#UH LEMME KNOW IF I NEED OTHER TAGS FOR THIS I THINK THOSE ARE THE BIG ONES HERE THOUGH

[todayisafridaynight]

I wanted to write in about my thoughts on Jo as a CSA survivor separately for a couple of reasons:

I already more or less have what I have to say on the topic in order thanks to talks with @starssystem and another friend [<3]

This is a massive tonal shift from anything else I could be discussing

This Is Massive In General For The Love Of God PLEASE Help Me

Obvious CSA CW for anyone else reading; I only discuss statistics, psychology, and the aftereffects seen in survivors here, but it's worth a warning.

With the disclaimers out of the way… I'd mentioned before I've only ever added one thing to Jo's background, and you were right: this is it! To me, there's so much thematic overlap in Jo's narrative with the experience of surviving CSA it's worth it to examine his character through the lens of that being the case. Of course, there are clearly-stated reasons for it all that Aren't That, but…

It's the pervasive guilt and shame, the lifelong secret that becomes too unbearable not to tell, the faulty coping mechanisms aimed at burying the trauma without having to face it, the reluctance to be sincere [vulnerable] and the lies and half-truths used to maintain the facade of invulnerability, the pursuit of power and control and the knee-jerk anger response when it's threatened, the pursuit of mastery over his body and the indifference to what happens to it. And the way a lot of it really does stem from a deeply traumatic childhood sexual experience from before either he or Ikumi understood what they were getting into, from before they could give informed consent.

Statistically, the further below the average age someone is for their first time, the likelihood of [at best] having been introduced to sex inappropriately and [at worst] having been abused at the time or earlier rises exponentially. Jo was 15 when Masato was conceived--possibly 14, since he was saying he "met" Arakawa at 15, and by then Masato was already born. To put this into perspective, since what ages register as concerning is largely cultural, the average age in the US and UK is 16-18. But in Japan, it's over 19.

To a Westerner [or even a heavily Westernized non-Westerner], having a kid at 15 is unfortunate, but not untenable; you've seen it on TV, you might know people like that, you might even be that kid or that parent. But in Jo's case, with him being 4 or 5 years younger than average, it's like if someone told you they had their first time--had a /kid/--at 13 or under. That's the equivalent discrepancy. That /is/ concerning, to me.

It's also something that's linked to negative outcomes in adulthood, partly because of the likelihood of forming bonds with poorly-adjusted peers. Jo specifically states he and Ikumi were only together because others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had back then. [As an aside, it's interesting to see him instinctively seek out a relationship where his pain would be understood without having to say anything--or one where he could assume it would, at any rate.]

When it comes to his relationship with Ikumi, I've always felt there was this "adult dynamic" between them--in the sense it feels like one that'd be more fitting for adults to get into than a couple of teens. It was, based on his wording, a primarily physical relationship neither of them expected to last even if they were living together. To me, it's one thing if you're fully convinced you're in love or you're experimenting or whatever and that results in an unplanned pregnancy, but it's another thing entirely to have such a bleak yet objective outlook on your relationship so young.

And it didn't have to be that way. He could've been just like Arakawa, head-over-heels in love with this girl who was The Only Good Thing He Had Going, or something like that. But the sheer contrast between how Arakawa was crazy about Akane and never forgot about her for the rest of his life, while Jo more-or-less-clearly didn't have feelings for Ikumi and can't bring himself to remember her name after living with her for at least a year and experiencing life-changing events with her…

It's notable to me that Arakawa maintains an interest in women while nearly every in-character interpretation I've seen makes Jo averse to women. Obviously, we don't really know that; it's probably just based on his general attitudes, his contrast with Arakawa, and maybe his immunity to Charm. But I think there's a reason a lot of people pick up on it and tie it to trauma rather than/in addition to a lack of interest in women.

I've talked about this through the lens of comphet already [and Jo being gay or ace or both would present other difficulties], but I can't overstate how notable it is on its own. We see Jo's response to traumatic events, and it's to become preoccupied with them, to investigate further if he has any leads. That's why he remembers every minute detail of the night Masato was born and the time he saw Arakawa attempt to comfort Masato when he was crying and hitting himself. I think it's also why he gets as far as he does when looking into Arakawa's death, and why he entrusts the search to Ichi. He never seems to manage to block them out, even if that's what he'd rather do--even if that's what he thinks he's doing.

So if he "[doesn't] even remember" the name of the mother of his child, I get the feeling there's something more going on. Like I've [probably] said in the past, Jo genuinely sounds traumatized by the relationship as a whole. More than anything else he's been through, and he's been through a lot. It's often the case that CSA survivors who are also survivors of other trauma view it as worse than anything else that happened to them.

And that's not to implicate Ikumi at all, I don't think it's a case of COCSA--everything I've said holds just as true for her, and she had to suffer the additional trauma of an unwanted pregnancy and childbirth, at that. Rather, I think it would make sense for something like CSA, which often incontrovertibly reconfigures one's relationship with sex and love, to be a factor in why they rushed into a something physical before they were mature enough to handle it.

Some victims end up having perfectly healthy experiences, some victims end up avoiding them, some victims end up re-victimized, and some victims end up with a mixed bag--there's a lot of variation. But some victims do end up having relationships like this and making mistakes like this, because that's all they know, or because they want to heal but don't [or don't know how to] go about it in a healthy way, at a healthy pace. And I definitely think if you recognize that's what the basis of your relationship was, that it all comes back to something you'd rather forget, it'd make sense to want to forget the relationship as a whole.

To that end, it's possible to come away from a relationship traumatized even if no one did anything wrong. I've [probably] talked about how the way Jo comforts her at the station feels like he's doing it for her sake and pushing his own feelings down, but neither of them is really buying it. If that's a pattern in their relationship, perhaps he wouldn't have been able to communicate if maybe what they were doing was dredging up bad memories, if he wanted to stop but didn't think she did. So to go through with it, then get the news months later…

Either way, the fact Ikumi couldn't bring herself to tell him she was pregnant until nothing could be done would, for Jo, invariably cement the feeling he has no control over what happens around him. I think the sense of powerlessness he felt is why he blew up at her when she told him, because it's really the only time we see him lash out like that at her. At the park, he objects to going back for Masato, sure, but he's passive. And I think that unbroken pattern of powerlessness in his life [which CSA would only compound on] is why he's so reactionary, why he's so emotionally dysregulated, why he expresses his rage through what basically amounts to power-tripping.

But I do think Jo does have a great deal of awareness. A lot of his wording when he's telling Ichi about it borders on poetic, or at the very least candid and effective. That requires both prior reflection and a command of language. I think there's a lot he understands deep down, at least after sitting with it for long enough, but he isn't capable of voicing--or doesn't know how to voice--what's on his mind, most of the time.

So when he joins the Arakawa Family, when he rises the ranks and has that control back, his control has to be near-absolute. If it's undermined in any way--such as, for example, a certain someone failing to answer a call within two rings--he loses it. On the other side of the coin, I do feel a lot of why his devotion and gratitude towards Arakawa goes to the extent it does, why he's so comfortable with him, is because Arakawa gave him the safety of the Arakawa Family, gave him back his autonomy, gave him the environment--and treated him with enough humanity to give him the reason--to learn to regulate himself, to better himself.

And Arakawa /gets/ trauma. He really does. Aside from his own abusive background, literally the only time the word trauma comes out of any character's mouth in this series, it's Arakawa's. It comes back to Jo saying others who came from backgrounds like his own were all he had; that never changed, did it?

Lastly, For Funsies [<- LIE. COMPLETE LIE. TURN BACK NOW] I wanted to go through the items on this [CSA] Survivors' Aftereffects Checklist I could check off with near-certainty. 19/34, by the way, give or take. Now, as I said at the beginning, there are existing concrete reasons for why he has many of these experiences… but it's like the trans allegory with Masato, To Me… If I can check off over half the list based on a very limited backstory and an hour of screen time total, that's indicative of a notable overlap… TO ME…

Note that the book this list is from was published in 1990 and focuses on women's experiences. It was a huge step forward in giving survivors a voice back when a lot of existing research indicated CSA had neutral or even positive effects on children, but it's definitely a product of its time. With that out of the way…

Wearing a lot of clothing, even in summer […]

To be fair, most male characters in RGG are fully-covered and have near-unchanging designs, and it's winter in both 2000/2001 and presumably 2019, but… when it comes to Jo, it feels a little different.

He does have Some Heavage in his twenties [although the necklace takes the attention off of his actual chest], but as time goes on, he shows less and less skin and adds more and more layers. When he has the gloves on, it leaves no skin exposed at all, and there's this direct symbolic correlation with secrecy that isn't there for other characters. And if you're wearing three layers of leather [or even one], you can neither feel what you're touching nor feel anything touch you.

Pure Speculation, but I just can't really see him underdressed for any occasion… That's why his fit in Day with the Sun is funny as hell but also… yeah…

As a behavior, if it's rooted in anything, it's probably rooted in having to hide signs of physical abuse, of course--but then he kind of already had an excuse, with how he was constantly getting into fights. I guess it depends on the specifics, but I think it's interesting to consider this as one way CSA victims attempt to regain control of their bodies, avoiding emotional discomfort at the cost of physical discomfort.

Self-destructiveness

It's nothing super overt, but I see this most clearly represented in his second boss fight in particular; his willingness to wield a blade bare-handed while using enough force he could very well render his hand useless. I think it's potentially also evident in how he has severe cataracts he chooses to ignore and allow to worsen, despite having the reasons and resources to undergo surgery to restore his vision. In doing so, he literally and figuratively blinds himself to so much.

I also kind of think the assassination of Hoshino/the anonymous call and The Eye Scene are examples of self-sabotage. I mean, he literally was sabotaging himself in the former, but it's also the specific way he feels the need to be physically taken down in order to be stopped--possibly a holdover from RGGJo, who's only too happy to be beaten into a coma.

I don't know… It's hard to pinpoint, but I feel like he would be averse to most of the more "obvious" self-destructive behaviors--especially when he has people in his life who might notice and worry, like Ikumi and Arakawa. That and because many of them are addictive. He's seen what that's done to his father, and he's also developed this incredibly rigid sense of discipline he can't maintain if he doesn't have a clear head.

From how he talks about himself [as having lost his humanity and lived a half-assed life], I definitely think he's at the very least unkind to himself, but I also think he does externalize it by provoking others to harm him [in the case of physical fights] and reject him. Like he needs some kind of proxy perpetrator. For some abuse victims, this specific manifestation of self-destructive behavior is a way to regain control--whether or not you "deserved it" back then, you do now, as a direct, logical result of your actions.

Need to be invisible, perfect, or perfectly bad

I think each of these needs manifests in different ways for Jo. The need to be invisible can be seen with authority figures (mainly Aoki, but also Arakawa in The Yubitsume Scene, a little; how drastically he pulls back and tries to act "normal")--this relates to what you were talking about with being reluctant to intrude or take up space. If you fall under the radar, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfect can be seen in his seemingly "impossible" standards, I would say. Of course, because we see things from Ichiban's perspective, we tend to see them as unfair and often arbitrary demands. But they aren't arbitrary to Jo, are they? They're standards he holds himself to through and through. If you're good, maybe you won't get hurt.

The need to be perfectly bad can be seen in and relates to much of what I discussed under self-destructiveness [The Eye Scene and the way he antagonizes Ichiban specifically by making himself out to be worse than he is]. If you must get hurt, it can at least "make sense"--be "deserved."

Suicidal thoughts, attempts, obsession (including "passive suicide")

Obviously he's not like… Mine Levels Of Overtly And Consistently Suicidal, and he doesn't attempt suicide himself, but at the same time, I have to note his total ambivalence towards Aoki seeing him as a "bullet" (a kind of hitman sent on suicide missions). He agreed to what he himself viewed as a suicide mission and he didn't care what would happen to him afterward, as he says to Joon-gi, Zhao, and Adachi.

Aside from that, I certainly feel he's at least had passive thoughts like wanting to disappear or wishing he'd never been born. Y'know. Nothing concrete, but reflective of his mental state, and just as detrimental to dwell on long-term.

I think there's a sort of childishness [for lack of a better word] to thoughts like these [in that they're impossible], but also a level of maturity in that it probably doesn't escalate to something more actionable because he understands he has responsibilities he can't abandon. I think if he was ever seriously suicidal, it would be at the points of his life where he really didn't have any responsibility to anyone, like between Ikumi leaving and him joining the family, or after he was arrested.

Depression (sometimes paralyzing) […]

I'm trying not to over explain going forward because I Have BEEN Overexplaining It Is SUCH A Disaster… he's depressed If You Have Eyes And/Or Ears… I'll leave it at that…

Anger issues; inability to recognize, own, or express anger; constant anger […]

Lol

Rigid control of one's thought process; humorlessness or extreme solemnity

Relates back to what I was saying about how disciplined he is [and expects everyone else to be], but in general, he's incredibly, incredibly serious and focused. I don't think he's /entirely/ humorless [but then again, very few people are]; I just think his specific sense of humor is. Like. What Is Your Problem [I Know What Your Problem Is I Have Been Discussing It In EXCRUCIATING Detail But What The Fuck Is Your Problem]

Trust issues; inability to trust (trust is not safe); total trust; trusting indiscriminately

That's why he was planning on taking his secret to the grave, isn't it? It was only when faced with the realization it would soon be too late to say anything that he was able to tell Ichiban. He could've trusted Arakawa, should've been able to, but… in his mind he never could.

This book [and this checklist] is about "incest" actually, but it redefines "incest" to mean any instance of CSA perpetrated by any individual the victim trusts or has an expectation of being able to implicitly trust. Which… is most CSA as we understand it today, so I've edited some parts to just say that.

Anyway, I've never given much thought to the specifics of what Jo might've experienced--who did it, what happened, how long it went on, etc.--so there's no conclusion I can draw here [and elsewhere, I'm sure]… but even without that, to grow up unable to trust the one person who should be in his corner, his father, and to have his trust betrayed by Ikumi, it's no surprise Jo ended up like this either way. So… I'm happy he had the courage to tell Ichi, in the end.

High risk taking ("daring the fates"); inability to take risks

I think these are supposed to be mutually exclusive, but to me, Hoshino's assassination and Arakawa's assassination represent both sides of the coin, although they're not the only examples. There are risks Jo won't think twice about taking and risks that paralyze him.

Boundary issues; control, power, territoriality issues; fear of losing control; obsessive/compulsive behaviors (attempts to control things that don't matter, just to control something)

Lol…

Guilt, shame; low self-esteem, feeling worthless; high appreciation of small favors by others

Lmao Even…

Feeling demand to "produce and be loved"; instinctively knowing and doing what the other person needs or wants; relationships mean big tradeoffs (love was taken, not given)

I actually think this encapsulates a lot of what I've been saying about his work ethic, his ideas of discipline, and his relationship with Ikumi, but I also think it's why Masato took a liking to him. His attentiveness. It ties back into wanting to be perfect; when you're abused--especially long-term--you become attuned to observing and responding to any shifts in mood or tone. This is another area where I can't draw any conclusions relevant to my point, but it does certainly relate to his father's abuse, at any rate.

Abandonment issues

Kind of contentious… The anticipation of being abandoned by or losing someone he cares about appears to be worse than the actual experience. He's fine with Ikumi leaving him, and he's… not Fine With, but able to come to terms with Arakawa's death and Aoki's abandonment of him. At the same time, he really does try to make Ikumi's stay in his life comfortable, and he spends almost forty years doing his damnedest to keep his family together, whatever the cost. If I were to extrapolate from RGGJo, though, /he/ does have an obsessive, unhealthy attachment to Arakawa.

Blocking out some period of early years (especially 1–12); or a specific person or place

Ikumiiiiii that's what I'm SAYINGGGG

Feeling of carrying an awful secret; urge to tell, fear of its being revealed; certainty no one will listen; being generally secretive […]

Rofl Perhaps…

Denial; […] repression of memories; pretending; minimizing ("it wasn't that bad") […]

He admits to it himself. Not much else to say. Though I don't think he necessarily minimizes what he's been through by dismissing how bad it was; rather, he tends to overestimate his ability to move past it.

Pattern of ambivalent or intensely conflictive relationships (intimacy is a problem; also focus shifted from [CSA] issues)

Also kind of contentious… we don't see a pattern of romantic relationships, as I assume the author meant here, but at the same time, the romantic relationship and non-romantic relationships we do see fit this pattern. I guess I'd say I definitely think intimacy /would/ be a problem, and he /wouldn't/ be ready to address his issues.

Limited tolerance for happiness; active withdrawal from happiness, reluctance to trust happiness ("ice=thin")

The quote that prompted this ask in the first place. It's sort of connected to the point about humorlessness and extreme solemnity; if that was the "what," this is the "why." He doesn't know how to relax ["holidays don't exist" and all], he doesn't have much to be happy about, but even rarer is the occasion where he doesn't feel too conflicted in the moment to be able to enjoy himself. That's just how I see him.

[…] verbal hypervigilance (careful monitoring of one's words); quiet-voiced, especially when needing to be heard

EXACTLY what I was talking about in this ask, so I'm leaving that one up to past me…

......

... That's It That's The Essay I'm going to hibernate until Infinite Wealth comes out and somehow refutes my points but UNTIL THEN. Farewell, take care, and once more, don't worry too much about matching my energy… Like I Said if I were the one receiving this ask I'd just delete my blog, so… I'll just be happy to know you read it :] If That lmao

ok i read it :) 👁️👁️ READMYTAGSTHERESMORETHEREIPROMISE

#long post #cw csa #doublin up to add cw warnins in the tags just in case <3 lemme know if i should throw more tags down here..... im bad at cw tags.... #i forget my bookmark tag for asks from you i stg if i cant find this ask in the future im kmsing (in minecraft) immediately #snap chats #THE SNORT I MADE AT THE DEADPAN 'LOL'☠️ maybe i SHOULDVE put text In The Main Text i have A Lot of Thoughts.. #im leavin the main text empty since. ngl i was just gonna compare/contrast to myself again... and say a lot of what weve said b4.. #UNFORTUNATELY a lot of the things listed here uhmmmm Hm <3 Uh Oh <3 i do understand. Dare I Say personally. just a bit #I DO HAVE TO DISCLAIM ive never been a survivor of THOSE circumstances or really. any abuse tbh- brain just sucks and im a baby #and i cant say no BUT ANYWAY I HAVE REASONS FOR BEIN AN EGOTIST I SWEAR its cause I Somewhat had those exps/i understand them #i can REAAAALLLYY easily see where your points are coming from.... very easily even... like very in-depth.. #even if i didnt cry bout spilled milk every other day it IS clear to see the signs of abuse in sawashiro once you know them #i've def talked bout those aspects of him whether in tag rambles or in streams or have Attempted to express it via fics #so really the bits to chew on for me esp this time round is the more CSA aspects #tbh when it comes to bein unable to see him intimate or 'underdressed' i agree: incredibly hard for me to imagine #the thing with 'symptoms' of abuse is that they kinda overlap i guess ?? #in that regard it can either be a need to impress or protect himself/needing to be seen less #when it comes to doing certain things because of CSA i could see it as a result of another abuse too. if that makes sense #THOUGH THAT ISNT TO DISCREDIT THE IDEA nono cause there still exists the Now That I Think About It circumstances of masato #even if we look at it through Western Norms(TM) two- essentially homeless- kids having. A Kid is still bizarre #cause again teen pregnancies generally happen as a result of Bein Irresponsible With A Schoolmate- not that other situations cant exist #but thats the most common innit so. def an aspect to consider. All Things Considered. esp jo's self-separation from ikumi #BUT YEAH i feel like if i try to respond im just gonna end up typing up a textbook bout abuse since. UNFORTUNATELY #childhood psychology is my field of interest. and aint no one readin THAT phat thing. esp when ill prob repeat myself or you ☠️ #tbh remindin meself of when i said id write psyche papers on mine and/or jo.... oops 👀💋👀 savin this to steal notes from LOL #i hope yo know i WAS thoroughly intrigued reading this. As Ive Said childhood psyche is Literally My Field and this is v thorough and good #so im always interested in readin bout How X Caused Y in Z... very interesting many MANY things to think about.. ty... #forever cursed to be an idiot cause i really wish i could talk better and say somethin of substance.. ik you said its fine but still.. #im always open to chat bout this more if youd like PLEASE dont think my lack of Main Text is disinterest Im Just Stupid. But We Know That

[galaxycunt]

OC INTERVIEW

Tagged by @adelaidedrubman

I been seeing people do these in character so lemme do it for Mara and Ysari bc those are my guys rn

Ysari

name: Ari, all my friends call me that. [astarion miming behind them] Ys if you wanna be like that

nickname: …blood bag….hes teasing though it’s okay!

gender: who are you? The government?

star sign: Darling? What is it? Oh, okay. Uh, Leo.

personality type: oh I don’t do those tests. Those are for teenagers and Gale.

height: 5’4 I’m not ashamed of it unlike someone I know 😏 (astarion)

orientation: all about that free love baby

nationality/ethnicity: baldurian born and fucking raised baby!!!!

fave fruit: strawberries, especially on a pastry oh I love those jam things.

fave season: late spring, early summer. Beautiful ocean breeze in the afternoon.

fave flower: Balsam is cute, RIGHT ASTARION FLOWERS ARE SO NICE

fave scent: fresh tobacco, bergamot, tea leaves.

coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: coffee, I am the god of sleep. I need to lie down all the time oof.

average hours of sleep: I dunno, babe. Who sleeps in more these days? Don’t let anyone tell you how often cold food was when I finally got up at camp to eat in the morning. Awful, awful stuff.

dog or cat person: how can I choose? With their little paws and noses? Would you ask me to choose the sun or the moon?

dream trip : I wouldn’t mind traveling to water deep now that people aren’t trying to kill me every other step.

favorite fictional/real character: I gotta say, Boo is an underutilized character in most bard tales involving Minsc. I’m gonna change all that.

number of blankets you sleep with?

