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#It’s also a trauma thing bc when u have nightmares and u don’t know if they’re real
campfire-collective · 2 years
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17. If you could tell someone questioning whether they have DID/OSDD one thing, what would it be?
Don’t rush.
take a deep breath out, write down a list of your hobbies/fun things/etc., and commit to spend at least as much time on them as you do thinking about your system.
I know the temptation when you’re questioning is to analyze every behavior and oscillate wildly about how you feel and I know it’s a roller coaster, I’ve ridden it.
But you have absolutely no rush or time limit. Don’t drop everything for this. Keep doing what you enjoy, and do your best not to fixate on the inside of your brain. You have your whole life to figure it out.
also if at all possible find a therapist ASAP
-emerald
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d3arapril · 8 months
Text
modern!abby headcanons
a sfw ver because i can’t get over the fact that abby isn’t real. Goodnight
⭐️ safe for all audiences. my inbox is open! any feedback, ideas or general chat is welcome <3
abby loves loving and she loves to be loved.
she loves her friends, her family and she loves you the most. she even thinks she loves the old, kind man that ran the small bookstore she’d been visiting since she was young
having lots of people around her is super important to her, she has a big heart and even though she looks like a lion she’s really just a little baby house cat that wants to make people happy <3
she’s a bit of a people pleaser sometimes. like she goes our of her way to do things for people even if she really doesn’t want to but she’s working on it 💪🏽
loves being around you but also loves time to herself to work out, read and drool on her pillow during a particularly deep sleep without being mocked by you every morning
ABBY SLEEPS LIKE A LOG. this bitch does not move during her sleep, like you could literally scream bloody murder and she’d barely flinch. she also sleeps on her front sometimes and has her face in the pillow ??? you often wonder if she’s even alive and breathing (she is) (she has little to no trauma and jerry is alive in my world so she doesn’t get nightmares etc. i want the best for her &lt;;3)
i think she’s very particular about looking after herself/keeping clean etc and it’s a super big thing for her. although she’s fairly masc presenting don’t be fooled, shes a lil girly girl deep deep down
her hair is long and healthy because she never uses heat and uses hair masks, she looks after her skin and uses the ordinary products (they work for her ok!), she exfoliates and shaves her legs frequently bc she feels like they look more muscular when they’re smooth and she enjoys feeling like a dolphin
she’s always got her hair in that damn braid and you try convince her to do other styles but she basically refuses
“you don’t like it?” she’s whining, faking it of course - she knows you like it. “no abs i love it, just wish you’d wear your hair down more. suits you”
“well that’s reserved for only you, babe” the soft kiss she presses to your temple and the brush of her hands against your hips makes you want to braid her hair forever until your fingers seize up
i feel like abby doesn’t have much of a dress sense lmao like girl just wears plain clothes and calls it a day. basically how she dresses in game but just less dirty and more kind of.. modern and put together. not the ugly brown boots tho ❌
she wears doc marten boots and adidas sambas. has 3 different pairs of sambas actually
prefers alcohol over drugs. she likes to get drunk in moderation and she can sink so much tequila (she blames manny and nora and says they are bad influences… abby is the one pouring the shots🙄) and she becomes a lot louder and clingy when she’s drunk and thinks she can dance. she can’t.
i kind of mentioned this in my nsfw hc’s but abby probably has an old like iphone 5c or something cos she doesn’t really care about upgrading it
girl hates video games so she probably isn’t big on tech in general. as long as she can call and text she doesn’t care too much
“you may as well just get a nokia, abby..” “what am i? a drug dealer? 🙄”
sticking to the theme, abby doesn’t really use social media that much. she refused to download tiktok because she didn’t want to fall into the trap of endless scrolling (she fell into said trap approx 20 minutes after downloading the app. now it’s “babe have you seen what i sent you yet?” every 10 minutes)
doesn’t care about/keep up with trends etc, confused when u ask her about the roman empire
“i mean, i’ve read about it? what kind of question is that??”
does have a burner instagram acc that she follows u and a few of her closest friends on (not mel)
also uses snapchat every so often to send u gym pics and u get excited thinking it’ll be a mirror pic of her flexing or something but instead it’s just an extreme close up of her sweaty ass red face with the caption ‘Help 🫠’
has an album in her photos called ‘Progress’ where she tracks her gains 🥰 its ur fav and u ask to look at the pics all the time 🥰 shes ur big muscly baby 🥰
abs can get a lil bit hot headed and irate sometimes so u argue every now and then but it’s never anything major, and she always buys u flowers and grovels until you’ve made up anyways
she usually just goes to the gym if she’s feeling some type of way and works out until she’s on the verge of passing out to make her feel better (you told her that she should deal with her anger better. she told you that she know’s what she’s doing…)
calls you babe but that’s kinda it, also likes to be called babe
likes to give u massages and run you a bath… and then gets in the bath with u and takes up basically all of the space
when u went on ur first holiday together she had to use the sicky bag on the plane bc of her fear of heights :(
she’s getting better now tho, just squeezes her eyes shut and holds your hand until the bones almost break… she then falls asleep for basically the entire flight and drools onto her neck pillow lol
refuses to watch anything but american dad at bedtime bc she really enjoys it for some reason
she looks after you with all she has and would go to the end of the earth for you if she could. there’s no one else like her
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mystic-insightss · 9 months
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Oooo hey gravity falls fan!
Do you have any headcanons about any characters? I would love to know!
i am in fact a gravity falls fan!! i don’t have much art for them up on here but i do have a good few drawings on my instagram!
i made a headcanons note maybe a year ago that i never actually shared anywhere, so here’s that :)
stanley pines
- aromantic
- pronouns: he/him
- hates french people (is it a joke? we don’t know)
- has periodic nightmares
- has adhd
- prefers dogs
- atheist. bc of the trauma
- very dangerous driver. in addition to breaking like every law ever he has horrible tunnel vision. very bad at paying attention to his surroundings and often spaces out on the most insignificant objects and ends up almost crashing (or actually crashing)
- like mabel, he used to always lose to stanford in logic based games like checkers and chess. unlike mabel, he always beat stanford at ping pong and feels very happy for himself for it. (part of this is because stanford’s motor skills as a child/teenager were awful.)
stanford pines
- gay asexual
- pronouns: he/him
- has periodic nightmares
- is autistic
- played piano as a child
- struggled with self-harm as a teenager
- forgets basic life functions (e.g. sleeping and eating)
- prefers cats
- ngl ford gives asthma vibes LMAO like my man has horrible lungs
- nervous breakdowns. fiddleford calms him down by taking ford’s wrists in his hands
- agnostic only because the idea of punching god in the face gives him catharsis. still celebrates jewish holidays with stan & the kids
- even worse driver than stan. somehow. every bit of unexpressed anger he has gets expressed when he drives. wants every other car on the road to drop off the face of the earth. unhinged man that then turns around and says “what. i’m not a bad driver.” during the portal years fiddleford demands control of the car during trips.
- yeah he gets bullied as a kid for his fingers but he also gets bullied for EVERY autistic trait/symptom/display he has. it’s true he told me so
fiddleford mcgucket (1982)
- biromantic heterosexual* (see footnote. please.)
- pronouns: any
- likes to grow plants - idea credit to the fic ‘not one to forget’ on ao3! read it if u haven’t, you will have no regrets
- prefers neither dogs nor cats, likes other random animals better (cough. raccoons. cough)
- has to remind stanford to perform his basic life functions
- my mcgucket backupsmore headcanon is that he was shooting for a scholarship (or something similar to what stanford was going for) for a slightly less prestigious school than WCT and then when he showed his project to the scout people and it like blew up and hit one of them in the face and so needless to say they did not accept him
- he hates being called stupid more than anything
- he has anxiety. and yes that’s also pre-and-during-portal-years. the guy is nervous about everything. he nervous stims. chews his nails pulls at his hair shaking hands and legs the whole deal
- he doesn’t really talk about it either. he marinates. he marinates and ford developed a sense for it
- raised christian, really not that into it. has more important things to do
mabel pines
- sexuality: pansexual, or omnisexual. haven’t made up my mind yet but she’s definitely mspec!
- pronouns: she/her
- is she cis or trans?? who knows i can’t decide
- absolutely was into loom bracelets when they were popular
- also silly bandz
- 5’8” when she’s grown up. dipper is 5’7”.
- she collects squishmallows and/or beanie babies. they all have names. they take up half of her bed.
i have like nothing for dipper besides the classic transhet headcanon & him being shorter than mabel 😭 mystery trio phase hit me real hard ok
* don’t use this post for discourse. “bUt ThE SpLiT aTtRaCtIOn mOdEL iS onLy FoR aSpEc PeOpLe” too bad. i’m aroace and i say it’s *fine* who *cares*
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menalez · 3 months
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I hate the way you are being treated for experiencing trauma and sexual abuse, no survivor deserves this including you. I acknowledge you have incredible grace in dealing with this but more importantly you shouldn’t have to, it’s not right to put a survivor in this situation and constantly triggering their trauma no matter what you think about them. I have had similar experiences with CSA and ongoing SA after and I can’t imagine how I would deal with being picked apart like you have been. I don’t care what grievances these people have with you, if they actually supported survivors they wouldn’t react in this way to you (also I fully believe you about your experiences and about your sexuality if that isn’t clear). It sickens me to see people saying they fight for women’s rights treat you like this. If we can’t support our fellow women what’s the point? I know not all women have the same opinions and politics but it’s seems very basic to me to not harass a survivor of these things. The least they could do is shut up and leave you alone. I honestly don’t know how you can deal with this, I know if it was directed at me I would’ve either fallen deeper into CPTSD or gone offline entirely or both. I am glad you have the strength to continue though bc I think your perspective on many issues is difficult to find and deeply important to hear. I guess I don’t know what I mean with this message other than thank you for what you do and please do not let these awful people take you back into that horrible place that I think all survivors know. Your voice is so important and I hope to continue hearing it, you make change being outspoken. I know we can’t control being triggered and sometimes can’t regulate our responses but I hope that you can block these people and be as unbothered as is possible. Other survivors see you, I see you, I know we are in some ways the same and these people clearly cannot conceive of being in our position
it’s not right to put a survivor in this situation and constantly triggering their trauma no matter what you think about them.
i keep saying this but it just falls on deaf ears!
in terms of how i deal with this… ive said this before & was mocked for it but this has triggered my PTSD several times. i almost always end up having nightmares for weeks afterwards, more flashbacks, and perhaps a mental breakdown or two followed by a long period of dissociation. when i brought up how deeply hurtful it is and how much it triggers me, i end up getting mocked & accused of guilt tripping.
