my way with you.”

You don’t really understand much of what he’s saying anymore.

He’s kissing you so slowly, so passionately and you’re both undressing each other that nothing but desire and lust clouds your thoughts in that moment. You’re drunk on the sweet taste of him, his natural musky scent beyond intoxicating for your mortal self to handle. Too lost in the bliss of finally being intimate with him, you don’t realize Sukuna has already pushed your towel down until it pools at your waists. His sharp intake of breath is the only thing that pulls you back to reality as he greedily takes in each beautiful curve and dip of your body.

His stare is so fervid that you grow shy and cover yourself, where Sukuna quickly grips your wrist as a warning. “No. You do not hide yourself from me.”

“Then stop staring too much.”

“Is it a sin to appreciate divine beauty?” he tilts his head to the side and blinks at you innocently. “You are ethereal, my wife.”

Before you could be too flustered to respond, Sukuna fortunately saves you from the embarrassment by kissing you again, though it doesn’t last long before his mouth is trailing from your collarbone and down to your breasts. You mewl as Sukuna eagerly sucks on one breast, the other showered with attention from his rough, calloused palms. Meanwhile, you push his clothes away to expose his strong shoulders which you use as leverage because his ministrations make you feel like you’re losing control over your own body.

Rolling your hips on his erect cock, Sukuna groans through your skin, squeezing your breast hard enough that you can’t take it anymore right after he tweaks your nipple. “Love, please, I need you right now.”

“Patience, little one,” he reminds, “I need to prepare you well.”

“I’ve been waiting for months, Sukuna, I’m sure I’m more than ready.”

“Emotionally, sure, but physically?” he chuckles darkly, “Little one, do you not understand your nimble fingers cannot compare to my cock? I might hurt you if you’re not stretched out enough.”

“Then stop kissing me and start—” you’re cut off with a gasp, your nails sinking down harder into his skin the moment his fingers began to rub at your pussy. “Y-your claws—”

“I kept them for years, but I had to cut them just for you, little one. What do you have to say about that?”

“Thank you,” you offer with a breathy moan, head falling into his shoulder from the overwhelming yet welcomed intrusion. “Oh, Sukuna, it’s too good, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can,” he bites the shell of your ear and tugs at the lobe, basically biting it between his teeth to distract you from another long and thick digit pushing past your walls. “One more?”

“O-oh!” his thumb has now joined the party by rubbing soothing circles on your clit, effortlessly pulling your lips aside with the rest of his digits to expose your sensitive bundles of nerves for him. Sukuna keeps his eyes on yours the whole time, watching and drinking in the face you make – pleasure written all over your features from the swollen lips, pupils blown wide, and desire pooling in swirls of curiosity and eagerness. It’s a face he never wants to forget; a face he wants to see more of that Sukuna eventually lays you down against the pillows, admiring how unreal you looked in that moment.

Hair splayed all over the pillow, legs spread wide open with his hands caressing your core, and a strong arm gripping his with small gasps accompanied by desperate calls for his name to do more, please you more – your words instantly translate into commands.

“You are so beautiful,” Sukuna praises rather angrily, “Never forget that. Each inch of you, fuck, you are the most dangerous mortal, you know that?”

You don’t have time to react before he’s going down on you and spreads your legs apart, keeping them pinned down to the bed. The stretch hurts but he easily soothes your pain by massaging your inner thighs, crawling down to kiss your ankles, then licking all the way up to your knee where he stops for a second, only to happily be on your sopping cunt the next moment. He’s peppering barely there kisses to your inner thighs just on your outer lips, his breath warm and teasing on your heat.

It feels like he intends to ruin you tonight.

“Sukuna, stop teasing!”

“What do you want me to do, little one?” he grins from between your legs, the vibrations of his chuckles resonating deep within your cunt that sporadically clenches right in front of his face that’s shamelessly imprinting your scent deep into his memory. “How can I make you feel good?”

“You know how!”

“You need to tell me so I know. I can’t read your mind.”

“Your mouth...”

Sukuna’s smile grows wider the longer you struggle to find your words, but exactly how in the world could you say such vulgar things out loud? He is far more patient tonight than any other day, however, that Sukuna props himself to his elbows to peer up at you innocently. “Where do you want my mouth and what should I do with it?”

Swallowing the rest of your pride, you finally utter: “T-taste me...down there.”

“Here?” he prods your clit, pulling a high-pitched gasp from you. Your husband’s smirk is nothing short of condescending just before he finally kisses your clit, sucking the bud into his mouth until you writhe before him. It takes minimal effort for someone of his strength to hold your legs in place, his grip just tight enough to be commanding. The thought of being completely in his mercy made your head spin in circles, your chest heaving up and down from the pleasure he was blessing yet torturing you with. “You’re so responsive, little one. I’m honoured I’m the one who gets to make you feel like this.”

“M-more, please, I need more.”

You expect him to tease you further, but your husband must’ve noticed that you’re too edged and decided to have pity on you. He doesn’t waste another second before he’s wrapping his lips around your pussy, treating it as if it were your own lips that always tasted like honey.

Sukuna is completely immersed in the act of pleasuring you with his tongue only, so much so that he’s silent aside from the little hums he lets out while you moan for him.

Unable to care about being too loud anymore (not that you needed to since Sukuna had made everyone go back home to give you both privacy) you find yourself throwing your head back, legs falling open wider to grant him deeper access to your most sensitive parts. Sukuna continues to massage your inner thighs and even drags the back of your knee to rest on his muscular back littered with battle scars and tattoos, the dark markings on his skin flexing with each movement. His eyes are closed and his nose is grazing against your swollen clit that had reddened already, your pussy lips opening up like a new world he had to explore, and explore he would.

Your hands find solace in his hair the shade of gentle sunsets that were often shared in lazy kisses and subtle touches, nails dragging across his scalp just enough to make your husband hiss right between your legs. Something begins to tighten in your belly as you grind your clit onto his face, too absorbed in the mind-numbing sensation of his tongue now poking against your entrance and the past barrier slowly blooming open to welcome him.

With shaking legs and a chest drenched in sweat, pebbled nipples further stimulated by the cold breeze drifting in from the windows, your eyes snap open as that rope snapped deep within your belly.

Your gaze shoots down below you to watch your husband ardently lapping your juices like a man starved. Now this wasn’t new to you – you’ve heard enough about the King of Curses and his bloodlust. Whispers of his thirst and desire to slay entire towns and even feast on mortals’ souls was enough to keep you at bay when you were still a young sorcerer, for it was already a blatant warning that Sukuna would feed on anything and anyone, that his hunger was quite something that couldn’t be satiated.

But seeing him unhinged and a slave to pleasing you has never felt more erotic that you ride out your orgasm, toes curling and legs trembling every now and then from the aftershocks of your high.

Slowly, Sukuna darts out his tongue one last time just to leave a teasing touch to your clit before he’s crawling right above you again. The ceiling is obscured by his large frame hovering over you, arms trapped between your head and his gallant member poking just between your thighs. You end up shivering under him as your husband regards you – with affection, pride, curiosity – gentle in comparison to his true nature in caressing your cheek, both of you unbothered by the slick that meets your skin.

“Are you okay?” he breathes out, watching your fucked out smile bloom into a felicitous grin.

“Perfect,” you mumble, although rather shyly. You’d seen him naked before, but never hard, and never with the intention that soon you’d truly be connected – in heart, in body, in mind, and in soul. The thought makes your heart skip a beat, your eyelids growing hooded as Sukuna absentmindedly traces patterns on the curve of your hip. “Sukuna...you’re perfect.”

Your husband laughs, the sound of his glee contagious that you’re chuckling with him as well. “Have you seen yourself, little one? I think I fall for you harder each day.”

His sudden confession brings about a silence in the room, but it wasn’t comfortable, and neither was it tense. If anything, it destroys any traces of previous hesitation and pent up anger that’s only been formed in the first place due to the fact he was Curse and you a sorcerer.

The nature of your relationship had been paradoxical to begin with, perhaps even beastly, but nothing was beastly about it now as you wrap an arm around his neck to bring him closer to you. And Sukuna was just that – the man, the Curse, the feared King whose simple mention of his name made mere mortals tremble – the same person that somehow understands your silence better than anyone. No words were needed when he could read your mind and knew his way around your heart a little too much, not once leaving his lips on yours as he sits on the edge of the bed and pulls you before him. Both of your skins are hot and flushed, yet you’re greedily touching and pulling at one another, his large palms clawing at your ass to pry your pussy lips open while you drag your nails down his chest.

He grunts into your mouth; the sound deep and masculine that it vibrates all the way down to your core. You gasp into his mouth – your breath immediately swallowed by his tongue that dances with yours – once you feel him slip inside.

The stretch is unlike anything you’ve felt before.

You’ve fought and exorcised countless of curses that pain was no stranger to you at this point, but never had you felt so...alien to a sensation both tragic and addicting. Pulling away to breathe air back into your lungs, your forehead knocks with Sukuna until your noses are brushing against the others, mouth hanging open as your walls struggle to accommodate him.

“Oh, oh god,” you mewl above him, eyes wide open as you witness each inch of his cock disappearing from the motion of you swallowing his length whole. He was big; terrifyingly so, and you shake with fear that you wouldn’t be able to take him or that he might rip you apart. “Su-Sukuna—”

“You’re fine,” he reassures by pulling your cheeks back to him, your delicate face trapped between his rough hands. Although his eyes are dark with lust, there’s a tenderness behind them that placates you. “You can tell me to stop if it hurts. Do you want me to stop?”

“No.”

There’s no lie or hesitation behind your voice. Sukuna watches your face carefully to detect any sign of discomfort, but you want this, want him, and the pleasure combined with the tolerable sting only makes you desire him even more. The mere fact that there had to be pain and sacrifice, that you had to place your whole trust in him before you could truly succumb to the pleasure and love that created light and hope in this world was enough for you to want to keep going.

“I’m okay,” you tell him, and Sukuna wipes away the frown on your face with the pads of his fingers.

He allows you to go at your own pace until you’re completely seated on his cock, the heated member throbbing so hard inside you that you think he’s poking and prodding right deep into a place where you could hold him close the most.

It’s too much and too good that for once, you let your walls crash down as you bury yourself in his shoulder. Sukuna holds you closer by pulling you right into his chest, large arms wrapped around your frame while your breasts tease the rugged and taut muscles of his body. Even the slightest movement of you adjusting yourself on his lap makes his cock graze against your bumpy walls that you’re both moaning left and right. As you struggle to make sense of the sensations bursting within you, Sukuna’s self restraint hangs dangerously by a piece of thread. You can tell by how he’s cupping your ass and lifting your body up effortlessly before he slides you back down on his thick pole, that single, simple gesture repeated over and over again along with him bringing his hips back up to meet your warmth sending a scorching heat all over your body.

“Love, that’s, fuck,” you curse incoherently, and upon hearing a profanity leave your otherwise innocent lips makes something snap inside your husband.

Sukuna is gripping onto your hips for dear life as he bounces you up and down on his cock, tilting his head back just to scrutinize your connected bodies. A thick ring of white cream surrounds the base of his cock until it slides down on his veiny cock, sounds of skin slapping against skin and the loud squelching of your pussy even more beautiful than the screams mortals have moments right before their death in his hands. But Sukuna be damned – you felt too good that this might as well have been his death.

