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artemis32 · 2 months

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yandere superfam drabble i

listen, i have a ton of ideas for the batfam. really, i do. but come on. superfam.

dc masterlist

Thinking about Clark and his family as yanderes.

Individually, they're enough of a headache, but together? Damn.

Clark Kent sees himself as your father. The problem with him as a yandere is, he's genuinely terrifying. I mean, ignoring the fact that this man is literally Superman, he's also incredibly delusional.

I think most people downplay, or forget exactly how strong this man is. He's strong, fast, and so insanely smart. All that being said, there is literally zero chance of you avoiding him, under any circumstances.

The only saving grace in this situation is the fact that he's, like I said, delusional. Not in a 'oh, I know this is kind of wrong, but I can justify it as being right' kind of way. Rather, he wholeheartedly believes he's helping you, doing the best thing for you by allowing his obsession and thoughts of you overtake your life.

You don't even have the luxury of a slow descent into the situation. His mindset regarding you shifted really quickly, and by the time you were clued in on it, you'd already been stolen away to a farm in the middle of nowhere, ripped away from your life without warning.

The only aspect of his mindset that doesn't quite fit in with the delusional yandere archetype is the fact that, if you push the right buttons, he will absolutely fly off the handle. That in itself proves that, no matter how much he insists otherwise, he knows what he's done to you is wrong.

Jon Kent is a carbon copy of his father. He firmly believes that your place in life is with them, as a part of their family. The fact that you weren't born into the family means nothing to him. If you weren't meant to be with them, the your paths would never have crossed.

The only difference between him and Clark is that Jon has no doubt in his mind that what they're doing is okay. Clark is delusional; Jon is deranged. A part of you believes you can't really blame him - he's a child, a product of his environment. If that's what he was taught his whole life, by the people he loved and trusted, then of course he didn't see a problem with it. But the larger part of you still hated him, hated the fact that he saw you as the crazy one, as if his family hadn't abducted you from your crappy Metropolis apartment in the middle of the night.

And the fact that he was a few years younger than you didn't stop him from treating you like a child. Granted, he was insanely strong and fast, but that didn't mean you had to enjoy him manhandling you as easily as his father and brother whenever he thought you were getting too fussy.

Conner Kent, a few years your senior, isn't like Clark or Jon. He's completely aware of what they're doing to you, of how invasive and creepy it is. He just doesn't care.

I'd almost argue that him being fully aware of how wrong it all was might've been creepier than the shared delusion of Clark and Jon, especially since he could stare you dead in the eye, blank faced at the sight of your tears, and tell you in the most monotonous voice you've ever heard that he didn't care about what you wanted.

Besides a few uncanny moments with him, he was mostly pretty cocky and snide, with this keen way of getting under your skin. It's almost as if he revelled in the fact that you knew he knew they were wrong, the fact that he could do something to help you get away from all this, but he just... didn't.

The worst part was, if he hadn't, you know, kidnapped you, you might've liked him. He was easy to like, if you ignored the annoying sarcasm and ever-present smirk, the type of person you might've wanted to be friends with.

Too bad he spoiled all that by being batshit crazy.

Lois Lane, to her credit, was against the idea at first. She acted as the voice of reason in the family. Or, at least, she tried to. But the men in her family were nothing if not determined.

She realised how crazy, how morally wrong it was to rip someone away from their life for what you thought might be best for them. She also realised how terrified you'd be, surrounded by people, beings who were so much stronger than you, able to subdue you with little more than the tip of a pinky finger.

But, in the end, they won her over. The idea of someone to take care of, someone normal in the family - someone like her, and a daughter to boot - the offer was too sweet to pass up on. She's an odd mix of mindsets, a point somewhere between Clark's delusion and Conner's unwavering sanity, and that makes her scarier than the rest of them, somehow.

The fact that she knows it's wrong, but is able to convince herself it's for your own good - that's terrifying.

Though, she is great in the motherly role, acting as neutral ground for whenever one of the others overwhelm you past what you can reasonably handle. She seems to have a sixth sense for your threshold too, appearing as if out of thin air whenever you're close to snapping at one of the three men who are always in your hair.

Out of all four of them, you'd admit to liking her the most, though admittedly, it's for a selfish reason. She's the easiest person to slip by - the rest of them have super sight and hearing, and even if you could slip away, they'd catch up to you in a few seconds flat. Lois, as much as you may dislike her, was only human. Yes, she had this weird sense for when you'd try to pull something, but for the most part, you had more leeway with her than anyone else.

As a result, you stuck to her like glue, which lead to Jon whining that you were playing favourites. Jon, you could understand. He was a child, one who was used to getting his way most of the time. Clark, however, also tended to develop a strangely endearing pout whenever you ignored him, one that had even Lois caving and forcing you to spend time with someone other than her.

One thing all of them had in common was the fact that they were so damn clingy. They seemed magnetically drawn to you, hanging off of you like children at all hours of the day. It was infuriating, constantly having your personal space intruded upon.

Even at night, when you tried to sleep, you'd wake to find Conner or Jon sliding in beside you, or, even worse, you'd mysteriously wake up in Clark and Lois' bed the next morning. That always made you uncomfortable - how had they managed to move you several rooms down without you once waking up?

Your only saving grace was that all four had their own lives outside of the household, often leaving for work or school, or even patrols, so you very rarely had to deal with all four at the same time. Your favourite days were the ones when it was just you and Lois. You could slip away in the morning, right after Jon caught the bus to school, and spend the entire day away from the prison-like household.

They at least trusted you enough to let you roam around the farm freely. Well, not trusted, exactly. More like, they knew you couldn't get far before one of them caught up to you.

The perks of living in the middle of buttfuck nowhere.

On the bright side, they acted as if the entire household revolved around you. You could decide what everyone ate for breakfast and dinner, you could decide the 'family activity' of the week. They tended to give in to what you wanted pretty easily, on the condition that you gave them something in return, whether it be attention, affection, or some crudely handmade gift that wasn't worth much.

Despite their joyful front though, they could all be terrifying, especially Clark. You'd learnt that the hard way when they'd first taken you. One of them snapping usually only happened if you put yourself in harm's way, but there were other circumstances where they (Clark), felt punishment was warranted.

You'd once made the mistake of making genuinely hurting Lois (or, her feelings at least), to the point of making her cry. Once, and never again.

But since then, you'd learnt how to play your cards, how to skate by in the Kent household with only a small dose of anxiety. You'd managed to avoid being metaphorically (and literally) shackled to the bed, like when you'd first arrived. Time had made things easier - time, and getting to know them.

As much as you were loathed to admit it, getting to know them had made it easier to handle them. It'd been a hard pill to swallow originally, but as the months went by, you'd had to accept the fact that you weren't going anywhere, and it was better to adapt to the situation than remain sullen and miserable for the rest of your life.

They seemed to believe you were slowly but surely coming around to the idea of being a part of their family. You definitely acted like it. But deep down, you were biding your time, waiting, planning for the perfect moment.

You'd leave, run and hide, go to furthest corner of the earth to get away from them. You always thought you would, and one day, you did.

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mmushroomwriter · 1 year

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19,22,23 for the all the ROs if you don't mind 😀

I absolutely don't mind! From this list, feel free to request more! Also, this got really long so I had to put it under the cut <3

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

Luci avoids confrontation in most ways he can. In his life, he's been taught that it's usually easier and better for both parties if he just backs down from any sort of conflict. Due to [redacted] circumstances he's never been in a relationship, so it's never been a problem.

Katia has very specific ways of showing affection and if someone's not clued into them, she can easily be misunderstood as not caring. And no, but only because she's been too caught up in her work/mind to actually get into a relationship before.

Ettie tries not to actually grow actually attached to people, so she might get into a relationship, but she might not necessarily feel strongly towards them until a while in if at all. And although it has been the reason for a few break-ups for her, they were all only intended as short flings anyway and all of the endings were initiated by her - so I don't know if I'd call the relationships destroyed.

Osric and T actually have a very similar problem but in different ways - that problem being insecurity. Osric is always very hesitant to actually make the jump to going into a relationship but once comfortable enough in the fact that the other person likes him back, he'll relax a lot. He also has some hang-ups around PDA. T on the other hand absolutely CANNOT deal with any form of embarrassment or awkward situation, and so has a pretty big fear of rejection. This causes them a lot of stress, but like Osric, they'll relax once they're more confident that their feelings are mutual (although they'll probably take longer and retain more of that stress than Osric). It hasn't really destroyed any relationships for either (although T did once have to get Gisela to break up with someone for them because they couldn't bring themselves to), but there are many relationships that both could've had but didn't because of it.

Cass I mean, Cass's biggest relationship thing is that they are trying not to be in one as to keep everyone they care about safe, but ignoring that, it's probably the fact that they're terrible at expressing how they feel. It's either all bottled up inside never to be let out, or a big messy explosion of emotion. And again, they've never been in a relationship for it to potentially destroy.

22. What does your character like in other people? this is not a conclusive list for any of the ROs, and they will still like people that don't have these traits

Osric: honesty, a sense of humour, humanity and kindness (not necessarily a soft kindness that everyone can see, but the type of kindness where they can be wearing a fucking rad "scary" outfit and scowl at everyone, but they'll still wave back to a small child, or stop to feed a stray cat)

Luci: understanding, creativity, the ability to express themself and passion (it doesn't have to be for any of his interests, but he'd love for someone to be into fashion like him)

Katia: independence, a sense of pride for what they do, strong morals and curiosity (they don't have to be particularly smart or academic, it's more the pure want for more knowledge and understanding that she adores)

Ettie: spontaneity, a certain joie de vivre/zest for life, gratitude and trust in her (not only to do right by them but that she knows what she's doing for herself as well)

T: caringness, quick wit, humility - although they don't have to be super humble and a willingness to listen and work together

Cass: loyalty, open-mindedness, the ability to smile even in a tough situation and patience (especially because it'll take Cass a long time to fully trust in a person/situation being safe)

23. What does your character dislike in other people? this is not a conclusive list for any of the ROs, and they can still like people that have these traits also, obviously none of the characters are cool with bigots or anything similar, these lists are more annoyances to the characters than actual line-in-the-sand deal-breakers

Osric: a patronising stance towards him/his music/his beliefs, being overly judgmental, a feeling of superiority due to the art/music/media they like/consume and not acknowledging their privilege if coming from a privileged background

Luci: controlling nature, a short fuse on their temper, an obsessiveness around reputation (not appearance-wise but persona-wise) and carelessness (for both others and their interests)

Katia: strong optimism, chattiness, a need for constant/near-constant attention and dismissiveness towards her interests (they don't have to be interested, just not downright dismissive)

Ettie: an inability to move on, cynicism, being serious all the time and being overly cautious/the inability to be impulsive

T: argumentativeness, impatience, stubbornness and gullibility/the inability to figure out truth from fiction (A.K.A. they get annoyed by bad media literacy)

Cass: aggression, invasiveness (as in needing to know what's going on with everything all the time), quietness (this is literally just because Cass doesn't talk much, and if the other person doesn't talk much either, it's going to be way too quiet) and a lack of common sense

#answered!#anon #playlistsfortheendtimes #cass #luci #osric #t #katia #ettie #pftet #worldbuilding #ROs

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sou-ver-2-0 · 4 years

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Why calling it "logic versus emotion" makes sense

At the end of chapter 2 in Your Turn To Die, the player is forced to choose between killing Sou or Kanna. Kanna frames this as a choice between "logic" and "emotion," where saving Sou is the "logical" choice and saving Kanna is the "emotional" choice.

Personally, I love the writing in this part. I think it's the strongest writing in the whole game. However, since joining the YTTD fandom, I've read various posts from fans who don't like calling this a simple choice between "logic" and "emotion." For them, it felt like an emotional choice to save Sou, while it was a logical choice to save Kanna. After seeing this argument so many times, I decided to unpack my feelings on it. I also wanted to write my own defense of why calling this a choice between "logic" and "emotion" makes sense, at least to me. For me, it all comes down to how it’s written as a choice between two opposing worldviews, and I don’t focus on the little technicalities. I’ll also argue that the game is using descriptive language, rather than prescriptive language.

But first, we have to deal with a strange irony about this choice:

For the genre-savvy player, yes, it IS "logical" to save Kanna and "emotional" to save Sou.

Before writing anything about this choice, I need to acknowledge that Sara and the Player are two different people. They're obviously connected, and they inform each other's feelings and choices, but they still exist in different worlds. Sara is actually trapped in a Death Game. The Player is vicariously experiencing what it would be like to be trapped in a Death Game through a fictional story.

I'm not going to argue that Sara necessarily likes Kanna more than she likes Sou, and thus it is more "emotional" for her to save Kanna. It's possible to play Sara as someone who isn't that affectionate of Kanna, and she can act generously towards Sou. That's not the main issue here.

The issue is that the Player expects the fictional story to go in certain directions based on the morality of their choices, while Sara has no such meta expectations. The Player can reasonably expect to be rewarded with a happy ending at the end of YTTD if they make the "correct" moral choices. Saving Kanna feels like the "morally correct" choice on a gut level because she's a child, while Sou is an adult. So the Player may choose to save Kanna purely for logical reasons. They're not trying to be selfless or wise; they just want a reward from a videogame. And...they're not wrong! Immediately after saving Kanna, the player is rewarded with a cathartic scene with Joe, cluing us in to the idea that choosing Kanna is the "good path."

Meanwhile, if the Player saves Sou, they're saving him in spite of knowing that this could logically lead to a "dark path." You might save Sou because he's a fascinating character, or because you're curious what will happen, or simply because you think he's cute. These are all emotional reasons. Maybe you don't expect any "happy" rewards if you save Sou, but you still expect the story to be exciting with him around.

Speaking for myself, I want to see both the Kanna and Sou routes for reasons that are both emotional and logical. I sympathize with both characters, and I want to analyze them as they continue their arcs. I just think they're great characters connected to fascinating themes about humanity.

In other words, the Player is going to have all sorts of feelings about this choice based on the safety of their separation from the Death Game. It's only a videogame to us. We're not actually killing a child or a young man. We still feel sad about the story, but it's a safe sadness, one we can control. You can make your choice based on which type of tragedy is more interesting to you in the moment.

So that's how the Player experiences the choice, but what about Sara? Does it still make sense to call it a decision between "logic" and "emotion" for her? I would argue, "yes." First of all...

"Logic" and "emotion" are descriptive terms for the argument styles of Kanna and Sou, respectively.

Using "descriptive" terminology means that we attempt to classify language as it is actually being used. Using "prescriptive" terminology means that we dictate how we should be using language.

When Kanna calls this a choice between logic and emotion, you might have thought she was being prescriptive. You might have thought something like, "You can't tell me how I should feel about this." But I think Kanna was simply being descriptive of the language she and Sou were using. It's a fair assessment of their opposing argument styles.

Kanna argues that you should vote for her by appealing to your sense of logic. She eloquently makes the case that Sou has proven himself invaluable to the team with his computer hacking skills. He came extremely close to finding an escape route just before the second Main Game began. With more time, he could find another one. If he dies, there is no one else in their party with his valuable skill set. She also effectively weaponizes her own helplessness by arguing that she is a "useless" child. She states that dying for the greater good "is the only thing she can do." What I love about Kanna's argument is how she twists Sou's own words against him, since Sou has been using coldhearted logical arguments since the beginning. She shows how much she's learned from him, and she's even able to outsmart him.

Sou argues that you should vote for him by appealing to your emotions. He furiously makes the case that he is the most hated member of the team and that you should give into your hatred of him. He says that the choice ought to be obvious based on your feelings. He calls Kanna stupid. He keeps shouting "Stop!" and "No!" He waves his arms in despair. He resorts to threats and exclaims that he will never forgive anyone who votes for Kanna. Sou's argument is compelling because we have never seen him so vulnerable before. Even with his strong will to live, he has an even more desperate will to save the little girl he's grown to care for. It's devastating to watch such a man break down. After losing his previous eloquence, he is forced to bare his soul and pray that that is enough.

However, even with all that in mind, you could still argue on a technicality that some of Kanna's statements are emotional while some of Sou's statements are logical. For example, when Kanna says that she is useless, this reflects her emotional state since she has low self-esteem. And when Sou starts threatening people, it's logical to take his threats seriously.

But there's something deeper at work here than technicalities. There's still something at the core of their arguments that makes the choice to save Sou "logical" and Kanna "emotional."

At its core, this debate is about how to measure a human life's worth. Do you measure a human life based on how "useful" they are? Or do you recognize a person's worth based on their humanity alone?

This is a choice between two worldviews, which the story calls "logical" and "emotional."

In the logical worldview, you prioritize a person's usefulness over their humanity for the greater good. Also, you must be willing to use people like tools for the greater good.

In the emotional worldview, you refuse to reject anyone's humanity, even if it threatens the greater good. Also, you must accept that some moral causes are more important than survival.

If you vote to save Sou, then Sara prioritizes the greater good; theoretically, the group can use Sou to escape. But being willing to use Sou this way rejects Sou's humanity, because we would be using his talents against his will. For Sou, escape is not worth the cost of Kanna's life. Sara also rejects her own humanity by treating both Sou and Kanna as objects instead of people. Kanna is discarded as a useless object, while Sou is kept as a potentially useful one. This is why Sara guiltily calls this "the worst possible choice" when she makes it. And it's why Sou seems to care more about revenge than survival in this route; there is no meaning in a world where we must sacrifice children.

If you vote to save Kanna, Sara does so knowing it may be harder for the group to escape without Sou's skills. But she embraces Sou's humanity by allowing him to follow his heart. She also strengthens her own humanity by refusing to cross a moral line. This is why Sou actually keeps his will to live in this route and mounts a desperate escape before his death. Because there's still meaning in a world where Kanna is allowed to live. He still dies, but with peace and purpose, and having repaid Sara for freeing his true heart.

In any case, you may still disagree with the semantics of "logic" and "emotion" to describe these worldviews, though they work for me personally. I have one more point to address.

Is it really logical to save someone who threatens you?

At this point, I'd like to talk about the most logical member of the group, the character who immediately votes to kill Kanna: Keiji Shinogi.

You, the Player, may believe that Sou will get his revenge if he lives, because it would make a compelling story. And Sara, a high-school student, may be reasonably afraid of Sou's threats, because Sou has tried to hurt her before. Even though the text doesn't portray Sara as being afraid of Sou in this moment, I understand why the Player would fear for Sara's life. In other words, a logical reason to kill Sou is because you don't believe you can control him. How do you force an adult man to behave?

Enter Keiji Shinogi, who doesn't hesitate. Keiji is stronger than Sou, and he's wicked smart. He's confident in his own abilities. And he understands vengeance better than anyone. He doesn't underestimate Sou, who has outwitted him before, but he decides to accept the risk. Like Sou, Keiji has a ruthless will. I believe that one reason Keiji voted first was because he wanted to assure everyone that "your friendly policeman" would keep Sou in line. So even though Sara doesn't act afraid of Sou in this moment, Keiji is there to calm any hypothetical fears the Player has.

And Keiji commits to this role! In the beginning of Chapter 3, in the route where Kanna dies, the first thing Sou does is disturb the group peace. He puts on his "tough" mask and pretends that he never really cared about Kanna. In response, as everyone else is fidgeting nervously, Keiji laughs and calls out Sou on his bullshit. He eviscerates Sou emotionally, effectively putting Sou in his place and forcing him to be submissive, for now. It's Keiji's way of reminding Sou that they already know how weak he is, and Sou isn't going to get away with any tricks under Keiji's watch. Even if Sou's only "trick" in this case is to pretend he has any pride left.

From a storytelling perspective, I'm sure that these two will keep playing their power games, and Sou is likely to regain the upper-hand eventually. But from an in-universe perspective, Keiji looks like he knows exactly what he's doing in this scene, and Sou looks like a fool who better do what he's told. That is, if he doesn't want Keiji to skewer his heart in front of everyone again.

So where am I going with this?

My most generous interpretation of Keiji's vote is that he decided that Sou's life had value inasmuch as he could use Sou. After all, it's not like Keiji spared Sou out of compassion. Keiji just said that he hated Sou more than anyone he's ever known--and Keiji already killed someone else he hated. The harsher interpretation of Keiji's vote is that he fully expects Sou to die later due to his zero percent survival rate, which would make Kanna's presence technically more of a "threat" to Keiji's own survival. However, I prefer to think that Keiji was swayed by Kanna's brilliant defense of Sou's usefulness. That's because Keiji isn't a simple monster; he's a complex man who still wants to "serve and protect" the group...in his own way.

To follow in Keiji's footsteps and vote with "logic" means that Sara decides to trust Keiji's judgment. We know that Keiji is one of the smartest and strongest characters, in addition to being Sara's reliable ally. This is why I think it's still "logical" for Sara to save Sou in spite of his threats. Because Keiji is still there.

Conclusion

That's why framing the choice as one between "logic" and "emotion" works for me. I see it as a choice between two worldviews, one in which people are valued for their usefulness, and the other in which people are valued for their humanity.

I understand that the Player is going to have their own thoughts and feelings about this choice. Believe me, I was heartbroken too! I really wanted Sou to redeem himself and live. And I think Sara even feels the same way, since she pleads "Don't kill our ally!" when Safalin threatens Sou. It's still possible that Sou could redeem himself in the route where he lives, but I imagine it will be more important that the Player faces consequences for killing Kanna. But no matter what happens in Chapter 3, it doesn't change the fact that it looked possible in Chapter 2 for Sou's skillset to save everyone, and everyone was operating under that mindset.

I think that the writing in this game is stellar so I wanted to defend the story's framing. It surprised me to see folks who had reacted to it differently, but that's all part of the fun. It got me thinking about how interesting it is that the Player and Sara view things differently. It also got me thinking that what seems like a logical choice in the moment could feel like the wrong decision in hindsight.

Thanks for reading!

#yttd #your turn to die #sou hiyori #kanna kizuchi #sara chidouin #keiji shinogi #shin tsukimi #kimi ga shine #your turn to die spoilers #meta #mine #this is absurdly long haha sorry #sou and kanna #my meta

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prettywordsyouleft · 3 years

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The Cowboy - Part 8

Summary: Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all.

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

Genre: cowboy au / drama / romance / if you squint there’s some enemies to lovers up in here.

Warnings: Jung Jaehyun is a cowboy, need I say more? (a bit of angst and drama, and it sometimes might feel like you’re reading a Nicolas Sparks book, so I’m told lol)

Word count: 2426

This series will be updated every Thursday and Friday.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9

You were still fuming when you met up with June at the coffee shop an hour later. It wasn’t hard to genuinely smile at her when she waved you over, however, and you moved towards the table and took a seat across from her.

