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mywitchcultblr · 1 year

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NSFW and the importance of AO3

My biggest concern if Twitter really die is nsfw artist and sex workers. Us NSFW artist has been betrayed time and time again by many platform who used to welcome us then spit us out once the platform is big enough or to bow down to advertisers.

TikTok censorship is beyond ridiculous

Pinterest wouldn't even allow topless art of a woman

Instagram too not that friendly to nsfw artist

Tumblr banned porn post 2018 and wouldn't hesitate to delete your blog

I'm not sure about pillowfort i heard it's allow nsfw but not as free as twitter? Correct me if I'm wrong tho i never use it

Facebook? Nah i wouldn't even bother.

There's Pixiv but it's not accessible for all people

Mastodon is still new and frankly many said that it has a steep learning curve

DeviantArt turned it's back both to both nsfw and sfw artist with their censorship (literally i see more and more artist who have to censor tits, cock, asshole and even pussy) and also their bullshit piece of shit AI generation + stealing from artist for their generator

Sites like Rule 34 and Hentai site are there but they are not really platform to grow your audience as an artist + too many art thief

Patreon I heard implementing more censorship? It's not social media but many artist using it

Poipiku is a Japanese platform and not all people are native Japan speaker

The fucking dystopian corporations like apple and Google ( and purity culture both in fandom and non fandom) keep sanitizing the internet and wiped out nsfw content for profit (it's not for protecting children or blah blah blah it's all for ads) kicking out all nsfw content creators from all platform they touch, forcing us to wander with no home to express ourselves. NSFW artist still have some wiggle room to thrive but I think sex workers have it harder to thrive on a more mainstream platform...

I know there's many sites for sex workers like for camgirl or whatever but mainstream sites that once more accepting of nsfw has been kicking down sex workers down to the curb again and again and again

If Twitter let's say goes down suddenly or gradually goes down and maybe banning nsfw... Artist will lost the last mainstream global platform that allow them to grow an audience as an nsfw artist

This for fandom nsfw artist who are not using site like poipiku and pixiv it left us with only AO3 to store our art

Yes you can post art to AO3 just tag it as art, literally it is the best safe haven for writing + art with it's mission to protect people creation, they even have lawyer and stuff to protect your rights + AO3 is super nsfw friendly literally you can upload anything that is legal within the USA law (that's a lot of things, thank God it's not based on my country Indonesia law or you wouldn't even see gay people kissing)

But AO3 is primarily used for fanfic + it's not a social media and shouldn't ever be a social media, it is an archive to preserve fanwork. It is fanwork library of Alexandria. The downside because it's not a social media and thus doesn't have features like chatting, algorithm and stuff is that it's harder for you to grow like in other social media. Let's say Twitter really gone if i want to post a series of comic/manga

Then i have to post the sfw/censored pages to Tumblr + post the nsfw page to AO3 it'll be a hassle for both me and my readers but it's possible

Still such a hassle and it'll be easier to just post to Twitter or when Tumblr still allowed nsfw

Also original artist will find it harder to gain audience faster on Tumblr and AO3 because both website are primarily for fandom. Like i can draw a sketch of let's say Anakin Skywalker and it'll get more traction than a fully rendered piece of original artwork

I mean it's possible but if you want to get traction easily as an original artist your art have to be godlike to be noticed amongst seas of fanart that the general public sees as more favorable... I mean you can try to build audience with doing fanwork and once you got big you can post more OG art

Still... It's easier to grow as an original artist on Twitter than on Tumblr or other platform...

Look yeah it's fun to see Twitter on fire but if it's really gone it'll be a disaster for nsfw creators/artist especially those who are making money from it to keep the roof above their head. I hope Twitter doesn't die tbh (I only made acc to see nsfw art, if Tumblr didn't ban porn i wouldn't even bother to use it or too many social media) also this situation brought back the reminder of AO3 importance as the safest and biggest archive especially for nsfw writers and fan artist that keep losing places to post their work, express themselves and earn a living

#ao3 #essay #discourse #fanwork #fanfic #fanart #twitter #capitalism #puritanism #pro ao3 #ao3 discourse #social media #writing #censorship #artist

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mushroom-punk · 1 year

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the renfield movie review.

After getting rained on, having our first movie theater’s projector break, and having to drive to a different theater, I have finally watched Renfield (2023). ...and it was...fine? The movie’s overall tone is campy and fun, and it never takes itself seriously. It’s writing is horrible, god its so bad - the characters say exactly what they’re thinking at all times, and no emotional arc feels earned or fought for, there are no stakes (haha). But due to how silly the film is, this never makes it hard to watch. Nicholas Hoult truly shines in this movie and makes each scene with him engaging and fun. But god the writing. More thoughts bellow!

