#(and the reason he hesitates to Express love in straightforward terms)

[yvnaology]

˖  ݁ . ࿓ LAPSE OF JUDGEMENT ( NEUVILLETTE. )

[ ✐ᝰ REQ. 01 ] FONTINALIA FILM FESTIVAL !

🎬 premise. neuvillette x gn! reader, angst (breakup), falling out of love.. or not, inspired by the navia confrontation scene with neuvillette (slight archon quest spoilers), dialogues chosen are in bold. thank you so much to @k4zushi for requesting ! ! 1.4k words, first time writing angst in a year.. oh em gee.

[ REQUEST : “you, of all people? don’t make me laugh” + “hurting you is the last thing i wanted to do” using scenario #14 (breakup) with neuvillette. ]

A relationship with the chief justice is what most would call a commendable achievement, namely because of how dishonest the sentence “I’m in a relationship with Neuvillette” sounds. Making such a likely false claim would result in people raising their eyebrows and labeling you a liar, thus making a relationship with the chief justice a commendable achievement.

It is for this reason that you believed that the majority of people were left in the dark.

As long as you had the words etched on your tongue, your composure hung by a thread. Each fawning individual's comment left your heart sinking, knowing you could have avoided it if you had simply spoken up. It was expected at the very least that rumors would circulate among a large number of friends.

It's impossible for them not to? In possession of your heart, he could mold and use it as he wished. With a trade like that, his heart is naturally yours, isn't it? For every eye there is a heart, for every heart there is a soul.

What was the reason for his detachment from you when you visited Palais Mermonia? Your eyes expressed yearning. Every hug and kiss behind closed doors left your knees weak, your stomach churning for all the right reasons. his emanating warmth was the solace you desperately longed for until not even that soothed your soul - until he was stiff and hesitant. These qualities were ones that didn’t suit him, ones that the people of Fontaine stitched in his name. His firmness assured them of his decisions in court. Could the same be said outside of the Opera Epiclese?

(piercing, unnerving, steadied, a perfect description for the man you wished was by your side forever more - not a drop of the love he once held for you was in his everlasting embrace that night.)

You woke up alone that morning.

He was careful, too careful - you once thought he was avoiding listening to his inner desires for your sake, but such caution led into your shared home and it irked you to no end.

Your nerves halted you from entering his office the next morning. His gradual shift in behavior made your stomach churn for all the wrong reasons. It wasn’t as if he turned cruel. His pacifism and golden heart remained the same - it was the slip of his heart you held in your hands that terrified you. Terrified that eventually that very same heart would no longer be yours to cherish.

His “good morning, dearest.” sounded slightly forced, your mind running a thousand miles per second - your chest felt tight. You only hoped it was your mind playing a remorseless trick on you, that you were merely overthinking. A figment of your imagination was all that it was, surely.

(a woven thread of tall tales, that’s what people would describe your relationship as. a delusion, a greedy passion, a fragment of what you could hope was verity.)

“Good morning.” Neuvillette greeted upon the rising of the sun, orange-colored skies reflecting the joy you’d feel whenever he’d welcome you into a new day. The joy you once felt. But the smallest detail left your heart deflating. He didn’t call you the name that rolled off of his tongue so fondly, the term of endearment that left you giddy and smiling for the rest of the day.

“No ‘dearest’ this time?” you had the audacity to ask, immediately regretting it upon seeing his contemplative expression. Your question must’ve been too straightforward with how prolonged the silence was.

He removed his hand from his chin, gently taking your own - brushing his thumb on your knuckles with the gentle curve of his lips. “Ah, apologies dearest. I hope you can forgive me, it was a mere oversight on my part.”

A cloud of utter terror loomed over your head when short sentences turned into one-word responses. “I apologize, it will not occur again.” he promised, he swore - pretty little lies and a loss of emotion in his voice. He exhausted the last drop of his love on the term of endearment those many mornings ago.

People were beginning to chatter, with you two being the main characters in a story that was coming to an abrupt halt. A conclusion you wouldn’t dare reach for, prolonging the ending chapter until it was a mere monodrama. It ached, the myriad of negative thoughts injected into your brain - unable to make sense of it all. Where did it all go wrong?

The left side of your shared bed was empty, slowly turning cold because of the lack of heat. You could hear the sky wailing, water hitting the window you both used to gaze through; usually met with a soft kiss and the rubbing of your knuckles with his thumb. Whether your eyes stayed glued to the stars or your mouth moved to start intriguing conversations - he paid utmost attention to your every word, hanging onto them as if embedding them in his memory.

It’s unbelievable to think that you ended up with no tears left to cry - all because you prolonged something that was supposed to end a while ago.

Your heart clenched. Your soul was wavering, and your bottom lip was quivering at the sight of him. You held on too tightly, keeping a kite from reaching the clouds - keeping Neuvillette in a relationship he barely seemed to have any interest in. It seethed like marks on the skin, burned like blue flames, it was only a matter of time until you crumbled.

“Hurting you is the last thing I wanted to do.”

Your voice cracked at the sound of his voice, holding back swirling emotions that made your heart sink even lower. “Do you even love me anymore?”

“…yes, I do.” he firmly replied, yet with how much time it took him to formulate a response - you believed otherwise.

“you hesitated.”

Two words were all it took. It was enough for your mind to come to an answer for all of your questions. He was just as confused as you were.

“You don’t even know the answer, do you?”

Like a sharp blade, your words cut through even the strongest iron - the addition of the bitterness in your tone, not from resentment, but from despair, was as surprising to him as it was for you. How could he not see your eyes, full of emotion, inquiries, and everlasting devotion that you held for him despite the current circumstances?

“..I’m absolutely certain, I know I truly do harbor these feelings towards you—”

“You, of all people? Don’t make me laugh.”

Bubbling like a volcano about to erupt, you wasted no time in telling him exactly how he felt. “You don’t know, Neuvillette - you’re trying to spare my feelings by telling me what I want to hear.”

For once, he had nothing more to add. You had caught him in his web of utter uncertainty, “just please.. don’t lie to me anymore.” You pleaded, for the truth was the harshest justice - both of you were aware of this fact.

“do you love me, Neuvillette?”

An impending separation was created with this question, a sentence too cruel to bear - intertwined souls unlinking as his heart continued to slip out of your grasp. “No, i do not.. I'm sorry.”

You no longer held onto naive beliefs, watching as the heart you once held close to your chest fell to the ground.

With a sigh, he stepped forward - only for you to step back, a pool of fresh, hot tears forming in your eyes. “I never meant for things to turn out this way.”

“We should break up.” Hitting the nail on the coffin, it was all you could utter through your clouded gaze. It seemed like he concealed everything he truly felt with his unnerving expression. Were the people of Fontaine truthful about the words they described him as?

The moment you stepped out of palais mermonia, it felt as if the clouds were sobbing alongside you - pouring rain staining your clothing as you succumbed to the water that enveloped your figure. it was over.

He hoped that this wasn’t a lapse of judgment, that his decision would pave a way for you - a path free from the impending disaster that would’ve occurred if he continued to pull you close, whispering loving words in your ears as you drifted off from the mere sound of his voice. That night, he felt a substance trickle down his cheek. “..I’m sorry, dearest.”

TAGLIST. @rainswept @ryuryuryuyurboat @boykissr @aventurne @princess-syalis @kyoiki ( taglist ↲ click link to sign up! )

#neuvillette x reader #—stellaronhvnters. #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin x y/n #astronetwrk #genshin x you #genshin x gender neutral reader #neuvillette x you #neuvillette x y/n #genshin imagines #genshin fanfic

[gillianthecat]

Way sobbing alone in his car is breaking my heart. Nut is so expressive.

I'm glad we got these two scenes—his half confession to Babe at the bar, and his golden-hued memories of their relationship—because I feel like understand Way better. If that was how he and Babe interacted all those years, I can see why he thought they were on the friend-to-lovers track. We know Babe flirts with him, easy as breathing. He put his amulet around Way's neck when Way asked for it! I'm still curious about the details of why he was too scared to confess, but emotionally it makes more sense now.

What I still don't understand is what he was doing with his magic manipulation powers. Maybe I'm swayed by Nut's beauty, but it feels out of character for everything else we've seen from him, which is to quietly pine. And why would he enchant Babe into remaining single instead of into falling in love with him? Did that seem like a bridge too far, like it would be ethical to block other relationships but not to do a love spell?

And on a technical level, it didn't even work! Babe fell in love anyway. I was getting annoyed that the show had dropped the thread on this entirely, so I was relieved (on a narrative structure level) when Way made a tentative, aborted motion to enchant him again, in their last conversation. And on a character level, I was relieved that he was so hesitant about it. Perhaps it was something he did only rarely, when he felt most desperate.

Will we get answers to any of these questions?nWho knows.

Speaking of not getting answers, the show still hasn't given us any insight into what Charlie and Jeff are up to. We no longer even have the scenes of them talking, or the moments Charlie's mask slips; both of them seem fully committed to their roles. If I hadn't seen the early episodes I would think it a straightforward love story.

It's an interesting approach to storytelling, revealing the secret early on and then falling so completely into the point of view of the characters being fooled that the secret isn't even hinted at. It could work really well if handled correctly. Fingers crossed that they manage it.

Presumably his duplicity and manipulation will get revealed eventually, but when? And will it be a good reason?

Charlie is a blank slate of a character right now, given that we don't know which parts of what we see of him are real, or indeed if any of it is. This could work, in terms of storytelling, if in the second half they flay him open and we get to see what makes him tick. Please give that to us, Pit Babe.

(I don't watch the preview at the end of the episodes, so perhaps I would already know some of these answers if I did.)

#pit babe #gillianthecat liveblogs bl #pit babe ep 6 #pit babe the series

[qtipcottonbuds]

𝙏𝙊𝘿𝙊𝙍𝙊𝙆𝙄 𝙃𝙀𝘼𝘿𝘾𝘼𝙉𝙊𝙉𝙎.

you can find bakugou’s and iida’s parts here !!

second installment of the said anon request, this time with shoto !!

submitted request ;; can i get some headcanons with iida, todoroki, and bakugo? im a lonely bitch

warnings ;; none really. just sort of softish/angsty headcanon thingbobs, and a aged up shoto todoroki !!

by qtipcottonbuds 2022. do not repost.

𝗧𝗢𝗗𝗢𝗥𝗢𝗞𝗜 𝗫 𝗚𝗡!𝗥𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗘𝗥;

RELUCTANT AT FIRST, HE THRIVES ON PHYSICAL AFFIRMATION ;; 

Similar to Katsuki, I definitely feel Shouto values touch more than anything when it comes to reassurance (that’s not to say he isn’t a good conversationalist, he knows how to communicate, albeit with those who he feels he can wholly let his guard down with, without judgement).

With physical affirmation too, in the initial stages of a budding relationship with you, I feel he’d be hesitant of coming across too forward - even with the simplest of touches, making sure he doesn’t make you uncomfortable in the slightest. This is a bit more of an analysis, but I feel too, his reasonings for behaving this way would be purely rooted to his upbringing.

He always had the capabilities of being affectionate with touch, with anyone he cared about - but, again, due to his upbringing, it was most likely a case of that being shunned upon entirely, and stunting that need to actively reach out for comfort in fear of rejection. When within his element, and in a environment he feels safe in, Shouto will be nothing more than straightforward with his love language; almost a way using your presence to ground himself, that you and him are both real - that what you have is real.

HIS PATIENCE IS A REAL VIRTUE ;; 

Although he might not be as expressive with his words either, rather being direct, and not beating around the bush, he understands that healing does take time. And, there isn’t always a finite timer on said healing - he knows that better than most, and is still in the process of recovering from his childhood. Yet, the patience and devotion he has towards your problems and struggles may become a means for him to gradually forget about his own issues.

It’s not that he doesn’t value your input into giving him clarity, or your trust of supporting him when he needs it most, but, having been so self-reliant on medicating his own emotional wellbeing in a household with no one to really reach out to, his independence will come in waves.

Still occassionally stuck in the mindset that his needs will always come second, even if he logically knows that’s not the case. But, he will tell you when he is ready to, whatever it may be.

KISSES ARE NEVERENDING, CONSTANT ;; 

I feel he’d be more comfortable with kisses pressed against your cheeks, the corner of your lips and more often than not, against your lips. Gentle, chaste. But, he can’t get enough. It’s simplistic. But, to him, the naturalness of it, and the domesticity that comes with it - that’s what Shouto really values. Possibly too, I’d think he’d be the sort of person to press his forehead against yours, regardless if it’s in the middle of a hot summer and sweating profusely - eye contact is his means of facial expression, above all else.

INITIALLY, HE MAY BE VERY OBLIVIOUS ;; 

In terms of crushes, I feel with him in particular, it would be inbetween this threshold of not being sure as to what to label these feelings, and because of his natural detachment as a coping mechanism, he’d push those thoughts to the side. It’s not that he doesn’t acknowledge it, he does, more than anything. But, I think, the possible chance of things going wrong - the uncertainty?

Similar to Katsuki, unless he can fully read your responses to his advances (though, they are slow in progression, being more along the lines of building up a friendship for a strong foundation in a potential relationship) he won’t actively pursue it, but he will indulge in it, if he can’t help himself. Shouto has a slight streak of traditionalism when it comes to courting someone - if he’s going to do something, he’s going to do it properly.

BLOOD ISN’T EVERYTHING ;; 

This is a bit of a angsty one here, but, adding on to the above, I do think he’d be slightly afraid, almost - mainly because of that traditional, almost childlike view of having a family, a support system - and that, he can’t provide one for you. Sometimes, he slips back into the old system of a nuclear family being considered a ‘real family.’

Of course, this isn’t true in the slightest but, aside from his close friends and colleagues, he can’t truly bring you home to meet potential parents, grandparents, siblings etc, because of the toxicity. He may have eased some of the relationships, to some level of relative ease, but he doesn’t want you to be surrounded by that. You deserve better than that.

So, I do feel, in times of vulnerability, he might need reassurance that he more than enough by himself, and that family can be chosen - it isn’t determined. And, most importantly, he isn’t his parents - what he went through doesn’t not define him in the slightest.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #mha #my hero academia #shouto todoroki #shoto todoroki #bnha shoto #mha shoto #shoto x gender neutral reader #shoto x female reader #shoto x male reader #x gender neutral reader #x female reader #x male reader #gender neutral reader #gender neutral character #gender neutral y/n #gender neutral insert

[autistic-paul]

Paul Matthews is autistic, a masterpost

It's been a while since I've made any sort of masterpost about the autistic Paul headcanon, so I think I'll give it another shot. It's a long one, so strap in! First off, none of this was intentional. Paul was not written to be autistic. Jon has always been supportive of how people view Paul, and that's wonderful, but please don't give Starkid credit for representation they didn't actually include. None of this is concrete, either, it's a collection of traits that can be viewed as neurodivergent traits if someone chooses to do so. I personally do, but at the end of the day, he's just a character that fans can perceive however they want.

- Paul struggles with anxiety. The source of his anxiety in the majority of TGWDLM stems from a change in his routine, of the world he knows drastically changing overnight. He had no reason to get so clearly distressed from what was clearly just a flash dance (That he knew of, at least), even considering his distaste of musicals. But it threw him off quite a lot.