“You feel so fucking good,” he praises through gritted teeth, easily manhandling you and throwing you back on the bed where he’s on you in a second. “Look at you, little one, taking my huge cock so well. It’s like you’re made just for me – you want to be with me, don’t you? I would please you, fuck you good every day, yes, fuck!”

Sukuna ended up hitting a spot that equated to uncharted territory, causing you to tighten around him with a sharp cry. “Oh, right there, right there!” you rub your clit for further stimulation, moaning louder when he hoists both your legs on his chest.

He presses your legs and hugs his around his arms, flipping it to the side until your feet are right beside his ears. Sukuna has gone completely feral – his pace and drive animalistic, growling like a predator consuming his prey before he softens, kissing your ankles just as he grips your legs to make them squish together. The sudden lack of space makes your pussy tighter and more sensitive for him that you’re fisting the sheets right beside you, too fucked out to even form a coherent sentence. You’re babbling mindlessly on how good he’s making you feel, completely limp and motionless under him from how deep he’s hitting.

“Please, please, please—” you cry out, reaching out just seconds away from your orgasm with the need to touch him. Sukuna gives in and lets go of your legs until they fall at your side, stretching you out further from when he leans forward to capture your lips in a kiss.

He’s caressing your cheeks and swipes a thumb over your tears, quite nearly folding your half. His balls are slapping against your ass the harder he thrusts inside you, but his hips are stuttering and he’s panting right beside your ear that you can tell he’s close. It prompts you to wiggle under him to wrap your legs around his waist, bringing him closer and clutching his scalp just to have him impossibly close, because even thinking about letting him go sounds too painful, especially now that he’s claimed you as his just as you’ve marked him yours.

“I worship you,” he blurts out with a few final thrusts that has you crumbling under him in a silent scream, your focus completely on his dark, passionate eyes as you came. Sukuna then laces his fingers through yours while he pumps himself inside you, your walls milking him of everything he’s got. “You are divine, my wife, you have bewitched me for eternity.”

“Sukuna,” you call out weakly, and he’s quick to litter kisses all over your face from your whimpers. “Sukuna-I-I—”

“Shh, I know, I know,” Sukuna places a finger on your lips, letting you calm down from that earth shattering orgasm he just gave you. He pulls his spent dick out a minute later and scoops up your cum that’s spilling out from your pussy lips, his gaze never leaving yours the whole while he sucks his fingers inside his mouth. He’s so dirty and erotic that you’re clenching around nothing once more, but he shakes his head with a low chuckle as if he can sense you want more. Sukuna kisses you just to transfer the cum mixed with spit right onto your tongue, gripping your jaw when your eyes widen at him. “Swallow it, little one. That’s just a taste of what I could give to you.”

You don’t know what pulled you to actually swallow it – it tastes bitter and even a little salty, though it had a bittersweet tinge of scent to it that you don’t mind, especially not when Sukuna just stares at you like you’re most his prized possession.

Sukuna is right by your side the next moment. He’s tamed the next moment, pure comfort and bliss from the way he’s tenderly running his fingers up and down the sides of your body like he’s memorizing the feel of you around him. You both don’t say anything as you place your cheek right above his chest, arms locked on his chest in a desperate cling, but neither does he want you to let go. Sukuna threads his fingers on your hair before you feel his lips caress the crown of your head, mumbling sweet nothings right as you’re welcoming sleep.

Until he taps your breast.

“Little one?”

“Yes?”

“We never had our honeymoon, do we?” he queries, and you twist your head to face him as your brows draw together in thought.

“No, I don’t think we did. I pushed you away from me on our first night together, remember?”

Sukuna’s eyes shone with mischief. “How could I forget? You tried to kill me right after our wedding,” both of you share a laugh at the memory, though there were no more harsh feelings or contempt shared, only love, and love only. Sukuna softens under your gaze as your chuckles tinker down to a giggle, your finger teasingly drawing circles on his chest as you bite your lip. And like always, Sukuna knows you just a little too well. “I know that look. What is it that you want, little one?”

“You.”

“Me?” he repeats with a dark chuckle that sends heat right down to your womanhood. “You already have me, little one, your wish has been granted a long time ago.”

Your face burns. “I mean, I want you. Again. One more.”

“One more?”

“Or maybe a lot more,” you pipe up, but Sukuna’s smirk is growing more and more devious that your former tenacity soon dwindles down into meekness. “O-only if you want to. You must be tired.”

“Little one, I’m the King of Curses, did you really think I would be tired from fucking my sweet little wife?” At his words, Sukuna tilts your chin until you’re left with no choice but to be held captive under his lust. He leans down to teasingly bite your bottom lip, and you’re already breathing hard as you feel his hands begin to trail down to your core that’s more than eager to take him all over again. “Like I said, I worship you, and I’m nothing but a bewitched man who would gladly fuck his wife as long as she asks.”

Safe to say, you couldn’t exorcise curses for quite some time.

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[folkloreguk]

💌🧸 Brother's Best Friend

A/N: Got this request a while ago and now I'm wondering why I've never written this trope before bc this was so fun??? Lmk how you liked it! x

genre: optional bias (m) x reader (f), smut, size/strength kink??, choking, dom!bias (it’s kinda playful tho), brother's best friend!au, sneaking around, play fighting, lowkey getting caught but not directly?

words: ~ 4.1 k

disclaimer: I don’t mean for the age gap to be gigantic…I’m talking about anything from 1-2 years maximum tbh!!! Anything else would be weird and I’m not about that! They’re also both obviously consenting adults!

[H/N means 'his (bias) name']

In youreyes, your first meeting had been a disaster. The new spider man movie had been released only days ago, and you were adamant on seeing it. And to your luck, your older brother and his best friend had already made plans to watch it together. As a little sister, you were treated like the baby of the family, and it didn’t matter that you were far from being an infant anymore. So naturally, your brother had been condemned by your parents to bring you along. He declared his distaste in your presence by attempting to ignore you, but you were used to that. Just like you were aware of his bad moods, you knew he could change within minutes and magically turn into the sweetest, most caring big brother you could wish for.

Whatever. You didn’t need his approval to enjoy the trip to the movie theater, you told yourself. Had it not been for his best friend, who you hadn’t seen in ages. H/N and you had never properly spoken before, and the last time you saw him he had been an awkward, prepubescent boy who had appeared at your door to pick up your brother for a playdate. There was no trace of immaturity now. Instead, it was you who had morphed into an awkward, shy mess at the sight of him.

His ‘hello’ had a warm and deep melody to it which swooped you up in his aura so suddenly, you had no time to prepare. Had his smile always been this stupidly charming? Hell, it was so bright, you had to meticulously inspect the ground every time he sent a grin your way. When before you hadn’t felt guilty for being a bother, you now sure did. What impression would you leave, trailing behind the older boys like a lost puppy? What would he take you for? The annoying little sister who didn’t have friends of her own? The mood-killer, who wouldn’t understand any of the boys’ inside jokes? The anti-social, weird girl who was obsessed with fictional men, like people loved to belittle teenage girls with normal interests?

As things turned out, his initial opinion of you was quite the opposite. If only you could have spied into his brain, it would have saved you a landslide of worry. Although your brother took up all of H/N’s attention before the movie started, he noticed you a good amount. To be precise, you blew him away at first sight. Your cute laugh won him over in a matter of seconds and he liked that your merch sweater could have been stolen straight out of his own closet. He didn’t want to feel too smug, but the way you diverted your eyes away from him whenever he looked in your direction only boosted his confidence further.

Your brother might have warned him. Stay away from her. She’s off limits for you. But not a thousand vicious, older brothers could have kept him from trying to get to you. It was up to you, after all, whether you wanted him around or not, and not to your brother. From that day on, H/N didn’t skip out on a chance to see you, even if it meant merely an exchange of a few words, or a simple greeting. And to his luck, you turned out to be equally as enraptured by him.

There was something about the untouchable, the forbidden, that attracted him to you even more. Plus, you were simply too precious to forget about. One morning, you dropped off a beanie at his place, which he had left at your house after meeting with your big brother the previous day. When he had asked if he could drive you to school as a thank you, you happily accepted. You had marked that day as the first day of your new life. First, it was harmless flirting. To be honest, you were under the impression he was merely messing with you. Because you were the cute little sister of his best friend. Because you would turn into an awkward shell of a person who had lost all ability to articulate, and your cheeks would burn as if they were on fire, whenever he charmed you.

But the flirting slowly reached newer levels, and before you knew it you were discussing your sexual fantasies over text messages and giving him bedroom eyes as you opened the front door for him. “H/N’s here!” you would then shout to your big brother. Then you would watch the two boys walk off to your brother’s room, pondering why life had to be this way for you. It wasn’t fair. Siblings were supposed to share, right? Why did you have to wait your turn until after midnight, when no one would notice, to spend time with H/N?

But to H/N, the sneaking around in the middle of the night and the secret messages you sent to each other, it all added to the excitement. Surely, there were days on which he wished he could just break the truth to your brother. The impact it could have on their friendship was enough intimidation for him to refrain, though. Things were better off this way, for now.

Today was no exception to your usual lies. When your brother asked if you would go out with him to do some shopping, you had played the victim and feigned a stomachache. Your parents wouldn’t be home all weekend. You’d have been stupid to waste a perfect opportunity like that. Who knew when you could have H/N in your bed the next time? Normally, you were restricted to his car, or to his bed in the dark of night. Yes, those places had something enticing at first glance. But the backseat of a car was only enjoyable for so many clandestine meetings. So today you notified him of your golden opportunity before your brother had even walked out the door.

The moment H/N texted you that he was outside your home, you opened the front door and dragged him to your room.

“Are you in control today, little one?” he asked, closing the bedroom door after you.

“Why are you asking that?” you replied, not wanting to talk at all but rather do so much more productive things.

“I don’t know…perhaps because you haven’t let me say a word since I came through the door,” he said.

“Right. Maybe I’m planning on tying you up, blindfolding you, and torturing you with ice and wax,” you joked in a casual tone, despite not usually requesting such graphic ideas.

“I don’t know if I’d let you do that,” he grinned with raised eyebrows. “Besides, I know you’d rather be at the receiving end of that. It’s a sweet idea, though. If we had some more time…”

“Think you could get away from me if I tied you up?” you said, but he was towering over you with the calmness of a king who knew he reigned over the situation.

“We both know I’m stronger than you, doll,” he said. You didn’t like it when boys called you weak. But you’d let it slide, knowing he was only joking and would never underestimate you outside of the bedroom. He put his lips right up to yours, so you felt his breath on them. His fingers came up to cup your face, but then slowly inched to your neck. When they closed around your neck, putting the slightest amount of pressure on your skin, you whimpered quietly.

“Need reminding?” he asked. As much pent-up frustration you had, and as much as your stomach was flipping upside down from how badly you needed him, you just had to play with him. You knew it would make for more fun.

“I think- “ you started, with a grin. Then you grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pushed him backwards, until he was stumbling. Although caught off guard, he was quick to pull you along with him as he fell onto your bed. You landed on top of him with a small squeal.

“Go on, let’s see who can throw the other off the bed first,” he teased with a superiority that only spurred you on. Then again, you would always be in the mood for the oldest childhood game you had ever known. Only now it wasn’t your brother, but his best friend you were playing against. It added a layer of excitement, and after only seconds, giggles had overtaken you as you struggled in his grip.

“No tickling is allowed,” you said. He nodded obediently with a smirk that told you he might not abide by your rules.