so basically, i’m not allowed to respond to assumptions made about my trauma bc it’s traumadumping. i’m not allowed to talk about the negative impact being harassed over my trauma by these ppl has bc it’s guilt tripping. they have the right to say vile things like saying i’m a “retired ho” (for having a trauma response like hypersexuality as a child and being sexually abused????) and saying that me reacting in a common way CSA victims react to rape a decade ago makes me bipolar or histrionic (love being called a hysterical slut for having a normal reaction to facing rape as my first sexual experience) but i have no right to correct these assumptions at all. it always ends up with several of them harassing me on & off anon, and other people just silently watching. once these ppl leave like they always inevitably do, then radblr starts talking about how horrible these ppl are & often will even harass me over these ppl’s presence as well! idk. it’s a constant lose-lose for me.
anyways… thank u for ur sweet msg ❤️ many other CSA survivours & rape survivours have reached out to me and told me that me talking about my story made them feel less crazy/alone bc they also have a similar story. many are lesbians who face an additional trauma & disgust & shame bc they see how trauma similar to their own is misconstrued & talked about. i’m glad at least that from this persistent harassment i’ve been experiencing for like 5 years now, women with similar stories reached out to me. it made me feel less alone and more understood. i try not to let all this stuff affect me & have been taking breaks online and/or talking to my gf whenever it does take a toll on me. it doesn’t fix it but it helps. some of it is unavoidable bc no matter how many anons i block, i keep getting msgs about it regardless and new blogs keep being made to discuss it
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honeyypotato · 2 years
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The Girl in the Woods, Chapter 13: Family
Here's the link to the rest of the chapters!
Word count: 3,269
Content warnings for this chapter: Mentions of experimentation on children, nightmares, y/n has childhood trauma
AN:
I have a headcanon that Porco is a bad singer, but he really loves to sing. Everyone knows, so they just put up with it bc he's so happy singing why would u shut him up?
This chapter was a lil heavy but the next one's gonna be fun >:3
(Also, I'm gonna start putting content warnings on my chapters going forward, because there's gonna be smut and other things that probably need specific warnings, so watch out for those pls!)
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Two years had passed. You had gone into countless battles with the Marleyans, taking down entire cities and leaving nothing but destruction in your wake. You and Reiner were a strong team; you usually ended up hanging around him in battle, and the other Warriors had grown to think of you like family. 
Your nightmares hadn’t gotten any better, but you had used some money you had to gift Pieck earplugs for her to wear at night, which she was grateful to accept.
Except tonight was different. You were back in that odd, starry desert, bare feet sinking into the sand. Suddenly, you saw the figure of a young girl in the distance. You run towards her, hoping to ask her where you were. Instead, when you reach her, your surroundings change. The two of you are standing on the side of a main road leading out of Liberio. She says nothing, but points down the road into the countryside. Is that where my home is? Your eyes widen and you take off, running down the road. Your lungs begin to burn and your legs ache but you don’t stop until you see the little girl again, pointing in a different direction. You follow her finger, and run to the next girl. And the next, and the next. Until, you’re following her finger to a half-crumbled house–you wake up, covered in sweat.
You sit up, eyes round. You move and realize you've transformed into your titan form in your sleep. Something shifts next to your bed and you turn your head to the side to see Pieck, Reiner, Porco, and Zeke staring at you.
“I’ve never had a dream like that before.” You’re stunned. Reiner stares into your wide, red eyes and then moves to sit on the bed, taking your hand in his.
“Tell us about it.”
When you finish talking, your friends are looking at you like you’re a little crazy. Everyone except Zeke. “You remember where your childhood home was?” It was half a question and half a statement.
You nod at him.
“We have tomorrow off. We should go.” Zeke was dead set on going more than the rest of you, for some reason.
—------------------------------------------------
“Wait, do any of us know how to drive?” Pieck’s voice stops the rest of you in your tracks as you head towards the car the Commander had let you borrow.
“Uh, she has a point…” Porco gulped, eyes darting from you, to Reiner, to Zeke, and back. “Unless Miss. y/n has any more tricks up her sleeve she’d like to share with the rest of us?” He smirks at you.
“Porco, we’ve been over this. Paradis doesn’t have cars.” You roll your eyes.
“I can drive.” Zeke says quietly. “Now get in before Commander Magath changes his mind.”
The five of you had convinced him that you needed to get out of the city for at least a few hours, and he finally caved, agreeing that some fresh air would calm you all down. And Pieck definitely didn’t threaten to turn into the Cart Titan and watch him sleep through his window.
You pile into the vehicle and Zeke starts the engine. It had been so long since you had been in a car, and you rolled the window down to stick your head out a little. According to your dream, and some maps Zeke had grabbed, your house was about a two hour drive from the city. Porco and Pieck begin to sing a song they had heard on the radio, and pretty soon the whole car, even Zeke, had joined in. The five of you were on your third repeat of an old sea shanty when you suddenly gasp. 
You had spotted your home. 
“That one.” You voice cuts through Porco, who’s still singing.
Reiner notices how pale your face is and, finding your hand with his, gives it a squeeze. Zeke parks the car and you all get out, tiptoeing around the rubble. You run inside, with Reiner at your back. 
“Y/n!” He hisses, grabbing your arm. “You can’t just run in!”
“There’s obviously no one here–” You start.
“We’ve been on countless missions and you aren’t even thinking about mines or traps!” Reiner’s terrified, and you get it, but this was your home.
“Reiner, I spent 5 years of my life in this place, and my father probably lived here longer. Do you think we lived among booby traps?” You hear Porco snicker and you roll your eyes, knowing his mind came up with an immature joke.
You turn around and walk inside as if in a trance, looking around slowly. The parts of your house that hadn’t been destroyed were exactly the same as you left it.
“It looks like no one’s been here since my father and I left. Everything is in the same place.” You say quietly.
You walk upstairs; thankfully the stairs were still mostly intact. Your bedroom was on the second floor and Reiner has to crouch a little to fit through the doorway. 
Tears form in your eyes, but you’re silent as they run down your face. You wipe your eyes with the back of your hand when the bookshelf across from your bed catches your eye and you remember the dream. You grab the left side and give it a tug, and a hollow click echoes through the silent room as you rotate the bookshelf like a door, stepping inside. The hidden room looks like Zeke’s lab in the research building on the base; sterile-white tiles and walls with fluorescent lights, a metal table at one end next to a chair with restraints too small for any adult you knew. At the other end of the room, a shelf filled with dusty books sat in a corner, and a rather oddly lavish armchair with a small table was angled next to it. 
You quickly crossed the room to the bookshelf. “Zeke, help me with these. What do these mean?” You called him over, you knew he had laboratory experience and some of the book titles were foreign to you.
You hand him a folder filled with papers, and he opens it when his face turns pale. “These are medical records, y/n.”
“Whose?” You peer around his shoulder as he flips through maybe a dozen or so files with pictures of different children, containing their lab results and test scores. Until he lands on the last one. 
“Y/n…is this you?” He shoves the folder at you with shaky hands. 
The young girl in the photograph matches every physical description of you. The shape of your eyes, the angle of your eyebrows, your nose, the tilt of your chin. You look older, sure. But there’s no mistake that it’s you.
“It says…I was born at the Liberio University Hospital.” You’re confused; your father told you your mother decided to give birth to you at home and she passed during labor. 
“They don’t let Eldians in there, y/n.” Reiner’s voice was soft. 
“Then why am I like this?” You whisper back at him. You sit down in the fancy chair in the corner and your friends gather around you as you flip through your folder, handing Zeke any papers with lab results for him to dissect. You find a birth certificate, and the first name matches yours.
“The man who you believed to be your father was a Marleyan scientist, Franz Schuerer. He was removed from the University 20 years ago for disobeying orders to cease his research on the effects of titan spinal fluid in Marleyans. If I had to guess, he never actually stopped his research, he just moved out here to do it in secret.” Zeke is piecing things together a little faster than the rest of you. 
“There are notes on the back of my medical chart.” You’re having a hard time believing what you’re reading, and the handwriting is really messy, which isn’t helping. You begin to read the notes out loud. 
“Y/n. Most successful subject to date. My theories about the completely pure spinal fluid of the first Founding Titan having the ability to alter the genetics of a non-Eldian seem to be true. Regrettably, she was rejected by the Marleyan military for her inability to change in size. Seems these men can’t look forward into a world where titans are no longer our biggest threat…” You trail off.
“There’s more, isn’t there?” Reiner asks softly.
“Yes.” You clear your throat and continue reading.
“...I was instructed to bring her to Paradis or face death. Despite her inability to fully transform, they’re still afraid of her, but I’ve trained her well. She may just survive–and the people there are kind. Maybe someone will take her into their home. I think the higher-ups will have my head anyway, for what I’ve done. All the children I experimented on were stolen from their parents after birth in the University Hospital–I knew no one would want to hand their child over for something like this. At first, my success rate was low. The first four children died immediately after injection. The fifth presented a normal Eldian reaction–that one may have had forged documents. The sixth was unwell from the start and didn’t make it past age 3. Seven and eight died a month after the injection. Nine was a fluke, dead in one week. Ten and eleven were also successful, but their bodies were weak, and they only lasted until around age ten. Y/n is the twelfth, stronger than any other child I’ve raised. I’ve spent so many years perfecting this technique, and although I don’t believe there’s any more pure spinal fluid from the Founding Titan, I’ll note the conditions here if someone were to find these documents:
The dosage is precisely 300mg of spinal fluid, and it must be injected between the second and third vertebra in the neck. 
The spinal fluid must be from the very first Founding Titan. There probably isn’t any more in existence.
The child must be in between their fifth and sixth week after birth. 
The child must be of pure Marleyan descent.
I hope this information will someday save the world.”
You look up at Reiner. 
“We should burn everything here.”
There was a long pause.
“What?! This is cutting edge information!” Zeke was looking at you like you were crazy.
“Zeke–” He cuts you off.
“This could change the tide of the war! Marley would be unstoppable, even against titans! Look at you, he created the perfect soldier!”
“I-I’m really not.” Your voice is weak.
“Give me one reason why you aren’t.” He glares down at you, and you stand from the chair.
“I’ll give you multiple, Zeke!” You’re getting frustrated. How could he want this to happen to more people?
“Go for it!” He says angrily. Reiner shifts forward, ready to jump in front of you in case Zeke decides to throw some punches.
You step towards him.  
