#these are all real definitions of the concept i have heard before btw but i’m sure it’s not an exhaustive list

[jikookpancakes]

JIKOOK FIC RECS that no one asked for (2021)

but im giving anyway because THE TALENT IN THIS FANDOM IS INSANE

long post incoming!! this is probably just part 1 because i wont stop reading anytime soon so i’m inserting that link just in case i do make another one in the future

What’s a Soul Really Worth, Anyway? by thisneedsmorefilth - 130k words, fantasy, demon!jm, witch!jk, listen, this and the next one are my top 2 jikook fics of all time, so well-written, plot so exciting legit reads like a book, better than a lot of books tbh, the world-building is INSANE, jungkook and the gang accidentally summon demon!jimin and chaos ensue, especially for jungkook...and you know why!!!, so funny, angsty, cried so much, happy ending but listen to me: you gotta read the sequel too, YOU GOTTA.

Militat Omnis Amans: The Beginnings by edaen - 92k words, fantasy, werewolf!jk, vampire!jm, forbidden love, super slow burn but super worth it, JIKOOK IN THIS IS MY FAVORITE JIKOOK IN ANY FIC EVER EVER EVER, this is the ultimate all or nothing will freeze hell over for the other kind of love, and the way this is written is just so... how do i describe it. like you can just tell the author wanted to be very realistic with their feelings. you’ve seen the word count, this is SLOW burn. like you will legit feel their struggle to just be able to love each other and while it hurts, it’s also SO GLORIOUS. i love this one so much and if you like reading angst with happy ending but like cranked up to 200% then read this. bonus feels if you read the whole series

Until Dawn (series) by edaen - this is the long series where the previous one above is part of. highly rec if you love fantasy and you wanna read about bts being a rag tag group of supernatural beings fighting evil yay. also it makes the above fic more satisfying because you see more of jikook just being tgt and in love (with bonus angst because of course)

7 Signs by NamHyora - 27k words, secret spies au, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm who is always used as a raven in their operations aka they use jimin and his attractive self to attract people and gather information or acquire targets and all that spy stuff, and his bestie alpha jk is not too happy about it hehe, friends to lovers, iove this one so much i wish it was longer but i think the author is planning to write a sequel!

Drop Like Confetti by annie_vi - 110k words, ceo!jk, age difference, age swap, ahhh i love this fic so much cause jimin smart and mature and has this no bs attitude, and he can keep up with jk despite the age gap and the difference in status/experiences, jk sexy dilf in this one eheh, i love it cause the drama/angst tackles a very real concern for such couples, like there’s no angst just for the sake of having angst, it really makes sense where they’re both coming from, they’re so whipped for eo too so love that for me

Fold it Up Like Origami by annie_vi - 99k words, gamer!jk, model!jm, same author as above and jk is so boyfriend goals in this one and in all this author’s fics in general like wow my standards are so high now i will legit be single forever just reading jikook fics (with no regrets), secret relationship due to their celeb status, well-written as usual, dialogues/banter in this author’s fics are just YES

The Tournament by kinkmins - 34k words, prince!jm, bodyguard!jk, abo, i’ll paste part of the summary here “Prince Jimin gets ready to hold a tournament where 50 alphas compete for a chance to court him, his father the king hires a new bodyguard who is a little too blunt and a little too talkative.“, i really love this oneeeee

Screwed Up and Brilliant by annie_vi - 113k words, escort!jk, jimin needed a date for a work event and in comes jungkook, escort extraordinaire with a no sex rule and jimin is just dasdkjfhasl, a lot of that “is this real or is he just acting” kinda angst, fluff smut angst

Like Everything Glows by annie_vi - 180k words, merman!jm, aquatic vet!jk, ok this is like my 4th rec from this author just read all their fics you’re welcome, this is their first fantasy fic but soso good, i rec’d this to someone who doesn’t really read fics and she really loved it and said “their love is so pure hhh”, she’s right

Track one: I love you by honeydice - 30k words, they’re “just” best friends, lots of pining it hurts, there’s some yoonmin and mentioned past jinmin in this so just noting in case, angst, denial of feelings, siiiiigh

InYou by edaen - 4k words, pwp :), abo, the morning after jikook mating, more sexytimes ensue + fluff

Falling For You Again by Rose_gold715 - 30k words, amnesia au, jk forgets about jimin and idk just something about this hits right in the feels. btw i don’t support the jk hated jm before in real life agenda so i don’t like this fic for that reason but i like this fic because i love me some good painful angst with happy ending.

The President’s Son by AmeliaBedelia - 55k words, bodyguard!jk, president’s son!jm, jk is assigned to shadow jm bc his life is under threat, and things develop :), jm is jk’s gay awakening :) :)

A Touch of Sin by pettey - 102k words, fantasy au, police officer!jk, supernatural!jm, shamanism, LOOK AT THE RANGE OF JIKOOK WRITERS YALL, this is such an interesting concept, so different from every other fic i’ve read, really well-written, sometimes you come across fics and you cant help but go “someone out there rly blessing me with this art for free”

Tears to the Tide by haromame - 65k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, honestly there’s not a lot of abo elements it’s focused more on jungkook having ptsd as he just came from war, established relationship jikook, he comes back home to jimin and things have just... changed. except their love ok THEY LOVE EO SO MUCH this made me cry so f much ugh so good tho.

Zero Hour by edaen - 5k words, canon compliant, a little drabble based around rosebowl jikook, it’s part of a series/collection of canon compliant jikook so if you’re looking for more canon compliant here you go!!, also if you can’t tell already i tend to like several things from a single author, i haven’t read their other fics im legit saving for sad days but i am confident enough to say their other fics are also rec-worthy.

Wonder by wordcouture - 7k words, im sorry in advance, mcd :( pls take care of yourself, i don’t like sad endings ok i don’t, but this is so popular and i was like, ok let’s see what the hype is all about, i get it now, :((((((((((((((((((((, well-written tho, bc the author will manage to crush your heart in just 7k words ha ha

The Omega Revolution by PinkBTS  - 158k words, abo, alpha!jk omega!jm, dystopian au, the hunger games more specifically mockingjay vibes, angst with happy ending but there’s some...things... lost along the way and i think that’s realistic for a dystopian war au, well-written

Blind Switch - 226k words, jockey!jk, rich spoiled brat!jm, jm gets exiled to his grandparents ranch where he meets jk yeehaw, im sorry for the yeehaw, anyway fluff smut angst enemies friends to lovers hurt/comfort slow burn happy ending, all the good stuff, ugh jk so boyfriend goals, also the amount of fluff in the later chapters thank u writer

Finally by Rose_gold715 - 12k words, abo, alpha!jk, omega!jm, angst with happy ending, jikook mate out of convenience and jimin runs away from jk and his pack feeling unloved and outcasted, but jungkook goes after him :((

Park Jimin’s Guide to Good Housekeeping by Ashlyn17 - 235k words, fantasy au, when i say jikook has the best fic writers i mean jikook has the best fic writers because THE WORLD-BUILDING in this one?, THE PLOT TWIST?, yesyesyes, jungkook is a powerful fae and jimin is assigned to be his housekeeper hehe, listen my entire fic rec has several that could be great netflix shows and this is definitely one of them

A Spell That Reminds Me of Your Name by Chimneycricket - 42k words, wizards!au, enemies to friends to lovers and the development felt natural, well-written plus the author sometimes makes art of their fics and other jikook fics and posts on twitter, both their fics and art are so good, i’ve heard good stuff about their other fics too :)

that’s it for now!

just a quick one about my preferences: idc about tops/bottoms, i read just about anything but i prefer fantasy and multi-chaptered fics, i love established relationship jikook so hmu with recs anytime, i don’t like reading anything with cheating and mcd, i love fics where jk and jm are just so friggin in love they are just IT for eo, and at the end of the day even if there are elements to the fics i wouldn’t normally read, as long as they’re well-written then i’m all for it

#jikook #kookmin #jikook fic rec #bts #jimin #jungkook #there's some that i wanna include but they're gone from ao3 now so sad #lesson: read these while you still can #i have so much more saved to read omg #i shall return with a part 2 #fic rec

[lazywonderlvnd]

Hi, if you are still taking prompts; A magically powerful Harry not noticing that his magic does things to make Draco happy. This can be pre-relationship or established relationship. Like it starts of with his tea being exactly as he likes and always the right temperature. Then evolves to rooms changing colour or weather changing or people being unable to invade Draco’s personal space due to an invisible barrier or something ridiculous. Btw Draco doesn’t notice as well.

anon.....you really killed me w this one. i’ve been so emo over this wyugeahrwiw might end up writing smth longer tbh bc this concept is literally the only thing that matters to me!!!!!!! i hope u enjoy i had so much fun with it ❤️❤️❤️

“Harry, you do it. Please.”

“No.”

“Please!”

“We’re fucking watching something, Draco!”

“So just pause it!”

Harry grabs the pillow on his lap and slams it onto the sofa next to him. Hermione can see dust rise in its wake. He pauses the telly. 

“Are you doing it?” Draco asks hopefully. Harry scowls at him. 

“Well you won’t shut up until I do, will you?”

“Definitely not.”

Harry disappears into the kitchen and Draco sits there looking smug.

“It’s kind of sick how you get off on bossing him around,” says Ron, his tone one of simple observation. His fingers are idly playing with Hermione’s hair, but she doesn’t think he notices he’s doing it. 

“If I’m not mean to him a few times a week I break out in a rash, Weasley,” Draco says blithely. “Besides, he makes it perfectly. I don’t know how he does it, it’s always exactly the right temperature and sweetness and all that. I s’pose his years as a house-elf for those Muggles gave him plenty of time to perfect the art.”

“You’re a twat,” says Ron. “And my mum makes tea better than him.”

“Well you’re just a pitiful little mummy’s boy, aren’t you, Weasley? We can hardly trust your opinion.”

“Hark who the hell’s talking,” Ron scoffs. “Least I’m not twenty-three and still calling my mum ‘mummy’ like the world’s biggest bloody ponce.”

Draco splutters but before he can retort Harry’s coming back into the room hovering four cups of tea that float placidly to each of them. Draco looks exactly like a satisfied cat as he takes his and Harry drops back down onto the sofa next to him. Not too close, but certainly not too far, either.

“Literally exquisite,” Draco declares after he’s taken a sip. Ron rolls his eyes.

“It’s just tea, Draco,” says Harry, and he grabs for the remote to turn the film back on. “You’re such a demanding little brat. Merlin’s fucking tits.”

But Draco looks happy and Harry looks suspiciously content as well. Ron turns to her and makes a silent gagging face. Hermione snorts and puts a finger to her lips. They’ve decided not to say anything yet.

*

“Wasn’t this place a lot … uglier last time?”

“What?” Harry says absently. He’s not listening — he’s got all his attention zeroed in on a stack of parchment he’s holding. They’d only barely dragged him along to lunch; earlier the captain of the English National Team had apparently owled him a great number of brand-new Quidditch plays and required Harry’s extensive thoughts and notes before their next practise, which was tomorrow morning. 

“Uglier,” Draco says emphatically, and Ron mutters something she doesn’t catch. “Remember? The walls were that tragic egg-yolk colour.” He shivers. Hermione thinks it might have been an honest-to-god shiver of revulsion. She also thinks she knows what’s happened, even though the extent of it surprises her.

“Maybe someone heard you whingeing and changed it,” Ron apparently can’t stop himself from saying with a snigger. Hermione elbows him hard and he shoots her a glare, mouthing, he doesn’t know!

Harry would usually be the one to take the lead and get them a table when all four of them go out to eat together but today he’s too wrapped up in his Quidditch plays, so Ron steps forward and does it, which makes Hermione’s chest flutter pleasantly. He’d blush down to his bones if she ever said it aloud but he’s quite capable of being a leader in Harry’s absences. 

“Whatever happened,” says Draco pointedly as they’re led to their table, “it’s a great bloody blessing, I was genuinely unsure I’d have the mental fortitude to survive another assault like that on my delicate senses. And, I mean, this —” he gestures to the walls, which are now an admittedly pleasing dark teal above a white trim “— is stunning. It’s my favourite colour.”

“Is it? So weird they picked your favourite colour completely by coincidence,” Ron says, and Hermione elbows him again. Draco notices nothing and neither does Harry, although he does finally set the plays aside once they’re seated at the table.

“Are you complaining about the wall colour again?” he asks drily. They would both be extremely displeased to know they sound like an old married couple. Draco snatches haughtily at the paper napkin on the table and unfolds it to place over his lap. The first time he’d ever done this at a regular, decidedly not upscale restaurant Ron had taken it upon himself to spend the entire meal adopting a posh accent to match Draco’s and saying things to the waiter like “Don’t you have crystal?” while holding up a glass cup full of Pepsi and then commenting “These aren’t real silver, you know” after making a show of inspecting the titanium utensils. 

“I can complain about hideous design choices if I want to,” Draco tells Harry with his nose in the air. “Thankfully they’ve rectified it this time.”

On the other side of the restaurant, Hermione sees two employees talking, one of them gesturing at the wall with utter bewilderment. She doesn’t point it out.

*

“Twelve o’clock,” says Ron, nodding past Draco’s shoulder. “Some bloke staring you down hard, Malfoy.”

Draco looks excitedly behind him, but what Hermione takes more notice of is the way Harry’s face falls a little. She can’t help but wonder if he even realises it’s happened. She’s almost certain he’s aware of his feelings for Draco even though he still hasn’t said anything to her (and she’s been waiting months now, the effort of holding her tongue growing only more difficult by the day, and she knows Ron’s always seconds away from shouting at him) but she doesn’t think he knows how obvious he is. Draco doesn’t seem to know either, but she thinks that’s because Draco feels exactly the same way. She’d have called them morons, but she remembers too well how long it had taken her and Ron.

“What the fuck, Weasley,” Draco hisses, turning back around with a scowl that makes Ron laugh and Harry perk up again a little bit. “He looks like he hasn’t washed his hair in weeks.”

“Now, now,” says Ron, “mustn’t judge books by their greasy covers.”

“Then you go shag him if you think he’s so fit.”

“Maybe I will,” Ron says airily, as if he really is considering it, and Hermione can’t help chuckling and kissing his cheek. Then his expression changes to one of wicked amusement, which makes all of them look round to see the bloke coming their way. Hermione glances at Harry to find that — oh yes, he looks flustered and vaguely upset.

“Hullo,” says the greasy bloke to Draco as he comes up beside him at their table. He’s really not terrible-looking, but if she’s learned anything about Draco in the last couple years it’s that his standards amount to models and Harry Potter, so this man has almost no chance.

“Hello,” Draco drawls, reminding her fiercely of his younger self at Hogwarts. “I’m not interested.”

“Right little narcissistic bugger, aren’t you?” the man says. And now, finally, he’s begun to look as revolting to Hermione as he’d done initially to Draco — a repellent personality can do that. “Maybe I just wanted to come and have a chat.”

“Then why aren’t you looking at any of the rest of us?” Ron asks, sounding halfway between amused still and a little put off.

“Can you leave, please?” Draco interjects, cringing away from the man encroaching slowly on his personal space. And suddenly, as he looks on the verge of antagonising Draco further, he shifts his feet and slips, landing right on his bum with a yell of surprise. All four of them get to their feet to see, but there doesn’t seem to be any liquid or even slimy food for him to have tripped on.

“The fuck ...?” the man says, getting back to his feet. But when he moved towards Draco, he only slips again, on absolutely nothing at all. Something clicks and Hermione looks at Harry: he seems as confused as anyone else (if obviously pleased).

She looks at Ron then, who catches her eye and lifts his brows like he’s thinking the same thing.

Draco’s suitor gets up once more and steadies himself, looking a bit dazed. Some deep animal instinct seems to tell him to stop trying, and with a wary glance at Draco he finally leaves.

“Well that was a bit of a fucking scene,” says Harry. Draco, coming out of his own startled daze, laughs.

“Yeah,” Ron says sarcastically, “wonder what could’ve possibly happened.”

*

“I really thought it was going to rain,” Draco mopes where he’s standing at the window. It’s grey outside but it definitely doesn’t look like rain and Draco appears so upset about it that Hermione actually feels badly, even though she’s quite glad for the clear weather. 

“Just shut the curtains,” Ron suggests from his place on the floor. He’s sorting through Harry’s collection of VHS tapes, trying to decide on a good Halloween movie. Not that he’s ever seen any of them, and Hermione suspects he’ll end up choosing whichever cover he likes best.

“It’s not the same!” Draco wails. “The thunder and lightning is all part of it, you uncultured pillock! The atmosphere is all wrong.”

“It’ll be just as good when we shut off all the lights and draw the curtains,” she assures him, but it doesn’t remove the look of disappointment from his face. It’s a pouty sort of thing that echoes the brattiness of his youth; she imagines a five-or-six-year-old Draco giving his parents similar looks when he wasn’t getting what he wanted.

 At that moment the front door opens and Harry walks in carrying two grocery bags, one of which contains alcohol, which Hermione can tell by the way the plastic is bulging around the cans.

“The fuck are you all doing here?” he says by way of greeting.

“You said eight o’clock, fuckhead,” Ron tells him without looking up. “But it’s fine, I’ve had time to pick a film and Malfoy’s had time to moan about the weather.”

“What’s wrong with the weather?”

“I wanted a storm!”

At that exact moment, a flash of lightning lights up the sky behind Harry where he hasn’t even closed the door yet. Seconds later a downpour begins, and then there’s a rolling crash of thunder.

Hermione’s eyes widen and once more she finds Ron’s gaze, who looks about as shocked as she feels. Draco, meanwhile, has his hands over his mouth and looks like a child on Christmas morning.

For the first time since his magic had begun picking up on Draco’s wishes and granting them of seemingly its own accord, Hermione sees Harry look suspicious. He peers behind him at the storm suddenly raging outside his house before slowly closing the door. When he turns back he looks directly at Hermione, who looks away quickly.

They set up the food Harry had gotten — all kinds of Halloween-themed sweets — and once everyone has their drinks (“Make mine,” Draco tells Harry, “you do it best”) and is comfortable on the two sofas in the room (Harry and Draco are, as usual, as close to each other as they can get without actually touching) they start the movie: The Thing, which Harry swears is one of the greatest horror films of all time.

Funny thing is, an hour and a half into it she looks over and, with a jolt, realises the two of them are kissing half-covered beneath a blanket. She elbows Ron, who positively beams when he notices.

“Fucking finally, dear sweet Merlin,” he whispers, the sound muffled by the continued rain and thunder. “I nearly hit him upside the head when he made it rain, are you fucking kidding me?”

“Shh!” Hermione hisses, though she’s smiling. “They’ll hear you. We’ll rag him about it tomorrow.”

A soft sound of laughter comes from the other sofa that Hermione identifies as Draco’s, and when she risks another peek after a moment she sees that Harry has a hand on Draco’s jaw, and that he’s smiling.

#anna writes #this prompt rly sent me into a tailspin of emotion #Anonymous

[dodo-begone]

ALRIGHTY! LOYAL HERE COMING IN WITH THE CIRCUS HAHAHA

Btw, I’m like 90% sure that I fell asleep while writing so it just stops. Like, there’s no ending/summary/whatever word I’m looking for but can’t think of at the moment and my bird is currently chewing on my phone case oh my god can she please stop—

__________________

I believe the concept of yanderes ft. a isekai-d reader has been mentioned by Shepard and her anons, tho it’s been mainly for Origins SMP. So, I come to you with ideas for the Dream SMP because that’s all I’m familiar with HAHAH—

Also, I apologize in advance because this thing is borderline an essay with how long it is. I’m so sorry—

For example *cue dramatic lighting and a cheesy flashback monologue thingie* oh my god I think I’m losing it, I’m so tired

Y/n and their younger sibling, Frisk, had just finished up another press conference regarding Monsters being back on the surface. All seems to be going well until the ground beneath their feet vanishes and they fall unconscious a few moments later. When they awaken, they notice they’re surrounded by humans—wait they aren’t all humans, what the fuck, since when are there hybrids? They knew everyone from the underground—by name, no less—and had never heard of any currently living hybrids. Only of ones from before the war. Besides, Monsters have been on the surface for a month at most, so there is no way for... oh boy, their head is spinning.