At first, you had attempted to hold him down by his arms. But your legs tangled, and he pushed his chest up against yours, like he was about to flip you over. Your plan seemed to be working only momentarily. You groaned a little as he grabbed your wrists swiftly and held his stance against your attempt to pull his upper body to the side.

“Cute,” he said. That’s when you realized, he was barely struggling, barely trying, even. While you were giving your most, he smirked like he was watching a kitten trying to fight a lion. It was child’s play to him, keeping you in check. Literally. With an annoying expression of amusement on his face, he let you have the upper hand for a while. Then, as if you had never had an ounce of advantage, he turned it around and pulled you into him. His eyes suggested he might just send you tumbling down onto the floor any moment now. Nonetheless, you weren’t going to give up so easily. Taking your chances, you let go of his arms and moved sideways, so you could have your go at pushing him towards the edge of the mattress.

“I don’t think so,” he said. Suddenly, he bear-hugged your body and rolled you both over. Before you could protest or defend yourself, your arm was dangling off the side of your bed and if you had moved a tiny bit further, you would have slid off the bedsheets and right onto your carpet. It was his turn to straddle you now. As if his actions hadn’t been enough declarations of his strength, he pinned your wrists to the bed above your head and gave you a challenging smirk.

“I was going to let you win, doll. But you weren’t trying hard enough,” he said. “What are you going to do about it?”

What were you going to do? He had you completely immobilized. “Just let it go, then. We get it, you’re super strong and super big and the coolest,” you said.

He seemed to take an instant liking to your declaration. “Say it again. This time minus the eye-rolling, sugar.”

“You’re stronger than me,” you said, trying to avoid the laughter that was threatening to come out. Could he read in your gaze how badly you wanted him to kiss you already? If he could, he wasn’t acting on it. Instead, he bent to the crook of your neck and spoke.

“Does it turn you on that I can overpower you?” his breath fanned your ear and you had to close your eyes to control yourself.

“Yes. Because I trust you,” you answered truthfully. The corner of his lips curled into a cocky grin.

“You know what? I think I’d rather you stay in bed with me instead of throwing you on the floor. There’s so many things we can do up here, isn’t that right, little one?” His lips brushed over your cheek and then over your lips as he spoke. The nickname had always made you weak in the knees and he knew it. When he finally enveloped your lips in a kiss, you swore you could feel an electric spark jump between the two of you. The mellowness of it turned into hunger rapidly, and as soon as his tongue flicked over your bottom lip, you whimpered like you hadn’t seen him in a year.

“Needy, are we?” he asked, running his hand up your sides and underneath your shirt. He could say that again. “Let’s get these off, then.”

The seconds in which you pulled off your clothes and couldn’t hang on his lips and feel his skin on your body should have been considered a form of torture in itself. Then, time always went by so much slower than usually.

When you had both shed off your clothes, he climbed back on top of you. Instead of straddling your hips he was now resting between your legs. There was nothing separating you from him, and it was apparent not only through the body heat that radiated off him. He reached down and whilst peppering kisses on your chest, slid his fingers through your slick arousal that was pooling in your core.

“You’re so wet,” he said in surprise, but couldn’t hide his approval and self-confidence in his voice.

“I know,” you said, rolling your eyes but simultaneously fighting the urge to moan at the smallest of touches he was teasing your with. “I’m so horny. Can’t we skip foreplay?”

“Poor doll,” he said. “I should’ve come over earlier, huh?”

“You know that wasn’t possible,” you said. With a desperate look, you pleaded him silently.

“I wanna taste you,” he said, but your put your hand on his cheek softly.

“Maybe later?” you said. “Please, I need to have you inside of me. Now.”

“You’re extra cute when you’re this needy,” he smiled. “Are there still condoms in your nightstand?”

You nodded and had never moved so fast to open a drawer in your life. Pretending to have any patience left, you waited for him to roll on the rubber.

“I love the way you look at me,” he said. “When you’re waiting for me. Could watch you for hours.”

“God, I hope you won’t. Come here, please?” you replied, making him chuckle. He lined himself up with your core, but then made no inclination to move ahead. His dark eyes and little head tilt told you everything.

“Don’t mess with me anymore,” you whined, reaching for the back of his neck to pull him closer. “Do it. H/N.”

“Beg for it.” His words twisted something in the pit of your stomach. Although you were burning with hunger, you could never say no to him. Then again, you were curious to see what would happen if you did.

“What if I don’t? Don’t you want to fuck me as much as I want it?” you challenged him. Something glinted in his eyes, and you knew you shouldn’t have even brought it up.

“I can always do this,” he said, and you followed his eyes down his body and to where he had wrapped his hand around his cock. Slowly, he jerked himself off, and you weren’t sure he was biting his lip because of the feeling or to discompose you. His small sigh should’ve been caused by you. This wasn’t what you had wanted. His tip was right by your slit. He could’ve pushed his length in so easily, and yet he wasn’t. Debating what to say, you kept your eyes trained on his hard member that looked so delicious in his hands. His deep groans rang in your ears. It didn’t take long for you to cave.

“Fuck. That should be me around you,” you said. “That should be my pussy you’re fucking and not your hands. Please.”

“Isn’t that right?” he said.

“Yes. Please, fuck me. I would feel so much better than your hands, and you know it. Please,” you whined. “I need you right now H/N. Please.”

You added another ‘please’ – for good measure – because the way his tongue darted out and licked his smirking lips could make you say anything if it would get him to fuck you.

“It’s okay, I’ll take care of you,” he said. “Think you can take me?”

“Yes, yes-, I can! Please, fuck me,” you said in a waterfall of words, and he chuckled handsomely.

“Good girl,” he said, running a gentle hand over your head. “If it’s too much you let me know.”

“As always.”

The tip of his cock gently pushed into your core, making you hold your breath as he entered you slowly. It caused you to feel every inch with every second. Your brain felt fuzzy, and you sighed gratefully at the relief.

“Fuck, you’re so perfect,” he moaned. The carefulness in his thrusts paired with his moon eyes at you only remained that way for a few seconds. Then, he straightened up and grabbed your hips to drag you in closer. You moaned helplessly when he almost pulled out completely, so slowly it almost made you crazy, only to slam his length into you until his tip brushed against the deepest spot inside of you. It was an action he repeated over and over, until you were reduced to a puddle of desperate whimpers, and you clasped the bedsheets in your hands tightly.

“You like it this way, little one?” he asked. He was apparently finding enjoyment in your reaction. How you could barely keep your eyes open, and when you did, your eyeballs threatened to roll to the back of your head. How your fingers clenched around the closest plushie, and you cradled it against your chest in bliss.

“Yes- fuck,” you said. “Feels so good.”

Of course, right as you said this, he had to change things up. His thrusts turned lazy and messy as he leaned backwards slightly. With an equally lazy demeanor, his thumb flicked over your clit, rubbing circles on it.

“Let me hear you. Say my name,” he said, and you quietly moaned his name. You adored the way it sounded, voiced like this, with barely more than a breath underneath your soft tone. Now and then, his cock slipped out of you, making you clench around nothing and furthermore had you going completely out of your mind. When he would push himself into your opening again, it felt as if it was the first time he was entering you today. Except you felt it repeatedly, each time as incredible as the previous. Your mouth hung open, rendered speechless except for the little moans and whimpers sounding from your throat. There was a familiar knot beginning to form in your stomach, tying firmer with each passing minute.

As if he could read your mind, he decided then he was done with his sweet torture of teasing you to an orgasm. You couldn’t be mad at him, though, because what he had planned was just as perfect, if not better. His hands wandered to their original place on your sides, and he began to snap his hips into yours at a faster pace. A small cry of surprise left your lips, while he only smirked at you through heavy-lidded eyes. Impulsively, you lifted your legs a little, intensifying the feeling of his member roughly dragging through your velvet walls.

“H/N, I’m so close,” you whimpered.

“Me too,” he replied, not slowing down for a second.

His broad frame towering over your body was a sight you would never get enough of and his gazes at you were hot enough that they could have stopped your heart in its tracks. A few strands of hair stuck to his forehead and there was a thin sheet of sweat on his neck. It all just made him more breathtaking to you. The slight pain from his nails digging into the skin on your waist was staggering, and you could barely wait to see the masterpiece of marks he would leave tonight.

You were a moaning mess, flying on cloud nine and simultaneously overwhelmed by his treatment of you. It clouded your mind at took over your whole body like you were made for him to fuck you. His length filled up your tight hole and he did it with such force that your whole body rocked into your mattress in a steady, fast-paced rhythm. He let go of your waist then and supported himself on his arm by the side of your head. When his other hand went to your neck you shuddered in anticipation.

“You should see yourself with my hand around your throat,” he said. “So pretty, little one.”

“We can do it in front of a mirror sometime- ,” you suggested, but were cut off at the end of the sentence as his fingers tightened on your neck. Instantly, the effect of it hit you. The lack of oxygen made your head swim in a sea of pleasure and the unrelenting desire to come. Through fluttering eyelids, you peeked up at him. The way he licked his lips and then clenched his jaw, the gorgeous shape of his collarbones and shoulders – you sometimes wondered if he was even real. Every so often he loosened his grip on you. When he did, you took gulps of air and then instantly whined for him to choke you again.

“Let go for me,” he said. “Show me your pretty face when I make you come. I’m fucking you well, aren’t I?”

You nodded as well as you could when he was gripping your throat and you couldn’t breathe properly at the moment. It didn’t matter you couldn’t talk. He was probably not expecting you to answer, either way. In a pleasure-induced trance, you closed your eyes and let it happen, like he had asked it from you. Your hazy consciousness barely registered that he was reaching his high with you. Too overcome were you, with your thighs trembling uncontrollably and your back arching off the mattress. He had let go of your neck and was riding out his own orgasm with sloppy thrusts that only sent you into another frenzy and had you whimpering his name softly. When he had finished too, he slowed down and pulled you into a gentle kiss, rubbing his nose against yours sweetly.

“That was amazing,” he said, and with a blissful hum you nodded. Your lips changed into a pout when he rolled off you and got up. You were tired of sending him back home so quickly. As he discarded the condom in the bin, you put on your most enchanting eyes, so he would have no other choice.

“Stay a little longer, please,” you asked. You knew he wanted to, as well. So although he was aware that your brother could return at any moment, he tumbled back into bed with you.

“Just for a little while,” he said. “Mhm…you’re so perfect to cuddle, baby.” His embrace was warm and his scent comforting, as he hummed a lovely melody. The soft touch of his fingers running through your hair lulled you right into a light sleep. You were awoken rather abruptly, and with half a heart attack.

“Hey Y/N, have you seen my charger- “ your brother’s voice suddenly broke through the silence and you wondered if you would have to pack up and leave the country after this sort of embarrassment.

“It’s not what it looks like,” you said, knowing well enough it was the dumbest thing you could have said. But who could blame you? You had only woken up two seconds ago.

“Really?” your brother asked. “Because I hear H/N sneak into our house so often lately, I’m starting to wonder if his parents threw him out.”

His tone was surprisingly calm.

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you,” H/N said to your brother. “I thought you’d hate me and that we’d be over as friends.”

“I know I told you once to leave Y/N alone. But now…I guess it’s cool. She’s been in a great mood lately, and if that’s thanks to you, I think I can approve of you two. Although I’m not looking forward to being a third wheel, I think I can get used to it if I try hard enough,” your brother said. You couldn’t believe your ears, and involuntarily smiled like a fool. No more hiding. No more secrets.

