#ONE IS AN ABUSER THE OTHER WAS ABUSED
Sylvie, Loki and Mobius: are in any possible way comfortable with each other and have wholesome 3p interactions as well as significant individual ones (as much as you can have in so few episodes)
Fandom: okay let's do ship wars
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The Vincent argument
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"when your content triggers other people youre an abuser" Wow, I guess every single neurosurgeon talking about their profession is an abuser™ instead of someone trying to save lives since, given my childhood medical history, neuroscience triggers my anxiety. (But seriously, this anon needs to grow up and realize that one person's triggers are not the end-all and be-all of the world.)
oh whoops do you want me to start tagging neuroscience related stuff?
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defending britney spears online isn’t enough. i need a gun.
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NaLu is such a great
And loving couple
They rough house
and wrestle each other
Because good friends and couples can play pranks and be rough
Without it being inherently abusive.
and it can be a healthy relationship
As long as everyone is having fun and enjoying each other’s company
And to only use those images to represent NaLu
but not this one
Or this one
Or even this one
Or even this one
to paint it as an abusive or unhealthy relationship
Is kinda fucked up yo
‘Cause they have a good bond
and a good ship
and are a pure and loving relationship
Because NaLu is great!
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So we’re all in agreement that making Toph a cop was a pretty bad move in hindsight. That leaves us with the question, ‘What should Toph have done instead?’ Well, I have an idea.
One day, Toph travels to one of the mountain ranges near the center of the world and then completely levels an entire mountain. She spends weeks, months, digging into the earth, shoving boulders thrice her size, meeting everything head on. Once she has a large enough chunk of land, she begins to build. Walls climb towards the clouds. Furniture is carved from stone. The detail is immaculate. When she invites the others to come help her, they can only gape, because she’s single-handedly built an entire multi-room mansion.
Sokka is able to set up a lighting system, reminding Toph that other people will need to see in the hallways. He’s also in charge of stocking the large kitchen, at least for the first wave of arrivals. Katara sews together fabrics for things like curtains, rugs, blankets. She also makes sure that the drawers are filled with various healing ointments. Suki checks to make sure that everything is safe for bodies of all heights. Zuko and Aang travel the world and use their influence to spread the word that this place exists.
What is this place exactly? Well, it has a name, but it can best be described as a combination of a halfway house and a foster home. A place that exists for any child who, like Toph, has to escape their abusive parents but don’t have anywhere else to go. Toph will take them in. She’ll make sure that they get ‘toughened up’ and that they’re not a bunch of ‘weak fuddy duddies’ from the things their parents did to them. And if an abusive parent comes along to try to take their kid back...I mean, really, do you expect anyone to get past Toph? Come on! Not that she’s the only one who fights them off. One by one, the other kids become confident enough to stand at her side, fighting away the abusive parents, fighting away the abuse. She raises them to be strong. She raises them to be confident. She raises them.
Some leave, of course. She’s Aang’s best friend. She knows that some people are just destined to travel the world. That’s why it’s also a halfway house. Any child can stay with her for as long or as little as they need. And of course that includes children who are escaping the law. What does she look like, a cop?
So, yes, some leave, but some stay. Some call her ‘Mom’. She calls two, ‘daughters’. The eldest daughter tells her that she wants to go be the Police Chief of Republic City. (”You’re going against everything that your parent taught you? I am so proud of you!”) The younger daughter tells her that she wants to do what Toph did, only to a new extreme, building an entire city. Toph is proud of her, as well. She’s proud of all of the kids who come and go, who stay and leave, who learn and grow.
Aang stops by to tell them all stories of his adventures. Zuko stops by to offer genuinely good advice about how they can grow into someone new, someone who isn’t defined by their past or the abuse they faced. Katara is everyone’s surrogate aunt and often stops by to heal the children with the worst injuries. Suki and Sokka teach all of the nonbender children. Iroh travels there several times a year to brew tea for everyone and offer his own advice. He always leaves after a few days, to travel back to Ba Sing Se, but that’s okay. For some, it’s a place to visit. For others, it’s a home.