June smiled warmly. “I’m so glad you agreed to meet with me today, dearie.”

“It’s a pleasure. Thank you for taking time out of your day to spend with me. But what made you choose here over Blayne?”

“My sister runs the diner, as you know. I love her, but I’m certain she doesn’t remember the taste of real coffee. I sneak off here once a week for a proper brew.” You giggled with June as she reached out for your hand on the table and gave it a little squeeze. “Our little secret?”

“Definitely. As long as you allow me to join you for that cheeky coffee each week too.”

“It’s a deal!” June gave your hand another friendly squeeze. “I know you’ve figured out I’m not from Blayne by now.”

“You-you have?”

“You’re too smart to not have done,” she surmised and paused as the drinks she had ordered were placed down in front of you both. After thanking the clerk and taking a sip of her coffee, June smiled once more at you. “My husband doesn’t understand there are multiple types of coffee aside from white or black.”

“Wow! What about Jaehyun? I noticed he doesn’t seem to drink coffee much.”

June smiled knowingly. “I thought he might have been with you last night. That answers that puzzle then.”

“Huh? Oh no – I was just making an observation – I mean, well…” Rubbing the back of your neck as June chuckled, you grimaced. “Are you annoyed about it?”

“Goodness no! You’re the right type of person to show my son another side of life.”

“Me?” you asked, and June nodded. You smiled curiously. “Really?”

“You remind me of myself back in the day. I was arrogant and only saw one way of the world when my parents sent May and I off to our uncle’s for the summer. Our mother said it was time we learned about hard work.”

You didn’t know whether to say anything and awkwardly tried to reflect over the referral of being like her, and in the next sentence, she mentioned she had been arrogant. You worried if you had been as narrow-minded as Pierce was earlier when you pulled up at Blayne too.

Thankfully you didn’t need to say anything for the woman to continue. “I hated it, of course. There was nothing to do like I would in the city. Back then, there was even less than there is now. But we did have a theatre.”

“A theatre?! It’s not there now. Did it go out of business?”

June smiled sadly. “It was part of the loss in the fire we had. It’s such a shame. I have so many fond memories of that summer spent in the theatre.”

“Is that where you met Mr Jung?” you guessed, and the tell-tale smile across her lips urged you to lean forward in delight. “Did he romance you?!”

“He was such a charmer,” she told you, grinning brightly. “And I was a fool for a man in a cowboy hat. That smile of his sealed the deal.”

You giggled with her, the image of Jaehyun upon his horse this morning returning to the front of your mind and securing a similar fate for you as it had his mother. Your smile lessened as you grew intrigued. “How did you get used to living here over the city?”

“At first, I was grateful to be back home after the summer. We had agreed to write to one another whilst I was home, though that didn’t last for long. I found the city too busy after spending my days in the countryside for three months. I lasted until Christmas that year and begged my parents to let me move to Blayne and live with my uncle.”

“Did May go too?”

June shook her head. “She hates Blayne.”

“Really?!” you gasped and looked at June. “But--”

“Our parents moved to Blayne when my uncle lost his eyesight to take over the farm. What a nightmare that was. Had it not been for Avery’s father, who was a farmhand of my uncle, helping us, I think we would have caused the whole family to go bankrupt.”

“And now May and Avery’s father run that farm in your family’s stead?”

“Our parents are no longer on this earth. May did everything to convince her husband to leave Blayne with her to raise Avery in the city, but his roots are Blayne born. May then focused on building Avery up to believe the city life was for him, yet he’s back here again. My sister is convinced her life is cursed. Though, she loves being the center of the gossip in that little diner of hers.”

“You’re sharing so much with me about your life,” you mentioned hesitantly, and the older woman gauged your expression. You nodded. “I’m appreciative, you know. When I saw you weren’t originally from Blayne I couldn’t quite fathom it. I guess since I’ve never experienced love strong enough to pull me away from what I know, it seemed like a foreign concept.”

“And now?” June asked.

“Hm?”

“I’m asking how you feel now after being in Blayne for a month? I’m wondering if there’s something or someone here that might change that heart of yours.”

You didn’t answer verbally. With the way she smiled with satisfaction a moment later, you knew she had seen all she needed to know within your gaze. “How about you come over for dinner again tonight, Y/N?”

“You’re coming in early today, boys,” June greeted when Jaehyun and Avery found her in the kitchen, both of them kissing her on the cheek fondly.

You smiled weakly when Jaehyun’s surprised gaze fell onto your face. He then grinned lopsidedly. “What are you doing wrangling Miss City into your kitchen tonight, Mrs Jung?”

“Your mother is teaching me how to cook.”

“Making sure you can marry her off to one of the eligible Blayne men, are you, Aunt June?” Avery taunted, and you threw the tea towel you held at him. Avery caught it with glee.

“I wanted to learn how to make her infamous banana cream pie.”

“Because it’s someone’s favourite,” June mused, shooting her son a look. Jaehyun grinned knowingly and kissed his mother on the crown of her head before announcing loudly that he and Avery should wash up. Waiting for his cousin to leave the room, Jaehyun darted to your side and kissed your cheek in greeting, causing you to shoo him off with an embarrassed chuckle.

June was absolutely delighted. “That boy of mine is more of a charmer than his father. You have your work cut out for you, dearie.”

“You’re telling me,” you claimed with another laugh, focusing on slicing the bunch of bananas until the heat dissipated from your cheeks.

Dinner was playful this time. Jaehyun wasn’t nearly as silent and since he was seated beside you again, it allowed for him to secretly hold you under the table. Linking his fingers with yours, he pulled your hand into his lap and held it there fondly, running his thumb over your skin now and then.

Whilst June was clued on, it seemed her husband wasn’t. You weren’t sure why his approval mattered most to you, and further, did you even have much to be approved by the elder for so far? You didn’t know what to call the connection between you and Jaehyun. It wasn’t a seasonal love like June had begun with, yet you didn’t want to dismiss the growing feelings you harboured for her son either.

Jaehyun made you smile constantly and your insides warm. That was it.

Still, you worried that would be frowned upon by his father, your morning concerns quickly resurfacing. The last thing you wanted was to be seen as using anyone to your advantage by sleeping with them. That spoke nothing of your character or professionalism.

Once again, Mr Jung spoke to Jaehyun and Avery only about the farm. To you, he asked simple questions about the house you were staying in and made subtle suggestions about going back to the city.

You knew he was your biggest opposition to getting any work done in Blayne.

“Your first mission is to secure that land.”

Every time you went to speak about your plans in Blayne, Mr Jung changed the focus entirely and you felt hopeless up against the man. You were usually capable of working with the pickiest of clients back in the city.

Back in your jurisdiction.

This was the Jungs’ land, though. You were an outsider who didn’t have a place yet in this township. You were growing friendly with everyone on a basic level, but no one regarded your place here professionally yet.

“I was thinking about housing-”

“Did you check that the gates to the pens were locked?” Mr Jung cut in over the top of you and after looking at you, Jaehyun sighed and nodded.

“Yeah, Dad. Of course. Y/N was talking, though.”

“What about water? That darn well is busted again.”

“I covered it, Uncle. Don’t worry!” Avery answered and you lowered your head, feeling defeated tonight.

“Y/N,” June called and you shot back up to look at her, the woman smiling warmly. “Come help me with the pie, won’t you?”

Discreetly letting go of Jaehyun’s hand, you excused yourself from the table and followed June into her domain. She got out the bowls and spoons and handed them to you. “Darling, don’t try and bring up that conversation at the table. Whilst I love my husband entirely and know of him only as a good man, he won’t listen to you. The dinner table is a place where he discusses light-hearted things or constantly nitpicks over the boys and their efforts for the day. I’ve tried to change him, but as his wife of thirty-some years now, I can’t say I’ve done a good job.”

“I don’t feel he gives me a lot of credit for my position here, understandably.”

“Still, he should give you the respect you deserve. Let’s do business during day hours, dearie. I’ll help you plan a meeting with him when you’re ready to present whatever it is. I can’t say he’ll be supportive or accept your proposal, but he will listen to you completely.”

“You’re amazing. You know that?”

“I’m just a mother. And I can’t help but take care of all those who come my way. Whilst you’re here in Blayne, you let me know of anything you might need me for. I’ll be there.”

“Your father doesn’t like me, much,” you admitted softly, as Jaehyun drove you home later that evening. You had left your car at your place when June had encouraged you to come home with her earlier in the day, and now you realised why she was insistent on you travelling with her.

You smiled at the thought of Jaehyun’s mother planning for him to take you home tonight, even if your heart felt heavy.

Glancing at you briefly before returning his gaze to the darkened road, Jaehyun smirked. “My father doesn’t like me much, either. Don’t let it get to you.”

“Surely, he does.”

“Only when I do something for him on the farm. I was a bit of a troublemaker in my past, so he’s been harsh on me ever since.”

“What did you exactly get up to?” you asked, interest piqued. Jaehyun’s lips split into a toothy smile, but he didn’t respond. “Come on! You knew how to budge open that window!”

“I also knew where your keys were that whole time,” Jaehyun confessed, and you frowned.

“Wait. What?”

He grinned. “I took them out of your pocket when you leaned over to me from Roger’s back. Mostly because they were slipping out of it and I wanted to keep them safe.”

“Then why didn’t you just open the front door like a normal person would?”

“So now I’m not normal, huh?”

“Is it a Cowboy thing?” you wondered, flustered with the change of events.

“I guess I wanted to make you fall into my arms sooner than fate was setting us up for,” he admitted with a shrug, and you rolled your eyes. Jaehyun reached into his jeans’ pocket and held up the keychain, dangling it.

Taking them from him, you grumbled. “I was seriously fooled by you!”

“I’ve been a fool for you since you arrived. See us as even, Y/N.”

“You can’t just charm me like that when I’m frustrated with you!”

Pulling the truck to a sudden stop in the middle of the country lane, Jaehyun looked over at you. “You’re frustrated with me?”

“Well, shouldn’t I be? You knew where the keys were all this time! I was worried about how to bring it up to your mother that I lost them!”

“Keys can be replaced.”

You nodded. “I know, but-”

“If you could go back to that moment where you were fumbling around in your pocket and panicking, knowing full well if I gave them to you that what we’ve bared between one another already wouldn’t have happened, would you still wish I gave you them damn keys?!”

Staring at his expectant gaze, you lurched forward, grabbing the collar of Jaehyun’s t-shirt and tugged him until his lips found yours. It was heated, and you moaned when your arm hit the steering wheel as Jaehyun reached to pull you closer. Tongues now entwined, the passionate embrace didn’t stop until both of you were out of breath.

“Well?” Jaehyun prompted, resting his forehead on yours as he sucked in a deep breath.

“Just hurry up and take me home, Cowboy. But this time, take me through the front door.”

Jaehyun smirked as he put the truck back into gear and started to drive down the road again. “So I can have you pressed up against it once it’s closed?”

“Your mother warned me that you’re a charmer. If only she knew just how wicked you were for my heart.”

“What we do behind closed doors is none of my mother’s business, Miss City. But if it takes me carrying you over that blasted threshold to make you happy tonight, I won’t miss a beat in pulling you out of this cab with me.”

_________________

Part 9

[NCT Masterlist] | [Main Masterlist] | [Request Guidelines]

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zhydoesart · 5 years

Text

Pick-up lines only work when I’m drunk

summary: A beautiful stranger tries to hit on a drunk, oversharing Logan in a bar and it goes slightly south.

ships: Analogical

warnings: drinking and intoxication

Edit: whoops, forgot to mention, I had a friend pick a prompt from this list as well as a ship, and they picked #43, which I used as a title as well as prompt. It was supposed to be a drabble but it just kept going.

AO3

“Another one,” demanded Logan. The barkeep, whose name was Ken or maybe Keith, nodded, refilling his drink.

As Logan took a large gulp, he was vaguely aware of someone sliding onto the barstool next to him.

“You look familiar, didn’t we take a class together? I could’ve sworn we had chemistry.” The voice was lower than Logan’s own, the tone carrying a casual nature that seemed somehow false.

Logan didn’t look at the man as he downed a shot glass. “Listen, sweetheart, pickup lines only work when I’m drunk, and I’m not quite there yet. Give me another five minutes and I’ll get back to you on that.”

The stranger let out a low laugh in a pitch that made shivers run down Logan’s back. “But did I get the teacher thing right?”

“Like most people, you assumed.” Logan stared down into the empty bottom of his glass. “But yes, you were correct.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what do you teach?” This guy was showing far too much interest in Logan, but he didn’t really care. As far as he was concerned, it had been too long since anyone had been into him.

“I’m a college professor, I teach Astronomy, and, more often than not, I fill in for the Physics professor. He doesn’t come in to work a third of the time because he’s ‘sick.’” Logan emphasized the finger quotes.

“Sounds like a pain. So you don’t think he’s really sick?” The Stranger shifted in his seat, and Logan snuck a glance at him. Looked about his age, purple-dyed bangs that fell over his forehead and slightly into his dark eyes. He had the kind of eyes that bored straight through your facade right into your soul, mused Logan drunkenly. Damn pretty eyes.

“Of course not. Who’s sick that often? If his immune system truly was that poor at fighting off infections, he’d be dead by now.” Logan shoved his glass back towards Ken-or-Keith. “Another.” The bartender gave him an ‘if you’re sure’ look that was clearly supposed to imply that whatever happened next would be Logan’s fault. “Another.” Logan watched his glass fill up.

The Stranger watched Logan intently. “Did you… come here with a friend?”

“Like whom?” Logan gestured around wildly, drink sloshing in his hand.

“A date?” Logan shook his head. “Sibling? Cousin? Hey, look, I’m just trying to make sure you can get home safely.”

“I’m not going home tonight.” Logan swirled around his drink before downing another shot. “Planning on going home with someone else.”

“Like who?” inquired The Stranger. “Got anyone in mind?”

“I don’t know. Someone.” Logan had barely finished his sentence when his eyes closed and he swayed dangerously. The Stranger had just enough time to catch him before he fell.

The Stranger, whose name happened to be Virgil, looked around helplessly for a moment, aware of The Teacher’s weight in his arms. He turned to Ken-or-Keith.

“I’m gonna take him home.” Ken-or-Keith nodded understandingly, and Virgil proceeded to haul The Teacher roughly to his car. He was grateful, especially now, that he’d never been one for drinking.

Once The Teacher was secured in the passenger seat, Virgil went through his pockets, feeling mildly guilty as he did so.

Aha. A driver’s license--Logan D’angelo, 26 years old, which meant he was two years older than Virgil. He had a name now, but nothing in Logan’s pockets clued Virgil in on where he lived.

“Logan?” Virgil called, shaking him by the shoulders. “Logan?” he tried again, but got no response. He sighed. “Guess you are coming home with someone else tonight.”

Logan woke up the next morning fully clothed in someone else’s bed, head throbbing. He fumbled around for his glasses, finding them on a nightstand next to the bed. Stiffly, he stood up. Where… was he? He didn’t recognize this apartment at all, and he couldn’t recall the events of the previous night. Had he slept with a stranger?

Uneasily, he walked down the hallway towards what he assumed was the kitchen. Someone was... whistling?

A purple-haired man was standing next to the stovetop, wearing an apron, holding a pan with a pancake, and whistling what sounded to Logan, with his infinitesimally small knowledge of emo music, to be Bring Me to Life by Evanescence.

Logan cleared his throat, and the man looked up.

“You’re finally up, Sleeping Beauty?” His grin did nothing to improve Logan’s mood; if anything, his teasing tone and demeanor only served to piss Logan off. He’d had his fair share of students with that cocky attitude, and every one had caused him nothing but trouble.

“Where am I, who are you, and what happened last night?” Logan questioned, firmly sticking to his current objective: Gather Information.

The man snorted. “You’re certainly different sober.” Logan’s mood soured further, and it must’ve been evident in his face, because the man hastened to answer. “Sorry, sorry. This is my apartment, my name’s Virgil. Last night I tried to flirt with you in a bar, you were drunk and collapsed a few minutes in. I didn’t know where you lived, so I had to take you home with me. I hope you’re grateful, by the way, elevator’s still broken so I had to carry you up three flights of stairs myself. Don’t worry, pretty boy, we didn’t do anything; I slept on the couch last night.”

Logan felt the tension leave his shoulders. “If you drove me here, then where is my car?”

‘Virgil’ artfully flipped the pancake, not looking at Logan. “I left it at the bar.”

“Wonderful.” Logan slumped where he stood.

“It’s fine, I can drive you back later,” suggested Virgil. “But I’m not going anywhere until I’ve had breakfast, so I don’t suppose you want to eat with me, since you’re going to have to wait here anyway?” Logan wasn’t convinced. “I have coffee.” Okay, now he was convinced.

Breakfast was uneventful for the most part, if Logan ignored the casual flirting perpetrated by Virgil. He had no need for any such thing–at least not sober–so there was no reason to accept the compliments or, shudder, flirt back.

Before long, Virgil and Logan had gotten into Virgil’s car to begin the drive back to the bar run by Ken-or-Keith.

At one of the longer stoplights, Logan became aware of the thoughtful way Virgil was gazing at him.

“What?” he snapped. If this near-stranger was still attempting to flirt with him…

Virgil blinked. “Sorry, hadn’t realized I was staring. I just…” His thumb nervously tapped the wheel as he idly watched the traffic light sit on the red color it had been for the past few minutes. “Before I was just flirting for the sake of flirting, ‘cause, if you hadn’t noticed somehow, I’m a flirty person. But, uh, I just noticed that you’re kinda pretty.”

Logan was torn between ‘just noticed?’ and ‘only kinda pretty?’ so instead he settled on, “Thank you, I suppose.”

But Virgil wasn’t quite done. “And if you’re an Astronomy/Physics professor, you must be smart too.” Logan was sure Virgil was purposefully avoiding looking his way. “Not a lot of people out there like you, especially not in random bars, and God, I must’ve seemed like a real prick this morning. Sorry about that.” Was that a faint blush across Virgil’s lightly freckled cheeks?

“That’s alright,” answered Logan, taken aback by the honesty of Virgil’s statement when he’d been right, Virgil had come across as a prick. His entire demeanor seemed different now.

The rest of the drive was silent, and when they pulled up in the parking lot outside of the bar, Logan found he was slightly disappointed. He unbuckled his seatbelt and reached for the doorhandle, but hesitated.

“This is your stop,” informed Virgil uncertainly. Logan didn’t move to open the door.

Logan gave in to that somewhat irrational instinct. “Give me your phone.” He held out a hand, and when Virgil didn’t respond, wiggled his fingers. “Phone.”

“Okay…?” mumbled Virgil, pulling his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it before placing it in Logan’s hand. Logan did several things Virgil couldn’t see, typing something in before handing it back to Virgil.

Virgil didn’t look at the screen until he’d seen that Logan had made it safely back to his own car. Tentatively, he peeked at the screen, and laughed.

His phone displayed a new contact under the name ‘Logan,’ complete with a phone number. Guess last night hadn’t been a total waste after all.

-----

taglist:

@moxiety-my-love @whispers-stuff-in-your-ear

#sanders sides #sanders side fic #sanders sides au #Analogical #ts analogical #logan sanders #ts logan #virgil sanders #ts virgil

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letters-from-the-three-houses · 5 years

Text

initial fe3h students (+ some teaching staff) headcanons roundup

with all the students out, i can finally make this post! for context, i made very early hcs for all the students way back in march to see how many i got right/wrong. at this point, all we knew from the students were what we saw in the 2.13 direct, so a lot were incorrect but i surprisingly didn’t fail too badly!

long-ish post so it’s under the cut

black eagles: [personality headcanons] + [surname speculation]

edelgard - terribly wrong; i thought she’d be more headstrong and hot-headed (à la hector), but cool and strict works for her too! [0]

hubert - correct! i’m impressed i got his role as eddie’s bodyguard right, and his personality wasn’t too far off the mark. i was wrong about his surname though [1]

dorothea - kind of? i directed her admiration to the wrong person (eddie instead of manuela) but she’s still bubbly and sociable. a bit exaggerated though, so i’ll give it a half mark [0.5]

ferdinand - vain jock? yep! again, i was wrong about his relationship to eddie, but i was right that he had a one-sided rivalry with someone [1]

bernadetta - yes! not much to say; i got her well [1]

caspar - our resident shounen protagonist. i’m super happy i got his bromance with linhardt correct! made him out to be more of a troublemaker than a justice warrior, so that’s another half point for me [0.5]

petra - hard to say?? the profile doesn’t say much about her personality, but she seems hardworking and serious. i can’t tell though, so i took her off from the final grade [n/a]

linhardt - wrong? he’s not a total nerd, but he likes crest research. i thought he was diligent though so that’s off haha. but i guessed his surname right!! [0; 1]

personalities: 4/7 (petra not included) + surnames 1/7 (eddie not included)

blue lions: [personality headcanons] + [surname speculation]

dimitri - not bad! i got the hardworking part plus the oxymoronic personality. he looks like the ice king, but he’s actually just a softie. half point! [0.5]

dedue - wrong, but i was right about how he’s mistaken as intimidating when he’s actually not. i don’t think that’s enough to give me a half mark though [0]

felix - our navarre archetype. got him pretty spot on, all things considered [1]

mercedes - the mom friend™ haha, it was the side ponytail that clued us all in, was it? [1]

ashe - hard to say from the jp profile alone, but the uk facebook page describes him as enthusiastic and earnest! so it’s a hit [1]

annette - righto! bright and cheery [1]

sylvain - i thought he’d be like a more aware kaze (he knows how popular he is with girls but is still cool and calm), but he’s more like sain lol. i’ll give him a half mark for touching upon his dependable, older brother type personality [0.5]

ingrid - looks right all around!! super proud of myself for thinking she’s the catria type bc her canon class seems to be pegasus knight! [1; 1]

personalities: 6/8 + surnames 1/7 (dimitri not included)

golden deer: [personality headcanons] (*no surname speculations)

claude - really, really, really right! insightful, smarter than he looks, and fun [1]

lorenz - got his relationship with claude correct at least, plus his flamboyant character? half point [0.5]

hilda - so wrong. so, so, so wrong. if claude was exactly on the mark, hilda was me shooting at the opposite direction [0]

raphael - yep! soft, big teddy bear [1]

lysithea - hahaha no. she joins hilda on the other side [0]

ignatz - not bad?? i’m honestly surprised i pegged him as a hobby enthusiast. his personality seems different from what i imagined, but he is a nice kid [0.5]

marianne - nope! not as terribly wrong as hilda and lys, but the trajectory’s still pointing wayward [0]

leonie - i got her kind of right! she definitely seems street smart because her profile says she’s an aspiring mercenary. pretty good! [1]

personalities: 4/8

others (i.e. manuela + hanneman): [personality headcanons]

(*sothis and jeralt are hard to say because there isn’t a lot of mention of their personalities, but sothis seems sassy and all-knowing)

manuela - i guess so?? i’m not sure what her profile means by ‘crude side’, but i got the fact that she’s a) good at taking care of others and b) takes a shine to byleth correct [1]

hanneman - calm guy? check. really into his research? check [1]

personalities: 2/2

grand total: 16/25 (64%) for personalities + 2/14 (14%) for surnames

surnames were a struggle, especially since i thought all of the eagles and lions would be nobles, so i’m impressed i got two right

as for personalities, i was most accurate for the lions; the only one i didn’t get close to was dedue. eagles weren’t too terrible. shockingly enough, i got about half of the deer right despite their very short screen time, though a lot of them are just part marks

all in all, not a bad run! byleth would be pleased to know i passed one of the tests, at least

#fire emblem three houses #fe16 #fe3h #edelgard von hresvelg #black eagles #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #blue lions #claude von riegan #golden deer #manuela casagranda #hanneman von esser #misc #prerelease

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not-close-to-straight · 6 years

Text

Stetsons and Schoolteachers (Two)

SAS MASTERLIST HERE

Enjoy!