“I stole your charger. I’m sorry,” you said then, making your brother roll his eyes. “It’s by the sofa in the living room.”

“Great. I needed a reason to leave anyway,” your brother said. “I might approve of you, but this situation is still too awkward. I’ll see you tomorrow, then, H/N?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” the boy in your bed said.

“You’ll see me too!” you added as a joke, as your brother already walked away from the door.

“Unfortunately I will!” your brother shouted, with the unnerving tone only a big brother could possibly muster.

#optional bias #optional bias smut #kpop smut #kpop scenarios #kpoptopia #prism.nw #exo smut #txt smut #day6 smut #cravity smut #ateez smut #nct smut #stray kids smut #bts smut #the boyz smut #sf9 smut #btob smut #got7 smut #ikon smut #oneus smut #onewe smut #seventeen smut #a.c.e smut #n.flying smut #monsta x smut #pentagon smut #enhypen smut

[bnha-dumpster]

The thought of a submissive incubus just came to mind and now I can’t stop imagining the reader (incubus) trying to take control of the situation but gets fucked and tamed instead.

this? this is a good idea. i feel like doing some priest au iida lmao

Pairing: Priest Iida x Incubus Reader Content tags/warnings: dub-con, dom/sub dynamics, spanking, mind break/mild dumbification, aphrodisiac spit Word count: 1.6k

You’re a poor excuse of an incubus, you know this. Naturally submissive, shy and introverted, inexperienced with sex- all things that an incubus shouldn’t be. You’ve been feeding off of other incubi and some succubi for energy. You knew that it wouldn’t last forever, that you’d eventually have to feed off humans. But it’s dangerous with your submissive nature. That’s why you’ve been trying to stay with your kind for as long as possible. 

Now you’ve been tossed out, left on your own without any sort of advice. There’s an intense hunger inside you that’s clawing at you, one that’s clouding your reasoning. You stumble through the streets as if you’re drunk. Humans ignore you thinking you’re just an annoying drunk and you know you’re not going to get energy in time. 

Then you run into a priest. 

“No, I’m fine-” Your speech is slightly slurred as you protest his help. A priest is the last person you need to run into right now. He’ll exorcise you or contain you until you tell him about other incubi in town. Both things scare you and you try to tug yourself out of his hold. Unfortunately for you, the priest you’ve run into is not only stubborn but strong. If you weren’t so weak, you might’ve been able to break away. There are so many things that would’ve been solved if you weren’t so weak.

He helps you walk, leading you to his church. The second you reach the steps, you tug on his cassock and shake your head. 

“I can’t go in there. I can’t. I’m sorry, I can’t.” 

Your hopes of him listening to you are crushed instantly as he shushes you and opens the large doors. The moment you step in, your already fading human disguise vanishes. Large, spiraling horns protrude from the sides of your head, a thin tail at the base of your spine, your hands and feet turned to claws and the small tattoo below your navel; if he can’t tell you’re an incubus from this, you don’t know what will.

The priest stops and stares at you, letting go of you. You fall to your knees on the floor, no longer strong enough to keep yourself standing. It’s humiliating to be found out in such a way. Though it’s your fault for allowing yourself to be grabbed by the priest in the first place. 

“An incubus?” He seems a bit curious as he kneels before you, lifting your chin to look at your face. “You’re not doing so well. What happened to you?” 

What little pride you have left keeps you from answering. 

“You must be hungry. While my fellow clergy may look down at me for this, I’ll help you.”

Confusion is clear on your face. You look at him like he’s insane. Maybe he is, but the thought of being able to feed matters a bit more than figuring out where the hell his common sense went. 

“I thought incubi were good at pleasing their partners.” He’s mocking you. The priest, who introduced himself as Iida Tenya, looks down at you as you do your best to take him into your mouth. He’s thick and your jaw aches slightly, but that ache naturally turns into pleasure that goes straight to your core. “You’re inexperienced, aren’t you? Don’t worry, I’ll help you.” 

Hands grab your horns and force your face further, making you take his cock down your throat. While you don’t gag, you’re clearly uncomfortable. You claw at his wrists to make him stop but it doesn’t seem to bother him. 

“See, you take all of your partner’s cock into your mouth.” Iida groans. “Suck and move your tongue around it. You can do it, I’m sure you can.” 

Surely he’s making fun of you. You may not be like the others, but you can still do what you were born to do. So you begin to bob your head up and down, letting things come to you naturally. His cock is heavy on your tongue as you lick the underside of it, teasing the vein that runs along it. You make use of your lack of gag reflex and make sure that you take him fully each time. 

It seems like it’s working, like you’re gaining some semblance of control. Just from this, energy is already beginning to flow your body. If you can make him cum, then maybe-

“Tsk, I thought you’d be better than this.” Seems like he knows exactly what’s going through your mind. “Do you really think you can overtake a priest when you’re in such a state? Don’t be foolish.” 

You’re tugged off his cock. Iida is about to grab you by your hair and bring you up onto the bed until you press a hand on his lower stomach. You have enough strength to leave a branding: a piece of incubus magic that forces a human to be overcome with lust. It typically leaves them a mess, unable to do anything but beg for pleasure. But going along with your lack of luck, it backfires. 

The feeling of intense lust fills the room and instead of the priest curling in himself, he drags you onto the bed by your horns. You’re laying on the bed with your ass up, Iida already lining himself up with your hole. 

“Natural lubricant, hm?” There’s a bit of slick coating your ass and inner thighs. It’s something incubi are able to make when they’re anticipating being the bottom. 

He pushes in slowly. Your hole greedily swallows his cock, clenching around it to milk him. Iida grabs hold of your tail and wraps it around his hand like a leash, using it to bring your ass against his hips. You can feel the heat of the brand and the lust radiating from him. The fact that he’s managing to stay even the slightest bit composed is amazing. 

“You’re begging for me to give in, aren’t you? You just want me to let go and let you have your way with me, yes?” 

“C-clearly!” 

Once the words leave your lips, a harsh spank is left on your ass. The pain instantly changes to pleasure and you tighten around him. He begins to spank you more, enjoying the way your walls clench and shudder with each impact. You’re doing your best to hold in any moans and pleasured noises to spite Iida. It’s all you can seem to manage to do. Even with strength filling you, he’s still got a good hold on you.

Your cock twitches from neglect. It’s not that you need it to be touched, you just prefer it. Yes, you can cum without touching it, but you want to touch it. So you reach between your legs to pump your cock, letting out a small groan. But your hand is swatted away. 

“Who said you could touch yourself?

He lets go of your tail and and pulls out, watching you flip yourself over. His cock twitches in anticipation when you pull him towards you for a kiss. 

Your tongue is long and clearly inhuman. It invades his throat and nearly makes him gag. The properties of your saliva are forgotten, letting his mind become a haze. Between the brand fueling his lust and the sudden warmth caused by your saliva, he loses what little cleric dignity he had. 

Iida pulls your face away from his by your hair, pushing you back onto the bed so he can thrust into you again. Your legs go over his shoulders and you’re able to recognize that the priest has you in a mating press before he begins to pound into you. He smashes his lips against yours, mouth open- he’s asking you to kiss him more. You happily do so, thinking that the haze he’s being enveloped in will give you a chance to take control. Lips mash against each other as you shove your spit down his throat with your tongue. 

The aphrodisiacs in his system must be too much and he cums, filling you. A strange daze washes over you and you lose your focus on the brand. Is this what human energy is like? It’s absolutely addicting. That addicting feeling pushes you over the edge, your own cock covering your stomach in cum. Your eyes roll back into your skull and you lose yourself for a few seconds.

He hasn’t stopped and you don’t think he will anytime soon. His cock is still hard, stretching you and pushing his cum even deeper inside you. 

“Maybe I’ll keep you, hm?” When did he regain his mind? “Keep you like a little pet. You’ll have to rely on me to survive anyways.”

Your mind is still in a haze and he takes advantage of it. He continues to pound into you with no pause, his own stamina still high. While your cock is limp against your stomach, he watches as more cum dribbles out of it. 

“Be a good incubus and cum more and more. If you do what I ask, I’ll give you more than you could ever need.” 

If you could think properly, you would curse how obedient your body is. Your cock twitches to life for a few moments before you cum again, an almost never ending stream of cum landing on your stomach. He groans as your walls clench around him. It’s like your body is begging for more of him, which it is. 

“There you go. I’ll keep you here so you can’t hurt anyone else.” That’s not the real reason he’s keeping you, but that doesn’t matter. You’re already lost to his words, the feeling of a human’s energy destroying your mind.

#tenya iida x reader #iida x reader #iida tenya x reader #iida tenya x male reader #bnha x reader #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader smut

[satinsumu]

first. || suna r.

word count: 2.8k

warnings: MINORS DNI, f!reader, slight slight angst but mostly fluff, language, unprotected sex, fingering, virginity loss, dirty talk, praise, creampie, soft suna is romantic, shy baby’s first time ❤️ 

summary: it’s hard not to get self-conscious being intimate with suna for the first time, especially when he’s far more experienced than you are—but your boyfriend is sure to remind you that there’s nothing to be afraid of.

a/n: what did i say about loving the first time trope lol. also didn’t proofread bc that’s how we do it here (edit: this was so much longer than i’d intended and i ended up getting so much more attached than i’d intended lmfao i want a suna in my life Right Now)

a tingle travels throughout your body as your bare back touches the soft sheets of suna’s bed, your boyfriend’s hands gently moving from your shoulders down to your knees.

he lifts one of your legs up, slender fingers rubbing small circles against your skin, before bending down to press a small kiss to your inner thigh. his greyish, golden eyes—half-lidded and slowly growing darker with desire—flick up to meet yours with such tender intensity that it takes your breath away.

“are you okay?” he asks quietly at your silence, carefully setting your leg back down against the mattress as he leans over you, one hand planted beside your head. 

“yeah,” you reassure him. the reply comes out a bit weaker than you’d intended.

“we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” suna murmurs, lowering himself to give you a small kiss, right at edge of your mouth. his lips are warm. gentle.

“i do, i’m just—” you quickly answer, but look away with slight embarrassment. “just a little nervous, that’s all... don’t know if i’ll be good.”

the second half of your sentence is just barely above a whisper, and suna’s expression softens.

“don’t worry about that,” he mumbles, pressing another kiss to your forehead, before slowly moving further down your neck and chest. “just want you to be comfortable.”

you feel him stop just above your left breast, the ghost of his breath lingering on your flesh. a sudden, warm sensation washes over you as suna takes your nipple into his mouth and sucks, his hot, wet tongue swirling circles around the bud. you gasp at the feeling and squeeze your eyes shut while his other hand slides down your stomach, hovering just above the thin, silky fabric of your underwear.

suna releases your nipple from his mouth as he pushes himself back up, licking his lips while studying your expression.

“you’re so warm down here,” he says with a small smile. his finger draws a long, slow stripe along your folds, the pressure through your panties just enough to send another tingle traveling all over your body. “can i take these off?”

you nod and grant him permission, shyness burning in your cheeks at how exposed and vulnerable you feel, but also at how careful suna is being. he smooths his palm against your hip bone and drags the garment of clothing down your legs before it comes back up, teasingly squeezing the flesh of your inner thigh. 

