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chattingwiththelightkeeper · 6 months

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The Journey To Be Me

I grew up a nerdy and/or geeky kid, teen, and young adult, when younger there were times when there might have been a secret desire for an invitation to the cool kid’s lunch table but that was never going to happen. The sports played and even the few I excelled at were not ‘school-sponsored’ nor was I good enough to advance to compete at the university level even for those few places that had them. So there was never a hope that my awkward nerdy self would find acceptance with those “cool” kids and while the movie Cant Buy Me Love gave me hope, I knew I would never ride off into the sunset with “the cheerleader” on the back of my riding lawn mower, even if it was fun to dream and masturbate about.

Fast forward to finally escaping both high school and my hometown for college. One of those moments that stick with you forever

happened as my parents helped me decorate my dorm room. My Mom turned to me and out of the blue offered advice that I can still vividly remember today. She told me: “No one here knows you. You do not have to be what everyone expects you to be anymore. You have the chance to be yourself. Not everyone will like you for you but starting today you can be the person you have always wanted to be.” After my parents finished the chore of moving their kid into the dorms and a nice dinner out, I returned to my dorm room in a strange town without a friend nearby and since this was the days before texting, instant messengers, or Skype there was not an old friend to fall back on. So I just sat on my tiny bed and thought about the advice my Mom had shared earlier. The old expectations others had for me would have been to just sit there, pick up a textbook, and start to read in preparation for a class I had not even been to yet and would not be for four more days, however, as I glanced at the pile of used textbooks, I decided to give my Mom’s advice a try. I simply got up, left my room, and started saying hello and introducing myself to my new neighbors. Although I found there were some of the cool kids around who were not my fit, I quickly found that there were people I could be myself with and made amazing as well as lifelong friends.

Throughout my college years, I lived that amazing advice and was just myself. I made great friends and had a plethora of experiences with travel and exposure to different cultures, plus I discovered, learned, and found what felt like a soulful home with BDSM. Even more amazing to this geeky kid, he found that girls liked him when he was himself and not trying to be that nerd who thinks he is cooler than he is. It was shocking! Most shocking of all, the geek had sex (yes with a real person! Not just my hand). Even more amazing, I found an amazing young woman who also was into kink and had that first lifestyle relationship. The thing with college is that it is over in what is a blink of an eye, even if mine maybe went two blinks because of my fondness for beer and playing major roulette. The amazing woman I was dating found her dream job a thousand miles away, my career path took me the opposite way and we parted ways.

So my journey into the ‘real world’ began and I derailed myself from the tracks that had led to personal success at school. I entered the corporate world, used the skills I learned as a nerd in high school of how to blend in to avoid being noticed, put my head down, and went to work. Additionally, I convinced myself that the lifestyle was just a college thing or phase, and now that I was officially an adult, I had to put it away. So I set all of it aside and went vanilla. Much to my amazement, a few women liked me and I worked hard to be that perfect boyfriend. During my attempts to be Mr. Right, I was finding that the harder I worked at it the more I found myself unhappy and bored. During this time many of my college mates were getting married, starting families, and enjoying what we are programmed to think of the American dream (For my friends they are living their dreams). However that ‘dream’ was not clicking for me and while I did have a few serious relationships, I never succumbed to the pressure of getting married and settling down. My family and friends never applied that pressure but it was something I felt, especially at work, since having a wife and kids was somehow a ticket punch on the career ladder.

After ending yet another relationship because of what I can only describe as boredom somewhere deep in my soul, I began to look at myself. I had dated some amazing women who were pure vanilla and every time I felt the same way. There was just something missing and it was with me and not them. No, I am not using that here as that cheesy breakup line, it is not you, and it is me. So as I went on a journey deep into myself. The biggest lesson I learned was I had stopped being me and had reverted to the nerdy kid who was trying to be someone they were not.

The changes I began making were not instant overnight like a light switch being turned on but over time I found myself shifting my career path to a place where being me worked for not only me but also for the corporate weenies who hired me, plus it also led me back to the lifestyle (At this point in my kink journey I always picture that line from the Godfather movies “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in again”). All of the changes I was making or in the process of were fantastic for me but I still had a big lesson to learn.

By the time I had returned to the lifestyle, the internet had sprung up and grown up. It was so easy to access information, find events, and even find people to date who were involved in the lifestyle as well. It was great because it felt like part of my soul was back at home. I was able to connect with munches and events, read all sorts of articles, and discussions, and just explore tons of information. It is here that I committed what I hope to be my last ‘fit in’ mistake. So much of the writings, discussions, and the like focused on how to be a “good” dominant or submissive just like it is today. I took that advice without tempering it with who I am. If a “real” d-type is supposed to be XYZ, well then I wanted and needed to be XYZ.

Those ashes that fell from the sky more than a decade ago taught me what I hope will be my final ‘be me’ life lesson. When it comes to BDSM and relationships I have to be myself. I will never be what Master Know-It-All says a dominant should be and thank god for that. I am unique, my needs/wants/desires are all special to me, and everyone in the lifestyle, no matter how similar they appear is an individual. My growth and knowledge in kink coupled with staying true to who I am allowed me to be just me. I will never be everyone’s cup of tea but for the right person, I will be their cup of coffee. I have a sense of liberation in knowing that my approach to the lifestyle is my own and yes I have borrowed from here, copied from there, and created my own too so that the end product is that special bend belonging to this nerdy, goofy, dominant man.

While my journey to ‘be me’ is personal, my hope in sharing it here today is that maybe it will empower someone as they trek through life and kink. When we stay committed to our individuality we can find those places that are homes for our soul. Especially, within the BDSM lifestyle, it is so important to work to be the best you and not worry if you fit the mold that others say you should.

If you enjoyed this, I invite you to give my podcast a listen 'Chatting With The Lightkeeper,' a top 25% most-followed podcasts on Spotify but available on all the major podcasting apps and follow my socials for more exclusive content: Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter) for a deeper dive into the wonderful world of D/S.

As with all of my thoughts, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2023

#d/s relationship #bd/sm community #dom/sub #d/s community #my writing

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stewpid-soup · 10 months

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LOTS OF STEVEN UNIVERSE SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY STEVEN UNIVERSE FUTURE (I’ll leave the ramble below the cut for the ppl who don’t want spoilers <3)

take a funny pic before u leave :3

(btw, if any info here is incorrect feel free to lmk or even start a calm conversation about your thoughts! I love learning more and hearing ppls perspective <3)

maybe it’s an unpopular opinion but i LOVE steven universe future, like it’s so good?? I was rewatching the last few episodes since I wanna write a fic where Steven stayed longer with Jasper bc i think they had an interesting friendship in SUF lol

But I wish it wasn’t so short and that the episodes were longer and spent more time on the characters working through their issues.

And yes, Steven may not be “Classic Steven” in SU:Future but that’s what I love about it. Trauma changes you. Even if you learn how to be a better person, it doesn’t mean it’s super easy to apply those skills to your life. It’s still so hard. Even when you think you’ve changed and gotten better, old habits seep through and you realize that maybe you haven’t made as much progress as you thought. But what SUF shows is that it’s okay to not be perfect, because that’s what makes us human. We aren’t a monster if we do things wrong, if we hurt people- what matters is that we learn and we actually take the steps to be better. This means taking responsibility. This means not running from your problems but facing them. This isn’t to say that everyone is excused from their actions because they aren’t.

I think that’s what made Connie’s entrance on the “I Am My Monster” episode so perfect. Like, YES it’s your fault! And while she was technically talking to White Diamond, I think it makes more sense if she was talking to everyone there. Everyone there, excluding Connie and Steven, are adults. Most of them have been alive for thousands of years for fucks sake. But they trauma dump and push their problems onto a child who already struggled with fitting in already. I think that even the Crystal Gems play a part in Steven’s trauma, because again, they should know better. He was a child and he didn’t have to be forced into this life. Parents are supposed to protect and make sure their child is exposed to as little bad content as possible.

Now, I’m going to use sex education as an example here, because this is a common issue with adults and how they talk to children, especially about sexual topics. If you wanna skip this bit, I’ll use large GREEN text once it’s over lol

So, there’s “two main sides” (i put it in quotes bc of course there’s ppl with loads of opinions, but these are the two most prominent ones and also the most problematic to their child’s development) to this: Some parents choose to shelter their kids from anything even mentioning sex, maybe even to the point where their child just has no genuine understanding of sex and how to deal with those thoughts and feelings. Without talking to their child maturely about these topics, their child will grow up not only being teased for not understanding but also just without a good understanding of sex and what it entails. Plus sex doesn’t just have to be about the pleasure aspect or procreation, what about sex safety and what to watch out for when choosing to go into a situation where there might be people who could potentially take advantage of you.

Now some other parents choose to not keep an eye on what their kid does on the internet or what influence people are having on their kids, and as a result the child might learn things that their brain isn’t ready to process yet since it isn’t fully developed. This can lead to their child having unrealistic expectations when it comes to sex and even get themselves into dangerous situations on the internet and real life. I’m sure many people here and on most social media platforms can understand that, when it comes to unlimited internet access, it can be a dangerous thing for young kids and teens.

However that’s not to say that everything here is bad, there are ways to learn without being exposed to material that your young brain might not be ready for. An example of this is the parental lock on your electronics! You can also TALK to your child, and focus on keeping an open communication. There’s loads of things to prevent either of these scenarios, which I can go into detail abt- but maybe in another ramble

ANYWAYS

What I mean by referring to this topic is that Steven’s situation can be seen as similar (except in a much more dramatic and complex way lol) There are things that the Crystal Gems and Greg could have done to take better care of Steven. An example being the fact that Steven was pushed headfirst into these life or death threats from such a young age. These were about things he was barely aware of until tragedy struck. So what could’ve helped during Classic SU? There could have been better communication, obviously. Greg could have at least helped homeschool Steven, or use the money he made from the car wash to possibly support Steven and the Gems financially. The Crystal Gems should have sat Steven down and told him about his mom and more about the Gem War. He should have had more of an idea of what he was getting into. The only reason he was so enthusiastic was because the Crystal Gems were his main role models since Greg was often working or just doing his own thing.

Time and time again, Steven had to be the adult in situations like when Greg faked a leg injury or when Garnet split because of the Pearl incident. I could name a million more situations where he had to be the bigger person, but I won’t for my sanity.

The Crystal Gems should have gotten more repercussions for the way they treated Steven, the things they put onto his shoulders despite being a literal child. Greg could have been a better dad, because being a dad isn’t just about having fun. Being a dad is hard and can take a lot of you, but you made the choice to bring this child into the world so you have to take responsibility. At least, in Greg’s case that’s what happened. He knew the risks and he still had a kid with Rose, so he should have been around more as Steven grew up.

anhwyas im exhausted, maybe more rambling tmrow lmao idk

love u guys and take careee

#steven universe #steven universe future #steven universe: future #SU #su:f #rambles rambles rambles #soupy thoughts #soup rambles #im so tired

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deheerkonijn · 5 years

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“Tell me, which would she have you value more?”

For @thomasmxller, who asked me for Legolas returning to Mirkwood for the first time after the Ring War. :) This is one of my fave imagined scenarios for the Mirkboys ‘cause in my humble headcanon Thranduil is a sometimes-emotionally difficult but otherwise pretty good and supportive dad. If Legolas, say, makes a trip to Imladris to run basically a quick errand…………and ends up being MIA for a year while there is a very scary war on…………I think perhaps that’s the exact moment a father might realize he definitely hasn’t told his son that he loves him nearly enough.

Anyway - this topic is very dear to me – thank you for your support!! 😊💕

#lotr #lord of the rings #thranduil #legolas #squeeze the son #squeeze that son!!!#I'm real nasty I like a Thranduil who understands that if he gives Gimli the boot he gives Legolas the boot as well #and so wisely is not willing to sacrifice the love of his only son for anything #that's the real good stuff yeah #also humbly lays more secret headcanons into the tags #I like the idea that Legolas is the youngest elf we know of in LOTR canon #so yes he’s an adult and over two thousand years old but he’s also: everyone’s little brother #all elves treat him either like a bratty twerp or a precious baby boy #like ???????? you sent an infant on this dangerous quest Elrond look at him he’s a CHILD #Thranduil shows up in Rivendell like two months after the Fellowship leaves absolutely ready to throw hands with Elrond #dad fight of the age #place your bets #(it's a tough call cause elrond is elrond but Thranduil is basically a cryptid)#WHO WOULD WIN IN A DAD-FIGHT BETWEEN ELROND AND THRANDUIL LIKE COMMENT AND SUBSCRIBE

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ironmariposa · 2 years

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I’d walk a thousand miles (just to see you)

Ch 2

Summery: Pepa deals with her sister leaving about as well as one would expect. At least she has Félix to help her out.

Also found on Ao3

It’s not that Pepa doesn’t like Agustín. He’s a decent enough guy and he makes her sister happy. Extremely happy, when he’s here. But he also makes her really sad when he’s not.

And he’s not here more often than he is.

And if there’s one thing Pepa does not like it’s seeing either of her siblings unhappy.

And so, no he’s not a bad guy, maybe a bit clumsy and accident prone, a bit of a dork, but she doesn’t trust the end game. She knows it’ll be her sister left behind, once again, silently crying as Pepa tries desperately to pick up the pieces.

“You’re what?” Pepa says as a rumble of thunder sounds over them. She brushes her hand over her head in irritation, already anticipating her mamá’s shout.

“Pepa, you have a cloud.” Like clockwork, that woman.

No shit she wants to reply but instead waves both hands over her head until the cloud disappears. Julieta just continues kneading the dough at the counter, paying them no mind.

“What do you mean you’re going to…” Pepa blanks on the name her sister had given her.

“Bogotá.” Julieta says.

Pepa huffs, “Bogotá. Are you leaving for good? With him? Are you getting married?”

Julieta huffs out a breath of laughter, glancing at her sister, “No, hermanita, I’m just going for a visit. Meet Agustin’s family. His friends.”

“He has friends?” Pepa snorts in disbelief.

“Yes Pep, he does. And he wants me to meet them. And his parents and his abuela.”

“But in Bogwhatever?”

“Bogotá” Julieta says patiently.

Pepa glances back behind her then moves closer to her sister, “Have you told mamá yet?”

“I have.” Julieta’s mouth straightens into a line and Pepa can imagine how that conversation went.

“And she okayed it?” She asks in disbelief.

That seems to be the line for Julieta as she drops the bowl of dough loudly to the counter and turns to her sister, “I’m a twenty-three year old woman, I don’t need her to okay it. I don’t need her permission.”

Pepa has to bite her lip to stop from smiling at her sister's defiance. It’s not often it happens, but when it does she always finds it adorable on her big sister. She’s always the good one, the golden child, while Pepa is the one that likes to stir things up.

“Okay. You’re a big, bad adult, I get it.” Pepa teases and Julieta rolls her eyes as she turns back to the dough, “Look, you two should come out with Félix and I tonight.”

Julieta smiles at her, “Thanks. I’m sure Agustín would like that.”

Pepa may not be the biggest fan of Agustín but Félix absolutely is. Mostly because the two of them were close before they started dating the Madrigal sisters. And now because they are.

“Agustín!!” Félix shouts over the music and loud chatter in the cantina, “It’s been too long hombre!”

Agustín and Félix hug and when they part, Félix grabs Bruno by the arm and hugs him too. He then leans in to kiss Julieta on the cheek. As Agustín does the same to Pepa. After all the greetings are done, they settle at a table and Manuel joins them with drinks.

”WEPA!” They all shout and he squeezes into their group and Pepa is comfortably squished between Félix and Julieta.

Pepa knocks back her first drink without a word and fills her glass back up. She can already feel the sweat tickling at the back of her neck as the crowd grows. It’s a typical Saturday night in the cantina, music and drinking and good friends. Pepa loves all three of those things and so there’s no clouds in sight and everyone that walks by smiles at her.

She dances with Félix until she’s dizzy from spinning or the alcohol or most likely both and her hair is hot on her neck. She sees Julieta on the dance floor and then she’s not and she can’t find her or Agustín in the crowd or at the table and she thinks ‘good for them’.

It’s a perfect night.

Until she gets too drunk to continue dancing and Félix takes her back to the table which is crowded with more than just the six of them. Including Julieta and Agustín who are back from wherever they disappeared too. They both look flushed but then again so does everyone.

“And where exactly did you disappear to?” Pepa teases her sister who flushes even more, “Look at you taking after your little sister.”

Julieta laughs as she knocks her shoulder against Pepa’s, “Stop.”

“Just tell me, did he satisfy you?”

Julieta hums and Pepa starts bouncing in her seat, clapping, “Wepa! Way to go!”

Agustín glances at them and Julieta shoves Pepa, “Stop it!”

Pepa can only laugh as she leans across Julieta to Agustín, “I didn’t know you had it in you, city boy!”

He raises an eyebrow and says, “There’s a lot you don’t know about me, weather girl.”

“Ohhh.” Pepa and Agustín laugh together and even though she knows Julieta is embarrassed she shakes her head at their banter and shoves Pepa back to her side.

Then everyone at the table starts talking about Julieta’s upcoming trip, very few of them have ever been outside their borders and the excitement is high about what she’ll see and do. For everyone but Pepa, it seems, and so she drinks more and it sours her perfect night until a cloud appears.

Pepa has her arm around her sister and is leaning heavily on her. Bruno is on the other side of her. He’s not as drunk but he’s tipsy enough to join in on their sentimental moment. Always a willing participant when it comes to bonding time. Pepa’s cloud is drizzling on all three of them, but that’s not her fault, her sister, her other half is leaving her. For the very first time. Ever. “We’ve never been apart.”

“I know.” Julieta whispers back, “But it’s only for a week. I’ll be back before you even miss me.”

