#//this is very MCU oriented

[the-hotter-stark]

I’m here to put an end to everything with ‘Avengers tumblr’…or so I told PR.

In all honesty I know it’s a hopeless case. I’ll maybe think of damage control if needed.

I was advised by The Kid to let everyone know my inbox is open…Is this how mailboxes have made a comeback? Of all things?…

(Regarding Gwenyth Paltrow…Nothing. I’m only portraying the character and GOOP does not exist in this universe.)

#Pepper Potts #Virginia Potts #Pepper Stark #Avengers #marvel #role play #mcu #marvel cinematic universe #//Don’t expect comic accuracy #//this is very MCU oriented #PR department

[liyawritesss]

ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʙʀᴏᴋᴇ, ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ɪᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴛʜᴇ ʙʀᴇᴇᴢᴇ

Characters: MCU!Shuri Udaku x!Black!Fem!Reader

Type: Fic

Word Count: 11.8k

Synopsis: It’s your sister’s 25th birthday, and she invited you over for the extravagant birthday bash. However, there’s only one problem. Shuri has never met your family. She also isn’t aware of their past mistreatment of you. So when your parents begin to make jabs at you on what is supposed to be a joyous event, Shuri might have to apologize to your sister for what is to come next.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of verbal + physical abuse, mentions of severe anxiety, a very angry Shuri shuts shit down, shitty parents, dysfunctional family dynamics

A/N: So....this came about after watching a clip of Love & Hip Hop ATL, where in the clip one of the guys on the show was confronting his mother about the mistreatment and neglect he got as a kid and how his mother took all her frustrations out on him when he had nothing to do with what she was going through. That video touched exceptionally close to home so I wanted to writing for such an event but with Shuri, as I think for someone who is quite family oriented (or who appears to be), she would definitely have a few choice words to say to parents like that. Plus, I wanted to provide comfort to those going through similar situations as teenagers and young adults with their own parents. So I hope that this brings comfort to some of you, as it has done to me when writing it.

Song Suggestions: "Naked" & "Everything" by Ella Mai, "Let Me Down Slowly" by Alec Benjamin ft. Alessia Cara, "Let It Go" by James Bay, "Losin' Control" by Russ, "Control" by Zoe Wees, "You're Not Here" by Cynthia Erivo, "You Let Me Down" by Alessia Cara

Tags: @6-noir @playhousedistee @shuririsdefenseattorney @shuriszn @venusdraco @wrendermedone @writingintheshadowsforever @mbakuetshurisprincess @verachii @slytherin-34 @the_lesbian-fangirl @h34rtsformilli @strangefishflapturtle @cuddl3s4shur1 @shuriislut @dejaonline @babyboiboyega @badass-dora-milaje @inmyheadimobsessed @aaliyg @cafehyunji @chunkybabygorl @rosielovesfamily @lulu-network @nichole-224 @niyahwrites @lppriceisright @blacksapphhicmaddonna @pantherheart @marsfunzon22

Note: there are some of you that for some reason tumblr won't let me tag, so I apologize in advance.

Sign Up For My Taglist Here!

The closer you were to pulling up to your sister’s home, the harder it was becoming for you to breathe.

It wasn’t like you were ignorant enough to believe you could escape this.  You’d always known, deep down inside, that one day, you’d have to face them again. Yet, here you were, tucked into the smooth tan leather of Shuri’s car, hiding the fact that you were on the verge of an anxiety attack, and your girlfriend to the left of you filled with positive anticipation to meet your family.

Your sister, Alex, was turning twenty-five today. It is a big celebration for your bloodline, and though much of the original purpose of the celebration had been lost due to oral passing, the general belief was that the lucky lady who’d survive to her twenty-fifth birthday was to be guaranteed a long, fulfilling life.

Of course your sister would have a long, fulfilling life. Alex was a woman of greatness. She’d worked hard in school, got into an amazing college, met a handsome guy who she’d married as soon as she landed her first official big-girl job at some law firm in your home city. There wasn’t a doubt in your mind that Alex was guaranteed for greatness.

Alex was…perfect.

You didn’t want to go. As much as you knew it would have hurt her to not have her sister at her side for her big day, Alex would’ve understood. You never liked the elaborate, extravagant lifestyle. You were a simple girl with simple pleasures, who led a simple life and wanted nothing more than to live simply.

Though, that seems contradictory, since about a year ago, you found yourself gaining the attention and affections of the very Queen of Wakanda. How you managed that feat, you would never know.

It was Shuri who had found the invitation. She was visiting you during an monthly check up at one of the outreach facilities posted in your town, when she had inevitably seen the pretty invitation sitting on your kitchen island. It was all written in cursive, no doubt the product of your sister’s perfect penmanship, and most of all, it was addressed to you and Shuri.

You’d only told Alex of your relationship after the six month mark. You wanted to be certain that such a relationship would last; though, now that you thought back on it, what good would it have done Shuri to play you? Her intentions and integrity were clear the first day she had introduced herself to you. She’d never given you any reason to not trust her, and yet, you had still doubted her. It was a period of time you regretted most, and yet, Shuri still loved you. And in realizing that she would continue to do so, even after seeing the ugly parts of you, you allowed yourself to truly love her back.

Shuri was ecstatic to go. She wanted to meet your sister in person, having only ever seen each other through video calls and communicated through text. And with Shuri’s pretty brown doe-eyes that had always been a weakness to you, you couldn’t say no.

And now, here you were, gripping the door handle tightly as you released tight breathes, wondering if it would have been beneficial to sit Shuri down and tell her the reason why your eyes showed a glimpse of dread when she’d picked up that invitation.

“Darling?” The Queen’s voice cuts through the cloudiness that fogs your brain, grounding you in a way only her honey-laced voice could do. “Are you alright?”

No, you want to say, turn the car around, take me home. I don’t want to go there-

“Yeah, just a bit tired.”

Shuri looks at you quizzingly. You have not been acting as yourself since the day she’d stopped by your apartment. Since, she’d been trying to pinpoint the cause, but to no avail. Even after a year together, she still found you hard to read sometimes. It was endearing to her, a challenge she greatly accepted as part of the packaged deal that came with your relationship. 

However, she couldn’t deny that this time, things felt…different.

There’s a melodic beeping that comes from the vehicle, and the red flashing on the dash panel alerts Shuri that the car is running out of gas. And not a second later, a familiar voice speaks from the surround-sound speakers:

Panther, the vehicle is reaching low fuel. It would be wise to refuel soon. There is a petrol station approximately ten miles ahead. Fuel here is priced at four ninety-seven per gallon.

“Thank you, Griot,” Shuri hums, turning to you, “we shall stop there. Fill up on gas and get some snacks. You haven’t eaten much today, my love.”

Though you fix your lips to protest Shuri’s ever so keen observation, the way her hand slips over your thigh, her open palm meeting your skin through the large hole in your ripped jeans, it’s almost enough to have you relent. “I did eat; at breakfast.”

“Which was eight hours ago,” Shuri reminds you, “almost nine, once we arrive at your sisters. I’m sure there will still be room for the food if you just have one bag of chips to hold you over.”

You hate how well Shuri knows you. It makes it hard to hide things with her keen perception and observation skills. Though, you suppose those traits all come with the territory of being The Black Panther.

A sigh escapes your lips, and the lack of a reply worries Shuri. Yet, she does not push. Instead, her thumb continues to swipe in soothing strokes along the smooth skin of your thigh as she continues to drive to the designated gas station.

All of five minutes pass until it comes into view. When Shuri parks at one of the gas lanes, she fishes into her pocket for her wallet. From it she produces a black card, and hands it to you. “Fifty should bring it back up,” the Queen says, “and a bag of chips for you should do the same.”

“Shuri, I said I’m fine-”

“Darling.” Shuri’s tone is firm, yet gentle, and leaves no room for argument. So all you can do is press a kiss to her cheek - a practice routine of mundane intimacy that brings you both pleasure - before exiting the car and walking towards the entrance of the gas station.

Shuri sits back in her seat, a sigh pushing past her lips. She’s not quite sure what to make of your behavior.

In the year that the two of you have been dating, never once did you bring up the topic of your family. Shuri didn’t even know you had a sister until six months ago. Alex reminded her much of Nakia in some sense - powerful and self made, and in that regard, she was glad that you had some semblance of family you could reach out to.

Your parents, however, were another story. A story you had well avoided, and as of recently as a few months ago, downright refused to talk about. It became quite clear that it was a touchy subject for you, so Shuri didn’t pry. However, she could not deny that part of her grew…heated, at the unpleasant thoughts that plagued her mind when it came to the reason for the non-existent relationship between you and them.

“Griot.”

“Yes, Panther?”

“What were my beloved’s vitals during the ride?”

A beat passes, as Griot computes.

“(Y/N)’s heart rate had been jumping from one hundred forty-five to one hundred seventy beats per minute. Her grip on the door was strong enough to break a thin glass cup. It appears (Y/N) was on the verge of an anxiety attack, but had been fighting it off for the duration of your journey.”

Shuri curses under her breath, more or less to herself at the information that had been relayed to her. 

“She has been on edge all morning,” Shuri says aloud, “I did not ask, for fear of triggering her, but I cannot allow her to feel threatened.”

Shuri knows your triggers like the back of her hand. She’s learned to speak in a level tone to avoid startlement; she’s learned to make her presence known when entering your space; and most importantly, she reassures you, letting you know each and every day how much she loves you, how much she treasure your existence in her life, and how she vows to hold your heart with the utmost care in the world.

Shuri is the smartest person in the world, and yet, she cannot decipher the reason behind her lover’s heightened emotions. If it weren’t for the fact that she was focused on figuring out why you were like this, and how to calm you down, she’d surely find the thought embarrassing.

“Might I speak freely, Panther?”

A hum rumbles from Shuri’s throat as a sign for the artificial intelligence to continue.

“(Y/N)’s vitals have been heighted since one week ago,” Griot points out, “around the same time she had received the invitation to her sister’s birthday party. It would be safe to assume that these two instances have a correlation with one another.”

  “You are insinuating that Alex’s birthday party is somehow the cause of my love’s anxiety spiking?”

“Perhaps not the party, but rather, who will be there, Panther.”

Silence fills the car as Shuri takes in the information given to her. Though, she doesn’t have much to think on it, as she spots your figure exiting the sticker-covered glass door of the gas station, a black plastic bag in hand, of which she hopes holds the snacks she had requested of you to get for yourself. She exits the car and takes hold of the gas nozzle, opening up the tiny door and unscrewing the protection cap, and slots the nozzle into the car to fill with fuel.

A few moments pass before Shuri returns to the car, having placed the nozzle back in it’s place and secured the gas compartment. Her black card rests on the arm rest, which she slips back into her wallet as the corner of her eyes catches you with something in your hand - something that’s not a bag of chips.

“I thought I told you chips, darling?” Shuri asks as she starts up the car again.

“I got chips!” You respond. “I wanted a Twix, too.”

Your free hand fishes into the black plastic back to produce a bottle of water for Shuri, slotting it into the cup holder.

“What is this?” Shuri asks, gesturing to the water bottle.

“You were thirsty,” You point out.

Shuri indeed was thirsty. She can’t help the smile that paints her lips soon after, taking the water bottle into her hand, unscrewing the cap, and taking a swig of the water.

“Are you sure you’re alright, my love?” Shuri asks once more after setting the water back down, preparing to put the car into motion.

To busy chewing on the cookie-chocolate-caramel treat, you opt for nodding your head, a short ‘mhm’ to accompany it.

As much as Shuri wanted to question further, she knew nothing would come of it. So she slips her hand back onto your thigh, presses down on the gas, and rolls out of the gas station, the conversation with Griot filing back into her mind as she drives down the long strip of highway.

“My parents are gonna come.”

You’d said it the second Shuri had parked into the driveway of your sister’s home. With each second that passed on the way there, your chest kept growing tighter and tighter. You thought that maybe if you focused on Shuri’s touch on you, or her low singing voice when Tems starts to flood the car with her hypnotic, warm and swelling voice, that maybe you would be able to calm down and not worry her. It usually worked, but perhaps because this instance was due to the fact that you would be seeing your parents for the first time in years, what was usually the cure for your attacks did very little to help.

Shuri pauses as the words leave your lips, and for a moment, it looks as if she is cross. And while she has every right to be, you hope that it isn’t at you.

You should have told her before the two of you left, as you thought to do. It plagued your mind when you were in the shower, when you were fixing your hair, when you were choosing your outfit. And Shuri had been in the same apartment with you the entire time. You had ample enough time to tell her and yet…you didn’t. You couldn’t.

