#and also i already felt like GARBAGE today. super tired.

[magnus-and-the-dragon]

just drank a coffee for the first time in like six years so if i die everyone pls remind me i am simply experiencing the consequences of my own actions

#I STOPPED DRINKING IT BC I SUSPECTED IT WAS A MIGRAINE TRIGGER #the problem being that i mostly only drank coffee when stressed / sleep deprived #which are ALSO migraine triggers! so i was never Sure #and i’ve been wanting to try the salted caramel cold foam so bad #and also i already felt like GARBAGE today. super tired. #and i have Nothing to do for the next two days so! decisions were made #pray for me #i’m not a Huge coffee person but i do love coffee flavored desserts #and also sometimes i get a random craving for a sweet lil coffee drink #so it would be nice to be able to have a little here n there. as a treat. #it is Not worth the migraines on a regular basis though. #i cut out PARMESAN to avoid migraines and parmesan was one of my favorite foods In The World #so if it does trigger a problem coffee doesn’t have a Chance

[thetravelerstale]

Yeah I'm back again with a part three, sue me I've just got the feels today and this idea bugged me during my shower so once again, suffer with me. This one's gonna be super long so yeah

New Faces, Same Feelings

pt3 ?

--Kuni--

Lesser Lord Kusanali was probably the best liar Scaramouche had ever seen. There was no way in Celestia, Hell, or any other plane that existed that the child like God was still sane after dealing with him for all these years. In truth, Nahida was growing tired of the puppet but she was too kind to speak about it. He was still mourning after all. Scaramouche had that feeling when the Traveler had left, that churning in his stomache he should've known meant trouble. The sickening feeling never went away as those days had ticked away and when he stumbled across Paimon alone in the forest after she had told Tighnari the news, he knew. He knew and all the guilt and regret overwhelmed him to the point he was sick.

The year after was a blur of misery. He had been found most nights in taverns drinking away whatever savings he had set aside for his future plans. His chest was once again defiled by the filth of human emotions. If he had a heart, it would have been shattered. Acceptance came quicker than he expected, and he moved on to a new stage, he couldn't get revenge, what had killed his sunshine was also dead. So the next best thing he could do, despite the loathing and anger the mere thought filled him with, was return to the cursed lands he once called home. Inazuma had changed since his Kabukimono days, but the electric feeling in the air was still there, and he recognized the Narukami shrine high up on the mountain. Though his eyes did not linger on the shrine for long, resentment filled him and he scoffed before continuing further.

Inazuma was free now, it's eternity had been changed. In a way, Inazuma was a living reminder of who he had lost. He hoped the rumors were true as he approached Inazuma City. How long it had been since he was ever this close to his sister puppet. He wondered breifly if the puppet version of his mother would even recognize him. However the Ei that greeted him as he reached the castle was not of threads, but flesh.

"Mother." The boy spoke, standing in the doorway with wide eyes. The archon smiled warmly at her puppet, as if she hadn't abandoned him, as if she had never condemned him to such a painful existence.

"Kunikuzushi? Is... is that really you?" She seemed so surprised yet also not surprised at all. Her eyes lingered on the Anemo vision pinned to his chest. Scaramouche shivered at the name she used. Only they could call him by that name. "The feather... you kept it?"

His fingers instantly brushed against the feather dangling off his vision, the sign of his connection to the electro archon, the sign he was a puppet. He scoffed and turned away from the woman. "That's not important. I... I need to know-" he looked at the floor before his eyes found the courage to seek out hers. "I need to know if I can get bring the Traveler back... Like how you were brought back." He had done enough digging in Sumeru's libraries to discover how Makoto or Baal, his aunt, had recovered his mother's soul and made her into a body double.

"You can not. They were not of this world, and their soul has already left any planes of existence." The electro archon sighed, her deep purple eyes narrowed as she saw the look of hopelessness and despair overcome the puppets face. The pain he felt, the heartache, she had felt it too when she lost her sister. She went to reach out to the boy, but he only took a step back. "I know how it feels-"

A laugh cut her off. "You know how it feels? Don't kid yourself Beelzebub. You've never understood how I've felt. Even from the beginning... You threw me out like garbage all because I had feelings. And you dare tell me that you understand how I feel? What a joke." He turned and walked out, if his mother couldn't help, then he'd have to turn to the humans. Surely there's some ritual they have that would bring back his beloved melon flower. His wandering took him to many places, but he felt with each place he went, the world only got colder. Each face blurred just a bit more, colors mixing into muddy puddles that became dull and gray the longer his lonely and miserable existence continued. It was by chance, or maybe fate, that he came upon the Lantern Rite in Liyue. Seeing the sky full of lanterns he had asked around about the meaning of the festival only to find out it was a way to celebrate the old year and the upcoming one, and to remember, and make wishes for the new year. He didn't think much of it when he purchased a lantern but he couldn't bring himself to release it over the harbor like the foolish humans.

Maybe it was because the warmth of it's orange, goldish color reminded him of the Traveler's beautiful eyes, or he was just doubting this would work. He decided to wait until the moment felt right, and wandered the rest of the nations of contracts before coming across a strange man who was holding a handmade lantern. The stranger sat down and released his lantern, mumbling a small wish. Scaramouche felt something urging him to make his wish now and he said a small prayer before lifting the lantern up into the sky and he stood behind the stranger for a moment before the man looked at him.

His eyes were gold, just like theirs.

He decided to sit beside him, maybe it was curiosity, maybe it was the lack of anything better to do, but as the clouds rolled in and the rain came, he moved closer to allow for his hat to cover the stranger. They spoke very few words as they watched the moon descend and the sun begin to rise and eventually they parted ways, but Scaramouche wondered if maybe this was a sign.

No, that's ridiculous right? He was just imagining how happy the traveler would be if they knew he made a friend right? He wished he could talk to them, but even the wind was avoiding him suddenly. He was feeling abandoned as the weight of everything settled in for him. This wasn't something he could undo, and frankly it was tearing him apart at the seams. He decided to stay in the land of contracts on a mere whim, the scenery was too warm and cheery for his tastes, but he could live with it. The man he had met, he came to eventually learn, was an 'adeptus' a being meant to protect Liyue and its people from the hatred and negativity left over from the slain gods Morax had killed during the archon war.

He later observed the adeptus frequently stopping at a place named 'Wangshu Inn', though he discovered this inn didn't actually have any rooms to stay in, which made no sense to him whatsoever. He later decided to check out the harbor, once upon a long long time ago, a certain ginger was real sweet on a man that lived here. When he first met Zhongli, he was apprehensive, but the archon had no knowledge of him or his old ties to the Fatui. To Zhongli, the wanderer from Sumeru that introduced himself as Scaramouche, he only sensed that the man was a puppet and not a human.

He invited the puppet to tea, a warm smile on his face when he accepted and they shared tea at one of the restaurants. "How is Ei these days? I've heard she's changed..." Zhongli asked without much thought, but seeing the puppet tense up, he realized his mistake and cleared his throat. "I see... I take it you and her do not have a good relationship then. Forgive me for mentioning it."

Scaramouche wasn't sure what to say after that, he had never talked to another god aside from Kusanali, and his very brief conversation with his mother. Morax was much older than either of them, one of the only remaining two original archons. The silence as they drank the tea was surprisingly relaxed though, there was no need to make small talk it seemed and he was grateful for that. He watched the people as they went about their work before one person caught his eyes.

--Xiao--

His golden eyes widened in shock as he saw the stranger clad in blue sitting with Zhongli. He couldn't sense anything from him though, it's like he didn't exist. The warm amber eyes of the archon twinkled in amusement as the two stores at each other, fate it seemed, had brought two lost souls together once more. Or perhaps Zhongli still had a few tricks up his sleeves? For whatever reason, Xiao was almost relieved to see the stranger again, having almost convinced himself the entire night had been a dream.

Scaramouche was the first to recover, and grinned at the yaksha. "Well? Take a picture, they last longer you know." Xiao was a bit taken aback but looked towards the archon instead. "Oh? Ignoring me now? Alright then, go ahead." Xiao didn't miss the bitter undertone of those words, but he wasn't sure what to do.

"Xiao, this is Scaramouche. He's a wanderer from Sumeru. He also knew your friend," Zhongli explained and Scaramouche looked at him in disbelief.

"How did you-"

"You knew them too?"

There was something akin to surprise but also desperation in his voice as he looked at Scaramouche. How was it possible he knew the traveler, and was still alive? Their death... That was nearly five centuries ago now.

Scaramouche nodded, "Yes, I knew them... they helped me so much- I couldn't ever repay my debt to them..."

Xiao didn't have to know anymore. They were the same, somehow, there was someone who knew his pain. Someone that shared his sorrow, mourned the same person. And there was doubt in the yaksha's mind that this strange man had also loved the traveler. He wasn't alone in his suffering.

Zhongli cleared his throat, "I believe I should be going now, thank you for the drink though. I'll leave you with the bill as I do not have any mora with me presently."

Xiao rolled his eyes, "When do you ever remember to bring mora?"

Scaramouche shook his head, "It's alright, I don't mind. But if you have a moment... I wouldn't mind getting to know one of the Traveler's friends ... I thought most of them were.... gone by now."

Xiao nodded and took Zhongli's seat. "My name is Xiao..."

--bonus--

Zhongli made his way to where he had noticed the blonde hair and outlandish clothes, he let out a sigh when his eyes met with the teal of the other archon. "It's truly distasteful that you've taken the form of them ... If Xiao were to ever see you-"

"Relax, I'd never get caught. Not by your little boy scout at least. As for why I wanted to speak with you. I think you already know." The bard grinned, it was unsettling however, seeing it on the face of someone who was so kind and compassionate.

"Let's move to somewhere more private then. No one must know what really happened."

#genshin impact #genshin xiao #xiao #xiao x wanderer #genshin wanderer #wanderer #wanderer x xiao

[bpro-cardstories]

Akane Fudo SSR ーRequestー

2019 ー SHARED HOUSE [SHARED HOUSE]

"No, how do I say….. We’re also happy that Akane had such fun, you know. We are just a bit jealous, something like that?”

Part 1

ーMagazine photoshoot location.ー

Tsubasa: ‘Here please, you two. The preparations are still continuing, but….. At the moment, we would like you to tell us if anything is different from what you imagined.’

Akane: ‘Thanks, Tsubasa-chan!’

Akane: ‘Ooh…..! Amazing, there are so many sets of rooms!! They’re gonna be everyone’s rooms for “your ideal life alone”, huh…..’ 

Akane: ‘Ah, look, Miroku! That one over there must be my room, right!?’

Miroku: ‘Yeah….. But there is still a lot of staff running around in there.’ 

Staff 1: ‘Hey, make this wall stronger.’ 

Staff 2: ‘Yes! Ah, where do I put the mountain bike?’

Staff 1: ‘That’s it for now, huh. Raise the hammock a bit higher.’ 

Miroku (shakes head): ‘….. It doesn’t seem to be easy.’ 

Akane: ‘O-Oh….. Yeah, y-you’re right…..’ 

Miroku: ‘The bouldering wall, the mountain bike, the hammock and various other things….. There’s no other choice than it being time consuming, huh?’

Akane: ‘Uuh….. When you say it in this way, it makes me feel really sorry…..’

Miroku: ‘Well, since it’s the staff’s job they won’t be angry. It’s just, aren’t they doing too much?’ 

Akane: ‘Y-You think so…..?’

Miroku: ‘Yeah.’

Akane: ‘No, but, but! This room is one you can definitely only dream of!*’ 

Akane (chuckles): ‘If you want to move your body, use the bouldering wall; if you’re tired, use the hammock to relax and if you want to feel the wind, take the bicycle outside and then GO!’ 

Akane: ‘Come on, try to imagine it. Doesn’t it sound super fun!?’ 

Akane: ‘Tsubasa-chan thinks so, too, right!?’ 

Tsubasa: ‘Fufu, it certainly does. This activity is very like you, Akane-kun.’ 

Miroku: ‘No, isn’t that too lively by your instinct?’

Akane: ‘Eh, is that no good?’

Miroku: ‘No good, you say….. Well, it is correct that it sounds like Akane. Generally speaking, you’re full of thoughts about wanting to do fun things.’ 

Akane: ‘Yeah! Ehehe, I’m looking forward to when it’s finished~♪.’ 

Akane: ‘Miroku, when I start to live in such a room by myself someday, you can come to hang out anytime!’ 

Miroku: ‘Heh….. Yeah, then I will do so.’

Part 2

ーIn the house with all 14 members.ー

Tatsuhiro: ‘We’ve decided on the assignment of the rooms….. What should we do next?’

Ryuji: ‘Maybe the people in charge of cleaning, bringing out the garbage or food?’ 

Akane: ‘There are a lot of unexpected things to do in a shared house, huh.’

Ryuji: ‘You may be right. But they’re all necessary when you live together with everyone, right?’ 

Tatsuhiro: ‘It’s troubling if you shoulder it all alone.’  

Akane: ‘But how should we decide the tasks? If we decide them like we did with the rooms through rock-scissor-paper, it’s going to be boring…..’ 

Ryuji: ‘I don’t mind, isn’t it good even if it’s not exciting?’

Akane: ‘Eh, but, since we’re already here, wouldn’t it be nice for it to be more fun? So, uhm…..’ 

Akane: ‘Ah, I got it!’

Ryuji: ‘Hm? What are you going to make?’ 

Akane: ‘Roulette! We decide by a roulette everyday who is in charge of the cleaning or the cooking for example.’ 

Ryuji: ‘That….. sounds more like an elementary school kid, doesn’t it?’

Tomohisa: ‘Ahaha, you’re right. It’s a good idea I think though. The game feels like it makes things exciting.’ 

Akane: ‘I know, right!? Wait a minute, I’ll quickly prepare one!’ ___________

Akane: ‘Taーda, finished~!’

Tomohisa: ‘Hee, Akane sure is skillful. You can spin it around smoothly.’ 

Ryuji (smiles): ‘True. Not bad, Akane.’

Akane: ‘Ehehe~, I’m proud of the roulette, you know! Alright, then let’s start~.’

Akane: ‘Ayye!’

Ryuji: ‘I’m on breakfast duty tomorrow….. Don’t you think it’s going to be quite tough to make one for 14 people?’

Tomohisa: ‘Rest assured, I will help you, Ryuji.’ 

Ryuji: ‘Thanks. But won’t you be busy with your own task?’

Tomohisa: ‘I wonder? I’m….. in charge of throwing out the garbage, huh. I need to properly check later what garbage will be collected tomorrow.’

Tatsuhiro: ‘I’m responsible for the cleaning. It looks difficult, but….. Well, maybe cleaning is easier than rooms like the bathroom and kitchen**?’

Ryuji (shakes head): ‘Aah, those are troublesome, like the toilet or the bath.’ 

Tomohisa: ‘So, the person in charge of them is…..?’

Akane (laughs): ‘Gyaah~! It’s me!’

Ryuji: ‘No way, your words and facial expression don’t match together….. Why do you look like it’s fun?’

Tatsuhiro: ‘Do you like cleaning those rooms?’

Akane (laughs): ‘Nope, not at all!!’

Tatsuhiro: ‘An immediate reply with a smile…..’ 

Akane: ‘Ehehe, I mean….. Cleaning is, frankly speaking, a bit of a pain. I’m glad I made a roulette, because we could decide on who’s in charge of the tasks with everyone.’ 

Ryuji (smiles): ‘I see. Well, it was quite the fun. A good feat, isn’t it?’

Akane: ‘Yay, I was praised by Ryuji~♪.’

Akane: ‘Since we have this, let’s make another one!! Maybe a darts version next.’

Ryuji: ‘Heh, then I’m sure it will be your duty.’ 

Akane: ‘Ah….. I-Indeed…..’

Part 3

Akane: ‘Zzz…..’

Haruhi: ‘…..kane…..Aka…..’

Akane: ‘Ngh….. Zzz…..’

Haruhi: ‘Geez! I said A-ka-ne!’

Akane: ‘Hyaah!’

Yuduki: ‘Ah, he woke up.’

Akane: ‘Eh, eh….. What…..?’

Haruhi: ‘You’re still half sleeping….. Anyways, is your body fine? You were fast asleep in that thing.’ 

Akane: ‘Fast asleep? Wait, eh!? W-What time is it?’

Miroku: ‘It’s afternoon already. You were awake, but didn’t get up, so we left you as it is. You were oversleeping after all, right?’

Yuduki: ‘Did you stay up late?’

Akane: ‘Ahaha, I did….. The talk was getting exciting, you know.’

Miroku: ‘Ashu-kun?’

Akane: ‘Yes, with Yuta, too….. It’s rare, but I was with Goshi and Kento together as well yesterday.’ 

Haruhi: ‘Eh, then you were talking with the four of you?’

Akane (smiles): ‘How rare, right? It often happens that those two would go somewhere else already, if it was like always. I wonder if they were in the mood to talk yesterday? I got so happy that I chatted too much.’ 

Haruhi: ‘How envious! I wished I was also with you~!!’

Akane: ‘Ahaha, THRIVE and KiLLER KiNG having a talk together definitely sounds like fun.’ 

Miroku: ‘….. Akane, you look happy.’ 

Akane: ‘Hm? You think?’

Miroku: ‘Yeah. It must have been quite the fun.’ 

Akane: ‘Ehehe….. Yep, that may be true. It’s been some time since we last had such a talk.’ 

Yuduki: ‘I see….. That’s good to hear.’

Haruhi: ‘Hmm….. But, somehow…..’

Yuduki: ‘….. Yeah.’

Akane (surprised): ‘Eh? What’s wrong, you two?’

Haruhi: ‘No, how do I say….. We’re also happy that Akane had such fun, you know. We are just a bit jealous, something like that?’

Akane: ‘Jealous…..?’

Haruhi (sighs): ‘It feels like Akane was taken by Goshi-kun and the others.’ 

Akane (smiles): ‘Eeh? What’s with that?’

Miroku: ‘….. Because the bond between Akane and THRIVE is different from the bond between us four.’

Yuduki: ‘Yeah….. It felt a bit lonely.’

Akane (blushing): ‘W-Wait a moment….. What are you doing! That’s kind of embarrassing…..!’

Haruhi (sulking): ‘Then pay more attention to us, too.’

Akane: ‘Eh~….. P-Paying more attention, what to do…..’ 

Akane: ‘Ah! Alright then, let’s also do something together with the four of us! Work starts in the evening today, right? We still have about three hours of free time…..’

Akane: ‘Let’s play a game, or go see a movie! How about that?’

Yuduki: ‘If that’s the case, then….. I want to watch a movie, I think.’

Haruhi: ‘Yes, right, right! They are showing an interesting one right now!’ 

Yuduki: ‘The car action one?’

Haruhi: ‘Correct, that one! If I’m not wrong, the cinema near here should be playing that movie, too.’ 

Miroku: ‘Isn’t that good, then? It’s a place where it’s easy for us to go to the studio.’ 

Akane: ‘Great, it’s decided!! It sure has been a long time since we went to see a movie together.’ 

Yuduki: ‘Yeah….. I can’t wait.’ 

Akane: ‘Ehehe. Good, let’s get ready and go out!’ 

END _________________ 

* I’m sorry, this sentence is more of a guess from the words rather than a translation, because the Japanese here didn’t make sense to me.

** Mizumawari (水回り): This is one is a bit tricky, because there’s no exact English translation for it. This expression is used for areas where lots of water is used in houses. The dictionary gives kitchen and bathroom as examples and those are probably what you associate the most when thinking about house areas with lots of water use. 

#b project #b-project #akane fudo #killer king #myps #card:2019

[idkthisisjustforfanfic]

U N P L A N N E D, part 1

There was one other time when you found yourself like this. Just once. 

In a bathroom stall in your college dorm room, your roommate on the other side with bated breath. What’s it say? She had asked, her voice echoing off the beige tiles that spilled into the messy living room, littered with solo cups and stale tortilla chips.

This time you were alone. No roommate on the other side of the door, no beige tile. Instead, a clean, white bathroom nestled on the third floor of the Los Angeles Facebook office. 

The white plastic stick in your hand, this time, showed a tiny plus sign. A light pink symbol of what was usually happiness. But alone in the bathroom at work didn’t feel like a happy place. 

You stared down at it, wondering if the tears in your eyes were responsible for the blurring of the result. You shook it, wiped at your eyes, and checked again. Still positive. 

So you capped it and tossed it into the top drawer of your desk a few minutes later, more than happy to pretend that it wasn’t a looming disaster. A life-changing, career-altering disaster. 

When it burned a hole in your drawer, begging you to open it and pray that the plus sign had changed, you decided to text Lexi. 

Y/N L/N (3:34pm): Broke down and took a test. 

You put your phone face down, hoping that an impending text from your roommate wouldn’t create a higher heart rate than what was already pounding in your ears. You tried to take a few breaths. 

This wasn’t the plan. This wasn’t the way you pictured life and it certainly wasn’t the way you pictured your summer. When the phone buzzed next to your mouse, you grabbed it so quickly you almost dropped it to the floor. 

Lexi MacMillan (3:35pm): And??

Y/N L/N (3:35pm): Positive.

You stared at the screen, watched as the three dots appeared, disappeared, appeared again, and then vanished. You imagined Lexi sitting on set, maybe in her dressing room or maybe right beside her co-star, typing and erasing, typing and erasing. 

You ignored the email that came through on your computer, likely a request from a team member to edit one of your last images, this marketing campaign is due at 5pm! This marketing campaign was also the furthest thing from your mind right now. 

Your phone started buzzing in your hand, a picture of Lexi with big white sunglasses splashed itself across the screen. You answered it quickly, holding a hand up to your mouth to keep your voice low and your words private.

“Hi,” you said, heading back for the bathroom that was around the corner from your office. 

“What the actual fuck, dude? Are you serious?”

“Yes--why would I lie about that? Do you think I’m that twisted?!”

She let out a noise of exasperation. “No, I just--I don’t know--I thought you were being paranoid or some shit! I didn’t think it was actually possible!”

“Me neither,” you said, shutting the door behind you and leaning against the cool metal. “I don’t know what to do.”

“Hey, it’s okay, it’s alright. People get false positives all the time, right?”

Her voice was suddenly more relaxed than it had been, like she realized how serious this was and how fucked you were. 

“I think people get false negatives,” you replied, defeated.

“Okay, well, you can take another test tonight.”

“Okay.”

“And then if it’s still positive, you have to go to the doctor. That’s the first thing.”

“Right.”

“They’ll do another test there,” she informed you. 

“Uh huh.”

You thought back to your most recent sexual encounter, half drunk and giggly, white linens and sneaking out when he was asleep on top a memory foam pillow. Lexi already made it home, she was high on the couch with a bag of pretzels when you sauntered in at 4am. You made pizza bagels and laughed until sunrise about the fact that you hadn’t gotten laid in what felt like ages. 

I don’t know how you made it that long, she said. You must have an extremely low sex drive. 

Or you just have a high one, you laughed. You’re always horny. 

You didn’t think about it again for weeks. Okay, that was a lie. The drinks were good and the sex had been even better. Lexi had dragged you along to the party even though you knew all the players. You had deadlines for days coming up and a Sunday night didn’t seem like a good time to end up drunk somewhere near Laurel Canyon. But you went anyway.

The first time you realized something might be off was when you were a day late. It never happened. You lived your life on schedule and your period followed the rules--it was no exception. It typically came in the morning, and by bedtime, you were only a bit concerned. You went to sleep with confidence that you’d wake up to it. 

The second day came and went, too. Lexi put on her OBGYN hat and assured you that it was nothing to worry about. Women are late all the time, uteruses have a mind of their own, really. 

Days three and four were busy at work. Five and six were spent finalizing ideas for a new commercial campaign for a product launch, dinner with Lexi and Glenne. It wasn’t until the seventh day, when the light purple app on your phone gave a gentle nudge. Be sure to log your period! 

There was no way you’d miss it altogether. You’d been careful and you watched him toss the condom into a garbage bin in the bathroom through tired eyes. He fell asleep beside you while he traced a circle on your skin--you were sure you’d never hear from him. 

So you slipped out in the early morning light and took an Uber home, knowing that while it might not mean anything, it was at least a story to tell your close friends and to keep tucked away in your mind. 

“Okay--I have to go,” Lexi said suddenly. “Derek’s being a dumbass today and can’t get his fucking lines right, so, I’ll see you tonight.”

“Okay,” you said, voice small, blurry-eyed again. You let yourself slump down to the floor, at least thankful that this time, the tile wasn’t beige. 

You did your best to make it through the rest of the day, playing Lexi’s words over and over in your head. People get false positives all the time! You weren’t so sure, but telling yourself that seemed to quell the nausea. 

Traffic was heavy on the way home, sunglasses pushed up on your face and radio high enough to drown out your thoughts. You parked your car on the same leaf-littered street in Century City, walked the block to your apartment, and dropped your bag on the floor before heading for the bathroom. 

Lexi keyed in right after you sat down, water on to induce the stream of urine that you had prayed for the whole way home. 

“Hi,” she said, pushing her sunglasses off of her face and dropping her keys on the kitchen counter. She let out a small laugh at the sight of you: pants around your ankles, hair up in a scrunchie, pink plastic cap in your mouth as you held the second stick between your legs. 

The afternoon sunshine danced through the window, a breeze from the open sliding door felt like sweet relief in your stuffy first floor apartment.

“Hi,” you breathed out, flushing and pulling up your pants before capping the test and putting it on the counter. 

She took a few steps towards you, her eyes wider than usual. “How long does it take to show up?” 

“I don’t know--a minute or two, maybe? The first one was quick.”

She came over and stood beside you, her eyes on the tiny window where the result would appear. She crossed her arms and leaned over, letting her shoulder bump into yours. 

