#law wise in America at least i mean to say

[butchriptide]

genuinely really frustrating that people will like. choose to accept the age mistake made in assassin as canon for deathbringer when it actively contradicts older material. like. sorry idk if this is me being unfair here but genuinely like. why would you think it's intentional when deathbringer is described in main series as maybe a year or two older than glory at most, and can canonically not be any older than 9 due to stated timeline facts in the main series.

like. I get not liking glorybringer, i really do. no ship is for everyone. hell, even if assassin specifically makes you feel weird about it, so be it, to each their own. i can undertsnad that too. and yes, the glorybringer fans who think the age gap are canon are also in the wrong. they're being really gross, i don't think it's necessary to disclaim that, that feels given, but like... that only comes to my point still of like, i really don't understand taking a spin-off as canon over the main series. i don't really understand prioritizing later content as canon as opposed to the main work over spin-off as canon. why should a spin-off take jurisdiction just cuz it's newer? i feel like the older the canon is, the more likely it is the newer stuff will make mistakes. to me, in the case of a contradiction, the main series should be taken to? a spin-off is meant to supplement the main series, so shouldn't it only supplement canon that doesn't contradict?

like also, i get being frustrated it isn't fixed, but also. like. i obviously have not worked with a publisher before, but if I was writing for fucking scholastic books, no matter how well fucking beloved my series was, I don't know if I could risk being like "hey. can you pull my books from shelves and e-stores for me so that I can edit one line?" Like. I really don't think there's any reality in which I can make a corporation agree to that kind of thing, no matter what that one line may fuck up about my main story. like it's not even the only mistake she makes in the winglets. she calls deathbringer a rainwing in the flip book, but we're not hailing that as canon in retrospect, right? I don't know. I think it's unfair to presume that she's choosing not to fix it as opposed to it being an improbable to downright impossible thing to ask of a publisher. like yes tui is an incredibly successful author but i really don't know if we can presume she has that much actual sway on her publisher.

it's just really exhausting as a deathbringer enjoyer to feel like if I want to talk about and enjoy his character, and yes, that includes context given in the assassin winglet once you ignore the timeline error, i feel like I constantlyyy have to be saying "yes I think the timeline error is an error. no i don't think deathbringer is 13." like. every time i bring him up. i'm a riptide fan I'm used to it but also it's sooooo tiring to go into a character tag for a guy i like and be swamped with hatred for him and it's so much worse for deathbringer than riptide because in the deathbringer tag I have to deal with being actively accused of excusing gross shit for liking him instead of people just saying that my blorbo is boring.

#by nightwings standards deathbringer isn't even a fucking adult. like even when I was first reading the books he never read as an adult to #me. and the assassin winglet only further adds to this for me not lessens. he reads so much as #teenager/barely in his 20s guy who grew up #way too fucking fast for his own good but fully buys into his own narrative that he's got everything sorted and together #the way the age system works as I've always interpreted it is that like. each age up to 7 covers a wide but decreasing number of human #maturity years every time and then slows to the years being one-to-one by the time they're 7 #with 7 corresponding to 18 #which makes the nightwings not counting dragonets as fully grown until 10 the equivalent to how 21 is kind of like being an Actual Adult #law wise in America at least i mean to say #deathbringer can't even legally buy beer yet is what I'm saying. some hotels wouldn't let him check in without an accompanying adult #deathbringer #misc #wings of fire #wof #sorry for complaining in main tag but I'm so fucking tired of being made to feel gross for liking a character over material that #no casual fan of the series is even going to know exists or read that is so clearly a timeline error based on everything in the actual #series that I read #does my joke about him not being able to buy beer make up for it #do you guys still think i'm cool #on the note of publishing too #there's no reason to think scholastic could even make it happen in a timely fashion even if tui did ask for the change to the books. like. #looking up working with scholastic reviews some of the most common negative reviews are about poor management #i'm not trying to white knight for her or anything i think she's a flawed human being like anyone else I just think if ur gonna critique he #you should do it about stuff that's like actually poorly handled in her series. not a timeline error in a spin-off. like. come on.

[crplpunkklavier]

not to be a smartass bitch. btw. but nobody is being clever by saying that phoenix/aa4 should have called the jurist system a jury system instead. i understand not everyone reads wikipedia articles on other countries' judicial systems for fun but you could have looked it up before talking smack about it.

aa4 was created in part in response to the lay judge system that was introduced in japan in 2004. yes, it's real, and no, it's not like the jury system that exists in america and some other countries.

in a jury trial, a judge is present, but has no hand in the verdict. that's for the jury. in a lay judge trial, the lay judges (who are still just regular people with no law degree, they're just called lay judges for this) work together with the regular judge(s). depending on the case, 1-3 regular judges are present. the lay judges' verdict has to be backed by at least one of the regular judges. which means of course, that if none of those professional judges agree with the lay judges' verdict, they can just veto it, and that's it. that is not how a jury works.

to be fair, i don't think turnabout succession makes totally clear what happens. in his closing remark, the judge tells the jurists: "Before this court declares a verdict, I await your decision." which doesn't really tell people who don't know about the lay judge system what's going on. with this background knowledge, though, you can sort of infer that he's saying he is waiting for the lay judge decision before he calls the final verdict. also, i agree that "jurists" was a confusing term to use by the localization team. a jurist normally is a legal professional. the point however was that people are being made to act as legal professionals for a day in a lay judge system. plus, japanese terminology makes very clear that they aren't working with a jury/jurors, and uses a word for lay judges (saiban-in). translation-wise, lay judge system doesnt really have the same ring to it as jurist system, so i can sort of see how that happened.

so, bottom line. yeah, jurist system isn't a great term for it. no, neither phoenix nor the localization team simply forgot the word jury.

#ace attorney #not prompted by anything necessarily recent just saw something several days ago and its been on my mind since #imco #sort of

[odinsblog]

After at least three of the recent shootings, conservative pundits have railed about how the police should have acted on red flags. Immediately after Parkland, a young man was arrested for planning a shooting. Those same pundits, in this case, keep talking about how "it's not a crime to talk about shooting people, it's not a crime to own a gun and plan to use it on people." So how are cops supposed to act on red flags, then?

I was listening to a cop talking about this very thing (the Buffalo shooting) on NPR, and he literally literally literally said, “Well, we did check him out after he was caught planning to shoot up his school, but he was cleared and deemed to be okay. How could we have known he was going to go and shoot up a church?” And by this point, I’m fucking yelling at my speaker,… like my dude, my fucking guy, YOU JUST CAUGH HIM ABOUT TO SHOOT UP HIS SCHOOL. WHY TF WOULD YOU EVER GIVE HIM ACCESS TO GUNS AGAIN? Why? Why??

In this case, the red flag law actually worked. It did what it was supposed to do—it alerted all the right authorities that someone who should not have a gun, in fact, did have a gun. And not just any old gun, but an AR-15. So the system actually did what it was supposed to do. But for some reason, white men in this country have it stuck in their gun nut loving “brains” that it’s cruel and unusual punishment to keep a white male and his gun separated from each other. So they either gave him the weapons back after a way too brief waiting period, or they allowed him to retrieve his weapons, or they didn’t block his ability to purchase/access a weapon. Sorry, but if you ever get caught planning to shoot up a school or any other place, then guess what? You should forever forfeit your “right” to gun ownership.

Gun ownership is not some sacrosanct right. Most people in America are not gun owners, and people live long happy lives without ever owning a gun, or needing to overcompensate for their shortcomings by hoarding a bunch of stupid ass phallic symbols.

SN: For anyone not from the U.S., whenever you hear the news saying that there are more guns than people in America, it’s true—but that doesn’t mean everyone in America actually owns a gun. If my neighbor owns 6 guns, and I own none, the “average” “gun ownership” between us is still 3 guns. It’s a simple mathematical average, but it’s misleading. Rural folks are, on average, more likely to be gun owners than city dwellers; urban areas outnumber rural areas population wise; and most rural areas skew heavily Republican; the less populated rural areas have more voting power than the more densely populated urban areas; you can see where this is going.

Anyway, I said earlier that the red flag system worked this time, but it is very far from perfect. The weak links are the police, judges and others who get to determine whether or not someone is “mentally fit” afterwards. And those people will statistically likely either be white and/or male gun nuts themselves, or they’re afraid that not giving a white boy his gun back will put them on some rightwing shit list. So that’s one glaring problem that has unfortunately been proven with the lives of innocent Black people who were simply trying to get some groceries.

Another problem is, more things should trigger red flags. For example, whenever someone buys a shitload of bullets, a fucking alarm bell should go off. Is the purchaser a male? The alarm should get louder. Is it a white male? Louder. Did this person recently have an “altercation” with a woman?? LOUDER. Is it a male of a certain age group??? Fucking everyone in the same zip code should be able to hear these alarm bells going off by now. We already know the common characteristics of mass shooters. It’s not like it’s a big mystery or anything.

And where are these 18yr old dudes getting that kind of money from? Guns and bullets ain’t cheap. Someone is helping them obtain those things, and they need to be held accountable too. Look, I have a (very small) bar in my house. I also have friends who will always be, for want of a better phrase, recovering alcoholics. I know this. They know this. I’m not a psyche major or anything, but I understand as a rational adult, there are certain people who I cannot just leave alone with my bar when they visit, or whenever they stay at my place when I’m out of town. If they go get liquor on their own, that’s on them. But it’s on me if I leave them alone with something I know can destroy their lives. I bear some responsibility for their wellbeing. And no, I’m not talking about “in a court of law” kind of responsibility, I’m talking about what me, Odin, fucking knows to be wrong.

Anyway, similarly, I’m talking about responsibility. Culpability. The people who fund these 18yr old shooters are culpable af. And the cop, or the judge or the psychiatrist who says, “Okay, enough time has passed. NOW they can have their people-killing-machine back,” are responsible too. Not to mention the people who sell the guns and ammo to anyone with enough money.

TLDR; We have a very broken sociopolitical system here in America. This doesn’t happen in any other country. Other countries have violent video games and people with mental health issues. And here in the U.S. we don’t even wanna fund mental healthcare or any healthcare—not that the mentally ill are prone to violence; they are actually more likely to be the victims of violence (including victims of police brutality). Too many people honestly believe that wearing a face mask for 10 minutes in a grocery store is tyranny, but routinely predictable mass shootings is just an acceptable cost of “freedom.” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

And on a tangentially related note: the U.S. Supreme Court just declared that “innocence is not enough” to overturn a death penalty case?? We live in a fucking clown ass joke of a country. Don’t ever let anyone convince you that America is civilized.

#anon #ask #answered #buffalo shooting #guns #republicans #gun nuts #2a #gun violence #odin rants

[partydrawer1]

The Ultimate Guide To Marijuana Legalization: Latest News, Top Stories & Analysis

Published Updated A decade earlier, Americans were nearly equally split on whether to approve marijuana. Currently, one in five Americans support health care cannabis and one in ten oppose it. Americans are separated over the possible perks of medical weed, along with 43 percent supporting it and 49 per-cent opposing it -- in plain comparison to President Barack Obama's campaign promises not to legislate entertainment flowerpot, which has found some in the clinical community, from the president to his fellow Republicans, rap it as unethical.

While half the country chose revising U.S. medicine laws to help make area for legal container, the various other fifty percent claimed to maintain cannabis prohibition in location. A half-dozen Americans, around 30 per-cent, mentioned lawful cannabis should be thought about illegal in some means, while an added 9 per-cent claimed ownership is not crucial good enough for them to choose a means toward lawful weed. In the remainder of America, that amount was 11 percent. "It doesn't matter what is going on currently," pointed out Philip J. Social opinion has since switched substantially. With more than 9 million houses in the U.S., around 95 million folks live in low-income communities, depending on to the Pew Research Center. These low-income communities, which are mainly ethnic and racial minorities, are particularly at risk to gentrification and other kinds of displacement, often along with little bit of or no nearby help in the kind of economical property. Now even more than two-thirds of the nation prefer legalisation. Seventy every penny choose it, along with some help in California. Some electors might additionally think about the need to break down on prohibited migrants who are here illegitimately but not in this nation illegitimately. In Colorado, 49 percent of Latinos approve of the suggestion of legislating cannabis for entertainment make use of and 23 per-cent help raising such regulations. Assistance for legalisation is greatest amongst younger adults (41 per-cent vs. 13 per-cent all over the country). That includes 83% of Democrats, 71% of independents and 50% of Republicans, according to Gallup ballot. The number is reduced for independents and much less one of the GOP than it is among Democrats. Gallup's a lot of recent survey tracked the variety of Democrats and Republican adults checked, though a smaller team of the community could possibly be at danger, such as Americans who have been pulled to Democrats in surveys that recommend that Clinton is a better enemy of the president than her Republican competitor. But just because a proposition is preferred doesn’t indicate it is wise. And only because This Website say it can easilyn't be carried out promptly, it is no reason not to attempt it, or to adhere to through on a good-faith effort in the chance of having a brand-new arrangement. Thus whether you just like it is up to you, or not, but I believe we must catch it out by proposing something that may occur when things operate in a expected way. Like you, we on the USA TODAY Editorial Board have viewed and felt the nationwide belief switch in current years, and we have asked whether this instructions is in the nation’s finest enthusiasms. We asked: Would it create sense to continue to allow folks to elect, to motivate them? To change the body politic of the country the way it's performed in various other components of the world? We got at least half the responses and the rest are right here. With content in 2012, 2016 and 2018, we advised caution, worrying that a rush to legislate marijuana can lug outcomes both unintended and uninvited. Along with additional than 25 states (at least 20 presently in the cannabis company) and six states with leisure marijuana legislations, the federal federal government must consider creating a nationwide computer system registry on federal government weed sales before it starts enforcing marijuana prohibition on its territory. Currently that Democrats in the Senate have introduced a package deal of proposed weed plan reforms – along with a commitment to function along with Republicans “to get something performed this year” – it’s time we look back on what we have knew in latest years and rethink our posture. A appeal at latest study advises this will certainly not merely be the ideal time to look for activity to deal with our cannabis rules, but it will definitely help to reverse the historic momentum the cannabis restriction has been steering for years. How big will certainly legal pot get? Not much, we believe. We are not trying to take away a little number of weed smokers, but we are attempting to secure the safety and security of the world's citizens. We are supporting regulation that will certainly suppress the circulation of illegal pot from Washington, D.C., in to our neighborhoods through developing a safe and well-balanced grass neighborhood in the location that's presently approved. These are actually complex issues, but we've managed to acquire our job done. Two aspects confine market size, even if US legalizes marijuana. The government would after that possess to take activity to extend purchases, which would help to promote individuals to take in more and additionally assist to drive the market forward. To that end, the Obama administration has signed a ordinance to finish the federal government restriction on cannabis. The Obama management claims the government authorities is obligated to legalize it for personal recreational sales and would additionally always keep the clinical marijuana plan open, though the DEA does not track its task. How significant will definitely legal grass get? Not considerably, we believe. We are not trying to take away a little number of cannabis smokers, but we are making an effort to secure the protection of the world's residents. We are recommending legislation that will certainly curb the circulation of immoral container from Washington, D.C., in to our neighborhoods by creating a safe and healthy and balanced pot neighborhood in the location that's presently approved. These are really complex problems, but we've took care of to get our work carried out.

#marijuana legalization news #marijuana news #cannabis stock news

[queerprayers]

this might be a strange question but do you think that there is a sexual identity in loving God / being in love with Jesus? for a long time I have thought about how I want to incorporate Jesus into every part of my life and every area while at the same time it just comes natural to me to have my eyes trained on him, I've even thought about becoming a nun.. I just feel wholly in love with Jesus but I genuinely struggle with this aspect.. maybe you can't help but if you have any advice or just thoughts that would be greatly appreciated!!

Hi, I'm absolutely obsessed with this question. You're amazing. The answer is yes, so many people throughout the centuries have felt similar ways!

Devoting yourself to God/Jesus rather than having romantic/sexual relationships with other people is not new, and in some ways you could totally call it an identity! In the Bible, we can look at Jesus himself, who (as far as we know) never married, but devoted his life to his ministry. I don't know off the top of my head how many apostles were married (I know Peter had a mother-in-law), but I'm sure some of them gave up that kind of life to follow him. Many priests/pastors, monks, and nuns are unmarried, for various reasons across denominations, but especially when we're talking about monks/nuns—nuns are often referred to as being "married to Jesus!"

Mysticism is the area of Christianity that I would say most incorporated this idea, especially sexuality-wise, and I don't know a ton about it but have included a lot of resources (either read by me or recommended by others).

Becoming a nun is a wonderful, holy calling, and it may be the thing that brings you the most peace! I'd encourage you to do more research and maybe visit an abbey/convent!

Besides that, incorporating Jesus in all areas of your life is absolutely amazing and will probably be overwhelming and beautiful and frustrating and so, so worth it.

I don't have much advice besides to go for it? Like as far as I can tell, you're experiencing a good thing that you feel really connected to! Obviously any serious religious devotion in ~today's world~ takes extra courage and explanation, because this isn't the norm (at least where I live), but, with God's help, I know that you can create a beautiful life for yourself.

I do wanna say that devoting your life to Jesus does not necessarily mean being celibate. Choosing that can be really challenging, especially without a formal path (like being a nun), and while it's a historic, holy way of life, it isn't something to take lightly and can result in a lot of loneliness. Don't deny yourself romantic/sexual intimacy with other people unless that's for sure the path you're on. That said, platonic intimacy is holy and not lesser-than romance, and being single is obviously a normal way of existence.

Some resources you may find interesting:

Church, Christianity, and the long shadow of "hot Jesus," Lyz Lenz, Vox

What Is It Like Being Married to Jesus?, Helena Burns, Berkley Center

Loving Jesus Back: Nuns Really Do Get Married, Jane Thomas, icthus

Sex and the Saintly, Andrew Kinney, Trinitonian

Jesus's Vagina: A Medieval Meditation, Emily Swan, Solus Jesus

Sex and Mysticism, Matthew Milliner, First Things

Erotic Spirituality, Paul Smith, Integral Christian Network

Marrying Jesus: Brides and the Bridegroom in Medieval Women's Religious Literature by Rabia Gregory

Mysticism and Sexuality by Bernard McGinn

Human interpersonal relationships and the love of the Trinity by Maria L Boccia

Erotic and Nuptial Imagery by Louise Nelstrop

Love Divine: Erotic Desires in Christian Mysticism, Prof. David Albertson, Condon Lecture Series

A Practical Guide to Becoming a Nun by Blair Hurley (short story)

Freeing Jesus: Rediscovering Jesus as Friend, Teacher, Savior, Lord, Way, and Presence by Diana Butler Bass

The Naked Now: Learning to See as the Mystics See by RIchard Rohr

Why the Mystics Matter Now by Frederick Bauerschmidt

For the Love of God: The Faith and Future of the American Nun by Lucy Kaylin

Sisters: Catholic Nuns and the Making of America by John J. Fialka

Mariette in Ecstasy by Ron Hansen

The New Asceticism: Sexuality, Gender, and the Quest for God by Sarah Coakley

Women and Mystical Experience in the Middle Ages by Frances Beer

Fragmentation and Redemption: Essays on Gender and the Human Body in Medieval Religion by Caroline Walker Bynum

Authority and the Female Body in the Writings of Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe by Liz Herbert McAvoy

The Love of Learning and the Desire for God: A Study of Monastic Culture by Jean Leclercq

Roots of Christian Mysticism: Texts from Patristic Era with Commentary by Olivier Clement, Jean-Claude Barreau, trans. Theodore Berkley

Scivias by Hildegard von Bingen, trans. Hart & Bishop

I think that's all I got! Wishing you love and peace as you discern God's path for you!

<3 Johanna

#asks #anonymous #resources

[fangirltothefullest]

Idk if this is the best place for this, but you're a wise internet person so. Yeah. Its an uncomfy topic so feel free to ignore but. I was scrolling through the interwebs, as you do, and came across ranboo x tubbo p*rn. And like. I scroll past it, cause don't like don't read etc etc but. These are real life children. Who have openly stated that they didn't want p*rn written about them, at least until they were of age. And I don't wanna be the person who clicks on a fic just to be negative, but it feels wrong to just ignore it? Why is it so hard to respect their wishes?? Its not even c!beeduo, its cc!. Idk i just feel like it's different when its about real kids who exist.

Honestly aside from the fact that they are underage (which is honestly all you need not to do that because that's illegal) they're also real people and no one should write any explicit fic about real people because they have the right to consent which means that they have the right to say no and aside from them being underaged, they HAVE said no and it's irresponsible and downright gross to do that. It's actually quite illegal I believe to write about real life people without their consent (otherwise we wouldn't have disclaimers that say "characters are not based on real life people, any resemblance is coincidence" etc. and also most places have slander laws), just like it's illegal to film people without consent. (obviously I am not a law expert but I do know this is a thing because of all the hoops film students have to go through to film people in America. I don't know what it's like for other countries but yeah).

It's one thing to write about fictional characters because they aren't real but when the creators of those characters say don't do that then you should respect their wishes. On top of that you have people writing about real people and that's a big nono. They are living breathing people and no one has the right to write explicit stuff about real people, ESPECIALLY when people say not to and especially especially when those real life people are underage and have stated over and over that that is not ok.

[monstersandmaw]

Male vampire x male character (nsfw) Part Four

Edit which I’m including in all my works after plagiarism and theft has taken place: I do not give my consent for my works to be used, copied, published, or posted anywhere. They are copyrighted and belong to me.

