#i'm glad you could sleep at night knowing i was suffering because of our relationship

[tetsunabouquet]

Heir Of The Lands Chapter 17

Love's Confused Babysteps Masterpost

The silence had been deafening as they ate part of their food rations for dinner purposes. Kit didn't knew how to talk to Ty, and neither did the other. Dru was just watching and observing the two, very clearly just intent on watching it unfold, the same went for Livvy. Much to both the boys chagrin. Why did she insist on making them suffer so? Kit really thought he should have a conversation with the girls and how their clear shipping was annoying, especially when they weren't in a relationship to begin with. He made sure to glare at her when the two retreated to the shacks' bedroom. Dru only looked pleased and amused. Damn that girl. Kit awkwardly plopped down on the chair as Ty shuffled to the bed. "Considering Dru wants us to talk things out, is there something you wish to say to me?" Ty asked, knowing the wisest course of action to be to get of everything off their chests before proceeding with their mission to rescue Jaime. Kit honestly didn't knew what to say, how to say anything. It seemed, for once, Ty was the only one in the room who could speak. Ty, not knowing what to do what Kit's silence, decided to ask a question that came to him upon occasion during the past two years. "If I may, there's something I actually would like to ask you. When you said you loved me, when we were trying, no, when I was trying to bring back Livvy, how did you mean that?" Ty looked at Kit, his fingers twitching and fluttering at his sides. "Are you asking me clarification for wether it was a love confession or not? Because it was." Kit replied, looking at the chair and refusing to meet Ty's gaze; who was eyeing him from the bed. Ty looked away. "I am sorry I failed to give you a worthy reply." Kit clenched his fists, just letting the apology sink in before replying, "I understand. You were blinded by grief, that's a very human response." Ty looked over once more, hesitance written all over his face. Not that Kit would see, because he was very intent on ignoring those sweet silvery grey eyes, because Kit knew they would break him completely. "You're being nicer to me then I probably deserve in hindsight, but I honestly am sorry. I was so dependent on you and needed you so badly that I didn't properly appreciate the kindness you were showing me. I am sorry if you felt used." "I didn't." Kit replied immediately, suprirising even himself with the sharpness. "I'm glad to hear that." Ty replied, the room growing awkwardly silent. Figuring that since he had started the conversation, he should keep on taking the lead, Ty asked, "Do you think you would perhaps like to do something, just you and me, and catch up, after we finished our mission?" Kit nearly stumbled out of the chair at the surprising question, finally looking at Ty to see him looking at him with that tender hesitance that made Kit want to protect him forever and ever. "Of course," Kit answered, because was there ever any other answer he could give? Ty gave him a small smile, unsure of what to say next, if he had to say something next. Kit smiled back and said, "Well you better get to sleep, tomorrow is important you know?" Ty nodded and looked at him. "You certain that chair is comfortable enough for you?" Kit felt himself get a little red and he tried to sink further into the chair as a response. "It is. Good night Ty." "Good night Kit."

Livvy eavesdroppes on the entire thing with glee. Finally, progress! Now came the most important thing, keeping them alive until they got the opportunity to have their first date. She went down to an already sleeping Dru, and looked at her little sister with an envious delight. "Oh, you get the actual perks of getting to play the supportive parts I can't have. I wish I could hug them just one more time. Lucky you."

#twp #the wicked powers #tsc #the shadowhunter chronicles #shadowhunters #shadowhunter chronicles #livvy blackthorn #dru blackthorn #ty blackthorn #kit herondale #kit herongraystairs #kit x ty

[figs-and-cigs]

So I started talking to this guy, we hit things off pretty well, went on a couple dates. It became very clear that he was pretty infatuated with me. He began asking about a relationship, labels, a kink dynamic. I mostly shrugged on the red flags: "sure I'd like and am interested in those things - we'll see how it goes!"

So my entire household got sick, kiddo, spouse, myself. My chronic fatigue kicked in and I wasn't interacting with anyone. I'm very honest about my health issues whenever I start taking to people. I go through phases of intense self care/isolation. I have mental and physical health issues, but I manage them. I get sick or have chronic pain/fatigue flares often. "If you don't hear from me, I'm usually fine, busy, sleeping."

But, very often, when people (who don't know me very well) don't hear from me for a bit they seem to jump to 2 conclusions.

I'm dying or at least suffering greatly!

OMG I must hate you and don't want anything to do with you!

Neither of which are ever really true - and if they are I'll say something (I know how to ask for help, and I know how to communicate if our relationship isn't working.)

So this guy I'd been talking to didn't hear from me for a day - because I was sick and slept all day. He sent tons of messages (1. accurately assuming I was "suffering".) I responded as I could and moved on with my life (parenting, being sick with a sick spouse).

Eventually we were feeling better and I went to a Polyam friends' for game night. Well Mr. Guy called, I didn't answer (because I was kicking butt at Quelf), and he sent messages about how worried he was because he hadn't heard from me, for a day...

Anyways after another 2 weeks of me literally just living my life (parenting, self care, my support groups, therapy, cfs day, projects, time with spouse, social engagements) and being bombarded by texts about how worried he was about my being sick all the time (1), or how worried he was that I lost interest in him (2). (Note: I wasn't ignoring him, just not able to have hour long conversations with him every damn day!)

I finally spoke up, eventually ending in this message:

"I really wanted to explore this, but it seems really apparent to me that while a lot of our interests are aligned you're wanting and hoping for a lot more than I can offer - and the timeframe of things aren't aligning well, and my health issues and inability to be more involved in your life is causing you immense distress. It doesn't feel right for me to continue this."

He offered to change (yikes!) insisted he wanted to understand and "navigate this with me" (I don't come with a manual!) There were other red flags I didn't mention, but I'm glad I kept my boundaries and handled this pretty gracefully.

Did I mention I'd only talked to this guy for 2 months, went on 2 dates, didn't establish any type of dynamic? He's also married and been Polyam for 10 years? Also during those 2 months he had 3 other partners breaks up with him... (my understanding is these relationships weren't very long either...)

I hope he talks to his therapist and sorts his stuff out. Trying not to be judgey mcjudgerson but damn dude....

Meanwhile, this isn't my first rodeo and I'm kind of frustratingly wondering -

Do I need to find a better way to clarify my disabilities, my schedules, the way I communicate to new people? It hasn't seemed to be an issue for most of my relationships - but their communication style seem to align with mine (i.e. we don't need to talk every day.) My conclusion is NO, I can't control when people take it personally or become worried about me - and I can only use so many spoons to continually validate and reassure them that 1. I'm ok. I manage my health issues. 2. It's not about them.

WTF is it about "Polam" Cishet MEN wanting to jump into a relationship/dynamic within the first month of talking!?!? This isn't the first time, and I'm sure I won't be the last. (I'm reminded of the man, who on our first date, tried to link our Google calendars together! Ughhh. NO!) I've not had this problem with non Cishet Men - (and not with the Cishet Men I currently have relationships with lol). But even monogamous people date for a while before starting a relationship, right? RIGHT?

#glad i got that off my chest #vent blog #chronic illness #ethical non monogamy #chronic pain #fibromyalgia #polyamorous #polyam dating #dating #chronic fatigue

[heyyyharry]

THE 1 (inspired by "the 1" by Taylor Swift)

...in which Y/N sees her ex again in a dream.

Word count: 1.5k

Buy me a coffee on Patreon!

.

.

.

Y/N opened her eyes and found herself standing in a hallway. The walls on both sides were painted black, and so was the ceiling. There was only one door in front of her, and as she looked back over her shoulder, the hallway stretched far and beyond into the shadow of nothingness. She had no choice but to move forward. She reached the door, turned the handle, opened it and stepped in. Embraced by the warm orange light, she found herself in her bedroom. She wasn’t the only one there, though.

He was sitting on her bed. His eyes lit up with a smile when he saw her as if he’d been expecting her. Why is he here? she wondered, then asked aloud, “Am I dreaming?”

Harry chuckled and patted the spot beside him on the bed. Hesitantly, she came and sat down. She wanted to reach out and touch his face, feel his skin, but she wasn't sure she could. If she did that, and it wasn't a dream, she'd be embarrassed; if she did that, and it was a dream, she'd be disappointed.

"Why do you think so?" he asked. She hadn't heard his voice in years, only on videos. It was just as warm and homely as she'd remembered.

She felt tears stinging her eyes as she said, "Because you're in New York this week for a show."

He pressed his lips together, a haunting yet tender smile. "That's right," he said. "And you're in London. Warm and safe in your bed."

After a moment of nothing but silent eye contact and the rapid pounding of her nervous little heart, he asked, "You okay?" British people sometimes asked this question when they wanted to ask, "How are you?" So Y/N wasn't sure what Harry meant in this case. Did he want to know how she was, or was he just checking if she was okay after what had happened between them years ago?

"I'm okay," she answered. That should be good for both possible meanings of the question, she thought.

He nodded once, his expression neutral. "So am I," he said.

