#why try

[yanderederee]

Hey lovelies♡Another update bc why not; still in JJK brainrot and suicidaldepressed over losing my job like 6 months ago so overall I’m pretty distracted with no motivation to write.

Thank you to everyone for being so understanding. I appreciate any kind words or attempts in making conversation, it helps, even a little.

I hope everyone was taken care of during the holidays and got something they wished for!

#koispam #To be honest it doesn’t really feel like people are that into my writing to begin with so lol #why try #I need to pick up self up and just recover from it already but I’m literally always so depressed #and applying to jobs is psychologically torture these days #seriously how am I supposed to get a stable job when I have nothing to offer #jjk #jjk meme #jujutsu kaisen memes #jjk Yuta #jujutsu Kaisen Yuta #yuta okkotsu #yuta #yuta jjk

[dsturbd4life]

I miss me

the old me

the happy me

the bright me

the smiling me

the laughing me

the gone me

#mine #life #black and white #gone #sad thoughts #sadness #sad quotes #sad #dead inside #the old me #why am i here #why try #why #anxiety #depression #mental heath #mentally tired #mental health

[hypnotickale]

I love waking up at 5am from nightmares. My favorite tbh. I think I trauma dumped too close to the sun yesterday and started spiralling a little bit. I'm sure I'll fall back asleep and everything is fine. But I'm really scared of never being loved. Or having a place. Or just being enough.

#mindful obsolescence #vent #tired #looking back it always feels like there isnt enough trauma to justify how broken I am but yet here are all these responses #I truly dont know how much longer i can keep doing this #why try

[knee-nie]

"𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒂𝒙"

#smoker #y2k #2000 posts #the feminine urge #disposable vape #why try #black lives matter #fypシ #lgbtqia #fashion

[mollimar]

.

#why did i bother #whats the point #why try #delete later

[trash-peach-mimosa]

I'm sorry.

#sorry #personal #sleepy #alcohol #aesthetic #pale girl #green eyes #red hair #depressed #sad #why try

[foggysharkgothflap]

Why do i try anymore. Im fucking done.

#sad. #done with life #why am i doing this #why me? #why try

[be-my-violent-smile]

The problem is I keep trying

#me #why try #depressed

[kmyalbums]

Hoje o My Everything faz 8 anos!

Lembro que ele foi lançado no semestre que entrei na UnB. Era basicamente ele que eu ouvia no 110 e nos corredores.

FAIXAS:

Cantava Problem com o Nick e Bang Bang com ele e o Lucas.

Love Me Harder era uma música que eu gostava, até que meu namorado da época ficar cantando demais pra me encher o saco e eu enjoei kkkkk

Break Your Heart Right Back era uma das que eu mais ouvia, junto com Problem.

Lembro do Lucas me falar que ela estava cantando Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart no Grammy e eu fiquei tão orgulhosa do quão longe ela tinha chegado.

Single favorito: Break Free

Não-single favorito: Intro

Clipe favorito: Problem

Apresentação favorita: Just A Little Bit Of Your Heart no Grammy

Meus charts:

YouTube: 17

Spotify: 47

Last.fm: 79

Sobre a mídia física:

Valor: R$29,90

Local: UMusic Store (site)

Tiragem: AE500

Data: Novembro de 2020

#my everything #ariana grande #album #problem #love me harder #break free #bang bang #intro #just a little bit of your heart #one last time #why try #be my baby #break your heart right back #best mistake #only 1 #you dont know me #hands on me #album my everything #2014 #august 25 #the weeknd #iggy azalea #asap rocky #cashemere cat #zedd #jessie j #nicki minaj

[strawberri-syrup]

i try so hard and its never good enough whats the fucking point

#why do i bother anymore #its not like im good at anything! #i am mediocre at best at everything i do #and most of the time its shit #im shit at the stuff i care about! #there is not a single thing i can do that someone else cant do better #ive been playing piano for more than a year and im shit #there are 9 year olds on my cycling team that are better than me #i cant do v1s at the climbing gym even tho my friend can do v5s #im not even that good at crochet! #literally all i know how to id follow a pattern #im just good at following instructions #thats fucking it #whats the fucking point!!!!!!!!! #its not like ill ever do something with my life #im never going to be able to retire im never going to have my own house im never going to have a good job #whats the point #why should i fucking bother #the planet is falling apart our economy is absolutely fucked and ill never live the life i want to #why try