A sprinkle starts as she says the next words, “I already miss you hermana.”

Julieta laughs softly and hugs Pepa to her, “I’m right here.” But she lets Pepa hang on her the rest of the night.

Later, as the six of them make their way to Casita from the cantina, they linger briefly on the front lawn, putting up pretenses that Félix and Agustín were going to head back home. Actually Agustín probably was heading home, Pepa was pretty certain he had never stayed overnight.

As they start to say their goodbyes, Pepa stumbles out of Felix’s arms and steps toe to toe with Agustín, jabbing a finger at his chest, “You promise me you’ll bring her back.”

“Ow.” He rubs the spot on his chest and chuckles nervously, “Of course I will, Pepa.”

“Promise me!” She demands, a thunderclap echoing over them, not backing down from the taller man.

“I promise, I promise.” His eyes flicker to Julieta who only shakes her head as she presses her lips together.

Manuel takes his cousins arm and guides him back, “Come on primo, before she decides to threaten you with a lightning bolt.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Pepa shouts to their retreating backs.

Julieta takes Pepa’s arm, “Come on Pepa, let’s get you to bed.”

“Pepí?”

Pepa hums but doesn’t open her eyes. She doesn’t remember much last night beyond confronting Agustín. She figures Félix led her up to her room and to her bed which she obviously passed out in immediately. She’s glad he stayed though. She’s gotten far too comfortable with him being in her bed.

She feels a hand slide across her bare stomach (so she managed to get undressed) and then a mouth nuzzling her neck. It feels nice but not enough to fully wake.

Yet.

“I have to go.”

“Mmm. No.”

Félix chuckles against her neck and the vibration spreads through her body. She loves his laugh. She loves the way it makes her feel. Happy and in love and like she will never have a dark cloud in her lifetime again.

Unrealistic she knows but she doesn’t care.

“Yes.” He nips the spot between her shoulder and neck and before he can pull away from her, she latches onto his arm around her waist.

“Stay.”

Félix sighs against her and she knows she’s won. He slides back in the bed behind her and molds his body fully against hers. His hand, still on her stomach, slides down lower as he presses his hardness against her backside.

“Oh.” She mumbles and presses back against him. He chuckles against her neck as his fingers slide over her clit and across her slit. Her body starts to slowly wake as his fingers move against her. Bringing her fully into consciousness.

“I think I’ll just.” And as he adjusts her legs, he pushes himself inside of her and oh, now she’s awake.

Her back arches and her arm reaches back to his head as inch by glorious inch slides inside of her until he’s fully sheathed. He is stretching her in ways she didn’t know she could be stretched and although it’s so tight, it makes her feel full and complete. Then without a word he slowly starts to move inside her from behind and she gasps at the sensation of having him do it so slowly.

Typically they’re a fast and hard type of couple. They’ve had sex on every surface in her and his room and even some outside. They eventually make it to her bed but usually it’s just to sleep. Although most mornings he does like to wake her with a nice slow massage of his tongue before leaving by climbing out her balcony.

This is new though and she finds she doesn’t exactly hate it. There was something to be said about slow, morning sex.

She feels her orgasm start to build, and her mouth opens in a gasp as his fingers pinch her nipple. “Félix.” She moans and his hand slides back down to her clit, slowly massaging it as his rhythm starts to pick up.

“I got you, mi amor.” He whispers in her ear before tugging her lobe between his teeth and her orgasm crashes over just as he pulls out to spill his over himself.

Pepa turns, her eyes now open and fully awake, and pulls him in for a passionate kiss. They both break apart after a moment with a gasp.

“That was…”

Félix smiles, his beautiful smile she loves, and kisses her on the nose, “Perfect. But now I really have to go.”

Pepa sighs in disappointment and he brushes his knuckles over her cheek, “One day we’ll be married and we never have to leave this bed again.”

“Promise?”

He chuckles, “Prometo.”

He pulls himself from her embrace and quickly gets dressed. He’s just stepping out onto her balcony when she calls out to him, “Could you hurry up with that married thing, I’m ready to spend forever in bed with you.”

As she expected he jogs back to her and gives her one last kiss, his lips warm and firm, his tongue hot and wet as he slides it into her mouth for a fleeting taste. Pepa parts her lips eagerly, wanting more, but he chuckles and tweaks a strand of her hair, before making his way back to the balcony and climbing down.

“You’re running late.” Pepa hears Julieta say but doesn’t hear her boyfriend's response as they make their way around Casita.

Julieta leaves a few days later with Agustín to very little fanfare. Their mamá couldn’t even be bothered to see them off and so Bruno stands with Pepa, his arm around her waist, his head on her shoulder as they watch them slowly disappear from view.

“She’ll be back before you know it.” He says but she’s not sure if he’s trying to reassure her or himself. Pepa sighs and ruffles her brother's hair before pulling away.

“I have chores, then I’m going to Félix’s for dinner. Cover for me?”

Bruno rolls his eyes but she blows him a kiss, knowing fully well that he will.

“She’s not going to be happy with both of you missing dinner.” He calls out to her retreating back.

Pepa just waves a hand over her head, and calls out, “Thanks hermanito.”

Her week drags by slowly. Julieta was wrong, she’s missing her by hour two. But she fills her days with her chores and spending as much time as possible with Félix and his family.

During one of the dinners with his family, talk turns to their engagement and Pepa watches Félix closely. She knows he loves her. She knows he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. And yet there are times when she’s afraid he’ll realize how much trouble her and her clouds are and be done with her.

It’s not that she doesn’t trust him. She just sometimes has all her childhood bullies words in her ears. Ex-boyfriends in her teens that would tell her she was too emotional even though she knew she wasn’t anymore emotional than any other teen girl, it was just easier to tell with her.

She’s grown from all that. She loves herself. Loves her gift more often than not and ever since her and Félix started dating she’s had better control over it. She knows he loves her. Gift and all. And he never makes her feel bad if she has a cloud no matter what it’s producing.

His mom takes Pepa’s hand in hers and pats it, “I’ll talk to your mom. How do you feel about planning the dinner soon after your sisters returns?”

Pepa opens her mouth silently, unable to form a coherent thought. Félix chuckles from beside her as he slides his hand in her free one and brings it up to his mouth to press his lips against it.

“Má, you’ve done the impossible. You’ve made Pepa Madrigal speechless.”

His mom pats her hand again, “But look at the beautiful rainbows she’s created just at the thought of marrying mi sol. I truly could not have chosen anyone better for my Félix. You will make him so happy.”.

“She already does mamá.” Félix says as he squeezes Pepa’s hand. She finally manages a deep breath and blinks.

Felix’s papa laughs and points his lips at his wife, “Don’t think that’s how you reacted to our engagement.”

His mom drops Pepa’s hand and huffs at her husband as she picks up her fork to continue eating, “That’s because you weren’t quite as charming as our mijo.”

“Ha! Where do you think he gets it from?”

And their banter continues for the rest of dinner, Félix keeps a hold of her hand and after dinner when she attempts to help clear the table, he steals her away to a dark corner in order to kiss her breathless.

“We’re getting married.” He whispers against her lips and her heart stops as rainbows appear again.

“Félix, whatever you’re doing to Pepa, let the poor girl have dessert first.”

Félix hums against her lips, “That’s exactly what I’m doing.” He says before kissing her again.

Pepa laughs and lightly smacks his chest before pushing him away even though everything in her wants to drag him upstairs to his room.

Two days before Julieta is to return, Pepa walks in on her mamá and Señora Guzmán having tea together and talking.

About Julieta.

Pepa quickly steps back into the shadows as her mamá says, “I think it would be a perfect arrangement.”

Señora Guzmán nods in agreement, “The Madrigals and Guzmáns together would be so good for the Encanto.”

“Such a fine young man with my perfect Julieta.”

“They will bring a new generation of magical blessings and make both of our families stronger.”

Pepa has to leave to avoid her mamá hearing her clouds begin to rumble.

Pepa knew Mario Guzmán, there wasn't a girl or woman in the Encanto that didn’t. He is a dark, tall muscular man who has short brown hair with side-swept bangs and hazel eyes. Kind and soft spoken and oh so incredibly boring.

Her mamá and Señora Guzmán were considered friends and they had had the Guzmáns over for dinner many times. When she had to sit by Mario she had nearly fallen asleep in her food with how dull his conversations would be.

He was also older than them. At least in his thirties. And still single.

“Má, you know she loves Agustín!” Pepa protests that night at dinner when she confronts her about the conversation. Her mamá had simply shrugged it off and said Pepa shouldn’t eavesdrop.

Her mamá clucks her tongue, “It’s merely puppy love. A passing fancy that she will get over. Especially now that she’ll see how different their lives are.”

“Is that why you let her go?” Bruno asks quietly and Pepa quickly catches on. She had wondered why their mamá hadn’t put up more of a fight on letting Julieta leave Encanto. It wasn’t like her to let the golden child be gone for so long, letting the Encanto be without her gift of healing.

“Of course. She’ll see his world is so much bigger and fast paced. She’ll see that they are far too different.”

“And what?” Pepa asks, “She’ll break it off with him and willingly fall into the arms of Mario Guzmán?” Pepa shivers at the thought of the older man. Sure he’s easy on the eyes, but there’s not much else about him to brag about, “He’s much older than all of us. She’ll never go for it.”

“Mario Guzmán is a good man. He would make a good husband.”

“Mamá.” Bruno says in that knowing tone of voice, “You can’t do this to her. You can’t just choose who she’s going to marry.”

“Oh Brunito, I’m not choosing. I’m simply,” she pauses to take a sip of her drink, “Guiding her in his direction.”

Pepa slams her hands down on the table and stands suddenly, her chair nearly falling over if not for Casita catching it, “Well I won’t stand for it.”

Alma gives her that cold stern look she’s perfected over the years and says simply, “Good thing it’s not up to you.”

Thunder rumbles over her head as she turns and storms out of the dining area and up to her room. She tries to slam her door but like the many times before Casita stops it and gently clicks it shut.

“Ugg Casita!! Just once I wish you would let me do that!! It would be so therapeutic!”

Casita shrugs sheepishly (can a house be sheepish) and so instead Pepa kicks the door which only makes her foot hurt and now she’s even more frustrated as she hobbles over to her chair to rub her foot.

So sure Pepa doesn’t love the arrangement Agustín and her sister are in, but that doesn’t mean she wants them to actually break up. And she’ll be damned if she lets their own mamá attempt to set up an arranged marriage.

Besides, she thinks as she picks up a book and settles into her armchair, if Agustín stops coming around, who will bring her new romance novels to read

#encanto fanfic #pepa madrigal #félix madrigal #julieta madrigal #agustín madrigal #julieta x agustín #pepa x felix #my writing

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artdev · 3 years

Text

I’m probably gonna get attacked for this lol

Tommy Character Analysis

From a sane yet angry child

The character of Tommyinnit is one of the worst characters on the entirety of the Dream SMP. Yes, the other characters have their flaws, and they have all done some very horrible things, but Tommy has continuously made bad decisions. These decisions have done nothing good for himself and have caused suffering for the other members of the SMP. In this essay I will provide reason to the fact character Tommy fucking sucks and every other character, yes including Dream, are so much better and have redeeming qualities to their characters. I will give a disclaimer: this is about THE CHARACTERS not the CONTENT CREATORS

Tommy’s First Days on the SMP

Tommy’s first day on the SMP was the last day of peace that server would ever see. From the get-go Tommy did nothing but cause nothing but problems for the original people on the server (Dream, George, Sapnap, Bad, Sam, Ponk, Callahan, and Alyssa) which resulted in a ban from not only from Dream, after refusing to obey under his exile he was put in, himself but also from George. The bans were lifted but everything spiraled from that point on. Tommy was the spark that started the disc war. This was a war that spanned over a series of months because Tommy would not stop killing Dream, so in return Dream confiscated tommy’s discs as a punishment, it was Dreams server, so he was not going to let Tommy go around causing problems without consequence.

Quick history

L ’Manburg

L’ Manburg started out as nothing but a drug caravan, started by Wilbur and tommy, would grow into a large country separated by large black walls keeping everyone out and let only a select few in. After a war Tommy did the only selfless thing, he would ever do in his whole time on the SMP. He gave up one of his discs for L’Manburg’s independence, after losing a dule with Dream. In all this tommy keeps up his thieving and antagonizing ways.

The election

The election was Wilbur’s attempt to regain power and respect within his country, there were multiple parties, POG 2020 (Wilbur and Tommy), SWAG 2020 (Quackity), Schlatt 2020 (JSchlatt). POG 2020 was the overall winner but was beat out by 1% by Schlatt and Quackity who had formed a coalition. With Schlatt as the president and Quackity as the Vise President the country is changed to Manburg, the walls are torn down, and Tommy and Wilbur have their citizenship is revoked and are banned from Manburg.

Pogtopia and Manburg v Pogtopia

Pogtopia was the ravine that served as a base for Tommy and Wilbur after the election. This is when techno (my fuckin beloved) had joined and sided with Tommy and Wilbur with the promise of chaos and war. With techno on their side, they start to build up and prepare for war. The war between Pogtopia (with the old residents of Manburg) and Manburg (pretty much everyone else on the server). The war ended with Schlatt having a heart attack in the remains of the destroyed drug van, Tubbo becoming president of Manburg, followed by Wilbur blowing up the country, with assistance from techno, and his grand death at the hands of his father.

Exile

Tommy was sent into his third exile by Tubbo after Tommy once again was causing problems for Tubbo and the new L ’Manburg. Tommy was sent thousand and thousands of blocks away from the greater SMP and he was not allowed to return unless he wanted to die. After spending months in exile with Dream coming by every day and taking Tommy’s things, and tommy almost taking his last canon life, tommy had escaped exile and went to the closest place he could go. Tommy set up a base under Technoblades retirement home and was soon discovered by Techno. Despite Tommy stealing Techno’s items and just being a annoying ass bitch, Techno let Tommy stay. With the help of techno tommy was able to sneak in and out of L’ Manburg.

Final L’ Manburg War

After a confrontation in the remains of a now destroyed community house, Tommy had sided with Tommy, another declaration of war, with Dream and techno going to blow up L’ Manburg. Tommy planed with the other members to gather resources to face off the most powerful people on the server. In the end L’ Manburg lost and was destroyed with nothing left but a sizable crater in its place.

The end of the disc war and drams imprisonment

The end of season two of the SMP was the end of the disc war, after tommy and Tubbo meet up with Dream at the top of a large mountain, where the three fought to get the discs. Dream eventually leads the two brits to a bunker where Dream had been collecting the attachments on the server, like Tommy’s cow henry, Ghostbur’s sheep Friend, and open slots for other pets and Skeppy. While Dream was going to kill Tubbo he was stopped when the entirety of the SMP, lead by Punz, came through the nether portal that led into Dream’s base. They surrounded Dream and caused him to surrender, and landed him in pandoras vault, a large prison built by Sam under Dreams request. Whist Dream has been in prison Tommy has visited a few times and has done nothing but was nothing but an annoying child to an already suffering man. During what was supposed to be Tommy’s last visit he ended up being locked in the cell with Dream due to a potential security breach in the prison, meaning tommy was stuck with Dream for what was only supposed to be a week. Tommy was stuck with Dream for more than a week, like was stated in the terms and conditions of the prison, this extended time alone with Dream was bad for the both of them and it led to tommy losing his last canon life. Tommy was revived by Dream three days later and was freed from the prison shortly after, now out and full of fresh trauma.

Present events

After being revived and released back into the world tommy swore that he would kill Dream. As of tommy’s most recent lore stream there was an attempt. Tommy armed with invisibility and fire res pots, under the cover of Ghostbur paying Dream a visit, snuck into the prison to kill Dream. When tommy finally go to Dream’s cell, he got to trigger happy and took out the axe to soon which ended in tommy being caught by Sam and left Ghostbur stranded with Dream on the other side of the lava. Now that Dream had Ghostbur he would be able to bring Wilbur back and that exactly was happened, Wilbur is now back and as crazed as ever with 13 and a half years of isolation on top of that.

Tommy and His Trauma

I will not ignore Tommy’s trauma, nor will I downplay what he’s been through, cause truly been through a lot. That being said his trauma should not be used as an excuse to blow off what he’s done, if one is going to do that you better danm well not go around and ignore others trauma. Tommy has been through some horrible things, his exile, Dream’s manipulation, being beat to death in prison then being revived, losing not only a brother figure but also a place he called home, as well as the manipulation from Wilbur, these things can really do some damage to a kid or an adult. Tommy though uses his trauma to excuse any wrong thing he does. There are characters on the SMP with similar trauma, Jack Manifold was the first character to come lose all his canon lives but he came back out of spite, both Tommy and Jack went through something similar. Jack, however, doesn’t use this trauma to make excuses for being a massive prick. Jack uses what he’s been through as motivation, while it’s one of his motivations to do something bad, but he doesn’t use it as a hindrance. Now let’s look at someone has experienced the same things as Tommy, Tubbo, Tubbo went through almost everything Tommy went through plus more. Tubbo was manipulated by Dream, saw his country get blown up TWICE, hell he had to mourn the death of his best friend on TWO SEPREATE OCCASIONS, he was killed by someone he thought he could be trusted, was manipulated as well as verbally abused by Schlatt when working in his cabinet. Tubbo has gone on to build his own little town, start a family, he had run a country pretty danm well and created NUKES. Tubbo doesn’t let what happened to him hold him back from doing great things or keep him stuck in his old ways, Tubbo was able to break from what he originally was, a side kick, and has done wonders.

Tommy and His Relationships

Keep in mind this is not about whether Tommy cares about people it’s about how he acts and how that affects others. Tommy cares people so I cannot shame him for that, but despite that he still causes problems for said people.

