#it’s just that they choose at every moment to be dumbasses and I love them for it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kimtaesss · 1 year

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I LOVED YOU | JK.3

Summary: being friends for 10 years means nothing, especially when he betrays your trust so easily.

Pairings: Jungkook x reader; Taehyung x reader

Genre: angst, fluff, friends to (?)

Warnings: straight off the bat, it’s a long introduction (sorry!!); y/n is straight up throwing up emotions ( mostly sad ones); Taehyung is being the sweetheart he is but also being more bold..; y/n not having a backbone but attempting to have one; Jungkook is Jungkook. ANGST and more ANGST.

Authors note: hey everyone! it’s finally posted after a month of waiting (maybe a bit more). I’m so sorry for the wait, but I finally finished my midterms and should be able to post more frequently; without waiting for a long period of time. This is a very angsty chapter, and contains a bit of each characters story, which I think it’s important and necessary to see how it shaped them to be the way they are. Anyways, hoped you enjoy it!! Also it’s 2 in the morning for me, so please ignore the spelling errors and typos. I tried to find every single one of them so hopefully there’s none!!

Masterlist | 01 | 02 | 03 | 04

It’s funny the way the world works. It really is. It’s like you have this amazing guy in front of you, who genuinely cares for you, and makes sure to show it. And then you have an asshole right next to him, but still try to find some good in him. And like the dumbass you clearly are, you fall for the asshole.

Maybe it’s the way you grew up, or maybe you just don’t know how to choose wisely. Frankly whatever the answer is, you need a solution to it. You hated feeling this emptiness, and heaviness in your chest. You hated seeing the way, he falls for girls so easily, but you’re almost invisible to him. He moves right past you, to follow the girl behind you. His eyes never match up to your eyes, and he never once was attentive to your feelings, and body language.

You were always quite open about your feelings. Not always verbally, but your body sure did talk for you. Maybe that’s why you felt more disappointed, when he claimed to ‘not know you were feeling that way’.

“I’m so stupid” you mutter, afraid a stranger that was passing by heard you. You knew you’re already getting a few stares, and you cared, you cared too much. You immediately felt your throat closing, as you hold back all the emotions that you were feeling in that moment. The pain was unbearable. It felt as if they were tearing your insides, and you were slowly shutting down.

You take your phone out of your back pocket, and look at the lockscreen. The picture of you and Jungkook, when you were both in a Hawaii, celebrating your job promotion. He had it all planned out, and it was the most beautiful and ridiculous moment you’ve loved to relived.

For many reasons, actually. For one, it was one of the few times you’ve both genuinely interacted with one another. He only paid attention to you, well of course a few girls caught his eye. A few caught yours. But he wasn’t purposely trying to find them, and leave you behind. He was making dumb jokes, as you both had your daily walks. He would carry you, when you would get exhausted after a couple of minutes of walking. He would embarrass himself, when you felt too insecure to step out of your room. He would do the most to make sure you felt secure, loved, and cherished.

But that all changed. He changed. And with that so did your friendship. But when your friendship changed, it’s like people were desperately trying to see it for themselves. Because every time Jungkook would ditch you, flat out embarrass you, there was always someone watching your humiliation.

You instantly examine your surroundings, and attempt to find a hidden spot for you to let it out. A great sob escaped your lips, and you covered your face with shaking hands.

You bawl your eyes out, as your knees are pressed against your chest. You’re rocking like a child in its crib, and it’s almost scary to see yourself. Which is why you choose to not do exactly that.

Your phone buzzes, and you’re afraid to look at the screen. Because in that process of answering you’ll see your lock-screen again. And there is only so much you could bear. But then again, you got a ride from Taehyung, so maybe this was a way for you to get a ride home. Although you don’t want anyone to see you in this state.

“Hello” your voice comes out shaky, and you want to curse yourself out for not being able to hold still for a mere second.

The person on the other line was clearly taken aback from your voice crack, and your sniffling. You almost want to make another comment, but you’re unsure if your voice would cooperate with you this time. So you decide to wait it out, and hope it’s sooner than later.

“Hey y/n, are you okay?”

Well are you? No. But you don’t want him to know that. Even though you’re sure, he knows something is up.

You instantly knew who it was. Taehyung. God, why is he so damn nice? Why does he makes this so much harder for you? It’s not his fault, and you know this. It’s not like you’re trying to put the blame on him, but he’s exactly what you want to see in Jungkook. Attentive and caring. But since Jungkook isn’t like that, it makes you wonder, why him? If you so desperately want someone like Taehyung, why haven’t you fallen for him?

It’s your damn heart, that likes to play games with you. What other explanation is there for you to be acting like a damn fool. None. But as you’re mentally speaking to yourself, the silence on your side of the phone call makes him speak again.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt or bother you, but I never got a message back from you, and I was worried about you. I just want to make sure you’re safe” his voice is soft and almost careful, as he makes sure to not say something that could potentially cause you more pain.

You don’t know this, how could you. But Taehyung was across the street, looking at your fragile state. He witnessed everything, and he can’t help but blame himself once again. Why does he keep letting you go with him? He knows how he is, and yes, so do you. But for some reason, you’re filled with an enormous amount of love for him, that it cancels out all the bad. Well, not all the bad, but enough for you to keep letting him in.

“Yeah.. I’m-I’m just getting ready for bed” You stutter as you spit out a random excuse. It’s like you were trying to get caught up in your lie. You bite on your lower lip, to prevent any noise to come out of your mouth.

It breaks his heart seeing you so bravely hide your pain. Because it was brave the way you attempted to shield your pain, the pain Jungkook caused you.

“Y/n, I’m in no way trying to overstep any boundaries, and I understand you don’t want to speak on this matter, but can I just say something really quick?”

You really don’t want to hear it. But you need to.

“Yes” You inhale and exhale, as you try to compose yourself to be fully prepared to hear his comment.

“You are a gorgeous and strong woman, despite the fact that you like to claim you aren’t. And I understand that it’s because of personal reasons, but I’m telling you as a friend, you are every thing I have described. So I just want to ask you, would you prefer an Uber, or me to pick you up”

He’s sure you’re confused, especially in the way he set up his comment; but frankly speaking, he was just trying to remind you of who you are. And asking for help, isnt going to make you less of that. Asking for help, won’t make you weak, or whatever negative perspective you have on that.

He just wanted to remind you of his presence in your life, as a friend. Even though, he wished it more of than that. He still appreciates and accepts that he’s just a friend.

You couldn’t help but ignore the comments he made before, even though they are imprinted in your mind and heart. “What do you mean pick me up?”

He takes a deep breathe, and simply says, “You don’t have to tell me what happened, or even speak to me. But I know you’re not home y/n, and I really don’t want to intrude, but I’d hate myself more if you walked home at this time, then knowing you could have a secure ride”

“How do you know that” you looked left and right, and even in front of you to see if you could spot him. And you couldn’t, which lead you to be more confused. Because how exactly did he know this?

It terrified you to know that Taehyung could have possibly witnessed this all go down. Especially considering the fact that you ditched him for an asshole. You left a good man behind for Jungkook. And it was embarrassing to admit how heartbroken you are because of that decision.

But Taehyung always knows what to say. Taehyung always know how to make you feel seen.

“I know you”

You break down. You don’t attempt to hide it anymore, because you so miserably want someone to hear you. You want someone to push you into their arms, and never letting you go. You want to be suffocated in their arms. You just needed someone by your side.

“You’re probably going to hate me for this… but I’m on my way”

The call got cut off. As you continue crying, you’re exhausted. Your body was beginning to run out of tears, and it was making you feel sleepy. You wanted nothing more than to be curled up in your bed, with the warmest blanket you have. You wanted nothing more than to be away from the world, and people, and just anything that had to do with you being anywhere but your house.

You almost want to take a small little nap, right where you were sitting. It’s just going to be a minute, right?

Your stop fighting the urge to keep your eyes open, and curl yourself into a ball, to provide more warmth. It’s not like anything else could possibly go wrong, so why not sleep outside in the cold? You must have been either way too exhausted or stupid, maybe a mix of both. Because it was way too dangerous for you to be acting like that.

But then again, you haven’t been able to fall asleep because of all the late night driving you’ve had to go these previous weeks. Having to pick up Jungkook from his drunken state at parties, or hookups. Which have added onto your emotionally drained state.

“Mhm” comes out of your mouth, as you felt an arm of your waist.

“It’s okay, I got you” Taehyung whispers, as he carries you over his shoulder and once he is close enough to his car, he places you gently in it.

Your in the front seat, gently buckled up. He looks over his shoulder, to catch a quick glance of you. He can’t help but smile to himself when he sees your mouth slightly open, and small snores coming of your mouth.

“I’ll take care of you. I promise”

He drives off while he has one arm holding onto your seatbelt. He wants to make sure, you aren’t awaken by your body moving slightly forward, as he goes through speed bumps.

He’s not sure what’s overcome him, maybe it’s the way you looked at peace in your sleep, or maybe it’s the way, he desperately wants to spit out his emotions, without you actually hearing it, but he whispers something that he’s held on for too long.

“I like you y/n. I think I always will”

“Hey! You over there, pass me another beer”

Jungkook is slurring on his words, and his balance isn’t as strong as it was in the beginning. He kept placing his hands under the chair, to prevent it from moving too much and have him fall off his seat.

He felt like he had no other option but to go to the closest bar. He wanted to drown himself with beer, instead of drowning himself with guilt and sadness. But it seemed like the drinks were making worse, at least after they settled in.

“Sure buddy, but I’m going to need your car keys if you want to keep drinking”

“Just take it” he places the keys on the counter and slides it closer to the bartender. “My friend will pick me up” he takes another sip, after the man passed him his precious alcohol.

“If she still considers me that” he spits out, as he vigorously shakes his head. He laughs at himself, as he feels a burn down his throat. He doesn’t want to continue swallowing, but he feels as if he deserves every single ounce of that burning sensation.

“Okay…buddy” the bartender said, as he moved on to the next lonely, or heartbroken person in the bar.

He’s not sure why bars exist, they just turn people into alcoholics. He should know. He’s slowly becoming one himself. He hates every single thing about that addiction, as it made him more like his father. And he wanted to be nothing like that man.

“Hey, my friend was wondering if you’d interested in possibly having a threesome with us” she bites her nails, attempting to be sexy. It’s almost disgusting the way she was throwing herself at you.

Normally you’d be all over that, but right now you felt like complete shit. You weren’t even a bit turned on.

“I’m good” you waved her off, as you kept asking and sipping on your drink. You decided to was time for a stronger drink. You wanting to clear your mind, erase your memories, and the words that slipped out of y/n’s mouth.

“Are you sure? It’s going to be both of us… naked”

Is she dumb? She must be. You clearly said no.

“Yup, I’m sure. Now if you don’t mind, I’ll like to be alone. And not bothered”

“Whatever, it’s your loss!” She storms off, rather dramatically. But not without having poured a drink on your face.

“Mm. Guess I deserved that too”

You don’t attempt to clean yourself off, even when the bartender hands you a rag. Honestly, you did deserve all this and more. You’re not even sure why you treat y/n like crap. She’s… amazing, and has such a big heart.

It’s kind of scary, if you think about it though. She’s too nice. It almost makes you second guess everything you do, and if you should be doing it in the first place.

