#to not just include but lead with the actual I Am Sorry I Hurt You part | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

i-am-hungry-24-7 · 13 days

Note

Hello, this is 🦈 anon ◉⁠‿⁠◉. Um.. if you still open request, please can i have TF 141 together x F! Reader who has high (possibly extreme) pain tolerance that whenever reader's injured, she almost doesn't react or show she's in pain. When TF 141 found this new information, they couldn't be not worried because what do you mean you don't feel anything while bleeding heavily, sweetheart?

TLDR: "Ayo yer bleeding?!", "Uh, um..yeah, should I scream?"

hello 🦈 anon!!! nice to see you again :D ty for the request!! I hope u would like this one since I think it was sweet :) have a nice day/night!

word count: 2.3k

ship: TF141*F!Reader

tw: pet names (love etc.)

The first time they found out was on a mission.

The explosion made you fly and hit hard on the wall, you could hear Soap yelling at you.

“Yer okay, lassie?!” You brushed away the dust, Soap running over and checking on you, blue eyes full of concern.

“Yeah, alright.” Standing up from the wreckage, you simply responded to him. Though Soap doubted if you were truly fine under that big impact, but your face didn’t express thoughts other than focusing on the mission, so he just nodded and signaled to keep going.

The rest of the mission succeeded without any incidents. Price, Ghost, and Gaz are already waiting at the exfil place. Through the smoke and deafening sound of the helo, they saw you and Soap walking towards them.

“Y’all okay?” Hadn’t gotten close to the helicopter, Gaz already run towards you two, relief was obvious on his face when he didn’t see any injuries by a quick scan, but then Ghost came over too.

“Wait, your shoulder.” He pointed at your shoulder, leading everyone’s gaze to land on it, including yourself.

“oh... looks like it’s dislocated.” You evaluated.

“What do you mean ‘oh’?! don’t you feel any pain?!” Soap yelled at your words. His hands try to inspect your shoulder, but afraid to trigger the pain.

“I don’t think it’s a big deal, just...”

You put your hand on the shoulder, and with a loud CRACK, which made Gaz jump and Soap gaped, even Ghost’s eyes widened at your sudden motion.

“I think it’s fixed now.” You looked around at your teammates, confusion clouded your mind “Ummm... is there any problem?”

“You...” Ghost stuttered, but he regained his composure fast. “doesn’t that hurt?”

“Well, I don’t know what you mean, LT.” You shrugged, “But actually, I feel a little bit dizzy...”

Just at the moment you finished your sentence, the dizziness became more severe, and your vision started growing blurry...

“Oi! Call the medic!” Catching your slumped body, Ghost yelled at the sergeants, but the last thing you hear is Soap reassuring you and Gaz calling for help.

So quiet... Where am I?

You thought as you slowly opened your eyes, what came in your eyes first was the stainless white ceiling, and a low voice coming from aside.

“you awake, sergeant?”

Turning your head, your eyes met with the man’s ocean-like ones, who sitting on the chair beside and holding some papers.

“Captain.” The whisper slipped out when you recognized him

“I guess you don’t know you were seriously injured, love.”

“What happened?”

“The explosion.” Price leaned closer to the bed now “The impact caused your bone fractured and slowly internal bleeding. We have no idea how you were able to walk to the exfil and looked like nothing happened.”

“I didn’t feel any pain, so I assumed I was okay.” you avoided his attention when Price raised his eyebrows. You knew he was worried and it kind of made you guilty.

“since I was young I rarely feel pain, so...” staring at the catheter of your IV drip, you mumbled quietly.

Price didn’t reply, he just stared at the paper written with your injuries and health state.

The room fell into silence for a while, before you open your mouth again.

“Sorry, Captain...” You murmured, still don’t dare to look at him.

The man let out a long sigh, you snapped your head up when you felt your hands were covered by Price’s.

It’s warm, soothing, calming down your still hazy but full of thoughts mind.

“You should be sorry, dear.” He rubbed your hand in a repeated rhythm. “You make us worried. Me, and the boys...” he pointed his chin at the bedside desk, and you finally notice the flowers and your favorite snacks are placed on it.

“We’ll keep an eye on you every time the mission is complete, since you can’t feel pain, this is not a request, it’ s a command, got it, soldier?”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Good girl.” The composed grin eventually appeared on his face, and you smiled too when he ruffled your hair.

“Sleepy?” His comforting voice rings against your ears when you let out a big yawn.

“mmhmm.”

“Then sleep, Gaz will be here when you wake up.”

Price watched your eyelids struggle to stay open but failed, little snores leaving you when you fell drifted into dreams again.

What you didn’t know is he brushed off the hair on your face and placed a tender kiss on your serene face.

Weeks after, to your happiness, you could go back to your own quarter and start hitting the training room for some simple practice.

Except there was someone who insisted on following you every time when you went to the training room, even if you tried to sneak into the room, he was always there as if he knew your plan.

“Soap.” You sighed at the man sitting on the bench spotting you.

“Aye, lassie?”

“I’m okay, really.”

“I don’t trust ye anymore. I should check it mahself.”

You understood why he was acting like this. Price told you Soap had been blaming himself for not finding that you were injured in that mission until your body gave up due to blood loss.

“I’m just doing some easy weightlifting now, I won’t pass out just because of this okay?”

You concentrated on his figure as he strode to your side. You chuckled when he still looked at you with doubtful eyes.

“How ‘bout you spar with me? Go easy on me though, the doctor said I still haven’t recovered fully.”

“You sure yer okay?”

“You’re like my mother now, Soapy.”

“Aye, 'cause we got a naughty kid in our team.” He laughed. “If I think you should stop, then ye stop, aye?”

“Yes, mama.”

You both burst into laughter and stepped on the training mat. Soap really went easy with his attack, unlike the usual training with the tension as if you two were about to devour each other.

“Oh!” When Soap swung out a punch, you abruptly lowered your body, and with a swipe of your leg, Soap fell onto the mat, followed by you sitting on him and securing his hands.

“Checkmate...? Soap.” You smirk at the man lying under you.

“Won’t complain if I was lost to you, but.” he huffed out a laugh, but your world spun the next second, and you met your gaze with the man now on top of you, his eyes glinting with mischievous.

“It’s a tie now, bonnie.” He flashed out a dazzling smile at you.

“Okay okay, it’s a tie now.”

A lazy grin spread along your lips when you poke at his chest.

“How about we go get some lunch together, handsome?

“Aye, ma'am.”

“The bones and the wound have healed very well, can say you are the most well-behaved patient in your team.”

The doctor smiled at you, and you turned to shoot a glimpse at Gaz, only to find his face written with embarrassment.

“What did he do last time you treat him, doctor?”

“oh, I forbid him to go training, but he still went and tore his knuckles, so he came back and stitched them again, making me call Captain Price to scold him.”

“Sorry, he’s a dumbass.”

“All of you guys are stubborn, sometimes I really want to tie you to the bed.” The doctor grinned “Well, since you’re fully recovered, you can go back to train and go on missions. Remember to be careful next time, don’t come back too soon, okay?”

“I will, Thank you, doc.”

Returning the smile, you and Gaz stepped out of the infirmary.

“I can’t wait to have you back next mission, need ya to bear Soap’s nonsense and Lt.’s bad jokes with me.” Walking beside you, Gaz sounded excited, and it’s hard not to be affected by his warmth.

“Need a helper to deal with those troublemakers?”

“That’s one reason.” He chuckled “Actually...”

“We all missed you.”

You halted to a stop when his words flowed into your ears with a bit of sadness.

Now face to face with him, you were able to see the concern on his face.

“You didn’t know when you just passed out without any warning, I felt like my heart almost shattered.”

It was close to midnight, so no one was nearby, and his words were gentle yet distinct, echoing softly in your mind.

“Not just, me, Ghost, Soap, Captain... we all are scared, you know?”

“We thought we lost you.”

You opened your mouth, mind still processing, managing to find a word, but nothing came out except an apology.

“Sorry, Kyle...”

The dusk light showered you two in an awkward peace, but it didn’t affect the sentiment Gaz conveyed to you.

“Just be careful, okay? You should tell us that you can barely feel pain, so we can help you check out, alright?”

“Okay.”

Giving your hands a little squeeze, Gaz accompanied you back to your quarter.

“We’re more than a team, more than family, we’ll always watch your back, just like you always do.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Tilting your head, your lips curled mildly. “Goodnight, Gaz.”

The honey-like smile inched towards you until you felt his soft lips pressed a kiss on your cheek.

“Goodnight, lovie.”

Your first mission after months ended smoothly. You were glad that you didn’t become rusty after the long rest, seemed like the practice and training with Soap and Gaz were worth it.

Soap and Gaz were chatting loudly, while Price sat in front and was checking details regarding the mission. You listened to the boys bantering, sometimes quipped back when their target turned to you, but you could feel someone observing you, and you tried to ignore the chill sending through your spine.

Because you knew it was Ghost, sitting just across you and scanning you like a robot.

You silently wished to arrive at the base faster, so you could ask him what was wrong or if you had done something incorrectly.

Under his scrutinizing gaze, you let out a sigh of relief when you jump off the helo. Got rid of the gear and placing them back in their place, you straightly head back to your quarter, craving some hot shower to wash off the soreness and dirt.

On your way back to the quarter, you could hear footsteps following you, almost imperceptibly, but you noticed and immediately went to a stop.

“LT.?”

Your LT. loomed just right behind you, seeming not surprised that you were aware of him, or maybe that was just what he was planning.

He hummed at your recognition but didn’t stop his steps, until he was side by side with you.

“I’m just about to ask you, did I do something wrong? You kept staring at me when we were heading back.”

“You did it pretty well.”

“Then why did you...?”

“You’ll know when you get into your room.”

He placed his right hand on the small of your back, ushering you to your room, and you just obliged, letting him lead you.

Closing the door behind you and Ghost, you turned around to face the man now with his balaclava on.

“So what’s the issue?”

“Clothes, off.” The command came out from him unexpectedly.

“What—“

“I said clothes, off.”

Furrowing your eyebrows, what the fuck does he want? you thought while kicking off your cargo pants and tossing your shirt on the chair, leaving only the sports bra and underwear with you.

“What now?”

Ghost didn’t form a word as his eyes traveled from your head, slowly through every inch of your body, under his meticulous search, you felt heat rising to your cheeks.

“turn around.” You did as he told, and now you were unable to see him, anxiety crawling to your mind until he finally stood up.

His calloused hands touched your shoulder, circling you to face him.

“Can you tell me what you’re doing now?” You asked when he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear.

“Checking.”

“If I’m injured?”

“yeah.”

“Oh god” You poke his pec with a frown “you all are overreacting. I’m okay, really. Don’t you guys trust me?”

“We trust your ability, but not your ability to tolerate pain.”

“I’m fi—“

“We can’t lose you.”

Your eyes widened at his words. Ghost was looking into your eyes. He might be good at concealing his emotions, but they said, a person’s eyes can’t lie.

and all you see is sorrow, love, consideration.

All the retorts were swallowed back when his eyes conveyed how important you were to him — to them. You studied the man towering over you, tracing his scars and wrinkles in your mind.

“Thank you, Ghost.” You pulled him into a hug, which he didn’t back off, instead melting in your arms, head burying in the crook of your neck. “I will be careful, okay? I will tell you if I got hit and not sure if I was injured.”

He nodded while staying in your embrace, and you just patted his head.

“Now, I need to shower” Pulling back, a smile bloomed on your face “See you tomorrow, LT.”

“Don’t oversleep again, sergeant.” He scoffed, but petted you before letting you go to shower.

When you came out, with relaxed muscles and fresh clothes, you jumped onto your bed, but something on your desk caught your attention.

Picking it up, you shook your head in disbelief.

“Fuck you, Ghost, I already brushed my teeth.”

grumbling to yourself, you still opened the snack—your favorite one— and gave it a huge bite, while snickering at the paper placed under the snack.

‘Goodnight, luv. (remember to brush your bloody teeth again.)’ — Ghost

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reiding-writing · 3 months

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Hiii, I absolutely loved immortal it was adorable! I was wondering if I could request a fluff fic w Gn!reader where when Spencer goes to the swing set after the whole thing with Cat at the restaurant reader also goes there maybe to read a book and it's a whole meet cute kinda thing cause it's one of his favorite authors or smth? sry for the long request I was trying to be specific Imao

swinging [s.r]

Summary:

You attempt to find your usual late night escape in the empty play park late one evening after an argument with your boyfriend, instead you find a handsome stranger that you find oddly endearing.

WARNINGS: shitty boyfriend (not spencer obviously)

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

genre: fluff (kinda hurt/comfort)

wc: 1.5k

masterlist!!

a/n: i am reuploading this once and once only so if it doesn’t upload to the tags again then i am giving up-

“It’s a little late for a play date don’t you think?”

Your comment clearly catches the boy in front of you off guard, his head shooting upwards and his eyes wide like he was in a state of fight or flight.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” You take a second to admire the man in front of you through your apology.

His hair was fluffy, bordering curly, and long enough that it was getting caught in his eyelashes as he blinked up at you.

His eyes were big, round, and practically glistening in the warm lighting of the lamp post to your left.

He was dressed in a finely pressed black suit fit with a baby blue shirt and a lilac tie that made him look like he’d walked right out of one of those rom-coms where the male lead is a prolific billionaire.

He was gorgeous.

“I came here to wallow in my own self-pity but it looks like you beat me to it,” You can’t help but chuckle softly at your own explanation. “Do you mind?”

You gesture towards the swing besides his with a book held in your left hand and a soft expression, as if to silently tell the beautiful stranger in front of you that if he wanted to be alone that you would feel any offense.

“Uh- yeah- no- no, go ahead,” You don’t even try to suppress the smile that creeps its way onto your face at the way he stumbles over his words, and you take a seat on the swing next to him with a chuckled “Thank you,” as you turn your head down to the open book in your lap, just illuminated enough under the lamp post so you can read the words on the pages.

Any distinguishing factors, including the book’s title were unceremoniously hidden from view as it blends into the night’s shadows, effectively halting curious effort of the boy next to you to figure out what it is.

Of course, it doesn’t take long for you to feel his lingering gaze, and you follow it down to the novel in your hands before you show off the cover in his direction.

Paramenides by Plato.

“Have you read it?”

Your voice stops his psychoanalysis of your literature choices as he turns his eyes back up towards your face again.

“I have actually,” He nods softly at you with a pursed, slightly awkward smile, the contours of his cheek bones perfectly captured in the dim lighting. “I read it when I was doing my Philosophy degree.”

“No kidding-“ You let out a small laugh in surprise at the fact the cute stranger encroaching on your usual pity party venue just so happened to have a degree in Philosophy.

He also just so happened to have an absolutely beautiful laugh, the sound like a song in your ear as he joins you in laughing about the absurdity of the odds that the two of you both had a keen interest in philosophy.

“So, what brings you out here so late then?” You seem to lose interest in your book as the two of you make eye contact, shutting it in your lap as you turn your shoulders towards him. “No, wait, let me guess, shitty date?”

The boy lets out a breath that could almost constitute as laugh, averting his eyes from you and leaning towards slightly to awkwardly run his hands over his legs. “Something like that-”

You give him a sympathetic smile and a nod. “Don’t let it ruin your perception of romance, it’ll work out in the end,”

The boy’s eyes turn up towards you once more as you speak, and your smile becomes a little more awkward as he meets your gaze once more.

“You don’t look like you believe yourself…” His words leaving you blinking softly in his direction, facial expression full of confusion.“Your relationship isn’t going very well at the moment is it?”

Your expression morphs at his question and he immediately backtracks, waving his hands around as he tries to pull back the conversation.

“I’m sorry- I didn’t- I’m-” He takes a sharp breath in through his nose before attempting to actually speak a full sentence to you. “I’m a uh profi- A behavioural analyst- I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable i’m so sorry-“

“No it’s alright,” It was your turn to awkwardly drag your hands down your legs now, fingers curling over the edge of your book as you reach it and fiddle with the metal plating on one of the corners of the cover. “You’re not wrong,”

You can practically see the curiosity in his eyes as you confirm his suspicion. “Is that why you’re here?”

You can hear the cautiousness in his tone as he presses you further, clearly scared about crossing a line, “You said you came here to ‘wallow in self-pity’ earlier…”

You can’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of your earlier statement as he repeats it back to you. “We uh, had an argument,”

You play it off as something insignificant, but you can tell that he doesn’t believe you and soon end up finding yourself spilling the entirety of your relationship problems to someone you’ve never met before.

“He has this best friend that he’s like weirdly close to and he stood me up on a movie night we were supposed to have so they could go out together instead-“ You sigh exasperatedly as you replay the nights events in your head.

“I called him to ask where he was and it spun into him yelling at me for ‘not respecting’ his friendship because they’ve been friends longer than we’ve been dating, it’s stupid really-“

“That’s not stupid at all,” He shakes his head determinedly at you. “He’s not respecting your relationship, i’m sorry you have to deal with that,”

You can’t help but feel minorly guilty for making a stranger feel bad for you, but you give him a soft “Thank you,” nonetheless.

