#I mean like as a lesbian that sounds incredible

[baerryjj]

Something about the way my brain associates voices with fictional characters is a little funny. I associate Loretta with the gruffest voice imaginable. I'm talking 40 year old-smoker raspy, bass deep with a hint of a new york-italian accent type of deal. No New York doesn't exist in elden ring. Britain doesn't either. Still Malenias british. And so I've rationalized the new-york Italian accent Loretta headcanon and I see her no other way now

#'HEEYY IM WALKIN HEYA' - Loretta #idk maybe is the fact i draw her as an older muscular and sexy and battle torn and murderous and sexy lady #i choose my lil fictional characters accents based on their vibes (and my lesbianism) #can you imagine DLC for some reason reveals more of her character and/or her face and she turns out to be soft and feminine like Latenna #i mean we can all agree shes Albinauric right #idk something about her helms description just sounds sarcastic #like 'the ABSURD RUMOR SHES ALBINAURIC. SO VERY ABSURD OH YES INCREDIBLY ABSURD AND HEINOUS AND MAD' #sorry i just remembered it's actually the shields description #im not rewriting all that💀 #elden ring #royal knight loretta #loretta knight of the haligtree #evening rambles with baerry

[fiddleleafedfig]

@wolfstarmicrofic | April 23:rd Teacher AU | Also inspired by this incredible post | 971 words

“It’s because I’m gay.”

Dora’s words had echoed in his head for the better duration of two years.

Two years.

Jesus Christ.

It sounds more clear now that there isn’t an ever pressing haze of alcohol clouding his brain. But alas, he frankly can’t afford to be an alcoholic anymore. He wasn’t even that good at it. A bottle of wine every evening and Remus just turned into a weepier version of his otherwise quite bleak self and watched old rom-coms on tv until he fell asleep on the couch.

But an English teacher’s salary isn’t hefty enough to really support a proper addiction and Remus hadn’t ever been the type of person to steal a car or break into someone’s house just to fuel his habit. With his luck he’d get caught right away anyway.

“This can’t come as a surprise, Rem, we never even had an active sexlife.”

Sure, fine, maybe they hadn’t. But they had been married for years; university best friends turned adult lovers and confidants turned married at twenty five and divorced at thirty three.

The divorce had at least been simple, easy, just like anything else about their relationship. One second she was there, dying her hair in the tub and staining it all bubblegum pink — the next she was moving out and downloading lesbian dating apps.

Remus munches salad from his little packed lunch. He should be planning his classes whilst having lunch — he refuses to, he’d rather sit here all bent-backed and pretend that the salad actually tastes better, that he isn’t regretting moving across the country to get away from it all. That his new life isn’t sinking his mood just like the old one did.

There’s a knock on his classroom door.

Remus looks up from his sad salad. “Come in?”

The door, covered in prints of Shakespeare plays and old illustrations of Of Mice and Men and other English class classics, opens to reveal the knocker.

Sirius has his hair in a bun today, black strands tied back and into a scrunchy that could rival the cheekiest of cheerleaders’. Other than that he is in his usual all black attire, all except his rainbow colored lanyard which holds his keys and the miniature periodic table keyring.

Sirius smiles. It’s all gray eyes that look like they’re sparkling under the hideous fluorescents and can make even the toughest lunch lady blush.

“Hi Remus, is this a bad time?”

Remus tries to swallow the tightness in his throat.

He can’t really deal with Sirius popping by like this, he’s done it quite frequently since Remus’ first week.

“No, not really,” he says, trying to keep his hands from fiddling and his eyes from darting around the room. “What can I help you with?”

Sirius shrugs, careless and relaxed. “I was just wondering if I could borrow your stapler. Seems like mine’s wandered off.”

Sirius drives a motorbike to school.

Remus saw him get off it in the parking lot not too long ago. It felt like the world stood still or maybe moved in slow motion when Sirius removed his helmet and shook his hair out, kitted out in leather. Then his neck got all hot, for some god forsaken reason, and he had to go splash cold water on his face before facing his students in the first period.

So many of Sirius’ supplies have gone missing in the short time where they have worked together.

“Erhm… Yeah, sure— absolutely,” Remus stumbles through sentences as he stands to go fetch the stapler in the supply closet. He turns the little key and quickly looks over the closet, a bit too aware that Sirius is coming closer; if he isn’t misinterpreting the scuff of boots on the floor.

He grabs the stapler, turns around. “Here.”

Sirius is right behind him, right in front of him now. Looking up at Remus with his easy smile and rows of lovely black lashes and… and… and pink lips.

“Thanks, I’ll give it back as soon as I’m done, okay?”

“Yeah…”

Sirius leaves. Remus has to go sit down, he’s feeling dizzy.

“Are you even attracted to me, Rem? I mean— it’s fine if you aren’t. Maybe I’m not your type or something.”

There was always something hidden in Dora’s words, at least in those words. Remus hadn’t come any closer to figuring them out, not even two years later.

He just sits in his darkening apartment, playing those words over and over whilst watching-but-not-really-watching tv. He should really go over to Sirius’ classroom tomorrow. You know, just to make sure he remembers to give the stapler back. And it has absolutely nothing to do with what Dora said those years ago, nothing at all.

In the following morning, Remus dresses in his good shirt and wrestles with his hair for a touch longer than usual. Why? Don’t worry about it.

He goes into work with a determination and anxiety churning in his belly.

He walks up to Sirius’ classroom, a print of Neil deGrasse Tyson on the door, and knocks.

Deep breath.

Sirius opens the door. Light eyes and smiling lips and an overall undeniably beautiful face.

Stapler, that’s what he’s there for.

“Will you go out with me?”

What?! No!

Remus was supposed to ask about the stapler!

Fuck!

Sirius just looks back up at him, glittering eyes and widening smile. He doesn’t say anything.

Remus tries to backpedal. “The stapler — I really need my stapler, that’s what I meant.”

Sirius just smiles. “So I just missed the point two second window of going out with you?”

There’s cotton in Remus’ ears, ringing in his brain. “No— I mean… Wait— Did you want to go out with me?”

Sirius’ smile looks like it’s almost too big for his face. “I thought you’d never ask.”

#wolfstar microfic #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #writing #fig’s venturing out into the world of microfics #anything to procrastinate my actual large writing project

[bifuriouswaterbender]

@steddieholidaydrabbles is doing some warm up rounds. This is for the Round One prompt "High School or College AU," rated T, 685 words.

"You sure your roommate won't mind?" Robin had asked.

"No," Steve had answered automatically. "He's cool."

Maybe that was proving incorrect because while they'd already been asleep curled up together in Steve's bed when Eddie got home, this morning he was being incredibly weird about it.

"You didn't leave a sock or text me or anything," Eddie hissed in his ear when Robin was using the en-suite bathroom that Steve praised for existing every single day.

He'd done the communal shower thing for sports in high school. He didn't mind avoiding it now.

Steve just shrugged and kept digging in his dresser for a shirt he knew Robin had jokingly tucked in his bags before they'd moved in. "I didn't need to. We weren't doing anything but sleeping."

"Right." Eddie sounded doubtful, but Steve ignored him.

He knocked on the bathroom door. "Got a shirt for you."

It opened a crack and Robin's arm stuck through like some kind of little raccoon. Steve laughed as he handed it over.

The door shut firmly behind him, he turned back around, surprised at the look on Eddie's face. "What?"

Eddie shrugged and flopped down in his desk chair, barely avoiding hitting his head on the underside of his bed. "I dunno, I guess I'm just surprised."

"By what?"

Eddie's eyes darted to the door before settling back at Steve. "I mean this definitely doesn't feel like it was a random hookup or anything."

Steve snorted. "It definitely wasn't."

Eddie nodded, his face grim. He dropped his voice as he said, "And that means you've put me in a fucked up and really awkward place, man. You talk all the time about going out and maybe finding somebody at a party to hook up with. I don't think you really have hooked up with anyone, but am I supposed to keep that a secret from your girlfriend?"

Steve opened and closed his mouth a few times before getting out, "Girlfriend?" Then he lost it.

The bathroom door opened behind him, and Steve heard Robin move closer. "What's so funny?" she asked.

Eddie looked stricken, but Steve managed to get out between his chuckles, "Eddie thinks we're dating."

Steve turned to see her face directly, and the priceless way she wrinkled her nose in disgust sent him into another wave of laughter, this one hard enough to force tears from his eyes.

"What the fuck," Eddie deadpanned.

"Sorry," Steve sputtered, even as Robin shook her head.

"We're not dating," she said flatly.

"I, um, am gathering that," Eddie said, his eyes rapidly flicking between them.

"Platonic," Robin said.

"With a capital P," Steve added, still wheezing.

"Besides," Robin continued, "I'm not interested in men. I'm a lesbian."

For a moment, the room was still. Then Steve found himself throwing her into a hug. "I'm so proud of you! Oh my god, you said it in front of someone!"

Robin's face turned pink, but she hugged him back. "Yeah, and you're kinda ruining that moment, dingus."

Steve sobered up immediately. He pulled back but didn't let go of her completely. With the way she leaned against his side, Steve had to assume she approved. "Sorry." He turned his gaze back to Eddie. "Well?"

Eddie, clearly unsure how he was supposed to react, blurted out, "I'm gay."

"Really?"

Robin elbowed Steve in the side for that, but he stayed focused on Eddie's panicked expression.

"Is that going to be a problem?" Eddie asked. He moved like he was trying to sound tough, but it did not come out that way.

Steve felt a stab of guilt for making him think he might be in danger.

"No, absolutely not!" Steve insisted. "I'm bisexual!"

This time Robin squealed. She was in his face before Steve could even process Eddie's reaction. "And now I'm proud of you!" she declared. "Have you told anybody but me? That's so awesome!"

Steve made eye contact with Eddie around her as a slow smile spread across his roommate's face.

"Yeah," Steve said. "I think it is."

With the way Eddie was looking at him now, it was going to be.

#steddie #stobin #st fanfic #st microfic #steddie fanfic #steddie microfic #my writing #my fanfic

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p.3

pairing: ellie williams x fem! reader (ur a girly girl in this one!!) (she/her pronouns)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: (PLEASE READ!) explicit language, violence, description of a medical procedure sans anesthesia, recreational drug use (idk how else to put it ellie gets absolutely zonked in the beginning), reader overthinks asf and is a little neurotic but that's why we love her x

a/n: hey guys! thank you so much for the wait! it's been genuinely insane how sweet and incredible all of you are. i've never felt so appreciated for my writing!! also, some notes: this chapter is heavily inspired by my last relationship. sorry if it's not as immersive bc of it! and also i don't have ANY medical knowledge so...cast a blind eye when u get to that scene

part 1

part 2

tags: @prettyplant0 @666findgod​ @sawaagyapong​ @rystarkov​ @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @parkersmyth @pinkazelma

wc: 6.6k

enjoy x

“One more time.”

You gave Ellie a withering look from where you were sitting at the end of her bed.

“Please,” she said, drawing out the s. “Just once more. I promise.” 

“Fine.” You rolled your eyes—a habit of hers that you were quickly picking up—and took in a deep breath. “Fuck.” 

Ellie lost it, peals of laughter bouncing off the walls. “Another one. Say something else.”

“I don’t understand why you think this is so funny,” you said.

“You say it so weird.”

“I enunciate,” you clarified. “I don’t ‘sound weird’. It’s called pronouncing every letter in the word and not having a lazy mouth.” 

“Please,” she gasped. “At least say bitch. You haven’t said that one yet.”

You looked her dead in the eye. “Bitch.”

If you weren’t already certain that Ellie was high out of her mind by the smell of her room and the general haze in the air, the way she howled with laughter and fell back on her bed would’ve made you entirely positive.

This was new. You’d begun to hang out with her in her room after dinner—that was normal—but when she’d knocked on your door smelling heavily of weed once you’d said goodnight to Joel, you were nothing less than shocked. Of course, she had none left for you. Which was probably good, because only a sober mind could navigate a night sitting on Ellie’s bed without doing something really, really stupid. 

“I can’t believe you call me weird,” you said, tucking your feet under her and giving her a pointed look. 

“You’re so lucky you didn’t grow up where I did,” Ellie said, wiping a tear away from her cheek as she tried (unsuccessfully) to rein in her giggles. “You would’ve been eaten alive, good lord.”

“What were you like as a kid?” you asked, resting your chin on your knees. 

She considered for a moment, growing more somber. “Um…I don’t know if you would’ve liked me very much.”

“What do you mean? Of course I would’ve liked you.” 

“No,” she said, swiping at her face so she pushed a strand of hair away. “I don’t think you would have.”

“Why not?”

“I was…” She paused, picking at her cuticles. “Back then I didn’t have anyone. I was an orphan, you know. My parents were never in the picture, so I was the only one I could count on.  I was really rough around the edges and could be nasty. But I probably would’ve ignored you like I did everyone else. “

“Everyone? You didn’t have anyone? No friends at all?”