And what does Toph name that home?
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I think it’s very telling how much fanboys loved Harley Quinn when she was a ‘fun, quirky psycho’ and thought of her as one of the sexiest female comic characters while she was stuck in a toxic relationship where she was abused constantly but still loved and defended her abuser, but now that she’s away from the Joker and no longer loves him, and is making important relationships with other women, she’s been ‘ruined’.
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Your shitty mother isn't a narcissist. Your toxic ex isnt a psycho. You were not a victim of "bpd abuse". Your abuser was not sociopathic and did not have antisocial personality disorder/was not antisocial. People with harmful and illogical opinions such as government leaders aren't delusional.
Start finding vocabulary that isn't ableist here are some examples of more accurate and less harmful descriptions.
"My mother is conceited and self centered, which impacts me negatively still and led to abuse"
"My ex is violent and seems out of control a lot, and they've traumatized me through their abusive behavior"
"My abuser [describe their actions without mentioning their bpd bc its not what fucking makes some one abusive . that would be like saying "my abuser had depression....I am a victim of depressed abuse and distrust those with depression now because they're abusive" ]
"My abuser didn't have any sympathy or compassion for others and objectified me."
"My abuser lashed out at others and was always very cold and distant to me."
"They're willfully ignorant and hiding behind their privilege."
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“And under here, Hedwig”—Harry pulled open a door under the stairs—“is where I used to sleep; You never knew me then—Blimey, it’s small, I’d forgotten.... ”
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I've learned a lot from tumblr, and I've enjoyed much of the time I spend here. but sometimes I wonder where I would be mentally and emotionally if I hadn't gone through the harassment I experienced (and still experience) after getting big so quickly.
I won't pretend it wasn't the source of new trauma, and that it didn't seriously affect me, the way those sorts of targeted harassment campaigns have seriously affected the mental health of many bloggers (with any size audience) who have been hounded and threatened off this site. I feel that tumblr (surprising to all of us, I'm sure) is ahead of most other social media sites in a number of ways. But we still have a long ways to go, and I would guess that "call out" and purity culture is one of the most immediate and severe threats to our health as a community, and as individuals.
I am begging all of us to do BETTER. We owe each other better.
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Now here's something I've never done. A direct response to someone else's post.
First, we're going to tackle "Lilo isn't a good role model" and then we're going to deal with, "White people aren't a problem in Hawaii." And before I address that second part, full disclaimer: I am not a Pacific Islander, I'm Black and Filipino (and there's a debate to be had about whether or not Filipinos count as Pacific Islanders but it's not going to happen today.)
So, @squigglydigg thinks that Lilo isn't a good role model. No shit. The first sign that maybe Lilo isn't coping well with the loss of her parents should've come from the fact that she gives a fish sandwiches every day because he controls the weather and her parents died when it was raining.
When Lilo hits Murtle, it's because Murtle says this is weird. If I'm a six or seven year old kid, my parents have died and someone calls the thing that gives me peace of mind weird, I'm probably going to lash out because to a young child, that makes sense.
Also I love that this person says the setup is that Lilo thinks the world is against her when the premise of Lilo's story is that Lilo is an outsider, both literally (having no friends) and metaphorically (as a POC,) and that her parents have died. She's an angry, lonely kid who's world has been turned upside down. That's not her thinking the world is against her, that's her being an angry, lonely kid because her world has turned upside down.
Another also, what kid sees the sacrifices that their guardian makes? It's heavily implied that Nani had to give up surfing to take care of Lilo but Nani herself is what, 18? 19? At most early 20s? And she and Lilo are both adjusting to her going from "older sister" to "parental figure." Why would that be an easy transition for EITHER of them? Lilo is seven, I can say from experience, seven year olds don't care what you do for them because they exist in their own world. And that's not being a bad person, that's being seven.