Sorry for taking 84yrs to post this. I thought I had shared it. Sorry. Hope you enjoy all the same.

Wordcount: 10,904 (story total: 23,704)

Heads up in this part for continued, but easing, tense familial relations, some angst/heartache (not heartbreak though), and some (consensual) blood drinking.

Part One (sfw), Part Two (nsfw), Part Three (nsfw)

Alec let out a shaky breath and crossed to the sofa, sinking down onto it as his legs finally gave out. “Vampires,” he said, hardly daring to believe the word he was uttering.

“Yes.”

“And you’re one?”

“… Yes.”

“And my family…?”

Sebastien’s voice was tight on the other end of the line as he said, “Hunts my kind. Well, those of us who aren’t registered with the ‘Guild of Hunters’ —” his tone turned acrid as he spat the words out, though he kept his voice low and quiet.

“What does that even mean? I don’t know what any of this means… And did you know about my family? I mean, before? When you started dating me?”

Sebastien took another deep breath. “Yes. I knew. And it was a long time before I fully convinced myself that you did not.”

If Sebastien had thought it was some kind of trap, that would explain his reticence at the beginning for sure.

“And were you planning on telling me any of this?” Alec snarled. God, his chest hurt so much. The deception was like Jeremy cheating on him all over again, only this time the betrayal was coming from two fronts at once: from his love life and from his family. Not that he’d had all that solid a relationship with the latter to start with. Perhaps this explained why.

“I hadn’t planned on becoming your boyfriend at all,” Sebastien snapped.

“So, what, I was just a quick diversion? A casual fuck you kept coming back for because I’m such a fucking chump? Is that it?”

“No,” Sebastien sighed. “Not at all. I fell for you. Like the horrid cliche I am, the vampire fell for the hunter, and by then I had no idea how to tell you. I’ve not been with a human before, so this is all very new to me.”

Alec ran his fingers through his dark hair to buy himself a moment. “You… You haven’t?”

“No.”

“How… How old are you?”

“Do you really want the answer to that?”

“Yes!” His phone was slippery in his fingers now from the sweat on his palm but he couldn’t bring it away from his ear long enough to put it on speaker. He needed answers.

With another cavernous sigh, Sebastien said hurriedly, “Very well. I was born in 1897 and turned on the battlefields of the Great War — World War I, that is. I was dying, and a vampire named Felicity who had been working as a field nurse turned me. My first run-in with your family was not long after I moved from France to America. They were working with the American Hunters’ Guild on a case which had nothing to do with me.” He let out a shaky breath and said, “I got in the way and I nearly died. Those were the days before the treaty, of course, and before I moved to England.”

Despite his still-spinning mind, Alec managed to croak, “What treaty?”

“Those of us who get our blood from sanctioned blood banks and do not live-feed are exempt from being hunted like animals.” He spoke like he was quoting from a law code; cold and clinical; detached.

God, the way he said it made Alec’s skin crawl. It was as if he were being permitted to exist on the grounds of good behaviour and, he supposed, that was exactly the case. Even so, Alec couldn’t help the next words that just fell out of his mouth. “So you weren’t planning on feeding from me?”

“Of course not,” Sebastien retorted but then appeared to rein himself in with yet another steadying inhale. “No. It’s been decades since I’ve fed from a human directly. I didn’t plan on starting with you.”

Alec slumped back into the sofa cushions and stared up at the ceiling of his tiny apartment. “Fuck.”

After a long silence, Sebastien’s gentle tenor sounded in his ear. “Are you alright?”

“No,” he said. “I’ve never been close to my family - my dad was always an arsehole, but… I can’t believe Theo’s involved in all this. He was such a sweet kid, and we were really close until…” he swallowed thickly around the rising lump in his throat.

“Until?” Sebastien prompted when he stalled again.

“I can’t believe this is all real,” he muttered. “Until he turned sixteen and started to ‘work out’ with dad. I was at uni by then, getting my fine art degree, but whenever I came home he was just… different. Harder. Sharper. More focused. Guess it makes sense now… Well, as much as… you know…” he gestured vaguely to the empty apartment with his hands, “… as much as all this can make sense. Fucking… vampires…”

After a heartbeat, Sebastien added softly, “Quite literally.”

Despite himself, Alec snorted. “So… where does this leave us?”

Now it was Sebastien’s turn to feel clearly uncomfortable. Eventually he said, “Alec, I don’t think it’s wise for me to see you currently. Not with your family being what they are.”

His heart twisted, even though he’d been half expecting it. “You still think they’d… what, stake you, or whatever it is that vampire hunters actually do to you lot?”

“There are many ways to kill a vampire,” he said flatly. “And your family knows all of them, probably more. You need to work this out with them first as well. Talk to your brother. He seems the more reasonable…”

“I can’t believe Ellie’s in on it as well. And my mother? Fuck…”

“Talk to them.”

“Will I still see you at work at least?”

The awkward silence told him all he needed to know, even before Sebastien said, “I just sent in my letter of resignation.”

“That was quick,” he hissed, stomach dropping. “You only just left.”

“Supernatural speed,” he replied bitterly. “Comes in useful for typing papers and getting out of awkward situations…”

That sparked another question in him. “Supernatural powers, huh? Can you turn into a bat too?”

“No.”

Then he thought of Sebastien’s Halloween outfit. “Wolf?”

He thought he detected a faint smirk in Sebastien’s response. “No, sadly. No shape-shifting for me. Felicity is not of any extraordinary bloodline, and thus, neither am I.”

“Right,” he grunted. “Of course. Is she… is she still around?”

“Felicity? Yes. We meet every now and again. She and her wife spend most of their time in Venice these days.”

“Her wife? She a vampire too?”

Sebastien swallowed audibly. “Yes.”

“Did Felicity turn her too? Would that make her wife your sister?”

“No.”

He frowned. “Did she know her as a human though?”

“Yes.”

After a moment of spinning thoughts, Alec asked, “Did… you turn her?”

“One doesn’t tend to turn one’s own intended. Between a sire and their turned, there can grow… tension. Not always, but it can be enough to ruin a relationship that was seemingly solid before. Something about exchanging blood changes the soul… or so we think, anyway. It was an honour to be asked to sire her.”

“Right.” Alec felt slightly sick. “Will I at least see you before you leave?”

“I think it best if we don’t. Not while your family is still… ‘investigating’ me.”

“Are you really in danger from them?”

“Quite possibly. My name is on the treaty, but…”

Something twanged painfully again in his chest, swiftly followed by the fizzle of fear through his veins. “But what?”

“But vampires and hunters are not supposed to sleep together, Alec…”

“Don’t bang the enemy? How very Romeo and Juliet,” he snorted. “Fuck. Why does every good relationship I have turn to shit?” he asked, not of Sebastien but of the universe itself. “What did I do?”

“Alec —”

“—Don’t. Don’t make it worse by apologising or something. It’s fine. We were only together a month. I’ll get over it. You’ll move on. Heck, you’ll fucking live forever, right? What’s a month to you anyway? Nothing, right?”

The bitterness in his own voice nearly choked him, and without thinking, or even saying goodbye, he just hung up and let his phone lie in his limp fingers on the sofa cushions. It lit up and rang a moment later, but he didn’t answer it. Six more times Sebastien tried before finally giving up.

Kay was an absolute blessing in the next few days.

He didn’t tell her immediately about the whole vampire thing, but after he’d calmed down enough to be able to look at Theo without immediately busting a vein in his forehead, he hashed the basics out with him, and then told her everything. Alec told her about his newly-discovered, secret family occupation which, apparently, stretched back centuries. He told her about the fact that his eldest sister and younger brother were monster hunters in their spare time, and he told her the real reason Sebastien why had vanished overnight without a trace — yes, Alec had gone to his apartment building, only to be politely informed by the doorman that Dr. Dulac was no longer in residence and did not leave so much as a forwarding address.

That, above almost everything else, shattered Alec’s hopes of seeing him again. Like thistledown in the wind, Sebastien had simply flitted away somewhere else.

She took it about as well as he had to start with, but when she saw the seriousness in his eyes, and when, three weekends later, she came to his apartment for a definitely-not-awkward dinner with Theo, she saw video footage that Theo and his father had captured from various hunts of supernatural creatures beyond only beautiful vampires. Then she believed him. Ghouls, ghosts, reanimated corpses, demons… you name it and Theo could tell you about it.

Alec spent Christmas with Kay’s family, and Theo met him for New Year drinks in the city, joined by Ellie. It wasn’t anything like the family dynamic he’d always longed for, but the new degree of openness between them went some way to mending his still bruised heart. Slowly. Gradually. Piece by tentative, honest piece. He never joined in, but Theo started to tell him a bit about what they did. It still sounded barbaric to him, but at least it was true.

He had no word from Sebastien, and the number he had saved in his phone had been disconnected.

With the arrival of spring, Alec found himself more than usually dissatisfied with his job. He was a good teacher, and he enjoyed seeing his students’ talents evolve and grow, but the ever-increasing admin ground him down, and the politics of the faculty and the university as a whole wore on him.

“Have you seen this?” Kay asked one afternoon as they shared a takeaway coffee beneath the drifting cherry blossoms. Petals spiralled down like pastel pink and white wedding confetti, and he watched with an absent smile as a terrier snapped and sprung around on his hind legs trying to catch them while his owner stood and talked with her friend nearby. “Oi!” Kay asked, digging him in the ribs.

“Hmm?”

“Have you seen this?” she asked, shoving her phone under his nose.

He blinked, refocusing his eyes, and read the article’s headline aloud. “Council offers artists the chance to win a sponsored exhibition in the town hall with this unique competition.” He blinked. “So?”

“So?” she gawped. “You can’t be serious?”

“Send me the link. I’ll forward it to my students. They might like that.” That earned him a smack upside the head, and he scowled. “What was that for?”

“Alec, you might be the dumbest smart guy I know,” she said. “I showed it to you so that you could enter it, you giant idiot.”

He blinked. “Me?”

“I saw those charcoals you did the other week of the cathedral! They were amazing!! And the abstracts too… I still want one, by the way.”

“It’s already wrapped up for your birthday,” he groused. “You really think I should do it?”

She rolled her eyes and drained the last of her coffee without gracing him with an answer. Of course she thought he should.

“When’s the deadline?”

“Next Thursday,” she said without looking at him.

Alec licked his lips and swallowed. “Will you help me pick some images to submit?”

Her answering grin was feral.

In all honesty, Alec forgot about having even entered the competition until the letter dropped through his door six weeks later announcing that, to his utter astonishment, he had been selected as the winner. Tears blurred his eyes and he sat down heavily at the tiny kitchen table. He’d never entered any of his own art into anything like this in his whole life, and the first time he does, he gets a whole fucking public exhibition out of it?

“Maybe this year won’t be so bad after all,” he murmured. “New year, new start…” His chest still ached when he thought about Sebastien, and he hoped he was doing alright, wherever he was.

Theo had been searching for him, probably by way of apology for lying to his big brother for all these years, but he’d turned up very little. Sebastien had gone to Venice first, it seemed, presumably to spend time with Felicity and her wife, but had disappeared completely after that, with only rumours flickering here and there that he was in Paris, St. Petersburg, Prague, and then potentially Florence. Maybe.

“Venice seems like a pretty sunny place for a pair of vampires to live,” Alec commented, but Theo shrugged.

“They don’t burn up immediately in sunlight, or your professor would never have been able to take a day-job at the university. They’re sensitive to it, some more than others, but it takes a full day of constant sunlight beating down for them to burn properly.” The callousness of his brother’s response shook him, even after all these months, and Theo must have seen it on his face because he sighed. “I’m sorry,” he said, and then added, “You really loved him, didn’t you?”

Alec shrugged. Yes, he wanted to say. I thought so. “I only knew him for a month or so,” was what he said carefully instead. “And even then… turned out I didn’t know him anyway.”

Theo, who had been lounging on Alec’s sofa with his legs spread and his head tipped back into the cushions while Alec made supper, asked quietly, “Did he seem… normal to you?”

“Normal?” Alec asked, not sure he’d heard his brother correctly.

“Yeah… like… did you ever suspect he wasn’t… you know…?”

“Human?”

Theo grunted and nodded his head. “Yeah. I guess.”

“No. Obviously not. Never crossed my mind. Why would it have?”

Theo scowled and turned his eyes to regard him. Alec knew that Theo looked like a younger version of himself, if maybe in better shape, and he wondered if he’d have the same steely look in his eyes if he’d been deemed ‘man enough’ to become a hunter, or whatever bullshit criteria their arsehole father had used to select which members of his family were to become soldiers and which would live normal lives.

“What?” Alec demanded.

“But you slept with him, right?”

“I’m not talking about that with you,” he said, briefly brandishing the wooden spoon at him.

Theo pulled a face. “I’m not asking about your sex life. Gross. No, I mean…”

In that moment, Alec spotted a flash of something in his brother’s blue eyes that softened him to the kid. He turned off the gas and went over to where Theo was now sitting hunched over with his elbows on his knees, running his hands through his hair. When he looked up at Alec’s approach, his face showed open vulnerability in a way he’d not seen since they were young children and Theo had got himself into trouble at school.

“What’s going on?” Alec asked, seating himself next to his little brother.

Theo bobbed his knee like a deprived caffeine addict and bit his lip. With glassy eyes, he croaked, “I keep asking myself if we did the right thing…”

“What do you mean?”

The bravado of Theo’s early twenties melted away to become a worried, frightened, guilty little boy again and he said, “I mean… if what we do is right…”

“You mean… hunting?”

“Yeah,” he croaked.

“What set this off?”

His brother quirked him a humourless smirk and said, “You always did know when something was bothering me.”

Alec remained quiet, just watching him.

“We teamed up with some hunters from Edinburgh for a ‘vamp gone rogue’ case and we finally found her yesterday. She… She’d been turning people; trying to amass some kind of small army to take over from another vampire further up north. She was insane… like, completely, sociopathically insane, but… the people she turned… they were just…” he blinked, and Alec saw with a jolt that his eyes were full of unshed tears. “They were still just people.”

He feared he already knew where this was going. Still, he asked, “What happened?”

“Father wanted to put them down. They were terrified, chained up… still on the point of lashing out…”

Bile rose in his throat. “Oh god…”

“One of the hunters said she knew of a vampire who could help rehabilitate them; help them adjust to their new lives. One of them didn’t want to live as a vampire though, so father just…”

Theo didn’t need to finish that for Alec to know that father had ended the newly-turned vampire’s life in a heartbeat. “And the rest?”

“The other three went with the hunter. I don’t know what happened, but… I trust her. It’s just… father taught me and Ellie that vampires are mindless killers when they feed… that you can’t get close to them, that all they want at the end of the day is blood no matter what they tell you…  but…” he looked up at Alec. “You’ve been fucking miserable since the whole Sebastien shit-fest. I know you’ve been trying to hide it, and you’ve got the exhibition coming up next weekend, and that’s great, but… I know you’ve stopped putting yourself out there. And we did that. We fucked it all up for you. I just…” he ran his hands through his hair and sent it into wild disarray. “I just wonder if you could really have been happy with him after all.”

Alec pulled his brother close and hugged him. “I’m not going to lie,” he murmured into his brother’s dark hair. “I’m furious with father for keeping everything from me, and for making you and mum and Ellie lie to me and Angie about it as well, but… if I hadn’t seen Sebastien’s eyes go red — yeah, I thought it was just a reflection or something — and if I hadn’t seen the way he sleeps literally like the dead… I’m not sure I would have believed you anyway. I don’t forgive him for it either, but…” he sighed deeply. “I forgive you, Theo. And Ellie.”

“And mum?”

“I’m still working on that.”

Theo went slack beneath him and snaked his arms around his brother’s waist for a moment. “Thanks,” he mumbled into Alec’s shirt.

“You’re still coming to the exhibition?” Alec asked as he pulled back and went back to the stove, giving Theo a moment of privacy to pull himself together.

In truth, Alec was a little shaken too. Their relationship had been slowly patched over the intervening months, but it still wasn’t particularly close, and the matter of Sebastien had been a permanent, proverbial elephant in the room. That Theo was questioning their father’s teaching came as an immense relief to Alec though. He poured them each a glass of wine, and the two spent the rest of the evening in a quieter kind of closeness than they’d yet shared.

When the evening of the exhibition drew round, Alec was quite frankly, a bit of a mess.

“C’mon,” Theo grinned, patting the lapels of his jacket down for him and grinning up at him. “Where’s that Twayblade hunter courage, huh?”

“Must have skipped me and all gone to you,” he quipped back. “Fuck. I’m so nervous. Why am I so nervous?”

“No fucking clue,” Theo chuckled. “You’re awesome and they’re gonna fucking love you.”

“Language,” Alec said instinctively and Theo’s laughter redoubled.

“You’re a big fucking hypocrite, you know that?” Theo laughed just as Kay sidled up with three glasses of champagne awkwardly held between her hands.

“Help a girl out here, would you, boys?” she asked, proffering the glasses to them.

Alec resisted the urge to down it in one — he’d probably only choke on the bubbles anyway — and filled his lungs instead with a big gulp of air. He tried to send all his nerves into the air and then blow it out of his body in one heaving sigh to leave him calmer, but it just gave him a head rush, so he sipped the wine and turned to look around the gallery from the corner where he’d been lurking.

“What if no one shows up?” he blurted, earning him a scowl from Theo and a pout-and-eyebrow-raise combo from Kay.

He needn't have worried in the end. The marketing team had done their work, and within an hour the place was heaving and all but three of his pieces had been reserved. Scratch that. Two.

The fact that almost all of his students had turned up as well to cheer him on and trade high fives, and scrounge free alcohol and food from the canape trays, warmed him in ways he didn’t know were possible.

Overwhelmed and a little bit tearful, he stepped out of the town hall’s main exhibition space and into the small corridor that led to a fire exit and a grotty back car park beyond, letting the flush die down from his cheeks. This was what he’d really wanted right from the moment he’d graduated all those years ago; to be an artist in his own right, with people buying his work at exhibitions… It almost made him giddy to think that he had a chance to do this full time now. It seemed that Sebastien had been right when he’d said he could really make something of himself.

Ah, there was the crash in his mood that he’d been waiting for. Nothing good lasts forever, right?

Would Sebastien have been proud of him if he knew about this? Would he have been there that night, by his side? Would they even have lasted that long anyway, even without his family’s interference?

The noise in the room was gradually dying down when he gathered enough courage to step back into the echoing hall. The pale wooden floors gleamed in the low light, the white of the temporary exhibition walls almost glowing, in stark contrast to the black and grey of his charcoals. He’d chosen mostly charcoals for the show, with a few acrylic abstracts for flavour, and apparently people loved them. Every single one had a red ‘sold’ dot beneath the label now, he noted as he cast his eyes around the room.

Then his gaze snagged on someone standing with their back to him, hands clasped loosely behind them, a long, silver-blond ponytail hanging down their back. And Alec’ vision slipped sideways.

Sebastien.

It had to be him.

No one else stood with posture like that. No one else was so tall and lean and elegant and god-damned graceful, even when just standing still. And no one else stood quite as still as that.

He let out a ragged breath and swayed slightly, glancing around. There was no sign of Theo or Kay just then, and only one or two couples meandered admiringly around the room. And there, fixated by one piece in particular, stood Sebastien.

Inhaling for courage, Alec approached and came to an unsteady halt a few feet away from him. He didn’t look real, somehow. His beauty had always been striking, but now in the low light he seemed like a mirage, with his warm olive skin and contrastingly pale hair, that cut-glass jawline and —

— He turned and met Alec’s gaze with dark brown eyes alight and glassy.

“You’re here,” Alec breathed, at a loss for anything else.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Sebastien said, and the sound of his voice sent a wild tingling through Alec’s whole nervous system. The man — vampire — looked uncharacteristically shy, uncertain, as he half turned to face him.

“Gotta say,” Alec said, scratching the back of his head, “I wasn’t expecting to see you again.”

“Should I leave?”

He chewed his lower lip for a second and Sebastien’s eyes tracked the movement before he blinked and looked back at the charcoal in front of him. It was of the Lady Chapel of the cathedral; one of the most tranquil places Alec had ever been. A shaft of light lanced down from a Gothic window high on the right, scattering fractured shards of light onto the stone floor, and behind it, just barely visible as a grey, misty outline, sat the small altar.

“You’re religious?” Alec asked.

“Mm,” Sebastien nodded. “Surprising, I know, given my ‘condition’, but there you have it.”

All the smalltalk then suddenly boiled up into thick irritation inside Alec and he scowled. “Where have you been? And why now? Why come back now? What do you want?”

He must have raised his voice fractionally because the couple admiring the seascape to their left shot them slightly scandalised looks, as if he’d started swearing in a sanctuary, and he bit back the wave of anger, halting it in its tracks.

“Shall we step outside for a moment?” Sebastien asked and Alec nodded tersely.

Passing Kay and Theo who were sitting in the chairs near the drinks table, Alec cast his eyes at them and watched Theo tense visibly. Kay laid her hand on his thigh and shook her head, at which Theo nodded and sat back, eyes hard, mouth set, but at least he didn’t appear to be on the point of leaping out and staking Sebastien on the spot.

Alec mouthed a silent ‘thank you’ at them both, and followed Sebastien out on to the street.

“You’ve patched things up with your family then?” Sebastien began, standing perfectly still beside the brick wall of the Victorian building while Alec paced.

“Mostly just with Theo, but yeah. Why are you here?” he asked again.

