#this poem is for trans people more than it ever was for you

[pencil-to-paper]

What is it like?

To be young and complete

Your internal & external existences at peace with each other

You can walk around freely, knowing others see you as you are

No need for convincing or explaining

When all the proof they need stands in front of them

I molded my idea of perfection around you,

Used your life as a template for mine

Compared months to chapters, never really keeping up

You have your struggles of course,

You’re only human, and something needs to keep the story interesting

But they’re cushioned by fictionality and school night sleepovers, the knowledge of kisses

I said goodbye on page 368, forced myself back to reality

Not much stands out here, few moments worthy of a movie

So I guess I have to go back to page 1

#generally about growing up with ya books and wanting that kind of teenage experience only to not have it at all #more specifically about felix ever after by kacen callender and seeing trans people who are younger but further transitioned than you #original content #original poem #poetry #poets on tumblr #writing #writers on tumblr #writeblr #creative writing

[mortalityplays]

Unprintable: Artists Against Authority

I am absolutely beside myself with excitement to announce the launch of Unprintable.

Unprintable is an online free shop, where original artwork and arts resources are released into the public domain.

Everything listed here is free to use, copy and remix any way you like. You can print off hi-res artwork to decorate your apartment, or to use in your own projects. You can use the writing in your own zines, anthologies or performances. You can put it on a t-shirt. You can read it on the radio. You can paint it on a truck. It's up to you, entirely and forever.

The collection will be updated continuously, on an unfixed schedule, with contributions from a wide range of named and anonymous artists and activists. You can read the FAQ for a full rundown of what Unprintable is and why it exists, but these are the really important parts:

Can I download/print/use the work listed here? Yes. Can I use it for [X]? You can do whatever you want with it forever. But what if I want to [Y]? You can do whatever you want with it forever. Why do this? A few reasons: 1. We want a space to just share things, no strings attached. We recognise that copyright is an irrational system that was designed to protect the profit interests of publishing middlemen and IP hoarders. In fact, copyright is often weaponised against the creators it pretends to protect. As long as it exists, we are unlikely to win any other form of protection for our work, and we are profoundly limited from engaging in the kind of communal artistic and storytelling practices that were the norm around the world for thousands of years. 2. Radical art is often unprintable. Profit motives make people cautious. A lot of print-on-demand or local print shop services will refuse artwork with controversial, sensitive or political content. This is very frustrating when these themes are the focus of so much of our work (and indeed our lives). Rather than waste any more breath trying to explain why a trans artist might want to print the word ‘faggot’, we can give our work away for free. Got a printer? It’s yours. 3. It feels good. Sharing is joyful. It’s the reason we love making things in the first place. We don’t write poems because we look forward to filleting them for consumption, or layer colours so that we can sell a canvas by the ounce. We have only ever wanted to be able to support ourselves so that we can make, but that relationship is deeply dysfunctional under capitalism. We made these things, and we want you to have them. It doesn’t need to be complicated.

I'll write up some more posts introducing the launch collection soon. In the meantime...be free, enjoy, explore, have fun!

https://free.mortalityplays.com

#free art #anti copyright #public domain

[neil-gaiman]

hi dad,

ok i know ur not -really- my dad lmao just let me cope. i lost mine, so you're stuck with that title now. anyway. i just felt like telling you how great things seem to be going for me rn (fuck i hope i don't curse it). i've been a fan for a long ass time, but i got into the GO fandom only last year, and in just a few months i feel like i've gotten so much better, both mental health wise and creatively. i'm a neat little bundle of depression, anxiety, autiADHD, BPD, and cPTSD. isn't that lovely haha. but hey, i'm also a writer. a poet. an artist. and a helluva burned out musician. BUT. ever since i've been hanging out here, i've been writing SO much more, i've been doing fanfics, and so many cool poems, and improving my writing skills so much. i started drawing again after like 2 years of not touching a goddamn pencil, and i just bought some paint and a canvas bc i wanna get back into painting again like i used to when i was younger. and also through reading other GO fics, i've felt inspired to play piano again, which was a great deal to me a few years back. and it's awesome to feel that spark again.

Good Omens has meant a lot to me since i first read it around 2015. but now more than ever because there's a whole community i can share stuff about it with and it feels great. i recently lost a close group of friends, one of my best friends to suicide, and well. my irl dad. and i've been feeling hella lonely for a long time. but i feel like i've been gaining that sense of community again through good omens. and i can't tell you enough how much it means to me. so, idk. i guess i wanted to say thanks for that. and also for being so supportive of trans/queer people. it means the world to me. so. thanks dad. ily

I'm just glad I'm helping.

[vaspider]

Pete Buttigieg is not the fucking point.

Truly amazed at the people whose big takeaway from that thread is "you hate Pete Buttigieg" like buddy did you not... read... all of it?

I genuinely don't give a shit about Pete himself. If you think this is about Democratic self-devouring or whatever the fuck, please mentally substitute Ellen or George Takei or Rachel Maddow or your favorite Other Respectable Gay. I hear some dude named Rubin is even a conservative who is getting turned on for adopting a baby? I don't know who he is and I don't care (do not tell me, I do not care) but if it makes you feel better, substitute any of those names.

I think the ones that actually make me sad are the people who keep insisting that 70% of people support gay marriage, and that I'm just 'acting out my trauma', and we won't see things turn against us, we're perfectly safe now, how dare I say that cishets won't put themselves out for us when it counts, it's different now.

Honey, 99% of people want tomorrow to go on pretty much like today, and what they'll support when it doesn't cost them anything has nothing to do with what they'll support when it does. Those of us telling you 'we were abandoned before, and we were the ones who took care of us then' aren't telling you because we're incorrigibly bitter misanthropes. I am annoyingly hopeful, actually, and in love with humanity and the beauty of life. Seriously, I have to write poems about it because I love the universe and all of humanity so fucking much. One of the things I love about humanity is its fragility and its uncertainty. I love the ways in which we fail.

And humans, over and over again, turn our eyes away from tragedy.

If you are lucky enough to have cishet friends and family who will put themselves out for you when it really matters, that is fucking fantastic. That's not nearly universal, and I'm afraid that you're going to find out sooner rather than later that it's far less universal for you than you'd like to believe.

At the end of the day, you can believe me or not about all of this. You can say that I'm just a bitter old transfag, an angry old dyke, a traumatized old queer if it lets you sleep better at night, if it allows you to just close your eyes and say 'this is all going to be fine, because 70% of people support marriage equality!' and get some rest. I can't make you pay attention.

And the thing is? I'd love to be wrong. I would absolutely love for every cishet who has ever said "one of them" or said "well, I mean, I just don't want to see it, they can do whatever they want in private" or whatever to turn out to be the raddest fucking ally the world has ever seen. I know it can happen! My in-laws went from being Baptist homophobes to getting weekly chatty update phone calls from the two trans women refugees from Latin America who they housed and helped get their papers sorted and who are now living in New York and call them Mom and Dad. Like, truly, it can fucking happen!

But you can't count on that from the vast majority of people, because when it comes down to it, most people want tomorrow to go on pretty much like today. You're much more likely to be able to count on someone with a dog in the hunt.

More than that, though, the point of that essay -- which, when people miss it, they miss it so hard that it feels deliberate, honestly -- is that all of our bullshit infighting doesn't mean dick. I've been saying that for years, begging people to think inclusively about our community, begging people to stop all the bullshit infighting because I could see this shit fucking coming, you didn't need to be Cassandra to see it coming but sometimes I felt like I was screaming until my throat was horse, the fucking tsunami is coming, it's coming, motherfuckers, can't you see the way the water is pulling back?

And here we are, and all the arguing about whether bi lesbians are "valid" doesn't matter, and everyone's attempt to gatekeep butch and femme doesn't matter, and everyone's arguments about whether neopronouns are bad doesn't fucking matter because we are all just fags, dykes and trannies to them, they do not care for one fucking second about any of this. None of them care for one second about our infighting. No one is going to stop and ask you what your orientation is so they can call you the right slur when they're gaybashing you, kids. They. Don't. Care.

So now here we are, and people are acting like the point of the essay is that I wanted to call one particular dude a fag, rather than that it doesn't matter how perfectly primed you are to fit into Respectable WASP Society, it is your queerness which is objectionable. It is your gayness. It is your transness. It is your bisexuality, your asexuality, your lesbianism. You will never be granted rights and respectability. You have to defend your rights, and stop giving a shit about respectability as a metric of whether or not someone deserves them.

I mean, for fuck's sake, some Iowa voters tried to withdraw their caucus support once they realized that Pete was gay. It literally fucking happened. There's video. Someone they supported above all the other candidates in the Iowa primary was immediately disqualified for them to the point where they tried to retract their support the minute they found out he was gay.