You unfortunately don’t have time to continue your conversation as your phone buzzes with a message from your boyfriend telling you that you have to go home to your shared apartment.

With a sigh you pick yourself up from the swing, clutching your book underneath your arm.

“Well, it was nice to meet you…” You trail of the sentence with indication for him to fill in the space with his name.

“Dr. Reid- Spencer Reid- Spencer- I’m Spencer....”

You can see the flush spread across his cheeks and over his nose as he stumbles out his name.

“I enjoyed speaking with you Spencer,” You give the cute stranger, Spencer, a soft smile as you prepare yourself to leave, hands stuffed in your pockets.

“I enjoyed speaking to you too,” He returns your smile with one of his own, albeit one that’s slightly more awkward, and you can see his mouth fall open again as if he was going to say something else, but his words fall short.

“Good night,” Your stopped in your walk home almost before it even starts as Spencer calls after you with a new found confidence.

“Wait-“ His voice echoes through the empty play park, and you turn around to meet his glistening gaze once more. “Am I- going to see you again?”

His half-awkward demeanour was oddly charming, eliciting a soft smile that spreads to your eyes.

“I like to read here sometimes, bring a book with you and maybe we can read together…”

Spencer smiles at your indirect invitation to see him here again in the future, and he nods softly at your answer, standing from the swing he was sat on to mirror you. “I’d like that,”

“Good,” You give him another soft smile that joined by a slight tilt of your head. “I’ll see you soon then..”

“Yeah…” Spencer stays stood as he watches you leave to go home, mind running at a million miles a minute as his brain fully comprehends what just happened.

You’re already out of sight before he realises that he forgot to ask for your name.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fluff #criminal minds fluff #mgg #asks 🫶

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valeriasdream · 22 days

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You Are in Control

A long post ahead, so I put a cut to save space for you all. I hope this helps. A bit nervous posting this and I get a little ramble-y, so apologies in advance for that.

We try to control our external world by focusing on our results, but by doing so we give up our actual control.

Have you ever heard the philosophy that you can't change others, you can only change yourself? The same applies here. You cannot change the outer world without changing your own inner world and mindset.

The only thing you will ever have 100% control over is yourself and your internal world. No one has control over your belief system, as much as people will tell you that what you believe is not wrong, it's still yours.

On Traumatic Events

That being said, I want to talk about traumatic events in relation to manifestations and reality shifting, since I've seen a lot of people posting or talking about it recently.

I think people misunderstand that when we say our assumptions make up our reality it means we are therefore responsible or the cause of bad things that happen to us, including traumatic events or abuse.

This is simply not true.

I think it's incredibly cruel to tell people that their abuse or their trauma is their fault. It's not.

Imagine you are going through life with a blindfold over your eyes, but you are unaware that you have a blindfold on. You think you can see, you are not aware that you are blind. So you continue your life, falling over, getting hurt, running into things because you just simply do not have the awareness to even realize that you are blind. How can you be responsible for getting hurt, how can it be your fault that you were hurt if you couldn't even see the path in front of you?

Then one day, you experience something that causes you to become aware of the blindfold. It could be another person telling you about it, it could be just through random circumstances that you felt your face and realized, "holy shit, I'm blind!" Whatever the circumstance is, it does not matter.

So you take off the blindfold, and you suddenly notice that you have total control of your path, and now you can avoid all pain or dangerous outcomes.

This is sort of how I view trauma or negative experiences... And I am aware that my blindfold analogy sounds a bit "culty" because of the whole, "open your eyes take off the blindfold" shit but it's the best analogy I've got, so I'm sorry for that. I am NOT trying to sound like some bullshit person who blindly believes in the law without acknowledging traumas. Traumas are real and they happen to people.

Sometimes we are blinded, and unaware. And when we are blind and unaware, we don't have control. And it's not our fault for being unaware, because think of how you were before you knew about the law or about shifting. You were just living your life, you were letting life lead you. You were in survival mode. How can you blame someone for just being in survival?

That does not mean that you are the cause for any bad things that happened to you because at the time, you were unaware of the control and power you had. And that's perfectly valid and okay, whatever may have happened to you it was not your fault.

It is now up to you whether or not you want to stay in that state, and because you are now aware of the control you have over yourself it is so much more freeing. The blindfold has been removed, you are no longer stumbling through life simply trying to survive. You are free to create however you desire.

As a side note, I want to express that it is absolutely possible to heal from traumas. It is hard, it is very very scary, I know because I've been there myself. But it is possible... And the moment you do, the moment you free yourself of whatever happened to you, you will understand that it was never your fault. If anyone is reading this who has been through something painful, difficult, or traumatic... You didn't deserve that. You will lead whatever life you desire, whether it's manifesting a better life here for yourself, or shifting to a whole new reality in your DR. It's not about deserving or not, everyone deserves their own version of their reality regardless of the person you are. There is no good or bad, there is only a state of being.

I just wanted to end on this note because I think people can sometimes blame themselves far too easily, and sometimes we need reassurance and to understand that we're not responsible for what happened to us, but we are responsible for handling our own healing.

No one can heal you but you. Just like no one can change your reality but you.

You are in control. Do not ever let anyone take that away from you.

This post from 2022 in the Neville Goddard subreddit has a take that I find very helpful in also understanding that you are not the cause of your traumas.

If you've read this far, thank you for your time. Whether we agree or not, I hope everyone remains respectful.

🩷 Valeria

#law of assumption #lawofassumption #loa #reality shifting #desired reality #reality shift #shiftblr #shifting #reality shifter #shifting blog #neville goddard #nevillegoddard #loassumption #loablr #loa tumblr

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bunny-yan · 6 months

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Hello!! Thanks for sharing your writing with us! I'm a fan of your Hero/Reincarnated Reader story! :D Personally, I find it very cathartic lol

I've read the manga you based your story on a long time ago (tbh they did not give justice to the previous reincarnations AT ALL in my opinion), but do you have plans to expand on why Hero left Reader for each reincarnation in your story? Is there something deeper at play here (on Hero's side or even Reader's side because I think feelings of love or even basic affection would dissipate after the second reincarnation) or is it simply he wanted to play around with others and string along Reader each time? Do you think there will be another love interest that will show up in this current life?

If escape doesn't work, how would Hero react if Reader took their own life instead? And if Reader is successful, would they be "cursed" in the next life to be Hero's childhood friend? lolol

I know it's not possible, but I think it'd be beautiful karma for Reader to fall in love and marry someone else because I feel like that would really kill Hero lol

Sorry for the question spam, but thank you again for your stories and I hope to see more adventures of Hero/Reader! :D

(Btw, how will King fit into all this or was the King/Reader/Hero story a one-off?)

So I do plan on expanding on Tasman's reasoning for leaving Reader behind and you're pretty close to his reasoning, but I thought I'd expand on how the darling would commit suicide in this particular ask. I think it would also be pretty interesting to watch Tasman suffer and be forced to watch his darling find happiness with someone else so def saving that for a future draft!

The Sharing is Caring Series are one-off stories that include two+ yans, but if you're interested in seeing that sort of dynamic I am more than willing to write for it! Hopefully this answered your question <3

TW:Mentions Death, Depictions of Violence, Implied Violence, Suicide, Language, Infantilization, Minors DNI

—

It began slowly.

If you moved too quickly he would notice because he caught anything and everything. Watching you was a hobby of his and when you weren’t allowed to leave his sight, it was no surprise that he got good at it.

You didn’t come on too strong.

It was hard to imagine he’d have anything other than suspicion if you put on a lovey dovey act, throwing yourself into his arms and professing your love when you couldn’t stand the sight of him the week before. Couldn’t stand his words whether they called you selfish or repeated his desperate love. Couldn’t stand his hands as they grabbed at you, forcing you to comply while convincing himself that this was what you also wanted, you were just too blind to see it. Too angry.

The goddess knew what she was doing, tying your souls together and to fight a fate as destined as the two of yours?

It was foolish.

So you played the fool.

You let him think that you were slowly coming around to his way of thinking.

You couldn’t forget the look on his face when you actually apologized in the middle of a heated argument. He was yelling about the distance you were creating between the two of you, telling you that you weren’t letting your love and relationship grow if you were going to continue to treat him like a monster and you snapped an apology in his face.

It wasn’t sweet and demure, it didn’t even hold an ounce of regret, but it was an apology nonetheless and the last words he expected to come out of your mouth.

You crossed your arms, looking away from him and when it took him a moment to regain himself, telling you that he was grateful that you were finally seeing reason, you held back the vicious words you wanted to hurl into his face.

Oh, you loved when his face would twist in outrage or hurt or better yet a mix of the two.

It meant nothing good for you or for your body the next day leading to the week after but sometimes you couldn’t ignore the momentary satisfaction of letting him know just how you felt.

But you would endure. You would wait and bide your time for the one thing you’d wanted to do since you’d memorized the number of cracks in each of the four walls, restarting your count whenever he blew his top, taking his anger out on them instead of you.

Tasman was smart. He was suspicious when the two of you began to argue less, a questioning look piercing your body.

You didn’t yell until you lost your voice, you didn’t give him the silent treatment, or call him an awful monster, no.

He was right.

Yes, you were being selfish for refusing the gift that was his presence.

You were inconsiderate for not thanking him for stealing you away from your life, ruining any chance you had at peace and true happiness.

He was so right when he told you that he knew what was best for the two of you and that when you denied it, you didn’t really know what you were saying. You were just confused.

Selfish, inconsiderate, confused. Keeping up the facade was harder than you thought it’d be.

Whenever he came to you, upset about something you did or some affection you didn’t give, you just mumbled out an apology, going back to doing whatever it was you were doing.

Tasman felt complex. He didn’t understand why one moment he couldn’t get through to you and the next you understood what he’d been trying to get across so desperately for months. When he finally asked, you told him that you were tired of arguing. You were tired of not being happy. That maybe you had overreacted when he came back. That despite him not being able to get it right for the first eight lives the two of you spent together it would only hurt the two of you further if you continued to bring up the past. You wanted to move on, to start anew. To give the two of you a chance.

You couldn’t explain the look on his face.

It was hopeful. It was… something you might have fallen for had you not already come so far.

It took some time getting used to your willing affection.

He’d stiffen when you’d lean against him when the two of you were riding a horse to your next destination, not twisting in uncomfortable ways to avoid him. You accepted the meals he brought to you, going so far to make him tea when he seemed stressed. You didn’t stray too far away from the camp and when you did you didn’t throw a tantrum, telling him that he needed to give you space or that he was suffocating you. His hands were hesitant when they touched you but his desire quickly made him comfortable. You no longer sneered or pulled away, you would rest in his arms when he held you. Something he could only dream about the last few months. But his dream were becoming a reality.

A part of him was suspicious, afraid that this was too good to be true that your behavior was a front to attempt another plan of escape but the other part of him, the hopeful part of him wanted to believe.

You wanted to be with him. You wanted to be happy with him.

Lost in thought, he smiled when you came over, serving him your usual herbal tea. You said it was meant to relax him, and he’d definitely felt as if he was on cloud nine. Maybe being able to pull you into his lap as he did, was apart of his feeling of floating on air but he didn’t think about it too deeply.

“Lover?” he began, resting his chin on your shoulder.

You hummed, your usual response whenever he required your attention.

What was he going to say?

He felt like this was good to be true. He felt as if this was all a ruse and that you were hiding something deeper, something more sinister.

Sure he felt off, but maybe he was just second guessing himself. Maybe everything was fine and he just couldn’t imagine happiness for himself. Maybe it had been so long that it seemed impossible but the two of you had nothing if not hope. Hope that you could finally get it right this time. Hope that you could understand a fraction of the feelings he has for you, even if you couldn’t return them… right now.

“It’s nothing.” he said after a long pause, heaving out a sigh. “Just promise me something?”

Humming again, he gripped you tighter before saying, “Promise me that we’ll always be together like this.”

There was a short pause, he felt a small inkling of fear that grew insurmountably in the time it took for you to respond, but he let out a breath of relief that didn’t quite ease his worries when you finally said,

“I promise.”

~*~

Tasman woke up and immediately knew that something was wrong.

He’d been tired but he’d never felt anything like this. His body was heavy like lead, each muscle refusing to move and his eyes were heavy with exhaustion. It took all the strength in his body to blink and when his vision finally cleared he saw shadows dancing across the ceiling.

His hearing might have been the one sense that hadn’t been impeded because he could hear the familiar song you used to sing when the two of you were younger. It’d been so long since the last time he’d heard it.

It took a considerable amount of strength to turn his head and when he saw you, sitting in your familiar corner on the windowsill he felt his heart ache to call out to you, but it was difficult to swallow, to speak.

You stopped humming when you heard his breathing turn ragged.

Turning around, he didn’t like the unconcerned look in your eyes as you watched him.

“You’re awake?”

“What… what did you do to me?”

Your expression didn’t change, glancing back towards the window as you pulled your legs closer.

“I was worried that I’d get caught. I knew you were suspicious, but there wasn’t much I could do about that.”

“What did you do?” he asked, voice lacking his usual seething tone due to whatever you had done. He’d been too close to you for you to make deals with any dark mages. The time and effort it took would be too long, too strenuous and too obvious.

This couldn’t be magic.

“Did you know the goddess created an entirely new system for your body?” you asked, voice curious as you rested your head on your knees. “It should’ve been obvious. Your body is impervious to the heat, cold, wind, sand, or snow, and most physical and magical attacks do nothing to hurt you.”

You frowned, “It’s unfair. It’s no wonder the demon king never defeated you in any of our past lives.”

Tasman’s breath was ragged. He didn’t want to know. Gritting his teeth, he said, “Answer me.”

Looking at him, he was unnerved with how unbothered you were. “I tested it out. How much poison I could feed you without you noticing before it started having an effect but it never worked. But of course I should’ve figured that lethal doses in regular people would do nothing to you.”

You laughed, humorless and dry as you shook your head. “Do you know the trouble I went to to make sure you wouldn’t pick up on it? And you were too eager at the opportunity of a relationship that you let me do it.”

“You-You can’t hurt me. Whatever you did I’ll-”

You shook your head, almost disgusted.

“Tasman, this was never about hurting you.”

He watched as your feet slid down the windowsill, light illuminating the edges of your body. You took slow, measured steps as you spoke, a whisper of a smile on your face.

“I prayed to the goddess that you wouldn’t feel it. That there was a chance, that for once in one of my lives I’d get what I wanted.” You felt yourself get emotional as you recalled everything you’d been through. “I waited for you. I wanted you to love me and I couldn’t have it. I wanted a new life and I couldn’t have it. I’ve tried everything, Tasman and you know what I've noticed. You were the reason for every misstep.”

He tried shaking his head, tried telling you what he really meant what you meant to him.

“I’m trying, I’ll try just please-”

You shook your head, the humorless laugh almost floating from your body.

“It doesn’t matter. Do you really think that if you were willing to make things work it wouldn’t have happened by now? In any of our lives? It’s the goddess’s desire that we remain together and yet we can never make it work. You wouldn’t listen to me no matter how much I cried, screamed, protested that this wasn’t right. That you were hurting me.”

His throat was tight with emotion, pleading almost begging in the raspy tone of his.

“Please, I’m sorry.” He didn’t know what was triggering his senses that something was wrong. It could’ve been whatever you had drugged him with but he had an ominous premonition.

“You aren’t. If you were, we wouldn't be here right now and I wouldn’t have had to repeat myself so many times.”

Shaking your head, he finally noticed the glint against the silver metal, watching as it raced before you put the hilt of the blade against your head.

“You don’t listen. You don’t care what I have to say. I throw tantrums as far as you’re concerned. And the minute I leave you drag me back and treat me like a petulant child, scolding me for leaving your side.”

You didn’t know if you were talking to yourself or if this was for him but you couldn’t stop.

“When I want you, you want nothing to do with me and when I want nothing to do with you, I can’t get two seconds without you breathing down my neck.”

“What-”

“I want nothing to do with you and yet I have to force myself to tolerate your existence, tolerate you touching me, choke on the words you force down my throat just for the chance that you’d leave me alone long enough to find the right herb. Just long enough to not notice what I mixed in your drinks.”

His froze in realization. How long had you planned this?

“And it finally worked.” You smiled, coming near the bedside and crouching in front of him. You could see the anger in his eyes up close without fear that he’d lash out at you.

“How could you do this to me?”

You gave him a mock pout, cocking your head to the side. “Poor Tasman. It must’ve been so rough getting everything you ever wanted. Everyone’s love and affection, the power of the world at your fingertips, even my love!” For the first time you got angry. “You had my fucking love in your hands and you crushed it. You treated me as if I didn’t matter to you. And I guess at the end of the day, I don’t.” A harsh laugh escaped from your lips as you narrowed your eyes on him. “I’m no hero. There aren’t millions of people who are relying on me to defeat the big bad demon king. There wouldn't be riots in the street if I up and disappeared and there won’t be, because it isn’t the case for you. You won’t disappear. You’ll just keep coming up with new ways to make sure I’ll never be able to escape from you and they won’t bat an eye. Because you matter to people. You matter. Even if you’d abandon them the next day for your own selfish greed.”