“Honestly? I missed you. Couldn't get you out of my head. I went all over Europe, and even to Asia briefly, and nothing I did distracted me from you, from leaving you. I had to come back.”

“You could have called,” he said, instantly regretting the way it came out like a petulant teenager’s sulking.

“And what would that have achieved?” Sebastien asked evenly. “I was hundreds of miles away.”

“You could have come back sooner? Talked to me in person?”

Sebastien sighed. “I was afraid that your family would come after me. I needed to disappear.”

“Theo convinced father to let you go. As you said yourself, your name was on the treaty, and you didn’t hurt me or hypnotise me, or whatever… did you?”

“No,” he said, pale brows pinching with evident distaste.

“Could you have?”

Sebastien levelled him with a dark look. “Yes, but… that’s not something I enjoy doing. It’s a survival mechanism — to make people forget what they’ve seen — it’s not something to be used lightly.”

“Ok, but you could have, and you didn’t, so that was another reason to let you go,” he said. God he wanted to kiss him. The realisation hit him like a gut punch and he turned away. Alec ached inside and out for those lips, those hands, those eyes… “Fuck,” he whispered, barely audible. “Are you staying?”

“Do you want me to stay?”

Alec rounded on him, frustration pouring out of him again. “Don’t answer my question with one of your own. Are you staying or not?”

Sebastien remained eerily calm, but a heartbeat later Alec saw that it wasn’t serenity in his eyes but sadness. “If you want me to, I’ll stay. I want to try again, Alec. I want… I want to be with you. I’ve never felt for anyone what I feel for you.”

“Feel? As in… present tense?”

“Yes. It hasn’t faded. Not with all the days and distance between us.”

“God, you sound like a shitty romance novel hero…” he scoffed. “I almost believe it.”

Sebastien spread his hands and said, “I am who — and what — I am. You know me, Alec, in a way that no one else ever has. I was utterly myself with you, except for the fact that I kept my nature from you. I hope you can at least understand why, if not forgive me. Everything else was genuine. I have never done that — been that open, that vulnerable — with anyone.”

“Even knowing what my family are?”

“Even then.”

Alec looked up at him and saw his own reflection in those dark, rich brown eyes. “Show me.”

Sebastien’s angelic face soured into a confused frown. “Show you what?”

“Your eyes. Your fangs. Show me what you are.”

“Now?”

He looked around. The street was empty on either side, with the only people around gathered outside a bar further up the street.

When he turned back to say yes to Sebastien, he found blood red eyes glowing in the man’s face. “Holy fuck,” he hissed. Every already-chiselled line on Sebastien’s face had sharpened somehow, his cheeks hollowing a little, perhaps to account for the additional hardware he now sported in his mouth, and his eyes seemed a touch more sunken. And they glowed as if lit from within.

Heartbeat thrumming out a wild tattoo, he stepped closer and Sebastien went utterly still. His chest ceased to rise and fall, and he didn’t even blink as Alec raised his fingers to his left cheek. “Show me.”

Sebastien swallowed and parted his lips. Angling his jaw a little to one side, he showed Alec the elongated canines, three quarters of an inch long. “Careful,” he murmured as Alec made to touch them. “Vampire venom is potent, even in small doses.”

“Does it really do what the hunters say it does?”

Sebastien’s red eyes glittered almost playfully. “I don’t know,” he smiled, seeming to relax a fraction. “What do they say it does?”

“Drives your victims wild, acts like a date rape drug, makes humans lose their will and their inhibitions…”

At that, a hardness returned to his features and his lip twitched in a lopsided snarl, like a wolf backed into a corner. “That’s certainly one take on it,” he said. “It creates a rush of euphoria. It’s supposed to make feeding a pleasant experience for all concerned. Endorphins in the blood make the taste sweeter, and the human feels no pain or fear.”

“Right. Gotta say I like that one better,” Alec said with a shaky smile. “But I’m not gonna risk it right here… And fuck me, your eyes are incredible.”

“They’re still red, hmm?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

Closing his eyes and tilting his face upwards a little more towards the cloudy night sky, he inhaled deeply. His features softened again, and Alec watched, fascinated, as the slight bumps behind his closed upper lip slid away into nothing, presumably as his canines retracted into his gums. When he opened his eyes, they were their usual, endlessly dark brown once more.

“Better?” Sebastien asked, oddly self-conscious.

“No,” he said. “Just different.”

Something prickled on the back of his neck and he turned to find a woman silhouetted against the light of street lamp halfway up the road. “Friend of yours?” he asked, tense.

“Felicity. She came with me.”

“Why? Surely you don’t need a wingman… or, you know, woman.”

With a tiny smile, Sebastien said, “You make me more vulnerable than you realise, in more ways than one. And we weren’t sure if your family would be here.”

“Or whether they’d want to flambé you…”

“Precisely.” He inclined his head and the woman did the same, turning and vanishing even as Alec blinked.

“Can you do that too?” he asked, still gawping after her.

When he turned back, he found that Sebastien had stepped in close to him - close enough that his faint, woody cologne wafted gently around them and he felt his knees wobble slightly. He’d missed this. Oh god, he’d missed this. “Mmhmm,” Sebastien hummed. “I can.”

“Kiss me,” Alec whispered. “Please…”

Sebastien didn’t need telling twice. He took Alec’s face in both his hands and crushed a passionate kiss to his lips so hard that Alec’s mind went perfectly blank for a few beautiful seconds. When he came to, he grabbed Sebastien’s narrow hips and tugged him close, making the vampire grunt as their bodies connected.

This time, he took Sebastien’s ponytail in one hand and began to pull on it gently. Sebastien yielded at the pressure and tipped his face back, exposing the entire column of his throat to Alec without resistance. The gesture left Alec stunned and breathless. In his research with Theo over the past months, he had learned that for a vampire to expose their throat to another implied absolute trust. Overwhelmed, he pressed his lips to the bare skin and felt Sebastien gasp, grabbing at his shoulders suddenly to keep himself upright.

Over and over, the vampire shuddered tangibly beneath his touch and gasped sharply again, panting. As he shifted his hips against him, Alec felt Sebastien’s growing hardness, and at the same time, Sebastien drew back, eyes screwed shut. “Stop,” he laughed. “Not here.”

“I want you,” Alec moaned, one hand on Sebastien’s chest. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.”

“I want you too,” Sebastien smiled, opening his eyes. They glowed scarlet again. “And because of that, this —” he said, gesturing to his red eyes, “— isn’t going to go away quickly this time.”

“This too?” Alec said, boldly cupping the obvious bulge in Sebastien’s smart black trousers gently with his hand and making the vampire groan.

“Yeah, that too.”

“Your place or mine?” Alec asked with a dizzy grin.

“You decide. I’m booked into a hotel one street over for the next two days,” he said. “If that affects your decision in any way.”

“Yours,” he said. “I… I’ll just…” he looked over his shoulder and caught sight of the exhibition banner dangling by the door. “I should…”

Sebastien nodded slowly. “I’ll be here.”

“You’d better be,” he snarled as he adjusted himself and prayed no one would notice. He took a few steadying breaths on the threshold of the town hall and then disappeared inside.

Kay raised her eyebrows at him when he reappeared.

“Not a word,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Your hair’s a mess,” she said conversationally. “Is it windy outside?”

“Fuck off,” he grimaced and she laughed. “Where’s Theo?”

“He left out the back way,” she said. “But he told me to tell you to enjoy yourself tonight, and that he’ll stand by whatever makes you happy.”

Unexpected tears prickled his eyes and he tugged her into a hug that was probably meant for his brother.

“You can thank us later,” she said, shoving him off her. “Go be with your Prince of Darkness…”

“I’m not sure how much he’d like you calling him that,” he said as he stepped back. “I’ll have to wrap things up here first…”

It seemed to take forever, but he finally found the events coordinator and after an interminable conversation full of congratulations, agreed to stop by the next day to take down the exhibition and sort the sales out. His heart was thudding when he stepped back outside, but he let out a huge sigh when he saw Sebastien leaning against the brick building, face tilted towards the moon that was just peeking out from behind a bank of cloud.

“It’s like one of your charcoals,” Sebastien said without tearing his eyes from the sky.

Alec crossed to him and smiled when Sebastien met his gaze, red meeting blue. Alec slid his fingers into Sebastien’s where his hand hung quietly by his side.

“Ready?” the vampire asked.

Alec nodded, and let Sebastien lead him back to his hotel.

They barely made it into the lift before Alec was kissing him, backing him into the mirrored sides of the lift with a thud before the doors had even closed. He stopped suddenly, drew back and laughed, and Sebastien — who looked like he’d just got whiplash — asked, “What?”

“Vampires do have reflections after all…”

Sebastien rolled his eyes and gave an indecorous snort-laugh. The sound was rich and warm and it filled Alec’s whole consciousness for a moment. “It’s only the antique ones with genuine silver backing that don’t show our reflections. Technology has evolved, thank goodness. Now, if you don’t mind, you were kissing me senseless…”

“Sorry,” he laughed, grabbing Sebastien’s white shirt collar and tugging him down again. They nearly didn’t get out of the lift at Sebastien’s floor, but as the doors began to close again, Sebastien slid his foot into the path of the doors and dragged Alec out.

Clothes landed in a steady line on the carpet between the door of his hotel room and Sebastien’s bed, ending with them both in only their boxer-briefs on the pristine white surface of the bed. Alec was tipped back onto the duvet and lay there staring up at Sebastien who was now no longer hiding his nature from him at all. Red eyes blazed in his face and as he opened his mouth to breath heavily, the tips of his fangs were just visible. There was no denying that he was a vampire.

“Was it like this before?” Alec asked hoarsely. “I mean… did I just not see it?”

“I had to work very hard to rein all this in,” he said, kneeling on the bed and crawling a little way up it. His own boxer briefs strained at the crotch where his erection tented the fabric, and Alec’s own black ones were stained with a little spot of wetness where his cock twitched with eager interest. “I only let it slip once or twice, but you were distracted at the time.”

Alec smirked and then moaned as Sebastien’s palm skimmed up over his groin and over his stomach. He’d always been a bit self-conscious about the softer parts of him, but Sebastien worshipped him like he was some kind of immortal god, lavishing attention on him over and over until he was shaking and gasping and sweating. “Please!” he begged after what felt like hours. “Oh god, please…”

Sebastien slid off the bed and deftly removed his own underwear before encouraging Alec to lift his hips for him and drawing his boxer-briefs down too. Before Alec could think or process what was happening, Sebastien was between his legs again and had swallowed the entire length of his cock to the back of his throat in one.

“Oh fuck,” he hissed, mind whiting out.

Sparks of pleasure shot up his spine as Sebastien worked him alternately with his mouth and his hand.

He teased him, licking the slit at the tip where pre-come beaded profusely now, teasing the delicate folds of skin until Alec thought he was going to shatter apart with want. Just before it got too much to bear, Sebastien would take him back into the wet heat of his mouth and work the underside of his cock with his tongue, swallowing occasionally and making Alec’s head spin all over again.

His balls tightened and he spread his legs wider, instinctively opening himself to Sebastien.

The vampire moaned against his cock and Alec whimpered. Pulling off him, an obscenely inviting thread of saliva and pre-come connecting them briefly, Sebastien sat up and reached for the top drawer of the bedside table. “Vampires neither catch nor transmit diseases,” he said, “But if you still wish to use protection —”

“— I haven’t been with anyone since you,” he rasped. “And I’m clean anyway…”

“As you wish,” Sebastien smiled, withdrawing an almost-new bottle of lube and sitting back down between his legs. Alec eyed it and Sebastien laughed shyly. “I opened it last night…” he admitted and Alec grinned.

That smirk shattered into an open-mouthed groan as Sebastien’s finger slid inside him and he began to prepare him. There was nothing perfunctory about it either. Sebastien took his time to work him open, his fingers fucking into him slowly, almost reverently, until he crooked them and Alec yelled as white-hot pleasure shot through him.

“Still so sensitive,” Sebastien crooned and Alec just shivered in response. His thighs were quivering too now from the effort of not bucking upwards into the empty air, his cock drooling freely over his slightly soft stomach with each futile twitch. He knew he was a wanton mess, and he couldn’t quite find it within himself to care. It seem to drive Sebastien wild anyway.

When Sebastien added a third finger, still stroking up and down his thigh with his other hand, Alec broke.

“Please, please, please,” he whimpered, out of breath and desperate. He cracked his eyes open and looked down at Sebastien to find that his red eyes had been almost eclipsed by his blown pupils. He gave a weak buck of his hips to try and encourage Sebastien to get on with it, but the vampire seemed utterly transfixed by him. He worked his fingers over Alec’s prostate gently but with absolute precision, and it was going to make Alec lose his mind altogether.

“Pleasepleaseplease, I need you, please…” he wailed as Sebastien’s mercifully short and blunt fingernail caught him just so and sent another jolt through him.

Finally the vampire moved, but as he withdrew completely, the loss almost shattered him. “Shh,” he smiled, stroking a soothing circle at Alec’s hipbone. “I’m still here…”

Alec whimpered like a wounded animal but his foggy brain accepted that the loss was only temporary, and he watched as Sebastien took his own flushed cock in his hands and slicked lube up the length of it in a couple of efficient strokes, head bowing under the attention it was receiving at last. He’d focused solely, completely, on Alec’s pleasure for all that time, and the realisation sent a fresh wave of lust rolling through Alec’s entire body.

He spread his legs, but Sebastien caught Alec under his left thigh and raised his leg easily, exposing Alec completely. Before Alec could process anything, his tip was nudging at Alec’s entrance, and then he had sunk all the way in to the hilt.

Sebastien froze then, bowed forwards over Alec like a supplicant, canines openly bared, eyes screwed shut, not even breathing.

“Sebastien… please…” Alec grunted. He’d never felt as full and whole as he had with Sebastien inside him, and yet this wasn’t enough. He’d ached for this. For months, he’d ached for it, and still it wasn’t enough. “Bast, please…”

Finally, the vampire opened his searing red eyes and began to move.

Slowly at first, he picked up his pace until Alec’s back was arching and his fingers clawed great furrows in the sheet beneath him. With each thrust, Alec saw stars at let out little fractured, broken gasps. Sebastien was quiet, almost silent, while Alec himself was unable to stop the sounds from tumbling out of him. He moaned and whimpered, gasped and cursed and begged until Sebastien yanked him further down the bed and lifted his hips a little way off the mattress entirely.

From this new angle, it was so blindingly good that Alec went alternately taut and limp with ecstasy. “I’m close,” he gasped over the slap of Sebastien’s hips meeting his skin.

The vampire snarled then; an inhuman sound that sent the hairs prickling all down Alec’s body.

“Come for me,” Alec begged in a whisper, opening his eyes and watching as Sebastien chased his release with a ferocity he’d never shown before. He wasn’t careless with his strength, but he was certainly forceful. Had Alec wanted to grunt ‘stop’, he knew the vampire would halt, but that was the furthest thing from his mind as he watched the flawless perfection of this man above him. “God you’re so beautiful,” he whispered. “Come for me, Bast…”

And at the sound of his name, uttered in little more than an abbreviated wheeze, Sebastien went still, hips spasming as his spine arched back like a bow at full draw, mouth open, head thrown back, fangs bared, eyes rammed shut, a sheen of sweat covering his perfect, bronze chest, his silver hair falling around him like a veil.

The sight of him like that wrenched Alec’s orgasm from him with such sudden force that he almost blacked out, and he clenched around Sebastien’s still-twitching cock as he spilled all over himself. Vaguely, he felt Sebastien trying to withdraw, but he grunted, “Don't… not yet… please… I… unngghh…” Unable to finish the sentence as the last shock waves fluttered through him, Alec went limp against the bed, breathing hard, his blood roaring in his ears.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed before Sebastien did finally move, but eventually he slid his softening cock out of him and Alec grunted at the cool slide of the vampire’s release down his thigh. He was too spent and exhausted to care about the mess though, and as Sebastien collapsed onto the bed beside him, he cracked one eye open.

Sebastien lay on his left side with his cheek pillowed on his bicep, facing Alec with his eyes closed, and he didn’t seem to be breathing. Tentatively, clumsily in the daze of his recent, mind-blowing orgasm, Alec reached out and touched the delicate skin on the inside of his arm. Sebastien jolted like he’d received an electric shock, and opened his eyes. They still burned bright red, but the rest of his face seemed a little softer somehow.

“You alright?” Alec asked.

Sebastien nodded.

“Been a while too, huh?” Alec grinned, flopping back down to stare at the ceiling where little points of light still sparkled across his vision every now and again.

“Not since that last night with you,” he said, words slurred with exhaustion. “Unless you count my rather pathetic climax alone last night, which I certainly don’t.”

“Not at all?”

He shook his head but didn’t speak again. The vampire lay perfectly still — perfectly undead — and perfectly vulnerable beside him without even a sheet to cover him. His cock now lay soft across the top of his right thigh, still drooling a little and making a mess on his olive skin. Not half as much mess as Alec was currently sporting over his torso, he mused with another smile.

With Sebastien showing no sign of stirring, Alec rolled carefully off the bed and headed on shaky legs to the shower. When he returned, Sebastien hadn’t moved, and he slid in beside him, drawing the sheets up around them and lying there to stare at him in the dimness of the unlit room, processing everything. Sebastien was back, and apparently wanted to stay. He could hardly believe how well that day had gone.

Waking the next morning with a cool, lean body pressed against him, Alec sighed, relieved that it hadn’t all been some kind of fever dream brought on by the stress of the exhibition.

The fact that the man next to him was an undead vampire who didn’t breathe in his sleep was a bit unnerving, and the way he had his cheek now resting on Alec’s collarbone and his nose pressed against his neck should also probably have been a bit of a warning, but Alec couldn’t bring himself to move, except to place a soft kiss on his forehead.

Suddenly, as if surfacing from boundless depths, Sebastien’s body heaved and he drew in a great, sucking, rasping inhale through his mouth. His lips brushed against Alec’s pulse and Sebastien began breathing heavily there for a moment.

“That will never not be weird,” Alec murmured.

“Apologies,” Sebastien muttered, trying to roll away. He paused, freezing, and then whispered, “I fell asleep…” as if that was something miraculous.

“Yeah, you passed out almost as soon as we both finished,” he snickered.

Sebastien turned his big, dark, doe eyes on Alec and said, “No, you don’t understand. Vampires don’t just shut down like that the way humans do. We only sleep somewhere we know is secure and safe…”

“Oh,” Alec said significantly as the realisation plunged through him. He tucked his arm under Sebastien’s head and tugged him closer so that their bodies were once again flush with one another. “I’m glad you felt safe…”

Sebastien sighed, trailing his fingertips across Alec’s chest in absent circles. His cock twitched too, and Alec shot him a look.

With a bashful smile, Sebastien said, “I can’t help that I find you attractive, Alec…”

“Wasn't complaining,” he grinned.

It was a long time before they rolled off each other that morning, with the sun well up and the sheets damp with sweat and tangled around their ankles. Vampires, it seemed, had a longer refractory period than humans, but Sebastien also came so big when he did that Alec wasn’t surprised. He gave everything to Alec when he came that Alec could quite happily lie there all day just staring at him as he came down afterwards.

The room was chilly, however, and when Sebastien seemed to have dozed off again around ten o’clock, he headed to clean up. Again.

As the steam billowed around him, he tipped his head back into the stream of searing water and nearly yelped as the shower door opened and let in a rush of cold air as Sebastien stepped into the stall as well. Cool hands found his waist and then strong fingers kneaded his arse appreciatively before Sebastien kissed and nibbled up his shoulder and traps to his neck. Instinctively, Alec tilted his head to one side and Sebastien moaned, pressing open-mouthed kisses there over and over as the hot water coursed around his lips.

The sensation must have been too much for him because he pulled back sharply with a hiss and Alec turned to face him, water still streaming down around them. Sebastien stood frozen, eyes red, staring at Alec’s neck. “I shouldn’t…” he began. “That was stupid of me… I…”

“What happens to the treaty if the human is willing?” Alec found himself asking. He’d thought about it a lot before drifting off the previous night. If Sebastien had wanted to drink from him, to feed on him, what would happen to the tenuous peace between hunters and vampires like him.

“Don’t,” Sebastien said through gritted teeth. His canines were elongated, Alec noted.

“What happens?”

“The only way it’s permitted is if the human agrees by written contract to become the vampire’s source.”

“‘Source’?” he asked. “That sounds like an official title.”

“It is,” Sebastien said, relaxing a fraction and putting his hands back on Alec’s hips. His cock stirred with interest and Sebastien smiled. He leaned back in, as if proving to both of them that he could do this, and kissed down Alec’s neck again from the junction of his jaw all the way to his collarbones. He ground his hips against Alec and they both began to harden again.

Alec’s hand went to Sebastien’s cock and he started to stroke him gently, knowing he was still sensitive from their last round. Sebastien let out a ragged exhale, the cool breath making Alec shiver slightly in the heat of the water.

“So…” Alec pressed gently, thumbing across the top of Sebastien’s flushed cock.

“Hmm?” he asked, a little stunned.

“What is a source?”

“A human becoming a vampire’s source means that the vampire drinks only from that human. It’s… an ancient - ah - custom,” he said, gripping Alec’s shoulders as Alec upped the speed and adjusted his grip to tighten just a little around his now fully hard cock. “Rarely used today, but still… nngh…”

“Mmm?” Alec grinned, loving that the vampire’s thoughts were unravelling under his touch. “Go on.”