“good girl,” suna hums, straightening himself to pull his own shirt over his head. the words make your heart pound violently in your chest.

without another word, he takes your other breast in his large hand, groping and kneading the flesh while his opposite hand begins to make work of your sex. he presses two fingers against your folds and slowly rubs circles against the skin as you feel your clit grow more and more sensitive to the pseudo-contact. 

you tilt your head back, dipping further into the sheets, while a shaky sigh escapes your lips. a small smile rests on suna’s face at the sight—you seem to be feeling good, and he intends on keeping it that way. 

his movements are growing faster now. you can feel your arousal growing wetter, and you know suna can feel it too, with the way his fingertips are coated with your slick. he takes this as a safe indication to finally slip a digit into you—god knows how fucking badly he wishes it were his cock instead—and the little squeak that rolls off your tongue is like music to his ears.

“so tight, baby,” he murmurs, elated at the sight of you clenching around him while trying to keep his composure. how did he get so lucky? “but you’re taking my fingers so well.”

there’s so much going on.

you can feel your boyfriend watching you, but you’re too distracted to think about how your face must look right now. especially when he’s still squeezing your tits, focusing on your pleasure as he continues pumping his finger in and out of your tiny hole. then he adds another, and you sink your teeth into your bottom lip, surprised that suna’s hands are moving with so much ease and also how good it feels. even more so when his thumb continues to rub at your clit in tandem with his other fingers.

soft, lewd squelching noises can be heard in the quiet of his room as both you and suna realize that this won’t be enough. you need more. your pussy is practically begging for it, even if your mouth isn’t.

“think you’re ready, sweetheart,” suna breathes, willing himself to pull his fingers out of your cunt.

you nod coyly in response, slightly irritated at yourself for feeling uneasy in front of your boyfriend; he’s being so good to you, so patient, but you’ve just never done anything so lewd befo—

your brain short-circuits as you watch suna look you dead in the eye before putting two glistening fingers, still covered in your juices, into his mouth. he slowly pulls out, soft pink lips wrapped around them, tongue lapping shamelessly at whatever he missed on his thumb.

he gives you an alluring smirk, and your hands instinctively fly up to cover your flustered face. your cheeks are burning with both desire and embarrassment, but suna grips your wrist and slowly pulls it away.

“look at me, baby,” he says, his body hovering closely above yours. “nothing to be embarrassed about.”

god, you look so fucking cute, he really doesn’t know what to do with himself.

“can i...?” suna trails off, the hardness in his pants growing more and more difficult to ignore by the second as it presses against your leg.

“p-please, rin,” you whisper. the way your innocent, nervous eyes are asking him to fuck you is honestly enough to make him jizz in his pants. 

without another word, suna pushes himself back up, unzipping his pants so that his erect member can finally spring free. he barely has to give it a few impatient strokes—a trait you rarely see in your boyfriend—before it’s fully hard. the sheer size of his cock causes you to gulp, the tiny beads of precum already leaking out from its tip.

suna takes it in his hand, smearing his own arousal over the head before bending over to rub its heaviness over your folds. your clit is already puffy and sensitive from his fingers earlier, and it feels like it’s twitching in pleasure from the contact. 

“o-oh,” you gasp, and suna smiles at the sound, his eyes glossing over your body like he simply can’t get enough. he slowly moves his cock downwards, using all his self-restraint to ignore the throbbing, aching desire in it to just fuck your brains out already.

lining it up with your entrance, he murmurs, “i’m gonna put it in.”

“okay,” you exhale, chest heaving in anticipation.

your hands travel up beside your head to grip the pillow as a means to brace yourself, and you finally feel suna slide into you with surprising ease. every inch of his cock drags along your walls in slow motion, and you’ve never been so physically close to him before. there’s a soft ache—barely noticeable—but it’s not painful... and yet, it’s not pleasurable either.

an unprecedented panic creeps its way into your head at the realization.

what if this doesn’t end up feeling good? what if he doesn’t end up feeling good? oh god, what if he doesn’t even finish? surely, you’d be the only girl he’ll have slept with that could fuck up this bad—who knows how many girls have come before you? (literally.) what if—

“what’s wrong?” suna’s gentle voice snaps you out of your thoughts, his tone tinged with a slight worry. 

“n-nothing,” you shake your head quickly. ugh, you feel like such... a loser. an idiot, really.

“talk to me, sweetheart,” suna murmurs, towering over you as he’s still balls deep inside your cunt. “does it hurt?”

he wants to pull out in case that’s the problem, but also doesn’t want to make any sudden moves, for fear of hurting you.

“no, i’m okay,” you insist in an attempt to reassure him. “i just, i don’t know, i’m being stupid.”

suna’s expression softens, but before he can say anything, you’re already babbling on again, and you can’t even stop.

“what if you don’t end up feeling good?” you quiver, the question more so directed at yourself than at your boyfriend. “what if you don’t even finish because of how much i suck? i-i don’t want to be the only person you’ve been with who’s bad at sex—”

your heart is racing now and the words are tumbling out of your mouth helplessly. you feel so bad for dumping this on him, and your frustration towards yourself brings small tears to the corners of your eyes—

“baby, listen to me,” suna says quietly but firmly, one hand cupping your cheek and turning your face towards him so that you’re no longer avoiding eye contact. his thumb gently brushes away the dampness at the edge of your lower lashline before he continues,

“first of all, there’s no such thing as being bad at sex—and you’re doing great,” he murmurs, planting a quick kiss to your lips. “you’re the only person i want to do this with, and as long as it’s with you, i’m happy.”

you sniffle a little bit, but your heart soars at his words, the tension in your chest slowly easing.

“second of all, don’t worry about me,” he says gently, his eyes filled with a tender adoration as he gazes at you. “it’s really sweet that you’re thinking of me, but i want you to feel good.”

a warmth blooms in your cheeks. 

“and besides, you’re fucking beautiful,” suna continues, leaning down again to press his lips against your bare shoulder. “i could cum just from the sight of you, but i’m trying to hold back because i want you to finish first.”

the bluntness of his words causes you to look away shyly, and suna smiles down at you. 

“so,” he begins again, before giving you a small suck on your jaw. “can you let me make you feel good?”

you nod slowly, and bring your arms up to wrap them around his neck.

“sorry,” you manage a small giggle at the feeling of his dick still inside you—you really have terrible timing, that much you’ll admit.

“it’s okay,” suna murmurs, turning his head to kiss your cheek. “i love you, you know that.”

he’s said those words before, but the way he’s uttering them into your ear right now, in the quiet intimacy that only you two share, makes your heart race and your head spin.

“just let me know if you want me to stop,” he says, before finally, gradually pulling himself out.

suna slides his cock back into you with ease, your juices still coating his member. he repeats the motion a few more times, each time just a little bit more fluidly and rapidly than the last, until you’ve fully adjusted to his size. the sensation is still foreign, but no longer uncomfortable.

he finally reaches a pace where he thrusts himself into you for the first time with a low grunt, the rough penetration catching you off guard. a small “mmf!” escapes your mouth as you bite your lip, embarrassed at hearing the sound of your own voice.

“don’t hold those precious noises back, sweetheart,” suna breathes seductively into your skin, his low voice causing you to clench harder around him. “wanna hear how good i make you feel. the louder the better.”

you nod at his encouragement as small beads of sweat form along your temple.

he gives you another sharp thrust, followed by another, and then another, until he’s steadily rocking into you as the bed creaks with every movement. this time, you can’t help the wanton moans of his name that fill the air, each one prompting him to continue.

“a-ah!” you cry at a particularly harsh snap of his hips, your cunt sucking him back in every time he pulls out of you. “r-rin! rin! rin!”

suna’s never been one to have a big head or a large ego, but the way you’re chanting his name like a mantra makes pride swell in his chest. you look so angelic, eyes fluttered shut with every time he fucks into you, nipples moving up and down with your breasts, hair splayed out against his bedsheets, sopping wet pussy clamping around his cock as your very first time. how could he not be in love with you?

“f-feeling good, baby?” he pants, trying to hold it together. 

“yes,” you gasp as a small dribble of drool leaks out of the corner of your mouth. but you don’t care. you want him. more of him, more, more, more. “want you so bad.”

suna thinks he’s going to lose his damn mind.

“you like that?” his voice borders on a growl, and his strong arms snake beneath you to pull you into a hug before one of them props his body up against the mattress so he can angle himself into you with even more intensity. lord help him, he wants to cum so fucking bad with how hot you look, your nails digging into his skin as he fucks you into tomorrow.

“n-ngh!” you groan, tossing your head back at the way suna is driving himself in and out of you as his eyes flit down to your heaving chest. “i-i think ‘m c-close...”

that was all suna needed to hear as he laid you back down, flat against the bed as one hand travels urgently down to your heat. he takes two fingers and begins rubbing your folds again, one dipping past them to play with your clit, the stimulation causing you to see stars. suna presses an open mouthed kiss against your lips at the sight of them parting, taking the opportunity to slide his tongue across yours.

he picks up the speed of his thrusts again, his other hand now preoccupied with kneading your breasts and pinching your nipple as you cry out for him, and only him.

“r-rin!” your voice rings in his head, your gasps broken up into needy pants. 

“doin’ so good, angel,” he mutters against your lips, still mercilessly slamming his cock into you. “taking my cock so—ngh!—well, wanna keep this pussy all to myself.”

you don’t even have time to process the lewdness of his words before your back is arching, suna’s fingers rubbing your clit at an unbelievable pace as he simultaneously slides himself in and out of you, the slapping sounds amplified by your juices.

“cum for me sweetheart, you can do it,” suna urges, his eyes fixated on your face. “show me just how good i make you feel—”

a sudden wave of bliss floods over you as you feel the tension in your body release, your clit throbbing with pleasure at the sensation. suna’s eyes widen at the way your jaw grows slack, trying not to cum at the mere sight of your fucked out expression while he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“h-hah,” you gasp, still chasing your climax while suna continues thrusting into your cunt, his cock twitching with arousal. after a few seconds, he picks up his own pace, chasing his own high with your body.

“god, you feel so good around me,” he mutters, clenching his teeth at the way your walls continue to suck him in. 

“want you to cum inside, r-rin,” you whine into his ear, the syllables broken up by how hard he’s fucking you as your whole being practically bounces around his cock, his balls clapping with wet slapping sounds against your ass. “f-fill m-me up?”

you don’t need to say anything else as suna finally snaps, pushing himself so deep into you with an almost primal urge as cum shoots out of his cock. you can feel the warmth all the way in your belly as you look up at your boyfriend, sweaty and out of breath, panting into your neck before finally pulling himself out of you.

he catches your lips with his as he gives you a long, passionate kiss, before breaking away and giving you a quick peck on both cheeks, then your nose, then your forehead.

“you did so good, baby,” he murmurs, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear, that had found its way to stick to your face. an affectionate warmth brings a small smile to your lips as you nuzzle your cheek into suna’s palm, and he feels himself lose his breath at the sight of you.

“be good and stay here, okay?” he mumbles, reluctantly pulling himself off of you. he could stare at you forever. “i’ll go get a towel and clean you up. i love you.”

#fic #suna.fic

[heisenberg-simp257]

Hello! Have a nice day! Could you please write something touching for Lord Heisenberg who accidentally made his highly sensitive beloved cry using the prompt #32 from the prompt list? Thank you so much!

Sure! I'll do my best!💖Sorry if it’s kind of short

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Pushed Over the Edge

You poke the bear hard enough and Heisenberg lets you have it.

#32 “Are you able to forgive me?”