I think this movie’s biggest flex is its art direction, with over the top set pieces that create this nasty atmosphere that hangs over the whole film. Its like a grimy combination of The Lost Boys and The Phantom of the Opera. This is all complimented by the score. Without spoiling anything, there’s a moment where Dracula is monologuing and a sinister, orchestral rendition of Swan Lake plays, another reference to the 1931 movie it’s so heavily based off of. Although, it does get points of for the worst use of “na na na na” by MCR I’ve ever seen. It’s second best quality is certainly Nicholas Hoult, who took the shitty script he was given and really made something good with it. There’s a moment when Awkwafina’s character is on the phone, telling another character how fucked up Renfield is - who is sitting in the background cutely drinking some tea. Another detail I really appreciated about Hoult’s performance was the unexpected intensity with which he delivered some lines. On top of keeping Dwight Frye’s iconic laugh, it’s clear Hoult cares deeply for the source material and, if the script was better, I think he could have done a compelling book-accurate Renfield. NICHOLAS CAGE ITS NICK CAGE BABY HE WAS AWESOME ITS NICHOLAS CAGE! His portrayal of Dracula is fun and nasty as hell and might have fucked Ben Schwartz’s mom? The down side to having a movie that uses stylized hyper violence is that any threats of violence Dracula makes don’t really stick. Oh you’re gonna be violent? This is the violence movie! This isn’t an effective threat, you’re not scary! Contrasting this, the few moments where Dracula is simply talking to Renfield, acting like a real-world abuser and not the cartoon villain he is for most of the movie, are eerie and off-putting. Awkwafina’s there. Onto the bad. This film has no stakes, there are few things Renfield can’t slice apart or Awkwafina’s character can’t shoot, and due to the stated hyperviolence, Dracula never feels like a real threat to anyone except the main cast. The characters state what they feel, they experience something, and then state that they feel different in detail. I’ve mentioned that it’s extremely frustrating that 2023′s Renfield is not written with psychosis in mind, and how this is made worse by its use of pop-psychology terms and the labeling of Dracula as a narcissist - a real condition that doesn’t make the people who have it inherently bad or abusive. This is still true, in fact the frequent references to the 1931 film, while well done, simply reminded me of what Hoult’s performance could have been. The poor writing is this film’s largest downfall, it betrays the heart Hoult brings to his role and its art department. ....however, none of the pop-psychology ever seems to really...do anything effective? Yes, Renfield literally calls Dracula a narcissist and they never really discredit it, but its also shown that calling him all these things and using snappy language doesn’t actually do anything. What does help Renfield the most is finding community and bonding with other people who have experienced abuse. What helps him is talking to people about it and realizing he isn’t alone, which I think is a pretty decent take. I’m going to watch it again when it’s uploaded to my pirating site of choice, but overall it felt more like a criticism of pop-psychology, rather than a celebration of it. Oh and also that the most effective thing you can do to get out of an abusive relationship is to beat the shit out of your abuser with your best friend. 6.5/10.

#renfield #dracula #vamp posting #nicholas hoult #im so tired

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olderthannetfic · 2 years

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I probably won’t ever pick up a HP book again but i will never stop revisiting the fandom. I was scrolling a writer’s bookmarks for recs recently and spotted an author from HP fandom back in the day who wrote something for my current fandom and oh god. I went back and BINGED her hp fics.

Something doesn’t need to BE high art to enjoy the fandom side. Half of my fandoms have pretty shitty base works which is why i enjoy the fanworks exploring the potential so much. Other times I’ve enjoyed the base work until something in fandom broke my perspective and it’s fanon>canon from then on. And some fandoms I haven’t even read the base work, just enjoyed an author’s work on lj/ffn/ao3 and ended up down a rabbit hole of their other fandoms. Feels like starting the third book in a long series but i eventually build context thru the fics/fandom wikis when im confused.

Any money i was gonna send to jkr’s pockets has already been spent when my mom bought the series while i was in elementary/middle school. Now I’m just here for the creativity of the fandom. She doesn’t make money through that and I refuse to feel like a bad person for enjoying fan content based on her works. It doesnt make me transphobic to still enjoy the fandom. Considering it was one of the largest fandoms on general-fandom-archiving sites and had close to 2 dozen independent archives I’d say it’s a fandom worth going back to. That much selection and differing options for ships will always bring people back.

That said, I would sell my soul on the black market for a copy of Maya’s Complete Works. I lost my copy years ago when my computer was compromised and was too stupid to back it up at the time. Maya MADE fanon!Draco who he is to this day and i really miss the original Draco who enchants his appliances to talk to him and loves marmalade and is generally a mess but a mess with a heart of gold that authorities have tried to lead astray. If anyone reading this has a copy they could upload or knows where i could download one… please ;_;

I thought Maya was delightful as a person when I met her one time on a trip, but I did not like her fic. I met her a second time when she was in NYC for the summer and we got Mai Tais in honor of whatever other godawfully fanony fic popularized those among H/D fangirls. Memories!

Maya was very clear that she didn't want her stuff shared around publicly. If you want a copy—and I'm positive that somebody has one—you need to provide contact info.

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ollyou · 11 months

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The people on artfight are so nice it honestly confuses me sometimes (but like, in a good way?)

(Warning that some of this might be a little sad/pitiful/negative! But the main idea of it is positive!)

AF users will be like “I love your designs so much!!!!!” or “Your art style is so cool!” and it’s like… oh my god… thank you so much…?!?!? I haven’t been familiar with being complimented ever since I had switched to Instagram/Twitter from Scratch (yes, the programming site) and it’s something I’ve always wanted so it’s INCREDIBLY euphoria-inducing when people even bother to compliment anything about me in the first place.

Not to mention when I first made my tumblr account, I was almost instantly hit with strange anons stalking me and insulting me for no good reason. It didn’t get me down, but it got me really pushing myself to improve, not just because of the anons, but because I agreed with some of the things they said (the main thing being that my designs are basic/plain— I have always thought this and expressed this for years). Seeing someone else say what I was thinking motivated me to improve.

But being on Artfight again, uploading my same designs as always after fearing I wouldn’t have enough time to come up with a proper unique design, I was instead hit with all those compliments I mentioned at the start. People told me they loved my design: mainly talking about my Olly humanization here! I’ve gotten so many people who adore him and my other designs and actually… want to draw him?! I’ve seen some super talented artists I followed on there straight up tell me they’ve bookmarked one or more of my characters, and it’s been completely insane to me. I’ve spent so much time constantly humbling myself if not straight up putting myself down, that I never thought people on or above my level in art could ACTUALLY enjoy my character designs without any prodding for them to do so.

And it feels really, really great to be appreciated like that.