[dsturbd4life]

#mine #life #poetry #gone #love #free write #sad thoughts #black and white #poem #free writing #writers on tumblr #writing #writerscorner #sad poem #sadness #sad poetry #sad quotes #sad #why am i here #why am i like this #why try #my life #life quotes #lifestyle #loner #lonely #b&w #sigh

[a-disaster-piece]

Paramore // “Hard Times,” from After Laughter

Hard times, gonna make you wonder why you even try; Hard times, gonna take you down and laugh when you cry; These lives, and I still don't know how I even survive... Hard times, hard times. ...and I gotta get to rock bottom!

#Paramore #Hard Times #After Laughter #why try #take you down #laugh while you cry #survive #rock bottom #stress #burnout #depression #anxiety #fucking hell

[mysteriouslybluepirate]

Doom post

At the end of this is a picture of my cat, so if you wanna just skip to that, feel free. She's great, healthy, etc.

Don't read if you're already anxious, in a bad place in life, are directionless etc.. I'm ranting about life stuff, so you know yourself best. If you want to read and are feeling shitty, just wait.

It's winter here in the US. If you are reading this past 4 in the afternoon, you're probably not happy.

So there's this new AI coming up, it allows people to put in a prompt, and essentially ask an ai to write it. This works from anything from school essays, to basic medical diagnoses(enough to tell a person to go to the hospital), to correcting computer code. For the next few years this will be an uphill battle.

I'm just going to ask this now, as a person who is mentally ill and it's hard to hold down a serious job. I can't work or live at a deficit.

What the fuck am I supposed to do with my life?

(For context I'm officially diagnosed with: ADHD, Bipolar Disorder 1 with psychotic features, Depression, and Generalized Anxiety disorder)

After 3 degree changes I wanted to go into English teaching, but that whole landscape will change. Why would a 12-year-old write an essay when they can use this program. In the US, our long-form essay-based classes need to change. Plus, I'm a lesbian with a wonkey gender presentation on a given day that lives in a red state. I'm already not safe, I'm not going to be poorer than now and in dept as a teacher. So that's a no.

I'm in a 10k-people dying retirement town 6 hours away from a 100k-people city. I've already worked most jobs locally and was either let go of or quit due to my being part-time due to college. Got gently let go of from Walmart cause they were getting rid of part-time night stockers. All these jobs were manual labor, no office jobs, no 'lazy' jobs that respect my free time. They don't exist here.

I've tried nursing school, computer science, and engineering as degrees. Around 40-50 credits for nothing. Nothing kept me hooked, I had to be uber-medicated for my ADHD to stay going. I was able to get through high school cause I hated myself and punished myself whenever I was underperforming. I'm to tired to do that right now.

As for jobs-

Retail killed me, I worked WalMart for a year, and another local family owned business for four months before giving up. Unless forced to, I won't be returning.

I've tried Railroad (very male-dominated work environments); it's a trade. I wanted to die, mostly 40-year-old men looking at a 5'9 twig and deciding that's enough of a joke to grab onto for a bit. Not to mention all the touching. That's all there is here, besides specializing in another trade, where I could just get treated as badly. Nursing (where I'll be harassed with a smile on my face like my mother) or fitting in with a red town.

My therapist tells me to 'just go into computer science'. She's one of those people that are convinced that anyone can get a degree and find a good job. She ignores me when I tell her how my ADHD makes it hard to focus on tasks. I just need to 'power through it' and It'll work out in the end.

Oh! And Comp Sci is expected to have an influx of people over the next 5 years at entry-level positions due to the pandemic. No one in my family actually believes me when I tell them this, but I'd be fucked after I graduate. It will be impossible to find work with just a degree. I can't afford to leave for an internship that could cinch me a job.