- He's quite blunt and often rude. Whether you believe it's intentional or not, he has a tendency to shut people down when he doesn't want to do something, and makes no attempts to soften the blow or be polite. Telling Bill he didn't want to help him reconnect with Alice, turning down softball, getting worked up with the Greenpeace girl called him out and taking him off his social script. All of these things aren't ways that society expects people to communicate. It's not for lack of caring, Paul truly loves Bill and considers him his best friend, he's just straightforward and says exactly what he thinks.

- The social awkwardness isn't just him being blunt. He's only briefly in Black Friday, but there's plenty of evidence. In other filmings of the show, Paul attempts to shake Tom's hand, and hesitantly pulls it back when it's not taken, and then also tries to shake Tim's hand. He knows that's considered the social script, that's how you greet people in professional situations. He doesn't easily adapt to different social dynamics, considering he tries to shake a child's hand. He just does what he knows. Emma had to cut him off after the bumper cars line, he would have continued to escalate the situation otherwise. All of his parts in Black Friday showcase his difficulty in social situations.

- He's very reliant on social scripts. He repeats himself sometimes, like with the caramel frappe for Bill and also for Mr. Davidson. He says thank you for your service to Tom without hesitation in BF, because that's the thing you say. A small one, but worth mentioning.

- He has little to no ambition, and despite not liking his job according to Forever and Always, he has no intention of changing his path. Nick has said Paul has worked at CCRP for close to a decade. He's settled into the life he has, and change in any capacity is distressing to him. He goes to work, he gets his coffee, he goes home. Emma is the only change we've seen him welcome. In the bunker, Hatchetfield was overrun by aliens, and he said he still didn't want to leave.

- His reactions to stress are not particularly neurotypical. He seeks out familiarity and comfort, such as immediately making his way to Beanies to calm himself down after LDDDD, to indulge in his routine. When he was in the alleys with Emma, he brought up movies and board games, despite the fact that it was an odd time to try to discuss interests with someone he barely knew. If we count Jon's original audition for the character, we can easily infer that Paul has a special interest in film. At the very least, he has strong opinions on it, and wanting to discuss an interest even when the timing isn't appropriate is common for autistic people.

- The stims. Oh, the stims. He wrings his hands quite often, he taps his fists on top of each other, and he repeats words over and over. (The okays can be seen as a form of echolalia, which is a type of vocal stim!) Keep an eye on his hands throughout the whole show, they're moving very often, and particularly intensely in times of stress.

- His body language. There's the ever-present discomfort, of course, and the stimming, but there's more than that. He's extremely tactile, I can't count the times he touches people near him, or grabs them to pull them away from danger. He mimics other people's body languages, especially Emma's. His posture in CCRP at the start vs. His posture in the bunker with Emma are drastically different, and they reflect the people around him. In Black Friday, he touches Emma's back to support her, crouches when she does, holds her at the very end of the show. I'd argue that he struggles with a sense of personal space, honestly.

- As an add-on to the last point, he touches other people very freely, but when other people touch him, he flinches. All the touching in LDDDD have him looking disgusted, and doubly so in LIO, but it's not just that. Ted touches him by the trash cans, and he jumps and looks very uncomfortable. He's tactile, but only on his own terms.

- He's extremely expressive. He wears his emotions on his sleeve, and does not seem remotely adept at hiding them. Emma knew he had a crush on her the second they met. It's not just his words that are straightforward, it's all of him. He just doesn't hide things.

I suppose that's it for now. Honestly, if I started picking out every little thing about him, I'd be here all day. There's so much about the way he speaks, moves, and expresses himself that makes him seem autistic to me. Simply put, it's about the vibes, my dudes. He's autistic because I choose to believe he is.

#paul matthews #starkid #tgwdlm #black friday #nightmare time #jon matteson #autistic paul matthews #long post #mine #oh god this is so long #i apologize #i know it could be better but i wanted to get all those notes out #i'll add more if i think of them #not much forever and always stuff here because. i haven't thought has hard about it. whoops #maybe someday

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

fine line - a close reading

gonna cry bc i’m at the end, gonna cry bc it’s fine line.

(x x x)

want to give the same disclaimer as with lights up: this song is so layered, so multi-faceted, that i could never hope to give an exhaustive analysis. due to its vagueness and openness for interpretation, i assume that everyone, just like me, has their own ideas about it and has attached importance to it in ways that no one else’s words can or should alter. this song means the world to me for reasons that aren’t necessarily in this post, and that’s how it is with art that touches us deeply. i’ve tried my best to pull it apart, lay it bare, spread it open, if you will, so it’s almost as free as it can be for you all to form your own opinion on it. in the synthesis i will make my own conclusions, but feel free to ignore that if yours are totally different. i’m just one set of brain and heart taking in fine line and projecting whatever i think is right onto it. alright, let’s go

fine line, track 12

sung in falsetto

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

live version at the form: first verse not sung in falsetto - after first chorus goes into falsetto - like “thinking of her” has summoned her

Put a price on emotion

pouring emotions into the art you create: how much is genuine / how much do you show - line between being authentic to your audience and giving away too much, wanting to keep things to yourself and not feeling truthful with what you’ve written

exploits of the industry: lay your soul bare - or the exact opposite, some pretend emotion - to score that hit

I'm looking for something to buy

cynical. emotions aren’t genuine, right? where can i go buy some?

～ lights up themes. fake life, industry, being a sell-out

You've got my devotion

But man, I can hate you sometimes

“you” = career, music, Harry Styles™. devoted to the craft, to the job, all the ups and downs of it, despite the hardships it brings 

“man” is deliberate: can be seen as an offhand interjection, like “man, that’s rough”, but nothing is casually placed in this song. “man” is: The Man, the heads in the industry, the people pulling the strings. The man in Harry, the man he’s been in the media all these years, the part he’s played/had to play, the man that’s in him

⟶ “hate you”: hate for industry shit, self-hate created by having to play pretend (～ only angel analysis, the persona of the Bukowski womaniser)

“sometimes” - it’s not fucked up all the time

“you” could also be a lover, but the sudden “hate” there then would be for that person, which is absent in any other song about them, doesn’t make any sense

I don't want to fight you

And I don't want to sleep in the dirt

like there’s a choice to me made, but he doesn’t want to make it: either I fight this “you” or I sleep in the dirt

“you” as the industry: if he doesn’t fight them, he might end up being a beggar, lose all his self-worth bc he gave in to everything they asked/told him to do

“you” as himself: fight your instincts, part of who you are/the persona. if he doesn’t fight to figure himself out, though, he fears he’ll also lose

“sleep in the dirt” as a sense of rejection, as well

We'll get the drinks in

So I'll get to thinking of her

drinks to cope - falling, only angel, from the dining table - or to be braver and confront emotions better - tbsl

who is “we”? who is “her”?

narrative of “you” as “lover” further disproven: if “I” and the lover get together over drinks and “I” starts thinking of “her”?

⟷ “her” could be the lover, but then who is “you”? the industry? some other person, besides that lover, harry is devoted to? multiple lovers, all of a sudden? no.

⟶ “I” and “you” are all harry, that get to thinking of “her” because she is in daydreams with him. the narrative that harry is fighting a part of him, the persona he has (had) to play bc of industry limits, makes most sense. that persona is within him now, and part of his work, but all of him, “we”, is begging to come into the light - of which she is a huge part

We'll be a fine line

balancing act. let everything coexist but pay attention that those lines don’t get crossed the wrong way. what we are, what i am, is a fine line between what makes us go under and what lets us thrive

we will be: determination to fulfil this prophecy, statement of fact “we always will be”

“we’ll be a fine line”: other way of interpreting it is that on both sides of that line is what entails “we”, all that is harry. what merges on that fine line is where it’s just right, when harry is fully himself in every way

“fine line” can also be an echo of criticism, bigotry, in the style of: it’s a fine line between being simply flamboyant and queer, between dressing like that and people thinking you’re a transvestite or summat (cause we wouldn’t want that, now, would we) - “we’ll be a fine line” could be owning all of it. putting himself in the middle of all those messy lines, as someone queer without a category

Test of my patience

patience with himself - kindness to self - took a long time to figure shit out and it was a challenge

waiting for change: industry and its allowances/openness

There's things that we'll never know

my favorite line

“we” = harry / harry and company / us in general, all of us listening 

～ tpwk “i don’t need all the answers”: deep sense of acceptance

peace to be found in accepting this!!

You sunshine, you temptress

“sunshine” - as in all the love songs (blue skies, sunflowers, summer days…): lover - possible that there are multiple “you”s in this song?

sunshine could ofc also be directed at the temptress, still

female “temptress” - “i’ll get to thinking of her” - she - it’s tempting for harry to think of her all the time, to lose himself in the “her” in him

other interpretation for “temptress”: woman he knows with negative influence in his life - resemblance to woman “you flower, you feast”, so echo of Bukowski ～ only angel, kiwi (my sunshine, my love, who is involved with this temptress…)

My hand’s at risk, I fold

⟷ tpwk “dropping into the deep end”

not showing his cards just yet / forfeits

anxious to show all of him, to take the chance, with all the risks and consequences involved

Crisp trepidation

I’ll try to shake this soon

nervousness, anxiety - about (not) taking (enough) chances, (not) laying himself bare (release of the album that reveals much more than before)

“crisp” fresh, this feeling is unfamiliar - change is coming “soon”

sense of agency: I can get rid of this feeling by my own volition and make these changes - hesitant, insecure: “try”

wants to be braver. he’s not going back, but still needs to calmly coax himself further and further into the light, out into the open (“we’ll be alright”)

Spreading you open

Is the only way of knowing you

(can anyone else hear “spread thin” like a whisper under “spreading”? or am i imagining things.)

“you” is back - the only way of knowing “you” is to spread them open - the physical

to spread someone open - very literal, don’t need to paint the picture, or to lay bare, to lay it all out 

⟶ “you” as himself - the only way of knowing who i am is by doing this: writing this album, performing these songs, letting others listen in and form their own interpretations, let this world grow where i’m laid bare and OPEN and exist as this person who has issues, who is angry, who doesn’t know who he is a lot of the time, but is still so happy to be here - let it spread and let it all circle back to me so i can grow deeper into myself

We'll be a fine line

We'll be alright

“we” = h & self, h & lover, h & fans

collectiveness from tpwk

(notes on a piano sounding like drops, like he’s emerged from the water and dripping dry)

SYNTHESIS

Everything about this song is plural. Personal pronouns are all over the place. I, you, her, we. The sound is incredibly layered, with Harry’s own voice echoing through its verses like he’s singing to himself in an empty cave. Meanings can be attached to every word like it’s a wax tablet used too many times. What Harry has said in interviews for once holds pretty true to the actual meaning, in my opinion. 

“It felt like it described to me the process of making it and how the album felt in terms of the different kinds of songs on it.” (Capital FM)

This can mean a lot of things, and I think it means all of the things, of course. It means Fine Line is a summary of all of his emotions he visited on the album, of the things he’s laid bare. And it means that the actual process was also described, as one that can be frustrating and challenging, with added industry shit. 

Harry has expressed straightforward gratefulness to his label for "leaving (him) alone” while making the album and that speaks volumes. This time, he had the chance to make his art without the constant interference of a label, which meant he could weave in criticism as well. “Put a price on emotion” is first and foremost a critique on the industry. It’s the first line of the song, setting the tone for the interpretation of this song is about the risks I took while making this album. It involves criticism on an industry that creates such an atmosphere that only a certain type of music and artist breaks through or can be successful, that limits people in their personal expression. Convinces them that it’s better that way. That it’s better to hide who they love because the general public won’t accept them. That it’s better to create a song about a fake emotion than be honest. Harry loves writing songs and being on stage, but it’s taken a while for him to be fully comfortable there as a solo artist and bloom into the person that could make Fine Line. He loves his career, but it’s also limited his freedom in ways beyond our comprehension, and it’s exploited him to the point where he didn’t know who he was, in ways that have clearly taken a toll on his mental wellbeing. To a point where he finishes this album reassuring himself, most of all, that everything will be alright.

That process of making Fine Line obviously includes Harry confronting emotions he hadn’t before. He has stated that he experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows while making it. There are things he hates, he was fighting but doesn’t want to (anymore), uncertainties he was trying to figure out but had to accept he couldn’t, risks he still doesn’t know he can take without shaking. At the centre of it all is this sense of “knowing you.” The different personal pronouns in the song paint a fractured picture, which is ultimately deliberate. That the “you” Harry is devoted to and can hate sometimes doesn’t line up with “her,” that the end focus does seem to be this “you” that is mentioned in the same breath as “man” and “temptress,” forming the “we” together with “I”. 

After having songs like Lights Up, She, Falling and even TPWK, one of the central themes on the album has undoubtedly been self-discovery, in all its pain and glory. There are no female pronouns on the album besides, obviously, in She, and then here, in Fine Line. She is about a man living with a woman “just in his head”, who “sleeps in his bed while he plays pretend.” It is very clearly a trans narrative, the story of someone struggling to put into words what they’re experiencing in terms of gender. To a point that they fantasise about running away. Fine Line brings the ideas of knowing what it all means, which Lights Up kicks off (“do you know who you are?”), Falling deepens (“what am I now?”) and Treat People With Kindness turns on its head (“I don��t need all the answers”), together. Harry is still doubtful, and the questions asked earlier in the album haven’t disappeared, but he has accepted that “some things we’ll never know.” His aim, however, is still “knowing you.” 

To have Fine Line, as the summary of these emotions of self-growth and self-discovery, echo that one female pronoun, speaks volumes. It is a direct reference to She, to that story about gender. “Her” in this song refers to “she (who) lives in daydreams with (him).” The one who still only fully comes out when they’ve had a drink. The one he’s still working to include in who he is, as he tries to figure out who he is, all of it. The song where he sings in falsetto, just like on Fine Line. Of which he sang the first verse an octave lower live at the forum, switching between those voices, those perspectives. That’s also why “you” in this song is also Harry to me. We get this fractured sense of self, this “I” and “you” conversing over a drink, this “you” Harry is devoted to and wants to figure out. “You” and “I” form “we” and all of them are Harry. The lines are blurry on purpose, there is no way to figure out where “you” ends and “I” begins. 

“You sunshine, you temptress” is the most enigmatic line in that respect, and to me blurs those lines even more between the pronouns. “You” is suddenly also identified by a female noun. And no this isn’t about some kind of love triangle. “Sunshine” aligns with all the odes to his lover in the rest of the album. So what does that mean? That there are multiple “you”s in this song, meaning that Harry is addressing both his lover and a temptress? So “her” he’ll get to thinking of, the only other female pronoun used in the song, is identified as a temptress, but tempting to do what? To take risks? And no I won’t forget the “man, I can hate you sometimes,” where "man” is not a casual interjection but an identifier of “you.” 

Or is it an echo of “the light” from Golden’s “bring me back to the light” and Light’s Up’s “step into the light”? So that the “sunshine” symbolises being in the clear, being out of the darkness running through his heart, the darkness caused by not knowing who you are. “You sunshine,” you beacon of light. “You temptress,” risk-taker and source of anxiety. You, one I need to spread open to figure out, to know about, source of happiness and despair, one I’m devoted to but also hate. You, man, you, temptress. You there, in the mirror looking back at me. 

All of you, and myself included, we’ll be a fine line. And we’ll be alright.

