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thatswoosan · 4 years

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I just want to be better.

Prompt | Johnny helps female!reader with emotional conflicts and life balance. Genre | Light angst, super fluff. Words | 3.9k

Synopsis | Your boyfriend, Johnny, knows how much you try to balance all at once, letting the pressure of school, relationships, and life pile onto your shoulders until you just can’t take it anymore.

[3:51pm] All these years in school, you were verbally harassed by teachers giving lectures on not procrastinating, or not letting all your assignments build up, because something-something-something “no one works well under pressure and it’ll show” but your grades have always proved otherwise.. usually. However, at this moment, the clock keeps moving forward, and your binder is still empty. No ideas, no sketches, and you’re on thin ice making sure you nail these final projects. Sure, theres a few weeks left in the semester, but what’s that in the design world, like two days? It’s not like cranking out an essay in an hour or two. Everything takes so much time.

Click. Click. Click.

On top of all the time and dedication your professors seem to think your class can pull out of thin air, your life was too hectic for this.

Click. Click. Click.

The dreamies mean a lot to you, which means when they pull out their doe eyes to join them in pranks, movie nights or gaming sessions, you weren’t going to say no. Plus the late running dance rehearsals with Ten were really starting to hammer what little energy you had left to give.

Click. Click. Click.

No one needs to major in math to add all these hours up into a normal day, which really narrow down any free time you might get, and what are you supposed to do? Just ignore your boyfrien-

Click. Click. Cli-

“JOHNNY!” You finally exclaimed, causing him to jump a little in his chair, hitting his knees under the desk. He turned around and looked at you, who was laying on the floor in a corner with your books spread out. His startled expression molded into a confused one.

“Haven’t you been over there working for almost an hour?” He asked, motioning towards your empty sketchpads. “I’ve been trying to,” you let out a sigh of frustration, “however, it’s incredibly hard to focus, or even think, with all the clicking sounds you keep making on your laptop.”

For a slight second, he was taken back, but his expression quickly turned into a playful smirk and he apologized. “Hah, alright babe, I’m sorry” he says, in a little pout that makes your heart pang. He then turns around in his chair, going back to flipping through his photos he took earlier that morning, quietly this time.

Although you and Johnny haven’t been dating for long, you’ve known each other for years. He’s quickly grown to know you like the back of his hand. He knows what makes you tick, and what makes you happy, laugh, etc. At the same time, he knows you’re incredibly stubborn, and seem to think you need to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, alone. He’s asked a million times, and will probably ask a million more to let him help, whether it be with school, dance practice, even just doing meticulous things for you that will help free up your schedule, but you refuse. In your mind, you just don’t want to burden anyone.

Though you try hard not to, little snippy outburst such as that happen, and he’s learned not to take it to heart. Sometimes he even thinks they’re cute, with the way your words sound so short and annoyed, but he can visibly see that you’re trying so hard to sound nice.. it amuses him. Regardless of his infatuation, you hate when you express frustration to people you love, especially when it’s not their fault.

Letting out a deep sigh, you shove your book to the side, and stand up from sitting on the floor, feeling a deep ache in your knee’s from having them crossed for so long. Making a couple strides towards Johnny across the room, you wrap your arms around his neck, hugging him from behind and snuggling your face into the crook of his neck, letting out a muffled, “I’m sorry” into the fabric of his shirt.

The vibrations of his giggles bounce against your cheek as he wraps his hands into yours, but before he can say anything, you both can hear trampling up the stairs, towards the dorm rooms.

With a mixture of knocking, shouting, and hands banging on Johnny’s door, there’s question of who it could be. You begin laughing at Johnny’s deep sigh that leaves his chest, nearly feeling his eyes roll into the back of his head.

“Hyung, Hyung,” Multiple, if not all of the dream members are repeating outside the door. “Wha-“ “HYUNGGGGGGG WE KNOW NOONA IS HERE LET US IN!” Chenle screams, in his dolphin like screech, with absolutely no remorse.

The difference between your reactions at the time were like night and day, with butterflies filling your chest, and Johnny’s shoulders sulking as he went to open the door. He barely got the lock undone before they flooded the room, piling on top of you and hanging from any limb they could find.

Chenle jumping into your arms hugging you, feeling Jaemin on one arm and Jisung on the opposite, you’re pretty sure Jeno is latched on your left leg, while Haechan was fighting Renjun for the other. They were all in a fit of laughter, so happy that you were at the dorms when their schedule was over for the day, and you’d be lying if you said it didn’t make you feel on top of the world. If it wasn’t for Johnny taking up so much space already, these kids would have your whole heart.

“Hey, try not to suffocate Y/N ok? She’s not a jungle gym, get off of her!” Johnny tries to scold them.

“Noona,” Chenle says, still in your arms while the others begin climbing off of you, “I’m so happy you’re here!” he grins widely. You smile back, and as you start peeling him off, asking why that would that be. “Now you can watch movies with us!” Haechan exclaims. “Plus, you can’t forget you’re my player two!” Jaemin says, “You’re going down this time, no cheating!” he says, glaring at Jeno and Jisung, sending them into a bicker of whether or not Jeno shoving controllers out of hands was cheating, or a “strategy” as he calls it.

Johnny threw a look of worry your way, knowing you wouldn’t think anything over before you answered their request.

“Sure!” You exclaimed.

While cheers erupted from the younger members, Johnny shot a look at you that didn’t look so thrilled. Before another word could be said, the horde of them began running downstairs, already fighting on which movie to watch or what video game they could best each other in, while you were left with an arms crossed, foot tapping Johnny.

“Y/N-” “I know what you’re gonna say,” you started, “You can’t baby them all the time, they can hear the word no, don’t you have work to be doing?” you say, doing your best to mock his tones and hand gestures in hopes of making him laugh so he’d loosen up a little bit.

He sighs, and lightly rolls his eyes a little, while a smirk starts forming on his face that he tries to hide. When he walks over to you, he places his hands on your cheeks and makes you look him in his eyes. While he raises an eyebrow to see if you would dare lie to him when he asks, “Are you sure you’ll be ok if you take the time to do this with them?” and you just smile and nod.

“It’ll be fine Johnny, I won’t do too much, I promise. We’ll watch the movie, and that’s it!” You said confidently, although you didn’t think it sounded too convincing, and by the way he squinted his eyes at you a little before letting go of your face, you don’t think he thought so either. “Okay,” he lightly sighed again, “Go on the-”

“NOONAAAAAAA LET’S GOOOOOOO!” Jisung screams from downstairs in their living area.

You couldn’t help but smile and laugh, not only at how unapologetic these kids were about being themselves, impatient and loud, but at how Johnny’s eye tensed and twitched just a little every time they had an outburst, when he was supposed to be the patient one out of the two of you.

Making your best attempt at standing on your tiptoes, you place a hurried kiss on your boyfriend's beautiful lips, and excitedly start running downstairs. Johnny might not have been happy about you leaving your homework behind, but he’d be lying if he said you finally smiling for just a second, didn’t make his chest flutter.

By the time you hit the bottom of the steps, you notice the movie queued up on Netflix, but a significant lack of snacks and drinks on the table, and multiple pairs of eyes on you. “Oh, no..” you thought to yourself with a heavy mental sigh.

“Y/nnnn” Renjun cooed your name, making Haechan and Jeno sit up from the floor with excited smiles on their faces. “Noona! Can we have-” and before Chenle could even finish his sentence, you were already making your way into the kitchen, knowing the usual snacks and sugar filled drink these demons craved during movies.

Haechan scurried from the floor, with a happy and hungry Jaemin behind him, coming to help you either carry, or make food to bring to others. Help should be used lightly, because half of the time you had to either scold Haechan for eating everything you made, or yell at Jaemin, who thought tossing things around was a great way to ‘pass the time’ of food cooking.

Finally, everything was set, food was done, snacks were on the table, the movie was ready and you got comfortable on the couch. While Chenle was settling in his usual spot between your legs, Haechan and Jeno resuming their spots on the floor closest to the food, and the others taking open spots on the couch, you took a glance at the clock. Somehow, an hour had already managed to pass by, which immediately had you feeling slightly tense, because that was an hour you planned to invest in the movie, and not making food.

“Fuck,” you cursed at yourself mentally, “that’s not gonna leave me with much or any time for my assignment due tomorrow” you thought to yourself. Taeyong already texted you earlier, asking to start practice even sooner tonight because his later schedule changed.

The boys had finally started up the horror movie they picked out, and now that you knew you were running extremely low on time, you couldn’t quite focus on what was happening, and started reanalyzing your agenda for the day. You didn’t have too many nervous ticks, but one thing you did was subconsciously pick at the sides of your nails when you were either nervous, stressed or just thinking really deeply. Right about now, you could feel the stinging in your hands, indicating maybe you’ve already dug a little too deep on your thumb nails.

Again, you worked really well under pressure, but there was a difference between working well under pressure, and trying to attempt the impossible. Immediately the anxiety started eating at you, and as if right on cue, Johnny walks out of his room and hovers over the balcony that stands above the living area.

“How goes the movie?” He asks, more so looking at you because what he really wanted to ask was more along the lines of ‘is it almost over?’ “Shhh Hyung! It just started!” Jeno exclaimed, eyes glued to the television. Johnny’s eyes quickly widened, but then instantly narrowed at you in disappointment.

It’s ironic really, how you were the oldest, and supposed to be the more mature one sitting on the couch, surrounded by the youngest members of their group, but Johnny could instantly make you feel like an adolescent that didn’t clean their room like they were asked to three times.

In his defense, He wasn’t a controlling boyfriend in any way shape or form, however, he was an incredibly caring one. He knew from the beginning you had an issue or two when it came to prioritizing school over pleasing your friends. The sudden urge of always wanting to be of use or helpful to the people you loved, to the point of ignoring your own responsibilities. Although most people wouldn’t say that’s a terrible trait, you’ve expressed your frustrations with that habit to Johnny multiple times, and all he wanted to do was make sure you nailed these finals so you could be content, stress free, and happy.

You excused yourself from the couch, leaving mumbled whines from the younger ones who were treating you as a pillow, and made your way upstairs to Johnny. Before you could even start hurling excuses his way, he walked into his room with you following behind him, and he shut the door.

Turning around, he instantly held his hands on the sides of your face so you couldn’t avoid his gaze. He knew you’d never necessarily deceive him.. but he also knew you tended to avoid people's eyes if you felt like the heat was on you.

“Babe, why’d you lie to me?” he asked, looking you directly in the eye. You scrunched your nose, “What are you talking about? I didn’t lie to you!” saying a little harsher than you intended.

He dropped his hands and walked over to your pile of schoolwork, and the vague thought crosses your mind that you didn’t remember leaving your planner open like that, did you? Did he go through your schedule?

Johnny sighed, “You said you’d be ok if you stopped working for a bit, but look at this,” he said, opening your planner wide for you to look at, “Babe, this is so much more work than you said you had to do.”

Hearing it out loud was one of the last phrases you needed at the moment, and instantly started picking at your nails again.

“Are Ten and Taeyong really making you practicing this much during the week? I’ve told them how much these finals mean for your grade.” he said a little aggravated. Glancing at your arms crossed behind your back, Johnny walked over and picked up your hands to hold them in his, “Honey, look at your poor hands!” he exclaimed, “We’ve talked about this, why can’t you just tell people no?-” Johnny kept ranting, and you stopped listening, because now you had to think of how to get Johnny off your back about dancing, and you’re not sure what snapped inside but that was it, the stress hit.

“Why can’t you just back off, Johnny!?” you asked harshly, ripping your hands from his. “Do you really think standing here and throwing how much work I have in front of my face is going to help me? Like I don’t already know how little time I have to do anything?” you spat.

The room fell eerily silent, not even hearing the muffled sounds of the movie downstairs going anymore. Maybe you were so flustered you couldn’t hear anything but white noise anymore.

“I have to practice that much with them because I can’t be the one to hold back their performances, or alter their schedules, they’re already so busy-” “But so are yo-” “I can do it Johnny!” You exclaimed. “I can finish this work, I can spend time with the kids, I can do these performances, I can spend time with you, and I don’t need you on my back about it ok!?” You said, your voice escalating the longer the list went on.

Johnny dropped the planner he had in his hand, his facial expressions falling with it. You realized what you had just done, exploding from all your anxiety on the one single person who cared enough to even pay attention to your busy life. Here’s the problem, even then you were way too stubborn to express that realization in the moment.

Another bullet point anyone could add to a presentation on why Johnny was the most amazing human, person, and boyfriend on the planet, he knew you were too heated to express your wrong in the moment, and decided to take matters into his own hands.

Before he did though, he let the painful silence fill the room for a while. It was like his form of punishment for you for not admitting your wrong. Not even a full minute went by, but it felt like an hour. His hard gaze was on you, and it was like you were suffocating. Holding your arms together, eyes on the floor and feet shuffling in little spaces back and forth on the floor, he sighed and caved in.

“Babe, look at me.” He said sternly, but still somehow sounded so soft.

You couldn’t, you scrunched your lips together and looked at his chest. You heard a light hearted “tskk” leave his mouth, knowing that was your smartass way of looking at him but not quite, and started walking towards you.

He planted his feet in front of you, and wrapped one of his arms behind your back, and the other around the back of your head, resting some of your hair in his hand before pulling you into his chest. This gesture from him had about the same effect as him asking ‘are you okay’ and the tears just started flowing.

“Listen to me,” He says, planting a long, continuous kiss on your forehead and continued, “I never said that you can’t do that, ok?” All you did was nod your head, containing the sniffles in your nose and lump in your throat, as your ruin your poor boyfriends' shirt with all the silent, frustrated tears falling from your eyes.

“I know you can do all those things. In fact the way I see it, you can do absolutely anything,” he cupped your face and wiped some mascara stains from under your eyelids, “I’m upset because if anything, Tae and Ten might just be scared you’ll blow them out of the water, so if anything they should practice more and give you a break.”

He got a light chuckle to leave your chest before he continued, “I’m upset because I’ve told the kids many times you have a lot to do and they still wiggle their way into your schedule,”

You huffed, knowing good and well he was implying it’s because you let them, “Overall, I’m upset because I’m watching you lose sleep, night after night, to keep up with everything you’re trying to do,” he pushed his forehead against yours, “You just worry me so much.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist, and nuzzled your face into his chest.