So I’m super grateful Artfight exists. It’s not just about “free” art, but bringing others up, being kind, and being free to express yourself in a wholesome and friendly environment. I hope I’ll enjoy the event itself as much as I’ve enjoyed the month leading up to it. <3

#rambling #artfight #also the people in the discord are so silly and i love it #people respond to one another and we all have a shared interest in OCs and art #plus theres little to no venting or personal stuff in there. It’s GREAT for a discord server

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tickle-her-senseless · 2 years

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Reblogging vs reposting - a rant…

I wonder how long it’ll be before a certain someone decides to save and re-upload my latest bunch of gifs 😒 All I seem to see around here these days are re-uploads of my old gifs by the same person, usually with hundreds of notes on them. When their blog initially appeared, the majority of the owner’s posts were just copypasta of my gifs from the previous few years - not reblogs, to be clear. Giving her the benefit of the doubt (she was new and pretty young), I sent her a friendly message:

As you can see, her response was to block me with no reply - but it hasn’t stopped her from continuing to rip my gifs off, going way back to the days when I was still learning and didn’t know how to make them without a big “makeagif.com” watermark at the bottom right 🙄 I guess she either sees them in reblogs (which is how I see her posts everywhere) and saves them, or she views my blog in a browser window without signing in. I just had a look at hers using the same trick, and there are asks saying things like “where did you find that video? I’ve been looking for that for years” and she replies along the lines of “oh, it’s not available on the site where I found it anymore”. I doubt she’s ever even seen most of the videos I used to make the gifs. They were just lifted from my blog.

“But Swift, why get so precious about it? Aren’t you stealing from the original videos when you make gifs anyway?”

One or two people have asked me similar things over the last several years. My take on gifs can be broken down into 5 parts…

1. They’re ubiquitous on the Internet and seem to get a free pass as low-quality glimpses lasting a couple of seconds with no audio. Major entertainment studios tend to enforce copyright restrictions with an iron fist, but you never see them going after gifs. Official accounts can be seen posting humorous gifs that others have made of their films, shows, music videos etc etc. They’re just part of Internet culture at this point. I’ve seen gifs others have made of me tickling my friends out there online … I’ve even seen a couple of me being tickled, God help me 😱

2. I believe that enough work goes into making a gif for it to qualify as transformative content. Most of it is actually the time spent watching a video like a hawk (usually with the sound off for context) and waiting for a brief spike of beauty or intensity or excitement. Then I’ll replay it a few times, screen record it, crop out any black bars, trim it (sometimes trying to make it loop as smoothly as possible), convert it to a gif while adjusting the size, FPS, format etc, optimise it to get the file size down and finally post it with a caption. All of this was learned through trial and error … which is plain to see in my earliest posts 😅 If reaction videos fall under transformative content from which some people make a fortune, my little non-profit tickle gifs are OK by me.

3. As a hard rule, I never make gifs from videos that aren’t already available to view somewhere online. A lot of them are actually from preview clips posted by the studios themselves, since they put all of the best moments in there anyway! I’ve been known to pay for tickle videos, but I never use them as gif material.

4. I spend a fair bit of time telling people where gifs are from when they ask eg. “Oh, it’s from a free preview of this video by this studio, full version available on Clips4Sale here.” I reckon I’ve actually directed a lot of traffic towards creators by this point.

5. I’m just continuing a convention that pre-dates my involvement on Tumblr and will probably carry on for a long time. When I arrived here, I was more interested in well-drawn art, well-written stories and community meet-up/session videos which warmed my icy heart and really made me want to be a part of things here. To my surprise, the engagement on gif posts dwarfed every other type of content, even videos. Ironically, I don’t actually get much pleasure from them myself, I find them empty without the audio. I always want to hear how much the lee is suffering, sue me 😁 Still, I figured that learning how to make gifs would be the most effective way to integrate myself here - and I was right, it was 😉 I do think it’s crazy, though, that a gif of mine could get hundreds of notes in 24 hours when I was posting regularly, but talented artists and writers struggle to get a few dozen in total. They’re the real content creators.

Anyway, yeah, there you go. It’s also true that content takes on a life of its own to some extent once you upload it. I see a bunch of my stuff on Twitter, Instagram, TikTok … people regularly upload it to Discord servers that I’m in (or even help to moderate) and I just smile to myself and don’t say anything. Posting a gif on a different platform is one thing, but I do think that posting literally dozens of them on the exact same platform is shady as hell when the reblog button exists. Especially when I reached out amicably and was blocked with no response.

It’s been one of the factors behind my activity dropping off so much in the past year - motivation to make gifs is hard to find when you know that someone’s waiting to help themselves to anything you throw out there. The only reason I haven’t named this person is that she’s on the young side, although not a minor (as you can see, my original message to her was sent over a year ago and I never said anything in public to spare her any flaming that might ensue) but I have to admit, it’s beginning to grate on me - especially when I see people tagging her blog as the source when they incorporate the gifs into their own posts…

#tickle community #tickling #tickle gifs #reblog don’t repost #losing the will

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opinated-user · 2 years

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Sankaku anon here: Since Google keeps deleting two of the images I uploaded, I've decided I'm going to take the screenshots I have of the Ebaratara account's favorite pics/videos, put some things in the search bar until I find them, put those into a folder and upload it. Maybe an in-depth look at what Lily is into will help make people realize how bad it is, and even if Google refuses to upload a few images, it can't glitch out and fail to upload everything.

While doing this I found out she had favorited several pieces of art by artist dongatuno. dongatuno previous served a prison sentence for aggravated assault after beating his wife with a lead pipe until he broke four of her ribs, fractured her shoulder, broke her right arm in two places and threw her outside afterwards.

I really hope "Ebaratara" didn't realize this artist had done that in the past. I would hope that no sane, rational person would knowingly favorite and thus boost in the algorithm art done by someone who did something that heinous.

