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einsatzzz · 11 days

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[Project] (KH)Re:born!!!

I've been wanting to do a pinned post talking/rambling about my projects, so I'll do it now while I've still got some free time!

Anyway, for various reasons including wanting to keep it simple (for goldfish brain reasons), @amiahoshi and I decided to call this project "Katekyo Hitman Re:born!!!". We call it either Re:born!!! or KHRe for short. I also tried editing a title logo out of it some time ago (inspired from the og logo) for whenever it will be necessary!

Actually, I've just been tagging posts under this project under #khre (since mid-2023) because when I type #khr, I'll immediately remember to also type #khre. Anyway, more info below! (Ein from the future: it will be long)

Note: For any typos/grammatical mistakes, sorry not sorry this is just me rambling, so no beta we die like Tsuna did every time Reborn shoots him in Daily Life Arc.

TLDR: This project has become like my creative sandbox playground. The KHR brainrot is still going VERY STRONG, and has been for the past two years. I can't believe I didn't discover this series earlier. I am so normal about KHR.

It's also inspired from T//oky//o Gh//oul's title, where it had "T//G:re". And it really just emphasizes the "Re" on "Reborn", meaning "again, do over".

In KHR, besides being named after our fave baby hitman Reborn, this concept also connects to a lot of the themes in the show, especially with Tsuna and his Dying Will Mode. Then there's also the whole Vongola 10th generation, who seem like the reincarnation or the "second coming" of the Vongola 1st generation. I'm sure there are others I haven't noticed yet or just forgot to mention here!

Anyway, KHRe is sort of a similar universe to canon, but not exactly the same. There will be additional characters, which are mostly our OCs from the Oniyanagi yakuza family for now, then there will also be modifications/additions to the story/lore as well (e.g. certain arcs/chapters will be rearranged, certain events will happen earlier). Tsuna retains his protagonist role in KHRe as well (im so fond of him), but he will also be joined in this role by the twin bosses from Oniyanagi, Kana and Kurumi.

Kana and Kurumi's addition here really puts the emphasis on the "Re", because their individual overarching stories provide more interpretations to the word itself "Reborn", which adds onto Tsuna's.

The tldr of the premise so far is that Oniyanagi and Vongola are business partners, so shortly after Tsuna met Reborn and Gokudera, the twins and Yui (their right-hand man) transferred to Namimori. This is so that they can help each other to grow and with their respective training as well to become future bosses of their Family (Tsuna doesn't want to become one of course! lol).

Along with Kana & Kurumi, three of their guardians (incldg Yui) tagged along with their move to Namimori, while two of them remained in their previous city of residence (Tokyo). In their guardian line-up, they currently have an empty seat for the Sun Guardian and they're still actively looking for the one fit for it. Perhaps they'll find them in Namimori? (Spoilers: Yes, they will. Their full line-up is here.)

So far, the major ambitious projects I have under this one are as follows:

Oniyanagi Wiki: This is a wiki site I made in Miraheze. I'll put it in public mode once I finish cleaning up Kurumi's character profile. We plan on compiling all character/group/story infos here for KHRe, which will also include AUs and alternate timelines. If there will be a lot of story divergence with certain canon characters, we'll also make a page for them there too (from the top of my head, so far, it will be Tsuna, Hibari, Enma, Kyoko & Haru). This is the project I've made most progress on so far, I learned a fair amount about making wiki pages hahaha.

KHRe Webcomic: A webcomic that features KHRe's story. Just like canon, it starts with Daily Life Arc. Right now, I'm just thinking of drawing intro chapters for Kurumi, Yui and then Kana for it. But I'm also tempted to just go full-fledged webcomic retelling of majority of KHRe lol like just for deadass committing to the bit. I just really think it will help me improve my art a lot because it will force me to draw other stuff I haven't tried to seriously learn how to draw before (like have you seen the improvement in TOG Webtoon's art style??! Damn...I want that too.) KHRe also has stories that continue past KHR's final arc. I want that high school, TYL and alternate future timeline content too y'know! I think I want to finish drawing at least one chapter by Q4 2024, I'll have a lot of time to focus on this after my exam on June.

Into the Looking Glass: This is a Horror RPGMaker game in the planning stage and it features a prequel story for Kurumi's childhood (around 8-9 years old). Long story short, it does follow the classic formula of a small kid exploring a scary/creepy place by themselves. Don't worry, she will also have a companion or two here! (So...just like Ib.) The title is very much still subject to change, but I referenced Alice in Wonderland for it. Because it's Baby Kurumi (Alice) stumbling in an otherworldly place (Wonderland) and the events that take place moving forward changes her life. I already have a plot and ending(s) in mind, just need to write a script. This will take a very long time to complete, but I wanna finish it eventually because I'm also a big fan of Horror RPGMaker games and I've always wanted to make one (this is my chance! I alr have a story! Just need to write and execute it!). Here's a very old concept art of the baby! I'll draw a new updated one when I get the time (the only biggest change here will probably just be the eye pupils, which really isn't much).

KHRe Test Game (no title yet): Less ambitious than previous three. This will be a very short RPGMaker Game with Tsuna as MC. This is just me testing and learning the features of RPGMaker before I go do more work for Into the Looking Glass. The game is just about Tsuna being invited to the Ninomiya Estate by Kurumi and he has a very "fun" time there 😂👍✨ (just like a normal Daily Life Arc episode~). It won't be horror, but maybe for Tsuna it will be 😀 So far, I managed to make a map for Tsuna's room (and some other parts of the Sawada Residence) for the intro scene hehe

As for other projects that are less ambitious and more doable in a shorter time, I do have MV Projects for KHRe plus a few shorts (like this one) I plan on drawing them in. I listed my priorities here (along with the major projects) and will try to update when I can (ideally, at least monthly...but definitely not for June 💀).

That's all for now! THANK YOU FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK!! (seriously...because this turned out so much longer than I thought it would be 🗿...I will now proceed to hide under the rock again).

Any questions are always welcome and very very appreciated! 👀✨I really just love talking about this series, OCs (mine and others') and my projects!

#khr #katekyo hitman reborn #khre #khr oc #oniyanagi #sawada tsunayoshi #ninomiya kurumi #ninomiya kanako #einart #einproject #i typed all of this while trying not to pass out from being eepy #i did pass out in the end but i finished it #hahahaha #had to go do hand-to-hand combat vs my anxious brain just to click post on this one bruh

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knockyasocksoff2022 · 4 months

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More Than You Know \\ soukoku

TW ⚠️: topics of depression and suicide. I don't really like writing that kind of stuff so there won't be too many details but these things are mentioned a bit.

-SUMMARY-

Chuuya and Osamu go to Kafka Academy together. Osamu is from a rich family, the Moris, who owns the Yokohama Port Corporation. Chuuya is a scholarship kid from the slums with anger issues. He thinks Osamu is annoying and pretentious and they fight a lot.

Then one day Osamu commits suicide.

Because Kuoyou is Mori's secretary, they attend the funeral where Chuuya receives a CD and a locked notebook, with a clue to the key only Chuuya would know, these objects appaently having been willed to him by Osamu.

After a month Chuuya realises he misses the other boy and that school isn't the same without him. Then as the month ends, he wakes up the week before Osamu commits suicide. Chuuya realises he has seven days to save the boy.

----------

(A/N: Right now I'm posting each chapter individually, but once the story is finished I'll post them all together on one post to make it easier to find. I'll probbaly reblog this post and put them here.)

(A/N: original/canon ages are first followed by the age they are in this fic)

Yukichi: 45 - 41

Ougai: 40 - 36

Koyou: 26 - 22

Yosano: 25 - 21

Osamu & Chuuya: 22 - 18

Kunikida: 22

Aku: 20 - 16

Gin: 18 - 14

Kyouka: 10

Atsushi: 18 - 14

Junichirou: 18 - 14

Naomi: 17 - 13

Q: 13 - 9

Elise: 10 - 7

#More Than You Know // soukoku #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs #bsd #soukoku #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bsd chuuya #osamu dazai #bsd dazai

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theearlgreymage · 6 months

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Despite having written close to 25k words this month, I have been SLACKING on making any type of "Six Sentence Sunday" or "WIP Wednesday" Posts. Partially because my NaNoWriMo Project is a secret gift. Partially because I have been cursed by an eldritch deity and never know peace.

Anyway. To each and every one of you who continues to tag me - you're gems. Sweethearts. Sparkles of Light on my bad days. I love and appreciate each of you, even if I do it silently from my little corner of the world.

Setting the emotions aside now.

Here are as many sentences as I feel like sharing from my project. Because I've been quiet lately and ya'll deserve more than just six measly sentences for not abandoning me. (And if you're from the CO Fandom, know that I'm coming back to all my SnowBaz WIPs as soon as I finish this beast)

An Excerpt from Chapter XI

As I finish Erwin’s request, I level my gaze back on him. Finding his eyes with my own, there’s a look, an intensity, in them that leaves my mouth dry. There’s a question flying in the blue of his irises, a curiosity that I want to sate. What does he want from me? Swallowing, I lean forwards in my seat. Propping my elbows on the table, even though Erwin told me that proper nobles keep their elbows off the tops of tables and desks. “How much of this is true?” Erwin’s eyes flash at my question, and he leans in himself. Bringing our heads close enough together that I can smell the tea and cream from breakfast on his breath. “What do you think?” “I think I’m not being told everything,” anything, “and that’s on purpose.” Apparently, that was the right thing to say as Erwin grins at me. And again, I’m struck with how much he reminds me of that boy who’s name I can’t recall. Brilliant white teeth and pink lips that soften his angular face. The sight stirs something reminiscent in my gut. I’m half tempted to ask Erwin if he feels it too, if I remind him of someone from his own childhood. But before I can gather the courage to potentially make a fool of myself if I’m wrong, Erwin is asking more questions of me. “And why would they do that? Why not tell you, tell everyone the truth?” “The same reason anyone avoids the truth, because they have something to hide.” It’s an easy answer. One of the first lessons that Kenny taught me. Everyone has something to hide, and if you can find that truth in an individual you can best them every time. “Exactly,” Erwin agrees with me as he pushes the books we’ve been studying away from us. “So what could the royals and nobles be hiding from us?” At that, I’m stumped and shrug my shoulders. Erwin deflates with me, almost like he was expecting me to actually have the answer to that question. He does think I’m a noble, maybe the idiot thinks I have some secrets. It wouldn’t shock me to discover that he wants to use me for something. He’s clearly working against the nobility in some regard, and I’m sure having a noble on his side could be beneficial. But if he thinks I’m going to be some grand advantage, he’s surely mistaken. I’m nothing more than a good fighter and decent thief. “I think we’ve covered enough for today,” Erwin redirects the conversation suddenly. Moving to restack the books and parchment we’ve been using all afternoon.

Consider the Tags below as both a Hello, but also How are you all doing?

@aristocratic-otter @aroace-genderfluid-sheep @artsyunderstudy @bazzybelle @bookish-bogwitch @buffy @captain-aralias @confused-bi-queer @cutestkilla @ebbpettier @erzbethluna @facewithoutheart @fatalfangirl @foolofabookwyrm-activated @gekkoinapeartree @hushed-chorus @ic3-que3n @ivelovedhimthroughworse @ileadacharmedlife @ionlydrinkhotwater @j-nipper-95 @johnwgrey @krisrix @larkral @martsonmars @letraspal @moodandmist @mostlymaudlin @onepintobean @palimpsessed @prettylightsbigcity @raenestee @shrekgogurt @skeedelvee @stardustasincocaine @stitchyqueer @tea-brigade @theimpossibledemon @thewholelemon @wellbelesbian @whogaveyoupermission @you-remind-me-of-the-babe

#six sentence sunday #as many sentences as I want sunday #hey #I'm alive #not necessarily thriving #but breathing #Writing away #working on some NaNoWriMo Secret Project #Gift Fic #Currently at 24345 words #100k goal #Other goals #NaNoWriMo #AOT #Eruri #LevixErwin #WIP

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canonicallyobserving911 · 5 months

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Seven Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 16 will be posted tomorrow.

Currently 15 chapters completed: 487.0K Words Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

My plan is to post Chapter 16 tomorrow after I finish editing and proofing it.

I'm excited to finish this chapter because there are so many things happening for Buck and Eddie and the Diaz Family. For anyone who hasn't read Chapter 15, here's a brief overview: Buck and Eddie got engaged and they spent the morning after they proposed discussing when and where they're going to get married. They'll tie the knot before Christmas 2023 but they aren't getting married in the U.S. and they won't have a wedding ceremony until May 2024. They think Chris is the only person who knows they're together but several people have witnessed their romantic and emotionally intimate moments including Bobby, Chimney and Athena.

