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ashsostrange · 6 months

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it’s stand on business o’clock, cz i know y’all sick gw*les & p*nkflower shippers + delulu gwen stans ain’t try to run my girl bree (@breeandhermunches) off her blog… you got me all the way fucked up and ima tag this in ALL the categories. you can’t do anything about it 🤣 if you’re upset, then scroll ho. if you know i’m not talking about you, then have a great day! 🫶 if the shoe fits, then wear it.

i’m getting disrespectful. ima return the energy you hoes dished out n you better take it like some mf champs. y’all wanted to fuck around so now you gotta hear my mouth and find out. read it ‘n weep. clearing you bitches gives me life.

such a shame we’re back here, but y’all are mad, mad miserable. like, i’ve never seen a fandom so chronically online. are you even trying to mask the fact that you rarely step outside anymore…? 😬

let me making it so very clear why i’m making this post in the first place, bc y’all seem to struggle with my main concerns never clicking in your heads.

y’all have the time to sit in somebody’s inbox and complain about their hatred towards fictional ships, meanwhile the people y’all complain about stay on their pages and mind their business? 🤨 those people being US. ion recall none of us going directly to YOUR pages to hate on punkflower and gwiles. if we hate, it’s on our pages. i don’t go looking for a mf fight, that’s mad childish. y’all were riding bree’s dick like crazy. at this point, her hate for gwiles must keep y’all up at night. talk to a therapist about that. it’s not healthy. i’m gna address ALL the bs y’all be on.

so now that you know why i’m posting this, let me set few things straight for y’all.

“don’t use the ship tag to hate! 🤬🤬” the day you copyright and trademark the tag, present me with an official “tumblr etiquette” rule book or, show me proof that you own tumblr is the day i’ll stop. ima do wtv i want whenever i want, please get that thru ya hollow ass heads. y’all aren’t entitled to anything. not respect, not no damn “common courtesy,” ESPECIALLY not over dysfunctional ships/fictional characters 🤣 i don’t owe you SHIT.

some of were y’all tryna go back and forth with me at the grown ass age of TWENTY. over GWILES. a sixteen yr old vs a twenty yr old, see your life 😂😂 it’s truly alarming. go get employed. if you alr are, then call your manager and pick up some more shifts bc you clearly ain’t doing enough. if college graduation rates begin to decline, i know exactly who to come to. everything’s going up and even tho you should be standing on some mf business so you can afford the cost of living, you’re arguing with teenagers online instead. a lot of you have too much free time.

“you posted this publicly under the tag, you can’t expect people not to want to argue” yes i can! block me and scroll. we don’t have to argue. i don’t remember starting an argument? i was never on your pages. i only reblog shit when it appears on my dash. like i said, i’m not searching far n wide for no damn fight. 🤷‍♀️ nobody told y’all to bitch, whine, and reblog mine or bree’s shit. your issue is that you have no self control. you don’t know when to hold yourself tf back, so you feel obligated to reply. god forbid someone has a differing opinion. my post was never even about the flaws in miles and gwen’s relationship. i was talking about how it is disappointing to see miles’ story be reduced to a love story. unfortunately, y’all forgot to put your glasses on beforehand and read “i hate gwiles.” yes, i hate gwiles!!! but that was not the point of my post. y’all are either illiterate or trying to let off some serious steam. i’m not having any of it. maybe y’all are upset i called you delusional, but you’ve effortlessly proven my point.

this is the internet. you have the tools to avoid seeing what me n bree hv to say, so why are you throwing a tantrum like a goddamn child instead of utilizing them?? you’re not special. the world doesn’t revolve around you and what you want. people are dying n you’re worried about a hate post under a ship tag?? mind you, that was the one and only “hate post” i’ve EVER put under that fuckass tag 😭 bree will make one post about gwiles, and y’all are the ones who’ll drag it out, then call her “obsessed.”we’re doomed bc y’all are doomed.

the white mfs complaining ab the term “snow bunny”… jesus 🤦‍♀️ ts didn’t even mean what you think it meant in the first place. it was originally used to refer to female skiers. some of y’all swear up, down, n all around that being “racist” to white people is the same as racism towards black people, and it’s not. let’s use “snow bunny” and the n-word as examples:

snow bunny had an alternative use before it was used to refer to white people. there’s no significant history behind it at all, unless you count tiktok as history. the n word has always been the n word. it’s always been derogatory, and anyone will a brain would know it’s mad history behind the word. it roots in deep hatred. people continue to use this word to belittle those who are black, or use it lightly around their friends nd behind closed doors as if it’s a common cuss word. y’all’s experiences with “racism” are nowhere near comparable to the experiences black people have BEEN facing and will be facing for fucking ever. white people have and always will be seen as the superior race, therefore, you face minimal to no “racism” outside of the internet, and i’d do anything to be able to say that. don’t even @ me talking about “🥹🥹 that doesn’t make racism against white people oka—“ i don’t care. at all. drink some water. you’ll be fine.

“you guys hate women!!!” “y’all hate gwen bc she’s white!!” like, you sound so fkn dumb nd all i can do is sit and stare at you.

me nd bree are black girls. people from EVERY race and EVERY ethnicity hate black people and EVERYONE hates black girls. hell, not even black men like us. why on god’s green mf earth would we ever want sb else to feel that way??

yk what y’all need to do? y’all need to quit whining and accept the fact that bree doesn’t like gwen because of what she did to miles. it’s as simple as that. stop trying to complicate things bc you so desperately want to deem her and other people who hate gwen “racists” or “misogynists.” no. i fw gwen heavy, nd me and bree are able to coexist bc neither of us are fucking delusional and regularly touch grass 🤷‍♀️ same thing with all my other mutuals.

meanwhile, you hoes get your panties in a twist when sb calls gwen a snow bunny as if she’s a sentient being who’s going to cry over ts, like, no. your feelings are hurt? take a fucking walk! nobody has to like her.

and punkflower, oh my god 😐 i’ve never been homophobic and i never will be. i’m literally queer. i’m not about that friendly fire before y’all try and call me homophobic. my thing is, if hobie was originally supposed to be a nineteen year old, n now his age is unconfirmed, why in the hell would we go and age him down to sixteen?? all y’all wna do is ship that man with miles or write smut about him. some of y’all wanna do both!! you change his age when it’s convenient to you. if you don’t see an issue with that, then i can’t help you. you’re weird. until i hear otherwise from one of the directors, he’s 19.

ghostflower or gwiles 🙃 the reason y y’all are sobbing or wtv. i thought y’all were exaggerating when you said gwiles was your religion, but it’s looking like i was very incorrect. real talk, ion like that fuckass ship. i don’t have to and neither does anybody else. just like you lames do with gwen, you dig deep in your ass for every problematic reason possible. “you have a racial bias!!!” “you hate interracial relationships!!” the fuck?? 😭 do you cunts read what you write before you post it?? “they’re more obsessed with gwiles than we are” “they must be in love with ghostflower & gwen”

…huh? covid really set some of y’all back tremendously because it seems a concerning amount of you lack critical thinking skills. in reality, just like hating gwen, the reason we dislike gwen and miles together is SO very simple. it all boils down to the fact that gwen did miles dirt. and i’ve made a separate post, i’ve talked about why they would never work imo. when i present y’all with my logical reasoning, you dgaf! so the only thing you can do now is shut the hell up, unclench, and cope. since you wna get in your feelings bout it, fuck gwiles, n fuck you too.

y’all even got some of your own people agreeing w me, props to y’all btw 👏 it’s never you i’m talking about.

i hate that y’all made it this deep bc it didn’t need to be. this is a fucking movie. none of this is real, yet you continue to harass me and bree like we murdered your immediate + extended family + the family dog that had cancer. i find myself hoping that one day y’all will realize how dumb you sound, but then i remember some of you niggas are already grown, so it’s looking quite improbable.

and also, don’t b up in my reblogs chattin’ it up about shit i’ve explicitly stated that idc about. i won’t repeat myself because you can’t read. if this post hasn’t shown you i don’t give even half of a fuck about you or your feelings regarding ANYTHING at this point in time, then i don’t really know what will 🤷‍♀️

if i made you mad, go ahead nd suck it up fa me. we won’t be going toe to toe and debating on MY blog because you’ll be actively wasting your own time, as i am not willing to hear anyone out. it’s been that way from the start and it won’t change. if you send an anon message or any type of inbox w some bs then it’ll sit there until the end of time or be swiftly deleted. if you reblog this post trying to invalidate anything i just addressed, i won’t even give you the time of day, bc i said everything that needed to said. i was very articulate and extremely clear. know that i can’t and won’t be swayed in the slightest. we’d just go back and forth until you decide to shut your mouth or block me. so block me now. ian the one.

if you don’t get it, then you don’t fucking get it, but what y’all aren’t gna do is treat people the way y’all were treating bree just because she hates two ships + gwen stacy. you complain about how the fandom sucks like you’re not the same people who make being in fandoms in unenjoyable.

you usually have to go to a therapist and pay for reality checks. luckily for y’all, i gave you one for free! you needed to be humbled and i happily did the humbling. lil piece of advice: stop trying to force people to gaf if they clearly do not. block and move on with your life. you gon get tired one day. leave me, bree, n anyone else you bother tf alone. spend your energy trying to change people’s minds on REAL ISSUES that actually matter, not fucking spider-man.

whew, ANYWAY… i hope i never have to speak bout this again. act right in the near future n i won’t have to “invade your tags” with long paragraphs in which i set you fools straight, thank yewww! 🫶

god bless!! 💗

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ftmtftm · 5 months

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Hey ty for combatting that one post saying tranandrophobia isn't real. I came to tumblr on the recommendation that this was a space transmasculine ppl can actually find each other but it STILL seems swarming with radfem rhetoric on like every app I try to use. I'm so scared bc next week I have to get a pap test done at this WOMANS clinic (I have a full beard) and every time I go something happens. Nurses get scared of me and have sabatoged my papers. Gestured me to go somewhere else for genital care. Every time I go to pick up my T I have to be so careful bc my papers have been shredded to keep me from getting it. Transmasculinity is so lonely sometimes. I've been sexually harrassed by a chaser, who is a woman. I feel unsafe whenever I go outside.

So for people like us to come to websites like these to have fun and escape reality and STILL see people including trans ppl who SHOULD be understanding us completely ignoring our experiences and talking like they have spoken to any of us, seeing bad faith takes constantly about how we're all attention seeking liars (while simultaneously being invisible bc that makes sense somehow) and MRA preachers bc we want ppl to stop ignoring when trans men get hurt and talk about their pain and how we don't actually get magical privilege and how secretly everything we complain about HAS to be about a trans woman somehow to shut us down-

It makes me feel crazy. Bc I know it's real. Lots of us do. But they still keep getting so many notes from radfems and queer ppl who want to look good. It feels so hopeless sometimes. I wish everyone who reblogged that had read your addition instead. Sorry if that was long

No worries anon! Like, seriously never be worried about leaving a long ask in my inbox.

Tumblr is a really complex place when it comes to the safety of any trans person really, because Tumblr is pretty dependent on the way the user curates their dashboard (though with the app trying to force new users onto the algorithmic dash that is becoming less of a feature - which blows bc user curation part of the whole appeal of the site!) But I digress - It's absolutely really frustrating the way even the most well meaning queer people regurgitate Radfem rhetoric because they don't actually know what Radical Feminism is because the Radfem propaganda machine unfortunately works and it has had decades of time to work well.

It's also especially frustrating because it is extremely emotionally labor intensive to try and discuss these topics and so you end up with a lot of extremely burnt out, frustrated trans mascs who want to give words to their experiences but are constantly told their experiences don't matter both on and offline. Which then ends with people expressing themselves in ways that are infinitely easy to take out of context or twist in unfavorable ways. Like, there's a reason why when I'm upset about something on here - I try to talk to my girlfriend or my best friend first to gather my thoughts. It's something I know I fail at sometimes to some degrees, but ultimately I don't want to fall victim to something like that. It's why I try to talk about my experiences clinically sometimes. Show too much vulnerability online and it can and will be weaponized against you.

There is also something to be said about how the absolutely atrocious damage actual MRAs have done to feminist discussions on manhood under Patriarchy is deeply upsetting. Like I said in that post, it is actually absolutely not anti-feminist to attempt to understand the ways in which Patriarchy reinforces harmful gendered stereotypes and roles onto men, especially marginalized men. Actual MRA's have taken that discussion and twisted it into something misogynistic, but the ways in which people shut down general feminist conversations on the subject quite literally stem from Radical Feminist thought - not general feminist belief - and it's deeply upsetting that that isn't more widely recognized.

I think, ultimately, hurt people hurt people and Tumblr is an environment full of hurting people who don't know how to cope well with their own lives. Marginalized people are canaries in the coal mine of capitalistic failure and we're all suffering in some way or another. That combined with the fact that Tumblr culture rewards feeling bigger or morally superior to others creates an awful cesspool of an environment for having real discussions on marginalization.

