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sticks-and-souls · 7 months

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Anakin & Letting Go

I always found it to be a little skeptical that Anakin could become a force ghost after it took Yoda, Qui Gon, and Obi-Wan learning and training how to do it, and I always thought “really? Anakin? Finding that level of peace and letting go?” But after this episode, seeing the care and lesson that he imparts upon Ahsoka that he learned so painfully, I understand it from him so much better. Vader was so stuck in his complete self-hatred that he allowed nobody who had known him before as Anakin to reach him (most notably Obi-Wan and Ahsoka) because of the overwhelming extent of his shame. It took his son, who had never known him and yet who still stood before him and believed in him, loved him, sacrificed himself for him, to call Anakin back from the depths of Vader. And this Anakin, let everything go to save his son and to allow his son to save him.

And it felt so impactful to get to see this mature post-Vader Anakin reaching out to Ahsoka to teach her this very hard-earned lesson that he took the very hard road to get. Because she has Vader in her. She is everything Anakin taught her, and we saw the behaviors that led Anakin to becoming Vader—the fear of losing his most cherished relationships—reaching out of Anakin very early in the clone wars (and before) and the two of them are both very aware that he imparted those lessons on her. And then we've seen across this season—and overtly in her clone wars flashbacks—that she believes she is inextricable from these traits.

I’ve always loved Anakin as a fictional character, getting to see his earnestness, his flawedness, and his intensity (to borrow Huyang’s very accurate adjective), but this episode brought a level of humanity to him that has moved me so deeply. Life is HARD, loss gets forced on all of us no matter what, and the lessons that we learn through mistakes that we made can be extremely painful because acknowledging and taking responsibility for hurting people is actually really painful for humans (not owning up to our actions is the emotionally easier choice and George Lucas has stated time and again that the Dark Side is about taking the short-term easier choices). But it ultimately means that learning from your mistakes is an actual choice you have to MAKE. And this is the core of Anakin’s lesson. He is teaching Ahsoka that she has to choose which lessons he has taught her that she will live by, but more than that, that she is empowered to be able to choose. Yes, she has everything that he taught her—the good and the bad—but she is not condemned to live out all of the lessons.

And the beauty of it isn't just the lesson, but that Anakin gets to be the one to teach it to her. The betrayal that she experienced in discovering his fall, the taintedness that she has been portraying that she feels about herself, gets specifically addressed because if he figured it out, then she definitely can too. If he is more than just Vader, then she is too. And THAT is what the "Is that what this is about?" line is actually about. It's so so important that we get to see pre-Vader, Vader, and post-Vader across her vision because the point is that yes, Vader is a part of him, and that brilliant shot of the two of them glaring Sith eyes across the blade at each other did it's job in conveying that Ahsoka is capable of that darkness too, but you are not only the darkness. You get to choose. ("You're more than [death and destruction] because I'm more than that"). And more to the point, you have to choose. Because if you don't specifically choose to fight the dark, then you're ultimately choosing to fall into it. "Fight or die."

So for Anakin to be able to reach out to her one more time, to be able to love her the way he, as Vader, had refused to the last time when they met on Malachor, and to open with “you’re never too old to learn”, because god if he didn’t learn that the hard way too. And to be able to pass on to Ahsoka how to actually let go because he himself had only just finally been able to learn it as well, feels so powerful and poignant.

And that look of pride and wistful sadness that he gives her at the end? That both she and Luke were able to learn so quickly what took him so long? And that maybe, he may have helped save her from the worst traits that he imbued upon her? That’s him having let go of his own shame. He feels grief, he feels guilt—we can see it on his face—but what has happened has happened and he has accepted that, and finally learned that letting go doesn't mean it didn't happen, it means it doesn't have to define your actions going forward.

And finally, it’s also him letting go of ahsoka. By teaching her that she will choose her destiny, he has to accept that he cannot control it either. And he has. “There’s hope for you yet.”

So yeah, Anakin learned to let go, and getting to see him here, in this headspace of acceptance and peace, practicing and understanding what it means to be a Jedi, was so unexpectedly cathartic and revelatory for me as viewer.