Who else is going to realize they're together in Chapter 16?

___________

Here's some more Buck and Eddie romantic fluff from Chapter 16 as they discuss how being apart is filled with sorrow.

___________

After he breaks the kiss, his eyes fill with tears and in a voice full of emotion he says, “I’m going to miss you!” He wasn’t expecting to cry this early in the morning but he doesn’t care because he means every word of the things he’s saying to his fiancé.

He inhales then he allows the words to escape his lips unbidden. “I don’t want you to go because I always miss you when we’re apart.” He leans his forehead against Buck’s and whispers, “I’ll be glad when we’re living under the same roof because I want you here with me all the time”.

When he leans back, he meets Buck’s eyes again and one of his tears escapes but Buck catches it and wipes it away with his thumb.

Buck’s breathless because he feels it too and even though they’re still standing right in front of each other with their arms wrapped around the other one’s waist, saying goodbye to the love of his life is always difficult and he dislikes it just as much as Eddie does. He’s never known love like this and it literally takes his breath away every time he has to leave 4995 S. Bedford St. It’s their home and all three of them will be living together after his move from the loft is complete in a few weeks.

He leans in and kisses Eddie again and he hopes the feeling of their lips being pressed together while their tongues become tangled in sweet bliss will last him until they see each other again in four days.

After he pulls back, he talks against Eddie’s lips. “I miss you so much when we’re not together. Friday is a long way off and I know we’ll talk on FaceTime but it’s not the same.”

“You’re right, it’s not because I can’t hold you in my arms, I can’t listen to your heartbeat and I...”

What is Eddie going to say next? 👀

___________

Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it. But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago. They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial. But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories. Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie. It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-15 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 16 will be posted tomorrow.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 on abc #911 abc #911 fanfic #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #buddie wip #Seven Sentences Sunday #Several Sentences Sunday #Hiatus Reading

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wordsandrobots · 10 days

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Had a pretty bad day so I'm going to boast about something.

I didn't mention it at the time but posting Chapter 14 of Ragnarök in G Minor on Friday took it past the previous high bar for individual Wishing on Space Hardware fic-length set by The Ares Affair (72,872 words vs 69,850). And this latest story isn't even halfway done. That'll come next week, and take the total word count for the series over 550,000 words.

(I'm hoping to land at about 555,000 because who wouldn't?)

Which is nice, and a good reminder of why, exactly, it took me half a year longer than expected to get Ragnarök finished. Because that did kind of disappoint me, but looking at it like this, it makes sense. There was a *lot* to get through to tie the overarching story together and give everybody some sort of key moment. My problem with writing fic for Iron-Blooded Orphans is that I want to write about ALL of it, and every single character, so it was probably inevitable that it wouldn't conclude with anything less then a doorstop of a fic.

Chapter 14 also marked the end of the character arc I started with the first IBO fic I wrote and I want to write a brief commentary on that. I'm planning a proper 'author's note' essay when the whole series is done, but this . . . this is something more specific.

(Behind a cut because it is talking about endgame stuff for Wishing on Space Hardware, which is already a post-canon fic for Iron-Blooded Orphans, so, yeah. Take heed and beware ye spoilers.)

I can't remember when exactly I decided one of the climaxes was going to be a three-way fight between fun-house mirror versions of the Devil of Tekkadan. Like much of WoSH, it fell out of the ever-expanding churn of ideas IBO left me with. But it's an obvious thing to do: take the legacy of the anime's protagonists and fracture it against itself for the sake of drama. Because whatever else, we are talking about a group of deeply traumatised child soldiers and there remains the potential for a lot of bad things to follow the hopeful ending of the show.

Embi is all the worst parts of Tekkadan. Violent, arrogant, selfish, reckless -- he's the vessel into whom I poured all that and more, to the point of having him actively reject the better parts. Heart-sickened by the death of his brother, the bonds of comradeship fray until he can't stand the sight of his former squad-mates, much less the miraculous returnee from the dead who catalyses the events of WoSH. At the same time, he can't stay at his worst. He struggles with new connections because they threaten to pull him from his grief. He doesn't want to move on. Embi roots himself in an old dream of being like Mikazuki, in the life of a mercenary soldier. Fighting is all he knows and beyond it lies the terrifying prospect of hope and trying. He'd have much preferred to burn up over Mars. At least that would have been a safely familiar ending.

Ordsley suffers the myth of Tekkadan, transformed by people who saw what a group of Martian children 'achieved' and wanted to surpass them. Yet the curse inflicted on him -- for he is of course a werewolf, turning with the influence of the crescent moon -- is to become unwilling legatee of Mikazuki's reality: the beast and the boy, the contradictory dreams of someone trapped by a system that sees people as raw material. For the smart young man at home on the proper side of history, it's a hell of a shock to reckon with the humanity of those condemned for their rebellion. Here, finally joining the survivors on the battlefield they once called home, the pieces click, for at least a moment. There are no easy answers in a world that offers children a choice between killing and starvation, but perhaps in the middle of the fray, it is easier to understand why they call each other friend.

Then there's Shino. The lovely, blood-thirsty himbo I thought it would be interesting to pluck from his canonical fate.

I know when I decided to shatter his prosthetic. The middle of last year, after reading writing by amputees, talking about how they are depicted, how that feeds and feeds off narratives fundamentally disconnected from their lived experiences. Still, I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not trying to speak to those experiences. The canon has sci-fi prosthetics. It's detached from the real world. It's just, the ways it also problematises them . . . the way, particularly with the addition of 598 and his cybernetic eye, that dovetails with the propaganda drive from militaries to gift high-tech limb replacements to those mangled in the course of fighting . . . I don't regret pushing myself to dip my toe in those waters.

You see, I wanted to tie together the strands of Shino's trauma. His instinctive reach for quid pro quo in his relationship with Yamagi, finally answered with the truth of everything positive he left behind on his first 'death'. His great bête noire, that failure of his last-ditch effort to save Tekkadan, coming full-circle as he's given another chance, another challenge, met this time with greater experience and maturity, and the knowledge of when not to fight. Third-best no longer, bolstered by all those who taught him what it takes to fly.

And as he gets to prove his mastery -- in ways beyond Embi's suicidal commitment and Ordsley's engineered supremacy -- he also reckons once more with that pernicious belief he is only fit to fight.

There isn't an answer, you know. Those doubts about ourselves, those demons, don't go away even when we let them go. We just learn to carry on regardless. To accept the possibility that we can live anyway, and to stop throwing the best parts of ourselves under the bus in our rush to distance ourselves from the worst.

So the arm is smashed to bits, the fate of the mobile suit pilot, the soldier, the body spent in violence. But Shino finally sees his younger self in a positive light and does what nobody else was able to for Embi: tell him it's OK to leave. Whatever it takes to be happy, even if that's a million miles away. He treats Ordsley as Ordsley, not Mika 2.0, reinforcing Ordsley's newfound balance. Above all, throughout everything, he is not alone. This final fight is spent with Eugene right at Shino's side, backing him up, trusting him. The Ryusei-Go is Tekkadan as a community, the part that truly never wilted. Because the reason Shino can have this moment of catharsis is that he is loved. So many people, building him up, giving him a future.

Everything he would do for them, unhesitatingly, and has, more times than he will ever realise.

I don't know if it's character development, exactly. Honestly, I don't know if the chapter actually encapsulates these things the way I wanted it to. I've read it too many times to see it straight any more and, even with a lovely band of readers I am privileged to have commenting, I'm doubting myself a lot these days. I don't sit well on my laurels, with the things I've completed, the word counts and the tick-marks. I worry it's still not enough. Put a fair of myself in Shino, there.

But I think it's good. I think it came out the way I wanted it to. I think it's the right thing for the story, to take a giant mecha battle, the tragic, inevitable conflict, and flip it around into an act of firefighting. I think I should be proud I got here, even if I never expected to when I first sat down at my keyboard to explain why the hot bisexual anime boy was still alive, actually.

So I'm make a note, to myself, that I did. That I should be proud. That I am, of me, for doing that.

And if you're reading this and you're going to be reading the rest of the story -- I'll just say, Shino himself is going to tell you why his vivid pink robot arm needed to be demolished by a giant sword. There'll be another, eventually (they do have a cyberneticist on speed-dial), but for now, well. You'll see.

#fanfic #writing #more rambling #it's just been a bad couple of weeks #and the howling void where I once had a 650000 word fic series to spend every waking hour thinking about has been biting hard

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rays-of-fire-and-ice · 8 months

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For the fanfic asks: 6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time? and 18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

Fanfic asks

Must admit, I was excited to see you sent in an ask! XD But in answer to your questions:

6. Are there any fics from others you reread all the time?

There's quite a few so buckle up:

it was all a dream, i just called to say, and in law out(ing) by @canariie: her writing is beautiful, her plots are offer many sweet and homely moments, and they all feature my OTP. The first was a request form me and I love the direction to she took it, giving Toshiro and Momo a soft moment where they're both scared but then turning it into a moment Toshiro can express how he truly feels. The second is beautiful from start to finish, giving us an interaction between two like-minded individuals who have been through a lot and would probably benefit from meeting each other in canon; also the last third is just so good for a Hitsuhina fan! The last is just great fun, and I love seeing Shinji and Toshiro interact like this (it also gave us #letshinjifish2k23, what's not to love?!) If for some reason you haven't read these fics (or any of her fics for that matter) and you're a hitsuhina fan, read them after this post!

Bleach Returns day 3: A Time to Celebrate by @recurring-polynya: yeah that's right, I go back and read this fic of yours! It's one of the most humorous fics I've read, and it never fails to make me smile. I love all the characters' banter with each other, it feels organic and it's awesome to see some character interact with each other (seriously, I never thought I'd want to see Chad interact with Rangiku and Toshiro, but here we are). I've been meaning to read your submission for this year's BLEACH Anime Celebration too, but I'm sure I'll love it!

a cacophny in stillness by @visionen-im-spiegel: I mentioned it in my last ask response, but there's just something about this fic. I love to come back and reread it as a whole, but there's just certain sections I read it for. I love in the last chapter where Momo finds Toshiro, and there's that shock of seeing him at first, but more than that, there's relief that the war is all finally over, and they have each other in that moment of realisation.

the warmest place in the world by @pinkhairedlily: this is such a fluffy read! I love snippet of the hitsuhina married life here, it feels authentic and organic. I always laugh at the drunk Toshiro scene, the poor guy forgets he finally married Momo! XD

D O N K I and Away, Away by @bleachbleachbleach: I've said many thinks about their writing, and I cannot praise them enough. These two fics in particular hit me though. Again, a little biased here, but the first was written as a request from me, but like with canariie, it got taken in a direction I didn't see coming but absolutely loved. Toshiro and Orihime interactions are always a 10/10 for me, they're a soft friendship that needs to explored more. And this fic even got me to care about the weird unspoken side characters in Orihime's neighbourhood! Away, Away holds a special place for me, as it was the first fic I read from bleachbleachbleach, I come back to it because I still marvel at the world building, the atmosphere throughout, and the character interactions being so on point.

18. What's one of your favorite lines you've written in a fic?

There's more than one line here, but I feels it needs context for me to explain why it's one of my faves. This one is from On the Shoreline:

“I-I didn’t understand why you were becoming so distant, I thought getting away from the Soul Society would help, but now I think I know. Are you…?” She’s conflicted, her lips opening to continuing her question, only to close seconds later and becoming a taut, pressed line. He’d wanted to tell her what was on his mind, but not like this. To his own ear, he’s ended up both paranoid and like a child complaining about something not going his way. He's upset her. Toshiro sighs, suddenly more tired than before. “What is it?” She still hesitates, her focus on the waves circling his ankles. Eventually, she raises her head and steps closer. “Are you scared?” It hits him in the chest like a stone thrown into glass. For a second, his blood runs tight and cold in his limbs. His heart skips a beat, then clenches. He can feel hairline fractures running through him, threatening to break apart.

I still can't forget how long I sat there trying to come up with a line to emphasis the impact this question has on Toshiro. This was the moment in the story where he finally breaks down more or less, and finally tells Momo what's been going on for him. He's been keeping his walls up, but they aren't strong ones; he's at a point where they're being worn down and he's barely making it through this trip, and Momo's concern, her insight into who he is and how he's feeling, finally breaks them down completely.

It might be a corny or cliched line, but love how it turned out in the grant scheme of the story. Her question hit him hard, and finally got him to open up to her when he's been the exact opposite for most of the fic.

Thanks so much for sending these in! :D

#toshiro hitsugaya #momo hinamori #matured form #fanfiction #bleach #asks #ask meme #recurring polynya

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kogarashi-art · 14 days

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It's the last previews for Falling Into Darkness!