This person is calling a seven year old abusive. Even though it's clear why Lilo is lashing out and it's also made clear that Lilo is trying to figure out her place in this new family. Because it is a new family, she and Nani have to redefine what their family is. After their fight - which they are both responsible for - they apologize to each other and Lilo specifically asks Nani whether or not she still likes her and has a place in their family. The entire movie, is Lilo trying to reconceptualize her own family. To the point where at the end of the movie, Stitch says, "this is my family, it's little and broken, but still good."
The point isn't you should love and take care of your abusers because no one is abusive here. The point, as stated by Stitch, is that the people who are your family will always be apart of it whether or not they're gone. Or better yet, that you can find your own family.
And since that's out of the way, I'm going to address the, "there is no 'us vs them' in Hawaii." First off, Hawaii isn't apart of the United States by choice, which gives you the first clue that maybe - just maybe - native Hawaiians wouldn't be too happy about the influx of white folks on their homeland that they can no longer claim.
In the particular scene @kaleidraws says is "disgusting" and "perpetuates the hatred of violence [against tourists]" these white tourists ask Lilo, "Do you speak English." They talk about her as though she is an object not a person. And they provide articles about tourists who have been attacked and can't seem to connect that: maybe - and this is just speculation - native Hawaiians aren't happy about being forced into the United States and having to deal with their tourists.
There is a great breakdown of the Aloha Oe' scene by Lindsay Ellis where she touches upon the song's origins (being written as Hawaii was being taken from its Native people) and how that sentiment is mirrored in the movie by the fact that Lilo is about to be taken from Nani by that very same government, but I want to add that as a woman of color, who's history begins with my ancestors being brought here against their will: anyone who cannot see that there is and will always be an "us vs them" mindset in the hearts of minorities who suffered at the hands of colonialism is ignorant. @kaleidraws is ignorant.
Trying to argue that it was wrong of the creatives of Lilo and Stitch to show how colonialism affected real Hawaiians is so goddamn ignorant. Especially considering Disney was too coward to leave the scene in for fear of offending those white people and went on to learn nothing from this and tried to make the South look like a friendly place for Black women in The Princess and the Frog.
TLDR: little girls of color shouldn’t have to be punished for their trauma or be perfect role models in spite of it and colonialism is an ugly parasite that makes white folks mad when its ugliness is rightfully called out.
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some thoughts about bly manor that i havent seen other people express yet (big spoilers)
1. Dani isn’t just haunted by her fiance, she’s haunted by what he represented. When she sees him it tends to be in mirrors, so he’s stood with her like some perverse image of heterosexuality. He tends to touch her in a sexual/romantic way which she’s clearly uncomfortable with. He is both literally the spectre of her dead fiance and a metaphor for compulsory heterosexuality.
1b. see also: dani seeing him while literally trapped in a closet against her will.
2. The last episode is 100% a metaphor for being in a relationship where one partner has a chronic/terminal illness. This includes chronic mental illness (the suicidal ideation is not there by accident). Theres a lot of subtext about feeling like a burden on your partner, being scared to put them through the trauma of your illness and being scared theyll leave you when youre too much trouble. These ideas are brought up earlier in the series when discussing Owen’s mother’s dementia (and i could make a whole other rant about Jamie’s character development in this regard).
3. Preface: I dont like peter he’s an abusive arsehole and controlling freak. BUT I think this dislike is making people less likely to examine Peter’s motivations and the character’s themes. I think he represents one of the show’s central themes about the cyclical nature of abuse; how abused people often take out their abuse on others, therefore creating more abused people.
We know peter was abused by his father (probably sexually abused if the comments about ‘other boys’ and ‘innocence’ and his mother knowing are read into) so it’s interesting to me that his actions towards Miles and Flora could be seen as him grooming them by taking over their bodies without their consent. They both seem to know to keep their interactions with him a secret, he promises them rewards for their compliance and when they complain that he ‘tucks them away’ without their consent he acts contrite and promises not to do it again. Peter embodies the cycle of abuse, grooming the children the way he himself was likely groomed. I am not in any way excusing his actions, just saying its interesting.