Those words stung her heart like a sharp needle. She didn't want to hear that he was okay. She wanted to know how much he'd suffered from the pain of leaving her. She wanted to hear how miserable he'd been ever since he'd cut her off without giving her closure. He wasn't allowed to be okay, not then, not now, not even after twenty years had passed.

Was this really a dream? Because shouldn't she get to hear what she'd wanted to hear instead of the bitter truth – that he was doing okay and only thinking of her as someone he pitied?

Harry sucked in a breath. “I’m so glad to see you again, honestly. When you finally see someone you haven’t seen in a while and know that they’re alright, it’s easier to breathe.”

Y/N nodded while fidgeting with the hem of her nightdress. She felt this way as well. “Did you miss me?” she asked.

“I always miss you,” he replied. “Even when we were together.”

“So why did you leave?” she trembled. “You just left without giving me closure. You cut me off. I-I didn’t know what I’d done wrong.”

“It had nothing to do with you.”

“Then why did I have to suffer?”

Harry stared at her with his wide eyes. Even if he was just a product of her imagination, that shocked reaction was almost too real. “I was just wrong for you,” he said. “But if I didn’t leave, you wouldn’t meet him. You’re happier now. I could never give you this.” Y/N felt embarrassed that she’d temporarily forgotten about her man. Maybe she hadn’t expected that the Y/N in this universe where Harry was still in her life, could be with someone else.

Smiling, Harry reached out, took her hand and squeezed; his fingers were warm. “We would never have what you now have with him, Y/N. You wanted a secure relationship with mutual trust, while ours was full of insecurities and anxiety. The highs were too high, and the lows were too low. It wasn’t good for either of us.”

“I get it,” Y/N sighed. “Still, you could’ve told me.”

“I was scared,” he admitted, regretfully. “I was a coward. And when I left I was stupid enough to think that maybe one day I could come back and we could have the kind of relationship you expected from me.”

“You wanted me to just wait around for you and welcome you back with open arms after you’d left me like that?” Y/N asked, offended.

Harry shook his head. “I knew you wouldn’t, but I was selfish enough to have hoped so.”

Y/N sat in silence for a long moment and pondered. “You know,” she started. “This is the conversation I wish we could have had in the real world. Do you...do you think the real you still remembers me?”

“Of course. You were a big part of my life.”

Y/N’s shoulders slumped with an exhale. “You’re only saying that because I want to believe that,” she said.

Harry didn’t respond, only smiling.

“You know,” she began again. “I thought I saw you at a bus stop last week.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Then I realised you would never take the bus, and it made me feel like a fool.”

Harry threw his head back and laughed. “That would’ve been a crowded bus stop for sure.”

“Definitely.” Y/N rolled her eyes, chuckling a little. “That night, I had a dream in which you were doing cool shit, then you met some woman on the internet and took her home.”

Harry raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t you meet your guy on the internet, though?”

“Yeah.” Y/N shrugged. “I felt awful for being jealous in my dream. Maybe I just didn’t want to think you were leading the same happy life.”

“I’ve gone through a very public breakup after us, so I doubt I was leading the same happy life.”

After he’d left her, Harry had dated a model, and their breakup had been so nasty he’d written a whole album of breakup songs for that woman. Y/N hadn’t listened to it yet; she couldn’t.

“What time is it?” Harry asked suddenly, breaking Y/N’s train of thoughts. He whipped his head around to look at the clock on the wall behind them. “Almost 2 AM?” he gasped. “Damn, I think I should leave so you can get your sleep. It’s gonna be a busy day for you, love.”

Y/N opened her mouth to ask him to stay for a little longer. She had so many questions for him that she didn’t know which one to begin with. But then she remembered that she would never know more than what she already knew. Because this wasn’t the real Harry. He would only give her answers she wanted the real Harry to say.

“Okay,” she said as they both got up from the bed. “Thank you...for coming tonight. It’s nice to finally have closure.” He had visited her many nights before over the years, but this was the first night they’d ever had a proper conversation.

“I might not come back after this,” he said.

She was sad to hear it, but it was probably for the best. She couldn’t keep dreaming about him, because she loved her new man, and she deserved peace and happiness as much as Harry did.

So she nodded, lips pressed into a polite smile. Harry opened his arms, and they embraced for the first time in years. His hug felt too real. It was scary how she could remember exactly how it’d felt to replicate it in a dream.

When he let her go, he cupped her face and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs. “It would’ve been fun,” he said, “if I could’ve been the one.”

At this point, Y/N was holding back her tears. She told him, “If my wishes came true, it would’ve been you.”

Then, she woke up as her best friend rushed into the room, yelling about how she would be late for the ceremony if she slept in. Still dazed from her sleep, Y/N reached for her phone on the nightstand to check for a message that didn’t come. There was only a message from her man saying he couldn’t wait to see her in her wedding dress and that he loved her very much. She put down the phone and rolled out of bed. She was getting married today.

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles series #harry styles writing #harry styles angst #harry styles blurb #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots #harry styles x reader #harry styles fic rec #harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n

[saymynamewithluv]

Yoongi CEO AU

This is for the winner of the Yoongi Raffle @bangtan-sonyeonddaeng ​

Me and @btslovsyou ​ hope you like it! I wrote the beginning half leading to the smut while @btslovsyou ​ wrote the smut and the ending. 

Summary: You and Yoongi have been coworkers for a long time and you two developed a friendship. You two had feelings for each other but never said anything. Until one boring meeting turns into an unexpected confession with a little twist. 

Word Count: 1.4k

Warning: smut

Here you are at another boring meeting with your coworkers. You walked into the conference room and took your seat as you waited for everyone else to show up. After a few minutes, Yoongi walked in and when he saw you he smiled. You didn't like a lot of people at your job but that all changed when you first met Yoongi. You and Yoongi became really good friends as you two started to hang out after work. You two would text each other when you got bored at work and you need a distraction. For being friends for almost two years now you started to develop feelings for the blonde businessman. Yoongi walked up to you and sat beside you. 

"I'm so glad you're here. Now I have someone to suffer with me through this boring meeting." You said as you chuckled and looked at him.

"Right! Now we can suffer together but if it gets too boring maybe we can get away and have some fun." He looked at you with a smirk on his face. 

You didn't know what he meant but it made your face light up like a tomato. You looked away and cleared your throat as you tried to avoid eye contact. 

"S-so how is your day so far?" You asked him. 

"It was ok but now it's better because I got to see you."

You just smiled and looked down. More people started to enter the conference room and the last person to enter was your boss. 

"Ok everyone let's begin the meeting."

You sighed as you were not ready for this meeting. 

---------------------------------------------------

A hour has passed and you dozed off so many times that Yoongi had to nudge you when he caught you falling asleep. It's not your fault though. You didn't get much sleep last night because of your noisy neighbors. Yoongi leaned over to you and whispered in your ear. 

"You ok y/n?"

"Yeah I'm fine, I just didn't get much sleep last night because of my neighbors."

"Well, maybe I can help you stay up." He smirked at you as he turned his gaze back to his notes. 

"What do you mean-" You were cut off by your boss. 

"Y/n do you have something you would like to share?"

"N-no sir I-"

"Y/n was just reminding me that we have an important deadline and I totally forgot about it, silly me. Please excuse us." Yoongi chimed in. 

"Very well. You two may leave."

You and Yoongi stood up as you thanked your boss and left the conference room. Yoongi grabbed your hand as he led you to his office. 

"Yoongi we don't have a deadline."

"I know but they don't have to know that."

As you two entered his office he closed his door and locked it. 

"W-why did you lock the door…?"

"Y/n I have something to confess. I've liked you for a long time now and I can't hold back my feelings any longer."

"Y-yoongi… I like you too a lot actually."

"Good that means I can do this."

After he said that he went up to you and started to kiss your lips gently. 

"What should I do? Should I try to seduce him?" You thought to yourself, wondering if you should take this to the next level. "This is too much! We just confessed our love to each other's love! I should stop it and take things slowly! But yet again….. I kinda want this to happen!" You thought to yourself as you pushed him down to his chair, hearing Yoongi give out a light grunt due to the force of you pushing the chair. 

As you straddled his lap you decided to lean down and kiss his neck, sucking on it and giving him dark purple hickeys, knowing that they will stay for probably quite awhile! You slowly leaned down and kissed his stomach, his arms, his veiny hands, his thighs, and went until you reached his boner which is hard and ready to fuck you to the touch. 

"Well what do we have here?" You said as you trailed your hand to his crotch and gripped it, hearing him give out a loud moan, possibly knowing that your coworkers heard that and probably would tease him later on in the day. "Please…" Yoongi grunted out while thrusting in your hand. "Please what?" You said, knowing that he was begging for you to either do one of the two things, to ride him, or to suck him. You didn't wait for an answer, you unzipped his pants, pulled both his boxers and his pants down to his ankles, seeing that his member sprang out, and started to stroke it ever so gently. 