A: oh yeah! Tell them how many!

You’d THINK a vampire spawn would understand what it means to be cold.

random fact: I can juggle!

Mara

Name: Mara!

Nickname: Mars Bar, Marshmallow, hey you!

Gender: I’m just a 22 yr old minor

Star Sign: Aries

Height: 6’8 (5’1)

Personality type: I think I took those tests. Told me I had a computer virus. I dunno. I kinda just click on the first result online.

Orientation: I’m your bisexual queen 😎

Nationality/Ethnicity: soy chicana biiiiitch straight from LA 🇲🇽🇲🇽🇲🇽🇲🇽🇲🇽😤😤😤😤

Fave Fruit: mangoes

Fave Season: summer

Fave Flower: roses. I need to have them somewhere on everything I own pretty much

Fave Scent: rose!!! Duh!!!

Coffee, Tea, or HC: listen, listen. Hot chocolate WITH coffee.

Average Hours of Sleep: uhhhh 8? That sounds right (it was not)

Dog or Cat Person: doggies

Dream Trip: never left the country can you believe? Need to see what the other colonies are all about.

Favorite Fictional Character: that funky little robot with a mustache thats in the serials Felix makes me watch.

Number of Blankets They Sleep With: five

Random Fact: I can do that fun little trick with a gun where I can light a match by shooting it. Learned it from my neighbor Dan who was a stunt coordinator back in the day.

#oc stuff

[dxncingwithastrxnger]

1. time won’t fly, it’s like i’m paralyzed by it

A/N: Surprise!!! A brand new story!!! I’ve been so excited about this one but I forced myself not to post about it, akjsxnas. This story is a double love story!!! It focuses on both Melizabeth and Trilance equally. I’m still getting everything planned out, but so far, things are gonna be really fun in this au. I hope you guys enjoy this lil world as much as I do!!! The summary below is for the overall story, not this single chapter, and it’s a really long summary so I’m sorry, lmaooooo

Pairing(s): Slight Meliodas x Elizabeth

Summary: The Boar's Hat's first night in Liones is busy and loud, but there isn't anywhere else Tristan would rather be.  Elizabeth mans the bar as she watches her son make new friends. Everything's going perfect until a new customer leaves them both feeling shaken up and unprepared.

Tag(s): Panic attack, I think that’s it for this one, tbh, lemme know if there’s any I should add!!

Song Inspiration: All Too Well By Taylor Swift

Word Count: 4,979

Not beta’d, all mistakes are my own.

~*~

[Series Masterlist]

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2]

[Read on AO3]

[Author Masterlist]

~*~

"Order up! Two honey salads!"

"Those are for table five, Tristan!"

"I'm on it!" Tristan swings by the bar and grabs the two plates, quickly bringing them over to the right table before making his way to table two across the room, where the ones sat there were asking for refills. He takes their mugs and drops them off at the bar where his mother refills them as he takes already filled mugs to the ones at table four.

It's a busy night at his mother's tavern and there seems to be no end in sight to the steady stream of customers. They're not really sure why it's so busy, but Tristan isn't complaining. The whole place is loud and rowdy, everyone chattering over each other joyfully, and the smell of ale and good food fills the air with a hint of sweat that he doesn't really mind. The energy of the room is contagious and Tristan can't keep the grin off of his face. This is home.

"Hey, kid!" Tristan turns to see a man who was at the bar on his way out. He faces a him and tosses his hand up, flipping a coin in Tristan's direction. "Keep up the good work!" He smiles kindly at the silverette as he turns back around to leave.

"Thank you, sir! Come back soon!" Tristan calls, waving at the man as the door swings shut behind him.

"Tris! Refills!" His mother calls from the bar.

"Oh! Coming!" He quickly pockets the coin and gets back to work, grabbing the refills from his mother and returning them to the correct table.

"Do you guys need anything else?" He asks kindly.

"Oh, do you guys have any good desserts? I'm craving something sweet." A middle-aged woman asks him.

"We do! I personally recommend the spiced berries and cream, it's my absolute favorite." He tells her.

"That sounds wonderful, I'll have some of that if you don't mind." She replies.

"Oh, I don't mind at all! I'll go let our chef know!" He's running off to back to the bar before he even finishes speaking, hearing the people at the table chuckling as he goes.

"Need a spiced berries and cream for table two!" He calls into the kitchen before taking another round of refills to table three.

As he places them on the table, one of the customers there speaks up. "Hey, kid, don't you ever take a break? I feel like I've been watching you run around for hours on end." The man remarks.

"Well, I'm the only server tonight and we're real busy. I don't really mind it, though, honest. I'm used to the work." He responds back with a warm smile.

"Okay, but still. You gotta at least eat sometime."

"Yeah, why don't you come sit and eat with us? Get off your feet for a little?"

"Hell yeah, come have a drink, you've earned it!"

Tristan looks at the four people in surprise for a moment. "Oh, I, uh..." It's the kind of thing that doesn't usually happen. He's made plenty of friends in the past, but it's been awhile and he feels excited at the prospect of possibly making new ones. But he's not sure if he can take the time away from his work at the tavern right now. "Let me go check in and I'll see what I can do." He says, turning on his heels and heading over to the bar.

"Are you making some new friends over there, sweetheart?" His mother asks as she pulls some more ale down.

"I think so. They offered me a spot at their table, said I should take a break and have something to eat." He says, leaning against the bar and looking at her hopefully. "Do you think I could? Just for a little while?"

She looks at him and chuckles at the sparkle in his eyes. "Yes, of course. Most people have their food already and I think I can handle all the refills for now. Go have some fun, Tristan, you've done plenty tonight." She nods her head at him.

Tristan beams. "Thank you so much! Come and get me if you get overwhelmed, you know I'll have no problem picking things back up again." He tells her sincerely.

"I know, don't worry. I'll tag you back in if it's necessary. Now go get some food, I'm sure there's already some plated up for you." She hands him a mug of ale and shoos him off.

He hums softly to himself and steps over by the kitchen. Before he even opens his mouth to speak, a plate of food is being handed to him. "About time you sat down to eat, Tanny, jeez."

Tristan gives his Aunt Veronica a sheepish grin. "There's always more work to be done."

She rolls her eyes at him but she's smiling fondly. "Hurry up and go eat before I smack you upside the head." She quips.

He laughs and takes his food and drink and goes back to the table he had been at previously. "That invitation still up?" He asks, hesitating only slightly.

"Hey, he's back!"

"Of course it is, come sit!" Tristan smiles brightly, taking the fifth stool at the table and joining the group of four. He digs into his food immediately, not realizing how hungry he is until the first bite hits his tongue. Okay, maybe I should've stopped to eat awhile ago. He admits.

A few bites in, the man directly across from him speaks up. "So, how'd you end up working at a place like this, uh..." He trails off, gesturing to Tristan.

"Oh! I'm Tristan! And I don't just work here, I live here, actually. The Boar's Hat is my mother's tavern." He informs them.

"Wait, your mother? Where's she at?" The woman to his right asks curiously.

Tristan chuckles and points to his mother with his fork, who's currently serving refills a few tables over. "She's not just any old bartender. She's the owner, too." He says. The man across from him does a doubletake while the rest of the table gives surprised glances at the woman across the room.

"Waitwaitwait, you're telling me hottie bartender over there is your mom!?" Tristan chokes on his next bite at the comment and one of the others beside him thumps him on the back a few times.

"Howzer! You can't say something like that to her own son!" The other woman on his left scolds the guy - Howzer - as Tristan catches his breath, the tips of his ears pink.

Howzer gives him a sheepish look, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry, man. It just surprised me, that's all."

"I-it's fine." He takes a swig of his drink. "It's nowhere near the worst I've heard." He admits. Everyone else at the table cringes in response.

"Yeah, don't mind Howzer, here. He just has trouble thinking things through before he speaks, but he really doesn't mean any harm." The woman on his right tells him. "I'm Guila. This here is Gilthunder and Jericho." She introduces everyone, pointing to the pink-haired man sitting between herself and Howzer and then to the lavender-haired woman on his left.

Tristan reaches out to shake each of their hands. "It's lovely to meet you all. Maybe you'll be my first friends here in Liones."

"Oh yeah, you guys just showed up here. Are you moving or just passing through?" Gilthunder asks him.

"I think mother plans on staying here for a little while. We were out by Cains town for quite awhile, then we stayed a few weeks in Ordan and then in Vaizel after that." He says thoughtfully. "Then we came here to Liones. You know, we'd heard we'd pull in some great crowds here, but we didn't realize it would be this busy right away." Hr grins at them. Of course, he couldn't tell any of them that he'd been to Liones before. Last they were here was around two decades ago and the reason behind the trip wasn't exactly to socialize. Plus, claiming he'd been here 20 years ago when he was meant to have barely been born by then wouldn't exactly go well.

"Trust me, if there's anything the people of Liones know how to do, it's drink and be merry." Howzer assures him.

Tristan laughs. "Well, in that case, I'm glad we ended up here. Seems I'll have a great time getting to know the people of this kingdom."

"Hell yeah!" Jericho says, taking a gulp of her ale.

"You should let us show you around sometime, Tristan." Guila tells him.

"We can give you the full tour!" Gilthunder adds.

Tristan beams. "I'd love that! Thank you!"

"To new friends!" Howzer holds his mug up above the table.

"To new friends!" The rest of the table cheers together, mimicking his actions.

Tristan is having so much fun with these people. They're so kind and always seem to be laughing. Over the course of the next hour, he finds out each of them are holy knights and that there's usually a fifth person in their group, Griamore, but he wasn't able to make it out with them tonight. They assure him that he'll get along with Griamore just as well as the rest of them and Tristan finds himself grinning from ear-to-ear. He'd forgotten what a wonderful feeling it is to make new friends like this and get to know new people. It's always been one of his favorite things about life in all his years on this continent. He just loves being around good people.

And in all his joy, for a little while, Tristan forgets about everything else. He forgets about his long day working. He forgets about the long, stalling journey to this kingdom. He forgets the knot he'd had in his stomach their whole way from Vaizel to here. He forgets the whole reason they've come to settle in Liones in the first place. He forgets all about the past and it's troubles. For the first time in a long time, just like he had been most of tonight, he feels himself shake loose from everything else except for the present that he's in right now. But he should've known it wouldn't last for very long.

As he and his table of friends fall into giggles over a joke Howzer made, his eyes land on the front door to the Tavern right as it opens up. In steps a new customer, clad in a sleeveless red tunic, white trousers, and knee-high, brown, leather boots with a band of gold around the tops of each. On the outer side of each boot, engraved into the gold, is the royal family crest of Liones. The same crest hangs on a necklace around the man's neck in deep, aqua blue and gold. Tristan gulps as his eyes trail all the way up to the man's face, already knowing exactly who it is before he does so. The newcomer has a head of messy, blonde hair, an obvious cowlick sticking up from the middle of his head. But the most striking feature of the man is his bright, green eyes and the wide grin he wears as he observes the inside of the tavern.

Tristan knew he'd show up eventually, he just hadn't realized it would be so soon. He isn't ready, he hasn't gotten enough time to prepare himself. The silverette feels his breathing pick up, his entire body tense. He hears someone at the table with him talking, but he can't understand what they're saying. His ears are ringing and all the sounds around him are muffled. He can't peel his eyes away from the man even though he wants nothing more than to do so. He digs his nails into the wood of the table in front of him as the man walks further into the room and away from the front door.

Tristan's mind finally gives him another objective other than to stare. This one is to run. And so he does. He gets up from the table and bolts from the building, ignoring the shouts he hears from behind him. He gets out and just runs. He runs away from Guila and Howzer and Gilthunder and Jericho. He runs away from his mother and his aunt. He runs away from the other customers at the tavern and their joyful chatter. He runs away from his home. He runs away from his past and his present and his future. But most of all, he runs away from his father.

~*~

Elizabeth hums softly to herself as she wipes down the bar. She's taking advantage of the slow down of business and using the time to clean up a bit. They still won't be closing for quite awhile - for a business like a tavern, it was way too early to close up shop - but cleaning up a little bit along the way will make for an easier shut down later on.

She hears Tristan laughing with the group he's sitting with and she smiles. Hopefully these friends will be good ones. She always finds herself worrying about him. A mother's duty, Veronica always reminds her. And an aunt's duty, too. That's always when Tristan will pipe in. It's a family's duty. It's natural instinct to worry about someone you love and family is who you love most of all. He always says. They all know it word for word by now. But either way, Elizabeth feels that she has every reason to worry about her son. The life they've lived hasn't been an easy one. She almost feels selfish for being glad she has him around for it. That she has any of them around for it.

A plate slides into her view and she blinks, coming back out of her own head. "Earth to Ellie." Veronica speaks up, leaning against the bar beside her, but on the inside rather than the outside like she was.

Elizabeth shakes her head to clear her thoughts. "Hey, Veer." She smiles at her softly. "How's the kitchen?"

"A literal hot mess. But the food's good. So, sit your ass down and eat, alright?" She picks up her fork, nodding at the bar stool closest to Elizabeth.

She follows her sister's instructions, sitting down and picking up her own fork as well. "Thank you." She takes a bite and closes her eyes. "This is so good."

"Yeah, especially since it's the first thing you've had to eat since this morning." She sighs and shakes her head. "You and Tristan both, what am I gonna do with you two?" She questions, but gives the silver-haired woman a fond smile.

Elizabeth looks at her sheepishly and giggles. "That's why you're here to take care of us."

"Damn right, I am. Someone has to." She playfully rolls her eyes and the two of them continue eating.

Veronica is just about to take their plates and go back into the kitchen when they hear the slam of the door and shouts. By the time Elizabeth  turns to face the front door, whoever ran out is already gone. But then she turns towards the table Tristan was sitting at and she gets her answer on who it was. The group he was sitting with turns to look at her, all looking confused and concerned. "He froze up and seemed really freaked out, then he just ran out..." A pink-haired man informed her.

"I hope he's okay..." The black-haired woman said, the others nodding in agreement.

"I'll go get him." Veronica says behind her, and Elizabeth turns to her. Veronica is looking at something off to Elizabeth's right.

"Are you sure, Veer?" She asks.

"Yeah, of course." She turns back to look at Elizabeth and when their eyes lock, Veronica's light brown eyes are filled with a deep sadness, and Elizabeth feels a wave of dread run through her. "Besides, it seems like you have another matter to attend to anyways. That same matter is probably the reason that Tris ran out." Veronica whispers, nodding to where she was looking before before walking away.

Elizabeth doesn't look where her sister directed her at first, instead watching as Veronica leaves and lingering on the door. She's stalling, she knows she is. But she just needs a moment longer. The look in Veronica's eyes was unmistakable. She's seen it many times before. Elizabeth really shouldn't be so surprised. She knew he was in this kingdom. It was the whole reason they had come here. But they've only been in town for a day and she'd been hoping that they'd have a little more time. She should've known the universe would waste no time in leading him right to them.

Elizabeth turns back to the bar and grabs the mug sat in front of her, drinking down the rest of the ale in it. She pulls it away from her lips and sighs softly. Well, it's now or never, I suppose. She thinks to herself. Not much of a peptalk, but it's the best she's got for herself right now. Finally, she turns and faces the right side of the tavern.

She gasps, her eyes widening, the mug dropping from her hand. She never gets the chance to look very far because there he is, right in front of her. Her sky blue eyes immediately lock with his grass green ones and she's immediately stuck there. He looks absolutely beautiful, all bright and warm. His eyes are shining with joy and amusement, exactly like they should. Exactly like she always wants them to. She's stuck on his eyes, she can't even look at the rest of him yet. Looking into them is like looking into the brightest of natural lights. It shines so much warmth on her but she feels blinded.

"I think you dropped this."

Elizabeth finally manages to look away so that she can quickly hide the sob that tries to bubble up her throat at the sound of his voice, letting out a small cough instead. She forces a smile on her face and takes the mug that she had dropped out of his hand, careful to avoid brushing fingers with him. "Th-thank you." She tells him quietly.

"You're welcome! Do ya think I could get your name in exchange?" He asks her.

Elizabeth's smile softens into a small, but genuine one. "My name is Elizabeth. And you are?"

"Elizabeth. That name really suits you." He compliments, and she can't help the blush that comes to her cheeks. With him, even the simplest things affect her. "And I'm Meliodas. Prince Meliodas of the Kingdom of Liones." The introduction rhymes and Elizabeth giggles at the realization. At the sound of her amusement, his face brightens, if that's even possible, and he beams at her. "I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance."

"It's lovely to meet you as well, Prince Meliodas." She says sincerely. For the 117th time.

~*~

Tristan gasps out, leaning against a tree and trying to catch his breath. He isn't sure how long he's been running, but he's finally run out of stamina for the moment. He slides down to the ground, his knees bending up to his chest and his back against the tree behind him. He wraps his arms around his legs and puts his head between his legs, trying to take long, slow breaths, as he's not sure how much of his lack of oxygen is actually from running and how much of it is from his panic.

He's in the middle of the woods now, the moon shining high above the trees. It could be a few minutes later, it could be an hour later. It probably wasn't the best idea to run off like that, he realizes. Surely all doing so did was worry his mother and put her into even more distress than just seeing father will do. Tristan feels a bit guilty now, realizing he left his mother all alone and didn't even stay with her for the first meeting, but he's not sure he would've been able to make it through without breaking down and running off just like he's already done.

Thirty-two. He's gone through this thirty-two times. He remembers every single moment of every single one except for the very first one, in which he was no older than a newborn. And now, he's about to go through it once again, bringing his total up to thirty three times. The number itself is nothing compared to his mother's count of a hundred and seventeen, but it's not some twisted competition. Aunt Veronica has been through it just as many times as mother, she's been with her since the very beginning of it all. And now they're all here going through it together. Uncle Gowther is around most of the time, too, and Aunt Merlin. Though Aunt Merlin hasn't been around much this last decade or so. She's been in Camelot, instead, but she still visits the tavern every once in awhile.

He's grateful for all of the family he does have, they'll never know how much he loves them all. But right now, the pain surrounding his father cuts through him like a blade covered in hellfire and all he wants to do is stay right here. Right in this moment, he'd give anything to forever avoid what comes next. The next introduction, the next round of who-will-he-be-this-time, the next "I love you", the next memory, the next death. Some stubborn, childish part of him just wants to stay right here and never go anywhere else ever again. He could just live right here forever, become a part of the woods, and never have to worry about anything ever again.

A hand comes down on his shoulder and he jumps, recognizing his Aunt Veronica's energy and scent right before he sees her face. "Just me, Tanny." She says softly, sitting down on the ground beside him.

He relaxes. "Sorry for running off." He apologizes. "Have I been gone for too long?"

"No, not really. We're only a few minutes away with our kind of speed. It'd probably take awhile for a human to get over here, though." She says thoughtfully. Tristan just nods, staying silent.

"...Are you alright, Tris?" The magenta-haired woman questions, looking at him with eyes that are an even mix of concerned and sad. And that's when he finally breaks. A sob forces its way out of his throat and he can't stop the tears that well up in his eyes from streaming down his cheeks. And then his aunt is pulling him into her arms. "Oh, honey."

He curls into himself, sobs and cries wracking through his entire body. He just couldn't hold any of it back, he feels overwhelmed. Maybe it's the long day, or the long week. He just feels so tired of everything. And he's especially tired of holding things back. So, he just lets it all out. He cries in his aunt's arms until there are no tears left and his gut hurts from how many times he's heaved out a sob. Until all that's left is the comfortable silence of the night around him.

~*~

"Why don't you head in through a balcony? Just in case he's still here, that way you don't have to worry about running into him tonight." Tristan's Aunt Veronica suggests.

He nods. "Yeah, I think I'd prefer that. I'm not ready to meet him just yet." He admits.

She rubs the back of her hand over his arm for a moment comfortingly. "That's perfectly fine. Just take your time, Tanny."

He gives her another quick hug. "Goodnight, Aunt Veronica, I'll see you in the morning."

"See you in the morning, kid. Get some good rest, okay? You've definitely earned it." She tells him, smiling softly. He smiles back before heading to the shadowed side of the tavern and jumping up onto the second floor balcony.

The bedroom it's attached to is Uncle Gowther's. He walks through it and steps out into the hallway, closing the door behind him before heading down the hall and up the stairs to his own bedroom. It's at the very top, his room technically being the attic, and it also had a balcony. Usually, he'd love to sit out on it and watch the stars for awhile, but he's too exhausted tonight. He quickly changes out of his work uniform and into his sleep clothes before flopping onto his bed and quickly settling in and under the covers, yawning as his head hits the pillow and sleep takes him almost immediately.