This song is about all of that. The self in art, the self on its own, the other, the journey, the chances, the fears, the passion. Hope. Reassurance. Confidence. And, most importantly, that everything will be alright in the end.

x

read all my lyric analyses here

#lzjrkfhlejrhgfzjehgrfjhaegrfjhger #i'm done #it's done #this is it #did i have to take breaks to get through this? yes #did i write this with tears in my eyes at times? yes #very much yes #this song.............. oh this song #will i fret and fret wondering if i did it justice? permanently #it means so much to me and it literally makes barely any sense #it's so fucking beautiful #we can try to make sense of it but it's impossible #as it should be #wow #cause of death: fine line #fine line analysis #my post #lyric analysis #gaaaahhhhhh #harry what you do to me #long post

[tooweirdforyou]

Hiii! Can I request headcanons for Doffy, Mihawk and Crocodile accidentally hurt their s/o. Female s/o please. Thankyou sm🌸

Accidentally Hurting Their F!S/O - HCs

A/N : you didn’t specify physically or mentally hurting their S/O, so I’ll randomize it.

I don’t know if you can tell, but I’m pretty excited I get to write for Mihawk. I love this man so much, and I hope I did his character justice! 😭

Summary : Doflamingo, Crocodile and Mihawk accidentally hurting their female significant other.

Doflamingo

This man is rather sadistic, mostly because of what he’s been through, yes. But if he grew up another way, I believe he’d be a pretty decent person. Someone who doesnt want to destroy the whole world-

Doflamingo cares a lot of his family, ( don’t you dare tell me otherwise ), and considering that you are dating THE Doflamingo, you’re pretty high up in the ranks yourself. He’ll go to many lengths to protect you, im sure.

But because he has a reputation to uphold and he is pretty sadistic and an ass, he’ll say some pretty harsh things and tease you and sometimes make fun of you as a joke so much, it’s not cute.

But it was to be expected dating Doflamingo. Doffy did have a good side to him too, he was pretty sweet under everything.

Though, everything he says can be a bit too much to handle.

Already feeling insecure that you’ve somehow ended up with a warlord and a king of a country, when Doffy could have anyone else,

You actually felt your heart shatter into pieces when Doffy carelessly spoke to you, with his shit-eating grin.

You wouldn’t say anything, not even plastering the forced small smile that you’d always wear. You’ll just brush it off and turn away, walking off and went to go talk to Baby 5.

Doflamingo would be taken back, expecting you to fight back or anything for his entertainment. He thought it was amusing and kinda cute seeing you get feisty when he teased you, but seeing your hidden hurt expression and walking off made him know he messed up.

He’ll be annoyed. Annoyed he didn’t get entertainment but even more annoyed that he caused you pain, for his own amusement especially.

He’ll bring up his strings and start to control you from where you were, bringing you back to him forcefully, which you’ll start to squirm and struggle in your hold.

When he sees you as he pulls you towards him, his grin would be gone and a tight thin line would be plastered instead.

He’ll bring you closer until you’re right in front of him, and before you could say anything after he releases his hold on you, he’ll grab you and pull you in to his chest silently.

He’ll force you to sit there all day, without moving as he placed his arms around your torso, your head laying in his shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

It was a simple two words, but even then, just hearing it made you relax and ease into his chest more as you snuggled into his hold with a small smile.

-

Mihawk

Mihawk is blunt and straightforward, so there are some things that he’ll say outwardly, without sugar-coating it.

So you’re pretty used to it. You’d have to be, if you even ended up dating Mihawk in the first place.

Sure, the swordsman is romantic, but he’s blunt most of the time.

It would be when you return from a trip, having left to pickup some things, personal and essential items for the two of you.

You were pretty eager and excited when you came back, wanting to share the many things you’ve come across and seen while you were out.

However, Mihawk didn’t share that feeling. He had been sitting in his castle alone for a while, enjoying the peace, despite having feeling a bit lonely without you.

So when you come back, chatting and talking pretty excitedly, with your eyes lit up, hearing Mihawk’s blunt words absolutely destroyed your joy.

You’d immediately shut up and murmur an apology to him. Feeling pretty embarrassed and humiliated, you’d leave the room quickly and keep distance away from Mihawk.

He didn’t realize how much he truly missed your presence until he saw you walking away, a pained expression across your face. He’ll sigh at that, rubbing his temple a bit and wondered why he felt so stressed.

You were just like Shanks in terms of easy excitement, and although he often got annoyed, he never snapped at him like he had did with you. Was it because he actually did miss you?

He’ll see that you left behind one of the bags you’ve brought from your trip and see a particular wine that he enjoyed, knowing it was expensive and that you went the trip to get it for him. He’ll frown in distaste towards himself for hurting you and go find you.

He’ll find you in bed, under the covers with your eyes shut. Knowing you weren’t actually asleep, he’ll go over and crawl into bed beside you, wrapping an arm around you and kissing the back of your head lightly.

“I apologize for my words, [Name]. It wasn’t my intention to hurt you. I missed you.”

It was simple yet held so much in it, you turned to face him and wrap your arms around his chest, accepting his apology and just wanted to cuddle with him right then and there, to which he obliged and pet your hair as you fell asleep in his arms.

-

Crocodile

Crocodile is also a bit of a blunt person, but he has a heart for sure.

Crocodile, as a lover, will spoil you to no end. He’s a loving man, and he most definitely cherishes things he values most, which you are the most valuable thing he has.

He’ll do anything to protect you and keep you from harm. He never has any intentions on hurting you unless he has a real reason to.

And so, when Crocodile realizes the mistake he just made when he sees you staring wide-eyed at him, on the ground and grasping your shoulder, he becomes shocked himself

and immediately, whatever was angering him just seconds prior is forgotten.

Crocodile would be frustrated with both him and you for a quick second before rushing to your side.

Seeing you flinch would break his heart but he’d understand.

“[Name]... Are you alright?”

He wouldn’t even remember what he was so angry about. He was just stressed, to the point that he had hurt you, for just trying to comfort him.

He’ll slowly reach out to you, a bit hesitant because he knows he’s hurt you and you’ll remember this for sure.

But seeing that you aren’t pulling away, he’ll gently pick up you bridal style and bring you to the bedroom, setting you on the bed softly.

“Show me your shoulder.”

And to the best of his ability, he’ll check your injury and patch it up, it’ll be sloppy but A for effort.

When he’s done, he’ll pull you down to lay on his chest and whisper his apologies to you once more and promises to buy you the world one day.

Although your shoulder was still in pain, you knew he didn’t mean to hurt you and you’ll curl yourself into his arms, closing your eyes and relaxing with a soft smile.

-

As much as I love Crocodile, he’s a lot harder to write than I thought. Especially when it’s so late and I’m exhausted as hell.

Regardless, I really hope you all enjoyed this. :) I definitely enjoyed writing this lol it’s so cute.

#tooweirdforyou #one piece #one piece x reader #op x reader #x reader #donquixote doflamingo x reader #doflamingo x reader #dracule mihawk #mihawk x reader #dracule mihawk x reader #crocodile x reader #crocodile one piece #donquixote doflamingo

[kitkatixx]

kirukiyo headcanons (long ish)

If you haven’t noticed-- these two are my otp, and v3 did them both dirty... both in terms of plot and their few interactions (hi, utdp, i’m surprised they didn’t have an event with direct interaction)

I haven’t done these formally but figured I’d drop a few of my headcanons as of now, since the ideas I have for these two are fluid, but the base nature of their relationship remains about the same. You’ll see below the cut, they’re fairly in depth and give some flavor to the characters (especially Kirumi) 

general summary 

Subtle, subtle, subtle. 

These two are experts at keeping their relationship under the table, and it takes the rest of the class--perceptive ones included-- quite a bit of time to figure out they’ve been together, even though many a student (Kokichi, Miu, Rantaro, Kaede) have made jokes about their likeness to a married couple. 

While they are more than capable of adapting to the scenario, both of them are private individuals at heart, in spite how their talents require them to be around people nearly at all times. So for Kirumi especially, she prefers someone mature who can respect her desire to keep the limelight out of her personal life. After all, she prefers to keep her home and (incredibly taxing, chaotic) work life separate... 

That being said, it is no secret to Class 79 (what I’ve dubbed the v3 cast in my HPA AU) and the upperclassmen (SDR2, DR3, THH) that the Ultimate Maid is a stubborn workaholic.

Thus, it takes a specific type of person to ‘get through’ to her-- specifically requesting her presence at refreshments, politely stopping her in the hallway for a conversation, all as cleverly disguised ‘breaks’ without infringing upon her time and duties. Even if it’s only momentary, small steps, persistence, and patience are key with her, as there is a fine line between obligation and devotion to one’s craft. 

Korekiyo happens to be able to see past the professional ‘selflessly devoted’ front that Kirumi maintains nearly at all times, having had the opportunity to observe numerous types of people in his time as an anthropologist, and given what was seen in canon, it’s fairly evident that he was intrigued, speaking highly of her post trial (he even has a FTE in her lab!) 

Initially, her insistence on wholeheartedly embodying the values of a proper maid piqued his attention, leading to him to take an interest in getting to know her more-- what makes Miss Tojo who she is, exactly? What motivates her to behave in such a way? And what of the human side of the Ultimate Maid? Such were the questions he wished to answer, and as any good researcher would do, it was necessary to approach this in a straightforward, concise manner.

Because of this unorthodox approach to getting to know her (indirectly) for a scholarly reason, Kirumi had no reason to decline his invitations to converse or shoo him away from observing her everyday duties as she would have done under normal circumstances. This in particular gave Korekiyo an advantage over many of his other peers, who would have had difficulty a) approaching her b) maintaining a sizeable conversation with her before moving onto her next task. 

Eventually, the two would find they share similar interests (Victorian customs, tea preparation, etc), and get along well with each other; the meetings that began as strictly for research evolve into moments where two friends are talking. 

Down the line, someone catches feels. 

Now as for who that could be... let’s move to the next section to answer that.

a few typical who does/is relationship headcanons:

1. Who makes the first move and how?

Korekiyo does. While Kirumi eventually does develop feelings for him first, she won’t act on them out of concern that the quality of her work will be compromised, and stays quiet. Korekiyo, however, takes a little longer after mulling over whether his emotions can be chalked up to his general adoration for all of humanity or genuine feelings for her. He does pick up on small changes in her behavior and routine-- serving his preferred meals and tea at just the right temperature, being especially open to assisting him even when she’s terribly busy, and so on, which motivate him to make the first move. Very small, but incredibly thoughtful of her. He’s always liked the details. 

The anthropologist is quite capable of being romantic if he so desires, but decides that with her in particular, it would be best to be polite and to the point. Of course, this is Korekiyo we are talking about, so he’ll still put his own twist on it-- so most likely discreetly slipping her a letter with a proper wax stamp on it expressing his feelings and a carnation, which in Japanese flower language is associated with fascination and distinction. 

The letter’s contents include notes of the uniquely human aspects of her he finds especially beautiful, and are highly specific: the faint curve of her mouth that appears for a split-second (when she thinks no one is looking) after someone receives retribution for their antics, her deft, graceful movements as she slices into vegetables and pours tea, the glint in her eye that appears after a particularly challenging request is given... the list could go on and on, he writes, but it would be far too long to be appropriate for this letter, yet Kirumi Tojo’s identity is so much more than only the Ultimate Maid. 

Lastly, it finishes with an attached sketch depicting one of the moments ‘when she is the most beautiful,’ showing her in her element... broom in hand, small frown on face, and scolding someone (read: Kokichi) After all, while many miss it, Korekiyo has picked up on the angry micro expressions that flit across her face after something particularly irritating has just occurred, and he loves them-- they make her humanity shine through. 

Subsequently, it would prompt her to meet somewhere secluded in the evening if she reciprocates-- her missing presence would be more than enough for him to take the hint. Not that she intended on doing so.

2. Who is the most insecure and what makes them feel better?

You’d think it would be Kirumi, but no, Korekiyo is, beneath his unusual charm and charisma, by a margin. After the passing of his sister, it left him hesitant to get close to people at a personal level, which contributes to how he ended up choosing anthropology-- not only to travel and experience the world when she could not, but because it allows for one to be ‘close’ to humans in a removed manner. So while he can easily wax poetry about nearly anything about humans, cultures, or a person, he does this in a very ‘scientific manner’ at times, preferring to view things as an observer rather than a participator. Of course, this aspect of him was integrated into his identity long before HPA, but it is this distanced nature that contributed to his initial indecisiveness about whether his feelings are organic, and the occasional concern about how much emotional intimacy he is obligated to show in a relationship. Luckily, Kirumi isn’t the type to absolutely need direct communication in a relationship, and is more subtle in demeanor as well.

Having been in the service industry for years and hiding her own emotions (from herself as well), Kirumi is proficient at recognizing others’ needs, and picks up on these issues seamlessly. She isn’t exactly the best at opening up either (this is an area of improvement for both of them), but still makes attempts to directly talk to him about this. Generally, their form of communication is largely nonverbal, being highly in tune with each other-- to this couple, actions speak louder than words, but issues like these are best addressed face-to-face, with words, before they fester. 

3. Who is the most romantic?

The anthropologist takes the cake here by societal standards-- his love language is giving gifts and words of affirmation, whereas Kirumi prefers acts of service (no surprise there!) but both share quality time as a commonality, and are very attentive towards each other. Regardless of the gift, Korekiyo is always sure to pick something thoughtful and practical, the way she likes things-- though now and then there’s something more material with emotional value in the mix, which she secretly likes. Kirumi is not used to people being so direct in this department with her, so while she’ll politely cite her preference for gifts as something useful, the silk gloves and other paraphernalia he gets her are a nice way to validate she has an identity outside of being a maid.

Not to mention that he has a way with words, and is incredibly proficient at finding 50 unique ways to compliment her in public, much to her chagrin (and hidden embarrassment,) but he takes pride in, citing that she should be more proud of her accomplishments. Nevertheless, Korekiyo still finds her indirect way of showing affection endearing, especially when she attempts to politely deflect compliments as ‘doing what any maid worth their salt would have done.’ 

Some things never change... even though he and the other members of Class 79 have slowly gotten her to be more open about accepting assistance from others (she’s overworked herself and passed out once!) 

4. Who can’t keep their hands to themselves?

Again, while both of them are capable of (and prefer) being lowkey in public, it’s free real estate in private, so once again, this goes to Korekiyo. His official love language isn’t physical touch, but he embodies all five of them quite well, this one very much included. 

Kirumi, on the other hand, doesn’t like PDA out of professionalism, which makes her a bit hesitant, even in the privacy of his or her room to be comfortable with it. This isn’t to say she isn’t curious or won’t even consider the possibility, but it takes her a considerable amount of time to warm up to it. Initially, the most you’ll see from them in public is subtle touches on each other’s hand-- little playful taps here and there-- which then morph into holding hands when no one’s around to see it. In private, they’re more willing to be physically close (think head in lap while reading), and Kirumi’s brushed his hair on more than one occasion. It should be noted that one of the most intimate moments the two have had was holding hands in private without any sort of fabric acting as a barrier. 

However, Korekiyo does have a cheekier side that slips out (more slyly playful to incite something interesting/fluster her) and is known to slip an arm around her waist, pulling her in close. If you squint, you might catch a faint flush on the usually unflappable Kirumi. Bonus points if this is during the evening, and a breeze blows by. Bonus bonus if this is in public, during broad daylight. 

The ‘class dad’ has to assert his dominance every now and then over the unruly children, no? 

5. Who says ‘I love you’ first?

Love comes in a lot of different forms and of course, at each person’s pace. Both of them circle around this topic and have essentially said it nonverbally before, but the first to vocalize it is most likely still Korekiyo. It’s not in Kirumi’s nature to be direct about her emotions (but for duties and professional matters, absolutely), so it’s up to him to say he loves her first. 

