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violentdelightsandviolentends · 11 months

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Web of Lies.

Spencer Reid has always been good at keeping secrets. You just never thought he'd keep any from you.

Pairing - Spiderman!Spencer Reid x Female Reader

Word Count - 3750

Age Rating - 18+

Warnings - cursing. mentions of violence and blood. potentially smut in the next chapters.

Author's Note - i am so excited to share this with all of you!! i saw a tiktok comparing marvel characters to criminal minds characters, and couldn't get the idea of spencer as spiderman out of my head. this will absolutely have more than one part, but i'm not sure how many just yet. please let me know what you think!! as always, reblogs, comments and feedback are always immensely appreciated <3

Masterlist. Requests.

Series Masterlist.

You probably should have noticed something was wrong way before you did.

That's the thing about elusive people - and Spencer Reid is one mysterious man.

In many ways, he wears his heart on his sleeve. He doesn't filter his words like most people do - he'll tell you exactly what he thinks, exactly what he feels. He doesn't sugar coat, he doesn't exaggerate. You can always count on Spencer to tell it to you straight.

But he's not exactly an open book. You know he had a difficult childhood - you've pieced some of it together based on anecdotes and passing comments. You know he's the youngest person to ever work for the FBI, never mind the esteemed Behavioural Analysis Unit. You know he's gentle, kind, loving, supportive, and the best friend and colleague you could ever ask for.

It's just that some days, it feels like there's still so much you don't know. Which is why you never really saw this coming.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

It's Monday.

Spencer Reid has a black eye.

It's not unusual for you to show up to work on Monday with Fridays injuries. Bruises, scrapes, broken bones. They all come along as a part of the job. But the last case you worked didn't involve any physical altercations. No, in fact, it was a surprisingly easy arrest. So why is Spencer black and blue?

He sits down at his desk and turns on his computer, unaware of the way you're watching him like a hawk. Reading him like a book. You're replaying the events of the last case, trying to piece together exactly when Spencer had gotten hurt without you knowing.

"Hey, Spence?" you call, making your way over to where he's sat cross legged in his chair.

His eyes flick up and meet yours, and something in you churns. An alarm bell goes off somewhere in your distant mind, but you silence it, perching on the edge of his desk.

"Are you okay?"

He smiles at you gently, enamoured with the care you reserve just for him.

"I'm good. How are you? How was your weekend? Did you go to the new farmers market in the end? Did you start that book I got you?"

It's not unusual for him to ask you twenty questions at once, so you try to answer them as best as you can, eyes still glued to his shiny bruise.

"Yeah, I'm good. It was good, despite all that rain we had. Luke took me to the farmers market, and we tried these new grapes. Did you know they made grapes that taste like cotton candy? I saved you some, they're in my bag. I'm on chapter three of the book, so nothing has really happened yet. Where'd you get the bruise, Genius?"

You're hoping that your rambling will catch him off guard, and he'll answer without thinking. He looks at you carefully, considering his reply. No such luck.

"Fell in my kitchen. Tripped over my own damn shoes, smacked my face straight into the counter," he chuckles.

It does sound like Spencer. He's clumsy on the best of days, always dropping something or stumbling next to you. It's not far fetched that his own feet have caused him an injury.

You drop the issue, and laugh along with the team when they tease him about his physical ineptitude.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

It's Tuesday.

Spencer Reid is a bad liar.

You're both settled into the cushions of your couch, eyes glued to the television screen. You're watching reruns of a 90s sitcom, the laugh track echoing around the apartment.

"That paramedic was totally checking you out today," you tease gently, poking him with your foot.

A blush instantly rises to his cheeks, the rosy tint a familar picture.

"No she wasn't," he counters, tripping over his words. "She was just doing her job."

"If by doing her job you mean undressing you with her eyes, then yes, she was doing her job."

You're both laughing - you at Spencer's bashful expression, him at your obliviousness.

"Are you jealous?"

He means to tease you, but it comes out more serious than intended. Your smile drops into a surprised smirk, eyebrows raising in shock.

You sit in silence for a minute, before you confess quietly.

"Maybe a little."

Spencer tries to process your words, but his brain doesn't want to work, apparently.

"Wait... you are?"

"I guess," you mutter lowly. "I just... forget I said anything. She was really pretty. Maybe I was just a little intimated."

You jokingly nudge him with your shoulder, and go back to watching the TV. Spencer's brain finally reboots and starts running a mile a minute, thoughts flying around like comets shooting through the night sky.

You sit together for hours, slipping into sleep gently. It isn't unusual for the two of you to doze off on the couch. Sleepovers happen regularly, both of you completely comfortable with the other person.

It's 3am when Spencer shoots up, pulling on his converse frantically.

"What's wrong?" you panic, trying to rub the sleep from your eyes.

"Nothing. I just, uh, I have to go."

He grabs his bag and beelines for the front door without so much as stopping to explain himself.

"Spencer!" you call after him, willing him to slow down for minute. "Has something happened?"

"No, it's fine. I'll, uh, explain some other time. Just... just get some sleep. I've really gotta run."

And with that, he's out the door, leaving you bleary eyed and confused in the middle of your living room.

You fall asleep on the couch, head resting on the sweater that Spencer left behind in his rush to leave.

You're half convinced you've dreamt the events of the evening.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

It's Wednesday.

Spencer Reid isn't at work.

Spencer Reid is always at work.

Emily regularly has to remind him to take time off. Luke teases that he'll steal his vacation hours if Spence doesn't use them. He's always sat at his desk, waiting for everyone else to arrive every morning.

Which is why his absence is making you worried.

The occurrences of last night are still replaying in your head like a stuck video tape, repeating over and over again. You're over analysing every word he said, every move he made. Leaving in a hurry without reason is so unlike Spencer. You consider supernatural forces, or possession, or Freaky Friday style body swapping. There's no logical explanation for his behaviour, you're convinced. Monday's black eye floats back into your mind, and your heart rate rises ever so slightly.

You march up the stairs and knock on Emily's office window with a bit more force than originally intended.

"Come in."

You swing the door open and slam it shut behind you, anxiety coursing through your veins.

"Hey, hey. Are you alright?" she asks, watching the way your eyes are flicking around the room, looking for clues.

"Where's Spencer?"

"What?"

"Emily. Where's Spencer?"

She gets up from her chair to stand in front of you, placing her hands on your shoulders.

"He's sick, some sort of flu, he thinks. I've told him to go back to bed, and to call if he needs anything."

Her words don't reassure you like she thought they would.

"Did he sound sick?"

"Huh?"

"Did he sound sick, when he called?"

"I don't know, really. I guess so."

"You're a profiler, Emily. You should be able to tell if he's sick or not," you snap.

"Woah," she counters. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

You sit down in the nearest chair, and run your hands over your face.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," she reassures, kneeling in front of you. "Tell me what's going on, and I can try to help."

"It's nothing, I'm sure," you rationalise. "I'm just worried about him. Something's off, but I have no idea what it is."

You take a deep breath, Emily rubbing soothing circles into your knee.

"You know, if he were to talk to anyone about what was wrong, it'd be you."

"You think?"

"I don't think, I know."

It's no secret that you and Spencer are close. You've been best friends from the minute you joined the team, forming a connection instantly. As the years have gone by, the feelings have gotten stronger, but the both of you are too scared to admit it to yourselves or each other. You'd do anything for him, and he would do anything for you.

"Maybe you're right. I'll go over there after work and talk to him, see if I can get him to open up."

Emily leans down and gives you a hug, squeezing you a little tighter than usual.

"I'm always here for you. Both of you."

"I know," you smile gratefully. "I appreciate it, boss."

Just as you're leaving her office, Penelope calls you all into the briefing room, giving you no time to think about what could potentially be going on.

You look at the victims faces on the screen, and every single one seems to look like Spencer Reid.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

It's Thursday.

Spencer Reid is having a panic attack.