“What are you going to do with that?” he asked, understanding his meaning when his eyes looked at the blade in your hand.

You sneered, narrowing your eyes as you said, “Don’t worry. This isn’t for you.”

It didn’t take him long to figure out what you meant.

“Don’t. This is stupid. We’ll just start over and I’ll know. Let’s just work this out and we can-”

Standing, you brushed off your clothes, the gesture nervous as you looked down at the sharp blade.

“It was never about you.” you said quietly. You gave a small smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

He was getting desperate. He couldn’t threaten you, he couldn’t beg or plead or say anything to convince you against this.

“You promised.”

There was a pause and for a moment he felt that maybe you’d reconsider. That you’d realize that your behavior was hysterical and that you take a moment to calm down.

“I did and I’ll keep my promise.”

Looking at him, you shook your head.

“You said it yourself. We’ll just start over.”

The slow realization in his eyes was enough.

“I want you to live with what you did to me. I want you to know that I'll never let you hurt me again.”

It happened before he could say anything.

Your movements were sharp and jerky, stumbling after plunging the blade into your throat.

He felt his soul cry out, begging his body to move, pleading to the goddess that he’d give anything, sacrifice anything if he could just get to you in this moment. He could heal you if you would just come a little closer, but you staggered against the windowsill, moving farther away, staring at him as you began to choke on your blood.

He watched you suffer, watched your body twitch and fight against the pain, and watched as you finally went still. Leaning against the side of the windowsill, still staring at him.

Tasman couldn’t move.

His body wouldn’t listen to him. He felt tears slide down the side of his face as he choked on a strangled cry.

He couldn’t move.

He felt the overwhelming, aching desire to cradle you in his arms. To hold you close. To wipe the blood away from your face. To shut your accusing eyes but he couldn’t move.

Whatever you had given him kept him in a docile state. Kept him still and feeling too guilty to look away from your eyes. Your soulless eyes. He could tell. He felt as if something was missing from his own as he continued to stare into the eyes missing life, the eyes he’d watch fade quickly.

Too quickly.

#yandere #yandere oc #yandere x you #male yandere #yandere x gn reader #yandere x darling #yandere x reader #yandere male #ask #gn reader #yan!tasman #yandere hero #hero yandere

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hopefulfuturenovelauthor · 1 year

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Headcanons of what's like to date Bruce, Dick, Jason, Martian, Wally, and Clark?

Hi, sorry for taking so long, but I am very grateful for your patience!

Here you go...

Headcanons of what's like to date Bruce, Dick, Jason, Martian, Wally, and Clark?

I would like to state that I’m assuming you meant Martian Manhunter and not Miss Martian, but in the case that I am wrong and you meant Miss Martian let me know and I’ll add her to this or write a super-long essay of your guy’s relationship or something!

As always please do not copy my work in any way, shape, or form. Thanks!

Warnings: none i think... not spell checked...

Bruce Wayne

Dating Bruce Wayne? Gotham’s favorite Billionaire and the Batman? Wow, good luck.

There is a lot of angsty shit in your relationship. Keep in mind it’s not like you guys have like crazy issues or anything, not to say that the Joker isn’t a crazy issue, but I mean that you don’t actually fight with each other a lot.

You disagree quite a bit considering you watch him on monitors and he goes out and actually gets hurt, but all of that frustration and worry comes from a place of care.

However, you didn’t talk to him for days when he decided to let Dick join him in the field. You were beyond upset, especially since you knew the dangers of crime-fighting yourself, seeing as you used to be a vigilante.

Regardless of that, it was Dick that convinced you to cut Bruce some slack. Eventually, you came to agree with the teenager, but only after you kicked Bruce where the sun doesn’t shine.

On a nicer note, definitely lots of gifts coming from his end even though he is called the dark knight.

Even when you were both playing hero and he didn’t know who you were under the mask he gave you little gadgets. You two had also met outside of hero-ing and in your real lives where he constantly graced you with the treat of coffee and/or donuts.

He likes to get you nice treats and sweets. He knows you don’t care for expensive gifts, especially since you work for a lot of nonprofits.

As for PDA on a scale, I will give you a 7.5/10. A solid 2.5 for physical affection such as hand holding, forehead kisses, whispering in each other's ears, and being a little too close to each other but not so close that you freak out everyone else around you.

As for that leftover 5 on the scale, holy shit do you guys never shut up. The constant flirting is where most of this score comes from. Saying embarrassing and inappropriate shit anywhere and everywhere is common with you. You tease each other relentlessly and enjoy seeing the other squirm. It can be quite uncomfortable for others around you, but you tend to keep the more spicy comments quieter, which leads to all of your odd whisperings.

You sort of live with him…? You guys are most often at his place, but you did decide to keep your own just because you wanted something that you paid for and could afford unlike his gigantic fucking manor.

Bruce cares for you deeply and understands why you want to keep your independence and have at least something of your own, especially considering that you guys work together often.

You are close with all of his family, including each kid he adopts, takes in, or has under his proverbial wing. In fact, you kind of think they prefer you over him, or at the very least Jason definitely does.

It might also be common sense now that Alfred also likes you more than Bruce because, in your guys' relationship, you have all of the brain cells and are logical.

You both can be impulsive and rude. You both can come across as very blunt and private people. You work well together despite everything.

You were very glad in the end that you both found someone so supportive and understanding.

You both were also glad that you had the guts to kiss him because, honestly, he was never going to make the first move without it being an epic disaster.

Dick Grayson

Yay! Okay, this guy and you wow. May I just say couple goals here. Like yes, wonderful, perfect together.

Will you go off on someone for hurting his feelings? Count on it. Whether it is physically fighting or verbally berating someone, you also support everyone’s favorite Blue Bird.

Cute nicknames? Yes, as I stated previously, Blue-Bird, you know because he had been Robin and then he became Nightwing, and Nightwing’s suit is black and blue. Also, his eyes are blue and they look so pretty you could stare at them all day. Also, often used but none as creative as Blue-Bird, sweetheart, darling, cutey, and love.

His pet names for you, are Darling, beautiful, sweetie, bundle of too much adorableness, most wonderful human being to ever exist, my reason for getting out of bed every morning, and love. It is obviously a wonderful mixture of names, and yes, sometimes you do worry about him.

I mean how could you not, you were there since he became Robin, you comforted him through every phase, from being a rebellious teen by denouncing Bruce, becoming Nightwing, forming his own group of heroes, and making the obvious mistake of wearing tights as a part of his costume (that one was particularly hard for you).

I will now rate your PDA, congrats you have received a 6/10. You guys like to give small face kisses (forehead, top of the head, cheek, nose, temple, etc.), you guys give each other small pecks on occasion, and always say ‘I love you’ when one of you has to leave. You hold each other's hands a lot. You guys are very sweet and very wholesome. The only time you aren’t is when you get reunited after a long time (2+ weeks) or a life-threatening thing happens (which is pretty often, I’m not going to lie).

When you reunite do you share that time slowed down and you are running to each other with the wind in your hair moment before frantically grasping one another to share a passionate kiss.

Sometimes he will tickle you and pick you up just to spin with you. This happens quite a lot and the two of you often have tickle fights.

You get along with his family, but you have no trouble standing up to them for him. You will fist fight with Jason and tell Tim to ‘shut up and go to sleep’. If Damian starts talking crap you won’t physically hit the child, but you will steal away his pets with treats, which annoys him because food > him.

You will scream at Bruce if necessary. Dick and his adoptive siblings will have to physically pick you up to get you away from the situation.

You guys never fight, except when you eat the last of each other’s ice cream.

Jeez, you two are so cute together.

Jason Todd

You met early on but got together a few years after his death.

He used to annoy the shit out of you, but the events involving the Joker led you both in the same direction.

You both have a better understanding of each other than anyone else. You are field partners and the only real anti-heroes of Gotham.

You were quick to share an apartment once you both learned each other’s civilian names.

It is easier than you both expected to fall into a rhythm, which only made it easier to go from something platonic to something romantically domestic.

You never seemed to get in each other's way and could somehow calm the other down when the world became a little too quiet or loud. You both rarely slept in the separate beds you had brought and maneuvered into the one bedroom. In fact, neither of you really slept on a bed.

Most nights you stayed up as late as you could and either returned home and passed out on the couch or watched tv till 3 am, cuddling, and passed out on the couch.

You guys are a little different than others. PDA is more of healthy ways to deal with trauma mixed with a little codependency (but nothing terrible, sometimes shit just gets hard for you both and you have some really off days). Hand holding, back rubs, hugs, and playing with each other's hair and hands are just ways to calm each other.

But back to PDA. Yes. 9/10. You will both totally make out in front of other people spontaneously without a care in the world. He tends to initiate it, but you certainly never have an issue with it.

After all of the shit you two have been through you don’t really care about other people’s comfort around you because you feel safe with each other and are each other's security blankets.

Pet names are definitely common. It is probably the most annoying thing he does when you work together fighting crime. You always hated how he was so arrogant and acted childish when he was Robin. Now he just calls you pet names and flirts ceaselessly with you while you fight together. He will call you sweetheart, darling, beautiful, gorgeous, love, my love, love of my life, and more when you are in the field. He calls you them outside of your night shift too, but that does not annoy you at all.

You tend to use many of the back, if not all of them, because he means just as much to you.

He always makes the most adorable face when you cradle his head and call him beautiful. Like this is the softest he will ever be with someone else and he just looks so small and cute and in need of a hug.

If he annoys you, expect gifts in the form of food and drinks. If you annoy him, expect to give him extra hugs and books.

Yes, you read together, cuddling. Typically different books, but he acts as your personal heater and you love it.

Coffee shop dates, take-out-stay-in dates, and video game dates are to be expected. Also, pastries on top of buildings in the middle of the night are a great pastime.

Also, one last thing, just to mention, you are the only one allowed to use or even touch his guns.

Martian Manhunter

Telepathically communicating, yayyyyyyyy! Okay maybe too soon with that one. But really, expect to be snorting in a silent room as everyone looks at you like you're crazy except for him because he’s smiling fondly at your reaction.

You two are very sweet together. You help the Justice League with PR stuff, so you talk with the group of heroes all the time.

You often work with the big names and more controversial people in the League, but you work with everyone when you need to.

Also, J’onn can fly so expect to be carried in his arms all the time. He won’t even think about it twice because why would he take you somewhere in a car when he can literally swoop you off your feet bridal style and fly off as you look up at him in complete adoration.

For the moment you’ve all been waiting for, PDA rating. I would say 3/10 in public and 6/10 in private. By that I mean outside world public and the justice hall, mount olympus, etc. as private. In your guy’s place he’s just a cuddle bug or a second cat because yes he bought you a cat for one of your anniversaries.

He cooks you dinner. You join him often, but like he loves to cook you dinner. You think it is really sweet, but he also loves to learn different earthly activities. That and M’gann sends him recipes she thinks you’ll like (and you always love them).

You once made him chocolate cake by the way and now he has a new favorite thing. He loves it and didn’t stop talking about it for months.

He likes to hold your hands a lot. Sometimes when one of you is stressed the other reaches out in hopes of grounding them before they overthink. It’s very sweet and you both love the gesture.

You sort of also took M’gann under your wing when she first arrived and it melted yours and J’onn’s hearts when she first called you her aunt/uncle. At this point you're like the mom of the YJ and the go to friend for the league. It’s all very sweet but sometimes J’onn feels like the League is hogging you and ‘has to’ drag you away from everyone quite literally, which goes a little something like this:

“Oh, but J’onn, I was having a lovely conversation with Bruce.” “Oh, I’m very sorry, Y/n, but we really have to go,” as he starts to pull you out of the room. “Alright, sorry Bruce we can talk, more some other time?” Once you both make it out of the room you release a breath, “Dinner?” “Yes.” “Great because I’m hungry and Bruce was gnawing my ear off.” After that you both just laugh.

Dinner goes great by the way and you share chocolate cake at the end before going home to cuddle with your cat and watch baking and cooking shows.

Wally West

Just to get it out there, you show your guys affection through food and physical touch

You make Wally whatever you can cook and make a lot of it for his boosted metabolism. You also order extra pizza for him.

He tries to bake you your favorite desserts but sometimes lacks the patience and other times he eats half of it.

He typically just always buys you your favorite snacks and desserts. Even then he always ‘sneaks’ a bite.

Your PDA is surprisingly low, but as he matures it definitely increases. Like Dick had told you all those years ago it took a while to get used to Wally eating.

I would rate you a 2/10 at the beginning of your relationship and an 8/10 when at your best. (basically Young Justice S1 Wally compared to S2)

You are always touching each other. I don’t mean in an inappropriate way, but considering it is Wally that isn’t unheard of, just not often done in public.

On top of that, he will carry you everywhere, superspeed, normal speed it does not matter. Hand holding always, hugging always. He just wants physical contact. And piggy backs.

But like also, his pickup lines. I repeat his pickup lines. They are so cheesy and corny and you find them endearing somehow. I mean I do too, he is a sweetheart so yeah.

He treats you so well too. Your well-being matters so much to him and if you need something, he will be there in like 3 seconds regardless of where he is.

Nicknames should be expected: whatever you do, whatever you like he finds a way to make it a nickname. He does use babe a lot, but it feels a little basic so he comes up with new one's all the time. Sometimes they stick and other times you choke on air, but the scientific method says that you will fail and retry so it doesn’t phase him.

For the record though, he is Wally so a lot of his nicknames are food based: honey, cupcake, sugar cube, sweet potato, and more.

If you nerd out with him he will never, I repeat, never let you go.

Also if you wear his merch he will be all over you. Depending on the situation and the place it might get a little spicy, but in most cases he will wrap his arms around your middle and just hold you tightly as he falls back into a chair or couch or something. He will not let you go and will nuzzle his face into your neck for hours. For someone that is so fast and gets bored so easily, he will never want any of this to end.

Clark Kent

Yeah, you know. You knew. You were well aware of who he was. One single pair of glasses did not fool you. I mean, you didn’t say anything until like the seventh date, but you knew.

Yay, lucky you are normal, in fact, you do not play hero in your free time, but you do have some abilities.

You blame the particle accelerator explosion that occurred in your last home for your abilities. But they were easy to hide and really helped with your job.

You are a psychologist/part-time therapist. You met Clark through an interview you did about the effects of the most recent attack in Metropolis on the citizens' mental health. You had to fight for this article to even exist, but you did so because you could feel the fear that radiated throughout it.

You did everything you could to provide as much help and information as you could on the topic. Clark had been the photographer for the interview and you both immediately hit it off.

He asked you out to dinner when you stopped by his office to discuss doing another article. Clark said that to celebrate the occasion he could take you out if you wanted.

You said yes because free dinner was nice and he seemed like a good guy, so you thought why the heck not?

Of course, the date went well and you highly enjoyed his company. He asked you out again and said yes.

On your third date, he had to leave early for whatever reason, and then a minute later Superman flew by and started to stop a robbery a block away. Interested, you got as close as you could and were very shocked when you saw Superman’s face.

You didn’t mention it, but he had the same aura with the slightest bit of guilt that you thought was likely toward leaving you mid-date.

Once he knew you knew he eased up a lot and told you all about his past and Krypton and his powers and his hero-ing.

You guys have great communication, which is in part due to your empathic abilities. You can always tell when something bothers him and he is more than willing to talk through whatever troubles him. You do the same understanding that you both thrive off of honesty with each other.

Conversation always comes easy.

Some activities you like to do together are going out for dinner, movie nights, baking, picnic dates, and annoying Bruce Wayne.

Your PDA scale would be like a 4/10 at most. You are very sweet with each other, but sometimes you both find it odd being extra coupley with others around you. Since Clark has super hearing he can tell when people are uncomfortable and since you have your empath abilities you can feel it too. Other people’s moods also affect yours in general so the more people there are the more overwhelmed you feel so you try to avoid anything more than a quick peck on the cheek.

However, it is still very obvious you two are together because you spend a lot of time with each other and go to lunch together basically every day.

Around the Justice League, you can be a little more open with your affections but you both still prefer privacy.

Nicknames: yes. There are some of the basics: darling, dear, love, etc. Clark particularly likes calling you my dear and you enjoy calling him sweetheart. Sometimes you joke around when he enters a room and you say, “It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s my boyfriend, Clark Kent.”

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kainyte · 6 months

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you're all i have left ⎯ ft. childe angst bcs idk what else to do w my life pt. O1 : pt. O2

the fatui harbingers lead dangerous lives, including childe. with his newborn son, it's getting harder and harder to keep everyone safe. and as much as it pains him he might just have to leave. and so he did, but as his time comes to a close, he just wants to see his lover one more time.

notes : part 2 because yall made me feel bad :,) tags: @solarrclxud @childesbimbo @linnyta @ari-sheizou srry if unwanted i jst tagged everybody who commented on part one hjskfhdjg

1 year and 40 days. That's how long it's been since you'd last seen Ajax. And yet, every night you'd miss the warmth of him and how comforting his embrace felt.

Your son is now 3 years old.

