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craptsukii · 3 years

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genshin boys and terms of endearment they'd use

a/n: this is my first time writing headcanons and ngl i found them quite difficult to format :( i’m liking this style for now, but things might change later on teehee anyway, lemon cake update next week, i promise!

♡༚࿐ 🇩‌🇮‌🇱‌🇺‌🇨‌

let’s get something out of the way first

diluc is not a jerk

sure, he might have tsundere tendencies but he’s definitely not as cold as people make him seem

in my opinion anyway

i like to call him a classy, but also a very private, softie

i can totally see him as someone who’d use terms such as darling, love, doll

a major factor here is the time and place

in public, he tries to seem more indifferent and will most likely refer to you by your name

however, in a more private setting, he has no inhibitions and actually prefers using nicknames!

I feel like diluc would want to really reassure their partner he truly cares about them, but in a direct yet indirect way

and calling you sweet things seems to get the message across.

listen to this while reading!

If only time could pass faster. Who knew waiting could be such an agonising activity? Such a simple but repetitive thing. Waiting for your cake to finish baking, waiting for the morning to arrive and even waiting for your lover to come home turned out to be much more of a challenge. It wasn’t unusual for Diluc to spend hours on end at Angel’s Share, but it was rather odd of him to break his promises.

A sad smile took over your features, remembering last night. Remembering his words, so sweet and benign, promising to dedicate you all of him and his time. His crimson red eyes, full of love and admiration for the person he held so dearly to his heart. His voice, so demure and nothing but a soft whisper, as if raising it would ruin the moment. The moment he shared with you in a little dark corner of Mondstadt, away from curious eyes and sharp ears. The moment he so desperately wanted to hold onto. Yet, the darknight hero was nowhere to be found.

By the time he finally arrived, your eyes were already closing. It was a gloved hand that pulled you out of your somnolent state. Yet again those same red eyes were looking into yours with the same devotion, if not stronger than the night he made his promise.

“Forgive me, love,” he pleaded in a shushed tone, “Kaeya came in and started causing a commotion and I couldn’t just leave.” he continued, his thumb brushing over your cheek delicately.

Too tired to say anything, you placed your hand over his, silently asking him to join you in bed. You had all the time in the world to discuss tomorrow... Hopefully. After discarding his black coat on one of the chairs and taking off his shoes, Diluc plopped in your shared bed, not even bothering to change into something more comfortable. Soon his arms were around your waist, bringing you closer to his chest. His smell reminded you of grapes and it completely enveloped you as you nestled into him.

“If only I could turn back time…” Diluc murmured to himself, kissing the top of your head. “Nothing will come in between us and our time together tomorrow. I promise you, darling.”

Turns out that, in the end, he does keep his promises.

♡༚࿐ 🇽‌🇮‌🇦‌🇴‌

listen to this while reading!

my very polite baby

like sure, he’s straightforward

but he be treating everyone with respect

you might be wondering why that matters

well that's because i think xiao would see it as a little rude to not refer to someone important to him by their name

names play a major part in xiao’s past

with rex lapis re-naming him after taking him under his wing and such

so, in my opinion, xiao finds calling out your name way more meaningful than nicknames

although if he were to use one it would probably be dear

it’s short and he can still address you as “dear (name)”

it does sound quite formal at times though

Moments like this were rare. Usually, sleep doesn’t concern your lover in the slightest, as it rarely comes to him. Although you couldn’t help but admit how much you loved it when he did come and sleep. Cuddled up next to you was the vigilant yaksha, the well known protector of Liyue. And dare you say, it was truly a divine sight. In the wash of the morning light, his face took the appearance of an old photograph, so nostalgic, so at peace. Slowly, one of your hands brushed past his face, placing the few rebel aquamarine strands that were cascading down his cheek behind his ear. For a moment, you find yourself in perfect silence, Xiao’s soft breaths being the only sounds that could be discerned. Without realising, you started softly rubbing his back, your heart leaping at the content purr that followed shortly after.

It was almost impossible to put into words the joy this brought you. Although it was such a simple, mundane thing, seeing Xiao so at ease was by far your favourite memory with him. The more you studied his features the more your sight fell upon his lips. The sudden urge to kiss him overwhelmed you, wanting nothing more than to cherish and show your lover the affection he deserves.

If only the sudden chirping of birds didn’t scare you, barely a few inches away from his face.

Curse those birds and their awful timing! And so, you backed away, laughing to yourself in self-consciousness, thankful that no one was aware of your little mishap.

Or so you thought.

You felt your face get warmer the moment you saw Xiao looking at you, drowsiness still coating his eyes. Yet again, for another short moment, no sound could be heard.

“____ my dear” he said, his voice deep and hoarse, snaking his arms around you as he brought you closer to him, “if you won’t do it, I will.” it was then the flush across his cheeks became apparent to you. Shame you didn’t have time to savour it, his lips immediately finding yours in a sweet, dream like kiss.

Moments like this were truly worth treasuring.

♡༚࿐ 🇨‌🇭‌🇮‌🇱‌🇩‌🇪‌

in contrast with xiao, childe loves calling you cute nicknames

in fact, he barely uses your name!

sometimes he likes to tease you and pretend he forgot your actual name

of course that’s not true,he could never do such a thing

I can totally see him use pet names such as comrade, girlie, cutie, shawty, sweetness, princess/prince, baby

ok i know shawty is kind of random, but i think he’d use kind of ironically?

I think he’d also use big sister/brother just to tease you, even if you’re younger than him

he heard teucer refer to you as such one time and it honestly melted his heart a little bit

as a side note, seeing his siblings get along you makes him genuinely happy.

listen to this while reading!

Spring was such a beautiful time. Especially in Liyue. Especially on a date with the one and only Childe, eleventh of the Fatui harbingers. For someone with such a fearsome title and reputation, it wowed you to no end just how charming, just plain adorable, Tartaglia can be. Albeit, it was only your second date, it was expected of him to at least try to be nice.

And on time.

As you waited, under that beautiful sky, a hue so gentle between cloud and baby blue, you watched each bird upon wing. It was one of those spring days with a kiss of coldness that somehow heightened the warm rays of the sun. You paused to admire the flowers, to sense their aromas, to be in the moment with their transient beauty.

“Lovely, aren’t they?” asked Childe from behind you, a shy, perhaps slightly embarrassed, smile painted on his lips. “Sorry I’m late, I really overestimated my juniors’ capabilities and I had to step in.” he continued, gingerly taking hold of your hand, kissing the back of it.

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes at his gentlemanly antics, although you enjoyed them nonetheless. “Don’t worry about it, you’re here now.” you reassured him, as you took a hold of his hand, already leading him towards nowhere in particular.

Another thing you liked about him. Things were so casual, so easy-going. One might call this date nothing but a hangout, but not every date has to be a luxurious five star dinner or a fancy show. Sometimes just a simple walk along the Liyue port was enough. Enough for you to get to know Childe, enough for you to like him even more.

Suddenly, Tartaglia was in front of you, his hands lightly taking hold of your face.

“Hold on cutie, there’s something on your face,” he answered your silent question, seeing as you looked a little confused. The next thing you knew, his lips descended upon yours. It was a sudden but very much welcomed kiss. A kiss that unfortunately ended just as abruptly, “it was me.”

♡༚࿐ 🇿‌🇭‌🇴‌🇳‌🇬‌🇱‌🇮‌

favourite peepaw

also prefers using your name rather than nicknames

but he’s not completely against them

he finds them quite nice actually

and he actually enjoys being referred by one!

like imagine going for a stroll with him and all of a sudden you go "darling, look!"

he'd look so content oh my lord

in my opinion anyway

he’d usually call you honey, my beloved or even my one and only!

you could be doing the simplest of things like reading with him under a tree

and he'd go "you're my one and only love"

no, he isn’t aware of how cheesy it sounds.

listen to this while reading!

Who knew the God of contracts could be such a romantic? Usually, Zhongli wasn’t a big fan of fancy, elaborate dates. He’d usually say something along the lines that “spending time with you was enough for him to feel like the richest man in the world”, which he technically was even without your presence. But, quite frankly, it was because he lacked the funds to do so that he didn’t pamper you every moment of the day.

So when you found yourself face to face with an array of different foods, meticulously prepared and arranged on a soft picnic blanket, you couldn’t help but wonder —

“Why the sudden change?” you asked, sitting down on the plush cover, to which Zhongli only chuckled.

“Am I not allowed to change my mind?” he replied in a teasing tone, flopping next to you.

“Oh, you are more than welcome to do so,” you winked, pouring some tea for both of you. It smelled like chamomile, “I was just trying to say it’s a nice change.” you continued, taking a few sips of your tea.

Zhongli only hummed, content with your response. Sometimes, sitting in silence, all while eating delicious brunch foods and drinking sweet tea, was much more enjoyable than small talk.

And so, you spend the rest of the day with your lover, basking in the sunshine and each other’s company. In his embrace, there was something so right, something that felt right, smelt right. You let your body sag, your muscle become loose. In that embrace you felt your worries loose their keen sting and your optimism raise its head from the dirt.

“You’re so beautiful, my beloved,” he whispered, cupping your face and kissing you gently.

♡༚࿐ 🇰‌🇦‌🇪‌🇾‌🇦‌

avid user of nicknames

partially because he finds them cute

and partially because he loves teasing you

he’d use them in public and try to get a reaction out of you

like let’s say all of a sudden kaeya is back hugging you, pampering your neck with kisses

saying something like “what’s wrong, baby?”

he’d also use hot stuff, sweet cheeks, gorgeous, handsome, cutie pie, treasure

sometimes they’re really sweet, other times they’re really silly

side note, i feel like this one got a little out of hand sorry yall i lowkey can’t take kaeya seriously

listen to this while reading!

There was something so heavenly about a kiss in the rain, a tender moment that just wouldn’t wait. It was that burst of love that is expressed, not caring if the water soaked through to chill the skin. You felt yourself gasping for air as Kaeya’s lips left yours, doe like eyes searching for his. Behind that brilliant shade of blue sparkled a glacial attraction. So complex and mysterious, it was magnetic. It made you want him even more.

Upon seeing your dazed state Kaeya smiled, clearly enjoying the effect he had on you. His hands found yours. “Let’s get you of here before you catch a cold.” he said, leading you down the streets of Mondstadt. It was the middle of August, and you got caught in nothing more than a summer rain. You weren’t even cold, but alas you let it slide, enjoying seeing Kaeya worry about you, even if it wasn’t as serious as he made it seem.

There is something about a rain-washed pathway that invites playful feet, that says each new step will be rewarded with a splash. And soon, you found yourself splashing around, making the most out of this accidental rain shower.

The moment you finally reached your home, Kaeya wasted no time, his arms already wrapped around you in a tight embrace. Yet again, a gasp escaped your mouth, Kaeya’s cold lips leaving goosebumps behind each carefully placed kiss on your neck.

“You know what’s the best way to get warmed up, treasure?” he asked, his hands ghosting over your hips.

You shook your head softly, awaiting his answer.

“A good old dance party!” he exclaimed, spinning you around as he started humming a cheerful. “Nothing gets the blood going like a little movement!” it was obvious he found great pleasure in seeing your more than confused, if not disappointed, expression. Still, he paid you no mind and continued dancing with you all while singing a cheery melody.

It was quite save to assume there was never a boring moment with this man.

♡༚࿐ 🇦‌🇱‌🇧‌🇪‌🇩‌🇴‌

my favourite elevator boy

doesn’t love nicknames but doesn’t hate them either

i see him as an action speak louder than words guy

and although he’s aware that, as his partner, you know that

he still feels sorry for not being as vocal as other people when it comes to talking about his emotions??

so cute terms like these are a simple way he can show his appreciation for you

for some reason, i think he would really like using diminutives??

he’d call you things like little star

or baby or lovebug

i think it really matches his vibe ngl

listen to this while reading!

The breeze blew warm announcing the coming of summer's hottest days. The aroma of the tall grasses were an intoxicating perfume and the starry night above was a painting more sublime than any man could create. The clarity above became reflected in your mind.

Being with Albedo meant putting up with the unholy amount of hours he’d spend on whatever research he’d be conducting at the time. And luckily for you, his next big discovery involved the stars. On the black sky above you, there were a multitude of stars and there were lighter patches, clusters of faint and bold light, the constellations altered according to the time of year. These were the same stars that greeted the ancients, the same ones that would be there in millions of years.

As you enjoyed your little midnight snack, your gaze fell upon the chief alchemist. His eyes were fixated on the landscape above him, utterly fascinated by the world’s mystic beauty. Seeing him so consumed by his studies made your heart feel warm. It was adorable to see him like this.

Your sudden yawn made both you look at each other. Albedo’s gaze was filled with compassion, and perhaps a little remorse for making you come with him so late in the night just to stare blankly at the sky.

But you knew this wasn’t such a trivial thing.

You pet the spot next to you, silently asking him to sit down with you, to which he immediately obliged. As his head found its place on your shoulder a little sad smile made its appearance on his face.

“Sorry for making you come here with me, baby.” he said, his hand drawing patterns along your thigh. “I know this isn’t your idea of quality time.”

“Any time spent with you is quality time, silly.” you giggled, kissing the top of his head. “And besides, who doesn’t enjoy a little bit of stargazing?”

♡༚࿐ 🇻‌🇪‌🇳‌🇹‌🇮‌

ok now for venti

i feel like with him the tone he uses is very important??

i mean this also applies to the rest of the guys

but for venti even more so

he could simply refer to you by your name and it would still feel all special and bubbly

nonetheless, he loves using pet names!

i mean as a bard, he can come up with poems and such on a whim ( flashback to the signora moment :) )

so his nicknames for you always have a certain meaning or funny story behind them

oh, you love pumpkins or had an unfortunate accident involving one? now he calls you pumpkin all the time

he’d also call you things like sunshine because to him you bring so much joy and you warm his heart just like the sun.

with that being said, good luck to those pulling for him! <3

listen to this while reading!

“There you go! You’re really good at this!” Venti complimented you, observing in great detail the way your fingers touched the strings of his lyre.

Judging by the curious stares and even odd looks you’d get from time to time, that wasn’t really the case. What was supposed to be a simple walk around the city turned out to be a full concert. Although Venti couldn’t find it in his heart to tell you, who asked him so eagerly just a few moments ago if he could teach how to play a song, just how… Poor was your attempt.

A relieved sigh could be heard the moment your fingers left the strings, although Venti’s reassuring smile never left his face. “Don’t let a few strangers discourage you! Even the greatest geniuses had to start somewhere!”

“Are you saying I’m a genius?” you asked teasingly with a raised eyebrow, laughing at his flustered face.

“Let’s not go that far…” he murmured, winking cheekily.

“And here I was, thinking I could wow you with my insane musical skills…” you whined sarcastically, handing him his lyre as you continued your stroll. It was then Venti stopped in his tracks. Upon his face, shock was written all over, his expression soon turning sympathetic. For a moment, he left you alone, diving into the crowd of people, only to return to you with a single cecilia flower. Its fragrance was sweet and fresh and its color a perfect white. Shortly after, he gently placed it behind your ear, smiling to himself while looking at you.

“You don’t need fancy tricks to win over what you already have,” Venti said, kissing your cheek lightly. A cheerful tune could be heard across the street, Venti’s soft melody attracting a lot of attention, “I’m all yours, sunshine.” he said loud enough for more than a few people to hear.

He has such a way with words, doesn’t he?

#genshin impact #genshin imagines #genshin x reader #soft hours #fluff #genshin xiao #genshin Childe #genshin diluc #genshin headcanons #genshin zhongli #genshin kaeya #genshin albedo #genshin venti #genshin one shots #i’m sorry kaeya stans #i love him but i deadass cant take him seriously 😭😭#kaeya supremacy nonetheless

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wavesmp3 · 3 years

Text

before the bucket falls

jeonghan x (female) reader

requested from sensory prompt #33: the feel of fingertips trailing over a bare shoulder blade genre: study abroad/university au + apocalyptic-ish wc: 4k warnings: implied nudity i guess, maybe a few curses as well a/n: i apologize that this took me ages to finish, also the bucket list is completed out of order, enjoy!!

(0. Hear That There’s A Week Until The End Of The World)

You hadn’t expected to be so nonchalant when you hear that the world is ending in a week. Hadn’t expected to so readily accept you and your classmates inability to return home from studying abroad for the semester. And you certainly hadn’t expected to sit down with Jeonghan that afternoon (an acquaintance-made-friend in the whirlwind of apocalypse news) to create a list of things to do before the world ends.

“We’ll start tomorrow,” he declares scribbling one final item on the bucket list before folding the paper and shoving it in his pocket, “and hopefully we finish before the world goes up in flames.”

(6. Bang On The Hood Of A Car And Say ‘Hey, I’m Walking Here!’)

Your first day before the end of the world begins with you and Jeonghan searching for a car.

“This one is...” Jeonghan frowns, rereading the sixth item on the bucket list. Looking up, he says, “it was your idea wasn’t it?”

“Yes. Now, get in the car and pretend to almost run me over.”

Jeonghan complies, starting the car and driving towards you all too slowly. Still, when he gets close enough, you bang on the hood of the car, half-laughing and half-yelling “hey, I’m walking here!” He only laughs at you incredulously.

You switch after that, you in the car and Jeonghan walking across the street. And this time, when you get close to his figure instead of banging on the hood, you hear a small thud and watch him fall to the floor. You run out of the car shrieking his name only to find him on the ground laughing.

“I thought-” you exhale, breath hot with a mix of shock and relief, “I thought I actually hit you.”

Jeonghan doesn’t say a word too busy literally rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach in laughter. And when you shove him, kneeling on the ground and smacking his arm for freaking you out, he only laughs harder.

(3. Steal Something)

Unsurprisingly, number three on the list is Jeonghan’s idea. You don’t argue, not at first at least. But when you step into the convenience store and begin shoving bags of chips under your shirt and bottles of soda into your bag, you start to feel the small push of your consciousness.

“Is this a good idea?” You say to Jeonghan who’s deciding which kinds of candy he wants to hide in his pockets.

“There’s no one even here.” He waves you off pointing at the empty cash register. “So honestly I’m not even convinced if this counts as completing number three.” Deciding on a chocolate bar, he turns on his heel, grabs an extra bottle of juice, and exits the store casually.

(11. Perform Three Acts Of Kindness)

You leave some money at the unmanned cash register anyways. “Number eleven,” you say to him when he gives you a look, “it can be our first act of kindness.” He stares at you for a long moment, as if deciding how he should react to your inability to shoplift. You half expect him to walk back into the empty store and take your money from the counter. He doesn’t though. Instead, he smiles, a lopsided one that makes some part of your stomach twist uncomfortably, and laughs towards the ground, his head hanging in a way that makes his bangs fall in front of his eyes. You feel suddenly, almost foolishly, warm.

“Come,” he beckons, pulling at your sleeve, “let’s eat.”

(10. Eat The Perfect Meal)

The perfect meal isn’t actually perfect, an odd mix of convenience store snacks and whatever you both had left in your dorms.

“We should have cooked something ourselves,” Jeonghan mumbles, between a mouthful of chips, “the perfect meal has to be made with love.”

“It also has to be edible,” you retort, sipping your coffee and recalling your earlier realization that neither you or Jeonghan can cook.

And it’s after a few more moments of eating away the tenth item on your shared bucket list that he asks, “how do you think it’ll happen?” You look up from your fruit cup. “How do you think the world is gonna end?”

“I don’t know,” you answer, “something big perhaps. An explosion?”

“Or Zombies?” he continues for you, light-heartedly. “Aliens, maybe?”

And perhaps two days ago, you would’ve laughed at the possibility of the world coming to an end thanks to an alien invasion, but right now, sitting next to Jeonghan with yesterday’s headlines bouncing back and forth in your head, you don’t feel anything but melancholic. And like feet sinking into sand, you realize for the second time since the news came out that you have less than a week left to live. With a hopeless sigh, you say, “I hope that when the world ends, it’s painless.”

