#and i want to be held by my bf so much. these months have felt like an eternity | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

auras-moonstone · 8 months

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girl, i’m in dire need of some jack angst!! (i know, i’m crazy for wanting my heart to be ripped out by your beautiful writing in the saddest way possible😂)

maybe he and the reader have been dating for a few months and have their first big fight, maybe he’s been a little too close to a girl the reader has been having weird gut feelings about. they break up after some harsh words were said, and a few weeks later the reader sees that he’s dating the girl he told her not to worry about 👀

a few months pass, and jack and the girl break up bc he can’t get over the reader, and he tries to win her back, but soon realises he lost her for good when he sees her ar an event or something with someone else, and it’s clear that they’re more than friends.

(i kinda envision this as actress!reader x jack. and the event could be the oscars + the reader’s new bf could also be an A list celeb)

lyrics that could inspire you:

“'Cause there we are again when I loved you so, Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known” - All Too Well (Taylor’s Version)

“I'm sitting eyes wide open and I got one thing stuck in my mind, Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life” - I Don’t Wanna Live Forever

thank you so much and i’m sorry if this req is all over the place 😂😂❣️

hii! this might be one of the saddest things i’ve written yet. hope you like it<3

break me like a promise — jack champion

word count: 2,949

pairing: jack champion x actress!fem!reader, louis partridge x fem!reader (brief).

summary: jack breaks y/n’s heart, and after ten months he is determined to win her back, he sees her being happy with someone else.

author’s note: when i read “readers new bf could be a celeb” i knew i had to include the other love of my life aka louis partridge aka london boy.

Y/N AND JACK HAD MET THROUGH JENNA ORTEGA. The latter and Y/N both worked for Netflix, so they bumped into each other in lots of events and eventually became super close. And, knowing how big of a Scream fan Y/N was, Jenna invited her over to set and that’s where she met Jack.

No one could deny that sparks flew instantly between them, not even the two people involved. And that scared Y/N a bit, because her last relationship had left her with insecurities and trust issues, and she wasn’t sure if she was ready to dive into another relationship.

Jack had been very understanding about it, and told her that they should start as friends. He assured her that he would wait as long as she needed to, that she was worth it. And after months and months of therapy, Y/N finally felt ready to try things with Jack.

They were in a lavender haze for months. Her relationship with Jack was unlike anything Y/N had experienced before. The love she felt for him was so strong that there was no way to put it into words. Jack was her best friend—he had held her hand as she healed, and drew stars around the scars that the previous relationship had left on her. And she never would have thought he was going to be the one who made the wounds bleed again.

Jealousy is often seen as a toxic feeling, and after talking with her shrink about it, Y/N came to a conclusion—the toxicity depends on the way you handle that feeling. So Y/N decided to put her fears on the table, instead of jumping into conclusions. That’s what she thought would be the most healthy thing to do. Jack would be honest with her, and the thoughts that had been eating her alive would disappear.

But as soon as she said the words and saw Jack’s expression of irritation, Y/N knew she should’ve kept her mouth shut.

“Seriously? I can’t have female friend now” Jack spat furiously.

“What?! Of course you can. That’s not what I’m saying” Y/N said calmly. “I just… she clearly has feelings for you. And I’m not saying you should stop hanging out with her, I just need to know if she’s just a friend to you… or if there is room for more.”

“I can’t fucking believe you’re telling me this.” he shook his head in disbelief.

“Jack, I’m not accusing you of cheating or anything, really. You’ve been spending so much time with her…” more than with me, she wanted to add. But that would make things worse. “and I just have this weird feeling. I need to know how you really feel, that’s it. If you tell me you don’t like her, I’ll believe you. But please be honest with me.”

“What I really feel is that you’re suffocating me with your shitty problems.” his demeanour was so calm, but his words were sharp as knives, and they cut right through her heart. She had trouble believing the words had actually left his mouth. “I’ve waited for you for months, I helped you through all of it. And now you’re making this shit up? Grow up.”

