#also thanks for the inspiration i love your writing <3

[acciojaeyun]

under the web | p.sh.

PAIRING. officemate!sunghoon x fem!reader

SUMMARY. there's something about the way people seemed to scurry about whenever park sunghoon from the IT department would be coming to whichever area of the office. that's something that would be all because of you, his lovely officemate. your constant teasing and mockery of that one thing you know about park sunghoon made it seem to reach the headlines, and park sunghoon was determined to let you know that you're not the boss here.

CONTENTS. smut, some angst, some fluff. smut with plot. not beta-read. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT.

SMUT WARNINGS. making out, humiliation, implied dom vs. dom dynamics, dirty talk, slight exhibition, curses, virginity, unprotected sex (please practice safe s), reader is a jealous menace (a bit stalker-ish), mentions of manga, mentions of other members, if i forgot some, lmk!

WORD COUNT. 4.1k

AUTHOR'S NOTE. this will be my first ever sunghoon fic after a long while! i did take a hugeee slump after writing ( and had never been so inspired to write oneshots until now. and i'm such a sucker for glasses hoon and this is the product of it. thank you so much for reading! <3

MY LIBRARY. REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

It was an annoying morning.

Or well, for you, it was annoying. For you had to witness a group of interns gushing over the "guy with rolled sleeves and glasses making his coffee," and you scoffed when they mentioned that he looked like an Americano drinker, which, in their words, made him more attractive.

You rolled your eyes, the guy that they were talking about never liked Americano. In fact, his black instant coffee had the same amount, if not more, of cream added to his stainless steel coffee tumbler.

How did you know about that, though?

One thing about you was that you knew Park Sunghoon very well. He was the Class Salutatorian of Batch 2023, bachelor's in Information Technology. It was pretty impressive, if you were to ask everyone else. Park Sunghoon was immediately hired by the company that you are working in, and while you can say that Sunghoon did deserve both the position and the benefits, you couldn't help but feel like he didn't deserve the attention men and women alike were pouring him.

Of course, if anything, it should be you showering him attention. But, you wouldn't do that. Not when you're Y/N Y/L/N. You're the darling of the company, the sweetheart, so to speak. Because even though you cannot be of the same level as that of talent, knowledge, and skill which Sunghoon possess along with his looks, you were a pretty hardworking person.

Being in the Marketing Department also had its hardships, and while you still pray for the day commoners stop shunning down your bachelors, you are able to supply yourself with your needs and wants just by exerting everything you've learned in business and people-speaking.

But there was something about Park Sunghoon that makes him your own thesis.

Your own skill in building relationships didn't seem to work on him as much as you had hoped. Okay, let's admit it, you had taken a liking into Park Sunghoon. The quiet IT Specialist that exuded looks that were enough to make women fall to their knees.

A little bit of chit-chat here and there, some subtle glances and light touches, you were still far from the starting line. Park Sunghoon still hadn't reciprocated at least a fraction of your advancement towards him.

And by now, you're almost as helpless as it could be as you're munching on your own lunch, eyes over the cubicle of the IT department, watching how Sunghoon eats his sandwich, gaze never leaving his computer as he typed in codes with his other hand.

"How's the thing with Mr. Cold guy doing?" Sunoo would nudge your side as he caught you staring at Sunghoon for the nth time today.

You rolled your eyes for the nth time today as well, "He's so annoying."

"Now, he's annoying? Please, Y/N, cut yourself some slack. You need to get humbled, too, you know?" The blonde boy laughed as he sipped on his coffee.

"I just don't know how he hasn't caught up on it yet," you groaned, stabbing your fork on the penne pasta that you had on your lunchbox, "I've been doing a lot! How come he's still oblivious!"

"That, or he knows and just doesn't want to do anything."

You furrowed your eyebrows at Sunoo, "What do you mean?"

"Please, you're practically throwing yourself at him, it's a miracle how he hasn't caught up on yet."

"Or, he's a virgin."

Sunoo laughed, "Maybe,"

A loud thud on your desk was heard throughout the department as you placed your lunchbox down, "I'll talk to him."

"Again?" Sunoo looked at you, bewildered. "And, while he's working?"

"What, can't he handle a little distraction?"

"With you almost pushing your boobs towards his face? I think not."

"You know what? Fuck you." You flipped your best friend off, making him laugh as he ate his tteokbokki happily, ready to see you in your downfall yet again.

You, on the other hand, were determined. Straightening your slacks and blouse, grabbing your laptop, you made your way over to the IT Department, greeting everyone along the way while making a beeline straight to Sunghoon.

"Hi," you greeted.

Sunghoon hummed, his eyes still not leaving his screen.

"I mean to come to you to help me with a feature on the application that we're using?"

The boy glanced at you, his chewing coming to a slow halt.

"What about it?"

"Oh, I was hoping that I can access the Network's files? I've forgotten my flash drive at home and I only have access to some of the files but it would be in Sunoo's disk."

Sunghoon flashed you an impressed look at your terms, at the bare minimum.

"It'd be against company policy to allow you to access other people's disks without their consent, Ms," Sunghoon cleared his throat, pushing his glasses up the bridge of his nose, "and besides, aren't you friends with Mr Kim, anyway? Why wouldn't you ask him directly?"

"Uh, well..." you trailed off, "well, Sunoo also has the copy of this file on his flash drive, and coincidentally, he has also forgotten it at home!"

The boy raised an eyebrow at you. He was not buying it, you thought.

But your thoughts were proven wrong as Sunghoon swivelled in his chair, clicking on the multiple tabs open until he had manipulated the system for the time-being upon your request.

Your hands glanced on his hands, so dainty, long, and pretty. You wondered how it would feel around your neck, or in your pussy.

"It'll be open only for your access, Ms," Sunghoon said, looking up at you, "I'll be resetting it to company's default after forty-five minutes. Would that be enough time for you to get your files?"

You nodded, "Yes, thank you,"

"Do you have anything else for me to help with?" Sunghoon looked at you with a raised brow, making you blush.

"N-No, not that I know of, thank you, Sunghoon," you smiled at him.

He merely nodded before opening his coding software, clearly blocking you out from all his senses as he returned to eating his sandwich and work.

You pursed your lips, inhaling a large breath as you excused yourself from his cubicle, greeting yet another group of people acknowledging your presence as you made your way out of their department.

You were not expecting what you are seeing.

Not at all.

Whatever it was, there seems to be a glitch in the system as you also had an access to Sunghoon's drive.

You see, it was not your fault you were a bit nosy over your crush. You had taken a liking in him, and maybe, you think, there may be some stuff about him in his drive that could let you know a little more about him.

If not him, then, maybe, technology, his trusted friend, could help you.

You've seen his curriculum vitae, all the data he's working with, his clients, as well as a folder of his personal stuff which included torrented movies.

You laughed, his degree really has his perks.

You were so close to clicking off the movie folder named "O", but as you clicked on the next folder, named "P," you gasped at the number of porn videos were downloaded into the folder.

And all of them had the same theme: office sex.

It maybe too much, but in your mind, it made sense, when you were noticing how each of the female partners had the same features as you. Smirking to yourself, you glanced a look at the IT Specialist, bingo.

Surprised would be an understatement when Sunghoon entered the pantry as he went through his usual routine: leave his things at his desk, make his creamy coffee, work, leave to buy Subway for lunch, work, leave at 5:30 PM sharp.

He was surprised when the first people in the pantry left as he entered the room, furrowing his eyebrows when he heard faint words such as, "porn," "boundaries," and "couldn't he have had downloaded it in his own laptop?"

Now, Sunghoon may have been overthinking. His quiet life at work was already enough for him. But there was something bugging him for the first time in his life as he placed water in his stainless cup, especially when after making his coffee, no one would even dare look at him as he made his way to his cubicle, men and women, alike, swivelling their chairs to move farther from him, as if he were a plague.

Sunghoon rolled his eyes, it was getting to his nerves.

And if it weren't for Jake, his only friend in the department, who initially swivelled his chair away form Sunghoon, but then decided to swivel back as Sunghoon didn't even stand up for lunch, who told him about the rumours that spread about him, he wouldn't have known, and there was only one person who would have accessed his files.

You.

He snickered at the story Jake was telling him, and left Jake to his imagination whether the story was true or not, only giving him a shrug when the older did try to confirm to him.

"Believe what you want," Sunghoon responded, typing aggressively on his keyboard, "besides, I think you have, since you initially scooted away from me."

"Look, man," Jake scooted closer, whispering, "if it's not true, I could tell it to them, you know? I don't want them to think of you as some horny teenager who doesn't know about work boundaries."

"As if they're going to believe you," Sunghoon curtly responded before pressing a key harshly before looking at his friend, "if it came from Y/N, no one would even bat an eye at you."

"Y/N? Why her?"

"Only she had access to my files yesterday. Wouldn't it be too much of a coincidence if the story only spread now?" He chuckled, amused.

"So, it's true?"

Sunghoon shrugged again.

"Are you going to do something to address it?"

"Address it? What for? They already think I'm some horny dude, anyway."

"Well," Jake licked his lips, "just send me the stashes next time, too, okay?"

Sunghoon laughed.

Your plan was working.

A lot of people had taken their distances from Park Sunghoon. Making you think you're progressing at your plan to keep people away from him.

You can't help it. As long as there were hindrances in your way towards Sunghoon, you think there would be little chances to make your advances to him. You had yet to tell Sunoo, but you know that he was already aware of the rumour, and he would ask you about it after his client events.

So, while everyone had left Sunghoon alone in the pantry, that was your cue to enter the pantry. Making your way as calmly as possible to the counter as possible, you placed your food on the microwave, heating your breakfast as Sunghoon was stirring his drink in his cup.

"I never took you as the guy," you sighed, faking sympathy, getting more annoyed as you never got any reaction from the boy.

"I was expecting more from you, Mr. Salutatorian, I'm sure you know about policy since you were so high and mighty about it when I tried to get into Sunoo's files," you continued, watching his every reaction.

But he remained stoic. And that irked you.

You were about to open your mouth when the microwave had beeped, making you jump and take your food, frustrated over the fact that Sunghoon was ignoring you. Forgetting that it was still hot and you didn't retrieve the mittens beside it, you burned your fingers, finally getting Sunghoon's attention.

He discarded his coffee and immediately went his way over to you, grabbing a hold of your hand before examining your fingers, his eyes never leaving it as he tried to suck on it in attempts of both soothing the wound and seducing you.

Your breath hitched, making you look at him. What the hell was he doing?

"S-Sunghoon?"

He smirked at you as he pushed your fingers to his mouth, wetting your pointer finger with his warm tongue, only for him to retract it and swirl it on the tip of it.

"There's one menace between the two of us," Sunghoon whispered as he pulled away, leaning in to you, "and it's not gonna be you."

You let out a breath you didn't know you held as he pulled away and made his way out of the pantry.

Weeks later, you found yourself mad at Park Sunghoon.

Because after the incident at the pantry, he seemed to be hovering in your space more times than you would like. And while it did seem the best thing for you, it wasn't. For Sunghoon was not only hovering, but he made sure his presence was made known whenever he was around.

Holding on your waist, rubbing his crotch against your bum, rolling his sleeves whenever he knew you looked at him – while keeping his unbothered expression at his face.

Other than that, you were thinking he was losing his game as another person had suddenly took a liking into you. Food in carton boxes at your table by the morning you come in to work, and while you had hoped that it were him, your hopes were shut down as fifteen minutes after you had arrived from work, only had then Sunghoon, too.

Flowers were also hard to miss every week. There was a different flower every week, the whole department gushing whenever you grab a stem on your desk. And while you had hoped it was Sunghoon, again, you looked at his desk and see him in his natural habitat: working and face straight to the computer.

By this time, you had grown infuriated. Because you felt like he was toying with you. Especially when he was not paying you any attention at the Thanksgiving Party your office had held after reaching more than the targeted quarterly sales, and it was because of you! Why wasn't he giving you any attention?

Blame it on the alcohol in your system, and your innate drive to prove something to Sunghoon, a trait of yours that you have acquired overtime, you made your way towards the guy who was alone at the bar, nursing his on the rocks with his finger dancing around the rim of the glass.

"Aren't you going to congratulate me?" you spat, annoyed.

Sunghoon turned on his seat, smirking at you, "For being the best employee?"

"What else!"

He chuckled, taking a sip on his drink, "Congratulations, princess,"

You scoffed, "That's it?"

He grinned, "What, you'd want me to kneel for you?"

You were stunned. "You know what? Whatever, Sunghoon, I feel like I'm just a game to you, anyway."

And maybe that's what did it for Sunghoon, because the moment you uttered those words, you found yourself being pulled by your wrist outside of the ballroom you were in by none other than Park Sunghoon himself.

"Let go of me, Sunghoon!" you said as you tried to escape from his grasp.

But Sunghoon did not budge, he was determined on making you regret what you say. He pushed the fourteenth floor button, the floor where he was staying, and even though it took quite a while to get to the floor, Sunghoon didn't even try to lay his hands on you, it was better for him to do it on his bed, anyway.

Because you deserved it.

The moment the elevator doors opened, you found yourself being pulled to his room, with heavy breaths as he discarded his suit jacket on the couch, he turned around and met you in a passionate kiss, surprising both you and Sunghoon.

Ah, if there was one thing you didn't know about Sunghoon? Was the fact that he was a virgin. He never had any relationships in the past, and it had only been you whom he was very attracted by. So, it was bound to happen, perhaps. Sunghoon giving you his virginity in the hopes of you reciprocating his feelings.

But Sunghoon was a realistic man, of course, he knew that he was just your own entertainment. Having a lot of suitors here and there, he knew he had to step up his game.

That meant, letting you see through his drive because he was scared of doing the first move of asking you out on a proper date, because everyone was always first in doing so.

A few occurrences later, Sunghoon had decided on levelling his courtship up by bringing you food to your table the moment he gets to work. His bag still on his hand as he ordered your favourite meal as he sped placing it on your table before making his coffee.

Sunghoon had started realising that you liked flowers, so he had brought it upon himself to at least give you flowers every week, keeping it anonymous before he finally musters enough confidence to tell you that it was him who was giving you the gifts.

Not Jake, not Jay, and most certainly not Heeseung.

So, he hopes he had translated all of his misunderstood feelings into the kiss, cupping your jaw as he pushes his tongue in your mouth, swallowing the moan that you had blessed him.

"You drive me so fucking crazy, Y/N," he groans into the kiss, "accusing me of playing with you when you were the one who started this in the first place." He trails off, his lips pressing onto your mouth up and down before stopping by the skin near your collarbones for him to suck.

You let out a whimper, too lost in the feeling of his lips on your skin, "You drive me so fucking crazy, too," you start, letting your head fall back to have the boy kiss more of your skin, "I don't know what's on your mind most of the time." Sunghoon had found your sweet spot below your ear, making you gasp.

The boy hummed, wrapping his hands around your waist, pulling your body flush against his, slowly rolling his hips forward so you could feel his hard cock pressed against you, "Well, it's about time you know that you take over the expanse of my mind, princess."

You were already soaking wet at this point, basking in how Sunghoon looked today, you swear you could feel yourself salivating over how he presents himself. You pull his face away from your neck, locking your lips in an uncoordinated kiss. "I need you, Sunghoon."

Sunghoon groaned, kissing you for a moment longer before abiding to his girl's needs. His cock was aching, and you needed him. It was time to cut the chase.

"My needy little slut," Sunghoon growls as he teased you by rubbing your clit over your panties, and when he slid his hands through her folds, he was met by pleasing wetness, making him chuckle, "You've been trying to fool everyone with how much of a sweetheart you are, angel," he hummed, rubbing his nose on the crook of your neck, "but you really are a menace. Wanting her Sunghoon to give all of his attention to her,"

"Y-Yes," You moaned, grinding your hips on his fingers, "M-My Sunghoon,"

And when he motions to remove his glasses, you tap his wrist and shook your head, making him realise you never want his glasses off, making him chuckle.

"You liked hearing it, don't you?" Sunghoon inquires as he pushes you to the bed, pulling you over the edge of it as he bites on your panties, pulling it down to pool on your ankles, "You love the idea of me being yours, don't you, Y/N?" He smiles as he sinks his finger in you, curling as you clench around you.

"Yes, I do - shit, Sunghoon!" You managed to say, "I did everything because I only want you! Only you!"

Sunghoon docks his head in between your thighs to hide the blush creeping to his cheeks before pressing hot kisses into the expanse of your inner thighs, fluttering light kisses as his lips made its way to your folds, kissing it before he gives kitten licks to your bud.

Your back arches, satisfying Sunghoon with his little experimentation. He, then, soon, pushes another finger in as he started swirling his tongue on your clit, alternating between licking his tongue flat from your hole up to your clit, making you thrash your legs everywhere.

He moaned when you clamped your legs around his face, urging him to continue his movements, "M' close, Hoon," you whispered, one of your hands leaving the sheets to tangle in his newly-cut hair, and with one more curl of Sunghoon's fingers, you were already tumbling over the edge, your cries of his name falling from your mouth.

"God, you're so beautiful, Y/N," Sunghoon whispers as he cleans you off with his tongue, and when he was done, he pushes himself up as he unbuckles his belt and removes his trousers, discarding the article at some part of the room.

"I wanna ride you," You confess, making Sunghoon blush again, "oh, are you... is this your first time?" You asked, your eyes widening slightly as Sunghoon replied with a nod.

Your heart almost burst at his confession, making you sit up and pull him into a slow kiss, "I want to see how you'd look so damn sexy sitting on my cock, Y/N," Sunghoon breathes, "but I want- I need-"

"Take your time with me, Hoon."

A breath escapes you when Sunghoon finally gets you out of your dress, his hands immediately pinching at your nipple. And without another word, Sunghoon lifts your leg and lines himself to your entrance. And with a heavy breath in, he pushes in slowly, the roll of his hips feeling delicious until he's fully buried inside you, low moans heard throughout the room.

"I, fuck, Y/N," Sunghoon starts, groaning instead as you clench around him. Sunghoon hovers over you, his arms on either side of your head before resting his forehead against yours so he could look into your eyes, "God, I love you so much, Y/N."

Before Sunghoon ever regrets he had confessed out of nowhere, you had already pushed your lips on his hungrily, meeting his thrusts, you let out a whine as Sunghoon placed your legs over his shoulders, reaching deeper of you, the same time he rubs slow circles on your clit in time with his harsh thrusts.

"God, you feel so fucking amazing, Y/N," he breathes, earning a chuckle from you as you say, "You're fucking me so good, Hoon,"

Sunghoon smiles at your continuous use of his nickname, before his eyebrows furrow as he lets out a breathless moan as he hit your g-spot, making you squeal, "Jesus, I'm not gonna last much longer!" you say, and you were quick to wrap your legs around his waist, aiming to feel him closer.

"Me either, darling," he whispers, "come with me, please?"

And with a few more thrusts, you feel yourself coming on him, your toes curling, back arching, eyes almost rolling at the back of your head, as your nails rake down Sunghoon's back from his nape. Your walls clench around his cock, making him also reach his climax. He cuts your moans as Sunghoon pulls you to him for a hungry kiss as he empties himself in you.

He slows his thrusts down as he helps you come down from your highs, his lips attached again to your jaw down to your neck, peppering light kisses. And sooner, Sunghoon pulls out and rolls onto his back, his arms around your waist to make you roll on top of him.

A silence was heard in the room as you mindlessly traced irregular shapes on the expanse of Sunghoon's pale skin. He feels like his heart is about to explode from mixed emotions, having the girl of his dreams on top of him, his virginity in your hands – but, at the end of the day, he's unsure about your feelings for him.