#listen this lesson IS HIS APOLOGY. he didn’t get it then but he gets it now so please ahsoka #here are the tools to break the cycle of fear and violence #i love you snips i love you snips i love you snips #i love anakin as a character but I never thought I would feel as proud of him as I do now #say what you will about filoni but to me this episode proved he actually gets the ethos at the core of star wars #I also finally feel like the show has earned the emotional sucker punch of an end credits score that kevin kiner gifted us with #ahsoka series #ahsoka meta #ahsoka show #ahsoka spoilers #anakin skywalker #snips and skyguy #ahsoka tano #darth vader #dave filoni #kevin kiner #my meta #ahsoka shadow warrior #man this was so much longer than i expected. let me tell you im a victim of parental abuse without telling you im a victim of parental abus #writing this out had me SOBBING y'all #ahsoka gets the reparation we all deserve

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marshmallowdarling · 1 year

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heyyy uhh

I dont know how many reqs you have so I'll keep it short, dw! but darth vader (actually Vader; most ppl i've seen tag it as darth vader when its not, yk?😅) "reuniting" w/ a gn friend of his, but the reunion is them being captive 😀👍. like maybe the friend was captured bcuz he was hunting for jedis, or they were helping ppl escape and that backfired on them.

you're free to choose how his friend got captured cuz im just throwin ideas. so many scenarios lmao 😆😆😆

I'm finally back!!

So sorry for being away for so long and so sorry for taking so long to get to this request, I stopped writing it half way through the first bit and realised I might have fucked up the request but kept going anyways lol so sorry if it wasn't how you imagined!!

I tried making it a little more yandere at the end but I will 100% write a few head canons or more one shots after about how life would be after this if anyones interested!! :D

Remember my request are still open!!

✧3735 words ✧ Vader x Reader ✧ Sher/Her pronouns

Hope you enjoy bubs!

~Mwah!

(Y/N) never wanted to be a jedi, not really. She wanted to help people of course but did she really want this life?

Her question was answered after her dear friend Anakin died; no, she didn’t want this life.

She wanted a life of her own, to not have to train every day with multiple weapons, to not have to stress about every movement she makes.

She wanted a life where she could sleep in, where she could just breathe and live and do mundane things, where she could make connections and love.

But the force works in mysterious ways and after (Y/N) had grown up, settling down in a small town and having a small shop that she adored as it played into her hobby, she was yanked back into the life she had left behind.

Obi wan had reached out to get her to help the resistance, she was apprehensive at first but after seeing him come back to her shop a bloody mess with her childhood friend Ahsoka, she had reluctantly agreed to help him just to help people escape the empire.

“I thought you said there wouldn’t be any troopers here.” (Y/N) hisses, using the force to yank a metal box towards three troopers and slam them into the wall. She barely misses the blaster shot as she jerks her body behind another crate.

Crouching down to cover herself, she fumbles to get her (borrowed) blaster from her thigh holster before peeking out and taking a few bad shots.

Ahsoka uses the distraction to take down the last two troopers before looking down at (Y/N) and extending her hand. “It wasn’t a part of the plan.” They both grunt as she hauls her friend up.

“When does anything ever go according to plan” (Y/N) grumbles as she dusts herself off.

Ahsoka just chuckles before looking around they alley way they were forced into. “Master Kenobi said the captured Jedi’s are around here, we already made a scene so we should just go without him. If they caught us off guard, we should probably assume he’s not doing well on his end either.”

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“Come on this way.” (Y/N) whispers to an injured Jedi as she helps them walk in the cover of the night. “We’re almost there, just hold on a little bit more.” Her eyes glance at the wound at their side, blood already seeping through the fabric she had ripped from her outfit and used as a makeshift bandage.

Panic shoots up her spine as (Y/N) throws herself and the Jedi to the side just barely missing the swipe of a saber.

Rolling over to push herself up by her arms she doesn’t miss the boot that slams into her stomach, a silent scream creeps up her throat as her mouth widens at the blunt pain.

She had never seen him in the flesh, but anyone could figure out who that black booted foot belongs too.

Darth Vader.

Gritting her teeth in pain she grabs his ankle to haul her body up slightly as her other hand comes and pushes behind his knee to make him drop.

‘GO! GET TO THE OTHERS AND GET THE KRIFF OUT OF HERE!’ She yells to the Jedi using the force as Vader swings his arm and lands a right hook.

(Y/N) says good bye to her life as she focuses everything on just making sure Vader is distracted enough to let the injured Jedi and the rest escape. She sees them start to crawl to the wall to haul their body up in their peripheral, but she just elbows Vader’s chin making his helmet covered face tilt up.

This is the first time she had seen him; she can see a hazy reflection of herself in the black metal of his armour, but she gets flown back and slammed into the ground as he reaches out his hand and uses the force to pin her down.

Her torso gets the brunt of the attack and she flicks her wrist to get a few scattered rocks and stones thrown at him. They don’t do much damage as his armour takes the brunt of it, but it throws him off enough to let her grab her blaster and take a few shots making him release his force.

