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indigovigilance · 6 months

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The Final Fifteen is about Terry Pratchett's Death

read on Ao3

The final fifteen is obviously a major plot point, and serves a role in a story that was written long before Terry Pratchett was ever diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. But the scene itself wasn’t written until just a few years ago, during the writing of Season 2. In fact, the scene came about during a park bench conversation between Neil Gaiman and John Finnemore.

Others have noted that the non-romantic kiss that signals the story moving into the third act is a Neil Gaiman staple. The function of such a kiss, from Gaiman’s perspective, is to communicate.

In 2023 we are seeing a lot of stories written by men, for men, about men who are best friends and discover that their friendship can go deeper than the norms of society would usually allow; that platonic and romantic love are not so far apart, and perhaps the better word for a relationship that can be described this way is intimacy.

Neil Gaiman has made it clear in interviews that his friendship with Terry Pratchett was deeply intimate. They began collaborating on what would become Good Omens in the 1980’s, endured a tumultuous experience together through the first publication, wherein Neil offered to martyr himself on behalf of Terry if the book failed, and then spent the better part of two decades touring the world, meeting the people who loved their work. Neil would even off-handedly remark that Terry’s fans were so cheerful, and Neil’s seemed like they were ready to kill themselves; wouldn’t it be nice if they got married? From the outside, it looks very much as if Terry was Aziraphale-coded, and Neil was Crowley-coded, working together in an unexpected partnership to make the world a little bit more tolerable for the humans inhabiting it. I am not conjecturing that Neil and Terry had romantic inclinations the way their fictional characters do, but I think it is fair to say that their opposites-attract intimacy became an important part of who each of them were.

In 2007 Terry Pratchett was diagnosed with posterior cortical atrophy, a rare form of Alzheimer’s. As the disease progressed, he began to lose himself, and knew that the person he used to be was slipping away. He wanted to end his life on his own terms, and die as himself, but England did not and still does not allow for voluntary euthanasia or assisted suicide. He advocated for the right to die but never achieved it, and ultimately succumbed to the disease in 2015. Neil Gaiman has spoken a lot on the topic of death, and one answer of his that resonated with me reads:

Mostly it feels terrible. It even feels terrible when it’s someone who has been in a lot of pain for a long time or has not really been there for a long time and you know that Death has in some ways been a blessing: suddenly you are mourning the whole person.

It doesn’t get easier as you age. It gets stranger. The point where you realise how many people you used to know and like who aren’t there any longer, and you cannot talk to them or see them or laugh with them is painful in a way that I had never expected. The first time that someone you had a romantic relationship with dies and you realise that there had been moments both of you shared and now you are the sole custodian of those moments and one day you will be gone and they will be lost forever is peculiarly strange and hard.

~~~

The entire show is seeded with references to Terry Pratchett, but the most important one is the one that’s missing. Neil Gaiman cameoed as a sleeping moviegoer in S1E4, but a long time ago, he and Terry had discussed cameoing as sushi restaurant-goers, because sushi was weirdly prominent in the book. That cameo would have been in S1E1. But when it came time to do it, Neil couldn’t. Not without Terry.

Neil: I was gonna say our location is a Chinese restaurant we’d had turned into a sushi restaurant. So Terry and I, Terry Pratchett and I, had a standing… not even a standing joke, just a standing plan, that we were going to have sushi - there was going to be a scene in Good Omens where sushi was eaten and we were gonna be extras, we were gonna sit in the background, eating sushi while it was done. And I was so looking forward to this and, so I wrote this scene with it being sushi, even though Terry was gone, with that in mind and I thought: Oh, I’ll sit and I’ll eat lots of sushi as an extra, this will be my scene as an extra, I’ll just be in the background. And then, on the day, or a couple of days before, I realized that I couldn’t do it.

Douglas: You never told me this before either. I might have pushed you into doing it, had I known. I think you were right not to tell me.

Neil: I was keeping it to me self ‘cause I was always like: Oh, maybe I’ll be… this will be my cameo. And then I couldn’t. I was just so sad, ‘cause Terry wasn’t there. And it was probably the day that I missed Terry the most of all of the filming - it was just this one scene ‘cause it was written for Terry and all of the sushi meals we’d ever had and all of the strange way that sushi ran through Good Omens.

~~~

In the Final Fifteen, it is clear that Crowley and Aziraphale want to stay together. They love each other. They each know that the other loves them. There’s nothing that needs to be said, no convincing that their bond is true and real and precious.

But Aziraphale has to go to Heaven, and Crowley cannot follow him there.

I cannot speculate what it must have been like for Neil to endure losing a friend who, though I’m sure he desperately wanted to still be in his life, he also knew that life had become a burden to him, and grieved that Terry was not able to choose the time and manner of his departure from this Earth. This sort of complex grief, we fan-ficcers know, is the kind that is often best processed through story-telling.

I think that what we see Crowley going through in the Final Fifteen, alongside its importance to the story arc of Good Omens overall, is Neil processing his grief at losing his friend Terry Pratchett, and even the kiss, that violent, terrible, awful kiss, was the symbolic representation of Neil saying goodbye.

#neil gaiman #terry pratchett #aziraphale #crowley #good omens #good omens 2 #good omens meta #ivoc #this meta ended up being only about 2/3 the length of my usual metas and somehow that feels appropriate because Terry's life ended too soon #and the jarring brevity of this piece parallels that feeling of sudden unexpected loss #for me anyways I don't know about you guys #if this made your eyes even slightly moist you are obligated to reblog to help someone else feel their feels #I don’t make the rules #but them is the rules #blessed by Beelzebub

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skzhua · 11 months

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Episode five.

MASTERLIST

pairing: XO, Kitty's Min Ho x Female Reader

genre: Fluff, angst, enemies-to-lovers, slow burn, coming-of-age.

word count: 3.8k

warnings: Swearing, mentions of divorce, mentions of deceased parents, some cringey asf moments.

summary: Transferring to KISS was the last thing you had asked for and, yet, a certain tall boy made it seem both worse and better than you expected.

note: Bold - Korean, Italic - Over the phone

a/n: I am beyond overwhelmed by the amount of love this series is receiving. It means so much to me, you have no idea. Thank you <3

(let me know by filling the form in my bio if you want to be added to the taglist!)

There were bad days, and then there were bad days. And Min Ho was clearly having the second one. After you slammed the door in his face, he dropped on the couch next to Q. He might have hoped a little that his friend was going to be of any moral support but he couldn't be any far from the truth. Q was still pissed at him. In fact, almost everyone he knew was.

Dae came back to the dorm after Q left to go to bed. Seeing Min Ho alone, he greeted him kindly.

"You're here. How was your day?"

"It sucked." Dae gave him a sad look as Min Ho let out a sigh. "It sucked."

He went to sit across him and gave him a sad smile. "What happened earlier, I'm sorry... Things are crazy these days."

"I know, that's why I'm trying to help you." he said in frustration. "Why are you keeping secrets from me? You didn't even tell me you were dating Yuri all summer... And why did you tell Kitty about Poopy Baby?"

Dae gulped, not saying anything back.

"Are you really my friend?"

He let himself fall back on the seat in defeat. "I'm such garbage."

"Well, at least you know that."

"Hey. You still have feelings for her, right?" he was replied with a hum. "If I can be honest, I saw something today. On the Internet. Randomly! Accidentally!"

There was a pause before Dae hopped on his chair as he suggested they play Overwatch. After agreeing to order hot wings and do face masks, Kitty walked in and rushed to go see Q in his room. Dae's stare lingered to the door and Min Ho snapped him out of it.

Overhearing it all, you heard them call Kitty out of the room to show her something. Curiosity got the best of you, so you joined the others and walked up behind Q to watch what was going on. The sight horrified you. Why would someone stream their roommate in their sleep?

"What? My roommate put me on some weird website as I was sleeping." Kitty scoffed.

"I don't see the appeal." Min Ho sighed.

"And yet you somehow found the site."

He looked at you as you grabbed his attention but only received a death stare from your part. You definitely needed to work on your weird dynamic.

"Kitty, you should move." Dae said, more like an command than a suggestion. "You can't live with this girl anymore."

Q nodded. "Yeah, I agree with Dae. This is kind of sketchy."

She huffed. "I tried but there is no other room."

"Uh, how about a hotel? My driver could take you right now." Min Ho offered although he was well aware this wasn't an option.

"I can't afford that for an entire semester."

"I'm sure Dae can hook you up with a discount at Han Hotels."

"Shut up, Min Ho." you said, growing more annoyed with him by the second.

He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. "Just trying to help."

"You helped enough today."

Before another argument broke, Q's face brightened as an idea popped in his mind. He offered to switch rooms with Dae for Kitty to come live with the rest of you again. In secret. Though unsure, she agreed because of how much she couldn't take her roommate anymore.

Chuseok used to be your favourite day of the year. You would have a delicious meal with your parents at home, free of worries and problems. Your mom's japchae was what truly kept the tradition living. Needless to say, their death definitely left its mark on you but it became easier with time. And tomorrow, you were going to enjoy it to the fullest. At least try to.

Kitty had spontaneously offered to organize a Chuseok for the expats of the school and begged you to help her out. You would have turned it down but her pleas were almost getting on your nerves that you gave in. She asked you about traditional meals you'd cook with your own family and you put together a list of ingredients she would need to buy. As the list only got longer, you opted to go grocery shopping together.

"Can you get soy sauce? I'll get the gochugaru."

You went to the end of the aisle as she called out for you to ask which kind of sauce she needed to get. Being already in front of the gochugaru, you assumed she could wait a second more for you to pick it up. You crouched down to get it off the shelf. Satisfied with the brand you chose, you got up and were greeted by Min Ho standing in front of you, a basket in hands. His shoulders dropped as you stared back at each other, you doing the same.

"You're seriously everywhere." he complained.

"It's not like I intend on seeing you everywhere."

Kitty came next to you with her cart, having picked out herself a random bottle of soy sauce. "Min Ho."

"And Kitty? You two are like my own sasaengs." he scoffed which Kitty seemed to not have understood.

"What's a sasaeng?" she asked, confirming your thoughts.

"Like a very obsessed fan." you explained. "But we're not."

"Yeah, sure." he smirked at you.

"What are you even doing in a grocery store?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah." you added. "Shouldn't you be on a yatch being rich and annoying?"

He faked a smile. "My dad is doing that with wife number three with her new fillers. I have decided to stay here as a favour to all women who want a piece of me this Chuseok."

He sent you a look before pulling a box of chocolates out of his basket. You could do nothing but roll your eyes at how pathetic it looked.

"Strawberries and chocolate? I'm going to be sick." Kitty said in a boring tone.

"I'm sure Lulu would appreciate it."

This caught your attention. "Lulu? The pop star? You got her to be one of your Min Hoes?"

He scoffed as his infamous smug look appeared. "That's cute, puppy. And she's only the fastest rising popstar in the country."

"And?" Kitty said, not sure what point he was trying to make.

He held up his phone to show you a picture of Lulu but you only frowned.

"We've been flirting since her trainee days." he justified.

"What a surprise." you said sarcastically.

Nonetheless, you couldn't ignore the feeling in the pit of your stomach. It felt like it was ripping apart and you only hoped it didn't mean what you thought it meant.

"She's on break from tour for the holiday. Even K-Pop stops for Chuseok." he continued.

"Okay." Kitty said, unimpressed.

Min Ho analyzed the content of your cart and frowned at you. Taking a pack that laid on top of the rest of your items, he showed it to you.

"Do you even know what to do with this?"

You snatched it back from him. "We're fine, thanks."

"I am admittedly entering new territory but with the help of TikTok, Y/N, and a positive attitude, I'll manage just fine." Kitty said and you facepalmed. "If not, I've won awards for my mashed potatoes."

She was about to push her cart forward and walk away but Min Ho stopped her. "No, no, no. As a Korean national, I cannot in good conscience let you desecrate my native cuisine like this."

"You do know I'll be doing most of the cooking, right?" you asked.

He acted as if he hadn't heard you and dropped his basket in your cart before removing Kitty from her spot to push it himself. "Do you want to poison your classmates or do you need my help?"

"Min Ho." you exhaled.

"This is me being kind right now."

Kitty sighed. "Fine. But I'm still making my mashed potatoes."

You and Min Ho groaned at her words and walked towards the next aisle. She followed behind in panic, telling you to not mess her system up.

While she was watching you two add products to the cart, you kept on bickering on anything really. Disagreeing on certains articles, disputing over a certain dish he wanted to cook, complaining about what you wanted to make...

You managed to go up to the cash register and he insisted on paying for it all. Having fought enough with him, you didn't protest and he helped you and Kitty with getting everything back to the dorm.

You got up from bed earlier than usual, wanting to focus on the side dishes you planned on making. It was going to take a while to get everything done so the sooner you started, the better.

What you didn't expect was to see Min Ho already standing in the kitchen as he dressed in a black tank top with a funny-looking apron over it. He didn't see you right away but he was quick to do so when you let a laugh slip out of your mouth.

"Well, well. Who's decided to be an early bird this morning?" he snickered, referring to your usual moody self when you wake up.

"Looks like we've had the same idea. I wanted to start cooking right away." you said as you went to stand next to him. "Need help?"

He shook his head. "I'm good. You can start on the budae jjigae, though."

Doing as told, you took the ingredients out of the refrigerator and Min Ho moved his own material to leave you space to work. It was silent but unlike normally, it felt nice. You almost dared to think that you liked being this comfortable with him.

"What's this?" you asked about the basket on the stool.

"My mom got it for me, my love language is gifts."

"I would have never guessed." you joked.

"She sent it from Los Angeles since she couldn't be here." He looked down. "We usually spend Chuseok together."

You smiled sadly. "It must suck, I get that. My parents and I never missed Chuseok together. Well, until... yeah."

"Right."

He cleared his throat to ease the tension and continued to chop his onions. You watched him go at it and were pleasantly surprised by his skills.

"I would have never guessed you knew how to cook. Nor would I have expected you to help Kitty. I suppose you can be nice."

He gave you a side eye. "I'm famously anti-Kitty, I'm only doing this to honour our traditional food properly."

"Try to convince me. You have a soft spot."

He chuckled while shaking his head. "Well, if you want me to be nice so badly, should I ask if you're okay?"

You cocked your head to the side. "What do you mean?"

"With your parents and all. I bet it's not easy."

You nodded. "Yeah, definitely a difficult holiday." you breathed out.

"I'm sorry but can I ask what happened?"

You looked at him and saw his eyes softened. "It's..." you hesitated. "They had a business trip and never came back." you kept it short

He rubbed your arm and you shivered at the contact. "That's awful. I'm sure they're looking after you. They must be proud."

Your breath hitched as you felt his head hover yours. You didn't dare to look up but you knew he was looking at you.

"Thank you, Min Ho."

You felt him breathe on the top of your head. It was unsteady and hot, you felt like you were about to melt.

"Good morning." Kitty yawned, coming to join the two of you.

You jumped away from each other and focused back on your tasks, attempting to forget what had just happened. "Hey, slept well?"

"I guess." she yawned again. "Oh, Pepero." she said excitedly and reached out to get it from Min Ho's gift from his mother.

He slapped her hand away. "Don't."

Hours of cooking went by and you were happy to have almost forgotten about your moment with Min Ho. Almost. Having finished with your budae jjigae, you sat at the stool and watched Kitty make her mashed potatoes. Growing bored, you connected your phone to the speakers and scrolled through your playlists to find something to add to the ambiance. After selecting one song, you heard a phone buzzing. Min Ho took his device out and smiled as he replied to a text.

