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eventuallyaugust · 1 year

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bound by the rules masterlist smau

pairing/s: lesserafim huh yunjin x txt's sixth member! gp! oc x aespa yoo jimin

summary: txt's oldest member, oh hyunseol just want a peaceful life after pandemic with her members, but it seems like fate wants to shake things up.

tags... crack, fluff; angst; hurt(?); suggestive/smut (not all time); kinda slow burn (not the do i like her slow burn, but those longer than a min touches and longing gazes kind of slow burn); no beta we die like men; love at first sight; friends to lovers

warning/s... love triangle; angst; too many things going on; an ungodly amount of time skips; suggestive/smut themes; dark jokes; toxic staffs and management; scandals; dark themes & graphic content: strong language, bullying (affectionately); multiple mentions of alcohol and its consumption; many more to be added

setting... story will start in 2022

featuring... txt, lesserafim, aespa, itzy (mostly ryujin), ive (mostly annyeongz), choi yena, skz bangchan, nct jaehyun, g-idle yuqi, enhypen heeseung, some bts members, and many more that often pops up in just one of the chapters.

status... CONTINUING (surprisingly)

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profiles. bighit's baby giants, too pretty to be ais, not-so-fearless with bugs, the seven avengers

chapters (number of chapters & some titles still unidentified)

⭐ - fav chap

01 | happy birthday to you⭐

02 | new bestie unlocked

03 | birth month twinnie (half written)

04 | pretty elevator girl (kinda half written)

05 | tagged along

06 | birthday money

07 | meeting for what?! (mostly written)

08 | MEETING?? HER?? WHAT??

09 | minjeong's research

10 | lee fcking soo-man (written) ⭐

11 | give me your bets

12 | field day (pt.1)⭐

13 | the claw machine⭐

14 | party party yeah

15 | alexa, play drama by txt (written)⭐

16 | she is like dramama ramama

17 | #prayforheeseung

18 | gay panic-ese⭐

19 | txt's first 2022 vlive (written)⭐

20 | lord me when⭐

21 | be careful what you wish for (written) ⭐

22 | something bad just happened ⭐

23 | perfect friends ⭐

24 | matchz? it's a matchz! ⭐

bonus... matchmaker episodes

25 | 0 7 . 3 0

26 | seol & umji?? seolji?

27 | haters gonna hate

28 | wee-woo 🚨🚨

29 | a house of cards (written)

30 | us against the world

31 | through the cracks

32 | without the foundation

extra/s:

bbtr plot timeline

2022

2023

2024

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taglist: @curly-fr13s , @neuftaeng , @myothegreat , @yoontoonwhs , @nasyu-kookies , @awkwardtoafault , @osakis-gf , @dream-chasers-things , @woonie57 , @juhyunsthirdwife , @sewiouslyz , @yerevies , @kimsgayness , @jeindall777 , @notodayeli , @mah4u

°°°°

a/n: seol can be interpreted as the reader or whole other person. it was supposed to be y/n, not seol but i find it hard to imagine if i pair yunjin and karina to someone i can't imagine, so that's where seol is born.

disclaimer all images and pictures used in this story are not all mine. they belong to their rightful owners and i therefore give credits to their edits. since this is a smau, all of the happenings and events within are made up and the product of my imagination. any similarity to real-life occurrences or individuals, whether alive or deceased, is entirely coincidental. SEPARATE FICTION FROM REALITY.

@ eventuallyaugust 2024 | navi

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madameaug · 4 months

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Promise Me || Bucky x Black Reader

Synopsis: This occurs maybe about a year after the events of Captain America: Civil War. The reader is a black woman and should be imagined as such :) Bucky is 37, and the reader is ideally 32/33.

Very angsty (reader and bucky are getting a divorce). Not edited at the moment. First non-BTS imagine/fic so I'm super nervous. I love Marvel too <3

I didn't think forever for us would end so soon. Four years seemingly going down the drain. Two years of dating, eight months of engagement, and barely a year of marriage. I felt like I was giving up. Quitting. Like I wasn't honoring my vows.

Til death do us part.

But when I took those vows I believed I was giving them to James Buchanan Barnes. Who I lovingly refer to as Bucky. A man a slightly older than me, but didn't look a day over thirty. He was the man that I envisioned as a little girl marrying.