"Fuck!..." Yoongi muttered out as you stroked it faster, seeing him winter to your touch and slowly drowning himself to your mercy. Never in your life had you seen your boss like this, and you were pleased by it. Only you could control this powerful man. "Let's take this a step further.." You whispered to him as you pecked his tip, seeing that his eyes were rolled in the back of his head. You slowly went to lick the tip next, finally you took his whole length and forced it down your throat bobbing your head up and down. Yoongi looked down and saw that you were looking back at him as you sucked him off, wanting to grip the back of your head, loving it as you purposefully moaned on his member, sending vibrations throughout his entire body. 

As you knew he was close to releasing he decided it was his turn to take control. "Babygirl, get on the desk now!" Yoongi said as he pushed your head away from his twitching member, seeing a string of your saliva connected with the tip of his erection, wanting to just fuck you right then and now. 

As you bent down over his desk, your ass ever present, he pulled your skirt up and pulled your panties to the side, seeing you were wet to the touch as he rubbed the tip of his member. "God… you're so wet for me already?" He said and without hesitation he pushed his member inside your folds, hearing you give out a loud shriek, not knowing that he was going to do that. He stayed still and waited for you to give out the "ok" for him to continue. 

As he pushed back he watched your face just to make sure that you were ok with him to push back in. He started off slowly but after a couple of minutes of him thrusting deep inside you, he was so close to coming that he roughly thrusted deep inside of you, not caring that others were hearing yours and his moans together. "Aaahh! You feel so good!" Yoongi yelled out as he was about to reach his climax, knowing that you were probably close as well. "Are you close kitten?" Yoongi muttered out in between his moans, seeing that you gave a quick nod of your head, already at a loss of breath. "Then come for me…" He whispered into your ear. 

As soon as you heard those words, it was like a burst of fireworks exploded inside of you. "That's it…..That's it…" Yoongi spoke as he thrusted sloppily before he pulled out of you and came on the floor while stroking his cock at a fast pace. After he finished himself he instantly sat down on the nearest chair and gave out a loud gasp of air watching as you gave out deep breaths as well. 

"You did so good…" Yoongi told you as he looked at you and saw your eyes shining, as if only he could control you like that and only him. "We should probably get dressed… You know why…" You said as Yoongi sat up and got his pants back on and tightened the belt of his pants and held your hand to get you right back on your feet. 

As he walked you out of his office with his hand behind your back, rubbing it every so gently he whispered in your ear "I'll meet you after work. I'll pick you up and drop you off at home." As he kissed your cheek, seeing that you gave a smirk in response to his order. 

To conclude on this day, you, my friend, was going to have a wonderful rest of your life at work, now knowing that you are in a relationship with the boss from your work! 

Masterlist

#min yoongi #yoongi #agust d #suga #bts min yoongi #bts yoongi #bts agust d #bts suga #bts #bts smut #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts imagine #bts imagines #yoongi x reader #reader x yoongi #yoongi smut #min yoongi smut #min yoongi imagine #yoongi imagine #min yoongi reaction #yoongi reaction #min yoongi scenario #yoongi scenario #min yoongi imagines #yoongi imagines #min yoongi reactions #yoongi reactions

[skzluvs]

One last time; Seo Changbin

Genre: New year’s party! Angst; Some fluff towards the end

Warnings: Mild Swearing

Word count: 1.8K

A/N: Happy New year’s!!! To all my readers I want to take a moment and express my gratitude towards every single one of you. Thank you for reading my stories it honestly means the world to me. I know they might not be the best but for 2020 I hope to become a much better writer and provide you guys more projects so please look forward to it!! and keep on supporting me I will try my best to never disappoint you. I wish nothing but happiness and love for all of you. Thank you for making this year special💖

It was a cold night, the temperature reaching under minus 12 degrees Celsius, despite being in an almost freezing point state you were still there; standing in front of that apartment door debating if you should go In or turn around. Go Back home. Regretting all decisions from wearing such a short dress to even coming in the first place.

You were about to leave, at the realization that this was not your place. That his friends were inside and that there was a possibility that he was there as well, having fun. Unlike you who was suffering from the unfortunate weather.

You grabbed onto your bag and turned your heels to walk off to the elevator. As you were turning around; something made a "click" sound alongside with the twisting of a door knob.

" Y/N is that you?..." Jeongin asked stepping out of the door frame in order to get a full view of the person he was talking to.

You turned back slowly cursing the universe for not letting you with this one.

" Hi Jeongin it's been a while" you said with a nostalgic smile.

The boy had grown taller and you definitely missed him, you missed all of your friends but you understood their reasons behind staying with Him when everything happened. Certainly you didn't blame them.

“I’ve missed you" he said with eyes sparkling. Little tears were forming under his eyes but yet he still had the brightest smile.

Memories came back to you at the look of the youngest. You remembered how he pretended to be annoyed all the time by you and Changbin. Because both of you baby him too much. But deeply inside  was still the happiest due to the amount of love he received. He acted like a spoiled brat but you guys loved him anyways.

" Y/N!!, Jeongin what are you two doing outside it's freezing cold" The host said coming out of his apartment. Excited because you came, just as you told him you will earlier when he called you multiple times trying to convince you until you gave in.

The three of you went inside and Felix didn't wasted time to pull you into a hug.

"I'm glad you came" He said whispering in your ear.

"You basically forced me to” You said jokingly.

You spotted the rest of the boys near the kitchen counter. Laughing and having a good time.

Felix noticed how you were looking at your friends and he knew you had missed them just as much as they missed you.

He didn't hesitate to grab your hand and drag you through the people that was dancing on the living room.

"Look who's here" Felix said trying to caught the other's attention.

When they turned their heads to see you that you were the person Felix was trying to introduce, they couldn't believe it. They were so astonished. 

They almost suffocated you while trying to pull you into the warmest most welcoming group hug.

"Wow I'm flattered you guys really couldn't live without me huh” You said and all of them bursted into laughs.

It felt nice. Being with them like the old times.

For once your didn't regretted the decision of making your so awaited appearance tonight.

But deeply inside you knew something was still missing. You hated the fact that even in between laughs yours eyes scanned the whole room; expecting to find that person somewhere, in every corner. Smiling at you like the first time.

A thought crossed your mind; that you could no longer dwell on that pain. That as a New Year approached you had to leave your past mistakes behind. That you had to leave Him once and for all.

Chan offered you a glass of your favorite wine at the look of your face, he immediately knew you needed it.

Because to forget it takes more than a couple of drinks.

You were finally starting to have fun. Losing up to the carmine liquid on your lips. But it ended too quickly. Everything became blurry when you saw the front door opened. When a certain someone walked through it and your whole world began to crumble.

Your hands began to sweat and there was a knot on your throat that tighten at the firm steps he made towards you.

You grabbed onto Hyunjin, your legs became weak and you thought you would collapse at any moment.

You were not expecting to meet him ever again.

Not tonight.

Because you had began the year next to him but for unavoidable motives you were not going to end it together. Your relationship was nothing but a burden.

Or at least it was for him. You believed.

"Y/N..." He said softly almost as a whisper.

His voice;  you haven't listened to it in months. You had lost count of the days, because the pain was unbearable. You missed it so much you used to replay the songs he made for you, crying to sleep every night to them.

Seo Changbin was the only man you ever loved.

But he took your heart with him, he was still wearing it on his sleeve.

" Changbin, not the right moment " Minho said placing a hand on his chest trying to make him back away from you.

" Y/N please look at me" He spoke so sweetly. Evidently he still had an effect on you. But your eyes avoided his at all costs. Knowing you would fall for those sparkly orbs once again.

No one dared to say a word. The festive atmosphere was transformed into an uncomfortable silence.

" I know you hate me, and you have all right to do so but let me talk to you. Just for a minute, It won't take long. I promise"

In your head you were debating if it was the right thing to do. If after all He did He deserved a second of your time. And you undoubtedly knew the answer.

He didn't.

He caused a storm with his hands and let it rain on you.

Notwithstanding, You were the only one who deserved an answer. An explanation to the cowardliness of his actions.

You were determined to close this chapter of your life.

You lifted your head for the first time. You were nothing to be ashamed of unlike him.

Changbin noticed your sudden change in attitude when you stared at him with dark pupils. You nodded and signaled him to follow you. As you began to walk off your group of friends.

To say everyone was shocked it'll an understatement.

Changbin didn't wasted any more time and ran his way to your side. You guided him to the terrace. Where it'll be quiet enough for you to discuss the matter.

You opened the door and walked without looking back, stopping your tracks close to the railing; resting your elbows on top of it as you admired the city lights.

Changbin closed the door behind you; hoping to have as much privacy with you as possible. He stood next to you. Sightseeing the scenery. The only audible sound was your inconsistent breathing.

"It's a beautiful night isn't it?" He said sighing.

" Changbin did you brought me here to waste my time. Say what you've wanting to say and you better make it quick. I want to go back before the counting starts" Your words being just as cold as the wind.

" I'm sorry. I know you didn't came here tonight to listen to pathetic excuses. I know you were tying to have fun. Receive the Year with open arms surrounded by the people you love. I sincerely apologize for ruining everything, and I'm not solely talking about the party" His voice cracking a few times.