You know Shuri. She would try to remain calm and collected for you, to not show her anger, because of course she would be angry either way. The car ride would have been in silence, the air thickening with each mile crossed from one city to the other. But you would know that she was upset. She should be upset now because you just dropped this bomb on her and-

“Beloved,” the Queen mutters to you, bringing you from your thoughts once more, “look at me.”

Your head turns to face Shuri. She’s put the car into park, one arm leaning on the arm rest, the other reaching over to soothe your nerves by caressing your outer thigh. She looks at you with a softness that relieves some of the pressure on your chest stunting your breathing. Her gaze tells you that she is not cross with you.

“Hey,” she says, “I am not upset with you.” And the reassurance helps you unclench the fists your hands have balled into.

She doesn’t speak again until she’s certain that your breathing has evened out, as opposed to the harsh and forced inhale-exhale pattern from before. “Is there…anything I should know?”

You tear your eyes away, but Shuri’s gaze remains firm. Consistency is key, she’s learned, when it comes to you confiding in her. Her eyes are your safe space, you will return to them. And you do, after a short moment, trying to gather your mind together.

“They’re not nice people,” you confess, eyes hesitantly returning to hers, “they’ll try and woo you and shit, but don’t fall for it. They ain’t shit.”

“Okay,” Shuri hums, “and…is there anything I can do? For you?”

“Um,” a shaky breath racks through your throat, as you speak, “they’re not here now. Alex texted me that, so I should be fine, but when they get here…j-just, don’t leave me alone.”

“I will not leave you alone.” Shuri assures. Her hand gathers yours into hers, your palms rendered chilly from cold sweat. “I promise.”

Gathering your hands into hers, Shuri brings them to her lips and presses a kiss to them. She then reaches over to press a kiss to your lips, of which you reciprocate gladly.

“Thank you for talking to me about this,” the Queen commends, “and telling me how to best take care of you. I know it is not easy-”

“I hate it-” you correct, which brings a grin to Shuri’s lips and a chuckle from her throat, because yes, she knows you hate it.

“-but you are doing it, and I am very proud of you for it.”

It’s sincere, Shuri’s praise. It’s still not easy for you to digest it, but you know her love is not transactional, conditional. She means what she says, and you know her love for you is unconditional and unyielding. 

She loves you. 

She is proud of you.

The pressure on your chest becomes lighter.

Upon exiting the car, you’re approached by your sister, Alex, who had seen the two of you pull into the driveway and wanted to be the first person you’d engage with. You’re not shocked when you see her eyes glassy looking - it’s been years since you two last saw each other face to face.

Alex is hesitant when approaching you - she wants to envelop you in the most bone-crushing hug she can muster, because she misses you and it has been so long since she’d held her baby sister. Though all it takes is for you to outstretch your arms to her, and Alex embraces you in the way she had been dreaming of.

“Oh, mama,” Alex breathes as she pulls away to get a better look at you. You notice the youthfulness in her face and the life in her eyes. She looks happy, “look at you. All grown up. My baby sissy is all grown ‘nd shit.”

It’s heartfelt, her words, and they make you smile. Alex turns to look at Shuri, who’s chosen to stand to the side to witness the sisterly reunion without interrupting. “And you have a girlfriend? You have to tell me how this happened.”

“By complete accident,” you say, as Shuri steps up. Her hand presses into the small of your back, encouraging you while she holds the other out to greet Alex officially, “but I guess anything can happen when you spill coffee on someone in the middle of a morning rush.”

“It is a pleasure to finally meet you in person, Alex.” Shuri says.

Alex shakes Shuri’s hand, and the Queen notes the hesitance in the older sister's movements. “Well, it’s not every day you meet the queen of a country. Much less, a queen of a country that’s also my sister’s girlfriend.”

“Well, I hope not to bring too much excitement with my titles,” says Shuri, “I am more than alright with being just Shuri.”

She sincerely hoped that she could just remain Shuri. For if a situation arises that she would have to act in the manner of either of her titles - Queen or Black Panther - she could not promise that the birthday celebration would remain a splendor.

An hour passes before either of you know it. You’ve found entertainment amongst the younger cousins who all gawk at your girlfriend, who sits not too far away. Shuri has a cup of punch in hand as she watches you chase the children around the yard, a small smile on her lips. It’s as if you are reliving a part of your childhood you’ve missed, the way you seem so content with the children. It all but warms her heart.

“So,” Alex’s voice interrupts Shuri’s not so discreet admiration of her girlfriend, nearly making the Queen jump, “you and my sister?”

“Ah,” Shuri breathes, looking down into her cup as a rush of heat travels up her dark skin, “me and your sister.”

“I’m not gonna go into the whole interrogation thing, grilling you on if you’re treating her right,” Alex says, “I see how you look at her. If that ain’t the look of someone in love, then I’on know what is.”

Shuri chuckles at that, because she knows that Alex’s observations are true. In fact she has no idea just how correct her observation is.

Shuri leans forward in her seat, elbows propped up on her knees as she finds your figure amidst the mess of kids once again. Her necklace dangles from her neck, the gold contrasting against her black tee that nearly meets the fabric of her ripped blue jeans with her hunched over position.

“(Y/N) is…the ray of sunlight one sees after a long, dark night,” the Queen hums fondly, “and had I known my gods would send me such a woman, I would have prepared myself better.”

Alex smiles warmly. She can tell the strong connection between you and Shuri is pure and unadulterated. It warms her heart beyond comparison.

“Thank you for coming, truly,” Alex says, “I was almost worried she wouldn’t, since our parents would be here and everything.”

And at the mention of them, Shuri finds her jaw tightening just the slightest.

“Your parents?” Shuri is beginning to put two and two together, and she doesn’t like the outcome that is unfolding from her assumptions, however careful they are.

“I…assume she’s told you about them?” Alex implies.

Shuri shakes her head lightly, taking a sip of her semi-forgotten punch. “I find myself piecing the picture together on my own…She does not talk about them.”

“That isn’t a surprise,” Alex says, “given…well, everything.”

Shuri turns her head to look at Alex. Her eyes are firm, inquisitive; Alex’s words have sparked an interest in Shuri.

”She says they aren’t good people. Is that true?”

“Depends on who you ask,” Alex replies, “to the community, their saints. To us they’re just….people.”

Shuri notes the hint of solemness that laces Alex’s voice as she speaks. “They weren’t good to either of us…but they were especially bad to (Y/N).” Alex clarifies. “You know what they say; hurt people, hurt people.”

Not when the person is your child, Shuri thinks, but keeps to herself, taking another sip of her punch. Things are starting to make sense now, and Shuri finds that perhaps she will also have to have you at her side to ground her whenever your parents decide to show up.

“So you mean to tell me you got yourself stuck in a tree, and then got angry because she tried to help you get down?”

“I was not stuck! I was admiring the view.”

“Sure you were…with tears coming down your face.”

“I think this classifies as bullying-”

Shuri had grown quite comfortable as the next hour passed. More of your family had begun to show up, a number of aunts and uncles, nieces and nephews, and cousins wishing Alex a happy birthday as they passed through the foyer of her house and into the backyard. Shuri couldn’t count the amount of gasps she’d heard when their eyes fell upon her, sat comfortably in the outdoor gazebo, her presence obviously a surprise to the many relatives who had come to celebrate the special birthday girl. Much more, the fact that she had you close to her side as she greeted them.

The behavior of your family members irked her. Shuri suspected that Alex had talked to each of the adults to assure that they’d be on their best behavior for the occasion, given the tight smiles and curt greetings between each of them and you. Or perhaps it was because of her own intimidating presence next to you, and the fact that she wasn’t even trying to hide the look in her eyes as she analyzed each adult that seemed to pass through.

“Babe,” you cleared your throat, “stop looking like that, you’re scaring them.”

“Looking like what?”

“Like you’re contemplating murder.”

Would it have been so bad if she was, though?

Shuri sighs as she places the red solo cup she had been nursing for a while onto the table. “Just behave, for Alex-”

“I am behaving for you,” the queen clarifies, “and your sister would say the same.”

Unable to comment any further, you released an exhale through the nose, sinking back into Shuri’s side.

“It’s guilt, y’know.” You try to reason, but Shuri had already considered that route. Perhaps there were a few who did have a guilty conscience. Shuri didn’t find herself caring if that was true or not. “They’re not bad.”

“Beloved-”

“Shuri.”

“-I am merely observing,” she says, “I promise.”

Of course Shuri was only observing. Observing the behavior of each adult family member. How they acted towards you. How very little regard was given to you. How, with the amount of bodies that have accumulated in the backyard, the gazebo area remained relatively desolate, beside the two of you, Alex, and Alex’s black and white spotted cat, who had made a home on the red painted banister.

Sure. Shuri was just observing. Definitely not questioning anything at all. Definitely not formulating words she would say to your parents if they decided to make themselves an issue.

“I’m gonna go get a shot,” you say, before propping yourself up with your hands and lifting from the cushion of the outdoor couch, “you want a refill?”

You take Shuri’s cup before she officially gives you a response. You needed a way out, to move around so that the beating in your chest could quell.

Inside there isn’t much of a party scene - it's practically empty besides a teenage family member fighting their sleep on the couch while watching an infant in the living room. The music from outside is muffled when you enter the house, and you take the time to admire the mahogany walls and deep maroon floors of the home. You could compare it to the childhood home you’ve grown up in, and you think that perhaps this was Alex’s way of healing. Recreating your shared childhood environment in a more peaceful manner.

You find the kitchen quite easily, rounding the kitchen island in pursuit of the adult punch purposefully left inside so that the underaged family members wouldn’t get it confused with the family friendly punch that rested in a big glass bowl on the party table outside. On the counter is an array of liquor choices, from fruit flavored tequila to everyone's favorite, Hennessy. You weren’t a drinker, but this far into the party, you needed some sort of incentive to get you to relax a little bit.

Once you’ve chosen your choice of liquor, you take a red solo cup, pour what you deemed to be a shot's worth, and downed it in one gulp. The burn in your throat definitely woke your senses, of which you were grateful for.

On your way towards the kitchen doorway, Shuri’s refilled solo cup in hand, the sound of familiar voices drifted to your ears from the foyer, and it made you stop dead in your tracks. 

“Happy birthday baby!”

“Happy birthday, babygirl.”

“Oh, look at you, all grown up-”

It took everything in you to not drop the cup in your hand at the sound of your parents making their presence known. You backed into the kitchen again, your back finding a nearby wall to ground yourself with. Your chest began to tighten, a tight lump forming in your throat, and in that moment, your hand fished for your phone in your back pocket to text Shuri.

Kitchen. Now.

There was a light shake in your hands. You hated how just the mere sound of their voices sent you into a spiral; how much of an influence they still had on you after trying so hard to separate yourself from them. Then they had the nerve  to act pleasant.

There was a growing ringing in your ears, accompanied with the muffling of surrounding noise that made you breathe harder as you tried to stabilize yourself from the very apparent anxiety attack that was waiting to crash into you. You couldn’t decipher if it was the same one from before that you had fended off by sheer will, or if this was a new, more powerful one. However, when the smell of patchouli made its way to your nose, the thought of it became seconded.

“Hey,” Shuri whispered, one hand running the length of your arm, the other taking the cup from your hand that was seconds away from meeting the floor, and settling it onto the kitchen island, “hey, I am right here.”

“They’re out there, Shuri.” You breathe out.

Something shifts in Shuri’s eyes, and you can’t quite tell what it was, but the way her grip on you tightens in the ever so slightest way lets you know she’s thinking something.

“We can leave, beloved,” Shuri begins, but you’re quick to cut her off with a shake of your head.

“No,” you say, swallowing thickly, “I can’t leave, it’s Alex’s birthday-”

“Alex will understand, love; would she really want you to risk your own self for her?”

I’ve done it for years, the little girl in you voices tiredly, what’s another evening of it?

Shuri never wants to be forceful with you. She knows you’re your own woman and can make your own decisions, even if they go against her better judgment, even if they hurt you. Which is why, against every logical bone in her body, she proposes a compromise.

“Three chances,” Shuri says, “three chances is all they have. Then we will leave. How does that sound?”

Knowing Shuri, she’ll want to throw hands at the first encounter. It was endearing, really, how hard she went for you. The extent of such craze was never explored, simply because she was always calm, cool and collected. There was a part of you that always wondered  the extent of it as well.

And, in hindsight, you weren’t wrong about her.

