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caligvlasaqvarivm · 2 months

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Murder, Love, and Destiny: An Eridan Ampora Character Study

Warnings for things from Homestuck, like discussions of child abuse, mental illness, murder, suicide, etc. etc.

Because there's a huge wall of text after this point, I'm going to summarize what I hope to convince you of in bullet point format, and then hope you'll actually read the rest of the text before arguing with me about it.

Eridan is the least casteist highblood, if you ignore all the slurs.

Those are his emotional support slurs.

Pale EriKar was not only canon, but set up to be endgame.

Eridan is incredibly plot-relevant, thematically relevant, and was definitely originally intended to be brought back to life, alongside the other dead trolls.

He's Sad.

The first thing we have to establish is what counts as "canon" for the purpose of this essay. I am only counting the original comic up to Game Over, after which there's a general consensus that Hussie kind of gave up on his original planned ending, and slapped together something that most people hate. So I am immediately disqualifying Pesterquest, supplementary material, fanworks deemed canon, the epilogues, and Homestuck^2.

Moreover, we are taking Hussie's commentaries with a grain of salt, for two reasons. The first reason is that I firmly believe - and will be arguing - that the original plan was to bring Eridan (and the other dead trolls) back; therefore, Hussie (who has a track record of playing coy with future plot twists) can't speak too fondly of him, lest he give it away. The second reason for de-emphasizing Hussie's words is that, post-retcon, Hussie isn't very well going to say that he had plans for a better ending, and then didn't execute on them; to save face, he has to act as though his trashing of several prior plot threads, including but not limited to Eridan, was the plan all along.

Therefore, this essay will not be putting too much emphasis on Word of God, and will instead be relying on textual evidence from the comic itself, of which there is plenty. So without further ado:

Eridan is a Consummate Murderer.

The reason I'm starting with this point is that, far more than any other, this truth lies at the core of his being. Eridan is formally introduced to us with a murder, and he's haunted by an overpowering genocide complex. He outright describes to Rose at one point that "killin is all i evver done practically," and uses "murder" as an expletive (ie "swweet stinkin murder"). With a conservative estimate of 5 kills per week for 4 sweeps (Vriska looks VERY young when she has to start killing, and Eridan was likely a similar age when he began), both Eridan and Vriska easily have bodycounts above 2000 - the real number is probably even higher.

At this point, many raise an objection that Eridan is only killing lusii, but I believe we need to count his kills as troll murders, for three reasons: first, a dead lusus results in the orphaned troll being culled; second, one has to assume he has had cases of trolls trying to defend their lusii, or coming after him for vengeance; and third - and most importantly - Eridan HIMSELF is thinking about the orphaned trolls.

Compare Feferi: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. At least until she dies.

To Eridan: Go Home:

That should keep her happy for a while. And make a freshly orphaned troll somewhere very sad.

So Eridan, to a much greater extent than even Feferi, is thinking about the orphaned trolls he's leaving behind, and considers his own actions to be murder.

Now that we've established the facts regarding his murders - a rough bodycount, and the fact that, by his own admission, he barely had any hobbies outside of it - we can move on to the effect that it's had on him. It's not very good!

Vriska's manipul8tions and murders had to be done for her own sake - if she ever stopped, she died. Therefore, much of Vriska's personality revolves around justifying her own actions so she doesn't have to reckon with her softer feelings, like guilt or kindness - which she expresses would be viewed as scandalous by others of her caste.

But if Eridan ever stops feeding Gl'bgolyb, everybody dies. The stakes he has riding on his shoulders are, at all times, the fate of all trolls, including all his friends. Given Dualscar's title was "Orphaner," it's implied that killing lusii for Gl'bgolyb has always been a violet blood's duty, and is seen as such by the others, which is why nobody expresses gratitude for his hard work even a single time.

Which brings us to our next point:

Eridan is Crushed by Anxiety.

If Eridan stops killing lusii, everybody - especially his friends, but everybody else, too - dies.

If Eridan ever shows guilt or kindness, he'll be considered "weak" by the standards of highbloods - he shares this with Vriska.

Eridan is expected, by aristocratic tradition, to take on the mantle of his ancestor Dualscar and finish his work. Dualscar met a comedically cringefail end, so this is a massive undertaking.

Before finding out that god tiering is an option - so, for nearly his entire life - Eridan has had to live with the expectation that he will outlive all of his friends. The lowbloods from culling or dying on the battlefield, the highbloods from old age, and Feferi from being killed by the Empress when she gets old enough.

(This is reflected in who he talks to the most - Feferi, who's the only one with a natural lifespan longer than his, Vriska, who's a highblood, Kanaya, who's practically guaranteed to survive into adulthood, and Karkat, whose anonblood allows Eridan to give him the benefit of the doubt.)

Also if he can't land his concupiscent quadrants he'll die from that too, but that seems pretty secondary to the rest of his concerns.

He can't even make friends with the other highbloods, because sea dwellers are expected to hate and antagonize them.

He had a free ticket into adulthood, but would almost certainly be expected to join the army and serve as a commander. That is to say, his fate of performing the role of a vicious, murderous sea dweller seems dreadfully inevitable to him.

NO WONDER he can't stop having emotional breakdowns. NO WONDER his chatlogs swing wildly from relentless self-aggrandizement to traumadumping. NO WONDER he's obsessed with murder and death and genocide.

Doc Scratch calls him a "vengeful boy on the path of nihilism," and it's not hard to see why: Eridan's entire life has been about living up to the role imposed on him by society, sacrificing his own time and sanity for everyone else, which he "nevver got any appreciation for anywway." And all he had to look forward to was more of the same, all his friends dropping dead one by one before him. For Eridan, there has never been any hope.

SGRUB could have been a way out for him, but a combination of his own terrible choices, spurred on by his anxieties, and his teammates' unwillingness to knock some sense into him, meant that he only wound up mired even deeper in his hopelessness.

We all know about how Eridan wouldn't stop killing the angels on his planet, provoking their aggression and turning it into a ball of death. How he was definitely not supposed to be doing this, and how his stubborn insistence on it led to his further ostracization from the rest of the group. The thing is, when we look at his angel-murders from the point of view that Eridan's entire life has been about murdering things or else Something Bad™ happens, it actually starts to become... kind of sad.

KARKAT: BETWEEN A TRIGGERHAPPY PRINCE WITH A GOD WEAPON BLASTING ANYTHING THAT TWITCHED AND A MILLION CRAZED ANGELS HE DELIBERATELY ENRAGED, IT WASN'T WHAT I'D CALL AN IDEAL SOCIAL HUB. KARKAT: IF YOU WERE LONELY WHY DIDN'T YOU VENTURE OUT MORE OFTEN? ERIDAN: wwell i wwoulda but nobody else wwas vvolunteerin to pick up the slack on angel killin duties

Killing the angels is something he feels like his has to do, because his entire life has been about killing things he doesn't want to kill. He's unable to break out of that mindset on his own, and his unpleasant personality has scared off anyone who might want to help. No one on the team tries to understand his thought process on a deeper level, not even Karkat, who just tells him it was an idiotic thing to do without addressing his underlying anxieties at all. Indeed, "nobody understands."

And this is really the root of why I think so many people get the wrong read on Eridan - Eridan is constantly contradicting himself, constantly denying his own feelings, constantly pushing an image that he doesn't actually believe in, and constantly insisting that he's fine with all the horrible shit in his life - that he likes it, even. After all, he can't admit to his guilt for his murders, or how much he doesn't want to watch his friends die, or how scared he is about the future - that'd be weakness!

CC: I can't look after you anymore. CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble

You see his contradictory nature with his stated love of history, which he only ever offhandedly mentions - because he's not actually that interested in history, it's just something that's expected of someone of his station. And you see it with his wavy accent, which he himself calls "weird" and drops when he's trying to be emotionally sincere. And you see it with his dumbass outfit, which is very clearly an imitation of Dualscar (with the only exception being the wizard-ass scarf, because wizards are his actual interest. I don't believe he likes fashion. I genuinely believe - and Eridan himself says so - that he basically has no hobbies outside of murder).

Even being proud to be a sea dweller is pretty much an outright lie:

CC: You can't )(ave t)(e sort of affinity for "our kind" t)(at you profess if you've only spent, w)(at... CC: A few days underwater, maybe? IN YOUR W)(OL-E LIF-E!

One that he tells because he's SCARED OF THE OCEAN. Because he knows what lives in the ocean, because he's been feeding it his entire life. I see a lot of people who give Eridan an interest in marine life, and I'm telling you, that's just got no basis in canon. He's fucking TERRIFIED of the sea.

And for that matter, land dweller genocide. Eridan doesn't want to do it. Both Feferi AND his internal narration call him out for not actually wanting to do it. He outright states he wouldn't kill his friends.

CA: wwell CA: im not goin to vvery wwell kill you am i that wwould be fuckin unconscionable CA: wwhat kind of friend wwould i be

But he feels like he HAS to want it, HAS to believe in it, HAS to be talking about it constantly, because that's what's expected from him as a sea dweller, and a sea dweller is ALL that he will get to be. The mutation that puts a violet streak in his hair is damning. It's a fate he feels like he can't escape. Which brings us to:

Eridan is Not Actually Casteist, Well He Is But Not Like That, It's Complicated

Secondary title: Those Are His Emotional Support Slurs, Okay

In the exact same vein (haha) as secretly not wanting all the land dwellers dead, Eridan also genuinely doesn't feel like he's better than lower blood castes. Vriska and Equius obviously put quite a bit of stock into being nobility, and both have acted superior to Karkat for it. Feferi actually revels in her high status, and while she is genuinely well-meaning, she's not as interested in abolishing casteism as she is in changing the meaning of "culling" specifically (the hemocaste, aristocracy, and casteism still very much exist in a Beforus under her rule). Gamzee MIGHT be the only highblood less casteist than Eridan, but then again, as soon as he snaps, he does say a lot of casteist stuff to Equius, although it's unclear how serious he is, and he also proceeds to get really into his weird highblood clown cult.

Meanwhile, Eridan - despite all his slurs and talk of genocide - does not actually try to "pull rank" on a lowblood for being a lower caste than him with a single exception. That exception is Sollux... after he's already shown having entirely caste-neutral opinions on Sollux:

CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete! CA: man that guy CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB. CC: 38P CA: fuck SORRY CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life. CA: yeah sorry

CA: my feelins seem petty and meaninless noww CA: she had better things to wworry about than my ovverwwrought bullshit CA: like the dead guy wwho savved her CA: so forget it thanks anywway

It's only AFTER he's mad at Sollux for dating Feferi that he starts going in on Sollux with casteist rhetoric... which is treated as unrequited flirting and not serious casteism:

ERIDAN: hey finless this doesnt concern those wwith mustard sludge slippin through their vveins ERIDAN: its a matter for royalty only ERIDAN: so keep your mouth closed or ill slit you open ovver my next meal SOLLUX: w/e bro, not iintere2ted. FEFERI: -Eridan, please! I don't want to see any more dueling. FEFERI: Don't try to provoke )(im. It's not like I don't know w)(at you're doing! You keep trying to spark a rivalry wit)( )(im to get me to auspisticize between you two, and pull us out of our quadrant! FEFERI: It is t)(e oldest and lamest trick in t)(e book. It didn't work t)(en and it won't work now!

THEY don't even think he's being casteist.

In fact, directly contradicting this earlier argument he has with Feferi:

CC: T)(is is t)(e last time I will say t)(is. CC: W-E AR-E NOT B-ETT-ER T)(AN ANYBODY!!!!! CC: GLUB. >38( CA: pshh CA: hemospectrum begs to differ

He OUTRIGHT states his real feelings here:

CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody CA: im worse than anybody CA: EVERYBODY CA: all the bodies

So the question of "is Eridan casteist" has an answer of "kind of, but also no." Eridan DOES espouse the rhetoric; he's constantly saying stuff that a casteist sea dweller "should" be saying. However, if you look at his ACTIONS, and the way he actually treats people, he doesn't actually care about blood color. He'll hit on anybody, and he's rude as fuck to everybody. The real problem with him is that he's terrible to talk to, not that he's discriminatory.

That's the thing about Eridan. Understanding him means looking past the way he presents himself, the lies he tells to himself, and even, at times, the way the narration presents him. His "overblown emotional theatrics" seem a lot less overblown when his problems ARE so real, deep-seated, and constantly causing him an unimaginable amount of anguish.

The problem is, the main people he has to bounce those problems against are Feferi, Vriska, and Kanaya, three of the people most comfortable with their privileged positions, for whom Eridan's genuine emotional distress seems like needless melodrama. Feferi loves being a princess, Vriska enjoys her noble privileges, Kanaya doesn't need to worry about culling. But for Eridan, his noble status, and the duties and expectations placed on him for it, have caused him nothing but pain - of course he would feel like nobody understands. Most of his closest friends genuinely don't, nor do they try to.

Because that's what he is at his core - a traumatized fucking child, who doesn't see any way out. Eridan is not a casteist genocidal sea dweller... he just wishes he was one, and tries to be one, because if he actually was one, he wouldn't feel so awful and scared and sad all the time. He'd be normal, like his friends.

The reason he constantly spouts anti-land dweller rhetoric and uses casteist language is to assuage this cognitive dissonance. That's why he has to come off so strong, present himself in such an aggrandized way, act like such a douchebag. They're his emotional support slurs. He doesn't actually believe what he says, which means he's a Bad Sea Dweller, which means he's Failing, which means Something Bad Will Happen, so he'd better get his ass in line and say something casteist!

And it's all made worse because:

Eridan is Dumb of Ass (and True of Word)

Oh my god you guys he's so stupid that it hurts.

Okay, that's not entirely fair. Eridan is clearly well-educated and book smart; he has some of the most elegant prose out of the trolls, and he's prone to going off on insane rants with it. (Actually, his language gets more flowery and showy when he's trying to impress a stranger, and gets progressively more laid back, chill, and even kind of "bro"-y when he starts talking to people he doesn't feel like he needs to impress.)