4. Linked to the above point: the cyclical nature of the lady in the lake (how she walks the same path each time, how her years trapped in the trunk were a repeating cycle) parallels the cycle of abuse and this is totally intentional. Viola started this cycle of pain, abuse and death through her unwillingness for her loved ones to watch her die. She and Perdita murder each other, another strange cycle of violence, and the ghosts created by the cyclical violence are trapped in her “gravity” and unable to leave (aka unable to leave the cycle of abuse). The cycle will keep on going forever until it is stopped actively, just like real cycles of abuse.
4b. Dani stops the cycle (both the cycle of abuse and the lady in the lake) through a totally selfless act of love. this makes me cry bc she’s so good, she didnt deserve any of this.
5. Peter and Rebecca’s “love” is intentionally compared to Dani and Jamie’s. Dani and Jamie discuss how “love is not about possession”. Peter LITERALLY possesses Rebecca so he can force her to stay with him forever. Jamie knows that Dani will have to leave someday and cherishes every minute, Peter murders Rebecca to prevent her from leaving. Poetic Cinema.
6. everyone has said this but its worth noting. I’m crying. I’m fucking crying. everything about this show is so good I havent even delved into half the shit i could wtf
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mirror in the sky, what is love
cw for implied child abuse as well as just. all of dean's numerous issues. inspired by a wonderful cas vid with the same song by @gracelands2.
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I read an interesting BNHA fic the other day called “Burn Your Wings”!
The premise is the Izuku inherits both of his parents Quirks- but his father is a villain, and a father way more brutal than Endeavor besides, so he swears he’ll become a hero without ever using his fire. When he hears Todoroki’s story, he sees a kindred spirit in him- and realizes that together, they just might be able to help each other out.
The way @owhitekiwibird (at AO3 here) writes the mechanics of Izuku having his parents’ Quirks working in tandem is a really unique dynamic, and throwing One for All into the mix just makes for an even more creative use of powers! I definitely recommend reading this fic, I can’t wait for future updates!
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omgggg can you share ur list of things you’ve read ? 😭 i feel like i’ve hit rock bottom thinking i’ve read everything
Alright, here we go, these are a few of my favorite reader-inserts I have saved on my AO3:
Multi Ships (collection of one shots/love triangles)
Dear Diary: Bakugo VS Midoriya VS Todoroki. Reader had her heart broken by Bakugo, moves on and develops feelings for Midoriya that might be mutual?, and now Bakugo likes reader but is a fucking dick about it and Midoriya is an oblivious green bean. Meanwhile Todoroki is just a sweety, acting like a real friend and being there for reader during the drama (that he sometimes causes). Angst alert, just pure angst. I love it as much as i want to pull out all my hair cause of these idiot children. (Wordcount: 77415 Status: Incomplete)
The Void You Left Behind: Past Kirishima/Reader, Bakugo/Reader. Reader was married to Kirishima who sadly died while on the job. Bakugo and reader mourn together and help each other to move on. The grief in this was so realistic and well done, you will feel like you were hit by a truck. I cried and had to take breaks. (Wordcount: 71016 Status: Complete)
Million Reasons: Past Bakugo/reader, Midoriya/Reader. Bakugo and reader were married, but Bakugo (a total dick) cheats on reader and was abusive towards reader who ends up leaving him, changing jobs, and now working for the current number one hero Deku. Warning: Domestic violence, abusive and manipulative behavior. (Wordcount: 55693 Status: Incomplete)
MULT-FANDOM COLLECTION (my-american-hero): Multiple story collection, not just bnha. Author’s tumblr account.
BNHA College Reader Inserts series: 5 works, all in college. Really like the Bakugo/Reader centric fics in this one, reader doesn’t take his shit. (Wordcount total of all works: 62691 Status: Series incomplete, but only one of the works isn’t complete.)