Ellie blinked, and her gaze remained fixed on her hands. “Basically, yeah. I mean, there was one girl, but that’s…I don’t want to talk about that right now, actually.” 

“That’s okay,” you said, reaching forward to touch her knee. She flinched at the contact but didn’t brush you away. The image of a young, scared Ellie living somewhere alone made your chest ache. “You don’t have to tell me.” 

“What were you like?” she asked, tilting her head and meeting your eyes. 

“Hmmm…” Mirth crept into your tone. “What do you think?”

“What do I think?” Ellie echoed, her eyes cloudy as she thought. Then a small smirk formed on her face. “Oh god, were you one of those spoiled brats? Were you a mean girl?” 

“God, no,” you said, raising your eyebrows. “Not mean.”

“Then what?”

You paused. “I was really shy, I guess. And quiet, too. I didn’t do much but read for a good 10 years of my life. I used to have awful pronunciation because I would spend more time reading than talking to anyone. But I think I would’ve liked you.”

Ellie shook her head.

“Yes,” you said. “Maybe I would’ve been a little scared of you. I probably would’ve never had the courage to talk to you. But I would’ve liked you, I think.”

“Scared of me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why? I was a kid.”

“I was mostly going off of how I felt when I actually first met you,” you said, shrugging. 

She gasped theatrically. “You’re scared of me?”

“No!” you said, smacking her knee. “That’s not what I mean. You’re just really intimidating.”

“Intimidating?” She looked at you incredulously. 

“You’re so tough,” you explained, feeling heat grow in your cheeks. “You seem just—I don’t know, just so capable. There’s nothing you’re too afraid to face, nothing you’re too afraid to say.”

“That’s not true,” she said lightly. 

“Well, of course I’m sure there are things that you’re afraid of,” you amended. “But you hide it so well. You just seem so…fearless.”

“Hm,” Ellie said, letting her head rest against the headboard. “I think you would’ve made me a nervous wreck. If we’d met when we were kids, I mean.”

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never met anyone quite like you before. You’re just so untouched.” She winced. “God, no. That sounds gross. I just mean…I dunno. I wouldn’t have known how to act around you. You haven’t had to harden up like everyone else I know.”

“Are you saying I should develop trust issues or something?” you asked, your voice a teasing lilt.

“You know,” she said, nodding seriously, “That is part of it. It was really off-putting how quickly you trusted me. But I guess that’s just a product of where you grew up.” 

“Yeah,” you said softly. “I wonder how I would’ve turned out if I’d grown up like you.”

“Can I be honest?” Ellie asked. 

“Sure.”

“I don’t think you’d still be here if you were me,” she said, her eyes crinkling. “No offense. You just have zero survival skills. I swear that shit has to be genetic. I’ve never met someone more averse to violence in my life.”

You sighed, pressed your hands deep into Ellie’s comforter as a thought hit you. “I think if you’d been born in my position, you would’ve been greater than anything either of us could ever dream of. Much greater than me.”

“Definitely not,” said Ellie. “There’s no fucking way I’m studying the way you apparently do. I honestly think I’d take being an orphan over the study schedule I saw in your bag.” 

She was of course referencing the time table you’d roughly sketched up the morning before you’d ended up in Jackson. It was blocked to the minute, citing the study content and the location of said study session. She’d been beyond horrified to see it. 

You laughed, nudging her socked food with yours. 

“Is there music? In Terranova?”

“Oh,” you said, startled at the abrupt change of subject. “Uh, yeah. Of course. I listened to it all the time.” 

“I used to have a Walkman,” she said, leaning back as she reminisced. She was lying flat on her back now. “It ended up breaking a while ago, but it was like my child.” 

“Have you ever seen a movie before?” you asked, sitting up rigid straight as the thought occurred to you.

“Duh,” she said, giving you a weird look. “Do you think I live under a rock?”

“How many?”

“Hm.” Ellie began counting, ending on her second hand. “I think 6?”

“You’ve seen a total of 6 movies in your life?” 

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to see more?”

She shrugged. “I mean, I guess. It’s just tough to find CDs that are still functional after so long.”

“Hold that thought,” you said, holding a finger in her direction as you stood up.

“Hey!” she called as you bolted out the door. “Where are you going?”

You came bounding back to her room in a matter of seconds, your laptop in your hands. 

“What the fuck?” she said. “Isn’t that your homework thing?”

“Yes,” you said, feeling around for an outlet, “But I also have a ridiculous amount of movies downloaded on this. Our dorm wi-fi is shit and I have way too much storage on this thing, so I just download, like, every movie I’ve ever wanted to watch.”

“Your dorm what?”

You waved your hand. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to her how the 802.11 standard allowed wireless connections a few years after the outbreak. “Not important. Here, come look at this.”

Your laptop roared to light with the help of your charging cord. Quickly, you typed your password in and opened your downloads. Ellie hovered over your shoulder, squinting at the screen with confusion. 

“Here,” you said, opening up the album that had everything you had seen for your entire university career and passing the laptop to Ellie. “Use the touchpad—there, yeah—to navigate. Press to click. These are all movie files that I’ve seen. We can watch them on my laptop. Some of them were filmed in Terranova, too, so they’re post-apocalypse.”

She perused the selection you had for quite some time, the glow of the screen lighting up her face against the dim room. “Okay. This one.”

And thus began a tradition. Each night after you’d finished showering and Joel retired to his room, Ellie would come knock on your door and ask if you wanted to come over. You’d talk for a while, then open your laptop and pick something out to watch. Ellie was never high after the first time, which was unsurprising considering that there definitely wasn’t a way to get any in Jackson. Where she found any the first time was still a mystery to you. 

~

A week or so after your first patrol with Ellie, Joel had taken it upon himself to teach you how to shoot. You were surprisingly not as bad as you’d expected, but the rebound was tough to get used to, and you were still hung up over the whole “killing living things” part. 

Your first patrol—first real one—came quickly, and before you knew it, Ellie was handing you the same gun you’d dropped the first time with a suspicious look. 

“Don’t kill one of us with that thing,” she warned. “Be smart, okay?”

“Sure thing, boss,” you said to her, mock saluting as best you could while you were leading Japan to the mounting block.

She rolled her eyes. “Please act normal or I’ll make you carry around that glorified pocket knife instead again.” 

The patrol began as usual, Ellie leading you down the same path you went last time. It was a beautiful day out, with the early spring sun filtering through the evergreen trees that populated the woods and birdsong filling the air. 

Though conversations with Ellie were getting easier (given that it actually seemed like she wanted to talk to you now), you were still starstruck. Nothing that you did and nothing that you thought could get you to stop seeing her the way you did. You were routinely distracted by everything about her. It was a wonder that you could even function as a normal person around her, much less handle a weapon and a horse. 

You two had nearly made the full rotation when your surroundings exploded in action. 

“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as someone behind you two fired a shot that narrowly missed Shimmer. 

You whipped around, gun in hand, to see two men—two normal men who weren’t infected. One held a bow, the other a gun. 

The one who had fired the first shot never even stood a chance. He was down on the ground seconds after you’d seen him, Ellie’s aim taking him out before you could even ready your gun. 

The second man notched an arrow and managed to draw it back and release into the air right as Ellie’s bullet struck him, sending him falling back. 

“I don’t think there’s any more,” said Ellie, slightly breathless as she scanned the forest. “Sometimes outsiders pull this shit—try to kill us for our supplies. I’ve never seen them this close to the wall, though. I’ll have to tell Maria and Tommy.”

Normally, you would’ve felt up to making some sort of sarcastic comment about how that was a really unconcerning thing for her to tell you and that you actually felt so much more comfortable going on patrol knowing that there were also just run-of-the-mill people trying to kill you, but a twinge in your lower body distracted you. 

Slowly, nervously, you looked down. Air immediately left your lungs. 

“At least we’re done,” Ellie was saying, wiping her hands off on her thighs and slinging the gun over her shoulder. “What a crazy end for your first actual patrol, huh?”

When you didn’t answer, she turned to you and saw the arrow sticking out of your side, 

“Shit,” said Ellie, jumping off Shimmer and reaching you in seconds. “Shit, shit, shit. Oh god.” 

“Am I going to die?” you asked, staring starstruck at the blood escaping the outline of the arrowhead. You couldn’t feel anything anymore. Were you in shock?

“No,” said Ellie firmly. “Absolutely not. Do you need help getting off?”

Before you could answer, she was already helping you down, carefully avoiding the protruding arrow. 

“Listen,” she said, back to being her unwavering self, “We’re right by the wall. I’m going to help you walk in, and then I’ll grab some supplies, okay? Don’t try to pull the arrow out. You hear me? Don’t.”

Swallowing hard, you nodded. She helped you walk the few steps to be carefully concealed by the wall, then grabbed the two horses and darted past you, making a break for Maria and Tommy’s cabin. 

In a haze of confusion, you could see Maria running out, holding a box out to Ellie in exchange for the reins of the horses. Ellie said something that made Maria point towards you. She nodded, then ran back to you.

By the time that she’d reached you, the shock had begun to wear off, replaced by the stinging pain from the object that had impaled you. It was worse than anything you’d ever felt before in your life, and it took all you had not to keel over. 

“Hey,” she said, reaching out to grab your face so you had to look at her. “Don’t be afraid. I’ve done this before, okay? I’m, like, the master. It’s going to be alright.” 

“Done what before?” you managed to grind out. 

Ellie let go of your face to dig through the box Maria had given her, producing a needle, a bottle of rubbing alcohol, and what looked like a spool of thin thread. 

Horror slowly trickled through you as you realized what was about to happen. 

“It doesn’t look all that deep,” Ellie was saying as she examined the arrow. “So I don’t think it’s hit anything. It’s just going to be a nasty hole. I’m going to pull it out now, okay?”

You let out a strangled scream as she grasped the arrow’s end and yanked it out without warning.

“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” Ellie repeated. She threw the arrow over her shoulder and knelt so she was hovering over you. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you gasped. You were most certainly not. You couldn’t quite get your eyes to focus, and your heart was beating out of your chest. 

“Alright,” she said firmly, grasping your shoulders and pulling you up so you were slumped against the wall. “Sit up straight, alright? Also, this is going to hurt.” 

At first there were just snipping sounds as she cut part of your shirt away—then something cool and wet pressed to your wound. You cried out again as a fresh white hot pain bloomed in your middle. 

“I know, I know.” Ellie’s voice was consoling as she reached up to brush away the sweaty strands of hair stuck to your forehead. “Just a few more seconds.” 

“Fuck—off—” you gritted out from your teeth. 

Ellie’s eyebrows shot up. “I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Just this once.” 

She released the alcohol-saturated cotton pad, throwing it aside and fussing with the thread and needle until she was satisfied. 

By the time her fingers were ghosting over your abdomen again, you couldn’t pull your eyes away from the puncture wound and the needle she was wielding. 

“Don’t look,” said Ellie. “Pick something else. You don’t need to watch.” 

“I hate needles,” you whispered, choosing the air over her shoulder to be your focal point. 

There was a prodding at the top of your wound, and you hissed. 

“I can’t say I’m a fan myself.” 

Something pierced through your skin, and your midriff exploded in pain. 

The edges of your sight went fuzzy, stars forming in the corners of your vision. Someone that sounded suspiciously like you cried out. Your cheek rammed up against something solid and warm. 

Once the initial sting had faded, you realized that you’d slumped into Ellie, your face buried into her neck. She didn’t make any move to push you off, instead just taking one hand to brush up and down your arm with a feather light touch. 

“You're fine," she said firmly. "Everything's going to be fine."

Your fingers curled around the hem of her shirt as the needle exited through the other end of your wound, pulling another whine from your throat. It was easier to not feel like you were about to pass out when you were crushed into Ellie, clinging onto her and just focusing on the way she felt against you. 

“Hang on, I'm almost there,” she muttered a few stitches later. You’d quieted down, only letting out the occasional gasp as she pulled the thread through. “You're doing so well. Just one more.”

Now that you were more conscious, you had no idea how she was managing to stitch your side while you were nearly on her lap, but she continued to weave her needle through your skin, pulling it taut. 

“And done,” said Ellie. You felt her take another cotton square to swipe against your skin. 

You laid against her for a few more moments, panting as the shock slowly began to fade. She shifted, and for a moment you were sure that she was going to shove you away, but then the hand she’d lifted hesitantly rested on your head, her fingers parting to card through your hair. 

“How did you learn how to do that?” you asked, your voice muffled from where you were pressed against her. 

“Trial and error.” 

Her joke was enough for you to finally let go, sitting back against the wall. Her hand slithered out of your hair, resting back in her lap. 

“Shut up,” you said. “That’s awful.” 

Ellie shrugged. 

“I’m sorry,” you said, feeling the bumpiness of the stony wall press into your back. “I have a really low pain tolerance.”

“So I’ve noticed,” said Ellie, the side of her mouth quirking. 