CA: at this point i find all her adorable black pixie dabblins to be prime kiddie playtime shit CA: all of her FRAUDULENT MAGICS cannot come close to posin threat to my mastery ovver the TRUEST SCIENCES CA: an wwith my empiricists wwand i servve as the righteous hope that wwill incinerate delusion and the deluded alike CA: my holy fire is the wwhite fury bled from the wwrath-wweary eyes of fifty thousand nonfictional angels CA: and wwhen theyre finished wweepin they wwill boww before their prince GG: wow what are you talking about

What I mean is this: his brain is so full of anxiety and cognitive dissonance and murder and death that he struggles to care about other people, which has devastating effects on his social skills. I go really in-depth on how his though process informs his behavior here. The question may have popped up in your mind already: if his casteism stuff isn't actually real, then what is Eridan actually like? The answer is, overwhelmingly, and discomfortingly, SINCERE.

This boy is gunning at 100% emotional earnestness 100% of the time, and it's deeply uncomfortable for others to deal with. He'll swing wildly from insults and derogatory language, to stating a desire to kill all land dwellers, to awe and amazement at his friends' prowess, to demanding that they do things for him, to traumadumping and venting, without missing a beat. Often in the same conversation.

CA: kan its hard GA: What CA: being a kid and growwing up CA: its hard and nobody understands

He's also specifically terrible at parsing hostility. Functionally, he interprets all hostility aimed AT him as either pitch/ashen flirting or "ironic repartee," and similarly views his own hostile words as verbal jousting, pitch/ashen advances, or even just factual descriptions of the world around him (ie calling Nepeta a "kittycat shipper cavve girl"). Hostility and aggression are just kind of his baseline, default state of being, and he basically has no ability to differentiate between good and bad attention. I talk more in-depth about his emotionally bereft upbringing (and shitty lusus) here, but suffice to say that our boy isn't getting any emotional support at home, and as a result, craves attention, no matter what kind.

This also means he's insanely gullible. For example, Rose calls him an idiot to his face, and then blows up his computer, sarcastically calling it "your first lesson in showmanship." Eridan proceeds to literally considers it that, blowing up Jade's computer after he's done talking to her. Furthermore, Kanaya sees him as a burden, insults him to his face, and pretty much just bullies him along with Rose for fun.

So she trains Eridan to become a powerful white wizard of hope to challenge her, as a joke.

And yet, in spite of all that, Eridan still has nothing but gratitude and praise for Kanaya:

ERIDAN: kan i been meanin to thank you KANAYA: For What ERIDAN: for all that trainin you did ERIDAN: i wwouldnt be the incredible holy wwizard i am noww wwithout your help KANAYA: But I Didnt Even Really Train You I Just Made You A Wand ERIDAN: yeah wwell thats all i needed i guess ERIDAN: i just needed for someone to showw a little faith in me so im sayin thanks i owwe ya KANAYA: Okay Then Youre Welcome KANAYA: I Hope You Use Your Magnificent Powers Of Light And Hope For Goodness And Purity And Lets Not Forget Science ERIDAN: dont wworry im all ovver that shit you dont evven knoww KANAYA: Uh Oh I Hope That Didnt Come Off As Too Sarcastic ERIDAN: wwhat KANAYA: The Thing I Just Said KANAYA: I Didnt Even Realize How Sarcastic I Was Being Its Starting To Become A Problem I Think KANAYA: Please Dont Take Too Much Offense ERIDAN: haha damn kan if thats your idea of offense bein made then i honestly gotta fuckin wworry for you ERIDAN: tell you wwhat ill givve you some lessons in dealin out the dark umbrage to repay you for your tutelage in the wwhite science

Like, he's in the middle of genuinely thanking her for believing in him, she makes fun of him to his face, and his response is to laugh it off and offer to teach her how to properly insult someone. It's honestly... kind of sad. Not that he doesn't deserve the ridicule, but what we're seeing here is a traumatized, emotionally neglected boy trying to communicate the best that he can that he loves and appreciates his friends, and receiving nothing but mockery in return.

It's really not a surprise, then, that he goes off the deep end. His entire life prior to the game has been shit; he got broken up with as soon as he entered the game (by someone who didn't even care enough not to use fish puns while doing it); he's ostracized and avoided for the game's duration; and then he spends the rest of his time on the meteor being bullied. He feels deeply hopeless and anxious about their situation because he literally doesn't know how else to exist, and his concerns are dismissed and mocked at every turn. When Feferi turns on him with intent to kill, that's his breaking point.

I see a lot of people say he goes grimdark, or succumbs to external influence somehow, but I don't think that needs to be true (nor is it) - he's just a deeply traumatized kid with almost no support network who's finally been pushed to the edge, despite displaying every possible warning sign and making multiple cries for help. Yes, ultimately, he's guilty for his own actions, but his killing spree - alongside Gamzee's and Vriska's - represents a cohesive failure as a team to address very clear problems in their midst.

So Feferi and Kanaya are sick of his ass. Sollux hates him platonically, Equius doesn't like him, and Nepeta thinks of him as a creep. Vriska is his awkward ex, and Terezi agrees with him when he calls himself pathetic. He never interacts with Tavros, Aradia, or sober!Gamzee. Is there anyone that treats him nicely?

Uh, okay, so I swear this isn't shipping goggles -

Pale EriKar Is Canon And I Can Prove It

So, I'm going to start this with a disclaimer: you can ship what you want to ship. I don't mind. I don't care. Headcanons are valid, death of the author, etc. What you do in your free time is up to you.

What I am attempting to argue in this section is that an Eridan/Karkat moirallegiance was heavily foreshadowed, one of the most heavily foreshadowed things in the entire comic, and - assuming that the original ending of Homestuck included all the dead trolls being brought back and redeemed - was going to be endgame. There's a torrential amount of evidence pointing to this, and very little of it is acknowledged even by the EriKar shippers, which is a shame.

At the very least, I'll be happy if I can convince some Karkat RPers to be extra nice to Eridans, because they are actually just friends who care deeply about each other. Canonically.

The first thing to note is that Eridan and Karkat, at least prior to SGRUB, talk all the time, to the point where Feferi feels the need to comment on it:

CC: You know, I'm not sure w)(y we never talk about our romantic aspirations. CC: We s)(ould more often. It is kind of -EXCITING! CA: shrug CC: Probably because you fill your gossip quota wit)( your nubby )(orned bro. CC: You leave not)(ing left to talk about wit)( your dear sweet moirail! CC: We are supposed to )(elp eac)( ot)(er wit)( t)(at stuff too, remember. CA: maybe CA: seems kinda CA: odd though

("Can you please stop having an emotional affair with Karkat" "Eh, I'll think about it")

The second thing to note is what the contents of those conversations entail. Sure, they "gossip," but it goes deeper than that, because they gossip about things that Karkat would NEVER gossip about with anybody else, because Karkat usually respects his "VERY GOOD FRIEND"s. For example, here Eridan mentions that Karkat has speculated on Kanaya's love life with him:

CA: you dont wwant to be our auspistice cause you dont wwant to get locked into that sort of relation wwith her i can respect that GA: No Thats Not It CA: yeah it is your real feelins run pretty awwful RUDDY methinks evverybody knowws it CA: especially that assblood karkat he and me havve you so pegged about that its upright silly

And it's not even a one-off thing, because here Karkat is again, mentioning Nepeta's crush on him:

KARKAT: OK, BUT TO BE FAIR, I'M PRETTY SURE SHE'S STILL OBSESSED WITH ME. KARKAT: IT'S A VERY UNFORTUNATE, VERY RED AND VERY UNREQUITED SITUATION I'VE BEEN TRYING TO TIPTOE AROUND FOR A LONG TIME, OK? KARKAT: HER DISINTEREST IN YOUR ADVANCE WASN'T A REFLECTION ON YOU AT ALL. KARKAT: COME ON, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

It's a situation he's been trying to "tiptoe around for a long time," and he tells ERIDAN, of all people? MULTIPLE TIMES? (AND HE ALSO TELLS ERIDAN THAT THE REJECTION WASN'T HIS FAULT???? WHAT??????)

So we've established that they talk frequently and about some pretty seriously sensitive topics. But did you know that they also talk about... their feelings?

See, the thing is, Karkat has always been weirdly nice to Eridan. Here he is in a memo near the very beginning of their game, when Karkat is at his most "rah rah, I'm the big bad leader":

FCA: i got a problem FCA: wwith feferi FCA: and im really kinda sittin here in bad shape about it emotionally speakin CCG: OK, WELL CCG: I GET THAT, I HEAR YOU BRO CCG: BUT THIS IS STILL NOT THE RIGHT PLACE FOR THIS SO I'VE GOT TO BAN YOU. CCG banned FCA from responding to memo. CCG: BUT SERIOUSLY JUST GET IN TOUCH WITH ME IN PRIVATE ABOUT IT, OK MAN? CCG: WE'LL GET YOUR SHIT STRAIGHTENED OUT.

Compare that to Tavros asking for advice later down in the same memo:

PAT: sINCE i DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU ARE NOW, bUT MAYBE HELP ME, PAT: aBOUT A THING THAT HAS TO DO WITH A GIRL, PAT: lIKE, PAT: a ROMANCE THING, yOU MIGHT KNOW ABOUT, CCG: YOU PEOPLE ARE IMBECILES. CCG: ALL OF YOU. CCG: I AM NOT POSTING THESE MEMOS TO COUNSEL YOU ON YOUR PAST AND FUTURE DATING PROBLEMS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CCG: WHY ARE YOU ALL SUCH BASKET CASES. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY ANYMORE. PAT: sORRY, CCG: SHOULD I BAN YOU? WHAT'S EVEN THE POINT ANYMORE! ONE OF YOU STOOGES WILL BE RIGHT ON THE LAST ONES HEELS WITH ANOTHER SOB STORY. CCG: JUST CCG: HURRY UP AND TELL ME WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS BRO.

He then proceeds to dispense no actual love advice; he just points out that Vriska can totally read this memo too, and then mocks them both when she shows up - thus making it clear that he is giving Eridan special treatment.

You see it again in his discussion with Eridan in [S] Kanaya: Return to the Core, where Eridan invokes a "pact" between them, and Karkat immediately plays nice with him, despite himself being extremely high-strung and stressed out:

KARKAT: RIGHT, IT'S POWERED BY SCIENCE, I FORGOT. KARKAT: OR HOPE. WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. ERIDAN: i dont fuckin need this from you i take enough shit as it is from the rest a you dirtscrapers i thought you and me had a kinda pact or wwhatevver KARKAT: OK FINE, SHUT UP, I APOLOGIZE. I KNOW IT'S TOUGH BEING YOU.

That's definitely pity, which Karkat states to be the basis of all relationships besides pitch. But, sure, okay, Karkat is sometimes nice to his friends. He is, after all, the Friendship Troll, so that's not necessarily out of the ordinary. But how about the fact that it goes both ways?

That's right, Eridan "100% aggro 100% of the time" Ampora is actually really considerate toward Karkat's feelings, and basically nobody else's. Upon hearing that Karkat is distressed that Sollux has died, Eridan actively puts his own meltdown about his breakup with Feferi on pause:

TC: BeCaUsE OuR GoOd bRo sOlLuX JuSt kIcKeD ThE WiCkEd mOtHeRfUcKiN ShIt CA: wwhat the fuck do you mean by that CA: are you sayin hes dead TC: YeAh :o( CA: oh fuck CA: oh god fuck noww i feel like an asshole

He then goes on to chastise Gamzee for his shitty advice, demanding to be given the chance to comfort Karkat himself instead:

TC: BuT I ToLd hIm tO Be cHiLl TC: BeCaUsE ThErE Is a mIrAcLe cOmInG, i cAn fEeL It CA: that is the wworst fuckin advvice CA: wwhat an awwful thing a you to say CA: MAGIC ISNT REAL STUPID STOP BELIEVVIN IN IT TC: i'Ve gOt tO BeLiEvE At wHaT My hEaRt tElLs iN Me, EvEn iF It's a fAkE ThInG TC: HoNk CA: this is a lot a pointless fuckin rubbish and isnt no emotional help to him or me either for that matter CA: put kar on

Before finally giving up when Gamzee insists he's "too scared of Jack" to help, drinking some Faygo, and trying to ask past Karkat for help, because past Karkat isn't sad yet about Sollux dying. So, to recap,

Eridan's first instinct when in emotional duress is to go to Karkat.

Eridan feels like he knows Karkat well enough to know that Gamzee's advice would be useless (and is proven right by the fact that Gamzee and Karkat's moirallegiance fails for similar reasons).

Eridan is willing to shelve his own emotional meltdown for Karkat's sake.

Eridan demands to be the one to provide Karkat with emotional support.

And this is, again, not a one-off thing. In the memo Karkat opens right after Eridan and Gamzee have both turned murderous, after he's spent several minutes making death threats toward Eridan and insulting him directly, he goes:

CCG: I'M SO UPSET, I'M JUST COMPLETELY FREAKING OUT IN EVERY WAY POSSIBLE. PCA: yeah i knoww wwhat its like you wwanna talk about it

Eridan spends this entire memo under the belief that it's a completely run-of-the-mill conversation they're having:

PCA: i mean yeah obvviously i kneww you wwerent serious PCA: i guess i appreciate the effort youre puttin into cheerin me up PCA: i can alwways count on you for some good ironic repartee kar nobody else really gets our sense a humor CCG: UGH, NO PCA: are you busy PCA: you said youd try to make it to lowwaa soon wwell howw about it

Which implies that offering to listen to Karkat's feelings is also a completely regular thing for them.

But something magical is ALSO happening within this last memo, and to really explain it, I'll first have to be a little mean to the GamKar shippers (sorry).

