#idk how i feel about my vocabulary actually | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sehodreams · 4 months

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Have you seen the discussion around wonbin's short height? Can you think of a way to make his short height sexy and dark? Maybe his short stature gives the illusion that he's weak or a pushover but in fact his aura is huge and intimidating? idk i trust your ideas are better teehee

Summary: You wanted to try something new, and your sweet classmate was the perfect option, but what happens when the kind little boy feels insulted when you call him a virgin? Of course he makes you say you're sorry.

WC: 5.7K

TW and tags: nerd!dom!Wonbin x sub!plus size!reader (I feel she’s something more but I have no idea what to call her), hard dom!Wonbin, spitting, hair pulling, use of names (slut, whore), extreme dubcon, a part of noncon, teasing, mocking, overstimulation, use of sex toys, use of the term virgin as an insult, spanking, masturbation, lots of filthy stuff.

Comment: Sorry for taking so long, I can’t write short stuff, I’m trying, but I end up writing these long ass stories because even if my english vocabulary is lacking, the filthiness of my mind not lol. This is dark, if you don’t like this kind of content please just scroll. Also, the hair pulling scene was inspired from @///403tarot and his reading for Wonbin, i just can't stop thinking about it, thank you lord. (edit: I hope you like it anon, sorry if it's not what you expected)

You had a type, you weren't exactly sure if it was because you liked how they looked or how they made you feel, but all the boys you dated were almost identical, from the height to the roughness of their hands, the callouses they had from training were always on the same spots and they even acted the same way, because they always cheated on you.

You didn't know why, but those fit guys always looked your way, as if conquering you was the next step in their bulking plan, and you accepted because you loved to feel small by their side, it was pretty difficult to find boys that made you feel like that, protected and tender, because you were a big girl, and also you didn't have much option since most boys around preferred skinny girls, so you didn't have much experience meeting other kind of boys that caught your attention.

"Maybe you should try something different, you never know, it doesn't have to be a lanky guy, but maybe you could start with younger boys, I've heard they're fun too" your friend said, and you nodded, if you wanted something different you had to break the pattern, but with who?

You looked at your options around, there were a few cute guys in your classes, and even if you were big, you wouldn't accept just anyone, you had to like them, so maybe Anton from philosophy could be a good option, he was younger than you, or Eunseok from social studies, he was your age, but lanky as hell, Sungchan from history?, he was kind of a gym bro too, but not like your exes, and he was more sweet than normal, maybe that could work.

You were thinking about it when Wonbin sat next to you and pulled a folder out of his backpack "I know we had until the weekend to send the essay but I've been free these days and I already finished it, I did your part so you didn't have to, but I brought it in case you wanted to change something" he shyly moved the folder your way, giving you a soft smile.

Sweet Wonbin, with his squared glasses and his ugly ass flannels, he always knew what to do to make you happy, maybe he could be a good option, he was different from your usual type, short and skinnier than normal, and pretty instead of handsome, he'd have never caught your attention before, but he was nice, so you could at least do him a little favor and let him touch a real girl, because even if it sounded bad, you were sure he had never done it before, you just had to see the way his eyes avoided yours when you talked, or the anime girl he had on his phone background.

"Wonbin you're the best!" You said, making him smile more, "I was about to talk to you actually, my computer's been acting weird these days and I was wondering if you could come to my house and check it, I heard you fixed Shotaro's laptop not long ago" You asked, touching his arm and looking at him with your doe eyes. Your computer was fine, but you wanted to be alone with him, and you knew he'd do anything for you.

Just like you expected, he nodded eagerly, telling you he was free whenever you needed him.

And like that, the next day you had him in your room, both of you in front of your computer sitting shoulder to shoulder, he telling you something about you not needing to invest in some antivirus because he could install you one for free, and you nodding to everything he said, watching his slender fingers write stuff you didn't understand on the keyboard.

He had finished quick, not finding anything out of normal, telling you to call him in case your computer acted weird again, so he could immediately see what was wrong.

You thanked him and offered him a cup of tea before he left, sitting next to him on the little table on the floor next to your bed. You decided to make some conversation while he finished his tea, "thank you so much Wonbin, my boyfriend, well, ex-boyfriend, was the one who checked my computer, you have no idea how much I appreciate your help" you said.

He nodded, "it's nothing, don't worry" he murmured. You didn't know how to approach the idea of you two having a date, so you waited for him to talk, but he didn't.

You were like that for an uncomfortable minute, so you started to ramble about school stuff while he continued drinking his tea, at least he seemed more at ease after he laughed to something you said. You were about to show him some papers you had in one of your drawers, crawling to your desk since it was just next you, but when you went back to where you were sitting you saw him stiff, with his backpack covering his lap.

You didn't have to be a genius to know what he was hiding, you just didn't expect it to happen so fast, you had showed him a flash of the back of your thighs, and he was already like that, you expected him to be a virgin, but to that point? it was even kind of laughable.

He was looking down to his cup, fingers playing with the handle, not daring to directly look at you, a bit too shy for you, but you saw the opportunity and took it, "everything okay?" you asked him. You were on your knees, chest close to him, and your hand brushed his arm to make him look at your direction.

The air got hotter and you saw him gulp, this was new, kind of exciting, to see a boy be like that, you were too used to the brute kind of man that would have already pushed you to the floor to take you and seeing him so nervous was kind of fun too.

Your eyelids fluttered, almost closing, and your mouth approached him, he looked at you, waiting, and didn't move when you kissed him, it was more a fast peck on the lips, pulling away as fast as you gave it to him, just a little teasing for him to make the next move.

You held your breath, the tip of your nose touching his and expecting a kiss back, but he only talked, "I... I shouldn't, I have a partner".

"What?" You said shocked with his answer, immediately moving back and away from his face, you just couldn't believe it, you were there, offering yourself to that boy, and he already had a girlfriend? Since when? You had never seen him maintain a conversation with another girl who wasn't you, and if you were honest, luckily you had seen him with two or three friends. Still, you felt bad for talking with that tone to him, as if it was unbelievable that someone liked him, "No, I'm sorry, that sounded really bad, I didn't mean too, I just... I didn't expect you to have a girlfriend."

"Why would you say that?" He said, frowning his eyebrows to your shock.

"Oh, it's just... I don't know, I thought since you always go around alone and you're an..." You didn't finish your sentence, you just looked at him, not knowing how to fix your mistake.

"Wow, so you think no one could like me because of the things I like? You're fat and everyone thinks you're a slut, but I don't say those things to you" he spat back.

You stood up, he was in your house, insulting you, when you only wanted to get closer to him? "What the fuck? Wonbin, that's too much", he could reject you, but not like that. "Get the fuck out of my house" you told him, opening your door for him to leave your room. He stood up too, walking to you, and he was about to do it, to end that interaction and leave your house, until you talked again, "that's what I get for trying to help a fucking virgin."

The room got tense, you crossed your arms, waiting for him to leave, and he was glaring at you, still, as if he had any right to be mad with you.

His gaze made you uncomfortable after a long minute, he was watching you with a serious face you had never seen before, and the air was heavy, like taunting you, but you maintained the eye contact, not letting win.

"Apologize" he demanded, making you snicker, who the hell he thought he was?

"Or what? Virgin" you answered, tired of his little mind game.

His eyes didn't flicker, unmoved with your behavior, tired of your bullshit, he talked again. "Sit" he said, looking extremely pissed off, and you don't know why, but when you saw how his eyes got darker and his whole demeanor changed, you felt he was going to do something, and it kind of intimidated you, but it also made you curious, so you took your old spot without question.

He was coldly staring at you from where he was, then, he walked in front of you, standing while you sat there on your knees and looked up to him, not knowing why, but expecting him to talk or do something. "Do you think everyone is as easy as you? You should respect you and others more, no one likes a dumb slut."

You scoffed, not believing his words. "At least I get laid" you talked back with a grin on your face.

He showed you the same grin and grabbed your chin, making you look at him in the eyes, "do you really not know what they say about you? Everyone knows you're just a hole waiting for some dick to fill her, they all talk about it, how you're fucking disgusting, a fat bitch waiting for someone to look her way so she can get fucked, they say your pussy is so used you're not even fun to fuck anymore."

The way he said that sent a shiver through your back, hurting you and the little dignity you had, making your eyes get slightly wet, but you blinked and made those tears go back.

"Then why are you still here?" You spat, resentful with him, he wasn't the sweet boy you thought he was, and he was starting to agitate you.

"You need to see that not everything goes your way, and that you can't go around behaving like a dumb whore, it's not cute at all, but don't worry, after I finish with you, you'll be a good girl again, like when we met, before those jerks filled your brain with their stupidity" he said that so sure of himself, full of disdain, his shoulders suddenly appeared bigger and you felt small down there.

"What are you going to do, fuck me? Don't you think that's silly considering I brought you here for that?" He shook his head to your question.

"Believe me, what I'm going to do to you will make you wish you hadn't brought me here" You wanted to ask what he meant with that, but he had started to unfasten his belt, being clear on what he was about to do. "From now on, you can only talk if I ask you something, apart from that I want you to do what I tell you and shut up."

"What the-" you couldn't finish your sentence, his hand had been too fast for you to pay attention to it, and had slapped your face so loud the sound of it echoed in the room, leaving you shaken on your knees, and just how he wanted, silent.

"I've been clear, I hate stupid questions, you're a big girl and you should understand what I say when I say it" you hated him, you hated how he was treating you, you hated the tone of his voice, as if he had any authority over you, you hated him so much, or at least that's what you thought, you couldn't understand why suddenly there was a fire starting on your lower abdomen, and why your pussy was hurting so much you had to clench your thighs right there in front of him, "never forget it, I don't like to repeat myself"

You didn't move, not even a nod, he didn't ask you anything, so you stayed there in silence, on your place, making him smile in result, pleased with you.