"Confirmed Lulu will be at the premises at 8pm." he said with a smirk before putting his phone away.

Your stomach felt weird again.

"I'm sure she'll love the chocolate." Kitty smiled sarcastically.

"The chocolate was actually for," he began to say and moved his gaze to focus on you. "someone else."

Kitty eye-judged him as she kept mixing her potatoes.

"Hey, don't judge." he exclaimed. "Not all people need to be star-crossed lovers to be compatible. Like, hot people, for example." he pointed to himself. "We can, and want to play the field."

You mentally thanked him for saying that as it gave you a reminder that he was nothing but a jackass. That helped the weird tug in your belly go away.

"That's because you haven't found your perfect match." she looked at you for a second and you coughed in disapproval.

Min Ho grunted. "I've found many, many matches."

"I'm just saying, I've seen the magic when people find the one." she smiled to herself.

"That's sweet to think, Kitty." you said in a bored voice, not believing in what she was saying.

"Y/N's right. My parents both thought they found the one." Min Ho continued. "They were the 'it' couple. Beautiful, young starlet. Chaebol heir. The tabloids literally called them the perfect match. Look at them now."

Visibly, the divorce of his parents seemed to have impacted him more than he would admit. You kind of felt bad but, again, this was Min Ho. He didn't deserve your empathy.

"I'm sorry." you let yourself spill out unintentionally.

He shrugged. "Whatever."

Kitty coughed to clear the atmosphere and served him a bowl of her potatoes for him to taste. He took a spoonful of it and hummed as it was better than he thought.

"It must be weird to have people know all about your family." you continued on topic.

You were glad that he didn't mind keeping on telling you about it. "They think they know, they don't really. That's my point."

You nodded in agreement and he continued.

"There's really only one thing that matters at the end of the day."

"Which is what?" Kitty asked curiously.

"The truth." he responded as if it was obvious.

You helped Kitty with organizing the place. As more people came to her gathering, you welcomed everyone nicely by offering them drinks. You saw Q and Florian arrive and joined Kitty's side to say hello.

"Wow." Q breathed out in amazement. "People are calling this Chingu-seok."

"What?" Kitty asked and you were starting to wonder if she really was working on her Korean like she told you she was.

"It's a pun with chinggu, which means 'friends' and Chuseok." Florian explained. "You started a new tradition."

She was in awe but it was ruined when her eyes spotted Professor Lee. "Oh, no. Why is he here?"

"Because he's sad and lonely." Min Ho answered making you almost choke in your orange juice. "Mind helping me, Y/N?"

You followed him to the main table where you had placed the food dishes. He passed you a bowl of cold noodles and asked you to bring them to a table. As he was placing a plate himself, Madison appeared out of nowhere and waved at him.

"Min Ho, hi."

He shut his eyes closed, clearly not wanting to converse with her. "Hello, Madison."

"I wasn't expecting you to be here." she frowned but then noticed the plate he was holding. "Oh my God, you cooked."

"Yes, but I'm not staying long. Got a date tonight."

You had heard enough and moved to the entrance to invite people in. The weird knot in your belly came back and you absolutely hated it. You hated even more that Min Ho was seemingly the cause of it.

"Y/N!" he called out for you again.

With a lack of enthusiasm, you came to him and he asked you to put the plates away with him. Madison had left so you saw no problem in giving him a hand. Happy with the result, you went to Kitty's table together and stopped to look for which seat to take. You sat at the edge of the table, two seats away from your professor. Although awkward, Kitty was going to be in front of you anyway. Plus, you were only there to enjoy the food.

"Hey."

You raised an eyebrow at Min Ho. "You're sitting here? Willingly?"

He repositioned himself on the seat next to you and shook his head. "No. Yes? Just drop it."

"My bad."

Q insisted for Kitty to make a toast and she did a great job as she mentioned sweet thoughts such as gathering together and her mother. She ended her speech with a 'cheers' and you clang your drinks together. With Min Ho's first.

"Happy Chuseok, little pup." he nudged your shoulder. "Thank you for the food."

"Thank you to you too." you smiled.

You started to serve yourself and were, honestly, overwhelmed by how much food there was. You wanted to taste each one of them.

"Can you pass the japchae?" Min Ho asked Q.

Your head rose from the mention of this specific food. "You made japchae?"

He put it down in front of you two. "Yeah, first thing this morning. Didn't you see?"

You shook your head as a no. "I haven't eaten that in years."

Min Ho brought your plate closer and dumped some in it. "Dig in."

The last time you had actual good japchae was at your last Chuseok with your parents. None had own up to it so far and you were curious to see if his cooking skills were as good as he claimed them to be. You took a bite and chewed slowly. Your eyes grew bigger and you shook his shoulder.

"This tastes exactly like my mom's."

He chuckled. "Really? She might have sent you my way so you could taste it."

You rolled your eyes. "Don't ruin the moment."

He shrugged. "I'm just saying." he checked his phone quickly. "I'm off... to fulfill my destiny."

"Ah, Lulu?" you asked and he wiggled his eyebrows at you while getting up.

"Can't wait to read about it tomorrow." Q commented.

"Wait, you're leaving?" Kitty stopped him.

"Hello, hot date with popstar? Later, sasaeng." he tapped her head and walked away.

You felt disappointed he left. Of course, you would never admit it out loud. To suppress the annoying tingle that seemed to never go away from your chest, you focused on the japchae. Taking more and more bites of it, you reminisced your parents. You missed them terribly. But you were convinced they were watching you and you wanted to make them proud. Min Ho said they would be, after all.

And there it was again, Min Ho coming to your mind. You tried to shake it off but he simply wouldn't go away. And now you pictured him being with his date at this exact moment...

Ping.

You took out your phone from your pocket and read the messages you had just gotten.

Min Ho: Y/N!

Min Ho: Y/N, answer!

Min Ho: Help me!

Min Ho: I don't know who else to call, come help me!

He was definitely going to be the death of you. Putting your pride aside, you left the dinner to head to the school's entrance. You looked around but there was no one. You yelled out his name a few times but you were left unanswered. As you were about to give up and go back to the others, Min Ho's head popped out of the bushes.

"What the hell did Kitty put in those potatoes?"

You looked at him curiously. "What the- Weren't you going out just now?"

"Y/N, answer, please."

You shrugged. "Milk, cheese... I heard her mention it."

He squinted his eyes in shame. "Really, that little piece of-"

"Min Ho." you stopped him but he then groaned in pain and you heard his tummy rumble. "Awe, Poopy Baby. Are you okay? Do you need help with the potty?" you teased him.

"Real funny." he said while his face stayed still. "Lulu could come any minute now. You have to get rid of her. She can't see me like this. But keep her hooked on me."

You scoffed. "And why would I do that?"

"If her fans find out, I'm done for."

"Sounds like a you problem." you replied and started to walk away.

The sound of a car brought your attention back to where Min Ho was and you immediately connected that this was Lulu. Cursing at yourself, you turned back on your heels and greeted the idol with a forced smile.

"Hi." you bowed at her as she stepped out of the car. "Min Ho's running late."

"Who are you?" she asked in a bored voice.

"Min Ho's fanclub president, first in line for a date night with him."

You wanted to die just then and there. Fanclub president, what were you thinking?

"Uh?" she said, confused.

"My date with him just ended. I can't believe I even got to see him up close."

And more will to bury yourself ten thousand miles deep.

"That jerk double-booked me?"

You smiled, almost afraid of what you were going to say next. "He is the most handsome guy at school. I'm not going to lie, he ruined me for other guys. He's just so... well, you know."

"Intriguing... But I refuse to come second. You tell him I come back at 6pm tomorrow night. And that he better clear off the rest of his schedule."

"Oh." was all that you could say.

"When he has a night with me, he won't be seeing anyone else after."

She got back into the car, not leaving you time to say something back, and took off. Min Ho scoffed in disbelief.

"How did you do that?"

"Talent?" you answered, although it came out more like a question. "You owe me."

"I know, I know."

You stood there awkwardly, not knowing what to do next. "Well, I'll go now."

"Y/N, wait."

Halting on your steps, you looked at him, confused, and waited for him to go on. He cleared his throat and looked anywhere but at you.

"The chocolate. It was for you. You can take them when you get home."

You froze. "For me?"

"Yeah." he affirmed and finally looked at you. "As an apology for the other day when I yelled."

You let out a small laugh. "Love language is gifts, uh?"

He rolled his eyes. "Say thank you and we move on?"

"Thank you, Min Ho." you smiled.

#xo kitty #xo kitty fanfic #xo kitty x reader #xo kitty minho #xo kitty minho x reader #xo kitty min ho #xo kitty min ho x reader #min ho x reader #sang heon lee #sang heon lee x reader

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samcarpentersgirlfriend · 4 months

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ILLICIT AFFAIRS | BILLY LOOMIS X READER 𖤐₊˚.

summary: you know he’s in a relationship. you know that this is wrong. but somehow, you just can’t seem to stay away from billy loomis.

word count: 1.5k

warnings: angst, cheating, billy isn’t a great guy lol, reader is insecure, suggestive content, swearing, fem!reader

a/n: yes this is (admittedly a little loosely) based off of the taylor song… I never claimed I was 100% original!! idk what this is tbh but I haven’t posted in a while so <3

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

He’s barely opened the door before his hand grabs yours, pulling you out of the rain and into his warm embrace. He doesn’t even complain about your sodden state, lips crashing into yours as he clumsily backs you against the wall.

“I’m glad you made it, baby.” Billy murmurs in between kisses, voice low with lust. “Fuck, I couldn’t wait any longer. See what you do to me?”

God, it makes it so much easier when he talks to you like that. When he talks like he breathes just for you, like you’d hung the stars and moon. It’s easier to pretend that way.

It doesn’t take long. One moment, your legs are wrapped around Billy’s strong frame and the next, you’re laying beneath him on his bed, sighing as he works on your neck. The marks he leaves are purposeful, and they’ll no doubt be a pain to cover up tomorrow. You tell Billy exactly that, making sure to inject just the right amount of that teasing tone you know drives him crazy into your voice.

“Good,” he says lowly, “Lets people know you’re spoken for. Can’t have anyone touching what’s mine.” He grinds down as if to emphasise his point, hips meeting yours in a way that sends a jolt of electric thrill through your bones.

At least, you think that’s what it’s from; maybe it’s all simply down to his choice of words - mine. He knew what that did to you - what visceral effect it must have on you. Knew how much it meant to you to be wanted and desired and cherished by somebody like Billy Loomis. It was all you’d ever wanted.

Except…

“Except I’m not.” Your voice barely comes out above a whisper. Billy comes to a halt, his lips moving from your collarbone as his brown eyes meet yours. He looks confused and vulnerable in a way that makes you sorry for even bringing it up, but you can’t ignore it. Not now. Not today.

“You are. You know that you are. You mean everything to me, just-"

“Just not as much as Sidney, right?” Her name tastes like ash in your mouth. It always came back to Sidney Prescott - sweet, smart, stunning, Sidney. The girl who barely knew you yet always made an effort to smile at you in the hallway and compliment your outfits. The girl whose boyfriend you were sleeping with behind her back.

From the moment he’d flashed you that charming smirk of his, you knew you were a goner for Billy Loomis. And you’d tried to fight it, you really had. He was bad news, all of your friends thought so, and most importantly, he had a girlfriend. Everybody knew him and Sidney were serious. And you were better than that, sleeping with a taken man.

Except, as it turns out, you weren’t. Not really, anyway. He didn’t even have to try to get you in bed with him, but after the first time, you’d felt so goddamn guilty that you swore it would never happen again.

Your resolve lasted an entire week. Billy was like a drug, alluring in every possible way and so entirely addictive. You couldn’t stay away from him even if you tried. And although the guilt never entirely disappeared, it sure as hell became easier to ignore when Billy whispered sweet nothings into your ear and made you feel like you’d had everything you’d been missing your entire life.

“Sidney?” Billy laughs, a sound almost as beautiful as he is. “Sidney means nothing to me. I’m going to blow her off, and then we can really be together, do it right.”

As awful as it is, the thought of that seems completely compelling. You want to be Billy’s, utterly and solely, more than anything on this earth. Besides, anything would be better than passing him in the hallway and pretending you don’t know every fraction of him so completely intimately. Pretending like he’s not the first and last thing you think of each day. Pretending that you don’t solely wear the single perfume that he complimented once.

So intimately that you know that, at this moment in time, you can’t believe a single word that flows from his mouth - no matter how desperately you want them to be true.

“Billy,” you sigh, turning your head away from his pleading gaze.

“Come on, sweetheart,” he replies rather impatiently. “You know it’s-"

“Complicated,” you finish miserably. “I just don’t get why it has to be!”

“Look, I can’t talk about this right now. Can’t we just…”

He trails off, and his lips catch yours in a passionate kiss. It’s too easy to sink into it, to sit back and just let Billy take the lead and give you just what you want. It’s damn near impossible to pull back, but by some miracle, you manage to do so.

“I’m just saying,” you protest. “If you can’t stand Sidney, if she’s truly as bad as you say she is, why can’t you just end things with her?” The sheer frustration that laces your tone is evident even to you. “I don’t know if I can keep doing this Billy, it’s driving me insane, I-"

“What, so you’re mad at me now?” Billy scoffs, tone completely accusatory. “Because you knew what you were getting into - you’re hardly innocent here, alright! I didn’t trick you into sleeping with me - last I checked, you're perfectly fine with our arrangement when it means you get to be the one under me! So why d’you even care, huh - in fact, why don’t you do us both a favour and keep the fuck out of my business?”

You reel back as if you’ve been slapped. Not because of what was said - you both know the words to be true, however deep down that is - but because of how much they hurt. You knew you were a horrible person, but you hoped that Billy saw you as more than that - you needed him to see you as more than that. And by the way he usually acted in your company when it was just the two of you, you thought that he did. When you were alone, he worshipped you. Fuck, the boy looked at you as if he was completely and utterly in awe of your mere presence. And he’d definitely never snapped at you like this.

It’s one thing hating yourself for what you’re doing, but it’s another having the one person you love so deeply confirm all the ugly parts of your personality that you work so hard to keep hidden from the world.

He can evidently read the hurt written all over your face, and Billy’s once irritated gaze softens. “Shit,” he breathes, and you can’t tell if he genuinely sounds remorseful or if you’re naively hearing what you want to believe.

It’s easier to go with the latter option.

You make a move to stand, but you feel a strong arm pulling you back down onto the bed below. “I’m so sorry,” Billy apologises, pushing a stray hair behind your ear. “I’m being an ass, I know that. I didn’t mean to take it out on you, baby.” With your arm still in his tight grasp, it would be difficult to stand up without outright pushing him away from you. But with each hushed word Billy speaks, you find yourself wanting to stay more and more. After all, he was right. You were already guilty, and your dignity was clearly long gone. What would be the use in leaving? It’s not like you could fall any further from grace.

Your eyes flutter closed as Billy kisses all along your jaw, mumbling apologies under his breath as he does so. “I’ll fix everything, I swear. You’ve just gotta trust me,” he vows before his lips suddenly move beside your ear. His breath is hot as he murmurs, “you do trust me, right doll?” A small, pathetic whimper escapes from the back of your throat, and you find yourself nodding before you even decide to move.

“That’s my girl.” The honey-sweet tone of his voice is enough to make you crumble, and your fingers desperately start to make work of undoing his belt. It doesn’t take long, what with your hands working practically on autopilot. Billy takes the hint, and he eagerly pulls your shirt over your head with ease, strong fingers unclasping your bra once he’s finished.