He's back at work, making a seemingly miraculous recovery from his short lived illness. You went to his apartment last night after work as promised, but your knocking went unanswered. You don't know where he was, but you're worried.

You've been watching him across the bullpen all morning. You're surveying him carefully when his breathing becomes rapid, eyes flickering around the room. He stands up abruptly, practically running from his desk. You follow him instinctively, all the way into the men's bathroom. He's leaning over the sink, hands gripping the porcelain, knuckles turning white. His eyes are locked on himself in the mirror. He looks as if he doesn't recognise who he sees.

"Spence?" you urge gently, careful to keep your voice low. "Are you alright?"

His gaze meets yours over his shoulder, and he tenses even more. A wave of anxiety rolls through you. Usually, Spencer sees you and relaxes - you're like a breath of fresh air. Suddenly, you're not sure where you stand with him.

"Spence, please. Talk to me. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," he snaps.

He's never taken that tone with you before. It doesn't make you as sad as it probably should. No, it makes you angry.

"Don't you dare speak to me that way," you hiss, pointing your finger at him. "I am trying to help you. Don't push me away."

"What's it gonna take for you to leave me alone?" he asks viciously.

Your mouth drops open in disbelief, shock painting your features.

"You know what? Fine. Message received."

You turn on your heel and stride towards the door, stopping when you've swung it open. You look at him over your shoulder, and shake your head, a humourless laugh escaping you.

"Fuck you, Spencer Reid."

You slam the door behind you, leaving him alone, chest heaving and hands shaking.

✵

You're marching back to your desk when JJ calls the team together. You take a deep breath and try to release the anger from your body, but it proves difficult. It's tangled itself around your bones, running through your blood like a flash flood. You paint a smile on your face, and take your seat in the briefing room.

Spencer joins a couple of minutes later, choosing to sit across the table, rather than in his usual chair next to you. Luke takes the place instead, and reaches over to rest a hand on your thigh.

"You okay?" he murmurs lowly, careful to not make a scene.

"Yeah," you whisper back, fingers tangling with his where they rest on your leg. "I'm okay."

JJ pulls up the case details on the screen, and Luke doesn't let go of your hand.

"Where are we jetting off to today?" Matt asks, all eyes on the blonde at the front of the room.

"Nowhere, actually. Local, this time."

Everyone breathes a sigh of relief, glad to stay close to home.

"Okay, the nearest PD have just sent this case through, and it's... weird."

"Weird how?" Tara enquires. It's not often that JJ comments on a case before she's shared all of the details.

"It's a man hunt, of sorts. They're calling him a vigilante."

"Ooo, like a supervillain?" Luke chuckles.

When JJ doesn't laugh, he doubles down.

"Wait, we're not actually catching a supervillain, are we?"

Everyone turns to JJ, who looks just as confused as the rest of you feel.

"Well... kinda?"

You allow your eyes to flick to Spencer, who's still breathing heavily, hand gripping the edge of the table. JJ clicks the remote in her hand, and a picture of a man in a red suit appears on the screen.

"This is the guy they're calling Spiderman. He's been spotted at multiple crime scenes over the last few weeks. He's making a hell of a lot of people very suspicious."

"Spiderman? Why is his costume red?" Tara asks, a hint of laughter in her voice.

"Aren't there red spiders?" Rossi counters.

"Reid, are there red spiders?"

All heads turn to look at Spencer, who's gone completely pale. He tunes into the conversation, clearly not listening.

"Hmm?"

"I said, are there red spiders?"

"Yeah," he replies shortly. Everyone waits for him to spit his facts, to explain the different species, but he doesn't. His head drops slightly, a signal that he's done talking.

Everyone watches him in puzzlement, confused by his sudden silence.

"Anyway," JJ starts, "he's been linked to a number of local crimes. It started off as battery, assault, GBH - but last night there was a murder downtown, and he was spotted at the scene. He's prime suspect."

"Apart from, we don't know who he is," Matt adds.

"Exactly. That's why the police department have called us in. They can't handle it on their own."

Penelope starts to pass around case files, everyone flicking through at their own pace. Spencer doesn't even open his, just stares at it where it sits on the table.

"Reid, are you alright?" Emily asks, concerned.

"I'm fine. I just need some air," he replies quickly, taking his papers and striding out of the room.

You watch him go, squeezing Lukes hand a little harder.

✵ ✵ ·　 ✵ 　　 * · ✵

It's Friday.

Spencer Reid is in trouble.

He's in too deep.

He can't remember the last time he took a deep breath.

His shoulders are so tense, it's a struggle to pull his sweater on.

His hands shake as he reads the case file from yesterday again.

Spiderman. Male. Mid twenties to early thirties. Slim build. Tall. Local - knows the area. Must have a connection to the police - perhaps his own radio.

Spencer accidentally knocks his knee into the desk, and winces. The wound he haphazardly stitched throbs beneath his corduroy trousers, and he prays he's not about to bleed through the material. People are asking enough questions as it is.

"Reid, Alvez, grab your jackets. You're going to the crime scene," Emily calls from up the stairs.

You watch as Spencer rises from his chair, making note of the way he's carefully putting more weight on his right leg. He rolls his shoulders once, twice, three times, before picking up his bag and heading out the door. Luke shoots you a wink as he follows him out, making you smile gently.

You decide to take a trip to see Garcia. She always knows how to take your mind off things.

You cruise into her office, instantly sitting in her spare chair, twirling in circles.

"God, you and Genius are like the same person," she giggles. "He does the exact same thing when he comes in here."

You smile instinctively, and then remember the way he spoke to you yesterday. The way he's treated you this week. The way he's acted as if you didn't exist all day. Your smile fades, and she notices.

"Is everything okay with you two?"

You sigh, and take a deep breath to try and prevent yourself from crying.

"I don't know."

"Oh, honey."

Penelope rolls over to you in her chair, wrapping her arms around you tightly.

"He won't tell me what's wrong, and pushes me away when I try to ask. We had a fight yesterday, and now he won't even look at me. I don't know what I've done to make him hate me all of a sudden," you sob, tears running down your cheeks.

"He doesn't hate you," she murmurs soothingly into your hair. "He loves you more than anyone in the entire world."

"I'm not so sure that's true," you whisper.

"It is. I promise you. He's never been good at talking about his feelings. I'm sure whatever it is, he'll tell you soon enough. You'll work this out - you always do."

You let her hold you for a little longer, sinking into her embrace. Maybe she's right. Maybe it'll all be alright.

✵

After work, you try to relax.

You cook dinner, run yourself a bubble bath. You watch a cheesy movie, eat the good chocolate you've been saving. You snuggle into the couch, pulling a blanket over your legs. But you can't settle.

Usually, a Friday night would mean a sleepover. You and Spencer order takeout, tangle your legs together and fall asleep, chattering about nothing and everything. But tonight, you're alone. You can't stand it anymore.

Throwing on the sweater that Spencer left on Tuesday, you slip on your shoes and get in your car. You drive on autopilot, mind zoned out completely. Before you know it, you're parking on the street below Spencer's apartment building.

You're met with silence when you knock on the door. You try again, and still, nothing.

A choked sob escapes you, and you rest your forehead against the wood. The tears flow freely, forming a puddle on the welcome mat.

The welcome mat.

You pull it back roughly, and find the spare key that he irresponsibly leaves there. Letting yourself into his apartment, you inhale deeply. It smells so distinctly like Spencer. The familar scent used to bring you comfort. Now, it just makes you cry harder.

You collapse on his kitchen floor, letting your head fall back against the cabinet. After an hour or so, you allow your eyes to drift closed, knees hugged tightly to your chest.

✵

You're abruptly awoken by a door slamming shut.

You jump to your feet, and let out a startled sound. Running into the living room, you expect to see Spencer, but he's nowhere to be found. You tune in to the sound of running water, and assume he's in the shower. You perch on the edge of the couch and wait.

"What are you doing here?" Spencer asks as he makes his way into the room.

He doesn't sound scared, or confused, or shocked. It almost feels like he knew you were here.