********************

“Mr. Carbonell, I heard you punched the Mayor!”

“Miss Williams, I can assure you that I did not in any way come close to punching the Mayor.” Tony didn’t turn from the blackboard. “Not only is Mayor Thompson a leader in our community and a well respected Alpha, but even if he did deserve to be punched, violence is not the answer to disagreements, so I wouldn’t have hit him.”

“He’s lying.” A very confident Riri whispered to Mary-Anne. “Your brother told me that Mr. Carbonell put Mayor Thompson on his as--”

“I’m fairly positive you won’t be finishing that sentence, will you Miss Williams?” Tony called over his shoulder, and the girl made a zipping motion over her lips. “And I’m also sure that Harley isn’t spreading falsehoods about me containing profanity, are you Mr. Keener?”

He whipped around and sent Harley a look. “Hm?”

“Uh, no sir, Mr. Carbonell.” Harley mumbled. “Jus’ repeatin’ what I heard is all.”

“You were only repeating what you heard.” Tony corrected. “And what you heard is incorrect. In no way, shape or form, did I lay Mayor Thompson out on his fully deserving, overly arrogant, Alpha ass.”

The class exploded into laughter and Tony let it go for a minute before clapping his hands to settle them back down. “Now then, today we are working on our maths, because all of your homework was frankly, atrocious and--”

“What does atrocious mean?” Maria, who was all of eight, asked curiously.

“It means somethin’ about flirting.” Ned answered matter of factly.

“It does not have anything to do with flirting.” Tony wrinkled his nose at the young man. “Who told you that, Mr. Leeds?”

“My ma says that th’ way you were carryin’ on with the Sheriff in his office was atrocious. Said flirtin’ like that weren’t proper, specially not with you bein’ a school teacher an’ all. So i figured atrocious meant flirtin’.”

“Um--” Tony’s eyes widened, as did every child’s in the room. “Um, Mr. Leeds, I--I--”

“Mr. Carbonell.” Peter raised his hand. “Are you sweet on the Sheriff?”

“Ew! The Sheriff is a big gross Alpha, who wants one of those?” From Michelle, who couldn’t be bothered to even braid her hair, much less keep quiet over anything she found to be annoying.

“He’s not gross!” Liz shot back, elbowing her friend. “He’s practically dreamy.”

“I dunno about dreamy.” Peter muttered with an uncomfortable look at his long time crush. “Besides he’s old.”

“You sound jealous, Pete.” Harley flicked a pencil at Peter, who swatted it out of the air and threw another one right back.

“My pa says it's good the Sheriff likes Mr. Carbonell!” another student piped up. “Says the Sheriff’s been cranky because it's been too long since he buried his--”

“ALRIGHT!!.” Tony cleared his throat loudly and clapped his hands again. “Alright, children, thank you for all of those opinions, but a discussion involving Sheriff Rogers has nothing to do with arithmetic, so let’s try and focus on--”

“He’s too upset about what you said about him flirting to correct your grammar.” Peter whispered loudly to Ned. “Maybe he is sweet on the Sheriff!”

“ARITHMETIC!” Tony nearly shouted, and when all the children swiveled to stare at him, he cleared his throat and tried again. “Arithmetic. Please write the sums on the board five times each, turning your paper over onto the corner of the desk when you are finished, and enjoy a few minutes of quiet reading. Ms. Allen--” Liz perked up. “You are in charge while I step out for a moment.”

Tony waited until the class had settled down and was studiously copying their sums before slipping out the back door and up the stairs that led to his living quarters about the school.

He splashed some water on his face, took a quick nip of whiskey and tried to calm the flaming red blush currently taking over his face.

The last thing he needed was the children talking about Sheriff Rogers, about his good or bad qualities, and speculating as to whether or not Tony was sweet on the Alpha.

He was certainly not sweet on Alpha Sheriff Steve Rogers.

And the rather explicit dreams he had last night were only a result of meeting Sheriff Rogers in the wake of a rather tense situation.

Just a weird transference of the emotions from his run in with Mayor Thompson. Somehow all of that intensity had been...shifted… onto his first impressions of the Sheriff and had resulted in some spectacular surprising dreams that of course had unsettled him, and led to his fairly embarrassing reaction in front of the children.

That’s all it was.

A weird… transference.

Yep.

**********************

“Sheriff Rogers.” Natasha cut such a striking figure coming down the stairs that every person in the saloon turned to look but she only had eyes for the Sheriff, ignoring the low whistles and outright leering from the rest of the bar patrons.

“Natasha.” Steve stood to his feet and doffed his hat, smiling down at the petite Omega. “How are you?”

“Doin’ just fine, Sheriff.” Natasha had to stand on her toes to hug him, because even in heeled boots, she was nearly a foot shorter than him. “It’s nice to have you home. Your deputies have been keeping the law, but the word order doesn’t even come close to describing the pack of coyotes you have working for you.”

“Noted.” Steve said dryly, and held her chair while she sat, looking away politely from the expanse of skin that showed when she crossed her legs. “Things have been relatively calm, then?”

“Positively boring.” Natasha assured him, and motioned towards the bar so one of the serving girls would bring her a drink. “How was the trial?” Steve grimaced, and Natasha’s green eyes dimmed in sympathy. “I know it wasn’t easy taking Rumlow back to face justice, but you know that man was rotten to his core.”

“He didn’t used to be.” Steve offered a quick smile to the serving girl when she set a beer down for him as she handed Natasha a whiskey. “Time was I could trust Rumlow more than anyone besides Bucky.”

“Maybe.” Natasha tossed the whiskey back in one go. “But men have been betraying other men since the dawn of time. I would have been more surprised if the bastard hadn’t betrayed you.”

“You never liked him.”

“I never liked him.” Natasha touched the still red scar on her upper thigh, a thin line that was all that was left of a knife wound courtesy of Rumlow as he had tried to stall a posse by taking her hostage. “But I’m still sorry for your loss. I know he was your friend.”

“Yep.” Steve ran his fingers through his hair. “Right up until he was swinging in the wind.”

“Hm.” Natasha waved for another bit of whiskey. “So, onto better topics then. Tell me, my dear Sheriff, have you met our new school teacher?”

“I--”

“Oh he met him alright.” Valkyrie brought the whiskey over this time, setting the glass on the table and bending over to give Natasha a long kiss, wiping a smear of red lipstick from the corner of Natasha’s mouth when they parted. “In fact, Sheriff Rogers got to meet the school teacher during the weekly dust up with the mayor.”

“Oh no.” Natasha looked away so it wasn’t so obvious how much she wanted to laugh. “Walked into a shouting match, did you?”

“Yes.” Steve clenched his jaw. “Yes, I did, and I am not happy that my deputies were doing nothing about it.”

“Tony got in a fight with Mayor Thompson the first day he came to town.” Natasha recalled. “Something about how Mayor Thompson spoke to one of the children? He was too harsh, and Tony got in his face and yelled at him to back off. He had no idea who Thompson was of course, but once he was informed that he was in fact yelling at the Mayor, I’m pretty sure that mouthy Omega just yelled even louder.”

“It was wonderful.” Valkyrie took Steve’s empty bottle with her as she left. “He’s a handful, that one. Keep your wits about you, Sheriff. He won’t be an easy Omega to court.”

“I don’t need--” Steve groaned. “Why does everyone keep saying things like that? I had four different people stop by the office today to welcome me home and tell how well they thought Mr. Carbonell and I would match. I have no intention of matching with our new school teacher.”

“Why not?” Natasha raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. “Is he not pretty enough for you? Because I have seen Omegas come and go in my business, and he might be one of the most visually pleasing I have come across.”

“What?” Steve frowned. “No, it has nothing to do with his looks. I have nothing bad to say about his--”

“I see, it’s because you think he isn’t smart enough?” Natasha interrupted. “Because I speak with him almost every day and I’ve heard that he tutors the older children in Latin. Latin, Sheriff Rogers, how is that not intelligent enough for you?”

“Natasha, I never said--” Steve spread his hands helplessly. “I never said anything like that!”

“He’s an Omega,” Natasha let her eyes drop to Steve’s lap in a very pointed look. “which means there is no reason your biologies aren’t compatible.”

“Uh no, no our biologies are-- I mean yes, our biologies are compatible, but Natasha--”

“Is he too old?” A judgmental frown. “Sheriff I didn’t take you for the type to need an Omega just into legal age but if you are so concerned with his ability to provide you with children--“

“What? NO!”

“Ah, then he is too young, is that it?” she nodded in understanding. “You need someone more experienced to satisfy you?”

“Um--” Steve was completely lost, mouth open as he stared at the other Omega. “Why--What-- Wh--Wh--”

“Is it because he’s outspoken?” Now she was obviously trying not to laugh. “Because shame on you for expecting an Omega to be seen and not heard. Living in Wildrock this long should have clued you in to the fact that we prefer our Omega--”

“I never said--!”

“It's his hair, isn’t it? Wears it all unruly and curly, no Sheriff Rogers you are definitely an Alpha who prefers himself and his mate clean cut, hm?”

“Natasha, you are blowing this way out of--”

“Oh, it’s because you are looking for a roll in the hay and he is the kind of Omega you bond with, I see.” A wise nod. “Sheriff, if you are that desperate, I am happy to direct you to my best girl--”

“Natasha!” Steve banged his hand down on the table. “It is none of those reasons!”

“Well then why don’t you like him?!” Natasha snapped, smacking her hand down as well. “You have no reason to be rejecting him!”

“Rejecting him? I’m not rejecting him!” Steve retorted loudly. “I barely know him at all! I have no opinion either way!”

“You think he’s boring?? How could you not have an opinion?!”

“Why are you interrogating me!?”

Silence in the saloon then, as people turned to look at the sudden shouting match erupting between the Sheriff and the Madame.

“Why Sheriff.” Natasha took a calm sip of her whiskey. “Why on earth are you so defensive? Could it be that you already are harboring feelings for our new school teacher?”

“Absolutely not.” Steve said instantly. “Other than our initial meeting yesterday, I have had no interaction with Mr. Carbonell, much less an interaction that would facilitate any sort of--” he swallowed nervously. “--feelings, either favorable or not, for any of those reasons you just gave.”

“Hm.” Another sip. “Sheriff, you have picked up a remarkable way of speaking since your time back east. Been listening to those fancy lawyers, have you?”

“Damn it Natasha.” Steve finally grinned, relaxing into his chair now that he knew Natasha was only messing with him. “Why do you do that to me?”

“Because you are the biggest Alpha I’ve ever seen who is so easily flustered by a pretty Omega tossing questions your way. Heaven help you when Tony turns that wicked wit of his on you, you’ll be left speechless and wondering which way is up.”

“Thank you for that.”

“Tell me honestly.” Natasha finished her whiskey and leaned across the table. “What do you think of him?”

“Why does it--”

“It is my job to spot a lonely person, Sheriff Rogers.” She interrupted. “My entire career and that of my girls depends on lonely people, and you are about the loneliest man I have ever had the misfortune to meet.”

“Misfortune?!”

“And you are only surpassed by our dear Mr. Carbonell, because those are the loneliest, saddest brown eyes I have ever seen.”

“...oh?”

“Yes.” Natasha nodded decisively. “Yes. And misery loves company, isn’t that right? Perhaps together the two of you won’t be quite so lonely anymore.”

“The entire town is meddling, trying to set me up with the school teacher.” Steve muttered. “What did I do to deserve this?”

“At least my meddling ends with you smiling, hm?” Natasha patted at his shoulder as she stood. “Think about it, Sheriff Rogers. And welcome home.”

“Um, thank you.”

***************

Happy joined Steve shortly after the sun went down, calling for a drink and retrieving his deck of cards so they could play a round of poker.

No less than fifteen minutes later, the deputies tromped through the door as well, yelling for dinner and drinks and crowding around the table, bickering over whether or not to use real money to bet, since apparently last time Clint had taken both Bucky and Happy to the cleaners, walking home with half their paychecks jangling in his pockets.

“Sam cheats with him!” Bucky insisted. “It’s a scam! Clint doesn’t even know the meaning of a poker face, he has the worst bluff and the easiest tell and somehow he still won!”

“Accusing a man’s mate of cheating is fightin’ words, Buck.” Sam drawled, holding a very satisfied looking Clint tight on his lap. “I’d be real careful if I were you.”

“Oh please.” Bucky snorted. “You two are a pack’a weasels and--”

He stopped talking when Natasha swept through the dining room, her comparatively chaste gown from earlier traded for a lacy, ruffled number that stopped above her knees in the front, showing off long legs and knee high boots, and trailed the floor behind her as she walked.

Her collar was buttoned to her chin, and from the neck up she looked as if she had just come from church, which contrasted almost alarmingly with the amount of skin she was showing below.

All in all she made a fantastically dramatic picture, and Bucky was instantly reduced to a stammering, stuttering mess.

“Uh--uh--uh-- evening ma’am.” he snatched his hat off, crushing it between his hands nervously. “How does today find you?”

“Deputy Barnes.” Natasha came to a stop in front of the big Alpha, looking up at him with a smirk that was borderline indecent. “Always a joy to find you here at my door. How are you?”

“Just fine, ma’am.” Bucky said with wide eyes, pushing a piece long hair out of his eyes before adding, “You look beautiful, if I may say so.”

“And you are always a treat for my eyes.” she replied easily, hands on her hips as she watched the Alpha blush and smile. “Gentlemen.” she raised her eyebrows in Sam and Happy’s direction, bussed a kiss onto Clint’s cheek-- “pretty Omega.” and went on her way, heading over to visit a few of her girls that had already secured their dates for the night.

“I love when she calls me pretty.” Clint grinned and snuggled back into Sam’s lap. “Bucky baby, you breathing?”

“Nah, it always takes him an hour or so to get his mind right after seeing the Madame.” Sam chuckled, tossing a card down onto the pile. “Bucky, when are you just going to ask her to step out with you? You know she likes you.”

“I dunno.” Bucky flopped back into his seat, placing his crumpled hat back on his head. “Working the way she does means she’s nice to every fella who smiles at her.”

“Maybe.” Happy shrugged and lay down a card of his own. “But she doesn’t smile at anyone the way she smiles at you.”

“You think?” Bucky sighed wistfully in Natasha’s direction. “That’s an Omega I’d love to come home to at the end of the day, you know?”

“Yep.” Clint snatched at Bucky’s sandwich. “Yep, we know. You’ve been mooning over her since you and Steve came to town. We know.”

“Speaking of--” Sam raised an eyebrow in the Sheriff’s direction. “You have been real quiet tonight, Sheriff, what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Stevie.” Bucky grunted and kicked at the other Alpha’s chair. “Go on.”

“It’s nothing!”

“Stevie--!”

“He’s all bent outta shape because Tasha took him to task for not going after Tony.” Valkyrie interrupted, bringing them another round of drinks and running her fingers affectionately through Clint’s hair. “Pretty Omega, how are you?”

“Doing good.” Clint grinned up at the Beta. “How are you?”

“Wishing you and your mate--” a pointed look at Sam. “would come by sometime so we could spend some time together, hm?”

“Valkyrie.” Sam rolled his eyes and tightened his arm around Clint. “I am not letting you have alone time with my Omega.”

“Who said I only want it with your Omega?” she wiggled her eyebrows and started laughing when Sam choked on his drink. “And Sheriff Rogers, I’m inclined to agree with Natasha. There’s no reason someone as lonely as you shouldn’t at least make an attempt to get to know Tony.”

“Mr. Carbonell and I--”

“Mr. Carbonell?” she interrupted. “Mr. Carbonell? Why don’t you call him Tony?”

“Uh, he was informed that Tony only lets people he trust call him Tony.” Bucky spoke up, finally over the nervousness from talking with Natasha. “So, to Steve, he is Mr. Carbonell.”

“My god.” Valkyrie made her eyes purposefully wide. “That must be making you crazy, you being our trustworthy Sheriff and all.”

“It’s fine.” Steve said through gritted teeth. “And y’all need to leave it alone.”

“Uh oh, he’s starting to get that weird twang he gets when we’ve pissed him off.” Happy sighed and started dealing another round. “Everyone just shut up and play, huh? I didn’t work all day to gossip over cards like a bunch’a women. Let’s go.”

Steve breathed a sigh of relief when everyone went back to the cards, and let the matter of him and one very specific Omega drop.

He would talk to Mr. Carbonell in his own time.

No one needed to know he hadn’t stopped thinking about the Omega since that rather interesting first meeting yesterday.

No one needed to know he had been up half the night dreaming about the Omega either.

Nuh- uh. No one needed to know that.

********************

It was late, the poker game winding down when the doors to the saloon opened again and the deputies heard Valkyrie call out, “Tony! I thought you were going to stand me up tonight!”

“Of course not.” Tony leaned across the bar and kissed the Beta right on the lips. “How are you, Valkyrie?”

“Better now.” she winked at him and poured him a drink. “How are the little gremlins?”

“Children aren’t gremlins, Valkyrie.” The Omega sighed. “They are darling--”

“--obnoxious--”

“--bright eyed--”

“--nosy--”

“--yes, nosy.” Tony admitted. “Nosy children who repeat everything they hear whether they should be hearing it or not.”

“Something specific that the children are repeating?” she asked curiously. “Something that has you all hot and bothered and showing up late for our weekly Tuesday night chat?”

“They think--” Tony cleared his throat and closed his eyes for a second. “They think that I am sweet on the Sheriff for some ridiculous reason, and apparently all of their parents also agree that--” he squinted at the Beta. “Why are you grinning like that?”

“No reason.”

“Valkyrie--”

“Don’t look.” Valkyrie reached over to straighten his shirt collar. “But the Sheriff is heading your way right now.”

“Or for the love of--” Tony took a large swallow of his drink and tensed as he caught a hint of the Alpha’s scent, something smoky and warm and altogether tantalizing.

Nope. Nope. Don’t think that.

“Mr. Carbonell.” Sheriff Rogers spoke from behind him, and Tony turned with a carefully neutral smile, masking his less than neutral thoughts.

“Sheriff Rogers. Evening.”

“Evening.” Steve removed his hat, nodding his head politely. “How does the day find you?”

“Exhausted.” Tony said bluntly. “And yours?”

“Ah-- busy.” Steve answered hesitantly, thrown by the Omega’s short answers and aloof demeanor. “Law and order and-- and all that.”

“Of course.” Tony kept watching him, obviously waiting for Steve to continue their stilted conversation.

“So.” Steve shifted his weight awkwardly. “So. It was suggested that I make you acquaintance again, since our first impressions of each other might not have been all that… stellar.”

“Suggested.” Tony repeated. “By whom?”

“Uh--” Steve glanced behind him, and Tony leaned over just in time to see all four members of the poker game as well as half a dozen other spectators quickly turn around and go back to their drinks, suddenly talking loudly.

“Oh.” Tony finally smiled, shaking his head with an exasperated sigh. “I see. You have been heckled into talking to me, just like I was heckled into talking to you?”

“Someone has been heckling you?”

“All of my students parents have rather strong opinions as to how I should conduct myself around you.” Tony grinned, and Steve blinked at the how wonderfully it transformed the Omega’s features. “Sheriff Rogers if I didn’t know better, I’d think this entire town has matchmaking in their set of skills.”

“Mr. Carbonell, I can tell you with all certainty that you are correct about that.” Steve said dryly, offering a smile back. “So then, this is me attempting to meet you again, hoping that this one will be a better first impression, and that it is enough to keep my deputies off my back.”

“It’s nice to officially meet you, Sheriff Rogers.” Tony said formally.

“Likewise, Mr. Carbonell.” Steve put his hat back on. “Now that all that is out of the way, could I buy you a drink?”

“Like the one I have in my hand?” Tony held up his still mostly full glass. “Or…?”

“Right.” Steve blew out a deep breath. “Well, are you hungry? I would be happy to buy you dinner?”

“It’s ten o clock at night.” Tony’s dark eyes were sparkling with amusement. “Do you make a habit of only eating after the sun has set?”

“Um, no. Nope.” Steve was starting to feel foolish. “Nope, I don’t. Sorry, it's been a long time since I’ve tried to--”

“Since you tried to what?”

“Since I tried to--” Steve shut up before he said court someone. “Since I tried to get to know someone knew.” he finished lamely. “I’ve been in Wildrock for some time so I know everyone, and before that I was--”

“In the Army.” Tony supplied. “I know.”

“You asked around about me?” Steve asked and wanted to melt over the faintest blush that settled high in the Omega’s cheeks. “About my life back East?”

“I didn’t ask.” Tony hedged, knowing he sounded as if he was lying-- probably because he was lying. “But this is a small town, people talk.”

“Like they are talking right now?” Steve grinned and the blush got a little darker. “I’m sure everyone in here is thrilled that we are having a conversation.”

“Yes, the gossip mongers should have plenty of fodder for their cannons tomorrow, won’t they?” Tony groaned. “Carry a shield in the morning, hm? Otherwise you might be felled by their arrows of speculation.”