There was one line forming, like fog fading in the early morning, the other came into view as the two of you stood side by side. You let out a shaky breath--tears in your eyes again when she turned to see you. 

“It’s okay,” she said. “It’s not the end of the world.”

You didn’t say anything in response, but a few sobs escaped through your lips when she wrapped her arms around you. She smoothed your hair with her hand and eventually brought you back to the kitchen, pulling two beers out of the fridge and setting them on the counter as she rummaged through a drawer for a bottle opener.

“I can’t have that!” You said, pointing at it like it was poison, mascara smudged beneath your eyes.

“Oh fuck,” she said, a small laugh from her mouth pulled one from yours, too. “Damn--sorry, it just--felt like a good option.”

“It would be,” you said. “Typically.”

She was quiet for a second. “Is it his?”

You shrugged, staring at the shade of dark red polish on your nails. “Has to be, right?”

“You haven’t had sex with anyone else?” 

She asked as if she didn’t know. You shook your head. 

She sighed. “That, uh, that makes it a bigger deal.”

“I know--I don’t even--what am I supposed to do? Call him up and tell him? I don’t even have his number.”

“Maybe we should call Glenne.”

“No!” You said quickly, shaking your head with force. “Don’t bring her into it yet. She’ll just tell Jeff and I need to figure shit out first.”

Lexi bit her lip, torn between the two options. She’d known Glenne since they were kids, they grew up down the street from each other in Sherman Oaks and when they got drunk enough, they tried to remember the super secret handshake they’d made up in the 8th grade. 

You’d met Glenne plenty of times in college, especially after Lexi became a more permanent fixture in your life. You’d met Lexi at resident assistant training the fall of your sophomore year, but you still had no clue how adults trusted her to be in charge of eighteen students each semester. 

The party was at Glenne’s house--the one she shared with her boyfriend Jeff. You’d met him a handful of times, too, but you typically opted out of the dinner parties or cocktail hours that Lexi invited you to. 

It wasn’t that you didn’t like her friends. They’d always been nice and welcoming, but being the one person not involved in the entertainment industry normally left you feeling like the odd man out. 

What's the latest at Facebook? They’d ask, gathered around a table with wine glasses in hand. 

You’d give them the update, tell them about whatever marketing campaign you’d been working on or whatever new feature you’d helped with, but the conversation always made it’s way back to music or acting or something in between. 

Glenne worked for Apple Music in artist relations, her boyfriend for a prominent artist management firm. Lexi MacMillan, a self-proclaimed B-list actress in a new Netflix series, fit right into their world of Teslas and hedge fund investments. 

She never liked to admit that she came from money, and she was more than humble about the uneven split in your rent or the fact that she often paid for groceries. Your salary at Facebook was good--more than a lot of your other friends who had graphic design and marketing degrees, but it was small in comparison to the type of money the rest of them were pulling in. 

“Well she’s gonna be the easiest way to get in touch with him.”

“I know,” you waved a hand and took a seat at the island. “Just, not yet. I mean, don’t you think I’ll need proof? I can’t just show up on his doorstep and say: ‘hey, remember me? I’m your manager’s girlfriend’s friend’s friend and we had sex one time at your house in late April and now I’m pregnant?’”

She stifled a laugh, nodding as if it was a good idea, her tone completely serious. “I mean personally I would love to see you do that.”

“Well, I’m not,” you said firmly. “There must be rules for this type of shit. I don’t know the etiquette.”

“You mean the baby mamma etiquette?”

You shot her a look, narrowed eyes before you let your forehead rest on the counter, a groan from your lips. “My life is over, Lexi--this is seriously the worse thing that can happen.”

She brought the beer bottle up to her lips to take a swig. “Which is why we should call Glenne.”

“I have to go to the doctor first, okay? That way we don’t stir up any shit without really knowing if they’re right or not.” You motioned over your shoulder to the test you’d left behind on the bathroom counter. The other, from earlier, was still in the side pocket of your work bag. 

Lexi nodded, brown eyes with a new shade of sympathy. 

**

A woman bounced her baby on her knee, big blue eyes looked up at the two of you, nervous and caving inward in the waiting room chairs. 

“Do they all stare like that?” Lexi leaned over and whispered, her gaze fixed on the tiny human beside you. 

“I don’t know,” you said quickly, hoping she wouldn’t make any other remarks. She didn’t--quickly distracted by the nurse who called your name and greeted you both with a smile.

“Y/N?” 

You stood, walked forward and ignored the nervousness in your stomach. Lexi was following behind, she’d been positive and upbeat in the car as if heading over to the gynecologist for what you’d both been referring to as a legit test was a typical Wednesday morning errand. 

“Are you her partner?” The nurse smiled over at her when she pointed at a chair in the hallway for you to sit in. She wrapped the blood pressure cuff around your arm when Lexi pulled her head back. 

“No, just her roommate.”

“Just my roommate,” you nodded, repeating her words as if that’d ease the tension in your muscles. 

The nurse smiled, scribbled a few numbers on a post-it and before handing you a small, plastic cup. You disappeared into the bathroom and realized you’d never thought so much about pee in your entire life. When you were done, you walked back to the small room that the same nurse pointed you towards to find Lexi in the small visitor’s chair beside the paper-lined exam table.

She looked up quickly, a life-like plastic uterus was in her hands. “I maybe broke it.”

“Put it down,” you ordered, rolling your eyes at her childlike curiosity. “Let’s just get in and get out, okay?”

“Knock knock!” A voice from the doorway, Laura Weston, red hair and blue eyes. Her white coat covered a pink blouse, one that matched the color of blush on her cheeks. “Good to see you, Y/N--who’s this?”

Lexi extended her hand and smiled. “Lexi MacMillan, roommate and moral support, nice to meet you.”

“So I hear there’s a possibility of pregnancy?” Dr. Weston sat down on a rolling stool, picked up the chart on the counter and flipped through some pages. She closed it, waited a second, and offered a smile when you didn’t answer. “How are you doing?”

You nodded, licked at your lips, and then met her gaze. “Been better.”

You’d been seeing Dr. Weston for a while--you found her card in the health services building on campus during your Freshman year. Now, a whole seven years later, her smile was a calming presence in a moment of fear and uncertainty. 

“Well, note says you’ve taken two tests, and they were both positive?”

You nodded again. “Just a drugstore brand, though. I don’t know how accurate they are.”

She tilted her head side to side, lifted her shoulders a bit when she rolled towards the counter. “They’re good enough--we’re running the urine sample now and that’ll give a good idea, too. Would you like to do a blood test to be sure?”

“Yeah,” you said. “Let’s do that.”

“Okay,” she nodded, “I’ll have Justine order that for the lab downstairs.” She produced a paper wheel diagram, the colors of the rainbow seemed to distinguish different parts of a typical menstrual cycle. “When was your last period?”

Lexi handed over your phone. “April, the middle of the month. I was due eight days ago.” You pulled up the app that now seemed like less of a friend and more of a source of shame. You were proud of how well you knew your cycle. You could typically tell when you were ovulating, knew enough about your PMS symptoms to know what to expect. 

“And do you know when the possible date of conception was?”

“April 18th,” a tinge of red on your cheeks. “That’s the only possibility.”

So sure, maybe you weren’t the most sexually active human on the planet. Maybe you were slightly embarrassed that the first time you had sex in a good eleven months resulted in a possible pregnancy. 

She scribbled something on a piece of paper, just like the nurse had. A knock on the door that Dr. Weston had shut behind her. The same nurse delivered another post-it note. Pink this time, not blue like before. Dr. Weston took it in her hands and then looked up at you, an unreadable look on her face when the nurse quietly left the room.

“That urine sample read positive, too.”

You didn’t mean to do it again, but another shaky breath left your mouth and Lexi was on her feet, a hand rubbing your back in an attempt to comfort. You wiped at your face, feeling guilty for the outburst of emotion. 

Plenty of people wished and hoped and prayed for this moment. They dreamed about it and tried for years to have this moment. And you’d been stupid enough to stumble your way into it. Ahead of schedule, unprepared, and unplanned. 

“I’ll order the bloodwork and you can do that on your way out--just to be sure. But take some time and when that result comes back we can talk about some options.”

You nodded--her words were a jumble of sounds that you couldn’t really comprehend. She offered a smile and left the two of you alone, Lexi still standing beside you.

“Let’s go do the bloodwork, okay? We can get ice cream when we’re finished!” 

You nodded, wiping your cheeks again before hopping down from the table. You knew she’d keep her word. 

**

The sunny California sky and a cone of soft-serve from McDonald’s made the afternoon somewhat better. You worked from home and went to bed exhausted, almost feeling detached from reality. 

You talked with Lexi that night about having Glenne over for dinner. It’d been a few weeks since you’d seen her, drinks after work one night to celebrate Lexi’s show getting signed for a second season. So when she knocked on the door of your apartment the next evening, Lexi opened it with a big smile. 

“Hi, hi,” she said, opening her arms in greeting. “Look at your beautiful face,” she pinched Glenne’s cheek between her thumb and forefinger. 

Glenne laughed and pushed her hand away, leaning around Lexi’s shoulder to see you in the kitchen. “She’s high already?”

“No,” you laughed, “she just loves you.”

Glenne made her way past her friend, offering you a hug before she set her purse on the counter. She’d always been so poised--perfect, clear skin, hair that was always flawlessly colored and cut. She took a seat on one of the stools and put her chin in her hands, “please tell me you have margarita mix.”

Lexi laughed, rounding the kitchen counter and heading for the fridge. “Oh, do we!”

“Tacos are on the way,” you said, reaching for glasses from above the sink. 

Mexican was always the go-to. You’d moved in with Lexi after college, and when Glenne ended up living only a short drive away, take-out became a regular reason for a get together. 

“How’s life?” Glenne stared up at you. “I’ve been so busy which is why I had to cancel on that movie last week. But--what have you been up to?”

Her question was pointed at you. While you and Glenne were definitely friends, you trusted that she communicated with Lexi a lot more regularly about life updates. 

You cleared your throat, ignored the awkward glance that Lexi shot in your direction when she reached for the tequila above the fridge. “Same old, you know. Just work, and stuff.”

Okay, so lying wasn’t a strong suit. You forced a smile and turned to Lexi, hoping she’d jump in with a hilarious story or funny remark. She was too busy lining up the cups, ready to distribute the liquor. 

You looked back to Glenne. “Uh, I wanted to talk to you actually.”

That got Lexi to turn around. Her eyes were wide, lips parted as if she was thinking oh, you’re doing it right now? 

“Remember in April, at that party--” You trailed off, referencing it as if it was ages ago. 

“The album wrap?”

“Yeah, when I, you know, got laid for the first time in a while?”

She laughed, looking up at you with an amused smile. “Yeah?”

Glenne had been the most excited about your rendezvous that evening. When she’d first introduced you the two of you, she made your promise you wouldn’t get all weird around him. Apparently people did that. You laughed it off and tried to ignore him at the other end of the dinner table--an Italian restaurant in Studio City for her birthday last fall. He showed up twenty minutes late.

Lexi was still now, tequila on the counter, she wore nothing but a pair of shorts and a tube top in the afternoon heat. Glenne was impatient, the smile fading from her face when you broke eye contact with her for a second. 

She tilted her head to the side. “What? You’re freaking me out.”

“I’m, uh, I’m actually pregnant.”

Quiet. Outside the windows, the setting sun illuminated a hazy Los Angeles dusk. Kids swam in a pool at the house next door, their laughter was muffled through the sliding door out to your patio. It felt strange to say it like that. Up until this morning, the word possibly had been sprinkled in, a safe and reassuring disclaimer. 

“You’re joking,” she said, readjusting in her seat, the color drained from her tan skin.

You swallowed. “I’m not.”

She looked over to Lexi, then brought her gaze back to you. “And you’re saying it’s his?”

You rolled your eyes a little. “He’s literally the only person I’ve had sex with in the last year.” Lexi came over to the counter to stand beside you. She leaned forward and rested her elbows on the smooth granite. Glenne just stared at you, still in disbelief.

“I took two home tests on Tuesday and went to the doctor yesterday.” 

What you didn’t tell her is that you cried this morning when the email came through, new test results available from Dr. Weston’s office! Positive. Both the urine and the blood test. There was no denying it now--even if you wanted to. 

“Holy fuck,” she said. “Holy fucking shit. This is not good, you guys.”

“Don’t, Glenne,” Lexi stood back up and shook her head, making a face at her friend. “She’s already freaked the fuck out and she won’t stop fucking crying, okay? She doesn’t need you to add to that.”

You tried to swallow the emotion now, heat to your cheeks when Glenne rolled her eyes.

“I’m not trying to add to it--I’m just--I have no clue how they’ll take that.”

You knew who she was referring to. His team. The people around him who’d made sure, for all this time, that something like this never happened. 

She let out a sigh and looked up at you again. She stood from her seat and rounded the counter. “I’m sorry--I just--are you okay? How are you feeling?” She hugged you, it felt more obligatory than genuine. “You haven’t told him, have you? Does he know?! Jeff doesn’t know!”

“No--you two are the only people who know. I haven’t even told my mom.”

Glenne’s arms still encircled you, Lexi stepped over and hugged you both, a kitchen group hug. “This means more tequila for us, Glenney.”

“You’re fucked up,” she laughed in response, pulling away and looking at Lexi. 

It was quiet for a second, that was Lexi’s cue to make them both a margarita. Glenne went to sit back down, immediately going into business mode when she clasped her hands on top of the counter.

She took a deep breath, you were unsure if that was for your benefit or her own. “So--okay. Where are you at with it all?”

“Are you asking if I’m, like, excited? I am not excited. This is not how my life is supposed to go.”

“Oh enough with the plan, will you?” Lexi rolled her eyes and poured the liquor into two matching glasses, nonchalance lacing her voice. 

“Well forgive me for ideally wanting to find a partner before having a baby,” you shot back at her. 

“That’s not what I mean,” she turned around. “It’s just--I dunno, dude, you’re always so hard on yourself if something doesn’t go according to the plan. I get it--this is a big one, but, stressing over your plan isn’t gonna help.”

Glenne nodded, almost reluctant to side with Lexi. “I’ve heard about the plan. You are obsessed with the plan.”

“I’m not obsessed with it,” you retorted. “I just have a good sense of how I want my life to go.”

Had. You changed the verb tense in your mind. You had a good sense, until now. 

“Well, are you...gonna keep it?” Glenne’s question was innocent, her eyes searched your face as soon as the words left her mouth, she looked nervous, like she didn’t know if it was okay to ask.

A tired voice. “I don’t know,” you shook your head. “I haven’t even thought that far.”

She nodded. “You have to tell him. Have you even talked to him at all since then?”

“No,” you laughed. “It was only, like, a month ago.”

“He didn’t text or call?” she pulled her head back in surprise.

You shrugged. “No. I wasn’t expecting that. Why? Did he mention me?”

“It came up once or twice, yeah.”

“With who?”

“With me and Jeff--and Lexi.”

You turned to your roommate, narrowed eyes when she delivered the drinks. You knew she’d seem him once since then--a brunch one morning before Glenne left town for business. 

“I told you about it--he just said you were nice and that we should all hang out,” she mimicked his accent, earning a laugh from Glenne.

“That wasn’t the first time you met him, though, right?” Glenne pulled the glass to her lips, took a sip and then made a face. “Jesus, strong enough?”

“I figured you might need it since your boyfriend is about to be hella upset.”

“Thank you, thanks for that,” you made a face at her. “But no--” you turned back to Glenne to answer her question. “I met him at your birthday party last year--in Studio City.”

“Right,” she nodded. The doorbell rang and Lexi went to greet the delivery person, or, more so, the tacos. 

“But listen, you can’t tell anyone, okay? I don’t even know what I’m gonna do yet.”

She closed her eyes, made a face that told you it was going to be hard to keep her mouth shut. You leaned forward and lowered your voice, hoping to convey how serious this was. “Give me a few days to just--to talk to him first.”

She dropped your gaze, bit at her lip. You knew it was a big ask. Don’t tell your boyfriend something that is about to make his life a living hell. 

“Please, Glenne.”

She let out a long sigh, one that sounded like it was slowly deflating her lungs, tired and unsure. “Fine,” she said. “But you’ve got to get in touch with him then--like, soon.”

You nodded, Lexi reappeared from the front door with a box in her hands and a smile on her face. “Okay--two for each of us and plenty of guac to go around.”

“So,” Glenne pursed her lips. “Need his phone number?”

**

It felt like one of those dreams you couldn’t wake up from. Like a cloud that looms over the city when everyone is dying for a sunny day. 

You ignored the two phone calls from your mom you got in the span of three days--quick to text her some excuse about work or being busy with something at home. It felt too soon to tell her. You didn’t even know what he’d say or what he’d think or do or feel and the last thing you wanted to do was get a bunch of people involved in this before you even knew what to expect. 

There were a few options, in terms of what his response might be. Glenne had continued to prep you that night in your kitchen, the more margaritas in her the more she accepted that she was now complicit. In moments it felt normal, laughing and talking and then watching a stupid youtube video of some kid falling off of skateboard. 

But when you went to bed and then woke up, realizing that no amount of sleep would change the current predicament, you decided that maybe it was time to get in touch with him. 

You had no clue when or how or where. Over text? On the phone? Lexi agreed that was too impersonal. Out to dinner? Too public. In person? Terrifying, and possibly not an option. 

The truth was that you didn’t know him. He was someone who happened to be friends with your friend. Nothing more, nothing less. At least, that’s what you told yourself when you saw a billboard on the side of the 405 with his face on it. 

So you didn’t know if he’d even want to see you--he might consider you an acquaintance or even a stranger and maybe he had no desire to ever speak to you again.

You went about work and life as if everything was normal. You showered and brushed your teeth and took solace in knowing that whatever form of life was inside you was so tiny that it could just as well be a blip on the radar. 

A story in the future of hey, remember that time, when you were, and then it...

Plenty of people got pregnant and lost it, not even knowing until it was too late. You weren’t sure if you were wishing for that, in all honesty, but you knew that the alternative felt too overwhelming to think of right now. 

But when you found yourself sitting outside in the courtyard on your lunch break, a search typed into the app store for pregnancy tracker, you figured that maybe it was time to bite the bullet. If you were starting to think in terms of what size fruit a baby is at any given stage, maybe it was time to loop him in. 

You pulled up your text thread with Glenne--scrolled up past a meme and a recipe she’d sent you, until you found his name and number. You clicked it once, create new message. 

You stared at the blank bubble. A thousand words and a thousand choices of what to say and how to say it. With a rush of adrenaline, you exited out. Clicked the number again, call now. 

It rang. Three times. Then voicemail. A deep breath, you stood from the bench and started to pace. 

Beep. “Hey, uh, this is Y/N--uh, Y/N L/N. Lexi MacMillan’s roommate. I hope you’ve been well since I saw you, and, yeah--maybe we could get dinner or something soon. My number is--the one I’m calling on, so, I know you’re probably really busy right now, that’s fine. Just, uh, yeah, would love to talk with you. Okay, bye.”

You pulled the phone away from your face and wanted to throw it into the bushes. Would love to talk with you? That didn’t exactly do it justice. 

You let out a breath and clicked it to sleep, hoping that maybe it’d get lost in translation and you’d never have to talk to him or see him or think of him ever again. 

Something told you that wasn’t very likely. 

You went back inside and finished up the day of work, thankful for distraction from Aarav when he found you in the lounge. 

“Did you see the request that Carson sent?” He dropped his laptop on the coffee table and headed for the vending machine nearby. “Not to sound like a dick, but, he’s out of touch with reality. I’m concerned about him at this point.”

“Why?” You laughed, “cause he doesn’t understand that we can’t deliver a whole project with only two hours to do it?”

“Exactly,” he leaned down to reach for the bag of popcorn it spit out. “Hopefully he just fucking leaves and goes to fucking Tinder--he could even go to the Instagram department, for all I care.”

“Levi hates him anyway--pretty sure he regrets hiring him.”

He came to sit next to you and then opened the bag, putting his feet up on the glass table in front of you. “Yeah, well, Levi’s out of here as soon as he gets something with Apple.”

You smirked over at your favorite coworker, knowing exactly what was coming out of his mouth next. 

“And then you’ll get promoted. Much deserved, the queen of saving my ass.”

You brushed your hair off your shoulder playfully. “You’re welcome.”

He cleared his throat, opened up his laptop. “Levi’s great--but if you’re my boss, I’m working remotely two days a week instead of one.”

“We’ll see about that,” you said, giving him the side eye when you looked back to your screen.

You fell into comfortable silence--grateful for the change of scenery from your office that was far enough away from Aarav and Simone, the two people who made work feel like fun. So you got back to the project, sent your designs to Carson when you finished, and prayed that he wouldn’t have a fit over the fact that you didn’t take his advice on using the Aileron font instead of Arimo.

He emailed you, eventually, but you didn’t have time to read it. As soon as it opened on your screen, your phone rang--a Los Angeles area code appeared on the screen and you felt your stomach drop to the floor. You looked over at Aarav. “Sorry--I, uh, I have to get this.”

You stepped away, leaving him on the sofa with your laptop, hand still deep in his bag of popcorn. You swiped across the screen, brought the phone to your ear. “Hello?”

“Hi, uh, Y/N? It’s Harry.”

__

table of contents | talk to me + join the tag list

author’s note: Y’ALL. I’m back. As if starting a new story literally DAYS after I finish one isn’t crazy, here I am. Come talk to me and let me know your thoughts or your theories because THIS ONE is gonna be a wild ride. 

tag list: @stepping-into-the-light @thurhomish @afterstylesmadeit @iconicharry @stylesfics-xx @harryspirate @mellamolayla @harryinsweatersandbandanas @stylesfantasy @clorenafila

#unplanned #harry styles fic #harry styles fiction #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles story #one direction fanfic #one direction fanfiction #1dff #harry styles writing #idkthisisjustforfanfic #harry styles blurb #harry styles drabble #harry styles smut

[rogerslovesstark]

Don’t Love You Anymore

Pairing: Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Warning: Angst, Fluff

Words: 3k

“What are you trying to say, Steve?”

“I’m sorry, I just don’t love you anymore,”

Your mind was reeling, was this really happening? Was he really leaving you when you needed him most? You had found out you were pregnant only a couple of hours ago. You wanted to surprise Steve with a little joke you had found online. It wouldn’t even matter now, he doesn’t love you anymore.

Your hands were shaking while tears built up in your eyes, the sobs in your throat ready to flow out. You wanted to know what had happened? What changed from last week as he had told you that he would never leave you, and it would always be you two.

“What changed?” You whispered, if you tried to speak any louder, you would be crying loudly.

Steve sucked in a harsh breath, “I don’t know Y/n, I just don’t anymore,”

You nodded your head, and went into your bedroom and packed your bag. While throwing in clothes into your bag, you started to cry quietly. It hurt to leave, you had just passed your third anniversary. You had moved in with Steve a year ago, on your second anniversary. Guess it didn’t matter anymore, he didn’t love you anymore.

You swiftly got your bag ready, you walked out of your bedroom, over to the door, leaving your keys on the catch-all tray. You couldn’t bear to stay in the apartment any longer. Steve’s head shot up when he heard your keys hit the tray.

“Where are you going?” He asked without thinking, it was a habit for him to ask where you were going, constantly worrying for you and where you were going. You didn’t look over at him, he didn’t need to know anymore. You shrugged and left without a single word.

Steve sat back on the couch, head in his hands, feeling hollow and a shell of a person. The apartment had already felt colder without you in it, you were normally humming a tune softly, but it was silent, only the hum of electricity to be heard.

8 months later

Steve had landed from a mission, it was only supposed to a few week recon mission, turned into a full-blown undercover stakeout. He went back to his apartment, opening the door to a cold apartment. A shiver ran up his spine, subconsciously looking at the gleam of your keys on the tray. Steve felt his chest caved in at the reminder of what had happened before he left.

Where were you know? What were you doing? Were you doing alright? Steve went over to his desktop, searching your name up in the search engine.

There were no results about you, not even a social media link. You had loved social media, were always on it. The cute pictures of you were constantly posted between the two of you. He pulled out his phone to open his Instagram, looking up your name, to not find anything.

Did you delete your Instagram? He had looked through his own feed, the last picture of you sitting at a fancy restaurant table, smiling brightly at his phone. You looked so lovely that night, a pretty white dress and you looked like an angel. Steve was sure that he swooned every time you had smiled at him.

Steve put everything down and walked towards the bathroom which was connected to the bedroom. It hit Steve like a truck when he walked in and didn’t see your socks on the floor. You always left your socks on the floor because your feet were always cold and you wouldn’t take your socks off until you were about to go to sleep.

Tears filled his eyes as he looked around the bedroom and he couldn’t even smell your scent on the sheets anymore. A choked sob left his throat, you were really gone. You had left and didn’t come back. What else was he to expect, he told you to leave, he told you that he didn’t love you anymore.

Steve did love you, he truly did, breaking your heart like that was one of his biggest regrets, the basis of the mission was for a man who had threatened you and Steve, and he wanted to investigate. It would do more harm if you were together than if you were separated, so Steve broke up with you, what a mistake that was.

Steve walked to the bathroom, tears streaming down his face, and noticed the garbage was overflowing. He forgot to take out the trash before he left. Trying to get all the trash out, he noticed a pregnancy test, his heart dropped to his ass. No, you couldn’t have been pregnant. You would have told him.

It was positive. You were pregnant when he told you he didn’t love you. Steve needed to find you, where were you? Steve forgot about the shower, he grabbed his keys and got onto his bike, rushing to the tower to get FRIDAY to locate you and make sure you were okay.