And unlike his previous suggestions, there’s nothing light-hearted about the way Jeonghan adds, “something quick.”

(4. Sing A Song Loudly In Public)

You had wrongly assumed that this particular bucket list item was meant to be a fun and embarrassing karaoke in public sort of thing. But when Jeonghan stands on the ledge of the fountain in the center of the plaza and begins singing, you realize you've created a bucket list with an angel. Or at least, a boy with the voice of one. The plaza isn’t very busy this afternoon, but the few passersby that happen to catch his mini concert erupt in a well-earned applause when the song finishes.

“You can sing?” You question in disbelief of just how good his voice sounds.

He shrugs at that, jumping off the ledge in a shy sort of way that doesn’t at all match the kind of guy you pegged Jeonghan to be. “Your turn.” He pushes you towards the ledge.

You almost fight against the nudge, almost turn around and tell Jeonghan just how tone deaf you are. But when he smiles your way and cheers your name encouragingly, you decide the embarrassment might be worth it.

It’s not, it turns out. The entire plaza seems to murmur ‘why is she singing?’ the second you open your mouth. And it’s before you even reach the second verse that Jeonghan starts clapping and whooping for you. “Wow!” He exclaims cheerfully. “You suck.”

You burst into laughter at that, cut your song short, and jump off the ledge grabbing Jeonghan’s hand and running away from the embarrassment with him close behind.

—

“Where’d you learn how to sing like that?” You finally ask, later than afternoon as you and Jeonghan aimlessly walk along the street.

He shrugs again, a familiar timidness overwhelming his body, then tells you about the singing lessons he used to take. “It used to be my dream. To become a singer.”

“Used to?”

He sucks in his bottom lip. “Things changed I guess.”

You decide not to prod further. “If you could do anything right now, right before the world ends, what would you do?”

“Anything?”

“Anything.”

He thinks it over for a moment, tongue poking at the inside of his cheek. “Hold a concert.” He answers finally. And when you give him a look, a reminder of what he said about things changing, he just smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and mutters something about how dreams die hard. And for the third time today, you’re surprised by how shy Jeonghan gets about his singing and how endearing you find it when he does.

“What about you?” He returns this question, pushing the attention away from himself. “What would you do?”

“I’d go home.” You say quietly, hoping the press of sadness that comes with thinking about home doesn’t show in your voice. “See my family once more before the world ends.” And when Jeonghan doesn’t respond or meet your eyes, you laugh, unable to procure a more creative reaction. “It’s kinda lame, isn’t it?”

“‘No, no.” He says quickly, waving away the suggestion before the words can even settle in the air. “It’s not lame; it’s…” his voice trails off, fingers reaching out in front of him as if he’ll find the right words in the last remaining rays from the sun. His hand drops to the side. Seemingly, giving up on the previous sentence, he says, “Tell me about them. Your family.”

You’re about to say no. About to change the topic to something a bit lighter. Something that doesn’t force you to think about home and the people that you miss so fiercely and long to see once more. But it’s as the word ‘no’ bubbles in the back of your throat, that you meet Jeonghan’s eyes and find a starling amount of sincerity in them. And when you go looking for your intent to reject the request, you find it’s disappeared altogether. “Okay.” You exhale. “Where should I begin?”

And so you spend the rest of the day telling Jeonghan about your family, and by the time the sun begins to set, he tells you about his.

(12. Say Goodbye To Your Family)

You both decide it’s better to get this part of the list over with. Pulling out your phones and dialing home soon after the sun sets. It’s an odd sort of arrangement, you think to yourself listening to the phone ring, you and Jeonghan sitting on opposite sides of this empty street. “Privacy,” he had told you, walking away from you and taking a seat on the curb, “this way you can cry in private.”

It’s… bearable at first. You talk to your family, update them on what you’ve been doing since your last call home as if everything is normal, as if they’re expecting another update soon, as if the world isn’t ending in a few days. But the facade that everything is fine comes crashing down the second you hear a noise come from the other side of the road, a mangled sound that rushes all the way from Jeonghan’s mouth to you, banging at your heart and creating a dent between your lungs. And you suppose that if you were a little bit closer and if Jeonghan hadn’t turned around to put his back between him and you, you would’ve heard him sobbing. The thought alone ignites a flame of sadness that emerges from your lips, travels through the phone lines, and ripples across the ocean separating you and your family.

Saying goodbye to your family does not stay bearable for long.

He finishes the call before you. And when you do finally hang up, it takes ten minutes of calming down before you're in any state to walk across the road and greet Jeonghan for what feels like the first time that night.

“Can we, uh,” you stop, sniffle, then laugh at the absurdity of this moment, “can we stop here for today.”

“Yeah,” he mutters, finally standing from the floor. He doesn’t look your way, keeps his eyes trained to the ground while bringing a hand up to wipe at his nose and eyes. “I’ll walk you home.”

(5. Wish Upon A Star)

Sleep doesn’t come that night. You spend it tossing and turning in bed, replaying every bit of what was probably your last conversation with your family. At 2 am there’s a knock on your door. Jeonghan stands in the doorway, eyes drooping and blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

“Yeah,” you say, opening the door and letting him in, “I can’t sleep either.”

After another moment, he finally says, “have you ever been to the roof?”

You let him lead the way.

—

The night air feels cool against your skin, brushing through your hair and sending a shiver across your skin. You pull your hoodie closer around you before laying down on the roof next to Jeonghan who throws his blanket so that it drapes over both of you.

“Which one for number five?” He says gesturing to the starry night sky.

“Number five?”

“Wish upon a star.” He reminds you.

You lift your hand and point to one off the center, a bright one that flickers more than the others. “That one.”

“Okay,” he exhales. You watch the breath leave from his lips. “Make a wish.”

You do.

“Which star do you think is gonna blow up and cause the end of the world?” He asks, shifting his body and ending up a fraction closer to you.

“Give me a crash course on all of them and I’ll let you know.”

He does, making up constellations and creating fake names for each one.

And at some point in his explanation of the origin of each star, his hand finds yours. The cold seems to wither away after that.

(1. Ride A Motorcycle)

“Are you sure you know how to ride this thing.” You question for the fifth time that morning, pacing around the moped and Jeonghan who’s sitting impatiently on it.

“Just get on would you?” He huffs, dropping the extra helmet on your head and pulling you towards the moped. You settle behind him, fixing your helmet and clasping it in place. “You know how to get to the beach right?”

“Yeah, but we just need to make a pit stop somewhere first.”

“That’s fine. Grab on.”

Ignoring the unevenness of your breath, you wrap your arms around his torso. You try not to think too hard about the way he momentarily tenses up when you do.

“Ready?”

“Please, don’t kill me on this thing. We’re all dying in a few days-” He doesn’t let you finish, revving the motorcycle and laughing when you scream into his shoulder.

(11. Perform Three Acts of Kindness)

“What are we here for?” Jeonghan wonders aloud, his voice echoing in the auditorium.

“Number 11. Our second act of kindness.” He looks at your quizzingly. “Yesterday you said that if you could do anything before the end of the world, you’d have your own concert. So here,” you hand him a mic and point at the empty stage, “go sing.”

You’ve never seen him run so excitedly.

(3. Steal Something)

When Jeonghan wrote down ‘steal something’, you definitely hadn’t expected him to coerce you into stealing a house. “This isn’t even stealing. This is trespassing.” You hiss under your breath, looking over your shoulder. “Plus, we already stole from the convenience store.”

“Firstly,” Jeonghan begins, finding an unlocked window to the beach house and cracking the adjacent door open, “you paid the store so that definitely didn’t count. Secondly, trespassing is basically just stealing space. And lastly,” he announces turning around and waving to the open beach house, “this place is gorgeous and free.”

You peer inside the house and--shit, it is gorgeous. “Fine.” You relent taking a step inside the house. He smiles triumphantly.

“Come on,” he grabs your hand as soon as you set your things down and starts pulling you towards the beach, “time for number two.”

(2. Send A Message In A Bottle)

“Who should we write to?”

“A friend?”

“An ex?” He grimaces at the suggestion.

“How about ourselves 10 years ago.”

You consider it. “Or what about,” you start tapping a finger against your chin, “ourselves 10 years from now.” He gives you a wary look. “Just in case this whole thing turns out to be a hoax.”

“Do you believe that?” he asks quietly.

You bite your lip. “Not really, no.”

“To myself,” Jeonghan scribbles on the paper, “ten years from now.”

And when you're both done with the letters, you fit them inside empty beer bottles and let the waves take them.

Inhaling the salty ocean scent, you watch the bottles float.

“This moment would feel a lot better if I didn’t feel like we just made marine pollution worse.”

(9. Go Skinny Dipping)

The water is freezing, cold against your bare skin and lapping by your shivering mouth.

“It’s not that cold.” Jeonghan laughs, splashing sea water in your face.

You splash him back. “For you maybe.”

“Tell me a secret.” He says suddenly, stopping and treading the water in front of you.

You think for a minute before answering. “I really like it when you sing.”

“That’s not a secret; it’s a confession.” He complains, flapping his hands in the water. With a teasing smirk, he adds, “next you’ll confess your undying love for me as well.”

You laugh, sort of, swallowing salt water in the movement and choking on the sudden intake.

Clearing your throat, you say, “give me an example of a good secret then.”

“Okay,” he hums, biting his lip and swimming closer towards you until your knees awkwardly bump into each other. You swallow at the proximity. “I’ve never been in love.”

“Never?”

He shakes his head. “Have you?”

“Once.” Something in your stomach turns. “Or at least I thought I was in love.”

“And what do you think now?”

You meet his eyes. They look strangely hopeful. “Now, I’m not so sure.”

His hand comes up, fingers trailing over your shoulder blade and lingering right above your collarbone. You shiver.

“Still cold?” He whispers.

No, you think, but your head nods ‘yes’ before the word comes out.

He swims back to shore. And soon after, you follow.

(13. Fall In Love)

You finish showering before Jeonghan, coming down the stairs of your stolen beach house and taking a seat on the stolen (but comfortable) couch. You look for the bucket list to cross out skinny dipping for him. And when you find the folded list in a pocket of Jeonghan’s bag, you realize that this is your first time seeing it since the night of its creation. You read over it carefully.

1. ride a motorcycle 2. send a message in a bottle 3. steal something 4. sing a song loudly in public 5. wish upon a star 6. bang on the hood of a car and say ‘hey, i’m walking here!’ 7. watch the sunrise 8. watch the sunset 9. go skinny dipping 10. eat the perfect meal 11. perform three acts of kindness 12. say goodbye to our families

And under the twelve that you and Jeonghan made together is another, additional bucket list item. Written in a different color pen and in his messy handwriting is:

13. get her to fall in love with me

“That shower felt so good.” Jeonghan’s voice comes traveling down the stairs. “I found sand in-” he stops, halts at the end of the banister upon seeing the paper between your hands.

“What do you mean ‘get her to fall in love with me’?” You gulp, holding up the list.

“Oh, that,” he laughs, awkwardly, slowly walking towards you, then stopping halfway as if he’s made a mistake, “I added it after you left that night. And, well, yeah.”

You stand up and go to him, meeting him halfway across the living room. “Jeonghan I-” you lose grasp of what you’re going to say next and elect to stare at him instead, studying the drop of water that falls from a strand of hair to his face. Decide instead to study the flutter of his lashes and the way his gaze darts between your eyes and your lips. He inhales. “Oh, fuck it.” you mutter finally, grabbing the collar of his tshirt and kissing him.

It takes a second for Jeonghan to react, too long your brain convinces you already beginning to pull your face away. But it’s as your lips leave his, that they crash together again, him pulling at your hips stumbling backwards until you knock your head against the wall, bodies flush. You wrap your arms around his neck, tangle your fingers through his wet hair. There’s a moan, you can’t be sure which one of you it comes from, but the sound of it has you feeling weak somewhere, everywhere.

“Upstairs,” you pant, when he pulls away for the smallest of seconds.

“Are you,” he pauses, lips hovering in front of yours and breath heavy against your skin, “are you sure?”

“Yeah,” you smile, noticing the flush in his face, glad he's just as affected, “I mean it’s on the bucket list.”

Jeonghan happily complies.

(7. Watch The Sunrise)

You both watch it in bed, from a window that seems to capture it perfectly.

“It’s pretty,” he states, holding a hand up in a straggling ray and watching it turn gold in the light.

“Only a few more left.”

(8. Watch The Sunset)

You watch it on the beach with a stolen towel from the stolen house under you. It’s beautiful really. A mesh of blues, pinks, orange, and purple.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a sunset like this one,” you say inhaling the salty scent of the sea that lingers on your arms and legs and hands.

Jeonghan hums, absentmindedly enough for you to turn around to look at him laying on his back and playing with a loose strand from your hoodie instead.

“We can’t cross it off if you don’t actually watch it.” You tell him, finding his hand in yours and pressing a kiss to the back of it.

He shrugs. “I’ve seen enough sunsets.”

(11. Perform Three Acts Of Kindness)

“Last item,” Jeonghan murmurs one day, settling into bed next to you, “one final act of kindness.”

You poke at his chest. “What do you have planned for it?”

“This.” He says, pulling out a small slip of paper. You sit up. “I bought you a ticket.”

It takes you longer than it should to realize it’s a plane ticket home.

“How and when did you…” your voice drops away, the logical questions slipping off your tongue when you make a new realization. “There’s only one ticket.”

“Listen,” he starts, turning to face you properly. “I think you should take it.”

“No,” you refuse, shaking your head. He takes your face between your palms forcing you to stop and pay attention.

“Go home and see your family. That’s what you told me you’d do before the world ends.” He hesitates, releasing your face and taking your hands in his. Something feels entirely wrong when he starts to rub small circles into the back of them. “You only have a few days left. So go home. Say goodbye to me instead.”

“Things change,” you say a little too harshly, regurgitating what he told you earlier this week. “And I don’t know if I can go anymore.” You sputter out just barely, voice feeling suddenly course against your vocal chords, but what you mean to say is: I don’t know if I can go without you. “And besides,” you stress, putting the ticket back in his lap, “you can’t make me go.”

“Don’t you see,” he chuckles, a small, quiet sound that has no business making you feel as warm as it does, “I’m not making you go,” he meets your eyes again, and for some reason, you can’t seem to shake the feeling that this is the last time you’ll see them like this, “I’m asking you to.”

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kafka-ish · 4 years

Text

jealousy is a disease, get well soon | r.t.

richie gets a new girlfriend. she’s smart, popular, and pretty. but where does that leave y/n?

word count: 4,657

warnings/included: nsfw (smut, public sex), cliffhanger, kinda angsty, fem!reader

request: (from anonymous) “jealous richie tozier x reader smut?”

a/n: i feel like richie is ooc in this one but lmk what you think

Three months, eight days, and six hours. It had been three months, eight days, and six antagonizing hours since Richie Tozier started dating Vicki Horowitz.

At first, it wasn’t so bad. Richie would still make his usual appearance at the lunch table with the Losers. He’d crack his usual jokes, then be on his way. He’d still walk with y/n to the library after school and he’d still make googly eyes at the cheerleaders who frequented the young adult section and hadn’t bothered to change from their uniforms yet.

But as the days got shorter and the timeline of Richie’s relationship got longer, something changed. Richie’s mouth became less trashy. He found the way his hairline was supposed to part. And along the way, the graphic tees he wore were now button-ups in a solid shade.

“What are you thinking about?” y/n asked. The question wasn’t foreign to Richie, but his answer was new to her ears.

They were sitting in the school library, as opposed to the public one they’d usually go to. Richie’s head rested in her lap; his mess of hair strewn all over the skirt of y/n’s dress—but she didn’t mind. He was sneaking a smoke even though there were no windows and offered her one of his cigs even though he knew becoming one step closer to death wasn’t something y/n was particularly fond of.

y/n accepted the cigarette anyway. She didn’t light it but tucked it behind her ear for safekeeping—a souvenir. Because this was the first time they’d hung out in weeks. Just the two of them; skipping their lunch period in an empty library because who even reads anymore?

“Nothin’ I really wanna tell you about, kid.” Richie stopped calling y/n sweetheart and babe long ago. Icky Vicki—a name y/n came up with without Richie’s knowledge—had requested she be the only babe or sweetheart in his life. And that’s how it was so on and so forth.

The heart beating in y/n’s chest grew increasingly louder because Richie used to tell her everything. Her hand left his scalp which she was once massaging under the tangles that were somehow still soft and lush. His eyebrows furrowed when she started to pull away from him.

“You’re disgusting, Tozier.” y/n then realized she didn’t have to ask Richie what he was thinking about. He was thinking about his girlfriend and the nights they’d shared on multiple occasions.

“What did I do?” He was now sitting up and facing his friend. Could he even call her a friend anymore? When was the last time they hung out? Richie stomped out his half-smoked Marlboro on the rug of the library, not caring that it would leave a mark, with the brand-new sneakers Vicki bought for him. His hands dug around in the front pocket of his jeans, searching for the Altoids container he kept on him at all times. Cinnamon. He downed half the box, the same way you’d chug a beer at a frat party because I hate it when you smoke, Rich echoed in his ears everytime he contemplated the pack of Marlboros that burned a hole in his other pocket.

y/n didn’t say anything. She got up, smoothed out her dress where Richie had left wrinkles, and stalked off.

It wasn’t like y/n to be jealous. When Bill got his first girlfriend, she jumped for joy and asked for her contact info so they could have sleepovers and give each other makeovers. When Mike started flirting with the new girl who moved into the plot of land next to his, y/n didn’t bat an eye.

So what was different this time?

y/n didn’t waste her precious time thinking about it. As much as she wanted to, she didn’t let Richie Tozier consume her thoughts, at least not consciously, during her restless nights and grey days. She assumed it wasn’t worth it to let Richie and his icky girlfriend get the best of her. Because that would mean they won.

The two hadn’t hung out since then.

They weren’t in a fight, but they weren’t on each other’s good sides. Necessarily.

Richie opted to spend the rest of the week with Vicki and y/n managed to get by the way she usually had for the past three months.

“Maybe you’re jealous?” Beverly offered. y/n found herself spending a lot more time with Bev now that she marked out Richie’s name with a red marker from her list of friends.

y/n scoffed and handed Beverly her right hand for her to paint. Jealous? That’s absurd. She admired her newly painted left hand. The dark green color surprisingly complimented her undertones perfectly.

“Why would I be jealous?” y/n couldn’t bring herself to look at her friend. She didn’t want her eyes to give away a reality she wasn’t ready to face, and she didn’t want to find a look in Beverly’s that only confirmed what she was suggesting.

“Oh, come on.” Beverly’s head threw back—a sign that she was becoming annoyed with her friend’s stubbornness and groaned. “Put two and two together. You and Richie used to spend every day together.” Her hands left y/n’s to make a sort of sandwiching motion. “Now you don’t.” They spread apart. Beverly shrugged nonchalantly as y/n started to realize something it seemed everyone already knew.

“I can’t believe you think I’m jealous of Richie.” Was all y/n could bring herself to say. But her thoughts wandered exactly where Beverly predicted.

To Richie Tozier, who was expectedly hanging out with one Vicki Horowitz. They were walking the cement of the strip mall. It was something Vicki did often, even before she had a boyfriend, and something Richie did often now that Vicki had attached himself to her like a dog on a leash.

“What do you think about that dress?” Vicki stopped outside of a small boutique. Her feet were planted firmly on the ground and her right arm was linked with Richie’s left while her free hand pointed to a small, black dress that allowed for practically no breathing space.

“’S cool,” Richie said with no sign of interest. He’d sworn they passed that dress three times by now and the pavement under his feet felt like the entryway to Satan’s humble abode.

“Cool?” Richie didn’t notice his girlfriend’s trimmed eyebrow shoot up in disbelief at the boy whose arm she held onto. “Well, what do you think of the dress on me?” Her voice dipped an octave lower and her eyes had that knowing look they always did before she was about to take a standardized test. Or when they were about to do it. Maybe that’s how Vicki roped Richie into this relationship.

