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letterstodreams · 1 month

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What About Family?

One might wonder, where is my family, in all this? Do I have a family? Or do I stay in touch and am I close? I guess for many people these days, their family is a source of conflict and confusion, or a distant, peripheral thing in their lives, maybe there some of the time and in some ways, but not close, and not a dependable source of meaning, support and deeper understanding, not a source of help when life's biggest challenges threaten to take you under. Not a source of understanding and acceptance, but a group of people who agree to support each other only in very limited ways, if all follow the unspoken agreement to conform to certain norms and not cross certain lines about what can or can't be expressed.

I guess my family falls into the latter category, for me. They provide me with a certain very strained, shallow, hollow feeling of questionable belonging, care and support. I know it's there, it's real, if I play by the rules. But what it really means and what its worth, under the surface, is very questionable for me, indeed. Even though they are for all outward appearances very gentle, kind people, sensitive and caring and generous and so on. An outside observer would likely view most or all of them that way.

But scratch the surface, cross the boundaries, and you will see the coldness, the insinuations and subtle insults and excluding behavior and veiled comments meant to criticize and reject. Scorn, hate and rejection, visible in the eyes, in the subtle differences between how different family members are treated, preference, praise, warmth, attention to some, ignoring, coldness, subtle insults to others. Even rejection and criticism disguised as praise or kind suggestions, somehow totally obvious in their cruelty and coldness, yet totally inexpressible and ignored, treated as normal and healthy. It seems that such behavior is somewhat or very common in families, based on my reading in books and online.

Part of what makes me excluded and snubbed by my family is that I have mental and physical health problems they cannot accept as even being real or valid. Another thing is my neurodivergence and unusual personality and interests and extreme introverted, highly sensitive nature and sensory issues, more things they seem to see as being unreal or a sign of my lack of effort to overcome them. I also don't look as pretty and fashionable and act as cute and lively and hyperactive as they all do, the women, that is to say.

But the men, on the other hand, expect me to act like a typical woman of the family too, and I wouldn't fit with the men's fixations on masculine things and wealth, ambition, hard physical work, real estate, cars, politics, and other such things. I don't fit anywhere in my family, except perhaps among the children, and even peripherally among them, as most of them are a product of modern parenting problems, in part.

They run around, loud, demanding, spoiled, dominant, competitive. My own child is not competitive, and manages to happily blend among the other children, accepting the role of follower and second, third or last place, when she's in their company. I can see the innocence and playful, creative, joyful heart and kindness that is still there in the other children, too. Despite whatever spoiled, competitive, selfish behaviors they might have learned, they still are in touch with their childhood innocence and kindness, as I guess most kids are up to a certain age at least. So I take comfort in their presence. They can bring much cheer, laughter, sweetness, and fun, if the sheer noise level doesn't completely overwhelm me. My own daughter plays much more quietly at home, but joins in loudly and merrily when with the other kids.

Anyway, after writing all this, my cat meowed loudly and insistently, repetitively, for attention, so I happily went to give her some attention, and then my emotions were much soothed. I then felt like washing dishes, which had piled up a bit, and after a good half hour or more of that, I felt like I'd put my world in a bit more order. I felt more grounded in the senses, the now, the rhythms of life. I started to reflect on why I had even written this post, because under the calm, grounded rhythm of life, I felt this inflammatory feeling, and I wondered was it worth it, to fan the flames of pain and discord that I feel about my family, which run so much deeper than I can express just in one post. The full pain and horror of my family history might take a whole book to explain. Not just a book, but a well-written , eloquent book that I'm not even capable of writing and expressing so clearly, on such a touchy, complex, sensitive subject that is so hard to adequately describe.

"I already know all this, so why am I writing about it?", I said to myself. And then I thought, I'm writing this to explain to others. That is part of building a consistent, solid blog story, to explain and give enough detail and background that the whole picture seems at least somewhat clear enough. But is it necessary, in this case. I don't have to tell all the details of my family, not that I've even scratched the surface of the twisted toxic mess of it, but I don't have to give as much detail as I have. I know that others likely wouldn't understand unless they had been in the same boat. Even if they kind of understood, or thought they did, they likely wouldn't really understand my own story, my own family, which has complex secrets and twists that are impossible to put into words, though they change the whole experience so much that I can't even begin to convey the whole maze of it this entrapped and entangled thing.

But I'm not exactly nor literally entrapped. But I do feel dependent far more than the average person, unable to survive without the right diet and housing and lifestyle that support a very fragile mental and physical health, without which I may spiral into total self-destruction and decay, unto death even, not unlikely to me so it seems. I actually depend on my husband for those conditions, but if I lost or disentangled myself from him one day, I could try to rely on my family for some support in this regard, if I couldn't make it on my own.

Except likely it would be a miserable experience, just surviving. The housing might make me ill, I might not be able to afford the diet I need to stay well, and I might be continually invaded and harassed by their cold and callous behavior, if not outright verbal abuse. Intense, soul-numbing narcissistic abuse and tyranny prevailed when I lived under their roof. If I moved back to the family land, I would be once more in their debt, in their sphere, in easy reach at all hours, fallen back into the pit I tried to escape. I might not make it there, but if I did manage, I don't know how bad my life might be, but maybe things would be different now, as an adult, but it feels quit iffy and unstable to say the least.

So all this darkness and decay that exists between me and my family, and back into the long painful history I have with them. Yet I still feel like there may be something good, something warm and caring, wholesome and worthwhile, that I could salvage. Or maybe it would just be the appearance, the imitation of something wholesome and salvageable, but less painful than the harm and decay with no veneer at all. I feel like there are code words and keys to use that will unlock the pretend warmth and caring of certain family members.

Or maybe it's not pretend, maybe they really do care, in these limited and forced ways, with choking strings attached, but care nonetheless. If they are truly narcissists, then the caring and love is questionable and perhaps false and imaginary, but maybe it's worth something if it comes to that, if they're all I have to depend on for help I desperately need.

So I have learned about how to make these fragile connections to people whose intentions and hearts are of questionable sincerity and purity. How to act like I love a family who might not really love me in any real way, even if they fake it for appearances sometimes. But I also learned how to act like I love and care for others in this world, other people who I might find these frail yet beautiful and deep strands of connection, ways to give and affirm and connect, even if I'm so different, so rejectable in so many ways for so many people.

It is acting, but it's real, too, in the sense I care for them from our shared humanity, but the bond may be a tenuous, frail thread, so easily broken from both sides. If I cultivate these small avenues of connection, it might come at the expense of all the other aspects of self-expression, which I have to keep under wraps since no one might accept me for my very real, full, authentic self. I feel I'm just too foreign to almost everyone. But if I can find these narrow places of true connection, it's something. Then I can create a fragile yet strong bond with others, maybe.

I've learned this is possible, and the characters taught me, but if it is possible for me is another thing. It's possible for some people, and sometimes, and I imagine, for me sometimes, but I have yet to enact it. I need to see how to really put it into consistent and convincing action, because though I care, it doesn't come across in the way others relate to and accept. But this might be a bridge to the friends I need, the family I need, my own family, and other friends. I might find some friends who I can meet at a deeper level, and these fragile inroads might expand to something more meaningful and fulfilling and whole.

But if it stays in these narrow paths of very particular shared meaning, that could be enough to at least improve things for me, perhaps. The feeling of giving, and of lifting up another's soul, heart, day, mood, life, in some small way, might be enough. I have often heard that kindness is an addictive high that provides benefits that far outweigh the apparently small, simple gestures. It's not the answer to the world's problems, since the world and I both need more than simple, small gestures of kindness. But it could be something to help me survive and find my way towards a real cure, or to survive and just survive alone if that is what I need and must settle for.

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bitterbelphie · 6 months

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hcs post.

for all the grief he gives his siblings, belphie really does love all of them. he just has complicated feelings with all of them, particularly lucifer.

naturally hes closest with beel; the two share a profound bond bordering on the telepathic. they have their spats, but its not rare that if you look for one twin, youll find the other not too far.

belphie enjoys cursed horror films. being a big hex buff himself, the hexes and curses in certain movies are part of the experience.

he falls asleep in strange places seemingly at random. belphie spotting isnt unheard of through the devildom, even outside of RAD. he doesnt have a lot of control all the time about when his sin pulls him into sleep... hes usually aware of his surroundings regardless of being unconscious, and usually a brother isnt very far away. (sometimes they fight over whos got time to go pick him up, and lucifer has to assign someone to just go DO it. usually, though, beels fine with it and volunteers.)

even being the "weakest" of the brothers, belphegor is still one of the top most powerful beings in the entire devildom and is recognized as such. even among his brothers, hes something to be wary of when he gets out of control; he might not have the same punching power as some of his other brothers, but he makes up for it in being cheap and being crafty. his brothers' biggest relief is in knowing belphegor has nearly zero desire to do any ladder climbing amongst them- its too much work, and holding a higher position would be exhausting.

he knows a lot of spells, curses, and hexes and has a pretty strong influence on the regular human, particularly those with little or no magical experience or proficiency yet. being kind of sour, he tends to put an unconscious pressure on those humans and even lesser demons in close proximity so theyre more likely to leave him alone. when pressed further, this can warp perceptions of him and the surroundings for whoever hes projecting it onto.

the pressure, he controls. but sometimes theres other things he controls less; he can make those nearby feel a bit drowsy if they arent protected, too, when he has his own episodes. luckily, most devildom goers do tend to be protected, because effects like this are common from many sources in the devildom. never leave home without your charms and wards, kids!

belphegors demon form can be triggered at will, due to immense emotions, or rarely, from external, forcible triggers that prevent him from "hiding" as a human. his appearance is the same overall with each transformation, but his mental state may cause slight differences from transformation to transformation. for example, hes more likely to be soft and fluffy if hes popped his demon form for leisure or cuddles, while being more sharp and wirey if he feels upset or hostile.

belphegors grades are some of the best amongst his brothers, despite how frequently he falls asleep in class. a majority of points he ever gets docked are for attendance; he falls asleep and doesnt make it to his next class. he always makes it to school, conscious or not though. lucifer sees to that... usually. belphie also has a few of his papers published.

belphegor is the third shortest brother; from shortest to tallest its asmodeus/mammon (same height), belphie, satan, leviathan, lucifer, beelzebub. belphie is likely roughly 5'6". he slouches and lays down a lot though, as well as wears a lot of baggy clothes, so its commonly thought hes the shortest anyway... even from people who usually know better.

sleep and dream states slip dangerously close into the dead and supernatural. like, more than demons of other sin affinities. dont ask to elaborate its a mess, just know belphie more than tolerates his job at the mausoleum for reasons. helps him appreciate a good horror movie too.

#ooc #navigation

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infxnatum · 1 year

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Ruby Valentine (Project Siren)

Head of Infinatum’s Triple-X Division

Background

Ruby’s life story is only known by a few select people at Infinatum Labs, Anarak obviously being one of them. With Tai and Descartes being the only others. It’s one of the best kept secrets, why he is the way he is, and how he got there in the first place. Not many would look at him, or talk to him and ever guess he was a capable enough individual to be worthy of selection by the Scientist that lead it all. But despite appearances, Ruby is far more intelligent than he lets on.

A former human, who had a hand in the perfection of the Gene Awakening process due to being a geneticist himself at the labs. He specialized in genetic fine tuning, with a focus on chromosome differentials. This helped deal with the countless possible variants of dormant genes that could otherwise conflict with the natural coding of an individual, particularly in regards to chemical and hormone production genes. His Gene Awakening was one of the hybrids, that of a Rox, a Rabbit-Fox. Many considered it quite apt given his already well-known personality.

After everything settled down enough, and the war with the Entity entered its eternal stalemate, Ruby got the chance to do what he’d dreamed of. This took place well after the incident that created Project Paradox, and thus Anarak was already ready for it. He opened up a wing of the labs that would become the Triple X division, and Ruby became the leading morale officer at the labs. With so few remaining alive, it was important that they were all kept in high spirits, and had all forms of relaxation and tension relief available to them.

The Rox studied up on various forms of psychology, and become the therapist of the labs as well. Many of his treatments, of course, related to...sexual release in some manner. Everyone at Infinatum has long since become used to it, even though at first many were confused, Anarak entrusted this role to him for a reason.

Ruby is good at what he does, and anyone who’s been with him can vouch for it. Especially Sun Tai Tsing, the one who eventually became his husband. And they were the only official couple on the entire island. Even after Tai’s apparent death, and the arrival of Flare. Pushing through his downed emotional state, he persisted to ensure that everyone else was happy, more than himself.

Now with Tai’s return, he’s been better than ever, and continues to work diligently, both at home, and out on different jobs. Outside the labs, he’s one of the Information gatherers, primarily through Infiltration using his abilities.

Statistics

Age: 26, halted due to hyper regeneration

Gender: Primarily Male, but can easily change

Species: Rox

Height: 5′3″

P.O.B: Classified

D.O.B: Classified

D.O.D: N/A

Sexuality: Yes

Occupation: Therapist and Morale Officer, Professional Lover, Infiltrator, Information Gatherer, All around fuckboy

Colors: Light Brown, Cream, Red, Pink, Black

Eye Color: Lavender

Mentality: Almost always happy, positive and friendly. Extremely flirty, usually leaning towards lustful or horny. Has little concept of boundaries, but does understand when to back off, and does know what No means. He just wants everyone to be happy and feel good.

Abilities and Capabilities

Project Siren, like quite a few of the others, this was a Project of his own conceptualization. He felt trapped as he was, and wanted the ability to do more for everyone, with no limits, regardless of what they were. The primary aspect of Project Siren was genetic enhancement to the extreme.

The first of many traits, was the ability to change his gender at will. This came with his more androgynous features, which themselves never changed, only what he had to work with. While he favors his original self, he can become any, all, or none. This entirely depends on the preference of his partners.

The second and third traits work in tandem. Enhanced resilience and hyper regenerative capabilities. Ruby was never a combatant, which meant that the downside of weakening any offensive capabilities were a moot point to him. By rerouting neural signals that were designed for combat reflexes, and muscular enhancement normally used to deliver blows, he was made into essentially the tankiest member of the entire crew.

These traits in particular are enhanced by being tied into his hormone levels. Under certain circumstances, namely, while doing what he does best, they are amplified to their highest limits. To the point that his body regenerates before even taking any possible damage. This allows him to be with any partner, no matter what, and survive.

The fourth trait, genetic pliability and chimaerism. While not nearly at the level of Zenni, due to how his particular abilities work. Ruby’s genetic coding is able to change and adapt on the fly, to further suit his partner’s needs and desires. Through this, he is genetically compatible with any organic species he comes across, should it be necessary. Quite specifically, this means he can breed with anyone and anything as long as it’s capable of breeding.

The fifth and final trait, which is the one that helps most in his other job, but obviously helps with his main career choice. Hyperpersuasion, modifying the vocal chords and pheromonal generation to influence intended targets psyche and whittle away at their wills. He rarely uses this to its full potential, because he wants things to go more naturally. Thus it’s almost exclusively used for infiltration purposes. The pheromones can be used to influence the chemical balances of his partners, to enhance the fun they have as well, like a living aphrodisiac.

What it’s like now

Ruby is one of the ones who travels often, not being one of the fighters of the facility. He doesn’t even do all that much infiltration work, due to Osirus being much better at gathering information. He mostly acts as a scout to check on reports of possible Entity influence before Zenni is contracted to deal with it.

He likes to visit new places, try and meet new creatures and friends to make, and just have fun. No matter what, wherever he goes, his main goal is to make whoever he meets feel good however he can. And when he’s not out and about, he’s spending time with the recently returned Tai. Yes, it’s an open relationship, Tai knew exactly what he was getting into when he proposed.

#r rated rabbit [ruby]#character post #long post #important post #information post

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xtrablak674 · 1 year

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Trust, it isn't what I wanted to do, its what I had to do.

September of 2019 was the last time Aunt Mary saw her sister alive.

At this time to be frank, she was still in denial of her sister's spiraling Alzheimer's, I had sent a book to her that I found useful but I was met with open defiance and hostility. This trip in which she was accompanied by her niece Rosemary, was a chance for her to assess with her own eyes her sister's debilitation. You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make them drink.

This was the beginning of my very reluctant care giving. I had hired two aides, one for the weekdays and one for the weekend. The Thai woman I hired never showed up for her first shift, so Ms. Stewart was left in these first few weeks working seven days a week, exactly what I didn't want. But I was trying to make it work, while I hired someone new.