++++

Steve stared at the computer screen in the lab. There was no trace of you at all, it was like you never existed. FRIDAY had said that there was no record of a Y/n L/n in their database, which was ridiculous because Steve had granted you security access to the building. Steve felt a cold sweat break out across the back of his neck. Tears pooled into his eyes, you couldn’t have disappeared like this without help.

Steve ran to Tony’s lab, hoping he would have an idea of where you were. Without even knocking, he barged into Tony’s lab, seeing his friend on the phone with someone.

++++

“Tony, the baby and I are fine, thank you for calling again for the third time today, but I promise if I need anything, I’ll call you,” You told Tony through the phone.

“Actually got to go, we’ll talk later,” Tony snappishly said before he disconnected the call, you rolled your eyes at his tone, smiling knowing he was annoyed that you denied his help yet again.

After you left Steve, you called Tony sobbing and he took you in. Tony was your closest friend besides Steve. He had picked you up and brought you to a small home close to Lake Erie. It wasn’t much, just a two-bedroom home 15 minutes from the lake.

You had given birth to Tobias Joseph Rogers last month, and it was like he was a photocopy of Steve. He had come out screaming and wailing at 7 lbs, 13oz and 21 inches, on July 4, 20XX. Just like his father. You cried for the majority of your pregnancy and the only reason you took care of yourself was for the safety of the baby.

Postpartum depression was also a concern for you because you were depressed during your pregnancy and you feared that you would still be depressed while raising your sweet little boy. He never cried, only fussed when he was hungry or soiled his diaper. Toby was sleeping right now, and he wouldn’t wake up for another 40 minutes so you began to clean up around the small house.

++++

“Who you on the phone with?” Steve asked, hoping he would say you. Tony looked at him shocked.

“When did you get back Cap?” Tony asked monotonously, secretly fuming inside, Steve had broken your heart and left you for dead, and here he was without a scratch on him.

“Couple of hours ago, was that Y/n? Do you know where she is?” Steve asked, a hopeful look in his eyes, Tony wanted to crush that hope out, Steve didn’t deserve you, you were too perfect for him.

“No, a business partner,” Tony knew you didn’t want to see the Captain, you specifically asked for all information about you to be erased from the system and the internet. You knew that Steve didn’t want to be in your lives anymore so it would be better to just disappear.

All hope Steve had was completely put out, you had disappeared. His heart was breaking so quickly, he was surprised that he didn’t collapse to the floor due to all the heartbreak. Tears began streaming down his face, his breath shaking at the thought of losing you, and your child.

Tony watched Steve shake and cry in the middle of his lab, awkwardly he went over and put his hand on the super-soldiers shoulder. He sympathizes with Steve, he really did, he knew what it was like to lose the woman you love.

“Please Tony, do you know where she is, I miss her so much, I had to go on a mission, they threatened her. They wanted to kill her because of me, please you gotta believe me!” Steve sobbed, wanting nothing more than to just hold you and beg for your forgiveness.

“Who threatened her?”Tony asked, his hands clenching at the thought of someone hurting you and that cute baby of yours. That little boy had stolen Tony's heart the moment he was born.

“Hydra, where the hell do you think I’ve been these past 8 months?” Steve shouted.

“Why the fucked didn’t you anything before you dumb fuck, that poor woman spent so long crying over you, thinking that you didn’t love her anymore.” Tony shoved Steve, and Steve took a step back, knowing Tony was protective of you.

“They would have killed her if anyone knew, it was for the best if we weren’t together while I looked for the person who threatened her,” Steve said exasperated, tired from fighting and not having you home to comfort him.

“Follow me, you stupid shit”

++++

You heard the jet before you saw anything, the noise had startled and he woke up whining, annoyed to be woken up from his afternoon nap. You quickly scooped the baby into your arms hoping to settle him and get him back to sleep, because if he didn’t finish his nap, he would be cranky until bedtime.

After numerous attempts of trying to put him down, he wouldn’t stop whining, only when you took him into your arms and held him.

“You such a mamas boy Toby,” You said softly to the infant, his eyes open and staring at you in wonder. You heard knocking on your door, you just knew it was Tony, he had called earlier and he always came by when he called.

“Let’s go see Uncle Tony baby,”

As you walked down the stairs, you heard two voices arguing softly behind the door, this worried you because you knew Tony always came alone, it might be the neighbors, they would stop by once in a while to check on you and see if you needed any help.

When you open the door, you felt your heart stop momentarily. There he was, in all his American glory, Captain America, Steve Rogers at your door, Tony standing next to him, a sheepish smile on his face. You glared at Tony, how could he do this to you.

Steve stared at the small bundle in your arms, that was your baby, the baby that you had grown without Steve there to help you. Steve looked up at you, you looked as beautiful as ever, skin glowing and your hair looked better than ever. It was like Steve was in a trance while staring at you.

Tony was the first one to break the awkward silence, “Sweetheart, you got to let him explain,”

“Like hell, I will, what the hell do you two want?” You said hostilely, holding Toby tighter to your body.

“Doll, let me explain, please,” Steve begged, wanting nothing more than to wrap his arms around you and hug and kiss you till dawn. To hold his baby and kiss, hold, cuddle him.

You looked reluctantly at Tony and then at Steve, you handed the baby over to Tony where he quickly gathered him and bolted to the nursery room.

“Come in,” You quietly said, leading Steve to your cozy living room. It was minimally decorated, not much inside besides a sectional and a coffee table, a small flat screen tv mounted on the wall. It wasn’t much but it was enough for you and the baby, to keep you from your thoughts when the baby was down and you didn’t want to go to sleep yet.

Steve walked in the house, it had the same aura as the apartment when you both lived there. It was small and it felt like home. Steve started tearing up, he felt out of place, exiled from your heart. But he was the one who told you that he wasn’t in yours anymore. Watching you walk through the corridor, made him feel so left out.

You both sat on the couch, you never made eye contact with Steve, you feared if you did you would end up forgiving him.

“Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea, water?” You ask softly, nervous to even be talking, what if he came to take away Toby? Your hands cliché at that idea, nobody was taking your baby away from you.

Steve noticed your hands and just stared at you, “Doll, let's just talk, please,” He said desperately, he picked up on the fact that you flinched when he had called you doll, his heart cracking. All Steve wanted to do was to reach out and hold you, just have you in his lap and breathe in your scent.

“Okay, what happened? I thought you didn’t love me anymore?” You whispered, bring up those words practically tore your heart.

“Y/n, I lied okay? I loved you and I still do. So much. Hydra threatened to kill you, the both of us, that's why I told you that, I thought it would be safer for the both of us if we weren’t together, they most likely had our apartment bugged, so I had to make it believable, please you have to believe me.” Steve pleaded.

You looked at the blond in shock, they had bugged the apartment, how, when? Did they know where she was right now? You stiffened up, worried that they knew where you were and they would come hurt Toby.

“Do they know where we are?” You whispered

“No, I took them all out.”

“By yourself?”

“I did what I had to do to protect the ones I love,” Steve said while taking your hand in his.

“Why didn’t you tell me then?”

“Doll they bugged the apartment if I told you they would have for sure killed us, I needed to make sure that we would both be safe and then take them down,” Steve explained, you seemed to be understanding the idea now. “When did you have him?” Steve asked you, dying to meet the baby.

“Last month, he was born on July 4th, like his father,” You told him, watching as his eyes filled with tears and his heart broke even more.

“are you alright?” Steve asked you, concerned that the pregnancy had caused any damage to your body. You had to go through that all alone, the hormones, the cravings, he missed watching you grow with his child.

“I’m fine, it was quick labor and delivery, only took 2 hours, eager like his father,” You said while smiling, thinking about your cute baby boy. “so what happens now?” You asked.

“Can I meet our baby?” Steve asked quietly, desperate to hold his son. You nod your head and lead him up the stairs, to the nursery where Tony and the baby were. Opening the door to see Tony laying on the floor with the baby on his chest. Toby was gurgling and making a face that you recognized, you quickly grabbed the baby and a towel, throwing it over your shoulder and burping him.

“Did he throw up on me?” Tony asked Steve, Steve couldn’t even pay attention to anything that Tony had said, too entranced by his son trying to burp. Hearing the small noise of him passing gas, Steve smiled and walked over to you two. Tony quickly stood up and left the room silently, not wanting to have to face the upcoming drama.

You feel Steve standing behind you, you turn towards him, his eyes silently asking you to hold the baby. You help Steve maneuver the baby into his arms. Steve starts to break down at the feeling of his son in his arms.

“What's his name?” Steve asked you.

“Tobias Joseph Rogers, Toby for short”

“You named him after my dad?” Steve asked, teary-eyed. You nodded, Steve was touched you named the baby with intention, even if you didn’t know if Steve was coming back.

“Doll, I know that I hurt you, but please, let me back in, I swear on my life that I’ll protect you two,” Steve begged you, wanting nothing more than to hold you and the baby and to call you a family.

“I don’t know Steve, you broke my heart, I can’t do it again,” You whispered, wrapping your arms around yourself as if to protect yourself from him. You wanted to try again, but you were scared, what if he left again?

“You won't have to, I will never leave you, please just let me try,” He begged you, hoping that you missed him as he misses you.

“Okay, one more chance, but your doing diapers for the next 6 months,” You said sternly.

Steve felt his heart swell, he grabbed the back of your head and pulled you towards him with a searing kiss, he had missed your kisses and your touch.

“I promise, I will never leave you again, baby, never again,” Steve whispered against your lips.

You pecked his lips and took the baby from his arms, putting him down in his crib, seeing he was already falling asleep in his father's arms. Once the baby was down, Steve grabbed you and threw you over his shoulder, pacing to the bedroom.

“Steve!” You squealed, he slapped your ass and growled out, “Let’s work on getting another baby inside you,”

++++

Tony heard the bed frame smacking the wall and rolled his eyes and let out a quiet “Nasty fucking idiots”

#Steve Rogers #angst #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers angst #captain america #captain america fanfiction #captain america x reader #captain america angst #captain america fluff #steve rogers fluff #captain rogers angst #captain rogers fluff #tony stark #ironman

[itachi-with-a-chicken]

Come be my teacher - a vhope fic pt. 1

I can't believe I'm doing this

So

Vope/vhope parent/teacher au

Jk is Hobi's baby but for real

Taetae is his teacher

Jiminie is JK friend and Namjoon little bro i don't even know if it's relevant but technically this is a side namjin

As. They are there. Maybe I'll talk about them. Maybe I'll never mention them anymore

Anyway, DISCLAIMER: I DON'T KNOW SHIT. This is not accurate, doesn't want to be accurate and mostly is only for my own enjoyment

Everything I'll write is just garbage and i love BTS all of them yes all of them

And I'll show my love by laughing at them as any mature piece of shit would do

But anyway

Jungkook has this teacher and he loves him the most

Has a father, and he also loves him the most

Jungkook believes that good people should be together

And he also has eyes. He's a seven years old, smarter than any of his peers and with a talent for discovering everything that could give his beloved father an headache

Hoseok is a 30-something editor of a local publishing company

Stable work, stable house, stable life, everything for his own beloved child, so that he'll never feel anything missing

Kim Taehyung loves kids and loves teaching them how to read, write and understand the world around them

He has friends, he has hobbies, he has his own world

And he may or may not have a crush, but that's a issue that he'll not dwell into

As he'll not dwell in the way his eyes linger every time he's waiting for the children to go out and being picked up from their parents, looking for a specific pair of eyes that never fail to acknowledge him and give a nod

He should not, it's unethical, and yet he can't help being mesmerized by the beautiful man

So it's already a precarious and difficult task he has on heart when Jung Jungkook decides to make it worst asking "so, do you like my dada?"

Taehyung felt every hunch of life leave him, leaving behind an empty cold shell of a man

"w-what"

"you like him, he's a cute man, right? You told us that some people like women and some like men and some like both, but honestly i really didn't unde-under-under---- get it. I mean how can anyone know if they like every men and every women, wouldn't be easier to just like one person at the time?"

The waterfall of words nearly overwhelms Tae, but he gets back at it quite fast

"you're right, Jungkook" he says, and smiles, hoping that the bells will save him

Almost like their role were reversed and he went back to ten years ago and he didn't study for the day

"So, you like my father, right? Hoseok, he's the brown hair nicely dressed man that comes to get me every day"

"I know your father" he manages to say " and he's a very distinguished man" he hopes it's enough to distract him

"what does it mean distinguished?"

Mission accomplished.

Or so he thinks

"DADA DADA HE SAID YOU'RE DISTILLATED"

The high pitch was higher than any of the voices it the little yard

Tae is super good at run inside the school pretending he has many important serious things ™ to do

He'll not be able to meet the man eyes for a while

Speaking of the man himself, Jung Hoseok

While he finds weird the abrupt departure of the teacher, who usually have the decency to be sure that all the kids went to the right parent and similia

Didn't think much of it. How could he, when the little hurricane he's rising literally threw himself at him yelling something

"wh-who-what? Slow down kookie"

"my teacher, Mr Taehyung-ssi" the kid was already buckled up in the back of the car

"who said what, brat" asks the voice in the front. Min Yoongi, Hoseok best friend and Jungkook other father figure.

Maybe granpa figure

"my teacher" Jungkook is tired of repeating himself. "He said dada is really distilled"

The words met a wall of silence. Yoongi fought back a laughter, while Hoseok waited until it was safe to stop before asking why, on earth, his teacher would say that about him

"because I asked him if he liked you" the "DUH" was implicit.

Of course.

I mean. Of course. Yes. Make sense. Hoseok is not at all shaken by the fact that the day after he was going to get to work later and apologize for whatever is going on in his child mind

Of course a child wouldn't know why all of that was totally inappropriate

Of course a child wouldn't know what "all of that" even is

But now Yoongi was laughing loudly and Jungkook as well because he was after all a precious child and Hoseok decided it was Yoongi fault

He drives Jungkook home to his babysitter, as per usual, and then back to the office, as per usual

(He ought to remember to leave Namjoon a bonus by the end of the month. It was December, after all)

No words about the weird teacher situation were spoken until Yoongi didn't decide to bring it up

"is the one always checking you up when you pick up the spawn of satan?"

Hoseok stared at him. His expression was enough to make Yoongi retreat. "Okay, not the spawn of Satan. The babiest of the babies that ever babied. But it's him right"

And boi it was him and okay, okay, Hoseok might have noticed that he's not exactly hideous

And being Jungkookie teacher he of course managed to speak with him a couple of time

And okay he knows he's, like, probably a great person based on how his child is being raised

But still. Kid's teacher. Nothing more.

"OH IS SO HIM" Yoongi shouted clapping his hands and calling the elevator

Right, work

They were there he precisely took Yoongi out of his cave to meet with him at the office so they could finish the book once and for all

"you won't avoid the filing work of your own book by distracting me" hoseok mutters, and Yoongi hisses.

"Hoseok. My friend. Soul of my mate. I would never deceive you on a such important matter as the word by word checking we need to do today but"

They stood outside the office, and an hunch Hoseok can explain only as parent instinct told him to wait

"if you were finally screwing someone you oughta tell me"

Exactly

Hoseok face went red and then white. His lips faced downward and the grip on the handle intensified

"I am not. Screwing. My kid's teacher"

He thought his voice was at a normal level but a few concerned looks on the people around then suggested him that it may not be exactly the truthful truth

"DUH! That is exactly the problem"

So, life choose violence that day on Hoseok.

Replies are overrated anyway. He just march inside and sit at his desk and no more mention of Kim Taehyung will be made for the rest of the day

.............................. Ok no mention but his brain cannot be faulted if sometimes conjured up the image of the man. The glasses, the soft sweater, the curly dark hair.

It's not like he didn't struck up to Hoseok in general, and in a different situation he would handled things differently maybe

But reality is reality because is real and is it

So the next morning he accompanied Jungkook at school and the boy even had the audacity to smirk at him when he asked for a word with the teacher

The man looks positively surprised, but when he reaches him he speaks normally

"so, when Jungkook told me I look distilled he meant.."

"Distinguished. Yes. Exactly. I just told him his father looks distinguished"

"well, thank you" oh my Hoseok is smiling and it's like looking at the sun directly

"I-I'm sorry if it overstepped.. something. We just went through the different kinds of relationship and I guess kids are.. excitable

"oh don't worry, it was just funny. I know how Jungkook doesn't really know the difference between spontaneous and obnoxious, and I'm quite sure if anyone is to blame here is Yoongi hyung"

Now, Taehyung is smart enough and aware enough to know he was probably talking about Min Yoongi, the novelist

Also he has seen them often out of school

And Jungkook talked about him like a second father or uncle

So even if he had a little squick of surprise, he wasn't surprised at all

It was only natural that someone as beautiful as Jung Hoseok would have someone by his side talented as Min Yoongi. He read his books. He knows it.

He smiles politely, and so does Hoseok, before departing

And if Hoseok lingered a bit when Tae was walking back to the class

No one would never know

Hope you liked it! Hope I'll come soon with the second part! Byee

#vhope #vope #Kim Taehyung #jung hoseok #vhope fan fiction #kinda ff #mostly rambling #parent/teacher au #a concept

[scenes-in-between]

Trust No 1 (Part three)

“Who authorizes you? I mean, what gives you the right? Who ARE you?!”

“I’m the future, Agent Scully. And I risked my life being here.”

“Well then why do it? I mean, why meet me?”

“Because you can reach Mulder. Mulder needs to know what I know or he may have no future. Perhaps no one will. Another car is parked on the main road, half a mile out. If I see that you haven’t contacted Mulder in the next 24 hours, I disappear and you never see me again. Do you understand, lady?”

Scully stalks away, seething. All of the theatrics, all of the waste, and for what? A two-minute conversation that raised more questions than it answered? What was the point of any of it?

Scowling, she pulls her phone out of her jacket pocket - because apparently it was absolutely necessary to blow up her clothes and her gun and inspect her watch, but Mr. Mysterious had no qualms about letting her keep her phone? - and punches the speed dial for Monica Reyes. Monica picks up immediately.

“Dana! Thank god. We’ve been trying to reach you all day. Where are you?”

“At the end of a very long and very stupid wild goose chase,” she grumbles. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get in touch earlier. How’s William?”

“He’s just fine. John’s in the kitchen right now heating up a bottle for him.”

“Agent Doggett stayed with you?” she asks, surprised.

“Not the whole day,” Monica says. “After that couple left, he went to the office for a while, but then he came back a few hours ago when we still hadn’t heard from you. Seriously though, where have you been?”

Scully answers with a groan, then gives an abbreviated account of the day’s events as she continues making her way back to the main road. Her foot catches on something in the dark and she stumbles, cursing. Of all the times to be without a flashlight…

When she gets to the part about the car and the remote detonation, Monica says, “Holy hell, Dana! Do you need one of us to come get you?” 

“No, he said there’s another car parked up the road. I’m heading toward it now.”

“But are you sure that’s safe?” Monica presses. “What if it’s rigged to explode, too?”

“Whoa, wait, what’s rigged to explode?” Scully hears Doggett say in the background, and she shudders at the thought that she spent the entire day driving around on top of a bomb. However, the fact that she’s still alive right now is a fairly good indicator that she’ll be able to get home safely.

“If he wanted me dead, he had ample opportunity,” she says. “No, what he wants is for me to contact Mulder, which I can’t very well do if I’ve been blown up. I’ll be fine.”

“You’re sure?”

“I’m sure.”

What she’s not sure of is exactly where she is right now. It became harder and harder to track her relative location after she left the interstate. The very notion of spending who knows how many more hours on the road fills her with a mix of exhaustion and dread, and she’s angry all over again at the phenomenal waste of time today has been.

“Maybe you can help me figure out where I am, though,” she says. “It was too dark to read the street signs, the last couple of turns he told me to make, but I was on Route 17 going north for a while, somewhere between Norfolk and Fredericksburg. It’s not much to go on, but it’s all I’ve got at the moment.”

“I’m on it,” Monica tells her. “Can I use your computer?”

“Of course.”

“Here, you can talk to John while I pull up MapQuest.”

Ahead, Scully can just make out the bulk of a vehicle in the darkness. She reaches to unsnap her holster out of habit and grimaces when her fingers catch nothing but the fabric of her waistband.

In her ear, Doggett barks, “What in the heck’s going on? Where’ve you been all day, and why is Monica talking about things being rigged to explode?”

Scully sighs. “I’m going to let her fill you in on the details because I would just as soon not go through it all again right now. Short answer is that I’m fine, just tired and frustrated. I’ll be on my way home soon, hopefully. I want to thank you, though, for helping to look after William. I really do appreciate it.”

“Well, you’re welcome, but I didn’t do all that much. I’m just glad you’re okay.”

She approaches the car, again wishing she had a flashlight. It’s too dark to see anything through the rear windows, but the front of the car at least appears to be empty. Cautiously, she reaches for the door handle; it’s unlocked, and the interior light comes on when she opens the door. There’s a piece of paper on the driver’s seat.

“Son of a bitch,” she murmurs, picking it up.

“Agent Scully?”

“You can tell Agent Reyes that I don’t need her help after all. I’ve been left a map.”

“A map?” Doggett asks. “So where are you?”

Thirty miles. She is all of thirty miles from Fredericksburg. It is going to take her less than two hours to get home. It could have taken her less than two hours to get here. Of all the stupid, pointless, absolutely and completely asinine...

“Just a bit southeast of Fredericksburg,” she says tightly, glancing at her watch. “I should be home by nine.”

“All right then. Be careful.”

“Yeah.”

***

This isn’t the first time Monica has been asked to watch William, but it is the first time she’s had to try and put him to bed.

And he is not having it.

She’s never seen him like this. She’s never felt him like this; William’s energy is always vibrant -- she’s known that since the night he was born -- but it’s usually contained, like the potential energy in a compressed spring. Tonight, it’s like a storm, howling around him as he wails in her arms.

“I don’t know what’s wrong. Should we call Dana?”

John chuckles at her, evidently unconcerned, because of course he can’t feel what she feels.

“There’s nothing wrong. And there’s nothing she could do even if there was. He’s just tired.”

“No, John, I’m telling you, something is--”

“Here,” he says, holding out his hands. “I’ll show you.”

She passes the squirming baby to her partner and steps back, nerves jangling. John gathers William against his chest and starts to walk around the living room, gently bouncing him while murmuring softly. At first, Monica can’t hear what he’s saying over the sound of William’s cries, but as the boy gradually quiets, John’s words become clearer.

“There you go, easy does it, your mama’s gonna be home soon, don’t you worry, atta boy…”

He’s asleep within minutes, energy storm subsided. Monica shakes her head, a little abashed at having so comprehensively misread the situation. 

“You were right,” she says quietly.

“Eh, nothing I hadn’t seen before, that’s all.” He doesn’t meet her eyes, his gaze still trained on the top of William’s head as he slows the bouncing to a gentle sway. “Luke certainly did his share of fussing.”

She didn’t know him then, of course. She’s only ever known him as a grieving father; this is the first time she’s gotten a glimpse of what he was like as a dad, and it makes her unexpectedly emotional. 

“I’m gonna see if I can go put him down,” he says, and she nods, watching him go before turning to pick up the few scattered toys and take William’s dinner bottle back to the kitchen.

***

By the time she has retrieved her own car from where she left it parked this morning, after stewing on the whole drive home and running through the day’s various cryptic conversations over and over, Scully has come to three conclusions.

Number one: nearly everything that man claimed to know about her, he could have learned by bugging her apartment and going through her garbage bins. What did he really give her that was concrete? Knowing her clothing size seemed eerie at first, until she remembered the receipts she’s thrown away from a handful of recent shopping trips. Her childhood clown phobia? She and her mom were laughing about that in her living room a month or so ago. The rest of it -- resting heart rate, ATM pin, college boyfriend, et cetera -- was only specific enough to seem unnerving without actually proving that he knew any of it.

Her emails to Mulder would require some additional access, but that could be as simple as someone following her to the cafe. It’s probably one of the “regulars” that she -- blithely, it would seem -- dismissed as a potential threat.

Number two: while her apartment has definitely been under surveillance, apparently for quite a while, Mulder’s has not. The “one lonely night” the man mentioned? She’s reasonably certain he was referring to the night she asked Mulder to stay after the IVF failed, and that was not their first time together. If, as he said, the events of that night surprised him, then he could not have known about what they had already been doing at Mulder’s place. Or, for that matter, what they had been doing at her place before that night. So now she also knows approximately when the surveillance actually began.

Number three: if this man genuinely does have useful intel about super soldiers -- and that is an extraordinarily big “if” -- then it may in fact be worthwhile to call Mulder home. The idea terrifies and thrills her in almost equal measure. On the one hand, there is nothing she wants more than to have him home. Nothing. But on the other, if she has miscalculated, and calling him out of hiding only ends up getting him killed, she will never forgive herself.

In the end, it is Agent Doggett’s words from yesterday that settle the issue for her. If we know who these super-soldiers are we can go after them. This is somebody giving us a way that can make it safe for Mulder to come home. 

How else are you going to get him home?

It’s a risk, possibly a big one, but ultimately, it’s one she has to take. He has been gone for almost seven months. This is the first time in those nearly seven months that there has even been a chance he might be able to come home. If she lets this chance go by, how much more time will pass before they get another one?

She walks into her apartment having made up her mind. There is a giddy, fluttery feeling in her stomach that is only temporarily eclipsed by ravenous hunger as she steps through the door and the smell of Thai food envelops her. Reyes and Doggett look up from where they’re sitting, at her kitchen table, takeout cartons amassed between them.

“Hope you don’t mind, we got takeout,” Reyes says, standing. “We didn’t know if you’d have a chance to eat, but if you’re hungry, there’s a bunch left.”