A man who was tall, easy on the eyes, with a look of danger, but a heart of gold. Bucky had the perfect mix of both. A veteran turned firefighter. He risked his life daily, saving those in a life-or-death situation. He was second chances, personified for these people. He was a light of hope in the darkness of succumbing to a burning fate. He was a hero.

A hero.

A hero more in the literal sense than what I could have possibly imagined.

Bucky Barnes wasn't a thirty-seven-year-old man who was technologically challenged. Not a man who liked listening to music artist from the 1930s. He was sophisticated and romantic.

Doll was his favorite name to call me. Initially, I thought he was just trying to hard not to use generic pet names like 'baby' or 'bae'. Or that maybe his fascination with the olden days carried into his pet names for his girlfriends. But now I wish the truth was that easy and simple to understand. It didn't involve decades of high-profile assassinations and the bringing down of governments.

One man could bring down an entire government regime.

And that man, is my husband?

My James?

My Bucky?

The man sitting across from me in this stuffy monochrome conference room. Well the conference room was quite large. It's just the tension was sucking out any air circulation.

When I took my vows to James Barnes, I hadn't realized I said them to this 'Winter Soldier' to. A man wanted by hundreds of countries for international crimes that date back to the Kennedy administration. A man hunted down by the Black Panther for killing the king of the most powerful nation.

No, surely there was a mistake.

But I would be foolish to argue with evidence. Pictures of his stalky figure I curled up to several times at night. Blue eyes were the portals to his true thoughts. Shoulder-length hair I raked my fingers through mindlessly when listening to him recount his twelve-hour shift at the station. His wardrobe wasn't anything special, which explains why he could slip under the radar for so long.

That was him. He was responsible but not at the same time. Fourteen hours after being interrogated by Maria Hill, I better understood the double life Bucky The Winter Soldier had been living. Believed to be dead by the Allies, he was held hostage by Karpov, who brainwashed him and tortured him until he became the Winter Soldier. Breaking his mind, and piecing him back together to become he perfect killing machine in human form.

Helmut Zemo managed to get his hands on the book containing the words that activate the Winter Solider. He awakened the monster and manipulated him into the bombings that killed King T'Chaka. He used the Winter Solider to effectively divide and dissolve the Avengers. Zemo was responsible for taking away the Bucky that I knew. The hero.

"I'm glad you and your client could be civil and agree to our demands." Your lawyer, Jennifer Walters, spoke. You and Bucky's lawyer had been talking for twenty minutes, but you couldn't focus on their legal jargon. You were tuned out, tracing your steps on how you and Bucky were sitting in this office. On the opposite end of the table, staring at each other as if we'd become opponents. No longer players on the same team.

Bucky's eyes dragged across to scan Jennifer's face. In his heart he held no misplaced hatred for the woman. She was a professional doing her job, representing the interest of her client. He didn't spend long reading the lists of things that you wanted from the marriage.

The house was yours, he wouldn't dare try to live in that house if you weren't there. It wasn't good for him to stay in open spaces, for too long it freaked him out.

Most of your demands were reasonable and he put up no fight. He didn't want to fight with you. When he finally got his head on straight, he wanted to explain his disappearance. He wanted to be the first person to tell you about the Soviets and the Winter Soldier Program. He wanted to tell you about the bad things that he's done, but his memory was a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces. He wasn't sure if you would believe him, until he had all the pieces. When he did come across a piece, he was scared that it would show more harm than he did.

Confirming his belifs that he wasn't worthy of a second chance. That he could find happiness living a solo mundane life. Even with his slow aging, he could blend in his environment and live a good life. He would keep intact what little of his humanity he had left. But after Zemo got his hands on him again that little sliver of his humanity was gone. He was a tool designed for slaughter and destruction. Becoming a firefighter saving people wouldn't undo all the lives he took. Marrying you, the love of his life, wouldn't give him the normalcy he sought. He was reminded of that every time he looked down and saw the metal arm. The brute strength granted him the ability to kill with ease. The same metal arm that would now be a reminder of everything he was getting ready to lose with his wife.

The lawyers summarized the documents, and everything signed up to this point. The deed to the house, papers to change your last name, insurance paperwork, everything was discussed. Bucky even took it upon himself to hand you his 401k from firefighting.