“I’ve never been hurt before,” you heard yourself saying. “Like, beyond the occasional splinter or bee sting or accidental scrape or ankle sprain. It’s just not something that happens.” 

“Must be nice.”  

You smiled sadly. “Yeah. It’s not nice being weak, though.” 

Ellie looked away from you then, silent as she packed up the first-aid kit. Then: “I don’t think that’s true.” 

She’d said it lightly, like it was meant to be an offhand comment, a throwaway addition that wouldn’t be remembered by either of you. But the sentiment still struck you, twisting your heart.

You were less capable because your survival had never required anything more. You were weak because you could be. 

Her voice from the night she’d been high floated back to you. You haven't had to harden up like everyone else I know. 

Out here, weakness was a luxury few could afford. 

“Not so untouched anymore, huh?” you said, since you didn’t know how else to respond.

“I won’t tell anyone if you don’t,” quipped Ellie. “But if I were you, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. I still consider needing to be held to get 4 stitches as being soft. You haven’t changed a bit. No offense.” 

Your cheeks burned bright red. “I—”

“I’m teasing,” she said before you could defend yourself. “Arrow wounds suck. I get it.” 

“Right.” You turned away, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the ground beside you. With feeling more yourself came the inevitable shame at what you’d just done. What had you been thinking, touching her like that? Grabbing onto her like that?

This was going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

“Don’t make that face,” said Ellie. “I’m sorry for saying that. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. It really is fine.” 

It was not fine. It would never be fine. You wanted the thugs to come back to life and finish you off, and then have the earth open up and swallow you for good measure. 

Ellie probably thought of you as an overgrown child. You doubted that there was ever a point where she could see you as anything equal. If she ever knew how often she appeared in your imagination, she’d probably be disgusted.

She called you pretty a contrarian voice in your head reminded you. Don't you remember?

But maybe she hadn’t meant it. She hadn’t said it explicitly: “Y/N, I think you’re pretty.” She just hadn’t argued when you’d pointed it out. Maybe because she was being nice, or maybe because she was actually being sarcastic. 

“You were really brave, okay?” said Ellie. “Your first armed confrontation and you did well.”

“I didn’t shoot anyone.”

“It could have gone worse,” said Ellie. “You could’ve accidentally shot me. Or died. And neither of those things happened, so that’s successful in my book.” 

“That’s very glass half-full of you.”

“That’s me. Ever the optimist.” 

You snorted.

~

That night, Ellie knocked on your door and asked you if you were up for another movie. You found yourself sitting on her comforter, plugging in your computer and booting it up minutes later.

Physically speaking, it had always been a little awkward to fit two people on her twin bed if they weren’t right next to each other, given that your laptop screen was a very unimpressive size. When you’d first started watching with her, Ellie would rest against the headboard, her legs stretched out in front of you while you would sit with your legs crossed, positioned sideways so you weren’t accidentally pushing her legs off. 

But after the day you had had, your back was sore and your whole body ached. Sitting on something soft without any back support as you angled yourself to look at the screen was quickly proving unsustainable. 

“Pause,” said Ellie about ten minutes in. You’d been watching an older sci-fi flick—Ellie’s choice. 

You complied, leaning forward and pressing the spacebar. “What’s up?”

“Are you even comfortable sitting like that?”

“Yeah,” you said.

“Liar,” accused Ellie, crossing her arms over her chest. “Don’t think I don’t see you ‘discreetly’ cracking your back every 2 minutes. It’s ruining the movie.” 

“Sorry,” you said, shaking your head and smiling in exasperation. “It’s from all the years I spent hunched over a textbook.” 

“You know, you can sit up here,” she said, patting the space beside her. “I don’t bite.”

“Jury’s still out on that,” you said, though by the time Ellie let out a laugh you were already unfolding your legs and moving so you were next to her. 

She leaned forward, grabbing the bottom half of the laptop and lifting it. “Hey, do you want a blanket?”

“Sure.” 

Ellie’s other hand grabbed the edge of her comforter and held it up. 

Hesitantly, you slid your legs under and watched as Ellie did the same, awkwardly holding the laptop in the air before you were both settled enough to rest it on your covered right thigh and her left.  “Better?”

When you nodded, she reached her tattooed arm out and pressed play. The audio picked back up, but you couldn’t for the life of you focus on the movie.

When Ellie had asked if you’d wanted a blanket, you were expecting her to toss the throw blanket that would really only fit one person at you, not invite you to get under the blankets with her. That was significantly more intimate.

You two were sitting close enough that your sides were touching, from shoulder to thigh. You could feel her chest lift with each breath, feel the heat coming off of her.

After a while, Ellie properly laid down, taking the laptop and hoisting it up so it rested on her lower abdomen as she settled into her pillow.

You gulped, your eyes flickering between her face and the screen. Ellie’s gaze was fixed intently on the screen, her eyes half lidded with exhaustion.

You could be tired too. You weren’t, of course—your heart was racing a thousand miles an hour. But she didn’t know that. It was normal to lay down next to her, right? You’d done that with Irena more times than you could count, and it was never weird. Yeah, you could do that. 

Also, if you were totally horizontal, you would stop getting distracted by the sliver of her skin that her crooked shirt showed of her chest. 

In a moment of blind courage, you scooted down so your head was lying right next to Ellie’s. She didn’t seem to react, just extending her hand from under the covers to steady the laptop as it wobbled from the movement. 

Her sheets smelled like the soap that you used to wash your hair—a cottony freshness that had the slightest hint of lavender. 

“Are you going to fall asleep on me?” asked Ellie after a while, her voice nothing more than a whisper. 

“I could ask you the same thing,” you responded, equally quiet. Then, because you hadn’t made enough rash decisions for the night, you angled your head so it rested in the space right above her shoulder. 

She inhaled sharply but didn’t move. On her next exhale a piece of her auburn hair tickled your forehead. 

“How’re your stitches?” she asked suddenly, like she'd just remembered.

“They’re okay. I think. As stitches go.”

“After this is over, I’ll check on them,” she said. “Don’t let me forget, okay?”

“Okay,” you whispered, suddenly feeling shy. It was one thing for her to cut off your shirt and see your skin when she was trying to save your life while you were mentally gone. It was another thing altogether to pull up your shirt without adrenaline coursing through you.

You didn’t pay any attention to the rest of the movie, instead hyperfocused on the rhythm of Ellie’s breathing and the fact that if you moved just a little your chin would be on her shoulder. 

Her mention of the stitches wasn’t helping at all, either. Now all you could think about was the embarrassing way you’d basically tried to crawl under her skin, burying your face into her and clutching at her clothes like you were a child.

A part of you was disappointed that you hadn’t been more lucid at the time. If you had, you would’ve been able to clearly remember the softness of her skin against yours. You would’ve been able to enjoy it for what it was—the only time you’d be able to touch her like that.

Because you couldn’t go around just grabbing onto her shirt and getting into her lap. That was a one-off, the only time that the rules were waived. You couldn’t touch her like that now, now that you didn’t have any excuse. It wasn’t allowed.

But sometimes you wanted to so badly that it hurt. 

The movie ended abruptly, wrenching you out of your thoughts. 

“Hey,” whispered Ellie. “Sit up so I can see.”

Reluctantly, you pressed yourself up from your back and began rolling up the hem of your shirt. Ellie twisted to face backwards, her thin top riding up and showing part of her back as she reached for the lamp.

Once golden light returned to the room, Ellie turned back and bumped your hands away. She bent over, tilting her head so that she was looking at the stitches straight on.

They didn’t look bad, you had to admit. Though you wouldn’t consider the actual experience of getting the stitches a 5-star experience, Ellie had clearly known what she was doing. The surrounding flesh didn’t look angry or irritated, and she’d pulled the stitches just tight enough without it puckering. 

She prodded at the side, then gave a satisfied nod. “Looks good. What did I tell you? I’m really good at this sort of stuff.”

“I think you would’ve made a really good doctor,” you said once she’d sat up straight again. “Under different circumstances.”

“Is this you telling me that you don’t think I’m a good doctor now?” she teased. 

“Your bedside manner could use some work,” you offered.

Ellie laughed then, shaking her head and crossing her arms over her chest. “Yeah, yeah. You lived. You'll get over it.” 

“Did you go to school?” you found yourself asking, hung up on the thought of Ellie as a potential medical student. If she’d been in one of your intro biology classes, you never would’ve been able to pay attention. That was a fantasy you could shelve away for later. 

“Sort of,” said Ellie, looking down at her arms. “I went to a military prep school run by FEDRA. I didn’t graduate though—obviously. I was long gone by then.” 

“Right,” you said, remembering that she’d mentioned that she’d been 14 when she’d left Boston. “And what was it like?” 

She paused, opening her mouth before closing it. “It was—unkind. Joel's told me about schools before the outbreak. It was nothing like that. There were some normal classes, but most of it was meant to prepare us to be soldiers.” 

“Is that where you learned how to do sutures?” 

“Among other things.”

Terranova had no military academies, given that there was hardly any military presence. The founder of Terranova had bodyguards and there was a police force that controlled the borders, but it was nothing like Ellie described. With invisible borders and a social order that valued peace and tranquility over all else, there was no real danger posed to any of the citizens. 

But from what you had learned from movies and books and comments from older people, you had gathered a very dim picture of what a military academy looked like—harsh, strict, and cruel. 

“I’m sorry you had to grow up like that,” you said. 

“It’s okay.”

“Is there anything you would want to study? If you could?” 

Ellie’s eyes closed. “Yeah. There are a couple things.” 

She did not elaborate. 

~

It didn’t take long for you two to settle back into your routine of meeting in her room each evening and watching one of your downloaded movies. Following the night after you’d gotten your stitches, you wouldn’t even have to ask—Ellie would pull up her comforter and let you slide in next to her without giving you a second glance.

You’d also gotten over the fear of touching her. Now, when you flopped back so your head was on her pillow, you’d adjust until you were nestled into the crook of her neck. She never once reacted to it, remaining perfectly still unless she was adjusting the laptop or messing with the sound. 

Because it was normal, of course. You and Irena would rest your head on each other’s shoulders sometimes. That was something that friends did. 

One night a week or so into April, you and Ellie made a harrowing discovery: there was only one movie left in your collection that you two hadn’t seen together. 

“Damn,” said Ellie, furrowing her brow. “And there’s no way to get more on here?”

“I’m afraid not,” you said, frowning. “To download more or stream one, I’d need either an Ethernet cable or a wi-fi connection. Neither of which function out here anymore without cell towers and maintained cables.” 

“Right,” said Ellie, though her face told you that she didn’t understand a word that had come out of your mouth. “So—this is it?”

“Yeah.” Your finger hovered over the play button. “Savor it, I guess.” 

When you settled back and into her side, the heavy weight of dread settled into your stomach. Now that you’d finished showing her your entire collection, it’s not like she’d have a reason to invite you over every night. And there was especially no reason for you two to lie so closely together unless you were both trying to watch something on a small screen.

Once again, your excuse to touch her was gone.

You pressed closer to her as your mind raced. There was no way that Ellie didn’t see what you were doing as platonic, right? Was it possible that she was creeped out by how touchy you were but just tolerated it to be nice? 

Maybe. You swallowed hard, keeping your eyes fixed on the screen. Ellie didn’t see you like…like that. She spoke to you like you were an obligation, a burden. Because you always had been. You’d been a responsibility thrust on her by a father figure who felt like he was indebted to you from that stupid bag of coffee you were lucky enough to bring. 

Oh, god. Had Joel told her to befriend you? Had he asked for Ellie to pretend like she enjoyed spending time with you and to put up with your privileged, soft-hearted nonsense? 

The knowledge that you were spiraling wasn’t enough to stop you. You did the best that you could—tried to remind yourself that it’d been a while since she’d looked disgusted with you, recall that she was outspoken enough to tell you to fuck off if you did something she didn’t like—but it was to no avail.

Ellie reached forward and hit pause on the movie, thrusting you both into silence. 

“Is everything okay?” she asked after a moment. 

“Yeah, why?” 

“I can feel your heart going, like, crazy fast.” 

You froze. “Oh. Uh, yeah. I was just thinking.” 

Ellie pushed the laptop off of her, sitting up to give you an odd look. “About a near death experience or something? You running a marathon up there? That shit’s not normal.” 

You laughed nervously. “It’s really nothing. Just an, uh, suspenseful movie.” 

Which was actually really stupid of you to say, because you were watching some obscure Tarkovsky film that did nothing but pan over burning buildings and pensive men. For the past 5 minutes, there had been nothing on screen but the back of a car driving through traffic with minimal sound. Also, it was in Russian, and the English subtitles made zero sense.

There was a reason why this was the last movie you chose.

“This is the most boring fucking movie I’ve ever watched in my life, so you’re a dirty fucking liar,” said Ellie. Then her face pinched in worry. “Wait. Have you taken a look at your stitches lately?” 

Before you could answer, she was grabbing a flashlight off her nightstand and yanking the comforter off you. She was pulling your shirt up when you finally found your voice.