Shuri peaks from the kitchen doorway and into the foyer, seeing Alex still entertaining the two adults, their backs turned towards the Queen, which gave her the incentive to leave while the trio were occupied.

She mutters a quick ‘let’s go’ with a gentle smile, and after a few seconds, you nod. Your hand finds her, tightly interlocking your fingers as Shuri pulls you back to the backyard gazebo. Shuri had no idea the depths she was about to breach in the layers of your estranged family, but whatever the case may be, she will not let you face it alone.

It was almost the perfect getaway, too, but apparently Shuri wasn’t fast enough in getting you out of the house. She heard the matured voice of your mother call out to you, asking if it was her other daughter, and Shuri supposed that it wasn’t meant to be taken in a demeaning way, but the queen certainly did. Perhaps it was predisposed biases, perhaps it was intentional. Either way, Shuri would make sure to take as much of the burden off you as she could.

“Mom,” you say, jaws tight, but Shuri stands close behind you, a hand on your waist, and it stabilizes you, “good to see you.”

The older woman, short in stature, with wide hips and thick arms, saw Shuri standing behind you, but whether or not she didn’t address her because she didn’t recognize the queen or because she simply didn’t care couldn’t be deciphered. “Come give me a hug-!”

“I’m good,” you hurriedly said, “just- uh, not feeling well.”

“Don’t be like that,” the deep, bolstering voice of your father chimed in; a large man with an intimidating physique. Shuri was not phased, her arm only snaked it’s way around your waist, “give your mama a hug, lil’ girl-”

“I said I’m good.” You reiterate more firmly, though there was an added incentive to clear your throat shortly afterwards to make your fib more believable. “Really; I know how easy it is for y’all to get sick.”

There was a moment of pause - and exchange of glances and a shift in energy before a light ‘humph’ came from your mother’s throat. “Well, I suppose that makes sense,” she snooted, “and I suppose that’s why your friend there is the exception-?”

“Girlfriend, actually,” Shuri interrupts, though it wasn’t planned, and surely wasn’t expected, “it is one of many perks of being the Black Panther. I do not succumb to normal colds and illnesses as easily.”

The pads of Shuri’s fingers press into your side as she steps beside you; she’s now side to side with you, face your parents with a high chin and a look you were sure she’d only pulled out when in front of important people - or people who she suspected would try to intimidate her, yet she’d still have to play nice for publicity purposes.

“Allow me to introduce myself formally,” Shuri said, holding out her hand for your mother to take; the shorter woman did just so as Shuri spoke again, “I am Queen Shuri to my people, but for tonight's festivities, I would like to remain just Shuri.”

“A queen?” Your mother breathes out in an amused chuckle, though you couldn’t tell if it was in actual amusement or in disbelief. “Well, perhaps we did do something right with her, hm, honey?”

Strike one.

Shuri’s hand then reaches out to your father, who stares at the long, brown arm outstretched before him for a moment, before taking one of his thick, meaty hands, and shaking Shuri’s tinier one. Though, the look on his face when the queen’s grip strengthened around his hand was enough to tell you his surprise and lack of proper judgment on the brown-skinned woman.

“Got a…firm grip for a lil’ lady.” He says.

“Well,” Shuri begins as she slips her hand from your fathers, “my baba and big brother always said a firm hand makes a firm leader.”

“Well, wise men they were.”

There was much to observe in the few words shared between Shuri and your parents. Your father hid very well behind the facade of a pleasant man of few words. Perhaps he was sculpted that way, by your mother or by his own parents; either one didn’t matter, only that the end result was a man with a weaker grip than the elders she held council with, and they were pushing their latter years of nineties and hundreds. Your parents looked to be in their mid-forties.

Your mother…Shuri admits that she wished her own were still alive, for the words she knew Ramonda would have for this short-stack of a woman would be more lethal than any weapon produced by her own hands. Condescension laced in her voice with a familiar tone of jealousy that she’d heard and witnessed many black mothers having towards their own daughters. It wasn’t hard to tell, Shuri thought, but perhaps when enough people ignore such a dangerous thing, the ugly nature becomes a tolerable norm.

“Well, if you will excuse us,” says the queen, “I’m going to take my beloved to sit down. She is in much need of rest.”

Shuri did not give your parents time to react, nor to object to the sudden ending to the conversation. She’d quickly pivoted your body around and walked back outside to the gazebo, a firm hand on your back and a ticking clock in her head for when the next strike would come.

Sure enough, Shuri did not have to wait long for that second strike. 

After getting you back to the gazebo to take a seat, on the verge of hyperventilating from the amount of anxiety the back and forth gave you, despite the fact that you weren’t even the one talking, Alex had come with a look of disdain. Your parents were in tow, as they claimed to want to ‘have a sit down and reconnect’. Of course, Shuri didn’t buy into that bullshit. Neither did Alex. And surely, neither did you.

And yet, neither you nor Alex yet had the courage to send them off, and Shuri, keeping herself in check, had no other choice but to allow them to sit with the three of you. So now you were tucked into Shuri’s side, phone in hand as a distraction, while Alex sat on a beige-cushioned chair to your left, and your parents in a similar-fashioned loveseat to the queen’s right.

Alex was kind enough to hide her discomfort in nervous laughs and meek agreements as your mother and father raved on about your childhoods. Specifically, the accomplishments of Alex, which would have been understandable as it was her birthday, if it didn’t have to include the ‘disappointments’ of yours they had to bring into the light.

“Remember the speech competition your grammar school had, Lexi-Pooh,” your mother chimed, using the youthful nickname Alex very physically cringed over, “you won your first ever trophy then at eight years old! Oh, we were so proud of you-”

“Mom, everyone got a trophy,” Alex reminded, putting emphasis on the word ‘everyone’ as she spared a glance your way, “we were babies, and it was a participation trophy. They just didn’t want us to be left out.”

“Well, still, my baby had the best poem on that stage!”

“Mom, I literally stole that poem off the internet.” Alex reasons.

“Yeah, off DeviantArt no less,” you speak with a chuckle, remembering the nights your sister scoured the internet for a poem to read because she, for the life of her, couldn’t write her own. Which she couldn’t be faulted for, she was in third grade after all.

Alex shares a small laugh as well. “If anyone should have won that competition, it should’ve been (Y/N),” She says. “All the teachers swore up and down she was gonna be the next Lorraine Hansberry or Audre Lorde. I bet you she got some bars hidden somewhere.”

Your mother could only hum in response; “Well, we can’t all be winners, I guess.”

There was a familiar sting that ached your heart. Despite how used you were to such rhetoric coming from your mother, it didn’t make the twang in your heart any less hurtful.

“You never liked that kinda stuff anyway, (Y/N),” your mother says, “so why did you join it-”

“I do like writing,” you say sharply, “and I wanted to be like my sister. Who doesn’t wanna be like their older sister at seven years old?”

You glanced up from your phone to look between the three people sitting before you. Alex shifts in her seat, uncomfortably, slightly shaking her head as she knows what is to come.

“Or were you just so busy with your perfect princess that you ain’t have time to learn me?”

“(Y/N)!” Your mother scolds, and you feel the protective arm of Shuri’s curl around you in defense. “Hush your mouth with them lies, girl!”

Your father remains silent, as he’s always done when your mother gets this way, and Shuri sees this, and takes note of it.

“I swear, I don’t know where we went wrong with you,” your mother huffs, “lost yo’ damn manners and mind talkin’ like that.”

Your mother then turns to Shuri, sporting an apologetic look, though it is not sincere, and merely a coverup for her own outburst. “Now I know your mother taught you well and good, Shuri, about how to talk to people and behave-”

“My mother is dead.” 

There is an inevitable shift in the conversation now, one that brings the eyes to Shuri as a deafening silence befalls the gazebo. Even you rise from your curled position into Shuri’s side to eye her demeanor, checking over her form to note any changes that came with the sudden mention of her mother. Yet, she is calm and collected, her eyes showing no shifts and her demeanor intact. All seemed well…on the surface, at least.

“My mother is dead, may she be at peace with the ancestors,” Shuri says, “and she is incomparable. I do not wish to speak further of her.”

A beat passes. Your hand travels to Shuri’s leg, providing a comforting touch to the woman beside you. You weren’t ignorant to the news of her family’s passing - since her father’s death, you’d had a semblance of understanding the inner turmoil she had endured. With her brother and mother gone, she was virtually alone - save for a sister-like figure and a nephew she’d only told you a little bit about in the past few months or so.

You wanted to say something, but your mother beat you to it - this time, she actually sounded somewhat apologetic for her ignorance.

“My condolences,” the woman mutters softly, clearing her throat, “I only meant that she must have had it easy raising you. You’re so well put together and polite, if only some of that would rub off on (Y/N)!”

Strike two.

“Mom, stop it,” Alex interrupts, voice firm with a scowl on her face, “you doin’ a lil’ too much now.” 

“Now, your mama ain’t said nun’ wrong,” your father suddenly speaks, who had been quite the entire conversation, but suddenly decided to stick up for his woman who was clearly in the wrong, “it’s just ladies spat, y’all know how y’all do.”

“And like I said before y’all got here, I don’t want it in my house.” Alex emphasizes. “If that’s the type of time y’all on, the door is very clearly marked with an obnoxiously pink birthday banner. Period.”

There was a small swell of pride in your chest for Alex as she set her foot down to your parents. She was determined to have them behave; she wanted a classy, friendly party for her birthday celebration. Though, she would know just as well as you that even when being put in place, the audacity of your parent’s always found itself back into trouble.

Your mother mumbled out an apology, along with something along the lines of ‘got me apologizing to my child’ under her breath as well, before you cleared your throat in an attempt to cut through the tension.

“Shuri, baby,” you hummed, “don’t we have something for Alex? In the car?”

Shuri turned to look at you, eyebrows slightly furrowed, before she officially caught on to what you were insinuating.

“Yes,” the queen breathes out with a small smile, “we do have something in the car. For the birthday girl.”

Alex, too, shares the same look Shuri previously sported, with furrowed eyebrows and confusion written on her face. “M-Me? Something for me?”

“Of course!” Shuri answers. “Surely you did not think we would show up empty handed?”

Shuri’s hand rests on your leg, both as a reminder of her very physical presence as a grounding for herself, “How foolish of me to forget. I do not know what I would do without you, my darling.”

Shuri stands, offering her hand to you as well, adding on how she will need your help to retrieve it, before escorting you from the gazebo. While on your way to exit the yard, Shuri can hear Alex giving your parents a further scolding, which makes the queen smile mischievously.

It wasn’t a complete lie for escape, however. Shuri was nice enough to buy a gift for your sister for her birthday, though it wasn’t anything massive, and despite your constant jokes of it, wasn’t a pair of kimoyo earrings (though, from Alex’s birthday outfit, she could tell that she was a jewelry girl, and a pair of earrings probably would have sufficed better).

“I’m starting to understand why you never told me about your parents,” Shuri says in a breathless scoff, pressing a button on her beads to pop open the trunk of her car, “infuriating doesn’t even begin to describe them.”

“Are you okay?” You ask in all seriousness. “The..comment about your mom, I mean.”

How could you be worried of her feelings when she’d just had to watch your mother berate you in front of her? Shuri wonders this as she turns from the open trunk of the car to face you again. Though, she supposes that from that interaction, you were more used to centering others and their emotions than yourself. Although it caused an ache in her heart, the revelation made sense of previous actions between the two of you.

“What I said was true,” the queen replies, “though I admit, perhaps there was a bite in my tongue.”

“I’m surprised you didn’t curse her out.”

“Well…I do have a promise to keep to Alex.” Shuri says in a soft laugh. “I do not want to be the cause of her birthday being ruined. Your parents are making it fairly hard to do that, however.”

Shuri closes the trunk of the car, the tiny bag holding Alex’s gift inside being set on top of it as the queen leans against the sleek black vehicle. She invites you into her embrace, pulling you between her legs and resting her hands on your hips; yours make their way onto her shoulders, a weak smile on your face.

“That’s two strikes by my count.”

“I know.”

“We have yet to even make it to dinner.”

“I know.”

“What do you want to do, beloved?”

I don’t know anymore, you think, this is all just too much.

“Let’s…stay.”

Part of you was reluctant to leave due to wanting to experience your sister’s birthday with her. You’d all but promised that you’d come to enjoy yourself with Shuri, even if your parents made that hard. But there was also an inkling of pettiness inside of you that wanted to show the assholes your parents were to the rest of your family members (who, while had suspicions of their weird behaviors and holier-than-thou rhetoric, would rather not engage in family drama to keep peace amongst the ranks). 