That's the fucking point. I don't care who you use as your Proxy Respectable Gay.

Pete Buttigieg is not the fucking point.

[walrus150915]

Goldenheart headcanons for when they have only started dating and were awkward as hell

(because I am a trans bi teenager who wants to experience mlm love yet can't because I'm afraid to date boys due to my dysphoria)

I noticed you people like when I make long posts like these and I love them too so I think I can share some hcs of mine about this stage of their relationship bc I have a lot honestly :]

- they started dating when they were around 16yo

- none of them actually had feelings for each other before puberty hit and they were like "damn my bestie is kinda fine- WHAT"

- Bal fell first. Ambrosius fell and broke the floor under him bc boyyyy did he fall HARD

- Bal navigated his feelings like "Ugh okay I guess that's what happens when you're friends with a handsome guy everyone has a crush on. That'll pass. That's part of puberty. Stay calm" meanwhile Ambrosius screamed in his pillow and freaked out and cried only to pretend nothing bothered him. It was hard to pretend when you literally study at the same academia/school/whatever and see each other every day bc you're best friends

- during the mutual pining era the PE lessons were DIFFICULT. Especially when they were put up against each other

- they look like friends who had no problem hugging/brushing each other's hair/being close physically in general yet when the feelings appeared, the things which used to be very easy turned torturous

- Ballister was the one to ask if Ambrosius saw that their friendship changed. Ambrosius couldn't hold it in anymore and mumbled through his confession so fast and awkward Ballister has only understood phrases like "I really like you" and "romantically I mean" and "you're very cool and that'd be sick if we became boyfriends"

- Bal turned his face to the side and muttered something like "yeah I think it would"

- and so they became boyfriends!!

- has something changed in the way they behaved around each other? Yeah but also not really. They were still besties and the physical contact became A LITTLE easier now that the sorta relationship they had was clear between them, but they just couldn't help but blush while touching each other

- their first kiss was a mess dude😭😭

- Ambrosius wanted it to go as smoothly as possible so he watched romantic movies and practiced kissing with his hand (embarrassing? Yeah I now) but when it was time to finally show off his skills he panicked and pressed his lips to Ballister's for a few seconds then his nose almost bled out bc of the nerves (not me projecting on Ambrosius but that's literally what happened to me when I had my first kiss)

- Ballister seemed calm about this whole thing but it doesn't mean he was. When they had their first ever date he brushed his teeth extra clear just to make sure he'd smell good during their first kiss. Bro was THRILLED

- basically Ambrosius was overthinking this and Ballister was... Also overthinking I'M SORRY THESE TWO ARE HORRIBLE

Now the headcanons are for the time when they've been dating for like more than a few months and have kinda got used to each other in this new ~romantic~ way

- Bal's way of flirting wasn't really obvious since he doesn't look like a guy who can come up with romantic compliments on the spot, however I think he touched Ambrosius if he wanted to express his feelings for him. Stroke his bleach-damaged hair, make their pinkies intertwine, put his head on his shoulder and nuzzle into him - this or he'd infodump new history/physics/chemistry facts he learnt

Bal: Okay, did you know that [some really complicated science stuff I cannot describe in words because I'm a literature major]

Ambrosius, heart-eyed, no clue what he's talking about: Wow that's really interesting anyways do you want me to change my surname to Boldheart-

- Ambrosius looks like a total theatre kid so I think he often flirted with Bal by quoting some love poems they had in their curriculum. Of course he quoted their analogue of Romeo's monologue under Juliet's balcony why do you think he wouldn't

- Having said that, whenever he quoted something which referred to a woman, he changed pronouns and general words bc he's attentive like that. Sometimes it got absurd tho. "Manservant of the moon" instead of "maid" like dude😭😭😭😭

- Ballister tried his best not to laugh but also not to pass out bcuz of the amount of praise his boyfriend gave him which was actually a lot. My man is as much of a mess as Ambrosius is let's not forget that

- one day Ambrosius quoted something which was not from the curriculum but instead from Bal's favorite book. I think Bal liked adventure books about knights which sometimes included romance and I imagine the dialogue going:

Ambrosius: "And even if I had to turn against the whole world to follow you-

Them together: "-I would do it with no hesitation-"

Ambrosius: "Because you are my world, Sir Redsword"

Them: *staring at each other*

Bal, all blushing: ...that's not from the books our teacher told us to read

Ambrosius, also blushing madly: Yeah but I figured I like some variety

- That's when Bal knew this guy was his forever soulmate

- Bal used to be taller than Ambrosius for a long time of their early years but then Ambrosius got late height boost or idk how it's called. Basically dude went from 5'5 to 6'1 overnight and I know Ballister was PISSED

- these two totally kissed in the janitor's closet when they needed some privacy I'm telling you (not even in a "steamy" way although I think some sort of tension existed - cmon they were late teens bro do you really think puberty is nice to teenagers???).

- why would you get a private space where you can explore this side of your relationship safely when you can have a literal closet with racks and mops and buckets, am I right

- Ambrosius tried writing poems for Ballister they SUCKED

- Ballister still saved each and one of them. One day, he'll sort through his things to move to his own place after the wall comes down and find these yellow checkered sheets of paper, full of bad rhymes and silly words. He'd bring all of them to his (and Ambrosius's) new apartment

Okay now the last hcs which I honestly have no idea how to call but umm ✨what people around them thought about their blooming romance✨

- Queen Valerin understood something was up on the spot. Like, for a straight woman, her gaydar worked flawlessly😭 it was enough for her to see them hide the fact that they held hands to go "I know what you are". She was pretty supportive although she did ask Bal on their one-to-one meeting to "use protection" like all moms do🖐

- The Director also knew something was up but her reaction was more like "Sir Ambrosius will grow out of it". As you know, he never did LMAOO

- Todd was hilariously oblivious despite teasing Ambrosius like "HAHA LOLLLL GOLDENLOIN WHY R U ALWAYS WITH THIS COMMONER GUY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH HIM OR SOMETHING". He did it in a cishetero "haha gotta mock my homie for being gay" yet DID NOT REALIZE his homie was, indeed, gay

- some cadets could pick up on it, some didn't

- anyway I think the general public knew nothing about it bc if they did that'd be a scandal worse than Henry the 8th's when he created a new religion bc his loins were on fire thanks to Anne Boleyn

ALSO GET THIS LITTLE PIECE (which I don't really like bc of the coloring choices) OF THEM :D

I swear Ambrosius isn't yellow irl😭😭 I'm myself asian I now better than that

That's about it I guess! Lemme know what you think (if you wanna use/adopt these hcs, feel free to do whatever you want with them! Just tag me so I could see it wjsjjajaj!!!!) ;3

#nimona #ballister boldheart #ambrosius goldenloin #ballister x ambrosius #goldenheart #nimona fanart #headcanons #nimona headcanons #man why's this so long #sorry guys #i hope my words make sense sorry if they dont #theyre tiny😭

[taidelmoro]

spoonie penpal wanted!! 🥄

♿ looking for a chronically ill and/or autistic penpal!

Hey, hello! :]

My name's Tai, I'm 22 years old, from Brazil & I'm looking for a pen pal!

I'm specifically looking for a chronically ill, disabled and/or autistic penpal to share experiences only spoonies would understand - if you are not a spoonie yourself but u are supportive and respectful, you can still send a request if you're interested! ♾

🌼 About me!

🦇 I deal with multiple diagnosis;

Autism, Connective Tissue Disorder (currently investigating Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome), dysautonomia & autoimmune conditions (SLE) + comorbidities like IBS, food intolerances, mental disorders, etc).

All diagnosed, but we still have more questions than answers.

🦇 I'm an artist 🎨 [Tradicional & Digital] ;

🦇 I speak english & brazilian portuguese;

🦇 I'm kinda new to penpaling;

I've always loved writing letters & crafting gifts, but I'm new to actual penpaling, so you could be my first ever actual penpal! (I also researched a whole lot about it so call me experienced >:] )

🦇 I might need to take breaks;

I might take a bit longer to send letters or need to take breaks from time to time due to my health conditions.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

🤎 Hobbies: All sorts of art, journaling, baking, gardening, listening to music (i love SOAD) & watching cartoons (i love OTGW);

🤎 Interests: Art, nature, halloween, animations / cartoons, minecraft, all animals!!, paganism/witchcraft, alt styles, etc.

☆ Special Interests: Commemorative dates & festivals, nature and studying about neurodiversity and medical conditions.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

🤎 Ideal penpal:

• Snail mail preferably, but digital's also ok!