He wakes a little while later to his door being opened and then closed. He takes a deep breath in and picks up his mother's scent, slowly turning over to face the rest of his room. There's a dip in his bed next to his shoulder and he looks up as his eyes adjust to the darkness, locking eyes with his mother, her usually blue eyes now glowing the golden-orange hues of the goddess clan.

"I was hoping I wouldn't wake you." She tells him, sounding a little guilty.

"It's okay, I don't mind." He yawns, moving closer to her. She was sitting beside him on the edge of the bed, one leg pulled up in front of her and the other one off of the bed, foot planted on the ground.

She brings her hand up and brings it to his head, running her hands through his hair affectionately. Tristan hums softly in content as she continues the motion repeatedly. "What's he like this time?" He whispers after a few minutes, his curiosity getting the better of him.

His mother stays quiet for a moment longer before responding. "He's really sweet. Very kind. He reminds me a lot of you, actually. He seems to joke around a lot and he's very charming. He didn't stay for very long, I don't think he was actually supposed to be away from the castle tonight, but he said he would be back, of course." She tells him softly.

"Sorry for running off and leaving you all alone." He tells her, guilt seeping into his voice.

"Hey, you did nothing wrong, sweetheart. You weren't ready and there's nothing wrong with that." She reassures him. He swallows, moving as close to her as he can and curling himself up against her leg, that childish feeling from before coming back. "Those new friends of yours were worried when you left. I assured them you would be okay and they said to tell you that you're welcome to come find them in town anytime. The blonde one's father is the main blacksmith around here, so you can ask about his whereabouts there sometime. But they'll come back to the tavern sometime, too. They seem to really like you." She tells him, a smile in her voice.

Tristan presses his forehead against her knee. "They seem really nice." He answers honestly.

"That's good, I'm glad you've met them, then." She admits. The two of them fall silent after that for awhile, Tristan laying there with drooping eyes as his mother combs her fingers through his hair gently. Eventually, Tristan speaks up again.

"Hey, mama?" He looks up at her.

She looks down at him. "Yes, my sleepy boy?"

"Can you sing, please?" He asks her.

She gives him a tender smile and nods. "Of course I can."

Tristan smiles softly and yawns again as he turns and buries his face in her knee again, his eyes closing. And then he listens as his mother starts to sing him the same lullaby she's sang to him thousands of times, the one she made just for him.

"Little star, come with me

Fly through the sky and you will see

All the little things that make me believe

Fox cubs are playing

Trees are swaying

Wolf pups are howling

The night cats are prowling

All under your shining light

The flowers are sleeping

The moon is now peaking

And here you lay in my arms

Your eyes have slipped closed

This song I've composed

Leading you to your dreams

Little star, I love you

You know that I do

So, lay down your head

Let your mind rest

You're safe where you are

I won't be too far

I'll stay by your side

'Til sweet morning light."

The last thing he knows is his mother kissing the top of his head as she whispers, "Sweet dreams, my little star." before sleep finally pulls him under for the rest of the night.

~*~

A/N: What did you guys think??? Did you like it?? Please let me know!! I think overall this is a really fun concept to play with and I can’t wait to explore more of this little world that I’m building. Also, I wrote Elizabeth’s lullaby myself, so it’s completely original!! There isn’t much in the way of ships and romance yet, but there will be as we go along, I promise!!! Love you guys!!! 💜💜💜

Taglist:

[Lemme know if you’d like to be added to the taglist for this story and others related to it!!!]

#purple_strxnger #purple_strxnger_stories #sds #nnt #seven deadly sins #nanatsu no taizai #4kota #4koa #four knights of the apocalypse #mokushiroku no yonkishi #tristan liones #elizabeth liones #meliodas #lancelot #4kota lancelot #meliodas x elizabeth #elizabeth x meliodas #tristan x lancelot #lancelot x tristan #trilance #trislance #melizabeth #goddess elizabeth #melizabeth fanfic #melizabeth fanfiction #melizabeth au #trilance fanfic #trilance fanfiction #trilance au #au

[i-rate-horse-games]

starshine legacy playthrough part 1

level 1

dang these graphics are CRISP!!! this was a CD rom game??? jealous!!!

i did in fact think there was an award for “Dyke” in there

got confused because i thought the massive stairway landing counted as a floor

wow we have to explicitly demonstrate that we’re not like the other girls?? dang

HAHA showed our guts by winning at a horrible game of tag

wow ?,,, uhh, already foiled an attempt at framing the book girl… what kind of horrible school is this…

level 2 - jorvik stables

the music and ambiance is so cool and spooky and sad and mysterious

alright i tried every door in this courtyard trying to find linda and one opened so i thought i’d finally found it but . i can’t go anywhere in the arena i ended up at so i guess i haven’t found The Stables yet. rip

ah. found the door. i just hadn’t done the dialogue all the way

OH SHIT DEPRESSED HORSIE??

DEPRESSED HORSIE CAN TALK?? WHAT THE HELL

don’t worry girlie just believe in urself and riding a horse for the first time since ur injury won’t be a problem!!” last time i rode i got thrown off for the 7th time and got a concussion lmao this game knows me too well

nooooo why are they letting the transfer student get right in the saddle no questions asked

“you’ll hit the ground faster than i can say ‘white trash princess’!”

“i thought i was the white trash princess…”

ah shoot i got stuck trying to dismount and accidentally did a gesture on my touchpad that works as a back button. didn’t know it could do that

i could have sworn it said starshine would only jump if he was in a gallop, but we are clearly cantering.. odd

lisa is very carefree about what side she mounts and dismounts from

casually “hey kid! you rode the horse good! i bet you have superpowers!”

“oh i might have superpowers? lemme try this” [instantly is able to use powers on command] lisa is just built different

wow!! lisa’s ringtone is Awful!!

level 3 - the library

linda tells us to meet her at the school library after hours? book girl being a rulebreaker? way to go!

hehe the janitor humming

“i was afraid the janitor wouldn’t let you in!” so we could have just talked to him? instead of sneaking around?

mr sands is a vampire?? mr sands is immortal??

whoa starshine is immortal too?? you would think all immortals would know each other by now

level 4 where is starshine?

whoa the nighttime ambiance at the stables is so great there’s huge stars and HAHAH THERE’S THE SPOOKY LADY VOCALS I KNOW!! WOOOHOOO HELLO SPOOKY LADY

now which one of those hired arms wrote the location of their secret base on a prominently branded matchbox and left it at the scene of their crime??

sabine: “omg you can’t go after them, the parents and teachers will hate it!! so instead i’m locking you in the stable overnight. this is a good plan.”

i accidentally clipped through the floor of the watery basement sdjfksjdfhkjdfh

“we need to find a way out of the stables!!” i think i’m out haha

“i think it’s better if i go alone” no it isn’t??? hello???

[edit from the future - i now understand that lisa went alone so that her friends wouldn’t be put in the uncomfortable situation of having to report her extensive property damage and trespassing crimes]

level 5 - the industrial complex

ok we’re just breaking in . by walking in huge pipes! great! awesome! there’s those spooky lady vocals again!

oops i didn’t even notice the searchlight got me. very nice of the game to just calmly fade to black when we get spotted instead of jumpscaring me

we just exploded a huge pipe!!! awesome!

we are now walking through said huge pipe which we just exploded by buildup of steam internally! and not getting burned!

uhhhh

i don’t know where i’m supposed to be going but there’s a star down there soooo

I SHOULD NOT BE HERE????????

well if you leap into the water you only go back to the start of the water so that’s nice

OH WHAT THE HELL????????

this is a really fun escape scene but uh we fell . through the floor, it just disappeared. these are my True Powers..

rats now i gotta do it all over again

i love how there’s no falling animation, she just chillin

oh man i got so into that level that i let my laptop battery die for the first time ever… luckily it managed to save my progress somehow and i didn’t have to start the level over for the third time

 something i like about star stable franchise is how the game is less Horse Game and more Game heavily involving Horses, plot takes place surrounded by horses, which is fun

level 6 - the woods

at first i was like “i dunno, lisa, this looks like a pretty safe trail” but then it just kept getting WORSE and WORSE and OHHHH MANNNNN !!! WE SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN JUMPING THOSE CLIFFS

level 7 - the competition

surprised that the snobby rich girl is our friend and on our side now? guess our gang has a common enemy in sabine. way to go girl! unity!

ok that was really fun!! looking forward to playing the rest of the episodes!!

part 2

#starshine legacy #horse game #not a rating

[backburnerdio]

OC Kiss Week – Day 2 Food

WIP: Time Borrowed Pairing: Beau & Garnet cw: Language, romance Words: 2357 Tag List: @irnalia, @waysofink, @ashen-crest, @spacetimewraithwrites,@dustylovelyrun, @idreamonpaper, @abalonetea, @jaimistoryteller, @kaiusvnoir, @writeouswriter, @reininginthefirewriting, @concealeddarkness13, @winterandwords (Used the Time Borrowed taglist, please let me know if you’d like to be added or removed from this event or the main taglist)

It had been a week since Garnet’s suspension and Beau found himself oddly excited to see him again. He didn’t know why. He kept fidgeting with the safety belt in Valetta’s hatchback, idly watching traffic as they zipped across town.

“You know, Beau, if you don’t wanna go over to Garnet’s, I don’t mind keeping you another week.” Valetta offered, lowering the music.

“I’m okay,” he nodded, turning his attention to her.

“You sure? You look kinda nervous.”

“No, I’m okay. I want to see him.”

“Yeah?” She grinned going strangely quiet before slowing them into the turning lane. “You know what he’d probably like? Some Pączki.”

Beau took a moment to identify what that was. “Donuts?”

“Ooh, yeah, no.” Valetta grimaced as they pulled into the bakery parking lot. “Cops eat donuts, Garnet eats Pączki. But between you and me, they’re the same thing. Just kinda like donuts on steroids.” She pulled them around to the drive-thru and was asked to wait to place her order. Valetta’s car was small, perfect for the way she zipped around traffic, but she was even smaller. She half pulled herself up into the window to be able to see out, drumming fingers on the door.

“Valetta?”

“Yep?” She twisted around to look at him, bottom lip pouting as she played with one of her piercings.

“How long have you known Garnet?”

“Ooy, uh, lemme think,” she sat back in her seat, staring out the windshield in thought. “Shit, I guess twelve years now. Couldn’t stand him at first. Kinda became friends out of sheerly trying to piss each other off.”

“Can I take your order?” A voice from a speaker asked, whipping her back around. It wasn’t the answer he expected. Of course, he knew Garnet was exclusively friendly. Valetta, Ryker, and Nebraska were the only ones Beau had only ever seen him kind towards. But it made him smile.

There’s a chance.

“I tell him all the time he’s too damn mean, but eventually he’ll give it up and be nice. You just gotta give it back to him. Don’t let him scare you.”

“He doesn’t scare me.”

“Tough guy now, huh?” Valetta playfully punched his shoulder, rolling them up to the window to be handed a paper sack. She bumped her wristband to their terminal before driving away. “Here, you hold these. But listen, for real, if at any point he annoys you and you need a ride or a place to stay, just let me know. I got you.”

“Thank you, Valetta.” He stopped playing with the safety belt, focusing on keeping the Pączki warm instead. It wasn't long before Valetta pulled them up to the curb of the apartments to park.

“Want me to go up with you?”

“No, no, I should be fine. I know which one it is.” He was careful not to drop the bag, getting out to get his bookbag from the back seat. “Thanks again for the ride.”

“Don’t mention it,” she leaned over, offering a fist. Beau reached in, gently bumping it with his own. “And, hey, don’t tell Garnet I bought those. He’ll be mad at me for spending money.”

“Are you not supposed to spend money?” Beau frowned.

“No, no, just Garnet thinks I shouldn’t spend money on him. Because, you know, I have a tattoo and piercing habit. Just, yeah, do me a favor and don’t mention it was me.”

“Okay,” Beau agreed, beginning to step away when he remembered something, “Oh! Lora really wants to go see that new murder mystery movie, but she’s too scared to go by herself. She says movies like that make her feel like she’s going to get killed in the parking lot. You should ask her out.” Valetta stared at him, brown cheeks catching a red tint as she gaped. “Okay, goodnight!” Beau hurried to the stairs, making it all the way up to Garnet’s floor before he saw Valetta’s car pull away from the curb.

He hoped she would take her.

The excitement he’d had in the car became something acidic without explanation. But it wasn’t fear. He wasn’t afraid of Garnet– had never been. Beau just kept thinking why Garnet wasn’t at work, that it had been over what happened with Bryant –because of Beau. When Garnet had brought him back after the scuffle and taken him to his SoulMedic appointment, Beau had hoped they really were friends.

But after being suspended, he wondered if Garnet regretted it now.

He paused outside the apartment door, cradling the Pączki, listening to the thrum of music coming from inside the apartment. What if Garnet hadn’t been serious about still having him over? What if it had been some type of sarcasm Beau didn’t get?

Well, I can’t eat these, and they can’t go to waste. He stared down at the bag and knocked on the door. After a while, when there was no answer, he figured Garnet couldn’t hear over the music and started to knock again when the gate was pulled open.

Garnet stood there in sweatpants, his usual defensive scowl easing into surprise as he scanned Beau over. “Oh, hey,” he answered, leaning out to check the hallway. Beau was momentarily distracted by the strange markings on Garnet’s skin, black segments running down his middle, designs covering one shoulder that spread to the elbow, his other arm wrapped in solid bands.

Garnet has tattoos too.

“I didn’t know you were gonna be here this early,” Garnet cut himself off as he checked his wristband, cursing lowly, “Oh, wait, I didn’t realize what time it was.”

“Should I come back later?” Beau offered.

“No, uh, no. It’s fine, I just…” He shifted his weight in the doorway, slightly pulling the door to behind him. Beau had never seen him fidget, drumming fingers on the trim as he glanced at the ground. It made it difficult for Beau not to smile.

He’s nervous too.

“Okay, I’m just gonna be honest with you, I, uh, I have no idea what I’m doing. Okay?”

“Okay.” Beau agreed.

“So, I was gonna…” he paused again, scowling before waving him in, “You know what? Fuck it. Lemme just show you.” Bumping the door open he led Beau inside, locking the door and hurrying past him. “I don’t know if you’ve ever tried reading an instruction manual, but you can’t judge me. This is a judge-free zone, and criticism isn’t allowed.” He paused at the end of the foyer, scratching at the side of his head.

Beau followed him in and stopped, thankful his gyroscopic systems acted as a safety net. Along the windowed walls that made up the back of the den, a tiered tower of shelves stood, complete with an overhead lamp. Some of the shelves weren’t attached, still on the floor spread around Garnet’s work area. But Beau didn’t miss the potted plant sitting on the top shelf.

“Okay, so, listen,” Garnet’s voice came through, having stepped into the kitchen to turn off the music. He hurried over, scrambling to explain himself. “Okay, no, don’t freak out. Nothing’s wrong with it. Okay? I’ve just never really had plants, you know? And I know, with how the rotation works, you spend more time elsewhere than you do here. That’s like, what? Five weeks gone compared to one week here. So, I was doing some research, and it’s winter, so I know it’s not getting enough sunlight, so I got a light for it.

“And then I needed something to put the light on, and it looked stupid on the coffee table –and I got to thinking, what if you end up with your own place? You’ll need something for it, right? So, I found this stand, and figured if you ever wanted, you’d have room for more plants.” Garnet stood by it, turning on the light to display. He made a little ‘ta-da’ motion before stepping aside. There was a moment his hands shuffled about awkwardly, fumbling to find he didn’t have pockets and instead hooked them on his hips.

Beau could only stare. Even from where he stood, he could see the flowering plant was already sprouting new growth since the last time he’d been there.

Garnet has been taking care of it.

“Oh, fuck,” Garnet hissed, dodging around the couch as he hurried over. “I’m sorry, Beau. It’s okay. Look, if you don’t like it, that’s fine. I can use it for like… I dunno, something. You don’t have to like it.”

“I like it,” he got himself to say, still staring.

“You’re a shit liar. Okay? I can see those lines on your face. I know you don’t like it.”

“I do like it.” He defended, reaching up to absently feel his cheek. The stress lines were back.

“Seriously, you’re not gonna hurt my feelings or anything. I didn’t even ask your opinion of it. I can take it back—”

Beau acted before he could finish, reaching for the nape of Garnet’s neck to pull him down for their lips to meet. Garnet tensed, exhaling as if he’d been punched in the gut, grabbing at Beau’s sleeve. It was approximately .29 seconds after the fact Beau realized what he’d done. He instantly wanted to collapse in on himself and disappear.

Only Garnet didn’t pull away. His other hand pressed to the side of Beau’s neck, sliding beneath the collar of his racer jacket and further to thread fingertips into his hair. The hand on his sleeve fisted the material, his turn to pull Beau closer. It caused Beau’s processes to kick into overdrive, trying to keep up with all the sensations and define what was happening.

He blinked rapidly when Garnet leaned back, hands staying in place. Beau’s HUD made him aware of the way Garnet’s pupils were dilated, mouth slightly open from his increased rate of breath.

“I like it,” Beau said without thinking, drawing Garnet’s gaze up from his mouth. “I like the plant stand. Please don’t get rid of it.” The hand in his hair loosened as Garnet leaned back, the sensors in Beau’s fingertips documenting the topography of scars, muscle, and bone as his hand slid around the side of his neck and down to Garnet’s chest when he returned to his full height.

Weight was missing from his free hand and he looked down.

“Oh no!” he stepped back, panic surging. The paper bag he’d been carrying was now on the floor, crinkled and abandoned. He quickly reached down to get it, carefully opening the crumpled top, hoping he hadn’t ruined the treats. “Are they okay? I didn’t mean to drop them. I didn’t ruin them, did I?”

“Wh-what?” Garnet blinked as if dazed before catching up to speed. He tilted closer, peering down into the bag when it was offered.

“Are they broken?” Beau scrambled for what he would do if they were. He could call for a delivery order. But what if they didn’t travel this far? Maybe he could take the tram back. But what if they were closed already?

“You got Pączki?” Garnet looked up at him, eyes wide.

“Did I ruin them? I didn’t mean to drop them.” It was a swirl of emotion that pulled heat into his chest, wanting to laugh and cry at the same time. He wasn’t sure which was appropriate and chose to keep both at bay.

“They’re fine. They’re okay.” Garnet chuckled softly, patting his back, “Jeez-o, they’re not like eggs. They’re probably rougher than that at the store.” Beau nodded, passing the bag to him in fear he may end up crushing them. “You, uh, you got these for me?”

“Valetta said you liked them.” As Garnet took the bag Beau noticed the redness starting in his face.

The realization of what they’d done came crashing down.

Beau couldn’t look at him, instead, he crossed the room to the shelving. The top shelf was almost at eye level, pulling his potted plant off the shelf surprised to find one or two of the tiny forget-me-not blooms.

“You shouldn’t be spending money buying me food,” Garnet chuckled nervously.

“And you shouldn’t be spending money buying me furniture,” Beau said without thinking, turning to assess the damage when there wasn’t a response. Garnet laughed, soft and airy, idly rubbing his mouth as he looked down at the bag.

“Fair enough,” he quietly said. And paused, “So, what do you wanna do tonight? It’s supposed to rain later, but we could still go out if you wanted.”

“Can I help you finish putting this together?” Beau cradled the pot to his stomach, schooling how tightly he held it to not crack the ceramic.

“C’mon,” Garnet snickered, turning to place the Pączki on the counter of the bar. “You don’t have to pretend. Alright? Serious talk, do you actually like it?”

“I told you I did!”

“Yeah, but are you just saying that to be nice?”

“I’m saying it because I like it. I’ve never had… things like this before. Things that don’t fit into a bag.” Things that make a home. His vocals couldn’t manage that, having to mute them at the strange whine they made instead. To distract himself, he looked down at the pot, only finding the sight of the flowers and new growth nearly made him cry.

“Okay,” Garnet whispered, close enough now to touch Beau’s shoulder, neck, the side of his face. “Hey, it’s yours. You can do whatever you like with it, I just don’t want you to feel like you have to keep it.”

“I want to keep it,” Beau said defiantly. “Are you not listening or do I need to kiss you again?” It caught Garnet by surprise, bursting with a chuckle.

“I mean, I’m not against it,” he grinned shyly, glancing away. “We’re gonna have to decide on one of those things because I don’t think that’s something I can multitask.” It made Beau smile as well.

“Let’s start with putting this together.” Beau decided to place the pot on the coffee table.

“Start,” Garnet echoed with a laugh. “Okay, you got jokes. But I gotta warn you, the instructions don’t make any sense."

#ockiss23 #ockissweek #writing #writblr #writeblr #my writing #amwriting #wip: tb #beau oc #garnet oc #dumbass duo

[writing-all-over-the-place]

Continuing with the untitled-ness of my story

this one is not connected to the other one other than the characters. there’s now six characters which idk if that’s overwhelming or if it’s fun but i tried to keep it as clear as possible

this doesn’t really have a plot to it. it does in my head but not in the actual writing is how it seems. let me know what you think.

(just to warn you the margins are a little weird bc i copied and pasted from google docs)

continuing off of this post

and tagging some wonderful mutuals

@dysphoria-things @allnaturalgenderfluid @scarafrisbee @emreadsbooks17 @maia-isnt-real @bylerloveswaffles @webboygirl @queers-of-marybelltownship @moiistdirts @giant-clown @weirdandabsurd42 @veescorneroftheworld

if you no longer want to be tagged lemme know i will not be offended don’t feel bad at all.