"I couldn't sleep," you reply cautiously. "Where have you been? It's 4am."

"I couldn't sleep either."

"Yeah? Then why are you bleeding?"

He turns towards the mirror on the wall, and lays eyes on a gash across his cheekbone. He definitely didn't see that before.

"Slipped in the shower."

You jump to your feet, rage fuelling your movements.

"Stop fucking lying!"

Now he looks shocked. He's taken aback, stepping away from you slowly.

"I... I'm not," he says meekly. He doesn't even believe his own lie.

"You're doing it again! What did I do, Spencer? What did I do to lose all of your trust?!"

He tries to calm you down, but it just makes you angrier.

"Tell me!" you scream at him. "I'm going insane, Spencer! I'm going fucking insane!"

"It's not your fault," he tries to explain. "You haven't done anything wrong, I promise."

"Then why don't you love me anymore?" you sob. Your knees give way, and you fall to the ground, cries wracking your exhausted frame.

Spencer's heart breaks so hard, he's convicted he can hear it shatter.

He strides over, wrapping his arms around you as tightly as he can. The contact makes you cry more, tears soaking into his t shirt.

"I could never stop loving you," he whispers. "Nothing in the world could ever make me stop loving you."

You pull back to look at him, astounded by his confession.

"I'm trying to protect you," he continues quietly. "I'm doing this because I love you."

You thread your hands through his hair and pull him towards you, pressing your lips to his urgently. He cradles your face and kisses you back, ignoring the way your tears drip down his face. You tug him closer, desperate for this moment to never end.

He's finally here. Back in your arms, where he belongs.

Eventually, you pull away, gasping for air. He looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky, and his eyes well up with emotion.

"Hey," you soothe, stroking his cheek with your thumb gently. "It's okay. You're okay. We're okay."

"I feel like I'm drowning," he whispers.

"Whatever it is, Spence, we'll figure it out. We always do."

"What if we can't this time?"

"Then we come up with a plan B. And a plan C. And a plan D. We've got at least 26 plans before we run out of letters."

He chuckles, but there's no laughter in it. You tilt his chin towards you, so your eyes are locked.

"I'm not going anywhere," you murmur. "No matter what it is, I'm not going anywhere."

He takes a deep breath, and releases it shakily.

"Promise?"

You smile gently, and take a deep breath to mirror his.

"I promise."

He nods slowly, and moves to sit in front of you cross legged. You match his movements and do the same, facing him assuredly.

"I have to tell you something. And you can't tell anyone, ever," he begins. "It's going to change the way you look at me. It's going to change the way you love me. It's going to change everything."

"You can tell me, Spence," you reassure. "You can trust me."

Spencer takes a deep breath - and then a second, and a third. His eyes bore into yours, and he inhales again, before uttering the words that will undoubtedly change both of your lives completely.

"I'm Spiderman."

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nunalastor · 20 days

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tbh one of my biggest fandom pet peeves has got to be when people judge works by the same literary standards

because then you get annoying arguments like "it's not that deep" or "this interpretation is wrong because of this minor detail"

often, it has a lot to do with the type of creative who made the show and their intention.

with shows like breaking bad, hannibal, walking dead? a significant amount of the work is probably that deep. they're very traditional writers / film makers, one person is responsible for a lot of things and has a lot of creative control. so, they tend to care about things like color and name symbolism, foreshadowing, etc. etc. and if you read interviews with creators like greg nicotero, bryan fuller, or vince gilligan, you get a sense that a lot goes into every detail and there are massive canon bibles. it doesn't always mean it's true of every episode - but it is true of a significant amount of the work.

and it's not just fancy dramas - it's also sitcoms and animated shows/movies like over the garden wall and most disney stuff from the 90s like the lion king. but people are quick to dismiss those genres as "not that deep".

those are just some of the more obvious examples off my head.

then there are works that are somewhere in the between like a lot of modern sitcoms like community, most marvel movies, bluey, rick and morty, bojack horseman, and helluva boss/hazbin hotel where the creators put a lot of time, effort, and depth into certain ideas or parts of a work but are just having a good time with others. often, they can't be as precious with the work because there are a lot of people working on it. so, at the end of the day, their focus is good overall storytelling, good characters, or humor/entertainment.

their characters aren't always meant to be 100% in character. their world-building isn't always going to be 100% consistent - either because they don't have creative control over all of it or it's just not a priority for them. and on the most extreme end (e.g. marvel's civil war), they're going to shove characters into certain roles for the bigger picture theme/idea or do something extreme with them for a laugh (e.g. alastor doesn't sleep/shower- alastor would wear his clothes in the shower).

because at the end of the day, they want to tell a good story or good joke and there's more of a micro vs. macro focus. some people are focused on characters. some people are focused on the world. some people are focused on certain episodes.

but fandom tends to go to one of two extremes and dismiss it all as not-that-deep or try to analysis it by the same standards as something that's written more traditionally

for me? hazbin/helluva boss very much fit into that latter category.

a lot of parts of the show are just not that deep. the creators probably don't care about name or color symbolism. there are a lot of contradictory uses of it in the show. often, the names are picked arbitrarily (lute = lieutenant, sera/em = seraphim) because they had been calling them that so long

viv likes world-building and has assigned colors to each ring and differentiated male/female imps and classes of characters ... but she changes stuff a lot and would rather have a good shot than be nitpicky about color symbolism. she changes things so often, she forgets about's been established as canon. oftentimes, she dosn't want to sacrifice a cool design for something nitpicky.

she's not precious about every aspect of her characters' specific personalities - but you also can't totally dismiss them as not-that-deep because she does care a lot about certain personality traits and the arc the character will take based on it (e.g. blitzo's trust issues).

but in fandom, people use both extremes as a way to shit talk other creators' interpretations or police how they write or draw and it's just so tiring.

#hazbin hotel #discourse

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vintagetvstars · 10 days

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Betty White Vs. Gracie Allen

Propaganda

Betty White - (The Mary Tyler Moore Show, The Golden Girls, Life With Elizabeth) - I mean - does she really need an introduction? It's Betty White, people! The First Lady Of Television! What *hasn't* she done? She had an incredible career (in fact, she earned the Guinness World Record for the longest TV career by a female entertainer *twice*!) with an infinite list of successes - she won seven Emmys, three SAG awards, and even a Grammy. I personally know her best for her spectacular portrayal of Rose Nylund in The Golden Girls, but she's played so many great characters in her long career. A lesser known but marvelously charming role is that of the titular character in Life With Elizabeth, a 1950s sitcom which she also co-produced at the age of *28*! She was also a great advocate for a number of causes - animal welfare, gay rights (she used to accompany her friend Liberace to events to help him avoid being outed as gay), and racial equality: she famously hired Arthur Duncan, a Black tap dancer, on one of her shows, and when threatened with going off-air if he wasn't fired, she just declared "He stays, live with it." She's the whole package - amazing actress (and comedienne and producer!), kind and hilarious, and of course - beautiful! Just look at her - that smile! Those eyes! That charm!! Watch her in action if you can (they're too long to link here, but entire episodes of Life With Elizabeth are on youtube!), but honestly - her pictures alone are enough to make me swoon!

Gracie Allen - (The George Burns and Gracie Allen Show) - she's SO funny

Master Poll List of the Hot Vintage TV Ladies Bracket

Additional propaganda below the cut

Betty White:

Have you seen her?? Look me in the eyes and tell me that Betty White's smile doesn't have the power to turn anyone's heart to mush. She looks adorable one moment, and can come up with the most out of pocket lines the next (all while still looking innocent about it). People know her best as Rose Nylund in The Golden Girls, of course, where she played the show's most naive character. But reportedly, Betty was actually the cleverest person on set. She didn't even have to learn her lines; reading the script once was enough for her, and she'd be able to remember any additional changes throughout the week without a problem. Which is pretty amazing if you ask me! Anyway, Betty is an icon. Her television career spanned seven (7!!!) decades, covering basically the entire tournament's time period (and then some!). She *almost* turned 100 and her outliving other celebrities was a Tumblr meme for ages. She had her own talkshow in the 1950s, for which she hired a female director, and had an African-American tap dancer (Arthur Duncan) as a regular cast member. When faced with criticism for the latter and the threat of being boycotted, Betty responded with "I'm sorry. Live with it" and gave Duncan *more* airtime. She was also the first woman to ever produce a sitcom (Life with Elizabeth) in which she played the lead, and looked absolutely stunning doing it. All in all: Betty was a badass, had a heart of gold, and she's absolutely stunning!