“I’m not letting them get the better of me,” you add on, “today is for Alex. And if they wanna make it a problem, it can be a problem.”

The look on Shuri’s face was a mix of shock and pride; she hadn’t expected you to say that, and if she were being honest with herself, she was secretly anticipating such a moment to occur. Perhaps because it would give her a chance to release the pent up frustrations that had collected within her due to your parents actions; perhaps it was because seeing you stand your ground had always been an attractive sight to her. Regardless, the small smile that spread across her face was a reflection of her hopefulness.

“One more chance, then?”

“Hopefully they make it count.”

Shuri remembers how she used to dislike family dinners.

The prospect of eating with her family irked her at a young age. Though she loved her parents and her brother dearly, her teenage self was far too absorbed in her technological advances to actively partake in the family tradition. She’d taken such a routine for granted, and now, the dinner table in the large palace she called home was barren. She barely ate there anymore, consumed by the regret of not making such precious moments a priority in her youth.

As she sits next to you at the elongated party table with the rest of your family members, she notes the same air of barrenness, but not of presence of people. It is a barrenness of love.

The behavior of certain family members began to change as the night progressed. Despite the lingering glares of your family members, many aunts and uncles approached you again, expressing their joy in seeing your presence. Perhaps it was truly the guilt that you mentioned earlier, how these extended family members were subject to the bystander syndrome, and hadn’t known how to deal with their guilty consciences for whatever reason. Perhaps these people did genuinely want to reconnect with their long lost niece, cousin, auntie. Shuri would never admit it aloud to anyone, but seeing the look of distaste upon your parents face was entertaining to say the least.

“So do you drive a space ship everywhere you go?” One of your many nephews asked the queen out of curiosity, big brown eyes and white bucked-teeth shining with glee, as he’d never seen anyone of her status before.

“Not everywhere,” Shuri answers, “only the far away places.”

“Do you go to other planets? Like Mars? Or Pluto?”

“Hmm,” the queen thinks, “I don’t think I have. I shall put that on my books and tell you about it upon my return. How does that sound, little one?”

“Awesome!”

Seeing Shuri interact with the younger children eased your tense body and racing mind. She was almost a natural with them, it seemed. You leaned into her side, your cheek squishing against her shoulder with a playful huff. “Can I have my girlfriend back, please? You’ve been askin’ her questions since we got to the table.”

“Nu-uh!” Objects the little boy. “Have not!”

“Have too, lil’ boy,” you reject, “now gon’ eat so your mama don’t yell at you.”

“Can we talk about spaceships after dinner then, Auntie Shuri?”

Shuri wasn’t sure if she should adhere to the new term, having only known the child for an hour or so, but to entertain him, she allowed it. “Sure. We can talk about spaceships after dinner.”

Thankfully, the young boy seemed to be satisfied with the compromise, and began to eat his plate of food. Shuri turns to you with an amused grin, eyebrows raised as she asks “Were you jealous of your own nephew?”

“I can be jealous if I want to,” you pout, bottom lip tucked out in protest, “lil’ shit was taking you away from me.”

Shuri laughs at your banter, both glad that you’ve somewhat relaxed, and that the evening seemed to be going well. She hoped that it would stay like this.

The clinking of metal to glass caught her attention, as well as the other partygoers. Looking towards the head of the table, Alex is standing, grasping the attention of everyone in order to speak.

“Now, we all know the reason today is such an important day, aside from the fact that it’s my birthday,” Alex begins, glancing around the table, making eye contact with each individual, “though some of the kids might not know. And since we have a newcomer with us,” she says, gesturing to Shuri, who returns a nod of acknowledgement as she speaks, “I figured now is as good of a time to talk about why we celebrate the twenty-fifth birthday of the girls in our family.”

Alex sets the glass down, clears her throat, and speaks again. “Now the story has never been written down, but anyone who has sat between Nana and Great Nana’s legs to get their hair done will know the story by heart. A generation or so before them, our family had a ‘curse’ on us girls. One of our enslaved ancestors was forced to ‘engage’ with their owner who desired a mixed child. That ancestor cursed our bloodline so that no girls would survive, and slowly our numbers began to dwindle.”

You always loved to hear this story. You were never sure why, but it had always been more than hair braiding entertainment to keep a child's attention. The raw history that your grandmother and great-grandmother passed down your line of lineage always held a special place in your heart.

“Then one thing lead to another, a generation passes, and a girl is born…and she lives old enough to run away with another slave guy she fell in love with. And that ancestor had Great Nana, who had Nana, who had mom and the aunties…who had us.”

You’d been sitting to Alex’s right when she extended her hand to you to hold. You accepted it with a warm smile. She’d done the same to your mother as well.

“Reaching twenty-five is like a right of passage. Guarantees to a long, fulfilling life. And that is what we celebrate tonight.”

There were a series of claps, cheers, whoops and hollers that erupted from the table, coming from the queen herself as well. It was indeed a remarkable retelling, she thought, and she even noticed the way that Alex posed herself as a bridge between you and your mother. She applauded the woman for still trying to reconcile, but knew that there was no hope for such a feat.

As soon as Alex sat down, your mother took a stand. “I’d like to make a toast as well.”

Shuri felt you lean just a little bit closer to her. 

“My baby, oh, what can I even say?” Your mother begins, striking up a face of pride. “You were perfect since the day I first laid eyes on you. I knew you’d be destined for greatness, and I can’t be any more proud of you than I am now. My baby girl is all grown up, and I can’t wait to see more of the outstanding woman you’ve become…”

Another round of applause echoes throughout the backyard, and Shuri breathes. Though she doesn’t trust your mother one bit, the words that came from her mouth seemed very genuine-

“...and you are more than fit to carry on this tradition. My only daughter that can.”

-nevermind.

The distant crickets could be heard as your mother took her seat again, seemingly proud of her little stunt. Perhaps she thought it was something good to say, but neither you, Alex, or Shuri saw the need for the ending.

“That ending wasn’t needed, but thank you.” Alex says through gritted teeth, a sigh leaving her lips. It was much like the older woman to need the last word, and although Alex truly hoped she would behave, her own patience was waning thin with the woman and her antics.

“We have a toast as well!”

Shuri whips her head to you, brows furrowed in confusion as she whispers, “We do?”

The words leave your lips before you can actually think about what you’re about to do. Upstaging your mother had never been something you’d acted upon, although you’d fantasized about shutting her up numerous times with your own words; the courage was just never there. Perhaps it was because now you were older, or perhaps it was because you now knew that Alex was on your side, or perhaps it was because you had Shuri next to you to back you up. Whatever it was, it began surging through your veins that once were riddled and crippled with anxiety.

Nonetheless, you’re standing up, and so is Shuri, so there isn’t any backing down now. All eyes were on you.

“Sister,” you begin, reaching your hand out Alex who stands up again to be eye level with you, “I will make this quick, ‘cuz you know I hate sappy shit.”

Alex laughs a little. Her grip on your hands is comforting, and the way she looks at you is almost in a coaching matter. She hadn’t expected such a burst of confidence either, but wasn’t about to let you face it alone.

“We’ve had our…ups and down,” you say, “and there were ‘things’ happening that I blamed you for, that I pushed you away for. But you’ve always been there. You were..the only person there.”

You feel Shuri’s hand caress the small of your back for support. You feel like crying, and you're not sure the reason for it, but you push it down and continue.

“I am grateful for you, and I’m glad I came to celebrate with you…and I love you.”

The air that was once thick when you started to speak seemed to ease when you said those last three words. And again, claps and praises flew out into the air at the confession. Alex, the much more sappier of one of the two of you, tried to keep her eyes from swelling with tears, but of course it was harder for her to do so.

“Don’t you start crying,” you say playfully through the loudness of the table, “‘cus you know if you do, then I’ma start crying, and we just gon’ be two snotty nosed bitches-”

Yet you didn’t get the chance to finish, because Alex then pulls you into her embrace. It’s tight and full of love, and she gives you no choice but to sink into it. For a second, it seems like the noise drowns out as you bask in the love from your sister, and you hear a faint ‘thank you’ being whispered into your ear right as she pulls away.

“I suppose this means it is my turn,” Shuri says sheepishly, once the embrace has finished and you’ve returned right at her side. She’d been thinking of what to day this entire time, though each scenario that she had run through her head didn’t seem worthy of a quality toast to a quality woman, “I shall try to make this toast worthy of your time, Miss Birthday Girl.”

“Sitting at this table, surrounded by all of you; it reminds me of a similar family routine that I took for granted in my youth.” Shuri’s eyes gaze from person to person as she speaks. “You see, I was too absorbed in my technological advances to truly appreciate the aspects of family dinners. The mundaneness of sitting with one another and being present. I used to want to give anything to be left to my own devices. And now, I sit at the head of the same table, with no one. I am Queen of the most powerful nation in the world, and my entire family is gone.”

Another silence fills the table as everyone looks onto Shuri; her head is held high as she speaks, though, voice unwavering. She breathes when she feels your hand slip into hers.

“Alex, you are a very blessed woman to have your family here with you to celebrate a generational obstacle overcome,” the queen bids, “and for that, I propose a toast to you, and a saying from my people to yours.”

The queen picks up her red cup, and watches as each individual picks up their own, before speaking again. “To Alex, a woman of virtue and genuity. ‘Akukho mntu ngaphandle kwesidenge ophika usapho lwakhe’.”

A round of cheers sounds before everyone downs a gulp of their chosen drinks in unison, applauding Shuri for her heartfelt toast and gratitude. As the both of you sit, and light chatter begins to cover the table, your mother calls out to Shuri with a look of curiosity.

“Such a lovely quote, Shuri,” your mother says, “what does it mean?”

“Oh, the proverb,” Shuri says, “it is one my baba used to say.”

“Did he now?”

“It means ‘No one but a fool denies their family’.”

Hearing this, your gaze shifts from the food in front of you to Shuri, who sports a proud smirk as she watches your mother grow uncomfortable in her seat from the queen’s words. As if she were putting the dots together in her own head.

With Dinner done, your nephew was all too quick to pull the queen aside to continue their conversation about her fancy spaceships. While his eagerness was endearing, Shuri had to put the conversation on hold because of an important phone call that came through. You assumed that it was Ayo, a name you had heard in fleeting conversations, but knew it to be a person of importance to Shuri. A captain of her Queen’s Guard, which Shuri had respectfully asked to fall back on attending the outing with the both of you, since it was a family thing, and Shuri didn’t want Alex’s neighbors questioning why so many bald-headed women were lingering around her house.

She said she would make the call quick, five minutes at most, before stepping into the house for quiet and privacy. The loss of her presence made you slightly anxious, but you maintained your spot in the gazebo, and Alex popped in here and there. She was the host, so she had to engage with the rest of her partygoers, but you were more than grateful that she took the time out to still check in on you, despite it being her day.

You took a sip of your drink - the adult punch that had been put in the kitchen so kids couldn’t get to it - and watched the party goers enjoy themselves from the comfort of your seat. Children running around, chasing each other with sparklers; aunties and uncles dancing to the old school remix; teens making TikTok videos with dances and skits. For a moment, things were content, and everyone was happy. Normal.

For a moment, for the first time in a long time, you felt happy with your family. 

“You’ve found this corner real comfortable, I see.”

The voice of your mother slips through he peaceful silence that previously covered the gazebo, and although you don’t feel it at first, your body begins to tense. She herself sports a red solo cup, though you can’t tell what’s inside of it. 

She doesn’t ask to join you - just takes up a single seat across from you - and even if she were to ask, you aren’t sure if you could even mutter an answer.

“It’s been so long since you’ve left,” your mother says, “since you decided you were grown enough and left your family behind. How has life been for you?”

“Good.” You reply, short and curt, taking a sip from your drink.

“You seem more than good,” she continues, “I assume living with a queen gives you a lot of financial relief-”

“If you came over here to start shit, please don’t.” You quickly cut off. “One; my relationship is of no concern to you, but Shuri doesn’t pay for shit of mine that I have. I was good before I met her, and I’m still going good on my own.”

You weren’t sure where the sudden crossness came from, but you definitely knew it had something to do with your mother’s constant mention of Shuri, as if she held prominent importance tonight and not the other child she’d birthed. “And it’s Alex’s birthday. I’m here for her.”

Your mother scoffs at your words, “-and there you go, twistin’ my words around and making me seem like the enemy. I’m just trying to talk to you!”