“I just want to be better.” you said, quietly. “I get where you’re coming from.. especially with how much I scold you about working too hard before and during your comebacks, but I hate feeling like I’m disappointing people I love, Johnny.”

He let out one of his famous air filled, angelic like laughs, and you learned back with furrowed eyebrows wondering what was just so funny about your pouring your heart out to him.

“First of all,” he said, “You’re not letting anyone down. If anything, everyone has you on a pedestal because they think you’re their own personal Super Woman.” Which made you roll your eyes, but deep down inside smile.

You huffed, “and second?” you questioned, looking him in the eyes.

“You’re really cute when you’re mad!” He exclaimed, grabbing your cheeks and pushing them together like you were a baby. “Johnny, stop it!” You yelled pushing away from him and swatting his hands away. “I am not! I’m terrifying if anything!” you demanded, stomping your foot.

It took a minute or two for Johnny to recover from a fit of laughter that retort had brought upon him. You just huffed and sat on the bed, slightly pouting, waiting for him to take you seriously.

Basically, wiping tears of laughter away, Johnny walked over to the bed and sat next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulder. “Look,” he said lifting your chin, “Let me help you sometimes. Let’s get passed these finals, and we’ll go from there, ok?”

You smiled, not because Johnny was so willing to help, but because you were lucky enough to have Johnny in the first place. He was so caring, patient, and understanding, and had so many qualities you wanted to learn from. His very existence just made you want to be the best person you could be.

This time, the silence that now occupied the room, didn’t feel suffocating. You felt content, resting your head on Johnny’s shoulder and snuggling closer, just enjoying his presence.

*THUD*

You jumped up from the bed and onto your feet with Johnny, both of you on the verge of a brief heart attack when the bed room door slammed opened wide, spilling out a group of boys. Haechan on the bottom of them all, followed by Chenle, Jisung, Jaemin, Jeno, and a Renjun standing on his feet proud and tall.

“I told you not to all lean on the door like that” he said smugly smiling, crossing his arms. You and Johnny both rolled your eyes, while the boys pushed and shoved each other to get to their feet, acting as if they all hadn’t just been caught red handed eavesdropping.

“We’re sorry..” Chenle genuinely said, looking down, like his feet were now the most interesting thing in the world.

“It’s not like it’s the first time you’ve been caught listening through doors..” Johnny said, crossing his arms and starring at the younger group, like a parent who caught his kids getting snacks before dinner.

“What?” Haechan questioned, “We’re not sorry about listening to your conversation!?” he said, almost scoffing and laughing at Johnny. With how quickly Johnny’s face deadpanned, had you borderline cackling.

“We’re sorry if we caused you any stress..” Jaemin said, looking directly at you. “Or if we put you behind on any work.” Jeno added, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. “We just really like spending time with you, y/n.” Renjun finished.

Your face softened significantly, and your chest was absolutely filled with butterflies because of the love these boys, Johnny included, could make you feel sometimes.

“It’s okay guys, no worries, I just might be on a tight schedule for the next few weeks ok?” They all shook their heads in understanding, and looked at each other, smirks forming. Before you thought anything of it, they were all running towards you and tackling you on the bed. The room filled with laughter, while Johnny was still standing near the foot of the bed with his arms crossed like he was left out, but way too cool to join in.

“Alright, it’s still MY room and MY bed so why don’t you guys-”

You miraculously jumped out of the pile of boys, and jumped on Johnny’s back, making him fall backwards into the bed with everyone else, making him also erupt into laughter.

- Maybe you couldn’t take on the whole world by yourself, but if you remembered to tell yourself from time to time to breathe, it was going to be ok. You did have the best role model in your life, after all -

#johnny suh #johnny seo #NCT #nct dream #nct127 #stress #college #reader #fanfiction #fanfic #love #fluff #deadline #Imagine #scenario #nct scenarios #student

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solara-bean · 4 years

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This is the very extensive and detailed rant of a fed up black, female student of class 2020

-You are free to scroll past this if you want. I really just needed to get this off my chest. But if you have advice or are experiencing a similar situation, feel free to message me-

So first off, I haven't liked going to school since I was 9. And highschool has only deepened my loathing of it. But maybe I don't hate school in general. Maybe I just hate the schools I've gone to ( 4 in total ). This rant is about highschool specifically. Perhaps what I'm about to type is normal and I'm overreacting. But I'm tired of not talking about my problems because I'm worried that I'll sound like an ungrateful brat. Typing/ writing about my issues makes me feel better. And I really need to feel better.

So here are the main points in order of severity: Low income, Advisory, Graphic Arts and Discipline/Work Ethic

Low Income:

I've only ever gone to low income schools in my neighborhood. I hoped high school would be different but thanks to the crappy education of my old school and an even crappier selective enrollment test score, I couldn't get into the schools I wanted. Then again my single mother probably couldn't afford those other schools anyway.

My highschool shares a building with another highschool. And unfortunately they called dibs on the best features and have control of the heating and ac. We don't even have our own gym. We also have the least amount of space with the smallest class being mine of 144 seniors. So there's a lot of packed classrooms.

Speaking of having way too many students, recourses are slim as a result. Our best equipment, chromebooks, need to be reserved weeks in advance by the teacher and even then they still may not be able to get enough of them for their class. Said chromebooks can often be missing keys, not work at all or be stolen easily because of their small size.

A few other issues are terrible lunches ( I've been bringing lunch from home since sophmore year), very limited field trips, mice infestation, very few clubs ( if we have any idk ) and teachers have to pay for just about everything class related.

Advisory:

Advisories were created to prepare us for greek life in college. I honestly think it's to keep everyone in check but ok. Even so I have absolutely 0 interest in anything frat or sorority related ( no offense to those who do ) as well as many of my classmates but advisory is mandatory.

My first 2 years of advisory were hell. Most of my advisory sisters were either people I'd never talk to because we weren't in the same class, had nothing in common or they were straight up terrible people. I should mention that freshman year has the worst students because about 30% don't make to the next grade or just transfer. Most of my advisory sisters I had problems with were in that 30% ( a few had already repeated ).

Since I kept to myself there were very few incidents were I was put into a tense situation with them. The main conflicts involved our advisor, who I guarantee you was not the problem. She was essentially a poor, white, optimistic, young math teacher from out of town that was thrown to the slaughter. And my cowardly self watched not wanting to be next.

She ended up leaving by junior year so what was left of my advisory merged with another and got a new advisor. The only downside is that our new advisor is a firm believer in " sisterhood " and no cliques ( even if you converse easier with a certain group of people and advisory is already a forced clique in itself ). Maybe I'd be more up for advisory events , which we rarely have , if my advisory experience wasn't sullied so early on.

Graphic Arts:

The reason I chose my school was because it had an art class. In seventh grade I knew I wanted to have a career in art and that my talent was lacking but had potential. So you can imagine my horror when I learned that the art teacher had left once I'd gotten there.

I was sad but stayed positive and even highly recommended them to get another art teacher. Then by sophomore we got an art after school program ( 4:25 to 6 twice a week ). I managed to keep my grades the same and take the classes every week for the entire school year. I only missed about 4 days total. For once I actually enjoyed staying after school.

The class taught me so much and I didn't have to wait for the summer to take an art class downtown. Even better I got to interact with other young artists of my race ( there was usually only one other black kid at the summer classes ). Everything was finally looking up.

Then the art galleries happened. The school hosted one per semester. I brought my art to display but I couldn't stay cuz of a shitload of math homework. I got complimented the next day but still regretted not staying. So I vowed to attend the next one with even more pieces than before.

The night finally came and I was hyped. Me and two seniors were in charge of doing caricatures for free ( one senior gave me a dollar tho ). I had fun with that but noticed something weird...none of our art was displayed.

Apparently they cut it out for time along with the theatre clubs performance. And I would've been fine with that. If my family hadn't come.

The icing on the cake was when they turned off the lights in the hallway where we were drawing the caricatures so they could start the show for the performing art groups. I couldn't contact my family until the show was over and booooiii were they pissed. Especially my mom. I was more sad than anything. I had a feeling my school valued the performing art more and this just proved that. At least now we have an actual art class. And my art teacher is awesome and supportive as hell.

Discipline/ Work Ethic:

These are together cuz they've equally fucked me up. Don't get me wrong. I have a 4.2 gpa and 0 detentions.

The problem is my classmates.

I have been to soooo many class/school meetings about behavior and grade issues over the past 4 years. One of which a staff member said " now i know all of ain't bs-in' but why aren't those people helping the ones who are."

Like wow! Thanks. I hate it.

I'd be happy to help my fellow classmates. It's just that their version of help is cheating off my tests and copying my homework.

So yeah my bad. I've been sooo selfish.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I've been told that I'm doing a good job directly and not in front of a class as a way to embarrass them.

This year behavior was so bad that they made a competition to see which advisory would get the least demerits. Big mistake. My heart goes out to all the poor well behaved students who lost because of a few advisory mates. It only takes one. The record for most demerits in a day was 30 I think.

I forgot the competition was going on at some point cuz I've only gotten 2 demerits in 4 years. My advisory won second and we played the waiting game for our prize only to have a pizza party with 17 other advisories. The winning advisory was salty as hell. But hey we got free lunch at least.

I managed to get good grades simply by doing everything on time and having no social life. This was by choice really. I promised myself I'd do better in college but now I gotta study for ap.

It was actually ap literature that gave me a new perspective on my classmates work ethic. We were given a lengthy reading assignment but the due date was stretched by two class days and the weekend. Even though I'd been mentally drained lately ( by lately I mean since the 1st week of school ) and had other work to do, I completed it with slightly less annotations.

Upon the due date I discovered that I and one other classmate completed the reading. Even the valedictorian didn't do it!!! And this wasn't a one time thing either.

In fact my class is notorious for never doing work on time. I'm talking completing-a-project-in-the-class before-the-it's -due- for bad. And some people I understand. Some of them really need help and resources. But every one else. Excuses excuses. The extended due dates gave me extra free time but it made the work I completed on time feel pointless. Like I could've just not done it and not face any consequences.

I tried that and was stressed out all day to the point of doing the work anyway. School's got me whipped I guess.

So if I hate highschool so much why do I go on time everyday, miss at most 3 days a year, do my work, behave myself and study??? Simple. I'm trying to get out. Having a good gpa and test scores will get me more scholarships cuz God knows my mom can't afford art college ( I got into my first choice so yeah:). Really highschool has just been a means to an end.

I've had my good days and have made some friends but I really just wanna run to hills with my diploma in hand. And thats what's kept me going. But now we're quarantined.

And my school has decided to make work optional.....and I have all A's......

Needless to say I've barely done any work at all. If we never have to go back theres a good chance I won't. I'm so numb at this point that I don't care that we may not have a prom ( aka the only dance I was ever going to go to ).

I'm just done. Done and fed up.

But thank you to my mom, family, bestie, teachers and my classmates that actually want to have a future for keeping me going. If I don't completely give up it's thanks to you. Future me, I hope you get everything you want at art school:)

#school #highschool #class of 2020 #2020 #senior year #rant #lomg rant #if anyone wants to share their shitty highschool experience feel free #i actually left a lot of stuff out #like the freshman year camping trip #and social media drama #and spanish class #ughh im getting flashbacks #if you read this thanks it means a lot😊💗💗💗

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yourlocalmusicalprostitute · 5 years

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Stay John Deacon x Reader

A/N: Hi! This is the first imagine? Blurb? (If someone could give me a crash course on the lingo that'd be great) that Ive ever written for tumblr. I tend to associate people with colors, songs, symbols, and animals. This just so happened to be inspired by a song that puts me in the mind Deaky & I thought I'd give writing it a shot. The song is linked below, if it doesnt work DM me and Ill send it. Im also okay with request/prompts if any of yall want that. Feedback is more than welcome :)

Warnings: lots of fluff & a pinch of angst but not really

Pairings: John Deacon x reader, Joe!john x reader

Word count: 942

Tag list: @filmslutt @queenlover1997

youtube

"One sugar please." John quietly requested after you asked him if he would like a coffee. You took your time getting the sugar for the both of you. It was hard to sit beside John and pretend as if everything were normal when it was the exact opposite.

The tiny life you and John built over the summer was coming to an end. Watching him shuffle around the stages of various clubs, clinking glasses that filled with laughter when the alcohol was gone, and waking up to drink coffee on your small couch while in each others embrace was coming to an end. Tomorrow you'll be in transit back to your hometown, back to uni, and back to being alone.

You huffed trying to put a smile on your face for John. He muttered a few times how he wished you could stay, but he would shake the thought away as soon as you tried to question further.

You hummed lightly to grab John's attention from the magazine he had distracted himself with while you were in the kitchen. "Thank you, love." John took a cautious sip from his mug before setting it down. He threw his arm onto the back of the couch, a silent call for you to lean closer and you did.

"You've been awfully quiet." John mentioned. His hand had traveled to your upper arm gripping you sweetly.

"I know." Was all you could manage to say. You had a feeling that if you spoke you'd put a damper on your last day together because all you'll be able to talk about is how you had to leave.

"Well what's troubling you?" Theres the question you knew John was going to ask. You sighed, shifting yourself further downward so your head was lying on John's chest accompanying it with your hand.

"You know why, I have to leave tomorrow and-"

John didn't let you continue, "Yes, well, we can't sulk about it. It won't make our situation any better."

You huffed. "Easy for you to say. You get to live out your dream. Frankly I don't even know what mine is." John remained silent knowing you needed to vent.

"You look so good out there Deaky. You, the band, you guys rock the roof off of every place you plug into." You began to fiddle with a button on John's shirt something you had made a habit of doing in the three months you spent with him.

"And," after a pause you continued, "I know for sure you guys are going places. Those tiny stages won't be able to hold you much longer."

Lovingly, John pressed a kiss to the top of your head. "It means nothing if you aren't there to witness it." His voice was low and it caused a wave of chills to roll across your body. You slighted your head upwards to lock eyes with John; he was already watching you.

"John..." Your voice trailed off involuntarily. You had words to say, but you immediately lost them while looking at John.