You’re making a complete fool of yourself, a bitter voice whispers at the edge of your mind. He’s spelled it out for you, and yet you’re still here, letting him undress you like this. How pitiful.

It’s not incorrect. Billy Loomis had undoubtedly made a mess of you. Ruined you. Before all of this - and God, how long ago that seemed now - you were good. You were headstrong and assertive, and you’d never been one to let people walk all over you. That girl was a far cry from the person you were now, and she’d undeniably despise the idiotic fool you’d become.

You wouldn’t exactly blame her, either. You know that when you get home, you won’t even be able to face your own reflection. You never can.

But you also know damn well that when Billy undoubtedly comes running back to you, because he does, every single time without fail, you’ll blindly follow him right back into his arms - and right back into his bed.

It’s awful. You know that, no matter how much parts of you try to pretend otherwise. There’s no sugarcoating it, no justification for your actions that aren’t completely shallow and selfish. You just have to hope that one day, you’ll snap out of it. If Billy doesn’t choose you - accept you fully like the way you accepted him long ago - you like to think that one day, you’ll have the self-respect to leave and tell Sidney the truth. Hope she’d accept your shitty excuse of an apology. But as you lay here in this room right now, back arched and Billy in between your legs, you know that day won’t be any time soon.

⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹

#scream x reader #scream x you #billy loomis x reader #billy loomis #skeet ulrich #skeet ulrich x reader #scream 1996 #scream imagine #scream headcanons #fanfic #ghostface x reader #scream x yn #fanfiction #scream fanfic #Spotify

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animeficsworld · 1 month

Text

Two Devils

Denji x Reader

Summary: After the loss of your friend you had two main goals in life. Live the best life you can for the both of you and to have your sweet sweet revenge when the time comes. And the time did, just when you met a guy with a very special power.

Denji sat across you, you watched him, analyzed him in the silence of the room.

You could tell he was uncomfortable, it was very obvious from the way he sweat, avoided eye contact and looked around the room. But you just kept staring at him.

You really should have let him off the hook and looked away or said something but you didn't.

Not until a long time.

"How well do you know her?" you asked after what felt like an eternity to Denji.

"Huh? Who? Makima-san?" his eyes still not locking in with yours instead he just kept looking behind you, at the wall.

You just nodded once.

"Do you know her well enough to die for her?"

"I would die for her without question." he finally looked at you, into your eyes.

You smiled.

"You didn't answer my question."

"It doesn't matter for how long I have known her. I would die for her, no matter the question."

"You are good at avoiding core issues, I see." you let out a sigh and finally looked away from him and through the window. "She didn't want you to meet me, did she? Or was it Aki who warned you about me beforehand? Were you told that I would brainwash you or seduce you?"

You looked back at him and judging by the reaction, you got your answer.

"They say she is powerful. She doesn't live around here because she had some kind of... issue with Makima-san." Denji nodded at Aki's words.

"But what kind of issues?"

"They say... it was about a friend. Y/N is dangerous, she is beautiful and she will use it against you."

"Oh no! A pretty lady using her gorgeousness to seduce me!"

"Idiot!" Aki hit Denji on the head. "I'm serious. She is just... you will see. Just don't let her have her way with you."

"All because I am too powerful for her to kill." your words pulled Denji out of his daydream.

"What do you mean by that? Makima-san is the strongest."

"She is strong," you replied. "But you are not too far gone... not like Aki."

You moved to uncross your legs and smiled at him. "We will be good friends," you said, making sure to show him a nice view of your boobs.

The skin you were showing immediately caught his attention, just as you planned.

If Makima wanted the Chainsaw Devil, you would take it from her, like she took your friend from you.

Revenge will be sweet.

---

You began to like the fact that Denji seemed to grow on you.

Even if you would say he was an easy target for your plan, he made it easier by falling in love with you.

And if you were honest, you fell for him just as much.

Not for the Devil, but for him, Denji with his perverted ways and yet kind words.

You found a small apartment for the two of you. And now you were living there with him.

"I'm yours do whatever you want." he said and yet, it didn't feel right.

You didn't want to own him like the people in his past. You didn't want to be like that.

You were better.

And yet, you had a feeling that Denji was still not over Makima.

"Do you know what she did to me?"

You asked him after a meeting with everyone. You arrived home, tired as you plopped down on the couch.

Denji shook his head, no.

"She killed my friend. Makima wanted her soul so bad, she took her from me. My childhood friend." you looked at Denji with an expression he had never seen on you before, guilt. "I couldn't save her from Makima..."

"I'm sure there is more to the story... So, you swore revenge?"

"You promised your friend to live a full life, I promised mine the same. The bonus is if Makima suffers a little."

"Is that why you became interested in me?"

"At first, yes. But not anymore."

"I know your power... you fix what's broken... You fixed me." that wasn't your power, far from it, it was the human in you.

Your heart, which upon seeing him sleeping on the floor in the kitchen felt sorry for him.

The same heart that felt bad when he said he was hungry but had no money for food.

You and your stupid heart.

"I try." you simply replied.

"I believe you. You could have left me at any moment and yet you didn't. You are all I have." his voice sounded so desperate, that you wondered how many times he just shrugged his shoulders and moved on, even when it hurt the most.

Probably too many times.

"No Denji, you are all I have, and I'm scared someone will use it against me... just like before."

"I won't let them! We are unstoppable! We are too powerful! Two devils against the World." Two devils... you looked up at him from your hands and smiled. "There you are, my confident girlfriend. The one who owns me."

"You know, I think it is the other way around. You own my heart." your smiled turned into a rare one, one which was filled with joy, care and pure love.

It was a rare sight but Denji managed to see it more and more as time went on.

He moved closer to you, hugging you and kissing the top of your head and forehead, he moved you to cuddle to his side on the couch as he grabbed the remote.

"Revenge or not, brainwashing or not, I'm glad we found each other."

"I love you, Denji." you said as he watched the TV. You were sure he didn't hear you, but it was okay.

You showed him a new side of life. A side where he wasn't used by others, a side where he could be free and truly himself.

You showed him love and he taught you many things about yourself as well.

You smiled as one of his hands moved to your boobs.

Yup, no denying, this was your Denji.

#anime scenarios #anime fanfic #anime imagines #denji imagine #denji chainsaw man #denji imagines #chainsaw man denji #denji x reader #denji hayakawa #denji hayakawa x reader #denji hayakawa imagine #denji hayakawa imagines #denji hayakawa x you #denji hayakawa x fem reader #denji hayakawa x fem you #chainsaw man x reader #chainsawman x reader #chainsaw man imagine #chainsaw man

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koogl001 · 2 years

Note

So, I know this might sound super awkward, or maybe not, but can you please write a platonic yandere Alastor and reader. The reader could be a very close friend or even someone Alastor views as his child (and no they don't have to be related). I'm not super picky about this if you do write it. Thank you for reading this.

One-Shots and Headcanons Masterlist

Ever since you were a child, you used to play with the boy next doors

He was well behaved yet meek and seemed almost fragile

He always sported new bruises and cuts whenever you saw him but you never gave it too much thought, you were only 8 at the time after all

Your mothers, just like you, became very good friends so sleep overs was a monthly must, not that you complained

Alastor was always fun to hang out with

After the mysterious death of Alastor's father, the young lad started slowly emerging from his shell

He was more confident, daring and ready to take on the world

When both your and his parents passed, you decided to move together

It was easier that way and you could emotionally support the other when needed, not to mention you could talk to each other whenever you wanted

You soon became close and comfortable with each other enough, to consider the other family

You even started calling Alastor your big brother

It wasn’t long after your new living arrangements were agreed upon that you started noticing little unexplainable details

How he went out at outrageous hours during the night

How you never saw him come back

How he was often injured (though thankfully it was never anything serious)

How you suddenly had piles upon piles of meat which you never saw him buy

How he never allowed you into the basement, having secured it with three different locks to prevent you from going in

And so, one night you decided to secretly observe what he was up to

It was a mistake that cost you your life

When an armed man who was supposed to be Alastors next victim pointed his weapon at him, your body moved on its own to shield him

The next thing you knew, you woke up in a place with blood red sky

It took you several weeks, maybe even months to get accustomed to your new way of life

It wasn’t too bad

You found work at the Happy Hotel ran by the Princess of Hell as a receptionist

Charlie was a very friendly and kind soul

So was Vaggie, once she stopped being suspicious of you and accepting that you had no bad intentions

And Angel Dust, well he was a bundle of energy, always up and around

But something was not right, and it left you feeling hollow every night when you went to bed, missing your home and missing your brother

•❅─────────────────✧❅✦❅✧─────────────────❅•

“Hey Vaggie!”

Charlie exclaimed, running from the front door towards me, Angel and Vaggs as we were sitting on a couch in the hall.

“The Radio demon is at the door!”

She motioned with her hands and made an overly stretched smile appear on her face. One could tell simply from her eyes that she was nervous as all Hell. Whoever this Radio demon was, he must have been a frightening character.

“Well, don’t let him in!”

Charlie went back as her girlfriend explained to me and Angel who exactly they were talking, how he got the nickname and why he was so feared down here. Scary stuff, I tell you. It made me want to run up the stairs towards my room when I saw an outline of an unfamiliar demon walk inside. Vaggie quickly took her spear and decided to go help with whatever was happening. I decided to try distracting myself with talking to Angel who was slouching next to me, his head resting on my thighs. That is, until a strange shadowy figure pulled him down.

“(Y/N) my dearest, I finally found you!”

I turned around only to come face to face with a deer demon dressed all in red with cute little antlers on his head. His voice was staticky, yet strangely familiar despite the fact I was more than sure I’ve never seen him before.

“Uhm... Do I know you sir?”

The shadow disappeared along with the strange (satanic?) symbols that were floating around.

“My oh my, do you not recognise your beloved older brother?”

He inquired, bending forward so that he would be on the same eye level.

“I’m sorry for being so late, little dove. Finding the person who killed you and torturing him ever so slowly for hurting my precious little sister took much longer than I anticipated, but rest easy. I avenged you accordingly and now, with my power, I will protect you no matter what.”

I was embraced by the man, closing my eyes and letting tears of happiness for reuniting with Alastor trinkle down my cheeks.

“Big brother...”

You finally found the missing piece, or more so it found you. All you knew was that you were finally home.

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natjac · 7 months

Text

My entire life I’ve been forgotten. Being the closeted gay kid with only girl friends I didn’t get to go to the sleep overs and wasn’t invited to the parties cuz I was the quiet kid in the back. I had interests no one cared about when I talked to them or they would call me obsessed.

Adult life got easier. I made good friends but was still always felt like the plus one. Spending nights in country bars and other places where my friends met guys and I was their support cheering them on and protecting them but always alone after.

Guys treated me like shit when I would talk to them. Disrespectful, ghosting and putting me down to make themselves feel better.

Then I met you, and you did none of that. You listened to me, even with things you knew nothing about like when you saw my best friends had Pokémon types assigned to them in my phone and you went through all the types to pick yours out even though you knew nothing about Pokémon cuz of your religious parents.

Remember the map I made of all the meaningful places we had been to as a valentines present and I used all those bitmojis cuz that show you met me (you said my bitmoji on Snapchat was cute). Remember the home theatre we made at your apartment? Or when it snowed on campus and how pretty it was. Remember when we got our rescue do Brie?

Fixing my moms place after the contractors stole from her. Going to Del Rio and meeting your family. Your dad and mom both inviting me into their house to celebrate Christmas with them. Taking a secret Vegas vacation my sister and best friend payed for just so they could meet you. Remember when I would drive to Houston in summer with no ac just to have lunch with you during your internship? Remember all the amazing “alone” times we had? The things I could do that no one else could.

And so many more wonderful memories and moments.

You showed me love, affection, attention, and made me feel attractive for once in my life. You did so much good for me. You became my best friend and my boyfriend. And yea you messed up. A lot.

You cheated and I forgave you each time. I’d ask why and you wouldn’t give me anything but “i don’t know.” But those were a drop in the bucket compared to the good times. The laughs, the love.

I helped you through your mental illness, took you into the hospital and talked to your family when they thought I was just your roommate. Four times I did that. Never held it over your head but only wanted to help you. I moved from everyone I knew to be with you in North Carolina, to support and love you when you got into Duke. You said you wouldn’t get in but I knew you would. I never doubted.

At my sisters wedding you told my best friend you wanted to marry me. 5.5 years on my life all of the unfaltering love, dedication and sacrifice. All of it would have been more than worth it for a life time with you. That’s all I ever wanted.

A month later you told me you had cheated and didn’t think you could stop. You said it was something you needed to work on, on your own. With out me or anyone else. So we planned to break up. Maybe get back together after you grew. But we agreed I shouldn’t be in that pain anymore.

Then you got into a new relationship in less than 2 months. With a mutual friend that I was wary of your friendship with. And you spin the same story again. “I didn’t mean for it to happen. I don’t think the flirting and us texting till 4 am led to us getting together. You are just trying to make things fit in your narrative.” Even though you are supposed to be working on these issues on your own. That’s why we broke up right?

And after you guys got together and we were still trying to help me deal with the breakup the compassion and apologies changed to mean spirited comments and frustration. To the point of our friendship and all mutual friends with us had to be cut out. I lost all of them. Because you did wrong.

The worst part of this all though. You act like the last 5.5 years didn’t exist. You have no respect or compassion for what I did.

Because if you did I would get genuine apologies and answers for what you did. I wouldn’t have been forgotten about when you and your new boyfriend talked to our friends to make sure that they were ok with it and you hid it from me. You two apologized to them but not me. Neither of you are accepting or acknowledging that the flirting and shit led up to this. Or the lies you’ve told. Or possibly worse how you cared about others feelings but forgot about me.

And that’s my fault for believing that some measure of love you had for me would carry over. Or our friend and you to respect me and apologize for the months of flirting and pain you two caused me afterwards with the lies and backstabbing.

You will never understand what you did to me. To bring someone to such happiness and then utterly destroy them. To the point that I sit and wonder which parts of our relationship were real and which were fake.

I don’t know if I’ll ever stop caring and loving you. You became my best friend, and I lost both that and my boyfriend at once. And the loss of respect and care on your end… nothing I could have done would have prepared me for that.

Now I sit here every day, trying to move on. Trying to find a reason to keep going. With thoughts of ending my life bombarding me because if someone that I cared for and loved that much can so easily forget about me and erase me from his life like I was nothing. What am I doing here.

Anyway I’m going to therapy starting this week. I think it may help. I hope it does and I hope I find someone who will accept every good and bad part of me and will embrace them.

I don’t wish you ill will despite all of this. I want you to be happy and healthy.

But I know you will be haunted by us. Even if you act like you aren’t. Haunted by memories of what you threw away. For who you threw away. For the pain that you caused me.

And I hope I forget you. Because you have now tainted all the good times. I never thought that I would feel this way towards you. I know I never will forget you. But if there was an option to I would take it now.

Our relationship was to date my proudest accomplishment. But you are my greatest disappointment.

#boyfriends #gay #breakup #heartbroken #sorry for being depressing #trying to move on #lgtbqia+

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hearts4renaa · 10 months

Text

JUST FOR THE WEEKEND.

summary: visiting your first love from your hometown is always difficult, especially when you both know you won’t be around for long. featuring arataki itto, thoma, and kaveh.

contains: 1.9k words. hurt no comfort. childhood friends to almost lovers.

a/n: i quoted lyrics from tis the damn season by taylor swift :) this honestly hurt to write, as a girl who thinks about hometowns and nostalgia very often

Sleep in half the day, just for old times sake. I won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay.