Steve laughed out loud and Tony looked up in surprise. “Felled by their arrows-- what? Why would you say it like that!”

“Myself and the older students are learning about the Persian Army.” Tony explained sheepishly. “I’ve been using lots of war analogies in my speech lately.”

“Adorable Omega.” Steve teased, the words slipping out before he meant to, and the smile fell right from Tony’s face. “Uh, I mean-- I didn’t-- uh, don’t take that the wrong way.”

“I appreciate the offer for a drink.” Tony seemed to withdraw a little, his expression cooling. “And your ill timed if not generous offer for dinner. But Sheriff Rogers, despite the gossip, I am not looking to be paired with an Alpha in any way, shape or form, and that includes being called things like adorable by Alpha’s such as yourself.”

“Um, my apologies, I wasn’t trying to--”

“I’m sure you didn’t mean to say it.” Tony held up his hand to stop Steve’s apology. “And there is no offense taken, but I prefer people don’t refer to me as some pretty thing to be put up on a shelf and looked at, I can assure you that even though I am an Omega, I am in no way in need of anything.”

“Um--um--”

“And don’t feel too badly.” Tony tossed back the rest of his drink. “I won’t hold it against you. It’s nothing personal, I’m sure you and I will be great friends. Unfortunately, I have no use for your--” those devilish eyes dropped towards Steve’s lap. “--I’m sure, more than considerable charms. ”

“More than considerable--!” Steve’s face went bright red. “Mr. Carbonell--!”

“Sheriff Rogers.” Tony grinned and put some money down on the counter for Valkyrie. “Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

It took a full five minutes before Steve made it back to the poker table, slumping into his seat with a puzzled expression on his face.

“How’d it go?” Bucky elbowed him. “He was smilin’ when he left, that’s good, huh?”

“I’ll be honest, Buck.” Steve ran a hand over his face and picked his cards back up. “I have no idea how that conversation went. That Omega is--- is surprising.”

“He likes you.” Clint said confidently. “I can tell.”

“Yeah? Which part clued you in? When he turned down Steve’s drink, or when he walked out leaving Steve lookin’ like a fish outta water, opening and closing his mouth like that?”

“Thank you for that.” Steve shot a dirty look at Happy. “Are we playing or what?”

“I’m telling you he likes you.” Clint maintained. “Just give him some time, he’ll come around.”

“Hopefully Steve learns how to carry on a regular conversation before that happens.” Sam cracked up laughing. “Did you really offer him dinner? The moons up, Sheriff! What were you thinking?”

“I think that’s quite enough.” Steve threw a handful of coins into the pot and yelled for another drink. “That is quite enough from all of you.”

“Oh sure thing, Sheriff.”

“Yes sir.”

“Definitely.”

Silence for a few minutes, and then Happy-- “What’d he say to make you blush that hard? You looked like a damn tomato.”

Steve shoved away from the table with a growl and stomped out of the saloon.

“It's true love.” Clint said, calmly laying down a few cards. “I’m telling you. There will be wedding bells by spring. Definitely true love.”

********************************

#ncts fics #stony #western au #alpha!steve #omega!tony

429 notes · View notes

kumkaniudaku · 6 years

Text

Love Sick.

A/N: Throwback CoCo and Chadwick to distract all of us from the mess. Pure fluff. It’s almost too sweet. It’s a mix of @skysynclair19 ‘s singing request.

Word Count: 3,901

New Jersey (2003)

When you made the decision to relocate to the Northern region of the United States after receiving your Bachelor’s degree from Howard University, you were immediately warned about the brutal winters. Initially, you brushed off the cautionary tales. You’d survived four Washington, D.C. winters and it could drop to as low as 20 degrees in Lithonia. You considered yourself prepared when you packed a few cute leather jackets, hats and scarves for your extended visit. New Jersey and New York was not ready for the invasion of CoCo and Chadwick.

Your first winter up North was hell.

You couldn’t recall a day when your nose wasn’t plugged with mucus and you weren’t hacking up a lung in your tiny apartment. Somehow, Chadwick remained in perfect health and would often tease you on the phone when he heard how stuffy you were.

“Maybe I can finally get some peace when I come over there since you can’t talk.”

When you emerged from the damp dungeon of perpetual sickness, you vowed to properly prepare yourself. Saving your money and soliciting help from your parents, you purchased the appropriate attire and household items to survive Northern living. So, when Winter 2003 rolled around, you traded in your light jackets for full blown coats and gloves. Your bathroom cabinet was stocked with medicine just in case you got the sniffles, your flu shot was up to date and Granny’s chicken soup recipe was tucked safely into the spiral bound family cookbook you put together during your last trip home.

Chadwick, on the other hand, refused to prepare. He was determined to prove that the flu shot only made you sick and was a way for the government to target poor people of color in inner cities.

“Why would I let them inject me with the flu? CoCo, be smart. This is genocide.”

So it didn’t surprise you to hear his stuffed and raspy voice begging you to allow him to stay with you over the weekend to hold on to tradition. Every other weekend, he would commute to your neck of the woods and sleep on your couch Friday-Sunday, to spend time with you. When he wasn’t sprawled across the black microfiber sofa, you were taking his bed in New York while he made space on the floor.

“Aaron, you can’t come over here! You’re gonna get me sick too.”

“Then we can be sick together. Please, let me come. Who’s gonna take care of me like you?”

That’s all it took for you to wash the spare comforter you had in the closet and prepare the living room for your guest. Three lazy knocks on the door and a chesty cough gave away your visitor’s location, stopping your cleaning and sending you to invite him in.

“Got damn. Boy, are you okay?” The words you had planned were replaced when you opened the door and got a good look at him. His usually excited eyes were tired and red from a lack of sleep. His shoulders sagged under the weight of his coat and he shook lightly while leaning against the door frame.

“It’s nice to see you, pain in the ass. Can I come in?”

You stepped aside, pulling the duffle bag from his hand and placing it behind the door once you kicked it closed. He immediately began to peel off his layers, leaving him a t-shirt, sweatpants and a pair of tube socks.

After pouring a cup of orange juice and handing it to him, you sat on the coffee table to get a better look at his face.

“How do you feel?”

“Like you need to turn the air off. I’m freezing!”

“Chadwick...the heat is on.” You corrected, motioning to the thermostat that was on a warm 78 degrees. “Lean forward.”

Following your instructions, he leaned forward into your hands as you felt around his face to gauge his temperature. As you suspected, he face and neck were burning up, cluing you in to his medical condition. His dramatic ass had the flu.

“What is it? Am I going to have to go the hospital, CoCo?” He questioned, following your every move as you stood up and walked down the short hallway to your room. He was hot on your heels, bombarding you with questions. “Please, don’t make me take anything. Just let me sweat it out on the couch. I promise I’ll be quiet.”

“Get your ass off my bed, boy. Take those clothes off.” You instructed with your back turned to him while looking through your toiletry stash.

His ears perked up at your request, feeling a rush going below the waistband of his pants. Had the day he’d been dreaming of finally showed up? He would’ve gotten sick years ago if that’s all it took to get you to straddle his lap and make the face he imagined you’d make.

When you turned to look at him, he was down to his underwear, preparing to pull the sheets on what he assumed was the side you didn’t sleep on back.

“Nigga, why are you doing that?”

“I thought-” Your curious look instantly made his face heat up at the misunderstanding.

“Take this soap and go take a shower. I’ll have some clothes in here for you when you’re done. Your towel and washcloths are in their normal spots. There’s some lotion in there too because…” Your voice trailed as you motioned toward his bare legs.

“Why do I keep letting you talk to me like this?” He mumbled, pulling the unopened package of Dove soap from your hands and heading to the bathroom down the hall.

“Because I’m the only person crazy enough to still be friends with you after all this time.”

“No, it’s because I like to eat and you keep feeding me. You put something in your spaghetti. I can’t believe you trapped me like that.”

“You’re stuck with me forever, Boseman!” You laughed as he rolled his eyes and shut the door to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes and several R&B songs later, he was emerging from your bedroom in a new set of clothes, fresh from a quick cycle in the dryer to warm them up a little. Once he lazily made his way to the couch, he was greeted with a hefty dosage of Theraflu, Vick’s Vapor rub for his chest and a cup of hot tea.

“CoCooooo!”

“No, you won’t ‘CoCo’ me! Come over here and sit down.” Reluctantly, he drug his lean body to the couch, flopping down dramatically and slightly turning his head away from you. “Aww, the baby doesn’t want to take his medicine.”

Your mocking did little to deter him as he rolled his eyes and continued to sulk.

“I am a man.”

“You acting like a boy. Let me at least take your temperature. We might not need all of this.”

He looked at you from the corner of his eye to determine your level of sincerity. Batting your eyelashes, you returned his glare with your most charming smile and a rub of his knee. Finally, he caved in, taking the time to stretch across the couch and wait for you to work your magic.

Your squeal of approval was met by an annoyed look before he parted his lips slightly to allow you to insert the thermometer. You both eyed the digital display, anxiously awaiting the results. A quick series of beeps preceded the eventual reading: a temperature of 103 degrees. He groaned loudly, knowing that he would have to listen to whatever you said.

“Oh hell no! Sit up and take this medicine.”

“But, CoCo!”

“Don’t make me say it again! C’mon now.” The southern black woman hopped out of you, thickening your accent and forcing your hand to your hip. It only took a stern look for Chadwick to sit up and hold the medicine cup to his lips, gagging at the taste of the liquid coating his mouth. A cough followed, prompting you to hold the tea mug to his mouth for him to take a sip and calm down. “Are you feeling sleepy?”

“Yes, mother.”

Rolling your eyes, you directed him to lay down so that you could prepare him for bed. He watched you with a faint smile while you spread the blanket over him and placed the remote to the television nearby.

“Okay, last thing and I’ll leave you alone for the night. Lift up your shirt.”

You carefully scooped a liberal about of vapor rub out of its container to smooth it against your palms. Your soft hands took their time, rubbing the product against the center of his chest, feeling the way he heart seemed to speed up to unsafe levels.

“Calm down, Aaron. Relax. You can’t get better until you rest a little.”

Your eyes flickered to his that were transfixed on your fingers and the way they danced across his chest. He knew the act was innocent but he couldn’t help but think about having this moment for the rest of his life. He’d been with plenty of women, but none like you.

He’d said I love you, sometimes without meaning it, but he never felt this type of love. The kind of love that showed him a wife and a couple of kids clinging to his legs when he came home. The kind of love that made him want to tuck you away in his apartment while he worked his ass off to provide for you. The kind of love that made him want to pull you onto his body and show you just how deeply he felt for you. He was in love and he didn’t know how much longer he could be around you and pretend he only wanted to be your friend.

“All done, jackass. Drink the tea before it cools down to clear up some of that congestion. Come knock on my door if you start to cough again. You should be asleep soon.”

“You’re not gonna stay with me?” He questioned, latching onto your hand. “How will know when I need more medicine?”

“Because you’ll come find me like you do when you need anything else. Good night, boy.” You swiftly pulled your hand from his before shutting off the light and retreating to your bedroom.

Stevie Wonder could see the sexual tension between you two but, you’d long convinced yourself that he wasn’t interested and any indication otherwise was a genuine slip up on his part. Peeling your body from your door, you trudged to your bed to try and sleep through the constant coughing and sneezing of the man you loved.

Sleep didn’t come easy for either one of you but, when it did, you weren’t happy to be startled awake. Looking at the digital clock on your nightstand, 3:53 AM transitioned in 3:54 as another round of knocking commenced.

“What the hell?” You asked, snatching the door open and finding Chadwick drowsily standing in the doorway. “What do you want? Do you know what time it is?”

“I can’t breathe, CoCo. Can I come in here with you so you can make sure I stay alive?”

‘What? No! Let me give you some more Theraflu and then you can go back.”

“Pleaseeeee?” He begged. “I already took some before I came in here and did the Vicks thing. Please, just let me sleep next to you. You don’t want me to die on your couch, do you?”

A sleepy stare off commenced between his dropping eyes and your tired orbs. Sighing, you stepped out of his way to allow him to enter the room, closing and locking the door after him. Like a child, he excitedly moved to the other side of the bed, throwing back the sheets like he’d done earlier and making himself comfortable.

You took your original spot, laying on your back to watch the ceiling fan spin in circles. Not only was going back to sleep in timely manner impossible, you were afraid that closing your eyes would restart the sexy dream that you were enthralled in, conveniently starring the beautiful man beside you. He wasted no time taking your position as an opportunity to throw his upper body on top of yours, positioning himself on his stomach so that he could lay on your clothed chest.

“The big baby likes to cuddle I see.” You teased.

“Yeah, whatever. Nobody is cuddling yo ass. Your pillows are too soft and I need to prop my head up. All this room you got on your chest, you should be thankful there’s finally some weight on it.”

You kissed your teeth and pushed his head in an attempt to get him off of you. He held on tight until you gave up, preferring to play with his ears to keep your mind occupied. He hummed at the sensation, closing his eyes and listening to your steady heartbeat.

“Don’t fall asleep, negro! I’m already hot with you on me like this. Go to your side!”

“Get over it.” He answered in a deep and slurred grumble, using his arms to anchor your waist to his body and prevent you from moving.

Just as he was content with having your fingertips trace patterns behind his ear, you liked knowing that he was comfortable and sleeping peacefully. Oddly, his body rhythmically breathing against yours and light snores coming from his stuffed nose lulled you to sleep soon after.

_____________

“I’m checking for you, boy, you’re right on time. Angel of mine.” Your voice meshed with Monica’s as the radio sitting on the kitchen counter played her album. Your soprano was the perfect match to her chorus while you danced around the kitchen, dropping ingredients into the pot of chicken broth bubbling on the stove. “Last night, the way you moved is still on my mind. Angel of mind.”

Somehow, you were able to escape the hostage situation Chadwick had you in to tip toe into the kitchen and get breakfast started. You knew he’d be upset that he had to eat soup while you enjoyed pancakes but he’d get over it once he tasted it. Your singing drowned out the bedroom door creaking open and Chadwick stepping out to find you.

He stopped at the end of the hallway to silently observe you twirling around the cramped space, pulling spices from the cabinet like a Southern Disney princess. He’d seen you do it plenty of times before, but never while singing. He’d actually never heard you sing, the way you echoed Monica’s rifts and run making him smile. He wanted to keep listening, but his coughing betrayed him and pulled you from your trance.

“Don’t stop.” He coaxed, taking a seat on one of the wooden stools at the counter. “You sound good.”

“Yeah, right. Your ears are clogged. You hearing funny.”

“I’d be the first one to come in here and tell you to stop if you couldn’t sing. Keep going. The song’s almost over.”

Nervously, you looked between the radio and Chadwick before shaking your head and returning your focus to the stove. “I’ll pass on that one. How do you feel?”

Though he wanted to, he decided not press the issue. “Fucking terrible. My throat is sore, my body hurts, I’m hot and then cold and I keep coughing.”

“Then let’s try and get you feeling better. Taste this.” Instructing him to open his mouth, he allowed you to feed him a bit of soup. “How’s that?”

“Amazing. I wish I had an appetite.” He frowned.

“Chadwick Aaron Boseman with no appetite! You really are sick.” Turning off the stove, you made a beeline for the living room to grab the medicines that were still in their spots from last night. “It’s time to go full force with this. Here’s more Theraful, I’m gonna grab my peppermint oil and rub that on you and you need to get some socks on your feet.”

He stared at you while you pulled him to a standing position and led him to the couch. “Can’t we just go back and lay down. I just wanna go to sleep.”

“No, no, no. I’m responsible for getting you better and that’s what we’re gonna do. Mrs. Carolyn would kill me if she found out I was just letting you sleep it off.” The heaviness and heat of the comforter being thrown over him was a welcomed feeling that he didn’t want to admit to.

Just as quick as you’d left, you were back with a small bottle of peppermint oil and rubbing it on his neck, chest and soles of his feet before sliding socks onto them. When you returned with a glass of orange juice and a bowl of soup, he was drifting into sleep.

“C’mon, Aaron, you need to eat.” You announced, squatting in front of him and handing him the bowl. He was back to putting on a show, feebly reaching out to grab the spoon and shaking his hand to send droplets of the hot liquid sputtering around the rim of the bowl.

“You gotta feed it to me, CoCo. I-I...I’m too weak.”

“You full of shit, that’s what you are.”

He smiled at your joke, knowing that you would give up and feed him. Staying true to form, you continuously lifted the spoon to his mouth, feeding him he steaming contents of the bowl until there was no more.

Soon, he was back to sleep again, head pressed against the flannel pajama pants covering your thighs and mouth ajar to regulate his breathing. In short intervals you were able to go shower and clean the kitchen until he noticed your absence or requested your presence. A final check of his temperature indicated that his fever was finally gone and his appetite was beginning to pick up.

Still, he insisted on acting like a child.

“CoCo,” he croaked, wrapping the blanket around his entire body like ET in the bicycle basket. “Can you come warm me up?”

“No.” Your answer was flat as you continued to ignore him, using a ladle to put soup into tupperware for him to take home later.

“But, I’m so cold. I need you!”

You looked across to the room to find him exaggeratedly shaking his body in a comical shiver. “Aaron, stop.”

“Brrrrrr! Don’t let me freeze.” The DVD version of ‘Blue Streak’ played in the background as he continued his antics. “C’mon! Watch the movie with me. Your favorite part is coming. I can see your goosebumps from here.”

“If I do it, will you shut up?”

He made a zipping motion across his mouth before opening one side of the comforter to invite you in. You indulged him, sliding into the spot beside him and allowing him to close the blanket and trap you by his side.

Blue Streak turned into Training Day and a new sitting position, his back pressed against your stomach while he watch Denzel intently and let you play in his hair. Not paying attention to the 500th viewing of the movie, you quietly hummed Floetry’s ‘Say Yes’ to pass the time.

“You know, you should just sing to me if you’re gonna hum.” You looked down to find him already looking at you expectantly. He wasn’t going to let up this time.

Taking a deep breath, you closed your eyes and continued to nervously play with his hair.

“There is only one for me. You have made that a possibility. We can take that step to see if this is really gonna be. All you gotta do is say yes, don’t deny what you feel, let me undress you babe. Open up your mind and just rest, I’m about to let you know, you make me so, so, so, so, so,so, so, so....”

Your singing stopped as you slowly opened your eyes to see his toothy grin looking back at you. “Eh, I’ve heard better.”

“Oh, shut up!” You laughed, pushing his head. “I told you I’m not that good.”

“You sound amazing, CoCo. I’m just being an asshole.”

“What else is new?”

A short shared laugh preceded silence as the movie filled in the gaps for a long stretch.

“How do you know if you’re in love?” He asked, not bothering to look at you.

“I don’t know. My mama says that you just know. Nobody has to tell you. You feel it more than you feel anything else.” A hesitant pause didn’t stop your next question. “Are you in love?”

He thought for a moment before answering. “I think so. I’m feeling something.”

“Don’t rush it. God don’t make no mistakes. If you and whoever it is are supposed to be together, let it happen naturally.”

Accepting your words, he allowed the conversation to end. A forced round of TheraFlu sent him back into a medicine induced coma but not before he was pinning you to the couch under the weight of his body while he slept. You smiled at the image of the overgrown child needing to be held in order to fall asleep. You didn’t know if was the illness or delusions from the medicine but, you enjoyed being there for him and silently prayed that you’d be able to do this for the rest of your life. Unfortunately, whoever he was in love with would get to enjoy these moments after he was nursed to health and back in New York.

______________

The morning sun peeked through the blinds of the living room sooner than you hoped for, ending the semi-girlfriend charade. Breakfast was eerily silent as was most of the early afternoon. Both of you seemed to be lost in thought until Chadwick announced that he needed to start his journey back home to finish up the work he had to put aside.

Standing at the door, he adjusted his coat and scarf with your help.

“Keep taking the medicine and don’t be afraid to stay home an extra day if you still feel a little weak. Your health is more important than that job.”

“Yes ma’am. Anything else, wife?” He joked, grabbing his bag from your hands. You ignored the butterflies in your stomach and rolled your eyes.

“Eat the soup and drink some green tea NOT sweet tea. Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do. I’ll call you when I get settled.”

You nodded in agreement, reaching around him to open the door. He made it into the hallway before turning to look at you. “See you next week?”

“Of course.” Shy smiles were exchanged, prolonging the good-bye. “I hope she loves you back. Send me an invite to the wedding?”

Shaking his head, he chuckled to himself, confusing you. “You won’t be needing one, CoCo! You’ll already be there.”

“As part of the wedding party? Can I wear suit too?”

Your excitement made him smile as he turned on his heels to start his trek down the hallway. He made sure that his voice traveled behind him to answer your question.

“Whatever you want, girl! Whatever you want.”

__________

TAGS: @njadont @k-michaelis @wakandanmoonchild @idilly @texasbama @afraiddreamingandloving @inxan-ity @daytimeheroicsonly @thiccdaddy-mbaku @onyour-right @brianabreeze @sisterwifeudaku @ironsquad @killmongerdispussy @90sinspiredgirl @killmongersaidheyauntie @willowtree77785901 @maynardqueen101 @heyauntieeee @halfrican-heat @purple-apricots @lalapalooza718 @blue-ishx @profilia @ljstraightnochaser @girl-wtf-lmao @dramaqueenamby @royallyprincesslilly @melaninmarvel @lavitabella87 @purplehairgawdess @unholyxcumbucket @airis-paris14 @uhlxis @oshasimone @maliadestiny @drsunshine97 @cozyshack2 @zxddy-panther @queentearra @skysynclair19 @wakandankings

#chadwick boseman #chadwick boseman imagine #chadwick boseman fan fiction #chadwick x reader #chadwick boseman x you #black panther fics #black panther fan fiction #black panther fiction #black panther #black panther fanfiction

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aqrosie · 6 years

Note

My favorite thing ever was when someone asked what EC shalaska loved about each other so if it’s not too much trouble can you do that for tattletale shalaska? 💕💕💕

No trouble at all! I love that ask too 💘

Alaska loves:

• How fiercely protective, loving and devoted Sharon is to Aquaria, just like any mother, but it’s so beautiful to witness. Alaska is the same with Cracker, but the fact that either of them have enough room in their hearts after their daughters to love each other is an honour for the both of them.

• How she’s both hard and soft. She’ll get firm and argue with clients on the phone while bobbing Cerrone on her hip while she paces the house/office. She’ll complain about how tired she is from work but meticulously stone yet another dance costume of Aquaria’s in bed with her glasses on lit only by a lamp.