It’s most likely uttered in private, accompanied with a small kiss, and very quietly-- so quiet you can barely catch it, but that doesn’t matter, because only the one who needs to hear it the most will. 

conclusion

Three words best describe this relationship: mature, meaningful, and synchronized.

Both of these individuals are aloof and formal on the surface level, but if one takes the time to truly get to know them, there’s quite the intense fire burning underneath in the form of being utterly devoted to each other every step of the way. Of course, this is all done in a very reserved manner, and if they don’t want you to know about it, you won’t. 

Well, if you got here, thank you for reading all of this. I’ve liked this ship for a while, and I remember being nervous to create content-- I’m sure know how volatile fandom life can be, no? Hope you enjoyed my take and spins on their relationship, and I might post more later. 

Feel free to request or drop something in the askbox for these two.

#kirukiyo #ship headcanons #danganronpa #danganronpa v3 #v3 #drv3 #ndrv3 #danganronpa ships #danganronpa ship #danganronpa ship headcanons #kirumi x korekiyo #korekiyo x kirumi #shintojo #headcanons #new danganronpa v3 #killing harmony #new danganronpa v3 killing harmony #otp #danganronpa headcanon #danganronpa headcanons #kirumi tojo #korekiyo shinguji #korekiyo shinguuji #tojo kirumi #shinguji korekiyo #shinguuji korekiyo #ndrv3 killing harmony #drv3 killing harmony

[wh33zy]

My Read on Terrorist: the Black Sheep of Junjou Romantica

Tonight, I wanted to do an analysis of the most controversial couple to enter Nakamura’s arena and to make waves in the BL world. I will be analyzing them both separately and then together. Through the scrutiny of all fans alike, they have prevailed and have become one of the healthiest as well as charming couples that Nakamura has created to date. This is all despite the fucked up situation that they’re in.

So, why were/are they vehemently hated? The main reason I found was because of their seventeen year age gap. As a refresher: Miyagi starts the story at the age of 34 and Shinobu starts at 17, months away from turning 18. Miyagi was more recently divorced from Shinobu’s older sister, Risako, who are both the children of the dean at Mitsuhashi University where Miyagi works as a tenured professor. Upon hearing about Miyagi’s divorce, Shinobu flew back to Japan from studying abroad in Australia in order to pursue him. Through Miyagi trying to get Shinobu to fall out of love with him as well as trying to help get him into college, Miyagi ends up catching feelings for Shinobu. This is where their relationship starts. 

Takatsuki Shinobu: He isn’t a terribly complex character, but one of the most interesting yet. He still remains quite mysterious, as he won’t share any details about himself unless someone asks, so for likes/dislikes as well as hobbies, I think he has a lot of potential to be even more interesting as the chapters go on. But, we do know that he is incredibly book smart from the way he excels in all of his studies/studied abroad/is bilingual and socially smart with the way he seems to make a lot of friends pretty easily. 

His emotions run incredibly deep, and each one he feels hits him incredibly hard where he can’t help but express it outwardly. He has a pretty aggressive way of doing it too. This is evident by the way he’ll throw a punch if he’s mad (not a serious one) or tackle Miyagi in a hug when he’s really happy. He’s an open book who’ll let you know what he thinks without any fear, no matter who you are. Not only does this make him the peak of direct and straightforward, but this can make him rather intimidating and come even more aggressive than he already does.

He’s a tough guy, doesn’t look it, but he is. He’s a little rough around the edges. I am of the opinion that he was sent to Australia to be tamed but only came back tougher. The Texas of Britain only made him even stronger and this is evident by the way he cowers when he’s fourteen when he’s confronted by three grown men. If adult Shinobu were in the situation, those three men would have their souls snatched. What this paragraph is saying is that Shinobu is the type of person who when thrown to the wolves, he comes back leading the pack. 

He’s also the most ambitious and determined in terms of getting what he wants out of life. If he wants it, Shinobu will try his damnedest to get it with no hesitation. He’s either all in or not at all. At the same time, however, he won’t waste his own time/energy. If it isn’t meant to be, he will completely change course to move on. 

I think this is what separates him from almost all of Nakamura’s characters; when he found out about Miyagi still having feelings for his sensei, he wasn’t willing to wait around. While he did love Miyagi with all he had, he took it upon himself to look out for his own best interests and move on. I think he realizes that love, more specifically with Miyagi, is an amazing luxury and a dream but not a necessity in his life. Shinobu wanted to be someone’s number one and someone to be ride or die for him as well, since he would be the same, so he only accepted Miyagi when became that someone. 

At the same time, Shinobu didn’t force nor want Miyagi to forget about his sensei because he understood that she was an important part of his life. While it does seem like he was acting in desperation, this is why I don’t think it was. Shinobu wanted Miyagi before his sister married him so when the divorce happened, he took his chance to pursue Miyagi, and was ready to back out (more than once!) when it didn’t seem like it would work. 

Here’s the thing that makes him more mortal: he’s kind of insecure. While he does have confidence in his abilities to do anything, he actually worries about what people think of him. He wants to be well-liked, he wants to be someone who people think is great. He also worries a lot about how Miyagi sees him, if he’s too immature and young for him. However, he turns these things into self-improvement instead of wallowing. He constantly works on improving cooking and being more social, smiling more, etc.

At the end of the day, Shinobu has a lot of self respect, a drive to improve, and is very considerate towards others (although it’s not obvious, he is!) and I found him to be pretty mature for someone just entering adulthood. All of the reasons above are why he is one of my favorites and why I find him a force to be reckoned with. 

Miyagi Yoh: He’s a pretty simple guy: Graduated high school, went to college, found his career, got married (then divorced), is a history buff, and an avid reader. He has pretty traditional leaning values and views and can be a jokester at times. There really isn’t a lot to Miyagi, but I personally don’t think there needs to be. He’s actually the more laid back one in the relationship, although he has his moments where he can be uptight and more reserved. 

He’s a more gentle person and definitely cares about being professional, about the proper ways to go about things. Although he is ambitious when it comes to the important stuff, he can sometimes be quite wishy-washy and unsure of himself. His confidence in his own abilities isn’t terribly high, but he does try his best. He does tend to go with the flow sometimes and struggles with handling difficult situations.

He also has his insecurities that are quite similar to Shinobu: his age and if he good enough. In the manga, you see these come up a lot, since he worries about these things pretty often. It’s why he gets so bothered by Shinobu smiling and getting along with girls his age. He can’t help but worry that maybe Shinobu might want that “normal” life and leave him for it. 

Which brings me to his main problem: anxiety. A lot of Miyagi’s acting out or on impulse stem from harboring a lot of anxiety. He tends to worry a lot about the future, if he’s doing enough, if he’s good enough, Shinobu’s feelings, Shinobu’s well-being, Shinobu’s future, and being left behind again. When he spirals into anxiety for one of these reasons, he tends to shut down and close himself off or act on impulse. 

While it does seem like he has a much better handle on controlling, hiding, and understanding his feelings/emotions, he really fucking doesn’t. What he really does with his feelings is not express them or acknowledge them and hold them in until they explode. I think this stems from the fact that he’s supposed to be the ‘calm and collected adult’, and having to hide his feelings for his sensei when he was with Risako. Now, let’s talk about his sensei for a moment: the sensei I’m referring to is the first women he fell in love with when he was in high school where they had a similar age gap to him and Shinobu now. Sensei was terminally ill and Miyagi helped with some of her care and was also there at the time of her passing. He never seemed to get over her for the next seventeen or so years after that. Miyagi squashed down his grief, so he never really coped or got through it. 

It and the divorce also left him with some abandonment issues which is another explanation why he was so upset when he found out Shinobu was planning to leave and went after him even though it collided with him not wanted to acknowledge his feelings. This also explains his jealousy when he sees Shinobu acting cheerfully with others; he’s afraid of being left behind again. 

So, I can confidently say that Miyagi doesn’t like dealing with his emotions and maybe doesn’t know how to. He’s also not confident in how he should go about them. This is especially prominent in the way that he’s not sure when/if he should be affectionate with Shinobu. He worries about the timing of it, what if Shinobu isn’t in the mood, if he should bother Shinobu with it in the first place, etc. This caused him to not really take any initiative in their relationship for a while until he realized it (with Shinobu’s help of course) and worked on it to improve. 

The Relationship: So, ironically, although they have the most problematic and drama inducing set up, they are the healthiest couple yet. They are healthier than the main couple on the cover (I have yet to see Romantica be as open with each other as they are but Romantica is on their way)! Of course, they’re not at Mistake level...yet. 

Whatever problems in their relationship, insecurities, inner most feelings, and needs are discussed. They are both big on communication, and have been irritated when one of them isn’t talking. They also don’t hide their feelings or issues from each other, so their level of understanding one another’s points of view is pretty high. If there’s something wrong, they talk it out and it’s solved by the end of the chapter. Showing affection also is not a big deal in the sense that no one is too embarrassed or too desperate. They can hug and kiss casually without it being a big thing. They never have to wonder if they’re wanted by each other and they make it obvious that they care. They also make an effort to spend time with each other and plan dates. They also are interested and invested in each other’s lives/interests. They are just plain sweet on one another.

Terrorist is what the title suggests: Pure Romance. 

But all of this is ignored, these two barely given a chance by a lot of fans because of their age gap. Because an almost middle aged man is dating his ex-wife’s younger brother which is the ultimate betrayal by a sibling and an ex. Which, I understand! I totally don’t blame someone for being uncomfortable with this sort of thing and it turning them off! But, don’t hate on them and then in the same breath uplift Egoist/Minimum or Nostalgia when they WISH they could be half as functional and sweet as Terrorist is. 

And that is the darjeeling!

#junjou romantica #junjou terrorist #miyagi yoh #takatsuki shinobu

[youngbloodbuzz]

Thank God we're having a talk about Eddie. I feel like I get this alot when I talk to wlw about guys like Eddie. He's a guy who has been loved and supported and told so by the women in his life since he was a kid. He may never have been expected to be observant and considerate about others feelings first before his own, and so he's probably never had to suppress his emotions or only express them subtextually/passive aggressively to be "socially acceptable" . Aside from maybe at work. 1/2

You can call him spoiled or entitled for being used to, and expecting, having things going well in his life. But guys that I know like Eddie really can't read people well because they did not have to. Some get really frustrated with common hints like "I'm fine" or "you don't have to wash the dishes" because they trust their partner to let them know what's wrong or if they need help. And if you talk to them, these ignorant dumbasses will be SO grateful and will go ABOVE AND BEYOND for you. 2/2

i love talking about eddie, he's my complex sweet boi

and god yea i love ALL of this, this is so eddie. he's very straightforward and takes things at face value. and he may have grown up in a household full of other men but he had a loving mother.

it's like that one line from ch8 "eddie born with a silver spoon, and dani on the razor edge of a sharp blade." he's used to living in an environment where he didn't have to second guess anything or have to beat around the bush for anything. but dani did. dani's had to live her entire life questioning and tip toeing around everything, because it's how she learned to survive living under her mother who has unpredictable outbursts. it's why she's so hesitant and fearful to speak truly and clearly still even as an adult.

but yea eddie, he's..a good dude but he's complicated. if you tell him what you want in clear terms, he will respect that and yes go above and beyond for you if it's reasonable. they've been best friends since they were children, but they've never been and never really learned fully how to be compatible like that, even as friends, esp not with so much weighing on dani's shoulders still.

@romanimp

#asks #anonymous #cfau #cfau spoilers

[filmwuju]

[TRANS] Character Introduction: People around Seongyeom & Mijoo

Ki Jeongdo | Yook Jiwoo | Ki Eunbi | Kim Wooshik | Kwon Young-il | Kim Hyunjin | Park May

Ki Jeongdo (Male, late 50s) Seongyeom's father / Four-term assemblyman

A politician who was an athlete. Back then, he was renowned as the nation's thief for snatching actress Yook Jiwoo, who was the nation's first love, at the prime of her youth. Rising to fame, he threw his hat into the political ring, as if he was waiting for this. Him moving into his wife's family home as a live-in son-in-law was also for the campaign fund.

Managing a family that can be recognized by citizens during elections was also Jeongdo's long time plan. As a man, Jiwoo was his trophy; and being the father of siblings who are national athletes, he was able to bear national sentiment. Seongyeom's home becoming a show window family was entirely Jeongdo's volition. Family means gathering together when needed and taking a harmonious photo, that's it. Just one is hard enough already, how incredible is it to raise two national representatives of South Korea? He regards fatherly love as an instinct, and thinks what he's doing to his children is true love. Not knowing that for the person receiving the unwanted love, that love can become violence.

He has always been privileged with vested rights, and since he's in the upper class, he always lived with pride. He has never doubted his capability of going higher, higher up. Most politicians are likewise, their final goal is running for the presidential election. And since they're running, naturally, they want to win. But Seongyeom, who used to be an obedient chess piece, keeps causing trouble. So he's contemplating on how to quash him.

Yook Jiwoo (Female, late 50s) Seongyeom's mother / Actress

A top actress hailed as the nation's first love. If there's Suzy in the 2000s, there was Yook Jiwoo in the 1980s. During the early days of her career, she went by the stage name Jiwoo, without the Yook, because her last name comes off as stubborn. This was her agency's policy. Later, Jiwoo saw her name on a movie poster and threw a huge fit. Since then, she goes by her full name that sounds stubborn for a "female" actor.

She's a perfect actress named as the Queen of Cannes; but she's a born actress who, in pursuit of her career, is far from even the letter M in the word "mother", much less be an excellent one.

Ki Eunbi (Female, 30) Seongyeom's sister / Pro golfer

She doesn't know how to love in an ordinary way, because she's never lived an ordinary life. The world's number one female golfer. With that title alone,  men—regardless of their skin color—approached her, not knowing how Eunbi is like after falling in love. There are no exceptions—whether they have a strong build, or got a straightforward personality. By the time they realize how scary Ki Eunbi is not as the queen of golf, but as a lover, it's already too late—so accept your fate. Once she takes a bite, she does not let go until she gets sick of it. There's no place to escape unless you go to the edge of the world.

Of course there's an exception. When their love for her dies down, she lets go without hesitation. It was always easier to figure out separation than love. The same goes for her family. The time she spent with them in her whole life wouldn't amount to even one year because of her trips abroad. They always separated the moment they met, and she felt worried at the thought of Seongyeom, who would be alone in the huge house. My poor little brother. Their father, who likes to rank, compares them frequently; the media, who likes to chatter, bashes him regularly. My little brother Seongyeom. Seongyeom, whose sin is getting born as my little brother.

Of course she worked hard, but Eunbi's talent played a bigger part. Her sense of distance is more outstanding than others, and she's exceptional in controlling her strength. They said the only thing left for a first placer to do is to fall downwards, but Eunbi didn't know how to fall. If she didn't have talent, would it be a different story? While having these thoughts, she saw Seongyeom and thought, hmm.. it would be stressful to have no talent.

She's even sick of the first place now. Feeling bored, she was thinking whether she should retire and rest a bit, but her beloved little brother caused big trouble. What can I do? My little brother wants to do it. It's an older sister's duty to act as his shield, and I won't die from doing it for a few years more—so just for a bit longer, I'd have to stay in the first place for him.