The last thing she ate was a bag of almonds from the gas station, hours and hours ago. To say she’s hungry is a massive understatement.

“Mind? I could kiss you both right now.”

Doggett’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline, and Reyes laughs. “I’ll get you a plate.”

Scully nods. “I’m just going to change and wash up.”

On her way to the bedroom, she grabs a plastic bag from the closet. The likelihood is slim that there will be much in the way of usable trace evidence on the clothes she’s wearing, but it would be irresponsible not to even look. She opens the bedroom door quietly so as not to wake William; by the soft glow of the bedside lamp, she can see him sleeping peacefully in his crib, and she smiles, some of the tension from the day melting away. Though she would love a shower, she's too hungry, so she settles for changing into sweats, carefully folding and bagging the "borrowed" outfit, then washes her hands and face before heading back to the kitchen.

Doggett and Reyes have tidied up their dishes and are in the process of putting on coats and shoes.

"We'll let you get some rest," Reyes says, though she’s looking at Doggett when she does. “Whatever else you might have to tell us about what happened today can wait until tomorrow.”

“Unless,” Doggett adds, in a tone that sounds like he’s continuing an argument from earlier, “there’s anything you think we need to know now. Or if you don’t feel safe staying here alone, knowing that this Shadow Man may well have eyes and ears on you.”

“Is that what we’re calling him?” Scully asks, arching one eyebrow. “Look, I appreciate the offer, but I’ll be fine. As violating as it feels to be surveilled by some NSA creep--” she emphasizes the words, fully assuming that she’s being listened to right now “--I don’t have any reason to believe that William and I are not safe here.”

“Well I still don’t like it,” Doggett says, frowning. “Why don’t you let us post a couple agents out front, just in case?”

“I really don’t think that’s necess--”

“That’s a good idea, actually,” Reyes interjects, then drops her voice to a murmur. “Especially in light of what happened this morning. We know you can take care of yourself, Dana, but we also don’t know exactly what we’re up against, here. Maybe the answer is to try and watch the watchers, find out who they are, see if we can figure out who else the Shadow Man is working with.”

Scully sighs but has to admit that’s a sensible course of action. Either the knowledge that she’s being watched over will deter this so-called Shadow Man and his associates, or it won’t, in which case they could be exposed and identified.

“All right,” she agrees.

“Good,” Doggett says. “I’ll take first watch until I can get someone else over here.”

As soon as they leave, Scully makes herself a plate of food and takes it to her computer desk. If the Shadow Man is able to access her emails even when she sends them from the internet cafe, it seems pointless to wait until morning to write to Mulder. The giddy feeling from earlier comes rushing back as she types.

Mr. Hale,

I am overjoyed to tell you that circumstances appear to have changed. Exercise caution, but put the plan in motion. I cannot wait to see you.

All my love,

Dana

She clicks “send” with her heart in her throat, wondering where Mulder is and when he’ll be able to read her message. How long it might take for him to make the necessary arrangements and begin the journey home. He could be in her arms as early as tomorrow, a notion that seemed impossible just 24 hours ago.

She powers down the computer -- according to their plan, his next communication will come via text message from a burner phone -- and picks up her plate to finish eating in the kitchen. A glance out the window as she stands up reveals Agent Doggett sitting in his truck across the street, cell phone held to his ear. She sighs, regretting the additional work and worry she’s given her former partner but also deeply grateful that he’s got her back, he and Reyes both. She appreciates them more than she can say.

With any luck, all of this will soon be over. Mulder will come home, the Shadow Man will give him the information they need to take down the super-soldiers, and things can go back to… well… “normal” for them, anyway. It’s maybe too much to hope for, but right now, she will allow herself to be comforted by the fantasy, at least for a little while. When she finally crawls into bed, later, she falls asleep with her cell phone on the pillow beside her, imagining the sensation of being wrapped securely in Mulder’s arms.

***

“Holy shit,” he breathes, reading her email for the third time.

The library’s just about to close, and he had checked his email one last time before leaving, more out of impulse than any actual expectation that there would be anything there. The surprise of a new email was immediately eclipsed by the surprise over its contents.

Home. He can go home. He and Gibson both, even. No more hiding in the desert. No more ache of longing binding his stomach and keeping him from sleep. It almost sounds too good to be true, but she called him Mr. Hale, the code phrase they established before he left so he’d be able to tell a genuine summons from a trap. This is the real deal.

Which means the threat is past. Maybe Skinner cut a deal, hell, maybe Kersh did. Who knows? Who cares?! He gets to go home!

The grin on his face is massive as he logs off and heads for the door.

***

“You’re leaving," Gibson says, before Mulder has even closed the front door behind himself. "You promised you wouldn’t. But I guess I shouldn’t have expected you to keep that promise.”

It's still weird, Gibson knowing what he's thinking about before he's even said anything, but it doesn't throw him for a loop the way it used to.

“No, we’re leaving, Gibson. Both of us.”

Gibson scoffs. “You know I’m not going anywhere. It’s not safe. You might be able to outrun them if they catch us, but I--”

“Scully said it’s safe. And yes, I’m sure the message really was from her.”

Gibson stares hard at him and Mulder thinks as forcefully and loudly and clearly as he can.

We can both be free. I swear. I will protect you.

“I believe that you believe that,” Gibson says finally. “But I don’t think either of us knows for sure whether that’s really true.”

“Look, I know you’re scared. And you’re right that there are no guarantees. But for the first time since I left Washington, there is at least a chance that it’s safe for us to get out of here. If we don't take it, I don't know when another one is gonna come along. Do you really want to hide here for the rest of your life?"

"If it doesn't mean dying horribly and having my head karate chopped off by an alien replicant? Yeah. I'm fine with that."

Mulder’s thoughts flicker, involuntarily, to Dr. Parenti’s severed head in a jar, to the gash in Skinner’s forehead, to his own memory of being hurled across Parenti’s lab by Billy Miles.

“Exactly,” says Gibson. “I’m not letting that happen to me.”

“I trust Scully,” Mulder says, thinks. “She wouldn’t call me home if it wasn’t safe. She’s too smart and too cautious to take a risk like that.”

This, at last, seems to convince him, if only somewhat. He may not trust Mulder’s judgment, but he apparently trusts Scully’s, at least enough to finally sigh and say, “Okay. I hope you’re right.”

Despite Gibson’s reluctance, it takes almost no time at all to pack. They don’t have much to take, not bothering with spare clothes. Mulder shoves the stuff he printed about Mount Weather into his backpack, along with a little food, the fake IDs from the Gunmen and all of their remaining cash. They’re out the door and on the road in less than twenty minutes.

On the way to the train station, Mulder stops to gas up the motorcycle and buy four prepaid cell phones from the convenience store. Two hours later, as they’re getting ready to board the train that will take them eastward, Mulder types Scully’s number into the first phone and sends a single-word text message.

“Midnight.”

Once the message sends, he opens the back of the phone, pockets the battery, and tosses the phone in a garbage can.

#x-files fanfic #TXF: Trust No 1 #scullyfic #mulderfic #gibson praise #monica whalesong reyes #john doggett #msr #mulder on the run #a/n: this installment of scenes in between was originally going to be in two parts #and then it turned into three #aaaaaand now it's gonna be four #there are just too many gaps to fill in #hopefully no one minds ;) #i promise it won't take me as long to finish and post part four #as it did to finish and post part three

[warriorofdragons]

Lonely Part 1: Much Needed Self-Love

Word Count: 1.7k

Warnings: Language, Sexual Content (NSFW, 18+ Only)

A rough, calloused hand moved up and down Bucky’s dick slowly.

The man’s hand felt strange, but not unwelcoming to the super soldier.

Bucky groaned softly as a thumb swiped across his head.

He grips his pillow with his metal hand as the hand continues it’s slow, teasing motions. Bucky allows himself to close his eyes, and lean his head back against the pillow.

A sound catches in Bucky’s throat and the hand stops.

“Please,” Bucky manages quietly.

The motion’s resume and Bucky’s shoulders relax, “That’s good,” Bucky murmurs.

The sounds of the lube being rubbed up and down his dick fill his ears. The movements start to grow a little faster, and the sensations surprise Bucky, but he wants to keep going.

It’s been so long since he’s been touched like this.

“Fuck, it’s so good,” Bucky moans.

The large hand makes a few long, slow strokes up and down him before returning to short, swift strokes. His breathing becomes heavy and he shifts his legs in his bed.  

Then his muscles in his abdomen tighten the more desperate he becomes for release. Bucky starts to thrust up into the hand and opens his mouth to moan out his pleasure.

He’s so close now.

So close.

Thoughts of her suddenly enter his mind.

Of her smile.

And those tight, fucking leggings she wore in training today.

My God.

They were pink and hugged her ass perfectly, he swears he could make out every dimple in her thighs. No, he shouldn’t be thinking of…the way his arms fit around her shoulders when they were sparring.

Bucky breathes heavily and squeezes his eyes tighter.

And he definitely shouldn’t be thinking of the way the sweat formed on her skin and trickled all the way down her breasts…Or the look of surprise on her face as he pinned her to the mat…

Bucky groans loudly as he finally cums and continues to stroke himself through it until he can’t stand anymore. He catches his breath for a moment and then looks down at where he had cum all over his stomach. Bucky exhales slowly and removes his hand from around his dick and reaches over to his nightstand to grab some tissues to clean himself up. He then wipes his hand with more tissues and tosses them all into the garbage can nearby.

He leans back against the pillow and just breathes heavily for another moment.

His hand still feels like a stranger to him, but less so than before…

He stares up at the ceiling and tucks his metal hand under his head.

He had hoped this would wear him out enough so that he could get some sleep.

Bucky’s facing another bout of insomnia and despite already working out today that didn’t tire him out enough. He glances down at himself and swallows, he should probably actually get cleaned up. Bucky stands and makes his way to his bathroom and runs a washcloth under some warm water.

He hisses as it makes contact with his dick.

Still a little sensitive.

He slowly wipes himself down until he’s gotten rid of the lube and the cum and then rinses the washcloth off and throws it in the hamper. Bucky washes his hands next and makes eye contact with himself in the mirror. He cracks a small smile at how his hair got matted down a bit from the sweat. Drying his hands, he combs his fingers through his long locks as he heads back to bed.

He pulls the covers back up his waist and stares at the ceiling some more.

He blinks a couple times, he thought about her while he was…Ahem.

Well, it’s not like he doesn’t find the woman attractive, it’s just not very professional to think of your teammate that way.

Women in his day never wore pants like that.

It leaves nothing to the imagination.

Oh, not nothing, but…to be fair women in his day wore stockings which were also just as sexy and commonplace as leggings are these days.

God, whoever invented leggings was a genius.

A Goddamn Genius.

Then Bucky remembers the frown on her face as she tried in vain to break out of his grip.

“Come on you can do it,” Bucky encouraged.

She tried again to push him off before going limp, “I can’t, Bucky.”

There was a crack in her voice and a look in her eyes that made Bucky pause.

He sits up on his knees and stares at her as she sits up as well.

“Hey, you ok?” he asks.

She hugs her knees to her chest, “I’m fine,” she says half-heartedly.

“No, you’re not, you wanna talk about it?” Bucky asks.

She shook her head swiftly.

He stands, “Alright, we’re done for the day,” he says holding out his right hand to her.

She stares up at him and then takes his offered hand.

He pulls her to her feet.

The feel of her much smaller hand in his is not lost on him.

“You gonna be good for our upcoming mission?” Bucky asks.

Panic crosses her features, “Of course, Sergeant Barnes! I promise I’ll get this under control by then.”

“Whoa, hey, it’s alright. I’m not trying to get you in trouble, and please call me Bucky, all my friends do,” he says placing a hand on his chest.

She smiles a little at that, “Alright, Bucky…”

“What’s going on with you, huh?” he asks gently and places his right hand on her upper arm.

She gives a small shrug, “I just can’t sleep lately, please don’t get me pulled off the mission.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Doll,” Bucky says, “Besides it’s a two-person mission, there shouldn’t even be any explosions.”

She lets out a small laugh and smiles at him.

He loves her smile.

It’s the kind of smile that could light up a whole room, and he’s been trying ever since he met her to get her to smile every chance he gets.

“If you ever do need to talk, I’m here to listen, okay?” Bucky asks tilting his head low enough to meet her at eye level.

She nods, “Okay.”

“Good,” Bucky says removing his hand from her arm.

He starts to turn away.

“Um,” she mutters.

“Yeah?” he asks raising a brow.

He’s hoping he maybe convinced her to open up.

“Can I…no, it’s silly,” she says.

“I guarantee you it’s not silly, whatever it is,” Bucky says reassuringly.

She looks up at him with renewed hope, “Can I have a hug?”

Bucky immediately closes the distance and she opens her arms to him. His arms wrap around her and he pulls her close. She squeezes him really tightly and then slowly loosens her grip.

The two stay like that for a few moments.

Long enough in fact for Sam to walk into the gym and raise an eyebrow at the scene in front of him. Bucky hears him of course and glares at Sam and his knowing smile as he sets his gym bag down. Which gets the attention of the woman in his arms and she breaks apart from Bucky.

“Oh hey, Sam,” she greets.

“Hey, it’s nice to see the two of you getting along so well. Bucky here doesn’t have a lot of friends or a girlfriend for that matter,” Sam says.

She chuckles at Sam’s light teasing, “I’m surprised a man like him’s single.”

Bucky narrows his eyes at Sam’s comment, “Don’t,” he mouthes.

“Well, I should go shower,” she says turning back to Bucky and patting her thighs, “Thanks for training with me,” she says and clears her throat awkwardly.

“No problem, Doll, I’m here if you need me,” Bucky says.

Sam watches silently as he loads weight onto the bar in front of him.

She smiles at Bucky and then proceeds to grab her things and head out of the gym.

Bucky walks towards Sam and calls after her, “Hey, you got my number, right?”

“Definitely,” she says glancing over her shoulder at him with a smile.

“Just text me if you ever want to train more, Doll,” Bucky says.

“Will do,” she says as she leaves the gym.

Sam finishes putting weight on the bar, “So what was that all about?”

“She’s just having a rough day is all,” Bucky answers.

“Mmhm,” Sam hums, “Will you spot me?”

“Oh yeah sure,” Bucky says and stands behind the bar, “And it’s not like that.”

Sam lies down on the weight bench and begins his reps.

When Sam takes a break and sits up, Bucky pipes up again, “So is she new…to the team?”

Sam looks back at him and raises an eyebrow, “She’s been on the team longer than you.”

“Really? I don’t remember her,” Bucky says glancing towards the door.

“She joined after the Sokovia Accords, Maria and Natasha recommended her,” Sam explains.

Bucky nods his head, “Oh.”

“She was there when we fought Thanos though,” Sam continues.

“Reaallly?” Bucky asks still staring at the door, “Huh, must not have noticed her. There was a lot...going on at the time.”

“Yeah,” Sam says before taking a sip of water.

Bucky turns his attention back to Sam, “So she’s been on the team what? Seven? Eight years?”

Sam pauses and makes a face, “Technically…only two, she…” he pauses and sighs before snapping his fingers, “Just like us.”

“Ohhh…okay,” Bucky mutters turning his head back to the door.

She’s been suffering from insomnia.

Which Bucky knows is code for nightmares.

“She just got cleared for duty not too long ago,” Sam explains.

Bucky nods.

“You seem interested in her,” Sam notes.

“What?” Bucky asks turning to look back at him, “Nooo.”

“Says the guy who called her “Doll,”” Sam points out.

Sam’s timer for his break goes off.

“Listen, she’s just a nice gal is all, and besides like you said I don’t have a lot of friends so…” Bucky says.

“Or a girlfriend,” Sam adds with a smile.

“Alright, break time’s over,” Bucky says patting Sam on the back.

Sam laughs as he lies back on the bench, “I just think she might be good for you, and you oughtta get to know her is all.”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t gonna get to know her,” Bucky says defensively.

Bucky reaches over for his phone on the nightstand and opens his messages.

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #marvel #one of one by duendita is a good companion song to this short series just saying

[suituuup]

Pride Shenanigans

For @lilhan (ugh, it won’t let me tag) who requested fluff + smut. Thank you for your donation! :)

rated: E

word count: 2300

ao3 link

*

Beca can’t really remember what sleeping in feels like. Waking up past eight a.m. hasn’t been a thing ever since they became moms, and while she was hoping their kids would inherit her love for sleep, she wouldn’t change her current situation for the world.

Her heart has just felt so incredibly full for the past five years.

Shortly after Avery’s birth, Beca re-negotiated her contract to be able to work more from home and take care of her daughter. It just made sense, as she was growing tired of being in the spotlight and spending more time on a plane than at home with her family. As grateful as she was for her five-year-long successful career as a singer, she was more than happy to step back into a part-time producer role.

Still though, waking up at the crack of dawn kinda stings. Beca’s still half-asleep, having snatched Jacob and shoved her nipple into his mouth before his cries could wake up her wife. They left him to sleep in their bed after his middle of the night feed, she and Chloe being too exhausted to carry him back to the nursery. 

Beca was concerned at first about this co-sleeping thing, afraid she might roll over and squish their baby, but turns out she’s super cautious even while asleep.

The door squeaks open less than a minute after she started nursing, and Avery’s red head of curls pops at the foot of the bed as she climbs up, crawling on all fours like she does every day for their morning snuggling session.

“Morning baby,” Beca greets with a tired smile as Avery plops down beside her. “Did you go potty?”

Avery nods proudly. “I’m a grown up now.”

“Oh yeah?” Beca chuckles. “Since that’s the case, can you go make Mama a cup of coffee? And sweep the house and take out the garbage?”

Her suggestion’s met with an incredulous frown. “Mama, I’m not Cinderella.”

Beca stifles a laugh, smoothing her hand over Avery’s curls. Their daughter has such funny comebacks, most days. “Oh, my bad.”

Avery places her hand over Beca’s mouth, her nose scrunching up. “Mama, you stink.”

Beca hears Chloe’s barely contained giggle as her jaw drops. Avery’s attention’s already shifted to Jacob nursing. She’s silent for a while, lips pursed.

“Is one of your boobies making chocolate milk and the other normal milk?”

“No,” Beca laughs. “Just normal milk in both.”

“He eats a lot, ” she blurts out next, blinking.

A minute later, Avery announces she’s off to play with her toys and leaves the room, Chloe rolls over.

“She’s a trip,” Beca says, shaking her head as she tries to keep her amusement at bay. When Chloe leans in for a kiss, Beca pulls away lightly. “Careful, apparently I have bad morning breath.”

“Don’t care,” Chloe mumbles, pecking Beca’s lips a few times. “Happy Pride, babe.”

Beca smiles. The first Pride they went to was when they’d only been together about three months. Chloe had convinced a reluctant Beca that it would be fun, and that day happens to be one of Beca’s favorite memories over the last decade. “Happy Pride.”

“Happy Pride, baby boy, your first one,” she then gushes to Jacob, brushing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Still up to go to the parade?”

They ended up not going last year as Beca felt too sick with nausea at the start of her pregnancy, and it also happened to be very hot out.

“Yeah, definitely. I checked the weather, it shouldn’t get too hot.”

Chloe pushes a kiss to her cheek. “Okay, I’m gonna go make breakfast.”

They’re off to the parade a few hours later. Avery is wearing her ‘ my moms rock’  shirt gifted by her aunt Aubrey and Chloe painted a rainbow on each cheek. Beca kept the colors to a minimum, sticking to the face painting but otherwise wearing regular clothes, while Chloe sports her rainbow shorts and her white shirt with a cute dinosaur waving a pride flag.

It’s only an afternoon out, but they look like they’re off on a week-expedition between the stroller for when Avery gets too tired, the diaper bag and the picnic bag containing their lunch.

Chloe has Jacob strapped against her chest in his sling carrier, and Beca doubles-check that they have everything before they’re on their way.

“There might be a lot of people where we’re headed so don’t let go of my hand, K?” Beca tells Avery as they hike down the steps outside their brownstone. They live in family-friendly Park Slope, which comes alive each year during Pride as it’s also notorious for being a gay neighborhood. “And if you lose us, you find another mommy, alright?”

Avery’s Wonder Woman backpack also has Beca and Chloe’s contact information in case that happens.

“I know, Mama,” Avery says, her pigtails bouncing with each excited step. “Maybe we’ll see Noah!”

“Who’s Noah?” Beca asks in confusion.

“He’s my boyfriend,” she replies in the most natural way, and Beca gulps, glancing to Chloe. “He wears cool shirts. And he likes to clean.”

Chloe chuckles. “Then you should definitely hang onto him, sweetie.”

Beca glares at her wife for encouraging their daughter. “Don’t you think it’s a bit early to have a boyfriend, baby?”

She ignores Chloe’s eye-roll.

“Mama,” Avery sighs, in a clear ‘we’ve talked about this’ tone. “I’m a grown up, now.”

“Right, right,” Beca clears her throat. “So what do you guys do together?”

“We talk about dinosaurs and rocks.”

Beca visibly relaxes. “Oh, okay.”

They turn left on the main street and Avery asks Beca to carry her on her shoulders so she can see better.

“All good?” Beca asks, glancing towards Chloe as she holds onto Avery’s ankles to steady her.

“Yeah, he’s out,” she says as she rubs their four-month old’s back, then points across the street. “The park’s that way.”

“Mommy, Mama, look!” Avery gasps. Beca figures she’s talking about the group of five Queens, each dressed in one of the colors of a rainbow. “They’re so pretty!”

“Yeah,” Beca agrees with a smile, happy that her daughter seems to be enjoying their little outing so far. They get to the park ten minutes later, where stalls of face painting, refreshments and art and crafts are set up along one side. They find a spot under a tree, and Beca sets Avery down to spread out the blanket while Chloe unstraps Jacob.

“What’s LGBTQ mean?” Avery asks a bit later as they eat their sandwiches, pointing at one of the rainbows flags sporting the acronym.

Jacob is chilling on the blanket between his moms, munching on his teething toy.

“The L is for Lesbian, which is romantic love between two women,” Chloe starts. “The G is for gay, which is the same but between two men, the B is for bi, which is when someone has romantic love for both men and women,” she pauses, giving Avery time to process her words. “The T is when for example, a man feels like he’s actually a woman inside, in his heart, and he wants to live with his true self. And the Q… stands for Queer, and it celebrates all gender, boy, girl and those who don’t really know, and all the ways that people can love each other.” She smiles, feathering her fingers through Avery’s hair while Beca watches on, her heart soaring with love whenever she witnesses Chloe being the wonderful mom she is. “Some of that might a bit complicated for you to understand still. The most important thing to remember is that LGBTQ and Pride is all about love; how people find love in the world and how people love themselves for the way they are.”

“And love always wins over hate,” Avery states, causing their moms to look at each other with fond smiles. Chloe often says that, and clearly it made an impact on their daughter for her to remember. “Can I get a facepaint, Mommy?”

“Sure, baby.”

They eat lunch and Avery gets a rainbow dinosaur drawn on her cheek, and they lounge for a bit at the park before checking out the parade, heading home when Avery starts getting tired and cranky. After a nap for all members of the household, they bake a rainbow cake and watch a movie before dinner, and Beca feeds Jacob while Chloe takes care of Avery’s bedtime routine around eight.

Once Beca’s done, she flops back on their king-sized bed with a tired sigh, grabbing her phone and opening up instagram. Of course Chloe’s already made a post about today, uploading a picture of their family at the park with the caption:

Happy Pride everyone! #loveislove ❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

Beca comments with a simple heart, setting her phone down when Chloe pads into the bedroom.

“Everyone’s asleep!” Chloe says in cheerful whisper, shutting the door behind her.

“Yay!” Beca whispers back, humming in delight when Chloe climbs on top of her and kisses her softly. “Today was a good day.”

Chloe grins. “Yeah.” She nudges her nose against Beca’s. “Are you super tired?”

The suggestiveness in her tone makes Beca shiver, and she shakes her head, leaning up to brush another kiss to Chloe’s lips as her hands slide under Chloe’s shirt to map the muscles in her lower back. Intimate moments have been scarce ever since Jacob’s birth, and Beca’s been craving more alone time with her wife over the last few months.

“We should go away soon,” she murmurs against Chloe’s lips, sighing in contentment as Chloe skips down to kiss along the side of her neck. “Just the two of us.”

She’s been reluctant to be away from Jacob for more than a few hours at a time, but he’s almost six months old, and she knows Chloe’s parents would be thrilled to have their grandkids for a whole weekend.

“Mhm,” Chloe hums against her skin, teeth grazing Beca’s pulsepoint. “We can get a hotel with a view on Central Park and sleep all day long.”

Beca groans at the thought. “Yeah. Uninterrupted sleep sounds fucking amazing.” She moans when Chloe’s hands slips past the waistband of her cotton shorts and cups her through her underwear, her back arching into the touch. “Fuck, Chlo. Missed you.”

“What do you want?” Chloe breathes, lifting her head to kiss her. “Fingers? Mouth? Strap-on?”

“Not the strap-on. Too long,” she husks, dragging Chloe’s t-shirt up and over her head. She sits up to get rid of her own shirt, her full breasts bouncing with the movement. “Take those off,” she adds, urgency leaking in her tone as she tugs on the waistband of Chloe’s pajamas bottom. Laughter bubbles up her throat when she sees Chloe’s rainbow underwear, because Chloe is  so  extra. “Oh my god.”

“You like?” Chloe asks with a cheeky grin, and Beca flips them over without warning, not sure where that sudden pelvic strength is coming from given the fact that she gave birth four months ago.