However, one thing's for sure: you were all Sunghoon had ever wanted and needed, no matter how much the world can prevent him from doing so.

"I mean every word I said," Sunghoon whispers, kissing your hair, a silent affirmation to the thousand words running in your head.

You giggled, "I feel like I'd look good bouncing on your cock, too, Sunghoon."

"N-Not that.." Sunghoon blushed, "I am really crazy for you, Y/N, but you know, we could just pretend it never happened and think this is a one time thing."

"That's so unfair of you," you say, looking up and leaning your chin on his chest, "because I'd rather have you bringing over lunch and flowers every time if that meant having you every day."

Sunghoon visibly relaxed, smiling at you warmly, "So, it's forever."

"It is."

© acciojaeyun, 2024.

#park sunghoon #sunghoon #enhypen #sunghoon smut #park sunghoon smut #enhypen smut #sunghoon x reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen fanfiction #enha fanfiction #enha smut #sunghoon fanfiction #ksmutsociety #kpop smut #kpop fanfiction #sunghoon au #sunghoon imagine #enhypen hard hours #enhypen soft hours #enha hard hours #enhypen hard thoughts #enha soft hours #enhypen soft thoughts #sunghoon imagines #enhypen imagines #enhypen imagine #park sunghoon x reader

[bittersweet-folder]

can i have 'briefly tracing the lines of their palms' with minghao please?

🪽Ofc love! Thanks for this request! (Please check the masterlist if anyone wants to request anything)

🪽Pairing: Artist Minghao x gn reader , established relationship, non idol au

🪽song rec: understand by keshi | 🪽word count : 437

Here you go with artist Minghao because I believe an artist's hands should be admired🩶

You're Minghao's muse. You love it a lot to be his muse, to be the one whom he admires the most and gets his inspiration from. You may not always understand how he perceived things and beings around him, but you admired the way he expressed it through his brush strokes on the canvas. It's a saturday night and you both were sitting on the couch watching a movie after dinner. You both were cuddled up, all cozy in the blankets. One of his arms was around your shoulder while you cuddled up close, your head resting on his chest. 

It felt comforting and relaxing sharing each other's body warmth like that. You held his other hand with both of your hands. His hands are big with his freshly painted nails shiny because of the light from the tv screen. 

"Hao these look soo pretty" You squealed when he had shown you his new manicure two days back. 

You traced the pretty abstract red and black design on his nails. You also think of how he uses these hands to create those exquisite masterpieces hung on the walls of the exhibition room. It makes your heart swell with admiration and pride. You trace the lines of his palms now. Soft and slow traces. 

"Love, what are you doing?" He asked,his voice a bit husky for not talking for some time now. 

"Mmm nothing, focus on the movie" You mumbled, cozying up even closer to him as if there was a bit of space left between you both. A soft smile laced on your lips now. 

He let out a chuckle. You kept on tracing his hand but then suddenly he tilted your face with his hand you were holding, making you look at you. 

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours hmm?" he asked. He was looking at your eyes, then your cheeks which were slightly pink but not that visible in the dully lit room.

"Your hands are very pretty. I really love how you paint so beautifully, like how your hand is familiar to that feeling" You said. 

He would be lying if he didn't feel the admiration in your eyes, which did make him a little shy. He slowly came closer and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead, his hand now caressing your cheek. He pulled back slowly and smiled looking at you. 

"Thanks, love, that means a lot to me. I love you so much" he said in a softer voice. 

"I love you too Hao" you said, now hugging and resting your head on his chest again. 

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:☆｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆:*:･ﾟ☆

a/n: as someone who loves art and is an artist, writing this was quite comforting... <3

#seventeen #seventeen fanfic #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #svt scenarios #svt reactions #svt fluff #svt fanfic #minghao fluff #minghao #xu minghao #the 8 #minghao fanfic #minghao imagines #minghao x reader #svt

[welcometololaland]

almost uploaded a picture of my bank statement instead of this header! happy days!

thanks for the tags @hippolotamus @kiwiana-writes @happiness-of-the-pursuit @rmd-writes

@nancygillianmvp @terramous @tellmegoodbye @freneticfloetry @beautifulhigh

@orchidscript @myheartalivewrites and @strandnreyes (don't think that was a real tag but i'm taking it anyway to force you to love me).

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

49 (last time it was 46 but i feel like that isn't enough of a difference? disappointed in myself dfhskjh)

2. What's your Ao3 bodycount word count?

1,119,086 which does include some co-writes, but I also have around 200k of unposted WIP in my google docs so i'm counting it (including a fully written fic - someone put their hands around my neck and force me to edit it PLEASE).

3. Which fandoms do you write for?

red white and royal blue, 911 lone star, top gun maverick (flirting with winter's orbit always)

4. Top 5 fics by kudos?

the order of these has changed but not the identity:

Speak for Yourself (RWRB) (you know when eminem said he'd never be able to top My Name Is? this is my version of that)

Fifty First Dates (RWRB) (oodie agenda reigns supreme)

The RIng-In (Lone Star) (otherwise, lone star is in danger of being eviscerated from this top 5 lmao)

(Not) A Cinderella Story (RWRB) (NDAs are hot, apparently)

Cursed is a State of Mind (RWRB) (cursed caffeine is the main drawcard let's not lie)

5. Do you respond to comments?

i try my absolute best to. i am currently really behind and i apologise for that (the problem is, i reply to comments before i post anything and i haven't posted anything in ages).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

serious answer - Contaminated

my answer - oh baby i'm a fool for you because we never find out if they actually watch twilight and that's a damn shame

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

literally everything else - i don't really do open endings or sad endings! in the words of the great philosopher, skepta: "nah, that's not me."

8. Do you get hate on fics?

i used to, but i haven't in ages! thank god for that.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

yes, although i have to say i've been moving away from pwp lately. i feel my best smut is written into longer fics where the sex serves a plot or characterisation purpose within the frame of the overarching narrative.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

yes, a RWRB/LS but i never finished it. ALTA is a veronica mars inspired tarlos fic which kind of feels like a crossover at times.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge :)

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! Phonography (Lone Star) has been translated, as has Baby, Make Your Move (Lone Star) and Warm Whispers (Lone Star). I'm very grateful to the incredible people who have made these translations happen - you are so talented.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

yes, many with @dustratcentral. I also wrote a chapter of a co-written fic with a whole bunch of incredible RWRB authors called never the same twice.

@rmd-writes and I have created (Un)Professional Services and (upcoming) Call Me (By Your Name).

The Rainbow Fish was co-written with @strandnreyes.

I love co-writing so much and I am always open to anyone who wants to give it a go!

14. What's your all time favourite ship?

me + my unposted wips.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the aforementioned crossover which was apparently also my answer last time.

16. What are your writing strengths?

i'm allergic to giving myself compliments but i would say maybe dialogue/banter and worldbuilding.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

keeping things short. also, exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

kinda scared to because i don't speak any other languages and i'm so hesitant to annoy my very talented multi-lingual friends with my annoying questions.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

we don't talk about that.

20. Favourite fic you've written?

probably still Love Game because the experience was just so amazing and i never wanted to stop writing it.

heaps of people have already done this so leaving an open tag and also a couple of suggestions under the cut but apologies if you've already participated or been tagged 7 million times:

@bonheur-cafe @theghostofashton @thebumblecee @indomitable-love @eclectic-sassycoweyes

@tailoredshirt @vineofroses @liminalmemories21 @mikibwrites @birdclowns

@ladytessa74 @basilsunrise @cold-blooded-jelly-doughnut @rosedavid @sanjuwrites

@alrightbuckaroo @three-drink-amy @marjansmarwani @dumbpeachjuice @doublel27

@lemonlyman-dotcom @blueink3 @ambiguouspenny @clottedcreamfudge @emmalostinwonderland

@sail-not-drift @inexplicablymine @celeritas2997 @cricketnationrise @reyesstrand

@goodways @carlos-in-glasses @heartstringsduet @sunshinestrand @sherryvalli

#20 questions #20 questions for fic writers #911 lone star #rwrb #tarlos #fic games #welcometololaland

[mrswint3rs]

˗ˏˋ 𝐦𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐥𝐬 .ᐟ

✧ hihii! being a copy cat and doing a mutual appreciation post. ✧

- lmk if you would like for your tag to be removed -

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @flkwh0re - my bsf. i love you fr. IDEK WHERE TO START UGH. tysm for putting up with me throughout all my rough patches and stupidity :3 someday i’ll get into marvel and stuff for you i swear. since i forced you into resident evil… even without knowing marvel lore, your writing is chefs kiss !! yumyum

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @argreion - actually one of the sweetest people i’ve ever met omg. honored to be able to call you my friend :3 you get me fr thank you for all that you do!! especially with supporting me n stuff when i’m feeling like shit. and you’ve helped sm with my fear of interacting with people on tumblr… AND I LOVE YOUR WRITING AND ART SM TOO. absolutely scrumptious!! you’re too hard on yourself >:(

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @whiskers-my-beloved / @tigardf - one of the first people to like. actually interact with me on here. making that art inspired by my silly wesker fic… actually meant the world to me (still does obvi but) made me feel important :3 AND you’re super super sweet n cool. i love talking to you ^.^ also love your comic pages and your ideas smmm!!

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ - @dollfacefantasy - honestly was so giddy the day you followed me back ‘cause you’re one of my favorite writers. need you to teach me your ways seriously omg. idk you very well but!! you genuinely seem super cool (fight club header alone proves that)

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @sqiim - fellow pack leader!! seriously tho, love your vibe AND WRITING. think about that ethan fic literally every second of every day atp… obsessed with all of your writing though. you seem super silly nd cool :3 would love to interact with you more!! & ur one of my main inspirations with dc (but i told you that before i think)

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @d10nyx - also super silly ily :3 love all of your writing as well AND BOTS. blaming you for my dad toji addiction seriously. AND YOUR ART TOO. too many talents lad… also also thanks for helping me make my secret identity that lasted like. 3 weeks.. led me to being more comfy with dc on main and other ppl!!

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @rigorwhoring - insanely sweet omg. i get super nervous about dming people but you’re rlly easy to talk to! your writing is also insanely good it seriously baffles me. you eat every single time…

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @the-bar-sinister - tysm for all of y’all’s posts about profiction stuff. makes me feel better about writing darker themes and made me open my eyes about a lot of different things. also 90% of yalls reblogs are always real asf and i’m being slowly pulled back into my ace attorney era… AND ty for educating me on whump / whumpee ! and self shipping and all that :3

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @pupcuck - feels illegal to be mutuals with you bc you’re like. an icon idk. your writing is next level. your metaphors and stuff… shocks me to my core every-time i start reading one of your works. uhh never was into inc*st fics rlly until i came across your blog and i was like. whoa. brainrot!! all started with that gilf leon fic i think… also never had seen ddlg in writing before you so ty for that. i have been into darker themes in fiction and whatnot but you brought the demons out of me fr. ALSO you seem super super sweet. AND YOUR CAT IS SO ADORABLE OMFG.

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @missoranjespersonal - also feels illegal to be mutuals with you because your writing is next level. i absolutely adore your chris content. HEART SHAPED PANCAKES MADE ME CRY it was so ughhgggga. but love the way your mind works seriously your ideas are so amazing and i would love to talk to you more :3

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @ch-4-eri - THE jill valentine writer!! so glad i came across that fic you’re seriously so cool :3 if you ever write for lara croft i will pass away on the spot… would love to interact with you more bc you’re so insanely real !

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @xoxostarlet - love youu and your blog theme and nav stuff it’s so perty :3 love your writing style as wellll step uncle leon save me… and knight carlos was the cutest shit ever! all of your writing is but i dont wanna yap too much about each fic T-T ALSO sorry about your divorce 😖

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @admirxation - I FEEL LIKE WE DONT INTERACT ENOUGH AGGH :(( would love to yap about jojo’s with you :3 but seriously love your writing (blessed everyone with that krauser fic esp!!) AND OTHER WORKS OFC BUT. can’t stop thinking about that fic im sorry..

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @angelofwoe - i’ll admit i was very scared to interact with you for the longest time 😭 i loveee the way you write leon.. as a switch, it’s nice seeing some sub leon content for a change!! also not into the whole cannibalism thing but you wrote that so beautifully. and tyty for participating in ask games ^.^

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @getonite - Sebastian michaelis’ canon lover !! i need to catch up with reading your writing omfggg but your blog theme always eats… and directory/nav set up is so cool as well.. need to interact with you more because you seem really cool

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @sassuguru - also super cool blog setup.. i need to learn how to do cards and stuff 😓 loveee your writing like. i despise mori with every fibre of my being but that fic was so yummmm!

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @tipsyleaf - loveee your bots and stuff and how you interact with all of your anons and stuff!! super cute blog layout also. need to interact with you more <3

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @chetchad - never encountered a brad enjoyer before so that’s a nice change :3 looking forward to your works !! you seem very sweet !

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @sirenscriptures - new mutual!! but that heisenberg fic AUGGGGG absolutely ate down. loved it and am hype for whatever you write next!!

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @bonnibuckets - love when you come into my ask box :3 ALSO krauser coming soon…? i will go feral! also also need to catch up on reading all of your works omfg😓 and congrats on 1k!! deserved :3

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @wolfieisacat - also one of the first people to interact with me on here!! super cool and would like to interact moreee (so sorry im terrible at maintaining conversation)

˗ˏˋ 💋 ˎˊ˗ @localkiss - adore your writing <3 heavenly sin was so so good .. ALSO need to interact with you more (ive said this about too many ppl on this list oml but!) so sorry

- more to be added!! promise I didn’t forget you, just trying to do people i’ve interacted with more than once 😭 so plzplz don’t feel left out!! ily all -

#mutuals #mutual appreciation #yapping 🎀 #im so bad at complimenting ppl im so bland with it IM SORRY

[honeybeefae]

3.5K OF YOU OMG

I JUST CHECKED MY FOLLOWERS AND OH MY GOD?!?! THERE ARE FUCKING 3.5K OF YOU?!?! I HAVE SO MANY WORDS AND SO MANY FEELINGS SO JUST ENJOY THIS WORD VOMIT

First of all, keeping this professional, THANK YOU. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. Whether you just followed or have been following since my first post, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I say this a lot but only because it is true but you guys mean the world to me.

I write for you. I laugh with you. I cry with you. I love talking to you all and seeing your ideas and your thoughts; it is so nice to have so many people who not only enjoy my writing but like it enough to follow me! You, and yes I mean you, are amazing. You are kind and beautiful and smart and lovely and just you make my day. My week. Everything. None of this could be possible with out.

Second of all, I have to thank this community. There are so many creators out there that I am lucky to call my friends. They are amazing people and keep my afloat. And even the ones I've yet to talk to (feel free to reach out if you ever feel like it! I'd love to meet more of you!) create the most beautiful pieces of art that inspire me and everyone else. This community is amazing and while sometimes we can get caught up in disagreements, I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Also, please check these artists out and support them! @clairebear08 @readychilledwine @danikamariewrites @cupidojenphrodite @redbleedingrose @sarawritestories @crazysocklovingfangirl @whisperingmidnights @thelov3lybookworm @fieldofdaisiies @the-lonelybarricade

AND SO MANY MORE I AM SORRY IF I DIDNT TAG YOU PLS YELL AT ME AND I WILL ADD YOU I LOVE YOU <3

FINALLY

I WANT TO CELEBRATE YOU. YOU ARE THE REASON I AM HERE, THE REASON I HAVE REACHED THIS MILESTONE. STANDBY FOR CELEBRATIONS.

THANK YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I CANT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING BUT YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING AND I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS SO JUST ACCEPT THIS LOVE BOMB OKAY I LOVE YOU

#bee talks #3.5k FOLLOWERS #OMG #I LOVE YOU GUYS #I DONT DESERVE THIS #OR YOU #YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING #PLS #I LOVE YOU ALL

[darkbluekies]

Lowkey Its inspiring to know you can write your birthday shot over 10k words and somehow still not get any writing block, idk how you do it but I'm amazed by it, shdhdb

Also glad to hear you're doing much better now, again, take your time if you feel overwhelmed or just exhausted, 🫶

May i introduce you to the word count of my private (aka the ones I will use to become a real author with) stories <3

I would love to show you some of my private stories someday!!! The mayority of them are set in history, either around ww1 or ww2

I do get writers block quite often (stuck in 2 of my stories at the moment) but I have such big imagination that it doesn't stick for long!!!

Thank you for checking in, I'm doing much better. I have absolutely 0 study motivation left but I think that all the work I've done so far will carry me through the last 2 months haha so....<333 I hope that you are doing well too!!

#mikyiku

[wlwdwtys]

Viewer arg by Rainbott

I have just found out that the main video of the Viewer arg has been taken down and I am heartbroken. A bit.

Lemme explain what the Viewer arg actually is, or, was. It was a project made by Rainbott (THEY'RE AMAZING YOU CAN FIND THEM ON YOUTUBE AND INSTAGRAM CHECK THEM OUT). It was an arg which started out as a dsmp quiz video on YouTube in which you could explore the smp and test your knowledge, but underneath that you could find a story about self-doubt, struggles of creators on YouTube and the stress of going to college and needing to be an adult.

Now that that's out of the way, I can say that I'm probably one of the only people who even remembers it. It was an obscure project by a small content creator, which was also unfinished and objectively, not that good. However since the moment I first went through it in 2021, I fell in love with it and have not been able to stop thinking about it ever since. (Help) It was casual but had an interesting plot and was quite atmospheric. The main video was made by a ton of different artists which all put a lot of their love and effort into it which I absolutely adored. It was interesting and enticing and it was made by someone with clearly a lot of passion for what they were doing.

Even if it wasn't particularly popular, I literally didn't care. I took that as a challenge, creating my own theories, timeline and going through the game multiple times, writing out interesting details. If you're curious then you can find the fruit of my work here:

I was quite obsessed, forcing like 3 other people, my friends, to see it.

And I was just about to continue writing the script for a whole ass video essay when I went to check and realised that the main video, as well as two songs and the iceberg video all of which had significant sections of the plot were hidden. It, honestly, broke my heart. I felt quite stupid for still liking this project that even the author seemingly deemed as stupid. But, well, I'd still like to say thank you to Rainbott for inspiring me. They said that with this project they wanted to show people that you didn't have to be big or have special programs or something to make an arg, to make a compelling story. It was them because of whom I made my first animation and even my first 3d model. Thank you. Even if you might think that this project didn't matter, please know that there are people who were genuinely affected by it. Keep doing what you love and being an inspiration to many. Thank you.

@rainbott

Even if I forget your face, please remember me - 'A lost memory' by Rainbott

#Rainbott #Viewer arg #Rainbott arg #welcome to dreamworld #Arg #I'm sorry if this is awkward #Wlwdwtys talks

[pixelatedraindrops]

RainCode Sickfic (Sequel 3) preview!

(RainCode Endgame Spoilers!)

Behind the mask…lies the pain you’ve kept hidden all this time…

So as I’ve briefly mentioned multiple times, over winter break I will be writing a new fic, aka the third and final part to my RainCode sickfic trilogy. I call the it the “Sickfics of the Heart” series~ :)

The final fic I write will take place in the post game. Where former Number One, Yuma decides to visit Kanai Ward to check on his homunculus Makoto before the year ends as a break. But he finds out he’s not in good shape health-wise and decides to try to look after him.

I will be making multiple references to my first fic “Home is Where the Heart is” so be sure to read that fic first!