Why did he always have this effect on you? John was the first man whose touch could calm you when anxious. His drunken dance moves left you in stitches. You didn't mind his bed hair, or smoking, or bath towels he was known to leave behind. Most of all, John found ways to leave you speechless with just his eyes. That was more then any person who had ever spoken you could say.

Brian often said, "You've got a quick tongue, Y/n. Wit to be admired, truly."

But John tore all of that away. At a glance you could feel all of your vocabulary fly out of your head. In a painfully cliche manner, John took your breathe and words away.

"You have a semester to go, yeah?" John inquired and you nodded.

"Technically, yes."

"Then stay." He requested simply.

"Its not that simple I-" for the second time John cut you off.

"Just until after Christmas. Brian, Rog, Fred, and I won't have nearly enough money to record in a studio until next spring.That's how I'll keep myself occupied while you go to school. Just stay a little while longer."

You sat in silence for a few moments letting John's words sit with you. He was right, you could stay. But your mind took the pessimistic outcomes and brought them to the front lines of your thoughts. If things didn't work out between you two then what? You'd still have to wait until the spring semester anyway, but the time would be wasted. How well would this go over with your parents?

John broke the silence between you once again. "Please." His plea was barely a whisper. He was begging for you.

"I- alright, I'll stay." You sat up to face John completely and his entire demeanor changed. The light and joy John radiated would put the sun to shame.

John pulled you into him. He peppered tiny kisses on your face and neck making you giggle. "I love you." He mumbled into your skin still giving you kisses.

You were waiting on him to say those words as you had been itching to say them yourself but didn't in fear of rejection. The words seemed to roll off of his tongue as if he had been saying it forever, and when John was alone he had been. John didn't truly realized he had confused his love for you until the words came tumbling out of your mouth.

"I love you too." With that you swallowed and then smiled at the feeling of John's large warm hands grabbing your waist lovingly.

#john deacon #deaky #john deacon x reader #john deacon x you #john deacon x y/n #yourlocalmusicalprostitute

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1-800-yugyeom · 5 years

Note

could you write a blackpink female reader x rose smut in which rose is very dominant and jealous? thank you

ugh i love jealous doms anon why are you doing this to me i need to be studying.

listen i think we can all agree that rosé is BEAUTIFUL like her visuals are downright killer right and there’s not a thing that could make you want anybody but her

and she knows that. not only bc you’ve told her on several occasions, but also bc she knows how you look at her when you think she’s too preoccupied to notice ;)))))

and she also knows that you would never do anything to jeopardize your relationship and she trusts you 100%

but on the other hand.. she’s aware that you’re incredibly gorgeous as well, even more so in her opinion

and as much as she trusts you, she has a hard time trusting other ppl around you

bc at the end of the day you’re HER girl and she doesn’t want anyone to the idea in their head that you’ll ever ever be theirs

she tries her best to keep her jealousy at bay and to never take out her anger and frustration at other ppl on you

especially over something as trivial as a brief touch or a fleeting comment or a wink in your direction

but unfortunately sometimes there are occasions where the “harmless” flirting goes too far for rosé to just.. stand there and watch

she hates the feeling of jealousy. it washes over her in hot waves, making her stomach turn and acid form in the back of her throat in the shape of searing insults that are in no way tasteful, elegant, or roseanne-like.

and sometimes she can stand there and suppress her emotions, especially when you quickly brush the person off or very bluntly state something like “my girlfriend is sitting right there”

but sometimes you let things go too long for rosé’s liking, either out of obliviousness or just bc you’re too nice she’s not sure, but she doesn’t like it one bit

like when the two of you attend a party held by one of your close mutual friends on a random friday night

you’ve both been stressed from work all week so when rosé had managed to get out of the practice studio early enough

you decided to release your frustrations by drowning yourselves in alcohol and loud music.

you would have the rest of the weekend to cuddle and catch up on lost time that work took away from you, now was a chance to have some fun and let loose

except rosé couldn’t

not with the way she could see from afar, the woman standing next to you getting closer and closer with every passing second

this was the exact reason she had barely left your side the entire night. she just wanted to get the two of you some drinks to speed up the de-stressing process.

however it seemed like every time she left, someone took it as an open invitation to take her place

and she was tired of it.

tired but still very very angry

she felt the familiar tightness in her throat and burn behind her eyes as she watched the girl fiddle with the buttons on your red cardigan and check you out very openly

you had accepted a drink from her, you let her touch your arm

almost in a trance she continued to watch your interactions, unable to jump out of line and go to you or to run out of the house in angry tears

she watched the expressions on your face and found herself getting angrier and angrier, were you enjoying this? did you know she was watching and wanted her to suffer?

all the confidence she had in the fact that you only want her is crumbling fast and it’s being replaced by ugly doubt

meanwhile you’re trying ceaselessly to end the conversation with this very obviously drunk girl, which had started innocently enough

she had come up to you, saying that she could’ve sworn the two of you had met before and that she knew you

and instantly she looked vaguely familiar, until you realized that she was a past one night stand of yours from college

you immediately felt a cold pit open up in your stomach but despite this, you decided to play it safe and continued to be polite

even as hazy memories of a filled bar and a tiny dorm room resurfaced, instantly setting off warning bells in your head and making guilt brew in the pit of your stomach

you quickly came up with a half-true reply, “oh yeah, um, we took that psych class together a few semesters ago i think.”

from the look in her eyes.. she knew that you remembered more than just the class

“right! oh my god i can remember sticking pretty close to you because you did so well in that class,” she said, making sure to emphasize just how close you were by laying a hand on your arm.

from there she made the decision to move into more.. intimate territory

playing with the ends of your hair as she asks you if you came alone, what your plans were later tonight, if you could ditch them

all of which you answered honestly, not wanting her to think there was any gray area or possibly that you could recreate your night together

however she didn’t take the hint and rosie still wasn’t back yet

the girl had handed you a drink, which you now held but still hadn’t taken a drink of. it wasn’t the kind you liked.

not the kind you knew rosie was coming back with, you thought guiltily.

at the thought of rosie you began to scan the room to look for her coming back, not even noticing the other girl getting closer and closer to you

however she yanked your attention back when she took one of the buttons on your sweater between her fingers and complimented your fashion sense, all while she raked her eyes down your form fitting outfit

let’s just say you were thoroughly uncomfortable at this point

you choked out a quick “thanks” and took a few steps back, lifting up onto your tip-toes to look over the crowd for a familiar head of blonde hair

you feel the girl slide her hand down your stomach to your hip

which is when you spot the love of your life on the opposite end of room, standing by the drink table with steam coming out of her ears while she looks directly at you

your eyes meet and you can see it, the anger, the jealousy, the doubt

as much as you want to move forward, your feet stay rooted to your spot as you stare back at her with wide eyes

visibly furious, she stomped back over to where she had left you not even 5 minutes ago

if you wouldn’t let people know you were hers, then she would do it herself

and she wasn’t coming for you, no, she was walking straight towards the other girl

which is embarrassingly enough the first time you realized you were about to have a problem on your hands

throwing the other girl’s hand down and rushing to meet rosé halfway you grabbed both of her wrists, halting her movements

her skin was hot to the touch, face screwed up and cheeks red

she looked absolutely, terrifyingly beautiful

gently, you tried to coax her gaze from your admirer back to you, rubbing your thumb against her flushed cheek and guiding it towards you

“hey baby calm down okay? let’s just go home, will you please take me home?”

her eyes finally moved to your face and you watch her nostrils flare, her teeth grit together

and you realize she wasn’t just angry at the girl at the bar, she was angry at you too

the next thing you know her lips are being pressed roughly against yours in a searing kiss, no doubt intended to draw attention and show her possession over you

rosé doesn’t stop there however, pulling your body in flush against her and moving her hands from your waist to your ass, squeezing harshly

she kisses you with everything she has, showing you all the emotions flowing through her right now. it takes your breath away with how passionate it is, almost like she’s trying to prove something to you, something to everyone.

you pull away a minute later, unable to breathe from the intensity of the kiss. rosé is still staring at you with stormy eyes, just as angry as before but now you could tell with the way her pupils had dilated, also slightly turned on.

“hope that got the point across to your friend,” she said shortly before tugging you out the door and away from the party.

still pulling you by the arm, she makes a beeline straight for the car.

despite still being extremely angry, she still opens your car door for you, waiting patiently for you to climb in and then slamming it shut, making you wince.

she climbs into the driver’s side, quickly putting on her seatbelt and starting the car.

you look at her, reaching up to tuck a stray piece of hair behind her ear and taking a deep breath before opening your mouth.

“chae, i can explain-“

“i think you’ve done enough tonight,” she bit back, a displeased look still evident on her face.

luckily you see her cheeks started to cool down, her shoulders become more relaxed, and you know being inside the house was overwhelming her.

“i know you’re angry but we need to talk about this,” you try to say with a reassuring look, met with nothing but a frown and a cold glare.

“then talk,” she says.

sighing you take her hand back into your own, drawing little shapes on the back with your thumb while you think of what to say “she’s just someone i had a class with a long time ago”

“oh yeah because ex-classmates feel each other up and tug on each other’s clothes, right? you sure you didn’t know each other a little better than that?”

“okay, yeah?! so what?? we fucked. a long time ago, before i even knew you. but it’s not MY fucking fault that she didn’t get it the first OR second time i said i had a girlfriend and you were nowhere to be seen!”

you knew as soon as it came out of your mouth that would only make chae angrier. neither of you had ever mentioned past hookups or relationships for the other’s sanity. you knew it drove rosé crazy to hear you talk about anyone else.

but you had reached the end of your patience. you didn’t want to fight and the fact that chaeyoung wouldn’t listen when you told her the flirting was unsolicited only made you more desperate to get your point across.

“put on your seatbelt. now.” she said in a demanding tone.

“what the hell chaeyoung, i want to talk to you-“

“yeah well i’ve heard enough” she stated matter-of-factly.

“we’re going home baby, isn’t that what you wanted?” she said a moment later, tone more velvety and threatening.

this was the same voice she used when she told you beg, when she told you she was very displeased with your behavior and that you were to be punished now, when she told you to touch yourself for her-

the same voice she used when you were in for a long night.

the ride home was tense, the dominant aura coming off rosé in waves, letting you know that you didn’t stand a chance tonight and that excited you.

however you still felt the need to get everything solved before you got home, whether it was a good idea or not.

“rosie, please talk to me right now so i can figure out what you’re thinking,” you said softly, not wanting your voice to come off as a command. there would be nothing that she would hate more right now than feeling like she being given orders.

silence followed your request

you heard her suck in a deep breath, letting it back out shakily, and you feel the mood in the car shift

rosé pulls the car off onto the side of the road and just sits with her hands on the steering wheel before turning the key and everything goes painfully quiet until-

“you know what, who the fuck did that girl think she was.”

you jump in surprise at rosé’s sudden outburst, taken aback but still glad that she’s decided to open up her end of the conversation

“i don’t know, baby. i told her i came with you and that i wasn’t interested but she wouldn’t listen,” you explained calmly, desperate for her to understand that none of this happened bc of anything you did.

“you told her that?” she asks cautiously, almost like she can’t believe you tell people you’re taken, which was such a silly thought. you were so in love with her.

you nodded in response to her question.

“why wouldn’t i?”

you see rosé glance down at her hands, an unsure expression taking over her features.

“j-just.. you’re happy right? there’s nothing else anybody else could give you that would make you even consider-“

“absolutely not,” you say before she can finish her sentence. “and of course i’m happy, rosie. some random girl flirting with me at a party isn’t going to suddenly make me forget that.”

you watch her nod, still looking at her hands sitting in her lap, most likely gathering her thoughts.

slowly she looked up, locking eyes with you and staring at you hard, making you almost feel like she was staring past your eyes and straight into your soul.

“good. i’m not ever gonna let you forget how happy you are with me,” she said with the same dark tone from earlier, lips angling into a smirk, “starting now. go get in the backseat.”

your eyes widen comically, playing right into rosé’s desires. she wanted you to anticipate what was coming next.

“don’t make me repeat myself, babygirl,” she warned, rousing you enough to undo your seatbelt and open your door, complying with her orders in a way that you know will please her.

as you climb into the back, she continues to sit cooly in the front seat watching you through the mirror as you await her next orders

“strip down, baby. i want you completely naked when i come back there.”

with your cheek flushing, you slip your short red cardigan off your shoulders, placing it on the seat beside you.

you do the same with your back camisole and then kick off your sneakers, reaching down to undo the button and zipper on your skinny jeans. you do a very awkward shuffle out of them, almost having to rip them off with their combined tightness and the limited space you had to undress.

in your defense, you had imagined rosé taking them off you at the end of the night.

you catch rosé’s eyes in the mirror, the stupid smirk still on her lips and mirth dancing in her eyes, obviously amused by your struggle.

you pause when you reach your undergarments, starting to feel the oddness of being mostly naked and alone in the back while your girlfriend sat in the front, completely clothed.

“all the way. i’m not coming back until you’ve followed directions.”

wow, what an evil woman. how was this fair?

sighing, you swallow down your shame, unclasping your bra and throwing in into the front seat along with your panties a second later.

rosé picked up your underwear off the seat, inspecting how wet they undeniably had become from the minute she had kissed you back at the party.

“good girl. i can see you’re enjoying this, angel. do you want me to come back now and help you out?”

“yes please.” being polite has always gotten you far with rosé and you were practically ready to say anything at this point to get her in the back with you.

the next thing you know, the door to your right is being pulled open and the cool is nipping at your naked body, giving you goosebumps all over.

she gets comfortable, making you straddle her even though you’re at a high risk of hitting your head off the ceiling of the car. luckily you’re preoccupied craning your neck downwards to finally kiss rosé again.

her tongue pokes at the outside of your lips until you open your mouth and allow it to enter, the feeling of her tongue rubbing against yours enough to make you moan out loud

to your disappointment, rosé pulls away shortly after that, silently spinning you around to face the front seats.

she spreads your legs to hook around each of her own, experimentally stroking up and down your heat, listening to the little whines that fall from your lips.

you sit, completely naked, on rosé’s lap with your back against her chest as she starts to rub your clit slowly, watching you writhe and squirm in her lap.