You were trying to contain the tears that were treating you to fall down your rosy cheeks.

" Let me begin; By saying that I have missed you. That there's not a single day I don't wake up imagining your body next to me.

That I was wrong all along, what I did was unforgivable. And you are worthy to know that I was a fucking asshole.

Because I neglected our relationship.

And you truly deserved someone much better that a boyfriend who put everything from His job, His Friends, His family above the love of his life" He began to sob and you whimpered quietly facing the other way so he couldn't see you crying at his speech.

"And I know that it'll be out of pure selfishness to say that I want you to come back. 

When I was the one who left.

I have regretted that night for the longest time.

When I walked out of our apartment at the sight of you imploring for me to not leave you.

The truth is I was incapable to handle such a caring soul as yours"

"But Y/N just please let me hold you one more night

When the clock hits 12 you can erase me from your life.

I'm begging you to let me kiss you one last time" A desperate tone and pleading eyes.

" I don't know if it's the alcohol in my veins or the your words that have me under a spell" You said struggling to get the words out of your mouth.

" My heart it's telling me this isn't right. Forgiving you so easily for all the pain you have caused. Nonetheless... I never stopped loving you" How hard was for you to confess to him again. It was the reality you lived in. Where love overtook your emotions. Where your strong facade fell right through reveling vulnerability.

"Allow me to make up for my past mistakes" He said sincerely.

You didn’t have to reply. When he already knows that all you've wanting is to hold him tight.

He places his arms onto your waist and makes your head rest on his broad shoulder.

You looked at your phone. One minute till the New Year arrives.

" On 2019 I failed to keep you by my side. But I'm not letting you go this year" He said holding both of your hands trying to raise the temperature of your body.

" Not only for a new year together but for the rest of our lives" You said over his lips and moved them at the rhythm of the fireworks and the background music coming from the inside.

It was an explosion of love and desire.

Cheers for a New beginning. For a love that prevails even when it's been washed away once the storm is over the sunshine comes up.

" Happy New Year’s My love" He said kissing you one more time. Eating your lips furiously. Not wasting any more time.

" Looking forward to spend it with you" You replied snuggling on his chest lost on his beautiful face ignoring anything else that surrounded you.

He made you stay by holding you one last time. Let’s see what this year awaits for the both of you.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids blurbs #stray kids angst #stray kids au #stray kids fluff #stray kids #skz imagines #skz au #kim seungmin #lee felix #han jisung #bang chan #yang jeongin #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #lee minho #kim woojin #stray kids reactions #stray kids scenarios #happy new year’s!

[missjoker96]

This story was a request from my lovely and sweet friend @arthurflecksgirl ♡♡♡

I'm so glad that we are friends!

Arthur getting new medication

Disclaimer: mentall illness

Arthur's point of view.

I couldn't sleep. Maybe because of my insomnia again or my sleeping pills don't help anymore.

I saw (Y/N) sleeping beside me so peaceful that I wished I could sleep too.

Why must I suffer and live with a mental illness? Sometimes I hate myself and wish to be a better and stronger boyfriend and a healthy one. Life can be so cruel and it was hard enough to live in a city like Gotham. Things made everything more difficult and I have to deal with it for already 35 years.

I thought that I would never find a girl who love me for who I am. Not many girls accept a relationship with a mental ill man.

But (Y/N) was different. She accepts me for who I am and she doesn't care if I have a mental illness. I'm so glad that I found her.

Time passed and finally I found some sleep, but not for long. The loud noises from the city and a police siren woke me early in the morning. This was a good chance for me to go to the pharmacy and get my new meds. I have a receipt which I got from Dr Kane. My old meds were driving me insane and they didn't help anymore. At least I felt so and so I decided to ask for new meds.

I put on my clothe's, my money and my keys before I left appartment 8J to go to Helm's pharmacy.

I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to buy those new meds, but I gave it a try.

Once I entered the building, I walked to the shop assistant and gave the lady who worked there my receipt. She gave me an odd look and asked me. "Are you sure that you want to buy those meds? They are stronger than your old meds, Mr Fleck."

Of course I would buy them. I got the receipt and I wanted to end my suffer, but nobody told me about the side effects. People were so ignorant and unpolite. I spoke about my doctor too. The woman in front of my eyes gave me a worried face expression and I shook my head. "Of course I take them. How much are they?" She told me the prize and I paid with my money before I left the pharmacy again. I had to go back home before (Y/N) woke up. I didn't want that she noticed my absence, so I hurried up until I arrived appartment 8J again. It was almost impossible to wake her, because she usually slept very deep and barely heard noises like a click from the keys.

The door opened and I slowly stepped inside without making noises. I closed the door silently and put my jacket in the wardrobe. I placed my keys on the table where I usually left them and went into the kitchen to prepare coffee. Coffee was always the best to stay awake if you were still tired in the morning. I took a seat at the chair and took my new meds out. I read the information about possible side effects, but didn't care and took my first pill. Nothing happened, because it took time to feel the effect of any pills. And then I heard a yawning. It was my beloved (Y/N). She was about to wake up and I quickly hid my new meds before I walked into the bedroom.

She was still asleep and I smiled at her. I couldn't believe my luck with her. I guess I will never believe it. Not now and not tomorrow. Never. I placed a kiss on her lips and whispered something into her ears.

"I am in the kitchen and wait for you, (Y/N.)"

I walked back into the kitchen and drank my cup of coffee and light up a cigarette. The cigarette I forgot to smoke yesterday.

I wondered if (Y/N) would notice my new meds sooner or later.

After a hour I heard my name from the bedroom calling. Or was it one of my hallucinations again?

"Arthur?" (Y/N) asked and probably wondered where I was.

This was the moment where I felt the real effect of my medication. I began to hallucinate again and felt alone again in my small appartment. It felt as I have always day dreamed about having a girlfriend who truly loves me, but right now it felt like my imagnation.

Suddenly she appeared in front of me and I barely looked up.

"Arthur.. Why didn't you wake me?"

I heard her name and looked at her.

(Y/N) stood in front of me, but who could tell me that she was real?

"You slept so good and I needed a coffee and my morning cigarette. Forgive me sweetheart." I got up from my chair and wrapped my arms around her to feel her. I need to feel her close to me and smelled her hair. It had the scent of coconut like our shower gel.

Mmh. How I loved the scent of coconut on her. My baby girl.

"It's okay Arthur. Can I get a morning kiss then?" She smiled at me in a sweet way and I couldn't say no. I placed a passionate kiss on her lips and closed my eyes.

But I broke the kiss too early.

My eyes were fixed at (Y/N) while I asked her a very stupid question.

"(Y/N), do you think I'm real? Is this real?"

She pulled back slowly and looked shocked at me as if I said something wrong. It was only a question, but she would notice my strange behavior.

"Why do you say that? You are real to me, Arthur. And I am real. Did you forget to take your meds again?"

Oh no. This question!

Yes I forgot to take them, but I couldn't tell her the truth. She wouldn't be happy with me, but I had to do something against my suffering and my insomnia.

I didn't want to answer her question and sat down on my chair again. I light up another cigarette and fixed my eyes at the ash tray.

"I often question myself if I do exist, (Y/N). I mean people are ignorant and eighter don't listen or don't hear what I'm saying."

It was the sad truth. I felt invisible for my whole life until I found (Y/N), but some days feel like the past of me again. Like nobody sees me.

"There is something you don't want to tell me. I can see the look in your eyes, Arthur. You can be honest with me. We trust each other, remember?"

I can feel how she stroked my hands and then placed her hands on my cheek. She would be mad at me if I told her the truth. There is another reason. I carried a shadow within me since my childhood and he should protect me from bullies and criminal attacks. This shadow lived inside of me and waited to come out and play.

Finally I looked into her eyes again and began to speak.

"I have told you about my horrible childhood. And there is a shadow who lives inside of me and he protects me, but he can only do that when he comes out. This shadow is part of me and he is real."

She stroked my stubborn curl out of my face and placed her hand on my cheek again. It felt good to be touched by her gentle hands and her face expression changed like she understood my words.

(Y/N) always understood me, but when I kept things hidden from her then things were different.

But I was glad that she always tried to understand me.

"I know the horrible story about your childhood, Arthur. I'm so sorry for all the pains and trauma you have to carry with you, but who is this shadow? You have never told me about him. Is he dangerous?"

She was so curious. It fascinated me and how she used her words. I can be truly lucky to have (Y/N) as my girlfriend.

I noticed my cigarette and dropped the ash on the ground accidantly.

Good that I didn't drop it on mine or (Y/N) clothe's.

"He is not only a shadow. He is part of me and he is visible. I am this shadow and I want to come out, but my old meds wouldn't have let me... Umm.."

Now I have betrayed myself and she would probably ask me about my condition. She was the only one who knew everything about me and I couldn't lie to her, because I love her so much.