“I’m in pain! I’m in pain every second of the day. It feels like I’m burning alive. And when I transform, it feels like my skin is being torn off. My arms bleed day and night; they never fully heal. I don’t get a protective shell like the rest of you when you become titans. The bones in my body change! The only time I feel remotely normal is when I’m transformed, and then everything hurts just a little less. I’m starting to feel like I’m meant to stay that way and never turn back!” You didn’t realize you’d started sobbing. “I can hear and see twice as well as a normal person! I haven’t had a single uninterrupted night of sleep!” You take a shaky breath.
“What you see on the battlefield, and what I am, are two very, very different things, Zeke. And I, for one, never want another person to feel how I do every day. And what if other countries find this? Do you want to have continuous war where countries send drugged children who are constantly in pain off to die?! Is that the world you want to live in?! Because I sure as hell don’t!” You glare at him, a look of shock plastered across his face.
“Why didn’t you tell us you were in pain, y/n?” Reiner moved in front of you to place his hands on your arms, staring into your eyes. 
“Quite honestly, I didn’t realize something might’ve been off until that night where you and Porco were arguing and I told you to shut up. You looked at me like I had two heads, and then I remembered the walls are thick concrete. No one else could hear you.” You sigh, staring at the ground.
Reiner stares at you for a moment. “Y/n’s right, we should burn everything here.”
“I agree.” Porco chimes in. He had been staring at the glassware in one of the cabinets that lined the wall, but he had turned his head and was glaring at Zeke out of the corner of his eye, his back facing the others. “I don’t want a thousand y/n’s attacking me the next time we invade a city, one is bad enough to deal with.” He smirks at you and you shake your head in both exasperation and amusement.
“On top of that, how would the Marleyans react if they heard they were basically the same as Eldians?” Pieck’s point shakes Zeke out of his trance and he deflates, knowing what she’s trying to say.
“Yeah, alright, I’ll admit it, you guys are right. It’s amazing what he did, but it’s not going to help our situation at all.” Zeke sighed. He was hoping to keep the information a secret within Marley, but once Pieck spoke about how the Marleyans would most likely react he knew she was right. It would only fuel their hatred of the Eldians and their families.
“We should do this quickly, before anyone finds us here. If anyone else knows about this we’re screwed.” Reiner hears the urgency in your voice and starts to build a fire. 
“Do you want your birth certificate, y/n?” Pieck is holding it. “You should bring it to Commander Magath and get that armband off.”
“I guess I’ll take it.” 
You fold the paper and put it in your pocket. Reiner had lit a small fire, and you dump the rest of the papers in your folder on the flames. Zeke and Porco begin throwing the books in the shelves onto the fire as well, and soon it was more of a bonfire. You stare at it, flames just barely touching the ceiling, when a hand slides into yours.
“Let’s go home, y/n.” Reiner’s voice was gentle in your ear. You nod, following him into your bedroom and down the stairs out of the house. The two of you turn back to see the entire upstairs of the house begin to ignite.
Satisfied that every last bit of information would be turned to ash, you climb in the car. No one spoke on the drive home. 
Back in your room, you had taken your birth certificate out of your pocket and were staring at it.
“You know your last name now, y/n. Do you want to find your parents?” You look up at the source of the voice to find Pieck standing in the doorway.
“Honestly, I don’t know. I think they may be better off believing I’m gone, than seeing what I am now.”
You pause.
“I’m gonna go show this to Commander Magath.” You say, but you don’t move.
“I can come with you, or I can grab Reiner if you want and he’ll definitely go with you.” She smiles at you.
“Thanks, Pieck, but I think this is something I’ve gotta do alone.” You flash a smile back and stand up, walking to where she was standing and giving her a soft hug. “You’re a really great friend, you know that? I’m glad to have you around.”
She hugs you back tightly. “I feel the same about you, y/n. I believe in you.” Her words instill some confidence in you that you thought you had lost when you figured out what had been done to you, and you walk into Commander Magath’s office proudly.
“Y/n. What’s the occasion?” He looks up from his paperwork.
“This is my birth certificate.” You falter for a second as he glares up at you. “I was born at the University hospital here, in Liberio. My parents brought me out of the country to raise me. I’m Marleyan.” You exhale, trying to calm your nerves.
The Commander takes the paper from you and studies it for what felt like forever.
“Well, y/n, this is either the best forgery I’ve ever seen or you’re truly a Marleyan. I’m gonna go with the latter, seeing as I know how awful your handwriting is.” He stands, walking around his desk to your left arm, and tears the armband in two.
“I never thought I would see this happen in my lifetime, kid. But you’re different, so good job, I guess. I’m too tired to wonder how the hell you got your powers as a Marleyan, so you got lucky by bringing this to me today. You’re not out of your contract with the military, though.” He wags a finger at you.
“Sir, even if I was allowed to walk off this base, I wouldn’t. My family is here now.” You smile at him.
He almost smiled back.
That night, you, Pieck, Reiner, and Porco sat in the room you and Pieck shared while you filled the other two in on what exactly your life had been like before you ran into Reiner, Bertholdt, and Ymir. 
“Shit, y/n. Why didn’t you want to tell us sooner? It’s been 3 years since you arrived in Marley.” Porco was looking at you with probably the softest expression you’d seen on his face since you met.
“Honestly, I was fine with people thinking I was just some random girl. But I want people to know that Marleyans are doing terrible things to even their own people. That scientist, Franz, was also Marleyan, and so were the ones who threw me out of the country.” You sigh. “We’re all just people, Porco. You guys are my family now, no matter what.”
Porco gives you an odd look and covers your hand with his. “We’re with you to the end, y/n. We’ve got each other’s backs.” 
You smile at him, knowing he meant what he said. Pieck crawls forward to give you a hug, and you laugh when Porco joins in, accidentally knocking you over. As you all lay there, you extend a hand to Reiner, who looked a little put out. 
“C’mon, big guy, join the hug!” He takes your hand a little reluctantly but you pull him in with some force. Eventually, he wraps his arms around you and Pieck, and you feel him chuckle softly in your ear.
You all slowly untangle yourselves from the group hug and let the two men go off to bed. Before he leaves, Porco turns to you.
“Hey, y/n?”
“What’s up?”
“I’m sorry…for being an asshole to you when you first arrived. You’re cool.” He blushes a little.
You put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, you’re cool too. It’s fair; you didn’t know me at all.” He smiles down at you and you flash one back at him. “Have a good night, Porco.”
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luckylightningbolts · 3 years
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eri and shinsou are siblings in the aizawa household and you can't tell me otherwise
anyway, it took eri a Hot Minute to warm up to shinsou bc. yknow. trauma™️. but once she was comfortable around him, she became the clingy child that she never got a chance to be. eri is almost like a cat; the minute shinsou sits down anywhere, she's at his side and snuggling into him
sometimes she'll ask to sleep with him due to nightmares and she stays glued to him all night
shinsou "i'm not here to make friends" hitoshi, not really used to being touched, let alone receiving physical affection, is Softened by her and she helps get him accustomed to the concept of others being in his personal space and being touchy
which is really helpful once kaminari fucking denki comes along
kaminari is handsy. like really fucking handsy. not just in relation to people, though. he's always playing with something or drawing senseless doodles because it gives him something to do and he needs the stimulation
when it comes to his friends, he is a slut for physical attention. he'll put his head on their shoulders, hold their hands, put his arm around their shoulders, give them constant hugs, etc. when his friends allow him to do this, it makes him feel validated/accepted
so u can imagine the euphoria when a certain purple haired motherfucker, who has already caught the attention of kami, transfers into class A and doesn't shrug him off whenever he does any of the above gestures. kami, being the bi disaster that he is, unconsciously does those things more often w shinsou without realizing it and then tells an obvious lie: "nO, i don't LiKE shinsou-- i MEAN i LIKE him but it's not like i liKe him in a GaY waY"
shinsou (having grown fond of kami by this point) is tired of noticing the way his classmates look at the two of them whenever they're even in the vicinity of each other. he also notices that kami, similar to eri, is glued to him any time he's able to be (guys is it gay to cuddle ur homie)
shinsou asks him out and kami is so shocked (haha get it) that he deadass short circuits, but obviously says yes once he isn't 👍👁👄👁👍
kami gets to go to his house sometimes and becomes bffs with eri bc let's face it, he would totally be bffs with eri
but now he has competition!!!!
mom said it's my turn on the shinsou
now, since neither one knows how to not be affectionate, shinsou has two (metaphorical) cats by him at all times whenever he's home
it's not uncommon to see the three of them passed out on the living room couch with shinsou laying on his back and eri and kami on either side of him
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anxious2dsimp · 3 years
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General Dating Headcanons | Sero, Todoroki & Bakugou
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾。・:*:・゚★。*✧・゚:˚۰˚☽˚。・:
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‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾。・:*:・゚★。*✧・゚:˚۰˚☽˚。・:
Pairings: Sero x Reader, Todoroki x Reader, Bakugou x Reader
Reader: Gender Neutral!
Format: Headcanons​
Warnings: Cursing bc Bakugou 🙄 (as if I wasn’t the one who picked him lmao)
Request: :))) hellooooo :D hmmmm may i get general dating headcanons for sero, todoroki, and [insert your favorite character]? 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖 @smexy-goose
‧͙⁺˚*・༓☾。・:*:・゚★。*✧・゚:˚۰˚☽˚。・:
Hi again!! Omg yes, I’ll gladly write some hcs for the best bois! I had a hard time picking a fave, but since I have written for Kami and Kiri in the last request I decided to go with blasty boy❤️ (Also, I’m trying a new way to post requests, I hope it works!)
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Sero Hanta
I feel like Sero is genuinely so fun to date, just like he said in that one dorm episode, he’s always the wild card.
He’s a goofball, so he adores making you laugh and smile as much as he can. I love him omg😭
Will definitely take advantage of his height (he’s among the taller ones in the class) and give you surprise hugs from behind and rest his head on yours.
He’ll also use his quirk on you for everything from pranks to just randomly pulling you to him to give you a quick peck or a hug :’)
He’s pretty standard with PDA, so he won’t go around making out with you in public but he will do little gestures like those <3
In private I feel like he’s definitely cuddly, he’s just so happy to be with you!
He loves having you over at his room to just chill or be in each other’s presence, even if you’re doing stuff individually.
Speaking of, the bakusquad definitely complains about you having privilege in using the hammock in Hanta’s room. 
Denki will whine like; “why does y/n always get to use the hammock? You said it was out of bounds!”
“That’s on pretty privilege, sorry! And you’re just jealous you don’t have a cool s/o like mine,” Sero will say and poke his tongue out from the hammock where you’re swinging togehter :’) 
I’m warning you now, if you had a healthy sleep schedule before going out with him, you can kiss it goodbye.