All of that said, I really hope your appointment goes well anon. Hopefully it all goes smoothly and without complications. 💛

#asks #anon

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adelle-ein · 6 months

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it's dawning on me that being online when you have extreme morality ocd might not really be feasible and i don't know what i can do about that

i'm utterly terrified of people calling me/thinking i'm a zionist, to the point where i can't stand up for any antisemitism that i see from people, so i'm just letting everything slide and being the Good Jew but that ALSO kills me bc it's so distressing knowing that i'm friends or mutuals with people willing to say and share these things

throw in the usual tumblr social justice "kys if you don't reblog this screenshot of a tweet thread from a random bluecheck" and like. i feel like i'm constantly dying. i feel completely responsible for the actions of israel as a jew because people are constantly telling me that i am, i feel like a monster for caring about innocents everywhere, i'm terrified that everyone has the most radical "all [palestinians/israelis] must die For Peace" positions and that there's nobody i can trust

i can read really profound and good writing from people smarter than me and feel secure in my position again and then go on here and see people i truly love and care about reblogging about how oct 7 was a false flag or justified. go in a doll discord and see random teens with harry potter icons musing about how mattel and mga are being controlled by israel bc as we all know companies never support anything evil of their own volition unless (((they))) make them. twitter is unsalvageable due to the sheer number of nazis being rt'd onto my dash for saying vaguely pro-palestinian-appearing things. and several of my relatives are far-right zionists and even the ones that aren't i'm scared might secretly be. it's fucking everywhere. i'm trying to close it off and do limited exposures to it per the advice of my mental health team (ie actually go to news sites/journalists and read at certain times of day instead of being constantly randomly exposed to inflammatory stuff) but it's really inescapable

and the worst part is i know this is amplified by morality ocd but i think some of it is true. i think saying my piece to people i love would get me called a zionist pig by some and an antizionist traitor by others. i think people i respect and care about genuinely believe some really horrible things. some of them are just sharing stuff or siding with a team and not really thinking about any implications but how can i take that risk?

and yeah i'm probably an evil cunt for caring about myself when people are dying! probably! but the one reassurance, i guess, is that nobody can possibly hate me for it, or for anything, more than i hate myself. i'm screaming for help but nobody hears but that's not really anybody's fault bc i'm also covering my mouth, bc if people hear the screaming then they'll hate me. that's what i truly believe

i don't have a point i'm just struggling really really badly that's all. i've literally written 4k about various things and not shared it bc like, my voice isn't helpful or needed or necessary here. i'm not smart i'm not special i'm not a scholar on antisemitism or islamophobia or hate groups or zionism or antizionism or israel or palestine. this is just me crying because i don't know how to keep going and i truly believe that everyone in my life hates me. that's all. yes this is pathetic but i need to let things out just this tiny bit

(if you do hate me for this then please please just block and break off any communication we have now, i hate to think of anyone feeling trapped in a relationship with me)

#txt #lacevent #i/p talk but only about how it's affecting me really #bc i'm not an expert and nobody should listen to me from like a serious perspective

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silentexplorer18 · 3 months

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Regarding the future of this blog

Hi folks! This one got a bit long, so I'm putting it under a cut.

TLDR: I've been really unhappy blogging for quite a while, so I'm finally embracing being a messy, multifandom blog that posts things without tagging them well, posts more personal things, mostly focuses posting my own fic on AO3, etc. If you're not into that, feel free to eliminate my presence on your dash. XO -Silent

When I started this blog a few years ago, I was essentially starting with zero knowledge of the social side of the internet. Sure, I'd read stuff on tumblr blogs, but I’d never used tumblr or looked at anything besides what was listed directly on a masterlist. I’d never used other social media sites, either. So, when I started using things like tumblr and instagram and even discord, I was trying to follow along and do whatever everyone else was doing. I tried to post clearly tagged stuff and keep my blog super organized; I posted cutesy photos with whimsical captions; I tried to find my footing in conversations that were hard to follow. But I always felt like I could never keep up. I was trying to follow the motions to make my online spaces what I thought they needed to be, but I never could do the motions quite right, so I kept getting more and more discouraged.

Why am I telling all of you this? Because I think 2024 is the year something needs to change.

I started off wanting this blog to be super pretty and aesthetic. I wanted my fics to be clearly organized and have easily navigable links. I wanted to only reblog fandom-specific things. I wanted to keep everything very on topic. And I wanted to be active in fandom (interacting with other fandom readers, makers, doers, etc.). But in trying to do all of the former, I’ve spent so much physical and mental energy that I don’t have the time, energy, or ability to do the latter. I felt like if I couldn’t do all of that, I shouldn’t do any of it, and, well, that’s plain not true.

The truth is this: I’m messy, and I write slowly. I like so many things, and I actually love to talk a lot. Keeping tags organized is hard and it makes me tired. Posting on tumblr (instead of just ao3) is hard sometimes because it makes me tired. I like talking to people and reccing fics and gushing over art, but I can’t always make it picture-perfect or aesthetic or linked so it’s easily navigable. Life is hard, and using social media should be something fun, not something to agonize over.

So, I’m making some changes:

I’m gonna be posting a lot more. Rambling about life. Sharing writing updates. Making you all privy to my shower thoughts.

But the writing projects I have will still be long hauls. Strap in, folks, ‘cause we’re probably looking at months-long to years-long updates. (Nothing is ever dead, just, you know, aging like fine wine or something.)

I’m not sure how many writing projects will be posted here, either. I enjoy posting on AO3. I like the format. I like the way it works. I like that it organizes everything for me. If I post something there, I’ll obviously share the link here, but I don’t know how many fics I’ll be posting here moving forward.

Also, I’m just gonna start reblogging shit like crazy. Anything! Everything! All at once! The tumblr is my oyster!

Despite reblogging more, I’m just gonna let this blog become more disorganized. If I have the energy to tag stuff, I will, but I think I’m just gonna focus on sharing things rather than sharing things in a way that’s particularly organized.

I’m gonna start reblogging more fic recs here, too (and sharing ones from AO3!). I will, of course, be keeping my fic rec blog, and it’ll get its own small update post, but the goal is to just give myself the permission to be less organized so I have more energy to enjoy and share fic.

Related: the blog might get a makeover. I’m not sure yet because I’ve had roughly the same colors/theme/pfp for all the years I’ve had this blog, so changing it will be hard. (And I have no idea what exactly to change to!) But we’ll see. Ideas are welcome.

I feel a little melodramatic making this big, long post about this, but I feel like the folks that are still hanging around my blog (you lovely, few and far between, who are neither bots nor dead blogs, I adore you all immensely) are hanging around for a reason, and I want to give fair warning that the activity levels here will be changing, the tagging system/findability of things will be changing, the location of fics being posted will be changing. It felt right to warn people so they could unfollow/block if they so desire.

But anyway, happy (late) 2024! I hope this post finds everyone well, and I’m excited to see what the future holds!

-Silent

#silent talks #blog update #this feels so dramatic and pointless to post #but I also just wanted to get my thoughts out there written down #so I could start changing things #because to change something intentionally you must acknowledge what it is you want to change and how #and also I wanted to give folks a bit of a warning to unfollow if they don't like the changes that are coming #because I think I was still trying to hold onto what my blog was when it started #and it is NOT gonna be like that anymore #2024 is the year of being myself unapologetically #and that starts with my tumblr blog

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lululawrence · 3 years

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Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

#long post #rant #i almost deleted this #but you sent it on just the right day and instead i let loose #this is unedited and unbetaed lmao but ENJOY #or don't #whatever #writing stuff #i should tag it #writing SHIT #but that's not really a tag i keep cause who wants to keep track of the negatives #not me

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changebydjo · 3 years

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IMPORTANT - PLEASE READ

so i’ve put off writing this for a long, long time, and it’ll be painful for me to make this post but at this point i feel like it needs to be done. someone within the liz fandom has been lying, gaslighting and manipulating me as well as many others, both online and offline, and after getting proof on everything (plus their lack of remorse) has prompted me to write this.

this is about gil perez, aka @unrated-g, and one of his irl friends, kim @kimbus-the-whimbus, to a lesser extent, but mostly gil. since 2016 - nearly 5 years now - he’s been lying that he’s best friends with liz gillies. i’m gonna put a read more because it’s a long, insane, and ridiculous thing that happened, but please read all of it and know how serious this is, as well as all the damage this man has done.

i met gil through tumblr in 2018 - he had been replying my posts since before that, but early 2018 is when i followed him and started chatting with him casually. over time, i noticed that he would reblog posts about liz and in the tags he would seem to be talking to her or referencing her, but not by her name - instead he would call her “goblin”. he would mention things that “goblin” liked or behind the scenes on dynasty stuff, and after a few weeks of noticing this and chatting with him about dynasty/liz, i ended up asking him if he was friends with liz/knew her personally because of the way he spoke about her. he confirmed to me that he knew her, she was one of his best friends, and he “didn’t expect” anyone to pick up on it. he told me to keep it private and i agreed, obviously, because i had no reason to not trust him, and i know that liz values her privacy.

it’s important to note that liz does NOT follow him or any of his accounts from her verified twitter or instagram accounts - instead, he said she had an “extremely private” encrypted tumblr account that could only be seen by people she follows/white listed. he was one of them. her blog would not show up for anyone else, and they met through tumblr in 2016 (even though he said she followed him back in 2010 and he didn’t realize until 6 years later) through their mutual love for uncharted, and bonded over playing uncharted 4 multiplayer together. it’s also important to note that liz has had 2 tumblr accounts since 2010, both of which she has abandoned, and he said that her private tumblr is separate from those two. she also was friends with him (according to him) through PSN, where they would play ps4 games together, and all of his text convos with her are from that app:

(^ “liz’s” PSN account)

throughout all of 2018, we would text on a regular basis and started becoming good friends. he was extremely kind, always willing to be there for me, and listened to me about not only fandom stuff but also my irl problems. he also became friends with my friend group, who were also in the liz fandom, and it was really nice for a while. in october of 2018, gil said he went to HHN with liz and matt in LA, and for xmas of 2018, he said he spent it with liz - both in LA and in NJ, which is what she typically does to spend her holidays with her family and friends. her pale blue eyes cover was also for him, according to gil, because he asked for her to cover it specifically and she did just for him.

gil would also occasionally stream for friends, and sometimes liz would show up:

beginning of 2019 is when gil and i started getting much closer - we started playing games together (mostly mario kart, at the beginning) and talking through voice chat. he would talk about liz and personal things about her/her life or dynasty, and he always willingly supplied that information himself - i never asked for it, i wasn’t friends with him to get information on liz or have an “in” with her. chatting with him made me feel good and happy and important to him, and i realized i started having feelings for him - which i told him about in april 2019. he said he wasn’t sure exactly how he felt but he thought he might feel the same, the only really complicated part (besides the fact that this was long distance/not irl) was that he also had a really deep crush on liz, someone who was his best friend/ultimate celeb crush. he was really like in love with her, even though he said he tried to suppress it. anyways, after me admitting that to him, our friendship started to develop into something more. we weren’t ever in an official relationship, but things were definitely not strictly platonic with us. we went from chatting once every week or two to almost every single night for 3-6 hours per night for MONTHS. throughout that time, our relationship became sexual, too, and my feelings for him just continued to get deeper and deeper.

this continues throughout the rest of 2019, and then new years 2020, everything just...goes to shit asap. gil got really distant with me with no explanation, i felt like all the affection he was showing me and the kind things he would say to me, as well as our bonding time when we would chat together, was just ripped away unexpectedly. i constantly asked what was wrong and what was happening, and told him how i feel, and i got no real response besides just being tired/non-sociable, etc. (which, for the record, is completely understandable, but it was such a huge 180 in behavior that it worried me and things never went back to normal after that). in addition to that, kim (who was mentioned at the beginning of this post) is one of his best friends irl, as well as his on again/off again ex (according to him). anyways, there were posts that she had made that indicated to them not being exes and instead still together - or at the very least not platonic - which crushed me when i found out, because until that point i had no reason not to trust him. i told him about it though, and how it hurt me because my feelings were so deep for him at that point i felt that i loved him, and he told me they weren’t together. this isn’t really necessary for the liz stuff of this post, but it’s important for context for how hurt and on edge i was already feeling before things got worse.

we would still chat maybe a few times a week, but nothing like it used to be, and i was happy we would even chat at all, even though things felt so weird and different and off, and no matter what i did, i couldn’t fix it. as 2020 started going on, and this continued, his friendship with liz started making me feel extremely uncomfortable. knowing that he had the weird boundaries with his ex, plus whatever was going on with me and him, AND that he was in love with liz?? it was unsettling. i felt like i couldn’t compare, because it’s *liz gillies*, someone i obviously love and idolize and look up to. and she was up on a pedestal for him, even though he said that he never tried to treat liz differently than his other close friends just bc of who she was, but that wasn’t true. anything that she said or did, he agreed with 100%, and would defend it. when he and i would chat, and i would mention something about dynasty that bothered me, he would talk about what liz’s thoughts were on it and how she felt and that she was right to feel that way and it made me feel awful. this happened on multiple occasions throughout various topics, from dynasty to fandom stuff to liz’s friendships/relationships, etc. no matter what, to gil, liz was always right and he always had an explanation for anything that happened. the way he would describe liz and the thing he said about her made me see her in a completely different light - she was not the same liz that she presented herself as, at least in gil’s eyes.

he would always talk about how amazing liz was to him and how she did so much for him, such as buying him gifts, supporting his art, etc. this was hurtful to hear because i was doing the exact same things for him, as well as our group of friends: we had been buying his art (not only the art prints but the ACTUAL original copies), sending him gifts or money for gifts, supporting him and his art on social media, as well as just being a genuine friend to him. he never appreciated or thanked us the way that he thanked liz; none of us ever compared to her, even though we were doing the exact same thing for him that he said liz was doing, as well. it made me feel like no matter what i did, or how supportive i was, i was never enough.

we also had a discord with gil, that involved him, me, and my friends sarah, hope, amanda, and dom. within this discord, it’s worth noting that gil was the only man there, and would talk about liz and his friendship with her there, unprompted. we never asked for info, he volunteered everything willingly, and we all kind of glossed over it at the time because we weren’t friends with him for liz or any of that.