After some very...tense...introductions (“Hi, I never saw you guys Underground, nor have I heard of you, no offense. So, uh, which monsters are you guys related to?” “OI, I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT TUBBO IS NOT A MONSTER!”) they come to the realization that y/n is most definitely not from this world, or even this universe. Y/n’s adamant refusal to fight the “real monsters” that roam this land (“I did not spend countless timelines weeks putting my life on the line to befriend every monster, break the barrier that trapped them Underground, and defend them against my own god forsaken race just to turn my back on them.”) was a pretty big sign, after all. That, along with species of monsters that the SMP members have never heard of and how y/n talked about Souls as if they were a tangible thing.

It’s a rocky start before any sort of friendship is formed: y/n, wanting to be cautious, (and also not having Sans there to CHECK for them) decides to ask everyone what their LV is. It’s risky, and they had no way to prove if anyone is (or isn’t) telling the truth, but it was worth a shot. “Our levels?” A small goat hybrid asked, his head slightly tilting to the side. Everyone assumes that y/n is talking about enchantment levels. “I’m at 26! Ranboo, you’re at 30, right?” “I’m at 37 now, actually.” “Well, I’M at 58. Clearly I’m the superior one here. A real big man, a very manly man, aren’t I?” And a few others pipe in. Color drains from y/n’s face and they take a few steps back, hands shaking as their eyes dart between each person in the room and the exit. ‘How many lives have they each taken to make their LOVE so high? Why do they seem so proud of it?’ Yeah... that was an interesting experience.

- even though they have been reassured multiple times that the monsters of this world are nothing like the ones from their home, y/n still refuses to kill a single one, as I had mentioned earlier. They also refuse to kill animals. It takes a couple tries at explaining LV or LOVE—Level Of ViolencE—along with EXP—EXecution Points—but eventually everyone is on the same page

- Y/n is hesitant to bring out their SOUL when asked. First off, though they’re now friends with those from the Underground, they can’t help but be reminded of every spear, knife, bone, petal, gaster blaster, and fireball that has been aimed at them with the intent to kill whenever their SOUL was drawn into an encounter back then. Second of all, showing your SOUL is something you do with those you trust with your life—after all, you’re literally putting your lifeline out on display when you do so. There are so many different ways that the SMP members can see it

- Perhaps a monster appears

- Eggpire or Dream attack

- Someone forces y/n into an encounter because everyone is too curious to just let this opportunity slip by

- When y/n discovers that the people of this land have more than one life, they’re confused. There is no way that all of these people have SOULS of Determination, and there’d definitely be some issues if people kept rewinding time to their last save point. Besides, only one Determination SOUL—the strongest one—should be able to respawn. Then again, they only know what Frisk had explained to them. They were never able to see the save stars that Frisk would interact with in the different sections of the Underground. So they only have so much to go off of.

- Battle for them is completely different. Despite being in a different world, the mechanics from their world still apply. They can FIGHT, ACT, use an ITEM or show MERCY.

- They use Frisk’s tactic and flirt their way out of a fight or two. They never understood why Frisk did it until now... ‘I mean, I...wow. That was actually effective.’ They’re impressed.

- Oh no, maybe that wasn’t the best idea...they might have some yanderes after them bc of it...

- They probably have accidentally called Philza ‘Asgore’ and Tubbo ‘Asriel’ because both hybrids remind her of the two males from her world. Similar personalities AND Tubbo is a goat hybrid. The poor child is going to be so confused

- If Tubbo’s a yandere oh boy it’s going to be so easy for him. Y/n will probably be constantly at his side and telling him stories about the first fallen child and how they were adopted by the royal family, who are goat monsters! And just explaining the history of the underground and how important the goat family is. Talks about Asriel a lot as well. Probably makes him butterscotch cinnamon pie and tries to recreate golden flower tea to share with him as well. Or, they do that and he’s not yandere and it’s just wholesome.

- If we follow the headcanons that some fans have made, perhaps Frisk (and/or y/n) gave up half of their SOUL to give to either (or both) Chara or Asriel so they’d have another chance at life

- Not only does y/n refuse to kill, which leaves them vulnerable, they also only have half a SOUL, which means they’re incredibly weak. Someone needs to protect them, someone needs to keep them safe, someone needs to—

- Y/n is incredibly agile thanks to all the battles they’ve faced Underground. With their SOUL always out in the open during an encounter and the fact that they refuse to harm anyone, it’s required. I’m imagining them moving like a dancer, using jumps and spins to help them avoid any weapons swung at them.

- This is gonna be annoying for any yandere that wishes to lock y/n up. Even if they won’t physically hurt someone, they WILL put up a fight and make it as hard as they possibly can to be dragged into isolation or imprisonment

- When it comes to who goes yandere, I believe what color of SOUL y/n has (their personality, in summary) would play a big role. Here’s a few of my ideas, feel free to move people around or add to it, I’m really tired and can’t think of many characters LOL

- Red (determination): Wilbur, Technoblade

- Orange (bravery): Technoblade, Dream, Tommy

- Yellow (justice): Sam, Technoblade

- Green (kindness): the kids of the server, Fundy, and Ghostbur

- Cyan (patience): Ranboo, Ghostbur, Karl

- Dark blue (integrity): Tubbo, Philza, Sam

- Purple (perseverance): Dream—this man would love to see how long it would take for your perseverance to run out. I wouldn’t be surprised if your perseverance is the only reason he’s interested.

__________________

From what I saw of the end of what I wrote, it is DEFINITELY cut short. At least I mentioned every SOUL type lolol.

Also, I found a whole other note that’s a continuation of this concept but for y/n being from another game what the hell was I doing—

Expect that to come in another ask once I eat dinner

Sorry i took so long to answer!! I kept getting distracted!

That stuff is so pog man!!!! Puffy might be called “Toriel” once in a while because mom energy and she sheep,,, close to goat!

Gosh all the flirting will bring in so many yanderes or make ppl like “yo wtf??” And there’s a very small amount that are inbetween.

OKAY BUT WITH THE MONSTER STUFF ON THE DSMP- they’d keep the monsters in their house. They’d give them food and everything. Some def become very friendly and will defend. Haha giant spider go prrrrrr

I’d write more but there is so much amazing stuff I don’t think I could add to some of them anyways!!! Plus my mind is just racing other places rn haha

#ask #loyal anon #tw: yandere #rambling with dodo #c: tubbo #c: wilbur #c: techno #c: dream #c: tommy #c: ranboo #c: ghostbur #c: karl #c: philza #c: sam

[moonlightchn]

𝖂𝖊𝖗𝖊𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘, 𝖜𝖔𝖑𝖛𝖊𝖘

and basic shit you should know before interacting I guess~

*Disclaimer: all the information this post contains will be based on things I’ve learned over the years and my personal modifications are NOT to be taken as the general rule. This is MY abo concept for this bot in particular. Yall are free to agree, disagree, take ideas, adapt to your own bot, etcetcetc. Bye. Also sorry this doesn't have a read more;;;; I tried :(

Hello, this is (not) JYPe,

and welcome to the first episode of “Admin’s abo concept isn’t probably what you think so we gonna go in dept on this shit hehe ”. This was originally going to be a one part documentary but I realized I would probably keep coming up with or remembering stuff and these would be so LOOONG so I decided to just do it as I go and I’ll use the hashtag “admins abo tmi ” for this yeah. But also remember you can ask questions if you have any or if you don’t understand something because I usually ramble a lot.

Today we’ll be talking about 3 things that seem to be the most important since they’re the most brought up on my RP’s and they are:

Turning/Transforming.

Heat vs Rut.

Mates.

So let’s begin!

🌙 𝕿𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌/𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌…

There’s two meanings to this concept, one is the concept of turning from human form to wolf form, and the other one is being transformed into a wolf by different means (these usually depends on which story you’ve heard, it can be being the 7th boy child in a family, it can be a bite or a scratch, it can be eating raw meat, etcetcetc).

*This change has now also been added to the Chan’s pack introduction.

What are the definitions of this words? Cambridge Dictionary defines them as:

Turn: to (cause to) become, change into, or come to be something.

Example: “Chan turned into his wolf form”

Explanation: Chan, already a werewolf, turned and changed into his wolf form.

Transform: to change completely the appearance or character of something or someone, especially so that that thing or person is improved.

Example: “Changbin was transformed into a werewolf.”

Explanation: Changbin, a regular human, was transformed /by a wolf/ into a werewolf.

𝕿𝖚𝖗𝖓𝖎𝖓𝖌…

In the classic folklore, turning consists of 2 phases, human with NO wolf characteristics whatsoever, (which is what makes it so hard finding out who the werewolf in town is) and fluffy wolf with some human like characteristics (being biped, having arms instead of four legs, body structure humanlike. The best examples I can think of are the underworld lycans mmm tasteful). Another general rule for classic werewolves was that the person and wolf were two different minds, the person never remembered turning and had no idea they were the werewolf terrorizing town. While being human, the person didn’t even have the wolf skills like hearing or strength. They were just regular boring humans. Another thing was that they had no control whatsoever and ONLY turned during full moon, but I’m not getting into that yet.

Here are some examples (it’s basically furries oop).

Moving on to my concept, I decided to have 3 phases of turning, consisting on:

Human: Basic, simple, boring human. No presence of wolf features whatsoever. YET they can still make use of their skills such as sensitive hearing, smell, extra strength among others.

Half-turn: Heavily inspired by Teen Wolf tbh, SOME features are present and can generally be controlled, such as eyes, ears, tail, fangs, claws. Can even be confused for hybrids. (sumn like this please appreciate my art)

Full-turn: they become big scary fluffy puppies. Let’s remember how they look like.

Channie Chan Chris

𝕿𝖗𝖆𝖓𝖘𝖋𝖔𝖗𝖒𝖎𝖓𝖌…

As mentioned before, transforming depends on which story you know and what you’re settling for. Generally we always talk about bites and deep scratches. Some of the most known stories about how to become a werewolf are being the 7th boy child born in a family on a full moon, or in Greek mythology, Zeus transformed some dudes into wolves after they tried to feed him human meat. There’s many different stories you can pick from, they’re just one Google away~

On my concept, though, the only way to transform is through a bite, even though I always keep options open.

I will probably be talking about the 3 types of wolves and deepening this a bit more later on.

🌙 𝕳𝖊𝖆𝖙 𝖛𝖘 𝕽𝖚𝖙.

Imma give you a wolf biology class because I know too much useless info and I WANT TO.

Rut: The rut is the mating season of certain mammals. The rut is characterized in males by an increase in testosterone, exaggerated sexual dimorphisms and increased aggression and interest in females.

Heat: The estrous cycle or oestrous cycle is the set of recurring physiological changes that are induced by reproductive hormones in most mammalian therian females. Estrous cycles start after sexual maturity in females and are interrupted by anestrous phases or by pregnancies. This cycle presents four phases, the one known as “heat” being the second one, estrus or oestrus, that refers to the phase when the female is sexually receptive.

What are seasonal breeders and what is mating season?

The breeding season is when seasonal breeders reproduce. Seasonal breeders are animal species that successfully mate only during certain times of the year. These times of year allow for the optimization of survival of young due to factors such as ambient temperature, food and water availability etcetc. Male seasonal breeders may exhibit changes in testosterone levels, weight, and fertility depending on the time of year. Female seasonal breeders will have one or more estrus cycles only when she is “in season” or fertile and receptive to mating.

Wolves fall in all of these descriptions.

What does all of this shit mean and why do I care lmao?

This means that if this was a logical bot I should only be doing NSFW like one week during 4 months a year LMAO no frfr

This basically means that RUT and HEAT are the seasons when the MALE and FEMALE respectively are ready to mate with each other to reproduce.

I’ve seen many male idol hybrids having heats instead of ruts, which I have no problem at all with and am sure no one else does really, but I think you should KNOW that a heat would not make them want to fuck, but get fucked. Heat would be the need to be filled and not fill others. A heat and a rut does NOT have to equal dominance or submissiveness in bots, anyway, that would be like saying being top or bottom determines who is dom/sub and that’s wrong, so just a PSA I guess.

Now, how does this affect my CB and ABO concept?

I’ve never, anyway, read anywhere of classic werewolves reproduction, which leads me to believe that they’re probably sterile. So I will stick to real life wolves rules but on my own way. Wolves are even monogamous and I dont go by that one lmao.

Reproduction rules on my ABO are really simple, ruts are once a month, around 5 days, and each of the guys have different characteristics for them. They’re only capable of getting someone pregnant during ruts, too. I just generally believe all girls are on the pill tbh and I never really use condoms but guys irl please practice safe sex wrap your or your partners willy before going freaky and stay safe.

Not sure if there’s something else to mention here? Let me know.

🌙 𝕸𝖆𝖙𝖊𝖘…

Mates are the wolf equivalent of soulmates, but that’s bullshit. I mean, I’m not gonna say they’re not real, I just mean that the general idea of only one person for the rest of your life and if it’s not them you’re miserable is dumb when we’re talking about beings with feelings. Did you know wolves irl are monogamous and mate but if their mate dies they just look for another one and move on? Now you know.

The thing with mates and marks, in my humble opinion, is that they don’t mean anything. Peoples hearts change, feelings come and go, and my wolves are NOT about to drop everything they have for some person they don’t know who happened to be their true mate. In fact, Channie is the only one who believes in them. The mates issue is a bit complex if we think about it over each of the Chan’s, but on a general idea, the mates are not exclusive for the guys, and I’ll probably make a tmi on the boys at some point, but Chan met his mate and it didn’t work out, for example. Mates go further than the marking, btw, mates are a special, cosmic bond. Marks are just that, marks.

And talking about that, we do not vibe with marks. The original folklore states marks as the way a wolf has to claim their partner as theirs and keep away others, especially from an alpha, and they’re supposed to go both ways, so marks between human/wolf, for example wouldn’t be possible. There’s also two marks.

The first bonding mark is generally given during sex between mates and heals, and the second one in front of the pack (there’s a whole social status thing involved here but were not touching that yet) and its permanent. Also marks are literal WOLF BITES so no, they’re neither small nor cute. Just look at these teethies and picture the scar in a neck-shoulder. That’s your bonding mark.

(they're cute tho I uwuuu)

What I’ve been reading around in fanfics and seeing around is that bots have been mated and claimed with marks, which is ok if you’re into that. My chan’s, though, find physical marks archaic, possessive and toxic. And honestly I personally do too.

You may have noticed by now that even though the boys are quite possessive, they’re never trying to scare away others and their sole way of marking is love marks that heal eventually and scenting. Permanent marks are a nono.

They will NOT mark anyone as their mate. Especially Channie plz he’s baby.

This is a personal decision and it does not mean that marking is RIGHT or WRONG. I just personally see marking bites as marking your partner with fire or something and I dislike the idea a lot.

ALRIGHT I THINK THAT’S ABOUT IT FOR TODAY I FEEL LIKE I WROTE TOO MUCH ALREADY??? Feel free to ask questions or request certain topics! I think next topics will be Social Structure, Skills and maybe Self control or Moon Cycles.

If you read all of this WOW CONGRATS??? I LOVE YOU EXTRA MUAH

One question I got on the asks was “since their fur color seems to correspond with their hair color, what happens if they dye their hair?”

Nothing happens babe! When they’re half turned they will have really funny colorful hair, but when they fully turn their fur stays the same! hehe Don’t worry, Chan won’t be a clown red wolf heh

OK BYE MUAH MUAH

Tags (hmu for removal:] if you don’t care about this hehe)

@yandereminholee @bunjihyo @shinhaneul-oc @sub-chungha @song-mingi-cb @grungeyuta @yourhwaa @bunny-woong @princess-yeji @xash-axx @7deadlysins-chan @camgirl-jihyeon @hybrid-wooyoung @vampirehhj @ghoulxbaekhyun @mafiaxnct127 @deadly-skz-gods-cb @mafia-chaeyoung @vampiresanha @sub-minho @starsirah-oc @femboy-minho @subbyhyunjinchatbot @weeb-wonwoo @yandere-wendy @musiclovermino @galaxy-ateez @chanlix-koalas @vampirechangbinnie @mafiafelixlee @madmanwoodam @sweetandsleepyjamie @yanderedahyun @hunter-chaeyoung @hwangyeji-cb @artsydahyun @gamer-yeji @yourminju @seulgi-foxy @kittensua-cb @softbabieinnie @softboyfriend-cb @iceskater-sana @irregularchatbot @yandere-miya @doll-seungmin @skz-cb @subbylino @babie-sanie

#admins abo tmi

[popwasabi]

Why I don’t give a fuck about canon

Recently, after randomly coming across some dope pictures of Transformer toys on Instagram that gave me a strong case of nostalgia, I was inspired to revisit an old childhood favorite in “Beast Wars.”

“Beast Wars,” in case you never watched or heard of it as a kid, is the continuation of the Transformer’s story set in the future as descendants of the Auotobots and Decepticons, the Maximals and Predacons, respectively, accidentally travel to prehistoric Earth to continue a centuries long battle between the two opposing factions.

There’s a lot of to digest there, so I’m not going to go into extreme detail over the plot, but the cast features colorful characters such as Optimus Primal, Cheetor, Rattrap, Dinobot and Megatron to name a few. They all have interesting and distinct personalities and generally play well off each other. It was a big part of my childhood and I collected an ungodly amount of their toys back in the day.

(This was my first ever Beast Wars toy and I think it’s beautiful.)

My rewatch though was…a mixed bag to say the least. The graphics have not aged well. The adventure of the week setup of the plot was repetitive and lacked real character development at times. There were characters that were added in last minute to the show clearly to promote a new action figure over the story on numerous occasions. Though I found the humor to still be pretty good, the action was stale and just lacked high stakes most of the time, save for a few episodes.

I was not shocked it didn’t land terribly well on my rewatch but you know what did? “Beast Machines!”

“Beast Machines” was the follow-up to Beast Wars that had the Maximals fighting on Cybertron where Megatron has taken control of the whole planet using a virus that changes Transformers into mindless drones to do his bidding. The remaining Maximals manage to survive however after Optimus discovers The Oracle which reformats them into animal robot hybrids that are both mechanical and biological. This sets them on a quest to stop Megatron and bring biological and mechanical balance to Cybertron once and for all.

The series is much more narrative based than the previous as it follows a steady trajectory to its epic conclusion. The animation is much sharper, and the soundtrack is fun as hell to listen to still. The pacing is much faster as the stakes couldn’t be higher for the Maximals and all the old characters from the previous grow in interesting ways and develop into more organic people (literally in some ways). Optimus is a more hardcore and emotionally damaged leader and Megatron goes from being something of a punchline in the previous series to a far more menacing and calculating nemesis. The story touches on themes of balance, authoritarianism, PTSD, love and reunion to name a few and for a kids’ show it is, dare I say…more than meets the eye.

I absolutely loved it as a kid and I might actually love it even more as an adult, so it was shocking for me, to say the least, when I read further into the history of the show, that a lot of fans straight up rejected it back in the day.

Common complaints I came across were they didn’t like how characters, such as Ratrap especially, “changed.” They didn’t like the new bio/mechanical Maximals and couldn’t believe that Cybertron was once an organic world.

Their big reason (in just about every forum and video I saw about it)? It didn’t adhere to “canon.”

Now, I’ll start this by saying there is no objective way to critique or even not critique a story. People can like or hate something for a variety of reasons that don’t follow a strict logical pattern. Gods know I have a few questionable/divisive favorites in my catalogue that I have written about here that are based on abstract ideas and personal experiences.