“You’re a menace,” he laughed breathily, nipping playfully at his neck and then kissing him hard. Alec’s back suddenly hit the icy tiles behind him and he yelped, rearing into Sebastien who wasn’t all that much warmer, though the heat of the water was raising his body temperature from the ambient temperature of the room.

“So if…” Alec began, somewhat distracted as Sebastien’s kisses continued and the vampire raked his fingers through Alec’s wet hair, scraping luxuriantly across his scalp hard enough to make him break off and groan. “If… if I wanted to become your…”

“Don’t,” Sebastien whispered. “Not yet. Not so soon after… all this time.”

The subtext was clear. Let’s see if this is going to last before I risk my life with the hunters guild and your family, shall we?

“Fair enough. Nothing to say I can’t suck you off now though, right?”

“Nothing at all,” he whispered and then immediately cursed as Alec sank to his knees and did just that.

It was only as he was handing in his own letter of resignation that the truth really sank in for Alec. He’d gone from post-grad assistant in the department to a full lecturer, where he’d stayed for six years, and now he was moving a little way out of the city, and moving in with his boyfriend of a year. A vampire, nonetheless. His life had gone from miserable to wonderful in that relatively short time.

Sebastien met him at the edge of campus after he’d handed the letter personally to the head of department. Standing under the verdant cherry trees, Sebastien looked like a vision. He wore tight, dark jeans and a loose shirt, half untucked, with his long hair tied back in a loose plait, fly-aways wisping around his head like mist. Alec walked straight up to him as the vampire opened his arms, flung his own arms around Sebastien’s neck, and hugged him.

“All done?” Sebastien asked without pulling back.

He nodded and popped back down from his toes. They were both tall men, but Sebastien had a few inches on him still. With a slightly doe-eyed expression, Sebastien smiled and kissed him gently. “I love you,” he said softly between kisses.

“Come on, you big sap,” Alec said. “I’ve got to be out of my apartment at four.”

“Such a romantic,” Sebastien sighed melodramatically.

With Sebastien’s supernatural strength, loading up the little van they’d hired for his stuff didn’t take long, and after giving his keys back to the landlord and signing the final bits and bobs, they were on the road.

The old farmhouse had been a find of Sebastien’s, and it needed some work. “Well, what else am I going to do on long, impossibly sunny summer days while you’re running your own business from the little art studio at the bottom of the garden?” Sebastien had laughed when they’d first viewed it, the back of his hand pressed to his forehead in a terribly ‘put upon’ gesture. “I might as well spruce the place up.”

“It needs more than a light ‘sprucing up’,” Alec had said, brows raised at the rotten wooden beam and the tired 1950’s kitchen. “And don’t tell me you made your wealth flipping houses back in the day.”

“Would you rather I told you I robbed the Bank of England and they still haven’t noticed?” he replied archly before planting a kiss squarely on Alec’s scratchy, stubble-darkened cheek.

With a scowl, Alec had shot him a look. “I honestly don’t know whether that’s a lie or not…”

“It’s a lie,” Sebastien snorted. “I can’t believe you think I’m a criminal.”

“You’re a vampire,” he’d retorted. “You could probably have just walked in there and demanded a small fortune in gold ingots and they wouldn’t have objected…”

“Please. I do have some scruples. And besides, I only use my charms on poor, miserable artists to get into their pants…”

“And their hearts too, apparently,” he’d scoffed as they’d left the dilapidated house with Sebastien’s hand in Alec’s back pocket, fingers firmly cupped around his arse.

It took another six months for the work to be completed, and even with Sebastien’s not inconsiderable talents in the DIY and home improvement departments, they still had to call in a team of builders to fix the pointing in one wall and to sort out a few other structural issues. But by the end of the work, the farmhouse was quite frankly the most stunning place Alec could ever have dreamed of living. Exposed oak beams and a fireplace big enough to park a tractor in were only half of the best features of the place.

One clear, frosty evening in late October, the pair sat outside on the recently finished patio, a small cast iron fire-pit crackling away and sending sparks and heat twisting up into the night sky, a glass of wine each in one hand and their free hand clasped around the other’s.

“Bastien…?” Alec said, not taking his eyes from the mother-of-pearl points of light in the sky above.

“Mmm?”

“I’ve been thinking a lot lately about… about becoming your source.” He didn’t miss the sharp inhale from his partner, nor the way Sebastien went completely still in the wooden chair beside him. He also didn’t say anything. “I’d… I’d like to ask how often you’d need to feed from me, and… what the repercussions would be for me as the human…”

Still Sebastien didn’t speak for a long time, and Alec worried he’d spoilt the serenity of their evening with the sensitive question. Finally, the vampire cleared his throat and Alec realised with a jolt that he was near tears.

“Bast?”

At the sound of the pet-name, Sebastien blinked rapidly and two mirroring tears tracked down his cheeks in perfect synchrony. “I thought you’d forgotten all about it,” he said in a hoarse croak. “I didn’t want to bring it up again.”

“You should have done, silly,” Alec groused, and he was met with a watery smile that didn’t meet his eyes at all.

“Well, to answer your questions,” he said, trying to sound unaffected even if he clearly was. “Every three months is safe enough, so long as you take an iron supplement. If you don’t, you might feel a little more tired right afterwards. We generally take slightly less than a person would give at a blood donation, if that helps put it into context.”

Alec turned and frowned at him.

“What?”

“You’ve gone all clinical,” he said, shuffling a little and setting his wine glass down on the edge of the stone fire pit. “Do you not want this anymore?”

Sebastien swallowed thickly and looked away. In the ochre and copper flicker of the flames before them, his suddenly red eyes seemed to glow like coals. “More than you know…” he rasped.

“Then what’s the problem?”

He chewed the inside of his cheek for a moment before turning back to face Alec with glassy eyes. “I’m frightened.”

Alec’s scowl deepened and he rose from his chair to straddle and sink down into Sebastien’s lap. Settled in his new position, he kissed Bast’s lips and stroked his loose, white-blond hair out of his eyes. “Of what?”

“Losing control. It’s been… decades since… If I hurt you, Alec… it would break me.”

“How about we start small? Just a taste?”

Sebastien looked so young then in the firelight. He suddenly looked like the twenty year old man he had been when he’d been conscripted into the army and sent out to battle to die, only to be turned at the eleventh hour by a nurse in a field hospital who’d seen something special in him. Thank god she had, Alec mused.

Alec leaned back a little and brought his index finger slowly to Sebastien’s lips. The vampire swallowed, red gaze drifting down to watch its approach before looking back at Alec’s face, searching, questioning, doubting.

Alec nodded and slid his fingertip a few millimetres into Sebastien’s mouth. The vampire inhaled, closed his eyes, and then opened his mouth properly. Alec brought the pad of his fingertip to the underside of his right canine, and pressed.

After a moment, the pressure gave way and a prick of pain like a needle pierced his skin. A bead of blood welled there instantly and he withdrew to let it swell. Sebastien clearly smelled the blood because his pupils dilated and he sucked in a sharp breath.

“Easy,” Alec said. “It’s only a drop.” And with that, he turned his finger over and held it above the tip of Sebastien’s tongue.

Paralysed in a heartbeat of terror, Sebastien sat rigid, frozen, wide eyed, but Alec lowered his finger to meet the slight roughness of his tongue, and Sebastien’s eyes rolled. He moaned and let his tongue play across the tiny pinprick wound, fingers digging into Alec’s hips. The tiny wound had already stopped bleeding, but he sucked gently, drawing a little taste more. Then he released Alec and stared at him, a look of stunned awe on his beautiful face.

“How was that?” Alec asked, briefly thumbing a fond arc across Sebastien’s cheekbone before dropping his hand.

“Manageable,” Sebastien murmured.

“Ok, I have to ask, do I taste good?”

The tense spell that encapsulated both of them broke and Sebastien cracked a smile, fangs and all. “Yes,” he rasped.

“So… I can become your source?”

“If you wish it, yes. You can withdraw the honour at any time. I won’t hold you to it.”

“Good to know,” he said, only half laughing. A moment later, he said, “When… When do you want to start… you know… properly. Formally?”

Sebastien’s eyes had drifted to the rabbiting pulse in his neck.

“Now?” he asked. “It’s only been a few weeks since you went to the blood bank though…”

“That’s…” he said, hands finding Alec’s waist and holding him gently. “That probably works in my favour this time. Are you sure you want this?”

“To be ‘yours’ on your terms as well as mine? Of course,” he smiled, and watched as another tear rolled down his perfect olive cheek. He tilted his head to one side, feeling a little sheepish, and said in barely a whisper, “Whenever you like.”

“Really? Now?” Sebastien hissed, chest suddenly heaving. “Just like that?”

Alec laughed quietly. “It’s not as if we’ve just met. I know you, Bast. I trust you. I wouldn’t offer this to just any old vampire, you know?”

Unable to stop the smile from twisting his lips, Sebastien finally relented with a nod. “Alright. But not here. You’re going to want to be more comfortable.”

“But I’m already comfortable here,” he whined playfully, wiggling his hips in Sebastien’s lap, eliciting a deep, rumbling groan.

With a roll of his red eyes, Sebastien sighed. “Stubborn arse,” he grumbled without sting.

“You love my arse.”

“Yes, you’re right. I do,” he said.

Tenderly he ran his thumb down the line of Alec’s carotid and inhaled deeply. “I love you,” he whispered. And then he leaned close. He took his time kissing Alec’s neck until he was gasping and rocking his hips against Sebastien.

“Please…”

“Last chance,” Sebastien said against the skin of his throat.

Alec shook his head. “I want this. I’m yours.”

So the vampire sank his fangs into the artery. After the initial surprise and sting, Alec’s whole body lit up as the venom hit his bloodstream, and he bucked into Sebastien who held him still with what should have been frightening ease. There was no fear behind the gesture, only longing and love and sweet, aching, rolling, unending pleasure.

“Oh fuck,” Alec moaned, going limp in his arms as Sebastien began to feed, withdrawing his fangs to draw more deeply on him while he held him easily in his arms. The vampire moaned, lips locked against his skin so as not to spill anything. The motion of his throat suddenly fascinated Alec as he swallowed down his own life-force, but before he could raise his hand to touch fingertips to his Adam’s apple, pleasure exploded in his mind and he forgot everything.

When he came back to himself, he was inside, lying on their bed, with a small, soft dressing over his neck, and Sebastien sitting quietly on the bed beside him, staring down at him and holding his hand. As he blinked his eyes, he frowned. “What…?”

“It’s intense the first time,” Sebastien murmured fondly. “I did say you’d want to be somewhere more comfortable.”

“ S’perfect,” he slurred. “Fuck me…” he added, more curse than command.

“Maybe later, hmm?” Sebastien smiled. There was a flush to his cheeks that Alec had never seen before, and a brightness to his eyes.

“C’mere,” Alec said, patting the bed beside him. With Sebastien lying silently next to him, Alec rolled over and hooked one leg over Bast’s thigh. “Love you,” he mumbled, sinking into a deep and exhausted sleep, even as Sebastien’s hand came up to cradle his head.

The vampire smiled, kissing his forehead. “I love you too.”

___

Hope you've enjoyed this 23,700k story! Looking forward to your comments as always. Don’t forget to let me  know if you did enjoy it by leaving a like and/or reblogging it!

| Masterlist | Patreon (closes 31st Dec 2020) | Ko-fi | Writing Commissions |

#vampire #exophilia #male vampire #male vampire x human #male vampire x male human #vampire x human

[mashkaroom]

Lengthy analysis of Holes, as promised!. This will include spoilers, which will be marked. Just gonna go through the book and the philosophy/themes/connections I caught onto this time around. Stuff discussed, in order: connections to Camus, on the question of children’s books, systems, cycles, and why Stanley is gay and jewish 😏

Camus:

The first and perhaps most obvious set of texts/theories it makes sense to put Holes in conversation with is the works of Albert Camus. Holes starts out with a description of the sun and the heat, which readers of the Stranger will remember are major themes there. The heat continues to be a prominent part of the story, though thematically, it functions very differently in the two books. In The Stranger it primarily represents the indifference of the universe (or at least so claim a ton of sources and I’m inclined to agree) and the lack of control we exert over our own lives while in Holes it’s basically the opposite of that. The heat and drought is implied to be a semi-divine punishment for a past injustice and, moreover, the elite adults of the camp have air conditioning and access to shade: the sun does not affect everyone equally in Holes as it does in The Stranger (though even that is debatable: I don’t think this was Camus’s intent, but it’s notable that it’s only the white englishman who’s driven to murder by the sun. This could certainly be read as critique of colonizers who cannot/refuse to coexist with the land and environment and how the indigenous population always suffers for it, but I digress). The other Camusian parallel one is immediately inclined to draw is that, of course, of Sysiphus: there’s the repetitive and seemingly meaningless act of digging holes not to mention that carrying stuff up a mountain is both thematically and plot-wise a very important part of Holes. But, once again, it is eventually revealed that both acts do carry an inherent meaning. Holes does not present the image of an uncaring universe: on the contrary, destiny and semi-divine influence plays a major role. The story may start out with a series of seemingly random and inherently meaningless events, but as the story progresses, people, actions, items, and events become increasingly imbued with meaning. In the Holes universe, one must imagine Sisyphus redeemed, not through the act of rolling the stone but by rebelling against it. I have difficulty imagining that Sachar was not thinking of Camus while writing Holes, or, at the very least, that if he encountered Camus afterwards, he must have been struck by the similarities. I don’t know if there was a specific intent in creating a story so embroiled in Camusian absurdism, especially since the target readership is (allegedly) children who almost certainly are not recognizing specific allusions to Camus, so perhaps the similarities are purely aesthetic — after all, everything that is nominally similar does play quite different thematic roles. However, I would never pass up the opportunity to talk about the myth of sisyphus and I think placing Holes in dialogue with Camus can raise some interesting questions about the nature of meaning.

Is Holes a children’s book?

Speaking, though, of the target audience, the audience for this book is in fact children. What about it makes it a children’s book makes it difficult to say: the protagonists are children (and, I would argue, it is not a coming of age story, despite the claims of one piece of lit crit about Holes in which i disagreed with almost every claim made, but i digress once more) and the writing style is fairly simple: you can read it with a second-grader’s vocabulary. Also, of course, being a children’s book doesn’t (and crucially shouldn’t!) mean that it’s lacking in depth and complexity. However, I think most thematically rich children’s books tend to be quite allegorical. The Little Prince is a good example. Holes is just way too specific for its sole market to be children. It’s either intended to be read by multiple generations at once or for child readers to return to it as an adult. It addresses themes of racism (and not just generic racism, anti-black racism in the reconstruction south), homelessness, intergenerational trauma. and the modern carceral system. These are social critiques that will probably go over most kids’ heads (certainly over mine). However, the themes of the text are not inaccessible for children. You don’t have to understand the particular history of the US criminal justice system or even that Sachar is making a comparison to anything specific to get that the system that he’s portraying is unjust. Knowing the real-world context just adds another layer to the text. Holes also has one of the hallmarks of children’s books that I really like, which is a particular type of absurdism that the child characters come up against. This always rang true to me as a kid and well into my teens, when you start understanding that your life is controlled by some set of systems, but you haven’t quite gotten what those systems are or why and how they came about. Like nowadays, I can say “we did this in elementary school because of a state law, that because of a federal law, that because of the history of puritanism, and this because we got a grant for it”, but as a kid nobody tells you these things or really even cares to explain why the rules are as they are, and the systems that govern your world, often with no small degree of violence and almost always with an inherent disregard for your agency, are ineffable and slippery, and good children’s books capture this really well (Series of Unfortunate Events is probably my favorite example of this, where a secret organization that everything is implicated in and more more tragicomic details about it get revealed until the Baudelaire children find themselves to some degree members with mixed feelings is honestly an excellent coming-of-age allegory. oh, not to mention the constant conflict with bureacracy. god that series is so good, everyone read it). Back to Holes, Sachar weaves the more fantastical ineffable elements in with real-world issues so neatly. Stanley’s family is allegedly cursed, which is why Stanley keeps having bad luck, but he also lives in systemic poverty, which is also why he keeps having bad luck. Sachar eschews neither the allegorical elements common in children’s literature nor the more direct systemic critiques more often found in YA and adult lit, and it creates a really unique vibe. I think the story really benefited from having a children’s author, and I would love to see more authors in both children’s and adult lit do this!

Systems

Speaking of the systems, this book is surprisingly radical. Like it’s full-on an abolitionist text. The law is pretty much only ever presented as adversarial, both in the story of Stanley’s present time, and in Kate and Sam’s story. It’s implied if not stated repeatedly that Stanley and the other boys are pretty much victims of circumstance and have been imprisoned pretty much for the crime of being poor. The hole-digging is shown to be cruel and bad for the boys. It’s noted that in digging the holes Stanley’s heart hardened along with his muscles. This is of course very evocative of the system of retributive justice we have in America. Additionally, Camp Greenlake’s existence can ultimately be traced back to an act of racist violence, also in close parallel with our prison system. Hole’s stance on justice is very restorative. Punishments are never shown to work: only through righting the wrongs can true justice be achieved. Moreover, Holes even gives the opportunity for redemption to a minor antagonist when [minor spoiler] Derrick Dunne, the kid who was bullying Stanley in the beginning ultimately plays a small role in helping Stanley regain his freedom [spoiler over].

Cycles

Cycles are a major theme in holes, and Sachar creates a unique temporality to support this theme. There are 3 interwoven stories: that of Stanley’s in the present date, that of Stanley’s ancestors, and that of the land that Stanley is on (though, as I will delve into later, it’s at least a little implied that Stanley is descended from the characters in that story also). The stories from the past reach in and touch the present. You can’t untangle the past from the future. Looking at this again through a social justice lens, it could be seen as fairly progressive commentary on what to do with regards to America’s past wrongs. The past cannot and will not be left in the past: it must be dealt with on an ongoing basis. Even the warden, the greatest villain of Stanley’s story has a sympathetic moment at the end where it’s revealed that she, too, is stuck in a cycle of intergenerational trauma she can’t break free from.

Stanley is gay and jewish

Ok, I will now talk about how Stanley is a queer Jew, but this entire section will be riddled with spoilers, so read the book first and then come back!

A queer Jew?? i hear you ask. You’re just projecting. Yes, 100%. However, I think that interpreting Stanley as both these things adds to the thematic richness of the text. Let’s start with the Jewish bit: it’s not explicitly stated that Stanley is Jewish, but his great-great grandfather is a nerd-boy Latvian immigrant with the last name Yelnats, and his great-grandfather was a stockbrocker, so, like, ya know. Louis Sachar is also himself Jewish, as was the director of the movie, who cast Jews in the roles of Stanley and his family (dyk Shia LaBeouf is Jewish?? i did not), so I know I’m not the only one interpreting it this way. And honestly, does it not resemble the book of exodus quite a bit? They escape what is pretty much a form of slavery and wander in the desert. Sploosh resembles the well of Miriam, and then they ascend up a mountain to the “thumb of god”, perhaps in a parallel to Moses receiving the commandments. Is this a useful way to look at the text? Who knows. But what I think we do get from reading Stanley as Jewish is a more nuanced discussion of privilege and solidarity. If Stanley and his ancestors are Jewish (or at least Jew-ish), then what placed the curse upon his family (and, we see, Madame Zeroni’s family isn’t doing so great either) is the breaking of solidarity between oppressed people. But also, the fact that you are also marginalized does not wash you of the responsibility to other marginalized groups. I don’t think Sachar intended it this way, because I think he probably would have talked about it more if he had, but I would say this book can be read as a call to the American Jewish community to take an active role in forging solidarity with other marginalized groups and actively righting the wrong you, your ancestors, and your community wrought upon them.

Now, why do I think Stanley and Zero are gay? Before I go into how it augments the text thematically, I bring to your attention this passage.

Two nights later, Stanley lay awake staring up at the star-filled sky. He was too happy to fall asleep. 

He knew he had no reason to be happy. He had heard or read somewhere that right before a person freezes to death, he suddenly feels nice and warm. He wondered if perhaps he was experiencing something like that. 

It occurred to him that he couldn't remember the last time he felt happiness. It wasn't just being sent to Camp Green Lake that had made his life miserable. Before that he'd been unhappy at school, where he had no friends, and bullies like Derrick Dunne picked on him. No one liked him, and the truth was, he didn't especially like himself. 

He liked himself now.

 He wondered if he was delirious. He looked over at Zero sleeping near him. Zero's face was lit in the starlight, and there was a flower petal in front of his nose that moved back and forth as he breathed. It reminded Stanley of something out of a cartoon. Zero breathed in, and the petal was drawn up, almost touching his nose. Zero breathed out, and the petal moved toward his chin. It stayed on Zero's face for an amazingly long time before fluttering off to the side. 

Stanley considered placing it back in front of Zero's nose, but it wouldn't be the same.