"Your old meds? Do you want to say that you have changed your meds? Gosh, Arthur! Why didn't you tell me about it? I was so worried about you. This explains your strange behavior then."

I felt her arms around me and didn't say something. I just needed to feel her arms and hear her voice to know that she is real. And she is real. Dr Kane told me that I wasn't hallucinating, but she was worried about (Y/N) and this made me sad.

I would do anything for my sweetheart.

And those new meds helped me to feel better. The only problem were the bad side effects like thinking about what's real and what's not real.

It worried her, but she understood me and would help me to get through my mental illness. No matter what happen.

"My behavior. I only feel visible when you are here with me, (Y/N). And still I don't know if I'm real or not. But Joker.. He is real. He laughs when I'm crying."

I felt as if he came out. The mask wasn't there yet, but I could feel him begging for freedom.

"You are visible, darling. Your new meds are driving you insane. Didn't you read the information about the possible side effects?"

I shook my head, because I trusted my doctor.

"No, I didn't. Forgive me, (Y/N). I must be a terrible boyfriend for hiding my stuff from you and then my questions.."

Tears came out of my eyes and I felt terrible.

(Y/N) hugged me and kissed my hair. It always felt good to be kissed from her and my favourite kisses were on my cheeks and on my lips. I wished for more kisses, but she wanted to know more of myself.

She would have found it out sooner or later, because of my red suit in my wardrobe. And she knew that I don't wear a bright red suit when I go out.

"Shh.. You aren't terrible! Don't ever say that again Arthur. I love you for who you are and I would never be angry at you. I was extremely worried and afraid. You should talk with me next time if you change your meds again."

It was sweet to hear from her that she wasn't angry or mad with me. I could be truly lucky to have (Y/N) in my life.

I kissed her lips and pulled her into a gentle hug. I needed this moment to find comfort again, because I had already a hard night and then a bad experience with my new medication.

I thought that there were no more questions, but (Y/N) asked me another one.

"Who is Joker?"

Joker. My shadow.

Created by childhood trauma.

The clown inside of me who protected me from bullies and criminal attacks.

I wasn't ready to show her my dark side. And I wasn't ready to tell her that I am Joker.

But she knew it already. I mentioned it.

"(Y/N), I can't show you my other self. Not yet, because I need time to find my true self. Please forgive me."

I kissed her hands and closed my eyes for a while to think about Joker.

He couldn't live without being noticed, but I could decide if I bring him out. I wanted to show her my true self, but I feared that she might be afraid of him.

Joker was the opposite of me.

Arthur was gentle, broken and shy.

Joker was strong, fearless and protective.

Maybe it was better to show (Y/N) the clown in his bright red suit.

"That's okay darling. Take all time you need, but why didn't you mention that before with your meds? We could have find a way together." She cared so much about me and I was glad about that. It was a sign that I could trust her with my life.

I never trusted a woman before.

And I don't know how I could trust my own mother who lied to me my whole life.

"I am so sorry. I felt like it wasn't a good idea, but now I realize that I should have told you about my new receipt for new meds. Next time I take you with me and we buy the meds together. Does that sound good?"

I formed a smile on my face and could see her smile again. It made me happy to see her like this and felt her lips on mine again.

Those sweet lips. The first lips I tasted and hopefully the last.

"This sounds much better honey. And please tell me before you take your new meds again, okay? I need to know it."

I shook my head at her question and then hugged her. I needed this comforting hug and I needed (Y/N). She made me truly happy and this must have been a good reason to be real for her.

And she must be real.

Side effects can always happen, but it's important to know that you are real.

And once again I was lost in a kinda day dream.

(Y/N) stroked my cheeks and called me with my other name.

"Joker, would you like to cuddle up together or is it too early for that?"

I couldn't decline and say no, but I smirked. It was like my other smirk.

Joker's smirk, but without face paint.

The red smirk could wait.

Joker could wait.

All I wanted now was (Y/N) and we lost ourselves in a deep passionate kiss...

#ArthurFleck #Fanfiction #Joker2019 #DCUniverse #ShortStory #JokerFanfic

[i-growl-growl-growl]

i'm a sucker for angst, so lately i've been thinking about vampire AUs, so how about really sad reaction where EXO members (any you wish :) are humans and their s/o is a vampire, who refuses to turn them into vampires because s/he doesn't want them to suffer endless life? What do they do? (like, one accepts it, one breaks up because he doesn't want to get old alone while s/o will be forever young (and forced to watch him die), one will still stay, one will continue to insist s/o turns them)

Kris: (breaks up) 

The light outside that slipped through the small cracks at the bottom of the thick blinds that covered the large windows in the room alerted Kris to dawning morning. The silk sheets below him comforted his aching body but not his aching heart. Today was the day he’d do it, today is the day he’d leave you. He loved you with all of his heart but he could bare to face living a life where he’d continue to age and be closer to death with each breath he took while his lover stayed eternally young and beautiful. He just couldn’t face that reality, he didn’t want to.

As the light continued to seep into the room through the small cracks with an ever growing brightness the time for his departure came ever-nearer. He took his eyesight away from the light to turn and face your sleeping form. Vampires didn’t need to sleep during the daylight like most people believed but it did help store up more energy for hunts when they needed to feed and Kris knew you’d be hunting tonight when you woke up but not necessarily to feed- you’d be hunting for him- hunting for the lover that he knew you didn’t want to let go of but didn’t want to turn either. The beauty of your sleeping face enticed his desire to stay longer, to give up his decision to leave, to give up the decision to run and live a life with someone who’d age along with him rather than facing an eventual death alone while you’d stand and watch. Oh god, how seeing you swaddled up in the blankets, curled up towards him, made him want to wrap his arms around you and never let go! but he had to let go. He had to let go and leave before it was too late or his heart would only break more the longer he stayed.

“I love you” he’d say hoarsely as he slid his free hand towards you to unwrap your freezing fingers from his other hand. All the muscles in his body felt heavy, as if to give him another reason to stay but he couldn’t he knew he couldn’t even if it went against everything his body, and even parts of his mind, “I’ll always love you.”

Once his hand was free from your hold he’d force himself to get up from the bed, leaving the warmth of the sheets and your love to face his back. He’d trudge heavily yet quietly out of the room, careful to make sure that the heavy wooden doors closed silently behind him, stealing the chance to get one last glance at you as they did before he’d force himself to nearly drag his unwilling feet to move forward down the hall, down the winding grand staircase, through the grand entrance of your house, and once again through a pair of large doors before he’d be outside. The sun would be bright and birds would be singing but Kris would feel as if the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulders and the day couldn’t possibly be any more dreary, his chest would feel like a dead weight stone and his feet like logs. With a heavy heart he’d turn to take once last glance at your residence before turning back around to begrudgingly take his leave. 

“I love you but I can’t do this. You’ve shown me that a vampires love is the best love but what is that love truly worth if it can’t be eternal like you? I’ll take my leave now, I expect that you’ll come searching for me when you wake to find my side of the bed empty but I’ll make my tracks as invisible as possible. I hate to leave you but I can’t stand to stay. I hate to break your heart this way but mine breaks every day being with you like this. I love you y/n, I love you and your eternal beauty, but I cannot love our mortal relationship. Farewell!”

Suho: (accepts it/ stays)

“To be honest my darling, I don’t think that I’d actually enjoy being immortal. There’s only so many things you can say and do before you’ve reached the limits of freedom and desire before it all becomes stale and repetitive. Who would want to live a life like that? Truly, if there’s anyone to feel more sorry for than all the rest it’d be you because you have to face that reality due to your infinite lifespan.”

“And that’s precisely why I won’t change you and grant you the curse of an eternal life with me even if I love you and want to hug you and cherish you for the rest of my days.” you reply as you take a sip of the the wine that used to taste so sweet and delicate against your taste-buds but is now just another form of liquid for you to intake. “Surly even our love would become stale at some point if we were to face the rest of eternity together. I’d hate to see that love, passion, and desire for adventure and the will to live a good and fulfilled life to die within you as you’d continuously age without aging.” 

You’re glad that Suho understands what it’d really mean to become a vampire to live alongside you for all of eternity. It makes your denial to turn him less guilt-induced and you wouldn’t have to worry about him constantly trying to change your mind or worry about him wondering why you refuse. The both of you would be at ease and could enjoy each other’s company without fear or anguish, jealousy or bewilderment, guiding your conversations. However, although Suho seems to try and pull of complete acceptance over being your mortal lover your heightened senses would be able to tell you otherwise, there’s still a small form of reluctance to stay human and live a normal life within him, deep down within him there is still a small desire to be a vampire. 

Despite that small desire still wading within the depths of his deep soul, he’d still put on his biggest smile and stay by your side. He’d take a sip of the sweet wine that has been pouring into your glasses since early noon that day after he requested to be turned, it was now past 10 in the night, the sun having long gone down along with the majority of his bravery to ask to be turned and the desire to live eternally since your initial refusal. You’d both be drunk if not for the fact that you are a vampire which therefore eliminates the chances of getting that “high and mighty” feeling since alcohol doesn’t affect you but Suho still seemed to have a fit mind about him taking in the consideration that he had just imagined the true reality of what it’s like to lose the life of being human to become a vampire. 