• Long term (preferably);

• Any gender, any location, any age above 18;

• LGBTQ+ friendly, trans ally, etc;

• If not disabled themselves, respectful towards disabled people;

• Likes getting creative / crafty w/ their letters, but is also open to share thoughts, ramble and build a friendship (i don't mind long letters!!!);

• Is someone who can be patient and understanding about my mental and physical limitations;

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

👻 What else to expect from me? 🖍

• stickers!!! • poems • tea • trinkets •

• pretty letters • pressed flowers •

• lots of drawings & doodles • existential crisis •

• we can talk about the extras we have / would like!! ♡

Anyways, feel free to DM me or comment if you're interested!

☆ e-mail: [email protected]

Lets chat for a bit :] ⭐

#penpal wanted #looking for a penpal #pen pals #penpal #snail mail #stationery #letters #chronic illness #chronically ill #chronic pain #spoonie #ehlers danlos syndrome #ehlers danlos zebra #pots #pots syndrome #actually autistic #autism #autoimmune #lupus #dysautomnia #neurodivergent #neurodiversity #artists on tumblr #autistic adult #heds #cripple punk #autipunk #disability #disabled #actually disabled

[the-ace-of-arrows]

I don't truly experience anything

- a poem of some sort, I suppose

aromantic - I've never felt this thing that others say define us as human.

this feeling that in media seems to be the one feature that qualifies an alien or a robot as owning a soul

this one feeling that everyone seems so obsessed over

the thing behind the curtains of everything

the thing that surely, no one could ever live without, right?

I've never been with a person, thinking about how I'd love to spend the rest of my life with them and them alone

I've thought I might have, several times, with my closest friends, the ones I feel comfortable around

but it's not the same

it's not how others describe it

I've never wanted to kiss anyone

the closest I've come to romantic love is platonic

but if it is

if it turns out I'm pan- and polyromantic

if I've only ever experienced romantic love, and never platonic

then I'm still one form of love short from everyone else

I'm still less

asexual - I've never wanted intimacy the way others seem to.

I've never seen a person and felt anything like what people have described

I've never been able picture myself in a sexual setting, and I've certainly never enjoyed it when I've tried

I've never experienced an orgasm, not even sure I could if I tried

I've never felt the need to do anything of the sort

I've felt the want to, sure, but even then, not really

because I've never wanted it for it, I've wanted it to feel included

I've wanted to know what everyone else seem to revolve their life around

I wanted to understand, and to stop being so alien to the people around me whenever I just don't understand something

agender - I don't understand it

really, it just doesn't make any sense to me

never has, and tbh I just thought we'd all agreed to just go with it, because that's what everyone else did

I've never felt like a girl

I've never felt like a boy

I have yet to understand what this "feeling" is supposed to feel like

I'm me

just me

my body exists, sure

and I guess it's keeping me alive, so I'll try not to damage it too much

but it has never really meant any more than that in any way that means anything

it's a house

and you can decorate it to your choosing

and sometimes you'd like to move, but then you look at the housing market at the moment and decide that actually

the house I have now isn't that bad

and of course, you can't tear down a load bearing wall, the whole house would collapse

but otherwise, do whatever you want with what you've got, and you'll be good.

I guess in that sense I've kind of seen trans people as claustrophobic people stuck in a small attic-appartment without windows

the housing market is still horrible, and so they start by making modifications

make a window

let the air in

maybe even make a terrace on the roof out the window

doing what make them feel better

and if that so means I'll have to stop calling their house and attic, because they've expanded so much it's really a proper house now, then sure, I'll change the mailing address, why not?

agnostic - I say agnostic, but really I'm just afraid to say atheist

because I've never been able to believe

I don't even think I've ever really grasped the concept properly

but I want to

I really really do

I want to believe that there's some higher power out there

that there's someone looking out for us

taking care of us

I so badly want that comfort that others seem to get from talking into the void and somehow still feeling heard

but I don't know how

belief is such an amazing thing

belief is unconditional trust, something I'd almost call stronger than unconditional love

it's trusting that someone else will do good without any guarantee beforehand

and yet even when it comes to my closest friends, I can't do it

because I only actually believe in them if I've seen proof of it before, and that's not belief, it's a conditional trust

and I'm so incredibly jealous of the ones who are able to do so

I wish I was religious

a human - ahuman

I sometimes don't think I'm human

and I it

so much

because these are the things that everyone else call "reasons to live"

these are the traits that everyone says define what it means to "be human" or "be alive"

and so if I don't

if I never experience the reasons to live

if I never experience what it is to be human

if I never experience the essentials of being alive

then what am I?

I have no reason to live, so I'm meaningless

I'm not a human, so I'm alien

I'm not alive, so I'm dead

I'm a meaningless alien, dead to the world and to myself

a non-human, walking around with no purpose or light

a nothing

existing in the background

and even then, not really existing either

because what is existence without purpose or life?

a - the greek prefix for no, and the letter that seems to pursue my very being

a-being

a-thing

no-thing

I'm nothing

I'm nothing, wanting everything

staring at the rest of the world as if through the pages of a book that I'm doomed to only ever read and never experience myself

I hate it

I'm jealous

I want what everyone else has

And I'm crying

Somehow

I'm crying

because even with all the everything that I just seem doomed to never feel

for some reason the universe never thought to add sadness to that pile

#aroace #asexual #aro #aromantic #lgtbqia+ #lgbt #agender #agnostic #atheist #atheism #ace #sad thoughts #sad poetry #idk what to tag this as #i dont want to do this anymore #im tired #and im sorry #to anyone reading this who use the same labels I do #please don't feel bad about your labels or identity because of this #youre valid #im just a mess #sorry

[ofallplaceswhythis]

tcoptp thoughts pt.16

the black brothers angst better be healing

remus and tomny will be the death of me

every wolfstar fanfic needs to have sirius sleeping in remus' bed while james loos for him blissfully unaware

Yayy regulus and remus <33 [nevermind he got angry pretty fast]

Lol wtf is with remus and his fangirls random girls saying hi get that nick nelson thing out of my face this isnt heartstopper

REGULUS?! fucking prank wars gonna start between them now

Marlene its ok im on your side

remus getting chased by girls is his villain origin story

OMG REGULUS IS TRANS IN THIS?!?!

trish is like that random person in class who you think is just off-putting but they're actually really cool and just give you bits of information like a treat of friendship

i love their trio can they please hang out more?? please please ple-

remus and regulus are back <3

impossible improbable, sirius and nikolai would have loved each other istg there has to be one fanfic where they met

'i look for you in other people' remus ik you write poems but this is top tier poetry i cant believe someone actually wrote this

think this deserves a special point but mots putting disaster girl author notes seems fitting and creepy and now im scared

me making myself forget every wolfstar angst that ever happens is a form of self care otherwise i'll cry

............ just kill me at this point why dont you <33

brb guys smt got in my eye

.........holy fuck,,, never going to recover

is this some sort of "the prank" equivalent cause idk how i feel about that (can anything be worse than this?)

EFFIE YOU ARE THE GREATEST MOM IN EXISTENCE

'bite me, suspender stanley' im crying 💀💀

kinda dont like sirius rn and my mind is viciously attacking me for it

ok so remus ran away and is now with tomny, amazing fantastic gl-

never have i felt more pain than i did rn

this is the weirdest take on the miscommunication trope ive seen

hi guys can you please sort the fuck out of your shit? thanks <3

...do the girls know somehow or they just guessed? wont be suprised either way tbh they can actually talk about their feelings

how the fuck is remus suprised that people can actually guess what he and sirius were doing its so obvious like asdfghjklzxcvbnm

please please please please please please please please stop

'im so fucking mental about you' asdfghjklzxcvbnmqwertyuiop

'im not a poet' 'part-time then' THE TITLE'S HERE HGHGDHDSUI

SUNFLOWER FUCKING IN THE BATHROOM GSDGSDGSGFGRS

'youre like a dad to me' asdfghjklqwertyuiopzxcvbnmabcdefghijk

TOMNY MEETING THE GUYS YES ASDFGHJKLQWERTYUIOP

K what happened with tomny and sirius cause im concerned that sirius will actually throttle/kill him.