“who’s girl are you?” she asks sternly, a desperate lilt at the end of her sentence like she’ll explode if you tell her what she wants to hear.

“yours rosie, i’m all yours, oh my god-“ you moan as her speed increases.

she keeps you at a medium, if not kinda slowly and teasing, pace until she pulls her fingers away from your clit completely.

you make a pathetic sound at the loss of stimulation, but let out a happy sigh when she finds your entrance, now wetter than ever.

if you’ve learned nothing else about sex with rosé over the years, you at least know that she loves teasing.

which you’re really hating right now as she slowly pumps one finger in and out of you, not even bottoming out. just pushing in enough for you to really feel it drag along the inside of your walls and then take it away a moment later

the hand that isn’t torturing you, she uses to roll your nipples under her pointer finger, sending a tingling sensation straight to your core.

“please, please chaeyoung, finger me properly i’ll do anything,” you pleaded, finally reaching your breaking point.

she giggled, pleased with your begging but amused that you cracked after such a short amount of time. how cute.

“okay honey bunny but only because you’ve been so good for me so far,” she said, landing a sweet kiss on the back of your shoulder and then trailing them up to lay several open mouth smooches against your neck.

you’d probably have marks in the morning, but wasn’t that half the fun?

finally having mercy, rosé slipped another finger in alongside the first, crooking them upwards before thrusting them in and out shallowly.

the crude sound of your wet pussy filled the car as rosé sped up her fingers, stroking your walls while she thrusted quickly

that combined with the wet sucking noises of rosé’s mouth on your neck and the noises you couldn’t help spilling out of your mouth

your lover could tell the second she hit your g-spot, not only from recognizing the different texture within, but from the way your hips canted upwards and a half-shriek half-moan left your mouth.

from then on she tried her best to thrust her fingers into it every time, trying to get you to cum as fast as possible

not that she didn’t like drawing out your orgasms, but her hand was cramping in the position and there was more you could do at home anyway.

as she continued her steady rough pace, she began to talk to you,making the coil in your tummy tighten even more and bringing you closer to cumming

“do you like it when i leave marks on your pretty skin while i finger fuck you baby?”

“oh my god you’re leaking all over my lap and the seat, so dirty. are you gonna cum for me? make it even dirtier?”

“c’mon baby don’t you wanna be a good girl for me? yeah? then cum around my fingers. just like this.”

vision momentarily blurring and a mini explosion happening in your body, you finally obey rosé’s orders, cumming hard.

you take a few moments to regain the feeling in your legs, panting heavily before rolling off rosé’s lap and onto the leather seat beside her.

rosé affectionately rubs your bare thigh as you stare at her, soaking up her pretty features and putting getting dressed and breaking the intimate moment off for a second more.

“you ready to go, baby?” your gf asks after a long moment, gathering up your clothes from where they’ve been thrown around the car.

“what about you?” you ask, realizing that you still hadn’t reciprocated.

“i can wait until we get home,” she giggled, kissing your forehead when you let out a relieved sigh, glad that you wouldn’t have to deal with even more muscle cramps from having sex in the back of your small car.

“i love you, rosé,” you said as you began to tug your clothing back on. “i love you more than anything.”

the smile you got in response was absolutely breathtaking, spreading across her face so perfectly and then her eyes into little crescents.

“i love you too, (y/n). more than you’ll ever know.”

#rosé.#rose blackpink #park chaeyoung #park chaeyoung imagines #park chaeyoung smut #blackpink imagines #blackpink fanfiction #blackpink x reader #blackpink smut #this is so bad oof #I also just realized I called rosie like a hundred different nicknames throughout this fhksfhd

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hereforlukescruff · 5 years

Note

ok where do i start babe. im in class so lets pull this shit. imagine Luke being your TA in history class or some shit (i dunno fam i'm durnk dont @ me) and its one of those things where he was a one night stand and you peaced out the next morning without leaving any info and then you showed up first day of class to see he's your fucking TA. like. what the fuck. and he notices you for sure. its a small class. and now he's going to be marking your papers and shit and you're like holy fuck 1/?

and then, to make it worse. he’s your TA for your discussion class too where you talk about shit with only like 10 students and a TA and he takes roll call the first morning and says your name and you’re just like holy fuck because you can’t avoid now and all the other TA blocks are full. and he’s gorgeous and you’re like first: why the fuck did i peace out that morning and second: if he’s my TA does that mean i can’t fuck him again. and he’s your fucking TA so after the class ends 2/?

he asks you to stay and you can’t just say no in front of all these other students so you stay and he’s just like, “didn’t think id be seeing you again.” and you’re like fuck cuz you know you owe him an explanation for leaving that morning without even saying goodbye or leaving a phone number and you’re just like… “sorry. i uh… didn’t want to make it more than what it was.” and he’s like “i mean. i guess i can understand that.” and he lets you leave and you think thats going to be the 3/?

end of it but every class he’s so beautiful and he’s so smart and you find yourself falling harder and harder. you don’t know it but he’s totally falling for you too, especially reading your assignments and stuff, he’s starting to learn more about you and is like woah she’s actually really cute. so one day you show up to the small TA session and you’ve been drinking (#ME AM I RIGHT?) and you’re super impatient and he can tell you’re drunk so he asks you to stay after class and once everyone 4/?

is gone he turns to talk to you but you just kiss him. you can’t help yourself any more. and he leans into the kiss. lifting you up and setting you on the table as he goes between your legs and kisses you like his life depends on it. “i can’t stop thinking about you.” “you’re drunk.” he sighs but you are just like “maybe so but… it’s the truth.” and he believes you because he hasn’t been able to get you out of his head either. besides you’re not even that drunk anymore and you feel so good 5/?

and he’s just like fuck it and kisses you again. he pulls away and you whine but he just locks the door because at least one of you still has a brain. and then you just fuck. and im too drunk and in class to talk about it but it’s your turn babe. work your magic. FUCK ME UP MIRIAM. okay. im done now 6/6

……………………………………………………………………………………………

who’s fucking up who cause i’m choking djfdlsjkdlsjk

but imagine walking in to that class and you guys noticing each other and you’re both just like “fuck” in your head cause you’re not supposed to be his student and he’s definitely not supposed to be your teacher. you guys would quickly avert your eyes before the other students noticing what’s going on since you’re still trying to be professional. but now everything is awkward cause you’re the one who left that morning and when he asks you about it, you don’t have much of an answer other than the fact that it was just a fuck and he’s kinda taken aback but also like whatever he gets it, not like he was expecting you guys to fall in love or some shit.

it gets harder over the semester though cause now he’s your TA and he’s gorgeous and this is your favorite subject so you have this man who looks like the greek sculptures of old talking about how society’s decrease in ethics and morality made the fall of the roman empire predictable and how the effects of it are still echoing in today’s society. like okay he’s gorgeous and smart?? you have no chance of not falling for him. it’s especially difficult sitting in class cause every time you look up at him you just remember his lips sucking on your neck and his tongue swirling on your clit so you have to keep looking away before it’s too much.

you have no idea that he’s struggling just as much though, that every time you look at him or answer a question all he can think about was how wet and warm your pussy was when he was fucking you and that his pants start to get a bit tight which is why he goes and stands behind the podium for the rest of class. and then he sees your assignments are actually really well thought out and you’re raising points that none of the students even noticed so now he’s falling in love with your mind too? you both know the consequences of what would happen if you guys actually do this but at same time, it’s like the 10th week of the semester and you just can’t anymore

he’d know you’re a bit drunk when you walk in that day cause you’re louder than usual and your eyes aren’t as focused when he talks. but when class is over and everyone’s already left before you, your almost to the door when you stop in your tracks and just say “fuck it”. luke looks up at that and sees you coming towards him when you wrap your hands around his neck and bring his face down and smash your lips against his. his initial reaction is to grab you by the waist, bringing you closer to his chest. you gasp into his mouth when you feel his tongue at your lips but then he’s pushing you off. “we can’t do this, im your TA”. “i can’t stop thinking about you” you’d tell him breathless. “you’re drunk” he’d push away from you, running his hands through his hair. “not really and it doesn’t make it not true. i know you’ve thinking about me too.” you say walking closer to him. he looks you up and down, sighing, “if we do this….no one can know.” you smirk at that, knowing that you convinced him. “well then i guess you better lock the door” you’d say, walking towards the desk.

moving the loose papers to the side, you lift yourself onto the desk. luke goes to the door, making sure it’s locked and that no one is in the corridor. when he turns back he sees you sitting on the edge of the desk, your skirt bunched up at your hips, and legs spread as you wait for him. he feels his cock get hard at the sight of you, one hand behind your body to hold yourself up as the other is rubbing your clit over your panties. there’s nothing slow about it when luke comes over to you, his hand on your chest as he pushes you down to lie you against the desk. he’s already gotten your panties off when he moves his hand through your folds, it’s the build up of over two months frustration coming to a peak.

“all this for me?” he’d ask you when he feels how wet you are already, barely having even touched you. “i’m always wet for you” saying that has luke dropping to his knees in front of you, moving your legs over his shoulders as he goes in. his tongue at your clit when he says “still taste just as good as i remember”. you feel two of his fingers slip inside you as he sucks on your clit, you’d arch off the desk making his arm snake over your chest to hold you down. “oh shit” coming from your lips has luke working harder, knowing you’re about to cum which was right cause a few seconds later you cum over his tongue, moaning as you fall back against the desk. breathless, your hands fall away from luke’s head as you try to slow your heart rate.

getting off the ground, luke’s hands go to undo his belt as he stares at you. you look a mess with your eyes shut and your head against the desk. your skirt is bunched up over your hips, legs spread open with your pussy out. Luke wants this view imprinted in his brain cause he knows that it’s the hottest thing he’d ever see. “take off your shirt” he’d say as he pushes his pants down. opening your eyes you see luke standing in front of you with his cock in his hand as you quickly do as youre told.

with your shirt over your head and bra removed just as fast, luke bends over to catch a breast in his mouth while his hand goes to play with the other. your head falls back as his tongue rolls over your nipple. you snake a hand between you both to grab his cock in your fist, he moans against your breast as you start stroking him. your fingers are swirling the precum over the tip when he grabs your hand to stop you “if you don’t stop i’m gonna cum and i’d rather do that inside you, sweetheart”

luke would pull you from the desk and spin you around as he pushes down on your back so that your chest is flat against it with your feet on the ground. what you didn’t expect was a smack to your ass when you pressed your head against the desk but the vibrations go straight to your pussy, making you ache even more. after spanking you, luke would grab your ass rubbing his hands over it to soothe the pain before moving his hands to your hips and sinking into you with no warning.

your hands are flat against the desk as luke is fucking into you, the grip on your waist so tight you know there’ll be marks when you finish. “fuck baby, you take my cock so good. can’t believe we waited this long to do this again”. when one of his hands goes down to rub your clit as he continues fucking you, you let out a loud moan making him pull you up to his chest by the throat, his hand covering your mouth as he whispers in your ear “you have to be quieter than that, darling, we don’t want anyone to know how dirty you really are.” his hand stays over your mouth as you whine against his palm, not being able to hold the sounds back when he hits your spot.

you feel your orgasm build as you start clenching around his cock. when he rubs your clit and hits the spot right one more time you come undone beneath him, a string of “oh fuck” is all you can say. he’s still fucking you as your orgasm rolls through you, getting sloppier as he chases his own release. a few more thrusts and you feel him still inside you as he cums with a groan against your ear. his hands falls from your throat as you catch yourself with the desk, your knees weak. pulling out of you, luke sees the mess you both made as he looks for napkins trying to clean you up.

as you both get dressed, making sure that you don’t look like you just got fucked, you head to the door when you feel a hand grab your arm. luke pulls you to him as he tilts your head up and kisses you softly, “i’ll see you in class. you might wanna read chapter 6 for the assignment” you feel him smile against your lips. shaking your head at him when you push away from his chest “now isn’t it unethical to help me out?” “probably not as unethical as it is to fuck you” he’d smirk as he unlocks the door and leaves before you say anything else.

#h o l y f u c k #yall this is 1.5k of nasty #i don't know what i wrote bye sorry #softforcal #luke hemmings #lh #5sos #my writing

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doctormage · 5 years

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hi i just need to be really dramatic and long winded bc if i dont get it Out im going to fucking explode

ive actually been trying really hard this semester with my thesis and its REALLY fucking difficult for me. my depression makes me catatonic and unable to complete simple tasks or be motivated to do literally anything; my anxiety paralyzes me at the slightest unexpected change and then obsess over whether everyone in my life hates me because of my anxiety; my sleep schedule is constantly fucked and my doctor is unhelpful; my bdd will sidetrack me from my work and responsibilities for literal hours or days, and sometimes if its feeling spicy send me on a full scale fucking breakdown; and my adhd makes all this shit worse on TOP of all the NORMAL adhd shit. like thats just!!! my life!!!! at all times!!!!! and there have been several times where i have genuinely considered leaving this program or not continuing school after bc i was so fucking overwhelmed and exhausted and scared but i didnt!!! like i make a lot of jokes about procrastinating and wasting my time and doing the least and whatever but in reality its really fucking difficult for me even when im medicated!!! but i dont like admitting that bc of all my exhausting childhood baggage and shit but that is not the point of this rant so anyway

this semester i made a specific effort to try and be a better student even tho all of this stuff has been exacerbated by grad school. i felt i owed it to my director and one of my committee members because theyve been so fucking helpful and put their faith in me and took a lot of their time to help me. i wanted to show them i was worthy of it and capable of being a good student who does all the shit she’s supposed to do, does it well, and does it on time. i overloaded my fall semester and nearly lost my goddamn mind JUST to have a lighter class load this semester so i could focus most of my time on my thesis (like for real that was actually incredibly stupid of me. i lost almost 30 pounds from september to december without conscious effort just because i was so fucking stressed. not a brag and actually kind of concerning bc that has LITERALLY never happened to me). it has been like....significantly taxing, but i wanted to show them how much i appreciate their time and effort and help by being responsible and respectful. my Trying Hard is a lot of people’s Barely Doing Their Best and i know that. turning something in 2 hours early is below average for some but for me, literally anything more than 30 minutes before its due is an actual goddamn miracle. but i wanted to work hard and do things right for my committee members because they deserve it

this christmas my parents asked what i wanted and the ONLY thing i asked for was help with my library dues. last year from like march to october i was significantly depressed and entirely out of my head, and i racked up some pretty bad overdue fees. i didnt even ask them to pay all of it, just some of it. less than $100. im really truly grateful for the gifts they DID get me, but i didnt ask for them for any of it, and my overdue fees were left alone. i was under the impression that they got paid and, like a fucking idiot, i didnt check up on it to confirm. ive been so hell deep in my thesis and teaching and grading and applying to phd programs and looking for apartments and shit that it really just slipped my fucking mind!!! crazy!!!!

