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emo-batboy · 10 months

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Battinson on SNL

Idk how popular Saturday Night Live is outside of the US so there will be some links for context. That said, as a New Jersey native, I think Battinson would totally watch the show. And since he's a celebrity...👀

To promote WE’s newest charity fund, Alfred signs Bruce up to be a guest host on SNL (à la this post) The announcement is made, and everyone’s like “oh this is going to be a disaster. That man can’t even hold eye contact or speak a full sentence without crying.”

But oh, that’s why it’s so funny.

Now, hear me out. Bruce’s strengths are displayed best when he’s himself. That’s why he’s so popular in Gotham. That’s why the internet calls him Relatable TM and a Disaster (Affectionate) and “Poor Little Meow Meow.” It’s his ✨ essence ✨

But he tends to get overwhelmed or self-conscious onstage, right? Because he can’t be Himself himself if he has time to overthink something. So after a few meetings with Bruce, the writers of SNL figure out the perfect way to keep Bruce from getting anxious.

They decide to load this episode with as many skits where Bruce plays different caricature-like versions of himself as possible. The objective? Make him break character and laugh so he doesn’t overthink. And if he breaks character, he’ll still technically be in character because he’s playing himself, you know? Genius.

So that’s how they go about structuring the show. During the few days they have to write, they decide to take everything about Bruce’s public image and either ramp it up to 11 or turn it on its head.

He speaks quietly? Turn it into a running gag. He dresses in all black? Make him emo. He tips well? Add that in too. He’s “depressed” and “sad?” Literally, all he does on screen is laugh and break character. What’s not to love?

Of course, Bruce also gets to decide what skits are in each episode as well. (Refer to this if you have no idea how SNL works.) He loves the idea, though, and he has a surprisingly dark sense of humor which bleeds into some of the sketches. They add in a few skits without him, and they’ve got their lineup.

It’s the wildest episode of the season. Here are the highlights:

OPENING MONOLOGUE

It’s the big night, everyone’s excited to see Bruce Wayne hosting a live sketch comedy show with no idea how it will turn out.

To begin his monologue, Bruce walks on, opens his mouth to start talking, and immediately two cast members appear as stagehands to set up six microphones in front of him. He is already struggling to keep himself together.

Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m host- Cast Member: *adds one more tiny microphone to his chest* Bruce: “You may be wondering why I’m hosting tonight.”

It’s working. The audience loves it.

Halfway through, Kate McKinnon comes out in a dark cloak with a chalice. “Your sustenance, my lord.” *sees camera* “Oh. Sorry. Carry on.” And she shambles off. Bruce has to take a second before continuing.

Bruce knows when (most of) the jokes come. It’s literally on the cue cards, but he still falls into a fit of giggles.

There are a few more gags, including Lex Luthor peeking out from behind the band set-up, all teasing the show to come.

Overall, an amazing way to set the tone for the episode. Expectations have been set. Then the skits begin!

(Oh but before I forget: During every single live skit with Bruce, the writers have scheduled for one of the cast members to run in dressed as a stagehand and put an extra mic on him. They do not tell him when it will happen.)

SKIT #1

Between the monologue and the first skit, he has to do a really fast quick change, but to everyone’s surprise, Bruce is a natural. (Huh, wonder why.)

The skit is called Gotham PTA Meeting. We open in a meeting room full of stereotypical PTA moms setting down baked goods and gossiping. And apparently, there is a new PTA member attending today 👀

Right as the meeting starts, he enters. Bruce walks in wearing the most emo get-up imaginable. He’s got a Nirvana shirt, a comical amount of eyeliner, black skinny jeans, chain accessories, metal rings, AND a clip-in extension to give him fringe.

Someone immediately runs in and puts another mic on him.

PTA Mom: “Oh, Bruce! You made it! Did you bring a snack?” Bruce: “I brought lemon bars.” PTA Mom: “Why are they black?” Bruce: “They match my soul…they’re also vegan.”