Y/n’s like a moral police, and although it’s cute and kind of dorky. It’s also unbearable. Those high expectations that she has, takes a toll on someone like you. You’re not perfect; you’re quite flawed. Anyone can see that. But she insists that you aren’t, and well you can’t help but try to show her that she’s wrong.

It’s not about being stubborn, it’s about being realistic. You’re flawed, so what? Is it that hard to admit. It’s silly really. This is all silly.

“Well…you look like shit” you heard right next to you. It sounded like a man, or maybe a woman with a very deep voice.

You laugh once you hear that accurate observation. Because you knew that you looked like shit. You’re covered in alcohol and guilt. You’re almost positive that you stink too.

“It’s been a shitty day” you respond without thinking too much about it. You don’t turn to look at who’s speaking to you. Instead, you bring your glass closer to your lips. You needed the taste and smell of alcohol. It helped you forget—some things— and it also makes you feel numb—at times. You make sure to close your eyes to savor every single last taste of it.

Okay, this isn’t working. He needed to see her, and he needed to see her now.

You place a 100 dollar bill on the table, and don’t take a single glance in front of you nor next to you.

But as you’re about to walk away, you feel an arm on your shoulder.

“Listen, I already told someone to fuck off. I don’t mind doing it again”

“Well, why don’t you give it a try”

Seriously? That’s just a dumb, and childish response. And you want to let it go, you really do. You wanted to be a better man— person— for y/n. She deserves to see that side of you, the side she so openly speaks of. Despite not having seen it for a couple years now.

“Listen, I’m not trying to be involved in this childish drama” you say with sincerity, but also with an eye roll that couldn’t be stopped.

“It’s too late for that. You’re the one who started this childish drama” the person angrily says, as he sends spit onto your cheek. It wasn’t intentional though, his anger just got the best of him, and therefore salvia went flying out of him onto you. At least you hoped it wasn’t intentional or else you were about to do something dumb.

“You have some nerve—“ you turn around, finally being able to see who this person is, and you couldn’t believe your eyes. You must be drunk, like shit face drunk. There’s no other possible explanation for this person to be here.

“You?” You question, as you use your hands to rub your eyes, hoping that the person in front of you disappears once you open them once again.

“Me.” He shrugs, as his glare makes you feel extremely uncomfortable. Y/n had clearly told Taehyung what happened today, and now he’s sitting in front of you, ready to skin you alive. At least that’s how it looked like.

“I think it’s time for me and you to talk. And I’m not taking no as an answer”

You gulp, and your Adam’s apple is more visible. You simply nod your head, as you take a sit next to him.

You want to punch his face, but you also had to be clever about this. Y/n for some odd reason cares about him, so the least you could do is pretend to be nice.

“Alright. But for y/n”

“For y/n” Taehyung confirms as he continues to glare at Jungkook like his life depended on him.

This was not going to end well. For both of them.

You woke up with the worst headache. Your argument with Jungkook really took a toll on you. Every other minute, you’d wake up remember what happened and then ended up crying again. It made you think back to all those times, the good ones of course, but somehow along the way, you reminisce about how there was some bad in the good. Even now it’s like that.

You continue to lay in the bed, as tears stream down your face and onto your bed sheets. You wanted to find an escape in your mind, anything would have helped. You wanted to think back of when it was just you and Jungkook, and no one or anything would stray you away from eachother.

It sounds ridiculous, but all you could think about is him and your friendship and your… stupid love for him. As if there isn’t anything else in your life. As if there isn’t anything else you could be doing with your life.

Your old enough to get yourself out of this bed, and do something more productive. Maybe ask for more days at work, go to the gym, or quite literally anything else that isn’t this.

Your friendship is over, so you might as well get it over it. Crying and begging him, or yourself isn’t going to change your situation.

However it is easier said than done. Your mind understood this was necessary, but your body was having a harder time to adjust. You couldn’t move a muscle, and it was become harder for you to stay still as your leg was falling asleep.

You tried to locate your phone to see who you could call for help. And on top of that, it had to be someone you know would not judge you harshly.

You flap your arms around until you feel anything that felt remotely close to your phone. After a couple of seconds of moving like your drowning, you found it.

“Yes!” You yelled as you scrolled through your contacts. “Now, who do I call? Well, I only have one friend… technically two. But right now, I’m not sure if my friendship is still a friendship. And… I’ve bothered Taehyung too much already” you rambled on, and muttered to yourself, seeing as you had no one else to rant to. This was getting ridiculous. Your life was like a teenagers, seriously just drama after drama. It was getting old… you were getting old. It was just not something you needed in your life right now or ever.

You hear a buzz coming from your phone, and it startles you. You were stuck in a trance, of what has gone entirely wrong in your life. Of how precious time and your past memories are. Of how you never realized how much you should have valued your life before all this.

Your eyebrows almost touch each other once you read the message on your phone. Your life flashed before your eyes, and all the praying for your past to come back, has happened. But at what cost? At the cost of your happiness, that’s what.

Mom: meet me in 30 minutes. I really need your help.

She’s begging for help? Her? After everything she’s put you and your siblings through. After she did what she did. She wants you, out of everyone to help her out of the mess she probably brought upon herself.

Yup. You’ve officially become cursed. It seems like you can never have a day go by, without something or someone ruining it.

You: I don’t believe I’m the best candidate for the job.

You respond without much thought. But immediately regret it. After all she still is your mother, the woman who gave birth to you; and somewhat raised you. Your grandmother taught you manners, so you should execute them in her honor.

You: Sorry, that was really rude of me. Send me the location and I’ll be there soon.

Mom: Glad to know grandma taught you something good. Next time I won’t be so forgiving, and make sure to come on time, you know how I hate people who are late.

You: Okay.

You didn’t have the energy to argue with her. You barely had the energy to get off your bed. Now, you have to use a weeks worth of energy, since you know how things would end if you came late. Your mother was strict and does not accept people disobeying her orders, especially if you’re blood. Which unfortunately you are.

You stand with a pace that instantly made your head hurt, and made you feel as if you were flying. Or maybe it was just the fact that you seeing double. You should have been more careful, that’s for sure.

“What do I even wear” you utter as you walk to your closet, shivering due to the fan being on the whole night. But you’d rather die of coldness than hotness, so that’s why you leave it on the whole damn night. And almost feel like you’re about to wet your bed. Again, you’re just a complicated person.

“I just have black clothes, if I show up in that I’m definitely get scolded” you continue to talk to yourself, seeing as you have no one else to talk to. Or someone you feel comfortable sharing this vulnerable side of you. Sure, they’ve seen many other sides of you when you were weak and vulnerable but this, this was different.

You grabbed the first thing you saw, because whatever decision you made, your mother would still find something to criticize. And you’d rather her criticize your outfit choices then have her waiting for you.

It was a simple outfit really. Black ripped jeans with a black hoodie… yeah, you should probably shop after your meeting. It’s not normal for someone to not have at least one clothing that was bright or not black. The worst part was that you finished it off with black and white converse. But hey, at least there’s some white, a pop of color if you will.

Who are you kidding, you’re about to get your ass beat.

“Please have patience y/n. Please let this all go well” You said while looking at the mirror in front of you. You were trying to remind yourself of how important it was to not let that women get to you. But of course, everything is easier to say than to do. It’s become your life motto at this point. You’ve said it way too many times.

“You got this! Hopefully…” you gave yourself a thumbs up, as your face screamed worried, but time was ticking. So you grabbed your car keys, and rushed out the door like your life depended on it; in a way it did.

Taehyung kept replaying last night. He kept thinking of the way you cutely thanked him, as he took off your makeup. He’s not even sure why you kept thanking him, since he kept accidentally poking your eye, and the makeup wipe, he was using kept drying up.

He might have wasted all of your wipes, attempting to take off your makeup.

“Could you stay? I mean, just until I fall asleep”

Could you? Yes. Should you? You’re not sure. It’s like you kept playing yourself every-time you’ve accepted to help Y/n. You know you need to keep some distance from her, especially since your head over heels for her. But when you see her crying, or anything that isn’t happy, you want nothing more but to mend her heart.

And you know you’d probably curse yourself out, the next day for accepting this offer. But that was a tomorrow problem. And today, it’s just a solution.

Plus, how could you say no, as she’s holding onto your arm. While her eyes look up to you, with such desperation.

“Anything for you” you utter, as you move a strand of hair, and place it behind her ear.

She immediately felt as eased, and whispered, “thank you Taehyung, you’re the best friend a girl could have”

Friend. Yeah, it was like a bullet was shot directly to your chest. But of course, it was an expected bullet. And you decided to come here unprotected, without a bullet proof vest. But still, it was worth the temporary pain.

She had finally asked you, not Jungkook, you, for help.

“Good night y/n” you said, as you pulled the sheets over her legs, to completely cover her up. You gave her a last glance, before you stepped closer, and bent down to give her a forehead kiss.

She smiled once she felt a kiss on her forehead.

“Good night Taehyung”

He’s not sure how he ended up here. In a bar out of all places. He’s not like this. Sure, he drinks wine almost every day, but to be in an open place, where people are trying to get laid, flirt, or fight over the dumbest things. Well, it just wasn’t his scene. But his friend was right. He had to be more open to things he dislikes, or else he’s going to die with ‘regrets’.

Well he’s already going to die with many. For one, he’s doesn’t have the balls to confess to y/n just exactly how he feels about her. How his heart breaks every time her eyes light up, when she mentions Jungkook. How she always runs to his arms when they’re closed, and yours are wide open and always avoided. Well, unless she had an argument with Jungkook. How you hated being the second option but still choose to stay, because you have this hope in you. You have faith that one day she’ll look in your direction and never look away.

But until then, he’ll drink his pain away— or attempt to— even if it’s in this shitty bar. And you did exactly that. With every single drink you took, you drowned yourself. You filled yourself up with all the alcohol possible, that you were about to spill it out.

It was starting to cloud your judgement. Which you took pride in. It was something your parents were proud of, and since they took too much pride in it; you could never have it in your heart to start acting like a dumbass. It was their last wish before they… yeah.

“Can I have another one please” you asked the guy behind the bar. His eyes kept examining your state, you were drunk. It was clear to anyone that paid attention to you, or at least caught a little glimpse. He looks hesitant to reach over to the vodka you’ve been swallowing.

“Fine. But this is the last one for the night. Alright?” The guy behind the bar says, as he tries to convince himself to hand you the cup.

“Yeah. I just need one before I do something stupid” you spit out without thinking much about it. Your face was red, and you kept pouting. You were still really hesitant despite drinking the whole bar.

“That’s not every convincing..”

You shake your head to wake yourself up. You still need to order an Uber, and you needed to be conscious to do that.

“Relax. I’m just about to tell the girl of my dreams that I love her”

You smile to yourself; you look insane. You bite on your lower lip to try to contain your excitement. But of course, something always has to ruin your day.

“I don’t think she’ll like a drunk man in the middle of the night confessing to her. But hey! What do I know?” The guy shrugs before leaving the cup right in front of you.

“Yeah, just leave with all your stupid comments”

You sip with such a slow pace. You were stalling. You were scared. What if everything goes wrong? What if she laughs in your face? After all she called you her best friend a couple of hours ago. Okay, no! You need to stop being a wimp and just confess to her. You can’t keep living like this.