(the screenshot gil linked in the gc is what “liz’s” private encrypted blog looks like on his dash. please note the edit post button in the bottom right of the screenshot.)

another important thing about his friendship with liz/being in love with her: he has this specific kink (which i don’t want to say what it is for privacy reasons) and he said that liz was engaging in this kink herself, and that he was jealous of liz’s bf/wishes he could engage in it with liz, etc. i wasn’t into this kink before talking to him but because i had liked him so much at the time, and i was slightly jealous that he wanted it with liz, i thought that i could indulge in it for him. it was something that i was not physically or mentally prepared for/able to make happen, and it really caused an impact on me, and he just...didn’t care. at all.

anyways: this stuff continues, then around summer 2020, my friend sarah reached out to him. she (and my friends, along with me) were starting to distrust the things gil was saying about liz, since it went completely against what liz would say herself. she would say she only plays the sims 3 on her computer - he would say she was a huge gamer and played the sims 4 on ps4, along with minecraft, uncharted, the last of us, horizon zero dawn, etc. he would say that liz and maddison brown (her dynasty co-star) played ACNH with him and quickly got to 5 stars - liz said in a zach sang interview that she didn’t play animal crossing. every time something didn’t add up, his excuse was that liz was lying for her privacy. she didn’t follow gil on any verified social media accounts in case “people harassed him” over being friends with her. so sarah texted him that she needed to talk to him about the liz stuff, because there was evidence it wasn’t true, and he denied all of it. he firmly stuck to his story, and sarah gave him multiple chances over several days to come clean and he wouldn’t. she asked for simple pieces of proof that he could give her, and he wouldn’t besides fake screenshots of her “private blog”:

he told me afterwards that if it comes between his friendship with liz or sarah’s, he’s picking liz - end of story. his and sarah’s friendship was done after that because of his decision. he blamed sarah for “ruining” liz and maddison’s friendship because of her asking for proof, and made her out to be the bad one in that situation. he ended up deleting the discord gc after this happened, with all of his screenshots/”info” as liz as well (we got screenshots of things before he deleted it though, much more that’s shown in this post).

about a month later, my friend léa also confronted him about it. gil had told her some things about liz’s “reaction” to meeting léa in paris, and at the time, it had made the experience more special for her. once she realized it was all lies, though, it really hurt her - he altered that special experience for her and twisted it into something that wasn’t real. he had the same reaction to léa’s conversation as he did to sarah’s, and he refused to tell the truth. their friendship was done with after, as well, along with a few other people from the liz fandom. i was the only one who stayed friends with him after that, and that was because i was closest with him and still trying to see if i could fix things with him. i was still naively believing that he would treat me okay again, he would make me feel important instead of always a backup option, that he wanted me again.

but of course that never happened. he continued to ignore me, talk to me less and less, and would subtweet me on his private account. after he stopped being friends with sarah and léa and everyone blocked him except for me, i was the only follower on his private account, as well as being the only person he followed there. gil, though, kept saying that liz had a “private twitter” where she would talk to him on his private account. he also said that he had “merged twitter accounts” into one, which was his private, which messed up his account and wouldn’t show who he was replying to, quote rts, or that he was following them, which - if you have a twitter, you KNOW none of that can actually happen. but it was his excuse to constantly subtweet me and my friends for not believing him, to maintain his story, AND to have convos with “liz” on there that only i could see, where he made it sound like he was talking shit about me to her. it was extremely manipulative and served no purpose except to fuck with me, because he knew that i was the only one seeing those tweets and knew i was already struggling with not knowing what to believe. here’s some of them:

(you can very clearly see that i’m the only follower/following on that account, the number is at literally 1, and he STILL was acting like he was talking to someone else and that other people were following him.)

now comes jan. 2021!! WE GOT DEFINITE PROOF THAT IT WAS ALL LIES. from multiple people. one of liz’s close best friends (that gil included in his stories about her, saying that he met them) said that they don’t know who gil is, have never met him, and it’s best for us all to block him for our own safety. a co-worker of liz’s (who was, again, included in gil’s lies, that he hung out with them multiple times, played games with them online, and bought him gifts) said that not only had they never met gil, but EVERYTHING he said about them was untrue. they even listed the inaccuracies he would say about them, such as gil taking photos of them at things like the SWT, and they confirmed who actually took the photo. they said that “none of it is fucking true” and that gil is a narcissistic liar, and also encouraged us to block him for our own safety.

i confronted gil myself about this a few weeks ago, and he continued to maintain his story that everyone’s lying to protect his privacy - even though we know for sure that wasn’t the case. he FINALLY owned up to it to me only once he saw i had proof and he was caught, and his reason for doing it was “he was bored”. he said he was sorry but he wasn’t truly apologetic - he either didn’t fully realize the scope of how hurtful his lies and manipulations were, or he just didn’t care, but the bottom line is that he always chose his fantasy of liz over his actual friends. around this time, once he knew he was caught, he also deactivated his private account, but brought it back a week or so later, with all of the subtweets and tweets about liz being deleted. all of the unverified accounts that were supposed to be liz - the tumblr account, psn, twitch, etc. - were all fake and made by him, so he could make it seem more real.

even if he WAS telling the truth about being friends with liz, he still would have completely violated her privacy by the amount of “secret” things he told all of us - from her kinks/sex life, to work life, to very personal things that he claims happened to her. knowing it’s all fake though, and he made up an entire personality and life for liz that doesn’t exist??? it’s insane.

now the part with kim - she’s known gil irl for over 10 years, and has tweeted about liz all the time, about how “good” liz is to her because of gil, and that she’s the one who encouraged him to talk to her. she brags about it constantly, even though none of it is real. she also tweeted multiple times throughout 2018-2019 about how gil “finally deserves to meet liz in person”, even though gil said he met liz irl back in 2017 or so - AND that she came to texas, where he lives, to meet him and his friends. when asked about her tweets, he said that kim’s account was “messed up” and her tweets weren’t “tweeted at the right time”. one of my friends reached out to tell her and show her the proof of gil lying, because gil has been lying to her and other people irl too, and instead she mocked us, belittled us, and chose not to believe a group of women coming to her about a 30 year old (!!) man manipulating us. gil said that kim was “aware of it all being a lie for years now” to me, but i think that was another lie, that he’s STILL lying to her about it. if not, then that means that kim was also lying for many years about knowing liz too, and used it to make us all the butt of her joke, so. so much for her being an “empath” and wanting to help people but anyways!!

the last screenshot is of her subtweeting us and implying that everyone involved with liz is lying for her and gil’s privacy, even though we have proof that that simply isn’t true.

i’m sorry for how long this is, but i need people to understand how serious this is. he’s been lying for 5 YEARS now about knowing liz - about her “accidentally sending nudes” to him, that gil is one of her best friends and he would’ve been at her wedding, that she’s a huge gamer who plays with him - all of it. it’s all lies. he created a fantasy version of liz that doesn’t exist, and incorporated into his real life, his friendships both online and off, and made it his entire personality. he’s not sorry about what he’s done - as i’m writing this, he’s still on tumblr, talking in the tags to “liz” again, because he’d rather uphold his fantasy life where he’s best friends with liz when in reality, she has no idea he even exists. and if she did, i’m certain that she would be disgusted with what he’s done. he lied about her, oversexualized her, used his kinks on her which was brought onto me - someone he knew that was vulnerable and had feelings for him, manipulated people into trying to believe his lies, gaslit people to make them unable to tell what was true and what was fake, and had absolutely zero respect for any of us. he even listened to me cry to him on the phone MULTIPLE times about how insecure and worthless i felt to him compared to liz, and he didn’t do ANYTHING about it. he sat there and listened to me cry, knowing he could own up to his lie, and he chose not to. he’s not sorry about what he’s done, and he’s going to continue to spread his lies. please block him. i can’t express how much he’s hurt me, the therapy that i need to have because of him, how much he’s hurt my friends and how little he respects women in general tbh. he always tried to come off as “one of the good guys” but now i know he’s harmful and not to be trusted. he even tried to separate me from my friends, and make it seem like they’re the ones making this situation even harder for him. i’ve tried so, so many times to get through to him, waiting to see if he’d change or show some remorse or anything, but after over a year of this i don’t think he will, and it genuinely hurts me to know that. BLOCK HIM.

#important #signal boost #long post #liz gillies #elizabeth gillies #so liz fandom ppl can see

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helakkas · 2 years

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Happy New Year, everybody! May the next year be better to you than the last. (Honestly, fuck 2021.) And with that, it’s time for me to log off.

TL;DR: I’m taking a break from all social media. I’ve already put some things in queue (I have over 5000 likes that I should clean out), but if it runs out, don’t worry about it. I’m fine - or will be.

I’m mostly writing this as a note to my future self. I always scoff at those “I’m deleting! Try and stop me!!!” posts, and absolutely no one is obligated to read this nor react to this. This is just...well, a diary entry of sorts. A snapshot of time. A reminder for myself, of how I felt at this time in my life. (And also somewhat incoherent rant, since I’ve been writing and editing and deleting parts of this post for the last two weeks, usually in the middle of the night when I couldn’t sleep.) The point is, I’m exhausted with social media - not tumblr or twitter or reddit or instagram particularly, in general. I’m tired of being here. I need to get out. I’m tired of the constant cycle of misinformation, bad takes, outrage at something, bad takes of that, correction of misinformation, another take-down of earlier misinformation, more misinformation, another wave of outrage.

Even if I rarely, if ever, post anything to voice my opinion or mutter it under my breath in the tags, I see and read everything that passes my dash or timeline. I think on it. I react to it. And it’s exhausting to react to everything, no matter if it is with outrage or disappointment or even joy. Who’s the villain of the week? What are we protesting today? What should I be aware of now? What moral dilemma should I tackle today? Even if I don’t reblog/post/tweet about it, it occupies my brain space and I react to it. I also don’t really know anyone online or talk to anyone here that much, but I can’t help but get emotionally attached after seeing the same names and avatars year after year, posting and/or reblogging about something that means so much to them. It’s obviously a me-problem, getting emotionally attached to avatars and feeling sad or disappointed when I have to unfollow someone for posting a really bad take or venturing into a fandom I can’t or won’t follow - but if it’s a me-problem, it’s my responsibility to take care of it. And it’s tiring to curate my experiences online. No matter how many times I unfollow people for posting/reblogging bad takes or block or filter certain words or topics and try curate my dash/timeline, something will always pop up that makes my day worse. Instead of being a relaxing respite from my real life, social media has only worsened my anxiety and depression even when I try to use it sparingly. I’m fairly certain people weren’t made to handle this much information; at least, I’m certain my brain can’t handle that much. It’s also addictive, at least to me - I find myself getting invested in drama that I usually wouldn’t glance at when I can’t sleep, scrolling and scrolling and scrolling endlessly in a stupid attempt to get my brain to stop thinking, which obviously doesn’t work when I keep feeding my brain even more information.

So, this is me taking care of a problem that’s entirely my own doing. I’m tired. I need a total break to see if I even miss this. Only because I’m bad at remembering dates and it’s easier to keep count this way, starting on January 1st (as cliché as it is), I will delete twitter, tumblr and reddit (and whatever else I’m forgetting right now) off my phone and log off from my accounts on my laptop. I haven’t logged off from tumblr and twitter voluntarily in... years. Seven years, probably. I honestly don't remember, which is alarming in itself.

I’m not deleting this account (or any others). I’m still too attached to it and the journey I’ve taken on it, but I’m not sure when I’ll next log in. Next week? In a month? In half a year? In a year? Never? I don’t know. I’ll try and see how long I can go without the need to fill the void in my life with endless scrolling and the outrage cycle. I’m kind of excited to see what I’ll do to fill the time left over when I don’t have to keep up with the latest fandom drama or read a dissertation on what we’re mad about today. Maybe I’ll start drawing again. Maybe write again. Maybe play piano. Maybe start a whole new hobby. Maybe exercise, read, cook more, spend time with friends and family. Who knows.

If you read my ramblings this far - thank you, you honestly didn’t have to. You don’t really know me, after all. I’m just an avatar that appears on your dash sometimes.

Take care, everyone. Be kind to one another, as well as yourself.

#personal #so long and thanks for all the memes i guess

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authorofemotion · 3 years

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Claire!

Because I know you are huge(at least in my eyes) especially with your whump blog and I know you post original content...

What advice would you give for new blogs/authors for writing original content? I'm thinking about writing some but I think I want to grow my blog before I do. You don't have to answer but I'm always looking for advice to better myself and my writing.

Love you!

hi athena!! I don’t know if i’m going to be the best person to give advice (this blog has ~150 followers and my fandom sideblog has about 30. but my whump blog is doing pretty well!) but I can absolutely try!! Since it got pretty long, I’m putting it under the cut :)

(also this is entirely unrelated but for some reason I’m able to type stuff inside your ask which is whacky. i didn’t do it though lol)

Growth takes time!! I started my blog almost three years ago and I’ve built most of my following in the last year and a half. Hitting your stride takes time and trial and error no matter what, so be aware that even when it doesn’t seem like it, you ARE making progress!!