This fic will also contain more angst. (that I will make super fluffy in return :3)

Here is the summary of what I have planned.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Title: A Heartwarming Reunion

With his memories back, Former Number One, now Independent Detective Yuma Kokohead has recently solved yet another case. One more step towards his goal of eradicating all the world’s mysteries. He finds himself a little tired and realized that it was getting close to the end of the year. He thinks maybe it’s a good opportunity to take a small vacation to recuperate.

New Years is usually a time best spent with family. Sadly, Yuma didn’t have any blood relatives. His secondary family was the Nocturnal Detective Agency, but with the master detectives off doing their own thing, and the chief deceased (or rather wandering aimlessly as an undead homunculus zombie) he couldn’t be selfish and take up their time.

But as he thought back to his time spent in Kanai Ward's city of endless rain as an amnesiac, one person crossed his mind. The person who shared his face, his mind and his build. The homunculus clone he had to battle to solve the city’s mystery. (Though he could not remember what exactly happened) The CEO and now Leader of the clouded city of rain full of homunculi like him. Makoto Kagutsuchi.

Yuma thought to himself that even if they were previously enemies, Makoto was probably the closest thing to a blood relative he had left. So he decides to return to Kanai Ward to pay him a visit, to see how the city is fairing and hoping he had some time off to talk and catch up. And as the city’s leader, he was usually alone. He wouldn’t mind a little surprise visit from his original …would he?

Little did Yuma know, that Makoto may have needed his help more than he originally expected. He overhears rumors in the city that speak concerns of Makoto pushing himself too hard. It turns out their city’s leader was ill, and he had only gotten worse due to his days of continuous overworking and trying to brush it off, by hiding it using his mask.

Yuma is about to experience being a caretaker for the first time in his life, and to his own double. He has a bit of trouble at first, but he has a little bit of help from his heartwarming memories of his previous found family, the Nocturnal Detective Agency. He also finds out more about Makoto in the process. Realizing that he’s been in a lot of pain…that he’s kept masked all this time, all alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Also yes this edit is terrible... x'D Makoto's sprite art makes it difficult to edit into his body... I tried okay? x-x;

Anyway, I hope you will look forward to it! I will try to get it done by either Christmas or...the end of the year :3c

Also this will likely be a multi-chapter fic.

#rain code #master detective archives: rain code #rain code spoilers #master detective archives spoilers #fanfiction #yuma kokohead #makoto kagutsuchi #makoyuma #sick fic #caretaking #hurt/comfort #whumpcode #my edits #pixeledits #I WANTED TO MAKE IT CHRISTMAS BUT THEN I REMEMBER JAPAN DOESN'T REALLY CELEBRATE THAT HOLIDAY OFTEN #I'm lowkey super nervous to write this fic #writing post game yuma and makoto will be pretty tricky #but I accept the challenge! I love my skrunklies sm <3 #its makoto's turn to suffer now >:) #being yuma's clone he has the same frail immune system #and I will make him suffer a LOT so be warned #makes it all the more sweet when he's tended to for the first time <3 #also with this fic you can probably either see it a platonic or a ship #the choice is yours but I personally still see them more platonic #SORRY AGAIN FOR THE TERRIBLE EDIT x-x; #also big thanks to other people for helping inspire me with their hcs :3

[loveandthings11]

How Deep My Love Goes, Chapter 9

Read on AO3 Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4 Ch 5 Ch 6 Ch 7 Ch 8

You'll See

Kendall looks up at Sophie from the Lego-covered floor on Saturday morning. Iverson is entrenched in building a spaceship and Rava’s reading on a barstool nearby. After the experience at Austerlitz, he’s turned the penthouse into a sort of energetic hideout, alternating between hanging out with the kids, sitting in Rava’s office while she works on her big case, and calling everyone he knows to try to figure out a way to get back into Waystar. He’s taken a couple of calls from Roman to plan teaming up to talk to Sandy about his mysterious plan, and he’s learned to leave the room to avoid Rava’s looks of uncertainty when they start talking about taking over the company again.

“You want to build something here, Soph?” He asks.

Sophie shrugs and spins around in her ballet skirt.

“No, I’m tired of Star Wars. I want to watch the Kardashians.”

“Uh, I don’t think that’s allowed.”

Sophie giggles and sits down on the chair by him.

“One of them’s named Kendall.”

“Uh huh. I had it first, though.” He’s focusing on finding the right piece on the floor.

“You’re both on magazines.” She smiles at him again, endlessly amused. “Maybe you should be friends.”

He calls over to Rava.

“Rav, what do you think? Should I be friends with Kendall Jenner?”

She raises her eyebrows and smiles serenely.

“No.” She returns to the page and he shrugs at Sophie.

“There you go,” he says.

“Maybe you’ll be on Vogue next!” Sophie giggles again.

“Okay. Go read a book or something.”

“Should I read Forbes?” She asks, trying everything to get a reaction.

He finally laughs.

“Yeah, go read Forbes. Let me know what changes you think I should make to our investment portfolio.”

“I don’t know how to do that!”

“Oh, not yet? Maybe you’ll learn if you read it. Or maybe you should do your homework, that sounds fun.”

“No!!!” She shrieks and runs down the hall into her room. He chuckles.

Iverson looks up.

“Mom says Sophie’s funny like you.”

“Oh yeah?” He grins over at Rava.

“Yeah.” He smiles at his dad for a second and keeps building.

Kendall gets up and walks across the room for another cup of coffee, kissing Rava’s head before sitting next to her at the counter. She looks up from her book and takes a sip from her mug as she looks at him expectantly. She can see the wheels are turning in his mind about something as he taps his fingers on the marble.

“So, uh, I guess I have to go to Tom’s party this weekend,” he says a bit hesitantly. She looks apprehensive.

“Really?” She says slowly.

“Well- I mean, I have to do something. I can’t just let this Dad shit stand. Sandy is probably my best bet, and apparently he’s going to be there. I have to act fast.”

She looks dubious.

“I just- is this whole thing the best way to move forward? What about the art thing, with Frank?”

“Well, sure, I mean, me and Frank can team up on anything, though. I’m taking him with me to the top. Obviously. I mean, and maybe I do both, you know? Take it supersonic. CEO and art expert.” He chuckles. “Just watch me next year talking about who-the-fuck-ever at the Met Gala.” He flashes her a look of real excitement and she watches him pump himself up with her chin in her hand and a weakly happy expression. She loves him like this too much to disappoint him, but the party is scaring her.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to stop you from taking it supersonic,” she says wryly. He really is cute when he gets psyched about an idea. She missed his major enthusiasm.

He puts his face right in front of hers.

“You’ll see.” He gives her a kiss and turns to walk away.

.........................

The next Friday, Kendall walks into Rava’s office at 1:45 in the afternoon looking for something. Anything. She knows he’s already worked out, eaten lunch, read a chapter of his book, checked on the markets, called Roman to argue about including Stewy in their plan, talked to Frank, and helped Iverson finish the spaceship before he even left for school. It’s endearing that he’s still buzzing with energy. She can practically feel the need for action emanating from him and she knows he’s going crazy without a job.

“Hey. No lunch break today?” He asks, trying a little too hard to sound relaxed.

She smiles at his hint at missing out on today’s afternoon delight.

“Sorry, baby. I have so much to do here.”

“Right,” he nods, glancing at the tall stacks of paper on her desk. He feels a little useless.

“Uh… can I help?” He asks.

“You want to put my assistant out of a job?”

“How long does she take to file these?” He gestures at a tall stack of papers.

“I don’t know, four hours?” Rava smiles.

“I bet I’ll be done in half that.”

She shakes her head and chuckles.

“Okay. They’d better be in the right order.”

He gestures to himself and smirks.

“Taking over a multi-billion dollar empire.”

“Sure,” she nods with a smile. “Okay. File away.”

She looks back at her screen and continues reading, and in her absorption it seems like it’s only been minutes when he comes back in with everything done.

“All right,” he says. How long was that?”

She glances at the clock and smiles as she looks up at him from the desk.

“Two and a half hours.”

“That’s pretty good, yeah?”

“Yeah!” She nods in an overly-encouraging way. He gives her an annoyed smile and nods along to her good-natured condescension.

“Okay. Yeah.” They both laugh a little. She turns back to her laptop and lets out a big sigh.

“What?” He asks.

“I don’t know if-“ She glances at him. “Well, there’s some stuff in here that I’ve never dealt with before. It’s, um, sort of business-related, but- bad. I don’t know, we have a consultant but I…” she trails off and looks back at his face.

“You…”

“I kind of need some advice from someone who’s worked with this stuff before a lot.”

“Fuckin’ bad business stuff?”

“Uh… yeah, you could say that. It’s a bit dark. So I guess, someone who has maybe seen some questionable business tactics at work?” She looks at him and he furrows his brow.

“Me?” His eyes widen in surprise for a moment. “Questionable business tactics.” A flicker of amusement crosses his face. “Sure. I might have seen those. But, uh, what about your whole ‘good rule-following lawyer’ thing?”

“I think I’m in over my head,” she says quietly.

“Okay, I’m all yours.” He looks at her like she might be losing her mind. “But, you know that’s illegal, right?” He sort of smiles at her completely out-of-character request. He’s practically kicked out whenever she takes a client phone call. She gives him a really worried look and he sees the seriousness. “Okay, let’s hear it.” She takes a breath.

“Well, you know my client Tony Trume?”

“The- yeah, the one I got the judge-“

She squeezes her eyes shut in guilt as she cuts him off.

“-Yeah.” She sighs. “Well, I don’t know if you’ve dealt with this specifically, but he worked at a resort. And his low-level bosses would gather up the employees at the end of their shifts and collect ‘taxes,’ which, obviously…”

“…were not taxes,” he finishes.

“Right. And some of them were not exactly legally allowed to be working in the country, so they couldn’t do anything about it without being deported.” Kendall sighs. He can see where this is going. “So, I guess one of the guys stood up to the boss one night and refused to give him the money and said he would call the police if he did it again tomorrow. Um, but the next day that guy was gone. And Tony has a work visa so he wanted to do something. So this is- well…” She takes a nervous breath. “…Maybe they killed someone, you know?” She looks freaked out. “And it’s on me to help. I mean, maybe they didn’t kill him. Maybe he’s stuck somewhere, maybe…”

“Fuck,” Kendall says, rubbing his temple.

“Yeah. So, any suggestions? On dealing with resorts, or hospitality, or, you know, kidnapping, murder?”

“Uh… wow. Well, you know, Waystar hasn’t had resorts for like, ten years or something, but there was always some fucked-up shit happening at cruises, so I mean, I can tell you they probably all have NDAs, but if there’s a domino effect the company probably won’t go after everyone. But as for that guy- probably just deported him. Killing him would be kind of hard to cover up.”

A flicker of shock flames in her eyes as she looks at him for a second before she extinguishes it. He doesn’t miss it.

“I- I mean, I haven’t seen that, obviously. But who knows what Mo and those fuckin’ creeps did?”

“You don’t?”

“No!” He scoffs. “Come on, I don’t, we were in college when all that was happening. I didn’t even work there yet.” He’s taken aback by the assumption. “I’m just saying it’s probably good news for Tony’s coworker. He’s probably fine.” She backs off as she realizes the timeline is accurate.

“Yeah. You’re right, okay. Then why hasn’t he called?”

“I mean- would you call if you were him?” He shrugs. “He probably wants nothing to do with them ever again.”

“Yeah.”

“Just, uh, look into NDAs and talk to immigration first. I bet you’ll find him. And he can talk and you’ll get what you need. You’re gonna kill this. You got it. If you need anything, you know, I’m like, five feet away at all times,” he laughs a little. She nods and smiles and reaches for his hand for a minute.

“Thank you.”

He loves the feeling of her wanting his advice. It feels like the old days. He turns to head out of the office, but he wants to clear up the earlier weirdness. He reluctantly turns back around before he gets to the door.

“You know, when it’s me in the top job, I won’t cover for them. If our new plan works, you know, things are going to change at the firm.”

“Yeah. Yeah.” She gives him a bit of a forced smile and he doesn’t like it much. But she’ll see. He dreads the idea of going back into the living room to do nothing and decides to charm his way back into his favorite distraction.

“So you’re making me your new consultant now, right?” He looks at her intensely with only a flicker of humor.

She looks up and gives him a smile.

“Oh, sure, welcome to the exciting world of thousand-page documents!”

“I destroy thousand-page documents.”

“Of course you do,” she nods.

“You gonna be my boss?” He asks, eyebrows raised. She laughs at the floor. His efforts to lure her into a new game are beyond charming.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” She asks, meeting his eyes again.

He shakes his head.

“Absolutely not. I can be your boss, though. I’d like to see you in my office, actually.”

“Well, we’re in my office right now,” she returns smoothly and gestures to the papers. “And I think you could have filed these faster.” She makes a jokingly doubtful face. “You’re supposed to take over a media company or something?”

“That’s it,” he says, striding over to her and scooping her up from the chair by her waist. “You’re in so much trouble,” he whispers in her ear.

“No! I remember it now. Something ‘star.’” She pretends to try to get away as he nods sarcastically. “I don’t know, I was distracted by my hot new consultant.”

“Oh, right. Well, your hot new consultant is about to make moves.” He kisses her until she starts grabbing at him and then pulls back and walks out the door. She gasps playfully.

“What are you doing??” She asks. He smiles.

“Getting dressed for the party. Wait til you see what Jess got me yesterday.” Her stomach drops a bit at the reality that he’s really going to a party that will inevitably be filled with everything he shouldn’t be near. It makes her want to stick close to him. She follows him into their room and sits on the bed while he puts on his new outfit. He opens his arms to show off.

She looks amused at his t-shirt and blazer.

“That’s what you’re wearing?”

“Oh, what- you’re judging?” He smiles to cover the slight insecurity. “This is fucking awesome.”

She tries not to laugh.

“Is it?”

“Yeah.” He shakes his head and chuckles a little. “You know, not all of us want to wear cardigans all the time.”

“Wow, I like my cardigans.”

“Oh, I know,” he teases. “At night I just think about unbuttoning all those sexy sweaters you have.” His glances down her body and thinks that sounds good right now. The only good thing about their time apart was the fanning of the flame between them.

“Okay, BYE. You can leave now,” she laughs and his mind wanders.

“Remember that little green thing you wore to the club in Prague that one time that we-“

“Almost got arrested?” She crosses her arms and can’t help smiling a little bit. “Yes, I do.”

“Do you still have it?”

“Bye, Ken!”

She playfully pushes him out the bedroom door and she walks back inside.

“Will you wear it when I get home?” She hears through the door.

She sticks her head out the door.

“Maybe.”

.........................

The creepy dark and wet entryway is enough to make him want to turn around again. It makes him uneasy and he doesn’t even know why. It just feels wrong. Everything does here. He walks slowly with Roman into the party, but once he’s in, he only glances around for a second before searching for Sandy with a tunnel vision he’s been planning. He doesn’t even want to see the endless variety of what’s in everyone’s pockets here.

“Ken.” He turns around with dread at hearing Stewy’s voice behind him. Sandy stands talking to a few people nearby. Kendall keeps it cold when he speaks.

“I’m not here to talk to you.”

“Ohh, who told you not to, your therapist?” Kendall crosses his arms. “Tell her I say hi,” Stewy smiles. “Is she hot? I bet you got the hottest therapist in the city.”

Kendall scoffs.

“Fuck off, man, seriously. I have my life together and things cooking, despite your best efforts.”

Stewy looks slightly pained.

“Come on. I don’t want it to be like that. I told you in my many messages, I had-“

“-to follow the money,” they say in unison. Kendall rolls his eyes.

“Well, I hope it was worth it,” he says bitterly.

“Ken. Come on, talk to me about this. The vote’s in the past. And yes, I should have told you about Sandy. But maybe there’s an opportunity here. Ro Ro tell you what we have on the table?”

“Sure. Except I can’t trust you.”

“Okay. That’s fair.” Kendall’s done with this and shakes his head, starting to turn away. “And what if I told you there’s a shape for this bear hug in which you end up where you want to be?”

Kendall furrows his brow and gives him an uncertain look.

“As in…”

Stewy tilts his head and savors the words he says.

“C-E-O.”

He can feel Kendall’s surge of energy from the possibility those three syllables have.

“Yeah, well, that’s- that’s not real. If the market doesn’t think-“

Stewy shrugs casually.

“We’ll sell it. It’ll work.”

He looks at Stewy suspiciously but Stewy knows there’s no way he’s walking away now.

“Well, obviously that’s bullshit. That’s not what you said last month. I want to hear it from Sandy.”

Stewy rolls his eyes.

“Sandy!” He calls. He lowers his voice. “He’s not going to appreciate you interrupting his freak time, Ken.” Kendall doesn’t smile. Sandy walks over and shakes Kendall’s hand.

“Our new business partner,” Sandy greets him. That slightly phony smile never changes, Kendall thinks.

“Sandy, good to see you.”

“I see Stewy must have been filling you in. We all have our hands full tonight, so I’ll just get to the point. We’d like to have you in charge.” Stewy gives Kendall a look.

“Uh huh. And, uh, if I can ask, why this sudden decision?”

“Well,” Sandy smiles wider. “I think we all have at least one common goal here.”

He doesn’t need to say it for Kendall to realize that his father’s biggest rival would love nothing more than simply to make Logan fly off the handle. Kendall looks away for a second. Of course that’s why they want him to lead. It was supposed to make his dad proud to see him take over. He forces a smile and tries to focus on the memory of the morning last month when he walked in the office before everyone else as interim CEO. Just for a moment, he’d felt like he was right where he was supposed to be.

“Yes, we do have one thing in common.”

“Good, good. Glad that’s settled.”

“Sure, but you should know that I know this shit inside out. I’m not looking to be a figurehead.”

“No, no, of course not. And as a non-figurehead, you do understand, then, that there may or may not be a place for your brother.”

Kendall freezes for a moment.

“Well- right, but, uh, we’ll find him something.” Sandy raises his eyebrows and it’s not beyond Kendall that this is a test. “I mean- someone must need an assistant, right?” He fake-smiles and Sandy gives him a long look of assessment.

“Right. Or not, we’ll see. Nice to see you, Kendall. Enjoy the night.” Sandy gives a conspiratorial nod and heads back toward his group.

Stewy looks at Kendall and waits for him to say something. Kendall crosses his arms again.

“So, what, I’m supposed to be happy to be a pawn in Sandy’s fucking revenge plot against my dad?”

“Don’t think of it like that. Think of it like, I get fuckin’ rich, Sandy gets his revenge, and you get the title you want so much.” Stewy says it with just enough sarcasm not to sell it.

“I want the actual role, Stewy.”

“You’ll have it!”

Kendall searches his eyes to see if it’s true. Unreadable.

Stewy’s face softens for a moment.

"Come on, you and me, bro. Let’s do this. Finally.” He opens his arms.

Kendall’s half-reluctant as he gives in and lets Stewy give him a big hug. He stares across the room and wonders if he should have told him to fuck off again instead. Stewy’s relieved and pats Kendall’s back as he lets go. He checks his phone and smiles.

“Okay. Good. So we’re set. And I have to go, I’m in high demand tonight. But hey. We’re doing this.”

“Right.”

“Like we always planned!” Stewy calls as he points at Kendall and walks into the throng of people.

Kendall walks away from Stewy and sighs. He hates that he always forgives everyone so easily. He grimaces at the idea of Roman and Stewy plotting how to puppet-master him together. Are they high-fiving now? How does he know that they aren’t planning to oust him after using him to make the deal with Sandy? The whole ousting-Roman thing could have been fake, conceived by Roman himself. He can’t believe he let them back in like it was nothing and gets angry at himself for always doing that. This is why he gets stepped on, he thinks, it’s why Rava knew he’d stick around for three years. Everyone takes advantage. Roman voted against him, Stewy’s only supporting him for the potential payout, Rava knew he’d come back whenever she wanted. Even Dad is probably just waiting for him to come crawling back. It makes him want to throw something at the wall. He just wants to stop feeling like this and he looks around for something, anything, to get him out of his head.