You can’t keep containing these feelings that are eating you alive. You wanted to be able to show her off as more than just a friend. Show her what real love is. Not what Jungkook has provided her with.

You chugged the rest of the drink, and begin to walk out of this smelly and loud bar. But something caught your eye. It can’t be. Did you just have a magnet that attracted trash?

Was that jerk really flirting with a random girl, while y/n was crying her eyes out. While y/n became so tired that she actually slept outside. Her body had given up on her, and here he was. He was drinking, not even beating himself up? Not even trying to ask y/n forgiveness.

You couldn’t take it. The drinks sure did have an influence on your next decision.

“You’re 5 minutes late” your mother says, as you enter her house. It makes you want to cry out of fury, or disappointment. You had just stepped inside, and she was ready to scold you and give you hell. She never changed, and she never will.

“Yeah, sorry there was a lot of traffic” you whisper, losing all the confidence you had before you stepped in the house. You hated being this weak, and not having any backbone. Why couldn’t you fight back? Why must you always be the one to cave in?

“I know, that’s why I called you when there wasn’t”

It ticked you off the way she spoke to you. As if you werent her daughter. Her own blood. She talks to you as if she were superior, as if she were your boss, and you were some clumsy assistant. Still, she shouldn’t speak to anyone like that, especially if you haven’t done anything wrong.

“Is this why you called me for? Didn’t you say you needed my help? And you’re arguing with me.” You point at yourself, trying to exaggerate how angry you were. But there really wasn’t much you could do, your whole face was red, and your fists were balled up, becoming white from all the pressure you were putting on them.

But you couldn’t stay angry for long. You’d like to blame your grandma, but you know it was one of the best lessons she gave you. To carry anger with you everyday, is such a burden. Why carry all the bad energy, when you can try to be positive. Try to be hopeful that the good will outweigh the bad, and eventually you’d have everything you wished for; or something equivalent to that.

You truly wanted to grant your grandmothers wishes but it was difficult when the person against you, had little to no respect for you.

“No that’s not it. And you better watch your tone young lady. I am your mother above anything else!”

You nod your head while looking around the room. You attempted to hide the tears that were threatening to fall out of your eyes. They created a puddle as they stayed still. But you couldn’t keep your eyes open anymore, and with that fell your tears. Each possessing a pain that was difficult to put into words.

“You’re my mother?” You spit out, while your voice cracks in the middle of your question. You continue to shake your head, emphasizing the shock from hearing those words come out her mouth.

“Were you my mother when you’d hit me everyday after school because my father was giving me more attention than you? Were you my mother when I was diagnosed with depression, and you said that it was just a phase and refused to get me the help I needed? Oh! Were you my mother when you—“

“Enough! You’re clearly on some meds right now, and saying things that aren’t even true. And even if they were that was ages ago, get over it y/n. Gosh, when did you become like your father”

“I’m proud to be his daughter. But yours? Not even close”

You saw her lifting her hand, and aiming it directly for your cheek. It was a loud sound, and it took a lot in you, to not fall to the ground, and cry your heart out. It really did. Because in between those slaps, you were sent back to your childhood. To you coming back from your school, and waiting for your father to come home, so your mother wouldn’t lay a finger on you. It reminded you of the times, you lied you were staying at a friends place to finish a project, but actually hiding behind the shed in your backyard, until the coast was clear and you could sneak back to your room.

You raise your hand to stop her, and were lucky to caught her hand mid air. Your cheeks were burning, it felt as if someone had poured boiling water on it.

“Let’s not forget your dear father, left you behind. He’s out there with his other kids and wife, while you’re so proudly protecting him. He doesn’t love you y/n, when will you get that. Maybe if you weren’t always so ready to call him out on his errors, he wouldn’t be with another family.”

You let go of her hand and ran. You didn’t care that she was screaming out your name. You didn’t care that you were running into people, or if you got hit by a car. You didn’t care about anything. You just wanted a break. You just wanted to take a deep breathe. You needed this to be over.

You chest felt like it was going to explode. You place your hand on your chest, and began hyperventilating. Even when you were breathing, you weren’t. Your throat was shut, and your eyes were waterfalls.

You ran to your house, you ran without looking back. You ran without a care in the world. And every time you were burnt out, you stood in the middle of people and kept looking around. Everything was spinning, everything was triggering you.

You saw people laughing, smiling, and why? Why do they get to be happy, and here you were struggling to even stand still.

“Miss, are you okay?” A couple asked, but that only made you more sad. Here they were all happy and loving with eachother, and you didn’t have that in your life. It felt like they were rubbing in your face. And you couldn’t be there anymore.

“I can’t-“

And again you ran. You ran with your all. You wanted to be far away from people. From this place, that never feels like home.

You just needed to get home and down all those pills in your room. They would help you sleep, cry less, and think less. They would ease the pain you endure everyday.

It been a couple of hours since your interaction with that woman, and it still feels so recent. It feels like it was a couple of seconds ago. The things she said scarred you. It was something you attempted to erase in your mind. You wanted to remember your father like he was once. When he was your best friend, when he would do anything to make you laugh; to cheer you up.

You tried to forget when you would argue because he kept breaking his promises. You continued to voice your pain, and your anger got the best of you. So he left. He left you with your mother. He left without a single goodbye. He left without a care, about you, about your mother.

“Why did you leave” you weep, and you hug your pillow. You pet it as if it were an actual human or pet. You couldn’t seek anyone to comfort you, so you decided to pretend your pillow was the person you needed the most.

Your anger would come and go, but when it came, you would go from cuddling your pillow, to punching it with your all. And then came the emptiness.

You were dried out of tears. Your pain was still there, but it was frozen. You’d stare up at the ceiling, and find even the idea of reminiscing to be the most silliest thing ever.

You laugh out loud, at the mess you are. You laugh at the joke your life is. You laugh at how fucking sad and lonely you have always been and will continue to be for the rest of your life.

Your brain is processing everything that was today, and throughout that process, you hear a knock on the door. It can’t be her? No, it can’t she doesn’t even know where you live, where you work, or your damn birthday.

After the knocks, came the constant doorbell sounds. It was driving you crazy, and you clearly had no patience nor the right attitude to talk to anyone.

“I’m not home!” You yell as you cover yourself with a warmer blanket. Why does it have to be so damn cold?

“Y/n! It’s me open up please! I- I have to tell you something important?”

You shake yourself out of your moment for a spilt moment, and get up. You cover yourself with the blanket as you walk towards the door.

“What are you doing here?“ You comment before you open the door. You weren’t trying to be rude, but again you had a rough day and weren’t in the mood for company.

“Please.. I just. If I leave now, I’ll never be able to confess this..”

You gulp, as you unlock the door. But before you open it, you remember you look like a mess. You’ve been crying for hours, since… well, since Jungkook.

“Just- before you come in. Ignore my face, and say what you’re going to say”

“I can’t just ignore your face y/n. What’s wrong?”

You couldn’t confess what had just happened. He came here to talk about himself, and you don’t want to hear it but at the same time, you don’t want to push anyone important to you out of your life, again.

“Please! If you want me to listen to you, promise me you’d ignore my face” you pleaded, as your voice went a pitch higher, and your eyes were shut; hoping to hear the words you wanted.

“I promise” he immediately responds, knowing that it will bring you to peace. But if he sees you in pain, he’ll break that promise without hesitation. He cared about you, maybe even loved you enough to let you go.

“Okay, come in”

You opened the door with caution and attempted to hide your face. Mostly your eyes, since they contained the feeling you weren’t trying to show him.

“Are you okay?”

“What happened?”

You both said at the same time. Your eyes displayed worry and pain. One of you was physically hurt, while the other one was mentally drained.

You both had a rough day. You both needed comfort. But you weren’t sure if you both were the right person to comfort one another.

Taglist: @mwitsmejk @bambamsthings @belovedsthings @jamlessstars @bjoriis @jeonzll @oxzie @whipwhoops @driftapart @taeriffic @laylasbunbunny @ellesalazar @boredcatto @bunbunbunnykoo @taeees-world @rainfprest @sparklingprimrose @jossabelle88 @bloodline1632 @neg-l3ct @bbtsficrecs @bloopkook @petalsofink @bliiss @linours @crissteetee67 @starbtslove @laurynne5 @hollyweird0 @fragmentof-indifference @kooliv @halesandy @bloodline1632 @sukunasrealgf @bnagtanx1306

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vypridae · 3 months

Note

HOPE YOUR HEAD FEELS BETYER!! HEADACHES SUCK

anywayys requesting mori or tecchou or fyodor for the character thing [or bc you don’t need to do all of them pick and choose <3]

DOING ALL OF THEM i cant do the doodles i dont have the motivation for art rn i lied about that BUT ILL DO ALL THREE OF THEM

under a cut because these got LONG

MORI

first impression

honestly i think when i first met mori in the anime i was like oh hes sweet i like him . then it was the whole "woah port mafia boss!!!!" thing and i was like oh hes sweet and deadly i like him .

impression now

i love him soo much did you know. hes so fun hes just a silly guy . silly !!!

favorite moment

honestly the moment (from the manga specifically) thats stuck with me the most was the frame that he like, put tachihara's hd hat on his head and was like "you dropped something" it just STUCK with me

outside of canon manga stuff tho i love the little intersection in wan ep 11 that hes like "WHAT DID YOU SEND ME DAZAI ... THESE ARE ... SCARY!!!!!" like hes just so silly i love him

idea for a story

genuinely i do not think about story ideas enough to have a solid one for him but if it counts i often think about him accidentally stealing one of fukuzawa's scarves from That Era i forgot how old he was at the time . and then just keeping it . and fukuzawa finds out somehow . i love them shut up

unpopular opinion

uhhh liking mori in general FSJKHASJKHASFJKG like have you seen this fandom . 99% of the people here fucking hate mori with a passion . and just liking him is super controversial . aside from that though ive seen analyses (tending to be like "mori and pedophilia" or something along those lines) and honestly they make me feel like hes just being really uuuh whats the word. really abstract with how he says things i guess? like one in particular i remember was a word in the original manga (jap) and he said a word that means both "wife" and "thing by my side" or something like that, when theres so many different words he could have used if he wanted to be Creepy specifically. idk theres my mori opinion its so controversial i know block me if u'd like but i love him

favorite relationship

HAHA zskk . easily . love those dumbass gayasses

favorite headcanon

uuuuuh . probably trans mori honestly FJKHASDFGHADFG maybe im biased (trans) but like ... idk i am very biased about this

TECCHOU

first impression

genuinely when i first met all of the hunting dogs i forgot all of their names immediately . as chapters went on though i think the two main things i remember thinking "hes adorable" and "hes in love with jouno 100%"

impression now

i . love him . so much . he is the silliest little guy ever and hes also me . also hes still in love with jouno btw

favorite moment

every one of them /j no but fr in specific i love the ant scene (it was one of the only ones i remembered from the manga after i read that chapter i think), the justice speech / kenji fight (GOD hes so cool) and when he gets hit by the car (that was THE FUNNIEST ever)

idea for a story

oh my god okay so imagine jouno is sick and tecchou is taking care of him . that is all

unpopular opinion

i dont actually think i have an unpopular opinion for tecchou . at least not one that i can think of???? like with tecchou i think most of my hcs line up with how a lot of the fandom talks about him

favorite relationship

EASILY WITHOUT A DOUBT ITS SUEGIKU OH MY GOD

favorite headcanon

he can cook !!!!! he can cook really well and i like to imagine even though he refuses to eat anything thats not the same color he likes cooking stuf he knows jouno likes and doesnt force him to eat any of his "weird" food combos because he knows jouno doesnt really like stuff like that so he cooks how jouno likes for jouno and how he likes for himself . UAHUAUAHGUA