From the photos everything looks so 'normal' but this time was anything but normal. I had barely rescued my father's mother from being placed in a care facility by her cousin, who was overwhelmed with her caregiving. I assessed that she had enough lucidity, presence of mind and didn't wander, to still be on her own in her home with daily assistance. Outside of the meals she was getting at the senior center she had begun to forget to eat, and was losing weight. We had soon discovered we needed to prepare meals for her, and put her in front of them. These were the early days just a glimmer of what was to come.

This was prior to my installing cameras and motion sensors in the house and I was curious about if my father's mother actually slept through the night when the sun went down. Her sister would answer this question, so I would know what the length of the shifts should be for the aides.

Trying my best to be inclusive in these early days, I was looping the cousin that was overwhelmed, and her sister into her caregiving, this would prove to not be tenable because someone backseat driving from another state nearly a thousand miles away wasn't helpful, or even necessary and the cousin really wanted to wash his hands of the entire matter due to his having to be the caregiver for his first wife, who ultimately died. I was the only one with clarity to give this woman the care she needed, not being motivated by anything else other than being a decent human being.

youtube

We were trying to figure out her care as a 'family' and I use that term very loosely, because albeit her caregivers were related, we weren't a family. After I think the third day of the visit, I got a call from Ms. Stewart the aide, telling me that Ms. Mary and Ms. Sadie were arguing a lot and Ms. Sadie's appetite had dipped significantly and she had lost like twenty pounds since her sister had come to stay. She was already extremely underweight the last thing I needed was her losing more weight. So I did what I needed to do.

I called her sister and told her that she couldn't stay with her sister anymore because it was negatively effecting her mental health and well-being, and more importantly she had lost a significant amount of weight since her arrival. I keep using just aunt, but Aunt Mary is my Great Aunt, she is my father's mother's sister, and around this time I believe she was in her early eighties and I am clearly not anywhere near her contemporary. I had to use my standing as grandchild, next of kin, health proxy and power of attorney to stand up for her sister's rights.

This was the most unpleasant situation I ever had to be in in my adult life, telling the sibling of the person I was caring for that they had to leave her house. Well to say this ended my relationship with Aunt Mary is an understatement. Soon after this our communications ended because she felt the need to be berating, critical and nasty in our correspondence, and I refused to be shit on, so I ended them entirely hoping this would give her a cooling off period, that never came. I wasn't going to be taking care of a person who I had an extremely toxic relationship my entire adult life and on the other end of that have her in-denial sister spewing venom at me daily. #NoMaam

I later learned that she also became estranged from the cousin, who was the primary caregiver before I stepped in. It seemed she not only had she alienated me, who her children knew was her favorite nephew, but she also pissed off her cousin who had been so devoted to her ailing sibling, going above, beyond and out of his pocket to take care of his cousin.

In hindsight, I think she was feeling her own mental capacities diminishing and seeing some of her own fears and doubts reflected in her sister, this made her grossly aware of her own mortality and possibly her own early onset dementia, frankly not an easy place to navigate emotionally.

Long before her sister finally died, somewhat peacefully at home, I had decided I wasn't attending the services either in New York or the final internment in South Carolina. My personal animosity towards the person I was forced to care for made me very aware of what I needed emotionally and mentally, and that wasn't condolences for a woman I didn't care for. My biggest lost through out the situation wasn't her, it was my relationship with the woman I would tell to all my friends was my favorite aunt, my Aunt Mary.

[Photo by Brown Estate]

#caregiving #dementia #alzheimers #end of life arrangements #family history #mortality #black #family #estranged #hostility #raised emotions #self care #broken relationships #family drama #adulting #mental health #Youtube

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abovebelowalexandrailieva · 2 years

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Stranger Things

Stranger Things is an American science fiction drama television series created by the Duffer Brothers.

The show takes place in the fictional town of Hawkins, Indiana in the mid 1980s. The first season, set in November 1983, follows numerous groups of characters as they separately investigate the disappearance of Will Byers. The subsequent second and third seasons expand the narrative scope, exploring the complex fallout from the events of November 1983. The fourth season further expands the show's scope, with major storylines taking place outside of Hawkins for the first time. A fifth season is in the works and is set to conclude the series. The Duffer Brothers are also known to be developing at least one spinoff series.

The Upside Down

The Upside Down is an alternate dimension existing in parallel to the human world. The dimension originally consisted entirely of sprawling mountains and floating rocks, and was home to a race of humanoid predators. Somehow, the Upside Down transformed from its original state and became a perfect copy of the human world, exactly as it existed on November 6 1983. However, unlike the human world, this new incarnation of the Upside Down was overrun with alien vines, spores and membranes, and completely devoid of human life. The alien vines, along with the humanoid predators and a species of bat-like creatures, formed a shared hive mind. This shared psychic connection was made possible via "the Mind Flayer", a powerful entity native to the Upside Down which Henry Creel possessed control over. The entirety of the Upside Down was essentially one gigantic organism, with all its contents and agents connected both physically and mentally via Henry and the Mind Flayer.

Characters

Eleven-Eleven was kidnapped as a new born by Dr. Martin Brenner and raised in Hawkins National Laboratory, where she was experimented on for her inherited psychokinetic abilities. After escaping the lab, she was found by Mike, Lucas, and Dustin. Upon discovering her abilities, Mike believed that she could help find Will, their missing friend.

Michael- is a main character in Stranger Things. The leader of the Party, he is the boyfriend of Eleven, the best friend of Dustin Henderson, Lucas Sinclair, Will Byers, and Max Mayfield, and the younger brother of Nancy Wheeler.

Nancy- is a young adult and an aspiring journalist, and an ally to “The Party". She is the older sister of Mike, the former girlfriend of Steve Harrington, and the current girlfriend of Jonathan Byers.

Dustin- was a typical nerd. However, he had a rare genetic disorder (cleidocranial dysplasia) that prevented his teeth from developing properly. His life changed in the fall of 1983, when his best friend Will Byers disappeared.

Will- was a shy, artistic boy from Hawkins, Indiana who loved to play D&D with his three best friends, Mike, Lucas and Dustin. However, Will's life would turn upside-down on November 6, 1983.

Lucas-In 1983, Lucas's friend, Will mysteriously vanished so Lucas and the rest of his friends, Mike and Dustin went out to look for him, only to meet a girl named Eleven who had telekinetic powers. Lucas was wary of Eleven and found her weird and hardly believed in supernatural circumstances of Will's disappearance.

Joyce-In November, 1983, after Will mysteriously disappeared, Joyce was certain that he was communicating with her through the lights in her house. Despite everyone treating her as if she was having a mental breakdown, Joyce refused to believe that Will was dead, even after his alleged corpse was found. Through cooperation with her friend and local police chief Jim Hopper.

Jonathan-In the fall of 1983, Jonathan's younger brother, Will, vanished without a trace due to Jonathan working late. Will's disappearance made Jonathan guilt-ridden for not being there and would soon take a toll on his relationship with his mother, who insisted Will was trapped in the walls and taken by a monster with no face. Jonathan dismissed Joyce's claims as a sign of a mental breakdown and took it upon himself to take care of the funeral arrangements upon Will's "body" being recovered from the town quarry.

Hopper- was Chief of Police in the small, sleepy town of Hawkins, Indiana, where he used to live out a carefree existence - yet haunted by a troubled past. After an old friend, Joyce Byers’ reported that her son, Will, had mysteriously disappeared, Hopper's life became infinitely more complicated. He began to realise Will's disappearance was caused by an experiment at Hawkins National Laboratory and helped Joyce rescue her son from an alternate dimension called the Upside Down.

Steve- a student at Hawkins High School, he was best friends with Tommy Hagan and Carol Perkins and the boyfriend of Nancy Wheele. When Nancy's best friend, Barbara, disappeared, she became distant and Steve thought she was cheating with Jonathan. Following a few ignorant actions, Steve had a change of heart, told his friends off, and set out to make things right. By coincidence, he ended up heroically saving the day and reconciled with his girlfriend.

Robin- in the summer of 1985, Robin began working at the newly-built Starcourt Mall’s ice cream parlor,Soops Ahoy, alongside her former classmate,Steve. Robin often made Steve the butt of many jokes due to his fleeting popularity and failure to attract any female customers.When Steve and his friend Dustin attempted to crack an intercepted Russian code, Robin assisted through her knowledge of many languages. She figured out that Russians were using the mall's food chains and businesses to smuggle supplies into Hawkins. Eventually, the three discovered that the Soviets had carried out an elaborate scheme.

Max- was originally from California, and had a keen interest in skateboarding from a young age. Following her mother’s divorce and remarriage to Nail Hargove in 1984, Max and her erratic stepbrother Billy moved to Hawkins, Indiana. Max quickly gained a reputation at the Palace Arcade for topping the game leaderboards, her high scores submitted under the player name "MADMAX". Max's high scores captured the attention of arcade regulars Dustin, Lucas, Will and Mike, who mistakenly assumed her to be a boy. After Maxine joined the boys' class at Hawkins middle School, they realised the new girl and the mysterious MADMAX were one and the same

Creatures

The Mind Flayer- is an entity originating from the Upside Down, an alternate dimension existing in parallel to the human world. The Mind Flayer is gigantic, looming at least 50 stories tall, and sports a distinctive spider-like appearance. The Mind Flayer could wield supreme control of the Upside Down via a psychic link, with Demogorgons, vines and demobats forming a shared hive mind.

Hawkins tunnel system- was an organism that grew out from the Upside Down, via the Mothergate at Hawkins Laboratory. It took the form of a series of tunnels, sprawling beneath the outskirts of Hawkins.

Demogorgons- are predatory creatures originating from the Upside Down. All Demogorgons encountered thus far are assumed to obey the Mind Flayer, and make up part of his hive mind. Under his influence, Demogorgons are murderous, violent and have limited intelligence.

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endeaavorr · 3 years

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[18.23]

the third vibrate from your phone successfully prodded your eyes to wake. your left arm numb from the way you accidentally slept on it hurriedly reaches out to put your phone on silent, not wanting to wake him up. ah yes, him. you look at the dimmed screen of your phone, 5.00 am 8th of August.

your heart warms at the sight. you lean back to the mattress facing up, trying to stretch your body properly before starting up the day. you turn your head to the left and see his sleeping figure. the slow rise of his chest, the slight part of his lips, and the nasty scar, as shoto calls it, settling happily across the side of his face.

you don’t usually get to see this side of him, either because he doesn’t come home that night from work, or you’re too tired to pay attention, or the two of you passed out right after doing it. so you hit the snooze button once more and studies his face, your right hand now softly leaning on his broad chest, neat fingers tracing the outlines of his never aging face.

but the morning haze soon is replaced by your default mode. pulling enji’s cover to his chin to keep him warm, you get up to start preparing breakfast, you wanted to make it extra special for today.

for the last month the two of you has been, how do you say it, distant. you were taking extra shifts at your agency to afford this watch you wanted to give him on his birthday. even so, since you can’t tell him why he’s starting to come home to a cold empty house, it’s been quiet and rather uncomfortably awkward. you kinda feel bad in a way, so you’re determined to make today work.

you were so drowned in your thoughts, you didn’t even realize enji already woke up and finished his morning run.

“good morning, papa.” you greet him with your usual kind eyes.

“morning,”

he’s fresh out of the shower, wearing a sleeveless shirt and a lounge short, a small towel sitting on his damp hair. he sits on the tatami while you plate breakfast for the two of you. the air is dry and suddenly even the tatami is not that comfortable.

breakfast was quiet, it has always been quiet. but not like this, it’s normally filled with you clinging to his arm and playfully sneak your head under his arms right above his folded feet, facing him with a half closed sleepy smile.

you steal glances at him but he’s always looking down. just when you have the courage to break the silence, he says i enjoyed the food, and puts his dish in the sink.

“i’m staying out tonight, don’t wait up for me.”

you were only able to muster a ‘good luck at work, papa!’ before he’s gone again.

it’s 5pm. you just got home from enji’s agency, dropping of a set of suit you picked up from the launderer. reservation is at 8pm, you have three hours to call him about it and get ready yourself.

“hello,”

“ah papa ! are you busy now ?”

“yeah, i thought i told you this morning.”

it’s a lie, you asked his assistant and his schedule is empty from 5pm above.

“well, not according to your assistant apparently.”

it’s silent.

“well, i just dropped off something for you at the receptionist ! make sure to wear them, dinner’s at ___ at 8pm under my name, i’ll see you there papa ! i love you!”

“wait—“

you leaned to the wall behind you and press your phone to your chest in a relieved sigh. really, you’ve been living together literally your whole life, how are you still nervous like a preteen talking to their first crush ?

you shake your head mentally and start to get ready. in the mean time.. enji is dumbfounded. he’s just confused and the receptionists are grinning knowingly, which makes him even more, confused. good thing his office has a shower and a spare room though.

it’s 7pm. you apply some final touches of light make up. the two light honks from outside signals that your driver is here, ready to take you. the restaurant is pretty close from enji’s office, but it takes a good 25 min walk from the todoroki residence and you don’t wanna ruin your hair.

you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, you’re wearing a black designer dress that exposes your shoulders with a small purse on the right of your hand. you’re ready to go.

8 pm.

“ah, endeavor-san, how can i help you tonight ?”

the hostess welcomes enji with a polite smile.

“i have a reservation under my daughter’s name, todoroki y/n.”

“right this way, sir.”

enji follows the hostess to a more secluded table from the others, he notices it’s way quieter than the main dining hall, the view next to both of the seats are the wide view of city lights. the waiter serving them tonight introduces himself and hands him the menu, while pouring water from a sealed glass bottle to enji’s glass. he looks through some pages but then decided to just wait for you to order.

you arrive no later than five minutes after he did, welcomed by the same hostess, and immediately taken to your table.

“you look good, papa.”

“you too,”

he takes his time to scan over you, your neatly styled hair, your set of greenish ocean eyes that matches his, the scar on your left cheek that you wear proudly, and lastly the way he realizes again just how breathtaking you are.

on the other side, you feel your heart flutter. he looks really good. the slightly opened white shirt, the perfectly tailored navy suit, emphasizing his strong arms that has saved way too many lives, too many times.

enji was too busy staring at you he didn’t even bother taking a look at his menu. and by the time the waiter was ready to take his order, he just went with the classic i’ll have one of what she’s having.

“how’s your day, papa?” you started the conversation.

“it’s normal, busy.”

you place your right hand on top of his, thumb gently rubbing comforting strokes on his palm.

“i missed you, you know.”

“well, you’re the one who’s been away so much.”

you’re honestly a bit startled at his bluntness, he usually won’t do things like this. you get a bit shy and shifts your gaze from his to where your palms are lightly entangled.

“i’m sorry papa, i can’t help it, i needed extra shifts.”

“for what ? is it about money ? you know you can always ask me, right ? i don’t mind providing for you for the rest of my life as long as i get to come home to you, and not just a cold dead hall.”

you’re out of words, his brows is contorted, and the glint in his eyes shows something you guessed to be dissapointment ? guilt ?

“i’m sorry,” you say again, hands shyly squeezing his and the other toying with the ends of your skirt. your heart still goes on a marathon when it comes to him.

the dinner was nice, it’s slow paced and calm, just like how he likes it. the little tense you two had is now slowly melting away. opting to take a walk home instead, you walk hand in hand under the generous light of the moon.

enji took off his suit halfway and put it around you, keeping his right hand in his pocket while his other is entangled with your much smaller one. his shirt has now one more button open, sleeves rolled neatly three times as they rest proper on half of his arm.

you can’t stop smiling, butterflies going crazy in your stomach like a lovesick fool, that you maybe are. you don’t know if it’s from the wine, but he’s way more talkative right now, you’re making jokes here and there, laughing to yourself while gripping his hand tighter and hugging his arms with your other hand. he’s laughing a little too, not that he doesn’t appreciate it, that’s just how he is.

you’re waiting to cross the road at the last junction before you reach your home, the road is clean empty but the light is still red. the both of you don’t mind, he takes this chance to pull you tighter against him and breathe the always comforting natural scent of your hair.

your solace is interrupted by the ding of the crossing light turning green, but enji doesn’t let go, so you start walking slowly like that, pressed against each other, steps getting tangled making it hard to walk. the things you do for love.

it’s 11 pm.

he goes in first while you lock the front door and make sure all the lamps in the yard are on. he sits down and starts to take off his shoe, you quickly slipped of your heels and crouched between his legs to do it for him instead. your short dress riding up, displaying your already exposed milky thighs in its glory.

you can tell where he’s looking and feel the twitch of your insides from the yearning you’ve been holding back. he reaches out his right hand to caress your cheek. you lean to his rough hands and give him a faint smile before you push your body towards his in attempt of pinning him down, disguised by an innocent hug. your head resting on his chest while he supports himself with one arm and holds you back with the other. he face touches the bare skin of your neck and finds comfort there. pressing kisses that quickly turned wet.

you lift up your head and pulled his supporting hand towards you, making sure he’s fully laid on the wooden floor, arms caging his head, hazy eyes looking down on his meaningful orbs. it’s not long before you crash your lips together in a desperate kiss, your spit drooling down his chin, his stubble grazing the smooth well cared surface of your face.

you sit down on his crotch and he abruptly breaks the kiss with a groan, but you’re quick to grab his face and pull him in an even more passionate open mouthed kiss, his hands find the swell of your ass and guide them so you’re now grinding on his growing bulge too.

the mutual need to breathe forces both of you to break the kiss. foreheads now touching together, heavy ragged breath mixing, the intimacy making you dizzy. but the high wears off sooner than you thought and you can’t help but hide your reddened face to his neck, not wanting him to see you blush, hands clutching him tight as he sits back up holding you properly.

