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#incorrect batfamily
broosepayne · a day ago
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Dick comes to visit at the manor for the weekend. He begins to settle down in his old bedroom when he hears a pulsating, grinding sound in the distance. Music.
Dick: uh oh
Duke, passing by in the hall: Oh hey Dick. How’s—
Dick: Shh. Wait. Do you hear that?
Duke: what
Dick: It can’t be. Nonono. I can’t live through this again, please— *sprints toward the Batcave with Duke following behind him*
Duke: Dick, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like this
Dick: *running down the stairs to the cave* Nooooooo please God no—
The music grows louder. The sound of an electric guitar tears through the cave.
Dick, covering his ears: Nooooo
Duke: The fuck is this—
Bruce, hunched over in a corner and smearing greasepaint around his eyes: MCR released a new single Dick can you believe it it’s almost been a decade Dick listen
Dick, flashing back to Bruce’s emo phase, replays a few key memories from his childhood:
Bruce sitting on the roof in the rain while Dick yelled at him to help with his homework
Bruce crying after Dick stomped his headphones to pieces
Dick trying to get Bruce to wash the makeup off his face before attending a parent teacher conference
Bruce “I am a Bat. I am a Shadow. I am Darkness” Wayne trying out an even longer cape and tripping over it while Dick cringed in the background and Joker actually looked embarrassed
Dick putting on ABBA during training and Bruce threatening to ground him
Bruce playing the electric guitar at 3:00 AM on a school night
Dick cutting the strings of said guitar just before he moved out, leading to one of the greatest blowout arguments Wayne Manor has ever seen. (Alfred had had to spray both of them with a fire extinguisher)
Duke, tapping Dick’s arm: Hey. Are you okay, or..?
Dick blinks and comes back to the present. He glances back at the corner and sees this as the song comes to a crescendo:
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Dick: Nope. I’m not dealing with this again. I’ll see you all in a few months. Duke, good luck.
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scanndan · a day ago
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(Note: Store-bought donuts are too sweet for Damian, so Jason made donuts for him. The other donuts are store-bought.)
Bonus:
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incorrect-waynemanor · 21 hours ago
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bruce, to the bats: did none of you think this was a bad idea?!
duke: well actually, i di-
jason, smacking his hand over duke’s mouth: oh no, we all did. we just decided to do it anyways
damian: actually that’s not the tru-
steph, smacking her hand over damian’s mouth: WE ALL DID
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batshitferalquotes · 2 hours ago
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Steph: *during a game* Quick, name a yellow fruit!
Tim, panicking: Orange?!
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ruvonix · 4 hours ago
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{part 2}
Part two of things my friends or classmates has said that the bat bros would probably say if given the chance!
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Jason: So you sprained your ankle?
Dick: yup
Jason: hm
*2 hours later*
Dick: JASON STOP SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT SPRAINED ANKLES!
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Dick: Cum shooter 90k!
Tim: what.
Damian: why did you respond to that...?
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Jason: Why do I have a random orange in my bag.
Damian: throw it at someone.
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Tim: can’t a guy get any sleep?!
Jason: Buddy- you don’t even get any bitches-
Tim: and you can’t keep a dad
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Damian: I want to have those squirrels like from Willy Wonkers
Tim: oh yes- let’s throw you into a pit of em
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Dick: you smell like our high school teacher-
Jason: YOU SMELLED THEM?!?
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coffee-latte-sprite · a month ago
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Bruce: when is your birthday?
eight-year-old!Jason: August 16
Bruce: what year
eight-year-old!Jason: every year
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Bruce: Am I your favorite hero?
Jason, age twelve doodling a Wonder Woman logo on a white t shirt: Totally.
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giantpennyinthebatcave · a month ago
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Jason to Duke: How’s my favorite little brother?
Tim: …
Damian: …
Jason: Oh come on don’t look surprised. He’s the only one who I haven’t tried to kill.