FYODOR

first impression

i think i initially went "oh my god" when i saw fyodor . fell for him IMMEDIATELY and also initially hated fyolai???

impression now

still falling . now love fyolai . improvements !!!

favorite moment

YES. /j

in all seriousness, some of my favorite moments with fyodor are uuh

the dead apple scene where hes on the rooftop and goes "this is too much fun :)" because i think honestly that scene made me fall SO HARD . also he just looks really pretty there dont question me

time for happy group counseling hour !!!!!! hmm? hi everybody im your host fyodor dostevsky- okay hold up stop right there. whats the problem? exactly, what? exactly what what? ooooooooh . life counseling . < that whole scene

ALSO THE THE THE the tHE . WHERE HE KICKS NIKOLAI'S BOOMBOX IN THE MANGA. HSE SO MEAN I LOVE HIM

idea for a story

oh my god. ok so basically . connected oneshots but one member of fyosiglai is individually insecure for some reason and the other two are like FUCK NO YOU ARENT and love them and cherish and praise them until theyre like oguhgug

unpopular opinion

hes pretty i LOVE HIM hes SO PRETTY ive seen HUNDREDS of people say hes UGLY hes SO NOT UGLY i LOVE HI

(in all seriousness, ive seen a lot of people say he'd be like, an abusive manipulative awful husband / boyfriend / whatever, and i literally just cannot see that happening . like, i feel like he'd want the perfect world FOR his s/o, he fell for them for a reason sort of thing . idk maybe i just love him but hgjkahfjkahdfjk)

favorite relationship

fyosiglai. or fyodor and me /j (/hj)

favorite headcanon

UUUUUH UH UH UH UH UH OH MY GOD I HAVE SO MANY HCS ABOUT HIM I LOVE HIM hes a cat person thats one of my favorites . if there is a cat on his lap he will not move

i also love the idea that he cannot for the life of him play horror games because he gets jumpscared and screams and he HATES that bc "vulnerability bad" (nikolai likes when he plays horror games anyway he thinks its funny when he gets jumpscared and screams really loud)

actually scratch that . fyodor is just bad at video games because i love that idea . hes good at logic games but when it just comes down to "survive!!!" or "do this objective" or something i love the idea that hes just Dog Ass at it

#xanbox #bsd #mori ougai #tecchou suehiro #fyodor dostoevsky #originally in the mori unpopular opinion one i remembered the word thats not abstract mid sentence and then i forgor #feel like these arent very good sorry JAYAUIHASIJFHAJKSFD #been writing for like 30 minutes im so fr #xanthinks

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thaeonblade · 10 months

Text

Okay MHA...I’m tired...

I know I’m going to get hate for this and I don’t care. But can My Hero Academia go five minutes without romanticizing a fucked abusive unhealthy, destructive or terrible relationship? Because right now, the heroes look like self-righteous dumbasses who should not be trusted nor have any good sense of reason, logic or frankly a consistent sense of morality, ethics and justice. And every time the story pulls out that “the villain is a child inside” crap or goes on about how life was unfair to the mass murderer, it makes the villain look more and more unintentionally unsympathetic. Can heroes like Izuku and Ochako be allowed to set boundaries and priorities to let horrible people hurt them without being considered bad heroes or bad people? Is it really bad for them to not let themselves get hurt just to validate some asshole’s feelings? Ochako doesn’t owe Toga shit. Toga isn’t entitled to shit. But the story is basically absolving Toga of all of the shit she’s done so that Ochako looks heroic for bleeding to death to reach out to this selfish murderous psycho bitch with a stalker complex. It doesn’t make Toga sympathic, it makes her look even more selfish. It doesn’t make Ochako a better character, it actually makes her kind of pathetic and hard to respect. I’m not sorry, I can’t respect people who disregard lives lost, families destroyed and can actually look a mass murderer in the eye and say that she has a lovely smile and admires how carefree she is while attacking her and her friends. This is Ochako’s big moment apparently. Enabling and coddling a fucking murderer because holding her accountable for her crimes and telling her that she mad bad choices and she’s responsible for them is “bad”. Society may have been unfair to Toga, but Society didn’t make Toga kill Saito (yes he’s dead per the databook) or any of the people she left to bleed to death, Himiko Toga choose that for herself. However, when I say Toga’s responsible for her choices I also state that she has the ability to make the right choice and do the right thing. Same goes for Shigaraki, but that requires taking personal ownership and responsibility for your actions. This is why the Toga and Ochako storyline sucks so much because it acts like Toga’s entitled to sympathy and patience and completely ignores all of the horrible and shitty things she’s done or been apart of. When Ochako says that she “can’t forget Toga’s actions”, this is empty protest and her actions and other words like “have my blood for the rest of my life” don’t add up. And no, Toga being bisexual does not excuse shit. She’s still a psycho murderer and deserves consequences. She sure as shit doesn’t deserve Ochako after nearly killing her and all of the harm she’s caused against her and her friends. I won’t change anyone’s mind here, but wanting TogaChako canon is basically saying you support a fucked up relationship between a selfish psychotic murderous borderline-sexual predator and the girl she’s trying to murder. If you want to support a Yuri ship, at least pick one that isn’t romanticizing or enabling abuse and romantizing suffering for an abusive or harmful partner like for example Momo x Kyoka. If Toga was a male, ya’ll would agree with me and you know it. I halfway wonder if some of you only ship TogaChako despite all of the objective red flags because you’re that desperate or thirsty for some kind of validation. Well sorry folks, you’re picking the wrong hill to stand on because canon-wise it sucks. Fanon wise, you can make it whatever you want, I mean it. I’ve read plenty of good fanfics where Toga got the help she needed before she went off the deep end and I enjoy reading about her relationship with other characters like Ochako and Izuku. But just like how Fanon Aizawa or in some cases “Dadzawa” is very different from the objectively asshole Canon Aizawa, Fanon Toga is a sweetheart compared to the psycho murderer Canon Toga is. I honestly wouldn’t care what you ship because it’s your business. I highly question your choice of ship, but feel free to ignore me and enjoy your warped fucked up ship as you please. With that said, I’m free to dislike said ship and use evidence from the story to point out how this is the worst possible cruelty you could inflict on Ochako. But please stop pretending like Canon Toga wouldn’t be a constant threat to anyone she was with. She fucking stabbed the first guy she had a crush on and he died (again databook) and even if he didn’t die, that’s still not someone who should be shipped with anyone. And after reading all of that, if you think I’m some kind of sexist, homophobic asshole because I don’t absolve or excuse murderers regardless of race, sex or sexual identity then we have nothing to discuss because I’m not wasting any breath on you. Fuck off. For the record, I already had this problem with the Bakugou and Izuku dynamic where Bakugou basically gets no consequences for his objectively bad actions and attitude. No justice for ten years of abusive bullying; No accountability for trying to kill Izuku during the training exercise; Izuku holds Bakugou on a pedestal he doesn’t deserve and basically does all of the suffering and giving for their messed up relationship; and the story doesn’t even do the bare minimum to make Bakugou’s “redemption arc” passable. The story ignored it for almost 300 chapters and then puts in a few grand gestures then acts like that’s all that’s needed and goes no further. I also have this issue with how Izuku is lionized for acting on blind idealism and emotionality to try and “save” Shigaraki despite the thousands he’s chosen to kill; the path of villainy that he’s chosen to take; and how he’s going to kill everyone if he’s not stopped. Society didn’t make Shigaraki become a villain; attack USJ; attempt to murder the Class 1-A students and teachers multiple times; send an attack against the Camp; try to make Bakugou join him or die; make an alliance with Overhaul whose torturing a child; or willingly take AFO’s quirk to be even more destructive and evil. That was Shigaraki’s choice. Tomura Shigaraki made that choice. Tenko Shimura made that choice. The little child within Shigaraki is irrelevant. It’s not who you are underneath, but what you do that defines you. If Izuku and Ochako really respected Shigaraki and Toga, they’d respect their choices and stop holding back. Take off the kiddie gloves and defeat them however they have to. If the villains have to die so that no one else is killed at their hands? So be it. Nope, instead the story treats Shigaraki and Toga like children who can’t be held responsible for their actions because it’s all society’s fault. Which is insulting to them as characters, insulting to the many they’ve killed and Izuku and Ochako are also disrespecting their friends, teachers and comrades who’ve died or almost died including Midnight who was killed by one of Shigaraki’s men on Shigaraki’s command. What is heroic about disregarding the families destroyed? How will Ochako and Izuku explain themselves to the families of Shigaraki and Toga’s victims? Will they have any answer that doesn’t involve blind emotionality or idealism? I doubt it. What’s wrong with holding the villains accountable for their actions and giving them deserved consequences and acknowledging that society is flawed and wrong them? They are not mutually exclusive. You don’t have to scream at the audience about how you’re ignoring the problem if you don’t absolve these unsympathetic people because you know murder is wrong. And while we’re at it, if Horikoshi really wanted a story about Izuku and Bakugou repairing their relationship, then he needs to hold Bakugou accountable and responsible for his shit. Izuku needs to be allowed to love himself, knock Bakugou off of his “symbol of victory” pedestal, and learn that he doesn’t need to tolerate shit from Bakugou nor prove anything to him. Instead, Horikoshi’s portraying his characters as emotional pushovers and I’m sick of abusive horrible harmful people being treated like they’re entitled to sympathy, empathy or whatever. All because society wronged them and that apparently validates their chaotic emotions and how they’re lashing out and killing thousands of people. Yet, the story expects us to treat them like they’re the victims and they’re therefore entitled to infinite patience, forgiveness and empathy. They’re not. They’re entitled to a punch to the face. And I’m done here. Note: If you disagree with what I said then do so with respect. I don’t care if you agree with me, but harassment, threats and bullying will not be tolerated. Note: Just because I’m critical of MHA, doesn’t mean I’m any less of a fan. I just will not ignore its major problems as I’ve outlined. So if anyone wants to tell me that “I’ll have no peace in this fandom”, then just know that I don’t give a damn if you think I belong here or not. PS: Despite my harsh and blunt language, I really have nothing personally against TogaChako, BakuDeku shippers or whatever. I just hate these ships because of the unfortunate implications within them due to the canonical actions and attitudes of Bakugou and Toga. I strongly and fundamentally disagree with anyone who’d support or defend these ships and it honestly annoys how much some fans desperately force their interpretations over other fans, but otherwise you can like what you like. I just reserve the right to hate what I want to hate and sadly, your ship checks off all of the wrong boxes.

#mha critical #toga critical #bakugou critical #shigaraki critical #ochako critical #izuku critical #abusive relationships #mha393 #mha394 #Togachako critical #Bakudeku critical #rant #essay #responsibility

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iamjustalittle · 9 months

Text

ABO, Mpreg, Alpha Max / Omega Daniel, ~800 Words.