Two hit his chest head on, his armour taking the shots as he remained unharmed, whilst the others miss pathetically.

“You’re a pathetic excuse for a Jedi.” His voice booms out, modulated from his helmet but still unbelievably deep as he snarls. His arm extends to use the force again, but she takes a few more shots at his arm making him flinch back.

“I am no Jedi.” She spits back, the hood covering her form starts to lift as the wind picks up but it manages to stay on. “You must not be as smart as they say you are if you really can’t see my plan.”

Finally seeing that the Jedi is out of sight, (Y/N) throws all her force at him. Vader gets thrown back a few inches but stays strong to the rest as he swipes his arm out and knocks her off her feet, his raises his arm and moves her around like a rag doll in the air before he slams her down into the ground, keeping her pinned there.

She can barely move her fingers this time, not even a twitch as she sees his figure start to walk towards her. Pressure starts enclosing around her throat, blocking her air supply as she tries to rip her arms away, but they just lay there helplessly. She gasps, gritting her teeth to try and do anything but all she can manage is to kick her feet as the wind finally rips away her hood, instantly slapping her face with the cold chilling air.

Her vision starts to bleed in and out as her head spins from the lack of oxygen, (Y/N) manages to see Vader now looming over her figure and she thinks she sees him recoil back once he finally gets a look at her face.

The invisible hand around her throat and pinning her limbs down let go almost instantly. She flings her body up and immediately gulps down air and coughs, everything hurts and throbs in pain, but she can’t think about anything as her hands come up to cradle her throat as she tries to fight off unconsciousness and steady her breathing.

(Y/N)’s mind finally comes back to her as she cranes her neck up to see Vader just standing there.

“Wh-What?” She manages to croak out as her throat screams in protest, tears she didn’t know were now spilling to coming down her chin.

A weird crackling sound comes out and she thinks it’s his modulated breathing as he just stares.

She wants to fight, to do anything but sit there on the ground pathetically but it takes everything in her just to loll her head up at him, her body feeling like lead as new bruises start to flourish with old ones. It had been days of fighting and running and healing injured Jedi without any rest.

(Y/N) was never the strongest and after years of not training or using any force, she had become weak.

He says something, she thinks it’s a name, her name?

But her eyes finally close as her body falls to the side and her brain drags her to sleep.

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(Y/N) shuffles around a bit on the plush bed to get herself comfortable before her mind starts to darken again, the silk sheets feeling soft and light yet warm.

Wait sheets? Bed?

Throwing her body up, the black sheets pool at her waist as she frantically looks around the room.

It’s a room of some sorts, maybe on a ship? The walls are metal and the room’s big but bare with anything personalised.

She remembers the fight with Vader, thinking she was going to die but he just let her go and then she passed out.

The room spins as her vision finally clears its sleepy haze and the more she tries to focus the more the throbbing pain in her head hurts. Her body is so sore, and it feels like she has to use every piece of strength in her body to try and pick up her arm.

Nausea creeps up her throat and she groans as she curls into herself.

Hearing the door open, she forces her body up right as she watches Vader stride in, there’s no words exchanged as he closes the door and takes a few steps towards the bed.

They both stare at each other, (Y/N) staring into the eyes of his helmet to try and search for his eyes and Vader looking in those familiar (E/C) orbs he used to search comfort in.

Slowly, he starts to lift his helmet off and (Y/N) goes to stop him but it dies in her throat when she sees his face.

“Anakin?” Her voice is so soft he barely misses it, he wants to correct her and say that Anakin is dead but when he opens his mouth nothing comes out.

(Y/N) doesn’t know what to do, she wants to swear at him, she wants to jump and scream and hug him so tight but…

“You’re…. You’re not Anakin.” She says slowly.

She can see the hurt flash in his eyes before he looks away and puts his helmet back on. They both return to silence before (Y/N) speaks again.

“What do you want from me? Why am I here? Why didn’t you just…” She trails off, her head pounding harder as she thinks about her childhood best friend ending her life.

“Just what? Kill you?” His voice comes out sharp, but the ugly sound of his modulator crackling tells her his voice strained.

(Y/N) pushes herself up by her arm to sit properly as he watches her through his visor. “You fought with Master Obi-Won and fought to kill. Why didn’t you do that to me once you saw who I was?”

“That’s different” Vader’s voice comes out uncharacteristically high, but he calms himself before continuing. “You are in my bedroom and you will be here until I say so. I’ll go get you some medicine and food.”

His black cape flows as he turns around to leave but (Y/N) leans forward to try and make him stay.

“Wait! Anakin-”

“It’s Vader now!” He snaps cutting her off. “And don’t think of leaving this room, your injured and I have the door locked with guards stationed outside. Just sit down and do nothing, like you have done for years.”