Tommy and Dream

Tommy and Dream have never gotten along, anyone with fuckin eyes can see that from a mile away, they are always at each other’s throats and always butting heads. Dream is normally pretty levelheaded, until Tommy comes around. When Tommy was trapped in the cell with dream that was bad from the start, but the extended time was even worse. Tommy has always been an aggressor towards Dream, during the war for L ’Manburg when Dream was meeting with Wilbur, Tommy lashed out at Dream and put the independence of this new nation on the line to try and fight Dream. Now on to more recent examples, Tommy’s death. When Tommy was trapped with Dream in the cell Dream was pretty stand offish, if anything he was excited at first, being stuck in a cell with no one to talk to is pretty fuckin lonely. That excitement was sure to be short lived. Tommy is quick to start antagonizing Dream, hitting him, hurling insults at him, and just being all around unpleasant, Tommy would also take things like Dream’s clock and books and throw them into the lava just to upset him. Tommy also killed the one thing in prison that Dream had, a cat that he named hope, another thing Tommy took away just to show “what happens to things you care about”. All these things would build up over time which lead to Dreams burst of anger and caused Tommy’s death.

Tommy and Technoblade

Time to get absolutely PISSED. Techno was never a person to Tommy, he was just the Blade, a weapon to be used till he was not needed. Ever since Techno first logged on Tommy though he had scary dog privileges, getting mad at techno for when he went and assisted Wilbur in the destruction of L ’Manburg when techno had made it clear he was not a fan of government. After Tommy had fled from his exile he went to hide under Techno’s home without Techno’s knowledge, before he was discovered by Techno, he would steal from him and use them in useless ways, such as decorating his hidey hole with gold blocks or how he stole Techno’s gapples and ate them when he didn’t need to, practically wasting them. Once he was found by Techno, Techno let Tommy live with him despite being a leach, he let tommy eat the gapples, and even assisted in getting tommy in and out of L ’Manburg, he even hid Tommy from dream and lied to one of the most powerful people on the server to keep tommy safe. Techno was very patient with Tommy and what does Tommy do? He goes around and goes back to Tubbo, the man who exiled him in the first place, actively backstabbing Techno, and when him and Dream team up and destroy L ’Manburg for the second time he has THE GULL to get mad and shame Techno for it, it’s fucking awful.

Tommy and Tubbo

Tommy and Tubbo are great friends, I can’t lie about that, but he still manages to make shitty decisions that affect him. When Tubbo was president of the New L ’Manburg Tommy started causing trouble, all starting when he (and Ranboo) burned down George’s house, forcing Tubbo to put his vice president under a probation. Even after being put under the probation, he still caused problems. Tommy made Tubbo choose between the safety and freedom for his country or his best friend staying, in the end it was tommy’s fault for being casted into exile, he just wouldn’t behave and follow the rules. He also constantly pushed Tubbo’s trauma to the side to put a spotlight on his own, making him the center of attention, ignoring someone who’s supposed to be his best friend. Now, I will say, he did do something good for Tubbo, during the final disc confrontation he gave Dream the disc’s they were fighting so hard for in return for Tubbo’s safety, I have to give credit when credit is due.

To The C!Tommy Apologists

I know people are going to come after me for this, to any Tommy apologists reading this, please just can it /nm. In canon tommy is about 20 something? You can’t keep using “Oh HeS a ChILd!’ CC!Tommy is a child. Yes, I understand he’s traumatized, so is every other character on the SMP, he isn’t special. Also, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LEAVE US DREAM APOLOGISTS ALONE. All your arguments are so similar and you all thing dream, who is obviously mentally ill, deserves the everyday beating which is incredibly fucked up. Now I know not ALL Tommy apologists are like this but it is a lot of them, regardless of what dream did, he does not deserve to be rarely fed and he does not deserve the constant torture. Also please stop wit the whole ‘dream is obsessed with tommy’ shit, I can’t remember the tag for it at the time of writing this, but it is the creepiest thing I’ve seen and everyone portrays dream to be some yandere stalker and its just not poggers to be honest, and it comes off as very predatory which is ALSO not poggers. To any tommy apologists friends I know IRL this is not directed at you and just know I love y’all.

#dsmp fandom #c!tommy #c!tommy negative #dream smp #dream apologist

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conscious-love · 3 years

Text

Why Holding On To Past Relationships Is The Worst Thing You Can Do For Yourself, Period

by Daniel Dowling via MindBodyGreen

Three years ago I was a 24-year-old failure-to-launch who lived on his mom’s couch and shared a bathroom with two teenage sisters. My friends had their own houses, degrees, and independence. And there I was, broke and depressed, totally reliant on my parents. It hadn't ever not been that way.

But in 2014 I made one small decision, which led to results I still sometimes can’t believe.

Today, I’m leading writers in a national campaign to rebrand my hometown, and I write for the best entrepreneurial and self-improvement sites in the world (mbg being my favorite; no lie). I make a great living coaching others to become the happiest and most successful versions of themselves. That’s a lot of change in just three years, from any perspective. And I can trace the transformation of my life back to one single thing: letting go of my exes—completely.

Breaking free from serial monogamy.

For most of my adult life I’d been a serial monogamist. I thought I just really loved love, but it turns out I was just really, really afraid of responsibility. So, for my personal dissatisfaction and unhappiness, self-improvement wasn’t the cure—it was a new girlfriend! And when that one didn’t work out, I'd find another. Yay for love!

Except it wasn’t love because I wasn’t becoming the best version of myself through these relationships. So after the last one ended ignominiously, I quit the love game—just not quite all the way.

I still kept in contact with my exes. And Jen—my former fiancee—was a particular crutch. We still visited each other even though we lived in different states. We kept in regular contact through texts and phone calls, especially during crises. I was still depending on her to make me happy.

Every time we talked, I renewed the connection to my former ways of thinking and behaving. It strengthened the conviction that, deep down, I could only be happy with Jen. She was my way out. If things got too tough, I could always come to her, and she could come to me. We even promised that if we weren’t married by 30, we’d get hitched. Talk about a safety net… (and, yes, also the plot of My Best Friend's Wedding).

Unfortunately, that safety net was keeping me from being the bold, successful, independent man I wanted to become. I just couldn’t seem to cut the cord on my own.

Flying without a net.

Then one day I was listening to an audio course from my favorite self-improvement mentor, Zig Ziglar. He was talking about how to right our wrongs and forgive ourselves. He advised writing apologies down and sending them to the appropriate people. But he had a special step for exes.

"When it comes to the forgiveness you want from your exes [Zig has a drawling Southern accent], I want you to follow all the steps I just gave you. But instead of sending off the letter, I want you to fold it up, light a fire, and burn the damn thing. Cuz there’s no point in renewing emotional connections with people who aren’t good for you. That’s why they're your exes! It’s time to move on from them and fully embrace your own life."

When one is slapped by truth, one’s jaw has a tendency of dropping, and the eyes have a tendency to glaze over, lost in a thousand-yard stare. That was the picture of my face. Might’ve even drooled a little.

I thought about Jen, and Em, and Katie. I thought about how important they’d been for me and how much security they’d brought me. And I knew I had to let them go for good. For good.

No more texts or calls. No more being Facebook friends. No email updates. No nothing.

I had anxiety about the decision, naturally—severing ties with my past and obliterating a huge comfort zone. But I had a future to step into. I had to do that on my own.

Dealing with the emptiness.

I missed my former girlfriends like crazy. But instead of feeling sorry for myself and longing for them, I prayed for them. I asked God for the same things I was asking for my own self-improvement journey—courage, faith, hope, positivity, inspiration, grace, and so on. I prayed for them to meet amazing and inspiring friends who could help them become their best selves. I prayed for my future wife. And I prayed that I would become the fully independent man capable of supporting her.

In all this praying, I completely changed my focus. Instead of relying on my girlfriends for faith and reassurance, I relied on God and my own ability to handle my problems. I took back the misplaced faith in my girlfriends and put it squarely in my own hands.

That’s when I finally launched.

Do you believe in life after love?

Just like Cher, I found my power only after letting go of my past relationships.

Without my exes as safety nets, it was just me. Nobody else was going to make me happy. So I did what I needed to do to make me successful—all the writing, studying, practicing, pitching, researching, and self-improvement. I actually become part of a community and made new friends. I fully embraced my own damn life.

Three months passed and I still missed my exes. But I was making money through my writing and making new connections.

Six months passed and I still missed my exes. But I’d started earning a full-time living through my writing. And I was growing more confident by the day, especially in my community.

A year passed and I still missed my exes. But I was fully independent through my passion. And I’d outgrown the anxiety and depression that had haunted me since I was a teenager—a by-product of my newfound faith in me.

It’s been three full years since I cut out my exes. I’m 100 percent over each one, but I’m human—I still miss them! Who wouldn’t? They were brilliant and beautiful women who were insanely fun to be with. I made thousands of joyful memories with each one.

Sometimes I’m reminded of them by hearing a certain song or watching a movie. But that’s just another opportunity for me to thank God for them and to pray for them. It’s another opportunity for me to be the independent and faithful man I know I can be for myself, for my wife, for my clients, and for my audience. It’s another opportunity to find security in myself and in a higher power. And through these opportunities, I’ve found the happiness and fulfillment I always wanted.

I advise all of my clients to go on a yearlong relationship fast, which most of them do. But the real growth comes when they fully let go of their exes and stop using them as crutches. It’s hard, hard, hard to do but absolutely essential if you want to grow.

Here are five tips to help you let go of your exes for good:

1. Start a self-improvement routine, complete with daily, weekly, and monthly goal setting.

Read this article as a primer.

2. Meet with someone weekly to discuss your personal growth and your journey.

This person will help keep you accountable to your goals and lifestyle choices. Can be a friend or an amazing coach.

3. Stay single for a year—totally single.

If you can’t be happy with you, you won’t be happy—truly happy—with anyone else. Love that you! Commit to being successfully single for a year. That means happy, connected in your community, fulfilled in your work, and in a state of continuous personal growth. (Your daily routines and long-term goals will be critical to this step.)

4. Surround yourself with positive, uplifting people.

Join a faith community where people strive to live out the values you identify with. This is where you’ll find the deep connections that you can grow with—and that will prevent you from leaning on your exes as crutches.

5. Pray or meditate often.

Use your emotions as mindfulness cues. When you miss someone, pray for them. When you’re lonely, pray for the courage, positivity, and fortitude to make good decisions. When you think you can’t go on—that happens to everyone—pray for what you need. This will help you grow faith in a higher power and yourself, which is an absolute must if you want to be happy alone.

And being happy alone? That’s an absolute must for loving someone unconditionally in a relationship that can last a lifetime.

Link to article on Mind Body Green

Author: Daniel Dowling

#Daniel Dowling #mindbodygreen #article #relationship #love #breakup #heartbreak #moving on #strength #recovery #healing #self respect #personal development #quotes

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pilferingapples · 3 years

Note

Hi!! I'm so sorry if this question comes off as stupid or uninformed, but I've always had it since I've read Les Mis... how does Bahorel manage his expenses? He comes from a peasant background and I'm guessing his parents weren't able to endow him with much wealth. Yet, he's been enrolling (though not attending) in law classes for eight years, so he must be paying for each year's tuition. I don't have the book on me, but I think I remember it saying that he had a fair bit of money to spend (or maybe I'm remembering that wrong.) But where does he get all this money from? Does he have a job? Or maybe I'm just stupid and farmers do get paid well? I don't know.

..Ok, you know what, Nonny? Not only are you not at all stupid, attempting to answer this question has rocked the very foundations of my understanding of what's going on here! Herein is a Mystery!! Indeed I cannot give you an answer, but I hope you'll journey with me as I explore some New (to me!) Questions!

So , first off, the Known Facts:

Bahorel's parents are peasants! The narration in 3.4.1 says so:

Il avait des parents paysans (he had peasant parents)

and Bahorel, in 3.4.1 , says so :

Il disait d'eux: Ce sont des paysans, et non des bourgeois; c'est pour cela qu'ils ont de l'intelligence (he said of them: They are peasants, and not bourgeois; that is why they're intelligent)

And peasants are of course kind of famously Not Very Wealthy ,but...

Il mangeait à rien faire une assez grosse pension, quelque chose comme trois mille francs.

and here the plot thickens and i enter the land of Linguistic Mystery!

Hapgood translates that line as :

He wasted a tolerably large allowance, something like three thousand francs a year, in doing nothing.

Donougher says

He consumed quite a considerable allowance, something like three thousand francs a year, doing nothing.

Rose:

He ate up a fairly large allowance, something like three thousand francs, doing nothing.

FMA:

Doing nothing he ate up a rather large allowance, something like three thousand francs.

Now I don't have my Wilbour with me, and I don't care what Denny says, but either way, the trend is clear, right? Every translator says "allowance" . Every translator says "allowance" ! And in modern English (and Rose and Donougher at the least are very definitely trying to be modern English friendly!) "allowance", in this context, would mean money from the family-- the allowance for a young adult in college. Right?

This is what I assumed! This is what everyone I know assumed !

BUT IT MIGHT BE WRONG?!?

look again at the French:

Il mangeait à rien faire une assez grosse pension, quelque chose comme trois mille francs.

The part being translated as "a large allowance" is "une assez gross pension". And that is not the French word for allowance! At least, not in the "money from home" sense.

What IS the word for "allowance" (in the money-from-parents sense)? Well, there are a lot of options. Allocation, indemnité, (those two are the words specifically used in examples about students getting money from home!) argent de poche. But pension doesn't seem to be it!

What does "pension" mean? Well, it can mean the money paid to a school or hotel for upkeep--but that would be money that was paid to the school , not something Bahorel was free to use on "nothing" (and also Paris law school was not a boarding school!); it really really doesn't work in context here, and seems to have been an unusual usage anyway.

Aside from that, and a far more common use, a pension was almost always used to mean...well, a pension ! an amount of money paid regularly by the government or a former employer, or paid out regularly from an individual's personal savings/investments.

So if I'm right about this reading of it (and I might not be!) , I think the question hidden in Bahorel's intro isn't "how can his parents afford to support him" but "how the heck is Bahorel, who is , realistically, all of 29 at most, and has been a student for 11 years, already getting a pension ??"

Most of the options seem iffy-- a job he did well enough at that they felt obligated to give him a pension at 2- years old, but didn't want to stay at?? a careful savings accumulated when he was what, 10?? --but there's certainly room for ideas there! (and yes I have indeed been having a lot of fun batting ridiculous theories around with friends today, but--)

I suspect the easiest answer on this is the one Hugo was probably thinking of-- a pension from the government for some sort of Art. That was the first source of financial stability for Hugo when he was in his 20s, after all-- a small but reliable pension for his first volume of poetry-- and he does frame Bahorel as being a very active Romantic, which sort of implies some sort of artistic output.

(...if that's right, it means Bahorel is fighting passionately to overthrow the government that's paying him a regular stipend. He can't be bought out!XD)

Anyway! I was going to get into theories on how Bahorel's parents could be supporting him, but now I think..honestly...they may not be?? Thank you for this question , you've caused me to reassess a very well-known passage! (sources used: Linguee, Wordreference, the 19C word enteries from this collection of dictionary entries over the decades!)

#Bahorel talk #long post #albeit under the cut #Nonny this has rattled my world thank you #I am very open to kind feedback on this !#sorry if anything's unclear! been researching all night and I am falling asleep

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five-rivers · 3 years

Text

Danger First

Chapter 7

@pocketramblr

"Hey, Midoriya?" asked Uraraka, after Aizawa passed out a costume revision assignment and feigned passing out.

"Yes?" said Midoriya, knowing that his eyes were preturnaturally wide and fine tremors were running through his body. He was a wreck.

"Are you okay? Why did you come to class with Mr. Aizawa?"

"And what's that you're holding onto?" asked Kaminari.

"Um," said Izuku. "I was sort of... abducted by the support department? But in a nice way... And they gave me this grappling hook."

"Wow, cool! I didn't know we could get stuff like that from the support department."

"You should really read the student handbook, Kaminari," said Iida, pushing up his glasses.

"But it's so long!"

Iida tsked and adjusted his glasses more vigorously. "You're a student! You should at least be familiar with what is expected of you! Speaking of which, Midoriya, do you know how to use that?"

As much as he could learn from a ten-minute crash-course. "... yes," said Izuku, but it was clear from Iida's face that he had hesitated too long.

"Midoriya! You shouldn't have something like that in the classroom without knowing how to use it!" Iida half stood up, and Izuku clutched the grappling hook closer to his chest.

"No! Mine!" Maybe he was too attached to something he'd only had for a little over an hour, but the support department hadn't been able to give him any smoke bombs or flash grenades due to 'new school regulations regarding explosives' and he'd gone through a lot this morning.

Distress washed over Iida's face, and Izuku wondered if he'd accidentally smacked into some old trauma.

"I wasn't going to take it!" he said, earnestly waving his hands. "I just wanted to make sure you knew where the safety-"

The door to the classroom slammed open. "Is that my little brother I hear?" asked a beaming man in a track suit. Without waiting for an answer, he bounded over to where Iida was sitting and clapped him on the back. "I have come to embarrass you horribly!"

From the expression on Iida's face, this venture was doomed to failure. "I thought you were joking when you said you'd see me today!" exclaimed Iida, beaming.

"Why... why would I joke about that?"

"You joke about a lot of things. Like knowing vigila-"

"Okay! Yes, haha, funny jokester, that's me! Now why don't you introduce me to your classmates?"

"Of course! I have been remiss in my duties as vice president." He stood and executed a ninety-degree bow. "Forgive me! This is my brother, Iida Tensei! Also known as the pro hero Ingenium!"