"Now be good and come here", he had sat on the border of your bed and patted his lap, you saw the belt on his hand and your eyes got wet again, afraid of what he was about to do to you. Seconds went by and you didn't move, which made his face get a little red. He closed his eyes and sighed, annoyed with you, "you want me to get angry?"

You denied with your head, eyes big and frightened. You stood up immediately, in front of him, you were about to sit on his lap when he stopped you.

"Face down, ass up"

It couldn't be possible, was he about to spank you? What were you, a fucking kid?

You wanted to protest, feeling incredibly insulted, but with just a glance from him he made you do it, you lied over him, feet dangling in the air, ass in front of him over the expansion of his thighs, and your face down, hiding from him. Ashamed, you couldn't stop the little tears from falling down your cheeks.

His hand lifted the little fabric of your skirt and showed most of your skin, little of it covered only by the thin panties you were wearing, "What do you say, should we start with five? And I want you to count them out loud" you gulped, you had never been spanked before, even less with a belt, you had no idea how painful it would be and that made you feel anxious, your ass hadn't even been touched and you already felt your skin tingling and your pussy leak.

His hand grabbed your hair and he made you lift your face. Your cheeks were damp from your tears and your eyes found his, an exasperated look all over his face, glasses falling down his nose and tongue pushing the inside of his cheek, "do you want me to hurt you? Why aren't you answering?"

"No, I'm sorry" you answered, eyes shaking from his tone.

"Then talk, use your words, I told you to start with five, but now they'll be ten" his grip was hurting your scalp, and you wanted to cry because of how unfair he was being, but you didn't want to make him even more angry, so you accepted it.

"Yes, I'll count, I promise" you said how you could, your voice breaking in your throat.

He let your hair go and you sighed, relieved, but that didn't last long, his hand pried inside your panties, molding your ass with his hand, and then he cupped your pussy, so wet you could feel little drops falling out of you, "fuck, look at this slut, already dripping when I haven't even touched you", he pulled your panties down your thighs and you felt the air touch your naked cunt.

He caressed your skin, appreciating the size of your ass and its form, so round it invited his hand to grope it. He liked it, he always thought about doing it when you were in class, when you walked to the front to talk to the professor or to some of your friends, he stayed on his seat, watching it move from side to side with every step, teasing a place inside his mind he had never paid attention to, because he didn't know how much he could like a curvy girl until he met you, with your tight blouses showing the size of your chest, or your skirts that sometimes showed more than what was considered appropriate, but he always admired you from afar, everyone knew you had a type, those assholes addicted to the gym, and they always flew around you, not leaving anyone else an opportunity to approach you.

He actually liked that you invited him, but he knew you didn't like him, he saw it in your eyes, for you he was just something new and funny to play once, and he didn't want to be just a fuck, he wanted to be something else, when you met you were the sweetest girl he ever saw, sharing your notes with him and including him in work groups, but you changed, and you started to look at him the same way the others did, so you judging him was enough to push the little restraint he had, because no one, especially you, the campus whore, was going to insult him like that.

You were getting used to the felling of his hand touching your skin, even enjoying it, when you felt the first whip, "One!" You screamed almost like a reflex. You hadn't noticed when he grabbed his belt, but the sting of it over your bottom made you dizzy and your lungs couldn't accept the air you tried to breath for a long second, feeling a burning pain.

"Good, continue like that, don't get distracted" he adverted. You nodded how you could, arms and legs shaking from the impact.

"Two!" If you thought the first hurt, the second was even worse, the hot sensation had moved through your skin, burning more of it, almost until your thighs, nerves sending little shocks all around.

You felt the leather accessory brush your back and slowly go down to your ass, finding at some point your pussy lips, he didn't put any pressure over it, but your body moved on its own and lifted your hips, trying to make more contact against the belt.

"Needy whore" he called you, making your pussy throb and you whine.

He continued like that, spanking, teasing, and caressing. You felt your skin irritated, almost brazing, as if your live flesh was already there after all the hits, you were just in the seventh spank when you had cried loud enough for your voice to echo through the whole house, but no one was there, and even if you prayed, no one would be able to help you.

"Eight!" Your voice was loud and clear, tears uncontrollably falling down your cheeks and pussy clenching around nothing, his pants surely had a big wet spot after your pussy dripped all over them and you tried to find any way of pain appeasement rutting to his thigh.

You could feel his boner touch the side of your hip and you didn't need to see it to know it was big, and that, if he didn't fuck you after all those punches, you would suffer even more than with his spanks, because your pussy was so painfully untouched you would go crazy in any second.

Without noticing, you were already in the tenth hit, but before he did it, he opened your folds with his fingers, to see your poor cunt, it was so wet it was shining down then lights of your room, and the second he opened them a line of your wetness started to visibly drop down his thigh.

"Another rule, you can't cum if I don't give you permission" he said, middle finger tracing up and down your slit, poking your hole and then ignoring it to go to your clit and press it.

Your thighs were shaking, you wanted his finger to enter your cunt, you needed it, you wanted to beg but you were afraid of how he'd react, so you didn't, only nodding to him and his order.

The last spank arrived and you screamed the number full of pain, exhausted and somehow elated at the same time, it's over, you thought gladly.

But your body didn't think the same, with that last stroke your pussy had leaked and made a mess over his pants, and he angrily grabbed you by the hair to look at him in the eyes "I told you that you couldn't cum, stupid bitch" he spat, lips moving with fury.

"I didn't-I didn't, I swear" you cried, your hands were over your bed, trying to maintain you in the position he had pulled you to not be as painful as the first time.

"Shut up, now you're talking back? On all your fours" you crawled out of his lap, still wearing your stretched out panties mid thighs and heavily breathing.

You didn't dare to look at him, only hearing him move behind you, situating behind you and opening your ass cheeks with both palms, spitting over your little hole and making you jolt.

You trembled, what if he wanted to fuck your ass? You had never been fucked there, and just the thought made you gulp the saliva accumulating inside your mouth.

Did you want it or not? You didn't know.

"If you weren't such a slut I would've fuck you good long ago, but I thought you only liked steroid dicks, what made you change your mind?" He asked, thumb incredibly close to your little unused hole "have you ever been fucked in the ass?"

"I don't like them, they like me" you said, sound muffled by your pillow "and no, never."

He pressed his thumb, satisfied with your answer, pushing it inside your ass, making your pussy clench of need.

You moaned, no one had played with that place before, and your slick had lubricated you enough, making his touch feel even better, a weird but good sensation.

"Such a pretty hole, sadly you won't get fucked today" he slapped his length against your ass cheek, and you moaned again, you didn't know when he had taken out his dick, but it had you squirming, it felt big, and you were sure it'd hurt if he fucked you.

Your toes curled, it was so wrong, you shouldn't want him, you thought about asking him to stop, you couldn't let him use you, he was unpredictable, you would've never imagined the strength and authority he had, it was so different from his usual self, the Wonbin he had shown to the world wasn't this one at all, where was the lame otaku you shared classes with? You approached him because you thought he'd be soft and even weak, listening to anything you wanted, you just wanted some fun and to try something different, and this was different, but not the way you expected.

"What are you thinking about? I told you to not get distracted" he asked after some time, his hands kept moving around your curves, but when you stopped whining, he knew something else was in your head.

"Can-Can we stop? I'm sorry for what I said, happy?" you spoke, wanting to stop and rest, your ass cheeks were stinging, and you had no idea what was going through his head, which honestly made you fear of his next action, because if he wasn't going to fuck you, what was he going to do?

His hands stopped and you felt his weight fall behind you, eyes all over you, but you continued there, ass up, thighs closed and face against your pillow, waiting for him to talk.

"Okay" you couldn't believe it, you were free, you sighed, relieved for it to end. You stood up, arms and legs shaking, your underwear that was mid thighs fell down and you didn't care, you kick it out of your feet and pulled down your skirt, you were still dressed, so that was good enough for you, you didn't have time to pay attention to how dirty you were, slick dripping out of you with every movement, you just wanted to get out of your room as soon as possible, to hide in your bathroom and wait for him to leave with the protection of being alone in a secluded room, away from him.

You were about to give your first step when you felt a grip on your hair pulling you back with force to the bed, making your body fall on your back and yelp of surprise.

Your body bounced over the mattress, and you saw him laugh loudly, that same laugh you had seen many times before when you joked around him, but this time directed to you, "did you really believe me? You can fuck yourself with your fake ass apology, it only makes me think that I should really fuck the stupidity out of your head before you get worse".

You gasped for air, your chest was heavily trying to breathe again, and your heart was beating fast, full of fear.

"Now, be good and tell me where you have your vibrator, and don't you dare lie to me, dating all those one pump chump, I'm sure you haven't had a proper orgasm unless you played with yourself" even without his warning you wouldn't have lied to him, you knew better than that. You pointed the second drawer on your bedstand, making him grin.

It was magic wand, a powerful vibrator that you received as a gift from your friends, a friendly joke within the group, but you hadn't used it that much, too afraid of its intensity.

He didn't waste any time, he turned it on and the buzzing sound made you close your eyes, turning the front of your body down and grabbing your pillow for comfort, you knew he was a about to ruin you, and that there was no way of scaping him.

He came back to you and smacked your ass, your ass was red and irritated from his first punishment, and it hurt you like hell, making you scream loudly over your pillow, which muffled it as much as it could.

Still, he laughed again, and grabbing your hips he made you go back to your past position, on all fours with your face down, embarrassed from being like that in front of him.