I think I might cry at how pretty she is honestly

that SMILE!!!

some soft butch realness

she's even pretty when she's not smiling... ahh...

she is marvelously bitchy as Sue Ann Nivens. please for the love of god watch these videos

Betty White / Sue Ann Moment #1: Coffee Experts Agree

youtube

Betty White / Sue Ann Moment #3: Massive Mudslides Wreak Havoc

youtube

Betty White / Sue Ann Moment #5: Have a Sexy Birthday

youtube

Gracie Allen:

Gracie Allen--Best Lines Compilation 1

youtube

#vintage tv stars poll #tv ladies 1 #betty white #gracie allen #Youtube

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justzawe · 3 months

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Zawe Ashton Covers AMAZING Magazine | Issue 4

Actor, author, playwright and new mum Zawe Ashton adds another string to her bow: supervillain. As she joins the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she tells AMAZING about her love of poetry, getting physical on the set of The Marvels and the unwavering support of her own parents.

Zawe Ashton is no stranger to playing the antagonist. From her very first film role as rude schoolgirl Bianca in 2009’s St Trinian's 2: The Legend Of Fritton's Gold, to playing the intimidatingly cool Violet “Vod” Nordstrom in four seasons of student sitcom Fresh Meat and – more recently - as the rejected Julia Thistlewaite in 2022 period drama, Mr. Malcolm’s List, Ashton has a knack for taking on characters who appear unlikeable on paper… and making audiences fall in love with them. However, for her latest role as Dar-Benn in The Marvels, she had to go full villain.

“Very little can prepare you to have to embody an antagonist at this level, in a Universe that is literally not known to anyone – like our Space - and to make it real and impactful,” says the London-born actor, a new recruit to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. “There's something deeply humbling about having to return to the sandbox; you have to go back to the playground and that was something I was not expecting. You have to indulge in adult play and it’s surprisingly vulnerable. I know that there are gamers out there, there are cosplayers out there, there are adults who have managed to keep that level of childlike play going and I respect it so much. There's a self-consciousness that can take over if you are not careful. Trying to react realistically to a laser coming towards you is not something I’d done since I was seven years old, and I had to get to that level of childlike confidence to just delve into the imagination. Once that was all clearer, the villainous elements came so much from the physical world, with costume and hair.”

For 39-year-old Ashton, adult play will likely become a more frequent fixture in her life, thanks to her most exciting new role – as a mother. She welcomed her first child in 2022 with fiancé Tom Hiddleston, her co-star in the 2019 revival of Harold Pinter's Betrayal on London’s West End, later transferred to Broadway. “What has genuinely surprised me about motherhood is how much I don't feel ready to talk about it,” she laughs. “And this isn’t to shut down the conversation. I have gained so much insight from public people who have this incredible candour and this disarming, relatable dialogue about it very early on, but it's something that I am just dedicating time to absorbing. I’m listening rather than expelling energy. That genuinely has surprised me, because it's something you want to shout from the rooftops about; it's the most unparalleled, most important role in my life. The surprise has been how quiet I want to be about it. Maybe that's also me as a writer and this is something that will come through the pen at some point.”

Ashton attended London’s Anna Scher Theatre School from the age of six and was a member of the National Youth Theatre, before getting her degree in acting at Manchester Metropolitan University, but writing has always been significant in her life. She won the London Poetry Slam Championship in 2000, becoming the event’s youngest winner, at 17. “I may have been knocked off that pillar long ago, but in my head I'm still the youngest,” she laughs. “I love poetry. I had not written for a really long time; during the pandemic I lost a huge chunk of my creative soul when it came to putting pen to paper, which was really scary and was clearly the fallout of being in survival mode and feeling quite fearful. People's attention spans just went all sorts of different ways, didn't they? It was very hard for me to read, and it was very hard for me to write, which is very strange for me.

“More recently, a friend of mine from drama school who I used to do open mic nights with in Manchester – I used to perform poetry and she used to sing - asked me to write a poem for her wedding. I had a few moments where it was really tough, but I did it. I love her and I'm so happy for her, and being inspired enough to get a poem out and read it aloud really opened the floodgates. So, weirdly enough, I've been writing a lot of poetry recently and found a new love for it. I will always continue to use poetry as a way to understand the world. It's just so much part of who I am.”

For Zawe's full interview and shoot, order your copy of AMAZING issue 4 now. The Marvels is out now.

#zawe ashton #amazing magazine #interview

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musclesandhammering · 5 months

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Unpopular Phase 4 & 5 Opinions

Quantumania is the worst Phase 4/5 movie. And it wasn’t even because “kang got beat by ants.” (I liked kang in this movie). It’s just that the Spy Kids aesthetic & bad acting & overall weird vibes just weren’t for me.

Love and Thunder is no worse than Ragnarok. I would argue that it’s better in a lot of ways, actually. I really liked it.

Taika Waititi ruined thor with bad humour all the way back in Ragnarok tbh, but y’all weren’t complaining about it then 😒.

BuckySarah is better than sambucky every day of the week.

The Marvels was a good ass movie & they’re one of my favorite teams in the mcu. I’ll never forgive cbm sites & online dudebros for killing the hype from the moment the film was announced.

I adore America Chavez & Kamala Kahn and I want to see them in everything. They must be protected at all costs.

Multiverse of Madness had shitty characterisation & basically just copy-pasted the ‘grief made me go off the deep end & hurt people, then I realised and stopped myself’ storyline from Wandavision… but Wanda was extremely selfish & apathetic to other people’s suffering from the time she was introduced in the mcu. MoM didn’t make her like that.

Wanda should’ve been looking for Vision (her actual real life boyfriend whom she spent years with irl) in MoM instead of the kids that weren’t even real that she spent like a week using as characters in her sitcom.

Making everyone forget Peter Parker wasn’t profound or poetic in any way- it was just frustrating and needlessly cruel.

I’m begging marvel to understand that heroes don’t have to be in constant suffering to be heroic & villains don’t have to sacrifice themselves to achieve redemption. Let characters heal and atone, you absolute weirdos.

What If…? is the most boring show ever. I’d rather watch Secret Invasion or She-Hulk.

Season 2 of Loki is, in a cinematic & artistic sense, the best marvel project period.

Loki season 1 was meh- more of a fun au than anything because his characterisation kinda sucked. Season 2 fixed it, though, and made it way easier for me to incorporate this version of Loki back into the larger mcu.

Having Steve stay in the past with Peggy was stupid af.

I don’t hate Peggy (or Captain Carter), though. I actually think she’s pretty cool.

I don’t really love Steve. He’s arrogant & they never really let him have flaws & something about him being a perfect metaphor for the American military industrial complex (and marvel painting that as a good thing) doesn’t sit right with me.

The Illuminati got done dirty and the only reason they went down so fast was because Wanda had all that plot armor.

I thought the retcon of having Wanda be “destined” to become the Scarlet Witch since birth was an annoying cop-out. Her powers originating from being experimented on with an infinity stone was way more interesting.

Loki & Wanda have almost the exact same powers.

Nebula deserved a bigger rule in killing Thanos & everything else moving forward.

I love Kathryn Newton but her acting as Cassie Lang was the worst acting I’ve ever seen in the mcu, like it was outrageously bad.

I’m glad Sam is the new Captain America and not Bucky.