Izuku could almost see his classmates start to put together the puzzle pieces of Chibiida and extremely tall older brother. He was more concerned about whether or not it would be rude to ask Ingenium for his autograph... and to check his analysis page on Ingenium...

"That's me! And I'll be your special guest TA today! Now, where's Aizawa? You're supposed to have him for homeroom, right?"

As one, the class pointed to the giant yellow caterpillar in the corner of the room.

"Oh my gosh, Shouta, I thought you were joking-"

Ingenium was, to put it in a single word, cool. To put it in two words, he was unbelievably cool. So cool Izuku was almost able to forget the impending field-trip-related DOOM they were all facing.

But not quite.

So Izuku slogged through his classes, still thrilled to be there and waning to do his best, but unable to truly focus past the crushing weight of what might happen. His classmates and maybe-friends hovered at the periphery of his suffering, clearly wanting to help, but just as clearly unsure how, or what lines they could or couldn't cross, leading them to resort to painfully awkward normal small talk.

Until they sat down for lunch, that is, by which time Monoma and Iida had gotten into a conversational spiral about how amazing UA was, how awesome Ingenium was, and how UA was truly superior for being able to have pro-heroes like Ingenium come in as TAs on such short notice.

"Midoriya," said Uraraka, startling him out of his fourth or fifth 'Kacchan sweep.'

(It was still possible that his bad feeling was related to Kacchan hunting him down and blowing him up. He'd be mortified about making such a big deal over it if that was the case, but it would be preferable to, say, a terrorist attack.)

(Why did he keep coming back to terrorist attacks?)

"Are you... okay? You've just seemed really down today, and-"

"Invisible hug!" shouted Hagakure before grabbing Izuku and lifting him over her head.

There was a beat of whispering near-silence. Then Uraraka stood up, slamming both hands on the table and inadvertently making it float. "You have got to tell me your work out routine!"

Izuku agreed.

("Strawberry," someone whispered.)

"I generally say what's on my mind," said Asui as the Iidas had radically different reactions to the bus seating arrangement.

"Aha," said Izuku. The swaying of the bus plus the strain of probably-Danger-Sense was making him nauseous. "What is it, Asui?'

"Call me Tsuyu."

The first time a person his age let him call them by name since kindergarten, and he couldn't properly appreciate it. Figured.

"I was watching the videos of the battle trials I missed last night," Tsuyu continued, "and I realized, I don't think any of us know what your quirk is."

Izuku's first impulse was to lie or redirect the conversation. Years of quirklessness had left their mark. But on second consideration... was there really a reason to lie? He wasn't going to talk about One for All, obviously, but the rest of it was harmless and bound to come out eventually anyway.

"Well," said Izuku, adjusting the fit of his air filter self-consciously. "That's a good question, actually."

"If you're keeping it a secret, I won't press."

"No, no, that isn't it!" Yes, it was. "It's just that, um, it's really subtle? As in, so subtle I thought I was quirkless until recently. Haha."

"Oh, wow," said Kirishima, "that must have been hard. I mean, I got teased for having a boring quirk, I can't even imagine-"

"Your quirk isn't boring! It's more than enough to be a pro!"

"But what is your quirk?" asked Monoma.

"Um," said Izuku, "well, we're not entirely sure, but... We think it lets me sense things that are dangerous? But I've also got anxiety, so..."

Monoma was frowning, but before he could speak, one of Hagakure's gloves waved frantically in front of his face.

"Is that how you knew I was there?" she asked. "In the battle trial and the entrance exam?"

"Maybe? I think so?"

"You were kind of anxious this morning," said Uraraka, concerned. "Did something bad happen to you?"

"Not- not yet," said Izuku, weakly. "It- We still don't really know how it works, so it could just be the anxiety..." He trailed off. Everyone was kind of staring at him. He pressed back against his seat, wishing there was somewhere to hide.

"Well!" said Uraraka, suddenly pumped up. "We'll just have to keep an eye out! We're hero students, aren't we?"

There was a general cheer of consensus and Izuku managed a shaky smile. So, this was what it was like to have friends.

Eventually, Mr. Aizawa told them to calm down, but there was no heat in the scolding. Maybe, Izuku thought, past the ever-increasing buzzing in his head, today would be okay after all.

"Yeah," said Hikage, "there's really no chance of that."

The Unforeseen Simulation Joint was an incredible space!

Space Hero Thirteen was about a thousand times cooler in person than on TV!

All Might, in his golden age rescue-specialized costume, looked like he'd just stepped off the pages of a comic book!

But just like Tsuyu's name, Izuku didn't have the ability to appreciate it.

As the other students marveled over the USJ, Izuku watched the adults quietly talk to one another. It seemed to be something serious.

"Did you find anything else with the safety checks?" asked Shouta.

"A few of the areas had the difficulty set too high- apparently some of the third-years decided to get some practice in and their supervisor didn't reset everything. Other than that? Nothing." Thirteen shook their head. "No signs of structural failure, no security gaps. Everything seems, well, normal."

"Well," said All Might, "whatever happens, we're prepared!"

Aizawa seriously doubted they were prepared for anything, but the most obvious, most likely things? Yeah.

"What do you think, Ingenium?" he asked.

"Everything looks fine to me," said Tensei, shrugging. "But if it was something obvious, then it wouldn't be so much of a threat, right?"

"We're still not sure how Midoriya's quirk really works," said Shouta. "It could be a threat just to him." He sighed heavily.

Tensei smiled in a way that just about guaranteed Shouta would be teased about this later.

"Well, I'm going to start my speech now!" said Thirteen giving the others a thumbs up. "Wish me luck!"

As soon as Thirteen finished their (surprisingly moving) speech, all of Izuku's attention zeroed in on the air next to the fountain. A swirl of dark mist appeared next to it.

Izuku felt like he couldn't breathe.

"Mr. Aizawa-!" But he was already looking in that direction, already watching the man made covered in emerge from the dark hole, followed by a veritable horde of villains.

And Izuku didn't use the term villain idly here. Several of the people he saw were on wanted lists.

Ironically, now that he was faced with real danger, the panicked siren in his head eased off slightly. Evidently, at least some of the strain had been fear of the unknown, and now the threat was very, very known in the worst way, that particular stressor was gone.

"There he is!" cried the man covered in hands. "All Might! The one we've all come for! Nomu! Get him!"

A large villain with an exposed brain who practically sang with danger charged All Might, who grabbed him by the wrist and flung him away, towards the landslide zone. "Ha! That's not much of a challenge! You'll have to do better than that, villains!"

"Maybe," said a villain made of the same mist as the portal that had brought the others. The large villain came charging out of the landslide zone, none the worse for wear. "Maybe not."

"You might be an elite player, but can you fight the boss and protect the noobs you're powerleveling?"

The other villains surged forwards.

This is when Mr. Aizawa and Ingenium jumped into the fray, and everything immediately got more chaotic. Izuku rapidly lost track of the multiple battles occurring around him - except, wow, Mr. Aizawa was really mowing through villains, wasn't he - that Nomu guy had to have a regeneration quirk, there was just no way - he'd have to write down that villain's monolog as soon as they got out, it might have clues - Izuku had no idea that Ingenium could fly and wow that gave him some ideas for Iida-

Speaking of Iida-

"This is no time for analysis! Hurry up and evacuate!"

Right.

"I won't allow that."

Yeah the misty villain definitely had some kind of teleportation quirk, which made this whole thing even more gutsy. Quirks like that were always monitored by the government. These guys must not care about their identities.

"Greetings," he said, a metal colar slipping into place around his neck. "We are the League of Villains. Forgive our audacity, but... today we've come to-"

A gust of air from All Might's fight pushed the mist villain back. But the move had left him partially unguarded, and Izuku watched helplessly as Nomu pounded a fist into his exposed side-

Nomu knew about All Might's injury.

Oh, no.

Izuku didn't have time to process that, however, as Kirishima and Monoma jumped forward, attacking the mist villain.

The feeling of danger spiked, and Izuku barely registered Monoma's bewildered expression.

"Only students... but the best of the best... yes he was right to say you'd be a threat." Darkness spread like an ink stain from the villain's body. Darkness... and portals.

Izuku slammed into Tsuyu and Kaminari, pushing them out of the way of forming portals. He wasn't able to do the same for himself.

"Begone," intoned the mist villain, his voice echoing all around Izuku. "Writhe in torment until you breathe your last."

The next thing Izuku knew, he was in clear light and falling. From at least two stories up, over the flood zone.

And then he stopped.

The ghosts whipped their heads around to stare at Nana. She was sitting on a stool, hiding her face in her hands, though whether it was out of embarrassment or fear for Izuku was unclear.

"Nana..." said Yoichi, softly.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry I saw him falling and pani-"

"What did you do that for!" exclaimed Banjo. "He was only fifteen, twenty meters up! Into water!"

"That's twice as high as Olympic divers go! And they screw up their bodies all the time if they hit wrong!" shot back Nana, other emotions abandoned in favor of rage.

"Uh, guys...?" said Yoichi, weakly.

"Who still watches the Olympics?" muttered En.

"If we had to give him a new quirk, it should have been a combat one!"

"You're just jealous that he has Float and not Blackwhip!"

"So what if I am?" demanded Banjo. "If he had Blackwhip, he wouldn't need that stupid grappling hook gun!"

"So, you admit Blackwhip is just a glorified grappling hook?"

"Better than a glorified- glorified-" He puffed out his cheeks. "I'm going to give him Blackwhip right now!"

"NO!" shouted the other ghosts.

"Banjo," said En, "what do you remember about people who All for One gave three quirks to?"

Banjo went pale.

"Oh, hell," said Banjo. "I'm sorry, I got carried away."

"You can say that again," grumbled Nana.

"But," continued Banjo, "doesn't this mean we can't give him the stockpile?"

They turned to Yoichi, who was far and away the expert on the stockpile quirk. He held up his hands and offered a sick, shaky smile. "We've already started the process of giving him stockpile access. There's... there's really no way to stop it."

Nana started swearing, and even Second and Third looked tense.

"But that's borrowing trouble! Maybe he'll be compatable?"

"With three quirks?"

"It's possible!" protested Yoichi. "I mean, he's- um, he's got One for All? Maybe it's more like All for One than we thought?"

"Disgusting."

"No."

"Absolutely not."

"Never say that again."

"But, again, that's a future problem, unlike the villain attack, which is a now problem."

"I see what you're saying," said En, "but we can't do anything about the villain attack, but we could theoretically do something about quirk troubles. Unless you'd rather watch helplessly while our latest-possibly-last holder is murdered?"

Yoichi sighed. "Okay, yeah, let's take a look."

Izuku's first thought was that Uraraka must have tagged him, but he had been way too far away from her for her to do that. Unless she had run at him when he dove for Tsuyu? Tsuyu had maybe sort of been between them...

But, no, this didn't feel like Uraraka's quirk. He'd only experienced it a couple of times, but it felt like falling. This felt more like floating on the surface of a pool.

This was, he realized as he drifted helplessly upwards and slightly sideways, Shimura Nana's quirk.

It would be really, really cool if the circumstances were different or if he had any control over the quirk whatsoever. As it was, he didn't appreciate the way he was getting progressively higher. Hitting the water at his previous height would have sucked, but he probably would have survived. Now? Not so much. So, if the quirk decided to stop as suddenly as it had started, he was doomed.

Beyond doomed.

He'd be dead.

Wait! The grappling hook!

He pulled it carefully out of its holster, making sure to wrap the loop around his wrist. He could get back to the ground with the grappling hook, anchor himself at a decent height and make use of this, or even attack, but if he dropped it...

Well. Doom and all that.

His best bet was the top of the downpour zone. It was the closest structure by far. He lined up his sights, fired, and watched as the hook fell several meters short.

That was less than ideal.

He rolled over and looked up. He wasn't that far from the ceiling-

Danger Sense screamed at him, and he was falling, just in time to miss getting hit by a jet of water from below. Izuku, naturally, started screaming as well and fired the grappling hook blindly. He rejoiced as a metallic thunk told him it had hit something and immediately hit the stop button, almost wrenching his shoulders out of their sockets. However, his joy quickly turned to horror as he realized he was now headed toward the hard, unforgiving side of the downpour zone at a dangerously high speed. He squeezed his eyes shut.

Float turned back on.

Izuku let out a somewhat pathetic whine in relief, and hit the retract button on the grappling hook gun, letting it pull him up to the roof.

From here, he had an acceptable view of the rest of the USJ. He shaded his eyes to look back at the main plaza and entrance. He could see Eraserhead and Ingenium fighting back to back in the central plaza. All Might and Nomu were tearing up trees in one of the forested areas, and near the entrance he could see Thirteen, Iida, Uraraka, Shouji, Sato, Sero, and Ashido facing down the mist villain. Hopefully, with those numbers, they'd be able to get past him.

Looking elsewhere, Izuku had to assume Todoroki was in the landslide zone, with the spiky ring of ice in the middle of it. He must be holding back. He could make out a fight happening in the mountain zone, but couldn't tell who was involved.

That was more than half the class unaccounted for, including Tsuyu and Kaminari, who he'd thought he'd pushed away from portals. They were probably in the other zones, but...

He took a deep breath. Focus. Where would he do the most good? Danger Sense couldn't tell him that right now, with all these bright threats all around him. He had to decide on his own.

The fight in the mountain area wasn't going well. The number of visible villains was only increasing.

Could Izuku get there? He bit his lip as he contemplated the distance, then jogged back to the opposite side of the downpour zone roof.

Then he ran.

Then he-

-jumped-

-off the roof.

Float activated at the top of the arc of his jump, and his momentum sent him tumbling forward towards the mountain zone. As he approached and began to slow (air resistance still being a thing, apparently), he was able to see Yaoyorozu and Jiro fighting for their lives. Yaoyorozu did not look good.

This wasn't a great way to be proven right about her quirk having drawbacks.

He aimed the grappling hook at one of the larger, closer villains, not really caring about how much damage it would do, and fired.

"Wow," said En. "Kid definitely has a bit of a ruthless streak."

"Imagine how much better he'd do with Blackwhip."

"He wouldn't have been able to get there in the first place without Float."

"Honestly," continued En, "I don't get why Second and Third don't like him. They never shut up about Nana and Eighth being too soft, after all."

"What? They said that stuff about me, too?"

"Yeah, I think they're just unsatsifiable at this point. It's annoying."

"I was much more violent and ruthless than Toshi, though."

"I know."

"Yoichi," said Hikage. "I'm not seeing any sign of additional stress on Ninth's body."

"That's because Izuku is the best."

"Or," said En, "it's because he's only had Nana's quirk for, like, five, ten minutes, tops."

"Or because he's the best. Just look at how he's helped his friends defeat all those villains!"

"Compelling argument," said Hikage.

"What- what now?" asked Yaoyorozu, holding herself up with one of her staffs. The mountain zone was littered with various weapons and shrapnel from Yaoyorozu's quirk use. This included a canon. Which was really cool, but seemed a bit over the top... and maybe not the most efficient thing to make, considering Yaoyorozu's limitations.

"I don't know," admitted Izuku. He'd been flung around the field as a makeshift flail/bola by the girls a few times, and was a little dizzy.

He looked back out at the battles still taking place in the plaza. "I think... Maybe we should go down, and make our way around the edge to the entrance. We could pick up Todoroki and see if there's anyone in the ruins zone who needs help-"

Then he saw the hand villain step forward, facing down Eraserhead as Ingenium was lured away in defense of Tsuyu and Kaminari, who had just run out of the wooded area, trailing villains. Danger flared in his mind's eye, and, for the second time in his life, his body moved by itself.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #danger first #danger first au #fic #fanfic

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itsonlystrange · 3 years

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Okay I’m just saying..do you guys realize what a cultural reset canon byler would be?

Like it would trend on Twitter, 100%. People who have never seen the show before would become interested in it, ESPECIALLY people who are looking for queer representation in shows.

Byler is a good slow burn that’s INTERESTING. It’s not your stereotypical gay guys who obviously like eachother and are only there for comic relief and pushed to the back so that the het ships can get the spotlight. It has DEVELOPMENT. And it’s rare you come across stuff like that.

Neither mike nor will are stereotypically “gay”. They are just regular teenage boys who happen to not be straight. Usually gay ships portrayed in TV and Film are used as comedic relief. Or the overly flamboyant gay guy and the super macho gay guy getting together in the last 10 seconds the show.

Yes, there are a TON of good shows out there that have queer representation however a LOT of them get thrown under the radar or are overshadowed by the more heterosexual ships or shows.

So imagine, a show as big as stranger things, having its two boys be in a canon relationship. Like the internet would BLOW UP. It’d be the topic of every interview. Finn and Noah would be the topic of every interview. Stranger Things would have relevancy again.

Obviously, ST is still relevant however with this whole hiatus it’s falling off the radar easily and people are becoming bored. But this...this would blow it up again.

Obviously queer ships are NOT there to make a show relevant again, at all. That’s not what I’m saying. What I’m saying is, imagine all the lgbtq+ kids that watch ST. The lgbtq+ BOYS that watch ST.

Often, when queer relationships are portrayed in film or television, it isn’t portrayed accurately. And it’s often shown as “if you don’t come out this way then you’re invalid.” Or “if you have internalized homophobia you’re invalid” and a thousand other things. Hell, I remember being much younger absolutely hating myself or not “picking a side” and being so confused with my self and wondering why I was even bisexual in the first place.

But then you have byler, which portrays a much more accurate relationship between two closer than normal boys. It portrays the internalized homophobia, the abuse and bullying people back in the 80’s (and still now) would endure. And yeah, it’s not the most accurate depiction but it’s FAR better than some other popular show’s queer relationships.

Millions of people watch this show, an abundance of them being lgbtq+. And imagine them having a ship to look up to. A ship that doesn’t portray gay relationships as a “joke”. And even better, Mike and Will are teenagers!!