(The Matrix Reloaded is still great btw)

But I will say, if you judge a mega franchise’s latest entry on how well it is supported by established canon it is, in my opinion, a flawed way to critique a work of fiction.

Canon, sometimes referred to as “lore” by fans, is most often applied and used to describe the long running back stories of franchises that stretch beyond just the main books, movies or series, or even the original narrative of the plot. Star Wars, Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and to a certain extent Harry Potter, all fall into this camp of series with so many interconnected parts, with more than one main character featured in each, that fans follow along this canon like ancient monks studying scripture and history books.

And they can be just as fanatical and over zealous about it.

(I wish they were more fanatical about proper hygiene or at least deodorant...)

My problem with the ways fans often view canon is that their conceptions of what a new story should be is based entirely on the past rather than what is happening right now with the story and what themes the writer is trying express with it this time. 

They base their impressions of the story on external continuity more than the internal continuity.

Yea, the changes in a series like “Beast Machines” are jarring to say the least. Cybertron was formally an organic world like Earth? Rattrap doesn’t have confidence in himself and actually at one point sells out his comrades? Transformers can be biological now? It’s a lot to take in but when watching the story play out it’s not like these elements aren’t explained through the text of the new story.

Cybertron lost balance between its robot inhabitants and its biological life forms and its why it’s out of balance now, and Megatron is the logical progression of that inbalance. Rattrap is struggling to understand his new form, half his friends on the Maximals have been turned into drones, and the remaining team out loud say they don’t have confidence in him. He has PTSD from both the events of this story and the Beast Wars and feels insecure because of how others view him and that’s perfectly logical to not just the story but also the canon. If a fan is willing to give a story a chance they will see that the canon hasn’t actually been destroyed in much of any way and the logical progression is actually there if they simply listen to what’s going on.

(Seriously, it’s not that deep.)

Fans need to stop confusing a character achieving a franchise long arc with being “suddenly different.” In this way, criticisms of canon in new entries in long running series reveal that fans really just lack imagination to connect the dots. It would be like complaining that Luke Skywalker can’t become paranoid and make a grave mistake in judgment because people never change, nevermind the character already has changed a lot from his origins in “A New Hope” to where he was in “Return of the Jedi.”

(Oh wait, people did do that…)

But that’s not to say you have to like the new direction either. You can understand these changes and still be like “well, it’s not for me. I don’t care for a PSTD angle or a new origin for Cybertron,” but that’s whole lot different than saying the new series “rapes your childhood” or “Bastardizes the canon.” All the old canon you hold nostalgia for still exists. My love for “Beast Machines” is not harmed by the existence of newer Transformers properties that don’t meet what I look for in the series.

Too often, fans take changes to established “lore” very personally because it doesn’t fit their expectations or have the same nostalgic feelings they had before. When new entries in mega franchises occur fans often try to judge it by how much it is like what they watched before, rather what makes it different and what it is saying now. Again, you don’t have to like new directions in tone or character but consistency to established work DOES NOT equal good storytelling.

I have not been immune to this myself in the past, of course. Back in the day I wrote a 2500-plus word diatribe on “The Amazing Spider-man 2” that mostly went after how it changed the character I grew up with in a bad way and butchered the established back story I knew him by.

You know what other story doesn’t follow canon very well though? “Spider-man: Homecoming.”

(Now, hear me out...)

Spider-man in the MCU is generally agreed upon to be a good thing by fans. Both movies were big hits both critically and financially and fans often go as far as to say Tom Holland is the “definitive” Peter Parker. 

But Holland’s Spider-man differs quite a bit from the comic-book webslinger. This Spider-man does not have a spidey sense. His best friend is not Harry Osbourne but in fact a retcon of a Mile Morales character. His father figure is Tony Stark, something that never happened in the comics, instead of Uncle Ben, which no matter what way you spin it is arguably his most important relationship in the series.

His character is a reverse of traditional Peter Parker too. Where comics Peter is a reluctant hero, who if anything hates being Spider-man and the burden of his responsibility, “Homecoming” Spider-man actively seeks out responsibility and in many ways enjoys his role as the famous webslinger. In fact, his whole arc is about him earning a spot as an Avenger. He wants to be THE hero and be worthy of it. It’s completely different from what we know of Spider-man.

(He just wants Tony sempai to notice him uWu)

Now I know some fans actually do complain about this Spidey from a “canon” standpoint, but most don’t. So why did this Spider-man get a pass for many but not “The Amazing” one? Quite simply it’s because stories, as cheesy as it sounds, are about feelings and stories like “Homecoming” tell a good story that effectively make those feelings connect with the audience.

We root for this Peter Parker and his journey to becoming an Avenger and successor to Iron Man because the story is told well, the emotions feel earned, and frankly both films are fun and enjoyable.

It’s easy to complain about canon for many nerds because it’s something tangible that they can point to and make a big stink about when they don’t understand why a movie isn’t reaching them. I don’t doubt that many neckbeards genuinely hate a film like “The Last Jedi” (Hell, I’m not a big fan myself) but when those same nerds enjoy something like “The Mandalorian,” a series that has its own loose relationship with canon and establishing new rules in the series, it tells me it’s not about the “lore” to them.

(Easy, fanboys...)

I have come to understand, in my growth as a nerd, that my problems with a lot of movies and TV shows in my favorite series rarely, if ever, have anything to do with the story not meeting some arbitrary guidelines regarding canon. It has more to with the story simply not connecting with me emotionally. The story isn’t drawing me in and keeping me on its narrative path. I’m not feeling the same magic that someone else might feel enjoying it because either a) it doesn’t feel earned to me or b) it just stylistically isn’t for me.

To paraphrase a line from another mega franchise, also owned by Disney, the canon is more like guidelines than actual rules.

(Didn’t expect to see ol’ Barbosa in this write up, did ye?)

It can show you where a story comes from but it isn’t law that you strictly adhere to it. Of course, when writing a new work in a popular series you should consider what came before it but I would like writer’s the freedom to try something new and most importantly fans to be open to it. You don’t have to like it but the idea that new entries in a story MUST remain strict to the canon is bull shit. Not even the original Star Wars trilogy adhered to its own canon perfectly, as clearly the writers were in fact making it up to a certain extent as they were going along.

(hmmmm...)

And that’s ok, because some of those changes were great! Made the story better and made the conclusion stronger.

Again, you don’t have to like every new entry that tries something bold or confrontational in your favorite franchise but if writers strictly followed canon to the T we wouldn’t have things like “Homecoming,” we wouldn’t have “The Mandalorian,” and we certainly wouldn’t have my favorite Transformers series “Beast Machines.”

Canon shouldn’t be a trap for writers and it shouldn’t be a litmus test for fans digesting it. There are so many better ways to judge a story than whether or not it fits neatly into established lore. A good story is a good story, regardless of whether or not it’s supported by something as static as canon.

“Beast Machines” has its flaws here and there, but canon isn’t one of them, at least not for me. Again, if you feel that the lore is important, that’s fine, you don’t have to ignore it but I would ask you to look beyond what came before when critiquing a new story.

Otherwise, you might miss something special that comes next…

Now then... 

#Beast wars #Beast machines #Optimus Prime #Optimus Primal #Transformers #Megatron #Star Wars #Star Trek #Lord of the Rings #Harry Potter #MCU #Marvel #Disney #The Last Jedi #rise of skywalker #Force awakens #Luke Skywalker #Kylo Ren #the mandalorian #The Matrix #The Matrix Reloaded #canon #lore #spider-man #spiderman #the amazing spider-man #spider-man homecoming #Peter Parker #Tom Holland #Andrew Garfield

[aritany]

how do i get over myself? like i genuinely cannot do anything that i want to because of my perfectionism (like fanfic, drawing, etc), if im not immediately good at something im like, physically unable to complete it. and logically i know that the only way for me to be good at things is to work on them, and everyone has to start somewhere, and that nobody starts off the most popular fanfic author or anything, but that just,,,doesn't register in my brain? do you have any advice? thanks!

hey anon!

man, this question. i struggle with pretty crippling perfectionism myself, and i resonate with every word you just said. i think i’ve gotten better over the last few years about this, but it is a hard battle to overcome. these are a few pointers — they might be a little disjointed, but hey. nobody’s perfect, right? :)

understand why you’re doing what you’re doing. are you doing it because you want to get good at the thing, or because you want other people to think you’re good at the thing? this is a crucial difference. real skill comes once the delight is there. if it’s not fun, of course you’re going to give up before you get good. if you’re doing it to impress others, that’s a quick trip to burnoutville.

choose: regret or regret? there are two kinds of regret — regret that you did something and it sucked, and regret that you didn’t do something at all — and the first kind is always better. learn from that icky ‘oh man i tried that and it did NOT turn out like i hoped’ feeling and try to get comfortable with it. the upside is, you did that thing. now you know how that thing goes when you try it. that counts as practice. practice will yield results, every time.

they aren’t kidding, it really is one foot in front of the other, slow and steady wins the race. when i first started posting on here, my writing would get like 3-5 notes apiece. when i first started making music, i was clueless. when i first started drawing, it was a complete mess. i had every idea of what i wanted to do, and nothing came out like i wanted it to. i’m still getting there, but that’s part of the fun.

remember - more notes/hits/kudos/comments ≠ more skill. i get more notes on my posts now, but i’m still the same writer. my audience is wider than it used to be not because of any astounding skill growth but because i log on every day to be annoying on this website and i’m consistent💞🤡

the most important part: find a cheerleader. i know it’s a popular concept that as a creator you should be entirely self sustained (ever heard the phrase ‘write for yourself’?) but not going to lie i think that’s dumb. find a friend who knows how to cheer you on. sometimes you find those people on websites like these, sometimes these are people you know irl, either way, they are important. it’s especially great when they are also a writer/artist because they know exactly what sort of support you need, and it’s fun to support each other in growing and talking excitedly about the things you make. (how??? How To Find Friend?? find someone you admire and tell them. 10/10 guarantee it will make their day and you lose nothing at all, and occasionally that sparks a conversation as a bonus.) it’s hard to create things alone.

(if anyone wants more input on the friend thing, let me know - i have lots of thoughts on this!)

‘that all sounds great, but how do i start?’ just start. just start right now.

i’m going to show you a 1 year difference in my art. i didn’t draw every day. i didn’t practice constantly. but i was consistent. i hated how my pieces turned out and i kept going and i kept making new ones even when progress was discouraging. the photo on the left was following a step-by-step tutorial (excellent way to learn btw!) and the photo on the right was out of my head.

is the photo on the right perfect? nope. was it closer to what i was aiming for? definitely.

long story short, accept that you’re not going to be incredible at something the first or second or twentieth time you try something. but you will get better. and if you keep getting better? exponential growth, baby. you will be better off starting now than starting in a year.

get out there and try things. (if you feel so inclined, let me know how it goes! this applies to everyone trying new stuff right now.) you got this.

#asks #advice #writing advice #perfectionism #writeblr #writblr #writing community #writers on tumblr #artists on tumblr #artist #digital art

[gordvendomewhore]

About the preps doin drugs,,, they WOULD DEFINITELY do hard drugs fr! And if they got caught for possession they'd just bail their way out. If any of those mfs going to jail it would be for something really huge and would end up a scandal

EXACTLY!!!!! THE PREPS WOULD 100% DO HARDCORE MF DRUGS!!!!!!!!!! half of them will either grow up to be alcoholics or druggies!!!!! (i legit have a draft where i sorted them into either category-)

like,,,, they’re rich kids, growing up with incredible amounts of pressure and lack of emotional outlets of any sort!! they would resort to something to take the edge off, something to numb any feelings they could possibly have and give them the semblance of being alive!!!!!!!

and honestly anon? you’re absolutely correct. the only thing that would land any of them in prison or jail or whatever would have to be something big, something entirely out of their control, or something that they weren’t sly enough to cover up.

there’s a lot of possibilities for what that could be!! murder or kidnappings if you want something real dark, or maybe something more complex like a scandal within the family company. it would have to be something really REALLY big though, since you called it when you said they could just bail their way out of something like drug charges.

again, i don’t like dark concepts a whole lot (or, at least dark in the context of like,,, real world crime and all that. i’m all about dark concepts that dive into other subjects, like the complexity of mankind n shit), but it’s really interesting to explore this idea!!!!

thanks for sending a message in, anon!! <33

btw please don’t glorify drugs or alcohol!! like everyone has already heard this before, and i have too! but just remember that alcohol and drugs should be done within a safe environment bc god knows that telling ppl to “stay safe” isn’t going to stop them. just be aware of what you’re doing and don’t be like the preps in a hypothetical future where they abuse anything they can in order to dull their pain.

#who knew this would be so fun to talk about??? #i’m gonna answer another ask about the preps and drugs and then im gonna go look for a softer ask to answer KWJDNWKDKDK #like...i usually love angst #or at least certain kinds of it #but idk bully is already so angsty #i just wanna imagine the preps being soft in shit #but yknow i really enjoy being able to explore both sides!! #canis canem edit #bully canis canem edit #bully scholarship edition #cce #mine #ask #anon

[kinetic-elaboration]

January 2: The Final Frontier

Watched Star Trek V: The Final Frontier. I remember it being pretty awful but honestly... I liked it! I wouldn’t put it on the same level as I - IV as a whole, but I did like it.

First of all, this is such a good triumvirate movie. Like fully 50% of it is just Kirk, Spock, and Bones being awesome together and I’m fully committed to this concept. Especially since I read Kirk and Spock as space husbands and McCoy as their best friend who knows he’s hanging out with a couple and is totally fine with it.

They canonically go camping together on shore leave. Spock researches camping rituals for them and brings marsh melons with him. He flies around with his friends on rocket boots. They all know Morse code, but not very well. Some of the other films may have been better at showing off the rest of the crew (only Scotty really got significant time to shine here) and they might have had distinct roles for Bones to play in particular, and good Kirk & Bones and Spock & Bones moments, but no other film or episode really showed this family-friendship dynamic among the three of them so well, so consistently, and in such a front and center way, and I really, really appreciate that.

The general concept of Sybok and the quest for God... Idk I think it sounds nice enough on paper and I can’t entirely pinpoint where it doesn’t work for me in practice. I was definitely expecting a very different character before I watched the movie the first time, so I was disappointed but I basically knew why. This time... I still felt something was off, but I can’t describe what. Maybe I wanted a more charismatic Sybok? Maybe a more detailed relationship between him and Spock? I don’t know.

I’m not the biggest fan of the secret brother back story but... I also don’t think it bothers me as much as it bothers other people (including Gene Rodenberry lmao don’t tell his ghost what garbage has been put into his franchise since). I just have a different interpretation of the relationship and I don’t think mine is really contradicted by the film itself, except maybe by Spock’s line “we were raised as brothers.” I guess that’s supposed to imply they actually grew up in the same house and knew each other. But it doesn’t have to mean that. Imo “raised as brothers” could mean “were introduced to each other and knew they were brothers.”

Anyway my understanding of their relationship is that there is a BIG age gap, like 12-15 years. Half-siblings often have age gaps like that. Then Sybok was either raised by his mother or at, like, Vulcan boarding school. Also if he were 15 years older than Spock, for example, he’d be an adult by the time Spock formed any real memories. And if he was exiled at a fairly young age, he might not have seen Spock at all since Spock was a very small child. This makes sense to me implicitly because Spock gives off STRONG only child vibes. Also, Kirk is understandably incensed at never having heard about this “brother” but, as someone with a half-sibling I wasn’t raised with and rarely talk about, I can totally understand how that would happen. I often confuse people by mentioning my sister after I mention being an only child. And third, it would explain their vibes around each other--they are technically brothers, but they don’t seem especially close; Sybok still treats Spock as if he hadn’t matured since he was very young, and even though he probably has access to all of Spock’s memories (as much as he has everyone else’s), he picks the absolute earliest one he could; and when they first meet he says something like “you finally caught up to me,” which to me implies a large age gap.

(Also btw this makes more sense with Sarek’s apparent age b/c if Sybok was a Pon Farr baby, he’s probably only 18-20 years younger than Sarek, whereas Spock would be, say, 33-35 years younger, which seems appropriate.)

Parts of this movie just... didn’t give off strong Star Trek vibes to me. I think the sections on the desert planet really didn’t feel right. They felt more Star Wars than anything. This might be because I see a desert and I think Tatooine, I see a bar in the desert and I think cantina scene--but I also suspect it’s more than that. This concept of a bunch of aliens hanging out on a planet together... that’s never been Star Trek. ST has always been so focused on the ship, even through the first four films. Having these none-ship POV scenes just felt weird.

In a way, the movies have been moving ever farther from the mood of TOS, and I can’t quite put my finger on how just at this middle-of-the-night moment. I still like them, but there’s something more.. general sci fi about them. Even the ship design and the uniforms just feel less unique. It’s the og cast and characters keeping it together--which is probably why I’ve never cared to watch any other series and fail to see any other crew as “real Star Trek.”

Scotty/Uhura was super fucking cute. They are canon and, I’m just going to say it, it would have been interesting to see AOS go that route, too.

This was also a great film for Captain Kirk characterization because honestly, say what you want about Shatner, but he KNOWS this character (setting aside his erroneous opinions about the bisexuality he himself acted into the guy in the first place lol). I love this mature, confident, leader Captain. (I’d be interested to see a non-T/arantino AOS film that shows off this characterization of Kirk. CPine has the range.)

Some great K/S moments: “Would you like to join me in the shower, Spock?” “Worse [than betraying the ship/crew], I betrayed you.” Spock giving Kirk his hand in the brig. And of course, “Not in front of the Klingons, Captain.”

Also a fan of the moment at the end when Chekov and Sulu are definitely checking out the lady Klingon, and the implication (I think??) that the Federation rep who looked like David Thewlis and the Romulan who didn’t look like any Romulan I’ve ever seen hooked up off screen.

It’s not a masterpiece but this movie doesn’t deserve the hate it gets and it didn’t deserve to bomb commercially either. Perhaps people were just more interested in TNG. But I would absolutely rather watch ST V than any episode of TNG lol.

#the year 2021 #2021: fandom thoughts #2021: star trek tos #star trek tos #this is a t/n/g hate blog #not entirely but actually a little bit #but it's definitely a disc/overy hate blog so i will block you if you respond to me with talk of any other children of sarek #2021: star trek

[nerevar-crying]

Jyggalag Isn’t Real

So This is a theory that I have been mulling over for some time. The concept was originally brought up to me by @hyperphixation a long time ago and I have been considering it ever since. While there are, as with any lore discussion, some holes in this framework, I have come around to the belief that Jyggalag was never a real Daedric prince. In fact, I believe that he was a story, sort of a prank made up by Sheogorath during the events of the Shivering Isles DLC for Oblivion. 

For those who don’t know the full story, I’ll elaborate. This spiky dude is the Daedra in question:

This image is from the Elder Scrolls Wiki on Jyggalag, and it defines him as such: “He represents logical order and deduction and has taken account of every detail of the world and of every action that has ever taken place on Mundus or Oblivion, long before they actually happen.” Essentially, Jyggalag is an ancient Daedra wholly representative of logic, order and determinism. Evidently, his logical power was too great, and his realm began to conquer and normalize the chaos that makes up Oblivion. The other Daedric Princes, fearing his power, came together to stop his deterministic reign. So, with their powers combined, they warped him,changed him into a being diametrically opposed to everything he was at the time. The result was Nirn’s kooky, cheese loving uncle, Sheogorath; prince of madness, creativity, and chaos.

Jyggalag is the primary antagonist of the Shivering Isles DLC in Oblivion. His appearance is the result of the Grey Marches; a process that occurs at the end of every era by which Jyggalag reasserts his identity over Sheogorath and leads an assault on the Shivering Isles. By the end, ol’ Sheo regains control and must remake the isles in his image. In Oblivion, Sheogorath throws a wrench in this process by bringing you in on this cycle. You face Jyggalag in open combat, and free the two from each other (sort of). You are then given the title of Prince of Madness and control over the Shivering Isles. This is a fantastic DLC, and one of my favorite questlines in the series. But there was always something weird about it.