But the minute he comes back to his senses, he wishes he hadn’t.

The drinks are everywhere. Lines on the table, smoke in the air, pills in every palm. He can’t look in any direction without seeing something he would have grabbed and ingested just a few years ago. Emotional crisis or not, he needs to hear her voice, needs her to tell him what he knows he should do.

Rava picks up on the first ring. She stayed awake just in case. She always has.

“Hey. You okay? How’s everything?” She’s trying not to sound stressed. She hates the loud music in the background. It reminds of her of past phone calls she’d rather not remember.

“Hey. Everything’s fine, I just, uh, this probably isn’t the best place for me.”

She puts her book down and sits up taller in bed. She knew the bachelor party was a bad idea.

“Okay. Yeah, Ken, you should walk out of there, okay? Even if no one comes with you.”

“Yeah.”

She’s leaning onto her hand with her eyes closed.

“Okay, are you walking out?”

Tom walks by with a tall blonde carrying drinks. Kendall’s eyes follow the ice cubes.

“Ken.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m walking out.”

She’s desperate to hear the music stop. Her entire life depends on hearing it stop.

“Okay, like, now? You’re leaving now?”

“Uh huh. I’m… yeah. I’m gonna leave. But I don’t know, I should talk to Sandy again maybe. Yeah? I kind of think he and Stewy might be planning-“

He looks at the bar and wonders if they have any non-alcoholic beer. Her heart is pounding.

“No. No, you shouldn’t talk to Sandy again, you can call him tomorrow. Just, you have to just walk out the door and everything will be fine. Are you walking?”

He’s standing.

He’s not answering.

“Hey. You’re actually really scaring me right now, what are you doing?”

He watches Tom laughing at Greg over a powder-covered table.

He wants to clean off the entire thing himself.

“I- nothing, I’m leaving. Yeah.” He turns away from it slowly. He’s so tired of being so tightly wound all the time. Tired of being taken advantage of. He just wants to erase it all.

“I fucking forgot what it looked like to relax,” he says to her. She might have a heart attack imagining what he’s looking at.

“That is not relaxing. That is hell.” She’s thinking of texting Roman to get him out of there and trying to keep her voice even. “Is Roman with you?”

“He’s somewhere… yeah. Following me around. He’s always like that. Can’t come up with anything himself, it’s like we’re fifteen.”

“Can you go to him?” She asks, the tension killing her.

“I don’t know.. yeah. Why, you think my kid brother needs to babysit me?” She doesn’t like the edge in his voice. “He can’t be trusted. This whole thing could be a test.”

“Come on, it’s not me. You called me to tell me you shouldn’t be there. You’re right. Come home. I’m here, the kids are here… Call the driver there and come home.”

He sighs and puts serious effort into focusing on the image of the kids on the couch in the family room and Rava in his sweater in their favorite armchair.

“Yeah. Okay. Yeah.” He tries to remember the coping skills he learned in rehab, but all he feels is a desperate need for every substance around him even as it’s all threatening to destroy his life. He pictures sitting on the floor alone in his old place, sees her tears in his mind, hears her broken voice telling him to go because she can’t do this anymore and neither can the kids. His worst memories combined with his worst fears. He closes his eyes and tries as hard as he possibly can to take steps toward the door. “I’m going.”

He looks at the exit sign and focuses all his energy on taking one step at a time toward it. He sends a text to the local driver as he gets closer. He’s almost starting to feel like he’s going to make it out when Roman runs up behind him.

“Uh- hold on, Roman’s here,” he says to Rava. Her nails are digging into her skin.

“Are you leaving?” Roman asks.

“Yeah. I can’t be here.”

“Good for you.. I mean, yeah, just wanted to make sure you’re all, like, good and shit.”

He pats his little brother on the back. At least he can tell this is real.

“Yeah. I’m good.”

“Okay, good, so… we’ll talk more about this deal, right? Because I kind of think Sandy might be forgetting about me-”

“Yeah.” Kendall turns to go. He just has to get out of here, he’ll deal with Roman later.

“Hey, who are you talking to?” Roman asks suspiciously.

“Rava.”

“Are you really talking to Rava, or are you maybe talking to Nick the candy man?”

“You want to talk to her?” Kendall glares at him and hands the phone over. He’s not in the mood to argue and just wants to leave. Roman feels bad but he takes the phone anyway.

“Rava?”

“Yes. Hi. Can you make sure he actually walks out the door?”

Roman tries to turn away from Kendall but he hears his reply anyway.

“Yeah, I will. Just wanted to make sure it was actually-“

“I know. I appreciate it.”

“Okay. I’m gonna give you back to that idiot you married. I still think you’re too good for him, by the way.”

Kendall grabs the phone out of his hand.

“Fuck off. I’m leaving.”

“Bye, asshole. Call me,” Roman says.

Kendall rolls his eyes as Roman turns to walk back into the party.

“Okay,” he says back into the phone. “I’m going.” He finally walks through the door and the frantic rhythm of the music finally fades along with the thumping of her heart.

“Oh, my god,” she whispers with a sigh. "Wow, I really want to see you right now,” she says softly.

“Me too.”

"I wish you were home. I’m already in bed… you must be so tired.”

He glances at his watch. 2:25 AM.

“Yeah, I’m kind of.. dying, actually. Wish I was already getting in bed with you.”

She wraps her arms around her pillow.

“Me too.”

He leans against the car door in exhaustion.

"I'll be there soon.”

“How many hours?” She asks. He smiles.

“One. I love you.”

“I love you so much.” She’s relieved and missing him like crazy. “I’ll see you soon.”

The call ends and she scoots down to tuck herself into bed. It seems too big and empty tonight. She closes her eyes and counts the minutes til she can fall asleep to the sound of him breathing next to her.

An hour later, she’s sleeping but restless. Even after all that time apart, she still finds that she doesn’t really get any good sleep when he isn’t there. The sound of the elevator door opening wakes her and she’s never been so pleased to hear it. She listens to his footsteps across the marble floor. He opens the door just a crack and slips into the dark room, looking at the bed to try to see if he woke her up and whether she’s actually going to be happy to see him.

“Hey,” she whispers. The relief at actually having him in the room after that phone call is coming in waves. “I’m so glad you’re home. Come here.” She wants him to feel good about calling for support. He should know there are no punishments for that.

He wonders if he smells like booze and smoke from the party as he shrugs his jacket off and pulls off his new sneakers and jeans, walking over to kiss her. She reaches up and tugs him down toward her.

“You, uh, don’t think I should wash the party off me first?”

“No, I don’t care,” she says softly as he leans over her. “Come here, I need you to be here.”

He feels the weight lifted off his shoulders as he lets her pull him into her arms and under the covers.

She cuddles up to him as she breathes him in and smiles.

“You smell like college,” she says. He chuckles as she pulls off his t-shirt and he pulls the blanket up.

“I told you,” he whispers.

The scent brings a memory right back.

“It smells like the time you left that huge party after your finals and you came over late at night because I was so stressed about my tests the next day. You gave me a massage and told me everything would be okay even though you had just been at Sig Chi’s end-of-the-year party.”

He blinks.

“You remember that?”

“Mmhmm, you came over just to be there.” She runs her fingers through his hair.

“Kind of thought I was the only one who thinks about that stuff,” he says. “It was such a long time ago.” She shakes her head.

“Not so long.” She revels in how warm he feels and how grateful she is that he’s okay after tonight. Her voice comes out just above a whisper. “You’re still the same, you know. You’ve always been so good.”

He’s almost overwhelmed. He’s so glad he came home. He smiles and looks down for a second.

“Those are some really nice words to say to a guy who just left a pretty disgusting bachelor party.”

“Yeah. You left,” she smiles, looking up at him in the dark. He gazes back at her.

“I had a pretty amazing reason to get home.”

She gives him a little kiss. She missed his romantic moments and wants him to say more cute things.

“I did leave,” he says, more to himself than to her, and she can’t remember the last time she saw him look this genuinely proud of himself. “I hope- I didn’t mean to scare you tonight.”

“No, you didn’t… I mean, a little, but I always want you to call.” She kisses him again and he keeps it going as he tries to think of anything to say that expresses how he feels hearing that even after all they’ve been through. There’s a moment of quiet.

“So,” she starts apprehensively. She takes a breath. “Look, after all of this,  I just don’t know that you should go back into Waystar.”

“What? I have to.” The answer is immediate.

“Do you?"

“What do you- I mean, this is what I’m doing. It’s- it’s CEO. This is what I’ve been waiting for.” He looks almost confused at her lack of reaction. “And… look, tonight was hard. I don’t have to tell you because you know, but like- If I don’t have this, I just-“ There’s a pause full of history and dread. “I need it.”

“Well, I do get that. I do. I know.” She wishes she could make it easy for him, that he didn’t have to struggle so hard just to stay afloat and be himself.

She knows she’s right about one thing. Waystar might be the thing to keep him on the right path, but Logan isn’t.

“Well, if you do this, really- you have to take out your dad. We both want you to stay in this good place.” He nods, but he’s getting tired of feeling like a project. “And Logan has proven he isn’t going to help with that. So, if you do this…” She takes another breath. “I can only get behind it if you honestly think this is going to work and he’s going to be out. Is this going to work?”

“Yeah. He’s going out. We’re winning this. It’s my time.” He tries to get though to her so she’ll feel the excitement he’s been feeling all week at the prospect of getting it all back somehow. He’s trying not to let it drop just because he feels like Sandy and Stewy are using him. “I mean, come on, this is- this is the plan. I-” He pauses and realizes she really might not be behind his life plan at all. “I want this.”

He tries to stay levitated and lifts his head, looking at her expectantly. She takes too long to exhale.

“Yeah. Okay. Good. If it’s going to work, then good. Sure,” she says. He looks so disappointed and breaks eye contact as he blinks down and lays his head back down slowly. It makes her sad to feel his positive energy dissolve. She’d almost forgotten how sensitive he is when he tells her about a big idea and she worries about the assumptions he’s probably making.

“Hey, I do believe in you.” She waits for him to look back at her but he keeps his eyes down. She tilts her head to look at him more closely and playfully jostles him. “Come back. I only want what’s going to make you happy.”

“Well, I’m doing this- this is the plan,” he tells her half-heartedly. He tries to focus on imagining everyone’s impressed faces when he’s killing it. “You, Stewy, Sandy, Roman, you’ll see when it works.”

“Ouch. I am not grouped with them!” She says as lightly as she can. He shrugs.

“I mean-“ he gestures at her. She used to joke about them being Waystar royalty someday. He remembers the time she put a paper crown on his head in his home office and called him “your highness” all afternoon. He’d laughed and shaken his head, but he hadn’t taken it off. He wants that back. He mentally adds getting her faith back to his to-do list.

“No- I know you can do this,” she assures him. “I do. As long as you can- handle it all, and it’s really what you want.”

“I can. And it is.” She takes it in for a second and silently sighs.

“Okay. Then I’m with you.”

He looks at her and she nods, holding his gaze for a moment so he’ll know she means it. And so she can look a little longer.

She brushes her hand over the stubble on his cheek and he feels a bit better.

“You know, this is sexy,” she says as she moves him down so she can feel it brushing her neck. He smiles a little into her skin.

“Yeah? You like the unemployed look?”

She laughs.

“Never working, that’s always been your problem.”

“Uh huh.”

“Hey, you know what you can do when you don’t have to go to work?”

He thinks.

“Honestly, no. What?”

“Spend the whole… day… in bed.”

“Mmm,” she feels him smile again and he pulls her closer against him.

“The kids have playdates tomorrow, and you might be glad to know I found that green thing, so…”

He pulls back just to look at her and she sees his eyes flash in the dark.

“Seriously?”

He’s so easy to rile up.

“Yeah. I’m not as boring as you think.” He chuckles.

“You could never be boring. It’s actually good you don’t wear stuff like that around the house or I’d never go to work. Or- uh, out. But to be clear, you’re definitely wearing it tomorrow, right?”

She gives him a flirty smile.

“Yes.” She puts her forehead on his and sees the little spark coming back into his eyes.

He moves back down to his usual sleeping spot and kisses her shoulder. She’s so glad he’s coming back to being himself this week. The energy has returned. He has a mission. She hopes he knows he has support.

“I missed you. I’m glad you’re back,” she says as she hugs him.

“Me too.”

Chapter 10 💗

#Enjoy 1x08 Prague but mostly fixed #THANK YOU to everyone reading this for your patience <3 #sending sooo much love to you ❤️ #also this took forever because Living+ inspired me and I had to add a bunch #kendall roy #rava roy #how deep my love goes #kendall x rava #kenrava #kenrava fic #kendall roy fic #succession #succession fic #succession writing

[silentknives]

𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐈 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐑𝐏 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖

I like to be called: i’ve adopted “fizzu” as my mun name, so i’m gonna go with that.  

one thing you should know about me: in periods like these where i have the biggest writer’s block, or creative block in general, i’m 90% still interested in the plots i’ve discussed with writing partners!! just because i’m not actively writing, i still have all the established and developing plots/relationships in mind. i sometimes decide to drop threads, but i’ll always talk to my writing partner about it. doesn’t necessarily mean i’m not interested in the overall plot and character developments anymore. because i still am, i promise. :’)

thing you should know about rping with my character(s): Emily is naturally a loner, so she can be quiet and distant, and when spoken to, says things bluntly. especially when meeting new people. depending if your character is on her good side, she’ll warm up to them pretty quickly. more emotional than i initially wrote her!

joy to work with: ??? like specific people or???? 

first language: english

age range: under 13  |  14–17 | 18–22 | 23–25 | 26–29 | (30+) | 40+ | 70+ am

okay with nsfw?: (yes) | no | some nsfw**

my favorite/most common thing to rp is: ( angst ) |   (  fluff  )   |   (  smut  )   |   (  crack  )   |   (  action  )   |   ( plots )   | ( AUs ) |   (  violence  )   |   (  darker themes  )   |   (  other  )  

this rp blog: does contain ooc posts | doesn’t contain ooc posts | occasionally contains ooc

Tagged by:  @notsoinnocentlittleangel

Tagging: anybody who’d like to participate in this!

** “some nsfw” meaning i’m willing to write some nasty, descriptive sex or violent scenes, but only if our characters have an established relationship, chemistry, or we’ve talked and plotted extensively ooc. 

#( OOC. ) – out of patience ! #italicizing 30+ bc i'm gonna be 30 this year.....i feel it in my bones :^) #anyway thought this would be good to put out while i'm still recovering from this writer's block #i'm suffering y'all - i've got NO inspiration to write at all for the past several months #i'm hoping it'll come back but also i won't force it either #thank you for being patient with me and for understanding!! <3 #i love seeing you all active and bringing the dash to life with your writing

[soyoursoulisgreen]

3, 4, 19, 20!

3. What ideas come from when you were little

I have two OCs that have really stood the test of time: Akane and Kin - though their names have changed over time haha ♪ They were the first ever queer couple I made, long long loooong before I was out even to myself and shock among shocks, they're angels lol ♥ I remember I even wrote a short story about them from like - middle school probably?? as part of an assignment haha. They've been with me for a loooong time, and I'm still very fond of them 💕

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

GLaDOS is so beautiful and I am so bad at drawing machine parts jfdklsasdf. I'm determined to draw her from both games now tho! Her design in Portal 1 is so weird!! <3

19. Favorite inanimate objects to draw (food, nature, etc.)

Plushies, no contest. Drawings the seams and darts and stitches and wear and fluff and fabric vs. fur I just ugh it's all so satisfying! The way the cloth folds over itself or stands firm on its own over well-stuffed filling! I love plushies!! Funny enough, I rarely use them as props tho haha - that's usually things like books, cups, pencils, etc.

20. Something everyone else finds hard to draw but you enjoy

I haven't heard the complaint in earnest in a while, just in a jokey fashion, but I really really enjoy drawing hands :) Hand expressions are so fun to me! They're just as expressive as faces - especially masked characters haha - and they're so versatile! Come in so many shapes, some hard, some rubberhose wiggly, some sharp and Shaped, but they still all emote similarly. Even just slight position changing can change the temperature of how it reads! It's a challenge for sure but it's just so satisfying >:3c

#Woah an original post #Ask #Ask me #Thank you! :D Fun fun!! #I always love talking about my own lads hehe <3 <3 #If I had to guess a year to put to Akane and Kin oh gosh hmm... #Somewhere around 2008/9 if I had to guess?? It's hard to keep track from before I was online haha and I joined kind of late #I've had them for a heck-while! I love them ♥ It's not shown in their tag I linked but I also made some Aarakocran versions of them haha #I still have a lot of the journals and stuff from when I was a kid but none of them have been as long-lasting #I think it's probably because I was very ''inspired'' by what I was reading at that time - which was mostly high school romance lol #Aya and Haruka are almost more like self-parody of that haha - not many characters survived from that time #But Akane and Kin were always in that vague sort of adults sort of teens haze that lets them convert over easily #Their problems weren't related to school or anything so it makes them more versatile :) #I wonder if I still have their short stories anywhere - I also cried while writing one of them lol I've always been the sensitive type haha #Sorry if GLaDOS is the obvious answer lol but it's true! I'm slowly improving but she really is difficult to pin down #Any kind of machinery my brain just blanks out lol. ''It is shaped'' ''How?'' ''Yes'' Pfft #Also rude to imply nature is inanimate! I almost mistakenly said tree but they are animate! They're very alive! #But that's alright - I like drawing trees but I don't very often haha #I really do love drawing plushies tho I lose my mind about them they're so cute <3 Send me pictures of your plushies I will love them /gen #And for hands I mean - I've been enjoying drawing them for so long that it almost feels like the Curse of Knowledge lol #Do people genuinely struggle with hands?? I mean I still do at times - especially closed fists or certain angles #But in general? When they're just hanging out and being silly fruity little appendages? #Or with ASL or the like ♥ They're so fun! My latests have been working with more knuckles than usual haha it feels weird #I never have to worry about same face syndrome with hands! They really feel so intuitively individual haha

[biophonies]

when I drew this comic 3 years ago I had NO idea how far it would reach. I'm happy to finally share a corrected version with proper abbreviations, and even MORE state names of indigenous origin ♥️

however, the goal of this comic was to inspire people to do your OWN research on indigenous history. To question everything we have been taught, and everything that has been pointedly left out. This erasure, this “forgetting”, of history is not just of the past… it is happening now. - Across so-called Canada, the US, and US-occupied islands, native women are victims of murder at 10-12x the rate of non-native people, and are the most likely to go missing without being searched for by the law. - Native reservations have the highest rates of poverty in the US, with over HALF of tribal homes with no access to clean water (with more joining this list by the year) - Native people are 6-10x more likely to be unhoused than the rest of the population, and native teens suffer suicide rates higher than any other demographic. This list of modern day genocide goes on (thank you for compiling @theindigenousanarchist <3) and yet take a look at those environmental stats!

Native people manage to do SO much for the planet as a whole - thanklessly - and with all this stacked against them. Don't even get me started on kin fighting in south america. Could you imagine if there was help? #landback is resistance to genocide, and it is the key to saving our warming earth.

So look into it and the other hashtags, cuz a cartoon goose ain't a substitute for a proper education. Love to my grandparents who always kept a map of tribal territories of turtle island on their wall, to speaking on our Tsalagi & Saponi heritage. Love & solidarity forever, happy research, and happy #indigenouspeoplesday

LANDBACK.ORG

(Also, if you care to support the artist, I'm publishing a book ! and writing another - a fantastical afroindigenous graphic novel - that I post exclusively about with tons of other art on my patreon.)