“Y/N, I got you a farewell gift!” Itto calls out happily. The familiar voice is like music to your ears. Returning home after so long was always interesting; especially since your usual trips frequented less and less as the time went on. But either way, you would come and go. And every time, Itto would be there to greet you with a smile. Leaving your hometown was hard. Leaving him was worse. But a small town in Inazuma couldn’t bring your dreams to life. However, Mondstadt could.

Itto can’t help but feel helpless whenever you return, only for you to leave again. He wanted you to chase your dreams, but he’d just wish he’d be there for that too. Or maybe he wished you’d find a way to stay. No matter what, Itto was there, and your feelings for each other were too. But he knew you’d eventually leave - who was he to hold you back? He remembers the last night before you left. Hushed whispers and pinky promises under the stars, making you swear to visit him as much as you could. “Of course I will, you’re my best friend.” was your response. The two of you knew it was more than that, but speaking up wouldn’t have made the goodbye easier.

You smile at Itto’s enthusiasm. “Oh yeah?” Your voice has a teasing edge.

He grins back, pulling out a small gift box from behind his back. He plops himself next to you, handing you the box. You open it with a screen-worthy smile, gently pulling out the necklace inside. The chain glimmered under the sunset, the pendant shimmering in the dim light. You look closely at the engraved words. “For old times sake.” it read. You feel your eyes sting with tears, facing away from him. You blink rapidly to hold them back, clutching the necklace. “Thank you, Itto.” You choke out. Your back faces him, but you can feel the melancholy coming from his form. Silence emerges between the two of you, apart from your slight sniffles.

“…Did you ever wish you never left?” Itto’s mood is a complete 180. The two of you were now back to back, unable to see the other’s expression.

“What do you mean?” Your voice is quiet. You know damn well what he meant.

“Like, Inazuma.” He says. “Did you ever regret moving away from here? From…” He hesitates for a moment. “…From me? Or us, if we ever even had something like that.”

Your breath hitches in your throat. Of course you regret it. How could you not? Sure, your career might be booming in Mondstadt, but what’s the point of stability with no satisfaction? With no him? Leaving all you had ever known and loved for an opportunity in Mondstadt. Besides, even if things became official, who said you guys would last? You knew you’d be busy. You couldn’t have been there for him like a proper partner. If you could go back in time, you’d turn down every opportunity if it meant you could be next to him. With him. But you couldn’t dump all of that on him now.

He sighed, taking your silence as an answer. You’ve never heard him so dejected before. “It’s okay. I hope Mondstadt is doing you well.” You feel the tears begin to build up again, but you can’t stop them this time. They fall freely, like rain in the night sky. He begins to speak again. “I think we could’ve worked out, you know.”

But that’s what stings the most. He was there. In some other universe, the two of you were happy, the whole time.

So I’ll go back to L.A, and the so-called friends who’ll write books about me if I ever make it. And wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I’m faking.

Thoma’s arms are locked around you, caging you in as if you’d disappear forever if he dared to loosen his grip. His bedroom is silent, save for the occasional hitched breath or soft sniffle. It was your first visit to Inazuma ever since the Vision Hunt was over, and Inazuma was open again. You left not long before the initial shutdown, and you were unable to return home, finding refuge in Liyue instead. You rebuilt your life in the land of Geo, becoming a successful writer. Liyue became your home, and your time in Inazuma slowly faded from memory. But there was one thing about Inazuma that you would never forget; Thoma. How could you forget him, your first everything. Your first kiss, your first date, the first boy to give you flowers.

Above all, he was also your first heartbreak. The pain of being away from him felt like your heart was being ripped out of your chest. But as time went on, you learned to live apart. You learned to be away from him, but being in his arms again makes you feel like you’re right back at square one.

“I have to go, Thoma.” You whisper. “I have to get back home.”

“You are home.” He chuckles lightly. “This is our home.” He gestures to the space around the two of you.

You sigh shakily. “No, Thoma,” You try to get the words out. “Liyue. I need to get back to my home in Liyue.” Your eyes refuse to meet his own.

His heart shatters in an instant as the realization hits him like a boulder. This isn’t your home anymore. He wasn’t your home anymore. To Thoma, nothing screams home more than you did. Your hair, your scent, your touch. Everything about you felt like home. You were his home, but he wasn’t yours anymore. His hold on you loosens.

“Right.” He murmurs. His arms drop slightly, but they’re still wrapped around you. “Liyue.”

You reach over to remove his hands from your frame, gently grasping his wrists. Once you’re fully out of his grip, you take a step back. The space between the two of you feels like the ocean separating your respective nations. Your respective homes. The silence is deafening. Your eyes direct themselves to the floor.

“I really think you’ll change the world someday, just like you dreamed of.” His comment is sudden, but the solemn edge to his voice makes it obvious that he’s been thinking about it for a while. You glance over at him. His eyes are downcast, deep in thought. “And I’ll cheer you on the entire time.”

That comment floored you. Your tears ran freely across your cheeks, creating rivers of salt. “Thank you…” Were the only words you could choke out. The two of you sat in silence for a while, but the setting sun told you that it was over. It’s time to go.

You make your way to his door, and he seems to catch on, following behind you. “Think of me while you make history, okay?” He lets out a sad laugh. You turn to face him one last time. A wry smile etched itself onto his face. You hug him one last time. You hug him so tightly it almost seems like you’re trying to commit his body to memory. He squeezes back. His lips brush against your ear.

“Have a safe trip home.”

And the heart I know I’m breaking is my own. To leave the warmest bed I’ve ever known.

“The Akademiya is running wild over Y/N’s return.” Alhaitham mumbled, flipping the page of his book. Kaveh freezes for a moment. The pair were in the Akademiya library, each doing a personal activity. Kaveh sets his pen down, rolling up his latest project without a word. Alhaitham’s eyes look up from his book, veiled sympathy in his look. “Do you think you’ll greet them?”

Kaveh sighs softly. “I don’t know. It’s been a while.” And he was right. It’s been over a year since you graduated from the Akademiya. Beloved and idolized by so many scholars, you made the choice to leave Sumeru in hopes of traveling the world. You made the choice to leave him. Kaveh, your childhood best friend, the boy next door. The boy who saw all your worst times. The boy who cushioned every fall and lifted you up again. The boy who adored you, but was far too afraid to bring it up. The boy who loved you endlessly, even as he watched you leave, unknowing that you felt the same.

He doesn’t even get the time to fully ponder Alhaitham’s question before he notices a figure begin to near in the corner of his eye. “Kaveh,” A voice says. He didn’t need to fully look up to know it was you. Alhaitham’s eyes flicker between the two of you before he ultimately decides to take his leave, muttering a quick goodbye. Having no choice but to face you, he turns his head to look up at you from his seated position.

“Hey.” His voice is meek, as if he was afraid to overstep. You notice his awkwardness, deciding to take the seat across from him. The silence is almost painful. Anyone could tell that the tension between the two of you was so thick it could’ve been cut with a blade. “How Liyue?” He asks, finally mustering the courage.

You hum, grateful for the long awaited conversation prompt. “It’s pretty great. I got to learn a lot of things.” He sees the way your eyes have a certain shine when talking about this foreign region. It stings him to see how he used to see that shine in your eyes back in your Akademiya days. Back when you weren’t so far away. You smile softly as you retell a brief recap of your Liyue adventures.

“I’m glad.” He says. “I’m happy that you got to do what you dreamed of.” His timid smile throws you off, and you realize that the once lived familiarity between the two of you is long gone. And you know that things like that can’t just snap back after a year of each other’s absence. The silence returns. You feel as if you’re suffocating.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” You whisper.

He flinches. “Tell you what?” He’s nervous, and you can tell by the way his eyes dart back and forth anxiously.

“That you loved me.” Your eyes are like storms as you look at him. Not the thunder bringing storms, but the kind with the heavy rain where the ‘pitter-patter’ keeps you up all night. He was taken aback. Was he that obvious? Were you really able to tell? “I already know, Kaveh.” A sad smile etches itself onto your face.

“Yeah, I did.” He finally responds. You’re the one who flinches this time. Not because he admitted to it with little to no resistance, but because of his choice of words. Did. Not that he does. Past tense, did. He did love you. He loved you in the past, but he doesn’t right now. You freeze up, immediately going silent.

He takes note of your discomfort and stands up, beginning to pack up his things. “Sorry, Y/N.” He apologizes. “I have… some things to work on.” You’re silent the entire time. He carries his things into his arms before looking back down at your sitting form. He opens his mouth to speak once more. He hesitates. His mouth closes. He turns around without a word, his figure slowly but surely disappearing from your line of vision.

You sit and watch him leave, the same way he did for you.

#genshin #genshin impact #thoma x reader #itto x reader #kaveh x reader #aratako itto x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin angst #genshin x reader #genshin imagines

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black-lake · 1 month

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2nd house profection year

it’s my 2nd house profection year and I’m noticing some changes in my life. < my 2nd house is in cancer for ref.

~༯ I’m eating more this year than ever tbh. like I started having comfort food!!! eating whatever I want whenever and not holding myself back as much, which is very unlike me btw. I have a virgo moon and I’m not just nitpicky but also strict with my diet, even tho I have a fast metabolism (aries stellium).

~༯ usually when I’m stressed I tend to starve myself or get over caffeinated but this year I’m leaning more towards eating for comfort < yes taurus core.

~༯ I started going to the gym again but I’d slack off and become uninterested and bored, then find it interesting again, but that could just be my gem rising.

~༯ It seems like life is more abundant. things come easier! there's less resistance. I’m able to slow down and smell the roses.. 𓇢𓆸 I even feel a bit too comfortable or stuck in my comfort zone. everything seems like it’s too much and I just want to enjoy life. ˖ ݁𖥔 ݁˖

~༯ I started buying flowers, planting flowers, decorating my house a lot more, got more perfumes, more beautiful things. currently as we speaking I have like 10 different types of flowers in my house. I started cooking more, I even made up recipes that my family liked and started making them regularly.

~༯ I’m taking care of my skin, my body, and overall health. I'm investing more in skincare and health supplements. though sometimes I overdue it, like get fixated on one thing or another.

~༯ I'm someone that used to have high energy, I'd pull an all nighter or just wake up at 3am scroll non stop or put music on, it wasn’t energy it was ⋆˙⟡ anxiety ⟡⋆˙ , but I'm having more quality sleep this year! I'm in bed by 10 and maybe I just got older, but there's that.

~༯ giving my hair a well deserved break!! I used do dye my hair very often, this year I got a short haircut and I’m growing my natural hair back, I’ve only added a few subtle highlights and I don’t style it as often. I'm embracing more simplicity with my style, though could be that my ass got lazy 𐙚(ᵕ̤ᴗᵕ̤)

~༯ I'm planing more, working on my skills and hobbies, but not rushing or forcing things and not setting high expectations either. I don't feel like there's a rush like before. my values are changing significantly, I know what I like and don’t like and what I can put up with.

~༯ don't get too comfortable and not do anything about moving forward bcz you will be tempted to. remember to still challenge yourself!

~༯ I’m having a relatively comfortable year it got me having flashbacks of my 12th house profection year which was a fckin nightmare. It was all about the subconscious, mental health struggles, depression and overcoming these things. It really was about coming up with personified methods that help me deal with these internal conflict so I can move forward. It also was the year I became more spiritual.

~༯ my 1st house profection year wasn’t good either for me personally, it was super challenging and chaotic. it had me doing things outside my comfort zone. e.g. throwing myself in the ocean (i'm afraid of drowning). my individuality was constantly tested, my determination, my willingness to put myself first and not compromise my own needs and values.

~༯ there were instances where I felt like I'm compromising for the sake of keeping a friendship, which wasn’t reciprocated. I learned to not be afraid to walk away from ppl and places that don’t respect or value me. my cut off game wasn't particularly bad before, but I felt blinded, manipulated and pressured that year, I had to fully trust myself and only rely on myself. very much aries themes.

~༯ If you're going thRU it with your 12th or 1st house profection, know that it will teach you valuable lessons that lead you to know yourself and love yourself more. you will understand your triggers, your strengths, know who your enemies and true friends are. it gets better! this feels like the perfect year to take a break from all the past challenges that I went through, I'm able to slow down, enjoy life and reflect until I see where the next tides takes me.

stay blessed, much luv <333

#12th house #profection years #annual profections #1st house #2nd house #2nd house profection #12th house profection #1st house profection #solar return #astrology #taurus #aries #profection year

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corazondebeskar-reads · 5 months

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well it's love, make it hurt - chapter seventeen

well it's love, make it hurt series

seventeen: it's you I can't deny

series masterlist | prev chapter | epilogue

dom!Din Djarin x sub!f!reader

Words: 4.7k

Summary: You and Din learn to know each other again.

Warnings: bdsm, d/s dynamics, enthusiastic consent, preestablished safeword etc, dom!din djarin x sub!reader, soft din djarin, din djarin is a good dad, long distance relationship, vaginal sex, oral (m & f receiving), communication, angst, major life decisions, author plays god with the timelines (sorry), canon adjacent?, canon divergence?, no use of y/n

a/n: my friends, this is the end. the epilogue will be posted on December 18.

i love you, and thank you for spending time with these two. it means more to me than you'll ever know.

also um just bear with me about what I've done to the canon timeline. it's only a little wonky.

also on ao3

dividers by @saradika-graphics

9 ABY - Fall

Despite his intentions, you don’t talk every day. It’s just not feasible. And maybe nights pass when you’re already asleep when he calls, but if it happens, he doesn’t mention it. You think he’s still afraid to scare you.

What scares you is how much you wouldn’t mind, and even that isn’t so frightening these days. This is easy, far easier than having to be stuck in hyperspace while you learn how to know him again.

When you ask him to tell you the story of how the kid became more than a bounty, you can hear the smile in his agreement. Can hear how glad he is that you want to talk to him, that you want to know.

He tells you the whole thing, and another night, he tells you about the Purge.

You didn’t ask about that one, could never have. It’s an awful, agonizing story, and it leaves you raw. But it feels important that he shared it with you, allowed you to take on some of his pain, and bear witness to his sorrow.

One night, after a few of radio silence, he calls to tell you he’s in a town on Tatooine. There’s a sick anger in his voice as he describes the man who was not a Mandalorian and the agreement they made.

“Should have just killed him and taken it,” you grumble.

“I think he might be a good man,” Din admits.

It’s high praise, you think, coming from him. He might be the only good man you’ve ever met.

He promises to call after, and you don’t worry, even when several days go by.

You don’t.

The way your body feels warm for the first time in days when he finally calls has nothing to do with it.

You roll your eyes at his story, of how Vanth almost ruined the whole thing by refusing the Tuskens’ drink, of how he blows off defeating a krayt dragon as something simple. It surely wouldn’t have been without him, from the sounds of it.

Later, when he tells you the full story, you take back all of the compliments you had given his strategy and competency. (But you forgive him. He wasn’t wrong, really. You weren’t ready to hear it then.)

9 ABY - Winter

You tell him the things you held close before. The things you kept stitched up, that you thought would make you more of a person than an idea, if he knew them.

Some of them were the building blocks you knew would betray you—the day your parents died. The first time you sucked cock for food. Your first kill.

Stories you’d never shared and tried your best to forget.

Moreso, though, you try to share the little things. The things that you wouldn’t have had to share before when you lived your days side by side.

You bitch about bounties.

You gossip about your neighbor Moshi’s on-again-off-again relationship with the Rodian couple down the street (they’re on again right now—you know because you get a lot less sleep lately).