“Yeah,” Beca rasps, her lips trailing down Chloe’s chest and pulling a nipple in between them while her hand finds the other, rolling the pink bud between her thumb and pointer finger. She continues down Chloe’s smooth and toned stomach, hooking her pointer fingers into the waistband of her underwear and dragging them down her legs.

Standing up, Beca shimmies out of her own panties and settles back on the bed with her head towards the foot, sliding one leg under one of Chloe’s and the other one over her opposite hip, shuffling closer until their wet cunts make contact.

“Shit,” Chloe exhales, propping herself on her elbows as she grinds her hips down, matching Beca’s circular motions. “ Baby.”

Beca answers with a moan, a zap of pleasure coursing through her whole body as her clit rubs heavenly against Chloe with each pass. She grips Chloe’s bent knee for leverage, her rhythm picking up.

It feels so fucking good, until--

“Wait,” Beca hisses, pausing. “I’ve got a leg cramp.”

Chloe flops back with a giggle. “Fuck, we’re old.”

“Let’s switch,” Beca suggests between pants, knowing Chloe has more stamina and is overall in better shape.

“K.”

Stealing a kiss from Chloe’s lips on the way, Beca settles on her back, one hand curling around Chloe’s hip to steady her as she gets on top, sitting astride Beca in a more upright position.

Beca’s hand moves to Chloe’s thigh while Chloe braces her on Beca’s stomach as she resumes their previous rhythm, only the pressure is much better with that angle. A whimper flits through Beca’s lips as she fights to keep her eyes open. “Fuck, just like that.”

“Huh-huh,” Chloe manages, trapping her bottom lip between her teeth as her head tilts back and her back arches, the movement making her hips buck into Beca’s. “Oh god.” 

“Chlo,” Beca croaks out, digging her nails into Chloe’s flesh as she feels herself nearing her climax. “M’not gonna last long.”

“Me either,” Chloe murmurs, locking eyes with Beca as she picks up in speed.

Beca’s free hand curls into the sheet as she teteers towards the edge, her hips bucking hard as she comes. She twists her head and muffles her moan into the pillow as Chloe keeps going for a few more beats until she cries out, shuddering through her own orgasm.

Watching Chloe come is still hands down the hottest thing Beca’s witnessed to this day.

Flopping onto her side, Chloe cups Beca’s cheeks and tugs her into a tongue-heavy lip-lock.

Beca chuckles when they part, chest heaving up and down. “Happy fucking Pride.”

#bechloe #bechloe fic #ppfandomdrive

[doinlifeafterfights]

Princess Bubblegum’s Friggin Revenge

Summary: It’s been three days, and Princess Bubblegum is tired of it.

Super, super brief writer’s note: Okay this is my first fandom story for Adventure Time!!!! I worked super hard on it for about four hours so I hope you find it alright I tried my best to make it long but I felt it was already getting way too long so I just tried to trim it down to a reasonable length should take you a while to read so maybe get some snacks first before settling down to read it there are no huge warnings for this story I guess just that there are some sad moments in it and the story features Princess Bubblegum yeah I know there’s only one character in this story but like I really wanted to focus on her emotional growth in this one ya know so please bear with me I hope you like it please make sure to leave a comment and a like if I have the energy and a lot of feedback like seriously a ton of feedback I may write another one of these or maybe I’ll just shift gears to focusing again on my Mary Poppins story it’s gonna be titled Mary Poppins’ Revenge Idk just lmk if you’re interested I worked pretty hard on this one so please go easy on me with the feedback but also please don’t hold back I’ll only get better if I get honest opinions ahhh anyway here it is I hope you like it and if you do please don’t forget to hit the heart button at the bottom of this story I’d like to thank every last one of my seven followers you seven are my friggin ride and dies and all of those to come who like this THANK YOUUUU :)

Disclaimers and Warnings: I do not own Adventure Time, I just own the complex plot of this story. This story’s inspiration came out of the blue; I don’t really know where the inspiration came from, I was seriously just legit walking my dog yesterday, and then POOF, a story like this one came to mind… out of nowhere. I have no idea why I had the itch to write this suddenly. Huh. Weird. All right, right, onto the story!!!

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Princess Bubblegum was sitting on her plushy throne. Normally she’d be chewing gum happily, but no, not today. Today she was sullen, sad, crying. March 30th. This made day three of her no longer being with...

“I hate him,” she said. “I hate Finn, I hate him, I HATE HIM!” she bellowed, running her fingers through her hair.

“Jump in the friggin dishwasher, Finn! Do it, do it, do it!!” she screeched to the wall.

Silence.

“Fine. You won’t do it?” She smiled slowly. “Fine, that’s fine— I SAID THAT’S FINE! You know what I’ll do? I’ll make you!” Bubblegum proceeded to make a mini replica of Finn...by using bubblegum. She then ran to her kitchen and opened the dishwasher with the Finn in hand. She opened the dishwasher and—

“HAH, PSYCH!”

She then whipped around to her sink, shoved the mini Finn down the drain. She flipped on the switch.

GNRGNRGNRNGR…

“You deserve the garbage disposal.”

She eventually removed herself from the kitchen to lie on her pink bed. There, she wept softly. It was a long, restless night until finally she was able to sleep again. You know why, reader? Because she was able to realize something. She realized she didn’t need Finn. She didn’t need Finn or his dog, Jake. She didn’t need his blue shirt and weird white hat thingy he also wore for some reason. She had herself, and she wouldn’t miss him, not anymore.

She smiled as her eyes slowly shut.

Writer’s after note: Gahh, I know, I know, I’m sorry, it is kind of short isn’t it. Idk, if you guys care, just ask and I may make this into a series or something, I know it has a ton of potential. But if you don’t care, lmk and I’ll put all my efforts back into the upcoming Mary Poppins’ Revenge story!

#adventure time #love #princess bubblegum #finn #Finn the friggin stupid human #jake #jake the dog #moving forward #bubblegum doesn’t need finn #princess #QUEEN #fandom #fan fiction #fanfiction #please reblog #this must go viral

[gt-fluffy-vore]

Mindtrapped Chapter five: White Pain

Sanders Sides fanfiction

Warnings: Open talk of blood, blood transfusions, severe pain, angst but when is there not, self harm technically?

3183

Virgil forced his eyes open and immediately re-shut them against the excruciating pain. The first type of pain he felt was the stabbing, then came the throbbing, then the white-hot pain sunk in, and he didn't even try to hold back a scream. He clutched at the source of the pain and cried, and then suddenly something was holding his hands down.

"You can not disrupt the process or it may not take correctly." He forced his eyes open and there stood Logan, who was holding his wrists down, and Patton standing behind him chewing on one thumb nail. On a table in the back corner, there was a wet cat Roman with a couple of red stains in his fur. Virgil groaned against the pain and kept crying, struggling weakly against Logan’s grasp.

“Hey, it’s alright. Slow down a bit there, kiddo. Logan’s got you. You’re alright. I know it hurts, but it’ll heal better if you don’t touch it. Alright? Can you hear me? AngelStorm?”

“I hear you.” His voice squeaked with tears. “Wh-What happened?”

“You don’t remember?”

“It is not uncommon to temporarily or even permanently lose memories of traumatic events. But to answer your question, Virgil, you mishandled a kitchen knife and severed your left pedipalp as well as cut your upper chest. You… are you aware of what the death curl is?”

“Like what spiders do when they’re super hurt? Yeah?”

“You had partaken such a position when I arrived. We performed a skin graft on the inflicted area, but the wound has yet to accept the new skin. Until it does the process must not be interrupted.” Virgil slowly lifted a hand to the severed pedipalp and froze. His face went pale.

“You’re not lookin’ too great. Ya alright there, AngelStorm?” Virgil glared at him through unceasing tears. “Oh, right, no nicknames. Sorry! But really, how are you feeling?”

“Like garbage. How do you think?”

He hung his head slightly and he slowly sat on a couch nearby. “What hurts the most? You look really tired.”

“Yeah, no shit I’m tired!”

“It is going to take a considerable amount of time for the exhaustion to fade. You lost the majority of the blood in your body. An estimate of seven and a half liters to be precise.”

Virgil winced. “How many liters am I supposed to have?”

“Given your size, I would estimate ten or eleven.”

“Great.” He sighed through gritted teeth and sobbed once against the pain. He almost couldn’t feel the entire left side of his head. Almost. And every time he moved his whole chest burned. After another excruciating shift in position, he let his frustration get the better of him and screamed. “Jeez, how bad did it get?!”

Logan took this as a serious question. “As I previously mentioned, we performed a skin graft on the severed pedipalp. We also stitched the wound on your chest and applied an I.V. for blood transfusion.”

He looked down at one arm, where an I.V. was inserted. “I didn’t even notice that before.” He gasped again as the movement sent a throb of white-hot pain through the left side of his face. “Ow! Damnit!”

“Can’t we give him something for that? Or, I don’t know, get an ice pack?”

Logan nodded, already leaving the room. “Yes, I shall see if we have any morphine.” He returned a moment later with a bag full of a clear fluid, which he began attaching to the  I.V. beside the blood bag. Fifteen minutes later Virgil was asleep.

“That’s good, right? That he fell asleep so fast?”

“Yes. Especially given how much trouble he’s had falling asleep easily in the past. It is best not to disturb him.”

Logan made to leave. “But wait! I can stay here with him, right? As long as I’m quiet?”

“If you wish. And you as well, Roman. I personally find it a rather pointless action, but if you so wish, I simply advise you do everything possible to stay silent and not disturb him. He needs rest if he’s going to recover from this.” With a simple nod, he left.

Roman meowed loudly and left his table to curl up on the couch beside Patton, laying his head on Patton’s leg. “I know. I’m worried too…”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Virgil forced a few eyes open and stared as the room slowly came into focus. He opened his other eyes and stared. A dull ache had overtaken half of his face and his chest. More than anything he was exhausted. Not tired. Not really. But exhausted. A kind of exhausted more sleep couldn’t help. He looked down at the incredibly oddly shaped medical bed he was on, at the I.V. in his arm, the two bags hanging beside his bed. One was mostly full of clear liquid, the other an empty blood bag. He groaned. His head was pounding and he felt so weak he could barely lift one arm. Then the hunger kicked in, and he realized that despite his many attempts he still hadn’t eaten once today. And of course, now that he had time and wasn’t almost being eaten or being dropped from mid-air or cutting himself open, now he was so weak he couldn’t even move to get himself anything. He moaned loudly and heard a shift beside him. He looked over and there was Patton, still in the same spot on the couch he’d sat down on earlier. Roman, still stuck as a cat apparently, was curled up in his lap asleep. He noticed Roman’s fur was still stained with blood. But more urgently he noticed Patton blinking awake. “Oh! You’re awake!” He was whispering.

Virgil tried to force a smile but decided it wasn’t working between those stupid fangs anyway and gave up. “Yeah. I just woke up. What time is it?”

“Uh…” He glanced around and found a clock in the corner of the room. “Ten forty-five. Oh no!” He had noticed the empty bag and rushed to his feet. He rushed over and grabbed the bag. The I.V. tube was still full, but the bag itself had barely a fourth of an ounce left. He sighed with relief. “Sorry I freaked out a bit. I thought it was empty-empty!” Smiling at Virgil, he stepped over to a cabinet of some kind and pulled out a new blood bag, then stumbled and caught himself against the wall before continuing. He disconnected the old bag and started attaching the new.

“What’s wrong with you?”

“Hm?” Patton looked up from the successfully replaced bag, stared blankly for a few seconds, then shook his head and blinked a few times before finally focussing on Virgil. “Oh, nothing.” He grinned. “Just a bit… tired. Logan said we took more blood from each other than you’re supposed to, but…” He shrugged.

“Oh.” He looked over at the new bag, then noticed movement out of the corner of his eye and looked the other way to see Roman slinking around the doorframe.

Patton noticed too. “Roman, wait! He knows you would have helped too if you could! Please?” After a moment, Roman turned back and curled up in the doorway, hiding his face under a paw. “Logan wouldn’t let him give you any blood. He said it wouldn’t be safe and the amount he could give wouldn’t… make much of a difference.”

“He wanted to?”

“Yeah! We all did. You… you really scared us. We thought… since we can die like this… we thought we’d lost you for good…”

He hung his head. Wow. If that wasn’t comforting… “It was really that bad?”

Patton nodded, tears already threatening to spill over. “Logan was… really scared. He wasn’t acting like it, but I could tell. You scared him — scared all of us — when we found you like that…” He sniffed and wiped his face. “But anyway! Can I get you anything? A blanket? Is the pain back? I could get you an ice pack or something. Or are you hungry? We never finished that-”

Virgil interrupted. “Ugh, yes, I’m starving!”

Patton smiled. A genuine smile. “I’ll be back then. Can you watch him, Roman?” Roman walked over and hopped back up onto the couch. “Thanks, kiddo.” He smiled one last time and left. When he got to the kitchen, Logan was already there, sitting at the table scribbling something down in a notebook. “Oh, Logan! I was just about to go find you in a minute. Virgil’s awake. I just came to make him… something. Got any ideas? We were working on a smoothie when... “

“I had the impression he doesn’t care for sweet foods?”

“He doesn’t. We just couldn’t come up with anything else.”

“Did he express any particular distaste for vegetable juice?”

“Oh. No, we didn’t even think about that.” Logan nodded once and they dumped the blender, rinsed it out, and started gathering ingredients. Once they were satisfied they blended the mixture, poured it into a cup, and grabbed a straw before heading back to the medical room.

Virgil glanced down at Roman, who was staring at him intently. “What?” In answer, Roman hopped over to Virgil’s odd bed and got up on his back legs, balancing against Virgil’s human waist and pawing at him. “What? Do you want something?” Roman shook his head and pawed at the I.V. tubes gently. “What?” Finally, he yowled, bit his own paw, and dragged it across Virgil’s arm, leaving a tiny trail of blood. He pawed at the tubes again. “Oh! The blood thing cause Logan told you no.” Roman nodded. “Why does that matter? I mean, if both of them are… giving me blood, then I don’t need yours too.” Roman gave him no response and instead curled up and tucked his nose under Virgil’s hand. After a while, Roman’s ears perked up and he hopped off the bed as Logan and Patton came into the room.

“Hey, kiddo! Logan helped me make you something so it’s not sweet.”

They both stepped up beside the bed. “Yes, we made vegetable juice. We used apples, carrots, kale, and-” He looked down. Virgil had grabbed the edge of his shirt and was staring him dead on, his other hand lifted just barely, fist clenching and unclenching.

Virgil didn’t even care how humiliating it was that he couldn’t even hold his own cup, he latched onto the straw and didn’t take a second to actually decide if whatever he was drinking tasted good or not; he was so hungry he didn’t stop for air until the cup was empty. Finally gasping for air, he leaned back against part of the bed and closed his eyes. “You really were hungry. Do you want more?” He nodded.

Patton left the room. “Roman, would you mind accompanying Patton while I ask Virgil a few questions? I am… uncomfortable leaving him alone should anything happen.” Roman left. “Virgil, how is your pain at the moment? Is the morphine strong enough?”

He nodded and reopened his eyes. “Yeah, it’s fine. I mean, it still hurts, but barely.”

He nodded. “Ah, I see Patton has replaced the blood bag already.” He stepped over and glanced into the cabinet thing. “As I assumed, that leaves only one left. After the last one, we will have to disconnect the tube altogether and you should be able to replenish your own blood over time. And that brings me to ask, how is your mobility?”

“I can barely move.” He lifted one hand about six inches before dropping it back down weakly. “I mean, I can move my fingers and stuff, but I can’t handle the weight I guess.”

“That is completely normal. With your level of blood loss, I was afraid…” He cleared his throat. “Under normal circumstances that percentage of blood loss would be lethal. I expect you will be unable to move properly for at least a week, maybe longer.”

“A week?! And I’m just supposed to sit here until then?!”

“Yes. I am quite sure Patton would be willing to entertain you and you can be moved to a different room if you wish, to make it less unpleasant.”

Virgil groaned. He liked Patton, he really did, just… a week of nothing but him? Non-stop? And he wouldn’t be able to move right until then? Then, what? He had to ask someone to make him something every time he was hungry? And what would he do when he needed the bathroom if he couldn’t so much as lift an arm by himself?! He sighed and leaned his head back and just then Patton and Roman came back. Patton tried to hold up the cup for him again, but he spoke up. “Wait. Let me try.” He slowly lifted an arm, inching it higher as it shook. It got about halfway there when it fell back and he cursed. “Hey, it’s alright. It’ll get better.”

“No! No, it’s not! It’s not alright! You say it’ll get better and that’s all well and good but what about now?!”

“Well, now you just have to rest. That’s the only way it’ll get better…”

“Rest. I’ve-” He tried to stifle a yawn and failed miserably- “I’ve done that already.”

Logan raised a single eyebrow at him. “And you will do more if you wish to heal properly.”

He groaned in response and after a long moment Patton held the cup up for him. He gripped around the bottom edge with his remaining pedipalp and let Patton hold the top. Now that Virgil actually took the time to taste it, this juice thing actually… wasn’t that bad. When he was finished Patton set the empty cup on a table and flinched when he turned back. Virgil had moved a few of his tarantula legs, which felt impossibly heavy. He felt a pang of guilt at seeing Patton flinch like that. How had he already forgotten that? Patton’s scared of spiders. He knew he couldn’t control it, but he felt like it was his fault. He was the one who had asked Logan to spike his adrenaline in the first place. Actually, that got him thinking… “If I freaked you guys out as much as you said why haven’t you changed?”

Patton gave him an odd look. “I have. You didn’t notice?” He half-turned and wagged a long tail covered in light blue, short fur that was half curled and perked up. Then he sat down and took off his shoes to reveal feet covered in fur.

“As have I.” Logan sat down as well and removed both shoes. A set of talons replaced what used to be human feet.

“The only one who hasn’t changed is Roman…”

“If my hypothesis is correct, however, animal shifts are less likely to change.”

“That… actually makes sense now that I think about it. I mean, it doesn’t make sense, but I C-A-T the connection!”

Virgil put on a poorly-executed smirk and Logan held back a snort and quickly changed the subject. “Virgil, have you regained any memories of the incident that caused this?”

He shook his head. “I remember right before it, and I think I remember someone… Patton I think… someone running off super worked up? But that’s it. It’s nothing to be excited about.”

“Well, that’s plenty to be excited about! You’re starting to remember something! Even just a bit is good, right?”

“If he wishes to regain said memories, yes. Even the smallest amount of progress is progress. I would not suggest dwelling on the subject until you are in a better state of health, however.”

“That might be easier if someone wasn’t forcing me to sit here and watch the wall.”

“Well let’s get you distracted then! What could we do… Oh! Oh! I just got the best idea! We should have a movie night! We haven’t had one of those since we’ve been stuck here!”

“That… is a considerable idea.”

Virgil answered with a shrug. “Whatever, just not Frozen again.”

Roman jumped up enthusiastically and puffed out his chest with a yowl. “Well, it’s decided then! Me and Roman will go pick out snacks and choose a movie and you can wheel Virgil’s bed into the living room!” With a grin, he jumped up and left the room, Roman right behind him. Logan shook his head and strapped the I.V. pole to the side of the bed before stepping behind it and starting to wheel it into the hall.

“Alright, first we gotta pick a movie.” They stopped in front of the movie shelf. “Got any in mind?” Roman nodded and hopped onto a partially empty shelf to knock a case off. “Oh? I thought you didn’t like that one.” He hopped back down and hissed at the case to assure him that no, he did not like it. Then he hopped over and tucked his head under a blanket, then grabbed it with his claws and pulled it in tight, so it sat on his head like a hood. He put his ears flat and hissed, and hung his head low. Finally, Patton understood. “Oh! You wanna watch it for Virgil!” He nodded. “Aww! That’s so sweet!” Roman jumped out from under the blanket and hissed, pawing at him, then sat down and perked his ears and tail defiantly. “Alright, alright, fine.  It’s noble. Is that better?” Roman nodded once and pawed at the case again. “Alright, I’m goin’.” He turned on the TV and the disc player, then slid the disc in and closed the disc drive. “Now let’s go get the snacks while it loads!”

They returned a moment later, just after Logan had gotten Virgil’s bed situated beside the couch. “We’re… we’re watching The Nightmare Before Christmas?”

“I too am confused by this. Is this movie not one of your least favorites, Roman?”

Roman turned his head away and Patton giggled. “He chose it ‘cause he knows Virgil likes it.”

“You chose a movie… you don’t like… for me? Well, now I’ve seen it all.”

Roman hissed and turned away from him indignantly. “Aw, Roman, he didn’t mean it. He meant to say thank you, right Virgil?”

“Yeah, fine, okay. Thanks.”

“See? Now come on!” Patton moved over to the couch and sat on the side closest to Virgil’s bed, then dumped the mound of snacks he’d brought. “Oh, Virgil. I didn’t know what you’d want but since you liked the stuff me and Logan made earlier, I thought maybe…?” He held out a large bottle of some kind filled with something orange. It had a collapsible straw built into the lid. “It’s carrot juice! And I got you a cup with a lid so you can try to hold it yourself if you wanted.”

Virgil reached out a shaky hand and gripped the bottle tight. After setting it down in front of him, he turned to Patton and hoped that he could tell he was trying to smile. “Uh… thanks.”

“Is everyone settled?” At their nods, Logan picked up the remote and hit play.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #fanfiction #patton #ts patton #logan #ts logan #roman #ts roman #cat roman #virgil #ts virgl #drider virgil #spider virgil #mindtrapped chapter five

[pbandjesse]

Its raining. Im so glad. Because today was stupid humid and it made me miserable. I was not in a good place for most of today and that was really frustrating. I just wanted to spend time with James but instead I just was a lump for most of the day. Thankfully I feel a little better now but it was a hard time. 

I was really happy to be home last night and James got home right after I got out of the shower and it was so nice to see him. He was really tired though so while we did spend some time together he fell asleep pretty quick. 

I wasnt up much longer. I am trying to get to sleep faster but it is still hard. And I thought I slept pretty good. But when my alarm went off I was like. Absolutely not. I felt horrible. I slept for another hour and a half but I still felt bad. I thought I just needed to eat. I got dressed and tried to feel better. James had even made us crepes with blueberries. But even after having his lovely breakfast I still felt like I was going to pass out. I had breakfast in bed and I just laid there.  I didnt want to sleep. But apparently my body didnt care about that. James came to lay with me and I was out. 

I woke up feeling worse. Delirious. My hands felt numb. My body hurt. I was just not happy at all. James made me a flat bread for later but I never ended up eating it. Maybe tomorrow. I had some cips and sat with James and tried to shake it off. But I was not feeling okay for a while. 

I did start feeling a little better. But of course then it was time for James to leave. I felt like I hadnt accomplished anything. James had brought stuff in from the car and took the cycling to the center. But I had done nothing. 

So I knew I had to to try to accomplish something. And I am proud to report that I did. Despite feeling like garbage from the humidity. I was able to make 2 appointments! I called the make the referral appointment with the dentist, and I finally have a dermatologist appointment. They both had things go wrong but I did it. 

I made the first call and they were very nice. But they needed to email me some stuff and we had a miscommunication about that and I had to call back 3 times before they understood the spelling of my email. But it got done and I did the paperwork. 

The dermatologist was more of an issue. I called the number the website said too. I was on hold for almost 40 minutes. Then they had to transfer me to another line because they didnt make the specialist appointments on that line. Okay. 10 more minutes on hold. Someone else gets on the time. Has to transfer me again. 20 more minutes. Oh my god. But I finally got someone who was able to make my appointment. But jeez. 

While waiting though I started to put the book case Jess gave me together. And I am super pleased with it. It was a little hard to put together by myself but I got it eventually. It is missing a few pegs but that was okay. I improvised for one but I have an extra shelf if needed. 

I spent basically the rest of the night working on organizing the studio and closet. We have to much stuff. But I had good luck moving things around and making better uses of the space. And I am really excited how organized the new shelf already is. There is still organizing work to be done. I want to move the camping stuff to our bedroom closet. And I have stuff to take to donate. But I am really happy with how everything came together. 

Byt the time I was done I had also accomplished some stuff for me and Jess's planned online store. A couple jackets and sweaters and bags. I still need to make some plans for my handmade stuff. But I felt a lot better once I got moving and I hope that I can just get a sleep pattern more normalized. At least the sun going down didnt knock me down like it sometimes does. Maybe this year will be different. 

I was really dirty from all the moving and cleaning. So I took a shower and I feel a lot better now. And I am really pleased about the rain. I hope it stops for James to come home after work, but if I have to go get him thats okay too. 

James finishes his ride for cancer tomorrow. He is going to ride 100 miles in one day! The plan is for me to meet him at some point in the middle so he can refill his water and get a snack. But I am not sure what time he is leaving so well see what happens. But I am really proud of him. 

I hope you all have a nice night and that tomorrow is a better day. Be safe everyone. Take care of yourselves. 

[wish-upon-a-sapphic-star]

616. Amazing

Remus flopped down on his bed, exhausted. Every muscle in his body was sore, screaming at him to never move again. He wished he could.

I’m too old for this shit. His dad’s voice floated through his head in its soft, rich tone. He smiled a little at the memory. Lyall Lupin would always say that whenever he was tired of dealing with his job, or his coworkers, or the government in general. God, Remus missed him.

In reality though, he was too young for this shit. Far too young. A high school junior with a full class load, several AP classes, and an internship at the Daily Bugle should not be protecting Queens from a super villain made entirely of sand, and yet here he was.

It had taken a full hour to wash the sand out of his costume, refill his web-shooters, and clean his injuries. Turned out sand in cuts was very painful. He made a mental note to fix the rips in suit and possibly find a way to put some padding around the knees.

There were some days he loved being Spider-man. When he was swinging through the streets of midtown to get to school, the wind rushing past him and a few people watching in awe, he felt on top of the world.