Sero will absolutely be up till like 3 am sending you memes and tiktoks that remind him of you.
And with him blowing up your phone you’ll most likely end up talking into ungodly hours of the night, the *sleep deprivation* only causing funnier conversations.
Those will end up becoming inside jokes that he’ll bring up to make you laugh while the rest of the class is like ???
That also results in some weird ass nicknames sorry not sorry
So he’ll sometimes call you regular stuff like babe and other times... he’ll call you things like “Bert” (FOR NO REASON??) or “Candied Blood Pumping Organ” instead of sweetheart lmao
Overall you two are just THE chaotic couple (and if you’re not generally that way he will bring out that side of you)
Pranking your classmates? Pranking each other? Random ass adventures? Trying weird food together? Dancing in the kitchen at midnight while sharing late night snacks? By going out with him you said yes to all of the above.
From sneaking out of the dorms for late night food runs to occasionally skipping class to go to the arcade or the beach, you usually can’t go a week without doing something fun togehter.
This one time you two were out with the Bakusquad and y’all stopped by a supermarket to get food. 
So you had to ask Bakugou to buy you something bc you and Sero had to stay outside and just hand him the money.
He was like “tf?? why? Just buy your shit yourselves!” You had to explain you two were banned from the store because Hanta had accidentally crashed a cart he was driving you around in into a display of cereal boxes.
Ah yes, good times.
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Todoroki Shoto
I feel like he’ll definitely need a small push when it comes to relationships bc of his past, but once you’re with him he’ll care deeply about you and will try to make you as happy as you make him :’)
I’m begging you, please give this boy some luv and affection!! For the most part you’d probably initiate PDA because he’s too nervous to do it himself
At the beginning he wouldn’t even be comfy cuddling, solely because he’d be afraid of hurting you somehow :(
But once you’ve reassured him he complies, and from then on out you just have to open your arms and he’ll instantly know it’s *cuddle time*
It’a one of his favorite pastimes bc he just feels so safe and loved <3 he also just loves the feeling of you playing with his hair
Luckily you get to do it year round since you cuddle his hot side in the winter and cold side during the summer
I feel like he’s secretly insecure, so the fact that you trust him and love him for who he is makes him feel like he could melt <3
Because of that you’re the only one he truly opens up to and shows his real feelings to, not to mention the only one who can touch his scar
And though he isn’t great with words, one look at him during one of these personal moments when its just you two, and you can just see it in his eyes.
Especially if you kiss his scar, his eyes might even get teary this sweet boy I 😭
That’s also probably why he shares his precious cold soba with you
Since you’ve been together, Shoto has just been so much happier, so his siblings and mother LOVE you.
They’re constantly inviting you over for dinner when Endevour is working (bc he’s a huge buzzkill to say the least), and his mom adores when you come with Shoto to visit her :)
Todoroki really enjoys seeing you get along with the people he cares the most about...
 BUT what he hates is THE EMBARRASING STORIES HIS FAMILY TELLS YOU OMG (you live for them, but I wouldn’t tell him that if I were you)
“Fuyumi remember when Shoto-” “Natsuo, no💙“ your bf will say as he unconsciously squeezes your hand, both of the siblings laughing at Shoto’s glare.
You had to hold in your laughter so hard omg
Though he isn’t that talkative, you guys definitely have that kind of relationship where you two could be silent and still feel completely comfortable (oh I’m so jealous of that but nvm)
He’s definitely observant, so expect the most considerate gifts and the most assertive observations, he’ll always know what you need.
The type of observant that gives you a water bottle before you even notice you’re thristy during training, or switches sides while walking so you loop your arm with his on his warm side when you’re cold.
Also the type to gift you that one thing you really wanted but mentioned once like months ago along with your favorite snacks/drink (you best believe he has them all memorized bc he’s just that attentive)
Over all, just a really soothing relationship were you can be comfortable with each other and feel at home when you’re together.
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Bakugou Katsuki
Ok so, I feel like you’d be a competitive couple, turning anything into a competition in an endearingly annoying way.
You’re definitely the type of couple to go to laser tag, an escape room, an arcade, etc, as dates >:) but the competitions don’t end there:
Who can plan the best date? Who can make the other blush first? Who can get the other the better gift? Who’s the better kisser? Who gets the higher score in class? Or wins at sparring?
Especially when it comes to productive stuff like training or academics, although he won’t admit it, he’s just pushing you to be your best because he knows how amazing you are :’)
All the bakusquad knows about your shenanigans and at this point they’ve learnt to stay out of it & go get the Advil just in case bless their souls lmao
I’m sorry but he definitely calls you nicknames that purposely piss you off (with no ill intentions ofc), like “gremlin”, “dumbass” or “booger”
I suggest you also call him stuff like that back, like “angry pom” or “blasty” to get on his nerves >:)
You guys also definitely friendly bicker all the time, knowing that you take it lightly (though strangers won’t, resulting in some hilariously awkward situations)
“You’re such a fucking idiot,” he’ll say rolling his eyes as he messes up your hair.
Just watch his smirk dissapears when you reply, “no, u❤️″ It gets on his nerves, I just know it.
So he’ll chase you around as you call each other random stuff. While the other people at the convenience store are just like  👁👄👁
He never means it tho, keep in mind if you’re dating the self proclaimed future no. 1 hero he thinks highly of you :)
So he’d definitely be protective while simultaneously showing you off <3
Will always greet you with a kiss and keep his hand on your back or waist so ppl know you’re with him
RIP anyone who tries to hurt or flirt with you, I say try bc Bakugou will be exploding them even before they get the chance😅
Denki’s definitely almost gotten his brows blown off his face bc of that lol
Speaking of, the bakusquad still can’t get over the fact that THE lord explosion murder has a soft spot for you,
You mean you take care of his injuries, scold him when he burns himself out, touch his hair, and hug him when his moody... and you DON’T get cussed out and blown up? Shooketh
However they don’t see what happens behind closed doors, & how you’ve helped him with all the trauma he has experienced
You’re the only one who he is vulnerable with, you’ve seen him cry and he tells you about his nightmares and fears
You do the same with him, and you promise each other to get through anything together, which you’ve done so far :’)
Bc of that his parents love you, and his mom’s always going on about how she’s so glad you “stand” his son😂
Why can’t he be real ughhh
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wistfulrat · 3 years
Note
Good evening! Do you know any good enemies with benefits drarry fics? Thank you
hi anon! Y E S i love the enemies with bennys trope especially when it’s not just pure hate sex but like...reluctant confidant who im gonna engage purely out of spite?? frenemies to lovers if u will. they’re both getting something (sex, verbal sparring partner, emotional punching bag, wound healer) from the other while still having major unresolved feelings of resentment until the inevitable breaking point where they must Adress Things. anyway here’s a short list :)
Harry Potter Gives a Shit by @talithan - 58k, M
“Where are you headed?” “No place special,” Draco fumbled, and flushed further. But then: “I can change that,” said Harry Potter.
a remorseful draco who develops feelings after hooking up with an extremely messy and shitty harry who is dealing with his anger, hurt, abandonment issues, general trauma, etc. in the most selfish and reckless way possible. harry’s truly the Worst in this. his family (ginny, granger, weasleys) are written really well bc they 1) unconditionally love him but 2) are extremely done with his shit. on the other hand, draco will take what he can get bc he wants to be loved, cares a lot about harry, and knows he’s being mistreated but can’t bring himself to leave. they’re angsty fuck buddies for a while until inevitably, harry starts to fall in love with the draco everyone else has already accepted as a friend. u will read this and need to take several naps after but it’s worth it. mostly because it’s refreshing to read a version of harry that isn’t heroic or morally rigid but very sad and says things like “you make me want to let you take care of me” ....p a i n
Kiss The Joy (Until the Sunrise) by @icmezzo - 37k, M
The Room of Requirement was severely damaged in the war, but not so much that it could not provide for one lost student and another young hero—especially when they needed each other most of all.
it’s set immediately after the battle. they both want to hide but they’re met with the one person who will absolutely not let them rest. they hate each other. there’s hexing and shouting and sneering. but their resentment doesn’t stop them from benefiting from the other’s presence. the sentient room somehow provides an escape but also an opportunity for absolution. they talk even though they’ve nothing kind to say at first. they tend each other’s wounds even though they haven’t quite quenched their mutual bloodlust. it’s sleep-deprived, nightmare-haunted, hungry, lonely boys who grow to see that the other has what they need.
Strangeness and Charm by @drarrytrash - 45k, M
One November night during his eighth year at Hogwarts, Draco ends up in the forbidden forest. That’s how it starts.
or: If two boys fall in love in a magical forest, does it still make a sound?
one of my all time favorite fics in general (and feels complementary to Kiss The Joy). it’s the surreality of insomnia, a sentient mysterious forest, a chance to talk about things plainly in the twilight zone where they can pretend they don’t hate each other in real life. it’s an atmospheric dream of a fic that’s asking two very angry boys to suspend their disbelief and consider: what would it be like if you weren’t awful to each other? (also them reading twenty thousand leagues under the sea, a book where jules verne writes about the ocean as if she were sentient, the embodiment of love and emotion?? as the forbidden forest herself orchestrates harry and draco’s love story?? shutUP intertextuality) — anyway i would die for this fic it’s perfect
IDK My BFF Hermione? by @letteredlettered - 19k, E
"Because you're common too, aren't you." Malfoy seemed insistent; it was not a question. "You're just as disgusting and vulgar as I am."
"Yes."
"We were never any different, were we."
"No," Harry said, and kissed him.
—Draco's a hot mess. Harry's lovin' it (hell yes).—
all the war kids were robbed of their childhoods so this is their delayed rebellious phase (bc revolting against the government, although metal af, doesn’t count). ur gonna try and tell harry that he Shouldn’t lust after draco’s eyeliner? hmm good luck bitch. it’s lots and lots of steamy hate sex and general recklessness but also humanizing conversations about the longing to be good, free, desirable, wanted, forgiven, respected, seen but not hypervisible, left alone but not lonely. what begins as “im using u for pleasure bc i was denied this since birth” becomes “u make me feel like im not wrong for wanting things that make me happy” —because why write pure smut when u can write weepy philosophical smut😌
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kinnie-moment · 3 years
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SoKi hcs because they are criminally underrated idc
These mfs have so much trauma LOL
Kids always paranoid about becoming a kishin like Asura
Also has nightmares about being kidnapped…… that could not have been a fun experience. I’m sure he wakes up practically trembling. 