Y/N felt like throwing up. She felt like she was about to spit her heart. “You don’t mean that.” her voice broke. “In all of these months, when have I ever brought up one of your female friends? Not once. Because I know they are only friends. But with her, Jack, I just feel like there is something more. And yes, maybe I’m overthinking, but that’s why I’m asking. That’s it. I’m just asking, Jack.”

“Stop being so fucking paranoid. I get that your ex cheated on you, but stop seeing ghosts everywhere.”

“Why are you being so mean? Why are you avoiding the question? It’s simple, Jack. Do you have feelings for her?” Y/N asked, the knot in her throat grew in size when she noticed he couldn’t look her in the eyes. “Jack?”

“We’re just friends, jesus!” he said annoyed. Y/N wanted so bad to play dumb, to pretend she couldn’t see he was lying.

“You know I can read you like a book, right?” she asked softly, sad. “When you lie, you can’t look me in the eyes, you play with your hands and bite the inside of your cheeks.”

“Y/N… fucking drop it. I’m tired of this”

“We are over, Jack” she tried to walk towards the door, but he grabbed her and pulled her against his chest, trapping her in his arms.

He saw the tears steaming down her face and cursed himself. “Shit. No, please. Let’s talk. I’m sorry” he sound like he was about to cry, and Y/N knew she needed to leave. Because even though he had hurt her, the soft spot in her heart was still reserved for him.

“No, let’s just leave it like this because if you keep talking, I’m afraid I might end up resenting you, and I don’t want that.”

“I love you, Y/N” Jack hugged her tightly. “Please let’s fix this. I promise you nothing happened with her, and nothing will.”

“I love you too, but I don’t believe you. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore” and so she stepped away for the arms she loved the most in the world and left without glancing back. If she did, she knew she wouldn’t be able to leave.

EVER SINCE SHE WALKED OUT OF JACK’S HOUSE TWO WEEKS AGO, Y/N HAD BEEN OVERWORKING HERSELF TO AVOID HER THOUGHTS OF JACK CREEPING INTO HER MIND. She had stayed out of social media, and had deleted Jack’s number from her phone to avoid temptations. Her friends kept their eyes on her all the time, worried about the inevitable breakdown. You can only hold back for so long before it becomes too much.

Louis, her co-star, had been by her side as much as he could. And, like every morning, he was waiting for her on her trailer with a caramel macchiato and a shiny grin on his handsome face.

“And a chocolate chip muffin?” Y/N asked, seeing the mouth-watering treat next to her Starbucks drink. “What’s the special occasion?”

Louis stared at her, frowning. Not any indications of having had a break down, not even puffy eyes, which meant one thing—she hadn’t seen the pictures yet. “Nothing” he blurted, showing his charming smile. “Just saw it and had to buy it.”

“You really need to stop buying me these breakfasts, Lou. I’m going to get cavities” Y/N said taking a sip of her overly sweet drink.

“But look at how happy it makes you. Cavities will be worth it, don’t you think?”

“You may have a point. Scoot over” she told him, nudging his leg with her foot. Louis moved his body so that she could sit next to him on the small couch. It was not made for two people, so they were basically pressed against the other, yet they found it comfortable. Especially Louis, whose insides melted because of the closeness between them—his not so tiny crush on her was painfully obvious.

“What are you doing?” Louis asked, trying to keep his voice calm as she unlocked her phone.

“I forgot to check which surprise songs Taylor sang last night” she answered as she opened twitter. “Oh god”

“What?!” Louis squealed.

“She sang Cornelia Street and You’re on your own kid! And I wasn’t there, Lou!” she dramatically dropped her head on his chest. He couldn’t help but sigh in relief. “What is going on with you?” she laughed.

“Nothing. Why?” he laughed awkwardly.

“I don’t know, you’re extra jumpy and panicky today.”