He talks like a moody teenager. HE CONSTANTLY has to brush the fringe off to the side to read the cue cards. And because there’s so much eyeliner and he’s sweating a bit from the lights, it starts running everywhere.

PTA Mom: “Bruce, you’re a little quiet. What are your thoughts on increasing the school lunch budget?” Bruce: *eyeliner dripping down his chin* “I think it’s a great idea.”

SKIT #2

For a pre-filmed skit, they bring back the Chad character with Pete Davidson.

It’s 2 am, and Chad is working at a 24hr drug store in Gotham. He’s reading Twilight (the book is upside down) when the lights begin to flicker.

He turns around and tries the light switch, turns back around, and JUMPSCARE it’s Bruce dressed as Edward from Twilight.

Yes, he IS sparkly.

Bruce is awkwardly holding a bunch of items, all concerning. He plops down a few knives, several raw meats, Sudafed. Chad: “Oh hey.” Bruce: O_O “I’d like to check out please.” Chad: “Lit.”

Chad’s “No Fucks Given” energy and Bruce’s “Please Do Not Perceive Me” energy clash like titans. The whole skit centers around it.

Bruce: *sweating bullets* “Oh. You’re reading Twilight?” Chad: “Just the title.” Bruce: *throws the book through the window at lightning speed* “It’s not very good. You should probably read something else.” Chad: *shrugs* “Okay.”

Chad: “ID?” Bruce: “ID? For what?” Chad: “Sudafed.” Bruce: “Oh. I don’t really need that, actually.” Chad: “Already scanned it.” Bruce: “Haha. Of course.” *awkwardly produces a scroll from his pocket that says Bruce Wayne DOB: 1901* Chad: “Okay.”

Bruce checks out, Chad picks up a porno mag or something, and we see Bruce turn into a bat and fly off through the window behind him.

SKIT #3

The next skit they have is Celebrity Family Feud: Billionaires Edition. Again, Bruce plays himself, but he’s more of a background character. Instead, the skit makes fun of billionaires as a whole.

Bruce’s team consists of Kylie Jenner, Lex Luthor, and Oliver Queen. So just imagine three Lucille Bluths standing beside one another.

Bruce’s bit? He just keeps handing cash to Steve Harvey every time he breathes in his direction.

Host: "We got the richest man in the world: Bruce Wayne!" Bruce: *hands him a roll of cash* Host: "Oh, what’s this for?" Bruce: "It’s your tip. I always tip." Host: "Oh, Mr. Wayne, you don’t usually tip the show host. I’m also a millionaire myself." Lex Luthor: *snatches it* "Well, if you’re not going to use it, I will…for charity, of course." Host: "Uh huh, whatever helps you sleep at night."

Just a ton of fun quips, the usual.

At some point, Harvey says, “That’s batty.” Bruce: *ducks* “Where?!” Host: “Oh, I don’t mean Batman. He’s not here.” Bruce: “You don’t know that.”

This time, the mic bit is a bit different.

Host: “We asked 100 billionaires: How much does a loaf of bread cost? Top three answers are on the board.” Bruce: *hits buzzer* Host: Bruce, your answer is? Cast Member: *runs in with a megaphone and holds it in front of Bruce* Bruce: “TEN DOLLARS?”

Board dings! That was the #1 answer

Brucie Wayne for the win

SKIT #4

Next is a skit that dares to ask Gotham, “Why would anyone live here?”

The skit begins with someone opening a press conference for Wayne Enterprises. “And now presenting: Bruce Wayne!” Bruce walks in…

But it’s not him. Instead, it’s one of the cast members dressed in a black suit with horribly gelled brown hair.

Everyone in the audience is wondering where the actual Bruce is before another cast member runs onstage crying, “Help! Help! I’ve just been robbed! Somebody call Batman!”