And Soul is of course still torn up over the black blood and the little demon
#bestievibesonly 😍😍
Soul feels. So inferior to Kid. LIKE HES A MF DEATH GOD HE DID SERIOUS DAMAGE ON THE KISHIN and Soul thinks he’s just some guy
But Kid always notices and knows exactly what to say to Soul. He has a very proper and elegant way of speaking, and that translates into compliments
But when it comes to them getting together!! Its a funny story i will pretend its cannon
It was a school dance. Soul found himself on the balcony as usual, but this time it was Kid who came out to greet him and ask if he was okay
He figured Soul would be dancing with Maka since they came to the dance together, but after speaking to Soul for a minute or to he suddenly realized it wasn’t like that
Eventually, he got Soul to spill that he wanted to dance with someone, he just didn’t think they’d say yes
“I think you should ask them, Soul. Surely they’ll accept it if you approach it properly.”
“Okay pretty boy, wanna dance with me?”
Yeah Kid nearly fell backwards of the balcony 
So much?? Just happened???? Being asked to dance??? BEING CALLED PRETTY BOY??????????
He suddenly realizes he forgot to respond so he quickly mutters a small “y-yes.” and Soul thinks it's hilarious.
Kid gets flustered very easily but we’ll come back to that later
Anyways they dance and!!!!! Turns out Liz set the whole thing up and basically told soul that kid liked him LMFAOSKB
As for general relationship hcs:
Kid calls Soul the sweet and tender pet names like “love” and “dear”
But also stuff like fruitcake and dumbass. Lovingly, of course
Oh my god they probably call each other the f slur bye
Soul calls him stuff like “pretty boy” and “kiddo” and Kid rolls his eyes and pretends like he hates it
One time Soul called him some dumb shit like “alive the offspring” and got slapped in the face. He doesn't regret it tho because Kid’s small giggle was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. He’s down bad yall.
Kid gets flustered. So incredibly easily. And it's super obvious bc mf is so PALE
Soul could whisper something slightly outta pocket and Kid is bright red in a second
Its very funny everyone teases him for it <33333
Tfw ur literally a death god but can't handle holding ur bfs hand
However, Soul can get just as flustered. He's only slightly better at hiding it
Kid has definitely shot Soul in the balls before. Just bc he was being obnoxious 
“If you damage anything down there it’s a loss on your part, remember that.”
Soul gets an extra shot in the face for that one
Very chill relationship. They really don't need to constantly drown each other in affection, sometimes just sitting in silence together is enough
Just stuff they'd do even if they weren't together, like sneaking out to the basketball court late at night
“If I win I get to move all the furniture off center” “If I win you shut the fuck up”
I know i said they don't have an incredibly over the top relationship, but there is a lot of reassurance needed with these two
Soul has like,,, the insecure jealousy. He knows his bf is like the hottest guy ever. He knows his bf possesses an immense power and a high status. It seems ridiculous that he’d settle for a guy like soul
But he did. And Kid doesn’t regret it, no matter what Soul thinks
God im just jumping around w these but… onto pda and physical affection!
At first, Kid isn’t big on physical affection. He’s never really gotten it before so he’s like ????? what even is that
He discovers how nice it can be one day when he’s beginning to spiral. Instead of trying to talk to Kid, Soul just gently pulled him closer and rubbed small circles into his back until he had calmed down and Kid was like. oh. oh okay.
So needless to say, he’s very big on affection now. When Soul hugs him he doesn't feel like a god anymore. He doesn’t feel the stress of living up to his father. He can just sink into the feeling of security. 
Soul loves to give Kid hugs from behind. Just to flex that he’s taller. Even tho its only by 1 inch
He talks mad shit for a mf that's literally 5’3
LMAO ANYWAYS
They both give me the vibes of….. clingy when sleepy. Kid practically clings to Soul when he’s asleep, and if Soul attempts to get up Kid will just whine and pull him back while he’s in this half asleep state
He’ll never admit to it though.
Soul loves to watch Kid fight. He's just so graceful with each move and it's incredibly badass.
Kid loves to wear Soul’s hoodies around the house. Again, he’s only 1 inch shorter but Soul wears looser clothes so it definitely fits a bit big on him
Soul loves when Kid plays with his hair
Kid loves it to, but at the same time he’s so insecure about his hair he usually prefers to forget about it completely 
But if he's had a hard day is he really gonna say no when Soul offers to hold him and rub his hair????? No absolutely not
Who the fuck would say no to that
Ugh i love them
Pov homosexuality 
Oooo u wanna be my friend and talk to me about them so bad ooooooo kid kinnies wanna give me validation so bad ooo
Also im only doing self promo bc there’s no SoKi content out there but!!! I have tons of SoKi content on my ao3 (kinnie_moment) and i’m slowly uploading them to my wattpad (kinnie_moment_asf) so feel free to check those out if u want more content!! I love these two sm i doubt i’ll stop writing them anytime soon
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bookaboutabook · 3 years
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dress by ts= rowaelin
this might be long but i thought of it and it has to be done :)
“our secret moments in your crowded room they've got no idea about me and you”
okay so literally in QoS they communicate basically entirely in silence, like they’re the only people in a crowded room, especially at arobynn’s party they are basically flirting without anyone knowing because at the time things are basically all platonic to everyone else. no one knows that they’re growing feelings or having secret conversations. 
“there is an indentation in the shape of you made your mark on me, a golden tattoo”
this is EoS and KoA energy-- the claiming marks, and the tattoos that rowan gives aelin. ALSO the choice of the color golden screams rowaelin because as we know thats the nightgowns color and i feel like it comes up a lot when describing aelin-- golden eyes, hair etc.
“all of this silence and patience, pining in anticipation my hands are shaking from holding back from you all of this silence and patience, pining and desperately waiting my hands are shaking from holding back from all this ”
QoS is almost entirely sexual tension so i think this is very self explanatory. they were both holding back the way they felt about each other when they both clearly wanted something more. this gives me vibes of rowan needing to cool down from aelin’s presence and taking forever to fall asleep with her so near yet so far away.  
“say my name and everything just stops i don't want you like a best friend”
um please so several points-- 1.) rowan is the first person that starts calling celaena by her real name, aelin ( if i remember correctly i don’t think he really ever calls her celeana?? only aelin and she gets mad, but i may be wrong bc it has been a while since i’ve read HoF) he makes her comfortable with her real identity and helped her come to terms with who she was and her name. 2.) fireheart. that’s it. it’s who she was to her family and its who she is now to rowan. ALSO “i don’t want you like a best friend” their relationship goes from basically entirely platonic in HoF to something more in the late books. in QoS, it took them forever to get together bc they had to break through the past definition of their relationship which was strictly friends, carranam, and fighting partners. but they obviously wanted more, and started feeling more comfortable with their past trauma and relationship baggage to face that. 
“only bought this dress so you could take it off take it off  carve your name into my bedpost 'cause I don't want you like a best friend only bought this dress so you could take it off”
ALRIGHT HERES THE KICKER. so this is obviously referring to the golden nightgown that rowan requests. i KNOW that he technically doesn't even take it off her and they don’t go there but she literally only bought it for him bc he said he would love that color. in conclusion it still counts and the sexual tension was there so.
“inescapable, I'm not even gonna try and if I get burned, at least we were electrified”
SO i feel like they both know that they are inevitable and i think it kinda ties into the idea of the mating bond being something that you can’t break or avoid. they subconsciously knew that being apart would not work. AND we have a reference to aelin’s fire... she might burn too brightly, but at least she burned.
“i'm spilling wine in the bathtub, you kiss my face and we're both drunk everyone thinks that they know us, but they know nothing about”
HAHA we have a little reference to aelin bathing rowan and washing his hair in that one scene. tbh this doesn’t really fit that well but it’s not too out of place-- i also may not be thinking of anything bc i havent re read them in a while. anyways, we also have another moment where rowan and aelin are kind of keeping what is blooming between them a secret from the rest of aelin’s court.
“flashback when you met me your buzzcut and my hair bleached”
their haircuts at the beginning of QoS... rowan cut his long ass hair and aelin had to dye her hair red to go undercover and not get caught... WHY DOES IT WORK SO WELL I--
“even in my worst times, you could see the best of me”
in HoF aelin was at the lowest point of her life. even though he was closed off was dealing with his own baggage, he saw the power aelin held. the light that had been snuffed out inside of her. he pushed her because he knew what she was capable of. and i forgot who said this, but rowan was never afraid of aelin the way chaol was. he saw every part of her and loved all of it. 
“flashback to my mistakes my rebounds, my earthquakes”
rebounds??? *cough cough* CHAOL AND DORIAN *cough* okay but for real these weren’t really mistakes but she had made plenty of other mistakes around that time. he helped set her on a better and clearer path. and i guess we could technically consider chaol a rebound...
“even in my worst lies, you saw the truth of me”
her keeping the mating bond from him? her keeping so many of her plans a secret? her pretending she’s okay and KoA and him seeing right through her? yea <3
“and I woke up just in time now I wake up by your side”
I think around nehemias death she was kind of in a trance where she felt like nothing mattered and her life was useless (the whole “i do not care” scene where she was lashing out is a good example), but he helped her out of that. she has that one quote that im gonna paraphrase about how he held her hand and walked back into the light with her. He essentially woke her up from the nightmare she was living and now she wakes up next to him. this literally also happens in HoF because he starts letting her sleep in his bed, which was a huge step in the right direction for their relationship. he started seeing her as a friend and he literally falls asleep with his hand over her heart bye. 