Kim Wooshik (Male, 20) National track and field athlete

He lost his parents at a young age and was raised by his grandmother. Unlike someone his age, he believes in superstitions. But rather than saying he believes in them, it's more like he's familiar about life and is treated as a precocious child. His self-sufficient grandmother clothed him in cleanly washed clothes even though they're old, and did everything she can so that Wooshik can grow up as a bright and optimistic person. Wooshik, who grew up just like how she raised him to be, was perfectly kind and honest. He wasn't good at studying but he was smart; his hands were slow but his feet were fast. Naturally, Wooshik chose track and field. It was also a sport that he could do even with no money. He fell in love at first sight after watching Seongyeom's race, ran all the way with Seongyeom as his goal, and became a national athlete. It's his wish to run a relay race in the same competition with Seongyeom before the latter retires. No records or competition, just as Ki Seongyeom and Kim Wooshik.

He once saw a passage that said forgiveness is the biggest revenge. That's like saying the powerless can't do anything but to forgive. Ever since his days in  sports high school, he experienced countless assaults and abuse under the force of power. And you say that's the biggest revenge? It was a day when he got beaten by his seniors as usual. He roughly wiped the blood from his nose using his sleeves. The superstitions Wooshik believed in were of no help at all in the face of reality. The one who offered Wooshik practical help was Seongyeom. He told him that forgiving is the victim's right. He told him that he doesn't need to forgive if he doesn't want to. As the only person who told him that, how could Wooshik not admire him.

Kwon Young-il (Male, 29) National track and field athlete

South Korea's track and field record holder. As the best sprinter, he lives up to his reputation of South Korea's No.1 track and field athlete who receives unconditional support from track and field fans. He's a narcissist who cares about nothing but himself, but takes an interest only in Seongyeom. It's because he's jealous.  Whenever he's free, he picks a quarrel with the forever runner-up Seongyeom and ends up saying foolish words. I'm the real first placer, but why does it feel like I'm being pushed back by Ki Seongyeom every single time?

But still, as Seongyeom's long-time colleague, and as a sportsman, he's a friend who supports Seongyeom for the path he's going.

Kim Hyunjin (Male, early 40s) Assemblyman Ki Jeongdo's aide

Would there be another expression that puts a limit on Hyunjin as much as the phrase "aide by nature" does? However, he is a capable aide—to the level that everyone would agree in unison—who grasps everything about the Ki family, including Assemblyman Ki himself. He's machine-like, making one wonder if his heart is made of steel; he does not feel things like conscience and warmth.

Park May (Female, 35) CEO of imported film distributor May

Her name was originally Maehwi. Was it her dad's poor hearing, or her mom's poor pronunciation? Her dad, who heard Maehwi as May, registered her birth with the name "May". For a long time, her mom called her Maehwi and her dad called her May. To May, the actual party concerned, it didn't matter whatever they called her by. What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet.

May believed in fundamental things. This was also due to her peaceful and cool nature; is it because of that? Entering a translation and interpreting university at the top of her class and finishing her studies in a graduate school of the same expertise, she was walking the so-called elite course. But then she set aside her career path and went into foreign film translation. The reason was simple. Because films are fun, but film festivals are freaking fun. She was in Busan when she first met Mijoo. At the Busan International Film Festival, which she skipped her class for, their sharing of the same bed at the guesthouse was the beginning of their relationship. After getting to know her, she found out that she's a distant junior of hers under the same department in their university. Mijoo was 21.

There is no bad Mijoo in this world. This is the pet theory of May as the dog owner of Mijoo. Mijoo—rough and clumsy, which makes her cute and pure too—was like a dog sometimes, she had no hesitations in baring her claws at arrogant things. From then on, May took it upon herself to be the dog owner. She was worried. If Mijoo meets a good person, it feels like she'd overcome her struggles and become extremely successful*, and if she meets a bad person, it feels like she'd get stabbed with a knife in the midst of selling drugs in a backstreet. All or nothing—Mijoo, who has no in between, didn't have a lot of things. She said she's never met a nice adult in her 20 years of life. Ah... I'm stuck. No choice, I'd have to be the nice adult for Mijoo, she decided**. Just like that, she spent around 10 years of time with her, as a senior and roommate.

She had more curiosity and energy before compared to now, but she feels no excitement nor interest in whatever she does these days. When she was young, she simply felt that her older seniors were cool, but now that she's at that age, she understood. There's just no fun in doing anything. She's done them all, tasted them all; the energy she used to pour out without reservation had been exhausted since long time ago.

Around that period of ennui in her life, an unsavory incident broke out in the translation industry she's been working in. She left translation behind and set up an imported film distributing company. As a small company that mainly imported independent films and art films, it involved a lot of legwork, so business trips is a norm. Her dream was to be a salaried employee for a lifetime, but why'd she become a CEO? CEOs like salaries too.. she didn't know of this fact until she became one herself. Is this, depressing? May, who was mentally healthy, immediately began her visits to the psychiatrist. Antidepressants help people who help themselves, and May wants to help herself properly. And since she's on it already, it's better to be bright and healthy.

T/N: * The idiom used in the original text is 개천에서 용 난다, which literally means "a dragon rises up from a creek." Often translated as "rags to riches," it is used to refer to someone from a humble background who overcame their hardships and became extremely successful.

** A longer translation that would more properly express the nuance of the original sentence would be:  May decided that: I'm not the best choice, but since there's no one else to do it, there's no choice but for me, at least, to be the good adult for Mijoo.

(orig post link from writer Park Shihyun’s DC gallery post)

#run on #run on trans #run on kdrama #run on drama #runon #run on jtbc #jtbc run on #run on icons #jtbc #kdrama #korean drama

[seance]

jatp as bodies of water

a character analysis based on this gifset.

first of all, a disclaimer: this was just me and @snakebitescar having fun , we perfectly know this is still a kid show and it’s not that deep™ but i, personally, find this type of speculations really interesting. kinda all or nothing, you know? i don’t usually dwell on more superficial hcs because i’m drawn to this kind of symbolism the most. that said we just thought we share, no pressure to rb or anything. i apologize for the small text but this got long i don’t want to spam anyone’s dash too much. 

luke as the ocean

I purposefully chose to use not just any view of the ocean, but a glimpse of a stormy one. What makes it so fitting in my eyes is that the ocean, by its nature, is limitless and unknowable but it’s not deceiving in any way. It’s powerful and overpowering but it appears as it is: vast and full of hidden depths.

Luke’s greatest strength is his energy, his uncompromising passion, his determination, his willingness to risk it all for what he believes in and for the people he loves. He needs to always be in motion, he needs to know he’s moving forward, towards something greater, something that will make every sacrifice and every loss worth it. Behind every gesture, every word, every action there’s something more, something deeper (like a wound that never really closed, an unfathomable regret, a simmering anger sparked by the betrayal of a friend).

He doesn’t really hide who he is or what he thinks but he will always, like the ocean, keep surprising those around him with new aspects of his exuberance, his creativity, his sociability. Just like the ocean, bound by no borders, Luke is free to be everything at once.

reggie as the lake

The lake can be peaceful and embracing or brooding and stagnant. It’s the only body of water that doesn’t flow somewhere, it appears motionless on the surface but in reality it hides dangerous underwater currents, unpredictable whirlpools and often deadly murky terrains.

Lakes represent the need for security, they are places of painful transformations, both cradle and trap. Basing some of our assumption on Luke’s words about Reggie’s less than ideal home-life, the parallel between the lake’s dual nature and how he expresses (or rather suppresses) his emotions came naturally. One of the main differences between Reggie and everyone else is that he’s never confrontational. He always works towards de-escalating the situation, he’s probably used to conceal any negative emotion to not add fuel to the fire, he tends to always follow and never lead.

This doesn’t mean he feels less than everybody else, every now and then those very emotions he tries so hard to control shine through and we see how actually scared he is, how he craves stability and security. He dreads any changes that have to do with the unknown or the possibility of his support system failing (“Do we all still get to hang out together?”) Just like the lake he’s both still and turbulent, constantly edging between relying on what is safe or taking the odd risk.

alex as the river

Alex was maybe the most complex to analyze out of the four of them. I’m a firm believer that anyone is entitled to their own headcanons and their own interpretation of a character but I must admit, I can’t really get behind some fandom takes that systematically reduce Reggie to his goofy side or Alex to his anxiety because as I see it, they both hold so much potential.

Rivers are an indomitable force. They flow for miles, from mountain to sea, sometimes dwindling but never drying up completely. They dig their way forward and they endure. Rivers are symbols of sensitivity and empathy but they can also be forceful and overflowing, almost too much to bear all at once.

Alex is highly emotional, for better or worse that’s what makes him such an interesting character. He’s not just his anxiety but he’s always straightforward about his emotions and his thoughts. Unlike Reggie we often see him question Luke’s opinion, he doesn’t shy away from commenting on the current situation, if he’s feeling anxious or happy or sad or angry he’s open about it, he wants the others to know.

Alex had to hide a big part of his identity for we don’t know how long and that surely played its part in worsening his fears but what we do know is that he had the courage to come out and live his truth, despite the negative outcome. When he decides to do something he pours all of himself into it, he’s proactive, he’s honest (sometimes too honest), he’s afraid of change but still faces it head first.

Just like a river plunges through deep ravines and spreads out over wide planes, he can act as a leading force if needed, making others see things from a different perspective (him talking to Julie about the Patterson, for example). He’s captivating and intense, Willie fell for him deep and fast and vice versa. Alex immediately offered the truest form of himself (his interest and his awkwardness and his anxiety) with no compromise. That’s part of the reason Willie’s betrayal stung so much I believe (“I thought we were having fun together” meaning Alex never thought of acting any differently from who he really is, what he was putting on the table was his raw and flawed self and Willie’s hesitation felt like a rejection).

Just like the river, Alex is committed and open about where he comes from and where he’s going.

julie as the waterfall

While every other body of water is somehow linked to the imaginary of life and death (the ocean gave us life but it can take it back just as easily, the river mythologically represents the boundaries between the two worlds, lakes are the dwelling places of monsters or other insidious creatures) waterfalls are usually seen as magical elements. They’re young, fresh, unafraid and most importantly, alive. They represent the calling for adventure, the restlessness that comes from wanting to always try new things, to explore your own potential.

Julie, above all, is her own character. All her relationships are deeply meaningful but they just add to an already strong identity. She’s energetic and she’s resourceful and she’s strong in the truest sense of the term because she isn’t afraid to hurt or to admit her limits (“I tried for mom, for you, even for me. I’m tired”). Julie is the main engine of the entire narrative because she represents, quite literally, the life force of the band. She doesn’t just go along with their wishes, she finds a balance with the boys and she isn’t afraid to call it quits when her trust is betrayed, she’s their equal in all things and she inspires respect.

Just like the waterfall rushes down perilously from any height, Julie launches herself in the new possibilities the band has to offer, she claws her way out of her grief and she gets involved without sparing herself. She’s eager, she’s passionate and she’s creative and she always has a new input to offer.

#ari.txt #text #julie and the phantoms #i really need a tag for this kind of rambling #oh well #always feeling Too Much for fictional characters in this chili's tonight

[bnhayyy]

Painful Truths

Wordcount: 6.6k

Series Tag: Click

Ao3 Link: Click

Notes: The second fic in this series! Re-posted because an error was keeping my posts from showing up in the tags when I originally posted it.

Summary: Reiner found out that he wasn't who he thought he was and became a warrior for his family's sake. Two years later, his mission is to assist the other warriors in retrieving the founding titan. It should be fairly straightforward. His history with them makes it complicated.

Or;

After inheriting the armored titan, Reiner travels to Paradis to join the other warriors, where he struggles with who he is and what he needs them to believe.

There had always been a little bit of tension in his family. It was faint enough that he could forget it was there most of the time. He'd only remember in the odd moments, like when his mother told him that she expected great things from him, yet her face flickered with fear when he said that he was going to climb up the ranks of Marley's military. Or when he'd asked who his father was and she'd been too quick to brush the question off. Those odd moments were rare though, and the tension they created was obscured in the shadow of warmth and contentment.

Now the room was cold and the tension unignorable, for it had long since dragged them all down.

It was amazing how things could change in a relatively short period of time.

Two years ago, Reiner had been a proud member of the Marleyan Junior Military. Now...

Now, he could barely recognize himself. In more ways than one.

His family hadn't featured heavily in his life for the past two years. They played the most important role in it, but that didn't mean he had seen them. His life had been a constant haze of training and struggling and trying not to think too heavily about what had happened or what was to come. (Trying not to think about himself.) There had been a few visits with his family as they settled into the Internment Zone, but they were infrequent, short, and closely monitored.

It wasn't any wonder that none of them could seem to think of anything to say.

Reiner couldn't bring himself to look at anyone for too long. His aunt's face was sympathetic, pitying, but with a hint of indistinct bitterness hidden just behind her eyes. His uncle was tense and angry. Not angry at Reiner; his expression shifted into something closer to discomfort when he looked at him. The anger ignited in his gaze when he looked at his mother.

Karina Braun was seated as far away as she could get from all parties at the circular table - or maybe it was as far as they could get from her. Although she shifted and fidgeted, lips even twitching like she might say something a few times, her expression was largely shuttered off. If she was feeling any anger, any guilt, she was certainly hiding it too well for Reiner to tell.

It hurt, but he couldn't say that it was a surprising hurt anymore.

He loved his mother. He'd also had two years to get used to the fact that she was a liar.

There was one person at the table who was harder to read than his mother though. His five-year-old cousin sat tucked closely up against her mother, staring down at the table. Her face was totally obscured from view, just as it had been the entire short-but-too-long time that he had been there so far. He wasn't all too sure what to make of that.

Maybe that was why he thought it would be a good idea to try and talk to her.

Reiner cleared his throat, then tentatively began, "Gabi-" 

He didn't get any further. Gabi's head snapped up to reveal red-rimmed eyes that glittered with hurt, accusation, and disgust; a fury that made his words die in his mouth. "Don't talk to me, devil!" she spat. 

Quick as a flash, the girl pushed herself out of her chair and raced out of the room. His uncle called out to her and moved to follow, and Reiner - Reiner just watched. All he could do was watch. An indescribable feeling had wormed its way into his chest, squeezing his lungs and making him feel queasy at the same time. It was something like hurt, but tinted by acceptance, the knowledge that he couldn't really blame her for what she was saying, could not protest it. 

Mostly, it made him feel sick. 

His aunt turned to him with wide eyes that seemed caught somewhere between panic and desperation. "I'm so sorry, Reiner," she said. He couldn't help but notice that it was one of the first times she'd said his name since - before. "I don't know what she-" 

"It's fine," Reiner cut her off. He smiled, a movement of the lips that should have been simple, but felt stiff and jerky. "She's within her rights." 

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed his mother sit up a little straighter. He wondered, then, how she would have reacted if he had gone as far as to say 'she's right'. Because Gabi was right; he couldn't very well get upset with her for calling him a devil when he could turn into a monster in the blink of an eye. When he had gotten that power by being turned into a mindless beast and devouring someone. What did you call someone like that if not a devil in human form? 

His aunt frowned. "She isn't-" 

Reiner tried a different tactic. "These past two years haven't been easy on her, right? She's five years old, and as far as she's concerned, I'm the reason this happened. She has the right to be upset."

Out of the corner of his eyes, he noticed his uncle re-approach the room, only to stop and linger in the entryway.  

His aunt's expression softened marginally. "This isn't your fault," she said. Her gaze slid over to his mother, where it sharpened into something accusatory. For her part, his mother's jaw stiffened and her gaze darted down, but she didn't say anything.

"Lyra," his uncle grumbled. 