You heard the buzz get closer to you and when it finally touched your clit you cried, you were sensitive after all the teasing and just a brush of it was enough to make your whole body jolt.

He was mocking you at first, pressing and pulling away in seconds, again and again, making you whimper from desperation.

"Don't forget, you can't cum until I allow you" his hand hit you again and you sobbed.

"Yes" you answered loud.

His hand touched your spine, making your back arch even more, pussy trying to find your touch.

He didn't wait anymore, he pressed the head of the toy against your whole cunt, making you moan loudly and hug tighter your pillow, your hips moving back and forth.

"Fuck that feels good" his dick was also against the vibrator, pushing the toy even more to you with his hips bucking, as if he was fucking you when he was feeling the same vibrations as you, a bit less intense, but still good against him.

It drove you crazy, it was insane how good you were feeling, and he wasn't even fucking your insides, you had no idea masturbation could be that intense, and with him, your face was flushed, your forehead sweaty, your hair was a mess, and you were leaking so much of your juices it was almost like you were cumming.

"Shit" your hips were frantically moving against him, ass jiggling and the perfect image of you fucking yourself, you crying of pleasure without stop, making his hand tighten his grasp on your waist, feeling the extra skin of your tummy with his fingers.

"Are you about to cum?" He asked, you were buckling your hips too much against him, which was a sign of it.

"Yes! Yes!" You said, the orgasm was so close you saw little spots when you closed your eyes and you wanted him to let you cum, you needed to cum.

He had other plans for you, so he pulled away, not letting the toy touch you anymore.

"Why?" You howled, shamelessly shaking your ass for him to press it again, receiving another spank as a result.

"You don't ask, you obey, so shut up" he stated. You bite your lip, tears falling and clit throbbing, it was so close, so close and so unobtainable at the same time, it made you feel hopeless.

"Take your top off and look at me" you obeyed him without doubt, you took your top and your bra off and sat on your knees, looking at him and still biting your lip to not talk when you shouldn't.

You were both sitting in front of each other, but he was completely dressed, just his dick out of his pants and his belt thrown away in some place in your room, while you, on the other hand, only wore your skirt, which had the front and back of it drenched from all your juices.

You showed him your tits, waiting for him to touch you and make you cum, it was sick, it revolved your stomach, but you needed that orgasm like you had no idea, now having tasted it so close, how could you let it slip away?

"Pretty slut" he said, both hands going to each tit and playing with them, fingers pinching your nipples to then grope them, making little tears fall your eyes, and when he slapped one of them, you felt even a worst sting on your breast than on your ass, making a heartbroken cry scape your mouth.

He loved that sound so much he wanted to hear it again, you breaking down it would be impossible for you to ever forget who was the cause of all those sounds.

He moved closer, now up on his knees and looking down at you. He was short, but in that moment, you saw him fucking immense, making you feel insignificant compared to him.

His hand went to your hair, you expected him to hurt you, flinching, but he pet you instead, ruffling your hair and nodding to you, "cum", he said.

You didn't understand why he said that, but then you heard the buzz of the toy again, getting close to your clit, making you smile and open your legs as much as you could to receive it.

It felt so fucking good, his hand on your hair was now a grip but you didn't care, you couldn't feel anything else that wasn't the toy against you.

However, it was weird, a pain was growing inside you, making you try to squirm away after some time, "No-", you tried to stop him, that weird sensation was still in your abdomen, increasing with each second, a hot pressure that made your pussy clench and throb strongly.

"I didn't ask you, I want you to cum, so you'll cum" he said, pushing the little button to the maximum, the power was so strong you chocked with your own saliva and you coughed before you could talk again.

"Wait! Wait!" You repeated, his grip on your hair was still there, strong, and your face was red of tears falling down your cheeks. Your pussy was being so abused your body had started to convulse and your hips jolted with every vibration of the toy.

Was that a real orgasm? You didn't know it would be so aggressive, you didn't know how it would feel, but it was almost like dying, a sensation that completely terrified you.

He didn't move a single inch away, he was biting his lip and his face showed a grin from ear to ear.

A pitched sound came out of your throat, you were cumming so hard streams of your orgasm were dripping down his hand and onto the bedsheets, but he didn't stop, and the overstimulation was starting to be more and more painful. You tried to move your hips away, but he didn't let you, his hand with the toy would follow your body, not letting you scape at all.

"Are you sorry now?" He asked after he finally pulled away the toy from you, letting you breathe and regain some of your consciousness.

You nodded to his question, you were sorry, you didn't mean to bother him so much, you should've thought twice before talking, you really didn't know your punishment would be like that.

His hand impacted on your cheek again, you couldn't move your head and he took advantage of that to give you a strong slap, shaking your mind and making your eyes blurry, and then, when you cried and loudly said you were sorry, he tapped softly the same cheek he had slapped seconds ago, "I told you, you're a big girl and you should use your words if you didn't want to make me mad"

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I was bad, forgive me, please" you begged, sobbing and deeply regretting having teased him.

"That's the apology I was waiting from you, well done" he let your hair finally free, sitting next to you and jerking his cock with your orgasm on his hand. You, about to crumble over the bed, legs hurting and mind too hazy to think properly, only watched him moving his hand over his length. "I think you learned your lesson today, but you need more training, don't you think so?"

You should be disgusted with him and how he acted, your whole body was in pain, and you saw dark dots all around you, your eyesight full of them and at the same time focused on his hand and what he was doing, and you were sure your pussy and your ass cheeks would be in pain for many days later because of how much he abused you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to reproach him.

You had learned may things that day, and you should appreciate that, how you shouldn't judge a book for its cover, how you shouldn't misbehave and talk back, and that you didn't like big guys because they made you feel small, you just liked to feel small.

He had done a question, so you, just like he taught you, answered it, "Yes, I still have much to learn".

#riize x plus size reader #riize x reader #riize smut #dark!riize #wonbin x reader #plus size reader #chubby reader #wonbin smut

182 notes · View notes

luveline · 1 year

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if you’re up to it!! maybe a single dad!steve w twins? i cant stop thinkin about one of your posts saying he’d have a really rambunctious lil girl and a sweet shy lil boy 🥺 maybe a meet cute with r? or the lil boy warming up to r and letting her hold him for the first time? idk!! also no worries at all if you’re not feeling this! just thought i’d throw it out there okay ilysm mwah

thank you for your request, this was so fun, and I'd been thinking about the twins for a little while now so it was fun to actually write them!! ♥︎ single dad!steve x fem!reader 2.2k

"Sarah," Steve says loudly, "you gotta hold my hand, or we'll have to go home."

Sarah's eyes widen and she grabs for Steve's bigger fingers. Her palm is sticky with ice cream. No part of her remains unscathed from the disastrous dairy — her blue dress is now purple in splotches, bubblegum ice cream stains like fingerprints, and her blonde hair is darker towards the tips where she'd accidentally leaned into her sundae. Steve doesn't mind, she looks like she enjoyed herself, and her little sighs of joy had proven it, but he worries other people will look at her and think he isn't looking after her properly.

He's lucky in some ways to be a single dad instead of a single mom. Most people commend him for doing the bare minimum. He's a saint for 'giving mommy a break'. Oh, please, he thinks, rolling his eyes internally each time.

"But, how come Charlie doesn't have to hold your hand?" she asks, pouting at the injustice of it all.

"Your brother does need to hold my hand," Steve says.

"He's holding onto your pants, dad," she grumbles.

It would be more accurate to say Charlie is hiding behind Steve's pants, rather than holding them.

He frowns. "Come on, buddy," he says softly, stroking the downy hair from Charlie's face. "It's alright. We're gonna go on the swings."

His mentioning of the playground has Sarah's hand straining in his. She tugs her small family with huge willpower down the path until the top of the swingset and jungle gym are in sight, and she lets go of Steve's hand. Steve grabs her as kindly as he can.

"Hey," he says, leaning down. His backpack shifts against his back, their water bottles no doubt crushed under the weight of their coats and lunchboxes. "What's the rules, Sar-bear?"

She fizzes up like a can of soda as he brushes sticky strands of hair behind her ears. "Um, to be nice. And to not go where you can't see us, and," —she pauses as Steve wipes her mouth, the old spirit and polish marring his shirt sleeve— "to, uh…"

"To be careful," he finishes for her pointedly.

"Yes!" she agrees.

Steve would ask for a kiss here but Sarah's already jumping on tip toes to give him one, her little kiss print more spit than anything else against his bottom lip. He snorts.

Sarah rushes through the gates and Steve and Charlie follow. There's only one other parent at the playground, a mom with a book in her hands and a stroller by her knees, a child Steve assumes to be hers swinging on the swingset. It's too many people for Charlie regardless, not half as eager as his sister.

Steve sits on the bench opposite the jungle gym where Sarah's already climbing, and Charlie holds his arms up to be lifted into his lap. He does so obligingly.

"You don't wanna play?" Steve murmurs warmly in his ear.

"No," Charlie says succinctly. He's adorable.

"I can push you on the swings?"

"Not for now," he says.

The twins are at mostly all the same developmental milestones. They sound clumsy when they talk, but they talk, big vocabularies and sentences that make Steve well up because they're getting older so quickly. Sarah tells stories like nobody's business. They're good enough to capture even her brother's attention, full of animals and magic and people. Charlie likes listening, will sit enthralled at her feet, and most people who meet him think he's quiet because his sister is so loud, but it's not true. Charlie likes to talk too, he's just timid. Only at home does he come out of his shell, playing out scenes with imaginary characters, singing gibberish karaoke at the top of his little lungs.

Steve doesn't mind that Charlie's shy around others. He's grateful to see his baby boy's loud side at home. He wishes Charlie would put himself out there, though, for his own sake.