(The bright side is I can't find the piece done by the artist caught with IRL CSEM he used for references, so it seems to have been removed from the site. Thank God.)

thank goodness for at least one good news. i also hope that LO just favourited pictures without thinking about the history behind or the artists that made it. although it would have been ideal that she was never there on the first place.

#lily orchard

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catthu · 8 months

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Random Childhood Memory

Sometimes some random event or reference just triggers long forgotten pathways in my brain, and I am reminded of things I hadn't thought about for at least 15 years now.

In high school, I was very into this MMORPG called Priston Tale and spent a lot of time on the Vietnamese server. I didn't realize this at the time, but the social scene, social order, and social games of such a microcosm was so fascinating. I played an archer and created a clan for archers called [A]vengers with my other archer friends. I also joined a Vietnamese community full of people who were into digital painting ("CG", as we called it at the time) and started practicing to create fanart of the game. I created a deviant art account that didn't get any art until much later -- all my initial work was uploaded on this other Vietnamese art website whose name and url I can't remember. And if I can, it probably doesn't exist anymore anyway!

But I did make some friends on the site, and even met up with them in person! I admired a particular archer and artist on the site who went by the pseudonym flute, the first time I saw his oil painting of his girlfriend (titled "She"). I don't remember how, but we became friends and spent a lot of time chatting on Yahoo Messenger.

Another archer friend flute I had was called Akari. Years later, when I wanted a book to study for my Physics SAT 2 (back before the days of Amazon), Akari found the book in Hanoi and sent it to me as a gift.

Flute, Akari and I, along with another person who I cannot remember at the moment, started a project together. We wanted to create a wiki of mythologies related to the game -- god, goddesses, prophecies, clergy, legends, and so on. We never got anywhere with the project, but flute painted a very cool artwork of the team represented as four elementals. Flute was earth, Akari was air, the person I can't remember was fire, and I (the only girl in the group) was water.

I've forgotten a lot of things, but strangely, I can still picture this artwork really well in my head. A swirling dark blue / black landscape in the background, with the four elementals centered and taking up most of the screen. At the bottom was flute, a brown earth elemental half-burrowed, pushing up from the ground glowing in lava. Left was Akari, a wispy air elemental with the most angular face, just like his real face, and an all-knownig smirk. Top was the fire elmental, whose details I can't remember much, just like the person he represented. Right was me, an all-blue water elemental (Avatar color, but transluscent) with a mermaid tail, sleek back long hair and a head too big for her body.

I spent some time looking for this painting or other references related to these people on the web, but unfortunately most of it has disappeared. Ah, I'd have loved to be able to see that painting again. But it's strange to think how I haven't thought of it in 15 years, and all of the sudden it's all I could think about for a couple of hours.

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dreamhot · 2 years

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Signed up for wattpad in 2014 flash forward to last year and their data breach put my email on the dark web and someone tried to scam me lol

oh we love ourselves a good data breach ... i've found my old passwords on sites that track that sort of shit but luckily i've never gotten into any sort of trouble (save for my first neopets account getting shut down but that was my own dumbass fault for falling for a scammer loool)

gonna answer the other fanfic asks under a cut

Anonymous asked: I remember reading Hermione x Ron fanfics on deviant art when I was like 12 :/ also used to read Percy Jackson fics on Wattpad but we don’t talk about that 🤡

re: the last point - you and dream both, pal

Anonymous asked: its kinda funny for me to think about, i got into fanfic by reading mcyter fics (shout out team crafted). they were reader insert and not shipping but i really have come full circle

when i was into rtah, there was def some fic centred around let's play minecraft, but . i was reading the shipping stuff Oops

Anonymous asked: my first fanfiction experience was in 2014? In YOUTUBE. there were channels that made videos reading fanfictions they've got god knows where and if they were multichapter they would usually upload twice a week or something. Now that I think about it it was weird af cause istg the voices reading couldn't have had more than 15/16 years old and they read some filthy stuff sometimes. I can't even imagine reading shut outloud, let alone RECORD MYSELF DOING IT

yeah like i was def too young to be writing some of the fic i did at like, 16/7, but . that was also an era in which people weren't really disclosing their ages anyway lol BUT PUTTING YOUR VOICE TO IT ...? that's a level of bravery i can't even fathom

Anonymous asked: possibly my first fanfiction experience that i can remember was discovering that the avatar the last airbender wiki had a closely linked sister wiki for fanfic content and i dived into that. it must have been like… 2010/11? I knew about ffnet around the same time thanks to my brother but i’m not sure which actually was in my life first. anyway shoutout to avatar fanon wiki

fanon wikis are so fascinating like either they're enormously helpful and point out a lot of cool content Or they're just ill-kept messes of drama. always seems to be one or the other lmao

Anonymous asked: if we're sharing our fanfic experiences, i will say i used fanfic.net, ao3, wattpad, devientart, and quotev, and fanfiction.net has a special place in my heart. its where ot3s, brotps, lemons, using hate comments as fuel to bake cookies, disclaimers about not owning characters, a/n: breaks in the middle of the story, and songfics with the lyrics taking up half the word count really thrived. times were simpler back then

STOPPP NOT THE A/N BREAKS ... you'd be reading a fic and then it suddenly breaks into a fuckin roleplay dialogue between the author and the characters like WHAT'S GOING ON HERE !! i remember when ff.net purged all the songfic etc and how fucking mad ppl were cos they literally just . deleted shit without warning. they were truly merciless back then

Anonymous asked: my experience with fic platforms is kinda weird because i'm definitely in the "too young to have used ffn regularly" demographic but because english is not my first language and my first fandom was full of people who in general were 10+ years older than me (because after my brother taught me how to pirate stuff i ended up getting into 90s anime), the first fic i ever encountered was in ffn and wattpad became popular and easily accessible to me not long after, so for a while those were my two sites until i became fluent enough in english to engage fandom and moved from there to ao3 without struggling with the lack of content in a language i could read. it's funny because whenever older people talk about the youth (tm) not knowing how things were before ao3 it makes me feel old lmao

that's interesting tho :0 see, the thing is that wattpad and ff.net are still in USE, so it's completely possible that ppl were (or are?) using them while others used ao3 - though it blows my mind why anyone would CHOOSE to use ff.net in the year of our lord 2022

#smile.ask #beedreamss #anon #long post #<- under tha cut

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blaithnne · 3 years

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3, 7, 8, 10, 12, 19?