“let’s go take a bath, i’m sweaty.”

you can only offer a weak nod, still too embarrassed of what you just did. he hoists you up to his shoulder and carries you to the bathroom.

it’s so warm. you’re sitting between his legs leaning to him, his strong arms on your stomach protectively, body radiating comforting warmth to yours, making the both of you completely relaxed.

you almost let yourself fall asleep if not that you remember about his gift. so you get up first, telling him to enjoy the bath a little longer and go sprint to your room.

you quickly dried your hair and put on a set of babydoll you’ve been keeping for this day. it’s a simple white see through babydoll with soft lace that hangs prettily on your supple thighs. you put on your sleep robe and go to his room with a deep green paperbag on your right hand.

it’s 11.30 pm.

the futon is laid and you’re sitting above it on your knees, your gift hidden behind your figure.

enji comes out of the bathroom already in his sleepwear, a black set of loose shirt and a matching pants. his hands are still busy trying to dry his own hair until he looks up at the sight of you and pauses.

you pat the spot next to you, signaling him to sit there. he walks up to you and sit crossed legged in front of you. he can see the rather big paperbag behind you but decided not to say anything.

“what is it ?”

you opened your mouth in attempt to answer him but was left with nothing, so you just shoved the paperbag and places it in on the little space between the two of you, encouraging him to open it. he’s still not getting it and looks at you with genuinely asking eyes, but you’re too stubborn to meet his eyes and just keep looking at the walls to your right, peach blush already forming again.

“it’s for you,” you brave yourself to look at him in the eyes and finally say it, “happy birthday, papa.”

enji felt like his brain short circuited. but you ushered him to open your gift before he could say anything. you watch as his big hands fully envelop the big green box inside, the one your clumsy hands almost dropped.

he opend the box and stares at it for a while. it’s a platinum rolex day-date 40 from it’s 2021 men collection.

“this is expensive,” was the first respond he let out.

“we-well, that’s why i’d been taking extra shifts,” you sheepishly rub the back of your head. enji’s strong gaze didn’t waver.

“you didn’t have to—“

“but i want to !” you cut him,

“it’s just—“

you grab the pillow behind you and hide your face in it, finding it hard to speak to him eye to eye like this. “i love you, and sometimes i can’t help my feelings, i just thought, this is what people do to their loved ones.. you know,” you explain in a voice growing smaller than before, almost completely muffled by the pillow.

he lets out a sigh before repacking his gift, putting it back inside the paperbag and placing it on his side. you’re getting nervous.. is he mad ? did he not like it ? were you pushing it ?

all your silent doubt dies down as he pulled you close to his chest.

“i love you too, thank you.”

his voice runs beautifully through your ear, the sensation going straight to your heart. you ease up and holds him back.

“um, papa,”

“hn”

“i still have another gift,”

he pulls back and looks at you with a raised brow. you better not have unnecessarily give up you rest just to buy him a ‘gift’, it translates. both your hands come out in front of you in a waving motion to dismiss his half true accusation, but you struggled so much trying to pull out the right words.. you just let out a bashful sigh and unties the knot in front of your outer, before letting the dense fabric hit the floor, revealing the pretty babydoll sitting pretty and proper accentuating your pretty pretty curves.

he stills.

“do-does it look weird..?”

he scans over you for a while but your embarrassment made you thought he was looking at you in a weird way.

your cheeks are heating up, eyes glued to your thighs before you hear a rustle and suddenly your back is against the futon with one arm pinned above your head by his weight, and your other one is in his, you look at you favorite set of eyes that matches yours and the blue sky, he presses your hand to the side of is face and land a deep kiss on the innerside of your wrist, leaning against it while staring back at you.

it was a good birthday.

happy birthday todoroki enji, 8.8.21

#papa!enji #endeavor #endeavor fluff #endeavor smut #endeavor angst #endeavor x reader #endeavor x reader fluff #endeavor x reader smutt #endeavor x reader angst #enji todoroki #enji todoroki fluff #enji todoroki smut #enji todoroki angst #enji todoroki x reader fluff #enji todoroki x reader angst #enji todoroki x reader smut #mha #bnha

261 notes · View notes

mickey-henry · 3 years

Text

𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐈 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝

pairing: bucky barnes (bookstore au) x reader

summary: eager to escape the heat, you find yourself in the presence of a mesmerizing bookstore and an irresistibly beautiful man.

word count: 2.3K

author’s note: hello! welcome to my third fic😊 I’m eager to share this with you all! I now have a taglist (the link is also in my bio) if you’re interested🥰 thank you to @certainaesthetic for helping me workshop this idea, @fuckandfluff for the grammar help, and @midnightf for hyping me up as I wrote it! likes, reblogs, messages, replies, and comments are cherished! the header images are from pinterest and the divider is from here. I hope you like it! 💖

You’re desperate to escape the smoldering heat. It’s too hot to rest in the car; it’s been baking all day beneath the sweltering summer sun, parked just outside your place of work. If you attempt to sit in it now, you’d only be greeted with a wave of torrid air, stung with the touch of your seatbelt, and burnt from the searing leather of your steering wheel.

You’re off from work earlier than usual—the blinding sun is usually long beneath the horizon before you head home for the day. The pathetically small sun visor does nothing to shade your eyes from the blazing sunlight. Rather than driving half-blind, you decide to wait out the setting sun.

As you ponder how to spend the rest of your afternoon, you realize that now is an opportune time to visit the new bookstore, The Book Haven, that opened last month. After changing out of your uniform and throwing your work stuff in the trunk, you walk across the plaza to the shop entrance.

The bookstore greets you with the chime of a bell and a rush of cool air as you step in, a blissful contrast to the scorching outdoors. The welcoming scent of coffee grounds and the tangy aroma of old books accompany the refreshing breeze. You take a deep breath, appreciating the convivial atmosphere. The bookstore is a sublime sight; words almost can’t describe its charm.

Shelves like skyscrapers—stuffed to the brim with books, magazines, and comics—graze the ceiling. An intimate reading nook lies next to the door; an inviting window seat dwells beside a floor-to-ceiling window. Clear mosaic window clings cover the glass, casting beautiful rainbows throughout the store. Stringed vintage light bulbs illuminate the shelves; candle-lit sconces adorn the top corners of each one. Oriental rugs lay between the shelves, covering a dark mocha floor. Tucked in the back of the store is a small coffee cranny, hidden at first glance. Frank Sinatra’s charming, rich vocals travel through the air, tickling your ears. The owner clearly put the utmost time, energy, and love into the creation of their shop. It is unequivocally perfect and already one of your favorite places.

You wander to the classics section, enthralled by the exquisite covers. Sensing someone nearby, your eyes glance at movement caught in the corner of your eye. Your stomach somersaults at the stunning stranger. The instant you lay your eyes on him, you forget to breathe for a moment—your breath engulfs your throat. You’re astounded by the Adonis of a man before you.

Bristles of scruff grace his defined jawline—his low man-bun neatly styles his dark chestnut hair. A grey short-sleeve button-up shirt hugs his toned arms; a white tank top clings to his lean, fit frame; cuffed slim-fit khaki pants, help up by a bronze braided belt, embrace his thick thighs; and weathered, chunky brown leather shoes don his feet.

Through the rose-colored glasses that surround your heart, your soul imagines a life with a perfect stranger. The hopeless romantic in you can’t help but steal glances, hoping to catch a better glimpse of him. The moment he turns to walk away, your heart sinks to your stomach. You hope this isn’t the last time you see this gorgeous man.

A few minutes later, you’re mulling over a collectible edition of The Catcher in the Rye, attempting to justify purchasing yet another copy of your favorite book. A melodic voice interrupts your pondering. “That’s a pretty edition of The Catcher in the Rye you’ve got there.”

You turn towards the charming voice. Lo-and-behold, it’s the love of your life: the handsome stranger you’ve mentally lived a lifetime with. His beauty is even more profound up close: now you can see that his eyes are a lovely shade of blue. His eyes, haunted by a subtle sadness, draw you in, unlike anything you’ve experienced before. You find yourself entranced in his sea-blue current; you could easily drown in his gaze. You attempt to hide your awestruck expression and converse with him like a normal human being. “I agree! I already own a copy though, do I really need a new one?”

“I think we both know the answer is always yes,” he assures.

“Okay, you’ve convinced me. I'll get it! Thank you for justifying my unnecessary purchase.”

Your words hang in the air, everything going quiet as you wait for the ravishing stranger to introduce himself. The two of you stare in silence at each other, the tension thickening as the seconds pass by. After a few moments, his face flashes in realization—you were waiting for his name.

“I’m Bucky,” he offers with an enchanting smile, extending his hand out to you. You share your name as the two of you shake hands. Your eyes stare down his veiny arm to his ring-studded fingers grasped around yours. You allow yourself to imagine for a few moments how amazing those fingers would feel tracing your arms, tangling your hair, and teasing your inner thigh. Your lustful reverie comes to an abrupt halt at the sight of the book nestled inside the crook of his elbow: The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, the bane of your existence. You scoff with furrowed brows; of course, Mr. Handsome Stranger would be interested in the one book you despise.

“Got something to say there, sweetheart?” he questions with an amused grin.

“Out of all the classic novels in this entire store, that’s the one you chose? The Metamorphosis?”

“What’s wrong with this one?” he jives.

You pause for a second, debating whether it’s worth it to argue with a stranger. The pondering lasts only a few seconds; the exhaustion from your day disintegrates your filter. Besides, you loathe The Metamorphosis.

“What isn’t wrong with it? The dude wakes up thinking he’s an insect? The reader has to sit there throughout the entire book, wondering whether he’s a man or a bug? What the actual fuck? I didn’t appreciate the existential crisis that book gave me at fifteen; if I can help someone else avoid the suffering caused by that monstrosity, I'm going to do my part,” you huff, unamused by the joy Bucky seems to gain from your zealous analysis.

“Wow, what a passionate review! Perez Hilton would be envious of your slander. Okay then, what classic would you recommend instead?”

You cross your arms, expecting him to challenge your response. “The Importance of Being Earnest by Oscar Wilde.”

“That’s a play,” he counters.

“It’s published as a book; it counts! It’s witty, playful, and has a happy ending, which is the most important point of all. It also doesn’t make you want to pull a Fahrenheit 451 and burn every copy in existence,” you attest.

He steps closer to you, tucking loose strands of his hair behind his ear. “Life doesn’t always have a happy ending, sweetheart.”

Great, there he goes again with that freaking pet name; it’s going to be the death of you. He knows your name, you just gave it to him, yet here he is, infuriatingly insisting on calling you sweetheart instead. Stupid pretty boy with his ocean blue eyes and amorous smile.

“That’s exactly the point,” you sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “So, why would I want to read something that doesn’t end well? If I’m going to escape this reality for a while, it better be for a happier one.”

“And if it's not?”

“Then I’ll throw the book across the room and make up my own happy ending!”

“Ooh, aggressive,” he tuts. “The owner of this place might not be too happy with you if you’re throwing books all over the place; it’ll scare away the customers.”

“Then it’s a good thing the owner isn’t here,” you interject confidently, knowing full well you have no idea who the owner is.

“Well, that just isn’t true, sweetheart. You’re looking right at him.”

He’s lying—he has to be. Why would a dreamboat like Bucky own a bookstore?

You scoff, “you’re not the owner of this place.”

“I’m not? What makes you say that?” he banters.

“People like you don’t own bookstores!” you exclaim.

“People like me?” he goads, cocking his head to the side. The action erupts butterflies in your stomach.

“Attractive people!” you groan.

“So you think I’m attractive?” he plays, stepping to close the gap between you.

“Psh, no, you wish,” you muster. The heat spreading across your cheeks betrays your bluff.

There are mere inches between the both of you now; you hope he can’t hear your racing heartbeat. You watch his eyes go down from yours to your mouth and back up again. He eyes you with a smirk, his teeth playfully tugging his bottom lip. It takes everything in your power not to give in to his spell.

“I’ve known you for what, five minutes? I don’t go around kissing strangers, Bucky,” you falter, taking a step back from his closeness.

“Then let’s not be strangers, sweetheart. Grab a coffee with me; I know a nice place, not far from here,” he flirts, gesturing to the counter at the back of the store.

“Let me learn more about what goes on in that pretty little head of yours,” he purrs, his breath tickling your cheek.

“Okay, fine. I’ll have a coffee with you,” you surrender.

A bright, honeyed smile dons his face.

“It better be good, though. Not the stale crap you usually get in the middle of the afternoon.”

“I’d only give you the best, sweetheart,” he winks, extending his right hand. You take it; he gives you a soft squeeze before weaving you through the towering shelves.

Your discussion continues with another passionate book review as he prepares your drink. He’s a sucker for gritty dystopian novels while you gravitate towards sappy romances. He shares his passion for painting as he guides you to the reading nook. The artwork hung on the edges of the bookcases is crafted by him—a detail you hadn’t noticed at first glance. His stunning work features both landscapes and people. He loves to sit in a picturesque landscape and paint for endless hours. Occasionally, he takes his old polaroid as he explores the town, snapping moments between strangers, translating their intimacy to canvas when he gets home.

He gestures for you to take a seat in the reading nook before handing you our steaming cup of joe. You sit with your legs crossed, your hands hugging the mug in your lap. Bucky sits with his leg draped over the side of the bench, his left foot pressing into his right thigh. The conversation shifts topics; the two of you divulge your desires and unfulfilled ambitions. You aren’t sure if it’s the look in his eyes, the sweet cup of joe in your palms, or the aroma of coffee surrounding you, but in his presence, your senses feel wide awake.

Before you know it, the mesmeric moon replaces the sizzling sun, melting away the blistering heat, and the steaming cup of coffee in your hands has long chilled. Bucky’s employee interrupts the blissful rendezvous, informing him that all the closing duties are complete, and he’s headed home for the night.

You stare at your watch in shock—it's five past nine. Where did the time go? You apologize profusely to the poor kid who had to close up alone; he assures you it’s no problem.

A melancholic pit in your stomach forms as you turn back to Bucky. He’s nestled himself into your soul; you don’t want to say farewell to him so soon. He has a sad glint in his eyes; you hope it’s because he’s also dreading the end of this perfect night.

“Can I walk you to your car?” he asks timidly, his earlier suave demeanor gone from his voice. He stands up in front of you, offering his arm to escort you.

“I’d love that,” you reply with a shy grin, grabbing his arm and hugging it tightly.

In the blink of an eye, you’re in front of your car. You let go of his arm and lean against the trunk. You stare into his eyes, hoping that he can see without the use of words how much you don’t want this moment to end. There’s a few moments of painful silence before Bucky clears his throat.

“So, now that we’re not total strangers, how about that kiss?” he flirts with pleading eyes.

“Okay,” you reply with a bashful smile.

He slowly reaches his hand towards your cheek, softly stroking it with his thumb. He presses his forehead against yours. “Are you sure you want to do this? ‘Cause if we do, you might not be able to get rid of me, sweetheart.”

“Yes I do, Bucky,” you giggle.

He grins as he gently presses his pillowy pink lips on yours. The kiss steals all the air from your lungs—his touch sends tingles throughout your body, electrifying your veins. You’re breathless when your lips finally part.

“Let me get your number before I let you go,” Bucky insists. You nod and hand him your phone, unable to form a coherent thought. The ghost of his lips and fingers trace your figure. You’re barely acquainted with his tender touch, yet you feel naked without it, yearning to once again be within his grasp.

You exchange phones—adding your number and name with a sparkling heart emoji and swiftly passing his phone back before you can change your mind. Bucky snaps a quick selfie for his contact, smirking for the camera. You grin when you see he also put emojis by his name: a beetle and a kissy-face.