“Wait!” you said, grabbing the bottom of your shirt and yanking it back in place. “It’s not—I don’t have an infection, okay? There’s nothing wrong with me. I really was just thinking, okay?”

“About what?” She reached back to place her flashlight back on the stand without taking her eyes off you. 

“It’s nothing important.”

“If you say so.” 

She picked the laptop up and placed it back on her thighs, lying back down. You followed suit, but this time you didn’t touch her, opting to keep as much distance as you could so she wouldn’t hear the stuttering of your heart. 

Not even 5 minutes had passed before Ellie sat up to pause the video again.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“No. Why?” 

“You’re acting weird,” she accused, but there wasn’t much conviction behind her voice. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I mean that you’re acting weird,” she repeated, shutting your laptop off and moving it to the bottom of her bed, despite the protests that left your lips. 

“I don’t understand,” you said. “I’m just watching the movie. I’m not doing anything. “

“You’re not watching the movie,” she said. “You weren’t even looking at the screen. What’s got you so bothered? Did I do something?” 

“Of course not.” You pulled your legs under you so your legs were crossed and your back was against the wall. “You don’t need to worry. It’s honestly fine. I’m sorry if I’ve done something to imply otherwise.” 

Ellie rubbed the bridge of her nose, sighing. “You stress me out. You can just tell me, you know? No need to be so cagey. I promise I’ve heard worse.” 

“Don’t be so quick to say that.”

“Okay, now you have to tell me,” she said. “I’m never going to know peace again with a hook like that.” 

You were about to open your mouth to tell her that it was stupid and that it didn’t matter, but something stopped you. 

That was the coward’s way out. That’s what you’d always done—hid your feelings and concealed your emotions. That’s how you’d been raised. That’s how you thought everyone was. But now that you’d spent 2 months in Jackson, you’d realized that some people actually just said what they thought. And that, in the grand scheme of things, it was a better system than the Terranovian culture of superficiality.  

Just because the you 2 months ago would have shook her head and changed the subject didn’t mean the you now had to. 

Maybe this you could be different. Maybe, for once, this you could be brave. 

“I really—” You stopped yourself. Saying I really like you didn’t even begin to encompass what you felt for the girl sitting across from you. To distill the sheer magnitude of your feelings down to four words felt criminal. The swell in your chest that never went away whenever you were near her could never and would never be adequately represented in the puny offerings of the Latin alphabet and the English language, and if you were going to do this, you were going to do it right. 

You dared to look up at her for a moment. She was completely still, her green eyes reflecting the dim moonlight from outside. Once you met her gaze, you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it away.

“I’m really sorry that I’m putting you in an uncomfortable position for saying this,” you began (because old habits ran deep, and you would rather die than be impolite), “And I totally understand if you don’t want to talk to me after this. And I’m sorry for not telling you earlier.”

“As much as I’m sure that this is some sort of cultural cornerstone for you, please spare me the 6 foot long disclaimer script,” Ellie drawled.

“Right.” You gulped. “Anyway. As I was saying.”

“Any day now.” 

At that moment, she had never looked more perfect. Your eyes had adjusted to the dark lighting, so the weak moonlight that spilled in from the window above her created a halo around her head. 

“It’s you.” Your voice came out tiny. “You’re all that I can think about, and I don’t know what to do.”

There. It was off your chest.

For a moment, it was as if you’d suspended time, stopping Earth on its axis as you both held your breaths. There was nothing but silence and the occasional wooden creak of the old house’s foundation in the wind. 

Ellie’s face betrayed nothing, save for something in her eyes and the disappearance of the smirk that had been on her lips moments before. 

Then she spoke, her response whispered.

“Come here, then.” 

final a/n: NOW HOLD ON before you show up outside my dorm with pitchforks and torches 🗣️🗣️🗣️ i'm so sorry but this was a necessary evil as this was going to a massive scene without the chapter break. also a disproportionately massive chapter compared to the other ones coming out. i write very quickly and should get the following part out in a timeframe similar to the first 3 parts. thank u for reading ! tell me what you think abt this chapter while you wait x

#ellie williams x reader #ellie williams x you #ellie williams x y/n #ellie williams self insert #ellie williams x oc #ellie williams fluff #ellie williams imagine

[dellalyra]

Make Shoko and y/n kiss

The Crisis

“I need you all to kiss me.”

A beat of silence echoes across the room.

“Well shit, I knew we were all close but I didn’t think we were that close.” Suguru smirks.

Satoru looks genuinely confused.

You just raise an eyebrow.

“Shut up, Geto. I’m pretty sure I prefer girls so I’m just trying to make sure, and since I’ve no romantic attachment to any of you it makes most sense to kiss you all.” She shrugs and then, as if conducting an experiment, which you guess she is - lines you all up like toy soldiers.

“But that’s so not fair on anyone else - I’m an incredible kisser I’ll automatically win.” Gojo winks.

“As if, ‘toru. I’m 100% the best kisser here.” You retort.

“Oh yeah - prove it, Princess.”

“Guys - this isn’t the time to deal with whatever unresolved, unspoken sexual tension you two have - this is about my sexuality crisis -” Shoko huffs, to which you and Satoru both deny and blush (it’s true).

“You mean your crush on Utahime?” Suguru interrupts.

“Shut the actual fuck up, Suguru.” The brunette responds with a growl.

“Make me.” He smirks, leaning down. Oh the boys got some kiss foreplay going on? Okay.

With that she leans up, and presses her hands to his neck, as he snakes a hand around her waist - and she seems to be genuinely enjoying it, but she still pulls away. Geto winks, and languidly flops back onto the sofa.

Shoko then looks between you and Satoru, she knows your feelings for him - and vice versa, maybe a hint of jealousy could push you forward. She subtly quirks a brow at you, and you nod to her, giving your approval that you aren’t upset one of her test subjects is him - why would you when you know she’s got absolutely no romantic intentions toward him, and you’re starting to think maybe, just maybe, there might be some reciprocal feelings to you on his part.

“Satoru, bend down you fucking beanstalk.” She demands and he leans down and just as their lips touch, lasting maybe 3 seconds, they both pull away - spluttering and wiping their mouths.

“Ugh! That was like kissing my grandma!” Satoru gags.

“Fuck that was like kissing my brother - and why do you taste like cherry lip balm?” She asks, wiping her lips on her sleeve.

“Oh I borrowed some of Y/N’s -”

“Indirect kis-” Suguru smirks at you all, feet on the coffee table.

“Shut up, Suguru!” You and Satoru hiss in unison.

“Y/N, sweetie, c’mere.” She says, opening her arms and tucking your hair behind your ear.

You cup her squishy cheeks and take a step on your tip toes to press your lips to hers, and she wraps her hands on your waist to keep you balanced on your toes. You hear a sound behind you, which you’d later realise was Satoru hissing like a damn snake, not liking seeing anyone else get to kiss his princess, not that you were actually his - fuck, he had to change that. Soon. You probably would have felt the same way if when Shoko and Satoru kissed they hadn’t looked like they both just drank sour milk.

You nip her lower lip softly, competitive streak coming through - you were going to win this.

You then pull away.

“Wow. Okay. Right - that was a lot to deal with so gimme a minute to decide my verdict.” Shoko says as she begins her mental maths.

“Glad we could be of service, Ko.” You laugh, sitting beside Satoru who puts his arm around your shoulders, a subtle sign of ‘this is mine’.

A moment later - she stood up.

“Okay, SO - 85% sure I’m a lesbian. Satoru - we’re never speaking of that again.”

“Agreed.”

“The 15% uncertainty comes from you, Suguru. You made me question many things. Also, you’re the best kisser.”

“Free anytime, Sho.” He shrugs with pride.

“Y/N, baby - I love you like you’re my baby sister, the lack of chemistry didn’t help especially bc I had Jack Frost over there glaring at me the whole time, and you were obviously trying to imagine you were kissing him.”

Here you almost shrink into the sofa.

“But most of all the issue was you’re not my type.” She shrugs.

It’s time to get your own back.

“You mean I’m not Utahime enough?” You smirk as the boys whoop and jeer.

“Alright you lil’shit - SATORU Y/N HAD A DREAM L-” and with that you dived at her, and thus began the biggest pillow fight between the four of you that Jujutsu Tech had ever seen.

listen to: need to know - doja cat

#jjk #jjk x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #anime #family formations extras

[withacapitalp]

@lazylittledragon did more Mombin (check it out here it's great) which I think means I might be contractually obliged to write more fic that is inspired by it. Like wowza I am obsessed with this concept

Tw: vomiting/morning sickness, reddit, discussions of cancer

Robin was dying. 

That was the only explanation. 

Dying. 

And the worst part was, she was dying of something that was both incredibly funny, and incredibly sad, and she had been so desperate for answers that she had gone to a place no mortal should ever dare to go to. 

Reddit. 

Posted by u/familyvideobrokeme

I (24F) think that I might have breast cancer, and I have no idea how to tell my (25M) best friend.

So my best friend “Sam” and I have been attached at the hip for as long as I can remember. He’s not just a friend to me, he’s my person (and before you get any ideas- I’m a lesbian, so no, not happening.) we tell each other everything, even the super gross stuff neither of us wants to hear- like seriously he’s asked me to check his ass to see if he managed to pop the pimple he found there before- so I’ve never been in this position before…

But I think I’m dying of breast cancer, and I have no clue how to start this conversation. 

It just came on really suddenly??? Like last month I was fine, and this month my boobs just hurt in this really weird way I’ve never experienced before? Like I’m sore and tingly and my bras don’t fit?! Boobs are kind of a joke between us though, so I feel like if I just blurt it out then he will start saying ‘boobie cancer’ over and over at me and we will just end up laughing and he’ll think I’m kidding. 

Sam is also my roommate? I don’t know if that matters here? I also haven’t gone to a doctor yet, but there isn’t anything else this can be, right? Nothing else just magically makes your boobs hurt and get big?

Robin had made the post at three am the night before while crying and eating Ben and Jerry’s, and she had forced herself to not look at replies all night, even going as far as to shut her phone off entirely.

But now it was the next day, and she had steadfastly ignored the notifications from Reddit all the way through Saturday Brunch and Bitch. 

She couldn’t ignore them anymore. 

“You’re good if I work a little?” Robin asked, pulling her laptop close to her and carefully angling it so Steve couldn’t see the screen. 

“As you wish,” Steve muttered, completely absorbed with whatever dog video he was watching. 

“Dingus,” She whispered affectionately, an odd mixture of love and guilt crashing in her chest as she opened the website and logged into her account. She had over a thousand notifications now, and the comments were still rolling in as she opened her post and scrolled down. 

Endofthebeginningoftheend

OP are you sure you’re not in love with Sam

Grapenuts Dude she said she’s a lesbian

View 564 more replies

Robin rolled her eyes. She had expected that, but she didn’t expect it to be the top comment. She quickly scrolled past. 

Cheercaptainfromhell

OP I would definitely go to a doctor before anything else! 

SmeddieSmunson Seriously how has she gotten this far without going to a doctor??

The answer was easy. Robin was terrified of doctors. Why go to a doctor when Steve had EMT training? 

Because in this instance she couldn’t ask Steve for help. 

Robin kept scrolling. 

Frenchiefreis

You might be pregnant honestly…I would take a test first

Headphilosopher She’s a lesbian so I doubt it, but pregnancy can also cause those symptoms-

Robin snorted to herself, side eyeing Steve to make sure he didn’t look up when she did. 

Did everyone just ignore the part where she said she was a lesbian? 

…was Robin ignoring the part where being a lesbian didn’t mean fuck all when it came to her chances of getting pregnant?

Yes she was ignoring it because it was once just once and they had barely even gotten to do anything at all and-

Robin scrolled again, growing more and more desperate

Rummingbird

That doesn’t really sound like breast cancer to me My mom had similar things happen when she was pregnant though-

Another scroll. Another flutter of her heart. 

No. It wasn’t that. She was dying. Dying was bad but the idea that she was…that she could be…

HyllyBRd

OP have you considered that you might be pregnant? I know that you’re a lesbian, but if you’ve had penetrative sex in the last month then you might want to consider-

“Are you going to be good for me?” 

Robin gasped as the memory hit her, closing the reddit tab with a slam of her finger on the mouse pad, her entire body starting to softly shake as she panic opened a google tab.

Boobs hurt????

Not exactly the most scientific way of phrasing that question, but Robin needed an answer that didn’t involve nine long months of what the fuck. Luckily there was a read more question that got right to the heart of the issue. 

What kind of breast pain indicates pregnancy? 

It was going to say something completely different to what she had, and Robin was going to laugh, and then she would turn to Steve and let him know she was dying of boobie cancer. 

It wasn’t going to be the same. 

It wasn’t. 

Robin looked at the screen. 

Fuller. Sorer. Tingly pain that felt unlike anything else. Aka exactly what she had. 