Baby no Hero Academia: Multiple stories of our favorite characters being parents. (Wordcount: 72822 Status: incomplete)
My Hero Academia Images: multi story collection. If you like these, look at the other works by this author. Some are choose your own route stories with different endings for each ship. (Wordcount: 240426 Status: incomplete)
My hero academia one-shots!: smutty and fluffy one shots with multiple characters. (Wordcount: 155424 Status: complete)
Boku no Hero Academia One-Shots/Imagines~! (lady-Bakuhoe): one-shot collection. Didn’t realize right away that I had been reading lady-bakuhoe’s stuff for months on AO3. (Wordcount: 39963 Status: complete)
Bakugou, Katsuki ( Alpha!Bakugou ; Omegaverse )(AO3 Link) (Tumblr Link): Smut one-shot, omegaverse, alpha/omega, daddy kink. (Wordcount: 5087)
Wolves Among Us: I’m pretty sure everyone knows this one, still putting it down. Werewolf!Bakugo x Human!Reader, Fantasy AU. (Wordcount: 334465 Status: Incomplete)
Bakugou Household: Domestic Bakugo just being the best dad. (Wordcount: 37867 Status: incomplete)
Types of Love: A bunch of one-shots about different types of love with Bakugo as the center subject. (Wordcount: 10243 Status: Complete)
Sex is a learning, even for shitheads.: Porn with Plot. Focuses on the evolution of the relationship between reader and Bakugo and their sex lives together, from first learning how to do the sex and controlling quirks during to exploring kinks, likes and dislikes. (Wordcount: 73453 Status: Complete)
Speak (Katsuki Bakugou x Reader): Soulmate Au- first words tattooed on body. Reader isnt too thrilled about the resident gremlin of 1-A is her soulmate. Smut included. (Wordcount: 153848 Status: Complete)
Knockout: I just started this one today, but I like it so far. Underground kickboxer au, kickboxer!Bakugo meets card girl!reader. (Wordcount: 85297 Status: complete)
His Tyranny: Fantasy au. Barbarian King Bakugo is power hungry, looking for anything to boost his strength, takes reader, a girl with a strong and dangerous magical ability, from the tower she was locked away in. (Wordcount: 76038 Status: complete)
Dakimakura: Bakugo develops a crush. Porn with plot. (Wordcount: 48657 Status: Complete)
Secret Admirer: Reader leaves Bakugo love letters. Things get steamy when reader gets caught. (Wordcount: 2278 Status: complete)
How to get a boyfriend?: Reader is Bakugo’s little sister and wants a boyfriend, she has her eyes set on her brother’s manly best friend. (Wordcount: 22431 Status: complete)
A Helping Hand (author’s tumblr https://thetrashyartwitch.tumblr.com/): No quirk au. Reader wants to better herself by going to the gym and develops a crush on Kirishima who was just being himself and being kind to reader. This gets a gold star from me, I read this over and over and I still love it so much. (Wordcount: 5707 Status: complete, one-shot)
Rising Sun (Btw, don’t bug the author about updating, they already get hounded about this one and other fics. The wait will be worth it.): Fantasy au and arrange marriage between princess!reader and dragon!Kirishima. Reader is in an entirely new environment and culture, getting to know her new kingdom and husband. (Wordcount: 14667 Status: incomplete)
Crimison|Ink (Kirishima x Reader) : I know I posted about this one before, but I will post about this again. I read this so many times, I have it downloaded on my phone to read offline. I don’t even know where to begin to describe this one, I just love it so much and can’t wait for it to come back. I don’t want to say I have a favorite, cause I love all of these… but if I had to choose *cough* this one *cough*. Summary: “Kirishima and his band of heavily tattooed brothers own and run a very well known tattoo shop together. One day a girl wonders into the shop in search of a tattoo to mark the start of her new life. Soon enough she’ll learn that this ‘family’ business is more than just buzzing tattoo guns and ink, and finds herself caught up in the middle of it, all while having to deal with a certain sharp-toothed pain in the ass.” Warning: violence, blood and gore, toxic past relationships. (Wordcount: 119179 Status: incomplete)
Oranges: Omegaverse, alpha!female!Reader/Omega!Kirishima. Mutual pining childhood friends who are oblivious towards each other’s feelings while everyone notices. (Wordcount: 19695 Status: Complete)