MAKE FRIENDS!! Seriously, finding your people can help you so much (and you’ve already been doing a great job with that! again, I only made my friends within the last year and a half).

Another great thing to do would be to make an introduction post and tag your favorite content creators! Intro posts go around a lot and that will get people familiar with you and give you a face in the community.

Also, to become familiar to various people, reblog writing you like and RANT IN THE TAGS I SWEAR IT HELPS SO MUCH!! Artists (writers included) don’t get nearly as much interaction as they should simply bc people have stopped reblogging stuff. So a reblog is amazing—but if you put a sentence or two (or a whole paragraph if inclined) in the tags about what you loved, I promise the author will LOVE YOU and almost definitely check out your blog. Sending asks is also really good!

Try to post (at least semi-) regularly. I’m a bad example because my online presence ranges from posting multiple things a day to not writing for three months. BUT! I always see a boost in followers every time I post something new, and, again, if people see your url often enough, they’ll check out your blog and may drop a follow!

TAG TAG TAG TAG TAG!!!! Use AS MANY relevant tags as possible when you post, because people follow tags of things they like to see, and posts that use those tags then show up on their dash, and your content is exposed to new people!

Participate in community events! Yet again, I’m a terrible example of this because I. haven’t yet. However! Events like Whumptober, Whumpmas in July, Summer of Whump (There are non-whump ones Im just painfully oblivious to them) will get you exposed to more people too! You don’t have to do every prompt, lots of people will see your work because they follow the event tags, and the hosting blog will reblog it for their followers too!

Write what you want to! My self-indulgent posts that I think most people won’t like because it appeals to me specifically do really really well a lot of the time! You aren’t alone in really liking the tropes you like, so there 100% will be an audience for what you want to write, you just have to find it.

If you want to write with OCs, write a few things with well-known characters (fanfic) or generic characters (hero/villain, etc) first or alongside it. Being introduced to someone’s blog solely with OCs can be intimidating bc instead of focusing on the writing you’re like “who are you people???” but if you write other things alongside it, people will be introduced to your writing, then may decide to check out your OCs (also if you have them make an intro post for your ocs. it’s really fun)

If a prompt inspires you, fill it in with a reblog!

Also remember (I know from experience) more people will like your posts than reblog. more people will read your posts than will like. not everyone who goes through your blog and reads everything you have will like the posts, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have that audience!

uhhh that’s about all I have. it’s all pretty generic advice but I hope it helps!! LOVE YOU <333

#athena!#claire gets an ask #writing advice #blog advice

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abarbaricyalp · 3 years

Note

Hi! If you're still taking propmpts. SamBucky, sequel to Push All My Buttons. Established Relationship: Sam comes back home to Bucky after Riley gets shot down during a mission and is a complete mess. Bucky comforts him to his best ability.

Friend. Friend. Friend. Why.

This is a sequel to Push All My Buttons. You don't necessarily need to read it to read this. This one is certainly not the same kind of fic.

CW: Severe suicidal ideation, discussions of grief, loss, and trauma, discussions of suicide

Link in the reblog

Excelsior

Bucky had nine months with Sam and Riley before they shipped out with the wings. He and Sam had been sleeping together for that entire time minus three days and they’d been dating for about two weeks less than that. As Riley had always said, ‘When you know, you know. Even if all you know is that they’re an irritating little shit.’ Which is what he thought both Sam and Bucky were, especially together.

It had been a really good nine months.

They shipped out late afternoon on a Saturday and that was a very bad month.

Bucky wasn’t military and Rhodes had left with the project and taken on his duties again elsewhere. Stark, in his own haze of being left alone, did not fill Bucky in on any developments with the wings, if he was even asking Rhodes.

The only thing Bucky got was the occasional phone call or text, in which Sam could barely talk about anything to do with the wings. Well, those and the program Bucky had on his computer. It was just the monitoring datastream for the jetpacks, essentially a condensed readout of what showed up on the wristlets. BPI and vitals of the wearers, elevation, fuel reserves, GPS, temperatures, difficult to decipher radar readings.

Bucky kept up with the readings religiously. He slept in his office space more often than not and scrolled through the information every morning when he did leave. So he was there at 6PM when the reading came screeching in. It was nearly a year to the day that they’d shipped out. It was a Friday. Bucky was actually packing up to go home and shower for once.

The program lost its mind the same way the wristlets would be. EXO-7 Suit 2 had lost all BPI and dropped elevation until… It hit the ground and went off line.

Bucky was pretty sure he passed out because he opened his eyes and he was on the ground, staring up at the fluorescents. There was almost no way to know for sure which pilot was in which suit. Suit 2, the Redwing suit, was usually Riley’s, but there was nothing to say that Sam hadn’t grabbed it that night. It would be about 2.30 in the morning over there. Mission like that could’ve been last minute. Could’ve taken them right out of bed. They could’ve grabbed whatever was closest. And Sam and Riley shared everything down to toothbrushes.

Bucky could comb through the data from the minutes previous. Try to rationalize out the BPI readings and find patterns, but the point of it being Sam and Riley was that they were similar pilots. Their build, their resting heart rate, the way they jumped into action. It was like watching twins move. Their readings weren’t different enough to prove anything, even if Bucky could make his arms and hands work enough to scroll back.

The other suit was still online. It dove halfway down before stopping as the radar lit up with projectiles. Again and again, like a bird dashing into traffic for another’s dead body, Falcon tried to get down to Redwing against enemy fire.

Bucky snatched his computer from its dock and raced to the elevator. His hands were shaking so badly he hit a few numbers below. The elevator went up to 88 and Bucky jabbed the door close button over and over. 89. 90. 91.

Bucky burst out on floor 92, tried not to think about the fact that just looking at elevator buttons had made him start crying, and ran towards Stark’s workstation.

“Call Rhodes!” he shouted and didn’t give a shit about the tears in his voice. “Call Colonel Rhodes right now.”

Stark sprawled upright, having apparently been asleep, and reached for his phone before narrowing his bleary eyes at Bucky.

“Barnes? What’s going on?” he asked.

Bucky set the computer down on a mess of other electronics. “One of...one of… Fuck!” A sob ripped its way out of his throat and he angrily swiped the heel of his hand across his eyes. “One of the suits went down. Someone...someone…”

“Shit,” Stark said and grabbed the phone again. He scrolled through the data reports and flinched which made Bucky snatch the computer back to look at what he was seeing. It was the radar report for Redwing. A large, explosive projectile had been launched into radar zone just before the suit fell. Bucky dropped the laptop and it landed lid first in a box of papers but didn’t shut so he still saw the WARNING WARNING WARN--

“Rhodey,” Stark said. “Rhodey, what’s going on on that end? No, I said I’d stay out of it if-- I don’t care. I’ve got-- Rhodey don’t you--” He fell silent but Bucky could hear Rhodes speaking on the other end. Stark kept shooting glances at Bucky and flinching like he didn’t have control of his body. “Alright. Thank you. That wasn’t so hard. Yeah. Yeah. No, I won’t tell anyone. No, not even Barnes,” he said. “Yes, especially not Barnes.”

He hung up and then looked at Bucky. “I’m not telling you this. It wasn’t Sam.”

Bucky fell back to the ground, catching himself on his knees this time. His arms were too heavy to pick up and the tears were falling even faster now that he knew Sam was okay. Because if Sam was okay that meant that Riley… That meant that Riley… That meant that Riley was wearing the Redwing suit.

Bucky curled into himself on the floor and screamed until his throat went sore. Stark, bless him, did not try to comfort him. He fell forward enough to press his forehead to the tile and shouted again, banged his fists on the floor and then buried them in his hair instead.

He did not go home.

Stark gave Bucky a cot to keep in his office. Bucky learned to live on it while he stared at the computer screen. That night, Sam had given up on getting to the ground and had to retreat. The suit was taken off and it had been quiet since. That did not stop Bucky from staring at it. One night, it pinged a reading--something like 3 PM their time--and Bucky watched the jetpack get taken up into the air. Higher and higher and higher and higher. Higher than he’d ever meant for them to go. High enough that he started to worry for whoever was wearing it. They were running out of oxygen. It better not have been Sam.

Then the wings retracted and the suit plummeted. Bucky nearly knocked his computer over jumping up. There was nothing in the vital readings to suggest the pilot had lost consciousness or suffered any medical episode. They were just falling. And it wasn’t a mechanical malfunction. The wings had been pulled in.

The pilot was letting themselves fall.

It better not be Sam.

Bucky was really going to watch another one die. He was going to see Sam k*** himself.

The pilot opened their wings ten feet before impact and soared back up, looping around one and then landing heavily on the ground.

The wings came back off.

Sam did it four more times, once each night, before the wings came off and stayed off.

That’s when the GPS started to move.

Two days later, Bucky was at an airport.

It had been slightly more than a week since Riley died. Riley died. Riley died. The words were wrong in Bucky’s head. His tongue rejected them without even trying to say it.

Here’s what Bucky knew about Riley. He knew Sam and Riley had known each other since their first tour. He knew that they took their education leave at the same time, went to the same school, and lived together for the three years it took them to get a degree. He knew Riley knew Sam better than Bucky did. He knew Sam had a sister who loved Riley like another brother. He knew Riley loved Sam like his own brother and Sam loved him back.

He knew that in the nine months he and Sam had been dating, he’d really only give himself six, maybe seven of those because Riley got the rest of the time and half time for the months Bucky did claim. He knew Sam called Riley before he called Bucky when he was upset. He knew Riley was such a good fucking guy and so important to Sam that that didn’t even make Bucky jealous.

He knew that Riley didn’t like coffee unless it had been turned into a sweet drink and had whipped cream on it. He knew Riley was from the middle of nowhere and sometimes talked like an obnoxious parody of a cowboy when he was tired or drunk and definitely when he was both. He knew he was a baker. He knew he liked poetry. He kept books in his army bag.

But even if he didn’t know that and nine months worth of other things, the only thing he needed to know was that Sam loved Riley more than he loved breath in his lungs or wings on his back. He loved Riley to the point of giving up concert tickets because Riley got sick and couldn’t go. He loved Riley enough to listen to bad country music in the car. He loved Riley more than he loved sex, if the number of nights he cut out on dates or netflix and chill to pull Riley out of a bad decision was anything to go by.

Sam loved Riley, Riley loved Sam, and Bucky loved Sam so Bucky loved Riley.

And Riley was dead.

Bucky had paced a hole in the floor waiting on Sam. His flight had been delayed three times already and they were two hours past the first arrival time. Energy and despair and hurt thrummed through his body and Bucky couldn’t dispel it no matter how hard he tried. He’d tried to use the gym at the tower. He’d tried to run it off. He’d tried to eat. Tried to not eat. Tried to sleep. Tried to not sleep.

Okay, that one he didn’t need to try to do. He just didn’t sleep.

It remained, locked around his heart and his head.

Sam was coming back on his own. They apparently hadn’t been stationed with a real unit, so there was no one else to send home. Even if they had been with a real unit, Sam was the only one who needed bereavement. So there was no sea of camo or cropped hair to alert Bucky that Sam was coming.

One second he was alone in his grief, the next second Sam was stepping off the elevator. They met halfway across the floor. Bucky was surprised there wasn’t a noise as they crashed together, arms coming around bodies, faces pressed to shoulders, tears escaping again. Sam wasn't in his fatigues or civvies. There was nothing distinctly airforce about him, so they were just two men losing it in each other’s arms and no one knew the depth of it.

Bucky thought about apologizing but there was nothing to apologize for. There were no words to do so anyway. So he just held onto Sam, one hand coming to the back of his head to hold him close. Sam sobbed once, twice, and then collected himself.

Bucky had no idea how long they stood like that. He could’ve stayed for days longer. The hole in his heart was still very much so there. But the luggage turnstile next to them had turned on and off four times and Bucky really wanted to get home and cry in private.

“Baby, let’s go,” he murmured softly, kissing Sam’s chin and then his cheek. “Let’s get you home.”

“I-I-I need to get to our storage unit. I need to-to sort his things,” Sam hiccuped without lifting his head.

“Later. Not right now. You’re coming home with me, alright?”

Sam nodded and wiped his eyes on Bucky’s shoulder. He lifted his head and actually looked at Bucky for the first time all afternoon.

“Hey,” Bucky breathed, brushing his thumb over Sam’s cheek to catch other tears.

Sam held his wrist and kissed his palm. “Hey.” He leaned down to kiss Bucky, tentative at first and then Bucky remembered that he’d thought it was Sam who’d gone down in Redwing for three minutes. He’d watched Sam free fall hundreds of meters to the sand below over and over. He’d almost lost him so many times. And Bucky crashed into him all over again and Sam pushed back. New tears fell, mingling together against their noses and lips and pressed cheeks.

“I can’t lose you,” Sam breathed into Bucky’s mouth. “Not you too.”

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again,” Bucky said.

Sam’s mouth slid off of his, anguish on his face again. His forehead leaned against Bucky’s temple. “He’s gone, Buck. I couldn’t even look for…”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut and saw Falcon dashing through enemy fire. “I know, Sam. I know. You tried.”

“Not hard enough. I saw it on the radar before he did. I was going to call out but I…I didn’t, Buck. I didn’t say anything.”

Bucky had nothing to say to that so he wrapped Sam in his arms again. “Let’s go home, Sam. There’s nothing else we can do here. Just breathe for me. Come on.”