Girl, I’m sorry, that’s gay as shit! It’s such tremendous tenderness, not to mention the traditionally romantic imagery of moonlight and the flower petal. There’s also the non-romantic aspects. Stanley’s inexplicable happiness and suddenly liking himself evokes, for me, at least, the experience of coming out to yourself, of realizing who you are. Later in this chapter, Stanley contemplates running away with Zero despite the fact that it would make them lifelong outlaws. This book, remember, was written in 1998, and homosexuality was decriminalized in 2003, and the book takes place in Texas. It would have been, if anything, even more evocative of gayness when it was published. Now as to how this increases the thematic richness of the text: obviously, in carrying Hector up to the thumb, giving him water, and singing the lullaby, he redeems the wrong done by his ancestor, after which his family’s luck immediately changed. However, after Hector and Zero return to camp Greenlake, rain falls there for the first time. What was redeemed here? Remember that earlier on we learn that what caused the drought was the fact that Sam the onion man (who was black) was murdered for kissing Kate Barlow (who was white) — so what would a [post-factum wronging of that right look like? Zero, as we remember, is black while Stanley is white, so them being in a romantic relationship would be a successful interracial relationship to redeem the one Kate and Sam weren’t able to have. It’s also, as I said earlier, implied that Stanley is descended from Kate Barlow on his mother’s side: Stanley remembers seeing the other half of the lipstick tube with her initials on it in his mother’s bedroom. I’d also argue that Sam the Onion Man is implied to be descended from Madame Zeroni (chronology-wise, I think he’d be her grandson). First of all, there’s no follow-up with Madame Zeroni’s son who moved to America, and pretty much all other plot threads are followed up with in Holes. Secondly, Sam mentions water running uphill, just like Madame Zeroni does. Even without these speculations being true, Stanley and Hector being gay would redeem the land they’re on, but If they are, the parallel with the other ancestral redemption arc becomes to much to imagine it was unintentional.

So anyway, those are my thoughts on Holes, now everyone go read it!

#was trying to express my dad that shia labeouf is jewish but couldn't remember how to pronounce his name #so i was like. dyk sheeya labeeoof is jewish? indiana jone's son. shaya labyof. Pap. Indiana Jone's son. you know who he is. Pap come on #when he figured out who he was he asked if harrison ford was also jewish #as a joke #and turns out he fucking is! his maternal grandparents are jews from minsk! #quoth my father: 'they're everywhere. nothing is sacred' #lololol #anyway this fucking booooook you guys

[onlygnosticmasters]

Nature The Law Giver, Chapter 56

Man, in his greed, will heedlessly sacrifice anything in order to attain his end. Each day a forest disappears to provide logs for the mills, with the result that destructive nature is becoming more active and summers and winters are becoming more severe. Cyclones and tornadoes do not recur where virgin forests still exist, for the tall trees temper the effect of the destructive agencies. Nature, however, steps in and penalizes man for his destruction and wastage of her bounty.

In England, during the Great War, much oak and other timber was cut down to provide necessary pit props. It will take at least ninety-nine years of a reforestation before this damage can be remedied. When the trees covering the sides of our mountains are destroyed, torrents of water carry away the fertile earth, and eroded stony deserts are formed. Today even the small trees are ruthlessly cut or broken down in the process of logging, and reforestation by artificial means is necessary. The more man destroys the handiwork of nature, the greater the calamity to future generations. But there is another angle to this law, for we are told that in proportion to man’s destruction, nature shuts down on the activities of his memory.

If the citizen who destroys one tree will with love and reverence plant three others in its place he will form an alliance with the consciousness of nature which will afford him a shelter of protection. Devotion to God through kindness to nature will redeem man from such ignorance. As man destroys the trees and vegetation, nature's supply of oxygen is reduced, and oxygen is man’s elixir of life. There are many places on the earth today which afford man an earthly paradise, because the climatic conditions are tempered by the bounty of nature’s vegetation and man receives his full supply of oxygen. When a man who has lived close to nature enters the great industrial sections of a city, he will experience difficulty in breathing and a sense of oppression. Smoke from the factories, especially where soft coal is burned, causes havoc and destruction among humanity because the soot with which it is laden clogs the lungs, and the gases rob the blood stream of its oxygen. Nature's purifying oxygen is diluted with carbon oxides, and men and women are “born tired,” live in exhaustion, and die in despair. The impurities man liberates in the air are brought into his own system, and he should realize that he is suffering the penalty of his own acts.

Nature looks too man to help repair the calamities which he creates, and whoever works to alleviate the misfortune of nature unconsciously redeems himself. There are many real lovers of nature who beautify their houses and gardens, and on them nature bestows her love and affection. I have heard many sensitive people say, “Love comes to me from my garden for the care I bestow upon it.” However, people seldom exert themselves outside their own environment or seek to remedy the destruction which others have caused. While nature seeks to bring happiness to her children, she often weeps over the desecration of her bounty which Christmas brings, when the small fir, pine and hemlock trees are uprooted and sold over the counter for a few cents each.

A dear friend of mine, whose nature is of the “sylphid” type, once purchased a small Christmas tree for her drawing room, which she painted a silver bronze. It is most beautiful when decorated, but she said last Christmas and has said for several years, “I shall save it and use it again next year, for I never wish to kill another fir tree.” She had been to one of the big shops, and had seen hundreds of the small trees piled up to provide a passing thrill for the children and grown-ups at Christmas.

The devas have prophetic knowledge and they often inform the student what catastrophes are to take place when the Titans within the earth will be released to work destruction and havoc among mankind. Our modern Sodoms and Gomorrahs will in the fullness of time all suffer their due penalty which their destructiveness has brought to nature. When a place becomes so saturated with evil that it becomes destructive to the pure in heart, it remains only a matter of time when it will be razed to the ground.

I have witnessed the manipulation of natural forces by an Initiate during one of the great commercial crises in America, in order to prevent nature's penalties being too severe. And if it were not for the great immortals now living, the aftermath of the last great war would have been terrible beyond the conception of man.

Man comes naked into this world, and naked goes he hence. The perfection, the experience, which he gains to bring him into the consciousness of Truth can be summed up in one question, “What did he learn about himself?”

I have been privileged to read messages which certain Yogis wrote before they passed out, and the knowledge they had gained was of true spiritual worth, even though the whole life experience could be summed up in a single phrase. They also wrote minutely about knowledge they had gained in far distant countries, in order to enable the reader at some later date to open the book of the daily life and customs of a people who are today known only through archaeological research. Some of the writings of these seers gives an insight into the daily life and religious observances of past civilizations, and when the will of nature allows, humanity will be given information about Lemuria, Atlantis, Cush, Egypt, and Asiatic and African cities which today we know little.

This information will become available to those who are seeking to abide by the laws and edicts of nature's consciousness (natural law). But until a man passes the border which separates him from nature's consciousness, and lives according to her law, he cannot enjoy her bounty and protection. The devas often say, “How few we find in humanity who can become our spokesmen to redeem man into an understanding of our purpose in humanity’s endeavor.”

The great light-bringers to our earth have said, “Thou shalt not kill,” yet today mankind is recklessly killing other human beings by pestilence, wars, gas, greed, and the adulteration of nature's products. Could the total be known, the entire loss of life through the Great War would be negligible in comparison to the killing going quietly behind the scenes through man’s violation of natural law.

Disease is becoming so subtle that science is baffled to ascertain its cause or cure, and there is a new disease developing which will attack the membranes of a man’s astral and mental bodies, for man in his ignorance releases powers and forces into the atmosphere, the effect of which on the human brain and man’s causal body sheath he little knows.

After many years the manipulators of the X-ray are beginning to learn how to protect themselves from injury. This discovery, which has been of the greatest service to mankind, produced martyrs before the operator learned to safeguard himself against its subtle affects.

The average person seldom realizes that there are many pathways to God, and that there is one through science, wherein nature instructs humanity, and although many martyrs are sacrificed, yet when man lives the natural life according to nature's law, he will live to a greater age and gain a greater knowledge, and enjoy a greater freedom from disease and annoyance. From the requirement of knowledge comes wisdom, and wisdom points the path that leads to the “place of understanding.”

There are many today, generally unheeded by the populace, over whom nature has cast her Shekinah, and these are our “wise men.” We have many politicians, but a few statesmen. The devas often speak of the wise men in nature, meaning those men who have attained to her wisdom. These men are given great powers to ennoble the mind of humanity, and protect the innocent, and in proportion as they increase, the level of human accomplishment is advanced.

#nature #natural law #spirituality #truth #disease #war #deva #atlantis #egypt #christmas #initiate #immortals #gnosis #self realization #climate crisis #climate change #global warming #politics #politicians #illness #health #consciousness #spiritual awakening #lemuria #world war #world war 1 #world war 2 #city life #england #widsom

[weirdestbooks]

Dominion of New England Chapter 3

Massachusetts Bay Hates Taxes

Massachusetts. Hating taxes and the British government since 1686.

New England POV

"Hello Governor Andros. I am the Dominion of New England." I said, introducing myself to my new Governor. Governor Andros seemed surprised by me, most likely because of my physical age.

"Hello Dominion of New England." He responded.

"Just call me New England. It's shorter. What are you planning on doing as Governor? My people don't like me, so you have to be careful not to anger them severely if you want me to live to see the end of the year." I said. Governor Andros looked slightly surprised.

"Why don't they like you?" He asked.

"They see me as violating some of their rights as Englishmen." I said. Governor Andros looked confused and slightly angry.

"These men left behind their rights as Englishmen when they came here New England. They will not and do not deserve to be treated as Englishmen." Governor Andros said, speaking slowly as if he was talking to a child. Which to be fair, I was, both physically and chronologically. But I wasn't mentally. I was also shocked and horrified.

'You snake!'

'They are part of England, even if they don't live on your island!'

'What on earth is wrong with this man?'

'He doesn't understand anything!'

'This dominion will fall apart quickly under his leadership.'

'If he says that, what else will he do? What else is Governor Andros going to do to take away our people's rights?'

I definitely was going to die sooner rather than later. My people would never stand for that. I could only hope Governor Andros realizes that before things get worse.

—————————————————

It got worse. I thought surely this'll make Governor Andros see what he's doing isn't liked by the people here. He didn't seem to get the message.

'He didn't get our message, just wanted to send his own.'

Reverend John Wise had led a protest against the taxes-something I told Governor Andros was a possibility, as my people didn't appreciate the taxes. Governor Andros said I was being ridiculous, and that just because I looked like a child doesn't mean I got to act like one.

'I didn't realize reasonable concerns with childish Governor Andros. My mistake. Next time I won't warn you when our people decide to do something else as a way to tell them they hate what you are doing. That man is an idiot! Governor Dudley was better than he was.'

'At least Governor Dudley was one of our people. This is just some random man from England who thinks he knows what's best for us!

I was furious about that. I was also furious about the things one of Governor Andros's officials had said to Reverend Wise. The official said that Reverend Wise had no more privileges left to him, and some other stuff I didn't fully understand.

I didn't like what Governor Andros had been doing. I know he wanted to make sure that my laws matched England's laws, but I just didn't think he was doing it the right way. He didn't take my peoples opinions and lives into account, he just did whatever he wanted in order to do what England wanted.

I was starting to understand why my people hated me and direct rule so much.

If I was one of my people, I'd hate me too.

—————————————————

"How's things going with your new Governor?" My brother asked. I sighed.

"My people don't like it. He's taking away their land, making them pay taxes they can't afford, banned town meetings, introducing the Church of England into Massachusetts Bay and Plymouth, and done a bunch of stuff my people hate. Why does he have to do that?" I said. British America sighed.

'Most of us aren't complaining though. It's just people from Massachusetts Bay.'

"People are like that." He stated.

"My government-England's government-Governor Andros doesn't like them for that." British America sighed and shook his head.

'Yeah they aren't the biggest fans of us New Englanders.'

"That happens sometimes. Just promise me this little brother. If given the choice between your people and your government, always pick your people." British America said, looking me in the eyes. I knew that, but what if...

"But what if that means I have to hurt you?" I asked, fear in my voice. I didn't want to hurt my big brother. He was a big part of my life and constantly supported me. I didn't want you to hurt him, no matter what my people said.

'That's life.'

'Especially life for countries.'

"We're colonies. We don't get to experience the same luxuries as humans. If we have to hurt family for our people, then we should. We are our people, and we owe it to them to stand by them because they'll stand by us." British America said, like it was a fact. I didn't want that to be a fact.

"That's not fair! Why can't we have families?" I protested. Why can't I have a family? Why can't I make my own decisions without them being affected by my people? British America sighed.

'You can certainly try and have a family, so long as you're ready for it to be destroyed.'

"We can. It's just...family...family for us is just a temporary thing. If we were humans it would be a different story, but we aren't. We never will be. I love my family, but I know that I have to side with my people. They're my people. I'm connected to them in a way that I'll never be connected to you, or to England, or to Uncle Ireland or Uncle Wales, or Union, or the multitude of siblings we have. You'll understand someday, when your people decide on something our family doesn't want." British America said, his voice sad, and even though he looked young, you could tell he was an old man.

'What an old man he is. Wonder what he's seen before we came along.'

"I don't want that day to come." I said, leaning into British America's side. He laughed, but he just sounded sad.

"With any luck, you'll never have that day." He said, his eyes becoming distant. He shook his head like he was clearing whatever he was thinking about from his mind. "Enough sad stuff. Got anything you want to do?"

'Protest taxes!'

'We are not getting British America wrapped up in our tax disputes.'

I shook my head. Spending time with my brother was enough for me.

————————————

"I told you that Connecticut Colony and Colony of Rhode Island and Providence Plantations weren't going to be the last." British America said.

"Why do you call Rhode Island by its full name? You just make it harder for yourself." I asked my brother, confused at why he always did that. Rhode Island had an incredibly long name, and it really wasn't all that convenient.

'Rhode Island has a ridiculously long name. Probably longer than the name of any nation on the planet.'

British America shrugged.

"Force of habit I guess. England always wanted me to call the colonies by their full names, and even though he doesn't mind the full names anymore, mostly likely because of Colony of Rhode and I'm not finishing that, you know which one I'm talking about, I still do it because that's what I'm used to, even though it's really annoying that that's what I'm used to." British America said, trying to defend himself.

'England is a very odd man.'

"I'm so glad England doesn't make me do that.'' I said with a laugh. British America ruffled my hair. I immediately tried to push his hand off so he would stop messing up my hair, but he was stronger, and I was unsuccessful.

"Me too little brother. Now have you met the man who will be Lieutenant Governor? What was his name..." British America asked.

'Francis.'

"Nicholson. And no I haven't. Governor Andros is planning on going to New York to establish his commissions, so I'll meet him then." I said, waving to Isle of Man as she passed by us.

"That's nice. I'm worried though. Governor Andros has already had trouble because your people don't want direct rule. With you containing so much land, and yet having one, very unpopular government, I'm afraid that these three new editions will make any possibility of you surviving much longer a lot harder." British America said. I held his hand and squeezed it.

'After Andros, it became obvious the dominion wouldn't last much longer.'

"I've thought of that myself. I'd like to think it will be fine, but I know it won't." I said. British America sighed.

"I wish we were human. Then I would be able to spend more time with you." He said. I gripped his hand tighter.

"I wish we were too."

——————————————

"If only you were physically older. Then you could help the soldiers fight the Indians instead of trying to prevent me from doing my job because you think people don't like me." Governor Andros said. I clenched my fists.

'I wonder why we don't like you. Maybe it's because you take away our rights and claim we don't have any!'

"They don't." I muttered. Thankfully, Governor Andros didn't hear that, as he always seemed upset when someone who looked like a child challenged him.

"I will be sending troops up to the Northernmost part of Massachusetts Bay to deal with this threat. You will remain here, and please don't try to support the troublemakers who refuse to accept the new laws." Governor Andros said.

'Would you look at that! Another thing you're saying that we won't listen to.'

"I know. Why am I not coming? Normally you take me wherever you go, as you are the governor and I am the colony." I asked.

"England and Union have requested that you stay away from all fighting. Even if you will not fight, you aren't allowed near it." Governor Andros said.

'Those two are incredibly overprotective.'

"My people up there are already mad enough at you. Are you sure that you want to go up there personally?" I asked. Governor Andros nodded.

"They have already refused to listen to me once. If we are ever going to deal with the Indian threat there, I must make sure they do what I ask." He said.

'Actually help us and then we'll do what you ask.'

"Alright. Good luck." I said, watching as Governor Andros left the building. I guess this was as good of a time as ever to spend time with my brother.

After all, who knows how much time I have left?

———————————

Increase Mathers has left for England.

Governor Andros had told me that earlier today. I knew what it meant. My people were now asking the King if I could be dissolved. I knew that that meant.

I didn't have much time left.

#weird’s wattpad stories #dominion of new england by weird #countryhumans america #countryhumans england #countryhumans 13 colonies #countryhumans #statehumans #countryhumans britain #countryhumans new england

[omegas-spaghettios]

Ranking MCU Captain America figures

Before I begin, I want to clarify this is about my enjoyment of these characters and NOT who i think are the best morality or power wise. I specify because I think my first two entries will upset some people and I want to say, this list is NOT in order of how much I agree with these characters' values. I have a heavy favoritism towards theme and character interaction and that is where a lot of my enjoyment from media comes from. So, let's begin.

6. Captain America: CW, IW, and Endgame

I'm separating Steve into two because around CW he starts making decisions that really frustrate me.

Now I do think there is a lot to like still! His conviction to his morals during the Accords and continuing arc about government distrust is great, his stand against Thanos in IW is amazing, he is a lot of fun to watch during the New York part of the time heist, and lifting Mjolnir was legit my best theater moment ever and i will NEVER forget it.

However, in CW he starts making some awful decisions. In CW, he kisses Sharon like, days after Peggy's funeral. While on it's own it's already kinda creepy, Endgame retroactively makes this even worse. It goes on to also have grave consequence because he and Sam asked Sharon to break the law for them and never followed through to help her, which was pretty awful of them. At least Sam tries to make it right in TFATWS, but since Steve left that wrong on Sharon never gets reconciled from him.

I also think that his decision to keep Bucky and Howard's history a secret from Tony was really, really stupid. While I side with him during the fight, the fact that Steve "doesn't like when his teammates withhold information" Rogers didn't tell Tony this then walked into a Winter Soldier facility with Bucky and Tony during the most strained time of their relationship was just begging for that conflict.

He is barely in IW and while his stand against Thanos is a great moment, his decision to not let Vision kill himself is very frustrating. "We don't trade lives" then he goes to Wakanda to let thousands of soldiers die while they try and get the stone out, really dude?

I don't think going back in time in Endgame was inherently a bad ending but things he does to make it happen really frustrates me. He shows no signs of mourning Bucky or Sam at all. And then for the sake of surprise for the audience, he never tells Sam what he's doing and that is so awful. Sam dedicates 4 years of his life helping Steve with a good portion of it being on the run. Sam was with Steve more during the present than ANYONE else. Then Steve just leaves without telling him and shows back up to drop a ton of responsibility on Sam that he didn't ask for. Now Sam is an amazing Cap but it's frustrating to see that a lot of TFATWS is fallout of Steve's bad decisions in these three movies.

5. Captain America: John Walker

Now hold on, I hate this man. I think he does some awful things, so why is he above anyone else? Just because he isn't frustrating to me, he fits thematically and has good interactions with others in TFATWS.

His character really adds to the themes and discussions of white privilege, Supremacy, as well as how the US military treats their soldiers like shit, and I think he is an interesting character to watch as he starts out edging the line of evil and by the end of episode 4 crosses it. While I think Bucky was overall a bit too chummy with him in 6, I think it was all mostly in character for them. Sam and Bucky were up against 6 super soldiers and Batroc in a highly crowded city with lots of important people, it makes sense to me that they take his help in this scenario. They also never leave him alone which indicates distrust.

I also really like the moment where he drops the shield to help the truck. He is a shitty person but he is shown as a person who at least wants to do good, even though any challenge to that he goes off the rails. It is such a black and white scenario, help the truck of innocents, and I like that he does it. It also adds to the hatred of him as a person because it shows he clearly knows better but chooses to ignore it, which makes him even more despicable.

I think it is very important that a man like him bore the title of Captain America because it reminds us all that yes, it is very easy that a man like him represents America as it is and that we need to do better than him.

I like watching him and that's why he's above CW on Steve because he isn't making aggravatingly out of character decisions all of the time and he works very well within the themes of the show.

With me loving him in the context of TFATWS, in later appearances he does have a lot of potential to drop to last pretty easily, but as of now when he just is in that show, I appreciate his character a lot.

4. Red Guardian

I kinda like this character and idk how to feel about it

He doesn't fit Black Widow very much so he is kinda low but I mean, he's just kinda fun. His story about Captain America and the USSR is pretty non-related to the others and rather undeveloped which is frustrating, and he does very little plot significant things. He leads Nat and Yelena to Melina and that's about it. He distracts Taskmaster for a while but he kinda is just getting tossed around until Melina shows up. He isn't very important.

But I do like what I see and do hope we see more of him. They never pretend he's a great person and I do appreciate that he gets called on it constantly. His knuckles having Karl Marx on them kills me and overall he's pretty humorous and fun to watch. He also has a few great moments thematically that I love. When he comforts Yelena after the dinner scene and sings her favorite song as a kid? So heartwarming. When he took Taskmaster's shield when fleeing the Red Room I laughed at his ridiculousness but it lead to a pretty great moment, when he throws the shield through the windshield without hesitation to save Melina. It's a great moment to show how he's letting go of his past and obsessions to be there for his family.

I hope we see more of him, his overall lack of importance and stereotypical behavior kinda holds him back but I see so much potential in him.

3. Agent Carter

As of today she has been in exactly one 30 minute episode, but what I see I really like. Her laughter of surprise when she takes the tesseract is really endearing, her sword and muscles and height make my wlw heart patter, and I do like the difference in her relationship with Steve in this universe, where they both are of incredible capabilities but neither are given any respect for how they were born. We get that in TFA too but I really like that it is a constant theme in this iteration while in TFA it gets dropped a bit after Steve receives the serum.