The fact that Bucky probably isn’t gonna be one of Thee lead characters in the upcoming avengers movies feels sick and twisted.

Secret Invasion was actually passable until the G’iah scene at the end. That ruined it. And Nick Fury deserved way better for his solo series.

Kang is so much more interesting than Doctor Doom. I really hope they just recast him.

Carol Danvers does NOT deserve the hate she gets.

I actually disliked Carol until The Marvels. That movie made me a stan.

The way people treat Monica as Wanda’s little inferior pet creation or smth & then brag about it is uhh very sus.

I don’t like sylvie (bc she’s an amalgamation of 3 different comic characters- which killed any hopes of them appearing individually in the mcu, the creators used her existence to butcher Loki’s genderfluid rep, & she was written poorly) & I HATE sylki (bc it’s weird & unnecessary).

Marvel isn’t dead. I actually love where they’re taking things. But that’s just me.

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worstcharacterpoll · 1 year

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Thanks for playing! Here's the summary (long post incoming)

[Image description: A 32-entry tournament bracket in black and red titled "Tumblr's most hated." It is a visual representation of the summary described below. Notably, Ross as the "winner" is wearing a Burger King paper crown, and Walter White and Mort as revival contestants have steel chairs edited in next to them. End ID]

First round summary with bracket links (see the individual posts for vote counts, percentages, and comments):

Vriska Serket (Homestuck) vs. Pearl (Steven Universe); Vriska won

Rex (Victorious) vs. Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty); Rick won

Ansem the Wise (Kingdom Hearts) vs. Gul Dukat (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine); Ansem TW won

Kylo Ren (Star Wars) vs. Kokichi Ouma (Danganronpa); Kylo won

Scrappy Doo (Scooby-Doo) vs. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory); Sheldon won

Pierre (Stardew Valley) vs. Mort (Madagascar); Pierre won

Seraphine (League of Legends) vs. Heimskr (Skyrim); Heimskr won

Jurgen Leitner (The Magnus Archives) vs. Andre Glacier (Miraculous Ladybug); Andre won

Walter White (Breaking Bad) vs. Light Yagami (Death Note); Light won

Buck Cluck (Chicken Little) vs. Ross Geller (Friends); Ross won

Bramblestar (Warriors) vs. Starlight Glimmer (My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic); Bramblestar won

Goro Akechi (Persona 5) vs. Pariston Hill (Hunter x Hunter); Pariston won

Katsuki Bakugo (My Hero Academia) vs. Berdly (Deltarune); Katsuki won

Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel) vs. The Impostor (Among Us); Angel won

Olaf (Frozen) vs. Hooty (The Owl House); Olaf won

Zenos viator Galvus (Final Fantasy XIV) vs. Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe); Tony won

In the second round, I brought back Walter and Mort because they lost by slim margins in the first round. Here's the summary:

Vriska Serket (Homestuck) vs. Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty); Rick won

Ansem the Wise (Kingdom Hearts) vs. Kylo Ren (Star Wars); Kylo won

Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) vs. Pierre (Stardew Valley); Sheldon won

Heimskr (Skyrim) vs. Andre Glacier (Miraculous Ladybug) vs. Walter White (Breaking Bad); Andre won

Light Yagami (Death Note) vs. Ross Geller (Friends); Ross won

Bramblestar (Warriors) vs. Pariston Hill (Hunter x Hunter) vs. Mort (Madagascar); Mort won

Katsuki Bakugo (My Hero Academia) vs. Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel); Angel won

Olaf (Frozen) vs. Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe); Tony won

Round 3 was when I got marked as spam and shadowbanned (I know it wasn't actually a "shadowban," but that's the term) so there were less votes overall in this round. But I don't think redoing the round would have altered the results, and they still got over 1k votes each.

Rick Sanchez (Rick and Morty) vs. Kylo Ren (Star Wars); Kylo won

Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) vs. Andre Glacier (Miraculous Ladybug); Sheldon won

Ross Geller (Friends) vs. Mort (Madagascar); Ross won

Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel) vs. Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe); Tony won

In the semifinals we were down to four live-action white dudes which I find kind of sums up what kind of character people on tumblr hate on its own. These were a week long because I was still shadowbanned but I think I got my blog restored partway through this round.

Kylo Ren (Star Wars) vs. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory); Sheldon won

Ross Geller (Friends) vs. Tony Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe); Ross won

And then there were two, and I did my best to create art for the finals so please check it out in the link.

Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) vs. Ross Geller (Friends)

Ross won. It wasn't even that close. So as promised, he was publicly executed. In Skyrim. Because what else would it be.

Personally I never watched Friends so Ross sweeping was not what I expected lol. There were some characters I put on opposite ends of the bracket because I thought the finals would be Vriska vs. Bakugo or Kylo vs. Tony or something like that. But it turns out people really hate annoying sitcom dudes, at least from the sample size that voted in this poll.

I'm doing another tournament soon and I'm currently taking nominations so please check out @youngersiblingstournament if you're interested :) thanks for playing!

#worst character poll

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cha0ticlesbian · 5 months

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I’m about to make a sitcom style AU with my favorite marvel characters in the sims y’all

#carol danvers #captain marvel #kamala khan #ms marvel #monica rambeau #photon #the marvels #loki #loki laufeyson #mobius m mobius #valkyrie mcu #valcarol #lokius

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get-hamilton-on-your-side · 10 months

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I've been seeing posts like these going around lately, and I don't want to start Discourse™️, but I do think it's an interesting conversation to be had.

OP mentions that this is a sentiment occurring in younger viewers, and I think there are lots of reasons for this response. I'm in my early twenties, and growing up, romance was pretty much guaranteed for any book/movie/TV series with a YA audience, even if it wasn't specifically in the romance genre. There were largely popular romance series, of course, (Twilight, The Selection, etc.), but romance was also integral to several series NOT centered around romance. The Series Which Shall Not Be Named ends in a hetero utopia, where basically every member of the original crew grows up, marries each other, and all have kids. Almost every main character of Rick Riordan's series experiences a committed romantic relationship, with the exception of Reyna, (although she's mostly a side character throughout HoO) and Meg (who is a god, and an actual child). The Hunger Games has fewer romantic pairings, but the marketing for those movies were very dedicated to the "love triangle" narrative between Katniss, Peeta, and Gale.

The dedication to establishing romantic relationships does appear somewhat differently for male/masculine and female/feminine coded characters well. For example, I've seen multiple series have a sort of "7th wheel syndrome" where one member of a friend group is made fun of and/or left out in some way because they're the only one not in a relationship. Shows like The Big Bang Theory majorly have this problem, where every character's main goal in life is to fall in love and have a family. In TBBT, Raj has major dating troubles and actually ends up settling for an arranged marriage because his friends are all married and he doesn't want to end up alone. Riordan's HoO series, once again, paints Leo as a tragic figure for being the only single person on the Argo II, but his self worth is finally in tact by the end of the series when he saves the day and gets the girl. Fez in That 70s Show is regularly made fun of for his inability to get a girl. It's not lost on me that many of the male characters in these situations are POC.

While male characters are set up with a last-minute shoehorned romance, female characters (particularly white women) are often given a love interest planned from the beginning. I love Marissa Meyer's Lunar Chronicles but I was kind of dumbfounded by the end because every one of the 8 major characters ends the series in a committed relationship. Every single Disney princess up until 2012 had a prince (although, this has since changed---the only princess post-2012 with a prince is Anna).

And then, of course, you have the plethora of sitcoms that end with every character (or at least every main character) happily in a relationship. New Girl, Parks and Rec, Friends, The Office, The Good Place, Ghosts (US). Even shows like Phineas and Ferb assure the audience that the couples stay together when they're grown up. Almost every Marvel and DC superhero has a love interest, and most action heroes have a girl to save.