Bucky grabbed Sam’s bag and lead him out of the terminal.

Sam slept on the floor, which was fine by Bucky. Something about how beds were too soft. After a week on a cot, Bucky might’ve thought the same thing. So he shoved his coffee table out of the way and threw all the pillows he owned on the floor and laid down several blankets and they slept on the floor.

Sam barely spoke the next day.

He went through the motions of washing dishes after Bucky made breakfast. It was just cereal, so there was little to clean up. He turned on the TV and let it play a documentary about the oceans. It played all day. Over and over. Bucky was pretty certain he could ask Sam anything about it and Sam wouldn’t be able to answer. He ate barely half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. He read a book of poetry on the floor all afternoon. He ate dinner and Bucky washed the plates.

The second day was much the same, but then Sam was agitated. He flipped through shows and got mad when he couldn’t figure out what to watch. He slammed doors when he left rooms. He threw the pillows and blankets on the couch when he lost his phone, which he hadn’t been answering at all anyway. Bucky had left it plugged in on the arm of the couch. They skipped dinner that night and sat on the couch with the TV off and Sam laid in Bucky’s lap and cried again. They fell asleep like that.

The third day, Sam got up and made breakfast. It was cereal again. Bucky put on music. Sam washed the clothes in his bag. Handed Bucky a beautiful leather bracelet he’d picked up when they’d first landed overseas. Gave him another box and managed to say, “For the birthday he missed,” before he dashed to the bathroom and got sick. Bucky left the box on a bookshelf and went to Sam’s side, rubbing his back and massaging his neck. The gift was a jean and sheepswool jacket. They skipped dinner again.

The fourth day, they sat on the floor, staring at the bare couch. Bucky got tired of counting how many buttons had gone missing, so he said, “You have to talk about it.”

Sam choked but didn’t run for the bathroom. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sam, you can’t keep it bottled up. Listen, after I got back from…”

“You wanna talk about things we should talk about: how’d you lose your arm, Bucky?”

“This isn’t about me. And I was just about to tell you that when I got back from my mission, I had to do a shit ton of therapy. And I hated it. And it took me a really long time to start being honest, but once I did, it helped me recover more than getting a new arm did.”

“How’d you lose your arm?”

“I saw him go down. I saw all the readings.”

“That’s not the same thing. I watched my best friend…” Sam gagged again and brought his hands up to his mouth. Tears filled his eyes and Bucky was sure it was a combination of getting sick and being upset. “I watched him die. I don’t know why I even thought I could find a body. I could… Fucking pieces if I’d gotten to the ground. That would’ve been it.” Bucky flinched and Sam zeroed in on it. “That what you wanted to hear, Barnes? Is that what I needed to say to heal myself? My best friend is dead. Maybe his body could be cold before you ask me to fix myself.”

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. “That’s not what I was saying, Sam. Don’t attack me. I’m on your side.”

Sam stood suddenly, swayed on his feet, then found his balance. “I’m going to shower. Please just...give me time to myself right now.”

Bucky dropped his head to the couch.

The fifth day, they were both called into Stark Tower by Rhodes.

It was too early, Bucky thought, to ask Sam to do more debrief. It was too early to ask him to face the world. Bucky had laid on his sister’s couch for two weeks before he could so much as answer the door when he got back.

Sam was in a mood again. Actually, the mood hadn’t ever lessened from the afternoon before. It was back to the silent treatment and if Bucky did push him to say something, he’d be cruel and biting, over descriptive and intentionally mean. Nothing at all like Sam. Or maybe, just like him. This was, after all, Sam at his lowest. How was Bucky to know what that looked like? The only man who could’ve told him was dead.

Bucky had called ahead and had two of the strongest, plainest black coffees waiting in the lobby of Stark Tower for him and Sam. Anything that wouldn’t smell like Riley. They got into the elevator alone and Bucky passed Sam one of the coffees. The doors closed and before Sam could reach over and choose floor 92, Bucky selected 2 - 91.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Sam asked. It could’ve been a snarl if the day hadn’t already been so long. If they hadn’t already argued about Bucky wearing the jacket Riley had given him. If Sam hadn’t knocked a glass off the coffee table and shattered it on accident then cut his fingers picking up shards. If Bucky hadn’t slept in his bed like a normal person.

“We have to talk,” Bucky said.

“I don’t...fucking want to talk,” Sam said, trying to double click the floors like something said would unhighlight them. It didn’t. The doors opened on the second floor.

The doors shut. “I saw what you did the days after Riley died.”

“Don’t fucking say that,” Sam snapped, like he hadn’t told Bucky this morning about the blood that had been on his suit when he landed.

“I saw you free fall. Over and over. I watched that, Sam.”

Sam’s jaw steeled and he stared at his reflection in the stainless steel siding. “I free fall all the time. It’s one of the things we learn how to do.”

“Not like that, Wilson. You went into the fucking atmosphere. There’s no telling what the wings would have done at the speeds you were clocking.”

Sam’s mouth remained a straight line.

“You could’ve died,” Bucky said to get it out there.

“Good,” Sam said, ripping off the bandaid.

The doors opened on the fifth floor. “Don’t,” they both said to the woman who tried to step in.

“I’m still here,” Bucky said.

“I know. And I’m sorry I did that. I’m sorry I felt that way. I’m sorry I still feel that way. I can’t make myself stop.”

Bucky swallowed hard and rubbed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “Sam...I tried too, alright? You don’t… I haven’t told you the whole story about my discharge and I will one day. This isn’t the day for that. But my story isn’t clean. Not even close. And I tried it too. I thought that’d be a lot simpler than the bullshit I was about to go through. I thought it’d be a justice for the people involved in my story.”

Sam looked at Bucky sharply, eyes red, tears wet on his cheeks.

“It wouldn’t’ve been. So I need you to tell me what’s going on and how we can fix this.”

Slowly, the fight seeped out of Sam’s shoulders. Common ground at last. A shock to his system. A bitter, bitter win for Bucky for the time being. Sam sank down and stared at his coffee cup. “I’ve known Riley for over a decade. More than anyone else in my life who ain’t blood.”

Bucky sat beside him. The elevator stopped on three floors.

“I’ve known him for a third of my life. The first serious third. I think I grew up more with him than anyone I went to school with. I’ve never had to do this on my own. He was always right next to me. I haven’t made a decision without asking him since I decided to sign up.”

“So, poor track record of making your own decisions,” Bucky joked softly.

“I was going to let myself do it,” Sam whispered then. “I wasn’t going to pull the wings back out.” Bucky’s heart went cold and still in his chest before roaring back to life. “I’m sorry you could see the readings. I didn’t know that.”

“I’m not upset I saw it. I’m upset that you felt the need to do it.”

Sam looked over at him. “Sure, but let me ask, what stopped you from following through?”

Bucky stomach twisted painfully. It was his turn to get nauseous. “I didn’t want my sister to find me. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”

Sam nodded. “If I know you might be watching those readings, I won’t be able to do it again.”

Bucky nodded and brought the coffee to his lips. It scorched his mouth and throat and he didn’t taste it all but the point wasn’t the taste. The doors opened on the seventeenth floor.

“We’re going up,” Sam said in a quiet voice.

The doors closed.

“He was my friend too,” Bucky said, voice raw. “You can talk to me about him.”

“I know that. I’m just not in the sharing mood right now.”

The doors opened. Closed. Opened. Closed. Opened. Closed.

“I fell off a train,” Bucky said. “I told you my SpecOps mission was in the mountains. I was knocked out of a moving train going around the side of a mountain and I… I’m not really sure how it happened. I might’ve reached out for the cliff face. I might’ve just hit it on the way down. I didn’t have my arm when I woke up on the ground.”

“Well, shit, maybe a bear ate it while you were out.”

“Nah, the doctors said it was too smooth. It was ripped off all at once.”

Sam flinched and then closed his eyes.

“I actually had a little bit left. I dunno, half of my upper arm, maybe. It was removed later. So, I guess it wasn’t that smooth and pretty. You know what I remember most?”

Sam hummed without lifting his head.

“I remember the jacket I was wearing. We’d been undercover when we were called into action. I was wearing a beautiful jacket that I’d picked up somewhere when the mission was still an adventure and not a nightmare. And I remember laying in the snow, looking at all that blood and my missing arm and being upset that my jacket had been ruined.”

Sam snorted and then lost the battle against sobs again. He set the coffee aside and moved over to hug Bucky, crying into his shoulder. Bucky wrapped his arms around Sam and kissed his hair. “We’re gonna get through this, Sam. You’ve just gotta trust me to hold you up. And you’ve gotta trust me to be on your side. I’m not gonna say shit to make you follow the rules or whatever. I’m gonna say shit that helped me, rules be damned.”

“I miss him so much. It’s only been five days. How am I supposed to go seventy more years without him? I’ve called his number a hundred times already and no one ever picks up.”

Bucky rubbed Sam’s back and nodded. “I know, baby. C’mere.” He pulled Sam more into his lap. Sam clutched at his shirt with trembling fingers “I’m gonna be right here. You don’t have to do this alone.”

“I feel so fucking alone.”

“You’re not, Sam. I’m right here. I’m with you.”

Sam pressed his face further against Bucky’s neck and Bucky felt his tears, cool and heartbreaking. He didn’t have words. He just kept rubbing his hands over Sam’s back, kissing his temple and his hair and saying, “I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” Hoping Sam would hear him through his grief and believe it.

He held him for forty more floors and they cried together. The elevator continued ever upwards. They pushed forward ever onwards.

“I’m right here,” Bucky said as the doors opened on floor 92. Sam nodded against his shoulder and slowly stood up.

Upwards and onwards.

#sambucky #sambucky fanfic #sambucky fanfiction #sam wilson #bucky barnes #the falcon and the winter soldier #the falcon #winter soldier #captain america #writing #i answer things

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shortprince-cos · 4 years

Text

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: Virgil tries to take advice, but apparently he's not good at that either. Also, dash of Patton angst.

Warnings: Swearing, slight panic. Tell me if I need to add anything else!

{Masterlist} {Previous}

Chapter 3: Emotional Support Friend

~~~~~

Virgil was nervous as hell.

He was going to talk to someone he barely knows, vent about two guys, and ask for some kind of advice. Why? Because Virgil has no friends and is desperate for help.

Virgil walked into art class with his hands shoved far into the void that is his pockets. He saw Patton Hart sitting in his usual seat, right next to Virgil's.

With a deep breath, Virgil sat down next to Patton.

"Hey Virgil! ...You ok?" Oh god, was it that obvious?

"Oh- um..." Virgil tried to think of some kind of lie, but he knew he needed help with this situation, and Patton was the only option he had. "You want the honest answer?"

Patton looked a little concerned, but put on a soft smile for Virgil. "Of course! Whatever you need to talk about, I'm always right here, ok?"

God, how was Patton this supportive to someone he barely knows?

Virgil held his head in his hands, which were propped on the desk, and took a deep breath before continuing. "I need...advice, and you're really the only person I can go to right now. I know that sounds pathetic, but my parents would get overly excited and my only friend is part of the problem, so...?"

Patton looked surprised, but still comforting and supportive. "Oh! Well, what do you need advice on?"

Virgil sighed again. "There's-" The school bell always had the worst timing. Virgil let his head fall to his desk.

"Virge, we can talk at lunch if you still need it?"

"Yes please."

---

The first three periods flew by pretty fast, much to Virgil's relief.

Virgil took a quick scan of the lunchroom to see Patton enthusiastically waving at him from across the cafeteria. One part of him was embarrassed of all the people that could see that, though, he didn't know why he would be embarrassed. Another part of him was happy that someone treated him like a best friend that they'd had for years. It was welcoming.

That's how he would describe Patton! Someone who was welcoming of almost anyone, like a human version of 'home'.

He walked over to Patton's lunch table to find that Patton was sitting alone. Virgil always thought that Patton would be the one that everyone would want to hang around with, but turns out that maybe he was wrong.

Maybe that's why Patton was always so friendly. He was trying to make a friend too.

Virgil sat down next to Patton and opened his lunch box, eating and hoping to prolong the inevitable conversation. Patton seemed to pick up on this and started eating his lunch as well.

After a couple minutes of comfortable silence -well, as silent as a full lunchroom could be- then Virgil decided that he should probably talk about what he came here to talk about.

"So...I guess I need advice on..." Virgil took another deep breath. "Two guys."

"As in, they're mean to you, or, you have a crush on them?"

Virgil groaned, then buried his head in his arms, almost becoming one with the table. "Crush."

"Aww Virgil! That's great! Who are they?"

Virgil brought his head back up to look at Patton. "No, it's terrible! I...I only have a crush on one, but he has a boyfriend already, and the other guy asked me on a date, and I said 'YES' FOR SOME REASON!"

"Oh. So...you're stuck with a boy you don't want to be with?" Patton questioned with concerned eyes.

Virgil thought for a moment. "Well...Roman isn't that bad, but, I feel like I'm kind of 'betraying' Princey, if you get what I mean."

"...Princey?" Oh crap. Now Virgil would have to tell Patton that he has a crush on someone he met online and Patton would think he's a friendless weirdo and he would hate him and Virgil would never have a real life friend and he won't help Virgil with his problem and-

"Virgil, breathe for me." Patton had put a hand on Virgil's in an attempt to calm him down, and it was working.

Virgil got his breathing under control and looked back at Patton, instead of the table that he had been staring at for who knows how long. "Sorry."

"Hey, it's ok! It's my fault for asking, I'm the one who should be saying sorry. So, sorry." Patton looked a little guilty, clearly feeling bad for asking about Princey.

"Thanks, Pat. But I guess I owe you some kind of explanation." Virgil hesitated before deciding to continue. "Princey...is my online friend. I also have a crush on him. I know it sounds weird but-"

“Virge, before you continue, please only tell me if you want to! I would hate you to regret this later, and you don’t owe me anything kiddo! I’m your friend, not your bookie.”

Virgil took another breath, weighing his options. "Ok."

So, Virgil told him everything. Well, not everything, but most of his strange situation.

---

He walked into theatre class and prayed that Roman wouldn't be there for whatever reason. But, of course, Roman was there. Wonderful.

Roman was talking to some other actors in the corner of the room, clearly in his element.

The room was actually called 'The black box' because the walls were painted black, and for whatever other reasons the theatre industry decided to call it that. In the center of the room had a circle of chairs instead of desks, probably so moving them for theatre warm ups would be easier.

Virgil quickly put his hood up to avoid being spotted by Roman, and sat facing the opposite direction.

Eventually, the bell rung, and class began.

In the corner of his eye, he saw someone with a white jean jacket sit down next to him. The jacket was basically non-existent thanks to the many patches covering most of it, and Virgil realized that he had definitely seen this jacket before.

Crap.

"Hey, Virgil! How are you?" Roman asked casually, smiling wide. God, stop being so cute!

Wait, 'cute'?!

"I'm...fine." Very convincing. "You?"

Roman immediately brightened. "I'm amazing! The cast list for the musical is being announced today, and I'm fairly certain that I got the lead!" Roman practically bounced in his seat while explaining; clearly excited about the news.

Of course, Virgil knew that Roman would get the lead -he's gotten every lead since freshman year- but that didn't stop the small smile that spread on Virgil's face when he saw how Roman basically glowed with anticipation.

'No, stop. Don't get excited. We're breaking his heart today, remember?' He told himself.

Virgil swallowed down the guilt that was creeping up in his throat. Or maybe that was vomit. "Roman...about the date tomorrow?" Virgil started, already wincing at the thought of breaking this poor boy's heart.

Roman lit up again. "Yeah?"

Virgil was about to open his mouth when the teacher decided to start the class, splitting the techs and the actors.

Virgil was mortified. Today is Friday, meaning the date was tomorrow, meaning he just lost his only chance today to cancel the date.

He had to go on the date. Oh god.

Fourth period was long over by the time Virgil had gotten his thoughts in order. He needed an actual plan. He couldn't go through with the date. No way. He didn't want to lead Roman on, but he also didn't want to break his heart.

Oh god, what should he do?

Patton. He needed to talk to Patton again. Or else he just might explode.