Heisenberg was known to have a short temper. In fact, he was known to blow up at any given moment. This was one of the things about him that frightened you. He tried to control his temper around you, but sometimes he couldn’t stop himself from blowing up.

You should’ve known better than to push him after that meeting with Miranda.

It also didn’t help that you were a bit sensitive. Kind of ironic, that man with a short temper would be with someone who was highly sensitive. However, you guys were making it work. Heisenberg was yet to blow up on you.

Until that day.

He was already in a bad mood due to a failed experiment. Nothing seemed to be going right for Heisenberg that day. Then Mother Miranda calls in, saying she needs to speak to all the Lords ASAP. He left in a mood, and you knew he was going to come back in a mood.

“That. Fucking. BITCH.” Was the first thing you heard when he arrived back followed by the slamming of doors. Actually, it sounded like a lot of stuff was being broken. 

This happened a lot when he threw his fits.

You could hear him yelling about Miranda, and the other Lords (mostly Lady Dimitrescu). Apparently, she had gotten on his nerves as well. Heisenberg had a short fuse she must’ve noticed and took advantage of it. However, most of his anger seemed to be directed towards Miranda.

“I can’t believe she had the fucking audacity to ask that of me!” He shouted while literally flipping a table. You flinched a bit, but slowly made your way towards the noise. With some hesitance, you opened the door.

“Ask...what of you?” You asked gently, not wanting to upset him further. Yep, the room was an absolute mess from his torment.

“None of your business.” He growled and you winced at the aggression. You knew you hit a nerve. So, why did you keep pressing?

“I just want to help.” You tried again, and this time, you saw him tense up completely. You stayed where you were, not knowing what he might do to you. However, he soon unclenched his fists.

“I don’t need your fucking help.” Heisenberg angrily said and you took a deep breath to calm yourself. He wasn’t mad at you, you tried to keep that thought in your head.

“But-” Your attempt to console him once more snapped him.

“Just get the fuck out!” Him nearly hitting you with a piece of flying metal was your breaking point. You couldn’t stop yourself from crying but tried your best to hide it in case that irritated him anymore.

“I-I’m sorry.” You started out before doing what he asked, and quickly fled. Heisenberg watched you leave, blood still boiling from what he had to listen to earlier. 

However, after a few minutes, he began to realize what he did.

“Shit...” He muttered to himself while placing a hand to his face in distress. Heisenberg always tried to control his temper around you because he understood both how sensitive you were and that his anger frightened you.

Now, here he has gone and made you cry.

Heisenberg was literally the worst at apologies. Mostly because he’s never had to give them to anyone but you. I mean, he’s never been sorry for anything in his life. But he had to try, or else it will look like he meant what he said. So, he set about to find you.

Assuming you would actually forgive him.

It didn’t take long to find you. You were sitting outside, but still in the safety of the factory’s fence line. However, he could hear you crying from where he stood at the doors. 

This was the one thing he was probably nervous for.

Walking towards you, he figured that if he could try to get you to smile or anything, he would be okay. He can’t lose you. That’s all he knows, and he’s hoping beyond hope that you will let him explain.

“It’s kind of cold out. You alright?” He asked with that smile as if nothing happened. You just looked over your shoulder at him with a frown on your face.

Speaking of faces, yours broke his heart.

It was red from the biting cold and covered in tears. Tears that he placed there. Heisenberg now felt it in his heart to make things better. Heck, he will do anything to see you smile at him again.

“Look, Y/N...,” Heisenberg walked towards you a bit before sitting beside you. It broke his heart a bit when you flinched, “I’m...this is never easy for me...I’m sorry.”

You looked over at him. Heisenberg looked like a mess, whether it be from his tantrum earlier or apologizing, you didn’t know. All you did know, was that he looked beyond guilty.

“Are you able to forgive me?” He then asked while handing you, well, it looked like some torn up weeds. Maybe there was a flower in there. Seriously, it looked like he just leaned over and tore up a clump of grass.

You started to giggle a bit.

“I’m trying to be sincere, and you’re laughing at me.” Heisenberg brought his hand back a bit, but you grabbed him by the wrist and took the vegetation from him.

“No. I’m just finding it adorable. Your way of apologizing.” You said while gesturing to the clump of whatever it was in your hands. For once, he looked flustered by your actions.

“But yes, I think I can forgive you.” You ceased your laughter and smiled for real. Heisenberg slowly smiled to himself before placing an arm around you, that smirk slowly growing on his face.

“Miranda wanted me to kill you.” He admitted after a while. You gave him a shocked look.

“She believed that you were a distraction to me, so she asked me to kill you. I wouldn’t have it. That’s why I was so mad earlier.” Heisenberg told you. Now you can understand why he didn’t want to tell you.

“Thanks for telling me. Sorry for trying to pry earlier.” You said while leaning into him after a strong gust of wind blew by.

“I’m sorry for yelling. Next time, I’ll go over to Moreau and take my frustration out on him.” He said with a smirk, and you slapped his chest.

“Be nice to him. He doesn’t know any better.” You said with a laugh, “But if you do, bring him some plants as an apology.”

“Hey now, those are some quality plants.” He defended his apology gift to you while helping you to your feet. You laughed as he laughed, shielding you from the breeze as the two of you went back inside.

It was good to have the old Heisenberg back. The one that laughs instead of yells.

Even if his laughter was directed at the mockery of others.

#resident evil village #resident evil #resident evil imagines #resident evil village imagines #karl heisenberg #karl heisenberg x reader #karl heisenberg imagine

[seriouslysnape]

Perfect Resolution

Harry Potter x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Smut. Language. 

Word Count: 1,641

“Good. You deserved that after today.”

“Even when you’re being stubborn, you’re still my pretty girl.” Harry huffed out, his voice strained when you slammed back down onto his lap in a particularly rough way, the tip of his cock pounding at your g-spot.

Your brain was mush at this point. Every thought that crossed your mind was occupied by either Harry or your goal to achieve the orgasm that he was helping you towards. Harry looked so good right now. His hair was unruly and ruffled in every direction from where your hands had untidied it from being wrapped in it. You leaned forward, pressing a quick kiss to his famous scar without ever breaking the rhythm of your hips.

You had been rather difficult today. It hadn’t been your best day, and everything had seemingly gone wrong since the moment you had gotten up that morning. You had been sour with him all day, brushing him off and barking at him for the most innocent intentions. He had been trying to get through to you all day, trying to make you feel better. But even Harry, who was the most patient person you knew, would crack eventually. The last straw was drawn when you had blown up at him for attempting to help you study for your Transfiguration exam that you were totally screwed for.

“I don’t need your fucking help, Harry!” You had basically screamed at him, causing him to recoil completely. 

He had been standing next to where you were sitting at your desk, rubbing your back soothingly and pointing out things in your notes when you got stuck on something. He hadn’t expected you to respond so harshly to him just trying to help, and honestly he had enough with your attitude for one day.

Without another word, he had yanked you up from your chair, sitting in it himself and pulling you onto his lap. He murmured something about “fucking the attitude right out of you”; something that he didn’t do very often. He had pushed you over the edge the first time with just his fingers, pumping and curling his fingers until you were writhing around his hand. Now he was repeatedly being buried deep inside of you each time you crashed back down onto him.

Even though he was aggravated with you, he knew that you had just been frustrated all day. He wanted you to feel better, because he could never stay mad at you. Still, he hadn’t quite worked through all the irritation.

“You take my cock so well, don’t you?” He practically groaned out, “Just like you took my fingers just a few minutes ago...you’re my good girl, aren’t you?”

You hadn’t said anything in a while, your thoughts too preoccupied to form any kind of coherent response to what he was saying to you. Your eyes were screwed shut, so tightly that you were seeing inky blotches behind your eyelids. Your head was tilted upwards to the ceiling as you focused on the way he was stretching and filling your slick walls so perfectly. He was meeting your bounces with his upward thrusts, hitting every sensitive spot that had melted you into a whimpering puddle.

It wasn’t until his hand gripped your chin to force you to look at him that your eyes opened and you snapped out of your trance.

“Are you not going to answer me?” He asked gruffly when you didn’t give any kind of reply.

Your head fluttered as your dilated pupils met his lust blown ones. You were breathless as you spoke, your chest heaving with each rapid inhale of oxygen that you took. 

“Sorry, Harry. What’d you say?” You asked him to repeat, your own voice echoing in your ears.

Instead, Harry shot up from the chair without removing his throbbing cock out of you. Your wobbly legs were pitiful as he brought you to your feet, pressing the front of your hips into the desk and pulling your back against his front. 

“Since you can’t get it together, I guess I’m going to have to fuck you into your desk.” He growled, pushing your skirt up and chuckling lowly in your ear at the reminder that his favorite pair of your lace knickers had been discarded long ago. 

The wooden material of your desk dug into your skin, but you were too focused on the delicious feeling of Harry fucking in and out of you to even notice. Your palms gripped the edge of the desk, your eyes raking over the countless parchments of Transfiguration notes in front of you. The words were blurred jumbles of letters, and you couldn’t comprehend what any of it said to save your life right now.

Harry was fucking you hard and fast, pulling out almost completely each time before railing back into you. He kept one hand on your waist to keep you from straying away from him, since sometimes you tended to squirm. His other hand cupped one of your breasts, playing with the stimulated nipple. Your orgasm was heating up and pooling in your belly, your desperation becoming more and more clear.

“Harry.” You croaked out, your voice light and airy.

“What, angel?” He acknowledged with a grin, knowing you were beginning to beg.

“Please...” You whined, your knees trembling more with each passing second.

He laughed again in your ear as he slammed in again past your sopping folds, your arousal had drenched his cock and was dripping down your thighs.

“What do you want, baby? You’ve got to tell me if you want something.” He sneered with the knowledge that he had you at his mercy.

You swallowed hard, your brain even foggier than before as you replied without much hesitation.

“I wanna cum.” You admitted, crying out immediately after a particularly perfect thrust from him.

“Do you? Only good girls get to cum,” He pointed out, his voice muffled from his mouth sucking on your neck, “You’ve been bad all day. I don’t know if you deserve it.”

The desire and the need to finish was exploding all through you. This was the best you had felt all day and if you didn’t get your release, you were sure you’d be a mess before the night was over. 

“No, no, no. Please, Harry. I didn’t mean to- fuck! I just wanna cum so I can feel better...” You pleaded.

Harry was a real softie at heart, and he rarely could stand the sound of you so needy and broken down. Maybe if you had really pissed him off, he might hold off on letting you cum, but right now he felt too bad to leave you like this.

“Okay, love, okay. Just because you’ve had such a rough day, I’m gonna let you finish,” He said, his words beginning to slur together, “But the next time you get snappy with me, I might not be so nice.” He rumbled.

A moan of satisfaction and bliss bubbled out of your throat as he continued to wonderfully fuck you the way only he knew how to. The band of ecstasy was stretching and stretching in your gut, and it was only a matter of a few more immaculately pounds into you that it would snap. His cock twitched deep inside of you somewhere, signaling that he was about to burst as well. 

When he felt you clench around him, he splayed his hand across your chest and pulled you completely back and flush against him as you came on his cock, his own release spilling into you. The sound of his moan as he finished sent waves of thrill through you as he held you close as you fell from your climax. The rushes of electricity and lust fizzled away slowly the further you both trailed from your finishes. The only sounds were your matched heavy breathing and occasional sigh of content.

Harry dragged his now softened cock out of you, his tip leaving last with a wet sounding pop. Your core and legs were shaking violently as he spun you around, holding you up by your arms to keep you from collapsing on him.