#the cadence of part time poets #my thoughts #sirius black #remus lupin #regulus black #james potter #wolfstar #the marauders

[verysium]

what do you read in your spare time? you’re one of the most eloquent users i know, id love to hear how you find the media you consume and what your favorites are

omg ei 😊 welcome back to the inbox! thank you for your sweet words although i'm probably not qualified enough to be considered the full definition of eloquent. i am going to preface this post by saying that i definitely don't read as much as i should, so this list is not going to be comprehensive whatsoever. the last time i even visited an in-person library was like half a decade ago, and since then my spare time has been nonexistent lmao. anyways, here are some of my favorite/most recent reads as listed by author:

POETRY

richard siken: i think siken is already well-known both in the literary world and in whatever booktok deems is popular culture. if you don't already know him though, he is best known for his poetry collection crush, which delves into themes of obsession, gay love, and violent eroticism. i actually read this chapbook unknowingly. as in i was hounding sketchy pdf download sites at 3 AM and saw a man with bloodied lips on the cover and decided to read it. he basically became my summer fever dream after that. the way he juxtaposes images is seamless, smoother than water. only richard siken can talk about violence without making it sound violent. i also enjoyed his other poetry collection war of the foxes, especially "portrait of fryderyk in shifting light." i think light is a common motif throughout most of his poems, and he manipulates it effortlessly. the most recent piece i read from him is "piano lesson." i have nothing left to say that he didn't already say, so i would just recommend reading it for yourself. he is the og big brain when it comes to word play.

ocean vuong: he's unforgettable, and i mean that literally because nobody forgets a person named ocean. time is a mother was exactly what the name suggests: an exploration of grief, loss, and the rewind of time after his mother's death. some of the poems are almost cinematic in quality. "künstlerroman" is my favorite because it feels exactly like watching a video tape in reverse. i think his most famous work is "someday i'll love ocean vuong." it was the first piece i ever read from him, and to this day, it remains my comfort poem.

silas denver melvin: i only recently discovered him through his chapbook grit. i think he's also on tumblr @/sweatermuppet. he writes a lot on the trans experience, and his work gives me a mix of southern gothic and country vibes. would definitely read his other publications if i had the time.

chen chen: one thing about chen chen is that he always comes to devour. my favorite works from him are "self-portrait as so much potential" and "song of the anti-sisyphus." you have to put on your thinking cap for some of his poems, but once you grasp the meaning, everything makes sense all at once.

franny choi: "disaster means without a star" was the entire inspiration behind my first rin fic. i relate to her more personally in regards to the diaspora experience, but her collections are worth reading in general because of the sheer quality.

pages matam: his poem "piñata" was what got me into slam poetry. his work mostly consists of political commentary which i feel is particularly relevant in today's social climate. "on learning america's english" also resonates with people who have encountered the entire losing/learning immigrant tongues experience.

laura lamb brown-lavolie: i've only read one spoken word poem from her, and tbh i only needed to read one. "on this the 100th anniversary of the sinking of the titanic, we reconsider the buoyancy of the human heart" is my two-headed calf poem. one day i will get this tattooed.

brendan constantine: once again, this was the result of me being chronically online coupled with the boredom of an august heat wave. i found "the opposites game" through TED. honestly, i was a bit unsure about it at first, but it's a cute little poem that makes you really delve into the intricacies of craft.

TEEN POETRY & PROSE

yasmeen khan: she could mouth her words onto every square inch of my body, and i would still be coming back for more. ingraining them into flesh is not enough. "movie stars" is by far my favorite work from her. she writes about femininity and womanhood so profoundly. it's tragic, but really i wouldn't have it end any other way.

kaya dierks: her writing is basically middle-of-nowhere small town stoner teenage life but personified. "crushed" is my favorite piece from her. the soundtrack for this work was definitely by ethel cain, and you cannot convince me otherwise.

FICTION

madeline miller: i was first introduced to her when i read the song of achilles. let's just say that book had me nonverbal for the greater half of three months. it was my metaphorical hatchet. i buried it once, and i never want to dig it up again. i read circe a few years later. the first time was during the blue hour at an airport, right between one red-eye flight and another transfer. i don't even remember that experience because i was heavily sleep-deprived. i read it again recently for a literature course, this time for academic analysis. overall, i enjoy the the heroine-centric narrative. typically, i'm a bit wary of novels with heavy feminist themes because they either project their agenda too strongly or they run the risk of misrepresentation. circe doesn't exactly have that problem. it was more about empowerment and less about exercising power over others.

charlotte brontë: as a historical figure, brontë was questionable, but jane eyre most certainly was not. that book rewired my brain, and that is saying something because i have never read any classic by choice. and it is so important to me that jane was the ugliest, plainest girl you could ever imagine. also cus i unironically enjoy angst, and this book was full of dramatic misunderstandings.

yoko ogawa: i love japanese literature, so there is no reason not to include this one here. "a peddler of tears" is one of my favorite short stories. i did not expect the ending at all, but it was welcome. something about violence, body gore, and dismemberment being framed as romantic and semi-erotic just gets to me. sign me the hell up. hotel iris is a hit-or-miss with some people. either you like the fact that art makes you uncomfortable or you shut it down completely. for me, i was alright with exploring some of its darker themes, but read at your own discretion.

NONFICTION

ross gay: he lives up to his name both in optimism and in carefree joy. probably one of my favorite creative nonfiction authors simply based off the accessibility of his writing style. easy to read and understand but still hits you with the full force of a semi-truck. i would recommend his book inciting joy. it's a collection of essays that delve into grief, but since this is ross gay, he makes it seem like a quintessential part of life.

paul kalanithi: sixteen-year-old me was mind blown by him cus before that doctors were shrewish old men with bald spots and sterile coats, not poetic surgeons who dissected the anatomy of word and recited t.s. eliot in the most heart-wrenching way possible. he is everything i want to become in both life and death. when breath becomes air literally does take your breath away.

#asks #moots ♡

[mykaeba]

really cool posts!

(this is a very incomplete masterlist made by me for whoever is interested. there are a lot of links that lead to more masterlists, so- prepare to browse!)

tumblr lore and very cool posts i guess:

goncharov (1973), apparently (unreality)

the tumblr folk stories

tumblr obsessions alignment chart

humans looking for Someone else

internet is haunted

the legacies people leave behind in you

humans are space orcs

how do you make memes

lighthouses

making toast

the body is round

the rat poem

cool stuff:

just a bunch of useful websites

life hacks (good websites)

in case you’re having a bad night

33 good things to know

learn things for free

for trans afab friends (takes you out of tumblr)

if you love cool socks, artists being paid and to get packidge from the post (takes you out of tumblr)

sew some frogs!

muslim-made modest fashion

pirating is cool i promise (be careful though):

the best beginner’s guide (takes you out of tumblr)

pirating 101 (reddit)

use firefox smile

other search systems (fuck google)

free books

photoshop but online

photoshop never gets hacked. ever. (i can’t guarantee this one, be careful <3)

adobe x pantone bullshit 1

adobe x pantone bullshit 2

for dsmp/mcyt peeps:

every technoblade video (reddit post)

where to read mangoball

for fan artists and writers: put it on your résumé

references for when you wanna draw and need help why is it so hard:

free morpho fats and skin folds this is literal gold

i literally found even better than one morpho: more morphos. and other stuff??!

smithsonian open access! a gigantic bank for free images

same energy (pinterest but cooler)

outfits of older eras holly molly

heads in every angle possible

how to draw hands the way old disney artists did

how to draw wings

how to comics

some brushes (free)

more brushes (still free)

even more (guess what)

these brushes are for making cities fast (wowwie it’s free)

some fonts

color palettes generators

png or jpeg?

references for when you wanna write and need help why is it so hard:

writing deaf/mute/blind characters

writing children!! when you don’t remember how it was

common medical mistakes

some fucking resources

Resources For Describing Emotions

how do i do x on ao3???

how to read like a writer

if any link is missing or deactivated, please tell me! i’ll try to find the missing post again,,,

#masterlist #how to tumblr

[mizzymii]

Vanitas Headcanons

General Headcanons that have no relevancy at all but I brainrot these on a daily basis.

If you see typos— no you didn't

TW: mentions of death and some Lightly-angsty Headcanons!

EDIT: I spelt so many things wrong WHOOPS I swear I know how to english

✎... VANITAS

⌛ Vanitas has itty bitty freckles all over his face, they weren't very noticeable but they're there

⌛ He is very good at knife juggling and lives for the thrill of it

⌛ Because I live for the Trans!Vanitas Headcanons and fancy ass scars; his scars oddly look like little wonky hour glasses

⌛ if Vanitas were to be in a relationship I feel like he isn't much of a PDA person; so he gets all funny when he's genuinely being shown affection in front of people.

⌛ for the Vanoè shippers and piggyback from the PDA Headcanons; I feel like Vanitas loves to just sit on the roof; he won't go out if his way to cuddle Noè or anything, but enjoys his company

⌛ for the VaniJeanne shippers; listen. Vanitas will let Jeanne do his makeup.