“I will admit though, that I may be a bit disappointed in you y/n. Even if I were to face that with you at least I’d still be with you in the end. but all’s well-ends well I guess. Either way I’ll continue to love you to the end of my days, mortal or not.”

Kyungsoo: (accepts it/ stays)

There at the far end of the table sat the man whom you had just denied to turn immortal. His sight stared fixated on nothing in particular as his food continued to steam upon his plate but was cooling with each passing second. It was clear that he was unhappy about your refusal to turn him but he and you both knew that he does well with reacting to any situation accordingly therefore he would forgive and forget, never to ask again to become a vampire even if the desire to become one and the same as you still existed deep in his muddled mind. 

“Kyungsoo please eat before your food gets cold.”  He’d be taken out of his trance upon your almost emotionless beg, his large eyes aiming up toward you while his head still bent low, “so what if this food gets cold. It can be heated up again or saved for later. It’s not like it needs to be thrown out the moment it is no longer warm, it can last a while.” His statement is true about the food but there’s a hidden message behind it that you can clearly decipher without having to ask further, it’s about the love that he has for you and what would be missed once he is gone- dead from old age as a mortal being-. It meant that he still loved you even though it may be a bit sour at the moment due to the fact that you won’t turn him but it would turn back to normal after he simmered out his upset emotions over being denied of his wish hell, it may even come back stronger than before. It meant that just because his love wouldn’t be eternal that doesn’t mean that he’d have to quit loving you and move on to someone else. 

Moments later Kyungsoo came out of another short trance and began to dig into his food. He was still upset that you wouldn’t let him become a vampire but, as said before, he’d knows how to react accordingly so he won’t let it get too far into his head. “Will you want to feed after I’m finished?” he asks between chewing a bite of chicken. “Yes” you say dryly, feeling the itchiness of your throat at the thought of drinking his delectable blood.  “Fine then. I’ll finish as quickly as possible.”

Nothing else is said between you. Once Kyungsoo finishes he gets up from his seat and walks over to the other side of the table where you have been sitting patiently for him to finish. “Where would you like me to be?” he asks “just sit on the table, I’ll take my fill from there.” He sits down in front of you upon the tabletop, tilting his head to give you an easier time on feeding. You’ll sink your fangs into him and get an instant high from the taste of the metallic liquid that oozes into your mouth. It’s so good it that it drives you nearly insane enough to want to drain him dry each time you get a taste of him. “I’ll admit” you say as you pull away after licking the wounds closed “I will miss the taste of you once you’re gone- along with the pure love you give to me- I’ll miss it so much that it makes me debate retracting my refusal to urn you but we’ll have to wait and see if that happens as time passes on.” 

You send him a pleased smirk and he’ll once again look up at you with his head still bent low. “I look forward to the day when you officially decide whether to retract that statement or not.”

Tao: (continues to insist)

“I don’t see why you refuse to turn me. I don’t care about having to drink blood like you and I wouldn’t care about watching the people I know grow old and die…. well ok maybe I’d care about that but that’s no reason to not turn me, I’d get used to it eventually.” he’d whine in your ear as you refuse to turn him into a vampire yet again- for the 8th time this week. “Wouldn’t you like having me around for the rest of eternity? I mean c’mon who wouldn’t?” 

“Hmmmm” you hum as you pretend to debate your answer “actually I probably wouldn’t. You can be quite annoying at times” you say with a smirk, intending it to be a joke but also knowing full well that it’s also the truth “and as much as you say you wouldn’t mind drinking blood you and I both know that that is a full on lie, the moment you’d get a taste of a single drop you’d flip not to mention the whole process of getting you to drink it in the first place. It’d be like trying to feed a toddler pickles or sorbet rather than ice cream.” You’d end your reply with a shrug of your shoulders and a knowing look direct at his pouting figure that sits on the couch facing you. 

“Aish! you really are so insensitive. I’m beginning to think that vampires really don’t have a heart and you’re just pretending to love me.”

“Go head and believe that” you say, picking up a glass of blood that’s in a wine glass and sipping it delicately as you watch him as he stares at you with a blank expression, his mouth slightly agape at your response. You smile at him playfully, knowing damn well that you’ve won this fight- yet again-... or so you thought.... yet again. 

He’ll spring up from the couch with a stern look in your his eyes and determination written on his face. “I swear to it that I’ll make you see that I’d be a perfect vampire! tell me to do anything that vampires normally do, I’l do it to prove to you that I can! You already know I’m strong and know martial arts so that would aid my vampire-ic skills once I gained them and I’ll show you that I won’t be whiny like a little child like you say I would be! C’mon! tel me to do something that you normally do so that I can prove to you that I’m worthy of being turned by you!” 

~Savie

#exo reaction #exo reactions #exo vampire scenario #kpop vampire scenario #exo vampire imagine #kpop vampire imagine

[overdrivels]

could we get a continuation to "change of plans?" like genji's s/o eventually caves to his persistence and joins blackwatch. maybe explore what his s/o's time is like in the organization and how they get along with mccree? (i imagine genji was kinda snippy with him when they first met; i'm curious how their relationship developed over the years.)

A continuation to “Change of Plans”? I can’t say I’ve ever really thought of one, so this one took a little while. But I also very much like exploring character development, so I’mma play around with this a little. At this point, tensions between Blackwatch and Overwatch are starting to plateau. It turned into less of a Genji x Reader and more of a general story that went off on a weird tangent. 

The stress was mounting, and it was coming on fast.

The screens that surrounded you had different articles from varying news sources of the decay of Overwatch, and the dark underbelly known as Blackwatch. Topographical maps for the next mission are also up, enemy posts and potential points of interests such as chokepoints and strongholds are all highlighted by blips of red and green, connected by lines that illustrated theoretical attack and escape routes.

You work tirelessly into the night for your first mission plan in Blackwatch. It took Genji roughly four months, a mock proposal, several handwritten letters, several more stunts (some which may or may not have involved the usage of his shurikens), and long conversation after the failure of a Blackwatch mission to get you to join.

Even now, you don’t know if this is what you should be doing. More than once in the past, you found yourself glad to have been in Overwatch and Genji in Blackwatch. Your missions and his would never intersect, at least, not directly. And it was a boon you both, despite Genji’s insistence to the contrary.

Even now as you continue to study the map, bringing up holograms of buildings, you can’t be sure you belong here.

“Huh. So you’re the newbie.”

Genji steps in front of you defensively before you even have a chance to open your mouth. “What do you need, McCree.” It is much closer to a threat than an actual question, and the sudden change in demeanor makes your head spin just once around. You’re barely able to take a breath, the tension thick.

“Can’t a guy just introduce himself to a new member?” The man says all too casually.

You look at the man Genji calls ‘McCree’ carefully. If he finds him to be dubious, then there’s no reason on your end to doubt that. He meets your gaze and nods at you, then at Genji. “Awfully cute. I hope that’s not their only redeeming feature?”

“McCree!” Genji drops to his stance, and McCree’s hand swings down to his holster, a triumphant grin spreading on his face.

“Hey! Get out of here, you’re blocking up the halls.” Both Genji and McCree jump to attention at once. You yourself take a moment before you realize it’s Gabriel Reyes, your new commander. He stands there impatiently, waiting for all of you to disperse.

McCree takes off his hat for moment, and holds it to his chest. “‘scuse me, boss. Just practicin’ my manners.”

“I didn’t employ for your manners. Don’t you have a mission to prepare for?”

McCree’s eyes fall on you, and places his hat back, his drawl becoming languid but purposeful. “I’ll prepare once th’mission plan’s complete. Wouldn’t want to charge in without one now, would I?”

“What did you say?” There is no mistaking the sharp ‘kshink’ of shuriken slipping out from Genji’s mechanical arm.

“Genji.” Reyes’s voice is stern, and even Genji knows to step back. “Now quit standing here, you all have work to do.”

McCree tips his hat at the commander and gives you a wonk before departing whereas Genji takes you by the arm and hurries you both away. But before you can get completely out of earshot, Reyes says, “I expect results good things from you.”

That was about a week ago. Gabriel has since given you further details on the mission you were to conduct the research for. A factory building omnics needs to be shut down, but as the factory itself builds consumer robots as well, there is a strong opposition against Overwatch’s ‘help’. And so, this mission must be completed with the utmost secrecy and care as to not pin the blame on Overwatch or Blackwatch.

You don’t sleep even when Genji urges you to do so. He will be carrying this plan out along with a small team of two others. You have to get this right. The pages of your carefully crafted plans laid out on the screens before you, and tab after tab of contingencies wait quietly. Profiles of each agent is on a different screen, meticulously gathered statistics fill the space underneath their pictures. The office space (more of a control center) was still bustling with other agents who were trying to perfect the last of their operation plans.