You’ve raised your son all by yourself. Every night you tell him about his father and how wonderful he is. You tell him of how much Ajax loves him, even if Ajax isn’t there to do so himself.

You’ve struggled to pick up the pieces of a broken life in Ajax’s absence. The first few months were spent waiting in agony to see if he returned, if he’d come home.

But as days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, you started to lose hope. And finally, one night, as a final piece of yourself drifted away, you accepted it. Ajax was gone. It would be difficult to move on, but you had a son who needed you more than ever with a father’s touch missing.

The air in the room is still. Only a light breeze makes its way through the window, and the curtains to sway in the wind. The moonlight glows through the window and paints the room in a dark glow

Your eyes are heavy with sleep, but your mind is awake and buzzing with memories of your husband. So many happy memories. So many moments. The laughter. The joy. The love.

A gentle knock at the door breaks the silence. Your eyes flutter as you come back to the present. As if your thoughts about Ajax summoned someone to the door.

It hurts. Every time someone knocks at the door, you don't know who it is. Your heart jumps to the thought of it being your husband returning, but it never is.

The knocking comes again. Someone is clearly desperate to have your attention.

You sit up in bed and rub your eyes, trying to wake up quickly and answer the door. Was your mind playing tricks on you in your sleep or is someone actually here?

You stand up and hurry to the door. Slowly, you put your hand around the handle and twist it.

Your heart jumps to your throat, and it beats so fast you can hear it against your ears. What if it really is Ajax?

Please be him.

You hear the knocking again. A gentle but persistent tap. Like a knock from… no, no it couldn’t be. Not him. You know Ajax is gone. He had left.

“Just a sec!” You call out as you get out of bed. With a slight shake, you start to walk towards the door. Slowly. Like this moment is everything to you. As if you’re trying to delay the inevitable.

Slowly, you twist the door open. And…

It’s him.

It’s Ajax.

Ajax stands in the doorway, arms crossed, with a stoic and silent expression on his face. He looks the same, just like how you remembered him.

“Darling,” he says softly, “come out. We need to talk.”

His words sound as emotionless as always but his gaze on you speaks volumes. You feel a mix of emotions. Happiness, relief, panic, but most of all… fear.

You can’t feel anything, “Ajax.” You can see your body tremble, but you don’t feel it. Your vision goes blurry, presumably from how you’re tearing up.

He walks over, taking your hand in his.

“Darling, look at me.” His eyes meet yours. His expression is soft, worried, “Why are you crying?”

The question makes you scoff.

“Why am I crying?” Of all the questions he could ask, why does he choose that. You take a breath, your heart beating rapidly in your chest. Then, slowly, you look up at him, meeting his gaze for a moment… before looking away.

“It’s too much, Ajax. It’s been too long.”

“It has been too long, darling,” he says softly. “And I’m sorry…”

He pauses.

“Do you remember why I had to leave?” He asks calmly, a hint of regret in his tone.

His question makes you look back at him. He’s watching you intently, waiting for a reply. Waiting for the answer you’re afraid to give…

"I remember." you mumble. Your gaze never leaves his face, its has been too long.

Ajax swallows hard. He already knows your answer but he wants to hear it.

He wants to know the pain you went through. He wants to feel guilty. He wants to beg. He wants his heart to break all over again. He wants the chance to make it up to you, however he can.

And he's going to make you say it.

“Tell me,” he whispers, his voice breaking a little. He can’t hide the desperation, the pain. “Tell me why I had to leave.”

He sighs when you don’t respond.

“Darling,” he says, “I never wanted to leave you…”

Your heart breaks when you see the remorse in his eyes. The remorse for all the time he’s missed with you and your son. For all the moments he shouldn’t have been away.

“But…”

His words are followed by a silence. One that makes you feel the weight of the world sitting on your shoulders. You want to beg him to stay. You want him to stay even if it means he has to leave again.

“But you know I had to.”

“Ajax,” you whisper, “please. ”

"So do you understand?" He asks. He's not trying to be cruel, but you can hear the fear in his voice. The fear that you'll reject him, kick him out, or something worse.

"Darling, please, just answer me. Do you understand why I had to leave?"

You can see the desperation in his eyes and for the first time, you understand what he's trying to tell you. The fear he's experiencing. The dread. It's like he's reliving that day one year ago when he had to leave you.

"I understand Ajax."

You look at him and, archons, how you’ve missed him.

Ajax smiles at me and lets out a strained laugh, "Darling, I've gotten weaker. I had a feeling that..." He trails off and when you look back at him there are tears in his eyes.

He tries to stifle his tears. He's not usually so open with his emotions but after all you've been through, he doesn't want to hide from you anymore. He looks at you with pure, unfiltered love. And you can't hold back any more.

You move towards him, closing the distance between you two. You hug him tight, burying your head in his chest and letting out a soft sob. Ajax holds you back the same way, his breath shuddering with each exhale. You lean back and just look at each other, both of you filled with joy and relief... and fear.

"I think this might be the last time we'll be able to see eachother." Ajax whispers, "I just- you know what my job comes with. I've gotten weaker, this delusion, it's draining me.."

Tears stream down his face.

"Don't say that," you whisper in response. He's so weak. So much weaker than you remember him. The months of isolation seem to have taken a toll on him.

The thought of losing him again fills your chest, you're practically overflowing with dread.

"Don't do this to me, Ajax," you whisper again. "You're my life. I would be happy to end mine just to be with you forever."

You're half joking of course, but with the way your heart aches for him... you're not so sure how much of it was kidding after all.

Ajax kisses your forehead, looking at you with tears in his eyes. "Darling-" he starts. Before he can finish his sentence, you stop him by placing your finger on his lips.

"No," you say softly, "I don't want to hear what you have to say. I'm not losing you. I lost half of myself when you left. If I lose you again, I'll lose all of myself."

Your voice isn't soft anymore. It's hard and resolute, "I'm keeping you this time, Ajax."

#💤 . . . ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁 (᎑ ᎑)#💤 . . . library #childe #tartaglia #childe x reader #childe angst #genshin x reader #genshin angst #genshin #genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact angst #genshin impact childe #genshin childe #原神

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eddiemuonson · 7 months

Text

Taste this Moment - Steve Harrington x f!Reader

Summary: You wake up next to Steve after having too much booze, without any memory of the night before. You have a secret behind your excuse of telling people you were a virgin.

Warnings: Slight mention of sexual abuse, smut, flufiness, cursing. 18+ DNI

Word count: 3.9k

You woke up with a crushing headache, the pain was pounding all over your head as you tried to adjust your sight to the light coming from the window.

You had just realized you were laying on a bed that wasn't yours, along with someone who seemed to be deep into their sleep on your side.

There was a party the other night you went to with your friends, everyone included besides the kids, obviously. You knew you had a lot of alcohol, but now you weren't sure how you ended up there.

Only then you noticed you were wearing your lingerie and nothing else, the body next to you moved and you realized it was Steve Harrington.

Oh shit, what have you done? You let a groan out of your mouth as Steve uncovers himself, leaving his bare hairy chest on sight.

He was only wearing his boxers and it came to you the only possible answer to that was something you were definitely not expecting to be.

If it happened, how would you feel knowing your first time was with Steve and, on top of that, you couldn't remember shit?

You looked at each other trying to collect memories from the night before but it was just all blank. Fuck. You let out an ironic chuckle and he raised his eyebrow to you.

"Did we have sex? Because I don't remember a thing. And shit, this is beyond fucked up", you say as you start looking for any piece of clothing only to find a t-shirt that wasn't yours.

"I'm not sure", he said as he gets up and starts looking for his own clothes.

"Okay Harrington, but what could've made us do that besides the alcohol?".

"Uh, ouch?", he looked at you and mourned. "Am I not good enough for that?"

"I didn't mean it that way. I want to know what lead us to Nancy's bedroom", you couldn't find any pants in there so you went to the wardrobe, but you didn't want to steal them.

"This isn't her room", his tone could barely be heard and you scoffed.

"So we fucked. In a bedroom that isn't hers. What else?", you try to stay focused on not snapping.

"I don't think this not being her bedroom is the issue here, (Y/N). Now, how are you so sure we had sex?", he fixed his hair in front of the mirror and stared at you through it.

You were almost naked, sure. But you and Steve didn't even have a thing, you never kissed. You never even had a date. You were just friends, not that close, even.

Why, on earth, would you have sex in someone's bedroom either way?

"Our clothes are missing, for starters. We had a lot of alcohol, most people become vulnerable when they drink a lot", you explained.

"I'm pretty sure I would remember having sex. I always wear protection", Harrington sounded like he was somewhat hurt.

He started looking for his wallet but his jeans weren't even there. Maybe he was actually making a good point.

"So tell me. Why would it be so terrible to have sex with me?", he asked as he sat on the bed.

"It's because I've never actually had sex before", you couldn't even look at him. You thought he would laugh at you, make fun of you.

"Ohhh", he responded. "Well, if it's any comfort, sometimes first times aren't even that good".

"That doesn't help shit, Steve!". You worshiped your body too much to fuck someone else, or do that anywhere at any time.

"Shit. I'm sorry, really. I don't think we really did it", he made sure he was comforting you.

You were about to cry. You were too sentimental, you didn't want your first time to be like that. He isn't the problem, the situation is.

"Promise you'd wear protection?", you ask shyly. He gives you an honest chuckle.

"I always do. That's not an issue for me", he reassured you.

Somehow you found yourself feeling softness for him, for the way he usually treats other girls and the way he was being gentle to you.

"I'm sorry I overreacted", you bit your lower lip and he gave you a side smile.

"That's fine. I understand how people care for their first time", Steve rested his hand on your shoulder.

After a while you found your clothes drying in the backyard, which made you both confused, actually. Nancy explained you both and other people jumped in the pool at some point.

You slept with your lingerie because that was the only piece of clothing that dried faster. She also told you Steve slept with you because you were feeling sick.

But still, you couldn't remember a thing from the other night. Neither did him, he just wasn't feeling sick because he was used to having a lot of alcohol.

He made a mental note to not ever drink that much anymore.

"You keep my shirt on. It looks good on you anyway", he said before you changed the fabric.

You couldn't hold a smile at him and he mirrored you.

"I'll give it back soon".

♥️♥️♥️♥️

You arrived at the Family Video holding his folded shirt and a few VHS you had rented. It was a Monday morning and the place always had a few people in.

Steve and Robin were working hard already and they barely saw you coming. But as soon as he crossed eyes with you, he made a gesture meaning he would be with you in a moment.

Harrington stood against the counter as you placed the tapes above it along with his clothing.

"Thank you. How were the movies? Did you like the teddy bears?", he asked playfully. He knew he was making an old joke.

"They're Ewoks. And Star Wars is amazing. You should watch it sometime", you laughed.

"Maybe we could make a movie night with the others and watch it", he offered.

"That sounds like a good idea", you smile.

"I was wondering if we could meet for lunch. I've got a few things I remember from the other night". Steve looked a bit shy, especially knowing how weird it was when you woke up next to each other after too much alcohol.

"Uh, I thought Nancy explained you took care of me because I was sick?", you were beyond confused.

"Yeah, you were. But there were some other things. Don't worry though, they're not about you being.. you know".

"If you say so. I'll meet you at the diner then", you smiled before waving him goodbye.

It was 20 past midday when you entered the diner and spotted him sitting on a table close to the door. He was sipping on a cup of soda as you approached him and took a seat.

Steve was actually practicing how he would start this conversation without being too invasive. His memories were a bit foggy but he remembered something really important you told him. And it was actually about your sex life.

He didn't realize he spent about a minute dozing off, only to see you snapping your fingers in front of him.

"Vecna caught you there?", you try to make a dry joke and he rolls his eyes. "I'm sorry, I got carried away".

"Those bats almost ate me alive, alright?", he sounded offended but he let that go. "Look, the reason we actually woke up together was because I took you there so you could rest".

"You were really drunk, almost passing out on the toilet after you threw up, so I took you there. We were already wet from the pool so I just didn't care about the underwear, really".

You were paying attention to the details, you could barely remember anything from that night, not even vomiting your guts out from the booze.

"But when I put you in the bed, you started rambling about some guy you met in high school. I figured, since we were there alone, maybe you thought we were going to get some right there. You said he was nice to you but he.. corrupted you", Harrington were careful with the words as he tried to gather every little thing.

But for you, inside, it was like all the flashbacks from that day in middle school rushed back into your head. There was a reason you said you were a virgin to any guy you were about to get laid with.

There was a reason you were so defensive about your body when you realized you were in a bedroom with him.

And worse, you didn't remember anything. It was enough already to have been defenseless in a position you didn't want to anymore. The way that guy used to touch you made your skin crawl.

"Hey, are you okay with me telling you that? I mean, I can stop. I figure you already know what I'm talking about", Steve grabbed your hand carefully.

He was gazing at you with an intense look of compassion and it made your heart flinch. Not romantically, but because that was something you cherished about a guy.

"I, uh, I think it's fine. Did I talk about it too much?", you felt your eyes burning over the tears that wanted to fall but you held them back.

"You said he didn't take care of you. Said he made it feel like it was some kind of porno or something". Steve was an adult and that, for him, sounded pretty much like some disgusting weird kink.

Something he was never actually interested in, never actually found of. It hit you like a train wreck that you would say too much about something so personal to him, but you couldn't control the alcohol in your blood back then.

But the way he was reacting to it, and how he was talking about it made you realize he was too mature. It would actually make you feel less heavy from how you used to.

"Yeah. Gosh, that was like almost 8 years ago. I didn't tell many people about it. I went to therapy for a long time, but I guess that's something we don't get over with", you gave him a sick smile.

He was still rubbing your fingers with his thumb, just listening to you.

"You didn't seem like it. But I wasn't going to mention it to anyone either way. I just thought it would be decent if I let you know", Harrington was being such a gentleman to you and it melted you.

"Where have you been all my life, Steve?", you ask jokingly, but it catches him off guard as he smiles, shy.

"If you knew me back then, you'd see how much of a dick I was. Never to the point of being disgusting like that. But in more of a douchebag way", he responded and you both laughed.

He gave you a ride to work and it felt like the entire drive was filled with some embarrassment. It was too much of intimacy in such a short period of time there.

"Call me if you need a hero", he said before you left the car, giving you a smirk.

♥️♥️♥️♥️

You spent the entire week thinking about what in the holy hell made you remember that terrible, disgraceful day. It had distracted you most of the time, because you surely weren't intimate like that with Steve.

Maybe it was a sign of some sort of kind, maybe it was just because you can't keep your mouth shut when you drink too much. Either way, not remembering what you said gave you comfort. Because you didn't want to remember that.

You didn't want to replay it in your head again, how that day the guy you used to like made you feel like you were a playdoll. Worse than that, you didn't have a voice to stand out, so you let that happen.

It struck you how many guys you've met after that and, although they were really charming, polite and caring like Steve is, they couldn't get through you. They couldn't make themselves cross the other line, you never let them.

Maybe you shouldn't be thinking about how much you wanted to be taken care of by Harrington at that moment, but you were. You didn't give a shit if he wasn't going to make a big deal out of it, but you liked the idea.

You liked to think that, unlike you were thinking, he would definitely accept it and give you some comfort. Hell, even Eddie would, but you weren't thinking about him.

If you were to honestly give yourself to someone, maybe he was the better choice after all.

He made sure to check on you the past days, which made you feel soft for him. You laughed at your own thoughts. You never even looked at Steve that way.

When Friday came, you invited him over to have dinner and watch a movie. You were trying to introduce him to different genres and you were about to watch Lord of the Rings.

You lost track of time because you weren't actually paying any attention to the TV anymore, but you were also trying not to be too obvious.

"So that's Mordor Eddie was talking about. I had no idea he was-", Harrington cut himself as he caught you looking at him, you didn't have time to deviate. "What?", he chuckled.

"What, what?", you retorted, trying to look naive.

"Do I have something on my face?", Steve tried not to blush, because he noticed you WERE staring at him, like, deadly.

"Not that I can see". You were obviously not responding well to this. He moved his torso to face you and you started to burn.

"What happened?".

"What, can I not look?", you tried to be defensive and he smiled.

"Yeah, no, you're just looking too much", he was not cooperating. He didn't have any intention to either way. "Do you like the view at least?".

That caught you off guard and your face went as red as it could. You flushed so hard, you didn't have time to digest when he grabbed your chin.

"There's something that really gets me. It's how you always easily blush at things", he pointed out and your face started to burn. "Not that I look intensely like you do, but I notice it".

"Where are you getting at?", you question as you miscalculate his route and stares at him facing you only a few inches.

"Can I?", he whispered as he got closer to your mouth. Your entire body was now on fire and you felt your hands sweating. Holy mother of God, what is that?

Your buzzing ears didn't let you hear yourself when you agreed, but the way he tasted like beer left you lightheaded for the first few seconds. His cold tongue from the liquid explored yours and you shivered under his touch.

The hand that was once on your chin now rested against your cheek, as his other one grabbed your neck. He was definitely going to feel your skin shiver, but what the hell could you do?