⌛ In a Modern-Day setting, in terms of music, I feel like Vanitas would like MCR; but also REALLY likes The Oozes

⌛ Vanitas is a musical guy because he just- radiates theatre kid. He likes the Falsettos :D

✎... NOÈ

🐱 I like to think Noè used to have a speech impediment when he was younger

🐱 Boi stims and likely has ADHD.

🐱 When he stims; he usually waves his hands around, shakes Vanitas or stomp in place

🐱 He can repeat "uhm uhm uhm uhm" for a minute straight until he remembers what he is thinking; and it pisses everyone (But Domi) off

🐱 for the Vanoè shippers, but I'm throwing in some angst. While Noè crushes on Vanitas (before a relationship), I feel like Noè tends to stare at Vanitas while on the rooftop and internally recites thousands of poems, but never speaks them.

🐱 When Noè gets Into a relationship with Vanitas, He leaves small pieces of the poems he's written around their room for Vanitas to find

🐱 For the DomiNoè shippers, I feel like Noè gives her the BEST hugs and cuddles you've EVER seen and is like her backpack

🐱 When Noè is in a relationship bc why tf not; you bet your ass he traces over ALL of his partners scars

🐱 Did I say I'm a Vanoè shipper? Well— more angst. In the end when Noè marks Vanitas, they come to a mutual understanding; but they embrace eachother for the last memory :) I can't think of anything sadder than that so that's for the softies (aka me)

🐱 Noè is a book dragon; he reads when he suddenly gets the motivation but he loves to hoard books because he thinks hell read them but never does

✎... JEANNE

🌹 She loves roses; she feels like a rose girl

🌹 In modern times; She's also a theatre kid- but she loves all the niche musicals.

🌹 her favorite singer is Aurora :) and she LOVES Tomm Moore movies

🌹for the VaniJeanne shippers, She loves to braid his hair and get him all pampered up

🌹 She gets sunburned very easily

🌹She's very sensitive to STRONG aroumas so she likes the subtlety

🌹Jeanne daydreams a lot when she has absolutely nothing to do

🌹(VaniJeanne) When Jeanne is in a relationship with Vanitas; she definitely makes sure to take care of him and is constantly checking up on him and giving him constant reminders that she does indeed love him

🌹Her love language is probably Words of Admiration and Physical touch

🌹She stims as well but they're usually little whistles and fiddling with sensory objects; these only happen when she's anxious and flustered

🌹For the DomiJeanne shippers; Jeanne loves to do Domi's first date was at a greenhouse then a Cafe.

🌹 Again for the DomiJeanne Shippers; Jeanne is the big spoon.

🌹 Jeanne would play DnD and always plays either the little and chaotic menaces or the big and gentle cutie patooties

✎... DOMINIQUE

I had a bunch of things for Domi but I had a blank while writing these

🗡 Bc I am; Domi is near sighted. It isn't TOO bad but it certainly is annoying

🗡 Domi is a secret bookworm and finds it so relaxing to read with a nice cup of tea

🗡 Domi used to take fencing classes and was really good? Listen girlie wields a sick rapier she DEFINITELY had practice ((this isn't even a Headcanon tbh))

🗡 Domi used to use Noè for practice

🗡 Domi doesn't like putting her hair up but is okay with doing braids or other types of hairstyles

🗡 Domi has a birthmark that looks to have matched Louis's :)

🗡 Domi, in Modern, would ALSO play DnD but dm's for Jeanne

🗡 Domi loves PDA :) romantic or platonic

🗡 I like to think Noè is her soulmate, both in a romantic and platonic sense

#the case study of vanitas #vanitas #noe archiviste #jeanne #dominique de sade #vnc #vnc vanitas #vanitas no carte #headcanon #theyre so silly #vanoe #vanijeanne #domijeanne #what is the ship name for domi and noe? do they even have one? #sobs

[davyjoneslockr]

Yes yes I'm sending more playlist related questions because these are fun. So The Rain The Park And The Other Things on the Fugio playlist caught my eye..ear? And it reminded me of the song Send me no flowers by Doris Day and I like that a lot.

Everybody says that Strawberry Blonde is very them coded but nobody explains why. I'm curious about your interpretation :D

Also does the Naramis playlist tackle the sad side of their relationship? How, you know, Narancia isn't there anymore. I appreciate that a lot about this ship- losing someone you love but still needing to move on. I think that's very realistic and I hope Mista finds peace again.

HI I'M SO SORRY I MISSED THIS sorry for the wait!!

Just listened to Send Me No Flowers and it's really lovely, I think I could also see it being Fugio-y in a way? Specifically postcanon pre-PHF from Giorno's POV. Something something he has all the tangible things he wants but not Fugo. But maybe that's just because my brain loves to make songs about wanting someone back + flowers about Fugio lol.

I won't lie, Strawberry Blond is a holdover from when I started making this playlist four years ago, when Strawberry Blond was considered the Fugio song and was on everyone's playlists lol. But listening to it now, I actually think it aligns with my Fugio vision more than I initially thought.

I think a lot of people take it as a Fugo -> Giorno song, but I much prefer imagining it the other way around. Again, imagery of someone leaving and the other aching over it, and the line "I love everybody because I love you" makes me think of Giorno basically getting his whole worldview tossed up because of Fugo, who's so completely different from him in every way. But also, I really really like to imagine that Giorno's feelings are unrequited at first. I think I've explained the Fugonara -> Fugio pipeline before, but Fugio during canon to me is more like. Giorno is very infatuated with Fugo, and Fugo doesn't notice because he's still hung up over his own one-sided feelings for Narancia. So the second verse kinda fits that, too, I think. The thing with "all I ever wanted was a life in your shape" also could have a lot of different connotations with them, too - Fugo had, and still has, a lot of privilege Giorno doesn't (Fugo grew up rich, never had to face xenophobia/racism, had a strong and well-funded education that is clearly shown to still give him a huge advantage even after he's disowned), and on the headcanon side of things, I do usually hc Giorno as trans and Fugo as cis, so there's that, too. But it could also be how Giorno has always repressed emotions/feelings, and Fugo isn't really able to, but also derives power from those emotions (even if they're harmful) - maybe a tiny bit of subconscious envy that Fugo's able to feel, to cry, so on and so forth? Idk. Something like that.

As for the Naramis playlist, I actually don't have a ton of angsty stuff on there, because I did originally envision it as a happier vibes sort of playlist (even I need a break from Naramis angst sometimes hehe). But I did start including a few sadder ones as of late!!

This song is super postcanon Mista to me and that's why I used it as the title for the second part of my fic :] "Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl/I held her close, but she faded in the night/Like a poem I meant to write" specifically.

Another postcanon one. The airplane metaphors really sell it for me. I think Mista sometimes plays this one on his guitar and thinks of Narancia :)))

And slightly different, but I actually think of this one from Narancia's POV!! He's been let down and betrayed a lot in his life, he can't envision a better life for himself than being a criminal, and his best friend ends up leaving him out of cowardice, so he hopes that he can at least have one person he can trust and rely on - ie Mista.

Thank you again for the ask, I love talking about my tunes (and Fugio and Naramis) ^_^

#and sorry again for the wait!! #jjba #fugio #naramis

[blorb-el]

saw your post about the things you'd like to see in a superman story and now i'm curious about the nsfw version 👀 if you'd like to share ofc!

mmm. see I have tried not to nsfw on this blog but you know what. fuck it. if famous author vladimir nabokov wrote a horny superman poem and had the absolute temerity to make it good and then send it to the new yorker and ask them to publish it for money in 19fucking42... (x) then i can do whatever i want on my blog

anyway. some Concepts. this turned out as less fic ideas and more personal headcanons. LONG post since i mostly haven’t talked about this. all of these are Free Real Estate if anyone is inspired by them

Even more for nsfw headcanons than sfw, I am above all interested in what the author is interested in. like, choking does nothing for me in and of itself, but everyone was so dang enthusiastic about it that now i'm invested and would absolutely read That Fic

for nsfw headcanons I have two different headcanon versions of clark for any piece of dc media. (yes this is how my brain works. blorbo all the way down). one looks identical to or nearly identical to a human. usually a cis man, however trans man clark also very good. the other has genitals that cannot be mistaken for human, usually some kind of retractable system. plus or minus some good ol' tentacles depending on the vibe. I went a little more into this + the Kryptonian names for such parts here. most of my headcanons are for alien biology clark, but going into a fic I think of any alien biology as a bonus, I don't expect it (there are, after all, a whole bunch of canon panels that go He Looks Totally Human No Xeno Here Guys!!. Every time I see one of these I like to imagine that some poor sucker at DC has seen something they do not like in the alien biology tag on ao3.)