Today, however, was not one of those days. Today was one of those days when he wanted toss his suit in the garbage and hang up the hero’s mantle. But if he wasn’t there to protect the city, who would stop the fearsome Sandman?

He groaned. With great power comes great responsibility and all that.

Reluctantly, he forced himself into a seated position, ignoring how painful it was. If he could endure being punched in the face repeatedly by the ever-friendly Doc Oc he could endure this. Right?

All he wanted to do was sleep. But no, of course that wasn’t an option. He had an essay due for history and an AP Chem exam tomorrow, and while he probably knew all of the chemistry course material already, he really did have to write that essay. Why did Sandman have to pick today?

His mom knocked on the door. “Remus?”

He was out of bed in an instant, throwing the Spider-man costume under the bed and making sure all his injuries were covered. “Yeah?”

“Can you change into something a little nicer and come out into the living room?”

He bit back his comment about having already come out a few months ago and, begrudgingly, agreed. This didn’t sound good. He did not want to go to whatever dinner his mother had inevitably planned with her friend in which he would sit there and pretend to care about the conversation, answer a few questions about his internship where he pretended not to notice how much Jameson hated his alter ego, and then be forgotten entirely, all the while acting like he hadn’t just been almost ripped to shreds.

Still, he followed his mother’s instructions. By the time he was done, he was wearing a blue button-down shirt and his black slacks. He combed his hair a little bit to distract from the bruise slowly forming on his cheek. Remus left his room, somewhat satisfied with his appearance. He looked good enough for whatever his mom had planned.

“You remember Alphard?” his mom started, setting aside her book.

Remus gave her a look. No, no he did not remember Alphard. Who the hell was Alphard? “Who?”

“The guy we met at the March for Science last year! Well, anyway, we were talking on the phone...”

“Mom, we had one conversation with this guy. One.” This was unbelievable. He couldn’t do homework because of someone he had met one time?

“Well, he was very nice. We keep in touch.”

“What?” he asked, baffled. “How?”

“Anyway,” she said, drawing the word out for effect. “We were talking, and it turns out his nephew is around your age and he’s also gay!”

That’s it. It was official. His mother was insane. “You set up a date for me?!”

“Well, you’ve been so stressed lately I just thought it might be nice to, you know. Mingle,” she explained.

“Mom. Why in the world would you do this?”

“I’m just trying to be supportive!”

“And you can be supportive without trying to set me up with every gay guy you meet!”

“Well, we technically haven’t met...”

“Oh my God.”

No. This couldn’t be happening. He could not be going on a date when he had homework and possibly more world-saving to do.

“It will be fine,” his mother said.

He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you even know his name?”

“Sirius Black.”

“Oh great.” He threw his hands up in the air. “A name even stupider than mine.” This was great. Just great. Fucking fabulous.

“I’m sure you’ll like him!”

“I barely have time for homework! Why would I have time for a relationship?”

“Well,” she huffed. “Maybe if you didn’t procrastinate so much—“

“I do not procrastinate!”

“Then what are you doing? Why are you always up past 3 am?”

His throat tightened. He couldn’t tell her. Not now, not ever. If she knew, she would be in far too much danger.

The doorbell rang, saving him from having to answer that question.

He took a steadying breath, hoping he looked presentable. He opened the front door.

His jaw went slack.

Standing before him was the most beautiful man he had ever met. Remus got lost in his enchanting grey eyes, but not missing the black leather jacket or the curly hair that went down to Sirius’ shoulders. Nor the motorcycle parked outside.

Sirius folded his arms and looked Remus up and down. “Face it, Tiger,” he said, grinning. “You just hit the jackpot.”

#bonus points if you understand the title #fanfic #my writing #marauders #remus lupin #sirius black #my fanfiction #wolfstar #wolfstar au #spider man #sirius black x remus lupin #remus lupin x sirius black #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #hope lupin #alphard #au #alternate universe #face it tiger #you just hit the jackpot

[mrvillainswife]

mush | amajiki tamaki x reader

a super, super, SUPER late fic a.k.a. part 2 of @denkis-kaminari‘s secret santa gift

summary: a drabbleverse of your relationship development with tamaki, from middle school to a rather unique confession of sorts over the phone a few years later

themes: high school au, friends-to-lovers, reader likes to make tamaki laugh… and blush :’-)

warnings & notes: there’s some crack in this, you can easily tell ahdsdjaklkal but other than that, please enjoy??? // also gender neutral!

(i.)

It was in homeroom that you learned that Amajiki Tamaki got into U.A. High School. The reason you knew about this was because of one Togata Mirio. 

Mirio was loud and big in everything he did and right now his big hand was patting Tamaki’s back, supposedly in reassurance that his decision to go to U.A. with him was a good one. But Tamaki was having second thoughts.

“Can I just return my letter of offer? I don’t want to go anymore; I want to go home,” Tamaki said.

“Ya can’t go now because we’re in school and I don’t think you’re the type to skip school, right? And you’ll be fine anyways! I mean, you did get one of the most-improved scores in the cohort.”

Being Mirio’s friend was both a blessing and a curse; a blessing because he was really good at getting people out of their shell and a curse because he was a little bit too optimistic sometimes.

Tamaki quietly sunk his head onto his desk and mumbled. “Ok,” he sighed. “If you say it will be fine then maybe it will be fine…”

It was not fine.

Lunchtime came around and Tamaki wanted to hurl (himself into the trash can). He felt like garbage and oddly enough, you were the one student to witness him like this. At first, you panicked. Mirio was nowhere to be found and usually he was the one who would be comforting Tamaki in a crisis like this. But this time around, there was only you and you had never really spoke one-on-one with the timid boy.

Fortunately, your nervousness was short-lived when you realised that Tamaki’s face was getting paler and paler. As cautiously as you could, you cleared your throat.

“Amajiki?” Tamaki was startled to say the least and when he looked up through his bangs to see your furrowed eyebrows and slight frown, he retreated further into his seat. 

“Is it okay if I sit here?” You gently asked. Tamaki could only nod, too shocked at the interaction to speak up. Though you didn’t expect him to respond immediately anyway.

You tried not to stare directly into his eyes, just in case you sent him into overdrive, and settled for unpacking your lunch as you spoke.

“Hey, um, are you okay, Amajiki?” You asked, gulping down a mouthful of food. Tamaki’s eyes locked onto yours and you were taken aback by the brief intensity of them. Just one look had made you a flustered mess already. 

“Uhh, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, Amajiki,” you said quickly.

Tamaki looked down at his food and said something that you didn’t quite catch.

“Sorry, what was that?” You leaned a fraction closer and Tamaki gulped. 

“I’m fine, just tired,” he said softly. You leaned back into your chair and nodded.

“Ah don’t worry I understand. It’s a very tiring process, preparing for high school and all. But for you in particular, Amajiki,” you paused, sighing before you continued, “you must feel like a heavy burden has been placed on you to uphold the school’s reputation, right?”

Tamaki was puzzled about how you deduced that from the way his body seemed to curl into itself. His lip quivered as he struggled to find the right words to respond with while you tapped your chin and kept nodding to yourself.

“Mm, I think it’s okay to be nervous about things like this, Amajiki.”

Tamaki actually felt a little calmer now that you were sitting there casually talking with him.

“Ahh, about earlier, I-I’m better now,” he said. You simply smiled at him and continued eating in companionable silence. “Also, thank you for asking me if I’m ok.”

Tamaki sent you a small smile that made your heart quicken at the sudden movement.

“Amajiki…” you started.

He rubbed the back of his neck and looked at you with a small smile.

“Um, you can call me Tamaki, if you’d like.”

Your face heated up at the sudden burst of confidence. Tamaki really didn’t know how much of an effect he had on you.

“Ahhh I don’t feel like I know you well enough to use your first name though,” you croaked. Tamaki looked back down, his shyness returning in full force.

“It’s okay, y-you can use it.” And when he looked back up again, it seemed as if you were radiating warmth from your entire being. 

(ii.)

Tamaki really loved heroes and he really loved talking about them with you because you would nod excitedly and listen for hours to everything he gushed about. It was rare to see Tamaki unabashedly talk without stuttering or slipping one bit and you were glad to be one of the people he felt comfortable being around.  

When he met the pro-heroes from U.A., he would call you up first to gush about every single encounter he had, and today it was about All-Might.

“All-Might really does smile all the time. It’s cool and kind of scary. I don’t have a lot of classes with him though so I wouldn’t know for sure. But from what I’ve heard, he can get pretty fired up too.”

“Kind of like Mirio?” You suggested.

“Now that I think about it, yes. Exactly like Mirio.” Tamaki chuckled and your cheeks hurt from grinning. You could get used to this; talking on the phone with Tamaki after school and making him laugh without even trying… that hard.

“Ugh, I miss you guys. Nejire too. I think we need to catch up soon so I can be revived from the hell hole that is work-study.”

“I think you need more than just us to be revived.”

“Excuse me, all I need is to do is be around Mirio for at least five seconds and absorb his energy; only then will I feel completely rejuvenated,” you deadpanned.

“Are the rest of us just extras?” Tamaki sounded like he was actually offended by the seriousness in your voice.

“No!” You protested, then added, “I love each and every one of you equally.”

“H-hey now, that’s just cheesy.”

“It is, but seriously, can you ask Mirio to send me some of his energy? I’m dying here and I really need him.”

“Are you serious?” spluttered Tamaki.

“Yeeees, I can’t live on caffeine alone. I’ll have whatever Mirio’s having.”

“Ok, I’m hanging up now. Bye.”

“Are you jealou—”

Beep.

And that was the very first time that Amajiki Tamaki had ever hung up on someone.

(iii.) It had been a while since you last caught up with ‘The Big 3’ and Nejire wanted to buy enough snacks so that you’d all be full (of junk food) by the time you reached her house. After today’s workload, cooking was the last thing on Nejire’s mind.  

“Is Mirio coming?” You asked Tamaki, who had his back against the wall. 

“Mirio can’t make it because he has work study today,” Tamaki replied.

“Ah, fair enough.” You sat down on the curb outside the convenience store and patted the space next to you.

“Sit next to me?” You said, smiling up at Tamaki. He didn’t reply and instead seemed preoccupied with the ground beneath his feet. He’s overthinking again, you noticed. It was clear to you that Tamaki was subtly calculating where he should sit and how close he would be next to you. 

You wanted to guide his hand downwards and make it clear that you wanted Tamaki to choose to sit just close enough so that when either of you slightly moved, you would bump shoulders. It was a mushy thought, but you couldn’t help it, you just liked being next to him. But you wanted to pretend for a bit longer.

You sat and watched patiently as Tamaki slowly lowered himself down onto the curb… a whole lot further way than you expected. In fact, Tamaki was exactly two seats away from you and judging by the conflict on his face, from the anguish at his miscalculation to his reluctance to change his seating position, he didn’t mean to be.

Tamaki was regressing back into his thoughts again, so you took this opportunity to snap a photo of him but didn’t realise the sound was on. You jumped at the noise, your eyes finding Tamaki’s slightly panicked expression mirroring your own.

You laughed nervously, “Sorry! It was really good lighting and I didn’t want to waste it.” Great cover, you internally groaned.

Tamaki, whose face was slightly pink, muttered, “You always take bad photos of me.”

“They’re candid thank you very much and anyway, at least they’re not as bad as Kirishima’s.”

Tamaki giggled and you grinned at the lovely sound. You were glad that you could get him out of his head for a bit.

“Anyways, that’s not entirely true,” you said as you got up to take a nice photo of the sunset behind you. “I have some cute ones of you too, I’ll send them if you’d like.”

And with your back turned to Tamaki, you had failed to notice how his blush deepened.

 (iv.)

Tonight you could not stop thinking about Tamaki. He was in every corner, shop window display and person you came across. It was Christmas and the elves were EVERYWHERE. Every time you saw an elf, you would stare at their ears, and then your brain would automatically associate them with Tamaki’s slightly pointed ears that were the exact same shape, only cuter. You didn’t know how many times you’ve freaked out a Santa’s little helper elf by staring at their ears and blushing every shade of red. You didn’t know what to do about it. Though one thing did come to mind.

You grabbed your phone out of your pocket and dashed out of the shopping centre after collecting a pair of complimentary elf-ear headbands for you and your little sister.

“Can we eat ice-cream now?” Your sister whined as you fumbled about with the headband. When you got it to sit as perfectly as it could on her small head, you clicked your tongue and replied.

“Wait!! I have to take a photo first and send it to my friend.” You snapped several shots of your sister, who posed for them despite her eagerness for the ice-cream you had promised her several hours ago.

“Ok that’s cute enough,” you said and sent the best ones to Tamaki.

“I’m always cute,” your sister bragged. You snorted. That was true, but you didn’t want to tell her that again just in case you made her ego bigger than it already was.

You took your sister’s hand and navigated through the packed crowd for some well-deserved ice-cream. As you waited in line, you couldn’t help but check your phone every ten seconds for a reply from Tamaki.

“Are you waiting for your boyfriend to text you back?” Your sister teased.

“Ha-ha no. I’m waiting for Tamaki to reply.”

“Same thing,” she muttered back. You glared at her but rolled your eyes when she shrugged her shoulders in response.

Ping!

The notification rung and boy you had never unlocked your phone so fast in your life.

Tamaki 🐙💞: she looks like she was forced to wear that

You had drawn little hearts around the elf-ear headband on your sister’s head and sent it without context.

You: ummmm it’s cute. plus it reminded me of you

Tamaki 🐙💞: how??

You: you have the same ears as the elves i keep seeing everywhere. tamaki… i think i may have found your long-lost family

Tamaki 🐙💞: okay weirdo

You scoffed. You were glad that you could banter with Tamaki without him getting self-conscious now. But sometimes the easiest way to get a reaction out of Tamaki was to compliment him. And you could never get sick of that flustered face of his.

You: don’t worry tamaki, you’re still the cutest elf boy in my eyes 🥰🥰🥰

Tamaki took a few seconds longer to reply to your message. You could tell by all the backspacing he was doing with whatever he wanted to respond with. You could already picture him blushing while reading your text and it made you smile at your cringey text in satisfaction.

From the corner of your eye you could see that your sister was judging you silently, but you paid no mind.

 (v.)

“You know, Tamaki, you’re pretty consistent with the people that you choose to interact with,” you said over the phone. Tamaki had called you, saying that he couldn’t sleep because he felt worn out. When he asked if you were busy, you had reassured him that you were definitely not busy even though you were stuck on closing duty at your part-time job. No one else was on the closing shift with you, so you had decided to put your earphones in and talk to Tamaki to pass the time.

“How?” He asked.

“Tamaki! Haven’t you realised that you tend to gravitate towards people with, well, sunnier dispositions than yours?”

“That doesn’t really narrow it down though because that could be anyone.”

You cracked up laughing. Tamaki seemed to be funny when he wasn’t supposed to be.

“Okay, I’ll give you that. But, ok, I mean Mirio is basically sunshine personified and although he’s laidback, the guy is a hard worker! Then there’s Nejire, who has pure confidence and honestly, I would too if my speed, technique, intelligence and communication statistics were so well-rounded. How is that even possible? I don’t know. Her resilience knows no bounds.”

Though you couldn’t see it, hearing you talk about his friends with such enthusiasm and admiration caused a faint smile to appear on Tamaki’s face.

“And they’re both so weird!” You sighed deeply, “Tamaki, I think you have a thing for weirdos.”

Tamaki tried to suppress his laughter. “Does that mean you’re a weirdo too?”  

“Oh no,” you mumbled to yourself, pretending to have a dawning realisation. “What have you done to me, Tamaki!?”

This time, Tamaki couldn’t stop the giggle from escaping his lips.

“Oh, wait, Tamaki, I’m putting you in my pocket ok?” You heard an ‘ehh??’ right before you stuffed your phone into your pants and finally locked up for the evening.

You talked on the way home, while you washed up and right until you winded down for bed.

“Tamaki,” you began.

“Mm?” He yawned softly. He was getting sleepier now which was a good sign.

“Um, how are you feeling now?”

“I still can’t stop thinking about what happened today,” Tamaki answered wearily. You felt your heart ache.  

“If you keep worrying about what other people think of you, you’re going to make yourself sick.”

“I know.”

“Yeah, sorry. I know you do, and I know it’s hard as well when your mind is just constantly buzzing. I would offer you my bed, but I don’t think you’d be comf—”

Tamaki made a strangled noise from the other line, “U-Um, that’s okay.” You waited patiently for him to continue, eyes bulging in anticipation for what he was going to say next.

“But can you stay on the phone with me?”

Your heart soared at his request. “Of course, Tamaki, I’ll stay on the phone with you for as long as you need.”

Tamaki thanked you and there was a brief pause because he couldn’t think of what to say next. Lucky for him, you picked up on this difficulty a while back and easily slid into the next topic of conversation.

“You wanna know something, Tamaki?”

“Mm?”

This was it; the point of no return from where your harmless crush on Tamaki would change for better, or for worse.

“Back then, I wasn’t one of the people who ignored you on purpose.” You could feel your cheeks heat up the more you thought about what you were going to reveal to Tamaki. “I noticed you all the time…”

“W-what? Why, or how? I, uhh, huh?”  

“Are you sure? You better brace yourself, Tamaki.”

“Uhh yes? You’re the one who started this conversation?”

“Tamaki!!! Are you ready or not!?”

“Yes, yes, I’m ready.”  

“This is going to sound so shallow and cheesy, or both, oh my god, ok. OKAY,” you raised your voice for no reason in particular; the excess energy in your body screaming to be let out. Tamaki laughed softly and that sound eased your nerves for about a millisecond.

“Tamaki,” you began again, but in a stern voice this time.

“Yes?”

“I always thought you were cute—like really, really, really cute, especially when you played around with Mirio. You always had this small smile on your face when you were with him and I—hold on a second.” You really felt like you were going to tear up for some stupid reason and so you paused to take one deep breath and exhaled… a jumble of sentences.

“I felt so lucky to have always seen that smile up until middle school. Tamaki, you don’t understand—I even thanked Mirio at some point, for being your friend and whatever else, I don’t even know or remember what I fully said. Oh god. Maybe it is selfish of me, but Mirio’s friendliness towards you helped me to become your friend too.” Your voice had barely held up the sternness it begun with; instead, it had turned to mush once you started gushing about Tamaki.

“But then you transferred to UA and I didn’t realise just how much I had missed seeing you in person. And Nejire used to say that I had a ‘thing for shy boys’ and I didn’t know what she meant by that! I only told her that I liked you so much and that I COULDN’T HELP IT. Or maybe I did think you were cute because you were also shy, but you’re more than the sum of your parts, Tamaki. I think I’ve always known that. I just—I just wish I had known you sooner.”

On the other line, you could hear almost every single breath that Tamaki took.

“Maybe I do have a thing for weirdos,” Tamaki contemplated.

Now you were confused. “H-huh?”

“I think it’s like you said; I admire the same kind of people. Y-you and Nejire don’t really have a filter when it comes to discussion topics; you both tend to speak your mind.”

You nearly choked on your saliva. You did not expect this response at all. Maybe a rejection or something but this? You didn’t know what this was.

“What about Mirio?” You managed to whisper.

“You and Mirio are both very warm people. Literally though, the both of you are like walking heaters.”

“TAMAKI WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?”

“Umm, well, these are things you have in common with the people I like, as you said before. B-but what I’m actually trying to say is that high school isn’t the end of the world. It’s only a short time so you aren’t missing much, except… m-me.” Tamaki’s breath nearly caught in his throat at the prospect of staying on your mind for the past year or so.

“Besides, I’ll still be there with you after high school i-if you’ll have me.”

You cupped your mouth in an attempt not to squeal at the cheesiness coming from Tamaki’s mouth instead of yours this time. Once you calmed down as much as possible, you cleared your throat and replied.

“Tamaki, does that mean you accept my long-winded confession?”

“Yes?”

“YES?” You repeated in mock outrage.

“I mean, yes—I like you too AAAHH.” The tips of Tamaki’s ears were burning now.   

You burst out laughing. “I’m surprised you could understand what I was trying to say.”

“I always understand what you’re trying to say.”

“Aww Tamaki, you’re so cute,” you gushed once again. “I’m glad you like me too! Now please go to sleep before I come over there and put you to sleep myself.”

Tamaki passed out instantly. 

#tamaki #dailybnha #tamaki x reader #bnha imagines #Tamaki Amajiki #amajiki tamaki #but also i'm 95% sure that this will have a part 2 in the works bc i feel like it's lazy writing and that ending??? i'm gonna continue it dw #and part 2 will be more of tamaki's pov and post high school ! #i hope tamaki isn't too OOC here AHHH #am open to feedback

[linssikeittomies]

The Place Between Here And There - Chapter 9: ...And Happiness In Private Life

Masterpost     AO3 Chapter 1  Chapter 2  Chapter 3  Chapter 4  Chapter 5  Chapter 6  Chapter 7  Chapter 8  Chapter 9  Chapter 9(cont’d)

This one is super super short(actually just the first few scenes of the complete chapter) because I just can’t shake the writer’s block on this fic. I’m putting this fic on HIATUS, can’t say for how long, but I would like to finish it someday. Cowriters will always be extremely welcome!

--

It had been a major fuck-up to not press Vanya more about his family life last night. That had been the first time he had volunteered information, without any prodding from Al, and would have kept talking if only Al hadn’t been such an idiot! Yeah, sure, he’d been exhausted and in no condition to analyze whatever would’ve been told, but he could’ve done that later! Now Vanya had come back to his senses, and his lips were sealed tighter than Fort Knox! Uuuggghhh!!! Al frowned into his coffee cup while staring at the wall where Vanya had scribbled his number that first time. Back then Al hadn’t been surprised to get a number, but as time had went on, he came to realize that Vanya wasn’t the type of person who went around sharing his number with just anyone. He was picky about the type of people he socialized with, and honestly, it still kind of baffled Al that he had been one of those Vanya accepted. They couldn’t be more different – as charming as Al was, and he was very charming, he couldn’t really get Vanya. Al simply could not understand why Vanya didn’t want to talk about some things, or why he was content with being a silent participant in a conversation, how he could stand not having friends. His life seemed so profoundly lonely and boring, and he didn’t seem content with it, but he wasn’t willing to change it, either.

Maybe it was all just because of that mental illness he refused to acknowledge. It’s never easy losing your parents, and it sounded like Vanya had been pretty young when it happened. He said they had moved to the States in 1996, so Ivan had been, what, around... Uhm, 2015 minus 1996... that made 19... and now Vanya was 32 so that minus 19... Uhhhhhhh around 12. Close enough, Al had never been good at math. Well, 12 wasn’t that young, didn’t sound to Al like a death in the family would be that traumatizing at that age. Al had been 10 when Artie moved back to England, and it hadn’t fucked him up bad. So it wasn’t the exact same thing, but it had been close. Five years of radio silence from someone who was practically his older brother. That’s basically a death. So maybe it wasn’t just a simple death, maybe there’d been some weird, special circumstances. Could be that Vanya had been a huge mama’s boy. Or maybe it had been an accident he was present at, like a car crash. If it had been that, Al sure was lucky Vanya had survived. Kids are so fragile, they can die from the dumbest things. If he hadn’t survived, or if his mom had, Vanya would’ve never moved to America, and then Al would’ve never met him. Al hated thinking that it was a good thing Vanya’s mom had died, but he couldn’t help it – as infuriating and incomprehensible Vanya was, he really was The One for Al. Despite all their differences, despite all their problems, despite all their fights. Al was again reminded of their first ever fight, the one with rape fetish accusation. Dubois had been killed that same night, and Vanya hadn’t replied to Al’s texts until two days later. If Dubois had been found as quickly as the other bodies, within a couple days instead of ten, Vanya would have been too busy to ever be willing to fix his relationship with a guy he had only been dating a couple weeks, max. Funny how many hurdles they had passed without ever knowing they had existed. If Kyle had gotten to Al first, if Al had followed the street signs better, if Dubois had been found earlier… They were like Romeo and Juliet, destined to be together, star-crossed lovers. If that wouldn’t convince Artie that Vanya was awesome, nothing would! He was into occult crap so he must’ve believed in fate, too. Come to think of it, what if Vanya had met Dubois instead of Al that night? He did say they were very similar, he might have fallen in love with Dubois, as well. Al liked to think that he was a special case, that Dubois wouldn’t have been as invested and smitten with Vanya as Al had been from the get-go, but who’s to say he couldn’t have held Vanya’s interest just long enough for Al to pass by unnoticed? Or what if BK had chosen to kill Al instead of Dubois? If they really were that similar to an outside eye, it wouldn’t have mattered which one died. Al was lucky he had been too pissed off to even think about going out that night, or it might have been him strangled and castrated. He wouldn’t have put it past himself to pick up some random guy and agree to an alley fuck. Maybe Dubois had had a fight with his boyfriend, too. Maybe he hadn’t been past having revenge sex. Maybe he had liked rough sex. Maybe he wouldn’t have been scared by Vanya’s violent fucking. Maybe Vanya would have run into him and pounded him into blissful goo. Maybe Vanya would have liked imagining he was beating Al. Sliding doors, like Al had said about Kyle. In one continuity, Al was dating Vanya and Dubois was killed – in another, Al was killed and Dubois was dating Vanya – and in a third, Al had a one-night stand with Kyle, Vanya had no one to pull him out of depression, and Dubois was dead.