He pecks your cheek before opening the car door for you. “Hope to see you around, lovebug.” The new pet name burns your cheeks and erupts butterflies in your stomach.

He doesn’t leave the parking lot until your car disappears completely from his view.

You drive home with thoughts of Bucky swirling in your mind. You send a silent thanks to the universe for bringing this beautiful man into your life. His voice, touch, and smile echo in your thoughts for the remainder of the evening—his presence paving its way through your dreams. You’re falling hard and fast; you only hope he’ll be there to catch you.

tagging a few mutuals who expressed interest in this story🥰please fill out the taglist form if you’d like to be tagged in the next story! 💖

@ritesofreverie @midnightf @certainaesthetic

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x you #bucky x reader #bucky barnes one shot #bucky barnes imagines #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes #mickey-henry #my fic: you're the best book I ever read #mel's writing

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pennyl4n3 · 3 years

Text

The Pool

*Taking a deep breath*

Well well well, this is my first fanfic (or should I say second or third? Btw, this one came to a conclusion) and I've never been much into writing, but Duskwood and all of you fantastic people in the fandom here brought me to this. I hope you like it, and of course I look forward to your comments and feedback.

Pairing: Jake x MC

Contents: Angst, Sadness, Fluff, Romance

It had been three months since his last contact with her. He'd had to disappear from the radar, the government breathing down his neck. Every day he fought the urge to write to her; he couldn't risk putting her in danger. He couldn't even risk reading her conversations at the moment, so he was as blind as she was.

He didn't know where she was, if she was okay, if she was mad at him, though after all this time he imagined she was. The last time they had written to each other she was in Duskwood and he had every intention of finally catching up with her. Things hadn't gone as planned unfortunately, and the deal he was trying to make with the government had fallen through, forcing him to become a fugitive again.

He was exhausted, he was free and yet he felt imprisoned in an endless loop. Ever since he had met her he had realized how heavy his condition was to bear, how much he missed talking to someone in person, how much he longed to get out without having to disguise himself. He wanted to move, to run, to be outside, and above all else he wanted to run to her, and hold her, look into her eyes, tell her in his voice how much he missed her.

While he was lost in these thoughts he scrolled through their last conversations, rereading every word and every comma. At one point he found the conversation in which they had talked about one of MC's great passions, swimming. He barely knew how to float, he had never had a chance to learn it as a child, and on that occasion he had promised himself he would try it someday. MC had told him about a public pool in her hometown that was easy to get into at night through a gate with a broken lock. She had gone there many times, when she needed to relieve her nerves and to be alone. Suddenly Jake felt the urge to see that pool, and set about finding it. Amazingly it was a couple of blocks from where he was hiding, the next step was to check the security cams near the building and along the way. He could do it without too much difficulty, and he really needed to get some air and some purpose, so he slipped on his sweatshirt, pulled on his hood and mask, and set off.

He arrived within minutes, constantly looking around. The streets were practically empty, but caution was never too much. The pool was a low building, all on one level. Mentally following MC's directions he managed to find the little gate, behind some bushes. It was still broken, unbelievable. Curiosity was stronger than him and he continued towards the entrance. His footsteps echoed in the hall, as he went down the few steps that led directly to the pool floor, the smell of chlorine filled his nostrils. Even though it was night he could see almost all of the interior well, thanks to the huge windows that almost reached the ceiling and let in the illumination of the street lamps, just as MC had told him.

He sat on the steps and stayed there for a while, lost in his imagination, even though he had never seen MC, enjoying that moment of peace, and trying to imagine her doing something that made her feel good...

A noise outside startled him, he ran off the steps and flattened himself against the wall. He waited in silence, his nerves on edge, his heart in his throat, his eye searching for possible alternatives escape routes. another metallic noise, and the angry meows of two cats fighting each other. Jake breathed a sigh of relief but waited vigilantly for a while longer before heading for the exit with shaking legs. When he returned to his shelter, he promised himself he would never try it again, but that was not to be. He returned there two more nights, until he decided to get a swimsuit and try swimming.

And so Jake found himself inside the pool, scared and unsure at first, but after a few minutes he began to feel the benefit of being in the water, the lightness provided by its support. He knew it wouldn't last long, but he continued to go there as many nights as he could. He would return to his hut tired but satisfied, and he could even get a decent night's sleep.

One evening he was trying to swim as usual when he heard a female voice saying jokingly, "well, I thought I was the only one who knew this place, but apparently not." Jake froze, almost having a heart attack. He was in the water, there was no way to escape. He drew a deep breath, thinking that it was anyway dark enough, and that his features weren't clearly visible, and decided to try not to look too suspicious. "Yeah, apparently not" he replied, trying to keep his voice from shaking. The girl smiled, or so it seemed to him, and continued, "I guess you like to be here alone, just like I usually do, but I could really use a swim tonight. I'll go in the back lane, I swear I won't bother you. Is that okay?" "O-oh yeah, yeah, go ahead," Jake mumbled, trying to hide his face as much as possible, and stood watching her as she made her way to the other side of the pool, still shocked that there was another human being in the same room as him. He realized that he was staring in her direction, and decided to start swimming again. After a while he stopped, out of breath and with tired arms, and saw that the girl instead was still swimming, at a brisk pace, and giving no sign of wanting to stop. He got out of the water and sat on the steps, wrapped in his towel, trying to catch his breath. Watching her was hypnotic, she moved with fluid movements, slow and steady. He wondered if MC swam like that too. How he wished he could have written to her to tell her he was swimming, or at least trying to, and to thank her for letting him discover this wonderful new experience as well. Since he had met her, his life had taken on a new light, where before only greyness and despair reigned.

His phone made a sound, bringing him back to reality. It was time to go home. He dressed quickly and headed for the exit, he didn't want to interrupt the girl's concentration, and he didn't intend to introduce himself, so better that way. Once back at the shelter he went back to work on his laptop, while eating a sandwich. Concentration continued to leave him that night, however, as the encounter with the stranger had brought him back to MC in a big way.

He returned to the pool the next evening, yearning to tire himself out and find some peace of mind. Once he got to the door he heard the sound of water coming from inside, he carefully pushed his way across the threshold, trying to figure out who was there and was relieved to see that it was again the girl he met the night before. He walked over to his side of the pool and removed his clothes as he cast furtive glances at her. He dove into the water and began to swim, trying to focus on his breathing, which was the part he struggled with the most. When he emerged with bated breath, he saw the girl standing at the edge of the pool and winced. "Hi, I didn't mean to scare you. I've been watching you swim and I thought I could give you a few tips, if you don't mind" Jake was so amazed and scared that for a few seconds he could only stare at her with his mouth open. "I-I...I don't.... " she giggled softly and shrugged her shoulders "Ok, look, I didn't mean to embarrass you...I'm going back to my lane. If you want it you know you can ask it okay?" And she turned to go back to her lane. "Wait. Yes, please I will gladly accept your help." Jake said. She retraced her steps and squatted down beside the edge of the pool with a smile on her face. "So, first let's start with your upper body, I've noticed that you move it a lot between strokes and that wastes your energy and breath. Try to stand up straighter, your arms and legs do most of the work. Then, every time you pull your arm forward, you can inhale if you feel the need to, and slowly you'll find yourself pulling two strokes, then three, and so on, but don't be in a hurry. If you take care of your technique well, managing your breath will already be easier." Jake was focused on her words and nodded, before turning around and trying again. Following her advice actually felt like he was already doing better. A wave of satisfaction ran through him when he managed to do his usual laps without getting breathless. He emerged smiling and sat on the edge of the pool. She was still there and looked at him approvingly, then asked "Better now, isn't it? "Yes, thank you very much." He answered. "Thanks to you, I'm just back in town but I'm not having much contact with the rest of the world, helping you was a pleasure" "I... I understand, I didn't have much contact lately either". A slightly embarrassed silence fell between them. It was Jake's phone that broke it, by emitting an alarm tone. Jake got up quickly and headed for his bagpack. "I, uh, have to go now, thanks again for your help." She looked at him briefly, nodded, and stepped back. "Oh, yeah, sure, no problem. Well, good night then" and walked back to the pool. "Good night" he replied, and as soon as she turned around, he changed his wet swimsuit with dry clothes and headed quickly to the exit.

As he walked down the street, he wondered if he wasn't risking too much by going to the pool regularly, and by confiding in that unknown girl. He then decided that it would be better to avoid it for a while, even if it was with great regret.

Jake avoided the pool for a few days, but eventually decided to go back. He couldn't wait to get there. As he walked the short distance between his hiding place and the pool, he mentally savored the feel of the water, the smell of the chlorine, the relaxation it gave him to swim until his muscles ached. As always, he sneaked up on the hidden entrance, his senses all out to catch any suspicious movements or noises. That evening, however, he heard no suspicious noises as he entered the large room with the tanks, but a soft sobbing. He listened for a while, trying to distinguish where the crying was coming from. When he spotted the silhouette of the mysterious girl on the steps he felt a tug at his heart, and could not help but go near her.

"Hey, is everything okay?" he said softly.

She looked up with a jolt, and when she recognized him she answered a little annoyed: "What do you think? No, everything is not okay." She immediately realized she had been abrupt, and added in a tone of apology, clutching her knees to her chest: "Sorry, I didn't think you would come, I haven't seen you here in a while and you caught me off guard..." "It's okay, no need to apologize. I guess I interrupted an intimate moment of yours. It's just that hearing you cry made me worried somehow." He replied to her as he blushed, realizing what he had just said. "I-I meant...well I mean, sorry if I m-maybe I embarrassed you, I should probably go and..." hinting back. "No, wait. Please stay. If it's not a problem for you of course. I don't really feel like being alone anymore." she said as she reached out a hand towards him and motioned for him to sit beside her. Jake was tense, the last thing he had expected that night was to find himself consoling the mysterious girl, but he certainly couldn't leave her there alone, she had always been very kind to him and he was sincerely sorry to see her sad. He exhaled a deep breath and went to sit next to her as he pulled a handkerchief from a pocket of his backpack and handed it to her. "Thank you," she said with a smile, "I really appreciate it." For a while an awkward silence descended, during which they both stared at their hands. Suddenly she blurted out "You know, I'm worried about someone, that's why I was crying. I haven't heard from him in a while and I don't know what to think. I'm trying to move on, I promised him, and really, I'm trying so hard, but some days the weight of his absence is so hard to bear that I can barely get out of bed. Whatever I do the thought of him is with me. This is the only place I can find some peace, because swimming empties my mind b-but t-tonight..." her eyes glazed over again as she swallowed, trying to push back the tears. He had listened to her in silence until that moment, respecting her moment of venting, but when he realized she was about to cry again he felt he had to do something, so he passed his left arm behind her back and pulled her to him, gently holding her in an embrace. "I-I can understand it, you know? I promised one person I would move on too. But it's so hard. I want to call her, I want to write her, I want to know how she is doing, where she is...but every day I forbid myself to do that. And I know I owe it to her, because she doesn't deserve to keep feeling bad because of me and my mistakes and..." his voice faded away, as he realized that he was risking to say things he shouldn't have said, he recovered quickly trying to cut it short and not to let the tremor in his voice be heard "...and I understand you, that's it. I miss her so much too."

As they stood in silence, his heart running fast in his chest and he desperately looking for something else to say, he felt her draw back into his embrace and sigh. It felt good to have her in his arms, and feeling her calming down warmed his heart. It had been so long since Jake had touched anyone, not really talked to anyone, hardly remembered what it was like. A little later she said softly, "Thank you. For sharing a little piece of you with me. You don't need to talk about it if you don't feel like it, I understand. It's... " she stopped thoughtfully, "Complicated" finished Jake. "Yes, yes exactly! It's damn complicated. But knowing that someone can understand me makes me feel better." then she turned to him and drew a deep breath, then added, "Well, how about a swim? After all, this is what we both came for." Jake nodded and removed his arm from her shoulders. "Yeah, I guess you're right." He got up from the steps and walked over to the usual little corner where he used to change his clothes, while she headed to her pool lane and dove in. Once he slipped into his swimsuit, Jake entered cautiously, still pensive from that brief but intense exchange of confessions.

He slowly dived down to the bottom and stayed there for a while, still immersed in his thoughts. He had to stop those nightly outings. They were already dangerous in themselves, and now this unknown girl had been added, making him talk too freely. All of his inner alarms were telling him it was time to stop, and it was also time to change hiding places again, even though being so close to a place in MC's heart made him feel closer to her.

A movement to the side of his field of vision brought him out of his thoughts, and out of the pool as well. When he got to his feet he ran a hand over his eyes and pulled his hair back so he could see better, turning to face the source of the movement. He saw her in the aisle next to where he stood, staring at him. "A-are you ok?" said him in an uncertain voice. She giggled and replied, "I was going to ask you the same thing, you weren't coming up out of the water anymore." "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I scared you, I was just... well, reflecting." he replied. She stared at him intently, looking at his black hair, stuck to the sides of his face, and said tilting her head "It's weird you know? You remind me so much of him, the way you behave somehow, I can't actually explain it". Jake blushed and swallowed hard. "I'll take it as a compliment" he replied, and stepped out of the water. "I have to get back. I hope you feel better now." continued, while heading to the bag of dry clothes. She stood staring at him, wondering if she had made him uncomfortable with that confession. When she realised he was about to undress she turned around, blushing. She waited for a while and then sat down on the edge of the bath and said with a smile, "Yes, I'm feeling better, thanks to you. Good night, stranger."

When he arrived to the hut, something alarmed him: some of the boards near the entrance were placed differently than he had left them. He quickly stepped into the shadows and took out his phone to check inside. Two men were sitting at his usual spot, peering at the screens. Jake was quick to slip back downstairs and to reach out his hiding place number two, three doors down. As soon as he was seated, he took his phone out of his jeans pocket and started the hidden cameras. The two men didn't seem to have any idea what they were looking at, and they didn't look like officers either, to be honest. Maybe two thieves? But what kind of thieves would break into an old warehouse with the windows covered by boards? What did they expect to find there? He carefully examined the video images from the cameras he had placed around the rest of the perimeter of the building and saw a couple of policemen in the back. "Fuck!" he whispered through his teeth. He prepared to format everything in the hiding place and stood vigilantly by, watching them alternately. The two intruders were probably hiding from the cops, and risked exposing him. He noticed that there was a car shop next door and decided to create a diversion. He quickly managed to hack into the shop's security system and set it to go off, so that the cops could be sent away. He then logged on to his workstation and simply brought up Nymos, some glitches and the words "intruders detected, defensive protocol activated" on the screens. It was more than enough to send the two of them running for the hills.

He sighed with relief, letting himself down on the makeshift mattress behind him. He stayed like that for a while as he listened to his heartbeat return to a normal rhythm, his adrenaline slowly subsiding, his breathing becoming regular. His stomach rumbled, so he reached into his bag and pulled out an energy bar. After an hour or so, he locked the entrance to the main hideout and went back the way he'd come: better stay there for the night. As he settled in for the night, streams of thoughts came over him. He realised that the idea of leaving MC hometown made him feel lost, even though she wasn't there, and it wasn't even certain that she would return. Still, he knew he had to leave, that evening's mishap was another proof of that. There wasn't much to think about really, he had to move again, maybe he'd come back later. He thought of the girl at the pool, of her pain, so familiar. How was it possible that love could always bring so much suffering? He drifted off to sleep with those thoughts in his head, and woke up restless.

The next morning Jake was almost done packing up all of his belongings and ready to go. He wondered if once he was settled into his new hiding place, he would find another pool where he could train undisturbed, so he set about identifying all the potential candidates. How he wished he could have told MC about this! As he scanned the pools and studied their surroundings it occurred to him that he could write her using a disposable phone before leaving. His hands began to shake at the mere thought of being able to write her again. Would she be happy to read it? Maybe she was angry with him. In their last conversation she had told him to at least let her know if he was alive as soon as he could. Before he could think about it too much longer, he stormed out of the room and headed for the first open store. Once he retrieved the disposable phone he went back to the spare hut and slipped into it with all his things. He turned on the phone and prepared it for use.

*??? is online*

Jake:Hello, MC.

Shortly after came the reply

*** MC is online ***

MC:Jake! Are you okay?

Jake:Yes MC, I'm fine. I apologize for not letting you hear from me again, it was too dangerous.

MC:That's okay, I'm so glad to read you now, I kept telling myself that you were definitely fine and that I shouldn't have written you, as promised

Jake felt his palms sweat.