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arguablysomaya · 8 months ago
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batboys are literally just like: *watches their older brother lie, manipulate, and keep secrets from his team* oh my god... i'd never do that... he's so much like bruce...... *goes off to lie, manipulate, and keep secrets from his own team*
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indi-el · 4 months ago
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Dick: uhhh… do I want to know what you’re doing?
Tim, standing on a chair to balance a slice of bread on top of an already large stack on top of Bruce’s face as he snores loudly, there are 3 empty bread bags at his feet: I wanna see how many I can get before he wakes up.
Damian, bursting into the room holding up a very disgruntled looking, glitter covered Alfred the cat: DRAKE-
Bruce, bursting up with a gasp destroying all of Tim’s hard work: I FORGOT TO ADOPT DAMIAN
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incorrect-waynemanor · 4 months ago
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steph: what’s up sluts? i’m back from jail
dick, concerned: sluts?
bruce, even more concerned: jail?
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batshitferalquotes · 7 days ago
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Dick, throwing confetti: You bring the razzle, and I'll bring the dazzle.
Bruce: *while apprehending a criminal* Is this why you made me add pockets to your suit?
Dick: Yes and it is 100% worth it.
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ruvonix · 25 days ago
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Jason: *sitting on the couch reading a book* (Refuses to sit next to Bruce.)
Bruce: *sitting on the couch as well just reading a newspaper*
Dick: Hey Jaybird! Hey B! Do you mind if I use the TV?
Jason: Sure, I don’t care.
Bruce: Yeah go ahead
Dick: so- wheres the remote?
Jason: *Shrug* Idfk.
Bruce: Uhm I’m not sure, did you check the coffee table?
Dick: yeah it’s not there-
Bruce: Huh weird-
Dick: Hey B, can you get up?
Bruce: Dick, I’m sure I’m not sitting on it-
Dick: Then get up.
Bruce: Wh- Dick do you not trust my word?
Dick: I don’t trust peoples word if they don’t tell me that my little sibling was nearly beaten to death by a crowbar by a man in clowns makeup and then getting blown up. Get. Up.
Bruce: *Speechless*
Jason: *Trying to contain his cackling*
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jasondoesntlikepeople · 2 months ago
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Tim: *sleep deprived, answering a phone* Cheers.
Tim: Hold on a moment *covers the phone* IS THERE A TIMOTHY DRAKE HERE?
Alfred: That's you, sir
Tim: oh. *uncovers the phone* Speaking
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nananabatfam · 7 months ago
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Damian: *sets the kitchen on fire*
Tim, panicking: Where’s the responsible adult ??
Damian: He’s asleep on the couch.
Jason: Don’t worry guys, I got this. Hand me a bucket of water.
Jason: *dumps water on Dick* wake up dumbass, the kitchen’s on fire.
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Dick *at the police station: I’m here for Jason.
Officer: Last name?
Dick: you’re new aren’t you?
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theundeadrobinclub · 6 months ago
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Damian *with a kitten very obviously hidden under his shirt* : I was not expecting you to be at the manor right now.
Jason: yeah, well, I had to grab some stuff from the batcave and then I wanted to get something to eat.
Damian: I see.
Jason *amused* : what're you hiding under your shirt, kid?
Damian: I do not know what you are referring to.
kitten: *meows and sticks it's head out of Damians collar*
Damian:
Jason:
Damian: please do not tell father, Jason.
Jason: hey! you know I ain't a snitch. but you gotta let me pet it.
Damian: that is acceptable.
Damian and Jason: *proceed to spend the next hour and a half playing with the kitten in Damians bedroom*
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arguablysomaya · 3 months ago
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once a month the batkids all get together and sit in a circle taking turns describing the way they manipulated and lied to literally everyone they know and everyone makes mmmm-ing sounds and says “that’s fucked up” a lot
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lithiumseven · 3 months ago
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Tim: I’ll sleep when I’m dead
Kon: No you won’t
Tim, sighing: No, I won’t
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broosepayne · 2 months ago
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