Anger Management: smut one-shot, reader is pissed about something at work and uses Kirishima to get rid of the rage by riding him till she’s no longer angry. (Wordcount: 1509 Status: Complete)
The Pizza Delivery Guy: Modern and College Au. Reader’s roommate Mina puts in to send the cutest delivery boy over. Best customer service experience ever. Pure fluff and flirting. Wanna see more. (Wordcount: 1607 Status: Complete)
Better Late Than Never: Dumb dumbs pining over each other both thinking they are just friends. (Wordcount: 2996 Status: complete)
Boyfriend Me: Short and simple, i live for the fluff and awkward kirishima. Accidental confessions and lack of words when around your crush. (Wordcount: 701 Status: complete)
The Heat of a Dragon: Pure smut with fantasy dragon!kirishima… who has two dicks. (Wordcount: 2464 Status: Complete)
All in his head: Reader has a mind reading quirk and Kirishima has a surprisingly dirty mind, sexy times ensues. (Wordcount: 1415 Status: Complete)
Fatgum/Reader (warning: all are smut fics)
First Time: This was my first fatgum fic I ever read and it’s still one of my top faves. Reader and Fatgum finally take steps into becoming intimate. Fluffy porn with plot. Size difference, totally a size queen’s go to fic. (Wordcount: 5394 Status: complete)
Sugar : Another first time fic, this time with a baker!reader in the middle of her kitchen. Size difference. (Wordcount: 6241 Status: Complete)
Dine and Dash: Celebratory public sex. (Wordcount: 2883 Status: complete)
Brick Walls are Great Support: Public sex in an alleyway. (Wordcount: 3006 Status: complete)
Drizzle: Valentine’s day sexy times with food. (Wordcount: 3017 Status:Complete)
Temporary: Omegaverse, Omega!reader goes to a heat/rut house and meets alpha!Fatgum. (Wordcount: 3367 Status: Complete)
Not a typical Office Romance: office sexy times. (Wordcount: 2006 Status: complete)
Warmth of You: collection of Deku/reader one-shot smuts. I actually love this author a lot, does some of the best bottom Bakugo fics I have ever read. If you like bakudeku, check out their other works.
“Just Friends” : Jealous Midoriya doesn’t like being called just friends and reminds the reader that they are way more. Smut. (Wordcount: 3492 Status: complete)
Hero Santa: Best friends become something more during movie night in a blanket fort. Fluffy smut that makes me smile. (Wordcount: 4936 Status: complete)
Hoodie [SeroxReader]: post-break up, the only thing left behind was one of Sero’s hoodies that Reader still wears. Angst. (Wordcount: 3284 Status: complete)
Sour. Sweet. Gone.: no quirk and college au. Sero and reader are both pining idiots who go from friends to enemies to lovers. (Wordcount: 10448 Status: complete)
Tape residue: fluff smut, friends to lovers. Sero misread some signals but it all ends well. (Wordcount: 3410 Status: Complete)
A Seronade of Misunderstandings: Sero plans the most romantic and cheesy way for the first time but reader thinks his secretive behavior means he’s cheating. (Wordcount: 3420 Status: Complete)
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Some misconceptions to clear up:
-Polyamory is not necessarily synonymous with "open relationship". Poly relationships can be and often are closed relationships, involving only the members already present and not seeking out more people.
-Polyamory is not inherently abusive, disrespectful, cheating etc. People can lead happy, loving, fulfilling lives in poly relationships.
-Polyamorous people are not naturally "less committed" to their partners than monogamous people are. Polyamorous people can be and often are very committed to their partners, just as much as monogamous people are. Having multiple partners does not make a person less committed, the same way that you aren't "less committed" to your friends for having multiple friends.
-Not all poly relationships are sexually oriented. Plenty of poly relationships do not include sex at all, in fact. That being said, there is nothing wrong with poly relationships that involve or are primarily about sex.
-Polyamorous people may have one-on-one sex with each other. Not everyone participates in all sex all the time.
-Polyamorous people/relationships aren't inherently more "kinky" than monogamous people or relationships. Poly people can have quite vanilla sex lives. That being said, there's nothing wrong with poly relationships that do involve kink.