Don't get me wrong, I think many of the romances in the media I've talked about so far are good, well-written, and well-established. But based on the previous track-record of shoehorned romances, that is a concern I have about shows like Stranger Things (I won't talk much about The Bear because I haven't seen that show). Stranger Things has highlighted friendship as a major theme in the show, but as the characters have grown older, they've explored various romantic relationships as well. Many people online have already discussed how they fear relationships will be shoehorned in at the end of Season 5, since it is the final season. Ships like stancy, where it's clear that they wouldn't really work well together. I agree with Maya Hawke's sentiment about delving deeper into her friendships. It has been established that she has a crush on Vickie, but we've barely seen them together, and in a show that has to balance SO many different characters, I'm not sure it would serve the show well to put Robin in a romantic relationship. (There is, of course, another conversation to be had about how minority characters are presented in romantic relationships in media. Lesbian relationships are less commonly found in media and they can be really important to some viewers. My agreeing with Hawke is just my 2 cents as an ace lesbian. Other users have also mentioned that when it comes to The Bear, it can be harmful to perpetuate that a Black woman character shouldn't be in a relationship with the main white guy. I haven't seen the show and I myself am not Black, so I won't weigh in on that aspect, but it is another thing to consider in this conversation).

With romance so prevalent in media, it makes sense that our generation is taking a steep turn in the other direction. We've been shown all our lives that romance and sex trumps friendship in importance, but that's not how many of us actually live. Younger people are having sex less. I'm 22 and I'd say half of my friends are not currently in a romantic relationship, and many of them aren't looking for one. I know plenty of adults as well who are happily single, not looking for any more romance in their lives. Even the way people are experiencing romantic and sexual relationships is vastly different from what is shown on TV as there are more openly queer individuals, queer platonic relationships, and polyamory is becoming more prevalent.

I'm not an expert by any means, so take everything I say with a grain of salt. This is all based on my own observation and there is still a lot of media out there that don't have romance as a focal point, media like The Lord of the Rings, It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Letterkenny, Bob's Burgers, Reservation Dogs, What We Do in the Shadows, Derry Girls. Shows like Doctor Who have characters in romantic relationships, but the romance is never placed above friendship with the Doctor. The amount of romance in a piece of media also relies on the genre it's in. I've mainly been discussing comedies, science fiction, and action, but other media such as horror, for example, treats romance and sexuality differently.

Still, showing romance, sex, and innuendo in media isn't counterculture, as is suggested by that second Twitter post. It's almost everywhere you look (and lots of kid shows/movies even include those kinds of jokes, as is shown by the amount of videos I've seen titled "I Didn't Get This Joke as a Kid.") I know we're on the internet so people don't care if they hurt other people's feelings, but acting like people who want a little less romance are immature or stupid can be hurtful. There's room for all different types of relationships.

TL;DR, I think a lot of people are just tired of media treating romance and sex as the most important relationship you can have with a person. We're not saying no media should have romance or sexuality or innuendo in it. It's just that as media diversifies, I think it's important to diversify the types of relationships highlighted as well. There's room for romance, sex, and friendship in media, and I don't think people should judge others for wanting positive representation of friendship.

#romance #aromantic #asexual #i'm just tired of shoehorned romance #tv #media #books #movies #bringing this convo over from twitter because that site is a hellscape i don't have enough characters there and i hate making threads #also tumblr understands me better than twitter #let's keep this conversation respectful though #multiple things can be true at once

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gaykarstaagforever · 3 months

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The 1999 Mystery Men movie is now free on YouTube, I guess because Universal finally realized that if no one paid to see it when it came out and so no one remembers it, no one is going to pay $3 to rent it.

Which is a shame (for the people who made the movie, who gives a shit about Universal), because it's good. Based loosely on the Flaming Carrot / Mysterymen indie comics of the 1980s (I'm only familiar Cerberus the Aardvark, which the same company published around the same time), it is meta superhero parody in the style of Gunn's Suicide Squad / Peacemaker, just 20 years before any mainstream American audience would give a crap.

This is a universe where there is one real superhero, who is so effective that crime is basically non-existent, so that the sole superhero himself is getting bored. When he comes up with a scheme to give himself something to do, it goes badly, unleashing a notorious supervillain on Champion City. When the Mystery Men, obnoxious wannabe heroes with virtually no powers, try to help, they typically fail, but so badly this time that now they are the city's only hope. Will they put petty grievances aside and learn to work together before Cassanova Frankenstein destroys the entire city?

Well, of course they will. It's a superhero movie. The point is watching fun wacky characters bounce off each-other for 2 hours, and this certainly delivers on that. The cast is a who's-who of 1999 charisma, with notable turns by Geoffrey Rush as the scene-chewing, disco-themed Frankenstein, Wes Studi doing Batman if Batman was doing Yoda, and Tom Waits as a benevolent mad scientist with a grandma fetish. Paul Reubens doing a lisp and Kel Mitchell in blonde Sisqo hair are especially fun as a team within a team, farting and getting naked on their path to victory.

Ben Stiller is the lead, playing a typical Ben Stiller-is-the-lead character, the kind of well-intentioned but self-absorbed incompetent that is charming when Ben Stiller plays him in movies, but everyone would despise in real life. And if you are a person who also isn't a fan of him doing this in movies, you'll also not like it, here. I like Ben Stiller doing this, but Roy here really is a useless pain in the ass until the very end.

There are lots of Gunn-type sitcom jokes about superhero tropes and general goofiness, and similar tonal shifts between slapstick comedy and people being slowly melted. Fans of The Boys will enjoy Greg Kinnear as a G-rated Homelander, complete with product placement on his costume.

It is about 20 minutes too long at 2 hours, and has way too many annoying closeup 90s fight scenes with mediocre choreography. More scenes of just the cast improving should have replaced a lot of this, because this is what the movie is really about. And there is some amazing 1998 CG that is used well, but man. It looks like what it is, certainly.

Props on someone greenlighting a superhero parody movie in a world where the only things to make fun of were the Schumacher Batman movies (Blade, the first "real" Marvel movie, came out the same year as Mystery Men). But it is obvious that only hardcore comic book nerds were going to connect with this, and there were not enough of them, outside of the big mainline "event" comic speculator market of the 90s, to make up for a $68 million budget.

This was made specifically for a movie-going public that has fallen in love with good superhero movies, then gotten sick of them, and appreciates someone making fun of them in a smart way. That is a thing we barely have now, in 2024. Mystery Men the big budget movie really is a thing that was just 20+ years ahead of its time. Watching it feels like watching an episode of Peacemaker that is intentionally aping the style and production design of Batman Forever. I suppose it is worth seeing, just for that.

Also the 90s Hollywood cameos. Dane Cook shows up, unfortunately. No, he isn't funny. He is a "superhero" who burns people with a waffle iron. I realize that may sound funny, but believe me, it isn't when Dane Cook does it.

See for yourself. That scene is in the original Smashmouth video for "All Star". Because that song being from the Mystery Men soundtrack before Shrek is literally all most people know about this movie.

youtube

And that's not fair to it. Go watch it.

#mystery men #1999 #smash mouth #all star #superhero movies #movie review #youtube #ben stiller #free on youtube

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haleyboook · 10 months

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The Marriage Pact

When Sloan and Chris become reunited and get more than a few drinks in their systems they remember something from their past, and it includes a marriage pact they made a decade ago. But the two decide to follow through with the agreement and get married!

warnings: mentions of sex, drinking, and swearing

word count: 2,750

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

“When I say birthday you say bitch!” My best friend Corrine shouts to the crowd of men at the bar

“Birthday”

“Bitch!”

“Birthday!”

“Bitch!!”

I shake my head at her as she remains standing on the bar stool across the way from me

I stare at the weird colored cocktail in my hands that she insisted I have

It’s extremely strong and very disgusting

“When Corrine texted me last week with an invite to celebrate your birthday I was honestly surprised.”

I look behind me quickly, seeing a very old friend that I haven’t spoken to in years

Chris smiles and hugs me tightly as I stare at him confused

“She invited you?”

“She invited a lot of people, clearly. How many of these people do you actually know Sloan?”