“my one and only, my lifeline”
mates are truly each others one and only and i think it’s beautiful that she says “lifeline” because that’s literally what it is to them. they are stronger together and even the forces of their existence are tied together <3
anyways if you read this whole thing thank u lol i just had to get that out:)
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mallowstep · 3 years
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Leaving Misty for the quest would have been such a huge thing for Feathertail in this au. I don't think it really hit me until now how out of her comfort zone she went to help the clans! If she had a panic attack, or a ptsd flashback during the quest, would any of the other chosen cats know how to help her? Would they even be able to?
yeah oh my god it's such a big deal i'm breaking here's an excerpt for you:
"Are you going to be okay?" Feathertail looks at him, narrowing her eyes. "You know. Leaving." Feathertail isn't good with strangers. Feathertail isn't good without Mistyfoot and Stonefur and her kits. Feathertail isn't good without a den and nest to retreat to. "I've been through worse." Stormheart sighs. Been through is one word for it.
like yeah!!! oh my god it's so hard for her to leave!! (also stormheart u should put urself on the damn list she loves u too u idiot <3)
but that's also. why stormheart goes with her. bc frankly at this point in time, she is not in shape to go on a journey with a bunch of strangers and tawnypelt, even if nothing actively went wrong, the whole thing is just a breeding ground for panic attacks and unhealthy coping mechanisms and just -- feathertail shutting down.
so stormheart goes with her.
but it's seriously out of her comfort zone. it's really, really hard. she's at the point where like if something goes wrong her only way of feeling safe again isn't to find mistyfoot, but she's still at the point where it's her massively preferred option.
not to mention -- she doesn't have a real nest, which is (a) bad for her physically and (b) bad for her mentally, there's limited food options, and then tawnypelt gets hurt -- the whole thing is just a long series of triggers.
of course there's just the fact that tawnypelt is there, but like -- okay first, you all know she's there so there's no point in bringing it up, and second, the fact that anyone got hurt is bad (re. feathertail's mental health specifically, not just in general), but also for tawnypelt in specific to get hurt is bad.
anyway. stormheart goes with her, and feathertail trusts him, and that works, but he's also...he doesn't always think things through. the reason tawnypelt and feathertail get in their first argument is in part because stormheart leaves brambleclaw with them to go hunting with crowpaw and squirrelpaw.
because he trusts brambleclaw and feathertail isn't the type to argue about this sort of thing. definitely not in front of tawnypelt.
so. when feathertail has a panic attack, flashback, nightmare, etc., he's good for that.
"You're okay," Stormheart says. She presses her face against him, and he licks the top of her head. "You're okay," he repeats, and she whimpers, the sound muffled by Stormheart's pelt.
good brother stormheart. i'm angry at you for not including urself in the list of things-that-feathertail-likes-to-have-to-feel-safe, but alas, at this point in time, you don't.
but he doesn't say, avoid leaving feathertail alone with brambleclaw and tawnypelt until after that whole situation plays out.
Brambleclaw goes hunting the next night. Tawnypelt knows it's because Stormheart hasn't left Feathertail's side, but it's hard not to believe that it's also because he doesn't want to be around her.
but then he does.
the others -- well. tawnypelt would literally make everything worse. she is making everything worse just by being on the same trip as feathertail. she's -- still trying to figure out how to deal with and cope with this. i moved the quest up by like a year just to make sure everyone's trauma was still fresh.
"And then I held you down when he tore off your claw. I remember, Feathertail," because how do you forget that? How do you forget seeing your father press the paw of a whimpering — apprentice, kit, press the paw of Feather into the ground, and bite off her claw? How do you forget the sound and how your claws dug into her chest and how she didn't stop screaming? Tawnypelt watched, because she thinks it's the only time Mistyfoot ever even tried to leave.
like yeah -- how the fuck do you deal with that?
brambleclaw doesn't inherently make things worse, but if feathertail is already in a bad state, he's definitely not going to help, and he's probably going to make matters worse. also, he's tawnypelt's brother, and that colours matters, tigerstar resemblances aside.
crowpaw is probably feathertail's best bet -- he's one of the first kits to be born in windclan after a genocide. not the first, but one of them. there's...nightcloud before him? i'd have to check stuff and i'm lazy, but he's one of them. and his mother lost a litter to genocide and hunger, and his mother's sister lost a kit directly to tigerstar, so he has the best understanding of ptsd, i think.
or perhaps, of how to best approach situations? and he looks like frogpaw, which is...helpful? kind of? a little?
She stands, watching him cautiously. Crowpaw sits back. She reminds him of Morningflower, he realizes. Morningflower hasn't done this since Crowpaw was a young kit, and he remembers how helpless he felt at the time. "We fell asleep," he says. "We made camp, and we fell asleep. The others probably went hunting." "They left," Feathertail says. "Right." "And if you want to find them, we can do that." Feathertail closes her eyes. When she opens them, her blue eye is focused. "We can wait," she says. "I'm sure they'll be back soon."
he's -- got the right idea. and he does actively help in this situation. like he correctly identifies what's going on, and he doesn't know what the right thing to do is, but he tries. and he helps.
now. part of why this happens is because stormheart is gone because again, stormheart is kind of an idiot who doesn't always think things through. (it's not his fault tbf that feathertail and mistyfoot don't talk about things ever. so. this one is less, "stormheart being an idiot" and more "he has no way of knowing that leaving feathertail to wake up alone is a bad idea.")
but crowpaw has probably the best skill set.
(as for squirrelpaw -- not to leave her out, but she's young, kind of tactless, and feathertail feels like she needs to protect her. so she's not really going to help a situation.)
uh. in summary: this au doesn't have crow/feather, but ig it does have crowpaw helping feathertail through some times platonically?
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pekuliar · 4 years
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it’s been a while since I last did any art so I tried my hand at redesigning katniss’s hair throughout the trilogy — basically this stems from my not getting to do anything as head costumer of this year’s college musical 😭
Essentially, this is how I’d design the movie’s wigs to be a little more realistic in showing the passage of time. They’re less “pretty” for sure but I’m a sucker for realistic hair (see: Natasha’s shitty grown-out blonde dye job in Endgame, Daenarys’s battle-worn braid with strands just falling out of it, Elizabeth Swann’s grimy hair and gradual tan).
Natural cut/colour:
Not much to say about this other than that Katniss has dark hair, and it’s probably going to lie limp and flat without the luxury of styling products
It would probably also be shorter, juuust long enough to braid
Styled in the Capitol:
It is my personal belief that all tributes get an ANTM-style “makeover” in the Capitol. What, the Capitol waxes all their hair and erases their scars, but doesn’t give them fresh trims/perms/deep conditioning/new dye jobs??? C’mon they’d totally try and “Barbie-fy” Katniss.
So here I have her with hair extensions, a curly perm and a dye job. Just because it would “bring out her olive skin”, but also she’d look so uncomfortable in the sudden So-Cal glam makeover and that would play out rly interestingly
I didn’t exactly know what to do with her hair for the interview, so this is sort of a rough approximation. It looks very 18th century, but then again that perfectly fits with the decadence and frivolity of the Capitol.
(This can apply for both the 74th and 75th btw.)
The Games
Katniss’s hair would start lightly styled into a braid — I made it a fishtail here instead of her usual 3-strand, just to juxtapose how she’s been “prettied” up for the cameras with what’s actually about to happen to her. She’s been glammed up to get murdered.
And of course we see the payoff of that completely delusional notion — her hair goes limp in the heat/humidity/sweat/grease, strands fall out everywhere, and she’s covered in dirt and grime. The hair extensions are falling out and becoming just dead weight. She’s dying of dehydration and no longer the capitol’s District 12 Barbie. I made the dirt more greenish just because she’d probably come into contact with a lot of moss and rotting tree matter here.
Side note, I HATE it when female characters in fight scenes have ponytails/braids/updos, and they fall/are knocked down, and suddenly their entire mass of hair is just out in the next scene. Like damn u got punched so hard it just vaporised ur ponytail band huh.
District 13
With no more stylists and styling products, Katniss’s Barbie Doll dye-job grows out. It’s ugly and uneven. The extensions come out, and her hair is cut once into her original utilitarian shoulder-length cut. I’d imagine the D13 citizens are allowed one haircut a year, to save resources/time.
The half-n-half hair is ugly. It’s a far cry from the camera-ready Capitol cover girl she was made to be all this time. It’s also a scar/brand on her now — the good food, spacious apartment, favourable treatment, & gorgeous gowns have been stripped away. All she has is her tiny family and the scars from the Games — nightmares, panic attacks, trauma, and a shitty haircut.
Final Battle
By the time Katniss and Johanna finished training to join the D13 military (bc yes, it happened and I wish the films showed how Long she was down in 13), her hair is grown out a little more. Still ugly and disjointed, but there’s a little more of herself than there was.
I didn’t want to draw yet another braid, so the idea is that when she joins the fight she has a small low bun instead. The rebels have been fighting in the Capitol for so long that she probably hasn’t had time to really do a nice braid.
The bun gets strands pulled out left and right. She also has soot and burns from the urban combat environment. Lots of explosions, lots of dusty rubble.
Happy (?) Ending
Time has passed. Katniss has spent her years rebuilding her life. Her natural hair grows back, 100% herself. No capitol styling, no explosive burns.
She never, ever does her “signature braid” again. It was the weight thumping against her neck when the gamemakers tried to burn her alive at age 16. It was the heavy thing plastered to her shoulder, wet with seawater, as jabberjays screamed at her with her sister’s voice. She can’t do it anymore.
So instead she goes back to 2 braids. Loose, flowing, easy for her kids to tuck daisies into. The same braids she wore when Peeta first saw her. They could represent a subconscious longing for the childhood she never truly had, or a final and complete departure from the arena, once and for all. We don’t truly know.
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send-allmyloving · 4 years
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Could you write some Akutagawa Ryunosuke fluff? Like what being his girlfriend would be like?
Of course!
Akutagawa relationship headcanon 
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- To be honest, the only way you’d ever be able to truly interact with him is if you were in the mafia, so let’s say you were in the mafia!
- You took on the secretary position in the mafia hierarchy, so you often saw off Akutagawa on missions and met with him for briefings.
- Babie Aku here would never voice it, but he honestly thought you were the prettiest thing he’d ever seen!
- The first time he saw you, he stuttered. That’s right folks, the great Akutagawa Ryunosuke stuttered!!
- Eventually after frequent meetings with you over the span of a few months, Aku mustered up the courage to ask you to go out with him <3
- It went a little something like this:
“Akutagawa-san... why aren’t you saying anything?”
“.......Uh”
“Are you sick? You look really pale right now--”
“IWANTYOUTOGOOUTWITHME”
“...”
“...”
“What”
- anyways hes a dumbass but hes gonna be the best boy 4 u owo
- This poor boy literally doesn’t know what he’s doing
- He’s never experienced romantic attraction until now, so as you can expect he’s having an internal battle on who the hell he’s supposed to ask
- Eventually he settles on Chuuya, the master of being suave lmao
- With his help, he at least sort of has a clue on wtf to do when he’s with you
- The first couple months of dating he was struggling really hard to at least display some physical form of affection
- When you saw him nervously shaking while gripping your hand you had to reassure him that he didn’t have to force himself to be so touchy
- And that’s when Aku realized how much you meant to him; you genuinely cared about him and wanted him to feel comfortable when with you, you didn’t force him to do something he didn’t want
- For the time being he just wanted to hold pinkies with you, nothing more
- But let’s be honest, this boy is literally touchstarved, at that point he just wasn’t used to the idea of physical affection
- So eventually he decided that he was okay with you touching him
- It sort of started with him shuffling over to sit next to you while you were on your phone, and he just suddenly put his chin on your shoulder and started pouting at you
“...Aku? What’s up sweetie?”