Never had the lawyers seen a divorce proceeding go so smoothly. Usually, they have to clear out the rest of their calendars for divorce calendars. Would today be the day that they get out before the late lunch rush? Oh, let it be true.

Jennifer was smart in her word choice. Avoiding the emotional minefields that the couple has. The room was somber, as you shared your emotional hardships. Dealing with the sudden disappearance of your husband. Preparing for a funeral without a body, dreading adopting the label as a widower. Becoming behind on the mortgage and personal family issues flaring up.

Even though it was emotionally heavy, it was easy to formulate the words. You thought long and hard about what you wanted to say. However, you didn't truly have the words for the physical hardship, which was much more challenging to hide. Your right wrist in a sling. A fracture of the ulna and three smaller bones. The one place Bucky has been fighting with himself not to look.

From an instance of right place, wrong time. It would be your first time revealing the details of your broken wrist out loud. Even when Jennifer asked, you were short with your explanation. But looking at Bucky for probably the last time, you were moved by emotion. Emotions of hurt, frustration, and sorrow.

"I see that you haven't signed the restraining order." You gathered your tone to sound as unemotional and far removed as possible.

"Why?"

"I'm not signing it."

The tension in the room deepens as this is the first time you have directly spoken to Bucky. Your lawyers were doing a lot of the communicating for you.

He didn't want to word vomit his emotions and potentially mispeak. Widening the divide between the two. So he opted to sit in silence, letting his heartbreak in silence. Divorce from the only woman he ever loved was going to take a lifetime to heal. On top of that, a restraining order would send him to an early grave.

"What? I thought you agreed to all of our terms."

"That's why I wanted to talk in person. I cant get myself to agree to this. I can't."

Bucky sat across from you with a plea in his eyes. He didn't want to let go of the connection he spent four years building with you. His heart and mind fought each other for days when he got the divorce paperwork. His heart wanted to fight for the marriage. Fight for the sacred union yall made in front of your friends and family. Fight for the love he knew deep down that you still had for him. But his mind hit him with the harsh truth. You weren't safe around him. Having all these enhanced abilities, having this metal arm could protect you. That it wasn't a curse, but a blessing in disguise.

But that wasn't true. And his brain reminded him of that fact with a mental image of your arm in the sling.

It was before Steve managed to track down Bucky's coordinates to that apartment building. When he was still hiding in plain sight. You just happened to be there. Browsing different vendors, as it was the city was hosting a market.

Bucky was right beside you, you knew his scent from anywhere. And the fact that his head slightly turned in your direction, upon calling him confirmed it.

"Buck is that you?"

You raised a hand to touch his face. "It's me. Remember?" His metal hand gripped yours tightly. His hand clapped down on your wrist, leaving you at the mercy of his strength.

You attempted to snatch your hand back. Eyes swelled with tears, as the pain was escalating. Buck remained silent, as he twisted your wrist, to an almost 180 point.

"STOP IT! JAMES STOP!" Your shriek brought unnecessary attention to him. In a frustrated grunt, he huffed before completing the snap. He walked off into the crowd without looking back at you. Those eyes that were the portals to reading his mind was closed. There was nothing behind those eyes. Even in the presence of his wife, his eyes didn't change. I was a stranger. A stranger that he could very easily hurt with little provocation.

Holding onto your broken wrist you were soon comforted by a stand manager. He got you up on your feet and walked you in the direction of the nearest medical aid.

"Please, Bucky. Let this be a clean break. It's for the best."

"The best for who?" His voice a mixture of frustration and vulnerability. "I've been through a lot. We've been through a lot. I want to fight for us. This restraining order snuffs out any chance of us rekindling this."

"We've changed Bucky. The world has changed. I need a fresh start, and I think you need one too."

"You are my fresh start. Don't you see!?" Bucky couldn't go into much detail. His lawyer was unaware of his assassin's past. He was more skeptical than ever about what details he shared about his personal life. Lawyer, doctor, psychiatrist or not. There could be more Zemo's looking to play puppet master with his mind.

"Think about your safety."