So, canonically, GamKar doesn't work out for them, despite also being somewhat foreshadowed. In fact, they feature on Nepeta's shipping wall, which is actually, in my opinion, foreshadowing that it WOULDN'T work out. (Nepeta's ships being wrong, and shipping being something she needs to learn to outgrow, is a whole essay on its own, that I'm not getting into here.)

But the thing is, the seeds for them not working out were also planted in the first - and only - real post-moirallegiance interaction that they have with each other, where Gamzee tries to calm Karkat down... and FAILS:

GAMZEE: naw brother, i was just about to all say for you to try and get your settle down on, maybe. GAMZEE: :o( ... KARKAT: OK KARKAT: OK YEAH KARKAT: I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT. KARKAT: NO, YOU'RE RIGHT, I SHOULD RELAX. KARKAT: AND BREATHE. KARKAT: I MEAN, WHAT ARE MOIRAILS FOR, RIGHT? KARKAT: THIS IS HOW IT WORKS, I STOP YOU FROM KILLING EVERYBODY, THEN YOU RETURN THE FAVOR AND CALM ME DOWN AND I JUST KARKAT: BREATHE KARKAT: LIKE KARKAT: THIS... KARKAT: SNIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFFFUCK, THAT SUN IS BRIGHT. KARKAT: CALL ME CRAZY, BUT IT'S KIND OF HARD TO RELAX WITHIN A STONE'S THROW FROM, OH, I GUESS ONLY THE BIGGEST FUCKING STAR ANY MORTAL HAS EVER LAID EYES ON. ... KARKAT: BUT I MEAN, CAN THIS BE HEALTHY? KARKAT: AREN'T WE GOING TO GET BURNED OR HAVE OUR RETINAS SCORCHED BY LOOKING AT IT? KARKAT: OH GOD I THINK I'M HAVING A PANIC ATTACK.

But let's go back to that memo where Karkat is freaking out in every way possible. This is how he starts that memo - so upset about the deaths of his friends and terrified by Gamzee that he can barely string together a coherent thought:

CCG: WE ARE SO SCREWED. CCG: OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK. CCG: GUYS, I AM TERRIFIED, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. CCG: I'M IN A ROOM FULL OF BODIES, AND I THINK I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TURN MY BACK ON THEM? CCG: OH MY GOD, I JUST HEARD A HONK. ... CCG: FEFERI, I'M SORRY. CCG: IT WAS MY FAULT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO. PCC: Sorry for w)(at?? CCG: FOR CCG: I CCG: I CAN'T DO THIS CCG: IT'S TOO MUCH FOR ME, I'M SORRY.

In fact, he's so distressed that he bans Past!Feferi and Past!Gamzee almost immediately after they come in. But then Eridan comes in, and... I mean, first of all, just compare how long it takes for him to ban Eridan:

But more interesting are the contents of their conversation. Over the course of talking to Eridan... Karkat completely calms the fuck down. Like he's entirely forgotten that he's shitting his pants with fear. In fact, he even starts critiquing Eridan for his dumbassery:

PCA: evven if i wwasnt compelled to think you wwere still bein flippant and ironic wwith me you cant exactly outright reject me can you CCG: WHY NOT PCA: cause youre future you PCA: doesnt count unless its present you til then its all fair game CCG: IS THIS REAL, ARE YOU BEING IRONIC OR SOMETHING, I CAN'T EVEN TELL ANYMORE CCG: THE PROBLEM IS, I CAN'T PUT THIS SORT OF BEHAVIOR PAST YOU AT ALL, SO I DON'T KNOW. ... CCG: YOU'RE KILLING ANGELS NOW, AREN'T YOU PCA: no CCG: YOU ARE KILLING FUCKING ANGELS, RIGHT NOW, IN THE PAST, WITH YOUR SHITTY GUN. I JUST KNOW IT. PCA: wwell uh PCA: therere just so damn many kar and theyre not gettin any less bloody pissed is the thing CCG: THIS IS WHY IT WOULD NEVER WORK BETWEEN US, MAN.

It's extremely funny. Over the course of talking to Eridan, he goes from:

CCG: OH GOD OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD CCG: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

To:

CCG banned PCA from responding to memo. CCG: ANYWAY CCG: THAT'S IT I GUESS.

Eridan isn't even trying to calm Karkat down. He still succeeds in doing so. This is because they are soul mates. And I mean that in the sense that the comic literally calls being moirails soul mates, which it doesn't do for the other quadrants:

A reasonable human translation would be the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense, and with a more specific social purpose.

That "social purpose" being that an even-tempered troll calms down a more hot-tempered one, and vice versa.

It also goes on to note:

But some pale pairings, as the one above [referring to a picture of Nepeta and Equius], will be strikingly obvious to all who know them.

But what's really interesting is the next page.

And yet others will seem to have been hatched for each other.

Did you catch that? Let me zoom in.

(Also, the blue and red cuttlefish to represent Sollux - Feferi and Sollux spend the whole game together, and even wind up talking about their feelings constantly in a pile - more on piles in a sec.)

In fact... in Eridan's first visual appearance...

The crab has always been there for him.

It's also important to talk about the bottle of Faygo that's been photoshopped to be candy red, Karkat's blood color. The path that it takes actually directly mirrors Karkat's relationships with Gamzee and Eridan - it's initially something that Gamzee has, but winds up being ejected out of his life, and washes up on Eridan's shore. In fact:

TC: SnAtCh aN IcEcOlD, dOg TC: MoThErFuCkIn cHuG ThAt sHiT LiKe yOu aNd tHe bOtTlE WaS ReUnItEd lOvErS CA: are you recommendin a bevverage to me or somethin CA: is that wwhat this is TC: YeAh mAn SlAm A FaYgO CA: i dont havve a fuckin faygo you stupid fuck wwhy wwould i keep that disgusting shit on hand TC: ArE YoU MoThErFuCkIn sUrE AbOuT ThAt? CA: oh CA: oh god youre right i do CA: i totally forgot about it TC: YoU SeE MaN TC: MoThEr TC: FuCkIn TC: MiRaClEs TC: :o)

When Gamzee and Eridan discuss this exact bottle, Gamzee even likens it to "reunited lovers"; it's something that Eridan has had this whole time (after all, he was cheating on Feferi with the guy), but never realized.

There are a few miscellaneous things that don't really mean anything on their own, but put next to all this other stuff, is worth considering, so I'll list those now.

First, they both do the bonk:

Second:

CG: ARE WE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE BECAUSE OF STUFF I SAID. TA: eheheheh you LIITERALLY a2k me that every tiime are you jokiing. TA: ii cant even tell anymore. CG: IT'S A JOKE MORON. CG: HONESTLY I'M JUST GLAD NOBODY ELSE IS PRIVVY TO OUR CONVERSATIONS.

Third, Karkat muses to his future self about how he misses his friends, especially the assholes, two pages before staring at a dead Eridan's ass (joking, he's definitely looking at WV, but it's still significant that this thought is being associated with Eridan):

CCG: I MEAN, DON'T GET ME WRONG. CCG: I MISS ALL OF MY DEAD FRIENDS A LOT. CCG: EVEN THE ASSHOLES! I MISS THEM TOO. MAYBE EVEN ESPECIALLY THEM, IN SOME PERVERSE WAY. CCG: AND I SHOULD BE RELIEVED THAT THEY ALL SEEM TO BE HAPPY IN SOME WAY, EVEN IF IT'S BY FLOATING NEBULOUSLY THROUGH DREAM PROJECTIONS WITH THEIR FREAKY BLANK EYES. CCG: AND I GUESS I AM RELIEVED ABOUT THAT. CCG: BUT AT THE SAME TIME IT'S LEFT ME UNSETTLED.

Fourth, in the same conversation, he bemoans his failed relationship with Terezi, before Future!Karkat chastises Past!Karkat for his instability and mixed signals. Going back to the page on moirallegiances, an explicit function of a proper pale relationship is stabilizing a troll's other relationships:

The two partners in a strong pale relationship will serve to balance and complement each other's emotional profiles, and thus allow their other relationships to be more successful.

Of course, I don't need to tell you how messy and unstable Eridan's relationships have been.

And finally, Piles of Stuff™ are associated with moirails, and directly stated in-comic to cause an outpouring of emotion:

Standing near this pile stirs powerful emotions. The closer you stand to piles of stuff, the more freely the feelings flow. It is a law of reality.

So here's a seven-word tragedy for you: For Sale, Shitty Wand Pile, Never Used:

ERIDAN: at least i got the upright basic decency to hide my shitty wand pile somewwhere in the lab you wwont find it dont evven bother lookin KARKAT: WHY DO YOU ASSHOLES HAVE PILES OF THINGS, JUST STOP.

(Which he specifically tells Karkat about.)

So, yeah, what I'm saying is, there's just, like, a weirdly large amount to read into here. That Karkat and Eridan are probably soulmates or whatever. And that this is important because...

Eridan Is Plot Relevant (Well All The Dead Trolls Are But This Is An Essay About Eridan)

So. Now we are going to talk about themes. Yes, like we are in schoolfeeding again. I'm going to keep it simple, because "The Themes of Homestuck" is a whole essay on its own, and this one about just the shitty fish boy is already way too long.

I think it's fairly non-controversial to posit that the main theme of Homestuck is, "children should mature, care about each other, and throw off the shackles of their old society, because they will be responsible for a new world one day."

Up until Game Over/the Retcon, this is so prevalent and well-established that SBURB/SGRUB's coming-of-age themes will outright be commented upon by the characters, and the main villain is a child who deliberately stunted his own growth so he could go around kicking over other peoples' toys forevermore.

So, the thing is, with that being the theme of Homestuck, if ALL of the Alternian trolls don't survive to the end, the ending is thematically unsatisfying, because the message suddenly gains an addendum of "well, some kids just need to die," which totally sucks. Like, sure, Eridan was a violent, crazed murderer even at the best of times, but his permanent death within the canon ending kind of means that the comic is saying that people in his position don't deserve kindness or second chances. That position being a traumatized, emotionally neglected child, who was being bullied by people he considered his friends. It's a pretty terrible message.

It's even worse when you consider what other trolls don't make it to the end - Nepeta, the most outspoken troll against the hemospectrum (and Davepeta does NOT count, don't try to tell me the final culmination of Nepeta's character arc is being combined with some guy she barely knows and a bird). Feferi, who genuinely wanted the best for others, even if she was kind of a privileged princess. Aradia and Sollux also stay behind in the bubbles, even though their lives have pretty much been endless parades of suffering and being used by other people. Even Equius doesn't deserve it - he was kind of a casteist freak, but not irredeemably so, and the fact that he became kinder to Karkat over the course of SGRUB proved that he had the capacity to change. And Tavros, allergic to himself and being insulted by Vriska, is a terrible way to end his arc.

It's also really clear that, since half his friends are dead, Karkat just doesn't really have anything to do. His title is the Knight of Blood, and Blood is about bonds - romance, friendship. And yet, he ends the comic having never figured out what Blood was about, with no confirmed filled quadrants (sorry DaveKat likers, but within the comic itself, DaveKat is never confirmed), and most of his bonds nothing more than ghosts in the bubbles. It's a terribly unsatisfying ending for the most narratively important troll.

I think, then, that even if you don't agree that Homestuck should have ended with full revivals and redemption arcs for all the trolls, the essay is going to proceed on like you do, so, sorry, I guess.

The thing with Eridan, specifically, is that he's actually tied deeply into the plot and themes, and his return means more than just Karkat finally getting a date (although that's important, too). Eridan is directly intertwined with a prophecy to kill Lord English; he's set up to mirror Caliborn and Calliope; and thematically, his redemption would be the most clear instance of the "interrogating society" part of the theme of Homestuck, because Eridan is kind of the Society Troll. And also, he was definitely supposed to be Roxy's wizard boyfriend.

Just gonna get that last one out of the way real quick because it's a fast one, Roxy fucking loves wizards and is a hipster. Eridan is a wizard and is also a hipster. Roxy has a crush on a prince. Eridan is also a prince. Roxy wears a purple striped scarf. Eridan wears a blue striped scarf. Roxy uses rifles. Eridan uses rifles. Momlonde's introduction includes a passive-aggressive fridge battle that features a cameo of Eridan's quirk.

Using the colorful MAGNET LETTERS, you recently left a succinct message, which may or may not have been directed toward anyone in particular. But you couldn't find the letter W, so you just stuck two V's together. Your mother then purchased a fresh pack of W's and left them there for your convenience.

Yeah. So. Uh. Not only did Eridan need to be brought back to date Karkat pale, but he also needed to be brought back to date Roxy flushed. Can you imagine how funny it would be. They'd get together within 5 minutes of meeting for the first time and Rose would lose her shit. Anyway.

Him being a parallel to Calliope and Caliborn is also a quick one - Caliborn uses Riflekind/Sceptrekind, and Calliope uses Pistolkind/Wandkind. Eridan's two weapons are rifles and wands. Lord English is described as an evil wizard and at one point is shown using Calliope's wand. Eridan is also an evil wizard who uses a wand.

Look, I'm not saying that Eridan is necessarily directly related to these two, nor am I even necessarily saying that he and Roxy HAVE to date, but I am saying that he's got Weird Plot Connections that make him bizarrely relevant to characters that only come into play well after his death - almost like the comic was setting up that he would be coming back. His reaction to Cronus supports this, which I go into detail about here.

There's other strange "Eridan's plot important" things, too - like the fact that he's completely unimpressed by Faygo, considering it to be "just soda," and seems to be the only non-cultist who's okay with it. Or the fact that he's actually been awake on Derse since before the game (but unable to hear the horrorterrors, maybe foreshadowing some psychic resistance?) which he casually reveals to Kanaya and which Terezi is aware of, hence he's included in the people she names are "in" on the existence of the game. Or the fact that the genetic code for Alternia's first guardian was written within the pages of four FLARP books, with the addition of a fifth code Gamzee wrote in Karkat's ~ATH book... but Eridan was the fifth FLARP player in the team, implying that Doc Scratch/LE influencing Gamzee caused him to usurp Eridan's part of the first guardian code, giving LE his way into the trolls' universe.