• How gracefully she handles her past. Alaska gets so furious and upset whenever she thinks about it, but Sharon always calms her down and looks back on the events with so much wisdom and maturity. If that never happened, she never would have moved and met Alaska and Cracker. And Alaska is just always in awe of how she can be like that and is always truly inspired.

• How Sharon’s always willing to learn. She isn’t vocal about it but she watches tutorials for everything to help the girls and the house; how to cook whatever dish has been requested, how to sew this type of thing, a beginners guide to Karate, you name it. Even when the girls get older Sharon will school herself on whatever they’re learning for history or maths so she can help them with homework and be involved.

Sharon loves:

• How damn kind Alaska is. She doesn’t let people walk all over her, but people like Detox will always throw a backhanded compliment her way and Alaska handles it with such grace. She’s wise and knows those things come from a place of jealousy and insecurity, so she doesn’t let it get to her. She oozes confidence but not in a cocky way, it’s just inspiring and Sharon loves how their girls are growing up with a similar attitude, to just be and love yourself.

• How creative Alaska is. She’s an artist and she’s always writing down ideas, hatching plans, working things out and something beautiful is always created in the end. She always has good ideas, but in general has a ‘heck let’s just give it a go’ attitude, and it balances Sharon’s overthinking and analytical side nicely.

• How funny Alaska is. She’s really sweet and kind and laid back in person, but with Sharon she’s got the same kind of sharp, dirty sense of humour as her and Sharon is always cackling.

• How smart and self aware she is. She’s hella rich and comes from money, but she realises how privileged she is. She’s very clued in on what’s happening in the world, how she can possibly make any sort of change, whether it be to donate, participate, she sometimes organises swanky fundraisers. She could easily live in a bubble but she purposefully makes sure she doesn’t and is very humble and down to earth.

#tattletale au #I’m weeping at the image of Sharon stoning Aquas costume late at night in bed

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simona-study · 4 years

Text

Bifidus

Elaine writes: Bifidis is normally the only gut bacteria present in breast fed babies. Early researchers felt that when bifidis persists into early childhood and beyond, it correlated with celiac disease. I, personally, do not believe in using bifidis in a probiotic or in a yoghurt culture.

The use of different strains of probiotics has been a subject of much discussion. I do not pretend to know the answers for most of them and have told the list that spending one year doing library research convinced me that there is more ambiguity than black and white answers.

To further the confusion, very smart people are advising some very dumb things. Companies have jumped on the band wagon proposing oral administration of various types of Lactobacillus strains along with things like bifidis and have given absolutely no attention to the fact that these bacteria will mutate depending upon what is in the colon for them "to eat."

Seth on healing crow referenced a wonderful article which was a chapter in a book written by his former professor of bacteriology at the University of Wisconsin. (copyright 2000 Kenneth Todar. Bacteriology pg 303. I have it in front of me.

"The normal flora of humans is exceedingly complex and consists of more than 200 species of bacteria. The makeup of the normal flora depends upon various factors including genetics, age, sex, stress, nutrition and diet of the individual......The distribution of the bacterial flora of humans is shown in the following table. This table lists only a fraction of the total bacterial species that occur as normal flora of humans and does not express the total number or concentration of bacteria at any site."

It then goes on to list many species including Bacteroides sp and Bifidobacterium bifidum. I understand that these two are closely related. Others include Enterobacteriaceae (E. coli) and Lactobacillus, etc.

Then comes the confusing part: "The greatest number of bacteria are found in the lower intestinal tract, specifically the colon and the most prevalent bacteria are the Bacteroides, a group of Gram-negative, anaerobic, non-sporeforming bacteria. They have been implicated in the initiation of colitis and colon cancer. Bifidobacterium bifidum is the Gram-positive counterpart to the Bacteroides in the colon. They are anaerobic, non-sporeforming, lactic acid bacteria. They are the "friendly" bacteria in the intestine. Bacteroides predominate in the intestine of meat-eaters, bifidobacteria and other lactic acid bacteria predominate in the intestine of vegetarians."

From Elaine: That said, it appears that bifidis could replace bacteroides and the implication of the latter in initiating cancer and colitis could be overcome. However, that is not certain and considering that our paleolithic diet was high in meat, I would doubt if meat is the real suspicious element in the diet. The research has indicated to me that any work done to support this thesis was not done without many other variables in the diet including high starch. Seth provides the following information:

"Intestinal Floras of Populations That Have a High Risk of Colon Cancer

APPLIED AND ENVIRONMENTAL MICROBIOLOGY, Sept. 1995, p. 3202-3207 Vol. 61, No. 9

The study finds that populations with the highest colon cancer risk have a higher number of bifido bacteria than populations with the lowest risk. The authors were very surprised at this result since bifido bacteria is a "good" bacteria. Of course this is an epidemiology study (which always have flaws) but combined with Elaine's knowledge on the subject sends a powerful warning in my mind.

t writes: In the case of bifidus, it has a tendency to overgrow. Each type of bacteria has different properties, different byproducts... I usually think of it in terms of different levels of tenacity and agression. Your gut is truly a multicultural society - some member are more altuistic, and others are criminal. Some are interested in improving the neighbourhood, and some are only out for themselves.

L. Acidophilus is about as community-minded a bacterial strain as you will find, with S.Thermophilus and L.Bulgaricus running a close second. The others are either less friendly, or are unknown quantities. It gets even more complicated if you consider soil based strains.

So we stick with Acidophilus in our supplements, and Acidophilus, Thermophilus and Bulgaricus in our yoghurt, because they are good neighbours.

Julie writes: I am one who had used yoghurt containing Bifidus as my starter the first eight months on the diet and after a few back to back flares where nothing helped, Lucy clued me in that the Bifidus may have overgrown in my colon and therefore caused my endless flare. Sure enough, after I switched to the powdered yogourmet starter I literally came out of the flare overnight! I am a big proponent

From the LI listserve

#probiotics #lacto #bifido

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vesperlionheart · 7 years

Text

The Barn 6

[part1][part2][part3][part4][Part5][Here]

Madara took the couch and Sakura woke before all of them, when it was dark and there was still fog from the sea spreading far and thin over the world for as far as she could see.

Sakura stood outside in her nightgown, unable to feel the cold or the damp touch of the morning air. She felt like she didn’t fit inside her body. Her body was one shape, her mind another, and her soul a third completely unique shape. Nothing fit. She was out of alignment and she needed to figure out a way to hide it or ignore it well enough to get on with her life before the fog burned away.

The sun wouldn’t wait for her. The world wouldn’t wait for her either. The demons stirring would have to be put on hold for another daybreak.

So, Sakura built that wall up high in her mind and layered it thick then thicker. She closed her eyes and stepped into the fog barefoot. When she came back her toes were nearly blue but the ghosts were a little further.

‘That’ll do,’ she thought to herself before letting herself back into the barn where the rest of her new friends continued to sleep.

Konan rolled over in bed and cracked open an eye as Sakura prepared a simple breakfast, but didn’t wake enough to roll out of bed. Not a sound could be heard from the loft, and Madara was an unmoving lump.

Sakura waved to Konan, even though the blue haired woman had buried her face back in the pillows and didn’t see the motion. Sakura typed in her code for the day and closed the door behind her.

Hours later Sakura clipped together another stack of graded scantrons and closed out of the grade book program on her computer. It glitches, started to stall, and then proceeded to flash the ‘program not responding’ sign. Sakura held her breath and prayed it didn’t do the dick thing and lose all her grades just as she went to save and close out of the program.

The program loaded, circling and circling until it flashed a new pop up and closed out peacefully. Sakura sighed in relief. She had over two hundred students, and while those grades were only for maybe 40 or so, it would have been a bitch to re-enter them.

“At least this is a problem I can solve,” she muttered out loud, rubbing the skin under her eyes. “Thank God for the mundane things in life.”

“Is that really something worth wasting your breath on?”

Sakura paused in her recline and turned slowly, eyes narrowed cautiously at the figure darkening her cubicle doorway.

“Sorry,” Sakura drawled. “No consultations without prior appointments. You should have called ahead.”

Kakuzu held up a white paper bag with a pink logo plenty cute with cartoon ghosts drawn as quotation marks around the name.

“What did you get me from Spooky Sweets?” Sakura asked, feeling her irritation abate once the smell reached her. It was fresh, whatever it was.

Kakuzu offered the paper bag up to her and Sakura unrolled the top to peer inside and grin at the assortment of Crepes. There was a variety there that clued Sakura into the fact that Kakuzu hadn’t known which she preferred and bought them all just to be sure. That was pretty big for someone as penny tight as him.

Sakura reached for one called The Monster Mash, a peanut butter, banana, chocolate, and whipped cream filled crepe that was still warm in her hands. She bit into the soft texture of it and melted a bit inside.

“Okay,” she said around the bite in her mouth. “You’ve earned my good graces. Pull up a chair. What do you want?”

“To see how you were doing,” he gruffly explained.

Kakuzu glanced around before pulling up his scarf and descending into the chair used by plenty of nervous students seeking advice on career paths and class help. He made the chair seem tiny.

Sakura licked the whipped cream that spilled out the sides off her lips, using the back of her thumb to wipe away whatever missed her mouth. “I’m dandy. You?”

“What of the others?”

Sakura shrugged, pushing the rest of the treat into her mouth to hum in contentment. She didn’t rush to clear her mouth and answer him, but waited with a water bottle in hand until she was ready to wash her treat down.

Kakuzu glanced away, into the hallway with a posture ready to wrestle. His shoulders were wide, perfect to brace against In a fight. He wasn’t as beautiful as Madara, but there was a broken sort of attractiveness to his hidden self. But maybe that was just Sakura’s strange fascination with creepy things clouding her judgment.

Whatever.

“The others are fine. Thanks for asking. Anything else you want to know before moving on?”

He faced her and even though most of his face was hidden, the glower was blindingly obvious. “Don’t belittle the situation. I am still the legal authority in charge of the property you’re residing on.”

“Are you, or is that a lie to cover for how auntie has her hands in your puppet strings? Let me be clear with you, Kakuzu. I don’t believe that it was your intention to trick me and that is why we’re having this conversation and I’m not burning your ass across the campus limits. Still, don’t think I’ll be stupid enough to blindly trust you like that again.”

Sakura leaned back in her seat, crossing one leg over the other, bouncing her ankle and making the sheen on her nude colored heels stand out all the more. They were pointed at the tips and promised to hurt if she decided to drive them into his leg.

Casually, she dragged the side of her thumb over her teeth, licking up the stray grains of rough sugar that still stuck to her skin.

Kakuzu hesitated before answering and he might have swallowed too, Sakura wasn’t sure under all those layers.

“I won’t lie and say that the matriarch Kushina doesn’t have some hold over me. I am still employed in her family’s service. But, I want to believe that may change soon.”

Sakura scoffed. “You thought you would get that from whoever showed any talent for the curse on that place, eh? I remember what Karin told me. You handed over Madara and the others because you thought you might get something out of it.”

‘He’d get to be your familiar in exchange for the others…’

“I did. It’s what I wanted.”

“You’re a crazy asshole if you think you’d use me for it.” Sakura grabbed the edge of her chair and leaned forward. “I’m not Mito.”

“I know that.” He was watching her oddly. “She couldn’t do what you did. She said she would, but there were always excuses for years without ceasing. It was only at the end that she admitted the truth about her limits.”

“Boo hoo.” Sakura clearly wasn’t amused by the tone of her voice. “Look how much I don’t care. I heard the stories too. She was a Matriarch, one of the best coven heads in years which means a total tool of a person. That’s not going to be me.”

“It could be.”

Sakura felt the temperature drop a fraction as her skin tingled with goosebumps. Her breath went stale in her throat.

“Not a chance.”

“Even if she hadn’t been at a disadvantage, you would have outlasted Karin with that stamina, and with training you would be able to best even the twins. You have the capacity for greatness.”

“Hell yeah I do. Doesn’t mean you have to have anything to do with it.”

“I’ve had decades under a master, and years training her offspring. I would be the one you’d benefit from best if you want to defend your new path in life.”

“There is no new path in life.” Sakura scowled at the thought. “I’m not changing anything.”

“Things are changing, like it or not. You will have to change.”

“Not the way you want me to. I’m not going to be one of them. I have a life, a real life, a life I sweat and bleed for. I’ll be in debt for this life for years to come. I refuse to let that all be for nothing. I worked too hard to get where I am right now.”

“If you wanted it badly enough, that debt could be erased.” He leaned forward. “You’d just have to want it badly enough.”

Sakura felt an angry roll in her gut. She knew the family had ties all over and enough money to drip in it, but it would always make Sakura uncomfortable to know that lifestyle was a few choices away. She could have tried to do what Tayuya did, and maybe Sakura would be where Karin is now. Maybe closer.

But at what cost?

“I’m not going to entertain such fantasies,” Sakura said, closing her eyes and turning her face away. “And I’m not going to take you as a familiar. I told the others I didn’t plan on taking them on either. I’m not changing my mind on that.”

“I’m sure they’d like that, but I’m the only one that could benefit you so perfectly. I have the skill set suited for you. The house would be yours.”

Sakura went still.

“What?”

“The Barn, it would be yours. I have that power. The will is mine to execute how I see fit. A case could be made that you’ve earned it via the spirit of the law in Mito’s will. It and all the lands around it would be yours without having to last the six months.”

With the debt hanging over her head it would be decades before she might be able to afford a place and call it her own. Hard work would get her far, but not far enough.

“You’re playing dirty.”

“I’m playing smart. I wouldn’t claim to be anything but the most useful familiar. I’d be better than any of the others. I wouldn’t even need another sacrifice. That price has already been paid.” Kakuzu scoot his chair closer to her. “I’d also be the least intrusive into your life. I already have a life here, a job, an apartment, and an identity independent from you. Little else would change.”

Sakura tilted her chin up and reached for the white paper bag left on her desk. She reached inside and pulled out a Yummy Mummy crepe, filled with white chocolate, whipped cream, strawberry, banana, and topped with Oreo bits. She bit into the treat and some of the tension eased out of her shoulders.

“You like that one?” Kakuzu asked after another minute of near silence, filled only with the sounds of her muffled chewing.

“I like all of them.” Sakura licked her lips and swallowed the last of it. “Everything on their menu is perfect.”

He nodded, filing that information away for later. “I had hoped you would like them. It seemed like the sort of place you would eat at, but I wasn’t sure what you would order off the menu.”

Sakura paused, mentally taking inventory of her physical appearance. Yes, she had bubblegum pink hair, but the rest of her was professional and scholarly. She had always been intentional in presenting herself as a serious figure, all dressed up and looking ready to blend in with the other ‘normal adults’ on campus. She was in a gray pencil skirt and a white scoop collar blouse. Not even her heels made her stand out.

“I think you might have misjudged me just because of my hair, but that’s fine. I got treats out of it.”

Kakuzu waved his hand at her desk. “Not here, but when you moved in, you brought your personality with you. That side of you seemed to appreciate the cute things in life.” He eyed the bag in her hands.

“Don’t act like you know me so well. You had no idea I even had any magic in me until two days ago,” Sakura said with an animated arch of her eyebrow that could make lesser students tremble. “I haven’t forgotten.”

“I’ve made it a point to learn,” he amended.

Sakura’s look was baleful. “I don’t believe you. Before last week I was invisible.”

She had made sure of it. She had never tried to be a part of the inner circles in the coven, but after the accident she had taken great pains to erase magic from her life the way her mother had wanted her to since the beginning. No one else in the household had magic, and some days it was too easy to forget there was magic in the world, but Sakura never truly forgot.

To the rest of the watching world, it probably looked like a reaction to trauma. No one was supposed to question it when she stopped trying to teach herself magic, and no one did.

His voice broke into her thoughts. “You were not as invisible as you may think you were.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Sakura snapped, suddenly feeling the sting of pins in her heart. Was it emotional pain or literal metals packing her hurt? Some days it was hard to tell. In that moment, Sakura didn’t know.

“Even if it’s a single drop, there is still Uzumaki blood in your veins, Ms. Haruno, and that makes you a matter of casual interest. True, we don’t spend every waking minute of the day tracking your movements or filing reports on your credit card activities, but should your behavior deviate from an accepted norm, the family was always there, poised and ready to react,” he said.

“And have they?” Sakura asked, holding onto the arms of her office chair like she depended on them.

Kakuzu glanced at the bag. “How do you think I knew one of the places where you liked to eat?”

If Sakura didn’t like the treats so much she would have thrown the bag and what was left inside at his face. She didn’t care if his expression was muted instead of smug, she felt like he was making fun of her.

“You can leave now,” she bit out. “We’re done here.”

Kakuzu looked panicked for a moment, but he stood. “I can help you.”

“You can leave.”

“Wait.”

He reached inside his coat and pulled something out of the inside breast pocket. It was a small white envelope with writings on the outside. He offered it to her but Sakura only glared. Neither hand moved to accept it.

Kakuzu ducked his head and set the envelope down on her desk. It clinked like there was metal inside it. By the shape through the paper, Sakura could tell there was a key in it. The writing looked like an address.

“It’s to my apartment, the one they don’t know about. You can come to see me if you change your mind...or if you don’t. You’d be safe there, I promise.”

“Why don’t I believe you?”

Kakuzu didn’t move, but watched her steadily without his gaze wavering. “It’s safe. I’ll swear to it.”

“I want to believe I’m dangerous enough now to not care, but I know better. Safe or not safe, I’m not going to trust my aunt’s little guard dog. Go.”

She looked away and listened for his leaving. When she didn’t hear him exit Sakura closed her eyes and turned even further away and waited. She waited without noticing how much time passed, but when she turned, he was gone. She should have known better than to expect a sound.

Sakura finished up what work she could, taught her last class of the day, and prepared the materials for the next week of classes. The sun was low when she packed up and left.

And the end of the hallway outside her offices she stopped and grinned.

“Hey, redhead, you’re in the wrong wing.”

Gaara turned and the relief was instantaneous across his face. He jogged over to her and reached for her hand, sighing onto her shoulder. Usually he was taller than her, but in heels, they were equal in height. He fit on her shoulder.

“You’re impossible to find. I couldn’t feel your chakra at all.”

“How long have you been on campus looking for me?” Sakura asked through a chuckle. Her fingers found his hair and scratched his scalp softly enough to not hurt. He melted further.

“Kakuzu came to the house. I left not long after that.”

Sakura’s fingers stilled. “How did you get here, honey?”

Gaara didn’t pull his head off her shoulder, but moved to look up at her. “I walked. The university is big, you can see it from far away and I got directions from your books.”

“Honey, that must have taken you hours,” Sakura said, reaching for his face to feel it. His cheeks were warm. “When did you last eat and drink?”

She moved him off her shoulder and he huffed in agitation while she turned back to jog to her desk. She had an empty tumblr under her desk and there was a water filter at the end of the hallway. She took her cup and filled it up, pushing it into Gaara’s hands and making him drink it.

When he was done with all of it he tried to give it back to her but she only filled it again and made him drink again.

“But I don’t want to.”

“Hush, it’s good for you.”

Gaara grumbled, but did as he was told, wiping the excess water off his lips once he was finally done.

“You know we can use chakra to help sustain bodily functions. A few hours without water or food won’t impact a shinobi so terribly.”

“I’ve heard of people doing that with their magic, but it’s not a good long term idea and no true substitute for water and food. I’m sorry you had to walk all the way here. Kakuzu was here over three hours ago.”

Sakura took the tumblr back and took it to the sink at the back of the workroom. She would clean it out when she came back in the morning.

“You’re very kind.”

Sakura staggered and balked. “Th-this is just basic knowledge. I’m not...it’s nothing special.”

Gaara hummed, shaking his head. “No, you’re kind. You’re caring like it’s so natural you don’t even know you’re doing it. It’s a nice change.”

“As opposed to what? I’m sure plenty of people would have given you water if you needed it. Konan said you were like a president or a leader of some sorts back home.”

“I’m not your leader though, and I never asked you for anything. You cared just because that’s who you are.” He reached for her arm again. “Will you buy me the sweet drinks with whipped cream again?”

Sakura rolled her eyes. “Ah, there it is, you were buttering me up, weren't you?”

Gaara made a face, recoiling at the comment. “You’re not a lamb chop. Why would you need butter?”

“Oh, Gaara, you’re too teasable. What am I going to do with you?” Sakura laughed, throwing her arm around his shoulders and leading him out of the building.

“You can buy me yummy star drinks.”

“You’re going to bankrupt me at this rate. Just, don’t tell the others. They’ll get jealous they didn’t get anything.”

“They didn’t walk all the way over here to find you or spend that much time lost on campus. They don’t have any right to complain.”

“How did you get out anyway?” Sakura asked. “I thought one of them might have stopped you.”

“Well, it’s not like I announced what I was doing. If I had, Madara would have tried to tag along and Konan would have stopped both of us.” Gaara chuckled to himself. “He was super pissed when he woke up and saw you were gone. He thought your life would revolve around him more, the selfish bastard.”

Sakura reached for her keys once she saw the edge of the parking lot. The weight of the metal was familiar in her fingers and for a split second she thought about the key Kakuzu had left on her desk, the one she had swiped into her draw to forget about, the one she ended up going back for, the one she eventually tucked away inside her wallet with the folded up envelope.

She looked up and scanned the surrounding area casually, noticing a few familiar faces and a few she had never seen before. That wasn’t unusual.

Everything looked normal but there was a new itch under her skin, one she couldn’t scratch, one she felt in the texture of her bones. Was someone watching her now and reporting her movements back to the coven?

Gaara’s hand on her arm made her blink and recognize where she way. She had stopped moving and Gaara was looking at her oddly now.

“Sorry, I spaced out there for a second.”

Was the kid in the red jacket watching them, or just looking off in their general direction?

“Is it something I said?” Gaara asked.

“No.” Sakura took his arm and led him to the passenger’s side of her car. “I just need to make an extra stop before heading home.”

His eyes seemed to light up. “Is it for my drink?”

The man in the red jacket was gone, but Sakura’s feeling of paranoia wasn’t.

“Don’t worry, we’ll stop for that too.”

#The Barn #Barn #Sakura #Gaara #Kakuzu

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ecoamerica · 24 days

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thedeadflag · 7 years

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Here’s more of the Oh No There Is Only One Bed What Do clanya AU

(Part 1)(Part 2)(Part 3)(Part 4)

Part 5 below

Content Warning: transmisogyny, transmisogynistic slurs, transphobia

(Time skip to end of summer break)

"I don't get why you're going nuts about this party. It's a party, not rocket science. You invite people and they show up. If there's booze, even better. That's it." Raven chimed in from her spot perched at the end of Clarke's bed. "It's not a big deal. It'll be just fine without you micromanaging everything."