7) Show us at least one picture you drew or sketched recently that you didn’t put on a public site

I have quite few things I haven’t posted, but most of them contain spoilers for things I’m working on, or I have pre existing plans to upload, or, I just hate them they’ll never see the light of day

So take this little doodle of my birbsona

As well as some Duckworth sketches from an AU I’m working on

8) What’s your favourite piece you’ve ever done

Oh god, that ones hard. My current favourite piece I can’t post right now because Lauren Spoilers, so here are my top three close seconds -

O don’t know why, but I just love this piece lmao.it’s been my discord profile picture for ages, I love how the flash turned out and the lighting, and the eyes. I just really like idk what to tell you JDCNJDC

I fucking love this one I won’t lie to you, I love the painterly style, I love how the hair turned out, I love the lighting, I just love everything about it honestly, I wish I could replicate something like this again

This one I’m proud of because of how closely it resembles the Hilda style, and because I’m happy with how I humanised Winnie lol. The hands were hard for me to get right, I always struggle with them, like one of the reasons I hate Lauren’s reference sheet is because I just gave up on the hands lol, they don’t match the shows style at all. But this one I think I got them just about right

10) What do you like most about your art?

Uh...I...I don’t know JBDJCBS

As much as I stand by “no art is really bad” I’m hyper critical of my own art so I kinda struggle to find things I like about it lol. But, I guess, I like the colours I use and the way I do lighting sometimes, and I’m starting to enjoy my overall style a lot more

19) what medium/program do you use the most in your art?

I’m a digital artist! I use my iPad and Apple Pencil to draw, and I use pro create mostly. It’s just so good as it’s hyped up to be, honestly, it’s packed with so many features you don’t notice initially and it’s just 👌👌👌

I occasionally use ibis paint, and before I got my iPad I used Krita and an x-pen drawing tablet. But my laptop is really slow so it didn’t work very well, so I haven’t used it since like, December when I got my iPad djdbfjsfbdjfb

#ask #art #art meme #ask meme #my art #digital art #fanart #doodle #hilda #drawing #hilda the series #Lauren oc #Hilda lauren #Lauren hilda #oc #my oc #ducktales #duck sona #Duckworth

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songtoyou · 3 years

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Epiphany - Part Four

Paring: Luke Crain x Female Reader

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 3,080

Warnings: Talks of drug use and recovery. Swearing and self-doubt.

Description: Life has never been easy for Luke Crain. After the death of Nell, Luke realizes that he needs to make some changes. He decided to stay in Massachusetts and attend rehab. He was determined to remain on his path of sobriety. When you get assigned to be Luke’s sponsor, it opens a new door of possibilities that neither you nor Luke expected.

A/N: I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write and upload this chapter. I have not been feeling so good since I posted that last chapter. Lots of anxiety keeping me from doing things such as write. Anyway, here is the new chapter. I wanted to write about Aunt Janet. I felt that the show didn’t really tell us much about her except that she took care of the kids after the events of Hill House in 1992.

Note: Italics represent the past or past conversations.

Feedback is wonderful. It is nice knowing if people are actually liking this fic.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Tag list: @morningstar09

~Aunt Janet’s House – 2002 ~

“Luke! Hurry up, or you’re going to be late for school!” Aunt Janet yelled up the stairs.

“Luke! Come on!” exclaimed Nellie. “I’ll go check on him.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” said Janet. Her youngest nephew often worried her, especially since it was the tenth anniversary of Olivia’s death this past summer. Janet started to notice that Luke became more recluse and stayed up in his room. The only person Luke would interact with was Nell, which was not surprising to Janet. The twins only managed to become closer as they got older.

What really began to cause Janet to worry was catching Luke steal money from her purse. She asked him what he was doing and why he was stealing. However, Luke could come up with a pretty decent lie about needing money to buy flowers for Olivia’s grave.

In truth, it was to buy beer. Luke had taken a liking to the barley and hops beverage. It helped him feel numb and not worry about anything. Unfortunately, Luke had one too many beers last night and was paying for it. Nellie found him headfirst in the toilet regurgitating the contents of his late-night beer binge.

“Eww, gross. What is wrong with you?” asked Nellie. She pinched her nose as the stench of Luke’s puke was overwhelming.

“What does it look like! I’m sick! Tell Aunt Janet that I can’t go to school.”

“Luke, come on. You have missed too many days already. They’re going to hold you back another year if you miss any more school,” Nellie argued while searching through Luke’s drawers and closet for clothes.

Luke managed to get up from the bathroom floor when he felt it was safe. He rinsed out his mouth to relieve it from the after taste of throw-up.

“Come on! Get cleaned up and put these on,” ordered Nell and shoved Luke’s clothes in his arms.

Luke groaned and plopped down on his bed. “Nellie…I can’t go to school today. I’m too sick.”

“Well, your sickness is also making me sick, but I managed to get up and ready for school today. Now move it! I’ll keep bugging you if you don’t move. I’m not going to let you fall to the waste side. Do you hear me, Luke?”

“Fine! I’m getting dressed!” Luke yelled to get Nellie off of his back.