Often, in film and television, queer ships are usually based around two adults. In fact, a lot of times they portray young teenagers being in a gay relationship as “gross.” They say that it’s too “mature”. That having a partner that’s the same gender as you is wrong, and that you need to be a little bit “older” because apparently being in a queer relationship is only for adults because queer relationships are just too “inappropriate.”

But then you have Mike and Will who are two 14 year old boys. Who aren’t stereotypically “gay” as the movies portray. They’re just normal teenage boys. And that’s how it SHOULD be portrayed. We need to stop portraying Lgbtq+ ships as “inappropriate” or “weird”. They’re just two teenage boys in love.

Remember when everyone found out Robin was lesbian after being straight baited? Yeah. The internet blew up. So take that and times it by ten thousand. That would be canon byler.

It’d be a huge step for the media. Unfortunately, we haven’t come that far with queer ships. It’s gotten better but there’s still a lot of steps to take. But having a huge show like stranger things have their two man boys be in a canon relationship and have it portrayed regularly, guys!! That would be huge!!

Imagine all the little kids getting to grow up with that. Or all the teenagers that are Mike and Will’s age struggling with their sexuality seeing these two boys who aren’t stereotypically anything be canonically in love. Like, that would be huge.

I know that if I grew up with a canon byler I would definitely have felt a lot more sure of my sexuality earlier on. So many kids would have a wonderful ship to look up to that isn’t fetishized or treated like it’s “weird.”

And the fact that it’d be the topic of every interview. Noah and Finn wouldn’t see the end of it. People would talk about it non stop. It’d be advertised on social media accounts, the duffers would talk about it, the stranger writers would talk about it. I mean, it’d be big!!

And yeah, it’s sad that a gay ship becoming canon would be revolutionary, but that’s just how the world is. We still haven’t progressed past that yet. And it’ll take awhile before having a gay shop isn’t a big thing.

I often see people say “if byler became canon then everybody would stop watching” which just ISN’T true.

They’d gain so many viewers. It’d be more popular than Mileven ever had been. Yes, Mileven has their cute moments, however at the end of the day, Milevens dynamic has been done before. Thats not to say bylers hasn’t, obviously a canon byler wouldn’t be the first. But it’d be the first big canon queer ship in awhile. Straight ships with mileven’s dynamic happen all the time.

And at the end of the day, ST isn’t a romance show. If Mileven didn’t end up being end game I don’t think many people would care. It wouldn’t be as big as people say it is. I feel like the fandom likes to think that Mileven rakes in all the money but that simply isn’t true. It’s a science fiction show at its core and the core viewers don’t watch for romance. If Mileven is what raked in all their viewers then season 2 wouldn’t have been as successful as it was, considering mike and el don’t even interact until the last episode of season 2. So I really think the fandom is just overreacting on that part. Yeah, people are gonna leave the fandom. Just how people left when stancy wasn’t endgame or when their favorite chatacter died or when something happened that they didn’t like. That’s just how life works. They’re gonna lose viewers regardless of what happens because not everyone will be happy with how season four plays out. But at the end of the day, it’s hot like ST is going to lose 25 million viewers because two 14 year olds weren’t endgame. It’s often easy to forget that the fandom doesn’t reflect ST’s viewership. The fandom takes up only a small percentage OF their viewership. So yeah, some fan accounts may deactivate, just like how a lot of bylers left the fandom after season 3. But it’s not like nobody’s going to watch the show, that’s absurd. Mileven isn’t their main cash cow. It isn’t even on the leader board of st’s main cash cows. If anything, Steve dying would make st lose more viewers than Mileven not being end game. And it’s been made more clear recently that a lot of people prefer Jopper over Mileven, especially with the ending of season 3. We gotta remember that, the FANDOM is mainly teenagers however stranger things main demographic and viewership is ADULTS. And I don’t see many 21+ year olds not watching the show because a ship almost 10 years younger than them wasnt end game. Most of st’s viewers don’t care about the romance

TLDR: canon byler would be huge for stranger things and would probably blow up the internet. It’d also be good commercially and financially for stranger things. Also having byler he canon would be so helpful to all the kids and teens and even adults out their struggling with their sexuality and would make so many lgbtq+ kids, teens, and adults feel seen and feel loved and feel validated. Over all, canon byler would do more GOOD then bad.

#byler #gay mike wheeler #gay will byers #stranger things #stranger things 4 #will byers #mike wheeler

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chattingwiththelightkeeper · 2 years

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Learning How To Be Myself

I grew up a nerdy and/or geeky kid, teen, and young adult. I always secretly longed for an invitation to the cool kid’s lunch table but knew that was never going to happen. The sports I played and even the couple that I excelled at were not ‘school-sponsored’ nor was I good enough to advance to compete at the university level even for those few places had them. So there was never a hope that my awkward nerdy self would find acceptance with those “cool” kids and while the movie Cant Buy Me Love gave hope to nerds like me, I knew I would never ride off into the sunset with “the cheerleader” on the back of my riding lawn mower, even if it was fun to dream about.

Fast forward to finally escaping both high school and my hometown for college. One of those moments that stick with you forever happened as my parents helped me decorate my dorm room. My Mom, turned to me and out of the blue offered advice that I can still vividly remember today. She told me: “No one here knows you. You do not have to be what everyone expects you to be anymore. You have the chance to be yourself. Not everyone will like you for you but starting today you can be the person you have always wanted to be.” After my parents finished the chore of moving their kid into the dorms and a nice dinner out, I returned to my dorm room in a strange town without a friend nearby and since this was the days before texting, instant messengers, or Skype there was not an old friend to fall back on. So I just sat on my tiny bed and thought about the advice my Mom had shared earlier. The old expectations others had for me would have been to just sit there, pick up a textbook and start to read in preparation for a class I had not even been to yet and would not be for four more days, however, as I glanced at the pile of used textbooks, I decided to give my Mom’s advice a try. I simply got up, left my room, and started saying hello and introducing myself to my new neighbors. Although I found there were some of the cool kids around who were not my fit, I quickly found that there were people I could be myself with and made amazing as well as lifelong friends.

Through my college years, I lived that amazing advice and was just myself. I made great friends, had a plethora of experiences with travel and exposure to different cultures, plus I discovered, learned, and found what felt like a soulful home with BDSM. Even more amazing to this geeky kid, he found that girls liked him when he was himself and not trying to be that nerd who thinks he is cooler than he is. It was shocking! Most shocking of all, the geek had sex (yes with a real young lady! Not just my hand). Even more amazing, I found an amazing young woman who also was into kink and had that first lifestyle relationship. The thing with college is that it is over in what is a blink of an eye, even if mine maybe went two blinks because of my fondness for playing major roulette. The amazing woman I was dating found her dream job a thousand miles away and my career path took me the opposite way and we parted ways.

So my journey into the ‘real world’ began and I derailed myself from the tracks that had led to personal success in school. I entered the corporate world, used the skills I learned as a nerd in high school of how to blend in and avoid being noticed, put my head down, and went to work. Additionally, I convinced myself that the lifestyle was just a college thing or phase and now that I was officially an adult, I had to put it away. So I set all of it aside and went vanilla. Much to my amazement, a few women liked me and I worked hard to be that perfect boyfriend. During my attempts to be Mr. Right, I was finding that the harder I worked at it the more I found myself unhappy and bored. During this time many of my college mates were getting married, starting families, and enjoying what we are programmed to think of the American dream (For my friends they are living their dreams). However that ‘dream’ was not clicking for me and while I did have a few serious relationships, I never succumbed to the pressure of getting married, having kids and settling down. My family and friends never applied that pressure but it was something I felt at work since having a wife and kids was somehow a ticket punch on the career ladder.

After ending yet another relationship because of what I can only describe as boredom somewhere deep in my soul again, I began to look at myself. I had dated some amazing women who were pure vanilla and every time I felt the same way. There was just something missing and it was with me and not them. No, I am not using that here as that cheesy breakup line, it is not you, and it is me. So as I went on a journey deep into myself. The biggest lesson I learned was I had stopped being me and had reverted to the nerdy kid who was trying to be someone they were not.

The changes I began making were not instant overnight changes like a light switch being turned on but over time I found myself shifting my career path to a place where being me worked for not only me but also for the corporate weenies who hired me and it also led me back to the lifestyle (At this point in my kink journey I always picture that line from the Godfather movies “Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in again”). All of the changes I was making or in the process of were fantastic for me but I still had a big lesson to learn.

By the time I had returned to the lifestyle, the internet had sprung up and grown-up. It was so easy to access information, find events, and even find people to date who were involved in the lifestyle as well. It was great because it felt like part of my soul was back at home. I was able to connect with munches and events plus read all sorts of articles, discussions, and just explore tons of information. It is here that I committed what I hope to be my last ‘fit in’ mistake. So much of the writings, discussions, and the like focused on how to be a “good” dominant or submissive just like it is today. I took that advice without tempering it with who I am. If a “real” d-type is supposed to be XYZ, well then I wanted to be XYZ.

So my second D/S relationship was one of great learning for me. While I was me a lot of the time, I still had not discovered who I was as a dominant. I was stupidly trying to fulfill the XYZ expectations rather than just being me. Rather than staying 100% true to myself, I was in a way living a lie because I was not being myself fully. Also, I believe that the woman I was dating at the time had fallen into the same trap I had but for the submissive side. She was not being herself 100% and was being an ABC submissive. So with neither of us being truly ourselves the relationship that started like beautiful fireworks ended with ashes falling from the sky.

Those falling ashes that fell from the sky a long time ago taught me what I hope will be my final ‘be me’ lesson in life. When it comes to BDSM and relationships I have to just be myself. I will never be what Master Know-It-All says a dominant should be and thank god for that. I am unique, my needs/wants/desires are all special to me and that everyone in the lifestyle, no matter how similar they appear is an individual. My growth and knowledge in kink coupled with staying true to who I am allowed me to be just me. I will never be everyone’s cup of tea but for the right person, I will be their cup of coffee. I have a sense of liberation in knowing that my approach to the lifestyle is my own and yes I have borrowed from here, copied from there, and created my own too so that the end product is that special bend belonging to this nerdy, goofy, dominant man.

While my journey to ‘be me’ is personal, my hope in sharing it here today is that maybe it will help others as they trek through life and kink. When we stay committed to our individuality we can find those places that are homes for our soul. Especially, within the BDSM lifestyle, it is so important to work to be the best you and not worry if you fit the mold that others say you should in your chosen role.

As with all of my writings, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2021

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loquaciousquark · 3 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E116-119 (Dec. 15, 2020)

Hi! I missed the first three minutes or so and opened the stream to Brian giving an absolutely incoherent ...ad? for some jewel game? Six thousand jewels just for logging in? Some app in the app store and he’s literally been talking about this now for six minutes and I don’t know what he’s talking about. He finally wraps up, Laura brings the show to a close, and we’re all a little worse than we were before.

Ashley tries to get us back on track and Henry bays over her. Brian tries to ask the first question and breaks off into feigned sobs halfway through. This is chaos incarnate.

Tonight’s guests: Laura Bailey & Ashley Johnson.

How’s Yasha feeling right now about Molly? She and Jester both are desperately curious about whether there’s a spark of Molly left in Lucien that can be brought back. It’s not the same as when Yasha was controlled by Obann; this seems more like just the way this is now. They’d settle for even finding the good in him, like they did with Essek. Brian jokes that they can monitor his mental state if Matt’s Irish accent starts to slip a little bit.

Jester is a little wary about scrying on Lucien now since he’s able to see her back. She’s interested to try again now that Fjord’s given her the necklace.

Ashley has to run and grab a replacement set of headphones from Brian after hers get “crunchy.” It’s pretty cute seeing them run around and smooch on another screen. Brian teases that he doesn’t have any more questions for Jester since Caduceus has been doing all the healing lately. Laura tells us indignantly that she had Heal prepared for Caduceus in that last big fight, but Fjord got to Cad first. Brian explains how this is the same as all the good jokes he always lines up for Talks but never tells. Ashley’s crunchiness continues and we go briefly to a technical difficulties screen while Brian hops up to fix it.

Dani pips in to get this show back on track. Save us, Dani!

Ashley hadn’t thought about the aspect of Lucien controlling his friends’ minds, but finds it really creepy. It’s a cool game dynamic, and it’s a little different because they’re there willingly, but it’s really weird.

Jester thinks that “the tarot cards know all. She wants to buy into it real hard.” If it doesn’t make sense now, it will later. Laura has an Idiot’s Guide to Tarot Reading.

They’re super interested in why Aeor is like it is. Were they more advanced than us? Did they evolve along a different line? Ashley loves sci-fi and is all about this, especially since she wasn’t there for Happy Fun Ball time & hasn’t been able to get caught up on some of the things she missed in between, so she’s using this as an erstwhile replacement. She can already tell there are some things from this campaign that will bother her the way the unopened box did from C1. She and Laura both seethe at the camera about having to leave the spider behind.

Cosplay of the Week! Harland3r on instagram with a gorgeous winged Pike with a shield & mace. It’s an incredible photo and the wings look great.

Travis distracts Laura by dancing like a Trex offscreen. That seems right for this episode.

Jester’s encouragement of Yasha pursuing Beau was important in a lot of ways, not least because Ashley considered herself as uninterested in D&D romance as Travis & was a little unsure of activating a romance among her friends. However, it felt really natural within the game and it was really helpful to have Jester’s in-game encouragement. Yasha’s grown a lot and is in a much more positive place and is ready to find out what’s possible. Laura: “Jester from the get-go has seen Yasha as this wonderful soul from the beginning, and has seen how sad Yasha’s been through everything, and to see the difference that she exhibits when talking about Beau is drastic and wonderful. Jester’s joy in life is helping others find joy.”

Ashley points out it’s also so fun to “yes-and” with Laura because you’re like a little kid being dragged along by the hand - you don’t know where it’s going, but you know it’s going to be fun along the way.

Ashley does have a sense of “thank goodness Marisha isn’t jumping right into this” so she can coax herself into it, but when she tried to figure out the poem she had a lot of drafts that didn’t survive. She intentionally crafted the letter to give Beau an out if she didn’t feel the same way. There’s a lot going on with Lucien right now and there’s constantly a running thought in the back of her head about “maybe Beau is not into this.” Even the last couple episodes with Jester & Fjord have had Ashley finally understand shipping.

Brian brings us to the moment “almost as romantic as the pre-season finale of the Bachelorette.” Jester was “goo” afterwards. Early on in the campaign, Jester was very forward with her flirtations with Fjord & he shut her down. And then he kissed her underwater and immediately went and slept with Avantika, and Jester automatically shut herself down, because she thought she was misunderstanding & would only be hurt by those emotions. She deliberately focused on just being there with her friends, making everyone healthy and happy. These last few episodes where Fjord was flirting back felt like “my teenage heart again, my first kiss, the boy I like actually likes me back!” and she was able to open back up.

Yasha definitely has some instrument plans for those bones. She doesn’t know if she’s going to add to her harp or create a new one.

Ashley and Laura cheer about Travis stepping out his comfort zone. Laura thinks it was really good that he was doing it with her, his real-life wife, to see if he likes that sort of stuff in his D&D campaign. “It was just so sweet. It was just so sweet.” Brian says he’s actually a really romantic dude & Dani is so glad he asked before the kiss. Brian: “It’s going to be so sad when he breaks your heart and goes back to the corpse of Avantika.” Laura: “It’s fine, Jester will be long dead by then anyway.”

Jester does believe the four-year time trade was worth it, but that the city leaves “a mark on your brain,” especially as in-depth as she saw it. “Jester’s always been reticent to talk about her age because she’s aware she’s perceived in a juvenile way by a lot of people, and she’s insecure about that. She grew up by herself without a lot of social interactions and is experienced in a lot of ways now and naive in others; she’s very aware of human emotion around her, but chooses to see it in a certain way.” Losing the time makes her wonder if she needs to grow up & become an adult about certain things now. Laura: “I think actually she’s closer to Fjord’s age now. Actually, I’m not sure about his age. I don’t know how old he is - I’ve never even asked Travis!” Brian: “I think he’s definitely fifteen.” Laura: “Travis, how old is Fjord?” Travis, off-screen: “Sixty-five,” but he’s had the Mask of Many Faces up this whole time. Later, he adds that he’s in his early 30s.

Ashley has really enjoyed digging into Yasha’s more humorous side lately. It’s how she gets comfortable as a player, making it fun and light in a way that this year needs. “It’s also really funny to think that Yasha doesn’t know how Message works.”

Brian congratulates Laura & Ashley both on their game awards nominations. Brian vamps trying to get himself in as the presenter, but incidentally refers to Laura as his sister in the conversation and it’s super cute. “I would like to be the one to give the award to either my fiancee, or my sister!”

Fanart of the Week: @ethanmaldridge with an illustrated page from the Katzenprinz book. It’s just beautiful.

Jester’s polymorph gambit was terrifying, but the stakes got even higher when everyone else got stunned. She does lament choosing a bunny at the start. “Frickin’ Fjord’s armor!”

Yasha loves being polymorphed lately. She thinks it’s kinda funny, especially given her rigid upbringing with such defined roles.

Laura feels like Jester and Vex are weirdly two halves of herself. Brian: “You see the very bargainy, I’m gonna use my wit & smarts to negotiate situations. But at the same time, you’re very open to what people are thinking & feeling and navigating that. What you end up putting out (though it comes across as innocent and naive) is something pure because she truly believes it.” Laura thinks Yasha and Pike are the same way for Ashley, though Ashley feels a little closer to Yasha right now. Sometimes you just feel really exposed. Laura compares how much idealism she put into Jester to her character from Fruits Basket.