You tell him how you went to the market for new shoes and came back with a little gorg-shaped instrument that makes croaking sounds for the kid instead.

(“How loud is it?” he asks, with no small amount of apprehension. “Loud,” you tell him with a grin.)

He sulks a little the next time he calls. He wanted to see you before moving on, but the next lead was time-sensitive and drawn out.

“That’s too bad,” you say, voice soft and low.

“Yeah? Why’s that?” He almost restrains the hope in his voice.

You’d laugh, but you’re honestly a little nervous. But it’s easier to say this than any of the other things haunting your mind during those sleepless nights. “Oh, I don’t know. Been thinking a lot about having your cock in my mouth again.”

There’s a strangled groan from the other side of the comm. “Cyar’ika,” he warns.

“You don’t want me to get on my knees for you?”

“I do, but I can’t talk about this right now.”

“You don’t have to talk,” you say. “You can just listen.”

In the end, he has to lock himself in the fresher. When he can’t help but cum, you think you might understand why he likes to have power over you.

He does promise to get you back for it, though. If it’s supposed to be a threat, it’s not a very effective one.

But Din being Din, he throws you off balance. “Don’t you dare touch yourself until I get there,” he says after. “If—if that’s still alright.”

A shudder runs through you. “Yes, sir,” you whisper. It aches in your throat on the way out, but you’re not afraid.

He means to tease you next time. Instead, you know something’s wrong as soon as he calls.

He deflects. He’s not ready to think about it, about Bo-Katan Kryze and what she had said about his people. You let him change the subject without pushing it, but he knows you’re not happy about it.

And he knows that not knowing will be worse for you. That you’ll think he just doesn’t want to talk to you. That you’ll simply shut him back out.

So he tells you. He tells you how angry he is at them for their disrespect. “It’s got to do with why our people were so divided before,” he admits. “I can accept that they have different beliefs about what it means to be a Mandalorian. But—”

“But they didn’t have to be such bitches about it! She straight up said ‘cult’?”

He laughs. Your righteous indignance soothes his anger. “You going to fight her for me, sweetheart?”

“What, you don’t think I could take her?”

“Well, she’s got head-to-toe beskar.”

“But she takes the helmet off, so all ll I have to do is punch her in the face.”

He can’t help but laugh again, grinning foolishly in the empty hull of the Crest.

“You know, you’re being pretty rude to someone ready to fight a trained warrior for disrespecting you.”

“I’m not. I just—thank you.”

“You’ve lost it.” You roll your eyes when he just laughs again.

“I might have,” he admits when he’s settled down. It wasn’t really funny, after all. But the abrupt switch from betrayed fury to the overwhelming affection made him feel happier than he had in a long time.

“Hey,” he says, suddenly soft and serious.

“What?”

“I miss you.” It was the first time he had said anything of the sort on these calls. But the danger of setting off your alarms, of causing you to run, seemed so much less these days.

You’re quiet for a moment. You let the feeling sink in and breathe through it. It’s okay, you remind yourself, it’s not a dangerous thing. He’s not asking you to run away with him.

He’s not asking you for anything.

“Yeah, I miss you, too,” you say. You’re quiet, like it’s a secret, and you guess it kind of was. A secret you’ve spilled now, and can’t just wash away.

He doesn’t know what to say. He said it because he wanted you to hear it, not because he ever imagined you’d admit it, too.

But he doesn’t have to figure it out. You surprise him again, and ask, “How far is Corvus?”

“From Batuu? I’m not sure. I’ll look it up later.”

“No, I meant from you, like how long until you get there.”

“Sweetheart, I’m not going there first. I’m coming to you.”

“Are you sure? Don’t delay your mission just because I—”

“I’m not delaying it because you miss me. I’m delaying it because there’s time and I miss you. The nav was set before I called.”

You meet him at the docking bay. Well, you time your dinner around his estimated arrival, but it’s basically the same thing. A compromise you made with yourself.

Rather than waiting there, feeling stupid in public, or waiting in your apartment, still feeling stupid but alone, you’d just get something to eat. Still, you can’t help but watch out for the Crest on the horizon. When you spot it, the nausea you’ve been fighting in the four days since he told you he was coming returns tenfold.

It doesn’t take him long to find you, sliding into the seat beside you. It’s all very smooth, the way he wraps an arm around your waist and presses his helmet briefly to your forehead.

You flush and try to focus on your tip yip and grains.

“You know,” he says, letting you go so you can eat. “If you want to fight people for disrespecting me, start with the di’kut trying to pass that stew off as Mandalorian. It’s a joke.”

You cover your mouth when you laugh so you don’t drop rice all over. “Oh, I know. I told him there was no way it was really Mandalorian. It was edible. My face didn’t even come close to melting off.”

He shakes his head, bumping his shoulder against yours. “It’s not my fault you can’t handle it.”

“Maybe you’re just a bad cook.”

“You never complained about anything else I made.”

“Well, yeah, almost anything’s better than ration packs.”

“It’s supposed to hurt,” he insists. “That’s what makes it tiingilar. It can’t be called tiingilar if it doesn’t make your sinuses burn.”

You grin up at him, eyes bright, before the look falls abruptly off your face, and you turn back to your food.

He’s not sure what he’s done.

But you take a minute, take a breath, and swallow down the terror. “Sorry, I got a little overwhelmed. It’s still weird, you know. To see you,” is what you finally say.

“It’s okay.”

From anyone else, you’d bristle at the platitude, but from Din… well, you know he means it. It really is just okay. You set down your spork. “He asleep?” You nod at the closed pram.

“Yeah, just fell asleep before we landed. Should be out for a while.”

Another grin creeps across your face, sly and pleased. “So, we’ve got a few hours?”

His fingers twitch into fists for a moment. “You, um. Are you done eating?”

You laugh, standing up and closing the lid of the takeout box. By the time he stands, you’re walking down the road. “You coming or what?”

He catches up with you easily, the pram trailing silently behind. “You first,” he promises, taking your free hand in his.

After he parks the pram in the living room, he stops and studies you, head tilted. “We don’t have to,” he starts. “I didn’t—I want to spend time with you, it doesn’t—”

“Din,” your voice is soft as you approach him, winding your arms around his neck. “I don’t think you’ve been talking to me practically every night for months, all just to get your dick wet.”

“I don’t want to screw this up.”

You don’t know what to say, so you pull down on his neck until he leans forward. You press your forehead to his helmet.

His hands find your waist and hold tight. For a moment, you find peace in the solidity of him after only having his voice for so long.

His embrace feels like coming home.

After several reassurances that yes, you did want this, he finally beckoned you to your bedroom without a sound. You found yourself knelt between his thighs at the end of the bed, moving on instinct with him and reading his intent in the line of his body.

“Open,” he says, voice soft but firm.

You obey. The command has you a little dizzy, and how is this so easy? So easy to slip right back into your place at his feet, so easy to just listen.

“Oh, cyar’ika,” he lifts your chin with two gloved fingers, “You want to be so good for me, don’t you?” He’s close enough like this that you can hear the way he croons, voice velvet beneath the crackle of the helmet.

You give a small nod, not wanting to knock his hand away. He rewards you by sliding it up to cup your cheek in his palm. You waver, but don’t melt completely, not yet.

“I know,” he says, running his thumb over your tongue. The glove is rough and metallic, and you whimper with the effort of keeping your jaw stretched open, aching to take whatever he’ll let you. He chuckles, shoving it further into your mouth.

“Go on then,” he says with a slight tip of his helmet. Immediately, you wrap your lips around his thumb, gently licking and sucking on the coarse tip, pushing it deeper so you can reach the leather at his knuckle.

“That’s it. You feel better already?”

You groan around your mouthful, eyes falling shut. He shifts his grip on your chin to the other hand in order to thrust the digit deeper, brushing against the roof of your mouth. It tickles in the worst way, and you attempt to choke down the cough by swallowing more of him. He pulls his thumb from your mouth.

Your heart sinks, but the whine that sneaks out is muffled by two long fingers, two long, bare fingers that are unceremoniously shoved down your throat. He curls them a little, pressing down on the back of your tongue, and lets out a soft groan when you fight the urge to gag by swallowing hard, the soft walls clenching around his fingers.

“There you go,” he whispers, bringing the other hand—now also bared—to hold the side of your face. Between the feeling of his skin against your cheek and the salty taste of his fingers on your tongue, you don’t even notice as you start to slip. Eyes fluttering shut. Drool leaking between his fingers from your stretched lips. He continues to murmur, but you hear little beyond the rumble of his voice.

He taps his hand lightly against your cheek, just firm enough to be on the sharp side. You blink, taking in the way he’s leaning back, head cocked to the side. He pulls the fingers out of your mouth and just sits there for a second.

Oh kriff. He asked you something. “Um,” and your voice creaks a little, “what?”

He shakes his head, neither cruel nor dismissive. “Cyar’ika,” the baritone is a notch lower, “I need you to stay with me for now.” His thumb rubs circles on your cheek. “I’ll help you down when we’re ready.”

“Okay,” you say, little more than a whisper.

“What do you say?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Good girl.” His cock throbs a little when a shudder runs through you at the praise.

He can’t wait any longer. He doesn’t think you can, either. You're staring at the line of his cock through his flightsuit.

Despite his urgency, he moves slowly, making sure you’re following his hands as they rub over his length through the fabric. He chokes back a moan and is rewarded for his silence by hearing yours.

Your mouth is still open. Waiting. Your hands are on your knees, fingernails digging in through your trousers.

He pulls his cock out, and you whimper, but don’t falter. “Look at you,” he murmurs, holding himself in one hand and your chin in the other.

He doesn’t make you wait longer, can’t. He holds you in place, groaning as he settles himself on your tongue.

You moan at the taste, and he takes the opportunity to grab your hair and thrust in. You gag but don’t tap out, instead pushing forward to take him deeper.

“Fuck,” he moans, already panting with the effort to hold back. He tries to hold still, to let you take what you need from him. He can feel the way you’re still trying to pay penance for a sin he doesn’t think you’ve committed. He doesn’t like it, but it’s less desperate than when you begged him to hurt you for it, so he lets you offer yourself this way. It’s safer, controlled.

And he can’t say he’s not enjoying being the focus of your worship.

You think fleetingly of him asking you to stay present, and grab at his hand while you drool around his cock. With his fingers in your grasp, you tug a little and whine, throat fluttering around him.

“Go ahead, ner kar’ta,” he says, clasping your hand in his and stroking the other through your hair. “I’ve got you.”

So when you start feeling like you’ll float away, you let it happen. Your mind quiets in the way only he has ever helped you achieve, and with his hands tethering you, you give yourself to him completely.

He fucks into your mouth roughly, now. You take everything he gives, and more, still licking and sucking when he allows. When he abruptly pulls out, you whine but don’t move, swaying a little where you kneel, eyes closed.

“Up, cyar’ika,” he says, and helps you climb onto the bed. You peer up at him as he arranges you how he wants, arms above your head with your hands clasped, knees bent and spread wide at the end of the mattress.

He turns the light off.

“Oh, fuck,” you whisper.

The hiss of his helmet follows. Your window is closed, curtains drawn, and no light sneaks into the room. His hands find your thighs and squeeze, reassuring you of his closeness, and giving you warning as he sinks to his knees and licks from your cunt to your clit with no hesitation.

His hands slide down to hold you open, and it doesn’t take long before you’re begging. You had already been soaked from sucking his cock, anyway.

He pulls back minutely. “I don’t know, cyare, you weren’t very nice, teasing me the other night.”

“Please, sir, I’m sorry,” you cry.

His thumb flicks at your clit. “I’m just teasing you, pretty girl. Cum all you want tonight. I’ve got five years' worth to collect.”

And who the fuck just says things like that? But you don’t consider it long, because the second his tongue is back on you, you cum, crying his name.

It sounds just as irresistible as he imagined. He’s already starving, but it makes him ravenous.

He pulls two more orgasms from you before he stands up and sheathes his cock in your warm cunt, swearing as you bear down around him, pulling him in.

“Such a good girl,” he bends over you, your legs around his waist, and presses his lips to every inch of your skin that he can reach. His teeth catch on the line of your neck and the curve of your breast before capturing your bottom lip, pulling you open for him to push inside your mouth. He consumes without restraint, gorging himself on your moans and cries.

When he buries himself as deep as possible and cums, you join him, enveloping him in the heat of your release. He stays rooted inside you, looming over you, as you shake and start to cry.

It’s wrong, though.

It doesn’t feel like the way you used to crack open under his fingers and let him carve out all your distress. It’s not a burst of catharsis or a moment of blossoming under the deluge.

“Cyar’ika,” he cups your cheek. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry,” you plead between sobs that wrack your whole body. “I’m sorry. I thought I could do this, but I can’t.”

He carefully extracts himself and lays beside you, gathering you into his chest. “It’s okay. I understand,” he says, even though he thinks maybe something inside him isn’t going to survive this.

You don’t hold him back, arms folded into the space between you. But you do bury your face into him and sob until you can breathe again.

“Din,” you whimper. “I’m so sorry.”

“Can you tell me why?” he asks. He presses a kiss into your hair, though he knows he shouldn’t, not now.

You let out a shaky sigh that threatens to crack into a new round of cries. You shouldn’t let him; you should stop him, but the sobs get stuck in your throat and fade when he kisses you.

It gives you the nerve to speak. “I love you.”

He freezes, baffled. “What?”

“I love you, Din. I thought I could ignore everything and be happy with whatever you could give me, but I can’t do it again. I can’t.” You also can’t stop talking, now that you’re finally admitting it all to him and to yourself. “There’s no place for me in your life, and I just. I’m not doing that to myself. I can’t watch you leave again.”

“So come with me,” he whispers, both your hands clasped in his. It’s still flawlessly dark, but he has his sweaty forehead against yours, and you can feel the curve of his nose with your own. He steals a kiss. “Please, cyare.”

“My whole life is here,” you tell him again, but it feels like a lie with the way your lips chase his for more. Your apartment is here. Your possessions are here. But there wasn’t anything you couldn’t walk away from. That wasn’t really the issue.

“So keep it. Keep the apartment, the connections. We’ll come back after.”

“Din, I—” you try again. The words are scrambling to leave you, only restrained by the horrible anxiety of having to hear the truth spoken aloud.

“Tell me exactly what you’re afraid of, cyare. I can help. We’ve always been stronger together.”

“What happens after?”

“After what?”

“I don’t know. After. When you go home, and I can’t go with you. I can’t do the same thing again, Din; I’m not made for it. Not for what you’re asking me to give in between.” It wouldn’t—couldn’t be casual, this time. Not with the way his love for you has survived the last five years. And if you’re really honest, not with the way your love for him has survived, too.

It’s a petrifying thought. Except it isn’t quite. Not anymore. Maybe it’s why you’re confident in these boundaries, ready to admit you aren’t capable of the same untethered companionship. You’ve loved and lost him enough to know it has to be all or nothing.

And he can’t give you all. So it has to be nothing.

His shaky breath floods across your lips. “What if you could go with me?”

You sit back a little, but don’t pull your hands from his. His thumb is tapping against your knuckle. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t want you to think I’m putting any pressure on you. I just want to—it’s just an option, okay?”

“What’s an option, Din? You’re making me nervous.”

He takes another deep breath with a slow exhale. “I think I’ve told you before, but being a Mandalorian is a Creed. A choice. There are no rules about who can or can’t swear it, as long as they’re committed.” He pauses, and when you don’t react, he adds, “and you can walk away at any time. It doesn’t have to be until death. You just can’t come back if you leave.”

You do let go of his hands, now. Not because you’re pulling away from him, but because what you think he’s trying to say is overwhelming. You bury your face in your palms and try to parse his words.