Four months ago, Richie would have never thought of dating Vicki Horowitz. Not because she was out of his league. Every girl was out of his league, according to the dopes he called friends. But Richie never thought about batting an eye in Vicki Horowtiz’s direction. She was a governor’s scholar and the school’s class president ever since 1990. She was also a member of the same student council y/n was on, but to think he could score both of them would be a page from a fairytale.

It was a fairytale the day Vicki Horowitz had come up to him and the Losers at lunch, asking if she could have a word with him, no not you, him.

“What’s cookin, good-lookin’?” And Richie scolded himself for those being the first words spoken to the Vicki Horowitz.

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Her blazing blue eyes rolled playfully, and Richie smiled because the only other time a girl had called him anything remotely close to cute was when y/n straightened out his collar and fluffed up his hair at homecoming. Don’t you clean up nice. “I want you to go out with me.”

“What sorta charity case are you workin’ here, hot stuff?” In Richie’s mind, he had every right to be incredulous. Girls didn’t ask him out. Girls didn’t even say yes when he asked them out.

And maybe it was a charity case when, a month in, Vicki had convinced Richie to iron his jeans and wear shirts that were only one color. Maybe it was a charity case when Richie found himself eating lunch with Vicki’s group of friends instead of his—talking about scholarship programs and studying abroad instead of the new werewolf movie that somehow scared the cripes out of him and when Batman’s new comic issue would be released. Maybe it was a charity case when Richie no longer used words like fuck and shit and began popping mints like they were drugs because Vicki wouldn’t let him smoke around her.

His white lace-ups kicked mindlessly at the sidewalk he stood at. He pondered the question even though there wasn’t much to ponder about. “Then I’d say that dress just got hot,” Richie smirked, and Vicki slapped him in the side.

Of course, you would were the words he expected to hear. But as much as Richie wanted her to be, Vicki wasn’t y/n and instead said, “Did you go over the vocab packet I slipped in your locker?

“I got it.” Richie’s free hand took residence in his pocket. He felt around for the box of Marlboros there and wondered if he should light one in front of her. Three months—almost four, he’d been in this relationship, and ever since a month ago he was beginning to think it was one-sided. “I, uh, didn’t get the chance to go over it.” He coughed and looked down at her, not expecting to see her eyes burning through his.

“You smell like cinnamon,” Vicki said. Her gaze softened but Richie wasn’t impressed. What was it about her? Was it her who changed, or him? Richie’s mind couldn’t wander any further—his thoughts sliced by Vicki’s voice. “What’s up with you?” She wasn’t usually the concerned type, but Richie knew she was being genuine when her eyes started hopelessly searching his.

“I’m tired,” Richie lied. “Y’know, we’ve been walkin’ so much. Ye ole feet need a rest.” Richie laughed but Vicki didn’t. She didn’t usually find him funny. She didn’t usually find anything funny except for small dogs in purses and grammatical mistakes.

“You could’ve just said so.” It was one of the few times she let up, but she was good. She was good at a lot of things, actually.

Vicki drove him home in silence. It wasn’t a talking kind of day and the radio was left untouched since neither of them could agree on a music station.

“Call me.” Were her last words to him before he stepped out of her daddy’s Mercedes.

Richie didn’t say anything. He stepped inside his house, his back slumped against the front door as he finished his thoughts from earlier that day in the comfort of his own home.

Why, out of everyone in Derry, would Vicki Horowitz choose to date someone like Richie Tozier? Of course, he’d be an idiot—which he wasn’t (that’s debatable)—to pass up an opportunity to go out with someone as eclectic as her. His thoughts betrayed him, finding their way to Vicki’s long, blonde hair and always rosy cheeks.

Obviously, he’d miss her if he broke things off between them. But there was something else that twisted his gut, telling him to do so.

And Richie always trusted his gut. He’d trust it if it told him to pick C on his math test or if it told him to jump off the golden gate bridge.

It was Monday, in the corner behind Derry High where everyone smoked, where the breakup took place. Richie had the decency to break it off somewhere private and Vicki had the decency to not cry or beg him to stay.

“Hey.” Richie’s voice was soft. His back stabilized by the bricks behind him and Vicki didn’t need to question what this was about.

“Hi.” Her tone held the same solemnness as his. “The least you could do was invite me somewhere nicer to break up with me.” It was the only time Richie laughed at one of her jokes and the last time he would. And though he wanted to, Richie couldn’t be surprised that Vicki already knew what he called her over for. She was a smart girl with a smart mouth to match.

“You know?” He stood up straight and took a drag from his cigarette.

“If you weren’t smoking, I would’ve thought otherwise,” Vicki said truthfully. Just then, a flood of students burst through the doors of Derry High. School was out. “I’m not fond of it, but I’m not going to hold you back.”

Richie wanted to scoff. He thought of the one afternoon when Vicki spent an hour combing through his hair, so the strands laid straight and naturally began to part to the side. He thought of how she scolded his unhealthy use of recreational drugs to the point he had to live a double life. He thought of how his time was no longer spent with his friends, but with her.

I’m not going to hold you back my ass.

But this was no time to argue.

Richie put out the cigarette, barely smoked, and walked away. Away from button-up shirts. Away from vocabulary packets and the debate of the use ‘impact’ in place of ‘effect’. Away from Vicki.

His rough footsteps hit the ground under him with a thump. Richie knew exactly where he was going. And maybe it was wrong that his first instinct was to cross the path of a certain someone after he had just called things off with his girlfriend—ex-girlfriend. But maybe Richie didn’t care.

It took him approximately ten minutes to walk to the Derry Public Library and approximately two minutes for an indescribable feeling to tear through his stomach. His feet lurched forward, but Richie steadied himself by reaching for one of the wooden shelves of the bookcase he stood behind.

It was y/n. As he expected, she was sitting at one of the desks. But her nose wasn’t stuck in her chem book, cramming for tomorrow’s test. It was pointed towards Matt Brimmer, upturned, along with her crinkled eyes and dazed smile. Was Matt Brimmer really that funny?

Richie knew he could make her smile like that. He knew he could make her smile even wider. So, he didn’t know why he was having seconds thoughts right now. The other voices in his head, telling him how inferior he was to so-called Matt Brimmer. Matt Brimmer on the football team. Matt Brimmer with the golden hair. Matt Brimmer the golden boy.

Everyone knew who Matthew Brimmer was; it’d be a crime not to. Although he wasn’t the Quarterback, he was the main reason Derry High’s football team got any of the wins they had. He wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but his prince charming smile and locks that reminded Richie of that Rapunzel story made up for it. He got by.

Richie had two options. He could go home and feel sorry for himself or he could wait for y/n and confront her after her study session. Was what they were doing even considered studying?

He opted for the second since he had already spent enough time feeling sorry for himself. And one dreadful hour later of mindlessly picking at his shoe and flipping through various pages of children’s books, Richie caught y/n alone, about to leave the already dark library.

The lights were dimmed, and the sun outside had already set. There was no sign of the librarian or her volunteers when y/n’s worn in high-tops came into his eyeline. He was sitting cross-legged, with a book in his lap. But his mind wasn’t on the pages.

Richie’s doe eyes widened under his magnifying lenses when they trailed up the skin of his friend’s bare legs that had stopped in their tracks. y/n was wearing a denim mini skirt in the middle of winter and how she hadn’t attracted goosebumps yet was a question he’d save for later.

“H-hey!” Richie bounced to his feet, standing at his full height.

“Hi.” y/n eyed him skeptically. She was holding a book in one hand. Her other hand was attached to the strap of her backpack.

“I saw you with Matt,” Richie blurted out. His own words surprised him because although he wasn’t shy—far from it—he wasn’t confrontational either. No. That was Bill. Bill would be the type to ask about the guy you had just got done cuddling with at the football game even though he was your boyfriend. But y/n and Richie weren’t dating, and Richie didn’t like her like that. Did he?

“Okay.” Was all y/n said. Her face was blank, void of any emotion. A sign. And her eyes bore into his, the way a police car’s emergency lights catch you when you’re speeding.

She was about to leave, probably to return her book, until Richie’s hand coiled around her wrist.

“What?” The irritableness in y/n’s tone became slightly more palatable. The one word struck Richie’s core and the voice in his head telling him telling him that this would be a good idea was now making its retreat.

“Matt Brimmer, eh?”

“Please.” Her expression grew more disgusted by the second; eyebrows raised; lips puckered as if she had just sucked the life out of a lemon. “You’re the last person who gets to commentate on my love life.”

Richie’s heart panged at the last words. Love life. If this were true—if y/n were dating Matt Brimmer—Richie quite literally wouldn’t know what to do with himself. His face didn’t show it, but right now, he was a guest at his funeral. Everyone was wearing black except him and Stan was giving the eulogy.

Only Richie would do what Richie did next. It was an awful act of…whatever because this newfound feeling in his chest was too much for him to take. Both of his hands cupped either side of her cheeks which were now hot, but not from embarrassment. He dove in for a kiss, both of his lips capturing her bottom one. The quietest moan rolled off her tongue, but before any more noises could be made, she pulled away.

“You have a girlfriend,” y/n said, as much as she didn’t want to. “and I’m—”

“Yeah, yeah. You’re with Wonderboy.” Richie heaved out a sigh loud enough for y/n to forget what had just happened moments ago and raise her eyebrows, only to ask what’s wrong. In fact, she did oh so conveniently forget about his actions from earlier, and her right eyebrow quirked.

“What are you thinking about?” She asked and Richie didn’t realize how much he missed that question until now. How much he missed her.

The color in his eyes seemed to darken—like they were hooded by a shadow—and she was sure it wasn’t the doing of the lack of lighting in the room.

But Richie didn’t reply. His lips trailed back to hers again. The two melded into each other like iron being welded. This time y/n didn’t pull away. She lingered long enough to taste the cigarette he’d hardly smoked earlier and mints he didn’t swallow whole this time.

It was Richie who broke the kiss, only to press one onto her neck. The tip of his pointed nose tickled as it grazed the skin of her cheekbone and his chapped lips felt new and exciting when they left kisses below her ear.

“Richie.” y/n would be ashamed to admit this was something she’d been waiting for. That this very moment was a scene from her dreams that she hadn’t got the proper amount of time to explore because she’d awoken before the climax.

“You’ll have to be quiet, doll,” Richie mumbled against her skin. y/n could’ve fainted right then and there, but she refrained; wanting to experience this moment fully conscious. His fingers found their way to her side, gripping the fabric of her white mock neck casually as if this were something they’d done hundreds of times before. There was something about the way he handled her that made y/n insecure. Just knowing he had practiced these types of moves on girls before her had sparked a light in the pit of darkness that was her stomach. Her hands flew to his cheeks. The pad of her thumbs ran across his pale skin now blossoming pink.

Richie twisted their position, backing y/n into the case of books behind her—full to the shelf. His hands ghosted their way under her top, brushing her bare midsection. It was soft but cold, even under the sweater textile. It didn’t help that his hands could substitute for ice.

y/n giggled—a sound so sweet he’d cherish ‘til the end of time. A sound he’d never heard from Vicki’s lips. Her breath, smelling of lemon lozenges, fanned his face in a hot cloud. Richie wanted more. If he had any less dignity, he’d beg for more.

It’s not like y/n wanted to giggle during this new act of intimacy between them. To be frank, she was…upset. Who was Richie Tozier to leave her hanging for a girl who wore frilly chiffon blouses on Wednesday only to wear her jeans low rise so everyone and their grandmother could see her pink lace thong peeking from them on Friday? Who was Richie Tozier to leave her hanging at all? The late nights she’d spent at the Derry Public Library alone, in hopes the certain someone she snuck glances at during their passing period and her Pre-Calculus class only left an empty feeling in her heart and a rotten aftertaste in her mind. To let Richie know he was the reason for her pleasure and the hand between her thighs at night would be letting him win.

But what’s life without a few losses?

Richie’s movements never stopped—they were quick, but enough to send sparks to the one place y/n needed attention the most. His hands traveled lower, eventually reaching the hem of her skirt that ended just four inches above the knee. Distractedly, he pinched the thick material between his thumb and index finger. The roughness of the denim somehow satisfyingly scratched the edge of his fingers—drawing him out of his trance.

He lifted her skirt—revealing y/n’s ballerina pink underwear Richie only got to see at the quarry. There was no time for them to completely undress—and if they did, it’d be far too scandalous (as if what they were doing right now wasn’t already sinful).

Richie’s head whipped away from y/n’s neck; his eyes frantically darting around the space around them, seeing if anyone was nearby. y/n’s hands once again took his face in them, directing his attention back to her. Richie smiled as soon as her features came into view: black mascara smudged on her bottom lash line and the lipstick previously on her lips found a new home on her frenulum. She was mind-blowingly good looking even in a disordered state.

His hands left her upper thigh—where he had been leaving feathery strokes. y/n presumed he was about to unbuckle his belt. But he didn’t. He stood there, silently appreciating the scene displayed before him, and also wishing they had more time or had a setup more comfortable. His hands rested at the silver clasp of his belt, daring to make a move but also frozen in time.

“What are you waiting for?” y/n sniped, and Richie’s confidence level was found through the roof; like the green health bar when you first slip a quarter into the Street Fighter machine.

Nimbly, Richie’s fingers went to undo his belt and slip off his jeans and boxers underneath. It didn’t take long for his lips to crash against hers. A bruise would be left later for memories’ sake. His tongue swiped her bottom lip, tasting birthday cake in the process.

y/n’s own hands were small, but they made an effort to run through his hair, feeling the left-over gel from yesterday and the abnormal amount of times it had been brushed through. She tugged at the roots, eliciting a groan from him that was luckily muffled by y/n’s mouth.

His hands found their original place on the curve of y/n’s hips. But first, he made quick to strip her of her undergarments. An innocent shade for a not so innocent act. Richie was fast to slip in—not giving y/n the time to adjust around him. She whimpered and he swore he could feel a tear against both of their cheeks.

“You’re dripping.” Richie didn’t address the quiet tears that rolled down the slope of her face, too concentrated on the feeling of something else rolling against him. y/n’s hips perked up, a desperate attempt to meet his; ardent and needy. He took it as a sign. His thrusts sped up, coated in her silk.

The substance shared between them was like glue holding their bodies together. Richie’s hands surprised y/n when they squeezed the back of her legs, urging her to jump up, and stabilizing her when she did. Her legs coiled around his, allowing for Richie to find a deeper spot none of her other hookups could.

“Can Matt Brimmer fuck you like this?” Despite the shivers his words sent down her spine, y/n finally knew what this was about. She had her suspicions, but his words only confirmed them.

His voice was hushed, only for her to hear, but she supposed if he screamed it no one would hear them in the seemingly vacant building.

y/n didn’t reply. She felt her eyes roll back and his hips snap in unpredictable paces against hers. It was rare—exceptional, even—that y/n found release this fast. She could blame it on the thrill of potentially getting caught. Their bodies covered yet splayed out inappropriately for anyone to walk in on. She could blame it on Richie; that she was finally attached at the hip, literally, with her lifelong best friend and not-so-guilty pleasure fuck whenever Beverly and she ran out of sleepover games. Her grip on his hair tightened as well as the walls around him. The prolonged whines she had been biting between her teeth turned into heavy pants—her breath mixing with his.

Miraculous, it was, that Richie was able to remain noiseless when he came. He stayed inside her for a second more, dwelling in the ecstasy the two had shared for as long as he could. It was only until y/n’s eyes greeted Richie’s when he pulled out and redressed his half-naked body.

She wasn’t glaring this time, but she didn’t look happy either. Usually, girls were supposed to be happy after sex. Second thoughts started to litter his mind. Richie couldn’t help but think he came short. But he was relieved when y/n spoke up.

“Can Vicki Horowitz make you feel that way?” Her skirt was now properly covering her thighs and she must’ve pulled her underwear up and Richie hadn’t noticed. y/n left him with a quick peck to the lips, smirking into it as she did. It was dominant. Possessive. The last of what Richie saw of her was the back of her now messy hair when she picked up her backpack and walked out—through the maze of books and out the glass doors.

Richie was in awe. Still in a post-orgasmic condition, his fingers ran to his neck, tracing over the newly forming blemish y/n left as a trade for the dozens he gave her. Richie stood there a few minutes more. His palm pressed against the mark only to leave so his index finger could trace his lips that a gracious residue of berry lipstick and saliva mixture tacked onto.

He’d catch her tomorrow.

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lovee-infected · 4 years

Note

May I please request headcanons of the octavinelle trio + Idia finding out their S/o is self conscious of their body?

Oh dear, all it takes is a simple contract and he can change your figure to whatever you could've wished for and this time, he would do that for an genuinely affordable price; a contract which you can actually live up to. Anything for his darling. If that what you'd wish for he would spare no effort in pleasing his beloved's needs, but there seems to be something wrong with this...,Why would you even want a change?

Your anxiety on its own gives him thoughts, mainly because that reminds him of himself. As a child he's been bullied because of his chubby figure, so he does get what it feels to dislike something about your body, but he sees no reason for you to feel the same as he did, to him you're just fine, you don't need anything.

He wonders if he's done something wrong about it because he's told you that you're beautiful and he loves you many times, but since he's gone through the same self-consciousness experiences he understands that you don't really have a word in that matter, sometimes it's hard to accept yourself as you are.

He lets you know that if you're looking for a change, he'd respect your choice and tries his best on giving you what you want, as said it's no more than a simple contract with him; he's capable of way greater things that you can't even imagine. Doesn't matter you decide on doing it or not because he's still here to tell you that you're beautiful everyday.

Even as it may be hard to gain confidence over your body Azul wants you to know to see that he'd love you nonetheless, no matter how you look or what you wear, he loves you and it's all that matters. He has falle in love with you, all of you, that's all it takes for him to love your appearance and body as well.

To be honest, it lowkey surprises him to know that you're self-conscious of your body. To him, you've got a pretty strong and well-developed personality which he appreciates, and your body on the other hand wasn't ever a matter either. He isn't one to judge though, perhaps surface standards are pretty different from underwater ones; but to him at least your shape is just fine, adding your wonderful attitude and unique personality to it, you're an absolutely gorgeous being.

Humans can't be quite self critical, can't they? Well in that case he shall lead you to being more acceptive toward your body.

If he needs you to believe that your body is beautiful, first he's got to speak these words on their own. Sometimes just hearing it by words can be quite effective.

He gently comes to hug you from behind whenever you're starting at yourself in the mirror, gently holding you by waist and lowering his head to put it on your shoulder: "My my, aren't you just beautiful?" he whispers. He mostly phrases you when you're looking at the mirror, judging your body and wondering if it looks good or not for the hundredth time. You've got questions and Jade's there to answer: Yes, you are beautiful. Doesn't matter how many times he's got to repeat the same thing, as long as he can see a sight of relief in your face whenever he tells you how lovely you look he's satisfied.

His attempts aren't limited to words and regular phrasing, showing that he admires your body in action as well is just as important. Oh man, he's greatly aware of your tastes and your size, he definitely knows what clothes you'd not only like but also feel comfortable in. He wants them to be neither too loose nor too tight, just your own regular size. He gently hands you the clothes he's bought you, puts on an dreamy smile and softly asks you: "My dear, I'm sure that these would look amazing on you. Would you mind wearing them for me tonight?"

Just like Jade, he isn't one into judging body shapes or having an specific preference over them, he's more into attitude and personality rather than physical appearance and beauty. He loves you because he enjoys hanging out with you, he never seems to get bored or tired while you're around and and in general, he adores your personality and just the way you are.

It's true that physical beauty isn't one of his top priorities but he still thinks that you look pretty fine. He doesn't see anything wrong with your appearance and he finds you really cute.

If you're having trouble liking your own shape he should keep you away from anything that may cause you to think about it. In case that it helps you to slowly get over it getting your mind off the anxiety seems to be the best choice.

People around you, even your friends better not comment on your body, otherwise they're going to regret it. Floyd would literally get rid of anything (or anyone) that may humiliate or make you feel insecure.

