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childishfluff · 3 years

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(im gonna be sending a few seperate asks since theyre seperate thoughts/ideas, sorry for any sort of inbox spam!!) ur pet regressor tommy fic led me into a whole wormhole of many different ideas.. esp abt who else is a pet regressor!!

- wilbur (cat regressor!! also very relaxed, he *will* just sleep on phil or techno's lap for hours on end. mostly nonverbal, but will meow every now nd again. mostly communicates through actions. he can purr. doesn't drop often, but when he does, it's due to extreme stress- meaning he can be pretty sensitive while he's in catspace.)

- tubbo (puppy regressor, but definitely more of a relaxed dog aside from the amnt he communicates, especially through barking, whimpering, and soft "awooo!!"'s. loves snuggles. sometimes, he's scared to come of as annoying, so he's hesitant to slip into pupspace, normally needing someone to help him along and tell him that it's ok for him to be a puppy, nd that he's a very very good boy.)

- karl (kitten regressor!!!! he's either really sleepy or really playful/energetic, and he has no in between on that. he meows.. so much.. all he kno is meow meow!! *very* sensitive while dropped, and as such, he needs a lot of validation and love. will get extremely upset with himself if he notices that anyone is even *slightly* mad/irritated by him.)

- nick (sapnap) (PUPPY REGRESSOR 100000%!!! he's very very loud and extremely playful!!! he can be entertained for *hours* w literally anything, especially toys like chew bones. doesn't really drop too often, but when he does, he drops very very far. something that can trigger his drops is when people compare his traits/actions to those of a dog because he just goes yes!! yes me!!!! dog!!! me!!!! also he loves karl *so* much because karl absolutely spoils him rotten when he's in pupspace.)

- ranboo (kitty regressor!! similar to karl, he can be really sensitive while he's dropped. entirely nonverbal, opting for actions instead. he's a mix of both playful and sleepy. when he sleeps, he curls his entire body up into a circle nd kneads at whatever he's sleeping on until he falls asleep.)

- dream (cat regressor!! sleeps a lot when he's dropped, hes just vv tired. mimics patches, and loves to follow her around/act like she does. even bases his catgear around patches, with tabby-colored cat ears and an outfit based off of similar colors. drops very easily, mostly voluntarily.)

those r the ones i can think of now.. id love to know ypur opinions/interpretations of them!! -🌻

OKAY I’M GONNA GO THROUGH THESE ONE BY ONE, AND SHARE MY THOUGHTS+OTHER POSSIBLE HCS/FIC SCENARIOS, SO LONG POST WARNING Y’ALL

1. Cat Regressor! Wilbur

yes yes yes, I wouldn’t of thought of it myself but the idea is absolutely adorable! I’d totally write that, with like handler/cg!niki in addition to those you listed. And the idea of him using it for stress and therefore being sensitive in catspace? like, that’s amazing.

I could imagine a fic where someone pushes him to regress for fun for once, but he feels like it’s stupid to purposely act like a cat when he doesn’t need it? They don’t pressure him, or anything, but he ends up slipping because he feels safe. and he realizes not only does it help with stress, but it just makes him more happy!

also imagine him slipping around tommy for whatever reason, and just wanting to sleep while Tommy’s trying to do something fun. So he’s dragging around a sleepy kitten and waking him up every two seconds, and it’s really soft and adorable and ends up with Wilbur sleeping somewhat on Tommy so that he can’t get up and he’s like ‘you’re so lucky I love you, dude.’ awww I need to write a fic- no promises but y’know

2.Puppy Regressor!Tubbo

someone actually requested a puppy regressors!tubbo and tommy fic that I’m having trouble writing, like it sounds cute but it’s kinda hard bc I’ve never written puppyspace before. I actually decided to start over but I’ma keep trying on that.

anyways, imagine like, Ranboo or Tommy helping him slip over a discord call! Needing help to regress is something that I understand (I age regress, but I haven’t in a while due to this issue), so I could probably write Tubbo in that position well. Needing to be coaxed and told that it’s okay to be a cute lil puppy, like that’s adorable!

3. Kitten Regressor!Karl

tbh I tried to write kitten!karl but I was half asleep and gave up, I need to get back to that hjsiksja. Like I specialize in writing sensitive regressors w/anxiety over someone being mad at them, so I could definitely pull this off.

and the idea of him being a talkative kitty is sooo cute! Like I can imagine something along the lines of this conversation between him and a handler/cg:

“What do you want?”

“Meowww”

“I don’t know what that means!”

“Meow?” (little head tilt and innocent cute eyes)

“Do you want cuddles?”

*excited meows! and he goes and cuddles up in their lap bc yay, they understood him!*

and imagine kitten!karl playing w/Quackity! very very adorable concept

4. Puppy Regressor! Sapnap

okay okay so I don’t watch sapnap really but this is still adorable! Like the whole ‘me, puppy? yes.’ thing is soooo cute! Imagine George or Dream just forgetting that’s a trigger and making a joke about how one of his mannerisms reminds them of a puppy and suddenly! There’s a puppy to take care of!

and karl spoiling him sounds like something he’d do hjsiksjsa. I can’t really add much on here bc idk much about him/his content past the smp but this is so cute! Maybe I’ll watch a few of his videos and attempt writing him bc I keep getting requests for him

5. Kitten Regressor! Ranboo

yes, I was already thinking about this tbh! Like I’ve written him as a little and it’s kinda similar, he’s sensitive, and he’s less verbal the littler he gets. As a kitten, I can easily picture him just being quiet.

I imagine that he’s really pouty because of this, because he doesn’t know how to communicate otherwise, so this might confuse anyone who may take care of him.

“Why are you pouting? Do you want cuddles? Food? Do you wanna play?”

and he just doesn’t reply bc he’s a kitten and he can’t talk so it’s an endless cycle of guess and check until they reach the right answer, and it’s really funny to watch. I can also imagine that he giggles a lot. Like he’s not verbal or anything, and he doesn’t giggle a lot but sometimes it happens! and if you make him giggle while in kittenspace then you did something right!

it makes everyone happy when he giggles and it’s really soft and cute! I definitely think I’ll write a fic with kitten!ranboo in it, at some point eventually, I think!

6. Cat Regressor! Dream

awwwww- I didn’t even consider the possibility of this but awwww. Imagine Wilbur and Dream in catspace together, just sleeping and cuddling while basically all the other kittens are playing and being hyper. And everyone’s trying to get them to play but they’re sleepy! (ofc they end up playing anyways bc their friends are adorable and convincing but y’know)

and I really like the idea of him mimicking patches! I’ve seen a few pet regresors say that they mimick/copy their pets so it kinda feels realistic and likely! and plus, it’s really cute.

and since his regression is voluntary, I can imagine him like one minute, just chillin w/george and sapnap and going ‘what if- what if I just went *cat mode*’ and he tries to hint to his friends that he wants to slip but they’re not getting it so it’s kinda frustrating for him but funny for the readers to see play out bc George and Sapnap are being completely oblivious to everything. Hjsiksja that’d be funny

Thank you for sending this it, like seriously! It was really fun to go through and talk about these, I might make additional headcannon lists once I’m actually awake tomorrow bc I shouldn’t be up rn but yeah, I just wanted to go through and respond to this! <3

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midnight633 · 3 years

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Hiiiii midnight it’s been a while! I’ve been pretty the air at school is pretty chill rn and I haven’t been as stressed as normal! Anyways I just finished reading the haikyuu manga and none of my irl friends are going to read it so I’m DYING to talk to someone about it while it’s still fresh on my mind (also I remember you saying you read the manga but if you didn’t don’t continue reading for spoilers!) well ANYWAYS the nekoma match took YEARS of my life let me tell you and the cage metaphors and tsukki and kuroo’s battle of the blockers it was probably one of my favorite matches. And KENMA at the end actually having fun ahahah I loved loved loved this match.

And then fukorodani’s match with akaashi was hard to read but the “we are the protagonists/stars of the world” made my bokuaka heart go places but akaashi just breaking was so surprising to see and the fact that they don’t even win nationals makes me sooo sad I wanted at least one team I knew to win nations also

AND THEN THE NEXT MATCH HINATAA the day that scene gets animated is the day I combust someone give HINATA a hug he just couldn’t play for w h a t and then they losttt and he was crying alone and coach ukai and takeda were absolute kings in this scene. Buuuuttt we did get to meet the tiny giant and I thkught he’d look real intimidating and scary but he actually seems pretty cool! AND THEN KAGAYAMA unpopular opinion I actually can’t STAND him sometimes he really went I win while hinata is really cryingg and I know it’s for plot but hsjajsjs

The time skip omggg okay yachi saying that date tech went to finals and the Miya twins beat karasuno actually made my heart really happy. I do wish when they were third years they could if won but getting third is also really incredible and YAMAGUCHI WAS CAPTAIN I really need the crew as their years fics. The beach part was so fun to read I loved meeting them new people and OIKAWA I never though hinata and oikawa would get to the point of being good friends but I loved seeing it

AND THEN RHE MATCH BETWEEN HINATA AND KAGEYAMA okay kags backstory was sad but the “one day you’ll okay with someone who is even better then you” and that someone being hinata he finally beat kagayama it makes me sooo happy. Also bokuto making everyone clap for him I love it AND THE NEXT PART WITH OIKAWA ahahshd I don’t even want to know the outcome of the match but I was sooo sad it ended (and is it weird that I want a spinoff with natsu hinata playing volleyball that would be so cool)

I’m so sorry for the long ask it’s just I have NO ONE to talk to about this and you don’t ever have to answer I just like ranting so if you made it this far thank you and have an amazing rest of your day!

@ren-likes-muffins ?!! HOLY SHIT??!! You did it?!

I don't know what's with Tumblr not giving me notifications (also I haven't checked it much) so I'm late at seeing this but I AM SOO HAPPY U READ THE MANGA BECAUSE WE CAN NOW SCREAM AT EACH OTHER! I actually read the manga then went back and rewatched the series and started rereading the manga till the end of nekoma match then a week of exams happened and I became antisocial.

Deep breath

Like I was so pumped up for the nekoma match when I realized that was not yet animated and reading the first few pages of the manga was hard cuz my dumbass brain didn't wanna read right to left and interpret instead went rushing through the panels ( hence the re read to savour the storyline and characters) . But once I got into it the match was soo good? Like Kenma really went I don't care you're my friend I'm gonna tear u from limb to limb and did so calmly? I agree with the cage metaphor when he broke through it I was so giddy and I remember Suguru ( Nohebi's captain) commenting how he didn't like Tsukki's vibes and realising that it was same as Kuroo's and hating them both :)

The Fukorodani's match fed my bokuaka heart and was a precursor to Bokuto's 'im a normal ace' part. The tiny giant was kind of a disappointment but that's life for you.. and the kamomedai match man the battle of the little giants - I was so rooting for Hinata but when he collapsed I didn't get it at first but then it hit me and takeda's talk about taking care of body being a part of volleyball and all made me cry. Also Kenma coming to check up on Hinata? Soft. Heart breaking. Cue waterworks.

Somewhere deep inside I always expected Karasuno to win the nationals but they lost and I wasn't even bothered by it at the end

So.. unpopular opinion I kind of don't like Kageyama? He is always being insensitive and a dick to Hinata and when says I'm going forwards or some shit when Hinata collapses really made me dislike him very much. I don't really think their dynamic is healthy so kagehina became a big no-no for me.

But post time skip I loved that they could settle it and work together as equals. But Brazil?! My god, little Hinata become so accomplished-Ninja Shoyou- and the bit abt Kenma sponsoring him, Oikawa meeting him and becoming friends, seeing all these great high school players in the same team- let me tell you Atsumo and Sakusa on the same team with their competitive vibes with Bokuto - man I laughed like crazy at the Bokuto Beam, its so dorky and utterly him- and Hinata was perfect. Is it weird I want spinoff of the MSBY jackals and their shenanigans? I loved how they showed every ones career and Tsukki still playing 🏐 after saying it's just a game - he must have been more hooked than he let on-

I agree a spin off with natsu playing 🏐 would be soo Cool - going all like but Onichan you can't come to my game then everyone will want your autograph and you'll embarrass me-

I wanted more but with the open ending I can now imagine anything and subsequently my haikyuu brainrot is spreading

I too don't have any irl friends who watch it and I resigned myself to being alone in this but man ranting is so satisfying isn't it?

My haikyuu phase doesn't seem to end soon but it's just that I can't get into the head space for ATLA and I feel so guilty for it, I have so many updates from fics I've subscribed and I can't muster any interest in checking them out.

On another note it's so funny in a show where the only confirmed couples seem to be Tanaka and Kiyoko yet I ship so many of them!? In my mind they are all gay and I ship them. My fav ships are probably- iwaoi, daisuga, BOKUAKA, kuroken, and weirdly enough I was kinda obsessed with sakuhina, atsuhina, oh and sakuatsu. I. Just. Think. They're. Neat.

Oh well this is way too long and if you've read all this you have the patience of a saint and I'm proud of you. If you want let me know your fave ships and other manga bits that caught your attention ( random- but I love that Kita is a rice farmer and supplies for onigiri Miya)

Here is a fanart that I love that reminded me of the ' we are the protoganists of the world'

Byee!! Take care and Have a lovely day! Ily<3

#ask #answered #ren-likes-muffins #haikyuu!!

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un-beel-lievable · 4 years

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Obey Me characters as Billie Eilish songs

Why did I do this. Idk some of them are great and some of them are okay (in terms of how well they fit the characters. Don’t come for me I was bored and this seemed like a good idea ten minutes ago. Also SPOILER WARNING.

Lucifer - “All The Good Girls Go To Hell”

I believe I am required by law to choose this song for him bc she legitimately sings his name in the lyrics lmao

It’s kinda self explanatory in my book. She sings about the pearly gates being more like a picket fence, meaning they’re more like a prison.

Also the MV for the song is literally an angel falling out of the sky and becoming a demon so

Mammon- “Hostage”

This is a song about someone who wants to keep someone’s attention all for themselves. Sound familiar? They seem desperate to keep the person

I mean this is a more extreme case of that but you can see the yandere potential lmao

Plus she makes a lot of references to gold in the second verse and ya boy loves gold

Leviathan- “When I Was Older”

So this isn’t SUPER relevant to him as a character and I’ll be the first to admit that

BUT there are several lines speaking about water and the sea, something Leviathan (the actual creature and our boy) are connected to

Idk she says best of friends in the lyrics and I couldn’t help but think of all the times Levi’s referenced MC being his Henry a.k.a his best friend

Satan- “Come Out And Play” AND “Bury A Friend”

Okay so he has two bc I was having trouble deciding between soft and scary?

The way that I interpret the song Come Out And Play is someone who is coaxing someone else to come out of their shell and show their emotions which I feel is a big part of Satan’s character

But on the other hand you have Bury A Friend which I could see as Satan’s wrath and him questioning why MC isn’t afraid of him when he is literally SATAN

Asmodeus- “Bitches Broken Hearts”

So this was a bit more challenging (terms of finding a good song) bc Billie isn’t really known for having songs about being a hoe lmao

But this song has this sensual lo-fi sound that I really vibe with

And I kinda see the song from the perspective of Asmodeus who fell in love with someone (MC?) and had his heart broken? I mean you could probably make it vice versa but who knows I’m a moron moving on

Beelzebub- “Ilomilo”

I can’t express how much I love this song and especially how much I love this song for Beel specifically.

Now at face value this song may seem ill-fitting for him but she sings about not wanting to be lonely, and hoping someone she loves will come home and wanting to protect them

Idk it seems nice for him. Plus I think it’s kind of a funny juxtaposition how light and pretty the song sounds when Beel is such a LORGE

Belphegor- “Lovely” AND “Six Feet Under”

Okay so to me the main song of the two that works best is Lovely

Lovely has lines that say “I hope some day I’ll make it out of here” (and I’m connecting that to him being locked up duh) But it also talks about someone who is lonely and who’s heart has become cold

Six feet under isn’t THAT great for him but it’s like SUPER emo and I feel like it would be a good song for Belphie x MC or sumn idk

Lillith- “Listen Before I Go”

Look if you have ever even heard this song one time you should know why I picked it

It’s sung from the perspective of someone who is dying in someone else’s arms like,,, and saying she wants to be taken to the rooftop so she can see the world one last time

Super sad, super good 10/10 this was one of the easiest ones for me to do

Diavolo-”You Should See Me In A Crown”

Okay so i feel like I should preface that the undateables is where the crack jumped out. That is to say, I didn’t have as strong of an argument for why these songs should go with these characters

Anyway this song is a bit more on the obvious side. Diavolo is the prince and will one day become the king of the Devildom sooo check him in that crown u know what I’m sayin

Barbatos- “Goodbye”

Is it a cop out to give him a song that’s this short?? Idk I was having trouble with him, mostly because we don’t know much about him, unfortunately

But I gave this to him bc Goodbye is the last song on the album “When We All Fall Asleep Where Do We Go” and basically (in reverse order) goes back through and references all the songs on the album and idk that made me think time travel??? Who the hell knows at this point

Solomon- “My Boy”

So I had the same issue with Solomon as Barbatos? But at least I was able to make a couple of connections lyrics-wise?