today i was in crisis bc i thought i fucked up with scheduling my defense/exam/whatever the fuck. im going to call it defense and i dont give a shit bc everyone calls it some other shit and i dont CARE. anyway i really thought i fucked up but i went and talked it out with my director and it was all sorted out. i’ve gotten like 50% of her feedback on my thesis draft, which i’ve incorporated, and im waiting on comments from another reader (the other helpful person on my committee). we have to run some dumbass software before scheduling, so i ran it today and tried to schedule it but couldnt bc theres a hold on my account. i went on a fucking....ALMIGHTY QUEST to figure it out and i finally discovered that guess what!!!!!!! its my GODDAMN LIBRARY OVERDUE FEES!!!!!! THAT I THOUGHT WERE PAID!!!!!!! i had to pay them myself which is fine idc but it takes several days to process. this fucks up my life on SEVERAL levels

for one, its fucking impossible to get a hold of my third committee member. she is a vapor in the wind. shes like super busy and thats all good and well but the point is theres like zero communication there. i finally got confirmation on a defense date from all 3 members and had been literally planning MY ENTIRE LIFE around this date. after todays first scheduling crisis i was so happy i was still on track, but now this? now i have to wait 3-4 days before i can even SCHEDULE the defense. the super delightful part is that we have to schedule a minimum of 2 weeks in advance. so now i cant schedule my defense until tuesday at the absolute earliest, but that ALSO bumps my defense date several days ahead. i have no fucking clue if my committee is going to agree on another day that works for everyone bc theyre all busy as shit and we’d been working toward the original date for weeks if not months, and im so fucking upset because this is exactly what i DIDNT want to have happen. i havent tried to email them yet because im hoping beyond fucking hope i can call somebody at the university tomorrow and see if the hold is something else besides the fee, but it makes me sick to think of having to be like “oh sorry i know i constantly fuck up everything ever and im a piece of shit but can we change this date we’ve had set since january because i was an extra shitty piece of shit this time??” like OHHH MY GODDDDD

and the thing thats really fucking with me is that like, yes its my fault but this one time its not ENTIRELY 100% my fault. i asked for a favor and had the understanding that it was taken care of. yes the fees were my doing and yes i shouldve checked but oh my fucking god. i feel like all the effort ive put into being a better student this semester has been for fucking nothing because im going to have to email my committee asking for a different date and ruin all their fucking lives and theyll be so disappointed in me. i have like legitimately been crying on and off about it since like 4:30 today

it so shitty in and of itself but i especially dont want to do this to my director bc she is legitimately the reason im finishing this program AND that im going to a phd program. a year ago i’d barely spoken 20 words to her but she still agreed to be a reader on my committee just because she heard me explain my thesis for all of 30 seconds and decided to give it a try. she literally had not read a song of ice and fire at the time and she started reading them for me to help me with my thesis. in the fall when my original director basically threatened to leave my committee if i didnt change all my ideas, my current director stepped in and helped me and talked me through it and then offered to take her place even though my research is BARELY distantly related to hers. through all of this she’s been so insanely patient with me, super encouraging of my ideas both in this project and in others, helped me decide whether it was right for me to get my phd immediately after my masters, proofed and edited and helped me with ALL my phd application materials, and STILL is in the process of reading these goddamn books just to be a better director. i have lost my head so many times and shes always been there to help me figure my shit out, and i wanted to have it figured out for once. how stupid of me

like bumping the date isnt the end of the whole world but its really not just about the fact that i have to reschedule. i was trying real goddamn hard to be a better student this semester and i REALLY fucking owed it to my director and other reader, but especially director, and i still managed to fuck up this bad. i feel like such a DISAPPOINTMENT and it just will not leave my brain bc im so mad at myself. i tried watching shows and youtube compilations about game of thrones and shit but now my bf is asleep and im alone and its all i can think about. im so fucking tired of being the person i am honestly and i dont mean that in an edgy way its just like jesus christ i wish there was less shit wrong with me. i wish i had any kind of willpower or discipline so i couldve learned these skills and been a better student from the start. i wish i wasnt a giant piece of shit!!!!!

and now im going to be up late being anxious about all this which means that i will, once again, wake up late but also still be really exhausted, which means i’ll do a shitty job teaching and get overwhelmed by everything and who the fuck knows what fun bullshittery will ensue because of it. i am so fucking tired of me and my fuckery and the fact that it fucks with other people even why i try so hard for it not to. tired!!!!!!!! fucking tired

#p #this is literally like an essay #on why im a piece of shit lmao #ignore me!!!!!!

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tfw-no-tennis · 6 years

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Greetings, comrade LJ! I am about to start college in a month and I was wondering if you could bless me with some wisdom on how to survive my first semester! (Feel free to publish this tbh some other youngins might need the help too)

oh my god i am SO sorry i just saw this, tungle literally never told me i recieved this what the hell!!! i will happily give you some wisdom even if youve already started college oh man im sorry. hopefully this still helps!!! for reference im a biology major so some of this might not apply well to other majors lol

ok my first wisdom is to never get books unless you have to. these days, professors know most students dont actually use books so they dont bother really using the books for the tests...the exception is for labs (science labs, at least) where you typically will need to buy the lab guide to do hw and stuff. generally if you think you might need a book, wait a bit before getting it - even if the professor says you ABSOLUTELY need it. sometimes they just have to say that but you wont really need it. if you can, rent, and rent used! books are generally a waste, the way they get your money nowadays is HW access codes. yes....paying to do HW. how great

ratemyprofessor is a fantastic resource, but do be wary of certain reviews - students can be salty about failing a class and give a bad review for a professor who doesnt deserve it. also, make sure you're looking at the correct class (upper left corner of the review) for the professor

if you can, make friends in a class and work together on stuff (hw, quizzes), and then you can share notes if one of you misses class and stuff

in terms of missing class, id say its up to your judgment if you skip or not - it honestly depends on the class. some classes i barely went to, some i never missed. freshman year i barely skipped class (probably a good idea as you get the feel of it) but once you go on, you'll be able to tell if you need to go to class (generally if the professor just teaches from ppts and doesn't require attendance, you might be able to miss. depends on how you learn tho!)

labs you generally cant miss (again, science labs) or youll like get set on fire or something. its bad. you can usually make it up with an excuse or if you know ahead of time, tho

be friends with your professors and TAs! go to office hours! especially if you're planning or grad/professional school and want rec letters. altho!! dont stress abt future plans too much. you really, really have time. theres no rush to go to school after undergrad at all so if you dont have your shit together. DONT WORRY

this has probably become irrelevant for you but id suggest leaving waaaay early for your first day of class so you can find your classroom ok and get a good seat

free stuff is lit. get free stuff whenever you can. if you find a pen somewhere? take it its yours now

if you do well in a class and enjoy it, id suggest trying to become a tutor for it. you probably make some money, its not usually too much work, and you enjoy it if thats the kind of thing you're into. its especially helpful if youre planning on going into something relating to that subject someday, so then you can keep up to date on it

getting involved is also a good idea!! theres so many clubs and stuff at universities, so theres usually something for everyone. it can be scary going alone, but youll usually end up meeting people there. theres typically not too much pressure to keep coming consistently, so if you need time off from a club you can take it easily.

libraries can be a great place to study dont knock em i sure did until like last year which was a mistake. imo focusing is easier in a library than in my room, that might just be me tho!!

cliques arent really a ‘thing,’ you might end up with a friend group or two but college is not nearly as cliquey as HS. i have a lot of friends now who i KNOW i wouldnt have even talked to in HS just based on the fact that we wouldve run in different social circles back then. dont limit yourself by thinking ‘oh, we’re too different’ or something, you’d be surprised how well you click with people you didnt think youd get along with!

cafeteria food,,...is usually bad. it tends to be a lot better when theres tours going on, so try to remember that lol

this is already so long im sorry lol, ill stop here but let me know if you (or anyone else reading this) have any questions or want any specific advice!! im a senior in college now so im basically an expert lol (though my knowledge is limited by certain things like being a STEM major, living on campus without a car, living away from home, etc) but i love talking about stuff like this!!!! i wish you the best of luck in college and again im really sorry i didnt see this until like 2 months after you sent it, i hope college is going well for you!!! and for everyone else who started recently!!! also ill tag you to make sure you see this, i cant remember if it alerts you lol @rated-r-for-grantaire

#ask #college #OH MAN THIS IS SO DANG LATE UGH #hopefully college has been going well!!!! im here with lots of advice if you need it!!!!#rated-r-for-grantaire

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strangesparkling · 7 years

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i was tagged by... kjonginswife.. kinda.. :D i am sick at home and really really bored so please - everybody do the tag!! i want to live vicariously through you!! ;)

LAST:

1. drink: water 2. phone call: my friend to tell her i was at her house 3. text message: "NICHT SEIN ERNST” 4. song you listened to: wonderland - taylor swift (old but gold) 5. time you cried: probably after fighting with my dad 6. dated someone twice: haven’t 7. kissed someone and regretted it: and regretted it? all the way back in 2013, though i don’t regret it anymore:) 8. been cheated on: haven’t ! thank god 9. lost someone special: my grandpas 10. been depressed: last really rough time was in 8th grade 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: after the exams of the last winter semester

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:

12-14. red, blue, purple

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU: 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: *gotten over a crush 17. laughed until you cried: definitely 18. found out someone was talking about you: yep 19. met someone who changed you: yess 20. found out who your friends are: i think so! 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: does it count if we added each other after?

GENERAL: 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i’m not gonna count. i’ve met 98% 23. do you have any pets: no:( 24. do you want to change your name: no it’s okay 25. what did you do for your last birthday: i had an exam the day of my birthday and the day after so i “postponed” it to the day after, had my three best friends from uni over, we had cake and we sang caraoke. it was lovely <3 26. what time did you wake up: 6:55 - second last day of work! 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: studying spanish with an app 28. name something you can’t wait for: seeing my friends from uni again :3 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: just now 30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: get better eating habits 31. what are you listening to right now: the outro of gracie and frankie 1x01 :D 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes my cousin lol 33. something that is getting on your nerves: this guy that’s supposed to look after our student group’s bank account that messed up sending out a single form even though he had ALL THE FUCKING TIME IN THE WORLD 34. most visited website: google tbh 35. mole/s: quite a few actually 36. mark/s: theres one on my cheek but barely visible 37. childhood dream: write and publish a book 38. hair colour: brown 39. long or short hair: medium to short 40. do you have a crush on someone: dunno.. 41. what do you like about yourself: i’m kinda smart? 42. piercings: nope not even my ears 43. blood type: don’t know; which reminds me i really do have to finally go donate some blood! 44. nickname: caro, care 45. relationship status: single 46. zodiac: aquarius 47. pronouns: she/her 48. favourite tv show: the vampire diaries. 49. tattoos: none 50. right or left handed: right 51. surgery: none 52. piercing: nope 53. sport: ballet and anything active/adventurous 55. vacation: dreaming of going to the us once i turn 21 56. pair of trainers: vans

MORE GENERAL: 57. eating: my friend and i just made muffins 58. drinking: water 59. i’m about to: study some more spanish and then go to bed 61. waiting for: my vacation next week 62. want: love 63. get married: one day:) 64. career: working on that ;) 65. hugs or kisses: hugs 66. lips or eyes: lips but i like eyes too 67. shorter or taller: taller 68. older or younger: older 70. nice arms or nice stomach: stomach 71. sensitive or loud: gotta be a good mix 72. hook up or relationship: relationship 73. troublemaker or hesitant: troublemaker

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. kissed a stranger: yeah 75. drank hard liquor: yea 76. lost glasses/contact lenses: don’t have any 77. turned someone down: yes 78. sex on the first date: no 79. broken someone’s heart: i guess so 80. had your heart broken: not by someone i was romantically interested in (yay) 81. been arrested: no 82. cried when someone died: yes 83. fallen for a friend: yes, fuck

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. yourself: hmm, yeah 85. miracles: no 86. love at first sight: attraction at first sight, yes 87. santa claus: no 88. kiss on the first date: can happen 89. angels: no

OTHER: 90. current best friend’s name: aleks 91. eye colour: brown 92. favourite movie: the perks of being a wallflower

I’ll tag: erichfried, allonsy-sweetie, ladyevanna, itsbedlambaby ~ thanks for reblogging my stuff xx

#about me #me #tumblr tag #i tag all of you #i tag everybody #erichfried #allonsy-sweetie #ladyevanna #itsbedlambaby

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crotchlesspantiesss · 7 years

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If you want to know how I’ve been feeling lately, keep reading :)

TW: depression, suicide, sexual assault

If I were to describe my life, it would be mediocre. I played mediocre soccer growing up, played mediocre tennis in high school, painted mediocre pictures, and write mediocre poetry. I’ve never truly been great at anything. I mean, I used to be good at school but it seems that I peaked my first semester of college because my GPA has rapidly gone downhill since. I plan on graduating a semester early, so I guess that’s something to be proud of in a way, but then theres the uncertainty and disappointment that follows.

I’m an accounting major and ever since I chose that path people have told me how demanding that field is and that you're almost guaranteed a job after graduation, but the thing is I don’t want an accounting job anymore. The only opportunities that my school offers for accounting students are audit or tax internships/jobs. Sounds super boring right? Yup, the two most boring classes that I sucked at are my only two paths in life. I could go on and take more schooling and sit for the CPA exam, but why would I spend $3000 and spend 6-12 months taking an exam I know that I wouldn’t pass? When I first began school I was so motivated and ambitious and originally wanted to be a CPA, but the realization that I am not smart enough or could never accomplish anything of the sort changed my mind because depression forces me to give up. The classes I’ve taken are challenging and I can do them, but its been a lot and I’m tired.