Jake:You know, I've been going swimming lately. At night, on the sly. Your enthusiasm about it convinced me. You were so right MC, it can empty your mind. I wanted so hard to thank you for that.

MC:I went swimming recently too, at night, it kept me from going crazy. Maybe we swam at the same time

Jake: :)

Jake:And do you know where I was? The place you told me about. It was like I felt closer to you

MC squinted her eyes

MC:Jake... you don't mean that place with big windows almost to the ceiling,do you?

Jake:Yes, exactly that.

MC bursted in laugh and shaked her head in disbelief.

MC:And you didn't happen to meet someone? Like a really nice, kind girl who gave you lessons?

Jake felt his knees buckle and had to lean against the wall to keep from falling.

Jake:You...

Jake:Was that you?

Butterflies were spreading through his stomach.

MC:So you hugged me the other night! I was crying just for you, and you were there, this is crazy!

MC:Where are you now?

His eyes widened.

Jake:MC me, I was going to leave the town, last night I found intruders in my shelter, it's not safe for me to be here anymore.

For a time that seemed eternal to him there was no sign of life on the other end of the phone.

Jake:MC...

MC:Don't you dare

MC:Don't you dare leaving again. You've been staying here for days, and even allowed yourself to go out almost every night, and you never wrote me anything. Now that we might meet you're starting this again.

MC:We met by accident Jake! Does that seem normal to you???

MC:I'll be waiting there tonight, you better come

***MC is offline***

Jake stared at the phone bewildered. He was terrified. He couldn't believe he had hugged MC the night before. And she was crying, because of him. She was right, he couldn't leave again.

That night he went to the pool, almost running. He sneaked up on the hidden entrance, holding his breath, and went to sit on the steps where he usually rested his backpack. A short time later he saw her walk in and head towards him. It seemed to him that his heart was about to explode. He stood up and walked over to her. They both found themselves running to cover the final distance that separated them. They hugged each other tightly, and stayed that way, without speaking for who knows how long. Neither of them wanted to untie the embrace, as if to do so meant to lose themselves again.

At the end MC pulled back a little to look him in the eyes, and said, "I was beginning to think this moment would never come" "And instead we found each other without even knowing it" he replied chuckling. She blushed and rose on tiptoe to give him a light kiss on the lips.

"Shall we go for a swim?" she told him with a mischievous grin. "Sure. I've been taking lessons" he replied as he began to undress.

#everbyte studios #duskwood game #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake x mc #duskwood music #duskwood everbyte #duskwood #duskwood jake x player #duskwood fanfic

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wisdomrays · 3 years

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QUESTIONS & ANSWERS: Are Muslims Guilty of Imperialism?

This charge continues to be leveled against the Muslim world. I would like to counter it by asking the following questions:

Given the existing circumstances of 1,400 years ago, how would any one living in Makka or Madina go about exploiting his own clan and tribe? If the supposedly exploited lands and people were those of the Hijaz, which were poor, unfruitful, and barren, who would have wished to invade or exploit them? It is ludicrous to level the charge of imperialist colonialism against the most noble-minded Muslims, who risked their lives to spread the message of Islam; who spent the greater part of their lives far from their children, families, homes, and native lands fighting armies ten or twenty times their size; and who felt deeply grieved when they did not die on the battlefield and join the earlier martyrs for Islam. We ask ourselves what worldly gain they obtained in return for such struggle, deprivation, and sacrifice!

Those who invaded, occupied, and exploited others with the worst intentions (and results) of imperialism are power-hungry individuals or nations. To mention a few: Alexander the "Great" and Napoleon, the Roman empire and Nazi Germany, the Mongol armies unleashed by Genghis Khan and the colonizing armies unleashed by western Europe, Russian dictatorship (whether czarist or communist) and the American empire (whether "manifest destiny" or "making the world safe for democracy"). Wherever such conquests came and went, they corrupted the morality of the conquerors and the conquered, causing chaos, conflict, tears, bloodshed, and devastation. Today their heirs, like bold thieves who bluff property owners to conceal their theft of that very property, turn to besmirching Islam, its Prophet, and his Companions.

True Muslims have never sought to exploit others. Nor have they let others do so where Muslim government had jurisdiction. At a time when Muslim armies were running from triumph to triumph, Caliph 'Umar said: "What befits me is to live at the level of the poorest Muslims," and he really did so. As he took only a few olives a day for his own sustenance, who was he exploiting?

After one battle, when a Muslim was asked to take the belongings of an enemy soldier whom he had fought and killed, he said: "I did not participate in the battle to take spoils." Pointing to his throat, he continued: "What I seek is an arrow here and to fall as a martyr." (His wish was granted.) While burning with the desire for martyrdom, who was he exploiting?

In another battle, a Muslim soldier fought and killed a leading enemy who had killed many Muslims. The Muslim commander saw him pass by his dead enemy. The commander went to the head of the dead soldier and asked who had killed him. The Muslim did not want to reply, but the commander called him back in the name of God. The Muslim felt himself obliged to do so, but concealed his face with a piece of cloth. The following conversation took place:

-Did you kill him for the sake of God?

-Yes.

-All right. But take this 1,000 dinar piece.

-But I did it for the sake of God!

-What is your name?

-What is my name to you? Perhaps you will tell this to everyone and cause me to lose the reward for this in the afterlife.

How could such people exploit others and establish colonies all over the world? To speak frankly, those who hate Islam and Muslims are blind to the historical truth of how Islam spread.

Let's look at what exploitation and imperialism are. Imperialism or colonization is a system of rule by which a rich and a powerful country controls other countries, their trade and policies, to enrich itself and gain more power at the other's expense. There are many kinds of exploitation. In today's world, they may take the following forms:

• Absolute sovereignty by dispossessing indigenous people in order to establish the invader's direct rule and sovereignty. Examples are western Europe's conquest of North and South America, as well as Australia and New Zealand, as well as the Zionists' conquest of Palestine.

• Military occupation so that the invaders can control the conquered nation's land and resources. One example is British colonial rule in India.

• Open or secret interference and intervention in a country's internal and foreign affairs, economy, and defense. Examples are those Third World countries who are manipulated and controlled by various developed countries.

• The transfer of intellectuals, which is currently the most common and dangerous type of imperialism. Young, intelligent, and gifted people of the countries to be exploited are chosen, given stipends, and educated abroad. There they are introduced to and made members of different groups. When they return to their country, they are given influential administrative and other posts so that they can influence their country's destiny. When native or foreign people linked to exploiters abroad are placed in crucial positions in the state mechanism, the country is conquered from inside. This immensely successful technique has enabled Western imperialists to achieve many of their goals smoothly and without overtly rousing the enmity of the people they wish to subjugate. Today, the Muslim world is caught in this trap and thus continues to suffer exploitation and abuse.

Whatever kind of imperialism they are subjected to, countries suffer a number of consequences:

• Various methods of assimilation alienate people from their own values, culture, and history. As a result, they suffer crises of identity and purpose, do not know their own past, and cannot freely imagine their own future.

• Any enthusiasm, effort, and zeal to support and develop their country is quenched. Industry is rendered dependent upon the (former) imperial masters, science and knowledge are not allowed to become productive and primary, and imitation is established firmly so that freedom of study and new research will gain no foothold.

• People remain in limbo, totally dependent upon foreigners. They are silenced and deluded by such empty phrases as progress, Westernization, civilization, and the like.

• All state institutions are penetrated by foreign aid, which is in reality no more than massive financial and cultural debt. Imports, exports, and development are wholly controlled by or conducted according to the exploiter's interests.

• While no effort is spared to keep the masses in poverty, the ruling classes become used to extravagant spending and luxury. The resulting communal dissatisfaction causes people to fight with each other, making them even more vulnerable to outside influence and intervention.

• Mental and spiritual activity is stifled, and so educational institutions tend to imitate foreign ways, ideas, and subjects. Industry is reduced to assembling prefabricated parts. The army tends to become a dumping ground for imperialist countries, for its purchases of expensive hardware ensure the continued well-being of the latter's industries.

We wonder if it is really rational to liken the Islamic conquest to imperialism, which brought disastrous consequences wherever it went.

The victory of Muslim armies never caused a great exodus of people from their homes and countries, nor has it prevented people from working by putting chains on their hands and feet. Muslims left the indigenous people free to follow their own way and beliefs, and protected them in exactly the same way it protected Muslims. Muslim governors and rulers were loved and respected for their justice and integrity. Equality, peace, and security were established between different communities.

If it had been otherwise, would the Christians of Damascus have gathered in their church and prayed for a Muslim victory against Christian Byzantium, which was seeking to regain control of the city? If Muslims had not been so respectful of non-Muslims' rights, could they have maintained security for centuries in a state so vast that it took more than 6 months to travel from one end to another?

One cannot help but admire those Muslim rulers and the dynamic energy that made them so, when we compare them to present-day rulers. Despite every modern means of transportation, telecommunications, and military back-up, they cannot maintain peace and security in even a small area of land.

Today, many scholars and intellectuals who realize the value of Islam's dynamics, which brought about Islam's global sovereignty and which will form the basis of our eternal existence in the Hereafter, expressly tell us that Muslims should reconsider and regain them. While conquering lands, the Muslims also were conquering their inhabitants' hearts. They were received with love, respect, and obedience. No people who accepted Islam ever complained that they were culturally prevented or ruined by the arrival of Muslims. The contrast with the reality of Christian Europe's conquests is stark and obvious.

Early Muslims evaluated the potential of knowledge and art in the conquered lands. They prepared and provided every opportunity for local scholars and scientists to pursue their work. Regardless of their religion, Muslims held the people in high regard and honored them in the community. They never did what the descendants of the British colonialists in America did to the American Indians or in Australia to the Aborigines, the French to the Algerians, or the Dutch to the Indonesians. On the contrary, they treated the conquered people as if they were from their own people and religion, as if they were brothers and sisters.

Caliph 'Umar once told a Coptic Egyptian who had been beaten by a Makkan noble to beat him just as he had been beaten. When 'Umar heard that 'Amr ibn al-'As had hurt the feelings of a native Egyptian, he rebuked him: "Human beings were born free. Why do you enslave them?" As he went to receive the keys to Masjid al-Aqsa, 'Umar visited and talked to priests in different churches in Palestine. Once he was in a church when it was time to pray. The priest repeatedly asked him to pray inside the church, but 'Umar refused, saying: "You may be harassed by other Christians later on because you let me pray in the church." He left the church's premises and prayed outside on the ground.

These are but a few examples to indicate how Muslims were sensitive, tolerant, just, and humane toward other people. Such an attitude of genuine tolerance has not been reached by any other people or society.

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dreamescapeswriting · 3 years

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A Night To Remember ~ Bang Chan [Request]

WORD COUNT: 6.7K

GENRE: Angst with a happy ending

PAIRING: Bang Chan x Nurse!Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: Mentions of self deprecation, I hope this is okay I know you asked for an idol to say something but bissshhhh I’m a jyp nation stan I would rip my own heart out, so I hope this is okay!!!

As a nurse, you were used to going to different gala events occasionally throughout the year. It was one thing medical school hadn't prepared you for, meeting everyone that technically paid your wages. Your boss would throw them so that the benefactors of the hospital that you worked in could get to know the people their money was going to. The hospital also through functions in order to raise money for other things benefactors couldn't help with. None of the events you'd been to was as extravagant as the gala that JYP was hosting for a charity event but it was still a gala nonetheless. The gala was there to raise money for different charities, people could bid on different things like a night with different Idols. A song was written by a specific idol if they bid high enough on it and so on and so forth. Chan had told you about this event months ago wanting to mentally prepare you for the night and allow you to get a dress in time and he was excited about it as well. When he was a trainee he'd helped out at the Gala's before but he'd never gotten to attend one until now which made you all the more nervous about what you looked like since you were his plus one.

"Are you sure this is okay?" You asked your best friend - Kayla - through the webcam as you ran your hands down the fabric of your dress waiting anxiously for her opinion, she'd been with you when you bought it but it didn't mean she liked it. The dress was perfect for this kind of event but that didn't make you feel any less insecure about it all, you were going to be surrounded by insanely beautiful people. All of them prettier than the next, not to mention how fit they were so it was safe to say you felt like you were going to stick out like a sore thumb. Your friend shook her head at you taking in the sight of the light sky blue tulle, v-neck gown with its A-line silhouette dress, it was breathtaking to see you in it again. The sleeveless dress showing off your arms perfectly and the applique embellishment made it look fancy but not too fancy.

"Y/n I told you when you bought it how nice it was-" You cut her off as soon as she said the word nice, to you that meant it wasn't nice at all.

"Yes! Nice! I don't want nice, I have to look great. C-Chan is going to be surrounded by all of these beautiful people and if I don't match up I'm going to-" You stopped talking when you heard the front door to your apartment open and close followed by the sounds of Chan coming in from work. Kayla smirked as soon as she saw the look on your face, she knew that meant Chan was home and he hadn't seen what you were wearing yet so you had to prepare yourself for it.

"Go, you look fabulous." She ushered you off the call as she shook her head at you before hanging up. No matter what she said to you she knew there was nothing she could say to make you feel less insecure about it.

"Chris?" You called out down the stairs as you heard him moving around, probably putting everything from work away before coming up to you. You were looking around the corner of the stairs as you hid your body so he couldn't see you,

"Yeah?" His head peered around the corner of the staircase and you smiled at him happily. It felt good to see his big eye staring back at you after not seeing him all day. As soon as he saw the way you were hiding your body he knew what you were doing and chuckled to himself softly,

"Are you in the dress? The dress you've been hiding from me for the last month and a half?" He smirked as soon as he saw you nodding your head and practically began to sprint up the staircase to come and see you. He'd been dying to see you in it since the moment you told him you found the perfect outfit you squealed hiding in the bedroom again. The main reason you'd hidden the dress from Chan was that you wanted it to be a surprise for him to see on the night that and you were nervous about what he would think of it. The bedroom door swung open and Chan stood there for a second just taking in the sight of you.

"Babe..." He breathed out as soon as he saw you standing there, you were doing your best to look as good as possible since you weren't dolled up yet or had the finished look on.

"I-I'm not finished yet, I still have to put on my makeup and do my hair but then I'll be ready by the time you are." You reassured him as you did a small turn in the dress giving him a full look at the dress. Chan's mouth was hanging open just a little as he continued to take in every angle of the dress you were wearing, struggling to find the right words to say as he stared at you. For someone who often wrote songs, he was finding it hard to speak at the minute which made you more nervous about his thoughts on it all.

"G-Go shower," You giggled as he continued to stare, you pushed him into the bathroom before sitting down at the vanity in your shared bedroom staring at yourself in the mirror. Trying not to let your insecure mind take over and run wild with thoughts you knew couldn't be true. He hates what you're wearing you know. Did you see the look on his face? He's never been more disgusted by you then he is right now and he's going to be so embarrassed at the party tonight. You look awful.

As you got ready your mind kept lingering back to the look he'd given you when he first saw you in the gown made you anxious about it, you couldn't quite read what it meant. The thoughts in your head continued to race about how awful you look and then going over the look on Chan's face. Overanalysing every last interaction you had with him before he went into the shower. You couldn't decide if it was a good or a bad stare that he'd been giving you, then the way his voice sounded when he called you "babe..." It felt as though he was embarrassed about what you were wearing and didn't know how to tell you.

"Y/n?" Chan called out for the third time in a row as he tried to gain your attention but you were lost in your own space, you turned to look over your shoulder at Chan who was fully dressed in his tux, struggling to do up the cuff links on his shirt.

"Help?" He whimpered out as he continued to struggle with them, you got up without a word and buttoned up the cuff links which were shaped as the doodle he always drew. You'd gotten them custom made for Christmas last year never thinking he would wear them but as a small gag gift.

"You're in your own world again, what's going on in that gorgeous brain of yours?" Chan questioned when he noticed you hadn't spoken in a while, you shook your head giving him the biggest convincing smile you could manage not wanting to ruin the evening with your head.

"Nothing. Can you do my choker up for me?" You slid the small diamond choker into his hands and he turned you around, doing up the small necklace before he placed a soft and gentle kiss on the back of your neck.

"We'll be late, come on," He tapped your shoulder softly as he headed out of the bedroom and down the staircase, the car that was picking you up for the night was waiting outside with the rest of the boys and their dates inside. Thoughts came rushing back to you as you thought about how great they were all going to look, all of them slimmer than you and probably more beautiful too. You'd only met Changbin's date before and never the rest,

"Baby? Come on, they're waiting." Chan rushed you as he saw you standing still at the door he was already near the car when he noticed you weren't behind him. He frowned to himself before going back to your side and linking your arms together so you didn't have to walk alone.