She sings about how her boy is being shady and sus lmao that’s pretty much it. Give it a listen and see what you think

Simeon- “Ocean Eyes”

So AGAIN, not much info on him. But what I DO know about him is that he is an angel with beautiful blue eyes lmao

So obviously she sings about ocean colored eyes but she also sings the line ‘I’ve never fallen from quite this high.’ and idk high up? Fall? Heaven? Just kill me

Luke- “Xanny”

LMAO LET ME EXPLAIN

This is one of her few songs that isn’t about relationships and it’s about condemning drug and alcohol abuse and how people at parties always smoke and drink and that is also 10000% something Luke is against so here ya go leave me alone

MC- “I Love You” AND “No Time To Die” AND “Everything I Wanted”

Okay so I was listening to Billie’s songs and SO many of them were good for MC (and it’s especially hard bc MC is a different character for everyone)

In the case of “I Love You”, the song is about someone who confessed their feelings to the singer and the singer seems to not feel the same way (or at least they wish they weren’t being confessed to in that moment) and I kept getting this vision of one of the brothers (that MC is NOT in love with) confessing. Or it’s because they love more than one brother and they don’t know what to do. That or it’s when they confess and she knows she has to leave the next day. She says “I love you, and I don’t want to” BIG sad

For “No Time To Die” I kept seeing it as MC when she saw herself killed by Belphie. I mean tbh the lyrics are perfect for that specific scenario (’was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help?’...’fool me once, fool me twice, are you death or paradise?’) but not really any other which is why I didn’t really want it to be the ONLY song MC had

“Everything I Wanted” has to be the least related of the three but this is my list damn it so here we go. She sings things like “Everybody wants something from me now and I don’t wanna let ‘em down.’ Eh, give it a listen and see if you can hear a connection

(So anyway this was a trainwreck of a post but it is an UNGODLY hour in the A.M. so just roll with me)

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unproduciblesmackdown · 4 years

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i was gonna send an ask like "have you considered: 'anger is a type of geography' + 4x11" and then i checked and you actually had! but if you feel like considering it More then here's a free space

oh thanks for these Layers of Allyship re: humoring my repeated [anger geography sign tapping] and checking for things and then sending me asks about it all to invite yet more Consideration.........yeah i feel like i mentioned it at least once in tags or smthing lol??? but here comes yet more consideration / giving it an In The Text post if that doesn’t exist already yet either

the Anger Is A Type Of Geography Quote From Hanif Abdurraqib in question for everyone’s reference:

anger is a type of geography. the ways out of it expand the more you love a person. the more forgiveness you might be willing to afford each other opens up new and unexpected roads. and so, for some, staying angry at someone you love is a reasonable option. to stay angry at someone you know will forgive your anger is a type of love, or at least it is a type of familiarity that can feel like love.

like, yeah sure what with winston originally talking to lauren and mafee about this and taylor Happening to walk in on it, he probably wasn’t necessarily planning to go off on his Indignant Monologue to taylor right then and there, but the fact remains that he was willing to do so, and i definitely think that that wouldn’t be the case if he didn’t have this Respect for them and think that they have respect for him in turn, and if he didn’t also think that that mutual respect is holding hands with mutually valuing each other. like, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t think taylor might actually listen / consider what he says, and he wouldn’t even Want to say it if he didn’t give a shit about them, because he’s not just complaining about “um i simply ask for more money,” it’s about the fact he Feels Disrespected by the implied deprioritization of tmc employees and that the way this (false lol) choice is presented to them being Unfair and disingenuous. like, you could (and im sure most viewers do) interpret the other stuff he says as just him backing up his “Pay Me” argument when all he really cares about is the Pay Me part, but a) that’s not how We roll and b) doesn’t make sense with winston being just as happy as anyone else in 4x12with taylor Apologizing re: many of these 4x11 points, despite them not saying they were gonna change the Bonus situation lol, and c) it Does make sense to think that the Mutual Respect between taylor and winston matters to him due to [see: the rest of this post]

well wait lol first of all yeah sure the money Must matter to him b/c nobody could possibly be in the world of High Finance as a passion project (except for taylor apparently lmao cuz i mean we know that the Real reason they are determined to stick with hedge fundery (and involved in the first place) is b/c they are the best part of the show and elevate all the other Lesser Elements of it as well) and also we can figure that this was probably winston’s first year working a Big Time Official Job and he doesn’t have the savings that other ppl might when they’ve been in the business multiple years, and this seems to be backed up by lauren referring to him as they guy who’d be the First One Smothered by either taking a bonus cut by 40% or not getting that bonus at all until a whole other year, which, like he seems to also imply, is also Unhelpful in that surely these investment finance people turn around and invest their own finances, and Bonus Now is better than Bonus Then b/c.....interest....Long Shares.......and also just like tfw you want your job to pay you.......but anyways Seriously [next paragraph]

cuz winston *must* be working at Taylor Mason Capital b/c he really values working with taylor more than, say, wanting a job that will make him the most money, or will necessarily look the best on a resumé if he’s just looking to up his stats, b/c yeah, this is sure an unlikely opportunity for him where this is what we’re assuming is his First Fancy Job and he’s getting to be the Top Quant right out of the gate, but he must also know that like, it’s still like “oh so you were head quant at a brand new fund :/” and also he must know that there’s a Risk with said fund and he might even end up having been head quant at a new fund that burned out really quick, super impressive........and, we Know that winston *knows* how good he is at what he does, even though he keeps getting dunked on for that like he’s sooo conceited lol like. he IS that good, sorry!!!! why should he downplay it, we don’t actually see him being one of these shitheads with a fragile ego trying to prove themselves Superior or whatever.....ANYWAYS yeah the point being that, winston claiming to have a lot of offers already in the interview might very well Not be any kind of bluff, and he’d surely know that he could rise through the Quant Ranks quickly enough at some other fund even if he started out as anything but Our Main Quant at those places.......and if Getting Tf Paid Top Dollar was really his primary concern, “go with the brand new hedge fund which doesn’t have Established History / Experience / Clout and has the one big investor but who knows what’ll come next and any business that Just opened is not your safest bet even if you trust in your own skill and in that of your ceo and you Know that even if you’re not immediately destroyed, funds will be tighter / of a Lesser Amount than at a bigger established fund”.........the now-dramatic-irony of him talking about how those Tech Firms Out West pay guarantees, not bonuses.........like, when he was trying to get onboard with axe cap, he was obvs interested in trying to leverage to get Paid more, which is like, not necessarily winston wanting to be a trillionaire but also just how stupidly everyone’s supposed to like Play The Game of negotiating / leveraging / calling your employer’s bluff to get a certain starting salary / get a raise or whatever, dumb as hell baked-in Requirement........discuss your wages with coworkers gang!!! anyways. and but Also winston makes it clear when interviewing for axe cap that Working With Taylor Mason has appeal, even if he’s flippant about it, cuz he’s flippant about all of it cuz that’s his shtick here.....

like, when it’s Taylor Alone who calls him back eventually, he’s fine with meeting up with Just Them, and later on meeting up with Just Them (and the other quants, rip) again, and agrees to work in this lil basement evidently Not on axe cap premises b/c he’d been at axe cap’s offices and this is Not That Place......and yeah him talking about taylor selling axe on using his algorithm in kompenso sure implies that winston has this whole time Assumed that all of this was still ultimately in the service of axe cap.......and he was apparently fine with reporting to Taylor Alone and not getting to rub elbows with any other higher-ups, and he’s obviously pleased well enough with a “good work :)” from taylor and isn’t like “hey be sure to tell axe & co i did this singlehandedly etc” or anything, and he’s not really complaining about the whole “work in this lil basement Not at axe cap hq with taylor mason dropping in at least once to check on you and that’s about it” situation, which obviously is hardly that “You’re A Valued Axe Cap Employee” treatment one might expect if they wanted that.....winston’s glad that taylor called him, he’s trying to appeal to them and what *they* want to see rather than how he tried to go for what he thinks [a place like axe cap] would wanna see like he did in the interview, he’s showing up at this weird basement rendezvous to be on a 3 person quant team of taylor’s, he’s fine to not only do this on his own but also accept those increased demands that make it a [fifty(? or 15, either way) phds would work on this]-Level task, and then he’s glad just to have taylor’s approval at the end of the day.......they Wouldn’t have been able to promise him any leverage of “please do your best work on this” with like, promotions / clout within axe cap or axe-cap-levels of Lots Of Payment b/c like, well taylor wouldn’t outright lie anyways but also Especially wouldn’t if they wanted to keep this quant around for tmc, so winston must never have been asking about that kind of thing

and then, bless your Missing Scene fic but there’s zero canon content re: “uh how/when did taylor break it to winston that this algorithm was for their own fund actually and btw do you want to work for that fund instead,” but presumably it went smoothly enough, he was already happy to Effectively work for them alone apparently even if he still thought that yeah, he was working for taylor who was working for axe........just Yeah altogether it’s evident that “Working With Taylor Mason” must matter more to him than “working with any Other big name financiers” or “getting paid as much as he can get” or “raking in that clout asap to leverage with Other jobs or just like, in general.”

and then of course you have the fact that taylor is Recognizing his ability by calling him back and offering him this job, going “despite your demeanor your skills are superior” and “those other two were sweet, but you’re more talented, i need you,” [praying hands emoji], and giving him this Second Chance and entrusting him with this Solo re: building this algorithm which, unbeknownst at the time to him, is really this linchpin of their hopes & dreams of launching their own secret fund here, and really they must’ve been planning from the start to keep him around if he succeeded b/c it’s not like the algorithm and their whole planned Quant Department wouldn’t continue to be integral to the fund’s success, it wouldn’t really be ideal to have this guy be the one to build an algorithm to reel in an investor who’s working in.....wait for it......billions of dollars here, and then be like, okay bye dude. they must Know how good he is same as winston knows how good he is, and him being Head Quant from the very start was surely never just about mase cap having precious few employees at the very start of things....they could’ve like given him that Lead Position temporarily or whatever, they’re ceo. but they really do value him as like, maybe he doesn’t have the ideal ~personality~ for what fucking ever, either for being Properly Assertive and Impressively Flashy like axe cap might want, or just easy to work with, which taylor would care more about than axe cap would lol, but yknow, they value his Abilities and surely they must also value his efforts re: I Promise To Try and re: his really singlehandedly making that brilliant amazing algorithm which evidently did the trick as they hoped it would

and then......dare i get to the Emotional part of things, the Interpersonal....the anger and the love...............

i mean already when winnie n tay are having their post-math-meetup meetup, aka the first time they’re meeting After their disastrous really-first meeting aka the Interview, you have winston taking a way more grounded approach to this “yeah i want to work for you please accept me” process which is obviously in response to what he thinks Taylor wants from him based on the mess of the interview, evident thanks to winston telling them that he’s been thinking about all of that.......and i mean, part of taylor’s whole thing is they have that grounded approach pretty much always lol, (or try to....Want to...), but they sure seem to Also be bringing this effort to Accommodate him based on the hot mess of the interview, wherein yeah they wouldn’t’ve expected to have to ever interact again with this person they were dunking into the trash (and of course from that Meta Perspective, the scene when originally written was meant to be winston’s only appearance ever), but they really seem to also be bringing a more dialed down approach, letting him talk first and going along with his “you ever done math meetup” intro until he’s the one who changes the subject, and i really see that Head Tilt as a sympathetic one lol, not necessarily like “awww :’0″ levels lmao but still like. they Know he’s likely to have some [emotional vulnerability] re: what last went down between them since they weren’t especially gentle with him then, and they like, demonstrably give a shit about that fact lol. they’re also not just wholly swinging in the other direction to make up for it or anything lol but they’re Also making it clear that, yknow, they’re willing to work with him For Real, not just in this “are you willing to work for me, y/n, okay great” way, but in this way of [winston making an effort to make things easier on taylor] and [taylor making an effort to make things easier on winston] which is already playing out here between them.

and the whole matter of winston’s seemingly genuine Dismay at messing up even part of this exchange, i.e. the “[wince-ston] damn it, sorry,” like, sure maybe he just really wants the job, but [see: everything above about how he Must primarily want to work with taylor re: wanting any of these jobs lol] and, after all, he “oh shit, sorry”s @ them when he’s well-established as their Head Quant in ep 4x08 and generally shows this directed-at-self displeasure at thinking he’s messed something up even without some clear “your (potential) job is on the line” element......he just Doesn’t Want To Disappoint Taylor Themself, doesn’t need some particular fear of further repercussion behind that.

and speaking of Lack Of Fear, you Know we love to point out how kompenso (and really winston’s :/ + “sure, why not :\”ness at the end of 3x09 lol) demonstrates that winston isn’t afraid of taylor either as an [intense and unusually-demeanor'd person who Does apparently strike people as Scary(tm) sometimes lol] or as this Esteemed Rising Star Axe Cap Higher-Up or simply as his de facto boss.........he’s not raring to tell them that the other quants bailed b/c of his own disapproval lol, but he’s honest as soon as they deduce as much, the tone of “fine, yes, big time” + his standing up to get even closer to them instead of just shaking in his desk chair like :c pls forgive me obviously does Not convey that he’s terrified of them, and then the rest of that interaction jsut being like, ugh god so fucking essential, they’re both able to stand face to face and be like I Am Looking Directly At It / I Do See It re: each other, both of them just continuing to be Honest and Direct with each other, God.....taylor might’ve swatted his metaphor away but he was not all that put out, and then they’re Using His Own Language by bringing it back three seconds later, like, yeah sure at this point they have a vested interest in this individual quant (the only one left lol) accepting this Demanding Task, but a) they’re not exactly playing it cool on that front, they Just said “i need You,” it’s unlikely that this is just some all manipulative tactic here by encouraging his metaphor after all lol and that’s hardly their style anyways even if they Can be strategic(tm) about things, and b) they’ve Just Previously adopted his own words lol with winston having said “as for not being a dick” and taylor saying “you backslid into being a dick” (combining His Phrasing with Theirs aka “if you promise not to backslide”....god!!!!!!)

and so then yeah to top it all off winston even ~pushes his luck~ lol by being a lil deliberately rude re: his ex-coworkers lmaoo, and you get taylor’s Reaction to being sort of tested here to be Closing Off Their Expression (speaking of....their tiny lil Eyebrow Twitch when winston infers that he’s making something to pitch to an investor.....god!!!!!! a) winnie n tay and b) emmy) and making it clear that their interest in him acting Easy To Work With was a practical matter......winston watching them go up the stairs, taylor looking back at him as they Ascend and he gets back to his desk.....jesus

the point being!!! they vibe with each other so well by Kompenso already and just *get* how the other operates and communicates and Neither Of Them are offput by the other, Neither Of Them are unwilling or uninterested in meeting each other where they’re at, and each exerting this effort to really work with each other........and how winston is Not intimidated by taylor as either someone who’s so ~weird~ and can be so Intense, or as someone who is his boss lol........which yknow we always also point out as Important re: tayston developing from this point, where taylor would be careful in how they approach winston about fwbship but would feel like it was even reasonable to consider it in the first place thanks to not having to feel like oh he definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable being honest if he wanted to say no / wasn’t sure

also Yeah It’s Billions but winston freely swearing with the F-word when they’re assessing the completed algorithm, which taylor has no reaction to lol.......the both of them being Hyped about this algorithm lol, like, Of Course they’d both be, but it’s fun :)

and then 4x03, with winston not acting terrified about there being potential Algorithm Problems, and taylor making sure to be like “don’t you dare blame latency” lol like which obv he May Have been planning to mention lol since he’s intending to give this technical answer rather than throwing out his Front Running / Interference Theory like mafee then does.....fun little moment too anyways.......taylor Allowing winston’s tangent about being cassandra and emails and “it’s pronounced owned,” like, they’re not raring to Interrupt / cut him off even if it’s Not obvious what he has to say is absolutely crucial and considered relevant by everyone else, and they’re not telling him he’s a stupid idiot and wasting their time or anything else before sending him away.......imagine. and just think about the beauty of winston very intently / earnestly saying his “i’m cassandra: Always Seeing The Future” right to taylor.

and in 4x08 they build on his metaphor Again after having just Validated him despite everyone else really wanting to do the opposite lol......i “lol” but would everyone else lay off a little Lol......his self-reproach upon Registering that disapproval / oh-no-i’ve-messed-upness again.......then despite winston Standing Right Beside and then Sitting Right Behind taylor they don’t really interact l o l .....we have taylor being all “why is He so happy” and silently observing his Solo “i won” moment, rip, but also congrats.....and then i suppose that covers the Prior To 4x11 stuff lol

just......even re: the relative little we’ve Seen between them up to that point, winston might not have intended to talk to taylor right then, and he might or might not have intended to eventually talk to them in front of anyone else, but You Know He Knows that taylor listens to him, and that he doesn’t have to like, say things in what other people think is The Right And Effective Way to talk (even by billions’s fucking off the shits standards on that front lol), because taylor Does care about what he actually means and what his actual intentions are, not just “oh that very direct/honest thing you said Seemed rude whether you intended it or not”.......the “sad” after his yngwie malmsteen metaphor was the only time they’ve critiqued something like that lol and they then used that metaphor, So, and they’ve copied him calling himself a dick lol, and they built on his Sword metaphor, and they’ve just always been interested in Understanding him and communicating effectively with him, not in trying to get him to communicate differently or just making sure he knows He Should Feel Bad about how he Does communicate, though god knows the latter is something that everyone else seems to be somewhat #about. god knows some axe capper would have that “are you finished?” simply be the Purely Rhetorical intro to their barrage of Dunking-Upon insults, although it sure seems possible that that could’ve been sort of gently dismissive enough anyways to Encourage winston to not be finished even if maybe he would’ve stopped there otherwise.....but everyone else follows taylor’s lead in Not Actually Interrupting Him at any point, despite all the 9_9 and >:| as it were, and like, even though taylor then lets this whole thing end just with mafee going tf off on winston and bullying him into deferring and would-be deference, b/c winston might have this amount of moxie and he might be honest and he might not be scared of taylor (or anyone else here really) but he’s obviously not that assertive and definitely not that aggressive, he’s self-loathing, he’s easily put out, and all of this just bolsters how much it means that he communicates so well with taylor, b/c they’re Not interested in anything that would be counterproductive to actual effective communication but which might be “productive” if they had a goal of wanting to twist his arm about anything or pressure him into acting a certain way or just fueling their own ego or sense of superiority, axe cap style. they Value all his actual input and they have this respect for him where they don’t Want to bully him even if it’s not that difficult, like, yeah mafee was being mean to him for sure and trying to insult him into simply shutting tf up rather than like, actually responding to any of his points or doing anything but reinforcing them, but also winston has been Put Out by milder [negative responses] too, it’s of course more than just “i respect you too much to like, yell at you and try to diminish you”