No matter what occurred between them, neither twin could ever hate the other. They were each other’s best friends and closest confidante. They had to be. Especially now that they were the last two left in Aunt Janet’s care. As soon as their eldest siblings turned eighteen, they hightailed it out of Janet’s house for college.

Luke slowly trudges down the stairs with his backpack slumped on his shoulders.

“Hey, there he is,” greeted Aunt Janet. “Would you like some breakfast, sweetie?”

“No! No breakfast,” Luke replied with his head on the table.

However, Nellie pushed a plate of dry toast in front of him and told him to at least nibble some bites. “Here’s some orange juice. Take slow sips. The last thing we need is you spewing junks in the toilet again,” whispered Nellie while Aunt Janet was in the kitchen. She would not out that her brother was hungover. That last thing Nell wanted was to cause any more trouble for Luke.

She knew why Luke did not want to go to school, and it had to do with, what else, their family. Some of the kids at school saw Luke as an easy target to bully and terrorize. The topic of their “messed-up” family was their go-to whenever they wanted to antagonize Luke. Nell often found herself a target for bullies but could stand up for herself a lot better than Luke.

With the anniversary of Olivia’s death, the bullies made it their mission to torment Luke about growing up without a mother or father. They would push him against the lockers, knocking his glasses off his face, and trip him in the hallways. It was too much to handle, and Luke was tired.

Leaning back in his chair, Luke re-read the words on the computer screen. His instructor loved the essay he turned in and advised him to expand upon it. Luke pushed aside his reservations about exploring his past traumas through writing. It was a better outlet for Luke to help cope and tackle past stressful life experiences. Not only did Luke have support from his instructor and you, but his counselor at Banyan Treatment Center, Rob, also supported the idea of using expressive writing as a way to heal.

Luke could not deny that writing helped clear his head. Something he learned while being in rehab back in Los Angeles. It allowed him to face things from his past that he had pushed aside. However, Luke had some reservations about how much he should…open himself up when it comes to sorting out his past events. There were still things that Luke was not quite ready to face.

Oh my God!" exclaimed Luke. "It has been a month and a half since we have seen that movie. It would be best if you got over the ending. It happened. There is nothing you can do about it."

"I can't, Luke. It was total bullshit!" you yelled back furiously.

Luke calmly said your name to get your attention. "Listen to me; we don't even know if Steve Rogers actually stayed back in time to be with Peggy. He may have…"

"Then where did he go? Huh? He just up and left his friends who he just got back. Steve and Peggy never even dated! They kissed, that is it. Yes, there was an attraction that each had for one another, but that was all it ever way…an attraction. They are a 'what could have been' type of couple—the movie completely throughout all of Steve's character development…right out the window. Whatever, I'm over it," you stated, throwing your hands up in defeat.

You and Luke were driving to his Aunt Janet's house for a visit. He mentioned to you about wanting to visit his aunt for some time but had not gotten around to it. You were surprised that he asked you to come along.

Luke mentioned that Shirley and Theo were too busy to come with him and did not want to go alone. You agreed on the condition that he drive since Aunt Janet lived an hour and a half away from Wilmington. Lately, your anxiety has been going up and down, so you were not comfortable being at the hands of the wheel, especially on the freeway. You did not understand why you had such anxiety these past few days. You chalked it up to being nervous about your final project at school. The assignment was to create a self-portrait. It should be simple enough, but of course, the art instructor wanted students to "think outside of the box" and not have it be a regular standard portrait of themselves.

Each draft you came up with was of you in some state of turmoil, whether it be you depicted on a gurney getting resuscitated from your heroin overdose or lying in a pool of your own vomit. You could not understand why this particular project was giving you such a hard time. You were three-years sober. You had a steady job and gone back to school. Your relationship with your parents was better than ever. So, why the thought of a self-portrait brought upon negative thoughts about oneself?

You mentioned your troubles to Luke, and he was very sympathetic. While he was now 206 days sober, there were times where he felt…like the achievement did not mean much.

"What do you mean by that?" you asked him while on the way to Aunt Janet's house.

"It's just…this isn't my first rodeo when it comes to recovery," Luke began to say. "There is always this little voice in the back of my head that…"

"That it is only temporary. I have that little voice too. I'm not too fond of that little voice. Three years sober, and there are times where I still feel like a total failure. I shouldn't, but…I can't help it," you revealed to Luke honestly.

"Thankfully, there is another little voice in the back of my head that gives tells me that I'm doing a good job now and then. It's just that positive little voice has been a tad quiet lately," you added.

Luke could pick up on the little defeatist tone in your voice, and he did not like it. You immediately felt his worry about you. "Hey," you said to get his attention and placed a hand on his arm. "Don't worry about me, okay. I'm fine. I have my fears like every recovering addict. It is nice to talk to someone about it, particularly someone who understands, you know. That helps."

Silence soon filled the car, but it was not awkward. You never had awkward or uncomfortable silences with Luke. For some reason, Luke was one of the few comforting presences in your life. Regardless of all of the hardships he has gone through in his life, he offered a sense of hopefulness. With his 6'3 stature, Luke really came off more like a gentle giant. It was like he did not view himself as this grown tall man, but probably still felt like that little kid hiding under the bed from the "Tall Man" at Hill House.

"Luke," you said to get his attention. "Are you happy?"

"No," he replied immediately, then clarified when he saw the look you gave him. "I mean, am I happy that I am over 200 days clean, then yes I am, very much so. But…I don't know, there is a small part of me that is scared to be happy…to be content in fear of something going wrong."

When Luke pulled the car into Aunt Janet's driveway, the older woman immediately came out of the house to greet her youngest nephew.

"There he is, my little boy," she said and wrapped her arms around Luke, which he reciprocated.

"Hi Aunt Janet, how are you?"