"I don't want to be late, I have some last-minute things to set up." He mumbled into your ear pressing a soft kiss against your head as he walked with you towards the car opening the door so you could get in beside Felix and his date who was smiling and introducing herself but all you could see was how gorgeous she looked in comparison to you.

"Y/n," You whispered as she reached out to shake your hand, then you began introducing yourself to everyone else the boys were with and went back to sitting in silence. Your mind kicking you in the head for not dressing up more. All of them looked expensive tonight and fully glammed out compared to you, you were beginning to feel like you were underdressed of the occasion.

"I had my makeup and hair done by one of the stylists, Hannie arranged it all for me. Who did yours?" Jisung's date questioned you as she looked at you, you'd already forgotten her name after being in the car for five minutes which you felt bad about but couldn't help.

"O-oh I did it, I did my own hair and makeup," You said proudly as you smiled at her but the look on her face wasn't one of being impressed she just glanced you up and down while nodding and humming to herself.

"It's...lovely, you look good." Good. You could tell by the way she said the word that she didn't mean it at all. Maybe that's what they were all thinking, you sank back against the seat as you felt more eyes on you but you tried to ignore it turning to look at your boyfriend but he was busy. Chan was lost in conversation with Changbin about something they were auctioning off so you couldn't drop into a conversation with him about anything so you were forced to let your brain overthink once again. Look at how much better they look, far more expensive than this piece of fabric you're wearing and look at Chan. Not even paying attention to you, instead, he's talking to Changbin and staring at Lila, Lila and Changbin look cute together. Your dress is tacky. Your makeup is awful, you saw the way they all looked at you, you know it's true.

Your mind continued to go on throughout the rest of the journey making you imagine how great the others were going to turn out in the press photos while yours wouldn't look good at all. As you went to get out of the car Chan's hand on your wrist stopped you,

"Why are we not getting out?" You asked softly as he stopped you from getting out after the rest of them had already left, he reached across and shut the door behind them.

"I have something to do first," He mumbled as he tapped on the glass that separated the driver from the rest of the limo, you frowned at him as the car began to move you stared out of the window. The limo was moving around the back of the building until you reached a back entrance to the Four Season's hotel away from where every person and camera could potentially see you together. This is what it used to be like when you first started dating, taking back entrances and avoiding being spotted together but that was over now. Your relationship had been out for a year and most of STAY loved you and how happy you seemed to make Chan.

"Come on," He took your hand in his as he hurried you into the building after getting out of the car, you picked up the bottom of your dress not wanting to stand in any of the puddles that were in the back ally behind the hotel.

"Why are we going through the back?" You questioned laughing softly thinking it was just like old times but Chan didn't seem to laugh.

"I have something to do, go and get a drink at the bar." He told you as he walked you into a small room where a group of people were all standing around and waiting, one man on the bar who looked bored. It didn't look like they were apart of the JYP gala so you turned to check if Chan had the right room,

"Chan?" You called out but he was already out of the room before you had a chance to say anything to him the door was already shut in your face and an elderly lady smiled as she walked over to you.

"You look very beautiful dear," You smiled back at her, thanking her as you looked around the room trying to figure out why you were left back here while Chan walked off to do whatever it was he was doing.

"Are you here for the charity gala?" You questioned kindly as you both walked over to the bar to get a drink together, you held onto her arm being careful she didn't fall and break a hip.

An hour later Chan still hadn't come back to see you and the elderly lady you'd been talking with was taken away and then slowly one by one the room began to empty until it was just you sitting at a table alone. Even the man that had been serving at the bar left to go and do something else. You'd called and text Chan over 12 times asking what was happening but there was no response from him,

"If he didn't want me to come why invite me?" You mumbled to yourself as you pushed your phone back into your bag trying not to let your brain overwork itself. Playing around with one of the coasters as you tried to entertain yourself for a while

"Y/n?" You dropped the coaster and turned around when you heard a familiar voice call out your name, standing by the door was Brian, Young K, from day6. He frowned when he saw you sitting alone at the table when not too long ago he'd just passed by Chan who was in the main function room alone. He glanced inside of the room wondering why you were in there alone thinking maybe you'd had a fight or you were just trying to get some air.

"Why are you in here?" He nodded for you to come out so you followed him out and into the hallway immediately not wanting to be cramped up in there all night.

"Chan said he had something to do and to wait for him," You felt a pit begin to grow in the bottom of your stomach as you read the look across Young K's face. It was clear he was trying to come up with some kind of lie to tell you,

"I just saw him, he told me to come and get you, come on." You could tell it was a lie but you went along with it anyway not wanting to throw a wrench in his evening. You just followed Brian out into the main area and gasping as you looked around at everything in the room, it was more impressive than you could have imagined. The entire hall looked incredible, it was covered in expensive-looking decorations, white table cloths everywhere and everyone looked like they belonged there in huge dresses, ball gowns and suits. Making you feel more out of place than before since you were only in a simple dress for this kind of thing,

"He's over here," You followed behind Brian who was trying to push through the crowds of people everyone talking over one another as they tried to hear each other over the music.

"Chan, I brought Y/n, like you asked me too." The tone of voice from Brian made it clear that Chan hadn't asked him to come and get you at all and was trying to make Chan go along with it. You came out from standing behind Brian and smiled at Chan who was standing with Sana and Mina both of them looking stunning in their dresses. Each of them wearing white princess silhouette gowns with matching necklaces around their necks. They looked amazing but what else was new? They always looked breathtakingly beautiful.

"Hi babe, thanks Brian I owe you one." The two of them exchanged looks and you stared down at the ground trying not to feel self-conscious in front of the two most attractive girls you knew in the building.

"You guys look insanely beautiful," You complimented when you finally got the courage to speak to them, Sana went to thank you when Chan shook his head at you,

"Babe don't. Don't be weird," Your chest tensed as your heart clenched in on itself on what Chan had said to you so you went back to staring at the floor and not wanting to say anything to them in case Chan said it was weird again.

"Alone again?" Brian chuckled as he came up behind you at the bar, you smiled weakly at him as you glanced over at Chan who was still standing with Mina and Sana as they engaged in conversation again. Since you'd joint them it had been an awkward and dulling silence but the moment you left them it was back to talking with one another.

"Any idea why they're in matching necklaces and almost identical outfits?" Brian looked back over at the girls and then pointed out the rest of the twice members that were in the same kind of outfits,

"They're being auctioned off to other idols and celebrities for a day out. Did Chan not tell you any of this?" You shook your head as you glanced around the room at everyone,

"He told me there would be auctions but not what was up for auction," You shrugged your shoulders passing it off as something Chan forgot to mention to you,

"Chan and Changbin have produced some songs that are up for grabs, the boys are up for auction as well as me-" He flashed the number that was on his tie '345' and then smiled as he went back to explaining.

"People will get the chance to bid on us for days out, meals we'll pay for and such. All the money going to the charities of tonight's event." As he explained everything the drinks you'd ordered were placed down in front of you and He paid for the drinks before you could making you sigh at him you hated whenever someone would pay for you.

"Gotta be quicker than that to pay," He nudged you playfully as he helped you carry the drinks over to Chan who was watching you both closely wondering what it was you were talking about.

"You should bid on me tonight, I've seen who wants to and I would much rather you have me for a day than someone them." He teased placing the drinks down onto the table while Chan eyed you up carefully again as he tried to make out what was making you laugh.

"What's so funny?" He questioned when he heard your small giggle leave your throat,

"Brian wanting me to bid on him-" You tried to explain but Chan cut you off quickly,

"Young K." Chan corrected you as he heard you call him Brian but Brian didn't mind what he was called, it just for joke purposes when he would yell out that he didn't know who Brian was.

"It's okay Chan, she can call me whatever she wants." Brian tried to laugh it off but it was clear Chan didn't find any of what was happening funny so you stayed silent on the matter and sipped on your drink.

"Y/n won't be bidding on anything tonight anyway," You frowned as Chan spoke on your behalf and you shook your head you'd made sure to pack your purse for the sole purpose of bidding on things.

"Why not?" You questioned as you looked to him for an answer,

"You don't need to." He mumbled as he turned to look at Chanbin who was calling his name from another part of the room.

"I have to go on stage to be auctioned off. Stay here. Don't go anywhere." His voice was stern so you just obeyed him not wanting to test him when he seemed he was already in a bad mood for whatever reason tonight. You stayed by the table watching over his drinks and the girls as they walked away to go and get ready for their stage time.

"I have to go as well, cheer up. Bid on whatever you want. Don't let grumpy pants put you in a bad mood." Brian winked at you before leaving to go and join the rest of the guys that were lining up. JYP already standing on the stage clutching a microphone as he announced what was going to happen and how people were supposed to bid on what or who they wanted. Writing down the number of what they wanted on a form and placing their highest bid on the sheet of paper before disclosing it into the boxes at the bars. At the end of the night, the winners would be announced in front of everyone and what they had won.

"Fuck it." You whispered to yourself going over to the bar again as you began writing down the number and how much you wanted to bid on.

"Having fun?" You turned to see the same elderly lady from earlier standing at the bar with you and you smiled at her,

"Lots. Are you?" She nodded over at someone in the crowd and told you that her son was being very nice to her after leaving her in the waiting room for so long.

"Who are you with?" She questioned as she wrote down who she was bidding on before slipping it into the box,

"My boyfriend, Chan from erm Stray kids." You pointed at Chan who was standing on the stage and she smiled at you rubbing your arms softly,

"Very cute, I can't wait to see the press images of you together. Those are always my favourite, and then the photo booth ones from inside the entrance hall...." Your heart sank as you realised there would be no photographs of you and Chan together tonight and then your head convinced you it was because he hated the way you looked in the dress you were wearing. That being the only explanation for sending you through the back entrance tonight instead of the main one where everyone else had gone and then leaving you in the "waiting room".

"Y-Yeah, I can't wait to see them." You lied as you excused yourself back to your table to wait for Chan to come back and get his drinks.

He never went back to the table he was the social butterfly he always was going over to different people in the room and talking with them while he avoided your direction altogether. You didn't blame him though, you loved how much he got along with everyone he met but you just wished he would come and see you for a while.

"Can I clean up for you?" A young waiter asked as he came over to the table, you recognised him as one of the trainees and you shook your head at him.

"No, it's okay. Chan will be over soon." At least you hoped he would be but the longer you stood there the less likely it seemed to be as he kept getting further and further away from you. The moment you saw him getting further away you sighed to yourself,

"A-Actually, just clean it up." You whispered to the trainee before heading in the direction of where the toilet signs were wanting to freshen yourself up a little before you went to ask Chan to go to the photo booth together. You at least wanted something good to come out of tonight. A small photo of you both together to go on your wall back home, it would be cute.

"I mean did you say her dress? Looks like she got it at a discount store," You heard Lila's voice fill the women's bathroom followed by some girly giggles as people followed her into the room. You looked at the door of the toilet booth you were sitting in and bit down on your lip, you were about to leave when they had walked into the room. Mentally thanking yourself for not going out when you wanted to.

"Lila! That's Chan's girlfriend you can't say things like that," You knew that that was Felix's girlfriend trying to defend you but it didn't work since Lila only threw back another comment about you.

"I'm being nice but not telling her to her face. I mean we all went all out. The least she could have done was dress up nice, why do you think Chan made them go around the back?" She started sniggering to herself and the girls joined in,

"He doesn't want to be seen with her in that tacky looking dress," She started laughing harder and your heart sank as she confirmed your fears about Chan forcing you to enter through the back entrance.

"I heard he was going to leave her in the waiting room all night with the elderly ones, the only reason she's come out is that Young K found her and felt sorry for her," Tears began to well up in your eyes as you heard them speak about you as though you were nothing.

"What does she do again?" Jisung's girlfriend asked as she applied lipstick onto her lips passing the colour over to someone else as they all checked themselves out.

"Apart from clinging onto Chan and live off of his money?" Someone laughed loudly and you rolled your head back against the door wanting nothing more than for them all to leave the room so you could get out in one piece. The back exit of the hotel looking more and more attractive as the seconds ticked by.

"She's a nurse, that's why they're so good together cause they understand how busy the other one gets." Someone you didn't recognise said to them in a softer tone trying to get them to stop being so mean but the rest of the girls all scoffed.

"Whatever. The least she could have done is tried to look presentable." The doors all shut behind them and you could have sunk down onto the floor in a pool of tears but you stopped yourself, coming out of the stall to look at yourself in the mirror. They were right, why would Chan want you to go around the front when you were dressed like this. You cleaned your hands before heading out into the hall bumping straight into Lila and the girls who all stared at you in horror as they realised you'd heard everything they'd been saying in there and then Lila smirked shrugging her shoulders when you met her gaze.

"E-Excuse me," You mumbled pushing yourself out of their way and heading towards the main doors wanting to leave when cameras began flashing. The girls all began to laugh as you backed away from the doors going into the main function room to find a way back out.

"I know, it looks awful. I tried to tell her but I didn't know how to so I just stayed silent." Chan was standing in front of you talking to Jisung and Felix and you felt your heart clench even more than it did when you were trapped in the bathroom. Even your own boyfriend thought you looked awful, everything confirming for you that it was the reason he'd taken you through the back and tried to leave you there for the night.

"I swear if it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't have come, it's so embarrassing." He let out a breathy chuckle not noticing the look he was getting from Felix when he spotted you behind him but you just walked away in silence keeping your head down as you tried to find the fastest route out of there.

"Y/n? Where are you going their about to announce some of the winners." Brian said as he noticed you heading towards the back door of the room your hand resting on the door as you stopped to speak to him so you didn't seem rude since he'd been the kindest to you all night.

"H-Home, not feeling too great." You lied as you looked at him, Chan watching from behind as he noticed that you were alone with Brian again. Jealously bubbling inside of him as he made his way over to you. Lila and her friends all gathered at the bar to start watching smirking at one another at what was about to unfold in front of them.

"I'll walk you out, come on." Brian nodded over to the front entrance again and you shook your head fear rising in you at the thought of going out of the main doors.

"I-I'll go out the back. I wouldn't want to risk embarrassing someone with how awful I look tonight." Brian frowned watching you walk out of the door as he tried to figure out what you meant by all of that.

"Chan what did-" He stopped trying to ask what you meant when Chan stormed out of the room after you, not saying anything to anyone as he just left the venue.

"Leave me alone," You mumbled to Chan as he tried to convince you to talk to him for the 100th time in a row, you'd gotten into the same cab since he left not long after you and demanded you talk to him but you couldn't. You didn't trust yourself not to cry in front of him in the taxi ride and now you were home all you wanted to do was get out of the dress and sleep for a week, never to be seen again. Along with burning the dress the moment you had the chance to.

"Y/n, we have to talk about this! What is wrong with you tonight?" He questioned but you kicked off your heels and continued walking up the staircase towards the bedroom, taking out the earrings and putting them into the jewellery box on the vanity. You ignored his question not wanting to get into it but he just kept pushing you for answers.

"You've been in an awful mood all night, what's your problem?!" He questioned once he saw you struggling to undo the zip on the back of your dress. Your arms fell down in defeat as he had the nerve to tell you that you were the one in the bad mood,

"I've been in a bad mood?" You questioned as you stared at him dumbfounded that he was accusing you of being the one in a bad mood.

"What's your problem? We went out for a nice night and you've ruined it by leaving early." You rolled your eyes as you went back to struggling to reach the zip at the back of your dress,

"You could have stayed there, lord knows you were having fun without me before I came in with Brian." You mumbled to yourself, wanting to scream out in annoyance with the dress when you couldn't get it undone quick enough.

"Talk to me when you're out of this mood," He grumbled at you as he turned to leave the bedroom, you sniffled as the tears you'd been holding in all night finally began to pour down your cheeks.

"If you were so embarrassed by what I was wearing you should have just told me! Instead of going to great lengths to keep me hidden away from every person and camera possible." You breathed out as you stared at the back of his head, his shoulders tensed up as he turned back to look at you.

"Is that what you thought I was doing?" His eyes softened as he stared at you waiting for your answer,

"No. Its what I know you were doing. I-I heard Lila and that in the bathroom, f-for fuck sake Chan you made me go through the back entrance and left me in a waiting room for an hour! Completely forgetting I was there!" The tears came gushing down your cheeks as the night stayed clear in your head. Your hands began to shake as you tried to get the dress off your body but it wouldn't budge. The zipper staying in place as you continued to try and get it off you,

"G-Get it off me, please." You stumbled over your words continuing to struggle until you cried out,

"Get this fucking thing off me!" Your hands began shaking viciously as you tried to get the dress to come undone Chan wrapped his arms around you from behind as he began unzipping the dress for you as he helped you out of it. The two of you sunk down onto your knees as he brought you into his chest but you moved away from him, shaking your head as you cried.