I tend to go through phases of what I am passionate about. When I was in elementary school, I loved math and have always been good at it (part of the reason why I chose accounting in the first place. I mean I like accounting i guess, but not enough for a career anymore). When I was a freshman in high school, I wanted to be a scientist. Sophomore year, an artist—but my fear of criticism drove me away from it. Junior year, a writer. It was my senior year was when I chose business because I enjoyed my accounting class in high school and actually learned some things—of course, that it no longer the case. There was a time when I wanted to play chess so my parents bought me a chess set and I learned how to play. I still like to play and I’m surprised I still remember where each piece can move. Chess is something that I am less-than-mediocre at, but I always play people who have never played before in their life which makes me look AMAZING and makes me finally feel like I am good at something.

My sophomore year in college, I took a Women in Pop Culture class for my Women & Gender Studies minor. It was an english class where we read books such as Sex & The City and The Hunger Games and compared the themes to popular culture today. I enjoyed that class so much that I added on an english minor. I will admit, I’m pretty good at writing papers and I enjoy writing them. As I continued to take more english classes, I went back to my junior year of high school and decided that I wanted to be a writer again. One class in particular changed my mind. It was my poetry class that made me realize I could get my feelings out on paper without feeling like I was rambling and could write utter nonsense but it would still be considered art.

I first started liking and writing poetry in high school to cope with depression and being sexually assaulted. But the thing is, I didn’t know what either of those things were at the time. It took me two years to realize that I had been raped because I was in denial that it wasn't my fault and he was my boyfriend so I didn’t think it could actually be rape. But after talking about it with my college friends, all the delayed pain and denial that built up finally came out and the realization that I was a victim made it feel like the act took place just the day before. The thing about being raped is that although it does get easier to deal with, the emotions don’t go away. Ever.

I never knew what depression was either. I had always seem the anti-depression commercials that starred adults with children, so I didn’t know that it could happen to me. I found out what depression and anxiety actually was when I was a freshman in college based on posts from Tumblr. I would read posts like “you know you have anxiety when…” and “what its really like to be depressed.” I remember thinking hey, that sounds a lot like me. After researching in the library and numerous online psychology tests, I found out that I was depressed and have been my whole life. I know that sounds sad, but I honestly believe that some people can be born with it. Studies show that people will become depressed after a traumatic experience such as parent’s divorce, death, bullying, etc. But I had experienced none of that. I grew up in a happy and loving home so why was I feeling this way? I’ve just always felt sad and lonely, like I have no place in this world and that I’m always in everybody’s way even as a child. The thing that hit me the hardest was knowing that these feelings aren't normal.

We spend the majority of our teenage years discovering “who you are” which is a battle in its-self. I did find myself though, I know exactly who I am and I (mostly) accept who I am. But you learn that most people don’t have the urge to die and that wanting to kill yourself isn’t puberty and just a part of life. On the first day of school, teachers always make you do those awkward ice breaker questions like “what’s your favorite color” and such. A popular one is “If you were stranded on a desert island, what would to bring to survive?” I remember thinking, honestly I would just kill myself. People would answer things like a knife, a blanket, tent, and so forth. Suddenly I realize that they have completely normal and appropriate answers and now I have to quickly change my answer before it’s my turn to speak. This was a common thing that I have noticed. One time we were doing one of those draw your soul exercises with my sorority sisters and that’s when I really knew that something was off with me. Everyone else had drawn the beach or their grandmas house or some other normal shit and here I am with a black hole being pierced by a knife sitting on my paper that I drew and once again had to quickly change my answer.

I know that I am not the only one with depression, I have a lot of friends who struggle as well but they actually do something about it, which is something that I could never do. When I found out “who I was,” depression was there. Depression was a part of me. I don’t want to do anything about it because I spent so much time growing up “discovering myself” that depression is just apart of who I am. Those thoughts and feelings are normal to me because that’s what I’ve always been used to. Getting rid of it means I’d have to find myself all over again.

I also have a problem of not finishing anything. Now that I want to be a writer, I am trying to write more poetry and just writing in general, but the problem is that depression takes away my motivation, patience, and creativity. I have a lot more free time during the summer to be practicing and I have been, but the pattern is that I start writing, have to stop to go to work, eat, sleep, and then I will never open it up again. I don’t finish anything. The amount of poems and stories that I’ve left unfinished fills up the memory on my computer. I have a suicide letter saved to my desktop that I started writing my sophomore year in my own room while surrounded by my sorority sisters but have never finished it. I barely even finish the food on my plate most times. Maybe the reason I haven’t killed myself yet is that I haven't gotten around to finishing that goddamn letter.

As I mentioned earlier, one of the great things about accounting is the high demand for accountants, which basically means job security and hella money. One of the sad things about being a writer, is the job insecurity and little money. It is hard to keep a job as a writer unless you're Stephen King or something. The uncertainty of freelance writing scares me but the certainty of unhappiness in accounting scares me even more. Honestly, I don’t see myself being happy as a writer either, or any career for that matter, but I don’t know what else to do at this point. Happiness and security is something that I just don’t see in my future. That and love.

I only had one boyfriend in my life and he’s a big reason why I’ve been single for so long. After being sexually assaulted I chose to be single until I graduated high school, which I didn’t have a problem with. Once I came to college, I was ready to put myself out there again and I knew that I would have a huge selection of men. Reality hit me hard when I realized college relationships are not like in the movies when you meet a nice boy on the first day of school and you date him afterwards. I had “things” with boys my freshmen year but nothing ever came of it other than a drunk makeout session. I went in to my sophomore year with the same idea that I had a huge selection of men and I had my eye on one in particular. He was everything I ever wanted in a man, but being a depressed sack of shit, I never grew the balls to ever say anything to him. The worst part is that I knew he liked me back and I could tell he was going through the same struggle of being shy and trying to find the words to start a conversation. We saw each other all year and we never said a single word. I know that I should have taken a chance and stepped forward but remember that depression thing? It made me sit and stare at him in silence and that is my biggest regret that I often mistake for insomnia.

My junior year I spent all year looking for that boy hoping that he would still turn up and I would actually do something that I wanted to for once in my life but I never saw him so it never happened and that journey is why I couldn’t even get a guy to ask me for my number because if you weren’t him, I wasn’t interested.

Now that I only have one semester of college left, I don’t want to get into a relationship with anyone because I’m most likely going home after graduation it’s not worth the emotional hassle. But It would be nice to at least get a taste of that slutty college experience that I’ve missed out on. Now, I am a strong independent women who don’t need no man, but it gets lonely. I’ve been romantically alone most of my life so it makes me think that I am going to be alone forever and that I am not worthy of being loved. I have so much love to give and I just need the right person but I know that all I would ever do is run and hide behind my depression and use it as an excuse for my mediocre life.

If you’ve made it this far, thank you so so so so so so so much for caring and taking the time to read this. I don’t normally talk about my feelings so I have to put them in writing so just by reading my insanely long brain thoughts you have shown me that you at least care a little. I know that this thing may sound like a suicide letter but I promise that it’s not so please don’t worry! :) <3 Thank you ssooooooooo much and please enjoy your life.

TLDR; low-key kinda want to die bc depression and I hate my life but its cool (in a more poetic way).

#college #long post #feelings #poetry #the future is scary #bb #love #i hate school

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thecruciblegavemeyou · 7 years

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mint chocolate chip

i got bored and i liked this idea so i ran with it. longer than i intended.. could probably turn into something longer. eh (simons pov)

ao3

simon has a very bad week, and baz makes the mistake of grabbing the last tub of simon’s favorite ice cream

words: 2.4 k

this was the last straw. the last, very short straw of a number of shitty straws i had received this week.

monday

agatha broke things off. for the last time, i think. "si, this just isn't working anymore. we've both known that for a long time. and, well... i think i'm asexual, i dont know. i have some stuff to figure out simon, and i think i have to do this alone."

i could still see her, standing in front of me in the living room. i had romantic candles lit all around the room. and i (penny) made a fancy dinner, that was laid out on the only tablecloth that penny and i owned that i had yet to stain.

she didnt cry, but i certainly did. it was humiliating. i thought we had finally been making it work this time, and i was even going to ask her to move in with me and penny. hence the fancy dinner.

so she left me there on the couch and i spent the rest of the night crying in the tub (with a bottle of red wine).

tuesday

then, because i stayed up all night crying (and very drunk), I missed the bus to class tuesday morning. which meant i had to walk 2 hours to school in the rain while hungover (in a torrential downpour) and i missed my class anyways.

i didnt even get to turn in my paper, because even my professor had left by then. it would have been the best paper i wrote all semester too; instead, i watched the grade be entered as a zero. i tried to email my professor, but i already knew it was hopeless because she was a bitch. and i always fell asleep in class, so i wasnt exactly her favorite student.

by the time penny came around to give me a lift home, i was soaked to bone. i knew something was wrong the moment i got in the car, but i didnt press her. normally penny greeted me with tea, a scone, and a perky hello, but she was as somber as the rain outside.

she didnt say anything for a long time. we were almost back to the flat when she turned the volume down on the radio and turned to me. "hey, simon, do you remember micah?" penny asked.

"what a bloody idiotic question penny, of course i remember your boyfriend. im hungover, not stupid." i snorted, grabbing my sopping wet bag from the back seat.

she killed the engine; she was watching me with that expression of pity, the one she wore every time agatha said she wanted to take a break. "he's moving to london." she mumbled.

"pen, that's great! now i won't have to listen to your skype dates and-"

"we signed the lease for an apartment today." she gulped.

my world was spinning. i stopped walking, "when, um... is he in town? you never mentioned... was this a split second decision? i..." i always knew that penny move move out someday. i thought it would be farther down the road. i'd need to find a new roommate, because there was no way i could continue to afford the apartment penny and i had by myself...

"when are you leaving?" i blurted out.

"i spent today packing. im almost ready to go. micah and i are going to finish packing and moving everything from my apartment to the new one tomorrow. do you want to help?"

"you mean... i only have one day to find a new roommate?" i couldn't help the anger boiling in my stomach. she gave me no warning whatsoever and the rent was due next friday. im not proud of what i did next, but theres no going back.

i stormed into my room and locked it behind me. i couldn't look at any of penny's packed boxes. i didn't even stop when micah called out a greeting. i was too upset, and i didnt really know the guy well enough to let him see me cry. the took turns trying to coax me out of my room throughout the night, penny even went out and bought me sour cherry scones from my favorite bakery across town. i didnt have any appetite.

wednesday

i got out of the house before they woke up. i had work, anyways. thankfully, it had stopped raining sometime last night. unfortunately, the puddles remained. a taxi flew around the curb with no warning and soaked my jeans and shoes (my good jeans).

"bloody fucking merlin and morgana-" i shouted, before the mother behind me hurriedly covered the ears of her toddler.

I made it to the starbucks where i worked, and took in the comforting smell of coffee and sugar and the faint smell of cleaner that was used to wipe down the counters each night. it was apparently the only dependable thing in my life right now.

"sorry im late, trixie, i had a bad morning-" I sighed, grabbing my apron off the back rack.

trixie (my boss) just waved me into her office, "simon?" she was sorting through piles of paperwork and notices, and it took her a moment before she realized i was already in her office.

"so, simon-"

"yeah?" i responded, more focused on trying to tie the apron behind my back. i had terrible hand-eye coordination as is, it didnt help when you took one factor out of the equation. I could smell coffee wafting in from the front, and i prayed trixie would be quick so i could go out and grab a cup for myself.

"we had to make some budget cuts this month, so we have to let some people go... im so sorry, simon. here's your last paycheck."

trixie held out a sad, slumped little slip of paper. i stared at her, barely registering her words. after an awkward minute of silence, i took the check and left the apron draped over the chair opposite her desk. i didnt make eye contact with my coworkers as i left and i prayed they hadnt been able to hear the entire conversation between me and trixie, if it could be called a conversation.

i knew they mustve heard, even if they didnt it wasnt hard to put two and two together.

i shoved the check into my (wet) jeans pocket and made my way towards the flat. halfway home, i turned into the bank and cashed the check, knowing there was no way i would remember to do it tomorrow.

this was turning out to be the worst week of my life.

when i got back to the flat, half the boxes, micah, and penny were nowhere to be found. i holed myself up in my room again, this time having the foresight to take some food back into my room with me. i blasted my music, and kept the door locked again. the lock wouldnt actually keep penny out (there was a key for every room in the house) but if it was locked she wouldnt bother trying to intrude on my sob fest.

thursday

when i woke up, the house was empty. i made my way into the bathroom to freshen up and tried to ignore how quiet the flat was now. penny had even taken a lot of the photos and such with her, but she left most of the furniture (out of pity, i think). her and micah would get to buy all new furniture, together.

on the kitchen counter was a note, a key, and an address. her new apartment was within walking distance still (ten minutes or so). i imagined they were still settling in, and i still had nothing to say to her (i wasn't mad, i was just... not ready). anyways, i needed to start searching for a new roommate.

i went and grabbed my laptop, and settled in on the couch. i ignored the notifications reminding me to study or finish this project or that, and delved into my search. i didnt have class until later tonight, and i didnt have a job to get to either, so i had most of the day free.

i needed to search for a new job, too. there was no way i could afford rent if i didnt have a job, let alone a roommate to split the bill.

i had no idea where to start. i didn't really want to live with a stranger, but i absolutely didnt want to lose this apartment either. it was so close to campus, and i liked being near all the other students. it was ina great part of town, and almost everything i needed was within walking distance. maybe i could ask a classmate if they wanted to move in? it seems a bit short notice, and i imagine that by the end of the first semester everyone already has a place to live anyways.

i was screwed.

i grabbed some take out on my way back home, alone, and spent the rest of the night procrastinating homework and responsibilities. this is why i needed penny.

friday

it was obvious friday was following the same downward spiral when i woke up to a text from agatha, asking if she could come by to talk. she wanted to stay friends and she thought she left a jumper at my place.

i almost fell off the couch at four o'clock, when agatha let herself in to find me in my boxers on the couch.