~~~~~

{Next}

What is this, round two of Virgil panicking his way through planning canceling his date? Guess we'll have to wait till next week to see round three!

Edit: FORGOT TO THANK @foreverfangirlalways FOR HELP WITH SOME OF THE DIALOG!

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #kawaiikat54 fic #ts virgil #virgil sanders #ts roman #roman sanders #ts patton #patton sanders #prinxiety fic #prinxiety #twoae fic #the woes of an emo fic

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oldguardhc · 4 years

Text

Old Guard hc #67

Prompt number: 26 - “How about you trust me for once?”

Fandom: The Old Guard

Rating: PG-13

Warnings/Tags: Crack

Summary: Nile takes them to Pride.

AN: For @spookyvoidangelskeleton, thank you for always liking and reblogging my stuff. This is definitely more cracky than normal, so heads up.

“We’re going to go somewhere fun,” Nile promises, taking a left at the light. She read online that there was a good parking garage a couple of blocks away from the parade and that the walk was totally worth the price. Even though her eyes are on the road, she can feel them trading glances behind her back. “How about you guys trust me for once?”

“The last time we trusted you, we got banned,” Joe reminds her, and okay, that’s fair. But in her defense, she didn’t think Nicky would actually punch the guy!

“Wait-what?” Quynh asks, sticking her head in the middle. “Where did you guys get banned from?”

Nile pushes her head back. “Put your seatbelt on. We’re going to get pulled over, and I’m sure as hell not paying for that ticket,” Nile says, and oh god, she’s turning into her mother.

“You guys got banned from somewhere in the seven months I was exiled?” Booker asks.

“Technically, only Nicky is banned,” Joe says, turning around to grin at his husband. “He was my hero.”

“Yes, a true hero,” Andy sarcastically drawls, dodging Joe’s swat. He hits Booker instead and gets a very offended ‘hey!’ in response.

Quynh sticks her head back in the middle, and Nile sighs. If they crash, Quynh’s just going to have to suck it up and deal with the pain of healing. “I understand how you feel now. I don’t like it.”

“How I feel?”

“Yes, being out of the loop. Very annoying.”

Nile huffs, a wry smile stretching her lips. “Welcome to Initiation, it lasts a good fifty years.” Nile doesn’t have to turn around to know Quynh is scrunching her face up, the one that tells the world just how displeased she is.

“Is no one going to tell us where you guys are banned from?” Booker loudly asks, interrupting the intense bickering match between Andy and Joe.

“No!” Andy and Joe shout as one before resuming their little love spat.

Nile briefly makes eye contact with Nicky through the rearview mirror. He looks far too amused with everything going on. “Sorry, Quynh and Booker. You must be a level 8 to unlock the list of places we’re banned from,” Nile says, grinning ear to ear. “Ow! No pinching the driver, Quynh!”

“The driver was being a bitch and deserved it.”

Never let it be said that Quynh was a slow learner. That woman picked up curse words faster than a cheetah on speed.

It takes ten more minutes to pull into the garage. It’s the ten most painful minutes Nile has ever lived through. She almost turns the car around, but that would mean another fifty minutes, and she’s not strong enough for that.

“Oh! Is there some festival going on?” Joe asks as a gaggle of people walk past their car. They’re all in bright shirts that have a rainbow on them, and they’re carrying several signs as well. “I forget what it’s called, but it’s for gay people.”

Nile pulls into a spot. “Pride Parade,” Nile answers.

“Yeah! We should go after we get banned from wherever we’re going!” Suggest a haunted house once, get banned, and no one will let go of it. How was she supposed to know that Nicky’s reaction to Joe screaming would be to turn feral?

Nile turns the car off and looks at her passengers. “Surprise! We’re going to Pride!” She looks at Nicky. “Please don’t get us banned. I don’t know how that would even happen, but please don’t get us banned.”

Nicky smiles. “I can make no promises, but I will try hard not to.” That’s good enough for Nile!

“We’re not appropriately dressed,” Quynh says, watching as another group passed their car. “We need more colors.”

Nile scoffs. “I prepared, honey. Everything is in the trunk.”

By the time they get to the parade, it’s just starting. There are more than a hundred thousand people lined up on the streets, all buzzing with infectious energy, cheering on the people in the middle.

“Dykes on Bikes?” Quyhn asks, pointing to a group of women riding motorcycles. “Are there Dykes on Horses?”

Andy wraps an arm around Quynh’s waist. “People these days don’t value horses.”

“They’re wrong. But, okay.” Everyone but Nile nods in agreement.

Before this can turn into another horses-are-great rant, Nile gets their attention with a wave of her hand. “Let’s get drinks, and then we can enjoy the parade.”

“I’ll go with you. They can stay here,” Booker says, sidestepping around Joe. “They don’t get to see this very often.”

“Cool, any requests?”

“Something sweet,” Joe says.

Darn, she can’t bring a bottle of tequila back. What are they going to drink now?

“Colorful,” Nicky adds.

“Anything is fine,” Andy says, and Quynh nods.

“Alright, I can do sweet and colorful. You guys stay here; come on, Book.”

They find a frozen daiquiri bar towards the middle. It’s absolutely swamped. The ten frazzled employees are dashing around like headless chickens to fill cup after cup as fast as they can. Of course, Nile and Booker choose this one.

“Hi, what can I get you?” The cashier asks once they’re at the front.

“Six monster yards pride drinks,” Booker orders, handing over his card.

“That’ll be $134.86, thank you. Can I say, it’s very nice of you to support your daughter.”

Nile stares at the guy and then promptly bursts into laughter. Oh my god. This is definitely the best day she’s had in years. Booker is looking at the cashier like he lost his damned mind.

“I-I’m sorry, I just thought-I’ll get your drink,” the cashier says, cheeks a bright red.

“I don’t look that old,” Booker touches his face, lingering on the wrinkles on his forehead. “Do I?”

“You are old!” Nile reminds him, swatting his hand away from his face.

“Your drinks,” the cashier says, putting them all on the counter. “Thank you for stopping by, and I’m sorry again for the rude comment.”

Nile waves him off and picks up three drinks. “Thanks! Now, come on, Dad.”

The other’s eyes widen when they see them with their drinks. It’s understandable, the cups were only 48 oz, but instead of building the cups wider, they went taller.

“They didn’t have anything bigger?” Nicky asks, relieving Nile of two of the drinks. He hands one to Joe.

“They were all out of kegs,” Nile responds. “Hope it meets your colorful criteria.”

Nicky looks down at his bright, rainbow-themed drink and his lips quirk up at the corners. “I think this will do.”

“These are amazing!” Quynh exclaims, taking another sip of her drink. Almost half of it is gone already. “You gotta get more!”

“Wow,” Andy says once she swallows her first sip. “These are good.”

“Nicky and I will get the next round,” Joe pipes up, and holy crap. There are only a couple more sips left in his cup.

Have these people never drank a frozen daiquiri before? Or a spiked slushy?

“That’s fine by me,” Booker says, glaring at his drink.

“What happened to you?” Joe asks.

“He’s upset that the cashier thought he was my dad,” Nile answers.

Joe laughs with delight, letting Booker shove him. “Nicky and I are definitely going back then. Have to support local businesses, you know?”

They have a great time. Nile doesn’t think she’s ever seen them all so loose in a public setting before. Joe’s tucked neatly under Nicky’s arm, tangling his fingers with the hand he’s currently under. Andy is standing behind Quynh, both arms wrapped around her neck, chin hooked on her shoulder.

Booker and her end up going back to get the second round. The third too. Nile taps out after that, she has to drive, and she hasn’t exactly been testing her alcohol metabolism rate.

As they’re leaving, Quynh lets out a shriek and runs across the street. Several heads turn her way, and they all watch as Quynh skids to a halt in front of an animal shelter tent.

“A dog!” Joe excitedly says, jogging over to join Quynh.

“Dios,” Nicky mutters, stalking after his husband.

“We’re getting a dog,” Booker sighs and finishes the last of his drink. “There’s going to be shit everywhere.”

“You don’t think Nicky is enough?” Nile asks.

“No,” Andy answers, crossing her arms. “He’s going to fold.”

Nile turns to look at her. “Why aren’t you getting your wife?”

“She’s more than that.” Nile rolls her eyes. “But if I go over, we’re getting more than one dog.”

“You like dogs?”

“She likes pussy,” Booker says and laughs when Andy smacks his arm. “I hope they don’t get a puppy.”

“God, those things yap,” Andy takes another sip of her drink. “They better not get a small dog.”

Nile looks across the street. As Andy said, Nicky has definitely lost the argument. They’re all petting the puppies, and man, Nile really hopes she doesn’t get a million dollars. How awful that would be.

Five minutes later, Quynh and Joe come skipping back, a puppy in each of their arms. Nicky is carrying some papers as well as two leashes.

Quynh holds the puppy out to them. “This is Max, and that’s Ollie! They’re Australian Shepherds!”

Nile pets Max; she’s not a monster and looks up at Nicky. “You’re weak.”

Nicky sighs. “I know.”

#the old guard #joe x nicky #nile freeman #andromache x quynh #fictober20 #booker #hc

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patriciavetinari · 3 years

Text

That great "disney made marvel proto-fascist and normative" made me think about another inportant cultural juggernaut that usually gets completely left out of the conversation about culture influencing minds and especially children. Can you guess who it is? That's right: Mattel.

I've seen absurd posts on my dash reblogged by cherished mutuals about how b*rbie is now progressive and supports lgbt and disabled people. I cannot fathom how people do not see that Mattel is doing the same fucking thing corporations do every Pride Month and provides no large scale, meaningful change in the toy market and toy culture, a change that it could provide by taking risks and actually standing up for the values it claims it now supports.

Now I myself got blocked a while ago by multiple mattel bootlicker blogs for claiming their fave is still perpetuating fatphobia and rigid heteronormative standards with its dolls and, fantastically, the counter-argument was that matter indeed is progressive because it's done different skintones and actually different body shapes and put a few dolls in wheelchairs. Those are not mutually exclusive?

Now, as a disclaimer, I am not arguing those changes are not meaningful to people and children who see some sort of representation, I am arguing, that those changes are crumbs that still make more noise in the press than in actual store.

Walk into actual toy store of your city right now, look at the selection. If you live in a huge city - ignore this, because that's where the noise in the press is coming from. In and average non instagrammable town in US or here in EU, even in cities with a huge variety in population you will not find the representation (of either skintones, disability or body shapes) mattel keeps boasting about on their websites and press-relises.

Is a professional photographer posing two female-presenting dolls onto same doll couch, taking a photo and adding a title "love wins" represending wlw, lesbians, bisexuals or anything at all really? Is it really the representation we are happy with or is it just another fucking act of pandering? Do those two dolls come in one package as a set, with a story for a child to read and learn and shape their worldview?