Important note before I go into some details on the pictures: I will, in general, not be doing this for other fanfics I post. The main reason I did this series of illustrations was as something of a treat for finally crossposting this 10-20-year-old story to my AO3 account. I don't really plan to draw a ton of illustrations for other fics I do.

That being said, I may do occasional images that will be posted with future stories on AO3 (I have a quick one for the first chapter of the next fic I plan on posting, for one), and if I do other fanart, related to a fic or not, I still plan to post art here.

But I'm glad for all the kind comments and everyone enjoying this series of illustrations with me. :D You guys are awesome.

With that, description-stuff (including more behind-the-scenes than usual) below the cut. 'Tis long; be forewarned.

First up, arguably the easiest illustration to do in the whole set. It's a silhouette, so the foreground wasn't really an issue (other than trying to get the edge glow just right, and I still don't think I quite managed but I'm definitely telling myself not to mess with it any further). The background was already painted for the second illustration in the whole set:

I just fixed up the paths and the treetops and added a little lookout stand to the building on the right, now that Sonic and Sally weren't blocking those spots. After all, it's supposed to be the same view anyway, so I figured I'd make it easy on myself and not have to completely repaint the scene.

The second image employs some little cheats here and there. Here's the original sketch from my sketchbook for comparison:

Very loose, lacking detail. Straight lines are more like suggestions. The robots are spiky blobs. I have a literal note next to a stick figure and a hollow shape telling me to get some references. There's the barest hint of the alcoves the robots are standing in.

I didn't show this level of behind-the-scenes off with other illustrations in this series (though I suppose if anyone's ever interested, I could do a process post about how I worked on these), but one of the first things I did with this series of illustrations was sift through the roughly fifty individual sketches I'd drawn to illustrate various parts of the story (not counting redraws of portions), ranging from vague shapes to much more detailed drawings, to narrow it down to the ones I was actually going to finish for this project. I ended up with 27 total images, including the two I'm previewing today, focusing on having at least one but no more than three images per chapter.

Once I'd determined which sketches, like the above, were going to become a finished piece, I then went through each and every one of them in Photoshop with a sketch pencil brush and filled out the sketches to a point where I could reliably ink them. That meant things like swapping out figures that didn't work with redraws of them or making size adjustments, like so:

The first image is the second illustration, and you can see I redid Sonic because his initial pose didn't work. The redraw was actually a pose of him I did to draw his post-Mobianization robotic elements from the end of the story, but the stance was actually good for what I needed, so I Photoshopped it in and then sketched the rest of the replacement drawing digitally. The second image is Sally watching Knuckles walk away, and you can see that I changed her left arm, and also reproportioned her body prior to inking (bigger head, smaller body).

And for pieces like the final one in this illustration series, I sketched in all the details that were missing from the initial sketch (which, as I said, was pretty barebones; in my defense, it was the last one I drew, and by that point I was pretty tired of drawing robot hedgehogs so Sonic was something of a stick figure in most of the last chapters' sketches).

And here's where one of the cheats comes into play. I drew one robot hedgehog. Specifically the one you see the most of, near the tip of Robotnik's cape by the drafting table. I drew it on its own layer in Potoshop, then copied and pasted it into all of the other holding bays, erasing parts that wouldn't be visible as I went along. I also went and found those references I needed for Robotnik and Snively and drew the two of them properly.

And then, because I much prefer physical pen-to-paper inking over digital (my tablet is not one of the fancy screen ones, and I've yet to really get comfortable digitally inking with it, despite owning it for nigh on twenty years), I colored all of the sketches red, assembled them in groups on letter-sized images, and printed them out onto cardstock (my preferred medium when I'm going to be traditionally inking). I inked them with my various inking pens (some Sakura Microns, some Faber-Castell PITT pens), scanned each sheet back into my computer, and cleaned up the lines in Photoshop (the reason for the red printout was to make it a bit smoother removing the sketch from the inked lines, though it wasn't as clean as I would've liked; oh well).

That left us with the above. Because I inked them each by hand individually, the robots don't look copy-pasted, because it was the underlying sketch that had been, not the ink work. The tables and holding bays also have straighter lines thanks to using a proper ruler for those (though I didn't concern myself too much with things like perspective and right angles), and after drawing the straight line, I went back freehand over spots to give them a bit of that hand-inked wobble.

From there it was a matter of laying down the flats in Photoshop, then shading, adding effects, etc. I like the cold yellow light I've got on the robots, and the overall shading on the yellow cape. Also that sense of satisfaction when I called this one done, because it was the last one. Huzzah.

I'll see you on Monday for the last chapter!

#drawing #artwork #sth #sonic the hedgehog #sally acorn #doctor robotnik #snively #behind the scenes #LOTS of behind the scenes #like seriously I went on a bit of a ramble #I regret nothing

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spamano-fanfiction-recs · 5 months

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Soulmates

If you're reading this, I'm sure you know as well as I do that Spain and Romano are perfect for each other. In fact, their fates are connected by a red thread. What I'm trying to say, is that this is a post about soulmate AUs. All these stories have their own take on the rules of a soulmate AU, which just makes them that much better.

To note: anything written in green contains content warnings, but not smut. None of these contains smut, actually. Only finished fics are recommended here. Always check the tags and description on the individual fic, don't read anything just to criticise the author, and I hope you have a good reading!

Blank Wrist and Mutism:

Light by annapotterkiku: Lovino was sure he didn't have a soulmate, because he did not have any marks identifying the first thing his soulmate would say to him. But perhaps there's another reason... Content for minor mention of self harm.

No Words by catholicorprotestant: In a utopian society, where people can find their soulmate, Lovino's wrist is blank where the first thing his soulmate would say should've appeared.

I Won't Give Up by kucchi: Lovino was sick of life, until a stranger came barging in. But this stranger isn't speaking, and then, he disappears. Content warning for child abuse and neglect in chapter three.

Spamano oneshot by Cazypup: Yes, another! This one is a bit less angsty than the others.

Soul Mate's First Words-Unspoken by myfivemeters: Lovino was sick of his perfect brother being better than him, and moved to Spain. One day, he meets a mute man. Chapter 3 can be disregarded, as it's just an A/N.

Slowly But Surely In Love by amberauto: It was difficult to decide whether this one should go here, or into the next section, but I chose to put it here. Lovino doesn't want a soulmate and doesn't think he has one either. Antonio is mute. Longer than most soulmate fanfics, and content warning for major character death.

Bad End:

Colours by LimitlessReach (orphan_account): Sometimes, the red string of fate between you and another person snaps. Content warning for character death.

Until Time Starts Again by Ashesofthesoul: Everyone has a countdown timer for when they're destined to meet their soulmate. Lovino's timer breaks. Content warning for character death.

Tick by genuinely maverick: Lovino has decided he doesn't want to be with the person he meets when his countdown timer hits zero. This one says unfinished, but I think it works as a oneshot.

No One Knows Soulmates Are Real:

Testing-Testing I'm Just Suggesting You and I Might Not Be the Best Thing by batoravu (orphan_account): An AI is tasked with finding the soulmate of people. Lovino thinks the AI has to be mistaken.

Tomatoes, Always Tomatoes by Someone_you_do_not_know: What if your food cravings was the only thing telling you who your soulmate was? How do you even find someone based on that? There's a seven year age gap, but they meet each other when they're both in their 20s. This one has sequels that are also Spamano-centric.

They Know Each Other Beforehand:

Spamano Hearts by Kousagi7Yami and Vodka112: This fanfic is in two parts, which is why there are two links. One is Lovino's side, and the other is Antonio's side. In this universe, a person's heart is visible, and it breaks in two once it's matured. You give one half to the one you love, and they will give you their other half in return.

My Soulmate by sctwilightvampwolfgal: Antonio reflects on how his love for Lovina has changed from platonic to romantic. Open ended.

La Cinta Roja by Mediterranean Tomatoes: Antonio has had many partners taken from him as they found the one the red string of fate bound them to, and doesn't really want to find out. Lovino is the same. Until the day their ribbons finally show themselves.

Despite Losing Hope:

The Guilty Heart by Pastaaddict: Lovino blames himself for his brother's blindness, and believes he has taken away his brother's soulmate, since Feliciano will never find the one who makes him able to see in colour, since he can't see at all. Content warning for attempted suicide.

Cross My Heart by lorenzodelcielo: The name of your soulmates appear over your heart once you know – they can be platonic or romantic, and you can have up to four, although some get less, and some get none. Antonio has given up on finding anyone until he went to a certain restaurant.

Twenty-Nine by BlueFlame013: Lovino's countdown timer is broken, and is stuck at 29 years. But perhaps he'll find the one anyway.

Soul Mates by Chaos Ride: Romano yearns to find his soulmate, especially since he's already sixteen, and most other people finds their soulmate when they're younger. His brother convinces him to go to the movie theatre with him – where Antonio, 19, works. Minor content warning for one mention of suicide and some age gaps.

Love by Frostwhisker: Lovino has waited for three long years, and then, he ends up meeting his soulmate early. Now he's not even sure he wants to throw himself into a relationship.

Reincarnation:

I will not be your sometimes by dogmouth: No matter what happens or what life they're born into, Spain and Romano will always find each other.

The One Lifetime We Weren't by sctwilightvampwolfgal: So many lifetimes with a happily ever after, and one without, because Antonio could never date his son, nor Lovino his father. Content warning for a minor student/teacher relationship and mentions of incest – but the latter doesn't happen.

Ten Million Fireflies by Snowdream56: The half nation Romano has died, but two decades later, Antonio meets the human, Lovino. Content warning for character death.

till death do us part by Goth-leaf1: Lovino and Antonio are cursed. In every life, Lovino will have his lover taken from him upon their meeting. Content warning for character death.

#aph romano #aph spain #fanfiction #fanfiction rec list #fanfiction recommendation #spamano #aph south italy #hws romano #hws south italy #hws spain #soulmates #reincarnation

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ruporas · 1 year

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Esteemed artist, I would love to hear your Trigun thoughts. What specifically? Well, up to you. I saw you have a lot to say in the tags of your art and would love to hear it without the worry of a shadowban

OH..! thank you so much for your curiosity!!!

god, there is SO much to talk about in trigun, i don't even know where to start honestly.

*adding this note after i've finished typing: this is just a whole lot of rambling with unspecified direction. mainly vashwood, mainly trimax

i think the easiest is to open up with vashwood, but if i start with vashwood, not even one post will be enough to encapsulate the layers of love, tragedy, the what-ifs that could've bloomed in-between their travels, their effects on each other, etc etc… and then it also depends on which version of vashwood because the beauty of vashwood is that if you intake all 4 versions (trimax, 98 anime, stampede, badlands rumble), then you get 4 kinds of vashwood that varies in slightly different ways, and i've been incredibly plagued by the brainrot enough to think about them All.

trimax, if not obvious, is my favorite vashwood… though tristamp vashwood is constantly making me lose my mind too -- the original writing and creation of both vash and wolfwood's characters are just so dear to me, even though my gateway into this series started with stampede.

i think the significant portion of my love into vashwood is just how much i love the individual characters themselves; i mean. ok wolfwood started as my favorite character and frankly, i could be argued with that he is my favorite character, but vash is the moooost lovable man ever and a week ago, i was Constantly tearing up thinking about the solitude he faces on the daily; how pre-trimax, he was well and aware of how moment-to-moment his life was and how he can't slow down because he needed to get to knives and thus, he knew any friendships and meaningful connections wouldn't last either… and then beginning of trimax, he got peace for a bit before being forcibly dragged out of it in knowing that knives is out on the move again, but now he has this semi-permanent companion alongside him, someone who follows him and is Really good at sticking by him, so even if vash tried to run, just as he tried to shrug off the insurance girls before, it's not possible against wolfwood.

and this could go into a whole thing about how initially, vash viewed wolfwood as someone that was just following him, trailing alongside him, unwantingly by vash because it really just brings more risk to wolfwood and that's not something vash wants. he reluctantly starts to accept wolfwood's companionship after vol 3 because it was the first time he did literally try to abandon wolfwood (and failed), and as they gradually continued on this journey and learnt more about each other and fought side by side, vash developed a trust that wolfwood would be there no matter what.

though by vol 6-7, vash suffered the most immense loneliness of his life and not even his trust in wolfwood could really shake that loneliness, esp during that chapter where he had asked wolfwood if he was a guide, and hearing wolfwood's affirmative yes, imo, disheartened him, because he might've been hoping to hear something more… like a friend…! but wolfwood is PACKED with guilt and as much as he loved vash at that point and time, he knew that at the end of the day, he was still leading him to knives, as originally intended. how could he call vash as something more, something so personal and dear when that was a mission he hasn't abandoned? they just make me so ill, BUT ANYWAY… inevitably, i ramble about vashwood.

though, i do want to say also… it's funny to receive a question like this since you mention just trigun in general..! i was rereading pre-trimax and end of trimax just yesterday. i honestly don't think i'm good at grasping the overarching messages of stories, so my wording here may butcher the beautiful ending that trimax gives; but i am so floored constantly by stories that dive deep into giving the feeling of hope through the efforts of a collective and highlights connections and love between individuals… i think i remember reading nightow describing trigun as a story that shows all kinds of love and i really enjoy that. from familial love to platonic to romantic… i am blinded by shipping bias but frankly, nightow left SO many clues about the implied romance between vashwood all these years ago, So. taking their romance as canon with Pride.

i talk about vashwood a lot, but the bonds shared between vash and meryl, wolfwood and milly are also so important to me -- by extension, vash & milly, wolfwood & meryl too; this little group dubbed peace & love gang because all 4 of them fight for and believe in a future of peace & love so vehemently. the way they care for people and the kindness they embody… and the support they give each other…!!! it's unfortunate that trimax didn't give as much highlight to these 4 as a group, but nightow always leaves enough crumbs for me to snatch up and just start building my own headcanons about them… i want to elaborate on them more, but i'm hoping i can draw it out first one day!! i really like them!

but ok, i think i rambled enough DFMGKSMHKS i'm sorry i didn't really dive into specifics. if there are any specifics you or anyone would like my insights on, feel free to ask and i'll do my best to answer..! i don't think i'm much of an elaborate analyzer or anything, i just Love to ramble about my favorite things. i've considered making a side blog just to dedicate to my ramblings, but it is a really brave thing to do, so i'm not sure yet!

but thank you again for this ask and i really appreciate knowing others read my silly tags!!