Individually, it's all kind of nothing, but it just paints a bigger picture of Eridan being weirdly relevant, especially when we get to the juicy stuff:

The Prophecy

ARANEA: The 8ard of Hope may seem a little jaded these days, 8ut he once had a deeply a8iding faith in magic, and dedicated himself to 8ecoming a great wizard. He 8ecame convinced he was hatched to defeat an extraordinarily evil magician, one he swore the angels foretold of. ... [T]his magician once somehow from afar tried to strike him down at a young age, so he would never have to face him. 8ut the evil spell was deflected, sealing the magician's spirit away in a series of unassuming vessels until he could find some other cunning way to enter our universe. ... ARANEA: 8ut at some point he 8ecame disillusioned with magic. If there ever was any truth to his far fetched vision, the legacy of defeating the evil magician would have to 8e passed on to his descendant, or if his descendant proved to 8e as much of a failure as he did, then perhaps on to some other Hero of Hope.

ERIDAN: i slaughtered enough angels to knoww my limits and wwhere i stand against the lord of all angels they prophecized

GG: im pretty sure hes from the future! CA: wwhy GG: because he said hes my grandson CA: wwhat the fuck is a grandson CA: is that some kind of pervverse human familial thing GG: umm yes ... CA: that gun i just gavve you is somethin of a hatchright to the kid CA: happy i could play a role in your dirty stinkin lineage GG: like an heirloom? i guess it could be ... CA: i kinda think thats wwhy i found the gun in the first place CA: but noww im forsakin it because fuck i just found a better destiny than my old crappy one wwhich i nevver got any appreciation for anywway

Jake is supposed to have been the one to defeat Lord English. (No, Jake defeating pre-LE Caliborn right before he gets sealed into Cal doesn't count! He doesn't even get the final blow in that fight, DIRK does.)

But Eridan at one point had that destiny on his shoulders. Aranea turbohealing Jake, and the resultant hope field, summons a bunch of angels, which are heavily associated with Eridan - yet another random connection that Eridan has with future plot events.

Jake was another character, alongside Karkat, who was kind of reduced to a joke by the end, despite the fact that he had literally, directly, been passed the destiny of defeating Lord English. It's hard not to see this as a consequence, at least in part, of removing Eridan from the story. By cutting him out of the fabric of the ending, several plot threads - including this prophecy - are left dangling in irrelevance. And so Jake, like Karkat, now has nothing to do.

Homestuck is generally a series where every prophecy does come true, which makes it kind of startling when several prophecies fail to - Feferi's to "unite the two races," Jake's to defeat Lord English, and Karkat's to bring "compassion, forgiveness, and equality among all bloodlines" in the Signless's place.

That last one is actually relevant to:

The Thematic Importance of EriKar As Soul Mates

Eridan represents the worst aspects of Alternian society. He's a sea dweller at the top of the caste structure, with free reign to murder whoever he wants, soaked in the blood of thousands of innocent trolls. He espouses the casteist rhetoric that their society is built on, calling for the deaths of all land dwellers and the oppression of the lower castes. And while he should be benefitting from his position of privilege, it has also done nothing but hurt him.

Karkat, meanwhile, is a pariah. A mutant who would've been culled on sight, who spent his entire life living in hiding, and most of the game in fear that he would be ostracized or worse by the rest of his friends if they found out about his blood color. He's also the second coming of Troll Jesus, and thus, more despised by the Alternian ruling class than a mutant normally would be. For most of his life, he dreamed of nothing more than finding belonging within the society that had deemed him unfit.

Their friendship is something that "should not be." The highblood and the mutant. The royal-v and the off-spectrum. The empress's sea dweller and the second coming of the signless. Eridan "should" see Karkat as a miscreant to cull on sight. Karkat "should" be terrified of Eridan's very existence.

But in reality, Eridan doesn't give a shit about blood color, and Karkat just wants to be accepted. Eridan just wants someone to care about him, and Karkat loves his friends. Aside from Feferi, Eridan is the only highblood who never comments about Karkat's mutant blood, and they were best buddies even before Eridan knew.

Eridan and Karkat getting together isn't JUST the two most undateable trolls on the team finally landing a stable quadrant. These two, moreso than any other pairing, represent the themes of Homestuck. Children growing up, caring about each other, and throwing off the shackles of their old society.

In the pre-retcon timeline, their team failed to do so. This led to Gamzee falling into his highblood clown cult, Equius letting himself and Nepeta die by submitting to his place in the hemospectrum, Vriska killing Tavros because she couldn't allow herself to show weakness, and Eridan completing his caste's dream of genocide. Karkat spent the entire meteor trip and beyond beating himself up about it, since he considered it all to be his fault.

But with the introduction of John's retcon powers, they have the chance to, one by one, redeem themselves. I believe that's how the original ending would have gone: Terezi would ask John to bring Vriska back, because she only feels comfortable fixing her own mistakes. Vriska would then have asked John to bring back Tavros, whom she regretted killing. Tavros would be there for Gamzee, rendering him an ally. Gamzee would ask John to bring back Equius and Nepeta. Equius would ask John to help him not make the same mistakes with Aradia, and Aradiabot would catch John by the wrist and demand he bring her back in time to before she died, allowing her to circumvent her own death and Sollux's guilt. Sollux would ask John to keep him from provoking Eridan, saving Feferi. And Feferi would be pretty ok with the way things were... but KARKAT would then pull John aside, and drop an entire book of mistakes he made on John's lap, and this would result in a finalized timeline where all his friends are alive and god-tiered.

Because all the trolls SHOULD have survived.

Vriska should've survived because people should be allowed to have second chances.

Tavros should've survived because caring about each other, and being willing to show kindness and mercy, are good things.

Gamzee should have survived because people mired in religious fundamentalism and cults deserve to be offered a helping hand.

Equius should've survived because people should be allowed to grow and change their beliefs.

Nepeta should've survived because she was the anti-casteism troll. Casteism is bad, folks! Not only that, but I'm convinced that she was originally going to give the Ultimate Self exposition, and Davepetasprite^2 had to be contrived in the canon ending in order to shortcut Nepeta's character development, ruining it in the process.

Aradia should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team and live a life free of the control of evil uncles and shitty ancestors.

Sollux should've been allowed to stay with the rest of the team because we all deserve to heal and be happy.

Feferi should've survived so she could be in a kismesistude with Nepeta, and realize that casteism itself is bad, not just the definition of culling, and then used her Witch of Life powers to even out the lifespans between the next generation of trolls, which needs to happen or else casteism will just happen again as long-lived highbloods inevitably amass power. And, also, it would complete the prophecy Gl'bgolyb gave her that she was intended to unite the two races (dream bubbles don't count, because by that metric, Sollux did more than she did by establishing a connection between the trolls and humans).

And Eridan should've survived, because the harm society has done to us can be undone. We don't have to submit to the roles it imposes, to the laws it wrote, to the abuse it inflicted. We can be free.

I've seen a lot of people who believe that such-and-such character did SUCH awful things that they don't deserve a happy ending. Oftentimes, it's Eridan, but nearly all of the dead trolls have gotten this treatment. So, let me just ask all of you who have gotten this far and still hold that opinion one thing. Do you think that's what Troll Jesus would have wanted?

This is why pale EriKar is so important: for it to happen, Eridan has to make a choice between upholding the beliefs of his shitty society, or pursuing a happier, kinder future, one where he outright rejects the caste system. For it to happen, Karkat has to shake all his insecurities about not being good enough by Alternian standards, and take on the duty of creating something better than what he came from. If pale EriKar happens, it means Eridan and Karkat choose love, not fear. Compassion, forgiveness, and equality.

This choice - this pairing - is the ultimate representation of giving Alternian society one big middle finger. Saying, we don't need you anymore, fuck off! Saying, we reject you at your core; we will choose something better! Saying, we will create a new world, and it will be kinder than the one we came from!

Pale EriKar means LOVE WINS.

Thank you for reading.

#homestuck #eridan ampora #karkat vantas #erikar #im also going to tag all the other trolls that feature because yeah.#vriska serket #feferi peixes #nepeta leijon #equius zahhak #gamzee makara #kanaya maryam

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throwaway-yandere · 5 months

Text

𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙖𝙨 𝙣𝙤 𝙙𝙞𝙜𝙣𝙞𝙩𝙮 (Yandere!Neuvillette/Reader)

a/n: this was inspired by my favorite childhood TV show, House MD & Oedipus Rex. The plot was supposed to be something else but dingleaf happened one 4AM ago. Anyways, welcome to our first Throwaway-Thursday this End of Year Blues!!!

Unreliable Synopsis: Everyone held their breath when they heard ex-defense attorney (Y/n) say these words: "Your Honor, I would like to challenge Champion Duelist Clorinde to clear my charges."

CW: yandere themes, reader has so much spite I can fry an egg, hurt/NO COMFORT. Please prioritize your mental health if these CWs are triggering to you. (Note: The plot happens a month before the Fontaine AQ, so he doesn't know about what happened to Vautrin.)

“Why the pale expression? Has the trial last week caused you tremendous pain?”

"Such pallor is caused by pity, not grief.” Neuvilette made his fragile excuse to reassure Furina, but the words did not reach her ears. The ringing of raindrops outside was louder, more convincing. Fontaine is vexed with storms near-daily. The sad verdant earth will soon sponge and dry the hydro dragon’s tears as always, but every man hopes they won’t drown first.

At first, he was convinced what he harbored was pity. For the pessimists, Fontaine is a nation where virtuous pagans paraded themselves as rich and devoted ran amok. Absolute justice is a cartoonish ideal– lack of entertainment is the death sentence.

Lady Furina was starting to believe he lives his life by a certain suspect’s final envoi:

Count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.

"Are you insane?!" Navia held your shoulders, eyes wide.

This was the worst thing you could ever do to your best friend.

"Maybe I am." You told her, chuckling slightly as your thumbs caressed the nerves behind her palms. Navia, as intimidating as her occupation was, never once gripped you this hard.

You wish you could hug her fully.

But these prison bars are holding you back.

"Can you blame me, Nav?"

"Don't." She glared. "Don't do this."

Navia trembled.

"Please, don't follow Dad..."

The blonde woman was reduced to a young, hopeless girl. You saw a reflection of the small Navia who lost Callas, and that short glimpse was stretched into a whole tragic spectacle.

"I'm begging you, (Y/n). Please… d-don't go away. Don't leave me too…"

This was the cruelest you've ever been to someone you love.

But also the kindest you've been to yourself.

"There's nothing else I can do, Nav."

"W-We can always do something! There must be a way!" She screamed gutturally. "We'll find a way to make that Chief Justice pay instead. If there's a will—"

"But there's none. There is no will in me left."

"Then hold on to mine, for Archon's sake! Depend on me!"

"What for? We both lack the means to grasp our Archon's hand." You shook your head, grinning without life.

You wiped the tears off her cheeks. In a small fraction of time, you trembled, showing a bit of soul.

"Our Goddess has abandoned me. Everyone and everything but you had." You said. "Dear Navia, don't make this harder for yourself. Let me go."

"(Y/n)..."

Her grip relaxed.

Navia finally let go.

But that was not the scene's last word.

Clorinde sprinted towards your cell, seething in electric rage. Navia stepped back. Their relationship might be less than cordial, but Clorinde was also your friend.

And after all these years of friendship, she never would've guessed you would elicit such melancholic frustration within her.

She knows she'll come out of this duel victorious.

She knows if she doesn't say a word, she'll be the one to bury you six feet under.

Clorinde's fists clenched and her breathing grew harsh and difficult, unable to accept your inhumane gaze.

"Is this your solution, (Y/n)?"

From the tone of her voice, this would not be a pleasant conversation. One wrong word, and you'll see a side of the Champion Duelist not even her court opponents knew.

You nodded.

"Yes."

"State your reason."

"Because this is the only way I'll die with dignity."

…

"Die… with dignity?"

Something inside her cracked.

"Yes." You nodded again, becoming uncertain. "At least with this, there would be something Neuvillette cannot decide for me. And (Y/n) (L/n) chooses a dignified death."

“DEATH HAS NO DIGNITY!!!”

You and Navia flinched at the sudden sound.

Clorinde screamed, feeling her eyes burn. Her veins became more prominent in her face and her skin reddish. The sheer force of her scream was enough to bring your full attention to her, yet to the duelist, her uncharacteristic outburst meant nothing.

“DEATH WILL ALWAYS BE UGLY!!! DEATH– DEATH IS NEVER BEAUTIFUL!!! IT IS ALWAYS SINISTER— LOATHSOME AND VILE.”

"Clor—"

She pulled you by your collar.

“There– there is only dignity in living.” She trembled, casting her gaze down. “You can live with dignity– but you can’t die with it.”

For a while, only her unsteady breathing could be heard.

Clorinde eventually calmed down, her heavy sighs and frantic pants slowing as the red hue of her face somewhat returned to its usual pale complexion. She couldn’t afford a second more to process her growing grief.

"Find another duelist."

As a successor to the Marechaussee Hunters, there's no one else you need but her.

"But I want you."

"(Y/n)."

"You've always been my idol, Clorinde." You told her solemnly. "I always thought you at least made my clients have a clean death under your blade."

Clorinde paused.

That, she cannot deny.

She did spare mercy to the people you defended. But she doesn't understand how you fail to comprehend why she couldn't bear to bring herself to enact the same reprieve for you.

"Retrieve your gloves. I don't and I won't accept your challenge." Clorinde closed her eyes. "Live your days in the Fortress instead. Death is not the solution."

You laughed. As if you'd let yourself be under Wriothesley's guidance when you can smell from miles away that he's one of Neuvillette's lap dogs.