Arden POV

Ding dong. I open the door and Sammy rushes past me. “Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee!” He yells as he’s running past me.

“God! Sammy! Have a little self respect!” Gigi yells, running from the bathroom, mascara in hand.

I walk down the hall to them. “I’m with Gigi on this, Sam. Love you, though.”

“Oh, shut up.” He says, coming out of the bathroom. “Did Roar make snacks?”

“Working on it!” They call from the kitchen.

“Is Ellie in the bedroom?” Sam asks me.

“Yep. Seems to find getting her nails done very exhausting.” I respond.

“Oh yeah! You guys did that. Lemme see!” He grabs my hand, “Awww they’re so cute! It’s all green, with those little brown stars. And dots! They’re so little and cute!”

“Okay, that’s enough.” I pull my hand away. “Did you bring your clothes?”

“Yup!” He shows me his canvas bag with green material sprawling out of it. “Good color, right? And it’s got these little daisies.”

“Shoes?”

“Yep,” He holds up his foot to show me his dirty converse. I shake my head.

“Art, do you guys have extra bobby pins?” Gigi calls.

“In the bottom drawer, in that little container,” Rory responds for me.

Ding dong.

“Curt’s here!” Rory yells. I open the door.

“Hi Art, Hi Sam. I didn’t uh, bring clothes because I couldn’t figure out to wear. I can always go back down and get stuff, I just couldn’t decide. I honestly wear too much casual clothing.”

“Just don’t ask Oreo for help.” Elle tells him, emerging from the bedroom in her gorgeous green dress and bedhead hair.

“Nice look.” Curt tells her.

“Thanks,” she grins.

“Your hair needs help, babe,” Gigi grabs her wrist and drags her to the bathroom.

“Ugh, you’re so controlling.”

“You know you love me.” I hear Gigi say as she shuts the bathroom door.

“Omelettes!” Rory yells from the kitchen. I hop in a seat next to Curt, who’s next to Sammy.

“Thanks, bestie,” I say as she hands me a plate.

#writing #writeblr #short prompt #short fiction #oc story #oc stuff #funny maybe? #i definitely don’t know how to write #but it’s fun so i still do

[tiredclemont]

“Tag 9 People You Want to Get to Know Better”

ask game tag from @riptidezzzz , I figured I’d just make a new post since the original is already long.

Anywho lemme see..

Currently Reading: Well actually I recently finished “Duckula and the Haunted House,” a book I have as part of my Duckula collection but had never read. That was a blast. I’m currently reading a book that I’ve forgotten the name of 0_0 but it’s about managing anxiety and depression so I’m excited about that.

Favorite Color: Currently it’s orange! But forest green is a very very close second since it complements my red hair.

Last Song I Listened to: Well right now I’m listening to “BAZOOKA” by TYSMM. So I think that counts

Last Movie I Watched: “Puss in Boots: The Last Wish” which I FREAKING LOVE SO MUCH I watched it twice in the 48 hour period I rented it. Definitely one I want to own on physical copy.

Sweet/Savory/Spicy?: I really love spicy, but if you give me a savory steak or something it wins without a doubt. But I love spicy snacks!

Currently Working On: Uh well, I just got out of work XD but no like as for fun I’m slowly working on making my upstairs den more like how I want it. It needs a few more furniture pieces so I’m saving up for those. Love that overtime money. 🙄

Thanks for the tag my friend! As for others, how about @prismtowerprincess, @quacula, @tsundereglados, @dustydetective, @acedaniammx, @mindcraftghast, @fitzfunnymoments, @mamaluigiman and @fumu.

No pressure of course. Thanks!

#sleep talking #ask game

[csmeaner]

WARNING: GROSS

Might as well submit this now so I can take a break off the blog for a bit after digging up that Densy shit.

So, I'll bite: /post/694191943132053504/who-is-jesse-and-why-does-everyone-hate-him-so 

post related

posts tagged jesse

Gross stuff at the end.

I wouldn't say I hate Jesse, exactly. That would imply he takes up a lot more active space in my head than he does. His antics, however, do live in the more passive part of my brain and no amount of sandpaper's gonna get that out, so I, uh, am not fond of the guy.

1. Hides behind his mental illness as an excuse to be a POS. Was Jesse mean to you? Did he blow up at you? Was he a shitty friend? Is he bitter as fuck? Does he only talk to you when he wants something? Well, he has mental illness so he has an unspoken expectation you just shrug your shoulders and move on. (In his response to the CCCat-Peakit thing, it read to me like he was explicitly expecting it. You'll have to decide for yourself.)

2. What he did to his "friend", Caravan. While she was around, he was happy to receive gifts from her and defend her. But the moment they had a falling out and he was, like Densy, sure Caravan was gone, he sent screenshots of their personal conversations to Densy. 

I don't care how much you fucking hate someone. Private messages between someone you call a friend should stay private unless there's a very good reason for them not to (ex: someone's telling you they're going to end their life). Print them out and burn them if you need catharsis.

It's also super hypocritical. Caravan was one of the most blatantly mentally-ill people I've seen whaling in CS but because she made Jesse mad, he's excused himself for doing it.

3. He's caused trouble in other communities. Since it's not CS, I won't go into details. He's so aggro and unwilling to back down from anything.

4. Some people still hate him from his hoarding and foddering days. He was never Caravan-level, but he was just about everywhere like her. At least he was usually fair about trades.

5. Mad shit-talker in general. Oh the shit he published following the initial days of the 20K Grem callout. I bet if Caravan released some of her private chats with Jesse, we'd see some real tea.

BUT THE BIGGEST REASONS

6. I'm uncomfortable with his thoughts about minors given how he tried to talk around himself for having a relationship with a 16 yr old when he was 19 yrs old, and how he visited this 16 year old and they "kissed and mildly fooled around". His background story is eerily similar to Soyu-k's. Warning for talks of CSEM and abusive religion: https://archive(.)ph(/)oc1M0. Further response from Jesse (same warnings, just to be safe): archive(.)ph(/)IdG27.

I really don't know how to feel about the last two links. On the one hand, maybe he didn't know, and he's open (as far as we know) about it? Then again, he only came out with it when he couldn't deny it anymore, like Soyu-k. But everyone is different. There's just something about both those posts that doesn't sit right with me. You'll have to decide for yourself.

To be clear, I don't think Jesse is dangerous. I think he's a narcissist (in the general sense, not the personality disorder sense) who's willing to...wriggle around a bit to get himself out of something he'd never forgive someone else for.

7. Related to the above, he has one instance (one is all it takes to make me hate you) that I know of what looks like graphic pro-shipping material in his Toyhouse, which was drawn by his boyfriend(?), Xiphos. Censored version (warning as it's still pretty rancid if you're sensitive to this sort of thing): pasteboard(.)co(/)FnTM1kmrVlmU(.)png.

I know someone who archived the original, uncensored image. I'm not in the mood to dig it up for obvious reasons but lemme know if you just HAVE to see it. And I'll get back to you in a couple days. Or go look it up for yourself before it's inevitably hidden.

It seems clear from the TH profile that the character is intended to be an adult and the image should be interpreted as "size play" or maybe "macro". Knowing how some people treat size play/macro, I avoid people who draw it out to this extent. The character in this image has borderline-child proportions.

Actually, Jesse seems to share Xiphos's tastes in general. For example, this naked human's encounter with a rather large anthro. Censored version: pasteboard(.)co(/)Z5MXE9Cqnnz4(.)png.

Again, I know this is supposed to come off as size-play or macro, but it's something that comes down to your own perspective. Is it bestiality to draw a human having, um, relations with a giant anthro? Is it nasty or just incredibly weird? That's for you to decide.

As for me, I'm going to go play video games or something and hope this heartburn goes away.

#proof #screenshots #submission #jesse #thanks for all this info we can officially add all this to the reasons you can be iffy about jesse #time to wake cs up to reblog all these

[sinsfox]

Care to tell us about Ban's depression and all?

yoko you just had to ask this since i mentioned it to you huh

OF COURSE I CAN TALK ABT IT

this is gonna get long, so ima put it under the cut but theres going to be content warning galore, but itll be tagged

im really not going to beat around the bush here. 

i headcanon ban to have depression, but at this point, it seems to me to be implied that he does. would it be professionally diagnosed? fuck no. ban gives less than a shit about himself, i dont think he would be obligated to figure out why he feels hollow or dulled. why life is a bore, and he only ever feels alive in a fight or when hes ‘killed’.

to him its a feeling he can easily shrug off and ignore and he easily puts up a front of being the easy going, out there kind of guy that he is. eccentric and melodious in his tone, fight enthusiastic and seemingly taking his interest in whatever seems convenient at the time. stealing what he wants, even if its the clothes off someones back. drinking ale and laughing it up like no tomorrow until he passes out.

but at the end of the day, hes lonely. hes tired. despite the things that are fun that he does have fun with, its still hard to completely forget the void that he feels and how much duller things seem nowadays ever since the incident in the fairy kings forest.

it only got worse since that day.

his childhood was the start of it all.

his parents neglected him and his sister. his little sister died from starvation at four years old. that was the first time ban felt alone. his parents cared nothing for them. ban was used to try and obtain food for his mother and father, while not being allowed to eat himself. his father would beat him if he did eat. his father would beat him if ban even slept. it wasnt a good environment. ban ran away from home often.

then ban was caught stealing and was sent to prison and that was where he met zhivago and they escaped together. and ban took to secretly meeting zhivago whenever he could and was given food by him to eat. zhivago helped him survive. zhivago taught ban all he needed to know about thieving and even saved his life from starvation and from being kidnapped and almost being sold to a noblewoman who tortured and killed children.

zhivago adopted ban. he referred to ban as his son in a conversation with ban himself. telling him how he had one son named therion who was nothing like ban, a shy kid. and how he had another son named ban who was a troublemaker with a bad mouth.

hearing that made ban happy. and he felt like he had family again.

then one day when they were to do a heist together, ban got impatient and went on his own. and got caught by the guards and was beaten by them. and zhivago was handed two choices: save ban or save therion. ultimately zhivago made his choice and abandoned ban ( he was crying when he made his choice ) for the sake of saving his own son, which he was too late in doing.

that was the second time ban felt alone in the world.

years pass, ban is a bandit now. he goes after the fountain of youth after hearing talk of it in a bar. he enters the fairy kings forest. he persists in getting to the fountain. thats when he meets elaine. and in seven days he grew close to her and helped her battle her seven hundred years of loneliness. and he fell in love with her and was going to bring her brother back to the forest, and make him take her place so ban could take her away.

but then a demon attacked. and elaine, who ban wanted to save with the fountain of youth, fed the water to ban which made him immortal. and he kills the demon, but elaine dies before he can even begin to help her.

that is the third time ban felt alone in the world.

and he was heart broken.

its at this point in time that ban believe he cannot be close to anyone, for they are going to leave him. by dying or by abandoning him. he refuses to fight when he is arrested and accused of a false crime but what can he do. he has no proof against their claim, and they cannot do anything to an immortal being. so he takes the brunt of it all and allows himself to be executed over and over again in his time captured.

its at this point that ban wishes he could die. because he doesnt want to live. not when he had nothing to consider a family from his little sister dying so young, his parents neglecting and abusing him. zhivago was his ideal father, he never held a grudge against the man for abandoning him but it still left a hefty hole for ban to carry. and elaine was killed before him and she used the last of her strength to save him instead of herself.

he was powerless to stop any of this from happening. despite that he was only a child, that he was just a human.

meeting meliodas was another of the happier moments in his life. when the man busted him out of prison, literally punching him through the wall, ban knew immediately that meliodas was someone he did not want to lose. there was an interest gained in this man. ban didnt want meliodas to disappear on him. he didnt want him to leave like the rest.

of course history happens, ban gets imprisoned by the weird fangs when he hears that meliodas had passed ( a lie ). and he endures torture yet again to ease the emptiness that wracks his being. bans stated before that dying is just another part of life for him. a daily occurrence. hes mentioned before that hes felt like dying. that its been a long time since he felt like dying.

it doesnt change the fact that hes felt that way.

there are points in time where ban berates himself. degrades himself. hes called himself a bad person. hes referred to himself as a useless piece of shit. that hes powerless. that hes an awful friend. all in regards to being unable to protect those he loves and cares about.

ban cares little about his own well being. its why he fights as reckless as he does, aside from his immortality. ban does not care about himself. theres nothing he likes about him. theres… nothing. he feels nothing for himself. he doesnt even consider himself human anymore unless hes referred to as one.

one wouldnt even think ban feels or thinks this way considering the way he is, as i said before. its easy to think ban is someone who doesnt feel that way but really its been eating at him for over the entirety of his life. ever since his childhood. ever since elaine died. 

and he has terrible ways of coping with it all.

ban drinks himself silly. he lets himself get brutally murdered just come back to life and have it done again when he fights. he seeks out getting arrested to endure torture to feel something than nothing. because hes so tired of feeling nothing.

but in the end, no one except meliodas and elaine ( and king ) are capable of telling really telling bans actual emotions and the way he feels. because around them he drops the face of the fox sin everyone knows. because hes tired. hes empty. he can fake a smile and really well at that. he can put on the face of excitement, the outgoing personality and passion he can exude when needed. but at the end of the day, those feelings and thoughts are still there.

ban has, since gaining immortality, fantasized about death. idealized it. wished he could die. because being immortal is boring. living and dying near constantly runs dry after a time and to think that dying is a daily part of life now is cruel to him when he wakes up like nothing happened.

it was worse when the rumor meliodas had died got around, after hed finally learned to be happy again after the loss of elaine.

when he learned meliodas was indeed alive, and was busted out of baste dungeon to reunite with meliodas, he was happy again.

when the ten commandments and demon clan were released from their seal, and melascula using her magic with the venegeful soul revival, elaine was resurrected and ban was able to reunite with her too, after quelling her anger and hate towards those who had spent their time around ban when she could note and melascula still being kept alive kept elaine alive.

ban was made all the more happier then, too.

but elaine can read bans heart like fairies can. meliodas can read ban like a book because theyre best friends and meliodas understands ban just as ban understands him. and hes able to be open with them, more so than anyone else.

they are the only two he can really be truthful with in regards to his emotions because they are the only two that he trusts enough to let his guard down around and let them see the side that he hides from everyone else.

because he doesnt need more people worrying or whatever in his mind. he doesnt need peoples concerns when hes fine by technicality because hes immortal and nothing will ever come of anything even if he tried to do something. his sense of self-worth is abyssal, he cares so little about himself. hed rather everyone around him be okay and happy than have people worrying over him because its something hes felt for a long time, a very long time. something hes dealt with all on his own ( until elaine and meliodas came into his life ) and hed rather not include anymore people in it.

ban has gotten the short and shit end of the stick too many times to count. hes lost people. hes been unable to save people. he feels powerless in situations he cant do anything to change or fix. he berates himself over these things.

and he tries to keep others out of it because its not something they should deal with, its his own problem. but its hard to deal with it when he doesnt want to. he wants it to go away, he wants to stop feeling and thinking it. but its hard when its constant and he cant do anything about it. aside from drown himself in ale and liquor. and fight so recklessly and with abandon because hell be fine, hell come out unscathed and it gives him something to better focus his energy on than the hollow dull ache in his chest.

thats about the long and short of it

#cxrsedsilence #*letters. ⟨ ask. ⟩ #*record information. ⟨ headcanon. ⟩ #theres rlly content warning all over the place for this #jesus christ but anyways #suicide mention cw. #abuse mention cw. #death mention cw. #alcohol mention cw. #UH LEMME KNOW IF I NEED OTHER TAGS FOR THIS I THINK THOSE ARE THE BIG ONES HERE THOUGH

[buckybarnesdiaries]

a piece of cake

© @jamesbrnes

bucky barnes x reader. ⎢ masterlist.

Something happens at Shuri's birthday party that leads to a heated fight.

word count: 3k words. (fuck, it worth every damn word)

warnings/tags: nsfw, +18!!! angry jealous sex, let's start there. unprotected sex, oral sex (face fucking and ridding), fingering, brief daddy!kink, brief praise!kink, language, cursing, handcuffing, mention of bodily fluids, and probably i'm forgetting something else, i just lost my mind. bucky being the cutest and loving man on earth at the end.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader’s body descriptions to be inclusive.

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You had never been so quiet, but you knew that opening your mouth only could cause a storm inside the car, on your way back home. Believing you could have a pinch of luck, Bucky wouldn't notice that something was raving you mad since the moment you watched him letting another woman give him a spoon of cake. Straight to his mouth. You almost choked on your drink, talking to Shuri about how excited she was to celebrate her birthday in New York, when you witnessed the scene hearing their laughs and watching how they dared to touch his metal arm constantly. Your boyfriend was talking with some of his old friends from Wakanda, not even knowing he made friends there. He never said a word about it. Even so, they didn't have the right to flirt with him. Unless he didn't say anything about you.

But Bucky wasn't stupid. Or at least, not like you thought. Gazing you by the corners of his blue eyes, he was conscious that something was going wrong. He licked his upper lip briefly, slowly. He tasted the waters putting a hand on your thigh, which was your favorite gesture while he was driving, deriving with your fingers laced and him placing kisses on the back of your hand. But you didn't move an inch, still staring through the copilot's window with your elbow nailed there and your chin resting on your knuckles.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing”.

Your passive tone and the lie as a response caused him to frown, pulling over the car to focus on you. He turned on his seat and placed a hand behind the headrest of yours.

“Spit it”.

You couldn't help but raise an eyebrow ironically, looking at him for a second. If he had to ask it was because he wasn't really seeing the dilemma there.

“I'm just tired and I wanna go home, James. That's all”.

James. James. You did it unconsciously, but he didn't take it as an innocent manner of calling him. Unexpressive, the soldier joined the highway driving faster than he used to. You had pissed him off, but it wasn't your problem. He had hurt your feelings with something he didn't give any importance to. The only thing you wanted was to take a shower, put on your comfier pajamas and go to sleep, probably you'd see tomorrow that situation differently than today and you could move on from your insecurities and the jealousy running through your veins.

You arrived at your apartment in record time, keeping the car inside the parking under the building. You removed the seat belt to wear your leather jacket and grab your purse on your feet, stepping out when you were ready. But Bucky stayed inside, just turning off the engine. He didn't have any intention of leaving it, maintaining his hands tightly gripped around the wheel. You ignored him as soon as you couldn't pretend you were just tired anymore. It was the first time something like that happened and you were having a strong desire to throw your guts up.

Three minutes later you were under the warm water with your forehead resting against the cold wall and your eyes closed. Maybe you were overreacting and the rational, mature behavior would be to go to talk with him, tell your boyfriend what made you feel upset. Sighing as you nodded two times, determined to put the cards on the table, you shut off the faucet and walked out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel.

“Oh, fucking hell!” You growled because of the scare of your life when you found Bucky already in your shared room.

He had his back supported on the wall, a leg flexed, and his hands behind himself. No expression on his face, but expecting an explanation from you. You were hoping for something from him too, maybe I don't know what I've done to make you feel like that, can you give me a clue? He just stared at you in silence, drying the pearls of water decorating your body before wearing a pair of black panties and your forgotten pajamas instead of one of his t-shirts impregnated on his scent.

“Com'ere”. Bucky whispered, stretching his flesh hand on air when you were about to go to sleep.

“No”.

Well, that wasn't the proper way to talk like grown adults. You crossed both arms on your chest, standing next to your side of the bed.

“What'd you say?” He squinted incredulous, slowly standing from the wall, pretending you hadn't uttered that word.

“I said no, you fucking punk”.

“The hell d'you think you're talking to, darling?”

“To the cretin who let other women flirt and touch him”. You replied with evident annoyance. “Why don't you go to show them your daddy's skills, uh? Sure I can find someone who respects me in the meantime”.

Suddenly, a grimace you hadn't seen before on him appeared like a thunderbolt. You weren't sure if you just made him feel more furious or if you just broke his heart. But before you could figure it out, Bucky shorted the distance between both in two fast strides and his hands gripped your throat and the back of your neck respectively, pinning you to the closest wall and tossing the lamp on your nightstand to the floor. You complained slightly —with his tongue wildly invading your mouth— because of the strength he used to put you against the wall.

You tried to push him away, to not fall into his charmings, but he made your mind blank when his fingers were firmly nailed in your ass and his body was accommodated between your legs. Your fiery provoked a bulge under his pants so painful that in every rock against your core he wasn't sure if it hurt or if it was some kind of pleasure he couldn't handle. Out of breath, Bucky attacked your neck, digging his teeth in your neck with so much passion that you screamed delighted his full name while pulling his hair. That gesture drove him insane, losing the less sanity he had at that point. With just a push, your boyfriend ripped off your shirt to strip you, in anticipation of your panties suffering the same fate.

Bucky threw you to the mattress on your abdomen, perfectly positioned to what was about to happen. He was so eager, so desperate for showing you what he was feeling that he didn't lose time taking off his clothes, just undoing his belt and unzipping his jeans to pull them down to his ankles along his boxers. You heard him spitting in his hand to use it as lube, although you were sufficiently soaked and ready for your Buck that neither of you needed his saliva. He rammed his dolorous erection into your cunt, crashing his pelvis and pressing it against your ass with all his strength, causing you to drown a loud cry in the sheets.