#asks #if i had a forever i would spend it talking about trigun #i love this series soooooo much godddddd #thank you for the ask again !!!

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teememdee · 4 months

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2023 ART SUMMARY!!!

2023 was uhhhhhhh a year! And I made art! And I’m going to talk for a long time about everything I did month by month! Yippee!!!

original individual posts can be found in my #tanner art tag!

JANUARY

Started off the year with my favorite skrunklies sleepy and snuggling. Then sleeping together while holding one another is so incredibly important to me, they’re so cute and I needed to draw it. Struggled with Kai’Sa’s face but I particularly like the drapery of the pillow behind them.

FEBRUARY

First off, just a simple Kai’Sa piece for the Vibes(TM) and background practice. I was also fairly miserable and when I get miserable I draw Kai’Sa being miserable as well. I love my favorite character of all time <3

Then a quick Valentine’s Day piece, soft gradient map stuff. Love my skrunklies, hopefully this year I can make something for the day that isn’t rushed

MARCH

In March I FINALLY finished my Star Guardian Kahri fic, be the light to carry me, and drew Kiko and Ina being adorable together to go along with it. They’re SO cute and people LOVE that fic. Chapter 3 ended up being a whole 20k words and every time I re-read I’m amazed that I wrote it.

A kiss for Kai’Sa’s birthday! This was actually two sketches mashed together because I had a good Kai’Sa and a good Ahri on separate attempts. Love Kai’Sa’s smile on this one.

NOW. Strong contender for my favorite piece of the year. Captioned “please don’t lose yourself,” my K/DA-verse Kassadin’s very dead wife’s ghost weighs on him, begging him to not get lost in his grief and lose sight of their daughter. Kassadin feels lost and broken without her. I love the emotions in this one, and I think the idea comes across even without knowledge of my headcanons. Love it so much.

APRIL

Full-body piece that took me all month. I just love this one so much. It’s just pure Kahri, pure love, pure joy. Pose inspired by Blake Belladonna from RWBY’s leg pop during the long-awaited Bumblby kiss. This piece just makes me so happy.

MAY

Oops! No art! Was too busy being on a (student) film set every weekend as well as dealing with classes and multiple other stressors. I did START a piece though, but wouldn’t finish it until the middle of June.

JUNE

I actually did the first sketch of the Evelynn piece in February, but I decided to revamp it in May, and then when school finally set me free I finished it, and it turned out exactly how I wanted it to. Her hair was a labor to render but I'm so so pleased with how it looks, as well as the blood. The first time I've finished a fully rendered Evelynn piece!

Naafiri is so fucking cool. Upon her reveal, I was seeing so much incredible fanart and I just needed to get in on it. The shapes and points are just so good. I used to draw dogs all the time as a kid, and my younger self would absolutely flip out at seeing this. I did this piece in one day, and I have no idea how I pulled that background off but hopefully I can do it again some day lol

JULY

Two drastically different vibes here. Realized it had been forever since I had drawn Kahri so I just wanted to make a cute summertime piece. Their hands should be bigger and it bugs me but this is still really cute, I missed my girls dearly.

And then my very very sad man Kassadin being very very sad about his very very dead wife. This is what I call his phase 2 design, when he's at the peak of his grief (spiraling, as emphasized by the background) and feels just so sad and alone. In my head this and the March piece are part of a series that I hope to continue.

AUGUST

Just one piece that took me all month because I was quite busy in August, and Runeterra Kahri pieces take forever, but as I always say, it's always worth it. This pose comes from mellon_soup on instagram, who makes a lot of really great pose references for artists to use, highly recommend checking them out. This piece is just so soft to me. Captioned "'you're beautiful, you know that?'" they're saying it to each other, two people that struggle with their self image finding love and confidence in the other. Also I'm so very happy with the background. I love these two so so so so much, they're my world.

SEPTEMBER

One of my goals for this year was to branch out in the fanart I made. Baldur's Gate 3 came along and I love watching my best friend play it, we love Shadowheart and I just wanted to draw her. This came after a lot of sketches of both her and our favorite Tav that ended up changing how I draw eyes. The rendering of her face here is also something I'm proud of, her nose looks great. And again, the background! This piece didn't get a lot of attention at all but that's okay, I made it for me and I'm very happy with it.

OCTOBER

STAR WARS TOXIC YURI WENT CRAZY THIS YEAR!!! Wolfwren (Sabine Wren x Shin Hati, from the Ahsoka TV series) had me by the THROAT for a solid two months or so, I haven't been that feral and deranged over a ship in a hot minute. They had me frothing at the mouth every episode even though I did not like the show overall. Anyways. First piece is a redraw of the part in episode 4 where they just have the most charged eye contact of all time, and I decided to take that in stride with inspiration from Horimiya, a favorite anime of mine, during particularly emotionally charged moments, the background changes and there's a particular color silhouette behind them. It really fits that moment of the show and I am SO proud of these faces, especially Sabine's. Drawing from a real human face reference was kinda new to me but it's taught me a lot. The file size also ended up enormous somehow idk lol

Then, my most popular piece of the year, on both tumblr and twitter. I LOVE hand imagery, I love subtle hand touches, I churned this out in I think exactly one day, it's so soft it's so cute and I totally understand the overwhelming positivity it received.

NOVEMBER

I was not doing well at this time in the year. The state of the world just had me in a horrible mental state, I wasn't taking care of myself well at all, I couldn't get myself to make art, especially something happy or cute, it just felt wrong. But then sometimes you feel something so strong and specific there's no other way to process it than to make art. To make a long story short, earlier in the year I thought a girl liked me, I liked her back, but it turned out she did indeed have a boyfriend the whole time. We didn't see or talk to each other for a few months but in November we (and the bf, lol) met up again. When she saw me at the door she smiled at me so sweetly and it was just the worst feeling ever and I just had to hide it behind a smile and a wave. Oversharing aside, this is a style I'd wanted to execute for a while and I'm really pleased with how it turned out, would love to make more like this.

DECEMBER

All of this was done / finished in the first two weeks of the month because then I got sick + was visiting family + jet lag took me out. Kinda sad I didn't get something done for Ahri's birthday or a traditional Kahri Winter piece but that's what January is for. Anyway.

Sometimes you just want to draw girls kissing and sometimes you wanna make it a little suggestive. Not much to say. Proud of the drapery on Kai'Sa's sleeve and you can always tell I love drawing hands.

Now it's time for classwork. Here I just have two pages but I've posted the whole comic on its own, this was for my "Art and Text" class, I have it printed in a booklet and my classmates + friends have responded to it so sweetly I'm really proud, I really really want to make more comics. This project was a culmination of so many inspirations from other artists and I'm really happy with the execution even if it was really rough for me to manage my time well for that class.

Then for my "Fiction and Allegory" class, two of my friends and I made a storyboard film (which I don't want to share publicly, but if I know you you can ask for a link) and during the all-nighter two of us pulled to get it done on time, I decided one scene needed music instead of diegetic sound, so I churned this out on garageband in about an hour. Would definitely love to try my hand at making more music in the future. Wish my classmates / teacher liked / understood the film more but oh well. I learned a lot and for the thousandth time, I'm proud of what I did.

IN CONCLUSION:

I ended up with less full pieces than 2022 but what I did create in 2023 are big, detailed, emotional pieces, and I'm more than satisfied. I think my skills in rendering, backgrounds, and colors really improved and I'm looking forward to how I continue to improve in 2024. This upcoming year has a lot of scary stuff ahead (namely graduating college) but I will come out the other side regardless, hopefully with just as much art I'm proud of.

If you read all of this, thank you!! If you've liked, shared, or commented on any of my art, thank you!!!!!! It means the world, always.

#2023 art review #long post #this year had some good highs but also some drastic lows so idk #but making art is always a high #happy new year!#artists on tumblr #tanner art #tanner talks

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minimalist-language-learning · 26 days

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March roundup - Russian

And as promised in my last post, here's my Russian roundup of March!

(Anki) Russian starter deck (this one)

By now, I reviewed every card at least once! This deck is a good start. Each card presents a sentence which changes every day (so that you learn the words and not memorize the sentence). If you click on a word, you can check its definition. Plus, some cards contain grammar explanations. However, I noticed that some sentences are confusing. Sometimes because of the lack of context and sometimes because they contain difficult phrases. Even after checking the individual words and the translation of some phrases, it didn’t make sense to me. In cases like this all you can do is to memorize what this combination of words means. Anyways, I'll continue reviewing this deck.

(Anki) ru15k (this one)

I suspended all cards except for the first 1k cards to focus on them first. I'm currently reviewing 10 new cards per day. Maybe a bit low, but my main focus is reading. That's why I try to keep my daily Anki time below 30 minutes. To me, this deck is only a supplement.

(YouTube) Comprehensible Russian: Zero Beginner

I watched almost all videos from this playlist! I skipped a few videos because sometimes the audio quality is not good or the video was originally a private lesson where you hear the learner in the background (they sometimes talk in English in these videos). Sometimes she uses words I don't know yet but, overall, I can understand these videos well.

(YouTube) Comprehensible Russian: Beginner 1

I'll stay with this YouTube channel and continue with the Beginner 1 playlist. I watched 4 videos so far. They are pretty similar to the ones from the Zero Beginner playlist but the topics are a bit more complex.

Short Stories in Russian for Beginners by Olly Richards

I finished all short stories from this book! Since I started from zero I had to look up almost every word in the beginning which was hard, but I learned a lot along the way. The stories were not as exciting like a bestseller for example but there was always an interesting plot twist. They introduce many common words and repeat them regularly in their stories, which helps to get used to them. By looking up every unknown word I noticed a few small errors in the text (e.g. sometimes a wrong letter was used so when I put this word in an online dictionary it wasn't possible to find it at first). It’s not a big deal but learners should keep that in mind and be a bit cautious. (I've read the ebook version)

Short Stories in Russian for Intermediate Learners by Olly Richards

This graded reader is aimed at intermediate learners so it’s noticeably more difficult. But it’s still easier than the novel I started which is aimed at native speakers. Like with the other graded reader before, I noticed a few small errors in the text (like a wrong letter or a additional letter for example). It's not a big problem, just be a bit cautious. (I'm reading the ebook version)

Assimil (lesson 11 - 17)

I did one lesson per day in the beginning but I noticed that I had trouble with new words. After 10 lessons, I reviewed some lessons a few more times before going on. After that I decided to listen and read every lesson (at least) twice before moving on, means I listen and read a new lesson on one day and on the next day I review this lesson once more. I move on as soon as I can understand the dialogue without checking the meaning of words.

Две встречи в Париже

This book contains two stories. The first one is Медовый месяц в Париже and I finished the first chapter! This is my personal highlight from this month. I chose this book as my first novel in Russian because it contains two rather short stories. This makes it less daunting and overwhelming. I also bought the audio book. I read around one page per day. The story is interesting so far. I'm curious how it will continue.