The lawyers attempt to mediate. They could sense that something was being left out of the conversation. Something that was connected to your arm in the sling. You were standing firm in your position to sever any ties to Bucky. This was the best decision for the both of you.

Bucky didn't have to worry about his superhero work trickling into his personal life. Not having to worry if some vengeful villain would come searching for you, and harm you to even out the score with Bucky. It was just another concern that didn't have to cloud his mind.

While you wouldn't have to worry about Bucky not coming back home. Getting the news from SHIELD agents that Bucky had died protecting the world from some global threat. The heartache would be too much.

"This is getting us nowhere. Did you and your client really come here to waste our time?"

"Mr. Barnes is just as entitled to getting all of his demands met.

The lawyers started bickering. The couple with actual grounds of argue sitting in silence. You spoke up first, your raised voice silencing the room.

"I'm not asking you to change who you are. I know you've been through a lot. And it is a lot." You reached your hand out to grasp his. You wanted to convey that your heart was full of love for Bucky. You could see a broken and scared man in front of you. A man with more skeletons in his closet than you would like to imagine. But you loved him. And with that love, you had to make the tough choices for both of you.

"You need space and time to collect yourself. Fight those battles in your mind. Get better and heal."

A singular tear runs down your cheek and hits the wooden table as you continue spilling your heart out.

"I love you. I love all of you, and I forgive you. You were unwell and need true help. As much as I want to remove that pain from you, I know that I can't. My love isn't enough. Sometimes love requires letting go. Let me go. Please."

"Even when I was sick, I still had dreams of you. I couldn't make out your face, but I found myself reliving our dates. The time I took you to the drive-thru movies. You said I made you feel like you were in high school again. Or the time I accidentally used all your leave in conditioner on wash day.

Then I started dreaming of a family with you. Raising mini versions of ourselves away from the chaos my life brought. The woods were our backyard, and we were happy. With you I was happy. I still want to make that dream a reality. I'm willing to give up anything to ensure our future."

You listened to his plea. You could tell he was genuine. He would if he could give up his enhanced abilities to be with you. No doubt about it. However, you knew that Bucky was meant for something greater. When he was a soldier who fought the good fight. He was destined to be a hero. A would-be alongside Captain America, fighting threats the world doesn't know about. Ensuring that we live in a world, where us regular people wouldn't have to.

"I can't be the reason you give that up, Buck." You said gently. "It's a part of who you are. Even when you've made mistakes, I've seen you try to right your wrongs. That's the Bucky I know, the hero."

The room was silent again filled with emotion. Bucky had to come to terms that yall were on different paths. Two paths diverged into a left and right. That even under the premise of love, you were right. Bucky was too vulnerable. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened. The Winter Soldier was an ugly part of him that he had to live with. He has to make room for that identity instead of pretending it never existed.

He would be working with Steve and Sam Wilson on hunting down any of the remaining Winter Soldiers. He was thrusting himself into danger. Danger that he didn't want you to be apart of, danger that he felt responsible to end.

You leaned over to whisper in Jennifer's ears. Maybe the restraining order was too much. You were making a rash decision that you may come to regret in the future. Jennifer following the request of her client, placed the restraining order papers in the shredder.

"My client had a change of mind." She stood up packing up all the signed papers in her briefcase.

"Well all the paperwork is signed, our work is done here."

The divorce meeting came to a close and both parties went their separate ways. There you stood discussing the next steps with Jennifer. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Bucky alone. He waited at the bottom of the stairs.

Jennifer took her cue to dismiss herself. With your eyes low, you carefully walked down the courthouse steps to stand before Bucky.

"Promise me we will find a way back to each other."

"I can't promise that Bucky. And you shouldn't make promises you can't keep."

"I would keep that promise. I would stake my life on it." He brought your left hand to his chest. Your wedding ring still on your finger. You hadn't thought about when you would take it off.

"Promise me." His lips were a few inches away from yours. Your eyes were conversing in another language of their own. Saying their goodbyes, and final 'I love yous.'

You brought Bucky into your arms. Arms wrapping around his shoulder as you cried silently to yourself. Bucky tightened his arms around you, his warms rubbing circles in your back. A hypnotizing pattern that would put you to sleep. It was settling over the both of you that this could be the last time that you held one another like this.