“I’m sorry, that’s—I shouldn’t ask that much of you.”

You put a finger up and remember that he can’t really see. “Shh, just give me a second, okay?”

You mull the concept around. It seems like such a monumental thought, an idea of incredible ridiculousness.

But really, what would change about your life? You would hunt. You would carry a small arsenal of weapons.

What would you lose? The ability to show your face?

It meant nothing in comparison to what you could gain.

“What if I went through everything, and then you decide you don’t want me?”

“That won’t happen.”

“Din. I’m serious.”

“So am I.”

“No, ugh,” you grind your teeth. “I need to know, realistically.”

“Realistically? Then when you kick my ass for it, you’ll be in full beskar, and it’ll be a fair fight.”

You can’t help but laugh, even if it's a weak, shaky thing stolen from your breath.

“Cyar’ika. I have no intention of being apart from you if I can help it. But I promise that if something were to happen, there would still be a place for you with the Mandalorians. We don’t abandon our own.”

It doesn’t quite compute. He knows that. Knows the way that even before your parents died, there was no one else. Everyone always willing to cut you open and take. But, if you do this, you’ll learn.

And he wants so badly to give that to you. A family. One way or another.

He takes advantage of your silence, rolling onto his back and pulling you against him, tucked into his arm, where you should be. He kisses your hair and rubs a hand over your back, nails gliding gently over your shoulder blades. Every touch you let him steal while you think over his proposition gives him hope.

You’re not running. Not yet.

Maybe not ever.

But you don’t answer him that night. Instead, you let yourself be lulled to sleep by his warm body and soothing motions. He takes it as a good sign when you drift off.

The kid wakes first in the morning. It’s for the best, since he forgot to put his helmet back on when he fell asleep. Din regretfully slips out of bed, tucking you in. He helps himself to your kitchen and starts a pot of caf before working up a breakfast.

He’s frying eggs when he hears you up and moving around the bedroom. He keeps to his cooking, trying to temper his expectations by reminding himself that you very well may slip out the window.

But you don’t. You come out of the bedroom and sit on one of the metal stools tucked under your countertop.

“Good morning, cutie,” you say to the baby, who is sitting in your sink with the faucet running, filling a bowl, and dumping it out over and over. The drain is open, making sure no water accumulates, and he seems fascinated by the flow. He abandons it, however, when he sees you, cooing and reaching his hands out to you.

“I don’t know, buddy; let me grab a towel first.”

Din tosses you one from your drawer without breaking away from his task.

“Look at that,” you tell the baby. “Like magic.”

Din snorts under the helmet. If only you knew.

Actually, he thinks, he should probably tell you.

But later. When he’s not struggling to keep focus, pretending like his hands aren’t shaking, like he’s not waiting while you hold his heart in your palms and decide what to do with it.

While you dry the kid off and let him climb on your shoulders and head, he plates the meal, setting his own aside.

The kid lunges for the plate, but you catch him. “No way, it’s still hot. Be patient,” you tell him.

Din catches himself staring right as you do.

“What?” you say.

“Nothing,” he shakes his head and pries the kid off you, untangling his little claws from your sleep-addled braid so you can eat in peace.

You thank him quietly when he sets the plate in front of you, and you start to eat, though you mostly just push the food around with your fork.

“Did you mean it?” you ask finally.

“Completely.” His voice is thick and heavy with hope.

“You want me to become a Mandalorian.”

It’s not a question, but he answers it anyway. “Yes. I want you to come home with me. I want to be by your side, always, if you’ll have me.”

You hum, falling back into thought, and eat your breakfast. When you’ve finished, you push the plate away and stand up. “I’m going to get dressed. Let me know when you’re done eating.”

He knocks on your door ten minutes later, having taken an extra few minutes to wash the dishes. When you open it, you’re in one of your go-to hunting outfits, and your pack is strapped to your back.

“Okay. Let’s go.”

“Are you sure?”

“Completely. Take me home, Din.”

*title from "My Blue Heaven" by Taking Back Sunday

#din djarin x reader #the mandalorian x reader #mando x reader #the mandalorian fic #din djarin x f!reader #din djarin x you #mando x you #the mandalorian x you #the mandalorian smut #dom din djarin #make it hurt verse

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star-girl69 · 1 year

Text

Ember in Your Hands

Jake Sully x Neytiri x Fem!Reader

—-

a/n: let’s pretend that i published this on time! i hope you all enjoy!!

warnings: mentions of knives, mentions of blood, crying, fire, tell me if i missed anything!!

Chapter Eight- Leave Me

—-

Jake calls giving up his title “stones in his heart.”

It feels like your entire world is crashing down in front of you, like your voice is hoarse and raw from screaming, pleading, but it won’t stop falling. You’re trapped under the horror of it, debris hitting you and smoke filling your nose.

This leaving is a like a fire. And when Tarsem brings his blade down on Jake’s chest, you feel your own mark open up on your heart.

The People part a path for you, and Mo’at presses a hand to your face before turning away. Neytiri cries while she walks, wrapped in a sort of purple cardigan, holding Tuk’s hand.

Tuk looks around as if to memorize every part of the forest, commit it to memory, because she knows she wont ever see it again. The forest was your mother when you had no mother. You will have nothing but the ocean now, and you feel sick at the thought of betraying all you have known.

Grace is here, in the woods, and your parents are here too. They are in Eywa, in the world, metaphysical and beautiful.

They are in the forest, not the sea, not where you are going.

The Metkayina have had much less contact with humans, and you doubt their welcome will be kind. But, where else do you have to go?

Jake is right, as much as you don’t want him to be.

Quaritch will hunt you all down, and you cannot let that happen, for the sake of your family.

You look over your shoulder, your ikran breathing beneath you in a way that is so distinctly home- it calms your heart. You hope this will get easier, moment by moment, bit by bit. One day it will be horrible and the next it will feel a little less horrible, until it is better.

The edge of the forest is something you have never seen before. The bluffs are made of dark stone, and a few great trees tower above the rest of the forest. They stand out like sore thumbs, like targets, yet they still grown strong.

Your family is a target, but you will still grow. You have to.

—-

The journey feels never-ending, and there is nothing to look forward to, nothing at the end of the rainbow. You landed on top of a spire of black rock not too long ago, your ikrans getting much needed rest and your family getting it as well.

Traveling is tiring, taking in all of this newness, guiding your ikran around the high waves and the rocks that blend into the stormy night.

Jake promises that it isn’t much longer, now, that soon it will be over. You will have a new home, he says, but your home is the forest.

Lo’ak shifts his head, moving to a more comfortable position. His head rests in your lap, and you run your fingers through his hair, think about when life wasn’t like this.

It feels like you have lived a million lives in their arms.

You were a best friend, then a memory. Then you were something, and then you become everything. You became their mate, you became a mother.

“He won’t find us there,” Jake whispers, but the children are all too tired to hear. Kiri is curled up next to Neytiri, and Neteyam and Tuk have wrapped themselves around each other close to the small fire.

It makes the rocks look slightly orange in the light, and you want to look away, because it’s not green- it’s not the forest.

“He won’t,” you hum, because Jake needs that reassurance as much as he says he doesn’t.

Neytiri watches Neteyam and Tuk sleep with a fond smile, but it quickly falls.

“Where will we go after this?” she asks.

“Awa’atlu,” Jake says, running his fingers over his gun.

“And after?” Neytiri says. She tilts her chin up, but Jake doesn’t even look at her. “When will we stop running?” she asks.

“Until we can’t, Ney,” you whisper. “He will hunt us, hurt us one by one and I—”

“That won’t happen—” Jake interrupts.

“That cannot happen. We are parents, now. We have children to think of, children who can’t make the choice for themselves. We are choosing this life for them, and we have to make sure it is the right one.”

You don’t realize you’re clenching your hand until the fire starts the smolder, until the flickering orange on the rocks you were staring at starts to fade.

The sound of the fire is the loudest thing in the silence that follows your outburst.

The next words out of your mouth are instinctual.

“I want to go home,” you whisper.

Your tuck your chin to your chest, run your hand softly over Lo’ak hair, even though you feel like you’re made of fire. You’re a mother, and even if you were burning, you could never hurt your children.

“My Y/N…” Neytiri says. “I… I know, I know, I—” But she soon realizes she has no comforts, and something wet falls down your cheek. “Do not cry, my love,” she whispers, but then the fire starts to die, and the three of you stare at it until it is just an ember.

“Happiness is temporary,” Jake finally says, and you let your eyes close.

—-

taglist:

@eywas-heir @mjesecevo-dijete @ok-boke @tsukicores @neteyamforlife @itsyoboysparkel @tejas-kris @noname2246 @skxawngsworld @itsemy01 @littlexscarletxwitch @ara-a-bird @ghoulbli @ssc7514 @kitkat1690 @hai-kbai @disaster-in-waiting @milf-lover-23 @hot15936 @ssc7514 @ducks118 @bubble-blu @pitypinkabyss

everything taglist:

@monsterwasstolen @fanboyluvr @artologia-blog1 @tulipatheticee @elvyshiarieko @fluffisalliwant @fluffi19 @jeizllz @myheartfollower @fy-fy-world @minkyungseokie @ivy-plays @blueberryfailureclinic @cryingwhilereading @thatratprincessforever @dumb-fawkin-bitch @sillyblues @buttercup-beeee @smollangrycat @n7cje @eternallyvenus @iwanttogohomeandtakeanap @w3ird11 @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @babyminghao

#jake sully x neytiri #jake sully x reader #neytiri x reader #avatar way of water

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shadowofahope · 1 year

Text

Tell Me Again

Warnings: Mentions of sexual relationship and nudity

Pairing: FWB! Jungkook x (f)reader

Premise: You always knew what your relationship was. You always knew he was still in love with his ex. Now she's back, but you won't let him avoid his feelings.

Author’s notes: Hey Babes! I'm sorry I've been gone so long. After a death in the family I found out I was pregnant. So far this pregnancy has been really rough and all I'm really able to do is sleep. I'm hoping now that I'm in my second trimester I'll have more energy and the brain fog will clear. In the mean time here's a little drabble for you! 💜

Word count: 1.4K

masterlist

“Tell me again why you’re here right now and not running to her hotel begging her to stay?” You chide him, watching his naked form climb out from under your covers. Gathering them around you, you keep yourself comfy in the after glow. But still manage to eye him curiously as he moves around your space collecting his clothes, searching his face for what should be an obvious answer.

“It’s not that easy y/n” He groans in annoyance, pulling his jeans over his perk butt. The sounds of the metal of his zipper echo his uneasiness. Even after so many conversations about this topic it never seemed to get easier for him.

“Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy our little one on ones.” You throw a pillow at him, shifting his focus back to you. Quick reflexes he catches it before it collides with his still naked back. “But this is the same woman you’ve told me about since we became friends. The one you’ve never been able to forget. Her having to leave the country was the only reason for you breaking up, blah blah blah.”

“Yes, that one. But…” His fists tighten on the white linen of the pillow. His demeanour morphing into something anxiety ridden. “What about …. This?”

“Jeon, we both agreed what this was, and still is. Nothing has changed on my end, we are still friends.” You smile affectionately at his concern. “Unless you’re inlove with me then i completely get it.”

“HA. HA.” You both burst into laughter. One of the bonus’ of having Jeon as your FWB was that you had agreed right at the beginning to keep an open line of communication. No lines would be crossed behind closed doors, no accidental feelings, no possiblility of heart break or a one-sided loss. And as much fun as you two had together, other than physically you weren’t eachothers type. You fit well in the bedroom, but you regularly annoyed one another. Your personalities were a bit much, so being casual friends that met up only because your friend groups crossed was the best decision to keep you from killing one another.

“Besides your friend Mingyu looks like he could be fun.”

The smuggness in your voice is not lost on him as you feel the cool thump of a pillow landing on your bare back. “Be nice.”

“Just saying.” You grumble at him, sitting up allowing the sheet to slide off your skin leaving you bare in the chilled air. Neither of you react to it as you gather your hair to put it in a butterfly clip.

“I’ll give him your number then?” His smirk is still there as he rolls his eyes at you.

“You better.” Climbing out of bed you throw on your bra and sweater, sweat pants then glasses. “Honestly though, if your source is as creditable as you say then not only does she have an 80% chance of staying, but she’s also single. And by what your friend has said, it sounds like she’s still in love with you too.”

He hesitates, “What if I ask her to stay… What if I tell her I still love her and she leaves again?”

“You would have done all you can, it’ll still hurt. But this time you’ll know there was no saving it.” You sigh, you don’t have all the answers he wants to hear. You can’t tell him she’ll stay and they’ll live happily ever after.

They were both pursuing their careers, and unfortunately that took them away from eachother. But if it has brought her back and she can still grow here, with him…it would be worth the risk, in your opinion.

You watch him pull his shirt over his head, covering his abs. Standing to the side as he grabs his shoes from where he discarded them on his hasty entrance, he sits on your bed to put them on.

He catches at you staring intently at him.

“What? You want another round?” His stupid smirk and bunny teeth on full display as he cocks his head towards you.

“Like you could manage.” You taunt.

“Maybe not after the last two, but I’m sure I could get you there atleast once more before I go.” His cockiness really knows no bounds sometimes. His face may scream innocence, but his sex drive and dirty mouth completely shatter that image. He saunters towards you in an overly sexualized way, making it more comical than if he was actually trying.

“Get out Jeon. We’ve spent too much time together this week, you’re starting to irk me.” You shove him towards your front door, genuine laugh coming from him as he lets you lead him out.

“Yea yea. Like anyone could stand being with you any longer.” Sarcasm rolling off his lewd tongue, as you reach the door.

“Hey! I am a ball of sunshine. I’ll have you know people love my company!” You play up the hurt in your tone. You both knew you preferred being by yourself then with most company. It was a personality flaw you came to appreciate about yourself.

“Who exactly?” He mocks openly. “Drama characters don’t count.”

“....…. Go!” You bark. No serious anger in your voice.

“Bye bye” he scoots out your door, closing it behind him. You lock it, mind already going 100 miles an hour. You’d help him not loose this chance. Not again.

---------

Heels clacking against the cement slabs beneath you, the fragrant bouquet increasing your determination every step. Dressed presentably in a nice dress, long coat to give an air of ease, you didn’t want to over dress but then again you didn’t want to show up in sweats. Today would be an important day.

The light breeze feels like it’s pushing you forward. You know exactly where to go, you’ve done your sleuthing from his friends. If he thought you would let this go he was sorely mistaken. You’d never let him pass up this opportunity, after all this time. Never forgetting, never willing to let go.

Regardless, you weren't’ the type of person who sat by idly while your friend didn’t let himself an attempt at true happiness.

Marching into the hotel lobby, you don’t slow your pace. Heading straight to the elevator and pushing the button for floor 12. You smile to yourself in the reflection of the mirrored walls. You had a good feeling about this.

The chime brings you back and you step out onto the carpet, down the long hallway and stopping in front of room 1212.

Rolling your shoulders back you reach out and knock on the door.

“Delivery!” You call pleasantly.

You hear a sweet voice through the door answer back, “coming!”

Shuffling comes through the wood before the door opens, “Yes?”

“Special delivery from one Euphoria florists.” You hold out the bouquet of specially chosen flowers. You can see the look fash behind her eyes, the recognition of the name. A past she hadn’t forgotten, regret she still felt.

“There all-” Her voice trails off absently as she take them from you, examining each bulb and leaf.