“Bullshit,” you spit, rising from your seat in a quick bid to find a quick exit into an area more populated, and more importantly, away from her, “I’m not doing this with you.”

You turn to try and leave, but your mother continues to speak behind you, pushing you further, “you’re so ungrateful; after everything we’ve done for you, you can’t even show an ounce of respect to your own mother.”

In that moment your body froze on the steps of the gazebo. A dull chill awakens within you, spreading through your limbs, your skin nearly rising into goosebumps, before a wave of anger crashes in.

“Fine,” you mutter, “you wanna ‘talk’?”

You turn to face your mother once again, eyes burning holes into her face, which has the audacity to hold a look of shock. “Let’s fucking talk.”

“Oh, but where to begin?” You scoff. “Maybe lets talk about how you can’t seem to ever say one good thing about me. It’s always some backhanded comment that you can’t help to point out how amazing Alex was and how shitty I was in comparison-”

“-that is not true,” your mother tries to interject, “but you were - and still are - a difficult child-”

“-I wasn’t fucking difficult!” You shout, drawing a few pairs of eyes to you and your mother. “I wanted fucking attention that you weren’t giving me! And you thought beating me was the best way to get me to ‘stop acting out’?”

“It was discipline!”

“Oh, but Alex never needed it though, right?” You question. “Alex was just so perfect to yall. She got the best of everything while your little mistake became the punching bag you took your frustrations out on!”

The increasing shouting started to draw attention from the other partygoers, who muttered among themselves, wondering the reason for the altercation, questioning if they should intervene. And it only got worse when the sound of skin slapping skin echoed throughout the backyard, making the music that played from outdoor speakers seem quiet.

Your mother, the pious, religious, righteous woman she claimed to be, just slapped you in front of the rest of your family.

“What’s going on over here?” The voice of your father bellows as he approaches the gazebo, having only made his presence known after a few gasps from seeing your mother hit you.

“I will not be disrespected by you, you ungrateful wench,” your mother seethes, “I was a damn good mother to you, even when we fell on hard times. I raised you!”

“I was a fucking kid!” You yell back. “How does a fucking adult take their anger out on their own kid!?”

“And you,” comes your voice through gritted teeth upon seeing your father coming to console your mother, which seemed to anger you even more, “dear old dad, who never ‘picked a side’. You sat there and watched as she fucked up her own kid.”

Your voice comes out more strained, wavering at the sight of your father. The man you saw treat Alex like a literal princess while you could only ever dream of being treated as such. You knew the next words you’d say were going to push his buttons - perhaps part of you wanted a reaction from him that could show that maybe, somewhere inside of him, he cared when your mother didn’t.

“If anything you’re more of a bitch than her!”

You weren’t sure what scared you more in that moment; the loud grunt and your fathers arms menacingly reaching out towards you, or the flash of black that shot across your vision right before you closed your eyes shut, anticipating something to happen.

The silence was deafening as you felt your legs stumble back into something warm but you were too scared to open your eyes yet. Of all your senses that had been stricken with tension, the first to register with reality once again was your hearing.

“I want you to think carefully about your next actions,” the queen’s voice comes out hardened and unyielding, “because I can assure you, I will not have to think about mine.”

That flash of black that had crossed your vision earlier had been Shuri. And if your eyes had been open, you yourself would have shuddered at the pure rage that was present on her face.

Shuri’s hand, albeit tiny and delicate in most cases, held your father’s wrist in a right grasp, and despite the broader man's struggles to pull free, it was futile. She was not letting him go, and neither was the intensity of her stare that held your mother’s gaze. 

“If you don’t let my husband go-”

“Shut. Up.” And her words were absolute, leaving no room for question. Perhaps it was part of the authoritarian aura that she’d gained from taking on her queenship that shut your mother up, but whatever the case may have been, Shuri admits that she certainly enjoyed the look of surprise on your mother’s face.

“Alex,” Shuri says, and it now becomes clear to you that the thing you had back into was your very sister. It also became clear how tight her grip on you was, as if she were scared to let you go, “take my beloved back to my car. We will be leaving shortly.”

There’s a gentle nudge and a hushed ‘c’mon’ before you feel yourself being moved sideways, then forward, Alex doing as Shuri says and relocating you to the front of her home to get you into a safer, calmer place.

It isn’t until Shuri sees your figure disappear behind the wooden fence that she releases your father’s wrist. The man winces as he regains control of his limb, his wife bringing her hands to soothe the skin where it was beginning to turn purple from just how tight her grasp was.

Shuri turns in a slow circle, eyes scanning each and every one of the individuals who’d stood by and undoubtedly watched the scene unfold, offering no sign of intervention. “This is what your family is?” She calls out. “It is sickening.”

The guilt shines in their eyes but Shuri has none of it. To her, they are all just as guilty as your parents, for they've watched the same scene unfold many times before, and just the same, no one stood up.

The queen turns back to your parents, as she bites the inside of her cheek to control her composure. “I do not know your story,” she says, “nor do I wish to, and now, nor do I care. I only leave you with this as I leave.”

Shuri takes a step forward to your parents, jaw clenched tight and piercing eyes meeting theirs once again. “My (Y/N) will be loved…as it is clearly something neither of you could bestow upon her.”

And in the same flash of black she leaves the party, that had long gone silent, and biting her tongue so hard she thought she’d draw blood.

Exitting the back yard, Shuri comes around the front to see you and Alex sitting on the porch steps. She holds a towel to your cheek, whispering to you with care about holding the cold, wet cloth gently on your cheek to battle the inflammation. It was the first and only thing she could grab without immediately leaving your side, the green garden hose still running into the grass proof of it.

It takes everything in Shuri not to run to you, to pull you into her arms and cradle you into her embrace, to shield you from the cruelness that has surely been brought back to the forefront of your mind. There’s a pit in her stomach that churns with the pain of unease, and it eats at her as she thinks; if she had just been swifter with that call with Ayo, or better yet, not even answered at all, then you wouldn’t have been left alone, and you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

Shuri grows closer and realizes that the both of you are crying, and her heart tightens in her chest. She bends down to meet you on eye level, resting a soothing hand on your leg. Alex holds her head in one hand, her other still grasped tightly onto your side, holding you close to her. Shuri finally understands what Alex meant when she talked about the varying levels of harm done to the sisters in their youth. You took the physical and verbal brunt, while Alex took the emotional.

“This was not suppose to happen.” Shuri hears Alex mutter, and the queen quickly cuts in before Alex has a chance to even say as such.

“It is not your fault, Alex,” the queen asserts, “you cannot be responsible for the actions of your parents.”

Alex looks up to Shuri, sniffling as their eyes connect. A beat passes before the older sister nods, though her jaw is still tight with tension. There’s a shift in Alex’s eyes, from sadness and regret, to a hardened security.

“I need to get my house in order,” she says, glancing to her side, and reluctantly peeling her arm from around your waist, “party’s officially over.”

Alex stands to do just as she intends, and as she leaves, Shuri grows closer to you. One hand rubs circles into your knee, the other one gently lifts your face up to meet hers. Your eyes are tired, likely due to adrenaline fatigue, but your body still shakes with a light tremble.

“I am taking you home.” She says, leaving no room for argument; even though, in your current state, you couldn’t refuse her if you wanted to. So when Shuri wraps her arms around you and lifts you to your feet, you all but lean into her warmth. 

And the kiss she presses into the crown of your head provides reassurance that even after the events that have unfolded, with Shuri, you will be okay.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don’t be shy to send in a request!

#black reader #black tumblr #black marvel #black mcu #marvel #mcu #marvel x reader #marvel x black!reader #mcu x reader #mcu x black!reader #black panther #black panther 2 #black panther x reader #black panther x black!reader #black panther shuri #shuri black panther #shuri #princess shuri #shuri udaku #shuri x reader #shuri x black!reader #shuri udaku x reader #shuri udaku x black!reader #princess shuri x reader

[etherealspacejelly]

INTRO POST!

Hi there! I'm EtherealSpaceJelly, aka the Ethereal Space Dad. Welcome to my blog. Feel free to take a look around!

If you're interested in seeing my fandom and fanfic posts, check out @spacejellywrites!

About Me

Name: Robin

Pronouns: he/they/it

Nationality: English

Age: 20 years old

Sexuality: gay oriented aroace

Gender: transmasc, nonbinary, genderqueer, and a demiboy. i consider my gender to essentially be "boy-type-creature", if that helps. man-adjacent, even.

Neurodivergence: i am diagnosed with adhd, and currently working on my autism diagnosis

AO3: EtherealSpaceJelly

My Interests

Doctor Who

Queen (the rock band)

MCU

FNAF

Hannibal

Good Omens

Supernatural

Star Trek

Godzilla (mostly monsterverse)

and more!

Ethereal Space Dad

I have many, many internet children (but no real life ones!!) who i adore very much. if you want to be part of the jellyfrog family feel free to send me an ask! i give pretty decent life advice, especially about lgbtq or autism/adhd stuff. i like listening to you talk about your day, your interests or achievements, or we can just be silly together! check the '#ethereal space dad' tag for all of my internet dad posts!

all i ask is that you please keep things light, dont send asks about self harm, suicide, or eating disorders (unless recovery focussed!), you need to talk to someone in real life about those things, or call a hotline.

My Tags

#inbox and #ask - answering my asks/inboxes

#ethereal space dad - answering an ask from one of my internet kids, or occasionally a post/reblog that i think embodies the space dad vibes!

#queue - posts that came from my queue

#life updates with jelly - posts where i just vent or ramble about stuff going on in my life rn

#fanfic and #fanfiction - links to my fanfics

#robin rambles about his hyperfixations - self explanatory

#space dad showcase - art that my followers/mutuals have made!

#advice - giving advice either straight from my brain or in response to an ask

#space jelly writes - my fics!

Other Stuff

No DNI, if I don't like you I'll just block you!

DMs and asks are always open, feel free to send me stuff or just pop in for a chat!

#intro post #introduction #pinned intro #autism #actually autistic #audhd #adhd #trans #lgbt #transgender #aroace

[fernsnailz]

Okay I didn't look at the read more to avoid spoilers since I kinda want to see for myself but is the writing for the knuckles series like current mcu levels of bad?

idk what's happening in current mcu since i haven't seen a marvel movie in like 5+ years, but the writing for the knuckles series is. hm. well it's not good

the dialogue varies a lot. there are some lines that are lame as hell on paper, but i think the cast does a good enough job of delivering them that they still managed to land for me. and some of the jokes i thought were pretty good in general! like actually written with a bit of thought to them! the dialogue really tanks in any "emotional" scenes because this show is very clearly focused on comedy above all else. if you're looking to actually feel anything for these characters, it's not gonna happen. they're gonna be too busy joking around to make their emotions seem real.

the actual story and plot are kinda all over the place too, there's not that many plotlines to keep track of but the number of characters (ESPECIALLY the number of antagonists) gummed things up quite a bit for me. there's a distinct lack of balance between the more action-oriented plotline and the fucking. bowling tournament. some episodes focus on just one and completely forget about the other half of the show, and it's very jarring to return back to the other plotline in the episode after.

lastly. the characters. most of the characters are very sauceless and i only ever really cared about knuckles and the funny girl scout who has like four minutes of screentime. wade is supposed to be a "loveable dumbass", but his specific type of character is one i've seen so often that i just didn't feel anything for him or his desires - which is rough, because he's essentially the main character of the show. and unfortunately, the show really under-utilizes knuckles and makes him pretty one-note a majority of the time. there's so many scenes where he's just. kinda there. like they didn't really know what to do with him.

in short. idk it's a bit all over the place and lacks much heart. there's a number of bits i enjoyed but the writing in general is not very good

#hoooo boy what a show #fernasks

[thermodynamic-comedian]

markiplier lore is queer: an essay by me.

dedicated to @system32-cleanmgr <2

so, to start things off, i wanna talk about the gender of it all. because of the gender ambiguity of the viewer insert in almost every markiplier lore video, the universe now has at least three canonical non-binary characters who go by they/them pronouns (wether these characters are all the same character, different characters, or kind of the same character is unknown).

but that's not where the gender fuckery of the better mcu ends. you see, there's also the (subtextual and mostly ignored, yes, but still relevant) overall gender fuckery of darkiplier's character. because, while they present male, they are still in some ways a combination of celine and damien, two people of opposite genders (not to mention the fact that they exist inside the body of the viewer from who killed markiplier, who's one of the formerly mentioned non-binary characters). so, while not explicit representation, i personally like to think of darkiplier as some flavor of genderfluid.