This was the first fic that I wrote about Maxiel when my friend asked me to take a look at this madness of a couple. And I did and went insane. So the dynamic is not very exactly what I think they will share if I write it again but I think it is kinda funny nevertheless.

Family Day was usually Daniel's responsibility. Daniel was super popular among kids, parents, and teachers – at this point, it was no surprise. Every time he went to pick up Jasper, their little boy, he brought some snacks and bribed many of the kids' classmates, which went a very long way.

Although Daniel loved Family Day very much and even wanted to take the opportunity from Max again, the healthy development of a child required both fathers to do their jobs. It was really weird how he got to this point if you thought about seven years ago. Daniel had been (literally) screaming like a pile of chicken in front of the mirror when he took a look at the pregnancy test and woke up Max, who went straight into full panic mode. He had only had some dumbass experiences with kids, them flopping to the ground and crying, and he had been dying, laughing his brain out by their side.

How he had made it this far, he had no clue, but for one, Daniel was very proud of himself.

He had to comfort himself with something good because Max going to Family Day alone was stressing him out. Max was a very good dad, don't get him wrong, but sometimes they, both of them, pulled some ridiculous dad shit that a dad would do.

The theme of Family Day was to build electric toy cars. Parents and kids worked together, and based on the results of a series of small games, they could choose different parts to assemble the final car. Finally, the cars raced on a 100-meter track on the playground.

Both Verstappens were very serious. Between the two, one was much more serious than the other—one of them went to the teachers almost at every step to discuss the reasonableness of the race design. Well, this indeed put the teachers and the principal in an awkward position. This seriousness could be understood because Family Day was planned based on the parents' different professions, and the WDC was probably not included in the teachers' prepared plans originally. Max thought they should. This was Monaco, at the end of the day.

Things finally got out of control when they were ready to bring the race cars on the scene. Little Verstappen had probably never been treated this way by his dad, as Max just snatched away the better toy tire that they won from the previous game. He faced his deflated tire on his toy car and watched his dad write on his own car: "No.1 Verstappen."

"Daddy," he poked Max's waist. "I am No.1 Verstappen."

"Who said that?" Max raised the toy car in his hand and examined it from the back (rear wing), actually not even giving his son a glance.

"Papa. Papa said I am the best Verstappen!" the son said proudly, patting his chest.

"Papa's number is 3. How does he know who No.1 is?" Max said sincerely. "Papa is lying to you. I think I am No.1, and everyone can see that. I mean you also have Ricciardo in your name!”

Jasper just could not understand what he was talking about. He’s six. But Max just kept going.

“And you know, daddy’s name is Max. Do you know what Max means? Max means the greatest in English. Which means No.1.”

“And also the first No.1 to your papa. Most importantly.” He added. Sebastian’s face showed up in his mind for a moment, which made his voice even louder and clearer.

At least this time his son got the memo.

When Daniel arrived at the scene, his son was still sobbing in the teacher's arms and didn't want to come out. Max stood beside the teacher, looking helpless, with messy hair and shirt. He tried to coo and had no luck whatsoever. He scratched his head, also on the edge of freaking out as he glanced at Daniel, with a scent full of chaos. "We haven't even competed... He has been crying! Why is he crying?"

Daniel's veins were about to pop from his head. He apologized to the teacher, half-knelt in front of little Ricciardo-Verstappen, wiped his tears, hurriedly offered him a strawberry lollipop, and then hugged him, patting Jasper’s back, while giving Max a stern look. "What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything, I mean, my car is just a little better than his, that's the truth..."

An Alpha being stared at by an Omega and retreating, how strange. Max began to pull his hair again, and he started to explain with his hands everywhere. "I said I am the number one Verstappen... You shouldn't lie to him because I mean you love…"

"Max Verstappen," Daniel interrupted. "Shut your mouth."

#maxiel #omega Daniel #alpha max #fanfic

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trashexplorer · 1 year

Text

Title: Sunshine After Smoke Blue Rain vol. 1

Status: Completed (vol 1 ofc cause there be 3 vols oof)

Author/Artist: Hamada Kamome

Synopsis:

The person who saved Sakutaro from a close brush with danger was none other than Kuji Shizuka, his co-worker-cum-rival and his old company’s top earner in the past. Even though Kuji’s detestable personality has remained unchanged in the eight years they were apart, he now surprisingly works as a translator and sports a longer hair-do to match his more mellowed out vibe.

I’m open to re-translation and can trade my vol. 1 cleans for the succeeding volumes. Please refer to my re-translations post to see if there already is a scan team re-translating this work in the same language you will be proposing.

Please don’t upload/post this on reading sites and don’t forget to support the author by buying the original goods if you can!

Spazz

Happy New Year, everyone!

Sorry for the late tumblr announcement yet again. Some of y'all might've already seen this floating around on the gsite, but I was trying to make some last minute changes before posting. I unfortunately had to let my pc rest in peace a few days ago, so I just decided to roll with it. 🙃

Anywho, I have many feelings but not enough words to accurately describe the devastating waterfall of tension that is Hamada Kamome’s Smoke Blue. First of all, have y’all seen how hot Kuji is??? LIKE, EXCUSE ME, IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL TO BE THAT HOT IN LITERALLY EVERY FUCKING PANEL??? The way I was choosing a panel to insert here but ended up with all of them??? He had every single thing I wanted in a top-

HE’S A LONG-HAIRED, TURTLENECK WEARING, YES-I-DO-THE-COOKING-YES-I-DO-THE-CLEANING, INTELLECTUAL, SNARKY BUT 100% WHIPPED FOR HIS BEAU MOTHERFUCKER FOR GODDSAKES.

I would gladly smuggle drugs just so I could give my househusband Kuji the bougiest life he deserves.

As for Azuma, the way I just had to go step away from the pc every few moments to cool myself down from his shenanigans. I won’t spoil any of them here. I want y’all to experience him for yourselves. Don’t let Kuji’s looks fool you, the person who has the reins on this relationship is actually this dumbass. 😂 Azuma too powerful. We’re all at his mercy ugh. But that’s exactly why I love Hamada Kamome’s recent bottoms. All the tops are pudding in the hands of their bottoms and all the bottoms take charge in and out of the bedroom. 🙈 Praise be.

#tes

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lizhrs · 2 years

Text

yeagerist leader ! eren punishing y/n

warnings: dubcon/noncon. obsession. knife play. blood. god like complex eren? (wc: 1515)

you can’t breathe.

the already limited air in your lung diminishes with every stroke the jagged dagger makes along your back, dark spots and rimmed edges blurring your vision every time you find the strength to open your eyes as more tears stream down your face. you can't breathe.

yet it's not like your tormentor cares. no—eren takes pleasure in it. relishes in every whimper that escapes your lips, every strained cry.

"did all those hours of training do nothing?" he asks, forming another cut on your back, the blood dripping onto the small puddle that’s already formed on the floor ages ago.

he's disturbingly focused. the urge to teach you a lesson—the excuse he uses when all he's really doing is giving into his sick desire of punishing you——always excites him.

he's cruel. always so cold, even while playing with his favorite soldier.

you want to fight back, your pride wants to push him away and stand up but to do something like that was senseless. even if you did manage to get out of his grip, there would be guards outside the door, ready to push you back in. right into the arms of an angrier eren, the all powerful leader who let a useless soldier get the best of him. his punishments after a move like that would be even more...creative.

you writhe in pain as the next cut is made a little deeper than the others, you can't feel anything other than the burning sensation on your back. you manage to take a deep breath, crying out pathetically as you find the strength to say something. "n-no more. p-lease m' sorry—no more." you heave, nails digging into his thighs.

you’ve broken two rules in under five seconds, touching him without permission and babbling like a baby when he told you to stay quiet but the pain overtakes your fear in that moment. "i didn't mean to—"

"you didn't mean to?" he growls. you flinch at the sound. is he still not satisfied? the anger is evident in his tone, somehow it's even more vivid than it was before. "didn't mean to screw up your job for the millionth time? didn't mean to be a dumbass who lost my hostage? is that what you're talking about?"

"i—" you pant. "i'm sorry." you can't plead your case and say it wasn’t your fault, that would just increase his rage. besides, it was your fault if we’re being honest.

you were the idiot that didn't make sure the ropes were still tight around the hostages wrists, the idiot that just had to leave base at the worst time possible. but it’s not like the blame can fall completely on you. there was another soldier there, why didn’t he make sure everything was intact when you left?

why isn't he getting punished? it's always you. it's always your pain eren thrives on, your whimpers he loves to hear.

he takes his time to plan his next cut, choosing to carefully cut it along your shoulder blade. you squeeze your eyes shut, gritting your teeth in agony. “i can't! i'm sorry! i was wrong, it'll never happen again. please—please forgive me. please."

a couple seconds of silence pass before he sighs, sounding almost bored. "have you ever been able to do your job right?" he maneuvers your body, ignoring your whimpers as he adjusts your positions so you're now straddling him.

“from day one, you've been an absolute waste. i won't have you messing up my plan, y/n." his finger wipes away a tear. "maybe it's best if i just keep you around for something you're actually good at. a wet hole to keep me company when i need it."

he drops the dagger, his hands coming to rest on your thighs instead, he strokes them a bit. a shiver runs throughout your body at both the feeling and harsh words leaving his mouth. "what do you think?" his voice is eerily calm and almost innocent, despite the candidness of his words.

you've trained years for your career. left your family behind. suffered through countless situations to finally make a name for yourself and somehow you ended up here. on the lap of a man who's ready to watch the world burn to get what he wants.

at first you wanted to serve under him. his passion and devotion excited you, his charming words and gleaming eyes swayed you. but now you just want out. you want to go back home, stop fighting battles that you never should've partaken in, break out from the abusive hold he has over you...but you can't. he knows it and you know it.

he likes how helpless you are.

"n..no." your voice is barely audible but he hears, the grin on his face stretching even wider.

"no? you continue to defy me and yet you'll still act like a victim when i put you in your place? what kind of soldier refuses their ruler's orders?”

"i—i don't mean to be defiant." more tears fall down your cheeks. "b—but i don't want to—i want to be out on the battlefield." your voice cracks, the state of how pathetic you are becoming more obvious every second.

you don't want to.

but it beats the alternative.

his hands brush against your back lightly but it still makes you flinch, makes you bite down on your bottom lip to refrain from whining.

"you'll end up getting yourself killed or others. would you be able to live with yourself if that happened? you know how useless you are when it comes to protecting…well anything really."

your breath hitches, eyes squinting shut as even the shining gold in eren's office seems to be too bright for your eyes. your strength is decreasing by each second that comes and goes. that's what he wanted. a strong arm wraps around your waist, pulling you closer to him. you slump against him, back crying out in relief for the small mercy.

"n..i won't..." you sigh, head hurting at every word you mutter.