"oh, hi, simon. didnt you hear me knocking?" she asked, hanging up her jacket and unraveling a scarf from her neck. i could smell her from here. that perfume would haunt me forever. i never really liked that scent. i'd have to light a candle after she leaves.

"no..." i mumbled, trying to be discreet as as tried to get my pants back on as fast as possible. agatha headed straight for my room to look for her jumper. she had no qualms, did she?

"simon, where did everything go? why is the flat so empty?" agatha asked, drawing back the curtains to let some sunlight into my cave. didn't she think this was awkward? why was she acting so normal?

i cleared my throat, "uh, penny moved out. she got an apartment with micah a few blocks down. she sprung it on me this tuesday." i covered the emotion in my voice.

"oh, well, thats great for penny and micah." she hummed and finally found her jumper, which had wound up in my laundry.

she started for the door. i refrained from going after her. i wasnt going to chase her and beg her to come back, not this time. even agatha seemed surprised. she stopped at the door, almost as if to tell my this was my last chance to chase her down and beg for her forgiveness.

i didnt move.

"it was good to see you, simon." she smiled and twisted the door knob, "coffee sometime, okay?"

"no, thank you, though." i said. i didnt miss the flash of surprise in her eyes as she shut the door behind her. i cranked the volume back up, and cried in tune with adele.

come dinner time, i made my way into the kitchen to try and find something to eat.

the fridge and cabinets were empty. all that was left was a jar of curry, a bag of peanuts, and expired milk. i let out a moan. penny always did the shopping.

i peeked at the clock. it was already nine. but i was starving, and i wanted ice cream. i deserved ice cream, after this shitty week. and maybe some alcohol. any type of alcohol.

i tugged on my old Watford sweatshirt and a pair of grey sweats, and dug through piles of crap until i found my wallet.

the store was half empty, and there was only one cashier open still, slowly checking out one old lady who couldnt seem to remember what she was doing. i made my way towards the milk and ice cream first.

i grabbed a smaller milk, because there was no way i would finish a whole one without penny, and it didnt look like id be getting a new roommate yet.

i stopped. there was another boy by the ice cream, grabbing the last tub of mint chocolate chip.

i lost it.

"no, no, no! merlin, no, you dont get to have the last of the mint chocolate chip!" i exclaimed and the guy jumped, spinning on his heel to face me. why was he in jeans, it was nine thirty already? who wears such nice jeans out to the grocery store.

"excuse me?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"if you dont mind, id like that tub of ice cream. i deserve it. i had the fucking worst week of my life. and all i want is to go home, eat some goddamn mint chocolate chip ice cream, get drunk, and pretend im not doing it alone." i shouted. he stared for a minute, before he broke out in laughter.

my face went red, but i didnt back down. i wasnt letting him take that ice cream away from me, i didnt care how gorgeous he was.

"i dont want to be alone, either." he smirked. "but you cant finish this whole tub by yourself."

"then come help me." i teased. i couldnt help it. that smirk was infectious. and he had pretty eyes.

"fine. but youre buying the alcohol." he said, pointing towards the next aisle. he followed me into the next aisle over, and we picked out various bottles of various alcohols.

he didnt make me pay. in fact, he paid for my milk too. and then i let him follow me back to my flat.

"im baz." he said, holding out a slender hand.

"simon."

i dont remember how we got there, but i didnt mind when i woke up on top of baz, stretched out on my couch, with him in a pair of my sweats (those bloody jeans may have been hot but i knew they werent comfortable). i didnt even mind the hangover i could feel coming, or the messy, empty tub of mint chocolate chip ice cream on my coffee table.

not when baz was kissing me, mumbling “good morning, darling,” in my ear.

160 notes · View notes

bratkook · 7 years

Text

clairvoyant. (m) part three.

masterlist.

word count: 5.6k

author’s note: oh look theres some smut in this chapter wooo. surprise surprise, I still dont know who this is centered around but enjoy getting to know the characters because theyre a lot of fun to write. leave feedback if u can tysm.

warnings: oral (m receiving)

Cheers could be heard coming from the living room, taking you and Hoseok out of your hunt for literally anything to eat. The contents of your cup were running low because you kept taking gulps to get rid of the cotton mouth you had going on.

Were you guys drunk? No not exactly.

Were you guys high? Yes, extremely.

“Why don’t they have any snacks?!” Hoseok shouted, slamming yet another cabinet shut.

“They don’t know what food is, they live off cocaine. C’mon Hobi, it’s the classic frat boy diet.” He smacked his head with a laugh, muttering out a duhh.

You went back to digging through drawers, seeing an abundance of lighters and no food when suddenly something hit your head, bouncing off and landing on the floor behind you. Your fingers rubbed the spot before you turned around and nearly yelled when you saw a bag of doritos laying there. “Apparently they live off cocaine and doritos, this cabinet is stocked with them.”

You couldn’t even thank Hoseok as you ripped the bag open and hummed when you munched away at them. If he hadn’t found these you were probably going to leave the party to grub on something greasy, but cool ranch doritos saved the night.

The small bag was finished in about a minute, being crumpled up by your hand as you licked your fingers and handed your cup to Hobi for him to refill.

“Have you seen Jimin?” He asked you while pouring some juice into your cup before mixing in some alcohol.

You left the crumpled bag on the counter, letting the owners worry about it later, “I lost him about an hour ago, go check the rooms.” You suggested, giving him a smirk and breaking out into a laugh when you saw his face of utter disgust.

“Yeah pass, I don’t want to witness whatever the fuck he’s into.” You gave him a shrug as you opted for grabbing his cup for a quick sip, “Some freshman’s probably plotting on getting him to deflower her tonight, you wanna bet?” He added on, handing your own cup back over to you once his little concoction was complete.

You side-eyed him while taking a sip, “How much do you wanna lose tonight? Jimin stays away from girls his age and younger–”

“Except for you.”

“That was one time!” You shout out, feeling the need to explain yourself to Hoseok. Really it was only one time, before you guys even really knew each other and while you both were very very drunk. After the freshman mixer everyone had gone to a party and you recognized him. One thing lead to another and next thing you knew you were sneaking out of a random room, trying not to wake him up as you made your getaway. When he ended up being friends with some guy in your lighting class–Yoongi–you both just decided to move on, no questions asked and no awkwardness gained, luckily.

“Anyways...he’s got like a virgin detector, the second he spots one he’s out of there.”

His lips were already forming a response but you raised your finger up, successfully shutting him up as the cheers you both heard earlier were getting louder.

What the fuck...was all you could mutter to yourself as you headed out of the kitchen to follow the noise. Other drunken students were gathered in a circle, wildly chanting some drunken slur that you couldn't decipher because of how out of unison it was.

“Wait, is that a stripper pole?” Hoseok asked behind you, that only made you more curious as you tried to slip between people because dammit why were there so many tall people here?

As you got closer to the center you could clearly hear that they were chanting someone's name, “Kim Taehyung! Kim Taehyung!”

You dipped under the cups that people held up and finally got a clear view of Tae peeling off his shirt, spinning it above his head before flinging it somewhere into the crowd, causing whoever caught it to scream even louder.

Someone had graciously switched the music to a song by the Weeknd and Tae obviously appreciated it seeing as he grasped onto the pole and walked around it. His hair was held back by a bandana tied around his head and he only wore a pair of black skinny jeans and converse, clearly not pole dancing friendly but that didn't stop him as he confidently grasped the pole with both hands and tried to lift himself upside down.

If he had any upper body strength it would’ve been a great execution but he had zero so the second he went up he went right back down, hitting the floor with a thud and making everyone cheer even louder for his effort.

His signature boxy smile revealed itself as he laughed at his failed attempt, clearly not caring that he couldn’t even manage to at least flip himself halfway. You threw back the rest of your drink and walked towards him, crouching down as he stayed on the floor.

“Concussion?”

He shook his head, “Maybe a bruised ass.”

You gently tapped on his bare stomach with a smile, “C’mon you baby, walk it off.”

The crowds attention was easily diverted as a completely wasted girl gave her shot at pole dancing, no longer caring about Taehyung waddling away from them as he rubbed the sore spot on his ass. You looked around to spot Hoseok but noticed he was now among the crowd cheering on this girl who was actually pretty good at pole dancing.

It was nearing 12:30 and the party didn’t seem like it would die down anytime soon, if anything more and more students kept slipping through the door. At least you weren’t gonna be the only hung over one at school tomorrow.

The both of you had managed to slip between people until you ended up by the staircase, a relatively more quiet area of the house. Tae wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you to him, resting his head on your shoulder which was probably not comfortable at all but you let him be, choosing to play with his hair and hearing him sigh in appreciation.

“You good?” You quietly asked him, he said his butt hurt but he did hit the floor pretty hard.

You could feel him nod against you, also feeling that his lips were spreading out in a smile, “You know what would make me feel even better?”

The fingers that were playing with his hair froze at the question and your lips pursed in amusement, a hum being the only response to his question.

His teeth gently bit down on your shoulder as he pulled you even closer to him, causing you to laugh, “Seeing you on your knees would make me feel so much better.”

You could only roll your eyes at him as you resumed playing with his hair, “Oh really?”

This wasn’t uncommon, you and Taehyung had a special friendship, you say friendship because it is definitely not a relationship by any means. It had started second semester of the first year, around the time where your problems seemed to be piling up. You were constantly stressed and juggling school work with actual work and seeing as you and the others had already gotten so close, and also seeing as Taehyung didn’t have a filter, he had suggested helping you out.

For some reason you had assumed he meant help you out with school work but when he had showed up at your dorm with obvious intentions, it didn’t take much mulling over for you to accept the help he was offering. It was great really, he was always eager to eat you out for hours without expecting anything in return but when you did return the favor it was definitely worth it.

It was an ideal situation, you both got a chance to let out some steam with one another without the fear of becoming attached. Taehyung said a big no to relationships and you didn’t see him as a boyfriend, just simple care free fun with the freedom of hooking up with other people with no hurt feelings.

“Yes really,” he gave your hips a squeeze, “I just busted my ass in front of a bunch of people Y/N. Make me feel better.” He whined out playfully, finally picking his head up to look at you with his brows raised in question.

Your teeth bit down on your bottom lip and you sighed as you gave in, grabbing his hand and yanking him behind you as you made your way up the stairs. You couldn’t even make it up halfway before his arms were around your waist again, his teeth playfully nipping at your neck as you giggled, attempting to swat him off with no effort.

The upstairs area of the party was pretty vacant, a couple of people making out against the wall, some people in the bathroom and obviously people in the rooms doing scandalous things but your goal was the third door on the left, already knowing it was a relatively spacious and empty coat closet.

You threw it open and felt Tae push you inside and shut the door behind him, flicking on the dim light inside. His hands cradled your face as he pushed you against the wall on the right, his lips capturing yours in a heated kiss. Tae was a fan of taking things slow but not at parties and that was made very clear when he wasted no time in letting his tongue find his way into your mouth. You let out a groan at the feeling and trailed your fingers up and down his bare chest, feeling the goosebumps pop up from the sensation.

Wasting no time, you fumbled with his jeans, not being able to see anything because he wouldn’t let you break the kiss, finally popping open the button and pulling down his zipper. Your hand slipped inside and he pulled away from kissing you, letting out a pant as you palmed his bulge. His breath hit your neck and he gently sucked on your skin, flicking his tongue on it before backing up again, making you shiver, “Be a good girl, don’t tease me.”

Your foreheads pressed together momentarily and you gave him one last kiss before slowly dropping down, letting your fingertips softly drag down his chest as you went. His fingers immediately went to your hair, brushing it back as he saw you pulling down his pants and boxers, and he couldn't hold back the sigh of relief when you finally pulled his length out.

Your eyes flicked up to him, seeing him staring at you with hooded eyes and his lip between his teeth, waiting for your next move. Your cold hand grasped him and he let out a hiss at the feeling, enjoying the contrast of his pulsing member and your cool hand too much to protest, not that he had any time to because soon enough your warm mouth was inviting him in and making his eyes roll back.

“Oh fuck,” he muttered out, his hand grabbing more chunks of your hair that had fallen into your face and pulling them back. God, he always loved your mouth, loved seeing you on your knees as you did all you could to push him over the edge. It was even better because he knew you loved the feeling of his dick in your mouth as much as he did.

Your hand jerked him up every time you bobbed back down and as you came up you made sure you flick your tongue against his slit, always enjoying the slight shivers that went through Tae’s body at the motion.

“You take my cock so well baby.” He moaned out, making you flick your eyes back up to him and he groaned out louder when you made eye contact. How could you look so god damn innocent when your mouth was the epitome of sin itself.

You’d never get tired of seeing him from this position, he looked so fucked out and needy and you knew he wanted to lose control but you wanted to tease him a little. Your mouth popped off of him and you grasped him with your right hand, letting your tongue gently trail on the underside of his dick, applying slight pressure for him to feel something but not enough so it felt frustrating and you could feel his frustration growing as you repeated the motions.

His hands remained in your hair, his tugging getting rougher as your teasing continued. Your lips sucked on the side of his dick for a moment longer before you pulled back with a giggle, “What’s the matter Tae?”

His stomach tensed at the absence of friction and his length was dripping precum, the head throbbing and red and just begging to be shoved down your throat. “Do you wanna fuck my mouth?” You asked him when he stayed quiet, reading his mind and he swore he could have came right then and there, letting out a whine as he nodded.

You gave the tip of his dick a kiss and placed your hands behind your back, letting your jaw slack as you waited for him. Tae’s hands grasped his cock, jerking it a couple of times before guiding it into your mouth, letting the weight of it rest on your tongue for a moment before he slowly pushed in, giving you time to relax and breath.

His hands went back to your hair and you moaned as he tugged it harshly, thrusting his hips forward before pulling back and repeating the motion, each time pushing further in.

He was getting lost in the feeling of it, using your mouth the way he knew you liked. The sounds filling up this coat closet were obscene, Taehyung’s grunts of pleasure and the sounds of your slurps every time you sucked as he pulled back. The tip of his dick hit the back of your throat, making you gag but he didn’t let up, if anything he sped up, wanting to feel your throat swallow around him again.

“Fuck, you’re so good to me baby.” His right hand gently rubbed your cheek, wiping away a stray tear that had slipped out. He knew you could take it, you always did and that's why he enjoyed this so much.