Clarke let out a huff and sat back on her heels, temporarily deciding to stop digging through her closet. "You graduated last year. It's not a big deal for you, but this is the last time I'll see a lot of these people for...well, maybe years from now. And I want it to be good for the ones I will be seeing again soon, too."

"Like the swimmer girl." Raven noted, perhaps a little pointedly, enough for Clarke to make the executive decision to keep her focus elsewhere for the moment.

"Who?" She asked, Raven's laughter signaling her attempt at obscuring the truth wasn't well played.

"The swimmer girl you've spent most mornings with during the break. Lanky, bottle blonde, kinda thorny personality?" Raven asked, tapping a finger against her chin. Apparently her friend had noticed Anya's comings and goings from her home across the street. "I think her name was Aria? Aaliyah?"

It was clear that Raven had something she wanted to say, so Clarke got up and took a seat on her bed up against the headboard, leading Raven to do the same. "Her name's Anya. And...yeah, she's thorny, but all roses are. You just need to know how to hold them."

Clarke loved when people ran their hands through her hair, so when she felt Raven's combing through, fingertips gently grazing against her scalp, she couldn't help but lean into the touch.

"Clarke...that is one of the gayest things I've ever heard someone say about another woman, and I pretty much live on Tumblr." Raven whispered, clearly barely containing her laughter. It was nearly enough to get her to shuffle away, not quite ready to be teased over her growing adoration for Anya, but the feel of Raven's forehead pressing against her temple stilled her. "Not a bad thing. You always did say you were bi, I just...never saw you take to another girl before. It's adorable. So is that what you two do every morning? Hold each other?"

"I wish. No, we usually just swim for an hour and a half or so, Anya likes a good workout in the morning. For a while, that was it...she'd come over, we'd exercise, and she'd leave. Now I've managed to get her sticking around for a half hour or an hour to just talk or sunbathe." Clarke explained, waiting through a few seconds of silence before turning her head, wondering what was on Raven's mind.

Apparently, perplexed amusement was the daily special, given Raven was looking at her like she had two heads. "Clarke, you're good at flirting. Just get all touchy-feely and she'll melt. Most girls would."

Clarke shook her head and sunk back against her pillows. "I can't." She answered, shooting Raven a pointed glare when her friend scoffed. "I'm serious. I hurt her back in high school. She doesn't fully trust me yet, and she's set boundaries on how I can touch her, so I'm respecting that and just...trying to earn her friendship."

"So what, this morning ritual is some sort of punishment for what you did? Which I have a hard time believing you hurt her, bee-tee-dubs." Raven shot back, brow furrowing, dark eyes meeting her gaze in clear concern.

"Not punishment. She doesn't really seem to care about that. She just wants me to be better so she can feel safe around me." She clarified, taking a deep breath when Raven still stared at her in befuddlement. "I got a close friend of hers expelled in grade nine based on hearsay from guys that were bullying them. I stacked the GSA with her bullies, people I thought were good and decent people but clearly weren't, so she couldn't go there for support when she needed it."

Raven let out a long exhale and nodded. "Okay, that sounds sort of bad, but that was, like, grade nine and ten."

"I helped arrange assemblies that had skits explicitly insulting and harassing her, ones that I laughed at. You remember the skit in your final year where Finn came out in a dress? That was after Finn and Bell paid Ontari to date her long enough to steal some of her clothes for the assembly and grab some nudes to spread around the school. Among some other things, so yeah, the way she is with me...it's warranted. Really fucking warranted." Clarke clarified, sticking to her guns. As time had passed, she'd remembered more and more about things that had happened that year and early senior year. If anything, Anya had undersold her difficulties.

Raven's hand dropped from her head and cupped her shoulder, pulling her in for a hug. "Well...shit. Okay, then, what's the plan of action?" Raven asked, and Clarke really couldn't find an answer outside of sticking with what she'd been doing, so maybe she shrugged. Slow and steady wins the race. It made sense. "Okay, so you can't just freak out about the party tonight and not have a plan to dazzle this girl. Ideally, what'd go down between you two tonight?"

A flurry of fantasies rushed through her mind, but she forced herself to be more practical and appropriate, knowing Anya deserved at least that much. "I...I guess I just want to be able to hold her."

"Okay, you're more far gone than I expected. Is that what I have to look forward to?" Raven asked absently, eyes growing a little wide as Clarke leaned back, wondering if Raven was implying what she thought she was. "Okay, so I...might have met a girl at MIT. She might be coming tonight, since I figure it's time to officially move on from Finn."

Clarke nodded profusely, thrilled to know Raven was finally taking that step. Raven had found out about his affair the final day of the con, and after a brief frosty period of behaviour towards her, she and Raven had grown a lot closer over the summer. "That's great! I...so are you bi?"

"I think so, yeah. I mean, I had some hints here and there over the years, but this one...this one kind of clued me in. And I'm just...floundering a little, because she's an aquatic engineer, and smart, and witty, and beautiful, and..." Clarke's smile grew as Raven rambled, earning her a small shove as Raven's cheeks got a tiny bit redder. "I just like her. And I want to impress her tonight, so I was hoping you had a plan, so I could copy it."

It was a laughable idea, honestly, but the idea of a game plan had a certain appeal to it. If anything, Anya deserved that sort of careful consideration. The last she wanted was to end up inadvertently hurting Anya because she winged the party and was careless.

"Well, a plan does seem like it'd be a good idea, I guess. So...does she know you like her?" Clarke asked, earning a quick shake of the head, Raven's wide-eyed fear leaving her unsure whether to laugh or cry that their situations were so similar. "Same here."

"What?! How does that girl not know you're into her?! Clarke!" Raven thwapped her in the head with a surprise pillow attack that only served to mess up her hair a little more than it already was. "Seriously, you invite her over every morning."

"Six mornings a week, but still. And I call her pet names. And I've bought her gifts. And I keep telling her I'd love to spend more time together. And I've done so much research and traveled to a few workshops and speaking events, too, to try and make sure I'll be safer for her and other trans people to be around." Clarke relayed, only contorting Raven's features even more. "I mean, I don't think she's ever dated anyone, so maybe she just doesn't pick up the cues that I'm interested in something else on top of her friendship? I mean, she might have, and is just ignoring me, but I think I'd notice that."

Raven suddenly jolted up, moving to sit in front of her. "That's it! Luna hates when people beat around the bush or lie to her. And your girl is clueless. Neither seem the type to hold anything over anyone's head unless they're, like, super familiar, right?"

"Yeah, so?" She asked, narrowly dodging another pillow attack.

"So we be aggressively honest."

Clarke's heart skipped a beat at the immediate, visceral fear of rejection, Anya's past words echoing in her head as she imagined coming clean to her at the party, as she imagined confessing her feelings. This was a girl who felt disgusted and scared enough to refuse sharing a room with her barely two months ago.

How the hell could she even make an attempt?

"I can't. I...you didn't hear how disgusted she was of me. How much pain I caused her, I can't just..." Clarke started, throat feeling much narrower as she fought for enough breath to speak. "I just can't."

The third time was the charm, the pillow making solid contact against the front of her face.

"Come on, what day of the con was that? Because I distinctly remember Finn ranting about Anya keeping him from talking to you." Raven asserted, apparently not keen on just letting things be.

"She told me that Saturday morning. And yeah, she helped me in the market later that day, but she's been up front saying she doesn't have to like someone to not want them hurt. Even before showing me how she felt about me, she comforted me over what Finn did to us. She's just that kind of person." Clarke argued, but if anything Raven looked even more determined.

Her friend held up the pillow again, Clarke getting her arms up in time to dissuade her, apparently. "She sounds friggin' perfect for you. Besides, she's hung out with you past your workouts, alone, so by her own standards, she finds you worth her time and trusts you to a decent extent. She wouldn't spend time with you if she didn't enjoy it, if it still hurt her. Pretty big change from someone who didn't feel safe to share a room with you."

Clarke lowered her hands to gauge Raven's sincerity and ate another pillow for her naiveté. "Damn it, Raven, just...do you think I have a shot?"

"From the sound of it, you've put in some work. You've earned some trust. Enough to come clean about how you feel? Yeah, I'd say so. Enough for her to give you a shot? She'd be an idiot not to see how real this is for you." Raven suggested. "Put the ball in her court. Tell her how you feel. Show her how you feel in whatever ways you can. Let her decide if she's into you or not, don't write her off before you give her that chance."

Clarke let out a long exhale, the idea of actively wooing Anya already mentally exhausting. Still, she was worth it. She absolutely was. "Aggressively honest, huh?" She asked, drawing an eager nod from her friend. With a roll of her eyes, she flopped onto her side. "Then I guess that's the plan. Here's hoping we have luck on our side."

As far as Clarke was concerned, they'd need it.

Anya liked Saturdays. Even during summer breaks, it was the one day of the week where she'd let herself relax and have a lazy day. It was always good to have a day to recuperate, she'd learned, and she knew she'd certainly need them going forward over the next few years in New York.

There was nothing quite like laying on her bed in comfy clothes, her open windows welcoming the gentle summer breeze as she worked away at her reading list.

Of course, she'd never been the luckiest individual, so when a knock sounded at her door, she could only imagine that her relaxing routine would be delayed for a few minutes, likely her mother wanting her to accomplish some additional chores, or to help with the garden. "Come in."

A not insignificant amount of surprise coursed through her body as Lexa slipped into her room, looking beautiful as always, but for some reason was at her home rather than Clarke's to help prep for the party.

Anya bookmarked her novel and set it aside. "Lexa, I thought you'd be helping Clarke get her house ready before heading to the airport to pick up Costia."

"Clarke has adequate help already, she'll be fine. I see you're all ready to go." Lexa noted, cocking a scrutinizing eyebrow at her.

Between Lexa's presence and that strange look, Anya had a bad feeling. "You're not expecting me to attend the party, are you?"

Lexa moved to the end of the bed, arms crossing her chest, hips cocked. Apparently, she absolutely did.

Crap.

"At least you've showered already, so we can skip that. What are you going to wear?" Lexa asked, not even leaving Anya's participation in the party up in the air.

"What, is this not appropriate? Come on, Lexa. Why would I go to this thing?" She countered quickly, regretting her words a little as Lexa leveled a hard stare at her.

"Costia's coming back tonight. You can catch up with her, and spend time with us before we head to D.C. on Monday and you head to New York." Lexa argued, and alright, perhaps that was a reasonable argument. Costia would be spending much of tomorrow packing and spending time with her parents, and her and Lexa would be leaving bright and early on Monday. It really was her last good shot at hanging out with her for a while, and she did miss Cos. "And on top of that, you have today as a test run for New York."

Anya's head tilted to the side, confused at that last addition. "What do you mean?"

"You've always had to have your shield up around here. You've been a little thorny by design, to keep yourself safe, because there are a lot of shitty people around here who haven't accepted you. But in New York, you'll be one more person in the crowd. You won't have to have your walls up so high, you won't have to put up a front. You'll have a pretty fresh start over there, and tonight could get you ready for that." Lexa clarified, using a lot of Anya's past venting sessions in the process, only further pulling her towards the idea of attending the party, even if the prospect was still intimidating. It'd been a long time since she let her softer side out to play, not since she'd been viciously bullied in grade nine to the point of needing to look tougher to protect herself, even if that came with its own drawbacks in more verbal harassment.

"Not a completely fresh start. Clarke would be there." Anya added, apparently compelling Lexa to crawl up onto the bed and curl up beside her. "You realize you can't hug me into submission."

Lexa just laughed, nose tickling her neck. "Of course I can't. And yes, Clarke will be there. You can't pretend that she's not your friend now, Anya. Even if you're not as close with her as, say, Costia, you still like her."

Anya's couldn't refute her words, knowing the other blonde had indeed grown on her like a fungus to the point where she looked forward to seeing her. Clarke had worked hard to become someone she could feel safe around, and she both respected and kind of adored her for that daily dedication and self-critique. Still, Lexa didn't need to know that, so she just raised an eyebrow, not that Lexa could see. "Your point?"

"My point is that you can show her the rest of you tonight. You can let her in, let her know you, and give her a shot at being the friend she's trying to be for you." Lexa stated, slinging her arms around Anya's waist. "Besides, you'd be doing me a favour. I don't want either of you two to feel alone out there. If you two had each other to lean on, I'd be a lot less stressed about being away from you."

Anya felt her heart drop into her stomach, Lexa's words hitting their target dead on. "Bring out the big guns, why don't you?" She let out with a sigh, holding her cousin closer. "I don't want you to worry about me, or at least no more than usual. I'll go."

"Well, then, we should get you ready. Go pick out something to wear." Lexa prodded her stomach until she sat up and rolled off the bed, reluctantly making her way to the closet.

Her hand moved to grab her trademark leather pants but that was the predictable choice. That was what her former classmates knew well, her harder, thornier side she used to keep the hordes at bay, at least physically. They'd never let her be anything else before, not without seeing it as a vulnerability to attack.

But she was leaving on Monday. They had no hold on her anymore.

Anya shook her head and pushed enough hangers aside to bring the four in garment bags to the forefront. By memory, she grabbed the last one and handed it behind her, knowing Lexa would be waiting, and then passed off a pair of red heels. Once her cousin took possession of both, she went up on her tip-toes and grabbed the large black box from her top shelf, and then the two slightly smaller white boxes to its right. If she was going to show off another side of herself, then she was going to go all out. Taking half-measures would simply be a waste.

Besides, maybe Clarke would think she'd look nice.

"You're lucky I haven't eaten since breakfast, or I might not fit in it." Anya noted as she set the boxes down on her bed. She didn't waste time opening the black box and pulling her corset free; she'd always hated lacing herself up, but with Lexa around, that wouldn't be such a problem. "Want to help me into this?" She asked, pulling her top off and slipping out of her shorts.

"I have no idea where you're going with this, but consider me intrigued." Lexa stated, setting the garment bag down on the bed and moving behind her as Anya got the corset positioned.

It took a little longer than she'd have liked, and a little more effort from Lexa than expected, but she eventually found herself snugly laced into the corset at the right measurements.

"Load me up? I won't take long to change." She asked, arms out.

Lexa still looked a little stunned at her corset, but quickly gathered the boxes and garment bag and laid them onto Anya's arms, a twinkle of excitement flashing in her eyes. And maybe it was a little exciting, wearing what she would out in public for the first time instead of lounging around her home in the outfit as she had in the past.

She'd never really had the opportunity to wear something like that without inviting scrutiny, and the last thing she wanted in the past was for Lexa to catch on and push and prod her to wear what she liked, screwing the consequences. That would have meant more work and more stress for Lexa, and that just hadn't been an option in Anya's mind.

But maybe she could do this now.

Anya made her way into the ensuite and shut the door behind her, quickly setting the items up and carefully putting them on in the right order. It was a matter of precision, but she knew her way around each like an old friend, and it wasn't long until she was slipping into her pumps and checking herself in the mirror to ensure nothing was out of place. She'd have to do her hair, and work some magic with her makeup, but she looked good.

Feeling a rush of confidence, she opened the door and stepped out into her bedroom. The sound drew Lexa's attention, her cousin sitting at the side of her bed, green eyes growing wide as she looked her over. For a brief moment, there was a jolt of panic, that maybe Lexa would think she looked silly, or absurd, but the tiny upward twitch at her cousin's lips threw those fears into her mental trash compactor.

Lexa lifted a hand, silently twirling a finger. Anya complied and did a slow spin, enough time for Lexa's smile to have bloomed into a wide grin. "You look amazing, Anya!"

"Really?" She asked, needing that last little bit of validation, and thankfully, Lexa was thrilled to offer it with a gleeful nod.

"I can do your hair, but Costia would kill me if I did your face, too. She's gonna flip when she sees you, I guarantee it. Would you be okay taking a quick pit stop after the airport?" The idea of going out to the airport dressed as she was, well, it was intimidating. It was a little scary. But she'd have Lexa, and she'd have Costia, and she'd have Costia's parents.

Anya nodded. That would have to be enough.

Clarke stared off at her back yard, pleased with the fruits of her efforts. Her mom had insisted that no damage come to the interior while she was away setting up her apartment in the city with her Uncle Jacapo, so she'd made the executive decision to close off the house and host the party in the back yard. After all, they didn't have neighbours for at least a half mile in any given direction from the edges of their property, so it seemed like a safe enough bet. The fire pit was re-organized to host more people, the pool and hot tub were set up, the barbecue area was stocked with food and a makeshift bar, the sound system was set up with speakers positioned around the yard, and she'd scattered all sorts of seating so there'd always be somewhere nearby to sit.

It was well worth the effort for a nice send-off.

"Hey, so when are we starting up with the burgs?" Octavia asked, suddenly and sneakily appearing at her side. "Monty, Miller, and Harper worked up a bit of a sweat carrying the speakers around. Are they good to grab a quick shower?"

Clarke nodded, reaching into her bag for one of her spare key rings she'd made and set aside for the party to control access to the house. "They should be fast, though. People will start arriving soon, it's almost eight. We'll start getting food ready around then."

"Got it, I'll make sure Monty and Miller shower separately." Octavia noted, grabbing the spare and jogging off towards the others.

Clarke rolled her eyes, but knew it'd probably be a necessary precaution, given how the two often disappeared for hours on end when given the opportunity.

She made her way across the yard to the bar, scoping our Raven practicing some bartender tricks. Because of course that's what she managed to pick up and learn in her year at MIT.

"So, my fine-feathered friend, is everything shaping up alright?" She took a seat on one of the bar stools they'd hauled up from the basement, basking in Raven's excitement.

"Luna's on her way, she should be here by nine, nine-thirty at the latest if traffic's bad. Our alcohol is set up and ready for serving. We've got a good selection of mixers and ingredients, so there's room for a little creativity. When people start arriving, if they have anything, it gets brought here. I work the first shift until eleven, and that Ryder guy takes over then." Raven rambled, sounding a little giddy about serving drinks.

"You sure you don't mind tending bar for a while?" She asked, drawing an immediate scoff from her friend.

"Please, it's fun. Besides, Lincoln's giving me first dibs on the food, and I'm all about that. And whenever Luna and I hung out, it was usually at the bar I worked at, so it'll be a little familiar, I guess? I'll be fine, Clarkey." Raven reassured her, pouring herself a drink of something dark and foamy. "Don't worry, babe, just a root beer. No alky for me till I'm off duty, scout's honour."

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Raven. "You were never a girl scout."

"Psh, details." Raven laughed taking a sip from her glass just as the phone in Clarke's bag started to ring.

Curious, she fished it out, a smile sprouting on her lips at the contact ID. She immediately answered. "Costia! How was the flight in?"

"Smooth sailing as usual, can't complain. That doesn't matter though, I only have a few minutes before I have to get back." Costia answered, her last few words coming out hastily, sending Clarke's heart twisting with worry. "Not gonna beat around the bush. Do you still have feelings for Anya?"

The question had Clarke ambling off the bar stool and heading indoors, unsure if she was going to be delivered good or bad news. "Yeah. More than ever."

"Then unless you're dressed in your best stuff, you need to go and change, because Clarke. She looks...Clarke, I've never seen her like this. It's just she can't be the only one glammed up or she'll feel out of place, even with me and Lexa sort of following suit." Costia relayed, the urgency in her voice compelling Clarke to rush upstairs and into her walk-in closet.

Because while Anya was breathtaking in casual clothes, or wearing a sports bra and exercise shorts, and she couldn't imagine Anya being prettier than she always was, Costia sounded serious. And if it'd help Anya feel more welcome, it was no skin off her teeth to change into something a little fancier. Lord knew she usually needed an excuse to wear some of her stuff anyways, so she'd welcome the opportunity.

"Got it. I'm changing now." She spoke, one hand holding the phone to her ear while the other skimmed through her fancier items, looking for something that would work. "Need me to colour coordinate?"

"Maybe something white or red? Anyways, it doesn't matter, just...I've never seen her like this in public. Ever. This is different and new for her, and she needs you to have her back, because she trusts you to have it. She needs everyone to know you have her back. And...Clarke?" Costia asked, voice trailing off.

"Yeah?"

"If you were ever planning on letting her know how you feel...this is your shot. If there was ever a time to make your move, it's tonight. I gotta get back, we're leaving for your place now, but just...good luck. Don't let us down." Costia added, ending the call quickly and leaving Clarke wondering what had changed.

That morning, she'd hung out with Anya for an hour or so, not really talking about much of anything. It'd been nice, and the silences between them had been comfortable, but it wasn't like Anya had a heart to heart with her or something. Nothing to indicate that Anya would even go to the party, even if Clarke had hoped she would, let alone consider it special enough to dress up in something nice, whatever that meant.

Not that Anya didn't look nice, she always did, but Anya's version of 'nice' was usually a decent quality blouse, her leather pants or skinny jeans, and generally a leather jacket. And that would get Clarke's heart-rate up, for certain, but Costia's call left her unsure what to expect. Which, in turn, left her unsure what to wear.

Obviously, her tank top and jeans wouldn't cut it, but she needed to find something. Maybe if I'm trying to woo her...maybe I should show a little skin? She did glance at my legs a lot during the con weekend that Sunday, so...maybe my tailored black shorts? I could pair it with my white blazer to coordinate with Anya?

It seemed as good a plan as any, so she quickly grabbed each item up along with one of her nicest sets of lingerie, figuring if it inexplicably got to the point of Anya getting more than a solid peek, she wanted to look nice and impress. Not that she expected anything of the sort, but it was good to be prepared. And in case Anya's new 'nice' meant heels, she swapped her flats for a set of strappy heels, not wanting a situation where Anya was half a foot taller or anything. She liked being about the same height, it was a nice change of pace from the usual for her.

"Clarke, is that you? Lincoln was wondering...whoa!" Octavia exclaimed, stilling by her closet doorway. "Okay, wow, you, uh...wait a second. Clarke, you sly mo..."

"What was Lincoln wondering, Octavia?" She interrupted hastily, not wanting to get buried in a bunch of accusations of debauchery.

Unfortunately, Octavia was already hooked, whether Clarke liked it or not. "No, no. Are you fishing for some no strings action tonight? I mean I wouldn't blame you, with everyone going their separate ways and all."

Clarke just kept scanning through her accessories for something fitting. She eventually settled on a subtle necklace with a heart-shaped ruby pendant. There was a chance it could disappear into her cleavage, but it was the only good red necklace she had to match her outfit.