"you will." he grabs the small mirror that you now realize was strategically placed next to him, he knew what he wanted to do before you even stepped in the room. you can feel his hands moving around your body but you’re too dazed to do anything about it, not that you could even if you had the strength. you’re not given a chance to gather your thoughts or comprehend what he's doing before his fingers are tightening around your body, slamming your soft flesh down onto his cock.

you gasp, fingers clenching down. "i think we can both agree this is where you belong." he whispers in your ear, the goosebumps already forming on your body. you bite down on your lip, refusing to give him the satisfaction of making any more pathetic noises.

no matter how times your body is forced to accommodate his length, you're still not used to it. you groan at a particular thrust, purposefully digging your fingers into his shoulder at a feeble attempt to hurt him the same way he's hurting you:

"look at the way you're clenching down on me, like you were made for it."

you heave, squinting the tears away. "n-no!" you hiccup, hating the way you're being bounced, manhandled like you're nothing but a toy.

he brings the mirror to your back, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at it. the dread in your stomach reaches an all time high at the sight in front of you. you should've known he wasn't just making random cuts on your body. he's too vindictive for that, too petty when it comes to showing you where you belong.

four letters have been carved into your back, each one sloppy but unfortunately still easy to read. it's humiliating, exactly what he was going for. another jab at your already low mental health and self esteem.

MINE.

the fact you'll never be able to part with it almost makes bile comes up. even if you do manage to get away, the reminder of what happened will always stick with you. what you went through, what he put you through.

you quickly turn away, not wanting to look at the mirror anymore. not wanting to see that horrible image. but he grabs your chin, forcing you to face him. a few strands of his hair have fallen in front of his eyes but they’re still as piercing as ever.

“this is where you belong, y/n. not out there fighting battles you’re too useless to win. you belong here—stretched out on my cock.” he stares in awe at the pretty sight in front of him. cute little face torn with shame and despair, wet pouty lips with insatiable tears falling down your cheeks.

it’s intoxicating.

seeing you like this. being the one who can break and put you back together whenever he feels like it.

“so you can stay here, keeping me satisfied as i go save the world.”

he can never let you go.

#eren jeager #eren yeager #eren x you #eren x reader #eren x y/n #eren fanfiction #eren fic #eren smut #eren yeager smut #eren yeager x you #eren yeager x reader #aot x y/n #aot smut #yeagerist

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stargirlfeyre · 11 months

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The “touching” moments between the Archeron family just always fell flat to me. Their father naming boats after them, Nesta saying she loves Feyre, them cuddling after Feyre saves Elain, Nesta acknowledging that Feyre took care of them for years etc. Idk it all just seems ungenuine. Probably because there was no build up leading to these emotional moments and everyone went back to treating Feyre like shit RIGHT after.

I can’t really feel anything about Nesta telling Feyre she loves her because she’s never shown it. Like at all. Feyre may have been the first one to receive an “I love you” from Feyre but she’s also the only who’s Nesta continuously treated like shit for years. Why would I believe Nesta loves her if she had more kindness and empathy for two strangers than her pregnant baby sister?

I can’t feel anything about the sisters cuddling after Feyre saves Elain because why did it take Feyre risking her life for Elain for her sisters to show her kindness? Why did it take her almost dying for you to hug her? Feyre risked her life every day for Nesta and Elain and she never got a thank you once but her almost dying because Elain’s dumbass got lured into Hybern is what causes her sisters to finally be thankful?

I can’t feel anything for their father coming to help them with ships named after them because where was this energy years ago? On top of that you’re choosing to ride the boat of the girl who would move your cane so you couldn’t walk and actively despised you instead of the person who took care of you and the rest of the family for years?

#feyre archeron #nesta archeron #elain archeron #archeron sisters

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shadowxamyweek · 2 years

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So... I run this blog, yeah? This one, a ShadAmy ship blog, in the good year of our lord 2022.

Why?

I like the ship. You say, 'yeah no shit dumbass,' but I really like the ship. It is the ship that formulated a blueprint for my fleet of favorite ships all under one flag. It is my ship of dreams.

And I'm not someone who grew up with Archie, which is where a lot of old-school shippers come from. I knew ABOUT Archie and what I knew scared me. Even post-reboot, I didn't want to touch it. I was firmly entrenched in the games and the games only (to a large degree, I still am. They are the only actual 'canon' in my opinion, no matter the many cool things IDW and Archie may have done.)

I'm also not someone who just wants to see their fave in a cute ship. They're both favorites of mine -I like them both separately just as much as I like them together.

So why the fuck did I love these two characters together so much when they hardly even talk?

This moment.

Because it was always going to be this moment.

I'm about ten years of age playing this game, my mind being totally blown by the plot and the characters, and it all comes to a grinding halt... to talk.

But me liking this scene didn't happen right away.

It happened in stages.

(Trigger warning. Heads up for mild mentions of gaslighting and issues with eating disorders. Shit you not, this is canon to their history.)

Part 1- Why do I like Shadow?

I knew from the start I liked Shadow.

There's something about a character that is not a 'nice person,' but they are, very much, a 'good person.' They are, in their own way, trying very hard to do the right thing.

Shadow was designed as a weapon, first and foremost. That's what G.U.N. wanted them for and that's how Gerald found his funding, even if he was also designing Shadow to be a cure/aid for Maria on the sly. Shadow went through a lot of hell because of that. Yet regardless of his history, he still makes the decision to get up every day and do his best to solve whatever situation is in front of him, bit by bit, striving steady forward to make the world a better place.

Too often, the messy, personal business of having to recognize your faults is minimized for the protagonist and amplified for everyone else that they are with. Especially in recent media (last 10-years ish, in my opinion,) you don't get a lot of protags that might not be likable all the time. You don't have that moment where they realize what they have done, are reeling from guilt and self loathing and shame, and have to make the conscious effort to do better.

But Shadow is.

This is a character who was gaslight (actual genuine memory manipulation with malicious intention I CANNOT make this shit up), fed a lie for purpose, their personality weaponized. Their love turned into an atomic bomb.

Then, they had to unlearn that and become themselves again.

I want more heroes like that. I want heroes that were or could have been villains, and instead of and dying in a last redemptive act (as if it makes up for everything they have done), they live... and they have to keep living. They have to keep learning. They have to be... you know... people.

I know a lot of people debate over whether or not Shadow as actually suppose to stay dead after SA2, and in everything I have read, the evidence seems inconclusive. Either way, I'm glad they brought him back. I'm glad they made him live and learn (pun intended) and choose to be better. Not as a weapon, not as a cure, but as themself.

That makes for a great story and character study. That's always the sort of thing I want to sink my teeth into and stay awake reading and rereading and coming back to it with new eyes.

Furthermore, Shadow... well, they are a person who scares people. The design, the demeanor, the articulation (or lack thereof) in regards to motivation and thought. It doesn't matter if they mean to, it happens.

And they're fine with it.

They don't need to be verbal all the time. They don't need to understand social cues or unspoken rules. They are allowed to go off and stare at nothing and think in the quiet because it's comfortable. This guy was living my fucking dream.

Also, Shadow was also my first introduction to Nonbinary Thoughts that I had ever seen. This person walks in with their highlights and eyeliner and fluffy self with their dope kicks and sweet color pallet and a cool voice and I had all sorts of joy lighting up inside me. This was like glam rock. This was like seeing Mercury or Lennox for the first time, or realizing that sometimes, the chick-parts in theater productions are played by boys and the dude-parts are played by girls. I dunno how else it put it. It's the moment you go, 'ooooh,' before you flip the flimsy table that the binary gender code has placed itself upon.

This fantasy hedgehog bastard and I have a lot in common, and I've leaned on that a couple of times to remind myself I'm not alone because, for the longest time... I didn't know any living people who had gone through what I had. I have since found friends over time with similar situations, and they all mean the world to me, but Shadow for years was the imaginary friend of a lonely kid who scared the other kids.

That means a lot to me.

Part 2- Why do I like Amy?

I use to not like Amy.

(As such, the order of thought for this segment is going to be different. Sorry in advance.)

I hasn't played any other Sonic game before SA2, so my first encounter with her was not the best. I didn't understand why she was here. I didn't understand why she acted the way she did. I didn't like her voice actor, or her dialog lines, or how she was just written as 'the girl'. Every other character got to be cool and do shit and be playable and Amy was just There(tm). Later I played SA1 and realized she was cool but how she was written in every game seemed to just be decided by dice. Yeah, they used the same dice, so the basic characteristics stayed the same, but the way they were portrayed or portioned fluctuated drastically. I never knew what she was going to show up like.

And that's partially on me- I was stuck in a binary jam as a kid. Still, even beyond that, she as a character and I did not gel.

And then I played Sonic Battle.

(tw // eating disorders)

I keep saying I need to replay Battle, if only to get evidence of this. There's a part of me that wants to believe I made it up, just to avoid the implications, but I know I didn't.

In Battle, like in SA1, SA2, and 06, you play through multiple perspectives of a story (always did like that sort of gameplay.) During the story, you get to be both Cream and Amy, and you find something out during this.

Amy has an eating disorder.

This may be a headcanon, and I am biased, but this obsession to the point of illness with her weight and figure has appeared a couple of times including out if gameplay (I know, breaking my own rule about game canon focus). For an older example, there's an issue in the Sonic manga Spin and Dash where Amy falls for one of Eggman's schemes for weight loss since she's worried she's gaining weight. She then comes back emaciated, asking Sonic and Tails if she looks pretty. Most recently, there is official art of Amy punching a punching bag with a picture of ice cream on it while Germal watches, which is a direct reference to that I am about to relay.

In Battle, you go against Amy several times in a form of combat called Boxercising. Canonically, it is stated that Amy got into Boxercising to get stronger and help out more on missions, but then became obsessed when she realized she could lose weight. Though Cream protests all the 'training' saying Amy is too tired due to her lack of eating and constant training, Amy keeps insisting she wants to go another round. You do this a few times, and then, it is revealed that she has been wearing weights this entire time.

I use to wear weights all the time, around my ankles and under long pants so nobody noticed. I did it to try and lose weight. You want to know what happens when you do that? You fuck up your ligaments and tendons. I had to take a second. Then, I went back to the game. It got worse from there.

After the fighting, Amy passes out. When she awakens, after a bit of dialog, she asks then-Emerl how she could loose more weight. The robot proposes a ridiculous training regiment and a diet in which Amy is to only eat salad leaves and some other minimal insane bullshit, and though Cream is horrified, Amy insists she can do it.

And I hated it.

I hated how of course it was Amy. I hated how this was played for laughs. I hated how they'd pick the Girl Character(tm) because eating disorders are coded girlish apparently and once again I'm sitting there hating everything to do with everyone but especially whoever thought that was funny or let that mistake (if it was a mistake) slide or whatever. I was angry.

But it was at that moment I saw Amy in a new light. I had never seen another character go through this, not in the way I did. I decided to go back and give her character a second look.

What I found upon putting aside my own self loathing was a wonderful character. Yes, she, like everyone else, suffered from tone changes between games, but at the core, she was a really wonderful person doing the best she could out of love for everything and everyone.

Yes, she is stubborn and maybe sometimes a bit selfish. Yes, she has tunnel vision and sometimes that causes a problem. I will remind the court that the kid in canon is 12/13 and which one of you was the perfect preteen? I reiterate my point about flawed protagonists. I reiterate my point about multifaceted characters. I reiterate my point that a person is allowed to be a person and that makes them better than a cardboard cuttout that can be projected upon.

She's not a manic pixie dream girl, she's a fucking supernova.

She loves her friends, her found family, her home, her planet, the strangers she meets on the street, everyone. This girl will remind you to take care of yourself right before she throws hands with god. This girl is a badass because she loves fiercely and terribly. No, not in the 'cool, masculine way' that seemed to be the only permissible volatile love I saw in media, but in her way.