The sun is already rising when you have your plan fully compiled and ready to be presented. When you arrive at your new boss’s door, your nerves rattle. Perhaps you should have asked Genji to accompany you, but quickly shake it from your mind. No, you need to be proud of your plan and sure of it. Some other members have already given it a once-over and approved of it, so there was only the final hurdle.

You won’t disappoint.

“Come in.”

“Good morning, Commander Reyes. I’m here to present my plans for Operation Garm.”

Gabriel looks through the file he’s been presented, mouth drawn in a hard line. It didn’t even take a minute for him to put it down, and tap a finger against it. You straighten your back in attention. You were going to get questioned. This is normal. You are ready. You believe in your plan.

“This,” he says slowly, “is built from your concern for their safety.”

You hold your head high. You can’t falter when it comes to presenting your ideas. “Yes.”

He laces his fingers together, regarding you with a casual expression, but his eyes are shrewd. “It’s good, but your plan is not suited for my men.”

Your brain sinks straight to the ground, and you utter a shaky, “…excuse me?”

“My men can take care of themselves; they don’t need a plan that gets them back safely. They need a plan that will complete the mission.”

You take a step forward, weariness stripping you of your filter. “But sir, with all due respect, if we don’t take the necessary precautions, our agents wi–”

“We need a plan that will stop the production of these omnics before someone uses them for something they’re not meant for, agent, not a plan that forces my men to drop out at the first sign of trouble.”

Your mind splutters for a moment. Didn’t he realize that this factory was also outfitted with state-of-the-art security bots? If the agents engaged them in a fire fight, they’d lose. Heck, if they engaged any of them in any sort of skirmish, they’d immediately alert everyone in the vicinity–the whole city will converge on them and trap them and then Blackwatch will be implicated. Among these agents were Genji, and if he suffered any more than he already has then…

“I can’t compromise the safety of our agents for any reason,” you say breathlessly.

“You are compromising the mission.”

His word ignites your anger. The mission? Did he care at all about how his men acted? About securing points for them to rest? Their equipment? Nothing? Just the mission itself? Frustration eats at you in relentless chucks, and you try to get the impassive man in front of your to understand.

“I know I’m out of line, but because of that sort of thinking, Blackwatch is getting into more and more trouble! Our plans need to have our agents carefully consider their actions and take them carefully.”

“Because of your thinking, we’re going to end up with more casualties. We don’t do things half-assed here.” The words ‘like Overwatch’ hung unspoken in the air.

Embers inside you become a flame. How dare he.

“I didn’t know you were this sort of man,” you hiss, patience long evaporated.

“And I didn’t know you had so little faith in our agents,” he responds coolly.  

“I have faith in them! That’s why–”

“–that’s why you created a plan that forsakes the mission. That is not faith.” He takes a dramatic pause to look you in the eye and whispers, “That’s fear.”

Perhaps it’s because he’s absolutely right and he dug straight to the core of it and yanked it out without regard, or perhaps it’s because he’s entirely wrong and there’s nothing cowardly about prioritizing the survival of your teammates, but you shout, “I CARE about our agents, I’m not going to send them off to die!”

“Cool your head,” Gabriel orders, unfazed by your outburst having dealt with much, much worse. “Come back to me with a new plan with the mission as priority. I want it on my desk by the end of day, tomorrow.”

You salute half-heartedly and turn your heel, instantly more angry as the door slides open instead of granting you the satisfaction of slamming it behind you. The silence you leave behind in Gabriel’s room is tense even without your presence, but from a blind spot in the room, hidden behind a cabinet and a wall, McCree emerges, a low whistle escaping his lips.

Gabriel remains motionless, face still hidden behind crossed fingers.

“Ain’t that a lil’ too harsh, boss? First plan ‘n all.” There is little sympathy in his voice however.

“I already said it: I have faith in my men.”

Jesse skims over the plans strewn over Gabriel’s desk with mild interest, and scoffs after the first few bullet points. “Genji’s nabbed a sweetie, but sweetness ain’t got anyone nowhere; Blackwatch ain’t for bleedin’ hearts.” Again, he looks over the papers. “Awfully nice of ‘em though,” he adds as an afterthought.

Gabriel does not agree, but he does not refute it either, getting up from his chair, your plans in hand.

Zenyatta catches you storming out of Gabriel’s office. It is strange to see the omnic walking around Blackwatch territory, but then again, it isn’t as though you knew exactly where he goes all the time.

The omnic waves at you. “Greetings.”

“Agent Zenyatta,” you politely nod in his direction which he returns in kind. You have worked with him before, arranging for reinforcements and protection whenever he goes on his trips to negotiate on behalf of Overwatch. However, with the recent troubles Overwatch seems to have gotten into, Zenyatta’s job was becoming more and more difficult to handle–no protection meant an easy target, but more protection meant bringing in hostilities to any diplomatic meetings. It was a horrid paradox.

“You seem distressed. Is something the matter?”

An immediate ‘no’ comes to your mouth on the account of your pride, but remains there. Of course something was the matter, but how could you even begin to tell someone unrelated to the situation that ‘oh, it’s no big deal, it’s just that one of my plans that I slaved many nights over just got rejected when I’ve been doing the same damn thing for YEARS and isn’t good enough because apparently I care too much’. The frustration that gnaws at you is beyond words.

Zenyatta, sensing your trepidation, says, “Perhaps elsewhere then.”

It doesn’t take long before you unleash your torrent of grievances and insecurities on Zenyatta, who pries them out of you with practiced ease. You both talk and talk–other rather, you talk and he listens, an occasional nod of his head or a helpful quip to show he is listening.

It’s late into the afternoon by the time you both part ways, your chest already lighter without the burden of your troubles.

“I heard about what happened with Reyes,” is the first thing Genji says when he sees you in the canteen. He doesn’t normally eat, at least not a lot, but he needs the structure of pretending by ordering it anyway.

“He went over it with us,” he continues as you shovel another forkful of food into your mouth. “I told him we should do it.”

You almost choke. “You wha–”

“I believe in your plans, that’s why I asked for you to transfer here. I believe in you.” His words are resolute, even more so than you are about your own ideas. There is a fire in his voice that transfers over, warming you.

“Genji…”

“I trust your plans. I made that clear to Reyes today.”

You immediately perk up. “Is he…”

“He says he will think on it more, but still wants another plan. He was just…hesitant because it is not Blackwatch’s way of doing things.” Genji says slowly, his human hand resting reassuringly on your thigh.

You grumble slightly. “Then what is Blackwatch’s way?”

The cybernetic robot does not answer for a long while, but when he does, you nearly drop your drink. “Perhaps not the right way.”

In the end, you go see Commander Reyes again, and with some slight modifications to the original one, he begrudgingly accepts it with a warning that follows you throughout the whole time you await the results of the mission. “Your intentions are good, but they’re going to come bite you.”

You tell him with unwavering confidence that they won’t. You’ve designed many plans and spearheaded several projects for Overwatch, and this should not be any different. The only difference is your faction and the fact you’re sending someone you’re intimately close to on a mission of your design.

“I trust you, so you better come back safely,” you say to Genji just before he leaves.

He gives your hand a squeeze, and you realize just how cold yours are in comparison to his. “And I trust your plans, so I will. Do not doubt that I won’t.”

You let him go reluctantly, and watch as he joins the other members of the team who then shortly disappear into the dead of the night. You can only hope it goes well.

But hope by itself does not manage to put a damper on Murphy’s Law. The mission goes terribly. The three-man team was forced to abort almost immediately upon reaching the target, unable to execute any contingencies while under siege by the city’s police force which you had not anticipated to be so deeply entangled in this mess.

The agents managed to have their lives spared, a bloodless escape that was long calculated into the plan coupled by Commander Reyes’s supervision, but the mission itself–

Plastered all over the news in another smear campaign against the tyranny of Overwatch and Blackwatch, who in their words, are attempting to make themselves relevant by now interfering with the daily lives of civilians. Some even suspect that Overwatch sends Blackwatch to create havoc so that Overwatch themselves may come in to ‘rescue’ everyone, securing their position in the world as peace-keepers while secretly doling out evil deeds.

The stories becomes unbearably ridiculous, and is reported suspiciously quick.

However, you were deaf to all of this, rushing desperately to the medical bay, Gabriel hot on your heels. Genji. He sits in one of the offices alongside the other two agents who accompanied him, clearly agitated but uninjured–just like your plan dictated. But when he catches sight of you, breathless and wide-eyed, he immediately gets up.

“I’m sorry. Your plan–”

You don’t bother letting him finish, flinging your arms around his shoulders, still mindful of the tubes and wires that protrude from his back. Relief and anguish tumble inside you, fighting their way out at once. “Thank god–thank god you’re okay, I’m just so glad you’re not hurt, I’m so sorry, Genji–”

You babble on and on, Genji’s touches and reassurances unable to soothe you. You fell into the exact trap that you yourself had spoken against prior to joining Blackwatch. How could it have gone so badly? It wasn’t supposed to be this way–it was supposed to be simple, an in-and-out mission with all factors accounted for.