Robin’s fingers moved on autopilot, asking another question of Google

How late should my period be before I worry?

Worrying about what? She knew about what, but she couldn’t bring herself to type it, she couldn't even think of that word yet.

Google said after a week of missing your period it was time to see a doctor. Robin’s period was over three weeks late. 

And a month ago-

A month ago…

“Fuck you’re so tight,” The woman above her whispered. Robin whimpered, unable to help herself as the stretch-

“I need to use the bathroom.” She blurted out, slamming her laptop shut and practically throwing it off of her, stomach twisting into knots. 

“I’ll tell you what I tell my students Bobbin,” Steve said, barely looking up and completely unaware of her meltdown, “You don’t need to ask me for permission to go take care of your bodily functions,”

“Oh, shut up,” Robin replied, laughing breathlessly. It was such a stupid joke, such a meaningless stupid joke. But it was safe, and it was familiar, and if the sneaking suspicion creeping down Robin’s spine was true, then nothing would be safe and familiar again for a very long time. 

She stood up, stopping to press a kiss to the top of Steve’s head as she walked by, just because that was familiar too and she needed it. Steve hummed, leaning over to bonk his head against her tummy as she passed him.

A bonk on the tummy that may or may not be-

Nope. It was a no. It was definitely a no. There was no possible way. 

Robin was going to be sick. 

She basically flew the last few steps to the bathroom, managing to lock it tight before she threw up in the sink. It was disgusting, and messy, and she pushed the tap on before kneeling down at the porcelain throne and continuing to hurl. 

I need Steve.

It wasn’t even really a thought. She couldn’t think while throwing her guts up, that was an experience that required every bit of her attention and mind power. 

No, not a thought, just an instinctual message from the universe, a pull from somewhere deep inside her that felt like more than just a truth. 

Because Robin didn’t need Steve because she was throwing up. Or because she thought she might have boob cancer. 

Robin needed Steve because she knew she was pregnant. 

“Fuck me,” She groaned, leaning back from the toilet only to lean forward once more as the rest of brunch came back up. 

#steve harrington #stranger things #st #st drabble #robin buckley #mombin #platonic stobin #Steve and robin #robin and steve #tw: vomit #tw: vomiting #tw: mentions of cancer

[mysoftboybensolo]

Is there an Asexual Problem in the Shadow and Bone Fandom?

(trigger warning: mentions of sexual assault)

This is something I have been pondering for a long while now, and with the recent season really made me consider it more. I want to state before going into this that I am a demisexual, in case this changes anyone’s mind of what I am about to say. Before going into my spiel, here are some terms I feel need to be explained; Asexual, meaning a person who experiences no sexual feelings or desires, not feeling sexually attracted to another; Aromantic, meaning a person who experiences little to no romantic attraction or feelings towards another; Demisexual, meaning a person who develops sexual feelings or attraction to another only after developing a close relationship, not based on first impressions or physical attributes; Allosexual, meaning a person who experiences sexual attraction of a regular basis. Now that we have that out of the way, let’s begin.

I feel as if there is an Ace problem in the Shadow and Bone fandom because it feels like everyone has things mixed up and is unaware of what the definition of asexual is, but there are a few people on here that I have interacted with, who came across more acephobic when discussing these topics. It also doesn’t help that there was a major issue with one of the writers posting a picture of two of the actors with a caption that was very, whether she meant to or not, offensive and harmful. But let’s talk about why I think there may be an ace issue in the fandom.

My first problem is how people view mainly Kaz, but also Inej. It is really bothersome when people say that they are asexual due to trauma. You can headcanon them as asexual if you have something else to back it up other than relying on trauma. Why? Because it’s harmful. Coming out to my friends and family that I was demisexual wasn’t always easy, because some immediately thought that it meant something was wrong. I was asked straight out by one person if I had been sexually assaulted and if that is the reason why I claimed I was demisexual, with someone even suggesting I go to therapy for it. This happens to people on the ace spectrum more than people think, leading to the allo-sexual people believing in the myth that being asexual means “broken” or “damaged”. It has been known to happen that a character can be both asexual and traumatized, but their sexuality shouldn’t be based on what their trauma is. Imagine asking a lesbian if they prefer women because they had a bad experience with a man. Doesn’t that sound incredibly offensive? It’s the same thing with ace-spectrum people.

Kaz and Inej do want each other, there are more than three passages which talks about their desires for each other. I personally headcanon them as demisexual, mainly because in those times the narration talks of desire, it’s always to each other, but that is just me. There is no denying that they want each other, just held back by their own traumas, and how they both want to heal in order to achieve intimacy. Quite literally, at the end of Crooked Kingdom, they are holding hands without gloves, and it shows that they are healing and want to try to further their physical relationship, and it doesn’t take away the great emotional bond that they have together.

Trauma is something that should be healed, it should not be something a person carries throughout their life, preventing them from living a healthy and happy life. Hearing people say that there can’t be anything more between them even in the future because they are asexual due to trauma feels like you don’t want them to heal from their abusive past. The fact that Kaz can’t even hold hands with her is sad, the fact that people touch Inej and she’s back at the menagerie is tragic, they should be able to have the chance to have simple intimacies with people, regardless of whether or not you want them to have sex. If your only argument as to why a character is asexual is “trauma” then you are doing it wrong.

The other problem I have is Tolya. I love Tolya, he’s a great character, and I know that many people who watch the show may have not read the books, but he is aro-ace. In Rule of Wolves, Nikolai asks Tolya why he is single, the text says “Tolya shrugged his huge shoulders. ‘I have my faith, my books, I never wanted more.’”, which is as close to saying aro-ace without saying the words (x). People have taken the tiny moment between him and Inej as something possibly romantic, and I hope the show doesn’t go that route, not just because Kanej is endgame, but because it would be stripping away the proper ace-spectrum representation the fandom needs. But what bothers me more is how fans, who may not know this, are being told by others why they don’t like the relationship will react harshly, saying that it’s not set in stone, that Tolya is whatever they want him to be.

So, a character who isn’t ace in the source material is suddenly ace, but then a different character who is ace in the source material suddenly isn’t. This is a problem. I was talking about this with another blog and their response was to say that it isn’t set in stone, how dare I try to change his sexuality, and I just don’t want Inej to have nice things. I didn’t change anything about his sexuality, it’s that way in the books, and the show never said what his sexuality is or isn’t, and this idea that Inej deserves someone who can touch her is incredibly offensive. This is similar to the one writer who made an Instagram post with Amita and Lewis, with a comment that says “Sometimes you need some skin on skin” link right here (x). This is incredibly offensive, to suggest that the only way a fulfilling relationship is through physical means, erasing Inej’s trauma, making fun to the point of being ableist of Kaz, and ignoring that Tolya is canonically aro-ace.

Diversity is incredibly important, there is no denying that, and as someone on the ace-spectrum, I always look for it, but when there is an actual character who is shown to be on the spectrum, it is incredibly disrespectful to change that just because you want to ship them with someone else. Imagine if Tolya was gay and you changed him to being straight because you liked him with a female character, that would have been bad. It’s the same thing.

In short, being ace is not a result of trauma, people should be allowed to heal, and don’t change character’s sexual/romantic preferences just for your own shipping needs.

 Tagging: @foxhellvar @darklingswhore @manikas-whims @smolandweirdwriter @lixiesbabyhands @lyannarhaegars @quillsthrills @freddycartr @freddycarterus 

#shadow and bone #six of crows #crooked kingdom #kaz brekker #inej ghafa #tolya yul bataar #asexual #demisexual #aromantic #amita suman #freddy carter #lewis tan #kaz x inej #kanej

[tfyoulookingatgiuxs]

Could you do a Dom Nancy wheeler x sub f!reader smut where reader gets in trouble or something like that

• This intrigues me! I like writing about Nancy and I think I won't mind writing something about it 😗 Let me know if i satisfied your request!

Mommy's Rules

Nancy Wheeler x Reader

𝐒𝐔𝐌𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘: Anger pervaded you and you preferred not to interact with your girlfriend, avoiding arguments with her too. She noticed, and Nancy saw fit to remind you who's in charge.

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: +18!!SMUT!!!MDNI!!! Lesbian sex, fingerings, mommy kink, praise kink, begging, degradation, spanking, orgasm denial, pet names (good girl, princess etc...), cunnilings, fem!sub!reader, slightbrat!reader, use of Y/N, Dom!Mommy!Nancy, slight aftercare.

𝐀/𝐍: I hope I have satisfied your request. I don't consider myself a great smut writer. Sorry for my english this is not my native language. Please support and reblog. Hope you enjoy this one! (DIVIDER NOT MINE)

You slammed the door as soon as you entered the house. Darkness reigned in your apartment, which makes you understand that your girlfriend wasn't home either. You had just gotten home from work and you would have preferred not to go at all this morning. Your boss did nothing but give you things to do every single day and you were seriously reaching the limit of your tolerance. You were the best in your course, you were determined and willing to work. You liked your job, even your colleagues, they were very friendly but your boss was a pain in the ass, making your day a real shit.

You threw everything on the floor, not caring about the mess you left and went to the bedroom, throwing yourself dead weight onto the soft mattress.

You were seriously tired and your nervous system was through the roof. You were pissed at the world and you knew you wouldn't have mercy on anyone today. Nobody had to give you trouble today. After a couple of minutes you fell asleep feeling your mind detach from the heavy reality eliminating all the negative thoughts of that moment. Silence was your soundtrack but it was quickly interrupted by the sound of the front door opening “Y/N?”.

Fuck. You thought. Nancy just got back.

Your girlfriend, like you, was at work but strangely returned incredibly early. Normally you would have preferred the presence of your sweet girlfriend next to you reassuring you that everything will be fine and that she will always stay by your side. But no. Today you didn't have this sweet fantasy "They discharged me from work early today" she revealed as you heard her voice echo throughout the apartment.

You knew very well that soon you would unleash hell, not that you were mad at her, but you had to relax without anyone present, not even Nancy. You didn't want to tell her things you didn't mean and you certainly didn't want to throw all your anger on her. "What mess did you leave on the floor, darling?" She noticed your things as you heard her head towards the bedroom, finding you lying on your stomach.

"Darling, are you okay? Were you sleeping?" She asked kindly and if you weren't so pissed off you would have hugged and cuddled her all day "What do you think?" Your tone was sarcastic and Nancy seems to have noticed that note of anger towards her "Do you want to tell me what happened? Do you want me to bring you something?" It was unbelievable how patient she was, and you were considering changing your attitude given her kindness. But you wanted to take a risk.

"No! Leave me the fuck alone! I don't want anything" You lifted your head from the pillow looking at her figure. Fuck, she was so beautiful...but her gaze changed and for a moment you stopped breathing. You were getting into trouble.

"Make sure you tone it down with me Y/N" she warned you as she headed into the living room putting down her jacket, you gritted your teeth saying fuck off the consequences "Oh yeah? Or what? Don't challenge me today Wheeler" silence fell for a moment and you got into a sitting position waiting for her response. Maybe I exaggerated? Maybe she was offended? You started thinking feeling guilty. Every now and then you knew how to be exaggerated and maybe you took it out on others for no specific reason just to vent your repressed anger. You knew it was wrong, but Nancy understand it and learned to accept this flaw in you, but what if you hurt her now?

You were about to say something when quick footsteps headed towards you almost making you jump. Nancy catapulted in front of you, slamming the bedroom door and turning on the lamp next to the nightstand. She looked at you with a stern look and then gave you a slap. You felt the burning sensation spread across your cheek and your eyes watered “You don't try to challenge me” you looked away as you held your burning cheek “We forgot good manners, huh?” She grabbed your jaw forcing you to look at her "You dare disrespect mommy?" You shook your head letting out a whimper. “Bend over” she ordered you seriously and you blushed “Nancy—”.

"I said, bend over. Get in that fucking position that rude sluts like you like" her dominant tone intimidated you making you clench your thighs together in excitement. You liked it when she took this tone, but at the same time it creeped you out, especially when it came to punishing you. You obeyed, getting into the classic doggy position. Nancy wasted no time in pulling down your pants revealing your black lace panties, her favorite. She cupped your ass cheek with one hand and spanked it, making you let out a soft moan. The spanking wasn't that hard, but it would be soon and that made you regret your previous responses towards her "I think you and I need to go over what the rules are a bit, don't you think darling?" She said and you heard the sound of her belt as she pulled it off. Now you would have suffered, entering a painful world that would leave marks on you for the next few weeks.

You couldn't go back, much less apologize now. Nancy wouldn't accept your apology. You nodded obediently and felt her hand on your skin again making you gasp "I didn't hear you" You raised your head looking in front of you where the window was closed by the curtains, while you could feel the thoughtful presence of your girlfriend behind you “Yes Mommy.”