“You alright, lovely?” He questioned once he felt stable enough to speak.

“Mmhm,” You mumbled, “I’m perfect.”

“Good. You deserved that after today.” He responded, referring to how a good loving making session was all you needed.

You didn’t quite catch the intention of his words, and your expression changed into a guilty one.

“Oh, Harry, I’m sorry I was so mean today. It wasn’t your fault.” You apologized, kissing just above his right pectoral muscle.

He kept you held up with one arm, using his free hand to brush your messy hair from your face. He kissed the tip of your nose, then pressing another lazy kiss to your lips.

“I know, sweet girl. It’s okay,” He said warmly, “I meant that you deserved to feel good after you’ve had such a bad day.”

He whisked you away to your bed, snuggling up with you to give you a break from both studying and fucking. He littered you with kisses, aiding in getting rid of the remnants of your bad mood. He whispered sweet nothings in your ear and kissed all the places that made you smile or giggle happily.

Today reminded you of one of the many reasons you loved your beloved Harry. He was patient when you were being difficult. He was understanding when you were struggling. He was there for you when you needed him to be. He made your heart swell and your stomach flutter every time. 

He was the perfect resolution every time things got hard.

“Thanks for making me feel better. In more ways than one.” You said appreciatively with a small laugh. 

Harry grinned proudly, leaving another kiss on your forehead.

“Anytime, my love.”

#Harry Potter #harry potter x reader #harry potter x fem!reader #harry potter x y/n #harry potter x you #harry potter x female reader #harry potter smut #harry potter fluff #harry potter fanfiction #seriouslysnape

[fredshufflepuff]

— anon’s request: ok so since i too am a whore for angst. how about the reader and rafe having a summer thing as a kook (maybe she goes to the pogue school but is a kook) and once she goes back to school, they drift apart and rafe gets jealous of her spending her time with the pogues. then maybe he sees her again at mid summers all dressed up and remembers he still loves her. please break my heart with this, im in need of a cry and then maybe put it back together with some fluff at the end? please

— warnings: fem!reader, brief smut (skip if uncomfortable), asshole!rafe for a good chunk of the imagine, language, angst, fluff.

— word count: 2,166

IT all started when you bumped into rafe at the country club on figure eights.

you didn’t normally hang around that area, but you were hanging out with sarah that day—which meant eventually running into her brother.

she tried to keep you away from him, just because he had no filter and didn’t think twice before voicing his opinion, but sooner or later your interaction with the boy would happen.

“oh god” sarah mumbled causing you to raise your brows, a confused frown on your face as she signaled to look behind you.

you turned around not so subtle to see rafe cameron making his way down the grassy hill, a golf club in one hand and a can of beer in the other.

“hey little sis, when were you going to introduce me to your friend here?” the boy spoke, a small grin on his face at seeing her roll her eyes.

“i wasn’t planning on it, you know—considering how you’re an ass.”

a small giggle fell from your lips as rafe turned his attention back to you, the sides of his mouth curling slightly at your reaction.

“well since she won’t introduce me, i will” he said, his figure leaning over yours which was sat on the grass.

he tossed his most likely expressive golf club to the ground to extend his hand out to you, which you hesitated to take before slowly reaching for it.

“i’m rafe cameron.”

of course you knew who he was, everyone did.

“y/n y/l/n.”

YOU thought the interaction with sarah’s older brother was in the past, not having to see him again since you weren’t planning on going back to figure eight or the club any time soon.

but when you found yourself in his bed getting the absolute daylights fucked out of you, you knew right then and there that this wasn’t a one time thing.

“fuck rafe,” you moaned loudly, your head thrown back against the pillow as your eyes fell shut from the feeling.

he slide his cock in and out of your needy hole as you whimpered from under him, his toned body pressed against yours as you jolted from each thrust.

“m’gonna cum, flood this needy little fuck hole” he spat, his hand coming down to grab your face and force you to open your eyes.

“please, rafe. please fill me up” you begged, your little moans and pleads sending the boy over the edge.

as soon as he gave you permission to cum you didn’t hold back. it felt like your entire body had shut down as your head fell to the side.

rafe sent a rough thrust into your quivering body before emptying himself inside, making sure to keep himself as close as possible in order to not let any leak out.

“fuck,” he groaned in your ear, his body pressed against your small one as your hands came up to rest in his hair, pulling on it gently as his cum filled you up.

later that night you didn’t bother sneaking back out to your place, instead rafe suggested you actually stay—running you a hot bath before ordering take out.

it surprised you really, considering how you didn’t know what you guys were.

you both agreed to only be friends with benefits when this all started, but now you didn’t know if you wanted that or not.

you wanted something more with the blue eyed boy.

“what are we?” you asked while laying in his arms, the feeling of his breath trailing down your neck giving you comfort.

“friends with benefits.”

no hesitation was found in his voice. it was quick and sudden, just like your heart breaking.

“oh.”

you didn’t talk much with rafe after that night—leaving early in the morning to avoid further interaction.

rafe didn’t suspect anything though, knowing how busy you usually get with school and home life, but after that single day turned into almost a week, he knew something wasn’t right.

usually you’d be around the house or at the country club, but it felt like you were almost avoiding him.

when school started up that’s when things really started to hit for rafe. you were not only distancing yourself from him, but now you were hanging out with the pogues.

to him you had wiggled yourself into john b’s friend group, getting closer with everyone but mostly jj, the one pogue he despised more than the others.

it was the night of midsommars and you were preparing yourself to see rafe, your nerves seeming to skyrocket every time his name was mentioned.

“ARE you feeling okay, y/n/n? you’re all jittery” kie pointed out, her eyes locking with yours through the vanity mirror as you slowly brushed through your hair.

“i’m okay, kie— really. just nervous for tonight i guess” you shrugged, your response seeming convincing enough as she nodded.

“hey slow pokes! hurry up or we’re going to be late” jj called, pounding on the door making you and kie jump.

“fucking assholes” you mumbled.

MIDSOMMARS was something you always looked forward to.

the lights, the food, the beautiful dresses and people you got to meet—which was rare considering how almost everyone there were stuck up kooks who’s only personality trait was having money.

all except rafe.

he was different towards you, a lot different it was scary.

“jj, don’t get into any more fights, k?” kie sighed, licking the pad of her thumb before dragging it across his face—getting rid of the dirt that had formed there.

he didn’t say who specifically it was with—the fight—just claiming it was with some stupid kooks who didn’t know when to stop talking.

“yeah yeah” he mumbled, running his fingers through his hair before sending you both a small smile.

he picked up his tray and spun it on his finger before sending her a wink, a blush coming to kie’s face as she quickly looked away.

“soooo, you and jj....” you said, the girl’s eyes rolling as she playfully pushed you away.

“enough about me, what about you?”

“me?” you raised an eyebrow, “what about me?”

“don’t play dumb, y/n/n. i’ve seen you come back late with hickeys.”

you grabbed a glass of champagne from one of the waiters walking by and took a long sip from it, your eyebrows twisting together— “this is good, you should try it.”

kie was about to protest until the music started to kick up again, your favorite song playing making you gasp.

you quickly placed the glass on an empty table before taking her hands and pulling her towards the dance floor.

“let’s dance!”

unknown to you—rafe had been watching you ever since you stepped foot into the venue.

IT was almost one in the morning when everyone had left, you and kie sitting at one of the empty tables while you waited for jj to finish up.

you hadn’t had that much to drink, but you could say you were a little tipsy.

“ready to go?” jj asked while throwing his arms around you both, a sarcastic grunt dropping from your lips at the sudden weight.

“we were about to leave yo-”

“well, well, well...if it isn’t the golden trio” a familiar voice spat, your head snapping to the side as your eyes fell on the devil himself.

rafe cameron and his little minions.

“if it isn’t daddy’s money, dumb, and dumber” kie snapped back—referring to topper and kelce who were standing on either side of him.

“put your dog on a leash maybank before we do it ourselves” rafe threatened, only causing jj to break from your side and lunge at the boy.

“jj, stop” you said, grabbing his arm as kie yanked him back, “he wants a reaction.”

“i didn’t see you there, y/n. so quiet and small, hard to notice you.”

which was obviously a lie. rafe noticed you the second he walked into the stupid party.

“what do you want, rafe? getting bored at the country club?” you asked, your lips dropping into a fake pout.

“actually the country club is entertaining, unlike some needy bitches who can’t satisfy my needs.”

your face dropped as kie gasped beside you—jj completely unaware of what was going on but still pissed at the way rafe was speaking to you.

rafe’s face dropped slightly at the realization of what he just said, nothing but lies falling from his mouth as his eyes filled with guilt.

“fuck you.”

YOU didn’t remember much after that. just the events taking place of jj trying to throw another punch at the boys before getting dragged away by kie.

the poor girl was trying to control her hot headed friend while the other was on the verge of tears.

but you refused to cry.

in front of rafe or not, you would not let yourself cry over him.

all you remember is crashing at john b’s house and waking up with a massive headache.

your legs were draped over kie’s as the two of you slept on john b’s bed, the boys taking the couch in the living room.

light from the outside peeked through the curtains as your eyes slowly adjusted to the brightness.

your phone laid next to you on the comforter as your hands dragged it closer.

what you weren’t expecting was a shitload of texts from rafe.

rafe cameron: i’m really sorry

[sent 1:34am]

rafe cameron: y/n

[sent 1:34am]

rafe cameron: i didn’t mean anything i said

[sent 1:36am]

rafe cameron: i was drunk and wasn’t thinking

[sent 1:40am]

rafe cameron: please hear me out

[sent 1:41am]

rafe cameron: meet me at our place

[sent 1:49am]

rafe cameron: 7:30am

[sent 1:51am]

you groaned loudly while reading his texts, the need to throwup swirling in your stomach as you tossed your phone to the side.

you ran your hands over your face as you thought on what to do, biting your bottom lip in the process as you stared at the wall in front of you.

after what felt like an hour of pondering, you let yourself slip off the bed and grab your hoodie that was thrown on the floor.

you were going to see him.

‘WHAT if she doesn’t show’ rafe thought to himself as he sat in the sand, his eyes locked on the waves crashing in front of him.

he was stupid last night.

the boy made a stupid mistake that he regretted deeply.

he just needs to show you how sorry he is.

“rafe.”

his head snapped in the direction of your voice, your figure standing a few feet from his as he then quickly stood up.

he dusted off his pants before nervously making eye contact, his throat suddenly drying up as he attempted to swallow what felt like a rock.

“y/n, i’m s-so so sorry for what i said yesterday. i-i didn’t mean any of it-”

“so what? i’m supposed to forgive you?” you cut off, raising an eyebrow as his mouth fell slightly, “what if it happens again?”

“i-it won’t! i swear it won’t. i was just drunk and jealous and really fucking stupid” he blabbered on, his hands shaking as he tried to defend himself.

“jealous?” you asked, your eyebrows furrowing together as he nodded his head shamefully.

“of you and that stupid pogue.”

“jj?!”

he seemed to visibly retract from your words, his eyes narrowing as he bit the inside of his cheek.

“yeah, him.”

“so you acted the way you did...because of jj?” you slowly asked, his eyebrows knitting together as he stared at you.

“i didn’t mean it, y/n...” he frowned, his face dropping slightly as you waited for him to continue, “please give me another chance, i’ll show you how sorry i am—how much you mean to me.”

it was quiet for a good minute as your thoughts swarmed your mind for a response.