You shut your eyes and took a breath when he thrust out, letting your jaw relax so you could deep throat him more easily. You could see his stomach muscles tensing, letting you know he wasn’t far from the edge so your hands grasped his thighs, stopping him from thrusting and letting you take the rest of his length down your throat until your nose touched the small patch of hair he had, and that's when you swallowed.

His reaction was all you wanted, he practically doubled over as he moaned loudly, not caring about anyone possibly hearing him. “Oh my god, d-do that again, please.”

You hummed as you pulled back, enjoying his begging and feeling his grasp in your hair tighten, wanting to pull your forward. “I’m close baby, please.” He moaned out again, sounding desperate so you gave him what he wanted, bobbing your head a few more times, hearing his breath hitch and a couple of whines leave his lips and then you sunk down again, swallowing a second time and feeling him twitch in your mouth as he came

His hands held you down on him, not letting you come up for air as you did your best to swallow his come, your throat tightening against him and milking his orgasm, causing him to spasm slightly before he finally let you off, a trail of spit and cum connecting his softening dick to your lips and he moaned again at the sight.

“You’re so fucking hot.” He panted out, resting back against the opposite wall as he tried to recompose himself. The air in here felt stuffy and your throat felt raw so you just gave him a smile, wiping your mouth and standing back up, wincing at the dull ache you felt on your knees.

“You okay?” He asked you, tucking himself back into his boxers and doing up his pants again, his hands going for your shoulders to help steady you out. The small smile he gave you was heartwarming as he gathered up your very messy hair and did his best to throw it up into a bun, plucking the scrunchie off your wrist to tie it up.

“Knees and throat hurt.” You mumbled out, your voice was raspy and only made you sound rough which just made you and him laugh.

“You took my dick like a champ tho.” A face of complete disgust was thrown his way as you shoved him away from you and threw the door open, trying to run away from him but your knees were clearly on a different page.

The loud shriek you let out as he hauled you up momentarily gained attention from the lovers littering the hallways before they went back to their activities of groping one another, “Where the fuck was this upper body strength when you were pole dancing Tae?”

He grunted as he shifted you higher up in his arms, “Honestly, I’m two seconds away from dropping you and no,” he cut you off before you could even make a comment, “that was not a weight comment okay, I am just a weak man.” You gently patted his red hair, smoothing out the strands and fixing the bandana as he let you down with a huff, clearly out of breath as you made your way back down the stairs.

“Wow…” he wheezed out, his hands on his knees, “I really have to start working out.” You gave him a once over, he was definitely skinny but not scrawny, he was soft in all the right places.

“If you want.” You suggested with a shrug, if he wanted to get leaned out then let him have at it. He followed your path to the kitchen, mumbling some shit out about his roommate but you paid it no mind, instead you focused on the blonde fluffy mess that was Park Jimin’s hair. Your eyes zeroed in on their target, your fingers twisting a strand and tugging on it, causing his head to yank back from the force.

He just let out a deep sigh, already knowing it was you and knowing he was gonna get an earful for basically going MIA an hour in and breaking his promise of getting you smashed. His attention was no longer on the pretty brunette he was chatting with a moment ago, a look of disinterest casting on his face and she clearly got the memo as she huffed and sauntered off with a flip of her hair.

His brown eyes looked at you, just waiting for it to start but it never came. Instead you hopped onto the counter, swinging your legs and snatching the cup out of his hands and taking a swig. “Wow, is this pure vodka?” You licked your lips, trying to get a flavor for it.

“Basically,” he snatched the red solo cup back and gulped some down, “vodka with a tiny bit of cranberry juice.”

The next person to snatch his cup was Taehyung, needing to get a taste of it himself. He only licked his lips and hummed, “Not bad.” Jimin just grinned, reaching for the bottle of vodka beside you and pouring some more into the cup. And this week on do you know you’re an alcoholic?

You made grabby motions towards it and he handed it over, plucking another cup off the plenty of stacks in the kitchen and making another one. Leave it to the bastards at Delta fucking whatever to have an abundance of lighters, doritos, and red solo cups.

“Where are the others?” You asked, your eyes roaming through the window hole that let you see some of the living room.

Jimin set the bottle down and picked up his cup, resting his elbows against the counter next to you as Taehyung did the same. “Yoongi is passed out in the hammock outside, don’t know what he took but he’s out cold.” You could just picture him in a ball on the beat up hammock that was somehow still going strong despite all the parties.

“Namjoon disappeared with some girl a while back and Hoseok made Jin drive him to get some food, how much did you guys smoke?”

You swallowed your drink and hummed, “A lot, but his tolerance isn’t as high as mine so he was pretty stoned.”

He made a noise of acknowledgment, turning his head over and inspecting Taehyung with an amused face, “Why are you shirtless?”

Tae ran his hands down his chest, rubbing at his tummy with a grin, “I flung it off when I got on the stripper pole, which you would have seen if you hadn’t disappeared.”

Jimin raised his hands up in defense, “Sorry, I would’ve loved to see you unleash your inner exotic dancer but I was trying to help Yoongi not freak the fuck out.”

“Bad trip?”

He grunted and nodded, “Super. He might have taken acid? I’m not even sure but one second he was fine, the next he was crying and now he’s sleeping like a baby.”

Time and time again you had told Yoongi that acid just wasn’t for him, every time he’s taken it he ends up like this. I guess he’ll never learn, but it's a good laugh.

Looking around at this party you could tell everyone was significantly more drunk than you and that definitely was not okay, considering you were meant to get blackout drunk and then cry about your issues tomorrow during lecture.

You took a breath before you chugged the remainder of your cup, sighing as the contents burned your throat on the way down. Then you grabbed Jimin’s cup, chugging down that also as he just stared at you with wide eyes, “Slow down psycho.”

You tossed the cup to the side and wiped your mouth, pointing a finger at him, “You told me we were gonna get drunk, I don’t know about you but I’m not feeling drunk.”

His hand grasped your finger and he laughed, “Your words are kind of slurring together Y/N, but alright, they’re doing keg stands outside let's go.”

You hopped off the counter with newfound enthusiasm, pumping your fist up as you made your way to the backyard, immediately spotting Yoongi laying on the hammock on the far left.

“Hey, she wants to go!” Jimin shouted out for you and you threw your arms up in response, hearing a few other drunk people cheering you on. Thank god Taehyung had thrown your hair up in this absolutely tragic bun or it would probably smother you right now.

“Grab on.” Jimin told you and you listened, your hands grabbing on to either side of the keg as you felt Jimin and one of the new pledges grab onto your legs to help lift you up.

You went from seeing everyone looking at you to seeing the ground to then seeing black and having it transition into a dull orange behind your eyelids.

The pounding feeling in your brain was getting stronger as you really woke up and you knew it was the next day and you had to go to lecture but did you really have to go?

You groaned and flipped over, stuffing your face into the pillow you were laying on and going limp as your body relaxed, feeling yourself drifting back off into sleep. Your breathing had just evened out until the blaring sounds of an alarm clock woke you right back up.

Why, why did your roommate have to do this? You know that alarm wasn’t yours but couldn’t she have put her phone on vibrate and shoved it under her pillow?

You shoved your face deeper into the pillow, covering your ears with it but still managing to hear the sound of footsteps walking around the dorm and shutting it off. The movements were hasty and there was a lot of hopping but you didn’t let yourself peak up to see her struggle to head out. A few minutes later the door shut and the room was silent again.

Moment of truth…were you going to lecture? If you don’t go you’ll get dropped since it's the first day and if you get dropped you don’t meet the required units needed to maintain your scholarship. Wow good debate.

You lifted your head up and immediately something was wrong because this was not your bed, or your room for that matter. Your eyes followed up the wall and were greeting with the great sight of Tae’s butt on canvas, lovely.

With a huff you got out of bed, not questioning where he was or why you were here, you’ve woken up in stranger places, one of them being the shower in the boy dorm.

His roommate’s laptop was lit up showing you it was 7:50in the morning and you had 10 minutes to get ready and run your ass to class. You tossed your clothes off and grabbed one of Tae’s band tees and a pair of sweats on the floor before you ran out of there and slipped into the elevator.

“You’re lucky I’m the one seeing you leave right now.”

Namjoon, of course. He was the RA for this floor at this hour thank god, if anyone else had seen you leaving a room looking like this it would've been a definite write up.

“Thanks, love you!” You shouted out before sliding between the doors and running out before anyone else could spot you.

You had absolutely nothing on you, no bag, no paper or pens, hell where the fuck was your phone? But you had no time to stop at your dorm to pick supplies up, no you were basically sprinting across campus to enter the language arts building, thanking the graces of god for allowing your class to be held on the first floor.

Your eyes spotted room 115 and you nearly slammed into a few people as you made it inside, instantly slowing down your pace and scanning the room for a free seat.

The professor wasn’t there yet which meant he thankfully didn’t have to watch your train wreck self make your way up the steps to one of the last rows in the back. You were too focused on making it to your seat to notice the pair of eyes on you as you walked, they instantly recognized you and they couldn’t help but grin to themselves at the sight of a familiar face as they went back to opening their notebook to get ready.

The second you sat down you covered your head with your hands, placing it on the desk and groaning. “Rough night?” Someone beside you spoke up, sounding very amused.

You peeked through a space in your arm to find the owner of the voice, seeing someone with blonde hair and a curious smile. That caught your attention so you sat up and smiled back, “Very. Do I look as bad as I think I do?”

His lips pursed as he looked you over, giving you a shrug, “A little, but it’s okay. It’s an 8am class, I don’t think fashion is anyone's priority.”

Your fingers released the scrunchie in your hair, how was this thing still in place after last night, and remade your bun into a ponytail instead. “Thanks for not being an ass. I’m Y/N.” You introduced yourself, offering your hand to shake.

His eyes flickered down to it and he smiled again before taking it, “Jackson.”

“Since I’m obviously a mess, do you happen to have a paper and pen I could borrow?” He nodded and handed a few sheets of papers and a pen he claimed was his favorite, just in time because the professor walked in and slammed the door shut, instantly beginning a speech on the first day of class.

The hour and a half spent there was enjoyable, it was always a pleasure to have a professor who loved teaching and didn’t pounce at an opportunity to single students out on the first day. If you were honestly speaking though, you probably would’ve enjoyed it a lot more if you weren’t on the verge of puking because of this headache.

“Thanks for the pen.” You handed it back to Jackson as the last of the students began packing up their stuff but he shook his head and told you to keep it. Your fingers clutched on to it as you grinned and thanked him, telling him you’d see him on Thursday and making your way back down the steps to get out of the class.

As you turned right out of the door a hand stopped you, your eyes followed it and were met with an unsure looking Jungkook. “Hey!” You smiled at him and he visibly relaxed, letting go of the hand that was holding onto your shoulder.

“Hey.” He smiled back, “What are you doing in this advanced creative writing?”

You stuffed the pen you held into the pocket of these sweats you had on and motioned for him to follow you as you continued walking. “I could ask you the same thing you freshie, the class is full of third and fourth years.”

He scoffed at the nickname, “Exactly why I’m wondering, this is your second year.”

“Contrary to popular belief I take advanced classes, I actually get shit done in school, I don’t just get drunk and skip class.”

His eyes widened and his hands raised up as he tried to explain but you just laughed, “It’s fine Jungkook. I hear the rumors and I’m sure you have too, I mean the group I choose to hangout with is pretty notorious for–”

“Being fuck ups.” It slipped out of his mouth before he could stop himself. Wow he was on a roll today, go Jungkook.

“Ouch.” Your hand pressed against your chest as you feigned being hurt.

“No, no. Oh god, I'm sorry. Those aren’t my words, I swear. I’ll shut up now.” His face was red with embarrassment and his hands were shoved deep into his jeans as he tried to speed up to pass you but you kept up with him.

“Jungkook calm down, it’s okay.” You laughed, reaching out to grab him and slow him down, “You don’t have to be careful about shit you say around me, ok?”

He let out a breath and nodded his head with a weak smile, looking less flustered than he did a few moments ago, “Ok, in that case, can I ask why you’re wearing my sweats?”

You let go of him and glanced down at the sweats you had on, tilting your head and then it clicked that these were definitely not Taehyung’s pants. You had grabbed them so quickly in the morning so you forgot that there was now a 50/50 chance that the clothes on the floor weren’t his.

“Oh shit, I’m sorry. I’ll clean them and drop them off later.” You reached for the pen in the pockets and took it out, because knowing your luck it would pop and explode in there and then you’d have to just buy him new ones. Your track record involving Jungkook wasn’t the best, you didn’t wanna be responsible for another accident involving him.

He just nodded, saying it was fine and to return them whenever, he didn’t wanna seem too pushy. The pair of you were heading for the quad that separated both dorms, passing a couple of food places and cafes when he spoke up again, “Hey do you wanna grab a coffee?”

You would actually love one but it was most likely going to be hacked back up the second it settled into your stomach so you shook your head with a frown, “I’d love one but if you haven’t noticed I’m a fucking mess and I need an advil.” You gestured widely at your hair and overall attire, your hair was in a messy bun, you had some black leftover mascara smudged under your lashes. You had no idea how messy you looked but he did and he found it oddly adorable. “Next time?”

His eyes scrunched up as he laughed, “Yeah…sure. Next time.” His hand raised up for a wave but you decided on a half hug before waving as he walked towards the cafe to get the coffee he was craving. He glanced back and saw you wave another time so he returned it with a smile before you turned back and headed towards the girl’s dorm.

Jungkook smiled at the menu, probably looking like he was zoned out because there's no reason to be this happy over fucking coffee. You said next time and that made him feel fuzzy inside, not exactly in a wow I have a crush kind of way but in a wow did I just make a friend kind of way.

He didn’t know you much but growing up it was always hard for him to really warm up to people so the thought of starting a friendship with you so easily took some of the edge off of starting college. So as he ordered his cup of coffee he couldn’t help hearing your voice repeating the small promise of next time.

#bts smut #taehyung smut #bts writing #bts imagines #kim taehyung #park jimin #min yoongi #jeon jungkook #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #jung hoseok #clairvoyant #bangtan sonyeondan #writing #new

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