"The little boy won't mind," Steve insists. "Come on, baby, it'll be fun. We don't wanna sit here watching Sarah all day, do we?"

Charlie tips his head back against Steve's chest. "I like Sarah."

Steve laughs, an extreme affection warming his heart. He wraps his arms around Charlie's front and rubs his baby's head with the tip of his nose.

"I like Sarah, too," he says. His smile is audible and catching.

They sit there for a while. The sun shines down, the sky a bright blue and dotted with eggshell clouds. Sarah races over rope fixtures and spring boards until she finally reaches the monkey bars. Steve regrets letting her up there when he realises how tall it is and how small she is, shepherding Charlie with him to stand at the side.

"Daddy," she says, clearly pleased at his arrival and talking with near factual efficiency, "I need your help."

"Yes you do, honey."

He puts his arms out. She grabs one bar and tests it to see how her weight will feel, her bottom lip disappearing between white shiny baby teeth.

"You want me to hold your waist?" he asks knowingly.

"I think so."

"I think so too." He holds her waist, her legs against his chest, and tries not to make it too obvious that he's holding the majority of her weight. "Have a go, honey. One hand at a time."

Sarah 'swings' from handhold to handhold until she gets to the other end of the bars, where she uses his chest to push herself up onto the metal floor. She cheers and rushes to sit down at the top of the slide.

Charlie stands at the bottom. Steve has to pluck him from in front of it before Sarah rockets her Mary Jane's into his chest, which makes Sarah laugh and cheer even more.

"Woah, Charlie! I almos'd kicked your face!"

"You want a turn?" Steve asks him. "We'll use the other side to go on the slide, should we?"

Sarah had chosen the hard way up to the slide via monkey bars. Charlie takes the easier side, a gentle wooden ramp with a rope for him to hold onto. He climbs to the top of the slide, sits happily at the precipice, wind ruffling the hair out of his bright eyes, and Steve thinks he's going to be brave for a moment.

Charlie looks at Steve worriedly. "You'll catch me at the end?"

"Yeah, I'll catch you."

Charlie slides down to the end, the metal squeaking under his pants, and Steve catches him before his feet can hit the floor as promised.

Sarah is ecstatic, already at the top waiting for another turn. "Go Charlie!" she shouts, pushing down and slamming into Steve's knees at the end.

"Excuse me?"

Steve turns, one kid clinging to his chest, the other his legs.

You're standing at the gate with a stack of fliers in your arms. Steve's worried he's about to get cold called, thinks, wow, she's a little too pretty to be selling vacuum cleaners curbside, as you hold out a flyer.

"I'm looking for my friend's cat," you say. "I'm really sorry to interrupt you. Her name's Evangeline and she's orange. She's kinda chubby. Have you seen her?"

Charlie's pressing his face as far into Steve's neck as physics will allow him to while Steve draws closer to you. His breath warms Steve's skin in hot puffs.

"I don't think we have. Did you see a cat today, Sar-bear?"

Sarah holds her arms up for a flyer. A smile flickers across your face, and Steve can tell you're immediately indoctrinated into the Sarah fan club. She has this charm about her that can get just about anyone on her side, even Hopper.

It helps that she's beautiful. Steve will admit to parental bias, sure, but Sarah is gorgeous.

"Thank you," she says, mumbling but not shy as you give her a flyer of her own.

LOST CAT, the poster says. PLEASE CALL THIS NUMBER IF YOU SEE ME. I AM VERY FRIENDLY. EVANGELINE, SEVEN YEARS OLD, GINGER. I DONT BITE BUT PLEASE DONT PET MY TUMMY, IM PREGNANT.

"Oh no," Steve says.

"Daddy, what does it say?" Sarah asks, pert nose wrinkling in confusion.

"It says," he begins, "that she's a really nice cat, and she's about to be a mommy."

"Ohh… I didn't see'd her today."

"No, I didn't think so." Steve's arms are aching from holding Charlie for so long, but knows from experience he won't be put down. Steve doesn't bother trying it, just shifts Charlie on his hip to encourage his gaze to you where you're standing, patient and a smidge awkward.

"How about you? Have you seen any cats today?" he asks Charlie.

Charlie peeks up from Steve to assess you. You're wearing jeans and a dark green jacket, unzipped. There's a smiley face on your t-shirt, black against grey-white. Charlie sees this, sees the very real, very gentle smile you wear on your lips, and relaxes just a touch.

"I don't remember, sorry," he says quietly.

You visibly weaken. Steve gets it. His kids are ridiculously lovely.

"Don't be sorry, babe," you say sweetly, leaning down to meet his eyes. "Can I ask you for a favour?"

Steve rubs his back. Charlie nods.

"Could you keep an eye out for me, would that be okay? We don't want Eva to have her kittens by herself. Maybe if you see her daddy can call the number on the poster?"

You look to him with a different kind of smile.

"Sure we will!" Sarah says, eyes fixed on the black and white photo of Evangeline.

You fish a pen out of your pocket. "Maybe you could call me." You smile. "You know, if you find her."

Steve blinks. It takes a second for his body to remember how to talk to girls, pretty girls who want to talk to him. It's been a while.

"Uh, sure." He hates himself. He can still save it. "What's the reward?"

He can't save it.

"If you find Evangeline? We were hoping whoever helped get her home would do it from the goodness of their heart, but I think I could make an exception." Your eyes flit between the twins. You scribble down something Steve can't see on a new poster and offer it to Charlie with an encouraging nod. "Hey, thank you. Any help at all means the world. You guys go on and have a good day, alright? Thanks, handsome."

"You're welcome," Steve says, a millisecond after he realises you'd been talking to Charlie.

You laugh and wiggle your fingers at his kids. You're gone as quick as you came down the stone path to the ice cream parlour.

Steve's boiling. It isn't from the sun.

"What'd she write, daddy?" Sarah asks.

He tears his eyes from your retreating figure and lowers Charlie to the ground with a tired groan. He sits on the end of the slide and the twins follow him as they always do, like magnets since the days they learned to crawl. They all squeeze on the end of the slide together.

"Can I see yours, bud?" he asks.

Steve puts Charlie's flyer on top of his own. Next to Evangeline's chunky body, you've written a tightly packed message. Your handwriting looks like your voice sounds. Steve doesn't know how to explain it.

You've put down your phone number. Under it, you've written a sloping message:

find her and maybe we can celebrate! ♥︎

"Dad?" Sarah prompts.

"Oh, right. It says if we find the cat we can celebrate."

"What's 'celebrate'?"

"Uh, we can celebrate, we can have a reward and a little party."

"A party?" Sarah asks with a gasp.

"Well, not always?" he says, his heart still pattering from the sight of your number.

It's too late to amend what he's said. Sarah's heard party, and she wants a party, though her definition of what a party is inaccurate. She thinks parties with Aunt Robin are better than Christmas, movies and popcorn and jiffy pop and Depeche Mode singalong.

"Dad, we have to find that cat!"

Steve's thinking the same thing. Any excuse to call you is one he wants to take, not just because you'd been pretty, but because you'd seen him and the kids at the same time. He doesn't wanna be presumptuous, maybe you write your number on all the posters, but even as he thinks it he doubts it.

Your biro heart feels like a beckoning.

Or Steve's an idiot. It wouldn't be the first time he was.

"Can we go look, dad?" Charlie asks.

Steve has a lot of chores waiting for him at home, laundry and dishes and bills he has to do over the phone. He doesn't have time to look for a wandering cat, even if you were super pretty, and you'd talked to the kids like they were golden, and the smile you'd given him at one point felt heavy with something unspoken…

"Let me get my bag," he says, standing up. "You guys are gonna need your jackets if we're staying out. It's getting cold."

The twins rush to join him.

—

my requests are open so if you'd like to see more of steve and the twins let me know, hopefully they can find poor evangeline! and if you enjoyed please consider reblogging, it means the world <3<3<3<3

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fatuismooches · 3 months

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greetings!!! this is the first time i've ever shared my idea to anyone, kind of worry but guess that i have to share it with you because your writings are so good and i love how you execute scenarios and ideas (literally awake all night scrolling through your brainrot 😭😭😭😭)

let me tell you that fragile!reader and dottore is what keeps me awake at night i love them so much, i literally read everything in the tags, the fluff and angst is SOO GOOD NGL.

so, angst/ no comfort (because i love tormenting myself (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆), fragile!reader and terminal lucidity - somebody suddenly became lively and conscious before their deaths. i see that you have written about fragile!reader whose memories are slowly deteriorating or slowly losing their eyesight. imagine one day, everything just come back...normal, the sudden recollection of memories, vision returned miraculously, no pain, no suffering, as if they were back to the days at Akademiya. they became gleeful, happy, full of live, no longer the gloomy, sick-ridden individual.

Dottore, of course, was surprised at this phenomenal, run more tests and check-ups just to be sure that we are actually healthy because there is no way we actually turn healthy after being sick in centuries. the segments however, especially Zandy, didn't think much about the whole ordeal. you are fine!! you can finally walking and running freely without being on life-support. your turn in health manage to turned them into a bunch of joyful, blue-haired maniacs with giddy, happy smiles on their lips.

we are fine for a few weeks, which also make Dottore himself believe that maybe, maybe his efforts have paid off, maybe our health have been stable, and maybe from now on, he could spend the rest of eternity with his beloved.

then we die (this is so mean i'm so sorry 😭😭😭😭😭). how they perish is completely up you but i'd preferably that they die in their sleep, a peaceful death. Dottore and the segments are... well, shocked is an understatement, their whole world have...gone, they'd question themself: how can this happen? you were fine in the past few weeks? In which Dottore blame himself the most, he shouldn't have believed that we were fine, he should have run more test, he should have been more cautious about the whole situation but now he completely felt... helpless, for the first time in millions of years. the only person who went thick and thin, the person that can tolerate him in the Akademiya days and the person that he can tolerate now have passed away.