It's not a thing that just is. That sort of love comes from wanting to love. Making the conscious decision to love, and act on that love, in the best way a person knows how.

Just like you, or I, or anyone else.

And how deeply, how furiously, how passionately and totally a person can love everything, anything, and in spite of whatever is going on, decide to act on that love with a desire to do good for the sake of doing good.

That means a lot to me.

Part 3: The Ship of Dreams

We come back to this moment, because it was always going to be this moment.

An unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.

But they are not on opposite sides. In fact, they are very much on the same side. These two love fiercely and terribly. They want to do the right thing. They are willing to sacrifice happiness and safety in order to achieve that.

And once they realize this, they work together to do the right thing out of love.

This post, I think, does a very nice job of elaborating on a facet of that concept.

---

@wizardofthebog

The “This character who is flawed, traumatized and hurting cannot be saved by love. But they can choose recovery because they are loved”-trope makes me just… I think I need to lay down.

@theoneandonlymagiscientist

“saved by love” and “choose recovery because loved” look similar on the surface, perhaps because the end results look similar, but they’re so different really. It’s passive vs. active; a story is about the person who’s making choices, being proactive. If Character A is saved by love, then it’s not them the story is about, it’s about their savior, Character B. If Character A chooses recovery, then they’re the one the story is about. Character B is the side character this time.

One is the narrative of taking what is broken and fixing it. It is not about the ‘broken’ person, it’s about the ‘savior’ who ‘fixes’ them.

One is a tale of healing. It is not about one person ‘fixing’ the other, it’s about the person who makes a conscious decision to not let their pain define them.

In one, the story is about the person who loves the hurt person, and the hurt person’s pain is incidental to the main character’s arc. In the other, the story is about the hurt person themself, and the other person’s love is incidental to their arc.

I hope I’ve said this well enough. My words may not be coming out the right way to express what I’m trying to say. Sometimes they do that.

---

There's also this quote from Guillermo del Toro

---

"The beast doesn’t need to transform to be loved. He doesn’t have to turn into a boring fucking prince to be loved. Or renounce to the essence of who it is. To me love is not transformation, love is acceptance and understanding."

---

And what about these closing lines from Niel Gaiman's observations on love given at a friend's wedding?

---

"- In the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again."

---

I believe in love: the concept, the idea, the goal. I believe that, upon achieving the goal of fostering love, in maintaining it, enabling it to thrive, to be happy and be healthy.

I believe in people and the power they have as individuals, and how that power finds new strength when people work together as a unit, as a team, as friends and confidantes and lovers.

Love to me is being in lock step, hand in hand, walking forward together.

And I just so happen to see it in these two silly, fictional hedgehogs.

#shadamy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #tw // eating disorder #tw // gaslighting #i seriously cannot believe i actually was able to pen this all down. it took me a while #i highly doubt this is what... anyone... expected when they asked why i like the ship but... here it is #op rambles #this took me... days... but i wanted to get it right #thoughts

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brianlesshetaliawritings · 7 months

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You. Give me various headcanons (About the character. not x reader.) on one of your favs

Switzerland and Liechtenstein Headcanons

this started off just as switzerland, and mostly is switzerland, but i decided to add her to the title since i added like two headcanons on her. decided to just tag as switzerland because of this. this isn't as neat as the average request just cuz i put all the things i could remember at the moment.

Switzerland is bad at shooter games, like really bad. But he makes up for it by being really good at certain carnival games, he went through the drama of figuring them out just so he can get his money's worth and actually get something. These are specifically the cup ones and the balloon popping ones, never does the duck thing though because it's not worth the risk. These skills aren't all that used due to him not really going to carnivals unless with Liechtenstein, especially the games or rides.

Speaking of rides, he does not like amusement rides. At all. Which, luckily, he can avoid them because Liechtenstein isn't really a fan of them either. And he's unlikely to go to an amusement park/carnival with anyone else so.. How fun.

Kind of a living calculator, acts like it's totally not impressive even though it really is. Genuinely can answer any math related question, especially about economics or statistics. During world meetings people probably just start asking him questions about math over and over again to annoy him.

Also amazing at gardening, it's been seen that he cares for his flowers a lot and wants them to be in very good quality so I feel he probably grows other things too. He keeps the goats the hell out his garden, they'll probably eat and stomp on everything, and as much as he loves them he will absolutely not allow that.

Switzerland has a bird feeder and bird bath in his garden also, he had to deal with squirrels eating the bird food for awhile though so he got a new one but eventually started feeling bad for the squirrels and got them their own feeder. Had an auction for the old bird feeder at a world meeting, some dumbass bought it for two hundred fifty bucks. He bought it for twenty-five.

He fostered animals before, and still kind of does. He does it every once in a while, and is very very patient with the animals. He never even went out of his way to foster at first he just saw a poster on a bulletin board one day and it haunted him for the rest of the day until he went to the shelter. Went to the place on the poster at four in the morning because he couldn't sleep thinking about it. Now he just gets random calls from the place every once in awhile, rarely denies them. Has done cats, guinea pigs, turtles, tortoises, and rabbits so far. Isn't gonna do dogs just because he's nervous on how the goats will react.

He's not a car guy.. But he does love to see classics, it just makes him a bit nostolgic. He goes to classic car shows every once in a while just to look, he actually probably has a classic that he owns. Doesn't obsess over cars that much though for the most part, isn't into ferraris or anything of the likes, just a nice old car will do.

Likes trains a lot, knows all about them and how they work. Knows pretty much every single one to have ever existed, likes to ride in them. Would always choose trains over any other mode of transport, especially if he's going through the countryside. Would have a crisis if he had to choose between a cheap flight or a train, trains are just more natural to him but also like.. Money is too.

Liechtenstein buys high-end shampoo and puts it in the cheap shampoo bottles switzerland uses. Switzerland thinks that the shampoo just kicked in recently and for some reason made his hair nicer. Liechtenstein uses the old shampoo for bubble baths, so now she also doesn't have to buy the bubble bath stuff.

She actually does not have a long crazy skincare routine, she puts on sunscreen when it's sunny and that's it. Never had skin problems before and probably never will, worst she got was a single pimple after having all sorts of stuff used to draw on her face in her sleep. (This includes lipstick, markers, paint, a couple stickers, and spray cheese..??) Kind of shocking that her friends managed to do that to her while she was sleeping though because she's a pretty light sleeper and usually would notice if something touched her in her sleep.

#hws switzerland #aph switzerland #switzerland headcanons #aph switzerland headcanons #hws switzerland headcanons #hetalia switzerland #hetalia #hetalia headcanons

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kazumahashimoto · 2 months

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all my ff7 rebirth thoughts i can remember upon a first watch, split into good and bad

THE GOOD:

-AERITH'S DAMN SONG IS REALLY GOOD IT'S BEEN STUCK IN MY HEAD. I CRIED.

-both gold saucer dates with aerith were really good. cloud instantly following aerith's bit with the announcer voice shocked me so bad i started crying just a little it was so fucking cute 😭 and i think they did the conversation about zack really well!!!! i like it. i really liked how they traded off helping each other get on/off. very sweets.

-there was a scene like somewhat early on i think with aerith cloud and nanaki where aerith tries to get him to let her touch his paws cos she thinks they'll be soft and he says no. aerith tries to get cloud on her side and he says “i mean, i am curious” I LOVE how he follows her bits. IT'S SO CUTE. HE'S SO SILLY AROUND HER.

-in nanaki's date the paws thing gets referenced with cloud shaking his paw and saying “woah, they are soft” i love a callback. cloud silly moments

-barret saying in-kweh-dible

-CAIT SITH IS SO CUTE. I'M SO JEALOUS OF HIM. HE'S SO CUTE. it is unfortunately tainted by the fact they chose to mispronounced his name however.

-yuffie pretending to hit barret and barret pretending to be hit 😭<3

-BARRET’S STORY WAS DONE PERFECT. i was crying so bad. the visuals, the voice acting, the writing, it was all there. i'm so so glad they stuck the landing with this one.

-VOICE ACTING MOSTLY GOOD. nothing was so terrible i was actively pulling my hair out while it happened like with reunion, so i'm pleased. cody christian has definitely improved since last time too he's kinda lost that awkward disjointed manner of speaking sentences, which i'll always have a fondness for but he really did an incredible job here. i really like the main remake cast's new voices!!! i know the recast wasn't received well by everybody but i really think they're all doing great. the only people i really struggle with are zack, and recently reno? he sounds off. he was lacking whimsy. though we don't see him too much here anyway so shrug. ALSO I REALLY LIKED ELENA'S VOICE. i'm not sure familiar with elena as a character so i can't speak much on how she was being characterized here, but i LOVED what the actress was doing. i love all her inflections. she was always very petulant and cocky and she felt perhaps younger than she actually is? but i think that's what they were going for with her being new. anyway she was a standout for me in terms of new voices for this game.

-aerith says “for real? awesome!” at one point and while i HATE that they changed that line in reunion, the fact that aerith is mimicking zack drives me insane. she says for real at least one more time after this too i love it. i can't remember every instance of her mimicking zack but just assume i got a kick out of all of them

-cloud aerith date after falling into the pit, “you don't look like you're on a date… more like, ‘at a funeral’.” what if i died? what if i blew up right here?

-”cloud…[...]aerith… how the hell am i supposed to choose?” zack so close to realizing he can have them both

-zack cloud and aerith all being alive in the same room together for the first time and two of them are unconscious made me laugh. i stay losing i love it (genuinely it's funny i think it's good that they died ect)

-OH ZACK THROWING A FUCKING LAMP POST OR WHATEVER INTO A HELICOPTER WITHIN THE FIRST FIVE MINUTES OF THE VIDEO GAME HAD ME SCREAMING THAT SHIT WAS SO FUNNY. LIKE GODDAMN. ALRIGHT. WORK.

-”alright. follow my lead.” “look at you takin charge! i like it!” my essay in why zack is submissive,

-AERITH HUGGING CAIT. WWEWEWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

-”QUESTION. am i a dumbass?” “i'm cetra! am i intolerant?” i love you girl.

-cloud junior reminds me of the quaxly i named cloud jr. who was birthed by my friend's quaquaval cloud strife

-blanket statement i love all of cloud and aerith's interactions really i do. even if the plot was annoying me i must admit to enjoying all their cute smiles at each other. real cute. THEY MAKE GREAT GIFSETS !

-WE ARE IN THE FUCKING CLEAR. ANGEAL STAYED DEAD. PHEW.

-zack was looking at a notice board in the slums and there was a banora white poster directly next to his head

-the end scene was real fucking cute. i love a call back. ending on cloud's dumb smiley face and “you promise?” “promise.” AWAYUGH. i like them. they're sweets.