So now its time for the evidence. The primary thing that jumped out at me at first is that Jyggalag is pretty much never mentioned outside the confines of the Shivering Isles DLC. In my research I found a single book that mentions him all of once. You would think that arguably the most powerful Daedric Prince who upsets the natural chaos of Oblivion would have mention? Worshippers? A summoning day separate from Sheo? Anything?

Furthermore, a few things about his whole shtick bug me. First of all, he’s definitely a Daedra, not even like a Meridia situation where he used to be a Magna Ge or something. But here’s the thing; Daedra are inherently Padomeic. To describe it briefly, they’re all beings born of true, unalterable chaos which stand in opposition to Anu, and - by extention - the Divines. So a Daedra entirely devoted to law and order seems counter intuitive. Even more order-focused Daedra like Peryite and Hermaeus Mora go about it so differently than the walking calculus equation that is Jyggalag. Secondly, his transformation into Sheogorath is a truly hogwild concept in terms of the Daedra. As soon as I heard that every single Daedric Prince got together to warp Sheogorath I instinctively scoffed. Let’s remember that most of the Deadric princes Despise each other. Like, a band that broke up in the 90′s level of drama hate each other, just look at Molag Bal and Meridia for one (I fully support her btw, take any chance possible to stick it to that shitty old bitch). So the concept that they could ever be brought into the same accord either speaks to how scary this supposed prince was or how outlandish the story is.

Now here’s the kicker, and for it we have to look at the transition between Oblivion and Skyrim. So when you defeat Jyggalag after Sheo becomes him (which, by the way, is inane on its own that you, a mortal, beat a literal GOD in a sword fight). He informs you that he is free of his bond to Sheo, and he says some weird stuff. Not, like, Sheogorath weird, but definitely weird in context. 

“Now, though, you have ended the cycle. You now hold the mantle of madness, and Jyggalag is free to roam the voids of Oblivion once more. I will take my leave, and you will remain here, mortal. Mortal...? King? God? It seems uncertain. This Realm is yours. Perhaps you will grow to your station. Fare thee well, Sheogorath. Prince of Madness."

So let’s unpack... 

- If Jyggalag and Sheogorath are the same person, why does he get to split off into you, even if you mantled him?

- He is now “off to roam the voids of Oblivion” but we don’t hear a peep out of him in Skyrim. No conquest, no worry from the many Daedra with whom we interact, nothing.

- Him admitting to being uncertain of what you are isn’t necessarily surprising because of the way Elder Scrolls protags are, but even so it seems weird that he won’t even hazard an educated guess.

Now onto Skyrim

Remember Dervenin?

He’s the old, crazed Wood Elf that approaches you in the Streets of Solitude, rambling about his missing “master.” He hands you a dusty old hip bone, you do some trespassing, and lo and behold, his master is Sheogorath. Now, here’s the interesting thing: Dervenin says "My master has abandoned me! Abandoned his people. And nothing I say can change his mind. Now he refuses to even see me. He says I interrupt his vacation! It's been so many years... Won't you please help?"

So here’s the thing. We now know that Sheogorath has not been in the Shivering Isles for years. And with Dervenin’s advanced age (bosmer can live about 300 years on average) and his apparent presence in the Shivering Isles DLC, we can assume he means a very long time.

With all that said, here is the crux of the theory, a concept that, in my mind, can go one of two ways. No matter what, I believe that Jyggalag, the Grey Marches, everything were just some elaborate excuse/prank so that Sheogorath, in the form of some made up order god, could go on his extended vacation. So either the Grey Marches do in fact happen every era as a means for Sheogorath to remake his realm however he wants OR It was simply a massive one-time uber-shenanigan so that Sheogorath could A: get away for a while from the same old Shivering Isles, and B: make a famous mortal fall from grace, go mad, look stupid, etc. 

While many believe that the Sheo we meet in Skyrim is physically the Hero of Kvatch in his form, I have come to think that the Hero likely was mortal, and continued being as such until their eventual death of old age while Sheogorath scooted around doing whatever.

I do have more evidence, but this post is already running SUPER long and my tinfoil hat weighs heavy. So if you managed to make it this far, I’m really curious to hear what you think! Blessings of the Mad God upon ye!

#TES #Oblivion #Skyrim #Lore #Long Post #jyggalag #sheogorath #shivering isles #theory #Why are you booing? I'm right.

[bunny-banana]

For the director's cut thing, the story where Fabri asks Ermal out on a date but Ermal doesn't realize that? 👀

YO SO WE GONNA DO THAT OR WHAT

Its this fic btw if anyones curious.  

Chap 1

Even with closed eyes, he sensed the man lying next to him turn towards him but Fabrizio did not spoke immediately. No, he just stayed silent for a bit, Ermal wasn’t quite sure what he was observing but before Ermal could ask, Fabrizio broke the silence.

its u. he’s gazing at u, u idiot.

*

*

’You didn’t exactly give off the vibe that you’d say yes’

“What the fuck does that even mean? I don’t give off the vibe?!”

mr no-homo meta has NO right to be surprised at that. boy went into a panic attack every time someone as much as breathed the suggestion ofc fab was Anxious

*

*

A certain Roman showing up at his doorstep looking like he’d belong to the Milan Fashion Week.A tight grey shirt whose top three buttons almost begged to be opened (yet remained miraculously, in Fabris case, closed!) clung nicely to the body underneath it. A very fine silver chain hung around his neck that perfectly fit with the rings and the watch on his hand.Instead of ripped denim, now tight & shiny dark jeans were worn and to round this look up, an impeccably tailored black, suit jacket was thrown over him.

so not to be Hoe on main but we all just love Sexy Fab.  but more so, i really thought Fabrizio would have put a lot of effort into dressing nicely this time around. Probably called a few friends, crying to help him. He just wanted Ermal to like his look. Which he did.   A lot.  again, outstanding heterosexual of the year, ermal meta is completely mesmerised by that look.

*

*

“Well, well, Fab. Gotta say, this place is on a whole different level“ The curly haired man commented as he flipped through the menu.“You like it?”“How could I not?”

again, Fabrizio intentionally looking up a fancy place for their Date, something he actually felt a little bit uncomfortable about himself and wouldnt normally chose for himself. But then again, he was greatly relieved when Ermal actually did say he liked it.

*

*It felt.. nice. The whole evening was quite nice, Ermal had to admit, even with the unusual ambient.

Ermal is just honestly iconic in this fic. man enjoys fabrizios appearance, enjoys talking with him,  eating out with him, just spending time with him in general sooo much……and yet.

*

*

Fabrizio tilted his head and was it the candle light or something else, but a intriguing shine filled his eyes.“I’d know something sweeter than this.” In the next moment, everything turned upside down when Fabrizio suddenly took his hand and intertwined their fingers, his thumb gently brushing over the back of the younger man’s hand.

THE COURAGE THIS TOOK. THE NERVES WHICH WERE WRECKED.  Fab really just went “ok here we go balls to the wall now or never”

*

*

Chap2

“So, Fabrizio….Fabrizio likes me. Apparently.” It felt interesting to say it out loud. Ermal got a tingly feeling at the thought. So ..it was him who made Fabrizio blush earlier? Who made him nervous? And smiley?  Christ, he actually really wanted Ermal to like his outfit, didn’t he? A small smirk found its way on Ermal’s face. Who would have thought that he’d have Fabrizio Moro of all people wrapped around his finger.

erm: so im het

also erm: wow i really really like the fact that fabrizio is into me. its actually super exciting. kinda makes me happy in a way.

*

*

“Wait, what?! I should ask him out?!”“Yeah? Isn’t that something you want?”Is that something he- But that would imply that he’d want to pursue Fabrizio, his very male, masculine, manly friend Fabrizio who was definitely not by any chance a woman. To have a relationship with guy that was …..romantic… and oh sweet Mother of God, sexual?!“I- I- I don’t know.”

so yeah, to get to the bottom of this, when you’re in the process of realising your own …..non-heterosexuality, its just A Lot to take in.  I thought, realistically, that would just be a bit too much for Ermal to take in at that moment. He had to process the mere thought of “yes, you could have a romantic relationship with this guy, since he’s into you. Its absolutely a possibility”. When you’re conditioned to think “i can only ever date people of the opposite sex” all your life, it takes a bit of time to get accustomed to new possibilities.

And then theres the sexual aspect which is like, on Jupiter, for Ermal’s current state of mind.

*

*

Chap3

The video he currently was immersed in showed a slow-mo fight between a mongoose and a cobra that in all its intensity outdid any action movie in a heartbeat.

i remember watching that vid before writing that chapter and being mesmerised by it. u fucking go lil mongoose!

*

*

[Bizio]: sorry i cant this weekend

First, i just love the thought of him being saved as Bizio on Ermals phone. Second, the reason why he replied so late was because he was wrecking his mind about it. Should he go? should he not? god, the thought of seeing ermal excited him and yet scared him. nonononno. he’s trying to get Over Ermal. He needs space. he is not ready yet.

*

*

[Ermal]:Fabri!! Heard you’re coming up North! 😁 I have this excellent bottle of wine that a fan gave me the other day (don’t ask) so how about we open it at my place? I know you love a good wine 😉🍷

He couldn’t even slide the phone back into his pocket before it started buzzing. Surprisingly, the reply came almost instantly this time.[Bizio]:sorry no the schedule is pretty tight for me at the moment i dont think ill have much time in milan

i just image him getting the weirdest fucking fan gifts. also lmao the lightning speed with which fab replied. homeboy saw that wine would be involved and imemdiately thought “nononononono. worst case, my drunk ass might kiss him, god forbid. we are absolutely not gonna do that”

*

*

[Ermal]:So I’m flipping through the channels at home and there comes a baking show and I wouldn’t normally stop to watch but you know what they’re baking? Those creamy pastry things we had in Lisbon!

Now the idea about the Pasteis de Nata stemms from a real life event! During ESC 2018 i slept at a friends house and since the contest was held in Portugal we decided to cook something portuguese. Thats what we did. They fucking slap. Also, one of the best weekends ive ever had

*

*

However, this is how things continued as to all of Ermal’s messages, he’d receive rather uncharacteristically short replies. When he sent him photos he’d often not reply at all and even when he called Fabri didn’t pick.

Okay we have to image in WHAT kinda mental state Fabrizio is in that time. Boy is EMBARASSED to death. Then obviously, he is trying his hardest to get rid of this crush.  So he just isnt talking to Ermal at all. Which in turn makes him lonely and sad.  So then Ermal shoots him a message, sends him a picture and Fabrizio is immediately head over heels again. Which he shouldnt be. Bad Fabri. And the circle repeats itself.

*

*

Fabrizio who smiled sweetly at the host, who hugged her tightly, who joked with her and oh, whose eyes didn’t stick to her face but wandered more and more south.

Dude honestly, Fab was not flirting with anyone. He was just being nice as he usually is. And we all know he a lil bit sleazy so yeah, he might have looked down once or twice. but he really was not flirting. It was just Ermals affection-deprived mind going berserk.

Also that was the first time Ermal witnessed Fabrizio being affectionate with someone else. And the contrast to that cold shoulder he received was just the last straw for him.

*

*

“Why is he all smiley and lovey-dovey with her while he treats me as if I’m a war criminal?!” Ermal shouted the second the other line got picked up.“Uhm, hello? Maybe a ‘Good morning’ first of all? A simple ‘how are you doing, Sabina?’ would have been appreciated too.”

Damn bitch can ya greet ur sister first before going off smh

*

*

And would it have been really that bad if Ermal had just held on to his hand? Let Fabrizio gently stroke him with his thumb, maybe even squeeze back while Ermal’s finger draws circles over letters that covered the older man’s knuckles.It would have been nice and Ermal would have liked it.

I think he just needed to see what he was missing out to realise what he really has always wanted. If things were to go back to normal, he would have never made any realisations.

*

*

“Am I- Do I like Fabrizio?”

No, we dont ask what he is. Because thats for another time, a calmer time. Or maybe not at all. He doesnt know the answer to that question and its not important right now. All he knows is that despite it all, he likes Fabrizio.

*

*

The fact he was a guy was new, but those feelings involved weren’t.

I feel like this is just a very bisexual experience. At least to me it was. Its very confusing when u are genuinely attracted to the opposite sex, so you make the conclusion: you are obviously straight. Its not possibly that you are not-straight.  

Then u start feeling attraction to someone of ur own gender and its like “hmmm. Obviously this must be fake since we have established that Im genuinely attracted to the opposite sex ”

But the thing is..it aint going away. And then u think how you’d perhaps be down for sex, and perhaps be down for something more, and perhaps do all those nice things you would be doing with someone of the opposite sex.  

So yeah, its ..its really confusing and complicated to figure it out. And if you actually do have a feelings for someone it only makes matters more complicated ig

*

*

“Jesus, I really do like him. Me. Liking a guy.”

Again, once u made That Realisation, its just the WILDEST thing in the beginning. a complete NEW concept being applied to yourself.

*

*

“LISTEN CUT THE BULLSHIT I KNOW EXACTLY THAT YOU’RE HOME! OPEN UP OR I WILL STAND HERE ALL NIGHT I’M NOT FUCKING AROUND!” In addition to the knocking he now also started ringing the doorbell. He sure as hell wouldn’t move here until that door wasn’t opened.“I DONT GIVE A FUCK, I WON’T EVEN SLEEP AND NEITHER WILL YOU. I CAN GO ON FOREVER YOU HEAR ME, FABRIZIO MOBRICI?!”

Ermal is just unhinged in all my fics.

*

*

Epilogue

[Ermal💛]: You ready?

Fabrizio added that heart right immediately after Ermal left his house a week prior.

*

*

Ermal looked….cuddly.

So yeah we all know Fab isnt the keenest on fashion and shit. And i just though Ermal would want him to be as comfortable as possible on their date, so he was like “ay come casual” . and also, its sort of cute that Ermal lets Fabri see him so casual too, its sort of more private in that sense.

*

*

And those were still the mild surprises, let’s not start with the downright shock he felt when his brain started providing words like kissable, attractive, sexy and hot during lonelier nights.

i have a fic for those kinda nights too

*

*

“It’s not that far and God knows men your age need the exercise anyway.”

ermal just cant show affection like a normal person, he has to roast u even when he’s madly in love with u

*

*

What followed behind the colourful door was a small chaos. Literally. People constantly coming and going, with buzzing voices chatting in every corner. They made their way half through the rather crowded establishment, got greeted by a waiter who rushed past them, before they finally spotted a couple leaving, liberating two chairs for them.

SO YEAH. the restaurant. it is loosely based on a place here in Vienna. Its pakistani food too, its a buffet, its kinda chaotic like described in the fic. also u can pay as much as u want.

i just thought, yknow, its home made cooking and its kinda relaxed and chill and casual and has a certain liberal flair to it. and i thought yeah that has fabri energy we gonna use that. also their mango rice puddings fucking slap

*

*

Languages were not his forte, those belonged to Ermal, but Fabrizio ran through his options. It surely wasn’t French or Spanish, that he would at least recognise. German looked different too; they had those dots over their U’s and those curly B’s which allegedly weren’t B’s at all. Swedish? Danish? No. He’s been to Ikea often enough to know that his wardrobe wouldn’t be called Qershor. And Russian had different letters but maybe it was something similar to Russian?

Okay, so I’m a known Slut for Languages.  Fabrizio is not. I can pretty much recognise most European languages in written form at some point in a text. Fabrizio can not. Therefore writing this from the perspective of someone who really isnt into languages was kind of interesting and a bit challenging. I was just thinking ‘how would he recognise them when he isnt into them?’  And i think, in the end, i did it realistically.

*

*

“Is it like..Serbian? Croatian? Or something?” He mumbled while putting a piece of eggplant in his mouth but quickly realised the answer when Ermal almost spit out his water from laughing.“No, definitely not. I can guarantee you, it’s very much not Serbian or Croatian ‘or something’.” Ermal chuckled with a bright smile, obviously enjoying their little guessing game. “But you’re close. In a way.”

This is SO embarrassing but this whole language guessing game was just a setup to an inside joke I have with myself.  So, for those who don’t know, I speak Serbo-Croatian. And I study Slavic studies. The first things they tell you in the first lesson of the Slavic Linguistics course is “Please, for the love of God, PLEASE, dont say Albanian/Hungarian/Romanian is a slavic language”. Apparently many europeans assume these languages are because theyre surrounded by slavic countries. BUT TO AN ACTUAL SLAVIC NATIVE SPEAKER, the difference is immediately obvious and so its quite comical when people assume theyre related languages.   So i thought the reverse would be kinda funny to Ermal too.

*

*

“I can be anything the teacher wants me to be. A good student, a naughty student, whatever floats his boat…” He asked sultrily before winking at the man across of him whose higher brain functions seemed to have ceased at once and just gaped at him like a fish.

boys whole brain got fried when the sexiest man in italy started flirting with him. issokay, he was just shocked. fabrizio has never been flirty with him before, he’ll get used to it.

*

*

“I was just trying to give you the best date that I could.“At those words, the Roman frowned however."Wait, this was a date?!”

im just an asshole honestly

*

*

They giggled as they finally closed the gap between them going for a slow and deep kiss.

i just love them being all SOFT and in LOVE

*

*

“Erm, I- I have an instore tomorrow, I better be well rested.”His counterpart just huffed and raised an eyebrow.“So were you planning on staying up all night, huh?”

Fabs horn dog brain definitively went HmmmmMmm this is nice:) ..could get even nicer:)  but no fuck, i have work to do tomorrow

*

*

“Love how you immediately forget about a good night’s sleep once you have a tongue in your mouth.”“Fuck off.”

He just got carried away as if u were complaining ermal smh

*

*

"I bet on everything I have that your password is 'liberoanita1’ so yes, I actually can.”

Parents culture is just using ur children’s names as all your passwords and we all know Fabri is that kinda parent.

*

*

All in All, i also wanna talk about how the epilogue mirrors the first chapter, but in a more successful light.

Fabrizio dresses for Ermal - Ermal dresses for Fabrizio

fancy place - more casual place

They take the car - they walk

Fabrizio takes Ermals hand on the open for everyone to see - Ermal takes Fabrizios hand under the table, in private

They eat their dessert seperately - they eat theri dessert together

they fall out - they become closer, kiss

they dont talk - they plan the next date

anyway thanks for reading and thank uuuuuu for this ask julchen

#my fics

[reddeadmort]

Hmm dunno if you do modern Arthur ones but I'd love a modern or time-travelling Arthur reacting to snapchat filters. Can includes other gang members too, whomever you feel like writing.

Thank you for being so patient @nordic-breeze ! This started as just a general Arthur and social media, but then kind of accidentally evolved into a slight commentary of issues that women sometimes face. Not too sure on this one, but I hope it’s along the lines of what you were hoping for :) 

If anyone wants a bit of background reading/scene setting, I wrote some HC’s for my take on Modern Arthur - they can be found here. 

Btw, the catcalls/comments are real ones, taken from videos on youtube. And, tbh, they are some of the milder ones that feature.

Modern Arthur x f! reader | “Surely that’s enough photos now….”

Guidance: Minor fluff, protective Arthur, catcalling/sexual comments/threats

Words: 2.1k

“I just….. I don’t understand? Why do I need to be in the picture, surely it’s the skyline they want to see?”

Arthur was standing in the doorway of your balcony, facing away from you, looking out over the city. He was topless, leaning against the door frame with his arms and ankles crossed.

“Arthur, they’re following you to see YOU, not some boring modern buildings” you chuckled, as you took yet another photo.