Since Yasha didn’t belong to either side in the war, she’s not hugely concerned by the fallout; she more wants to make sure her found family are okay and safe. Jester is the same way, Laura tells us. Jester doesn’t have any greater vision of the Empire & Dynasty interacting; she cares about the people, and it hasn’t been until the vision with the city that she kind of woke up and realized they have to really stop this now. It feels bigger than the Dynasty/Empire. Ashley: “It seems more of a thing for Beau and Caleb to care about.”

Really, up to now Jester was mostly concerned about getting Molly back, but now the stakes seem much higher. “We have to do this. We have to complete this, to beat them, to keep them from doing this.” Yasha is just going with the flow for now. There’s a lot coming at them and they are ready to find out what’s next.

And that’s that for tonight! Brian thanks the crew especially for working incredibly hard on switching everything to home-based streaming. He then gets stuck halfway spinning around in his chair and the last thing we hear is him idly wondering “What’s Fjord taste like?” which seems pretty on brand for tonight’s show. Is it Thursday yet?

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts

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20moonchild21 · 3 years

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𝗦𝗲𝗵𝗻𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗵𝘁 [𝗯𝘁𝘀]

⇉ 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗽𝘁𝗲𝗿 1

[Pairing]

bunny!JK x human!oc, Jungkook x female!oc

[Warnings]

mention of abuse, injures, angst, fluff, mention of blood, fear

[Words]

[author]

Wow, I am so excited! Leave a like, comment, recommendation or reply under the chapter!

If you want to read a really good hybrid!Jimin story, you have to read inferiority complex by @starlightauroras-writes! She is the cutest author ever, and that story definitely deserves to be read! So don’t wonder if you will find some similar details, this chapter was inspired by her!

Stay healthy

Mꨄ

[prologue ||| chapter 2]

“All right everyone. That’s it for today. Have nice summer vacations, and don’t forget about the deadline of your term papers. The clock is ticking.” The man in the very front of the big room said into his microphone, but the chaos was already breaking out among the people sitting opposite of him.

The girl sitting in the front row slide her fingers faster over the keyboard, tipping in the last piece of information into her laptop, before she saved her notices and closed the thin computer.

She looked up. The room was filled with loud voices and cheering, as soon as the professor had laid his microphone down onto her desk. Immediately, people stormed out of the lecture hall, pens and paper balls were thrown all or some people yelled to each other from all over the room.

The girl sighed at this scenario. You wouldn’t think that were actually adult people, that would soon be representation the countries law and order.

Half of the people in here didn’t really care about studying law, or becoming a judge or lawyer in their future. The only thing they care about was to enjoy their college life as long as possible, which mostly included no stop partying and passing the exams with the minimum amount of points.

The other half, who cared about passing the final exams with as much points as possible, wanted to become either lawyer for economical right, because it was the best paid, or for political right, because such lawyer would always be needed.

And there was she, the girl in the very first row, who neither wanted to be a lawyer for economic right or political right, nor was she there to party trough the nights with her friends. No, she had another goal for her future.

“Miss Carson.” The professor said, as he walked around the table, looking amused at the small, blond haired girl, that was still, or better said already, reading in one of her law books. “Yet again, I see you reading in a book. Do you ever do anything else?”

The girl looked up from her book, a small smile was forming on her face.

“Yes, I do.” She said and closed the thick book. “But I want to get as much information as possible for my term paper. I really need it to be perfect. It needs to be proof to any loopholes, and I think am on something big this time.”

The professor’s left eyebrow cocked up in surprise. If someone had not to worry about getting not enough points to pass this last hurdle, it was her.

“Is that so?” He joked, leaning slightly against the big, brow desk, arms crossed over his chest. “You know that you always deliver the best terms. I don’t think you have to worry about anything.”

The girl, who was now occupied with pressing the big book into her backpack, stopped in her movements. She knew that she was one of the best students, and she also knew that she could pass those exams with little effort. This wasn’t the problem.

"I know.” She simply said and looked up at the old man leaning on the desk. “And thank you.”

“I am really excited for your terms. What topic do you write about this time?” He asked curiously.

The girl hesitated for a moment, not sure if she should tell him or not. Her final paper terms, the terms that would decide whether or not she would get a chance to fulfil all her goals, were about a very sensitive topic. She was a 100% aware of this.

But then, he would read them either way, so there was no point in lying to him.

Her heart raced, as she opened her mouth. She had known her professor of law for almost 4 years now, but writing about such a sensitive topic, she didn’t know what his opinion was on that.

“I – ehm…” She coughed, before turning back to her backpack, pressing the book into it with one smooth movement. She closed the flap and swung the piece of fabric over her shoulder, before turning back to the older man. It was now or never, she had to show confidence. “I write about the equality of Hybrids in our political everyday life. I think – there are cases where laws had obviously been disregarded, ignored or misused by judges and lawyers. And there are not just one or two of such cases. There are hundreds of them every day, there are hundreds of Hybrids who don’t get the right of protection and free speech. There is no point in denying and ignoring this anymore.”

To say that his face held a shocked expression would be an exaggeration. He looked more like he tried really hard to process the information and to find a fitting response to it. After a few seconds of silence, he opened his mouth, just to close it again. He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between the index finger and thumb.

“Hope…” He said after another few seconds. “You are aware of me being not the only one who is going to read your term papers, aren’t you?”

“I know.” The girl whispered, still staring directly into his eyes.

“I appreciate your braveness to write your final exams about such a sensitive topic, and I am not going to lie, most of the professors committee won’t share the same opinion as the one you have.” His voice was calm and factual, but the girl somehow heard a touch of sadness out if it. “Are you sure you don’t want to write about political law? Your last exam was absol…”

“My term is based on facts. I neither made anything up, nor am I going to tell lies.” The girl quickly interrupted him. “There is no way someone of the committee can reject or doubt any part of my exam. I analysed every potential loophole and I can prove any of those lacks wrong, if someone say something. I even…”

“Okay, okay. I believe you, Hope.” The professor said, as he pushed himself away from the table, slowly walking up to the smaller girl. “I just want you to carefully think about what you want to specialize in the future. Hybrid lawyers are very little paid, and almost none of them gets any appreciation. You are aware of that, aren’t you?”

“I am not doing this for money or appreciation.” She quietly said under her breath. She knew he didn’t mean to sound harsh or mean towards her, but still, those words hurt. “I just – I think that I can change something in this world. There are so many people out there, that share the same opinion as I do, but are not brave enough to stand up and do something. But if I would go public with my mission, I think – I think something could really change.”

The man was still looking at the girl. He was stunned by the passion and emotions she spread while talking. He knew that her mission, as she called it, was the right thing to do in this world and that the things she said were true, but he also has been living long enough on his world to know how reality works.

He sighed as he moved his gaze away from her. Somehow, she reminded him of himself, when he way younger. She had a big heart, and a strong urge to question the thing people tell her. That made her one of the best students of his class.

“Okay.” He simply said and turned around to leave the room, but one last time he turned around. “Just be careful, Hope. This world can be hard. It will destroy you, if you are careless.”

“I will prove you that this will be worth it.” She yelled after him, as he passed the door leading to the hallway. She knew he couldn’t hear her next words, because they came out as a whisper, a promise to herself. “I know it will worth in the end.”

The night sky above New York was clear. Not a single cloud could be seen, and the dark sky looked like it was sprinkled with thousands and millions of small, shining dots. Right in the middle, the round an bright moon.

The girl took a deep breath of the clean air. It was definitely the right choice to rent an apartment a few minutes outside of New York’s centrum, where the day never seemed to take an end. But here, there were not much car driving by and pollute the air. There weren’t many people to scream at each other, because in the city trouble you couldn’t understand a word. Just peaceful silent.

The conversation from earlier was still playing round and round in her head. Her professor wasn’t a bad person. In the past, he was nothing but helpful and cooperative when it came to sensitive themes or problems. But in the end, he was like any other human: he kept his mouth shut and saved himself a lot of trouble.

But could she mind that behaviour?

Way down deep inside of her, she felt something. She just felt that deep inside of her, there was a small flame flickering. It was waiting there to be lightened with something, and she just knew that she was meant to change something.

She felt this sparkle since she was a little child. The name ‘Hope’ was given to her by her mom. Hope was born in 2029, shortly after the first Hybrids were created. Her birth caused a lot of trouble. Being born with a heart disease, the doctor predicted her to be dead within the following hours. But she hadn’t died. She survived because she got a second chance to live.

With 9 years, she had her very first encounter with a Hybrid. Her mom, who was a doctor at the local hospital, was called late in the afternoon. She was a single mom at this time, and with no one there to take care if the small girl, she decided to take her with her to the hospital.

The hospital was a very big building right in the middle of New York. It was about 10 stories hight, with several different areas for different people. They had a special section for children, for chirurgical cases, a section for people with cancer, a section for people who were about to die and want to spend their last day in a nice surrounding , and lastly, they also had a section for injured Hybrids.

Since Hybrids were half animal, half human, you couldn’t just give them to the veterinarian. This was the reason that the politicians decided that every hospital had to create a small section for Hybrids. Always isolated from the rest of the population, because some citizens were still afraid of the new creatures, and they insisted on locking them up for safety reasons.

The small, blonde haired girl had been strolling around the large building, while her mother was needed in the operation room. She hadn’t paid any attention to where she was going. Everything in that hospital had been so interesting for this small girl, she just wanted to pull in everything she saw.

As she had passed one of the patients room, she suddenly saw a movement in the corner of her eyes. She turned around. On the other side of the glass window, stood a small boy her age.

He was just standing there, staring back at the girl with wide eyes. He had shaggy brown hair that fell smoothly over his forehead, big dark eyes and was slightly taller than the girl.

But what fascinated her the most about this boy, was the pair of white ears sitting on the top of his head. They were small, covered by thick, fluffy white fur and looked absolute adorable.

She took a step closer to the boy, who was still staring at her, the same way she was staring at him.

His ear twitched slightly to different sides, as if he was trying to hear or sense ever noise coming from around him. Behind the boy, Hope saw something waving through the air. She gasped slightly, when she recognized it to be a white, fluffy tail swinging slightly through the air.

The girl had heard stories from her friends in school, that Hybrids are dangerous. They said that they would attack people if one wouldn’t be careful. They said that Hybrids don’t have control over their animal side. They said Hybrids would turn into beasts as soon you were alone with them. But this boy didn’t look scary at all. He rather looked pretty innocent and… somehow scared.

She was fascinated by this boy. She wanted to get to know him so badly all the sudden.

The girl lifted her hand, that had limply hung by her thigh. She took a step closer and carefully laid her hand on the cold, glassy window. The boy stared at her hand. His ears had stopped twisting around, and were instead standing high in the air, his eyes were wide open.

He looked down at his hands, and was about to lift it as well, when suddenly a nurse came up behind the small girl.

“What are you doing there?” She almost screamed, as she grabbed the girl by her shoulders, pulling her away from the window. “You can’t just stroll around in this section. It’s dangerous.”

The woman was pulling the girl behind her, further and further away from the boy. When Hope turned around one last time, her heart broke. The boy’s ears were flatly pressed against his head, while he fluffy tail was tightly wrapped around his leg. His eyes showed nothing but sadness.

In this moment, the girl new that this boy was threatened wrong. Why would it be dangerous for her to be with him. She just couldn’t believe someone as cute as this boys would be able to hurt someone. He was just a child.

Hope shook her head at this memory. She was still wondering what his name was, what kind of Hybrid this little boy was and why he was in the hospital. She wondered what happened to him after she was pulled away, and if he was doing fine right now. Maybe he was thinking about the moment with the 9 year old human girl too sometimes. Maybe he –

A sound ripped her out of her thoughts. She flinched heavily but stopped in her tracks, not sure if her brain had tricked her. She turned around to both side, looking for something that could have caused such a noise. But there was nothing.

Confused, she started walking again. She was clearly overworking herself, if she was already hearing strange noises. Luckily, her apartment was just around the corner. Just one more minute. As she kept walking, she slung her arms tightly around her waist. The air of the night was suddenly much colder that a few minutes before, and with just a thin cardigan to cover her, she felt slightly cold.

Crack. Crash.

The girl shrugged when a crashing sound rang through her ears. This was obviously not an imagination from her brain. That noise came from the dark alley, that she was just about to pass. Immediately, she took a small step backwards.

If someone was hiding in there, waiting for the right moment to come out and hurt her, there would be nothing she could defend herself with. A shiver ran down her spine. She should take her feet and ran away from that scary, dark alley like her mother had always told her, but somehow she couldn’t. Something was pulling her towards that dark passage.

She gulped loudly, but decided to take the risk.

“H – Hello?” She carefully called into the darkness, hoping to not get an answer, so she could just keep walking home. But if someone was hurt in there, she had to help him or her.

“Hello? Is someone there?” She called again when she didn’t received an answer.

She carefully took another step forward, trying to make something out in the darkness. Further down the alley, she saw the faint outline of some trash dumpsters standing around, surrounded by many trash bags.

She let out a breath of relief. No one was in there. It was probably just a cat jumping onto one of the dumpsters, which caused that noise. She turned around, and started walking again, when suddenly she heard another, clearer noise.

“mmmhhh…”

This time she was sure that it was a person causing that noise. With shaking legs, Hope decided to walk a little further into the alley. If someone was lying there hurt, he probably couldn’t answer her calls. And if someone was waiting there for her…..she didn’t want to think about it further.

She took baby steps into the dark alley, still careful if someone was hiding there. When she was about 5m inside the dark passage, she was completely surrounded by darkness. She couldn’t make out a single outline of something, not even of the dumpsters.

With shaking hands and no other idea left, she grabbed for her phone inside her pocket. She pulled it out and clicked on the small flashlight symbol.

With the small source of light, she tried to make something out.

About 3 meters in front of her, she saw a red, brick stone wall climbing up into the air. A dead end.

She aimed the light into the right corner, where she saw nothing but trash bags and dust laying messily around. Some of them were ripped open by cats, giving away a heavy and disgusting stank. She wrinkled her nose. People were so wasteful these days…

She aimed the light into the other corner, where the trash dumpsters were placed. It was tight and trashed there as well. No chance someone could hide here. It was probably just the cat theory or she really got paranoid. She shook her head and was about to leave again, when something caught her eyes.

Between the wall and the last dumpster was a small crack left, a crack with bare feet sticking out. The girl tried to hold back a scream. She only saw that pair of bare feet. Nothing more. Would there be a body to those feet? If yes, which body, and if no….

“H – Hello?” She whispered/yelled again. “Who are you?”

When she aimed her light into the direction of the feet, they were pulled away with a sudden movement, now hidden by the dumpster. The girl took a deep breath, as she forced herself to take another step forward. She aimed the light once again in the direction of the crack. She saw those feet again, and this time even more. She could make out a pair of legs connected to the pair of feet, along with two arms, that were tightly wrapped around the legs.

She could tell that this someone was a boy, because his hands and feet looked much bigger than hers. Slowly, Hope bent her knees so she was on the level of his sitting body. He obviously was scared, and her standing above him, flashing him with her flash lights wouldn’t probably help him to feel less scared.

When she sat on her knees, she lifted the light again, letting it rose up his body. His feet and calves were bare, as well as his arms. Everywhere on his pale skin, she could make out smaller bruises and scratches. His feet and fingers were ripped open and bloody, and his arms and legs were almost as thin as hers.

But she was even more shocked when the light hit his face. The biggest pair of brown eyes she had ever seen were staring back at her, filled with nothing but pure fear. His plump cheeks were covered with dirt, bruises and wet stains of tears. His lips were bloody and crusty, also covered in dirt and dust. His dark, shaggy hair was covering his forehead, and on the top of his had sat a dark pair of large floppy ears.

The boy quickly seemed to snap out of his shock stare, when he realised the girl staring at him, not saying anything. He tried to push himself further backwards towards the wall. The arms around his bent knees tightened, as he let out a small whimper. His floppy ear moved forward to cover his eyes from her gaze.

It was obvious that this boy was a bunny Hybrid ,but that didn’t change the fact that Hope was shocked from the boy‘s appearance. He clearly needed help.

„Hey....boy.“ She carefully whispered into his direction, not wanting to scare him more away by a loud voice.

But despite her effort to not sound too scary, the injured boy began to slightly shake stronger.

„Hey...don’t be scared. Please, I don‘t want to hurt you. I promise.“ She felt the tears swelling up under her eyes.

The poor boy must have been through hell and back, or else he wouldn’t be reacting like that. She was pretty sure that someone had caused those injures on his body. It was ridiculous to talk about a change of minds, when the truth was, that nothing had changed at all. Human race was still as ignorant and careless and addicted to control as they have been before.

The girl took a deep breath. She needed to stay calm and focused, or else the bunny Hybrid would feel her fear. After all, his senses were animal-like, and he had probably heard her heartbeat or smelled the sweet running down her neck.

A loud, deep noise caused a yelp leaving the girl‘s and the boy‘s mouth. The sky above them had darkened with heavy clouds, and the smell of rain slowly replaced the clear night air. She turned her attention from the sky, back towards the boy who was ,once again, shaking with fear.

Hope knew what she was going to do next would be a heavy invasion of his privacy, but it was the only way, that might would help him in this situation.

She slowly let the backpack sliding down her shoulder, careful to not make too much movements. When it laid down on the floor, she pulled down the zipper of her grey cardigan.

The zipping noise that her jacked had caused, must have made the Hybrid curious, because almost unnoticeably, he lifted his right ear that was still covering his eyes. Through the small gap, he carefully peeked at the girl in front of him, watching as she pulled off the jacket, leaving her in just a thin, blue shirt.