#mmiw #searchthelandfill #landback #art #comic #illustration #indigenous peoples day #rights #indigenous rights #autonomy #statistics #love #freedom #borders #history #usa #canada #turtle island #mariah-rose marie

[ellecdc]

HIII, I wanted to know if I could request a poly marauders x festy slytherin reader.Something of how they started or whatever you have inspiration for.I would love another part of that, if you feel up to it. Hope you are taking care of yourself <3

feisty/slytherin reader x poly!marauders is actually my favourite thing to write (followed closely by any ship with whimsical reader) so I was more than happy to whip this up for you! Thanks for requesting! 🫶

poly!marauders x feisty, fem, Slytherin!reader

CW: werewolf prejudice, making fun of possible birth defects due to Pureblood's being terribly inbred, swearing

Remus felt that generally, he was a very understanding person. And not just in a compassionate way, but also in a sense that he just understands a lot of things.

He understands Sirius’ need to defy his family whilst simultaneously looking after his brother as if his life depended on it.

He understands James’ need to make sure everyone around him feels as loved as humanly possible, even if it’s at his own expense. 

He understands that Gryffindor’s hate Slytherin’s, but he also understands that not all Slytherin’s are horrible, prejudiced racists.

He understands everyone makes fun of Hufflepuffs for being soft and emotional, but he also understands that Hufflepuffs can be some of the most heartless, ruthless friends you can have.

What Remus has had a hard time understanding, however, was his boyfriends’ sudden interest in you.

Remus could admit that you were quite attractive, but you were also sort of…terrifying?

“What have you boys done?” Lily murmured in quiet horror (quiet awe if you asked James).

“We pranked Slytherin!” Sirius said jovially, as if Lily had somehow missed that key piece of information. 

“I can see that, Sirius.” She said like one might speak to a small child who was quite dumb. “But on portrait day?”

Sirius smiled smugly as he watched Slytherin’s enter the Great Hall for their school portraits. As they passed through the door, they were unknowingly walking under a charmed mistletoe (which was very difficult to find this time of year, thanks James very much) which turned their green and silver robes and ties to a beautiful red and gold. 

The best part is some students still hadn’t noticed yet, and another amazing part was that those who had noticed couldn’t figure out how to turn it back.

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, Mr. Pettigrew, and Mr. Lupin. I suppose the four of you have no idea who may be behind this prank?” Professor McGonagall challenged as she looked down her nose at them sitting at the Gryffindor table.

Sirius smirked as he responded “Why, not a clue Minnie. But I’ll keep my eye out and let you know if I see any mischief makers.”

McGonagall let out a long suffering sigh as she took five points from Gryffindor for improper address of a professor. 

“You rotten dugbogs.” Remus heard you screech before he saw you. He had the good sense to cringe as you stormed up to their table whilst Sirius and James grinned enthusiastically. 

“Why hello Y/N, my beautiful angel.” James greeted as Sirius let out a sultry “Don’t you just look smashing in red.” Accompanied by a wink.

“I don’t know what you sods have done, and quite frankly, I don’t care about the rest of them; but you will fix this.” You spat angrily gesturing to your faux Gryffindor uniform.

“But that would be such a crime, dollface.” Sirius lamented.

“You can’t expect us to mess with perfection.” James added.

You shot your hand out and grabbed James’ collar, pulling his face to yours until your noses were nearly touching. 

“I swear to Salazar himself, Potter, if you do not change my robes back, I will cut your dick off and charm it to your forehead so you walk around looking like a limp-dick unicorn. Change. It. Back.”

Your voice was low and threatening, and Peter actually gulped as he hid behind Remus. But looking at James’ face pressed up to yours, you would have thought you had just serenaded him with the greatest love song known to man.

“You have such beautiful eyes.” He murmured in awe. Remus was certain he could see steam forming behind said beautiful eyes, but before it could shoot out of your ears, Sirius came to your rescue.

“Very right, Prongs. She does have beautiful eyes. Unfortunately, I believe her usual green does compliment them better than the red.” Sirius said lasciviously as he cast the counter charm to return your robes to their rightful colour.

You looked down at your form before looking back at the boys skeptically. You seemed only then to realize you were still holding onto James’ collar like a vice and dropped it. Remus almost chuckled at the look of loss that crossed James’ face.

“Right.” You said and cleared your throat, backing away from them as if you weren't fully trusting what just happened. “Thank you.”

Sirius’ head actually reared back in surprise at your thanks and James beamed.

“Anytime angel, truly.” 

James’ pet name seemed to snap you out of whatever trance you’d been in as you narrowed your eyes at him. “Don’t call me that.”

“Terribly sorry, my love.” He relented.

You groaned in exasperation and carried on towards the Slytherin table.

“Isn’t she lovely?” James whispered in awe, eyes still glued to your form as you bodily shoved Evan Rosier out of what Remus could only assume you had dubbed as your seat at the Slytherin table and sat down. 

“Try bloody terrifying.” Peter shivered in horror as he finally extricated himself from behind Remus. 

“Oi! Don’t talk about our future missus that way, Wormy.” Sirius squawked and swatted at the poor sod with his copy of the Daily Prophet.

“Is he wrong, though?” Remus asked as he let out his own breath of relief.

“Don ‘t worry moons,” James murmured into Remus’ cheek as he pressed his nose into the werewolf’s hair line. “She’ll win you over soon.”

Remus wasn’t so sure.

You were the only Slytherin photographed in proper uniform that day. 

A few weeks later found Remus sitting horrifyingly uncomfortable in Defense Against the Dark Arts as they moved on to the unit featuring Werewolves.

James sat on his right, and though the shaking of his knee under the table gave away his nerves, he spent the entire class rubbing soothing circles along the back of Remus’ hand with his thumb.

Sirius, sitting on Remus’ left, was incredibly stiff and clearly poised to fight if given the chance which did nothing to ease Remus’ discomfort. It also didn’t help that they shared this period with the 6th and 7th year Slytherin’s.

He just wanted this day to be over.

“Why are we even talking about this?” Mulciber sneered, interrupting the professor as they discussed elements of the Wolfsbane potion. 

“What is your question, Mr. Mulciber?” The professor drawled out in a bored tone.

“Why bother discussing werewolves? The lot of them should be culled anyway; euthanize them on site for all I care.” He spat, earning snickers from Avery, Goyle, and Snape. 

Sirius sucked in a breath in preparation of a verbal (and possibly physical, should he be so lucky) spar when Remus dug his nails into Sirius’ thigh. “Please, Pads.” He begged quietly; voice taught with emotions.

Sirius let out a pained sigh and leaned back further into his chair.

“Funny, Mulciber.” A bored tone commented, “I was just thinking the same about you and your lot.”

Remus, James, and Sirius all turned to see the majority of the eyes in the room already on you, though you never bothered lifting your head from your textbook.

“Care to repeat that, L/N?” Mulciber sneered, sitting up in his chair as if ready to lunge at you if necessary.

You lifted your bored gaze from your book and stared at him head on. “Do I need to repeat myself, Mulciber? Mummy and daddy kept it too close in the family tree, huh?” You murmured in faux sympathy. “I was just thinking, most of the Sacred Twenty-Eight ought to be culled. That would save the wizarding world a whole lot of trouble.”

“How dare you compare me to some filthy half-breed. My family is royalty compared to those disgusting creatures.” Avery shouted.

“The only one acting like a disgusting creature here is the likes of you tossers.” You shouted back.

“Alright.” The professor tried (not very hard, albeit) to quell the quickly spiralling discussion.

“I could hardly look at myself in a mirror if I’d been tainted with a curse like lycanthropy.” Snape sneered, pointedly facing the Marauders across the room. Sirius burned with shame and protectiveness, being the reason Snape knew Remus’ secret and the overwhelming need to defend his lover. Remus took that moment to dig his nails into Sirius' thigh again, pinning him to his seat.

“Are you sure, Snape? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather live a life with lycanthropy than have to look at that mug of yours in the mirror every day.” You drawled.

“You insolent little bitch.”

“Hey!” James finally shouted from across the room, far more stern than Remus can ever remember seeing the boy. But you carried on, completely undeterred. 

“I’d bet ten thousand galleons that not one werewolf ever asked to be a werewolf, yet you wake up each and every morning actively choosing to be the ugliest, most hateful, vile, disgusting beasts known to mankind. That is what is despicable. That is what should be euthanized on site.” Your voice grew louder and louder with each word until you were standing behind your desk and punctuating each word with a slam of your fist against the table in front of you. 

“Alright, that’s enough.” The professor finally called; tone booming across the lecture hall intoning no nonsense. 

“Mr. Mulciber, Mr. Snape, and Miss. L/N. Detention with me this evening.”

The Slytherin boys all scoffed and cursed under their breath whilst you offered a bored shrug of your shoulders, returning to your textbook as though this was just a run of the mill day for you.

The boys had been absolutely right; you just won over the affections of one Remus John Lupin.  

#ask elle #marauders au #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #reader insert #self insert #sirius black #james potter #remus lupin #poly!marauders x reader #poly!marauders x you #poly marauders x you #poly marauders x reader #poly marauders #poly!marauders #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #james potter x reader #james potter x you #slytherin!reader #ellecdc fics

[messyoungie]

SELF CARE DAY FOR LOW ENERGY DAYS

it’s important to have different routines ready to match your mood and energy level. which is why I believe preparing for self care days for when you’re just not feeling your best is essential and a great way to look out for yourself. here’s my guide to self care days for low energy.

✧ 𝐌𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓

despite your low energy, it’s important you still get your daily movement. however, exercise doesn’t always have to be intense.

try doing one of these

— 2 minutes of touching/trying to touch your toes

— 5-7 minutes of full body stretching

— 10 minutes of yoga

or maybe just stretch your neck, roll your shoulders, and take a few deep breaths. whatever you’re ready to do :)

links to short low energy workouts:

5 minute morning yoga

11 minute stress relief yoga

10 minute lazy girl workout

8 minute good morning pilates

✧𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃

do something for your mind. journal, get your thoughts out, meditate, read five pages of an inspiring book. do something that you will love and that your mind will thank you for. whether it’s sitting in silence for a few minutes or playing a game that’ll challenge your brain.

journaling prompts <3

++ what’s been draining your energy recently?

++ what’s been giving you positive energy recently?

++ what’s your focus been on lately?

++ what are three things you’re happy are in your life?

++ how is my environment impacting my energy?

if your energy is low I really recommend writing about it. what’s making you tired? reflect on it and go easy on yourself.

✧𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐎 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓

the last thing you want to do is give your mind the responsibility of remembering your tasks. i don’t care how little you have on your schedule, write a to do list. on a low energy day, it’s important we’re easy on ourselves. getting everything out of our head and onto a piece of paper will not only make tasks seem more manageable but will also make our minds feel a bit lighter.

write everything. I mean it. even the small and seemingly insignificant tasks. even the parts of your routine that you do everyday anyways, write it all down.

✧𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒

even though we’re a little bit down, that doesn’t mean we can cheat on the promises and boundaries we made with ourselves.

a low energy day doesn’t mean you can jump right back into your old habits. you’ll only feel worse if you do. it can be comforting to spend the whole day in bed, liking relatable TikToks and having a 7 hour screen time. but that’s not real rest. do something that’ll nourish you while also making you feel relaxed and comfortable. whether that’s watching an episode of your comfort show, rereading a chapter of your favorite book, or listening to your all time favorite songs while you just relax.

low energy is not a reason to practice unhealthy bad habits.

✧𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘

how do we enjoy a low energy self care day besides the usual rest and relaxation? by doing some activities!!

things you can do on a low energy self care day:

++paint

++do your own nails

++movie marathon of your fave genre

++install and try out different cute & cozy games on your device

++bubble bath

++make a Pinterest board or Moodboard that will inspire you to be the best version of yourself

thank you for reading, take care!! ♡

— messyoungie

#self care day #self care #skin care #healing girl era #it girl #pink #pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #self improvement #that girl #the wizard liz #wonyoung motivation #wonyoungism #jennie kim #becoming her #becoming that girl #green juice girl #dream girl life #glow up #dream girl tips #it girl tips #it girl moodboard #it girl lifestyle #dream girl #it girl energy #confidence #self love #thewizardliz #high maintenance #pink princess

[astraystayyh]

The snow falls, we fall apart.

summary: when heartbreak looms on your life, and winter becomes a time you loathe, hyunjin helps you rewrite your memories with the season, and with it, everything you once believed about love.

genre: producer student!hyunjin x reader. roommates!au. friends to lovers. acute descriptions of heartbreak and general sadness. slow burn. hurt/comfort. healing and hopeless romantic hyune. very inspired by long for you so lots of pining and yearning. (wc: 13k)

warnings: mentions of alcohol. it is implied that reader was in an a very toxic relationship but no details are shared.

a.n: happy birthday to my hyunjin, my muse, my light. thank you for being so full of love that it made me love love again in return. this is i think my most personal piece, and i hope it reminds those who need it that love should be soft and kind, that it shouldn’t hurt, that it should heal not break. i love you guys and i love you my xi, writing this collab with you has been a true honor <3 also!! please listen to long for you while reading :,)

winter falls masterlist.

You’ve only ever felt utter despair twice in your life.

First, when you were seven years old, playing hide and seek with your cousins at your grandma’s house. It was a warm summer afternoon, the air sweetened by pastries you devoured hours ago. You decided to hide in a wooden cabinet up in the attic, only to end up stuck there. The walls felt like they were closing in on you, the oxygen seeping away from the cracks underneath the door, leaving you deprived of air, of life.

Second, at twelve, when you've come to discover sorrow's new facet, clad in grief's heavy cloak. Your parents adopted a hamster for your birthday, but they did not know he had a terminal disease. You were distraught, to say the least, when you awoke to its still form, death claiming a frail heart unaware of its imminent fate.

And now, third, many many moons later, you are knocking on Hyunjin’s door a few minutes after midnight. It is cold out, tears tracing rivulets on your cheeks, your fingers tinted pink from roaming outside in the harsh winds, your heart much heavier than when you were a child. More grief-stricken, at your own hands, this time.

A disheveled Hyunjin opens the door, his blonde ash hair tousled and sticking upwards, a clear indication of the many times he had run his hands through it in fits of frustration. His gray hoodie zipped up hastily, revealing the silver cross necklace he was wearing, nestling perfectly against his honeyed skin.

You've always had an aversion to seeking comfort, saw it as revealing your deepest vulnerabilities to a world that isn't always kind. It was easier, much simpler to do so when you were a clueless child— when you sank in your cousin Lia's hold as she attempted to steady your breathing, when your mother cradled you in her lap after Pinky died.

It is much harder now, much more embarrassing because Hyunjin has never seen you this sad, never glimpsed your shadows that now swarm his doorstep, unannounced.

“What's wrong?” he quickly asks, eyes darting over your figure in a rapid search for visible wounds. He wouldn’t find any. All your injuries stem from within— blood doesn’t have to be spilled for your heart to weep.

You had rehearsed a lie as you walked up to his doorstep. You would say that your car broke down near his place and ask if you could stay over for the night. He would insist he could drive you to your place and you’d refuse, saying that it was too late and you did not wish to bother him. You’d sleep on the couch and slip away in the early hours of the morning.

Yet, it is the genuine worry etched in his eyes that dismantles the fortress you've hidden in, melts the lie in your throat, morphing it into a steel lump coiling in your throat. He looks concerned when all you’ve had directed towards you recently was anger. And you missed someone looking at you in care, not reproach.

“I didn’t know where else to go.” You admit, your voice shattered, fragments of your vocal cords scattered out in the wind like a broken mosaic, the sound of it scraping against your ears.

Blow one hurt. It felt like your body turned against you as it deprived you of oxygen. The sobs that escaped you once you perceived the light pained you, perhaps more than being confined in the darkness.

Blow two was even worse, it was your first time experiencing grief. It was too hard of a concept for your innocent heart to grasp, too complicated for you to find solace in anything as adults do.

You promised yourself that you’d reserve blow three for monumental agonies— big pains and big sorrows only. That’s how you managed to keep all your tears at bay for most of your life. Would they be worth losing your third sob for? No, you've always found the answer to be.

And in all the twisted scenarios you’ve conjured up in your mind, deaths and illnesses and the haunting tale of failure, you did not imagine that it would happen on Hwang Hyunjin’s doorstep. That you’d burst into sobs at the compassionate look in his gaze, and the sad smile he sent your way. As if he knew, as everyone did around you. That you had handed a knife to a serial killer and it was only a matter of time before he stabbed you in the heart.

Two weeks ago.

“I’m trying to understand you but you aren’t helping me,” Seungmin is frustrated as he paces relentlessly before you from left to right like a swinging pendulum. You sit on the couch, beholding only his shoes, avoiding his gaze that would reflect the truth you dare not confront.

“He’s sucking the life out of you, can’t you see that?”

You can, out of everyone that surrounds you, you can see it the most. You feel as if you are carrying a skin that isn’t your own, weighed down by a relationship that has taken everything from you. But admitting it is admitting that you were wrong, in trusting him, in loving him. You couldn’t bear it.

“We are fine!” you shout back, the defiance in your voice surprises even you. This is a familiar script with Seungmin, a recurring conversation spurred by your puffy eyes and diminishing appetite. He tells you, begs you to leave, but where could you go? How could you leave a home where you've shed all your treasured belongings at the door— your skin, your bones, your very self.

What place would welcome you now that you're stripped bare of your soul?

“When was the last time he made you smile, huh? All he does is hurt you, and you...” he chuckles incredulously, running his hand through his hair. “You are letting him.”

Deny, deny, deny.

“This isn’t true. He loves me,” the words taste foreign in your mouth like rusty metal dragging across your lips. A small voice whispers that love shouldn't feel like this, but you quiet it down.

“Are you hearing yourself? Yn, I…” he kneels before you, his hands resting comfortingly on your knees. This is Seungmin, your best friend of five years. You know he has your best interests at heart, you are even more sure of it when his voice softens, shakes slightly when he utters your name. “Yn, please. I’m trying to help you. Please.”

“I didn’t ask for your help,” you push away his hands, standing up. “I don’t want your help, and I don’t need it.”

You quickly leave Seungmin’s dorm, your heart heavier than when you entered it, foolishly hoping that he'd ignore your distressed state after yet another fight with your boyfriend. But Seungmin doesn't understand, no one around you does— you’ve gambled your heart, and you cannot stop drawing the cards, even in the face of losing strikes.

❁ ❁ ❁

Hyunjin offers you a cup of tea with a gentle smile and you grab the steaming drink from his hands. The smell of chamomile wraps around your senses, and your brain fizzles out for a second before the soothing aroma. But it is a fleeting respite, the tempest of your thoughts crashes back onto you with an unsettling force, causing you to almost drop the drink as your hands shake. You place it down the table without taking a sip.

“I’m sorry for coming unannounced,” you apologize, wincing at the intrusion, “I hope I didn’t wake you up.”

“I always sleep late. Don’t worry about it,” he smiles, but you know it isn’t a genuine grin, because his eyes betray an unsubdued concern, refusing to morph into their usual moon crescents.

You’ve always thought that Hyunjin wears his emotions openly— when he laughed, he did so loudly, his boisterous giggles traveling around Seungmin’s dorm. When he hurt himself, everyone in the vicinity would know so from his loud yelps. And when something worried him, he would bite his lip, toying with the plush flesh to ease his nerves.

As he is doing now. Looking at you.