He is mostly focusing on indirectly telling you that your body is okay, more like making you believe it on your own instead of him having to force the belief on you.

Floyd isn't afraid of complimenting in public at all; he confidently phrases you and tells his classmates how adorable he thinks you look today, sometimes giving them a chance to agree with him on it as well: "Don't ya'll agree that (y/n) looks so beautiful today? Not like they don't always do though~" It will make you blush so hard but showing this kind of affection publicly is also a clear sign that he is proud of you and the way you look. Having people agree with him too is a way to show that he isn't the only one admiring you as you already are, it makes you feel accepted and loved.

Giving you the mental support you deserve so you won't need to question yourself or anyone else over the way you look too much, but when you need to talk about your frustration with someone, he's there to listen. It's okay to sometimes dislike something about yourself but you should know that it doesn't hold you back from being wanted and appreciated. Doesn't matter if there are people whom you believe have better figures than you cause there is no comparison on it; they are them and you are you, when it comes to worth, you can be compared to no one but yourself. At some point, he's just surprised at how you can't see your own worth like he does, you shouldn't let your body blind you on it: "You know... you're a lot more than your body,"

'But... you're already perfect as you are..?'

Idia isn't one to randomly admire anyone or to praise them, but he does really mean it when he says you couldn't be any better that you already are, you're sweet, kind, supporting and beautiful; he couldn't have asked for a greater darling.

It really breaks his heart to know that you feel bad about your body, just what might've put the thought in your head? Has anyone said something rude? Anyways you should realize that there's nothing wrong with your body and you're already gorgeous and lovely as you are.

He isn't the best with words yet he tries his hardest, it's usually easier to motivate you during the enormous amount of lovemails he sends you everyday, but in reality he needs to come up with more of creative ways.

He wants to show you that there's no need to feel embarrassed or shy because of your body, you should know that you're loved just as you are, no need to be changed. If words aren't strong enough to prove his point, he goes for the second plan. He starts taking pictures of you, especially your full body pictures.

Doesn't matter whether you're on school uniform or just chilling on your T-shirt and baggy pants, he just says that he loves to save your pose whatever it is. His favorites are the ones with you wearing hoodie for fun, damn only if you knew how cute you looked whenever you put them on, it left his face all red and flustered as if he was looking at a kitten playing with his clothes.

He creates a separate section in his gallery just to save your pics which somehow embarrasses you, but he's strong on his point. He sits beside you as he scrolls through that special section he has for you, showing your pics and madly giggling over how lovely you look in each and every of them. No matter how much you beg at him to delete them he's going to keep them all. See this isn't his fault, it's all on you for being overly cute and adorable. He would directly show that he loves all of you as you already are, and there's nothing that can ever change his mind over this. He loves you, deal with it.

#Twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland x reader #Octavinelle #Azul Ashengrotto #azul ashengrotto x reader #jade leech #jade leech x reader #Floyd Leech #floyd leech x reader #idia shroud #idia shroud x reader #disney twisted wonderland

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ghosthan · 3 years

Note

what would you say are the differences between 616 Tony and MCU Tony? 🤔

Hi anon! Many people have talked about this and I'm certainly not the authority on the topic, but I’ll try my best to explain some of the major differences that I have noticed! Thank you for asking and I’m sorry it took me so long to answer you.

Important to note: neither version of Tony has had a totally consistent characterization. Depending on who you ask and which comics/movies they've consumed, they might give you a different answer here and not be wrong.

616 Tony is even harder to put into one box because his character has been around since Tales of Suspense in the 1950s. That’s a long time. Things have changed over time, under different writers, changing political atmospheres, and outside pop culture influence (including influence from the MCU, unfortunately, in recent years.) You get the picture. So I’ll be making some generalizations and try to be clear about which eras I’m speaking when I make these comparisons, but ultimately, if someone wanted to be contrarian, you could probably refute a lot of what I say here if you cherry pick canon. Which is fair enough! That’s sort of the fun of comics, there’s so much to choose from and something for everyone.

So here are some observations from me, under the ‘read more’.

1. Physical Appearance

This is sort of an easy one, but worth mentioning!

MCU Tony does not look like 616 Tony. RDJ is great, but he would not be most 616 fans’ casting choice on looks alone. MCU Tony is tan, a Malibu man, with brown hair and brown eyes, and RDJ has sort of round facial features (a funny sloped nose, big, round eyes, round forehead, not a particularly sharp or classically “superhero masculine” face.) As you may know, this lends well to certain fanworks and tropes, such as Tony having Bambi eyes.

Or Tiny Tony. He is not actually canonically small, but he's smaller in the MCU than in 616 and from what I can tell, a portion of fandom has latched onto that. He’s a grown man, but RDJ is pretty short, and of slighter build than 616 Tony. RDJ is 5′9, but they make him act in heels, and I believe his canon MCU height is 5′11. Another popular trope I’ve seen is shrinking Tony in fanfic/fanart for a dramatized height difference with Steve, making him weak or fragile; this is fine because everyone has their own taste, but for the official record, he’s a capable, strong guy! Especially in earlier stages of the MCU, in which he’s a bit younger. Tony isn’t just a brain; he carries out his plans with his own two hands! He builds his armor, he remodels his lab, he survives hand to hand combat when he doesn’t have the armor. Muscles!

616 Tony is 6′1 without armor and 6′6 in armor (making him taller than his 616 Steve counterpart in armor and very close to the same height out of armor!) 616 Tony is generally paler with black hair (sometimes the classic blue-black I love so much) and blue eyes, and it obviously depends on the artist, but he has a pretty typically ‘masculine’ face and build. Generally he is drawn with a squared jaw and a high bridged nose (such as in the Extremis storyline, or drawn by Marquez), but again, this varies from artist to artist! Here's some examples of 616 Tonys.

Wait, you might be saying, but I have seen comic panels where Tony has brown hair/brown eyes!

Yep. Due to a combination of forgetfulness, inconsistency, and the MCU bleeding into the general consciousness of the comics, sometimes Tony is randomly depicted in the image of RDJ, or if not in his image, at least visually inspired by the MCU-- hair color and style, eye color, dialogue, etc.

616 fans don’t typically love this; he’s very handsome when drawn this way, of course, (look at him!) But it isn’t really the same character.

Also, MCU Tony has (at least for some of his movies) a reactor built into his chest. While 616 Tony has, at times, been more or less physically connected/dependent to his tech, he doesn’t have the built in reactor (most generally speaking, there are times in comics when he temporarily has the tech built in, but this isn’t really the status quo.)

2. Relationship with parents/ family history

While it is definitely implied in the MCU that Howard was not a good father to Tony, (such as in Iron Man 2 when Tony says “You're talking about a man whose happiest day of his life was shipping me off to boarding school” and “He was cold, calculating, never told me he loved me, never even told me he liked me”), Tony has a different sort of attitude toward Howard in MCU than in 616. It’s kind of weird, and hard to discuss. To me, it seems implied that MCU Howard was emotionally abusive to Tony based on what Tony does say about his childhood, and yet, the films kind of randomly give Howard weird moments of “Well, he tried his best and deep down he loved me the whole time!” forgiveness. MCU has a Howard kink and I'm very cringe-face emoji about it.

For example, Iron Man 2 shows that old film reel of Howard talking about how Tony is the greatest thing he ever created, and in Endgame, when Tony goes back in time, he meets Howard and has a very weird interaction with him in which Howard declares he would do anything for his son, (to his deeply damaged son who is a new father himself.) Yet, for all his talk, it's his actions that speak, and his actions left Tony damaged, traumatized, and emotionally inept at forming healthy relationships. So.

Sorry. I’m a little bitter. I'm just uncomfortable with how they sort of set up an abuse history but then treated it kind of lightly and Howard gets off the hook as "well, he tried his best" without really acknowledging the hurt he caused.

Avengers: Endgame 2019

I won't go super in depth into the abuse stuff because it's a little touchy and could take up a lot of this post. But.

I’m not against any reconciliation and I do appreciate the fact that a lot of times, victims of abuse feel a desire to forgive and reconnect with their abuser-- my issue with the MCU depiction of Tony and Howard is that Tony never really gets the vindication of his abuse being recognized for what it was before he forgives Howard. To me, that’s not forgiveness as kind of... gaslighting himself that it wasn't as bad as he remembered his own experience being, because of a sense of nostalgia and grief. It’s not the same, and I have issues with it.

However, a lot of my opinion is based on subtext and it is just my opinion; with depictions of abuse, different people are going to react differently, and other people may have found these scenes touching and gotten something positive out of them, and that's totally fine too!

It’s also a bit difficult to talk about Tony’s relationship with Howard in 616, for a few reasons: shifting timelines, lots of canon that I have not read all of, and the fact that it really is difficult to sum up such a complicated relationship.

Right off the bat, I’ll address the basics. I used the same scene in another ask, and I think it's frequently cited in any meta regarding Howard, but in Iron Man Vol. 1, we see more into Tony’s childhood and see Howard verbally abusing his family, drunk, at the dinner table.

Iron Man Vol. 1 #285

We get this scene with adult Tony’s retrospective commentary on how his own issues that he blamed himself for were actually a cycle starting with his father, the insecurity and abuse and alcohol, and that he realizes how much this has influenced him. Both MCU Tony and 616 Tony have some form of “stop the cycle of shame” arcs, but I don’t really see how this works narratively in the MCU because Tony makes excuses for Howard and continues to blame himself for a lot of his own personal struggles, whereas I think there’s just a bit more nuance in 616.

But uh. This isn’t totally true, and in recent years, things got real weird. I choose to ignore this chapter of canon, but in the Dan Slott run, Tony Stark: Iron Man, Tony’s whole backstory gets imploded. For one thing, the little of Tony’s childhood it shows in a flashback is uh. Uh. Well, it’s certainly out of character compared with previous 616 material, depicting Tony as an overly confident poor sport.

Basically, Tony is adopted. Tony has an evil brother. Tony’s biological parents make an appearance, as do his ‘classic’ parents, Howard and Maria. It’s just weird. It’s kind of out there. I’m honestly not a huge fan of this and ignore a lot of it, but it is certainly a difference between MCU and 616.

3. Personality

I’m going to be very general. Both Tony’s have an outer self which they present to the public and an inner self, but they’re a bit different. Both Tony’s have struggled with self loathing, but I think MCU Tony’s actual self worth is a bit higher, even just at some points in time. Even if his ego is part of his facade, I think he does believe some amount of the “I’m awesome”, even if just when it applies to his own work/inventions/saving people. Not to say that these moments of fluctuating self esteem make him egotistical, but this combined with his egotistical act and snarky, non-stop sassy dialogue, he’s quite different in general personality from 616 Tony, who is much more reserved.

Some more recent iterations of 616 Tony have been adapted to reflect the snark of the MCU, but he’s not so snarky and he tends to approach things more seriously. This is not a dis on MCU Tony; I think MCU Tony uses false ego and excessive sassy jokes as a means to deflect and control, which I think is very interesting and it’s nice to see this explored more in depth in fic where you get to see the thought process behind the bravado. MCU Tony is a partier, a good times guy, especially during Iron Man 2, in which he really does disregard consequences to have fun (driving his race car, partying drunk in his suit, letting pretty girls play with the armor, shooting off repulsor blasts for fun in a crowded room); I’m not bashing MCU Tony-- I think he had psychologically understandable reasons for behaving this way, the man was dying-- but 616 Tony really doesn’t act this way generally, and I think it’s a personality difference more than a difference of one being “better.”

616 Tony handles his stress differently, and they just have different psychological patterns, I think. I’m coming up kind of blank trying to think of a good comparable 616 arc, (sorry, I’m brain dead) but a less-than-perfect example might be Tony’s brain delete arc; he’s “dying”, like in Iron Man 2 he knows his expiration date, (circumstances are quite a bit different), but he throws himself more into work, into a cause, and as he really fall apart, we see him spiral into self doubt, remorse, fear, and insecurity, sort of falling into himself with lots of manly tears and calling himself pathetic.

(Some things happen in this arc that a lot of people find Gross. I also find these events gross. But. I don’t count the sex in “World��s Most Wanted” as partying to cope with personal mortality, because I think both character involved are in “end of the world” mode, and it’s more seeking intimacy for comfort than partying to numb the hurt. Does this distinction make sense? No? Perfect, moving on.) 616 Tony is generally much more humble.

Whereas MCU Tony, I think, tries to outrun those feelings via parties or making dozens of new suits, or seeking comfort by comforting others! Gifting things to people, building things for people, highly personalized individual living quarters, teaching Nebula games and trying to show her a fun time when they were in peril together.

They have some traits in common, for sure! But canon being inconsistent both in the MCU and in 616, my observations aren’t the rule, because I’m kind of cherry picking and going based on limited memory. But off the top of my head, they’re both extravagant gift givers! Recall Tony gifting Pepper the giant bunny in Iron Man 3, and compare this with Tony carrying a mile high pile of Christmas gifts after shopping with Rumiko in Iron Man Vol. #3.

I would say that while both Tony Starks are considered humanitarians, this is much more fleshed out and supported by canon in 616. Some examples of his philanthropy in the MCU: Tony makes charitable donations of art and money, Tony has an organization which provides disaster relief/cleanup which is referenced in Spider-Man Homecoming, Tony has an MIT grant for students and staff members. But to be honest, a lot of his MCU philanthropy is only mentioned in passing, or is largely handled by other people on his behalf and on his dollar.

In 616, we see Tony using charity almost as a means of therapy: it’s something he does very privately, not in the public eye (at least, not always), and it’s something deeply personal to him. One example that immediately comes to mind is Tony’s home for disadvantaged girls in Iron Man Vol. 3, and we see scenes of Tony basically driving the streets at night, picking up underage prostitutes, feeding them and listening to their stories before bringing them to a home he’s established where he knows all the residents, and provides educational opportunities and protection.

Another more recent example in canon that the Tony fandom loves is that Tony canonically holds babies at an orphanage. Sorry I don’t have panels for all of this, this section got long and I have been working on answering this ask in a very scattered way for a very long time.

Both Tony’s are romantics, I literally could write a whole other post about their canon love life similarities and differences, but I will briefly say that while MCU Tony does the long on and off, and eventual ultimate commitment, to Pepper Potts, 616 Tony is a serial monogamist; he is always falling in love, and he’s definitely not a playboy, but the hero-ing, self loathing, and lifestyle make it very hard for him to keep anyone in his life, and most of his partners fuck his life up and betray him. Needless to say, 616 Tony is not married, and certainly not to Pepper Potts.

Oh, and I guess this is so obvious I almost forgot to include it, but a huge similarity between both iterations of Tony is that they both constantly use their own life as a bargaining chip, and will pretty much die for anything. Or be the bad guy for a good reason (at least, in his own mind... see Civil War, or Hickmanvengers; 616 Tony, especially, does not shy away from making the hard decisions, and this leads to a lot of guilt and tension in his relationships-- often with Steve because 616 Steve/Tony angst fans are well fed, I guess)

Remember that time Tony had Steve’s mind wiped because Tony felt that Steve’s inflexible morality might hinder the Illuminati’s ability to save the world? And it eats Tony up inside and erupts into a homicidal fight when Steve finally gets his memory back? Me too.

Tony Stark as a character is defined by sacrifice, both of his own life but also of his own happiness and reputation and conscience, I think, in a lot of ways, and we see this in many universes. I could go on about Tony’s propensity for sacrifice in the less obvious ways, because I think in terms of heroic sacrifice, Tony has done a lot that other heroes wouldn’t be able to do because of moral inflexibility and conflicting philosophical schools of thought; Tony really is the “whatever it takes” type, and often believes the ends justify the means if he deems a threat worse than the potential wrong that could be done in preventing the threat. We see this a little bit in the MCU in the creation of Ultron, and in Civil War with the Accords. But there’s a whole lot more going on there I don’t want to get into.

4. Alcohol

MCU Tony’s alcoholism is never really explicitly explored. He is shown drinking in Iron Man 1, and in Iron Man 2 he drinks a lot and makes a fool of himself publicly, but MCU Tony doesn’t get any specific narrative arc focused on his drinking, and if I recall correctly, I don’t think he ever refers to his drinking as alcoholism in the movies? Also, while his binge drinking and embarrassing behaviors ostensibly stop after the events of Iron Man 2, he is shown drinking on screen at least one other time after that which I can remember, and it wasn’t a “falling off the wagon” moment, and an alcoholic in recovery such as 616 Tony would not take a drink casually. This article sheds a little light on some decisions made about Tony and alcohol in the MCU.

Alcoholism is a huge part of 616 Tony’s personality, which I went a bit more into depth about in this post, so I won’t repeat myself too much.

5. Their relationships with the Iron Man armor

A few points here: MCU Tony is famous for the “I am Iron Man” line being repeated throughout the franchise after he blows his own secret in the end of the first movie. MCU Tony sees himself as one with Iron Man, and the suit is the tech that enables him to be this version of himself. He sees Tony Stark and Iron Man as inextricable: you cannot separate them, and his identity is public. He, as Tony Stark, is an Avenger.

You may remember MCU Tony’s induction into the Avengers; in Iron Man 2, Nick Fury is forming the Avengers and tasks the Black Widow with going undercover to assess Tony to be a part of a hypothetical initiative. “Iron Man yes, Tony Stark no” and the comments about Tony as a narcissist may be funny, but the fact is, the snark and erratic personality of MCU Tony at the time of the formation of the Avengers in the movies is not at all like the Tony of the comics, at the time of the Avengers being formed.

In 616, things are quite a bit different! Tony invents the Iron man armor to save himself (like in the MCU) and uses it for hero-ing, but in secret. He works very hard to protect his identity as Iron Man, and for a long time, as far as the world is concerned, Iron man is a mystery man piloting armor built by Tony, hired as Tony’s personal body guard, (hence the 616 Steve/Tony fandom’s proclivity for identity porn as a trope!) When the Avengers form, Iron Man is the Avenger, close friends with the Avengers, (particularly Steve!) and Tony Stark is just the benefactor of the Avengers, providing them with a place to live and finances with which to operate.

In the very early days, Tony did not have the “reactor” like in the MCU, but his chest plate did keep him alive, leading to some very dramatic shots of Tony charging up using a wall socket, lamenting the plight of a secret hero.

616 Tony, generally, and especially in some of these earlier comics, was quite reserved, rather serious, and very angsty, (in private of course.) He may be wealthy, but speaking generally, he’s much less ostentatious than MCU Tony, less of a show off, less into flashy things and grand gestures. Of course, this isn’t always true in the comics, and some iterations of Tony are more like this than others, but MCU Tony is showier, sillier, and more of a fun-times guy. Any MCU fan would find those panels quite contrary to the Tony Stark you know:

Iron Man 1

Iron Man 2

I think I would say that while MCU Tony sees himself and the Iron Man identity and the armor as all being inextricably connected, we see a bit more compartmentalization with 616 Tony, who pretends that the armor is a whole separate person for years when his identity was private, and we see instances in older and newer comics, in which Tony is uncomfortable with some aspect of himself as Iron Man (for instance, during the second drinking arc, Tony temporarily swears off being Iron Man entirely, or for another example, when Tony is in a comma and Tony AI exists during Secret Empire, Tony “lives” in the Iron Man suit, and I think this could be interpreted as a meta parallel to Steve during this arc; Steve has had some core aspect of his character inverted, Captain America becoming Captain Hydra, so Tony experiences a similar inversion-- Tony Stark and Iron Man are forcibly merged, in a way that Tony seems deeply uncomfortable with, if his digital drinking relapse is any indication. But I digress; sorry for the tangent.)

Okay this post is inexcusable long, and very, very tangential, and I don’t feel like I’ve really covered everything I wanted to. But it has been sitting in my inbox for too long and if I don’t post it now I never will, so I hope this long, rambling thing has been a little bit helpful to you! Thank you so much for asking, I had a lot of fun rambling about this.

If you want to read a similar post, but well written and organized, with other insights, this post by Sineala answers a similar question!

