#took me so long to realise though that the episode title is a play on the name of that movie lol | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

destielshippingnews · 2 years

Text

Edvard's Supernatural Guide: 2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown

Supernatural’s twenty fourth episode is another one which I remembered dimly from my first watch between Christmas and New Year 2008. Dean and Sam walking along the road after ditching the car, the killer clown, and even Harvelle’s Roadhouse and the carnival were all familiar when I rejoined the show in 2015. What I did not remember, however, was how insufferable Sam is in this episode. I never cared at all for Sam even in 2008, but my indifference turned to hostility with this episode in 2015. It was only the second episode I watched as I got back into the show in London, but that was all it took for me to want to reach through the screen and slap Sam in the face with a fish. Things have only got worse in the seven years since, but beginnings are usually a prudent place to begin, ergo...

youtube

2x02 Everybody Loves a Clown begins at a carnival in Medford, Wisconsin (the same state 1x03 Dead in the Water and 1x18 Something Wicked were set in, and just across the river from Stillwater, Minnesota, where Donna lives and works. People who care about Swedish literature might also recognise Stillwater from The Emigrants series). The cold open begins with a red balloon bursting in front of the camera, and then a few shots of performers and clowns. It was not until rewatching this episode last night that I realised the very obvious reference to Stephen Kings IT which features red balloons associated with a killer clown prominently.

youtube

Of course, the ’clown’ in IT is not a clown at all, but an entity from the primordial chaos (The Prim) which existed before the universe who can adopt the disguise of a clown to lure in prey. Its true form is beyond our human capacity to perceive and understand, but its closest representative is a giant spider (almost definitely inspired by Ungoliantë and Shelob from Tolkien’s work). If we were to see its real form, we would be driven mad by it (in case you missed it, Stephen King is indeed a fan of Lovecraft. As was Tolkien, funnily enough). This is not especially relevant to this episode of Supernatural, but what is is the trauma It inflicted on the protagonists in the 1950s when they were children (I believe the years were changed in the recent remake with the Bill Skarsgård brother as Pennywise, but in the original novel from 1986 the adults are in the 1980s and the children in the 1950s).

The relevance I see IT having with this episode of Supernatural is both cosmetic but also thematic. Childhood trauma plays a significant role in IT, so much so that one of the adults dies by suicide rather than go back to Derry to face It. In the cold open of 2x02, a monster in clown form kills a child’s parents in front of her.

Not the most important or necessary reference to Stephen King we could have had, but let me repeat: a child sees her parents killed in front of her in the episode following John’s death in 2x01 In My Time of Dying. As if to drive this point home, the title card is immediately followed by John’s funeral pyre. As with the connection between Dean and Francis Dolarhyde/The Great Red Dragon I discussed in my analysis of 1x06 Skin, the show has made a connection between Dean, Sam, and the protagonists in IT who are dealing with fear and mental wounds left by experiences with monsters in childhood. I read the novel a decade ago when I could still read 1,400 pages in less than a month, but it still took me all this time to make the link.

The clown in this episode is not a clown at all, but rather a demon from India. Had Sam not told the viewer the rakshasa was Indian, I would have had no idea whatsoever because it had no Indian aesthetics at all. Even the man playing the rakshasa was white-skinned (though if American carnies are anything like their British and Irish peers, there is a chance a man looking like him had some Roma ancestry not too long ago). Episode 1x11 Scarecrow also suffered the same problem with its ’Scandinavian’ deity who had no Scandinavian aesthetics at all, but could instead have been anything from any mythos or any part of the world. Even though the townsfolk were supposed to be descendants of Scandinavian immigrants, there was not a single Dannebrog, Dalahäst, or Marius jumper to be seen. It really was to the episode’s detriment that the Indian vibes were conspicuous by their absence.

Also to the shows detriment was that it did not explore the nature of how the rakshasa lures in children in order to get to their parents. I eventually came to the conclusion that it must be enacting some variety of mind-control or subconscious suggestion on the children. When the girl is lying in bed, she is roused by a faint noise from outside which was barely audible. If we compare this to the girl in the cold open of 1x18 Something Wicked who filled her knickers with shepherd’s pie when she heard the shtriga outside at night, it appears more is going on than meets the eye. I had to come to this conclusion because no child is so stupid as to open the door to a homeless-looking clown at god knows what time of the night. Surely not.

Something Paula R. Stiles raises in her own analysis of this episode is the fact that Dean makes friends with the monster before he realises it is a monster. He will go on to do the same in 2x03 Bloodlust, and it must be alienating and deeply unsettling for him to befriend and form bonds with people who turn out to be monsters. What does that say about him? See above RE: Francis Dolarhyde.

My own view of that is Dean definitely has the potential to be a terrible person. A wish I had for the show was that Dean become the villain at some point, and by Dean I do not mean Dean posessed by an angel or Dean as a demon, but just normal Dean. People are not good because they are born good: they are good because they choose to be good. And vice versa. So what if Dean had chosen at some point to give in to the demons of his worse nature, perhaps in order to avoid dealing with his trauma and accepting that he was the victim of other people’s horrendous actions.

Dean is shown throughout the show having relationships of various kinds with monsters, demons, and ’bad’ people. This ’darkness’ is a part of him, and for years I hoped he would be allowed to release it and eventually be forced to fight against it. For those of you who have watched Buffy, this sounds a lot like Faith. Dean is both the Buffy and the Faith of Supernatural, but not for the first time and most definitely not for the last I am forced to sigh and say: Such potential, Supernatural. Such potential.

Also interesting is the fact that the rakshasa is very keen on not hitting Dean with its throwing knives, even when it has a clear shot. It also appears very keen on making sure Dean sees it gank Sam. Other than that, I have little to say about the rakshasa, but the way Dean and Sam worked together to kill it was believable and realistic. Neither of them was overpowered, but rather their coöperation in the funhouse saved the day. If their relationship were more like this, I would enjoy their brotherhood much more. They could and should have been the next Mulder and Scully (Dean was right, by the way: Sam is Scully, Dean is Mulder, though Sam could never even hold a candle to Scully).

Regarding Mulder and Scully, this episode brought to mind episode 2x20 Humbug of The X-Files, an episode directed by Kim Manners (producer and director of Supernatural) which centred on a murdered ’Alligator Man’ from a travelling circus. Like this episode of Supernatural, that episode features a final fight in a funhouse.

Perhaps more interesting is a comment made by the owner of the circus who says that his dad used to own a travelling freak show, until freak shows were made illegal and the ’freaks’ were sent to asylums. I cannot be the only person whose mind went to 1x10 Asylum and the ghosts of Dr Ellicot’s torture victims. American Horror Story – Freak Show also came to mind, as well as the fact that one or two characters seen in the freak show were also in American Horror Story – Asylum which was set a decade or two after Freak Show.

Moving swiftly on, this episode also introduced the Harvelles. I did not especially care about them when I first watched the show, nor upon rewatch in 2015 (or re-rewatch in 2015), and I have to unfortunately say I still do not care too much about them in 2022, even after watching the whole show four or five times. The biggest reason is the fact that they are not in prominent roles, and barely appear after episode 2x06 No Exit. Kripke has admitted on various occasions that he only included the Harvelles because the producers wanted the brothers to have a fixed location as a base of operations, a bit like the library in Buffy. He resented their presence on the show and could not think of anything to do with them.

This is a shame. At this point in the story, Dean and Sam are very familiar to the viewer, and other ancillary characters have been undeveloped and scarce. John is dead, Meg is exorcised, and Bobby is yet to become a recurring character. While Dean and Jensen’s acting can more than carry this show, having extra characters makes the world bigger and more vibrant, even if the characters in question are not especially important or heavily-featured.

Guinan in Star Trek: The Next Generation has very little plot relevance (at least in the episodes I have seen so far). She could be cut from the story and very little would change, but she provides wit and sage advice, a respite for the crew and audience from the main drama, and adds another voice to the story. Likewise, Lorne in Angel had very little to do with Angel Investigations for quite a while, but his presence livened up the show and made it all the richer.

My point is that the characters do not need to be essential to the plot to be included as more than a side-note. For example, Ash and Dean clearly bounce off each other in a way that begs to be explored more, and I would love to see more of Ellen. Jo is presented (unsuccessfully) as a potential love interest for Dean (as is Ash, but much more subtly), but her sisterly chemistry with the boys could be developed to great effect. If all we have is the essential plot and infrequent side notes, we have melody but no chords or embellishment.

Unfortunately, Jo was not written well as a potential love interest for Dean, and some of the female fans hated Jo with Dean. Even Jensen has referred to this in an oblique manner. At a Jus in Bello convention panel, somebody asked him whether he could see Dean settling down with somebody at any point. His response was that ’If there were ever a huntress... you would all kill her.’

One of the problems I have with Jo is that she is not introduced in a positive light. Rather, she reminds me too much of a character who is supposed to be a Bad Ass Bitch, but who is actually a douchenozzle.

youtube

She clearly does not know how to use a gun properly as Dean points out, and because she has the barrel jammed into his back

Dean’s line ’Oh, please let that be a gun’ also raised question marks, especially given the show’s subtle hints that Dean was forced into something akin to prostitution, and the likelihood he was almost date-raped at one point when very much underage. It could have been simply a joke, but it makes one wonder what else Dean has had jammed into his back against his will.

I am so happy John is burning in Hell. Burn, motherfrakker, burn!

Of course, right after Dean disarms Jo, she punches him in the face, which is not surprising considering she made the assumption he was...what, an intruder? A murderer? A rapist? I have no idea, nobody ever says why Ellen and Jo were so suspicious. Dean and Sam hardly made a secret of their being in the Harvelles’ pub, nor were they acting shifty. Was this just more manufactured drama? Probably. Anyway, Jo smacks Dean in the face hard enough to hurt him, because a tiny slip of a girl can easily punch a tall man in the face hard enough to hurt and phase him like that. At least she can take a punch, though, showing the viewer that she actually is on an equal footing with the male characters around her. She punched Dean in the face, and he punched her right back.

Oh wait, no he did not. Why? What reason is there for Dean to not hit her back afterwards, especially considering she took the gun back (how?)? Is this a chivalrry thing? Is this because Jo’s a girl and boys cannot hit girls or something? Is that what this is? Because the only other reason I can think of is that the writer did not want Dean decking his potential love interest at first meeting? If he had done that, it would have reset her brain back to factory settings, but it would also have shown the viewer that not only can Jo punch like a man, she can also take a hit like a man and keep going, just like Meg.

But of course we cannot have women being treated as men’s equals on television. Sure we can have them disarming a 6”1’ squirrel whose life has revolved around fighting, but actually having them able to take a man’s punches would just be too too damn much. They are only girls after all, we cannot expect them to be able to take that kind of treatment.

So let us take a brief look at Big Sky.

youtube

The two lead characters Jenny and Cassie are both women, and neither of them is ever treated as less competent or dangerous than the men around them. They definitely not male characters in women’s bodies, but they can absolutely fire a gun, take a punch, and put their lives in danger to save others. They never do anything stupid (unlike Jo in 2x06 No Exit), and I am completely behind them as characters. The show does sort of have a problem with almost all of the bad guys being men and almost all the victims being women. Beau’s (Jensen’s character’s) old-fashioned assumptions about women not knowing cars and Jenny getting uppity when he called her ’darlin’ was a little on-the-nose and unrealistic, but it was not too distracting.

Anyway, speaking of ’on-the-nose’, Jo offers no apology for assaulting Dean based on false assumptions, but rather proceeds to look smug as he sits with an ice pack pressed against his head. Was I supposed to laugh at the ice pack? Was I supposed to think ’haha, big muscly man got hit by a girl’? And was I also supposed to think that Jo was strong, capable, and dangerous?

If it is funny that she hit him, then it cannot be true that she is strong, otherwise what is there to laugh about? It cannot be funny that she hurt Dean, otherwise her strength is undermined.

This is one of the oxymorons and contradictions I was very aware of growing up with a penis. Girls are super and can do anything boys can do. They can do it better, in fact, because boys are stupid and you should throw rocks at them. The girl power of the 1990s was all about female chauvinism, as I discussed in my essay about Max kicking Alec in Dark Angel. But at the same time, boys should not hit girls because boys are stronger than girls, and only gays and wife-beaters hit girls. So are girls on an equal footing with boys? Or are they delicate little flowers to be shielded and protected from us? Make your choice and stick with it.

Having grown up with five sisters, one of whom set fire to the girls’ toilets at secondary school, one of whom managed to piss on the floor while sitting on the toilet, and one who sometimes did not flush the toilet after menstruating, I have no illusions about them being precious, delicate flowers.

Taking a step away from the lavotory for a moment, why was this Dean-bashing in the episode following John’s death? Jo hits Dean, the carnies have fun at Dean’s expense (with Sam letting them do it), Sam’s a douche. Tell me Dean is supposed to be the sidekick character without telling me he was supposed to be the sidekick character. About half the new characters in this episode specifically target Dean for ’jokes’ and jibes, whereas none of this is aimed at Sam. The more I write these analyses, the less I feel inclined to apologise for hyperfocusing on Dean and giving Sam short shrift: the show treated Dean like something it stepped in, and I want to redress the balance.

Jo also tries hitting on Dean (a completely tactless move given his dad has only just died), but it comes across more as a ’I am so hot and everybody wants to get in my knickers’ brag than ’Sorry I hit you in the face, would you like me to give you a massage to relieve your tension?’ She seems boastful, especially her claim that every hunter who comes through the door tries to get into her knickers with beer, pizza, and Led Zeppelin. I think I can see what the writer of this episode (and the writers in general) were trying to do with Jo, but it did not work. She seemed more like a try-hard and an amateur than a competent hunter-in-training who would be a romantic match for Dean. She is more like a sister, and even Dean realises this quite early on in this episode. He says ’wrong time, wrong place’, but his heart does not seem to be in any of his flirtations. This is most probably a mix of acting out of habit, being recently bereaved, and there being nothing between them.

Apropos Led Zeppelin, if Dean tried beer, pizza, and Zep with me, we would be upside-down and halfway to Happyland within five minutes.

Please note also, Dear Reader, that Ellen said John ’was like family once’. Whatever could that mean? Well, John has one confirmed illigitimate child named Adam: is Jo John’s daughter and Dean and Sam’s half-sister? Perhaps.

As for Ash, if you stop assuming Dean is straight unless proven 100% otherwise, the interactions between him and Ash are unmistakably flirty. They compliment each other (calling Ash a Skynyrd roadie is a big compliment from Dean), Dean gives him flirt-face, and there is even a wink involved. Ash makes a reference to ‘being all over it like Divine on dog dookie’, this being a reference to drag queen Divine who ate dog poo in the gay cult film Pink Flamingos. Why would he make this reference if he was not sure Dean would get it?

youtube

Dean enters Harvelle’s Roadhouse and has both Jo and Ash wrapped around his finger in minutes. That kind of power should be illegal.

Moving on, John’s funeral pyre scene at the beginning of the episode shows how like chalk and cheese Dean and Sam are. Sam is more obvious with his bereavement, his tears flowing freely and his grief plain to see on his face (why did we have none of this after Jess died?). Dean, however, is stony, stoic silence. He will receive a lot of bother from Sam for this ’strong, silent’ act, but even knowing what John told him and where Dean goes in the next few episodes, neither brother’s reaction here seems out of the ordinary. Crying about your dad’s death is normal, as is not crying about it. Sam’s inability to understand other people’s grief does not negate that.

Apropos Sam’s inability to understand expressions of grief that are not obvious, this is the source of the conflict between him and Dean in this episode, and it is the thing which caused my detestation-induced tumescence to reach full-mast. Sam stans, gird your loins and come at me.

Dean reticence and Sam’s mainstream, easily-digested expression of grief contrast sharply. Sam is supposed to be the general viewer’s gateway into the Winchesters’ parallel world, and he is used as a tool by the writers to give information about Dean that Dean would not reveal of his own volition, e.g. that he loved Cassie in 1x13 Route 666.

This is all well and good from a Doyle (extra-textual) perspective, but from a Watson (from inside the story) perspective, Sam’s behaviour when trying to get Dean to talk about his feelings is controlling, manipulative and downright disrespectful. That it is also self-absorbed goes without saying. I understand John Shiban who wrote this episode wanted to draw attention to the fact Dean was not talking about his feelings, but what he accomplished is creating a character who behaves as though he wants to dictate how others should process their bereavement and grief.

According to Dean, Sam had been asking him repetitively whether or not he was alright to the point of pestering him. On the one hand, Sam was grieving too and likely needed to share it with Dean, but as far as we know, he did not do this. Had he sat down near Dean while Dean fixed the car and said something along the lines of ‘Can I just sit here, maybe talk sometimes if I need to? I don’t want to be alone’, things would have been very different. Had Dean’s response been a snarky comment (which it almost certainly would not have been if he could sense Sam was serious), then Sam would be justified in being pissy.

Perhaps this happened and the viewer never saw it, but what we did see was Sam not respecting that the person he was speaking to was an adult and had no obligation to behave in a way comfortable or convenient to Sam. Dean made it clear he did not want to talk, as is his prerogative. Had Sam backed down then, I would have less of a quarrel with him. He is, after all, very young to be burdened with bereavement, especially so soon after his possibly-pregnant girlfriend died, and he is permitted an ounce of stupidity. However, rather than giving his brother space, he (in true Sam fashion) escalated the situation by turning it into a shouting match. I was considering giving him some lenience, but in the blink of an eye he was a sanctimonious fishwife. I wanted to rip my ears off and ram them down his throat. Was this in the script or was it Jared’s acting choices? Either way, I want to speak to the manager.

Their first argument in the episode is understandable, and the conflict forgivable. They are both young and suffering an immense loss. Nobody in that situation is going to act rationally, sensibly, or indeed decently all the time. In times like that, the facade that life means something falls away, as do our pretences that anything we do matters, and we are left facing the indifference of the universe. It takes its toll to skirt that close to the void, so Sam’s irritating behaviour and Dean’s prickly but reasonable withdrawal are not to be held against them. Had Sam kept his mouth shut after Dean shut it for him at the beginning of the episode, I would not have much quarrel with Sam.

But not only did he refuse to let up, he once again escalated the situation halfway through the episode by outright demanding Dean process his loss in a way Sam believes is appropriate.

For those of you who have forgotten, this happens after Dean and Sam stake out the young family’s home and hilariously blast the rakshasa through the glass door with a rock salt round. They ditch the ‘soccer mom’ minivan in some trees somewhere and walk back to the Harvelles’ (which is apparently located in Nebraska, a whole two states away from Wisconsin). Whilst walking down a dirt road, Sam gets all misty eyed and cringey about ‘doing what Dad would have wanted’. Dean does not really respond to this, instead falling silent in what anybody with more empathy that a teaspoon could tell is a declaration that he does not want to talk about it.

youtube

Sam, of course, being the small yappy-type dog he is, yips and yaps at Dean for this. ‘Don’t go all maudlin on me, man.’

I am not a violent man, but there is just something about Sam’s behaviour which brings the violence to the fore. My response to Sam’s ’maudlin’ comment involved a certain curse word which one is not allowed to say in Canada. He is a yapping chihuahua who has not learnt that yapping at a German Shepherd is a sure way to get a giant paw in your face. I wish Dean had decked Sam in the middle of the road and left him in the dirt for that. Dean’s dad just died and Sam has the audacity to call him ’maudlin’ when Dean is the one keeping himself in check and not bringing John up all the time.

Far be it from me to bring gendered behaviour into these analyses, but I think one of the big issues here is that Sam does not understand how men tend to deal with emotions. He is far from being alone in this, as contrary to popular belief, many experiences and behaviours exclusive or most common among men are not portrayed as the norm or the default. I have had to learn a lot about men and men’s psychology as an adult because I plainly did not have any exposure to it in childhood. I am cissexual, but this is something my trans friend and I share: we had to learn this for ourselves because nobody taught us it. Perhaps because I had to learn this like a second language, I can recognise a lot in Dean which is typical of men, or rather masculine people (because man =/= masculine and masculine =/=man).

Dean insists on multiple occasions in this episode that he is ‘okay’, and many people take this to be a clear lie, or a man repressing his emotions, or a man not being able to understand or process his emotions. What I hear him say, though, is ‘I’m coping’, and that is a very different thing. Of course he is not ‘alright’ if by ‘alright’ one means he is not suffering immensely after the loss of one of the most important people in his life. He is (or believes he is) managing to keep his head above water.

There is, however, an aspect of pretending to be ‘okay’ because he does not want people to pry. This is nothing unusual, but is normal behaviour for men. It is a truism that women do not want to have sex before they are ready, otherwise they feel cheapened; likewise men do not want to talk about our emotions before we are ready, otherwise we feel cheapened. Even when we do talk, most people are not listening anyway, and some are looking for things they can use as weapons against us. It takes a lot for a man to trust a person enough to talk openly to him or her (or whatever variation thereupon takes your fancy), and do let us not forget that Sam has given Dean little reason to believe he can be trusted with Dean’s vulnerability.

Not only has Sam been physically aggressive without provocation (1x08 Bugs), shot at him twice without ever offering real apology (1x10 Asylum), and belittled Dean’s bereavement at Mary’s death (1x11 Scarecrow), but he acts like an overgrown teenager. Worse, he attacked Dean after Dean refused to share his grief with Sam, a sure-fire sign that Sam does not have Dean’s best interests at heart or in mind, but rather wants something for himself. He is not able to offer Dean the surety, calmness, and reliability he would need in order to allow himself to be vulnerable and confide in his brother, any more than I would lean on my teenage nephew for emotional support whilst newly orphaned.

Something which sprang to mind when thinking of Dean’s bereavement was Men’s Sheds, an international organisation which arranges spaces for men (usually exclusively men).

youtube

The point of this is to give mainly older and elderly men whose support network of friends and family is gone due to death, divorce, or whatever else a community of other men in similar positions a time and space to get together and work on DIY projects, fix cars, or just have a cup of tea and watch football with other men. It is usually specifically for men for the same reasons women have female-specific groups: straight, gay, bi, cis, and trans men can be more comfortable and communicate easier in single-sex company because they are around people who speak the same language as them and share the same experiences. Men’s Sheds are built around the idea that men talk shoulder to shoulder, not face to face. What this means is that men form bonds with other men by working on things with them, and eventually will start talking when sufficiently comfortable.

Crying is also something which comes harder to most men than it seems to for women. Our tear ducts are longer and wider, our tear glands smaller, and our bodies do not produce as much of the hormone which induces the crying reaction. The aforementioned trans friend was shocked at how much harder it was for him to cry once he had been on testosterone for a while. Trying to cry was like trying to defecate whilst constipated. I cry, but only once or twice a year, and when I do there are usually very few tears. Emotions have to be relieved elsewise.

Anger is one of the most common ways men relieve these emotions. People are scared of anger, particularly men’s anger, but anger is neither good nor bad: it just is. Anger is the body’s way of helping you focus and on finding a solution to a problem, using physical force if necessary. A solution to dealing with these negative emotions is finding something to focus energy on, such as gardening, building a model railway, fixing the roof, or fixing a car.

Fixing the car is exactly what Dean is doing as the episode proper begins. As he himself states:

DEAN

...You got any leads on where the demon is? Making heads or tails of any of Dad's research? Because I sure ain't. But you know, if we do finally find it - oh. No, wait, like you said. The Colt's gone. But I'm sure you've figured out another way to kill it. We've got nothing, Sam. Nothing, okay? So you know the only thing I can do? Is I can work on the car.

Doing something like this can make a person feel capable, needed, and strong enough to keep going. Jordan Peterson gives the example of a young man who lost his father; Jordan’s advice to the son was to be the strongest, most reliable person at his father’s funeral. In being a support for other people, the son felt needed and had something to focus on. This helped him more than any amount of crying or chick-flick moments, and this is – generally speaking – true of men. We do not really want to talk about our emotions for talking’s sake. We want to find ways to solve the problems our emotions are telling us we are having. Or, failing that, find a way to make us feel strong enough to shoulder our burden and carry on.

This accounts for part of the silent, stoic act Sam gets angry about. Dean does not want to fall apart under the weight of his grief: he wants to keep himself and his inner workings in check so he can either find a solution to his problems or find the strength to carry on. Add to this the fact Dean cannot rely on anybody to pick him back up if he falls apart – definitely not Sam – and it is reasonable and frankly admirable that Dean manages to screw his testicles on every morning and keep going at near full capacity. I will try to emulate his strength the day I have to carry my dad’s coffin to his grave.

Dean’s way of coping is a traditionally masculine way of managing difficult emotions: keep control and keep going. Being able to do this generally helps men many orders of magnitude more than talking, because it makes us feel strong. This is, however, officially pathologised in American psychiatric circles, and ideas of ‘toxic masculinity’ have been leaking out into the mainstream for years. If people spoke instead of ‘men and women’s poisonous expectations and demands of men’, then we would suddenly be on the same page. But I see nothing ‘poisonous’ or ‘toxic’ in Dean not falling apart and weeping like a helpless damsel who just needs the right man’s penis to solve all her problems. Rather, it is a different but equally valid way of doing things.

That said, everybody needs an environment in which talking, crying, and relying on others is possible, acceptable, and encouraged if needed and wanted. I speak from experience. Dean does not have this: he cannot rely on or trust Sam. It is all well and good saying ‘you need to talk’, but to whom can Dean talk to and trust to be able to cope with what he has to say?

Nobody.

In this very episode, Sam showed Dean clearly that he does not have his back when the carnies started making fun of him in front of Sam. I was supposed to laugh at this, but after Dean had just lost his father?!?! Frak you, Show. Frak you with something hard and sand-papery.

By the way, if you want funny, this is funny!

In my opinion, Dean’s method is much healthier than Sam’s manipulative grief-policing, at least in the short term. Sam displays no sympathy or understanding of Dean, and is clearly not in control of himself. He lacks control of himself to such a degree that he tries to control other people instead. Sometimes Sam appears to genuinely love and care for Dean, but too often he treats his older brother like an embarrassing irritation he wishes he could control.

That being said, Dean is clearly not okay, but nothing about his behaviour in this episodes is untoward or unusual for a man who has just come back from the dead and whose father has just died. We will have to wait until episode 2x03 Bloodlust and 2x04 Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things to see that there is more than ‘normal’ bereavement at play, and do let us not forget 2x09 Croatoan.

The episode ends with a scene where Sam almost apologises to Dean for being a rectal irrigation implement and admitting how much he is struggling with John’s death.

youtube

Were it not for his douchey behaviour earlier in the episode, I might have been willing to give him a pass after this, but I still have his screechy fishwife act ringing in my ears. Perhaps I sound as though I am taking this personally, but I have been in a situation like Dean where I was ‘okay’ but somebody kept pestering me to talk in spite of my clearly not wanting to. Said person then got angry at me, shouted at me, and bitched about me in front of other people, all because s/he would not leave me be and could not accept not being in control of me. I recognise a lot of poisonous behaviour and attitudes in Sam which I have dealt with in my real life, and I am not here for them.

Something else I recognised was Sam’s attempt at control at the end. He said ‘I’m not okay’, which would have been all well and good, but he had to finish it with a ‘But neither are you. That much I know.’ Good for you, Captain Obvious, you are Big Smart. Unfortunately what you lack is empathy and wisdom. It is hard enough keeping oneself together and carrying on, but having other people see right through that, prying and poking, makes the whole ordeal a bigger challenge. Letting people maintain their illusion of structural integrity is sometimes the wise choice.

At the end of the episode, Dean watches Sam leave, then smashes the window of a nearby car with a hammer. Once that seal is broken, it is impossible to turn back the tide, and Dean inflicts serious damage on the car he has spent so long repairing. Why exactly he does this is uncertain, but a combination of grief and anger is obvious. The car is a lot of things to Dean: it is his prized possession, his home, and a representation of the burden John placed on him. Paula R. Stiles notes also that he focuses his attention on smashing the boot where all the hunting implements are kept, suggesting anger and a host of other emotions relating to being forced into the hunting life. She also mentioned that he stared after Sam before smashing his car up, but this could just have been him making sure his brother was out of sight and earshot.

The closing shot of the episode is of the blank death-stare Jensen is so good at doing. Forgive the cliché, but the best word I can summon to mind to describe his expression is ‘empty’: he has too many thoughts in his mind for any of them to be coherent. He has lost all hope, and the burden of becoming a fratricide when his identity has been formed around protecting and providing for others is tearing him apart. He is also likely aware as early as this that John traded his life and the colt for Dean, and Dean has already been living with survivor’s guilt since 1x12 Faith. He believes he should suffer for others, but others are suffering for him, and he believes he will have to kill those he wanted to protect. He cannot express any of this in words, not even conceptualise it. so all that remains is a blank, thousand-mile stare.

Dean’s structural integrity is compromised, and the centre cannot hold. Watch it unravel over the course of series two. But before you go and forget everything you just read, I have enough gifs remaining to share this:

Look at his wee little outfit!

#Youtube #edvard's supernatural guide #spn meta #spn rewatch #spn 2x02 #jo harvelle #dean winchester #supernatural #sam winchester #IT #stephen king #rakshasa #male psychology #s02e02 #2x02 everybody loves a clown #dean is bi #bi!dean

17 notes · View notes

fezwearingjellybananas · 2 months

Note

Get to know the writer 2 13 19 27 75 💞

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

I try and have a general plan of where things are going, but I don't necessarily plan individual chapters, I just put in breaks sometimes if it feels like a good moment (which is why Sweet Defiance is over 25k all in one chapter, I just kept writing and didn't really stop and think I need a break at any point, and I didn't realise how long it was until it was done. The Night Shift is also over 25k all in one chapter, and that's mostly because I didn't pick a point to break it up while I was writing and partly because I did actually consider splitting it into chapters when I looked at the word count part way through and during editing, probably three chapters, but the chapter titles that made sense from where I probably would have split it for the first two were Overground and Underground and then I couldn't think of a third title because I just kept getting the Wombles stuck in my head instead, so I scraped the chapters).

The exception for planning individual chapters was the Milk and Sugar 'verse, but that's because I used the episodes from canon as a lay-out for the chapters, and I planned all the fics out as I was going, though some still changed at the last minute because I had a different idea that fit what I had already written more.

13. What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?

Use said. It's definitely something I've been trying to add more and more- when I first started writing fic I was still using the way we learnt in school where you only need the dialogue tags at the start and you just alternate paragraphs and you should be able to make it clear who is speaking from that, but throwing in extra saids every so often makes it much clearer, so it's something I have been consciously working on trying to do more for a while.

19. What is the most-used tag on your ao3?

Alternate Universe- Canon Divergent. It's the one I find most fun to play around with, how will changing this part of the story here ripple out to change the rest of it

27. What is your most and least favorite part of writing?

I enjoy writing, that's why I do it, so it's actually hard to pick a favourite and I tend to have a different answer every time I get asked, but when you first get an idea and sit down to write and know this one's going to be fun, that's pretty good.

I guess least favourite, maybe editing when there's a lot of it? I use the read aloud function to edit, because I've found before I've clicked the wrong correction on spell check and not noticed until someone else has told me before, and it's a lot easier to hear when words are wrong than it is to see. And because I like to be able to jump back and forth as I write a little, I will write the whole thing then post it, so my last big fic, Gone in a Flash, is 78k and 29 chapters, which I ended up splitting so I would edit one chapter fully, then post it the following day (reading the whole thing again when I copied it into the AO3 text box), and after posting I would go and listen to and fully edit the next chapter. Which did work as a system, and I don't mind editing, I think it's just I had been working on it for a year, I was excited to finally share it, and there was this part still to do even though it felt finished, and because there was a lot of doing that there were a few parts it felt repetitive.

75. What scene in [Fanfic Name] took the longest to write? What was difficult about it?

Sticking with Gone in a Flash, it had a few sticky moments, but I think when I got to Chapter 13/14, it felt like I was writing myself into a corner, there was only one option for where the characters could go from here but it wouldn't go their way, so I rewrote a few parts from Chapter 12 onwards a few times and it still kept circling back to this is where the plot wants them to be.