A Clark who looks human I think is fairly well adjusted, he's had sex, he knows what he likes and what he doesn’t even if he may have hangups about asking for it. A Clark pre-serious relationship that doesn't look human, I hc has either not had sex or has only ever had sex with his clothes on and without being touched himself, only giving (for some reason allstar gives me this vibe) (sidenote: i do not mean to imply that this is not a perfectly valid and fulfilling sex life for many people!). he does genuinely enjoy being a service top. he just would also like to be in a relationship with someone who he could trust with his identity...

then he meets Lori in college (lori lemaris, for the uninitiated, is precrisis superman’s hot mermaid college gf, which is a sentence that rules. she should come back in a comic not written by frank fucking m*ller). alien4mermaid. for the first time he’s in a relationship with someone who not only knows that he’s not human but is not human herself. When she has to return to Atlantis it breaks his heart (canon). this ties into my Ideal Superman Timeline, where this is where he leaves college, at the end of his sophomore year, and scrapes together the rest of his degree with remote credits while traveling the world, learning what doing good looks like worldwide, and Finding HimselfTM. however this post is not about that.

that’s the background I usually have in the back of my little brain when I’m writing. Other stuff, mostly superbat but relevant to clois...

despite not having much experience he’s like. annoyingly good at pleasing his partner because 1. i said so 2. he is incredibly focused on their pleasure and 3. he’s got built in biofeedback receptors.

early on i think he absolutely ties himself in knots about wanting something, being allowed to want something, and feeling strange about judging himself for wanting something. the queer experience. man’s on three levels of overthinking. like, i think he enjoys the feeling of holding his partner’s arms down or thighs apart while he’s going down on them, feeling the muscles flex against his hands, knowing he has them pinned, but at the same time feels guilty about liking it.

ultimately he’s pretty vanilla himself, but since his partner’s pleasure is so important to him, he’s open to experiment and try things out.

Again early on, I think this backfires. There are certain things he is really uncomfortable with that i don’t think he’s aware of until they come up. He doesn’t like feeling examined or scrutinized, which I think would come up with Bruce early on in their relationship. Something about an old childhood fear of being looked at too closely. For the first few times, I think he’s more comfortable with the lights off.

dcau. bruce wants to try some sort of roleplay scene involving ropes/bondage and clark goes along with it because he can tell bruce likes it, but at the same time he’s lowkey getting triggered... clark’s very good at hiding stress, but bruce notices and pauses before it goes too far. clark just lies there still as a statue for a few seconds, says the safeword (’pearl’), and just as bruce is reaching out he’s bolted straight out through the window and up and away. bruce feels like garbage. clark feels like garbage. clark comes back once he’s ready, and because bruce doesn’t press for details, clark feels safe enough to choke out a few words explaining that it reminded him of what happened on apokolips with lashina. clark Gets Help. this fixes the ENTIRE dcau from that point on and neither of them die sad and alone in bapmanbeyond.

similarly i know it’s a fic trope but i don’t think he finds depowered/blue kryptonite sex inherently more enjoyable. in my headcanon he’s grown up with his powers - while they can be overwhelming at times, they’re also comforting, and the sudden silence is distracting. Also at any given time when he’s depowered there’s a little voice in his head going ‘what if an airplane has a jet engine failure right now. do you know how many people could die? and you’re doing this to get off? selfish.’ this is a statistical improbability, of course, but it’s bronze age canon he has anxious thoughts like this.

retractable dick very handy in such emergency circumstances. the annoying thing about sex with clark is that it’s very very good 92% of the time but 8% of the time they will be deep into it and then clark will freeze, do the damn head tilt and then WOOOOSH. and his partner can’t even feel bad about it because they’re adults and both understand that saving a life is more important than an orgasm. besides he will make it up to them thoroughly.

he gets WAY better at communicating about sex and desire eventually, but only really with his partner. i think at heart he’s a modest and reserved person, i don’t think he’s ever going to be joining in “locker room talk.” (however AU where he does is incredibly funny)

("praise... 'kink'??? what do you mean praise 'kink.' what do you MEAN. are you people not praising your partners??? ARE YOU NOT LETTING THEM KNOW HOW WONDERFUL THEY ARE??? THAT'S - PEOPLE THINK OF PRAISE AS A KINK?????!!" - a man at the absolute end of his rope. facial expressions going through all five stages of grief.)

leaves hickeys on bruce’s neck, mostly because he wants to and he knows bruce is into it, but also knows the man’s got an inexhaustible supply of turtlenecks. he is aware of exactly where the turtlenecks end and does not leave hickeys higher than that. possessive streak, in a very considerate way, but still.

as he gets more secure and comfortable he loses the jealousy. possibly he enjoys the idea that bruce has so much experience and still chooses him.

if his partner says ‘do what you want with me, i’m all yours,’ i think 9/10 times it’s slow body worship and massage. sometimes not sex, sometimes it’s just too relaxing. it’s an indulgence for him to just be allowed to be slow and present. physical touch is a big love language and once he’s in a relationship he can freely give it, he loves to do just that.

the last 1/10 times is when he’s tired and stressed. he can and will pick up his partner and rail them into the mattress/against the wall/into thin air while floating. this is where the auxiliary tentacles come in handy. he gets them off though even if it’s supposed to be just about him for once, he feels too weird if he comes and his partner doesn’t.

on really really bad days his partner will pick up on how down he’s feeling and will uno reverse card and body worship him and it will make him cry a little

finally here are some panels that made me break out laughing. first off. he can tell just how hard he's getting. ah. impacted.

(action 423) imagine he's the one getting railed and it’s going Great and then all of a sudden he’s just like. “velocity - 4mph. impact pressure - 15ppi.” in his best Broadcaster Anchorman Voice. i think this would be very funny. bruce would be into it lois would NOT, however it would make her crack up laughing, which is what he'd be going for, so everybody wins. he’s a doofus at times and sex is NOT excluded from that

(WF 104) vibrators don't work on him. very sad! however. with superspeed. he IS the vibrator. (supers :handshake: flashes). I don't think he'd be much for toys himself, I think there's something very satisfying to him about body-to-body contact, but if a partner requested them he's happy to indulge them.

#januariat #thanks for the question :^) #you'd think if i could write this much as meta i COULD FINISH MY WIPS HOWEVER. #what do i even tag this as. unhinged. #nsft #superbat

[bastardsofravenkroft-blog]

Kobra Kid headcanons ★

He/him pronouns because its easy and he doesn’t particularly care. Zi/zir because it sounds cool. They/them because it’s also easy.

They might be trans. Nobody knows. Not even Party Poison. Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. It’s nobody’s buisness really.

Nobody knows if he and Poison are biological siblings or not, except him and Poison.

He’s such a bad shot because somebody needs to recognize that he’s left-handed.

They have their tongue split.

Has tongue pierced as well as ear lobes and septum.

Autistic.

In strict platonic marriage to Jet-Star.

Ze has symbols of luck tattooed across zir body, most of them fairly small, all drawn for zem by Poison. Has a bigger lower back piece, no one has seen the full thing except Cherri. (And Poison)

Loves lights. Especially red lights.

Likes snakes. Do not get near them with a snake.

Contrary to popular belief, ze are allowed to drive the trans am. (That’s Ghoul.) Zir not as good as ze are on zir beloved bike, but zir good enough.

Can become overwhelmed with too much visual stimulus pretty easily. Don’t talk to them if they’ve got their good luck helmet on. They don’t want to talk to you.

Owns several pairs of cowboy boots. Mostly to annoy Poison.

Missing the ring finger off their right hand.

The subject of many a Cherri Cola poem. Specifically horny ones when Cherri decides to branch out from depression and trauma.

Is pretty much straight-edge after an Incident awhile back.

Likes mechanics and building stuff, until they get frustrated and won’t touch anything to do with it for months.

Likes songs with no words.

And warm mornings.

Hates zir hair to touch zir neck.

Has more love than he’ll ever express to the people he’s closest too 🧡

(up next: me explaining how kobra and jet did not in fact die in traffic report.)

#kobra kid #kobra kid headcanons #kobra kid hcs #danger days #fabulous killjoys #fab four #fabulous killjoys headcanons #danger days headcanons #the true lives of the fabulous killjoys #mikey way #poisonrose.txt #personal danger days canon

[nico-nico-suavecito]

Trans Year of Gratitude

Despair mitigation in the face of unceasing tragedy - a reflection on the last year following the Club Q shooting.