(the ending is kind if short because idk what else to say since my vocabulary and grammar is rather limited. i hope this would be sufficient 😭😭😭😭😭 also looking forward on how you react to this. for now i'll just cry myself to sleep with this scenario while waiting for your work ❤️🥰)

- 🪷

It would come out of nowhere, no one expected it, no one believed it in the beginning. After all, over four hundred years of debilitating illness makes it hard for anyone to believe something good finally happened. But it does, when you first wake up you can feel that something is different - you definitely do some test runs in your room, picking up objects that were once too heavy for you, simple actions that no longer left you tired, no more aches or pains, it was marvelous. So obviously with your newfound energy, you sprint out to find anyone, hell even a random agent would do, because you're finally free. (You can already hear the voices of the segments - no running in the lab because of the very obvious dangers.)

Naturally, Dottore is very skeptical of this, yes, he does not trust how his heart beats at the sight of your glowing self putting on a little performance for him to show how healthy you are now, he can't bring himself to. He's witnessed how low you could become from the worst stages of your sickness, so although he's more than happy to see you well, the possibility of you falling back into such a state is very high. However he cannot find anything, and you don't show any visible signs either. Even so, he still watches you very closely. It's a feeling that always nags, one that may always nag him perhaps, the thought of you becoming worse. But he's not going to damper your mood with his thoughts, you should enjoy this.

Dottore and the segments would still scold you for your recklessness but realize that you are no longer sick and frail and they no longer have to fuss over your health. It's a very strange sensation that's hard to break out of since they've been doing it for so long. But it's good! You're happy! You're strong! You're the [Name] that was buried away, come to rise to the surface once more. Let's just say Zandy very much enjoys the piggyback rides. The checkups still persist as a general measure, but they always go smoothly. It seems there's nothing to worry about.

You would want to assume your role of his assistant once again right away - it's something you've been longing for, to be able to be useful to your lover just like how you once were. To live those days of banter and sharing fascinating knowledge and listening to each other's ideas once more. And so you do, Dottore's more than happy to let you, oh how he's missed you by his side so often. He's excited, he's ready to put the past four hundred years behind and move on, his mind already racing with the countless possibilities that have opened up now. Unfortunately, they don't come to fruition.

Perhaps you felt something wasn't right but it was already far too late - on the day of your death you acted like everything was normal, carrying out your new duties, but also with a lot of added affection, visiting each segment and Dottore and kissing them with all your love. They don't think much of it, you're usually affectionate like that. If only they knew that would be the last time they were embraced by you. Little Zandy too - it would be the last time you ever hugged him and listened to you read him a story. He'd be absolutely inconsolable after your death.

With you gone, the spark in his life would be gone. It would be the same routine of his duties and experiments and research, with nothing to ease his tension. Sure, he no longer has to spend lots of time finding a cure or producing medicine, but this wasn't the way he wanted it to happen. It's the same as when you were sleeping, except this time he no longer has the anticipation of you eventually waking up. Or does he?

Resurrection is a forbidden art, but he is Il Dottore, the one who has no problem sinking his hands into what should not be done, and he is Zandik, the one who loves you. If this world wants you gone so badly, then so be it. He will simply reach for your hand and pull you back to him every time, because even if it is lifeless, he will make sure it's warm once again.

#smooches talks #🪷 anon #fragile reader <3 #dottore love notes <3 #WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS.. HELLO...#NO ONE SPEAK TO ME 💔💔💔🙏🙏#fragile reader/dottore angst has been BANNED #AND U ANON.... grrr... biting u in revenge and thanks for this brainrot #PLS SHARE MORE OF UR IDEAS ITS TOP TIER #thank u for ur kind words too... BUT GO TO SLEEP 💗💗💗

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butthatsjustmyfilthyopinion · 13 days

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One time I was with a friend and a mutual acquaintance of ours started talking about how they figured out they were aromatic but it was in the format of those “you know your aroace when” and it just keeps getting increasingly specific and targeted. I knew well and good I was acespec at the time and my friend was the out aromantic acespec, and he had more regular contact so naturally I assumed that they were talking more to him than me which is chill they were an acquaintance, idgaf. So I’m sitting there laughing along because of course I’m relating to aspects of this I’m asexual, and then it starts getting into the aromatic section and I’m like “oh no. oh no” Something about it just triggered my flight instincts, like cat jumping and climbing over furniture and hissing kind of flight. I was nervously laughing like “ha ha I feel targeted stop. stop. STOP I FEEL TARGETED HeLP” and had to actually stop myself from crawling away over the seats (we were in an auditorium at the time). anyway, that’s how I started to figure out I was arospec finally, but moral of the story it’s okay knee jerk reaction is retreat. That doesn’t always mean you’re scared. it can just mean you’re not expecting something and want to approach it on your own terms. to often I think bodily reactions are read into for emotional ones that aren’t necessarily there. My body is constantly “over preforming” what I’m feeling. My tone especially. Just yesterday I was talking with the cashier after a late shift and while I felt fine my tone was coming out so much more tired and gloomy. I asked him “how are you so cheerful on such a late night” and it came out accusatory. I wanted to apologize but it wasn’t worth it anymore. The same thing happens when I talk about something vaguely undesirable, and the opposite happens when something good happens. My body may want to sob when nothings happening, it may have pent up energy that I have no motivation to do anything with. It’s okay if your body doesn’t always match. idk where I’m going with this, but I guess if this is something you experience there’s someone around who’s living comfortably with it. Its never been a source of pain for me and I hope that it hasn’t been for you, but it can be strange to not really have the vocabulary for something and therefore not know if it’s normal or not. Which kind of circles back as to why we have labels in the first place, so we’re able to talk about these things. So yeah.

#aromantic #asexual #acespec #aroacespec #arospec #aro struggles #struggles in general #lgbtq #aroace #aromantism #aro pride

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genshinology · 2 years

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𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓. zhongli

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ pairing : zhongli x gn!reader ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ genre : modern au, high school au (can be a college au if you want to), friends to maybe lovers au and fluff. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ word count : 3.2k (reblogs are appreciated ^^) ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ summary : when you had a crush on a certain student council; the president at that. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ content : reader is a simp for zhongli, mentions of various liyue characters, one kissing on the cheek and the usage of the word ‘asses’ once. ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ notes : idk what is this lmaoo it’s in my drafts for months and i actually planned to write “multiple” genshin men as the students’ representative council and already have diluc’s part drafted before deleting it, but the will to continue just disappeared into thin air HAH. even the format of this is so messy AJKDWHSKWDJ

☆ — a students’ representative council (SRC), also known as a students' administrative council, represents student interests in the government of a university, school or other educational institution.

it wasn't an underrated statement, to say that, zhongli from the front class was literally the most—if not, intelligent—famous guy throughout the entire year.

some said he was a prodigy of some sort, while others often looked up at him as their own role model. the way he often ranked one in any tasks or exams in the semester, there was no way he was never not the talk of the school.

with his strikingly slender and tall figure, plus his sharp features littered everywhere on his effortlessly charming face, always in a neat three-piece suit whenever he walked down the hallway, it was safe to say that almost everyone was head over heels for him, you included.

something about him reeked of wisdom, maturity and kindness. he was everything you wanted in a man. a perfect human if you had ever seen one.

the glances you stole during his weekly assembly speeches, the way you never really focused in class but only at him, you really needed to do something about this, because what started as a simple crush turned much more worse, especially when it was your last semester to land yourself on an excellent gpa.

he was everything that you weren't. this fact alone made you scrambled to talk properly at him, especially during that one time when you were somehow magically—or, your chemistry teacher randomly—paired up with him as his lab partner. it was a memory you wouldn't want to go back, because the way you were nothing next to him made you dumber and more often you were left speechless at the confidence and intelligence he exuded.

that time, you exactly knew why he was the most voted person to win the student election. the capability of a leader; to lead, to teach, to advise, to grow, to win, he did all of them to you, and you cursed mentally at your stupid heart for melting at his amazing aura.

though one thing you were forever grateful was, you scored a solid A+ in chemistry, all thanks to zhongli who unknowingly keeping up with your antics to not mess up the project and promised you that everything would go well if you understood the concept.

somehow, your feelings at him worsened after that, but matters of heart were never in one's full control anyway.. right?

"zhongli was really helpful, i am so glad that he was my partner."

"if i said that zhongli was a sweet person, you guys wouldn't believe me. the way his intimidating aura overshadowed that caring side of him.. he really helped me a lot on my understanding for that hellish carbon compound chapter."

"oh god, hu tao, have you seen zhongli today? wait, we're classmates, but whatever, he looks good as always."

"his speech yesterday was so inspiring. how come a man has so many advanced vocabularies in his head?"

hu tao eyed you with a something akin to a disgusted look and your face, "y/n, don't you really think that you, somehow, should get this feeling off your chest?"

"i know," you sighed, leaning against the chair and silently enjoying the breeze coming from the window beside you. for a fleeting moment, it was calming, and your mind seemed to relax, but hu tao and xiangling seemed to not wanting you get away from the current topic.

"for god's sake, you have been talking about him for the past thirty minutes," xiangling smiled cheekily at the way your face went in embarrassment, she gave you a wink whilst clapping unamusingly, "yes, we know he's perfect. yes, he's cool and all, but are you really going to live your life with regrets, and that 'oh i wish i confessed to him sooner' because we are almost done with high school and we both know perfectly that you actually love him," this time, she was the one sighing, clearly disappointed that you didn't take any step further to do something, anything, with your feelings.