"I'm fine, darling. How have you been?" Aunt Janet asked, pulling away to get a good look at Luke. He looked much better than he did at Nell's funeral.

"Good. I'm doing good. Everyone is doing…fine," Luke replied, then turned towards you. He introduced you as his friend and not his sponsor to his Aunt, which kind of surprised you.

"So nice to meet you," said Aunt Janet taking your hand. She motioned for you both to follow her into the house. "I hope you both are hungry. I made an array of sandwiches and salads for lunch. Luke, I also made your favorite…chocolate pecan pie bars."

"Thank the Lord because he was hoping you would make them on the car ride here. It was all he talked about?" you teased.

"Once you have one, then you will know what I am talking about," Luke responded with a smile.

Aunt Janet lead you both into the kitchen.

"Can I use the bathroom to freshen up?" you asked her.

"Oh yes, dear. It is down that hallway, the first door to the right," told Aunt Janet as she showed you where to go. "Luke, you should probably wash your hands first," she added.

"Yes, Aunt Janet," he said and went to the sink to wash his hands.

When you were no longer in earshot, Aunt Janet stood beside her nephew and said, "Your friend seems really sweet."

Luke could not hold back his smile, "Yeah, she is genuinely nice. She's fun to hang out with. We have a lot of the same interests. Shirley and Theo have met her as well," he mentioned and shared that both of his sisters really liked you.

Aunt Janet turned her head to see if you came if you were around the corner. When you were not, she leaned over to Luke and said, "Very pretty too. She'd make a lovely…"

"Aunt Janet, she is just a friend. I can't date her anyway. She's…they say you shouldn't date anyone while still in recovery."

"I'm so proud of you," Aunt Janet said as she placed the food on the kitchen table. "You are becoming the man I always knew you could be."

Luke would be lying to himself if he denied that there was some form of attraction that he had for you, both physically and emotionally. He knew that the feelings that he was slowly developing towards you could be considered wrong. You were his sponsor…a dedicated one at that too. It would not be right for him to act on any attraction he may have for you—no doubt, that you would not reciprocate them, which would be disappointing to Luke.

"Better to just suffer in silence," Luke thought to himself.

"Don't you want a girlfriend? A family of your own someday?" asked Aunt Janet.

"Yeah…maybe. Someday. I'm just learning to take care of myself without drugs in my system. There is no way I can be a dedicated father or husband to anyone… at least not right now. I am still a work in progress," Luke admitted to his aunt. "I do like…" But Luke stopped when he heard your footsteps approaching.

"Oh, my goodness. The pictures on the wall… I'm assuming the little kid with glasses is you, Luke."

The three of you sat around the kitchen table with your plates stacked with delicious food.

"Luke was the absolute cutest kid. He had a little lisp as well," Aunt Janet shared. "I have more pictures of the kids if you would like to see them?"

"Yes," you replied ecstatically.

"No," Luke disputed, "We are in the middle of eating."

"We can multitask. Let's see those pictures," you asserted gleefully while Aunt Janet got up from the table.

With a belly full of food, the three you were now sitting outside on the patio, drinking tea, and eating Aunt Janet's yummy chocolate pecan pie bars. You already looked through three photo albums that showed Luke and his siblings' younger years.

"I wanted to take as many pictures as I could of the kids. They hated it, but I told 'em they would appreciate it when they got older," expressed Aunt Janet. "Here's a picture of Nell on her wedding day. That's her husband, Arthur. Sadly, he passed away a couple of months after they got married. But…they are together now."

You looked at the photo of the young couple. Nell looked very much like her older sisters and her mother. You could tell that there was a kindness about Nell just by looking at the picture. She was the type of person to go above and beyond for her family and even strangers. Luke would say that Nell was just that type of person to care about everyone, no matter who they were or where they came from.

Luke did share with you that one of his biggest regrets was not going to Nell's wedding. He said that he tried, but Shirley told him to leave. Luke said that it was for the best and that he was in no right state of mind to support his twin the way she deserved on her wedding day.

Thankfully for Luke, Nell understood and held no hard feelings. She never did when it came to her other half.

Aunt Janet began to sniffle, and when you looked up from the photo, you saw the older woman dab her eyes with a napkin. Out of instinct, Luke grabbed his Aunt's tiny hand and squeezed it with his as a way to show support. Just as he was Aunt Janet's little boy, Nell was her little girl. She was the one to raise them, take care of them, and guide them into adulthood.

None of the Crain children were perfect; they were far beyond that notion. However, there is no denying that if they did not have Aunt Janet take care of them and love them, they could have been worse off. Luke had the overwhelming feeling of guilt encompassing him at the moment as Aunt Janet tried to hold back her tears.

You instantly looked up at Luke. You could feel his sense of guilt towards the way he treated his aunt while growing up. He looked over at you. It was a silent conversation you both were having between one another. You mouthed, "Do you want me to go?" so he could have this moment alone.

With a shake of his head, 'No,' Luke spoke up to get his aunt's attention. "Aunt Janet…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for…for all the Hell I put you through while living here. You did so much for Nell and me, and the others that I…shit all over it. I stole and lied to you like it was my job. You deserved better. I just want you to know that…me getting hooked on drugs…well…that was…no matter what had happened…it was my choice to go down that path of destruction. I love you, Aunt Janet, and I am so appreciative of the sacrifices you made for my siblings and me. I wish that I weren't such a fuck up…"

"Oh sweetheart, no, you are not a…fuck up," Aunt Janet interjected and continued, "Not at all. I love you so much that…I would do anything for you, you know that, right? Your childhood is in the past. It happened. It is a part of you. The fact that you are continuing to remain clean after all that has occurred…well, that is something you should be most proud of. It shows that you are dedicated to your sobriety and turning your life around. No one said this process was easy, but you stayed the course and continued to make good decisions. As I told you earlier, you are becoming the man I always knew you could be."