Your mouths were in sync as you deepened the kiss and you couldn't express how you were feeling inside. It was obviously something you needed, mostly because you haven't kissed in a while. You just couldn't open yourself with ease for anyone.

Steve was soft, he would grasp your tongue between his teeth and roll his tongue around yours with tenderness. His cologne was beyond strong and it got stuck in your nostrils, making you crave for his taste even more.

He didn't want to rush you into anything, considering he knew your past, he didn't feel like he wanted to make you do anything unless you wanted to. But you really wanted to. You were craving for it and your core made sure you wanted it.

You started crawling above his body and sat with your legs across his, still moving your lips now feverishly. Harrington only stopped it halfway because he was surprised with your attitude.

"Are you sure?", he asked, his hands now both holding your waist. His soft brown eyes facing you with both desire and kindness. You nodded and he deepened the kiss once again.

You were the first to make him take his shirt off, still impressing you how his hairy chest was some piece of heaven. Not only did he notice you were eating him with your eyes, but he made sure to get rid of your own shirt.

The good thing about you sitting on his lap is that it was harder for him to get a boner, because you were pressing against his member.

He didn't have time to think of anything else before you snapped your lips against his again.

Steve was panting, his husky voice mumbling shy groans as you craved for each other. This time he rolled you around the floor, where your blankets were, and used his hands to travel against your warm body.

The heat between you grew alarming when you stared at his hard crotch, pressed against his jeans, begging to be loosen asap.

You grabbed it without warning and you heard him gasp against your mouth, your core flinching at his sounds.

Your soft but out of rhythm rubbing made him thrust against your hand, he was starting to lose his mind, and you noticed you didn't want this to wait any longer. You just needed to feel him, you needed to feel his warmth.

He gently stripped your sweatpants off and gave you sweet kisses on your inner thighs, across your stomach, your chest, until he reached your mouth.

You were out of breath just by the feel of his lips on you. He took his jeans off and gave you a dirty smile when he caught you looking, your cheeks were red by the sight of his cock.

You gave him a handjob before he could take his boxer off, he gasped for air as he just enjoyed your touch against his throbbing arousal, rubbing his hands against his hair.

The way he reacted to you made you feel like you were deserving, it made you feel like you were actually meaning something in this moment.

Steve wasn't a sex addict, he really enjoyed fucking, but this time with you was overwhelming, it was heart warming.

He leaned over to take your bra off and kissed you all over, nibbling on your skin as he threw the fabric away, which made you laugh. Steve was trying to make you feel comfortable, he needed to make sure you felt like you could trust him and not be afraid of him.

He didn't know your limits, he wasn't sure if he could eat your nipples like he wanted to, so he just kindly sucked on each and heard you deflate your lungs with all the air.

You arched your back when his cock rubbed against your core, both of you trying not to make obscene sounds.

"God, Steve", once again you melted down at his touch and he hummed. His tongue lingering on your nipples as he squeezed your tight harshly, his short nails digging on your skin.

When you couldn't take it anymore, you took your lingerie off while watching him do the same with his underwear after getting his wallet. Your heart fluttered at his action, it was adorable to see him show it off for you.

"Just to make sure", he stated as he started to wrap himself up. Harrington leaned on you again, placing his hard cock over your cunt, slightly spreading your slit.

"Are you okay with this?", he asked. You weren't really processing everything clearly and, again, you just nodded. "I'm not going hard on you", he warned you.

His tip gently entered your walls as you hissed against his ear. Steve didn't even want to hold back his moan as he dug into you fully. He just wasn't one to actually surpress his emotions and his vocals made sure of it.

The entire room was filled with soft noises and moans as he thrusted you kindly. Steve wanted to enjoy every inch of your core, but the pleasure of doing it so slowly actually made you flinch against him.

He let out a lout groan and it sent shivers down your spine. You couldn't remember the last time it was so delish, because you didn't want to remember the last time you actually had proper sex. It was probably just some banging out of your own frustration.

It was different with him, though. Because now that he knew about your trauma, he wouldn't want to do it roughly, he wanted you to remember his touch.

You felt like you were losing your mind with the sharp breath and the panting, your sweat mixing with his, the sound of skin on skin loudly echoing in the room.

Harrington started pounding on you faster but still wanted you to feel every inch of his cock, your walls clenching every time he would hit a spot with his tip.

He wrapped one of his hands arond yours as he kissed you, muffling his hums.

Your sloppy kisses became feral as his thrusting started to deepen and race even more. You felt your body was ready for the impact, because his skin was deliciously rubbing against your clit, your hips involuntarily thrusting against his.

"Yes, Steve", you whispered close to his ear and he hissed against your warm and sweaty skin. He held one of your thigs around his arm as he pounded on you harder.

His face was flushed, his hair was messy and sweat was dripping from his chest.

The way you looked at him was triggering enough for you to reach your release. It was ten times better than you expected, it was a out of breath climax you've never experienced before.

You buried your nails against his arm and he flinched with your touch.

"God, I'm coming", he groaned as he started to gush against himself inside you. You were both panting as Harrignton kept his cock inside of you, leaning against you just to give you a comfort kiss.

Your kiss was now passionate, slow and gentle. He rested his hands on your waist while exploring your mouth. You could still feel your cunt throbbing and you were feeling too tired from the way you were breathing.

You noticed how good his shampoo smelled and decided you could live like this forever. If you could picture a moment like that before it even happened, you wouldn't believe it would be so great like it was.

He pecked your lips before leaving your body and got rid of the protection. Before leaving, he made sure he covered your body with one of the blankets, making you smile with the action.

He only dressed his underwear and sat next to you after you put on his shirt. It's become your thing now, just wear his clothes whenever they're thrown around. He stared at you for a moment and you chuckled.

"You said it looked good on me", he nodded. Steve wrapped your neck around his arm, resting your head on his shoulder before rewinding the movie so you could actually watch it.

When you invited him over, you weren't sure he would want the same thing as you. But it turns out that, even if he didn't, now he would want more of that. And not because he feels sorry for you, but because he has a soft spot for you.

#steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington x you #steve harrington smut #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x fem!reader fluff #steve harrington fanfiction #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #userashe #useremz

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lovable-liar · 7 months

Note

OMG THOUGHTS: being hasan's partner and another host on fear&? recently started watching the podcast and there's so much chaos going on lol

𝗛𝗮𝘀𝗮𝗻 + 𝗙𝗲𝗮𝗿& 𝗖𝗼-𝗵𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿

🔞 One slightly NSFW point

So much to say, so little time…

I’m gonna break this down into scenarios and actual episodes!

QT absolutely lets you come to see Taylor, no questions asked. She loves you.

Will gets you a onesie based on your FAVORITE thing in this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmFb4kgGJ7c&t=2307s

Helping Hasan with his ear and being there to see this and having basically the same reaction as Hasan (41:06): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=urq6k1eL3xw&t=2989s

Your guys’ reactions go viral on twitter and some couples make them into matching pfps.

(Maybe, possibly, trying it out with him?)

Sitting in between him and Will (you would definitely be best friends with Austin and QT but you are by far closest with Will)

On the days that you guys have had an argument, you sit next to QT and Austin sits between Will and Hasan instead, but later in the pod you guys make up:

“Welcome back to the Fear& podcast, today I am joined with my co-hosts: Will, Austin, QT and Y/N.”

“Oh, so I’m Y/N now?”

“Okay- can we just- establish for the podcast. Austin, QT and I got here and found Hasan and Y/N giving each other the silent treatment and I’d just love for you guys to tell the viewers why.” Will points out, sounding very amused.

“He called me Kaya.”

“It was an accident!”

“You think I’m a dog!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yeah, you do! You think I’m a big, slobbering dog!”

“Y/N.”

But then, Austin and Will get up to help the postmates guy get to the house (because you’re in a gated community) and QT has to take a call, leaving you and Hasan alone (minus Marche.)

“I didn’t mean to call you Kaya.”

“Mhm?”

“I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!”

“Sure you are.”

“I love Kaya.”

"Okay?"

“I love you.”

“Okay?”

“In a way it’s a compliment.”

“To be equated to a big, slobbering dog?”

“No. To be equated to another thing I love very much, regardless of what it is! I mean, at least I didn’t objectify you like Steven Crowder did with his wife recently!”

“You have such a way with words, Hasan.”

“I’m very sorry, though, darling.”

“I forgive you. I’m sorry for giving you the silent treatment instead of talking about it.”

The chaos is INSANE!

Getting to have a gossip section with QT every episode <3

Being SUPER hungover (whether you drank or not) on an episode after going to the Abbey with Austin.

If you crochet or knit (like I do) you definitely make a blanket big enough for all of you to share, you make coasters for everyone (including for guests to take home) and even make everyone their own sweater with the “Fear&” logo on it for every holiday <3

Sitting on Hasan’s lap during this episode because there aren’t enough seats: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cIB-ArzKvAk&t=144s

Schlatt teaching you chopsticks on this episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBUQE-LnoaE&t=3922s

Then you teach Hasan how to play and you guys get really competitive over it that you have a whole segment on why Schlatt loves playing it so much and why he would burden such a healthy relationship with such a major competitive sport

Telling relationship stories <3

Either QT taking your food requests over anyone else, or, helping her make requests!

Being BY FAR the funniest host on the podcast, people ask you if your back hurts having to carry it on twitter

Having Kaya in your lap all the time (when she starts getting bigger, she’s able to lay over all three of your laps at the same time)

You and Hasan often spend hours brainstorming episode ideas, discussing potential guests, and planning the overall direction of the podcast

While Hasan is known for his passionate and outspoken approach, your hosting style balances the dynamic. You provide a more measured and analytical perspective, creating a harmonious on-air chemistry that the audience appreciates

When you and Hasan disagree on a topic, it often leads to passionate debates on the podcast. These debates are respectful and engaging, showcasing your ability to “argue” and uphold a healthy, loving relationship

He will ALWAYS respect and ultimately agree with your opinion on who to bring onto the podcast

You both have your own rituals during podcasts to calm everyone down.

People have made compilations of you telling everyone to “breathe” like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVO9f04c2R0

Decorating the room with trinkets you find!

Decorating everyone’s mic with stickers that pertain to them <3

Giving the table a theme every now and again like making it look like a dinner table during the Mormon episode, making it look like a little laboratory, etc.

Doing activities! With the laboratory table in mind, I’m thinking doing those kid’s science kits where you can grow your own crystals, make a robot, and make an erupting volcano!

Making gingerbread houses with everyone (including Marche) even if it’s not the holidays

Painting pottery <3

Drawing

Writing all your worries and frustrations on a plate, only to smash them behind the paywall <3

#hasan piker smut #hasanabi #hasan piker #hasanabi x reader #hasan piker x reader #hasanabi fluff #hasanabi smut #hasan x reader

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eldritch-nightmare · 7 months

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Mk, so, how about Liu, and any other characters of your choice with an S/O who has selective-mutism, but one day they just randomly decide to say something, but it’s in a completely different language. Idk where I got the idea from.

a/n: i saw liu's name and i couldn't restrain myself. i'm monolingual so i had to use various translation sites so if these are incorrect then i am so sorry. nd i opted to just have the reader randomly say 'i love you' because that seemed like an easy phrase to not butcher. except for liu. with what i wrote, i did have to give a full phrase other than 'i love you' and i put it through multiple translation sites so uhm fingers crossed that it's accurate uhm if you speak danish and it isn't then first off i am so sorry and second off can you please tell me what the actual translation is anyways this is a long note sorry fdhjfh hope you enjoy!!

with a selectively mute s/o that speaks in a different language.

includes: homicidal liu, the doll maker, nurse ann, and clockwork.

warnings: gn reader, it's honestly mostly just sappy, liu downplays a stab wound but that's really it.

HOMICIDAL LIU.

Liu doesn't really think about your selective mutism. You'll talk to him whenever you're comfortable, and if that's never then that's fine with him. All he cares about is your comfort.

Besides, if you ask him, he does enough talking for the both of you. At least... he thinks he talks a lot. It definitely feels like it. And who knows, he probably just teaches you morse code so you two can communicate like that.

And little did either of you know, today was the day you'd speak to him for the first time. And not for good reason, sadly. You see, Liu... isn't necessarily a careful person when it comes to his own safety.

So he may or may not have gotten hurt. But it's not like it's a life-threatening injury or anything like that! Besides, he's taught himself how to treat minor wounds like this. Really, it isn't that big of a deal.

You think otherwise, because, uh, he was fucking stabbed. Who the hell considers a stab wound a 'minor' injury?!

So when you saw him cleaning and stitching up a stab wound, this obviously led to some bickering between the two of you. Liu is telling you that he's okay, while you're aggressively telling him via morse code that he's been stabbed and that he needs to get professional medical attention. But Liu was fine. He's gone through way worse than this, so you really don't have to worry.

But him saying that just leads to you throwing up your hands in frustration as you say, "Dammit, kan du ikke se, at jeg er bekymret, fordi jeg elsker dig?!"

And... well... Liu doesn't really know what you just said but he feels really bad knowing that this is what made you speak to him for the first time.

He'll sigh and apologize for not taking his injuries seriously, and he promises to get professional help rather than just treating it himself. He... is legally classified as dead, so he can't go to a hospital but... I mean... he knows a guy who was studying medicine. And a very suspicious doctor.

THE DOLL MAKER.

Vine's native tongue is Russian, so more often than not he'll mutter to himself in his mother tongue rather than any other language.

He doesn't really care if you speak or not, mostly because he feels more comfortable in the silence. He's not the best at holding conversations.

He was busy making a doll with non-human parts this time around. And you were roaming around his little workshop, inspecting all his half-finished projects and sketches of future dolls he planned on making.

Vine trusts you to be around his work, so he's not worried about you accidentally making a mess or breaking anything but he does find himself feeling a little nervous.

Dollmaking is his passion, it's something he loves doing. And he loves you as well and values your opinion more than anyone else's. What if you think he's not doing a good job? What if you think he could make something better?

You've never given him the impression that you dislike dolls or find his creations and passion to be 'childish' but it's still a thought that lingers in his mind nonetheless. Thoughts like this constantly plague his mind.

But when he glances away from the doll he's working on to see you gently straightening out the dress of another one that's on display, a small smile gracing your lips as you admire his creation...

"Я тебя люблю." The words just sorta slipped out of his mouth, and it took him a moment before he went to repeat what he said in English but you spoke before he could even open his mouth.

"Я тебя тоже люблю." And oh. That's the first time he's ever heard you speak, he thinks.

NURSE ANN.

She too is selectively mute, though she doesn't speak because it physically hurts to more often than not, and also... she sees no real reason to talk, to be honest.

You two probably communicate via sign language or writing, though she'll quietly whisper to you if she has to.

Ann doesn't care if you talk or not. She gets it, even if you two have vastly different reasons for your selective mutism.

She's not going to have that big a reaction when you do talk, though she will tilt her head to the side a bit when you speak in an entirely different language.

It'll probably happen while the two of you are spending time together in silence, Ann doing her own thing while you're sitting nearby.

She was caught up in her own little task, mind empty. She was vaguely aware of your gaze on her, but she only really came back to reality when she heard you sigh and softly murmur to yourself.

"Ich liebe dich."

She blinks, taking a moment to process your words. She... doesn't understand German, but the way you softly spoke the words, and the way you were looking at her with such fondness... well, she had a vague idea of what you said.

And very quietly, she whispers back, "Love you too."

CLOCKWORK.

Natalie seems like the type of person who wants to learn a new language, and even begins starting to, but her motivation for it just evaporates two days after starting and she stops trying to learn. And it's just a cycle that rinses, washes, and repeats itself.

Anyways, she overthinks a lot and needs constant reassurance more than she would like, so at the beginning of your relationship, communication was probably a little rocky.

But you guys manage to come up with other ways to communicate rather than vocally.

She'll catch herself wondering what your voice sounds like, and she'll sometimes wonder if you'll ever feel comfortable enough around her to speak but she doesn't push you to talk.

She understands, trust me.

But she's definitely surprised when you wake her up from her nap just to look her in the eye and bluntly say, "Anh yêu em." and you don't even give her a chance to process it before you walk away.

She's just baffled and confused. What the hell did you just say to her? You just spoke. What the hell did you say? Is she dreaming? She feels awake. She's definitely awake.

Natalie has to dig around for her phone to try and search for the translation of what you said, and it takes her a few tries before she finally manages to type it out correctly. She definitely buries her face in a pillow when she reads the translation. And she ends up falling back asleep.

It's only when she wakes up again that she'll go and find you. She'll wrap her arms around your waist and rest her forehead on your shoulder before placing a gentle kiss there and tiredly murmuring, "I love you too."

#anon #homicidal liu x reader #the doll maker x reader #nurse ann x reader #clockwork x reader #creepypasta x reader #homicidal liu x you #the doll maker x you #nurse ann x you #clockwork x you #creepypasta x you

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eatmangoesnekkid · 16 days

Text

I want to be pristinely clear that while "The Melody of Love" critiques patriarchy, it doesn't promote the war or tension between sexes, this deep soul wounding, or encourage the de-centering of men. While I understand what women who participate in this movement are trying to do and I agree that there is a dire need for women to stop obsessing over men and generally become priorities in their lives, when you listen to those who promote this movement, there is a haunting hollowness of hidden, unaddressed hurt and pain at the root.