A whimper left is mouth, ear covering his eye again, as the girl crawled closer into his direction, stopping just a few inches away from the bunny Hybrid. She leaned her body forward and placed the soft piece of fabric over the boy’s trembling shoulders. She didn’t know if the trembling had increased because she came way too close to him, or because of the sudden coldness that filled the alley way.

„No...p – please...no.“ The boy tried to pull away weakly, as his shoulders were met with the soft fabric of the jacket.

His was raspy and cracked a few times as he spoke.

„Please, don’t be afraid of me.“ The girl tried again to win a small amount of the boy’s trust, so he would at least look at her. „I am not going to hurt you. See, the jacket is warm, isn’t it?“

The boy didn’t answer. He just kept sitting on the ground, with his arm around his knees and his eyes closed.

Meanwhile, the clouds had started to let go their watery content, and small wet drops fell from the ground.

„Please, you need to come with me. It’s not safe out here at night, and a thunderstorm is raising up.“ Her voice was almost begging for him to trust her. She didn’t want to leave him here alone, injured and all by himself. „My apartment is warm, and I have food and something to drink for you. Please, trust me.“

The boy didn’t move an inch. He curled himself further together, hiding away from her. It was more than obvious that he was scared, and slowly she was losing hope that he would come with her. Plus, she couldn’t force him either.

She sighed and slowly stood up from her kneeling position.

„I will be back.“ She simply said to the boy, as she turned around to leave the alley.

Thanks god her apartment was just one minute around the corner. If he didn’t want to come with her, she would at least bring him a warm blanket for the night and something warm for his stomach. He must be freezing so much with just a pair of shorts covering his slim body.

She was about to start walking, when she heard him whimpering behind her again. The Hybrid had removed both of his ears from his eyes, which were now staring at her intensely. As if they were begging her not to leave the alley. She kneeled back down onto his height.

„You don’t want me to leave, do you?“ It was more a question to herself, but to her surprise the boy nodded almost unnoticeable. His eyes were opened wide and glassy, as his lips began to tremble slightly.

Meanwhile in his head, he was battling with himself. He was injured and cold, and this girl promised him a warm place to spend the night. She had a really soft and calming voice, that he would listen to all night of he had the chance.

But then, she wanted to leave him. Not that he was not used to that, but no one ever had talked to him in such a calming voice. For a short moment, he really believed that everything was going to be okay again.

„My apartment is just around the corner.“ The tone of her sweet voice rang through his ears again. „I won’t force you to come with me, but you are welcome to spend the night there, if you like.“

„Home, Sweet Home.“ The girl joked as she pushed open the white door leading into her apartment.

When the boy behind her didn’t show any reaction but staring at her, she eventually noticed that her joke wasn’t appropriate referring to the situation they were in. A shade of red began to spread over her cheeks, and she quickly stepped inside.

The boy meanwhile hesitate to step inside. He shoved his bare feet back and forth over the cold marbled tiles of the hallway, while his fingers fiddled the hem girl‘s jacket. His eyes were fixed on the ground.

„You can come inside, you know?“ She said with a soft voice, as she held the door open for the Hybrid boy.

When the boy took the first step inside, he immediately was surround by the most comfortable warmth he had ever felt before. Slowly, it flowed under his skin, filling every last corner of his body.

His feet didn’t touch some cold marble anymore. Instead, the wooden piles felt soft and also warm under his bare feet. He didn’t knew that the floor could feel this soft.

But the most prominent thing hitting him, was the smell filling his nose. The apartment smelled like....the girl.

The scent of a living being was something very special. The smell wasn’t something you could compare to the smell of vanilla or green apple or the smell of sweat. It was more like a kind of an aura that surrounded a human or Hybrid. An individual feature, that most human aren’t aware of, but yet, everyone has his own scent.

“Ehm…” The girl in front of him cleared her throat, and the Hybrid could smell how uncomfortable she felt.

Scared of being punished, he took a small step backwards, pressing his ears closer to his head. This gesture wasn’t unnoticed by the small girl. She took a big step back as well, carefully not to make her movements to jerky.

“I am sorry.” She quickly rambled. “I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I just – I just don’t know what to say. I – Oh my god, you must feel so cold. I will get you some clothes. Just wait here.”

The boy watched her slim form disappear behind a door down the hallway. A few seconds later, she came back with a pile of fabric in her arms. He wondered what she wanted to do with them.

“I am sorry, but I don’t have any male clothes.” She said, as she dropped the pile onto the grey sofa, which stood in the corner of the living room. “But – but this are my largest clothes. Maybe they will fit you?”

The boy was still standing by the door, looking with wide eyes around the room, before their gazes met. He wasn’t looking in the clothes that were sprawled out for him on the sofa. Instead, he kept looking at the girl, but not as if he was studying the girl’s features, more like he was waiting for a comment.

Unsure what to do, Hope stepped a few inches away from the couch, wanting to give him more space.

“You can try them on. Just – just choose the ones you like.” She almost whispered, as she pointed her finger onto the clothes.

Though the boy nodded, his head dropped down. His hands were slightly shaking, as he made small baby steps towards the sofa. Carefully, he lifted his hand up towards his shoulder and pulled off the grey cardigan she had given him earlier. He placed it carefully onto the sofa, looking up at the girl, as if he was waiting for a permission to keep going.

It took Hope everything to not stare at the bruises and scratches that were covering his upper body. Trying not to break down in tears, she forced out a smile and nodded, showing him that it was okay to keep going.

He then he did something she hadn’t expected. Without showing any hesitation or shame, he grabbed the hem of his dirty shorts and pulled them down.

“Oh – ehm – okay. You want to change here.” She quickly turned around, not wanting to invade his privacy even more. But by the way he didn’t show any hint of hesitation, she could guess that he was not used to get any private space. “Okay keep changing, I will just go to the kitchen and make something quick to eat.”

With her head as red as a tomato, she made her way over to the kitchen. Luckily, the kitchen was connected with the living room by small hatch, so he would see her and she could watch him.

Her hands were trembling with anger. She didn’t want to think about what the poor boy had been through. She didn’t want to think about how many times he had been humiliated or showed off, just to pleasure someone’s evil mind.

In this moment, she made a promise to herself. She would fight for this boy and any other Hybrid out there. She would show him all the love and affection she carried in her heart, just to prove him that he is worth living.

But this incident wouldn’t be the last one at this day. When she was done warming up the soup from the night before, she carried the pot over to the table, that was already set. Over the whole time, the boy had watched her carefully, and every time their eyes met, he quickly dropped his gaze to the floor, as if he didn’t want to pull any attention onto him.

“Come one, dinner is ready.” She said, as she carefully sat down at the table. “You need something warm in your stomach.”

The boy nodded quickly, before he slowly walked towards the table. As he was just a few inches away from her, he bent his knees and kneeled down onto the floor next to her, then he folded his hands in his lap and sunk his head down.

“I know it isn’t much, but….What are you doing?” The girl asked confused, as she watched the boy.

Scared that he might had done something wrong, he dared to look up at the girl. To his surprise, she didn’t look mad or angry at all. Her big brown eyes were wide open and her mouth was slightly parted.

“I am sorry.” The boy whispered with his raspy voice, as he closed his eyes. “I am sorry.”

“You – you don’t have to be sorry for anything. You didn’t do anything wrong.” The girl whispered back with a shaking voice.

Seeing the boy so broken and scared in front of her, made her heart break. A big tear slipped out of her left eye, dropping onto her leggings. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before she looked at the boy. She didn’t want to make him feel more insecure than he already was, so she whipped the tear away with the sleeve of her shirt.

“I am sorry. I am a little bit emotional.” She said, still drying her stained cheeks. “You don’t need to sit on the ground, you know? Please, take a seat on the chair.”

The Hybrid looked up from his kneeling position. He didn’t know whether the small girl was serious about him being allowed to sit on the chair. At the table. With a human.

He gulped. Should he take the risk and actually take a seat? What if she tricked him? What if she would punish him for sitting at the table?

Slowly, he pushed himself up from the ground. The girl was still smiling at him, as he pulled the chair backwards. He sat down and immediately folded his hands together in his lap, like he was supposed to do.

He watched as the girl took the plate that stood in front of him, putting some ladles of soup onto it. He felt his mouth watering as the smell hit his nose. He wanted to take a taste so badly, but he would have to control himself, not wating to make a wrong move.

“You don’t have to wait for anything. You can just eat, if you like.” Once again she showed him this gentle smile, before she lifted her spoon and began to eat her own plate.

Carefully, he lifted his own spoon towards his mouth. The soup tasted amazing and every nerve on his tongue seemed to explode because of all the different and new flavours.

He took another spoon, and another one, and another one, not caring anymore if he was doing something wrong. This was his first warm meal in days, and his first ‘human meal’ he had ever eaten. His hunger took control over him.

“You seem to like it.” The girl chuckle as she watched the boy shoving one spoon after another into his mouth.

The boy’s head shot up, nodding quickly. He shoved the last spoon full of soup into his mouth, leaving back an empty plate one the table. As he realized that he had eaten all the soup, a small shade of red spread over his cheeks, while his ears pressed themself further onto his head. Almost sad, he laid the piece of metal next to the empty plate.

“You can have another plate, if you like.” She said and his head shot up, nodding quickly once again.

They boy shoved soup after soup into his mouth, as if this was his last meal he would ever get to eat. But Hope didn’t mind. She watched him closely.

He was so absorbed in eating his dinner. His cheeks, that were so pale out in the alley, had now a slight shade of red spreading over them. His eyes didn’t show fear anymore, instead they were held a small sparkle every time he saw her refilling his empty plates. And his ear weren’t pressed against his head anymore, but they would sometimes go up and down while he was eating.

All in all, he looked absolute adorable.

“I – I never introduced myself.” The girl suddenly realized. “My name is Hope. I live here in this apartment. You don’t have to tell me your name or what happened to you, if you don’t want to. I just want you to know, that in this house, you are safe. No one is going to hurt you or force you to do anything here, and you are more than welcome to stay as long as you like.”

The boy’s movements slowed down a little bit, but he didn’t turned his attention off of his meal. He kept eating for another 5 minutes of silent, before he laid his spoon down. He folded his hands again in his lap and suddenly mumbled something under his breath.

“I am sorry, but I didn’t understand what you said.” She said softly, as his big brown eyes stared into hers.

“My name…Jungkook.”

[prolouge ||| chapter 2]

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cheri-translates · 3 years

Text

[CN] Victor’s Birthday R&S

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for an event which has not been released in English servers! 🍒

Victor’s 2021 birthday collection:

🐼 r&s ♡ l belonging date l video call l moments and texts l asmr

[ Released on 8 January 2021 ]

[ CHAPTER ONE - Special Present ]

Victor is about to welcome his 15th birthday.

This year, the first birthday present he receives is, as usual, from Little Vick’s zoo. Standing in his room and seeing the box filled with animal plush toys, Victor frowns in slight resignation. When he was young, his parents asked him which was his favourite animal. Without putting much thought into it, he gave the panda as an answer. Since then, he’s been constantly receiving all sorts of presents featuring pictures of pandas from his parents. When he was 9 years old, he even “owned” an actual panda.

As what his father says, since it’s rare for Victor to express that he likes something, there’s definitely a need to fulfil his wish.

Even though he doesn’t dislike this gift, he finds it a little difficult to handle when the zoo sends him a huge box of souvenir plush toys since he shares the same birthday as Little Vick. Other than these, the box would also contain photographs of Little Vick’s everyday life, taken by the rearing staff. Victor would keep them, and send the plush toys to the children of relatives.

[Note] In CN, the panda’s name is 言言 (Yan Yan). But MC used the name “Little Vick” in an EN Moment post, so I’m using it too!

This year, he plans to follow the same routine. Just as he tidies up the items in the box, a knock comes at the door.

“Please come in.”

He turns his head, watching as his father walks in and leans next to the door, a coat draped over his arm. It looks like he just returned from work.

“Are you done with work?”

“Mm. Dad freed up his weekend. Since your birthday is coming, why don’t we head out together?”

Victor looks at his father’s slightly fatigued expression, and contemplates for a while.

“Okay, as long as it isn’t too noisy.”

The man casts a fleeting glance at the cardboard box in front of his son, then offers a suggestion.

“Want to see Little Vick?”

“There are a lot of people in the zoo during the weekend.”

Victor answers very quickly. As such, the man recollects the places he’s taken Victor to in the past, attempting to find a location his son would like.

“What about the countryside park?”

“Okay.” Victor agrees, then raises his head to look at him. “Dad, has Aunt been at home recently? I’m thinking of sending these plush toys to her.”

Seeing the man nod, Victor takes up the adhesive tape and re-seals the box. Watching his actions, the man sighs in his heart.

Trying to figure out what this kid likes - it’s truly a difficult question.

[ CHAPTER TWO - Growing Up Problems ]

It’s a pretty long journey to the countryside park. Victor stuffs this year’s pictures of Little Vick into his backpack, preparing to flip through them along the way.

Actually, ever since adopting it, he’s never visited the zoo to see Little Vick.

He doesn’t really know how to define the relationship between himself and that panda. His neighbours call their three dogs “Boss”, “Second Boss” and “Third Boss”. The moment they’re called, they would rush to the owner, and are as close as family. But Little Vick needs to be meticulously raised by professional staff. Even if it’s given a name, it doesn’t mean it has become someone’s pet, much less a “family member”.

Moreover, everyone knows that a little kid can’t afford to rear a panda. Even if the adoption certificate has Victor’s name on it, he hasn’t offered anything personally. This makes him feel that his connection to Little Vick is even more indiscernible.

Precisely because of this, Victor is always a little surprised whenever he flips through the album featuring its growth. In just a year, Little Vick has grown by quite a lot, and looks like an “adult” - but it’s only 6 years old this year.

The car halts before the traffic light. The man leans over to look at the photographs in Victor’s hands.

“It’s grown quite a lot again. Animals always grow up more quickly than humans.”

“Mm.”

After a short silence between the two, Victor mutters softly.

“...I also wish to grow up quickly.”

Hearing Victor say this suddenly, the man is a little shocked, turning his head to look at him.

“Why?”

“Because there are many things I can’t do right now.”

The man deliberates on his choice of words. “The reason why Little Vick can grow up so quickly is because its lifespan is relatively short. But you're different - you have sufficient time to live out every stage properly.”

After the man finishes speaking, he doesn’t get a reaction from Victor for a long time. From the rearview mirror, he discovers that Victor seems to have sunk into a deep contemplation.

Could talking about such things be too heavy for his son’s birthday? The man lifts his hand to loosen his tie, planning to change the topic.

"But there’s still a chance for you to do things yourself if you want to.”

“For instance, you could try paying for Little Vic’s adoption fees.”

Seeing Victor raising his head, he continues.

“The adoption fees for Little Vick are in yearly instalments. Once you have the ability to do so, Dad won’t help you pay for them.”

Victor hesitates for a moment. “Doesn’t that still require me to wait till I’m older?”

“As long as you're able to earn money from me, it doesn’t matter how old you are. Didn’t you learn about the stock market simulator from Dad recently? I’ll let you use the profit in exchange for an equivalent value.”

Victor straightens up slightly in his seat, and asks in slight anticipation. “How much is it every year?”

"A hundred thousand yuan.”

[Note] Approximately USD$15,500

Victor lapses into silence for a while. To a kid, a hundred thousand yuan is indeed not a small number. Seeing his expression, the man prepares some words of comfort. However, he suddenly speaks.

“Okay, I’ll give it a try.”

[ CHAPTER THREE - The Moment of Meeting ]

The car stops at the entrance of the park. Within it, father-and-son look at each other in dismay.

Five minutes earlier, the two of them were notified by the carpark staff that the park has temporarily ceased operations due to some internal revisions. As such, they have no choice but to head to another place.

“Looks like we should have given them a call to check first.”

Seeing the rare expression of vexation on his father’s face, Victor retrieves a map from the storage compartment. The both of them stare at it together, and it seems that the Loveland City zoo, which is only dozens of kilometres away, is the most suitable replacement.

“Shall we take a look?”

Sensing that his father is waiting for his answer, Victor hesitates for a moment before nodding in agreement.

After registering the adoption certification, the staff of the panda area enthusiastically receives the father and son.

“Little Vick’s birthday is coming soon. It’d definitely be very happy to see the two of you.”

Walking into the warm venue, there are excited visitors everywhere. With such an atmosphere, Victor starts feeling slightly expectant too.

“The one at the front is Little Vick.”

The staff brings the two of them before a glass room. At the front is a panda which is hugging a ball and amusing itself. Victor leans closer to the glass, giving it a detailed look. Little Vick seems to have been taken cared of very well. Its fur is fluffy, it looks sturdy, and refuses to let go of its favourite toy.

The man laughs inwardly as he watches his son subconsciously draw nearer to the glass. He even thought Victor didn’t like such adorable animals - it turns out he just refused to admit it. The phone in his pocket vibrates unceremoniously, and he signals to Victor, turning around to answer the call in a corner.

When it’s time for the pandas to eat, the rearer brings a large bundle of bamboo into the glass room. Seeing the look of anticipation on Victor’s face, the rearer specially brings a small bamboo leaf close to the glass. As expected, Little Vick sets down its toy and paces over. After circling the bamboo leaf twice, it suddenly lifts up his front paws and plops onto the glass. Victor is stunned, subconsciously bending down, reaching out to attract its attention.

The staff smiles as he looks at the boy and panda. “Looks like Little Vick really likes you!”

“...”

Saying that he wasn’t pleasantly surprised would be a lie. Victor looks at its slightly curved lips, and smiles along with it.

Should he greet it, or should he just stay like this quietly?

While he’s struggling internally to come to a decision, Little Vick slides off the glass, plopping its bottom onto the ground. Finding a comfortable position, its back faces Victor as it starts gnawing on the bamboo.

...as expected, eating is more important.