Luckily time travelling is a common thing in any Flash media and it was already part of the fic, so shifting the end of Chapter 14 to have some time travel meant they still ended up at that point, but there was a way to take it forwards from there (by going backwards again)

Thank you!

[Writing Asks]

#replies #vinnie2757 #*

1 note · View note

secretsandwriting · 3 years

Text

So I’m testing some new things out with this so you guys will have to tell me what you think!

I’ve also come to the conclusion that while Timothee isn’t my favorte celebrity I like writing for him.

Also, I have no idea how movie premieres work so this is really just a guess and could be completely wrong.

Word Count - 1609

Beta Read - by google docs

Navigating through the crowded streets of New York was getting to be something you were good at. Moving there had definitely been a culture shock but after getting used to it, it was pretty nice. But now, you needed to get coffee and work on your French for one of your classes.

Ordering and setting yourself up, you started the assigned video and prayed it would make sense and you wouldn’t have to add another hour or two of study to your already full schedule. But as fate would have it, it sounded like gibberish.

Restarting the video to try again, you were pulled out of your studies by a burning sensation going down your arm. Pulling out your headphones you looked down at your arm to brown soaking into the sleeve.

“I’m so sorry!” The guy in front of you looked familiar but due to his mask it took a moment for it to sink in. Timothee Chalamet. He was an actor, but that wasn’t important. What was important? He knew french.

“That’s not important. Do you have any free time right now? I know you know french and I need to learn it and this makes no sense and it’s due in two hours.” You definitely caught him off guard, but he checked his phone.

“I have an hour.” He pulled a chair over and you handed him one of your earbuds. For the next hour he helped you, he was a lot better than the video your teacher had given you.

“Here,” he handed you a slip of paper. “If you need more help just text me and I’ll help when I can.”

“Thank you! With your help, I’ll at least pass.” He laughed and you said your goodbyes before he went on his way and you worked on finishing the rest of your homework.

While you worked, you didn’t notice the girls in the corner watching you with their phones out and slightly pointed at you.

The next day, you almost regretted asking Timothee for help when you woke up to your phone being blown up by friends and social media. There were multiple pictures of you and Timothee as well as multiple dating theories. One of the notifications stood out, Timothee had messaged you on Instagram.

You didn’t really talk until your next assignment came and you texted him about it. Together you decided to meet at one of the libraries. This time you knew that you would be spending time with a celebrity and people would notice so you made sure you at least looked alive. That way if there were pictures posted online at least you wouldn’t look like too much of a mess. Apparently Timothee noticed.

“You look nice.”

“Well, the chances of pictures being taken are pretty big so I at least want to look alive and not like I just rolled out of bed.” He snorted and you chatted for a few minutes before getting to work.

This time it was a bigger assignment so it took a few hours instead of one. But it didn’t seem to be so long, it felt like time had flown by and it was finished immediately. Timothee was interesting, you two could have fun but when needed it could be serious.

So when you split ways and Timothee started texting you an hour later, you didn’t feel like he was trying anything. It just felt like you were talking to a friend you had known for years. Then, you had plans to hang out two days later when he was free. The plan was to got to a park and play with kids and act like a kid, simply to feel like you didn’t have so much on your plate and could just have fun for an afternoon.

The interview he asked you about, was before you were meeting to go to a park and act like you were children, not adults who had jobs and college. But that was the plan, and exactly what you did.

The two of you ended up chasing each other until all the other kids at the park wanted to play with the two of you. The parents watched the two of you close when you played with them but that was to be expected.

Timothee was good with kids. Not just good, amazing. All the little girls were absolutely in love with him while all the boys were amazed by how strong he was.

However, as most people know. Kids have no filter, therefore they ask any question that comes to their brain. Hence the 30 different times you had to tell them that you weren’t dating and you were just friends having fun. Some of the parents seemed to think so too, one of them basically told you.

“Thank you for playing with Maggie, she had a blast and she’ll probably sleep well tonight.” The lady looked relieved at the thought. “You and your boyfriend would be good with kids if you decide to have them.”

“He’s not my boyfriend. We just met a month ago and we just came here to have some fun.” She nodded but you could tell she didn’t believe you. Trying to ignore what she said you turned and went back to playing with the kids.

It was after two hours of playing different games, the two of you decided that you were out of energy. Timothee offered getting a meal and you agreed. And that’s how you ended up in a Mcdonalds.

For the next few months, you would meet up for assignments or just to hang out. The press had a hayday with it but after a while it was easy to ignore and then it became more fun to do funny poses every once in a while.

Then he had to go work on a movie so your contact was left to text, phone calls, and facetime. It worked but it wasn’t as good as meeting in person. He still helped with your french until the semester was over part way through his movie.

“Timmy!!! I passed!!!” You held up your phone to the camera on your computer so he could see through his screen. It was amazing and you owed it all to him. Last semester you had barely passed and that had been with 4 times the amount of studying then you had done today. Timothee was godsent.

“Yes! You did it!” You celebrated for a little bit before he got serious. “Y/n, since you passed I know what we can do to celebrate. When this is over, you should come as my plus one to the movie premiere.”

“The movie premiere?!” He nodded, you could see how nervous he was in his eyes. “I have one question.” He nodded, waiting for you to ask. “What am I supposed to wear.” He snorted.

“I’ll talk with my manager and see what he says.” So that was the plan. You kept talking with him, but now it was less about school and more for the fun of it.

When the movie premiere came close Timothee got an answer to your question. Though he almost seemed hesitant to tell you.

“You just have to go get measured and go to a few fittings. The brand making my suit is making you a matching dress.” You would be matching with Timothee sure, you were going as his plus one, or date depending on who you ask. But brand? This dress sounded like it was going to cost more than your college tuition.

“Ok, when and where do I need to go?” He gave you his manager’s private number so you talk straight with him and get all the details. Little did you know, that that was the beginning of the storm.

Somehow it got out that you were going with Timothee and even getting matching outfits. Soon, your phone was being blown up by people trying to get details and even shows asking you to come on and talk about it. Timothee’s manager called you and offered to be your manager until this all calmed down, mostly because this affected Timothee but the offer was still appreciated and accepted.

He texted you a link and told you to post it in all of your public social media bios titled ‘Manager’s contact’. While it wasn’t something most celebrities did, you had just been dragged into this. It would start as a base line until things were figured out.

Through this mess, Timothee kept apologizing even when you said it was ok and it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. You thought the manager would be enough but then you ended up sharing Timothee’s booking agent too. Apparently everyone wanted to talk with you.

A few days after agreeing, you learned that the episode would be realised a week before the premiere, but hopefully it would go well. You were also told that Timothee would be doing the interview with you which made you feel a lot better.

Timothee came back the day before you had to fly to California so you were going to let him take the day to rest because frankly it was a lot, but he showed up at your door with his suitcase. He hadn’t even gone home.

“Timmy! What are you doing he-” He cut you off.

“Can I kiss you?” What? That wasn’t what you expected. While you stood there staring at him completely confused, he started shifting around a little bit and playing with his hands.

“Yeah.” That’s all it took for him to get his confidence back.

Request:

Hey, I really love your writing.

Can I request something with Thimothée Chalamet? Maybe like they meet at a coffee shop and he accidentally spills his coffee on her and then they become friends and they progressively fall in love with each other? If you can’t I understand.

Thank you 🤍

#timothee chalamet x reader #timothee chalamet x y/n #timothee chalamet x you #timothee chalamet imagine #timothee chalamet

113 notes · View notes

amysteriousmessenger · 3 years

Text

‘Oral Frustrations’ - Saeran Choi x Reader (NSFW 18+)

Title: Oral Frustrations

Pairing: Saeran Choi/ implied female reader

Rating: NSFW

CW: oral sex, throatfucking

Word count: 4.8k

You sat at the vanity dresser in your room, idly brushing your hair. It had been a quiet night. Since you’d become Saeran’s official ‘assistant’ nee ‘toy’, other believers had been a lot less willing to talk to you. He still called you ‘toy’, but at least you had an actual title too. You found that the role of ‘assistant’ had come as the two of you entered into a rather unusual relationship.

It was obvious that you were together, but without the frequent softness of a normal couple, not that you weren’t willing to try: Saeran was unwilling to accept. You’d been together for around six months and he had become a lot less cruel in your time together. He didn’t regulate your food anymore, but he did demand your time whenever he was free, which was usually to sit and eat your meals with him or entertain him when he was bored. He was lonely, you could tell that. He didn’t come to torment you, but begrudgingly sat in your company. Which wasn’t a big deal to you, since you wanted to see him and it wasn’t as though you had anything else to do other than run errands for him and wander around Magenta. He wasn’t the best conversational partner, but little by little, you were getting to know each other on a more emotional level. You didn’t have access to the RFA chatrooms anymore, but that was alright. They were liars. Traitors. A danger to Mint Eye who needed their own salvations, and you knew Saeran would bring them to it.

Glancing at the clock, you saw that it was already almost two o’clock in the morning, so you figured you may as well head to bed. Saeran brought you items and clothes in the same way that Ray had, but they were certainly not to the same taste. The nightclothes that Saeran brought you were various sets of the same black, slightly transparent lace nightdresses. They barely covered your ass, and when you told him that these weren’t nightclothes, he’d told you to shut up and be grateful. And whilst you were more and willing to admit that they were very nice, they were basically lingerie, and very Saeran. You guessed, however, that it was his slightly tense way of saying he thought you’d look nice in them, so he’d gotten them for you. At one point, he re-updated your access card so you had access to the Mint Eye library so you could read if you got bored. He didn’t particularly care what you did, as long as you were there when he wanted you to be.

You weren’t sure how this relationship of yours began, but you knew that there were most certainly feelings involved that Saeran refused to work through, which is what continued this odd tango of torment. You were attracted to him, that was for certain, and you knew he felt the same, though he couldn’t admit it. Admitting it to himself would mean exposing himself to the vulnerability of feelings that he had worked so hard to repress. You’d help him, if only he’d ask for help.

You dressed yourself for bed, brushing your teeth and cleaning your face. You’d just turned off the ceiling light, leaving only a small bedside lamp to illuminate the room, when a sudden rasp had come at the door, demanding your attention. You knew it was Saeran, since you’d come to recognise his knock by now, but it was still late so you quickly wrapped a dark dressing gown around yourself in case there were other Believers in the corridor. There were several reasons as to why Saeran visited you during the night, sometimes he’d want company under the guise of being ‘entertained’, other times he was having an episode and wasn’t entirely in control of himself and sought you out just to taunt you, but never to the extent that he originally had done. There were other nights when the elixir had been too much for him and he’d just want someone to lay in the bed with him whilst he shivered and coughed himself to sleep. These were the times where you’d often woken up in the morning to find him wrapped around you, pressing you to his chest in his difficult sleep. And then a few times a week, he just wanted to fuck. As you reached for the door, you wondered which reason you were going to be greeted with tonight.

‘I had to put a dressing gown on in case anyone was outside.’ You moved, making way for him and closing the door once he had entered. It was late. Saeran rarely slept at the best of times, but you always tried to be awake for him during the nights when he came to visit because that was when he struggled the most. If you weren’t awake, he’d either wake you up to talk to him or silently climb into the other side of your bed, not wanting to be alone in his own room.

‘Well, good evening, Princess . Nice of you to answer the door.’ Saeran sarcastically stressed ‘Princess’ with a grin before making his way into your room, carrying a small black bag.

‘ I was outside.’ He chided as he sat himself down on the side of your bed, placing the black bag neck to him.

‘Someone other than you.’ You clarified, knowing how pedantic he could be when the mood suited him.

‘Oh, forgive me, I didn’t realise you were expecting other guests. At this time of night.’ He cocked his eyebrow at you and tilted his head to the side, but he was clearly in a good mood today. He held out one arm to signal that he wanted you to come closer. Even in the dim light of the large room, his eyes stood out more than anything. The piercing mint shining in the darkness. There was a certain playfulness in his eyes that sent an electric shock of excitement straight down your spine.

‘You know I wouldn’t let anyone other than you in at this time of night anyway. I just meant that I didn’t want anyone else to see me dressed like this.’ You moved into grasp, and his hand immediately undid your dressing gown before placing itself onto your waist.

‘Oh, so you want me to see you dressed like that? What a naughty Princess you are.’ Saeran dragged his eyes down from your face to look over your body, slowing to bite his lip as he glanced over your chest and thighs.

‘You know what I mean.’ You lifted a hand to him and his eyes followed as you placed it onto his shoulder, your fingertips lightly playing with the collar.

‘Why would that matter? It’s not like they haven’t heard you moan for me before.’ He grinned, causing you to blush at his words, his hand suddenly pulling you closer to him so that his face was almost touching your abdomen from where he was sitting on the bed. He looked up at you, a slightly unhinged smile suddenly forming. ‘I want to have some fun tonight. What do you say, won’t you entertain me, Toy?’ Ah. It was one of those night s. Certainly, these nights were some of your favourites.

‘What did you have in mind?’ You smiled, returning his playful gaze, albeit a little shyly.

‘Hmm. You can start by getting on your knees and then we can go from there.’ He let go of your waist, moving his hand towards the back of your neck to pull you into a kiss, which you happily obliged. His lips were chapped, but lively, and tasted slightly sweet which you assumed was from some sugary dessert he had eaten to keep his energy up earlier. You immediately melted into the kiss, savouring the warmth of his lips against yours. He continued to kiss you as you slowly knelt down, your bare knees pressing onto the cold tile floor. He leaned forward, biting onto your bottom lip and earning a small gasp from you. You felt him smirk into the kiss as he continued to bite and kiss along your jaw and onto your neck, moving his wicked tongue along your skin. There was a sweet contrast between the way he gently tucked your hair behind your ear and the way he left little red teeth marks along the side of your throat. Saeran, as a person, was not warm. He was rough, cruel, and hurt, but he was melting. He was most certainly not Ray, but you could see that he was getting better with how he treated you. In his own way, he knew you were something that he could break, but he decided that he didn’t want to. Not you.

‘Look how willingly you followed my order. You like being on your knees for me, don’t you?’ He teased, muttering his words into your neck and allowing his hot breath to run over the sensitive skin. You took your hands out of your lap and placed them into your knees. The feeling of his mouth on you had already started to turn you on, but it was his question that flustered you and made your face burn.

‘Yes…A-ah!’ You yelped quietly as he suddenly descended onto your shoulder, sucking hard at the skin and causing you to moan. He was awfully good at giving lovebites, and he was most definitely fond of giving them. He relished in how the other Believers stole nervous glances at them on your neck, knowing that you belonged to Saeran and that if they wronged you, they would answer to him.

‘Ohoo~ You like that?’ He glanced at you before continuing to do it once again, taking your moans as a sign to keep going. He was merciless, so by the time he was done, your skin was purple in parts. Saeran’s face was still in your neck and with one of his hands, pulled your own up his thighs until you took the initiative to put them into his crotch:

‘Well, aren’t you eager?’

‘What do you want me to do?’

He pulled back, looking at you straight in the eyes with that ever-unfaltering gaze, Saeran’s breath slightly laboured from the kissing. ‘I want you to hollow out your cheeks around my cock, Princess.’ He whispered back, almost shamelessly. You looked up from between his thighs and shivered, you hadn’t even started yet and you were so excited . Your cheeks burned red and you heard him chuckle in response.

He watched as you adjusted yourself on your legs, his gaze following your hands as you undid the zipper on his trousers. He didn’t help you by lifting his hips or anything like that, you had to adjust his trousers and boxers yourself. Once you did manage to move each item of clothing downwards, you pulled his hardening member free. You licked your hand from palm to tip before taking the shaft and giving it a few slow strokes, causing Saeran to throw his head back in a hiss. Whilst he wasn’t watching, you took the opportunity to stretch your jaw quickly and licked your lips to help with lubrication. His dick was hardening in your hand and you had to lick your hand once again to be able to continue stroking.

After another minute or so, Saeran leaned up on his elbows in order to watch you, so you knew he wanted a show. You prepared yourself, taking a moment to remove your dressing gown and catching him smile at the sight of you in the clothes he had chosen, before you took his member in your hand once again: bringing it up to your mouth. You looked up at him from where you sat on your knees, giving him big doe eyes and trying to flutter your eyelashes slightly as you pressed a few small kisses to his tip, the salty taste of precum evident on your lips. You felt his thighs tense in anticipation as you gave a few short, tentative licks to the tip and one long lick along the length. Spurred on by the audible hitching in his throat, you put your lips around the head of Saeran’s cock and started swirling your tongue in circular motions over the sensitive skin. Slowly, you took more and more of him into your mouth, sucking and licking as you went. His rough hand found its way into your hair and guided the rhythm of your head on his member, occasionally pushing your mouth further down his shaft to take all of him.

He hit the back of your throat and you stifled a gag. Saeran groaned at the sensation, and clearly intended to feel it again. You adjusted your mouth around him, attempting to take him far enough into the back of your throat. It was a little uncomfortable and your eyes started to water involuntarily but you persevered. His hand clenched in your hair as you continued to bob your head up and down on him, letting his tip brush up against the back of your throat every couple of swallows. His previous words drifted into your mind about wanting to see you hollow your cheeks for him, so once again you obliged. You took him slightly out of your mouth so he was no longer touching your throat, gazing up at Saeran and waiting for him to look at you. You made an effort to consciously suck hard enough to cause your cheeks to come in on themselves and continue moving slickly along his shaft.

‘Heh. That look suits you, Toy.’ He looked pleased and you felt another small pool of precum form on your tongue, so you swallowed around him. After a few moments, you took his cock from your mouth with a small ‘pop’ noise echoing through the quiet room. ‘I wanna change positions, sit with your back against the wall for me.’

You weren’t far from the wall so you didn’t see much point in standing and walking over if only to sit immediately back down. So, you did what made sense, and crawled on all fours over. Saeran clearly enjoyed the view because you heard him choke slightly as he gave himself a view lazy strokes at the sight of your ass. When you were sat against the wall, Saeran made his way over to you, now with the black bag he had brought into the room.

‘Open your mouth.’ He ordered, reaching into the bag.

‘What is it?’ You asked.

‘You’ll see.’ He smirked back, getting out a small spray bottle. You were a little unsure, but you opened your mouth for him anyway. He sprayed the liquid liberally into your mouth, which tasted foul, and barely waited for you to recover before his cock was back on your lips. It was entirely hard at this point, so it was a little difficult to take him all in at once. You quickly gave your jaw a stretch and he took the opportunity to put himself back in your mouth, going almost immediately to the back of your throat. You expected to gag, but none came. You supposed he gave you a throat numbing spray, for this exact reason. You moaned a little around his dick, which he definitely liked the feel of.

Saeran began thrusting more speed and intensity, your spit and his precum essentially acting as a lubricant in this situation. You had to admit, having him use your mouth like this was fucking hot and you could feel how turned on you were by it. He held your head still against the wall, so the impact of his thrusts didn’t cause your head to repeatedly hit against the wall. He continuously made almost every movement a deep one, so much so that you frequently felt his pubic hair on the tip of your nose. With your free hand, you wiped at the spit that had leaked from your mouth onto your chin. You could see that his eyes were screwed shut in concentration as he thrust himself into your throat, his pace brutal and rough. He was bucking his hips with such a feverish intensity that the chain on his jacket was hitting off his neck, again and again, making a small jingling sound. Since his trousers were barely down his thighs, when he was pressed up against you the fabric pressed up against your neck. He continued to pump his cock into you and you felt a much larger splash of precum come from him, his rhythm was becoming a lot more erratic and rough as he was getting close to finishing. Saeran’s hands no longer held your head in place, they gripped you.

‘F-Fuck!’ He suddenly pulled himself out of your mouth, clearly on the edge and not yet ready to jump over. The night was still young, after all. ‘It’s good you’ve found something your mouth is good at…’ He panted heavily and so did you, now your airways were free of those additional six inches.

‘I really… liked that.’ It took you a while to catch your breath, and during the time you did, Saeran was pulling you up off the floor and moving you to the bed.

‘Well, that’s good, because we’ve only just started. I have something for you, so you should thank me for these gifts. I’ve been very generous.’ He reached again into the bag, pulling out two sets of handcuffs, a small vibrator, and… a remote? He handed you the vibrator, but there was no ‘on’ button. He must have seen you were confused about the toy because he tutted at you. ‘You think I’m going to give you a toy that you get to choose the settings on? It’s remote-controlled, and I’ll have the control.’

‘O-oh, I see.’ You stuttered, embarrassed that you hadn’t realised his intention. He took the toy from you once he was satisfied that you’d investigated it enough. However, one thing you were entirely certain that you had no confusion over was that you would be the one wearing those handcuffs, which you didn’t have a problem with, but the fact that there were two pairs bewildered you again. He told you to lie in the bed and you did so.

‘Arms out.’ He ordered, grinning as he came towards you with the handcuffs. If you didn’t know better, you would have been anxious, but you had seen Saeran’s hard exterior cracking with time, and you trusted him to free you once again. He had never trapped you in handcuffs in all the times you’d worn them with him before and you didn’t think he would now, but the nervousness was still there from time to time. He clipped one part of the handcuff to your wrist and the other to one of the decorative metal poles on the bedframe, and then did the same to the other wrist. You felt so exposed, and he loved it. Saeran kissed down at your neck and chest once again, taking a breast in one hand and massaging at it. He took the vibrator out of his pocket.

‘Where do you think this is going?’ He asked, twirling it between his thumb and forefinger and cocking his head to the side.

‘Don’t make me say it.’ Flustered, you glanced away. You were aching for him to touch you, yet you couldn’t help but get embarrassed when the attention was turned to you.

‘How come you’re being shy now? You weren’t shy when you told me you liked having my cock in your throat.’ He teased, moving his hand down towards your thigh. He was clearly waiting for you to reference your own horniness before continuing.

Saeran rolled his cool eyes, ‘Fine, I’ll try again. Where do you want me to put this?’

‘I-in my underwear.’ You stuttered out, and he seemed content with that even though he clearly wanted to tease you for a more explicit answer.

‘And you want me to put it in there?’ He was insistent on dragging this out for you, wanting to watch you fluster underneath him.

‘Y-yeah…’ You replied, in a half moan half sigh.

‘What a spoilt Princess you are.’ He taunted as he kissed at your breasts again, lightly touching the front of your underwear with his fingertips. His hand and the vibrator quickly disappeared underneath the fabric and you gasped as you felt his fingers brush up against your clit for a moment before they were replaced with the cool plastic feeling of the vibrator. His fingers left you and found their way to the remote control that he had kept in his pocket.

‘Ask me to turn it on.’ He said.

‘Would you turn it on for me?’ You looked up at him as he hovered above you, obviously having a wonderful time.

‘What’s the magic word~?’ He taunted, twirling his thumb over the button.

‘Please…’ You sighed as he turned it on to the lowest setting, the light buzz filling the room as you sighed against him, soft little mewls falling from your mouth. You saw him reach for the spray bottle from earlier and you opened your mouth in anticipation. It was sprayed even more so than before, a little droplet making its way down your chin as though to emphasise this point.

‘Are you ready to have some more fun, my Toy?’ Saeran pulled his trousers down so they were past his knees, giving him more dexterity to move. You nodded as you lightly clenched your thighs together under the sensation of the vibrator. One of his legs moved over you so that he had one knee on either side of your chest, effectively straddling your shoulders as you laid on the bed. You noticed that he was making a conscious effort to hold himself up by grabbing onto the bed frame so that his weight didn’t crush your breasts or inhibit you from expanding your chest. He was considerate, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

You opened your mouth, ready to take him once again. Your jaw was a little tired, but it wasn’t as though you had to do much other than move your tongue and keep your teeth out of the way whilst he fucked your mouth. That much was easy to do. Once again, his cock was in your face, ready to be taken past your lips. Before you granted him access, however, you looked up at him and pressed a singular kiss onto his head. You held the eye contact with him as you did so, and for a moment, something akin to tenderness flashed across his eyes, before it was replaced with one of Saeran’s signature smiles as he pressed his dick against your lips again.

You felt him turn the toy up another setting and you moaned around him, causing his thighs to tense once again. You knew he enjoyed the vibrations of your throat when you moaned or hummed because he kept messing around with the settings to tease you. Saeran had already edged himself once that evening when he had pulled out earlier, and now he just wanted to cum. He was so pent up that he was desperate to cum. He set his own pace of thrusting into your mouth, which again, was brutal and the force of it continuously pushed your head into the bed, which was fine since it wasn’t hard like the wall.

You used your tongue to lick at the underside of Saeran’s shaft as it feverishly pumped in and out of your mouth, making a point of running along the thick vein that ran along the side of his cock when you could. He groaned and cursed in response and turned up the setting on the vibrator once again as a reward. The taste of his precum once again filled your mouth and you could tell by his facial expression that he was losing himself in the pleasure. Occasionally, you made eye contact through half-lidded eyes, dazed in a lewd reverie. You watched how his scarred knuckles tightened over the metal railings on the bedframe and how his thrusts became more erratic. He’d watch himself fuck your throat for a while, smirk, and then go back to closing his eyes and throwing his head back. Your eyes began to water at the overuse and strain of your jaw, but you were thankful for the lack of gag reflex the spray had bestowed upon you, but the spit that drooled from the interaction was most certainly undesirable to feel moving down your chin and neck: especially since you didn’t have a free hand to wipe it with.

As though to immediately take you out of your thoughts, Saeran turned the vibrator buzzing against your clit to the maximum setting, causing you to loudly moan and your legs to twitch as the sudden intensity. Since your underwear was still on, it held the toy firmly in place, so you had no choice but to give in to the overstimulation. It very quickly started building your own orgasm, almost too quickly. You couldn’t even stop to think, but the thought that perhaps Saeran wanted you to finish at the same time crossed your mind, since it looked as though he was getting very close himself: given how aggressively he was bucking his hips into you and how quickly you felt his head rubbing against the back of your throat.

The pressure that had built for your orgasm was all-encompassing, and suddenly it was about to snap. Saeran looked down at you and he could tell you were right on the edge, especially since he could feel your moans increasing around him. He, himself, was about to burst but had been holding off waiting for you because yes, he did in fact want to cum at the same time, but he’d rather lose a finger than admit that to himself or anyone else. He was gripping the bedframe with enough strength to nearly bend the metal at that point.

‘Are you gonna cum for me, Princess?’ He panted through heavy breaths, the exhaustion of his own enthusiastic thrusts catching up with him. His white hair had become slightly dampened from the exertion, and you could see the tiredness in his eyes. You tried to nod the best you could, since you couldn’t exactly speak decently with his cock in your mouth. He seemed satisfied and let himself wildly buck into your mouth as he felt both of your orgasms coming.

All at once, your orgasm came and knocked out every sense you had. It was utterly blinding, even more so because the vibrator was still going, and you weren’t able to turn it down. It was your sudden loud moan that tipped Saeran over the edge and he barely had time to warn you that he was going to fuck, instead just shouting:

‘F-Fuck!’ as he came down your throat and over your tongue. You didn’t have time to process the salty taste of his cum shooting down your throat because you were still peaking on your own high.

Saeran continued thrusting weakly through his own orgasm until you felt his dick stop twitching in your mouth, at which point he pulled out of you and turned the vibrator off, since you were now starting to squirm uncomfortably from the overstimulation. The two of you were panting so heavily that any Believer in the corridor would have heard, if they somehow hadn’t heard Saeran cursing as he finished.

Before he let himself collapse, he undid your handcuffs. With your newfound freedom, you immediately reached for the tissues on the bedside table to wipe away the slick mixture of spit and cum on your lips and to have a drink of water. Saeran promptly laid down on one side of the bed, and you passed him a couple of tissues to wipe himself down with.

‘Did you have fun with that, Princess?’ He sighed as he zipped his trousers back up and tucked his shirt in.

‘I always have fun with you.’ You dropped onto the bed next to him. He didn’t reply, but he did seem to be mulling over your response. The two of you laid there for a while in a comfortable silence, each clearly recovering from the previous activities.

‘I’m going back to work, I’ve still got shit to do.’ Saeran said.

‘Already? Shouldn’t you sleep soon?’ You were confused, it was so late during the night. Even he needed to sleep at some point, and usually, after nights like this, he would just stay in your bed because he couldn’t be bothered walking to his own.

‘Are you worried, Princess? Don’t waste your time worrying over me, I’m stronger than anybody here. I don’t need anyone’s concern.’ Saeran shuffled off the bed, avoiding your gaze. He readjusted his suit jacket and quickly ran his hands through his post-sex hair.

‘Can’t you stay for a bit longer?’ You tried to coax him, given everything that just happened and the tiredness you’d seen in his eyes towards the end.

‘You should be thankful for the midnight snack. I’ll see you tomorrow, Princess.’

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger x reader #mystic messenger fanfiction #saeran choi #saeran choi x reader #suit saeran #mystic messenger reader insert #mystic messenger self insert #mystic messenger smut #saeran choi smut #mysme #mysmes

503 notes · View notes

jenonctcity · 4 years

Text

Art Of Innocence

The Virgin Series – Huang Renjun

Part of ‘The Virgin Diaries’ Series

Virgin!Au, University!Au, Bestfriend-Lovers!Au

Genre: Fluff, Smut, Angst.

Warnings: Explicit Sex, Very brief mentions of drug and alcohol, Loss of virginity.

Word Count: 11.8k

Summary: Art and gaming. That’s all Renjun found himself doing. Of course he spent time with his friends, but he had to be dragged away from his games console or easel first. Renjun had been brought up around art, his mother being an artist and his father being a drama teacher. So it wasn’t a shock to anyone when he decided to study art at university. His quiet, shy, nerdy nature meant that he didn’t get much attention when walking around campus, which is just how he liked it. You however, had found him on your first day of university and had stuck to him like glue. He pretended as if you didn’t mean that much to him, but you and him both knew he would be lost without you. Only, you didn’t know he was a virgin. So after you found out about the pact from one of the other boys, you couldn’t wait to intercept his gaming session and quiz him on his innocence. You couldn’t help it, but you suddenly saw him in a different light, one that had your fingers tingling and stomach flipping. The same way Renjun had felt looking at you since the first day he’d met you.

---

Meeting Renjun had been noteworthy. It isn’t every day that you find yourself a best friend upon your first meeting with someone, but with Renjun it had come very naturally. It had started when you’d tripped over the tiniest stick in existence, which you still have no idea how you did that, and had fallen straight into Renjun. It was very cliché, which is the exact reason you picked him to be your new best friend. He had been more than surprised when a beautiful girl he’d never met before flew into his arms and had face planted straight into his chest. After he’d gotten over his initial shock and had straightened you up onto your feet, he’d accepted the bumble of apologies that came flying out of your mouth and was ready to move on with his life. What he didn’t expect was for you to notice the Moomin keyring on his backpack and to spark up a conversation about it that seemed like it went on forever, with you repeating yourself and him just listening. Before he knew it, the two of you had walked around campus twice and he’d found out that your name is (Y/N) and you have a tendency to ramble on about random crap. But he liked to listen to your random crap, and he could see the beautiful friendship blossoming before his eyes.

So you and Renjun soon became close. You learnt his class schedule and forced him to learn yours, so that it was easier for the two of you to spend time together. At first, you had a feeling Renjun wasn’t overly keen on being your friend, but after a little while you just realised he had an attitude where he pretended he didn’t care about anything, since he would start waiting outside of your classroom for you to finish when you hadn’t even made plans with him. With Renjun, came his best friends. Jaemin, Jeno, and Donghyuck. You got on really well with them, but you only saw them when you went over to their shared apartment to see Renjun, or if they invited you to go to the classic American style diner down the road from their apartment. You also learnt a lot about his past. He was born in China but after his father got a job in Korea, they moved over when Renjun was eleven and they’d been there ever since. When you’d heard that his mother was a freelance artist and his father was a drama teacher, it made sense to you. Renjun was studying art and had a natural talent you can only assume was passed onto him from his parents.