You let go of the hug first. Your hand on his chiseled face again. This time not worried that he would harm you again.

"I love you." You laid a tender kiss on his lips. Capturing your affection and goodbyes.

"Promise me." Bucky spoke during the kiss. "Promise me Doll."

You placed your thumb over his lip. You looked deep into his eyes. He was hanging onto every word that you said. Bucky's phone rings, breaking the staring contest you had. To no ones surprise, Steve was on the other end. A bitter reminder of the double life that Bucky was apart of.

"I need to hear you say it."

"I promise."

Bucky leaves a passing kiss on your lips before walking away from the courthouse. He picked up the phone, walking with haste. In a few short seconds, a red-headed woman joined him on his side.

My hero.

My Bucky.

#black writers #marvel x black!reader #bucky x reader #bucky x black!reader #bucky barnes #marvel imagine #captain america civil war #winter soldier #x black reader #x black fem reader #madameaug #angst #marvel angst #black woman x bucky barnes

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marengogo · 11 months

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5: Marengo & The Rainbow Avengers

Take Two - by BTS

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

I meant to post this yesterday, in honour of their birthday, but, 24 hours never seem to be quite enough do they? So, here it is, the SUPER-LONG-DETAIL story of how Marengo was unexpectedly saved by 7 Rainbow Avengers, also known as BTS.

CHAPTER 1: MY HEART WAS BROKEN

The date was January 27; 2019. ARASHI japanese boy band that debuted in 1999 got together and in front of a well organised, and somewhat serene, press setting, televised to their fans all over the world including myself, announced that they would go on an indefinite hiatus starting January 1, 2021. Not sure why I wasn't expecting this. This was the first time they every did something like this, and the tell-tell signs had been plenty, but still, had I been ready, it still would have hit as hard as it did.

I remember silently crying, as Ohno their leader and my bias, who is the one in the middle of the above picture spoke and told us how, basically. he was tired and just wanted to spend his time on his boat fishing his days away. Fishing had always been his passion, but he also always dreamed of becoming the captain of his own ship Monkey D. Luffy watch out!. ARASHI had quite a few of their own shows and in one of them (Arashi Ni Shiayagare) we the fans, and the other members, got to cheer him on as he studied to get a licence to drive a boat. He succeeded, got his boat and for the rest of that year’s show he’d take us on adventures with his boat, fishing with famous Japanese celebrities as guests it was still a show after all. Every time he was on his boat he looked so fucking happy. So when he finally made the announcement, yes, I was shocked, yes, I was distraught, but ultimately I was happy for him. Just a whole STORM arashi means storm of emotions really.

You need to understand, at that point, I had been their fan since 2009. If my Japanese is at the level it is right now, 1/10 of it is definitely thanks to them, since I used to regularly translate all their songs, dramas, shows, etc. To imagine I only started listening to them as a fun way to help me study Japanese … Anyways, back on track … their announcement happened on my 10 year anniversary (their 20th) and I remember the following day coming back from work, with their music in my ears, stopping at a traffic light wanting to cry as I kept thinking about them and right in that moment, I looked up at the big screen and so the following ad:

That evening was the first time I actually EVER seen the boys. Before that evening I had only heard about them, A LOT, and now in hindsight I know why. The first time had been some time in 2017, while I was looking for japanese articles to translate, I happened upon one that was about ARASHI, obviously, I got super excited and decided to read it. Only to find out how this journalist was basically describing why according to him ARASHI stood no comparison against this 7 boy band sensation “called BTS”. I was so irritated by that article I didn’t even bother to read their country of origin and for the longest time I decided they were Chinese 🤡. Mind you, I never once thought of BTS even after reading that article, my mind was ARASHI ARASHI ARASHI FOR DREAM! but that evening when I saw that ad I hated them. So I walked away, sad and angry O THE DRAMA! 🤡 but just like the first time I heard of them, I never thought of them again.