That's why the "de-centering men" movement would never be part of my mission. Far from it. I like to get to the root of the reality—which is deep in the body and not out there. And yes, you should be at the center of your reality, at the center of your universe, the "de-centering men" movement puts a wedge between men and women, instead of bringing us all together, including non-binary people. As usual, I find myself not being part of typical polarized ways of thinking, and more present in a nuanced 3rd lane which has been the case for most of my life. When the handy man comes over to work on my home, if I'm in that movement, I would not consider giving him some tea, juice, or water to quench his thirst. While this gesture from me is not necessary, it does show kindness to someone who enters your home and will feel thought of and move around your space with good vibes due to your hospitality. Such beautiful energy shared between two people and emitted out into an aching world.

Through my critiques, I am making a much larger point about the level of harm these systems-patriarchy, capitalism, and Abrahamic religion do to us because they live in our bodies. They cause breast pain, pelvic pain, back pain, pussy pain, period pain, blood clots, cysts, tumors, and the like. These systems ferment like sauerkraut into our breasts/hearts, hips, bellies, tailbones, and spines and impact our wellness like our moon cycles and experiences with menopause. They negatively influence how we breathe, how we think and perceive, how we make love, how we regenerate, the care and attention we cook a meal, and what we receive and attract. They trigger us to value production over getting a good quality of rest and not staying up late at night. These punitive systems do the work of keeping our nervous systems locked into flight or fight and survival states on a daily basis. Only healthy relaxed women engage the most openhearted passionate love and yield healthy families and healthy communities/villages.

But I don't just critique like an academic. I am rootsy, braless, barefoot, and revolutionary to my core, therefore, I channel practical solutions that lead readers towards healing their bodies and truly evolving their lives into bliss.

The melody of love movement is about deep spiritual repair and care: the strength and capacity of love, the truth of our soul and destiny, the intimacies and passion of the body meeting earth, and the regenerative qualities of the female body and how they favorably impact her quality of well-being and abundance. Essentially my work brings your body into a state of love that allows you to masterfully maneuver beyond these wicked systems as an embodiment of love, one of the highest frequency, a reclamation of your original sovereign template that taps you into the inexhaustible reservoir of energy that lives inside your female body, this spark of creation. After we build up our energy and increase our capacity, it is my vision that we will then lend our bodies over to being of service to something larger that favorably recalibrates our global world into greater harmony.

There is actually a deep yearning present inside my own heart to witness more men truly rise into a more healthy honorable expression of themselves on the planet. To de-center men, no matter what your sexuality may be, yields great harm to the feminine heart. I’m not sorry to say this but-- a real woman could never do that. She would die sorrowful...deeply heartbroken. -India Ame'ye, Author

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vodika-vibes · 1 month

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hello hello!!! I saw your follower celebration and I thought I should join in! Do you do Rebels characters? If so, Ezra Bridger, Aquamarine and fall would be a great combo! (as specially if it includes Ezra’s trauma 😁). If you only do TBB/CW, then instead you could do Hunter, Amaythyst, and winter! Thanks for taking the time to do this (if you do it, that is!) love your writing sm! (btw is SFW only okay? Not a huge fan of smut reader inserts lol)

Comfort

Summary: Ezra has always been prone to nightmares, it’s a jedi thing he often claims. Luckily, he has you to help settle his nerves.

Pairing: Ezra Bridger x Reader

Word Count: 608

Prompt: Aquamarine - Healing Love

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: I've never written for any Rebels characters before, but that's never stopped me before! So here you go! One Ezra story! This is roughly based around the time that he returns...probably. The timeline is vague. I hope you like it!

When you wake at 2 am, after a horrifying nightmare that leaves you trembling and your hands sweaty, your immediate instinct is to roll over to check on Ezra.

And when he’s not there, not sprawled out next to you sleeping peacefully, terror clenches your heart.

It takes you a moment to remember where you are, and where Ezra might be. It takes you a bit longer to stop your trembling long enough that you’re actually able to roll out of bed to find him.

You pad through the halls, your feet leading you to the dimly lit training room.

Ezra’s training room.

The comforting hum of a lightsaber reaches your ears as you open the door, and you make sure to stay close to the wall as you enter the room. Not because you’re worried that Ezra will hurt you, but because you don’t want to disturb him.

You move away from the door, and then slide down the wall to sit on the floor and you watch him.

You’re beginning to think that the original jedi must have been dancers, with the way that the lightsaber forms look. Seeing a group of jedi practicing in unison must have been a sight to behold.

Pity that you’re never going to see it.

“Did I wake you?” Ezra asks as he pauses his movements.

For a split second, you consider telling him the truth, but he’s got dark circles under his eyes and for him to be awake so early means that he had a nightmare too, so instead you smile at him, “I rolled over to steal your warmth and you were gone.”

There’s a soft laugh, “Sorry, beautiful. I needed to move.”

“It’s alright.” You watch him for a moment longer, his arms are shaking, “Have you been training for long?”

“A couple of hours.” He admits, “I had a nightmare.”

“A nightmare or a nightmare?” You ask.

“Just a regular nightmare, not a vision.”

“Hm.” You fall silent for a moment, “Do you wanna talk about it?”

He glances at you, and for a moment, just a moment, there’s something dark and bleak on his face, before it fades away. “I dreamt about you.”

You blink at him, “You had a nightmare about me?”

“A nightmare involving you, rather. I watched you die. Over and over and over and-” He trails off, his grip tightening around his lightsaber.

You push yourself to your feet and walk over to him, reaching up to press your hand against his cheek for just a moment, before you take his free hand in both of yours and press it right over your heart.

“I’m right here. And I’m alive and well.”

He presses the palm of his hand over your heart, and you hear the steady hum of his lightsaber vanish as he turns it off and puts it away so he’s able to press his other hand against your cheek.

“How is it that you’re always able to make everything bad seem so much smaller?” He asks as he leans in to bump his nose against yours.

“It’s my superpower.” You reply with an easy smile.

“I love you,” Ezra murmurs, “The idea of losing you-”

You move your hand to press a light finger against his lips, “I love you too.” You move your finger and press a light kiss against his lips, “And I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

And Ezra releases a soft sigh, before he lays his head on your shoulder, “Can we stay here for a bit? I need to keep you close.”

“Of course. We can stay as long as you need.”

#star wars #Star Wars Rebels #vodika-vibes 500 followers celebration #ezra bridger x reader #ezra x reader #star wars fanfiction #x reader fanfiction #gn!reader fic #answered asks

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archivalofsins · 3 months

Text

So, I'm filling out my mail in ballot and like... Lately I've been getting hit with the cultural differences between myself and others.

So, I'd like to talk about how that may impact how I view Milgram.

It's no secret that I'm African American. Yet, there's a great deal of people that will have assumptions on what that means, how it looks, what I must be into outside of Milgram etc. These things as we've come to know quite well through Milgram, are biases.

As we've discussed before biases aren't inherently bad. Biases in and off themselves are ideas we pick up about society based on our personal experiences. They're like a quick cheat sheet that no one can help but make in their head.

For example- Since I said I was African American. One could assume things about my,

Skin tone

Education

Social Status

Simply based on that knowledge alone. One could assume that I'm dark skinned. An assumption that a good deal of people make when that term is used despite the various skin tones throughout the African American community.

If I were to then respond to that assumption with,

"Actually I'm light skinned." (This is a fact and a example.)

Another assumption would come into play.

"Oh what are you mixed with?"

This would lead to two answers. Nothing, literally everyone in my family is black. Or, "Wow; can you take an educated guess? I did just say I'm African American is there any historical context you could possibly gleam without asking me why my skin tone is what it is. Anything, is there anything coming to mind that may explain? Might rhyme with armory. Might involve a word that sounds like shave?"

Nope damn...the answers still nothing just African American or well if we discuss the history of slavery real quick we get this very complicated non-answer of too many things to count. Including white and Native American. Yet if you ask my dad what they put on his papers when he fought in the war they put negro. Because those other two things matter relatively less than the whole black thing.

So, most of my family history is black and I was raised in the black community. Didn't really stop me from getting that question a lot growing up. Mostly from people within said community. These are the sort of biases I believe are pretty common in most cultures. People will judge others based on how they look and assume things about their background.

This is highlighted in Milgram through Mu. It's brought up multiple times that Mu has been othered because of how she looks. Because she does not look typically Japanese, she looks foreign. She has honey-blonde hair and light grey eyes.

She mentions in a minigram that she doesn't like how rain makes her hair stick up.

People headcanoning Mu's victim as half black when France has the highest black population out of Europe wild.

X X

Hmmm, wonder why that headcanon hasn't been put on her ahn who knows.

Basically, noting that humidity and water makes her hair frizzy. Probably playing a bit into the reason she doesn't portray herself as being soaked in After Pain. Because she finds this aspect of herself to be embarrassing.

This also could subtly imply that she may straighten or style her hair. Outside of that Milgram highlights how different she looks before the series even starts properly. Noting it in her character description on the website.

A beautiful prisoner with overt features that set her apart from other Japanese people. Despite her slender frame, she’s very candid, and the type to rebel against the abnormal circumstances Milgram has presented her. Due to her nature, she will be very wary of Es at first. The way she conducts herself gives a sense of her upbringing. Leading us to speculate that she was probably born into a wealthy family. Perhaps, being born into wealth is why she has such a sense of pride, bursts into tears when clashing with others, and is prone to whining.

My sorry spells must be wearing off./I am always the drama queen.

Why won’t you stop hurting me? My heart is all dried up. My sorry spells must be wearing off. But I guess some of it is my fault./ It’s not my fault. I told you I’m queen, and it will never be changed. I’ve got EVERYTHING, everything is as I wish.

And even having it called to attention in the portal timeline.

20/05/31 Mu: Hey, Mikoto-kun, aren’t you scared of this place……? You can’t think of any reason you ended up here, right……? Mikoto: Ahh, yeah. Of course, it’s not like I’m not scared at all. But just between you and me…… I still haven’t dropped the thought that this could all just be a TV show. I mean, I really haven’t ever murdered anyone. ……and if that is the case, we’re definitely being monitored. For like a prank setup or something. Wouldn’t it be super uncool and embarrassing to get angry or lash and have it shown on prime time? Mu: Is that what you think……? A prank, huh…… I hope that’s all it is…… Mikoto: Ah! If that is the case, then you’ll probably be super popular since you’re so cute, Mucchan! There’s a lot of girls out there who make their big break coming off reality shows like that!

Like the fact that Milgram lays all of this out from the beginning along with the way it follows through on it is really good. Because it isn't just building as it goes or adding pockets of tidbits of character information on as the trials progress. It's all been there and still is there rewarding people for going back and looking, if they feel like it.

Through bringing to the forefront how different Mu is from those around her Milgram subtly highlights another form of discrimination in Japan. Racism.

Then it does this really interesting thing when it comes to her core friend group in particular.

Milgram makes a point of having all of Mu's close friends be individuals who for one reason or another would not be considered to look stereotypically Japanese. Milgram manages to do this without even giving Mu's friends faces.

Even highlighting in their insect forms through giving them different hair colors from the rest.

Just like Mu herself.

Q.11 Who do you want to see right now? Mu: I miss my friends too but most of all, Papa and Mama.

In her second voice drama Mu says,

...Warden-san. I think you're really doing something bad. Isn't it a bad thing to act like there has to be something wrong with someone for them to get bullied? Oh? No matter the circumstances, it's always the bullies who are in the wrong! Isn't that obvious? Warden-san you're so smart but you didn't even know something like that? maybe you should take some lessons on morals or something. ... Besides even if I've done something wrong, there's nothing that can justify bullying. Warden-san I thought you were nicer than this.

Not one thing that can justify it not even others doing something wrong. Meanwhile Mu's first trial character voice line,

It's your fault....for doing horrible things to me...

Mu goes on to say this in response to Es asking why does she think she was bullied after that,

"How would I know? I mean I'm from a rich family, and I'm an eye-catcher too... It was probably out of some kind of envy or prejudice, right?"

Plus, Mu's stance on bullying quickly changes when it's brought to her attention that Es believes she may have been a bully before she bullied. As she states,

"Leaving behind all that stuff you said about me possibly having been a bully myself- not that any of that's true of course!"

Sorry it was an easy shot.

Can you believe she said this right before this mv came out? Wild. Prisoners stay lying in their voice dramas. Never incriminate yourselves, always lie to authority figures. Double down on the lies if you need to. No one owes honesty to individuals or systems putting them in terrible predicaments.

Lie like you and honesty had a falling out. Lie like being honest betrayed you worse than it did Kazui. Keep lying. Honesty sorry that's a luxury I can't afford right now. I'm in my lying arc trust me at your own expense.

Be Mikoto trial two and gaslight the audience into believing that everything Milgram uncovered was actually a dream trial three. It will work better than you think Mu.

Like naw be more dishonest actually. The realest thing all the prisoners have ever done was just blatantly lie and not back down from said lies. They're all like fucking prove it go on prove it! What do you have mystical songs where I go I did that shit and I'll do it again?! That's not substantial enough evidence.

That could have been an over-exaggeration done to better highlight my artistic vision- Fuck you and your song extractor bring in some actual proof or piss off. This machine was provided by your facility how do you know it's providing accurate unbiased information. The facility had already deemed us guilty of something on incarceration this isn't fair or trustworthy.

Meanwhile if they're innocent what a great and interesting machine you have here.

Sure. So, if I'd gotten payback for how my bullies treated me then that'd count as revenge right? And if you believe that was my only option then don't you have to forgive me? ...Uh...I'm not really sure what you're trying to say? You see~ If you think that me bullying someone back after being bullied is the natural course of action, then wouldn't it be bad to bully me back in return? ... "But if you were like. "I won't forgive you Mu revenge is bad!" Then wouldn't that imply that it's also bad for me to bully someone back after they bullied me?" I think I'm kinda...starting to get your point...maybe. Warden-san are you maybe not all that smart after all?

Since the way Mu talks is rather quick and confusing purposely Es has difficulties understanding what she's saying. Despite the fact that she is just reiterating that since she's already been forgiven it would be best if Es kept to that verdict. Because Es has already set the precedent that killing out of revenge or in response to a slight is forgivable. Changing her verdict now won't change that precedent.

Meaning Mu has every intention to bully someone for bullying her again if necessary because Es has stated that the appropriate response to being picked on is picking on that person back. In a way Mu is saying that's what trial one cemented that treating people who have caused direct harm to your or others is completely okay actually.

So, it's best not to start problems for others others at all. So, if Es wants to change their verdict and pick on Mu now that would be no different than what happened to her.

This isn't even a veiled threat. Because she's just saying since you've realized that bullying is the appropriate response to bullying then you shouldn't pick on me because the obvious response would be me picking on you and you don't want that right? Or,

"If you want to betray from jealousy. I’ve told you what’s gonna happen."

The thing is the way I view Mu's story is subjectively changed based on my experiences as and African-American.

When I view her story I don't see the simple one of bullying. I see a story about prejudice and the othering of mixed and biracial individuals in Japan. How the mistreatment these individuals face when younger can lead to them bullying others later in life.

The fact that kids like that are often exposed to discriminatory treatment from a young age by peers and adults due to their overt physical differences. Something that can lead to a great deal of bitterness and self-loathing. Even internalized othering.

Q.08 Which of the other prisoners is most like you? Mu: I don’t think there’s anyone? They’re all weirdos.

This can be done to make oneself feel less than others or to cope and convince oneself that they are more special than those around them and everyone is just jealous actually. Mu falls into the later category. However, the later category is commonly used in response to discrimination of some sort.

Because it's easier and healthier to respond to others making fun of ones immutable traits such as physical characteristics by going they're just jealous. The other option is attempting to changing how you look entirely which for a lot of people won't work anyway. From that angle it's no suprise that in high school Mu would start doing something that may just have been done to her for much longer by girls who probably resembled those who picked on her a great deal or were people who used to pick on her.

Q.02 What scares you most? Mu: Painful things, scary things. Also embarrassing things. Q.07 What is your favourite place? Mu: Mama’s hometown of Nice. The sea there is beautiful.

As someone who grew up in the states a pretty diverse country. Well Mu saying things like her favorite place is her mothers hometown has a different ring to it. Because in Nice the way Mu looks wouldn't be considered odd or draw attention. Whereas in the place she grew up she can easily tell that the way she looks gets her both positive and negative attention.

I've said this before and I'll say it again the fact that Mu stands out due to her mixed ethnicity is just as a part of her story as being a bully is. The fact that she surrounds herself with people who are similar to her (seemingly mixed as well).

Well it really puts this spin on her story. Not just making it as simple as bullying it but turning it into this story of long term accepted bullying and what that cycle can lead to. If Mu was bullied and treated as different because of her looks and families wealth at a young age. Then she gets into this high school with other people with those experiences. It wouldn't be farfetched for her to want to use the opportunity to get revenge on the people who treated her poorly before and take advantage of the system that allowed it.