THE BAD:

-zack. oh girl. like, admittedly i was already coming to this from the perspective of “zack lives doesn't need to be canon”, but even STILL. god THEY FUCKED IT. now let me defend my initial stance here too. zack has no narrative purpose being alive in the canon story of ff7. the story of ff7 is already a complete one full of characters that each play their own role in how things turn out in the end. zack has his role. he's there to be cloud’s SOLDIER friend he looked up to, one that saved his life and brought him where he is now. his character gets expanded in crisis core, but ultimately he's still there to die. his role is to be dead. and, looking to crisis core, he gets a full story as well. it's not to say he has no room left to grow, theoretically, but WHAT would his purpose be in the canon story of ff7 if he still lived? here the thing. fanfiction does not need to be canon. fanfic and aus and headcanons are great, they're a wonderful tool to flesh out characters more, get in their heads, it's a chance to explore “what if”s. but they don't need to be canon. just because you like a character and want to see them more does not mean they'd serve an actual narrative purpose in the canon material. there's nothing zack could really offer here, in my opinion, and clearly the writers agree because they didn't give him shit to do.

everytime we skip back over to zack, he isn't doing anything. he's looking over cloud, looking over aerith, he's talking to marlene, to biggs, to elmyra, about NOTHING. “hopes, dreams maybe? something like that.” marlene gives him Weird predictions of the future, which changes nothing. he gives biggs a pep talk, which does nothing. honestly it feels like they were just trying to buy time until they could try and prod some jealousy out of him over cloud and aerith and then the final team up with cloud against sephiroth. and they couldn't even keep him IN CHARACTER the entire time.

i have my small gripes. zack so nonchalantly messing up an angeal speech (which he should have absolutely drilled in his head at this point. hah, one of THOSE, huh.) irks me. i still don't think caleb's voice really suits him, though it was much better this time around. i think zack not realizing that there's literally no way biggs could have possibly met cloud is stupid. but the worst, the most egregious bit of mischaracterization i have ever seen, is marlene telling zack he needs to make cloud better so he can protect aerith, and zack deciding to go to hojo. are you… fucking. kidding me? zack's internal clock is messed up. sure, okay, that doesn't stop him from remembering aerith's letter where she tells him he's been gone for FOUR YEARS. GETTING EXPERIMENTED ON IN A BASEMENT. WITH CLOUD. BY HOJO. and then he just, shows up! he shows up, and he says, “pretty sure i only asked to meet hojo, not a whole platoon.” he says, “whatever. the world's about to end anyway.” do they think he's fucking stupid? do they think he's dumb? do they think zack is so, what, cocky? so sure of himself? that he can’t possibly find all the very obvious flashing warning signs that that idea makes no fucking sense? you expect me to believe zack would just go back? that he'd even consider it? that he'd put his life, CLOUD'S LIFE, AERITH'S LIFE, at risk like that? like i'm speechless. what are they DOING to him? what did this even MEAN for his character? so he finds out aerith has a thing for cloud. he stands next to cloud for a minute. he leaves. what did this add? what did this even set up? nothing. zack being alive had zero impact on the story, so why keep him around to begin with?

-on the topic of biggs, biggs! he also had no fucking purpose! and he won't shut up about it either! survivor's guilt, oh sure, but when he starts waxing poetic about how he doesn't know why he was saved, all i can think is well of course they picked you, the other choices were a woman and a fat guy. no fucking wonder they went with you. AND THEN HE DIES WITHOUT HAVING DONE ANYTHING. he literally added NOTHING to the story. him and zack are just there for hungry fans to point and go LOOK, LOOK! MY FAVORITE IS HERE AGAIN! WE’RE EATING GOOD CRUMBS TONIGHT!

-cissnei. when i tell you cissnei was the literal only new potential plotline i was looking forward to going into this, i mean that fully. and you know what? i got baited. i, too, got baited with look, look, my favorite is here again. i thought of so many different ways cissnei could impact the story, based on the short clip we got from the last trailer, with her saying “it's you!” i thought, cissnei is the only person left who knew zack and cloud simultaneously while they were both alive, besides tifa who's keeping quiet and sephiroth who's fucking with cloud on purpose. this could be so interesting. she recognized him! i'm enthralled. i get to gongaga, cissnei shows up near immediately, and she says, “wait, it's you! oh, i thought you were someone else.” and they move on. it's never brought up again. like. really? really? “i thought you were someone else.” who in the WORLD else could he possibly be. cissnei sees this scrawny, short little “ex soldier first class” running around with the dumbest, FAMOUSLY, CANONICALLY, FREQUENTLY BROUGHT UP IN THIS VERY GAME, ICONIC hair style, and she says “i thought you were someone else.” I DON'T BUY IT. CISSNEI ISN'T STUPID. like it wouldn't have even needed to change the story line. any acknowledgment that she KNOWS him would have been better than THIS. a simple “it’s you! you're still alive!” “what do you mean?” “oh, uh, i saw you on the news!” BOOM there you go, now WE know she knows him, and everyone else just thinks she recognizes him from being wanted by shinra. excellent. but, no! no in fact cissnei serves no narrative purpose beyond “oh, she fulfilled zack's wish from crisis core” and “oh, i know her!”

-the whispers were the worst fucking thing to happen to this fucking franchise. like not only are we getting the dumb “fate” bullshit (that's just there to poke fun at all the fans that wanted remake to be the original story with updated graphics), but we're also getting lost memories! in fact, we're using the whispers as explanations for things that did not need answering from the original game now too! aerith tells tifa about her missing memories, and tifa says she thinks that must be happening to her too. and i suppose i don't doubt that, given the whispers exist in this iteration of the story, tifa would THINK that that's what's happening to her, but what bothers me is that there's an ANSWER. if you're a new fan and don't know how this goes originally, you're going to be thinking “oh, it's the whispers” too. but there was no REASON for there to BE an answer. tifa thinks she's crazy. tifa thinks SHE'S the one in the wrong here, it can't possibly be cloud, but she's SO SURE she doesn't remember him there. there's so much turmoil there, especially as more and more signs point to tifa being right. but here, the answer is whispers. alright, guess tifa's memory is just fucked cos of the whispers. nothing to do about it!

i believe, due to the fact that whispers fucking with memories is something they kept bringing up, that everytime you think “the characters should already know this at this point” the answer is whispers! isn't that fun? isn't it Fun that we're getting plot convenient memory loss on EVERYBODY? honestly by the time they added a third fucking type of whisper i was fully convinced their literal only purpose is to drive the plot in whatever direction the writers feel like at any given moment. we need this character to do x, but how? well the answer is whispers. if EVERYONE is a puppet, what makes cloud so special huh? they're all at the whispers whims. don't seem to be defying much fate right now!

-on the topic of memory loss, yeah the only reason cloud remembers zack this early is so we could get that team up at the end. it's cheap. like, in theory the way they did it makes enough sense, he sees the room at the inn and remembers that he was with someone in there. (the conversation he remembers is also grossly out of character for zack at that point and seriously misleads you on what was such a somber conversation initially but uhhhh let's call it cloud's imagination huh.) alright, he sees the river flowing down the mountain and remembers he watched someone drown, must be zack! makes sense. and then, tifa agrees? yes, he drowned. oh, we should tell aerith. we should, but let me, and let’s keep it a secret. cloud just remembered he had a best friend, he says they were so close, how could he forget, he just remembered that he watched him die. and tifa tells him to keep it a secret? like i understand WHY but isn’t that a bit rude? i don’t know that she'd actually go about it like that. regardless it's getting REAL tiring how they keep adding in scenes early. they did it with the forest scene with aerith in remake and they're doing it here too. IT'S RUINING THE NARRATIVE FLOW!!!!!!

-um. no rocket town? we get cid with no rocket town? like picking up yuffie and vinny different from the original doesn't Super bother me, i think they did it well enough that it's not really worth noting for me, but this is quite the direction for cid. they've sucked all the misogyny right out of him and took out the area where he acts the absolute worst. i've never liked cid! but this just feels like. damn they didn't even wanna TRY getting into cid keeping this woman in his house doing all his chores cos she feels indebted to him. feels a bit selective to me, they had no problem making women squeal at the thought of hojo getting them pregnant, using women as bubbly set dressing, having cloud put a dress on and pretend to be a woman to trick a man into sleeping with him. oh but, cid is just a hair too far. we still need him for the travel though, so, welcome aboard! maybe the whispers made him forget.

-OH MY GOD THEY DIDN'T HAVE CLOUD SAY “did sephiroth… do this?” LIKE!!!!!!!! dude that's like if they decided zack didn't need to say “me? gongaga” to cloud when he asks where he's from. ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

-why did they decide shinra flew tifa out to corel? shinra, who wanted no survivors after the fire. shinra, who sent a full platoon after zack to kill him after he escaped. oh, but, in this one the residents in nibelheim all know that it burnt down? nibelheim, the town that's meant to be full of actors. the residents that are supposed to tell you “what an awful thing to say” when you explain the town burned down five years ago. oh but now it's a town dedicated to helping those with mako poisoning. right.

-i know damn well a furry did not design that galian beast WHERE IS HIS FUR. WHY ARE YOU WHITE. WHY IS HE NOT OURPLE. he looks too much like vinny, which might seem like a silly complaint but given how much he usually Doesn't look like him it kind of feels like they're treating us like we're dumb, like we couldn't possibly understand that that's vinny unless it really looks like him. not a fan.

-sephiroth didn’t even chuck the materia at cloud and then do a flip and fly away. girl you're missing all your most iconic scenes. at this point cloud's not gonna say let's mosey.

-what was the point of roche if they were just gonna essentially kill him off? i hate to sound like a broken record but girl what's the point of having all these characters when they add NOTHING. AND THEN THEY DIE.

-alright i wasn't playing the video game so maybe this was actually INCREDIBLY COMPELLING GAMEPLAY but why were half the puzzles in every area “move a big box very slowly to a location” like. damn no wonder they put that thing in the demo you're gonna be doing it in every area for the next 20 hours

-good christ the ending was so convoluted and confusing. i already don't really care for timeline convergences as a plot point, so of course this really isn’t for me, but even still it was so frustrating and hard to follow. and i think they wanted it to be that way, but that doesn't make it interesting? that doesn't make it thought provoking or compelling, it makes it frustrating and hard to follow. AND MEANINGLESS. AERITH STILL DIED. like they keep going on and on about defying fate, doing whatever, they're taking charge of destiny and whatever. oh, here comes zack to help us fight. and he’s gone. oh, here comes aerith to help us fight, and we're mourning. not cloud though! i really don't get it.

-aerith DIES!!!!!!!! THIS IS A GOOD THING I WAS WORRIED THEY'D PUSSY OUT. and well they kinda did! we don't get the iconic scene of cloud putting her in the water? like her materia falls into the water OK but that's it. it's just cloud holding her and he tells her to wake up and she does and they smile. i tell ya what, it makes a real pretty gifset! and that's it!

-really and truly what bothers me the most about this all is that to so many people, THIS is what the story of ff7 is. to many new fans, this is the only version that matters. they don't care to go back and see what originally happened because the game is old and looks “bad”. no one's getting mad at dissidia for not following exact canon and keeping everyone alive. it's not a matter of everything needing to be 100% accurate all the time. it's the fact that this IS the story of final fantasy 7 in current times. this is what people are currently viewing as default. but it's fucking up the storyline, plot progression, narrative flow, characterization, character importance. and for what? a story that's nearly impossible for someone to fully understand without having prior knowledge of the original, and adds a plot device that mocks fans that just wanted the original's story with updated graphics? that's what bothers me most.

#IT'S PAST MIDNIGHT I NEED TO SLEEP I'M NOT CHECKING FOR ERRORS RN o7 #ff7r spoilers #ff #longpost

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