"Good" she said in a low volume of voice and then adjusted the belt well on her hand "Now. You will tell me all the rules that your mommy made you memorize and every time you make a mistake we start over from the beginning, it's clear to you?" You bit your bottom lip. When you and Nancy entered the BDSM world of sex, everything was new to you, but when you implemented this role of mother you couldn't do without it, making it a bit of your lifestyle, then imposing rules that you would had to learn and absolutely respect. This drove you crazy and made you even wetter. You had never been a real brat, because you knew how strict Nancy could be and now that you were so disobedient you only expected one of the worst punishments.

“Yes Mommy” You said in a pathetic tone lowering your head looking at your hands buried in the sheets. “Now let's get started,” she warned and you took a deep breath.

Spank!

You let out a moan feeling the pain of the belt against your sensitive skin, but didn't give Nancy a response. “So? Do I have to start over?” You shook your head quickly “No please.” Nancy gave you another hard spank on your ass "Rule number one" she said and you wasted no time in responding "N-Never disrespect Mommy" You stammered "If you keep this up we'll end up sooner than you think, and if you be a good girl, mommy will make you cum" She offered and you nodded, already feeling your pussy getting exaggeratedly wet through your panties.

Spank!

The belt feels more painful than her hands “Rule number two” You whimpered gripping the covers “Don’t talk back to Mommy.”

“That was the rule that bitches like you were supposed to abide by” She replied to you in a contemptuous tone “I'm sorry—” She cut you off “I don't give a shit now about your apology. You had to be good before” she was right. Did you know what you were getting into and now you had the courage to apologize? No. You couldn't do it and you knew it.

Spank!

"Rule number three" the burning became more and more intense "N-Never lie to mommy."

Spank!

"Rule number four" your eyes began to shine again "Always listen to mommy" what perhaps you should have done when she asked you what you wanted in a patient and sweet tone, as if to tell you that perhaps there was no need to use such unpleasant and vulgar tones.

Spank!

“Rule number five” You felt your pussy throbbing “Do everything Mommy says” Nancy seemed amazed at how you were continuing without making any mistakes, given that the rules she had imposed on you were quite a few.

Spank!

“Rule number six” the leather belt started to leave red marks as your eyes started to water “Uh—Always ask mommy for everything.”

Spank!

“Rule number seven” your whimpers started to get louder and louder “Be a good girl for Mommy” You heard Nancy giggle “Just what you're not, aren't you slut?” You couldn't help it, you loved it when she treated you like that, telling you how stupid and disobedient you were that you deserved a severe punishment.

You went on at least nine more times until you reached the final three.

Spank!

“Rule number seventeen” you were seriously destroyed by the constant pain and burning that you were wetting the covers with your tears. Your head was now on the mattress leaving your ass in the air all red and sore "D-don't be a brat to Mommy."

Spank!

"Rule number eighteen" the last two were missing. You couldn't take it anymore "Respect mommy's punishments" you almost shouted it indicating to your girlfriend how exhausted you were from the continuous abuse on your ass.

Spank!

"Rule number nineteen" was the last one and you let out a moan expressing your relief "Never spit out mommy's cum" not that you didn't like it, you loved being spanked, but for nineteen times – actually, twenty, it was a real torture, especially if it makes you so needy.

“Good girl” She threw the belt down caressing your now red ass cheeks “Mommy please...” you begged moving your ass slightly “I don't know, do you deserve it?” She asked and you had lost your mind by now, you wanted her to fuck you the way you wanted "Yes yes yes, please Mommy" you were so stupidly needy that Nancy couldn't help but laugh at your complete submission. She pulled your panties down revealing your wet pussy now in contact with the cold air. Her fingers travel along your wet folds and then play a bit with your clit, inevitably making you moan with pleasure.

"Have you learned to behave now? Are you a good girl again?" She asked placing her now wet fingers around your needy hole “Yes mommy, I will be good I promise, I swear!” Nancy's hand now rested on your hip while the other dipped two fingers into your wet pussy making you roll your eyes as you whimpered again and again until her fingers picked up the right pace. The speed increased and your pussy tightened around her fingers stimulating that sweet spot inside you.

“Oh yesyesyesyes, mommy please— I need to cum” you begged, feeling yourself almost reaching your limit. Her fingers slipped away killing the beautiful feeling preventing you from coming leaving you shocked "No. You're not coming, not now" Nancy said throwing you completely onto the bed with your head resting on the pillows as your pussy was on display along with your ruined face from the mascara running because of the tears "Look at you, so ruined" she whispered, caressing your cheek "Mommy..."

“Shh…” she hushed you as she finally removed your pants and panties, easily opening your legs. Her fingers trailed up your thighs getting dangerously close to your crotch. You let a gasp escape your lips wanting her to do something "Don't be impatient" she said in a luxurious tone as she kissed your clit softly "I know mommy, b-but I want to cum, I need to cum" you said giving her a submissive look as she continued to place light kisses on your pussy, feeling your breath on it.

“You will come when I tell you” she ordered, burying her face between your legs tasting your wet pussy. You threw your head back as you left your mouth open not making a sound, but soon after you let out a moan as Nancy added her tongue "Mommy!—" you closed your eyes letting the passion of the moment lead you.

Her damn tongue on your pussy making you feel that annoying sting “Oh fuck—” you seriously had to come, but you knew you couldn’t do it without her consent. Your legs began to tremble noticeably as Nancy tortured your clit by sucking on it. You started to squirm "Stay still" she said "I need to cum, please please please mommy let me cum" You whimpered reopening your eyes letting some tears fall "No" she replied dryly but you couldn't accept this answer "I swear to you, I will always be a good girl, I promise, I will respect every single rule, I will never talk back to you again, please!" You almost cried as more moans left your lips.

Nancy continued sucking on your clit and licking it at the end "Will you be good?" She asked giving you a light kiss on your inner thigh "Yes Mommy!! I will always be good for you" you arched your back "Good girl. Come for your Mommy" you didn't have to be told twice, you came on her face as you dug your fingers into the covers. Nancy tasted some of your juice watching you catch your breath "Thanks mommy..." You started to feel slightly sleepy as your girlfriend got up to get something to clean you with.

After several minutes, you and Nancy were under the covers of your bed hugging each other as silence reigned between you. Next time you would have directly asked to be fucked rather than punished.

#stranger things #stranger things nancy #nancy x reader #nancy wheeler x reader #nancy wheeler smut #nancy wheeler imagine #nancy wheeler #nancy wheeler angst #nancy wheeler fluff #lesbian #lgbtqia #mommy k!nk #loveislove

[rationalisms]

You mentioned that you don't think legally blonde is progressive and I'd like to hear more of your thoughts on that if you don't mind.

i mean, in the first place (and i promise i'm not trying to sound condescending i just genuinely don't know how else to say this) i think it's important to like... let go of the binary "progressive/oppressive" model of thinking about media, and instead pivot to talking about analysing e.g. films through different theoretical lenses instead.

so instead of trying to make a definitive declarative statement on whether xyz mainstream hollywood romcom IS or ISN'T feminist, fullstop, it's much more useful and conductive to actual productive discussion to analyse it from a feminist perspective instead.

because when you're no longer limited to ones and zeroes, that'll allow you to, say, in the case of legally blonde, both talk about the way that it takes some steps forward in terms of e.g. letting its protagonist succeed at things that are traditionally seen as male, such as academic success (aside: extra ironic bc in most countries women are better students than men but when has propaganda every cared about that), or choose academic success and her career over her erstwhile romantic partner, but also many steps backward.

like the fact that marketing that brand of hyperfemininity/beauty rituals/etc to women as So Empowering Akshually is part and parcel of misogynistic industries owned by men that prey on women's self-image, time, and money to sell them products that they at best don't need and that at worst are actively bad for them. like, they have caught on by now that shaming women for failing to uphold standards of femininity doesn't work nearly as well as selling them as part of a Feminist Identity in which your 50 step skincare routine that you spend 2 hours a day on so as not to show a single sign of aging is actually just Getting In Touch With Your Body and Expressing Your Womanhood. i honestly do not have the time to get into it right now but i recommend reading "femininity and domination: studies in the phenomenology of oppression" by sandra lee bartky, "beauty work: individual and institutional rewards, the reproduction of gender, and questions of agency" by samantha kwan and mary nell trautner, and/or "choosing to conform: the discursive complexities of choice in relation to feminine beauty practices" by avelie stuart and ngaire donaghue.

and so like, the fact that her Grand Crowning Moments in this film (like her win in court or helping jennifer coolidge's character) actually almost all revolve around those beauty practices and how well she manages to uphold them and not, say, the knowledge she's gaining in the incredibly difficult university course she's taking.

OR such as the fact that there's a whole character who's just there to be the frumpy, masculine, feminist lesbian who's suuuuch a killjoy and combative to our poor protagonist for seemingly no reason and just Hates Feminine Women sooo much, and who we are meant to jeer and laugh at when the Right Kind of Woman (read: feminine and heterosexual) wins against her. or how the protagonist's happy ending still has to include a man anyway. or how you can count the people of colour that even just appear in this film on one hand.

this is at this point definitely already long enough lol but i hope you get what i mean? anyway. there's absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying this film obviously but it's good to be critical of the way these narratives are presented to us, as always.

#anon #reply

[serendipititties]

my mutuals and why they are superior:

@hyperfixatingdumdum - we're related so im biased but i mean. Shes studying medicine. She paints. She sings. Shes bi. Shes might or might not be cis. She takes meds for ADHD. She has that broken girl swag. She has it all. Shes pretty too and ladies she is hella single.

@luvrli - has the nicest sounding voice ever. She paints too so thats sick. Plus she, @hyperfixatingdumdum and I have that telugu bi girl swag and thats always amazing to have. Probably good in school too. Also was my first ever mutual when i joined tumblr! Love her

@deadaldipshit-jpg - she writes AND draws. Shes aroace and tamil. Coolness needs to observe them and take notes.

@pollywantsacracker - so iconic. Serves cunt like its free. Funny, brave, gorgeous, and awesome. She is so strong. She is the moment. Also pansexual so thats punk as hell.

@imslowlydisintegrating - he possesses a gender so confounding I couldnt do it justice if i tried. Shes so so so sweet. Has incredible taste. Is from louisiana and probably has an accent which is sooooo cool of them. Shes neurodivergent and a writer?? Writes poc characters and tries to do them justice?? Perfection.

@drew-dopamine - aroace trans boy. Need i say more? (Helps that hes funny and really nice too). Love him endlessly.

@beomgyutruther - she and I are studying for the same exam right now sooo. But yeah shes indian and queer and amazing and all that is good in this lonely world.

@katyakazanovas - so pretty. I mean shes a lovely person too probably but i got distracted for a second. And shes a fan of ghost so thats cool. Plus shes texan? And pansexual? Incredible is an understatement. Great taste in music 19/10.

@bassguitarinablackt-shirt - I have to be honest, he's blonde so there really isnt much i can defend here. He makes up for it by being a trans he/they gay boy though! Plus he writes! Awesome. Hes super sweet too.

@bil-daddy - Nuff said. (Really nice tho i did message them and they were super sweet)

@docdust- hilarious and lovable. We havent interacted much but i love this blog.

@70snasagay - i mean theyre hungarian so thats already cool. But theyre bi too? And adorable?? And a good omens girly?? I fear im in love.

@lordcatwich - genderfluid neurodivergent writer. How could you top this? (Super sweet and funny too. 19/10)

@funkyratman - came into my dms offering to fight me for the name wren. Common he/him W in my opinion. We're gonna be highway robbers together now.

@purichana that url is the url of one who fought tooth and nail for it. I respect the hustle and the vibes are quite good.

also. @cheezbot. Hilarious.