Reading novels is very difficult at my level of course. Compared to the graded readers the used language is more complex. So I need to look up a lot of words. It's difficult but I take my time. Reading a real novel feels great and is a strong motivation!

Fit in 30 Tagen Russisch (textbook)

I bought this textbook years ago but after a few lessons I felt overwhelmed because in every lesson they introduce many new words and phrases at once and the grammar explanations were too complicated and dry. To me, textbooks like these are not very beginner friendly. (Assimil does a much better job in my opinion.) But since I bought this book I also want to use it in some way, so now I started to read the dialogues and listen to the audio. I treat it like graded readers and not like a textbook. I only use this book as additional (level appropriate) reading material.

Euronews article

News articles are very difficult at my level but I wanted to read another one because I was very interested in the topic. I looked up lots of difficult words but I also gained interesting information.

(YouTube) In Russian From Afar - Beginner Videos A1

Originally, I wanted to start with "Russian with Max" at this point but then I came across this channel and changed my plan. I like his videos for beginners more. I'll switch to "Russian with Max" when I can understand more. The videos I watched so far have Russian subtitles. I try to understand as much as I can from the video itself but if in doubt I check the subtitles.

Animal Crossing

I also started to play Animal Crossing in Russian! I loved playing AC in Japanese so I wanted to play it in Russian, too. It's surprisingly difficult for beginners. I need to look up much more words than I thought. When I played it in Japanese, my initial level was much higher so it was pretty easy to understand. That's why I was a bit surprised. XD But I think the beginning is the most difficult part of the game because they explain a lot. Later you have more freedom and it gets more relaxing. It's not easy at my level but I enjoy it a lot.

This game is great in my opinion because you can learn many words from context. Plus, by interacting with different objects and characters you'll get familiar with these words in a meaningful way. Like in my case, I quickly learned the words пала́тка (tent) and о́стров (island) because the first task in the game is to find a nice place to live on a untouched island. Once you get absorbed in a game (or book) you'll easily learn words that are important for the story or to fulfill a task in the game.

If you want to read something above your level, I recommend to use your smartphone and the Google Translate app to scan the text from the game (or book). As soon as the text is digitalized its much easier to look up words. I look up each unknown word and try to understand the sentence as best as I can. I save these texts from the game for later review. In most cases I ignore the translation from Google Translate, because I won't learn anything from relying on this translation. I learn the most if I look up unknown words and make an effort to understand the sentence myself. Only if I really can't make sense of a sentence I look at the translation for clarification.

#langblr #languagelearning #languageblr #self study #language learning #study russian #learning russian #russian novel #graded reader #animal crossing #Две встречи в Париже #Медовый месяц в Париже

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magicalara · 1 year

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The Story of Grelle the Reaper: A review by yours truly prt 2

So if you saw part 1 with the prelude hii did you get some water? Are you taking care of yourself? That was 1k words about something that itself was not even 200 and chapter 1 is like 5k words so...yeah. If you haven't seen part 1 to my review, you can find it here.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about nor what The Story of Grelle the Reaper is, then do I have a treat for you. The amazing @eemoo1o-animoo has been writing this origin story for everyone's favorite red reaper (which you can find here). My previous post was about the prelude and this one will be about Chapter 1: She Sells Seashells on the Seashore.

I will add on that I was messaging back and forth with Ell and so some of these things were what she had also brought up and made me think about so there's that too.

Add on from the Em who just finished this: this is a mess, I'm so sorry for anyone who reads this lmao

Okay so overall review, the use of word choice, the whole name thing (I’ll explain further), the dialogue, THE WEATHER, it’s all amazing. This chapter as a whole is a great first chapter to look into Grell’s general life and how he’s been living this whole time. Looking at it as someone trying to see it as a standalone as to be able to show it to a wider audience, it’s great. All the elements that make up an exposition are there. We get to know Grell as a main character as well as his father and mother as part of our main side characters. The dynamic between Grell and his parents individually is well explained and so thought out. All of my thoughts here are gonna be separated differently from the prelude so I’ll explain it now:

If you saw the last analysis, you’d know that it’s a compilation of paragraphs and pointed out quotes and that worked because of how the prelude is written like in terms of length and structure. This one is way too long to fit it all in like that so I’m gonna separate my thoughts into three sections which are named father, mother, and George as the chapter is separated into those three parts naturally already (not named that, though, that’s just what I’ve dubbed them as lol). Each section will be essentially like how I did the other one before with callouts to specific quotes but it will probably be more mixed in and in a paragraph format. Idk as of writing this if I’ll do bullet points, but we’ll find out together. Okay, on to section 1 of chapter 1!

Section 1: Father

So to kick off, I’m gonna first mention the whole name thing that I said I’d explain as well as the pronouns. Grelle, the Grelle that we know, didn’t always know that she was, well, a she. “She” was born a “he” and so chapter 1 gives us that “he”. Here we aren’t with Grelle, we’re with Grell. As such, the name not having the “e” at the end and the pronouns being he/him are very important to note. Moreover, I actually like this choice of not starting with a Grell/e that already knows who they are gender-wise. I know that first instinct would have many want to do just that, but for a formative piece like this, it wouldn’t fit. We aren’t here to see Grelle be the badass we know she is, we’re here for the angst /j.

Anyways, the use of the different versions of Grell is great and I think it’s really important to point out. I know some people may see it and be like “oh but isn’t that disrespectful” and while I am not the best representation of the trans community as a person who doesn’t even really know their own gender, I’d think it’d be disrespectful not to show Grelle as Grell. They can and do co-exist, to some degree. The erasure of one is just as bad as the erasure of the other.

Okay so I’m gonna go in order of just how the fic is written so as to not jump around too much. So the first thing I wanna point out is Grell’s body language in how he’s sitting. He’s described to be “in a much more tense and humble position, hands rubbing together like star cross’d lovers.” There is some wording here that I’m gonna pick at, first being “more…humble position”. First, there’s a power difference here. Grell isn’t in a more humble position just because he’s nervous (though that is a part of it). There’s also the fact that that’s his father and they have been in this position many times before. While I’ve never been fired from a job (knock on wood, thank god, please don’t fire me boss), I can’t imagine the part where I’d have to tell people would be very nice. Seeing how Friedrich sighed before he sat, he probably had to go get Grell too or, at the very least, was close enough to not have to be told like his mother does as mentioned in the future. That less humble position on his father’s side, though, shows who’s in charge which just further displays the power difference. We learn that this isn’t Grell’s first time losing a job later, but I’m sure that this stance has stayed the same since the first time. The nerves are just even higher now because this is just another time where Grell messed up.

The next wording I wanna point out (mainly just because I really like it) is how his hands are described as “rubbing together like star cross’d lovers”. The way that “star cross’d lovers” was spelt immediately jumped out at me and my fellow Em doesn’t do things by accident, not on desktop and not in this story. So, naturally, I looked it up. It comes from Romeo and Juliet, apparently (making a disclaimer here, I don’t like Shakespeare. I don’t like any of his works. I never have, and most likely never will. So yes, I have to look these things up. The Macbeth thing was a fluke because I had to study that god forsaken play two years in a row. Some things I know, but most I don’t so I will instead be going to our friend Google for help. Rant over, back to analyzing). I don’t think it means much story-wise, but it is a little snippet that alludes to how a lot of people think that Grelle is a Shakespeare nut, something which Ell’s notes also agree with. It’s a cute reference, I like it. When I first read it I was like “ha I see what you did there”.

Okay we’re moving on where I start the count of how many times Friedrich calls Grell “my boy” so I can comment on it later. We’re at one.

Grell’s out of work “again” (it is at this moment that this Em regrets using italics for all the quotes bc I’m hand typing them) which signifies what I already said about this not being the first time Grell’s been fired. The difference here, Grell defends himself. We aren’t told of how the other conversations may have gone, but it doesn’t take a genius to look at the words “Grell swallowed hard” and know that this is probably his first time trying to defend himself. This Grell is supposed to be a reflection of Butler Grell™ after all and Butler Grell™ was not the most confident of people let’s say. To keep with that, he also stutters while trying to say it. When I hear it in my head I also imagine that his voice is wobbly too. They don’t have the best relationship, hell they don’t even have a good one. But I’m supposed to be going in order so we’ll come back to this.

The next paragraphs are about the job that dear Grell just lost. There’s weather here, but it’s more just atmosphere things rather than emotional things (though I can argue about how it was this atmosphere that adds onto the lifeless bleak that is how Grell will get to, but I digress). Anyways so they’re (Grell and his former boss Sally Bones) working with fish and I totally understand why Grell’s feeling sick because I would be too. Don’t get me wrong, I like fish when I’m eating it, not when I’m looking at it while freshly dead. As I was reading, I literally felt myself getting nauseous along with Grell so if that was the mission, mission accomplished.

First for this part, the name Sally Bones. It sounds so generic and like something that I’ve heard a million times so I looked it up, as one does, and will now share what I found, as I do. The first thing that would come up no matter how I typed it was a character from a book series called Varjak Paw. Sally, in that context, leads, and I quote from the fan wiki, “the largest group of rogue cats in the city.” Sally Bones…cats….Sally Bones here….fish…hmmm. I don’t know if that was on purpose but if so, I like it and if not, I still like it. Sally Bones is also apparently a totem with blonde hair that people like to write in porta potties but that’s wildly off what’s happening here so there’s just a new piece of information for you.

Continuing on, the fish stuff. While Grell gets fired after seeing the harvest for fish eggs, probably salmon from what I gathered in research but it could be another kind, it’s not said what happens after. I watched a video and, again, I completely understand Grell’s being sick because just bleh. Not for me. I don’t know at the moment if this fish stuff will become important, but I’m keeping it in the back of my mind because pigs did get connected so I’m keeping fish around too.

Okay back to Grell and his father. (For those following along with the fic on another tab, we’re at “I do not care whose fault it was, Grell,”)

And actually, that’s a line I wanna bring up. This is the first of twice that Friedrich says a direct statement of holding back anger. The other time which comes later is a much bigger stretch to say, but can still be said to be out of anger, just in a much more manipulative sense. Friedrich has dealt with all of the times that Grell’s gotten fired and is said to have had to have paid for it too. He’s frustrated, I get it, I can understand where he’s coming from. One thing with Friedrich, though, is he’s a smart man. He knows his way around words and non-verbal language (which in this case relies on tone and body language). As soon as Grell tries to defend himself, Friedrich cuts him off and Grell goes right back to being small again. He remembers his place next to his father and just becomes smaller and smaller as time goes on. It’s even said specifically that Grell bows his head in an accustomed shame. He’s used to this, especially when with his father. This shame comes back in the George section, but we aren’t there yet, so I’ll leave it for then.

Add a count to the Friedrich calls Grell his son counter. And in the sentence he forgets his own son’s age *insert sarcastic woo here*. There’s not much to say, it’s just showing another way that Friedrich is showing his lack of interest with his son (his only son, as we come to learn).

We also get our first look into the development of Grelle and her want for children. Grell doesn’t know it yet, but the insinuation is there and I’m pointing it out. I know your future, Grell, you can’t hide from me.

Okay so this next part is speculation and very iffy and mainly just that Ell told me there was something here and that it starts here with Grell listing out all of the jobs that he had previously. I was told to look at the scene where Grelle is talking about Beast’s death in the anime for Book of Circus. So I did. If we’re talking about speech patterns, then that’s something that I’ll have to keep in the back of my head to see throughout the whole thing. If we’re talking story-wise and what Grelle’s saying rather than how, I’m completely lost lol. My thought process went like this if we’re talking story-wise: scullery maid (that’s what Beast’s mom was), scullery maids are the lowest of the low servants and are assistants who do laborious tasks often working for the kitchen maids and are also the youngest usually, all of Grell’s jobs have something to do with kitchens (milk, eggs, bread, pig) so maybe that’s it. Grelle also calls Beast an “ugly old sow” but I don’t think that connects to anything really other than hey look more mentions of pigs. Essentially, the two things that this could lead to (from what I’ve gathered) are just speaking patterns when it comes to listing, or scullery maid in the kitchens.

We’re not done with this paragraph, though, nope not at all. Two things, then we can move on. First, donkey’s don’t have cud. For those who don’t know, cud chewing happens when an animal's stomach sends food back to the mouth to be chewed a second time. I know that donkey’s don’t chew cud because my mother is Jewish and there are dietary restrictions and stuff and donkeys aren’t allowed to be eaten because they don’t chew cud and don’t have split hooves. So take that baker, you don’t know what you’re talking about. That, or I’m taking this too literally. Oh well…Second! The pigs are back. So Grell “really, truly hated pigs.” but also, as I pointed out in the prelude, there is pig blood on him (or I guess by then, her). Whether this will be a change in heart or profession at some point, or maybe just a murder spree, is something we’ll have to find out as we get closer to the scene from the prelude.