#Anonymous #han reads comics #han meta #meta #iron man #tony stark #616 tony stark #616 #mcu #long post #han speaks #ask #sorry this definitely gets more incomprehensible as it goes on but i have been writing and rewriting and editing and fretting about this #for so long that if i dont just post it i probably never will and i sunk too many hours into it #to throw it away now 😅#abuse tw #abuse #alcoholism tw #alcoholism

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alittlebitgoofy · 3 years

Text

the only proof i need is you (taywhora)

it is finally done, i've been wokring on this since the ukd tour started but we don't need to talk about that, it's kind of a sequel to my older canon compliant fics but can be read sepereatly. love my dear mina for always betaing shit I send them, an actual icon

title from proof by Paramore bc that song got stuck in my head as I was tryna get a title, enjoy :)) ao3 link

Tayce relished in the energy she got from this, after so long away from gigs the euphoria wasn’t lost on her. They were lucky, finally able to experience the dizzying highs of such public notoriety.

The heat didn’t help things— of course, they’d get stuck in a heatwave during a cross country tour. The amount of sweat, makeup running by the end of the show, outfits sticking in places they shouldn’t. It was a nightmare, but she wouldn’t trade it for anything

Her attention was pulled back to reality by the laughter of her friends, using silly Instagram filters on each other to amuse them. They stumbled towards her in a flurry of giggles, knocking into her arms and almost sending her falling over into the crowd. A’whora raised her phone to Tayce, erupting into laughter at the way the screen contorted her face into something unrecognisable.

---

“Are you done with those?” Tayce asked, gesturing to A’whora’s fries while his attention was laser focused on his phone.

Before he could answer, Tayce plucked a chip anyway, putting it in his mouth much to A’whora’s chagrin. He huffed, eyes narrowing at such an act of treason.

“You hound!” He swatted at Tayce’s arm as he reached for another. “What happened to yours?”

Tayce lent in further, smiling fiendishly and chewing obnoxiously loud. “Ate them, like, ten minutes ago. You’ve been staring at your phone for the past hour and they’re gonna go cold, missy.”

“I’m eating at my own pace!”

“You eat slower than Lawrence picks up choreo.” Tayce grinned, his heart warming at the way his friend pouted, arms crossed — he was too cute when he got all riled up.

“Don’t involve me in your lovers' spats!” Lawrence hissed from across the table, laughing at the way Tayce’s eyes narrowed. He knew Lawrence was only having one of those stupid more-than-friends jokes, but any implications of their relationship being anything other than professional made the room seem a little too tense for his liking.

“She’s right, you two argue like an old married couple.” Bimini chimed in, resting their head on their hands like this was an everyday event.

“This isn’t an argument, a crime has been committed and you two are bystanders letting such an act go unpunished!”

“It’s a fucking chip.”

A’whora glared at Lawrence for such a comment. It was his chip. Tayce had his own, he could deal with himself. He had a bad habit of eating things that weren’t his and flirting his way out of any repercussions. He’d buy A’whora more of something most of the time but the annoyance was justified after a year of having his food stolen.

Bimini let out an exasperated laugh, the idiocy of the pair never failing to be both amusing and tiring. They bickered like children sometimes but there was a layer of deep connection under it, two people so strong in their unity that nothing could break them apart.

Except a chip apparently.

They slid their own half eaten pack over, not likely to eat the rest anyway. It would be worth the quiet of Tayce settling down with more food for a little while. They missed the peace of them all being passed out from a long night’s show.

“Tayce, you can have the rest of mine, just leave her alone.”

“Let the whore have her own food, you hound.” Lawrence huffed, Tayce snickering at the moniker. It made him raise an eyebrow, nodding before turning his attention back to his fries.

It was hilarious seeing him get so riled up but there was a small pang in Tayce’s chest, he genuinely was a bit upset about having his food taken, it was a constant that always riled him up no matter how much Tayce replaced. He slid a few fries over, secretly enjoying the bright smile that took over A’whora’s face, giving a thankful nod.

---

Tayce felt the repetitive movement of the car slowly lull him to sleep, they were all too tired to do much of anything, passing out in the back of the tour bus in full drag, not even the energy to take it off before going to their hotels. A’whora was next to him, head leant against his shoulder. He looked so peaceful, making it hard to believe he’d been performing in the horrid heatwave an hour ago.

Bimini was on the other side of them, by the window. They’d curled in on themself, contorted in a way that couldn’t have been comfortable. She’d have to laugh when they complained of back pain the next morning. Lawrence was beside them, stretched across the seat between him and bimini. It was strange to see everyone so low energy, though Tayce himself felt it. So many shows in such quick succession, his body wasn’t ready no matter how much preparation went into it.

A bump in the road jolted him back to attention, though the rest of them were long gone from consciousness. At least he thought. His attention turned back to A’whora, taking in all of his features without the prying eyes of anyone. Something about the sight of him, head reclined on Tayce’s shoulder looking like it was the most comfortable thing in the world, it made his heart warm.

Those feelings still went unsaid, he wasn’t ready for a lot of things, A’whora knew that. He knew with time he would open up, it just took patience and love.

---

Tayce’s energy was electric, his constant bouncing and talking leaving the others in the tour bus in a similar state.

Long drives were boring, he had to make it more interesting somehow. A’whora and Lawrence exchanged a look as Tayce set up an Instagram live, mentally preparing for the chaos that would surely follow.

Lawrence was half amused and half mortified at the act that followed, A’whora cheekily shaking her ass on the camera, much to the amusement of the viewers, Tayce slapping it as if it was no big deal. He’d probably come to regret that later but the moment buzzed with the excitement for their next show, the tour in general, and the euphoria of touring with some of his best friends.

The rowdy energy kept up for the rest of the day, Tayce rarely lost his buzz as A’whora had come to learn, it was a blessing until it was late and she was ready to go out when all he could do was pass out in the hotel room.

They had to share this time due to availability, acting like it was a minor inconvenience when it was all they wanted now, to feel the comfort of someone going through the same grueling thing as you, waking up next to Tayce was euphoric. Something about him took the best, happiest feelings out of A’whora and left him a gooey mess of love and laughs.

Though Lawrence was catching on, or so Tayce claimed he thought, confiding in A’whora knowing even he could keep this secret. He knew better than to say something like that, Tayce’s vulnerability was difficult to keep, any sign of trouble and he’d close right back up for a long time to come.

“Oh, there are the lovers.” He boldly prodded the pair, erupting into a laugh as Tayce scowled. The atmosphere was too tense for 9 am, the previous night out leaving him in a precarious state of trying to balance a normal act and a vicious headache that only a kiss from A’whora had managed to vanquish.

“Well what crawled up your ass and died?” He followed up, Tayce’s glare frosting over in a way that truly worried A’whora. He was not happy and he didn’t want to sit in a car all day full of tension. Where was Bimini in this mess?

“It’s too early for this shit, settle down.”

His voice seemed to reason more with Tayce as he got into the car, quickly pulling a’whora beside him. Bimini came out a while later, apologising for the wait. None of them ever seemed to be on time, it was almost as if they took it in turns this tour.

Their presence brought some much needed peace as Tayce started perking up through the journey, still oddly quiet but much better than wanting to bite Lawrence’s head off this morning.

---

“A’whora! God, hurry up!” A shout came from Bimini as they prodded her to change faster. Damn costumes, never easy to get off in a hurry.

Tayce watched it with muffled laughter, the misfortune not enough to need intervention but much too amusing to leave alone.

Lawrence shared in her amusement, though had no problem commenting on her time wasting.

“I thought I was the slow one, the whore’s got us all beat.” She commented, the room erupting in laughter much to A’whora’s annoyance.

“Stupid fucking outfit! Tayce?” The complaint was followed by a pleading whine, her eyes starting to tear up with sheer frustration.

Tayce obliged, walking over and unzipping the outfit to let A’whora out, grabbing her new one and sliding it up her body, slowly as to allow her to get in without rushing.

A’whora felt herself almost quiver, the feeling of Tayce’s hands running down her back taking her back to—

Nope. She couldn’t do this, not during a show. Keeping this secret would eat her alive by the time they got finished with this tour but she could enjoy the little moments they had, as inconspicuous as possible.

“Talk about sexual tension.”

“Oh fuck off Lawrence.” Tayce shot back. Before any more words could be exchanged they were rushed back on stage for a group number.

Thank god for Tayce.

—-

Tayce let himself fall onto the bed with a loud groan. It was incredible being able to perform for huge crowds and meet their fans but this was a new kind of exhaustion. He felt the need to hibernate for the next week. Beside him, A’whora flopped down, a similar sigh leaving his lips.

“I can’t wait to get home, I’ve got a face mask and a few packs of percy pigs waiting for me.”

“Is that all you ever think about? You better share, missy.” Tayce teased, a tired grin spreading across his face, elating his boyfriend who rolled over to press a kiss to his cheek.

“Only if you ask politely, or maybe you do something nice for me.” The last part came out in a purr, their faces so close Tayce swore A’whora could feel the heat rising off his face at the insinuation.

It wasn’t like he couldn’t play along, flirting and calling his bluffs. But this was more intimate, the two of them, together. No one else, no need to worry about keeping it down so their roommates wouldn’t find out. It was a flash of a possible future. The pair of them working, joking, and loving together.

It dawned on him then, cuddled together without a care in the world after the most exhausting two weeks of his life. This was what he wanted, he didn’t care what other people thought. Something melted away without him realising, leaving his heart bare and ready for the taking though A’whora always let him set the pace.

“I love you, George.”

He froze. Did he hear that right? Did Tayce just say he loved him? Tayce, the one who could never let himself be vulnerable, much less admit his deepest feelings.

“I love you too.” He choked out, sounding more shocked than he knew possible. Tayce couldn’t help but laugh, he wasn’t expecting it but that reaction was nothing less than adorable. He pulled him into a soft kiss, enjoying their closeness before they both drifted off, hardly ready for the travel and fatigue of tomorrow but safe and cosy in the presence of each other.

He could get used to this.

#a'whora #tayce #taywhora #rpdr fanfiction

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fantastic-rambles · 3 years

Text

Fandom: Sk8 the Infinity

Characters: Shindo Ainosuke (Adam), Kikuchi Tadashi (Snake)

Warnings: Physical Violence, Mild Verbal Abuse, References to Murder

Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: (AU - Canon Divergence) Following the murder of Ainosuke’s aunts, Tadashi now faces the far more difficult task of wading through the broken pieces he’s left in his wake and putting them back together. [TadaAi Week 2021 | Day 3: Healing]

[Part 1]

His day starts the same as any other: waking up to the sounds of the ocean and the sharp, citrusy smell of his tea. The crash of the waves gently drag him toward the shore of consciousness, gradually roaring louder in his ears until he opens his eyes to the morning sun filtering through his gauzy curtains. And as always, Tadashi is waiting there attentively, a dark figure in a perfectly tailored suit, ready to take on whatever the day will throw at him.

Ainosuke smiles as he reaches out to grab his secretary’s sleeve, only for his hand to freeze in midair as the nightmare of the previous evening crashes down on the otherwise ideal morning. Had that actually happened? Or was it just a horrible dream, the product of a fevered imagination that was just too tired from his long nights of working, made longer whenever he snuck out to skate?

“Tadashi..." His throat feels raw and sore as he speaks, and then Tadashi is kneeling beside him, offering him a porcelain cup.

“I’ve added extra honey this morning,” Tadashi says, cupping the saucer in his hand. But Ainosuke’s already snatched his hand back, staring at the other man while his heart begins to race. He can't tell what Tadashi is thinking, and he doesn't understand how everything can be so normal after what happened. Nothing has changed in Tadashi’s mannerisms, and Ainosuke is gripped by the sudden desire to vomit again, even though there’s nothing left to bring up.

“It will help with the nausea, too.”

Tadashi seems to realize that Ainosuke isn’t going to take the cup from his hands, so he sets it down on the bedside table before stepping over to the wardrobe to pull out a dress shirt and one of Ainosuke's suits and carrying them back to the bed. But Ainosuke still hasn’t touched the tea, and he’s barely moved at all. Only his eyes have tracked Tadashi as his assistant wandered around the room, as if the other man is a venomous serpent waiting to strike at the slightest provocation.

“Do you require the day off? I can reschedule your meetings if that is the case. But it would raise less suspicion if we were to behave as we normally do.”

“Is that what you’re doing?”

Ainosuke’s voice comes out in a soft hiss that surprises even himself. But it doesn’t seem like Tadashi intends to kill him--at least, not immediately--so he pushes past the paralysis, trying to regain control of this insane spiral that his life has gone down. He needs to reassert himself, and he expects--or rather, hopes--that Tadashi will back down and retreat behind his usual, bland statement of “I have no opinion.” That mask of submission had always infuriated him, but now he wants it back. He wants some proof that everything hasn't gone to hell. And yet, in that as well, Tadashi defies everything he’s known about the other man, meeting his eyes squarely.

"Yes, Ainosuke-sama," he replies.

“And how the hell do you think you’re going to get away with this? What about the house staff? Their friends? Me? You killed three people, Tadashi.”

“I’ll handle it. But if you want to turn me in, that’s up to you.” Tadashi reaches out toward Ainosuke, and Ainosuke wants to flinch, but he slaps the hand away instead, desperate to assert his dominance in this situation. But there it is again: Tadashi’s refusal to eliminate the only witness of last night, a decision that Ainosuke can’t reconcile with the stranger he met... or even the steady, logical secretary who’s been at his side since his father passed away. Still, he gets out of bed, waving Tadashi away as he begins to dress himself, not wanting to feel the other man’s touch. It’s a little slower, but he’s eventually pulling his tie snugly against his throat and straightening his cuffs.

“Why did you do it?” Ainosuke demands suddenly, his eyes snapping to Tadashi. A flicker of emotion races through those emerald eyes, too quick for Ainosuke to identify, and then they’re flat again.

“Because their influence was toxic. They hurt you, Ainosuke-sama. They warped your understanding of people, of society... of love.”

"They loved me!"

But Tadashi is shaking his head.

“They loved status, power, and control. And they used that to turn you into their tool. But they never loved you, Ainosuke-sama. Even at the very end... they only thought about themselves. Kanako-san and Masako-san only said what they thought I wanted to hear to try to beg for their lives. They didn’t truly reflect on their actions; they didn’t understand what they’d done wrong, and so they didn’t sincerely apologize. And Hanako-san didn’t even think about you at all: she only cared about the other two.”

“Liar!” If it wouldn’t be entirely childish, Ainosuke would have jammed his hands over his ears to shut out that voice. Because there is no way that what Tadashi is saying could be true. Ever since he’d been young, his aunts had been a constant presence in his life: nurturing and guiding, just like mothers. But strict, too, when they had to be, because they wanted him to become a respectable man.

He couldn’t blame his aunts for their reactions when they faced a murderer, their desire for self-preservation; it was merely a natural, instinctive response. And Hanako had just seen both of her sisters die, with her own death looming: of course she wouldn’t think about him at that moment. But who they were when they were facing a reaper wasn’t who they really were; for decades, they’d assured Ainosuke of their love for him, and they’d consistently showered him with it, all the good and the bad.

Lost in his thoughts, he doesn’t notice Tadashi kneel until it’s too late and the other man has grasped one of Ainosuke’s hands in his own, tightly enough that he can’t pull away. And there’s a spark in those green eyes as Tadashi looks up at him, speaking with more emotion than Ainosuke has heard in years, ever since they were children.

“Give me a chance, Ainosuke-sama. Let me show you what love really is. It doesn’t need to be painful,” he says earnestly, bending his head to press a kiss to the back of Ainosuke’s hand. He seems so pliant and submissive, but Ainosuke knows better, now. He’s seen the monster that lurks beneath that obedient facade, and he bares his teeth in a warning snarl.

“You’re saying that you love me? And that’s why you did that? Know your place!” His free hand clenches into a fist and drives toward the side of Tadashi’s head. He sees the other man tense, but Tadashi doesn’t try to block it or dodge, allowing the full force of the blow to knock him aside and make him relinquish his grip on his master. He crashes against the end table, making the teacup rattle on its saucer. Some of the cooling tea splashes out while Ainosuke advances on him, shaking with an emotion that even he can’t recognize: a mixture of fear, anger, vindictiveness... If he can make Tadashi feel even a fraction of what his aunts had suffered, then it’ll be worth it. It won’t bring them back, but maybe it’ll help him feel better.

His foot draws back, and he hammers a kick into Tadashi’s side, smiling when he hears the air whoosh out of the other man’s lungs. For the first time since the nightmare of last evening, he feels as if he’s in control again as he lands more kicks on his servant who simply cowers and takes it until Ainosuke’s bent over, panting from his exertions, while Tadashi is curled up on the ground, his arms wrapped protectively around his head.

“Get up,” Ainosuke orders, nudging Tadashi with a foot. “We have work to do, right?”

He forces a smile onto his face, the same charming, meaningless smile that he uses whenever he shows up in public. He’ll figure out how to deal with this properly later and decide exactly what he’s going to do after everything has had time to sink in. Right now, his mind is still frozen from the adrenaline and the shock. But at least for his aunts, he’ll get through this day, just the way that they’ve taught him to. Even if it aligns with Tadashi’s motives, whatever they are, Ainosuke can’t let the Shindo reputation be tarnished.

[Part 3 - to come]

#sk8 #SK8 the Infinity #skate the infinity #tadaaiweek2021 #fanfic #fan fic #sk8 adam #shindo ainosuke #ainosuke shindo #sk8 snake #kikuchi tadashi #Tadashi Kikuchi #mine

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mariaiscrafting · 3 years

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Thoughts on Wilbur Soot? I want a full-blown essay at least 10k words/j. All jokes aside, this is an amazing blog, I come to it every day to see if you've posted something new :]. Keep going forward OP, you're truly amazing.

That is so sweet 😢 (/gen)

I was really gonna write, “I dunno, I just think he’s a nice dude,” but then you asked for 10k words, so now Imma actually rant. Wilbur’s probably one of the first people who got me back into Minecraft, around 2019, and he was the first person I felt comfortable enough watching the Dream SMP vods from, back in November.

First of all, the guy’s fricking gorgeous, like, ???? I never see any simping for him on my dash, and I’m just like ??? I’m not very good at simping over people’s appearances myself, so all I will say is that he’s fricking beautiful, jfc.

Second of all, I’m a music nerd, okay, and I really fucking like his singing. Back then, I listened to his music covers so much that I learned the lyrics from songs I’d never even heard of before I started watching Wilbur, by heart. Lol it helps quite a bit that a good chunk of my musical taste is made up of Life is Strange-esque, shitty indie songs that fit right into the covers he made back when he first started streaming. I’ve listened to YCGMA so many times that I have that same familiarity I have with songs I’ve listened to for literal years, knowing exactly what song comes next and when each measure ends and when the breaths are taken, etc., etc. He doesn’t have much finnesse when it comes to the technical qualities of his singing abilities, but he’s a damn good musician. His lyrical composition, chord progressions, little guitar riffs, emotion - ahhh, I just love Wilbur Soot’s music so much. I’m certain I’ll be listening to YCGMA in the middle of the night, when I need a good cry, for years to come lol.

Third of all, I really, really appreciate his openness about his mental health just, so much. He talks about his anxiety and getting depressed so candidly, he so easily lets his audience know about what kinda mental state he was in during uni and as a teenager and while he wrote YCGMA, and it makes me feel so normal. As dumb and cliched as it is to need a public figure to validate my own lived experiences, I do, and for someone like Wilbur Soot to succeed and be so talented, encouraging, empathetic, and socially active, despite losing motivation and energy at times, gives me a little bit of hope for myself.

Fourth of all, I mean, the guy’s fucking hilarious, are we forgetting this? People always talk about his talents music-wise and writing-wise, or how nice he seems to be, but they always gloss over his genuine comedic ability, and I ??? It takes so much to keep my attention these days, and Wilbur Soot’s videos are still some of the only ones that can manage that feat. He has undeniable chemistry with practically any CC he meets, his editing style is just *chef’s kiss*, and his laugh somehow makes even the most mundane of jokes seem fucking hilarious, it’s just such a delight to watch or listen to him do bits, man.