“We broke up,” you quickly say, and your words hang over you like a gloomy cloud. “But I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Do you want me to fight him? I’ll bring changbin too,” he suggests a serious tone underlying his playful offer, and it manages to tear a reluctant giggle out of you.

“Changbin doesn’t know me well enough to fight for me,” you counteract and he shakes his head. “He’ll fight for me, I'm his princess.”

“Are you now?” The giggle escapes your mouth less forcefully, and the smile that graces Hyunjin’s face is a genuine one.

“I am. My proposal stands,” he extends his hand and you wrap your fingers around his palm. “Thank you, I’ll keep it in mind,” you smile but he frowns, flipping your hand around in his hold.

“You are freezing,” he whispers, using his other palm to rub warmth into yours.

“It’s fine,” you lie, slipping your hand out of his grasp, not feeling deserving of his kindness.

Wordlessly, Hyunjin stands, walking into what you assume is his bedroom. You only know of his place because you dropped off Seungmin here some time ago. You are too exhausted to even drink in the interior.

“Here,” he returns, handing you a navy hoodie of his and black joggers. “This will keep you warm at night.”

“Thank you,” you whisper, hesitating for a few seconds before speaking again. “Can you please not tell Seungmin, I... I can't face him right now.”

“Of course. I’ll be awake still if you do need something.”

Hyunjin’s clothing is warm, although peeling away your own garments felt like shedding layers of your skin, as if the fabric melted into your very flesh, just like memories from the day did. You have never felt this worthless before, discarded like a forgotten leaf on the roadside, one he stepped on for his own enjoyment, leaving you crushed in his wake, unable to fly away again.

Hyunjin’s rose perfume wraps around you, and you find relief in sleeping somewhere where your, his, scent was no longer around. You foolishly hope that if you close your eyes hard enough, you’ll manage to convince yourself that you’re someone else, tonight. Someone who isn’t tethered to the heartache, someone who can slip away from the clutches of a love that hurts more than hate could ever manage to do.

❁ ❁ ❁

Heartbreak isn’t beautiful, no matter how eloquently you try to dress it in the syllables of poetry, no words can soften the burn in your lungs, the searing ache that courses through your very core, reminding you that deep within, down to the fundamentals of your being and the most basic alchemy that ties your atoms together— you are unlovable. Whether you cut your hair or allow it to grow, change your heart, or leave it as it has always been, you will remain so.

You don’t remember much of the past week, blurry fragments here and there that float in your mind like a distorted water reflection. There is little room for memories when you are busy trying to remember how to breathe— one inhale in, one exhale out. The simple concept seems harder when there are unkind hands permanently lodged into your heart, squeezing it tight.

What you do remember is telling Seungmin through text the next day, because you couldn’t bear the way his eyes would soften if you spoke to him in person. No signs of surprise cast on his figure, because he knew that it was long coming, a train with one final inevitable destination— you in shambles, him okay.

You remember Seungmin cradling you in his arms when he came to see you, and you trying desperately to keep the tears at bay— too focused on pinching your arm to let Seungmin’s warmth radiate through your being, Hyunjin lingering uncomfortably by the entrance of his living room.

You remember begging Seungmin to grab your belongings from the apartment you shared with your ex because you were unable to face him, him, and everything that your old place spelled out for you. Stand in the ruins of what you once thought would be your permanent home.

And now, you watch as Seungmin and Hyunjin bring suitcases full of your stuff into the latter’s place. And you feel like an outsider in your own body, standing at the corner of the room gazing at utter destruction, unable to stop it, unable to mend it. Seungmin quickly reassures you that you could crash in his and Minho’s place until you find a new one to live in, already taking out his laptop to search for new apartments for you.

But you did not care for it, your eyes zeroed in on the satin shirt peeking out of your suitcase. The one he bought you on your first month anniversary. Back when love felt like a gentle feather running down your spine, and not a dull knife slicing away at your skin.

“This place's expensive too,” Seungmin sighs, rubbing his temple warily. Your logical best friend could not fix your heartbreak but he took it to heart to alleviate your other troubles. You would thank him for it, later, when your tongue finds enough will to move.

“What if you move in with me?” Hyunjin suddenly says and his words filtrate through the fog in your mind easily, as if he rehearsed them enough times so they’d roll out smoothly out of his mouth. “I mean, Felix is away for the next year since he went back to Australia. And I was looking for a new roommate anyway.” He shrugs and Seungmin turns to look at you, his eyes convey the question his mouth doesn’t articulate— is it okay with you?

“I don’t…” your voice is croaked, so you clear your throat. “I don’t want you to do things out of pity.”

“I’m not. If I was, I would've told you to move in with me for free. I still need you to pay rent,” he raises his eyebrows, a playful tease and you smile in relief, nodding, “Okay, I will. thank you.”

Heartbreak is ugly and all-encompassing, weaving through the roots of your heart and infecting each organ with its insidious touch. It renders you immobile, incapable of performing the simplest tasks, burdened by a weight unseen by the world. But you try your best, your very best to contain it.

You smile at the cashier as she hands back your money only to wonder if her soft, well-manicured hands would too crush a soul without remorse. You go to all your classes without fail but your mind is elsewhere, contemplating why the sun filtering through the windows no longer warms your skin. Can nerve endings perish when subjected to too much pain? What's left of life when you can no longer feel the caress of the sun?

You watch a movie at Seungmin's dorm but your mind is elsewhere, fleeting to this morning and how you refused to stay in the shower for more than three minutes because your thoughts might become haunting ghosts tempting you to follow them. You brush your hair and spray your perfume, only because you have to, because you live with Hyunjin and you wouldn’t want your sadness to taint him too. You wonder how long you’ll have to bear it. You wonder if it’ll ever leave you or if the veins in your heart have molded themselves after the pain and they wouldn’t know how to accept happiness anymore.

You greet Hyunjin as he walks past you, shaking your head when he asks you if you want to eat dinner with him, quickly retracting back into your room. You have ten unread messages and a pile of growing laundry you need to do, but all you can muster is to gaze at the empty walls, mirroring the void within you. Your mom told you to call her again and you don’t know how you’ll speak to her without bursting into a sob, how you’ll tell her that all it took was one person to break you. Or maybe it was two people, your hands and his tearing apart your flesh and bones. Maybe that’s the worst part about it. So you don’t call her.

And you only ever emerge from your room when you need to, just like now because your water bottle is finished and you need to refill it. You go to open the kitchen door when you hear Hyunjin’s muted shatter, Felix’s distinctive deep voice coming out of the phone speaker.

“Next you add the melted butter and stir it,” Felix instructs, the sounds of pots and utensils clinking in the background. You fidget slightly, mustering the strength to paint a fake smile on your lips.

“What next?”

“Sift the dry ingredients then add them to your wet mixture,” Felix explains, met with a few seconds of silence. You can almost visualize Hyunjin's perplexed expression, blinking rapidly in confusion.

“Explain it to me like I’m five years old,” he requests, prompting a small smile to etch itself onto your face.

“How are you surviving without me?”

“I’m not please come home,” Hyunjin sounds horrified as Felix’s rich chuckles fill the air. “Why do you suddenly want to make brownies anyway?” he then asks.

You go to open the door when Hyunjin’s response catches you off guard.

“They’re for Yn.”

Hyunjin's words resonate in the air, causing a hitch in your throat and Felix’s teasing whistles simultaneously, but Hyunjin is quick to stop him. “No, no, no, it’s not like that. They’re just a bit down and I remember them loving your brownies. So…”

It takes you a fleeting moment to dig the memory out of your mind, a year ago, right before your ex came to pick you up from Seungmin’s dorm. You had a bite of Felix’s brownies, a surprised gasp escaping your lips at its delicious taste, back when food had taste and happiness came easily to you. It was an insignificant memory, you did not imagine Hyunjin, out of everyone, would remember it.

But he did, and he’s now pacing before your closed door, contemplating how he’ll convince you to finally eat something with him. He throws a thumbs-up in the air for no one but himself, inhaling deeply before knocking on your door.

“Hey,” he greets with a hopeful smile, his gaze meeting your tired form. He hesitates for a second, clearing his throat. “Brownies?” You remain unmoving and he falters, “Hm? Please?”

“Sure,” you nod and a wave of relief floods through Hyunjin as you step out of your room. His joy is short-lived when he takes the brownies out of the oven, only to find them thoroughly burnt.

His mouth hangs agape, and he walks back shamefully to the oven, lowering its door only to scream inside of it.

“This will be more therapeutic,” you say, pointing nonchalantly to the fridge and he agrees, opening its doors and yelling once again in the much larger space.

Your melodic laughter fills the kitchen, Hyunjin’s embarrassment is suddenly a forgotten memory.

“I’m craving kimbap. Should we get it instead?” you propose, a touch shyly and he quickly agrees, afraid you’d change your mind and walk back to your room where he can no longer ensure you are okay.

Hyunjin absentmindedly dances along to the music blasting through the convenience store when a girl sidles up to his side, a saccharine grin on her lips as she looks up at him, “hi,” she greets and his tentative smile mirrors hers. “Hey.”

“Are you single?” she asks, her gaze briefly fleeting to the window. “I think you are really cute.”

“I’m…” he glances at you but you're suddenly engrossed in the ingredients of the tuna kimbap you are holding, pretending not to listen. “I am but I’m not interested, thank you.”

“Oh, come on,” she places a hand on his arm and he physically recoils. “Give me your insta and we could talk.”

“No,” he repeats, grabbing her hand to remove it when a loud voice startles him. “Baby, what’s taking you so— What are you doing?” Hyunjin watches in horror as the girl’s eyes grow wide, before she scrambles to the man’s side, feigning fear.

“He kept hitting on me when I said I had a boyfriend, baby.”

“What?” both you and Hyunjin gasped in comical unison. He would find it amusing if not for the escalating anger radiating from the man, who looks like he spends all his days in the gym. Hyunjin suddenly regrets not working out with Changbin.

The man strides towards Hyunjin. “Do you want to die?”

“No? there’s a misunderstanding,” he replies, swiftly standing before you and shielding you with his arm. “Your… baby,” he wiggles his finger in front of the man's face, “she was the one hitting on me!”

The man scoffs loudly, his face growing redder from the anger seething in him. “So you hit on my girlfriend and then accuse her of cheating?” His fist rises threateningly, prompting Hyunjin to step back, accidentally bumping into your chest.

“Wait, wait, wait! Let’s go talk outside, man to man,” Hyunjin pauses, his voice taking on a taunting edge, “unless you're too scared?” he smirks as he feels you pull at his shirt, whispering an incredulous- “What are you doing?” He shakes his head, grabbing your hand and leading you outside, throwing a sly wink at the man behind you now.

“Are you seriously going to fight him?” you ask, your gaze shifting towards the deranged couple who are about to step out of the grocery store. “No, of course not. I'm a lover, not a fighter.”

“You said you'd fight my ex,” you point out and his eyes soften surprisingly.

“You are an exception.” He looks back at the man, who's now walking towards you both. “But anyways, do you know how to run?” he asks and you frown, “who doesn’t know how to—” you pause as realization dawns on you. “No," you whisper furiously.

“Yes.”

“No,” you shake your head, horrified and he nods, eyes apologetic.

“Yes.” His fingers entwine with yours, he squeezes your hand once before he takes off running.

“Hwang fucking Hyunjin!” you shout and he looks back at you, a mischievous smile on his face. “I’m sorry Yn my face is too pretty to be beaten up.”

“He’s following us!” you yell, looking back horrified as the, even angrier, man runs after you.

“Well, run faster!”

“I’m wearing fucking slippers!” you curse and he giggles, tipping his head back, the wind slamming into you both, his hand never letting go of your own.

“Oh my god why is he still running!” you groan and Hyunjin picks up speed, moving you even closer to his sprinting figure

“I know, is it ever that serious?” he yells above his shoulder and you dig your nails into his palm.

“Shut up, this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so gorgeous.”

“So, you think I’m pretty too?” Hyunjin grins proudly and an incredulous laugh escapes your lips.

“Really? Is this what you’re getting out of this situation?”

“Silver linings, Yn, silver linings,” he shouts as you round a small alley, finally stopping to catch your breath. You both fall to the ground, heavy breaths escaping your chests.

“Holy shit, I’m not athletic at all,” he heaves, his eyes meeting yours. He expects to find anger lingering in your gaze but all he can grasp is your amused smile before you collapse into a fit of laughter, clapping loudly and clutching your stomach with your hand.

“Oh my god, I’m crying,” you laugh harder, wiping away at the tears falling from your eyes. Hyunjin’s weariness disappears in the blink of an eye— he did not realize how much he missed your smile until he glimpsed it again. And it is beautiful. Happiness looks beautiful on you.

“Idiot,” you hit his shoulder playfully, and his response is delayed for a few seconds, the warmth from your smile rendering him immobile.

“I’m sorry,” he chuckles, pulling you up. “Here, I’ll carry you home,” he squats slightly before you. “How impolite of me. How dare I make your majesty run.”

You shake your head, amused, before climbing atop his back, his warm palms holding your thighs securely. “Only because the slippers hurt my feet.”

You walk in silence for a while, your arms wound up around Hyunjin’s neck, the ghost of a smile still lingering on both your faces.

“They said it will snow tomorrow,” Hyunjin speaks suddenly and you stay silent for so long he starts to wonder if you even heard him.

“Mm? That’s nice,” your tone is melancholic, and he pauses at the peculiar sadness in it— as though you were trying to act nonchalant about something that has once meant the world to you.

“Don’t you like the snow?” he asks and your hold on his neck falters.

“I loved it. Loved ice skating and building snowmen.” Your voice is light and airy, like Hyunjin’s favorite mint chocolate ice cream. “But now it reminds me of bad times, bad memories.”

“I understand.”

Hyunjin knows what it feels like to relinquish parts of yourself you never wished to part from. For someone to grab your happiest places and to cast a gloomy filter atop them. Sometimes it is the loss of a season that hurts more than the departure of a person.

And Hyunjin loves winter.

He’ll do everything so that you’ll come to love it again too.

❁ ❁ ❁

Is it a nightmare if the person in it is one you once loved, looked forward to beholding with your gaze, hoping they’d never slip out of your reach? You don’t know, but you are growing tired of having the same dreams every night. Of waking up with an exhaustion that goes beyond your restless sleep but pleads from your soul to rest after almost a year of torment.

You sigh wearily, rubbing a hand through your face before walking to the kitchen to retrieve a glass of water. You find Hyunjin there, eating a cupcake while standing shirtless, scrolling through his phone. You blink at the sight.

“Hey,” you clear your throat and he startles, dropping the cupcake on the ground. He goes to pick it up only to bang his head on the table, a loud yelp escaping his lips. You barely contain your giggles as you walk to his side, rubbing your palm soothingly on his head. “I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you.”

“At least pretend you are sorry,” he mumbles, pointing to your amused smile and you chuckle, taking his hand and helping him to his feet.

“What are you doing up now?” he asks as he grabs some napkins to clean up the pink frosting smeared across the floor.

You hesitate for a few seconds before whispering, “Just nightmares. And you?” you quickly add, not keen on pushing the subject any further.

“I'm working on a song,” he explains, as his gaze lingers on your sunken eyes, weighed down by dark circles from too many sleepless nights.

“And the cupcake?”

“Some people need caffeine to function. I need flour.”

“I literally see you drink three americanos per day.”

“Okay well maybe I need both,” he admits sheepishly and you grin, drumming your fingers along the countertop.

“Can I sit with you while you work?” you ask quickly, before the words linger enough in your mouth that you no longer wish to spit them out.

The smile that Hyunjin sends you is kind, pushing the shadows of your nightmares just slightly out of reach.

“Of course, yeah you can. Don’t even need to ask.”

Hyunjin walks first into his bedroom, quickly slipping on a hoodie while you take in the interior. It is a quite simple room— a large bed with gray covers, and a desk filled with what you assume to be his producing equipment sits adjacent. But what catches your attention is the dried rose hung delicately on the wall, and the array of paintings surrounding it. You edge closer to it, drawn to the well-crafted paintings— a sun-drenched beach, a couple lost in an embrace so intimate their forms can no longer be separated, and an elderly pair riding a motorcycle, their love radiating vibrantly as if enclosed in eternal youth.

“You paint?” you ask, turning around to find Hyunjin watching you. He steps closer, enveloping you once more in the fragrance of his rose perfume.

“In my free time.”

“You are amazing, Hyunjin,” you compliment sincerely, your gaze fixed on that imagery of the old couple, one that most likely grew together. It tugs at your heartstrings, stirs a painful longing within you, a memory of a time when you too believed you’d find such boundless love.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, before brushing his fingertips gently against your forearm, for a fleeting second. “Are you okay?” he asks, a tenderness you’ve been aching for latched into his question. Your eyes refuse to peel away from the paintings and the love spilling from each paint brush stroke, a love that refuses to rest on your being as if you were harboring an armor that repels it.

“No,” you reply sincerely, turning to face him. “It’s really hard,” you say with a smile, hoping that the mechanical display of happiness would keep your tears at bay, tricking your brain into believing you're not as sad as you feel.

It fails to do so, and the tears well in your eyes like a gathering storm. Frustration twists your features as you shut your eyes, tilting your head upward in a desperate attempt to contain the flood. It pauses as Hyunjin cradles the back of your head, drawing you close to the warmth of his neck. His palm glides soothingly along your spine, before patting your back ever so gently.

Your back stiffens, hands curling into tight fists, breath catching in your throat. You've grown accustomed to pushing away comfort, putting up tall barriers to shield yourself. But tonight, Hyunjin seems to break through your defenses.

Tonight, you soften, fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, head nestling deeper against his tender skin.

“It wasn’t your fault,” he whispers and another sob wracks through you, but he only holds you tighter. “It’ll get better soon.”

“I loved him,” you hiccup, your voice breaks, “a lot.”

“I know, that’s why it hurts.” His voice is gentle, and yet his hold on you feels secure as if you could stumble and fall, and he would be there to catch you

“I want it to stop hurting.”

“It will, with time.”

Your next words are tinged with a childlike vulnerability, reminiscent of blow one, then two. But you do not care for it, in that instant, you crave the reassurance, you need someone to plant a seed of hope in your soul because your hands are too frail to dig for it.

“Do you promise me?”

His response doesn’t come hastily, carelessly thrown into the air like idle chatters. He takes his time, considering it with the gravity of an oath.

“I promise you.” He finally says, each syllable infused with sincerity. A brief pause hangs in the air before he adds. “And if it doesn’t then you can hit me.”

“On your pretty face?” you ask, a smile tugging at your lips despite yourself.

“On my pretty face,” he confirms with a chuckle.

“What an honor,” you roll your eyes playfully as you lean back and he grins, tenderly wiping away your tears with the back of his fingers.

“I can't believe it took three minutes for you to cry in my room. This isn’t good for my reputation.”

“Good thing this will never leave this bedroom, right?” you point a finger at him threateningly, and he pretends to zip his lips, tossing away the imaginary key. “You got it.”

“So what are you working on?” you ask as you settle on the edge of his bed, knees drawn up to your chest.

“It’s a pretty sad song, wanna hear?” he offers, sitting across from you on his chair.

“Yeah, I'd love to,” you smile, and Hyunjin deftly adjusts a few buttons, before his melancholic whistles weave through the air, coupled with the somber melody of a piano. Your breath catches in your throat, the music reaching into the very depths of your soul. It's as if the notes are calling out for a loved one, for a time that has long passed, for a past that will never come back no matter how much we long for it.

The instrumental continues, each piano note and each violin string echo like a bittersweet lament, springing tears to your eyes. But the melody remains beautiful, akin to the beauty always found in the sadness— in the tears that cascade down your cheeks like glistening crystals, in the tremble of your hands akin to branches swaying in the wind, in the rise and fall of your chest with each breath, mirroring the ebb and flow of the waves.