No.

If you walk into a toy store and ask for the "lgbt barbie" will the store clerk even know what the fuck you are talking about? Do press relises even reach them? The taking no risks other than cheap meaningless gestures is the same strategy that disney uses with marvel. We all joke about being disneys first openly gay character but I've seen at least two posts about barbie's open coming out, or the first lgbt barbie doll or whatever. Has it changed the industry? Has it sparked a conversation? In the media - definitely, but is it reaching children? No, it's not. Sesame street is communicating diversity to children and vehemently standing by it on social media, not fucking mattel. And sesame street is by no means perfect, but I'm fucking baffled anyone would look at the blonde blue eyed sickly thin doll with a face full of makeup and mascot color being pink-for-girls and claiming fucking progress.

Any fucking argument that it secretly is progressive is falling apart under slightest pressure.

Oh but they made astronaut barbie 50 years ago!!! Yeah? So why haven't they fucking progressed since then? Why is it that in a standard store nowadays filled with toy princesses, ballerinas and fucking fashionistas? Why is there no space station dollhouse or spaceship? To be fair, ocassionally I will see a vet barbie. Ocassionally. And she is always white blonde standard.

But the plus sized barbie!!!! "Plus" sized doll, scaled up to human size, is representatice of size S, smaller than average in US. The bar is that low. The clothes of plus sized barbie are made to also fit the tall and thin barbie. Clothes of plus size representation are made to fit thin representing dolls as well. Is this a joke? Plus, even if anyone would be happy with this crumb, there a no plus sized princess barbies, or vet barbies, or bride barbies, or equestrian barbies, and of course no plus sized astronaut or president barbies.

The message being sent here is thin white people can be anything they want up to astronaut and president, but plus sized people are just there and should be happy anyone even bothered to bring them into the room.

Is barbie still associates with conservative view on women and feminity? Absolutely. The white, blue eyed, blonde mascot with pink lipstick and white teeth is still the main character, the ideal, the idol and the icon. There are still more princesses, fairies, mermaids, fashionistas than any other profession, pink is still the main color, milquetoast safety and docile domesticity is still the story. Somewhere in the background you can order a doll with different skintone, or even with skin condition, or a size S representing doll instead of XS and a plastic wheelchair. Those are still somewhere in the back, online only, depending on availability.

Another way mattel is exactly like disney is the monopoly. You've heard of the bigger conflicts like mattel vs bratz, but answer me this, are you aware of any other dolls brand that would be available if you actually wanted something different? If you walk into a toy store, is there anything but mattel? The answer is no. You know why? Because they want the liberals to be happy with couple of meaningless gestures and for the conservatives to still be able to view barbie as the representation of a classic model of a fashion and thinness obsessed ideal for their conservative girls to follow. And for everyone to consume their products. They can choke out any competition that would attempt anything different.

Just as disney, mattel could take a lead in changing the landscape of toy market in a meaningful way. It can afford to rebrand, to openly work towards gender neutrality in their dolls and marketing, they could actually diversify their selections not just in a couple of big city stores but to make sure their message reaches children in the remote areas. Children don't read press-relises. The only reason mattel is not doing this is also the same as disney - they are family friendly, marketable, an option for both liberals and coservatives. This tells you everything you need to know about a billion dollar industry.

In a small town you are unlikely to find a black plus sized astronaut barbie but we must, we fucking have to ask ourselves, why is the thin blonde princess in a pink dress always available.

#long post #mattel #barbie is not progressive #stop with the fucking museum date barbie

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fantranslatorbychoice · 4 years

Text

Kakuriyo no Yadomeshi Volume 6 Intermission 3 - Kasuga and O-ryo

T/N: Yep, it’s a double premiere guys, I hope you all enjoy. =)

As always, if you like this translation, you can heart it, share the link, reblog, I just respectfully ask that DO NOT REPOST ELSEWHERE. This is my contribution to the scant English content of this fandom, and I worked really hard to finish this thing, it’s not like I just copy-pasted everything. I even had to build the kanji in Jisho one by one. Try it and you’ll see what I mean.You can rave about this, rant about this, reply, etc. but if possible please link back to this page. If you’re unsure how to do that, just copy the web address of this page. If you’re on a blogsite just insert the web address as a hyperlink as a link back to here. Honestly if this light novel was officially-published in English, I wouldn’t even be doing this right now... And if it did, I’d take this offline to support the publishers and Yuuma-sensei. Creators support creators, is what I believe in. I’ll prolly do 1-5 once 6-10 has been done, or however long I can manage to translate the raw texts, it can take a toll at times. As previously-mentioned in earlier chapters, if you stumbled upon this one, the two seasons of the anime covered volumes 1-5, so other than the extra details, you didn’t miss much stuff.

No spoilers lol

P261 "Hmph. You're the newly-hired kid? Really, you're named Kasuga? Aren't you a stumpy little tanuki-girl? I am O-ryo, the future Wakaokami. I'll train you under me, and I'll be sure to drill the job of being a waitress into your head."

I remember well, the day that I first met O-ryo sama. I am Kasuga, a Bunmon Tanuki, while still a child was chased off from my home by my Hachiyo Baba-sama to experience the outside world, and along with my uncle Chiaki who also has nowhere else to go, we inquired in, and started working in Tenjin-ya. It was that first day. That person who called me stumpy, has hair and skin as white as snow, it was the conspicuously beautiful snow lady. Her personality is of someone who hates losing. She was a selfish Sempai, but has an indomitable and strong willpower to rise to the top, and I thought that surprisingly, I have come to like this person. As such, in order to gain her dream position of Wakaokami, she exerted herself no matter what it took. P262 A woman who fights her battles to win. I came to her side and I recorded her heroic battles, and I wrote about it in my diary.

"Hey.... Hey, why are you asking something while falling asleep, Kasuga-kun, HEY!" "Whaaaa~" In the middle of talking about something regarding a Hachiyo's marriage at great length, sitting on my heels I was nodding off to sleep. Since early morning I have been with Aoi-chan, and I have been going about here and there. I was feeling confident. I was dozing off in front of Byakuya-sama. Is Byakuya-sama angry or is he surprised? "Good grief. You're a reliable and shrewd girl girl, and I think that it's beyond expectations that you're going to get married to a Hachiyo... yet I am worried that they'll find faults on you. That is a position that has many enemies, do you understand? "Yeah, I get it. I have watched Aoi-chan for a long time. But Aoi-chan is awesome... Even though she's in a disadvantage, she was aware of her own strengths. Furthermore, in Tenjin-ya, when Aoi-chan gets married to Odanna-sama, isn't there anyone who grumbles about it?" "Hmmm. in that case, isn't that a problem? Because nobody's complaining, probably there's a group that's P263 thinking about rubbing her out of existence." "That point, I am fine with that. I plan to not make enemies with my demeanor, an incomptetent person making a blunder. Well, at any rate, from the very start I have been incompetent." "..." Byakuya-sama narrowed his eyes, and with a snap hit the corner of his mouth with his fan. I thought that he was going to say something but, he just scolded me and released me after saying "You can go now" . Wahh, after standing up from sitting on my feet, they fell asleep and started tingling painfully... Holding the Maneki-neko** coin bank, I planned to go back to Yugao. Along the way, the waitresses looked over here, and started gossiping and whispering to each other. Up until now the friends that were calling me in carefree voices, and the sempai that used to fiddle with and pushed me around, now they pass sideways, and bow their heads subserviently, and flees anywhere. Oh well, I could understand why they became like that but... I come in contact with the management staff that were like Shizuna-chan and they are normally composed, but I'm a normal girl, aren't I? I feel like I'm a sore thumb sicking out. "Kasuga, Kasuga" "...Chiaki" From the other side of the hallway, peeping over here looking worried, it was my uncle, the tanuki. T/N: Maneki-neko, the beckoning cat, famously known for bringing in luck. It's said that it was originally named after a cat that waved to a monk to go inside a shrine and the monk almost got struck by lightning or something, so it was a lucky omen. P264 He approached while calling for me. "What is it, from now onwards I'm helping out at Yugao." "It's not that, you were called for by Byakuya-sama, and I got worried somewhat." "It's nothing. It's just that I'm developing a souvenir product with Aoi-chan." "Why you, aren't you scowling at me?" "Why, my relative shouldn't speak about me flippantly." He isn't necessarily overprotective and he wasn't saying anything like that, but ever since the old days Chiaki has been worrying about me. He's just a nice and charming person who took care of me, and he always looks after those that are just like me. Though I'm already fine, even at this age he still worries about me... "Chiaki aren't you staying behind here in Tenjin-ya?" "Yep. I'll continue working here. Even though I was thinking of coming along with you." "It's fine, it's nothing. I've always been taken care of by uncle, I cannot function properly being a Hachiyo's wife." "...Kasuga" His eyes gloomily welling up, holding down the corner of his eyes, Chiaki went "That tiny Kasuga has grown to be praise-worthy" "Ahhh stop it already, don't be gloomy.. Get over it." Shh... Uncle you're annoying. P265 While being paid extra care, I could feel myself fading away. Our relationship, even though we are family, here we cannot become too overly-familiar. The love that tanuki give to each other are the strongest among Ayakashi, as such they aren't entrusted to to other people, which makes tanuki unaware about so many things such as getting close to and connecting with strangers. Those people, now matter how much we studied them, we couldn't find them... With regards to those, I thought I learned those in Tenjin-ya.

"Oh.." In front of the passageway that connects the door to Yugao, there is someone who is sneakily peeping in. Isn't that... "O-ryo sama, what are you doing over that place?" "Kyaaa!" O-ryo sama jumped up suprised. With a sluggish expression, she slowly looked back. Opening her mouth as if about to talk, hesitatingly, she made a weird face by sticking her lower lip out. "H-hmph." In the end, O-ryo sama took her leave without saying anything. P266 I slightly tugged on O-ryo sama's sleeves. "What now?" O-ryo sama icily stared down at me with that severe gaze. Oh well, I've been used to that gaze. "Uhm, I believe so, that O-ryo sama will likely aim to be Wakaokami again." ".... what?" "Within Tenjin-ya, there's something that only O-ryo sama can surely do." Pulling my hands immediately from the hem, I madly dashed towards the inner garden where Yugao was. The O-ryo sama who was aiming to be Wakaokami. And the one who made her dream come true, the O-ryo sama that became Wakaokami. To me, O-ryo sama is dazzling, despite the many enemies she makes, being hated by her colleagues, being gutsy and only wants to rise up into the world. The one I adored. After doing so many different things, O-ryo sama eventually became demoted from Wakaokami, and yet... When O-ryo sama becomes Wakaokami once again. Truly, I support that from the sidelines..

End of Intermission 3, Volume 6. Previous - Chapter 8 Next - Chapter 9

References:

Wonderful site for the youkai references

Other stuff I used to do this: Kodansha Kanji Learner’s Dictionary (you can buy here, I’m not sponsored btw). I was about to buy the older edition but then the newer one came out 2013 so I bought that instead. Worth buying since I was able to find nearly all of the words I needed just by stroke pattern alone.

Merriam-Webster's Japanese-English Dictionary (the red-covered 1996 version is apparently out of print right now). This is what I have been using for a very long time, I bought it when I was still a fetus (yes I am old so what lol), and after so many years, when compared to newer editions, I still prefer this one since its entirety is Japanese-English, the English to Japanese gloss are just 16 pages tops, so you get more Japanese words for your buck. But that’s just my opinion, maybe other people prefer the Jap-En x En-Jap IDEK.

Basic online dictionary, Jisho. Knowledge of verb conjugations and other words are necessary since not all have entries.

If you can read Japanese, you can buy the whole set in Amazon Japan, they’re shipping worldwide now, I think.