The last few words digs a knife into her heart but she doesn’t even have the time to properly react before he’s out of the room with the sound of the door sliding closed.

(Y/N) stares blankly at the door as her head falls back to softly thunk against the bed post.

Had her Anakin really turned into this? Into the monster that is Darth Vader?

A few tears escape her eyes that she’s too exhausted to wipe away. “Oh Anakin, what did they do to you?”

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Like he had said, Vader came back into the room a few minutes later with a bowl of some sort of bone broth, a cup of water and some bacta patches.

He straightens out the sheets at her lap before placing the tray down before giving her a once over and disappearing into what (Y/N) thinks is a connected refresher.

Picking up the spoon, she swirls the bone broth a bit before taking a small tentative sip. It hits her tongue, and she has to stop herself from humming. Days on the run with limited bad tasting food made this simple broth taste divine on her tongue, but as soon as she swallows, she feels her stomach churn.

(Y/N) drops the spoon back into the bowl, it makes a small splash that barely misses her clothes but she ignores it to sling one arm over her stomach.

Hearing Vader return, she doesn’t have it in her to look up at him as she closes her eyes.

“You need to eat.” It’s a command, his voice having no trace of the man it used to belong to.

“Why am I here.” Her voice is so soft that even Vader’s helmet almost misses it, but he doesn’t, and he doesn’t know how to respond.

He hesitates before taking a few tentative steps closer to the bed. “Why didn’t you become a Jedi?”

Opening her eyes to watch him, her eyes flash to show her Anakin, the one who was always curled into himself in the middle of the nights when he was caught up in the darkness of his mind.

“Because it wasn’t the life for me.” She manages to say softly. “I wanted to love, to feel without any consequences. I wanted to help people, but I knew I wasn’t cut out to help people how Jedi’s do.”

“Then why did you come back?” He takes off his helmet again, placing it at the foot of the bed before slowly getting on his knees.

The scene must look comical to any outsider, the feared Darth Vader on his knees for some random girl.

(Y/N) has to physically restrain herself from reaching her hand out by hugging herself and tucks her hands in her pits.

“This time I could help people properly. People were getting hurt and I could help them, why wouldn’t I?”

She was always doing that, wasn’t she? Always helping people even if it meant she had to do things she didn’t want to.

Vader wants to shake her shoulders, to shout at her that everyone’s selfish and just using her. To call her selfish for making him stay as a Jedi before leaving it all behind. But most of all, he wants to collapse in her arms and tell her everything, all the pain he endured and everything he had to do that he wouldn’t even think about telling anyone else.

He doesn’t even realise he’s deep in thought before he sees her moving to place his helmet back on, now half sitting on the edge of the bed near him.

“Va- Anakin.” She corrects herself before whispering whilst keeping her touch as delicate as possible. “I can see that you’re struggling to breathe.”

When his helmet finally does lock in place, Vader takes a few deep breaths. He had pressurised his room obviously, but he had to keep it just under his comfortable levels to make sure it didn’t affect (Y/N).

The words slip out of her mouth before she can stop them. “What happened?” They come out soft, but he can feel the hurt behind them and it makes his blood boil.

“How could you possibly ask that?” His modulator now booms his voice. “You saw how they were, they were the reason for her death and you even left!”

The mention of Padmè squeezes (Y/N)’s heart but she just furrows her brows.

“So all of that just justifies you killing millions of innocent people?” Her voice raises as well but he crosses his large arms across his chest plate.

“You don’t understand-”

“No, you don’t understand Anakin!” She cuts him off, now standing on wobbly legs. “You’re hurting people, people like me who just want to live!”

Standing in-front of him now, yelling at him without listening, reminds Vader of Obi-wan and he snaps.

“I AM VADER! ANAKIN IS DEAD!” His voice rattles the room and shocks (Y/N) to drop back down on the bed. “People like you? Don’t make me laugh.” A cackle gets cut off by his modulator, but it’s filled with coldness. “Your selfish, sitting around while people get hurt. You only care when they start to bother your own little world. Where were you when Padmè died? Where were you when I was getting hurt? You just want to help people to fill that pathetic hole in your chest, so don’t you dare think you can talk to me about any of this.” He sneers before turning on his heel and slamming the door behind him, leaving (Y/N) sitting their heart broken.

Looking down at her (S/C) palms, her body shakes with her sobs.

Anakin really is dead.

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A few days pass, maybe a week?