and Frankly Winston Was Right and he may have been Indignant and he may not have been ~polite~ about it (though like, relative to how he is generally this Direct And Honest, there’s also not all that much evidence he’s deliberately trying to add some extra servings of Rudeness or anything) but once again like with the “as for not being a dick, i can’t absolute guarantee it” moment and the “fine, yes, big time” moment, and the “im sure it’ll go faster without the dead weight; Whoops ;)” moment, and the [talking about the algorithm problems] moment, and him freely jumping in with the “this plan might get us killed (not literally)” and “it’s b/c it sucks that they had to decapitate their dad, also not literally lol....although...” remarks, he’s just like, never afraid to tell taylor something that sure might not be the most pleasant for them to hear, and sure might not be something they Want to hear. and what’s Honest is that he’s Angry about this, and they won’t want to hear that and that they will even less want to hear his Honest Thoughts about why this is unfair, but he’s willing to say that to them, and even though we were like “haha boy winston if this isn’t fixed big time you might wanna quit :/” it’s also like, he must’ve trusted them to not wanna just fire him for lack of reverence to his ceo, and we can Juxtapose this with a) the scene that we’re set up to juxtapose it with, wherein a group of axe cappers carefully tell axe he’s being dumb as hell and might fuck all of them over, and axe tells them all to shut the fuck up b/c He Is Their Sun and he can do what he wants and get the fuck out of here, and we can also juxtapose it with b) winston being jumped on immediately in The Interview for ~lack of reverence~ to the potential employer, putting on this cocksure hotshot act (trying to..) and daring to express confidence in himself and be like “i should be interviewing you” / you should be selling to Me lol......jump to 4x11 and winston is caught off guard, he’s not putting on any kind of act, he’s not trying to appeal to anyone, sure mafee might turn it around on his [last we checked, the quant hates himself]ness, but this wasn’t about Winston Lashing Out b/c he’s angry at himself, he’s angry at Them for not valuing him, for what he perceives as them not even *really* giving them the option of the 60% Now approach, which sure seems to be justified seeing as apparently nobody but lauren goes for it and after winston invokes the Peer Pressure / pressure to seem Loyal / Committed by deferring, mafee immediately uses that [social pressure] to crush his dissent........where was i. right like. winston’s truly just Mad At Someone Else this time, he wouldn’t be here if his self-esteem was so low that he was immediately ready to just accept and absorb this treatment, and he Knows that taylor will actually listen to him which is their fuckin Mutual Respect thing and who tf else does that for him all the time, and he knows that taylor doesn’t value their own ego above everything else Unlike Some People, and he knows that he can be honest and get an honest reaction and that their honest reaction to his honesty is not “ugh you’re stupid / annoying / rude / etc,” b/c he’s Not, and that might be everyone else’s idea of him to some degree, but taylor Gets him better than that

and then you don’t quite have taylor being obviously Angry back, but they’re not exactly thrilled, and letting mafee go off on winston / effectively telling him they expect him to consider That the response and in turn respond back to that, can sure be interpreted as an expression of something a little short of pure goodwill and best intentions towards him here lol......again, i lol through the pain.......winston only has further reason to be angry, his Complaints weren’t resolved in the least and he came in all “i feel disrespected” and surely that’s only been doubled down on, b/c this isn’t Just “pay me goddamnit,” it’s really also just about the fundamental respect itself, which he figured that taylor cares about too, and so this would be something he could appeal to / expect them to earnestly.....he feels like none of them are being valued more than this feud with axe cap, he (maybe) feels like said feud is causing the quants’ work to be deprioritized in favor of more elaborate schemes based on “what will screw axe over specifically,” he feels like he’s not being valued as a Very Important Employee, he feels like this False Choice thanks to Social Pressure is insult to injury, like they’re not supposed to get a real chance to question this. boy i’m really just going off talking about any and all aspects of this huh, where’s the Anger Geography core here

well here it is: winston doesn’t ever talk to taylor in any more Filtered way due to them being his boss / him feeling a need to be more careful around them, if anything, they’re the one person he can be Least filtered around, b/c they care about What He Actually Means and aren’t all hung up on whether his communication style seems gratingly weird / wrong / offputting. winston isn’t bringing any particular leverage to this situation, yeah sure he pointed out He’s Valuable but he also did that in the interview with even less leverage and in the basement when he thought he was just working on some weird side project for axe cap in this remote quant dungeon - he’s counting on them to just Listen To Him and care about what he means, same as he always does and like they’ve done thus far. and he’s Temporarily Burned by this, which is tragic, but then 4x12 happens, and who knows if taylor and winston talked between these scenes at all cuz billions sure won’t say at all, but either way winston sure seems to pick up on the fact that taylor is responding to his Complaints here, the implication they were taking a too-axe-esque approach to them now answered by taylor deliberately differentiating themself from axe, and asserting that they Do value their employees and their contributions, and that taylor has this responsibility to them, and maybe Had gone astray there with the revenge jag but aren’t actually interested in that being the core of everything.........winston is Validated and we realize it and he seems to realize it lol, he definitely Was listened to, and he sure wasn’t like fired or anything, he Could Be Angry with them and that wasn’t going to lead to taylor wanting to sever even the Professional relationship or anything like that. sure seems to be no grudge held between them during the “q is for quantitative, babey” scene there lol and yeah it’s billions and shit moves fast / people will roll with A Lot of mistreatment apparently (see: winston also does not seem to harbor any grudge against mafee here lol but who knows) but the Fact Is, here they are, having found A Way Out Of [Anger], after having had this altercation which wouldn’t even have been possible if Winston hadn’t felt it was possible for them to interact like this, for him to be mad and be honest about that anger and the hows and whys of it and for that Not to be a dead end between them or something that could shatter the relationship entirely. and he was Validated!!!!

and guess who i also love to quote and paraphrase lol i also think of mariame kaba talking about interpersonal Conflict being possible Opportunities in a relationship, because working through said conflict can allow the relationship to grow / deepen / strengthen. which sure seems to Hold Hands with this idea: that you can Be Angry with someone because you already know that won’t break the relationship, and that even if you don’t already know that, going through that experience / process of Being Angry with someone and coming out the other side together will show that the relationship can handle that / will have involved gaining tools to be able to handle that going forward. and really like, we’ve seen winston Forgive taylor’s anger at him right off, and that may not be the sweeping heights of love but it came from Understanding (and....low self-es steam probably lol) but no really, he Shows that he understands why they reacted like that by behaving in this way that he figures is more in line with what they actually want, just talking and being direct with no boxes or [wags] or standard boring interview questions or posturing, showing he’s willing to work with them in the “please hire me” and “i’ll try to Behave” ways lol........and taylor is offering their own patience and sympathy and restraint and Understanding and willingness to bend.......things are happening on an emotional plane between them here.

and then after winston chooses to be on board with mase cap, and after he’s worked for them so long that it’s comp time baby, and after these few Sample Interactions we’ve seen in which taylor doesn’t cut winston down or show contempt for him and they continue to directly or indirectly validate him, winston can be Angry with them and taylor can (definitely Sorta) be Angry back, and winston surely even Stayed Angry after that scene in 4x11, and he didn’t quit, and was that [terrible self-esteem actually lol] or was it him believing that there could be a way out of this state of anger between him and taylor? both?? we get to decide!! b/c he’s sure not Validated and Vindicated until later lol.....what does he sit there on that couch alone in that room and Think in those moments...........and then once things Are better resolved, they have this whole [episode of conflict] in their history, and like is the whole Point of all of this, that’s hardly necessarily just some awful and unfortunate thing.......their relationship can survive something like that, and the conflict sure sparked this kind of Genuine Interaction between them which couldn’t have happened if winston just shied away from all this / kept it to himself because he didn’t think taylor would Listen or Care or Understand.

and it’s Not Just About The Money, and even when he expresses that he’s upset about this perceived disrespect / not being valued as an employee, we Know that he’s not someone who’s got this need to feel superior to everybody else / like he’s always Winning, and we know he’s not after Maximum Clout, but he does want to Work With taylor and he evidently wants to feel valued By Them, who does happen to be his boss and does have this avenue to potentially treat any employees unfairly. and we know that winston *knows* in this objective way how good his work is, and both winston and taylor have acknowledged that yeah, His Work / professional quantly ablities have value, so winston Knows he should expect for that to be valued in the form of “your quantributions are important and you’re getting paid to reflect that”........and that he feels like he’s for once not being Allowed Honesty re: everyone supposedly being pressured into deferring is like..........what do he and taylor have if not earnest, open communication b/c they both value and respect what the other Really Has To Say!!!!!! that’s winnie n tay and it’s also tayston.

which, speaking of which, Sidenote: when it comes to tayston hcs we generally have this as a “they’re not currently doing Their Thing at this point anyways, and maybe the fact that that’s been ended (and they Haven’t been talking through this particular conflict yet) is adding to the tension / anger / feeling of not being valued hahaha rip” deal lol, but also if they Were still currently in their fwb/[???]ship like obviously this would spill over and probably require an at-least-temporary halt to give everyone some space seeing as it’d be a little impossible to truly completely Set That Aside in the recent aftermath l o l ......but despite the lingering tension / awkwardness that would be present whenever they Do next meetup [imagine: an I Was On The Phone With You, Sweetheart phonecall prior to 4x12′s scene?? wrow] the layers to that ensuing sex lol......reunion sex? makeup sex? not-hate-sex-but-maybe-still-needing-to-vent-a-lil-Emotional-frustration-maybe sex? maybe all of the above and more

ANYWAYS even i don’t know why this is so long, and also it’s 7am. i definitely think that winston trusted taylor and the Relationship between them to be able to handle Anger (his, for once, lol) and for that Anger to even potentially be something Constructive. and he was right. and in 4x12 he’s there with them at the very end, wearing the tmc logo, standing behind them in the hellhole which is axe cap hq, knowing that taylor is the one person (here, certainly) who definitely Gets and who’s Got him, who’s asserted this loyalty and commitment to him after he’s certainly done that re: them, and once again winston definitely has this Choice to be here with them just like he must’ve had that choice to join up with their fund in the first place, he’s never been trapped with them or forced into alliance with them, and we just Know that he’s not choosing to be here just for Linkedin reasons / what’s best for career advancement and/or for raking it in as best as he can manage and/or for gaining clout and status or whatever, and we sure never see him reaping some kind of deluxe treatment/benefits just for being closely associated with taylor / having their approval. everything we see points to winston caring most about what happens between him and taylor and that he gets to work with them and that he’s here because of that mutual respect and value for each other.

and really, the show also repeatedly tells us that winston Does basically have these world-class abilities and *is* that valuable, and we know that winston Knows how good he is, and he must’ve legitimately had all those offers and known that he’s really good enough that these places Should compete for him. he must’ve known that he has this Potential here and all of these options laid out in front of him, and he takes taylor’s call and shows up in a basement for them and singlehandedly writes an algorithm good enough to found their fund upon and he follows them there when now he’s got this Proof of just how incredible his work is and could’ve leveraged that anywhere else. but his relationship with taylor has always had this personal aspect to it and the fact is that, even with his choice of Paths laid out in front of him, he chose and keeps choosing the geography of winnie n tay. Love. thank you and goodnight

#time to attempt a nap!!!! Them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#winston billions #tayston #nothingunrealistic1

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redandfranticfeelings · 5 years

Text

an autistic analysis, lyric by lyric, of ‘i love play rehearsal’

ive been hyperfixating over bmc for the last month and i keep thinking about how autistic the main characters are and christine is so very very very autistic coded to me. so i decided im just going to straight up deconstruct the lyrics of her signature song in the context of her being autistic (and also having adhd, but my experience is mostly in autism)

this is very very rambley and based more on personal experience than research, so i doubt itll be interesting to anybody but me, but i just want to talk about christine, the autistic queen

I love play rehearsal Because its the best! Because it is fun. I love play rehearsal and I get depressed as soon as its done.

it goes without saying that chrstine’s special interest is theater right? the way she treats it as the “highlight of [her] life” and then switches into this song after acting completely awkward and disinterested in jeremy outside of the context of him being engaged in her special interest.

But not depressed as in like kill yourself depressed No, im not into self-harm Dude, I swear, here check my arm!

overexplaining in a way that reads very much like speaking before she thinks, even though bringing up self harm in casual conversation with someone you barely talk to is not exactly proper etiquette. i think this is also an adhd trait? going faster than your own brain. that’s basically this whole song.

See, I just use the word to emphasise a point, Show the passion I have got I am passionate a lot. I have mad, gigantic feelings, Red and frantic feelings, About most everything Like gun control, like spring,

a lot of people assume autistic people are typically emotionless but it’s also very easy for us to get caught up in emotional issues especially when it comes to stuff we love, and it catches us off guard. christine being hyperempathetic is implied later in the show when she has that awful survivors’ guilt over making fun of rich and jake, and it also plays into her being so socially conscious as well.

Like if I’m living up to all I’m meant to be.

being an high school junior is really rough bc of all the decisions that have to be made regarding college and your future as an independent adult, and being autistic just makes it worse bc it can easily lead to burnout to deal with so much at once, if you even can comprehend these things much at all (i had no idea what to do, lol). i doubted my ability to grow up and succeed constantly because i had no idea who to talk to and what questions to ask and how to present myself. that’s something that a lot of people worry about, but having social delays makes it way more of a pressing issue than it is for neurotypicals, i feel.

I also have a touch of ADD. Where was I? Oh, right!

self explanatory and very canon. adhd and autism can be diagnosed simultaneously nowadays and the symptoms overlap a lot, btw.

I love play rehearsal, Cause’ you are equiped with direction and text, Life is easy in rehearsal, You follow a script so you know what comes next. Anywho the point that I’m getting to is sometimes life can’t work out in the way It works out in the play

this part screams autistic culture to me. unpredictability is scary because social situations don’t always go smoothly like in fiction! this is why social scripting is a popular therapy tactic for autistic children- you have to manually study social situations like a script. theater is something meant to be memorized and recited until you’re able to process it and manufacture emotion, but honestly for autistic kids, life feels a lot like that sometimes. remember how miserable she got when one of her favorite plays had the script changed without her permission to make a whole new story she doesn’t know? of course that’s just upsetting on its own, but in the context of her knowing theater so well and being fully prepared for one story only to be forced to learn a new one? ouch.

christine is never shown as comfortable outside her element- she hides in a book during “more than survive” and shrinks into nothing at the party. it’s a recurring theme that she has no idea exactly who she is, struggles with her identity outside of theater, and despite not really caring about how people see her, she does care about her own ability. socializing makes her feel awkward, especially when something totally unexpected happens like jake or jeremy asking her out. if she doesn’t have a plan or routine or, well, a script, then she can’t trust herself to go forward.

Like the only time I get to be the center of attention, Is when I’m Juliet or Blanche DuBois

as an autistic theater kid, i just really do relate to being clueless and dumb in real life but being able to totally thrive on the stage, because you can channel the energy that is usually misplaced in real life social interactions, and transfer it through dialogue and song and dance that someone else laid out nicely for you.

and can I mention? That was really one of my best roles, Did you see that?

an epic combination of letting your mind wander easily without caring about making sense to the person you’re speaking to, and taking every opportunity to infodump. in a lot of productions she even mimics her blanche voice just for fun. jeremy tries to respond here but she doesn’t care because she’s in her own brain where everything only really seems to make sense to her.

And no matter how hard I try, It’s impossible to narrow down the many reasons why, I love play rehearsal. I happiness cry whenever it starts!

if she isn’t being hyperbolic then this plays into my ‘so much emotion it’s hard to control’ thing detailed a bit above. either way, big special interest mood.

It’s just so universal Getting to try playing so many parts. Most humans do one thing for all of their lives, The thought of that gives me hives! I’ve got so many interests I wanna pursue,

it’s a lot easier to lose yourself and connect to your special interest than focus on your very complex, very overwhelming real life issues. escaping into fiction and being able to play in a variety of social situations as a totally different person, yay theater!

in general i just like the idea of christine struggling to visualize who she is and thinking about a lot of hypothetical but being unable to choose which one is most desirable or plausible. idk if that’s autistic or just a fun character trait lol. i know jumping from interest to interest is an adhd thing though.

this little passage is good for at least showing that christine distinguishes herself from ‘most humans’ in a way that isn’t so much ‘not like other girls’ but like ‘life is so much more confusing to me than it seems to be to others’ (which the show proposes isn’t exactly true and is the same closed-mindedness that jeremy has, though christine realizes it sooner; however; the sentiment rings true in that christine, as a neurodiverse young woman, has a lot more hoops to jump through than a neurotypical classmate.)

And why am I telling this to you? Guess there’s a part of me that wants to.

jeremy is also very autistic coded in my eyes, but that’s a separate post. i just like them being drawn to each other through that sort of kinship. also if you interpret her as having an unrealized requited crush on him…well, i think for a lot of us, romantic love is easy to confuse with friend love, if even that, because the specifics of emotions are a mess to unravel. (which also explains her confusion on her relationship with jake)

oh and right after this, she starts squawking just because she had the impulse to do so. vocal stimming, much?

Back to play rehearsal, My brain is like ‘bzzz’ My heart is like 'wow’

my brain is always like bzzz honestly lol. this is generally a pretty good way to describe being hyperfocused.

Because we’re here at play rehearsal, and it’s starting, We’re starting, It’s starting, Sooo-ooon.

it’s been confirmed as a deliberate decision that christine’s songs never end on a rhyme, except when she’s squipped and it isn’t ‘really’ her, because she subverts everyone’s expectations, including jeremy’s. i feel that could make for a nice simplified metaphor for autism, right?

#christine canigula #autistic headcanons #allistics can reblog!#be more chill #bmc #gif #long post #queue are so busted #i might do something like this for loser geek whatever and/or more than survive #or even just bmc songs in general if i cant get enough material from them individually #be more neurodivergent #kin tag

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everyandanythingimagines · 6 years

Text

New Year’s Day | N.C

Warnings: use of alcohol? (idk if that is a warning), I guess angst

Word Count: 3341

Summary: Based on ‘New Year’s Day’ by T-swizzle :)

A/N: sooo yeah long break but I’ve been writing again... btw not my song, it’s by Taylor Swift. BASICALLY this one is I guess special to me bc it’s somewhat true. ngl I don’t know if I got the interpretation of this song right, but this is how I saw it. Some parts were altered a bit to fit the song better but right when I heard it I just HAD to make it an imagine. also plz request lol thanks for reading hope u enjoy

*not my gif and it somewhat fits idk not really nvm*

SIDE NOTE: There are a lot of time jumps so here is a guide if you are lost... Italics are from New Years Eve, normal is the day after and on, and bold is lyrics. enjoy

There's glitter on the floor after the party

Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby

You woke up on new years day with the biggest smile on your face. Reminiscence of the night before still plays in your mind. You threw a party in your apartment with just a few of your closest friends. Somehow word got out that the oh so popular ‘Peter Kavinsky’ was going to be partying at your place and a whole bunch of girls, that you were 100% sure that they did not like you before this party, showed up. Probably trying to get lucky with him or any of his close friends. The both of you had mutual friends, and over time all of you had become one tight friend group.