I left the best for last, lol. The main reason I fricking love Wilbur Soot is his political consciousness and the fact that his political beliefs align pretty well with my own. I’ve dealt with cishet, mostly white guys, both on and off the Internet, for so many damn years, and it’s exhausting. I am so tired of deconstructing myself and suppressing myself for the sake of social interaction, community-building, preventing ostracization, and being able to consume content without feeling enraged or hopeless. It is an exhausting endeavor to want to like and love all the gamers I’ve watched since middle school, and having to just push down and numb the parts of me that want to flinch at offhanded jokes and comments and exclusion from online spaces. Wilbur Soot is a whole other breed of CC. Lol uhhh, I guess he’s what most of the people in the social media circles I used to frequent would call, “a feminist cuck” and “self-hating white guy.” Which all really just means that he goes just beyond human decency. Don’t get me wrong, I do not by any means let white, cishet guys dictate my self-worth anymore, or even let them educate me; that’s what all the wonderful female and POC and queer CCs that I’ve discovered over the years are for. But there’s still something deeply satisfying about listening to this person who fits all the demographic checkboxes of the kinda person who used to make me feel so Other and Wrong, instead rant about how teenage girls can’t express their interests without being denigrated for them out of deeply-entrenched misogyny, or about how society needs to stop villanizing poor people and realize that government aid and social services do a great service for community betterment and are not just used by people supposedly leeching off the taxpayer’s dime. That’s not even to mention the fucking beautiful satire of the E-Girl Trilogy. I always wanted to rant about this, but I don’t know how exactly to put it into the proper words... Basically, as someone who has spent years and years retconning, observing, and caught in the midst of incels, conservatives, and just extremely depressed cishet men of all races, I am deeply familiar with all the resentment, anxiety, misogyny, homophobia, gender essentialism, and self-hatred that goes into creating the average 20-something man’s view on women, society, romance, friendships, and sex. The E-Girl Trilogy is fucking brilliant because it so accurately captures this cocktail of emotions and ideologies, creating a fucking perfect caricature of the average man who looks and is just like Wilbur Soot. The persona is so well-crafted that most listeners who aren’t familiar with Wilbur as a person, or his political views, actually believe these songs are genuine and empathize with the narrators, can you imagine? And the fact that, in the process, Wilbur himself realizes that all of it is a fucking joke, that the narrator’s views on his love interest are weird and creepy and not at all normal or correct, is what makes it genuine satire. He embodies something so perfectly, only to mock it in the process of showing off how much he can embody it... I love satire, but I fucking suck at writing or accurately embodying it, so I’ve always been so fucking jealous of and beyond impressed by the E-Girl Trilogy’s use of satire.

Lol this isn’t 10k words, but it was much longer than I fucking thought it’d be. Basically, I really like Wilbur Soot, and writing all of this made me realize just how much I missed watching his VODs and streams...

#mcyt #asks #wilbur soot #wilbur #Anonymous #phantom

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bigskydreaming · 3 years

Text

Tarn the Uncaring and his Locus Vile remain creepy as fuck, but I can’t help but feel that this Hellions issue would be a lot more impactful if we had any clue whatsoever what Tarn and his ick squad’s powers actually are. Its the same gripe I have with the last Wolverine issue and that Arakki pirate guy......I feel like the writers are making all these new Arakki characters but aren’t bothering to figure out what they can even do beyond just make them look bad-ass or intimidating or whatever and just be vague as to their actual capabilities.

For the most part its not a big deal, but I do think sooner rather than later we do need an ACTUAL clue about what the hell Tarn and the rest of the Great Ring’s powers are, given that its been well established that the Arakki ONLY let omega level mutants sit on their ruling council, so like......I think they should have bothered figuring out what the Great Ring’s powersets are before introducing them at least, and I feel like a big reason for the vagueness is that so far....even the writers only have the vaguest idea about what most of them can do. I mean, the only ones we know for sure are Isca and Lactuna or whatever her name is....and we have a reasonable sense of what the fish dude’s powers are and they’re fairly epic....and Idyll’s powers obviously are precognition related, so....okay y’know what, I take it back.

Of the Great Ring, the only ones we don’t really have a sense of are Tarn and the other random dude whose name I forget, and Tarn’s obviously have something to do with genetics/power manipulation.....but every time I see that giant caterpillar mutant, Xili or whatever his name is, I’m just like....okay we saw him in action but I still don’t get how his power works even a little bit.

Anyway, Hellions was an interesting issue, I enjoy seeing Sinister’s fuck-ups come back home to roost and all the Hellions finding out just how badly he screwed them on the Amenth mission, and I am intrigued by the mention of Chimera towards the end of the issue. I’m guessing all of this is building up to the reveal of Sinister’s first experiments in creating the triple-powered mutants we saw in Powers of X a hundred years in the future - and that series did mention that the first Chimera were ‘grown’ in the Vats of Mars, which is now Arakko, home of.....the people Sinister just admitted to stealing the DNA from to create these Chimera. So it all fits.

What I’m curious about is how much of this is just leading up to the same events that already played out in Moira’s last failed lifetime, versus how much things are going differently this time around. Like, we’re finding out about the Chimera being created already, which would seem to suggest events so far aren’t playing out too differently from the last time around, given the references to them being made on Mars....BUT in Moira’s last lifetime in Powers of X, like, it was clearly referenced as MARS having been where the Chimera were first made.....while ever since the Hellfire Gala, the books have all been pushing really hard that the planet’s name is Arakko now. So what I’m wondering is if Moira’s last lifetime - where she was allied with Apocalypse for at least part of it as well - if Arakko and its mutants were ever successfully retrieved from Amenth....or if Mars was simply a Krakoan colony in that past lifetime, and the Chimera we saw a hundred years in its future were just the results of Sinister’s experiments with mutant/Krakoan DNA, with him never having had access to Arakki mutants or Tarn’s own experiments with mutation.

Because if the latter, then that would suggest that the key difference this time around, and the potential game changer for the future, is not actually Krakoa itself, but Arakko’s presence and the Krakoa/Arakko alliance, spread across two planets.

Hmmm. Must ponder more.

As for the new X-Men issue, it wasn’t bad but it was mostly meh. It felt like a lot of just action sequences with Duggan narrating how they all used their powers together to defeat the Annihilation Wave, and like....yawn? The mutant synergy idea is fine conceptually, but they are milking it WAY too hard, its like we get it, can you do something with the actual STORY rather than just being like look what happens when these two mutants use their powers at the same time? LOL. For what its worth, what story there IS in this issue is intriguing. I mean, the idea of Gameworld and its bets on the fate of Earth is pretty interesting, and Dr. Stasis is shaping up to be a dangerous threat, especially with him seeming to be on to the Krakoan resurrection capabilities (uh, not that they’ve been all that subtle about it, tbh), and allied with Orchis - thus them knowing about the great Krakoan resurrection engine as well, lmao. Like, they probably really should have put a bit more effort into keeping that under wraps awhile longer instead of just being like:

"Oh Jumbo Carnation famously was murdered a few years ago with it all over the news and now we’re making a big deal about him designing all the outfits for our highly publicized Hellfire Gala, and you want to know how that could be possible, Mr. Reporter? Uh...look! A squirrel!”

Also, that plus the big fight between the Locus Vile and the Hellions on Krakoa after Ororo specifically WARNED Tarn that she was going to fuck his shit up if he tried to retaliate against Sinister - and that Isca and the rest of the Great Ring promised to back her on, lololol, its kinda funny that they all seem to hate Tarn as much as the rest of the Quiet Council all hate Sinister - anyway, all that has me wondering what the official policy on dead Arakki mutants is. I assume given that they’re mutants no fundamentally different from Krakoan mutants, that like, ever since they emerged from Otherworld, there’s no reason that Cerebro shouldn’t back up their consciousnesses as automatically as it does any other mutant’s....so is Krakoa sharing its resurrection technology with Arakko at all? Assuming of course that once they saw how Krakoans did it, they don’t have specific mutants of their own capable of matching the capabilities of the Five and doing the same for them.

BUT then again, the idea of resurrection seems to fly pretty heavily in the face of Arakki culture, so I don’t imagine on the WHOLE they’re all that interested in it in the first place.....BUT BUT, that doesn’t mean that INDIVIDUAL Arakki mutants aren’t interested. And given that we know now that it was Solem who was pulling strings in Wolverine’s solo title and X-Force, and that he was behind stealing the Shi’ar logic diamonds, which are used in resurrection, and he seems to have aims towards stealing the Cerebro Sword from Mikhail in Russia......from what we do know of Solem, it would make perfect sense for him to be interested in resurrection, given how many of his own people want him dead (especially after how he fucked over War in X of Swords), and I can’t imagine Solem being all that interested in like, applying for Krakoan citizenship just for that perk if he felt he could finagle resurrection on his own terms instead.

Or that he thinks they’d even offer it to him at all at this point, given that Emma, a key figure on the Quiet Council, is personally gunning for him to get payback for what he did to Christian and the Marauder (yesssss, this is one Emma + Wolverine teamup I’m here for lololol). Course, I can’t help but think, you know who else would want payback for Christian, and who might be extremely helpful in going after a notoriously dangerous Arakki warrior with adamantium skin? Oh, idk, Christian’s boyfriend, the omega mutant capable of freezing anything so cold it can shatter with a touch....even vaunted adamantium. I’M JUST SAYING. We saw Bobby get his vengeful on after Kate was killed, and him applying that same energy towards going after someone as dangerous as Solem on Christian’s behalf, would be like....potentially the most interesting thing they’ve done with him in years.

Like, I know it won’t happen because it probably hasn’t even occurred to the writers, since most of them barely even acknowledge that Bobby and Christian are IN a relationship, but how fucking great would it be to have Solem smugly convinced that he’s a match for Logan only for him to be like “the useful thing about NOT being a loner loser like you and actually having friends and people who like me, is sometimes it pays to have a bigger gun than yourself on speed dial.” Cut to....Heeeeeere’s Bobby! You know, the dude who just singlehandedly gave your spiffy new homeplanet its ice caps. And whose boyfriend your pirate patsies tossed overboard and left for dead when stealing his ship.

Solem: Aww, fuck.

#wednesday spoilers

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summonerscenarios · 4 years

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The Oni characters reacting to MC putting the moves on them and telling them "Yunno you're the ONI one for me baby!" Keep being awesome Juno!

AASDFGHJKKJH Anon this is singlehandedly the best pickup line I have ever heard and this was just too good to pass up. Tho i did struggle actually finding out which characters were oni and which ones weren’t lmao

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Takemaru

When you try to flirt with Takemaru he often thinks that you’re just trying to tease him - more than once you’ve slid in a flirtatious comment into the conversation just to watch him get flustered and warn you to not be so brazen teasing your elders like that. That does little to stop you, however, so once you thought up this absolutely perfect line you knew just who you were going to use it on. Takemaru has no clue what you’ve got planned when you sidle up beside him, conversing like nothing’s wrong until you find a moment in the conversation that’s just right to slip in your flirty comment.

Takemaru turns his head to stare at you as soon as the words leave your mouth. He’s so floored by your words that he reacts without thinking. He bursts into laughter, bringing a hand up to his face and shaking his head; he’s laughing so hard that he’s leaning over the table he was working at, gripping the edge with his free hand to keep himself upright. His laughter is contagious, and you’re giggling too, playfully whining that ‘come on, it wasn’t that bad!’. When he’s calmed down enough to get a word in he waves a hand in your direction, commenting that he just can’t take you seriously after you just said that, and you’re so amused by the situation that you can’t even be mad that the flirty comment fell flat on its face. Or so you assume, as once he’s fully recovered, Tak brings a hand to ruffle your hair, saying that even if it was cheesy it definitely hit it’s mark - just next time maybe go with something a bit more serious.

Oniwaka

Honestly, using this line on Oniwaka is a double whammy - not only is it a prime flirty remark, but it’s also a cute play on his name. So when you first come up with it, it’s too good of an opportunity to pass up on and not use it on him; the only questions were when, and where you were gonna try it out. It doesn’t take much to find him, especially because you see him so often, and you spot him with his back turned to you, focusing on something else. Seeing this as a prime opportunity you run up to him, using the momentum to slide across the floor the rest of the way and slam into the wall right next to him (granted your hands hurt like hell afterwards but it was worth it). Oniwaka jolts, snapping his head to face you and seems to relax once he realizes that it’s you; seeing him relax you decide now’s a good of a time as any to try out your newest flirting tactic.

Oniwaka blanks once the words leave your mouth, once it clicks that you’ve just flirted with him you finally get a proper answer. He groans making a halfhearted comment about that line being such a cliche, but even you can see that his cheeks are turning a dusty pink color the longer that you grin at him, shuffling closer as you attempt to get him to admit that it was a good one.

Suzuka

Flirting with Suzuka and not being threatened or scared off immediately in some way is a small miracle in itself. Unless you mean it you better not try and play any flirting games with her because she will shut that shit down fast; with that being said, however, you’re a notable exception, as most of your flirtatious encounters end in either a deep sigh or her snapping some kind of retort back at you. You don’t push your luck though, and save it for when you’re seriously putting on the moves on her. When you suddenly slide into the guild one day, yelling her name loud enough to turn a couple of heads she whips around to face you, watching in confusion as you steady yourself, take a deep breath and declare "Yunno you're the ONI one for me, baby!", in front of the entire room. The expression on her face is priceless - dumbfounded, then realization as her face blossoms a deep shade of red all the way down to her neck - but then she looks furious, and you’re suddenly realizing that maybe you should have done this in private.

What breaks the standstill is when you wink at her for good measure, then proceed to book it for your life right back out of the room, and all hell breaks loose. The next second she’s taking off after you, more embarrassed about you yelling your declaration out in public than she is about the corny line, and you can hear her shouting for you to stop running. She just wants to talk. If you’d stopped, you’d find that she wasn’t actually gonna kill you - granted you’d get lectured within an inch of your life - but for a girl known for her temper and fiery spirit, in that moment you’re 100% convinced that she’s going to give your torso some new holes if she catches you.

Toji

Toji attempts to remain stone faced when presented with your flirting. He can feel something’s up when, while spending time with you in your dorm room, you shuffle across the bed towards him, only pausing once you’re right at his side, laying stomach down on your bed with your chin propped up by your fists as you grin up at him. He stares at you from the corner of his eye for a moment, but he knows that you’re waiting for him to cave and speak first. Toji eventually looks away from his textbook and down at you, one eyebrow raised as he asks you what’s got you looking so smug now. With that as your cue you wave nonchalantly and tell him that you were just thinking, not going any further until he plays along and asks what you’re thinking about. It takes little more than that for you to tell him. “Oh, it’s just, y’know you're the oni one for me baby~!”

What follows next is Toji making a choked sound in response, then suddenly there’s a pillow sailing in your direction which has you dropping face down on the bed to narrowly avoid. You jolt back up with a ‘Hey! I thought that was a good one!’ He shoots back asking if you’re serious - did you really just say that?! With no hesitation whatsoever?! His reactions never fail to get a laugh out of you, and you’re biting back a smile as you try to coax him to admit that c’mon, it was pretty good - he closes his eyes, brows furrowed, before he releases a deep breath and, somewhat reluctantly, admits that it was certainly one of your more creative comments. He regrets it almost immediately when you shuffle right back over to his side, telling him that if he thought that was good, just wait till he hears the others you’ve thought up! You’ve got a whole bunch you’ve been just dying to tell him. Needless to say that textbook he’s reading is put on the backburner after that point.

Shuten

Getting a moment alone with Shuten is an occurrence that’s few and far between - a lot of his time is spent with his club members (namely Ibaraki) . Unless you ask him outright to have a moment alone. So it’s by a stroke of chance that right after club activities the two of you are the only ones in the changing rooms, already finished getting changed back into your uniforms and taking a moment to idle in the room before heading out and going your separate ways. You’d been mulling the line over in your head for a while, looking between your hands and Shuten and rolling the idea of saying it out loud in your head. There’s a pause for a second, then two, the three - then you just let it slip out, riding the rush of outwardly flirting with the baseball captain to get the words out there. It doesn’t get the reaction that you expect.

Shuten gives you a surprised look, head tilting slightly to the side and asking you to repeat what you just said. It’s a little bit embarrassing saying it the second time, the rush from blurting it out the first time wearing off a little now that you’re consciously aware that he’s paying attention to what you’re saying. When you say it this time he actually chuckles, saying “you know, that was pretty good” and immediately washing any nervousness you have right off of your shoulders. Emboldened, you shuffle across the bench to get closer, joking about how you’ve got a couple more up your sleeves that you’re sure he’s gonna like. In response, Shuten turns his attention to you fully and gives you an indication that he’ll listen to you - you’re pretty sure that he hasn’t clocked on to the fact that those flirting attempts are aimed directly at him, but it’s honestly a better reaction than what you’d initially expected.

Ibaraki

You often go to visit Ibaraki once the after school events have finished, since it’s the best chance of running into him if you’re not willing to go barreling into Kabukicho all the time just to see him. Since the game’s only just started wrapping up when you arrive, you spend a little while watching the team as they practice and go through some basic sports exercises before finally calling it a day. You catch Ibaraki as he jogs over to his gear, fishing around for something before pulling out something to drink to wash off the after training fatigue. He notices you and offers you a chill greeting, shrugging off his jacket and bringing his drink up to his lips to chug down at least half of the bottle - there’s a few seconds where you pause, but you’ve been thinking about this line all day that waiting is nearly impossible. So you blurt it out right away.

Waiting for him to finish his drink probably would have been a smarter idea, because as soon as Ibaraki hears what you just said to him he does a spit take and proceeds to choke on his drink so badly that you end up spending the next few minutes awkwardly patting his back while he coughs and sputters. By the time that he’s able to breathe normally again he looks up at you and rasps out a ‘What?! Did’ja not wanna wait till I was finished to spring that one me?!’ while wiping away the leftover drops of drink from his chin with the back of his hand. You feel kind of bad for making him choke, but the reaction was oh so worth it - you didn’t actually expect that kind of response out of him, and apparently neither did he as he tries to play it off, asking you how long it took you to think that one up this time while trying insistently to change the subject away from his reaction. Whether you actually let it slide or not is up to how hotheaded you want him to get.

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tiesandtea · 3 years

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An in-depth & really interesting review of Head Music’s various - often forgotten but actually brilliant - b-sides. Originally posted on The Vapour Trail London blog on 20 November 2019.

The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

Full article under the cut.

Coincidentally coinciding with the recent release of Brett Anderson’s second memoir ‘Afternoons with the Blinds Drawn’, Suede have issued the 20 year deluxe edition of their fourth album, ‘Head Music’. Their final number one album to date was issued in May of 1999 to much fanfare, following in the footsteps of their classic ‘Coming up’ in 1996, a record that spawned no less than five top ten singles and saw them achieve astronomical fame across Europe and Asia (indeed, Anderson remains a genuine celebrity in parts of Scandinavia as a direct result). Whilst ‘Head Music’ was a hit, its making has gone down in the annals of history as being even more fraught and littered with personal scandal than even that of their second album, ‘Dog Man Star’, the record that infamously served as original guitarist Bernard Butler’s swan song. The chief reason was Anderson’s spiralling addictions to heroin and crack, which in the eyes of the singer served to influence what he and many others deem the patchiness of the record. Indeed, when Suede first reissued their heyday albums back in 2011, Brett would include within the sleeve notes his own rewritten track listings in each, citing Suede’s fervent devotion to ensuring that their B-sides were up to the same quality as their singles and album tracks, thus costing the associated albums some potential improvements. Songs from the album that often raise debate amongst its makers and listeners include ‘Asbestos’, ‘Elephant Man’, and the almost universally-derided title track, a scrappy, crappy exercise in suggestiveness that even producer Steve Osborne initially refused to have anything to do with.