You’d waited a while before introducing Arthur to the concept of social media; you didn’t really use it all that much yourself. You quite enjoyed using Snapchat, it was an easy way to keep up to date with your friends back home. Arthur had asked what you were doing during one of your selfie sessions sat next to him on the sofa; you’d shown him some of filters, but they completely befuddled him. 

When you’d flicked on the flower crown, he’d looked frantically between your head and the face on the screen, muttering “but there’s nothing there…” to himself. He’d practically jumped over the back of the couch when you’d done a face swap with him; it was all a bit too much. He’d spent the rest of the evening in a bit of a confused grump, occasionally pausing Netflix to ask a question -  “why do people want to take so many pictures of their own face”, “why do they change how you look so much” “why would you want to look like a dog”. You tried explaining that it was just a bit of fun, but knew when a concept was a lost cause.

Arthur was much happier to help you out with your Instagram. You didn’t post that often, mostly nice photos you’d taken on your treks. But Arthur enjoyed helping you with pictures, and the man did have an artistic flair; he’d gotten pretty good at framing the photos. He’d even started taking some pictures of his work building treehouses, mostly just to show you. Eventually, you managed to persuade him that posting these to Instagram might help promote his business; he’d agreed, but only under the proviso that you dealt with the actual posts/timings/hashtags etc. You had got a few good leads for his work through Instagram, but those jobs were mostly for rich families that had more money than sense. Arthur didn’t love doing these projects, they always ended being more 4 bedroom houses on stilts than rustic treehouses, but they did mean that he could afford to do builds for local charities at less than cost price.

But you knew that the main reason people followed Arthur was for Arthur, no matter how beautiful his work was. And so here you were, once again making him reluctantly pose for yet another picture.

“There we go, plenty to choose from now. You’re free to go now Arthur.” He let out an audible sigh of relief as he walked over to you to have a look at what you’d taken.

“I really don’t see why this is a good picture. All you can see is me pretty much.” Arthur shook his head. “Those ones that fella took of animals back in my time were much better”.

“Arthur, I’ve got 4 words for you: shoulder to waist ratio.”

“I’ll pretend I know what that means” he grunted as he pulled his t-shirt back on over his head. It had a Thor design on it; Arthur had become quite keen on Marvel. That photo you’d posted on your Instagram of him messing around, pretending to pull something out of the ground (copying the first Thor film), had got thousands of likes, despite you only having a few hundred followers. It was at that point you’d decided to set up his own account.

“Anyway Y/N, we best be goin’ to the gym if we want to eat before bed.”

“Yeh, good point, I’ll go grab my stuff.” You went to grab your workout bag with your clothes in from your bedroom as Arthur went and got changed into his, then started the short walk to the gym. As you walked, you chatted, then Arthur asked you a question.

“Here, Y/N, how come you don’t wear your gym clothes? Why’d ya always get changed there? We only live a few streets away.”

“Because, Arthur, I don’t like the attention I get. It’s not so bad when we walk together, but if I’m by myself…. It makes me uncomfortable. It can be pretty bad even if I’m not wearing my workout stuff.”

“I don’t understand? What attention?” 

Sighing, you came to a stop, looking around.

“Look, Arthur, see that group of lads sat outside that shop?” you pointed up the street. “I see them a lot. I hear them a lot. Just walk behind me a bit, close enough to hear what they say, not so close that they think we’re together.”

“Alright, but I don’t really know why. They usually don’t say anything to me.”

“Arthur, that’s because you’re not a… never mind, just follow and listen, okay? And only listen. Whatever you hear, DON’T do anything, promise?”

Arthur grunted as you walked off, then followed behind as instructed. As you suspected, even though you weren’t wearing your gym leggings and sports top, the lads quickly took notice of you.

“Hey what’s up girl, how you doin’!”

“Smile baby!”

“That’s a gorgeous ass, I’d like to hold you down while I slap it”

“Hey bitch, we’re complimenting you, you should thank us!”

You controlled your breathing and continued to walk at a steady pace, stopping in a doorway further up the street so Arthur could catch up. When he did, he looked furious.

“I’m gonna kill ‘em.” He muttered through clenched teeth.

“Arthur, you can’t. And anyway, there’s like 6 of them and one of you. Let’s not get you arrested or killed, alright?”

“But…. they shouldn’t be sayin’ those things (Y/N)! It ain’t right.” You could see him clenching and unclenching his fists.

“No Arthur, it isn’t. And I hate that because of men like them I’ve changed my behaviour and changed what I wear. But I do it to try and make myself feel safer, cause one day, someone may do more than just say things.”

Arthur wrapped his large arms around you and hugged you tight. “I’m sorry (Y/N), sorry that I didn’t understand.”

“It’s alright Arthur, now come on, we want to get to the gym while it’s not too busy.”

Arthur was quieter than normal as you walked the rest of the way – you could tell he was mulling things over. Being yanked from his time into the modern world had made him a bit naïve; it baffled him that 100 or so years later, some of the same issues still existed. 

——-

Arthur was indeed thinking about what he’d heard, but he was also thinking about what he himself had said in the past. Some of those off-hand comments to prostitutes in the saloons, things he’d said to Karen when she’d been drunk…….

You thought he was a good man, and here and now he’d done nothing to prove you wrong, but every so often a memory of his past would float up, reminding him of the things he used to do. But he’d been given a second chance - this time, he was determined to do better.

—–

You had a good workout; you always did with Arthur. You would chat and laugh together, and he was always great at motivating and encouraging you. You helped out each other’s routines where you could, but one thing you could not do was spot him. For god’s sake, the man benched way more than you even weighed. When it came time for this part of his workout, you left him with some of the other gym guys he’d grown friendly with and went to do your cardio. You didn’t love running on a treadmill, but in the city it was really the only option.

You were in your own little world when you noticed a man stood to your side talking to you. He was smiling at you; you took your headphones out, assuming he wanted to ask how much longer you’d be.

“Hello gorgeous.” Those words, from someone you didn’t know, gave you chills. “I’d love to give you some tips.”

“I’m alright thanks” you said as you gave a slight smile. It was one that you’d carefully crafted over the years; not quite big enough to encourage someone, not too small as to risk being called rude.

“No, sweetcheeks, you realllllly need my help. Here…..” As the man said it, he stepped even closer and put his hand on your back, while you were still jogging.

You slammed the stop on the machine and turned as quickly as you could away from him.

“I said I’m fine, please don’t touch me.” You were forceful, but not loud – you really didn’t want to cause a scene in the middle of the gym.

“Bitch, you need my help. You need teaching a thing or two.” The man grabbed at you again, this time managing to get your wrist. He was big, strong, you tried to pull away but you couldn’t. Sod not causing a scene, you thought, I’m getting this fucker banned.

You were about to scream at the man when suddenly he let you go. This had something to do with the fact that an enraged, sweating Arthur had grabbed him by the front of his shirt and was practically lifting him off the ground. Arthur wasn’t much larger than him, but much stronger; Arthur wasn’t a poser, he worked out for strength, relaxation, not definition.

“I think the lady said she’s fine without you goddammit” he snarled into the man’s face.

“What the fuck do you care buddy” the man retorted back, pushing Arthur away. “Me and this bitch need to do some more talking.” This man either had balls of steel or was a complete moron. You suspected the latter; a case of more muscles than brain cells.

“No, mister, me and you need to do some talkin’. And I think my friends might want to help with that.“ The man paled as he finally looked past Arthur.

Turning, you saw what he’d just seen; 3 of Arthur’s gym friends, each of them the same size or even larger than Arthur. You knew these guys, they were always polite, always happy to help you when some other arsehole had left some massive weights on a stand you wanted to use. And, as an added bonus, one of them was the gym’s manager.

“I’ll finish this with you another time girly” the man hissed at you, before quickly turning and walking away as Arthur took a step forwards.

“No he bloody won’t. Y/N, I’m so sorry about this, I’ll go and get him revoked right away” said the manager. “I’ll also make sure that the office send round his picture to all the local gyms, try and stop him doing it elsewhere. If you want me to ring someone, just say.” You nodded and smiled, as the others went back to what they were doing. Arthur stayed with you, checking your wrist.

“You alright (Y/N)? I’m sorry for intervenin’, I know ya could’ve handled him, I just saw red. Especially after what you showed me earlier.”

“Yeh, I’m fine, thanks Arthur” you smiled at him as he rubbed your bruised wrist. “I just wish it wasn’t something I had to deal with, you know?”

“Yeh, I know. I just don’t understand why nothin’ much has really changed. At least back with the gang I could deal with someone that did stuff like this properly.” As you looked into his eyes, you could see that glimmer of animalistic rage that appeared occasionally. Arthur had done well to adjust to modern life, but you knew that sometimes he struggled with not being able to fight his way out of situations. It had worked well for him for years back in his time - to a point anyway.

“Come on Arthur, why don’t we go and do a little bit on the punching bags to cool off. We can take a few more pictures.”

Arthur groaned. “Surely we’ve got enough pictures already?”

“Stop your whining, I know you secretly love the attention.” You jokingly stuck your tongue out out him. “Tell you what, I’ll treat you to dinner on the way back after, to say thanks for being my big burly cowboy.” You knew Arthur liked it when you called him a cowboy, it always made him laugh and think of some of those ridiculous films.

“Sound’s like a plan, Y/N. As long as I getta choose.”

“So, Five Guys again then.” Arthur grinned as you sighed, smiling, and went to finish your workout.

#arthur morgan x reader #arthur morgan x f reader #arthur morgan #modern arthur morgan #arthur morgan fluff #my work #arthur morgan fic #fanfic #red dead fanfic #rdr2 #rdr2 x reader

[sailor-freak]

Halestorm: The Strange Case Of... - Album Review

(image source)

As I have uploaded a ranking of this album to my YouTube channel I think it’s finally time for me to review it! This is my first time reviewing an album that’s not new haha also btw for anyone expecting poetic brilliance that’s not here it’s legit just me giving my opinions of the songs 😂. But this is my favourite Halestorm album (so far) and the only one I own (again, so far, I ordered self-titled with a gift card my uncle got me for my birthday haha) so why not review it 😂.

Love Bites (So Do I) - BOP. That’s it 😂. My full post on this song is linked in the song titles (as will all songs on here I’ve already posted about) but for an opener to the record man it’s SOLID. I love how it was inspired by their Slave to the Grind cover, and the tempo is so similar but it’s also really different sounding? Like, they didn’t just copy that song they took the tempo and made something of their own. Love it 😂.

Mz. Hyde - Ahh this song is so dark and creepy and HEAVY I love it 😂. The way it starts off so dark, then the verses are lighter as she sings about the nice side of herself, then the chorus gets dark again, ICONIC. I think I’ve also said this before but the “it’s me Lzzy I swear” is the most iconic line in Halestorm history and you can fight me on that. I also love the way it transitions SO neatly into the next banger...

I Miss The Misery - THIS TRANSITION KILLED ME ON FIRST LISTEN a lot of albums do neat transitions like this but I don’t think I’ve heard one more beautiful than this 😂. I think you should know by now this is not only my favourite Halestorm song but my favourite song just... ever? Like my post gives a proper discussion of the song (although it was one of my earlier posts so maybe I need to amend that lol) but this was the first Halestorm song I listened to, and I was HOOKED immediately. It’s so rock and roll but it has its own elements that just make it stand out, and no Halestorm song since has topped that. AND I’VE LISTENED TO A LOT OF HALESTORM 😂. So yeah, best song on the album, there you go.

Freak Like Me - Ahh my first post on here 😂. So I didn’t talk about the song like at all in this post so I best do that oops 😂. What I love about the song is the anthem quality it has, not just in the lyrics but musically the chorus really makes it stand out just among the freak community, possibly due to the guys’ backing vocals on the “freak like me” line itself, it just makes it a group effort and celebrates the unity of Halestorm and their fans. Another thing I LOVED was Lzzy’s scream before the riff, you know, the one that goes on for longer than the last note of So Much Better? The first time I heard that I was SHOOK, it just demonstrates Lzzy’s vocals so well 😂.

Beautiful With You - Oo, the start of the “ballad section” of the album. I think it’s pretty solid 😂. I’ll admit, when I first listened to this album I came looking for bops, so this section was kinda disappointing on first listen. Not because they were bad at all, I just was looking for songs similar to I Miss The Misery and Love Bites, so they sort of didn’t sit well with my brain? Too many ballads 😂. But having listened to the album and these songs more, and sort of understanding that this section is important to the record, I’ve grown to love them? And this one I did like on first listen, maybe it was the guitar but there was parts of the lyrics that really stood out to me, maybe not on a personal level but they were just nice, so I thought why not and I added it to my playlist 😂. I definitely prefer the heavier songs both on this album and in general usually, but this one has some really strong parts.

In Your Room - I think this was the first song I was really disappointed with on first listen? And it’s still not one of my favourites. The meaning behind this is really great, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong musically. I actually like the subtlety of the first chorus, it blends in nicely with the verses, then when the second one comes round it’s like a pleasant surprise 😂. I think it was the lyrics that bugged me, however, I don’t know if this is just my sadistic mind but I thought an interesting take on it would be a sort of creepy turn? Saying stuff like “I’m right outside your door” and stuff, if you take away the sentiment of the song it has the potential to be like a stalker song 😂. Maybe if it was on their first album it would have taken that direction? I just think that would have been interesting 😂.

Break In - (let’s just ignore the fact I’m buzzing about the studio version with Amy Lee that’s coming out this summer) This one I really have grown to love, again with stepping away from my need for heavy bangers I really appreciate this for what it is. There’s nothing complicated about it, it’s a simple piano ballad with some harmonies thrown in. I don’t think there’s been a song like this since? I mean, Dear Daughter was piano till the band came in, and Heart of Novocaine was acoustic guitar, but this being purely piano really makes it stand out, not just in this record but out of their discography. Idk, it’s simple, it’s heartfelt, I love it 😂.

Rock Show - Oooo... surprisingly this is my least favourite song off the album. I thought I’d love it, the concept and meaning behind it is amazing. I think it’s just something with me personally? Lyrically there’s not a lot to dislike, I love the descriptions of the experience at a rock gig as an audience member, it taps into that deeper feeling than just going to enjoy music, it is an experience on a higher level. However, because of the inspiration behind this song it uses “little girl” to address it... I don’t like that shit 😂. Idk if you know me but I hate being patronised, don’t call me little I’ll step on you 😂. So, I think this is a great song for that girl it was written for, but as an older person listening to this song it just doesn’t get to me.

Daughters of Darkness - Okay, this is where I feel addressed 😂. While Rock Show was dedicated to one young girl who enjoys rock gigs, this one is for ALL the ladies who love them. Similar to Freak Like Me it has an anthem feel to it, with the “na na na na na” bit (felt like I was quoting MCR there lol), but it’s like... specifically for the girls 😂. I think I mentioned this but I love the symphonic / orchestral additions to it? Reminds me of Nightwish (who are actually the only band I’ve seen live so far in my 19 years of existence), so that really adds a whole element of enjoyment for me personally. It’s one of the darker and heavier songs on the record (I mean the title does suggest that), and is one of my absolute favourites, was from the start. When I came to this album looking for bangers THIS ONE REALLY PROVIDED 😂.

You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing - I relate to this one too much omg 😂. Lyrically, this is absolutely SCANDALOUS, but we love that and that’s the point of the song 😂. Little thing, I love the little chord progression in the intro and instrumentals of the song, just really cool idk what it adds I just love how it sounds 😂. Although I love that I think the lyrics is what makes me love this song, “see you next Tuesday” absolutely iconic 😂. I also love when she says “you call me a freak” and I’m like... WE ARE 😂. Just a little bit I noticed haha, but the concept of let’s sing the most outrageous shit and revel in being called a bitch is absolute class we love 😂.

American Boys - This one is also lower down on my list but it’s not bad at all 😂. It has a real classic rock and roll feel to it, and it is very American sounding which links nicely with the lyrics 😂. I think for most people this song wouldn’t really have a deeper meaning (idk if it does for you then let me know haha), but it’s more of just a casual celebration of the male species in the United States 😂. As I said in that post it does stand out in this album, as it’s not a strong anthem song, a deep personal ballad or embracing being sadistic and scandalous, but that sort of makes it stand out 😂.

Here’s To Us - Oh this song is so wholesome I love it 😂. Aside from this song probably being the only reason I can get through life at the moment (I legit listen to it whenever I get anxiety about anything, my parents, work, general shit I can’t deal with lol), the meaning behind this song is so simple yet so powerful? Just... celebrating Halestorm for who they are, what they’ve achieved, and embracing the bad times and recognising what they are capable of... you really have to know Halestorm to fully appreciate this song. When I first listened to it I had NO IDEA what it was about, I think I legit knew Lzzy’s name and that was it... so hearing this for the first time had no power behind it and I feel so bad, cos your first experience with this song should be the absolute power behind the meaning. Anyway when all the guys sing with Lzzy at the end my weave was snatched and it’s so adorable I love it this song just displays the absolute unit they are, and it really shows how unique of a band they are. Stan 😂.

Don’t Know How To Stop - Bonus tracks time! Honestly... this song is too perfect for the start of the bonus tracks I like... it’s iconic 😂. Since The Pretty Reckless’ Death by Rock and Roll came out today I’ve been listening to a lot of them and I see similarities lyrically between their stuff and this song, like the whole embracing going full force and going too far, like enjoying the rush of it? This song uses a lot of car and road imagery actually (imagery, oo, haven’t used that word since my exams), with “red lights” and “brakes are shot” (I should probably look in my booklet to see if that’s the correct lyric but I can’t be arsed so if it’s wrong soz), as if she’s saying living this extreme crazy rock and roll life is like a car speeding carelessly, and not having the brakes comes into not being able to stop this lifestyle? Idk there’s probably something else there but I’m not getting marked for this am I 😂.

Private Parts (ft. James Michael of Sixx:A.M.) - Okay... can I just start by saying this is a good song. It’s great 😂. Musically there’s nothing wrong with it, the chorus actually bops quite hard considering it’s a deeper song, so there’s nothing wrong there. Lyrically it’s good, I love how the verses are like the argument between these two people, but the first verse is almost like their thoughts aloud? Cos they’re not responding directly to each other, it’s like their own thoughts and feelings coming out, it works really well. But... I cannot listen to this song... I just laugh 😂. I’M SORRY I KNOW IT’S A BOP BUT WHEN SHE KEEPS GOING “SHOW ME YOUR PRIVATE PARTS” I FUCKING PISS MYSELF OKAY IT’S HILARIOUS I’M SORRY I'M SO IMMATURE BUT ALL SENTIMENT IS LOST IN IT 😂.

Hate It When You See Me Cry - Oof I feel this one too much, ngl I’m a little pissed it’s only a bonus track cos it’s the best deep ballad sort of song on the whole album just saying 😂. When they said Lzzy gave into the cheese for this record PRIME EXAMPLE RIGHT HERE PEOPLE fuck I love it 😂. I love how it starts soft, then the band just KICKS IN and while it remains soulful and softer it still SHREDS 😂. But man it was the lyrics that got me, and you know me, I’m not cheesy. I hate cheese both the food and the concept 😂. But for some reason here it doesn’t bother me at all?? Like in fact I LOVE it, the chorus is where it’s most cheesy but I think it fucking works 😂. I’ll inevitably do an individual post on this so I won’t analyse loads but fuck I feel this one 😂.

Overall man this album is a journey 😂. It starts off with the solid bangers, whiplashes into the deep ballads, then brings itself back up before slowing down a little and bringing it to a neat end 😂. I find it weird though that although on first listen I was disappointed with the amount of ballads and how not many songs slapped as hard as Love Bites and I Miss The Misery (fuck those two are the best 😂), but it was still what got me obsessed with Halestorm? Like how could I be “so disappointed” with it yet constantly listen to it and actually fucking BUY the album 😂. I think I was salty cos I came looking for bangers but now I just embrace it all 😂.