Tangling his fingers with yours and lacing your arms around your neck, putting all his weight onto your back, Bucky pounded you with an insanely quick rhythm, not giving you any chance to mold your throbbing walls around his length. Your pleased vocals echoed inside your room in total sync with the hits to your g-spot. Your body received with every one of them soft cramps mixed with pain and pleasure, making you roll your eyes and tear your throat.

“'S that wh— what you wanted, uh?” Bucky snarled against the back of your neck, totally gone, not giving you a break or showing any mercy.

“Fuck, no…” You replied, challenging him.

He swallowed a rough moan, wrapping his cold fingers around your throat while using the other to pull back your hair and arch your body. “Don' fucking… lie to me, doll… You wan— wanted your daddy to make you… feel desired over tho— those women”.

And yes, he was right. More or less. But you didn't expect him to react like that. Bucky was rabidly fucking you, moving the bed from its position with every angry thrust into your pussy. You knew you weren't going to last for too long if he continued impaling you against the mattress, just like that. But you both had to recognize that it was the best session of sex of your life.

“You were… fucking mad watch— watching 'em touch my arm… your arm, right?”

You whined at the brutality he used to push his hard cock beyond your limits, holding it there as he tilted your head to crash his lips on yours. Bucky devoured them until they were shiny, swollen, slightly ached because of the bit he left on your bottom one.

“If you don't tell me… the truth… I swear I'm not gonna let you come”. The whisper fell into your ear with such a raspy tone of voice, conscious of him being very capable.

“It was… your fucking fault, James. Not… Not mine”. You grunted, feeling him going a little deeper. “I di— didn't let anybody flirt with me… as if you didn't exist”.

That was the truth, but the wrong answer for him. Suddenly, Bucky pulled out his dick covered in your arousal, freeing you from any grip. A pause that only lasted the time he took to grab the handcuffs from your nightstand to place them in your wrists and secure them around the headboard. Now you were under his total control, defying him by strongly closing your legs and frowning at him, panting and sweating.

“Lemme tell you something”. Your boyfriend said, dangerously crawling over the bed till reaching your knees and forcing them to be separated, wide spread for him. “If you think I was flirting, but you didn't see… how uncomfortable I was… This situation is not my fault”.

The tables were turned as he finished his sentence, settling himself between your legs yet kneeling to raise your ass above his lap. “Not so mouthy now, are you, doll?”

You wanted to speak back, to say something after having a second to reconsider the reason why you were so angrier at him when Bucky pushed you down and rammed his dick back to the place it belonged. You forced unconsciously your hands gripped, wanting to put them on him —wherever—. As soon as he handcuffed you, your desire for touching him used to be suffocating. But you were the one who played from the start, instead of telling him how you were feeling about that situation at Shuri's party.

Bucky didn't even let you kiss him, stabilizing you on top with an arm around your waist and his cold hand holding the back of your head. His hips rocked straight to your g-spot once and once, making you lose any kind of control over your body as your boyfriend didn't have any compassion, needing to find relief to his sorrowful erection by cumming inside your clenching walls. You were driving him crazy, maintaining your eye contact at all moments and almost drinking your delighted, obscene crying, aware that only him could cause you to be so dirty.

“Feels good, uh…? You like it?” Your boyfriend brushed your lips with his, depriving you of his kisses or any other touch. “Bec— 'cause you take your daddy... so damn good, baby girl… So tight… so tight you could kill me”.

“Yes, da— daddy”. You whimpered nodding your head. “Only you… can fuck me li— like that… Only you”.

“That's it… that's it, oh, fuck… fuck, doll”.

You saw him roll that pair of beautiful blue eyes to the back of his head, feeling Bucky's thighs tensing under your legs. You didn't want anything else than making him cum, after overthinking about how he felt, and not about what you witnessed. He was right, more or less. He was still being so innocent in those kinds of situations that he used to feel like a scared kid.

You suddenly fell back to reality when the emptiness sensation invaded you. Bucky pulled out his length from you again, causing you to beg in silence for not denying you the orgasm you were about to reach. But he warned you. Bucky asked you to tell him the truth and you chose to challenge him. Letting you sit on the mattress, he flexed a leg to guide his twitching cock to your mouth, not needing to tell you what he wanted you to do. You just parted your lips, receiving him without protesting, curling your fingers when he forced your limits, and positioned both hands on your head. Twirling your tongue around his base as you could, with your cavity completely invaded, Bucky provoked you a strong gag. A gesture that led to his warm seed being spilled down your throat.

“Fuck my life, baby girl!” He couldn't help but howl driven by the pleasure as you coughed and made vibrate his sensitive skin.

Just holding his dick trapped by your lips for a second, he freed your mouth, taking his time to admire you swallowing his cum and showing afterward your tongue. God, you looked so beautiful disheveled, with teary eyes and swollen lips because of the effort.

“Want me to tell you something else?” Bucky asked while cleaning the sweat in his forehead with the back of his arm, taking the small key to liberating you with his free hand.

You didn't reply, not needing to, as he rubbed your wrists to comfort your skin before lying by your side.

“Com'ere”. He whispered, yet trying to recover your breathings. Bucky wrapped you with his flesh arm, rubbing his iron fingers up and down your tense belly, creating a contrast that caused you goosebumps. “'M so sorry for making you feel like that”.

He kissed you. Slowly, passionate, tasting his own juices mixed with your saliva. Caressing your tongue with the tip of his, and no rush. You felt his digits touring down your skin, till finding your throbbing and needed clit. You weren't able to hold back a sweet moan when he circled his fingertip over your sensible pearl, gladly drinking your vocals.

“When I wanted to react… she was putting that damn spoon into my mouth. It felt horrible, doll, I promise”. He murmured, venturing his long cold finger to part your folds and sink it inside you —moaning at the fulfill sensation—. “You always save me from those awkward situations… but you were having fun with Shuri and I didn't want to interrupt you”.

You were feeling like shit, looking at him through your eyelids as he curved a second finger into your cunt and increased the pace of the pounds with his hand made of vibranium. Bucky spread some gentle kisses all around your face, ending with a tender bite to your lips.

“When you told me you wanted to go home, I felt a huge relief… 'Cause that was everything I wanted. Go home with you. Maybe watch a movie… cuddle… fall asleep on the sofa”.

“Oh, God, Bucky”. You wept onto his mouth, as soon as a third finger filled you, nailing his hand in the perfect position to be moved up and down. “I'm so— sorry, Buck… I'm sorry”.

“Fuck, no”. He let out, thrusting you harder, faster, creating a melody of filthy sloppy sounds while your moans were louder and louder. “I should stop 'em, I didn't… I didn't. But I respect you more than anything, doll… I love you with all my heart. I care 'bout you, 'bout your feelings… Can you forgive me? Can you… Can you cum for me?”

You nodded your head running out of words, seeing your boyfriend snaking his body down the bed to between your shaky legs, yet having his fingers knuckles deep inside you. “Keep 'em open for your man”.

The blow to your abused cunt provoked you a lash up to your backbone, landing your hands on his head as Bucky sank his face straight to your center. His digits fucked you savagely, while his tongue took control of your swollen pearl —sucking, licking, kissing, pulling it back—. He wasn't going to deny that pleasure to you, quite the opposite. You pressed unconsciously his face a little closer to your pussy, swinging your hips and riding his mouth when his caresses and his pushes became too much for you.

Bucky made you cum harder than ever, crying his name till you didn't have any strength and you were just a sack of bones under his expert mouth, devouring you and drinking your juices as if it was the elixir of life. And when he was satiated, you glanced at him using the tip of his tongue to trail a path up crossing your abdomen, the gap between your breasts, your throat, until kissing you again getting comfortable on top of you. It was a kiss full of love, and guiltiness, and necessity, and pure devotion for you.

“Did I hurt you with what I said?” You murmured, still enraptured by the fireworks fluttering within your belly.

“This isn't 'bout me”. Bucky clicked his tongue, hiding his face into your sweaty neck. “This is 'bout what I let happen”.

“That doesn't answer my question, Buck… I'm sorry about what I said. I was just… I feel insecure". You confessed stroking his scalp and back with your hands, lacing your legs together. “I didn't mean it. I would never try to… find someone who respects me more than you do. That's impossible. And not talking about how much you love me”.

“I love you with every inch of myself”. He swore, he promised, raising his face to look straight at your eyes. “I can't imagine a life without you”.

“Me either… Your love makes me feel alive”.

Bucky left one last tender kiss on your lips before suddenly standing up and holding you onto his arms to carry you to the bathroom and take a shower together —wash your hair, worship your body again as if it was the last thing he was going to do—.

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[the-iceni-bitch]

The Days and Nights are Long

Pairing: clueless!Colin Shea x clueless!fem Reader

Words: ~4K

Summary: You and Colin are being idiots and it’s driving his band crazy.

Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content (m receiving oral sex, unprotected vaginal sex, multiple orgasms, squirting), idiots in love, SMUT!!! 18+ ONLY!!!

A/N: It took way longer than I had planned but here’s some more of our drunk, musical idiots in love for you hoes!!! I love them so, even though they’re morons. Tagging my Colin babes @starlightcrystalline and @wayward-blonde because I know they’ve been waiting for this.

I no longer do taglists so if you want to stay up to date on all the latest filth, follow my sideblog @the-iceni-library and turn on notifications!

Colin shook his head and shrugged uncomfortably as he stared at his phone, wracking his brain to think of what exactly he should say to you.

“For fuck’s sake, Shea, just ask her to come up.” Matt looked exasperated, twirling his stick through his fingers as he rolled his eyes when Colin scowled at him.

He’d been moping for the past two weeks, ever since the two of you had slept together. All of his bandmates were getting sick of it, the man was the biggest pouty baby on the face of the planet. If they had to listen to him sing Everybody Hurts one more time they were going to kill him.

So they’d come up with a little plan to get him out of his funk, lining up a gig that would really lend itself better to a female vocalist and feigning innocence when Colin pointed that out. They had really enjoyed hanging out with you on that exceptionally hot evening, and if having you join them again was the only way to get their boy out of his funk, even better. He had actually smiled before pulling his phone out, but then he realized he had no idea what he should say.

The two of you had still been cordial whenever you ran into each other, but there was definitely a strain to your interactions now. No matter how much you both told each other it wasn’t awkward, it was definitely awkward. It was also weird that he was pretty sure you hadn’t come home after 1 AM at all in the last two weeks, and you usually at least spent your weekend nights at some other asshole’s apartment. Not that he’d had any visitors either, but he didn’t want to explore that too much.

He was still staring at his phone screen and trying to come up when some nonchalant greeting that would entice you to come sing with them when the phone was suddenly plucked out of his hand by an exasperated looking Keith, who ignored his spluttering as he typed a quick message before tossing the phone back to him.

“You’re thinking about this too hard.” The bassist said, setting to tuning his instrument and chuckling at the indignant look on Colin’s face.

Colin was about to give a snarky reply when he felt his phone buzz and looked down to see a text from you, grinning when he saw you saying you’d be right up. With an exclamation point! He didn’t even notice the pleased grins his bandmates were giving each other as they watched him start to tune his guitar, plucking a happy little tune and humming to himself.

They were all expecting you to come through the main door from the stairs, so when you shouted hello from behind them after climbing up your fire escape, you were greeted with the sight of five grown men almost jumping out of their skins before turning to greet you.

That grin on your face was enough to make Colin melt, all the awkwardness that had been lingering between you disappearing in an instant when you met each other’s eyes.

“Alright boys!” You took the mic Brad handed you with a warm smile, rolling it in one hand as you trailed the cord through your fingers. “You said you needed my help with something Col, what’s up?”

“Right, these idiots lined up a gig for us without consulting me first.” They all avoided his halfhearted glare with doe eyed innocence, focusing on their instruments. “And, well, the set list isn’t really in my range.”

“Lemme see.” You took the sheet of paper from his hand and scanned it quickly. “That’s a whole lot of girl rock.”

“Yeah, like I said, Ann Wilson and I aren’t really in the same register.” Fuck, it was nice to be able to talk to you again.

“Why don’t you just modulate it, then?” You mumbled absentmindedly.

He gaped like a fish at that question. He honestly hadn’t even thought about it, and even if he had, he wasn’t expecting you to know about modulation.

“If we modulate for him, none of us can hit the harmonies.” Craig piped up from behind the keyboards, and he could have kissed him.

“That right?” You teased, shooting a wicked smirk around at them. “You boys sure you didn’t just miss me?”

Colin tried not to sound too hysterical when he let out a laugh, missing the indulgent eye rolls his band mates were giving behind your backs.

“What do you think, we booked a gig where I can’t sing any of the songs on purpose just so we could hang out again?” Good thing he was pretty, the man was clueless.

“No, you’re not that clever, Col.” He made a mock wounded gesture and you grinned at him, looking over the set list some more. “What kind of gig is this anyway?”

“Yeah, Craig, you never told us what the actual gig was.” Colin and the rest of the band gave the keyboardist a variety of inquisitive stares.

“Uh, it’s a bachelorette party.” He mumbled, avoiding making eye contact with his bandmates when they started groaning.

“Fuck, Craig! I do not want to get felt up by a bunch of drunk, horny women!” Colin threw a balled up sheet of music at you when you started laughing.

“That seems right up your alley, Shea.” You teased, dodging when he threw a pillow from the couch at you. “You don’t want to pick up some rowdy bridesmaid?”

“No, they’re scary aggressive.” He shuddered when he thought about the last bachelorette party they had done, they’d practically ripped the band’s clothes off before they could get out of there.

“Aww, well I’ll be there to shield you this time, sweetie.” You winked at him and moved a little closer to everyone. “Let’s practice, boys. Don’t want to give those girls cause to complain.”

---------------------------------------------------------

It was the day of the gig, and you and Colin had decided to drive together to streamline things. He was waiting in your living room and tapping his foot nervously as he waited for you to finish getting ready, anxious about what actually performing with you would be like.

“Y/N, we need to go!” He never thought you would be the type to take forever getting ready.

“Yeah, I know!” You strolled out to the living room with a grin on your face and he had to swallow a groan. “How do I look?”

“Good, really good.” The way he was looking at you made your grin grow even wider.

The outfit wasn’t even that special, just a denim mini skirt and a tight v-neck tee with a leather jacket. Oh, and thigh high leather boots. It was definitely the boots he was staring at, his eyes trained on the few inches of bare skin between the top of the boots and the hem of your skirt. You gave him a couple minutes to just stare at you before rolling your eyes and strolling towards your front door, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him after you.

“C’mon Shea, we don’t wanna be late.” You scolded, shoving his amp into his hand and slinging his guitar case over your shoulder before heading down the stairs.

He had trouble focusing on the road as he drove you to the bar the party was going to be at, all he wanted to do was memorize the way you looked in that outfit. It was like someone told you exactly what to wear to drive him crazy. Maybe bringing you into this gig hadn’t been the best idea, because all he wanted to do right now was pull over and let you ride him while you weren’t wearing anything except for those boots and that jacket, and maybe whatever lingerie you had on under that outfit.

“Colin, you’re going to miss the turn.” Your voice snapped him out of his little daydream, and he cursed as he took the turn towards the bar a little faster than he would have liked.

“Sorry, just got a little distracted.” He mumbled, slowing down as he turned into the alley behind the bar and put the car in park behind Matt’s van.

The rest of the band was already unloading, waving at you two as Colin shut off his vehicle and you stepped out. You actually gave Craig and Keith little side hugs before you started helping with the unloading, he hadn’t realized you guys had gotten that close over the past week, and for some reason it made him smile.

“How’s it going man?” He didn’t know how he felt about the look Matt was giving him as he helped carry the bass drum inside, it felt suggestive of something. “Y/N seems excited to be here.”

“Yeah, I thought she might be nervous about performing but she’s handling everything like a pro.” He watched you laugh at something Brad said as you worked on connecting your mic. “Maybe we should make her an official member.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Matt just shrugged, laughing when Colin rounded on him and started spluttering.

“I was joking! We can’t just ask Y/N to be in the band!” Could they? Having you around had been a lot of fun, and the band dynamic had helped alleviate some of the tension that had been growing between you two. But seeing you tonight looking like you did and knowing that you were gonna have to have some on stage chemistry to make this work was making him think twice about things. You got a little intense during rehearsals, and the added pressure of being on stage might make him combust if you kicked it up at all.

Matt shook his head at him and set to assembling his kit while the rest of the band started tuning and connecting their instruments. You just sat on a stool and sipped some water, running through a couple vocal exercises absentmindedly as you scrolled through your phone. It only took a couple of minutes for everyone to finish setting up and then it was mic checks all around.

Everything sounded good and balanced after a couple adjustments and the sound guys gave you the thumbs up to start warming up. Colin couldn’t stop watching you. You were so unbelievably relaxed on stage and it was just endearing you to him even more. He thought for sure you would have been a bundle of nerves but you seemed to be right in your element, tossing him a couple of lazy grins over your shoulder as you ran through a couple of songs before the partygoers started filtering in.

The band switched to doing some instrumental ambience shit while they waited for the party to really get going, and Colin wandered over to talk to you when you took a step back from your mic.

“Still feeling ok about this?” He asked, beaming back at the soft smile you gave him.

“Yeah, I’m excited.” You bounced on your toes a little, adrenaline flooding your veins as the crowd grew. “Think I’ll get any bras thrown at me?”

“You never know with bachelorettes.” He laughed, strolling back over to his own mic so he could introduce the band.

If he thought jamming with you was special, it was nothing compared to watching you perform. You were a goddamn natural, coming alive and feeding off the crowd’s energy until you were completely lost in the music. Every time his eyes met yours you were grinning at him, and your chemistry with the rest of the band was palpable.

Not to mention, you kept drifting close to him on the stage, brushing your hand over his shoulders or leaning against him when you harmonized and it was making his knees weak. , God, he could do this with you every night, even though he was pretty sure he was going to need to sneak into the bathroom to jerk off afterwards.

The show was over too soon, the extremely drunken crowd of rowdy bachelorettes finally getting crazy enough that the band was ready to make a hasty escape. You were bouncing on your toes with residual energy as you started helping the guys pack up their instruments, grabbing Colin’s amp after he shoved his guitar in the case and you both made a run for it to his car when a wobbly woman started to try to climb on the stage.

“Colin, holy fuck that was so much fun!” You managed to make it to the alley unscathed and were giving him the most heartbreaking grin. “We’re definitely doing this again.”

“Yeah? Well you did a great fucking job.” Goddamn it, he’d missed you. “We can do whatever you want, honey.”

“Really?” You slammed the trunk closed and started to prowl closer to him. “Whatever I want?”

“That is what I said.” He could feel his voice dropping into that low register that meant he was in desperate need of some sort of release, so he really hoped he wasn’t misreading this situation. “Why? Did you want something now?”

“I think I do.” Your chest was right against his and you could feel it heaving, gazing at him through your lashes while you ran your fingers over his abs. “I stole the keys to the van.”

“And, you wanna go on a joy ride?” He breathed deep when you brushed your lips over his, winding an arm around your waist and pulling you close.

“Or, we could just fuck in the back while the rest of the guys search for these.” You pulled back a little and jingled the keys in his face, sucking your bottom lip between your teeth while he ran his hands over your hips.

“Yeah, that’s a great idea.” He smashed his lips to yours and let out a low moan, his fingers digging into your ass while the two of you stumbled towards the side door of the van.

You fumbled with the keys for a minute because you didn’t want to take your mouth off Colin for any reason, but then you were sliding the door open and the two of you were falling inside in a tangle of limbs before somehow managing to kick the door closed behind you. Trying to undress each other was a little difficult with how wrapped up you were in each other but you managed, tossing your garments away haphazardly as your tongues curled tangled together. Colin grabbed your hands when you went to remove your boots, pulling them up to his face and kissing your palms before winding your arms around his neck.

“Keep those on.” His voice was a low growl and fuck, you forgot how sexy he was.

“Well, cannot say I’m surprised you're a little kinky, Col.” You wound your fingers through his hair and yanked, purring at the groan he gave you. “I’m gonna suck that pretty dick of yours, but then I’ll give it to you nice and rough.”

“God, baby.” He wished he didn’t sound so whiny when you started kissing your way down his chest, but he hadn’t gotten any release except from his hand for the past two weeks and he really needed you to keep doing what you were doing. “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

“Yeah? Knew you were a good boy.” You winked at him when you started kissing the skin above the band of his boxer briefs before you were yanking them down his thighs and immediately licking a heavy stripe up the underside of his cock when it sprung up against his abs.

Colin had to brace a hand against the side of the van when you worked him over, spitting on his tip and watching it drip down his length before spreading it over him with your lips. You wrapped your hand around his shaft and gave him a nice, smooth stroke as you ducked down between his length to press gentle kisses over his balls while you jerked him off. He almost choked on his tongue when you wrapped your lips around his sack and tugged softly, the hum you let out sending a vibration up his spine while your thumb swiped over his swollen tip.