Perhaps due to all of this, the resultant B-sides of the album’s singles have been lost in time somewhat. Whereas the B-sides associated with the first three albums reached legendary status in such a short space of time that the band issued a compilation double album of nearly all of them in 1997, ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’, their 1999 counterparts are rarely spoken of within the same reverent breath. I would argue that this is vastly remiss to the point of sacrilege as, taken in one listenable chunk, they serve to create what on its own would be an incredible record.

But before we investigate further, it’s worth exploring the genesis of Suede’s musical direction at this point. As Brett and the band have noted many times over the years, Suede sought to follow each album with a record almost diametrically opposed to its predecessor stylistically. The kitchen sink gutter glam of their groundbreaking debut was consciously followed by an ambitious, widescreen and darker ‘Dog Man Star’, the pretension and bluster of which was then followed by a strict album of ‘ten singles’ in ‘Coming Up’. Each time, at least one B-side would serve as a blueprint for what would follow; 1993’s ‘High Rising’ and ‘The Big Time’ served very much of signposts for what would follow in 1994, and then again in 1995, Richard Oakes’ sexy glam pop of ‘Together’ would point the band towards ‘Coming Up’ in 1996. Here, they would seek to expand upon the sonic direction of Mat Osman-penned ‘Europe is Our Playground’, a song they so loved they reworked its arrangement live and subsequently re-recorded for the aforementioned B-Sides compilation of 1997. Caked in icy synths and led by a dub-inspired bass line, it signified something cold and electronic, the desolate melancholy of ‘Dog Man Star’ reimagined by Kraftwerk or Berlin-era Bowie. The band promised this new direction in interviews and the public’s appetite was whetted.

Early in 1998, as part of a Pet Shop Boys-curated tribute to Noel Coward’, the band released one of their prime hidden gems, a suitably synthetic and clinical version of the great writer’s ‘Poor Little Rich Girl’. Unfortunately this was shown to the masses on television via a mimed performance that saw an utterly wasted Anderson grinning inanely with zoned out eyes whilst trying not to fall off a chair. This performance distracted from the impressive song (also featuring the highly talented Raissa, who had supported Suede on their Coming Up tour, on vocals) and seemingly left no impression on anybody.

And so to fast forward to the album. The making of the record has been documented extensively not only in Anderson’s second autobiography but also in David Barnett’s authorised biography ‘Love and Poison’ and Mike Christie’s recent documentary set ‘The Insatiable Ones’. If you’re not familiar with the story, it is a jaw dropping tale of decadence, debauchery and depression, the likes of which have seemingly and thankfully been removed from the culture of music making today. Indeed, there’s not a lot of money around now for bands to blow on endless recording sessions fuelled by endless drug abuse. But what emerged was a flawed but often brilliant record that has stood the test of time well and honestly sounds as fresh as the day it was released. The album’s track list can and will continue to be debated but ultimately, had they shaved off two of the more superfluous numbers (I would argue that the title track serves no purpose as does the turgid closing track ‘Crack in the Union Jack’), it would likely be held in the same high regard as the vast portion of their other records. But we won’t dwell on that here.

First single ‘Electricity’ was accompanied by no fewer than five b-sides, all of which carry some merit. ‘Popstar’, a concise lyrical study of the relationship between fan and band, contains the kind of crystalline synths and dubby bass that the band had sought to highlight with their two musical blueprints prior to the album. Richard Oakes’ guitar parts are sparser than ever before but serve the song well, and the chorus is cold and epic in a way that takes the song from good to great. ‘Killer’, complete with a lyric that seems to expand upon the ficitonlised femme fatale of ‘Coming Up’s ‘She’, is more impressive still; a dark, brooding slice of electro-noir that slinks and stalks in the manner suggested by the song’s lyric. It builds and builds to a desperate crescendo and brings to mind the best of Depeche Mode at their ‘Violator’ zenith. ‘See That Girl’, complete with yearning Anderson vocals lamenting ‘this dog shit world’, is less impressive but still good. A real undersung high point of the time is the Neil Codling-written and sang ‘Waterloo’, an electronic folk classic that sees some beautifully melodic guitar lines almost acting as choruses, and a tenderness rarely reached by the band. The fifth and final b-side (it was on the minidisc – yes, minidisc – version of the single), is ‘Implement Yeah!’, an old co-write with Justine Frischmann where Brett parodies Mark E Smith to amusing effect over a gutter-punk thrash that the band premiered with Justine at the 1997 Reading Festival.

‘She’s in Fashion’ followed in 1999 and quickly became one of the band’s better known songs via endless radio play that perhaps contributed to it being their first single since ‘New Generation’ in 1995 not to reach the top ten. Looking back, I imagine the fact that you could walk into any shop at any time during that Summer and be exposed to it as one reason why fewer people bought it than they might otherwise. The B-sides rank among the band’s very best. ‘Bored’ continues where ‘Implement Yeah’ left off with a Stooges-like guitar thrash adorned by sweet synths and a classically anthem Suede chorus. During an interview at the end of 1999, Mat Osman threatened a harder, rockier direction for the next album which never did come to fruition and it’s possible that this would have been one of its blueprints. ‘Pieces Of My Mind’ is better still, and a rehearsal recording of it sounding very different can be found on the new reissue. Taking its cue from ‘Europe is Our Playground’, it is a dreamlike wander through almost psychedelic electronica and its lilting chorus imprints itself on your mind immediately. ‘Jubilee’, a Codling creation, is one of the best of the era and would probably have made for a better first single than ‘Electricity’, a romantic epic that chugs along like ‘Trash’ and bears a dramatic and addictive chorus that would surely have been incredible live. Perhaps the lyric was somewhat off-putting to the band, a blank retread of other songs including the ‘run with me’ hook of the ubiquitous ‘Europe’. If so, this is a shame as if we are to be honest (and Brett has said so numerous times himself), the entire era was marred by some seriously autopilot lyricism that was charming in places in its framing of the Suede lyrical lexicon of language, and just plain boring in others. The single is rounded off by the gorgeous ‘God’s Gift’, a simplistic piano piece aided and abetted by swirling synths and understated bass that had been written by Brett about Justine many years before. As with a few of Suede’s records (most notably the first album), the spectre and influence of Ms Frischmann lurks around the songs of this era but in perhaps a much more positive way; the two had rekindled their friendship prior to the making of the album and it was Justine’s love of new wave that inspired some of the music.

‘Everything Will Flow’, the great lost ballad of the era in the same way as ‘The Wild Ones’ had been five years prior, saw an interesting bag of B-sides attached that differed in style in a far more pronounced way than the two earlier singles. ‘Leaving’, which Brett sees as the ultimate casualty of this period, is prime Suede in its romantic portrait of a girl departing relationship for a new life, although the underlying sentiment is entirely opposite of that of ‘Another No One’ in 1996. Although still featuring synthesised textures, its abundance of gentle guitar and piano is much more organic and not only serves as an appropriate backing to the not dissimilar ‘Flow’ but also as a subtle nod to where the band would go next. ‘Weight of the World’ is entirely a Neil Codling construction as with the earlier ‘Digging a Hole’ on the ‘Lazy’ single of 1997, however here he is eschews piano in favour of nylon strung guitar. Ruminating on the idea of his own demise, the song finds Neil in introspective form and perhaps shows a window into how he must have been feeling at the time, his health suffering significantly during the making of the record resulting in a chronic bout of ME of which he would never fully recover. It is sad and beautiful and at the time I wondered whether he would one day make a solo record. To date, he never has. ‘Seascape’ is up next, an ambient instrumental piece at odds with the majority of Suede’s output (indeed I believe this is Suede’s sole instrumental within their canon). Pleasing and dreamy in a subtly Eno-esque way, it lures you into a false sense of security for what would follow. The final song of the ensemble is the shocking and brilliant ‘Crackhead’. Noted by Q at the time for its outlandish appeal, it remains one of the most captivating songs in Suede’s history. Built around a staccato electronic motif, it lurches and grinds in a manner the band never achieved before or since, as a hoarse Anderson vocal tears apart his own addiction to the ice with suitable ice. At the time, Brett was in recovery, however this sounds like an isolated howl from the depths of dependence. It roars and builds to a final shrieking chorus of ‘you can’t give it up’ which says all that really needed to be said.

The final single of the era, ‘Can’t Get Enough’, another candidate for what should have previewed the album in place of ‘Electricity’, limped to number 24 in the charts but boasted perhaps the greatest array of B-sides of all the singles. In archetypal Suede fashion, ‘Let Go’ cut an honest precursor to the musical way forward, which would culminate in the predominantly folky ‘A New Morning’. Three-layered harmonies and melodic acoustic strum back one of Richard Oakes’ finest guitar performances, chiming and chugging riffery that would be revisited on later single ‘Obsessions’. Brett’s lyrics convey an all-pervaying positivity minus the bland triteness of the single of the same name, capping off an irrestible euphoria that would be deemed suitable for release as an A-side in their commercial home from home that was Sweden. It’s a shame that they were unable to replicate the feeling of the song across the subsequent ‘A New Morning’ album, however upon reflection the fault may lie in the fact that said album would be over-produced to the point of clean-cut nothingness by the otherwise accomplished Stephen Street. Next song ‘Since You Went Away’ is folkier still and retains much of the same charm, with Brett lamenting the feeling of loss felt in the aftermath of a realtionship break-up. Again, this is truly lovely stuff and acts as a further blueprint for album number five that would never quite be capitalised on. Heading over to CD2, ‘Situations’ is powered by a synthesised Eastern motif and ponders the ‘lonely minds’ and ‘vacant stares’ typical of Anderson’s lyrics of the time. While slightly over long, it would have worked on ‘Head Music’ had it been the more darker record the band initially promised, and even to these ears sounds somewhat influential on final Suede single (at the time), 2003’s ‘Attitude’. The very final B-side of this era is the brilliant and biting ‘Read My Mind’. As with ‘Crackhead’, it reveals a starker, harsher sound complimented by the blank words defining a phase of depression, most likely revealing the way the writer was feeling at the time. The chorus harmonies add to the relentlessness of the piece and once it’s over, you’re honestly left wanting more.

So these B-sides make up the lost record of 1999 whilst also pointing towards Suede’s final record of their first run. The rockier record that Osman hinted at was surely influenced by the likes of ‘Bored’, ‘Crackhead’ and ‘Read My Mind’, whilst the likes of ‘Let Go’, ‘Leaving’ and ‘Since You Went Away’ were very definitely influences on what eventually did surface. The folklore of early Suede and the B-sides compilation ‘Sci Fi Lullabies’ would lead the casual observer to believe that the band had peaked creatively to the point that post-1997 B-sides would not be worth investigating, however I believe differently and now, thanks to the reissues of ‘Head Music’, these can now be easily accessed for wider reappraisal.

#suede #head music #happy HM anniversary!#head music review

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yandere-daydreams · 4 years

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I’d def love an oc concept sheet for the subjects like yes please give me some good fucking food

Behold, the Core Curriculum!!! I thought I may as well start with the most important boys and girls! (Picrews Used Here: x x x x)

Subject: Mathematics

Name: Milo Brooks

Type: Possessive and Sadistic, and whiney about both.

~This guy. Fuck this guy.

~He probably started as your bully, or the average, every-day jerk you had to put up with. He’s not very tactful with his aggression, always cornering you or pushing you into walls, but never knowing what to say when he has you pinned. He wants to see you cry, and he wants to hear that cute little voice of yours pleading with him to stop. Milo doesn’t really think about it, beyond that.

~Milo skips feeding you, a lot. He wants you to think of being alive as a privilege, even if it’s a privilege you don’t care to have, on his worst days. You’ll have to beg for water, for a bed, for his attention when you begin to think you’ve been left in his basement to rot. He isn’t very nice about it, calling you needy, pathetic, but you weren’t the one crying into his chest last night.

~The type of asshole to go on and on about how much smarter he is than everyone else. He probably took Calculus. Fucking Nerd.

~You’d say he wanted to frustrate you, if you didn’t know better. There’ll always be a rule he ‘forgot’ to mention, something he wanted that you didn't give him. You’re the one who failed, the one who let him down, the one who isn’t good enough. He doesn’t take an opposing view very kindly, either.

~His punishments are as damaging mentally as they are physically. He’ll guilt you as he picks a leg to break or a patch of your skin to burn, telling you how this wouldn’t be happening if you behaved, how you should’ve done that earlier or asked for his help with something you didn’t know you were doing wrong. By the time he’s putting your newly fractured ankle into a splint, you might start to believe it, too.

Subject: Science

Name: Elizabeth Bennett

Type: Obsessive and Voyeuristic, but stolen pens will be the least of your worries.

~She’s very sweet! I mean, you might not like her, considering all the torture, but she really is very, very sweet!

~Mental Health is one of her many divisions, so you’ll only receive the up-most care. Your room is always spotless, always sunny and open, and there’s plenty of toys for you to play with! She makes sure you have the newest gaming systems, all the books your little heart could want, and something new is only a smile and a kiss away.

~She takes you outside, too, but only under strict supervision. Usually, she’ll be happy with holding your hand or being able to see you, but if her lovely, lovely lab rat wants to make a run for it, she won’t be opposed to getting you a new leash.

~Can’t cook. Like, at all. That being said, she would adore watching you make something for just the two of you. If you don’t want to, it’s fine! The kitchen is full of all sorts of sharp things she can use to encourage you.

~Elizabeth is the kind of girl who loves everything about you. You can’t throw anything away without asking her, just in case she treats it as a ‘keepsake’, and there will always be a camera on you. One of her favorite things to do is to take you into her ‘special room’, sit you in her lap and re-watch of her favorite moments with her favorite sweetheart! If you don’t seem happy, she’ll be very sad, so it’s better to put on a smile and act as excited as she is.

~Of course, she wants to know everything there is to know about you. She doesn’t like hurting you, but if keeping you under her scalpel as she takes you apart brings her closer to you, how is she supposed to resist? It's so... intimate, to her, how your blood stains her skin, how she'll know every part of you like the back of her hand, soon enough. Your screams are just so pretty, and she’ll take really good care of you, afterward. Just don’t blame your injuries on her. She tends to get… emotional rather quickly.

Subject: History

Name: Rin Hirota

Types: Possessive and Jealous, but mostly annoying.

~Look at that face. He probably only reads fiction if it’s based in World War Two. He is, at the risk of repeating myself, a nerd.

~He’s seems normal, and for the most part, he is normal. It’s just… Rin gets jealous, and he gets jealous easily. It’s who he is. You’ve known it since your first date, when he clung to your side a little tighter and spoke a little louder whenever your attention strayed, like he couldn’t stand to see you thinking about someone else. He’d never say such a thing out loud, but he isn’t all that subtle, either.

~Praise is going to be necessary, if you don’t want to deal with a temper tantrum. He wants you to comment on everything he does in that sweet, sugary tone, regardless of how honest you’re being. It’s addictive, how you treat him so highly. But, he’s willing to make everyone else seem awful, to achieve this. Sure, he’s not the best, but he’s not a monster, unlike them. Just look at how they’re eyeing you up, how disrespectful they are. Obviously, he’s the only person worth spending time with.

~Gaslighting is going to be extremely common, by the way. Whenever there’s an argument, or he says something you don’t like, he’ll let you yell and fuss for a few minutes before he walks away, only coming back hours later to go on about how wrong you were, and how he forgives you, even if he was the one being irrational. It’s not worth the energy it takes to correct him, he’s so persistant when it comes to his version of things, so just… grin and bear it. He isn’t very happy when you don’t.

~You caught him jerking off to a picture of your ankle, once. This is an example of when he begins gaslighting you.

~He won’t kidnap you, if you’re looking for a silver lining. He doesn't have to. You can't risk being with anyone else, you’ve heard such terrible things about them, but Rin never lets you believe the awful, awful rumors people spread about him. He never lets you go, even if there are rough spots, and you’re sure that’s more than all the people you used to talk to would do for you. Rin told you that himself

Subject: English

Name: Oliver Laurent

Type: Obsessive and Delusional, which is just another way of saying he’s clingy.

~He’s soft, he’s so soft. He’ll faint if you hold his hand too tightly, and that’ll never change.

~He doesn’t think of himself as a stalker, but he absolutely is. Oliver just thinks it so romantic to leave those hearts drawn on your hand for when you wake up, or cuddle up to you when you’re sleeping too restlessly for him to do so. He spends a lot of time with you when you’re asleep, come to think of it. You’re just so beautiful, in any state of consciousness.

~Love letters will be important, too. Oliver likes it when you read them, when he gets to watch as you experience so many different feelings, all focused on him, but as long as you touch the envelope, he’ll be happy. He’ll remember to make a spare, next time, just as loving and just as beautiful as the initial copy. To leave on your bed, in case you’re too embarrassed to read his confessions in public and tear it up, again.

~’Reading Time’ is required and it’s never pleasent. All his favorite books are Classics, and he reads them again and again and again, to the point where you’ll have Of Mice And Men memorized by your second month with him

~You can hurt him, if you want to. Punch him, bite him, call him a freak... he doesn't like it, but craves your attention like a drug. It doesn’t matter whether it’s positive or negative, painfully of blissful, he needs something, and he needs it often. He’ll be smiling as long as your skin is on his, even if your touch leaves such nasty marks.

~I don’t think he’s ever seen the sun. He just doesn’t see the appeal. The only time he ever really gets mad is when you ask to go outside, because he’s read The Collector and he knows what you must be planning. There’s nothing outside, you don’t have to go outside. If you aren’t happy with your room, then you must not be happy with him, which means you don’t love him and I don’t think he can take that, either.

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dodgergilmore · 4 years

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1: Also I would VERY MUCH love to hear more of your thoughts on season 3. It always annoys me to NO END how people who hate them think that fans love them for their season 3 relationship despite the fact that other fans have mentioned numerous times that it's not because they thought their relationship was perfect, but that they didn't get a real chance where both of them were at a better place in their life.

Continued: It's very obvious in the season that their relationship actually DOES work in the sense that they get along when there's no outside pressures in the form of Lorelai/Dean, that they actually like spending time with each other and do dates, but the issue is that we never got enough of that, only the big arguments were placed in the forefront which imo is unfair because it further gives people 'proof' that Dean saying that Jess treats her 'like trash' is true, when in fact it's very much not (also it's just obvious shipper bias how many people, particularly r*gans love focusing on the negative aspects of Lit but just sweep aside all the issues Logan has in seasons 5/6, hell even in season 7 with how he proposed to Rory and then immediately ended their long term relationship when she couldn't say yes to him). It's also more than justified for fans to be intrigued of the possibility of older Lit when both Jess and Rory have their own lives that are more separate from the influence of Stars Hollow/Jess's turbulent past, because not only is Jess more mature, more open and just more stable and sure of himself, Rory now has to make decisions for herself and not based off of what Lorelai or anyone else says for her to do. And, although I'm in the minority with this opinion, even though Rory's writing in AYITL was awful in terms of fleshing out how and just why she is at this state, without allowing people to be more sympathetic, I'm not gonna suddenly go against her being with Jess simply because people think he 'pined' for her all these years when it's clear that he's not holding his life back for her, but merely in his own way, will always love her. And what I mentioned about her and Jess finally having a relationship that isn't influenced by anyone outside of it still stands for this, especially when Rory's gotta put her life back together now and Jess would imo offer support, the same way she tried to do it when he was younger and unsure of his capabilities. But yeah even discrediting AYITL, an adult relationship between them would truly be a positive thing

Okay I’ve had my morning coffee so I am ready + this is definitely going to warrant a read more!

Exactly!! I have never seen anyone claim their season 3 relationship was great. We don’t get to see them just be happy and hanging out together – even though we’re explicitly told they’re together often – unless it’s to set up conflict and I think a big part of that comes from the fact that Milo was already being written out of the show before the characters even got together.

They’ve always liked just spending time together and I love how that ends up being a constant thread throughout their relationship, be it in a romantic context or not, with season 4 being an obvious exception but at that point they were still confronting the completely unresolved ending to their relationship. But anyway, getting back to season 3...