You couldn’t even count the amount of times on both of your hands that Renjun had drawn you little pictures of random things. He was very generous with his art and even though you’d never asked him or expected him to draw or paint you anything, he loved to surprise you with a small painting of flowers or a sketch he’d done of you based purely off of his memory of your details and features. His art was hugely impressive, his people skills on the other hand, not so much. He was quiet, and he kept to himself, only spending time with you, or the boys. The more you got to know Renjun, the more you were surprised that he even let you cling to him like you did, but you never once thought that it could be because he formed a crush on you. From the moment that Renjun had laid eyes on you when you bumped into him, he had felt his heart jump on a rocket ship and take flight. He was so smitten for you, but he didn’t want you to notice, so he hid it well and preferred to show his affection towards you in subtle ways, like paying for your lunch, walking you back to your dorm, or drawing you a silly picture of a worm. Even after a year and a half of Renjun feeling that way, you however, had never really thought of Renjun in any other way other than platonic. Of course you thought he was beautiful; he was one of the most beautiful males you’d ever laid eyes on. He had deep brown eyes that sparkled in the sunlight, a cute little nose and a smile that made you want to pinch his cheeks and coo at him. Which the one time you did, his cheeks went so red that he whined for about half an hour that he was embarrassed.

You were more than happy that the apartment the boys lived in wasn’t too far from campus, it was only a ten minute walk if you picked up the pace and you could stop off at the convenience store on the way to buy snacks. Also it meant that you didn’t have to be in the cold January air for long, which was a bonus. With your backpack now heavier from the soda and snacks you bought, you knocked on their apartment door and waited patiently, rocking backwards and forwards on your feet. The door swung open and a smiley Donghyuck appeared behind the door.

“Hey (Y/N).” He opened the door wide enough for you to step in. You smiled back and quickly took your shoes off in the entrance.

“Hey Hyuck.” You neatly arranged your shoes by the door and pulled off your backpack and winter coat, hanging it up on the coat rack before shuffling through to the living room. As per usual, Renjun was nowhere in sight, but Jeno and Jaemin were sat on the sofas with their laptops on their laps with the tv showing old episodes of SpongeBob SquarePants. They both glanced up when you entered and smiled, Jaemin looking overly smug as he looked at you.

“Well hello (Y/N).” The Jaemin spoke had your eyebrows raising in question at his tone. It sounded like he knew something you didn’t and knowing Jaemin, it sent a shiver down your spine.

“Hello Jaemin…is Renjun in his room?”

“Yep.” You quickly rushed to Renjun’s bedroom, not bothering to knock on the door because you knew he wouldn’t hear you knock anyway. Upon entering you saw Renjun in his typical position. Sat in his gaming chair at his desk, playing some random game on his desktop with his gigantic headphones covering half of his head. “Hey Renjun!” You chirped, throwing yourself on his bed. He completely ignored you, too invested in his game to even notice that you’d entered his room. His eyes were glued to the screen and his mouth was popped open in his concentration. “Renjun…Renjun!” You raised your voice until eventually he turned his head, giving you a nod and a brief greeting as he moved his attention back to his game. “Seriously?” You sighed and rolled your eyes. “I’ll be in the living room.” You grumbled and walked out of his room, leaving the door open and making your way back to the living room.

“Hey, guess what.” Jaemin turned his attention to you as you entered the room again and sat yourself down in between him and Jeno.

“What?” You laid your head back against the sofa and tilted it towards Jaemin, getting relaxed and preparing yourself for the dumb thing he was probably about to say.

“So you know how Renjun is a virgin-”

“WHAT?!” You shot up, sitting bolt upright with a look that was a mix of shock and amusement on your face. Jaemin and Jeno both flinched at your loud voice, looking shocked themselves. Donghyuck let out a snigger across the room where he was sitting on his phone. “I mean I had a feeling he was a virgin, but he never told me! He always avoided the topic of girls whenever I brought it up.”

“Oh…anyway now you know,” Jaemin scratched the back of his head awkwardly, as if he’d just let out a big secret that he shouldn’t have. “So we have this little pact going, and since you’re a female and super close to Renjun, I thought you could help him out.” He grinned widely at you, closing his laptop and shifting all of his attention to you.

“I don’t like where this is going…” You narrowed your eyes in suspicion at him, having heard stories about Jaemin’s little schemes that didn’t end up going well and have caused plenty of stories you’re sure that the boys will be telling their grandchildren one day.

“It isn’t bad, don’t worry.” Jeno leaned over and mumbled to you. You let out a small sigh of relief but still held a little bit of suspense inside of you as you watch Jaemin.

“The pact is, we all have to lose our virginities before the end of the year-”

“You’re all virgins?” You titled your head in curiosity, actually quite shocked hearing that these four handsome boys were all virgins still. It was a big surprise to you that Donghyuck was a virgin, as you knew him to have the party boy reputation, and a party where everyone is making decisions under the influence of alcohol and other non-legal substances is an easy opportunity to lose your virginity.

“Yeah, anyway,” Jaemin shook his hand to try and grab your attention back to him as you looked around at the nodding boys. “Like I said, we have to lose our virginities before the end of 2020. You know Renjun really well and we all know how much of an introverted nerd he is-”

“That’s a bit harsh.” You interrupted Jaemin yet again, causing him to narrow his eyes at you. You sunk your head into your neck slightly and giggled. “Sorry, carry on.”

“Anyway,” He out a lot of emphasis on the word, giving you a wide-eyed look that almost dared you to interrupt him one more time. “He’s going to need a bit of help. He’s the only one we’re worried about finding someone to do the dirty with. So this is where you come in!” He patted your thigh and gave you a big, closed mouth grin. “You need to help him get his dick wet.” You felt a bit sad for Renjun. It made you sad that his best friends didn’t have confidence in his ability to get some, because you knew that if Renjun really put his mind to something, he could easily pull it off. Just because Renjun hadn’t had sex yet, doesn’t mean he’s incapable of it. And no, you’d never seen him flirt with anyone, or even lay eyes on another female, or…even show interest in another female…but that doesn’t mean he will struggle to fuck someone.

“He won’t need my help! The school year started two days ago and we’re less than a month into the new year, he has loads of time, there’s no rush.” You shrugged, sticking up for him as he wasn’t there to defend his own honour.

“Yeah we’re just saying that he might need a little…push in the right direction!” Jaemin was clearly only trying to help, so you didn’t get mad at him. Instead you rolled your eyes and patted Jaemin’s thigh.

“Let me handle it.” You pushed yourself up from the sofa and went back to Renjun’s room, rolling your eyes once more when you saw him sat in the exact same position as he was when you’d left the room. Instead of letting him ignore you though, you shut the door behind you, and marched up behind him. “Oi.” You lifted his headphones off of his head despite the little whine he let out. “I heard a little rumour about you Renjunnie.” You whispered in his ear, causing him to visibly shudder. He furrowed his eyebrows and turned off his game, spinning his chair around to face you as you perched on the end of his bed.

“A rumour? About what?” He tilted his head like a curious puppy, his knee bouncing which you had noticed he did as a little habit. One of the things you found endearing about Renjun was that he had a lot of little nervous habits. One of them was he fidgeted a lot, especially when the room was quiet but there was a lot of people surrounding him. Another one of his little habits was biting his nails, which you had reprimanded him for plenty of times, often by smacking his hand away from his face and giving him a glare.

“I heard from someone that you did some dirty dirty things at the new years party.” You winked at him, wondering if he would fall for your little story. You didn’t think it would be fun just to straight up tell him you knew about the pact and his very much still intact innocence, so instead you did what any best friend would do and wind him about it.

“Who said that?!” He frowned quickly, confusion settling over his features. He was wearing an oversized hoodie with matching sweatpants, and he looked far too cute and cosy to have a frown on his face. He slouched further into his seat and spread his legs out further, his habit of manspreading to the max still just as bad as it always was.

“A little birdie told me.” You smirked, putting your elbow on your thigh and leaning your head against your hand. You were trying really hard not to laugh, but Renjun hadn’t noticed that you were just teasing him yet. “Did you fuck someone again?” You titled your head, feigning innocence as his eyes squinted and he looked even more confused than before.

“Again? What on earth are you bumbling on about?” His cheeks were starting to pink up and that’s when you knew you had him where you wanted him.

“Well you’ve fucked someone before, haven’t you? So that would mean if you did it at the party then it would have been again! You following me?” You finished talking with a little giggle, biting your bottom lip to stop yourself from bursting out into full laughter.

“I-I…no I haven’t fucked anyone before. Whoever told you that was lying a-…no one told you a rumour, did they?” He raised an eyebrow as he caught onto your lie. He really did know you too well and he could see that you were holding in laughter. “You just wanted me to admit that I’m a virgin!” He stood up quickly and you gasped, knowing exactly what he was about to do. You quickly pushed yourself up the bed to try and escape from him.

“No Renjun I’m sorry no don’t tickle meeeee!” It was too late though, before you’d even finished your sentence, he had cornered you against the headboard of his single bed and had his hands digging into your sides.

“This is what you deserve!” He laughed, not bothered at all about being a virgin, so it didn’t bother him that you tried to amuse yourself with it. If it made you smile, Renjun would do take all the embarrassment in the world.

“Stooooooop!” You squealed, trying your hardest to push him away from you. He laughed with you, eventually relenting and removing his hands from you. He slapped your knee and sat beside you.

“That’s what you get for virgin shaming me.” He sniggered, bumping his shoulder into yours and crossing his arms in his lap. You didn’t notice the way he looked at you with a slight longing in his dark eyes. He yearned for your company; he was just too shy to tell you that all he wanted was for you to be cuddled up in his arms in times like this. He was too afraid to be rejected by you, and he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep the friendship alive; his awkwardness would play too much of a part and he wouldn’t be able to act like he normally did around you.

“I think it’s cute that you’re an innocent little bean!” You wrapped your arms around his shoulders from beside him and smiled up at him. “I bet you’ll be right kinky little fucker.” You sniggered, noticing how his cheeks went a dark red as he blushed. But he laughed with you despite his mouth popping open in shock. “Spank me daddy.” He gave you a gentle shove and flopped back on his bed, trying desperately to direct his thoughts in another direction at your vulgar saying. He didn’t have a daddy kink, well not that he knew of, but hearing you say something to erotic made his stomach spark up a fire he couldn’t control. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath and letting out a sigh.

“Gross.” Was all he mumbled, throwing his arms over his face to hide his embarrassment. You looked down at Renjun and felt a strange feeling you’d never felt when you’d looked at him before. Of course you found him attractive, but you’d never found yourself attracted to him before. So why were you suddenly having thoughts about what he would look like with shirt off as you looked down at the soft, embarrassed boy. Luckily, he had his eyes shut and his arms over his face, so he couldn’t see your eyes trailing up and down his body.

“So, Jaemin told me about the pact you have with them. Who are you planning on seducing?” He gently removed his arms and popped open an eye to look at you, not missing the way you wiggled your eyebrows at him suggestively.

“I haven’t even thought about it yet.” He shrugged, slowly pushing himself to sit up. You glanced around his room, your eyes trailing over the PlayStation and Xbox connected to his desktop monitor that you’d seen hundreds of times, before moving to the easel in the corner of his room that had an unfinished painting of what you assumed was supposed to be abstract art, as you couldn’t make out what the hell he was painting. His room was super cramped from how much he’d crammed into the small space, but it was cosy, and you’d fallen asleep squished up against him on his single bed plenty of times when he was gaming and you were bored. You loved being in his room.

“Leave it with me big boy.” You winked, patting his thigh, and ignoring the strange feeling you got in your stomach and the small amount of contact.

---

“Okay, so I know you’ve probably been anticipating this all week, but I have finally finished my list of ways that you can dip your dick into some vagina okay?” Your uncouth way of speaking had Renjun cringing and lowering his head slightly as he sat opposite you in the Chinese restaurant. Even though you said it quietly, he still went bright red at the thought of someone around hearing you and he nearly choked on his chicken. It was also the way that you had brought it up at the first moment of silence between you two since you’d sat down in the restaurant. You’d previously been talking about how you thought apple music was far superior to spotify, and then after the conversation on that topic was over, you’d swooped straight in with the kill.

“I know you won’t shut up until you tell me, so go for it.” He didn’t voice it, but he hoped that you would be subtle with whatever you had concocted in your own time. You put down your chopsticks to grab your phone out of your bag, quickly opening up your notes and clearing your throat.

“Option number one, go to a party with Donghyuck and find a lovely sober lady to take home.” You had a small nagging feeling in your stomach that was telling you he hoped you said no to all of the things on your list, and you couldn’t tell why you felt that way. He wrinkled up his nose and shook his head quickly.

“I don’t do parties; New Year’s Eve was a one off because it was the turn of the year and Jeno told me if I didn’t go then he’d throw all of my boxers off of the roof.” He said that with a serious look on his face, while you let out a quick laugh at the thought of Jeno doing that to his boxers.

“Okay…that doesn’t sound like something Jen would do though?” You titled your head in curiosity. Jaemin? Of course he would threaten to do that. Donghyuck? Also highly likely. Jeno? Nope. That doesn’t sound like something mellow, go with the flow, and responsible Jeno would do.

“He was already drunk off of wine.” Renjun shrugged, taking a sip of his water, and helping himself to the noodles between you both that you were sharing.

“Oh, wine drunk, okay that makes sense.” You nodded in understanding of Jeno’s actions now, placing your phone on the table so that you could go back to eating. You shoved some rice into your mouth and then read out the next option.

“Option number two, I can set you up with that gamer girl in my class. She’s a bit…out there! But that can be a good thing you know; she’ll probably tie you up and ride you over the rainbow.” You smiled at him as if the more you smiled at him, the more likely it would be for him to say yes. Sometimes you couldn’t help the words that tumbled out off your mouth, and after you heard them in your head after they’d been verbally spoken, you cringed. This was one of those moments. Especially when Renjun paused his chewing and gave you a look that was a mix of confusion and being grossed out. “I’ll take that as a no.” You cleared your throat and deleted option number one and two from your phone.

“How many options are there?” He moved his attention back to his food, leaning forward slightly as he shovelled more food into his mouth in an attempt to avoid commenting on your options.

“Four.”

“It took you an entire week and you only came up with four?!” His eyes flicked back to you in surprise.

“I forgot until this morning all right.” You mumbled and rolled your eyes at your own forgetfulness. “Moving on. Number three, you sign up to tinder.” The thought of Renjun signing up to tinder made you want to laugh but puke at the same time. Laugh because the poor boy had no idea how to flirt, and you could see him as the cringey boy who sent a strange pick up line or commented on something in one of the girl’s pictures. Puke because you didn’t want him to go on a date with some random girl you probably didn’t know. Again, confusion swirled around your head, because you’d never felt like that before, mainly because you’d never had any thoughts of Renjun dating since it wasn’t anything he’d ever done since you’d been his friend. Knocking that thought out of your head you cleared watched his face as he turned his nose up to option number three.

“Nope.” Shaking his head and drinking his water again, he wasn’t prepared for your fourth option.

“Fine! Final option, you make a decent amount from selling your work online, right? Hire a hooker!” He choked on his water at how nonchalantly you spoke those words, coughing and trying to catch his breath without causing other people to look over at you both. “Woah you okay buddy?” You giggled nervously and widened your eyes slightly. “Have a sip of water!” You pushed your own cup towards him and watched as his face went completely red.

“You’re insane.” He grunts out with a groggy sounding throat when his coughing fit had finished, quickly sipping at the water from your cup. “I’m not doing that.”

“Well then have fun finding someone to lose your purity too Mr I’m too good for (Y/N)’s ideas.” You folded your arms over your chest and shrugged, faking offense that he didn’t like any of your ideas. “Don’t say I didn’t try to help.”

“Your ideas sucked.” His words came out in a blunt way, which is what you should have expected since Renjun had never been shy about telling you things the way he saw them.

“Whatever, the only other option I can think of is to just fuck me and get it over with.” You pouted, sulking that he didn’t like your admittedly awful ideas. You did it again, you opened your mouth without thinking and even you were shocked at your own suggestion. Your eyes slowly widened as you thought it through in your head. You didn’t know if you even wanted to go there with Renjun, sleeping with someone is a big step for anyone, especially when they’re your best friend, but there was a small burst of butterflies setting off in your stomach at the thought of it. Renjun looked as if his brain was short circuiting, and his mouth opened and closed as he tried to form the right words to reply to you with. A strange awkward cloud settled over the table, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to take the offer back.

“No, I couldn’t.” He shook his head, gulping as he put the water back on the table, letting his eyes wonder everywhere but at you, causing him to miss the way you visibly deflated at his rejection. He didn’t want to just fuck you, no matter how much he longed to have you writhing underneath him, naked and basking in the glory of his affection. He wanted to hold your hand, give you soft, tender kisses that proved how much you had his heart. He wanted to make love to you and wake up the next morning with the certainty that you were his, and the only person who felt your love was him. So no, he couldn’t just fuck you and get it over with. You looked down at your plate, awkwardly pursing your lips as you wallowed in self pity at Renjun’s rejection. Did he not find you attractive? Did he not like you enough to do that? Did he simply not want to ruin your friendship? You didn’t know, and you were too busy feeling sorry for yourself that you didn’t bother asking.

“Okay cool.” You shrugged, sitting opposite him with a sad look on your face for the rest of the meal, even though it didn’t last long as Renjun hurried to pay the bill, despite your whining that you were going to pay. You both left and instead of going back to Renjun’s apartment like you had originally planned, you told him you were tired and promptly walked in the opposite direction to go back to your dorm on campus.

Renjun groaned as he watched you walk away, feeling bad about the way he had just shot you down without even offering you an explanation for why he didn’t want to have sex with you. But he didn’t have it in him just yet to tell you how he really felt for you, too scared that it would either scare you off, or cause you to feel awkward because you didn’t feel the same way as him. Either way, he knew he was screwed.

---

After a week of punishing Renjun for hurting your feelings, you finally decided it was time to relieve him of your absence. You weren’t so harsh as to completely ignore him, but your texts had been vague, and you had simply told him that you were busy whenever he asked you to hang out. You had a feeling that he knew you were upset, because he didn’t wait outside of your class on a Wednesday afternoon like he did every week, and you knew Renjun well enough to know it was because he was giving you your space. He knew you’d go to him when you were ready. Which is the exact reason you were stood in his doorway, staring at his side profile because as per usual, he hadn’t noticed your arrival, too engrossed in playing call of duty on his Xbox with his headset on. Jeno had let you into the apartment with a kind smile, telling you that Renjun had been whining about missing you all week. You were thankful that Jeno went behind Renjun’s back to tell you that, because it was just more confirmation for you that he did in fact like you and wasn’t just using you as someone to hang out with. You did feel silly for feeling that way, but in the moment of being hurt, you couldn’t help but let your mind drift over to the negative side of thoughts.

You approached him without warning, not noticing as his eyes flicked up to look at you in completely surprise at your sudden appearance. He quickly remembered that he was in the middle of a war and went back to looking at his screen, trying not to make it obvious that his heart was pounding so hard in his chest that he was sure it was visible. You swung one of your legs over his, putting your hands on his shoulders and struggling to sit yourself down. He let go of his controller with one hand and helped you onto his lap, his breath held from how close you were as you snuggled your head into his neck, wrapping your arms around his body and his gaming chair. He wrapped his arms around you, holding his controller behind your back and playing the game over your shoulder. This was the first time that you had wiggled your way into his hold when he was playing his games on his gaming chair, so he was beyond surprised, but elated at how warm you felt cuddled up to him. He held you tightly whilst shooting at random people’s characters on the game, completely silent instead of swearing when his own character was shot.

“You’ve been avoiding me.” He mumbled, trying to pretend like it hadn’t affected him. But your absence had his heart yearning for you even more. You just hummed in confirmation at his statement, your hot breath against his neck almost making him sweat from how nervous he was getting at having you where he wanted you. Ever since you’d stumbled into his life, he had wanted to hold you like this whilst he played his video games, loving how it gave you attention and kept you close, whilst he still got to play his games. As you clung onto Renjun, you came to a realisation that you could happily get used to this. It felt strange. You’d never had feelings like this towards him, but as he held you in his arms you came to realise that you were starting to get feelings for him. You knew that it was dangerous. Everyone always says to never fall in love with your best friend, but sometimes you don’t even realise that you’re falling down that slippery slope until you’re already in the deep end.

You heard Renjun put his controller down on the desk behind you before removing his headset, your heart starting to pound as he placed both of his hands underneath your thighs. You gripped onto him tighter as he stood up from his chair with you in his hold. You buried your face into his neck more, smiling to yourself because you assumed he was going to put you on the bed so that you could talk about things. You desperately wanted to ask him why he said he couldn’t fuck you, but at the same time you were scared that you’d hear something you didn’t want to hear, something that would put out the fire of feelings inside your stomach like a bucket of ice cold water. Maybe if things went right you could tell him that you were starting to develop feelings for him, so that the two of you could get control of this situation quickly before anyone got hurt. You also knew that if you stayed quiet about your growing feelings for Renjun and he went and fucked someone else, then you’d be gutted.

Renjun placed you on the edge of his bed and then let go of your thighs, he tried to pull away, but you had a tight grip on him. He moved his hands up and pried your arms away from around his shoulders. He smiled at you softly, reaching out a hand and ruffling your hair before sitting himself back down in his gaming chair. He put his headset back on and picked his controller back up, taking a deep breath to try and steady his heart from how quick it had been pounding when he was touching you. He gulped, fidgeting around in his chair and turning it away from you slightly so that you couldn’t see him as well.

You narrowed your eyes at him, gulping down the pang of hurt you felt at him removing you from his lap and just dumping you on his bed. Not only that, he then went back to playing his game and ignoring you. No boy that liked you in the way you liked them would do that, you thought, quickly standing up and marching out of his bedroom with a scowl on your face. You didn’t even bother to say goodbye to Jeno as you rushed past him, not wanting him to see the tears that were flooding your vision. You weren’t hurt at the realisation that he might not like you in anyway other than platonic, you were hurt that he just brushed you aside and acted as if his games meant more to him than his best friend.

As soon as you got home you muted all his contact on all of your social medias so that you wouldn’t see if he messaged you or not, and then you laid on your bed and sulked, wishing you had an Xbox so you could go on call of duty and kill his character as a way of getting back at him. It was petty, but it was an oddly satisfying way of getting back at him in your mind.

---

It had been another week. You weren’t sure why you were leaving it a week each time before you gave in and let Renjun have his chance of redemption, but it felt like a good amount of time for you to calm down about what had happened. You had cleared your head, focusing on your studying instead of dwelling on your feelings for Renjun, which had stupidly grown over the week. You cursed the first person to claim that distance makes the heart grow fonder, because now you knew first-hand that that statement was correct. You hadn’t read any of the messages you’d received off of Renjun. Not only had he texted you, but he’d sent you snapchats, facebook messaged you, and even came over to your dorm to try and get your attention. When you hadn’t answered the door, he’d slipped a piece of paper underneath your door. It was a cartoon drawing of himself with a speech bubble saying ‘I miss you, I’m sorry for whatever I did’, which annoyed you even more despite how cute it was, because he clearly couldn’t see what he’d done wrong. But you just ignored all of his efforts, wanting him to realise that he had hurt your feelings and you weren’t prepared to just let it go this time. He didn’t get to throw you aside and choose his games over you. Best friend or not, that was super rude in your eyes.

You blamed this stupid pact that the boys had. If they’d never made the pact, then you wouldn’t have been dragged into helping him lose his virginity, then you would have never realised your feelings for him, and things would be how they used to be. But still, things could have ended worse if you hadn’t realised your feelings until after he’d given his innocence away to someone else. Anyway that you looked at it, you just felt like you were stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Renjun had yet to notice you, yet again, as you stood in his doorway with a determined look in your eyes. You knew what you were about to do was stupid. Stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid. Yet you knew it would get you the answers that you need to clear your head, and hopefully it would make Renjun realise that you deserved his attention more than his stupid games consoles.

You quickly walked over to him after carefully shutting his door. He didn’t notice you until you were climbing into his lap, his body flinching from how startled he was to suddenly have someone climbing on him. He gulped, just letting you climb onto him, not needing to help you as you moved his limbs around until you were perched in his lap, staring at his face with a slightly worried look on your face. You had all of his attention, his arms tightly around you with both of his hands gripping the controller of his playstation behind your back. All he could hear was the sound of war going on through his headset, because his eyes were now on your eyes, watching them as they scanned his own face. You reached up and slipped his headset from his ears, placing them on his desk before grabbing his face in your palms. He gulped, his lips parting as he tried to find some words, but even a simple hello wouldn’t come out of his mouth. He wasn’t sure where he stood with you. The last thing he knew he was in your bad books, but here you are, sat on his lap with has face in your grip.

His eyes widened when your lips planted themselves on his own. His controller fell out of his hands and tumbled to the floor with a clatter, but he placed his hands on your hips slowly and let his eyes flutter shut. His heart was pounding as he realised that the girl he was head over heels for was kissing him. You had a tight hold on Renjun’s face so that he couldn’t feel your hands shaking, but not tight enough that he couldn’t pull away if he wanted to. Your lips moved slowly against his, and to your relief, he moved his lips in time with yours. The kiss wasn’t perfect, but after you found your rhythm with each other, your lips slotted together like puzzle pieces. You pulled away slightly, your lips now resting less than a centimetre away from his as you tried to steady your breathing. Renjun opened his eyes a slither and stared at your lips, gulping in nervousness before placing a lingering kiss to them once more. Your heart almost burst. That small kiss from Renjun had more of an impact on you than the big kiss you had planted on his lips, because he had initiated that kiss, which meant he wanted to kiss you.

“I’m sorry for whatever I did.” He whispered, his thumbs stroking against the material of your hoodie, his touch feeling warm even through the thick fabric. You sighed and pulled your head further away, opening your eyes and looking him in the eyes.

“You can’t even see what you did wrong Renjun, how can you be sorry?” You slowly let your hands trail from his face to rest lightly on his shoulders. He looked taken aback, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of the right words to say to you.

“Because whatever I did hurt your feelings…what did I do?” He tilted his head slightly, his eyebrows furrowing as he tried to rack his brain for the part where he went wrong. His cute expression had your heart soaring, and you were finding it really hard to be mad at him. You were feeling a bit more at ease though, as Renjun had accepted your kiss and had kissed you on his own accord, which in your head must mean that he has some kind of feelings for you.

“We were cuddling, and then you just tossed me aside on your bed and went back to your games, you even turned your back towards me…that hurt my feelings Renjun…you were more interested in your stupid games than you were about me.” You felt slightly silly saying it, especially since your bottom lip naturally pouted itself out like you were a sulking child, but you were glad you got the opportunity to express your feelings to him so that hopefully the two of you could clear the air.

You didn’t miss the way that Renjun’s face went bright red in less than ten seconds, his eyes momentarily widening before he groaned, letting his head roll back as he stared at the ceiling. You raised an eyebrow in confusion at his reaction to your words. He huffed a laugh that turned into a whine, and he raised his head up again, his fluffy brown hair flopping back on his forehead perfectly in place. His face was still burning red and his grip on your hips tightened. “I…oh fuck this is embarrassing…”

“What is?” You titled your head at him, noticing how his adams apple bobbed as he gulped in embarrassment.

“I didn’t remove you from my lap because I wanted to play the games instead of cuddle you. I put you on the bed because you were making…” He took another deep breath and then quickly exhaled and carried on. “You were making me hard, and I didn’t want you to notice. So I moved you and then turned away so you couldn’t see my crotch.” He hands slowly trailed down to your lower back, his fingers lifting up the hem of your hoodie so that his hands were pressed against the warmth of your bare skin. “I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings; I just didn’t want you to know that I got hard from you sitting on my lap whilst I was playing my games. It was really hot, and I like you a lot, so I panicked and…yeah.” He cut off his own rambling to look at you which he had previously been avoiding as he was explaining his motives to you. Your mouth popped open in complete and utter shock. Of all the reasons why Renjun had done what he’d done you’d made in your head, that was not on the list.

“Y-you like me?” You stuttered out, gulping yourself to get rid of the small lump of emotion forming in your throat. He smiled timidly, nodding his head to confirm your question. “I like you too…oh my god…this is crazy but like…in a good way!” You were struggling to find words, so you simply leaned in and kissed him again, wanting to feel his soft lips on your again. He returned the kiss, basking in the feeling of finally having your warm lips slotted between his own, a fuzzy feeling that felt natural blossoming inside of his chest. The kiss confirmed to you that you did have strong feelings towards your best friend, and you were thankful that you did, because you loved everything about Renjun. Even if he was addicted to gaming and was clearly bad at expressing his feelings. You’d only known about your feelings for him for about two weeks, but they’d been there a lot longer than that, sitting at the back of your heart and waiting for the perfect time to attack you. You wondered when Renjun had come to terms with the fact he had feelings for you. But asking him meant that you’d have to pull your lips away from his, which was out of the question for you. Renjun stopped kissing you, but didn’t drag his lips away far, letting them linger against yours, brushing them with yours as if he couldn’t quite believe that they were there.

“You’ve had sex before, haven’t you?” His voice was barely audible, and you smiled against his lips, placing a very tender peck to his glistening, pouted lips. It hadn’t taken Renjun long to start getting hard, his bulge brushing against your crotch as you shuffled closer to him on his lap, a gasp caught in your throat as you answered him.

“Twice.” You whispered back, your stomach erupting in butterflies as you rocked your hips on him, confirming your suspicions that he did in fact have a hard on. Renjun gulped, his cheeks flaring up as he thought his next words over a few times.

“Wanna make it a third?” Your mouth popped open and you stared at him, completely gobsmacked. Renjun bit his bottom lip, his stomach turning as he thought that maybe he’d said the wrong thing. He thought he’d blown it with you before he even got a chance to really start it. Until you let out a laugh through your open mouth, your eyebrows still raised.

“Huang Renjun! That was so smooth! I’m so proud of you.” You leaned in, licking into his mouth and cupping his face in your hands. He held back the sigh of relief he wanted to let out, instead breathing out of his nose slowly and standing up quickly with you in his grasp, much like he had done the week before. But instead of dumping you on the bed and just going back to his games, instead he threw you down onto his bed and crawled over you, settling his body down on yours gently and bringing his lips back to yours. You were beyond shock at the surprise confidence that was suddenly rushing through Renjun. The normally shy, quiet, and reluctant boy was taking complete control of the situation despite the fact he’d never done this before. You felt pride, and you’d be sure to give him a reward for his courage later on.

You gripped at the back of his t-shirt, bunching the cotton in your hands as you trailed your hands up his back, your lips still locked with his even as you got the shirt to the back of his neck. He pulled away, sitting up on his knees to pull his shirt over his head and tossing it aside. You bit your bottom lip as you trailed your hands down his chest to his abdomen, your eyes following your hands as you admired his body. You had no idea how he managed to stay so fit considering all he did was play games, do art, and eat junk food, but he had an impressive body. You let your fingers fiddle with the buttons on his jeans as you lick your lips, moving your eyes back up his body and seeing that his eyes were locked on your face, his bottom lip stuck between his teeth.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered, leaning down and kissing your cheek gently. “I’ve wanted this for a long time.” You noticed his adams apple bob as he gulped, and then all of a sudden he just completely froze, his eyes still as he looked down at you.

“Renjun…?” You sat up in concern, taking his face in your palms and stroking your thumbs against his hot cheeks. “Are you alright?” You pecked his parted lips slowly, letting your lips linger as your thumbs worked small circles on his smooth skin. He cleared his throat, snapping out of his daze and nodding his head.