(Y/N) doesn’t kriffin know but she does know is that her body has finally recovered mostly, some wounds still need a few more days but there’s no risk of tearing anything open and she finally doesn’t feel nauseous and dizzy anymore.

Happy with her new found health, now the dreaded thoughts of what will happen to her finally sink in as her mind isn’t fogged up with pain.

Vader made it out like he hated her, he despised her life and even though she hadn’t seen him since that day, a storm trooper always came in with food and things she would need for the day.

It made no sense and she’s tired.

She left this life because she couldn’t handle it and now, she’s forcefully thrusted back in only to be caught up in more stuff?

(Y/N) never wanted this.

Standing from the chair, she walks over to the sliding door that was always locked and started banging. Like always, the storm troopers stationed there at every hour and rotating depending on shifts, called back asking what she needed.

“I want to talk to Vader, now.” Her snappy voice makes them hesitate, they had strict rules to keep her in the room and not to talk more than necessary and there were no rules to state that she couldn’t ask for the black armoured man himself, but they had seen how angry he had barged out of the room.

Finally giving into the demands, they look at each other before calling out they would send someone to fetch him and in a few minutes Vader himself was walking through the halls.

All troopers and anyone in the vicinity tense up and looks away but he ignores them before slamming the hatch open and locking it behind him.

“What do you gain from keeping me here Vader? What do you want from me? This is the last time I’m asking this and if you don’t answer me, I will do everything in my power to leave.” (Y/N) usual voice is devoid of any fun or sarcasm or tenderness as she gets straight to the point, not letting him even acknowledge her.

Taking a few steps towards from the wall, he leaves decent space between them both but still enough to keep a comfortable conversation.

“Do you really not know why you are here?” His modulated voice still startles the female but the anger in her veins smooth over that.

Crossing her arms, she leans onto her front leg. “How could I? You seem to hate my existence, yet you ordered for me to be taken cared of, but I’m not allowed to leave. You won’t even answer my questions.” Her arms come up and wave to emphasize her point but Vader just stares. He had forgotten how her little habits actually looked, he could never forget but the years apart had fogged up his imagery of the memories.

Finally feeling as if there is no other way to express himself, he just simply states. “I love you, that’s why you are staying here.”

(Y/N)’s mind reels so hard that she stumbles back, her ass landing right on the chair she had left untucked.

Shaking her head, (Y/N) feels like she’s dreaming because this couldn’t be real. “You- You can’t! You said it yourself, I’m selfish and horrible and you called me pathetic! You loved Padmé! How could you love me?” Tears start pouring down her face, but she doesn’t even realise as she looks through his armour and straight into his heart, trying to search for the Anakin she knew and, admittedly, loved, but she can’t find him and all she can see is a stranger.

Vader winces at her tears, it feels like someone is physically ripping his heart out when he sees her cry, but he just takes a deep breath before striding over and crouching.

“I’ve loved you since we were kids, but I didn’t realise until Padmé died that the love I felt for you and her are different.” His gloved hand comes up to wipe away a tear, a little rougher than he had wanted but he had never touched someone as delicately as he was touching her now.

Hiccups and whimpers leave her throat as sobs wrack (Y/N) body before she abruptly stands up and shakes her head. “This- This ca-can’t be happening.” Her voice cracks slightly but Vader just stands up aswell and grabs her arm gently to make sure she doesn’t fall.

“This is real, the faster you accept that the faster you can acclimate to your new home.” Again, Vader is a bit harsher than he had wanted but he had never thought about anyone’s emotions other than his own for years.

Ripping his arm off her, (Y/N) growls. “This isn’t my home, this will never be my home. You took me away from my home.”

She moves to run to the door but she gets yanked back by her waist and gets thrown onto the bed, the plush surface doesn’t do any damage but the fast movement disorientates (Y/N) enough to let him pin her legs down with his own and restrain her wrists with one of his own.

“It doesn’t matter if you tell yourself this isn’t your home because now it is.” The hiss that escapes his throat crackles horribly from his modulator, but he just presses her wrists down harder to make sure her (e/c) orbs focus on him. “You’re staying here weather you like it or not, so it’s best if you start faking it or the only person who’s going to be affected by your struggling is yourself.”

Her hiccups and tears return as she started into the damned black visor, Anakin had really died and left behind this love sick monster hu?

Closing her eyes tightly to block out everything out as her legs stop trying to twist away, the last though in her mind rings out before she finally stops struggling.

‘I’m sorry Anakin.’

#tw yandere #soft!yandere #soft yandere #chubby reader #darling core #Yandere vader #yandere Darth vader #yandere anakin skywalker #yandere #ask #cw yandere #soft yandere Darth vader #dark!anakin

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