“Pats. Now.”
- Literally deadpanned that part LMAO
- He loves loves LOVES when you pat his head or pet his hair
- He likes lying on your lap while you play with his hair, it’s really soothing
- Also loves back rubs uwu
- Likes forehead kissies too, his eyes light up when u do that so pls always give him a forehead kissy thank u
- He’s really scared of baths so you have to be understanding with him on that part
- You have to call Chuuya to help him clean himself bc he’s just not ready to be that vulnerable around you
- But maybe 5-6 months into the relationship he starts letting his guard down around you and building up his trust with you (being his gf requires patience, he has a lot of trauma)
- You’ll encourage him to start to relax when he’s in the bath while you clean him
- He especially likes when you’re scrubbing his back or putting shampoo in his hair because it’s like when you’re giving him back rubs or hair pets
- He’s like a puppy tbh
- At this point he’s definitely okay with hand holding
- That’s sort of like his go-to when comforting you
- If you’re feeling sad or crying he’ll just hold both of your hands while his thumbs rub the back of your hands until you feel better <333
- When he’s feeling sad he tends to hide mask his emotions with his tsundere vibe and you have to talk to him about not bottling up his emotions bc that’s his bad habit >:((
- When he cries it’s heartbreaking, but not to worry bc a back rub and a kiss on the head does wonders to make him feel better!!
- You tell him it’s okay to share his insecurities with you bc love requires trust!
- He’ll start warming up to that idea slowly, and he’ll start getting used to venting to you
- Maybe a year or so into your relationship he finally gets used to full on cuddling and kisses
- NO PDA though, he absolutely hates PDA, he doesn’t like looking vulnerable to others.
- When you’re out on a date, the most you’ll get is holding hands, and if you’re lucky a peck on the cheek
- Speaking of dates, he likes going to places with fewer people, such as the theater, private karaoke rooms, and small cafes. By the way, he’s surprisingly good at singing when you go on a karaoke date, and he’s always up for doing some stupid songs if it means it’ll make you smile <3
- When you’re alone together he likes giving you back hugs
- Sleepy babie Aku waking up to you preparing breakfast and giving u a sleepy backhug in his pajamas :(((
- He likes letting you lay on him while you guys are relaxing on the couch, playing with your hair and occasionally giving you a kiss on the head, talking about whatever you want
- Sometimes if he’s in a good mood he’ll cup your cheeks and give you a kiss on the forehead and nose, grin, and walk away and you just smile bc hes the most adorable thing in this fucking universe
- You lead the kisses bc he’s not used to that stuff, and you make sure to be really gentle bc this guy has been hurt way too many times, he’s rlly scared
- The best way to ease him into a kiss is by running your fingers through his hair and massaging his scalp, and he’ll easily lean into your touch
- Pepper his face with some little kisses and slowly, slowly guide his lips to yours
- Kissing and makeout seshes are really soft, those are intimate times where you pour out your love and trust for each other
- Loves having you on his lap while kissing, he gets to hold you close to him and he feels stronger with you in his arms, he feels like he’s protecting you and that way he doesn’t feel so bad when you’re always caring for him
- He also loves laying side by side with you when cuddling; he loves being cradled in your arms while you look lovingly into his eyes and stroke his cheek and hair before pressing a little kiss to his nose followed by a really soft “I love you”
- That’s when he smiles softly and buries his face into your neck bc he’s so so in love with you im actually crying help me pls
- When you sleep, he is the little spoon. No I do not take constructive criticism
- Sing him a lullaby, press a goodnight kiss to his neck and wrap your arms around him and he is off to dreamland
- I’m pretty sure he has nightmares often, so when you wake up to him shaking in a panic the best thing to do is gently touch his hair so you don’t scare him
- If you touch his hair he’ll know it’s you, that’s his comfort spot
- Hugs you so tight when he sees you’re there with him
- Back rubs and soft words of comfort will stop him from trembling and crying so much from his nightmares, he’ll be so familiar with your touch at this point that it’s like you’re his safe haven (you are)
- He’ll fall back asleep with his face buried in your chest and your hands stroking through his hair bc he feels really safe that way
- If anyone tries to hurt you he would literally kill them, no one and i mean no one hurts his lover and gets away with it
- Super protective of you when it comes to Port Mafia things
- He can’t bear to lose you, you mean the world to him
- He might not express it often verbally, but he really loves and cares for you
- Being his girlfriend is a delicate task and you have to really care for him, but boy is it worth it bc his love for you is so strong
thx for reading! i think this was pretty long but aku’s character has a lot of struggles and self-doubt, so it would be hard for him to ease into a romantic relationship so easily. Hope this was to your liking!!
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traumatizeddfox · 2 years
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Borderliner here again! Glad if I could help even a little bit.
DBT was specifically developed for BPD if I remember correctly but I know we used CBT in the clinic too. It's funny bc although the clinic was equally as bad as it was good and it helped me and revealed a lot about me to myself. So although I'm not typical borderline bc I act in instead of out, I know for sure I'm quiet borderline.
Nonetheless every therapist I've went to introductory sessions with since then has immediately said I've been misdiagnosed after like 10 seconds of talking to me 🙃 either that or you just never even get to be added to the wait list bc they don't wanna treat you
But that's why we gotta all support each other!!
Anyway. I decided to go for a therapy trial with a trauma therapist that I was lucky enough to get (after lots of panicking over the multiple phone calls it took, and panic now about rescheduling and shit). So that starts in February. And we're starting out with secondary trauma bc my parents passed down their trauma to be (they're genocide refugees, and I have been back to the country and stayed there a lot in post-war times) and it has in the past caused almost psychotic states. I'm afraid it might trigger even worse panic over my parents bc they already make me feel unsafe (they're a big reason I have been self harming for 15 years now - and when I went to them during a full day break down/panic attack and told them I need help they just stared at me blankly. I could literally only shake and cry and think about how I'm about to kill myself without any control over myself all day and they literally told me "just finish the next 4 weeks of school and then we can all go on vacation" - and in my dreams my parents have tried to feed me to dinosaurs bc that's how it has to be, they've been he reason my cat almost died and got his leg ripped off, they watched my face get eaten alive by giant worms and told me it was my own fault (again all dreams) ). I still live with my parents. I'm still mostly submissive to them and I'm afraid.
But also I cant not do therapy bc I'm so fucking tired. No meds stop my nightmares. I dream of rape, war, violence, killing, running for my life, wounds, break downs, sobbing, my house being broken into, being shot at, fires all around, kids being abused in different ways, like every single night. It's just as torturous as being awake and I'm really trying to not use my secret stash for suicide plans so like I need this therapy
But... I'm so fucking terrified
In the bpd clinic I broke down and almost faint and developed migraines and had half my body go numb and useless - just when I was trying to stay present and acknowledge there was a problem. The therapist there had me bawling my eyes out bc he was like "say something good about yourself" and I legit couldn't. I had daily migraines for months. I actually have a job I like now (still in training tbh but it's with animals so it's really nice) but I'm so afraid I'm about to lose everything. It feels like I could get further if I got back into my bad regulating habits.
I'm trying so hard to do things right. I really am. But my mind and body betray me all the time and I'm so so scared
It's like no matter what I do there's no rest, no help, nothing right and good
I'm so sorry this turned into my whining lmao but uh yeah :(
I recently discovered your blog and I love it. I resonate with the rage and the dog teeth :D wanna get into vent art too eventually. If I can handle the emotion that is lol
i am so sorry to hear this angel 💔 i really hope life turns around for you & i hope the new therapist helps u! it sucks when you don’t feel validated. and tysm! vent art has helped me so much
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autistic--cryptid · 3 years
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INFODUMP ABOUT UNDERTALE TO ME RIGHT NOW :O /POS
(about Anything At All idc if its rambly bullet points or anything pls im begging u this is lichrally my special interest cmon pleaseee /lh)
OKOK I WILL!!! /pos
cant put this under the cut on mobile so here’s your warning that this will b a very long post!!
random chara hearcanons + ramblings bc CHARA MY BELOVED!!!
i might be projecting but i hc that chara has depression and ptsd! we know they hated people bc of what asriel says during the epilogue, “I know why Chara climbed the mountain. It wasn't for a very happy reason. Frisk. I'll be honest with you. Chara hated humanity.” and i think they hate humanity so much bc of some trauma other people caused. chara is angry and upset, and probably starts to hate humanity more once they learn about all of the pain humans have caused monsters. they aren’t evil or mean, they’re traumatized and hate people because they’ve been hurt so many times
i like to think that chara is so close with asriel in part bc he was one of the first people they felt like they could fully trust. asriel was with them through everything, saved them, gave them a home, etc. i think chara loved him so much in part bc asriel was there for them when everyone else had hurt them
i think chara erases the world at the end of the genocide run because of frisk’s actions in that run and not bc they themselves are cruel. chara is smart, they know that a frisk who would kill all monsters would likely be interested in destroying things alongside chara. the way i see it, chara is angry. they had to watch frisk kill their friends and family, the monsters who took them in and protected them after they had been hurt so bad by humans. chara watched them hurt asriel after he cried and begged for them not to hurt him. they watched frisk reset over and over at every save point, trying to hard to kill everyone and everything and not stopping even when they themselves are struck down. and they don’t have a body anymore so they couldn’t do anything to stop it. genocide run frisk shows what chara hates in humanity: mercilessness and cruelity for the sake of cruelity. they want to get revenge on frisk and stop them from hurting alphys and the monsters who hid and escaped. they want to stop frisk from hurting people beyond the barrier. chara constantly says “just finish the job” throughout the run because they’re exhausted and can’t stand watching frisk hurt these monsters anymore, they just want everything to end. the reason they only come out at the end is fear, in part, and the fact that watching asriel be killed despite his cries and begs was the last thing they could take. when they say “it’s me, chara!” in the mirror in toriel’s home rather than “it’s you” i like to think it’s for a similar reason that sans says “pretend to be a human” to frisk, and for the same reason that some theorize he would make fake blood at the end of the battle with him. chara wants frisk to see another person, hoping maybe they’ll find some goodness and humanity. just like some theorize that sans would use ketchup as fake blood to make frisk see that they’re hurting people like themselves as well, chara wants frisk to see that frisk is human to remind them of any good humanity they might have. they aren’t evil and they aren’t seeing themselves in frisk’s actions, they’re trying to stop frisk from hurting everyone and trying to get revenge on frisk for the pain they’ve caused. the reason why you get a photo with chara and everyone’s faces crossed out or a chara nightmare when you finish a pacifist run after a genocide run is chara reminding frisk of the pain they caused and showing them that the atrocities they committed aren’t something they can just erase and move on from. chara just wants monsters to be happy and to be ok and they hate that once again a human has taken that happiness away from monsters, but they know a reset won’t stop frisk because they will just start over, so if they erase the world and take frisk’s soul for frisk to get it back they can hope that without that soul and determination frisk can’t reset anymore and thus no more genocide run, even though that ultimately isn’t the case. chara just wants to help monsters and they’re angry at her another human for hurting them
asriel says in the epilogue that chara wanted to hurt the humans in the village when they attacked asriel and them, but once again it’s not bc chara is evil or violent, it’s bc they were traumatized by humans and and this is like a fight response to those triggers, and also bc they wanted to protect asriel!!!