"Not everyone's going their separate ways, O." She hinted as she put the necklace on and secured the clasp. "New York's a fresh start, but...maybe I might see if a certain someone's up for a fresh start together."

"Another New Yorker? Hrm...Fox is still dating Harrison, so not her. Jasper and Maya are moving there together, so none of them. And definitely not Bell after the way you've like, cut him out this summer...he's not even gonna be here tonight." Octavia mused openly, following Clarke out of the closet. "Wait...Anya?"

Clarke nearly tripped over her own feet at O's astute guess, even if there weren't many others from their graduating class heading to New York.

"Like, Anya-Anya? My intense kickboxing tutor, Anya?" Octavia continued, grabbing Clarke's wrist and turning her around, clearly having cued in that her guess was on point. "Are you serious?"

Clarke took a hard swallow and stood up straight, knowing if Octavia had a problem, she couldn't let it fester. "She's my friend, and I'm really into her. If you have a problem with that..."

"Whoa, no, no. Not a problem." Octavia rushed out, hands up as she took a step back. "Definitely not a problem, it's the opposite of one. I sort of love her for the two years she helped train me, but she's a total dork, and we didn't have anything in common, so it never really went past that. But if you're aiming for her, you've got the green light from me, not that she'd need me protecting her."

Clarke nodded, not having known Anya had helped Octavia train during high school. O had talked to her about training, about her hard-ass teacher, but she didn't recall O mentioning any names. Still, it was good to know one more person had Anya's back.

"Thanks, it's good to know someone else is looking out for her." Clarke admitted, taking a step backward. "So...think she'll like?"

Octavia shrugged. "You look hot, lots of good earth cleavage going on. I don't know who wouldn't like how you look. But...yeah, I think she will."

Clarke breathed a sigh of relief, hoping Octavia was right and maybe Anya might like who and what she saw when she arrived. "I sure hope so." She noted, gesturing for O to follow her as she made her way back downstairs and into the back yard, loitering by the gate that led into the backyard, sincerely wishing there wasn't a high stone wall and a big wooden door blocking the way. However, she also didn't want to seem desperate and ridiculous, which keeping it open and constantly peeking out would do, so she just tried to play it cool, casually greeting everyone who strolled through.

She'd just let in Fox and her boyfriend when she heard Costia's signature laugh from the other side of the gate.

Clarke decided to play it casual, leaning up against a support nearby for the covered area containing the bar and barbecue, forcing her breath to steady as Costia strolled in wearing the same suit she'd worn to her post-graduation party, looking stunning as ever. Lexa followed in a black dress that ought to have been illegal for how high the slit at the side was, but she'd always been a daring girl.

She needed an extra second for her brain to parse through what she was seeing when the third girl followed through. She'd expected to see Anya's often messy waves and braids, so when a head of side-swept loose golden curls met her, punctuated with a rose in her hair, Clarke nearly looked past the girl in an attempt to spot Anya.

But then the girl laughed at some remark of Lexa's, and Clarke knew that sound anywhere. She hadn't noticed she'd taken a few steps closer until she vaguely heard Costia call out to her. Her focus was too intent on Anya as she turned to face her, and suddenly Costia's sentiments on the phone seemed like a severe understatement because Clarke lacked the words.

Dictionaries and thesauruses probably lacked the words, because Anya was smiling that endearingly infectious smile, looking like she'd stepped out of a romance novel in her white and red floral dress that did absurd things with her figure, those warm amber eyes beaming with confidence and curiosity. Anya was a vision, looking so happy and comfortable and utterly beautiful. There was too much to process, too much stimulation for her poor bisexual heart to handle as it struggled to keep up with the rapid, unrelenting pace Anya spurred it to.

She only realized how close she'd gotten when she straight up couldn't see Anya anymore for the tears in her eyes.

And of course Anya would focus on that. "Clarke? What's the matter? Did something happen?"

She felt one of Anya's gloved hands cup her cheek and that was apparently her breaking point, a whimper escaping her as she shook her head in a feeble attempt to convince the girl that everything was fine, because it really was even if she was out of breath. She was just super frazzled was all.

Clarke blinked away her tears, or at least tried to as they kept coming with every visual and tactile reminder of her crush.

Lord help her.

It'd been with a certain sense of trepidation that she'd walked down the pathway to Clarke's backyard. Lexa and Costia had been cracking jokes non-stop over the fifteen minute drive, and try as she might, she couldn't be annoyed at them for that, not when she'd laughed more in that time than probably the past week combined.

Still, the moment she'd crossed into the party area, her eyes had sought out her host, wondering if Clarke was waiting, if Clarke was busy, if Clarke was with someone.

It had only taken a few seconds to get an answer, though not without a dozen or two questions being added on as Clarke practically staggered over, cheeks flushed, a tear or two running down her cheeks, and lower lip quivering in a meager attempt to contain her emotions.

Her host's composure had cracked away the moment she lifted a hand to her face, so Anya just waited, her confidence from earlier draining with each passing second as more eyes turned towards them, as Clarke fought to compose herself.

Taking a page from a few weeks back, she dropped her hand and took both of Clarke's in her own, thumbs caressing the tops of her knuckles. "Breathe. Focus on calming yourself little by little, take your time, it's fine."

Clarke nodded sharply and made an attempt. Perhaps not the best, but as a few seconds passed, she could hear the girl's breathing get closer to stabilizing. "Ev...everything's wonderful." Clarke eventually blurted out in a tearful smile, those sapphire blue eyes averted downward. If anything, Clarke's words and mannerisms only further confused her.

Still, she nodded, gently hushing Clarke as she felt and saw her grow tense. "Then why are you crying?"

If Clarke hadn't been blushing much before, she certainly was now, cheeks blooming bright red. She waited, seconds ticking past before Clarke took a deep breath once, twice, and met her gaze with a strange sort of intensity.

"You're just...really beautiful." Clarke spoke, and given the nearby crowd and lack of music or discussion, Anya was rather certain that a good twenty or thirty people heard her. "You're so beautiful, princess, and I'm so overwhelmed, I'm sorry."

Clarke moved to step away, but Anya only tightened her grip of the girl's hands, head abuzz with a fresh flurry of questions, concerns, and feelings. She couldn't let Clarke rush off, not yet.

"Don't apologize. Just...do you mean that?" She cursed herself for how hesitant she sounded, knowing others could hear it in her voice, could use it against her.

Her lungs emptied at the way Clarke's eyes flashed with determination, how her host moved to touch her and held her hands an inch from her frame. "May I touch you?" Clarke asked, and Anya couldn't help but immediately nod. A sigh tore out from her throat as an arm wrapped around her waist, Clarke's other hand resting still against the back of her neck in that lovely spot she was so weak to. And yet, Clarke refused to make her more vulnerable than needed. "Anya, I kinda thought you were an angel when I saw you. And then you smiled my way and I just got...I just got so overwhelmed with emotion. You're always beautiful, but here? Now? There's no words."

Anya swallowed hard, her emotions climbing up her throat and straining at her chest as her heart thudded fiercely against her ribs. She'd never been spoken to like that, Clarke's fiery sincerity burning away any doubt of the girl's feelings for her, leaving Anya breathless in want and anticipation, thrust into a new unexplored existence.

Her body trembled at the desire in Clarke's eyes purely focused on her. And maybe Clarke didn't have the words, but maybe they just weren't necessary.

Mustering every shred of composure and wit that she could, Anya fixed Clarke with a smile, adoring how the girl holding her practically melted. "I'd usually say something about flattery, but...perhaps I was wrong about that."

Clarke's face lit up like the fourth of July. "Can I get you a drink, Anya?"

She rolled her eyes at the invitation, even as her cheeks ached from smiling. "You may."

Clarke stepped away, but held out a hand; it was an odd gesture, but she appreciated it. She wanted to stay close and in touch, letting Clarke lead her over to the bar where Raven waited, the bartender watching the two of them closely.

The brief trip wasn't enough for her to wrap her head around what was happening. She'd expected to go to the party to spend time with Costia and Lexa, to support Clarke as a friend. Clarke essentially confessing feelings for her right off the bat was like being kicked in the chest; even if it was something potentially good, something she did yearn for, it was heavy and had her off balance.

She'd been exercising with Clarke for a little over eight weeks. She'd been spending a little time with her most mornings for the past three weeks or so. Anya had never picked up on anything that led to the notion of Clarke liking her like that, yet apparently that seemed to be the case to some extent. If Clarke hadn't worked tirelessly to educate herself and earn her trust, Anya would have shut her down, but knowing Clarke had fought to be better, and had grown as a person? That helped her feel safer around the girl. But the idea that Clarke maybe liked her and was seeking her out tonight? That was hard to fathom.

For now she'd spend time on Clarke's arm in hopes she'd get an explanation or insight. The last thing she wanted was to engage in a half-hearted or spur of the moment romantic endeavour that could cost them their budding friendship.

"So, uh, what do you want to drink?" Clarke asked, and now that they were away from that particular moment, Anya rediscovered her understanding of etiquette and opened up her bag, pulling out a tissue.

"Well, a lemonade would be nice, thank you." She answered, lifting her hand to Clarke's face to dab away her fallen tears. Whatever makeup Clarke was using really held up, it was kind of impressive. "There we are."

Clarke ducked her head, exhaling softly. "God, I must look like a complete mess."

Anya balled up the tissue and tossed it in a nearby trash bin. "You look very pretty, actually. It's a charming look on you...I love the blazer, and the little necklace is a nice touch." She noted, closing up her bag and setting it on the bar. In truth, the girl's cleavage was on full display, as were her legs, and it was already hard enough to focus with Clarke's eyes and smile being what they were. Clarke was exceptionally beautiful tonight, and there was only so much Anya could do to keep from staring when she looked like that.

"Really? You like it?" Clarke asked, fiddling with the ruby pendant. Not that Anya dared let her gaze drop down from Clarke's eyes. That would be much too dangerous at the moment.

"Are you trying to draw my attention somewhere in particular, Clarke? I certainly wouldn't want to be inappropriate." She decided to be a little direct, if vague in detail, trying to suss out if Clarke was flirting with her on a more physical level or if the girl was just insecure about her appearance.

"Pretty sure Clarke wants you to check out her tits, princess." Anya could feel blood rush to her cheeks at Raven's offhand remark, heart hurting a little at the idea of Clarke telling Raven about that word in particular, let alone letting Raven think it'd be okay to tease her with it. Maybe she shot a glare Clarke's way to express her disapproval. "Alright, I can get why you might be ticked off over that, but why are you mad at...oh."

Clarke shook her head, even as she held Anya's gaze with her own soft blue eyes. "No 'oh', Raven. It's not what you think."

"You call her 'princess'. And she likes it." Raven sounded entirely amused, enough for Anya to shift her glare to the bartender. "Okay, okay, I'll delete that from my vocabulary when it comes to you for Clarke's sake, but I still think it's adorable as hell. And you told me she didn't know you liked her, Griffin. Way to flub on that fact."

"I didn't know. I thought Clarke was just being awkward, and didn't know how to behave around me, so she'd resort to jokes. She's always been a little playful." Anya explained, earning a hard laugh from Raven.

"Maybe, like, in the first five or ten minutes around someone. Not, like, after weeks of spending time together. That's clearly flirting territory." Raven shot back, pouring a glass of lemonade and pushing it over to her.

"Thanks, tips." It was bad enough that she'd missed whatever 'clear' cues Clarke had been giving. Being laughed at over it just added insult to injury.

Raven, of course, just sent a shit-eating grin her way. "Happy to help. Clarke, you want anything to drink?"

"A bottle of water would be great, thanks." Clarke answered, bringing a hand to cup her elbow as she shifted her focus. "And I could have been a lot more obvious if I wanted to be. I didn't want to pressure you or cross a line. I waited until I felt we were close enough to where I could maybe take my shot and have at least some sort of chance."

Anya could appreciate the out Clarke was giving her. Really, she could, and it was terribly sweet of her to do so, but she could own her mistakes. "Clarke, you don't need to defend me for being selectively oblivious. Now why don't we find somewhere to sit?"

Once again Clarke offered a hand, so Anya took hold of her drink with one hand and took Clarke's with her other, letting her host lead her through the property. The yard was large, excessively so, but the farther they got from the bar, the calmer her pulse became. As they stepped into a small enclosed garden area, Anya allowed herself to just pretend it was like earlier that morning, just her and Clarke.

She never did like parties, but she did like Clarke. And she could catch up with Costia eventually, if her favourite dynamic duo didn't track them down first.

Until then, she'd enjoy the company of an intriguing young woman. The night was young, after all.

#long post #writewritewrite #thedeadflag #clanya fanfiction #OhNoThereIsOnlyOneBedWhatDo AU

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amazinganxietyisnotonfire-blog · 7 years

Text

trapped behind those pretty blue eyes

CHAPTER TWO

<< chapter one | chapter three >>

AO3 LINK

Summary: Dan recalls Phil’s spiral down into a psychotic fit. I tried to make this as brutally honest as possible but there’ll be more fluff in later chapters.

Quote: I feel like such an imposter. I've felt like that so many times since I started youtube but now it's worse than ever. Now not only am I pretending to be funny, smart and interesting enough to deserve the attention of six million subscribers but I'm also caught not being adult enough or responsible or I don't know, something enough to be able to take care of Phil during the one time he couldn't take care of himself.

Genre: heavy angst

Word count: 2069

Triggers: mental illness, schizophrenia (implied), near death, suicide attempt (kind of, not really), kissing, vomit, termites, hallucinations

Hello Internet,

I haven't posted any real danisnotonfire videos over the past two weeks but I think that's fair, considering. Phil comes home tomorrow. This is the first time I've really tried to form any cohesive thoughts but I do have a bunch of little clips that I filmed in minute or two spurts while everything was happening. I guess I'll string those together rather than have to reiterate everything I said. I know it's unprofessional but I've spent so much time trying to be mature and in control recently that I don't want to make a neat video, okay?

- - - wednesday Hello Internet

I tried to visit Phil today but he was in too much of a drugged up stupor for me to really talk to him. His left wrist was bandaged where they say he bit at his wrist hard enough to make it bleed, muttering something about letting them out. They sedated him and wrapped up his wrist. It hurt to see that even here he could get hurt. What was even more disturbing was remembering how afraid Phil is of blood. I can't imagine what horrors exist in his mind that made biting his damn wrist open seem like his only option.

They're starting him on clozapine. It's an atypical antipsychotic, which got explained to me really slowly. I could feel the doctor trying to think about how she could break it down for the 6'3 man-child dressed in black skinny jeans with tear rimmed eyes standing in front of her. I could tell she thought I was hysterical, which was slightly true, but I still wanted to try to understand everything. Since now I'm in charge of Phil's destiny or whatever I had to sign off that they could basically give him any medicine they thought he needed.

I feel like such an imposter. I've felt like that so many times since I started youtube but now it's worse than ever. Now not only am I pretending to be funny, smart and interesting enough to deserve the attention of six million subscribers but I'm also caught not being adult enough or responsible or I don't know, something enough to be able to take care of Phil during the one time he couldn't take care of himself. This is nothing like his overdramatic colds where I just have to make him tea. I don't have anything to compare this to. The doctor and my mirror can see right through me, I'm just hoping the sedatives blur Phil's mind enough to think that I'm worthy of being in charge of his care.

PJ came over and cleaned the kitchen for me then made me eat some soup. He just left. I think I'm going to try not to dream about the way that the white bandage on his wrist was ever so slightly tinted pink even through all the cloth.

- - - thursday Hello Internet,

When I went into the hospital Phil freaked out. I'd never seen the blue in his eyes look as stony as it did there, with his face contorted into the type of rage that I never dreamed of associating with Phil. I don't know why he was so angry at me, or what he saw me as. I don't understand any of this but he screamed at me to fucking go back to hell. I can count the amount of times I've heard Phil say fuck on two hands and one of them was during a tongue twister that kind of tricks you into saying it and at least six of the others were bedroom related.

It's kind of a joke, me trying to get Phil to swear. I guess I win. He's swearing. I just never imagined Phil could be like this. After a while of him shouting they made me leave. I don't know if I wanted to stay or not. I wanted to be there for Phil, yes of course, but seeing him so angry with me for something that I can't even begin to understand made me nauseous.

I've been on tumblr all evening, trying to distract myself. First I read over all the information packets on psychotic episodes that they gave me but then I just wanted to not think. It didn't really work but I didn't have another choice. Anyways I'm going to try to sleep.

- - - friday I'm drunk.

Oh yeah, Hello Internet,

I'm drunk.

We had some tequila and I needed it to be able to think about today.

I thought I was nauseous yesterday but that was nothing compared to today.

Phil hid behind his bed when I came into his dorm there. I tried to say hi and he just–

He yelped and shook and begged me not to touch him. I ran out of the room. I couldn't stay there. I know that this is so much worse for him than it is for me but that doesn't help me keep any food down. Watching someone that you love as much as I love Phil in this much pain, and to think that you're causing it is indescribable.

I want to say that I'm going back purely for Phil but I don't know, I just don't know. I was always the selfish one, wasn't I?

- - - saturday Hello Internet,

I went to visit Phil today, obviously. He seemed to recognize me at first and dragged me into his room. I was so excited that he was excited to see me, as selfish as that is, so I just let him prattle on about how the doctors here are trying to poison him. I couldn't even argue with him because I didn't want him to be mad at me. We talked for the entire hour I was allowed to be there. Well, more like he talked and I tried to resist jumping over the table and trying to hold him until the world fixes itself.

I just want to hold onto him, but I know that he's too skittish and scared and I tried to touch his forearm and he jumped so hugging is out of the question. He used to love hugs, you should have seen him once the cameras stopped rolling, he's the sweetest, most huggable person there is. Or he was? I don't know. I don't want to admit that my Phil is gone but I can't find him either.

- - - sunday Hello Internet,

I wasn't allowed to visit him today so Louise dragged me out to see a movie. It was nice, but I can't help but feel guilty for enjoying something when Phil is stuck in that awful place with those awful misfirings in his amazing brain. I know this isn't fair, and by I know I mean Louise scolded me for half an hour about being too hard on myself but I don't know.

Anyways.

- - - monday Hello Internet,

The clozapine worked! Sort of.

When I went to see Phil he was coherent. He told me he loved me. He then tried to stand up, to hug me no less, and passed out. Apparently, the medicine can make you extremely dizzy. Normally they would keep him on this anyways, at least until they could switch him to something else, but once he hit the ground he started convulsing and they realized that he was having a really dangerous reaction. Instead of fixing his brain it started causing seizures, so they had to take him off.

It hurts so much knowing that he had a moment of clarity and I'm the one signing the damn paper telling them that, no, I want them to hurl him back into that terrifying place he tried so hard to escape from. The doctors told me that it was the right thing to do, but still. I'm sending him back into that terrifying place.

- - - friday They switched to risperidone on tuesday and I've been allowed to stay for longer visits, so I haven't been making these little updates every day. I feel like I'm flying. He's not perfect, to be completely honest he looks empty, but empty is better than afraid. Right? He's telling the doctors that he feels safe and I know he's not back yet, but his wrist is only a scar now and he's not shaking with fear. He's okay, or he's becoming okay. I don't know, but he doesn't look so scared and he recognizes me. He's a little cold, but the doctors say if he stays stable we can add some antidepressants.

I'm still worried about him but I want him stable and if they say that this is stable then it's good enough for me. And he can come home tomorrow!

- - - monday Phil's asleep. There's something wrong with him. He hardly talks. He's functioning so well, so the doctors are telling me that nothing is wrong and I don't want to argue. He just looks like someone's lobotomized him. It's eery, but none of the doctors will listen to me saying that something's wrong because he's doing all the things that he needs to do, checking off all the little boxes on their charts, but something is very wrong.

- - - wednesday Phil's in the hospital again. He tried to slit his fucking wrists. He's physically fine now, I found him before he got too far so he's back in the psychiatric hospital. Apparently, the voices are still there. I'm so angry that no one listened to me and now he has six stitches in his arm. Now the doctor explained to me that the vacant looks were probably from the "mask face" side effects from risperidone and that picking up on that could have clued us in on Phil's reaction.

He kept talking but that was where I stopped listening.

Clued us in.

I knew and he wouldn't listen to me. I should have fought, Phil deserves someone to fight for him.

- - - thursday Now he's on a mix of seroquel for the disease that they're now comfortable calling schizophrenia, (I didn't even have time to be upset about that scary diagnosis when everything was already so scary), and prozac for depression and anxiety. I protested that before this Phil wasn't depressed but a nice nurse explained to me that antidepressants are often used as a stepping stone for schizophrenic patients and once they stabilize and start to recover some of them can be taken off of everything but the antipsychotics.

I don't understand how the old nurse, Leah, can be so sweet and optimistic. It seems like being around sick, terrified people and their upset, terrified families would suck the life out of you but she's been amazing since Phil first came in. I couldn't imagine ever wanting to stay in this place. I still pray, not even to god but just to the universe I guess, that this was all a bad dream and that Phil would just kiss me awake or trip in the kitchen so I could come catch him stealing my goddamn cereal.

But until then we have to learn how to survive because there's no other option. That was what Leah told me when I'd started sobbing while asking her why she came back and I guess it's true. Whenever something horrible happens you just learn to live with the unimaginable. That's what I'm trying to do here.

- - - monday Today is the first day I've visited Phil since thursday. Friday they said he was still adjusting to the withdrawals and that it would be better for me to leave but then on saturday I came in and he was in group! I never thought I would be this proud of Phil for sitting in a room playing an empathy game with ten other hospital patients but I'm so proud. Usually, he would panic part way through or just refuse to go.

Today when I visited him he seemed the most normal that I'd seen him for months. He was still anxious but he complained about the food and asked about his houseplants. I caught him watching something behind me intently but he didn't freak out about it.

Leah told me later, after the doctor gave me a bullshit answer, that he might still experience these hallucinations for a little while but him learning that they weren't real and not reacting to them was incredibly important. She explained to me that recovering was going to be more than just medication and gave me a few more links to read up on.

- - - tuesday Phil is coming home tomorrow! This time, even if he still has symptoms, he seems like himself. It's hard, for me at least guys, not to be cynical but this time feels different. I'm obviously nervous but I'm so excited to be able to interact with him without nurses doing their safety checks every ten minutes. I've definitely learned that hospitals are helpful but I can't imagine anyone goes back to feeling completely normal there.