~¨:.:¨~

Ivan entered the office with three coffees in hand – two blacks and one with milk. This was the easiest Toris-like behavior to replicate, and would likely raise the least questions since it also benefited himself. He made sure to let Amanda see him set his own coffee down on the desk before giving hers, and she wasn’t weirded out. That was a relief. “Good morning”, Ivan said, without smiling, because that would have been pushing it. Amanda nodded in acknowledgment and took a sip of her coffee, then said a simple “thanks” before opening her computer. When Toris came in, she smiled to him and greeted him cheerfully. After she turned back to her computer, and wouldn’t see Ivan’s face, he also smiled slightly as he nodded his greeting to Toris. That day, Ivan concentrated on trying to replicate the smiles Toris often employed – the ones that didn’t express happiness, but were rather meant to ease to atmosphere. He made it look easy – it came out naturally, at the right time, and did what it sought out to do. Ivan only knew how to do sarcastic smiles, and by the end of the day Amanda was almost angry enough at him to actually say something to his face instead of muttering quietly to herself. Exhausted from the mental work, Ivan didn’t even bother getting out of his coat before collapsing face first on the sofa. “Rough day, huh?” Fredya chuckled. Ivan made a grunt, and Fredya crouched down to see his face. “I know what’ll cheer you right up – some quality cuddles and a good movie!” Ivan was too tired to correct him, and so let Fredya take off his boots and peel off his coat. He nearly refused the cuddles, but surprisingly found that he didn’t mind them much, after all. He still would have preferred a nap alone in bed, without explosions and dramatic bass going off every five seconds and Fredya’s elbow digging into his stomach. Somehow he still managed to fall asleep for a few minutes, not enough to feel rested, but much calmer than before. They heated up leftovers from yesterday, moved back to the sofa where Fredya picked out a new action movie without even finishing the first one, and Ivan took out his notebook to arrange his thoughts. About an hour passed, with Fredya saying whatever came to his mind and Ivan replying with a short comment every now and then, peacefully, until Ivan’s phone rang. That was starting to happen abnormally often – before he had crossed paths with Fredya, the phone would ring once every couple months, mostly work related. Now Fredya called him every once in a while when he was feeling too lazy to type, and even Katyushka seemed to have been bitten by the call bug. Two calls from her in as many weeks? Ivan hoped she was only calling to borrow some more money. “Excuse me for a moment.” “Work?” Fredya asked, pausing the movie. He still thought Ivan was actually watching that garbage. “No, it’s Katyusha. Unpause that mindless drivel.” Ivan got up from Fredya’s lap, already stressing about what was pressing on Katyushka’s mind. Don’t get him wrong, he loved both his sisters more than anything in the world, but Katyushka barely ever called for anything other than pressing matters, so Ivan had learned to associate calls from her with crying and pressure. “Yes, Katyushka?” “Hey, Vanya. Is this a good time to talk?” Katyushka greeted cheerfully. A weight immediately lifted off Ivan’s shoulders. “Yes, I’m at home. It sounds like something good happened, yes?” “I think so!” she giggled gleefully, sounding like the careless teenager she had never gotten the chance to be. “I was talking with Tasha earlier today and she told me some interesting news!” she sang teasingly. How odd, Ivan had no clue what news from Tasha might warrant a call to Ivan. If it was related to Tasha herself, Katyushka would wait for Tasha to tell the news herself, and there were few other people in their lives to get excited about. Tasha was interested in celebrity gossip, but Katyushka did not share that interest, so it couldn’t be a movie star getting married. “Oh? Pray tell.” “Don’t play coy with me!” Katyushka laughed. So it was news that Ivan should already be aware of. But then why would Katyushka be telling them to Ivan? “If you’re going to make me guess, we’ll be here the rest of the day”, Ivan replied. “You have a boyfriend!” His heart froze over in panic. “What?! No - I mean – Tasha told you that?” He was hardly intelligible, it felt like his tongue had thrown in the towel. “Uh-huh!” she squeed, for once oblivious to his terror, and Ivan could picture her jumping in joy. “She was jealous because you haven’t been spending time with her so she complained to me! Why didn’t you ever tell me?” “I – because – Tasha… Tasha gets jealous very easily, so I did not wish for her to know”, Ivan stuttered, panic setting in, before remembering that Tasha already knew about Fredya. He didn’t need to stay a secret anymore. Ivan was just so used to hiding his relationships from Tasha he did without thinking. “Hey, you could’ve told me! I can keep a secret!” Not from Tasha she couldn’t. Unintentionally or not. “Ooh, I’m so excited, it’s been a long time since you were with anyone! Is he nice? Good-looking? Does he also want kids? Gay or bi? Single or divorced?” Katyushka had always been the one most interested in romance, despite never having dated in her life. Since high school she had kept claiming that she didn’t have the time needed for a solid relationship. While that was true, if only because she would not let herself have the time, Ivan was sure the actual reason was Katyushka being afraid of the apple not falling far from the tree. Her mother and sister sure had trouble picking good men. “You are not giving me any time to answer”, Ivan said, both relieved and nervous. He didn’t mind Katyushka knowing about Fredya, in fact they would get along nicely, but Ivan was worried about her putting ideas into Fredya’s head. Ivan had only ever dated for fun, but each time his older sister had started planning weddings right away, and Ivan didn’t want to scare Fredya away so soon. “Don’t be nervous! I’m really happy for you! You know you’re not getting any younger and it doesn’t help that you’re so shy, plus you’re picky, so all the time I’m worried no one is good enough! So tell me about him!” Katyushka urged. “Well, um, he’s – um, American, he’s a little younger than me. He’s very lively. Please don’t tell Tasha –“  Right, Tasha already knew, as they had established at the very beginning of the call. Talk about conditioned behavior. “His name is Alfred. Do you remember the drunk man who paid our dinner in the Ladle? That’s the man.” “I do!” Katuyshka squealed in exhilaration. “So it’s thanks to me that you guys got together. You were so oblivious to his flirting that I had to give him some tips”, she giggled. “He seemed like a fun guy.” “He is”, Ivan agreed wholeheartedly. “He’s the complete opposite of me. He’s very social, for one.” “I hope he doesn’t drink as much”, Katyushka said, and although her tone wasn’t accusatory at all, Ivan immediately felt guilty. She had known about his drinking problem almost from the start, but wasn’t aware of how bad it had gotten in recent years. “He usually only takes a few beers every now and then. That night was a rare exception”, Ivan assured her. The only other time Fredya had gotten shit-faced was when he had tried challenging Ivan – Fredya learned from his mistakes, even if he liked to pretend otherwise. He always gave off the air of not trying at all, but sometimes you could catch a glimpse of the truth - Fredya did nothing by half-measures, he always did his best because nothing else was good enough for him. Being his best self was so effortless to Fredya, watching him was a joy, no one else could have such spirit. There was a beauty to him – a sincerity. “He’s – Katyushka, he’s amazing. Thank you.” “Vanechka… Oh my god, I’ve never heard you say that about anyone! Aww, that’s so romantic! When are you bringing him to meet us?” “Uh – I don’t think that would be a good idea. Tasha would get jealous.” “Come on, you can’t talk him up like that and then not let me talk to him! He still needs to get the family’s approval! Ask him if he’s free this week, I’ll make time!” She was so excited it would crush her if Ivan didn’t comply. It was still a difficult decision to make - he knew Fredya liked him, but doubtfully to the extent of wanting to meet his family. It would heavily imply a wish for long-term attachment, and Fredya was not the type to settle down. He would run to the hills the second Ivan implied wanting to keep him for life. But Katyushka had asked – Ivan had to do it for her sake, Ivan owed her, and not only for being the catalyst for their relationship. “Alright”, he finally said, and the answer was an overjoyed yippee that sounded wholly inappropriate from a 36-year old. “Let me know when he can make it! Talk to you later!” “Wait, you don’t need to hang up. He’s here.” With his heart thumping painfully, Ivan opened the bedroom door with shaking hands. Fredya was thankfully still concentrated on his idiotic movie so he didn’t notice. “Um, Fredya?” Ivan asked cautiously. “Ya?” he asked distractedly, popping a chip in his mouth, the crackle probably audible even through phone. “Katyusha is on the phone. She has a request.” “Oh, should I leave?” “No, no, it actually has everything to do with you. She would like to meet you sometime this week.” The reaction Fredya had to this invasion of intimacy was very far from the one Ivan had expected. Instead of being weirded out and declining outright, his face lit up in a smile wider than Ivan had ever seen on him. “Are you serious! Of course I’ll meet her!” He was so ecstatic that Ivan was sure he was not aware of the implications. He was afraid Fredya was running headfirst into something he thought was casual friendship. Even so, Ivan was afraid of stating clearly what meeting Katyushka was really about, because even suggesting meeting her implied Ivan wanted to tie Fredya down. He would not be opposed to it, if that was what Fredya wanted, but it would be very presumptuous of him to suggest it himself. “She seems to have a different idea of our relationship than we do, so please disregard whatever she might say about that.” “Chill, dude, I can handle girls. When?” “Vozlyublennaya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne govori nichego o svad'bakh ili detyakh”, Ivan pleaded to the phone, and Katyushka promised she wouldn’t. She had good intentions, but she wasn’t very good at keeping herself in check, rest assured she would forget all about the promise when she saw Fredya in the flesh again. Ivan put the phone on speaker so they could all weigh in. They eventually settled on Wednesday. Katyushka suggested gathering at Ivan’s house, but he was worried it would feel too domestic and final, and suggested a restaurant instead. He would of course pay for Katyushka’s meal, he couldn’t very well force her into paying herself when she was already behind on so many bills.

--

Vozlyublennaya sestra, pozhaluysta, ne govori nichego o svad'bakh ili detyakh.(Возлюбленная сестра, пожалуйста, не говори ничего о свадьбах или детях.) : Beloved sister, please don’t say anything about weddings or children.

Chapter name comes from ...счастья в личной жизни by Alla Pugacheva.

#hereandthere #fan fiction #hetalia #RusAme #AmeRus #russiaxamerica #linssifanfiction #WIPtale

[speckeh]

My 2019 Garbage Book Dump

It’s 2019! I’m tired, I’m hella gay, and I’m still reading books as much as I can with my busy life! Enjoy this book list with reviews! 

1. Thunderball: 5/5 stars. Mormon jokes. Making fun of dietary changes? A young Italian woman (girl) who controls the island with her beauty. It becomes a mission against nuclear threats against the Europe and the US? Not exactly the MOST thrilling James Bond book, but I had a lot of fun reading it. I’m glad this was my first read of the year!

2. The Lydia Steptoe Stories - Faber Stories: 4/5 stars. I found these short, tiny books in a local bookstore. There were 6 of them on the table and I bought three. Sometimes I wish I bought all of them, but not all of them spoke to me. The Lydia collection was interesting as it held three stories with: a young man being “seduced” by his aunt, a young girl wanting to be a dominatrix, and a woman who wishes she could be youthful again. While I didn’t find the stories awe-inspiring, I did find them extremely entertaining and nice to think about.

3. Emma Cozy Classics: 5/5 stars. I have the pride and prejudice one. While it might not be as fabulous as a full book, but the pain-staking skill of felt art is entirely impressive. It went on my Jane Austen book shelf.

4. Come Rain or Shine - Faber Stories: 3/5 stars. What would you do if your friends thought you were absolutely insane and their lives are falling apart worse than yours? What would you do if your friend asks you to play absolutely stupid to his wife to make him look better and for her to realize her life isn’t so bad that she got lucky enough to not marry you? I for one, would drop these fucking friends and never look back. The story was a fucking train wreck and absolutely insane to the point where it wasn’t even humorous to me. Several authors state it’s Ishiguro’s step into comical writing and I wish he wouldn’t.

5. Passionate Minds - Women Rewriting the World: 1/5 stars. I found this book at my Uni’s free bookshelf. I was super excited to read this book but it’s one of the dullest and full of biases book I’ve had the displeasure of picking up. I got to read about my girl Gertrude Stein but I was expecting more female writers, not actors who the writer obvious gets off on. There’s nothing wrong with that, and this book has rave reviews, I just couldn’t stand the writing style and obvious fawning she had (and not in the academic/historically reserved way authors should be).

6. Wandering Island Vol. 2: 4/5 stars. It’s been two years since the first volume came out. I found myself reading it in record time which has me both disappointed and a bit confused (not because I read it fast, but because of the strange editorial ending). The art is impeccable with a few questionable “obviously a man drew this” moment, the story has kind of been a bit muddled up and didn’t necessarily go anywhere this volume. It felt more of a build up for Volume 3 which I don’t know when will be released. The editor wrote this strange 6 page essay that started off they were going to postpone Wandering Island 3, then went on a long rant about how the manga editing world has changed with ^-^ faces all throughout, only to then write fan theories of where they think the story is going to finish with: “We’ll translate the pages as soon as they come out! ^-^” what the fuck?? Haha

7. Fun Home - A Family Tragicomic. 5/5 stars. I bought this book today and I finished it this evening. I’m still processing everything that happened but one thing I know for sure is that I found one of my top 5 books of 2019 as well as a new favorite already. Alison approaches a hard topic of coming out, learning about her father’s secret life of being bisexual, and coming to terms with the strange person with anger issues that was her father. While my father wasn’t gay, there were several elements of her father I saw in my own. The volatile anger, learning more about his life after his death, hearing shattering truths from your mom, the regret of not having conversations sooner and him not seeing who you truly are before their passing. It struck a chord with me and I’m going to be thinking about this comic book I feel like for two months.

8. The Real McCoy: 4/5 stars. This is like a small wikipedia pamphlet book about the famous names, phrases, or lyrics you might know. I wasn’t necessarily impressed with the booklet, but I found some of it entertaining. I gave it a high rating because it served its purpose but I’m totally gifting it to a friend who loves random facts.

9. The Heart Affirming: 5/5 Stars. Epic poems about the Greek Gods, the universal feeling of appreciating nature, the wondering of the cruelty of humanity. This is a rare find of a poetry book not popular and one I found at my local library book sale that was signed by the author. If you have the pleasure to pick up this 1939 poetry book, please do! It’s a treat from the past that shows we still yearn for the same poetic romanticism we did then to now.

10. Bloom: 4.5/5 stars. I’ve realized I’m going to graduate college in the fall and this weird depression hit where I realized my life is really finally going to change forever. So I’m having a mixture of senioritis where I don’t want to do any work when I’m done with school by Wednesday, and I’m having a mid-century life crisis where I don’t know what to do with my life (I mean I do, but it’s terrifying). So I went on a LGTBQ+ splurge on amazon, something i haven’t done in awhile, Bloom was one of those books. Bloom is a fast paced comic about a high school graduate who wants to move out and move on, but his friends are dicks and his parents want him to stay. Welcome the new hot boy whose grandma just died and conveniently loves to bake. Ari wants to leave the bakery and this new hot guy is just his ticket to leave, or is it? I really liked this comic for the art and the story line was refreshing. But there were several instances where the book moves really quickly and the development was… meh. HeartStopper has great, slow pacing that lets you feel like the characters and story moves in a believable way. Bloom is rushed in some parts, but still.. So cute.

11. Spinning: 5/5 Stars. 2/4 of the LGTBQ+ books I ordered have been read! I read this book the day before valentine’s day and I’ve already been in a weird mode/crisis of being a university senior. I, loved this book for all the reasons why people gave it 3 stars. Everyone stated the story didn’t wrap up, that i jumped, that it felt fragments, but if you read the very end the author state not all books should make sense or follow a timeline or be accurate and these followed her own recollection without revisiting anything. I really appreciated and I loved the style. It’s a heavy book with sexual assault, manipulation, child abuse, and a very unhappy protagonist who isn’t likeable. But at the same time, finishing this book I just felt such grief that I didn’t pursue an art career. That I didn’t just join an art program or give my art career a chance. I think when I’m in the end of my career, retirement, I may go to art school again or maybe I’ll splurge money on lessons or maybe I’ll just accept my art as is. Either way, this book made me fiercely jealous of a 21 year old. It reminded me of a famous story of my dad reading a book about astronauts and crying in the bath because he should have been an astronaut, and how this book made me want to cry because in some form I should have been an artist. But like my dad, we’ve both chased careers that really inspired and gave us amazing opportunities. But I think it’s natural to miss over those childhood passions you didn’t follow through with because you felt like you weren’t enough.

12. My Solo Exchange Diary Vol 2. 2.5/5 stars. I read the first volume last year due to prompting from one of my precious friends (Ramona). My loneliness with Lesbianism was AMAZING. I bought it. My Solo Exchange Diary felt like the author was rambling in circles, completely mentally unwell, and had no ideas of how to properly take care of herself. In Volume 2 she was able to search for some help and she was able to deal with some introspective thoughts about how her viewpoint might have been wrong and how she was toxic to herself and her family. Volume 2 still left a taste in my mouth that felt… weird? She’s moving in the right directions but I think she’s desperately trying to follow the hype of her lesbian hit manga and she’s failing due to her wants to surpass herself. I laughed and felt bad as she mentioned how people slammed her for Volume 1, so it felt very meta to read how she reacted because my comment was also criticizing her: read here. But if you’re reading it in a bookstore or a library, do it. It’s nice to see how she’s slowly making progress with herself.  

13. Sputnik Sweetheart. 1/5 stars. I picked this up in Brussels in the select few english section because the cover was intriguing and the back cover claimed it was a lesbian story. I was so excited, and imagine my absolutely hatred when I realized a straight cisgender man had written a “lesbian” story through the eyes of a straight male who is lusting after his lesbian best friend. He proclaims he gets boners at looking at her breasts and how her eccentric style only makes her that more beautiful just to him. I hate everything about this book. I wish straight cisgendered men would leave lesbian narrative stories alone unless you’re going to write them right. Get the fuck out of my books.

14. Fortunate Beasts: Letters to Lucardo Vol 2: 5/5 stars. The long waited and anticipated sequel to Letters to Lucardo!!! It’s been two years since I read the first volume, supported it on kickstarters, and I’m going to keep funding each release until the quadiology is complete! This had a lot less background building, exciting sex scenes, but you now understand the two lovers and get to see them develop their budding relationship. While it wasn’t as smut riddled as I expected, I was very happy with the continuation!

15. The little Lame Prince: 2/5 stars. DNF. Did not finish in case for those who don’t know/can’t remember (I hardly remember what DNF stands for myself). I’m torn as I want to eventually finish this book but I’m just not in the mood for it. It’s a sweet story but is very slow and from what I can tell, repeats itself a lot. It’s a old book from the early 1800s which explains the somewhat hard language and problematic moments, but it’s still charming. I’ll debate when I’ll try this again. For now, it’s returning to my shelves with a bookmark in the pages.

16. Shounen Houkokusho. 5/5 stars. A shounen-ai soft, wholesome gay family about a little boy standing up for his dad’s long time partner and asking them to get married. Very sweet. So precious. I love.

17. Same Difference and Other Stories: 4/5 stars. This was a reread from my friend Mark who gifted this to me back in december of 2014. It’s been 5 years since I picked up this book and I decided to see how its changed. As an adult, this comic speaks to me a lot louder than it did nearly half a decade ago. Struggling to find your way through life, seeing all your high school “friends” getting married, having jobs, meanwhile you’re just.. Here. Definitely a story I needed to revisit again in the future and also I still appreciate Mark’s notes he left in here for me!

18. Amazing Women: 101 Lives to Inspire you: 4/5 stars. This was my gift after finally being cut loose from the cancer clinic. I never had to go back there again and so I decided to pick up a momento. This was the book I chose that they offered. I really appreciate how they cover diverse women from all over the world rather than American-centric. They don’t go further than 1826, keping mostly within 200 years which is a bit of a bummer. There were also some choices I felt were questionable, like Zoe Sugg (who had her book ghost written and scams her viewers) and that they didn’t have Alison Bechendel was a huge disappointment. But this book is opinionated as they did have to narrow it down to 101 women, so I’m never going to be happy unless I pick my own. I also appreciated that if a diplomat was assassinated they mentioned it in the book.

19. The Epic of Gilgamesh: 5/5 stars. I learned about the Epic of Gilgamesh back when I was a itty-bitty sophomore in high school. I remember being so intrigued and would draw my gay ass characters as the Harlot and Endurk. I think I still have the drawings somewhere and they’re cringey. I bought the book and it’s been sitting on my shelf for YEARS. I did a deep clean of my bookshelves last night from 11:30 pm - 4:30 am, and this morning I just wanted to read since I haven’t been able to for months. I loved it! I love creation myths, old myths from “lost” cultures, plus the language was hella gay in this story. It’s a short 61 pages, so if you have like an hour or two and are in the mood for some myths baby, pick it up!

20. The Making of Pride and Prejudice: 4/5 stars. This book is chalked full of interviews from staff, actors, photos of the sets, and a bit too long section on the director and writers moaning about a script. I loved the photos of the behind the scenes and reading Colin Firth’s reluctancy to take, arguably, his most iconic role because he didn’t care for classical movies. Thought they were boring. Really a cool book to have if you’re a big Pride and Prejudice 1995 fan.

21. Greek Myths: 2/5 stars. I love the artwork in this book, but the author shows a lack of research when he writes the Roman names for the greek gods. I’m all fine with showing a Roman cultural story, but if you’re writing a Greek Myths story, BITCH use the Greek names!!! If it wasn’t for the artwork, this book would be traaash.

22. Wicked: 5/5 stars. I’ve been in a reading rut for almost a month where I’ve felt unmotivated to do anything. Since going back to brief counseling and getting my head on straight again, I’ve felt the motivation to read. I’m also doing the 2019 OWLS for a Wandmaker and this was one of my assignments. I absolutely loved Wicked. The musical came in last month and it reinvigorated my love for the show. I’ve been wanting to read the book, it’s been haunting me for awhile and I found a back of the Wicked series for 5 dollars at my library sale. Snatched that bitch up. I read this 408 pages in two weeks, probably would have in a week but school. God, I related so much to Elphaba. Not so much the whole, feeling like she has no soul, but taking school seriously and not making friends, coming from a religious family and rebelling, feeling like she’s responsible for her whole family, (not feeling like she’s attractive) and seeing her growth and becoming more comfortable with herself really made me feel better about myself? It’s a super dark book, but it’s great. It’s really great.

23. A Children’s Guide to the Night Sky: 4/5 stars. This was essentially the condensed and easier version of my Stars and Cosmology course I took two years ago!! I sped read this and some of the greek myths they described were dumb down/removed the queerness of it. Which is why I took off a whole star.

24. The Life-Changing Manga of Tidying Up: 5/5 stars. Hello Marie Kondo. Everyone is on a cleaning kick/obsessed with Marie Kondo. I liked this comic because it was short and also made her book in a bite size, story drive style. I liked its simplistic form!

25. Julian is a Mermaid: 5/5 stars. I’ve had my eye on this book for a year, ever since it was announced in Goodreads’ monthly list. I found the last copy and snatched it up. I like the muted colors, the art style, the different bodies, and letting little boys know it’s ok to dress up as mermaids or anything feminized. A great message!!!

26. Kiss Number 8: 5/5 stars. This is one of those random comics I saw in the new releases and the cover caught my eye. I read the first few pages and decided to buy it. I loved it as it’s a coming out story but the main story isn’t revolved around coming out. It’s about the complicated nature of family, coming out through the years, and trans themes. I know some people say this book and the characters are transphobic due to misgendering and dead names used, but the main character is catholic. Her family are mega catholic. She’s going to a catholic school. Of course there’s going to be misgendering and dead names used! It’s how people naturally react to news. If you’re super sensitive, I wouldn’t read this book, but I loved it to bits. I held it to my chest like I do rarely with those books that give you the warm feels.

27. Elephi - The Cat with the High IQ: 5/5 stars. This was a book I grabbed at a close down sale. It’s about Elephi who sees a small fiat car abandoned in the snow outside and decides to use his brains to get the car inside the fifth story apartment. The author really knows how cats act and I felt like all the mannerisms were perfect for a year old cat(kitten). Really a cute book that I read in 40 minutes??

28. One Happy Tiger: 4/5 stars. A book about a tiger counting friends. Cute. It’s a children’s book. Not too substantial in anything.

29. The Language of Thorns: 5/5 stars. Ok WOW. I bought this about a year ago during B&N’s signed deals where they just had a ton of books signed by the authors. I’ve seen this book floating around on BookTube for awhile and I decided to check it out at the bookstore. The illustrations sold me and I bought it. Imagine the already dark Grimm’s fairy tales, but darker. More context for the characters: Ursula, the Nutcracker, Hansel and Gretel but if Gretel was the only one at home. Really amazing stories and if you’re interested in dark, pretty illustrations that change with each page, pick it up!

30. Satoko and Nada vol 1: 5/5 stars. Ramona and I went to B&N yesterday, just sitting around like two useless gays reading a bunch of manga. This is one she picked out and told me to read it. You know me, as a white academic I am constantly on the lookout for narratives that aren’t white and can educate me. This was one of them! Satoko is from Japan while Nada is from Saudi Arabia, both are exchange students in the US. Their friendship, learning about each other’s cultures is so fucking cute. ;0;

31: I Hear the Sunspot vol 1: 4/5 stars. I docked this down from a 5 star rating because it just jumps into a established plot. I had no idea if this was a continuation from another series or if the author purposefully just threw us in the mix of an established gay relationship but they’re not really (they are but they’re confused) with some flashbacks that looks like it came from another volume? But despite those factors, the art is gorgeous. The characters are well developed and have complex background and stories to tell (one of the main characters has a degenerative hearing issue and will eventually become deaf).

32. Building Writing Center Assessments that Matter: 4/5 stars. This was a required text I had for a independent study I was a part of where I created a assessment of the climate of where I worked. This is a great resource in learning how to build assessments from scratch, and if you’ve never conducted one. I found the information they gave was limited to assessment of students who use the a writing center, while my assessment was more focused on how safe, valued, and heard those who currently work in the space feel. A great way to step into assessments!