"Isn't this suffering enough?" You spoke with a casual lack of self-preservation. "I don't want to live under Neuvillette's scrutinizing eyes. Not anymore."

You looked up.

That empty smile was no longer on your face.

And that was somehow more frightening than it should be.

"So do your job as a champion and end it all, just like what you've done to Uncle Callas and the others."

Your last conversation with the Duke was not as memorable as when he caught you spiking the Iudex’s cup, yet you’d give his personality credit where it is due. His was certainly a memorable one.

Wriothesley stood a few steps away from the bars while you purposefully cornered yourself. The distance was noticeable. It was clear that neither of you was close to each other. This was mere formality brought about by one of your should’ve-been victims.

“So, you sure don’t want to be roommates?” Wriothesley asked. "Or you know, see old friends and family down there?"

"I'd rather not disappoint them with my presence."

“So, you're a coward?" He asked, intending to provoke you.

"Maybe?" you answered, mimicking his tone. "Wouldn't know. Last time I checked, I was an honorable defense attorney. But suddenly, the Iudex had a change of heart."

"Neuvillette didn't have a change of heart. You are a terrorist."

You laughed sardonically, "suppose so."

You both weren't entirely wrong. Friends and foe alike know you've turned to rebellion after the justice system had failed you repeatedly. Neuvillette's lovestruck fixation was merely the final straw.

“You’re walking on a death sentence.”

“No shit,” you clicked your tongue and continued. “What else do you think this is for?”

“The Iudex was convinced that you’re acting out because you had a guilty conscience, and he’s very willing to drop those charges and forgive you.”

“Guilty conscience?! HA!!!” You laughed. “As if I felt guilty for what I’ve done. If anything, I’m rejoicing.”

Wriothesley smirked, but it faded quickly.

“I told him the same, but then he says if that were true, you’re probably just masking it to play the villain’s part.”

“Do you believe every word he says?”

“No,” Wriothesley did not hesitate to answer. “I know a criminal when I see one. And I also know when a criminal can get away with their mess.”

“The jury thinks otherwise– the oratrice cannot be wrong.” You snickered. “I’m as guilty as they come, hands filled with arsenic and all.”

"You can still get out of this. Sure, you'll get a stern talking-to— a lecture on the virtue of honor and respect. But in the end, he'd give you a second chance. He's still hoping that a mutual agreement will arise in the end."

You expressed your disinterest with a droopy-eyed “Blah, blah, blah…”

Wriothesley frowned.

“You’ll make him depressed.”

You raised an eyebrow.

“And you think I care? Fontaine can flood next month. Just as long as I die tomorrow it’s none of my business.”

…

“Well, it’s your call,” Wriothesley said. “If you’re willing to throw your life away like that, then you probably wouldn’t survive a week underwater.”

He wrapped a hand around one of the bars.

“You know, (Y/n),” the Duke looked at you dead in the eye. “Marriage with the Iudex isn’t as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

You laughed.

“What makes you say that?” You smiled through gritted teeth. “Are you his second spouse?”

“I’m just saying,” he shrugged. “You could’ve just lived a bit more silently.”

You glared.

“Are you saying I should live like a caged bird? That I should accept that our system here is rigged?”

“I’m saying you should’ve been more grateful with what you have.”

You scoffed.

“Wow.”

An awkward silence followed after. It wasn’t as if a quip was hard to form– but the historical context behind whom you were speaking to made weighing empathy over spite a challenge. You knew of his past, his name or lack thereof, and quiet allegiance to Neuvillette. Sigewinne had made sure you knew of it to glorify the adoptive “father” of the Melusines. Wriothesley owes him his survival.

But "Wriothesley" of all people should've known that those who know morbid truths cannot be silenced forever.

And Neuvillette owes you a peaceful death.

… The Duke sighed, noticing that his admiration for the Iudex did not align with his current morals.

“We’ll forever agree to disagree on this, won’t we?” He asked.

“Hopefully not forever, I don’t want to stay here for much longer.”

Wriothesley chuckled at your morbid joke. But before he could walk away with a less-than-heavy heart, you shifted from your corner.

“Hey, Wriothesley?”

He turned to look at you– your hand specifically.

It’s a letter.

“Mind handing these to the authorities?”

Wriothesley’s eyes widened.

“Is that–”

“It’s a written confession,” you chuckled. “Don’t ask me how I got a pen and paper. I know that damn bastard forbids anyone to lend me anything that’ll help me write a final will. Gotta say, at least his etiquette lessons had some use. At least my last words are in pretty cursive.”

He didn’t say another word.

…

The Duke left the room, empty-handed.

…

No one wants to see the Iudex more heartbroken than he already is now.

The interrogation room was small, but not to the point that there was a minimal budget for its construction. You sat on one end behind the glass divider after one of the guards took your letter. There were only plain walls and two lightbulbs on the ceiling. At the center of the room is a table with two chairs on either side, no pen or paper.

Nothing but an empty table.

But the quiet comfort was gone when the man of the hour closed the door behind him. As the ticking of the clock becomes more softer, the two individuals would be forced to sit for the duration of this “interrogation.”

It was none other than your husband, the Iudex, the Chief Justice of Fontaine, and the bane of your existence.

Monsieur Neuvillette.

His back was straight; his eyes, “stern” and focused. He clasped his hands together, fingers intertwined. His gaze searched for something— regret, remorse, anything that could make the upcoming nightmare disappear.

Neuvillette's voice was “calm” and “collected.”

But you didn’t buy it. Not with his messy hair, his forlorn look, his frown. You rarely saw him cry. You had a gut feeling he hides it by standing amidst heavy rain, but this time the redness of his eyes and puffiness of his cheeks says it all.

It’s a heavy downpour outside.

He can’t be bothered to hide his tears from the public eye anymore.

"In your own words, please explain why you had attempted to poison me."

Your eyes lit up. He immediately wished he could take those words back.

So, he’s still in denial. Neuvillette seriously didn’t think you wrote the letter. He probably didn’t think it was your handwriting. It was almost insulting.

“Oh, Monsieur! You are as generous as they say, finally letting your spouse speak for themselves!” You grinned sarcastically. “And they say chivalry is dead! DEAD!!!”

He cringed at your pointed enthusiasm.

You recount the day you attempted to murder him, describing how you had slipped the poison into his favorite cup. How you didn’t really care to hope it wouldn’t be noticed since what mattered more to you was his death over your own freedom. The more detailed you became, the more it suffocated him.

“But, as you can see, you’re alive and I am behind this glass window,” you tapped the divider. “Away from you, at last.”

He bit his lip.

“(Y/n)—”

“I hate you.”

He breathed in shakily.

“I know.”

“And yet you still fell for it.” Your voice suddenly softened.

“Why?” You continued. “Why did you believe my act for the past month? I know you had your suspicions, so why? You knew I was just playing along to get your guard down– to act like some loving housewife so I can find the opportunity to smother you with a pillow– so… why?”

“Maybe…”

Neuvillette took a deep breath.

“Maybe it’s because dying by your hands would be a dignified way to go.”

Your eyes widened. The air turned to glue. Breathing became a challenge.

He looked up, meeting your gaze. Monsieur Neuvillette was serious. No shifting position can make you feel comfortable.

Because Neuvillette in his most sincere form of speech is the most brutal.

“I just wished to be loved by y-you,” his voice cracked. “Even for a moment, even for a lie, I would die to know I was loved by you.”

His face crumpled, tears flowing freely. He reached a hand out against the glass window, his palm marking the divider. Neuvillette was breathing erratically, desperate to hold you. The pain in his chest was getting heavier, much like the rain outside. You almost couldn’t hear him from all the background noise, and you wished that was what happened.

This was the man who took your clients' happiness. The man who took Uncle Callas away with his rationale. The reason for your unhappiness.

And yet, you couldn't think of any other person who would love you as much as he does.

“Y-You know me for who I-I am,” he gasped out. “I am but a weak and beaten down man w-who couldn’t express himself like a human being. Y-You were there, you comforted me with not a smile, an umbrella, or thoughtless words of encouragement— you accepted me for who I was with a warm embrace.”

You hated it.

You hate how your heart ached for the man that made your life a living hell.

“I was the leader of the Revolution and I needed intel against you, nothing more.” You spat. This time, you were the least convincing one. “It was an act of kindness I shouldn’t have done.”

“Yet it has helped me more than you had accounted for.”

“And never before have I ever regretted playing savior.”

“I was merely attempting to reform your life,” Neuvillette breathlessly spoke. “I wished to set you on the right path. You were a gifted individual with great connections. Your peers had high expectations of you. For you to throw that away for nonsense activism— no— terrorism is heartbreaking. And I—”

Neuvillette gulped.

“I didn’t want to face you on the other side of the courtroom.”

You laughed.

“Some things are just fated to happen,” you said. “An old astrologist told me that. She told me I was bound to get myself in deep legal trouble. Growing up, I figured it might as well be a cause worth doing if it’ll lead me to that path eventually. Why else did I become a defense attorney in such a hellishly political land?”

He trembled, tears falling at a faster rate.

You almost wanted to reach out and wipe those tears away.

Almost.

“Must you treat your life as though it is disposable?” Neuvillette asked, choking slightly. “Why are you…”

You digressed. “You’re not going to retract those charges are you?”

“I did.”

You frowned.

“But Lady Furina would not allow it,” he shook, frustrated. “She found out about your past, your hatred for her so-called incompetences and published lese-majestes.”

“Good for her, good for her.”

Neuvillette’s hand slowly slid down.

“I can’t… I cannot watch this…”

You felt a surge of confidence, for Neuvillette was indeed devoid of hope. You've never seen him with his head hung low. What went through Neuvillette's mind remained uncertain. Perhaps, just a small piece of him knew you could never be his. Perhaps he knew that you were destined for a doomed fate.

But it doesn't matter.

All that mattered was that you were free.

That was a month ago.

The rain had been going on nonstop for thirty days, and the Hydro Archon had every right to worry.

“I can’t sleep…” Neuvillette thought he spoke out loud, but it was just a whisper. He’s growing weak, his sleep deprivation catching up to him.

“Then come lay your head down,” she yawned slightly, fanning her breath. “Such heavy thoughts need a place to rest.”

“An irresistible offer,” Neuvillette mused humorlessly. “But I must decline.”

“Oh Neuvillette, when will you relax from this role you carry?” The archon spoke rhetorically.

Neuvillette chuckled sadly.

The heavy downpour wouldn’t stop.

Perhaps…

Perhaps when the day comes and he is stripped of dignity.

Maybe then, he’ll have his rest.

Neuvillette had already forgotten why he was crying that fateful day. But in those memories, he recalls he was callow and unformed. Was it due to an unfavorable trial? The problem evades him. His recollection remains only in how the people reacted around him. Many asked if he was okay and he'd reply with a simple "I'm fine". And he was, until he could no longer convince himself with that lie. He was certain he was about to dip his toes in another cycle of nihilism.

And then you came.

“Monsieur Neuvillette?”

The rain was pouring out in the cemetery. You were there; your presence questionable. He knew that you arrived intending to probe whether or not he was a sovereign dragon, but he gave you the nod of acknowledgment.

“Greetings, Mx. (Y/n),” he answered, “I trust you’ve been well? Is there a person whom you’re visiting?”

He asked in sheer politeness despite knowing your motivations.

“...”

You frowned.

“How long?”

“Pardon?”

“How long have you been carrying that loneliness, Monsieur?” You asked, voice louder. “How long?”

His lip quivered.

“Centuries, perhaps,” the Iudex thought he could pass it off as a light joke to catch you off-guard, but it came off as too sincere. “I do not keep track.”

You cautiously and awkwardly approached Neuvillette, and without a word, wrapped your arms around him in a comforting embrace.

Just like what Uncle Callas had done for you before.

Your existence here was anathema and your words were seditious. His initial reaction was to resist because he knew you were just like Vautrin. He knew you were secretly seeking vengeance because the oratrice unfavorably judged numerous friends and family.

But he needed it. He needed this badly.

It was then that the Iudex decided that he needed you. That he will keep you.

Neuvillette cannot handle another Vautrin— he can't handle another Carole. So, he'll do it right this time. He'll keep you safe, from your illegal associations and even from yourself.

And it was a selfish yet necessary need.

A lump formed in his throat as a tear fell, trickling down his cheek slowly. He allowed himself to melt in your hug, trembling.

“You’re going to need all the hugs you can get if you’re planning to stay as Iudex for centuries more,” you whispered. “You’re resilient, but in this world, that solitary resilience won’t be enough, won’t it?”

Unable to maintain his stoic facade any longer, Neuvillette gripped you tighter in that embrace, his vulnerability finally resurfacing physically rather than Fontaine's rains. Surprised by his sudden tirade of sobs, you embraced him with all the warmth you could muster. At that moment, you had an epiphany. Despite the enmity of their positions, they were the same. Both of you were victims of a nation that demanded more in your assigned roles than you could bear.

“If you'd let me, I'll be the person you’d come to if you ever need a hug.” You weren’t sure if you said it as a devious plan or an act of empathy. “I wouldn’t mind. Not at all.”

You've made yourself important to him now.

Neuvillette cannot lose you too.

As he clung to the solace you inadvertently provided, you can't help but wish you never extended that small comfort months later. Every inch given could be exploited, and when you offered him a shred of empathy, he had seized it and turned it into a mile-long advantage. The vulnerability shared in that hug was the dangerous crack in the sword you've worked so hard to maintain.

And so, when the time came you faced Champion Duelist Clorinde with it, the gaps broke the sword completely and with its death came soon the end of your life.

She was right. There is no dignity in dying with a broken hilt.

But there was peace.

And as much as you hated Neuvillette, you wish he’d have it too.