Okay moving on (I’m gonna try and go a bit quicker now bc we’re edging 2.5k words and haven’t moved past section two sjsjsj)! Friedrich starts heavy here with his digs of “wtf is wrong with you” type stuff, especially when he says that “it’s as if you [Grell] intend on not working at all!” Throughout the whole conversation, Friedrich talks down to Grell as if he’s a child rather than a 27 year old which I can understand to an extent but ultimately isn’t the right way to go about everything. There’s a quick interjection about Grell feeling sick again about the image of cutting into an animal to “rearrange his insides” which to me is funny considering we all know how murdery Grelle becomes. It’s with the next paragraph and the next bit of dialogue that really kicks off what I like to call manipulation (also add one to the “my boy” count).

“Not many fathers would be as pliant with you after so many years of this… this… insolence.” That line is so hard hitting because, well, it’s true. A lot of fathers would have thrown him out already; this pattern of not being able to keep jobs just would not stand. Most of all, Grell knows it. He’s nervous because of it, as his dialogue and own body language goes on to say.

Friedrich continues on with his little scolding speech and I won’t pick at every line he says but just know he goes back and forth between the blatant digs while also having that like fake niceness in between. What I will point out for those who saw it and decided not to look it up, what he’s saying in German to Grell is “Damn boy. You will be the death of your family, I know that.” This has a double meaning to it as he means, literally, the death of the family in terms of lineage as Grell is an only child with still no heir of his own and, figuratively, the death of the family if he can’t get his shit together.

We continue on with Friedrich trying to just be like “yeah, we’ll find you something, it’ll be great.” but Grell, having gone through this cycle many times already, doesn’t display the body language that he obviously wants from his child. Grell purposefully makes himself small. Granted, Grell isn’t a very confident person regardless and would probably have issues with generally any and everything he came to do. Word choice I wanna point out here is that Grell is trying to make himself “small and remorseful”. The “remorseful” part specifically makes me think that part of this is Grell playing it up so that this conversation can finally be over and done with. I think that Friedrich picks up on this too which is why he goes in deep and says that he’ll kick Grell out of the house. They say that eyes are the window to the soul, but that “gentle” look in Friedrich’s eyes, I don’t buy it. Does he probably have good intentions inside, yeah, of course he does, that’s his son, his only child. But uh all those scenarios where Grell’s imagining his father throwing him out? Horrendous behavior right there. That tells me a bit differently.

AND THEN HE KEEPS GOING!! Friedrich pulls the “I’m only doing what’s best for you.” card!! And then he goes on and continues to repeat the “not everyone would be like this yk” bullshit and as someone who’s heard the whole “you should be grateful” speech many times, it’s not a tactic of motivation. It’s a tactic of manipulation. Friedrich is manipulative and this is a hill I will die on.

But the conversation moves on and Friedrich dismisses Grell to the kitchen to deliver the news to his mother. The way that Friedrich tells him is absolutely criminal in my opinion, but whatever, I’ve gone off enough about how my initial reactions to this man aren’t positive.

So before I move on to section 2 (omg we’re almost there, it’s real), there are two things I wanna go over. First, the name Friedrich. The rough meaning of it is “peaceful ruler” and the name was first given to a bishop. The last part “ric” can also mean power. He has power over Grell as his father. You see what I’m doing here. Just wanted to say. Also I was told by Ell that Friedrich is a first generation immigrant and that his original last name was Schadenklippe. So I googled the name. I got nothing lol. The page was blank. So I googled it separately. “Schaden” means damage in German and “Klippe” means cliff, so that was a start. Schaden is a verb for doing harm or causing damage. So he causes damage to Grell there, boom, analysis over thank you for coming. No, but, I’m just saying because I had this info given to me so I might as well overthink it.

The other thing is what separates the sections as they naturally are from each other. If you’re on desktop, you might not be able to see it, I know I couldn’t until I was on mobile. But it’s a record. A cinematic record, if you will. If you don’t understand the implications of that then I’ll give you a minute…got it? No? I’m telling you anyway: we’re watching Grelle’s records. This is a confirmed fact Ell confirmed it so it’s real. There was also a possible joke made that this is like Eric who’s watching it which would mean that Eric would have been the one to have reaper Grelle which is like to me the best thing ever. But it could’ve been a joke. Ell is cruel like that with me as I am simply just a lowly puppet on the strings which her big brain is holding up /j (the big brain part, though, that’s true y’all they’ve got some serious brain power).

But this FINALLY leaves us at the end of section 1. Onto section 2 which will be hopefully shorter for your sakes and mine.

Section 2: Mother

Okay I’m gonna try to not make this as long as section 1 was let’s see how well we fare.

First thing’s first, Ell revealed to me Grell’s mother’s name and is allowing me to use it here. Her name is *drum roll* Hilary. So the name Hilary means cheerful or happy and the Greek origins of the name come from the word for gracious. In other words, Hilary is not sad and will be giving us wholesome moments :D until they’re not wholesome anymore, of course, because we all know where this fic is ending up eventually and with all the scenes that Ell has alluded to me about…yeah that’s all I’m gonna say.

So uh remember how I mentioned the weather? Yeah well there wasn’t really any weather in the last section but there is now! It is sunny and nice(ish) out and sunshine means happy times are afoot. Which kinda makes sense considering how Hilary’s name means happiness, after all. The sun is usually used to show positivity and life in literature. Keep this weather in mind as it is here, it really helps set the atmosphere.

Next thing to point out (this is where I’m back to going in order for those following with the fic I’m right after Hilary asking Grell if he thinks the sun will stay out) Grell is a momma’s boy. Rather than tell her the truth which would probably make her sad, he holds out hope that the sun will stay out. This is the first instance of momma’s boy Grell, we see more as it goes on.

So now we’re at the inevitable confrontation. Hilary suggests a celebration for Grell’s job which she doesn’t know he lost yet. The way that she talks about things is just so much different from how Friedrich does, specifically when talking to Grell. I know that the contexts are different; he’s essentially scolding for losing another job while she’s blissfully unaware, but even just the way that Grell mentions how Hilary might react if Friedrich did kick him out shows that she’s most definitely the less harsh of the two parents. Hilary exudes warmth, that’s what I’m trying to say, basically.

I wanna mention an analogy that I forgot to mention here because I think it’s a beautiful way of putting her ignorance and hope: “...suddenly the kitchen felt warm as she smiled at the thought, wrapping the notion in a handkerchief and putting it in her lunchbox of faith.” This is technically about Hilary hoping the sun stays out, but I think it has a deeper meaning in the end. Hilary likes to keep hope out for things, she’s positive about situations, even little ones like the sun staying out. This extends to how she most likely views Grell and his whole, to put it lightly, inability to do much. She wraps the notion of hope in a handkerchief and puts it in her lunchbox of faith. She loves her son, and there’s nothing that’d change that and if something does change that I will start to cry (/hj).

So Grell’s trying to tell his mother, whom he loves so much, that he lost yet another job. And he just can’t do it. He can’t look at the woman he loves most in this world at that moment and tell her that he disappointed the family again. Looking at the comparison of their hands, a mother who loves her son and a son who loves his mother, Grell just can’t bring it to him to tell her. I like the comparison of their hands. 10 PM Em who had a day full of going to a party and so. many. errands. who I know for a fact won’t go back and edit this can’t tell you why, but know that I do.

A lot of this section is just kinda setting up Grell and his momma, particularly Hilary. Her ability to find the positives and be blissfully ignorant, whether from her own will to ignore the bad or just true ignorance to reality, is a contrast from the realist and literal person that is her husband. Grell might have gotten his smarts from his father, but you can tell that a lot of his personality most likely comes from his mother rather. Sure he might not have the childlike wonder or the ignorance, but he has the compassion and empathy, even if we’ve only seen it with his mother up to this point.

There are mentions of birds as well (for those following along we’re at the paragraph which starts “Oh, aren’t they lovely?”), specifically blue and coal tits. Spiritually, the blue tit represents happiness. It can also be an omen of love on the way as it represents love and trust as well. It can even represent the arrival of a bright future. This can be symbolic to how Grell’s future may play out. While we fans of Kuro already know what’s going to eventually happen, and we know it is much less than happiness, I think that there will be pieces of happiness before the fall. In order to fall from a great height, one has to get to that height in the first place, after all. Alternatively, we could ignore the happiness and omens of love and take it solely for the bright future which could be symbolic of her future as a reaper. It’s another fall from a great height, buuuttt, Grelle as a reaper seems to be really good at her job. Sure, William might chastise her for being lazy, but he does the same to Ronald and we know that he’s also a pretty competent reaper. Grelle gets what she needs to do and is a strong reaper, able to go against who is probably the strongest reaper we know of in the series, the Undertaker. Grell has a bright future ahead once he figures out who he really is as Grelle and in the profession of a grim reaper, both which are symbolized by the blue tit. Similarly, robins, which are also mentioned, can represent a myriad of things such as the arrival of new beginnings, redemption, and happiness. Once again, this can be symbolizing an ascension before the fall or Grelle in the future. I’m leaning more towards future Grelle because of the whole new beginnings part, but that’s up to the reader. There are other tits mentioned but I couldn’t find anything about them so we’re leaving it with the blue tit and robin.

With all the beautiful birds, there’s also one that’s mentioned to be disfigured and ugly. Despite that, Hilary still wants to help it out. I want to say that this bird is supposed to represent Grell, in a way. Compared to all the other men his age, he’s disfigured. He doesn’t have a stable job (let alone a job in the first place), a family of his own, not even a wife or girlfriend at the very least. Compared to the rest of society, he’s disfigured. Despite that, his mother still wants the best and wants to help him. All of this feels like foreshadowing to me, but I could be reading into things just way too much. We’ll see as more comes out.

Part 2 and 3 of Grell being a momma’s boy, he cuts the bread for her and later on goes to make a list of groceries for her rather than having her write it herself so he can go get some things that are needed. Hilary has a form of arthritis and so this is just another way that he can help look after her. He’s a good son and I love them so much, they’re so cute. It is a little worrying that it’s mentioned that it shouldn’t be as bad as it is given the time of year, but I’m going to brush over it for now and just keep it in mind for later.

There’s mention of a baker, Hargroves, but I doubt that he’s going to be too important so I won’t do much with him. (His name means “from the hare’s grove”) All that the paragraph really reveals is just more about Hilary’s personality and kindness as she would refuse free food, even from a friend/referenced past lover.

The last thing I wanna point out is the last phrase “sweet in gesture, bitter in procedure.” which is in reference to a kiss that Hilary gives Grell before he leaves to go get the stuff. Like I said before with the hands, 10 PM Em can’t say what and if I figure it out while I sleep I'll come back and edit this and if this is still here, know that I forgot. Okay? Okay. From what I can say right now in my state, Grell loves his mom and so the gesture is sweet, however all the underlying things that he never said or made known makes the whole thing bitter. I’m probably wrong, but that’s what I got.

Section 3: George

Last section woooo! Can you tell I’m losing my mind?

First thing’s first, the weather. It’s back to being grey and gloomy out. This grey and gloomy is probably going to be a recurring thing, not just because that’s the weather in Cornwall but also because it’s symbolism for Grell’s overall being. It’s like how in the prelude it was storming while Grelle was killing herself and how it’s much warmer and sunshiny with Hilary. Grell is just overall grey right now, and the weather reflects that.

The chapter opens with more Grell and Hilary bonding moments from the past and it’s cute, they’re cute, we know this. He’s helping her with her handwriting and we’ve seen Grelle’s handwriting in one of the chapters (I can’t remember which) but it looked really nice so it makes sense that he’d want to help. Hilary also apparently knew a lot of what was going on, which is like cool to me.

Quality control is here now everyone I went to sleep and now it’s the next day and I can properly think. For those wondering, no I’m not going back and editing the previous portions. I think it’s funny to see me descending into madness because I’m weak and can’t stay up past like 11 PM on a good day and function. I’m more functioning now, let’s continue.

So we’re gonna talk hair now because that’s where I left off. I tried looking up the significance of long hair on men in cultures, but I don’t think that that’s where anything is going to connect. Rather, the long hair is significant to Grell/e themselves. When Grell, there isn’t really a reason for him to have his hair long. In the late 18th century, it was commonplace (mainly in the 1780s) for men to lightly powder their hair, but by the 1790s, it was really only something that the older men did. Considering that it’s outright stated that Grell doesn’t like (or at least isn’t fond of) his hair, he doesn’t have a reason to have it long. Honestly, I just thought that Butler Grelle (who this Grell is based off of) had their (?? idk what pronouns to use for Butler Grelle I’m just gonna use they/them) hair long because it would’ve been easier for Grelle herself, but I digress. It doesn’t seem like Grell’s ever had his hair really short, so the fact that he does can either be a surface level keeping his mother (who does seem to like it) happy or a deeper subconscious where it kinda feels right but he can’t figure out why and he doesn’t like it but can’t part with it. Then again, we do know that Grelle has her hair short in the OVA and so the long hair could eventually be cut down to that length to show her moving on from her past, as the cutting of hair usually symbolizes the end of a chapter in life. That one’s probably the most probable.