Since yesterday was New Years Eve, everyone had been drinking and dancing. It was only 10 pm when everyone had started to party. You remember bits and pieces of that night, but the most important memories weren’t forgotten.

There was noise coming from the room next to you, some people had spent the night at yours due to their lack of ability to walk/drive home. You got up to check who it was and it was only just a few girls carrying their stuff in their hands trying to sneak out. They smile at you and thank you for inviting them, which was funny because some of them weren't.

Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor

You and me from the night before, but

Your friend, Morgan, came up to you as she was leaving, “Happy New Year girl! I thought you would want this!” She says. You look down at her hand and it’s a photo of you and Noah from yesterday. He looked amazing in his jeans and black button-up shirt, his hair was gelled yet slightly messy.

“Thanks!” unable to contain a smile on your face just thinking about the both of you from last night, “Do you wanna stay for a bite? I can make something?” You asked her.

“Yeah sure, I’ll stay and recover a bit more because last night was WOW,” she laughs, “so, you and Noah huh?” you turn to her and she’s wiggling her eyebrows. What happened was amazing, but you didn’t know what was going to happen next. All you thought about was last night and everything but the future between you two.

You had this crush on Noah for a while now, there was non stop texting between the both of you. People kept telling you that maybe the feelings were mutual, but it felt too good to be true. Noah was this amazing actor and you were this ordinary girl who he met through mutual friends. How would a relationship even work if this were to happen?

Don't read the last page

But I stay when it's hard, or it's wrong

Or we're making mistakes

Throughout the whole party, you and Noah were inseparable. Everything you did, he did and everything he did, you did. From playing harmless drinking games to sitting on the sofa cuddling and chatting nonstop. There were definitely glares thrown at the pair, but at your drunken state, you thought it was nothing. When you had become separated from Noah, you saw a few of your friends Victoria, Christina, and Gabby, talking in a corner.

You went up to them to see how they are doing, “Hey guys! What are you up to?” they immediately put on fake smiles. The last bit of ‘sober Y/N’ had thought this was weird, but the ‘drunk Y/N’ didn't think anything of it.

“Oh, just resting from this non-stop dancing! Nice party by the way!” They answer. At some point during this awkward exchange, you saw Vic’s eyes flash to Noah quickly. That’s when it all clicked, Noah had asked Victoria out months ago but she had rejected him because she “wasn’t ready” so why does she care now?

You brush off that thought and continue making your rounds to check if it’s getting too chaotic. As you do this your mind floats back to Victoria and Noah, “Maybe this isn’t okay” you think to yourself, “I didn’t think Vic and Noah were a big deal, maybe they are and this is a mistake” Your eyes find Noah’s, "or maybe not.".

I want your midnights

It was only 10 minutes till midnight, you had gathered everyone to the main area with the projector setup displaying the famous ball drop in New York. Noah had found you dancing with the rest of the group. Everyone partied like nothing else mattered. Dancing, drinking, and capturing moments people probably won’t remember tomorrow, if it wasn’t for cameras.

Time had flown by and the countdown from 30 seconds had started. Your heart was racing, you didn’t know what was going to happen. Sure you and Noah had been talking nonstop but does he really like you? It all comes down to this moment.

Noah’s hand found yours

You look around at your surroundings

But all you see is this beautiful brunette

The both of you is still counting together

Everyone else starts to fade…

Then the music….

He pulls you closer

You smile at him

Both of you start leaning in

1…

You kiss.

“Smile you two!” Morgan says. Noah ends the kiss first, smiling towards the Polaroid camera and you follow.

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

You heard a knock on your door as you were in the middle of looking for some food.

“You get it, I’ll look for something to eat for us,” Morgan said, you smile and thank her. As you walk towards the door you pick up a bunch of empty bottles that were scattered all throughout your apartment.

“Hey! Happy New Year!” You greet, struggling to hold the bottles you had picked up. You look up to meet Noah’s eyes. He looked great considering how much he drank the night before and so did you, but then again you never get hangovers. He chuckles at you struggling and immediately helps you with a few bottles. “Thanks, come on in!” as you invite him in, Morgan sees him and gives you a look. You roll your eyes at her and drop the bottles in the recycling bin.

“Hey! How was your night?” Morgan winks and Noah greets her back. Morgan then looks to you, “ I couldn’t find food I want to eat so I’m going to head out to get us food, Noah do you want anything?” Morgan offers. He replies with a no thank you as he continues helping you clean up the bottles.

“Alright sounds good, I’ll just have what you are having,” You reply to her. She grabs her keys, winks at you and heads out the door. Silence filled the air as you both continued on cleaning. You didn’t know what to say and neither did Noah, he looked troubled, not knowing what to say.

As Noah placed the final bottle in the bin, he turned to you, “Look, Y/N, obviously I need to clear something up here…” Noah trailed off. Your heart was beating a thousand miles per hour, this didn’t sound so good. “You are very pretty, smart, and nice, but I don’t feel for you like as a relationship or anything like that type of thing,” Noah added, your heart dropped and you didn’t know how to reply. Noah continued, “ Yesterday was definitely a mixed signal for you and I feel awful about it…” You wanted to say something but you didn’t know what to say. You felt angry, betrayed, and devastated. So many things were running through your head. How could he do this to you?

You wanted to know what was going through his mind this whole time, it doesn’t make any sense, it wasn’t just last night that he had been flirting with you. The flirting had been going on for about a month now, why the sudden change?

“I have been in the same situation only it was the other way around and it sucked. I’m so sorry for everything I just wanted to let you know before things went too far.” the guilty boy finally finished his speech. You didn’t know what to say, you didn’t want to embarrass yourself.

Eventually, you managed to put words together, “Yeah… I feel like that was just because we were both drunk … And don’t worry about it, you’re a good guy” you finally raise your eyes at him. “ I’m not gonna lie when we first met I was kinda into you, but I like us better as friends. I don’t want things to be weird with us after last night…” you lie, you’re trying hard to keep as much dignity you have left and brush off his confession as if it didn’t affect you. But it had, and you were crushed.

Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you

Your close friends had arrived early to have a fancy dinner before the party had started. Sadly, Noah had a last minute shoot for his upcoming movie. By the time everyone had finished dinner, Noah had finished, he just texted you that he was on his way over. Your friends helped you clean up before people came to avoid anything breaking. Suddenly, the doorbell rang, you ran to the door and opened it. It was Noah, he still had a bit of makeup on from the shoot that you could tell he had tried to rub off.

“I like your makeup!” You laugh at his attempt to take off his makeup.

Noah sheepishly rubs his face. “I can handle this stuff for shoots and stuff, but daily? Dang woman! How do you do this?” He complains to you. You offer him some makeup remover wipes and he gladly accepts. You take him upstairs to your washroom and give him the wipes.

“Do you need help taking it off? Or can you handle that yourself?” You tease him.

“Well I mean if you need an excuse to come closer then okay…” he says in a seductive voice.

“Come on! You could've done better than that!” You laugh at Noah's attempt to flirt with you. You grab the wipes from his hand as he sits on the counter, your body is in between his legs as he rests his hands on your waist. The sound of your heart pounding was loud, you were sure the Noah could hear it over the both of you talking about each others day.

As you finish taking off his makeup, the both of you stare into each other's eyes, your faces slowly inch closer together. “Hey, you two! Come down here before everyone arrives!” you could hear one of your friends shout from outside the washroom. The both of you jump separating yourselves a bit, but still not letting go of each other.

“Maybe we should join them…” Noah trails off as his eyes flicker from yours to your lips.

There’s glitter on the floor after the party

“Thanks for understanding” Noah smiles at you. You look into his eyes and you were confused. You could see guilt and sadness in his eyes, but what made you confused was when you could see a hint of regret. Not like he regretted what you two had experienced, but as if he didn't want to be rejecting you and he regrets doing this, there had to be more than he isn't telling you. He told you that he wanted to end this and that he didn’t want you, so why are his eyes saying something else? The pair stays silent for a while as you process things and cleaning the tabletops to keep you both occupied. “I should get going now…” Noah says as he finishes wiping down the surface of your tables. “I have to video chat my parents later…” he awkwardly shuffles to the door. Noah had always been open with you from the beginning. The second time you guys hung out he told you how hard it was being in a different country as his parents, especially when he had to move away so young. Although he finds it embarrassing that he calls his mom every day, you found it sweet.

“Yeah, no problem. Thanks for stopping by,” you say as you go to open the door. You both exchange goodbyes before you shut the door. Suddenly your vision became blurry from the tears building up in your eyes, you leaned your back against the wall and slid down on the floor. You don’t know how long you were there for, but you were playing every single moment you two had together. How could this happen? It seemed like the feelings you had for each other were mutual, but you were mistaken.

When you recovered from your mini shut down, you look around the room. There was glitter everywhere on the floor and stuck to your body. You felt empty, even though you told Noah you still wanted to be friends, how were you supposed to go back to normal. You didn’t even know what ‘normal’ was for you guys, the majority of the time knowing him it was always flirting. One thing you knew was that you had to clean up and put everything in the past.

The door opened and in came Morgan, “Y/N? Are you okay? What happened?” she asked all worried. When she left you were with Noah all happy, but now you’re not and he’s not here.

Please don't ever become a stranger

Whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

~time skip~

It has been a few months since New Years and you finally recovered. It took you a while to get over Noah, your friends practically had to drag you out of bed so you could go out with them. As the days went on it got easier to not think about the stunning brunette and it felt great. You were more mad than anything. Sadly, you never patched up that friendship with him and got back to the way things were, but you were okay with that. Since the both of you were in the same friend group you still had to see him, at first it was awkward but you both got over it. However, you never had a one on one conversation since that day.

You were currently bowling with a few of your friends having a great time. Everyone was happy now that you were back to normal.

“Okay! Loser buys a round of shots for us at the club later!” Morgan challenges, everyone laughs and agrees. It was girls night and you all were planning on getting wasted with a possibility of meeting an eligible bachelor.

“You guys are going down!” You shout, you walk up to the lane and start prepping. Suddenly you hear a laugh a few lanes down from you, it was pretty crowded and loud but you could never forget one of your favorite laughs. You turn to face where the noise came from, your mind was right, it was Noah.

There were multiple times you saw him after New Years, but this time was different. You saw him with Christina, and it wasn’t just a hangout, his arm was around her plus they clearly were flirting. You pointed them out to your friends and some of them were shooting you looks to see that you’re okay, but others were mad that Noah just practically hit up all the girls in your friend group.

It wasn’t until after Noah told you off that you found out that he had chatted up all your friends, which was disgusting considering that you all were in the same circle of friends. By the time you had found that out about him, you were done with it. You would still deal with being ‘friends’ with him still, he hurt you all and that wasn’t right.

At first, when you found out you didn’t believe it, he was so sweet and caring, how could he do it? But he did. There was still some part of you deep inside that felt for him and seeing him with Christina hurt. She was the last person you would expect to do this, none of you saw it coming. What hurt, even more, was that he promised once that he would take you bowling. One day you sent him a snap of your bowling score and he had challenged you, he didn’t say it would be a date, but you thought it could be one. However, he never took you.

And I will hold on to you

It was nearing the end of the night, you and your close friends were all sat on the sofas laughing about old stories of each other. Noah’s arm was around you leaning on each other, everyone was tired and sobered up. Which made sense since you all started partying at 8. The party had calmed down, mostly everyone went home or to another party spot when they figured out their chance with Noah was basically impossible. As everyone broke into their own conversations, Noah turned to you, “I should go… I had a great time, tonight was unexpected but good,” he smiled as he started to get up.

“Me too! Thanks for coming!” You said. He pulled you into a tight hug like you both were savoring it. The rest of the boys stood up as well saying their goodbyes. You lead them to the door and took one last polaroid before they left.

You smiled at them, you could tell that he was happy, he used to have those eyes whenever you were around. It feels like there should have been more to what has happened, but you will never know. There are some things you will never understand and one of them is the whole truth of what happened between you two. It hurts but you had to let him go, maybe he was the right person at the wrong time or maybe not. All you know is that something felt right between you two to just let him go.

You took a deep breath, “goodbye Noah…” you whispered as threw your ball down the lane. You turn around walking back to your spot, Gabby’s face drops.

“Aw man! Okay, drinks on me tonight!” She yells, “but we’re having a rematch next time!” She challenges. You were confused, you thought were in last behind Gabby, but that was until you looked up at the screen and saw you got a strike. You smile and finish your turn.

“Okay, who is ready to party?” You say as everyone starts getting ready to leave. You walk to the counter returning your shoes then head towards the exit. You pause and hesitate before turning around to get one last look at Noah. Your eyes met his brown ones that had already been on you, both of you had this look in your eyes. Everything that happened between the both of you will live in your memories, and there will definitely always be a place in your heart for him no matter how bad he could hurt you. Whether you had still a future together as friends, you don’t know, but you had to let him go.

So there you both were, staring at each other across the room, it was as if time had stopped. You gave him a slight nod and he returned it. This was it, the ending of you two as a couple, the closure you finally needed.

“Y/N C'mon! We are going to miss all the cute guys!” Morgan said snapping you out of your last moment with Noah. You laugh and ran outside to the car. From that point on, Noah was the last thing on your mind for the rest of the night.

#noah centineo #noah centineo imagine #noah centineo x reader #tatbilb #peter kavinsky #peter kavinsky imagine #noah #sbial #jamey #imagine

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the-captains-on-shore-leave · 6 years

Note

I've seen a lot of tf2 stuff here and I'm wondering if I should get into it? I know OF the game, but that's pretty much it. What's it about? Where do I start?

buddy Y E S. it’s like this weird unlikely ~timeless masterpiece~ that has sooo many different facets to it. it’s silly and ridiculous and saturated with lots of interesting lore and characters, as well as fun and INCREDIBLY versatile gameplay- it can be played like a serious shooter with a serious objective, or it can become a block party where everything’s silly taunts and hats and the points don’t matter and oh boy just wait until you see the halloween events. tf2′s given me some of the best friends i’ve ever had, has gotten me through some of my darkest times, and has just generally brought me so much joy (directly and indirectly) throughout the years, that it will probably be one of my favorite video games for the rest of my life. so YES i highly recommend you give it a shot lol.

AND OK, SO…I ENDED UP WRITING A LOT. LIKE BASICALLY A BRIEF CRASH COURSE ON TF2. but c’mon man you’re asking me about one of my favorite games..i can’t help myself lol. i mean…objectively it’s very short for covering 10+ years of content, riiiight

but foreal it’ll just take a few minutes to read and it will give you some useful insight into tf2, what it is, and everything else you need to start your ✧・ﾟ:* magical *:・ﾟ✧ hat-based journey (btw almost all italics are links jsyk, i know my blog is dumb and doesn’t make that obvious)

TL;DR:gaem is about shoot and silly hat with 9 boyes. is v fun 2 play, start with am watch meet the team videoz on tf yootoob.

And now for a more detailed explanation:

i’ll start by telling you how it began: “team fortress” was the first team fortress series game ever made. this game was a quake mod, made in the mid-90s, not developed by valve, and based in another engine. it got reeeally popular, so, eventually, valve saw it, liked it, and put a ring on it, hiring the team to make a team fortress half-life mod, and later, a standalone version, known as “team fortress classic” (essentially, in regards to modern lore, tf1). valve eventually started developing a standalone sequel to tfc, “team fortress 2: brotherhood of arms.” this game was, stylistically, VERY different from the tf2 we know today- it was a super-realistic military game (kinda like counter strike?). but for some reason (thank you god) they ended up doing a 180 and went for something more cartoony (if they’d gone with that original design, tf2 probably would’ve outdated and died off years ago). this more cartoony style is what you see today.

so now we’ve covered tf2′s history, let’s talk about what it is: team fortress 2 is an online team-based multiplayer first-person shooter game that features a variety of gamemodes. here’s the basic in-game menu layout when you fire it up:

these different gamemodes include a casual mode, a competitive mode, and a player vs bot mode (which is super fuuuunn). here’s what the menu looks like when you click the “find a game” tab:

i’m mostly familiar with casual mode (formally known as “pubs” for “public servers”), which is the main part of the game anyway, so i’ll list what type of objectives you have to choose from in casual mode: (CORE GAME MODES) attack/defense, capture the flag, control points, king of the hill, and payload; (VALVE DIDN’T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE DOING ALTERNATIVE GAME MODES) payload race, mannpower, pass time, and miscellaneous game modes.

but tf2 doesn’t only appear in game form! i remember i was hella confused about what exactly tf2 was for the longest time because of this, so next, let’s break down what it manifests as: a video game, a comic series, and animated shorts (both official and fan-made). source filmmaker (sfm) is the animation program valve developed and uses to animate their shorts. a few years ago, this program was made free to the public, so there have been maaaaany many fan animations and posters made over the years about tf2 using the program. so many, in fact, that valve decided to start holding an annual tf2 film festival, called “the saxxy awards” (”saxxy” coming from “saxton hale,” a dude we’ll touch on ina bit). the festival is an opportunity for animators to showcase their skills, and SO many seriously amazing projects have come out of them. i recommend checking out winglet, uberchain, mag magnet, krunkidile (specifically his “TSA” series), py-bun, and nonamesleft, they are all very skilled animators who are also quite active in the community! there are so many more amazing sfm animators, but my brain is just about fried (it’s almost 4am), so i can’t think of them right now, but keep an ear open for whenever this year’s saxxies roll around and you’ll discover more no problem!

let’s move onto what it’s about: the story takes place in the 1970s, and centers around 9 mercenaries who have been hired to fight in a “war.” the “war” was started by 2 bitch ass rich ass brothers who got their wealthy father to buy an enormous expanse of land in new mexico and move their family there. the brothers hated each other with a petty fury, and their father hated them both because the land they convinced him to buy….was absolutely worthless! so when he died, he gave their family munitions company “mann co.” to his closest aide (barnabus hale), and left them both nothing but that enormous plot of worthless gravel-filled land (hence the name “the gravel wars”) to fight over. and they’ve been fighting over it ever since. the bros got played, but they are so single-minded in their sibling rivalry that they don’t care.

it’s on this land where most of the in-game maps are located. the brothers’ names are redmond mann and blutarch mann (hence the team names red and blu). in-game, you play on either red or blu. on both sides, you can play as any of the 9 mercenaries, scout/soldier/pyro (offense), heavy/demoman/engineer (defense), or sniper/medic/spy (support). it’s never really touched upon in lore how both brothers managed to hire the same mercenaries to fight, and it probably never will be, since it is just an in-game mechanic. but it does still beg the question. in the shorts, it’s shown that they literally fight clones of themselves (like in the game). in the comics, certain mercenaries are shown on blu team, while others are on red. there are a lot of fan theories, but generally it’s just said that “they fight each other” (interpret as you will). the world may never know.

each of the mercs are referred to by their job title (i.e. heavy weapons guy, sniper, medic, etc.), but they have their own real names oc (except maybe pyro). however, we don’t know all their names yet. they each have really unique personalities and skills that have built them to be these memorable characters. which leads me to where you should start:

i would say go to the team fortress youtube channel and just start working your way through the videos. Start with the “meet the ____” videos, cause those will give you a sense of who the 9 mercenaries are personality-wise (and sort of lore- and gameplay-wise, too). on that channel, you’ll also find some shorts that don’t have to do with any particular mercenary. these shorts were made to coincide with the various in-game updates that have happened throughout the years (the most recent short being “jungle inferno,” released just a few months ago).

once you’ve gone through all of that, and if you find you wanna dive deeper into the lore of tf2, you could start reading the tf2 comics. i highly recommend them, they’re all written very well, have a great sense of humor, and have a surprisingly extensive and intriguing storyline. you can find them all here. the comics are broken up into sections: tf comics, update comics, and the saxton series. the saxton series are some silly vintage comic book covers that feat. ya boi saxton hale (current owner of mann co. and grandson of barnabus hale. also i didn’t mention this before but mann co. supplies the gravel war effort. jsyk). the saxton series isn’t really lore relevant. but the update and tf comics are. i highly recommend starting from the bottom of the page and working your way up. pay attention to the date the comic was uploaded (beneath the comic icon and title), and just read them in chronological order from oldest to newest. that way you won’t get confused or not know who’s who, what’s happening, etc. it’ll basically be like you were along for the updates without having to put up with the wait! speaking of which…

currently we’re all on the edge of our seats waiting for the next and final tf2 comic. been waiting for over a year and counting…

the last comic came two years after it’s predecessor, so….let’s just say you’ve got time. and plenty of it.