I look towards the groups of people and say “Probably about a fifth of them I’m acquainted with.”

His eyes widen as he laughs saying “Typical Corrine.”

“She sends out mass text messages, for all her parties. That’s where you come in, you must’ve accidentally been grouped in.”

He looks to me suspect saying “What you wouldn’t invite me by choice?”

I sigh saying “I don’t know, it’s been awhile.”

“Yeah it has, from what I’ve heard you’ve basically stopped acting?”

Shaking my head I say “Who told you that?”

He waves his phone saying “The internet. Your last show is going to be that sitcom? Really?”

“I need a break from acting. The roles I get are undeveloped and unenjoyable. I’m tired of playing the female arm candy in an action movie.”

“You’re done with Tom Cruises movies?”

I roll my eyes saying “Unless I get my own spin off, yeah.”

“That’s a shame. You’re so good at what you do, you need a better agent.”

Narrowing my eyes to him I say “It’s been at least 2 years since we’ve talked and this is what you want to talk about? What are you filming? Still at Marvel’s beck and call?”

He grumbles saying “funny. When you get a multi million dollar main character role you can have an opinion on my role but yeah I am still doing the marvel thing.”

“I can tell, you’re only in this good of shape when you’re filming marvel.”

“Thanks?”

I sigh and say “I also want a break to start a family or something. I’m ready to settle down.”

“Ah I see..”

“You want something to drink?” I ask

He nods saying “Yeah sure. What are you…having? Jesus what is that?” He motions towards the glittery glow in the dark drink in my hand

“It’s called a Sloan. Don’t ask me how Corrine thought of it, it’s nearly toxic waste.”

Chris looks over in the direction of our somewhat mutual friend getting men to shout in unison with her “I see she still has men wrapped around her finger.”

“She wouldn’t be Corrine if she couldn’t get men to wrap around her finger.”

“What’s she been up to in acting terms?”

I finish my drink and say “She’s in a new movie with Margot Robbie and Will smith.”

“Interesting pairing, I’ve gotta admit.”

I walk with him to the bar and the bartender says “What can I get you both?”

“Two more Sloan’s and also something drinkable.”

He smiles to us and Chris says “I’m not drinking that glittery toxic waste.”

“It’s my birthday are you forgetting that?”

“I hate when people leverage that. I already got you a gift. It’s in that disgustingly tall pile of gifts.”

“You owe me. It’s been 2 years since we’ve talked, you owe me.”

Grumbling he takes a sip as I carry the other drinks in my hands

He makes a face saying “It’s gross.”

I smile saying “good. Finish it.”

Shaking his head he says “this would kill my street cred y’know.”

“I’m sorry, what street cred?”

He scoffs as he finishes the drink and sets the glass down. He grabs the beer from my hand and says “I’m a beer guy, you know that.”

“And I’m a tequila gal, doesn’t mean Corrine cares.”

He nods and says “no family here today?”

I narrow my eyes to him saying “Surprised you didn’t read about that in the news.”

“What? What happened?”

Sighing I say “it is my birthday you know, and I really would like not discussing my family.”

“Fine, deal. No bringing up ex’s then.”

I smile saying “good. I was hoping you’d say that.”

“Does that mean you broke up with Garret??” He asks dumbfounded

Groaning I say “Don’t make me bring up Minka and Jessica.”

He groans loudly and says “I need more beer.”

He walks away and I follow as I laugh at his avoidance of the topic. I nudge him saying “Still want to ask about Garret?”

He narrows his eyes to me in annoyance as he pushes cash towards the bartender annoyed

“I’ll just ask him myself.”

I make a face and say “And Minka happens to go to the same spin class as me.” I smile to him

He huffs in annoyance and says “They wanted more and I wanted more time.”

I shake my head and say “Sounds about right.”

“Is that why you and Garret broke up?”

I scoff saying “No. Far from it. I wasn’t pushing him for more, he fell for his costar. She’s 10 years younger than me and she worships the ground he walks on. He told me about her and we were done. I threw his things off my balcony.”

His eyes widen and he says “Jesus.”

I shrug and say “There, you’re caught up on my romantic life.”

He laughs as I sigh, he says “I’m sorry. I was just curious. You guys were serious, at least I thought so.”

“We were, then I got swamped with work and he sought out comfort elsewhere. Fucking asshole..”

Chris and I laugh as I motion to the bartender for more tequila shots

“I have work tomorrow.”

“This should do nothing to you. Come on lightweight.”

The drunkenness quickly came over us as we just kept drinking together, the surroundings around us melted away as we caught up

“How’s your mom?” I ask as I squint at the beer in my hand

“She’s doing great. How’s yours?”

“Not going there right now.” I hum as I reach for my beer

“I think I’m drunk.” He says aimlessly as he stares at the ceiling that’s dimly lighting up the bar

“It feels great. It’s been too long.”

He smiles widely as my head hits his shoulder as I laugh and smile to him

His head rests on mine and he says “Another round please.” He motions towards the bartender

I spin the shot in my hand saying “This is the real Sloan! a shot and a beer to wash it down with… you know me so well.”

I smile to him as I turn my attention to him, he smiles saying “I’ve missed you so much.”

“Right back at you Evans. I’ve missed having friends that actually know me.”

We click our glasses together and say “Cheers to our reunion.”

He nods saying “Cheers to you, happy birthday Sloan Sloan.”

I smile and say “Ah I was wondering when that nickname was going to come up.”

I shoot back the shot and he follows after me a few seconds later

“Remember that stupid list we made?”

“When I was 22, i hadn’t met Garret yet and you were with Jessica. We wrote so many stupid things on that page.”

“Can’t remember what the paper even had on it.”

“We both wrote things we didn’t want each other to know for 10 years remember?”

I laugh and say “I remember.”

“God I wish we still had that paper.”

We both laugh as we sigh in defeat. I spin the liquid in the beer bottle as it dawns on me and I repeat “Under the three willow trees in our favorite park.. where the dog shit can’t be smelled from..”

He looks to me surprised and says “We buried it!”

I nod and he stands up quickly as I tumble out of my barstool from his sudden movement.

He steadies me as he holds my shoulders tightly

“We have to go.”

“What..?? This is my party!”

He nods saying “We have to go get it.”

I smile and say “Well okay I guess. But you owe me a cake I am going to miss my cake.”

“Deal.”

An Uber was called, we stumbled into the back seat as the woman says “You two alright back there?”

“Jimminy crickets we’re amazing! Oooo all this is for us? Okay… I see you.”

I grab the free candy and water she has set up for Uber guests

She pulls up to the park saying “You two going to be alright?”

Stumbling and basically rolling out of the car we laugh and i give her a thumbs up

“We’ll be perfect, thank you!” He thanks the driver as we approach the very dark park at this late of an hour

“I just love scary parks at this hour.”

“It’s not that late. It’s only like 1:30am or something like that.” He reassures me

As soon as we got to the trees I fell to my knees and struggled to dig at the grass. He laughed as he stumbled as he laughed so hard he fell over

I shush him and he laughs louder screaming “Who’s going to hear us out here!”

I crawl towards the play structure and steal some kids plastic pale and shovel

I dig at the grass and he grabs it from me saying “No, no let me.”

I sit back and watch as he digs with the weak shovel as it bends from his strength

He hits the box and I quickly push the shovel away as I impatiently pull the box that’s slightly damaged out

The dirt has eaten at it and the plastic bag hasn’t lasted very well

I guess it has been a decade

I pull the papers and read the list in my hands confused

I don’t remember this being in there

He pulls the bottom papers and reads them as I look through this written agreement that we signed

“Get this, I wrote that in ten years I hope I’ll be a more respectable actor and work on a award winning movie.”

He flips the page as he reads “In ten years I want to be married with a baby and a successful career. But all I really want is to be happy, whether that means giving up acting or not.”

His frown deepens as he looks to me as I read the list

1. Don’t let work get in the way of our friendship

Well clearly we didn’t follow up on that one

2. Help each other anytime it’s needed, career wise or otherwise.

He can’t help with things he doesn’t know about.