i also feel like damien and celine's specific gender expressions themselves affect darkiplier in some ways: while they're both (presumably) cis, the two still have very distinct ways of performing their respective gender identities. damien portrays a softer version of masculinity, whereas celine shows a slightly harsher femininity than what we're used to seeing in media. he's a bit clueless and sees things from an emotional, human perspective, and she's clearly used to being the rational, fast-paced one, always trying to find solutions. this dynamic might have something to do with them being siblings (and i'm assuming celine's the older of the two, purely because of all the talk of 'keeping damien safe'), and it's not inherently queer, but it is interesting to me that these characters have such specific ways of acting out their genders.

now, this one's not as important, but i would also like to mention the casual usage of they/them pronouns for other characters as well. in in space with markiplier: part 2, mark explicitly refers to the character of lady by they/them pronouns multiple times (this could also be either because they're an alien and mark doesn't know how they identify, or because their actor, lio tipton, is non-binary, but to me, that reads as somewhat solid confirmation that the character goes by they/them pronouns), and mark himself is referred to as "they" by the narrator at least once.

this isn't really a gender identity thing, but rather a gender expression thing, but i do also wanna talk about wilford warfstache and his gender non-conformativity. i do think he identifies as male, all things considered, but he doesn't seem the least bit interested in masculinity as a concept, favouring traditionally (i say traditionally, but i do mean societally, since pink used to be considered a boy color) feminine colors like pink and yellow, and being more than open to expressing his feelings and encouraging other characters to do the same.

now i'm gonna get into the sexualities. how are queer sexualities portrayed in markiplier lore?

well, that's a hard question to answer; no character has ever been (as far as i know) specifically stated to be of any sexual orientation. although there is a high possibility that wilford is pansexual, since he was clearly in love with celine, but it's implied he doesn't really care about the gender of whomever he happens to be romantically or sexually involved with at the time (i.e. him casually asking abe if they used to date, because that really is a possibility).

aside from wilford, because of the ambiguous gender of the viewer insert, a lot of characters end up being inadvertedly queer because of their attraction to them, most of them most likely falling on the m-spec.

there's also something to be said about abe the detective. is he gay or not? well, again, nothing's canon, but i think it's safe to assume he isn't straight. the "accidental" homoerotic innuendos he makes constantly seem less like a joke about being gay, and more like a joke about having repressed, sexual thoughts about someone, and having those thoughts emerge as those kinds of comments.

the "would anyone like to join me?" comment might just be will making fun of him, but i can't find it in myself to think actor mark is straight either. i guess it's just a headcanon, but let's be honest, he's every 'subtly' queer-coded old cartoon villain ever. he's rich, dramatic, petty, and vain, and frankly sometimes being evil and queer is just a fact of life.

but i'm not gonna go further into my headcanons on here, lest this post turn into a list instead of an essay, so i'll just wrap it up here. thanks for listening to my ramble.

#markiplier #markiplier cinematic universe #darkiplier #markiplier lore #iswm #ahwm #adwm #wkm #in space with markiplier #a heist with markiplier #a date with markiplier #who killed markiplier #fritz rambles too much

[sillymonsterman]

incredibly niche rant but does anyone remember that post that compares peter parker and percy jackson?

and one of the points is basically aw their both stupid when like

one- Percy isn't stupid, he doesn't do well academically yes but one of the major points of pjo is that a kid who doesn't do well in a school setting because of ADHD and dyslexia is still smart, just not suited to that situation. valuing a kid based on their academic performance is stupid i don't get how you can read percy introducing himself and come to the conclusion this kid is stupid (it's also kinda ablist)

calling percy stupid is like ?? he is constantly planning quests and attacks well and beats enemies much stronger than him by out smarting them

literally his fight with ares at the end of the first book proves that.

and two- peter is smart like, genuinely academically gifted smart. like science is a core aspect to his character even if that's downplayed in the mcu, he also outsmarts enemies bigger than him and enemies that are also science orientated (he is smarter than otto idc i have sources)

both of them are smart in the same way, approach enemies that are bigger and stronger than them and our smart them, trick them all while coming up with quips.

like they are very similar characters, similar humour, both love their girlfriends so very much, but both stupid? that can fuck off

#legally had to #pjo #percy jackson #marvel #peter parker #spiderman #does anyone know or care about this? #no #have i been thinking this for years? yes #marvel comics

[gay-jewish-bucky]

I just want to say that, while I get where it comes from, responding to the MCU mocking Steve's virginity post-serum and pre-ice with "Well, he and Bucky have been banging since the '30s," unintentionally plays into the wider social issue that drives their ridicule:

The notion that a, now "suddenly" (as said in this post, prior to the serum, Steve's virginity is irrelevant to them because of an ableist desexualisation of disabled people and our bodies), physically desirable and masculine man like Steve Rogers isn't sleeping with every woman he encounters is seen as inherently deficient and less of a man for it, that there is something fundamentally wrong with him.

It's and issue with how virginity in men is viewed by society at large.

While most articles I've found talk about this harm in relation to cisgender, heterosexual manhood (along with the double standards women often face) this is an issue that harms all genders and orientations.

Virgin-Shaming (TV Tropes):

Due to a Double Standard that emphasizes male promiscuity and female chastity, this trope more commonly applies to males than females. Virginity is seen as something silly that men need to get past as soon as possible...

Nature Abhors a Virgin (TV Tropes):

The negative attribute in question is defined very broadly. It can simply mean that they lack self-confidence, experience with women, or that they just aren't real men.

Unexpected Virgin (TV Tropes):

Due to a long-standing Double Standard, men are the most common examples of this trope. In fiction, men past puberty are often expected to have had sex.

Of Course I'm Not a Virgin (TV Tropes):

Everybody Has Lots of Sex is a concept so ubiquitous in modern western media, that the very idea that any character, for any reason, is a virgin is something that comes off as alien and bizarre. ...This trope is most common with characters who, given what other information we know about them, would have logical reasons to be a virgin.

Sex Is Cool (TV Tropes):

In the media, sex is often portrayed as "cool". If you're not having sex, then you're a snivelling misfit and a loser.

Virgin-Shaming: Having Sex Out Of Peer Pressure Robs Us Of Our Right To Choose (shethepeople):

Generally, if a person has not had their first time, they are subjected to offensive jokes about virginity. It is assumed that a person becomes ‘mature’ only when they have had sex. Otherwise, they are seen as the innocent kid of the group... Virgin-shaming is more common among men. This is because our society defines the masculinity of a man with his sexual prowess. The more sexually experienced a man is, the more masculine he is. Since men do not ‘lose’ anything if they are not a virgin, it is assumed that no rational man would say no to sex. When patriarchy has invested freedom, power and the right to complete pleasure in the hands of men, there is no reason considered valid enough for a man to deny sex, apart from some fault in him.

Sexually active women? Sluts. Virgin men? Losers. (The Strand):

Men, however, are generally far less encouraged to think out their decisions when it comes to when they’ll lose their virginity and to whom. In fact, rarely will you hear anyone refer to having “taken the virginity” of a man. Instead, men are more pressured from their compatriots to find a conquest as soon as possible to shed their virginity in order to seem more manly. For men, the pressure is quite the opposite. Once puberty hits, men are expected to become machines of sexual activity and to seek out conquests almost immediately... Why do men see the choice to abstain as so unnatural? Why do they feel the need to compare their “body counts,” as if it’s a measure of their manhood? Possibly, because men are taught that they are responsible for convincing women to sleep with them; that they’re the hunters and women are their prey. This message is hammered in by other males, as well as by pop culture.  ...The reflex to judge others for not acting as society dictates is ingrained in us from childhood, but when you question those norms, you begin to see how utterly ridiculous it is to force those views on individuals.

Stigmatized Virginity and Masculinity (DigitalCommons at The University of Nebraska - Lincoln):

Virginity status is one way to make meaning of one’s sexual identity, with individuals often viewing virginity as a gift, a stigma, or a stage in the process of growing up (Carpenter, 2001). Viewing virginity as a stigma is congruent with hegemonic masculinity and cultural-level masculine sexual scripts of using heterosexual sex to define manhood (e.g., Humphreys, 2013). 

When Having Sex Is A Requirement For Being Considered ‘A Real Man’ (Mel Magazine):

As Fleming explains, virgin-shaming is present in any social space where having sex is an implicit requirement for being considered “a real man.” ...Fleming says the virgin status is ascribed to someone and, when used as an insult, implies a failure of masculinity. Fleming’s paper tries to illuminate how certain groups subscribe to a dominant form of masculinity requiring men to objectify women and explains that being a virgin in this context means disobeying the rules of masculinity. (After all, you can’t really claim to be objectifying women if they’re not even letting you have sex with them.) In the recently published study, Fleming and Davis frame virgin shaming as a “manhood act,” one which allows men to be seen as belonging to the more privileged gender. One of the primary manhood acts, he says, is having heterosexual sex — and bragging about it. More broadly, virgin-shaming has the effect of suppressing alternative forms of masculinity that don’t necessarily place a high value on scoring with chicks; Men who act differently or hold a different kind of masculinity don’t get the opportunity to express that masculinity as much, while the dominant “hegemonic” kind endlessly gets repeated, putting down those competing masculinities. That repeats the cycle of men experiencing stigma for being virgins. The images we see in the media set the bar for what is normal and desirable. A large part of masculine protagonists in films, for example, portray an almost effortless ability in courting women. These sorts of images very easily become a model of what the pinnacle of manliness looks like, reinforcing the notion that, to be manly, one has to be “scoring” with chicks. ...What virgin-shaming could be used for, besides simply a way to look manly in comparison to someone else, was to actually bring the male virgin into conforming with the norms: essentially, to get him laid so he’s a man like the rest of the gang.

The 'Problem' of Male Virginity (Everyday Feminism):

One of the things that I’ve seen come up over and over again in the aftermath of the UCSB shooting is the number of men... talking about the shame and pain of being a male virgin. They talk about feeling broken or unworthy, that they’ve missed some sort of open time frame where they could lose their virginity and now they’re (metaphorically) screwed. It feels like everyone knows – like you’ve been branded by a giant V. One of the reasons why men tend to freak out about the idea of being a virgin – especially being a virgin past college – is that we’ve grown up in the shadow of a cultural narrative that we believe to be law. The Standard Virginity Loss Narrative tells us that men are supposed to lose their virginity by a certain age – sometimes by age 18, sometimes by 21. The earlier you lose it, the better off you are... The narrative is fiction. It’s an idealized, heteronormative, suburban middle class ideal that the vast majority of us don’t live in.  The story turns our sexual development into a performance, just as masculinity is often a performance. And just as traditional masculinity is a fragile thing, any minor deviation from the Virginity Narrative throws the whole thing into disarray. When men fail to live up to this entirely arbitrary standard, we feel not just as though we’ve failed but that we’re failures. We’re defective. Wrong. And there will be plenty of people eager to reinforce the narrative, to mock us, and tell us that this deviation from the narrative calls our masculinity into question. Just as the gender police are eager to punish people who don’t live up to the traditional definitions of manhood. It’s not really surprising, to be honest. We fetishize virginity in men and women, just in opposite ends of the spectrum... But losing his virginity, on the other hand? That’s when the world is supposed to open up for you. The coming of age narrative for men inevitably links losing one’s virginity with becoming a man.  When you cry and moan about how awful it is that you haven’t had sex yet, you contribute to the problem. You’re helping to perpetuate the idea that virgin = defect. Even when those complaints are turned inward and you’re silently castigating yourself, you are continuing to reinforce that there’s something wrong because you haven’t had sex yet. You have to learn to let go of being defensive about it or feeling embarrassed, to stop responding as though being a virgin means you’ve done something wrong or that there’s something wrong with you. It means you have to consciously reframe your own thought patterns, reminding yourself that not having had sex yet has no bearing on your value as a person no matter your age. “You’re still a virgin.” “Yes, and?” “Have you ever even seen a woman naked before? “Not yet, so?” The people who will mock you and try to shame you are of no account; they’re showing themselves to be assholes, and why should you care about the opinions of assholes? Your value doesn’t come from who you have or haven’t slept with. It doesn’t come from where you fall on the bell-curve of starting sexual activity, whether you were precocious or a late bloomer.