A mini version of the bat-signal lights up…

We hear some generic hero music play…

And there he is: Bruce Wayne dressed in a horribly cheap Batman costume

(They got the cowl ALL wrong btw)

Bruce puts his hands on his hips in a weird superhero pose. Bruce: “I’m Batm-” Cast Member: *runs out to attach another mic to his costume* Bruce: “….I’m Batman!”

Cue all of the gags and digs against Batman. The fake Bruce faints then starts crying under a table. Someone calls Batman a furry. Bruce is barely keeping it together the whole time. Lord help him, but he asked for it. He approved the skit.

Bruce: “Looks like a job for my bat taser!” Cast Member: “Isn’t that just a taser with a bat on it?” Bruce: *whispers* “You shut your mouth.”

He saves the day, the police take the thief into custody, then Batman myStErioUsly disappears. Bruce: “Look over there!” *runs off* Cast Member: “Oh my gooood, how did he do that?”

CLOSING SEGMENT

Finally, they have the Weekend Update where Bruce comes on as himself for the final time.

Since they got his permission, the writers switch out some of Bruce’s jokes last minute. (Think Bill Hader’s Stefon which notoriously caused him to break character because the writers would mess with his cue cards.)

News Anchor: “Here to promote his newest humanitarian project: Bruce Wayne!” “Mr. Wayne, what a pleasure to see you today.” Bruce: “Thank you. This is probably the longest I’ve been out of the house.” News Anchor: “Since the Riddler catastrophe?” Bruce: “Since ever.”

News Anchor: “So Mr. Wayne! Before you make your announcement, any life updates?” Bruce: “Yes, actually. Just a few days ago, I adopted five- *starts losing it* five more children.” News Anchor: “Wow, really? So you have eight kids now.” Bruce: “Uh huh. *tears streaming down his face* One more orphan and I get the tenth one free.”

News Anchor: “So where can people find you online?” Bruce: “Well, I don’t have social media because I’m afraid of people, but sometimes I’m on Twitter.” News Anchor: “What about a phone call?” Bruce: “Oh no, phone calls- *giggle* phone calls give me fainting spells.”

It’s a great way of finishing the show, with the most genuine version of Bruce. Then, he gets to what’s really important!

News Anchor: “So if they can’t reach you on social media or on the phone, what else can our viewers do, Mr. Wayne?” Bruce: “They can donate to the Wayne Foundation’s newest charity called The Arts Initiative. It funds programs for the arts in underdeveloped school districts nationwide. I’ve already donated $30 million, and I’ve pledged to match every dollar donated within the next week.”

And that’s what he’s here for :) They share a link for where and how to donate. The anchors praise him for his charity, which he deflects because he can definitely afford this, and the 90-minute broadcast is over.

The camera pans away with the whole cast waving goodbye, and Bruce is seen keeling over with laughter.

Along with some of the other skits, these four specifically go viral. WE raises a fuck ton of money, and everyone loves Bruce.

THE END

LOVE YOU ALL!! Let me know what you think :D

#battinson #bruce wayne #batman #batman 2022 #the batman 2022 #the batman #battinson needs a hug #gotham #dc universe #dc #saturday night live #snl #soft bruce wayne #batdad #batfamily #gotham city #brucie wayne #only in gotham #give battinson a child 2k23

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chloesimaginationthings · 2 months

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FNAF movie Vanessa may have a soft spot for Vanny,,

#myart #chloesimagination #comic #fnaf vanessa #fnaf vanny #vanessa afton #vanessa shelly #security breach #fnaf #fnaf movie #fnaf fanart #five nights at freddy's #More of Vanessa and Vanny!!#I think Vanny’s costume is probably pretty soft to the touch #I think Vanessa would notice that and like it #I can see Vanessa loves rabbits in particular #POOR Vanny can’t see a way out of this #Vanessa kindness is just too strong for her

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theambitiouswoman · 8 months

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A self love night time routine 🌙🧸🪞🤍✨

Your night time routine is all about dedicating time to yourself. Your routine should be tailored to what makes YOU feel relaxed, loved, and cared for. You can add or modify any of these steps to make it perfect for you.