chara’s plan to collect 7 human souls as talked about in the tape was for the good of monsters, not so they could hurt humans. they wanted monsters to go free and to live a normal life with their monster family. when they say “our plan had failed, hadn’t it?” in the genocide run they’re referring to their goal of freeing and saving monsters, not like, killing the people that asriel wouldn’t fight. chara wanted to save monsters and to break the barrier, they didn’t want their soul to fuse with asriel because they knew that meant their soul couldn’t be one of the 7 to free monsters. when frisk killed the monsters in the genocide route it meant that monsters weren’t free or safe, their plan with asriel to free monsters from the underground and save them from the prison humans put them in had failed because once again a human had taken everything from them
on a lighter note, pacifist run chara narrates and translates for frisk! chara and frisk likely come from the same village seeing as they’re both able to just go up the mountain and see what’s there, so they probably know the same form of sign language. frisk is mute and signs things to chara, who translates over the phone for them. they also describe everything around frisk since they’ve lived there before and know what everything is while frisk doesn’t know. when they don’t know what to say, they describe stuff! they probably aren’t sure what to make of the mettaton fight since they’ve never seen mettaton ex before, so they say “smells like mettaton”. they don’t know about the amalgamates so they say “smells like sweet lemons” during your fight with lemon bread
the mummy wrappings in the red soul coffin were for chara. asriel removed them from their coffin and carried them off to the village before those supplies could’ve been used. when he brought chara back in after they were attacked, toriel took them out to the flower bed in the ruins where they initially landed to give them a propel burial, and then chose to live in the ruins specifically to take care of chara. chara is buried under the flowers right at the start of the ruins which is why asriel refuses to leave in the epilogue and says “someone has to take care of these flowers.” it’s also in part why toriel is so sad and lonely, being in the ruins and visiting her child daily makes her remember the pain she felt losing chara and asriel and it makes her extra worried about losing frisk and the other humans. through visiting chara like this, both asriel and toriel can see them and talk to them even though they’re mostly gone
asriel and chara were the ones who left those echo flower messages about wishes. chara was the one who laughed and said “it’s just funny, that’s my wish too”
just like kris, chara also had little red horns. chara didn’t like that they were human since they hated humans, but loved monsters and wished they were one. asriel made them little paper horns to be more monster-like, and eventually toriel sewed them an pair and put it on a headband so they could stay on their head
not really a headcanon or theory, just a note. there’s lots of similarities between kris and chara: red eyes, knives, portrayed as “strange”, likes to scare other people (kris hiding under noelle’s bed and putting ketchup on their arms to scare her, and chara doing their creepy face to asriel in the tape—they likely did it before cause asriel had to have known what it was so there’s nothing saying they only do it when asked by asriel), a bit secluded and like to be alone (toriel is no longer upset with kris when she finds out they didn’t answer her calls bc they were with a friend, chara is only ever shown or talked about in relation to asriel or their parents), both kind of get rid of their soul in some way (kris removes their soul and chara like died to give their soul to the monsters), both have similar outfits (although kris looks more like frisk in their face and hair), very close to their asriel, both like monsters, both have mostly obscured eyes until the ending of the game, etc.
chara can only verbally talk to frisk, but they can talk through the phone, similar to how asriel spoke to frisk on the phone at the end of the true lab even though he didn’t have his soul back then and was still a flower, and similar to how you can understand the memory head amalgamate when you use your phone. frisk is one of the few people who can hear their voice irl
chara can verbally talk with mettaton, mew mew, and nabstablook since they were all once ghosts/are ghosts. mettaton sometimes helps chara to speak and to appear to crowds bc they can use his microphones to speak since that’s technology and chara can use his advice to show their own incorporeal form more clearly. chara and nabstablook get along very well as shy ghosts who are best friends with their family
chara and frisk become best friends in pacifist runs :3 frisk returns the the underground sometimes to talk to asriel and lets chara speak to him while they visit through their phone, and eventually chara convinces asriel to come back with them and to live with them again (yes i know this isn’t possible in canon shhhhhhh)
chara is autistic and has adhd. they also have chronic pain and use a cane as a result of their chronic pain and bc of a long lasting injury they sustained from falling into the underground, or they float as a ghost
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transsexualhamlet · 3 years
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okayokayokay i have like. Q U E S T I O N S because i have *wanted* to read no longer human but have been afraid to SO -
1) what's it like? what do u think of it? im sooo curious 👀
2) do u think that asagiri-sensei based bsd dazai sorta off the book more than off the actual authour? i seem to remember reading that once but i dont remember if it was speculation or not
3) .......just infodump as much as you want, really; im Curious™️ and it looks like ur having fun with the book XD
p.s. - have fun with crime and punishment; thats a book ive DEFINITELY been meaning to read (but i havent had time to yet djfjdjfjf)
AHHHHHHH HI TYSM I WAS HOPING SOMEONE WOULD ASK. I read the entire book in 2 hours before going to bed like four days ago, though it probably wasn't the best time to do it, that shit is nightmare fuel
I'm just gonna preface this with I know basically nothing about the actual author other than what's in the book, also I read the manga version (the junji ito one, yeah) so yeah I'm not sure how much that differs from the original text.
So for how much he based it off of the book vs the actual author, I couldn't really tell you- no longer human is somewhat of an autobiography, so I'd say that those work together. (it's complicated, bc the main character of no longer human is not actually dazai, but dazai is there, and they like??? basically say that that character and dazai are like actually the same person???? and they like, switch places at the end?? its really confusing, but basically, I'm treating the mc of no longer human as dazai himself.) The important stuff about the author that I know of worked into dazai's character is all in no longer human too so,,, yeah. I think saying that it's based more off of that book is probably true, though I don't know what asagiri was thinking.
But about the book itself- Yeah uhhhhhh seriously, I don't really recommend reading no longer human if you have much of a sensitivity to basically anything, especially the graphic novel version because when i say graphic novel i mean Graphic there is so much nudity, sex, s/a, addiction, violence, Mental Illness of all types, religious trauma, obviously suicide, and frankly just visually horrifying stuff
So everything under this is gonna be under a cut just cause Uh Yeah It's A Lot and i do not want to subject everybody to it
But reading it was certainly something I am glad I did, because it did teach me a lot about dazai and how he was created, as well as confirming a lot of theories I had about him that can't be confirmed or denied in bsd canon.
Like me and my friend were just like examining his character and kind of coming up with ideas about him- like we both agreed that he had Motherless Energy TM and that his dad had to have been an absolute fucking piece of shit. Also, we thought that he definitely had to have had A Lot of csa trauma and probably issues having to do with his neurodivergency when he was a child.
Literally all of that ended up being true within the canon of no longer human, so I was kind of impressed that we were so right?? It makes me feel better for thinking a lot of those things, especially since they're just Pretty Fucked Up.
But yeah its. No wonder he turned out that way when he was So Autistic and Masking So Much And So Badly and with absolutely no guidance as how to deal with his neurodivergency other than just fucking let anything anyone wanted happen sooooo he got raped, as a kid, like. A lot. A LOT. And basically ended up thinking that because of this all humans were just horrifying awful monsters and yeahhhhh things pretty much went downhill from there
I don't have a ton of time so you can send me more asks about it lol this is just barely scratching the surface this thing is pretty intense
A lot of other things that I think I can apply to bsd dazai as well, tho they're not gone into that much in the canon:
-This dude is like always fucking drunk or high, cause he just cannot stand being sober that much. He's a serious alcoholic and actually addicted to opioids and I cannot think that much differently about dazai. He's got issues.
but there are a lot of differences between Dazai and the no longer human mc, though there are enough similarities that this is definitely the dude he was based off of.
The main difference is that the no longer human mc is actually just a good guy. He's made a shit ton of stupid fucking mistakes, but he's trying to be a good man and he feels awful for the things he's done, which, I really cannot say Dazai has. Dazai is not a good man, I think everyone knows that. He doesn't really care that much lol
-both of them are like. Weirdly popular with women. Which is hilarious but like, with Dazai he doesn't really take it seriously, and he actually flirts with women. The no longer human guy like. He doesn't hes just like Tragically Attractive and women want to be with him and he has no clue how to say no so he just ends up being a whore bc hes socially useless. It causes a lot of problems bc hes like constantly cheating because of this lol.
-Dazai has a much more poetic view of it all? The no longer human guy is just fucking suffering and hes like why is this happening to me im so awful and i bring misfortune to everyone around me and its not fair and he wants to die and everything but it's not at all in the same way that Dazai does. Dazai acts more like an author than him, in the sense of his "I want a death that is narriatively satisfactory and I want to know the meaning of living by seeing the worst of it and observing how it is to be a human" yeah that's not the same at all. No longer human man really just doesn't understand them and is just. Not having fun
-Also, it's really the thing about Dazai having such an utter lack of religion compared to his original counterpart. Like, the main thing that kept this dude alive for so long was the fact that he had so much religious trauma and was constantly guilty and worried he would go to hell and basically scared of everything. Bsd dazai is like, nearly the opposite, he's the kind of dude who was born and raised atheist, and in the kind of way that he's trying to basically come up with his own meaning of life and religion to follow, whereas the original is struggling to live with one that's been perscribed to him. Both are Very Neurodivergent but it was, handled differently
And yeah i really do have to keep this short, you can totally ask me more and I have a lot more to say but one thing I want to bring attention to is the fact of something they do have in common- their masking. It's a big part of no longer human, about how the mc doesn't understand social customs and what is acceptable or how to talk to people or seriously be happy, so he basically comes up with this "clowning" which is basically, make a fool of himself on purpose all the time so people will never take him seriously or think he's good or smart. That's something dazai completely does, wholeheartedly, and something that fucks him up bad in no longer human. And I think that could be examined a lot more deeply, this dude has issues and so many of them are related to autism. God, I have so many thoughts but aghhhhhhhhhhhhh i hope u enjoy
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