One year ago on Trans Day of Remembrance, I was scheduled to speak at my friend’s church about the nonprofit I work for. I was going to talk about queer joy and trans youth and all the work the church has supported us in doing. Then, I was going to pick up my partner and we were going to drive to Phoenix to visit my chosen family there, with a stop in Santa Fe.

I woke up that morning to a deluge of text messages and notifications, asking me if I was okay. I couldn’t tell you which headline first crossed my vision that finally pieced it all together. Just the flash of words. Club Q. Shooting. Injured. Dead.

In the months before this, I’d been in a state of trans revelry. I was back on testosterone. I was experimenting with self-expression and letting myself be the alt boy I never got to be in high school. My friends and I were going out dancing each week. I’d just entered a T4T relationship and was head over heels in love. I’d just restarted the queer open mics in October after a covid hiatus and was excited for them to be a regular event again.

I still went to church that Sunday morning, for possibly the first time in years. I struggled to be present — I kept scouring social media for news, reading my friends statuses and comments. “Has anyone heard from…” “Can someone confirm if they’re safe…”

I still went up to speak. Through tears, I wondered at our holidays. Trans Day of Visibility. Trans Day of Remembrance. I felt so much rage, the kind of rage that is love at its fiercest. We deserve better holidays than this. We deserve trans days of joy, and love, and everything beyond survival.

When I sat back down in the pew, I opened my phone. I saw that Daniel, who had been to my house multiple times for hair cuts and parties and who I admired as an out and proud trans man in our community, was gone.

I broke down in the pews. As the congregation sung “We Are the Ones” by Sweet Honey in the Rock, I started to write a wishlist of everything I wanted for trans people instead of what we were given. I wished us everything from bleeding bigots to coffee in bed with those we love. That’s how trans day of i love you was written.

That day, as people were sharing my post to their story, I started collecting people’s additions to the poem because they gave me hope and gratitude.

On the way to Phoenix, my partner Brin and I cried, wondered at the future that was feeling ever more uncertain, and we sang at the top of our lungs with Say Anything - Alive! Alive! Alive with love!

That night, when we made love in a Santa Fe hostel, I felt a certain urgency. Life felt so precious, so fleeting. I wanted to devour her. I wanted to be swallowed up by beauty.

She woke up the next morning with a cough and chills. One positive covid test and a six hour drive later, and we were back in Colorado Springs.

Like last year, I am in my house today, quarantining because of covid. This time, it’s been near impossible to find a PCR test to confirm it. My rapid test was negative, as it often has been when I’ve had covid. Still, in trying to keep my community safe, I can’t go to any memorials. I’m writing this instead.

In the months following, I was often asked, in interviews, by allies, in loaded how are yous, about how things are for queer people in Colorado Springs in the aftermath of Club Q. Whether things were better now that Colorado Springs has double the rainbow flags on display than it once had.

I think people want to hear that things are better. Increased support for the queer community in the aftermath would help our human desire for life to have a narrative in which tragedy serves a greater purpose. But it doesn’t. People are dead who should not be dead. They should be here, living their lives, with countless moments of joy before them. People are alive and still suffering their wounds, both physical and mental, with insufficient support. The needs of survivors have been buried beneath greed. Queer- and transphobia continues to be alive and well.

I don’t go dancing without knowing the emergency exits. Hiring security is now an essential part of hosting queer open mic, and this precaution is also salt in the wound.

What I can also say is that this community is so strong. The queer people of Colorado Springs continue to organize, fight, and live with a vibrancy that inspires me every day. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for.

Still, following Club Q, the world feels more uncertain than ever. It’s an uncertainty that’s been growing — long before Q, long before covid, long before Trump.

It’s hard to look at the shooting in a vacuum. After all, every piece of anti-trans legislation that was introduced this year feels like salt in the wound that Club Q tore open. How can anyone heal when every day there is a new headline about a new group of people who want to legislate against you and people like you.

These years have begged so many questions, questions that many people in this country have been asking for decades: What does America hold in store for us? This country that cares so little for all its people that it would feed them to the maw of capitalism, a hungry god that can never be satiated? A country that let us down to the tune of one million covid deaths and counting? A country that shows time and time again how little it cares for the most vulnerable, with every mass shooting, every piece of anti-trans legislation, every new covid case, every instance of police brutality against people of color, every gallon of petroleum that will push us over nature’s tipping point, every dollar funding the genocide of Palestinians?

Recently, a friend of mine posted on Facebook asking how anyone can feel any peace and joy in the world these days.

I’ve spent the majority of this year trying to figure that out after years of burnout that, despite the fact that I have so much to be thankful for, had embedded a deep exhaustion in me that left me often anhedonic and withdrawn from, not only the world, but myself as well. I worried that this exhaustion would mean the end of my life-long career in activism and organizing at best, and the ultimate succumbing to despair at worst.

I am a person prone to despair, and have been since I was a kid. Not just sadness, but despair — a helpless emotion, a sadness without hope. I’ve always taken the world very personally. The first time I met depression and suicidality were in middle school when I watched An Inconvenient Truth. This started a year-long spiral, during which I was convinced that human beings were parasites destroying this earth, and as a human being, there was no way I could logically justify my existence. Despair has accompanied me since, even when I eventually realized that people are capable of immense love and beauty, and that the real drain on this earth is capitalistic greed and fascism.

I want to share here what has helped me as the case for despair has only continued to grow, in the hopes that it may offer a way forward for those who, like me, struggle at times to get out of bed, and who feel like they are often at the precipice of being consumed by said despair. And, as with everything I write, this is also a series of reminders to myself, as knowledge doesn’t always equal practice. I have been in a very despair-forward place lately, so I am hoping I might course correct myself in writing this all out.

I believe the three prophylactics against paralyzing despair are gratitude, hope, and action. I believe them to be three sisters unified in a dance, their chalices held to the air in service of joy. When I speak of joy, I don’t speak of the mythology of capital-H-Happy. I don’t think there is such a destination. I think of joy as a tool of resistance. I think of it as that which fuels us forward, in even the darkest of times.

If I am to continue to be an engaged and active resistor against that which seeks to annihilate all of us - corporate greed, bigotry, fascism, I can't be overcome by despair, despite being very prone to despair, as I've been for as long as I can remember. In that way, joy serves a vital purpose in the revolution.

Gratitude is a muscle I am trying to work out every day. I think we owe it to this world, this world that continues to be so full of beauty, despite all of the terrible things that happen within it, to try and be grateful for what is here and good right now. These moments — my boyfriend bringing me coffee in bed, the bird stopping by my bird feeder, sitting on the dock of the lake by my house, every time I go out dancing at the gay bar and nothing bad happens — these moments feel more precious than ever. I try to savor them, despite the knowledge that 1. terrible things are happening or can happen at all times, and 2. these good moments are likely to become more and more scarce for all of us if fascism and climate change progress at the rate they are. If I become overcome by despair with this knowledge, the reserves of my hope go unfilled and I can’t be of service to this world. So, I have to be grateful. I have to savor what’s good.

Gratitude also provides the foundation of hope. Hope is an intentional choice, and not one made easily.

“People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It’s not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair, and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go.” — Tweet by Crowsfault

Without hope, there is nothing to fight for. There is nothing to build toward. We have to have a vision of what can be. So many forces seek to take imagination from us, but we have to be able to imagine the future we want to build, not just the systems we want to dismantle. Admittedly, my imagination isn’t what it used to be — chronic stress has weakened it, but the gratitude that I am present with helps rebuild my imagination of what could be.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends happy and safe. What if all trans people got to be happy and safe. What if we could live their lives without an ounce of fear. What if we got to dance with abandon, without thinking of the emergency exits.

I am grateful when I see my trans friends have access to gender affirming health care. What if all trans people had access to gender affirming health care. What if it was free, and easy to access. What if that was the case for all health care for everyone.

I am grateful when I get to be in nature and feel how I am part of it, how I am, in the words of Alan Watts, “the universe experiencing itself.” What if we all felt that way. What if we all realized we create ourselves in the forge of how we love the world around us.

I am grateful for the organizers, the activists, the changemakers, the artists. What if the world was guided by people like them, people who lead with such a fierce love?

When I feel overcome by dread, it is their words that buoy me. One poem I return to often is Ross Gay’s “Catalog of Unabashed Gratitude.” If I go outside and listen to it and watch the birds, and the clouds, and the people pass by, I can mainline enough hope into me that I can at least do what must be done. Work. Love the people I love. Create. Organize and advocate. If I’m lucky, there will be enough beautiful things that happen that day that I can find more gratitude and hope to keep me going.

Hope and gratitude would be empty platitudes without action, the truest triumph over despair. I think that we all have roles to play in this world inundated with pain. I think we as a community are in the process of learning the power of our voices. The ways that we can amplify gratitude, and hope, and action in all we do, all we share, all we write, all we create.