“Y-yeah, I’m fine I just…what if I’m no good?” His voice was small, and his hands came to rest on your hips. You smiled, holding in your giggle as you dipped your head down to kiss at his throat, swirling your tongue around the spot that you then attached your lips to.

“No ones a porn star on their first attempt, and you know that I won’t judge you anyway.” He seemed to relaxed under your touch and then his hands pushed against you, forcing you to lay back down on the bed.

“Tell me what to do.” He whispered, his cheeks a vibrant red as he stared down at you waiting for instructions. You bit your bottom lip, knowing you had him completely under your thumb, but you didn’t want to push him too far and ruin it for him.

“How about I give you some options and you pick whichever one you want to do?” He nodded quickly in agreement, a small smirk playing on his lips that were a light red from how much you’d kissed them. “Hang on.” You sat up again and pulled your sweater over your head, throwing it on the floor with Renjun’s t-shirt and trying not to smirk at how wide his eyes went when his eyes zoned in on your bra. “You can touch them.” He didn’t need anymore prompting, his hands quickly trailing from your hips to your breast, his hands cupping them and giving them a small squeeze.

“Wow…” He whispered in awe, licking his lips, and bumping his bulge against your crotch to try and get some friction to his growing cock.

“Okay so these are the options, first of all, do you want to do foreplay or just jump straight in?” You didn’t know if he could last until the actual fucking if you did foreplay, but you really hoped he said he wanted the foreplay.

“I want to do foreplay…can I eat you out…please?” You raised your eyebrows as he had clearly picked which foreplay he wanted before you even managed to give him his options.

“Since you asked so nicely.” You bit your bottom lip, watching his every move as he shuffled down the bed, laying on his stomach with his legs hanging off the end of the bed. You leaned forward and unclipped your bra, pulling it from your chest and playfully throwing it onto Renjun’s head. He paused as he laughed softly, your bra covering his vision momentarily until he threw it on the floor. His tongue ran over his lips when he saw your boobs for the first time.

“Wow.” He whispered in awe, shuffling back up the bed and hovering over your body. “Can I?” He swallowed the saliva that had pooled in his mouth from his mouth watering at the sight of your chest.

“You haven’t got to ask for anything Renjun, if you want to do something, do it.” He made eye contact with you, a small smile playing on his lips as he nodded in understanding. His tongue poked out and flicked over your left nipple, his eyes closing briefly as he swirled the wet appendage around the hard nub, covering it with a thin coat of his spit. His lips encased your nipple, sucking it until his mouth like it was going to give him something in return. Your breath left your lungs at the spark that rushed through your body, his tongue still working on your nipple even as he sucked. He reached up and pinched your right nipple gently with his hand, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger before flicking it quickly. You knew he’d seen this in porn, otherwise he wouldn’t have done it with such confidence. Even though porn wasn’t the best educational way to learn how to fuck, you thanked it in this moment, because it was really paying off. You ran your hands through his hair, gripping it tightly and pushing his head south softly, trying to hint that you want him to use his tongue where you needed it the most.

He seemed reluctant to let go of your nipple, but he did in the end, releasing it with a pop and licking down your stomach, pressing kisses along the way until he came to the waistband of your leggings. He glanced up at you with questioning eyes, you nodded as encouragement and then felt his fingers slowly peel the waistband down your legs. “Fuck.” He mumbled upon seeing your blue lace panties. He had the picture engraved forever in his brain and he knew later on he would have a good attempt at drawing what he’d seen. But the drawings would be for his eyes only, and maybe yours depending on how well they resembled you.

You didn’t want to rush him so just watched as he pulled your leggings off of your legs, pulling your socks off with them and placing a soft kiss to your left ankle. He swooped down after tenderly placing your legs over his shoulders, getting himself comfortable on the bed with his face in front of your spread legs. He leaned in, dragging his tongue from your hole to your clit over the top of your panties. His eyes flicked up at you, watching as you took in a sharp inhale of breath, your own eyes locked on him with your mouth parted. He slowly rubbed you over your panties with two of his fingers, his bottom lip tucked between his teeth as he concentrated hard, also slightly in disbelief that he was doing this to you of all people.

“Take them off.” You breathed out, feeling like the material was suffocating you in your want, your need. He wasted no time in complying to your demand, tugging them down your legs and leaving them to lay beside him on the bed. His eyes widened at how your pussy was glistening with slick, and a sense of pride washed over him because he knew that he caused it.

“Shit.” He mumbled, not thinking about his actions before diving his tongue in between your folds, lapping at you like you were a melting ice cream in the summer heat. “Oh fuck.” Your head flopped backwards onto his pillow as he messily ate you out, his tongue travelling up and down, round and round, visiting your clit before meandering back down to dip inside of your leaking hole. “Use your fingers.” Your back arched when he cautiously slid his middle finger inside of you, his hips subconsciously grinding into the bed to release some of the pressure on his hard cock.

“Like this?” He pumped it in and out of you, his tongue pushing against your sensitive clit at the same time.

“Yes! Fuck another!” You didn’t realise how loud you were being, but Renjun wasn’t about to tell you, his pride in what he was doing clouding his mind to the point where he didn’t care who heard. He slid his ring finger in beside his middle finger, sitting up on his knees and leaning down to connect his lips to yours, his tongue clashing against yours in a heated kiss as his fingers pumped in and out of you. He moved to lay beside you, your feet planted on the bed and his lips now on your neck as he worked magic with his fingers. If you weren’t so lost in the feeling his was bringing down on you, you would question whether or not he was really a virgin, because he was making you feel so good with truly little instruction. “Jun stop, I’m gonna cum if you don’t.” You grabbed his wrist, your chest rising and falling fast as you tried to catch your breath and steady the rhythm of your heart. He halted his actions and leaned in, pecking your lips quickly.

“Was it good?” He shyly asked, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips as he withdrew his fingers from you, examining the juices coating his fingers and palm, a small bead dribbling down his wrist. You nodded, not being able to speak properly just yet as you tried to will your orgasm back into its hiding spot. “You’re so wet.” He whispered in surprise, his eyes then going back down to your face. “Can I fuck you now?” He was beyond horny, the pressure in his crotch area almost hurting as he used his fingers to pop open the button on his jeans, sliding down the zipper and diving his wet hand inside his boxers to squeeze at his erection.

“Please…wait don’t you want me to suck you off?” You felt bad at not giving what you’d received, but Renjun sat up on his knees again, positioning himself between your legs.

“If you touch my dick I will cum, and I want to cum inside of you.” He quickly rose from the bed, turning his back from you as he went to his desk, opening up a drawer and pulling out a silver packet. He pulled his jeans and boxers down in one swift motion, his back still turned away from you so you didn’t get to see his cock yet. He rolled the condom on his length, taking a deep breath to try and compose himself as he pumped himself a few times. He then turned around, trying not to cower underneath your sultry gaze that soon fell from his face to his cock. You knew he was nervous, and he was still your best friend, so you winked at him.

“Nice cock.” You spread your legs wider as a silent invite for him.

“Thanks.” He chuckled, his face beet red and his hair looking like a bird’s nest from how your fingers had ruffled through it. He clambered onto the bed, moving so that he was hovering over you with his left hand planted on the bed next to your neck. He used his right hand to grip at his shaft. “I love you.” He whispered, leaning down and placing a kiss so sweet to your lips that you almost melted through his bed. You heart felt like it was swelling up in your chest as you wrapped your arms around his neck, keeping his lips close to yours.

“Love you too Renjunnie.” You whispered back; your words mumbled into his lips as he guided his cock inside of you slowly. He paused halfway, taking a deep breath, and then exhaling through his nose to try and compose himself. Once he was fully inside of you he leaned down and tucked head into the crook of your neck, laying gentle butterfly kisses to your skin, breathing in your scent and waiting for you both to adjust.

After a minute he gently pulled his hips back, then pushed them against you again, his cock sliding in and out of you in a steady but gradual rhythm. He groaned into your neck, feeling an unimaginable amount of pleasure buried in your warm, wet walls. He’d jerked off a lot of times throughout his years, but that felt like nothing compared to how you felt around him. His cock felt so snug inside of you, like you were made to fit him inside. You panted, closing your eyes and wrapping your legs around him, your hands moving from his neck to grip at his hair once again, tugging it softly to cope with the pleasure you felt every time his cock would push back into you.

His hips sped up, the sound of skin slapping against skin resonating around the room as you started to lose control of your vocal chords, your mouth spilling moans as you bucked your hips up into his, looking for more even if what he was giving you was more than enough. “(Y/N), fuck baby girl.” He moaned loudly, pushing up onto his arms so he was staring down at you, his eyes boring into yours as his hips moved at a different angle, hitting a new spot inside of you that had your eyes almost rolling into the back of your head. “I can’t hold on much longer.” You were happy he was admitting it so that you didn’t hold back on your own orgasm, wanting to cum around his pulsating cock inside of you. The dirty thought had your back arching, your hands moving from his body to grip at the sheets of his bed, looking for something to squeeze as the pressure you felt building up inside of you was so astronomical you felt like you were going to burst. His thrusts became sloppy as his peak came closer, sitting back on his heels more and gripping at your hips tightly.

“Renjun harder!” You squealed, your thighs quivering and toes curling as he delivered three hard thrusts that had you moaning out loudly, your orgasm crashing into you like a wave of lava consuming your body. You were actually surprised that he’d managed to make you cum before he did, considering he was the virgin and you knew it was rare for you to climax so fast. There was just something about Renjun that had your nerves on fire, your body reacting to him like nothing you’d ever felt before. He stilled completely, his fingers digging into you so hard you were certain they’d leave little sore spots where fingertip shaped bruises would arise. He stomach flexed as he came into the condom, the feeling of your walls squeezing his cock being enough to force him over the edge. He grinded his hips into you a few more times, slowly as he head fell back onto his shoulders, his hair sticking to his forehead and his mouth parted as he tried to regain his regular breathing.

“Fuuuuck.” He groaned, slowly coming back to live on your world again and looking down at you with lazy, half closed eyes. He had a dopey smile on his face that told you he was still on cloud nine, and then reluctantly he pulled out of you, flopping onto his back beside you on the small bed, your shoulders pressed firmly against his. You had recovered from your orgasm, watching him as his eyes slowly closed and struggled to reopen.

“Hey,” You whispered, rolling onto your side and leaning up on one of your arms. “We need to clean up.” You placed a gentle peck on his still parted lips. He groaned, giving his head a small shake. You rolled your eyes and sat up, letting him get away with being lazy since he’d just lost his virginity, but next time you weren’t going to let him get away with it. “Fine.” You slowly stood up, wobbling slightly on your legs and having to grip onto his bedside table for stability for a moment. You grabbed some tissues and wiped yourself off your own mess, discarding of them before grabbing more tissues and wiping Renjun clean of any mess, also removing the condom and throwing it into his waste bin. By the time you’d finished cleaning the two of you up, you noticed that Renjun was completely dead to the world, his chest moving slowly as he slept. You rolled your eyes and giggled, pulling a blanket over the top of his naked body, and kissing his forehead affectionately. You pulled on your bra and panties, throwing on the biggest t-shirt of Renjun’s that you could find in his wardrobe before leaving the room quietly, shutting the door gently to not disturb him.

You walked out into the living room, on your way to the kitchen to get yourself a drink when you came across the wide eyed, shocked, yet oddly smug faces of three boys, staring directly at you. You froze, a guilty smile on your face because you completely forgot that Renjun shared the apartment with his best friends. You also thought about how you must have looked, your hair a mess and your skin still slightly glistening from the sweat you’d accumulated from fucking Renjun.

“Hi…” You broke the silence, slowly shuffling towards the kitchen but keeping your eyes on them. It was Jaemin who spoke up first.

“You know, when I said you needed to help him get his dick wet, I didn’t mean for you to be the one who wet it…” Jeno slapped Jaemin on the shoulder for that remark, but you sniggered and bit your bottom lip, your cheeks heating up as you realised that they must have heard most, if not all of what you’d done.

“You should have been more specific Jaems.” You shrugged, walking off to the kitchen and leaving them to talk amongst themselves.

---

“What’s bothering you Renjun?” You’d been sat with him at the local diner, a bowl of nachos in between you both but Renjun had hardly touched them, instead fiddling with a napkin, and avoiding your gaze. Renjun glanced up and gave you a small smile, picking up the milkshake that you were both sharing and taking a sip of it through the straw. You’d spent the night with Renjun, sleeping on his chest on his small bed and cuddling him all night. You felt like you were living on a magical cloud and no one could bring you down. You’d also spent the morning with him, and he’d been strangely quiet, just cuddling with you on his bed and watching Netflix until your stomach rumbled and he dressed you in some of his clothes and marched you down to the diner.

“Nothing is.” He shrugged but you knew he was lying, his eyes still avoiding your own. You knew him too well though, so you knew that something was definitely playing on his mind.

“Is it because we fucked last night?” Renjun nearly choked on the nacho that he’d put in his mouth as an attempt to distract you from thinking something was wrong with him. You smirked, seeing that you’d got it right on the mark. “Do you regret it?” You gently rubbed your foot against his own as you sat opposite him in the booth.

“No!” His eyes widened as he hurried to reassure you that he didn’t regret what happened. “Babe no, I loved it, it was amazing…I just…” He trailed off, taking a deep breath, and running a hand through his hair nervously.

“What is it?” You gave him a smile of encouragement, hoping he wasn’t about to tell you that he didn’t want to do it again.

“You give me a funny feeling in my stomach.” He looked down at the milkshake glass in his hands, trailing his fingers up and down the condensation as his cheeks turned red. You felt your own cheeks start to burn at his confession, and you laughed awkwardly.

“That could just be the milkshake.” You mumbled, shoving a nacho in your mouth, and watching him intently.

“I’m being serious. You give me this feeling that I’ve never felt before and I’m fairly sure that it’s the feeling people get when they look at someone they love.” His words had your heart pounding, and suddenly you had no appetite. You knew what the feeling was, because you felt it whenever you looked at Renjun, whenever he smiled, or said something really smart that went straight over your head.

“I feel the same way.” You reached across the table and took his hand in your own, gently rubbing your thumb against the back of his hand.

“Do you…oh god this is so awkward, and I’ve never done this before but…do you want to be with me? As my girlfriend?” He looked nervous, as if you were going to shot him down like a pigeon in the sky. You broke out into a big smile and giggled in your own nervousness.

“I would love to be your girlfriend.” You squeezed his hand, trying to stop yourself from squealing from how giddy you felt in that moment. Your best friend was also your boyfriend, and from that moment you would start a new chapter in your relationship with Renjun.

Later on that evening Renjun had convinced you to let him draw you. You felt silly, and you knew for a fact you’d find it hard to stay still the whole time considering he wanted to draw your whole body. But since he asked so nicely, and had begged about sixty times in an hour, you eventually stripped off completely naked, and laid on his bed for him. You laid on your side with your head resting on his pillow, your right arm tucked under the pillow as you faced him. He was sat in his gaming chair, his glasses perched on his nose and his sketchpad in his lap. He kept poking his tongue out in concentration and would tell you off every time you moved.

“So, I know you spoke to the boys earlier on when I was in the shower,” You smiled at him, trying your hardest not to move as to not get scolded by him again. “Did they say anything about us?” Renjun looked up over his sketch pad and cleared his throat, giving you an awkward laugh and nod.

“Of course they did. First off, they congratulated me for losing my virginity first, they also said they were super shocked, which I’m not gonna lie, kind of offended about that.” He laughed, which told you he was only joking, and he hadn’t actually taken any offence to their words. “Then they said that they’re happy for me that I have finally asked you out and yeah that’s pretty much it.” You bit your bottom lip, smirking as you looked at Renjun, his eyes trained on his art and not looking at you as he worked on a certain part.

“Renjun…” You called out, parting your legs and trailing your left hand down your body, cupping your heat and rubbing your fingers over yourself slowly. He looked up and then looked back at his art, realising what he’d just seen and quickly looking back up against to take a second look.

“Holy…” He trailed off, gulping as he watched you rub yourself, your bottom lip between your teeth. “I know you’re trying to seduce me so that we can fuck but…I haven’t drawn your lower half yet and I would really love to draw you exactly as you are now. So don’t move!” His face was red, but he looked like an excited puppy. You groaned, you eyes rolling and you cursed yourself for having an artist as a boyfriend, because now he was finally in a sexual relationship, he could unlock a whole new level to his art that he’d never been able to before.

“Haung Renjun, you better fuck me so good after you’re finished drawing or I will rip it up.” Your threat left a wide grin on his face, and you knew this was going to be an incredibly fun chapter in your life.

Hello! I hope you enjoyed the first instalment of The Virgin Diaries! I didn’t proofread the smut scene so sorry if there’s any grammar or spelling errors there, maybe one day I’ll go back and proofread it but don’t hold your breath. Let me know what you think and if you’re excited for Jeno’s part (he’s next). Love you!

4K notes · View notes

why-this-kolaveri-machi · 3 years

Text

just because you’re afraid it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

Titans 3.05

once more into the cold dark void of the internet with my stream-of-consciousness take on a superhero tv show...

spoilers ahead.

1. i cannot believe that among the first things i get to hear in this episode with my own two ears is the line 'eluded our overdudes'. why must you give me such pain along with so much joy, show?

1.5. scarecrow stringing jason along on this path to red-hood-dom is not something i would’ve ever expected, but does kind of make sense.

1.55. i don’t know all the details of the original resurrection arc in the comics but i like that jason, weirdly, has a greater role to play in his own demise and rebirth? i think it makes it easier to draw a line between his past trauma, the demonstrably shitty and terrifying responsibility of being robin, the ways bruce and the titans wronged him, his responses to that, the reasons he turns to scarecrow, and his final evolution to red hood. it makes for a smoother character arc rather than a one that was interrupted for two decades before somebody went oh hey let’s resurrect that kid that the audience once voted to kill and make him an anti-hero!

1.75. what’s crane giving him? anti fear toxin? anyway, crane is a fucking creep and i’m not sure i want to see a whole lot of him on my screen.

2. oh, um, heads up: there’s a long sequence of unsteady cam + flickering lights right after the title card upto the 3:16 mark. it’s a bit headache-inducing so if you want to skip, you can go ahead and do that.

2.45. that’s... weird... why would he dream about... donna...

ok, who am i kidding. i’m going to jump right into my theory about Why Titans Makes Sense Actually because the show itself is apparently not interested in explaining itself:

a) it makes no sense for jason to be conjuring up donna--who famously did not care much for him!--in his dreams. (he wasn’t even there when she died.) or for her to be telling him don’t go or there’s still time.

b) this leads me to think that that’s actually donna, in some sort of limbo between life and death, the kind of place where jericho used to be

c) rachel has demonstrated that she has the power to link the minds of the titans across great distances--she called jason and hank/dawn for help in 2.01, she linked up everybody later in the season, projected dick’s hallucination of his father into their brains without even realising she was doing it, and in the finale, she managed to get dick into conner’s brain. she’s in themyscira now. is this how she gets donna back to life? but reaching out to her in that non-space between life and death?

d) the next obvious question is: why isn’t donna appearing in the dreams of the other titans? she probably is, but they have better reason to be dreaming about her since they were actually close to her, unlike jason.

e) but why would she warn jason in particular? does she foresee jason entering the afterlife--however briefly? does she have an idea of what jason plans to do and what he will become?

f) anyway, more trippy mindscapes and weird psychic powers, yay!

2.5. my heart clenched when bruce comforted jason post-nightmare: clearly i’ve been reading way too much batfam fic. this is a side of bruce we haven’t really been told to expect by all the characters on the show calling him a ‘psychopath’ (*cough*unreliablenarrators*cough*) and him getting jason to speak to a professional speaks volumes about the kind of self-reflection he’s done post dick’s departure, and maybe some of the regrets he has with regards to how he dealt with dick’s traumas.

i mean, just look at him when jason dismisses his concerns! BRUCE IS TRYING JASON

anyway, i have a whole lot more i want to say about this, but i’ll save it for later.

also: LESLIE THOMPKINS!!!!

3. i really like molly--and i love that she’s a friend from before jason got taken in by bruce, the implication that they meet up regularly and that she’s a grounding influence on him (tho clearly not grounding enough to not go along with his dumbass idea about confronting a child trafficker alone).

3.5. aw, jason. robin was his armour against everything in the world that would throw him down and chew him to bits, but san francisco proved that even robin wasn’t enough to protect him. it’s really interesting how ‘disillusionment with the idea of robin’ is so integral to the traumas of both dick and jason but in such different ways.

4. LESLIE!!!!!!! i even forgive her office being so goddamn blue because leslie!

4.5. it makes so much sense for titans!verse leslie to be a therapist, because this show is so inward looking anyway, and therapist sessions are a useful tool to showcase this character work in a story. besides, at least in fanfic, leslie often seems to double up as a counsellor anyway.

4.6. oh man. i’m not terribly convinced by walters’ red hood (tho i think that may be the point--argh. i’ll come back to this thought later. have to stop getting distracted!) but he plays the asshole kid that’s trying not to let any real emotion seep through really well.

“you’d like me to punch you, wouldn’t you”

5. not sure what to think of batman’s little trophy case other than the show winking unsubtly at us and going look look - catwoman! the riddler! two face! you excited yet?! it’s like the scene from the end of amazing spiderman 2 when they were trying to drum up excitement for a sinister six spinoff by having harry osborne walk by a bunch of display cases with stuff from iconic villains in them.

... but then again, bruce does like to display a lot of shit in his batcave, including his dead robin’s bloodstained costume, so.

5.5. bruce is so soft with jason it’s killing me. beyond just trying to learn from his mistakes with dick, it speaks to his own genuine desire to balance his dedication to gotham with doing the best by his sons, although he’s often not successful with that.

i love that titans is really playing the long game with bruce wayne, with each season and character-perspective sliding in fresh pieces of a bigger puzzle. titans’ bruce has always been a phantom of other peoples’ making, but now we’re getting the idea that he’s a whole lot more complicated than other people make it seem.

5.75. it really recontextualises some of his actions from previous seasons: the fact that he locked dick out of his security systems in 1.06 is likely his way of respecting dick’s independence and his desire not to be associated with batman/gotham anymore. jason knowing about bruce’s tracker while dick doesn’t is probably bruce trying to be more honest and upfront with his charges. bruce sending jason packing off to sanfran to spend time with the titans is probably not him passing on a big responsibility to dick (as i first uncharitably thought) but him trying to get jason out of the toxic influence of gotham for a while and a sign of his trust in dick as a leader and a mentor,

5.8. i mean, bruce is a prick, but he’s also human.

6. i think leslie is doing some good work with jason here, though she may have overstepped the line with her line about robin as a construct being projected by a man with BPD. her speculations about bruce’s diagnosis have no place in her session with jason, and if bruce confides in her, an egregious violation of patient-therapist confidentiality.

(about the diagnosis itself... i don’t know. i can’t really confirm or refute this without a whole lot more information, and i’m not sure if the writer of this episode means BPD in the same way an actual professional might.)

6.5. i think a huge thing that gets missed out in a lot of recent comics as well as movies/shows is that bruce didn’t create the robin persona out of whole cloth. dick did. he’s the starting point of that legacy and to call it entirely bruce’s creation is blatant erasure of that. in fact, i’m surprised that dick doesn’t feature more in the conversations they’re having about the pressures of being robin. after all, the guy had been robin--bruce’s partner--for such a long time before jason.

6.8. (and here’s the primal part of me that resonates the deepest with dick grayson--the Eldest Daughter part--that’s sort of resentful: that jason gets the therapy and softness and the learning from mistakes when it took years and years for bruce to reach out in any meaningful way to dick.)

7. oooh that was a great scene!

it’s fun to do these stream-of-consciousness live reactions, because the moment you step down from your soapbox, the episode goes right into tackling what you were just complaining about. bruce means well, he’s learning, but he goes about exactly the wrong way to help jason: taking away robin now can’t be read by jason as anything but a devastating judgment call from bruce. and iain glen really sells the moment that bruce realises this--too late--and his helplessness in trying to get jason to see that it isn’t jason’s fault that he’s trying to do this. he loves jason enough that jason is enough.

7.5. aaaah so jason brings up the elephant in the room at last. dick got everything makes sense from his perspective, where getting to put on a costume and fight crime means approval, means being something stronger and better than you are. dick got to be robin, then nightwing, and a leader of a whole team of other costume-clad heroes.

8. ... how did jason just walk into arkham????? this is ridiculous.

8.3. i mean, clearly jason’s not thinking straight, but betraying batman like this puts his possibilities of being robin again even further away.

8.5. watching that chemistry experiment montage was strangely funny. this guy is looking for an antidote to fear? well, constantly mixing up and inhaling gases concocted by a mad-scientist supervillain is something only the very fearless--reckless to the point of foolishness!--would do. what’s to say crane’s not given you a formula for a drug that will keep you tethered to his every will and whim? hmmmm?

8.7. so he sought out the joker to... test the formula???

9. wow the “loud and clear... boss” hits different after a whole episode of them referring to each other as father and son.

9.3. waitwaitwait HOLD UP. wait a DANG MINUTE. you’re telling me that scarecrow had enough resources that he could not only have folks on the outside steal jason away and dunk him in a lazarus pit (i TOLD you that this show would bring up and dismiss ra’s al ghul in a ten second aside! I TOLD YOU) but also have his own little chemistry lab in the basement, AND have enough resources for jason to build his red hood persona???????? all of this in barely twenty four hours?

well there goes my ‘jason orchestrated his death’ theory. it was nice while it lasted. *cups hands to the sky* fly away, my baby.

9.6. a part of me is gleeful at the rushed nature of such an iconic transformation though, especially when compared to all the character work that went before it. we’re so used to getting the opposite that it’s fucking delightful to have a show that’s more interested in exploring its characters’ minds rather than battle scenes or recreating transformations from the comics. that’s taken such bold and exciting steps to fully convey all the nuances of its most recognisable character, bruce wayne, from casting an older actor to play him to unflinchingly showing just how damaging the vigilante lifestyle has been to him and the people he loves. BRILLIANT

*sporfle*

10. again, heads up: a whole lot of flashing lights between 40:28 and 42:00.

10.3. i guess it’s the super-compressed timeline that’s really throwing me off. where did he have the time to get/develop the mind control thing from? or is it something that he got from the cabal of villains that he intimidated at the beginning of 3.02? very messy.

10.5. i love molly, i hope she shows up again this season.

11. aaaand that’s it! that was a solid episode as flashback episodes go, but now i can’t wait to return to the present.

#titans #titans spoilers #meta #jason todd #bruce wayne #leslie thompkins #a tragic jalebi #robin #red hood

40 notes · View notes

dershloop · 3 years

Text

Title: Burning Pile

Words: 2410

Ship: Lava

Warnings: depressive episode, mentions of worthlessness. i wrote this based off od how my own depressive episodes tend to happen/come about so this might not be accurate to everyone so dont start yelling at me if its not "how depression is for you" anyone who says that will be blocked. its more of a comfort fic to get me through the last week of school.

Cole yawned, throwing his bag on the floor and rolling his shoulders, feeling them pop satisfyingly. Finally, he was home. Rubbing his eyes; cracking his neck and feeling his limbs come alive once more. He hated long car rides, they cramped his limps and make him travel sick. That’s the problem being tall and large; the back of cars wasn’t made to accommodate you. Jay kept telling him to learn to drive himself, but he didn’t have the time. Being a ninja was surprisingly hard work, with little time in between to learn to drive. He’d just have to make do.

“Oh Cole, hey dude, forgot you were coming back today,” Jay said, walking into the room, leaning against the counter, a strange look contorting his face, “How’s your dad?”

“Not too bad. Still pretty insistent on me being a good singer. Apparently, I just have to ‘dig deep. Something tells me he’s never going to back off with it,” Cole said with a laugh, Jay laughed, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes, “Are you ok man? You seem… I dunno. Off,” Jay’s face fell, his mouth scrunching nervously.

“You’re gonna be so pissed I didn’t tell you but… Kai’s not ok, he-”

“Wait what? What happened, where is he?’ Cole said frantically, his face falling in panic.

“I don’t- I don’t know dude! He’s barely been leaving his room, I don’t think he’s showered all week and I’ve barely seen him eat anything. We’ve tried to give him stuff and made him drink some water but-” Jay didn’t get a chance to finish, Cole pushed past him, dashing to his boyfriend’s room. From what he could gather, this had started a week ago. When he’d left. He hadn’t had a depressive episode in months now; had him leaving been the catalyst for all this? He was sure he’d been careful, he’d texted him every day. Even if they hadn’t called, he hadn’t asked. Besides, his dad didn’t know about them yet, he didn’t want to accidentally come out because of a phone call. Either way, if Kai had been in a bad way he hadn’t seemed like it. Apart from not asking to call, he’d seemed relatively normal. No slow replies. No giving texts. Nothing.

Cole softly knocked on Kai’s bedroom door, though it seemed pointless. No matter the response, he was going in there.

“What?” A hoarse voice called from inside the room. Kai’s hoarse voice. Cole opened the door, staring in awe at the state of the room. It was… messy to say the least. Clothes were scattered across the floor, making it so you couldn't even see the carpet. Mugs and glasses and bowls and plates littered around, just extra obstacles to the already high-staked trek to Kai’s bed.

“I’ve told you guys, leave me alone!” Kai yelled pushing himself up from his flat position on the bed, twisting his head around and staring at Cole, slightly gone out. His face fell when he realised who it was, staring at him solemnly from his position in the doorway.

“You’re back,” He murmured, twisting himself around fully so he was looking at Cole. Properly this time.

“Yeah,” Cole said softly, stepping carefully around the rubble and decay scattered all over the floor, sitting down on Kai’s bed when he finally got to it, “What… What happened?”

Kai shrugged, not looking at Cole. His hair was slicked back, matted to his skull with grease. Pimples beginning to form on his face, the lack of skincare irritating his delicate skin. Cole would be lying if he said he didn’t look gross and smell just as bad, but that didn’t put him off. Obviously, something was wrong, what kind of a boyfriend would he be if he didn’t do anything.

“I just… started feeling empty. I don’t care about anything and I have no motivation to do anything but… I didn’t want to be a burden, and I knew that if you suspected anything you’d come back so I just played it cool. Half expected one of them to tell you but… I guess they didn’t want you cutting your trip short for me either,” He muttered sadly, still not making eye contact. He couldn't. Not in this state. He was disgusting. His breath stunk like he’d just eaten something that’d been dead for a while and he probably stunk like something that’d been dead for a while too. Despite barely leaving his bed, his face was gaunt, his cheekbones beginning to further protrude, this time to an unhealthy degree and his eye sagging, purple eyebags hanging down as if weighing down his entire soul.

“Oh firefly,” Cole mumbled, opening his arms and wrapping them around Kai’s shoulders and pulling him close, feeling as Kai slowly relaxed into his body, not moving his arms.

“I’m sorry,” Kai said softly into Cole’s chest.

“For what?”

“Not telling you. Lying to you.”

“I don’t care. You have nothing to be sorry for, you weren’t in the right headspace and still aren’t. But I’m home now, so I’ll help you get out of this. Have you been taking your meds?” Cole said, still speaking in hushed tones. He wasn’t 100% sure why, but it seemed to be comforting to him, so he continued doing it.

Kai shook his head slowly, knowing he was about to get lectured.

“Ok, that’d explain a lot. Let’s start with that then,” Cole said simply, standing up and looking down at Kai.

“What?” He said, confused as Cole looked down at him expectantly.

“Come on. I’m taking you to take your medication,” Cole stated, holding out his hand, “If I bring ‘em to you, you’ll not feel any better.” Kai sighed and took his hand, letting his boyfriend’s strong form pull him out of bed. He slumped over slightly, his legs barely able to keep him standing. Letting his arm hang limply, his hand barely holding Coles, they walked out of his room and to the kitchen. He wasn’t 100% sure he was even in the room with him, his mind fuzzing in and out of focus from his surroundings. One moment, he was in the kitchen with his boyfriend. Next, he was in his head, letting his thoughts run wild. The latter was less than ideal; especially without the prescribed dosage of antidepressants in his system; but he didn’t have the energy to care.