3. Always be each others backups, in any date scenario

That one was a stupid add, he only added that one because he knew he needed a date to his sisters wedding the next week. But I obliged.

4. In ten years, or less if we haven’t settled down and gotten married we’ll get married to each other

What the fuck ?!

I stare at the list of shit we wrote and I feel the stinging of a headache hit me as I go back to the first page

He pulls the other page from me as I go mute on him and he stares at me in confusion as I don’t respond to his questions

He reads through them with a smile and it only falters when he gets to number 4 and he looks to me as I stare at the agreement

He smiles and says “Ten years, huh?”

“Take this written agreement as a verbal and written contract that we are obligated and honored to marry the other if both see fit in their very single lives. Rules that may exempt the agreement would be a. A relationship b. A baby and a relationship c. A sexually transmitted disease d. a change in sexual orientation.”

Chris chuckles at the last two rules and I roll my eyes as I say “If not met with that criteria we are morally obligated to relieve each other of the embarrassment of being married too late in life.”

I scoff in annoyance saying “who wrote this shit oh my god.”

Chris smiles saying “I think it’s hilarious.”

“I think it’s- it’s… I don’t know!”

“I think we should listen to our twenty-something selves and follow up on this.”

I stare at him in shock and he nods saying “We promised, we’ve gotta follow up on this pact, we fell through with every other agreement, not this one too, come on.”

“We just started talking again,”

He nods saying “I haven’t had fun like this in years.. I feel like me when I’m with you. I haven’t felt like me in too long. Let’s go get our shotgun wedding, c’mon.”

I slowly warm up to the idea and my smile slowly widens as I begin to nod in agreement

He smiles back at me as his arms snake around me and lift me off the ground. Spinning around as we laugh loudly leads to us tumbling over again

“You call the Uber, I’ll look up a place to get married.”

I feel my fingers move but my mind not catching up as I proceed with our plans of marriage.

It seems completely rational to us and he shows me the 24/7 chapel only a city over and I smile widely as I nod saying “deal.”

He presses his hands to the sides of my face as his thumb brushes down my nose and he taps the top of my nose saying “deal.”

The Uber drive consisted of me sitting close to Chris with his arm wrapped around me as my hands held tightly to his other arm

Pulling up to the chapel the Uber driver didn’t say much but there expression wasn’t indescribable

But it irked me.

I straighten up my dress and lick my hands as I press them to Chris’ stray aways

He groans as he attempts to squirm away from me as I insist on fixing his hair

I nod as I smile saying “perfect.. you look perfect.”

“Thank you, you look beautiful.”

We enter the establishment and the lady behind the podium welcomes us and gets us on the fast track to getting married

“We have a selection of rings to pick from if you haven’t purchased one yet, we offer a character wedding, Elvis, and a few other options. There’s a tropical wedding, a traditional-”

I cut her off saying “traditional.”

Chris smiles saying “no Elvis?”

I push his shoulder as I shake my head. We are brought to the ring area and he immediately picks the ring that sticks out to him

It’s what stuck out to me, it was surprisingly beautiful for the other options they had

I shook the fake ministers hand as we met him 2 minutes before we were to be married

“I need you both to sign this document.”

I squinted my eyes as I read the words on the document and it was a basic marriage document and I flipped the page and signed my name across the bottom quickly

Chris scribbled his name quickly, not taking a second glance and says “if the misses says it’s safe to sign I believe her.”

The minister walks us down the isle as the director of the weddings clips a waist length veil onto my hair

I nod to her in appreciation and the ceremony proceeds as the alcohol was still very influential in the ceremony even happening

The pictures were taken as the minister asks “This is both of your opportunities to say something about the other.”

Chris nods and squeezes my hand saying “You’re my best friend, Sloan Sloan. I felt incomplete without you in my life and having you back in my life means everything. I can’t wait to navigate this new adventure with you as my wife.”

My cheeks redden as I blush and my heart flutters and does back flips.

He tilts his head to me as he admires my smile and he pulls my hand to his lips as he kisses them delicately

I swallow thickly as I say “There’s no one else I could possibly do this with, it’s only you that could put me at ease like this. You are my best friend and I can’t wait to be married to you. I love you, Chris.”

He smiles and the officiant smiles as they say “do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”

“I do.” I nod as my brain is still foggy

“and do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do.”

Chris smiles widely as the man says “I pronounce you husband and wife.”

Before the man can continue Chris kisses me, and once we got started kissing we didn’t stop

His arms wrapped around me as he dipped me into the kiss and the officiant shakes his head muttering “Jesus..”

The wedding director smiles widely and pats our shoulders saying “A few more pictures.”

We take our pictures and are handed glasses of champagne and a bottle as we are directed to the restaurant next door

Chris says “Hello wife.”

I smile as I look to him saying “Hello husband.”

We both laugh as we stumble towards the Italian restaurant next door

“What would you say to skipping the dinner and going home?” I chime

He looks to me and says “Sounds like a square deal.”

The second we got into the Uber his lips were pressed to my neck as the driver visibly cringed

The car ride was fast as the man clearly wanted us out of his car.

Chris lifted me as he stumbled in step up to my house. I laughed as I hung off his shoulder and he patted the back of my legs as he sang everlasting love by natalie cole

“This will be… an everlasting love..!! Ooo..yes it will be!”

He is hilarious and I haven’t laughed this hard in too long

He jingled the key into the door and shifted me in his arms as soon as the door was open.

He carried me through the door frame bridal style and says “Now it’s official!”

The door is kicked shut behind us as he walks like a blind mouse through the pitch black house

We laugh loudly as we bump into every object in my house as our lips are glued together

His teeth pull on my bottom lip as I mumble “Past the guest room. And laundry… keep going.”

We hit the wall again and he releases my lip as my lips press to his cheek

“You’ve almost got it.”

And victoriously he finds my bed and we fall into it slowly as he lands on me carefully, keeping his lips attached to the exposed skin on my neck

“We should’ve done this years ago.”

I hmm in response as I can’t talk through the blissful tingling I feel throughout my body

“Y-yeah.” I say as his lips trail down the exposed skin around my dress as his hands reach behind my back, searching for the zipper

The zipper breaks through his impatience and I grumble as I grow uncomfortable with the heat between my legs

“Just rip the dress- Chris..”

He didn’t have to be asked twice, the dress was ripped from the fabric at the zipper and he pulled it off me roughly as I mumbled into his skin as he hovered over me “oh finally…”

He pauses for a minute as his eyes retreat down to my exposed chest, my back arching at his hands moving down to my waist, the exposed skin quickly showcasing new goosebumps

“didn’t need a bra with that dress- did-did you?”

His fleeting eyes look to mine as I produce a furrowed look, my expression asking him what he’s waiting for

He slides his hands up to my face and says “Are you okay? You alright?”

I nod quickly and say “I’m perfect. I’m happy.”

“That’s all I want for you, lo.”

I nod as I heave a breath saying “Are you okay?”

“More than okay. I’ve wanted this for a long, long time. Is this- is me doing this, is it okay?”

I nod in agreement quickly saying “Not if you wait any longer, you’re killing me…”

I squirm while I’m under him, in near desperation as his grin runs wide and his eyebrows pop

“Oh… I see..”

He laughs as I hmm in response, patience is not my strong suit

“I got you, as your husband, I’ve got you all taken care of.”

And he does, he easily does. My eyes flutter in relief and the rush of adrenaline hits me as my hips rise up in response to him

“good job, honey.”

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AAAAAAAAHHHH new story alert!!! eeeeeekkkk!!!! I’m so excited for this one! It’s already a bit steamy haha. I feel motivated to write this story so that’s exciting!!

I’m happy to introduce you guys/people to Sloan! She’s great and I hope you all end up liking her! she is different from Jules in the best ways, at least I think so??

I hope you like the story!!

Reply to be added to taglist!!

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