"I never meant for you to think that-" He tried to defend himself but you shook your head again, your mind going back to what you heard him say before.

"I heard what you were telling the boys, that I look awful and I'm embarrassing you...Next time save me the embarrassment and tell me." You got up from the floor heading to the en-suite when Chan stopped you by pressing his body against yours. His heart was racing you could feel it on your bare back as he wrapped his arms around you from behind as he shook his head. Promising you that it wasn't you that he was talking about.

"Baby no, N-No. I wasn't talking about you." He sighed, leaving kisses up and down your shoulder as he tried to reassure you that it wasn't you that he'd been talking about. The more he kissed you the harder you cried not wanting him to lie to you,

"I heard you, I heard Lila and the girls. Y-You should have told me at home and I wouldn't have gone Chan. You wouldn't have to have gone to great lengths in hiding me." He turned you around to face him but you avoided his gaze keeping your eyes turned to the floor until he cupped your face in his hand.

"Whatever Lila said is a lie, I took you through the back because I know how insecure you are about cameras, I didn't want you to be uncomfortable with them." He whispered to you as he bent down to look into your eyes whenever you would move them off him,

"I left you in the back room while I went to finish working on a song. I was on my way when Sana and Mina asked me to stand with them..." You scoffed at his poor attempt at an excuse, the first one you could believe but not this one,

"Yeah, right. Like I was born yesterday." You swatted his hands away from your body but he pulled you back to him not letting you get away from him that easily. Not when he had to tell you the truth and make you see the truth.

"I'm not and never will be embarrassed to be seen with you. What would make you think anything like that?" He reassured you as he kissed your forehead,

"Y-You didn't say anything when you saw the dress at home and then when we went through the back I thought maybe it was true...T-Then Lila in the bathroom-" A sob interrupted you as you cried out again feeling pathetic for crying over something like this in front of him,

"Then when I was leaving you said how awful someone looked and how embarrassing it was..." Chan could see why you thought he was doing the best he could to keep you hidden but he shook his head.

"Lila is a piece of work, I'll talk with Changbin about it later. Y/n. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on...You could have rocked up in a bin bag and I would have loved you for it." He whispered as he sat you down on the edge of the bed beside you, linking his hands with yours as he tried to get you to listen to him and pay attention.

"The only thing embarrassing about tonight was that Lila won a day with me, she didn't bother bidding on anything except for me. The thing I said looked awful..." You looked up at him with your eyes teared up and bloodshot, he cupped your face in his hands as he shook his head leaning down to peck your lips.

"Was Sana's necklace, none of them wanted to wear them but their managers said it looked great. I didn't have the heart to say it didn't." Everything he was telling you was starting to make sense, deep down inside Chan would never do anything or say anything that could hurt you but in those moments your head did all of the overthinking for you.

"I'm sorry." You whispered to him as you snuggled your head into his chest, his arms automatically wrapping around your body as he whispered that it was okay.

"I love you, you looked stunning tonight babe." He whispered to you as he pressed small kisses on the top of your head repeating it over and over to you.

"I really do love the dress..." He whispered as you sniffled against him again,

"I love you too Channie," You whispered to him not answering him on the dress subject since it was just bringing bad memories to your mind.

"Come on. Let's get you into a nice hot shower and then I'll make us a hot drink." He tapped your side carefully as he helped you up from the bed turning to leave for the bathroom when his phone started vibrating from inside his pocket.

"You bid on Brian-Hyung?" He stared at his phone as he read the text from Brian, glancing over his shoulder you smirked to see the smirking emojis from the older idol,

Tell Y/n to put on her dancing shoes we're going to have a great day! You started giggling to yourself as you pulled Chan towards the bathroom trying to make him forget about it,

"I'll swap my day with Lila for your day with Brian Hyung," He mumbled as he looked at you not wanting to get jealous over you and Brian again.

"How about we just dump the day with Lila and you come with me and Brian?" You questioned as a text came through to your phone confirming your win on both Chan and Brian for a day together, outbidding Lila by a mile by the looks of it.

"Did I ever mention that you're the best girlfriend a guy could ask for?" You shook your head as Chan picked you up carefully and carried you towards the bathroom,

"I don't think you've ever mentioned it Christopher. Tell me please," You giggled as he kicked the bathroom door shut and began explaining all of the reasons you were so great to you.

Tagline: @taestannie @channiewoo @kneel-begyourpardon @minholuvs @lkwonmj

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arvinsescape · 3 years

Text

Time and Space.

A/N: Another angsty one that won’t have a part two, i’ve left it down to readers interpretation as to what happens next. I enjoy writing more angsty fics and i enjoyed writing this. I hope you all enjoy! There is also some slight POV changes in this so if i missed any you/she’s that needed to be corrected i apologise.

Summary: Tom's been distant and it reaches its breaking point.

Warnings: Swearing, so much angst, mentions of mental health being affected.

W/C: 3K

If someone had told you a year ago that on your next birthday you’d be sat crying into your drink you’d have laughed at them but would they have been wrong? No. Here you were crying into your drink and violently sobbing while Tuwaine rubbed your back and tried to calm you down, it wasn’t working.

Harrison was furious with his best friend, he couldn’t be more angry if he tried. He’d promised her he was going to be here and where was he? Well if he’d pick up his fucking phone Harrison might have an answer for the sobbing girl. Tuwaine was utterly lost, he had no idea how to make her feel better.

You looked at your phone for what felt like the millionth time that night, nothing from him and it was 12.01am the day after your birthday. He hadn’t said happy birthday and he hadn’t seen you on your birthday, not spared you a thought in 24 hours. You knew something was wrong, something you couldn’t quite get a grip on, he’d become distant.

“Hey.” You said as you approached him, he was sat on his phone, he didn’t even look at you. “Do you wanna do something today?” You asked and he huffed quietly.

“Not today, love.” He’d answered and it felt cold, withdrawn. He still hadn’t looked at you.

“Okay, then I’m gonna go out for a bit.” You said and he hummed not looking away from his phone.

“I applied for a promotion today.” You said over dinner, he was yet to say anything to you.

“Nice.” He said. It sounded like he didn’t mean it. No further questions as if he wanted the conversation to be over.

“I’m kinda nervous for it.” You said hoping to keep the conversation going.

“You’ll do great.” He said as he got up and left the room.

He’d been nothing but distant over the last couple of weeks and last night he missed a dinner date, he apologised, although it seemed half arsed and didn’t give a reason. You knew he wasn’t cheating because Harrison had texted you to apologise that he kept Tom out, but Tom said nothing about it. You got up and couldn’t help the brim of tears in your eyes.

“You okay?” He asked as you sniffled.

“Yeah.” You mumbled as you sniffled again and rubbed your nose.

“Okay.” He said as he made his way out the door. You cried for the first time in those couple of weeks. You knew he wasn’t cheating so did he just not love you anymore? Were you an inconvenience? Your mind ran at a thousand miles an hour thinking over all the reasons he was being so cold.

It only got worse, one missed dinner date turned into three so you stopped organising them. He never had a reason for missing them and the last time he’d done it didn’t even pull and apology from him. You folded your arms over the table and stuffed your face into them as you cried harder and Tuwaine wondered how that was possible.

Tuwaine watched as she sobbed her heart out in the middle of a bar not caring if people were looking or not. He pulled her into his chest as she sobbed harder, the tears instantly wetting his shirt but he didn’t care, he was heartbroken for the girl in his arms. He looked at Harrison as Harrisons nostrils flared before he abruptly stood from the table and made his way outside.

“Hey, shh. Come on Y/N, it’s your birthday.” Tuwaine said to her and she didn’t respond, probably didn’t hear as her crying was so loud, he was almost in tears himself watching her break apart in his arms. She shouldn’t be in his arms, this should be Tom comforting her but fuck knows where he is.

Harrison pulled up Tom’s contact one last time before he decided that he was going to go over there and rip him a new one. He placed the phone to his ear as he ran his hands through his hair, surprisingly Tom picked up after the third ring.

“Hey mate.”

“Where the fuck are you?” Harrison growled down the phone.

“What do you mean?” Tom asked confused.

“Of course you forgot. You really are a piece of shit.” Harrison laughed sarcastically, his heart was well and truly broken for the girl inside.

“Forgot what? Are you gonna just keep insulting me or tell me what I’ve done?” Tom snapped and Harrisons nostrils flared as his anger bubbled further to the brim.

“Where’s Y/N?” He asked.

“I don’t know she wasn’t home when I got back.” Tom answered almost as if it meant nothing. No concern. No fucking anything. Harrisons anger completely boiled over.

“It’s her birthday you absolute fucking bell end. She’s sat in the middle of a pub crying because you couldn’t keep yet another promise. You really have outdone yourself.” Harrison said and he heard Tom curse at the other end of the phone.

“Shit, tell her I’ll be there in ten.” He said.

“Don’t fucking bother. You have done more than enough. I’m bringing her home soon and you better just fucking leave her be.” Harrison said.

“No disrespect mate but this is my relationship.” Tom snapped and Harrison laughed at that.

“Is it? Does she know you’re still together?” Harrison bit back, he was beyond angry.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Tom shouted back at him.

“If you don’t know what I mean by that Tom I’m not fucking trying.” Harrison snapped as he put the phone down. He stormed back into the pub, his anger having risen to a point of what he thought was no return until he saw Y/N again and all anger dissipated as he watched her cry into Tuwaine’s chest that should have been Tom’s.

You couldn’t control yourself as you cried, so many thoughts running through your head. You had to go home eventually but that meant back to Tom, maybe, if he was there. You would ask to stay at one of the boy’s house but their house was your house and it was far too late to call anyone else. Maybe you could get a hotel for the night, you didn’t want to speak to Tom tonight, not after this.

“Y/N? I’m gonna take you home okay? I’m gonna give you my room and I’ll sleep on the sofa.” You heard Harrison say as he crouched down next to you.

“But what if Tom’s there?” You sobbed back and he took your hands in his as you pulled away from Tuwaine.

“If you don’t want to speak to Tom tonight you don’t have to.” Harrison said and you nodded as you both stood. Tuwaine grabbed your things as Harrison guided you outside and flagged down a taxi. You managed to compose yourself a little as you sat in the taxi.

“I don’t think he loves me anymore.” You said and Harrison sighed. Harrison wasn’t sure he could answer this, Tom hadn’t said anything but he was sure acting like he didn’t.

“Let’s just get you home and we can talk about this tomorrow okay? You need some sleep.” Harrison said as he pulled you into his side. At some point the crying had taken a toll on you and you let the exhaustion pull you under and you let silent tears fall.

Harrison was aware she’d fallen asleep and a part of him was happy about it, she wouldn’t have to face him tonight. He was so angry that Tom hadn’t seen the heart break in her, she’d become distant herself, lost in her own thoughts more often. She wasn’t enthusiastic anymore and anyone with eyes could see she was slowly breaking so why hadn’t Tom?

Harrison paid the driver as he carefully moved her out of the taxi, carrying her bridal style up the driveway. He noticed the living room light on and he sighed, Tom was waiting. Tuwaine unlocked the door as he made his way upstairs and as Harrison kicked the door shut gently Tom came in.

“She okay?” Tom asked and his heart broke as he took in the state of her, she looked so tired, almost broken, she didn’t have that same peaceful look on her face that sleep normally brought.

“Don’t.” Harrison gritted out as he started to make his way upstairs.

“Harrison sh-“ Tom began to say and Harrison spun round to look at his face.

“Don’t you fucking dare wake her up. I’ll be back down shortly.” Harrison gritted out and Tom nodded as he watched his friend carry his girlfriend upstairs and into his room. She shouldn’t even be crying but here she is and Tom should be comforting her but here he is.

Tom sat on the living room sofa as his leg bounced waiting for his friend to reappear. He was aware he was in for an argument. He’d just been so stressed recently and he’d taken it out on her and he felt awful, he hadn’t noticed the change in her but seeing her tonight and she was only asleep made him realise how much he’d fucked up. Harrison entered the living room as he shut the door and Tom instantly shot up.

“What did you get her?” Harrison asked.

“What?” Tom asked with furrowed brows, he wasn’t sure where this was going.

“For her birthday?” Harrison clarified.

“I forgot.” Tom swallowed as he watched his friends nostrils flare.

“Fucking brilliant. Do you know what she said to me tonight?” Harrison said as he crossed his arms over his chest and Tom shook his head, he couldn’t find his voice.

“She said ‘I don’t think he loves me anymore’ and she fucking believed it.” Harrison said and Tom felt his heart shatter. He knew he’d been distant and he knew he wasn’t being fair to her but he never once thought she’d believe he didn’t love her.

“I do.” Tom said as he felt his tears, he had really fucked up.

“I couldn’t tell her that, Tom.” Harrison sighed as he felt his anger wash away all of a sudden, he was just left with a sadness in his chest over the situation. “I couldn’t stick up for you because you haven’t given me a reason to make her believe otherwise.” Tom’s tears slipped down his cheeks at that, had he really been so cold?

“I’ve just been so stressed, I didn’t mean to be that way.” Tom said and Harrison sighed again as he ran his hands over his face.

“But you were and you didn’t see what it was doing to her. Fuck, Tom we picked up on her changes weeks ago.” Harrison said and Tom nodded as he sniffled. He felt like he had a whole in his heart that was only going to be made bigger once he spoke to his girlfriend.

“I’ve really fucked up Haz, I need to speak to her.” Tom said as he cried.

“Not tonight Tom please, just let her sleep.” Harrison begged as he placed a reassuring hand on his friends shoulder and Tom nodded as he said goodnight and made his way upstairs, he was scared this was going to be the end, that she wouldn’t forgive him for this. He collapsed onto his bed tossing and turning, thinking about what the morning will bring until he eventually fell asleep.

You woke up and your head was pounding from the tears you’d shed last night. You felt awful and as you turned to the bedside table you saw that a packet of painkillers and a bottle of water had been left with a note.

For your head. Me, Tuwaine and Harrison have gone out for the day so you two can talk. I’m here if you need anything, Harry.

Harry hadn’t been able to make it last night for legitimate reasons and the boys must have filled him in this morning. As for Tom, you still had no idea why he couldn’t make it last night. You swallowed the painkillers and drank the bottle of water before making your way into the bathroom. You looked at yourself in the mirror after you finished brushing your teeth and you were shocked by the sight.

You had horrendous bags under your eyes and no life in them. You looked tired, completely drained of energy. You almost cried again at the sight of yourself but you were sure you legitimately couldn’t cry again, you felt numb after your breakdown last night.

You took a shower and let the water wash your tear stains away along with everything else. You felt ready to talk to Tom now, more prepared than last night, you were sure you had no more tears left for him. You loved him, god did you love him but this wasn’t working at the minute and you came to accept that when you were in the shower. His feelings had changed and there was nothing you could do about it, sometimes it happens and you had to accept that.

You realised that you’d have to go back into your shared bedroom in order to get changed and you mentally prepared yourself one last time before you opened the door and there he was sat on the edge of the bed. Your heart broke slightly at the sight of him, he looked tired, like he’d hardly slept. You silently got dressed as neither of you dare say a word until you heard Tom sigh.

“Y/N/N, I’m so sorry.” He said and his voice broke as tears made their way down his face.

“Why weren’t you there?” You asked, voice tired, devoid of all emotion. Tom sobbed before he answered, he knew this would break you heart, you on the other hand weren’t sure if you had any heart left to break.

“I forgot.” He said and shame laced his tone. He prepared himself for the shouting but it never came you only nodded. The lack of emotion from you was frightening Tom to no end.

“Do you still love me?” You asked, you needed to know. You watched as tears fell like a waterfall down his beautiful face. You were right in assuming you had no tears left because usually the sight of him crying would cause some of your own tears, but not right now.

“I do. I love you so much princess. I’m sorry, I’ve been so stressed lately and I took it out on you and I shouldn’t have.” He was still sat on the edge of the bed as he dropped his head into his hands and cried again. You stood still in your position across the room. Normally the nickname would fill you with happiness but right now it was hitting a brick wall. Your heart slightly lifted to hear he still loved you but you still needed space.

“Please can we talk about this? I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to. I really do love you and I mean that.” He said.

“That’s first time you’ve said those words in a while.” You spoke as you realised.

“What?” He furrowed his brows as he looked at you.

“I love you.” You replied, voice still void of emotion. You were speaking as if you were listing off a fact file.