“Ok,” Cole said, putting 2 small pills down in front of Kai along with a cup of water, “Take them.” Kai nodded, letting go of Cole’s hand and picked up the tablets, sloppily placing them in his mouth and swallowing them with the cool water. It felt heavenly, rolling down his dry throat and even drier tongue, giving them a new lease of life.

“Better?” Cole said softly, taking Kai’s hand back in his own. Kai shrugged, leaning against Cole and closing his eyes.

“Don’t bother going back to sleep on my arm, there’s more,” Cole continued, firmly but lovingly. Kai knew it was for his own good but… he just wanted to get back in bed. There was an immovable weight on his chest, dragging him down and increasing the effort to keep himself upright. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could actually stay stood up.

“Ok, have you had something to eat today?” Cole asked, taking Kai’s other hand and looking at him softly. Kai nodded, looking back, but not quite meeting Cole’s eyes. His heart twisted with every beat in his chest; his stomach turning in knots. He knew he couldn’t give in and let him go back to bed- he’d never feel better while he’s in this state- but the look in his eyes. It was so… void. So tired. So… emotionless. Yet full of emotion. Twisting and turning. Hurt, anger, sadness and an utter lack of anything positive.

“Ok. In that case, only 2 more things. We’re gonna brush your teeth and shower,” Cole said, Kai’s face falling in desperation. Evidently, he didn’t want to do either of those things; but Cole knew full well that he wouldn’t do it of his own volition.

“Please, firefly. We can watch a movie or something after that. I just… want you to feel better. I’m doing this for your own good. Plus, I’ll help you. I won’t get in the shower with you, but if you need help with anything I’ll stay in the bathroom while you’re in there. Just… how about this. Just wash your hair. Then I can put some deodorant on you and wipe your face. Are you ok with that?” Kai nodded in response, eliciting a small smile from Cole.

“Good. I’m so insanely proud of you Kai, for working with me here. I know how hard it can be when you get like this so I know how much it’s taking for you to do this right now. So, I’m insanely proud of you for actually going along with me,” Cole said sincerely, raising his free hand and resting it on Kai’s cheek. Kai leant into his hand and smiled a small, but tired, smile, raising his own hand and resting it on top of Cole’s.

Walking towards the bathroom, Kai took a reluctant breath and stepped inside, Cole following soon after. Cole turned the water on, pulling the mildly disgusting shirt off of Kai and tossing it into the laundry basket, letting him take off his boxers. Slowly stepping into the shower, Kai winced as the hot water hit his skin, cascading down his body and washing any surface-level grime away. His arms were lead; his eyelids hanging heavily over his eyes. He couldn’t do this.

“Cole,” He said weakly, not moving from under the warm water, “I want to get out.”

“Come on Kai, don’t give up now,” Cole replied softly, moving towards the shower and opening the curtain, seeing the exhausted look in his eyes, “I’ll wash your hair. How about that?” Kai nodded slowly. Cole smiled, pulling his own shirt over his head and discarding it to the side, reaching around his boyfriend and grabbing the shampoo, making sure Kai’s hair was wet enough before applying any. He slowly massaged it into his skull, looking down from his hair to Kai every so often to give him a comforting smile. Kai sighed contently, feeling the first bout of comfort; and even the first sliver of joy; in days. The feeling of Cole’s fingers on his head… knowing he was here and he was ok and alive. He was alive. Cole was here. The steady scratching and rubs keeping him grounded.

Quickly washing the shampoo out of Kai’s hair and turning off the water, Cole smiled, taking Kai’s hand again and leading him out and towards the sink. Cole grabbed his robe from the back of the door, bundling Kai up in it to assure he stayed warm. Cole laughed a little, looking down at Kai’s short, thin figure wrapped in his large robe, like a baby in a teenagers coat.

“What?”

“You just look really cute. You know like when a little kid just gets out of the shower. Their hair’s all slicked back and their bathrobe is about 10 sizes too big?” Kai blushed and crinkled his brow indignantly.

“I do not look like a child, not all of us were blessed to be 6 foot you know,” He huffed, pulling the robe around himself tighter.

“Yes, you do! You’re my cute little baby boy!” Cole said enthusiastically, noticing the smallest of sparkes light up in Kai’s eyes again as he glared indignantly at his boyfriend. With a laugh, Cole grabbed Kai’s toothbrush, putting some toothpaste on it and splattering it with water.

“Open up baby boy!” Cole said with a grin. Kai rolled his eyes and opened his mouth, allowing him to quickly brush his teeth. Grabbing a face wipe from the cupboard, he gently scrubbed the grease off of his boyfriend’s face. Then, finally, he grabbed a can of deodorant and sprayed him all over, banishing any thought of odour away from their minds (and bodies). Cole grabbed his shirt from the spot on the floor where it had landed earlier and pulled it back over his head.

“Hair drying time now,” Cole said, grabbing a clean towel from the cupboard and laying it over Kai’s wet hair, gently beginning to rub it, dragging the worst of the moisture out. Kai sighed in contentment, feeling himself shake and move as Cole dried his hair, the rough towel feeling heavenly as it dragged along his scalp, massaging any worries or unnecessary emotions away. Now all he felt was a deep feeling of peace and quiet.

“Damn, I’ll rub your head more often, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy,” Cole said with a laugh, continuing to softly rub his head with the towel, unable to contain his laughter at the small noises of contentment coming from Kai. Eventually, he took the towel back off his head and smiled down at his boyfriend, ruffling his hair affectionately.

“Now we just need to get you some clothes, then it’s dumb movie time,” Kai smiled, his lips softly curving into a smile; a real one.

“Can I wear your clothes?” he said softly, his voice still hoarse from barely speaking this last week.

“Of course firefly, it’d be rude of me not to!” Cole said lightly, taking his hand and leading him to his room, immediately grabbing his largest hoodie and sweatpants. He helped Kai put them on and stared down at him in awe.

“You. Are. So. Damn. Small!” Cole said happily, looking at his boyfriend’s small frame being taken over by his large clothing.

“No, you’re just too big,” Kai said indignantly, stuffing his hands in the pockets of the hoodie.

“You know I mean it lovingly, you just look too cute in my clothes,” Cole gleamed, his face lighting up in pure delight. Kai said nothing, just let out a small giggle, his face glowing crimson.

“Now come! My sweet little baby boy! We shall watch dumb movies made for people 10 years younger than us until you feel better!” Cole exclaimed, sweeping Kai off his feet and holding him bridal style, carrying him towards his own room where he dumped him on the bed, turning on the TV and preparing for at least a day of watching weird movies and enjoying each others company.

#ninjago #lego ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago kai smith #ninjago cole #ninjago fanfiction #ninjago lava #lavashipping #ninjago kai/cole #kai/cole #ninjago fic #dersh’s fics

47 notes · View notes

haddocknumber3 · 3 years

Text

Why the Supernatural Finale was Bad and Misguided

(This is the script I wrote for a video essay I uploaded to Youtube so that’s why there are lines across the page at points because it was broken up into sections that I could record individually)

The Finale of Supernatural was bad.

There, I said it. Now I know the finale was pretty divisive and there’s a lot of people who really loved it and that’s absolutely okay. I do understand most of the viewpoints that have been made to defend the finale. First though, I want to give a brief history of me and the show.

I started watching Supernatural in Feb 2019 when a friend recommended it to me. Like so many other people who have fallen in love with the show, once I started watching I couldn’t stop. I absolutely loved it and luckily I started watching at the perfect time because I was able to watch the final season live with everyone else which is an experience I will always cherish, regardless of my opinions towards the finale.

_________________________________________________________

When 15x19 was released, I was on holiday and while I thought of waiting till I got home to watch it along with the finale, I decided to jump into it. Sadly, I was a little underwhelmed going into it because I saw a minor spoiler on Rob Benedict’s Instagram with him posing with Jared, Jensen and Alex saying “That’s it for me. What a ride. Thank you again to this amazing cast, crew, and group of writers past and present. And to the best fans in the world. My life is forever changed.”

Regardless of that though, I still really enjoyed the episode. It felt rushed but I was still really satisfied with it and I was pumped to see where the final episode would take things…

_______________________________________________________

In the week leading up to the final episode, I deleted all social media and stayed away from anything that could possibly provide spoilers for the finale. I was so damn excited. I was just as excited about the finale of SPN as I was about Endgame the year prior, which I’ll also be doing a video on soon. So when I finally got home from holiday I jumped straight on the CW website and watched the finale.

__________________________________________________________

Guess what? I absolutely loved it. I couldn’t have asked for a better finale. I cried my eyes out and I had never felt that level of heartache towards any piece of media ever, besides maybe Schindler's List and Life is Beautiful. But as the final scene played, I sat back with incredible satisfaction. I was so sad but so happy at the same time. However when I started reading the reviews I was taken aback by the negativity towards the finale. I genuinely didn’t understand and took the stance of ‘Oh these people just don’t understand the show they're watching and they just didn’t get it.”

_________________________________________________________

Yeah…I was one of those people. I read into a few reasons why people didn’t like the finale and I sort of understood their stance, but I still remained firm with my opinion. However, over the last few months my opinion had begun to change.

It’s now May 2021 as I’m writing this and I can firmly say that the finale of Supernatural is bad. Actually, it’s really bad.

Not only have I now changed my opinion on 15x19 which I now consider to be a good, but not that great penultimate episode, but I genuinely believe that this finale, 15x20, destroyed the progress of 15 seasons worth of character development and story for a simple and misguided finale. In this video I’ll be breaking down why that is, and an ending of my own that would hopefully satisfy all fans. Here’s how to flush 15 years and 15 seasons of television down the drain:

_________________________________________________________

Title card: ‘Thematic Inconsistencies’

A REALLY great video by Media Buzzkill called ‘The Fiction of Free Will: A Supernatural Video Essay’ breaks down the final episode along with the final season exceptionally well and I’ll link that video in the description because they go really in depth with the concept of meta and how it fits into the show’s narrative and man, I keep re-watching it because it’s brilliant and an almost perfect summary of my feelings towards the finale.

________________________________________________________

The thematic inconsistencies present in the finale are quite astounding to be frank because the penultimate episode was the perfect way to set up the final episode, simply with the thematic question of: What do Sam and Dean do once the story is over? What do they really want out of life now that they have finally escaped the hamster wheel.

By the end of 15x19, there are a few thematic through lines that are present that should have been followed through on in the finale in order to make a satisfying conclusion to the story:

__________________________________________________________

- The concept of freedom for the Winchesters and what that means for both of them as individuals. (I’ll talk more about this during the character section of the video as I’ve got a lot to say about it and I want to talk about other things first.)

- Family don’t end in blood (this is made clear by the extensive and frankly amazing montage at the end.)

- Meta narrative

Thematically, it’s clear from the Season 14 finale that the final season was going to be focusing on the brilliant meta narrative that the show had already been toying with for over a decade, ever since Chuck was originally introduced.

________________________________________________________

In my opinion, this was the only direction for the show to go in during its final season as they would have been able to tie up all the loose ends the show had whilst making the season feel grand and conclusive. By doing this, it makes the entire show feel much tighter as a result. Why? Because, in retrospect it’s made very clear where the show is heading, and it also bolsters the concept of the meta narrative which then only really allows for one type of ending that would feel satisfying. That is; Sam and Dean defeating Chuck and gaining their freedom from the story.

Thematically this is pure genius, and it seemed like we were going to get that ending after all… *sigh*

_________________________________________________________

Sadly, in the finale, everything that had been set up beforehand was utterly destroyed in one single episode. Instead of leaning into the thematic question of; what do Sam and Dean want now that they’re out of the story, the finale goes the opposite route and has them continue hunting. The exact same thing that they have been doing all their lives. It also strays away from that thematic question by doing exactly what shouldn’t have happened. Thematically, the finale stated that even though Sam and Dean had defeated Chuck and overcome his story, they still ended up meeting the same fates that they had previously wanted or desired. However, that’s another thing entirely that I’ll go into a little later.

_______________________________________________________

Again though, the finale states that no matter what conflict you may overcome, no matter how hard you push to gain the freedom you never thought you could have, you will never achieve it because you're destined to the fate you previously desired/thought you deserved at the start of the story. This is genuinely the worst possible ending as it directly conflicts with the concept of the meta narrative that they had been building throughout the entire final season.

A common defence of the finale that many people have given is that the show began with two brothers, so therefore the fact that it ended with the two brothers is narratively and thematically perfect. In some ways that is true and I’ll get into why that is later, but the way that was executed in the finale and how that concept was used, was terrible.

________________________________________________________

The show did start with the two brothers, alone on the road hunting the evil supernatural beings of the world. In the beginning, the themes were pretty clear. Family and love will triumph over any evil, and nothing is stronger than family, hence the phrase “Family don’t end in blood”. These themes were presented narratively through the brother’s relationship and how far they would go for one another to protect each other, even sacrificing themselves. However, this ISN’T how the show should have ended. Yes, those themes are still relevant and should’ve remained consistent even until the final episode, but to say that it’s perfect for the brothers to start the show alone and end the show alone with the same mindset and thematic outlook as the beginning is ridiculous.

_________________________________________________________

To have the finale only centre around the brothers is a good idea, but the thematic choices along with the character’s fates was incredibly contradictory and awful to everything that had been set up before, but again I’m going to delve into this aspect a little bit later.

For the writers to revert the narrative of the final season back to the first season in the final episode is monumentally wrong and misguided. As a result of this, the final episode feels like a strange nostalgia trip, until you realise that it is an episode that literally belongs right in the middle of season 1. If Supernatural was only ever a 1 season show, then this finale would have been practically perfect. But it’s not. It’s a 15 year long show with characters that undergo incredibly difficult character struggles that allow them to change for the better. So for the ending to chuck them right back to where they started is frankly stupid and kind of insulting.

__________________________________________________________

Title card: ‘Characters’

Before I dissect the characters of Sam and Dean and their role in the finale, I’m going to lay out a brief thought process that I’m going to use when analysing them. You may have heard this in other formats but if you haven’t then I’ll reiterate it here.

Most characters must have two things in order for a story to be strong, compelling, and satisfying. Those two things are WANTS and NEEDS. When a character wants something, that’s what drives their motivation throughout the story and what guides their decisions. It also affects how they relate and interact with other characters.

________________________________________________________

A need is the thing the character must face and come to terms with, in order to complete their character arc and satisfy the requirements of the story. By learning that what they want is either not achievable or goes against what’s truly important to them, they must satisfy that need for the benefit of themselves and the people around them. This makes for a satisfying and logical ending to the story as the character is no longer driven by something they want, but is driven by their need, depending on what it is.

Now, let’s go back to Supernatural shall we?

_________________________________________________________

In the beginning of the show, Sam and Dean started off wanting separate things since they were individuals who had their own goals, aspirations, and motivations.

Sam wanted to live a normal life; go to college, meet a girl, get a job in law, and hopefully start a family of his own. This changed however at the end of the Pilot to Sam wanting revenge against the demon that killed Jess.

___________________________________________________________

Dean wanted Sam back in the life of hunting with him as he didn’t want to go off to try and find their Dad alone. Dean also wanted to keep hunting as he felt like it was all he was good for and his only purpose in life. Also, its made quite clear during the first season that Dean has incredibly low self-worth. As pointed out in Castiel’s confession scene during 15x18, Dean thinks of himself as “destructive, angry, broken, “Daddy’s blunt instrument.” As a result of this, he’s made it clear that he wants to die. How does he WANT this to happen? Blaze of glory, going out on a hunt, dying bloody, the way he’s always thought he deserved, and due to his low self-worth, he has accepted that and come to terms with that fate, hence his macho manly man facade he puts on in front of people. That is what he wants at the beginning of the show. Even though he has died over and over again in gruesome ways, his permanent death was supposedly destined to be going out on a regular hunt, blaze of glory, saving people, hunting things, the family business. At least that’s what he thought he deserved…

__________________________________________________________

However by the end of the series, he’s gained enough self-worth to realize that’s not what he wants anymore. *play the clip from season 1 where Dean talks about retiring on a beach* also *play the clip in 15x19 where Chuck calls Dean the ultimate killer and Dean responds with that’s not who I am”.

This is a really good penultimate stepping stone in terms of Dean’s character arc and how it wraps up because he has finally gained a proper sense of self-worth, not by defeating Chuck, but by realizing that who he truly is, and who he really wants to be isn’t dictated by the story that Chuck had written.

__________________________________________________________

Media Buzzkill mentions it in their video but something the final season really dropped the ball on was the parallel between John and Chuck; both abusive and neglectful fathers who tried to control their children’s lives. For Dean to finally overthrow Chuck and gain his freedom, thematically he could have gained his freedom from the path his father set him on ever since he was a young kid. But since the season didn’t lean into that parallel, this wasn’t officially a thing that was going on. However I still like to think of it that way. Back to the point though.

_________________________________________________________

As a result of Dean gaining his freedom from Chuck and finally claiming his own autonomy, he is now able to complete his character arc as he has put aside his WANTS that he had at the beginning of the show (dying young on a hunt, always having to protect Sam no matter what the personal toll it takes on him) and fulfilled his NEED to achieve a status of self-worth and self-actualization in order to benefit himself and the people around him. Another point to affirm this is the fact that this couldn’t have happened without the meta story being involved. In my opinion this makes it all feel like a very logical, consistent and satisfying story for Dean.

______________________________________________________

The reason why I mentioned this as the perfect penultimate stepping stone for Dean’s character arc is that the question raised at the end of 15x19 still hadn’t been answered yet: “What do Sam and Dean want now that the story is over and they’re free?” I also know what you're going to say. “But isn’t it all about wants and needs? If they’re free from the story then shouldn’t they need to learn something instead of just getting what they want?” You may have a point, however due to the fact that the show has surrounded itself in the concept of meta narratives, then this is where the wants and needs don’t necessarily apply. The reason is that the finale should have followed through on what Sam and Dean needed, which was, by the time the finale started, to figure out a life that was beyond the confines of the story.

________________________________________________________

Dean

I’m going to focus on Dean first because that’s the main thing I have an issue with in the finale, but I will talk about Sam afterwards.

By the time the finale started, Dean had finally fulfilled what he needed, which was a stable life that was beyond the story. He wasn’t dictated by some grand plan anymore and he finally had the freedom he deserved. Yes, he wanted this, but he also NEEDED to realize that in order for him to truly break the cycle and get off the hamster wheel, he needed to achieve a proper sense of self-actualization. If he wasn’t able to do this, then he truly would always have felt like he didn’t belong, even if he had gotten what he wanted (getting freedom from the story.) The reason why, is that after learning everything he had about Chuck, his manipulations, how Chuck had been controlling them their entire lives, for him to defeat Chuck, but remain in the status quo of what he’s always known, it would naturally cause him to feel unsatisfied with life and therefore would make us feel unsatisfied at the way the series ends…

___________________________________________________________

Yes, I know that his identity is tied to being a hunter. I’m all for that because yeah even though Chuck had been controlling them their entire lives Dean still loved hunting even towards the end. But for Dean to not even consider any other kind of life outside of “the life” is strange because it seemed like that was the only direction for the story to take…But no, he stays with the life and decides to continue hunting and serving the role that he had been placed in from the time he was born; saving people, hunting things, the family business. The role he had been forced into his whole life, destined for nothing more...

Back to the events of the finale…

____________________________________________________________

Dean has continued hunting and he continues to live alone with Sam in the bunker. Yes, the pie scene was perfect. Well, not perfect, Sam bringing up Cas and Dean barely reacting and just sort of hand waving it was...a big yikes. But this video isn’t about Dean and Cas’ relationship (p.s I do support and like Destiel but I’m not going to delve into that in this video as people like Media Buzzkill have already done that really well in their own separate videos, which I’ll link in the description.)

_________________________________________________________

When Dean and Sam go on that final hunt and Dean gets impaled on the rusty piece of rebar, it was random, out of nowhere and confusing. Some say that this was perfect because they weren’t being dictated by the story anymore and accidents can happen to anyone for any reason. That’s just a part of being human. Right. Okay. Well, yes that may be true that they aren’t invincible now, but my god does that spit in the face of everything the characters had fought for. To say that even after defeating Chuck, even after escaping the story that had been written for them, after 15 years of defying their destinies, A CORE THEME OF THE SHOW FROM THE BEGINNING OF SEASON 1, to say that Dean just ends up dying on a random hunt, alone, with only his brother by his side and no one else from the family that he and Sam had built over the years, and that despite his current needs, he is still ultimately rendered to be the self-destructive, suicidal-idealist, “daddy’s blunt instrument” that he was at the beginning of the show is incredibly disrespectful and in some cases quite dangerous to the viewers of the show who have suffered from mental health issues. Why? Because the finale, along with Dean’s death, states unintentionally that you will never break out of your cycle, you will never escape your original fate, you will never achieve freedom, you will never achieve happiness in life, and possibly the worst sentiment of the entire ordeal is that you can only find peace in death.

What a fucking waste. What a disgusting travesty of a finale. My god.

*sigh*

__________________________________________________________

I understand the nostalgia behind it all. I get the nostalgic feelings of a classic Monster of the Week. When I originally saw the finale, I loved it, as I’ve previously stated in this video. I’m pretty much a nostalgia junkie, trust me, I can see it. I got all the references and little nods to the rest of the series like John’s journal, that random Jenny vampire chick, Dean’s love of pie, “I can’t do this alone, yes you can, well I don’t want to,” when Dean tells Sam that he stood outside his dorm for hours before the Pilot, Carry on My Wayward Son playing as Dean drives in heaven, Harvelles Roadhouse, OG Bobby,

______________________________________________________

WAIT. HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE. Record stops (say that quieter)

When Sam brings up Cas and how he misses him at the Pie festival, Dean addresses it by saying “That pain is not gonna go away, right? But if we don’t keep living, then all that sacrifice is gonna be for nothing.”

I actually don’t know what the fuck happened, but the writers are not dumb...They knew Dean would be dying in this episode right? SO WHY HAVE HIM SAY THAT IF THEY DONT KEEP LIVING THEN ALL THAT SACRIFICE IS GONNA BE FOR NOTHING UNLESS THE WRITERS WANTED IT TO MEAN NOTHING.

______________________________________________________

I...I have no words. This fucking ending man. OKay, sorry, let’s carry on with the video because I’m legitimately mad now and just want to get through this.

To finish my point about Dean’s ending, he needed to leave the hunting life in one way or another. If he didn’t, and stayed in the life just like in the actual finale, then I have no doubt that he would begin to feel unsatisfied with life and eventually quit hunting at some point down the road. What I’m trying to say is the only logical ending for Dean Winchester, the man who’s entire identity is centered around hunting, needed to leave that life for something better. This wouldn’t have worked in a regular story where there wasn’t the concept of the meta narrative because if Dean just randomly decided to leave the life, even though he was already firmly a part of it then it would indeed be out of character for him. But since this is a meta story, Dean needed to achieve a sense of self-actualization that was beyond the story that had been written for him since he was born. Few, sorry, okay, onto Sam now.

__________________________________________________________

Sam

So I don’t have as much to say about Sam than I did with Dean but I still think that this was the wrong ending for him. It isn’t actually too bad if I’m being honest, but it is still regressive and quite similar to Dean’s ending in many ways sadly. But there’s a core idea at the centre of Sam’s ending that I do think was a good idea, but it’s buried under so much crap and nonsense that it was deformed into something misguided, even if the idea itself isn’t bad at all. I’ll start with that first.

_________________________________________________

Sam being forced to witness his brother’s death is nothing new. But now that he is experiencing his supposedly final death, this causes him to leave the life entirely and go live an apple-pie life. It’s clear from this that he has finally learned to let go of his co-dependency issue with his brother. He has moved on.

________________________________________________

The idea of Sam letting go of his co-dependency with Dean is great and it’s something I’m going to use in my own ending that I’ll detail later in this video. However, this issue is that the decision to let go is forced upon him through Dean’s death. It’s not a choice Sam makes to move away from Dean and let each other live separate lives, therefore bringing forth their individuality which is something Dean desperately needed this whole time. By omitting Sam’s choice to let Dean go and live a separate life, he is robbed of his agency and therefore makes his ending feel unearned and forced upon him. You may say that this would be out of character and strange for the brothers to do. They love each other so therefore they have no reason to not be in each other’s lives. That is correct, but I didn’t mean that they aren’t in each other’s lives in some form, just that they are separated and living different lives than each other. I’ll go more into detail when I give my pitch for an ending.

_______________________________________________________

The next point I want to make about Sam’s ending is that he also regresses to what he previously wanted back in the early days of the show. Yes, I remember that he already lived a normal life back in Season 8 which could be evidence to support the idea that he still wanted that in Season 15. But no, that was almost half the entire length of the show ago. Sam has moved on from the idea of an apple pie life; living with a wife and kid, owning a home, having backyard barbecues, you get the picture.

_______________________________________________________

How interesting would it have been if he actually decided to stay in the life in some way. Maybe not actually hunting, but working from the bunker and helping other hunters with lore or other aspects like that. Maybe Eileen is there too? Maybe they're working together as a couple, not hunting, but being a safe haven for hunters where they can access all the lore they could dream of and find safety there. Almost like an upgraded version of Harvelle’s Roadhouse. Just an idea, but that would’ve been much better than what we actually got.

________________________________________________________

Title card: Stray thoughts

When you look at Season 15 alone, there's quite a lot of things the finale failed to conclude, address or clear up.

Cas’ grace was failing

This could’ve been a really great plot point to play throughout the season because it would cause Cas to contemplate his uses and worth whilst stressing about the whole situation with Chuck as well as the Empty deal looming over him. But they didn’t address it at all. It just kinda...faded away and wasn’t brought up again. It wasn’t a massive thing but it would’ve been cool to see how that could’ve played out.

Ruby asked Castiel to save her from the Empty (15x13)

The demons rising up against Rowena (15x13)

Dean doesn’t ask Jack to bring back Cas from the Empty (15x19)

Sam forgets about Eileen in 15x20

No closure for Dean and Castiel

We never see any of the side characters again who got Thanos snapped in 15x18

Jack’s explosion in the Empty made the Empty loud

______________________________________________________

Those are the main points that the final season and the finale failed to address and even though they are minor points in the grand pantheon of issues with the finale, they still add up for me and are quite frustrating to think about.

______________________________________________________

Title card: My Ideal Finale

So, after all that I think I’ve made it pretty clear how I feel about the finale. There’s a few other points I wanted to make about the narrative of the final season as a whole in conjunction with the finale but I feel as if I’ve already said what I need to say.

I’ve seen so many other people give their take on how the finale should’ve played out so now I want to give my version of events that would’ve given the show the proper send off it deserved, and the send off it was seemingly setting up.

_________________________________________________________

My finale would start with the same hunt that happened in the real finale. However, the opening scene is them fighting the vampires. As they’re fighting, Sam is wounded and needs to be taken to hospital. After he’s treated there, they return to the bunker. Sam wakes up from a nap and talks with Dean. They talk about how that was a pretty close call. Dean mentions that it should probably be their last case. Sam looks confused, and doesn’t say anything. Dean seems hesitant to discuss the prospect of that being their last case but he begins anyway. He mentions that he feels as if he’s been given a chance at a new life now that they’ve defeated Chuck. He states that if he keeps doing the same old, same old, then he’s afraid that he’ll waste his chance at freedom. Sam understands but points out that if they don’t do this, then who does. Dean ponders this for a second, as he’s done so many times over his life. Should he continue to sacrifice his chance at happiness and freedom so other people can live safely?

___________________________________________________________

Obviously this question has popped up a lot throughout the show, and they’ve always chosen to stay with the life. Maybe hunting was a part of who they were, but they now had a chance to try something new. With Chuck not writing their story anymore, they get to write their own. Going wherever the story takes them. Finally free.

___________________________________________________

After this scene, the pie scene from the actual finale happens pretty much exactly how it originally happened, except for a few changes of dialogue and the scene would be extended to incorporate a visit from Bobby and Eileen. When Sam brings up Cas, instead of Dean saying what he said in the actual finale, he would say something along the lines of this:

“Yeah, I miss him too.”

Sam notices Dean is looking quite sad and asks him what’s wrong.

“He sacrificed himself for me.”

“It came out of nowhere. We were trapped and Billy was banging on the door trynna get in when he…he said that he made a deal.”

A tear rolls down Dean’s face. Sam notices, and moves closer to Dean and looks at him with a classic empathetic look from Sam.

Dean blinks a few times and wipes the tear away.

“Ah, I’ll tell you later” said Dean, as he began to tuck into a pie from the box on his lap.

____________________________________________________

Bobby then pulls up with Eileen. Sam and Dean go and greet them. They talk about Sam’s wound, Jack defeating Chuck and how he’s the new god, Sam and Eileen, who steps out of the car and Sam and her kiss. Bobby also asks what they’re going to do now that they’re free from Chuck. This leads into the question of whether or not they’re still going to continue hunting. Eileen looks inquisitive at the brothers too as she also wants to know what Sam wants now that Chuck has been defeated and he’s free. Sam says he wants to stay in the life and that he’s open to see what happens. Dean says that he’s not sure. Sam glances over at Dean, who notices but doesn’t look back. It’s clear to both Bobby and Eileen that this is a conversation that both brothers need to have in private before they could properly reveal anything to them.

_______________________________________________________

Bobby tells them that everyone is going to have a big get together in the town of Kansas at a pub the following afternoon. Sam and Dean agree that they’ll be there. While Bobby waves to them goodbye and gets in the car, Eileen gives Dean a look, indicating that she wants to talk to Sam alone. Dean obliges with a little smile. Eileen asks Sam if he’s feeling okay after the wound from the previous hunt (they would’ve already texted about it.) During this conversation, Eileen asks if he and Dean are okay but Sam says he’s not sure. She questions him a bit more and Sam reveals to her that Dean wants to quit the hunting life for good. She can tell by the look on Sam’s face that he’s bothered by this, but she can also see a slight hint of understanding too. She smiles at him warmly and places a hand on his cheek. They lock eyes. Sam begins to smile.

_____________________________________________________

Dean is back in the driver’s seat of the Impala and is watching Sam and Eileen with a sad smile. He looks down at the drivers wheel and the smile fades. He closes his eyes and after a few seconds, he whispers “Jack? Hey man, hope the new job is treating you well” Dean smirks, but it fades quickly and his face resorts back to the grim look of...despair. “I know you said you wouldn’t be hands on, I get that, and I thank you. Another Chuck isn’t what we need right now. But...Cas, he didn’t deserve what he got. I didn’t ask you this before you left because everything was so crazy and we had just defeated Chuck you know, and I know it's only been a few weeks but, please, please can you bring him back. He didn’t deserve to die for…

___________________________________________________________

Dean stops praying. He looks back to Sam and Eileen, who are still talking. Suddenly Jack appears next to Dean, just as a tear rolls down his face.

Jack greets Dean in usual fashion. Dean looks surprised and shocked, but glad to see him. Jack tries to explain to Dean that he can’t meddle in the Empty’s affairs as they’ve already poked and prodded it enough. Dean refutes this point by reminding Jack of what Cas would do, what any of them would do if one of them was in the same position. They continue to discuss Cas and the Empty and how it could work, but by the end Jack doesn’t speak. Both of them sit in silence.