OKAY SO I THINK THAT JUST ABOUT BRIEFLY TOUCHES ON EVERYTHING U GOTTA KNOW. the rest of the story is lore stuff that you really should read in the comics. it’s worth it, trust me. and you just gotta experience the game for yourself. you can add me if you want (send me your steam profile) and we can play some. i’m always down for a few rounds :)

anyway, i hope this was helpful and not too tedious to get through. most importantly, i hope it encouraged you to get into tf2! it might seem daunting or a lot of stuff to take in at first, but it gets easier once you get a foothold. and you might decide that you don’t really care for the lore, only the game. or vice versa. but however you choose to enjoy it, it’s a great thing to experience, and i hope you choose to. i hope i helped at least a bit!

#asks #tf2 #tf2 crash course

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painfulelegy · 7 years

Photo

A real fun time with @frostlocke, we had an extensive playtime, wherein I had a wonderful time smushing them into the perfect base for a toyfriend~. I can't wait till they're done at the factory perfecting her toyline, then we can have our fun datey playtime~.

Frost had finally arrived at the address listed on their phone. They had recently begun trying out for a new jobs search program put out by major multi-industry corporation, ReesCo, and while most of the jobs seemed bland, one of them truly stuck out: "Play Tester". Its font and page layout was much brighter and sillier than the formatting most of the other jobs listed, and best of it, it was excellent 20 dollars an hour at start… just for playing games! If that wasn’t enough to at least peer into, then nothing was. Finally looking at the place in question, it didn't really seem to him like the facade of a game dev studio, especially with a spurious name like ‘Hoffi's Arena’. He raised an eyebrow, being more than a bit wary... but for $20 an hour, he was willing to ignore his concerns long enough to give this place a chance. Maybe it was worth it. He went up to the door and let himself in, assuming the door was unlocked since that's how a normal business would operate.

Stepping inside gave way to an environment was cool and clear, the small front room modest in style. There were a couple coffee tables littered with light literature, what looked to be comic books and graphic novels; surrounded with plush, yet playful chairs. The rest of the room was fairly neat and tidy, the only real present decoration being the case holding several ostentatiously patterned rubber balls. The desk itself seemed empty, but upon closer inspection, it appeared to be fully automated. Huh, kinda cute, he supposed. Heading up to the desk, he tried to get its attention. "Hello? I'm here for the job listing? It says here you wanted to hire a playtester?"

The automated system played some light music, before suddenly jarring, the large, double sided door to the side busting open. From it sprung a small, very shiny, tan individual, whose presence radiated a manic feeling. "Did I hear that someone's here for the new playtester position~? :]" They asked, eager to see why the system had rung.

Frost was... a bit taken back by them. For starters, they were hurting his eyes, and he adjusted his glasses, tint allowing him to see properly. More importantly... "Did you just... speak an emoticon?" They hadn't spelled out the symbols used, Frost just somehow heard them say... ":]". Furrowing his brow, he adjusted his posture. "Though yes, I was interested in doing an interview for the playtester position. My name is Locke, though most people call me Frost." He held out his hand for a handshake.

Hoffi smiled widely, gripping frost's hand, then yanking them over, using the leverage to flip onto the reception desk. "Yes, I did~. And it's really, really nice to meet you mistah Frost~" Hoffi kicked her legs energetically, hands on the table. "I'm the owner of this place...” she paused for a moment, “well, technically the owner, but close enough~!" She giggled, "You look like a fun person already, and cute too; sooo..." she hung on her words a moment, tapping her finger to her lip, "you're hired!"

"...uh." Frost suddenly had several questions. You aren't going to run a background check? Why aren't there any other employees? Why are you only "technically" the owner? You aren't going to let me know what the job actually entails? Is this actually a business or a front for some drug cartel? Despite all that... one question seemed more important than any other. "I kinda assumed you'd tell me your name?"

"Heheheh, silly me!" the little rubbery enbie giggled before bending backwards into a front flip, landing cleanly on the ground right in front of their applicant. "My name's Hoffi, the namesake of this place, of course!" She said, beaming happily, hands on her hips in a seemingly 'commanding' position; or at least a child's interpretation of it.

"...right. Hoffi, are you the...only person here? There isn't anyone above or below you that I could speak to?" He doubted her title, given her extremely diminutive size, build, and general attitude; but didn't want to call her out directly just in case she actually was the owner.

"Nope, no one else here right now~ Just you, me and the automated systems~" Hoffi giggled, innocent gleam radiating from her face. "I, like, work my best when I have the space to be freeee~!" She said as she twirled once in place. "And I love encouraging that in new prospects as well~!"

That was incredibly suspicious. Very suspicious, to the point where the paycheck was feeling a bit non-worth. Still... it's entirely possible she's just wrong. If he could access the database and do some snooping, he could verify what she was saying. Or at the very least confirm they have a functioning bank account. Frost mulled, before addressing the shiny enbie. "Hmm... mind if I try something?" He looked over the counter. "I'd kinda like to try using the computer manually."

Hoffi looked quizzically at frost before her face adjusted back to an average smile. "Alrighty, but I don't know if you can really do anything with it~." She said teasingly, "It is fully automated, so I don't mess with it~ " She stood aside, letting frost make his way to the computer interface. "Though, why do you want to use it?" she asked inquisitively, having scrambled her way up on the desk again.

Hmm...excuses, excuses... "I bought taffy and I want to see if it got delivered to my house yet." He responded, slightly nervous that his weak response would be insufficient for her.

"ooh, taffy! Go right ahead~!" Hoffi glimmered, watching intently as they went to work on the computer. He was hoping she'd be at least ten feet away, but it seemed like she wasn't looking very closely at the screen anyways; even if she was, she probably wouldn't recognize what he was doing. Pulling out a little USB stick from his sleeve, he carefully slotted it in, activating the program of his own design held within it. In a matter of moments, it begun its task, burrowing under as many locks and firewalls as possible, circumventing the security and giving him access to the information contained within. In effect, it was a much more direct and practical search engine, letting him find... basically whatever he wanted to find. Thankfully, his recent efforts into updating it were enough that even if they had an advanced antivirus, it didn't seem to be able to detect his suspicious activity.

Frost decided to search for the terms "hoffi", "employee", and "profile," seeing if he could pull up Hoffi's employee profile or the profile of any other employees working here. His program’s digging seemed to pull up a good amount of data as it produced a list of employee files were listed for short term contracts, each with a different project under the belt. Something about the names seemed familiar, but not in terms of gaming, however that was no matter for now when they had more important information: facts about hoffi themselves. No major employee profile came up, but rather a list of records noting their permissions and lack of permissions in the facility, and a user denotation of 'Facility Manager' amongst the jargon. Everything else seemed somewhat sparse, as the USB program suddenly seized up, halting as it tried to access external server information, before propping up a notation about the privacy rights of ReesCo industries, LLC on the screen.

Hoffi watched in awe and amazement as they couldn't tell what Frost was really doing, just that it seemed really cool. "Cool~ Now I really wanna play with you, cause that's awesome!" She said, even her relaxed posture not allowing for a relaxed tone.

The short search didn’t give Frost much, but it gave him enough. If he had to guess, Hoffi was a surname and this was the owner's...daughter? And she was given a fake title to keep her amused while actual business was handled elsewhere. Or maybe she was in charge of finding employees or something; but whatever. He was content to humor her until an actual employee showed up. "Yeah okay, I think I'm ready to ‘play’ now. Though, don't I need to sign a contract first?"

Hoffi held for a moment before realizing, and snapping her fingers. "Ah, right! I completely forgot about that. the computer should handle that for you~!" She said, shifting over and pushing frost, before pressing a button, relocking the computer’s interface onto a page that was a form with several fields. "Just put in your application information, and we can get the boring business part over with, and get back to playing~!"

Frost spent roughly 15-20 minutes filling out his information on the form... Full Name, Address, Resume, Bank Account Information, Owned Game Consoles, Cuteness Of Pets, Total Comic Books Owned... Favorite Food... okay was he signing up for identity theft or what? Ugh, whatever, this seemed just as official as the documents he spied on so it was probably legitimate. Maybe these were more concessions to entertain his daughter. All the while, Hoffi continued to kick her legs back and forth and hum as she waited, eagerly watching for the moment he was done.

"Hooray, now we can get to the fun stuff!" She said, flipping off the desk, and swinging around Frost's neck and shoulders, her breasts pressing against his back, not as soft and supple as what one would normally expect, along with an oddly smooth feeling as the arms slid around his exposed neck. Releasing, she flipped in front of him, excitedly moving her arm to direct him to the doors she first came through. "This way~!"

"...you don't really know what personal space is, do ya?" Frost rolled his eyes, following her gesture as he went through the doors with Hoffi clinging much too close to him for his tastes. Hoffi simply stuck out her tongue as she parted slightly from Frost, taking to skipping through the hall. after they were a few feet in, the automated doors shut behind them, leaving the two to move through the oddly spacious corridor, decorated with various pictures of sporting events and equipment, leading to a large pair of doors. the slope of the hall had gotten steeper as they had walked what was clearly much further than the seeming length of the building, hoffi's excited singlemindedness keeping her cheerfully directing him.

Observing all the sports regalia on the wall, Frost remarked. "so... normally when people want to hire a ‘playtester,’ the idea is that they're going to be doing quality assurance on video games." Frost kept himself steady as they were eventually walking down a ramp. "Can't help but notice that there doesn't seem to be any game development stuff at all. What exactly am I playtesting?"

Hoffi giggled, "I'll show you," she said excitedly, their presence at the second large door triggering its opening. As the opening widened, the lights inside propped on one by one, revealing a large gymnasium court, seemingly similar to any one you'd find elsewhere, though small glimmers about it seemed different between them.

Frost looked around, a bit disappointed. "All that hype for a high school gymnasium? Okay, I guess. Not exactly good at any sports though, so..."

Hoffi cut him off, "That's fine, I'm sure you'll get the hang of it soon enough~! " and gave him a shove, well past the door frame. Following suit, she continued her acrobatic tricks into the room, the doors shutting behind them. Finally inside, the plethora of fancier devices, monitors and speakers were clear. This may have had the aesthetic of a plain old gym, but it was clearly far more than state of the art. "Welcome to the playroom~!" Hoffi giggled, arms held out in the air. "So, what do you think~?"

"...I feel like you expect me to be a lot more wow'd than I am." Frost casually strode around, trying to get a better look at one of the devices. "Like, it's cool and all, but your constant pauses make it seem like you're expecting me to be picking my jaw up off the floor." Frost was... being a bit of a downer, but he was once again doubting his pay considering athleticism was never brought up before now.

Hoffi slumped for a moment, disappointed in it, before snapping back to her cheerful self. "Aww, that's a shame, but I guess that means we can go right to playing~!" She took to an excited stance once more. Frost sighed, looking down at his outfit. A hoodie and jeans weren't exactly exercise gear. Then again... asking for gym clothes felt like an obvious trap, so he decided to keep his mouth shut and wait for Hoffi to start a game. Mulling for a moment, Frost lost sight of Hoffi, before suddenly…

WHAP! a sharp sting suddenly struck him in the back of the head, throwing him off balance. Frost very quickly found himself face-first in the linoleum, knocked so swiftly to the ground his feet had flipped up above him before he flopped down onto the floor. "...OW." Frost struggled, trying to look over his shoulder to see what happened.

Hoffi stood several feet away, her left hand raising to shoulder level. "You're not very good at this, but that's why we're playtesting~!" She giggled at her own joke, "now then, we start for reals~!" In an instant, she flicked her wrist, a green sphere conjuring within it. With a hard rotation of her arm, the ball soared through the air, flying right at Frost!

“Woah!” Frost scrambled to his feet, doing his best to leap out of the way. "Wh… don't I need to know the rules to be able to playtest??" Hoffi was winding up her next throw, before stopping stiff. Returning to a standing position, she tapped her finger on her mouth.

"Oh, right! The rules are simple. I throw these balls, you try to dodge them. The longer you dodge, the better you do. That's how we playtest..." she paused for a moment, before resuming her wild throw, doing a spinning flip. "...YOU!"

"...WHAT?" Frost leapt out of the way of another throw. "Why am I being tested?! That's not how a job works, and that's not how… okay this isn't even a real fucking company, is it?" Urgh... Frost was too agitated to properly finish his retort, instead reaching up his sleeves to activate some gadgets. Small thrusters to make large precise leaps, stabilizers to be able to change trajectory in midair, and he tweaked his glasses to try and start predicting how Hoffi's balls would arc. Dammit... maybe if he could get to the doors, he could escape?

"Because, you're the newest toy... and my newest playmate!" Hoffi giggled, deftly jumping backwards, conjuring and tossing more rubber spheres at moderately fast speeds. "It's no good if my fellow toys aren't as fun as I am! Hihihihihhi~ " She continued to beam that innocent feeling even with her suddenly intimidating aura, each shot flying hard. Frost managed to dodge them fairly easily with his attachments, but only because he was keeping his distance. He was no closer to getting past her to the door, so... taking a risk, he tried to leap past her, hugging the right wall as he did so.

"You're really slippery and speedy aren't you?" Hoffi, conjured an orb as frost sped by, "I like that, it means you'll be extra fun~!" Just as Frost slipped past the rubbery toy, her figure twisted at the torso, the sphere suddenly flying back in the exact opposite direction she was facing, striking him square in the back, setting him off course. The heavy impact stung like crazy, though in its wake, it left an oddly positive sensation and a feeling of cold air touching his back, as if the spot was bare. "YEAH, DIRECT HIT!" Hoffi cheered, her jump letting her form realign properly.

Frost tumbled along the wall, skidding to a halt as he tried to clutch at his back. "Did you... paint me with something?" Urgh, now he kinda wished he sprung for the rearview mirror. He can't know how to react if he doesn't even know what she's doing. But whatever, he was at least on the same side as the door! Kicking off the wall, he tried to leap towards the door while facing Hoffi, doing his best not to get hit before reaching them.

"Like I said, you gotta dodge the balls, or else I'll help you dodge them~" Hoffi giggled further, lobbing a couple more shots towards Frost. With Hoffi's rapid fire, Frost once again found himself unable to advance, too busy dodging to move forward. On top of that, he no longer had an angle to advance with since he was effectively cornered. Hrm... she wasn't that smart, so maybe... he decided to leap back the way he came, circling clockwise around her. Hopefully, she would be so focused on chasing him that he could reach the door unopposed… even if this path was excessively long, with plenty of room to slip up.

"Heheh, I'm gonna getcha~!" She giggled more intensely, seemingly more aggressive than before, beginning to fire her shots in a blind fire. Her slew of shots continued to fire towards him, toughening his trail, until he reached the right side, her shots stopping as she seemed to stand in confusion. "Hey, where did you go? That's great trick~!"

FrostLock-Yesterday at 6:56 PM

...that… was actually significantly more effective than he thought. Wow, she really was dense. Anyway, frost stopped mulling as he looked at the door and found it to be much sturdier than he had supposed before. He could test the lock, but he found himself no longer respecting this place's property value. Pulling out some diamond-shaped devices, he slapped three of them in a pattern on the doors and triggered them, leaping back as they exploded!

"Oh, there you are!" she said, her head twisting around entirely, to see the explosion "Hey- you're supposed to be playing with me, not the place! :T" She huffed, her springy body slinging back once more, flinging another sphere right into his shoulder. The impact was hard and intense once more, as it spun him around and back, away from his target. The stinging was once again accompanied by that odd sensation... what was it about it that felt so appealing, and why did his shoulder now feel bare like the spot on his back? "You play with me, silly~"

"Wha...the hell?" Frost rubbed his shoulder, feeling...a bit soothed? What was on his shoulder?? He was a bit too distracted by that to notice how his bomb thing went, or what Hoffi was doing.