The sounds he was making from just a handjob were enough to soak through the thin lace of your panties, and when he shouted your name when you moved a little lower and teased your tongue over his asshole, well you almost fucking came just from that. You couldn’t believe you had stupidly waited two fucking weeks before indulging in this man again, you finally felt like yourself again. It was driving you absolutely crazy, the way his hips were wriggling underneath you spurring you on until you couldn’t take it any more.

If he thought your hand was incredible, it was nothing compared to the feel of your lips wrapped around his tip while your tongue swirled around his sensitive head. With all the women he’d slept with, he’d definitely suffered through some mediocre and downright disappointing blow jobs. But you felt like you were about to suck the soul out of him, and you’d only just started.

“Ah, Christ.” He was going to pass out if you kept going like this, your mouth was like fucking heaven. “Honey, fuck.”

You shot him a wicked look when you started bobbing your head, taking him just a little deeper each time while your tongue curled around him as much as possible. Then you opened your throat and swallowed him whole and he lost his mind.

He wrapped his hand in your hair and held your head still as he started fucking your throat, his hips bucking wildly while you choked and sputtered around him. Drool was running down your chin and soaking his thighs as you started breathing through your nose, digging your fingers into his thighs while he used you like a fuck toy. You kept your tongue pressed flat against your bottom teeth to avoid choking on it, moaning softly when you tasted the salty tang of his precum hit your tongue. His grip on your hair was growing painful, and you could tell by the way his abs were twitching that he was close.

“Wait, ah shit!” He somehow managed to gather enough self control to pull out of your mouth, groaning at the long string of saliva that kept you connected even as you bit at your swollen lips. “I’m not coming unless it’s in that pretty pussy. How do you want it?”

“Fuck me from behind, Col.”

He growled as he sat up and smashed his lips to yours, savoring the taste of himself on your tongue before flipping your over and burying his face in your hair. You let out a low moan when he slammed into you with no warning, gasping at the punishing pace he was setting and purring when he started mouthing at your neck.

The van was shaking like some sort of cliche while Colin fucked into you with abandon, his hips bouncing off your ass in an obscene display while the two of you whined and panted together. Colin was going to lose his fucking mind, two weeks with barely even talking to you and now he was finally inside you it was all he could do to not go completely feral.

“Oh god, honey.” He was practically whining against your skin when you clenched around him, sucking your ear lobe between his lips while you arched your back and purred for him. “Fuck, you’re so tight and wet. Pussy so fucking good. Tell me you’re close, I need to feel you come.”

“So close, Colin, shit!” You gasped when he hit you deep, curling your body backwards around him and reaching over your shoulder to wind your fingers through his hair and press his lips to yours. “Need that dick so bad. Feel so good when you’re inside me.”

“I know, baby, I know.” He wound one hand around your neck and the other arm around your waist, holding you close while he kissed you deeply and swallowed your wanton mewls with a deep groan. “Come for me.”

His hips ground against you and you slapped the floor of the van when you came, sobbing into his mouth and vibrating underneath him while your pussy strangled his cock. Your teeth nipped at his lips once you were finished, humming happily as he continued fucking you through your high.

“Need more, Colin.” You whimpered when he started slowing down, trying to thrust your hips back towards him as you tried to bring yourself to the edge again. “Harder, I need it.”

“Fuck, I’ll give you whatever you fucking want.” He tugged at your lips with his teeth, squeezing your neck gently and groaning at your soft whimper as you clenched around him. “Jesus Christ, you feel so fucking good.”

You couldn’t respond when he started pounding into you furiously, the way his cock was punching against your soft walls making it a little hard to breathe, never mind thinking. He was hitting every spot you needed him to with each thrust, grunting into your ear each time his hips slammed into you until he felt your breath hitch.

Every time he bottomed out you thought you were going to pass out, the tip of his cock punching against your cervix and making you see stars. It was so good, he was hitting you so deep and smooth you couldn’t believe you’d been denying yourself for so long.

Colin growled when a particularly vicious push had your entire body rising off the floor of the van, your fluttering sigh sending a shiver of pleasure through his body. One more thrust and you lost it, screaming with ecstasy as every muscle in your body vibrated and you squirted all over Colin’s thighs and the floor.

“Fuck, fuck, baby.” Colin was desperate, his rhythm completely gone as he chased his own end while you fluttered around him. “Gonna fill this pretty little pussy up until I’m leaking outta you for the next week.”

“Oh god, please.” Your eyes rolled up in your head while you let him use you, his lips tracing your jaw hungrily as you pushed your hips back to meet his. “Give it to me, Colin.”

He buried his face in your neck and let out a strangled cry when his hips stuttered, thick, warm ropes of white shooting against your soft walls until he was collapsing on top of you with a sated moan. You tangled your fingers with his above your head as your breathing regulated, his breath hot on your neck while the two of you melted into each other.

“We’re not waiting two weeks again, right?” Colin’s arms wrapped around you as he nuzzled into your hair, his lips spreading in a slow smile when he felt you purr contentedly.

“Nope. I’m definitely gonna need this to happen on the regular.” You turned a little so you could rub your nose against his. “You know, in between our other, normal escapades.”

“Right.” His heart fell a little at that, but maybe just interspersing his trysts with you with his other one night stands would help flush his crush on you out of his system.

Before he had a chance to say anything else there was a sudden pounding at the van door, snapping the two of you out of your haze with a pair of exasperated groans.

“Shea!!!” You untangled yourselves as you started to pull on your clothes. “That had better be Y/N in there! If you sad fucked some bachelorette and we have to listen to you sing stupid breakup songs for the next month I’m going to kill you!”

#natalie writes #colin shea smut #colin shea x y/n #colin shea x you #colin shea x fem!reader #colin shea x reader #colin shea #chris evans #chris evans smut #chris evans character #eighteen plus #eighteen and over #do not interact if you are a minor

[cantsaythetword]

Good Vibrations

~A/N  -

So I'm now addicted to Daredevil cause of this lil anon:

"I’m not sure if you’ve watched daredevil (Netflix) before but in case you haven’t: Matt = daredevil and his best friend is foggy. Matt is blind however all other senses of his are heightened, touch, hearing, smell, taste. He can “see” but only through sensing where things are through vibrations in air. Ahh this is long I’m so sorry but could you write a fic where Matt is being tickled because he’s too stubborn to rest after getting bruises as daredevil? with Foggy as the ler! If not it’s okay :)" - Anon

I was like oooooo excuse to make myself start I show I've been meaning to watch for ages and I'm so damn glad I did cause I love Matt with all my heart he is best boy <3333.

I also tried to not use any visual cues (like I normally do such as wiggly fingers or seeing them grin etc) to make it more realistic to Matt so hopefully it doesn't completely mess up the reading experience. Lemme know if you think it's cool or it sucks.

But yeah hope this is what you were looking for nonny!!

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @mysterious-marvel

Masterpost Link

"Client is a 36 year old man, presenting with matters of grievous bodily harm in relation to his 23 year old coworker." The audio player growled, as Matt paced around his living room.

Well, paced was a generous word. in reality his movements were more similar to a limp or hobble.

After a particularly nasty attack from a group of testosterone-fuelled young adults who somehow got the jump on him, the daredevil had suffered a number of purple bruises and weeping gashes across the left side of his face, down his torso, and a nasty looking bump on his right shin (thanks to him kicking an elbow).

"While the prosecution insists this is an open and shut case-" A sudden click ended the voice, and Matt turned around with a soft sigh to face his best friend.

"You look like shit." Foggy chuckled, his body thumping down into the couch.

"Like I can tell." Matt smirked, moving back towards the audio player to continue listening.

"I feel like you shouldn't be moving around too much, maybe patch up those cuts on your-"

"I'm fine." He cut him off, and swiftly changed the topic. "There's something about this case that I just can't put my finger on."

After a brief second of his fingers shuffling across the table, Matt clicked play on the tape and the voice droned on once more. Sure he could sit down to listen, but he wasn't going to give in to resting that easily.

He could feel Foggy grow more restless by the second. The couch crinkled softly with his every move, his foot tapped impatiently against the carpet. Even his breathing was becoming agitated.

"Look, it wouldn't hurt you to just relax for one nigh-"

"I don't need to relax, trust me." Matt gave a soft chuckle of annoyance. "Are you gonna listen to this or-"

"Nope." The man continued. "You need rest, Matt. REST."

"Ain't no rest for the wicked."

Foggy grumbled, abruptly thudding the couch with his hands and pushing himself up. "Don't make me come over there."

Matt couldn't hold back a bark of laughter. "And what exactly are you going to do?"

The second he asked that question, however, Foggy's heartrate elevated in what can only be described as evil excitement.

"Foggy?" Matt stumbled backwards, finding his own heart beating at what felt like twice the normal speed. "Foggy what are you-"

He didn't have the chance to answer that question before his best friend tackled him to the ground.

"Damn Murdock..." Foggy tittered, wrestling his partner until he was sitting on Matt's hips, Foggy's knees clamping Matt's arms to his sides. "I thought you'd be harder to fight than this."

"Shut up!" Matt grunted, trying to throw his opponent off him. But it seemed no matter which was he turned he was completely stuck.

"Now."

Uh oh.

Matt was suddenly overloaded with the sense that something was slowly coming at him. It refused to stay in one spot, almost wriggling and writhing as it made its way down.

"Foggy??" Matt squirmed nervously. "What the hell are you playing at?"

"Oh I think you'll know, but one last chance." Foggy said with a tone of threatening glee. "Are you gonna rest? Or am I gonna have to tire you out so bad you'll fall asleep once your pretty little head hits the pillow?"

"Screw you." Matt played up his bravado, but every nerve in his body was begging him to fight or flee from whatever this terrifying threat was.

"Your choice!"

And with that, twenty vibrations of pure ticklishness pulsed into Matt's abdomen. He let out a squeal before descending into helpless cackles. His nervous system was on fire as Foggy's unbearable fingers danced in what seemed like 50 places at once. One second they were squeezing his hips, the next they were scritching along his ribs, then spidering over his neck (which Foggy decided was his favourite, cause Matt scrunched up his shoulders and his face crinkled in an adorable smile). He was impossibly good at this, and it was driving Matt insane!

"Are you gonna go to bed yet?" Foggy teased over the deafening noise of Matt's barking laughter.

"NEHEHEHEVER!" He blurted out, writhing in mirth and ticklish agony.

"Are you suuuuuuuure?" Foggy drawled, suddenly removing his hands from Matt's extremely sensitive stomach.

"Foggeeheehee!" The poor victim sucked in air, his mouth stuck in a constant beam. Matt tried to sense where his friend would strike next, but it seemed like his senses were completely fried. Like someone had shoved a 50,000 volt battery into a TV remote and expected the buttons to work perfectly. And while this would normally be incredibly traumatising for the man, he was still essentially high on giggles and didn't have a care in the world. It was almost a relief to be fooling around like this.

His break didn't last long, as without warning Foggy's weight shifted. Matt could feel his friend's knees were now closer to his calves, where before they were pressed against the sides of his stomach.

"Fohohoggy?" Matt giggled, awaiting the next onslaught.

"Yesss?"

"Pleaheeheeheese lemme gohoho!"

"Huh." Foggy chuckled. "The great Daredevil begs to be released. Will you go to bed?"

Matt could feel his cheeks burn up, but the silence was all the tickler needed.

As soon as Matt felt something tug at his shoe, he burst into more uncontrollable giggles, anticipating exactly what was coming.

"Foggy plehehehease!" Matt practically squeaked as his shoes were flung off his feet, wincing as fingers squeezed the tips of his toes through his socks to pull them off.

"Sorry buddy, no can do." Foggy sighed, cracking his fingers. "Time for tickles!"

"FOGGEEHEEHEE!"

The incessant scratching sensation sent electricity jolting up Matt's legs, eliciting squeals and superspeed little leg kicks (to the best of his ability, seeing how his best friend is still sitting atop his calves). Once again, Matt's senses were blinded by the tickly vibrations echoing around the room.

There was nothing he could do but squirm and occasionally jolt upright when Foggy squeezed his knees, giggling and cackling all the while. The tickles seemed to grow and grow in both intensity and sensation, before suddenly stopping completely. The lack of stimulation was deafening, and Matt could barely concentrate on his own breathing nevermind what Foggy was planning.

It didn't take long to find out though, as matt's arms were pulled from cuddling across his chest to pinned above his head. The cold floor and Foggy's warm legs created a Matt's-arm sandwich, but the contrasting sensations were the least of his worries. Soft vibrations were projecting towards Matt from right above his face, and this time he knew exactly what it was.

"Fohohohoggy!" He scrunched his cheeks in a face-splitting grin, gently trying to wiggle his way out from underneath his friend. "Stop wihihiggling your fingers!"

Foggy gave an amused exhale through his nose (you know the one), the breath tingling Matt's face. "No, I don't think I will."

"Buhuhut it tihihickles!" Matt squeaked, trying his best to hide his ears behind his trapped arms.

"How??"

Matt cursed under his breath. The tremors in the air were somehow making the hairs on the back of his ears stand up, sending goosebumps shooting down his back and legs. Like strokes from the softest tiniest feathers, his ears were overcome with gentle tingling sensations making his cheeks light up in a gentle pink fade.

"Oh this is precious man." Foggy teased. "But even I'm starting to get tired so let's wrap this up shall we?"

"Nohohoho!" Matt snickered weakly.

"You don't wanna stop? Awww cute."

"That's nohot what I-" Matt began, but was rudely interrupted by 10 wriggling fingers plunging into each of his armpits. Somehow poking and prodding against what felt like the rawest nerve in his body.

He shrieked and screamed and tossed his hips from side to side but there was no escaping Foggy's cruel fingertips. Like twenty tasers shooting directly into his central nervous system, it didn't take long before Matt's breathing turned to wheezes and his struggling became pitiful squirms of ticklish mirth. "OHOHOHOKAY I'M DOHOHOHONE!"

"You're done?" Foggy asked, refusing to show mercy just yet.

"YEHEHES IHIHI'M DOHOHONE!"

"Alright~!" Foggy sighed in a sing-songy voice.

Finally, Matt could shoot his arms back down and roll into the foetal position. Still giggling as the residual tickles worked their way through his extremely sensitive system.

Once the poor man had recovered, Foggy helped him to his feet and guided him to his bed. The second Matt's head hit the pillow, he was out like a light, grin still plastered across his face. Foggy ran his fingers through his best friend's hair a few times, cause as much as Matt would hate to admit it, it was once of his favourite things for someone to do to him.

Standing up, Foggy grinned at his best friend.

"Goodnight you stubborn asshole."

He flicked off the light switch, and gently shut the door.

And that night was the best few hours of sleep Matt ever had.

#fic #mine #tickle fic #tickles #tickle blog #i hope this is cool and doesn't read super weird #fingers crossed #also hope this is the sort of thing you were looking for anon!!! #daredevil #daredevil tickle #matt murdock #foggy #lee!matt #ler!foggy #matt murdock tickle #ticklish matt

[geminil0vr]

"lists" | ron b. weasley (part one)

read part two here !!

summary; you and your boyfriend ron are both completely inexperienced, but one day he asks you what you like in bed. lucky for you, you actually made a list. and he's happy enough to play a few of those fantasies out.

tagged; @weasleyssupremacy

word count; 4.6k

content; smut, fluff, banter, making out, embarrassment, shit ton of blushing, mentions of kinks, mentions of teasing, mentions of hitting, mentions of choking, mentions of sex, mentions of praise, mentions of degradation, cursing, grinding, finger-sucking, spit, cum swallowing, first time foreplay (male receiving oral, female receiving oral), fingering, handjob kinda, orgasms, teaching/instructions, relatively realistic, no aftercare included but you know damn well ron'll take care of you, not really a specific dom/sub dynamic, inexperienced/house-neutral fem!reader, inexperienced boyfriend!ron, think that's it but lemme know if i forgot anything !

a/n; holy shit this took me hours !! in this fic, ron and the reader are sixteen years old. i'm from the uk, where the legal age of consent is sixteen — more specifically, in england, wales and northern ireland, a minor is considered a person under the age of eighteen. and i do not want to write smut about minors, i will never do that. so i did a little more research, standard wiki shite, and in scotland (where hogwarts is) that age is sixteen. sixteen year olds and up are no longer minors in scotland. i know many of you are from different countries and therefore may feel uncomfortable with this age because it doesn't reflect the definition of minor/non-minor in your respective countries, and that is perfectly okay !! i completely understand, hope this made sense bc i'm too fucking exhausted to tell. feel free to scroll by and find another fic to read, please put in a request for any of the harry potter characters if u wish, and have a lovely day :))

you hadn't done much with him.

just kissing, really. some grinding here and there. you were comfortable in each other's grasp, sure, but you both never quite went over that line, of more than kissing, of more than light touching.

didn't make you insecure. nor impatient. it was a comfortable kind of middle ground.

and in that middle ground, you were seated on his thighs, legs either side of him, kissing gently, tenderly. these were tepid, lukewarm, waters, just bordering on more, just bordering on scalding hot, and you didn't mind it. you didn't mind it at all.

pulling back, lips not too swollen, just pink, you smiled softly down at ron weasley.

"you okay?" he asked. you hadn't meant to start kissing, you were just talking, just hanging out, him levitating a marble in his empty bedroom, you reading a book and making sure he didn't try and levitate a lamp — that never went well. not with ron weasley. but he got bored, and your eyes wouldn't focus on the pages, and you'd forgotten your reading glasses and he'd kissed you sweetly, and you'd kissed him back and now... now, you were snogging. you didn't care much for that word. it sounded weird, and heavy, and hot. and things with ron (so far, at least) weren't weighted, and hot, they were warm, and soft, and him.

you took the time to rifle your fingers through his red hair. he'd been letting it grow, just a little, down to the nape of his neck. "yeah, you?"

he grinned cheekily, nose and cheeks flushed already. of course, this was the usual. one kiss from you turned him pink, not out of awkwardness, just passion, you supposed. it was rather cute. and he pushed you further up in his lap, not too close, but closer. you grinned back. you kissed. and you pulled away again, just to look at him.

he took in a sharp breath, before blurting out something he’d wanted to ask for the longest time, "what do you like?"

"hmm?" you tilted your head.

he swallowed. “what do you like?"

"i'm gonna need some context here."

"in bed." now you felt as flushed as he looked. to ask that question, it must've taken a lot of courage. he was a gryffindor after all.

even starting a sentence caused your breathing to pick up. "well, you know i've never done anything before..." that was true. but you'd done your research. you'd actually made a list of what you thought you might like, which was idiotic in retrospect, and quite childish, but you'd done it, and it sat in your bag with a burning prescence.

"but surely you know... ya’ know, what you might like?"

you settled back, more comfortably in his lap, arms still around his neck, but you were less close. "why're you asking?" you teased.

"you know why!" ron groaned, burying his head into your shoulder, and he felt your shoulders shake with nervous laughter.

"well, i guess, i have — well... nevermind." he moved back, face burning, with an eager smile plastered on his face.

"go on, tell me! i want to know."

"it's embarrassing!"

"i won't make fun."

"yes, you absolutely will."

"won't."

"will."

"just tell me."

you swallowed and chewed nervously at your lip. "i've made a list."

"alright, tell me." if he said 'tell me' one more time you would strangle him. speaking of choking, and all that —

"promise you won't judge?"

"promise."

"well it's more of... well, it's not a mental list. i've written it down."

a grin broke out on your boyfriend's face, and you smacked his bicep.

"oi, you said you wouldn't judge!"

"i'm not judging! it's just cute, 's all." his smile faded a little. "so, about that list... why don't you go fetch it?" he said, with a sideways nod of his head.

"fetch? i'm not a dog."

he made the excited face he always had before he told a bad joke. for fucks sake. "aw, well, i figured pet play would be on your list —"

"shut up, shut up, shut up!" with each 'shut up' you punched his chest and he crossed his arms over it to protect himself.

"hitting, is that your kink too?" well, you weren’t exactly opposed.

you groaned and swung your leg over him, "i'm gonna go get my fucking list."

getting up and 'fetching' your bag, you searched through it and found your little, blue notepad. as soon as you'd returned to the four poster bed, ron reached out to grab it, and you quickly pulled back.

"no, i have more than just 'kinks' in there. and i don't wanna tell you everything."

"why not?" he was genuinely confused. that was the problem with these weasley boys: no boundaries.

"if i tell you everything about me then what secrets will i have left?"

"secrets are overrated." he stared blankly at you, shrugging, but still wrapped his arms around your waist comfortably as you swung your leg back over to sit on his thighs. as you flipped through the pages of the notepad, you found what you had been searching for. 27 pages in, hidden between random pencil scrawls, was your list. you'd learned about sex from books, and your friends' experiences, and being a sixteen year old at what is technically a boarding school. and though that wasn't the highest form of education, you knew enough to keep safe, and to feel good, and ron knew enough, too. "so, start reading!"

looking over the first line, your cheeks burned and you shook your head. "i can't say that!"

"want me to turn around?"

"no, i — no. i'm just gonna..." you slid all the way up his lap, ron attempting to ignore that you were right over his crotch in a pair of pretty blue jeans, and hid your face in the crook of his neck, wrapping your arms around his shoulders, embarrassed by your childish ways.

"c—" ron's voice broke, and you fought a smile, "comfy?"

"yeah. i'm ready now." you swallowed, breaths shallow and voice shaky as you brought your list up to your eyes. "um, well, i've heard about, uh —" he rubbed a hand up and down your back. you couldn't see him, but he was grinning and biting his tongue in anticipation. "pet play."