#halestorm #halestorm the strange case of #review

[salty-donut-collecter]

Why Not?

Part Twenty-Three 

Twenty-Two      {Masterlist}     Twenty-Four

Chapter Word Count: 1638

Trigger Warnings: This is a very dramatic chapter honestly, so uhh

People get hurt, yelling, crying, mentions of neurodiversity 

Please tell me if I need to tag anything else :)

*Also, I’m planning on having this story as a slow burn, so please be prepared :)

Prompts: “Do I look like I give a fuck?”, “I don’t know what I’m feeling, but I’m feeling a lot of  it.”, and “Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.”

A/N: Okay, so this gets... interesting. I'm not going to tell you how things go in the future, but know that this is a very dramatic turn and I guess I just wanted to warn you a bit before I posted it. I'll answer questions as long as it doesn't spoil anything, so feel free to ask away

Happy reading! (Also, feel free to comment your thoughts! I love reading comments :))

Also, if you’d like to be added to the tags list, please let me know! :D

      _____________________________________________________

You walked down the stairs seeing red, your eyes probably glowing as you couldn't help but hear the numerous amounts of thoughts running through everyone's heads. Complete focus wasn't there. The world blurred, mixed with reds and blacks. Accents of sunlight making everything feel like the Greybeyond from Lord of The Rings after Frodo had put the ring on.

When you get to the living room, you don't stop. The room quiets as everyone starts to stare. Within moments, you have a full room of eyes on you. Their thoughts won't stop, they're clouding your mind like smoke in a strip club.

Through all the noise, you heard Steve speak.

"Y/n, what're you--" his voice was low, like he was talking to an enemy, so you had no moral conflict in interrupting him.

"All of your kids are neurodivergent, and are currently suffering." You practically growled, "And yet you guys are continuing to argue so LOUD without ANY consideration for your children-- the children you chose to adopt and take care of." you spit, your hands balling into fists.

You saw Bucky's face go pale. He glanced at the exit.

A dry chuckle escaped your lips. "You really think they want to see you? After everything they've just listened to?" another sarcastic huff. "Why don't we settle this somewhere they won't hear you?"

Snap.

Your hand was still up when Steve's shield hit your face. Your jaw dislocated-- or maybe it broke. You weren't quite sure. Either way, you took your hand, which was still in its previous position of post-snapping, and used it to relocate your jaw. Seconds later it was healed.

"I'd like to say I'm a very sympathetic person, Steve," You took a breathe, still overwhelmed by the overlapping voices that were composed of everyone's thoughts, "That's why I'm maintaining my composure."

Another breath. You blink.

"However, becoming unhinged and attacking me out of nowhere won't do anyone any good for multiple reasons." you frowned, "I figured, since you'd been the one to teach Maverick that, that you too would understand the concept." your frown deepened, "But I guess being wrong is today's family trend." you sigh.

The place you'd transported everyone wasn't actually real. Technically, they were all still in the living room, passed out. Would you tell them that yet? No, but it helped when you thought about Steve throwing his shield at you thinking it'd actually do anything to you. He had seen you fight, after all.

So yes, instead of actually attempting to teleport them anywhere (which was only something you'd thought you might be able to do), you made it look like you'd teleported them to Château du Guildo, Créhen, France. They were awkwardly standing in the ruins' courtyard during a chill, starry night.

You made things as realistic as possible to evade any suspicion. However, Tony, who was just wearing a tee-shirt, was almost shakey with his arms crossed because you hacked into everyone's hypothalamus (which controls how you feel temperature--Bruce had you learn the known parts of the brain to make your job "easier") so they could feel their surroundings. You used to do things like this for HYDRA as a method of torture, but you tried not to let those types of thoughts enter your mind right now. You didn't need that. You needed to stay focused and concrete.

The more you thought about the way Katie looked at you as you looked

Around at the people your siblings called parents, the more your anger started to boil.

"Now that we have you out of the house," you forced yourself to calm down a little, rubbing the very realistic pain that was still present in your cheek, "What in the fucking UNIVERSE WAS THAT ABOUT?!" You didn't quite scream, but you wanted to--oh how you wanted to.

The so-called Avengers just looked down for a moment.

Then, of course, Steve fucking spoke up.

"Well," he looked around at his teammates, which apparently didn't include you anymore. What a shame. "Some of us don't think you should be... included on the team anymore."

A laugh, one that was so dry and sarcastic, it almost became real, left your lips. "That's rich." You chuckled, wiping a fake tear from your eye.

"Y/n, they're serious." Tony gave you a concerned dad look.

Your semi-forced smile dropped, "I know how serious he is, Tony." You Looked over to Sam, already knowing he was probably on Steve's side. He always was, after all, "They think I'm still controlled by HYDRA. They think I'm a double agent."

Sam stepped up, "HYDRA has nothing to do with this."

Vision chimed in for a moment, "Y/n, we think you're... unstable." he looked at you with a sincerity that no one else seemed capable of, "We only wish to expand your mental stability in order to prevent more outburst that could possibly cause harm towards others. Particularly Katie, and her siblings."

Tony stepped up, now just as angry as he probably was before, "Y/n wouldn't lay a finger on that girl and you know it!" he furiously spat, his hands shaking as he angrily pointed a finger at Vision.

"Tony, we're not saying she'd want to do anything." Steve seemed desperate to make Tony understand, you realized he'd probably been trying all night and getting nowhere. "No one in their right mind would want to hurt that little girl, but--"

"And when was the last time Y/n was in the wrong mindset?" Pietro asked, stepping up to Steve boldly, "When was the last time she did anything without a reason?" he asked, his arms disdainfully swinging at his sides.

Rhodey gave him a pointed look, "What do you call hacking into our locked files and illegally copying them to her laptop?" he asked.

"I call it finding the answers she should've had access to in the first place as a member of the Avengers." Wanda looked at Rhodey like she was reminding him of the fact that she could tear him to pieces in a matter of moments, and that she was definitely thinking about it.

"That's like giving Peter access to all of our files" Natasha rolled her eyes.

"He has access to all of our files," Tony corrected, "He's just too distressingly polite to look through them without our permission." He added.

Peter, who wasn't too far away, nodded. "I feel bad if I don't ask Mr. Stark first, but I do have access to everything, just like Mr. Stark and Steve," he told them. "I thought Y/n had full access too, so I didn't really think anything of it when I heard she hacked us, because what else are you supposed to do when you don't have the password and everyone else is asleep, right?" He nervously chuckled and watched himself shift his feet due to the vast amounts of attention he'd just accidentally earned.

"Besides, what's it to you anyway?" Clint just looked done with everyone, "We're prepared to deal with her if she does lose her shit, which isn't going to happen btw," he paused to take a sip from the coffee pot no one had noticed he had, "and it's not like she's as difficult as Barnes was!" Another sip, "Like, I love the kids as much, if not more, than you do, but she's not a threat to them. They love each other too much." He gave Steve a side look, "Almost like you and Barnes," he commented, proceeding to take a long, loud drink of his coffee as the rest of the world processed what he'd said.

Steve blushed, but didn't let Clint get to him.

"I still think that we just need to make sure--"

"What, exactly?" you snapped, "Because, I don't think there's literally anything for you to be worried about, Steve." You'd slowly become calmer in this atmosphere. It wasn't getting out of hand anymore, and it was more of a debate now. However, hearing Steve had caused your blank expression to fade into a blatantly irritated frown/scowl situation.

"We just want to make sure you're... yourself." Sam tried to reason, "We want to make sure you're well enough to have full control of yourself--"

"So it is about HYDRA?" you interjected, already knowing how the rest of his statement would've sounded.

No one said anything.

You scoffed, "unbelievable." you look up to the heavens you hoped didn't have to see this, "To think I believed you when you told me I was a part of the team. That you thought I was all better and wanted me here because I made a good edition." you threw your hands up as tears started to form in your eyes, "And all that other complete bullshit you were feeding me." You laughed, your voice breaking, "When all you really wanted was another helpless mess that wanted nothing more than to try and make up for all the horrible things they'd done. You wanted someone just trying to change-- because after James, Pietro, Wanda, really everyone here, you just couldn't get enough. You just love a sob story, huh?!" You sniffed, looking down at everyone around. Most everyone just had their heads down in shame.

You smiled, nodding as the tears started to fall. The overlapping voices weren't helping, but you could barely hear them anymore. Not over the quickly developing silence that your brain demanded.

"Not even a word." You continue to nod, not knowing what else to do, "I get it. I see." A sad, sinister smile appears on your face as an idea popped into your head.

"That's alright," You stopped nodding, smiling at the floor and whispering, "that just means you won't mind when I leave."

With that statement, you look up just in time to see everyone's final face of panic before--

Snap.

_____

Taglist: @introvertedsin @galacticalstarcat @acidrain707

#why not fanfic #avengers x reader #avengers fic #MCU fanfiction #MCU #why not? #peter x reader #dad!tony x reader #dad!tony #tony x daughter!reader #my fanfiction #marvel #marvel fic #x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker x stark!reader #tony stark #daughter!reader #reader insert #reader #reader-insert #reader-interactive #marvel fanfic

[horansqueen]

BabyGirl 5.0

NOTES:

♥ this is based on a concept i received a few weeks ago and ppl asked that i made a story with it. ♥ i planned 3-4 long parts but i think it’ll be 8-10 short parts ♥ 3.8k. fluff. ♥ there may be smut but i doubt it and IF it happens it wont be as explicit as my other smut works. ♥ i didn’t proofread and if you read my stuff you know i never do because im a lazy ass. ♥ i am not totally happy with this chapter, but i hope you guys like it. Thank you so so much to those of you who still read this story. It means so so much that you gave this a chance and stuck to it as readers. thank you times a million! btw im sorry this is a bit late!! ♥ if you have any questions please dont hesitate.

♥ PART 1  // PART 2 // PART 3  // PART 4

                     5.0  ♥ GUILT TRIP & FIREWORKS ♥

HIM

"Mommyyyyyy!"

The yell coming from the living room made my lips curl and I  took my hand away slowly, looking up in her eyes. She chuckled and we left everything behind to walk to Chelsea who was searching through the dvds. I glanced back, not liking the fact that we didn't clean anything, but I tried to put my attention back on my daughter as she pulled on a movie, making a few others fall on the sides. She quickly turned to us, her messy hair flying around her face, and held out the dvd to her mom who took a step closer to grab it.

"It's movie time mommy!"

I noticed her face immediately change and I frowned as she looked back up and tilted her head, clearly torn and unsure of what to say.

"We normally watch a movie on Christmas morning." she just explained without sending me a glance. "You're welcome to watch it with us, if you want."

I slipped my hands in my pockets and nodded slowly, a bit unsure of what exactly was happening. All I knew was that this whole morning had changed me. I couldn't believe what being there with them made me feel, and at the same time, I couldn't really explain it. I wanted to stay, and I was happy when she proposed me to. I walked to the couch and took a seat right before Chelsea jumped next to me, making the whole couch shake. She leaned her head against the back of it, a large smile on her lips, as she looked at her mom put the dvd in.

I looked down at her and chuckled at her excitement before I noticed her shirt again. It was an old Ramones white shirt and it made my lips curl into a fond smile, this time. I didn't even look for it, I knew exactly where it was, and i didn't mind. It was not the only thing I forgot at her place and I didn't know if she kept the rest of my stuff but knowing this particular shirt survived through the years was endearing.

I remembered it was my go-to shirt during our lazy sundays, and even if i was always the one who'd put it on in the morning, she was always the one who ended wearing it during the afternoon. The first few times were coincidences, but after a while, I did it on purpose. I loved the way she looked in my clothes, but this shirt in particular meant lazy weekend sex and although it felt a bit weird to see it on a kid, it was also an incredible memory I cherished. And it suddenly hit me. That time we actually 'made' Chelsea was probably one of these mornings and seeing her wearing it now had an even deeper meaning.

"Have you ever listened to the Ramones?" I asked my daughter, grabbing the shirt between two fingers, near her shoulder, pinching it up slightly before letting it fall back.

She looked down at her shirt and then back up in my eyes, shaking her head slightly as she stared at me. For some reason, it made my heart twist and I sent her a smile.

"I didn't know what it meant." she admitted, tilting her head.

I chuckled low and licked my lips, bending down slightly.

"It's a good band." I explained.

She stared at me a bit longer and frowned.

"Are they on spotify?" she asked, making smile more. "Mommy and I, we have a playlist with our favorite songs."

"They are." I answered with a laugh.

The movie started and we both turned to the television. Chelsea let out a loud "Yes!" and I glanced at the dvd box on the coffee table. I felt my heart skip a beat when I read the title and licked my lips as a bunch of questions appeared in my mind. "Smallfoot" was clearly visible, even upside down, and when I finally looked up, my eyes met my ex girlfriend's. She sent me a shy smile before getting up and sitting on the other side of me. I didn't know why she didn't sit next to our daughter but I was too surprised by my daughter's movie choice to ask about it.

"It's Chelsea's favorite movie." she explained in a low tone. "Louis brought her to see it at the movies and when she came back, she begged for me to buy it."

I turned to her and noticed her lips curl immediately into a fond smile. I did the same and just nodded as I heard the movie play near us. Chelsea laughed and then talked with the characters, quoting them before laughing again.

"Did you tell her..."

"No." she cut me in a whisper. "I didn't tell her that her father wrote and sang a song in it. I just... I didn't know how."

I nodded slowly, not really surprised, but kept staring at her. She was close, almost too close, and I was suddenly aware of her arm and thigh pressed against mine. I cleared my throat and swallowed, trying to think about something else.

"For someone who doesn't like getting into other people’s business, it seems like Louis gets in ours a lot." I pointed out, making her laugh.

"Tell me about it." she agreed, raising her nose up in a grimace.

"Hush you two!"

We both jumped and turned to Chelsea who sent us an annoyed look, frowning at us. We waited until she turned back to the tv and looked back at each other, holding a laugh. I couldn't believe I was laughing with my ex girlfriend after so long and I enjoyed it more than I wanted to admit to myself.

"I'm gonna go wash the dishes, you can stay here with Chelsea." She murmured, getting up.

It only took me half a second to get up too and follow her to the kitchen. I glanced at Chelsea who was singing one of the songs in the movie and looked at the screen, smiling slightly. It was making me happy that my daughter enjoyed that movie, even if she didn't know her father had something to do with it.

I grabbed a towel and started drying the dished she finished washing. We remained silent, glancing at each other from time to time and trying to ignore it whenever our fingers would touch. It still felt electric, and I started thinking that if it was not from that big fat lie she managed to keep for five years, we could have a chance. This time, I wouldn't be so stubborn. This time, I would really give her all of me. The problem was that every time I thought about telling her how I felt, I remembered the fact that she robbed me from over four years with my own daughter, and that was something hard to forgive.

"So, that's what it would be like."

I turned to her, getting out of my own thoughts, and frowned. She sent me a sorry smile and tilted her head slightly as I put the towel on the counter, moving my body to face her without really realizing it. She did the same and leaned her hip against the counter, licking her lips. Her eyes met mine again and she sighed in a sad way, making my heart twist.

"That's what it would be like to be a family." she explained in a lower tone, as if she was ashamed. "You, me, and Chelsea."

I felt myself tear up at her words but swallowed my pain quickly, my eyes roaming quickly on her face. I hadn't thought about it but it was true, that's what our life would be like if we had gone through all of this together, as a family.

"Well right now we'd probably be with my family in Ireland, and we'd have a break at being parents because my mom would definitely take care of Chelsea and entertain her for as long as we'd be in her house." I added, smiling fondly at the thought. "And I'd lock the door of my old room and make love to you lazily on Christmas morning."

I watched her as her face changed and she held her breath, probably imagining it the same way I was. It was more of a memory from a few years back but somehow, I had the feeling it would be even better than it used to be. After a few seconds, she blinked a few times and took a step back as if she was trying to push away the thoughts, and me at the same time.

"Well, I guess we'll never know." she just said, turning her back to me and putting the clean dishes in the cabinets.

I watched her for about a minute but when she walked past me, I stopped her, putting myself in front of her and holding her arms gently. She didn't dare to look at me as I let my hands slide down until her hands before finally letting her go.

"I loved you, you know."

It was extremely hurtful to admit it out loud. I had spent years trying to convince myself I didn't have those type of feelings for her, and that losing her hadn't been the hardest shit I had to go through, but here I was now, admitting to her that what we had was more than a fling or some light infatuation. It was real, and she needed to know.

I was just not sure I was telling her for the good reason. Did I want her to know she broke me and that I would have done anything for her? Or did I just want to bring her into a guilt trip she may have deserved?

"I know I ruined it, Niall." she finally apologized in a whisper. "I know it's my fault. But I promise my intentions were good, at first. I didn't want you to give your dream up, and-and I thought you would resent Chelsea and I for holding you back. I-I thought you deserved to do what you like, and to become famous. I knew you were talented, I knew you were meant to succeed. I just... I didn't want us to be what would end it all."

No matter what my intentions were, I had managed to make her feel guilty, and for a reason I ignored, it made something stir in my stomach. Her words were genuine, and although the result was horrible, I knew she didn't mean wrong.

"It still hurt, you know." I pointed out, looking away. "When you wouldn't answer my phone calls and text messages I thought.. I thought it was the only way you found to let me know you didn't care about me, that you never really loved me."

I was bitter, I knew it, but I couldn't help thinking I had every right to be.

"I loved you." she quickly confessed, shutting her eyes tight. "I was... I was in love with you. And leaving you was torture. It was probably the most hurtful thing I had to do in my whole life."

There were so many things she didn't know, and I couldn't tell her. The words were stuck in my throat and I ended up trying to swallow them.

"I'm sorry we misunderstood each other so much that it ended up this way."

We remained silent for a few minutes and I finally sighed, closing my eyes for a while and finally opening them again.

"There's some sort of funfair, for Christmas." I explained, nibbling on my bottom lip. "There are games and shows and it ends with fireworks."

It seemed to take her an incredible amount of courage but she turned her head my way and her lips curled a bit.

"Yea, it's okay, you can bring Chelsea."

My heart was heavy when we looked at each other and I licked my lips, nodding.

"Thanks, but I thought we could all go. The three of us."

HER

I was sorry too, so fucking sorry that it all ended up like this. So fucking sorry that I cheated him of so many memories and time with his daughter. So fucking sorry that I made him think I didn't love or care about him. So fucking sorry that what I thought was the right choice turned out to be a fucking big mistake.

When he proposed we'd go all together, I felt guilty and almost refused, but the way he looked at me brought into me a sensation I hadn't felt in a really long time, one I didn't think i'd ever feel again.

I wanted to be close to him, I wanted to know if he could forgive me one day, and I was ready to do anything to get it.

For once, Chelsea and I were ready on time and when the doorbell ranf on the next afternoon, we both rushed to the door. I was glad my daughter hadn't asked any question about Niall, because I wouldn't have known what to answer. I didn't want to lie to her but at the same time, I wasn't ready to tell her who he really was, and I think he wasn't ready either. Besides, i felt like he deserved to be there when she would find out

The door swung open and Niall's eyes met mine before a surprised expression appeared on his face. He looked good, his hands in his pockets and a long scarf around his neck. He was wearing a beanie and I couldn't stop my heart from skipping a beat. He was dressed casually and It made me feel better for dressing up the same.

"Wow, you guys are ready?" he asked, an amused smile appearing on his lips. "If my memory serves me good, it's not in your DNA to be on time."

I raised my nose in a grimace but sent him a smile, knowing he was right and that I clearly couldn't defend myself. Chelsea rushed to Niall and wrapped her arms around his leg. The look on his face was priceless as he looked down at her, holding his breath in. I was endeared by his reaction and I took a step back to give them more space, even if it was useless.

It was not surprising from Chelsea to hug people, but I could see Niall hadn't expected it at all. When she pulled away, he quickly crouched to her level and sent her a genuine smile that she returned.