#marvel #mcu #steve rogers #steven grant rogers #sex and sexuality #marvel critical #mcu critical #sexism #long post

[klaineharmony]

Why We Love: Trinity (The Matrix)

I wrote a post the other day about Why We Ship Trinity and Neo, and in the course of that, I said that it would take a whole other post to talk about Trinity. And then I promised @tickety-boo-af that I would write it, so here we are. :)

I will start by saying that for a lot of us who loved these films from the beginning, I think there was a sense that Trinity was just as much the hero of the story as Neo was, or perhaps even more so. And I think Resurrections bore that out in a lot of ways - I'll get to that. There is what Trinity was (and is) to the story, and what she meant to me personally, and some of that overlaps, but not all of it. I'll try to talk about why she's important in a story sense and in a cultural sense first.

In a cultural sense, I think Trinity was very much the beginning of the strong woman action hero character on a big movie screen. Of course, these types of women have existed in comics for a long time, and we had one great example of that in the television realm when the Wonder Woman television show with Lynda Carter aired. But in the modern, 21st century, action movie sense, Trinity is the first woman character I remember who got to be fully onscreen, integral to the narrative, and just as much of a badass as the men around her. We didn't have the MCU yet. We didn't even get the first Lara Croft movie, with Angelina Jolie, for another two years after The Matrix. (Although, like in comics, there had been more representation of action-oriented women in video games up to that point, I think). Trinity was a breath of fresh air - or a whirlwind. She was so new and different for 1999! Seeing her be so uber-comptent and skilled and swift and ruthless was exhilarating in the best way.

As I said in the post about Neo and Trinity, I also don't think Trinity's importance to the narrative of The Matrix franchise can be overstated. She is the one who finds Neo, who comes to retrieve him from the Matrix, and she is the reason he becomes The One: she loves him, therefore he is The One. It is her love and support and belief that make his power possible, make it a reality.

But, Trinity is also so strong on her own terms. She is not just a support for Neo; she has been fighting for years to take down the Matrix with Morpheus and the others, and she has spent so much of her life fighting for that freedom, for herself and everyone else. I love watching her operate in the Matrix in the original fims - she has so much strength and control and absolute determination to succeed, no matter how much danger she is in. When Lexy, in Resurrections, says, "All I ever wanted to be was as fearless as Trinity," I felt that in my soul! We all wanted to be that brave and fearless, and when I was a much younger person, that felt impossible. I wasn't very brave then (though I hope I've gotten a little braver in the past 25 years), and the idea of having that kind of courage was so enthralling. I desperately wanted to be stronger and more confident in myself, and Trinity showed me it was possible.

However, the other thing I loved about Trinity (and still love) is her softness. That might seem like a contradiction, but her vulnerability with and love for Neo also meant the world to me as a young person. She is as fierce as you would expect in terms of the strength of her love for him, but when she is with him, you can see the openness and vulnerability and emotion all over her. She can be scared with him, in a way that she can't be in the Matrix (because fear, when you're inside, is a pretty swift path to death). That was important to me, too, for it showed me that you could be both - you could be strong and fearless when required, but also be soft and emotionally open with someone you loved so much, even if you had to be a strong person in the rest of your life. That was a rare sort of portrayal in the late '90s and early '00s, and I would go so far as to say it's still pretty rare now. (It's one of the amazing things about Keanu Reeves' portrayal of Neo, as well - he is always open and vulnerable with her, in a way he is with no one else).

Moreover, I think one of the amazing things about Resurrections is that so much of the story is Trinity's story. We see her take front and center in a way that feels completely natural - Lana gives us the conclusion we had all reached ages ago, which is that Trinity is the center of Neo's heart and abilities, and therefore the center around which the whole story revolves. We finally get to see her access her powers to their full extent, and they are just as fearsome and amazing as Neo's ever were.

I also love that Trinity is the one who helps Neo find his powers again; before she is freed in Resurrections, Neo's love for her is the only thing that lets him access his power as The One, and after Trinity has been saved again by Neo and the crew, we see her fly before we see Neo fly with her, at the very end. The implication is that her belief in herself and in Neo is stronger than his, at this point in their lives - and no wonder, when Neo has essentially been told he's crazy and mentally unstable for six decades. She helps him find himself again, supporting him with all the love and belief she's always had, while stepping forward and taking her own share of being part of The One. She finally has her own full (and immense) powers by the end of Resurrections, and by the Goddess, she is going to use them to fix as much of the Matrix and the real world as she possibly can. I love that for her, and for us - that we finally got all of the Trinity we all saw from the beginning. There's a franchise-long arc there abour her belief in herself, too - she always thinks, in the earlier films, that she is more expendable and not as powerful as Neo, and I think in Resurrections we finally see that shift. We've always known she is just as powerful as he is, and by the end of Resurrections she knows it too, and embraces it.

I'm so grateful Trinity exists, in so many ways. She means the world to me, for her strength and bravery and and vulnerability and her immense ability to love, in addition to her awe-inspiring fighting skills. I'm grateful to Carrie-Anne for giving her to us. I'm grateful that Trinity reminds us all that one can cultivate strength and power, one can learn to be brave in the face of immense odds, and one can love with one's whole heart and soul, all at the same time.

#The Matrix #Trinity #Why We Love #NeoTrin

[brsb4hls]

Long rant about Lokis sexual orientation and representation, comics- and show-wise:

Marvel comic fans please correct me if I am wrong btw, I haven't read everything and might have missed vital stuff!

Afaik Loki only came out as bi/pan in 'Young Avengers' which isn't that long ago and it's also ikol Loki, not classic Loki.

Classic Loki was never confirmed as anything other than straight, right? (If not, point me to it, I'd be hyped).

Loki being genderfluid started in 'Agent of Asgard.' Also fairly recent and the 'new' Loki.

(I'm not counting 'Lady Loki' since that was just body snatching for nefarious purposes).

And I do not recall Loki ever being in a relationship with a man or even kissing a man.

We see his ex lovers including different genders and species in the last 'pride' issue, but there is no story that connects to that.

I only remember female crushes and 'relationships' of sorts.

(Kid Loki and Leah, Loki and Amora in 'Axis', Zelma when Loki's sorcerer supreme. Classic Loki Sigyn of course and Lorelei).

So while the comics do pretty good in regards to Loki's genderfluidity (even including it in Thor issues, which usually have a different target audience), there is next to nothing in regards to his sexual orientation.

Only lip service. Just like in the show.

Just saying.

So what makes people think a Disney show would do better? Theres money involved folks! And a spoken line can be way easier ignored then a visual.

(Hence why things like onscreen kisses are actually important for representation, because in a heteronormative world a lot of people will not recognize a queer couple unless it is burnt into their retinas).

Loki is among the most popular MCU characters (somewhere in the top 10 I think).

He sells merch.

They probs use him as a literal deus ex machina in Avengers 6.

Making him kiss a dude on screen is basically burning money and will make Disney lose entire markets.

It's not that I'm happy about that, I would have loved to have that rumored montage at the beginning of season 1 visually confirming his bisexuality, but it didn't happen.

(Full disclosure, I am so not into Lokius, so for me it should have been another guy).

Heron had to fight for that one line and had Russell T. Davies make fun of it.

So if you actually want more representation, support independent shows.

Not saying you can't also enjoy the MCU, (I am on here doing that very openly and I try not to be a hypocrite), but it wont give you anything, no matter how hard you push.

This might be a bit depressing, but I am being realistic. There is more queer media now, but also more and more people complaining about it, because they cannot stand having the privilege of being the only ones catered to taken away from them.

#loki #loki marvel #loki comics #loki series #queer representation #queer rep in media #marvel mcu #mcu #mcu loki

[dls-ao3]

Rules: List the First Line of your last 10 (posted) fics and see if there's a pattern!

Tagged by @ladyvaderpixetc! This looks fun though I'm mildly concerned by what pattern this may reveal or if there's a pattern at all.

Ever since Joe was little, he has known that he will be an athlete. How could he not, with a family like his? 

Ever since he started playing football, Ja'Marr has felt like he was holding his breath for the big moment that will define his life - a game-winning touchdown, a Natty trophy, an NFL jersey as he stands on the podium on draft night. 

Ja'Marr decides on LSU after tuning out all the noise, getting a good night's sleep, and listening to his heart.

It starts, like most things in Ja'Marr's life, because of Joe. 

Joe feels like he's burning up. 

Joe. 

Pop.  

In hindsight, Geralt should have taken the truck instead of Roach to bring Ciri to her kindergarten orientation. 

"Jaskier..." Geralt reaches for him, cupping his cheek with a calloused palm. 

Geralt shifts in the chair. 

So right away, I noticed the mirroring opening lines between #1 and #2 and between #6 and #7 - which makes sense as those are companion fics.

#1-7 are all Joe/Ja'Marr fics because once I get into a fandom, I really get into it. No, like, seriously. There are 30 fics tagged with Joe/Ja'Marr and I've written 7 of them!

#8-10 are Geralt/Jaskier and I find that I tend to write in Geralt's POV more. It's also been a while since my last Witcher fic, which was completed in 2020. Still undecided about the new season and the new Geralt...

One thing I've noticed is that I tend to write in the POV of the character who needs the emotional development to make the character I'm fond of happy.

For example, I am very fond of Jaskier and Geralt needs to realize Jaskier is an incredible person who either deserves better than what Geralt has given him or deserves all the loving care Geralt can give. Or both!

Another example is Tony Stark, who I also adore and wrote mostly in his POV when I was active in the MCU fandom. I wrote in his POV because Tony needs to work on himself to realize he deserves better than what the MCU has given him. Writing in his POV lets me track his emotional development and his joy when he experiences what friendship and teamwork should be.

Tagging @arboreal-elm-ash-oak who is the only person aside from @ladyvaderpixetc that's still semi-active on here. Feel free to participate if this somehow finds its way to you though!

#writing

[drgnrder82]

What makes ROTTMNT Movie hit so hard

Bear with me: I'm working with a friend on a presentation about the Heroines Journey vs the Heroes Journey for writers.

As long time fans of ROTTMNT know, it hit different than the other TMNT series. All TMNT series are found family, but the interaction of the brothers and splinter in Rise was different (I won't go into that because we all have our opinions).

The Heroes Journey is lonely, a solitary hero seeking something for himself (i.e. revenge or something akin). Solo superhero movies, in particular, at the beginning of the MCU are very oriented on the Heroes Journey (Iron Man, Captain America, Thor, before they band together in the Heroine's journey, I mean Avengers).

But many times a found family story falls within the Heroine's Journey. The Heroine's journey is not just a female telling of the Heroes Journey, but something much more. (I won't dive into all the details but you'll get a few). One explanation, Murdock's, stated that the Heroine Journey is about 'healing of the wounding of the feminine that exists deep within her and her culture'. Tell me that isn't Leo in this movie. Many of the stories of TMNT deal with healing. Another quote is "The feminine journey is about going down deep into soul, healing and reclaiming..." In this story in particular, we see that until Leo heals, and therefore through his healing the other brothers as well, they can reclaim their power.

We even see the beats of Murdock's version of the heroine journey:

Shift from feminine to masculine: Leo tries to save the day (he divides himself from his brothers to be the best and be a hero, he is still tied to his family)

Identification wtih masculine: Leo works harder and harder at each failure to be a hero. He takes his brothers to the tower and they fail again for a bit like Leo failed earlier. He won't listen, he tries to be a hero. Which is also part of the round of trials. These are his obstacles culminating in Casey chewing him out.

I can keep going, but the beats match up. The more Leo leans into being a hero (which is solitary) the more he fails.

But ROTTMNT hits different than the other TMNT series and movies (to be fair they all hit different and all have their pluses and minuses). Visually, we all agree it was STUNNING. But more so, we see a very different version of Leo. Leonardo has traditionally been characterized as a confident leader (though he is still learning from Splinter and many times feels like a failure when something goes wrong).

Here, Leo isn't even the leader at the time. Raph is, but he went off to be a hero and because of that his brother is hurt/captured and now must take the mantle as leader when he hadn't been one before. Leo admits and faces his vulnerabilities more than once through the movie in a setting where lightheartedness has been the primary tone.

Leo's journey hits different in this movie than others because, to me, it's the most vulnerable we've seen him. Yes, when Leo is thrown through the window in 2003 and 2k12 and such, Leo is physically and emotionally vulnerable, but it is depicted many times as a solitary depression (inward emotion instead of an outward emotion like crying).