So now we get into the meat of this section where George and unnamed other man friend of George come across Grell while he’s out. Grell is not ready for this interaction, obviously, and I won’t lie, I was kinda scared reading this part. At first I thought they were gonna be like mean and not friendly at all, which isn’t completely the case. They’re just people who know Friedrich.

George and unnamed man kind of take the whole time to just talk about Grell as if he isn’t right there in front of them. They talk about the struggle to get a job, what he looks like, the fact that he’s pretty quiet (not even saying a word the whole conversation), and even talking about Hilary right there in front of him.

The main reason that Grell doesn’t speak is because of a) the discomfort he’s feeling and b) the overwhelming anxiety coursing through him. He’s become very aware of the fact that his father talks about him and goes through a mess of thoughts as he overthinks it all. In fact, he overthinks everything that’s said to him, a testament to his horrible confidence in himself. Anyways so I’m gonna pick apart what they say about Grell now so bullet point time!

“Your father tells us you’re struggling to get a job.”

Friedrich talks about Grell during his work. We never get clarity on exactly who George and Co. are to him, but it’s people who at the very least have known him for long enough to have known of Grell since he was somewhat younger and have interacted with Friedrich in the near past. Either way, Friedrich talks about Grell during work or just while out and so yeah.

The whole looks like his mother or father thing

When being described as looking similar to his mother, Grell’s happy and gets a genuine blush. At this moment here, before realizing that “he” might not be “him” after all, Grell’s just happy to be compared to his mother in a positive light. He’s described as feeling “lighter” and that it feels like the sun has come out (more weather symbolism where sunshine = happiness = Hilary). Then George says that he’s more like his father and Grell just deflates. There was a post that Ell had reblogged about this scenario too that I connected to this and that one gets to a more subconscious level. Basically, it’d be that Grell liked being compared to his mother over his father because it means that he’s seen in a more feminine way which, as a mtf trans person, would be ideal.

There’s the misunderstanding with Grell shaking his head at his own thoughts and George and Co. thinking he means otherwise, but there isn’t really anything there besides him (Grell) almost speaking but getting interrupted in the end

George and Co. talking about Hilary also doesn’t have much to say except that Grell got somewhat visibly upset

“broad-buckled and like a cryptid he remained.”

This is another way to show Grell not being confident. A lot of times, people will feel huge and like a monster when they don’t fit in (and use it as a reason why they wouldn’t fit in). I’m explaining it poorly, but the best most recent place I can remember it being used is in Taylor Swifts’ MV for Antihero (I think, don’t quote me on that, it’s one of the recent ones) where she’s much bigger sitting in a dining room. The lyrics reflect it as well when she sings “Sometimes, I feel like everybody is a sexy baby/And I’m a monster on the hill”. The feeling is similar to that

“Friedrich said that was his namesake, aye.”

The name Grell means “rough angry.” I have no idea what they’re talking about. But okay.

There’s more to this, but I feel like we need more info on Friedrich in order to make the connection (or at least, I need more info) so it’s another thing going to the back of the mind.

“Have you taken a liking to the family profession, yet, lad?”

Irony. Grell doesn’t like the “visceral mutilation” of his father’s profession. Grelle does. She even finds a wife out of it (Redcliff supremacy idc). It is nice that Friedrich at the very least never pushed Grell into going into the medical business, only using it as a last resort or empty threat, but I still don’t like him very much right now.