-People in poly relationships may have different relationships to each other. Not everyone in a poly relationship feels the exact same way about everyone else. For example, A, B, and C may all be romantically attracted to each other, but only A and B are sexually attracted to each other, and so C is involved in the relationship in a romantic way but not a sexual one. Or perhaps A is sexually involved with B and C, but B and C are not sexual with each other. Or perhaps B and C are not romantically attracted to each other, either! There are different terms for these different sorts of relationships between members.
-Polyamory is not a solution to cheating, disrespect, abuse, etc. in monogamous relationships. If someone is disrespectful/abusive/a cheater while in a monogamous relationship, they're still going to be abusive/disrespectful/a cheater in a poly relationship.
-If a monogamous partner tries to make excuses for cheating by saying "it's polyamorous", then that person is still a cheater, period. Polyamory is about informed consent for all parties involved, and cheating is not. If someone cheats on you and makes these sorts of excuses, you're fully within your rights to dump their ass.
-Yes, it is possible to cheat on your partners in a polyamorous relationship, and it's just as bad as cheating in a monogamous relationship.
-It's not always easy to transition from a monogamous to a polyamorous relationship, even for people who know it's exactly what they want. Polyamorous people can sometimes still feel jealous and insecure about their partners finding new people to love.
-Some polyamorous people consider their polyamory to be an important aspect of their identity. They may refer to themselves as polyamorous even when single, and they find themselves unable to be fulfilled in a monogamous relationship. They perceive their polyamory as similar to a sexual or romantic orientation. Other polyamorous people may consider their polyamory to be something that they choose to do, rather than a part of who they are.
-Polyamory is heavily, heavily stigmatized in many parts of the world. Polyamorous people deserve the support of other marginalized communities, such as the LGBTQ+ community, and activists would do well to work towards ending stigma and bigotry towards polyamory, and monogamous normativity.
Poly people, feel free to add on to this
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very often when someone has one abusive parent that they resent/fear and one that they see as the “good” parent, that good parent is merely a different type of dysfunctional from the abusive parent. each parent has a responsibility to protect their children, and to make meeting their child’s needs a priority. but a parent who enables abuse is not protecting their child or meeting their needs. they are simply neglectful where the other parent is actively harmful.
and the good parents can be very pleasant, fun, easy to relate to... there can be a lot that really is good about them. but when it comes to their essential role in a child’s life - caregiver - they are not there.
of course every case of abuser/enabler doesn’t conform to this model, and many enabler parents have few options (eg a mother w no income who stays w an abusive husband). but the effect on children remains -- they are unsafe and parentified, even to the point of feeling protective of the enabler parent. this is abuse.
if you have an enabler parent who you love, that’s wonderful. but remember that you can be honest about the ways they didn’t perform their duties for your sake, and how that hurt you. it’s no more a betrayal of them to tell the truth about them than it is to tell the truth about the obviously abusive parent. the narrative is yours now, and it can contain both love and truth.
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Kaidan + Cerberus SR-2 Crew
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One of the trash things about childhood trauma is getting used to unhealthy feelings and thought patterns and being unable to recognize that it's not normal. You don't know what most people feel or how they think. Then you ignore some problems and exaggerate others because you don't realize that some things are normal and other things aren't.
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I think one of the reasons Good Omens speaks so intensely to so many people is how it handles abusive relationship dynamics and, of course, the deeply hopeful resolution that is so incredibly rare when this topic is explored.
Good Omens just handles and illustrates the concept of emotional trauma so well. Particularly as it relates to toxic relationships, and childhood emotional and psychological abuse.
A lot of the stories and allegories we get in modern media are about physical abuse. Here though, we see the fallout of controlling relationships. How subtle and deceptive and insidious they are. How, unless you’ve gotten lucky enough to gain some outside perspective, you can’t even see it for what it is.