"I've made it this far, and all I've ever done was in accordance with what fate and others wanted of me. In my demise, let me do something for myself." “After all, I’ve learned from watching Uncle Callas when he fought Champion Duelist Clorinde— an encounter I’ll surely experience in the next few days— that there is beauty in the end. In his last moments, my much younger self saw what expression he wore.” “He was content. The most content I had ever seen in someone's face.” “It was then that I had an epiphany. One that I hope my “husband” Neuvillette will remember, and I care not if it will bring him comfort or pain.” “What I learned was simple:” “Count no man happy till he dies, free of pain at last.”

Taglist (lmk if you want to be added on the other three fics!): @ayadikreino @kireeen, @pebblemacaroon, @thelostpanta, @vennnnn-diagram, @sagekun, @vadelma-yatta, @detectivei @sugarplumcutiepie @sunhareskies @dxprived4-starboys @unloadingdata @harmonysanreads (amen.) @atomicsoulhumanspy @sangoqueenkoko @pix-stuff @dilucragnidvr

#ansy-writes #yandere genshin #yandere genshin x reader #yandere genshin impact #yandere x reader #yandere fanfiction #yandere male #yandere neuvillette #yandere neuvillette x reader #neuvillette #neuvillete x reader #yandere #male yandere #yanderecore #yandere genshin impact x reader #yandere scenarios

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sillygoosealert · 2 months

Text

Please come help me…honey ?(⇀‸↼‶)

Mental break down :3

(implied you have grabbable hair, not long just grabbable)

Bi-Han wakes up late, his hair is a mess and dried tear streaks mark his face

He waits a few minutes to get up and brush his hair

He doesn’t know what brush to use and that upsets him, it really shouldn’t though

He picks a blue one and tries to drag it through his hair

It’s getting stuck and makes his hair more tangled

He’s getting more upset, the brush gets tossed into the wall, not hard but not gently

He calms down enough to start to do his bun

It’s knotted and matted but it doesn’t matter

He tries twisting it but it hurts, it’s not brushed enough for that

He has to brush it more, he grabs another brush and starts to go through his hair

It’s better, good enough to put up

He twist it, but can’t seem to be able to put it a circle

It falls apart each time or has too many bumps, it isn’t good

It manages to stay in a circle long enough for him to put a hair tie around it

He moves back, then it comes out

He lets out a cry of pure frustration, and he crumbles to the ground

‘Honey, I'm sorry can you please come help me again..?’

He gets worried when he doesn't hear a response

As he hurries to the bed, he realizes it's empty, you aren't in bed

Then he just lays down and cuddles your pillow

Because he knows you aren't going to be in your bed

You aren't going to be in your room

Not your house

Not with him

Not with Bi-Han

You died a few months ago. He hasn't been taking it reasonably

He lashes out, yells, doesn't take care of himself

Despite the circumstances, he can't help but feel responsible for what happened.

You were walking to your station when you were ambushed, they grabbed your hair and slit your throat before you could react

You didn't have time to put up your hair that morning, so it wasn't out of the way

That wouldn't change much if it was, but it would've given you a better chance

He gets out of bed, twisting his hair again, and putting it in a circle

He stretches out the tie, and then it breaks

He stays still, unsure if that really happened

After a few seconds, he starts to cry, he looks at himself in the mirror, and he can't take it

He hits the mirror, and the fragments penetrate his hand

He falls to the ground as he sobs, begging for you to please help him with his hand and put his hair in a bun for him

‘I didn't mean to dear, please help me get the pieces out’

He starts to shake, falling to the ground and curling up

He comes out much later that day with a facial grimacing that can only be described as hurt and confusedsed

This wasn't very good, I might redo it or do something else, sorry if it has mistakes or lacks real character for Bi-Han and plot 🎀

#mortal kombat x reader #bi han #mk1 bi han #mortal kombat #bi han x reader #bihan #angst #mortal kombat sub zero #mortal kombat angst #mortal kombat bi han

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rarepears · 7 months

Note

Nie Huaisang, Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, and Nie Mingjue all reincarnate together into PIDW, and become disciples around the same time as Luo Binghe.

The drama of this is of course enhanced by the facts that NMJ & JGY died "early," but NHS & LXC lived to the end of their natural lives as cultivators, and so some of their perspectives and opinions on events have naturally changed with age. (tfw the passage of time renders you unfamiliar to your once-loved ones)

Eventually they talk about their feelings and reconcile and such, and this ends up derailing the plot of PIDW severely as the rest of the PIDW characters confusedly observe quite possibly the weirdest disciples Cang Qiong's ever seen

NMJ on Bai Zhan, with no clue what's going on because he died first and NHS & LXC haven't told him anything

NHS on An Ding, thoroughly enjoying what's pretty much a vacation to him at this point and possibly running an interpeak illicit goods market (definitely not to distract himself from any of the emotions having NMJ & JGY alive and nearby would be causing him, Everything Is Fine) I haven't decided if he'd get involved with the whole og!SQH and MBJ situation tho

LXC on Qiong Ding, because I feel like he'd see himself in Yue Qingyuan and lowkey hate him for it and I think that could be interesting

JGY on Qing Jing, because he's the objectively the funniest/most interesting character to throw into the mess that is SJ and LBH. The way I imagine it, he's doing the most direct derailing of the plot, because he mostly accidentally gets right in the middle of the thing that is going on between those two

I feel like as I wrote this it became more serious than I originally intended so just know that I'm mentally picturing this like a fic that's interspersed with outsider POV of the 4 of them being completely deranged about eachother

(Also I'd feel bad taking away LXC's brother so LWJ and WWX + friends are busy doing hot girl shit being rogue cultivators. I think WWX should be a half demon so he gets to keep the cultivation and steal some of LBH's protagonist energy. If this was a fic then the rest of the Untamed gang would be perfect to use for side characters during off-peak missions)

*grabs popcorn and sits down to hear more*

Nie Huaisang is having too much fun waiting the two idiots called his shizun and shizun's poorly kept secret of a boyfriend go flailing around on these terribly unromantic dates BUT THE TWO WERE TRYING SO HARD that it was cute. He wonders if he should do something to help the poor idiots out... Should he?

Maybe he should...

(Watch Shang Qinghua and Mobei Jun suddenly have a number of sex pollen accidents over the next few months....)

Lan Xichen would be an old man and a good voice of reason for Yue Qingyuan. Although he's head disciple and a very good one at that (if only because his Big Brother instincts can't be held back and he MUST interfere to help prevent history repeating once more), Lan Xichen has made it very clear that he would never accept becoming sect leader.

Also don't forget Liu Mingyan in the background writing about a 4 person sex orgy. At least, that's her personal theory for why there's so much UNRESOLVED TENSION between these four sus male disciples. And also, because it's fun.

It's even funner when you consider that Nie Mingjue is out of the loop of Cang Qiong stuff even on Bai Zhan because he tags along on so many of Liu Qingge's missions that he's probably spending like 8 months of the year outside of the sect.

(Nie Huaisang gets "assigned" to missions that happen to take place near Nie Mingjue's hunts.)

Meng Yao is Meng Yao and he still craves the approval of Male Authority Figures That Could be his dad. Also Meng Yao still likes to climb up the social hierarchy and power. AKA Luo Binghe growing mushrooms in the corner at seeing ANOTHER QING JING disciple THE SAME AGE AS HIM being given SO MUCH ATTENTION AND APPROVAL by shizun.

Luo Binghe develops a complex over Meng Yao of course.

(Shen Jiu approves of Meng Yao because he understands these characters very well and know how to manipulate (cough kill or injury them physically or mentally) them easily. Plus Meng Yao is actually competent.)

[More in #Nie Huaisang Lan Xichen Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue reincarnate into PIDW and are Cang Qiong disciples at the same time as Luo Binghe is AU

#mdzs #mao dao zu shi #mxtx #the untamed #svsss #svsss au #svsss ideas #scum villain's self saving system #lan xichen #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #meng yao #Nie Huaisang Lan Xichen Meng Yao and Nie Mingjue reincarnate into PIDW and are Cang Qiong disciples at the same time as Luo Binghe is AU

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starguardianniom · 6 months

Text

The Paris Special and Cataclysm

So the special happened right after Destruction ended, so right after Monarch deliberately made Chat Noir use Cataclysm on him so Ladybug could not longer have any leverage on him and escape with the Lucky Charm, dooming himself.

A bit later the same night Claw Noir, while fighting Chat Noir, Cataclysm himself and doesn't seem bothered after letting out a scream. Or the physical pain doesn't even reach the level of emotional pain he feels during that time, who knows.

So Chat Noir has his own father and an evil alternate version of himself who literally had him hurt themselves and he's horrified.

They are willing to hurt each other if it means they can win in the long run, showing their goals have past reached their own wellbeing. It just shows how unhealthy they are mentally and how it poisons their minds.

Cataclysm here seems to be the symbolism of their destructive grief and negative emotions, they let it consume and hurt themselves rather than trying to heal and move on. And grief can literally kill you, dying of a broken heart is a real thing, and I feel that in the special it showed us the 2 possible outcomes of it.

Negative emotions can lead you to spiral that can end with you also destroying yourself emotionally and physically, though I don't feel like I need to go into details, I feel the special kind of showed some ideas well enough.

In the first one outcome, which would be Gabriel since he got Cataclysmed first before Betterfly, Shadybug and Claw Noir showed up, Gabriel never let go of his grief and negative emotions, doesn't want to move on from Émilie and wants to bring her back no matter what, that's the outcome of letting grief and negative emotions consume you entirely.

The second outcome is Claw Noir not minding to get Cataclysmed himself and keeps using his power all the time, but in the end after a talk with Adrien, he choose to let it go and finally start to heal rather than stewing in his bitterness, sadness and loneliness and the all consuming, numbing pain of grief and all the dark emotions that comes with it. Of course he still has work ahead of himself, but he did the first most important step, and it was to accept that his mother was gone and would have prefered him to be happy rather than being miserable and mourning her loss for the rest of his life, and sure you can keep mourning your loved ones, but it doesn't mean that you can't learn to live with it and move on and be happy yourself, they still stay with you in your heart, and they would want you to live a long and happy life even if they're aren't around anymore.

I think this is why in the end (apart from the other reason of plot device since we still had the rest of season 5 to go through) Claw Noir got healed from his Cataclysm wound by Shadybug's Miraculous Cure, whereas Monach wasn't, because Claw Noir was ready to let go of his grief, Monarch wasn't, so Claw Noir got healed cause he wanted to stop hurting over his mother's disappearance after a talk with his alternate self who completely understood his feelings and situation and told him his own experience and offered advice that helped him be in a much better mental state that he was, but Monarch didn't want to give up on Émilie after getting most of the miraculouses after he feels so close after all this time so he wasn't healed because he couldn't let go, as he is obsessed over Émilie and his goal.

Which brings to their fate, Claw Noir lives, while Monarch at the end of season 5, dies, well choose to die and join Émilie and fix Nathalie rather than facing the consequences of his actions more would be it, getting what he wanted and also not entirely, given he was supposed to bring Émilie back and sacrifice someone else so that they could be a happy family again, but instead he chose to orphanate Adrien and be with Émilie and have Nathalie guard Adrien at the last second, he's still a horrible excuse of a parent and while I'm beyond pissed at this ending I'm also beyond done watching him do anymore crap for the following seasons.

So in the Paris Special there was the lowkey message of either you let your grief and negative emotions destroy you or you choose to accept them and start moving on to heal, and it was symbolised by Cataclysm.

It doesn't mean you aren't allowed to feel grief or negative emotions, you can't be happy 24/7 for your entire life, but letting them out in a healthy way instead of stewing in them without letting them go is what I feel the Special was about.

Thoughts?

Feel free to add your own piece of interpretation to it too.

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geminiartemis · 3 months

Text

Theory time!

It's been confirmed that someone is going to die in Hazbin Hotel. Here are the clues:

- It's a major character. (Not sure if main cast or just someone relevant)

- It's not Angel Dust.

- It's going to be obvious.

Uh, I'm sorry, when is it going to become obvious? Because it's not obvious right now. I've seen people speculating on literally the entire cast by now, from Fat Nuggets to Charlie herself.

My initial theory had been Angel Dust, but not as a permanent death. I thought he would "die" as a demon and come back as an angel.

But since it's been confirmed that it isn't Angel Dust, it could be literally anyone until we get more clues... So I'll just take a wild guess. I have my top three candidates that - in my opinion - are the most likely to die.

[Quick reminder that my theories are always incorrect.]

Since it's supposed to be someone obvious, I'm going with what seems more cliche.

#1 - Carmilla

The fact that she's the one who killed that angel makes her a target for the Exorcists if they ever find out it was her. She's also been portrayed as sympathetic, and it's possible that she's a fallen angel herself. Maybe her death will be what finally makes Sera and other pro-Extermination angels realize that things are going too far when angels are killing each other. Her death would also be sad because she would be mourned by her two daughters and Zestial. Just a compelling character death overall, but not someone the fandom is attached to enough to riot over. lol

#2 - Lucifer

For similar reasons to Carmilla, but even more impactful and tragic, because he's the main character's dad and beloved by the fandom. It could be the final straw that gets Charlie to use her full power. Could also be fitting, as the story started with him and now ended with him.

(I'm so glad my theories are always wrong. I would be crushed if Lucifer died. lol)

#3 - Sera

Self-sacrificing to do the right thing for once and atone for authorizing the Extermination, blah blah blah. Maybe this is just wishful thinking because I don't really care for this character. :P

Bonus guess (main cast only) - Husk

If it must be someone from the main cast, my guess is Husk, but only because everyone else seems even more unlikely to me. Charlie is the main character, Vaggie is too close to the main character (as in, Chaggie is too iconic), Alastor is too popular and interesting to be killed off, Sir Pentious and Niffty are too much on the comic relief side to be compelling character deaths, and Husk would be interesting because of his connection with Angel Dust. But yeah, I'm not actually too sold on this myself. I don't see how the plot would benefit from his death, it'd just be yet another way to mentally torture Angel.