#kakuriyo no yadomeshi #kakuriyo no yadomeshi light novel #kakuriyo no yadomeshi english translation #kakuriyo no yadomeshi english fan translation #kakuriyo no yadomeshi light novel english #kakuriyo no yadomeshi volume 6 intermission 3

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shijiujun · 3 years

Note

this is very random but i’m feeling kind of frustrated/confused now and i truly regard you as fandom jiejie so i would like to rant a bit and seek your advice(?) recently, i found out that i got blocked by another tumblr that’s quite popular in the cql fandom for creating gifs etc. i don’t know who the person is and have never interacted with the blog; i only found out because i couldn’t reblog the person’s post (which i saw on my feed because someone i followed reblogged it). i was curious why but i realized that the person is probably against mxtx/danmei books etc, which i sometimes post about, for i guess homophobic/fetishizing reasons? but i’ve never followed or interacted so i’m really not sure why i got “noticed” like that. anyway, like i respect the person’s choices and rights to block people, but i haven’t been in the fandom for long and basically never encountered something like this before, so i’m slightly bothered by it. i’m guessing it’s quite common and i know i should probably just ignore/avoid the person (since they blocked me anyway) but i’m too easily affected. how do you usually deal with people like that? thank you.

oh oh hi! hahaha damn am i fandom jiejie?!?!?! sarah is my fandom jiejie ;-;

anyway oomph sorry you found out about the block from that specific person and are feeling terrible about it! not easy to realize you’re blocked by someone

ehhh actually there can be a few reasons why ppl block i mean in general:

1. it could be an accident, tumblr fucks up q regularly

2. users have beef against each other (unavoidable, i mean we’re placing a lot of opinionated ppl squeezed into a room)

3. you just dont wanna see their stuff or opinions on your blog - i mean this is very understandable, whether out of like genuine like damn this is really not content i wanna see or i really hate the subject matter - both ways go and unfortunately-

unfortunately, it’s all part and parcel of being on social media and on an online space! i know this is hard to hear but everyone escapes to their blogs or accounts right and especially on tumblr where everything is slightly more curated, people create their blogs and create content for mostly themselves first - and we all do things to make sure our dashes stay the way we want them to look

i for one use the block button very liberally - sometimes just because i disagree with someone and feel that there is just no way i can see their further posts on the matter, or you know, when i get triggered with pet peeves hahahaa sadly i am that kind of person XD i come onto my blog to be happy, and if anything makes me the slightest bit annoyed/uncomfortable, i don’t feel guilty at all about using the button

i’ve also blocked for my own sanity for e.g. if a blog i see keeps reblogging the same post in the span of 48 hours (talking about like more than five times, and i’m personally totally okay if it’s a timezone reblog for fics or psas or infos!) for notes i mean, their blog, they can do whatever they want and i am in no place to judge, but it made me really competitive and i felt like it was really toxic to keep staring at notes so i blocked for my own sake because i have zero impulse control

and sometimes it’s personal, sometimes it’s not! in your case i think it may help? idk, because these things are stressful and i don’t deal well with like anger HAHAHAHA:

1. don’t take it personally and don’t think too much about it or about why or what you posted that could have made them block you - this blog is for you. and the ppl who follow you in a sense, so if anyone is unhappy that’s on them to block etc. - and don’t think about you getting ‘noticed’, posts turn up in searches all the time as well and it could just have been a particular post

2. blocking in my opinion is so much better than the user coming to fight with you via anon or rallying other ppl to bully you for your posts online - trust me, this gets ugly, and if it ever happens you’ll wish they used the block button instead - we should be happy there’s a block button! in fact i’d like a mute button like on twitter - i like this blog but this blog’s posts for now idw to see but i still like their overall stuff just not during this period when this bij is gg mad over shan he ling (i’m talking about others when thinking about me btw HAHAHAHA) - blocking is like “i reject you but politely tyvm” rather than “here’s why i rejected you and you must hear all the reasons and i will add more once you fight back”

yep, not pleasant at all

*also gonna take the opportunity to remind peeps to pls block me if your other alternative is to sneak into my ask box for a fight or write a vague personal post hating on me tyvm, 慢走不送*

3. we can’t please everybody!!! idk either ppl ignore me, or at least half of them may have blocked me - i dont blame em hahahaa i do get into ask fights when anons especially come into my ask box looking for one HAHAHA - i mean, i use the block, can’t expect others not to, but just have to get used to ppl just blocking i think!

4. of course if a blog i follow and like blocked me i’d definitely be sad but... what can you or i do?

5. all content is fine as long as it’s made with thought i feel - all opinions are good as long as they are made with thought and also you and i for that matter are able to stand behind it when someone comes knocking so like obviously if something hurtful is said, then the following angry responses may be expected, but also if you’ve put thought into your posts (i don’t mean like thought THOUGHT but more like when u post anything that can be controversial for e.g. or could potentially be hurtful it’s always good to kind of adjust a little before posting anything) then you should just stand behind your own posts and be who you are online

6. it’s too much to speculate on why ppl do anything, just blog and be happy :DDD

#asks #tumblr

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kieraswriting · 3 years

Text

Coffin Chapter Twenty-Eight

Masterpost

Roman ran into the living room when he heard Patton screech. “It’s what?!”

“What is?” Roman demanded.

Patton shushed him, gesturing emphatically at the tv screen.

“As according to even the lowest reports,” the lady was saying . “95% of the vampires have been rounded up now. There will still be people available to take your calls if you suspect you’ve seen a vampire, and we highly encourage you to keep turning them in. We will still be here to serve you, just in a less invasive manner.”

“What’s going on?” Roman whispered.

“She said the sweep is over.” Patton whispered back, his eyes fixed on the screen.

“It’s what?!”

“Shh!”

In the next weeks, we’ll be working on transitioning the vampires into controlled work environments. They will be in public, but carefully controlled. There is no reason for fear if you should see them. However, we would ask that you refrain from bothering the handlers, as that increases the risk, however slightly.

•^*^••

“They’re what?!” Dee said, turning the radio up.

“Yes, we can confirm that the sweep is over. The vampires of course will still be arrested if they are discovered, but there will be no more searching of homes without warrants.”

“Well, that’s good.” The other person on the radio program said. “As much as I’m glad to have the vampires gone, it’s very disconcerting to have people storming into your house.”

“Yes, that is a large part of why the sweep has officially ended. Individuals will have to take more responsibility to hand in the remaining hidden vampires, but this way we can have back our freedoms and privacy.”

Dee looked over at Thomas, who was just as wide-eyed. “Can we…?”

“Not home, they know us there. But we can make a new home.”

Dee was just as fine with a new home as with the old one. He nodded enthusiastically.

•^*^••

Liam searched the house. According to reports from the neighbors, Logan had been seen here, but no sign of Patton, and there were only three people staying in the house.

So Patton and the vampire that held him under thrall were somewhere else, but that didn’t mean that there weren’t clues. However, everything he saw was merely personal items. And they didn’t seem to match the supposed inhabitants. Perhaps they’d managed to kick out the original inhabitants. Some vampires did seem to have hypnotic powers.

He kept searching, letting out a slight growl under his breath in frustration, and ignoring the looks his men were giving each other.

•^*^••

Virgil hadn’t had a phone in ages. He had… not really friends, just some nice people online he used to talk to sometimes, and he wondered how they were doing.

Between the three of them, they had Roman’s phone and a burner phone that couldn’t do much other than call.

Part of it was that he was bored, part of it was that he was just thinking about old times, and part was just the relief of the sweep being over. But he wanted to try talking to his fr-- acquaintances, really, and it had been at least a year since he’d talked to any of them, they probably were even less than that now. But still.

“Um… Roman?”

“Hmm?” Roman looked up from the fire. That had been his way of not getting bored, keeping the fire going. Between cutting work and tending the fire almost constantly, it seemed to be working for him.

“Can I…” It felt weird… bad… asking for something as personal and valued as a phone. “CanIborrowyourphoneIswearI’lltakecareofit--”

“Woah, slow down, you want my phone?”

Virgil hesitated, but nodded.

“Yeah, sure. It’s plugged in on the kitchen counter. We’ll do the bonfire in an hour or so, but you can have it till then.”

Virgil was very surprised that Roman would just let him have it, without asking why or anything. “Thanks.”

“Oh, wait, you’ll need a password. Uh… I don’t, really want to tell you, it’s kinda personal, but if you bring it here I’ll type it in.”

Virgil was even more surprised, but the password was quickly typed in and Roman handed him the phone back, cracking a joke about not downloading any viruses.

Virgil waited a long few minutes, sitting up on the kitchen counter and just staring at the home screen. It had a picture of Roman, Patton, and Logan, with Roman and Patton squishing Logan into a group hug. He felt a pang of guilt that he was the one here with them, instead of Logan.

And then he got over his anxiety enough to sign in to tumblr. Yeah, yeah, he knew it was technically ‘dead’, but that didn’t matter. He could be strange there, and instead of picking at him or just leaving him alone, everyone else was pretty strange there too.

He wasn’t terribly surprised to see 99+ notifications, since he hadn’t checked it in a year or two, but he was surprised to see that so many of them were mentions and direct messages. He nearly broke down in tears seeing how concerned people had been for him. They’d left kind messages, ‘for whenever he came back’, and they’d started chains of ‘loving V hours’. One of his old friends had sent him a message every week, even if it was something like ‘hey, come back, idiot, we miss you’.

So he messaged them first.

Ummm….. I’m back?

They didn’t respond immediately, probably didn’t have notifications on, or busy or something, and Virgil started scrolling through his dash. The tears swimming around in his eyes fell when he saw the post. It was someone advocating for the vampires. Saying that, no matter what they’d done, they didn’t deserve to be massacred. Virgil went to the blog, and saw that she was getting a lot of hate, but was making and reblogging things supporting the vampires, and ‘conspiracy theories’ about how they were treated that he knew to be true. He followed immediately. He kept scrolling, and found a few people agreeing with her, a very few supporting and sharing information around.

He’d always been interested in conspiracy theories, in cryptids, he wouldn’t be giving himself away to reblog some of these.

A fwip sound made him jump and then smile.

V!!!!!!!!! Where’ve you been!!!!!!????????

Virgil smiled wide. Lost my phone, kicked out of home, you know, all the stuff you warned me about. It’s really nice to hear from you.

Nice to hear from me???? Do you have any IDEA how nice it is to hear from YOU??????!!!!

XD I’m fine.

Did you really get kicked out of your home?!?

Lol, kinda. I’m staying with some nice people though. They’re even letting me use their phone.

That’s good, but what happened????!!!

Virgil thought about it. How much could he say? They didn’t know where he lived, and he didn’t even live there anymore. They knew his full first name, but not his last name. He’d… probably be safe talking to them. He always had been, when he told them about other things.

I saw the things you’ve been reblogging. Man, things are crazy. Are you doing alright with it all?? You didn’t have police bothering you or anything, right?

It’s a long story.

You think after this whole time that I’m not dying to hear long stories????!!!! I haven’t heard from you in ages! I want to know everything!

Well, you know about my dad, and all that….

He’s an abusive douchebag, yes.

Virgil had to give a small smile at that. They’d been the first person to call his dad abusive, and they’d helped him realize it too.

So… Dad was also a vampire…

Not surprising, all things considered. Did he hurt you?????

You remember that one lady I told you about?

The creepy fae lady? Did. Your Dad. Hurt you? I will find you and bust his face in, V, I swear.

I mean… kinda? Well, I guess I can’t say kinda. So he’s been drinking from me my whole life, and he went… way too far one time. The lady found me, oh, and she’s a vampire too, and she turned me to try and save my life. I went to live with her for a long time.

There was a long wait, and then a meme of John Mulaney, “Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that.”

So… you’re a vampire now?

Yeah.

And you’re safe. No police?

At the moment.

Ok, I’m gonna need a bit to adjust to the whole you’re a vampire thing, but before that-- At. The. Moment???? Who hurt you now????!!!?

There came the tears again. It was far too easy to cry right now. But to have his friend accept him so readily… and still ready to rail at people who would hurt him?! It was just a lot. More than a lot, and it made him so happy.

And don’t you dare say long story! Tell me what happened!

I got caught by hunters, before the sweep.

Another meme, “Now we aren’t just gonna skim past this like you didn’t just say what you just said.”

Please. Slow down and tell me what actually happened. You’re hitting me with some big revelations, and I need some details in between those.

Virgil went back to the beginning, writing out his story, and just avoiding names and places, just in case. It wasn’t easy, and by the end he was fighting back tears again. His friend wasn’t, they kept sending sobbing faces, and alternately saying how sorry they were that something like this would happen and raging against the people that had done it.

V, you don’t have to do this, but I think you should write that down. Make a post of it. I’ve seen the theories I don’t even know how many times, but I never got close to guessing how true they were. You… you really, really, don’t have to, and definitely don’t put your face in them, but taking pictures of the scars would really make it a lot more real to people.

Would it do any good?

I think it could do worlds of good. I’ve never heard things like this. NEVER. I absolutely believe you, and I think other people would too. Use a fake name, make a new blog, heck, make a whole new account, you don’t want people tracing this. But I really think you should do it.

Virgil hesitated again. He didn’t think he could take hate online.

I’ll help you, and I’ll get some other people too, if you don’t mind me telling them your story. I won’t tell them your name or anything.

You think… an ask blog? In case people have questions?

Yes. That’s a brilliant idea.

I won’t have a phone all the time…

I’ll help run it, and answer as best as I can.

It’s… It’s so nice to have you here, and here for me.

Always, V.

•^*^••

Virgil was quiet during the bonfire, but it was the thinking kind of quiet, not the anxious kind, which helped Patton feel better about it. They’d managed to get marshmallows, and to roast them. Virgil had hoped he could eat just one without problems, which, well, didn’t work out, but after that he ate a whole lot of them, ‘just to spite his body’.

They ended up laying on blankets near the fire, looking up through the leaves at the few stars they could see.

“Thanks for keeping me with you,” Virgil said. “I’ve… I’ve been thinking about the past, and if you’d sent me back, or…” his voice strangled a bit. “Or kept me in that coffin…”

“Virgil, I’m so, so glad that you’re here with us now.” Patton said. “I wouldn’t be the same person I am without you. If… Looking back on it, the very idea of leaving you there makes me sick.”

“You’re an important kid, and I’m glad we have you,” Roman said.

Virgil just nodded silently, curling in on himself a little.

Patton locked eyes with Roman, and they each had the same idea, moving to Virgil’s blanket and sandwiching him between them. There was no protest from Virgil, and he even grabbed their hands, squeezing silently.

Patton gave a soft squeeze back. “We’re here now, and we have you, and we won’t let go.”

“No, we won’t.” Roman echoed.

“Thank you,” Virgil said, his voice rather choked up, but a watery smile on his face.

#sanders sides #vampire au #vampires #blood #virgil sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #emile picani #remy sleep #my own work #coffin #violence #speciesism #vampire virgil #platonic moxiety

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