“Your favourites Miss. This is a custom order for you, along with this card.” The astonishment in her eyes is not lost on you. Nonetheless you hold out the envelope patiently waiting for her to be ready to take it. When she comes back to herself she gently but hastily takes it from you.

“Oh, I’m sorry! Thank you Miss-?” An open ended question. One that you deemed unimportant for right now.

“Don’t worry about it.” You smile even brighter at her, taking a step back you take a step to leave, but you can’t help yourself.

“Yuri?” You say her first name, you can see the surprise ripple through her. “He named it after you, Euphoria.”

“Who are you?” Her gentle voice taken over by a slight tremor. Panic or excitement, you weren’t too sure.

“A friend.”

She takes a moment to stare at the bouquet in her hands, slowly a small careful smile appears. That’s the one you were hoping for.

“Thank you.” She offers you a hopeful smile, her eyes now looking watery from the pooling tears.

You wave to her as you retreat down the hallway back towards the elevators.

He was either going to grovel at your feet in thanks or you were going to get your ass kicked for the rest of eternity. Meh, you could take Jeon if necessary.

masterlist

#bts imagines #bts fic #bts fanfics #bts fanfic #bts fan fiction #bts jungkook #bts fwb #friends with benifits jungkook #love/hate friendship #open communication #still inlove with his ex #unrequited love #but not really #OC on a mission #reader x jungkook

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authormars · 29 days

Text

Trauma

This is a Lucifer trauma post. Trigger warnings include: SA, Abuse of Authority, Abuse in general, Manipulation, Grooming, and if I'm missing any, please tell me

I'm a firm believer in don't like, don't read/ignore

I'm making one big post about this, because it's much easier. I'm focusing on the two I mention a lot in my fics or possibly posts here.

I do want to prefice this with that I do not condone or defend any of this behavior. These are real experiences some people may go through, and if you have, please seek help from a trusted friend, adult, or medical professional.

I will put trigger warning per section. None of this is canon, it all pertains to my headcanon/my au

Michael

Trigger warnings for this portion include: Grooming, Abuse of Authority, Abuse, SA(?)

Michael is an archangel. He was part of an experiment created by the father to see what DNA made the perfect angel. Three were created from this. Gabriel, with half human, half angel DNA, Uriel, with full angel DNA, and Michael, with half demon, half angel DNA. Michael proved to be an interesting case, with strength above any other angel. However, the demon in his blood came with some not so good tendencies to enjoy others pain.

When Lucifer was created as the "perfect angel," Michael began to train him in swordfighting. Michael took an interest in him and became his only mentor.

As Lucifer grew older, Michael began to be more harsh on him. Anytime he failed to defeat him in a match, Lucifer would receive a punishment such as being whipped. It slowly drove him to become better (though, the other archangels didn't approve of his methods)

Lucifer had a habit of sticking his whole self-esteem on Michael's opinion. This meant he was constantly asking Michael how he did or whether he looked good or anything to get praise. If Michael didn't respond with "Perfect" then Lucifer was sent down a spiral (something that stuck with him when he fell)

At a celebration for another angel, Lucifer and Michael we're about to leave and Lucifer happened to ask "Do I still look good?" Because he was desperate for his idol's approval. In response, Michael kissed him and said "Absolutely perfect"

Afterward, Michael insisted Lucifer didn't tell a soul what had happened. They were friends, weren't they? Friends can keep secrets, right? Manipulations such as that. Eventually, these exchanges got more common and Lucifer became more paranoid they would be found out. He thought the world of Michael and would never sell him out, but he was always worried someone else knew.

But then, the war began and Michael refused to side with Lucifer.

"But you said we were friends."

"Friends don't rebell against the Father, Lucifer"

"She's my sister!"

"She made her choice. You must make yours"

"Then I suppose we'll meet again on the battle field"

Michael's section is finished here!

Diavolo

Trigger warnings include: Abuse of Authority, implied/mentioned SA, Abuse

If anyone recognizes me off my AO3, then you'll probably know of my Kiss Me, Son of God series. This is a series in which Diavolo abuses his authority and Lucifer's pact with him to sleep with him.

That's the first incident in which Diavolo isn't the greatest person.

Diavolo has rampages, just like the brothers. However, unlike the brothers, his don't stick to a particular sin. Diavolo is a royal demon, meaning he is representative of all sins. This means that he can have rampages for all sins.

The most common would be Lust or Wrath. During these rampages, he has a tendency to hurt Lucifer. In Lust, because he subconsciously sees Lucifer as his future queen (tagged as Dialuci for a reason) and in Wrath because he sees Lucifer as an angel, therefore a threat in his realm.

However, unlike Michael, Diavolo almost never remembers doing these things to Lucifer. When he realizes his best friend is slowly becoming afraid of him, he makes the move to improve. As time moves forward, Diavolo becomes more caring and cautious around Lucifer, leading to the relationship we see in game.

Final thoughts

I give a lot of trauma to Lucifer, mainly as a coping mechanism. I am an angst writer, so the things I headcanon/have in my au are going to be heavy topics. I recognize that this behavior is not okay and I don't defend it at all.

These things happen to real people, and I feel like these topics aren't discussed enough in fandom culture. That's the reason I write it and incorporate it. If we remain ignorant, we won't recognize the signs of it happening in our own lives or in the lives of the people we love.

If you've read to the end, thank you! I know this is mainly just me dumping stuff, but thanks for reading it

#obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me diavolo #obey me michael #psychoanalysis #don't like don't interact #don't like don't read #This is Dialuci

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redbleedingrose · 1 year

Note

okay but what if eris gets so caught up with the girls and so concerned ab giving you free time that you start to feel less important - i feel like he would freak out if he found out u felt that way and do whatever possible to make sure u didnt feel that way anymore yk?

Oh man, this is painful to think about.

To be honest, Girldad!Eris is such a loving and doting father. Not only that, he is also an amazing mate, husband, and best friend to you. I think Eris in general, does a wonderful job at making sure you feel appreciated and loved and adored, the way you deserve to be.

When Marwa and Twila were newborns, you and Eris were incredibly in sync. You worked like a team in handling your babes, and he made sure that each of you had time for yourselves and time for each other.

It was easier when they were so little... leaving them with a nanny for a couple of hours while he took you out on a day trip, or dinner, or just to spend some alone time together ;)

But when the girls turned into toddlers, they became a bit more attached to their mama and papa. They are in that stage where they become upset if either one of you is out of sight.

Safe to say, time for yourselves and each other has been limited since the babes became more needy. And Eris takes it in stride!!!! He loves his perfect little girls, spoiling them with their every wish and whim, listening intently to everything they have to say (even if it is about how Janey (Twila's imaginary friend) pushed Sienna over (Marwa's imaginary friend)).

And don't get me wrong, you love that. You fucking adore Eris and how he much he loves your babes and takes care of them. He is the best father, and he proves to you and himself every day that any fear he had about being like his father was beyond absurd. But...

But... you miss your husband. You miss your mate and best friend.

When the girls were newborns, they would be asleep most of the day, and you had uninterrupted time with Eris where you and him could catch up and talk about your days, where he could hold and kiss you, and love and dote on you, and fuck your brains out.

Now that girls are toddlers, they are constantly hanging off their papa, begging for his attention throughout the day, and it feels like you just don't have enough time with him. The babes cry whenever you try to go out on dates or day trips, and Eris relents to his girls cries, sending a burst of apology down your bond while you opt to stay in with the babes.

The only time you get to spend alone with him is late into the night, when both of you are too exhausted from your duties and babes to do anything besides cuddle, sending strokes of love and adoration down the golden thread tying you together, and fall into a dreamless sleep.

So yes, you miss your mate. You miss talking to him, and being near him, and kissing and cuddling him, and you absolutely miss his dick. And seeing him with your girls, it warms your heart like nothing else. And it also sends a shock of envy that sends you into a spiral of mom guilt. It just that... there was a slight loss that you felt. A slight emptiness that you no longer had your mates full attention at any point during the day because it was given to the babes. And you love, absolutely love that for them. You just don't like it for yourself.

And Eris, well... he misses you too. He feels it too. He feels the decrease in time that he has had with his mate. So... when you start to distance yourself from him, moving to the very edge of the bed instead of into his chest while you fall asleep, he panics.

Because you already have limited time together, and now you don't want to be near him even during that time??

And Eris knows you. He has known you. He knows every part of you, your body, your brain, your heart, and your soul. So he reads you like an open book, and knows that you are avoiding him. And he knows it is likely because you don't want to talk to him about something that is bothering you. Because thats how you are.

You are his perfect, beautiful, loving, selfless mate.

If something is bothering you, you bury it deep inside, because you love him too much to bring it up to him and possibly hurt his feelings. So... he gives you the first night. He lets you sleep on the other side of the bed, because you need your space. And he will talk to you in the morning over a breakfast date.

When he wakes, you are already gone. Your side of the bed is already cool by the time his stirs enough to reach his hand out to you. This time... this time your avoidance has Eris shooting straight out of bed, throwing on whatever clothes he can find as he sets off to find you.

You are with your babes, who are sitting at the table and coloring with their new pencils their papa bought them a couple of days prior, making some fresh pancakes for them even though your housekeepers tried shooing you off. You are an astounding mother to your girls, wanting them to eat something made and embedded with the purest of love that you have for them.

You greet him softly smiling down at your mate, as he tugs at your bond, making you aware of his presence as he tries and fails to smile back. But his babes are there. So he forces a small grin onto his face, not wanting his little girls to pick up on the fact that Mama and Papa aren't in the best place right now, and cuddles close to them on the bench so he can feed Marwa as you feed Twila.

Once breakfast is over, you encourage the girls to get dressed for their piano lesson this afternoon. And the girls moan and groan, but they listen to their mama, running with their tiny feet out of the dining room to their bedrooms where they can change with the help of their chambermaids, leaving you and Eris alone for the first time in a while.

At this point, you know he knows.

You know he knows that something is wrong, so you avoid looking at him as he turns to you. You move yourself quickly, picking up the dirtied dishes, shifting your eyes towards the forest outside shown by the window over the sink.

Er approaches you, lifting his arms to wrap around your waist, pressing your back into his chest, and resting his head on your shoulder as you try to gently push away. The movement has Eris tsking, swiveling you around to face him. You focus your eyes onto the door behind him, right over his shoulder, but he grasps at your chin with one hand, forcing you to look at him, the other hand fingering a strand of your hair and tucking it behind your ear.

"Why are you avoiding me, beloved?" he murmurs, leaning in close to brush his nose against yours, "Have I done something to upset you?"

You scoff trying to play your avoidance off, pressing your hands from behind your back into into his hips, tugging him close by his belt, "I am not avoiding you."

He shakes his head, his hand easing its way through your hair to rest at the back of your scalp, still so close to you that it is almost dizzying, "The truth beloved, I want the truth."

You hate that he can read you this well. You hate that he can take you apart, piece by piece, inspecting each part of you slowly and carefully, before putting you back together.

Because you can never hide anything from him, your perfect, wonderful mate.

So now, you have to explain your silly envy that you have for the attention your babes receive from their papa. A lump lodges itself into your throat, a heat runs up your neck and focuses in on your cheeks, as embrassament and shame makes it way deep within you. "I just miss you." It comes out unintentionally as a whimper, so quiet, that if Eris wasn't standing so close, he would've missed it. A hot tear escapes your waterline, streaking down your cheek, as Eris thumbs it away, "I miss you too, beloved."

A pained laugh rushes past your lips as all the feelings you had once held in begin to spill out, "No Eris, you are right here. So close to me. Practically on top of me right now. And I still miss you. Gods, Er, I miss you when you are with our babes. How disgusting is that? Our little babes Er. They need you so much more than I do, they need their papa. And look, you are the most amazing father to them. And you take care of them, and love them, and dote on them. And I am fucking jealous? Not even jealous, I guess. Just sad. Because I miss you. Because anytime we try to be together, just as us, as a couple, as mates, it is interrupted by our babes. And mother, I love them so much, believe me, I love them so much, I would give my soul for them. But I miss... I miss spending time with you. Uninterrupted time with you. I miss you holding me. I miss us reading together by the fireplace. I miss us making dinner together, or getting dressed and going out on those special dates that you would set up without telling me. Gods, I miss making out with you Er. I miss us fucking and I miss us making love, without worrying that one of the babes will walk in and we will scar them for life. I miss everything Er. I guess... I guess I just am feeling... I think..."

His soft amber eyes bore into yours, nodding his head in encouragement as he rubs the back of your scalp and cupping your cheek into his palm, "Go on beloved."

You swallow against the lump, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling his face a hair-widths from yours, "I think I am feeling a little neglected." Your sentiment comes out forced, but necessary. The time away from your mate was leaving you with a profound sense of sadness, even though he is right in front of you.

Your sentiment also knocks the breath right out of the high lord. This isn't what he was expecting. He knew that you missed him, and he missed you too, so much. He just didn't know that it was this much. That you were feeling "neglected" in your own words. It had bile rising to his throat as he realized, with deep-rooted self loathing he hadn't felt in a while, that he was the one that made you feel this way. Him. Your best friend. Your husband. Your mate.

He was supposed to make you feel appreciated, and adored, and loved. Because that is what you deserve, and you should settle for nothing less.

You scoff, interrupting his flow of thoughts, as if you could read his mind, "Don't. Don't do that Er. It's okay. I am fine. I just miss you."

He scrunches his nose at you, pressing a quick peck to your lips, "It most certainly is not okay. Your feelings are valid, and you don't need to invalidate them to spare my own feelings. I am so sorry beloved, I am sorry I made you feel this way," you opened your mouth, likely to interrupt him again, but he didn't let, thumbing at your bottom lip, trapping it between his fingers and give a slight tug, "I do get caught up in the girls. I get so caught up in loving them, protecting them, doting on them. I never want them to feel the way my father made me feel. I want them to know that their papa cherishes them. And I think through that, I have forgotten to take extra, exclusive, time out for their mama."

He heaves a sigh, pressing another quick peck onto your lips, "I never meant to make you feel neglected, beloved. You have to know. You have to know how much I fucking adore you. How much I need you, and ache for you. Every moment not spent with you, is so... It is so numbing. You make me feel alive. I love you. So fucking much."

"I love you too Er, so much," you lean in, brushing your lips against his once, twice, before locking them together. His lips move so softly against yours, sucking at your bottom lip before darting his tongue to meet with yours. You stay like that for a long moment.

Kissing your mate. Holding him impossibly close, until he is melting against you. Basking in the love he is pouring out, straight through the bond tying your souls.

He nips at your lips as he pulls away, "I promise to make more time for you, mate. Uninterrupted time. Because I miss you too beloved. I miss our dates and our cuddles and our talks and our kisses. I miss it all. I also miss your tits and fucking you, but let's not go there right now or else I'm going to bend you right over this kitchen counter and take you right here," you snort as a smirk lilts his face, "Let's go out tonight beloved. I'll call the nanny to watch them tonight, and we can go out to our little cottage by the seaside for the night. We can have a nice dinner that we cook together, and then for dessert... well for dessert, I am going to splay you across the table, and you are going to spread your legs open for me, and you can work out the rest."

You scoff amusedly, pushing at his chest, but his grip on your hips doesn't let you get too far before pulling you back in, "How does that sound beloved?" brushing his lips over the curve of your ear. He moves your hair over your shoulder, trailing open mouthed kisses up and down your neck, suckling at the sensitive spot right at the junction of your shoulder and collarbone, "How does that sound beloved?" he asks again, mouthing it into the small bruise forming where he had bite onto.

"Gods, yes Er," you moan into his shoulder, "Please."