#Hazbin Hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #hazbin hotel carmilla #hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin hotel sera #hazbin hotel husk #hazbin hotel theory

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katmaatui · 7 months

Text

The Hal Jordan mental breakdown arc started all the way back in Green Lantern 1960 49, when he first leaves Central City to wander around the US. During this time period the most important issue for this discussion is gl 64, the first time that Hal expresses a desire to die rather than not be gl and gl 70, where Hal first expresses a desire to not be the Guardians loyal errand boy. This eventually leads into him and Ollie traveling the country, in which Hal becomes doubtful and shaken as his biases are confronted. This leads into the continued Hal is homeless arc as he moves around the country. While I'm skipping over many details here, during this point his whole world continues to be shocked, he loses his jobs, and then when Katma dies/John is arrested, Hal reaches out to his friends and is pushed away. He's so lonely for a friend at this stage. The only lanterns are mostly gone, he's alone. He begins to think there's so many senseless deaths, that they're failing. He's older, the white hair representing that yes he's experienced but he's tired, his whole life has been destroyed by being green lantern, for celestial masters who lied to him. (Not totally plot relevant but like Alan does explicitly compare him to a former gl who became a supervillain so). Like I cannot begin to explain to you how much the 70s to 90s is Hal has a horrible time, the comic. Like I haven't even gotten into the space exile and the psychodrama stuff. But anyway, during gl 1990 hal is shown to be possessive and controling because he has lost control over his whole life. He's focusing on getting the old him back, an arc that's been going on for a while (which others, namely ollie tells him off for). He learns the Guardians have been lying to him for years. Then of course, Coast City explodes and he's not there. He's not the hero he needs to be. He begins to hear the voices of those in coast city calling out for vengeance (46), he deals with the very weird Ferris family plot and sees Ollie again, at this point everyone is downplaying what the destruction of coast city actually means (47 + appearances in other titles), and then of course Emerald Twilight. Emerald Twilight takes the threads of Hal's preexisting mental breakdown and distrust of the Guardians and weaves them together by having the Guardians take Hal's ring away, like they have done before. Hal reacts differently, however, due to his preexisting mental state that had been led up to by years and years of issues. While emerald twilight was far from the only way it could have gone, it is a very reasonable possibility due to the pre established mental state of Hal at that time.

#posted this as a reply on twitter but I want to save it so like emerald twilight is valid manifesto #Hal Jordan

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spider-man-199999 · 10 months

Note

Hopefully I’m correct that you’re accepting requests since I just read your latest fic and was absolutely OBSESSED with it. Your writing style is absolutely beautiful hence I was hoping to request a fic. Basically something that takes place during NWH where the reader comes through during Strange’s spell because her best friend in her universe was a version of Peter. Except her Peter died during a tragic accident so she hasn’t seen him in a year or so. And while she’s there she ends up accidentally falling in love with the MCU version of Peter. So then they have to figure out how to keep her there instead of sending her home.

Hopefully that makes sense and wasn’t too long! Thank you<3

I’m actually fangirling so hard right now… bestie, you’re one of my favourite Peter Parker writers on here and I’m so overwhelmed by the idea that you like my writing 😭 I’m shaking ass, crying, throwing up, kicking my feet in the air.

pairing: MCU!Peter Parker x Fem!Reader;

word count: 5k

warnings: mentions of sex

A/n: I made the reader “glitch” because she’s in the wrong universe but the glitching isn’t a physical thing that happens to her, I wanted to explore it as a more of a mental issue. She’s experiencing severe memory loss and deja-vu’s simultaneously, which is the primary reason for them to try and fix things. Also in this universe Peter is a single Pringle to make it easier on me plot wise.

505 by Arctic Monkeys was blasting through your headphones while your feet rested on your desk. You were bobbing your head to the beat, playing your imaginary guitar.

"In my imagination, you're waitin' lyin' on your side. With your hands between your thighs" you sang softly to the song, eyes closed.

You didn't notice the soft sparkles forming next to you as the song continued.

"But I crumble completely when you cry. It seems like once again you've had to greet me with goodbye" you sang at the top of your lungs, when wind blew next to you, bright light finally capturing your attention.

You turned your head towards the light. There he was, Peter Parker, looking at you from the other side of what looked like a portal. Peter Parker? Your best friend, who died almost a year ago, was looking at you in confusion, in what seemed like a lab, along with some other people around him. The shock was so big that it made you fall backwards with your entire chair flipping. You were too captivated by the sight to even think straight. You thought you had lost him forever, you grieved him. You saw his body in the coffin, you cried your eyes out for months. And now he was standing in front of you. You got up, staring back at him with the same amount of confusion that was written all over his face. The headphones were off of your head now, but the music was still softly playing. You couldn't help it, the second you were convinced this wasn't a dream by pinching yourself, you practically jumped on top of him, hugging him as tightly as you could.

The portal behind you closed as you sobbed into his chest. Peter held you in his arms, looking at the other Peters for help.

"What do I do?" he mouthed while he desperately looked at them for help.

"Comfort her, you idiot!" Peter 2 mouthed back.

Peter 3 was recreating a hug and a pat on the head on an imaginary person, showing him what to do.

"I thought you were dead!" you cried. "No, you were dead! I saw you dead!"

Peter hugged you tighter, his hand patting your head. They all waited for you to calm down. You did, eventually, and finally let go of him. So many questions were running through your head, you didn't even know where to start. How was he alive? Where the hell had he been all this time? Who were these people? You were about to start asking but he beat you to it.

"I don't want you to freak out." he started, looking at the other Peters for support. They both nodded, like you were about to go apeshit on them any second now. "But I'm not your Peter."

You looked at him confused, then looked over at the other two. All three of them were actually in spidersuits. Now that he mentioned it, he really did not look exactly like the Peter you knew. For the most part, he did, but this version of him in front of you was slightly taller, no more than an inch, his hair was curlier and lighter in color. You looked at the two others next, taking a deep breath. You had been through enough Spider-man shit to know something extremely weird and beyond your comprehension was happening right now. So, you closed your eyes for a moment to take in this new information, exhaling afterwards.

"Okay. Please explain what's going on then." you said as calmly as possible, noticing as the tension from the bodies of all three of them literally evaporated.

And they went on, explaining the multiverse, the spell, their mission to cure the villains and change their faith. You nodded as you listened, trying to understand as much as you could. The Spider-man world has always been crazy and being his best friend was never easy, things like this used to happen all of the time. It wasn't long before you had your A game on to help all of them with their mission.

----

The more time you spent with Peter 1, the more obvious it was becoming that he wasn't your Peter. Sure, they looked almost identical, which you found a bit weird now that you had seen the other Peters and how they looked nothing like each other.

Turned out you didn't really exist in the universe you were in now, nothing close to you was present in Peter's life. Your name was unfamiliar, your parents didn't exist either. After a few long conversations, all of you came to the conclusion that you were something like what MJ was to him here.

Back to Peter, he was nothing like the best friend you had before. Most of the time it felt like you were standing in front of a stranger that you knew perfectly. You could finish all of his sentences, you could list all his favourite foods, the Star Wars movies he liked from most to least. You could vividly remember the sound of his heartbeat, you could remember his scent. You knew everything about how his Spider suit worked, you even used to modify the code for your Peter back in the day. You could even guess all of his passwords, which made all of the Peters terrified of you, since somehow you guessed all of them. Four universes apart and the guy somehow still wasn't creative enough to think of something different from "Stromtrooper99". All of this was overwhelming, to say the least. It made you miss your Peter more than you thought you could. Especially Peter 1. He was making it exceptionally hard for you, conflicting even. You could see your Peter in him, but something more as well. You could never in a million years see your Peter in a light different from being your best friend. But the case wasn't the same with Peter 1. The way he spoke, the way he carried himself, the way he smiled at you and treated you. It made your heart skip a beat. And he knew that. He knew it so well. His spider powers were way more enhanced than what you knew they were, he could physically hear your heartbeat skip when he was near. He could hear how fast it would start beating when he would place a hand on your shoulder, or when he got too close to you. It amused him, this effect he had on you. He knew this whole spell situation was a mess and it was no time to be a hormonal teenager and have crushes left and right but he couldn't help it, neither could you.

----

The realization of your crush on him hit you one night when you were working with the other Peters on a cure for the Green Goblin. Since your Peter tragically lost his life in a fight with the Green Goblin, it was important to you to prevent that for any other Spider-man you could. Peter 2 was working on something in the lab and Peter 3 was concentrated on something of his own when you walked in. Peter 1 sitting down and playing on his phone.

"Are the big boys not letting you play with them?" you asked in a baby voice as you placed your jacket down on a chair next to Peter 1. He smiled at you, pausing the Packman game on his phone.

"They said they got it covered." he replied, standing up.

You looked over at Peter 2, scanned the chemicals around him and looked around the room suspiciously. It felt oddly familiar, like you had already lived through his exact same moment before. Your Peter was dedicated to the mission of the cure as well, he had all of the same ingredients that were laying around here, but his experiment failed badly. Driven by something that you couldn't even explain, you grabbed all of the safety glasses you could get your hands to and started placing them on everyone in the room. There were only the four of you so it wasn't hard. The last one was Peter 2, who was just finishing up his "cure". You put the glasses on his eyes and took a step back before the mixture in his tube exploded all over him, spraying everyone in the room. After the explosion, which everyone took very lightly, all heads turned to you.

"How did you know?" all three of them asked in sync, putting you under the spotlight.

"I really don't know-" you said, just as confused as they were. Their spider-sense should have tingled, but it didn't. And somehow you knew when exactly this was going to happen.

"I think my Peter tried that before, I think it ended like this. I don't remember clearly."

"Did he succeed?" Peter 2 asked

"He did."

"Do you think you can remember this formula?"

You nodded. Wiping off the purplish goo that was on your glasses from the mild explosion earlier and stood in front of the table. You placed your hands on it, looking at the chemicals that were in front of you. Peter was the genius one out of the two of you. He was both the brain and the muscle, you were the support system. But when it came to this formula, he just didn't let you not participate for some reason. And he was apparently rightfully doing so, because people needed you now. This situation really brought back painful memories for you, the smell of chemicals, the sounds of sizzling, the colors. This was the last thing you ever did together with your best friend. The last conversation you ever had with him. The last time you saw him smile as he finally succeeded. A ball was forming in your throat as you stirred the mixture, waiting for it to get thick enough. You noticed the tears rolling down your cheeks as the liquidy white mixture in the tube got thicker with every stir. Peter would have been so proud of you if he could see you now, he would have said something stupid like "Okay, show-off, remember I taught you how to do that." with his arms crossed in front of his chest, but in reality he would have been proud of you. It was hard for you to do this without him, you never imagined you'd ever have to. Your hands were shaking lightly when you added the last ingredient, stirring it up until it turned a dark purple color. You placed the tube down, looking up at the worried expressions in front of you.

"I'm done."

"Okay, show-off." Peter 1 said and smiled at you.

That was the moment that made you realize that you actually felt something different for him. Most of the time you were really trying to gain your best friend back, you were clinging onto him because he reminded you of your Peter. But he was so much... more. He was the same and yet so different. He was nicer, more considerate, more caring. Your Peter wanted to save the Green Goblin because the person behind the mask was his friend, he wanted his friend back. This Peter wanted to save the Goblin because he believed people could change for good. He believed in the light and goodness of people, in second chances, in selflessly helping others. He believed he could alter the fate of the damned and give them a better future. Your Peter wasn't like that, he could never be like that.

You brushed the tears from your eyes as he walked over to hug you. The four of you fist-bumped each other and shared a small celebration before you continued to work on other things.

-----

A gentle kiss on the forehead. That was all it took for you to melt like butter in his arms. He held you tightly, both of you standing alone on a rooftop in the middle of New York.

"You did so well today." he whispered to you as he held you. "It must have been so hard for you."

All you could do was nod to his words, hiding your face in his neck while you held back the tears. He knew the story, you had to tell him all about how your best friend died in front of your eyes, killed by the Green Goblin who had lost his mind. How he surrendered just so he could inject the cure in the Green Goblin as he tackled him with his final blow. How it wasn't supposed to end like this, and how it did. Your memories were flashing back in front of your eyes like a horror movie screening, and you just weren't allowed to leave the cinema. Thankfully Peter was there to bail you out the second you were done with recreating the cure. And now he was calmly holding you while you were trying your hardest not to fall apart.

"Thank you." you mumbled to him, looking up at him.

He smiled encouragingly at you, his hand petting your hair.

"No, thank you. All of us would have ended up blind if you didn't finish the cure."

"No, your superhuman healing would have prevented that."

''It doesn't mean it hurts any less.''

"I actually thought it did, I wouldn't survive a building falling on top of me, but you would. Theoretically, if we experience the same amount of pain, how can you push through it and not die? Doesn't make much sense."

"You're totally ruining the script in my head right now..."

"Oh, you had a script? And for what?" you laughed

"Well, you were supposed to ask me "Does it hurt now?" and I was going to say "The only thing that hurts right now is my lips because they're not kissing yours" and then we were going to kiss and fall in love and-"

"Does it hurt right now?" you interrupted him, your heart beating so loud in your chest that you weren't sure you heard his script to begin with.

"What?"

"Does it hurt... now?" you asked, even more anxious this time, almost convinced you actually got it wrong. He made an oh sound, nodding his head.

"The only thing that hurts right now is my lips because they're not kissing yours" he replied, leaning in closer to you and placing his lips gently on yours.

You stopped breathing for a second before kissing him back. It felt wonderful, magical even, the gentle movement of his soft lips on yours, his hot breath on your skin. His hands were on your arms, stroking them for comfort while your hands were on his back, holding him. You never thought you could enjoy a kiss as much as you did this one. It was almost painful when it ended. He smiled at you, pulling you in the tightest hug he had ever given you afterwards.