"you bloody liar, tell me the real list! don't be a pussy."

"fine, fine. no pet play. but i, uh, think choking sounds hot." your voice was slightly less shaky as you kept your flaming cheeks out of view. ron was bright red, too.

"uhuh. what next?" his voice was quiet and trembling now, grip on your waist tighter. the atmosphere of his dorm room had completely shifted.

"and, um, teasing. 's hot." your eyes flitted to the next word, trying to keep your composure as ron's grip on your waist tightened even more, keeping you still on top of him. "i like being praised, but being degraded is — it sounds... good."

ron had to fight the urge to groan, not out of frustration, but pure lust. you were by no means innocent, in fact, you tended to make a sex joke every day, or comment 'that's what she said' at every euphemism, but he never expected to hear those words actually slip from your lips. he couldn't speak, his voice got stuck in his throat, and he knew if he even tried his voice would break and go all high-pitched.

"then, hair pulling. hard sex, soft sex." both of your hearts were beating so fast, and you squeezed your legs against him. it was a nervous action, but you didn't expect him to let out a high gasp, and you certainly didn't expect him to grow firmer beneath you. "spanking, breeding, maybe, we'll see." he closed his eyes and let out a low exhale that he’d been holding in.

you pressed your hips harder down onto him, and his nails dug into your thighs. you'd been in this position before, while kissing, but this felt like pure filth, you telling him what you wanted him to do to you, and him just listening, and him getting hard. i mean, he'd been hard beneath you before, on top of you even, but it never led to anything more, and you didn't think you'd ever felt him this hard.

"i — i think i like biting. anywhere, really. not too hard. you have to be gentle with me." you had pulled back a little now, eyes still glued to your notepad, head turned a little so your lips were almost touching his ear. tentatively, you looked away. the tips of his ears were burning hot, and red. you took the lobe between your teeth, biting softly, tongue darting out just a little. his hips bucked up into yours, and you both moaned quietly. "and licking." you slid your tongue over his warm skin, just below his ear, then curved your spine to lick further over the expanse of his neck, causing him to let out another breathy moan.

"fuck..."

"and, spit. i think it's hot. i've thought about it, about you, before. i dunno." you kept your tone unsure, in hesitation. you had more on your list, just things you found hot, situations you found hot, but you closed it and pulled back, unwrapping your arms from around his neck and fiddling with the notepad between your fingers. that was enough, for now. ron was breathing heavily. you were breathing heavily. everything felt hot, and heavy, and it wasn't the norm, not with ron, but you liked it.

"th— that was... good. a good list." he choked, hands still on your thighs.

"yeah."

a tense silence settled between you, until he wrapped one arm around your waist, hand slipping up your back, the other in your hair, and brought you into a feverish kiss. you grinded down on him, moaning into his mouth feeling the reminder of how hard he was, chucking the list to the side and sliding your hands up his shirt as your tongues explored each other's mouths. it felt good. really good. better than you could have expected.

ron gently nibbled at your bottom lip, before pulling away and moving his focus to your neck. you tilted your head to the side, hurriedly moving your hair to the side to give him better access. he licked teasingly up your neck, and you dug crescent moons into his abdominal as he began sucking and biting at the skin beneath your ear, and your pulse point, and soon your collarbone, and before you knew it your sweater was pulled off and he sucked and licked against the skin right above your breasts. this was the first time he'd seen you without a top on, just in a plain, black bra, and he was damn well going to savour it.

you tried to hold back moans, but it seemed impossible when he was burning beneath you, so you did what was natural. you grinded against him and whined as he trailed wet kisses all over your chest, and after a while of you arching your chest into his mouth, you realised what he was doing.

your voice came out breathless, almost breaking. "you're teasing me."

he stopped his trail of kisses to move his face back to yours. "what, you thought i wasn't listening?"

"well, stop." you whined, scratching your nails over his abdomen once more, earning a shallow moan from him.

"i thought you liked it." he tilted his head, almost smirking.

you swiped your tongue over your bottom lip, chest heaving, as you took your hands from under his shirt. "just touch me. please." ron took a moment to take his own shirt off, and you admired the freckles dotted over his pale yet flushed chest and shoulders until he wrapped his arms around you, unhooking your bra clumsily, fingers shaking with lust. you gripped his shoulders, fingers gliding over each mole as your eyes darted over his features.

"so fucking pretty." he licked and kissed underneath your right breast, cupping the other one in his large hand, and your mouth dropped open, brows furrowed in pleasure as he took a nipple into his mouth, looking up at you as you grinded down onto him.

"ron, fuck, i'm too sensitive."

you watched him grin as he slowed his movements and instead licked softly once over your nipple as you threw your head back. you were the hottest thing he'd ever seen. well, he'd only ever seen his brother's porn magazines so there wasn't much competition. but he could say without a doubt that you were the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, your back arched, your head thrown back, your chest flushed. so pretty. but if he didn't speed things up he was sure he would cum in his jeans. you caught his lips in yours once more, struggling with the buckle on his jeans. you knew you wouldn't have sex, not today. but other things were always possible. that thought made your head spin with anxiety and need.

after a little while, you resorted to quickly tugging off your own jeans, ron doing the same, and soon you were back in the same position, except you could really feel him against you. you both looked down at the sight of you in your panties on top of him in his blue boxers, and both laughed breathlessly, kissing once more before you slid off and between his legs. if you'd stayed any longer, he might've felt how fucking wet you were.

"y/n..."

"it's okay, i want to do this. do you? we don't have to." he nodded his head, bottom lip between his teeth. "okay. just tell me what to do, okay? tell me what you like, ronnie."

‘ronnie’ didn't think he'd last that long when your hands were gripping at his thighs and you were on your knees, in only your underwear, between his legs. "okay. yeah."

you cautiously slipped down his underwear, pausing for a second as his flushed and red cock smacked up against his stomach. fuck, he was big, and already dripping precum. you were almost mesmerised with him before you remembered that he might be self conscious, so you proceeded to slip his underwear all the way off, throwing it off the side of the bed and coming closer to him, laying on your stomach and trailing a finger soothingly up and down his thigh. "so pretty." you teased, mimicking him from before, but as you looked up at his desperate face, mouth open, cheeks red, brows raised slightly, you decided that maybe teasing wasn't the best decision in that moment.

so, you wrapped a hand around his cock, feeling it twitch in your hand as ron moaned, head thrown back just like you had before. "that feels good."

"i haven't even done anything yet." you chuckled, looking up at him expectantly until his blue eyes met your own. "tell me what to do."

he gulped. "right, so you just wanna... make your hand wet. spit in your hand. you should like that." he couldn't believe he was saying this to you, or even joking in this moment, because right there, he was totally and utterly at your mercy.

you removed your hand from him, finding your mouth already salivating, and instead of licking your hand, you gathered your spit and let it drop from your tongue down onto it. he groaned as you looked up at him. fuck, he definitely wouldn't last long if you did more shit like that. taking your slick hand, you guided it up and down his cock, hesitantly dragging it over the tip, making him buck up into your hand and drip out even more precum. "fuck, uh... be careful with the tip. it's sensitive."

"sorry." he went to tell you not to apologise, but then you avoided going directly over the tip, collecting more of the precum, and the amount of spit and slick on your hand was creating lewd, wet sounds. if he tried to speak now, he’d probably just whine. testing the (now, scalding hot) waters, you dragged your tongue up his shaft, and he moaned even louder. he seemed to like that, so you did it again, and again, then put the tip in your mouth, pushing your lips down onto it until you got scared that your teeth would graze him.

"fuck, just like that, y/n, you’re so good."

seems he took more notes than you gave him credit for. or maybe this was natural? shit, is this how he spoke normally? he would drive you insane.

and how the fuck did people not use their teeth? at this point, you wanted to hear more of those beautiful sounds coming from your boyfriend's mouth, but also wanted to ask him. so you slowly took your mouth off, making him look down at you in concern.

"ron, how... i'm worried i'll use my teeth."

ron wasn't sure how to answer that, being just as inexperienced as you were, but he tried to use what he heard his friends talking about in the boys dorm.

"i think you just, try to wrap your lips down over your teeth. or you purse your lips. like an ice pop." you chuckled, and so did he. "i guess you have to make your tongue flat and then cover the top ones."

"okay, i'll try..." but before you went down again, he spoke once more.

"and, don't swallow the cum. doesn't taste great."

you nodded, and he watched you as you tried the technique, getting down even further, causing him to grip at your hair. he didn't push you down, just needed something to hold onto other than the bedsheets, that was all. and after all, you did quite like hair pulling. you moved his thick cock in and out of your mouth, wrapping your hands around the parts where your mouth couldn't reach, and looked up as ron's grip tightened on you. you didn't bother touching his balls — that was an experiment for another day.

"fuck, i'm gonna cum," you moved your mouth to just the tip, as more groans left his lips. "y/n, shit, don't swallow, just take your — fuck, take your mouth off."

you were stubborn. so stubborn in fact, that you kept suckling at the tip of his cock as he jerked up into your mouth, body freezing, as you swallowed load after load. you just wanted to please him. and thank merlin you'd done all those water (and to be honest, butterbeer) chugging competitions with lee, or you'd have been absolutely done for. he was right, it didn't taste good, at all. it was salty, and bitter, and as you took your mouth off him and let his slowly softening dick slap against his thigh, you almost winced at the flavour.

ron's chest was pink and flushed with perspiration, head thrown back against the headboard and eyes firmly closed, recovering. "fuck. told you."

"'s not the worst thing in the world. i'd do it again."

"don't say that or i'll get hard again." he reached for his boxers off the side of the bed, awkwardly slipping them on in a sitting position.

you chuckled, reaching to his bedside table to gulp down some water, head fuzzy and chest warm with the accomplishment of pleasing your boyfriend. he wiped a hand over his forehead, taking the glass out of your hand to take a big sip himself before putting it down.

"well, that was exhausting." he groaned.

"tell me about it. my bloody jaw hurts." you grinned, and he smiled back and rushed to peck you on the lips firmly, sending you to fall back against the covers as he hovered on top of you. "what're you doing?"

"don't think i'm done with you just yet." he grinned, but faltered. "unless you don't want to. i don't want to force you or anything, just tell me if —" you shut the clumsy boy up with another kiss, clasping your hands behind his neck and grabbing at his soft hair, wrapping your legs around his waist. you clenched around nothing as you felt his soft cock beneath his boxers against your soaked panties.

"it'd be my pleasure." you muttered against his lips. and he grinded into you once more before moving you so your head was against the headboard, and him between your legs.

"oh, how the turn tables, hmm?"

"shut it, loverboy." you shook your head, biting your lip and looking down at him as he trailed his nails down your inner thighs, making you arch your back a little. "and what did i say about teasing?"

"that it's hot." his crooked smile made your stomach clench.

"that you should stop." your complaints were ignored as the humour in the room dropped, and he looked at the wet patch seeping through your underwear. he seemed transfixed, swiping the pad of his thumb over it, before hooking his fingers into the waistband of your panties and pulling them off, tossing them to the side.

taking his middle finger, he swiped it through your soaked folds, making you whine. "you're dripping." his voice got much deeper, and his throat felt dry, but if he opened his mouth he was sure he'd drool. "did it turn you on, sucking..." he cleared his throat. "sucking my dick?"

you didn't reply, just bucked your hips up into his touch as he paused.

he pressed on. "so?"

"yes, it did." you were so desperate that you actually pouted your lips. seeing ron talk so dirty, despite his hesitance, was the second reason you were dripping. you didn't know he'd be like that. though you should've expected it.

but his shyness hadn't left just yet. "can you... can you tell me what to do?"

you tried to catch your breath, his finger was still over your clit, not firmly pressing, just there. you got distracted for a second, looking down and subtly pushing your hips up, before you bit your lip, swallowed, and met his eyes again. he seemed to be amused by that. "uh, so... you just get your fingers nice and wet, first."

it even surprised ron when he removed his finger from you, and held up his hand to your mouth. your breath hitched. "you're probably wet enough anyway, but go on, then. 's what you like, right?"

you nodded nervously, taking his wrist and putting three of his fingers into your mouth. you sucked them in, making sure to get enough drool all over 'em, before messily removing them and letting spit string down to your tits. ron watched it all, dick growing hard again. he was sure now. you would be the hottest thing he'd ever see in his entire life. you let go of his wrist as he let the rest of the spit drip onto your pussy, the air leaving you cold as he spread it around with his fingers, up your folds, circling your hole. the avoidance of your clit made you throw your head back, as he teased you. he knew exactly where the clit was, frankly, it was pretty clear to see, all red and swollen and big. he was doing this on purpose.

"please, ronnie." you whined.

"okay, okay. what next?"

"you need to touch my... my clit. and maybe put a finger in, but, be gentle, please?"

"you've never fingered yourself before?" his voice broke.

"i tried, just one, but, it's not really comfy when i do it. too tight. fingers aren't long enough, maybe. i don't know." you swallowed nervously. speaking about your personal sexual experiences was embarrassing. ron found it hot.

he took your advice, slick fingers brushing over your clit, then paying more attention to it, playing with it, even pinching it, turning you into a whimpering mess. figuring you were prepared enough, ron gently dragged his middle finger over to your hole. "gonna put a finger in, now. ready?"

"yeah, please."

you gasped and gripped his arm. he eased in slowly, and fuck, you were tight. you'd broken you hymen before, probably by either walking, riding your bike, or simply experimenting on yourself, so there was no resistance as he reached his finger all the way in, just a slight discomfort on your part. he almost began to start moving, but you tightened your grip. "just a second, ron. your finger's bigger than i'm used to." that sentence made him rut into the bed, as he followed your instruction and stayed still. your body relaxed, and he even felt you begin to unclench around him, your ridges less restricting. "it's okay now, you can — fuck."

he'd started sliding his finger in and out, slowly, as soon as you gave the 'okay', and this was definitely better than you could have ever done to yourself. you weren't sure you could come just from this, but you didn't care, it felt good. you'd heard one way to make it better, though.

"try curling up your finger — oh." if this boy could only give you a chance to breathe. that change in movement was hitting a spongey spot inside you that made you clench your thighs together, which he fixed by using his elbow to spread one, and his free hand to hold down the other. you brought one foot up to his back, needing some kind of stability. "you okay?" he asked, which was a loaded question considering that his thumb accidentally brushing over your clit made your entire body jerk, and you weren't just okay, you were bloody brilliant, the blinding pleasure bordering on pain.

"fuck, touch my clit, please." you moaned, head thrown back as he did as you said, making your entire body spasm. you were so close, so fucking close, and you practically rode his fingers as you thrashed up and down, tits bouncing. you were just about to tell him you were gonna come (though with you non-stop clenching around his one finger, it was pretty obvious) when he decided to try something, removing his thumb from your clit and instead sucking onto it.

he'd heard about eating girls out, and it was something he'd always wanted to do to you, to drive you crazy, and if he couldn't do it now he was going to at least include his mouth into some of the action. he wanted to taste you.

with this surprise, you came hard, the heel of your foot pressing into his back, his hand working hard to hold down your other thigh, stomach clenching and eyes rolling back. you were moaning so much and so loudly that you were glad almost everyone was out at hogsmeade. as you came down from your high, ron removed his lips from your clit and slowly removed his finger, your aftershocks trying to suck him back in. your back, forehead and chest were sweating, your entire mouth dry as your eyes stayed closed. ron rubbed his hands soothingly up your thighs as your body spasmed again, and brought himself up to kiss your forehead, a grin that you couldn't see playing at his lips. he wrapped his arms around you as you sighed and leaned into him.

"fuck." you sighed, opening your heavy eyes and glancing at ron who licked the rest of your cum off his fingers, looking up at the ceiling. you were still clenching around nothing. that was the hardest you'd ever came, even better than the showerhead — oh, ron would have an absolute riot if he knew you used the showerhead. "thank you."

he gave you that dumb fucking grin, the one he always had before making a bad joke. "orange you glad you read out that list?"

"shut up and kiss me. idiot."

#harry potter #n*sfw #n*fw #smut #fluff #first time #harry potter smut #harry potter fic #hp #hp fic #ron weasley #ron x reader #ron weasley x y/n #ron weasley x you #ron weasley x reader #ron fic #ron smut #ron weasley fluff #ron weasley smut #ron weasley imagine

[itsallyscorner]

For Tom x

Pairing: Tom Holland x singer!reader

Summary: You have a surprise for Tom:)

Warnings: none, just pure teeth rotting Fluff:)

A/n: Hello my loves! This is literally a rewrite because I accidentally deleted the original version of this story on Tumblr RIGHT before I was gonna post it😭 Anyway here it is, I hope you all like it! Ally x

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

look at my sunshine🥺

꘎♡━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━♡꘎

Your giggles filled the hallway as you lead Tom into your makeshift studio. Since you were quarantining with him and his mates in their shared home in London, you were miles away from your crew and studio. Which, yes, made it difficult to record an entire album on your own—but it did give you the creative freedom to do whatever you pleased for the album.

The boys had their own creative outlets; for example putting together a puzzle or having a movie marathon. While you found those activities enjoyable, the inner singer in you couldn’t stop thinking of beats or coming up with lyrics in your head. You needed the studio—you needed to bring those beats and lyrics to life before you could forget them. So with the help of the houses’ tech lord himself, Harry made it possible for you to have your own little studio in the spare guest room of the house. There, you spent endless days writing and recording things like harmonies and building melodies. Little did you know that this would lead to the creation of your sixth album. Now a couple months later, your latest album is currently in its final stages and would soon be released to the world.

Tom adoringly watched your figure, which was drowned in one of his oversized jumpers, excitedly skip towards the guest room. As soon as you were both inside, you rushed to close the door and eagerly pushed him to sit on the edge of the bed.

“What have you been up to, lovey?” He teasingly asks you. He knew you were up to something, he just didn’t know if it were bad or good.

Your figure was bent over the desk where your laptop was located. Turning over your shoulder you tell him, “It’s nothing bad, I promise!” You’re met with an amused grin on his blush pink lips.

Gathering your laptop into your arms, you move to sit beside Tom on the bed. He curiously leans forward, trying to get a glance at what’s on your screen.

“Nuh uh, it’s a surprise, Thomas.” You playfully scold him and gently push his face away from your laptop. He responds with a pout against your palm before pressing a kiss onto your skin. You continue to click around on your laptop, looking through your documents for the specific file.

Meanwhile, Tom shuffles further up the bed, getting comfortable. He notices the new distance between you and him and decides that he’s unsatisfied with the additional inches. He choses to snake his arms around your waist and lifts you up, happily placing you on the empty and lonely space on his lap. Laying down on his back, he takes a moment to admire the way you look in his jumper. It was a few sizes bigger than you and stopped right above your knees. The jumper may have looked good on him, but it looked absolutely perfect on you.

“You look so cute in my jumper.” He hums, hands lazily rubbing up and down your thighs. Your nose scrunches up as you lightly slap his chest; your silent way of saying “shut up” whenever Tom would say something that made you blush.

You finally find the file you were looking for and place your laptop on your lap. You nervously glance at your screen, biting down on your lip out of habit.

“Ok, so I did something.” You started. Tom squints his eyes at you, “That sounds like the beginning of a really bad something.”

You huff, “I just told you it wasn’t anything bad! Do you want your surprise or not?”

Tom chuckles and grasps onto your thighs, “Yes—yes, sorry, keep going.”

“So you know how I’ve already finished my album?” You question him. Tom nods, staring up at you while you sit on his thighs.

“Well, I wrote a few more songs that were supposed to be on the album. But I don’t know, I felt a bit greedy and decided to keep them for myself.” You explain. Tom raises a brow at you, “Baby, you don’t have to feel guilty about keeping songs to yourself. If you don’t want to share them, you don’t have to.”

“No, it’s just that, they’re about you.” You pause, staring down at your fingers that fiddled together. “Like I wrote them specifically for you to listen to. I wanted to include them on the album, but it just didn’t feel right to share something that was meant only for you.”

You place your laptop on the bed and turn it so the screen is facing Tom.

“So...as a solution, I made you your own album.” You were too busy avoiding his stare, that you missed the twinkle in Tom’s coffee colored orbs. He carefully sits up, his arms around you getting tighter, as he pulls you closer into his chest. Tom ducks his head down to yours, nudging your nose with his to get you to look at him. When your eyes finally meet, the lopsided grin on his features grows wider.

“You made me my own album?”

“Yeah.” You shyly answer. Tom softly coos at you, cupping your face and pressing a chaste kiss onto both of your cheeks.

“You are the most precious thing in the world, sunshine, I swear.” He squishes your cheeks together and began to cover your face with butterfly like kisses. Sweet laughs erupt from you, the sounds making Tom’s heart swell.

You stuff your face in the space between his neck and shoulder, using it as a place to hide from his lips. Instead, Tom opts to lay his kisses along the side of your face, your neck, and your shoulder.

“Lemme kiss you!” He whines. You chuckle at him, finally moving away from his neck. His attention darts towards your lips more than once, prompting you to lean forward and connect them with his. Tom’s lips were soft against yours, like clouds or cushiony pillows. The kiss was short and sweet; though it didn’t prevent you from feeling the adoration and passion he felt for you in that moment. In fact, he felt it all the time, but right now, his love for you was coursing through his veins.