"Well, someone had to say something," his aunt snapped. 

Reiner forced a thin smile. "I should be going," he lied. 

His aunt nodded, the conflict that danced across her features whenever she saw him momentarily falling away in favor of a singularly somber expression. "Good luck," she said. 

"Thanks," Reiner murmured. He moved to stand, only for his mother to mimic the action.

He froze, his mind going blank despite his desperate scramble to figure out how to react. That hesitation cost him. "Reiner," his mother began.

Thankfully, the sound of her voice snapped him back to his senses. He took a step back and shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I need to be back soon," he insisted.

It was a blatant lie. He had been given permission to take all night on this visit if he wanted, since it would probably be his last one before being shipped out to Paradis. That was why it wasn't monitored either; a gesture of consideration for Marley's newest living weapon. However, he suddenly wished that it was timed and monitored. At least there would have been an excuse for the tense and broken atmosphere. Instead, there was this, an uncomfortable meeting filled with unspoken words and painful looks, a testament to how very wrong things had gone.

He wondered if it would get better with him gone.

He wondered if it was possible for it to get worse.

Reiner turned to head out of the room. The sound of footsteps alerted him to his mother following him. He didn't stop or turn to face her, just kept walking - out of the room, into the hallway, over to the doorway. Nearly out of the shoddy little house in the internment zone that his family had been relegated to. Almost out of this uncomfortable situation.

Yet he stopped when he reached the door. Seconds later, a hand reached out to grasp him by the shoulder.

Reiner closed his eyes and, just for a moment, allowed himself to feel tired. Not scared - he couldn't afford to be scared for even a moment, not when he was so close to being sent out and making himself useful and proving that he wasn't evil - but tired. The past couple of years had drained him in a way that he had never expected and he wanted nothing more than to run home and curl up and sleep, or maybe run away completely. It was hard to tell one want from the other these days. He couldn't afford to do that though. For his family's sake, he had to keep pushing through.

That would probably mean horrible things while he was at Paradis. Things that he couldn't even begin to imagine. For now, it meant facing his mother.

He opened his eyes and turned around. His mother had a sad look on her face. It made her look far older than she was, putting stress around her eyes and lines around her lips. Seeing it made a pang of pain echo in Reiner's chest. He wanted to apologize, to say something that would make her feel better. There was nothing he could think of that felt like it would actually do anything to help though. Nothing he could say would change what he was, what was happening, or what would happen if he failed.

Worse yet, despite the sadness that her expression planted inside him, he couldn't shake the feeling that she should be the one to say something. A horrible emptiness in his chest that couldn't be filled by anything he said simply because he would be the one saying it.

They only stood there without saying anything for a second. He knew it was only a second, but it still managed to feel like forever. That forever grew impossibly longer when his mother moved to open her mouth. Reiner's chest still ached, but now there was something that almost felt like hope twining at the edges of that ache. 

"Come home safe," she said. 

Reiner smiled, a simple motion of the lips that he could feel didn't reach his eyes. Tried not to feel how the emptiness in his chest got a little bit bigger, because there were more important things to focus on. Forced himself not to think about how there was no such thing as safe for him, because at least he could make sure that there was for his family. 

"I will," he said. 

Reiner had come to terms with the fact that his mother was a liar. 

He hated that he couldn't tell if he was one as well. 

***

Paradis was haunting.

There were no people beyond the dropoff point; just the lumbering devils meant to entrap the more human-looking ones behind the walls. He'd known to expect it, but actually seeing it was something else entirely. Actually seeing them.

For the first several titans, he kept wanting to freeze up. To stop and stare. The only thing that stopped him was the instructions that had been drilled firmly into his head. He was to stay in his titan form for as long as he could physically bear and run. Hide if he reached a point where he absolutely could bear it any longer and had to leave his titan, but do not actually rest except for at night, and always get moving again before the sun rose. Keep up the momentum until he reached the second of the devil's walls.

Magath hadn't said as much, not blatantly, but Reiner understood. He would be running for his life until he was inside the walls.

Not even the holders of one of the nine were truly safe from being devoured. And if that happened to him, he would have failed in his mission before he'd even truly begun.

It took him until he was nearly at the third wall - the broken wall - to get used to the titans and fall into a rhythm. By that point, it was almost easy.

It stopped being such after he reached it.

Actually getting inside was an easy affair. All he had to do was come in through the giant hole that had to have been made by Bertolt. It was what he saw once he was inside that almost made him falter. 

Paradis as a whole was haunting. The abandoned third wall was something else entirely.

The ruins of a town greeted him; some of the larger buildings still standing tall while others, namely houses and shops, laid collapsed beneath rumble and the impact of giant feet. A handful of titans wandered the area, hopelessly searching for humans amidst wreckage that had long since been picked clean. If he stopped to look, he was sure that he would have even found bodies from people who had died before the titans could reach them. 

He didn't stop to look. Reiner barely allowed himself to take in the sight of the town, or process the uncomfortable twinge in his gut, before continuing on to the hole that lead to the inner wall. It was ragged and rough, only just large enough for the largest of the mindless titans to get through. One look was enough to tell him that it was the cart titan’s - Pieck’s - work. Her titan wasn’t built for brute force, but it was dexterous that she could have torn the gate down and ravaged the weakened structure surrounding it until the hole was large enough. The whole thing probably took less than a minute.

(Less than a minute to cause all this devastation.)

None of the places he passed in there were quite as ravaged as the site of the initial breach. Even so, they were ghost towns, each showing their own signs of devastation and all void of human life. Reiner didn't let himself pay much attention to any of them. Instead, as he pushed through that last stretch of desolate land, he started to think about the warriors. 

Marcel had been the leader. How were the other three managing without him? He knew that they had trained for years, having watched them and now actually felt his own version of it, so he knew that they shouldn't have let the mission fall apart completely. None of them would have been able to step up and fill Marcel's shoes though. They just couldn't. That meant that they had to be struggling, that they must have veered off their path. 

It was supposed to be Reiner's job to get them back on that path. However, as the second wall drew into sight, a horrible thought occurred to him. He had barely interacted with any of the other warriors without Marcel present, and never in a friendly way. 

Marcel wouldn't be inside that wall though. Only him. 

***

Wall Maria had fallen over two years ago, yet its loss still echoed throughout Wall Rose. 

Reiner had been told the names of the walls before he left for Paradis, but they never really seemed to stick before. They were just walls. Being inside them made them something more. He wasn't sure he liked it, but it gave them a weight and presence greater than the thought of them had ever carried back on the mainland. It was so ingrained into the people of this place that even he could feel it. And hear it. With how often the names of those walls were murmured within this place, it was impossible to think about any of them without attaching a name. Even Wall Maria.

Especially Wall Maria.

There were refugees everywhere. Two years after the fall of Wall Maria and many of them simply hadn't been able to find a place within Wall Rose - especially the children. The communal hostels that served as refugee housing were overflowing with them - again, especially children.

It was after he noticed all the children that he noticed just how few adult refugees there were, comparatively. Then he remembered that Wall Maria had been the largest of the walls. And he realized that there were too few refugees in general.

Reiner fought down the chill that threatened to creep up his spine. He reminded himself that the territory was absolutely flooded with titans. It made sense that not a lot of people would have gotten out alive. And if, even after taking that into consideration, it still didn't make sense... These were island devils. He wouldn't be surprised to hear that they had done something horrible in the name of maintaining resources. They had probably been happy to turn on each other.

(He had gotten a few concerned looks when people realized he was alone, but those had to be flukes. Everyone knew that these people didn't truly care for their children, and even in a world where they did, he was fourteen now. More than old enough for war.)

The hostels were uncomfortable. Even after two years, the air in them was heavy with grief and despair. It was too many people in too close of quarters, a lack of space causing everyone's losses bleeding into everyone else's. Yet because it had been two years, he also glimpsed rare flickers of joy and laughter. It molded into an odd sort of dichotomy that clawed at his skin and made it itch in a way he couldn't quite describe.

Even if he didn't like the hostels, they were useful. The warriors had to be posing as refugees. That meant that if he searched them all, he would eventually find them. The fact that he was supposed to find them quickly didn't cause as much stress as he had almost expected it to. Moving quickly just meant that he had to abandon a hostel as soon as he'd confirmed that they weren't in it, and he didn't like to linger anyway.

(Thoughts happened when he lingered around those people for too long. For a second or two, he'd almost forget that these were island devils, that they deserved what they were getting. He'd almost see them as people.

He almost felt sorry for them.)

***

It took him a few weeks to find them.

When he did, he immediately realized that he was going to need one more day.

He hadn't planned on taking the extra time. The plan had been to walk right over to them, get them to agree to talk somewhere private, and then explain the situation - or as much of the situation as he was allowed to explain.

Then he caught a glimpse of Annie Leonhart in a food line.

It was definitely her. Even after two years, Reiner had no trouble recognizing her. After spending the past weeks scouring Wall Rose for her, Bertolt, and Pieck, he knew it was her in a heartbeat. The trouble was that just as he had been searching for them for weeks, he had been readying himself for the confrontation that was to come for even longer. He should have been prepared. Yet the second he saw her, something in his chest seized up and everything came crashing down on him all at once.

Icy blue eyes turned his way, and he turned around and ran off before they could meet his own

Reiner tucked himself into his cubby in the latest hostel - the one that he now knew probably housed them as well, and forced himself to breathe. He also tried not to think. On that account, he was a miserable failure. Thoughts came crashing down over him with the force of a tsunami, everything that he'd been trying to keep out of his mind for so long. Everything that he couldn't allow himself to think.

The people on this island deserved what had happened to them because they were Eldian. He shouldn't feel sorry for them because they were Eldian. Except he was part Eldian now. It was true that they were island Eldians, that they were supposed to be worse than the mainland Eldians, but... the truth was, back when he was able to call himself Marleyan, he'd never really cared about the difference between the island Eldians and the ones in the internment zone. He knew in the abstract sense that there were truly evil, monstrous people off on the island, but the knowledge that the mainland Eldians were better than them never really affected the way he treated them.

It never affected the way he treated the warrior candidates.

Marley said that the people on this island deserved what had happened to them because of what they were, but the truth was, the mainland Eldians were only a single step above them in their eyes. And now Reiner was one of them.

Except he wasn't. He was a warrior now, the armored titan.

He was a warrior now, and he'd always treated the warriors like the other Eldians. Special Eldians, living weapons, useful tools for Marley and interesting things to stare at, but Eldians nonetheless. He'd treated them like the other mainland Eldians, and in Marley's eyes, the mainland Eldians were truly only a single step up from the islanders. And Reiner was like them.

Reiner was a devil. A devil and a hypocrite. And now the other warriors were going to find out.

Reiner held a hand over his mouth to hold back a scream or a gag - he wasn't sure which.

They might not remember, he frantically reminded himself. Now that he brought it up, he realized that he needed them not to remember. He was very specifically not supposed to tell anyone about his heritage, the warriors included. If they wanted an explanation, he wouldn't be able to provide one. Of course, even if they did remember, even if they wanted an explanation, it wouldn't matter. He was there on Marley's orders, which meant that they couldn't reject his presence. Whatever they ultimately thought of him, he would just have to live with it and continue the mission.

That was the scariest part. Even if he'd tried to avoid thinking about the finer details of his reuniting with the warriors, their past together and the possibility of grudges and the implications, he'd known that it was inevitable. It was also only one event. That had made it easier to avoid thinking about it. Even now that he felt like he was drowning in the reality of it, it made it a little easier to accept that he would have to walk up to the warriors and (re)introduce himself. It was just one thing, and once it was done, it was done.

But he wouldn't be done afterward.

There was nothing that could happen to change the nature of his existence. There was nothing he could do to change whatever they may think of him. He would always be a devil who hadn't been for the first twelve years of his life, and he would always know that there was no going back. Even if he succeeded in this mission, he would never be what he had been before. He knew that. He had tried so hard not to think about it, but he knew it. His family knew it as well. Even though he would fight for them, when the time came for them to return to society, he wouldn't be able to go with them. He would always be this. And now Bertolt and Annie and... Pieck... and...

Marcel.

Marcel would never learn the truth. Reiner couldn't bring himself to be happy about it, considering the reason why. He also refused to wonder about how he would have reacted if he had been able to find out. Even now, that thought remained firmly locked behind a wall in his mind. Yet behind that wall and the increased pain in his chest, the thought of Marcel brought with it an unexpected ray of light.

Marcel had been an Eldian and he'd been alright.

...No. He had been more than alright. Marcel had been a good person. He had been an Eldian, but he had deserved better than to be eaten by some random titan on this hellish island.

Reiner wished he had allowed Marcel to be his friend when he had the chance.

It had been so easy to dismiss Marcel's friendliness at the moment. Now that he looked back, he could see that it wasn't a convoluted act, and he wasn't doing it to try and win points with an Eldian. He probably would have been better off if he had just left him alone, all things considered. But he hadn't, because that just wasn't what he was like. Marcel was the sort of person who reached out and made people's lives better.

The warriors had to be lost without Marcel, and Reiner didn't know how he could live with himself going forward. But if he just became Marcel...

Maybe all their problems would be solved.

***

Reiner sought the warriors out the next day.

He didn't bother leaving the hostel. The sun was barely breaking over the horizon; they would probably be inside, and this was the only refugee housing within the area. They had to be there. More than simple logic, it was a feeling in his gut. This would be the day he joined them.

Indeed, it didn't take long for him to find them. Pieck Finger was sitting on a cot, legs dangling over the side. It was pushed up close to another cot, only about two feet of room between them there most cots had about five or six. Two people were sitting in the space between the cots. Reiner could make out the side of Bertolt Hoover's face. By his shoulder, barely peeking over the edge of Pieck's cot, was a blonde head of hair that had to be Annie Leonhart.

For a moment, Reiner felt a lump in his throat and a stutter in his heart. Then he forced himself not to feel them and did what Marcel would have.

He stepped forward and smiled.

The warriors were deep in a whispered conversation. Pieck's expression was casual, a small grin on her face, but he thought he could catch faint notes of stress. Bertolt looked worried, but that was hardly an uncommon expression on him. Similarly, Annie's expression was as unreadable as he remembered, although her eyes were sharp and alert. Their attention firmly trained on each other, it looked like they hadn't noticed him yet.

(They hadn't noticed him yet. He could still run away.)

Reiner cleared his throat.

All three of them looked his way immediately. However, it took a little while for their brains to process what they were seeing.

Pieck was the fastest. Over the course of a few seconds, her smile faded into a frown. He thought he might have seen something shadowed surface in her eyes, but as he watched her, he realized that for all of his attempts at observation, he hadn't paid enough attention to the cart titan to be able to accurately read her now. Meanwhile, Bertolt's eyes widened and his expression switched from vague worry to undeniable fear.

Annie was the slowest to process. She stared at him blankly for several seconds after her comrades had reacted. However, just as Reiner began to think that maybe she wouldn't, just as the anxiety writhing under his skin began to turn into a sting rather than a burn and he started to prepare himself to speak, her eyes flared with recognition. She rushed to her feet, and suddenly Reiner was pinned to the cold cement floor, Annie kneeling on his chest with an arm pressed against his throat.

"Annie!" Bertolt cried.

"What are you doing here?" Annie spat.

Reiner knew what he was supposed to say. Marley had drilled it into him, and just in case it somehow wasn't enough, he'd stayed up the entire night before going over and perfecting his script. Yet now that he was being asked, he couldn't find the words.