-------

Peter just had to brag about this to the others. He told everyone how in love he was with you. He felt so unbelievably proud not only for pulling a girl way out of his league, but having what he calls "ïnterdimentional rizz". You stopped counting the eyerolls after they got to 30. Of course you found it cute how he was so happy and excited about the two of you kissing, but this was raising so many questions. You felt like you wanted to enjoy it but you really couldn't, your mind was constantly jumping to different thoughts about you eventually going back to your own dimension. You kept having deja-vus all of the time, and some things seemed like they were slipping your mind .

You tried ignoring it the best you could, but it got to a point where it couldn't really be ignored anymore.

All of you were finishing up on the action plan on how to cure everyone. The whole group was in the lab, discussing it. You were sitting on the table, Peter standing between your legs, his back pressed to your chest. You had rested your head on his shoulder while all of them talked.

"Don't the two of you think it's kind of weird to be having this conversation in this position?" Peter 3 asked, looking at the two of you.

"It's not like I haven't been between her legs before" Peter joked, making you look at him confused.

"No, you haven't."

He looked back at you, just as confused.

"Well I did fuck you hard enough to make forget your own name last night but forgetting the whole thing? That’s some next level fucking" he continued joking.

You didn't really get the joke but still laughed.

"Pete, what are you talking about? I wasn't with you last night, I was helping Ned here to modify your Spidersuit ai" you shook your head with a smile.

"Y/N, that was 3 days ago." Ned said.

"Wait so you actually don't remember us doing it?" Peter moved from his position, turning around to face you. He looked devastated and upset, slightly worried too.

"I- " you managed to say but stopped, looking down at your feet. You didn't know what to say to make things better, he was probably feeling terrible about this already, you felt like you were the villain for not remembering the last 3 days of your life.

You didn't remember your first time with Peter. How much worse could it get?

"She's glitching." Dr. Strange said, looking at you from the back of the room. "You can tell the future too, can't you?"

You nodded, looking over at him. This meeting was the first time you have ever met the wizard and he scared you. He was very cranky and looked annoyed all of the time. He rarely spoke, unless he wanted to argue with someone. Strange walked over to Peter, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"We need to wrap this thing up and get everyone back to their home." He told him.

"What? No, no, we can't just send her back!"

"We have to, she's already glitching, the longer she stays here, the worse it will get."

You looked over at Peter, tears welling up in his eyes. He looked at you too, helpless and desperate. He immediately hugged you, kissing your forehead.

"I'm going to figure this out, I promise." he whispered in your ear.

You hugged him tightly, kissing his shoulder.

"I want you to not die tonight, promise me that, we'll figure out the rest."

"I'm not going anywhere."

----

The fight was finally over. Everyone was beat up and hurt, but it was over. Everything that could go wrong, went wrong. Thankfully no one died. Biggest mistake being the portal that Ned opened up not closing. You knew it was going to happen because of your glitching and tried to handle the situation as best as possible. Fighting a giant lizard with bare hands wasn’t the best idea, but there wasn’t much you could really do anyway. Peter came to the rescue, thankfully. After everything died down and all of you were left in the ruins of battle, you felt like you could finally breathe again. Peter hugged you, his blood getting all over your clothes. You cried into his chest. He kept his promise, he didn’t die in the fight. His lips kissed your forehead, brushing your tears from your eyes.

“Are you hurt?” he asked, letting go of you. His hands were holding your shoulders as he lowered himself to be on your eye level.

He looked you up and down, making sure you really weren’t hurt. You were shaking your head “no” while he did that.

Strange was finishing up the spell, which meant you were about to go home soon.

“Pete..” you started, looking around as the portals started opening up around you.

“No, don’t say it.” he interrupted you, tears welling up in his eyes.

Your heart was breaking from seeing him so torn up. You put your hands on his cheeks, cupping his face, placing a soft peck on his lips.

“We’ll find a way.” you mumbled, your foreheads pressed against one another. He nodded, hugging you tightly again.

“We have to, you don’t remember us having sex! We have to do it again!”

The two of you laughed, sharing a sweet kiss after that. A portal leading to your bedroom opened up close to the both of you. You saw your desk, the chair that had fallen over all this time ago. The two of you looked at it.

“I’ll see you on the other side, Spider-man.” you told him with a smile, letting go of the hug so you could step into your room again. You held onto his hand for as long as you could, looking back at him.

He looked so broken and scared, the tears were rolling down his cheek, his hair was a mess, his costume was ruined and covered in blood and dirt. You fought back the tears yourself, smiling the whole time. A smile that was meant to comfort him and encourage him, to tell him that everything is going to be okay. You stepped into the portal, finally letting go of his hand as the portal was no longer big enough for your hands to be through it. And he was gone. With the snap of a finger, he was gone. You dropped on your knees, finally allowing yourself to cry as the realization hit you, you had lost Peter Parker not once, but twice in the span of a year.

---

You took off the glasses as you finally finished the spider-shaped gadget you were assembling. It was a new type of spider suit that you were developing in your free time.

After you had to go back to your own reality, you decided to pay Peter’s grave a visit. You sat there for hours, telling him everything about your multiverse adventure with the other Peters. You were sure he was turning in his grave because of how cool this story was and how he didn’t get to be a part of it. Weeks passed by and it was time to move on with your normal life, but you just couldn’t. So, you decided to major in quantum physics and spent every waking hour on studying and theorizing about the multiverse. If magic could make interdimensional travel real, then sciency could too. And since your reality had a living Tony Stark, you actually caught his attention with some science work of yours that got published. You were so dedicated to your studies that in the few months you spent on your research, you managed to have a breakthrough big enough to change the course of the science field altogether. Your secret was that you actually did already travel into another dimension, you just had to figure out the math.

Tony was so impressed by your work and your genius that he actually offered you a job. You accepted, he had enough resources to fund your projects and actually help you with opening up a portal. And now you were stuck in the Avengers compound, developing a new spider suit. You took one of the old unfinished suits your Peter had, doing the final work on it. The suit used inflatable technology and you had to put the metal spider in the center of your chest and press it, after that the suit would just wrap around your body perfectly. It was mostly made of fabric, but it had a bulletproof shield that would activate if the built-in ai detected any kind of danger. It was lightweight so that it wouldn’t stop Spider-man from his acrobatic moves or slow him down in any way. Once you were done with the suit, it was game on. Why were you developing a spider suit? To send to Peter. With all of the Stark money, you were actually able to build a device that theoretically could open portals to other dimensions. After a few calculations were made, you thought you found the exact coordinates to the dimension you wanted to see. Since experimenting with animals and humans was cruel in your mind, you were just going to open a portal, throw the spider suit in and pray that you got the right Peter.

The device you developed looked like a bracelet. It was chunkier than you wanted it to but the parts were too big to make it look elegant. In reality it probably looked more like a smartwatch than a bracelet. You typed in the coordinates on the touchscreen and prayed that it would work. The device buzzed softly on your wrist, lasers coming out from the side and drew a circle next to you, opening a portal. You took a deep breath as you stared at the room that was in front of you. It was small, untidy, and looked nothing like Peter’s old room. Was that his dorm? Or his new apartment? Did you mix the coordinates up? There was no one there, just an empty room staring back at you. You looked around it, analyzing the scene in front. A pile of dirty clothes in the corner, flannels and sweaters. Looked like Peter’s style. A picture of May was on the desk, next to some bottles of web fluid. Bingo. It really looked like it was the place he was currently at. You took the metal spider that was sitting on the table and a sticky note.

“I’ll make it back to you. Have fun with this gift, can’t wait to hear back from you :) - Y\N”

You stuck the note to the metal spider and tossed it on the desk next to his web fluids without touching the portal. The suit seemed to have made it through with no problems. Good. Amazing even. One step closer to seeing him.

----

Peter tossed his backpack on the bed as he walked into his room. He took the flannel off too, throwing himself face first and hiding his face in the pillow. He was tired, so tired, and alone. Deciding to go to uni didn’t seem like the brightest idea now that he was alone and broke. Working, studying and being Spider-man on top of that, was draining all of his energy. He turned his head to the side, looking at the mess on the desk as something shiny caught his eye. He lifted his upper body up, looking closer at the thing. It had a note stuck to it. Did someone break in? He walked over to the desk, reading the note.

“I’ll make it back to you. Have fun with this gift, can’t wait to hear back from you :) -Y\N”

Underneath the note was the Spider-man logo made out of metal. He looked closer at it, turning it around, feeling the weight of it in his hands. What was that? He was confused, so confused. How did you even manage to send this thing to him? He put it on his chest, looking at himself in the mirror. The thing stuck to his chest and started glowing on the sides. He looked at it, pressing it gently with his finger. The spider suit that you made wrapped perfectly around him in the matter of seconds.

“Wooow.” he said as he looked at himself in the mirror.

The ai immediately turned on.

“Initiating “Welcome” protocol.” It spoke in his ear, playing a video on his built-in vr glasses.

It was a video of you that played.

“Hi Pete.” you said with a smile.

“Omg, Hi! Hey, how? ”

“Before you start trying to have a conversation with me, this is a prerecorded video. I can’t hear you.”

“Right.”

“So, if you’re seeing this, that means that this thing worked!” you showed your wrist to the camera, letting him see the device on it. “This is an interdimensional portal opener. I’m still working on the name. It’s in early testing, I’m not sure it’s safe to go through the portals it creates yet, that’s why I sent this suit as a test. It has a turn-on system that is supposed to alert me when the suit is working. If I get the signal, I’ll try to open up a new portal so we can try to talk. I’ll see you soon.”

The video ended, leaving Peter speechless. He was so amazed that you managed to do all of this, to create this suit and send it through the multiverse to him. You weren’t joking when you said you would find a way. He had never felt more in love with you than he did at this moment.

“Okay, let’s check this baby out while we wait then.”

“Initiating “test” protocol.”

---

The device on your wrist started buzzing, making you look at it. The image of the spider-man logo appeared on the screen, which meant that the suit was turned on. When the screen finally loaded, you could see Peter’s stats on the screen. You could monitor his heartbeat, his blood oxygen, his blood pressure. Everything seemed normal. You hooked the device to your laptop, getting a better view of the statistics you were getting. You could even log into the camera and see what he was seeing in real time. So it worked. You could see him swinging around the city.

“Oh Pete.” your vision getting blurry from the tears. You made it. Somehow you really managed to make it.

You picked your phone up, dialing Tony.

“It worked.” you sobbed as soon as you heard his voice on the other side.

“I’ll be right there.”

10 minutes later Tony walked in the lab, rushing to you. He looked at the screen, seeing that Peter was now sat on the edge of a tower, swinging his legs in the air. The two of you hugged in celebration.

“Did you try contacting him?”

“No, not yet, I think I’ll wait for him to get home.”

“Okay, but no sex on the first date!”

“I’m not going through the portal yet, I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“Good, have fun just talking.”

Not long after Tony left, Peter was back at his small messy apartment. You put in the coordinates again, waiting for him to turn the suit off before you opened the portal.

You finally saw him, standing in the middle of his room with the metal spider in his hand. He looked a bit startled when the portal opened up, smiling as he saw you standing on the other side. He walked up closer. All he wanted was to hug you.

“No, no, no, no, stop!” you said. He froze on the spot. “You can’t go through yet, I’m not sure it’s safe.”

“But… the suit?”

“The suit isn’t a living organism.”

“I’m willing to risk it.”

“I’m not. I’ll close the portal before you even try!”

“Okay then what is the point of opening it then?”

“I’m still running stability tests, here.” You tossed a second device for him. He caught it, looking at it before he put it on his wrist. “I’ll send the coordinates to my dimension in a few days to see if you can open a portal too.”

“Why not just test that now?”

“I said I’m still running tests Pete! Wait just a little longer!”

----

A few weeks later you were finally ready to actually go through the portal. You didn’t know if you should alert him first or just go for it and surprise him. The surprise sounded way better. You opened up a portal to his room. It was 2 pm, he wasn’t home yet. You went through the portal and closed it behind you, looking around his room. It was so odd to be there again, yet it made you so happy. You were smiling the whole time while you looked around. It felt a bit invasive, plus you hadn’t spoken to him the last few days, but you didn’t really have a plan here. You just wanted to be with him as soon as possible. You sat on the bed, checking the watch to see if he was using the suit. He wasn’t, which meant you had no way of tracking where he was or what he was doing. You didn’t really have to wait long, the door unlocked around 30 minutes later, a very tired Peter walking in the room. You smiled so wide it was actually hurting you. He tossed his backpack towards the bed, practically throwing it at you and knocking you back. Now it really did hurt, not only from the smiling.

“Ouch.” you said.

Peter finally looked at you, making two big steps towards you and taking the backpack off.

“I’m so sorry.”

You were laying on your back, looking at him.

“Surprise?” you said, getting up on your elbows.

He wasn’t really sure how to react to this, he wanted to hug you but laying on top of you was potentially going to crush you, so it wasn’t an option. He grabbed your hand and pulled you up on your feet, hugging you. It seemed like you weighed nothing to him, he did it so effortlessly. You hugged him back, trying to remember as much as you could from this moment.

“I can’t believe you’re finally here.”

“Me neither, all it took of me was to become one of the most respected physicists in the world and joining the Avengers.”

“I’m glad you did, I really am.”

You looked up at him, holding his face.

“Did you grow? You seem taller.”

“I don’t think I did.”

“Doesn’t matter.”

You got on your tiptoes and pulled him in, crashing your lips on his. He held your waist, pulling you closer. You opened your mouth, letting him slide his tongue in. You were running your hands all over his body, his chest, his arms, his back. He moved the two of you towards the bed, sitting down and pulling you on top of him. His hands moved to your but, squeezing it slightly.

“Maybe you should remind me about the first time this happened.” you mumbled against his lips.

He smiled, pressing a kiss on your forehead.

“Oh, I’ll make sure you remember this one!”