“I’m always jumpy and panicky around you.” he said, trying to brush it off.

“No, you’re not” Y/N furrowed her eyes, locking her phone. Louis eyed the action and his chest relaxed. The girl noticed that, so she unlocked it again and started scrolling through Twitter. On her periphery, she saw the boy’s body tensing again. So it had to do with social media, she guessed. “Louis, I’m not dumb. Tell me what is going on.”

“Nothing” he repeated. “Let’s rehearse our lines.”

“Lou, I love you but you’re getting on my nerves right now. I hate being lied to, you know that.”

Y/N’s vulnerable eyes were his weakness, so he sighed and took her hand in his. “This weekend, some fans caught Jack walking around the city with a girl… and they… um, saw them kissing and holding hands.”

Y/N felt her heart drop, and her eyes started to sting. No. She wasn’t going to cry. She hadn’t let herself cry for two weeks and she was not going to start now. “Oh.”

“Give me your phone” Louis said softly. She was too lost in her own mind to question it, so she just obeyed. “I deleted Tik Tok and Instagram. And silenced any Jack related stuff on Twitter. You don’t need to see those pictures.”

“Louis… the girl… is it her?” Y/N asked, trying to keep her voice in control.

“Stop” his voice was firm.

“I want to move on, Lou. And for that, I need to know I was right first.” she pleaded. “Is it her?” her friend nodded slowly as he brought her to his chest. Y/N did a little nod too, and tried to stand up. “Let’s rehearse our lines.”

“Y/N…” he grabbed her elbow to push her back.

“Lou, please. I don’t want to cry, I don’t want to think about it.” he noticed she was two seconds away to burst into tears. And as much as he knew he would hate the sight of her weeping, it was necessary.

“I know you don’t, Y/N/N, but you have to if you want to move on. You’re never getting over this if you keep ignoring your need to cry.”

“I’m just afraid that if I do, I won’t be able to stop.” she confessed, tears starting to blur her vision.

“It feels like that now, but I promise you it’ll be good for you. You have been holding it back for weeks, and once you let it all out, you’ll start to heal” he said as he played with her hair.

“Two weeks… it took him two weeks to go off and date her. And it’s not only some girl… it’s her. He told me I was paranoid, and now he proved me right.”

Jack had promised nothing would happen between him and that girl, and now he broke his promise just like he had broken her heart two weeks ago.

After the realisation, it was like something snapped inside of Y/N, and one sob turned into desperate crying. Her fragile body shook under Louis’ arms, and he wished he could stop her pain. But he couldn’t, so he just stayed there with her holding her as she let it all out.

AS MUCH AS SHE HOPED THE CRYING WOULD EASE THE PAIN, IT DIDN’T. It had been months of being in a rollercoaster of feelings, sometimes she was okay, sometimes she was great and sometimes she was so low not even Louis’ hugs could lift her up.

The days where she didn’t have to shoot were the worst, because she spent hours in bed and her brain betrayed her by bringing the memories of Jack back. She missed him so much, it was completely agonizing. Why?, she asked herself when the room was dark and she couldn’t sleep. Why did he get to move on while she had to spend her days like that? She has been trying to pick up her heart while Jack was all lovey-dovey with the girl he swore was just his friend.

Jack continued her life without her, while Y/N woke up everyday with his memory over her. She longed for the picture of Jack’s dazzling smile to be gone from her mind. She prayed to forget the sound of his voice as he whispered the sweetest of things on her ear. She wished she could stop hearing his angelic laugh everywhere. She wanted to stop feeling the ghost of his touch against her skin. To forget that his lips were soft and that every time they were pressed against hers she could feel goosebumps all over her body. Y/N just wanted to stop being haunted by the memories of Jack.

Louis had slowly helped her through the process of moving on. He was there to offer his warmth when the wrenching thoughts triggered the waves of tears, and he was also there to make her break a smile once the sobbing stopped.