Okay we’re at the end now so back to paragraphs. We’re just at where they say that it’s a shame that Grell doesn’t follow in Friedrich’s footsteps as he is a great man. Grell can’t imagine having a similar life as his father as a husband and father himself; it makes him sick to do so, enough to rush away. He states how he’d never feel a true connection with his imaginary kids and it sickens him. Grell does not want to be the man nor person his father is or ever would be. Grell doesn’t want the family (kinda), he doesn’t want the wife he pretends to love, he doesn’t want the strained relationship with his kids. He doesn’t like it, and there’s nothing wrong with that. The only thing wrong here is the expectation that that’s what he needs to succeed. As a person who doesn’t want nor has ever wanted kids of my own, I can relate to the kids part. Constantly I get told that I’ll change my mind when I’m older and I have a partner of my own who does want kids, but I know that that will never happen. Kids aren’t needed to be successful, and neither is a proper family. Unfortunately, the stereotypical family man of the late 1700s is what’s expected of Grell and so he can’t really promote his thinking of otherwise, especially when he’s the one carrying the family reputation in a sense.

~~~

If my over 6k word analysis is to say anything, let it be this, this story is filled with so many things that I love and can’t wait to see where it goes. I’m gonna start a taglist for this, so if you wanna be added, tell me and I’ll add you. And let me know what you all think of my ideas as well or share any ideas you may have!! Comments and asks are open so please, I love talking about this and as the appointed co-number one fan and analyzer, talk to me about it and I will love you forever. Okay that’s all I’m gonna go take a fat nap now haha. Until next chapter!

Taglist: @hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji @superjelly11

#the story of grelle the reaper #tsogtr #em's analysis #em's recs #em's obsessions #kuroshitsuji #kuroshitsuji grelle #kuroshitsuji grell #black butler #black butler grelle #black butler grell #grelle sutcliff #grell sutcliff #analysis #fic analysis

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canonicallyobserving911 · 5 months

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Seven Several Sentences Sunday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 15 is available on AO3 & Chapter 16 will be posted soon.

Currently 15 chapters completed: 484.9K Words Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

I'm so excited to finish writing Chapter 16 because there are so many things happening for Buck and Eddie and the Diaz Family. For anyone who hasn't read Chapter 15, here's a brief overview: Buck and Eddie got engaged and they're in the process of planning the day their going to get married but it's different from the day they're planning to have an actual ceremony. They're getting married in December 2023 but the ceremony won't take place until May 2024 so they can invite their found family and Eddie's family to the ceremony. Buck told Eddie he wants to take his last name and they immediately started saying they're going to be Mr. & Mr. Diaz. Also, two more people discovered they're in a relationship but who was it and what did they see? Bobby already knows so who else saw something that caused them to believe they're already together?

___________

Here's some more romantic fluff between Buck and Eddie from Chapter 16.

___________

“Clipboard Buck” returns!

When Eddie enters the kitchen, the first thing he sees are the three lists Buck placed on the table along with his clipboard. He quietly chuckles because he hasn’t seen it in months but if he’s honest with himself, he’ll admit he’s missed it. Even though everyone else at the firehouse gets annoyed whenever they see his fiancé wielding his clipboard and ink pen, he doesn’t and he never has. Actually, every time he saw Buck using it to check things off one of his lists, it always turned him on.

He absolutely adores “Clipboard Buck” and now that they’re getting married, he’ll get to reap the benefits of authoritative Buck for the rest of their lives. He can’t wait until they start scheduling all the rest of their adventures so his husband will get all excited as he plans their itineraries.

Buck’s standing in front of the stove spraying the skillet with cooking spray, the Bluetooth speaker is playing and even with the kitchen door open, he hasn’t realized Eddie’s entered the room.

He walks over, stands behind his fiancé, with a big smile on his face, he wraps his arms around his waist and says, “Really my love? You pulled out your clipboard?”

Buck turns his head to the side so he can look at him. “Indeed I did because we have a lot to do and it’s how I keep everything organized. I don’t just use it at the firehouse.”

Eddie leans closer and whispers into his ear, “I know but be sure to pack your clipboard for our trip to Italy and England so I can…” He lowers his voice even more, says something naughty and when he finishes talking, he places a soft kiss underneath his earlobe.

“I’ll pack more than one so we can do that every night.” Buck replies with his million-dollar smile that he saves just for Eddie.

What items does Buck have included on their three ‘To Do’ Lists? 👀

Also, will they have time to get everything done before they leave L.A. headed to Rome, Italy? 👀

___________

__________

Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 16 - Will be posted soon.

__________

Read chapters 1-15 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 16 will be posted soon.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #christopher diaz #the buckley diaz family #buckley diaz family #911 on abc #911 abc #buddie fanfic #ao3 fanfic #911 fanfic #Fanonwriter2023 on AO3 #Hiatus Reading #"I'm still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!#Seven Sentence Sunday #Several Sentences Sunday #buddie wip

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cambria-writes · 2 years

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happy update day!

i literally finished this an hour ago, then i ran out for an errand, and now here i am. i've started work on ch9, and i'm already like 30% done.

i don't really know how many more chapters we've got to go; we're just finishing up on episode 5 in this one, next chapter stars in episode 6 so... math says we've got like maybe five chapters to go? i'm probably gonna write eight more lmao i don't know when to stop. i lied cause i almost accidentally posted the wrong chapter lmao but we still got several chapters to go babes!!

my ask box is always open, i love reading your comments, and the taglist is always open!!

...i'm gonna go fix the format of the other fics so everything's consistent now lol we love aesthetic evolution

pairing: eddie munson x reader rating: T-M, each chapter rated individually warnings: guns, active shooting, minor character death, mention of a corpse, lots of swearing, reader passes out, ADND should come with its own warning, DND references in general, kind of an anxiety attack, let me know if i need to tag anything else! word count: 3,365

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𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓: 𝔄𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔩 𝔖𝔭𝔢𝔩𝔩

March 23rd, 1986

It takes maybe a second, but for that one second, you feel like your body’s being pulled in every single direction at once. Your stomach rises up into your throat and lights burst behind your eyelids, accompanied by the worst, searing pain. The only thing you can think of is not letting go of Eddie’s hand.

And then it stops as soon as it starts.

You’re on your knees, doubled over on the road, gasping for breath. It takes a few seconds of jamming the palms of your hands into your eyes to start seeing again. You think you hear Eddie somewhere off to your right. You struggle getting to your feet, the cold like claws digging into your muscles and your thin sweater is doing nothing to help.

When you feel for your nose, your hand comes away bloody again. Snort and spit out the blood before making your way over to Eddie. He’s at least still mostly standing, hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath. He holds an arm out to keep you away while he straightens up.

“I’m good,” He croaks. “Just need a sec.”

“We don’t have a second,” you whisper harshly, moving forward to grab him by the arm. “We need to go.” You don’t listen to his complaints as you start dragging him towards the road. “Mind the vines.”

“The hell do you mean mind the vines?”

“Exactly what I said,” you reply, picking up the pace once Eddie seems to be able to move on his own. “Your lich king uses them to track movement or something, it’s some weird kinda hive mind.”

“Hive mind? You’re kidding me.”

“Wait, hey—don’t do that!” you shout, pulling him back from one of the thicker vines by the side of the road. “You wanna fucking die in this place cause that’s a good way to do it!”

Eddie turns around to look at you and his face is blank for a second. “You’re... really not kidding.”

“Look around you, Ed! Does it look like I’m kidding?” You put your arms out and take a few steps back. “Look, actually look. Does this look like home to you?” You scoff and turn back towards the road. “Come on. It wasn’t too far.”

It takes a bit before you hear Eddie jogging to catch up with you. He stays silent while he walks to your right. You flex your fingers around the handle of the gun and keep staring straight ahead.

“So you...” Eddie trails off, walking a bit closer to brush your shoulders together. “You’ve been having nightmares about this place the whole time?”

“Yep,” you emphasize the P with a pop. “November 1983.”

“Wait, isn’t that when the Byers kid went missing?”

You hum and shrug, take a second to jump over a particularly large vine crossing the road. “Yeah, well. Everything kind of all went to shit from thereon out. Clearly,” you motion vaguely around young. “It hasn’t stopped.”

“So like, how much further?” Eddie asks, and the nervous edge on his voice could probably be heard from a mile down the road.

You take a second to squint and try and look further down the road. There doesn’t seem to be anything for as far as you can see. You grab at Eddie’s arm to make him stop.

“It... it shouldn’t be farther out than this,” you say quietly, turning to look around. “Do you see anything?”

“Nah,” Eddie answers slowly. “I’m not... are you sure this is the right way?”

“I thought so...” you trail off.

When you turn back to face the way you were going down, you get the same creeping feeling at the back of your neck as you did earlier.

“Eddie, I think we need to go back.”

“Oh, now you’re agreeing that this is a terrible idea,” he scoffs.

You’re about to smack him when something snaps in the woods off to your left. You raise your gun and make sure it’s cocked.

“Hey, what the hell was that?” Eddie whispers, side stepping a few feet to get closer to you.

“I don’t know,” you whisper back, keeping your gun aimed at the woods but slowly stepping back. “We should probably—”

Something rushes out of the trees and skitters to a stop in the middle of the road, about thirty or fourty feet ahead of out. You stop breathing for a second, until the thing turns its head towards you, and its entire face opens up with a flower and a a deafening screech.

“Holy shit,” Eddie breathes, grabbing your shoulder and pulling you back. “take us back, take us back!”

You pull the trigger once and miraculously, despite shaking hands and the missing ability to breathe, you manage to hit the thing straight in whatever it has that passes for a mouth. It lets loose another screech before it starts running right at you.

“What the hell was that for?!” Eddie screams, dragging you back to start running. “We have to go!”

“Shit, shit, shit I’m trying!” you shout back, flailing to grab a hold of Eddie’s arm. “Stay still!”

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

You dig your heels in to make Eddie stop and pull him back to you. You can hear the thumping of the monster running behind you, but you close your eyes against everything anyways.

The sound of feet hitting pavement fades away with the screech and Eddie’s screaming. And for a second, again, you feel that weightlessness and gut-wrench. When the ground meets your feet again, though, you don’t have any strength in your legs left to hold you up and you crumple in the middle of the road, boneless.

“Fuck, fuck!” Eddie screams, and you can barely lift your head to look at him. When you do, your vision is too blurry to make anything out.

You do, however, see a body on the pavement, just behind him.

“Ed,” you whisper, pulling an arm out from under you. “Ed, be... behind you,” you choke out, pointing.

“Wh-what are you,” he starts, but stumbles back clean onto his ass after he turns around. “Holy shit,” he whimpers, twisting to look back at you. “He—Chrissy—”

“Ed,” you mumble, letting your cheek rest back on the road. “I’m gonna... I’m gonna pass out.”

“What? Wait, no, no, no—”

The funny thing about unconsciousness is that it’s not quite a lack of consciousness. It’s like you can feel and hear everything in bursts, but only in some kind of periphery.

You can feel yourself being carried, kind of, and you can hear someone talking, almost, but none of it ever feels close enough to properly register, and you can barely remember any of it a few seconds after you almost feel it.

When you open your eyes again, it’s still pitch black outside if the curtained window is anything to go by, but there’s light coming from down the hallway from the bedroom. Your whole body aches—you can feel scrapes on your legs against your jeans and your palms are burning. There’s a headache blooming behind your eyes again, and it nearly burns every time you breathe in through your nose.

When you groan and try to roll over, you entirely miscalculate how far the edge of the bed is, and fall clean off when you can’t get your legs around in time. The sound must clearly alert Eddie in whichever part of the house he’s in, because no sooner does your head meet the floor do you hear clattering, swearing, and furious stomping down the hall. You’ve managed to prop yourself up on your elbows by the time he reaches the doorway.

“H-hey, you,” you try to greet casually, but the migraine splitting your skull is making it hard to get anything else out.

“Don’t “hey you” me you fucking menace,” Eddie grumbles, moving over to reach under your arms to help you back up to sit on the bed. He crouches in front of you when you’re settled, elbows on his knees and head hanging with a sigh. “You mind telling me what happened and why you felt the unrestrained need—“ Eddie cuts himself off when his voice begins to rise and he sees you visibly wince at the volume. “Sorry, sorry. Just, what happened?”

You shrug and pinch your eyes shut. “I really don’t know. It’s like that second plane shift took it all out of me.” Eddie nods for a second, but seems to realize something and shakes his head furiously.

“Yeah, okay, that’s good to know and everything, but I was talking about that freaky dog thing that ran right for us with the venus fly trap face.”

You snort at the description but stay quiet for a second, trying to think through the migraine. “Henderson called them, uh… Demodogs? I think? They’re like the Demogorgon but quadrupedal instead of bipedal.”

You can hear Eddie cursing Dustin under his breath before he puts his hands on your knees. “Anything else you can tell me?”

You frown and shake your head a bit. “Any-anything else? What—”

“I dunno, like, how to kill them? What they’re susceptible to? Literally anything?”

You bring your hands up to your face and dig your fingers into your eyes. “I can’t-I can’t think. Can you get my painkillers or something? My head’s killing me.”

Eddie rushes out of the room without a word. You let yourself fall back on the bed. Try to recall the nightmares from before. There was that time two years ago when Chief Hopper was stuck in the tunnels and he managed to clear the vines with fire… so maybe your harebrained thought of making a flamethrower wasn’t too absurd after all.

“Here,” Eddie says, entering the room while shaking a pill bottle out into his hand. He caps it back up and grabs the bottle of water he had wedged under his arm and hands it to you.

You sit back up with a groan and whisper your thanks. Twist open the bottle, accept and throw back the pills, and drain half the bottle in one go. When you gasp and wipe your mouth, you take the time to properly look at Eddie.

He’s pale, clearly shaken up. And now that you’re paying attention, you can see the trembling of his hands on his knees as he crouches in front of you, and you can make out a bead of sweat going down his neck. You reach out to wipe away a smear of something from his cheekbone with your thumb.

Your nose feels itchy and your eyes are burning. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. Swallow thickly. “I-I’m so sor—”

“Hey, no,” Eddie mutters, holding onto the wrist nearest his face and bringing his other hand up behind your neck. “Hey, none of this is your fault. We’re both just caught up in some bullshit, we didn’t ask for it. You’re good.” He gives the back of your neck a squeeze and you let yourself fall into his shoulder. “You’re good. We’re fine. We’re gonna be fine.”

“Man I’m sorry for crying you much,” you choke out between sobs, grabbing at Eddie’s denim vest. “I just—I can’t—”

“None of that.” The fact that you can hear the shaking in Eddie’s voice tears a desperate wail from you. “It’s okay, just let it out. Just let it out.”

And you do.

All the fear and the frustration, the confusion; you sob it out. The consuming rage of not being listened to, of being called insane; the confusion of never knowing when you’ll end up in that-that hellscape again, and whether or not it’s going to be real; the certainty that if you talk about what happens to you again that you’ll just be sent back to another hospital. Maybe permanently this time.

Worst of all is the knowing, now, that all your nightmares were real. Maybe the details were off, here and there, but the people you saw dead died. There is another Hawkins and there are monsters there. And, for some god forsaken reason, you can go there.

“Hey,” you hear Eddie whisper your name. “Can-can you breathe with me? Can you do that?” he asks, and the fingers at the back of your neck start to scratch lightly at your nape. It takes a second, but you nod; you know you’re hyperventilating, now that the crying has stopped, and you know you need to get a grip. “Alright, okay,” Eddie continues, resting his chin on top of your head. “In seven, hold for two, out for four. Got it? In seven, hold two, out four.”

You nod again, and try inhaling when he does. When you start coughing, he whispers that it’s okay, and you try again. After a few failed attempts, and once the burning in your chest starts subsiding, you finally manage to match your breathing to the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest.

“There you go,” he sighs on the exhale, giving the back of your neck one last squeeze before moving his hands to your shoulders and pulling you away just enough to get a good look at you. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” you whisper back, doing your best to offer a watery smile. Take a deep breath. “Thanks. For helping.”

“Well, hey,” Eddie chuckles, patting your right shoulder. “Thanks for not letting me get eaten by a freaky carnivorous plant dog.” You close your eyes and let yourself laugh, even if it’s still a bit shaky.

“Yeah,” you nod, patting him on the chest. “Well. Can’t let my therapist die in a parallel universe. Who else is gonna listen to my bullshit?”

Eddie helps you to your feet once you feel like you’ve got a good enough grasp on yourself again. Mentions that he’s been poring over his books since he brought you back to the house for lack of a better thing. Has been checking in on you every other hour to make sure you were still breathing. Cleaned your face off, because it was ‘covered in blood like you’d walked straight out of Carrie or something’.

“Did you let the others know what happened?” you ask once you’re sat at the table with the rest of your bottle of water. Looking around you can see that Eddie’s covered the windows nearby with blankets, cushions and other fabric you think might be clothes. The lantern in the center of the table casts enough light to see most everything around you, including several books laid out and overlapping on the table.

“Yeah,” he grunts, letting himself down on the chair. He waves you off when you frown in concern. “They’re all a little… occupied right now, but one of the brats should come with their designated escort later.”

“You mean Harrington,” you correct, a bit absently, pulling one of the D&D books closer to you. A quick flip of the cover tells you it’s the Dungeon Master’s guide. “Did you find anything interesting while I was passed out?”

“Actually,” Eddie starts, flipping covers and going through the books on the table before he pulls one out from beneath the guide you have in front of you. It’s thin, and you never would’ve known it was there. “I felt so stupid not thinking of it first but… here.” He slaps his hand down and flattens the booklet before spinning it around to hand it over to you. “Right there,” he points to the page on your right.

“This… is this a spell list?” you ask, a little bit incredulously.

“The magic-user spell list yeah—that’s not the point. Look,” he leans over the table to tap at a column at the bottom of the right page. “The ninth level spells.”

“Gate,” you breathe, frowning and leaning down closer. “Astral Spell, Power Word: Kill…” You bring your hand up to the book and look at the other columns. “Telekenesis, Wizard Eye, Projected Image, Dimension Door—”

“Everything you’ve seen,” Eddie starts, slowly lowering himself back down in his chair. “All of it, it’s all there. Even the monster shit, it’s all there.”

You let out a quiet gasp, and turn the page. You zero in on the title at the top of the left page:

SPELLS TABLE

Clerics

“Hold up,” up say, raising your hand over the table and motioning to be handed something. “I’m not seeing plane shift in here.” You look up at Eddie, who seems to take a second before registering what you’ve said before snapping his fingers and going through a few books on the table before picking up up and passing it over.

“It’s, uh, I think it’s page fourty?”

You flip through the pages and land on the one mentioned, and there it is at the bottom. The cleric spell list.

“There is it,” you exclaim, pointing down and looking up. “Plane shift.” You look back down at the page and frown, “This is level five shit though. I don’t know that…”

“Don’t, you don’t know that what,” Eddie asks after you stay quiet for a few seconds. You flip through a few more pages, take a second to read and lean back in your chair.

“True Seeing,” you say quietly, gesturing at the book. “I mean, I definitely don’t need some kind of-of mushroom ointment for my eyes, but that sounds about right.”

“Anything else sound familiar?” Eddie asks, clasping his hands in front of him over the book on the table. You bite your lip and look down again, sigh and shrug.

“I-I mean I don’t know? Augury, maybe, I guess?” You let a hand trail down the columns. “I really don’t know, most of this shit just kind of happens to me, I don’t exactly try to do any of it.”

“But you tried with Plane Shift,” Eddie points out, taking the book back and flipping it around to take a look at it. “And you’ve basically done Astral Spell before even if you were kind of, y’know. Unconscious.”

You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at the man sitting across from you. “You’re not actually suggesting I do what I think you’re suggesting I do.”

Eddie’s grin could split his face with how wide it is.

“No. No, absolutely not,” you growl out, slamming your hands down on the table. “Are you forgetting that just the plane shifting almost got us killed? How about the part where I passed the fuck out as soon as I got us back? The bleeding? Nuh-uh,” you conclude, crossing you arms again and kicking the table. “No fucking way.”

“Come on,” Eddie pleads, putting his elbows and slapping his hands together almost supplicantly. “It can be something easy, totally inconsequential. Like,” he looks down between his elbows before looking back up. “Cure Light Wounds! You get a papercut—”

“Boy, are you stupid—”

“Or what about Silence? Speak With Animals should be—”

“Eddie!”

He flinches back a bit in his seat, but otherwise puts his hands up in surrender. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose in irritation.

“I’m not a test subject, Ed,” you whisper, letting your hand fall down in your lap and giving him a look you hope is just shy of begging. “Right now I just. Can we just like, get high and pig out on junk food or something?”

Eddie sighs and has the decency to look apologetic. “I don’t have anything on me, princess. Kind of didn’t really have the time to grab anything when we…”

He trails off and you don’t need to hear the rest of the sentence. “Right, well at least we have beer,” you say as you get up and head over to the fridge. “You did put it in the fridge right?”

“Yeah, but I mean, shouldn’t you be drinking, like, water or something a little more—”

“I just woke up from passing the fuck out after basically teleporting us twice and dodging a hellhound in literal, actual hell,” you call from the fridge. You pick up two bottles, scoff and put them back in the case before taking the whole thing out. “I deserve a fucking break from this bullshit.”

𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

@anothermunsonsimp @doratheignora @storiesbyrhi

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