Hyunjin watches you intently as the music envelops you both, his gaze softening with each passing moment. You bring a hand to your chest, almost unconsciously, too engrossed in the melody to even blink. He feels a blush sprout on his cheeks as your teary eyes hold his with the last fading guitar strings.

“You keep on making me cry,” you whisper, your voice choked with emotion, and he grins, tilting his head shyly against his shoulder.

“You like it?” he asks, a tad eager and you nod, not bothering to wipe the lone tears that are falling down your cheeks.

“I think this is what my loneliness sounds like,” you confess softly.

“As do mine.”

A silent beat runs between you both, it isn’t uncomfortable, but safe. Because you understand him, just as he understands you.

“Sometimes I long for things that have passed," he admits, “although I know I can't get them anymore.”

“The most terrible thing you can long for is yourself.”

“Because no one’s to blame for that loss but you?” he muses and you nod, a sad smile tugging at your lips. “Yeah, exactly.”

You bite your lip, casting a glance back at the paintings adorning the wall. “I don't love him anymore,” you begin quietly. “I stopped a long time ago because there was no room for love anymore to grow amid weeds and thorns.”

He remains silent, sensing that this is a weight you need to unburden yourself from.

“But in the midst of it I think I stopped loving myself too,” you whisper, a confession too terrible to be uttered out loud. “That's what I long for. The things I used to love that I'm indifferent to now.”

“Like you’re a stranger before everything once familiar to you.”

“Yeah, you express it prettily,” you remark with a small smile.

“It's my job,” he grins lightly.

“I think when your heart is pure,” he begins after a while, pausing to carefully choose the words that will soothe your burn, help sleep come more easily to you. “You give love to others more readily than you do to yourself. And it takes time, patience, to redirect that love back to your own heart once again. But it's not a mistake to love, you shouldn’t hate yourself for it. Nor should you blame your past self for loving the wrong person because they did not know what you now do.”

“Think of it as a caterpillar in their cocoon,” he continues gently, “when they finally emerge from their chrysalis, they might long for who they were, where they once were because it is the only place they've ever known. But they do not realize that they've transformed into a beautiful butterfly, that they can now fly, and witness much more than their chrysalis. So maybe, your new self will love the same things as before, or maybe you’ll find new, better things to love that you would have not known before. But in either way, your heart is beautiful. That is what matters, no?”

A small pout draws on your lips, your eyebrows scrunched as you gaze at him.

“You have a very tender soul, Hyunjin.”

Your words linger in Hyunjin's mind long after the sunrise, as you lay peacefully asleep on his bed. The melody of the instrumental he produced continues to play faintly in the background, serving as a gentle lullaby that eases you into slumber, entwined in his sheets, your arms wrapped protectively around yourself, one hand cradling your shoulders and the other resting gently on your stomach. The image sears into his eyes as he sketches the outlines of a figure holding itself absentmindedly, long into the night.

Hyunjin has had his fair share of compliments, mostly pertaining to his face, and others to his craft. but it is you who seems to have sensed that a part of his soul resided in his art, that he left pieces of his heart hidden in the notes he composes and the lyrics he writes, hoping they’ll find soft hands that will take care of them, just like your own.

Five days later.

hyunjin [11:34 p.m.]: are you home?

yn [11:34 p.m.]: yeahh, do you need anything?

hyunjin [11:35 p.m.]: come downstairs, im waiting for youu

if you say no i’ll freeze to death..

hurry i can’t feel my fingers anymore (please please) ㅠㅠㅠ

“This better be a life and death situation Hwang Hyunjin,” you say threateningly as soon as you appear before Hyunjin, causing him to straighten up from the wall he was leaning against.

“It is a very dangerous life-altering situation that requires your immediate assistance, indeed,” he responds solemnly, ushering you gently to his car and opening the door for you.

“Which is?” you ask as soon as he settles inside the car and he simply grins at you, his left dimple coming forth like the very sun on a gloomy day.

“You’ll see.”

Hyunjin’s eyes fleet to your figure every now and then, but you do not seem to notice, your gaze lost into the blurring lights ahead. He can tell you're still not entirely yourself, so he was prepared to forcibly drag you along with him. He’s almost surprised you accepted to come down so easily.

“Is that… Seungmin?” you speak suddenly, pointing to a man waving in the distance, as Hyunjin parks his car near an empty field.

“And Changbin? And Minho?” you continue, squinting your eyes, “and a bonfire?” you giggle with a hint of excitement.

“You love s’mores during the winter, right?”

Hyunjin smiles, your soul softens.

“I do,” you say quietly, “I really do.”

You quickly exit the car, running into Seungmin's arms with a grin of disbelief plastered on your face. “This is insane,” you almost shout, squeezing him tight in a hug.

“It was so hard to find the perfect middle of nowhere for this,” Minho grumbles as you move to greet him, but the warmth of his embrace assures you he's only teasing.

“Thank you,” you say with a smile as you hug Changbin, who affectionately ruffles your hair. “It was Hyunjin’s idea,” he reveals, and you glance back at Hyunjin, who stands with his hands buried deep within his sweatpants behind you. You mouth a silent “thank you” to him, but he shakes his head modestly as if it is nothing to bring happiness to a bruised heart.

The night unfolds in endless laughter, with Minho and Hyunjin taking turns roasting marshmallows over the crackling bonfire, and Seungmin serving you hot coffee to keep your hands warm. Your stomach aches from the uncontrollable fits of giggles that overtook your being as Minho recounts the time he danced so vigorously on stage for his dance club that he ripped his pants, feeling a breeze where there shouldn't be one; and Changbin tells you the story of the time his voice cracked in the middle of a rap battle, and how none of the boys stopped teasing him about it for months to come.

And as the four of them take turns making you laugh, a quiet, tender realization dawns on you—you are loved. It is something he tried to convince you was impossible, that no one around truly cared for you but him. And even then, you weren’t deserving of his love whole, only scrapes of it, as if you were a beggar tugging at the outskirts of his heart.

But Hyunjin reminded you otherwise. And if your friends found something worthy of love within you then perhaps so will you again, one day.

“Did you have fun?” Hyunjin asks as he opens the door to his, your, apartment hours later. What he doesn't expect is for you to respond by wrapping your arms around his slender torso, squeezing tight in gratitude.

“Thank you,” you whisper and he nods, though you cannot see him, returning the embrace by wrapping his arms around your shoulder blades.

Hyunjin doesn't let go first, sensing that perhaps you need this hug more than he does. He smiles as your eyes meet his again, but his grin falters when he notices your gaze flickering towards your bedroom, a hint of unease clouding your expression. It's as if behind that door lie monsters only you can grasp, wearing the faces of people you once knew, once loved.

“Wanna stay with me while I work on the song?”

“Last time I ended up sleeping on your bed,” you say a bit shamefully, recalling the morning you woke up to find yourself covered with a thick blanket that wasn’t there before, alone in Hyunjin's room.

“It's okay,” he shrugs, “I missed sleeping on the couch.”

You stare pointedly at him and he chuckles, “Fine, I did not miss it. But you needed the sleep, so it’s okay with me.”

“Fine,” you concede, though you did not need much convincing for it. “But only if you promise you’ll wake me up if I end up falling asleep again.”

Hyunjin tilts his head, thinking to himself for a few seconds before shaking his head stubbornly, a small pout drawn on his face, his eyes semi-closed. “No.”

“Hyunjin!”

“Nu-uh,” he insists, shaking his head once more as he walks back towards his room. “I'm waiting for you!”

“I'm not coming!”

But you do eventually join him, after changing your clothes and washing your face. You find Hyunjin clad in beige and white checkered pajamas, his glasses pushing back his silky hair as he hunches over his journal, scribbling away before erasing what he wrote.

“Struggling with lyrics?” you ask, leaning against the wall and he startles. “Do you float on the ground? Why can I never hear you come in?”

“Or maybe you just love being dramatic,” you sing-song, laying atop his bed, much more at ease than the previous night.

Hyunjin sticks his tongue out childishly in response, and you playfully mimic the gesture before both of you dissolve into happy giggles.

“Kind of,” he explains once you both settle down, “I have this specific feeling in mind that I need to convey.”

“You'll do well,” you reassure softly, “your lyrics are always so beautiful. Remember Cover me?” you smile and he scratches the back of his ear, a shy grin spreading across his face.

“You still listen to it?” he asks and you nod eagerly, attempting to belt into Seungmin’s ending high note. You fail horribly and Hyunjin throws a crumpled piece of paper on your face to get you to stop singing.

“My poor ears,” he laughs loudly, and you retaliate by throwing back a pillow on his head.

“You just don’t get my artistic abilities.”

“I’d get them more if you stayed silent.”

You gasp, faking offense as you stand up to tickle Hyunjin on his chair, he starts squirming immediately, his loud giggles spilling all over the room, coating it in vibrant hues of happiness, and you’re suddenly captivated by the sight of him— his head thrown back, a golden lock framing his laughter-filled eyes, his top lowering slightly to reveal glimpses of his collarbones and the delicate veins that trace enticing paths on his neck.

You pause, your hand hovering over the side of his stomach, as a long-forgotten warmth spreads through your heart, like the first rays of dawn greeting the earth after a long winter night. It doesn’t diffuse quickly through your being, but rather drapes like sticky honey on your veins, making you well aware of your growing blush, of how beautiful Hyunjin is in his joy.

“Never singing to you again,” you clear your throat, laying atop his bed once again, and quickly reaching for your phone, anything to avoid his eyes which rival the crescent moon outside his window.

Hours pass before a warm hand gently settles on your shoulder, rousing you from your slumber. Blinking away the fog of sleep, you find Hyunjin leaning over you, his grin wide and infectious. “Wake up,” he whispers, but you only groan, burying your face deeper into his pillow.

He doesn’t yield, taking hold of your wrist and guiding your drowsy figure upright, before wrapping the blanket snugly around your shoulders. Without a word, he leads you out onto his balcony, carefully putting his neon green beanie on your head to shield you from the cold.

“It’s snowing!” he smiles, and his excited tone manages to dissipate the fog in your mind. You blink repeatedly and soon enough, you too behold the fallen snowflakes, each one resembling a tiny speck of light bidding farewell to the sky to greet the earth.

“You missed the first snow so I didn’t want you to miss this one too,” he explains, and his thoughtfulness blankets you with a warmth that seeps into every crevice in your body, drips down your fingertips and makes the cold of 4 a.m. seem less harsh, less biting to the touch.

You don’t know how to say thank you, because those two words don’t encapsulate the depths of gratitude that you feel for Hyunjin. Because he is speaking to the person within you who still loves snow, the part buried underneath layers of dust from a ground heartbreak. But you still manage to hear him, and you squeeze his hand tightly, and he doesn’t let go until you finally do.

❁ ❁ ❁

Remembering has become easier for you these past two months— both the good and the bad. And each day, the scale tips towards one side or the other. Sometimes you recall the suffocation you felt with him, the feeling that no matter what you did you could never please him, that your hands were crafted to break rather than mend. And on those days your wound grows, it throbs and bleeds different emotions.

Sometimes it's anger— at him for treating your heart so carelessly as if you were a being devoid of feeling. And then at you— for staying, for giving him excuses and desperately searching for goodness within him, for the one redeeming quality that would convince you he was worth the pain.

And other days bring an excruciating sadness along, a weight that presses down upon you until you're paralyzed. Because you feel bad for yourself and for everything you went through. Because you’re unsure how to rise when unseen hands push you deeper into the abyss.

And on these days, Seungmin becomes your anchor. He buys your favorite food, skips classes with you, and takes you to your favorite gardens. He talks and he talks and you try your best to laugh because you do not wish to worry him more. It is enough to be your own burden, you do not wish to burden him too.

But when he drops you home, your facade slips away, the smile fading from your face as if it were never truly yours to wear. You are too tired to pretend so you don’t, and Hyunjin doesn’t let you, either. He brews you tea and orders takeout because he knows you lack the energy for cooking. He goes with you on walks and drapes you in pieces of his clothing— scarves and beanies and gloves because he knows you couldn’t care less about a cold when there is a frost coating your bones. He lets you sit in his room while he works on his songs, and while he paints. Sometimes you talk and often you don't need to. But he’s there. He's there with you.

But you also remember the good. You remember your movie night with the boys, Hyunjin building an entire fort for you, adorned with twinkling lights and the softest blankets. How you watched movies until 5 a.m. your bodies so closely huddled together that there was no room left for sadness.

You recall Hyunjin begging you to build a snowman with him at the crack of dawn, the two of you collapsing in fits of laughter as you threw snowballs at one another, your footsteps marking the fresh fallen snow.

You remember being so exhausted after one of your showers that you simply laid atop the couch, gaze fixed on the void, too drained to even untangle the knots in your hair. Yet, it is not the tiredness that you exactly recall, nor the salty tears you shed underneath the scorching water jet. But it is Hyunjin's tender hands as he brushed through your hair, his fingers tracing the nape of your neck, his knuckles ghosting over the slate of your shoulder. You remember whispering that it was a particularly hard day and Hyunjin understanding. You remember him watching many YouTube tutorials to prepare your favorite seaweed soup, only for it to end up being too salty. But you still ate it all, because he made it for you, to lift your wounded spirits. And that alone was enough for it to taste good.

You remember your heart hardening then softening again, breaking then stitching itself back together, closing off then blooming like flowers on the first day of spring. You remember smiling only to cry then smile again. And you remember liking snow, a bit more than you thought you would. Because Hyunjin was there, holding your trembling hand, steadying it enough for you to rewrite your memories with winter.

So, you want to say thank you.

You do not wish to spell it out, because there are too many things to thank Hyunjin for and too few words to do so. Instead, you drag him to the farmer’s market near your home, and you tell him to help you pick flowers.

“I could be in bed watching my favorite show and yet here I am bestowing you with my enchanting presence,” he sighs, not too modestly, as you both eye the array of colorful blooms.

“Okay, Shakespeare, are you done?” you roll your eyes, attempting your best to hide your grin.

“Done annoying you? Never. These are very pretty,” he adds, pointing to the white roses in full bloom, their delicate petals emitting a sweet fragrance into the air.

“I agree, what else should we add?” you ponder, picking out four roses.

“Mm, Hibiscus? The red in the center is so vibrant,” he suggests, taking out his phone to capture the flower.

“Cute. Baby breath’s would look good too,” you say as you gather the flowers, heading to the cashier with Hyunjin trailing behind, still admiring the delicate blooms.

“Can I write a note?” you ask the middle-aged man as he wraps the bouquet in a powder blue paper.

“Sure,” he replies with a smile, and you return the gesture, quickly jotting down your words.

“Are you done?” Hyunjin grins when you return to his side and you nod, exiting the flower shop.

“What do you think?” you ask, angling the bouquet towards him.

“It's beautiful.”

“It’s yours,” you smile, growing shier at the intensity of his gaze as it lands on you, then the flowers, then on you again. “Take it,” you hand it to him, your cheeks flushing like the hibiscus’s crimson core.

“Actually?” he says softly, his fingers trembling slightly as he accepts the flowers and you nod in response. You bite your lip as you watch him take out the note, his eyes softening once he reads the words inscribed in it— thank you for making my winter less cold.

“Should we go?” you say a tad too cheerfully, turning away, but Hyunjin grabs your wrist, spinning you around once more. His fingers trail up your arm, coming to rest gently on your cheek as he leans down to plant a tender kiss there.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, his lips lingering against your skin for a moment longer than necessary. You think that if his soft lips grace your skin a few times more, your nerve endings might forget the harshness they were subjected to. If his gentle hands remain on your cheeks, then maybe, your heart would heal quicker, better. Maybe your past self that you long for would emerge again, maybe Hyunjin would be able to unearth it.

Your hopeful thoughts disappear as quickly as they arrive, overshadowed by a sense of helplessness that crashes over you, all of the sudden. You sense him before you hear him, the familiar anxiety that is only synonymous with your ex’s presence.

“Yn?” the sound of your name feels harsher in his mouth, the syllables spat out rather than spoken tenderly, as they are when Hyunjin pronounces it. Your veins run cold as his voice pierces the air, your heart skipping three beats at once before plummeting to your knees. You wrap your hand around Hyunjin’s forearm instinctively, and he looks down at you, his expression morphing into one of concern.

You’re unsure of what he sees in you— whether it is your pale face, the quiver of your lower lip, or the fear that has coated all your features— but his eyes harden, his brows furrowing as he gazes at the man behind you.

You refuse to turn around, bracing yourself for his next words. “Yn,” he repeats his tone laced with anger, his fingertips grazing your arm as if intending to force you to face him. But before he can touch you, Hyunjin intervenes, swiftly stepping in between you and your ex, shielding you with his own body protectively.

“Leave,” Hyunjin's voice is cold, dripping with a venomous edge you've never heard from him before, his jaw clenching with barely contained fury.

“Is this your new shiny toy, Yn?” your ex taunts and his voice cuts through your being against your will, triggering a flood of memories you've tried so desperately to suppress. Memories of his cruelty, his manipulation, and the pain he inflicted upon you—using your love as a weapon to bolster his own ego.

“What's in it for you?” you find your voice again, though it trembles when you speak. He is the very embodiment of your pain and everything you loathe about yourself. You wish for the ground to swallow you whole, for a bolt of lightning to strike the earth, anything to spare you from facing him.

“It's only been three months, I didn't know you were a whore.”

Hyunjin's fist connects with his cheek before you can register his words. It all unfolds so rapidly that you barely have time to comprehend it. Your ex staggers back, blood trickling from the cut on his lip, while Hyunjin stands before you, his chest heaving with restrained anger, his right hand clenched into a fist, the bouquet still held tightly in the other.

“Fine, I deserved it,” your ex chuckles, his voice laced with mockery as he wipes the blood from his lip. His gaze meets yours briefly behind Hyunjin's back.

“You might not be a whore but you are unlovable, keep that in mind.” He spits out before walking away, crude words that tear at every scab covering your wounds, reopening them with a brutal force. Hyunjin moves to follow him, but you grab his shirt, pulling him back.

“He’s not worth it,” you murmur.

Your words seem to snap Hyunjin out of his haze as he turns to look at you, worry cast across his figure. He moves to cradle your cheeks but you step back, refusing to meet his eyes. He swallows thickly, clutching the bouquet in his hands. “Are you okay?”

You let out a heavy sigh, your shoulders slumping as you shake your head slightly. “Let's just go home,” you whisper, eyes fleeting to his for a split second. All the lights in your gaze are muted.

You’re crumbling before him once again and he cannot stop it, no matter how much he yearns to.

It's long past midnight when you find yourself seated on the floor of your living room, a bottle of red wine placed between you and Hyunjin. You exchange it wordlessly, taking turns sipping from it, the alcohol warming your insides but doing little to ease the ache in your heart. You don’t exactly recall when Hyunjin sat next to you, but you don’t mind. You were too lost in your own thoughts to even register his presence.

“Yn,” he calls out softly and you hum absentmindedly, memories of when your ex spoke your name haunting you, each time he yelled your name, uttered it in disdain as if it was the starting point of everything wrong with you.

“Talk to me, please?” he pleads, angling his body towards your own. But you refuse to meet his eyes and Hyunjin’s heart twists in his chest. He is afraid of all the ugly thoughts that must roam your mind. He wishes he could enter it, open the windows wide, and usher the light in.

“I'm sorry you were dragged into this,” you say, your gaze fixated on the bouquet placed atop the table. The crimson painted on the hibiscus’ petals reminds you of the blood that spilled from your ex’s mouth, and your gaze fleets to Hyunjin's hand, slightly bruised from the punch.