Good Omens perfectly illustrates two different sides of the victims of abusive family relationships:
Aziraphale is the compliant one. He really tries to see the good in everyone and he’s unintentionally an apologist because, through no fault of his own, he’s been completely brainwashed. Because he’s a good being, his priority isn’t himself, but others. Extending grace to everyone but himself is so intrinsic to who he is that he expects no reciprocity. Even though he can’t shake the feeling that something is off, he’s been taught not to trust himself and therefore continues to brush it off or to simply choose not to think about it. (Aziraphale’s self immersion in the hedonistic comforts of humanity is his chosen form of dissociation)
Aziraphale is NOT however, completely unrebellious. His priority, though, whether he’s aware of it or not, is self-preservation, as is invariably the outcome in a family situation like this one. He is very good at perceived compliance but ultimately motivated by other things. The first example we see of this is in giving his sword away in the garden. He follows this up with many small, mostly ignored acts of non compliance - his association with Crowley, his love affair with humanity, indulging his hedonistic tendencies etc. - without endangering his position, firmly on the side of the angels. Yet, like anyone who has ever been in this type of family dynamic, he is very motivated by fear. He fears consequences because he knows they will not be merciful. He mentions this quite a few times throughout the story, worried both for himself and for Crowley.
Crowley is the proverbial black sheep. He questions authority. If something feels wrong, he’s not going to let it go. Crowley has a very strong sense of right and wrong but where it differs from that of Aziraphale’s is that it is intrinsic. It relies on free will, on choice. Something can’t be purely right unless it is free from outside controlling influences. Force is never right, manipulation is never right. Crowley doesn’t believe in artificially imposed “morals” and he cannot reconcile the incongruence of heaven beating everyone over the head with “goodness” and forcing them to comply with it, especially when things like infantcide and crucifiction are involved and everyone is just supposed to be ok with that.
So he questions. He probably did so respectfully. “Respect your elders and betters” is definitely something you are browbeaten with in a dynamic like this. That, however, is a transgression that is not easily forgiven unless you drop it immediately and never bring it up again. Clearly, this is not what happened. And the consequence was being kicked out of heaven and punished. And he never really gets over it. He was betrayed by his family and that’s not something that ever heals right.
He “hung around the wrong people” because, under the circumstances they were the only others around. Crowley gives the distinct impression of a kid that was thrown out of his abusive family and inadvertently ended up in a gang of anarchists because self-preservation is something you learn early in a situation like that.
Heaven is very much an “ends justify the means” crowd. Of course, the “end” in this case isn’t particularly great either and in fact the only goal involved is the elimination of the other side, the perceived “evil” to Heaven’s “good”. Heaven perceives “good” as submission to the rules and they the enforcers of it. Hell perceives “evil” as the opposite of that but really it just boils down to choice.
Hell’s manifesto then, as it were, is really just “do the opposite of what Heaven wants” (i.e. chaos) But Crowley takes that a step further because he believes in the value of choice. It’s what he’s been pushing Aziraphale towards since they met.
What makes this story so delightful and so satisfying is that Aziraphale ultimately chooses to say no to his family. He chooses, well, to have a choice, and defend others rights to choice. He leaves the abusive dynamic and he chooses Crowley and himself and humanity. He learns boundaries and stops allowing himself to be controlled. And we get such a good representation of how hard that is to do. But we also get to see that he’s not going to have to do it alone. Crowley is never going to leave him on his own, not even when he says he is. And that’s what eventually drives Aziraphale to make the choice; Heaven’s controlling superiority or Crowley’s unrelenting support.
Crowley’s arc is that he’s caught in the middle. He’s not ruthless enough for Heaven or for Hell and he’s unable to deny his personal convictions enough to convincingly fake it. He didn’t want to fall. He didn’t want to be evil. He just didn’t want to be whatever it is Heaven is.
So he’s out there, alone, doing his best to survive and blend in until he runs into Aziraphale and finds a kindred spirit. And Crowley can’t help but to be drawn to Aziraphale because he’s different. He’s kind. Because, even though the angel doesn’t know it yet, Aziraphale is like Crowley and they’re destined, someday, to be on their own side.
Angst with a happy ending, indeed.
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