“That’s enough, good to see you all still alive,” says Gabriel, stepping forward. Genji untangles himself from you, and joins the other two agents in rigid salute.

“Thank you. sir,” they all say in unison.

“Gabriel Reyes.” All of you jump, except the man in question, jumps at the irritable and booming voice.

“Jack.”

“The hell was that? Operation Garm. Not even Zenyatta is going to be able to put out this fire you’ve caused.” The blond commander was practically seething, angrier and more exhausted than you’ve ever seen him. You meekly step forward, a growing dread in your stomach.

“I’m sorry, sir, that–”

“Yeah, I sanctioned it. Got a problem with that?” Gabriel practically shields you with his body without actually seeming to do so. Sharp blue eyes turn toward your new commander.

“Let’s take in this my office.”

There is no room for argument in Commander Morrison’s order, and he turns tail, fully expecting Gabriel to follow. Gabriel gives you something of a sympathetic look, he pats your shoulder with a heavy hand and squeezes, a slight resemblance of comfort and reassurance, before he dismisses everyone with a nod of his chin and follows after Jack.

Genji and yourself stand there for several long moments, and you try to wrap your head around what’s just happened and what you have gotten yourself into.

#reader #genji shimada #ask #anon #zenyatta didn't know how to levitate until he reached enlightenment because it made him light enough to float #my writing

[getoffthesoapbox]

Hello dear I want to ask you something about Yuki. I think you do really great analysis! I read somewhere about Yuki and her guilt complex and I've always feel like she feels guilty over kaname and his shit, but not over Zero and her awful deeds she put him through. I never see how she found herself undeserving his love, it always was just like "oh Zero, I'm sorry but I can't so let's wait another decade"! It's disgusting. And Zero OK with it? It's too unrealistic for me

Hello right back at you, my friend! I’m so glad you’ve enjoyed my analyses! Thank you for reading them! 

I agree with you that as things currently stand right now (especially with the reader having been firmly shut out of Yuuki’s head since Night 88), it’s hard to understand Zero and Yuuki and whatever their “it’s complicated” relationship is right now.

Right now it’s clear Yuuki isn’t pulling her weight and Zero’s doing all the heavy lifting. However, Zero seems to be in no rush and at ease with the situation, which makes it difficult to determine what, exactly, is the hold up. Now, to be fair, Zero does seem to regress by the time we get through the 36 black box years between VKM 3 and VKM 1′s scene with Yori——he’s back to being bitter about Kaname. 

Unfortunately we’re suffering a bit from the fact that Hino didn’t know she’d have a full series to flesh out when she wrote the initial special chapters that make up the first volume of VKM. These chapters are predominantly pandering to please fans and aren’t necessarily good indicators of what’s really going on behind the scenes in Yuuki’s and Zero’s relationship.

That being said, I do think we’re starting to see subtle signs that Yuuki has a lot of guilt toward Zero. I like to call the focus on Kaname the “red herring” to the real problems that lay between Zeki. Kaname is the lowest hanging fruit of the many, many issues they have yet to work out. 

Zero’s also not helping the situation by enabling Yuuki. =P (We’ll just set him aside for now.)

Before I dig into VKM’s evidence that Yuuki feels a deeply entrenched guilt toward Zero about everything that happened in VK, I want to go back to VK itself and just highlight a couple scenes that get overlooked because Kaname’s a drama queen and steals the show in the latter half of volume 19. 

When Yuuki takes Zero’s memories, she apologizes and cries. After she confirms that Zero is stable in Night 89, she has an exchange with Kaito where he basically calls her the scum of the earth. She smiles, implying that she agrees with Kaito’s assessment. So we know for a fact that Yuuki post-Night 88 feels she is scum because of what she did to Zero. We also know from Nights 79 and 89 that Yuuki feels responsible for all of Kaname’s actions since the initial Rido incident, which means she feels personally responsible for Zero’s family’s murders and Zero’s pain. These things carry into all her actions for the rest of VK and into VKM. She reaffirms this later when she blasts Kaname when he confesses in Night 89 to regretting that he didn’t dump her onto Zero sooner (before she got to Zero’s memories) after he had Isaya turn her. Yuuki thinks both she and Kaname are scum for what they’ve both done to Zero.

You can see this further justified in Night 90. When Zero arrives, Yuuki huddles in her covers and doesn’t want to greet him, which is a classic sign of guilt. She reaffirms this after Kaname parades her in front of memoryless Zero, reminding Kaname that they have no right to even show their faces in front of him. This implies two things: 1.) she thinks both she and Kaname have messed with Zero’s life like the arrogant Purebloods they are and b.) that both of them have betrayed Zero so egregiously that they’re not even worthy of his presence. (This also implies Yuuki feels guilty for sleeping with Kaname, but that’s neither here nor there.)

After all this, Zero manages to get his memories back and then tries to save Kaname for Yuuki. If you think this girl didn’t feel she was unworthy before this, imagine how much worse she feels after this. After all she did for Zero, he still tried to save the man who ruined his life for her, even after all she herself put him through. Pretty huge stuff. Zero was already a saint in her eyes (see her response to Night 90), but his actions in Night 92-93 would basically paralyze her because she views herself as so far “beneath” him. 

That’s where we land at the end of the original series. VKM picks up where we left off, and so far here are the hints we’ve gotten that Yuuki’s actually not all that comfortable with Zero’s sudden full acceptance of everything awful she’s ever done:

She runs off on him immediately after he assures her that her having Kaname’s child doesn’t change his wish for them. Yori hints in VKM 1 that the reason Yuuki did this was because Zero’s kindness is difficult to understand (meaning Yuuki feels Zero should be angry at her/resent her, and the fact that he isn’t makes her feel even more guilty toward him).

Yuuki apologizes to him twice in VKM 3′s bench scene about not being able to have a child with him yet. She wouldn’t do this if she didn’t feel guilty toward him about it. 

Yuuki gets upset on his behalf in VKM 5 for being so loving and affectionate toward her when she isn’t ready to fully respond to him. She tries to let him know he’s free to leave her (which is a subtle implication that she may actually be afraid his feelings for her aren’t real——see Night 86 and Zero’s question about their feelings being manipulated; this may still be playing in to Yuuki’s fears about Zero eventually feeling “trapped” with her).

Also in VKM 5, Yuuki admits to peeking at the first pages of Zero and Ai’s exchange diary and being touched by Zero’s thoughts about Ai’s birth. This implies two things: 1.) that Yuuki and Zero have never actually discussed how Zero feels about Ai (this implies Yuuki is afraid of Zero’s true feelings about some of the not-so-pro-Zero things she’s done) and 2.) that Yuuki has been afraid that Zero all along resents Ai and is relieved to have found out he doesn’t. Both of these imply that, whatever her feelings for Ai and Kaname, she feels guilt toward Zero about Ai and Kaname.

Yuuki flips out at Ai when Ai merely offers an innocent question about whether Zero is staying away because he’s angry at Yuuki for still holding on to Kaname. This is not a natural response for a woman who’s just slowly moving on from a previous relationship, and it implies that Yuuki has a lot of emotions where Zero’s feelings about her feelings for Kaname are concerned. Obviously we’ll eventually find out more about this in future chapters.

Yuuki appears to deeply appreciate the role Zero played in “saving” her from the darkness Kaname’s semi-suicide put her in. She appreciates him standing by her side. She also seems disturbed in the flashback that Zero would consider making huge sacrifices that go against his own principles in order to bring Kaname back for her.

This is where we’ve sort of left off in VKM. As you can see, there’s a lot of subtle evidence that’s beginning to stack in favor of Yuuki having a deeply entrenched guilt complex toward Zero. She thought she treated him like scum, he’s never once reproached her for that, and he’s been nothing but an angel to her ever since. She likely feels completely unworthy of him. 

The reason Hino is focusing on Yuuki’s guilt toward Kaname right now is because Yuuki committed another deeply entrenched crime in Kaname’s case——she could never give him her heart. She drove Kaname to suicide because she couldn’t love him romantically the way he wanted. Yuuki’s got to deal with her Kaname issues first before she can then work with Zero to overcome the deep inferiority complex she now has toward the man who has literally saved her over and over again, and continues to wait patiently by her side. 

(Not only the above issues, but Yuuki also has several other issues that are potentially still active in her relationship with Zero. One is her fear that he really just loves the human Yuuki and that the vampire Yuuki has never been his preferred choice. The other is that his feelings may or may not be real, that they may be manipulated, and that perhaps one day she will drive him into a corner from which he cannot escape much like Kaname did to her. These are other factors that play into Yuuki keeping Zero at arms’ length that I believe will begin to surface once the Kaname tip of the iceberg has been dealt with.)

I went off on a bit of a ramble, but I hope this helps a bit. =) I do think Hino will address all of this by the time VKM is over, but for now we all have no choice but to hold our frustration at bay and bide our time. =)

#vampire knight #vampire knight memories #zeki #radiant zeki #vk #vkm