Victor hurriedly retracts his smile, straightening up to look at the back of its head. In order to alleviate the embarrassment from earlier, he broaches a new conversation topic.

“May I know,” he turns to the staff member at the side. “If it’s considered an adult now?”

“Yes, it’s already at an age where it’s seeking a spouse.”

“In that case, will it live together with its family in the future?”

“Pandas are very solitary, and Little Vick’s a boy. Even if it has children, it’d still lead a solitary life.”

As though in deep thought, Victor nods. Although these animals look charmingly naive, they aren’t as weak as imagined, and don’t need to rely fully on those around them.

As compared to them, perhaps he truly hasn’t grown up yet.

[ CHAPTER FOUR - Repaying Love ]

Returning from the call, the man sees Victor staring at the back profile of Little Vick. Even after leaving the panda area, he doesn’t speak.

“Why aren’t you talking?”

After a while, Victor responds.

“It doesn’t seem like it’d remember us.”

The man recollects the image he saw earlier. With some understanding, he nods.

“If we visit it a few more times in the future, it might remember.”

“But... so many people visit the pandas every day. I’m just one of them.”

“Victor, let Dad ask you something.” The man pauses in his footsteps and looks at him. “Without considering other factors, do you like Little Vick?”

Victor nods very quickly. The man continues with another question.

“After knowing it wouldn’t respond to you, do you still like it?”

After thinking about it for a while, Victor nods again. The man laughs slightly, bringing him towards the resting spot near the lakeside.

“Not being able to return the same emotions yet not affecting your liking towards it - isn’t this very good?”

“But it’s usually living in the zoo. We can't rear it personally. This kind of liking can’t establish any connections.” Victor seems to hesitate. “I remember you mentioning that the reason for “liking” is to establish connections with other people.”

The man pauses in his steps, turning his head to meet his son’s puzzled gaze. He sighs softly.

“What Dad tells you is not necessarily always true. You need to learn how to assess the appropriate occasion and target. You and Little Vick aren’t able to understand each other. Protecting it from afar like this isn’t a bad choice.”

Victor frowns slightly. These words are slightly confusing, and seem to contain things he has yet to understand.

“In that case, what if there’s mutual understanding?

A cool breeze brushes past. He watches as his father blinks, concealing a very small emotion in his eyes.

“A person who is willing to understand you is someone who is wiling to walk down the same path as you. If you meet that person someday, you must definitely cherish them.”

Because their original plan was to visit the countryside park, the man also brought the cake along. Since the scenery by the lakeside isn’t bad, the both of them select a bench and sit down. The man hands the cake box to Victor.

“Do you mind eating the cake a few days in advance?”

“I don’t mind.”

Victor takes apart the ribbon. Inside is a very exquisite cake, a small brand logo printed on the bottom right side of the chocolate sign. Perhaps noticing his slight pause, he quickly hears his father’s voice.

“...this year’s cake was bought.”

“It looks very nice. Thanks, Dad.”

“The zoo doesn't allow for the lighting up of candles. So we’ll blow out the candles and make a wish at home.”

“Okay, it’s all right.”

Victor carefully cuts out two slices of cake, handing one to his father. The two of them sit next to each other, eating cake while staring at the lake, neither of them speaking.

[ CHAPTER FIVE - Important Person ]

After returning home and having a bath, Victor walks towards his room with relaxed steps. While passing by his father’s bedroom, he vaguely hears him talking to someone over the phone.

It’s so late. Is he still working? Victor is about to continue walking, but his ears suddenly catch a few special words.

Weather, zoo, birthday... His father doesn’t seem to be talking about work, but about very trivial topics to someone. Just as he’s about to step away from the door quietly, his father calls out to him.

“Victor, come in.”

“It’s late and you aren’t asleep yet.”

His father sets down the phone, not giving him a reply. Victor glances at the screen which has yet to dim, and it displays that he isn’t currently in a call. His father doesn’t seem to know how to explain that “phone call”. After a moment of silence, he suddenly broaches another topic.

“Dad didn’t give you a present this year. You’re going to be 15 soon. Do you want something different?”

“You’re referring to...”

“For example, a present belonging to an adult.”

“Anything is fine?”

“Tell me what it is first.”

After giving it some thought, Victor scans his father’s room. Most of the items are either things he already owns, or things he doesn’t need in the far future. After taking a look around, his eyes fall back onto his father - to be more precise, the dark coloured tie he’s wearing.

“I want to buy a tie.” Victor pauses, then adds on. “One with a darker colour.”

Actually, there have been many occasions when he’s needed to wear a tie, and he doesn’t lack them. But most of them cater to his age, or are for school performances, and he doesn’t have one which is formal. Also, considering his mother’s preferences, the colours and patterns of the ties in the closet are very outlandish. One of them even has panda badges on it.

Perhaps thinking about the same image, his father suddenly laughs.

“Okay, you’ll pick one yourself tomorrow. But I have a condition.”

“Go ahead.”

“The reason why we didn’t light candles or make a wish this year is in hopes that you’ll say it directly when you want anything in the future. Especially when it comes to important wishes - you need to tell them to important people as soon as you can.”

“However, if it’s something I can do, I don't want to trouble someone else.”

“To some people, it isn’t troublesome.”

After saying this, he tousles Victor’s hair. Victor seems to comprehend it vaguely. In the past, he used to teach Victor how to be independent, so why is he suddenly changing his attitude?

Could it be that someone like his father has moments when he wishes to rely on someone else too?

Returning home the next day after buying the tie, Victor is once again called into his father’s bedroom. The two of them stand properly before the full-length mirror.

“The pattern of a tie is very critical, but tying a suitable knot is also very important.”

He watches as his father retrieves a tie from the closet, turning around to face him.

“Today, I’ll teach you how to tie a formal knot.”

“Okay.”

Before being taught, Victor never expected that such a complicated knot existed. Even though he follows his father step-by-step, the final knot ends up being crooked. Refusing to give up, he removes the tie, giving it another try.

“Does this knot have a name?”

“Eldredge Knot.”

“What occasion requires such a knot?”

His father doesn’t give him a direct answer. “The more complicated the knot, the more important the occasion. Even if you were to only use it once, it’s worth preparing for it.”

Victor watches his father in the mirror. He doesn’t say more, and simply tells him to practise by himself before turning around and leaving. Victor spends an incredibly long time in front of the mirror before he finally ties it into shape.

When he turns around, wanting his father to check it, he sees the wedding photograph of his parents out of the corner of his eye. This photograph isn’t foreign to him, but he still takes a curious, careful look at it.

With this, he finally understands what his father meant by “occasion”. In the photograph, the knot the father tied is the exact same one.

[ CHAPTER SIX- A flowing love ]

One more photograph of Little Vick nibbling on bamboo appears on Victor’s desk. Even though there’s a huge “generation gap” between him and Little Vick, the way it eats seriously without being picky is worthy of acknowledgement. Victor thinks - if he can fork out the adoption fees and enable it to lead a healthy and happy life, it counts as a one-sided, reasonable expression of liking it.

Aside from studying, Victor spends a lot of time over the following days researching stocks intensively. After a couple of transactions, he manages to recoup more than his original investment. This sale enables him to accumulate enough to cover the adoption fees. With the success of the stock market simulation, his father, as agreed, deposits the money into Victor’s savings account.

“Next year, you can see Little Vick with pride.”

“It’s fine as long as I can continue providing it with a good life.”

The man sighs in his heart when he looks at Victor’s small, deliberately stern face. It appears that he’s still troubled by Little Vick not remembering him.

"However, I heard that it could have its own children soon. Could I continue adopting its children?”

The man is a little surprised, but responds seriously.

“It’s your own decision. You have to ensure that you have the ability to do so in the future.”

“I’ve done some calculations. Before I turn 25, I can repay you for all the adoption fees over the years.”

“Does this count as your wish?”

“No, it’s a plan.”

The man chokes up for a moment. Even though Victor is at an age where nothing daunts him, he rarely boasts. If he can truly walk down the path he has planned, it’s truly worthy of admiration.

There may still be much his son has to learn, but he’s wiling to believe in him. But before that, he still has to return to the previous question.

“So what's your wish?”

The self-assured mini adult suddenly grows uneasy after hearing this question.

“I wish... that you’ll see me as an adult next time.”

“Hm?” The man displays an amused expression.

“If there are certain things I can do, you can let me shoulder them for you.”

At the sight of Victor’s resolute expression, the man can’t help but laugh.

"I could consider it, but you have to first learn how to not wear your tie crookedly.”

He looks down. Without realising it, his tie has become loose, and hangs on him crookedly. He hurries to the mirror to straighten it, but still looks in the direction of his father out of the corner of his eye.

The call which didn't get through in the bedroom earlier - Victor knows who it was made to. A proper calculation of the time differences , and the gentle tone used to talk about trivial matters - he’s already heard it for many years.

Certain things can’t be re-lived. But at least, they can continue through other means.

As a person who is about to become an adult, he believes he can do it.

Fun fact: Victor tied the Eldredge knot in his Deep Love Date T^T

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anntoldst0ries · 3 years

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shinrin-yoku (Ethan x MC)

Book: Open Heart Pairing: Dr Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr Noelle Valentine) Word Count/Rating: ~1.7k, PG Summary: When life's difficulties hit, Noelle navigates her way through them by turning to the nature. Category: Hurt & Comfort Warnings: mentions of trauma

A/N: May is a Mental Health Awareness month and here in the UK the theme is nature. My MC, just like me, runs to the woods when things get tough. It helps her clear her head and reconnect with inner strength.

I struggle with mental health myself and it’s important for me to speak up and address the subject. There is nothing worse than shaming or discrediting someone’s difficult feelings. It’s fine not to be fine.

If you struggle alone, please don’t. My inbox will welcome you with open arms. Two heads are better than one, even if we just complain, at least we can complain together 💜

For @choicesmaychallenge2021 Day 13 - Mental Health

SHINRIN-YOKU - A Japanese term for ‘forest bathing’ or the sense of well-being you experience while in nature.

It all starts with a seed. This tiny element which, without aid, is sentenced to certain death. But give it the right soil. Give it water, sun. And it can grow. Into something big. Powerful. Scary.

She is five years old.

They live in a townhouse, a classy Victorian era building. Undistinguished, one of many merging into the background of a typical London street. The colors are also very standard, dirty white married to ivory beige, bar for the deep green door - their rebel child.

For the random passerby, it’s nothing special. But for her, the walls of a storey house encapsulate the whole world.

The garden behind the house is neat and clean, visibly well taken care of. She doesn’t remember exact details anymore, but she remembers begging her parents to go camping in the garden with her brother. The ticklish feeling of long and slim blades of grass on her tiny feet. Looking at the stars with pure awe and delight, that only the unspoiled mind of a child is capable of.

The plot of land that the house has been built on borders a beautiful forest. A wooden fence separates the two.

To her, it’s a passage to a magical world.

A world without any particular order, living its own life, unconstricted by rules. Not in the slightest does it resemble the garden on her side of the fence, where things grow according to the rules laid out by the adults.

There is a feeling inside her that she’s too young to name, to throw it in lingual context. It’s not until years later that she realized what it had been. Freedom. To grow however you please. To be what you want to be.

Robust, effuse trees tower over her, making her feel so small. As if she hasn’t already been feeling small enough, living in a world full of giants.

But they mean something else too. They bring a secret and a promise. Promise of a bigger world out there, far from the confines of the place she calls home.

The forest draws her, singing a melody that only her heart can understand. One day, she will be a part of it.

She lives the teenage dream life.

That’s what everyone says.

She doesn’t have any real problems. She’s lucky not having to worry about money. She’s got friends. Her family is great. She just needs to stop whining. Her life is perfect.

Their words, not hers.

None of them know what happens behind closed doors.

The childhood forest is a cloudy memory. Her home is now thousands of miles away, in a city with a giant red bridge, which for some bizarre reason has ‘golden’ in its name.

But the call from nature doesn’t care about distance. It can find you about anywhere. It’s different and yet the same.

Because nature beats in one rhythm and speaks in the same language, everywhere.

The morning is chilly and humid. She’s wearing a wooly coat, carelessly threw on a pair of PJs hiding underneath.

Her steps are brisk, breathing short and heartbeat elevated. Something’s bothering her blanched face.

The voice, again.

When it first appeared, she thought it had her best interest at heart. Used to give her advice and like a good friend, ream her out when she did something bad.

Over time, things took a turn for the worse.

Snarky comments. Casually mentioned wrongdoings. Feedback on what she could have done better, differently.

Noelle hoped the voice would go away on its own.

It hasn’t.

Not only did the voice not go away, but it was actually growing stronger with each passing day. Became more vocal. Judgmental. Openly hostile.

It fed on her fears.

It’s your fault - it told her - that your parents are getting divorced.

You are not good enough.

Even a lie, repeated enough times, will finally become the truth. And so it did for her, to the point where she couldn’t distinguish her own voice from the voice of the tormentor. Sounds faded into one.

Whoever said words can cut like a knife was right. But those who knew thoughts could leave scars that are much deeper, were truly wise.

The young, beautiful girl who never hurt a soul, became a hostage. A prisoner locked in the jail of her own head.

A giant tear rolled down her face. Made of all the words her heart couldn’t say.

She hugged the tree tightly and inhaled the woodsy aroma, the scent filling her lungs fully.

It’s sensuous.

Just like that, she is small again.

She’s got all that she ever wanted.

Degree from one of the best medical schools. Graduating with honors and glowing recommendations from even the strictest professors, who kept assuring her that her future in medicine is so bright it’s actually blinding. Then, a dreamy residency in one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country.

Pretty impressive, right? Even a fool could see that. But the only fool whose opinion she cared about, couldn’t. All these things were clearly not good enough for Ethan Ramsey to stay.

She wasn’t good enough for him to stay.

Not longer than a year ago he was just a concept, an ideal without a face, body and voice. To her, he was a celebrity, a hero, someone whom mortals don’t have access to.

It was preposterous to consider for even a second Dr Ramsey could actually see something in an intern.

Standing among the moss-covered trees, every fiber of her being was filled with the thought of him.

Did the Amazonian forest remind him of her, just like every forest around reminded her of him?

Just when she won the battle for her career, she lost another. Because life had to be a zero-sum game.

As painful as that would have been, she wished she had something to hold onto. A scene she could replay in her mind. An image of him walking away. Or saying goodbye.

But he left without a word.

That was the pattern. That was history repeating itself.

She took her shoes off and stepped on the soil frosted with morning dew. It’s cold and wet. It’s refreshing. She is grounding. Reconnecting with Earth.

Tunes in with the rivers of grass, towers of trees, fences of bushes.

If the trees could speak, they’d tell stories not many people would believe in.

Tales of heartbreaks. Parables of spirits.

They are all nature’s poems.

Hauntingly beautiful. Riveting. Written without a single word.

Because nature speaks its very own language that only the soul, not the mind, can understand.

Pain is ripping her apart. But it reminds her that she’s alive. And this, in itself, is a miracle.

She doesn’t know who she is anymore.

Some people call her a survivor. But it doesn’t feel like the right word. So many things in her died. So much was lost.

The attack took a lot from her. Danny. Bobby. Sense of security. Identity. Direction.

Right and wrong, good and bad, righteous and vicious. These are all just words. Someone needs to come and teach her the meaning of them anew. Draw lines, mark out frontiers. Save her from herself.

The ground is soaked. Torrential rain turned the soil into soft mud, warm and easily slipping through her fingers. She falls on her knees, praying for the ground to consume her.

Fill every part of her. Silence the internal cacophony. To sink into oblivion.

Not many people knew about the panic attacks and recurring nightmares. They’re always the same.

She’s standing in the middle of a swamp. Danny and Bobby are drowning, their arms reaching out for her. She knows she can only save one of them. She runs out of time trying to figure out how to save both. As a result, they both die. Time stands still and yet everything is spinning, moving, racing. The reality is a riot of overbright colours.

Suddenly, a ring breaks the silence. A polyphonic intruder. She looks at the screen through hooded eyes and notices the caller’s name. It’s him. He’s petrified. Worried to death. Asks her to stay where she is.

Some time later, maybe 10 minutes, maybe an hour - who knows? - he emerges from the gathering of stocky oaks.

The moment he catches the sight of her, he starts running. She notices a lab coat underneath the jacket. He’s soaking wet.

Even though he is so close, he doesn’t slow down. Crashing into her, he scoops her in his arms. Catches her in the tightest of embraces.

Asks her if she’s fine. No. Not that question again. She’s tired of people fussing over her and gets angry.

Had it not been for the attack, would he even be here? The voice asks mockingly. It doesn’t matter to her. He’s there now.

Deep baritone is gentle and full of concern. It’s not like that. It’s not his intention to fuss. He’s simply worried. Because she is the most important thing to him in the whole world. Yes, he wasted so much time. That’s why he refuses to lose even one more second.

A dam breaks within her. Eliciting a quiet sob. She clutches his shirt, holds onto him for dear life. Moments later, she’s screaming at the top of her lungs. Singing her poignant birdsong.

How is she supposed to cope? Will things ever go back to normal? What is normal anyway?

In the confines of the infamous patient room she never felt more scared in her life. But here, out in the open, she feels so safe. As if she’s had a silent agreement with nature, which vouched to protect her at all costs.

And this time, nature had an ally. Because Ethan will protect her, even if it’s the last thing he does. Holding onto each other, they stand in the nothingness.

It keeps them grounded. Connected to their roots. Turning over new leaves. Bending before they break. Growing.

They get lost. Mother Nature has a reward for those who do. They have a chance to find themselves. Over and over again.

~~~

If you made it this far - thank you & you're awesome 🥰

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#open heart #Ethan Ramsey x mc #choices fic writers creations #fics of the week #mental health awareness

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