2020 rolled in, and just right before COVID, I started exploring new things on the internet amongst which I discovered a certain at the time budding actor and become a big fan not about to give myself out, so I won’t tell you who 😜, Let's call them X. What does a fan with extensive editing knowledge do? Why fan-edits of course! So I started making edits of X, and one day, as I was helping make X trend on Twitter for an event they were attending, on my timeline a particular video kept reappearing. So I clicked:

CHAPTER 2: I WAS LITERALLY SPEECHLESS AND MESMERIZED

Within ARASHI, only Ohno could actually dance, but these boys ... these boys could ALL dance and apparently they also sang, some holding one hell of a tune, and that beat, ooh the entire production…: JUST WOW. I must have watched the video another 10 times at least and all the while it never got old, in fact it only got better with every listen; so I then ended up adding ON to my playlist.

This day was February 25, 2020 and this is the date I unknowingly became ARMY and also the day I celebrate my anniversary on. Now you need to understand, my COVID days were mostly making edits of X, supporting X, trending for X on twitter so at this point I didn’t have the thoughts of wanting to find more about BTS. In my head, I found a song I liked, and thought "cool, I guess I don't necessesarily have to hate them ..." I quickly looked up JUNGKOOK because you don't belt a not like that and act like it didn't happened and kept it moving.

Couple of days later, I’d start working on my first edit of X which blow up. This edit was was made using this one song I heard on a compilation which was circulating on twitter, it had a “certain dancer named Jimin” doing high kicks. The background song they used was named; UGH!. Sure, the dancer was hella skilled … but that song, I couldn’t stop playing the clip and though it was probably because of Jimin, my brain decided that it was the song can’t believe I found the exact edit!!! 👇🏾

Did I realise that UGH! which took me forever to find as I didn’t understand it was the name of the song at first 😂😂😂 was sung by BTS; as in THE SAME BTS I apparently didn’t hate so much anymore? NOPE. It didn’t even occurred to me because THAT BTS was a 7 member boy band not a hardcore 3 member rap group 😬😬😬. Anyways, I became obsessed with UGH! And as one does when in confinement, I started looking for people who would share my same enthusiasm, and since I had already fallen into the world of reactions on youtube for TV series THANKS A LOT COVID 🙃I thought I’d look to see if there was anyone who would react to songs, in this case, UGH! By the rapper group named BTS still to this point I had NO CLUE that they were the same people… I had to download an mp4 version from the internet in order to do the edit, so I didn't even know if it came from an album or where else and what I found was:

youtube

They were hella excited and I really could relate with that because that song always made me wanna turn the fuck up, but most of all, they were black people interested in something asian, and that for me was something I could heavily appreciated. Everyday I kept coming back to watch that reaction because it just made me so happy, and gave me so much energy, so I decided to see if they had any more songs from this rapper group. The first video that came up was their reaction to ON KINETIC MANIFESTO. THE AMOUNT OF DOTS THAT STARTED CONNECTING IN MY HEAD WERE SO MANY YOU’D THINK I DISCOVERED THE THREE LAWS OF EINSTEIN!

You should have seen my face when I discovered that UGH! was on the same album as ON: 🤡. This also made me want to look up the one member whose features really appealed to me the most, not gonna lie to y'all, it was love at first sight: RM. Wanting to know who he was I went on wikipedia, typed BTS and kept clicking every members name until I found him wikipedia has them ordered by age. I started reading about him and chuckled when I found out he was the leader what can I say, i seem to have had a type! aaaand he thought himself english and that made him even sexier in my eyes. When I tell you I spent a couple of days being obsessed with Namjoon 😬😬😬 ...

Anyways, I think a part of me wanted to start being invested, thus, before continuing watching more reactions with FoSquad I decided I wanted to listen to MOTS7, in its entirety, by myself and aside from ON and UGH! The only other song that I absolutely adored was Filter. AND SO began my search for the uncredited female singer that sang Filter, whom I couldn't find anywhere, NOT A SINGLE GOOGLE PAGE HAD THE NAME OF THE FEMALE SINGER THAT SANG FILTER ON ONE OF THE BIGGEST ALBUMS OF THE YEAR. For a couple of days this is what my google search looked like “What is the name of the female singer that sings Filter with BTS”. … 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡

CHAPTER 3: A THREE MONTHS BLINK

Not finding an answer with regards to the mysterious Filter Singer and also concluding that the internet was still so lacking on proper representation of Asian artists, rather than me being the one who was dumb AF, I went continued my supporting X life, while constantly listening to ON, UGH! and Filter. Eventually, it was time to make another X edit, meaning I needed to search for new songs and since X was obsessed with BlackPink I decided to give them a chance and at the time the most recent song was SOUR CANDY feat. Lady Gaga. It was very Gagaish I just so happen to really like Gaga and the beat was perfect for editing, so I used it. On top of that, I joined X's I don't remember how many days countdown to the premiere of “How You Like That”. As I said, X was obsessed with BlackPink, hence, I became a Blink for 3 months.