"So, Chelsea, are you ready?"

She nodded quickly, her eyes getting bigger with excitement.

"And, is your mommy ready too?"

With a glance at me, she quickly looked back at Niall and nodded again, jumping slightly, barely containing her enthusiasm.

The car ride was quite short and we ended up walking in the streets alongside other people trying to enjoy the fair. The first thing Chelsea asked for were fries but after eating a few, she handed the rest to me and begged for a ride on a carousel.

Niall and I leaned against the fence, both of our phones out, taking pictures every time she would pass in front of us. We hadn't really talked much, and with the discussion we had the day before, I was scared it would become awkward between us.

"Chelsea really likes you." I finally just said, waving back at our daughter again.

"She's incredible." he simply answered, not looking at me. "I know It may sound crazy, but I started loving her as soon as I found out she was my daughter."

I felt my lips curl, understanding the feeling a bit too much. Niall was going to be an amazing father, and I swallowed the guilt invading me once again.

"D'you think it's crazy?" he asked, turning to me, his arms crossed on the top of the metal fence.

His eyes seemed to shine and I shook my head slightly, sending him a smile. I moved a bit closer to him and tilted my head, my hair falling on both our arms.

"No, not at all." I admitted in a whisper.

I felt his fingertips brush gently on top of my hand and hold my breath, staring back at him. These moments seemed to happen so often between us that it was starting to drive me insane. Were we cursed to feel that way around each other forever without being able to get anything more? Was I going to lose him a second time? Once again, by my fault?

"I'm amazed that we actually created... her..."

He sighed and looked down, lost in his thoughts, but all I could focus on was the shivers that ran all over my back as his fingers still grazed on my skin. I wanted to answer, but I just didn't know what to say. He looked back up in my eyes and i licked my lips.

"It's a part of you, and a part of me, and now we will always be linked, you know?" he added, this time taking my hand in his and turning his body gently in my direction.

I nodded again, trying in vain to calm the beatings of my heart. He was close again, so fucking close I could feel his warm breath on my face, and I desperately wanted him to kiss me. I wanted to find out if he tasted the same way he used to, if our lips fit together as well as they used to.

He smiled at me and sighed, finally taking a step back, and watching him back away broke my heart. I tried not to show it but it hurt more than a slap in the face. I don't know what I was expecting anyway. Niall and I have been over for years, and although we had both admitted that what we had back then was real, it didn't mean the love we both felt for each other was still alive. The fact that I lied to him probably didn't help things, and I couldn't blame him for wanting to focus on Chelsea. But I was scared. I was scared to fall in love with him again, and realize that he didn't have these feelings for me anymore. I was scared to see him with an other girl, to suffer from having him so close without being able to really be with him. I was scared I could never find someone else like him, someone I would love as hard and as deeply as I loved him.

"Mommy! It was so cool!"

We both turned to watch our daughter step down from the carousel and run to us. She grabbed my hand with both of hers and shook it hard, making me laugh.

"I want to go again! Please!"

I laughed again but Niall quickly bent down to look in her eyes and answered before me.

"There are many more rides to try, do you want to try this one?"

He pointed behind her and we both looked at the ride with hot-air balloons of different colors that seemed to fly. Chelsea's eyes got bigger and she turned back to Niall, nodding quickly and making him laugh. She grabbed his hand and pulled him with her as I followed them, eating a cold fry.

When Chelsea was sitting in the ride, Niall stood next to me, one of his hands in his pocket as he dug his free one in the punnet i was still holding, grimacing when he noticed how cold the fries were.

"She's so happy to be here." I pointed out after throwing the rest of the foor in the nearest trash can.

"I'm happy too." he pointed out. "I'm happy we're all here together."

I sent him a fond smile. He didn't have to add me, but he did, and it meant more to me than I could explain. I tried to push away the fears threatening to invade my mind again. I had to take it day by day, or else I was going to drive myself crazy.

After winning a pink unicorn for Chelsea in a game, Niall brought us near the river. I held Chelsea's hand tight in mine, a bit scared to lose her in the mob of people surrounding us. I noticed she had gripped Niall's hand too and it made me smile. I felt like things would be easier now that i knew she liked him.

Niall crouched down again and immediately, Chelsea gave him all her attention.

"The fireworks are about to start." he pointed out. "Do you want to get on my shoulders?"

I saw her lips curl and she nodded slowly, waiting for his next move. He placed his hands under her arms and pulled her up easily, moving her so she straddles his neck. She held herself on his head and it made me laugh. His hand grabbed her legs and her head moved back to look at the sky. I felt like a simple witness of a new relationship growing right in front of me and i loved it, every seconds of it. I took my phone out of my pocket and took a picture of them together just as the fireworks started. My lips parted when I looked at the picture, barely believing I got to take a picture like that, especially with a phone. I sent it to Niall quickly and started a video to keep a memory of this moment.

I had no idea how i managed to stay so far away from Niall for so long, but having him around in the past two days had made me feel happy in a way I thought I never would again, and seeing him so kind, patient and sweet with Chelsea was an incredible bonus I hadn't expected. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't hide my pregnancy to him. It brought more bad than good. Unfortunately, it was impossible to start over, and I would never find out what would have happened between Niall and I. We could still save the relationship between Niall and Chelsea, and I intended to do anything I could do to make this work. Chelsea deserved a father like Niall, and Niall deserved to be in his daughter's life. I just hoped that somehow, somewhere, there was also a place for me.

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fic #niall horan writing #niall #niall fluff #niall fanfic #niall fan fic #niall fic #niall story #niall writing #my fanfics

[taylorteffyswift]

REDiversary In Review❗

Happy REDiversary

As you may know, 7 years ago, this magnificent creation came into existence…

I have to admit, when this era first started, I didn’t know what to think. With **WANEGBT **coming out which had a very different vibe from the Speak Now era, I wasn’t sure what to expect. This was the most mainstream pop thing I’d ever heard Taylor do. I wasn’t really against that sound, I just wasn’t used to Taylor’s music having so many “top 40 anthem” vibes even though Mine was very clearly a multi-format bop.

After **Begin Again **came out I felt a lot better about what was to come around the corner. This song gave me all of those warm and fuzzy feelings that Taylor has always been so good at bringing to the surface.

I was also in a very bad time in my life. Earlier that year in June, I went through a really bad breakup. The kind of breakup that hits you from your blind spot. The kind of breakup where you think things are going great and then you find out they were thinking of cheating on you and have been unhappy for the entire time and then the night before exam week, she ends it in a text with no remorse. It was extra impact because this was my first serious relationship and I honestly never pictured it ending… if you catch my drift.

Anyways, for months I was in a bad way with a short fuse and WANEGBT just ended up making me more depressed because it reminded me of how she was probably thinking about me right now just like Taylor was speaking in her words (this girl was also a Swiftie btw). That made me feel hopeless in many respects and is one of the other reasons why I was unsure about this era. But I always have faith in Taylor no matter what so I kept my mind alive and my ear to the wall anyway.

Then… Begin Again came out and I felt a glimmer of hope like the sun coming out after a hurricane. Suddenly I was excited about this era again and it did not let me down.

RED pulled me out of that hole that I feared might become my grave…

I remember putting it on, on release day on my headphones hiding away from my family, just me, Tay and some headphones.

She had me at the very first song. State of Grace feels like one of the most magical, ethereal and underappreciated songs from that record and I think it should have been a single. Every time I listen to State of Grace I have like an out of body experience and I can just close my eyes and she takes me back in time to a world in my life that was just happy and innocent. I truly love this song.

Next to that I loved the concept of** Red**. The whole synesthetic concept of assigning colors to different types of love and emotions is both a genius concept for a song and a genius concept for an album. I loved the intimacy of Treacherous and once again the concept is so relatable. As much as I didn’t like the pop vibes at first… **IKYWT **is totally a bop and I love it.

Then I came across All To Well. I just burst into tears for this entire song. It really felt like the closure I needed. Was it really closure? No I guess not. But just knowing that someone else knows what this feels like and also that someone else was able to describe what I felt – the most visceral emotion – and put it into words that just seemed so perfect to describe this horrible impact I felt… that was all the closure I needed.

22, again… such a bop and maybe even my favorite bop from Red as far as party songs go.** I Almost Do** is such a beautiful country ballad. The glam and delicateness of this song really just leaves me feeling so… comfortable. I have to admit even **WANEGBT **after a while kinda grew on me, it’s definitely an ear worm.

Stay Stay Stay is adorable as hell and always brings a smile to my face. The Last Time has a very emotional feel with some CRAZY Snow Patrol vibes (for obvious reasons). Side note, I love the collabs on this album the most I think of any collabs she’s done (other than maybe Babe). Holy Ground is SUCH A BANGER!! I like the energy in the live performance a bit more. I feel like Nathan missed the energy a bit in the production on this one but that’s just me being fussy. I still love the album version a lot tho.

Sad Beautiful Tragic always brings me to tears. It reminds me of how good love can feel but also that Love has hurt me more in my life than it has made me feel good. To this day it makes me remember relationships and love interests passed and I tend to reminisce a bit. Its like the best and worst home movie playing back in my mind at the same time. The Lucky One is everything. Again, lovely falsetto from her at the beginning and super tight pop prod here. This makes me think of my worst middle school days and loneliness. I don’t feel those things when I listen to this but it makes me think of those feelings and memories.

Everything Has Changed is the song that CHANGED EVERYTHING!!! TO DATE is my fav Ed Sheeran song lol. I do like a lot of stuff with Ed but something about how their stories intertwine in this song and how the sonic signatures of their vocals mesh so well I think is just magical. Starlight has some mad pop vibes, a very unique intro. Not a huge fan of the feel in verse one. I thought it was a bit weak going into it out of the intro but that’s more of a Dann and Nathan thing than a Tay thing. Once the song gets going it’s great but it’s just that awkward first verse kickoff. And then of course there is Begin Again which is also one of my favorite songs off the album and I think an AWESOME way to end the standard album.

Deluxe: The Moment I Knew is such an ANTHEM. It is both epic and bombastically “plane going down” vibes all at the same time. I love the use of Cello. I find it really augments the horrible feeling. I find I can actually picture her or myself in this situation feeling this way at an event and that is the real magic of this song. I feel like I’m actually there.** Come Back Be Here** is so real and raw. I saw this song live at the repTour and somehow… that was everything. GAH has again very lite pop vibes and I like the message of the song a lot. I love the two demos and how they really help to illustrate the songwriting and production process. I remember as an aspiring record producer I analyzed the hell out of those two demos and the album versions haha. **SOG **Acoustic left me feeling relaxed and… inspired (more on that later).

All in all, this album made me feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder. Like I was emerging from a car wreck without a scratch. I felt like I had been kicked down on the gravel road and Taylor reached out her hand to my skinned palms to pull me up. I will always cherish this album and the light that it brought me when I really needed it.

As always, thanks @taylorswift​ for always being there and for 7 glorious years painted RED… I hope some day I can have 7 years painted Golden

#taylor swift #red deserved a grammy #red deserves a grammy #red album #red era

[themockingcrows]

Whisper Just For Me Ch. 15: Reunion

This chapter is SFW! This chapter is also available mirrored on my AO3.

Just having someone back in your presence doesn't always mean they're really there, especially when that someone is a ghost. How much of Dave is with you, and how much of him was affected by your time apart? Is it really a reunion when only one person is aware of the reuniting?

    Your dreams were empty. You were holding out hope that Dave would visit you, would talk with you, would get rid of the lingering worry that clung to your mind like a sticky veil of spiderwebs. Instead you got repeats of different scenarios you've had in the past, strange distortions of shadow and light, a strange sequence of trying to buy a set of pants from a food stall only to find they didn't have your size, and your father trying to pass off one of his finest hats to you after it had been coated in peanut butter, blending the symbolic niceties of adulthood and achievement with a death threat. If you believed in omens it probably would have meant a lot. Good thing you don't believe in it without a gut feeling and the only feelings it gave you were confusion and a stomach ache.

    You woke with your hand instinctively curled around the pendant as if trying to keep it warm, despite the material being plenty warm in your hand already, a reminder of who dwelled within it. Good, he was making some reactions now aside from just a loose sensation of presence.

    “...Dave?” you said quietly, a sleepy murmur. “Dave, can you hear me in there?”

    Silence.

    “...Dave, I'm so sorry for what happened. If I was even remotely aware anything like that was going to happen I'd have done everything different somehow. I'm just glad we got there in time.”

    More silence, but the warmth in your hand didn't diminish. Dave was definitely still in there. Maybe he was sleeping in too.

    Your phone let out a few familiar tones to signal you had messages coming in, rapid fire texts that had you wondering just how many people were texting you at once till you could get at it and turn the screen on with a press of the button along the side. ...Huh. Okay, five texts in a row from a number you were sleepy enough to not recognize as Rose's for a moment.. No, six, your phone chimed again in your palm to try making you scroll down. Okay, maybe you wouldn't have recognized it was from Rose's number right away anyway, this was definitely not her normal way of texting.

    TT: hey when you get this cn u like txt me back asap

    TT: *can

    TT: its roxy rose said i should hit u up again to like

    TT: check in and shit about what happened

    TT: srry for treating u like u two were gonna rob me blind but 2 be fair u were acting creepy

    TT: is that ghost thing okay btw or is that not a gr8 thing to ask

    Another few chimes as you were trying to formulate how to even reply, which left you marveling at the speed with which she could text. Was he okay? He still wasn't talking or glowing or.. much of anything beyond keeping the pendant warm. He wouldn't do that if he was sick right? ...Wait, do ghosts even get sick? What was the right word for this. Exhaustion? Strained? It couldn't last forever, he'd be back to normal soon surely.

    TT: srry not ghost thing i guess i mean dave

    TT: rose filled me in a bit but it still dsnt make much sense

    TT: guess it makes more sense than me goin crzy tho

    TT: *crazy lol

    Yeah, no shit. Even this deep in everything there were times you worried you were just actually crazy and none of this unbelievable mess was real at all. Rubbing sleep from your eyes, you pushed yourself to sit upright in bed, put on your glasses, and started to slowly type out a reply with your pointer finger.

    EB: hey, yeah, i'm here. sorry, i just woke up.

    TT: o shit my bad lol

    EB: no, it's no problem. thanks for getting in contact though. and sorry for uh.

    EB: you know.

    EB: barging into your apartment and alerting you to the whole concept of ghosts i guess?

    TT: like i said dont worry abt it

    TT: im just glad everythins back to normal in here

    TT: I hadnt realized just how weird the place felt till now

    TT: muties finally able to chillax again

    EB: i'm still kind of amazed you believed us at all, but if you'd been feeling things for a while then i guess that would all just kind of line up, huh.

    TT: just another day in the bullshit mines

    TT: rose talks about stuff like this a lot but i kinda never rlly believed her

    TT: hindsight 2020 foot does not taste gr8

    You grinned at your phone and let the screen go dim once more before stuffing it into the pocket of some sweatpants you then wrangled on. Might as well not delay the inevitable and just get up. It took a few more tries than usual to get up, fatigue weighing heavy in your bones, but get up you eventually did to shuffle to the kitchen. A banana wound up in your other pocket, keeping your hands free for motoring around to thump down on the sofa. Jade perked up soon as you went down, shuffling her legs to get your weight off her feet and poking a head full of sleep wild hair out from underneath the throw.

    “...S'it morning..?”

    “Yeah. Or later, I didn't look at the time,” you admit, pulling your phone out of your pocket to peek as the banana was yanked out in a dual wielding motion. You bit the standing end of the banana and tipped it sideways till the peel cracked, making it easier to open one handed. Wisely, you waited till you had a bit mouth full of fruit to try talking more. “Closer to noon it look like. Oh, and Roxy wrote.”

    “How'd she get your number?” Jade asked. She crawled to the floor to get at her purse, rummaging around for a brush to start taming the mass down enough to apply some strategically placed hair ties.

    “Oh, no, she was writing from Rose's phone. I guess they met up today in one way or another? She said everything feels better at her place so.. I guess that at least shows Dave didn't dislodge somehow or anything.”

    “Has he.. y'know. Said anything?”

    You frowned and took another bite of banana, then another till it was gone, delaying as if the extra few seconds stalled would somehow give Dave enough incentive to interact again. No such luck.

    “No. Nothing.. Oh! But the pendant's warm! He's definitely in there, just..”

    Just what. Just tired? Just ghost broken? Did ghosts get sick? You sank down further in the sofa and let your leg slide further along the floor with a heavy sigh. This sucked. This really, really sucked.

    “...I wish I knew enough about what was happening to fix it.”

    “We could always ask Rose if you want. She seems to have good ideas on this stuff, maybe she'd understand what was happening,” said Jade, opening up a compact mirror to check and see if the low segmented pigtails were a good look that day. Verdict was a resounding yes from the way she snapped it shut with a happy grin and dropped the supplies back into the bag. “Or we can just wait and see what he does next on his own.”

    “You make me sound like a helicopter parent when you put things like that, Jade.”

    “Helicopter boyfriend.”

    “Helicopter whatever! Same thing!”

    “I mean-”

    “You know that's not what I meant,” you frowned. “I just want to do what's best by him. I'm kind of responsible for him now, and I already fucked that up in a big way. Getting him back's like a second chance, but I can't do the second chance right from the very beginning if something's wrong.”

    “Then call Rose,” shrugged Jade as she got up from the floor and sauntered off to pilfer breakfast from your fridge.

    “Yeah but what if that just makes it worse somehow, what if we're supposed to wait for something to happen!”

    “John either call her, let me call her, or shut up and relax! Holy shit, it's not the world ending, it's either getting more potential information from a verified source of accurate information, or making our own estimations based on study and other information sources. It's as if you've never heard of a reasonable hypothesis before,” she grumbled, then disappeared around the corner.

    You frowned the way she went.

    “You could've at least taken my banana peel with you!”

    “Fuck your banana peel, you've got a leg and two arms that aren't broken!”

    You immediately stuck your tongue out in her direction, already knowing she couldn't see it, but hoping she could feel your rankle even through the wall. Heaving another sigh, reveling in the dramatic for a moment, you turn your attention to your phone once more. It hadn't pinged again to signal an incoming flurry from Roxy, so you assumed it'd be safe to call Rose now. Jade was right. She'd probably know what to do.

    The phone rang several times before you heard the familiar voice on the other line and smiled.

    “Hello?”

    “Rose?”

    “Obviously.”

    “Yeah. So. ..Uh.” Come on, spit it out, what if this was time sensitive or something? “Dave's home now... I think. But he's not talking or anything. No dream visits, no lights, no interacting with anything. The most he's done is warm the pendant up,” you start to explain. “I'm worried he's. I don't know. Sick? Exhausted? What happens now, how can I help fix him? I finally got him home but I can't even talk to him.”

    Everything had started as a trickle before finishing in a rush of stress balled up into English and launched out of your mouth like cannon fire. You held your breath, listening closely for a response.

    “Well.”

    ….Well that wasn't what you were hoping for. It takes effort to remain quiet and wait instead of pointing that out and being sarcastic. Stress sarcasm didn't tend to do the best things.

    “I think he likely just needs rest. Roxy already caught me up to everything that happened prior to and just after him leaving. It's possible he just expended way too much energy while apart from you and needs to rest now. Perhaps even sap energy from his surroundings.”

    You frowned and furrowed your brow in thought. It had felt harder to get out of bed today, but was that Dave already sapping from you, or was it just the reality of getting around on crutches for too long at a stretch?

    “Is there anything I can do to help though? I mean. I guess if he's going to be doing that draining thing while this tired, is there anything I can do to make it easier for him to do it?”

    You heard Rose sigh and the creak of whatever seat she was in.

    “Hm. Well, not exactly anything you can DO. Not strictly speaking at least. You can make yourself more open to him, perhaps. Leave yourself like an open door, let him get at you easier. Keep him in range obviously. Make sure you eat and sleep often enough, perhaps rest up and take things a little easier. Be the reserve battery.”