And for me... that was huge. The outward emotion. Yes it has happened before but between the animation and ALL THE BROTHERS emotions on their sleeves, this movie really hits the beats with a hammer to the heart.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#rottmnt #rise of the tmnt movie #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt movie #rottmnt movie spoilers #rottmnt donnie #rottmnt mikey #rottmnt raph #rottmnt leo

[wandasaura]

you mentioned that Carol and Maria are doms but do they have subs? I'm imagining (is that how you spell it? it looks weird) a little submissive playdate where they can have fun in the pool with reader and then both curl up in their dom's lap once they are all tired out🤗

˚⋆。°౨ৎ ooh i would think that they don't. more casual hookups but i imagine them very similiar to how they appear in the mcu (work oriented, always busy, etc.) but i can so build of this idea with having them around wandanat in a... less innocent way ;) ౨ৎ °。⋆˚

#yail: asks #a: anon #answered. #𝒶𝒸𝒸𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈 ꔫ

[lizthewriter]

💖!! Please !! (MCU)

Name: Lydia

Sexual orientation: panromantic (asexual but with a high sex drive - we do in fact exist)

Hobbies/interests: reading, writing, colouring. When I write I write fanfic cause I’m a huge fan girl - don’t know if that’s note worthy.

Ambivert

Around friends I’m really open - especially with my sexuality because I’m coming to grips with that and they make me feel safe. I crack a lot of jokes and I’m quite flirty. I’m always outwardly grateful around my friends. I like to express that I love them and am grateful for them whenever I can.

Other details 🧐

I loveee my sleep. I’m absolutely a night owl so I spend my time awake at night and enjoy a good sleep in, in the morning.

I’m physically affectionate and adore cuddling. I absolutely love to be held - maybe I’m a little touched starved. I’m definitely very needy and clingy. I’m very much aware. In romantic relationships I absolutely adore my partner and express it often. I express my love through physical touch, words of affirmation and gifts I mean and acts of service. I’m basically a little of everything. My love is very well rounded in terms of how I express it - I enjoy taking care of people and making them feel good.

Huge super hero fan and science fiction fan. Star Wars and DC are my holy grails (I’m a huge fan of marvel obviously but nothing comes above DC and Star Wars for me lol they’re my special interests.)

I study health and social care at college and want to be an adoption social worker.

Hope that was enough <3

thanks lydia, that was perfect!!! you are the first person to play my request game, so thank you very much <333 here we go:

after reading your bio multiple times and making many assessments in my head over the course of a few hours, i think that i've come to the desicion that you would most definitely mesh well with peter parker. peter, of course, is also a huge star wars fan (dc second, star wars first, so i feel that's something the two of you could bond over. he also loves people who are kind and compassionate, so i feel he'd definitely fall for someone like you, who wants to be an adoption social worker (a very admirable job by the way, kudos to you!) and while peter is a morning person, i find that opposites (in this scenario) do attract!! peter loves hugs and cuddles, loves physical affection, however might be a little hesitant to accept gifts considering that he was raised poor and refuses help from others.

how do i see the two of you getting together? i can readily imagine you falling asleep in an early morning class - you weren't able to get into the section you wanted, so you had to enroll in an earlier class you REALLY didn't want to go to. peter has been your deskmate for a while and the two of you had made small talk every once in a while after class. peter wakes you up at the end of class and hands you a page of handwritten notes. "here. you looked really tired so i took some notes for you while you slept. see you next time!" he would leave with an awkward wave and friendly smile. slowly, the two of you start to grow closer. bonding after class, grabbing coffee or breakfast, talking about your hobbies and interests. you said you're flirty, so i think peter would definitely be flustered when you flirt with him. you would have to be the one to approach the topic of dating, but once you do, everything changes. you hand out almost everyday, watching movies, reading, studying, building LEGOS (if that's something you're interested in), and stealing free food from the events on campus. he would love the nights that you could cuddle up on the couch together and pop in empire strikes back or the quiet study sessions you spend together where you pretend to not catch him glimpsing at you with wide "oh my god i can't believe their mine" eyes. overall, i think it would be a very wholesome, sweet, loving, HEALTHY relationship.

i hope you liked this 😭😭😭

#— [ glizzy posts ☆ ] #peter parker #my writing #fanfiction #my fanfiction #writing #my fic #fanfic #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you

[leannareneehieber]

So proud of my collaborator & business partner Thom for this very important essay via Reactor on the Marvel Cinematic Universe's Madripoor, a fictional city they've now set in Indonesia. Please read, please share & learn some history from a member of the Indonesian diaspora who beautifully weaves in his own family's difficult life experiences into this article about how Southeast Asia is depicted.

Please share, because I didn't know the Indonesian history Thom shares here and I find that tragic. Learn something new today!

#marvel #marvel mcu #mcu #comics #indonesia #indonesian #history #diaspora #southeast asia #southeast asian history #archipelago #personal essay #essay #essay writing #discussion #academics #narrative #orientalism #media critique #commentary #diversity #wwii history #wolverine: madripoor knights #madripoor #orientalist #internment camp

[bookshelfdreams]

Opening discussion to the class: The juxtaposition of 'whippies', an entire scene devoted to Calico Jack's very specific brand of procribed masculinity, then direct cut to Frenchie and Wee John working on their room blueprints to "design [their] sanctum. [Their] space. No rules. It can be whatever [they] want it to be."

hmmm. very good.

I like the way you put this, "prescribed masculinity"( I'm assuming that's what you mean anyway, pls correct me if I'm wrong). Because that's what this specific brand of hypermasculinity Jack is performing really is; a set of very strict rules one has to follow to be considered a "real" man. There's a great essay by @mathildia that deals with the oxymoron of performative masculinity (as concerning Steve Rogers, so cw for the MCU lmao) where they say

But performative masculinity has a tension to it that performative femininity does not, because performing itself is seen as innately unmasculine. You cannot learn to be a real man, you are or you are not. You can’t make one or learn to be one. Because our story about masculinity is that it just is. It is an ur state of being. The most natural way for a human to be.

I read this in 2015 and haven't stopped thinking about it since.

You're right, Jack's whip is the epitome of his masculinity (a little unorthodox for a metaphorical dick but it makes sense in context). Jack is seen doing tricks with it. He's performing to look cool. Nothing about his masculinity is easy or natural; he may put on a veneer of "I don't give a shit" but he cares about how he is perceived, he very deliberately influences and manipulates the way people see him.

But the un-performability of masculinity means he cannot acknowledge the effort he puts into all this. he puts the whip in Olu's hand and expects him to hit a cup on the Swede's head, despite Olu saying he's never done this before. It's no coincidence that it is kind, gentle, caring, emotionally aware, community-oriented Olu, specifically, who is put on the spot like this.

Show me you're a real man, Jack says, as if he'd be able to insult Olu's masculinity.

ofmd turns the juxtaposition of performance and masculinity on it's head, because ofmd is aware of something the MCU will never understand: You do not have to fit in the gender box because there is no box. If you're a man, everything you do will automatically be manly; there is no wrong way to be a man.

Wee John especially is a really good example of this, because he's a deconstruction of that character trope, where the big, strong guy is really a sensitive soul, maybe slightly cowardly, with "unmasculine" hobbies or interests. This is also usually the Fat Guy, because fatness is seen as degendering; a fat man is inherently not a "real man" (in media!! I want to empathize that I think this trope is very stupid). And Wee John falls into this, kinda; he's sometimes seen with this little doll, he cries about Pinocchio, he used to make dresses with his mum. But. It's never a Thing. It never stands out all that much, because obviously the whole crew is Like That.

The room is "anything they want it to be", yes. But it's not about having a space to be yourself, because Frenchie and Wee John (and everyone else) constantly are themselves. It's about the luxury of privacy, not about finding a place where you can embrace your authentic self. They are not trapped in a gender prison of their own making.

Jack, for all his posturing and hall his swagger and for all the ferocity with which he swings both his metaphorical and literal dick around, is deeply, desperately unhappy. The crying about being marooned is just to antagonize Stede; but we are all social animals. One of the ways in which men are lied to is by being told that vulnerability, genuine connections, trust and openness are "unmanly"; will be their unmaking. Jack plays a grimdark Lone Ranger of the Caribbean and he thinks it makes him the ultimate man, that it makes him indestructable and heroic. But it just makes him lonely, and it is ultimately his undoing.

Now I would like to turn this over to the rest of the class :)

#that was as usual meandering and unstructured but hopefully there's something interesting in here for you <3 #the way they deal w masculinity esp in comparison w other media properties is SO interesting to me like #dont even get me started on the hair XD #our flag means death #thoughts #seaglassandeelgrass #message

[impossibleprincess35]

[20 Question Fic Writer Tag]

Hey, I got tagged twice. Thanks @yourfavoritefridge and @miserableandmagical94! <3

How many works do you have on AO3? Only nine, ten tomorrow, but I feel like I'm a n00b as I just got back into writing fic this past spring.

What is your AO3 word count? 376,550

What fandoms do you write for? Mainly Star Wars. I'm kind of obsessed at the moment. Like, I've gone down the SW rabbit hole and I kinda love it here.

What are your top five fics by kudos? Asphodel: 168 The Echo and the Stain: 50 Peace: 42 Hard Candy: 25 La Cantina de Bloomita: 21

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I totally do. I cherish every kudos, every bookmark, every subscription, and every comment on my stories, because no one is obligated to interact at all. The fact that people take the time to do it? I want you to know I see you and I appreciate you. You could be doing a billion other things with your spare time, but you chose to read my new chapter? and then you took the time to tell me what you thought?! I adore you.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? In Vain. Obi-Wan goes to Kalevala in search of something to feel close to Satine in the wake of Order 66. I remember writing it and being like, "Well, this is fucking depressing."

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Peace. Satine gives birth to Korkie with Obi-Wan right there with her, and it's just fluff and love and newborn baby sweetness.

Do you get hate on fics? Occasionally, I get some kind of comment that implies that I have grossly misunderstood the Obi-Wan/Satine characters, and I just shrug it off. Some people don't like my version of their year on the run because they're annoying eighteen year olds, and I suppose all of us were our best selves at 18? And some of the feedback I've heard on Asphodel makes it sound like I've turned Satine into a Space Thot or something, like she's DTF with everyone in the galaxy. For the most part, though, the feedback I've gotten is amazing, so I keep doing what I'm doing.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? Yes, I dabble in the smut. In Asphodel, it's very much a romantic thing. There's occasionally a little bit of gratuitous smut, but I'd say 95% of the time, the smut scenes are pivotal to the story and give you more insight into their characters and how emotionally tied to one another they are. Maybe I could illustrate those emotional ties through dangerous experiences, but that's what I'm doing in my year on the run story, so.. romantic sex it is. ;)

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I haven't attempted this yet. I feel like my brain would explode if I tried a crossover.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? No, and I fear this ever happening. I'm mean and vindictive. My Aries moon is a bitch.

Have you ever had a fic translated? No, but this would be so cool. What a huge compliment, right?

Have you ever cowritten a fic before? Nope, haven't done this yet, but I'd be open to it in the future.

What's your all-time favorite ship? It's a tie between Steggy (MCU) and Obitine (SW). I'll just admit this right here and right now, at the end of Endgame, I sobbed. For two hours. TWO HOURS. My husband has video of me in the car leaving the theater and I'm crying like a crazy person because Steggy got their happy ending. I was so deep into that "doomed by the narrative" ship that I never thought it would happen, so when it did, I basically lost my mind and embarrassed myself in front of all our friends. But I own it. I will love them forever. I'm almost as crazy over Obitine.

What's a WIP you'd like to finish but doubt you ever will? Shhh, don't say that. I'm finishing them all.

What are your writing strengths? I'm really not sure. I mean, I like my writing. I like my stories. I write for me, so it's all good. Someone wanna tell me what my strengths are? Maybe it's the details. I think I'm detail oriented.

What are your writing weaknesses? I'm long winded. If I could cut my chapters back to 3K words a piece, I think my stories would hit a wider audience and I would probably sleep better at night, but c'est la vie.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Never say never, but it's unlikely. For me to sit and try to figure out the linguistics of Mando'a alone, look, I'm old. I got 2 kids. I'm a class mom. I have a job. I have a caffeine dependency. I have migraines. I'll leave that to the pros. I'm just over here fucking around trying to let Obi-Wan and Satine have a few orgasms and some romance before the galaxy goes to shit around them, y'know?

First fandom you wrote for? Ever?! I used to write Hanson fics when I was in middle school with an Angelcities website, and I was in a little online club called Hanson Hoes. "Do not cite the deep magic to me, witch. I was there when it was written." (Aside from that, definitely SW.)

Favorite fic you've ever written? It's gonna be Asphodel. It's my baby. I love it so much and I'm so proud of it.

Now, for who to tag.. here we go! @jelly-opal and @scottysketches! (If you've already done this, please disregard. My bad.)

#fanfic #fanfic authors