I haven't felt at peace for months now and I still don't, at all really. I don't actually have a great way to end that sentence. I normally edit out those types of lines or reshoot but I haven't been editing these so I guess I'll just say, I'm not at peace but at least he's coming home.

Thank you so much for reading! This narrative is really close to my heart and based off of real experiences and I think it’s important to show mental illness without romanticizing it too much. That’s what I really tried to do here.

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acoolguyscoollife · 4 years

Text

Chapter 43: Recovery

B walked the rest of us into the small, rustic-looking village, some of his men carrying CG for us now. A few others stayed at the back of the group, walking backwards as they aimed their guns in the direction we’d come from. He made a hand gesture to the people carrying CG, and they took him towards a building, which I began to also walk to before he raised a hand.

“This way.” B said, as he started to walk towards a different building. He got about ten steps before he turned back, realising we hadn’t moved.

“CG-” I began, but he stopped me before I had a chance to even figure out where I was going with that sentence.

“Will be fine. We’ve got some of our best medics in there, when he wakes up, he’ll be right as rain. You guys, on the other hand, need to meet the commander.” I looked to the rest of the group, who gave a mixture of different types of shrugs, forgoing their autonomy in favour of me making all the decisions. I sighed as I gave a quick glance back to the building CG was in, before following B towards the building he had pointed out to us. He held the door open for us as we walked inside, but didn’t enter the room, instead walking away swiftly. The guy inside was fresh-faced, not looking like he was much older than we were, but he definitely seemed like the one in charge.

“Oh, you must be the ones B was talking about!” His voice came out as more of a nasally waver than an actual voice, sounding as if he had been violently assaulted in the crotch region. “I’m Commander Philip, or, I guess that’s what the others call me.” The lack of confidence definitely didn’t instill any in me, but I leant against the nearest table anyway, wondering why we had been brought here.

“I’m Tabitha. That’s Seth, Amy and Aki.” I introduced each of us in turn, pointing as I did so. “Cool Guy is currently having his leg fixed due to a bullet that fairly ripped from the biggest iron I’ve ever seen.” Philip gave a wave to everyone, almost smiling naturally before realising he was clearly supposed to give off a different demeanour.

“You guys couldn’t have come at a better time. We’re outnumbered, and outgunned. The only thing we have now is you guys and B, who is… more of a free agent than anything else.” Philip seemed happy we were here, so I held off on mentioning that we weren’t planning on staying much longer than we had to. It was good to do the right thing, but we couldn’t save everyone, and taking the risk when we’re here instead of keeping ourselves safe was something I wasn’t keen on, especially when we didn’t know what was on the line. “The leader of those forces in that tower have taken… oh gosh, it must be about a few thousand people now, I suppose… anyway, they’ve taken a few thousand people hostage. Every day, they come and attack, and take more people, and there’s no sign of them again. People are getting paranoid that they’ll be next, especially since we don’t know where they’re going.” It stung a little to hear how much shit people were going through right after I’d thought to myself that we couldn’t save everyone, but what could I really do? “Hopefully, this will turn the tides a lot. The next time they try and get more people, we’ll be able to hold them back a lot better.” As if on cue, an alarm sounded, most definitely hand-cranked, but still blaring across the small group of buildings. “Christ, that must be them now. Can you guys give us a hand with this? I know this is mostly throwing you in at the deep end, but we’re already low on people here.” Philip took a step back, throwing a rifle at Seth, who caught it effortlessly, glancing over it before pulling at it in a way I didn’t understand, but I was sure he did.

“How many of them are there normally?” He asked Philip, who thought for a moment before raising his shoulders in a shrug.

“Too many.”

Cool Guy

I tried opening my eyes properly, but water from the cloth being dabbed on my head had already dripped down to them and made me have to blink repeatedly to try and get it out, earning a small chuckle from the person who was doing it.

“Hey, you’re finally awake.” He said, smiling down at me from where he was sat. I had been put onto some sort of stretcher that seemed more like a hammock than anything else, and I was almost positive that usually stretchers weren’t used aside from bringing someone into a medical building. My head thumped with pain, mouth dry and vision still spinning slightly, but whatever had been done to me while I was asleep had definitely improved the amount of blood in my body. “Good to see that you’re, y’know, alive and everything.” Despite everything that ached, I still felt surprisingly better, full of energy despite the fact that I could tell I didn’t have the dagger on me.

“You sure I haven’t just died and gone to heaven?” I asked, putting effort into sitting up slightly, supporting myself with my elbows. The man who’d been nursing me laughed again, turning away to wring out the cloth into a bucket before dipping it into another, wringing it out again to make sure it wasn’t too damp.

“I appreciate the compliment, but I don’t think you’d be so lucky.” I could feel my hair stuck to my forehead from where it had been touched by the cloth, so I had to wonder how long he’d been doing this. “I’ve heard all about you, you know. A lot of it isn’t actually… well, true yet, though.” The man wiped the sweat off my forehead again, getting close as he leant over to get both sides of me. He was dressed like he’d been hiking, but the gun strung over his shoulder clued me in that he’d probably been responsible for where I am.

“Lemme guess, prophecies?” I asked, groaning a little as I tried to sit myself up further. It was nice to get this attention, but I felt a little awkward all the same.

“Something like that, yeah.” As if sensing why I’d sat up properly, he handed the cloth to me, and I went to clean my leg, before stopping as I actually saw it. There was a giant hole in the fabric where the bullet had hit, but the leg itself was fine, looking a lot better than other wounds I’d fixed with magic. The idea of me actually being in heaven crossed my mind once again, as I instead messed with my hair slightly, using some of the dampness from the cloth to try and style it into something that didn’t scream sweat-soaked patient. “I’m Blake, by the way.” I looked over as he spoke, and saw he was holding a cup of water out to me, which made me realise how dry my throat was. After I’d let the hydration hit my throat and relax my neck’s aches, I sat myself up a little further, feeling a little more energy inside me now.

“You probably already know my name, but my friends call me CG.” I replied eventually, before looking around the room as I went over what I’d said. “Where are they, anyway?” Blake shrugged, glancing over at the door as he did, where two other people were sat having a conversation between themselves. I couldn’t make out many of their features from a distance, but I was pretty sure at least one of them was a girl from the pitch of the words I could faintly make out.

“They were the ones to bring you in, I was the one to stay back with the rest of the town. You’d be better off asking them.” Blake had now begun tending to other people in the room, most of whom were unconscious. A beat passed as I looked between Blake and the people by the door, wondering whether shouting them over was the smartest idea. Slightly turning to look over someone, Blake must have caught sight of me not moving, as he looked fully over at me. “Oh, should I go get them?” He asked, and for a second I couldn’t tell if he was messing with me.

“If you were as smart as you were attractive, you’d probably have fixed my leg up enough that I could walk over there myself.” I snarked, motioning to the leg as I spoke. In response, Blake walked over and poked at the exposed skin with a finger, which gave a surprising lack of pain.

“Maybe you should try walking on it before you go making assumptions that I’m not as smart as I am pretty.” He replied with a smirk, and I moved my leg, nervous of the spike of pain I was anticipating. When nothing came, I tested standing on it, shakily getting to my feet and putting my weight onto it. It was as if I hadn’t even been shot. Even so, I didn’t plan on going fast on it for a while.

“I never said pretty, just attractive.” I clarified to Blake, as he gave a once-over to the other patients before walking slowly with me to the other people.

“Ah right, because that’s so much better. I really hope you’re not so fragile about your masculinity that you’re worried how I perceived you there.” Blake laughed, and I felt as if the sweat on my forehead was beginning to be there for a different reason.

“Hey, I still said what I said. Can’t say I’m overcompensating when I called you attractive in the first place.” I replied coolly, trying not to let him get to me like he was obviously trying to. I knew it was just friendly teasing, but there was something about it that was making me second-guess everything I said. Maybe I was fragile after all.

“Nobody brought up overcompensation but you, you know.” Blake was clearly having fun with this, and I had a retort planned out, but I didn’t get the chance to use it since we’d already arrived at the other people.

“-telling you, as long as we stick to the plan, B said he’d help us on our end.” I only just caught the end of the conversation that I felt I shouldn’t be privy to, but the two of them straightened up as we approached.

“CG, this is Jane and Tony. I’d specify who’s who, but I hope you could probably figure that out yourself.” Blake introduced me to them, but I guessed from the lack of a similar introduction to them that they also knew who I was.

“Sup.” Jane said, which was a little removed from the professionality that I’d expected from what I could only figure was a gang of mercenaries.

“What were you guys talking about?” I asked, despite the other questions on my mind. My curiosity had been peaked with how many new things to figure out all being at the forefront of my attention, meaning that my brain was running at a faster pace than my thoughts could actually keep up with properly.

“The guy that brought us here. We know barely anything about him, and he’s expecting us to just go along with this random civil war to help us out on our end.” Tony scowled, making a deep scar on his face shift slightly as his jaw set like stone.

“It’s not exactly like it’s an environment we’re not familiar with.” Jane retorted, and I got the feeling I’d accidentally re-lit the fire behind this argument.

“Yeah but we could be more useful back there. B hasn’t told us jack shit about how he’s going to even help us, and now we’re messing with people like CG and the like, which we know isn’t something we’re supposed to be doing.” Tony wasn’t yelling, but there was still anger behind his words, clearly in a position of feeling like he wasn’t doing enough.

“Wait, you guys are going against a prophecy?” I asked, bewildered by the possibility. Mary hadn’t mentioned these people, so whatever was going on here definitely felt like an outlier. The two stopped arguing for a moment to look at me with a similar expression of bewilderment that I must have had myself.

“Prophecy?” Jane began, as if she couldn’t even process the idea. Her eyes darted to Tony, then behind me to where Blake was. “How much do you actually know about what’s going on?” I made a show of thinking, eyes drifting off to nowhere as what I actually thought of was cotton candy and rainbows.

“Right now… absolutely nothing.” I finally finished. “I woke up in here after being shot and I don’t even know where my friends are.” Jane looked at Tony again, and I got the sneaking suspicion that this wasn’t the answer they had been hoping for. “Why, is there something else I should know?”

“No!” Answered Jane quickly, in perfect synchronicity with Tony. “Nothing at all.” She added, doing her best at giving a convincing smile. “There’s nothing more than just boring stuff.” Jane added one more lie, and was probably trying to think of yet another when I responded.

“I really hope you don’t work in covert ops.” I said deadpan, prompting an explosion of laughter from Jane, which Tony joined in on quickly. The situation was quickly turning uncanny, so I dropped the subject, turning to Blake who was now looking at me apologetically. “So anyway, Blake tells me you two will know where my friends are.” I said to the two as the fake-laughter finally died down.

“Oh, they’re with the commander.” Jane said. “I’ll take you if you want!” I was trying to think of the polite way to tell her no thanks, you creep me out, but thankfully Blake came in and saved me at the last minute.

“I’ll go with CG, you keep an eye on my patients. You always had a more delicate touch.” Jane grumbled as she otherwise-wordlessly complied with Blake’s instructions, and he led me outside into sunlight bright enough to hurt my eyes even through the sunglasses.

“What gives with those weirdos?” I asked when I felt like we were out of earshot enough. The small village didn’t have many buildings, or even far to walk to get to the one we needed to get to, but Blake stopped walking after a few steps towards it, instead choosing to stand as he answered the question.

“It’s complicated. As you could probably tell, they were lying about nothing being involved, but it’s not technically prophecy that we’re following either.” Blake watched the small groups of people as they went about whatever tasks they had to do, dirty-faced people who looked like just living was an arduous task. “As much as Tony complains, he’s happy we’re here. Unlike where we normally are, we actually make a difference here.”

“You shouldn’t be hard on yourself, I’m sure you’re helpful back home… wherever that is.” I reassured him, while trying to subtly needle for more information. Blake laughed at that, still watching the people. I noticed that his eyes would occasionally go to the edge of the village, watching the horizon, or at least what parts of it were visible from between the treeline.

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I was basically an accountant back home. But when someone like B comes along, you can’t say no to him asking for you.” Once again, B had been mentioned, and yet I had no idea who he was. I hadn’t seen him yet, at least not that I was aware of, and everyone danced around revealing who he was. “Hell, I’ve never even learned how to shoot properly.” Blake added, gesturing to his gun, but I was already on another line of thinking.

“Who is B anyway?” I asked, and Blake glanced over to me, finally looking away from the treeline.

“Nobody really knows, but all we know is that he’s helped out a lot on our end. Keeps his name and most of his face hidden. Says it’s necessary or some shit. I reckon he’s just self-conscious.” Blake’s eyes were still on me, but I could tell he wasn’t registering me, instead lost in thought. “Truth is, I almost wanted to say no. This felt like too much of a risk, especially with the… with everything going on.” He trailed off for a moment, eyes staring off behind me now. “But… well, he made a very convincing argument. Plus, I didn’t wanna get on the bad side of someone who has a track record like his. He tends to blow things up a lot.”

“Maybe he’s just got an explosive personality.” I quipped, but Blake didn’t even seem to notice. He started to speak again, but fell silent, looking at me curiously.

“You know, you look kinda like…” Blake almost managed to get out a full sentence before the commotion reached us. A cacophony of yells as footsteps rang out around us, people running to different places as we snapped to attention. Blake looked at the horizon again, and this time, so did I. Where there had been nothing before, there was a conspicuous absence of nothing there now, masked foot soldiers marching into the village. “Damn it, they’re back already?” Blake exclaimed, grabbing me by the wrist and dragging me to a place out of their view. “Whatever you do, don’t let them take you.” He said before swinging the gun around from his back so it rested against his chest, pulling it into his hands and taking aim around the corner. A few shots were fired as I pressed myself into the wall, trying to make myself as small as possible, when I caught sight of the other end of the village. More were coming. I swore under my breath, taking my sword out of its sheath as I ignored the feeling of weakness in my leg.

Here we go again.

#A Cool Guy's Cool Life #cool guy #story #creative writing

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travellers-survivor-old-west · 4 years

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Episode 7: “The coin flip gods decided Xander would be leaving us tonight”- Chloe

Everyone drop your..................... spare change we have a decision to make - Someone on the losing tribe, probably.

jeezzzzzz this round is fucking frustrating. so last minute last round my alliance flipped to keaton which was WONDERFUL!!! I was having a hard time talking to him and I'm glad it's Vi and Xander still here. the concering thing tho is someone told vi to do keaton so like.....someone tryna scoop up that good good number huh? this auction though....FUCK THIS. so it started off fine. nobody snatched the first thing bc it was useless. but then the second item hehe I grabbed it bc I wanted to throw to keep ashley safe + wanted to know what it was. so i was like ok cool love it. but then for some reason another item got posted after the time the post said the challenge would be running.....which was not fair flkjfl and i didnt see it cause i was like cool i can sleep now :) and then it's the fuckin most powerful thing in the game :)))) love that for me lol. and someone on that tribe fucked it up. i literally would've fuckin spent all the money for it if I'd known the auction was gonna go past the time the hosts said rip so that threw a wrench in everything and now i am a sad sad cowboy :'( next day i snatched the first item to end the auction so that the power hungry snakes in my alliance didnt get all the good stuff. so even tho i got nothing of value, i DID get assurance that only one thing is out there that I need to be worried about. :))) hehe :))) and it was REALLY EASY to play off like xander took them both tbh. he was typing in the chat the whole time lmao. the only problem is that chloe eve and isaac are actually smart and they might know it was me but like i rlly put in that fake nancy drew work and was like HELLO DID U BUY THOSE THINGS ? I even asked xander if he got either of the items hehe. im just sittin here with my two lame-ass packages <333333 but i have a really bad feeling about the other tribe. Ashley was on a work trip all week and I know her and her fuckery and her inability to talk to boring men and her tribe has way way too many of them. jared/sammy have the power on that tribe if they scoop dylan and goat nick or bro down with aidan. so it's bad news I think. I'm gonna be pissed at them if they get her out (and i swear to god if jared is doing it just to break up me and her so I'm closer to him he has another thing coming!!!!!!!!! :) ) i wanted to be loyal to jared and ashley, but if he gets her out before I even have a chance to play with her, im gonna be fuckin bitter!!!!!!!! and who knows what I'll do then :)

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Well rip us again. I’m slightly screwed? Maybe. I did get 2nd highest score so hopefully the others keep that in consideration considering Owen, Xander and eve got lower than 50 points. I’m pissed Bc Chloe and I both tried hard to carry the team. We were 200 points under. That’s more than either one of us got. Every one else didnt do an entire section. One of them only did a couple pictures, another only did a couple videos. Rip I want to die.

BIIIIITCH. Shit has hit the fan and I finally feel like we're playing a game here. Last tribal was intense but it brought back that feeling as to why I play these things so I was kind of into it. Overall the scrambling in the last few hours showed a lot of people's hand and I think that was one valuable thing that came out of the last vote out (in addition to Sammy's vote out). Apparently the alleged vote was Ashley, which Jared told me rather late, and I didn't feel clued in on that AND I was a fan of Ashley. She was one of the only people here from my second tribe and she talked to me more than a majority of the tribe making me realize that the Malakoff OGs might have formed a voting block - Pat might possibly be involved. Apparently it was a push on behalf of Pat but I did use my vote steal and try to push things in order to save Ashley and push it onto another target. She really wanted Jared but I do feel like I have a stronger relationship with him and the ability to reconcile things further which is why I tried to deviate the target to Sammy. Plus in all of the ambiguity and the fact that my name was going around (as Ashley as a decoy to save herself *insert eye roll*) I felt the need to use the vote steal I secured on the rails. Regardless of how things played out at the end of the day I had no idea what the chaotic twink [Dylan] was going to do and in the event of a 3-3-1 tie I doubt Jared was saving me over Sammy. Weren't they butt buddies in a Tumblr Survivor or something? Like it just wasn't realistic... and I don't feel like I leveraged it poorly at all. Better than going home with something in my pocket like last time. Plus the studio art major's reaction in their exit interview only helped prove my point that they were the best person to go. Plus I felt as if the studio art major in question has the type of fun but lowkey personality that allows people to go deep and as such an extroverted loud ass bitch those players tend to be the ones on my radar. We worked hard, we persevered and won immunity. Pat worked his ass off in the fucking challenge because he knew he made a fucking mistake writing my name down but he's trying to be cordial. Honestly I think a lot of people are biding their time until merge and I have a sneaking suspicion I might be a person of interest when this merge comes. WHY? Well that challenge was CLEARLY thrown and the people who seemed to be left out of the loop were the ones from my original tribe. I'm pretty sure that's a fucking act of war in Ancient Greece. Nick (my number one ally atm I love you Nick) pointed that shit out immediately and made me run to check the results which left me shook. I tried to bring it up to Jared who played it off... another kind of red flag. My priority right now is to strengthen relationships heading into a potential merge and making sure they're on good footing with me even though the last thing that's happening is a loyal Malakoff 3.0. I'm not even going to delude myself with the fucking thought. Despite having Nick and I guess Ashley, I do feel very alone in this game. Most games I succeed in I have a partner in crime so I'm going to adapt and see how I can take on the merge. I really want Nick to know I trust him as much as I do and I hope that whoever survives of Chloe and Vi is excited to see us. That's if the merge is next and you're not playing with us... But I also hope that both Chloe and Vi survive this round but the break up of the challenge doesn't look good. Is there a chance they just fucking suck?

Being back at tribal is fucking hell. At this point just give us merge I stg id be more likely to be immune then. Honestly it feels like most of my tribe put ZERO FUCKING EFFORT into this challenge and I’m beyond angry about it they’re all fucking bastards and I’ll vote every single one of them out for doing this to me.

Thoughts on being at tribal - the coin flippers are staying strong and yet again we flipped a coin to see who goes home between Vi and Xander. This time there’s no Keaton to fuck things around so I’m hoping it stays this straight forward and there’s no genuine last minute scrambles. I don’t think anyone from the group has told Vi or Xander yet who the vote is but the coin flip gods decided Xander would be leaving us tonight. I just wanna fucking sleep. So yea no valid reason for voting Xander tonight other than it was down to a coin flip. Either way I’d be voting Xander and Vi out at merge anyway.

M E R G E U S

I’m stupid and forgot to do this so I’m doing it from the bathroom at work pls don’t strike me I’ll give you detail when I get off sjhdjddh

Spoiler Alert: He never did send us details when he got off work.....

Hey, this tribe fucking sucks. they never talk about anything or want to do much. Like i had to beg people to do the call. and force that to happen. and I had to force a vote talk out of people.... Thats not my style of gameplay. I hate that im forced to do that. and just want out of this tribe ASAP. IM just hoping if i do survive and make it to merge. that my clever "talking" skills have earned me some credit in this tribe. where I have some allies. I do want to make it far and not just flop in this game. Especially when no one really knows me here and they can't target me because im in a duo with someone on the cast. @every other game i play. *glares at jess*

Also Xander...

Part 2 electric boogaloo I really just want Alyssa to expose me. Like is that so hard. Also i forgot to mention in my last confessional that Jess had a booty call and they left their top there.

IS IT MY TIME TO GO??????

Last round was pretty wild. I really did NOT want Sammy to go but unfortunately my hands were tied and he was with jared and pat. I kind of pushed for jared last round a little too much and Aidans ass told jared and he confronted me about it. I think i did a pretty good job at explaining why and basically it was like we both kind of went for eachother last round but now no one will think we are working together. My hope is that aidan and nick will be loyal and continue to work with me but i have a feeling jared is stilll trying to work on aidan and aidans ass is falling for it. Merge is probably coming up and im a little scared about that but if nick and aidan dont flop I think we can make it far.

So last round I played like peepee poopoo I should've just listened to Sammy like I told myself I would at the beginning of the round and voted Aidan... but the second I detect any shadiness even in a F2 or F3 person that's when the meltdown comes... it was like the Bryce situation all over again Not to mention Aidan two-timed me! But luckily it is still early enough in the game to recover from this, and I still have the high noon... I just need to hang onto that no matter what. So this round I centered back in on my round one gameplan, Aidan lost my trust and Dylan earned his 3rd strike with me by not having my back in the tribe chat. I've been bonding with NickG, and I made a deal with Ashley so I'm hoping that new doors will open for me on this tribe. With that being said, we won the challenge and honestly I couldn't care less about a merge any more, the farther away it is the better to be honest- I can have a 50/50 shot at making it one round further every time with tribal immunity. Another note, non-zero odds that Owen threw the challenge for me? We'll see.

Idk what day exactly the video title is specific of when I’m speaking from.

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More Pat....

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#yeehaw

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