Edit: i found out pollywantacracker (mint-mayonnaise rn) is lesbian now so thats awesome. The lesbians are lucky to have her

#wren et al #mutual appreciation #wren left her barbequeue on

[fox-steward]

hi, your blog is incredibly interesting- i genuinely didn't realise there was a not conservative side of the gender critical sphere. i've been on testosterone for about 7 months now, so far this has been making me feel more like myself. personally I am not thinking about 'gender' but rather what i want to look and sound like- this has been working better than the whole 'gender is a feeling' thing..which is definitely a theory! If its okay to ask, what are your thoughts on medical transition?

i think medical transition is, broadly, very harmful.

it harms the individual: disrupts natural hormone cycles, negatively impacts cardiovascular health, negatively impacts reproductive functioning, creates an artifice which the individual comes to rely on to "feel like themself," thereby severing that person from true authenticity, necessitating the person remain a lifelong medical patient to keep all effects of hormones, subjecting the person to unnecessary risk of surgery, including death. it costs a lot of money and time that you don't actually have to spend. there is no evidence it correlates with mental health improvement, and it is my opinion that by focusing on transition, people do not attend to the areas of their lives that actually need and would benefit from attention and intervention.

it harms the group: gays and lesbians are disproportionately impacted by medical transition; gender non-conformity (which homosexuality is a form of) has become pathologized; now young lesbians and gays are not only growing up in a culture dominated by heterosexuality and rife with homophobia, they also have to navigate the pervasive message that they might benefit from transition. when i was a kid i was told by adults that i was "trying to be a man," that real women are not lesbians, and eventually i agreed with them. that gender non-conformity is seen as a precursor to "trans identification" only makes this worse--it's like, you get the "what, are you trying to be a man >:( ??!!" but also, "what, are you trying to be a man <=D ??!!" messaging. and what chance do we stand against attacks from all sides?

it is harmful to all women: look around at misogyny--devaluing women's opinions as vapid or lesser, assuming women are weak and fickle, dismissing women's perspectives and ideas, preying on women and girls sexually, seeing women as one-dimensional vessels for the transformation of the men around them--of COURSE girls don't "feel like a woman" these days, who would? instead of looking at the way society treats women and the disidentification it is producing among youth as the blazing alarm that it is, trans culture has wedged itself between women and liberation with the suggestion that "maybe you're not a woman if you don't feel like one?" never minding that "feeling like one" generally means liking being objectified, belittled, seen as weak, ignored, simultaneously not being taken seriously but being blamed for things. not only does this derail the actually important conversation about misogyny, but it leaves women and girls vulnerable to the predation of medical transition, which as i mentioned above, is harmful physically, emotionally, socially, and financially.

also, i would argue there are actually no conservative "gender critical" people. conservatives tend to reject gender non-conformity and embrace traditional gender roles; ain't no way to be critical of gender while holding central traditional gender roles. conservatives may be "trans critical," but they're not actually "gender critical." trans ideology has a lot in common with conservatives when it comes to gender, actually. both reinforce traditional gender stereotypes; how different is "i'm masculine and fit in more with boys than girls, so i must really be a man" from "i'm not a man, so i can't act masculinely, i must act femininely" really? they are threads of the same rope and that rope holds us prisoner, it doesn't free us. true gender non-conformity is being female but realizing that your masculine nature doesn't change anything about you (trans ideology), nor does it need to change itself (conservative ideology).

i know you didn't ask for this part, but you're here in my inbox, so here you go: doesn't it strike you as strange that it's taking synthetic medical intervention to make you "feel like yourself?" is the route to authenticity really via the path of cosmetic surgery and synthetic hormones?

it's either intellectually dishonest or intellectually lazy to stop at you're just "thinking about...how you want to look and sound." WHY do you want to look masculinized and have a deeper voice? there is a zero-percent chance the answer to that question is entirely separate from how those traits get you treated in society. and that's the impact of misogyny. and please don't misunderstand this as me suggesting you should not be masculine--i just don't think you have to subject yourself to the harms of medical transition in order to BE masculine.

and i say this as someone who took these steps, who masculinized with a mastectomy and many years of testosterone. i get that there are certain advantages to appearing as a man in society despite being a woman, but largely these are individual advantages for ME that come at the expense of WOMEN. thinking i'm a man, men take me more seriously; this impacts women by reinforcing the idea that men deserve consideration when women's voices don't, and it means that i don't have to advocate for women to be taken seriously because I don't personally need it; it runs the risk of making me complacent to this phenomenon, convincing me that surely women are exaggerating when they share their experiences because i don't have such a hard time of things, all the men are nice to me. see how pernicious it is?

because i'm 5'10", skinny, and with a flat chest, many people think i'm a man when i'm running. this means i can run at night, with headphones in, in new places--all basically without fear. the stories other women tell me make it clear this isn't the case for them. some women i know don't run outside anymore at all because of how men treat them, sexualize them, harass them, prey on them. so i get that it is a clear advantage to appear as a man sometimes; this is one thing i'm actually really grateful for. but it is not worth the damage i did to my body, it isn't worth the sense of alienation i sometimes feel from women, a sense i also felt with men, even when i was pretending to be "one of them," it isn't worth the money and time and effort i spent trying to convincingly imitate men that i could have spent on things that would actually nurture me and my life.

"gender is a feeling" certainly is a theory, but so is "transition makes me more myself," and one is about as good as the other.

we are not alive to simply take our thoughts and feelings at face value! interrogate your feelings and your ideas! we live in a culture and none of us are immune to that. something something unexamined life.

best of luck, i'm rooting for you.

#gender critical #detransition #radfem #radical feminism #detrans #asked #answered #transgender #anonymous #anon

[watercolorofthemoon]

i forced my roommate to watch both LOTR and The Hobbit with me. Here are some highlights

LOTR:

Roomie: I like this gandalf dude Me: Oh yeah me too. he's a bit questionable sometimes but we love him

30 seconds later, gandalf fighting saruman: Roomie: NO MY SKRUNKLY

Roomie: awe sam is a precious boy Me, internally: oh you dont even know the half of it

merry and pippin stealing crops: Roomie: ARE THEY THE BASTARD LITTLE BROTHERS?? me: I mean i gues- Roomie: FOUND FAMILY LETS FUCKING GO

Elrond being disappointed and having strong eyebrows: Roomie: i feel like i've let down my dad and i dont even have a dad

Roomie: i don't really like boromir that much- me, pausing the movie to explain why boromir is extremely valid: I WILL HAVE NO BOROMIR SLANDER Roomie: is this bc he's a himbo

Roomie: this thorin guy sounds pretty gay if he's given bilbo this thing thats worth more than the shire me, internally: YOU HAVE NO IDEA MOTHERFUCKER

gandalf dying: roomie: NO MY BOY

roomie: please tell me gimli and legolas are gay, because everyone else seems extremely straight me: they arguably one of the gayest duos, yes. roomie: oh good. i thought they straight-washed sam for no reason me: i mean. there are a lot of frodo and sam moments that have no heterosexual explanation viggo breaking his toes: me, practically bursting at the seams: roomie: oh god what is it me: DID YOU KNOW-

gandalf is alive: roomie: FUCK YEAH MY BOY

me, explaining the uruk-hai: roomie: fucked up of a yas character to do that tbh (referring to saruman's manicure)

theoden being stubborn at helm's deep: roomie: okay i like him BUT COME ONNN MAN

eowyn picking up merry before they ride to gondor: roomie: I KNOW I WANTED TO KISS HER FOr A REASON MWAH MWAH EOWYN me:...she gets a bf roomie: NOT ANYMORE

aragorn: for frodo roomie, bursting into tears: me: whoa whoa u good roomie: ITS HIS DAD. ITS FRODO'S DAD.

sam literally carrying frodo up a mountain: roomie:...thats a bit gay mount doom blowing up: roomie: thats unecessary and homophobic

frodo sailing to the undying lands: roomie: TAKE YOUR BOYFRIEND WITH YOU YOU COWARD

The Hobbit:

the scene with baby bilbo: roomie: NAUR I LOVE HIM

bilbo and gandalf interacting as adults: roomie: this feels like it could go very wrong thorin finally showing up: roomie: listen im gay but i'd consider it me: he's probably also gay roomie: mlm and wlw solidarity okay we're bffs now

bilbo running out of the door: roomie: again. this feels like this could go very wrong. me, internally: oh fuck how do they KNOW already

thorin throwing down his weapon bc bilbo got caught by trolls: roomie:....thats....sus. me:...if this is sus...oh boy...

thorin's obvious dislike of elves @ rivendell: roomie: okay so. explain to me why thorin doesn't like elves again- me: did you not watch the entire introduction to thorin? roomie: NO WAIT I REMEMBER THE BLOND BITCH

saruman showing up: roomie: ew.

galadriel showing up: roomie: HELLO SAILOR AWOOGA AWOOGA

bilbo and thorin nearly falling off at the mountain pass: thorin: he's been lost ever since he stepped out his front door roomie: WDYM YOU'RE ALL FUCKED UP- thorin stop being mean to your husband

the entirety of the goblin tunnels and gollum: roomie: this does not bode well. at all. the ring showing up: roomie: I WAS RIGHT

azog versus thorin scene: roomie: dumb bitch...OH NO DOES HE DIE- bilbo to the rescue: oh no its chill, just gay

the iconic carrock scene: roomie:....this is incredibly gay bestie me: i'm aware.

the entirety of the beorn's house arc: roomie: ...i like beorn. he's feral and skrunkly. so is radaghast.

legolas showing up: roomie: *surprised pikachu face*

tauriel and kili's interactions: roomie: damn i was hoping she would be gay me: i mean with the right headcanons she can totally be a lesbian roomie: UR SO RIGHT OMG

kili getting shot with arrow: roomie: NO THE GAYS-

the laketown master existing: roomie: EAT THE RICH.

bilbo and thorin on the boat together: roomie: oh they definitely fucked in laketown-

tauriel healing kili and them holding hands: roomie: oh no don't make me feel sad for straight ppl me: again. they don't have to be straight. roomie: I KNOW BUT ITS THE PRINCIPLE OF IT

bilbo waking up smaug: roomie: oh bilbo...oh you sweet summer child...you stupid bitch.

thorin threatening bilbo initially: roomie: oh fuck. it got worse. me, internally: oh honey. oh no.

thorin's gold sickness and then nearly killing bilbo at the ramparts: roomie: NO THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GAY AND HAPPY HOW COULD YOU

*doesn't say anything almost the entire battle until the kili and fili die* roomie: noooo the skrunklies NOOOOOOO

thorin, fucking dies in bilbo's arms: roomie: *turns to look at me with the most murderous look on her face* me: *nervous laughter* so about it getting worse- roomie: IM GOING TO KILL YOU.

end for now, if we end up watching trop together ill let yall know <3

#lotr #lotr shitpost #lotr fandom #lotr memes #lotr movies #lord of the rings #fellowship of the ring #the two towers #the return of the king #aragorn #boromir #gimli #legolas #samwise gamgee #frodo #pippin took #merry brandybuck #sam and frodo #merry and pippin #gimlas #the hobbit shitpost #the hobbit memes #the hobbit #gandalf #bilbo #thorin oakenshield #elrond #tauriel #kili #tauriel and legolas

[txttletale]

what would you say are the flaws of thirsty sword lesbians? i got it in a itch.io bundle a while ago and i've been on the fence on whether or not to run a campaign with it since

things about tsl that suck

the name. its bad. im sure it was really funny to everyone involved when they pitched it in a brainstorming session and were like 'haha what if we actually called our game thirsty sword lesbians XD' but as the name of an actual game that you have to play and talk about with real people it fucking sucks. instantly dated. sounds bad to say aloud. awful

on a related note, the game has a particular sense of humour--a certain tone and tenor that was super in vogue among, like, millenials who livetweeted steven universe in 2018. there's a move in one of the playbooks called 'i ship it!'. there's another move called 'big dyke energy'. i personally find this shit incredibly grating and insufferable, but if you think it's fun, hey, more power to you. not necessarily a con i just wanted to be a hater

okay those two complaints are just me being a hater but i do have a much more serious one which is that the game's themes are at war with each other in a way that i find bafflng. like, 'you are queer people fighting against systemic oppression' is baked into the rules, to the point of forming an inextricable component of two of the playbooks--the game is built around the idea that you're going to be Fighting Oppression in a major way. like it is very unsubtle about that and often looks directly at the camera and says 'This Is About Homophobia'. but it's also a core part of the game that you're going to be doing, like, flirtatious swordfighting, getting seduced by and seducing Hot Evil Women, longingly gazing at your homoerotic nemesis. and this is also baked into the mechanics, there are special social moves you can only do while fighting someone! so you end up with this really bizarre paradox that to take both these elements to their logical conclusion you need to create a world where all the representatives/enforcers of Homophobia/Imperialism/Capitalism are sympathetic lesbians. and it's not doing something interesting with that either, this isn't the masquerade or helicopter story--it's not highlighting this or asking you to explore this--it's just kind of stumbled into this bizarre unforced error by not thinking through what the logical result of its mechanics & tone is.

now of course it's possible to play around that last one and figure out different things to do with it. the campaign i've been running has the players within a v. broad united front against imperialism, so i've made their homoerotic rivals are ideological enemies within that united front--but the fact that we had to work around the implications of the system as written is kind of a problem with the system!

and, since i don't necessarily want to put you off running TSL, here's my list of things about tsl that are good

the playbook design is incredible. a lot of the supplement playbooks fucking suck but every single playbook in the core book is like, peak PBtA playbook design--mechanically unique, thematically fulfilling, rich with opportunities to shape the world by implication when you design your character. they do really fun and interesting narrative things with the way the playbooks are designed and i like them all a lot.

the social move setup is my favourite that i've ever seen in a game--the phrasing behind the social moves means that you can never roll to 'make' an NPC do something or 'persuade' them to your point of view, only to make them 'give in to desire'--which is obviously phrased to enable seduction as a core gameplay mechanic, but it doesn't have to be played that way! other moves allow you to ask questions and figure out what NPCs want and what motivates them--you have a mechanical basis by which you can figure out that an NPC wants friendship, or security, or power, and the 'give in to desire' phrasing means you mechanically benefit from offering them that thing to get what you want from them. it really elegantly and cleverly circumvents the 'mind control persuasion check' problem that i've always found to be a deeply & profoundly antisocial way to model interaction (as inherently zero-sum, combative, dominatory) & leads to much more emotionally satisfying stories and tense and interesting social encounters

you know those are actually kind of the only two things. but they're really, really good things!