_____________________________________________________

After a while Jack turns to Dean and says “I’ll do what I can, but if it’s not possible then I’m sorry.” Dean nods his head but before Jack disappears, Jack says “Dean, I know it might be hard to understand right now but there is so much to be done in the universe. Things that have to be put right, Chuck messed up and now me and Amara have to balance things out. I know that sounds like I’m interfering but we aren’t. We are ensuring that things are allowed to be as they are, instead of them becoming something else. That’s why I have to leave this world very soon, I only have till tomorrow afternoon for me to try and get Cas back. After that, it will be a while before I can return, and even then I don’t know when exactly I’ll be back. I also can’t stay too long in the Empty either after what happened before. I still have to respect it’s power and the fact that I don’t have any real control over it. I’m sorry, Dean.” Jack disappears before Dean can say anything else. Just then, Dean notices Sam walking towards the Impala and wipes away the tears. As Sam sits down, he asks Dean if he’s okay, and Dean responds “Yeah, all good here.” They drive off.

The next scene is Dean sitting in his room on his laptop, a few beers by the side of the bed. He looks toward his table on the other side of the room. A paper lies on top. Dean appears conflicted, but decides to go over and pick up the paper. We see it’s a job form.

______________________________________________________

Sam is sitting down at the table in the library. He’s also on his laptop and seems very focused on something on screen. Suddenly he grabs his laptop and stands up. He walks through the bunker to the door of Dean’s room. He goes to knock but pauses. He looks back to the laptop, where we can see a news posting saying that three people have turned up dead with their throats ripped out. Sam and Dean both sigh at the same time (Sam would be seen sighing and then quickly cut to Dean sighing too.)

Dean grabs a pen and goes to write on the job form, just as Sam knocks on the door. They greet each other, and both are a little startled. Sam asks Dean what he’s doing and Dean briefly looks at the form, but ends up saying it's nothing. Sam tells him about the case he’s found and Dean’s face tenses, which Sam notices.

______________________________________________________

“Or not, if you didn’t feel like it.” said Sam.

“No. No, it's fine” says Dean, who sighs, stands up and then asks where it is again. Once Sam finishes telling him, Dean looks back at the job form.

“Sammy, I don’t think I’ll be going” says Dean

“Oh, okay, no worries, I’ll just call one of the other hunters” says Sam

“I don’t think I’ll be going on any more hunts.” Dean finally says.

Sam doesn’t respond and is taken aback. Neither of them talk for a moment. (There would be a wide shot from inside the room, showing them standing still and silent.)

_____________________________________________________

Dean takes the job form from the table and hands it to Sam, who looks at it. He doesn’t take his eyes off it.

“I applied a few days ago, and I’ve got an interview the day after tomorrow. But, it’s in Denver Colorado. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I didn’t know how you’d react” said Dean.

“Dean, I...I mean, I’m happy for you. I am. It’s just...I don’t know, it’s a big thing you know. But I thought we were done keeping secrets from each other, I thought we were over that crap” said Sam.

_____________________________________________________

“This was different,” said Dean plainly.

“How?” asks Sam.

“Me, the guy who was destined to hunt till the day he dropped. You know this, that was who I was. Going out in a blaze of glory, bloody on a hunt” said Dean, “But now, everythings different. I realize now that...that isn’t who I am, and I can’t be destined for just that. If I was, then Chuck should’ve won. Because I’ll be damned if I let that be my ending. I’ve gotta write my own, and now with Chuck gone I finally have that chance. I can’t waste it Sammy.” As he says those last words, a few tears have fallen down his face.

_______________________________________________________

Sam ponders Dean’s words for a few seconds then asks.

“What about me? What am I supposed to do?”

Dean doesn’t respond.

*a soft rendition of the piano solo in Americana plays, similar to the one played in 15x18, but softer and less solumn*

Dean looks sad, but also confident in his decision. Sam looks uncertain.

Sam says:

“I can’t do this alone”

Dean responds with a sad smile:

“Yes you can”

Sam says:

“Well i don’t want to”

_______________________________________________

Slowly, through facial expressions, Sam recognizes those words, and remembers that fateful night when Dean came to pick him up from college; when Dad was on a hunting trip, and he hadn’t been home in a few days. His face turns into a sad smile. A tear rolls down his face. Dean now has a tear underneath his eye too as he looks at Sam.

Sam slowly hands back the job form to Dean (This would be a close up on the hand over process to emphasize the choice Sam is making through the motion of handing back Dean the job form) He puts his laptop down, and the two brothers hug. The two of them stand there together. The two have tears rolling down their cheeks.

_________________________________________________________

*piano solo ends*

*fade to black*

*fade in on the Impala outside the bunker*

Sam is leaning against it and is texting on his phone.

Text appears at the bottom of the screen saying its the next day

Dean exits the bunker and asks if Sam has got the address of the place where everyone is getting together and Dean confirms he does and that it's on the edge of town. He mentions that Bobby had been working on it for a while before the whole Chuck thing and he said that it was a surprise. Whatever that means.

__________________________________________________________

As the brothers are driving into town, Sam asks what time the interview is and Dean says that it's at 9am the next day so he will have to leave that night if he’s going to get a good sleep and be up early the next day. The time at that point would be around 3pm. Dean then asks how he and Eileen are, and Sam says that they’re going good, but mentions that she was a bit shaken from being Thanos snapped (he wouldn’t actually say Thanos snapped but something like it.)

The two sit in silence for a while, until Dean puts on the radio. ‘Back in Black’ starts playing. The two smile and look at each other, before turning back to the road. They continue driving.

They finally reach the pub and get out of the Impala. As they stare at the exterior, a gentle rendition of the first section of Americana plays (the opening minute) but this time it’s slower and almost sounds distant, and wistful. The two brothers look at each other before approaching the door. Dean checks the time, and looks concerned. Before they can open the bar door themselves, Charlie opens it and looks gleefully at the two before embracing them both in a group hug.

____________________________________________________________

“I’ve been waiting for you guys!” says Charlie.

“Hey Charlie, how’s it hanging?” asks Dean

“Come have a look” she says with a smirk, before leading them inside. The bar is revealed to be one that resembles the old Harvelle’s Roadhouse. There is already a crowd of people, friendly faces and some unknown people. Sam and Dean reunite with a lot of fan favorite characters, however, Dean still looks slightly pensive. Sam takes notice of this and puts a hand on Dean’s shoulder. They look at each other just as the lights in the bar begin to dim and a piano solo starts playing. The song being played is the exact same version of Carry on My Wayward Son that was played in Season 10 Episode 5 titled Fan Fiction. This time, there isn’t any vocals, it’s just the piano solo. It continues until the part in the song where it would say “...don’t you cry no more”, then suddenly the doors open and Jack slowly walks through. The outside light shines through and is almost blinding to Sam and Dean who are covering their eyes with their hands. The music stops, and Jack steps aside to reveal someone. Dean lowers his arm and sees a friend standing before him. Someone who had been there for Dean through thick and thin. Someone who loved him no matter what Dean had though of himself.

__________________________________________________________

“Cas?” he murmurs, before running to him and embracing him with a tight hug. Jack closes the door and the light adjusts. Suddenly a male voice starts singing from the stage. Everyone but Dean and Cas look. The voice is the lead singer of Kansas, who begins singing the classic version of Carry On My Wayward Son.

_________________________________________________________

Dean and Cas lock eyes, and as the words “lay your weary head to rest, don’t you cry no more” are said, Dean and Cas place their foreheads together and smile while holding each other. Sam looks at them with a smile, just as Dean turns to him. The song kicks in at that moment with the instrumentals. Everyone is dancing now just as Sam, Dean, Cas and Jack all reunite together in one shot. They all sing along to the song with everyone else. It then cuts to different shots of them standing and laughing as well as interacting with other characters like Jody and Bobby or Eileen. In one of the shots, Sam and Eileen kiss and Dean looks at them with pride. The next shot is his hand, and someone else’s hand interlocks with his. It cuts back to Dean’s face smiling, as he turns to Cas, who is also smiling.

__________________________________________________________

When the song finally comes to a close, Sam and Dean are both standing out front. They are leaning against the Impala.

“I guess that was one hell of a curtain call” says Dean.

“I wouldn’t call it that” says Sam with a chuckle.

“Even if this is the end for now, at least it’s our ending. Not Chuck’s, not anyone else’s”

“Damn straight”

Dean smiles, and checks his phone. From here, the exact same scene on the bridge at the end of the real finale would play out. But in this version, instead of walking up to the railing and looking out over a valley, Dean would hug Sam, then get in the Impala and begin driving off. The music would also be identical too.

________________________________________________________

As the guitar riff is playing the main theme (like in the original scene, its when it cuts to a wide shot and pans out) It cuts to a close up of Dean and it slowly zooms into his face smiling with a tear in his eye, then it cuts to a medium shot of Sam standing tall and proud. Bobby, Cas, Jack, Eileen, Jody, Charlie, Donna, Garth, walk up next to him as the music rises. Then it cuts to an extremely wide shot from up above, showing the Impala driving away down the long road with the sunset in the distance as well as Sam and the rest of their family standing outside the bar watching Dean drive off. The End.

________________________________________________________

So that was my ideal finale. It’s not perfect by any means and there’s no massive final confrontation, and the emotional arcs could be more fleshed out and explored. Also, the explanation for how Jack convinced the Empty to give back Cas would also need to be explained but I didn’t want to give a massive exposition dump in this already long video.

I hope you liked it and I hope that it was at least a bit more satisfying than the actual finale.

________________________________________________________

To conclude, I genuinely believe that Supernatural had the opportunity to give it’s audience a revolutionary kind of conclusion. It had the chance to be one of the most satisfying endings to any TV show ever made. It had the chance to be something more...and yet, it utterly failed in everything it attempted and sadly destroyed 15 years of build up, progress, and intricate character development for a finale that squandered not only the limitless and amazing potential it had, but it also squandered many fan’s passion for the show itself. At least that’s how I feel. If the show had even ended on Episode 19, then it would’ve been an incredibly rushed and convoluted conclusion but it would’ve been satisfying and I’m sure in time the people who didn’t like the episode much would have eventually come around to it.

But at the end of the day, if you liked or loved this finale then I am happy for you. Regardless of my feelings towards this finale, I know what it feels like to love a piece of media that most people hate.

__________________________________________________________

That’s me with HTTYD 3. But that’s a topic for another day. What I want to say is that if you do love this finale then all the power to you. While I personally hate it, that should not take away from your love towards it.

#spn #supernatural #spnfinale #supernaturalfinale #dean winchester #sam winchester #pie #cw #spnessay #finale #seriesfinale #bidean #cas #thiswasashitending #badfinale

17 notes · View notes

blatterpussbunnyfromhell · 3 years

Note

salut my beloved tu n'as pas besoin de me répondre mais as tu des émissions/des médias français que tu recommanderais ? je veux regarder des choses français mais je sais pas ce qui est bonne (désolé si mon français est de merde, il y a six mois depuis j'ai fini mon cours de français) ok désolé si t'ennuie j'espère que ton jour passe bien <3

Sorry I took so long to answer, I wanted to add other stuff like movies and animated stuff, but the post was already getting so long... Anyways, there you go ! This is totally based on my own (rather obscure) tastes, so there’s a lot of recurring actors and creative teams. Let’s go ! (Also your French is pretty good !!)

Fiction

A) Frenchnerd

One of the creative teams that’s going to come back a lot.

a: Le Visiteur du Futur / The Visitor from the Future

Scifi comedy web show, made by François Descraques

2009. Whenever Raph, a guy in his late teens/early twenties, is about to do some very mundane, “everyday life” thing, another guy appears out of thin air (literally) to tell him to NOT DO THAT, because if he does this normal thing, he’s going to start a very wacky and silly chain reaction which will always lead to the end of the world. Raph just wants to live his life in peace but the Visitor from the future won’t stop going after him for some reason (which gets revealed throughout the first season).

The first episode was made in 2009, and was originally just a 1 minute long skit. Halfway through season 1, the episodes become longer and the real plot starts to appear. This show has time travel, zombies, betrayals, found family trope, love, lots of robots (all played by the same man), and CANON QUEER REPRESENTATION (which made me realise I’m bi, sidenote).

Even though the show’s pilot turns 12 years old this year, the production team and the fandom are still very much active ! Le Visiteur du Futur (VdF for short) is 4 seasons long, has a novel and a manga set after the last season, and there is a movie set after the events of the novel coming out in the next year or so.

It’s available HERE on youtube with english subtitles! Enjoy! :D

b) Le Cycle des Balls /The Balls Trilogy

Another web show, made by Slimane-Baptiste Berhoun

No idea how to categorise this…, so I’m just gonna give you a… an explanation.

First of : “Le Cycle des Balls” is NOT the official title, just a name the fandom came up with because this show doesn’t really have one. It’s got a different name for every season, and I don’t even know how to summarise them in a non-confusing, non-spoiling way. So here’s the summary my friend @a-random-fandom-friend made:

“It's a web-serie in the comdy genre, about an unassuming guy (Tom) that wants to "grow balls" to get back his girlfriend (Emma), so his friend (Mitch) invents for him the Psycho Balls Therapy and shenanigans ensue. It's dumb most of the time but it can be emotional and it's well constructed, and there's 3 seasons ! The last one got ghosts and aliens. Andmaybethingsdontendupheterowhoknowsnotme”

The seasons are available on Frenchnerd’s Youtube channel with english subtitles :

Season 1: J’ai jamais su dire non / I Never No

Season 2: La théorie des Balls / The Balls Theory

Season 3: Le secret des Balls / The Balls’ Secret

It’s really good. Just watch it.

They’ve got other stuff on their YouTube channel (skits and short films), which I encourage you to watch :D !

B) SURICATE

A comedic trio from the early to mid 2010’s, with Raphaël Descraques, Vincent Tirel and Julien Josselin. They’ve made two films :

Les Dissociés / The Nobodies (1h15 long movie)

A couple of partygoers wake up after a night out, only to find out that… Their bodies have been stolen, and they are now in the thieves’ bodies. The “thieves” get in touch with them and tell them that they need the couple’s bodies for a mission, and that they’ll give them back after it. Except they also get stolen. The couple now has to join the “Nobodies”, a group of people who can swap bodies with other people to stop one of them, gone rogue, from taking over the world. Oh and they also have to take care of a 5-year-old girl stuck in the body of a bearded 30-year-old man.

It’s really fun, and queer in the sense that it deviates from the cisgender-heterosexual norm and asks questions about gender and identity in general.

Le Fantôme de Merde / Shitty Ghost (short film, 24 minutes long)

A ghost in a haunted hotel is trying to move up in the ranks of the ghost administration, and for that, he has to scare clients away from the hotel. Except he sucks. Like, really bad. Nobody’s scared of him. Until one day, as tries to scare some guy in his bathroom, his “victim” starts roasting him on his technique. Apparently, the guy can see ghosts.

And thus begins a strange and wacky friendship between the two of them.

I haven’t watched it in a while so I don’t know if it still holds up, but I remember liking it back in the day.

You can find the two movies here here, with some other short video skits that the trio made.

3) Cyprien Iov’s short films

This man started his youtube career by making some short humorous videos about mundane everyday life things, but turned towards making short fiction films around 2014.

He’s made quite a few of them over the years, but I can only recommend the ones I’ve seen, which are :

Technophobe

Lunaire

Le Déménagement

(I don’t really find his other stuff that interesting, but feel free to take a look !)

2) Youtube channels

Nota Bene, by Benjamin Brillaud :

Pretty much anything and everything about history, ranging from Greek, Egyptian and Chinese mythologies to obscure French events like the Vendée war and cathedrals’ architecture. The tone of the channel is pretty light and fun, even when talking about pretty dark stuff, which makes it easier to learn about those kinds of things without feeling too heavy afterwards.

Dirty Biology, by Léo Grasset

About biology, evolution, microscopic organisms’ reproduction, documentaries about asian regions and/or oceanic biodiversity and lots of stuff. The tone is… Erratic, to say the least. The best way to describe it would be : “Very knowledge, much learn wow”.

Le Fossoyeur de Films by François Theurel

Halfway between serious film analyses and silly webseries. This channel is part of what made me interested into filmmaking.

Hparadoxae, by Alistair Houdayer

About disabilities, autism, by a disabled autistic transgender person. Advices on how to handle being all that, and how the French system works (or doesn’t) for disabled people. Educative videos about autism, too. The tone is way more serious than the other channels I’ve recommended, but it’s not depressing either.

Mx. Cordélia

A queer french author recommending books with feminism and lgbt+ representation that go beyond “able-bodied cis white twinks”.

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST : Ronde Queer !

Queer stuff by my friends and I ! Mostly media analysis and recommendations but not limited to it. We’re not very regular schedule-wise though.

As I said before I wanted to suggest some movies but the post would have been waaaay too long, but if you want I can always make another one ^^ !

29 notes · View notes

readytoclimbtothestars · 4 years

Text

Mad Men, or On The Nature of the Deepest Conflict

One of the most revelatory lines on the show is said by a character that was relatively short lived. In the second episode of season 4, Dr Faye Miller tells Don that they both are in the same business, the business of helping people sort out their deepest conflict. When Don asks what that is, she answers “In a nutshell, it all comes down to what I want versus what is expected of me”. As Matthew Weiner, the creator and showrunner, pointed out, advertising does not make you want to do anything, it reminds you to do what you already want to do, that maybe got lost as you did what was expected of you. We see these people, whose job is to remind the public of what they want, as they struggle with the acknowledgment of their own wants and desires, and if and how it is possible to attain them.

In Don’s case, the irony of his tragedy is that the cage of what is expected of him is one that he created for himself: that of being Don Draper. The suave, charming creative genius with the beautiful wife and the adorable children, and all that comes with it, is something that we see him struggle with constantly. He chose to go down that road, to erase Dick Whitman, and yet at the same time we repeatedly see that he didn’t really leave him behind. Time and time again in the later seasons we hear him voice the idea that nobody really knows him, and thus nobody really loves him. One of the deepest connections he has is with Anna Draper; the comfort he can take in her saying that she knows everything about him, and still loves him, is a comfort nobody else can give him, especially not his wife. He saw that, as soon as Betty learned who he really was, she didn’t want to have anything else to do with him, as he says to Anna. She maybe once loved Don, but she would never love Dick. So, when Anna dies, Don tells Peggy that the only one who ever really knew him died. The deep want of being truly known, and thus truly loved is something that he can never really acknowledge, as it would make the paper castle he built crumble to the ground; so he buries it under the desire for women, alcohol, cigarettes, excesses that are obviously never enough. Tormented by this conflict, he continues to self-destruct up until the point when he hears a stranger voice the same preoccupation of being truly invisible. He embraces him, apparently feeling a communion he never knew before. Maybe he finally find the freedom to want what he wants and let go of what is expected of Don Draper, the brilliant creative director.

Pete Campbell, the privileged Wasp, has already defied the expectations of what is expected of him by going into advertising and not into banking. The idea of what is expected of him, or at least what he thinks is expected of him, contribute to his constant unhappiness and impatience, always feeling he’s not being given what he is due. For the first two season, we might say that he feels Trudy is what is expected of him, and Peggy is what he wants. The scene where he describes how he would go hunting, and then let his woman cook what he killed, is the expression of all the desires he feels he is denied, exactly because of what is expected of him. When Beth Dawes asks him what is wrong with him (even though the woman who asks him has just had electro-shock therapy and she thinks he is talking about a friend), he says that after their affair he realized everything he already had was not right. He did what was expected of him and didn’t get anything that he wanted, and now he doesn’t even know what he would want, if he could. His constant struggle with his dissatisfaction can only be resolved when he realizes that there doesn’t have to be a struggle at all. He married Trudy because it was expected of him, but in the end, he realizes that what is expected of him and what he wants don’t necessarily have to be separated. Trudy loved him when he wasn’t all that loveable, and she stood by his side, even when they weren’t married anymore. He always felt that his coworker both wanted and expected him to fail, but in the end he finally gets the recognition he wanted, with the offer of an new job. He stops obsessing over what is expected of him and what is owed to him, and realizes that he can have what he wants, that he is “entitled to more”, as he says to Trudy when he wins her back.

Peggy Olson always went against the idea of what was expected of her. In the first season she is expected to be attractive for the man in the office, and she gets fat (even though there’s also another reason for that). Constantly defying expectations, her journey to establishing herself in the workplace takes her through all the season, and its conclusion with Stan’s declaration and his kiss is not a symbol of returning to what is expected of her, but of getting all that she wanted in the order she wanted it in. Having gone through some pretty traumatic experiences, such as giving away her child, she still is one of the characters with one of the most positive arcs and best endings. She was probably the boldest of them all in declaring what she wanted instead of what was expected of her, and she was rewarded for it in the end. Her relationship with Don was one of the purest things on that show, and it’s not a case that in the end she has a satisfying ending with all of the main characters, be it skating through an empty office as Roger Sterling plays the piano, receiving a cactus and a well-deserved acknowledgment from Pete Campbell, a job proposition from Joan, or one of the three final phone calls from Don. Peggy saw what was expected of her, was not satisfied with it, and went after what she wanted instead.

Roger Sterling, the rich man who never had to work for anything, didn’t have any expectations to live up to. Nobody expected anything of him, and that can be as damaging as too many expectations. Nobody takes him seriously, not his coworkers, not his wives, not even his daughter, constantly disappointed by him. And he doesn’t either, sailing through life feeling that the less is expected of him, the less he has to offer (except for drinks and witty remarks), and the less he knows what he wants. He seemed to be imprisoned by the lack of expectations just as much as other characters are imprisoned by the abundance of them. In the end, it seems that it took more than 60 years, and meeting the age-appropriate Marie Calvet, to find someone that expected something from him that was not his money nor his wit, and to realise that he could, and he did, want to live up to the expectations.

Joan Holloway knows what is expected of her, and she knows how to use it to her advantage. She needs to be attractive for the men in the office, and she needs to find a man, get married and stop working. As the series goes on, she starts to consciously realise that the expectations do not correspond to her wants. The idea of the perfect marriage is shattered by Greg, and she starts to concentrate on the career she might have, probably (even though she wouldn’t say it out loud) inspired by Peggy’s trajectory, and how this secretary from nowhere refused to listen to Joan’s wisdom and made her own way in a men’s world. So she starts to make her own way too, fighting against the obstacles of what is expected of a woman like her. By the end, she is so far from who she was at the beginning, that she doesn’t hesitate long before choosing her new career over Richard, in a final acknowledgment of the distance between the position she is expected to be in and the position she wants, because, as she tells Richard “she can’t just turn off that part of herself” anymore.

Betty Draper is the rarity among these characters; the one who did all that was expected of her, and the one that arguably got the worst ending. Her mother taught her that what was expected of her was being beautiful, and she was. Yet, with all her beauty, her perfect life with the perfect husband and the sweet children, she is profoundly unhappy. In season 5, when she fails to meet the only expectation anybody has ever had of her, she can’t bear to have even her husband look at her. She spends a life trying to be beautiful and proper, and she is still trying at the end, as her letter to her only daughter details the instructions for the perfect funeral, the funeral someone of her standing is supposed to have. She lived with the profound unhappiness of knowing she was never meant to be more than an ornament on a man's arm, but always refused to acknowledge it, because she knew no other way of being than being what other expected.

In one interview, Matthew Weiner describes advertising people as “The mirror makers”, referring to the title of a book on advertising. All of these characters, busy as they were making mirrors for the public, didn’t realise they were building mirrors for themselves, and so many of them that they couldn’t find the one that reflected their real image anymore, and what that real image wanted.

119 notes · View notes

babysizedfics · 4 years

Note

okok so i dont know if virgil would like it (bc of the separation anxiety) but how does he feel abt peek a boo? i imagine his cgs would make it super fun! like have him on his mama’s lap with his papa in front of him and theyre like “wheres the baby??” and pat covers his eyes “there he is!!” and pat gets all happy and excited to see virgil so v gets all excited which makes pat even mOre excited so v gets lil happy kissies!!!! (can u tell ive been wanting to play peek a boo hdhdj)

I HAD TO SCREAM INTO A PILLOW

I hope you don't mind but i made this into a fic it was essential it was unavoidable i was crying as i wrote this

Title: Peekaboo!

Summary: Logan is a shy new caregiver, Patton learns what separation anxiety is, and Virgil disappears then reappears and is a very confused baby.

Word count: 6,600

Note: Set before the events of Little Accidents, Big Developments (AO3 | tumblr)

Also on AO3

oOo

It had been a somewhat slow day. Roman had been holed up in his room for most of it, rehearsing for an audition that Thomas had landed for the following week. He was working rather relentlessly, though Patton had been sure to request that he at least leave his room for mealtimes - and Logan had outright demanded it when Roman stubbornly refused. After a very speedy lunch, Roman was back in his room and the other three were left to their own devices in the living room.

Quite understandably, Patton had noticed Virgil was much antsier that afternoon. Probably because Roman was constantly talking about how absolutely essential it was that Thomas did not mess up a single line in next week’s audition and that he personally would “enter into a state of devastated mourning should this chance at stardom be killed and dashed across the stage floor”.

That had evidently sent Virgil’s anxiety into a downward spiral. After the fourth shaky sigh in as many minutes from the younger side’s lips, Patton shook his head and twisted on the couch to look at him.

‘Okay, that’s enough,’ Patton said, giving a rare stern look to the boy who was currently pacing the living room floor and looking just about ready to tear his hair out. ‘No more worrying, Stormcloud.’

‘I can’t help it!’ Virgil whispered quite fiercely. His eyes were wide and though they looked in Patton’s direction, it was as if his gaze was fixed a mile in the distance, likely imagining a variation of disastrous scenarios. ‘We could choke or trip or literally do the worst performance ever and Roman would be depressed and then we might not be able to make videos for months because he’s so distraught and what if it was all my fault? What if I was the one to make Thomas mess up and then Roman would hate me and -’

‘Breathe,’ Logan commanded from where he sat in the armchair reading a book.

As if being shaken from a spell, Virgil’s frantic pacing halted and he gasped in a breath.

‘It was not your fault because it has not happened. Roman won’t hate you because even if it did happen, the blame could not fall solely on your shoulders. Everything is going to be all right, Virgil.’

At Logan’s reassuring words, Virgil nodded slightly to himself, his eyes fixed on his feet as he took in steady, though shallow breaths.

Patton bit his lip for a moment in thought. It was obvious that Virgil would not be able to get past this anxiety without a distraction… and what better distraction than being a baby?

With a firm nod to himself that meant Yes, this is definitely the only solution. Not just because I love looking after my baby, of course, Patton switched the TV over from the show he had been watching to Guess How Much I Love You, one of Virgil’s favourite cartoons in littlespace.

As soon as the bright musical score started playing, Virgil and Logan’s gazes both snapped up to the screen. The older one smiled slightly while the younger side’s thumb flew to his mouth in an instant. He began nibbling on his nail as a young child’s voice sang the opening song:

“Dancing through springtime,

Flowers are raised in summer sun,

Catching white snowflakes on your nose,

Running through autumn leaves that float from trees from high,

With a love that is bigger than the sky”

Patton beamed at how Virgil seemed fully enraptured by the animated rabbit and bright flowers on the screen. The moral side happily joined in singing his favourite part of the song, all while gazing at Virgil.

‘Guess how much I love you, guess how much I love you -’ he held his arms out to Virgil in an invitation for a hug ‘- Guess how much I love you!’

‘’M not little,’ Virgil mumbled with a strong blush gracing his cheeks. It was so quiet that Patton wouldn’t be surprised if Logan had not been able to hear it, being slightly further away from them.

‘I know, sweetheart,’ Patton said gently through a smile, knowing that Virgil’s statement wouldn’t be true for very long. His arms remained open. ‘But maybe we can just watch a bit and see if it helps you calm down.’

There was a stiff nod and within a few seconds Virgil had plopped down onto the couch beside Patton, instantly snuggling up to him.

Patton allowed himself a small chuckle as he wrapped his arms around Virgil and pulled him into his lap. Seeing Logan’s proud smile filled him with far more joy than he was currently able to express if he didn’t want to accidentally fling Virgil off of his lap, so he let it fizzle away in his chest with a bright grin. As he settled back to watch the show, he pretended not to notice his baby’s thumb slipping into his mouth.

Needless to say, by the end of the ten-minute episode, Virgil was entirely gone.

‘Papa?’

Patton nearly squealed. He wasn’t quite over his excitement for Virgil’s new nickname for him. ‘Yes, my sweet little fieldmouse?’

‘Peas Minpy?’ Virgil garbled around his thumb, twisting his head to look pleadingly at Patton.

That look… Virgil had no idea what that look did to Patton’s heart. With a firm hand on his chest, Patton said, ‘Okay, baby. Let’s go upstairs and get Minty.’

‘I can fetch them,’ Logan quickly announced from the armchair. Patton watched as he snapped his book shut quite hurriedly, stood, paused for a second as he clearly got a head-rush from standing so fast, then made his way over to them. ‘I’m going to go and get Minty for you, Virgil,’ he explained, leaning down to be eye level with them.

His hand reached forward hesitantly and patted Virgil’s head twice, to which the regressor replied with a giggle and a poke to Logan’s wrist.

Patton fought very hard to contain an adoring smile as Logan’s cheeks flushed before he bustled out of the living room. The logical side was a little awkward in his attempts at physical affection, but they never failed to put a smile on Virgil’s face so Patton could hardly tease him about it. And it wasn’t Logan’s fault that cuddles and kisses didn’t come as naturally to him as they did to Patton. He was trying, and it only made Patton all the more smitten with him.

Feeling his cheeks warm at that thought, Patton quickly busied himself with holding Virgil’s hand (the one that was not currently glued to his chin while he sucked his thumb) and started circling his finger on the little one’s palm. ‘Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear…’

After a short while of singing and tickling and giggling, Logan returned with Minty in tow. One of Virgil’s little baby blankets was slung over his shoulder. At Patton’s raised eyebrow he shrugged it with a short explanation of: ‘Just in case he needs it.’

Virgil snatched his thumb out of his mouth with a muted pop and held his hands out to the soft toy with a whine.

‘Can you remember what word we say when we want something?’ Patton nudged Virgil slightly, though kept him in a firm embrace to make sure the boy didn’t topple off of his lap with his lack of balance.

Virgil’s face turned back to him. He opened his mouth as if ready to say something then frowned and snapped his jaw shut with a pout. Another whine came forth, this time sounding a bit upset.

‘Aww, are you too little, sweetie?’ Patton cooed. Virgil’s head suddenly collapsed onto his shoulder and he heard a sniffle. ‘No, no, it’s okay. It’s all right, baby,’ he hastened to reassure, bringing his hand up to stroke Virgil’s hair soothingly. He really was so sensitive when he was this small, it was difficult to avoid upsetting him. That was one thing that had been difficult to come to terms with when Patton first became Virgil’s caregiver. ‘You’re allowed to be as little as you want.’

The cushion beneath him dipped and he realised the sudden firm warmth pressing against his arm was Logan, who was sitting incredibly close to him. It was difficult not to blush. And so Patton did blush.

‘Virgil, look who has come to see you,’ Logan said so warmly that it melted Patton’s heart.

A curious baby pulled his face off of Patton’s shoulder and all remnants of upset on his features were quickly replaced by sheer happiness. Patton thought it would never get old, seeing Virgil’s eyes sparkle with such rare joy.

A lopsided grin stretched Logan’s lips as he pressed the stuffed dinosaur into the crook of Virgil’s arm. ‘There we are.’

The sweetest little squeak sounded as Virgil sat more upright on Patton’s lap and hugged the toy tightly, burying his face in its fur.

‘So much for not being little,’ Logan murmured lowly by Patton’s ear in an amused tone. The rumble of it resonated right through the moral side’s chest and left him dumbstruck.

‘Yeah,’ Patton breathed, not being able to think of anything much smarter to add.

oOo

Twenty minutes and a couple more episodes of Guess How Much I Love You later, Patton and Virgil (now with a pacifier) were being silly on the carpet. By being silly, they were quite literally just making funny faces at each other and then taking a minute’s break while they calmed down from all of the giggles and aching smiles than ensued.

Logan, being “not one for such tomfoolery”, was back to reading in the armchair. Though Patton had noticed that he was tending to spend more and more time on each page as he cast more and more glances over to the two on the carpet.