I can't leave. I can't afford to leave. I'm 20, 21 next month, with no friends whatsoever as I hop around in life. All my coworkers are bigots, rude, or high schoolers, leaving me feeling more alone. I'm stuck in a $ 13-an-hour dead-end part-time job, and don't see an out.

If I left town for college, the only affordable housing is my family in the state I live in. So if I specialize I'll just be at ground zero if I'm forced to flee back to home.

I'm not the fun type of mentally ill that's gotten obsessed with something capitalism can call helpful. I obsess over a pirate show for 6 months, and spend most of my days tired and zoned out. I've tried to be hopeful and find a career that suits me. In every single degree I've looked into that isn't too heavily math-based (adhd) or social-based (probably autism, but no one here is qualified for AFAB people) is going downhill. I don't want to be here for this shit anymore.

Obviously, I've got stuff to keep me alive as concerning as this post sounds. I needed to rant, I'm probably in an episode, and if I was that badly off, I wouldn't be posting online. At the very least I have OFMD s2/s3 to look forward to, and household are kind enough not to point out how much of a dead weight I am.

I've got shitty meds that don't work, and a therapist who didn't know gay people could get married...so there's that.

I can't figure out how to verify this account. I've tried, but I can't see private messages. Reblog/comment if you want to talk. But IDK.

Cat photo reward for making it this far. Her name is Polly. She says hi.

#rant #ranting about life #adhd problems #autism #bipolar disorder #college #hopelessness #chatgpt #I'm throwing this everywhere in case someone needed to be validated in their concerns with modern AI #idk #when I feel like I'm already not putting 'enough' out into the world #and see all this stuff coming into the wood work #why try #one day #my part time job will be replaced #then what?our government will not give us universal base income #theres a good chance if i ever met a woman I loved #I wouldn't feel safe dating or settling down in my home state #why am i still here #even if my best life happened #i dont think i would feel safe

[supersonicob]

Just going to dump my thought here for this evening..... I'm still in my feelings a little bit. I don't believe the old saying "time heals all wounds" because I am a walking testimony that I can be having a fully busy and good day when something will trigger me and I get bombarded by horrible thoughts of what so and so did to me back in yesteryear. And I can honestly say that it will bother me for hours or even days after. And I spend all that time trying to figure out why people act the way they do to someone who was so good to him/her. It will then set off a chain of events where I then start feeling hateful towards everything and everyone, including the earth itself and wishing the end of the world would just come already so this torture could end. So I guess with that being said, NO "time does Not heal all wounds" and it for damn sure doesn't help when you keep meeting new people who keep proving your case to be correct. And they all fail you time and time again. The level of selfishness and self serving lunatics on this dieing planet that take up a great percentage of the world population is and has become outstanding. People have really started allowing their demons to show through and they have no remorse or care in the world. Not to say that I'm surprised at this point because I'm not, it's only showing me that I'd be correct by saying I can't do the same kind things for people that I found to be easy to do before, and I can't be the sweet person I used to be. I feel like I'm being forced to change in order to protect myself, my sanity, my well being, my state of mind, my aura. Instead of people controlling their nasty evil conniving characteristics and become humane and nicer, us nice empathetic people have to shut down, and change how we normally behave just to keep the toxic people away. It's insane and Ludacris. Overall morale to this is "there is no use in even trying anymore. Not with "L**e" and not with people.

#writing #heartbreak #in my experience #in my thoughts #love isnt real #fuck it #feelings #sad thoughts #i'm sad #sadgirl #my thoughts #brain dump #trauma vent #venting #vent incoming #no more #why me #why try

[theboxfort]

Peace and love

#pink posts #i saw a tweet that was like “i see other people's art” --> i get discouraged #i understand that seeing art that is prettier than yours can be discouraging but why not twist that a bit? #why does it look prettier to you? is it the colors #is it the textures they used? the brushes? #study them and try to put your spin on it #and maybe you'll find your art beautiful as well

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week