"Come on now, you can't stop already~" Hoffi slowly approached, conjuring another ball. "Unless you want me to speed things up for you~ then that sounds okay to me~!" Hoffi giggled, lobbing yet another sphere at him. Frost was legitimately too distracted by his shoulder to properly react in time, getting beaned square in the head by Hoffi's pitch as he stumbled backwards.

"hahah, another direct hit, SCORE~!" Hoffi begun to dance happily, seemingly distracted by the nice, clean hit. Frost, on the other end could feel the stinging sensation across his face. An impact that tough would normally lead to swelling, but the shape that was present still seemed apt... though once again that strange feeling was there, strong enough to realize what it was: pleasure. A shudder rand down his spine from the chill of the good feeling, and the strange numbness in his face from the spot, and the others, seemingly wider.

This was...more than a little weird. Why did this feel good? He was trying to escape, and getting hit with her balls hurt. He didn't... why was his mind suddenly so cluttered? He rubbed the numbness on his face, finding it oddly enjoyable to do so. "Look... you're clearly doing something to me... can you just explain to me what it is?" Frost's question was a lot more exhausted than accusatory, not being able to muster up the strength for another period of shouting quite yet.

Hoffi giggled, "You're cool, and fun! …a lot more fun than most of the others who have shown up here before, they were easy play." Hoffi continued to approach frost, gesturing. "But you, you'd make a great toy, just like me~" She said pointing to herself proudly. "No one's lasted this long, after all~. But enough talk, it's time to keep on playing!" Hoffi giggled, conjuring her two spheres while close, holding a readied stance.

"Yeah, I'm kinda not interested in becoming someone's toy." Frost retorted as got ready once more, trying to muster up the energy to get around her… though he was having a bit of trouble remembering where he was getting around too. He was also feeling a bit sluggish, for whatever reason... was she weighing him down? Or was he just fed up? Letting his thrusters do the work, he launched himself high in the air, hoping Hoffi didn't know how to account for arcing shots with her throws.

"Ahh, there it is~ I like that a lot~!" Hoffi giggled, tossing her spheres into the air. Unfortunately, all of them fell short, hitting the walls just behind him at high speeds. Huh. A lot of Frost's strategizing had a lot of minor backup options and backup-backup options planned out in his head, as he assumed Hoffi would be able to keep up and make it very difficult for him. But... he was actually outsmarting her fairly consistently. It was... getting a bit hard to be enraged at her when it was so easy for him to gain the upper hand, it was almost endearing. Holding onto a light fixture for stability, he just stood in the air as he looked down at her. He… almost felt like taunting her, but if he upset her that might give her the strength to actually hit him.

Hoffi stood, huffing lightly, looking for their fellow toy to be. "I wonder where you are? She said, looking around, before finally looking up." Ahh, there you are, I got you~!" She said, confusing frost. she had not thrown any spheres, but in an instant, the two she had thrown before bounced and banked, striking him right in the thigh and arm, the intense pain coursing through, leaving him with that intense pleasure once more. It felt so nice, so warm, it even seemed to pull in that heavy stinging into a pleasurable tenor, the cold air feeling crisp on their seemingly tougher thigh and arm, as well as even more of the space on their back, shoulder and face. "Gotcha~! "

"Mmmrrrghhh!!" Frost trembled, awash with conflicting emotions. He let go of the light fixture, feeling another desire to rub his thigh and arm as he took a good look. Were they different? They definitely felt different, he could say that definitively. He idly drifted through the air as he focused on his sensations, once again ignoring Hoffi.

"Heheheh, like a nice target dummy~" Hoffi giggled, tossing a pair, one hitting his leg directly, the other banking off the wall to smack him in the back of the head once more. The two continued with the same overtaking coating, the one to the back of the head suddenly kick starting a shift in the face, seemingly pushing it into a wide smile as its default position, while seemingly locking his hair into a stiffer, and more solid, shape. The other, striking the ankle of the other leg, coated and smoothed the whole of the leg in one fell swoop, leaving it with that odd sensation, his booster disappearing into the smoothed void, disrupting his balance amidst the growing feelings of enjoyment.

"Whu....woah woah woah!!" Frost flailed, smiling for no clear reason as he begun to spin out and fall to earth. This was exhilarating and terrifying and stupid and felt good and… urgh, thinking about this was hard. He was already having trouble remembering what he was doing in the first place, but now he had to put that aside and try not to fall. He was able to swerve and gain height still, but it was more like a kite following the whims of an unknown breeze than actual flight. His movement was sporadic, but not particularly fast and made for a much more interesting target.

"And now, for the coup de grace~ <3" Hoffi smirked, spawning several arms from her form, each one conjuring its own ball. In a deft display, they shot one by one, each shot beaning its target clean, each shot more intense than the last, until the final one struck the last of the thrusters smoothing the whole of them down, causing the now smooth and rubbery figure to fall to the ground. The hard impact with the ground filled up those intense feelings, as Frost did not splat, but bounce cleanly off the ground.

Frost found herself bouncing up in a way that caused her to gently land on her feet, suddenly standing at attention. What the...what was going on?? Way too much was swirling around in her head, and she could barely even comprehend the multi-arm technique Hoffi just pulled off because she was still struggling to process that her thrusters were vanishing. Plus her entire body felt good. Why was it like that?? Why was she on the floor and not in the sky?? Why was... UGH! She just stood there, pressing her arms to her sides as she idled and tried to think through her confusion, though with the smile on her face, her emotion was a bit hard to read.

"Heheh, now you look like an athlete~ " Hoffi giggled, looking over the at attention figure. Their form was smoothed over, once clothing little more than decals now, seemingly shifted to have a much sportier look. Their hair heavily sculpted, though their form was still roughly the same. "Though, clearly you want more play, don't you, hmm~?" Hoffi teased, running her finger up the new recruit's back. Frosts spine chilled lightly, making her feel more aware to her odd, far too masculine, shape for a toy. "We gotta hammer out those kinks, after alll, teeheheheh~"

"Uh...is that right? I thought I was....trying to... door, and... playtesting, I...flying?" Frost's mind was lagging behind her body, doing her best to try and think critically about this and only managing to construct half a sentence. "This...isn't, uh... its nice, but...should I...uh?" Hrm... despite her happy appearance, she seemed glum.

"Heheh, you're disoriented, cause this is your first time playing... and that figure isn't helping either," Hoffi smirks, conjuring a sphere in hand. "But now it's time to get back to playing, then you'll feel better~! As for round two, we'll be playing..." With a snap of her fingers, the greenish ball turned a dark black, its shine intense. "Hardball~ "

"...uh, wait, no, I..." Frost backed off a bit. Despite her massive confusion as her brain tied itself in knots, she was at least able to remember that she didn't want to be hit. Why... she kinda forgot, didn't it feel good? Or did...guuuh, thinking about this was making her head hurt! Okay, she wanted to not get hit, end of discussion. She remembered thinking that a lot so she was gonna keep thinking it so she could focus on thinking about...lamps? Why was she... Hoffi watched as her new toy vaguely stumbled backward, clearly suffering from some sort of dizziness but unable to tell what due to her static face and broken speech. She was completely unfazed by the strange actions of her fellow toy, instead opting to help fix the situation.

"Heheh, ready or not, here I start~!" Hoffi threw the dark ball, its high-speed flying towards the rubberfrost, far faster than any of the previous shots were. Frost was struck square in the face with enough force to launch her backwards, skidding and bouncing as she tumbled along the ground and eventually hit the wall. Huh, she was supposed to be bouncy, but she retained a surprising amount of momentum. Maybe cuz of her stabilizers or whatever the hell. The impact in the face still stung, but mostly it made her far more giggly happy, such a good feeling~ With it, it seemed to bring an odd deformation of the face, before it popped back out, feeling, rounder, fuller; as if it's structure had been simplified. It was hard to tell, but it seemed to feel right, especially with the feeling of strong lashes and more prominent lips accentuating that wide smile.

“Heh...hehehe...” why was Frost laughing? Why was she over here now? Why did her face feel nice? Why was Hoffi picking up a ball? Why wasn't she standing? Why... ugh, too many whys. She was starting to hate whys, they felt important but they were making her head hurt. It was a lot easier to just decide, like when she decided she was gonna dodge things. Okay, she was just gonna decide again. She was over here because she... jumped here! Yep, that's it. No other questions, she was just gonna roll with that for now. She hopped up to her feet, giggling a bit absentmindedly. She still had a lot of whys in her head about other things, but she found it easy to focus on two decides: she wanted to dodge, and she could jump!

"Heheheh~, let's go, Frosty~ That's the spirit!" Hoffi said cheeringly, before conjuring two more orbs, then tossed in sequence flying right towards her vicinity! Uh, woah! Frost leapt out of the way almost on instinct, managing to avoid them well. Woah, she did great! She was kinda too distracted by her performance to realize she was idly bouncing along her trajectory instead of stopping. Man, if this was gonna be that easy, maybe she'd have the time to figure out her whys.

Hoffi huffed lightly in glee now that her target was being much more competitive, but with that slow bounding arc, it didn't take much to aim for the toy's gut. In a single deft shot, her relatively flat stomach was beaned directly, it reflexively pushing in, the lost mass shifting up and down into her hips and thighs, sliding the figure about. “Hehehe...” Frost collided with the wall, focusing enough on her pleasurable hurty sensations to forget some of her whys. She couldn't remember that she forgot them, as she was too busy remembering the whys she still remembered and trying to understand them. Why was she here? Why did she want profiles? Why did she leave her USB stick upstairs? Why did...oh! She could see Hoffi readying another attack and leapt away before Hoffi even threw it.

The next couple of shots flew right behind Frist, the toy deftly dodging them super easily. "now you're getting there~ and that means I'm gonna have to ramp it up~!" Hoffi giggled, this time throwing several shots about, none of them aiming for her target at all, while she stood smugly watching, readying her next set of balls. Oooh, she knew this! She could predict where her shots were gonna go and dodge in the opposite direction! Clearly she was gonna throw where she was currently leaping, so she pivoted on her heel and leapt the other direction! However, since Hoffi wasn't actually trying to hit her, Frost dove directly into a hardball as her face collided with it, flipping over as she tumbled past it. Ugh... maybe that wasn't a good think time...

The pleasurable strike filled her with glee as her rounded face popped back to normal, but not before reflexively volumizing the sculpted piece that was her hair. of course, her skid to the ground did little to prevent her from being smacked by the return bounces of the other two balls. the strikes to the arms pushed them out from under her, as they seemed to lean out and readjust, the seams for gadgets becoming more evident, her chest expanding once more. "Heheheh, each hit's making you look better and better~!" Hoffi shouted, cheering on the toy.

Frost was engrossed in thought, thinking about why she thought so much. She was doing all this thinky stuff and Hoffi wasn't thinking at all! Sure, she tricked Hoffi a few times, but Hoffi was never really losing. She was just... not winning sometimes. Meanwhile, she was so busy not doing much that she was tumbling about all of the ricocheting hardballs, letting herself be struck with various bursts of pleasure as she giggled mindlessly and let each firm strike knock a few thoughts out of her. This seemed way better than caring about whys! So... she decided not to. Why? Cuz balls. Any time she had a why she'd just let herself be beaned and immediately drop the subject. She let herself get battered around some more as all of her whys were knocked away, getting more into it as she started to strategically bump into the hard balls, adjusting her hip or flailing her arm to keep the momentum of the hardballs going. Hoffi stood back, watching as Frost somehow managed to turn her gym into a weird pop-o-matic chamber.

Hoffi couldn't help but be stunned in joy as her fellow toy willingly pushed all the balls into herself, each impact hitting a new spot, pushing and reshaping her form; expanding her arms, tapering her feet, widening her hips and breasts slightly, her voluminous, yet sculpted hair quite pretty. She couldn't help but love the look of the excited, airheaded doll, her 6 foot figure wild yet still probable. She only needed one more thing...

"Ready or not, here I come~!" With a leap, hoffi bounded up into the air, positioning herself just above Frost, before falling straight down, impacting her square on the top of her head. The enbie toy's pliable bottom was still as hard as any of those dodgeballs, feeling the compacting force pushing her straight down, adjusting that vertical mass outwards, improving the expansion of those toyish droney hands and widening her figure further. Hoffi's force ended when she cleared about one foot of distance down, sliding off the dazed doll. "Tadaaa~!"

Frost stood there for a moment, almost as if she was processing something... before she just fell back, laughing a bit harder than just some giggling. "Hehehehehe! Like... balls are pretty neat!" A pretty...dry observation, but one which was probably intended to be profound. Her boobs wobbled around from the impact, staying in motion for a surprisingly long time as she laughed. "Like... do I get paid now?" ...somehow of all the things from her original identity to retain, money was one of them.

"Of course you will~ You're gonna get plenty of royalties once they make the toyline for you. And that means you'll get a BUNCH of new accessories, and maybe a cute new outfit~" Hoffi giggled, gripping and hugging the toy girl, a few of the internal gadgets activating, propping out of the seams on her form. "Oooh, and you even have your own tricks, too~ We should totally work with that, too...~" Hoffi giggled trailing off, gripping and pulling you to the back, ready to head off and get dressed up with a new style, ready to have lots of fun with her new toyfriend~.

The toyfriend giggled to herself, finding that answer surprisingly satisfying as she let Hoffi near-literally drag her around. She was being paid to let someone else do the thinking for her? That seemed like a completely perfect setup! Without a good reason to protest, she was content with whatever ideas Hoffi suggested, such as having her mold reworked further for mass market appeal, rebranding to give her a cuter name, maybe some further personality adjustments just to be safe... well at that point she kinda didn't have enough brain cells to cobble together to think about that herself. She was mostly inert... but whenever Hoffi pulled out a ball, she suddenly fixated it and sprung to life, getting ready to use whatever she could in order to dodge it perfectly, like any Toyfriend would~!

#tg #transformation #rubber #hoffi draws

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hisruin · 7 years

Text

#IT #ITMovie #ITMovie2017 #Pennywise #PennywiseTheClown #PennywiseTheDancingClown

*SPOILERS*

This is one of my 3 favorite Stephen King books. One I've read more than once. So I'm getting really annoyed by people who keep saying they loved the book and thought the new movie was perfect.

I happened to really enjoy the movie. I really like when different movies are made from a book because no two people ever really read the same book. So I like to see what other people 'read' I guess.

There was just two things they really missed the mark for me and I can't understand why other people who say they loved the book are willing to overlook:

1) Where was the rain? Yes, there was rain in the scenes with Georgie but not much anywhere else. It rained so much in the book it was like another character. There was epic and historical flooding going on at the time of the killing. I got super excited when I saw the sawhorses that said DPW only to never see them again in the movie.

(Funny thing to note, the theater we saw it/IT in obviously had water damage because it had that old wet towel smell. I got really excited at first and thought "Smell O Vision"!)

2) But honestly, I knew right after the sawhorses that this movie missed the mark with Pennywise. If you read the book you'd know that when IT is in Pennywise form (And ITs not really in the Pennywise disguise as often as in the miniseries and movie.) he (she) isn't really that scary. Pennywise is ITs 'Resting Bitch Face'. The form IT takes to kinda be 'welcoming'. Kids wanna approach Pennywise. Like an Anglerfish, using the Pennywise disguise as its lure. You wanna go float with him. When IT is scary, IT takes on the image of the person's greatest fear. That's supposed to be what's frightening. This happy welcoming character that can suddenly know your greatest fears.

I explained it to Cash like this: "IT's kinda like Monsters Inc cause it gets its power from scaring kids. So IT acts like a Boggart from Harry Potter and turns into what scares you most"

Basically, if you are a "big fan" of the book and say the movie was perfect, I really wonder what book you were reading.

Aside from those two (kinda HUGE in my opinion) issues:

• Pennywise's costume was AWESOME! I thought it would have definitely been far more time period correct too. Like that is what the original "Pennywise The Dancing Clown" wore that IT started imitating. Tim Curry's costume always gave me a "Pogo The Clown" kinda vibe. Never really thought it was the right 'fit'. This one was perfect for the historical accuracy geek that I am.

And this Pennywise was very good at being very scary. Without a doubt. My issue is with the fact he wasn't good at NOT being scary.

I was also disappointed after reading how Skarsgård trained with a contortionist just for this part, that it still ended up with so much CGI.

Also read comparisons of Skarsgård to Ledger's Joker... Uh, no. Just no. The Joker is an ever evolving character that has been written by many people over the years. Definitely subject to interpretation. Pennywise is a King character who is written by King. Less room for interpretation.

I'm gonna say the way Pennywise was written in the Miniseries was a better blending of friendly/scary.

• The Losers Club was sooooooo amazing!!!

• Bev. Was. Perfection.

And not just for the book either (LOVED that she smoked and was kinda a 'bad kid' like in the book. Thought she was made lame in the miniseries.) but for the time period too. Being a nine year old tomboy in 1989, the bike shorts under her dress was like icing on the cake for me! All her rings and bracelets too!

Just. Perfect.

• Loved that Eddie was more filled out in this version. He was Bill's best friend and I love that he got to have more personality in this.

(But I feel a little cheated that I didn't get to see Seth Green have those lines as Beep Beep Richie though. Still argue that Seth Green could have played young Richie again! Dude doesn't seem to age and can't be much taller now.)

• Loved the posters in the rooms. Especially the New Kids being on the BACK of the door. My mom didn't let me decorate my own room till I was around thirteen, so if I wanted to hang up posters, I had to do it in the closet or on the back of my bedroom door. So that felt so authentic to me.

• My only real disappointment with The Losers Club was how Mike became an 'add on’ character. Yes, he was last to join the group but he had a much bigger part than this movie showed.

• And did anyone else hope they would get to use fireworks during the Apocalyptic Rockfight this time?

• Love that they kept 'Sliver' the same!!

• Bowers was sooo perfect!! Loved that they included more of his storyline! (I was hoping for more of Hockstetter's too and thought Pennywise coming out of the refrigerator was a nod to that.) And I was cool with his father's story being changed up. (Even though they easily could have made him a 'shellshock' Nam vet.)