I have started to see it as a cycle. Act. Act until you must rest and remind yourself of a future you can hope toward to motivate you. If you can’t envision a future you can hope for, be intentional in being grateful for what is so that you can see what can be. If you need to be reminded of what is, seek and create moments in your life that kindle the flames of your gratitude.

I say all this, and still, there are some weeks I can barely leave my bed. I always try my best, but my best isn’t what it used to be. But I have to try and try and keep trying. And gratitude, hope, and action, however foolish and futile they might feel at times, are the best ways I’ve found to try right now, so that we might be able to continue to fight like hell for the people we love, both dead and alive.

P.S. A note for you, reader. I am grateful you’re here. What if the world had more people like you? What would be possible then?

#lgbtq #trans #transgender #club q shooting #lgbtqia #trans day of remembrance #tdor #mass shooting #queer joy #trans day of i love you #poetry #art #activism #club q #colorado springs

[fire-fira]

20 Questions for Writers

I was tagged by @linzerj for this, so without further ado:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On Ao3 I currently have 70 (though that number is going to increase soon), and on ffn (all my oldest stuff) I have 34. (Dear lord I need to eventually move my older stuff to Ao3. Maybe under a secondary pseud at some point... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯)

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

201,448

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Looooots of DC stuff, some TMNT, and with my older stuff I also wrote for Sonic, DBZ, Legend of Zelda, FMA, Gargoyles, Peter Pan, and Megaman. (I also have some early-stages fic and plans for Planet of the Apes fics, but I haven't posted any of that yet.)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Head Trauma - One of my earliest Bluepulse OT3 fics. YJA-based; Jaime gets knocked out on a mission and the team gets their first exposure to Khaji Da directly.

Loving an Alien Shouldn't be this Complex - Another Bluepulse OT3. YJA-based; Bart's part in what's intended to be a trilogy of fics about the same circumstances/events. Crushing on Jaime is one thing, but realizing he's crushing on Khaji Da is a whole different ballpark.

If You Think My Truth Is A Lie, You Can Get Bent - Bluepulse OT3 yet again, though background in this case rather than front and center. Mostly YJA-based; Bart is trans, in college, and entirely fed up with an obnoxious classmate who was perfectly fine with him and the fact that he's a guy up until she found out he's trans.

The Weirdness That You Know - Pre-Bluepulse OT3, pre-finding-out-Khaji-Da's-name. YJA-based; During some downtime on base after the events of season 2, Jaime winds up finding out that Bart and Khaji Da are very similar in terms of their sense of humor. The two of them getting along should probably be concerning.

Familia: Not Simple, but Needed - Bluepulse OT3. Mostly YJA-based; What happens when you have a sleep-deprived scarab who stubbornly has stayed awake for about three weeks? Nothing good and nothing the three of them would have ever expected if Khaji Da was coherent enough to think through the consequences of their actions before doing something.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to. Sometimes I wind up replying waaaaaayyyyyy later (when my emotional energy tanks it takes a lot for me to drag myself into talking to people in general, but I try to reply when I'm in a better spot), but if I have my way then I'll eventually reply to everything (unless there's literally nothing else to say).

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That would honestly have to be either my Bluepulse OT3 poem I Am Your Loss or my La'gaan-centric fic I Tried To Warn You. I Am Your Loss is focused on Khaji Da outliving Jaime and Bart and all the feelings involved with that, and I Tried To Warn You is an examination of La'gaan's emotionally abusive relationship with M'gann and him coming to terms with the fact that he was manipulated and abused. So yeah. Heavy.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

That's a tough one. The Name That Calls You Home is one contender, along with Fatherhood Isn't Easy, and Trusting Again Can Be The Hardest Thing. Two of those are focused on family and finding home (TNTCYH and FIE), and two are La'gaan-centric (FIE and TACBTHT). So yay for one of my TMNT AUs and two of my La'gaan fics meeting the mark? (Though all three have some painful circumstances that make the good that much more pronounced. Yeah, that was unintentional.)

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

The only time I've ever gotten any 'hate' was someone trying to be pissy about an old poem series I wrote back in highschool because they didn't feel it was a 'serious poetic work' and was 'amateurish'.

That. On character-based poetry. For freaking Sonic characters. Seriously just-

9. Do you write smut?

Almost never. (I can't say never because I did publish one fic on Ao3, but by a lot of people's standards it's really tame.)

10. Do you write crossovers?

I'm not opposed to crossovers, but I very rarely do. Usually I find my mind playing with multiverse iterations of characters meeting each other, but it's very rare my mind goes to wildly different stories getting a crossover-- in no small part because it usually tends to devolve into a case of 'Wouldn't it be cool if these characters met? Look how cool this character is!' in my head with no real decent plot. (That said, thanks to some old RPs with a friend of mine I am fond of Mass Effect's femshep and Voltron's Allura as a ship. It was a chaotic RP. lol)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

As far as I know, NOPE. If I'm fortunate it'll never happen.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes actually! Both I Tried To Warn You and Unstoppable Until I Break that I know of. (Unfortunately I can't read Chinese, so finding them on the site they're hosted on is difficult for me, but I do know they're there somewhere.) La'gaan keeps winning. lol

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Only one, and it's Devilfish. Beneath the Surface was a fun collaboration between me and onyxdragonx back before tumblr's purge in 2018. I have no idea if he left tumblr entirely, but I'm glad we wrote it.

14. What‘s your all-time favourite ship?

Ngl, it varies by series/franchise and how I'm feeling. I used to be pretty solid in single ships for characters for a long time, but as time has gone by I've drifted more into multi-shipper territory. At the moment though, the one that's eating at my brain the most is Devilfish-- La'gaan/Eddie-- because hell yes for my crack ship.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Maybe it's over-optimistic of me, but I don't look at any of my WIPs as 'abandoned' or as something I'll 'never' complete. Back when I was posting my writing only to ffn I used to joke about my trademarked 'delays of doom'. It's always a case of I will get to said stories eventually and I do work on old things from time to time, but due to shifting interests/life junk/life-junk-that-causes-a-low-creative-battery/etc. it can take me a long time to get back to something.

If I was going to narrow it down to the one that I'm not sure when precisely I'll get back to and is the most likely to take me a while to get back to (more than anything else), then it'd probably have to be an Elfquest fic with Leeta/Cutter/Rayek as endgame. Either that or the Planet of the Apes series kicking around in my head that I haven't quite figured out how to frame yet.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

FEELINGS. Emotions, getting into characters' heads and hitting that emotional gut-punch that makes people feel things.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Aside from my delays-of-doom™️, I can get SO damned wordy. And cerebral. Which isn't always a bad thing if I want my readers to know what's going on in a character's head, but it's a royal pain in the ass if I want to give a decent description of the space characters are in or have actual conversation and events happening while a character is getting lost in their head.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

YES. I WANT. GIVE.

lol Seriously though, while it might be rare for me to write full-blown conversations in a different language, if a character is multilingual then I personally prefer including indications of that with their word choices. Usually that results in an offhand word or several here or there in places where it flows naturally, but unless I'm confident in how things flow with that other language (whatever it is) then I'm unlikely to go for a full on conversation. If I am confident in the translation of what I'm writing and the switch into that other language makes sense for the characters in context then it's highly likely I'll go for it-- albeit with including the hover-over translation thing that Ao3 offers so readers don't have to bounce back-and-forth between where they're at in the story and the translation at the end of the chapter/fic. (Though I don't mind when other authors take that tactic.)

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sonic, and though I didn't put any online until 2003, I wrote a whole convoluted series back in middle school and on up into early high school I think (I suspect most of it's lost because it was all on an OLD computer), and even before that I remember a script-styled Sonic fic that I never finished that I was writing back when I was like... 5? ...7? Somewhere in there. Point is my first fandom is from a LONG time ago.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Yeeeeeet another hard one. If I don't cop out with Unstoppable Until I Break and I pull in my older stuff, then I guess it'd have to be Two Sides. It's a Legend of Zelda fic playing with the concept of Zelda and Sheik as simultaneously being and not being the same person, and while I'd probably write it differently now (dear gods I published it back in 2008) I still love the concept and think it's intriguing as hell. Just the very idea of Zelda and Sheik having once been the same person and remembering it in subsequent lives is just... There is a TON of potential there.

Will I ever revisit the idea? Maybe one day. For now, it is what it is.

As for who I'm tagging: @sounddrive, @brightlotusmoon, @radioactive-earthshine, and whoever else would like to do this. n.n

#my fiction #my life #ask game