In order to lessen the impact of the idea of her being a bully which she denies as ever being true she states it would be fine for her to be one under Milgram's logic if it was in response to being bullied in the first place. That it's fine as long as it's revenge. A mindset many victims of bullying who become bullies later have. That it's fine to do because no one said it was wrong when it was happening to them. It's okay if they do it because if they do then it can't happen to them.

This especially puts an interesting spin on her first cover song and trial song.

Especially these lines,

Otome Dissection

There's been a lot of analysis of this song for a long while. For now, I want to analyze it from the angle of the singer dissecting themselves. An angle that the song has been taken from before. Given the visuals in the mv near the end.

The more overt ones.

Along with when the signer is shown pretending to call someone and closing their own body bag.

All after the line "Let's see if our climax had been a let down. Ever since that night."

Now if we phrase Otome Dissection as the singer singing to themselves that would make it more interesting in the context of Mu's case and the way it can relate to ethnicity. Because I think Otome Disssection manages to perfectly encapsulate the feeling of self-loathing, dejection, and hopelessness that being a minority can make a person.

The song highlighting how the singer has found something that makes them feel good as long as it hurts. Something that's validating and invalidating all at once. A way a lot of people feel about exploring or expressing their culture/ethnicity in a place where it's marginalized or stereotyped in some way. The feeling can be just as isolating as it is liberating simply because at times even when people want to do this there's not much community around them locally.

Plus, taking an interest in it won't make discrimination stop. At the end of the day people are still going to put you on a pedestal or hate you because of how you look. Though it can still be fulfilling. Also highlighting how one will dissect themselves, cutting themselves down to be more acceptable in an environment that didn't want to accept them to begin with. Again, going back to how it only feels good when it hurts.

They only get acceptances when they're burying parts of themselves. Yet, still desiring to be loved for everything they are the good and the bad and trying to convince themselves that they love who they are despite everything around them making it feel as though it'd be better,

If I had just disappeared.

All that self-loathing and disdain turns into boisterous self-confidence. Because it's feels like the only way that person can survive. Yet they still need this constant outwards validation because they don't know if they're allowed to be here. Even though they feel like they should be it doesn't feel like they are.

I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe? Tell me./I wanna feel shame, ever since the night when I realized it's good as long as it hurts.

Yet no amount of validation is enough because the person can't validate themselves. They're always going to be afraid of being found out then hated or the other person finding someone else.

Hey, what if If I am a bad girl- Don’t hate me./I actually had a dream you fell in love with someone else. Please tell me it's not true. Come on love me please?

A problem many people who have faced racial discrimination in their environments have is believing that others can like them. Because sometimes from birth all those people are given are reasons why others wouldn't. A list of things that make them odd or different from their peers. So, it's easy to understand why it would be difficult to believe.

After Pain

"I don’t want tomorrow to come. I want to forget yesterday I was miserable, someone please help me."

"If it’s endurance, I’m used to it. It’s just having another taste of it."

When it comes to Futa we see him become the victim of what he dished out after in Bring It On. Lamenting if both sides are losers in Backdraft. Yet, Mu tries her best to hide all the things that hurt and embarrass her. The source of her pain.

Because she doesn't want people to look at it. She doesn't want to replay it. Just like her second cover song further highlights along with her second trial mv.

She even states in the second written interrogation,

Q.01 What were you like as a child? Mu: I think I was pretty normal. I had a lot of friends, and learned a lot.

Yet she also states that she gets walked up to by modelling scouts on the streets because of her looks.

Q.15 What’s your dream for the future? Mu: A model, maybe. I’ve been turning down scouts while I’m still in high school though.

Definitely sounds easy to have a normal childhood with stuff like that occurring.

It's easy to write off Mu as not going through that much and just being a spoiled brat and a bully. However, I feel like that would be ignoring some very compelling parts of her character. Plus, she's not the only prisoners for Milgram to allude to dealing with forms of discrimination.

Plus, it is kind of strange that she would jump from having her friends bully people for her to murder. Like that isn't a very natural progression. Now she could be lying about not doing any of that stuff herself like dumping water on people or beating them up. However the only time we see her actually harassing a student is when they appear to be shaking them down and none of that stuff is occurring.

Then she's only alluded to being around in After Pain after her friends do that stuff. So, I genuinely doubt she was being dishonest about that. None of these feelings on Mu I stated here are new. I always appreciated how her story subtly deals with the ethnicity. I like how it shows a victim of bullying become a bully.

I like that it highlights how cycles of harassment begin. I love how Mu's first inclination is to frame herself as a victim of bullying in this situation because on some level she really thinks this is revenge for all the mean things others may have done to her. I also like that she's unapologetic about it. Plus my own complicated relationship with stuff like that makes me sympathetic to her a bit.

Even still it's Mu we're talking about she's not one to be knocked down and stay down. That's simply just another aspect to look at her under and it's one of the ones I find the most interesting given how I grew up.

I feel like that may just be one of the many things that may go overlooked based on how one grew up. Even though Milgram highlights it in a lot of ways.

Another one that may go over some's head is poverty in general given the cases of Amane and Mikoto. Like people not really understanding why he's so focused on his job or why Amane's family lives where they live etc. It's just interesting how Milgram tries to represent varying demographics. Like there's a plethora of other examples but I've gone over them before.

At least I find it interesting.

#gunsli rambles

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everlastingdreams · 4 months

Text

The Weeping Monk x Reader : Born In The Dawn Chapter 28

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Story Summary: Locked inside a dark room in a dungeon, kept alive only for your power, you believed you’d never see the daylight again. That is until the Weeping Monk finds his way down and steals you from your captors. It is the beginning of a journey that leads you through hardship and newfound hope, but nothing is assured in a world that is changing for the Fey. The magic that runs in your veins is drawing out the worst the world has to offer, does it include the man who pulled you from the dark?

Chapter Title: Burning Hearts

Notes: /

Warnings: Grief. Violence. Torture. Sexual Assault. Rape Threat. Gore. Enemies To Lovers. Pining. Trauma. Flagellation. Manipulation. Strong Language. Blood. Gore?. Misogyny. PTSD. Spicy and smut parts. Slight redemption arc.

Other warnings: Jealousy. Forbidden Love. Romance. Slow-burn…

Word count of this fic: +200K

Chapter: 28/ It’s a secret.

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A joining?

A joining?!?

Matthew had always been someone you were enamored with. Yet, seeing the honey-eyed man now did not cause the same response in you that it used to. Especially not after what you had just learned.

Helio was blind to the shock on your face, and continued to sing Matthew’s praises, “He is a decent man. And I believe his affection for you has grown to match yours.”

It had you lost for words for a while.

He mistook it for being too overjoyed to respond. “I always hoped you would find a love as true as the one I and your mother share.”

It came out louder than you intended to, “No.”

Helio paused, “No?”

“No.” You said again, taking a step back. “There will be no joining.”

He clearly did not expected the response. “I thought you would be happy.”

The betrayal from Matthew was still fresh and this could not have come at a worse time.

“I am sorry, father.” You meant it, he was trying to make you happy and now you had to disappoint him.

You gave him no reason for the change in your feelings towards Matthew, and walked away alone towards the fort.

~~~♡~~~♡~~~◇~~~♡~~~♡~~~

After all that had happened, Matthew sharing your private matters with others was the final straw of your patience.

A joining? With him? You were so upset that you didn’t even want to speak to him again. But you wanted to get this off of your chest first and not let him think that what he did was proper. You found Matthew speaking to a few of the knights in the entrance hall and marched right over to him. They were chuckling among each other amicably, but quieted down when they saw the storm in your eyes.

“How is your nose?” You didn’t actually care in that moment.

“It doesn’t hurt any-” Matthew’s answer was cut short by the slap he received across the face from you. His cheek turned red from the impact.

He was absolutely baffled by the slap that had made the pain in his nose return with a vengeance. “What… why-”

Some of the knights had flinched.

You wasted no time bringing the matter up to him, your voice was loud in the large hall, “Are you telling them about my personal matters too?”

Matthew was quick to understand where your anger was coming from, he got visibly uncomfortable and asked the others, “Gentlemen, will you gave us a moment?”

They didn’t need to be told twice and left the hall before the storm could crash down on them as well.

“Y/n… I-” He stammered.

“Shut it!” You didn’t want to hear it, you didn’t care that you were shouting at him either, “How could you?! You promised never to tell, and now I learn that you have broken your promise! It was not your secret to share!”

Matthew’s expression filled with remorse. “I am so sorry. It was just talk among men, nothing else.”

It was infuriating how he tried to make it sound like it was nothing. It wasn’t nothing, not to you. Trust was hard for the Dawn Folk, especially for yourself, and to be treated like this… “For you it was just ‘talk among men’, for me it is my personal affairs, that I trusted you with!”

He remained quiet for a moment, not knowing what to say.

“I’m sorry.” He said again. “I did not know it would hurt you.”

Was he so inconsiderate?

Bitterly you told him of what your father had said, “My father thought it would be a good idea to have you as a knight, not just for your competence, but because he wanted to make me happy by having you live in our home.”

Matthew was pleasantly surprised, “Really?”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “But ever since I’ve arrived here, you have been different to me. I am not one of your conquests, Matthew. We were never more than friends, even when I wanted to be more.”

He tried to touch your arm but you recoiled from him. “We can be more, y/n. I want us to be more.”

“I DON’T! I can barely look at you now!” It was unbelievable that he could act like he had not betrayed your trust severely. “You didn’t see me. I was so infatuated with you and you never looked in my direction with the same interest. I do not think you even really care for me, I cannot even trust you anymore. Where did my friend go? The one who respected me as I was, because I was me.”

The memories of childhood, when you played together by the creek, were painful now.

Matthew went down to his knees, sensing that this conversation was going the bad route. “I do respect you. I do care for you. Please, forgive me. I am a fool.”

“That, you are.”

A voice came from behind you. Matthew looked past you to see the Ash Man watch him be down on his knees for forgiveness. If that not dented his pride…

You gestured with your hand for Lancelot to leave. He reluctantly walked passed you and Matthew, and left the hall.

Matthew was not happy with the interference but kept it to himself. “I respect you, you must believe me.”

Slowly you shook your head. “No, you don’t. And I… I don’t think I want to be friends with someone who saw me as just another conquest. I thought I was more than that to you, I was wrong. I can feel how you are trying to see me as someone I am not.”

You stepped back and heard the door of the fort open again, this time your father walked in and saw the knight on his knees.

Neither of you looked happy now, you had known Matthew for years, but maybe you never truly knew him at all. Or maybe you were not the only one who had changed.

You walked away before your father could ask questions that would only make it worse. If he needed answers, Matthew was free to give them.

~~~♡~~~♡~~~♤~~~♡~~~♡~~~

Ciro had taken Squirrel to the place he said he often had ‘great adventures’.

The library.

Poor Squirrel was counting on a real adventure but had to settle for the written ones.

While Ciro sat on the floor to read, Squirrel searched the books for something that wouldn’t bore him too much. Your cousin was the first you saw when entering the library, Squirrel was trying to climb a shelf to reach one of the old books at the top.

Of course it had to be those…

“Here, let me help.” You hurried over, before he could break his neck, and plucked the book he was aiming for off of the shelf.

After looking at it for no more than three counts, he handed it back to you. “Mirena is teaching me how to read. But I don’t find it very interesting.”

You couldn’t believe that you were not aware that he could not read yet, “I never knew you couldn’t read.”

Squirrel shrugged his shoulders and walked along the shelves again. “It’s boring.”

Ah, yes. He was the sort of child that needed extra motivation for certain things.

You gave him some encouragement, “You’ll find something to read that you will enjoy. Or maybe you will even write something yourself.”

He didn’t have much faith on the matter, “There’s nothing here for me to read.”

There had to be something there that he might like. “What do you want to read about?”

The boy thought for a moment, then exclaimed, “Moon Wings!”

You recalled a book that had some stories about them. “We have something about them here. Let me look for it.”

“What does it look like?” He asked.

You began to search for it. “It’s a big, heavy book, leather bound. Brown, with golden details on the front.”

Squirrel began his search for this book as well. Minutes passed before you found it at the top of a shelf, what idiot had put it up so high?…

The boy helped you stack some books on top of each other and by standing on the stack you were able to collect the book. A thick layer of dust was covering it and you tried to get it off as best as you could, then knelt down on the floor to look through the pages with him. The small sketch of a Moon Wing decorated a page about a hundred pages in, there was some information on them that you helped him to read. It got Squirrel interested in the rest of the book, so you sat with him for quite some time, in the meantime Ciro was consumed by the book he was reading off in the corner. There were so many pages, it wasn’t until your eyes began to burn that you looked to a window and saw that the sun had gone down.

“I think I should be taking the two of you to get dinner.” You began to close the book.

Squirrel prevented it, now having grown interested in the literature, “Can I take the book with me?”

You saw no issue. “Of course you can, just be careful with it. We do not have as many books anymore since the war.”

He closed the book, picked it up, and when he tried to stand the book slipped out of his hands. It landed on the floor, one or two pages fell out.

Squirrel looked so genuinely concerned for your reaction and gave a sheepish small smile. “Sorry…”

You bend down to put the pages back into the book, then saw the pages the book had fallen open on. A page that held a drawing of something familiar, even the boy saw.

A sketch of an unknown face, with tear-like markings beneath the eyes…

“Those marks, they look like Lancelot’s.” Squirrel pointed it out.

This sketch was of a woman, who’s markings were eerily similar to those of the Ash Man. You picked it up and read some of the text that accompanied the drawing, it spoke of the Ash Folk, of their lineage and the little information that was known of them. There were some names, it mentioned the king of the Ash Folk and his descendant. The book almost fell out of your hands too when Lancelot’s name was written under King Ban’s.

The door of the library was opened, Mirena stepped inside. “There you are, I’ve been looking forever, dinner is getting cold!”

Ciro was on his feet and beside Squirrel not a second later. “Sorry, Aunt Mirena.”

You quickly closed the book and used one of the loose pages as a bookmark for it, you told Squirrel, “I’ll go and put the book in your room. Go on, don’t let dinner get cold.”

With an apologetic look in the direction of your mother, you ushered the children to go with her. Once they were out of the library, you reluctantly ripped the page from the book before Squirrel or anyone else could learn of this and spread the news around. You stuffed the page into the pocket of your vest, then did as promised and brought the book to the room Ciro and Squirrel shared.

Was Lancelot aware of his lineage? Did he even know who his family were?

It dawned on you that he never spoke of them, maybe he did not remember who they were. You decide to get some fresh air after being in the dusty library for hours, the evening wind offered it to you freely outside the fort’s curtain walls. One of the knights stood with his back leaning against the wall, drinking a tankard of last night’s ale, he greeted you.

You returned to the fallen trunk of the tree you had sat on last night. The page in your pocket felt heavy, you would need to give it to Lancelot, he deserved to know. The rapid sound of hooves hitting the ground neared you, and you turned to see a woman ride up the hill on horseback. Her horse galloped into your direction and you knew there was trouble. Your eyes fell on the village next, in the darkness you could see flames light up the night.

The woman halted close to you, panicking as she called out, “Dawn Woman, we need your aid! One of our homes is caught by fire, we fear there will be injured!

“Warn the others!” You shouted to the knight who was coming closer, “Make them bring all the buckets we have and anything that can be used as such!”

You approached her, and she gave you a hand to help you sit behind her on the horse.

She spurred the horse into a gallop immediately, and darted down the hill towards the village down below.

The smell of smoke reached your nostrils long before you arrived at it’s origin. It was one of the larger buildings that was on fire, you knew that it housed quite a few people. Chaos had overtaken the night and villagers tried to help those who had fled the flames. You were helping the first wounded the second your feet touched the ground again. A young woman was crying in agony, the burns on her face were severe. It was a relief to see them disappear when you touched her hand to sooth and heal. She had no time to thank you for it, you were already tending to the next wounded.

The situation was overwhelming, you did not want to run out of energy too quickly, but you couldn’t just let the worst injuries wait. If their situation got worse, it would only take more energy to heal them. You prayed quietly to the Hidden, pleading with them to give you the strength to help your people.

Some stood by and watched the fire consume the building and spread to the one beside it, others cared for the wounded. It was a constant running back and forth of people trying to put the fire out with buckets, with water from the well or of the wagons that hurriedly filled and brought them back from the lake nearby. They needed help, you needed help…

There was too much going on all at once and the panic was overtaking the people around you. An approaching horse darted through the village in your direction like a shadow passing through the chaos.

You knew that horse…

It came to a sharp sudden halt and the boots of it’s rider hit the ground only a few steps away from you. Even with the veil around his face you had recognized him right away, and saw that a part of his cloak was missing, he had used it to make the veil he wore now.

“Lancelot, no! You cannot be here!” You ran up to him, knowing the rules your father had given him. He was not supposed to leave the hill, and broke the rules with his presence in the village.

He had been in the stables tending to Goliath when he heard the woman arrive on horseback to ask for your aid. The call of the Hidden to follow had made him break the rule your father had given him.