The day How You Like That dropped I was just as excited as X and at the time I was staying with my directors at their place and they became my "covid bubble". The 3 of us were trying to save our company during COVID inactivity, which meant that during the mornings it was an incessant string of calls with lawyers, with rightfully desperate landlords chasing for money we didn’t have, third parties also needed money we didn't have ... basically, just a whole lot of heavy grinding. But in the evening, we'd cook dinner and we’d all watch a movie once we had quickly gone through the most recent Queer Eye season, even Queer Eye in Japan! and after they’d go to bed, I’d step up, talking with my X Twitter GC, while watching other shows and right before going to bed I'd watch How You Like That to get my spirits ready for the next day.

This was my routine at their house, every day from the release of that song, for a good 2 months. When August rolled around I decided to go back home, as the situation with the company seemed at least a bit stable. So it was back to self-distancing by myself and to my own surprise I didn’t feel the urge to listen to BlackPink at all. X was all that really mattered after all, and they had stopped talking about them, for the time being. So one early ass morning on August 21, 2020 I just so happened to be awake and twitter was buzzing with people waiting for a new BTS song to drop. As I was already awake and had another hour waiting for X to appear at their interview event, I decided to silently wait with ARMY; I did like ON after all. Thus, came Dynamite

CHAPTER 4: LIKE AN ECHO IN THE FOREST

youtube

It was nothing like ON. So at first I was a bit confused and didn't know what to think, as it was clear that I hadn't understood their genre. Yet, somehow, that boy winking at me at the end of the MV kept making me want to replay the song and before I knew it I was “shining through the city with a little funk and so-oul!”. Eventually, I looked him up and found out that the cute boxy smile boy with the light blue outfit’s name was V. Just as easy a name to remember as RM. By all means, he wasn’t RM, but that smile just was the cheekiest thing I had seen in a while.

But there was another person that was also FINALLY "introduced" to me through this video, the one who was my mysterious female voice and "UGH! dancer": JIMIN. Not sure why it didn’t connect with ON but the second I heard his voice in Dynamite DOTS WERE CONNECTING LEFT AND RIGHT, AND IT WAS FINALLY CLEAR IN MY MIND THAT SHE WAS ACTUALLY A HE, WHO WAS PRETTIER THAN A SHE AND SANG & DANCED LIKE AN ANGEL 🤯🤯🤯. ... Basically Dynamite introduced me to VMIN.

It goes without saying, my queer-senses were all over the place with Jimin. So, as i usually do, not at all knowledgeable of the South Korean culture, I dove into the internet to ask and see if JM was part of the community: nothing came up. In fact, it was full of people going to a great length to explain why there was NO WAY IN HELL THAT JM WAS QUEER. Funnily enough, as I kept trying to look for connections between JM and the community, all that came up with connections between RM and V and the community (as they had made posts and connected with queer people, music, etc). The strong denying of any sort of connection between JM and Rainbow nation did discourage me a little, NGL. I had spent a year trying to not fall for queerbaiting and I didn’t want it to happen again. However, as I didn’t want to jump the gun since I didn’t quite know them at all, I decided that even though he wasn't a Fred Mercury he perhaps was a Bowie or a Prince. I was okay with that and decided to close that rainbow chapter at that AT THE TIME, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW WHERE I STAND NOW 🤡.

The weeks following Dynamite things around X’s management start to look very dodgy and fishy. As a fan you want to be positive, hope for the best, but as more and more evidence was brought forth I had to start to at least dissociate X from their company. This really made me and my X-friends incredibly sad and pretty disenchanted I will admit. Day by day we tried to look at the bright side but, it kept looking rather grim and right about that time somehow I was exposed to STAY GOLD and LIFE GOES ON. Thought Stay Gold wss the one in Japanese, the one that stuck with me was Life Goes On. I remember walking around the still empty studio we hadn’t been able to reinstated none of my colleagues with Life Goes On playing rather loudly. The comfort that song provided me in that moment I will never be able to explain. Is probably the same feeling older ARMY have with Spring Day. Life Goes On came to me in a moment when I really needed to hear those words, gently and promising, like an echo in the forest.