It was quite evident that Logan was eager to take care of Virgil, and it was becoming more prominent every day. He was incredibly passionate about the idea when he had first discussed it with Patton nearly a month previously and had been damn near ecstatic when Virgil had agreed to the suggestion. Though, going by his timidity and shy glances when Patton was caring for Virgil around him, it seemed his nerves were getting the better of him. Well, Patton couldn’t have that at all.

‘Oh, you’re such a silly baby!’ Patton chuckled when Virgil scrunched up his face as if he had eaten a lemon slice. ‘Papa’s gonna be right back, sweetheart.’

Without much delay, Patton jumped up with a big smile and ruffled Virgil’s hair, only just noticing that his face had fallen as he walked away. He would be fine, especially with Logan looking after him.

‘Where are you going?!’ Logan practically shrieked, his eyes wide and staring at Patton in disbelief.

Patton couldn’t help but giggle. ‘I’m just going to pee. You can watch Virgil while I’m gone!’ he cried a bit too excitedly if the look of suspicion on Logan’s face was anything to go by. ‘Come on, Lo. You are his other caregiver, aren’t you?’

That seemed to humble Logan as he looked to his lap and fidgeted with his tie. ‘Yes, I - of course.’

As Patton moved out into the hallway he heard Logan sliding off of his chair and talking to Virgil in quiet, gentle tones. He smiled, knowing that Logan truly did have it in him to be a carer, he just needed some encouragement.

Within mere minutes Patton was on his way back to the living room. If he took his bathroom trip quite languidly and chose to use the upstairs bathroom just to have a longer journey, he was sure no-one would have noticed. It was all for a good cause, after all. Though, he began to doubt this reasoning when he became aware of wet sniffles and whimpers and frantic hushes coming from the living room.

‘Logan, is everything okay?’ Patton asked as he pushed the door open.

He was met with the sight of a red-faced, tear-stained Virgil pulling very harshly on his pacifier handle. Logan was knelt beside him, holding his hands out in a placating gesture and looking quite concerned.

It only took a second or so for Patton to drop by Virgil’s side and immediately wrap him in a warm hug. The younger’s crying slowed as he buried his face in Patton’s chest.

‘What happened?’ Patton whispered, looking up at Logan’s bewildered stare.

‘He started crying the minute you left,’ Logan said, his brow furrowed (beautifully), ‘but I could not find any indication of injury or anything in the vicinity that might have caused such a sudden drop in mood.’

‘Oh, sweetheart,’ Patton murmured sadly as he gazed upon his curled up baby, suddenly understanding. He lifted Virgil slightly to bring him into his lap. ‘It’s okay, Lo. Sometimes he does that when I leave him for a bit.’

Just as with every time previously, Virgil’s tears had completely subsided now that he was in Patton’s embrace. Rather than whimpers and sniffles, the only sounds coming from him were the suckling of his pacifier and a small sigh of content.

Logan seemed thrown off by the sudden change. ‘He cries when you leave the room? Is there no suggestion that he could be upset by extraneous variables in these situations?’

‘I don’t know much about “ex-trainer vary balls” but nothing else happens to make him cry.’ Patton tightened his hold around Virgil protectively. ‘He just misses his papa.’

The way Logan’s frown pulled down even more was slightly less cute this time, only because it made Patton worry.

‘Patton, I don’t believe this qualifies as “just missing his papa”. This may be a case of separation anxiety.’

Even as his baby snuggled into him further, Patton felt his heart sink. ‘That doesn’t sound very nice. What is it?’

‘In short, it means that he is aware enough to realise just how dependent he is on you, but not in an old enough headspace to have a solid understanding of object permanence.’ Patton’s confusion must have shown on his face because Logan immediately elaborated, ‘When something leaves his line of sight, he believes it has ceased to exist.’

‘Oh, that can’t be right.’ Patton looked down at the sleepy boy in his lap. ‘No, he must know I’m still gonna come back to him. I always come back to him.’ Purple tendrils of hair parted around his fingertips as he stroked his little one’s head.

‘Allow me to demonstrate,’ Logan said, then picked Minty up from where they had apparently been abandoned on the carpet. ‘Virgil,’ he called, ‘Vee, look over here. Look at Minty.’

With a little snuffle, Virgil lifted his head from Patton’s shoulder. It was noticeable how his eyes sparkled upon seeing his favourite toy. ‘Minpy!’ he squealed in excitement.

‘Aww,’ Patton cooed, unable to hide his adoration for just how sweet his little boy was.

‘Don’t you think he was surprised to see Minty?’ Logan questioned, holding Minty just out of reach from Virgil who was starting to whine as he held his arm out to the toy.

‘Well… I guess so, but that doesn’t mean -’

Minty was suddenly pulled away and hidden behind Logan’s back, completely out of sight. An expression of fake-surprise crossed Logan’s features as he looked at Virgil. ‘Where did Minty go, Vee?’

Watching Virgil’s reaction, Patton was beginning to understand what Logan meant. A mild panic had clouded over Virgil’s eyes and he looked frantically between Patton’s face and Logan’s now empty hand. It wasn’t long before the whimpering started anew.

‘Sweetie, it’s okay,’ Patton murmured, rocking him slightly on his lap. ‘You remember where Minty went, don’t you?’

Wet eyes locked onto his. ‘Gom,’ Virgil whispered forlornly.

‘He’s not gone, baby. See.’ Patton sent a pointed look to Logan, to which the logical side at least had the decency to appear embarrassed by his experiment and pulled Minty back out from behind him.

Virgil gasped through his pacifier, apparently shocked by the toy’s sudden reappearance. He whined and made desperate grabby hands at the toy.

‘There you go, Virgil.’ The toy was pushed into Virgil’s hands and instantly squeezed against his chest in a tight hug. Logan looked back up to Patton a little shyly. ‘I apologise for upsetting him. I had to prove my hypothesis.’

A sigh escaped Patton as he swayed his baby gently. Logan did honestly look remorseful, and he had shown Patton what object permanence was (or more what it wasn’t) so perhaps it was all right. Even if it hadn’t been in a very fun way. ‘So, does he think I… I die when I leave the room?’ he whispered shakily.

‘Not nearly so morbid,’ Logan reassured, actually reaching out to stroke his finger across Virgil’s knuckle. It was a very small act of affection, but Patton appreciated it nonetheless. ‘He does not have the mental capacity to think about anything that he cannot see. When you leave him, he cannot see you and so all he can think about at that moment is your absence, rather than believe you could exist somewhere that is not with him.’

The strangest bittersweet feeling swirled in Patton’s chest. Sure, it was kind of cute that Virgil loved and needed his papa so much that he always wanted to be with him. But Patton couldn’t be with him all the time. He did his best, of course, but he couldn’t exactly go hours without needing to go to the bathroom or fetching something from the cupboard.

‘Can we maybe fix it?’ Patton asked.

That crinkle in between Logan’s eyebrows came forth again and Patton longed to press his lips against it and smooth it out with a kiss. ‘There are simple activities we can do to try to reinforce object permanence. Though given the fact that he is not truly a developing child, I am unsure if they will have any effect on him.’

‘It’s worth a try though, right?’ Patton didn’t want his baby to be needlessly upset if they could help it.

A soft smile stretched Logan’s lips, and it made it quite tricky to remain worried. ‘It’s worth a try.’

And try they did. They really did.

As per Logan’s suggestion, they started with Patton leaving the room for progressively longer bouts of time. Thirty seconds, then one minute, then two minutes, and et cetera. At least, that had been the plan. In practice, it was much more resemblant of ten seconds, Virgil’s distressed whimpering, and Patton dashing back to comfort his baby. Then ten seconds, then Virgil whimpering, then Patton dashing. Ten seconds, whimpering, dashing. All in all, they considered it a failed attempt. (Patton was very glad that Logan didn’t reprimand him for ruining the experiment.) (‘You didn’t ruin anything, Patton.’)

The next activity was hiding objects and showing Virgil that they would always be revealed again. Minty had been the first choice, though Virgil was still rather distressed from their first activity and was clinging onto the toy tightly. The caregivers came to a silent agreement that it would not be fair to take away his comfort item. They instead attempted to hide things from around the room; little trinkets such as a photo frame or one of Roman’s sketchpads he had left lying around.

Virgil at least did not start crying whenever they were hidden behind Logan’s back or under his baby blanket. In fact, he hardly seemed to notice them disappear at all. No matter how much baby-talk and coaxing from Patton and Logan, the regressor did not react to them and only frowned and buried his head against Patton’s chest with a whine that almost resembled a groan of annoyance. Apparently he was entirely uninterested in the activity when it concerned such boring objects.

‘Virgil, look. Roman’s drawings are all gone,’ Logan announced, pulling the blankie over the sketchpad for the fourth time. Patton felt Virgil’s head roll on his chest lazily to look. ‘And now -’ Logan pulled the blanket back with a little gasp, revealing the book, ‘- there they are, they came back!’

‘Wow, would you look at that!’ Patton gasped, shaking Virgil very gently to try to excite him.

A soft grunt sounded before Virgil buried his pouting face in Minty’s tummy.

Both caregivers sighed.

‘Perhaps this activity is too impersonal to interest him,’ Logan mumbled, looking more than a little disheartened.

It wasn’t a surprise, given how passionate Logan was about educational activities. Despite the logical side’s hesitance with being solely responsible for a regressed Virgil, he had displayed plenty of interest in the boy’s wellbeing. Over the past few weeks wherein he had been subject to Virgil’s regression, Logan had had plenty of input in ways Patton could play with him and similarly teach him things that his regressed self had not known before. Patton, in turn, had convinced Logan that he himself partake in the activities too, and hence Virgil’s comfort around him had been gradually growing.

So seeing how disappointed Logan was by Virgil despondence for this activity, Patton absolutely had to do something to remedy it. He just had a fussy baby to get through first.

‘Oh no!’ Patton cried, knowing that it would be enough to get Virgil’s attention. As expected, the baby looked up from his toy still adorning a frown as he suckled his pacifier. ‘Vee, I’ve lost something very important and I can’t find it!’

Virgil’s grumpy expression melted into a worried one and he looked over to Logan. Then he pointed at the other side and whined at Patton.

A giggle worked its way through Patton’s words as he explained, ‘No, I didn’t lose Logan. I can’t find my happy little baby anywhere!’

Shyness replaced Virgil’s confusion as Minty was pulled up to cover most of his face.

‘Is he…’ Patton hummed in thought for a moment, then fluttered his finger under Virgil’s ear, ‘over here?’

A little squeak was muffled behind Minty as Virgil’s eyes crinkled. But, Patton thought in amusement, he still couldn’t see Virgil’s smile, so technically it didn’t count.

‘No?’ Patton gasped, then moved his finger down to wiggle over the sole of Virgil’s socked foot. ‘Is he under there?’

With a strained giggle, Virgil dropped Minty to push at Patton’s hand quite weakly. His dimples were starting to show.

Biting his lip around a grin, Patton released Virgil’s foot but then started circling his finger around in midair teasingly. ‘Oh, I wonder where my happy little one could be.’

‘Papa!’ Virgil called, giggling around his pacifier.

‘Oh my, I think I heard him!’ Patton’s finger started wriggling and moving towards Virgil’s tummy. ‘Could he be in here?’

He slid his finger under Virgil’s shirt and started squiggling over his tummy. Virgil was immediately squirming in his lap, giggling uncontrollably.

‘There’s my happy baby!’ Patton laughed.

For another couple of moments, the room was filled with the sounds of Virgil’s bright laughter and the soft kicks of his feet against the carpet. Then Logan spoke up:

‘Actually, this poses another suggestion.’

Patton twisted in his place, keeping a firm hold on Virgil who was still calming from his giggles. At some point during the tickle attack, Logan had apparently moved back to the armchair. While he was sitting quite stiffly and avoiding Patton’s eyes, there was a slight twist in his lips that suggested he was holding back a smile.

‘What’s that, Loganberry?’

A half-hearted scoff greeted that nickname, though Logan continued regardless. ‘Playing Where’s the baby? - otherwise referred to as Peekaboo - is a commonly used tactic in teaching object permanence in infants.’

‘Oh, how adorable!’ At once, Patton shuffled both him and Virgil to face Logan on the carpet, supporting Virgil in sitting upright. He was eagerly peering over Virgil’s head at Logan. Patton wouldn’t miss this for the world! ‘Whenever you’re ready.’

Logan bridled in his seat a little. ‘I, um… Well, I anticipated that you would want to do it, Patton.’

‘Oh.’ The slump of Patton’s shoulders was probably more noticeable than he would have liked. Was he asking too much of Logan to play a game like that with their baby? The logical side has always been sensitive to looking less than serious. ‘Of course,’ Patton nodded, regretting that his voice sounded strained.

‘Wait, no. I -’ The words stuttered to a halt as Logan closed his eyes and took a deep, likely steadying breath. When his eyes opened again, he looked down at Virgil with a soft, open expression. ‘Shall we play a game, Vee?’

Pride swelled in Patton’s chest.

The weight on his lap shifted as Virgil turned around to look at him. His expression wasn’t too easily read, but Patton knew he was simply seeking affirmation and so he encouraged him. ‘That’ll be fun, won’t it, baby?’

Seemingly satisfied, Virgil turned back to Logan and made a hum of assent.

It would never be spoken aloud, but Patton was quite sure that both he and Logan acknowledged just how awkward the logical side felt in that moment.

With a quiet clearing of his throat, Logan lifted the baby blanket from the floor and held it up in the air in front of him, concealing his face. After a moment, the fabric dropped to his feet to reveal Logan’s face - adorned with a faint blush.

‘Peekaboo,’ he said in an incredibly unfitting monotone.

A wince fought to crumple Patton’s face, but he battled it fiercely. As was to be expected, Virgil did not react much to Logan’s weak exclamation.

‘That did not have the desired effect,’ Logan grumbled, his cheeks a deep shade of pink now.

‘Aw, come on. Maybe you could try again with a bit more, y’know,’ Patton stalled, shrugging his shoulders with a guilty smile, ‘feeling.’

Logan’s eyes darted between Patton’s face, the blanket on the floor, and Virgil. Then he shook his head rapidly and muttered to his lap, ‘This was a silly suggestion. Forgive me.’

Being overcome by a wave of sympathy, Patton offered, ‘Here, why don’t we switch?’

He gripped Virgil tightly and rose from the floor with his baby in his arms. Virgil only had the chance to whine for half a second (he didn’t respond too well to being picked up a lot of the time) before Patton was easing him into Logan’s lap.

‘Uh, Pat - Patton…’ Logan stuttered, going stiff in his seat.

Ignoring the nervous protest, Patton persisted and situated Virgil further back on Logan’s lap so that the regressor leant against Logan’s chest. ‘There we are, sweetheart.’

It was met with a high-pitched whine and one of Virgil’s hands reaching out to him again as he leant forward to chase his papa.

Logan quickly caught Virgil’s shoulders before the boy swayed too far to one side. ‘Are you certain this is all right?’ he asked quite breathlessly. ‘I haven’t held him before, I don’t -’

‘Logan, don’t worry.’ It was almost amusing how wide Logan’s eyes were. Patton sent both of his boys the most comforting smile he had to offer. ‘I’m sure Mommy Logan is plenty capable of holding a baby in his lap.’

Both sides on the couch spoke simultaneously:

‘“Mommy Logan”?’

‘Mama?’

Virgil’s tiny voice filled Patton with such intense awe, he could hardly breathe past the swell of adoration in his chest.

He just smiled and with each hand offered a supportive touch to the two on the couch - a hair stroke for Virgil and a shoulder squeeze for Logan. He directed his next words at Virgil, knowing Logan wouldn’t be able to argue with his baby-talk. ‘Yes, baby. You’ve got a papa already, haven’t you? So now you’ve got a mama too!’

In a somewhat unexpected change of heart, Virgil’s upset at being away from his papa dissipated and he sank back against Logan’s chest quite happily.

Logan’s arms had fallen forward to secure around Virgil much in the same fashion as a seatbelt.

The decision to be so unapologetic and forward about suggesting “Mommy Logan” had been a risky one on Patton’s behalf, though seeing the gentle smile that softened Logan’s face thwarted any lingering doubts he had harboured about it.

‘I suppose that makes sense,’ Logan murmured, absently stroking his thumb over Virgil's shoulder and gazing down at him as if in a trance. ‘I can be Mama Logan.’

Going by Logan’s expression, Patton was sure he recognised the feeling that lay behind it. Patton knew it well; being entranced by the vulnerability and innocence and sweetness of the person who now relied on you to take care of them. It was the feeling of protectiveness. The paternal instinct. It was love.

He did his best not to tear up at seeing it displayed so openly in Logan’s eyes.

‘Okay, baby, are we ready to play?’ His happy tone was only moderately hindered by his tearfulness.

Virgil bounced a little in Logan’s lap (which earned him a surprised chuckle from the logical side) and nodded, squeezing Minty tighter in his hands.

‘Here we go!’ Patton announced, then leaned forward. He covered Virgil’s eyes with the palms of his hands. The confused squeak from Virgil forced Patton to bite his lip to conceal a giggle. After a couple of seconds, he lowered his hands and with a bright smile. ‘Peekaboo!’

There was certainly more of a reaction in comparison to Logan’s monotonous attempt, though it was not exactly the expected one. Where Patton expected to find an excited glimmer in Virgil’s eyes, he only saw confusion and upset.

Undeterred, Patton simply laughed it off. ‘There you are! And now…’ He covered Virgil’s eyes again, slightly concerned at his small whimper. When he lowered his hands and called, ‘Peekaboo!’ again, Virgil outright pouted at him.

‘What’s the matter, baby?’

‘I think he may have sensory issues with you covering his eyes,’ Logan suggested gently.

Patton observed how Virgil had instantly started rubbing at his eyes once Patton’s hands had pulled away from them. ‘Was it a yucky feeling, Vee?’ he asked.

A little nod and whine from the regressor confirmed the suspicion.

‘Aw, honey, I’m sorry,’ Patton cooed, feeling his heart sink with guilt. He had to remind himself to be careful of Virgil’s sensitivities. It was certainly proving to be a learning curve for the touchy-feely father figure.

Logan seemed to have regained some of his usual confidence and spoke without an ounce of hesitation, ‘I suggest you attempt it with his blanket instead.’

Glad for Logan’s to-the-point problem solving, Patton picked the blankie up. The material was unfathomably soft and always calmed Virgil down after he had been subjected to “yucky” textures, so he was sure it would help with their game.

‘All right, let’s try this again. Ready?’ Patton held the blanket taut and dropped it over Virgil’s head. An even louder whimper this time sounded from underneath it and Patton shared a concerned glance with Logan.

‘Papa!’ Virgil called out in panic. His grip on Minty was tight enough that the soft toy bulged between his fingers.

Patton hurriedly lifted the blanket again, ready to exclaim “peekaboo”, but was heartbroken to see Virgil’s eyes glossed over with tears.

Virgil whined as soon as he seemed to notice Patton. He dropped Minty to Logan’s lap so that he could hold his arms out. ‘Papa,’ he whispered, sounding close to tears.

‘Hey, hey, don’t cry, baby,’ Patton soothed, wrapping Virgil in a quick hug (that just so happened to include Logan, seeing as how he was so close behind Virgil). ‘It’s all right, Papa’s here.’

‘This separation anxiety is far more intense than I initially thought.’ Logan sounded troubled.

It made Patton’s stomach flip. Would Logan want to test it more? Would he say it was bad for Virgil’s mental health? Would he want to separate Patton and Virgil? A sick feeling surged through Patton and he quickly plastered a big grin on his face, pulling back from Virgil despite his baby’s reluctance to let go.

‘No, no, we can do this,’ he assured. ‘Can’t we baby?’

Virgil didn’t seem to know what Patton was asking him, so he only whined and stretched his arms out further towards Patton.

‘It may help if you speak while he is hidden,’ Logan whispered. ‘That way he will still sense your presence.’ He offered a slightly awkward smile. It was beautiful to Patton.

He picked the blanket back up from where he had dropped it to the couch and, as per Logan’s instruction, repeated the game but this time spoke when Virgil was covered by the blanket.

More whines met his ears, though Patton quickly gasped and said, ‘Uh oh, I can’t see little Vee anywhere!’

To his relief (as well as Logan’s, going by the drop of his tense shoulders), Virgil’s whimpering stopped.

‘Papa?’

‘Where’s the baby?’ Patton sang.

A confused coo came from Virgil. It was such an unmistakably babyish sound that the remains of Patton’s concern were overridden by thoughts of My baby is so frickin’ adorable!

Then he snatched the blanket from Virgil’s head with a wide smile. ‘There he is!’

Virgil blinked slowly a couple of times before twisting around to look up at Logan.

The logical side smiled down at him and nodded. ‘You came back,’ he stated simply.

For a moment Patton was unsure of what would happen next. Virgil’s silence could have meant anything from shyness to fear. It could have been followed up by hysterical giggles or heartbreaking sobs.

Instead, Virgil turned back to Patton and mumbled, ‘Bwankie.’

How on Earth Patton had not yet suffered a heart attack from the sheer amount of adorableness coming from his baby, he had no idea.

‘Shall we play with your blankie again?’ Patton asked.

When Virgil nodded, so much pride and happiness filled Patton that it spilt out of him in a joyful giggle.

‘Oh my gosh, okay!’ He bounced on his toes as he lay the blanket over Virgil’s head again. His baby did go slightly rigid upon being left in darkness, but it was quickly remedied: ‘Where’s my little baby?’

Virgil’s body relaxed back into Logan and he shook Mento in his hands with a squeak. With a strong suspicion that his little boy was excited, Patton pulled the blankie away. ‘There he is!’

And it was true! Virgil was smiling behind his paci and flapped Mento in the air in front of him with a giggle. The anxiousness of the previous few minutes had completely disappeared.

‘Logan, he liked it!’ Patton cried, unable to contain how ecstatic he was.

He was a little surprised to catch Logan staring at him with a distant look and a soft smile etched onto his features. With a little start, Logan seemed to catch himself and nodded stiffly.

‘I am glad,’ Logan said and with the hand that wasn’t keeping Virgil secure, he scratched at his cheek. It only drew attention to how rosy it had become. ‘It might be worth keeping it up. Solely for the educational merits, of course,’ he hastened to add.

‘You don’t have to tell me twice,’ Patton laughed and looked back at his baby. ‘Again?’

Virgil bounced a little in Logan’s lap and his dimples sunk in his cheeks. ‘Gen!’

‘Anything for my little stormcloud.’

Virgil was promptly hidden behind the fluffy material.

‘Oh dear, where did Virgil go?’

The blanket giggled.

Logan chuckled quietly as Patton winked at him. ‘Where’s my itty bitty baby?’

‘Papa, Papa!’

Patton gasped with an exaggerated surprise, ‘Oh my goodness…’ He swept the blanket off of Virgil's head to be met with a very happy baby with fluffed up hair. ‘There he is!’

The sound that came from Virgil could only have been described as a squeal of delight. His face was glowing with joy and he squished Minty against his face. He tended to do that when he was either shy (which he certainly wasn’t at that moment) or when he was so overwhelmed by emotion that he had to hide and process it for a moment. The fact that he was hiding from intense joy, rather than intense fear as usual, was nothing short of heartwarming to Patton.

‘I love you, honey,’ he whispered and leaned down to press a firm kiss onto the top of Virgil’s head.

‘Um, Patton?’ Logan asked quietly.

With a growing embarrassment, Patton realised he had his hands on Logan’s thighs to steady himself in leaning forward. He quickly retracted his hands. ‘Sorry.’

‘No, no, that wasn’t - you can -’ Logan cut himself off by clearing his throat. His eyes darted up to Patton quite hesitantly before they settled on Virgil. His hold on the regressor visibly tightened. ‘I wondered if perhaps I could try playing again.’

Patton had not, in fact, known true pride until that very moment.

‘Gosh, yes, please, of course,’ Patton rambled, instantly crouching down to be eye-level with Virgil. He had to seize this window of opportunity lest Logan shy away. ‘Let’s move you around, sweetheart.’

With a little help from Logan (and a little blushing as Patton’s hand brushed his), they were able to get Virgil to face Logan whilst in his lap. There was only a slight protest when Virgil reached out to hug Patton but couldn’t because of his position, but it was soon brushed over when Patton sat beside Logan so that Virgil could clearly see him. Perhaps the separation anxiety had not been helped so much by the game, but it was fun nonetheless.

‘We’re gonna play with Mama now,’ Patton announced and smiled when Virgil looked expectantly at Logan.

The logical side faltered a bit, though as Patton nudged him slightly with his shoulder he seemed to come out of it. ‘Are you ready to play, Vee?’

The baby nodded and hugged Minty tightly to his chest.

Logan did as Patton had - covering Virgil over with the blanket and immediately wondering aloud, ‘I appear to have lost Virgil. Wherever could he be?’

To Logan’s credit, the performance was far more expressive than his first attempt. It wasn’t quite as resemblant of a children’s TV presenter as Patton’s coos and gasps were, but it was certainly enough to get Virgil smiling, as was quickly revealed when Logan pulled the blanket back with a joyful, ‘There he is!’

They kept at the game for several more minutes, none of them getting bored of the repetition.

It was quite difficult to be bored by Virgil’s squeaky giggles, Patton found. Especially when they were supplemented by Logan’s soothing voice and a grin brighter than Patton knew the logical side would have ever dared to display in any other situation.

By the last round, Virgil was getting sleepy; his laughter was interrupted by quiet yawns (which sent Patton’s heart racing as he questioned how a human being could so closely resemble a kitten).

‘Last one, Stormcloud,’ Patton chuckled as Logan covered the boy with the blanket once more. ‘Then it’s naptime.’

‘Where’s Virgil?’ Logan called. ‘Where’s the baby?’

Virgil’s giggles were quiet, and it was noticeable how he was swaying a lot more now, being too tired to support himself. It was a good thing that Logan refused to release him from his careful hold.

Patton had shuffled further toward the other two as the game went on and now he was fully leaning up against Logan’s side. When they both looked at each other with bright smiles, Patton actually dared to wonder whether Logan’s cheeks really were just flushed from all the laughter, or if maybe Patton wasn’t alone in feeling a spark where their arms touched.

‘Together?’ Logan suggested.

Patton was sure his smile was completely goofy by this point, but he hardly cared.

‘Three…’

Logan smiled. ‘Two…’

‘One…’ Patton pulled the blanket from Virgil’s head.

‘Peekaboo!’ the caregivers said in unison, their happy, sing-song tones identical.

oOo

AO3 link

Reblogs, likes, and comments are greatly appreciated! ♡

#thank you so so so much for sending this little headcanon #as you can see i really liked it!!#little/big asides #little/big series fics #little/big series #agere virgil #little virgil #cg logan #cg patton #requests #💚 anon

57 notes · View notes

cheri-translates · 3 years

Text

[CN] 100 Days - Gavin (Day 51 - 100)

🍒 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for e-mails which have not been released in English servers! 🍒

What’s the 100 Days Companionship Event?

Day 1 - 3: here

Day 4 - 30: here

Day 31 - 50: here

Day 51

I watched the video of the “police cat” you sent me. Next time, we can have a cat and a dog. Training them together would be pretty nice.

Day 52

I’ve completed the riddle game you recommended. Those people who left comments saying it was difficult are at a certain level.

Day 53

The rice cooker cake you made is very delicious. I’m filled with veneration for my rice cooker - I’ve watched it since it was small.

Day 54

I happened to meet the little kid we sent home the last time. She asked why the Pretty Sister wasn’t around. So is the Pretty Sister resting well?

Day 55

Tried making curry. I’ve tasted it, and it’s not bad. Next time, teach me something else.

Day 56

I bought you milk tea, and hope your week can be a little sweeter.

Day 57

Eli said that the picture I’m using as my phone wallpaper would have looked even better if the angle was tilted slightly. What does he know? You look pretty no matter what.

Day 58

It does feel different eating ice-cream when the weather is cold. But it isn’t good for your stomach, so I’m confiscating half.

Day 59

If you feel cold, you can put your hand into my pocket anytime.

Day 60

This morning, I realised that the tallest tree in the city had white leaves. When I leaned over to take a look, I saw that they were white frost.

Day 61

The picture you sent me yesterday wasn’t a wolf. It’s a Czechoslovakian Wolfdog - a breed of dog which is very loyal and tame.

Day 62 (Double Ninth)

It’s Yang Festival today, so there may be many people going up the mountain. We can watch the sunset later.

Day 63

When I was tidying the room, I found the champion prize from last year’s STF long-distance race in autumn. It’s a keychain of a running military dog.

Day 64

There’s a shop selling your favourite sugar cakes. I’ll bring it to you after work, and hope it’d still be warm when it reaches your hands.

Day 65

Recently, I changed a new driving playlist. Those songs you recommended - I like them very much.

Day 66

In the movie we watched yesterday, I keep thinking that werewolves are even more dashing and decisive than vampires.

Day 67

My phone is spoilt. It’s a good thing I can memorise your e-mail, and didn’t miss the sign-in.

Day 68 (Halloween)

Title: Selecting a jack-o’lantern

There are many types of jack-o’-lanterns in the shop today, and I don’t know which one you like. If you’re not busy, want to take a look together in the afternoon?

Day 69

You mentioned wanting to go fishing the last time. I’ve bought a full set of fishing gear, and will wait till you have time.

Day 70

It’s too cooling to eat watermelons during this season. I bought a hami melon and have placed it in the fridge. Remember to eat it.

Day 71

After the door locked, I realised that I didn’t bring my keys. I never thought that I’d have my forgetful moments too. It’s a good thing the windows weren’t locked.

Day 72

I’ve familiarised myself with the technique of cutting bunny apple slices. Next time, I’ll show it to you.

Day 73

I left home early today, and the sky wasn’t bright yet. Venus looked as though it was within reach.

Day 74

Found a puppy stuffed toy while tidying up, and thought about how it’s been a very long time since we last went to the claw machine together.

Day 75

I know that you’re afraid of the cold, so I bought a pair of gloves. You can wear them when riding on Sparky. It’s a matching set with mine.

Day 76

While watching the German Shepherd in the team undergoing training, I suddenly felt that its life is very worth respecting. Once it decides on a person, it will give its all.

Day 77

Turns out making sandwiches at home is pretty easy. If you want to eat them next time, there’s no need to buy them from the supermarket anymore.

Day 78

There’s renovation going on upstairs, and it’s really noisy. I thought about how you also mentioned that your neighbour does renovation works whenever you’re about to take a nap.

Day 79 (Single’s Day)

Eli and the guys said they didn’t want to see me hovering around in STF today. How baffling. So, I’m here to see you.

Day 80

The colleague who got married last month returned from his honeymoon with some local specialties. I think they aren’t bad, so I left you a share.

Day 81

At this time every year, you’d usually say that it’s cold. But winter this year seems to have a higher temperature.

Day 82

The weather is really good today, and it’s suitable for airing quilts. You mentioned liking the scent of sunlight on quilts.

Day 83

I saw you mentioning on Moments that it’s the final episode of your favourite television drama. I’ve bought snacks, and will watch it together with you.

Day 84

You cried for a really long time after watching the ending yesterday. Are your eyes still swollen? I asked Minor to put some eye patches on your desk. Remember to use them later.

Day 85

I’ve heard of the trust game you mentioned. I can close my eyes and let you lead me, no matter how far it is.

Day 86

I took Sparky Jr. along with me on duty today. It still can’t fly as high as I can.

[Note] In CN, “Sparky Jr.” is called 小小黑 (“xiao xiao hei”), which translates directly to “Little Little Black”!

Day 87

You mentioned that the cafe you often visited has closed down. I’ll bring you to an even better one. Everything can change, but when it comes to being by your side, that won’t change.

Day 88

Next time, don’t lift heavy parcels at the collection point by yourself. Just call me.