"before you guys went mad at me or something," you puckered your lips, "zhongli is like a celebrity, have you guys even seen how busy he is? walking back and forth towards the school's office to settle our needs, blah blah blah. he's always not in class when we don't have classes. how should i even start to approach him?" the more you thought of it, it was a ridiculous idea.

maybe living in denial was better than embarrassing yourself for getting 'friendzoned'. but, hu tao and xiangling were right. you needed to do something about your crush towards zhongli, because it started to affect you as a whole.

"we've been classmates for more than a semester, are you telling me that he wouldn't look at you? at least we're friends, not some juniors who are delusional, thinking that they can sit beside him during lunch or something," hu tao interrupted your deep thoughts, same as xiangling, she could only give you a heavy sigh.

as someone who knew zhongli because of their part-time together outside of school, she once laughed hysterically when you told her the not-so-secret about you crushing on her co-worker.

"make the first move, y/n. you'll never know what's in store."

for most part, you often questioned yourself for being an actual idiot to do what they said. why did you even accept their challenge to confess at him before your final exam, you truly didn't know the real reason behind it. maybe you really had set yourself to really get it out. once again, what would it be for? simple. you just wanted to move on with your phase of having this stupid crush on everyone's sweetheart. there was so many people that wanted him, maybe more than you did, so the thought of him considering your feeling was never coming across your mind.

however, talking about it was way easier than verbally made actions for it.

the way your heart was beating so fast when he brushed your shoulder slightly and greeted you with a nod at the school's gate made you instantly knew that you would be heartbroken if he shrugged you off.

the way your stomach dropped when he once came back from the principal's office to settle down some paperwork about senior field day with another student council, asked you if your table was still vacant since he was rushing to eat lunch before heading out to meet the vice principals. he said something about your table was the closest to reach, and thanked you after stuffed himself with a mere egg sandwich. all in all, you were baffled and almost choked yourself on the soup xiangling brought. you finally gasped in realisation when the situation registered itself inside you; you had lunch with zhongli, although it was like under ten minutes, but still.

the whole cafeteria must've witnessed such scene, and for a second, you almost giggled at the way you felt like you had won against other zhongli's fans.

the way your fingers trembled when he helped you balanced yourself during one of the p.e. sessions inside the indoor court where you were tasked to do gymnastics. zhongli volunteered to help the teacher—you, and many, once again were ultimate whipped at his altruism—to look out for any minor errors while you guys were, at least, trying.

it was a miracle that zhongli decided to help you in the first place, the way his warmth seeped under your skin when he held you close for you not to fall while balancing on the beam, it was really hard to not getting swayed. safety comes first, you reminded yourself, you were a no gymnast too. but the way his cheek was almost pressed against your side to catch you when you slipped, his hold tightening, you swore you were in shambles.

it was the worst when you needed his approval of organising your club to help and visit an orphanage at the countryside, mainly for some extra marks for your club activities and this made you regretted why you were the club secretary in the first place. you didn't understand why you needed to seek zhongli's signature on your paperwork, but considering that the principal himself did say that he would approve whatever the president approved during one of the assemblies, it was way better, technically, than to wait and fidgeting with your fingers at the principal's office for hours, debating with him on why the school's fee should be lent for your club for travels and food and stuff.

"zhongli," your voice sounded small, and you mentally freaked out at how weak you sounded, totally not the you who casually once blurted out a curse word at hu tao at the science laboratory because she messed up with an experiment about insoluble salts, yet your group was doomed when the salts turned out soluble. something about hu tao accidentally used sodium instead of other options.

"oh, y/n," zhongli's eyes lightened up, he was only sitting at his desk, the blazer on him was never with a crease in sight, it just made him stood out even more, "what brings you here?"

you actually thanked the god that his desk wasn't crowded with people, or gifts, since it was still way before the first period.

for more than six months, you knew zhongli was the first one to enter the class, so you did what you had to do to meet him, came earlier than him, for the sake of the paperwork. your advisor said that the deadline would be by the end of this week, but you figured that the sooner this could be done, the sooner your heart would feel at ease.

only because of the charming man in front of you.

you were pathetic, you admitted that.

"uh, so, you see, my c-club, ah yes! my club, is going to help this one orphanage, b-but mr. tian said that i-it would be.. uh, easier, yes, for me to get your approval before anyone else.. or the principal. hm, yes," god, your social skills were never this bad, even the way zhongli was looking at you intently before shifting his eyes to the papers on your hand made your heart skipped a beat, "i.. i did the paperwork with ningguang, so the format must've been r-right. the details should be in there," it was indeed a miracle that you managed to voice out the lines you had been practicing since yesterday.

you vividly remembered that you were almost in the verge of breaking when you realised that you did the paperwork in the wrong way, and you didn't want to restart it again after spending hours and hours brainstorming on the ideas you should pour onto it. luckily, ningguang, the deputy president—bitter on your tongue to say this, but she was zhongli's partner in the council—helped you a lot when you decided to not be a coward and asked her for her advice. she did help you, and you knew that at least you wouldn't embarrass yourself in front of zhongli.

you handed the paperwork at him, sighed in relief when zhongli finally skimmed through it with a comforting smile.

"whose idea is this? it's a great initiative to obtain co-curricular marks with helping the orphans," he didn't look up at you, even when he sounded genuine and really went thoroughly the papers, "is it yours?"

"i, uhm, yes," you answered almost breathlessly, swallowing down the invisible lump in your throat when his eyes directly made in contact with yours, it was insane how much he affected you.

"is it so? that's endearing," zhongli chuckled lightly when he took a notice of the light red shades on your cheeks.

you weren't going to survive breathing the same air near him, the more you observed how attractive he was, the more your mind went blank, and all you could say was a small, "thank you."

though you didn't really know why you were thanking him for. maybe the slight hint of a compliment lacing under his last words made you felt like you were in cloud nine.

"you're welcome," zhongli didn't seem to mind the way you were flustered at his words and your response, as he delicately signed the paper with the black pen in his hand.

"may i.. go too?"

"what?!" you honestly should stop freaking out over simple things he said, please relax and stay calm for your own sanity. this was definitely getting out of hand.

"hm," he hummed, the silken, deep, sexy guttural tone underneath made you blinked at him multiple times for being stupidly gorgeous over little things such as this, and the way you responded to them questioningly, "i want to meet the children too," he stopped, reading your somewhat horrified face before continued on, "if it's alright with you, put my name in the list. once in a while, the children should believe in humanity, and us."

your mind went blank. did this mean zhongli would be going with you? like, literally...?

"y/n?" his tone changed, concerned look all over his face when you didn't budge to take back the papers on his desk but staring blankly at him.

"i, oh, yes—" you fixed your uniform, still didn't quite get it why you did so, presumably wanting to look presentable after all those stupid things you accidentally did in front of your own crush, "sure. i'll add you."

zhongli smiled at your words, before you bowed down at him, blabbering something about, "thank you for your approval," before you almost tripped yourself as you unknowingly kicked a chair in the way, bracing yourself to not fall down as your hands secured themselves on someone else's desk, mouthing, "i am fine," when zhongli's eyes almost widened at your clumsiness.

so when you finally reached your place, sitting down and pretending to be busy while shuffling through your things in your bag, zhongli's voice cut through the silence, "let's meet early again tomorrow, before everyone else is here. i would love to discuss the plan in details."

you didn't realise when, or how, but zhongli did turn himself fully to face you from a distant from his desk, while you, on the other hand, almost choked on thin air when you knew too well that you wouldn't be going to survive another day like this again.

but fate would always brought surprises in one's life, wouldn't it?

because the usual meetings an hour before class turned into a habit, and in some weird way, you found yourself more motivated to go to school early. even your mother was in shocked at how you woke up with a smile on your face, already in your uniform before heading out way too early when usually, around this time, you would groan at your mother that you needed five more minutes of sleep.

the activity at the orphanage went pretty smooth too, and you would consider that you were now friends with him—not like you didn't consider yourself as a friend to him initially, but all this time, you were, after all, only his classmate—because once again, your club advisor paired up you with him to distribute unwanted clothes and books to the kids. the smiles they gave back at you made your heart contented.

the habit of coming to school early made you realised that zhongli unknowingly brought the best version of you, and you were proud at how productive you had became.

it went on and on, until prom night was nearing.

it wasn't a thing before, but now, that you knew how to act properly in front of him, the only thing that was weighing inside you was should you ask him, or not?

sure, you weren't a special someone in his life, but xiangling's words haunted you more often than you liked. you didn't want to regret seeing zhongli with someone else in his arms, you wanted it to be with you. god, you sounded so selfish, when there was a long line in your year to be his prom date.

you would never stand a chance. maybe living in a blissful ignorance would be way better, although you were itching to not thinking of zhongli with someone else.

"this might seem out of context, or, generally speaking, this would, mayhaps, surprise you," zhongli started when both of you finally walked up outside of the stuffy class, decided that it was the best to get a fresh air early in the morning when no one was around. your mind would think this as a secret date, but of course, it wasn't.

"do you have a partner? for the prom night?"

you couldn't count how many times this man took your breath away with his unexpectedness, but it was bizarre that he found this thing intriguing in the first place, and to ask you that bizarre question.

because all things with zhongli were strictly business. that was what hu tao once said to you. he was a serious man, who took care of everything for the students, and didn't ponder over things such as.. this.

"n-no," you were caught off guard, but there was no way you would make a fool out of yourself again, he already seen worst, "why?" you couldn't help but to indulge in your own curiosity.

"nothing. i mean, i am just.. curious," zhongli blatantly lied and you cocked your head to the side slightly. spending your time with him made you realised that the perfect zhongli tended to avoid eye contacts when he tried to avoid something.