As it started to become clearer that X was just as cowardly as their company I took a break from my Twitter page, which also just so happened to fall around Xmas time, so I got to actually have a real break with my sibling away from all that nonsense and into a different more secure looking world.

CHAPTER 5: WHO IS BTS?

I spent a good deal of my xmas break watching people's reaction to BTS, their story, their struggles, their MV. Through these reactors and “BTS experts” I was introduced to SOPE. In my baby ARMY experience they came as a set, Ying&Yang, one the opposite of the other, at least this was how majority of the old BTS edits and explaining videos would portray them luckily we now have many updated and more extensive videos out there. While watching all these compilations I also eventually learned all their names and started watching RUN BTS from episode 1 when I figured out tha utmost of the edits were from there I thought “Let’s go straight to the source, if I want to learn really what they are like”.

The first thing that became pretty clear to me was that for example HOBI and YOONGI weren’t quite exactly like the compilations had been describing them all of them in fact. And it wasn’t like all the boys tried to act reserved or hide certain parts of themselves, they seemed so open that if people paid even just the smallest amount of attention they would know. So for the first time in a long time I found a group that wasn’t giving me doubts, worries … I really didn’t have to think too much but at the same time I knew that if I ever fell back into being depressed from my post-COVIDic environment, they’d also be able to find me down there, because they didn’t seem to shy away from those situations either.

Going back to RUN BTS real quick, the one thing that it did for me, was introducing me to none other than KIM SEOKJIN. Before I knew it I always found myself following jin on the screen, waiting for him to talk and say a pun or dad joke, or just wanted to see and hear him laugh … I developed a crush for Jin and a small pointy edge every time someone would leave comments on youtube like “why is jin even in this band”, “ there is a reason why Jin dances in the back”. “Jin is not even handsome”. GURL/BOI/ENBY. Taking a break from X meant I would stay well away from Twitter, so I had no idea about BTS proper solos, antis, etc and like a moth to a flame, I’d fall for any troll and start defending Jin against the world. MFers … how dare they disrespected him like that! AND IN FRONT OF ME!

That being said a person called me a Jin-solo in a comment and the second that happened I was about to reply that "Yes I love Jin-" the implications of being a solo, COMPLETELY lost on my Baby ARMY ass but the second i started typing I immediately thought of Namjoon, and then Jungkook, and Jimin ... eventually I thought of all members and realised that I liked each member for different reasons and I couldn't choose one. Further research would eventually teach me that meant I was 0T7.

On my way back from my Xmas break I decided that I would stop associating with X and just move on with life. On my journey back home we were told we had to be Lockdown again, which really depressed me, but as if it was second nature, I played Life Goes On and tried to think of any positive thing. So I got back home wanting to watch more BTS reactions, while listening to BTS and wondering what Jin was doing. And from that moment on for a good month I’d go into my still empty office but this time knowing we could start calling back at least 2 of my colleagues, which made me so ecstatic sit down with my coffee and say “Alexa, play BTS” and Alexa would reply “Shuffling songs from BTS” and ALWAYS the playlist would start with a familiar whistle …

And the rest is history 😜.

So who is BTS? They are the 7 boys that came to my rescue when I felt heartbroken. The 7 boys that had so much skill and love to share with the world and wanted for me to join and not be left out. They are the boys that never pressured me into needing to like them, but somehow were always there when I unknowingly needed them. They are the 7 boys who reminded me that it was okay to not be okay and just go with the flow of things, even if it is against the flow of all. They are the 7 boys that keep trusting us with their everything and all they ask in return, if possible, is to be there, at end of this gigantic rainbow. And that is exactly where I plan to be. I am so grateful for all 7 of you and words could never describe how much I love you.

HAPPY 10TH ANNIVERSARY MY RAINBOW AVENGERS.

Always incredible respectfully yours,

Marengo.

#Youtube #BTS 10th Anniversary #Marengo World #I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BANGTAN

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