Day 89

I was a little tired yesterday so I fell asleep and didn’t reply to your messages in time. You must have been worried from waiting.

Day 90

It’s Minor Snow today, but it isn’t snowing.

[Trivia] “Minor Snow” (小雪 - “xiao xue”) refers to the 20th solar term spanning from 22nd November to 6th December!

Day 91

The bureau received a silk banner today. Eli and the others insisted that I take a group photo. If they want to show it to you next time, you mustn’t look.

Day 92

I’ve set your picture as the background of my new phone. This way, I’ll be able to see you once I pick my phone up.

Day 93

You mentioned having lower back pains recently. I’ve ordered a massage chair for you.

Day 94

On Thanksgiving Day, the person I wish to thank most is you.

Day 95

If it were possible, I’d wish that signing in would never end.

Day 96

Minor wants to invite us to his cousins’ shop to play a board game. I don’t really know how to play it. There are werewolves, civilians, and a priest. Now, we’re just missing a witch.

Day 97

The tangerines you bought the last time are very sweet. If chilled for a while, they’ll be even more delicious.

Day 98

Actually, there’s no need to ask me. No matter what you want to do or where you want to go, I’ll accompany you.

Day 99

Heard a song we listened to together along the street, and couldn’t help but pause and listen for a while.

Day 100

Without realising it, it’s already the last day. But I’ll continue accompanying you.

Not enough Gavin sweetness? A fan on Weibo created texts and Moments based on some of his e-mails, which I’ve translated: here

20 notes · View notes

orangenfrottee · 3 years

Note

Hey ho there, feel free to ignore this and I hope I'm not bugging you as I awkwardly slide in here, but I must ask: if you had full creative control of the show, how would you run season 5? You can pick and choose whatever leaks you want to include.

Ah!!! Thank you for your ask <3 I might have spent a couple nights typing out my answer, but in short: I'd cherry pick old story arcs, bring back everyone I like and who doesn't run when they hear Riverdale's calling.

I'd definitely get some decent writers (I'm partial to Jane Espenson, but no idea if she'd be a good fit) and definitely some diversity. I might accidentally fire all men and then play up all their shitty recurring themes for fun as a weird inside joke between me and the show.

I think if they ever gave me creative control of the show it would swerf hard to the crazy and not leave that lane because honestly, i think that's what Riverdale does best.

So, where would I start...

Instead of giving season four a decent ending, I would start with an extra long pilot with the title 'previously on' where the best and most important bits of the teens' school lives is shown with a heavy focus on Jason and the Farm. Parallely, we get to see the lovestory of Chic and Charles. The episode ends with a few very short scenes of the prom where everyone's happy and pretty.

Then we'd start on the real season five. It's been seven years and our characters are older and more grown up.

The show would at first only present the present lifesbof our characters and the barest bones structure to keep as much a little mysterious as possible (but here I tell you what happened during timeskip, too).

Archie is often considered the main character, so let's start with him:

Archie went to the Army after school (though he didn't actually pass his exams and thus didn't graduate, Mr Honey was quite amused). On his most recent tour he met someone special: Eric, his new friend.

Archie was wounded in battle with a... giant mutated elephant with sharp teeth and hallucinogenic venom. Or something. He isn't really sure what happened, but he's got a huge new scar all over his torso. The abs stayed in tact, but oh his pride. During recovery he met new wheelchair user (and on occasion crutches) Eric who has trouble walking since his legs are misshapen/he only has one. Archie thinks Eric got maimed by the same elephant he was, but thinks it rude to ask.

For Eric I'm picturing Sabrina's Ambrose.

With his hurt pride, Archie can't stay with the military and decides to go back to Riverdale.

Eric doesn't have a place to go, so Archie invites him along.

They need a job and since Eric has a calendar full of sexy half naked firefighters AND since they both have abs, Archie decides that type of uniform is the perfect fit for them and trades his newly renovated and well running boxing gym against the old fire station Penelope Blossom owns. (Literally, they even meet at Pop's to exchange keys and sign papers Penelope brought that Archie doesn't even skim.)

The fire station is quite out of everything, but it has a huge pool Eric likes to swim in and a fire truck. To make ends meet Archie sells his sperm to the Greendale sperm bank.

Archie is of course in love with Eric but unfamiliar with the concept of bisexuality and struggles to identify his attraction for what it is. Eric is a foreigner to Riverdale (or is he?) and unfamiliar with the town's culture and quirks. Still, something going on in Sweetwater River seems to be related to him.

Archie and Eric share the Andrews' House - and in the house next door... live Gladys Jones and Polly Cooper!

After Jughead and Betty left for College Alice' horrid mom impulses settled on Jellybean who didn't stand back, grind her teeth and took it but instead broke Alice' teeth. Her and FP were not amused (though FP was also angry at Alice for being too strict). Alice moves out but stays as a journalist in town.

FP gets in trouble for being a brutal gang leader without a gang beating up criminals behind the boxing gym on tape. Not wanting to go to an illegal fighting club prison, he hides with Canadian Serpents behind the border. (Joaquin's identical twin brother and Ricky live there, too. They're happy there.)

Maybe he'd call once or twice with misleading wrong snake facts that have nothing to do with the current mystery of the episode but fit into perfectly by chance.

Jellybean was invited along, but she chose to stay because she thinks Riverdale is rad and the old Cooper House is luxurious as hell. Also, her mom came back to become the new Sheriff!

Nearly seven years in, Gladys still holds the position because no one legally qualified wants it and she manages to keep gang violence at an all time low for Riverdale. Plus, she and Mary Andrews are not exactly friends but able to work well together. When there's another serial killer running wild in town she has no problem with having another girlfriend of Mary who happens to be a skilled professional in the most relevant field take over for a bit. If needed, the Riverdale gangs are usually willing to add muscle to good causes, too.

Jellybean has left Riverdale for university and will only be present for holidays and breaks. She'd still be played by Trinity because I love her and honestly, real nineteen year olds look like fourteen year olds everywhere in the world. Also this gives the viewers 'Archie vision': he will always see his best friend's toddling baby sister in the young woman which makes her the only undatable (legal) female on this planet for him.

While attending Riverdale High she lead the Andrews Boxing Gym and made it the most successful gym in the area. It won't be a plot point in the show (apart from her being angry at Archie for just trading it against trash) but there will be framed newspaper articlesband the like in Gladys' house.

Around the time everyone graduated, Polly was released from Shady Grooves and is back to her old smart self - and really missing her babies! As Choni leave for whatever private college Blossom women have always gone to, Polly takes them and goes home - just to learn on the porch that not only did her mother sell her childhood home more than a year ago without anyone ever telling her, the college fund she never had gotten legal access to and planned to use for the twins is gone too and her sister left town without saying goodbye.

Gladys has always taken care of all the stray kids she found no matter how tight the budget was and now there's this young desolate mother with twin toddlers in front of her posh murder house she'd gotten for cheap and she has this new gig as sheriff. Of course, she takes them in.

They stay in Betty's old room at first, but they soon get to remodel the attic to give Polly her own room. At present, Dagwood has Polly/Chic/JB's old room and Juniper the one facing Archie's. (When Archie sees her in the room, he actually has a flashback once to when he and Betty used to be so young, but then Juniper turns her gead, stares at him really creepily and smiles weirdly. Archie will be somewhat scared from then onwards and be reminded of when everyone thought Polly might gave killed Jason. Juniper would murder.)

At first, Polly's a full time, stay at home mom, but once the kids are older, she starts working part-time: for Gladys.

It turns out they work amazing together. Gladys tends to jump to convenient conclusions and threatens violence way to freely. Also, she is intimidating as fuck.

Polly is everything she isn't: level headed (to a point, in comparison at least), brilliant at combining clues and steering people (remember how she infiltrated Thornhill and made Cheryl unknowingly assist in her snooping plans?). On top of that, she has these stepford smiles and all the ways to appear unthreatening drillend into her head. Honestly, she and Betty are quite alike. While Betty has the lockpicking skills and knows her way around cars, Polly used to be really into fashion (or something) and, with all her experiences at the Sisters, the Farm and Shady Groves, Polly knows psychology.

She started solving some of Gladys' cases at the breakfast table, but now she's officially a deputy or an advisor or something. They're essentially like FP and Jughead, just that Polly is an adult (and that she wouldn't be in a gang beating suspects up regularly).

(These characters would all be mostly in the background though.)

Veronica finally gained perspective on her relationship to her father and grew up. Hiram's cut out of her life for good. They won't ever interact. (In fact, Hiram either moved to New York or he had a minor traffic accident where he lost all of his memory for good and now lives as Ram Rod and works as a trainer at Penelope's newly acquired boxing gym. Everyone is confused about it but doesn't care to ask.)

Veronica is successful at whatever she's doing and doesn't plan on ever moving back to Riverdale, but maybe something is up at Pop's that requires her checking up on in person and she just happens to cross paths with Betty who is also just there for the weekend. And they haven't had quality time together for years, because it's so hard to stay in contact sometimes even with people you love so much you'd die to keep them safe.

If I could come up with something meaningful for them to catch up on emotionally, I'd have them sitting together in a booth at Pop's for a whole episode just talking (but I'm not that deep).

Veronica might be engaged, but we see it fall through without really getting to meet the guy. She mostly just talks to Betty about him on occasion but in a somewhat messed up way. Ultimately, she realises how she treats him in some regards like Hiram treated her and her mother. She wants to grow up further and not be like her father anymore. Since the fiance was only a trophy pawn, she breaks it off and concentrates on introspection/ maybe therapy for a bit.

Later that season her sister comes back and surprise: Hermosa embraced becoming Daddy.

(These would have to be restricted to two half episodes only, she definitely deserves story arcs that aren't about her dad.)

Careerwise: she has a couple businesses, maybe a restaurant chain or a franchise and she seems to collect startups. She reinvests a lot and has to travel quite a bit but can work remotely too.

Everyone seems to want FBI agent Betty and if I'd go that route I'd have her demask Charles as the fraude fake FBI who hires guns for hire and fake emergency teams while making up fantasy horror stories about serial killer genes to scare his biological family into killing each other that I wholeheartedly believe he is. But I also like Betty's interest in mechanics and would love for her to have a career in mechanical engineering. Maybe she switched majors at uni and now works for a company developing prosthetics. Maybe she tries to get Eric into joining a study. (I mean, prosthetic legs would help his work as a fire fighter...).

She's in town to visit Polly and the twins but after talking to Veronica she spontaneously stays in town. She can do her work remotely, really. The two of them move into a two bedroom 'shared bnb' (or whatever it was called in season two) and we finally get to see their friendship on screen.

Betty isn't in a relationship at the moment abd she's so into her work, she isn't looking for one either.

Jughead had broken up with Betty seven years ago and never really had a well working relationship after. He's grown obsessed with finding a way to recreate what he had with Betty.

Not in a totally creepy psycho way, he's simply not understanding that he might be sex positive and he had been in love with Betty, but he is ace and quite aro, too. It doesn't help, that he finds people sexually attractive on their online profiles just to be repulsed by the tought of even kissing them goodbye in person.

(I don't think tv is generally a fitting medium for this, but I guess he can narrate for himself and make it work.)

I guess he has to be an author. Obsessed as he is about finding love again (he wouldn't call it like that) he figures it had either been the location or the constant fear for his life. He chooses to return to Riverdale. He probably instantly moves with everything he owns to Riverdale (not that it's much beside a modern laptop, the typewriter and his camera).

Archie gives the great advice how Jughead is obviously still innlove with Betty, duh.

He of course runs into Betty some day, they end up investigating some random murder together and find themselves in familiar positions and kiss - but it just isn't there anymore. Jughead feels nothing and Betty isn't really into it either.

Veronica later points him in the direction of maybe not being allo (because she used to question herself as aro).

Funfact: Jughead would have failed graduation with Archie if Mr Honey didn't forge some records that weren't actually submitted from Stonewall (they claim all records were deleted during a power outage). Jughead knows and is deeply shamed.

Thornhill has been renovated! Toni is pregnant! Choni will be raising their kids (surprise, it's going to be twins!) in Cheryl's ancestral home. Choni are married and happy.

Toni has reopened the White Worm with Fangs somewhere at the Southside and yes, let's make her the official Serpent Queen. Let her work lots of social causes (remember toys for tots?), grey area rule bending for good and of course she works well with Gladys. I've seen talk about her being a social worker floating around and honestly, I think that works amazing. She's working the local cases (and a few unofficial ones) and I think she and Cheryl are registered foster parents. On occasion (like once) they'd be shown taking care of a random kid.

Cheryl used her College time to study two things: business and Riverdale town history. Remember how in season two she took so much pride in her ancestors because she believed them to be good people? She might be disillusioned but she is the Blossom heiress and her and Toni's as well as Jason's kids will one day inherit a better family legacy. She'll invest in Southside rebuilding projects, advocate for new town memorials, maybe rebrand some of the Blossom product lines. Something like that

She won't run for mayor yet, but she's definitely invested in (local) politics.

Of course the pregnancy was with artificial insemination, the donor was either an unsuspecting red head from the Greendale Sperm Bank or they use some of Jason's that has surly been saved to guarantee the Blossom line when everywhere was scary talk about sperm counts going down due to mobile phones.

In addition: the maple factories need worker bees! Cheryl has a few programs with Toni to get Serpents/random Riverdalians newly released from prison or just with bad luck into a steady job and a cushy appartement overlooking the ex prison on the Southside. Pop's is also participating. Ethel works as a landlady for said appartement complex.

Also, why not add a second Blossom-Topaz lovestory to underline this incest-adjacent show and bring back Toni's grandpa and set him up with Nana Blossom. XD

Then during this season's arc, the Blossom uncle's corpse will be found in the river and the mistery is whether the FBI will figure out who the corpse us and what happened or not.

I love Reggie. Since Varchie is unlikely thanks to Eric, him and Veronica rekindling their relationship would definitely be a possibility I'm into, but he also seems to have an interesting connection with Kevin and Fangs that could be built on.

He would definitely have a car he'd love very much and I think it would still be Bella.

I'm not sure about his career, but it wouldn't include his father's car dealership. Maybe he'd be a successful movie star just in town between movie shootings.

Kevin was doing something with musicals on Katy Keene, I think? Writing or directing? He was trying to nake it big, but some plans fell through. Now he's back in Riverdale. Luckily, they are just about to open Riverdale's first theater in the relatively newly built but forever closed prison. Next to the Southside Theater the complex holds a mall and the White Worm.

Fangs works full time as the manager of the WW that he co-owns with Toni. He meets Kevin again once he's back in town.

Sweet-Pea somehow ended up as a junior doctor at the Riverdale hospital. He spends all of his scarce free time at the WW.

Some of the background Pretty Poisons officially work for the police now. Different than Gladys, they are actually ccccc for the positions they hold.

Peaches works as a manager for one of Cheryl's companies. She's happily married and has a kid (or something).

How long in prison do you get in the US for standing in as the head figure of a crazy pen and paper cult that has literal murders committed in his name? As a blond white dude probably just parole? So honestly, once they actually bring his case to court (and they have nothing against him because anyone could have been under the mask at any one time and people know of different gargoyle kings) he's released of all charges. No one in Riverdale actually knows though since his case took forever, Bughead had already left Riverdale and Alice didn't step up to follow the case. No one wrote about it, so no one knows. They just assume that of course the guy will be locked away forever, he's guilty.

In reality, he and Charles have bought a house somewhere in a different street of Riverdale where they aren't quite known and have adopted a couple kids.

Charles meets Alice regularly for lunch and she thinks he's this workaholic FBI agent only living for solving crime. They play a long con game I don't know the goal of.

(They have been behind the tapes even if that storyline gets totally ignored. They pretend FP being in exile is their doing, but the tape responsible was just a random security camera in the area.)

Josie's plans in New York sadly fell through (I haven't seen any Katy Keene but I want her back)

Lot's of bonding scenes with her brother Kevin who's also back in town. The two share a flat and on occasion burst into song together. Since I've already invented the Southside Theater, maybe she'd find a job there, too.

Val and Melody stayed in Riverdale aftee highschool and made careers in town for themselves. Maybe Melody at city hall and Val as a marketing specialist at the farm, Riverdale's most outstanding new grocery mart. Half of all Riverdalians don't get the controversy of the name, the others either think it's brilliant or tasteless. (Kevin for example has repressed the nemories so gard, he doesn't get it. Josie is very protective and angry at Val for working there.) The store belongs to the eccentric redhaired Eva Everafter or whatever pseudonym Evelyn can come up with to thinly hide her identity behind.

Somewhere in it I'd throw in a few lines vaguely referencing older happenings like "I still can't drink tap water" and the very first time Veronica sees Archie again after seven years she identifies him through his ab muscles.

So in short: Archie would be very dumb, everyone else is just there.

Also: Pop's would serve 50% vegan burgers and milkshakes so I could dig in with gusto.

#riverdale speculation #riverdale fanfiction #riverdale #asks #arsenicpanda #fun #my writing #i guess

15 notes · View notes

fiction-in-my-blood · 4 years

Text

Obey Me! Brothers x MC’s Job HC

So this is a headcannon based on each brother’s MC having a job or experience in a field that would be somewhat benefit to them the most in work and play ;). Ya girl just wants to feel useful TT

Warnings: The SLIGHTEST reference of NSFW in some of the HCs

~~~~~~

Lucifer:

Okay, maybe an elementry school teacher wouldn’t directly help Big Brother Lucifer the most, especially when you were just out of supervised training, but you sure as hell can help keep some of his more troublesome problems at bay.

Having to deal with overexcitable, emotionally unstable, and honestly frequently hyped-up-on-sugar children just out of infancy has given you a backbone, not to meant a glare that’s strong enough to stop everyone still, but not scare.

Unless you wanted it to.

Not to mention that voice.

The range of your vocal cords could be heard even by Diavolo in his castle.

You needed it, dealing with crying children and sometimes parents who thought their child couldn’t possibly bully the girl they ‘crushed’ on when you had seen it with your own eyes.

And even after grabbing everyone’s attention in a room full of strong personalities, you’re more than capable of turning it down a bit to explain what the issue is.

“Levi, you can’t chop off Mammon’s hands to stop him from stealing your things.”

“Don’t you laugh, Mammon! You’re not off the hook just yet. Give Levi his figurine back before I put Goldie in the microwave, hm?”

“Asmodeus, you can’t go around stealing my underwear! What would your mother think of this?”

“Beelzebub, you can’t eat other people’s food without asking. How would you feel if I went along and ate all your blackbelly newt legs and your monkey brain pudding?”

“Mammon, this is your last warning. Put the money back where you found it.”

“Belphegor, you need to stop sleeping on the floor. Mamo keeps tripping over you and I don’t think we can afford any more screaming in this house.”

“Mammon! Do I need to send you to the quiet corner again?”

“Satan, clean up your books or they’re going back on the shelf out of order.”

Your use of their full names definitely felt like their were being reprimanded by a teacher.

Even if you sometimes treat the younger brothers like children, which will often cause a few snickers, you can’t really help it when they act the way they do.

Sometimes you get a little too carried away, on instinct threatening to cancel the end of year pizza party unless they start behaving, but Lucifer appreciates your attempts to restrain them all the same while chuckling along with everyone else.

You may act before you think, but you’ve brought his family closer together.

Mamo:

Being a professional pocker player would be just too easy.

That’s why it’s your weekend gig.

Besides from your backers and frequent trips to pocker tournements, you spent your nights, and sometimes at day parties, as a mixologist.

It may not seem like much, but bartending has helped you nuture a skill to read people and help them talk out their problems.

Which is the only reason Mamo hasn’t been thrown into the fiery pits of hell when a revengeful witch comes knocking every now and then.

You hear out his fraud victim’s troubles and show your understanding, wondering in the back of your head why, in Diavolo’s great Devildom, Mammon would agree to give away some of Satan’s incantations for a credit card that looked similar to Goldie?!

You manage to talk her out of taking his liver as payment and agree to help mix some potions you recently learnt at school, being a mixologist has helped in that regard as well.

A few times you’ve had to play some other demons in a game of cards in order to get Mammon back home safely.

It was only when you beat Soloman that Mamo first noticed your professional-grade talent.

You didn’t really want him knowing, you knew he wouldn’t be able to help himself but use you to his advantage, so you first said that it was a natural skill humans had- which no one believed and only made them all curious.

Eventually, you gave in to Mamo’s pestering and it was then you said you weren’t going to give him money.

At first, he was a little offended you’d think he would use you like that, but, for once, he listened to everyone’s harsh words and understood why you had that idea.

He was the Avatar of Greed, after all.

Ever since, he’s been working hard to show you he would never use you again.

Unless it was a life or death scenario with that one witch he conned a dragon’s egg from.

Levi:

It was impressive when you picked up Ancient Languages so quickly, but the otaku didn’t question it, at that time he didn’t have that much interest in you.

Then you were able to annunciate those words better than Satan or Lucifer or Diavolo, but maybe you were a quick learner?

It was only when you nonchalantly offered him the latest, unreleased, series of a longer-than-necessary-anime-title did Levi think to ask.

You were a translator in the human world.

Had more interest in the words than the story, but that was enough for him to start treating you less of a normie and more of a fellow recluse like him.

It didn’t take long after that when he realised you were THE MC.

The MC who had translated most of the anime he watched, even though he didn’t need to read subs, you were stil famous, and not only for translating.

You had dabbled in voice acting, mainly due to one conference call you had where the client asked you to voice for a minor character that would only be in for a few episodes of TSL.

It was a disasterous when the character died, having been quite a noble and vicious knight to the Lord of Shadow- who, of which, the lord also liked.

You weren’t going to tell him the character was booted off because you weren’t comfortable voice acting anymore.

However, he will have you read aloud lines he had found on a certain website where many like-minded fans wrote their own stories about the characters.

Lucifer caught the skript-like paper when he saw the word ‘master’ printed next to a less than savoury subject the eldest brother would not allow you to be tricked into saying.

Levi wasn’t too happy about that, ranting and raving how it was unfair and he needed to hear the Shadow Knight confess to the Lord of Shadow the way the fandom, and most of all, he, deserved.

You may have little clue what the animes your translating are about, but you never again reject the offer to have one of your own, walking to Levi’s room the second it reaches you in the mail and you spend practically all night binging on every word you wrote for him.

Satan:

When you first came to Devildom, you were particularly overly-curious.

Maybe it was because you were in a knew place, surrounded by beings you once thought only existed in stories?

Maybe you had that same respect for knowledge as Satan did?

Well, it would be easy to think that if it weren’t for the types of questions you asked each of the brothers, as well as the angels, Soloman, Barbatos and even the Prince of Devildom himself.

“What do you like to do on your days off?”

“Are you a tits or ass guy?”

“What’s your relationship like with your family?”

“Do you like men, women, or a bit of both?”

Every demon, witch, angel and whoever you met at RAD had the pleasure of being interrogated by you, your gracious smile and genuine concern for their answer coaxing them to tell you more than they would think to like.

When you wrote in that little journal, stock full of flyaway papers, the victim of your inquisitive nature would worry, for some reason, what you thought of them.

Still, you never let anyone look, not until you had the perfect match for the client.

A matchmaker, that’s what you were in the human world.

You paired couples, looking for marriage or a short term thing, with their perfect better half.

And you had been struggling to pair Satan with anyone.

“You have no interest in either of the sexes. How am I meant to find a girl for you when all you care about are dusty old books?” You muttered dismissively, speaking directly at the pages of your book, the two-page profile you had on Satan spread across the fine lined sheets.

You had been so enraptured in you quest for love that you didn’t notice the warmth looming over you.

“Who’s dusty old books?” The familiar teasing whisper graced your ear, way too close for comfort.

You turned, slamming the journal shut, but it was too late.

He had discovered your plan.

You quickly explained that you were a matchmaker back home and it was hard to hold back.

Even when you were with your human friends, you got carried away, pairing them with nice guys you met in the bar when you went on your weekly girl’s night.

Satan laughed at first, who couldn’t find their own mate?

Until he realised you couldn’t find anyone for him.

You’ve never seen him combust into flames so quickly.

You would be scared if you weren’t so annoyed.

“This is exactly my point! No one will want to be with you if you get this angry all the time!” You pouted, not realising the brothers that had run in at the drop of the proverbial hat, frozen in the doorway as they watched you, a human, talking smack to a demonic Satan.

They had come to save you once they heard him roaring in anger, but you seemed to be coping just fine on your own.

It took both of you a few weeks to realise, the reason you couldn’t find him anyone is because you wanted him.

Asmo:

You and Asmodeus had surprisingly philosophical conversations when you had only just met.

You would answer his teasing comments with very deep and personal questions, asking about his past relationships and how it made him feel to flirt with everyone he laid eyes on.

You had caught him off-guard a few times with your out of left-field inquiries.

One time, after you asked about any childhood trauma he may have had that could lead to his sexual nature, he actually got a little angry, losing his cool and throwing your question right back in your face.

He usually seemed to enjoy the strange back and forth, so you watched him devole into his demon-form with a startled gaze.

“I-I’m sorry, Asmo, I shouldn’t have asked that. Force of habit.”

You were blunt, distant and sometimes rude with your short questions, but when you told him those questions were something you were so familiar with they were a large part of your vocabularly, he had to know.

“How could that possibly be a habit?”

You were a relationships councillor.

You spent your days with arguing couples, coworkers who just couldn’t get along, and the odd friendship that had been torn apart thanks to one sleeping with the other’s partner.

You weren’t used to dealing with overly-friendly cilents, most would be crying about how sorry they were or silent with stubbonness, so you wanted to put that professional gap between the two of you.

But you never intended to hurt him or rehash memories you had no right to know.

“I’m meant to help people, but I can’t even treat the people I care about right.”

Before you had arrived in Devildom, you were pretty much a loner.

You were ambitious, pretty much a recluse outside of work, mainly because anyone you talked to would also get your brain shrinking questions.

“No human likes being asked if they really trust their partner.”

The self-deprecating laugh that left your down-turned lips in that moment pushed Asmo right back down to his usual laidback demeanor, imploring you to explain what you meant by that.

It was only right, you thought, you had been far too invasive for too long.

Asmo respected the work you told him about.

Even if long-term relationships weren’t his thing, or they hadn’t been until he met you, he understand that not everyone could live off the joys of primal lust.

Most people needed a lifelong partner that understood everything they were, ever the dark, twisted parts of them.

But, he didn’t like you tales of the threats you received when certain couples didn’t make it through your counciling sessions.

One too many times had a brick been thrown through the windshield of your car or had been generously gifted a death threat in the mail.

They never worried you, you were used to people finding you odd and anti-social, but it did hurt.

You had only ever wanted to help.

From then, Asmo learnt the psychologist tricks you had up your sleeve, intending to use them on his brothers if they were being particularly secretive.

Especially when you were the subject of their conversation.

He would often bring you to parties, pointing out couples on the dance floor or groups of people who were meant to be friends, asking you who had sexual tension and who were on their last straw with their other half.

You told him time and time again that it didn’t work like that, that you couldn’t just look at someone’s face and defer they were a serial killer.

But body language is a hell of a thing.

Beel:

Being a chef, you were often in the kitchen during the day, trying out recipes Mamo, Satan or Asmo had suggested to you.

Of course, they would often be pranks, potion recipes that would literally blow up in your face the moment you added the frog’s leg or eye of newt.

But, even the smell of the fire place blazing brought the Avatar of Gluttony sniffing around.

At first, he didn’t care what you made, he always cleaned up the mess of your failed experiement made.

When you actually started acting sad when his brothers pranked you again, it was his time to step in.

Instead of leaving you to do your own thing and reap the rewards of your failures, he sat in a wooden chair much too small for him, bearing with the emptiness of his stomach so he could really teach you about the ways of his world.

He told you what you actually needed to make his favourite meal, which he had overheard you ask Mammon one time as you walked to class together.

It was gross and difficult to learn how to cook with a cauldron and entrails of creatures, but you dealt with it because the look of pure, yet subtle, joy on Beel’s face when he ate what you meant to make was far worth the displeasure you went through to cook it.

When you got a couple days vacation from RAD, you somehow talked Mammon into taking you to the human world so you could buy real ingredients you were used to cooking with.

You wanted to prove to them all you weren’t as useless as you seemed when you first got there.

Of course, you would have to alter the recipes to the demons, but it shouldn’t be too hard.

You were a trained professional, after all.

And you definitely proved them all wrong.

Plates of fine dining, fresh vegetables, cakes and sweets.

Abundances of foods of varying cultures and spices.

It took you a whole day to make it all, but the stiffness in your back as you watched the demons, angels and Soloman alike walk into the banquet hall with looks of awe on their faces was enough to ease that pain.

You were exhausted and didn’t want to eat anything yourself, but that went unnoticed by everyone else.

Everyone else but Beelzebub, Avatar of Gluttony.

He pulled his attention away from the amazing food in his mouth long enough to see you sitting in your chair, hugging your legs to your chest and eyes closing a little longer every time you blinked.

You had never looked cuter, but he had never been more worried about you.

“You’re not going you eat anything?” His mouth was full of the fruits of your labour as he leaned over to grab your attention, continuing to shovel food into his mouth as he waited for you to reply.

“The best thing about my job is watching people enjoy it. I’m not hungry.” You yawned through a smile, letting your head rest on his shoulder as your heavy eyelids almost completely restricted your view of the show.

Everyone finally seemed to be getting along.

Diavolo noted to himself he would have a few words with you once the dinner was over.

Belphie:

“You’re a barista.”

Soloman smirked as you two sat together in class, waiting for the ending bell.

“No, I develop energy enhancers, which does include coffee. I literally make new, healthier products that help boost energy and motivation.”

Sure, your part-time job was in a coffee shop, but that was only to pay yourself through college.

The course was nutrionism, paired with a course in chemistry.

You had hoped to use your degree, when you did graduate, to make a product that didn’t cause heart attacks with the sugar content or make people stressed beyond belief on addictive caffeine.

You were a tired teen and survived high school on coffee, but that didn’t do well with your heart.

Now you had a medical condition and got even more tired than you did back then.

Since you couldn’t have coffee anymore, your research was mainly for you.

That’s why, when you hung out with Belphie, sleeping, ironically, you couldn’t be more jealous.

He slept and slept and slept, not a care to the centuries he was wasting doing so.

When you two got close, closer than he and Beel, you somehow managed to get him to test a prototype you had developed with the help of Solomo.

Being the only other human, he actually understood your aims, even if no one else did.

The brother teased you about the fagility of man until you told them about your condition, showing them the medication you had to take everyday to keep your heart beating.

The ones that did bully you, take a lucky guess, first unbelievably guilty, but you got them to pay you back by being your test subjects.

Often, they wouldn’t work, you were still trying to figure out what all these new potions meant and trying to work with the differences between demons and humans. Not to mention the strongest demons there are.

When Belphie did get tricked into drinking the energy concoctions you made, and when they finally worked, he wouldn’t be off the walls like Mammon and Asmo.

He remains docile, talking for a little longer than usual, actually showing interest in what his brothers, and you, did.

It’s not like he was a completely different person, he was still your Belphie, but he had just that little more energy he needed to seemed interested in life as a whole.

When you did admit to him that you had been esstentially drugging him, he took a moment to compute.

MC, the first human he had trusted in so long, had been tricking him to stay awake longer?

To ignore the sin he repesented?

You quickly explained that you had tested it hundreds of times, several times on yourself, like a true scientist, and that you just wanted to spend more time with him, he managed to calm down, just a little.

He jokingly second guessed every drink you handed him from then on, but, honestly, he was happy you had used him like that.

The reasoning for it, for you two to be able to spend more time together, getting to no each other when he wasn’t half asleep or yawning at your every other word.

Mammon had invested in your business venture, but Belphie would be your top customer.

#obey me!#obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me mamo #obey me levi #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmo #obey me asmodeus #obey me beel #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me hc #obey me headcanons

46 notes · View notes