Let me just repeat myself here: Dean cast a looming shadow over the entirety of the Rory and Jess relationship in season 3. That’s not to say that they would have been together forever if Dean hadn’t been there because I think it was inevitable for their paths to diverge (and eventually come back together!) – of course it would have been nice for them to grow together but in terms of canon, I actually like that they got to experience life independent of each other. However, Dean’s presence definitely exacerbated the issues in the Rory and Jess relationship. (I don’t mean to frame this in a way that everything wrong with Rory and Jess’ relationship has to do with Dean, I’m just examining the ways in which his role in the narrative had an influence on their relationship)

The Dean/Rory/Jess love triangle had been building up for almost a year by the time we get to 3x07 so we as viewers are ready for it to culminate in a big, dramatic, exciting way and it certainly delivers in that regard because it made for good television but it’s a shaky starting point for Rory and Jess. Before Rory even has time to cry to her mother, or even just tell her mother about the breakup with Dean, she’s already swept up in a new relationship. For that reason, an interesting “what-if” to consider is what if Dean had ended the relationship once he realised she liked Jess in 2x18? But that doesn’t happen, so from this point on Rory slowly becomes aware of her growing feelings for Jess while still being in a relationship with Dean and she feels guilty, obviously! Once she’s with Jess, she feels like she has to make things right with Dean. On top of that, Rory was always being told by the town and her mother about how Dean was the perfect boyfriend and, oh, she was so lucky to have him as her first boyfriend! Regardless of how false that whole narrative rings to me as a viewer, this puts Rory in a position where she is always comparing Jess to Dean; by Rory’s own admission in 3x09 she says she feels like the town is watching them and she’s right, they are watching! There is this pressure put on her to have her life perfectly together, which is an impossible and even damaging standard to be placing onto any teenager. At this point, Lorelai is still heavily involved in Rory’s romantic life but because Lorelai plays friend more often than mother, she has always made her stance on Jess very clear and consequently, Rory doesn’t feel she can talk openly to her mother when she has issues with Jess and this is unfamiliar territory for Rory. In the first episode with Rory and Jess together, Lorelai is already saying things like, “But I never expected you to be with Dean forever, just like I don’t expect you to be with Jess forever.” As much as she says she’s supportive, Rory never actually feels her support. For these reasons, we don’t get to see much of Rory addressing or confronting her relationship with Jess throughout season 4 – we see her play it cool or “stoic” with Lorelai and the townies but we see it’s an act to some extent when talking with Lane in 4x22 or with Jess – “I have actually thought about this moment. A lot.” that whole speech she gives feels like it’s been something she’s been holding onto for a while and never been able to vocalise. Back to season 3: Rory feels she has to hide things from Jess like she did with Dean because she was always trying to avoid a fight with him (which is.....☹️), failing to realise that Jess is not Dean, and thus begins the miscommunication problems throughout their relationship. All of this to say... Rory has no other point of reference for relationships, so I understand where she is coming from during season 3!

Now for Jess we go back to the 3x07 for a moment: obviously this is all open to interpretation but he looks very surprised and also somewhat guilty during the very public Dean and Rory breakup, which I take to mean... he never wanted it to happen, nor expected it to happen, like this. Jess is very aware of how the town and everyone in it views him in comparison to Dean; there’s an insecurity there for Jess “She picked you.” / “God knows why.” because she never actually did choose him and he doesn’t particularly like himself very much at this point. Which brings me to the point that Jess was simply not in a place to be in a relationship – his communication issues were there before he ever got into a relationship with Rory because it’s easier to not deal with things and allow people to have a low opinion of you so that you don’t disappoint them. He really thought the dinner with Emily would be a one and done thing, which highlights both his inexperience with relationships but also his misconception that this relationship could be just him and Rory, see also: “I don't wanna talk to anybody else. I don't like anybody else.” As much as he may love Rory and Luke, they can’t be Jess’ sole support system and he has a lot of personal growing to do. If we are to assume Jimmy was always going to show up in late season 3, I think that’s something that Jess was always going to want to see through. He definitely makes efforts to do better, particularly after 3x15 (there is no way he or Luke didn’t hear that voicemail...) is when we actually see them at their most chill as they’re having movie nights, they’re talking about Rory’s future at Yale, Lane is supportive, Jess is ready to go to prom without complaints, etc. He went after Rory once she leaves the bedroom in 3x19 but the moment he sees Dean, he gives up and we’re back to the looming shadow that is Dean. Without that shadow, I think they could have at least ended things on better terms.

Rory saying, “I don’t want to deal with this.” after seeing Jess in his car in 4x12 really is a good summation of their romantic relationship lmao 🙃

That proposal really was so.........yikes!!

Yeah, I have never gotten the impression that Jess has been pining after Rory all these years. I remember coming onto the internet after watching AYITL and being so confused by how heated people were with regard to that parting look in Fall. From everything we saw – which was very little, admittedly – Jess seems very content with his life and in a place of stability, continuing to mature and better himself since the last time we saw him. For what it’s worth, my interpretation of The Window Look(tm) is that Jess meant it when he told Luke that he was over Rory, and it’s not something he had been consciously thinking about until he went to the window and was like, “Hm..........” and the fact that they hadn’t seen each other in so many years before Summer is actually kind of... reassuring to me? I guess in my mind, once they become consistent figures in each other’s lives then it becomes more difficult to understand why they aren’t together because it would progress into more. “What’s it been, four years?” / “Maybe more?” does not have to set their futures in stone, leaving no room for development.

I’ve probably said it before but the whole story of first, it was Rory offering Jess support when he was sorting himself out and lacking the stability for a relationship; then it’s Jess offering Rory support when she is sorting out her life and lacking stability is just a very compelling story for me! The parallels! The star-crossed aspect of it all! I would like to see it dot gif

#ask #like i REALLY could not have fit all that into the tags of my last gifset lmao #and now i need a slight break before i answer the next message in my inbox #fayesgifs #oh i messed up the read more #anti dean

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acustardduckling · 3 years

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Speaking of QueenRune, today I feel brave enough to share with you one of their shipfics. It does cover a few miscellaneous things about Queenie herself (you know, like that she occasionally has dizzy spells) so it might be worth your while. Or... Maybe you like this OC ship as much as I do???

As always, Alarune belongs to @thegoldendoorknob. Writing under the cut! This is before they date, and they pretend like nothing happened for a while afterward...

“Can you stand?”

“Just—give me a moment—”

“Don’t rush.”

Normally it would be idyllic, reclining in Alarune’s arms, resting against her bosom – if Queenie didn’t feel quite so awful, that is. It was hard to appreciate an intimate moment while teetering on the verge of consciousness. She shudders a sigh. At least they’re in her family garden and not out in public. “This is humiliating. Did anyone see?”

Evidently, this was the wrong thing to ask.

“Trust you—trust you to be worried about that!” Though clearly angry, it sounds like Alarune is fighting back tears. She composes herself before continuing; “No. Nobody saw you fall. Did you eat breakfast this morning?”

“I ate breakfast … on Tuesday.”

“For the love of—” Alarune tightens her hold, then sighs. “You need to look after yourself. This is the third time.”

“I didn’t pass out, so it’s not a ‘time’.”

“Queenie.”

Instead of retaliating, Queenie wilts, pressing her head against her friend’s clothes. She rests there, momentarily shutting her eyes. “…Okay. I can stand now. But I’m very tired.”

Steadily, Alarune helps her to her feet, ever so cautious in case Queenie’s legs buckle again. “There, lean on me.” Her tone is gentle – but not for long, as she sharply adds, “We’re going to the kitchen, and I’m getting you some water.”

“I’m fine now, Runey—”

“You are not fine.”

After a series of further squabbles and protests, Queenie is dragged to the kitchen. Because it’s early afternoon, none of the staff are present, though the majority were fired a long time ago. Next to the island countertop stands a lone stool, small and humble in comparison to the massive mansion kitchen. Alarune unceremoniously slumps Queenie upon it. “Now stay put.”

The reply comes as a defeated wail, which Alarune chooses to ignore. She begins filling up a glass in the nearby sink. Queenie slouches over, head resting on arms, but she’s watching with eagle-eyes. Even when it’s the person she trusts the most, she has to watch. No choice about it. It doesn’t take long.

“I’m going to make you something to eat,” says Alarune, placing the glass on the countertop. She folds her arms. “But drink first.”

Ever so slowly, Queenie props herself upright and raises the glass to take a sip. It’s refreshing, and she feels better for it, but she doesn’t want to admit as much. “You shouldn’t make me anything—it’s not your job. It’s not becoming.”

“It’s not ‘becoming’ of you to starve yourself, either!”

Queenie hesitates. Her head droops. It’s not like she didn’t have her reasons – but it wasn’t like she was doing anything to overcome those reasons, either. On the inside, she was just as frustrated with herself. “…you’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Honestly, you should really try to—wait, what?”

“I said I’m sorry.”

The apology comes as such a surprise that Alarune places a hand on Queenie’s head to check her temperature.

“Cold as always?” the dragon-hybrid asks dryly.

“Hm.” A noncommittal response. The hand is removed. “…You’d better eat. Something simple, like a sandwich. What do you normally have on them?”

“I like salmon paste.”

“Salmon paste?” Alarune wrinkles her nose at the thought, but she relents. “Just this once, I’ll make it for you. But only because you’re weak and need to eat. From here on out, I expect you to make your own salmon paste sandwiches.”

“Can you … cut it diagonally too?” asks Queenie, hamming up her exhaustion a little too much. Alarune gives her a look, but doesn’t decline. She slinks over to one of the kitchen’s enormous fridges and begins the task.

Much like before, Queenie watches attentively. To her, it feels strange. Why not refuse? Alarune has no obligations. She’s not being paid. She can’t be fired.

The salmon paste, bread, plate, and knife are placed on a counter away from the kitchen island, to the left. Queenie can see the sandwich being made, but it’s harder for her to see Alarune’s face. Regardless, she can sense her disgust. It made the act all the more baffling.

“…Runey, you’re a saint.”

Alarune pauses for a moment, but she doesn’t turn around to reply. “I’m doing bare minimum.”

“Well no, but—you’re doing it.”

“People do things for you all the time.”

It’s true, but it feels different. Queenie feels a lump forming in her throat and downs more water to swallow it. The right words are difficult to find. “Yes, but not because they want to. You … you care about me.”

A sigh. “Maybe I do.”

“And I care about you too, Runey. I want—I want to do things for you. You’re always helping me, but I want to help you.” Queenie’s voice is trembling, but she still wants to drive the point home. “Because you’re … you’re my very special best friend!”

There’s a heavy silence.

“I see the delirium is getting to you.” Alarune slices the sandwich in two – diagonal, as Queenie had requested. It’s finished.

“It’s not. I really mean it...” Any strength behind Queenie’s voice peters out, and she drops her arms to her sides. “Runey…”

Alarune takes this as cue to bring the plate over, putting it down with a gentle clink. “There. Salmon paste.”

Before she can draw back, Queenie grasps onto her arm. “Please—wait."

Another moment of silence. This time, Alarune lowers herself. She meets eye level, and seems a touch flushed, but acts guarded about it. “What? What is it you want me to say?”

“I don’t want you to say anything.” Queenie’s grip loosens. “I just want to thank you.”

She leans forward.

Queenie anticipates some resistance – she’s expecting a brisk slap, in fact – but Alarune’s lips meet hers with surprising enthusiasm. It’s soft, and sweet, but very brief.

As soon as they part, both quickly turn away. Queenie stares down hardcore at the countertop, and Alarune leans far, far back onto her tail.

“Alright.”

“Well then.”

“Eat your sandwich.”

#not on the erryton blog because QueenRune hasn't exactly happened there yet #although this could've i guess?????? in a way???#OC Stuff #Queenie #Alarune isn't my OC but I wonder if I should give her a tag at this point #QueenRune

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hillbillyoracle · 4 years

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Dealing with Stress When You Live in a Rough Place

This isn't necessarily tarot or shadow work, but I wanted to write a little bit about strategies I've found useful for dealing with my neighborhood in it's current state. All of this can apply to managing stress generally but I'm focusing on folks in my boat. I'm incredibly sleep deprived so it's going to be rambly - I'm warning you now. But hopefully this helps someone.

I've shared a little bit about what's been going on in other posts; we hear shootings at least weekly, people will play loud music so loud the window rattle really late at night, all out brawls have broken out in the parking lot, our neighbors bang against the walls even in the middle of the night, most our neighbors have made it clear they don't like us because we're gay, we've had our car broken into at least 2 in the last month, kids have taken to beating our cars with sticks, climbing on and under them, screaming in front of our house, beating on our door and running off - like y'all it's a lot!

I talk about this so folks can know where I'm coming from. Some folks read this and they're horrified, some folks are going to read that and be like fuck that's tame. How hard a situation looks really does depend on what your normal is and how you were raised. For me, it's pretty intense. I was raised in out in the country so I didn't grow up living really close to people like I have to here in the city. And country neighborhoods have their own brand of rough, do not underestimate it, but most of what I've compiled here is going to be about living in close proximity with other people in areas with high crime rates.

Mindset Shifts

The Sooner You Accept Your Lack of Control - The Better

And I mean really accept it. Not just intellectually understanding that there's not anything you can do, but getting as okay with that as you can manage. For folks who are already traumatized that's a whole lot harder to do. Living in a space that traumatizes you daily will also make that harder as time goes on. But it's been some of the most important work I've done while living in a place that this. Sometimes I cope by being very public about what I'm going through, sometime I cope by

Sensory Management is Not a Luxury, It is a Necessity

This has become overwhelmingly clear to me that sensory overload in rough neighborhoods is a wildly underdiscussed health issue. There's measurable health differences in people who are exposed to a lot of noise versus those who aren't. I'm autistic so this is something I have to do just to function but I've seen a huge shift in my girlfriend's mental health since living here too. Take it seriously and try to attend to it just like you would any other health concern, making it a part of your routine. This is where adapting Polyvagal strategies has come in handy.

Good is Still Good Even If There's a Ton of Bad

There are very few moments of pure joy in a neighborhood like this. One of the reasons that a gratitude practice has been genuinely helpful is that it's shown me how much good can get swept away in the tidal wave of crap in a place like this. So that I don't feel helpless or internalize how worthless places like this are designed to make you feel, I try to resist by reflecting on the good. IT helps me feel like my life still has meaning while I'm living here and it's not a waste to be right where I am right now.

I Am Not Failing Myself For Not Getting Sleep, Food, Safe, Etc

I'm lucky that we've been good on food but sleep and safety have been in short supply. I realized I often felt like I was a bad person for being in this situation where I couldn't sleep, I criticized myself for not being able to sleep through all the noise and getting worked up. I have to remind myself daily that I'm not failing myself for what I can't really control. I'm not a bad person because of what people around me choose to do.

Polyvagal Strategies Adapted

Nature

Ideally, when you're trying to regulate your nervous system, you'd want to get out into nature more. It's just flat out not accessible or safe to do so here. I'm lucky that my room faces a nice tree and when I'm getting stressed, I take some time to just sit and really look at it. I try to notice the details. I also really enjoy feeding birds on my window sill. I invested in a big bag of bird seed with some Christmas money that's lasted me at least a year now but I used to get bags for about 5 dollars at Kroger. If you can't get close to nature, lure it to you.

Need something totally free? You can also pull up livefeeds of bird feeders on YouTube. I used to watch them when I couldn't walk to put out birdseed. Still very helpful. Nature cams in general are great. Put on a nature doc like Planet Earth. Change your computer and phone backgrounds to have natural landscapes. Even just sketching landscapes and having landscape are around your space can help.

If you can buy some soil, dig some up, or swipe some from a public garden bed, you can grow some small plants on your window sill. You can grow a lot of seeds from vegetables and some fruits you get at the store. You can also collect seeds from trees and try to grow them (it's difficult, plant several at a time). Take cuttings of plants you can identify as safe. Extension services will also sometimes send seeds for free. Taking care of a plant really helps us spend more time in the restorative part of our nervous system.

Sound

At the intersection of sound and nature is nature noises. If you're trying to block out your neighbors anyways, nature noises are the best option. I've had the best luck rain and storm sounds. Water noises in particular have a calming effect on our nervous system. If I really need to block something out I'll layer a rain generator over some music I like (rain sounds + Elliot Smith = a vibe).

Music in general can have different activating and calming effects on our nervous system. Pay attention to what music activates you and makes you more likely to be in conflict with people when you listen to it and what music makes you more social. Physically relaxation is harder for me personally to gauge. As a person with trauma I can't always tell when my body is relaxing or not. So paying attention to how I treat others helps me check myself.

Temperature + Touch

When we're warmer, we tend to feel more socially connected than when we're cold. Put on some extra clothes, pile on the blankets, take a bath, or grab a space heater if you have one. It's worth increasing the temp a little if you're stressed. Too hot and we can begin to feel crowded out. So if you're feeling the need to flee, it's worth trying to cool off a little. I usually do this by splashing some cool water on my face.

While we crave touch from others, touch from ourselves also helps calm our nervous systems! Jin Shin Jyutsu has been super helpful for me. There are a few videos online. I recommend searching Facebook for a woman local to me - Jennifer Bradley. I took one of her in person classes before the pandemic and it's been very helpful especially around sleep. I think the only place she's got her recent videos up is on her Facebook page but they're worth tracking down. She's a very good teacher and just a very soothing presence in general.

There's some evidence that just imagining being hugged or held is calming on the nervous system. Some goes for imagining ourselves out walking in nature. Don't be afraid to spend time daydreaming!

Breath + Movement

A lot of unsafe neighborhoods make common advice like going for a walk completely out of the question. However, even just moving more around your space can help. Yoga has been very helpful to me. My partner finds bodyweight exercises really help her. Any movement you feel good doing counts. Including movement you imagine yourself doing as well.

Breathing is movement, or seems to have a similar effect at least. I really recommend checking out a few breath work strategies to use. You've always got your lungs on you so it's easy to use. I like the in for 4 counts, hold for 7, release for 8 pattern. Breath is a direct line to the nervous system and I try to do a breathing pattern several times a day just to regroup.

Cognitive Strategies

Journal Like Your Life Depends on It

I'm not joking. TMS journaling - journaling stream of consciousness very intensely for about 20-30 minutes and then destroying what you've written - has been key not only to me surviving this place but having fewer Fibro flares than when I was living in much calmer places. But honestly all journaling is helpful. I've been keeping a daily journal in Notion and that alone has been helpful. Making sure I've gotten as much as possible off of my mind throughout the day has helped so much. Find a journaling strategy that allows you to take the cognitive load of (or a few) and practice them as often as you can. Not into journaling? I used to take videos of myself talking into the camera and save or delete them depending on whether I wanted to come back to them. Are words rough? Draw your feelings or scenes as you saw them.

Find the Story That Works

There are a bunch of conflicting ideas about what the right view of trauma and the story of it is. I personally really hate any narrative that places me as a victim. For better or worse, I like to look at what I've learned in any giving situation. So in my current situation, when I'm overwhelmed, I remind myself that I'm only getting a glimpse of what some people in places like this go through. It's increasing my empathy and expanding my awareness which allows me to better serve others. It's made me more committed to keeping my materials accessible over profiting. There's been a lot of benefit when I frame it that way. And that works for me. If that story isn't helpful for you - work to find a frame to narrate your experiences - as they're happening - that help you feel more whole.

Conclusion

I'm not sure if these strategies will work for other people but I wanted to at least have something out there than people could hopefully find if they're struggling with the same thing. Basically, if you can't fix it - manage it. Find ways to make the experience less traumatic if you're able to. Manage your sensory input. Do what you can with what you have where you are. Too many folks will tell you that you absolutely have to change your material circumstances before you can address mental health but for many of us that's just not possible. Or in the words of one of my favorite Buddhist teachers, Robina Courtin, "If you can do something, do something, but if you can't, what are you going to do?"

#polyvagal theory #trauma #urban poverty #coping methods #coping mechanism

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