#ask #ttrpg

[somebodytoloveslog]

Larissa Weems helping reader to deal with comphet <3

(she’s so queer I love her 😭)

"Hello, everyone! I'm thrilled to share this with you because I just ordered my first lesbian flag after a long journey dealing with compulsory heterosexuality (comphet). One thing that's been incredibly helpful for me is thinking about the wonderful headcanon that Mommy Rissa proudly identifies as a lesbian and buys LGBTQ+ items to avoid appearing straight (my favorite headcanon is that Larissa is a lesbian, yay!). So, here's my one-shot about Larissa coming out, dedicated to anyone dealing with comphet. <3 Love you all.

AND THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO VOTED IN THE LAST SURVEYYY I MADE BEFORE

For the past few months, you've been grappling with comphet, feeling pretty terrible about yourself. How can you accept that you're a LESBIAN while, at the same time, not fully embracing it? Pride month was set to begin at your workplace next week, and in the spirit of celebration and self-acceptance, your boss encouraged everyone to proudly represent their identities through their attire. But what in the world were you supposed to wear? You had lesbian merchandise you'd ordered from Amazon (which you hadn't opened yet due to your insecurity)…

The day to showcase your pride at work was tomorrow, and you had decided to do nothing out of the ordinary. Just another regular day in your usual life, right? No, not at all! You couldn't help but notice everyone putting in their best effort with their outfits, rings, mini flags, and even food ("Who are these people? They're usually so apathetic at work. I didn't expect the entire office to be so gay," you thought while making your way to your desk. To your surprise, you seemed to be the only one without anything special.

Well, except for your boss, maybe. She was your sole friend at the office since you were relatively new.

During lunchtime, you sat beside your boss, and oh, your boss – you'd fallen in love with her, but she was your friend, and more importantly, YOUR BOSS. She immediately sensed that you weren't in the best mood that day.

And then, she asked, "Honey, are you okay?" The tears welled up in your eyes quickly upon hearing her question.

"No, I'm not okay. I need to talk to someone about something that's been weighing me down," you confessed nervously, your hands becoming sweaty.

"Do you feel uncomfortable around LGBTQ+ people, y/n?" Her tone shifted suddenly, sounding both puzzled and slightly upset, but she remained kind.

"No, I'm not trying to say that. Well, yes, but what I'm trying to say is that I'm queer too. I know I'm a lesbian, but at the same time, I'm not. Do I sound stupid? Because I feel incredibly stupid right now," you stammered.

She chuckled before rolling up her sleeves to reveal the most beautiful lesbian bracelet. You tried to say something, but the words escaped you in that moment.

"Honey, you are a lesbian! It doesn't matter how much you doubt it. I know because I'm a lesbian too, and it took me a lifetime to realize it," she excitedly shared. "Let me tell you the whole story of my coming out and realizing that I'm a lesbian."

…

Initially, when Larissa was in her 30s…

Larissa had always been a lesbian, but she struggled to accept it. She was perpetually insecure about her attraction to men. If she were honest with herself, she'd always enjoyed the attention she received from men. She liked the way men admired her, and she mistakenly conflated it with genuine attraction.

One day, while working on her laptop, she stumbled upon a webpage that immediately grabbed her attention: "Do You Really Like Men?" The title was slightly humorous to her because that was a question she'd been pondering for a long time. "Hmm? I'm pretty sure I like men. I mean, I've had plenty of boyfriends in the past, even though they weren't really my type…"

Her breath caught for a moment as she finished reading the page, and she was shocked. "Then, am I a lesbian?" She looked at herself in the mirror, fighting back tears because of the silly but painfully accurate webpage she'd found a few hours ago.

Over the next few weeks, she found a new job opportunity in another country, far away from her parents, family, and friends who hadn't yet realized that she was trying to embrace a more 'lesbian' look. Perhaps they thought she was just going through a mid-30s crisis or something. She'd even cut her hair short and started dressing in more masculine clothing, but it felt absurd – she didn't feel like herself.

By the time she turned 32, she had become the boss at "Nevermy's Office," which worked closely with a company that helped private schools enhance their teaching quality and more. Her hair had grown long again, and she had returned to wearing dresses and short skirts that she adored. But there was a significant issue: all the men in the office kept trying to date her nearly every month, while no women, not even in the entire office, attempted to approach her.

The next Pride month was approaching, and she was excited to finally do something to show everyone that she wasn't into men. She purchased a small lesbian sunset flag (although she hesitated because she didn't want to be too conspicuous)…

Over the next months and years, she promised herself that she would wear something – a pin, a bracelet, a ring – to subtly signal her LGBTQ+ identity. To her surprise, most people noticed right away, and the men in the office stopped pursuing her for dates.

As Larissa shared her journey, she gently took your hand, revealing a beautiful lesbian flag bracelet of her own. She smiled warmly and looked into your eyes.

<3

#larissa weems x reader #larissa x you #larissa x reader #larissa weems fanfic #larissa weems x y/n

[nekropsii]

do u have any links to resources about the beta and alpha kids' characterizations and personalities if you have any? i am interested in writing for them and i just wanna know what makes them them iykwim

The Beta + Alpha Kids are... By no means my specialty, as everyone knows, and I personally have zero interest in writing them. That said, I'm pretty sure that most "guides" like that are written by and for writers of lighthearted, canon non-compliant roleplaying, and all the ones that I've seen... Aren't good, and are typically incredibly biased. They definitely tend to want the reader to portray the character in whatever light they see the character in, rather than... How they are in canon. For example, some lean heavily into making Dave a soft, perfect victim, Rose into a tea-drinking lesbian, Jake into a lowkey villain, et cetera.

This is about to get pretty long. It's been a while since I've had to put something under a Read-More... But here we are. Let's get going.

Content Warning: Long, Whole Lot of Rambling about the Technical Aspects of Writing.

There tends to be interjection of headcanons, unnecessary opinions, and ham-fisted attempts to make characters look better or worse than they actually are. Context is missing, sources are missing, so on. Oftentimes when looking at guides to writing characters, I wind up just questioning what comic the writer read, because it doesn't feel as if we read the same one. Their writing and critical thinking skills are often called into question as well, given the way these guides tend to approach characters as a concept.

There's often a distinct failure in being actually analytical or observant, and they tend to view characters more as People than they do... Well, Characters. Which may sound like an odd distinction to make, until you realize that when you're writing a character, you need to understand what role they're fulfilling in a narrative before you focus on who they are as a person and judging their morals. Characters aren't anything more than narrative devices. They're strictly there to drive the plot forward. Yes, since characters tend to be people, of which are often in situations, you tend to judge their morality, ethics, the way they handle their circumstances and other people with average human judgment... But at the end of the day, moral arguments and personhood matter less than what they are meant to do, what they're supposed to represent, and how they're supposed to drive the plot forward. To focus on who and how they are as People- how righteous they are, how much their morals align with yours or those of the real world- is to focus on Form over Function.

Characters are Tools. A tool can be painful to use, or painful to watch in action, but it's still a tool. Sometimes pliers are for pulling teeth, and sometimes they're for twisting wire. You can't effectively pull teeth with a wrench, and you can't effectively hammer a nail with a screwdriver. You could, theoretically, and I'd love to watch someone try, but it's not recommended. It's ineffective. You need to know what a tool is for, how you could use it, and maybe even how you could make your usage of them surprising. A hammer is typically used for driving nails into place. Usually with the head. This doesn't mean you can't drive the nail in with its side, and it doesn't mean you can't use it to break fingers.

What this "Form over Function of a Tool" means in practice is... A lot of "guides" to writing Dave will go over the fact that he is the Ironic Cool Kid who has suffered a lot of Abuse at the hands of Bro Strider, and interject that headcanon of his character arc "being about overcoming Internalized Homophobia and/or Toxic Masculinity" (neither of these are true), but fail to mention that he is essentially a Tutorial Agent, and how his whole character hinges on how he absolutely does not want to be a Main Character. Everything he does is grounded in the fact that he's a Tutorial Agent, and therefore an NPC. He's a regular kid with a rough home life, and wants nothing more than to keep playing his role as just a random NPC. He doesn't want to be a Main Character. He doesn't want to fight, he doesn't want to be in an epic, he just wants to be Some Guy. He wants to be normal, and he wants to be able to be forgotten to the sands of time.

They focus so much on Who he is as a Person that they tend to fail to recognize What he is as a Character. It's not effective. You don't really need to worry about who they are as people. You don't need to focus on the paint job on a tool. You need to know what that tool is, and what it's being used for.

It's best to not consult guides written by other fans. It'd be best if you read through their dialogue yourself, and really dissected them and how they function... Find out what makes them tick.

Luckily, there's a blog out there that does have just about every line of dialogue in Homestuck sorted by character, so that's pretty good for ease of access. Good for you and good for me. I use it all of the time. Here you go.

#homestuck #homestuck analysis #homestuck meta #beta kids #alpha kids #dave strider #rose lalonde #jake english #writing advice #dave.pdf #homestuck.pdf #nekro.pdf #nekro.sms

[blushedfemme]

hi :) so i’m a 25yo femme lesbian and i’ve never had sex (has to do with growing up closeted in a strict over controlling environment) im only just now starting to have more independence and control over my life and i want to have sex. and i dont want to wait until i find something serious with someone cuz that could take a while and also i want to have experience for when i actually have a serious relationship with someone so i can be a good lover for them. tho i admit i do find it a bit scary i’m considering downloading dating apps to find people to have casual sex with next time i’m out of town. but i don’t really know how to go about it… i feel like no one is gonna want to fuck me because i don’t have any experience like how weird would it be if i’m in someone’s dms like hey i’m a 25yo virgin are u still dtf? lol .. so yeah if u have any thoughts or advice or if people reading this have advice please let me know cuz i’m a little nervous but i really want to do this..

hi lovely 💕 it sounds like you’ve had a very tough go of it and i’m so glad to hear you’re now able to have independence and control over your own life, that’s incredible ☺️

first, there is nothing weird about being a virgin at any age and no one who’s worth your time will fault you for it. i would happily have sex with someone who has no experience and there are a lot of people out there who feel the same!

i gently urge you to let go of the idea that you need to have a certain amount of real-life sexual experience before you start dating for a relationship. being a good lover is simply about communication, trust and curiosity about the other person. i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again: anytime someone is with a new partner, no matter how much sex they’ve had, they’re inexperienced because that particular person’s body and pleasure is brand-new to them. we are all “virgins” the first time we have sex with someone new. your future partners will be learning you at the same time that you’re learning them, and it’s beautiful and messy and real and very sexy, trust me.

in my opinion, all the experience you really need can be acquired on your own, by reading about sex (erotica, sex education, sexual health sources, etc.), watching porn that you enjoy, and by fantasizing and exploring your body by yourself. masturbation absolutely teaches you so much and is a valid form of experience. especially if you’re coming from a background of sexual repression and being closeted (i can super relate) just getting yourself comfortable with your sexuality and being horny is a whole process. but doing that will help you have better, safer and more grounded sex.

all that being said, casual sex can be great and fun and there’s nothing wrong with pursuing that, too!! a few thoughts under the readmore bc this is getting long:

always have an open convo about STIs and any other health considerations beforehand. if it feels like you can’t have that convo for whatever reason then you probably shouldn’t have sex with that person. i am guilty of being reckless with this and although i’ve been lucky so far it’s not worth the anxiety lol

be prepared to speak up!! you have to be honest about what feels good and what doesn’t, or you’re probably not going to enjoy it. people can’t read minds. it’s hard to speak up with someone you don’t know very well. our ‘niceness’ programming kicks in. you have to override it.

be very clear-eyed about expectations going in. if you’re just looking for fun, and the other person is trying to date you, that can lead to messiness and hurt. it needs to be casual for both parties.

standard safety practices apply: tell a friend where you’re going, agree on a time to check in and a protocol for if shit goes awry. trust your gut. if something doesn’t feel right, leave.

sex is a huge endorphin high, and that usually means there’ll be a crash afterward. the next day you might feel like shit and regret everything, even if in the moment you were super into it and having fun. this is normal, it’s chemicals in your brain and not a reflection on what actually happened. (unless this feeling persists or you feel icky abt something specific that went down, then talk to a trusted friend or a mental health professional if you can.) if you have a good line of communication with the person you hooked up with, just reaching out and saying “hey, i had fun the other night, i really liked it when you did _____” and letting them give you some reassurance in return can go a long way to soothe the hook-up hangover

i hope some of this helps 💗 and no matter what, going at your own pace and taking your sweet time will always feel better in the end, even though it can be tempting to rush and “make up for lost time” (speaking from experience as a late bloomer myself.) wishing you luck + lots of safe and amazing sex!! 😉

#clarke answers #ask a femme #long post