Cleanse & skin care routine. This isn’t just about hygiene. Cleansing your skin can also cleanse the day's stresses away. Remove makeup (if you wear it). Use a gentle cleanser. Apply toner, serums, or treatments if you use them. Moisturize to keep your skin hydrated.

Spend a few minutes decluttering and organizing so you can go to sleep with a clear mind.

Prepare for tomorrow. Pick out your clothes, prepare your lunch and create your to do list so you wake up with a plan of action.

Set aside electronics, especially those that might interrupt your relaxation (phones, laptops). Put them on the other side of the room, or another room to avoid distractions.

Spend a few minutes journaling or meditating on your day. Write down three things you're grateful for as well as your achievements or progress.

Make a herbal tea or warm milk. Stay away from caffeine, they will interfere with your sleep.

If you enjoy baths, now might be the time to have one with calming salts or essential oils. If you prefer showers, use this time to enjoy the sensation of the water, rather than rushing through it.

Spend a few minutes practicing deep breathing, grounding exercises, or meditation to calm your mind.

Choose a book, avoid anything too stimulating or stress inducing.

Stand in front of a mirror and speak kind words to yourself. Use positive affirmations that resonate with you, like “I am worthy of love and happiness” or “I did my best today, and that's enough.”

Dress in comfortable nightwear, ensuring your sleeping environment is cozy. This could be clean sheets and a comfortable pillow.

Dim the lights, play calming music or nature sounds, or use an essential oil diffuser with lavender or chamomile.

Before closing your eyes to sleep, visualize a peaceful scene or a memory that makes you happy.

As you lie in bed, silently express gratitude for the day. Set a positive intention for the next day.

Get full night's sleep. Make sure you’re getting 7-9 hours depending on your personal needs.

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erwinsvow · 1 month

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𝐫𝐜 - 𝟏:𝟏𝟒𝐚𝐦

in your sleepy daze, you don’t feel the covers shift and move. rafe crawls in beside you, pulling on the blanket gently to get close. he thinks it’s soft enough that you don’t notice, because after all, you hadn’t noticed him opening the door to his bedroom to get in or turning on the lights to get changed.

while he tries to swing his arm around you to get comfortable, you cuddle closer to him, head resting on his arm before your eyes blink open.

“rafe?” you mumble, trying to make out your boyfriend’s shape in the dark. “go back to sleep, kid. it’s late.”

“no, i’m up now-” you let out a yawn, stretching your arms. “what time is it?”

“one in the morning.” you lean in, nestling your face into his neck and draping your arm across his chest. rafe picks up your hand, playing with your fingers, brushing over the ring he’d got you.

“that’s late,” you note, followed by another yawn.

“yeah, i know. that’s why i’m tellin’ you to sleep.”

“how was the party?” you ask quietly, eyes open now, staring out the window at the moon. you listen to rafe’s heartbeat from your position on his chest, the repetitive thud becoming a soothing sound. you’re honestly not sure how you fell asleep without him in the first place, since it’s usually an impossible task.

“stupid. no fun without you.” he presses a kiss to the top of your head, and you squirm, giggling.

“i bet you’re just saying that.”

“am not. i don’t lie to you.” you feel oddly comforted by his words—rafe’s hardly sentimental, but every once in a while when you get him like this, you try to soak it in.

“well, i’m sorry it wasn’t fun.”

“s’fine. doesn’t need to be fun if you’re not there. just went to sell, anyways. top got piss drunk.”

“yeah, sarah said they were fighting or something.”

“not even dating. how’re they fighting? idiots.” you laugh against his chest again, humming in agreement.

“i don’t know. not everyone can be perfect like us.” he presses another kiss, this time to your forehead.

“got that right. now close your eyes. not jokin’ around. bedtime.”

“okay, okay. goodnight, rafe.”

“goodnight, baby.”

#<333 good night loves #soft rafe to end the niiighttt #rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #time series

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