"Now, I'm going to cry," Luke giggled as he dabbed his eyes with a napkin. "I didn't mean to turn this into a sob fest, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what I put you through and that I love you very much, Aunt Janet."

Aunt Janet emerged from her seat to wrap her arms around her nephew and kiss the top of his head. It was a sweet moment to witness.

#luke crain #luke crain x reader #luke crain x female reader #the haunting of hill house #oliver jackson cohen

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i-bring-crack · 2 years

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Imma just promote third and second chapter cuz I forgot to do it last time.

Chapter 2: Genpuku

There was a small reason why didn't upload this story after actually, I wanted to get better at art because there would be alot of clothing that, if I had a good pen at art, It would have helped a lot. At last I can only provide with descriptions until next year. Maybe I might add drawings after the next year once I get better.

Surprisingly there isn't much going on in this chapter, up until chapter 5 or 6 is when the spicyness happens~

Chapter 3: Ashigaru of Chikuzen.

Meaning the foot soldier of Chikuzen.

Which would be here let me show you with this photo from The Wikipedia Commons by Stuart Rankin...

And also very sorry to say that Fukuoka might have not been until edo but at this point but I'm sweating over too many details because history never wants to be accurate with me so imma just do the same.

Also here is the map of Kyushu, the sources are from Samurai Sourcebook by Stephen Turnbull. Which I use this mostly since at

It shouldn't have taken them a week to get there I know, like maybe 2 to 4 days.(That or I tend to just walk a lot and I'm overestimating idk) Which will be explained in another chapter why it took so long.

I got a lot of sources by Stephen Turnbulls books ngl, they are kinda fun to read alongside "Taiko" The epic novel by Eiji Yoshikawa. Unlike the novels however, Stephen Turnbull provided pictures for me which god may I just say saved me too many times especially when I am just a teen without knowing a speck of Japanese and just wanted to write a fic :"v

Some other sources where from

This blog spot

And

A Sengoku Jidai site

As well as others that I might put all the sources by the end of the series.

Thank you for passing by（＾ω＾）

#kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #giyuu tomioka #sabito #ao3 fanfic #fem giyuu #azuchi momoyama period #sengoku jidai #sabigiyuu #dont mind me imma buty myself inside some books #that one sengoku mulan au fic

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resinatingbeauty · 3 years

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About Me & My Work + Status Update

Shop: blursedbaubles.etsy.com

Pinterest:@resinatingbeauty @blursedbaubles (Business Account with all my handmade creations and custom commission gallery)

Instagram: resinating_beauty_

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/blursedbaubles/

Discord: ResinatingBeauty#2475 (open server- message / friend for invite)

I have always been the strong creative type. Growing up in St. Augustine, FL, I was surrounded by the intrigue, rich history, allure, and culturally diverse of the Oldest City which greatly influenced my writing, art, and spiritually which was elaborated on in 1994 when my father's job took my mother and I to Minnesota, Illinois, and the Panhandle, before returning back home to central FL in 2000 where I still reside, though I would love to explore the rest of the country.

St. Augustine had many Spanish influences because of the original Spanish settlements there, the Panhandle introduced me to the traditions of Voodoo & Hoodoo with the celebration of Mardi Gras which was big in the area I lived in as we were right on the border of Alabama and Louisiana. Up north, I first became introduced to Wicca as a child, which lead me to seek out a coven or those with similar interests. With all of these integrated practices and interests, I naturally became an amalgamation of them, never really defining myself with one particular label or devoting myself to any one god/goddess or doctrine. While my father's side tried to force Catholicism down my throat and my mother's side focused on traditional Southern Baptist values- My parents were not devoutly religious people and allowed me to choose my own path. However, this would cause a lot of strife in our family while my grandparents on both sides were alive, trying to persuade my parents into forcing me to confirm to their ideals. Naturally, I wasn't having it. I knew that everyone was misguided with all good intentions, but as a child, all that came of it were feelings of depression, oppression, animosity, and alienation that wouldn't resolve until I got older and understood why everything had been the way it was.

Creating through writing and art became my solitary sanctuary and I was constantly seeking out new inspiration, from mythology books to reading the Encyclopedia Brittanica during long car rides. Video games also fueled my progress as an artist and Spiritualist, surprisingly, as I began to recognize the mythos used in the storylines of my favorite RPGs which just reinforced my interest in the occult.

In 2018, I began selling my handmade one of a kind creations on second hand sites like Mercari and eBay, using the sales to continue to pursue my passion. I hadn't really looked into Etsy except to sell some of my aunt's paintings at one point, making sales once every couple of weeks on those other sites if I was lucky. I didn't start looking into Etsy until January of last year when Mercari changed their policies and raised their fees. My desire to take custom commissions and create personalized items was not really supported by Mercari, either, so it was really only a matter of time before I gravitated toward Etsy and established my shop there, focusing on handmade to order and one of a kind creations.

Every purchase supports my Craft and Crafts, gives me the ability to help others who either need a shoulder to cry on or some spiritual advice, in addition to supporting other local & small businesses like myself, with the added bonus of supporting me, a solo female business owner & artist.

So please take the time to browse my shop or make a custom request- I would be honored to manifest your dreams by my hands! Want some inspiration or to see my portfolio? I'm in the process of uploading ALL of my commissions, custom orders, personalized, and one of a kind creations on Pinterest if you would like to take a look by clicking either of the links above.

Moreover, it would be a pleasure to meet you and work for and with you- either now or sometime in the future. Thank you for taking the time to take a look, like, reblog, or what have you. Every little bit helps!

Thank you again & merry met!

Samantha

(Owner, Designer, Creator)

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