After eight months, the flood of her tears successfully carried away the thoughts of Jack, and Y/N knew she was finally clean. Not that she didn’t miss him, because Jack was her first love after all, and a small part of her would always love him.

It took her a few more months to be sure if she was ready to risk it again, but Louis’ sweet disposition, how he saw the best in her even in her worst times, showed her that he was worth it. And so she she watched it began again with him.

JACK AND THE GIRL LASTED FOR TWO MONTHS. He never intended to have something with her, but she was interested and he was lonely and sad, so he said yes. But reality crept in soon—he loved Y/N with all his heart and no matter who he was with, his thoughts would always go back to her.

He had been texting her for months, but she had blocked his number. He knew he could easily drive to her house, but he didn’t want to add salt to the multiple wounds he had inflicted on her, it would be selfish. So when Jack saw that Avatar 4 and Y/N’s drama film were both nominated for the Oscars, he knew it was his chance to make things right. To bring back the only real thing he had ever known.

But he didn’t plan on seeing her with someone else. And he knew they weren’t there together just as co-stars, they were each other’s date. The spark in Y/N’s eyes when she looked at Louis was familiar to Jack—it was the way they used to shine just for him. Jack had been the one to extinguish the spark on her eyes, and Louis had managed to light them up again.

And he wasn’t even mad or jealous. He actually felt happy and sad. Jack didn’t understand how it was possible for two opposite feelings to co-exist in his body at the same time. He realized it was a lost battle, yet he needed to do talk to her. For the sake of their once marvellous relationship.

Y/N got out of the bathroom and into the crowded room, but the thousands of people in it became blurry once she recognized the silhouette of a handsome tall boy leaning against the entrance. “Jack?” his name left her lips in a mix of anguish and surprise.

“Hey” he said softly. You look beautiful, he wanted to add, but restrained himself. “I wanted to talk to you.” Jack saw her grimace and continued before she could stop him. “I know. I know it’s the last thing you want, I just need to get this off my chest. You’re not paranoid or insecure. You never overwhelmed me with your problems. You were right, and I was a shitty boyfriend, friend and person, and you have been so amazing and patient… and I’m so sorry, Y/N. I never deserved your love.”

“You did… up until that night.” she said in all honesty. “I loved you so much, and then you said all of those things. I can’t forget about it, because I never expected those words to come out of your mouth.”

“I know, and I really don’t expect you to forgive me. It’s okay and understandable if you don’t, but I needed you to know that those things I said weren’t true at all.” Jack said, pressing his lips in a thin line. “To be honest, I came here with the mind set of trying to win you back” he confessed, and let out a little laugh, as if the idea was now ridiculous. “But I saw you with him and I know that I’ve lost you for good. Are you happy with him?”

Y/N saw his deep brown eyes starting to get glossy and her insides melted. She didn’t see him with romantic eyes anymore, but it didn’t mean the love was gone. She still cared for him with every bone in her body. “I am. He’s amazing.”

Jack smiled. Genuinely smiled, so widely that it made a few tears drop, and before she knew it, Y/N’s cheeks were wet too. “That’s great, Y/N/N. Really great. I’m happy for you.”

And that was the moment Y/N knew Jack honestly regretted the words he had said before their breakup. “I forgive you.”

The tall boy’s eyes widened “What?”

“I forgive you.” she repeated. “And you deserve to be happy too, okay?”

“Thank you” Jack said breathlessly, wiping away the tears.

“I need to go. But it was nice to see you, thank you for coming to talk to me. For real. I really needed that, I think we both needed that.”

And so they both smiled to each other one last time before parting ways. There was nothing left to say, staying friends had never been an option with them. They loved each other too much for that. When it came to Y/N and Jack, it was everything or nothing at all.