#eris x fem!reader #eris x reader #girldad!eris #rose rambles #eris acotar #eris vanserra #marwa and twila #angst #some fluff #a little spicy towards the end

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tunaababee · 6 days

Text

we will be everything we say - Chapter 3

masterlist // fic playlist // read on AO3 // overall rating: e // wc this chapter: 3.3k // updates Mondays (aest)

Feyre Archeron has been best friends with Rhysand Sterling ever since she moved onto the same street when they were kids - the two became absolutely joined at the hip, with nothing able to come between them.

As they get older, life gets more complicated and things get harder. Not everything comes as naturally as it once did. People change, things happen, friends... drift.

But after drifting apart, maybe life can push them back together again, in time.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

a/n: sorry for the delay today, had a big weekend! this is one of my favourite chapters so far. i hope you all like it!! :)

Chapter 3: fifteen and sixteen

High school was already rough as it was for Rhysand. Trying to stay on top of his grades, meeting the expectations his father had for him, attempting to stay on the good side of all his teachers despite all the trouble he managed to constantly get into regardless of his best efforts. All of it was made slightly easier, though, by his friendship with Feyre and how the two of them persevered despite it all. She had never faltered in her loyalty and care since the day in the park that they had met as small children, and Rhys never hesitated to return it all in kind. Azriel and Cassian were practically brothers to him, Amren was wise beyond her years somehow and Mor was… well, Mor. He loved them all so much, but he never quite clicked with all of them the same way he did with Feyre. It was like they could read each other’s minds.

But soon, maintaining that deep and important connection with her was going to be a bit more difficult than he had hoped – his father had told him that they were moving within the fortnight.

It wasn’t anywhere too far away, only a handful of suburbs over in Velaris, but they had been on the same street together for almost as long as Rhys could remember. Living so close to Feyre felt almost as natural as breathing, so the idea of adjusting to an atmosphere without her in close orbit was nerve-wracking to say the least. There wouldn’t be any sense of excitement when he heard his front door unlock, or any quick escapes to the Archeron household anymore. He couldn’t help but resent his father for it.

“Dude, the fuck do you mean you haven’t told her yet?” Cassian spat out in surprise, the two of them keeping pace with each other during gym class. “Feyre will want to know, and it’s not exactly going to be subtle when one day she sees another family moving into your old place.”

“I know, I know. I haven’t been keeping it from her on purpose, I just… Finding the right time is difficult! I don’t want to tell her at a time when it’s gonna stress her out or something.”

“Rhys, you’re moving to the other side of town. It’s gonna stress her out at least a little no matter what.”

Rhys huffed a little at him with a defeated look - he always hated it when Cassian was right about these things, but it was one of the reasons he loved him, too. Underneath that mess of a man-bun and the muscles he was trying so desperately to continue to build was a heart of gold like no other, and it was exactly why he thought of him like a brother.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m just- she’s my best friend, y’know? I love her a lot, and I fucking hate that I’m gonna have to tell her because I know it’ll hurt.”

“Believe me, buddy, everyone knows you love her.” A small wiggle of his eyebrows accompanied his sentence, but Rhys swiftly elbowed him in the side without a second thought. Cassian’s hands launched to where he’d made impact, face contorted in some mild pain and discomfort.

“Fuck off, she’s my best friend.” Rhys chuckled, smiling a little at him.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, man,” Cassian wheezed out, grumbling to himself as the two kept running.

The worries about how he would break the news of his impending move kept swirling in his mind like an inky whirlpool throughout the rest of his classes, distracting him from Feyre who was walking right beside him out of the halls of Prythian High at the end of the day. She had been talking about how she was struggling with her reading for English class – she’d never been a big reader, let alone one for analysing texts – as he looked over at her when they walked through the doors and out into the golden sun beating down relentlessly in the spring afternoon. The light hit her face and it broke him from his worries and launched him directly into a different kind of stupor. The curls of her hair, the stunning steely blue of her eyes, the soft pink of her smiling lips being hit by the sun just right to make it almost look like she was glowing next to him as they walked.

She was perfect.

He elected to adamantly ignore the twist in his heart at the thought – she was his best friend, of course anyone would think their best friend was beautiful. Best friends are meant to be the person to hype you up, anyway. It was perfectly normal, and he shoved the feeling to the side in his head as he wrenched his gaze forward onto the pavement in front of him.

“…So anyways, I’ve never really been one for maximalist work, but Miss Stryga seems to only love works that are so busy and cluttered. I have no idea what I’m going to do for this next – Rhys? Hellooo?” Feyre waved her hand in front of his face with a confused expression. “Earth to Rhysand?”

“Huh? Sorry - sorry, you were saying about Miss Stryga?” Rhys scrambled to catch back up with what she had been saying, only half-listening as he had been waxing poetic to himself.

“I was saying I don’t know what I’m gonna do for this next assignment for her since I prefer more minimalistic abstract. Geez, you’re all over the place today.” She laughed lightly to herself, shaking her head a little bit at him.

“Yeah, my bad… I think I might have overdone it at soccer practice today or something. Just been really tired lately.” He rolled his shoulders back, stretching his neck slightly to emphasize his point. In reality, he had barely been able to give his all at soccer today whatsoever because of everything on his mind, but that was between him and the coach’s extra ten laps he’d been given.

Feyre quirked an eyebrow, her face concerned as she tried to break through the slight walls he was putting up. “You’re not up late at night playing WoW or something again, are you? Because I’ve seen you active on Skype late at night sometimes, and I know you got way deeper into it than you ever meant to.”

“How would you know if I’m up late playing games unless you were up late too, hmm?” He smirked at her with a feline grin, trying to get a slight rise out of her. There was nothing he loved more than their dumb, spirited arguments about everything and nothing at all.

Feyre’s mouth opened and closed a few times listlessly as she tried to come up with an excuse, Rhys nudging his side playfully into hers as they strolled down the pathway beneath green trees and next to gardens in full bloom. “Well, I- I’m not- That’s different, I’ve been trying to get work done!”

“Uh huh. Am I right in assuming that the work you’re doing involves watching Ouran High School Host Club or something in some capacity?”

A sheepish expression crawled up on her face, cheeks slightly pink. “…Maybe. I can’t work without background noise, what can I say?”

“See, now I know that’s a lie, because you’re always going on about how you prefer subs to dubs. While I’ve been busy studying the virtual blade, you’ve been busy being nerdier than I am.”

Feyre’s mouth was agape in mock offence, looking at him with her hands on her chest as if she had been mortally wounded. His eyes were definitely only on her hands, and not slightly lower at all. He was so respectful and focused on their conversation right now, it wasn’t even funny.

“Wow. I don’t think I’m ever going to recover from that. You’ve killed me. I’m going to fall to pieces and rot.”

“You’ll live, darling.” He put a sarcastic, joking emphasis at the end, mussing up her hair slightly with a laugh as she tried to swat his hands away. Feyre practically jumped toward him to try and mess up his own hair the moment he backed off. Unfortunately for Feyre, ever since he’d started high school he’d only grown taller and shown no signs of stopping even now in his sophomore year. By now he was almost a head taller than her, having to look down a little to talk to her.

A small sigh escaped him as they continued to walk, most of the other kids on their way home having split off in their own directions, leaving the two of them the only ones roaming through the quiet roads on the way back to their street. A small pit of dread formed in his stomach when he recalled that he didn’t have many of these walks left with her - they were one of the favourite parts of his days. He didn’t have to be the soccer team captain or the cocky troublemaker or the perfect son with the perfect looks and the perfect grades. He could just be Rhys. No expectations, no roles to play, no masks to wear.

Just Rhys and just Feyre.

He had to tell her and he was going to hate every fucking second of it.

“...Hey, uh, Feyre, can we talk a sec?”

She stopped a few steps behind him, Rhys stopping to turn to her when he realised she wasn’t following alongside him.

“I thought that’s what we did every day anyways, what the fuck are you talking about?” She looked completely puzzled.

He brought a hand up behind his head, looking down a little awkwardly. Rhys could feel his heart pick up pace. “I mean, yeah but… Like, serious talk for a second.”

Feyre caught up with him, the two of them continuing to walk together - Rhys could only focus on the expression of pure concern and worry on Feyre’s face. She was too good to him.

“You certainly sound serious. Is everything okay? You know that if your dad is being shitty again, you’re always welcome at mine - it’s pretty much your home, too.” Her hand came to lightly rest on his bicep, her eyes boring into him to try and read his expression. To glean even an ounce of what was going on in his head.

“No, it’s not like that- I mean, sorta? But not in that way. Promise.” Rhys tried to reassure her, not wanting her to think that he’d acquired any more bruises that weren’t from falling on his ass at soccer practice.

“As much as you’re trying to reassure me, it’s not exactly making me less worried.” She squeezed his arm lightly. His chest felt tight.

“Fair play, I guess. Um… Y’know how my dad’s been really busy with his business and everything lately?”

“Yeah…?”

“Well, it’s been going good. Like, really good. But…” The dread gnawing at the pit of his stomach continued to grow and grow, getting heavier by the second.

“Rhys, I am begging you to just be straight with me right now.”

“He’s making us move.”

“...Oh.”

The two of them had stopped walking, facing each other as Rhys’ tongue began to feel like lead in his mouth. He knew he had to keep going, to explain to her that he wasn’t moving too far away, that they just wouldn’t be on the same street, but the expression on her face in that moment nearly broke him. Fuck. Fuck, this isn’t how he had wanted this to go. Then again, if he had his way, none of this would be happening in the first place. The silence stretched between them, tense and taut and ready to snap like a rubber band.

“I-It’s not as bad as it sounds-”

“Do you know where?” It was obvious she was trying to hold back tears, lip quivering slightly and eyes glassy.

“Just a bit further away, the other side of town - Velaris. I’ll still be in Prythian, just- just not Wildebloom. Only a handful of suburbs over.”

Rhys thought that reassuring her would have helped quell her worries and make her feel relieved, but instead he only saw her grimace deeply before pushing him roughly by the chest.

“You couldn’t have fucking opened with that? I thought you were leaving town or something - fucking hell, Rhys!” Feyre sniffled, wiping at her eyes a little as she tried to collect herself. The fact that he’d made her cry, even without intending to, made his stomach twist into guilt-ridden knots. He tensed for a moment, not wanting to overstep or seem like he was trying to condescend to her, but every bone in his body was screaming at him to comfort her somehow. His hands balled into tense fists for a moment at his sides before he let out a long exhale, willing the tension and compulsion to subside.

“I’m sorry. I just… I hadn’t said anything because I was really hoping that whatever my dad was planning didn’t work out, but then it did, and knowing it in my head was one thing. But telling you? That makes it all so real, and I fucking hate it. I know we’ll still see each other at school and we can still hang out, but it’s… You and I both know it’s not the same.” Rhys couldn’t have stopped himself rambling if he tried, desperately trying to make Feyre understand and make her feel even just a touch more at ease. He hated nothing in this world more than seeing her upset.

She took a deep breath, pausing a moment before jerking her head forward in the direction of the way they had been walking. Rhys quietly followed, falling into step beside her again in the most uncomfortable and tense silence he’d ever experienced. She kept close to him, occasionally sneaking glances at him as they walked in silence, breaking her gaze away from him whenever he caught her looking. Soon enough, they were approaching their little street in the distance - they could already see Rhys’ house from here.

This is not how Rhys wanted to spend one of the few walks he had left with her.

Feyre broke the silence first.

“...When are you leaving?”

“Two weeks.”

“And how long have you known you’re leaving?”

“...Also about two weeks. I’ve been freaking out about how I was going to break it to you the whole time.” Rhys could see her wince a little, dragging her hands down her face with a sigh that weighed on his shoulders heavily. Guilt continued to snake up from his stomach, twisting around his neck now - tight, suffocating, tangible.

“I’m assuming the rest of our friends know, then?” There was a slight venom in her words.

“Not for long. A few days or so, I think?”

She paused for a moment, considering everything. Their pace was slow and meandering, almost at a complete standstill - Rhys didn’t want to go home without knowing that Feyre was alright, that they were going to be alright. Feyre looked up at Rhys, her face still slightly pained, but there was a softness there that wasn’t present a moment ago.

“I know you. I know you would have wanted to find the perfect moment to tell me that you were moving, at a time and place that I would have been able to easily accept it and move on like it was nothing. But you know that there would have never been a perfect time for you to tell me this, right?”

“...Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

“I wish you’d have just told me when you found out, you prick. You’re my best friend. I wanna know these sorts of things, even when they fucking suck.” She put an arm around his waist, pressing herself to his side for a moment with a light squeeze before letting go. He felt his cheeks warm slightly, hoping and praying Feyre wouldn’t notice.

“Sure, but who ever wants to talk about the things that suck? I’d much rather spend my time giving you shit.” Rhys chuckled lightly, the atmosphere distinctly lighter and that horrid weight seeming to lift a little bit as they continued up the street.

“Wooow. Firstly, rude. Secondly, I think we have to focus on your shit now if anything. If you think I’m letting you pack and not helping out, you’re delusional. Good excuse to spend more time before you move, anyway.”

“Just because I’m moving doesn’t mean that we can’t still spend time together, you know,” Rhys insisted as they passed his driveway - he always made sure to walk her to her house, despite the fact that it was only two doors down, and today wasn’t any different. Any excuse he could get to spend time around Feyre he would always take without hesitation. “We can always meet up halfway and have lunch out in town or something. Plus I have my license, so I can come pick you up to whisk you away on adventures.”

Feyre’s laughter was almost like music to his ears, eyes closed and smile wide. She was so stunning and so unaware of it.

“Now I can finally have the cliche teenage experience of sneaking out at night to see a boy, how thrilling.”

The places Rhysand’s mind went to when she said that made chills run down his spine, shifting on his feet as he tried to shake the mental images Feyre had unwittingly conjured. He was so normal about this right now.

“Hey, you just text me and I’ll be there. No sneaking required. Besides, I’m not just a boy, I've been your best friend since we were little kids. I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind.”

“He barely notices when I’m gone for school or for my job, I think he’s too checked out to mind much of anything.”

As much as Rhys hated that fact, he tried his best to take it in stride just like Feyre did. She turned to start heading up to her front door, Rhys grabbing her hand for a moment to give a small but reassuring squeeze before she went inside. To tell her that he was sorry but that he appreciated her all the same after all they’d talked about today. But instead of letting go, she gripped tighter for a second, and Rhys felt the world slow down a little bit as he watched Feyre get on her tiptoes. Her expression turned to a smirk before her warm lips met his cheek and he knew his face had turned red at that very moment. Feyre simply grinned wider as if she hadn’t just thrown his world off its axis, walking up to her door with a wave back at him.

“See you tomorrow, Rhys.” She said nonchalantly, heading inside and closing the door behind her.

Rhysand simply stood dumbfounded at the end of the driveway, staring at that white wooden door with his hand pressed to where her lips had met his skin. It felt like live electricity was still dancing along his cheek, jumping between his fingers, spreading down through his veins. He had half a mind to march up to her door, let himself in and crush his body to hers as he kissed her with everything he had.

But instead, Rhys turned and walked two doors down, mouth still agape in surprise. There was no denying to himself anymore that he was so deeply, desperately in love with Feyre Archeron. There wouldn’t be anyone else for him. His friends all already knew it, too. But she was his best friend, and he was moving soon.

So he kept that truth to himself, a secret that he wore on his sleeve like a uniform from that day forward, and unlocked the door to his house before heading inside.

#feysand #rhysand x feyre archeron #fanfiction #rhysand #feyre archeron #acotar #acotar fanfiction #friends to lovers

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