Part of it was the pounding of his heart, the feelings that he wasn't supposed to feel and trying so desperately to lock away. Most of it was the sudden lack of air in his lungs, the arm on his throat, and the knee pressed against his sternum.

He couldn't let that stop him. He was supposed to be a warrior now; he had to play his part and act like it.

"I'm..." the first word got past his throat, then died out with a wheeze. He took a gasping breath and tried again. "I'm here to help you."

Annie narrowed her eyes. Her lips parted, but the sound of gentle footsteps made her close them again. Pieck came to a stop beside Reiner's head and peered down at him for a second, gaze curious and unreadable, then said, "let him up, Annie."

Annie eyed Pieck, but didn't move.

Pieck didn't seem particularly phased. She simply jerked her head to the side and said, "let's find somewhere private to talk." Her voice, while soft, was heavy with implications.

The arm pressing against his neck made for a significant obstacle, but Reiner strained his head to peer in the direction Pieck had motioned. A small crowd was beginning to gather from the commotion. Of course. If one of the islanders overheard...

"Fine," Annie murmured.

She cast one last glare at Reiner before getting off. Neither she nor either of the other warriors offered him a hand up, and he didn't look for one. He pushed himself up off the ground and was back on his feet as soon as physically possible.

Pieck gave him one last long look, then began walking down the long line of cots that made the communal sleeping area. Reiner hesitated only for a second before following. He didn't dare look at Bertolt, who he could hear walking beside him, or Annie, who he knew was following from behind.

It was hard to ignore the eyes he could feel boring into the back of his skull, but he thought he did a decent job of at least not visibly acknowledging them.

Pieck lead them deep into the bowels of the hostel, past several little off-shooting hallways, all the way to a small, secluded room that Reiner suspected was an oversized but empty supplies closet. There, she closed the door once all three of them were inside before turning around and saying, "talk."

Reiner swallowed down his fear and forced himself to do exactly that. "Like I said before, I'm here to help you."

It wasn't enough of an explanation. He knew it wasn't much of an explanation; his plan had been to start off simply and ease his way into explaining everything. However, once the words had left his mouth, he realized that it may have been smarter of him to just get everything out at once.

Pieck's frown deepened and Bertolt managed to look even more anxious than before. Annie's narrowed in a way that suggested she was imagining slamming him into the floor again. Those eyes were what confirmed to him that he definitely should have said everything right off the bat. Unfortunately, that realization didn't come quickly enough for him to double back and add anything else.

"You. A lone, undertrained, Marleyan soldier?" Annie asked.

Reiner swallowed heavily. She was right; the scenario she painted made no sense. He shouldn't even have graduated from the Marleyan Junior Military into the military proper yet, let alone be trusted enough for a mission to Paradis. Never mind that Marleyans almost never went further than the outermost edges of the island; that was what Eldian warriors were for. It would make no sense for the Reiner she knew to be here; the Reiner she had doubtlessly just reminded her comrades of. Except...

"I don't know what you're talking about," Reiner said.

"Excuse me?" Annie asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Reiner repeated. "I'm not Marleyan."

After all of his preparation, the lie came out more smoothly than he had expected.

Terrifyingly easily.

(Probably because a portion of it was true.)

Annie's eyes widened and her lips parted as her unflappable mask fell away to shock. Bertolt's face, on the other hand, went oddly blank. He squinted at Reiner, searching for something that couldn't quite be named. Both of them were dead quiet.

Pieck was different. She took the unthinkable (yet undeniable) statement with uncanny ease, stepping forward and canting her head a little to the side. "Is that so?" she asked.

There was a glimmer in her eyes. Reiner couldn't read it, didn't know if it was good or bad, and couldn't say that he liked it. It made him think about how he had labeled Pieck odd and suspicious as a child, but mostly let her fade into the background. He wondered if he may have been wrong not to pay more attention to her. Regardless, there was nothing to be done about it.

"Yeah," Reiner said. "I'm-" His voice caught. It was just for a moment, just a few seconds, but it was a catch that he couldn't afford. Behavior like that wouldn't make sense if he really was someone else, and he needed them to believe that they were someone else. Even if it meant second-guessing their own memories. "I'm the inheritor of the armored titan; Marley sent me to help you in your mission following the loss of the Jaw."

Pieck's eyes widened. He could see the cogs turning in her mind. If only he could see what conclusion they were leading her to.

"Bullshit!" Annie cried. She stepped forward, glare boring into him with a passion that he hadn't known she was capable of. "I remember you, Reiner! You're the Marleyan asshole who-"

"You're thinking of someone else," Reiner interrupted. He couldn't tell if he was imagining the desperate edge in his voice. He hoped that he was. Desperation wouldn't bode well for his case either. Just in case, he pulled his voice back a bit, trying to go for smooth and controlled as he continued, "my name is Reiner Braun, but I can't be the person you're thinking of."

In the background, Bertolt frowned and wrinkled his brow. A seed of doubt? If it was, he couldn't afford to try and confirm or lean into it, because Annie took that moment to take another step toward him. Reiner automatically took a step back. The edge of his heel bumped against the wall as he did, informing him that he wouldn't be able to take another.

"I'm the armored titan," he insisted. "I can prove it if you want. Give me a knife, the cut will steam and heal. But I can't be who you're thinking of." He swallowed, just to make sure that his voice didn't falter again. "Marleyans can't be titans."

Pieck blinked, and for one terrifying second, Reiner thought he saw the glimmer in her eyes grow into a flash. Then she was bright and composed, her expression turned up into a smile. "You're right," she said, voice smooth and clear. "Marleyans can't be titans. Don't worry, Reiner. You don't have to do anything like that; I believe you." She shot Bertolt and Annie a glance as she added, "I don't know how you could make it all the way to Wall Rose if you weren't."

"She's right," Bertolt murmured, voice caught somewhere between shock and a revelation.

"Maybe he is," Annie said. "But that doesn't-"

"It's like he said," Pieck cut her off. "You must be thinking of someone else."

Now it was Reiner's turn to stare. He knew that he had to convince them that he wasn't who he was, but he hadn't expected it to be that simple. It couldn't be that simple. What was she-

Annie moved to speak again, but Pieck beat her to it. Her expression shifted into something grave and a new weight entered her voice as she spoke. "Annie. If Marley says he's someone else, he's someone else."

Reiner's blood ran cold. That wasn't... was that okay? He wasn't supposed to tell anyone about his family. Technically he hadn't, but that sounded dangerously like Pieck might have figured it out, or was at least coming close. Was that okay?

No. No, it couldn't be. Even if he hadn't told her, it would still mean that she knew the truth. That could too easily turn into the warriors knowing the truth. He couldn't trust them with that information. What if decided that they wanted revenge for how he treated them before? His family could be hurt. Worse than hurt, that could be-

No. That wasn't going to happen. It wasn't too late yet. Pieck might suspect and Annie wasn't going to be convinced easily, but they were going to be on this island for a while. If he just kept pretending that they hadn't met before today, they were bound to start believing him anyway. Especially if he didn't act like the person they had known back then.

That settled it. Reiner was supposed to keep the warriors on track, they needed Marcel to keep them on track, and he needed to be someone else.

While they were on this island, Reiner would be Marcel in all but name. He would pretend that he always had been, that the Marleyan boy who poked at the warrior candidates had been the one who died.

He would keep pretending until they believed it.

"I supposed I should get you caught up then?" Pieck asked.

Reiner blinked as he was pulled back into reality. A quick glance around the room showed that although Pieck was still standing in front of him and smiling unreadably, Bertolt and Annie had moved. They were standing by the door together now, murmuring to each other while shooting Reiner and Pieck brief glances. Annie was back to her normal blank expression, while Bertolt looked caught somewhere between nervous and hopeful.

Clearing his throat, Reiner tried to look like he hadn't zoned out.

"That would be a good idea," he said.

Now the mission would truly begin.

***

The plan was to join the military when the training corps started in under a month. Apparently, the royal family seen by the public wasn't the real deal. They needed to get into the military police so they could get into the interior and find the real royal family - and thus the founding titan.

It should have been a heavy weight on his mind, the sort of shadow that consumed all else. Instead, Reiner found himself looking forward to it.

(At least he would only need to put on one act for the island devils.)

In the meantime, he and the warriors had begun to hit a rhythm. It was stilted and uncomfortable, but it was something, and it would improve as they learned to work with each other. There were small bright spots as well. For one thing, Pieck seemed content not to ask questions. He hoped that meant that it wouldn't be too hard to get her to think what he needed her to think.

(He was scared of the alternative.)

Bertolt definitely believed him. He was simply too nice for the alternative. Unsure and awkward, yes, but he seemed to be making a genuine effort to make friends. No way would he do that if he had held onto the connection between Reiner and the Marleyan boy who'd used his position to bully the warrior candidates.

Annie was another matter.

One evening, as Reiner was listening to Bertolt talk about the gear the islanders used to fight titans, Annie walked up behind him and ran a hand through his hair.

Reiner frowned, but didn't acknowledge it. Then she carded her hand through his hair again. And again.

Finally, he turned around and asked, "what are you doing?"

Annie pulled her hand back. Then, making direct eye contact, she reached forward and ran her hand through the front of his hair. He pulled back a little and she dropped her hand to her side.

"I'm looking for your horns," she said.

Reiner felt something lodge itself in his throat. It took him a few seconds to work around it enough to say, "I don't have any."

"Odd," Annie said. As she turned around to walk away, she added, "I once knew someone whose mother said Eldians ought to have them."

#reiner braun #gabi braun #pieck finger #annie leonhardt #bertolt hoover #annie leonhart #snk #attack on titan #unchanging destinations #snk fic

[firebringcr]

(luke macfarlane, cis man, beaumont coven supreme) VIGILANTE has their eye on OLIVER BEAUMONT. HE is a 35 YEAR-OLD WITCH who lives in OLD TOWN PLAZA. according to VIGILANTE’s intel, they work as the OWNER OF EXPRESS-O CAFE and are known for being INNOVATIVE and HEADSTRONG. hopefully they don’t give VIGILANTE a reason to strike. (rose, 26, she/her, est, n/a)

Hey everyone! I’m Rose, and this is my first role, Oliver Beaumont. I couldn’t be more excited to start plotting and writing with everyone. If you have any plot ideas, feel free to reach out here or on discord!

Quick Facts:

Oliver was born & raised in Roseport. He loves this city and will never leave. He plans to stay even if things go to shit with the slayers and VIGILANTE.

He owns EXPRESS-O CAFE in Old Town Plaza. Aside from the coven, the coffee shop is his pride and joy. He’s there almost all the time. Watch out, though, because his cat hangs around the tables and counter to demand pets.

His cat’s name is Smelly. Yes, like the song from F.R.I.E.N.D.S. Luckily, he doesn’t actually smell.

He lives about a block away from the coffee shop. The house is old and was cheap as hell when he bought it five years ago. He claims he’s renovating it, but so far, he’s only fixed up his bedroom and the kitchen.

He’s been Supreme of the Beaumont Coven for a little over six months, and in that time, he’s pushed for a lot of changes. Mainly, he wants all covens to open up and stop being so secretive with one another - starting with his own. He’s also looking to renegotiate the long-standing treaty that is the subject of so much discord right now.

His official position with the VIGILANTE threat is that the Beaumont Coven should keep obeying the terms of the treaty and maintain their relationship with the slayers.

Ollie is super outgoing. He’ll chat with anyone, whether they’re a customer at the coffee shop or just a stranger in line for the bus, but he’s loyal first and foremost to his coven, and then his friends. He holds grudges and finds it hard to let go of wrongdoings, especially when they’re transgressions about the people he cares about.

He’s incredibly stubborn. He’ll die on any hill, even when he realizes he’s wrong. He rarely apologizes, so when he does, it’s genuine.

Oliver has major relationship commitment issues. Every single serious romantic relationship he’s had ended because of his own hesitations about the idea of forever. It probably stems from the disaster that was his parents’ relationship. Flings feel safer to him, so he’s more likely to date a woman casually, or a few women casually, and call it off quickly.

Right now, he’s incredibly busy with the coven. Between trying to salvage the relationship between the witches and the slayers, forging a new future for the coven, and dealing with the ins and outs of being a new Supreme, his life has turned into almost entirely witch business. He’s been a little hard to get in contact with, but he’s trying to get back to a new normal - which means reaching out to his friends, starting to go back out, and dating again. 

Connection Ideas:

Click here to see the connections Ollie has so far. I have a few starting point ideas below, but these are not by any means the only plots I’m open to or want. Never be afraid to reach out to me for plots! Even if an idea doesn’t work right off the bat, I’m always happy to brainstorm something that will.

Opposing Witches: Ollie’s hopes to open up the covens is a known thing throughout the witch community. I’d love to have some witches, both in his own coven and in others, who disapprove of these ideas and dislike him for it.

Flings: Again, Ollie is more likely to have flings than full on serious relationships. I’m down for a few of these, whether they’re current or past! We can figure out the details of whether they ended well or badly, etc. etc.

Supernatural Friends: Ollie is trying really, really hard to maintain relations with everyone despite the VIGILANTE threat. He’s been a little off the grid the past few months while adjusting to being Supreme, but he’s getting back out there and catching up with his friends now.

Allies: People who think renegotiating the treaty is a good idea! This can be straightforward where they’re both on the same page, or maybe they have ulterior motives and are using Ollie as a means to an end.

#slayersintro #(about)

[we-always-hit-our-ass]

I just read your fluffy headcannons with Toye and they are p e r f e c t. Made me realise how much I needed this and I was hoping if you could do one with Ron Speirs. 😔✊

anon, im incredibly happy that you think my Toye hcs were perfect- i also totally get you, anon. we all need some soft speirs hcs in our lives and i will do exactly that! 😩👌💞💕

btw im incredibly sorry that i took so long to write these hcs but hopefully you enjoy them!

Taglist: @floydtab, @deldontplay, @thatsonefishyboi, @noneofurbusinez, @meteora-fc, @hufflepuffpancakes​, @hihosilvers​, @rayleighshughes

shoutout to my wifey @floydtab for helping me on these hcs, this probably wouldn’t have existed without you- you gave me so much inspo i love you ma’am 💞💕

Fluffy/General Ronald Speirs HCs

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Let’s get one thing clear here- Ron is a cold bitch but is ACTUALLY a big softie.

Only for you anyway, but no one else except you two need to know that-

Like Ron will subtly do things to impress you, and you’re just like, 'You dont have to do that I love you too fucking much already, stop tryna make me fall for you again-'

But you always appreciate it anyways because you know that this boy just wants the best for you-

Ron is straightforward and makes it his daily goal to make you happy-

If you’ve had a bad day, Ron will literally go and get your favorite food/drink/thing to immediately make you feel better, and it works 100% of the time.

Aaah- This man lowkey cares a lot in the relationship and he’s just but a bit worried and is self conscious.

But you just tell him that he's enough and that you'll love him no matter what.

After that he'll just immediately hug you and you would press kisses on his jawline while softly rubbing his back to reassure him that you’re there.

Soft declarations of love are always said and done between the two of you and you knew that you couldn’t live without it.

It was practically essential at this point and you’d never ever get tired of Ron saying ‘I love you’.

Ron is also very protective of you but he’s embarrassed to admit it.

The amount of times he almost yeeted someone because they either made you mad/uncomfortable have been endless.

Like they better HOPE that Speirs doesn’t find their address-

Ron isn’t really big on PDA but he will not hesitate to wrap an arm around your waist, and even sometimes he’ll sit you on his lap while he nuzzles his face on the side of your neck.