"really?"

"okay, no. i actually would like to spend the magical night, and wouldn't want to miss the chance to dance, with you," he was rather straightforward, not even his usual serious expression faltered when he just dropped the bomb out of nowhere and said that he wanted you to become his partner for the night.

"zhongli, i—" you took a deep breath, slightly pinching your face and yes, you weren't dreaming, zhongli was still there in front of you, waiting for your response, and right then and there, you ultimately decided to confess at him on that night, the outcome didn't matter, at least you could be with him for a night, "—yes, yes. of course, i would love to."

you didn't realise that you were almost in front of the school's beautiful courtyard, as zhongli smiled, sincerely smiled at you. he seemed loving, and the way his eyes told you a million stories behind them already told you much, that maybe, just maybe, zhongli did have a thing for you. there was no way his eyes would lie.

zhongli then mouthed a, "beautiful," before he planted a kiss at the corner of your lips. it was only for a moment, and if you weren't paying enough attention, you might not acknowledge him doing so. it was too short-lived. you were taken aback, and for the first time living in ignorance, you smiled at the little gesture.

you spotted hu tao and xiangling along the way, might need to kick their asses later when you saw hu tao handed over some cash at xiangling, before they giggled at your direction and ran away.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

#☆.works #zhongli x reader #zhongli x you #zhongli fluff #zhongli imagines #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact x you #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact imagines #genshin x reader #genshin x you #genshin fluff #genshin imagines

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spacelazarwolf · 9 months

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Can i ask why people seem to only refer to black and brown people? I'm east Asian, and it can feel kind of bad not really being included in the language surrounding talk about racism. We're one of the groups that faces the most discrimination and hate crimes, especially with how covid started. Me and nearly every Asian person i know has faced racism over our lives and many of us have very pale skin. It feels very alienating to be, in a way, left out of the discussion. I understand that often we're included somewhat implicitly, but it doesn't look like it when the language doesn't represent it.

so before i get into it, i'm giving two caveats: 1. even though i'm jewish and my family and i have had a complicated history with being racialized as non white, i'm still racially white. so while i always try to take into account all the things that my family has experienced and that the people of color i know have taught me, that's still the individual perspective i'm speaking from. 2. i live in the us, so that's the culture and society i'm talking about. it may apply to different places in the west (or even outside the west idk) but it may not so like inb4 "#american centric" bc i am literally talking abt america.

re: your actual question of why people seem to only refer to black and brown people, i think it's mostly used to talk about issues that affect darker skinned people of color, but sometimes used as another variation of "people of color" that's meant to encompass all nonwhite people. i've definitely used it that way before without really thinking about it, but i can see how that could make groups who may not see themselves as being black or brown feel left out of a conversation that still absolutely pertains to them. i think we as a society are currently struggling with what vocabulary to use when we talk about racial issues. there's a bunch of different acronyms and phrases people use, and listing out all the different racial and ethnic groups we can think of always leaves someone out.

but i also think our struggles with vocabulary are caused in part by the way our view of race has become very black and white. especially when it comes to east asians, i think people fall way too easily for the model minority myth + think lighter skin = less oppression, so they think east asians don't need as much advocacy as other groups. but as you said, especially since covid, there's been a massive spike in anti asian racism, and that's something i don't think people are really taking seriously. there's this one scene in station 19 (cw for discussion of anti asian hate crimes) that i feel like addresses this so well. people are afraid to downplay the severity of anti black racism (which is understandable considering that anti black racism has been downplayed for hundreds of years), but they end up gaslighting other racial and ethnic minorities or even themselves about the other kinds of bigotry that exist. and as one of the characters states in the clip, "it's all bad."

and like, as a jewish person, i definitely feel a lot of solidarity with east asians because our struggles are dismissed in similar ways. for those of us who are light skinned, we're often told (in my experience, usually by non black people) that basically our skin is too light for people to care because "black people have it worse." people use any success our communities have had as a reason why what we experience Can't Possibly Be That Bad. but what they're missing is that it's all connected. the same people who are perpetuating anti blackness are likely perpetuating anti asian racism and antisemitism too. you can't get rid of anti black racism without dismantling white supremacy, and part of dismantling white supremacy is addressing anti asian racism and antisemitism. we can't just keep hacking away at one brick and expect the entire wall to come down. we have to bulldoze it all.

#ask avishai

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sayitaliano · 1 year

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Studying languages tip #IDK

Reminder for my fellow language learners (not just Italian learners): do not just "listen" to your target language (and I mean also with subtitles), repeat out loud. Repeating out loud what you hear can help you fix in your mind the actual sound of a word and remember it better, and also recognize it whenever you hear it from natives. Do not just rely on how you remember the sound of a word, at least not in the first days you're learning it.

So for example:

1- search for easy youtube videos in which there are only words lists pronunciations. Kids videos generally will do. (Reminder if you're studying Italian I have posted a few audios in the "#audio audios" section and you can listen to them or ask me to make some more, talk slower or whatever). You can also search for kids' songs if you want, and break them down to easy words.

2- choose a song you like or by your fav artist (in your target language). Find the lyrics and follow your artist voice for a few times, then start singing along with them. It doesn't matter if some words will sound weird or be uncorrect or you'll end up saying "blabluojaos" instead of "macchina" even if you know how to pronounce "macchina": you're singing, following the rhythm and thinking about the pronunciation of the next words as well: it's a lot. Just take your time and remember, you can do it more than once and for a few days too. [I learned English and many vocabs more cause while I was having lessons in school I kept listening to English songs: for example I ended up learning by heart Linkin Park's songs and nowadays I can still sing Mike Shinoda's rap parts. So if I made it, you can too].

3- if you're watching movies, or anything you can stop and replay, try to stop and repeat especially the words you find "uncommon" or that you have never heard of. Listen to the actor/person saying them a couple of times, then repeat them a couple of times. You can also repeat the whole sentence you heard from the actor/person, note your word down and search for its meaning if it's not clear (it may also have more than one), and maybe try to use it in different sentences (make them up). [again, if you're studying Italian and need help with meanings, transcriptions -maybe you're not sure you heard a word correctly-, how to use a word... feel free to drop an ask or search in the vocabularies you can find on @sayitalianohome ]

Just beware: once more, especially if you're studying Italian, it may happen that the singer of your choice or actor/person speaking, may not use a "standard" Italian but a regional form or abbreviations or something like that. So keep in mind that you MAY learn words in a specific sound or with a specific use that MAY not always be the one we know/use in common Italian (but you can check it anyway). Back to my personal example: I have learned not just English but also Spanish by listening to songs. My "mistake" was that I kept listening to American English and South American Spanish: this is why when I listen to British/UK English and (Spain) Spanish, I still have some troubles in understanding some words (depends on the accent of the speaker tbh). But ofc you can ask for people to repeat, there ain't nothing bad in it. (And yeah, when I speak English I tend to use an American accent and same for my South American Spanish, cause those are the accents I am more used to and I learned better).

Anyway, don't be scared, sing, yell, talk out loud. It's gonna make a huge difference in your learning life.

#studyblr #langblr #languages #language learning #studying tips #language #polyglot #learning languages #languageblr #studying languages

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ghostscrown · 3 months

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So, I watched A Kind Of Spark ! Out of context / small spoilers + 1 or 2 bigger spoilers ?

This show is clearly targeted at middle school tweens, but still, it healed a part of my inner child. This is the first live action show I see with ACTUALLY GOOD autistic rep. Not "better than most", not "not that bad". ACTUALLY GOOD. You can tell it was written by an actual autistic person and it's so refreshing !

The meltdowns were portrayed SO GOOD. I mean it was so well done. It's the first time I see a good representation of autistic meltdowns in a live action show. Usually autistic meltdowns in shows have that neurotypical view on them but here it was just so accurate ! But also everything, every little detail was accurate.

The only thing a little weird I noted is when Keedie has an autistic burnout and it's solved like the next day – I never heard of any autistic burnout that lasted less than a few weeks at least, but maybe it's possible so idk about that, maybe it can happen and I just don't know. That was really the only thing tho. Everything else was just very good rep – you can tell it's targeted at young teenagers, and I think it's perfect for the targeted audience. I just know I would've loved to watch it even more when I was younger.

My inner child was crying tears of happiness lmao, especially with all the little details that mean so much but are always forgotten in shows about autism written by neurotypicals. Here, it was shown in a way that was... So casual. So normal. The autistic sisters getting a different amount of sauce in their pastas than the rest of the family. The way Addie sits. The different levels of masking. The way Elinor stims. How they act when they feel a meltdown is starting. The hyperfixations. The body language. The actual vocabulary used everytime !

If you're seeking for actually good autistic rep, this show won't disappoint ! I want a second season now ! I was getting tired of the neurotypicals' shows about "what if we put this autistic genius in normal life situations so they're awkward" – A Kind Of Spark was just so refreshing !