• Wasn't bothered that the 'weapon' was changed again. I think in the book, Bill brought a gun the first time at the Neibolt house and they used the slingshot in the final battles in the miniseries. So I didn't mind the change in this movie since the real "fighting" in the book was all done by telepathy anyways.

• Really like the take on "They All Float Down Here". Thought that was really good and more direct than "dead bodies float and once you're dead your body will float too" insinuation from the book. I wonder if that's why they left out the rain? Since the kids bodies wouldn't need to be found 'floating up' to the surface? (Still, the rain and flooding was a huge part of both final battles.)

• Liked that it hinted to them never really seeing each other as much again after that summer.

• That is just what I thought the outside of the Neibolt house would look like! That's what the yard Bill and Richie ran across looked like in my mind when I read the book!

• Hope the Ritual of Chüd is in the next movie. (Like in a flashback) It would be an awesome way to kinda tie all of the movies made from King books together.

• While I loved the 80s/90s references, I think I Stranger Things really spoiled me when it came to the level of detail I look for. No joke, I was checking out stuff on the store shelves to see 80s packaging and products and was disappointed I didn't see anything jump out.

I think Stranger Things will still go down as the perfect example of how to be inspired by Stephen King without being damaging to the original stories and characters.

And I still would have loved seeing a Duffer Brothers IT. Legend is they wanted to do a IT movie but was turned down and ending up doing Stranger Things instead.

Definitely like the movie. Think you can like both the book and the movie. Just don't think the movie was 'perfect'.

#IT #IT Movie #IT Movie 2017 #SPOILERS #Stranger Things #The Losers Club #Losers Club #Pennywise #Pennywise The Clown #Pennywise The Dancing Clown #Stephen King #Duffer Brothers

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sociopathic-killer · 7 years

Text

Dylan Klebold’s journal.

Ah yes, this is me writing . . . just writing, nobody technically did anything, just I felt like throwing out my thoughts — this is a weird time, weird life, weird existence. As I sit here (partially drunk with a screwdriver) I think a lot. Think .. . think . . . that’s all my life is, just shitloads of thinking . . . all the time . . . my mind never stops . . . music runs 24/7 (except for sleep), just songs I hear, not necessarily good or bad, & thinking . . . about the asshole in gym class, how he worries me, about driving, & my family, about friends & doings with them, about girls I know (mainly & ) how I know I can never have them, yet I can still dream . .. I do shit to supposedly ‘cleanse’ myself in a spiritual, moral sort of way (deleting the wads1 on my computer, not getting drunk for periods of time, trying not to ridicule/make fun of people ( ) at school), yet it does nothing to help my life morally. My existence is shit to me — how I feel that I am in eternal suffering, in infinite directions in infinite realities. Yet these realities are fake — artificial, induced [?] by thought, how everything connects, yet its all so far apart.... & I sit & think ... science is the way to find solutions to everything, right? I still think that, yet I see different views of shit now — like the mind — yet if the mind is viewed scientifically . .. hmm I dwell in the past . .. thinking of good & bad memories A lot on the past though . . . I’ve always had a thing for the past — how it reacts to the present & the future — or rather vice versa. I wonder how/when I got so fucked up w my mind, existence, problem — when Dylan Benet2 Klebold got covered up by this entity containing Dylan’s body ... as I see the people at school — some good, some bad — I see how different I am (aren’t we all you’ll say) yet I’m on such a greater scale of difference than everyone else (as far as I know, or guess). I see jocks having fun, friends, women, LIVEZ. Or rather shallow existences compared to mine (maybe) like ignorance = bliss. They don’t know beyond this world (how I do in my mind or in reality or in this existence) yet we each are lacking something that the other possesses — I lack the true human nature that Dylan owned & they lack the overdeveloped mind/imagination/knowledge too [?]. I don’t fit in here thinking of suicide gives me hope, that I’ll be in my place wherever I go after this life ... that I’ll finally not be at war with myself, the world, the universe — my mind, body, everywhere, everything at PEACE in me — my soul (existence). & the routine is still monotonous, go to school, be scared & nervous, hoping that people can accept me ... that I can accept them ... the NIN song Piggy is good for thought writing ... The Lost Highway3 sounds like a movie about me . .. I’m gonna write later, bye

Yo . . . whassup . . . heheheheh . . . know what’s weird? Everyone knows everyone. I swear — like I’m an outcast, & everyone is conspiring against me ... Check it ... (this isn’t good, but I need to write, so here. .. . Within the known limits of time . . . within the conceived boundaries of space . . . the average human thinks those are the settings of existence . . . yet the ponderer, the outcast, the believer, helps out the human. “Think not of 2 dimensions,” says the ponderer, “but of 3, as your world is conceived of 3 dimensions, so is mine. While you explore the immediate physical boundaries of your body, you see in your 3 dimensions — L, W, & H, yet I, who is more mentally open to anything, see my 3 dimensions. My realm of thought — Time, Space, & THOUGHT. Thought is the most powerful thing that exists — anything conceivable can be produced, anything & everything is possible, even in your physical world.” After this so called “lecture” the common man feels confused, empty, & unaware. Yet those are the best emotions of a ponderer. The real difference is, a true ponderer will explore these emotions & what caused them. Another .. . a dream. Miles & miles of never ending grass, like a wheat. A farm, sunshine, a happy feeling in the presence, Absolutely nothing wrong, nothing ever is, contrary 180 [degrees] to normal life. No awareness, just pure bliss, unexplainable bliss, The only challenges are no challenge, & then. .. . BAM!!! realization sets in, the world is the greatest punishment. Life. Hypnosis place — It is a sky — with one large cloud, & sort of a cloud-made chair — the sun is at the head of the chair .. . 10 o’clock up into the sky .. . Below, I sometimes see mist, & the green (forest green) earth — sorta a city, yet I hear nothing. I relax on this chair — actually like a chaise — & I am talking . . . to what? I don’t know — it’s just there, I have the feeling that I know him, even though I consciously don’t . . . & we talk like we are the same person — like he’s my soul... . The everlasting contrast.... Dark. Light. God. Lucifer. Heaven. Hell. GOOD. BAD. Yes, the ever-lasting contrast. Since existence has known the ‘fight’ between good & evil has continued. Obviously, this fight can never end. Good things turn bad, bad things become good, the ‘people’ on the earth see it as a battle they can win. HA fuckin morons. If people looked at History, they would see what happens. I think, too much, I understand, I am GOD compared to some of those un-existable brainless zombies. Yet, the actions of them interest me, like a kid with a new toy. Another contrast, more of a paradox, actually, like the advanced go for the undevelopeds realm, while some of the morons become everything dwellers — but exceptions to every rule, & this is a BIG exception — most morons never change, they never decide to live in the ‘everything’ frame of mind!

It is not good for me right now (like it ever is) . . . but anyway . . . My best friend6 ever: the friend who shared, experimented, laughed, took chances with & appreciated me more than any friend ever did has been ordained ... “passed on” ... in my book. Ever since 7 (who I wouldn’t mind killing) has loved him ... that’s the only place he’s been with her ... if anyone had any idea how sad I am ... I mean we were the TEAM. When him & I first were friends, well I finally found someone who was like me: who appreciated me & shared very common interests. Ever since 7th grade, I’ve felt lonely ... when came around, I finally felt happiness (sometimes) we did cigars, drinking, sabotage to houses, EVERYTHING for the first time together & now that he’s “moved on” I feel so lonely, without a friend. Oh well, maybe he’ll come around → ... I hope. That’s all — for this topic — maybe I’ll never see this again.8 ô = — — = ô <<–VoDKA–>> My 1st Love???? OH my God ... I am almost sure I am in love ... with .9 Hehehe ... such a strange name, like mine ... yet everything about her I love. From her good body to her almost perfect face, her charm, her wit & cunning, her NOT being popular. Her friends (who I know) — some — I just hope she likes me as much as I LOVE her. I think of her every second of every day. I want to be with her. I imagine me & her doing things together, the sound of her laugh, I picture her face, I love her. If [crossed out] soulmates exist, then I think I’ve found mine. I hope she likes Techno ... :-) , I love you — Dylan

My thoughts Oooh god I want to die sooo bad .. . such a sad desolate lonely unsalvageable I feel I am .. . not fair, NOT FAIR!!! I wanted happiness!! I never got it ... Let’s sum up my life ... the most miserable existence in the history of time . . . my best friend has ditched me forever, lost in bettering himself & having/enjoying/taking for granted his love. . . . I’ve NEVER knew this ... not 100 times near this ... they look at me like I’m a stranger ... I helped them both out thru life, & they left me in the abyss of suffering when I gave them the [?] The one who I thought was my true love, is not. Just a shell of what I want the most ... the meanest trick was played on me a fake love ... she in reality doesn’t give a good fuck about me . . . doesn’t even know me . . . I have no happiness, no ambitions, no friends, & no LOVE!!! can get me that gun I hope, I wanna use it on a poor SOB. I know ... his name is vodka, dylan is his name too. What else can I do/give ... I stopped the pornography. I try not to pick on people. Obviously at least one power is against me. . . . funny how I’ve been thinking about her over the last few days . . . giving myself fake realities that she, others MIGHT have liked me, just a bit . . . my [bad?] I have always been hated, by everyone & everything, just never aware. . . . Goodbye all the crushes I’ve ever had, just shells . . . images, no truths ... BUT WHY? YES, you can read this, why did [illegible words]. [next to a small picture:] A dark time, infinite sadness, I want to find love

Ignorance is bliss happiness is ambition desolation is knowledge pain is acceptance despair is anger denial is helpless martyrism is hope for others advantages taken are causes of martyrism revenge is sorrow death is a reprieve life is a punishment others’ achievements are tormentations people are alike I am different — Dylan [next to the above:] Goodbye, sorry to everyone . . . I just can’t take it . . . all the thoughts . . . too many . .. make my head twist ... I must have happiness, love, peace. Goodbye me is a god, a god of sadness exiled to this eternal hell the people I helped, abandon me I am denied what I want, To love & to be happy Being made a human Without the possibility of BEING human The cruelest of all punishments To some I am crazy It is so clear, yet so foggy Everything’s connected, separated I am the only interpreter of this Id rather have nothing than be nothing Some say godliness isn’t nothing Humanity is the something I long for I just want something I can never have The story of my existence. — Dylan

Me. sorry I didn’t write, A SHITLOAD in my existence ride. ok . . . hell & back . . . I’ve been to the zombie bliss side. . . . & I hate it as much if not more than the awareness part. I’m back now.... a taste of what I thought I want ... wrong. Possible girlfriends are coming then I’ll give the phony shit up in a second want TRUE love ... I just want something I can never have.... True true I hate everything, why can’t I die ... not fair. I want pure bliss ... to be cuddling with , who I think I love deeper than ever . . . I was hollow, thought I was right. Another form of the Downward Spiral10 . . . deeper & deeper it goes, to cuddle with her, to be one w her, to love, just laying there. I need a girl. This is a weird entry ... I should feel happy, but shit brought me down. I feel terrible. The Lost Highway apparently repeats . . . itself. I won’t drink. Now, lucky bastard gets a perfect soulmate, who he can admit FUCKIN SUICIDE to & I get rejected for being honest about fuckin hate for jocks. From the wrong people maybe ... & Anyway .. . here are 2 poems. Fuck me die me Awareness signs the warrant for suffering. Why is it that the zombies achieve something me wants (overdeveloped me). They can love, why can’t I? The true existor lives in solitude, always aware, always infinite, always looking for, his love. Peace might be the ultimate destination . . . destination unknown. . . . I want happiness . . . abandonment is present for the martyr. My thoughts exist in, want to live in. I want to find a room in the great hall & stay there w my love forever. Sadness seems infinite, & the shell of happiness shines around. Yet the true despair overcomes in this lifetime. How tragic for my [?] dumass shithead I HATE SHIT motherfuckin goddamn piece of death thought and nothin FUCK FUCK FUCK No emotions, not caring, yet another stage in this shit life. Suicide .. . Dylan Klebold

Thoughts Farther and farther distant . . . That’s what’s happening . . . me & everything that zombies consider real . . . just images, not life. Soon I will be at peace I hope . . . Burn → “with all your life fucked up around you” I get more depressed with each day . . . more Evil. . . . & I can’t ever stop it!!! [illegible scribble] Some god I am.... All people I ever might have loved have abandoned me, my parents piss me off & hate me . . . want me to have fuckin ambition!! How can I when I get screwed & destroyed by everything??!!! I have no money, no happiness, no friends ... Eric will be getting further away soon.... I’ll have less than nothing ... how normal. I wanted to love ... I wanted to be happy and ambitions and free & nice & good & ignorant.... everyone abandoned me ... I have small stupid pleasures ... my so called hobbies & doings ... those are all that’s left for me ... clinging onto the smallest rocks ... many people climbing up a never ending vertical cliff. . . . & found a plateau to exist on. . .they walked up me to get to it. Nobody will help me . . . only exist with me if it suits them. I helped, why can’t they? will get me a gun, I’ll go on my killing spree11 against anyone I want. More crazy . . . deeper in the spiral, lost highway repeating, dwelling on the beautiful past ( & getting drunk) with me, everyone moves up, I always stayed. Abandonment. This room sucks wanna die everything is as least expected. The meek are trampled on, the assholes prevail, the gods are deceiving, lost in my little insane asylum with the outhouse [?] redneck music playing. . . . wanna die & be free with my love . . . if she even exists. She probably hates me . . . finds a [?] or a jock who treats her like shit. I remember details . . . nothing worth remembering I remember. I don’t know my love: could be , or or , or , or anyone. I don’t know & I’m sick of not knowing!! To be kept in the dark is a punishment!! I have lost my emotions ... like in Hurt the song. NIN.12 people eventually find happiness I never will. Does that make me a non-human? YES. The god of sadness.... church was so fun ... the rec thing with

Beeerr ... Man I don’t know what’s up lately ... never do in existence. All this shit with & friends ... so weird & different from past.... yet again, that’s the way in existence. I wonder if I’ll ever have a love . . . my love. got his, I don’t, won’t ever get mine. Here’s all the people I’ve loved, or at least liked (or thought I loved) — all the same meaning

is the newest ... the purest (for now) ... seems perfect for me ... I seem perfect for her. I was delusional and thought she waved at me the last day of school. Oh well ... my emotions are gone. So much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty of being numb.

Existence . .. to understand Well well . . . so much changes . . . (like existence). I understand almost everything now . . . so close to my love — . The runes have shown it, she has shown it, I have felt it. I know the meaning of each life: to be loved by your love, & to be happy with ones self. Only for the gods though (me, , etc.). the zombies & their society band together & try to destroy what is superior13 (what they don’t understand & are afraid of. Soon.... either I’ll commit suicide, or I’ll get with & it will be NBK14 for us. My happiness. Her happiness. NOTHING else matters. I’ve been caught with most of my crimes — xpl [for example] drinking, smoking & the house vandalism, & the pipe bombs. If, by fate’s choice, didn’t love me, I’d slit my wrist & blow up Atlanta15 strapped to my neck. It’s good, understanding a hard road since my realization, but it gets easier. BUT IT DOESN’T! that’s part of existence. Unpredictable. Existence is pure hell & pure heaven at the same time. I will never stop wondering. The lost highway will never end, the music in my head will never stop ... total [?] part of existence. The hall will never end. The love will always be there. GOD I LOVE HER!!! It’s so great to love. Society is tightening its grip on me, & soon I & will snap. We will have our revenge on society, & then be free, to exist in a timeless spaceless place of pure happiness. The purpose of life is to be happy & be with your love who is equally happy. Not much more to say. Goodbye. Almost happiness is slavery — the real people (gods) are slaves to the majority of zombies, but we know & love being superior. I didn’t want to be a jock. I hated the happiness that they have — & I will have something infinitely better. I love her & she loves me. (By the way, some zombies are smarter than others, some manipulate .. . like my parents.) I am GOD, is GOD the zombies will pay for their arrogance, hate, fear, abandoned, & distrust

I love you that’s all I think about anymore ... I know that this humanity is almost over, that we will be free. We have proven to fate that we are the everything of purity & halcyon, & that we deserve, need, love, can’t exist without each other. It’s hard, I think that I might not be enough, my mind sometimes gets stuck on its own things, I think about human things — all I try to do is imagine the happiness between us. That is something we cannot even conceive in this toilet earth. The everything, the halcyon, the happiness is ours, there will be no notes from me. Let the humans suffer without my knowledge of the everything. I am trying not to think about the happiness, somehow thinking that 16 will destroy it if I conceive/relish in it when I’m a human, but I love her. We are soulmates.