He finally pulls away, leaving the taste of him linger in your mouth. “Can I have a listen?” He motions his head towards your laptop beside him.

“Go ahead.” Tom’s arms unravel from your waist, the area they once occupied left cold and yearning for his warmth. He uses one of his elbows to hold himself up and the other to control the touchpad. His eyes scan the file.

For Tom x

someone like u

test drive

worst behavior

main thing

He glances at you, “I start with ‘someone like u’, right?” You reply with a quiet “mhm”.

Tom clicks on the link. The opening notes of ‘someone like u’ begin to play followed by your angelic voice. You hear him release a content sigh, making a small smile to form on your lips. His arms make their way around you again, this time holding you closer against him. He rests his head on your chest and sneakily presses a kiss onto your neck. You fondly run a hand through his curly hair and rest your chin on the top of his head, listening to the songs you’ve made for him.

The two of you listen through the album in one go with no stops. You found joy in Tom’s reactions towards every song. Sometimes he would make little comments or sounds of shock whenever he heard you hit a certain note. He nodded along to the beats of ‘test drive’ and ‘worst behavior’, dancing around in his seat and making you join him. This time, you didn’t miss the twinkle in his eyes when he listened closely to the lyrics. ‘Main thing’ got him the most, leaving him with a goofy-lovesick grin plastered onto his face.

When ‘main thing’ came to a close, the room became silent, leaving Tom enough time to process the four songs you wrote about him and the meanings behind them.

You were the first to speak, “So did you like it?” You scan his face looking for any signs of dislike.

Tom’s eyes widen, “Are you kidding me? That was bloody fantastic—that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard! I’m obsessed with it, oh my god!” He expressed, arms moving around as he spoke.

His face was radiating with happiness, “You are the most talented and loving woman in the world. And I honestly don’t know what I did to deserve you or your love—but I just love you so fucking much.”

“I love you so fucking much too, you dork.” You laugh, pecking his lips.

“No, but seriously, thank you so much. I know you’re used to writing songs, but the fact that you actually took the time to write songs about me means a lot. They’re just a bunch of songs, but they mean the world to me and I cherish each and every one of them.” He admits, taking one of your hands and placing it onto his heart. Your palm feels the faint rhythm of his heart beating against his chest.

You tilt your head at him, mirroring the smile on his face, “I’ll always write songs about you. You somehow manage to inspire them anyway.”

Tom smirks, “Well I am Tom Holland.” You snort and roll your eyes at his humble brag.

“You’re still a dork, Tommy.” You comment.

Tom shrugs, “I’m a special dork because I’m your dork. Therefore making me superior to the other existing dorks—there’s a difference, darling.”

“And where did you come up with this hypothesis, Mr. Holland?” You question him, playing along with his antics.

“It’s Tom’s Theory.” He answers with feign seriousness. You burst out laughing, “Oh is it?”

Tom leans down to your laptop and restarts his album. “Yes, and now Tom’s Theory, believes that we should listen to the album again until I learn all the lyrics to every single song.” He proclaims.

“Babe, you don’t have to—” Tom stops you, “I’m dead serious.”

It was going to be a long night.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Tags ↴

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Tom Holland + characters Taglist

↪︎ @lovableparker @aprettyfleur @sunwardsss @dummiesshort @thotforcriminalminds @cuddlykoala101 @itstaskeen @whoslili @white-wolf1940 @tomsirishgirlx @roseke @kaylans-imagines @spideyspeaches @slutforsebstan

General Taglist

↪︎ @quxxnxfhxll @just-here-to-escape-from-reality @thegirlwiththediary @agustdowney @bi-lmg @rqmanoff @sesamepancakes @stardustofreading

#tom holland x singer!reader #Tom Holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #tom holland imagines #tom holland imagine #Tom Holland fluff #tom holland headcanon #avengers #tom holland drabble #mcu #tom holland blurb #marvel #tom holland one shot #ally’s request #thomas stanley holland #Tom Holland one shots

[joaquinwhorres]

Blank Out (Bucky Barnes x Reader)

SUMMARY ››››› Bucky Barnes has a list of names–amends he needs to make. When he gets to yours, he finds the amends process a bit more…difficult than it should be.

WORD COUNT ››››› 1,700-ish

WARNINGS ››››› language

A/N ››››› Oh hey, look at me jumping on that Falcon and the Winter Soldier trend. This is the Y/N version of my OC fic. Exactly the same but for people who prefer Y/N. Lemme know if you want to join the tag list!

Bucky stood outside of the door, staring at the wreath of brightly colored fabric leaves, a small wooden sign hanging in the center with the words Give Thanks looping across it. 

He doubted there was going to be much thankfulness for him on the other side of the door. 

He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.

This was supposed to be getting easier. Dr. Raynor told him it would get easier. 

But for someone who hated bullshit so much, she really spent far too much time talking out of her ass. Because this wasn't easy. 

Easy would be surreptitiously wiring a million dollars into each of their bank accounts from the HYDRA accounts he still had access to.

Easy would be taking out anyone who had been involved in the decision to give him the order. 

Easy would be breaking the damn rules. 

The rules aren't meant to make your life easy, James. They're meant to disconnect you from the Winter Soldier. That's the whole point of making amends, isn't it? 

He'd give anything to get her damn voice out of his head. 

Bucky propelled himself up the front porch steps before he could change his mind. Like he had last yesterday. 

He rapped on the front door, accidentally knocking the wreath sideways as he went to pull his hand away. Instinctively, he reached out to right it, centering the sign and taking his hands away slowly to avoid a repeat of the situation. Bucky checked over his shoulder, half expecting Sam's stupid little robot to Zoom into view with Sam cackling and making some dumb quip about metal butterfingers. But Redwing wasn't there. The only other person outside was an old man mowing his lawn in a dingy white undershirt and grey sweatshorts. Bucky's lip curled in disgust before turning back to the door--the sound of locks clicking out of place putting him on alert. 

"Hello?" 

Bucky blinked, his eyes meeting those of the woman before him. Her eyes were striking, pinning him to the spot and pushing all semblance of thought out of his head. 

"Can I help you?"

Bucky blinked, nodding at her. Right. He was here for a reason. Not to stand like some teenage boy who'd just seen the girl next door for the first time. 

"I'm looking for Y/N Y/L/N."

"You found her." 

He blanched. "You're Y/N Y/L/N?" 

The look of vague curiosity that had been gracing features markedly shifted into a look of annoyance. "Believe it or not, Y/N’s come in all shapes, sizes, and colors." 

Fuck this. He needed to get out of here. There was no way he could have this conversation now. 

"Still want to talk to me?" She asked, eyebrows arched and arms folded across her chest. 

No. 

Sam's laughter echoed in his head, as if he'd been here to witness the exchange. And that's why he stayed. Out of spite. 

He nodded. "My name is James "Bucky" Barnes and--"

"Wait a second," she held out a hand and raised an eyebrow on him. He did as she asked, stopping mid-sentence with a sinking feeling in his gut. "You're the Bucky Barnes?"

He nodded, resigned to the fact that this was going to be his worst attempt at amends yet. "Yeah." 

"Well," she breathed, dropping her arms. "If I'd known I was meeting an Avenger at my door, I might have put on some pants." 

His eyes ran down from her face, noticing for the first time that she wore a dressing robe that barely swept the tops of her knees. Her bare knees.

His mouth opened as if he had even the faintest clue how to respond to this and then his jaw moved up and down for a new second as if the motion of talking would bring words. While it didn't muster an apology or some other decent thing to say, he did manage to utter a single word: "Shit."

She snorted at the reaction before smiling for the first time and shaking her head. "If you want to come in and wait, I'll go get changed."

He shook his head. "I can wait out here."

She was still smiling. Probably because she realized he was far more pathetic up close. "Suit yourself, but there's eggs inside."

"I'm good," he said, forcing himself to give a tight smile that didn't reach his eyes. She nodded, leaving the door open behind her as she disappeared inside the house--as if he'd change his mind.

He should leave right now. Turn around and come back a different day when he could at least function like a mostly human being. Bucky ran a hand through his hair, scratching the back of his head. 

The quick, sharp sound of pattering bare feet broke his stream of thought, as another girl came to the door, standing before him with her hands on her hips. "We were having breakfast, you know," the girl announced, her voice dripping with sass. "Now we have to wait until she's done talking to you. And I'm starving." 

Bucky raised an eyebrow. "Shouldn't you be….not talking to strangers?"

"Shouldn't you be eating breakfast?" she countered.

"It's ten in the morning; I ate already."

"We were supposed to have breakfast an hour ago. But Ravi--"

"Rocio, leave Bucky Barnes alone," Y/N's voice called from elsewhere. 

Before he could fully process how odd it was for him to use his name, the little girl's hands dropped from her hips and she stared up at him, mouth agape and eyes comically wide. 

"You're Bucky Barnes?" she asked, her small voice awed. 

He nodded with a deep sigh and another forced smile. 

"What happened to your hair?"

"Got a haircut," he shrugged.

She furrowed her brow at him, her little eyes peering intently at his face. He wasn't sure the last time someone had looked him in the eyes this long. Nobody except Steve had looked him in the eyes since he made it out. The corner of his mouth twitched up. She nodded at him, having composed herself so her little face was serious once more. "I like this better."

"Thanks." He couldn't keep the amusement from his voice. He didn't even really try. 

A thought seemed to hit her, lighting up her whole face with excitement. "Wait right here. Don't move. Promise."  He nodded again and she raised her eyebrows at him, giving him a stern look. 

"I promise," he said, clearly stating each word.

She nodded at him. "Ok. Good." And then she turned and ran into the house, her feet making far more sound than they should for someone of her size.

Y/N reappeared shortly thereafter with a faint smile on her lips, dressed in a copper colored sweater and jeans. "Sorry. You're her favorite."

"She's cute." 

What an idiotic thing to say. 

"Wish I could take credit," Y/N said, shaking her head. "She's my sister's. I'm just the babysitter on duty."

There were some more sounds of scampering and Rocio was back at the door wearing a long black satin glove, reaching about halfway up her bicep. There were lines streaked across it in gold marker to make it look like it was made of metal plates. 

"I made an arm like yours!" she announced, almost whacking Y/N in the stomach as she extended her arm out for him to see. 

He couldn't believe what he was seeing. He'd seen Halloween costumes for sale and shirts with one of the sleeves modeled after his arm, and pictures of guys with an arm wrapped in tinfoil. All of them had been with his old arm--his silver one with the red star. The arm that belonged to Him. An arm made to invoke fear. 

This was the arm of a protector. 

She deserved more of a reaction than a small, breathy, "Wow." 

"Will you sign it?" Her eyes got even bigger if possible, and Y/N started to shake her head, bending over to talk to the little girl,  but Bucky stopped her. 

"You got a marker?"

"I'll go find one!" Rocio disappeared again, leaving him and Y/N alone on the doorstep. She was closer this time, and he could hear her talking to herself and rustling through different drawers. 

Y/N turned her attention from her niece back onto Bucky. "So, why is Bucky Barnes on my doorstep?"

"I uh--when does your sister get home?" he asked, eyes focused in the direction of Rocio's sounds. He swallowed, tearing his eyes away and back up to hers. "I should probably tell both of you...together."

The playful amusement that had been on her face disappeared as she stared at him, as if trying to see inside his head. Like she would want to see what was inside of his head. 

"She'll be here around three." 

He nodded, saved from a response by Rocio's re-appearance, waving a silver sharpie in the air. She offered it to him, and he plucked it out of her hand, taking hold of her toothpick of an arm in one hand and signing his name on the inside of her bicep. Where she could hide the signature if she wanted to.

Bucky handed the marker back to her as Rocio held her arm out, trying to catch sight of his name. 

"Rocio," Y/N prodded, gently. 

"Thank you!"  she chirped, before turning and literally skipping back inside. "Ravi--look!"

He liked her.

"That was really kind of you," Y/N said, warmly. "I think you just made her year." 

He shrugged. 

"Although, I have a feeling that this is all she's going to talk about for the next week," Y/N sighed, shaking her head. "Anyway, Lilly will be back around three if you want to come back then and share whatever secret serious news is it that you need to tell us together." Her voice was teasing, and Bucky's mouth lifted into a smirk.

"I'll be back then." 

"Great," she smiled politely. "See you then." 

He nodded, wishing her goodbye before turning down the stairs.

So much for getting easier.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #tfatws #fatws #bucky barnes fic #bucky barnes drabble #bucky barnes imagine #falcon and winter soldier #bucky barnes reader insert #post-end game #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #marvel #avengers #marvel fic #avengers fic

[marauderundercover]

The Strings that Bind Us: Ch. 4

AO3

Prev

When Bruce asked Marinette to stay the night at the manor for a couple days while he went out of town for work, she was a little nervous. Sure, they’d been dating for almost four months, and yes she’d met Jason and Dick before, but this was the first time she’d be spending time with just Jason. Without Bruce there to mediate. But so far, it’d been fine. They’d gotten closer over the past two months, and Jason was actually a sweet kid. Standing in front of Gotham Academy, Marinette frowns at the sky, willing the rain to stay away. The bell rings and she shifts, nodding at the kids who waved at her, probably recognizing her from the cafe. She shifts to the balls of her feet, trying to see if she can spot Jason in the crowd of kids. Spotting him, she waves excitedly, grinning widely. 

“You’re so embarrassing.” He says, walking up to her and shaking his head. But the grin on his face definitely contradicts that. 

“I’m just excited to get ice cream.” She teases, nudging him gently. Even though he was only twelve (and much shorter than Dick and Bruce), they were close to the same height. Damn her Maman’s shortness. As they walk to the ice cream stand near her favorite park, Marinette listens to Jason explaining his day, frowning as she realizes: he’s being bullied. 

“But it doesn’t really matter.” He adds after telling her about the boys picking on him. Her eyes narrow. 

“Bruce didn’t tell you that, right?” She asks. He shakes his head. “Good, I thought I was going to have to add him to my list.” 

“What list?” Jason asks, frowning. 

“The list of people whose asses I have to kick.” She says, smirking at Jason’s surprised laugh. 

“Mari, you can’t- you can’t just beat up my bullies.” He says, laughing. 

“And why not? I’m short. I’ll say I go to public school. What’re they going to do, call my parents?” She snarks, working hard to keep a straight face. As Jason continues laughing, though, she finds it impossible to keep a straight face and instead joins him. “Seriously though, sweetheart, if these kids are bothering you, I can go up to the school. No one should be treated like that, and if you’ll let me, I’d love to give the principal a piece of my mind for letting it happen.” She adds. Jason sighs. 

“They won’t listen to you. Those kids’ parents have money and shit. I’m nothing to them.” He grumbles and she stops, turning him to look at her. How could this sweet little boy, someone who meant the world to her, say that he’s nothing. 

“Jason Peter Todd, you listen to me. You are not nothing. The amount of money a person has doesn’t mean a damn thing. How you treat others, what you choose to do, who you are as a person, that is what matters. That’s what makes you so much better, so much more than those little pricks at your school.” Marinette rambles, looking right into his eyes, desperately hoping he believes her. He’s silent for a minute, before he lunges forward and wraps his arms around her. Marinette sighs, wrapping the boy up in a big hug, kissing the top of his head. They stand there for a few moments before Jason pulls back, quickly wiping at his eyes. 

“Yeah, uh, if you really wanna go up there I guess you can.” He says, clearing his throat. Marinette smiles, ruffling his hair. 

“As long as it’s okay with you. Wouldn’t wanna embarrass you.” She says and he snorts. 

“I don’t think anyone could be more embarrassing than when B signed me up for school and he was acting like Brucie.” He says and she sighs. She’d heard all about ‘Brucie’ and though he’d never acted like that around her, he definitely still acted like that in public. But without the excessive flirting with models. Finally arriving at the small ice cream cart, Marinette and Jason each get a cone before starting their walk around the park. It’d become something of a tradition when she picked him up from school. She couldn’t always do it, because of the cafe, but that just made it that much more special. They’re halfway down their favorite path when her luck runs out and the rain that had been holding off for a day and a half comes down with a fury. It wasn’t warm rain either. No, the rain was ice cold and chilled her to the bone almost immediately. Gasping, she grabs Jason’s hand and tugs him under a pavilion to try and get some shelter from the rain.

“God, I’m so sorry Jay. I didn’t realize- it looked like it was gonna rain for days.” She says mournfully, teeth chattering as she digs her phone out of her purse, praying that it’s not soaked too. Alfred would definitely come pick them up if she asked. 

“It’s fine M, it’s just rain, it’s not like it’s gonna kill us.” 

---

Bruce walks into the manor, frowning when he doesn’t see Marinette. He’d expected her to still be around, even though Jason was definitely at school. He sighs, guessing that she’d had to leave to deal with something at the cafe. He shuts the door, and is about to go to his study when Alfred appears. 

“Ah, Master Bruce. Your turn.” He says simply and Bruce frowns. 

“Sorry, what?” He asks. 

“Miss Marinette, sir. I’ve tried to help her, but she is extremely stubborn. Thus, your turn.” Alfred says before walking away. Bruce frowns. What happened while he was gone? 

---

“M’fine.” Jason mumbles, swatting her hand away as she tries to feel his head. 

“C’mon Jay, just lemme check. If you have a fever you need more medicine.” She says, sighing in relief when he stops struggling and lets her feel his head. She hums, sitting back in the chair by his bed. “Do you need soup? Or maybe some cocoa?” She asks. 

“No. Just sleep.” He mumbles. Marinette nods in understanding, singing to him quietly despite the tickle in her throat. The poor kid was sick, and she blamed herself for letting them get caught up in the rain yesterday. Just as he falls asleep and she feels her own eyes droop, the door swings open. 

“Mari?” A voice says and she groans, waving whoever it is away. 

“Shhhh. He’s sleeping. Gimme a minute.” She mumbles, glancing at Jason once more before standing and moving outside the room, shutting the door slightly to not wake him up. 

“What happened? Why isn’t he in school?” Bruce asks, his face scrunched in concern. She frowns, knowing he’s probably going to hate her for letting his youngest son get sick. 

“We went for ice cream yesterday and then to the park, but it started raining and we got soaked and now he’s sick and I’m so sorry, but I’ve been giving him medicine and making sure he’s eating and drinking water so he’ll be okay but he definitely couldn’t go to school today.” She rambles. Bruce frowns and reaches forward, putting a gentle hand on her forehead. 

“Mari, love, are you sick too?” He asks worriedly. She scoffs. 

“No, of course not.” She says. 

“Yes she is.” Alfred says as he walks by, continuing down the hall as if he didn’t say anything. Marinette frowns, glaring after the man. 

“Traitor.” She mumbles under her breath. 

“Love, maybe you should take some medicine and go to bed.” Bruce suggests, but she shakes her head. 

“No, Jason needs me. He’s sick.” Marinette argues. Bruce frowns. 

“Have you at least taken some medicine?” He asks, and she pouts. 

“It makes me sleepy. I was afraid I’d fall asleep and not know if Jason needed something.” She says, and he sighs. 

“Mari, my love, you aren’t going to get better if you don’t take medicine.” Bruce says, gently wrapping his arms around her. She sighs and leans into his embrace, feeling safe and complete in his arms. Until she hears Jason start having a coughing fit. She immediately pulls away from Bruce and rushes back into the room, grabbing the glass of water off of his night table and holding it, waiting for him to stop coughing before she passes it to him. 

“Careful kiddo.” She says, setting the glass back down on the night table. She sits on the edge of his bed and gently pushes his hair out of his face. He sighs, his eyes shutting again almost immediately. 

“Thanks Mom.” He mumbles sleepily, and soon his soft breathing is the only sound in the room. Marinette is frozen. Mom. Mom. He’d called her mom. Was it just because he’s sick and exhausted? Or did he actually look at her as a mother figure? Was he going to be embarrassed about it when he wakes up or will he accept it? Would Bruce be okay with it? Or would he be angry at her for it? Would he-

“Marinette, honey, are you okay?” Bruce asks softly, she kisses Jason’s head before standing and burrowing herself into Bruce’s chest. Realistically, there was no reason for him to be mad at her about this. Or Jason. It was just hard to combat her thoughts sometimes. Letting out a shaky breath, she looks up at Bruce with a soft smile. 

“I’m fine. I think I’ll take that medicine now.” She says, letting out a happy sigh as Bruce holds her hand and leads her out of the room. 

“Besides the rain, how was your week?” He asks once they’re back in the hallway. She opens her mouth to ramble about how fun it was, until she remembers Jason’s scowl as he talked about the group of boys at school. The way he clung to her when she promised to do something about it. 

“Actually, I was wondering if you’d be against talking to the Principal at Jason’s school. If I could, I’d like to go with. Some boys are picking on him and I promised him I would try to do something about it.” She explains, nearly missing the loving smile Bruce gives her. 

“I’ll set up a meeting for Monday afternoon, how does that sound?” He asks and she nods. 

“That should work.” She says, tilting her head in thought. “If it doesn’t work, I’m going to kick his ass.” She adds. 

“Okay, love, let’s get you that medicine and get you into bed.” Bruce says with a chuckle. Mari smiles and nods, knowing he thinks she’s kidding. She’s not. No one messes with her kid and gets away with it.

Next

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