    You wet your lips and nodded, though obviously Rose couldn't see you. You hoped she'd get the feeling you nodded anyway.

    “Is there any way I'll be able to tell when he's back to normal?”

    “When he's back to scattering papers and bothering you, most likely,” Rose said, the soft sound of a chuckle flavoring her words. “But I think he'll make himself known when he's able to. The way you've talked about him makes it seem like he's probably just as excited to talk to you as you are to talk to him.”

    It was a comforting though. Another few nods you hoped Rose was able to detect happened as you tried to collect the rest of your thoughts.

    “When should I try telling him about the things Jade and I learned? About.. y'know, about his everything. His history and stuff.”

    Rose was quiet for a moment. You could almost picture her biting her lip, pale teeth on black lipstick that somehow never seemed to smudge or get spotty.

    “I'd recommend keeping your mouth shut about much of that until he's for certain stronger. It's hard to gauge his specific reaction, but the last thing you'd want to have happen is for the information to make him decide to go and then be unable to leave due to not having enough power.”

    “So.. I just need to be a good battery and wait for him, and then get to the nitty gritty when he's all recovered and back to obnoxiously normal.”

    “That's the gist of it, yes. Keep him close and in contact. Think of it as spoon feeding someone overtaken by illness while they recover.”

    “I'm already recovering, I think I can handle a bit more of the resting. Hah, might make Jade happy to finally get off my feet and just take it easy for a while longer.”

    She chuckled. “No doubt. I'd be interested to hear about your progress as things continue, actually. Will you be tracking things as you were before? That data is extremely useful to have on hand, it gives good insight on whether things that feel like they should work are actually beneficial. Who knows who might else wind up in a similar situation someday with a spirit and need to tend it before it can properly move on?”

    “You make it sound like opening a ghost infirmary or rehabilitation place is an option, Rose.”

    Another soft sound from the other end of the phone and far too long of a pause spanned silence till you laughed, awkward. “Rose. I was kidding.”

    “Yes. Kidding. Still an intriguing idea. I wonder if spiritual rehabilitation could work in the case of negative spirits as we-”

    “Rose, I'm gonna have to let you go for now,” you interrupted. “I'm sorry. I'll call back later on with updates, okay?”

    “Have Jade call me later, if you could?”

    “About Dave?”

    “No, to make dinner plans. I think her phone may be drained, it just goes straight to voice mail.”

    That wasn't like her. Maybe she turned it off instead of it dying. Either way, you nod and make a sound of confirmation just in case Rose wasn't psychic enough to understand just how earnestly you'd been nodding this entire time you'd been conversing.

    “Sure thing. Thanks again, Rose. And uh.. Rose?”

    “Yes?”

    “...Could you tell Roxy to send me a bill for what all she'd need to get her laptop running again? I feel like it'd probably be better if I paid or helped pay for a good chunk of that. Even if it was an accident, just. ..Yeah.”

    It was kind of the least you could do, considering someone innocent got caught in some pretty serious crossfire. Things could have easily given way to a fire, taken out the entire apartment building or gotten others killed.

    “I'm sure she'll appreciate it. Between that and her phone, I think her run of bad luck took a bit more out of her than she'd be willing to admit. I'll just pass her your email address and she'll forward something.” A soft chuckle. “If she doesn't, then I'll figure it out and send the information your way instead.”

    “Perfect. Thank you again, Rose.”

    You hung up as Jade was coming back in with a bowl of cereal loaded to the brim, sipping milk from the edge where it precariously sat just waiting to spill all over the floor. She cast a green eyed glance your way to be sure she wouldn't squash anything before sitting down beside you on the sofa to crunch away. Apparently the back and forth sassing hadn't left any lingering bad tastes in her mouth towards you, at least judging by how close and comfortable she sat.

    There was no mystery involved if Jade Harley was angry with you. You were very, very well aware.

    “Rose said to treat myself like a good little battery and just wait on him to make the most of it. Give her updates.. and she wants you to call for dinner plans? Your phone's apparently off.”

    Jade swallowed sideways and nearly choked on her cereal.

    “What? Fuck. I forgot I did that. Right, don't worry about it, I'll call her soon as I finish this. ...But that's it, huh?”

    “Apparently so. Take it easy, eat and sleep plenty, keep him close. I wonder if talking to him helps even if he can't respond yet. Would he be able to hear?”

    “If he's awake he'll hear. Maybe he's just not strong enough to respond and he's actually wide awake worrying? Talking is a good idea.”

    “Great, more excuses to talk to myself in public, exactly what I want.”

    “Truly, you lead a charmed life,” she said with a grandiose gesture of her spoon before popping more cereal into her face. The mood seemed reset now that your obligations were complete. You had solved the mystery of how Dave died, of his origins. You'd gotten Dave back, though you weren't quite able to celebrate freely yet. You were going to repair damage done and set some debts right before they could become an issue. You had ideas on how to help fix things in a lot of ways.

    All you needed was patience.

    ...Fuck does patience suck sometimes.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    You'd spent nearly two weeks being the best battery you were able to be. You ate plenty of decent food, took naps whenever you could, and otherwise gave yourself as much physical rest as you were able to on the sofa when not busy. The entire time you were also murmuring to yourself, talking softly towards the pendant you couldn't help but keep touching, narrating your life and your thoughts to a sleeping spirit that you were guarding. The stone remained comfortingly warm as a hand you could hold in your time alone, and a few times you swore you could feel a soft pulse of a presence coming from it. There had been no speaking however. No dreams being visited.

    The paranoid part of your brain was worried enough that it started to offer up all kinds of awful scenarios that were possibly coming true, despite having clear evidence to the contrary that anything was going wrong. Dave was quiet, but he was there. You knew he was there. ...You just wished he'd react more than a pulse or warmth.

    Dave granted your wish one night. While you worked on your laptop in bed, fucking around on a forum in one window, talking with friends in another, and doing a little research into some new devices for spirit communication that were making the rounds in the online sources, you failed to notice the slender trail of red light leaving the pendant. You also failed to notice the red ball form, only realizing something was up when the corner of your eye caught the red haze starting to take a different shape.

    “Wh-. Dave?!”

    Fumbling with your laptop, you sat bolt upright in bed and glanced down to the pendant before back towards the apparition that was struggling to form something specific. Humanoid was a good start, but it seemed like he was struggling a bit to settle on a specific shape for very long, unable to make up his mind.

    “It's okay, you can stay an orb if you want! There's no rush!” you hurry to say, though he doesn't appear to acknowledge you. The red light strains and struggles, forming Dave's face before flickering and distorting grotesquely enough that you're taken aback. He keeps coming back to his own face, but between flashes of it are things you don't recognize. Monstrous half formed things, faces that belong to people you've never met, and even several times faces you recognized. You could have sworn you saw Jade in there a few times, and Roxy. You saw your own face once or twice before it ripped itself apart to bone and reformed as malleable as clay in the vapor.

    “...Dave?” you whisper. It's the face of Dave's brother that glances at you sharp as broken glass, mouth set in a thin line as his outer edges twitched and spasmed, only to once more break apart at the seams. He looked like he was melting, and it took effort not to panic. Something was definitely wrong, it was obvious to see, but WHAT was wrong. What specifically was wrong? What could even be done about it? You wet your lips and tried to think clearly as you could.

    Be open. Be a good battery. Dave had gone through a lot of strain before coming home, maybe this reforming problem was linked to that? It had to take a lot of power to form a specific shape as opposed to just forming out of habit. You were trying to think of any reasonable explanation you could, despite the taste of bile rising in the back of your throat.

    “Dave,” you try again, keeping his attention this time. Maybe just act like business as usual? “I missed you so much. I'm sorry this happened, but.. you're here now! You're home! And I'm recovering, and everything can go back to normal now.”

    A frown lit on Dave's ever changing face, but he seemed to be starting to decide on the features you were by now familiar with. His eyes were the things that stayed in place the most, barely there hints of lashes pale on a fairly normal shaped face. At least it wasn't splitting apart at the seams anymore.. His mouth still looked too big, too sharp, too inhuman, but it was progress. You gestured with your arms wide as if expecting a hug at any time to come your way, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, you'd get it to happen if you wished enough.

    “I know things haven't been easy. And.. I understand if you're mad. Or scared. Or-”

    Something was wrong. Words died on your lips as, finally, Dave's features went into the right order and appeared to hold steady yet the look in his eyes didn't change in the slightest. He looked at you as if looking through you, taking in the room as a whole as if he'd never seen it before in his life. If he was strong enough to form, why wasn't he talking to you at all? Or reaching for you?

    “...Dave,” you try again, moving so your legs were over the edge of your mattress and one hand was reaching for your crutches. “Dave. Say something. Anything. Or.. uh. Knock something over. I'm listening close as I can for you, I promise, but I'm not hearing anything. Am I just not trying hard enough or are you just not talking for some reason?”

    The spirit was glancing at his hands now, wispy trails of paleness caught in reddish mist that faded in and out of view between fully formed mass and smoke. Even with a fully open link, it still took a lot of energy to do that. You weren't surprised to hear the fan of your laptop suddenly kick into high gear behind you, cooling the inner workings down as it drew more power than usual from the wall. He didn't seem interested in talking, or in doing much at all. Compared to the spirit you were used to, how Dave was acting now just gave you the creeps. He hovered gently off the ground, face grim and expressionless as a doomed man, resolute and lost. A thousand yard stare at nothing at all.

    This was Dave, but it was the least Dave-like Dave you thought you'd ever seen. And considering how much you'd learned about him so recently and all the time you'd spent together so far, you considered yourself a pretty damn good gauge of Dave-ness. An unaccounted for lack of Dave-ness with no guidance on what had caused it. Could you soft reset ghosts? Turn it off and on again till the appearance stuck right.

    No, wait, that was a stupid idea. Focus, John. You shook your head hard to clear the thought from your head to focus on the other thoughts instead, the ones that felt instinctively like they might help. After all, you'd shared a body before, two minds in one form. You'd had his voice in your head, in your ear, in your heart. Maybe he just needed that..? Needed a touch, a push, a rekindling to remember properly after the traumatic time apart like someone might take their shoes off and flop on a sofa to make a place feel like home again after a return from a too long vacation. You picked up a single crutch and forced yourself upright to your feet, leaning your weight to keep balanced before taking a lumbering step forward, one hand out beseechingly.

    “Dave. Come here for a second.”

    He stared at you, through you again, then went back to looking at his hands as if they were foreign objects. Maybe they were. The thought chilled your blood, but you lumbered forward another careful step, nearly touching him. It would be okay. It'd be fine. You could do this.

    Dave flinched when your hand went through him as if he'd not realized just how close you were. ...Wait, had he felt that? The contact had been chilly, vaguely electric, but welcome. Familiar. Just needed to keep contact up for it to be warm, right?

    “Come on.. Here. Remember when we were at the aquarium?” you asked, pausing to grin at him. “Would yoooou... want to try that again? No cars this time. It was kind of fun in hindsight. Scary but interesting to back seat in my own body?”

    Were you offering casual possession to an Not-Very-Dave-Like Dave? Yes. Yes you were. It felt important, the closest thing to a hug you could manage when all you craved was contact with someone who couldn't do the literal contact thing very well. Dave stared vacantly, but didn't seem like he was going to dart away anywhere, or at least attempt to given the limitations of the place he was still tethered to. A thought of taming timid woodland creatures crossed your mind as you held your hand out in offer, patient, quiet, smiling.

    “Come on. Come closer. I've really missed you, I can see you, you can see me. I can't hear you and I'm dying for a chat.”

    More staring. ...Okay, you weren't a very patient man in hindsight, but the attempt was still happening.

    “Dave. Come here,” you said again.

    More staring.

    Well. Now or never. Acting quickly, you moved your crutch forward and lunged for the spirit in his red haze as if you were trying to bear hug him, forcing yourself to think as openly as you could. Welcoming as an open door, trying to recreate anything you could from the aquarium as you went right through him and lurched uncoordinatedly straight into your dresser drawers. Another hard wobble as you rebounded too hard in a panic of over-correcting and started to go backwards, passing through Dave a second time directly before starting to head for the floor.

    Though you hadn't been able to see it, the first pass through Dave's body had had a definite effect, a small spark of reaction, memory, something familiar. He'd watched your graceless fumble as well as your rebound without really reacting much beyond observation, too busy trying to organize his own slowly waking thoughts to go further.

    ...Was he home? Where was this? He'd been somewhere else, right? This felt different, it looked different, there was no pink everywhere, no cat.. It felt familiar. Looked familiar. So did the person falling.

    Falling?

    Fuck, falling.

    You were wide eyed and nearly to the floor when the hand extended your direction, and without a second thought you reached up to grab it. Foolish really, trying to grab the hand of a ghost. There was nothing there to really grab, nothing to hold on to or to use to stop the inevitable crash to the ground, but what could you say? When falling the urge to grab a hand was instinctive. Your hand felt like it was numb with cold before it suddenly surged hot, heat racing up your arm and down your spine, making your head swim. You were aware you were changing position and of the world changing place around you, but kept bracing for the impact on the back of your head.

    It never came.

    You felt pressure on your elbows, forearms, and good knee instead. The brunt of the impact was taken in your healthy limbs, injured leg awkwardly elevated and hovering an inch or two above the ground before slowly lowering down.

    ...Wow. That was pretty cool! You'd never even thought of turning like that, it was kind of like a stunt man's moves or something out of a movie. Most importantly, however, you hadn't bashed the back of your head in like a total idiot who'd tried to hug a ghost! Just needed to get up then.

    …

    Just. Needed to get up.

    …

    Preferably with the moving and the getting up actions actually happening instead of just waiting. You tried again, but failed to move out of the weight bearing stance that had successfully broken your fall. Nothing felt heavy or really out of place. More like it felt like your joints were a glimpse of what life was like as the Tin Man after being left out in the rain too long, immobilized. You could feel your glasses starting to slide off your nose towards the ground but couldn't catch and readjust them. They slowly slipped bit by bit off your face before thumping to the ground, leaving your vision blurry and soft.

    ...John?

    “Dave?”

    Well, at least talking was happening. You were grateful your mouth could move, but the talking wasn't very soothing in the face of suddenly being an immobilized statue on the floor.

    “Dave, did. ..Wait, Dave, you're talking now! Where are you at, I can hear you really clearly now!” you realized, voice raising in pitch a bit as the excitement built. Shit, it'd been way too long since you last heard his voice, you hadn't really realized how great it would be to hear him again.

    JOHN

    “Yes, I can hear you! Dave, come down where I can see you, I can't move, I can't see shit at all.”

    ...Wait.

    “...Dave are you why I can't move. Where are you at. I can't see shit,” you repeated, “let me see where you are.”

    John John John John John John John

    “Dave, I'm happy to hear you too but like. Seriously, did you do this?” Had to be. In hindsight there was no way you'd be able to do a cool mid-movement flip like that to avoid damaging yourself in a fall. You were not nearly that coordinated. You felt warmth blossom in your chest and down your spine again, down either leg. You could wiggle your toes for a moment before the statue effect was in place once more.

    JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN JOHN HOME JOHN HOME SAFE JOHN HOME

    “Dave. Dave. Let me stand up! I'm gonna get a cramp! Do whatever you were doing a second ago, I could kinda move for a moment there! You can talk and yell at me all you want but just. Can we go to the bed again? I don't want my leg to hurt.”

    The excited thrumming focused in your chest like a steady bouncing, or like one of those wacky weasel toys that wiggled the ferret on the motorized ball in random directions. You could still hear his voice as if it were getting further and further away before realizing the warmth was focusing centrally before trying to expand outward to each limb at the same time. This was very different from the experience at the aquarium but.. it wasn't bad by any stretch of the imagination. It was kind of comforting actually, especially once you started to realize where things were and could hone in on where Dave was. It had forced you to stop acting automatically and to instead focus inwards at an acute angle that got rid of the borders around your body and the world around you.

    Once again, your body housed two hearts for even a brief moment and you couldn't quite explain just how complete it actually made you feel compared to normal. Not too full but comfortable. Safer. ...Were you missing something, to feel this way? Or was it just a sign of you having a better capacity to work with others?

    Or was it just Dave?

    The warmth ran all the way to your fingertips, coursing through your veins and muscles till you could feel your arms wobble and then go limp. You face planted solidly against your glasses, mashing your nose into the frames hard enough that for a second you were scared you'd break them, pushing back up onto your hands with a sharp gasp. Okay. There was the movement again, but the warmth wasn't dissipating. You could still feel it in your chest, bouncing from side to side and up and down, spinning in circles as your own name was chanted in your ears excitedly.

    JOHN John John JOHN home safe homehomehomesafejohn JOHN SAFE HOME JOHN JOHN JOHNJOHNJOHN!

    You pushed upright to sit flat on your ass and picked up your glasses, taking a moment to rub them clean with the bottom edge of your shirt before putting them back into place. The room returned to crisp, clear outlines and familiar shapes. The pendant was all but burning at your neck, and you realized your lips were curled into a smile that was broad enough it made your cheeks hurt. You were.. happy. Absolutely happy. Whatever had happened between you and Dave, it had fixed the problem before it truly could get started and restored the world to its rightful state of reunion. This was what you'd missed last night when your worry hung in your mind as tangible as spoiled milk.

    “I missed you, Dave,” you whispered, and hugged yourself as tightly as you could. The warmth stopped bouncing around to hold perfectly still for a moment before surging into both of your arms. You realized you couldn't move them again, both hands locked firmly to your upper arms before they began to make rubbing motions, not quite numb but not quite usable. You may have hugged yourself, but you didn't exactly expect 'yourself' to hug you back.

    “Could you feel that too, Dave? Is that why you're doing this?”

    This was unexplored territory, and held plenty of implications you were sure, but in the moment you didn't give a fuck. That fulfilled sensation, the warmth, the foreign feeling of your own hands on your arms that steadily trailed up towards your throat and then your own face as if they were the hands of another? All of it was new and all of it was just memories for the making and taking. You were getting to hug Dave in a flesh and blood way, even if it were only for the moment, and nothing could ever take that away from you. Nobody could claim it was impossible.

    ... John..

    Were you. ..Were you crying? You weren't crying, were you? You were. You could feel hot trails on your face that cooled quickly, and the warmth in your chest was soon joined by a clenching that released in a huffed sob. It was relief, you told yourself. The full relief of everything being okay and returning to normal, of nothing being wrong finally, of questions being answered and of that all but overwhelming sensation of not being alone anymore in your own skin.

    Your right hand lifted to rub your nose as you snorted in an ungainly way to clear your nose. Your left hand, outside of your control, carefully rubbed some of the water from your eyes with its fingertips.

    ...Don't cry...

    “Don't tell me what to do,” you snuffed. “I'll cry if I feel like it, do you have any idea how scared I was that you were gone forever? And then I get you back and you-! And. And you acted like you weren't really there even when you were in front of me and now everything's just. Everything's okay! Everything's okay now!”

    ...Still crying...

    “Shut up and let me have this,” you mumbled. Though the one hand stayed near your face, the arm you were able to move went to hug tight around your rib cage again, trying to hold everything together in case it somehow fell apart or flew away to the breeze. “Let me have this.. Let me have you,” you murmured.

    The tension in your chest lifted and the warmth returned to your limbs, trying to spread to all four at once before it ricocheted around your rib cage again and went straight to your head. You didn't mind the dizziness or the slight ring in your ears, so long as you got to hug it out just a little bit longer.

    “Stay with me like this. Even just a while longer, Dave. ..Please.”

    The warmth stayed, solid and still as stone. You had a feeling it wouldn't be going anywhere any time soon and were grateful. You'd tell the good news to everyone else soon enough. For the time being, though, this happiness was all yours.

#homestuck #johndave #john egbert #dave strider #my fic