It’s just a personal preference of Ron’s and he just doesn’t want people to exactly see something that is intimate, you feel?

Even though he prefers to keep your relationship private, he would always softly call you endearing terms in your ear in public.

He prefers to love you in private, and he thinks that it feels more special that way.

Ron acts the complete opposite when you two are alone or behind closed doors. He’s extremely passionate and every single touch light yet intense.

Ron cannot keep his hands off you and he cherishes every moment he shares with you. 

He just loves the fact that you feel so right in his hold, like you two were always meant to be.

He loves everything about you and wouldn’t change a single thing about yourself, I promise you that.

Ron is also a MAJOR worrywart, like if he even heard you whisper ‘ow’, you better bet that he’s going to ZOOM his ass to you.

He also doesn’t express his worries verbally- oh no- his actions speak for him. He’ll hold you in his arms and will ACTUALLY kiss the area where you hurt yourself.

Ron just wants you to be alright and will fret over you even if it’s just a papercut.

Ron is also very discreet about your relationship and God forbid anyone from seeing him being soft towards you. (And God help them even more if they decide to bring it up.)

Ron constantly thinks how amazing you are while you’re right next to him with your hands in his.

He’s always extremely happy around you and he absolutely loves playing with your hair and it’s so cute.

Soft forehead kisses for this man are a must and he can’t help but smile when you press your lips softly against his skin.

Ron is definitely an athletic man and he adores swimming.

There have been countless times where Ron would take you to a lake just so he can swim with you.

When you’re done changing Ron will scoop you up and just straight up jump into the water.

Cue the WHOLESOME AS FUCK experience, thank you very much.

It’s always serene and the air is always filled with laughs as you and Ron splash each other endlessly.

Kisses are always pressed against your wet cheek whenever you two go swimming 

You’d also cradle his face in your hands as you’d stare lovingly into his eyes.

But you’d always finish swimming before him though and you’d admire him as he’d do laps.

Like Ron’s so beautiful, look at that man, he’s so fucking out of this world- 

He might or might not have been trying to impress you by doing laps, but that's a secret we'll never know-

When you’re finally dry, Ron comes up behind you as he just got out of the water and hugs you, causing you to be wet all over again.

Ron also has a special spot in his heart that is reserved for playgrounds. Like when he’s walking with you and he spots one his eyes LIGHT up and you don’t need words to tell what he was thinking.

Ron loves pushing you on the swings and your laugh and smile just keep him GOIN-

He’ll also wrap his arms around your waist as he’s behind you when you’re sliding on the slides-

The childlike wonder in Ron comes out whenever he sees a playground and that’s one of Ron’s many quirks that you loved-

Like literally the main reason he likes going to playgrounds more now is so he can just see your joyful expressions and sweet laugh-

Okokok, Ron Speirs might seem like a cat, but please believe me when I say that he adores dogs!

You could see the absolute love in his eyes when he sees Trigger and you just had the most perfect idea on what to get him for Christmas.

You fell in love with a little Bernese Mountain Dog puppy (please, please, please search them up- they’re adorable) and your plan was set in motion.

You immediately knew that Ron would love him too.

The lil pup was a pure fluffball of sunshine and this boy was bound to bring lots of joy during the holidays-

BUT HOLY SHIT YOU DID NOT EXPECT YOUR BOYFRIEND’S REACTION TO BE SO CUTE WTF-

When you presented the tiny bundle of fluff to Ron, you could see waves of euphoria emitting off of him-

You knew that Ron was already a man of a few words but he was just rendered speechless (in a good way, of course) when his eyes laid upon the Bernese puppy.

“Milo.”

“Ron- What?”

“His name is going to be Milo.”

You have caught Ron multiple times with Milo on his lap and it’s fucking adorable.

Ron would also fall asleep with Milo in his arms and you swore you were going to take a picture of that and frame it-

Milo’s energetic and bouncy personality somehow complimented Ron’s steady and calm one.

 It’s a beautiful dynamic and it just works in the best way possible.

Okokok I’ve rambled enough, but have I mentioned how caring and amazing Ron is? Yeah? Well screw it, here’s more-

Ron is a little spoon half of the time but he’ll never admit it like the stubborn cutie that he is-

You love holding him in your arms and he loves it all the same too!

But Ron is such a good fucking boyfriend, it’s making me ascend-

When you’d fall asleep in your desk while doing work, Ron would ALWAYS carry you back to your shared bedroom and lay you down gently on the bed.

Ron will get on the bed and he’d be the big spoon as he’d crawl into bed with you. 

But then you’d turn to face him in your sleep and you’d instinctively pull him closer and your cheek would be resting on chest 

Oml- I can’t the scene is too goddamn wholesome-

Buuuut if you fall asleep on the couch, Ron would bring a nice fluffy blanket to cover you and he’d sit next to you and he’d fall asleep while making sure you were ok-

You never liked waking up or mornings before, but mornings with Ron? Oh yeah, you were DOWN for that-

Ron’s fluffy tousled hair in the morning is GOLDEN and when you’d push it back to reveal his sleepy but hella handsome face, it’s fucking over I swear-

Ron also feels the same when he wakes up next to you and he genuinely thinks that it’s like waking up to an angel-

But Ron’s husky voice when he wakes up is 😩👌💕, is there anymore to say???

You’d two would just stay in bed cuddling with Milo by your side during the few hours of the morning and you couldn’t ask for anything better.

Ron was known and cemented as a hardened, scary, and stern soldier, but you didn’t mind one bit. 

Because to you... Ron was the best thing that could’ve ever happened to your life, and you couldn’t care less as to what other people thought of him. 💞

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oooooh i’m probably deceased by now, so boo- but the afterlife can wait im proud of writing these hcs!

i hope you enjoyed these hcs lovely anon and i also hope that it was good enough!

but thank you for reading, everybody, i appreciate it so much- 💞💞😩

#band of brothers #band of brothers x reader #band of brothers headcanon #ronald speirs #ron speirs #ronald speirs x reader #ron speirs x reader #ronald speirs headcanon #ron speirs headcanon #band of brothers fanfiction #ronald speirs fanfiction #hbo war #hbo war headcanon

[tobiomlk]

hello!! can I have some Tsukki fluff hcs?? like cuddling, hand holding, etc? good luck with your blog 💖

— tsukishima fluff headcanons

we all know tsukishima is more of an affection through actions rather than words kind of guy. he’s main love language consists of acts of service, gifts, and that occasional, lighthearted tease and sass of him. you know the one.

him and his perpetually emotionally constipated ass are physically incapable of being remotely straightforward with his feelings so he resorts to bullying and such inappropiate methods to cover up the awkwardness, but when he unconciously lets out his genuine admiration and appreciation like it’s the most matter-of-factly thing in the world? unmatched.

it earns him lots of sleepless night wanting to die out of embarrasment afterwards but it’s ok it’s what He Deserves.

not the biggest fan of pda that’s for sure, but for some reason he tends to be physically near? you don’t have to be necessarily touching each other, he just stands closer than the usual.

he’d never admit it openly, but he seems to enjoy having your presence around, even if words aren’t being exchanged. there’s just something so intimate about spending time alone together, without any communication other than the one expressed through glances and body language.

prolly because he’s never the one to initiate anything, but it feels so out of character for him to do skinship so he just kinda avoids it… if anything, he pretends it’s a nuisance just so he convinces himself he’s doing you a favour by not bothering you with his affection.

but at the very end, he always obliges. be it sooner or later, he’ll end up indulging himself with some small gestures of affection. don’t let him fool you, he’s a softie.

tsukishima holds hands so nonchanantly— it’s one of the few things he won’t hesitate to go for. he always make sure to interlace your fingers, and to squeeze back whenever your squeeze the grip first.

now kisses are a whole different matter. they’ve their own file and it’s almost sacred. tsukishima’s kisses are nothing if not shy. for most of the part he can’t bring himself to do it, and when he finally musters the courage, they’re quick and a bit clumsy. even the smaller ones such as a peck on the cheek makes him go severely flustered, honestly it’s even cute!!!

his go-to are forehead kisses tho. he’s not even sure why, it just feels Right.

cuddling with tsukishima is an extremely rare occurence and therefore hard to experience, but oh, trust me, it’s so worth it.

he’s the supreme big spoon by default LISTEN i don’t even make the rules in here. he doesn’t need to try hard to make you feel like you belong in his arms.

however sometimes he just wants to  have it the other way around and he wordlessly rest his head over your chest and will Die if you go and run your fingers through his hair.

if he ever does it i hope you know it’s because he feels comfortable enough around you to let his guards down :(((((

he also has this thing in where if he’s feeling very burned out he’ll lean his head against yours and when you ask him what’s wrong he just goes “recharching. i’m almost done.”

sometimes he’s just clingy as fuck and sometimes he’s just annoying as FUCK there’s no in between. tsukishima has (2) moods.

this lil shit probably gives you an unflattering nickname just to spite you when the situation calls for it, but with the years it grows on both of you as a genuine term of endearement… shut up im gonna sob.

despite clowning you on the daily, everyone who has met the two of you can tell tsukishima has clearly a soft spot, if not by the way he only listens to you nicely… the yearning, tender gazes he offers to you when he makes sure you aren’t looking… how quick he’s to cave in when you’re the one trying to talk some sense to him… listen the boy is whipped leave him ALONE

#anon #answered #ok i got insanely sappy with this one but can u blame me #im diagnosed with im love him :(((( #tsukki is a good boy too much of a lil shit but GOOD #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima x reader #tsukishima headcanons #thank you sm for requesting nonnie !!!!!!! you can have my heart JKHD #hq x reader #haikyuu x you #hq x you #tsukishima x you #haikyuu headcanons #the moon #filed under: karasuno #filed under: tsukishima kei #filed under: headcanons

[katzenkrieg]

Headcanon - Haurchefant

Finally got my lore entry written up for Haurchefant in my WoL lore document! Given that everything about Haurchefant is a Heavenwards spoiler, this is all under the cut.

Haurchefant (canon, illegitimate son of Lord Edmont; 28 at introduction, 29 or 30 at death) – Haurchefant’s sacrifice, like Moenbryda’s and Papalymo’s, was one of the defining moments in Cam’s journey to finally completely commit himself to being the Warrior of Light for his friends and the world. Where Moenbryda and Papalymo both chose to sacrifice themselves for a greater good, Haurchefant sacrificed himself entirely for Cam, without hesitation and without regret.

How do you process something like that? How do you honor someone loving you so selflessly that they died to save your life alone--not for future of the world, not because they saw you as something beyond yourself, but because they believed in and loved and hoped in *you,* personally, and didn’t want a world without you in it?

When he first met Haurchefant, Cam was, for good reason, creeped out. Clearly, Haurchefant wanted to jump his bones, and just as clearly, he was focused on Cam’s body before anything else. Cam hadn’t run into that kind of objectification--at least not to such an extreme level--before; certainly there had been people in the past who’d made it clear they found Cam attractive, but no one who was imagining him naked as obviously as Haurchefant. In general, Cam made a point of avoiding Haurchefant and of having at least one other person around if he had to deal with him.

Following his running from the Eorzean Alliance as a fugitive, Cam’s opinion of Haurchefant began to change. Though Haurchefant remained openly flirtatious, his sexualization of Cam toned down and instead changed to unwavering belief in Cam--not as the Warrior of Light, but as a person. His joy in being able to help Cam; his support when Ishgard challenged Cam, Alphinaud, and Tataru’s right to remain in the nation; his endorsement of Cam to Lord Edmont, his lack of expectation of anything in return, left Cam confused. Though the Scions and the leaders of the Eorzean Alliance had, in general, expressed support and admiration for Cam, they had done so in terms that made it clear they admired and supported the Warrior of Light and what he could do for them and for the Alliance as a whole. To be loved so effusively for being himself wasn’t something Cam could find a reason or explanation for -- in a way, it was more of a burden to live up to than even the expectations placed on Cam as the Warrior of Light, because how can you live up to the debt placed on you by someone who asks nothing from you at all? Even Cam’s increasingly close and increasingly public relationship with Cid had expectations by both of them attached, as partnerships generally do.

Cam never really got beyond accepting Haurchefant’s love with anything beyond bemusement and helplessness. And then Haurchefant died for him, with the final request that Cam keep the ability to smile, no matter what the future might hold.

It took Cam months to process Haurcefant’s sacrifice. At first he didn’t have time to really work it through--and he didn’t have the courage to ask anyone else to help him, either. Finally, in the aftermath of Thordan’s defeat and the rebirth of Niddhog, Cam opened up to Tataru, who suggested he talk to Alphinaud--who had also been deeply affected by Haurchefant’s death and who was struggling with his own reactions to Ysayle’s death and Estinien’s possession by Niddhog. Though Cam at first didn’t feel comfortable discussing his conflicted emotions with Alphinaud--who was a teenager, after all--he did eventually take the emotional risk of talking with Alphinaud about all of their recent losses, including Haurchefant. 

Alphinaud’s sensitivity and perceptiveness had increased remarkably since the fall of the Crystal Braves and the events of the Scions’ exile to Ishgard, and he surprised Cam by anticipating many of Cam’s feelings. Alphinaud reassured Cam that Haurchefant had made his choice with his eyes open, knowing that Cam likely didn’t and could never return his feelings. In talking together, they worked out that it wasn’t really up to Cam or Alphinaud to decide whether they were worth dying for; in the end, people do what they believe is right for those people, places, and values they love and what they do defines *them,* not the people or things they act for. Ysayle and Haurchefant had died defining themselves, not defining Cam. Louisoix and Moenbryda had done the same, as had those on the opposite side of the battlefield--Thordan, Lahabrea, Niddhog. There was no burden for Cam to carry in those who sacrificed for him, only hope that he would live to act for those he loved and valued, too. Cam’s holding deeply to the concept of acting for ‘those we have lost, and for those we can yet save’ had its roots in this conversation and in Cam and Alphinaud’s later conviction to do whatever they could to save Estinien.

Cam later had a similar conversation with Cid, who was very straightforward in reassuring Cam that Cam was absolutely a good enough person to be worth dying for, but that Cid himself intended to do everything possible to make sure neither of them ever got to a point where either of them had to make a decision to sacrifice themselves for the other. That was, in fact, part of what drove Cid in his engineering work--the belief that, if applied correctly, technology could help people avoid circumstances where sacrifices like that were necessary.

Successfully saving Estinien, and the feeling that Haurchefant somehow aided in that rescue, helped Cam finally reach peace with Haurchefant’s choice. Lord Edmont’s acceptance of Cam as, essentially, an adopted son also helped Cam; being a part of Haurchefant’s family gave him room to learn more about Haurchefant after his death and to share in the grief over his passing and in his remembrance. 

Eventually, his memories of Haurchefant changed from being colored by confusion and guilt to memories that strengthened Cam’s resolve to fight for his friends and never give up. Particularly in Norvrandt, these memories and this conviction were invaluable. 

Cam visits Haurchefant’s grave annually (or on special occasions, such as finally getting back from an alternate world…) and leaves small offerings of things he’s found in his travels he thinks Haurchefant would like. (He does the same with the graves of everyone else he’s lost, including family members, Moenbryda, Papalymo, and others. He even does it with Ardbert’s, despite knowing whatever remains of Ardbert is experiencing Cam’s travels right along with him.)

#headcanon #loredump #haurchefant #haurchefant greystone #ffxiv #ff14 #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy 14 #heavensward #camille delane