“I’m sorry.” Tom shook his head as he sniffled loudly before burying his head in his hands again.

“I’m gonna go stay with a friend.” You said as you slowly started to pack a suitcase.

“What? No, baby, we can fix this. You don’t have to leave.” He panicked as he frantically looked at you. You sighed as you continued to pack.

“Tom, I’m tired and I’m drained. I need some time away.” You said honestly as you zipped up your case after having packed what you’d need for a while.

“Please, Y/N don’t leave me.” He pleaded with you as he stood. You sighed again, you’d been through this in your head, you needed time, both of you did.

“Tom, I need some time away from you okay. I need time to think and to process the last seven weeks.” You said.

“What if you don’t come back?” He panicked as he made his way over to you, taking your face in both of his hands looking straight into your eyes. “I love you so much, please don’t leave me. We can talk about it.” Tom was pleading with you now and you felt your first tear fall as he swiftly swiped it away with his thumb.

“Tom I love you, I really do. But we need space and then we can talk okay?” You said.

“But what if you stop loving me?” Tom worried and you smiled as you placed your hands over his.

“A part of me will always love you and I mean that.”

“This feels like a goodbye.” Tom cried.

“It doesn’t have to be, but we need time and space right now. That’s what we need, when I’m ready to talk I’ll let you know.” You said through a sad smile. “I love you.” You said as you placed a sweet kiss to his lips which he instantly returned, his tears mixing with the kiss. You pulled away from him as you grabbed your case.

“I love you so much, please don’t forget that.” Tom said as you made you’re way out of the door.

“I won’t. I’ll call you when I’m ready to talk.” You softly smiled at him and he returned it as you shut the door and made your way to your car.

#tom holland #tom holland imagine #tom holland one shot #tom holland x reader #tom holland angst

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penajavier · 3 years

Text

though you are no god - Frankie Morales x f!reader

This idea had been brewing for a while and hanging out in my drafts for a longer while, but I’ve finally found the inspiration to clean it up and share it! I am clearly a beginner at this and feedback/critique is always welcome.

Title: though you are no god (credit)

Pairing: Francisco Morales x f!reader. One use of the word “girl”.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 3.3k

Content/warnings: brief mentions of nightmares and trauma recovery, angst, smut, still somehow the sappiest shit I’ve ever written. frankie likes to be praised. strictly 18+

ao3

••••••••

The first time you get to witness Francisco Morales fall to his knees in front of you, you almost don't remember it happening.

His mouth presses hot and wet and urgent against your skin where he is bunching up your shirt to expose it. You are nearly as drunk as him, blindly pulling it off and throwing it somewhere behind him. The wall behind you is cool but does absolutely fuck-all to clear your head because oh god his hands are big and warm and his tongue is incessant and oh god this is Frankie, your goofy, kind, awkward, hot as fuck friend-of-a-friend. He pulls you forward a fraction just to tug on your pants and underwear, letting them gather around your feet without giving you the leg room to step out of them. He lifts your left leg over his shoulder with ease, and then his hands are bracing him against you and his tongue is working as if it has a mind of its own, circling your clit and sliding up your lips and you don't remember his fingers being that thick but somehow they are and you are close to going insane.

Maybe tomorrow you'll wonder how you ended up here, in a hallway in his apartment where he barely bothered to turn the lights on before pressing himself into you, effectively shutting off any sane connection you might have still retained to the world after however-many drinks you two had got in you. The night was supposed to be about Santi, you vaguely recall, but right now you honest to god cannot even remember what promotion he got that you were supposed to be celebrating. You might have made a mental note to apologize to him for leaving his party early, but Frankie adds another finger to your wet cunt and moans like it's pleasuring him more than you, and it's a real effort not to kick him in the chest or collapse on him then and there.

The fucker laughs as if he knows exactly what he's doing to you, and somehow increases his efforts to a degree you hadn't thought possible. It doesn't take much after that for you to feel that knot tightening in your belly, the electricity of it making your limbs shake. Only when he’s satisfied making you cum thoroughly on his tongue and his hand does he stand up, and for the first time since you got here, he speaks. "Hi," he says, the loopiest grin on his face, before leaning forward to kiss you without waiting for you to answer.

Your last remaining brain cell thinks to itself, this is going to be one hell of a night.

••••

The second time Frankie Morales falls to his knees in front of you, you can barely bring yourself to look at him.

It's been weeks (months?) since he practically fell off the grid, following your childhood best friend and designated bad-idea-haver Santiago Garcia into the guts of South America. You had reached the point where a part of you was bracing itself for the worst kind of news, of never getting to see your boys again or hell, not even knowing what the fuck happened to them down there. The rest of you was still holding on to your anger in a misplaced effort to stay hopeful, refusing to let you feel anything other than the need to wring their necks as soon as one of them walked back in the door. And that was it, the majority of your days spent getting on edge every time your phone rang or you felt you saw a familiar set of messy curls pass you by on the street, until you walked home one day to find him standing outside your door, hand poised to knock but hesitant.

"What the fuck?" the words escape you before you can help it, and he nearly jumps out of his skin. When he turns to look at you coming up behind him, you almost stop in shock at how absolutely shit he looks. "What the fuck?" you say again, seeming to have lost all your vocabulary at the sight of this stupid infuriating beautiful man finally standing in front of you in one piece, messy curls and all.

An eternity passes with the two of you simply staring at each other, your grocery bags forgotten in your hands and his fingers twitching in an effort to keep them to himself. The smell of fresh bread wafting from your grocery bag does little to alleviate any tension, and the silence is almost painful. You want to do something, say something of all the rage and hurt you've nursed in you at being left alone. How dare you, you want to bark at him, want to hold him by the collar and smack him or kiss his face raw.

You must take too long in your own head because he carefully extends a hand toward you, but you are so over-stimulated at the mere sight of him that you flinch.

That's what breaks him, you realize later when the storms have passed and the proverbial rivers have calmed. Not the pain and loss and grief of the mission - things he'll whisper into your chest when you let him - and not the physical battering he must have taken through it all. What breaks him is you flinching away from him, as if you'd forgotten who he was. It’s only me, it's your Frankie, he wants to scream; wants to gather you in his arms and breathe into your ribs. But all he can do is fall to the ground and plead with his eyes.

I'm sorry, mi alma he seems to be saying, and the sight of this glorious man breaking down in front of your doorstep makes you ache in the depths of your bones. You rush forward, all your anger evaporating away from you in the instant it takes to wrap your arms around him and let him rest his head on your stomach. The position is awkward at best. His touch feels almost alien and his hair doesn't smell like you're used to, but you let him cry, let him ruin the clothes you hadn’t given much thought to anyway, and it doesn't occur to either of you that the shirt is one of his that he'd left at your place.

You choke back the ocean rising in your throat, not knowing how to navigate everything you're feeling at the same time. Will we ever be okay? you wonder, your entire body feeling numb as he holds you just the tiniest bit more tightly.

You don't know then if you'll ever forgive him, and he doesn't know if he'll ever be the same man again, but right there in that moment none of it matters. What matters is that he is here, and you are holding him like you'd wished and prayed for in all those lonely nights. Maybe you'll never be okay like you used to be, but you have him for now, and you're too exhausted to think beyond that.

••••

The third time, it's fucking magical.

You and your Frankie have finally settled into a somewhat stable routine. After he left you with the promise to get his shit together, he made good on his word. It seemed as if the mission that must not be named put things into perspective for him - and for you, for that matter - and the two of you decided to give up on the delicate dance you kept orchestrating around each other. You had realized that you needed him much more than you could ever resent him for leaving, and he had realized he never wanted to feel the paralysing fear of thinking he'd never make it back to you again. You two had decided to sit down like adults and talk about it, and Frankie’s regular visits to his therapist had certainly helped.

Now, in the early morning light in your shared bedroom, he looks the very picture of calm. The birds chirp softly outside the window, blending in with the music of the traffic that you two have begrudgingly come to love. The nightmares haven't left him completely, but they're less frequent and far less incapacitating for him. You feel a rush of pride for how far he's come, how much effort he put into building himself back up piece by piece after being shattered to his bare bones. You’ve seen him curl into you out of fear and into himself during the moments of self loathing when he feels he doesn't deserve your kindness, but now he sleeps with his head tilted slightly upward, exposing the beautiful planes of his neck to you. He is beautiful, you've known it for as long as you've known him, but something about the soft sunlight turning his curls golden and the way you can tell he's truly at peace in this moment, brings tears to your eyes and makes your throat clench.

You lean up on your elbow and touch his face. His skin is soft, and he smells faintly of your body wash. Thief, you think fondly, brushing his unruly hair away from his forehead. he had stopped cutting it as frequently as he used to because he noticed you liked running your hands through it, and you realize with a jolt that that had been years ago, long before you two had any conversation about the future, even before he had his world turned upside down in the depths of an unnamed jungle. That is when you realize that Francisco Morales told you he loved you long before you had the sense to understand it, and this time you do cry.

He stirs in his sleep. You briefly worry that you woke him, but he simply turns his head and nuzzles into the crook of your neck, breathing deeply at your shoulder before falling back asleep. The feeling of his soft breaths against your skin makes you smile, and you feel yourself falling more in love with every one of them.

He wakes you up hours later with gentle kisses and the promise of pancakes, making you giggle with the way his moustache tickles your chin. When you find him in the kitchen later he seems more chipper than usual, smelling like a bakery and humming softly while setting the table for two. He greets you with a sweet kiss and pulls out your chair for you before sitting down in his own.

“To what do I owe this pleasure?” you ask playfully, and he smiles wide behind his glasses that you’d finally convinced him he needed. Beautiful man, you can't help but think.

"Just wanted to do something nice for my girl," he answers with his mouth full and you flick a berry at him, which he expertly catches. "Oh so that's how it's gonna be," he puts down his fork and you start to run away, but he is far too quick. He catches you by your waist and pulls you into his chest, licking your cheek obscenely.

"Frankie, you dog!" you giggle, still fighting his grip.

"Dogs are cute," he shrugs, seemingly unfazed against you using all your force. He is gentle as anything with you, but he sure likes to show off his strength every once in a while. He lifts you effortlessly off the floor and sets you on the counter. "You think I'm cute?" he wiggles his eyebrows.

You almost playfully call him insufferable on autopilot, the way you've always bantered since you've known him. But you're aware now how he relies on verbal affirmations, and you've been making a conscious effort of supplying them whenever you can. So instead you hold his face in your palms and tell him that you think he's the most wonderful man in the world, and that you love him more than anything.

"Baby," he drops his head to your shoulder and sighs. You do this to him, making his heart swell and threaten to burst out of his ribs. He doesn't have the words, doesn't know how to tell you he feels like the luckiest man in the world every morning when he wakes up next to you, every time he hears your voice or feels your palm in his. He doesn't know how to tell you you've been his anchor and his best friend, or how he can't believe he gets to have this kind of domestic bliss at all. "Baby," he repeats, "I love you."

You try to deepen the kiss he initiates, but he pulls back and tells you he has plans for the day, telling you to get dressed for something outdoors. You feel a rush of happiness at the thought of him feeling more and more like himself with every day that passes, picking up old habits and finding joy in them. You kiss his cheek and run off to get dressed, beyond excited to see what he had planned.

The ride to the field is longer than you expected. Frankie has turned the radio on and it plays softly in the background as you two talk occasionally. It’s a calm morning, with the perfect weather that's neither too cold nor too warm. He lifts your hand to his lips and kisses it softly once he's parked, and then he hops out and opens your door for you.

"Such a gentleman," you tease.

"Yeah," is all he says before he's kissing you breathless against the truck. It takes you by surprise, but it's far from unwelcome.

Your hands come to rest on his shoulders, and you can tell it takes a special amount of effort for him to pull away from you, his hands still holding you close as he pulls on yours and leads you deeper into the field. The grass is high enough to tickle your ankles, and the whisper of it against your skin feels wonderful. He slows down, the pace leisurely enough for you to appreciate the wildflowers growing around you. He’s careful not to step on any, and you're struck once again by the multitudes that exist within this one man. The same man who has confessed to sins you could never have thought him capable of, now so careful with a thing as gentle as a dandelion. You think about his hand that is so gentle in yours, and the memory of it firmly wrapping around your throat as he does unspeakable things to you makes you blush, and you will yourself to come back to the present.

Frankie has led you to a tree, and you notice a tree house resting on the sturdier branches. It’s new, you realize, and look at him quizzically.

"Remember how I was supposed to pick up new hobbies?" he says sheepishly, gently leading you around to the other side where you see wooden footrests leading up. He urges you to climb up, and you are still so surprised that you can only obey.

"I thought you'd like this," he's saying. "It can be our secret place, we come here whenever we want. Not that we don't already have a home and privacy but I thought this could be nice to have. Like a little getaway close to home." He's rambling now, as you notice all the fine details he has paid attention to in the construction of it.

"Honey? Do you like it?" he asks when you've been too quiet.

"Do I like it?" you ask incredulously. "Francisco Morales, this is amazing!"

He immediately breaks into a wide grin, and you can see that he is proud of himself. He looks almost like an eager child, and you love the way his eyes shine in that moment.

"There's one more thing," he leads you to a small opening in the wall that serves as a window. You can see the clear sky and the field stretching out under you, and the cool breeze feels like a gentle caress. It's a beautiful view, and you lose yourself in the sights and smells for a moment.

"So am I looking at something specific?" you ask, wondering what it was he wanted to show you.

He doesn't answer, though, and you turn around to repeat the question. The sight that meets you nearly knocks you off your feet, and you cover your gasp with your hand.

Frankie is on one knee, hat resting by his feet and hand extended, holding the most gorgeous ring you have ever laid eyes on. You might be biased, but you couldn't care less.

"Darling, I-" he starts, but you don't have the self control that he apparently does, and you throw your arms around him.

He wraps tightly around you, only letting you have enough room to look up and kiss him. And god do you kiss him. You kiss him like he has never been kissed before, like you could pour every ounce of affection you have for him into that one moment, needing him as close to you as possible.

You don't realise you're crying until he kisses the tears off your cheeks, and then he lifts your hand and slides the ring on.

••••

The fourth time comes that night, after you've spent your day in the field, holding on to each other and bursting with mutual joy.

He sits you down on the bed, and kneels in front of you, kissing your shoulders gently. "Hey, Mrs. Morales," he smiles as he says it, even as he's biting the soft skin at your clavicle.

You laugh, telling him that’s not how engagement rings work. He only grins against your skin and bites harder.

You scratch his head and he purrs, lifting his head briefly to give you a sweet kiss before he's pushing you to lie down. Let me take care of you, honey, he whispers. Then his hands are on your waist and his mouth is on your chest, making you writhe in place. He kisses and sucks and bites, making sure to give every part of you equal attention. So beautiful, he's talking almost to himself as he leaves a wet trail of kisses down to your tummy.

His hands meanwhile touch and grab and smooth over any part they can reach, moving as if of their own volition. He knows your body so well that he can map it with his eyes closed, can recognize it with his last breaths. He reaches your cunt and pulls you closer, closer, inhaling deeply and groaning like he's hardly staying in control.

With the same patience he had displayed earlier in the day he teases you mercilessly, kissing around where you need him most. You pull on his hair and he tuts and bites your thigh. What did I say, baby - a flick of his tongue against you - let me take care of you. You whine petulantly, and he tells you to be a good girl for him. He even says please, the asshole.

The first lick against your clit comes at the same time as his finger pushes into you, and it takes everything you have not to lift off the bed. So wet for me, he moans against you, the vibration making your pleasure amplify. You fist the sheets around you, telling him how fucking good he's making you feel, how good he always makes you feel. The praise fuels him on and he pushes two more fingers into you at the same time.

You are so full and so stimulated with his tongue incessant against your clit, and he has no plans of letting up. You feel your orgasm hit you quick and hard, and you can barely warn him before you're gushing, soaking his face and trying to pull away from the overstimulation.

He looks up at you, grinning like the Cheshire cat. He licks you clean until you're begging him to stop, and then he patiently kisses his way back up your body.

"That was... that was amazing," you're out of breath as you say it, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him in to taste yourself.

"Oh honey," he coos. "I've barely started."

•••

fin.

Tagging some lovely mutuals whom I love and who are amazing writers: @disgruntledspacedad @pedropascaldice @frannyzooey. Please let me know if you don’t want to be tagged in the future (if there is a future) ❤️

#triple frontier fic #frankie morales x reader #frankie morales x f!reader #frankie morales smut #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal x reader #not rpf #yes im on hiatus yes i wrote a fic #we exist #and did i mention i've never seen the movie 🙂

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