There is very little of her so I can't really put her higher yet, but given more time she very well may rise up on this list but she had an excellent first showing.

2. Pre-CW Captain America: Steve Rogers

This man is a joy.

He is such an endearing scrappy little guy in the beginning of TFA and I love his commitment to doing the right thing. He still very much acts like a guy who just gained 120 pounds of muscle during that movie and it's endearing. The way he grows into his own skin in TWS is amazing as we see him really step in to what he can accomplish physically as well as his authority and leadership.

His Whedonisms in the first two Avengers films kinda bug me, they treat him like an old man when he isn't. Biologically he's like, early 30's at most here. He grew up as a fighter in Brooklyn then served in the military, he wouldn't care if his teammates swear, but overall it's tolerable.

I LOVE this man's commitment to transparency. He struggles when allies are not transparent and he shows nothing but transparency and I love that that is a constant for him (which is why I separate him from CW on)

Everyone loves this guy and over 90% of criticisms I see for him come after AoU, and that's for good reason, this guy is so loveable.

1. Captain America: Sam Wilson

He's so good, guys

I want to talk about Sam before the suit because he is amazing before it. He runs counseling for veterans, a profession very becoming of a superhero and it speaks to his incredible empathy and compassion that is on full display. I also think the fact that he dedicated 2 years to finding Bucky is not appreciated enough. Sure he was following Steve but he still spent 2 years trying to find Bucky, a person who tried to murder him. Yet he understands it isn't Bucky's fault and tries to help him anyway. I also really like that he is the first to speak out against the Accords. He doesn't wait for Steve or anyone else, he sees red flags and he is out and I really, really love that about him.

Then I love how long it takes for him to choose to become Cap and how much he contemplates it. He has to contemplate the legacy of Steve, if he wants to wear the symbol of this country, the pressures of being a black man as Cap, the legacy that John added to it, the pressures from Bucky and the pressures from Isaiah, and also his own legacy he carved for himself as the Falcon. It's a huge decision with a lot of weight and so many people pressuring him but he takes his time and chooses what is right for him, and I really love that about him. These other characters are all Caps from near the start but he transitions into one after years of knowing him as the Falcon and I love that he doesn't take this decision lightly.

Also as Cap he's just really cool. His decisions to not take the serum as well as try like hell to get Karli to step down speak to his humility and compassion. And while many describe his speech as bland it's still uniquely him. Yes the speech doesn't solve any problems but that isn't what he's doing, he's asking America and the world to get to actually solving them and that is an aspect of him we don't see much since Steve's propaganda days, his direct relation to the public.

Also his suit and wings are just awesome, I argue his action is the most fun to watch out of any of these characters.

Anyway yeah that's the list, I know people won't agree with me so let's try and keep discussion civil, alright?

#mcu #captain america the first avenger #the avengers #captain america the winter soldier #tfa #tws #avengers age of ultron #aou #captain america civil war #cw #avengers infinity war #iw #avengers endgame #the falcon and the winter soldier #captain america and the winter soldier #tfatws #caatws #what if...? #captain america #red guardian #falcon #captain carter #steve rogers #alexei shostakov #john walker #us agent #sam wilson #peggy carter

[maddie-grove]

Little Book Review: Sin Eater

Author: Megan Campisi.

Publication Date: 2020.

Genre: Alternate historical fiction (?).

Premise: Strap in, y'all, because this is complicated. May Owens, an orphaned teen laundress in Fake Elizabethan London, is arrested for stealing a loaf of bread. Expecting to be hanged, she's instead sentenced to be a Sin Eater for life. This means hearing confessions from the dying and then eating foods that symbolize their sins off their coffins. There are various other unpleasant requirements--speaking to no one except when hearing confessions, being forced to wear a non-removable collar, getting one's tongue tattooed, social ostracism, eternal damnation if one doesn't do everything right--but it does come with free room and board. Then the Sin Eater who's supposed to be mentoring May gets tortured to death. Why? A deer heart (symbolizing the murder of royalty) appeared on the coffin of a deceased lady-in-waiting, and the mentor wouldn't eat it because the lady-in-waiting had confessed to no such thing. Can May figure out what the hell is going on, adjust to her weird new life, and address a bunch of lingering childhood trauma?

Thoughts: Sin-eating, as depicted in this novel, never existed in Britain. Campisi was inspired to write this novel by a real-world tradition that started in and near Wales as early as the seventeenth century, but died out completely by the 1920s. Accounts vary as to how socially stigmatizing it was to be a sin eater; at best, they were poor, disreputable people doing a low-status job, and, at worst, they were feared and despised as people who had traded away their immortal souls and possibly consorted with demons. However, it was definitely not an island-wide, state-sanctioned role that people were officially sentenced to; it didn't require body modification, nor was it solely assigned to women.

In short, Campisi has created a fictional tradition that technically could have existed in Elizabethan London (as it doesn't involve magic or technology that didn't exist at the time), but demonstrably did not. This puts her in an interesting position that most historical fiction and fantasy writers don't find themselves in, because she has the following options:

Write a straightforward historical novel that just happens to have this one weird, fictional thing going on, with no further explanation. This would probably be the easiest option, but she either has to put an awkward author's note at the beginning or run the risk of readers thinking she knows jack shit about Elizabethan London.

Write an alternate history novel in which she explains how her version of sin-eating came to be in Elizabethan London. (Off the top of my head: Welsh people brought the tradition to London and other parts of England after migrating, but it only caught on in a big way as a response to the Black Death, during which time it developed distinctly English characteristics. The pious Henry VI was the first monarch to officially recognize it; however, the crueler official requirements didn't come about until the reign of Henry VIII, for reasons similar to the passing of the Tudor Poor Laws. Edward VI tried to ban it, but Mary I brought it back with a vengeance. Now it's allowed, but only because Elizabeth I branded it as an Anglican thing.) I think this makes for an interesting setting, but it is a lot of work for a story that's really just about one regular girl and some Tudor drama.

Write a story that takes place in a world that's similar in some ways to Elizabethan England (geography, level of technology, etc.), yet is substantially different. Maybe there's a young reigning queen, but she's not the often-disfavored daughter of a king with six wives; instead, maybe she had seven brothers who all died untimely deaths. Maybe the country's been torn apart by decades of religious conflict, but sin-eating is at the heart of the conflict instead of Fake Catholicism vs. Fake Protestantism. This might actually be the most organic way to handle things, but it does put the book in a weird place, genre-wise; people who want to read straight-up historical fiction won't be into it, and people who want to read fantasy might be put off by the lack of magic.

Any of these are better options than what Campisi chose, which is an unholy union between #1 and #3. Sin Eater is set in a world that's almost identical to Elizabethan London, except that (a) Campisi's version of sin-eating exists and (b) everybody has slightly different names. Instead of Queen Elizabeth, we have Queen Bethany, the daughter of King Harold II and his second wife Alys Bollings. She had an older sister named Maris, daughter of Harold II's first wife Constanza of Castile, who was a Eucharist. Harold II's third wife was named Jennette Cheney, whom you might think had a son named Edwin or whatever, but no, she had no children. What. You might also think that Jennette had a brother named Titus Cheney, who married Harold II's sixth wife and widow Katryna Park or whatever, but also no. He was named Titus Seymaur (no relation?) and he was married to Katryna...Parr. Confused yet? Because God is always called the Maker, and clergy are always Maker-men who preach sermons in Maker-halls, but Judas is still Judas and Eve is still Eve. Also, Roma people are called "eg*psies" (honestly, if you're going to make up a stupid word, at least use the opportunity to make it not a slur); it's something of a relief that the Jewish characters are just Jews. Oh, and the whole thing takes place in Angland.

This is some of the most irritating, distracting world-building I've ever encountered. It doesn't help that the only reason for the fake Tudor drama is a rather tired, mean-spirited mystery involving Queen Elizabeth/Bethany's secret baby and Katryna/Katherine Parr's long-lost daughter. And it's a shame, because when the story focuses on May--a lonely, angry, scared girl struggling to do the right thing and make a place for herself in the world--it's emotionally compelling. Her mixed feelings towards the fellow outcasts who start squatting in her home are particularly well-done, as are her encounters with religious outsiders. The mechanics of sin-eating are also fascinating; I liked seeing May visit dying people of various ages and stations in life. I think a person without my exact pet peeves would enjoy this novel a lot more, but it still wouldn't be great.

Hot Goodreads Take: There are many criticisms of this novel that I agree with, such as bad world-building, a weak mystery, a sophomoric understanding of religion, and gratuitous unpleasantness. (I love the dark, I love slippery things, but there was no reason for the tongue tattoo except to drive home that this whole thing sucks for May. I did not need to be further convinced!) There are also criticisms that I get, even if I don't feel the same way; for instance, I like the weird, bitter heroine, but I understand that she's not for everyone. On the other hand, one reviewer states, "I also didn’t care or need to know about the author’s childcare arrangements that she acknowledges at the end of her book." Like...cool, reviewer, but I don't think you understand the point of acknowledgments. They're to thank people. Are you going to complain that you "don't care that the book was manufactured in America, as the copyright page says"?

#little book review #sin eater #megan campisi #antiziganism #mutilation

[scrimmification]

taking a self care day and was instantly hit with temptation so u know what. here’s that dhurkemara essay. but it’ll be under a cut because i’m polite like that

the following is some canon facts sprinkled in with mostly my own headcanons and opinions. but i’m right about everything. cw for mentions of trauma and aa6 spoilers.

i should actually start this by saying that i see a lot of polycule dhurke/amara/jove or dhurke/amara/datz and while it is cute i feel a bit weird about using a poly relationship as just a “oh he has two hands” solution to love triangles. not that poly relationships aren’t valid, but it’s usually just people putting characters together without thinking about how the dynamic would even function. as if a polycule is a band-aid solution.

but that’s not important because this essay is about why dhurke and amara should just be friends (post SOJ)

i do not respect capcom or its canon, but here’s a bunch of canonical soj facts that are kinda fucked up;      - when nahyuta is born, amara is 19 and dhurke is 20      - when the palace fire breaks out, amara is 21 and dhurke is 22      - there’s a gap of approximately 8 years of time where dhurke thinks amara is dead before they reunite and have rayfa (they’re each around the age of 30 at the time)      - there’s a period of time anywhere from 9 months - 1 year that they’re living together again before rayfa and amara are both kidnapped      - following this, dhurke never sees his wife ever again

because i have extreme brainrot, i sat down and feasibly considered the amount of time they would’ve been together. like, genuinely face to face together. if you only take into account the numbers the game gives you, then that means out of 25 years of marriage, they only see each other for about 3 of them. i tend to tack on an extra year or so for dating, but that’s still a really short amount of time, with almost all of it being before the palace fire ever happened. not to mention, they married incredibly young, and amara is royalty. typically royal families will push for children to be wed as soon as they come of age. 

there’s also the fact that canonically, dhurke was not wealthy to any degree. he mentions in a throw away line having a bunch of weird odd jobs including both farmer and street performer (side note, street performer dhurke is hilarious). considering amara was basically hailed as a goddess by virtue of existing, i kind of doubt they were childhood friends or anything before that. my own hcs for how they met and got married initially tend to fall into a romeo and juliet style of mushy romance. plucky lawyer steals the heart of the queen with his humble charm and promises to whisk her away kind of thing. idk i do actually think they were very in love when they were younger, and maybe like... TOO in love, but my essay and thoughts tend to skew towards characterization through how the two of them grow through their traumas. so let’s just go in order of events here;

the palace fire

i do not care what capcom tries to tell me, dhurke has burns. if amara has a giant chest mark from being in the fire for a very short amount of time, dhurke would have full body burns from literally breaking into and out of a burning building. do you know how hot fire is? it’s fucking hot. it’s also genuinely terrifying. my point is i hc dhurke has some form of pyrophobia.

the years after the palace fire and before rayfa is born aren’t given much canon information, but it is stated that amara is convinced dhurke was out to kill her and willingly lives in the palace outside of the public eye. she’s convinced that dhurke is evil and was trying to kill her for at least twice as long as they were married. that kind of skews your perception of a person, no matter how much you might have once loved them. even if you STILL love them, it’s different. feelings change with time, and i think that’s a really fun thing to explore in fiction. 

the rescue/rayfa’s birth

so here’s where i add the drama. just sprinkle it in. there’s a very sneaky line in the game that they kind of slip in during dhurke’s recounting of events around the time rayfa was born, and i have not stopped thinking about it for 2 years.

so plot wise, when apollo presses dhurke about lying about amara being dead, he talks about how he (somehow) got a tip that amara was alive and still being held in the palace. he broke in to save her and potentially run away with her, datz, and and nahyuta into safety, but they add something else in there. dhurke has a moment where he says she didn’t initially believe his innocence. and it’s kind of just played as a joke.

but because i like conflict and i do not write dhurke the same hyper-toxic-masculine way they do in canon because i think Men Should Be Allowed To Have Feelings i thought. man that must fucking suck. everyone in the entire kingdom thinks he’s the devil, and the one person he’s been doing it all for the sake of - his wife - initially doubts his innocence. of course this is obviously an understandable response. she was basically trapped and gaslit for nearly a full decade over an event that nearly cost her her own life (and would have to instead come to terms with the fact her own sister wanted her dead) but like it still. it would still suck to hear that from your spouse?

they were together for under a year, and in this time rayfa was born. this is probably my favorite window of time to explore a dhurke and amara relationship adapting because they would be such different people now. time already effects how you personally grow and adapt, but the kind of horrors they went to would drastically change them both. neither of them would be the same kids they fell in love with, and dhurke had just shipped one of his kids to america in an attempt to protect him. he’d already be down bad, but to have to deal with that, his wife not fully trusting him, nahyuta not knowing their own mother and most likely not trusting her initially, and also an entire pregnancy... that’d be an incredible amount of stress, on top of the fact they’re both living under the law. 

(sidebar; because of how weird they had to twist the timeline to make it so apollo was gone before rayfa was born so they never met, i tend to headcanon this as dhurke trying to send both his kids to america to protect them, but not being able to initially send nahyuta because of their royalty status, and it quickly becoming too late.)

something else that confused me was why the hell they’d even have another kid while they’re both trying to save themselves, and that... uh. okay maybe this is an unpopular thing to say in terms of headcanon, but i actually believe rayfa was an accidental birth. like logistically, if you see your wife for the first time in almost a decade, you’re going to do Something. and you don’t have protection in the mountains. i’m just. i’m just saying.

but all of that being said, more than anything, i think they’d still be in love during this point. or more accurately, i think they’d be trying to convince themselves they’re still in love. they wouldn’t be the same people anymore, but the only thing dhurke has left is his family. it’s the thing he’s fighting for, and amara would have just been told she can’t go back to her sister for her own safety. there’s this kind of pressure to stay together for both themselves and their kids. there’s also a part where dhurke implies that the two of them were planning on trying to escape khura’in together and cross country lines before shit hits the fan.

turnabout revolution

so if you’re a coward who actually considers canon, after rayfa and amara get kidnapped, dhurke never sees them again. sure, he gets spirit channeled by amara in the final trial, but he never sees her face to face, or gets a chance to speak with her. if you’re like me and simply refuse to believe your favorite characters die, then that means there’s a 14 year gap between the next time dhurke and amara speak to each other.

what’s the first thing amara does when they see each other again? accuse him of murder.

in fairness, she’s under threat of blackmail to do so. she’s trying to protect both her children at this point, and clearly had a role to play in inga’s murder herself that she doesn’t want to admit to. but at the same time, when apollo reveals that dhurke was actively hiding evidence because he still loved her, she seemed genuinely surprised. this revelation is the thing that gets her to actually go against ga’ran’s plot. there’s also the obvious point of her picking her children’s safety over dhurke’s entire revolution, and what he’s been working on for her sake for most of his life. and honestly I thinks she made the right and most understandable choice. the real part that makes me think they wouldn’t get back together after the events of soj (provided dhurke isn’t an epic ghost guy) is,

amara chooses her own safety over dhurke’s, while dhurke chooses her safety over his own.

dhurke’s a very hopeful character, a very jovial one. throughout all his screen time, there’s no point where he genuinely thinks nahyuta has betrayed him. there’s no point where he thinks apollo isn’t capable of handling the case without him. he clearly cares a lot about his family, and would do anything for them. this includes amara. he’s not asked to hide evidence for her sake, he just does it. at the risk of undermining his entire revolution and destroying it entirely, he tries to hide evidence that’d implicate his wife of murder.

amara’s more of a realist. she doesn’t give up information until she absolutely has to. she doesn’t even admit to loving dhurke until the last moment she’s on screen. the only lines in the game she has as herself are during the trial, and half the time she’s just telling everyone how horrible and awful and terrible her husband was. and again, i must say, this would probably suck to hear.

the aftermath

the country is kind of a little fucked after soj. sure, it ends on a positive note, kind of, but there’s both a lot of political stuff to fix. and a lot of family stuff to fix. dhurke basically has to rebuild his relationship with every single one of his family members (and in rayfa’s case, from scratch). while I do think marriage is important and stuff, I don’t think it’d be... the most important.

what i’m saying is i think they’d be friends. even if they stayed married, they’d have to relearn almost everything about each other. they haven’t seen each other in forever, and also amara just threw dhurke under the bus. that’d sting! i think he’d forgive her for that, but it’d sting. knowing your partner would have willingly let you and your entire cause go up in flames sucks. it all sucks. soj is a very downer aa game.

and also i value m/f friendship a lot. i value older adult relationships a lot. i value exploring unfortunate and uncomfortable themes in learning to grow as a person and dealing with your own trauma a lot. i think there’s a lot to explore in characters like dhurke and amara. alot of people prefer thinking about the relationships between nahyuta and apollo and rayfa as siblings, which is great! but... i don’t know. i really like fictional dads. i like thinking about him getting more time with his kids. i like thinking about amara learning to become a person instead of a revered goddess. i like them becoming real people instead of just figureheads in a political war.

also i think dhurke and datz should kiss because they raised kids together in the mountains for 20 years

#thanks for coming to. something #i think about dead side character so you don't have to #dhurke sahdmadhi #amara sigatar khura'in #soj spoilers

[anastasiabeaverhousen87]

Make Wise Choices:  Part 7 Cuore  Mio

The next couple of days were rough on you, filled with cold meds, soups, lots of chamomile tea  and water and you felt like your teeth were about to swim out of your mouth, but according to Alex you needed to be hydrated and tea was good for colds.

A few days after Alex had to go back to the DEO, she was needed but Kara was able to stay with you as Supergirl wasn’t required to be there, not at the moment anyways. So that’s how you found yourself at Thursday afternoon Infront of the TV with Kara next to you in the couch watching some musical. Well, Kara was watching the musical, you were engrossed on your cellphone texting away with a very goofy smile on your face.

Kara: “Is that the hot doctor your texting…again?” –

Y/N: “well, if you really must know. Yes, I’m texting Cassie”

Kara: “Cassie huh? So now you’re on nickname bases I see”

y/n: “I heard Lena called her that and I liked it, also I think Cassandra is a beautiful name, but a mouthful. And calling her hot doctor sounded a bit rude, at least for the time being”- you give a naughty smile.

Kara laughs at that and mutes the tv “You really like her, don’t you?”

y/n: “I do, I mean I feel things when I speak with her and when I’m near her. And Oh my God she is sooo beautiful. You’re not mad, aren’t you?”

Kara: “Sweet girl I could never be mad about you liking someone. Besides she really is hot. But honestly it would be kind of hypocrite from me to not approve you liking her. She is also someone very dear to Lena so that makes her even more special. So no, I’m not mad, I’m actually happy for you, you never really showed any interested in anyone like you seem to be with her. Just be careful and don’t feel pressured into something you don’t really want”

y/n: “I know, I mean I’ve dated but there was no spark, nothing there. I did fool around a little but never really liked someone to go all the way. If you know what I mean?” – you blush pink at this.

Kara: “I figured as much. You’re a lot like Alex in that aspect, you concentrate too much in your grades and other things, work. But you never really sounded super doped on anyone you dated, when mom and Alex gave you the sex talk you were almost sick thinking about it, that was funny to watch” – You throw a pillow at your sister face “Hey!!!, don’t attack me little bean. And then when you asked about sex with women you sounded more interested but still, I can tell you weren’t ready. The question is, do you feel like you are ready now?”

y/n: “I feel like I am. Truly I’ve only known her for a little while, and I know is soon. But I really like getting to know her and to spend time with her. She is amazing and so caring. I can feel getting serious with her you know. Like I can trust her, and I can share that level of intimacy. It’s weird because is so soon, but I just know it feel right. Do you think is too soon?”

Kara: “If you feel like you can open up to her, if she makes you feel safe enough, why not? you are very good at judging people’s character and I trust your judgement. I’m not gonna lie though, Cassandra being Lena’s friend and all I’ve heard from her she does sounds like a great person and I know Lena also doesn’t trust easily. So yes, that a great bonus and makes me feel more comfortable of you dating her. But I do trust you baby, you’ll know when you feel ready and what to share with her. Also, I know you won’t be able to hide who I am from her that much longer if things do get serious. When you feel ready to tell her I will support you, okay? Oh and if she ever treats you wrong I will throw her into the sun”. - she winks at you.

y/n: “Thank you Kara, that means a lot to me” – you hug your sister and you kiss her cheek while your cellphone sounds with an incoming text, you look down at your phone- “She wants to come over…” you give a small smile

Kara: “well, tell her yes. Go change into something more appropriate at least nicer pajamas. and if she does happen to make you diner again, I wouldn’t be opposed to her amazing pasta. Man, I’m so jealous of you, she cooks like a pro and if I wasn’t dating Lena or you being my sister I would totally charm my way to her, her cooking skills are so amazing. Now don’t get jealous little bean, I’m good with her being my sister in law, she still needs to get point and be on my good side. Just tell her food is the way to my heart” – you sister laughs while walking to the kitchen. “Go get change and tell your girlfriend to come over”

y/n: “You and your stomach. Crazy alien food crazed woman. And sister-in law, seriously? Let me date her first, jeez!” – you mumble while walking into your room.