“Don’t apologize,” he whispers, “there is nothing to be sorry for.”

It’s as though you don’t hear him, your fingers trailing gently across his scraped knuckles, tears pooling in your eyes the more you stare at his hand.

“Does it hurt?” you ask, voice thick with emotion, and Hyunjin’s quick to shake his head. “No, don’t worry about it. He deserved it.”

“You didn’t deserve to be hurt.”

“Neither did you.”

Your disbelieving scoff that follows scares him. What if you’re slipping away into a dark place yet again, one void and barricaded, in which the only sound that echoes is your ex’s hurtful words? What if he can’t reach you again?

“If the only person I’ve ever loved says I’m unlovable then maybe I am.”

You’re drunk, you wouldn’t have said such an ugly thing otherwise, wouldn’t have allowed this sentiment to materialize into the air, to take a tangible form apart from your abstract thoughts.

“No,” Hyunjin says in a panic as though he’s trying to quickly pull the brakes on your free-railing thoughts. He cups your face between his palms, your tears falling freely atop his hands but he does not move away.

“No,” he repeats, more calmly this time. “How he treated you is a reflection of who he is. And how you see him is a reflection of who you are. And you wanted him to be loving because you’re full of love. You wanted him to be good because you are a good person. And he can’t stomach that, can’t stomach that you are happy without him so he’s trying to ruin you again.”

“Hyunjin…” you shake your head but he only inches closer to you, his thumbs gently caressing your cheekbones. “No, listen to me. Seungmin loves you so much he couldn’t eat properly for the first few days you stayed here, texted me all the time asking me how you were and if you were feeling better. He isn't good with words so instead he tries to make you laugh. He wishes he could give up parts of his happiness for you.”

A sob swells within you but Hyunjin presses on. “And Minho, he tried to memorize all your favorite recipes so he could cook them for you. It isn’t a coincidence that every time we go over to their dorm it is your favorite food that we eat. He takes more pictures of his cats these days so he could send them to you because he knows it cheers you up.”

“You told me Changbin doesn’t know you well enough to fight for you but when we saw your ex across the campus one day he wanted to get up and beat him. He always asks me if you are well and if there is something he can do for you, anything.”

He inhales deeply, tears welling up in his eyes as well. “And me…” a tender smile graces his lips as he gazes at you, “you make this house a home. I feel like my true self when you are around and loneliness doesn’t come to me as often as it did. Because you are here. You are like a beam of sunlight that lightens up every life you touch, mine first,” he’s baring his soul to you, vulnerable yet resolute. “So tell me, Yn, what’s not to love in you when you yourself are so full of love?”

“Hyune,” you speak the nickname for the first time, and Hyunjin’s heart thrashes achingly around his ribcage. “If you keep talking like this I might end up loving you,” you smile sadly at him as if it is a terrible thing to be loved by you.

“But I don’t want to love you, because I won’t know how to, not anymore. So I'll end up leaving. And I'll long for you, and I don't think I can stomach longing for you from afar.”

“So please,” you place one hand atop his own, wipe away the lone tear rolling down his cheek. “Don’t make me love you, hm? You deserve more than to be loved by someone like me.”

You leave Hyunjin in the living room, alone before the white flowers you gifted him. He doesn’t want to put them away in a vase, for as soon as he grabbed them from your hold, everything around you both crumbled. So he leaves them there for the night, the creamy white petals aglow underneath the moonlight. He spends the night painting the bouquet from memory, but the petals end up too tinged with red, perhaps mirroring the blood his heart refuses to stop spilling still.

He did not realize it before, maybe he blinded himself so he wouldn’t see what was before him all along. But it is all the clearer to him now— that in his attempts to make you love winter again, Hyunjin only ended up loving you.

A week later.

hyune [1:25 a.m.]: i miss you

You and Hyunjin spent the last seven days avoiding one another, well you more than him. He just understood your silent plea when you took a step back the one time he tried to talk to you in the kitchen, swallowing thickly before inching away, allowing you to move past him.

You did not know how to face him after what he said, partly because you were embarrassed by your own response, mostly because even in your drunken daze, his words etched themselves permanently into your memory.

It is his reassuring words that echoed in your brain for the past week, not those of your ex.

hyune [1: 26 a.m.]: and i miss sleeping on the couch

You giggle, shaking your head before replying.

yn [1:26 a.m.]: no you don’t

hyune [1:26 a.m.]: no i don’t ㅠㅠ

but i finished the song

wanna hear?

Walking to Hyunjin’s room feels as familiar as going into your own. And when your gaze finally meets his you can’t help but break into a relieved smile. It was foolish of you to punish yourself, enough people have done that for you already.

“Hey,” he greets tentatively, and you respond with an awkward wave, a moment pregnant with anticipation passes before both of you dissolve into laughter.

“What is this? Are we in middle school,” he teases and you giggle, settling comfortably on his bed once more.

“I know. We are so lame.”

“You are,” he corrects with a grin and you gasp, pretending to leave but he quickly catches your hand, stopping you. “No, please stay. I meant it when I said that I missed you,” he repeats quietly, as if afraid that his confession would make you run away once again.

Your heart aches, the knots in your stomach tightening and unraveling all at once. “I missed you too,” you admit softly, and he smiles, his thumb tracing a gentle path above your pulse before releasing your hand.

“So it's done then?” you ask and he nods, running a hand through his hair with a hint of anxiety. “How do you feel about it?”

“Good. I hope you’ll like it, mostly.”

“I'm sure I will,” you reassure him with a soft smile, and he nods once more, pressing a few buttons before his melodious whistles fill the air once again.

Nothing could have braced you for the sound of Hyunjin's voice that followed, its timbre soft as silk yet imbued with profound sorrow. It's as though he recorded the song on one of his loneliest nights, his honeyed vocals dipped in an excruciating nostalgia that seeps into every corner of the room, every corner of your heart.

In the faded photo, I come across a smile spread across a youthful face, overlapped with the seasons.

Your gaze flickers to Hyunjin as a shadow of recollection dawns on you. You remember telling him that you couldn’t stomach looking at pics of your past, ones in which you smiled so freely because you were blissfully unaware of what was to come.

The night’s so cold that it’s almost unreal.

Because you weren’t aware of the winter that will follow and the biting cold that it would bear, for everything that will go astray in your relationship, for your ex's facade to crack like a glacier succumbing to the pressure of lies and pretense.

I wake up in another silence, and I close my eyes.

You remember Hyunjin confessing that silence haunted him more than words ever could, and you had agreed, sharing how sometimes you shut your eyes, pretending that the reality you woke up to wasn't the one you were living.

The white flower we planted together has bloomed. I do not dare pick it. Now it withers away.

You gaze at the white flowers you brought him, now wilted in the vase placed on his desk, yet Hyunjin refuses to throw them still. You see the card you wrote for him hung on the wall, right next to the dried red rose. He kept it. Though it withered, he kept it all.

So I long for you. And I long for you. And I'll long for you.

You remember the longing you both spoke of, how he understood a feeling you felt so incredibly alone in. How he tried to reassure you when he too was caught in the webs of the past. How you longed for him in the past week. How you wished he longed for you just the same.

So I can keep loving you. So I could be loving you. And morе.

The violin swells and so does the emotion in your chest. You remember him asking you ‘What’s not to love in you’ and how you've spun those words in your thoughts ever since. You remember thinking that if he gave you a few more weeks, just a bit more time, you might have found it in you to believe them.

You see Hyunjin’s glimmering eyes holding yours, you see his heart atop a platter handed to you, and you see the resignation in his being. Don’t make me love you, you told him. You didn’t dare to tell him not to love you in return, deemed it too foolish of thought to entertain.

For he was Hwang Hyunjin, the quiet producer who paints in his free time and who wears his heart on his sleeve. Who remains hopeful, loving, and tender, despite the thorns pricking at his side. Who is beautiful, so much so that he allowed you to see beauty in the universe once again, through his eyes.

How could he love you?

How could you not love him?

“The song,” you whisper, the words barely escaping your lips as you stand, trembling, on your feet. Hyunjin rises too, meeting you in the center of his room.

“It is about you. For you,” he says simply as if his words don’t cause your world to burst at the seams only to mend itself once again, too eager to fix itself and exist in the same timeline as Hyunjin.

“I don't… I don’t know what to say,” you say earnestly, feeling your heart pound in your chest, its beats resounding loudly in your ears.

It is wrong of you to assume he wishes you to say something. He is Hyunjin, the one who finds words in your silences too, after all.

“I don’t need you to say anything,” he shakes his head, taking another step closer to you. “I don't want an answer, I don't wish to pressure you. I just wanted to tell you that my love is here, it is yours to take or to leave, to cherish or to discard. But it is yours, because this is who I am. I am someone who loves you.”

“So do not tell me to forget you because I don't know how to. And don’t tell me that you’ll leave because I will love you still, because you’d still be you, near or far, you are you. And you are someone I long for.” He pauses, his voice softening. “And I long for you, Yn, more than anything I've ever longed for. And I've spent all my life longing.”

His lips meet your forehead tenderly, and you feel your entire being grow limp at the chaste kiss, as if your limbs wish to liquefy and form a puddle on the floor. His touch is soft, and you miss it the moment he parts from you.

“There must be something in this room that keeps on making you cry,” he smiles and you bring your hands to your damp cheeks, surprised to find there tears you didn’t realize had fallen.

“It’s you,” you pinch his arm playfully and he squirms away from your hold, stabbing his toe on the desk in the process. A loud fuck echoes around the room, and your laughter dissipates the tension clinging into the air.

“Can you play it again?” you request softly and Hyunjin’s theatrics fade as a shy smile tugs at the corner of his lips.

“Is it good?”

“It's everything to me.”

“It's called ‘long for you’, by the way.”

“Long for you,” you repeat quietly. There has never been a prettier combination of words.

The title all but makes sense as you lay on the bed, your gaze fixed on the paintings hung on the wall, Hyunjin sketching quietly on his desk, the song resonating softly in the background. You've longed for many things in your life—the person you once were and the tender love you once craved—but amidst it all, nothing has weighed heavier on your heart than the longing for the man sitting just two meters away, almost in your loving grasp. Almost.

❁ ❁ ❁

It is an excruciating five days that Hyunjin spends apart from you, the both of you too caught up in your assignments to find a moment to properly speak. But you do not shy away from him when he greets you, and your grin is kind as it drapes across his being, and Hyunjin swears he has never seen a prettier sight than you smiling.

On the sixth night, Hyunjin completes the cover for the song— a figure wrapped around itself protectively, mirroring the way you hug yourself in your sleep. He hangs it on the wall, right next to your thank you card and the white bouquet he drew once again, wishing to properly immortalize its beautiful flowers, to purify that memory from the tumult that followed it.

On the sixth night, the house is quiet, the full moon high up in the sky, snowflakes falling softly to the ground. Hyunjin wonders if you too mimicked the snow’s descent— both of you falling apart with it.

But then, there’s a knock on his door.

His heart catches in his throat, his body freezing as if it forgot how to move. You are here.

“Come in,” he manages to say, his voice barely above a whisper. You push the door open, and Hyunjin's words wilt on his tongue as he sees what you're carrying—another bouquet, filled with white flowers, yet again.

“Hey,” you smile, standing by the door.

He remains silent, unsure of what to say, or how to speak. He longs for you when you are away, even more so when you’re before him.

“We shouldn't let these white flowers wither away too, right?” you smile slightly, placing the bouquet on the desk before walking to Hyunjin’s bedside. His voice falters, vocal cords refusing to move and overshadow your voice.

You sit beside him, gently pulling his hand so that you’d both lie on the pillows. Your hand doesn’t leave his own, instead, it moves to rest on his cheek, reminiscent of the many times he had cradled your face before. Inch by inch, you close the gap between you, nuzzle the tip of your nose against his own. “Hi, Hyune”, you say softly, and he swallows thickly, his voice coming out just as quietly.

“Hi, my Yn.”

“If we take care of the white flowers together do you think they’ll survive a bit longer?” you ask, your gaze never wavering from his, countless stars twinkling in the depths of your irises.

“I believe so,” he says tentatively, too aware of the warmth of your palm against his skin, of the sweet ache unfurling within his being.

“Mm, and even if they wilt we can always buy new ones. We can learn how to care for them better, with time,” you say, and he nods in agreement, laying his hand atop your own, tilting his head to bestow a chaste kiss on your palm.

“With time,” he echoes softly and you smile, vulnerable yet secure in his gray sheets, in his hold.

“Will you give me time too?” you ask, and Hyunjin reads in your eyes what you mean, understands in the shake of your voice the question you are too afraid to voice. Will he give you time to heal in order to love?

“As long as you need. I’m not going anywhere,” he reassures, pressing his forehead gently atop yours, and you both close your eyes, as a running warmth encloses you both, blooms a blush on both your cheeks.

His arms wrap around your back, drawing you close until your chests are pressed together, your head resting naturally in the curve of his neck. And it is long forgotten in your mind, all the nights you slept in this very bed alone. You feel safe, safe enough to long for love knowing that it patiently awaits you behind the door, once you find enough courage to turn the doorknob. You feel serene, as Hyunjin’s warm palms glide soothingly up and down your spine, as every muscle, every nerve, every atom in your being relaxes in his hold.

You are healing, slowly, with each fleeting second that passes in which Hyunjin’s heartbeat resounds within your chest, as its melody runs through your veins, melds with your own as if it was destined to be there all along. As you rest in Hyunjin, as you find a safe home within his soul to discard your worries at the doorstep and breathe.

“It did get better,” you whisper, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade. “Hm?” He leans back to look at you, and he’s so beautiful, so tender as he gazes at you, you can’t help but trace the contours of his face with your fingers, hoping to commemorate him with your eyes, with your touch.

“You promised me it’ll get better, and it did,” you smile, as your legs further intertwine with his, and his rose perfume becomes an indelible mark on your skin. “Too bad I can't hit your pretty face now,” you joke and he giggles, tipping his head back.

He's so beautiful, body and soul, and he longs for you, you alone.

“But I can still do this,” you murmur before finally pressing your lips against his like a boat finally reaching the shore after months of sailing. You both exhale, in yearning, in relief, as your mouths move together in a slow, languid dance, his hand finding the pulse on your neck, yours settling atop his jaw.

He would kiss you again, this intimately, in the coming months, when your heart expands enough to contain the love Hyunjin deserves. He would kiss you again, when your past comes to haunt you, and healing sounds like an elusive myth you’d never encounter in your life.

And he would kiss you again, over the kitchen table and under the fridge’s light, in between paintings and in supermarket aisles, while picking flowers and watching the first snow.

He would kiss you, this tenderly, in the next winter, and the ones after it, as if his longing for you never wanes. Till blow three disappears from your memory, till all you remember is the love, the true one, the kind one, the soft one Hyunjin alone could have brought you.

#stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #skz x reader #skz x you #skz fluff #skz angst #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #skz au #skz scenarios #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids scenarios #stray kids imagine #stray kids imagines #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin angst #hwang hyujin imagines #hyunjin imagines

[harrysfolklore]

Tom meeting reader at an event and he’s just flirting the whole night and ends up getting her number

i watched the golden globes and got inspired to write this! i hope you like it <3

MASTERLIST | MY PATREON

If there was an award for "most nervous person in attendance" at the Golden Globes, you'd have won it by now.

Award shows never failed to make your stomach feel in knots the entire time, specially when you were nominated, like tonight.

The Great had been a huge breakout role, a period drama that had captivated audiences and critics. Now, you stood among the nominees for Female Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy at the Golden Globes, and you could feel your heart pounding as the moment of your category being announced approached.

"Love, are you okay?" you heard a voice calling for you, turning your head you realized that it was Dua (yes, the Dua Lipa) who was sitting next to you.

"Just a bit nervous," you told her with a small smile, "I think I'll head backstage for a minute, I need a breather."

She assured you with another smile and you made your way backstage, a commercial break started just on cue.

You had rehearsed your acceptance speech a dozen times in case you won, and also had a pep talk ready in case you didn't, yet the nerves persisted. You knew you were competing against some big names, and whatever the result people online would have something to say.

Your train of thought was interrupted by your body colliding with someone, almost dropping your clutch in the process.

"Whoa there, careful," a voice chuckled, catching your arm.

"Sorry, I didn't see where I was going," you said, your cheeks flushing from embarrassment, of course you'd run into someone in classic romcom cliche style.

"No harm done. You alright?" he grinned and you recognized him, it was the man who had been flooding your Tiktok for you page for the past month, Tom Blyth, "I'm Tom, by the way."

"Nice to meet you, I'm YN," you smiled back, "And yeah, I'm okay. Just a bit nervous about my category. Oh you're presenting it, aren't you?"

"I'll have the privilege, yes," his charm effortlessly showed, "And just so you know, I'm rooting for you. You were phenomenal in The Great, one of my favorite shows I watched last year."

Your nerves seemed to ease a bit, his presence and charm making you relax. There was something about him that felt comforting, even though it was your first time meeting him.

"Thank you, that's really nice," you smiled at him, "But I don't want to get too confident, the other nominees are just as great."

"Honestly, I'd bet my hat you're taking that Golden Globe home tonight."

Tom squeezed your arm gently and you smiled again, and before another word could be exchanged, a crew member's voice echoed through the backstage area announcing that the show was back from commercial break in 30 seconds.

"Well, looks like it's showtime" Tom glanced towards the exit, then back at you. "Knock 'em dead out there, YN. You got this."

"We'll see."

With a final wink sent your way, you parted ways. You returned to your seat and tried to enjoy the ceremony as much as you could, your nerves still in the back of your head but your interaction with Tom making you feel more at ease now.

"And now, presenting the award for Female Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy, please welcome The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes star, Tom Blyth!"

You heard the host say and you knew t was time, and once again a wave of nerves and uncertainty filled your body.

The crowd erupted in applause as Tom stepped onto the stage, his confidence and charm shinning through.

"Good evening, everyone. It's an honor to be here tonight among such incredible talents," Tom smiled, "Here are the nominees for Female Actor in a Television Series, Musical or Comedy."

A video played showing all the nominees but you felt like your mind was numb, you didn't even realize it had ended until Tom's voice was heard again.

"And the Golden Globe goes to," he paused for suspense, and you could see a small smirk making its way to his face as he read the name, "YN!"

Time seemed to freeze, you tried to process everything as you heard the applause from the crowd and those around you congratulating you and before you knew it, you were on stage taking the award from Tom's hands and giving him a quick hug.

"I told you." He quietly whispered in your ear and gave you a wink, a moment that the cameras had caught.

You gave your speech, thanking your cast mates, directors, family, friends and the rest of the nominees. Once you were done you headed backstage with a proud smile and your newest award in hand.

The night went on and you definitely enjoyed every minute of it, mingling with other actors and thanking everyone who approached to congratulate you.

Once the ceremony wrapped up, you headed to the after party, you were sipping on a fruity drink by the bar when you felt a presence behind you.

"Hey, can I steal a moment with the newest Golden Globe winner?"

You turned around noticing it was Tom, he had changed to a different suit and you couldn't help but think that he looked really handsome.

"Sure, what do you need, president Snow?" you laughed, feeling a newfound confidence around him.

"How about your number? I'd hate to lose touch with Hollywood's latest sensation." Tom flashed his charming smile again, taking you by surprise and making your entire body feel giddy.

"Smooth, Blyth. Very smooth." Blushing furiously, you playfully rolled your eyes.

"Well, when you really really want something, smooth comes naturally."

And just like that, after winning a major award for your career and feeling on top of the world, you found herself exchanging numbers with Tom Blyth, excited to see where that would take you.

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