#a kind of spark #autistic #actually autistic #autism #autistic representation #autistic rep #autistic characters

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trans-axolotl · 3 months

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I'm a psych survivor & want to find community in general or join conversations on here but it seems like no one really cares what I have to say & a lot of the conversations on here about mad liberation etc. are so academic that I feel alienated & shut out by them, and afraid of being talked down to & made fun of, even though I was (barely) able to master's degree and thought I was fairly intelligent. it seems like the academics mainly want to talk amongst themselves. idk. it's like the more I try to connect the worse I feel. I guess you probably don't have an answer to this but I appreciate your blog & how accessible your writing is

💜💜💜anon i think you have SUCH an important point. for me, the most meaningful mad community that i've found has always been when I've been institutionalized and just talking with other mad people, where most of them don't have any experience with mad liberation politics or antipsychiatry or any of that vocabulary. But like--time and time again those are the people who just get it the most, and are some of the most insightful people I've met. And I know that if some of my psych survivor friends came on tumblr, I think they would be judged for not having the "right" language or not communicating clearly enough or whatever. Which makes me so fucking mad, especially considering how many of us are disabled in ways that impact our communication, processing, and language. and how to me, it feels like such an important value of mad liberation to celebrate different styles of communication and all the different ways we're going to show up and exist as mad people! I'm sorry that you haven't been able to find a lot of welcoming community on tumblr--I know how exhausting and isolating it feels to not be able to connect with the people that are Supposed to actually understand and support you.

and it's not that I hate academic stuff about madness--I'm currently at university studying disability studies and really appreciate disability scholars. I think it's super fucking important + there's a lot of really talented people doing cool work. But I think that especially in disability studies, there needs to be a LOT more of an effort put in to actually make research + writing accessible. If half our community can't access any of the writing about our community, that's fucked up, you know? I'm always getting into arguments at university lmao when I talk about how we should do more to translate academic work into plain language. especially since i think it's a form of injustice when we are kept away from resources and knowledge that would let us build a political understanding of our experiences. it just feels super important to me to think about accessibility and what that means in mad spaces and psych survivor spaces, and who feels welcome to participate in our spaces and who feels left out of them.

and i also don't really have answers or solutions for How to Make That Happen on Tumblr--if you or any followers have any suggestions i would def love to hear them. i know that a lot of people are going to come on tumblr to do a lot of different things and that some people see this mostly as an academic space for them, where some people just come on here to talk or create art or a million different things.

For me, I use tumblr as a space where I want to talk and connect with a lot of people about all kinds of topics and hear psych survivors opinions on a ton of stuff. a lot of my posts are pretty casual, but when i make longer educational and political posts i spend a lot of time thinking about the best ways to translate really academic concepts to a wider audience. when i sit down to write out a long post i try to incorporate as many accessibility features as possible like using bullet points, putting in summaries/ Tl;DR sections at ends of posts, adding in real life examples when I'm defining complicated technical concepts, adding content notes, and more. Before I post, I read through my posts and highlight every time I use a more academic or technical term. Then, I think through whether that vocab is necessary for people to understand the post, or if there's better language I could replace it with. A lot of times I do end up keeping in some technical terms in my posts because it is honestly the most direct way to explain some of the stuff I want to talk about, but it's been super valuable for me to go through and really think about it, even when some terms stay in my writing. that's just my process and what works for me and I really don't think that other people need to write the same way I do lmao, but if anyone ever wants to talk about writing in plain language & easy read PLEASE come into my inbox bc i love talking about this and want to chat about it with more people.

other things i'll say is that i've found that virtual/in person psych survivor/antipsych support groups are often times a lot more welcoming and accessible and are just like, people talking about things and hanging out together. I've heard really good things about Wildflower Alliance's support groups, and also recommend the Hearing Voices Network. Project LETS has been running an exceptional psychiatric survivor support group for almost a year that is more casual and is a really great community, I'm hoping that they're going to open up availability again in the spring so that might also be worth checking out in the next couple months. Campaign for Psych Abolition in the UK runs a mad art space that seems super fun. i wish there were a lot more existing groups cause it sucks how few things there are tbh.

anyway, know that you + anyone else are always welcome to chat in my inbox or on any of my posts and you will not face any judgement from me. i genuinely love talking to other psych survivors so much and want to hear what people have to say. the only people i get annoyed at on my posts are psych students and other mental health professionals who leave really bullshit stuff on there lmfao.

sending you all the solidarity, anon <3

#asks #psych survivor #surviving psych #psych abolition #mad liberation #accessibility #sorry for going on a tangent about plain language in the middle adsfjkhjkfsh i just like. am very passionate about plain language writing #and tumblr is one of the main places in my day to day life where i practice writing in plain language #i am not perfect at it but i really enjoy doing it and keep wanting to get better at it #also want to get better about writing in easy read. i'm not very good at that at all yet #ik that wasn't like directly related to your question tho so sorry!! i started getting excited about plain language #and then was like no okay i should just go post about plain language on a diff post that isn't ur ask askfdjhfjdkah #ANYWAY. sending all the love u way anon

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soracities · 9 months

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Hey not to drag this out any longer—but its interesting to see the makeup conversation from both sides. Saying this as someone who enjoys and appreciates makeup, and understands its many pitfalls and problems. People have probably said this, but I think you can understand both sides without bashing the other. Both are valid and both are worth talking about. You can love makeup but also understand why other women don't want to wear it and have their issues with it and vice versa. That its not an attack on you personally. I deeply understand people having a problem with separating that tho–we are only human. But I think we should strive for it regardless. Idk if this is really connected but I think some of the strong reaction from the women who enjoy makeup comes from the era (eras???) of ladies who were made to feel ashamed or belittled for being a 'girl' or a 'woman' growing up by guys (ESPECIALLY grown men). I swear, look back on it, there was a time where being feminine was very much being ridiculed in media and being the 'not-like-other-girls' girl was upheld. So this resulted in these girls growing up to realize how awful that time was and are now 'reclaiming' being feminine and not ashamed. I'm not saying this explains ALL of the makeup women's reactions but I feel some in my gen were definitely connected to that 'era' (think bratz vs barbie). But as a result, any pushback towards that is seen as a flashback to that ridicule and they don't want that shaming to return, instead of seeing it as an important convo to have. I feel like they aren't seeing the negatives (ones you have said)—like expecting 'tomboys' and non-feminine people to suddenly 'wake up' and not be ashamed of being a woman anymore or that those people presenting that way is somehow an attack on feminine women or them saying that feminine women should feel bad about themselves. Even if that 'era' (again idk if eras, women have always been clowned on) happened to a gen of women, society has ALWAYS favored the feminine women. Yes feminine ladies are made fun of, but non-feminine women have it hard from ALL sides. We need to have these conversations and stand united. All of us are valid and none of us should expect the other to perform (especially in favor of society and beauty standards).

Amjsnsjsjsjdj SORRY FOR THE LONG RANT. Just wanted to add some thoughts ;-; (sorry if this was nonsensical)

No, I actually think you have a point because I do agree with you regarding that "generation" (it does feel weird to call it that because it wasn't even that long ago): I think a lot of 2014-16 online feminism (what became mainstream, at least) was built precisely on that--the "eyeliner sharp enough to kill a man" era--and it was the first introduction to feminism that I had. As someone who was a "not like other girls" girl I probably would have stayed that way if all that discourse hadn't given me the vocabulary and framework I needed to understand why I felt such an obligation to separate myself from the things "other girls" liked (Ugg boots, Twilight etc).

And to be fair, the premise behind that reclamation, given the context it arose in, makes sense--it was a deliberate pushback against this incredibly narrow, hypocritical, and reductive view of what a woman "could" be: beautiful or intelligent, but absolutely not both. Attempting to dismantle that dichotomy was desperately needed, and I think it was important for a lot of girls to realise they weren't doomed to choose one or the other, but I think it's interesting because dismantling it by saying "actually, you can be both" leaves those two categories intact without really questioning what we mean by them. "You can be intelligent and beautiful", implies, in a subtle and roundabout way maybe, that beauty should still be an aspiration.

And I think it's this last thing that's probably come back to haunt us and is one of the (many) reasons we've ended up where we are. I think it's inevitable that this conversation regarding makeup and "feminity" evolved in the way it did because it happened within a societal framework that is deeply individualistic and only became even more so as social media expanded--by affirming women's agency in telling them, "you can choose who you are and what you want to be" (a necessary and important message) in a society where freedom is defined by individual choices, but not collective rights (and therefore responsibilities) means that you can, so easily, make that agency fit into already established and oppressive structures, without actually risking those structures and therefore maintaining their perceived legitimacy. And after a certain point we end up conflating the two in such a way that you are unable to criticize the structures without being seen to criticize women--because, like you said, it's something that's really difficult for some to separate.

I'm not denigrating this pushback or saying it was wrong to try and make girls feel less ashamed, but I think we have so easily missed the actual root of that movement, if you really get down to it, which was, more than anything, about denying the idea that women can, or should, be pigeonholed into arbitrary roles and live their lives confined by other people's warped ideas of who they can and cannot be. But I think the fact that we never fully questioned beauty as an aspiration in the "beauty and brains" equation legitimized it as a goal in a way and allowed a certain expression feminism to become as mainstream as it did because, ultimately, if it did not threaten beauty as a construct, then it could be tamed or made more palatable (and which is partly why, I think, that we have all this "divine feminine", "feminine energy" nonsense coming back)--certain rights have improved, true, and there has been more conversation regarding gender and women's marginalisation as a whole, which is so important--but by maintaining beauty as a standard we are also maintaining other forms of pigeonholing (and therefore marginalising) women because beauty is reductive too: if a perceived notion of "Beauty" is legitimised and valued, then we legitimise a structure where people who don't qualify as "beautiful" are actively devalued (and this plays into the added discrimination and dehumanization disabled women, women of colour, older women, and trans women are subjected to).

So, yes, what you said absolutely makes sense to me because I really do think that did play a part and it's something I can completely understand. I just wish (like so much else) that our manner of talking about these things was more open-ended and not so individualistic and insular, that we could approach them with the expectation of learning something new instead of coming from a defensive position--which truly shows, I think, that there still is a lot of shame attached to these things and that has never been fully explored or discussed properly: and that's proof of just how much we actually need to keep trying to have these conversation (even if every other tiktok trend is trying to set us back another 50 years).

#also please don't apologise for the rant i aprreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts anon <3 #ask #anonymous

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