You hear someone at the door, and you know is the blonde doctor, and you don’t even try to rush to the living room well aware that your bubbly sister will open the door and let her come in.

Kara: “Hello Cassandra, come on in please, y/n will be here in a moment. Y/N!!! you hot date is here!”

Dr. Sharpe: “You’ve been waiting a while to do that don’t you?” – the doctor greets the other blonde and kisses her cheeks hello.

Kara: “You have nooo idea for how long. She used to say things like that or worse when I first began to date Lena, even at the very beginning of our friendship. I’ve been waiting patiently for the time for payback! Ha…” Kara rubs her hands like a Disney villain but she honestly looks quite like the adorable golden retriever she really is.

y/n: ““Really Kara? You couldn’t wait a little longer?”- you shake your head amused and then walk to where the blonde doctor is standing, and she quickly kisses your cheeks and gives you a warm hug.

Dr. Sharpe: “Ciao Bella ragazza”-  

You blush at the words spoken by the blonde doctor

Y/n: “hello to you too gorgeous”

Kara: “Oh you guys are so cute, I can’t even…”- Your sister speaks and walks into the living room

  The three women spend the afternoon talking and the doctor even offered to make diner, much to your sister delight and happy squeal. Lena was on her way over and you got to know more of the blue- eyed doctor and you could see why Lena loves and admires Cassandra so much. She is an amazing kind and dedicated woman. You learnt that not only did the good doctor was a certificated periodontist, she had received a Master’s Degree in Oral Biology  and while in graduate school she also received the Balint Orban Award, which apparently is the highest level of certification in the field of periodontist. And that the reason Lena and the blonde woman couldn’t see each other so often was because Cassandra gives lectures all over the world on a wide range of topics including dental implants, gum grafting, cosmetic periodontal surgery, and bone regeneration. She is also the founder and program director of a dental study club whose purpose is to positively impact the quality of dental care by hosting the highest quality international speakers in the field of dentistry to speak to local dentists in different cities in the US. And in addition to that she also made multiple mission trips to countries in Latin America like Mexico, Guatemala, Venezuela among others where she has been able to utilize her skills to help the neediest of people.

To say you were amazed by the woman was an understatement, she was funny, beautiful and crazy smart. But behind all those accomplishments you could see a sadness withing her. And you felt the need to change that, to make her smile and a pull to her that you couldn’t quite understand. But you were pulled out from your thoughts when Lena spoke.

 Lena: “Sorry to cut my time short but I just got a text and I’m needed for a consult” – Lena discreetly elbowing Kara to see the text on her phone. Both her and Supergirl were needed at the DEO, so they needed to leave.

Kara: “Oh shoot, ok well let me drive you then”

And of course you couldn’t be cool about it and spoke before you could understand why they needed to leave “Kara you don’t even own a car and Lena has her own driver”- you look at your sister like she just said the stupidest thing ever. Until you recognize their looks and realized they both were needed for something important, DEO important. You curse yourself.

y/n: “Buuuut I mean I totally get it, you should go with her, you haven’t been able to spend time just the two of you because you’re been busy taking care of me. Soooo why don’t you guys leave. I´ll be okay on my own. “

Kara: “Yeah I don’t think so little one, you always forget to take your meds and…”

Lena: “If you don’t mind Cassie, can you stay for a little while with y/n ?” – Lena interrupts her girlfriend ramblings.

y/n: “Hey Lena, I thought you were on my side. I can totally take care of myself” – you pout at her

Dr. Sharpe: “I can stay, I don’t mind at all. I like spending time with you y/n”

y/n: “Yeah me too, I just find itoffensive my sister and Lena don’t think I could spend a few hours on my own. But sure stay we can watch a movie or something”

Kara: “Ha, yeah. Like last night you were so tired you fell asleep on the bathtub and knocked the shampoo inside the water and you made a huge mess with shampoo foam or you know when trying to make a chocolate shake with the blender and forgot to remove the metal spoon and you almost cut you hand when the blender broke to pieces, yeah totally you can handle yourself. Klutz!”

You gasp and look offended: “How dare you!!! Says the woman that burnt the brownies and set the microwave and toaster on fire !!! - you just childishly stuck your tongue out and pouted: “Well you make it sound like I’m the worse, thank you Kara”

Lena and the blonde doctor laugh at the antics and pouting face you make at your sister.

Lena: “I knew it was you the responsible for the toaster, Kara. That one was new”

Kara: “No, you are not the worse, but when you feel tire or sick you tend to make messes and I don’t want you alone, you haven’t completely got rid of your cold and you still under some strong meds. We just worry, you know we love you so much. And honey it was an accident I did got a new one though”

y/n: “Fine leave us now, bring back home some chocolate if you can pleaseeeee?”

Kara: “Totally my little klutz” -your sister engulfs you in a big hug and gives you a kiss to your head.  “let’s go Lena and…” – looking back at you and the blonde doctor “behave yourselves and don’t do anything I wouldn’t” – You hug ger back just as strong and let go of her.

Lena: “Come on sweetheart and leave them be”- Just rolls her eyes and walks away with the blonde superhero next to her. The door closes.

You just exhale and keep looking at the door and then your turn around to face the blonde doctor.  You are both now sitting at the couch and the blue-eyed woman is looking at you with a sweet and soft smile.

You scrunch up your nose adorably: “What?”

Dr. Sharpe: “Nothing, I just like the way you are with your sisters. You care very much and they as well. That’s nice, it reminds me of the way I used to be with my nonna and my brother” – the blonde woman face goes from fond to a little sad.

y/n: “are they in Italy?”

Her face is just so sad, and you can see a hint of tears in her eyes, and it makes your heart aches.

Dr. Sharpe: “No, they died” -you try to apologize but the blonde doctor sees that and stops you “Don’t, you didn’t know, you couldn’t. and it was a very long time ago. My nonna basically rise me and my brother. She died when I was 25 and my brother, he was my best friend. He …he uhm he was a Navy SEAL, he died in a terrorism-related mission three years ago.” – the blonde doctor just stares down at her hands trying to gain control over her emotions.

You just wanted to make her stop hurting so you did the only thing you knew you were an expert at. Hugging and cuddling people. So, you just hug her firm and strong you cling to her and try to convey through physical connection instead of words, that you are sorry, and you want to make the pain go away or at least lessen the burnt. You stay like that hugging each other and basking in the feel of each other arms.

Dr. Sharpe: “Okay, well you truly are an amazing hugger sweetheart, thank you”- the blonde woman kisses your cheek and near your mouth but not quite there. So, you take things into your own hands and sit up, throw a leg over the blonde doctor waist so you can straddle her. You put your arms around her neck and stare directly into those beautiful eyes, you really love those eyes. They are mesmerizing.

y/n: “God I really love your eyes, is like seeing the color of the sky when there’s a summer storm”.

the blonde doctor was completely still, mouth barely open and a little smirk on the corner of her mouth as she looks up to you amused loving eyes.

You took the opportunity to movie in and crush your lips against the blonde woman, who was more than happy to reciprocate. You initiated the kiss trying to control the kiss, hungrily kissing her lips, however the honey blonde had other plans, she bit down ever so slightly your bottom lip but soon you were surprised by strong arms shifting. The blonde grab ahold of your ass  and stood up with you in her arms and holding you tight against her waist  and twisted her body so you hold on just as tight and you felt yourself being lowered on the couch. The blonde had a hand behind you head, holding you were laid down flat on your back and she was hovering above you and broke the kiss but kept looking directly into your eyes.

You were just as turn on as the blonde doctor, she was looking down at you with such hunger in her eyes, and she was panting.

Dr. Sharpe: “Calm down little one” – the blonde woman lowered her face next to your ear and kissed the side of your neck – “if you keep pushing me, I won’t be able to stop”

y/n: “Well I don’t want you stop” – you tried to gain some sort of friction from the tight nestles between your legs.

Dr. Sharpe: “no?”- the blonde doctor keeps kissing your neck and jaw and you shiver in delight. You never felt this aroused by someone before. But the blonde just kissed you sweetly, you tried to hug her to bring her down on you, but the blonde kept it sweet and gentle, not really letting you get any traction in the kiss. Like an innocent sweet kiss.

You felt yourself being sat up by strong and gentle arms. She pulled you into her your legs intertwined, and she positioned you to lay on her your head being cradled in the crook of her neck and you felt another kiss this time to your temple. The blonde woman kept making soothing circles on your back with her free hand, rubbing your arm and face. You wrapped yourself even further into her.

You love cuddles and hugs, you did it all the time with your sisters and some friend, specially Lena. But this felt so different, probably the most intimate thing you ever done with anyone. You didn’t put up any fight, you felt so cozy and happy in her arms.

Dr. Sharpe: “shh cuore mio, I know you want this. But I want to take you on a proper date first I want to do this the right way, you deserve better and not rushing it in the heat of the moment” – she spoke so softly to you, that you just melted.

You kept basking in the tender touches and soft skin- “ I like it when you call me Italian pet names”

The blonde woman just smiled and kept the soothing touches.  You nuzzled you face into her neck finding that smell that was just hers, Cassandra’s and her warmth. You felt completely at peace and you felt yourself falling asleep in the most comfortable embrace. The blonde doctor kept looking at you and touching softly your back and arms, until herself felt the pull of sleep and the both were completely asleep in each other’s arms.

  Note: Well this happened, I hope you like it. 

Until next time...

#baby danvers #baby!danvers #alex x baby danvers #baby danvers x lena #baby danvers x kara #alex danvers #kara x reader #lena luthor #supergirl #supercorp #lena x reader #lena luthor imagine #kara danvers imagine #alex danvers imagine #original character #fanfic

[not-close-to-straight]

Lost and Found (Winterion)(Chapter One)

Welcome to the story! Timeline wise we are IM2-ish, so generic TW for mentions of Tony/canon typical panic attacks and PTSD. 

Buckle up! This one’s gonna be angsty! 

MASTERLIST HERE

*************

There are places in Washington D.C. away from the cherry blossom trees and gleaming monuments, away from the tourist crowds gathering for pictures and the politicians writing thievery into laws. There are places where law enforcement never bothers to look twice, where the streetlamps don’t really work but no one thinks to fix them, places where high bridges lead to brighter places but beneath the concrete supports, awful things grow in the shadows. 

It was a hot, empty evening in D.C. when an unmarked van with blacked out windows rattled to a stop in one of those places, idling under an unmarked bridge and nearly hidden in the growing gloom. No one was around to notice the vehicle-- in this part of town no one would care enough to notice-- so it was as good a place as any to conduct some business.

“This’ll work.” the driver decided. “Open up the back, let’s get him out.” 

“You sure this is what the boss wanted?” the second one cranked open the rear door of the rusty van and grabbed onto the heavy form slumped inside. “Just’ta dump the guy out here for anyone to find?”

“Not really our decision, is it?” the driver grunted as he tried to help manhandle their cargo out onto the ground. “B’sides. This is D.C. No one’s gonna look twice at some homeless ex soldier missin’ a damn arm. He’s better than invisible this way.” 

“Don’t see why we can’t kill him, though.” God, the guy must have weighed two hundred and fifty pounds and the second henchman wheezed under the effort of moving him. “They wiped him so hard he can barely breathe, would be easy to just off’im at this point.”

“Maybe the higher ups wanna be able to find and use him again they need to.” The driver propped the unconscious form up against a support strut. “Took them seventy years of programming to get this guy workin’ right, sure seems like a waste to throw him in a dumpster.” 

“Seventy years, huh? Holy shit. He barely looks thirty.” he nudged at the blindfolded captive a few times with his boot. “Dumping him in the ass end of D.C. is the same as puttin’ him the trash though, isn’t it?” 

The driver snorted an ugly laugh, then aimed a swift kick at their prisoners ribs. “Wake up asshole! Boss says we gotta make sure you’re awake before we leave. Wake up!” 

Another hard kick, and the soldier groaned weakly. “We should leave before he wakes up all th’way, Even missing that freaky arm he’s strong as hell, let’s get outta here and---whoa!” 

Both men scrambled away when the prisoner jerked forward with a noise that more of a snarl, lurched to unsteady feet and felt up around his face to yank the blindfold off. 

“Fuck me.” the passenger muttered as the soldier narrowed confused, furious eyes in their direction. “Look at him, he can’t even stand right.”

“Let’s get out of here.” The driver was already backing towards the van again, hands up and eyes trained on the former assassin. “I’m not takin’ any chances they didn’t get rid of all that killer programming. Come on, let’s go.”  

“Wait.” the soldier wheezed, one hand out pleadingly because he just didn’t understand, but both driver and passenger were all but running for the van now, throwing the worn gear shift into drive and peeling out from beneath the bridge, leaving him woozy and unbalanced, alone and lost. 

“Wait.” he said again, softly, hoarsely, his voice rough from-- from what? The soldier didn’t remember screaming or crying but his voice was rough all the same, and he ran unsteady fingers through his tangled, matted hair as he tried to think. 

There was an envelope in his back pocket, and the soldier tugged it free awkwardly, reached with his other hand to tear it open and--

-- “Oh. Oh god.” His arm, he didn’t have a left arm, where the hell was his arm?

Nausea, and he staggered back against the bridge support, clutched at his left shoulder to feel the protrusion of metal and steel where there was meant to be bone, the slight round of a hinge or--or maybe a gear shift where there were meant to be cartilage and joints. 

“Fuck. Fuck.” the soldier pitched to the side and was violently sick, heaving and gasping as he lost his stomach onto the dirty ground, pain radiating up his side and through his shoulder, through his head as a suddenly brutal migraine had his nose bleeding and vision blurring. 

“Help me.” he gasped to the no one that wasn’t watching. “Help me.” 

Crumpled up in the soldier’s good hand was the little bit of cash from the envelope and a single piece of paper. ‘Your name is James’.

“My name is James.” the soldier rested his feverish forehead against the cold concrete and bit back a terrified sob. “My name is James. Help me.” 

************

One Year Later

************

“Tony!” Pepper was using that specific tone of voice again, the one that meant she had tried and failed to get Tony’s attention at least three times, and God help her, if he didn’t respond right now she might actually scream. “Are you listening to me?” 

“I am listening to every word, Pep.” Tony turned from the limo window and forced a smile that was a little too bright, a little too wide. “You said if I didn’t stick to the script for tomorrow’s hearing they might actually come and forcefully take the suit and that’s the last possible thing Stark Industries needs right now.” 

“Right.” Pepper’s eyes narrowed suspiciously. “And then I said--” 

Tony tuned her out again, slouching against the upholstery and staring out at the scenery passing alongside the car. Washington DC was ugly and boring, the Senate committee hearings redundant and ridiculous, and he had too much on his mind to give a damn if his continued arrogance in front of the senators reflected poorly on the company. 

He just didn’t give a damn. 

Tony inhaled slowly and made a concentrated effort not to scratch at the patchwork lines bleeding out from beneath the arc reactor and setting his chest on fire. The blood toxicity monitor had registered nineteen percent this morning, and he clenched his hands into fists to stop from checking it a second time. 

There was too much to do right now to think about nineteen percent. Tony had to present at the Expo tonight even though the thought of putting on a show made him shaky and anxious. Pepper was disappointed in him again which made him shaky and anxious for a whole other reason. Tony was tired and he was in pain and nineteen percent shouldn’t sound so scary but it did and he was terrified.

“I think it’s important for Colonel Rhodes to be there tomorrow for the hearing. I know you said it isn’t necessary and that he’s busy enough without all this but a testimony from a high ranking official about the merits of your suit and how hard you’ve worked to keep us safe could really go a long way towards--” Pepper stopped again, irritation leeching into the words. “Tony, are you listening?” 

“Have you ever eaten at one of those diners? One of those beginning of a horror movie diners?” This time around Tony didn’t bother pretending he’d been listening and Pepper gave one of those sighs that signaled she was nearing the end of her patience. “You know, where the lights always flicker and the food is greasy and the one waitress should probably be a hundred years old but she’s sort of always fifty three? One of those.” 

“N-no, Tony. No I haven’t eaten at one of those diners.” Pepper put her tablet down and sighed again. “Are you okay? You’ve been weird for days and I thought it would pass once we got you out of the lab and into fresh air, but it hasn’t. What’s going on?” 

“I haven’t been...weird.” Tony hedged. “Just looking for things to distract from the horror of playing nice to men in suits who have no idea what it takes to be a hero and to wear armor and to--” 

“You wanted to ride the bus to D.C.” Pepper interrupted, counting off on her slim fingers. “From Manhattan, I might add. A horrifying prospect for at least three reasons without even mentioning it’s a minimum six hour drive.” 

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see America from the point of view of a tourist.” Tony argued, and Pepper countered, “We have a private jet, two helicopters, a fleet of cars, both a stretch limo and a stretch limo-Hummer for some awful reason, as well as a shockingly expensive suit of armor that could make this journey in all of twenty minutes. A bus-- and especially a public bus out of Manhattan should never have been an option.” 

“Okay, but it would have been worth the experience, right?”

“Day before yesterday, you walked out of the Senate meeting.”  Pepper ignored the experience comment. “You left mid testimony and snuck through the back door of a theater to watch a Up, then cried like a baby when the old man left the chairs out on the cliff.” 

“Just because you have a heart of stone doesn’t mean I do.” Tony huffed. “It’s a beautiful story and I dare you not to cry in a Pixar movie.” 

“I don’t care that you cried about a Pixar movie, Tony!” Pepper burst out. “I care that you are shirking every single one of your responsibilities lately and replacing them with actions that are reckless and random even for you! I got a phone call from the shelter on 8th this morning-- did you pay the adoption fees for every animal there just so people could come in and have free pets? And what about a few weeks ago when you--” 

“I’m going to stop and get some food.” Tony’s palms were suddenly clammy, mouth dry and chest aching and he rushed to cut Pepper off before the uncomfortable bloomed into a full blown panic attack. “Lunch. You want lunch? We should get lunch.” 

“Tony.” Pepper made a visible effort to calm herself down and speak gently. “I’m trying to tell you I’m worried about you. I think the stress of the new Expo and the Senate hearings is starting to get to you, and I know you’d never actually admit it, so I won’t ask you too.” 

“Pep, seriously I gotta go.” 

“It’s very important that we go over a strategy for the committee tomorrow.” she continued soothingly. “But if you are ready for lunch, I’ll order in lunch. I’ll even see if we can get some greasy diner food if you want. We can call Rhodey and get him on speakerphone and touch bases and then we can--” 

“I have to get some lunch right now.” The limo slowed to a stop for a red light and Tony opened the door and practically leaped for the sidewalk. “I’ll call you later okay, I just really need lunch right now. I need lunch. Is that so weird? Don’t look so worried, I’ll be back soon. I love you, okay? I do. I just have to go right now.” 

“Tony?!” Pepper called for him in confusion and a fair amount of worry, but Tony shut the door and took off at a quick job away from the car, away from Pepper’s disappointment, away from the doom that was nineteen percent and the oddly horrifying thought that he’d die without ever having eaten at some sketchy diner with less than edible food. 

Looking back, Tony would call this a nervous break down but right now he was going to call it lunch and as his expensive shoes scraped along dirty streets and turned corners led to grimy places and broken streetlights, the ever present crush in his chest began to ease, the panic began to lessen as he got further and further from expectations and closer to something sort of like anonymity.

Not that a man in a three thousand dollar suit and two hundred dollar haircut was anonymous in this part of town, but escaping felt good all the same. And he wasn’t going to look too deep into why being nobody felt like a relief because today was not the day for an internal therapy session, Tony could only handle one crisis at a time. 

First he was going to get lost, then he was going to get lunch, then he’d try and handle real life again. 

Diner, Open 24/7 the sign said, letters falling off and the colors half past faded and it was perfect. No name, non descript, out of the way, the too heavy scent of cheap hamburger and old fries hanging in the air,  and a far far cry from the posh brunch eatery Pepper had chosen this morning. 

It was perfect, so Tony slowed to a walk and pushed through the creaky doors to see what was beyond.  

Inside the diner was everything Tony had expected and somehow quite a bit more. The tables were covered with plastic table cloths, the silverware hopelessly mismatched and his shoes stuck on a sticky spot at the door because that’s just how these things had to be. The waitresses were all ambiguously middle aged, chewing gum and tapping pens on worn out menus, wiping their hands on faded floral aprons and shouting orders back to the line cooks in rapid fire repetition. 

The booths creaked and sagged, the Daily Specials placard was dated 2001, and when someone came to give Tony a cup of water, it was in a cracked Coca Cola glass that may have been bright red at one time and only had two ice cubes floating in lethargic circles along the rim.

It was perfect for some reason, in fact it almost reminded Tony of the days at MIT when the other college kids had been broke and scrounging for extra money, going in together on piles of cafeteria food served on marginally clean plates while studying until their eyes went crossed. Tony had never had to scrounge, but he’d enjoyed the novelty of it-- of being broke and relying on each other, relying on Rhodey as they drank pot after pot of cheap coffee and crammed for finals then overloaded on junk food and alcohol before sleeping for a solid week. 