33. Mary Ventura and the Ninth Kingdom: 4/5 stars. This was the first fictionalized piece of Slyvia Plath I’ve read. I can understand why it wasn’t published at first. There’s a lot of loose ends. Why was Mary going to the Ninth Kingdom? Why is everyone so placant in going to a “hell” type place? Also what the hell was the ending and her running away? This story left a lot to be answered, but I also love that about this short story.

34. Momo to Manji Vol 2: 5/5 stars. Volume two of one of my favorite historical yaoi mangas. It’s still hasn’t been fully translated just yet but I love it all the same!! So many complex characters, relationships!

35. Sweet Blue Flowers Vol 1. 5/5 stars. The first edition of a 5 volume series. Ramona told me to read this and I devoured the first book! Wholesome young girls falling in love with each other! Boyish girls who are heartthrobs! Unrequited love galore! Definitely going to check out the rest of the volumes!

36. Laura Dean Keeps Breaking Up with Me: 5/5 stars. Man. This comic took me through a roller coaster of feelings. First it kind of made me miss the constant interactions I had with people in junior high and high school. It also reminded me heavily of my first gf and I wondered if she and her friends viewed me as Laura Dean (in terms of being too cool. I never cheated lmao. And always just out of reach). It made me melancholy for a younger me who was also hopeless in love with their best friend. It was a wild ride, but one I recommend wholeheartedly!

37. Lovable Lyle: 5/5 stars. I’ve been looking at this little crocodile for awhile and I’ve come to the conclusion he is me. This book was silly but heartwarming as Lyle is beloved but suddenly receives letters from his sworn enemy. They try to ignore it, but they are persistent until they catch the culprit. Fucking ridiculous story but I loved every second.

38. The Great American Pin-Up: 5/5 stars. It was really cool how they sectioned off each famous artist of pin-ups. Some of them were tasteful nudes, semi-nudes, or lingerie teasing moments. As someone who is both gay and used to draw pin-up girls, this is a great reference!!!!

39. Drawing the R.A.F.: 5/5 stars. This book is one of those rarer finds. A british artist was commissioned to draw the officers of the R.A.F. in the middle of World War II. Some portraits are far better than others, but the worser ones are attached with amazing stories. Such as a 6”6’ pilot having to be physically shoved in a spitfire. These are fantastic and the art work is really beautiful.

40. Where’s Will? 4/5 stars. Where’s Will is a William Shakespeare version of Where’s Waldo. The art is beautiful and the hidden characters are extremely clever. However, I remember so often spending hours upon hours trying to find Waldo and the extreme satisfaction of finally finding him. Where’s Will I could find him within 5 minutes. It never went long enough to the point I feel worn and frustrated and finding several more interesting characters. He stood out more than he should and I flew through this book that Waldo would find insulting! But the illustrations are beautiful!

41. Carr’s Pocket Books - Florence Nightingale: 4/5 stars. This mini collection of Nightingale’s journals throughout her life is really interesting. As a woman who revolutionized what it meant to be a nurse and nurse practices, it was nice to see her own words from age 9 to 90. She was an elegant little girl with her writing and she showed wisdom beyond her years. Did I learn anything substantial about her work? No. But I did come to know her on a far more personal level that I appreciate.

42. Carr’s Pocket Books - How Horatius Kept the Bridge: 5/5 stars. Another one of these small pocket sized books I bought in Oundle, England. I don’t know why, but I’ve just been desperate to go through my books and get rid of any and all that don’t speak to me anymore. I also just want to read, a lot. This was part of my kick this week, trying to get through as many as possible. This poem story is about Roman soldier Horatius and how he single handedly took the Bridge against the Greeks. It’s a military triumphant, silly, and mystical, but I really enjoyed the structure of it. It was short and sweet.

43. Echoland: 3.5/5 stars. Echoland follows Arvid, a 12 year old Norwegian boy who visits his grandparents in Denmark for the summer. However, he’s growing up and he’s realizing that his parents are strained for some reason, his sister is too grown for him, and his grandparents are getting older. This book was confusing. It was short, quick, and I think younger children would enjoy this book more than me. It deals with more adult themes but through the eyes of a 12 year old. However, I found a lot of the storyline to be confusing: Why does Arvid not want to be touched? Why are his parents fighting?? Why does he hate all the men in his family? Why is he pushing everyone away? Why are his parents putting up with his attitude? There are a LOT of questions I have and there’s no real answer to be found. Maybe it’s the author’s style, but I found the story to be not as believable, but still enjoyable.

44. Mathilda. 2.5/5 stars. Mathilda was an audiobook I listened to as I suddenly got a migraine at around 6 pm and it didn’t let up until around midnight. The last three hours I’ve been listening to it. I thought this was Matilda from Roald Dahl but was instead by Mary Shelley herself. This was a very bizarre story. I really enjoyed the first half of the story which is about Mathilda writing a final letter to her best friend upon her deathbed. She’s retelling him her tragic story and how the death of her father was her fault. Her childhood was very bleak, touch starved as her mother died and her father abandoned her to his half sister. Her half sister wasn’t warm to her and saw her as a pest, which had Mathilda growing up til she was 16 without a father. Suddenly her father decided to return and within 2 months of his return her aunt dies, and now she’s in his custody. At first everything is fine, until her father starts to lash out at her and is very distant. He at first wants Mathilda to replace her mother and then rejects the idea. They go for a walk and Mathilda presses her father to tell her his deep secret and why he hates her all of a sudden. He refuses until she presses on and then he tells her that he lusts for her. She freaks out, he almost dies in the woods from shame, and then he leaves the next morning. Mathilda is then angry because SHE wanted to leave her father, but because he’s abandoning her again she chases after him. She finds him dead in a hotel room and then Mathilda begins to resent life and living. The story was great up until she decides to chase her father after he leaves her. It became a jumbled mess and Mathilda herself says her mind is a little mad with her decisions. The story started off as an intrigue with beauty descriptions, intense, and then just went bat shit crazy. The story ended on beautiful reflections on nature and how death is not beautiful for those living, but it really lost me. The last hour was a drag. I would definitely suggest listening to it if you have a migraine!

45. Megume to Tsugumi: 5/5 stars. Gay comic, lmao.

46. Golden Sparkle: 5/5 stars. I don’t remember the plot but it was cute.

47. Maltese Falcon: 2/5 stars. I was forced to read this for a film and literature class. Everyone was ranting and raving how the main character should be a male role model but that’s extremely stupid. Look, I love bad male representation (looking at you James Bond), but he was just trash. I get this is a famous crime novel, but GOD. It’s bad.

48. Maiden & Princess: 5/5 stars. This was about a maiden going to a ball who everyone thought she would marry the Prince. Except she and the Prince are best friends and she really fell in love with his sister. We love pride month books!

49. Prince & Knight: 5/5 stars. A gender-swap of Maiden & Princess except this was a Prince who goes off to slay a dragon to save his kingdom only to fall in love with a knight and marry him. SO GOOD.

50. Komi Can’t Communicate, Vol. 1: 4/5 stars. My friend Ramona told me to read this volume since she read it and loved it. While I loved the art and Komi, the story line was just a tad flat for me. It’s a really fun series if you like high school semi-romance but mostly heavy on friendship~!

51. What was Stonewall? 3/5 stars. This was one of those children informative books where they retell a piece of history. I thought this was great for children who know nothing about Stonewall but are hearing it from Drag Queens or in June for Pride History Month. I thought the information about Stonewall was short and concise and also good for children, however the book did verge off point and talk about other points of history as well as random actors who are gay. This is good, but it isn’t Stone wall, you know?

52. Pride: The Story of Harvey Milk and the Rainbow Flag: 4/5 stars. I watched Milk and I cried at the end. I’ve been wanting to know more about how Milk created our Pride Flag and this was another one of those books where it’s curated for children. So I appreciate the run down version it gives us, but they had to “modify” what the stripes mean, such as purple being Sexuality. Let kids hear the unfiltered truth!

53. TBH #1: TBH, This Is So Awkward: 4/5 stars. This was in the teen new released section and it’s a book of text messages. I hated this book, but also was way too invested in it when I was reading it out loud to my date. It’s just a bunch of middle school people sending love notes, getting the Valentine’s Day dance cancelled because they won’t stop using their phone and their principal said “Social Decency.” And then it ended by one of the girls bringing the valentine’s day dance back by creating a Task Force to enforce no texting during school. It was fucking wild and I loved every page I flipped through and wrote in.

54. Adaptations from Short Story to Big Screen: 4/5 stars. I liked it well enough, it was a textbook so I didn’t really read the stories in-depth. However, there are two stories I absolutely love which are Field of Dreams and Smoke Signals.

55. Our Father Who Art in a Tree: 5/5. I loved this book. It’s very true to the experience of what it’s like to be depressed and the first few months of deep grief. While I didn’t lose my parent until my teenage years and my brothers were older, but the strained relationships grief causes is so fucking poignant.

56. Little Miss P: 5/5 stars. I know it’s strange, because it’s a man writing a book about periods, but this was an excellent book. It really showcased the love-hate relationship women have with their periods and also sometimes accurate representations of what it feels like.

57. Ginza Neon Paradise: 4/5 stars. I don’t remember reading this manga! (I’m updating my book list after some months)

58. Na Leo I Ka Makani/Voices on the Wind: 5/5 stars. A book of history and photos of native Hawaiians, royals, and other cultural aspects important to the island. Some really cool photos.

59. Satoko & Nada vol. 2: 5/5 stars. Satoko and Nada are back again, continuing on with their studies and friendship. This book still continues to teach westerners some cool Eastern values while the main characters are learning about each other as well. I think the 3rd volume will come out soonish and that might be the end!!! I love this little series!

60. Annie on My Mind: 5/5 stars. One of the first lesbian novels to show a happy ending with the characters. It’s very much a high school love story and first real love. There were some parts of the story that were absolutely aggravating, painfully embarrassing, but also really heart warming. It’s a queer foundational book in literature, and if you’re interested in the history of queer literature, this should be on your list.

61. Killing Stalking: 5/5 stars. The comic finally ended. I started reading it in 2016 and finished in 2019. God was it a ride. It was full of conflicting feelings, creepiness, and an ending that leaves the reader confused, fulfilled, and also not fulfilled at the same time. I wouldn’t suggest reading it for those who are squeamish with gore, violence, and dark sexual themes, but it’s a fantastic read into what it’s like to experience stockholm syndrome and intense violent trauma.

62. Go for it, Nakamura!: 5/5 stars. A high school student falls in love with his popular classmate, but his classmate doesn’t know he exists! A cute gay book about falling in love, making friends, and pushing yourself to achieve your goals!

63. The Great Gatsby: 4/5 stars. The next two books are books I listened to while deep cleaning my room. It took me two days to fully clean my room, and this was also a challenge for my N.E.W.T.S 2019. I remember reading this book in high school and liking, and I think I lent out my copy and never saw it again. I bought it recently and decided to give it a re-read/listen. I think reading the book would have made it more engaging to me, but I found the themes to not be as impressive as an adult. Maybe it’s because I can’t relate to the characters or their choices are so dumb that I just can’t believe it anymore, but it was still entertaining to listen to. The narrator was great!

64. Emma (Narrated by Emma Thompson): 5/5 stars. This feels a bit like cheating because this rendition was not only abridged, but also had live actors. I’m very familiar with Emma, and Emma Thompson as the narrator was a genius move. However, do I feel like I read/listened to Emma? Not really.

65. Fresh Romance, Vol. 1: 4/5 stars. Half of the stories were very confusing and not very good. However, I really loved two stories about a Regency marriage and a spin off of Beauty and the Beast. I would read this volume just for those additions.

66. Pilu of the Woods: 5/5 stars. A cute story about emotions, friendship, and the woods. It even has a recipe on the back I want to read it!! The colors and characters are adorable. The storyline might not be as solid, but it’s a great read!

67. Ou-same to Puppy Love: 5/5 stars. A foreign prince falls in love with a neat-freak government official. Queue stupid boys in love!

68. Sugar Days: 5/5 stars. Childhood best friends, one small and manly, one tall and feminine, both love each other without having the courage to tell the other!!!! Very cute!!!!!

69. The Tea Dragon Society: 5/5 stars. I remember seeing this book a year ago and how everyone was ranting and raving about it. However, I never bought it or saw it. My best friend brought it over the other day for me to read and I could finally see what the fuss was about. QUEER CHARACTERS, LITTLE DRAGONS WITH TEA LEAVES GROWING OFF OF THEM, MULTIPLE REPRESENTATION!!!! IT’S SO GOOOOOD!

70. Luminous Animal: 5/5 stars. A jazz poetry book. It’s interesting how Tony Moffeit can write the same theme over and over, with the same lines but in different poems with different perspectives. It was really cool!

71. Still Mostly True: 5/5 stars. A weird poetry book that has philosophy and deep meaning poems with also weird ass drawings. However, my poetry book had inscriptions from someone else to their friend. The inscriptions were sometimes very annoying, but also kind of heartwarming how this friend made sure her friend knew she was thinking of her and loving her.

72. Sky, Wind, and Stars. 5/5 stars. A poetry book that was a Korean activist who was murdered by the Japanese through medical experiments for his radical poetry. We watched the movie in my Korean History through film class, and I loved it to bits I wanted to read his poetry. The movie downplayed just how radical his poetry was. Even as a English speaker, I can clearly see the activism, Korean pride that was written during the Japanese occupation. It was a wonderful poetry book, and an important one to Koreans at that. If you have the chance to read it, please do.

73. Memoirs of a Geisha: 5/5 stars. Haley (one of my bffs) recommended me this book like 3 years ago. It’s her favorite and I kept saying I would read it. August was the N.E.W.T.S. challenge and this fit the category of “audiobook” as I listened to a fan read audio of it and then had to read the last 7 chapters. I completely see where my friend finds inspiration in her writing from this book! I really loved the sad story, the harsh reality of Japan, even if this book was more on the idealized version of WWII in Japan and how Geishas were. Some of the thinking of Chiyo I feel could be chalked up to white men ideal sexualization, but overall I really enjoyed this book! Plus the fan who read it was really into her characters and she made the experience really fun.

74. Be Prepared: 5/5 stars. When you’re poor, Russian, and have the All-American-Girls as your best friends, life is extremely hard. No one likes your Russian food, the smallness of your home, and listening to a language not their own. VERA NEEDS SOME FUCKING NEW FRIENDS. As someone whose best friend is Russian, has a sister-in-law who is Russian, and a nephew learning to speak Russian, some people are really insensitive and it drives me nuts. I know a lot of people are upset with this book because it’s not a “full memoir” and yet is described as a memoir. I’ll just pose the question, can you remember 1 month straight at 10 years old, from people to dialogue? No? Yeah, cut the book some slack. This has great representation in terms of Russian culture and learning through it from little Russian eyes.

75. Kiraide Isasete: 5/5 stars. It’s another gay manga.

76. I married my best friend to shut up my parents: 4/5 stars. While I appreciate this story is light-hearted, it seems a bit far fetched for my taste. Also the main character doesn’t believe she’s gay, so I find it hard that a) she would actually get married and b) would just readily fall in love with her friend when she’s literally had no sexual desire for anyone. But other than that, it’s a ridiculous love story and it’s to the point!

78. Heartstopper V.2: 5/5 stars. I already read this awhile ago but I finally got my copy! So I’m just putting it in my list!

79. Raven: 5/5 stars. Raven is the first installment of the origins of the Teen Titans characters. I really loved this novel since Raven has always been a dark character in the original show. This book explores her experience with death, coming to terms with her birth origins, and New Orleans with ancient magic. A great start to a series I’m looking forward to reading the rest of!

80. Heartless. 4/5 stars. A child is taken care of by a succubus (male) after a religious cult burns down a hospital to get rid of the succubus. This story is intense in the gore and horror, but pretty light in plot. There’s no real driving force behind the characters and what they do, no explanation, it’s all just there for the reader to assume it just happened. But the characters were dynamic and interesting with superhuman powers and abilities.

81. The Adventure Zone Vol. 2: 5/5 stars. Every time I see Madame Director I sigh in relief because she exactly looks how I envisioned her while listening to the podcast many years ago. The story line is short, I feel like some of the build up jokes are lost or the frustration Griffin has with his brothers and dad that make the podcast so hilarious are missing, but it’s a really beautiful comic and also a great way for people to start listening to TAZ and MBMBAM

82: The Wind in the Willow: 4/5 stars. An audiobook I listened to. I had the paperback but it was too much reading for my mind for a classic children book. When I found the option on Libby, I listened to it as I started my preparations for the start of my final semester as an undergraduate! It went by fast, the actors were in their characters and there were some songs performed. I really enjoyed it, even if Mr. Toad is ANNOYING AS FUCK. Would recommend for those wanting to kill 2 hours of their time.

83. Classmates: 5/5 stars. High school sweethearts? Can’t express their feelings well? Uh, sign me the FUCK uP.

84-108. W Juliet: 5/5 stars. I haven’t read W Juliet since I was in 7th grade. I remember that I loved it so much that when I was in high school I began collecting the volumes and proudly put it on my shelf. I used to have two bookshelves worth of manga, and when I grew older I sold them but only kept two series: Marmalade Boy and W Juliet (I’m gonna read Marmalade Boy next). I’ve been wanting to reread W Juliet recent and revisit Mako and Ito’s silliness, and with the long weekend I did. I was not prepared for the analysis it would give me to my own life. Like, holy shit. This manga series was so important in developing me who I was as a kid, (some of them very mild kinks that my rp friends are subjected to), the loss Ito has and her issues with gender and like 100000% me and how I don’t like masculine guys at all with their toxicity (hello Mako, you summer child boy). I honestly want to do a fucking research paper on this series with an analysis of myself because of how much I love this series and how I connect to it. You can bet your ass this manga is coming with me for the rest of my life.

109-117. Marmalade Boy: 3/5 stars. Marmalade Boy was the manga that started it all. I remember being 8, having found the manga section with my best friend, and we decided to share reading Marmalade Boy. I was so captivated by the story that I made her wait in the car at her house, refusing to let her have the book until I finished it. It was the final of the volume, and it wouldn’t be another 3 years until I read the series OUT OF ORDER. I kept rereading this series, picking it up, I remember it felt like watching a movie. As an adult? God this series is really awful. The characters are very annoying, the teacher is very creepy, the plot moves WAY too quickly, and no one knows what consent is. It’s fucking insane. 1-7 volume is trash, but the 8th volume really put to life in the characters. For one, they’re older, it's been a few years, and they can step back from the crazy lives of high school. If it wasn’t for the sheer nostalgia, I would be giving these books away. But you gotta pay respect to those books that introduced you to life changing moments.

118. Ouji to Kotori. 4/5 stars. An art student, a prince who buys him, trying to escape, foreign lands, a story that has a “romantic” but is open ended. I liked the flow of the story, the art, and the characters were actually believable.

119. Mean Girls Club. 3.5/5 stars. Mean Girls Club is a 1950s tale of girls rising against the patriarchy through sex, survivor, drugs, and murder. The art style is amazing. But the story line is flat and feels rushed. Not a favorite, but still pretty enjoyable.

120. Grumpy Monkey. 5/5 stars. Grumpy Monkey is the story of a monkey who wakes up grumpy. Despite everyone not believing he can be so grumpy on a beautiful day, him denying that he’s grumpy, and getting angry at people telling him HE’S grumpy, is such a goddamn mood. Nothing pisses me off more than people telling me my mood. You don’t know me. Fuck off. Anyways, this also felt like a mental health book for kids, letting them know it's ok to NOT feel ok. As long as someone is willing to listen and not wanting to fix your grumpiness.

121. Dia de los Muertos. 4/5 stars. A children’s informational book about the Day of the Dead. Short, simple, great education.

123. Wild Cherry. 4/5 stars. Wild Cherry is a poetry book I’ve been totting around for 2 months but have had no energy to pick it up. I’ve been very depressed that I haven’t had time to read, and despite me falling asleep right now, I forced myself to read it. It felt very repetitive after a while with her constant calling back to long lost love, death, and April, but I appreciated the 1923 themes that were NO doubt soo popular.

124. Through the Woods: 5/5 stars. A horror comic book that reminds me a lot of “Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark.” I lent it to my co-worker since he loves these types of stories!

125. Dancing with Mr. Darcy: 1/5 stars. I read the first story which was Jane Austen crossing the River Styx and facing her judgement and then I tried to read the rest and it was all so fucking boring??? I put the book down and will not be continuing.

126. The Night Diary: 5/5 stars. So this was an audiobook I listened to during the week I had awful vertigo. I couldn’t go to work or university and I laid on the couch, glasses off, just listening to this story. If it hadn’t been read to me, I don’t think I would have loved it as much. It follows Nisha who is forced to leave after WWII when India is split into New India and Pakistan. All muslims are allowed to stay, but all Hindus must leave for New India because of territorial wars. It follows the dreadful path during the desert, the violence they faced, and the child’s innocence slowly being robbed from her. It’s all told through Nisha’s diary who pens it to her mother. The voice actor did a wonderful job.

127. We Contain Multitudes: 5/5 stars. Tiny twink nerd falls in love with Giant Jock football star. And then he falls in love with the nerd and they’re hormonal and coming out and angst with love. I understand why people are upset with the novel: the plot twist seems like a total cop out that the author placed and a 15 year old dating a 18 year old can get borderline statutoary rape. However, I absolutely loved this book. It was refreshing to have a “coming out” narrative that wasn’t focused on coming out, but rather these two boys falling in love through letters, reading the cringe of HS romances, and desperately following these boys through it all. It’s definitely a favorite I read this year!

128. Lovely War: 4/5 stars. This is the third book I read while going through vertigo, and my second audiobook. It’s set during WWI, following two love narratives but told through the perspectives of the Greek God. It was really refreshing, the voice acting was excellent, and I really enjoyed listening while dizzy constantly. I would have given in a 5 star rating, but near the end, Hazel’s pixie-manic girl stereotype was getting out of hand and her hypocrisy was really fucking annoying. However, up until that point, I really enjoyed it and recommended it to several friends!

129. The Assassination of Brangwain Spurge: 4.5/5 stars. I really struggled not giving this book five stars, but I thought some of the narration and story-telling could have done a tiny bit better. This was a great audiobook to listen to while I packed and finished projects before my plane ride to my first ever work conference. I was bummed out that I couldn’t listen to this audiobook on the plane because Libby requires wifi, but I really enjoyed the fantasy comedy of this book (even though fantasy tends to be a topic I don’t dare approach because it just through you into a world with no explanation). 10/10 would recommend to strangers on the street.

130. Aaron and Ahmed: 4/5 stars. I read this books during my great “aaaAH I’M GRADUATING TIME IS UNREAL” So these will be short. A story about after 9/11 and the brutality American soldiers went to gain answers, even if there were none.

131. The Tea Dragon Festival: 5/5 stars. Dragons? Tea? LGTB+? Who could ask for more??

132. Roadqueen: Eternal Roadtrip to Love: 5/5 stars. Lesbians calling out how trashy other lesbians treat girls who generally like them. “Fuck Boy” was used a lot and I loved this.

133. Skull-face Bookseller vol. 1: 5/5 stars. A skeleton tries to sell manga and explores the crazy customers who come in, the social mistakes foreigners make with Japanese booksellers, and Honda-san doing her best to survive in her job.

134-136. Beastars Vol 1-3: 5/5 stars. I saw a bit of the anime and realized there was a manga. I bought the two volumes I could and then the third one from amazon. I really enjoyed this series and look forward to reading it more!

137. I hear the Sunspot Vol 2: 5/5 stars. It’s nice to see the couple going on, even if its GUT-WRENCHING and stupid how they refuse to communicate!!!!! But it hits hard topics of the community for the hard of hearing and functioning in a world where signing is considered not important enough to teach.

138. Pink: 5/5 stars. A sex worker who spends all her money feeding her alligator and the trouble she gets into. Weird art style and at first I opened this book and didn’t buy it. 3 months later, decided to buy it and I adored it.

139: Restless: 4/5 stars. I don’t remember much about it, but I think it was cute. Maybe boyfriends find each other again?

140. How can one sell the air?: 5/5 stars. I’ve had this “calling” to start really reading native american stories and heritage. This is a controversial book with Suquamish people as they either see their leader finally giving up or instilling courage to stay firm even as the world does their best to destroy them. I really enjoyed reading his speech.

141. Skull-face Bookseller Vol. 2: 5/5 stars. Honda-san comes back again with her friends and exploring working in the shop with more crazy customers but also with her new found fame being a manga artist.

142. Gold Rush Women: 4/5 stars. A lot of white women with these narratives, which was disappointing since most of the Gold Rush Women were indegenious or came from other areas of the world rather than just Europe or East America. Wish there were more stories on the black, mexican, indegineous, or chinese women who were forced into slavery or abused or helped create the west.

143. No one is too small to make a difference: 5/5 stars. Greta Thornberg amazes me. Here we have a 15 year old with aspergers who is doing her best to inspire scientists, politicians, and anyone in the world to take charge of our climate change issues. It also amazes me how many people are threatened by a 15 year old and she’s forced to repeat herself in her speeches because people refuse to listen to what she has to say. She’s amazing.

144. Ookami he no Yomeiri: 3.5/5 stars A bunny and a wolf get married. What more can I say?

145. Monody: 3/5 stars: Monody is a strange poetry book. The lyrical writing leaves lacking in terms of uniqueness and deep thought, but aesthetically it is beautiful. Blue font paired with geographical maps of Reno, Nevada, the poetry book comes off more of an art piece.

146. Usagi no Mori: 3/5 stars. Uhmmm. Don’t remember…

#2019 books #2019 book reviews #2019 book list #book reviews