“rafe...”

“y/n, please.”

another minute went by, the only sound coming from the waves crashing along the shore.

“fine.”

IT had been five months since you forgave rafe, and things were honestly going better than you had expected.

after that morning on the beach he took you out on a proper date—ending in him walking you back to your house and even stealing a kiss.

he even stopped starting fights with jj and the other pogues, wanting you to know that he was better than that.

“WHAT do you want to watch?” rafe asked while flipping through channels, one hand holding the remote while the other rested on the small of your back.

“m’not sure, you can pick.”

he hummed in response before clicking on some random channel, not really planning on watching it anyway.

he tossed the remote to the side before looking down at you, admiring your relaxed state with your arms wrapped tightly around his torso.

“you know i love you right?” he suddenly asked, his voice low and soft as he stared at you from above.

“why so gushy, rafe?” you teased, your own head angling up to see him better.

he was so beautiful.

“i’m not gushy,” he rolled his eyes, “i just wanted to remind you.”

you blushed at his words before nuzzling back into the crook of his neck, your lips kissing the delicate skin making him smile.

“i love you too, rafe.”

🏷rafe cameron taglist : @jordynsharum

a/n: could you tell i didn’t know how to end it

#rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x reader #rafe obx #obx rafe #rafe x you #rafe x y/n #rafe x reader #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron angst #rafe angst #rafe cameron

[suna-reversed]

HI CAN I REQUEST 58 61 AND 99 WITH SUKUNA🥺

Kitchen encounters with the King of Curses

SUKUNA X F!READER// fluff+ nsfw!!// 1.9k+

the 3 kitchen encounters that changed your relationship with Sukuna. 

#58 “Do you know how beautiful you are? It’s truly distracting.” 

 #61 “If you don’t change out of those shorts and into some pants I’ll have them around your ankles by lunch time.”

#99 “You know, there wasn’t a single thing to eat in the kitchen until you walked in.” 

(Tags/Warnings- starts out with crack and fluff but MAJOR smut and filth at the end! Degradation, Oral (receiving), creampie, being bent over a table??)

A/N: you can either consider the reader to be in a poly relationship with both Yuji and Sukuna, or you can just take Yuji as your room-mate/friend. 

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“Oh my god stop it- what is wrong with you argh-”

“I will burn down this kitchen the next time you try to put such an atrocious thing near me again-”

You snorted in the corner, hands coming up to suppress your uncontrollable laughter. You never thought there would be a day you’d watch the mouth of your lover try to attack it’s own host (and your room-mate) after Yuji had promptly tried to pop in a piece of coffee jelly into the mouth on his palm. Noticing your presence, the curse spat a few bitter words at you too while Yuji pleaded for your help in the background,

“He said he was hungry!” Yuji exclaimed, throwing his hands up.

“Well, I don’t think he did anything wrong then Sukuna, it’s not like you specified what you were hungry for...” You replied, tone laced with playfulness as you watched the mouth disappear from Yuji’s palm.

It was silent for a while, and you heard Yuji sigh with relief, but it was short-lived as the mouth once again reappeared on his neck, a smirk growing as it lowly said,

“Now that I think of it, I do know what I’m hungry for. You know, there wasn’t a single thing to eat in the kitchen until you walked in.”

The comment was enough to make heat crawl up your entire face, prompting Yuji to shoo away at the mouth with his hand (not a great idea because he did get bitten in the process). 

-------------------

“Where’s the milk?”

You yelped, almost dropping the said milk carton at the sudden intrusion of a deep voice that you didn’t think you would ever get used to. Turning around, you realised that it wasn’t just a mouth on some part of Yuji’s body that spoke, but the king of curses in flesh himself. Very much in flesh indeed as he walked around in just a pair of sweatpants. Concentrating hard on keeping your eyes above his chest, you asked,

“Must you get rid of the shirt every single time you shift?”

“Yes” he replied without missing a beat. You pretended to ignore the sharp-set pair of eyes that were darting down your bare legs.

“And why do you need milk ? I didn’t think you required food for sustenance...or even preferred it.”

“I need it to take a bath of course.”

You scrunched your eyebrows, head tilting in confusion as you contemplated if he was being serious.

He countered with a look of his own that made it seem like his request was the most obvious thing in the world.

“And perhaps..you can join me” He said while covering the distance between you both in two long strides

Your face flustered at his suggestive tone, a hand reaching down to tug at your over-sized shirt nervously. His eyes darkened as his eyes raked down your body once more. Your breath hitched in your throat as he placed a hand right beside your head on the kitchen shelf, leaning forward until you could feel his breath on your neck,

“If you don’t change out of those shorts and into some pants , I’ll have them around your ankles by lunch time.” he whispered.

You gasped, half intimidated- half excited as his other hand lightly trailed up your side. But then just as quickly, you felt the warmth of his bare skin leave as he took a few steps back away from you. Noticing the sudden emptiness in your hand, you snapped your head up, your eyes meeting a pair of mischievous ones , whose possessor now held the milk carton in one hand as he walked away whistling a tune you didn’t quite know.

---------nsfw below cut!----------

It would be an understatement to say that Yuji’s mission had been a train-wreck. The biggest flaw being that you, a civilian, not only got dragged into it, but were also gravely injured. The higher ups had only let him get away with it because despite being utterly beaten and ruined himself, he had still risked his life to make sure he carried you to safety. No one knew that it wasn’t actually Yuji, who had ended up succumbing to his injuries, but the malicious curse instead who had gently nosed at your hair, carrying you back home as he, in his words, “forbid you from leaving him alone in this ramshackled world.”

That was the last you had seen of him, Yuji being caught up in meetings with the higher ups as you stayed in the now protected apartment, still recovering. And now here you were, standing in the kitchen in a comfy pair of shorts and sweatshirt, waiting for your tea to heat up in the microwave.

“Well, well, what did I say about you not changing out of those shorts...” 

Your entire body stilled for a second at the voice that had become as familiar to you as the back of your hand. Turning around, your eyes met his, relieved that he was finally back. 

Sukuna seemed to be in a daze as you walked towards him, your arms encasing his torso as you buried your head into his chest. When you didn’t feel him embrace you back, you pulled away worriedly. You knew it wasn’t just the strain on Yuji’s body that made him seem tired, his eyes were sunken, almost hollowed out as he continued to stare into your face. Your hand reached up to caress his face as a way of asking if he was okay. That finally seemed to snap him back to reality as leaned further into your touch.

“Do you know how beautiful you are? It’s truly distracting.” He mumbled onto the skin of your palm, eyes moving up to meet yours.

Your heart swelled with joy at the raw tenderness in his words. Getting up on your tip-toes, you pressed your lips to his, hands moving to entangle in his hair. Small pecks turned into deep passionate kisses as your tongues clashed with each other. You lightly squealed as his arms wrapped around you, easily picking you up and putting you on the marble counter-top.

For once you were mad that he hadn’t ripped apart Yuji’s shirt as your hands slid under it to run your nails across his muscular abdomen. He got the message as he deftly pulled it over his head in one go, doing the same for your shirt and bra that were ripped off of you and discarded somewhere on the floor. Your shorts soon enough joining the pile.

Sukuna’s hands wandered and travelled all across the expanse of your body. Everywhere except for right where you wanted him. His mouth sucked hickeys onto the skin of your neck as his hands fondled your breasts, rolling around and pinching your sensitive nipples.

You cried out his name, a plea asking for more. It was the sweetest sound he had ever heard and the curse decided that it won’t be the last time he does so. His lips trailed down your body, making sure to leave a trail of evidence behind, teeth coming into the mix to leave a bite-mark every now and then. Looking up at you from between your thighs, he had never had a better view. His mouth watered at the sight of your dripping heat as he pulled apart your legs. You were literally spread out like a feast on the table, a feast that was all for him to enjoy.

“Plea-please- need you to touch me.”

“Patience, my love.”

He ran a digit around your sensitive nub, another finger dipping down to add some lubrication to his perverse ministrations. You swore you saw stars as he finally leaned forward, pulling your thighs over his shoulders as his tongue rolled out to lick a broad stripe across your folds. The moans of your pleasure mixed in with the slurping sounds of him licking away at your juices only seemed to spur him on further as his lips suctioned around your swollen clit, making you buck your hips into his face. One of his hands slid up to knead one of your tits as he continued to devour you. You suddenly felt a wet sensation across your nipple, looking down to see the mouth on his palm nibbling at your bud. The mouth on his palm pulled your nipple into its mouth at the same time that Sukuna’s tongue latched around your clit, his teeth lightly grazing the hood making you scream out his name as your orgasm crashed through you.

Your chest was heaving, eyes still closed when he came up, teeth nibbling on the side of your jaw as his hand pushed away stray hair out of your face,

“You were so needy just a while ago. Already tired are we?” He asked in a playful mocking tone.

“Not in the-” You panted slightly, “...least bit.”

He looked up at you, hooded eyes filled with lust as he licked a stripe right across your jaw to your ear, before moving away, making you whine.

“So impatient...” He commented, clicking his tongue as he pulled you up, melding his lips with yours once more as your hands moved to explore the expanse of his broad shoulders.

“I want you bent over this counter. Now.” He growled out against your lips, barely moving back as you rushed to hop down and turn over, his hands already pushing your back down.

One of his hands reached to the front to rub your slick heat, the other pulling his thick member out of his briefs, a moan escaping your mouth as he lightly tapped it against the inside of your thigh.

“ah- fuck-” You moaned out loud as two of his fingers filled you up, but it wasn’t enough, “Sukuna- please- need you to inside me so bad” You choked on your words as you begged.

“Only since you asked so nicely.” was the response as the hand that was covered in your slick now moved up to wrap across your throat as Sukuna lined himself up with your folds. You threw your head back against his chest, gripping the edge of the table as he entered you.

“I’m not even halfway through and you’re already so stretched out...stuffed all full of my cock like the needy little slut you are huh?”

Your eyes rolled back at his filthy words, hips jutting out towards him more as he filled you completely. Both of you moaned in unison as he started to move, hands gripping onto your hips tight enough to leave bruises as he relentlessly thrusted into you. You groaned in both pain and pleasure as a harsh slap came down onto your ass, followed by an arm lifting one of your legs up. His cock brushed against that one sensitive spot inside your walls at the new angle, his thrusts getting deeper with each stroke as you came undone once again with a loud scream, his name like a plea on your lips. Sukuna found his own release soon enough, pulling out to spray the lower half of your back with his seed, making a mess everywhere.

You were in a post-sex daze as you felt yourself being lifted up and carried into the bathroom. Soon enough, you found yourself being lowered into a hot bath, another body joining you as arms wrapped around your figure, making you sigh and nuzzle into the familiar scent. You felt your eyes fall shut, a small smile still etched on your lips, unbeknown to the two pair of eyes on the curse’s face, filled with adoration, as they stared down at you. 

------------------

The next morning, you sat on the same countertop you had been utterly ruined on top of last night, the eyes of your lover  (who had reluctantly carried you out from the comfort of your bed because you were hungry at 6 am and couldn’t walk by yourself) met yours as he pulled out the box of blueberries from the fridge.

“Maybe you’d like to give another chance to coffee jelly now-”

“I will kill you-”

“I’ll feed it to you if you want you kno-”

You were cut off by a pair of lips pressing against your own in a gentle kiss,

“I have something much more delicious right here already.”

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