The diner reminded him of those years and Tony wondered for a few seconds when he’d stopped doing that, when he’d stopped pretending to be one of those guys, doing those real life college kid things like he wasn’t set to basically take over the world courtesy of Stark Industries. 

Losing Mom and Dad. The though came unwelcome and intrusive. Losing Mom and Dad had been when Tony stopped pretending to be normal. Everyone had expected him to step up and immediately be the next Howard, and thank God Obie had been there to deflect some of the pressure, but then again fuck Obie and everything he did to Tony, everything he did that was why Tony’s chest ached with every breath and he still had nightmares, and oh god the nightmares made him think of nineteen percent and damn it here he went spiraling towards another panic attack….

“Ah-hem.” Tony had no idea how long the waitress had been standing at his table, but she was clearing her throat loudly and tapping at her notepad purposefully, and he swallowed back the urge to scream to try and force a smile.

“Uh hi.” Tony took in her teased up high hair and vividly colored eye shadow and his smile stretched a little more towards real. “Sorry about that. Spaced out for a second. I’ll take maybe-- maybe pancakes. And coffee.” 

“It’s two in the afternoon, sugar.” the waitress popped her gum and raised severely plucked eyebrows. “You want pancakes?” 

“Uhhh yes?” 

“Your funeral.” she said flatly and Tony didn’t know if she was teasing or not so he forced out a chuckle and leaned back into the uncomfortable booth to try and relax. 

His phone was buzzing in his pocket, over and over until it blended continuous and he knew it was Pepper calling probably first in panic, and then in anger. She didn’t understand why he’d gotten more reckless lately, why he was abrupt and then immediately sorry, why he couldn’t concentrate for more than a minute and why his always present anxiety had gotten harder to hide. 

Not her fault, of course. Tony hadn’t told her about the blood poisoning or that the reactor was killing him or that being forced to confront his own mortality for the hundredth time since that fateful day in Afghanistan was screwing with his head. 

Not her fault, because Tony hadn’t told her about the timeline of three months, and how he was painfully aware of every second passing and couldn’t stomach the thought of wasting time with things that didn’t matter. Senate meetings, judgment from the press, worry from his shareholders-- none of it mattered. 

If Tony could get his mind off of nineteen percent and onto something else then it would be okay. He could fake through the days until the pain and side effects got too bad to hide and by then he would have made his peace with it all, right? He just needed to get his mind off dying, off nineteen percent, off three months. He needed a new project and he needed a new focus and he needed--

Oh hello. Tony’s scattered thought process slammed to a halt when his mindless scanning of the restaurant patrons ended in the far corner of the diner, on a figure sat staring out the window at the gathering clouds, looking blank and empty and just as out of place as Tony felt. 

He wasn’t like the old man patiently doing crossword puzzles, or the woman who looked like she needed an entire pot of coffee before facing the rest of the day. He wasn’t as comfortable familiar as the obvious regulars, or as frazzled as the clearly single dad with a passel of little ones and maybe no one else noticed the guy, but Tony certainly did. 

Everything about the man screamed soldier, from the wary posture to the deceptively casual way blue eyes kept watching the room from beneath a curtain of dark hair. There was a mess of scars at the base of the man’s neck, a huge hand wrapped a coffee mug and truly massive shoulders but what Tony noticed most of all was a left sleeve that hung limp, pinned up to the guys shoulder and almost shocking with its emptiness. 

I can fix that. The thought popped unexpected into Tony’s mind, a line from some movie he’d sat through with Rhodey’s niece just the other night in attempt to be the Fun Uncle instead of the Drunk Uncle. I can fix that, the character said as he went through and all but rebuilt a schoolhouse and then kissed the tears right from some pretty girl’s cheek. 

It had been a story about feeling cursed and earning your own redemption, about getting lost and finding answers, about friends in unlikely places and how the past affects you whether you want to admit it or not, and Tony had both loved and hated the movie. He’d left Rhodey’s feeling like maybe he’d dug himself into a hole five feet wide by five feet deep, but if that was the case, would that make Pepper the warden wearing rattlesnake red nailpolish? 

Tony wanted to sort of hysterically laugh at the thought of Pepper wearing poisonous nail polish, but he pulled himself back from just cackling in the middle of the diner. This did seem like the sort of place to get away with that particular behavior, but he pulled himself back all the same. 

The worse the poisoning got, the more erratic Tony’s thoughts became, his impulse control all but non existent, his measure for societal norms wildly skewed towards inappropriate. Pepper thought he was just being obnoxious but the truth was Tony was trying to process so much in such a short amount of time, he wasn’t actually processing anything. 

Sensory overload, and it led to things like laughing about rattlesnake polish and fixating on a random diner patron. 

I can fix that. 

Tony was on his feet and moving before his brain even caught up, absentmindedly scratching at the arc reactor heavy in his chest as he made a beeline for that back booth with only the barest pieces of a plan forming.

He had a new piece of tech for the suit, something flashy and incredibly responsive and just last week Tony had come to the conclusion that he’d never get a new suit finished before-- before-- so the arm sat abandoned in a case down in the lab. 

But it wouldn’t take more than a few tweaks and some tests to turn the armor into a viable, working prosthesis and if he was gonna do that, maybe the piece should be for someone who was most likely a veteran. 

A wounded veteran that life had obviously chewed up, spit out and left for nothing. 

I can fix that, and it would be for a worth while cause and maybe chalking some points in the good karma column would help Tony sleep at night. 

“Hey, can I join you?” Up close the guys eyes weren’t just blue, they were glacier pale, shifting between blue and grey and boring into Tony like they were seeing through his soul and for a split second, Tony regretted just waltzing over and plopping down. 

But Tony Stark was the king of both creating and handling awkward moments so after a brief second to compose himself and to notice the soldier’s left shoulder sat lower, heavier, than the other, he started talking real fast so he could get it all out before the guy told him to go away. 

“So my name’s Tony, and I’d like to say I’m not usually this intrusive but ask anybody who knows me and they’ll say nosiness is actually one of my better qualities. Definitely less destructive than my curiosity even though it’s infinitely more off putting.” 

The soldier only blinked at him, and Tony rushed on, “So I work in the general area of robotics and mechanics that sort of thing. Prostheses and um-- protective gear? And I can’t help but notice you’ve only got the one wonderfully  bulging bicep and I’d like you to let me help with getting you another one.” 

Those pale eyes darted around the room, clocking exits and obviously sizing the other patrons up like he thought he might be in danger and Tony instinctively reached for the guys hand to comfort him before he realized what he was doing. 

He jerked back immediately, because not only were they perfect strangers and holding hands would have been weird even by his current standards, but boy howdy wouldn’t the press have a field day if they caught sight of Tony Stark holding hands with a man?

One reckless college night and a stint in the tabloids long ago had taught Tony the world wouldn’t look kindly on that particular part of himself, and if the tabloids hadn’t done it, the look on Howard’s face as he shouted about how his boy would marry a woman god-dammit had certainly set Tony on the proverbial ‘straight path’, so he cleared his throat a few times and tried to find another way to calm the soldier down. 

Later he could wonder why nineteen percent had him thinking about his Dad and that one time in college and all the times he’d shoved himself deep in the closet, but right now he had to make it through this conversation.

Therapy, later. 

“This uh-- this isn’t a scam.” he tried to reassure the other guy. “Or a trick or whatever. It’s just me here, no one is waiting with cameras or a ‘gotcha’ moment or whatever else you’re stressed about. I understand the need to check exits and worry that someone is gonna grab you but that’s not what this is.”

Silence, and Tony cleared his throat again, feeling both parched and ridiculous but he was too far in to back out now. “I can buy you breakfast and maybe we can talk? I’d like to get you fit for an arm cos you soldiers go through enough shit as it is, you deserve to come home with all your limbs. I can do that for you. For free.”

A flash of Afghanistan and the kids that had lost their lives defending him, and Tony softened his tone. “Not going to cost you anything, we can do it at my place or if that’s weird I can bring my equipment to you or we can meet a neutral location or a doctors office? Where are you staying, anywhere close?” 

Belatedly, Tony realized there was a good chance the soldier could be homeless, especially if he was around this part of town, especially if his personnel file was stamped with PTSD and honestly, why the hell wouldn’t it be? Tony needed a stamp like that for his goddamn forehead, this soldier definitely did, too.

Homeless was unfortunate. Devastating, really and pre-Afghanistan Tony hadn't thought twice about all those statistics about veterans and their PTSD and how they struggled to fit back into an unsympathetic world. But post Afghanistan, post “I am Iron Man” and staring into the lost, nearly blank gaze of one of those statistics, Tony cared a lot. 

“You can come stay with me.” he said out loud, knowing full well Pepper would shriek about him bringing home a perfect stranger. “I have plenty of room, I’m never at the New York apartment and there’s a whole side of the Malibu house I don’t even go in if you prefer the beach to the city. Or if DC is familiar, I can set up shop here. Just tell me what you prefer and I’ll make it happen.” 

Silence, and Tony kept talking because that’s just what he did, “It’s a win-win for both of us, you know? You’ll get a top of the line prosthesis and a place to stay for a while. I’ll get someone to listen to me talking while I work and do some good for the world, which should help my chances of getting to heaven, right? Cos wow, do I need some serious help in that sector.” 

The guy just kept looking and Tony finally laughed a little, shoved his fingers into his hair and disrupted the gelled style. “Alright you know what? I’m starting to sound creepy even to my own ears so here. Here’s my number.” 

He scrawled his digits on a napkin and pushed it across the table. “You call me if you want to give it a shot, okay? Doesn’t matter if it’s tonight or a few weeks from now,  just maybe do it within a few months? Two months, Max. This offer-- “and me. “-- has an expiration date and no pressure, but it’s already sort of going going and soon to be gone, yeah?” 

Tony got up from the booth and grimaced when his shoes stuck to the floor again. “I’ll get out of your admittedly awesome hair and leave you to your coffee. Have a good day and um-- sorry about ambushing you like this. I’ll just leave. I’ll pay for some food if you want some food but I’ll leave you alone too-” 

“...what’s your name again?” the soldier’s voice was low and smooth, a hint of an accent that sounded almost Russian edging the letters. 

“Oh.” Tony’s laugh was stunned and maybe even a little self deprecating. “I’m not used to people not knowing that already. Uh my name is Tony. Everyone just calls me Tony.” 

“Tony.” the guy stood up and oh he was outright huge, looming several inches over Tony and dwarfing him in his shadow. “So we leavin’ now?” 

“Oh, you’re--” Tony blinked in surprise. “You’re coming. I can’t believe my speech worked. Which part of the millions of words I just blathered convinced you to come along? Was it the part about heaven? Or how I got a bunch of houses? Which was it?” 

“None of it.” the soldier shrugged, then flinched when his left shoulder awkwardly pulled, lagged, dragging slower behind the right side. “But I got nothing to lose, and you’ve got bout the prettiest smile I’ve ever seen, so what’s the harm?” 

“What?” Tony didn’t mean to cheese it up with a grin but he couldn’t remember the last time a simple compliment had quite literally warmed him to his toes. “You like my smile?” 

“Sure do.” Red lips twitched up at the corner like the soldier wanted to smile too. “We goin’ right now?” 

“Yeah, yeah right now.” Tony tossed a handful of bills on the table, whistled for the waitress and pointed to the pile so she knew to apply it to his bill as well, then shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels, looking the soldier over again. “Still a little shocked you didn’t figure out who I was but that's okay, sort of loving the non- paparazzi hounded approach right now. What can I call you?” 

The big brunette hesitated, started to speak and then stopped, started and stopped like he couldn’t quite remember his name, which was insane right? Who didn’t know their own name?

“...James.” he finally said, slowly and almost like he didn’t believe it himself. “My name is James.” 

“James.” Tony repeated and the half smile on the soldiers lips widened to something nearly breathtaking. Wow. “Good to know you.” 

“Good to know you too.” James tilted his head and looked Tony over with something unreadable and almost hungry in his gaze. “You gonna take me home, or what?” 

*****************

SAY SOMETHING ABOUT THE CHAPTER!

ASK TO BE TAGGED IN THE FIC!

*****************

@quietgayguy @bluedreamdino @akimi-youngblood @blackstar1602 @dixiehellcat @travellover1245 @capnstarkey @the-awkward-teenaged-one @thanossucks @peteryoulittleshit @ tony-and-steeeb

@ships-galore @ceealaina @izziebladez @cwar1864 @hausoffro @tonystarkisanangel @multishippinglife @girlnic @iam93percentstardust @paranormalmoonlight5 @igotloki @moosette05 @wayward-student-philosopher @kaz-brekkers-gloves @atomicfandombomb @1fuckingshitup69 @agentlokii @livewire28 @tulipsnbigcats @kimstark @alex-stark-rogers @bibbarnes @heeeyitskay @goindownshipping 

#ncts fics #winteriron #tony stark #james bucky barnes #winter soldier bucky barnes #iron man 2 #pepper potts

[hp-fanfic-archive]

an introductory rec list (that no one asked for) to some of my favorite ships: wolfstar [1/10]

First fic I read for the pairing: Where Rain And Smoke Mingle by smallestbird [1k,T] It doesn't matter if they've disowned you, they're still your family. It doesn't matter how often you walk away, it still hurts. [it’s a bit dreary, but the writing style is so nice and i’m a big sucker for hurt/comfort]

Fic that really sold me on the pairing: Of Brothers and Boyfriends by Amuly [38k,E] There’s no summary on the fic, but, essentially, Remus and Sirius’s secret relationship gets found out and things get… complicated. (warning for homophobia) [My note on my ao3 bookmark pretty much sums up how I feel about this fic: Honestly one of my favorites (and one of the stories that really got me hooked on Wolfstar tbh) and I've read it at least eight times. However, I’m not entirely sure how I feel about the homophobic James Potter (even though he does come around).]

Absolute favorite fic(s) for the pairing: Text Talk by merlywhirls [141k,Not Rated] Sirius is in boarding school, Remus is in hospital, and they don't know each other until Sirius texts the wrong number. (warnings for homophobia, mentions of abuse, and homophobic language) [One of the earlier fics I read and it’s always just been one of my favorites, even though it’s been 3 years since I read it for the first time.] Harry Potter and the Live Laugh Love Sign in the Basement by loudestfandomsoftheworld [24k,T] Harry spends his summer with his fugitive godfather and his former professor who is a jobless werewolf. It's probably the best summer he's ever had. [The humor, the characterizations, their relationships, it’s all so fucking perfect!!] Go East [+Podfic] by xinasvoice [84k,E] Remus has been running for a long time. Eventually, he runs into a strange castle built by a wizard and his young apprentice. The longer he stays, the more secrets he uncovers...and the less he wants to leave. This is a novel-length adventure story that loosely follows the plot of Howl's Moving Castle. It does not require knowledge of the HMC book or movie to enjoy it. [it made me laugh, it made me cry, and it’s plot is based on one of my all time favorite movies? 11/10] Of Queries and Quarantines by MoonCat457 [51k,E] LUPIN.RJ: James, WHY? POTTER.JF: Because you’re the one currently doing the job, so it makes sense that you’d be the one to train the person hired to take your place. LUPIN.RJ: No, I mean why is Monty hiring a new editor in the middle of a fucking pandemic? POTTER.JF: An old friend of mine is in a tough spot and needs a job, so of course, dad is helping him out. - - - - OR A story set in the middle of the pandemic in which Sirius is hired at the Potter’s publishing company and Remus is responsible for training him. Lots of texting, lots of video calls, lots of mutual pining, and a lot of really bad literature quotes. [i’ve largely avoided quarantine au fics, but sometimes they’re so well-written and hilarious and also a texting fic and i accidentally fall in love with them, so here we are.]

Most recent fic I’ve read for the pairing: There Is No Man, However Wise by enigmaticblue [87k,T] It’s 1988, Sirius has Harry, and possession is nine-tenths of the law. [i adore a good raising harry au and i also adore the premise of the series this is in and i also adore the writing story and characterizations. 10/10]

Favorite AU(s) I’ve read for the pairing: High School AU: Likewise Variable by ssstrychnine [28k,T] James has plans, Peter is the nurse, Sirius keeps fake blood up his sleeves, and Remus just tries to stay alive. [i first read this fic in 2017 and it still lives rent free in my mind. it’s hilarious, a perfect characterization of the marauders (even tho it’s a muggle modern high school au) and adding shakespeare? just icing on the fucking cake. it’s excellent.] University AU: Wannabe Your Lover by Maraudererasmut & shadow_prince [15k,M] Somewhere in America, Fall of 1997 - Returning to University, James refused to room with Sirius in the wake of The Great Cheez-it Battle of '96. They must adjust to living with someone new, Mr. Potter worried they'd both get scurvy, James unsuccessfully continued trying to court one Lily Evans, Snape got what was coming to him, and Sirius was the most confused of them all. [this is the university experience we all wish we had, lowkey. aside from the hilarity that comes from having the marauders in a fic, it’s just cute and well-written and i love it (and southern remus??? it’s everything i never knew i needed.] Alternate Sorting AU (Slytherin Remus): Half Agony, Half Hope by Barry_Manilows_Wardrobe [21k,E] A tale wherein Sirius Black loses 750 House Points for Gryffindor. But it’s totally worth it. [listen, if, before i read this fic, you asked me if remus could’ve been a slytherin, my answer would have been “perhaps but probably not.” now, however, yeah. 100%. it’s hilarious, it’s novel (which i love to see), but it’s still the same remus and sirius and it’s excellent.] Haunted House AU: Another Day in the Sun by REwrites [19k,T] Is it haunted? I suppose that depends on who is telling the story. [really really excellent and a little haunting (pun entirely intended). it’s romantic and sweet and a little bittersweet but i adore it.]

WIP(s) I really love for the pairing: We Were Infinite by WolfstarPups90 [336k,E] “The Marauders aren’t something that will just go away once we graduate.” James continued, taking a more serious tone and addressing not only Remus, but the fear that they all had found recently in the back of their minds about what may become of them outside the walls of Hogwarts. “We’re a family. We’ve proven that again and again, haven’t we? We’re forever. Unstoppable. We’re infinite.” The full story of The Marauders from September 1st 1971 - October 31st 1981. (Heavily centered around Wolfstar and Jily in later chapter) [the first WIP i ever read (usually i stick to completed works, but this was being pretty regularly updated when i started reading it and also it’s fucking iconic so what can i say?)] Of Leaves and Stars by irrationalmoony & LadyAmina [273k,T] Almost a year out of Hogwarts, Lily finally manages to convince Sirius and James to get more acquainted with muggle technology and buy phones. Sirius, of course, texts the wrong number. [everyone is queer! (as they well should be). also: is it complete? no. has that stopped me from reading it twice? also no.]

Favorite Series for the pairing: TransVerse by picascribit [30k,E,2 works] Canon-divergent AU in which Remus is a transgender boy instead of being a werewolf. (warnings for underage, transphobia, internalized transphobia, bullying, self-harm) [i am a trans remus stan and this series is iconic, but also heed the tags kids.]

Longest fic I’ve read for the pairing: Once in a Blue Moon by FullMoonDreams [408k,M] In a world where Remus never received his Hogwarts invitation and Sirius wasn't accepted by the Gryffindors the two lonely boys become friends. A story beginning in their first year, and continuing right through Hogwarts and beyond. RLSB. [this fic emotionally ruined me,,, but like,,, in a good way, you know? i will probably never reread it because i cried for hours the first time, but the plot does live rent free in my mind (and i do have a playlist of songs that remind me of it).]

Fic(s) with some of my favorite tropes: Matchmaking: Pining, Parchment, Plotting, and Pranks by KayBee1762 [12k,T] “Idea parchment,” James said. He unfolded it and smoothed it out. “You want to get them together, right? That’s why you came to me?” “Yeah,” Lily huffed, which was ridiculous because he was right, that’s why she came to him. But it was supposed to be her idea, because she wanted to help her dear friend Remus, not James or Sirius. But it was so nice to be able to talk about this with someone, and James looked so pleased and excited. “Good,” James said. “Good, because they need to get together, they would be so happy and so good together, and Sirius will stop sighing like a lovesick puppy and just snog him instead.” In which Lily considers changing Houses, James blushes a lot, Sirius is his usual dramatic self, Remus mopes, and Peter knew everything all along. [the marauders (especially james and lily) trying to play matchmaker is one of my favorite instances of the classic matchmaking trope.] Road Trips + Bed Sharing: Of Comets and Counter-Examples by Woldy [5k,T] If the past is a foreign country, can travel help to resolve a troubled history? Dumbledore assigns Remus and Sirius a mission to explore three European cities, or perhaps to find each other. [a lovely tale of travel, reunions, comfort, friendship, and self-rediscovery. plus, travel, bed sharing, and friends to lovers??? yeah] Matchmaking (again): In The Middle by Blossomwitch [3k,Not Rated] James is the natural confidant of both Remus and Sirius. When they both swear him to secrecy on the same topic, James is stuck watching his friends pine for each other without being able to say a word to bring them together. A lesser man might shrink from the challenge of finding a way to break his promise without breaking his promise, but not James Potter! [i already did a matchmaking trope fic i know but what can i say other than the trope fucking slaps and so does this fic.]

#wolfstar #remus/sirius #sirius/remus #wolfstar fic rec #wolfstar fic rec list #intro to my fav ships rec list #hp fic rec #hp fic rec list #queue is for quibbler