Lancelot stubbornly moved past you towards the burning house. “There are still people inside.” He spoke only loud enough for you to hear, “I can smell them.”

Oh gods, no.

Your first instinct was to go towards the flames to save them.

He did not even let you take another step near the burning building. “Don’t! I will go.”

“No, you-” You weren’t willing to let him risk his life.

He saw the fear in your eyes, his hand quickly cupped your cheek, thumb tracing your cheekbone. “Fire cannot burn me.” He let go. “Stay here!”

You feared that the last time you would see the Ash Man, was him entering a burning building. Some had even tried to stop him from doing so to save him from the flames, he fought them off without truly hurting them, then stepped into the fire.

The Hidden made their strong presence known to the village through the burning ashes, they began to collect together and circle the burning building. If it was not so destructive, it would have been considered beautiful, magic hanged in the air. It silenced most of the chaos as people stared at it.

“Please, protect him…” You softly begged the Hidden.

The people around you needed your aid, their shouts for help forced you to spring into action. Finally, the knights of the fort arrived to help, even your parents were present. With tunnel vision you healed one person after another together with them, your eyes never fully left the flames or the presence of the Hidden.

The exhaustion was beginning to take hold on you, but you could not fail them now. Healers from the fort arrived and helped those who could survive waiting for the help of the Dawn Folk.

Mirena healed one next to you and spoke to you loudly, so you would hear her over the noise, “The Hidden is here!”

You saw the people try and fail to get close enough to the fire to put out the flames, the magic of the Hidden was circling it like a barrier.

“Mother, Lancelot is inside!” You cried out in despair.

She couldn’t believe what she had just heard and looked towards the building again. That look in her eyes… you would never forget it. Especially because she looked at you next and you could see the sorrow in her eyes, the pity.

No…

NO.

It was taking too long.

Now that you were a summoner, would the old gods not protect you from harm too? Did it even matter, when you feared that he was burning? It did not.

Mirena must have seen something in your eyes, because she tried to grab your arm when you jumped up to your feet, she failed to do so and called out to your father. “HELIO! STOP HER!”

You ran to the building, to the scorching flames, the heat of it struck your skin once you got close. And then you were on the ground, Helio held you down as you tried to fight your way back to your feet again.

“LET GO!” You did not even hear what he was saying, you screamed it so many times that your throat went sore.

Helio’s attention left you all of a sudden, a woman emerged from the flames with a crying babe that had not seen a blue moon yet. Matthew came to her aid immediately, as those around witnessed how the flames around her never touched her or the child, instead they turned to ashes once they got too close. He led her away from the danger.

The woman refused to go much further than a few feet from the fire and cried out to the flames, “My child!”

You pushed yourself free and got to your feet, Helio caught you by the sleeve. The flames folded open and away from the entrance of the building.

The Ash Man emerged, took some steps away from the fire, then dropped down to his knees. In his arms he held a babe, the other half from the set of twins belonging to the distressed mother.

Exhaustion struck him now that the power of the Hidden was released by him. He did not let it go fully just yet, the flames that perished turned to ashes much faster than it could naturally happen. The ashes were born from within the flames themselves.

The lack of crying made him fear for the infant’s life. When he looked down, he saw that the infant was staring up at the red glowing marks beneath his eyes, and reaching their tiny hands up to touch.

The moment of innocent joy slipped away when he realized. The veil…

There were whispers shared, and looks of shock. They knew who he was, his markings had betrayed him. And yet… no one attacked him. They had seen a man run into fire to save another. The man who had sought to kill them, was now risking his life to save them. He looked to Matthew, to come and take the babe from his hand, which the knight did and the child was returned to it’s mother.

They saw that he was one of them.

He removed the swords from at his side, and while kneeling in submission, laid them out in front of him.

A surrender. His life in the hands of his people, as it always should have been.

You ripped yourself free from Helio’s hold and hurried over to Lancelot. He lifted his head and shook it, signaling for you to stay back, fearing the reaction the people would have to your action.

Fearing you would be seen as a traitor.

A fear struck woman shouted, “It’s the Weeping Monk!”

“He is Fey!” A man called out loud.

Oh no…

You were standing between him and the crowd that grew louder by the revelation. There were weapons being drawn, you could hear and see it.

You reasoned with the shocked villagers, “Killing him will not bring your loved ones back!”

A woman wished for vengeance, “It will bring them justice!”

The war had made many of them colder, it was understandable yet saddening to see. There had to be a way to make them less apprehensive to give him a chance.

If they wanted this to be a trial, then you would give them the true facts, “Justice? He is Ash Folk! If you kill him, you take the last of them away from the Fey! This is exactly what the Church wants, for the Fey to turn against one another! This is why they stole him, as a Fey child, to torment his mind into believing he and any Fey is evil!”

Mirena kept an eye on all of those around, fearing for an escalation to come.

You continued with your pleads, “His death would mean a gift to the Church and a great loss to our people. If the Green Knight saw the good in him, if the Hidden chose him as a summoner, how can we not give him a chance?”

Some of them were willing to listen to you, some were not.

“He did not give us a chance!” A woman shouted and the roaring of the crowd began again.

“He spared the children.” You countered, “And our future by doing so.”

Lancelot did not move from where he knelt on the ground, letting his fate be decide by his people. Often you looked back at him and saw the shame and guilt he always tried to hide from you. There was murmuring among the villagers, they must have heard the stories from children who survived the cleansings the Weeping Monk had attended. Your father surprised all when he came to stand at your side in this, and risked his reputation as protector of the Fey to help Lancelot.

Helio spoke to the people he had protected for decades, “Is this the message we wish to bring our children?! For when they are taken, they are not to return to us?” He gestured to Lancelot. “This could have been any of us!”

He walked over to a Faun Man nearby. “It could have been your boy, Thomas. The Faun Folk’s gift for archery would have served the Church well.”

The man looked to the people beside him and then to the ground.

Your father walked to a Snake Folk woman and spoke to her, “Or your little ones, Hildegard. The Snake Folk’s talent for making poisons would be very desired by our enemies.”

She put her arms around her children and brought them closer.

Helio looked at the submitting Ash Man. “He was just a boy. Someone’s child, stolen from their arms and thrown into war. Break the child, build the monster.” He turned to the crowd once more and gestured to you, “It could have been any of us, it could have been my child.”

Mirena stepped to Helio’s side while speaking to the crowd, “The Hidden has returned the Ash Folk to us. Who are we to question their decision? We are not paladins, we are not Trinity Guards, we are FEY.” She looked at Lancelot. “If you believe he deserves to die, that he cannot be forgiven, I fear for what we have become.”

The mother of the children he had saved came forward from the crowd and slowly approached the kneeling Ash Man. You let her walk past you, seeing how the villagers watched her with silent awe. The Sky Folk woman stopped a step away from him, and for a moment she only looked at him in silence. The Ash Man lifted his eyes to her face when she put a hand on his shoulder.

“I forgive you.” Her words placed the next brick on his road to forgiveness.

This woman could not have thanked him in a more meaningful way than to give him what he so searched for. It was as if he could not believe she had truly spoken the words out loud. She returned to her children, the forgiveness within her was an inspiration to others.

Helio saw the change in the crowd’s attitude towards the Ash Man and approached him quickly. He grabbed the leather of Lancelot’s jerkin at the shoulder and pulled him to his feet. “Get up!” The poor Ash Man was startled by it. “Walk with me before they change their minds on sparing your life.”

“Father.” You didn’t expect him to help Lancelot at all.

Your father gave you the order as he led Lancelot back to Goliath, “Stay with your mother!”

Helio called out to two of the knights, “See to it that he is back at the fort.”

“Yes, Ser.” They responded and mounted their horses.

There was a strange silence creeping into the villagers as they watched the unburnt Ash Man mount the steed that no longer bore the symbols of the Church.

Helio gave him a low warning, “Leave the hill again without my permission and I will let you rot in the dungeon!”

All he could do was respectfully nod.

When Helio had turned his back and returned to see who else needed healing, Lancelot looked at you.

‘Go’ You mouthed to him.

The knights who were to accompany him urged him to follow, and after seeing your reaction he followed them back to the fort.

You were left somewhat shaken, and you were grateful for the help around you now. Mirena wasn’t too happy after having seen you run towards the fire, and managed to successfully give you a scolding whilst she healed people with you.

The fire had perished with the collective efforts of the village and the knights. And maybe the Ash Man had a hand in getting the fire under control as well, even if he was not aware of it. It was only a few hours before dawn when you returned to the fort, with the help of villagers who so kindly afford to bring you and your family back by wagon. Fortunately so, because this night had taken a toll on the Dawn Folk.

By the time you arrived back at the fort, you headed to your room without detours. You opened the door and by the time it fell shut behind you, you were already lying down on the bed, not even bothering to put the sheets over you even if it was a bit cold.

Faint knocking prevented you from slipping into the world of dreams. You called out quietly for them to enter, it even sounded incoherent to your own ears. The door creaked open, and clicked shut again.

There was no need to look, by now you could identify him based on the sounds and pace of his walk. Lancelot knelt beside the bed and touched your shoulder, “Is there anything you need?”

“Sleep.” You mumbled into your pillow.

A warm quiet chuckle passed his lips, then he was silent for a moment. Almost did you doze off to sleep when he remained quiet.

“Thank you.” He almost whispered, “For what you did for me tonight. I could not have faced them alone.”

You forced an eye open to look at him. “I’m with you, even if it is against an angry crowd.”

A yawn escaped and you closed your eye again. From your pocket, you retrieved the folded page of the book and waved it at him a bit.

Tentatively, he plucked it from your fingers, “What is this?”

“Ash Folk.” It was more mumbling.

He was silent again, probably reading what the page contained.

“Does anyone else know of this?” He sounded rather concerned.

Your eyes opened again. “I do not know for certain. I don’t think anyone has bothered to read the book it came from in years, it was covered in a layer of dust.”

The admission came from him, “What is written here. Is true.”

“About your family?” You risked asking.

He gave a slow nod, “Can we keep this between us? I am not who I once was, here and now is what matters most to me.”

“I promise I won’t tell a soul.” You vowed.

Your eyes grew heavy, all the healing had exhausted your body and it demanded rest. You let your eyes fall shut, feeling how hard it was to keep them open. “I’m so proud… of you… for saving that family. You were incredible.”

Another silence fell, this one lasted for a while. The warmth of his hand landed on your upper arm, it passed on to your skin when he rubbed in soft circles. It was terribly relaxing to experience. The last thing you registered before sleep took you, was the sheets being placed over your form.

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sophieinwonderland · 7 months

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On The Survivor's Network Admin's "Apology"

As many know, the Admin of the Survivors' Network made an awful post about me back in November. In the recent document from the Survivors' Network, it included the admin's "apology" to the server, and I wanted to address that.

The Original Post

Pictures of the original post are at the bottom under the Keep Reading. TW in advance for fakeclaiming, transphobia, misgendering, bullying, etc.

The "Apology"

When the post resurfaced this year, the admin had this to say in the Survivor’s Network: i am going to be fully transparent. i am the one who made that post, on November 28th of 2022. it was a shitty post. but ugh. i don’t know. i was in an abusive situation i was still in denial about and taking my anger out where i felt it was righteous. i had been trying to stay away from syscourse for similar reasons, but i’ve got a part i failed to keep track of there. and that is shitty. i was just so pissed that, just like she is now, she was only afloat after some terrible shit coming up because of claiming oppression she neither understands or actually experiences. i was so fucking upset, as a trans person, that she had repeatedly waxed about being and identifying as cis and then as soon as it benefit her claimed that she was oppressed in the same way trans people are. it fucking hurt to see that and to see so many people just accepting it— because that was why she said it. not because she actually believed it, but because it put her back in good standing to have a few more made-up oppression points. and then i did the Really Shitty thing and i decided to break through the Sophie Wall and talk directly to the host. and i got really fakeclaimy, and i regret the fuck out of that. if i could go back and have not made that post, i would. it’s private now, and, for full transparency, if any of you want to see the full post i can send it but in honestly ashamed by it now. i don’t care whether or not sophie is experiencing what she says she is, i don’t want other people to see that and be hurt by it. i just. ugh. i was being an idiot. in the place i am now, i’d never make a post like that. i feel really bad about it. it was immature and a very obvious display of lack of inhibition on my part. it does highlight where i think i’m still in need of s lot of growth, though, and reminds me i do need to continue to work with [alters name that I am not going to include in this incredibly public post, for system privacy] in therapy. i do also want to apologize to you all for doing this. i wasn’t leading by example. i wasn’t being mature. i was spitting vitriol, something that especially now, more than ever, with my current religious/spiritual growth and my personal growth in therapy, never feel is okay. i used to be a very hateful person towards people that i felt were wronging me and/or my community, and this is no exception to that. i regret it deeply, and can only rectify that by promising that i have been growing and will continue to grow as time goes on. i’m really sorry. and i’m sorry that i didn’t deal with that post sooner— i would have if i had remembered it was there. i actually need to go through all my oldest posts, some of them are pretty bad.

Who the apology was for...

To be clear, this was not an apology to me.

It did not express any regret whatsoever at how it might have affected me. They express that they're concerned about other people being hurt by it and that they're sorry to the Survivors' Network for not leading by example. But they don't seem overly bothered by its impact on the person it was about.

Which is fine. I don't care. I'm not asking for an apology, and certainly wouldn't want them to fake one for my benefit. But since that one ask suggested I was given apologies, I suspect they might have mistook this post made in the Discord server... which wasn't intended for me, didn't express guilt over how it affected me, and wasn't in a place I could even find it unless I had a spy in the server... as an apology to me. I just wanted to establish for the record that this apology was worded in a way that it was directed at basically everyone but me.

Reasons are given in the document why they chose not to reach out and thought it would be a bad idea. And while those may have truth to them, this post reads as if they don't feel guilt for how this might have impacted me.

Maybe I'm wrong, but if that is the case, then I'm genuinely thankful they didn't try to give me some fake apology they didn't mean. I don't need and don't want it.

That's not what I wanted to talk about though.

Yes, Cis-Identifying Headmates With Different Genders Than The Body's AGAB Are Still Oppressed In The Same Way Trans People Are!

Let's zero in on this...

i was so fucking upset, as a trans person, that she had repeatedly waxed about being and identifying as cis and then as soon as it benefit her claimed that she was oppressed in the same way trans people are.

Do you think that the reason trans people are oppressed is because cis people just really hate the word trans?

That if trans people just called themselves by a different label, they'd totally be accepted in society?

No. Of course not!

And likewise, just because cis-identifying headmates with different genders from the body's AGAB don't identify as trans, that doesn't mean that they aren't oppressed in the same way trans people are.

That doesn't mean they won't be directly impacted by the way society treats any GNC people, and even much of the transphobic legislation being passed right now!

Transphobia isn't actually hatred of just the people who call themselves trans. It's hatred of people with different genders from their AGAB and GNC people, regardless of if they call themselves transgender or not.

On Why I Identify as Cis...

First, the most obvious reason I identify as cis is because I am. As far as I'm concerned, my inner form is my true form. And it's always been assigned female. What our shared body's assigned gender is doesn't matter to me.

But I will make a confession: the reason I talk about being cis so much, the reason I flaunt it, is to make a statement.

There was a very infuriating bit of sysmed gatekeeping last year that argued that headmates can't identify as transgender if their gender is the same as their AGAB.

I found this incredibly hypocritical given that almost all systems have non-transgender headmates with differing genders from the body's AGAB, but they're not forced to label themselves as transgender.

At the same time, they also don't publicly call themselves cis despite feeling cis on the inside.

So my goal of bringing up being cis frequently is to challenge accepted norms for systems. To normalize publicly identifying as cis headmates, and by extension, to normalize headmates with the same gender as the body's AGAB identifying as trans.

If people have a problem with trans-identifying headmates with a different gender from their body's AGAB, then they should also have a problem with cis headmates with a different one. And that means the vast majority of the plural community.

I call myself cis, all the time, to get people to think seriously about how we conceptualize gender when it comes to systems.

But identifying as cis doesn't mean I don't experience gender dysphoria while fronting, nor does it magically stop me or any other cis-identifying headmates from being victims of the same oppression we would face if we identified as transgender instead.

On Having Room To Grow

It was nice to apologize to the other people who saw it.

But this apology still doubles down on some of the most harmful points. It denies the oppression systems with cis-identifying headmates face, and practically presents our gender identities as less valid than those of trans-identifying people.

And in this way, they fail to understand a huge part of WHY their original post was bad.

Yes, the fakeclaiming was awful, and could easily send people into derealization spirals. The language itself was cruel and verbally abusive.

But let's not ignore the huge problem with the premise itself. The whole ideology it's built on that the only way GNC people can be oppressed is by explicitly identifying as trans. That discrimination against systems for our genders isn't as bad as discrimination against transgender people.

And this is something that I sincerely hope the user and anyone in the system community who agrees with them, can grow out of.

The Original Post:

Oh, and no one in our system has ever used 4Chan. 🤷‍♀️

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