You don’t consciously know who I am (please don’t skip to the back: read the note as it was written), & doubtedly unconsciously too. I, who write this, love you beyond infinince. I think about you all the time, how this world would be a better place if you loved me as I do you. I know what you’re thinking: “(some psycho wrote me this harassing letter)” I hoped we could have been together ... you seem a bit like me. Pensive, quiet, an observer, not wanting what is offered here (school, life, etc.) you almost seem lonely, like me. You probably have a boyfriend though, & might not have given this note another thought. I have thought you my true love for a long time now, but . . . well . . . there was hesitation. You see I can’t tell if you think of anyone as I do you, & if you did who that would be. Fate put me in need of you, yet this earth blocked that with uncertainties. I will go away soon, but I just had to write this to you, the one I truly loved. Please, for my sake, don’t tell anybody about this, as it was only meant for you. Also, please don’t feel any guilt about my soon-to-be “absence” of this world (it is solely my decision: no one else’s) oh ... the thoughts of us ... doing everything together, not necessarily anything, just to be together would have been pure heaven. I guess it’s time to tell you who I am. I was in a class with you 1st semester, & was blessed with being with you in a report. I still remember your laugh. Innocent, beautiful, pure. This semester I still see you — rarely. I am entranced during 5th period, as we both have it off. To most people, I appear . . . well . . . almost scary, but that’s who I appear to be as people are afraid of what they don’t understand. I denied who I was for a long time. Until high school.... anyway, you have noticed me a few times, I catch every one of these gazes with an open heart. I think you know who I am by now. Unfortunately ... even if you did like me even the slightest bit, you would hate me if you knew who I was. I am a criminal. I have done things that almost nobody would even think about condoning. The reason that I’m writing you now is that I have been caught for the crimes I committed, & I want to go to a new existence. You know what I mean (suicide). I have nothing to live for, & I wont be able to survive in this world after this legal conviction. However, if it was true that you loved me as I do you ... I would find a way to survive. Anything to be with you. I would enjoy life knowing that you loved me. 99/100 chances you probably think I’m crazy, & want to stay as far away as possible. If that’s the case, then I’m very sorry for involving an innocent person in my problems, & please don’t think twice. However, if you are who I hoped for in my dreams & realities, then do me a favor: leave a piece of paper in my locker saying anything that comes to you. Well, I guess this is it — goodbye, & I love(d) you. Dylan Klebold

I LOVE !! I love her to infinince. I look back on my awareness journey, see the parts & sections of my understanding . . . it’s almost done, yet it is never done, I love . She is my soulmate, my [?] all the imaginative halcyons & pure existences I have with her (to me) are almost happiness ... I just wish I could call her...something blocks me from calling her, my human side is putting up a wall to prevent me from calling her, like a fear of “its” truth. BS. I will overcome all fears, doubts, & zombie-based thoughts (oxymoron) . . . I will follow our hearts to the halcyon, loving her. I love you

Forever fate, up & down spiral 1.5 human years . . . so much changed in small time, my friends (at my choice) are depleting & collapsing under each other (Eric & ) like I thought they would, I am ready to be with . The ups & downs of fate are forever, good & bad, equal me. The lost highway, & downward spiral never end. Existence is like infinity times itself. ∞∞ [symbolizes infinity to the power of infinity] I have passed thru this much of the ever existence, this is almost a checkpoint. The zombies have set their [place? plane?] in my mind for the cliff theory I’ve [?] off with & we’ve floated away to the halcyon. The zombies will pay for their being, their nature. I know everything, yet I know nothing. I am a true god. My infinite memories, thoughts, perceivations of purity come a lot more with her, there is pure pure happiness — the purpose of our existence. I hate, love things, hate everything, love me & . I understand that I can never ever be a zombie, even if I wanted to. The nature of my entity. Soon we will live in the halcyons of our minds, the one thing that made me a god. Things are so simple, now that they are infinitely complicated. HAHAHAHA.

I understand whatever of everything. I am the god of the everything. Fate is my only master. This is probably my last entry. I love my self close second to my everlasting love. Goodbye. I will never stop learning Dylan Klebold

This shit again. Back at writing, doing just like a fucking zombie. Lately I can’t change my mind from the fucking deeds of zombies. Earth, humanity, HERE. That’s mostly what I think about. I hate it. I want to be free . . . free . . . I thought it would have been time by now. The pain multiplies infinitely never stops Yet [?] I’m here, STILL alone, still in pain, so is she. The thing I have concluded is that fate will decide when we should be together. decided when our existence started, it should end the same way, with us unknowing, in limbo. I love you . Always have, will. The scenarios, images, pieces of happiness still come. they always will. I love her she loves me. I know she is tired of suffering as I am. It is time. It is time. I love her the journey, the endless journey started, it has to end. We need to be happy to exist truly. I see her in perfection, the halcyons. I await endless purity. I exist as less than nothing without her. –O. my humanity, –O. I don’t know if I should call her, or wait for to act. Yet, calling her is a state of humanity. I’m forever sorry, infinitely, about the pornos. My humanity has a foot fetish & bondage extreme liking. I try to thwart it sometimes to no effect. Yet the masturbation has stopped. I’m sorry . Always I feel the [?] happiness here, thinking of her for brief moments. That’s how I know the everything is true.

I hate this non-thinking stasis. I’m stuck in humanity. Maybe going “NBK” (gawd) with Eric is the way to break free. I hate this.

The weather is a replication of our thoughts. The happiness is possible, imminent, I [?] on . The happiness is close visible ending, end of the beginning of the halcyons. The humanity is blocking me again. Time to go. HAHAHAHA fuck all. Hate this shit, need to be me, [?], love her. The framework of society stands above & below me. The hardest thing to destroy, yet the weakest thing that exists. I know that I am different, yet I am afraid to tell the society. The possible abandonment, persecution is not something I want to face, yet it is so primitive to me. I guess being yourself means letting people know about inner thoughts too, not just opinions & fashions [illegible word in parentheses] I will be free one day, in the land of purity & my happiness, I will have a love, someone who is me in a way. someday ... possibly thru this life, maybe another, but it will happen . .. Love is more valuable than anything I know. To love is to enter a completion of oneself. I hate those who choose to destroy a love, who take it for granted. love is greater than life even. As I look for love, I feel I can’t find it. Ever. But something tells me I will, someday. Somewhere. As my love will find me, she feels as I do right now, I can feel it, we will be inseparable. Her & I. Whether it is or not, I think I’ll find it (my love). We will be free, to explore the vast wonders of the stars. To cascade down everlong waterfalls, & thru the warmest seas of pure happiness .. . no limits .. . no limits. Nothing will stop us.

► Separate document:

The humanity of here & now clouds all that I see. Yet the me, the one, can now control the pain, & it is done. 5 more days. 5 . . . . . . a very influential number, another brick in my journeyed wall. Humans are zombies, they scratch for acceptance & greed & kill themselves thru each other. They will never learn, or maybe they will, but wont have the strength to learn to be aware is not a trait, it’s a godlike thing. Blessed God, not a Christian, Jesus, Mt. Sinai, Abraham, David, Bible gay shit god, but a true controller of existence. was to make us this way. These moments will be lost in the depressions & caverns of the human books forever, like, tears, in, rain, but the thoughts will be eternal. To explain the happiness is impossible even for fate. It’s just a pure halcyon set to last more existences than a conceivable number. Stupid gay nigger humans think I’m “crazy.” Or they think I’m childish. Hahaha, because I can’t solve [math equation]. That makes me dumb! Because I can’t stay thinking in a 2nd dimension, I go to the 5th!17 Haha. So I wait 5 more days. 5 more days. 5 eternities, & I know her & I are all conceived from ourselves & each other, every night of the self-awareness journey, every thought we conceived, we have finished the race. Time to die. Everything we knew we were able to understand it, to perceive it, into what we should. Everything we knew, we know & use. An understanding of the everything. An Einstein stuck in an ant’s body. We are the nature of existence. The zombies were a test, to see if our love was genuine. We are in wait of our reward, each other. The zombies will never cause us pain anymore. The humanity was a test. I love you, love. Time to die, time to be free, time to love. 1. One day, one is the beginning, [?] the end. Hahaha. Reversed, yet true. About 26.5 hours from now the judgment will begin. Difficult, but not impossible, necessary, nerve-wracking & fun. What fun is life without a little death? It’s interesting, when I’m in my human form, knowing I’m going to die. Everything has a touch of triviality to it. Like how none of this calculus shit matters. The way it shouldn’t. the truth. In 26.4 hours, I’ll be dead, & in happiness. The little zombie human fags will know their errors, & be forever suffering and mournful. HAHAHAH, of course I will miss things. Not really.

His Will:

Ok, this is my will. This is a fucking human thing to do, but whatever. — you were a badass, never failed to get me up when I was down. Thx. You get FUCKT

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trapmoon-vibez-blog · 7 years

Text

♀ Double The Trouble Double The Fun ♂

Imagine the Joker and Harley having twins.

"We have to get dad the fuck outta there! it's been 7 months already!" your twin brother yelled in frustration.

You guys were currently at your mom's girlfriend apartment, trying to convince her to help break out your dad.But that would be complicated because she moved on from him and 'upgraded' to Ivy.Your brother didn't dislike Ivy he just thought of her as the hot plant lady, you on the other hand didn't take much of a liking for her, cause no one was good enough for your mother expect your father, the Joker himself.But you would never tell her that knowing she would be heartbroken if we disapproved of her girlfriend.

"Sweetheart I already told ya, I want no part of that man." Your mom replied, while concentrating on polishing Ivy's nails.

Your brother slammed his hands on the end table and got off the sofa "yeah but we gotta help him!" he growled.

"He can rot in there for all I care!" your mother yelled.You and Ace glared at your mother "don't talk shit about dad!" you guys replied in sync.

Your mom rolled her eyes "I not helping him, end of story!"

"The hell your not-" before he could say something he'd regret you interrupted him. "Fine mom me and Ace will save daddy, we'll go on this dangerous mission by are lone self and hopefully we won't be hurt by those big meanies~" you taunted innocently.And before your mother could reply you quickly grabbed your brother's hand, running towards the front door leaving your mother and Ivy.You knew your mom was going to worry after hearing you guys was going to break out your father, but you didn't care cause you needed your father the longer he was gone the more insane you felt.You and your brother had been wreaking havoc in Gotham out of angry, lashes out on the civilians and messing with those stupid lil Bat kids.You guys earned the name Jester Twins.

Ace got in his blue customized Lamborghini and you sat in the passenger sit beside him."So what's the plan, since mom doesn't wanna help and uncle Frost won't tell us shit about dad." your brother asked.

You ponder for awhile "what about that hacker ya know?"

Your brother laughed "I don't think he wants to hear from me, after I carved his pretty boy face up~"

Your eyes sparkled with amusement "that's okay, I guess we'll be paying an old friend a visit!" you giggled "now put the pedal to the medal bro!"

Your brother laughed and started the car, his laugh sounded similar to dad's laugh which made you miss him even more.Of course your dad wasn't the perfect father in the beginning but later he grew to love us, even though he'd never say it, we knew.Even though we almost killed each other on numerous occasions, we always seem to find the joke in every situation.But without him by are side, things don't feel as fun as before.After mom and dad's nasty break up are crazy family was divided.I remember mom use to kidnap us cause dad never let mom in the house and he didn't want her around us, of course he couldn't prevent us from seeing mom so begrudgingly he gave up, knowing how much we missed her.Sometimes I wished they would get back together again but seeing her this happy, makes me content.

We finally got to the hacker's apartment and as we started walking upstairs, Ace stopped you "just a warning this guy tends to booby trap his place, even though that's fun and all, it can be a real pain in the ass." you nodded "I have a feeling this is going be the most fun I've had in months!" you skipped in the house, not listening to your brother's warning and you stepped on a tile that turned a statue into a machine gun.You ducked towards the wall as it kept shooting at you.

After the bullets finished your brother looked at you with a smug grin "I told ya~" you rolled your eyes playfully and started laughing "I can't help myself, that was so much fun!" you and and your brother walked down the hall to find nothing but a dead end.You and Ace started to feel the walls and floors, in search of a hidden door.

"Found it!" Ace yelled and as he pushed the wall, it opened up a passage way down stairs.You and your brother looked at each other and as you was starting to walk in first Ace stopped you "let me go in first." you wanted to argue with him and tell him you could handle yourself but him being the protective older brother (by just 1 minute!) he won't have that, so you let him go in first as you walked behind him.

As you guys finally got down stairs, the hacker's back was faced towards you as he was typing on the computer, you both smirked at each other and ran up on the poor schmuck, grabbing both of his arms, he stiffened and looked at us with fear. "T-the J-Jester twins, why are y-you here?!" you and Ace 'tsked' "you guys always ask the wrong questions." you both replied in sync.You looked at your brother as he got uncomfortable close to the hacker's stitched up face and starting smiling at him darkly "you shouldn't ask us why are we here that makes us feel sooo...unwelcomed right sis?" you put you hand over you heart in mock hurt "that's right, aren't we friends mr. Hacker?" the Hacker chuckled nervously "w-what can I do for you guys?" he asked.Your brother hit the desk causing the Hacker to flinch "there we go, I knew you were smart!" Ace laughed.

"we need you to track are dad's location, he stuck somewhere in Belle Reve." You asked, as you glided your index finger towards each stitch, causing him to shudder under your touch. "I can't hack into the government's system, I could get into some deep trouble!" he yelled frantically, which caused you and Ace to growl.

You dragged your index finger roughly down his face, reopening his stitches, he whimpered in pain."this isn't up for discussion! you will find him or you'll answer to us!" you yelled.

"Fine! I'll do it, just give me some time." You and Ace grinned at each other "don't disappoint us." Ace said.

As the Hacker was trying to break down the firewall to Belle Reve, you and Ace was slowly starting to get bored as 30 minutes passed.you signed "how long does this take!" Ace growled.The Hacker signed and continue typing on his keyboard "it depends." he said.You guys both groaned in sync, when Ace phone started to ring.

"Who's that?" you asked.

As Ace looked at his screen, you saw his eyebrow twitch which only met he was annoyed. "it's uncle Frost, mom must've called him to check on us."

"Are you going answer it?" you asked.

"No, I don't answer to no one." he said as a matter of fact.You knew uncle Frost was soon going to call you if Ace didn't pick up, and right on queue you heard your f/c ringtone play.You took your cell phone out of your back pocket and answered.

"Hey uncle Frost, what can I do for ya!" you beamed.

"What are you two planning?" Frost replied bluntly, not in no mood for playing into your games.

"Were not planning anything, who told you such a thing?" you asked in mock innocence.

"Cut the crap Y/n, I know you guys are trying to break your father out."

You giggled "nothing passes uncle Frost's radar, huh?"

"I know you and your brother miss your father, but you have to trust me and let me handle it."

You stopped laughing, and you felt your anger rise "look we appreciate your concern, but we will break out are father, whether you like it or not!" you yelled.

"Look Y/n be patient, were going to get your father out soon."

You shook you head 'no' "I've had enough of being patient! me and Ace will save daddy." you yelled, and before Frost could try and convince you otherwise you hung up the phone.You sat back down, biting on your nail.We can't wait on uncle Frost forever! they could be mistreating dad as we speak.Belle Reve is known for there abusive treatment, imagine all those meds there putting in him.You shuddered at the thought, me and Ace never been to that hell hole but you heard all the horrible things they did to your dad and you didn't like it at all.It made you mad to hear them trying to make your father suffer, but also you was proud of your dad for being so strong, even when you thought he wasn't in control, he always dominated a situation with ease.But no matter how good of a strategist he is, it didn't change the fact that he was in a dangerous place, where guards and inmates want to kill him.

"Will get him out, don't worry about it." you thoughts were interpreted when Ace questioned you.You smirked "what are you a mind reader?"

He laughed "one of my many hidden talents!"

You giggled "whatever you say~"

After 4 strenuous hours of dead ends, trying to slip into the system and almost getting caught, the hacker finally found out where dad was, he was in Belle Reve, the West wing, cell 5-b.Luckily for you Ace always keeps a mass amount of weapons and other strange shit in his Lambo, so you guys didn't have to take a extra trip back home.And secretly you didn't bring your Lambo cause you didn't want it to get destroyed nor even have a scratch on it.

Ace and you dashed out of the hacker's apartment and rushed to the car.

"Do you still have those uniforms and I.d cards?" you asked.

"Yeah it's in the trunk." he replied

You guys grabbed your bullet proof vests, machine guns, knives and smoke bombs, feeling fully prepared.You guys got into the car and you look at your brother with the happiest smile "you ready to fuck some shit up!" he nodded in a daze but you could see the determination in his eyes "let's show them who there fucking with!" your brother laughed darkly.

We finally got to Belle Reve and Ace called the hacker "open the cells first and then the main gate." then he hung up the phone, not waiting for a reply.You guys waited in safe distance, watching as the two guards got a call on his walkie talkie and you guys watched as they ran inside.You and Ace used this opportunity open the front gate that the Hacker unlocked.

Ace pulled you in the bushes and before you could protest he point to the two gunman 'securing' the area, and without warning you brother aim the gun with point blank accuracy, shooting them both with ease.

Ace laughed at you "I'm in lead, this will be 243, ya losing sis." you guys would play this game where who has the most kills.Even though it started off as a childish game to pass the time, you guys ending up competing on who will have 1,000 kills first before the other.

You hit the grass "damn! I should've shot them first."

He clutched on his stomach, trying to contain his laughter "d-don't be a sore loser!"

You smiled darkly "I won't, cause I'm a about to win!" you dashed out the bushes running inside Belle Reve's before the chaos dies down.You could hear your brother run and yell behind you as you made it passed the front door, you saw criminals killing guards, doctors and just about anything living!

So of course you had to get in some of this action, you started shooting anyone in your line of sight, while laughing like you've been told the funniest joke.

"Die pigs die!" You shouted.Finally Ace ran inside the building, joining the fun.You guys slowly made your way passed the dead inmates.Walking pass each cell till you finally got to cell 5-b. You and Ace looked at each other worriedly.

"D-dad?" you called out, hoping to catch his attention.Didn't he see all the cells unlocked? and the further you walked into his cell, the smell of medication hit your nose strongly.

You nudged your dad "come on dad we gotta go." he turned around and glared at you, if he wasn't in restraints would he have attack me? he looked confused and angry.

Ace rushed up behind you, pushing you to the side "Get ya shit together dad! it's your handsome son Ace, and your annoying daughter Y/n!" he screamed.Even though it sounded very threatening you could hear the uneasiness in his voice.Your father stared at the both of you blankly for a couple of minutes.

"Y/n and Ace." he replied hoarsely.

You nodded fiercely while smiling "yep it's me, do you remember?!" he looked at us again while grinning tiredly "How can I forget you annoy lil brats."

You and Ace smiled and ran into you dad ambushing him with hugs and kisses, normally he would protest all of this affection but since he hadn't seen you guys in awhile, he missed his two trouble makers...more then he would like to admit.

"Alright...alright get ya paws off me!" your dad groaned "and get this straight jacket off me."

you nodded and cut the cloth off, watching as your dad stretched his muscles.

"Damn dad you look like shit."Ace blurted out, while observing your dad.

Dad rolled his eyes "that's how you speak to your dad, after not seeing him in awhile."

Ace grinned at dad and shrugged.

"And besides I never look like shit." dad scoffed. "now pass me a gun~"

You and Ace grinned at one another, you passed your father his customized gun.

"Let's make Gotham tremble~" you dad said darkly.

"Hell yeah!" you and Ace said in sync.

The prince of crime was back and it was all because of his impatient brats.Of course later you guys was going to be in trouble for not listening to his orders but for now...you guys had a lot of catching up to do, and a lot of trouble to start.

For more https://www.wattpad.com/story/108668229-joker-imagines-%F0%9F%92%9A

#joker x reader #joker imagines #jared leto joker

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