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mlmxreader · 1 year

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Big Boy | König x m!reader

Anonymous asked: Ooohhh König with a short boyfriend? Someone jokingly asks about the height difference and his bf says “I have to climb him like a damn tree every time I want a kiss, it’s annoying.” And König’s like “you can ask me to bend down, you know.” “Nah, you’re my personal jungle gym.”

summary: König loves his pilot boyfriend, even if he is a bit of a pain.

tws: swearing, smoking

König was a lot taller than you, and although you did love him ever so dearly, you had to admit: it could be a pain in the backside and a half to be physically affectionate sometimes. But you made it work, and although some of your fellow pilots in the RAF did tease you for it, it was all in good nature and was not anything other than banter.

Often, when you were off of work for a while König would come home with only one thing in mind: cuddling you; he loved how you seemed to fit so well in his embrace, your head on his chest as he laid a large hand between your shoulders and an arm around your waist while some old song by Sodom or Slayer played quietly, too tired and worn out to talk, too overwhelmed with seeing you at last to even consider opening his mouth, he always kissed you too much for that.

But his favourite thing by far was when he would come to the air field; he loved to watch you land your plane - the Red Kite - while Perveen, Bashar, Pahwa and Cohen landed behind - their planes being the Golden Eagle, Peregrine Falcon, Red Tailed Hawk and Bearded Vulture respectively. What made König love it so much though was not the planes themselves or how they were painted to look like the birds they were named after, but it was how you reacted to seeing him stood on the tarmac.

Without fail, he would bring a thermos of your favourite coffee and would have two cigarettes ready to be smoked; when you first became his boyfriend, you said once that you loved a coffee and a smoke when you landed, and König never forgot.

He was dressed down as he stood on the tarmac, a camo print hoodie in dark green and trousers of the same, but sporting a bright orange beanie hat. If he remembered correctly, you had gotten that hat for him for his birthday as a present a few months after you first started dating, the thought of which made him smile as he felt the rain gently tap, a warning that it was about to start pouring.

Although it was going to be awful, the weather was actually on König's side, as it had meant an early return for the pilots who had been out on a training exercise, it meant his boyfriend would return early.

He watched the Red Kite eagerly, and when it came to a full stop and you climbed out, he grinned.

"Ah, fuck! Shit! Shit! Fucking shit! Why'd it have to fucking rain right as I fucking-" your little rant of complaints came to a halt when you saw König.

A grin spread across your features, and you quickly made your way towards him, running until you crashed right into his body, pressing your face against him as you tightly held onto him. "Hi, Maus."

König eagerly returned the embrace as he smiled. "Hallo, mein geliebter... bist du gut?"

You nodded. "Now I got you, yeah... ich bin sehr gut... und du?"

"Ich bin super," he admitted, unable to stop grinning as he held you tightly. "Wie war dein Flug?"

You shrugged. "Okay... fuck, I missed you."

He gently pulled back, and when you jumped into his arms to kiss him, he couldn't help but to laugh softly; kissing you back eagerly before he gently set you down again, resting his forearm on your head.

"Hey, (y/n)!" Parveen called, grinning from ear to ear. "How'd you kiss him?"

You shrugged, waiting for him to get closer before you dared to answer, "how'd you think? I have to climb him like a damn tree every time I want a kiss, it's annoying as fuck, mate."

König looked down at you for a moment, his brows furrowing. "You can ask me to bend down, you know, Bärchen."

Gently, you tapped his stomach as you shook your head. "Nah, you're my personal jungle gym... besides, it's like a positive reinforcement thing."

He cocked his brow, trying not to smile as he let his hand slip to your shoulders, resting between them as he slowly moved his thumb up and down, letting you lean into him. "You could still ask me to Kuss you."

"I'd rather not," you shook your head, licking your lips as you smiled. "It's more fun this way."

"Why don't you just punch him in the stomach?" Perveen jokingly asked. "That'll make him bend down."

König glared at the Squadron Leader. "Don't encourage him, bitte."

You were about to open your mouth, let off some smart ass comment, when König shoved his hand into his pocket, and gave you a cigarette and a lighter; he bent down, picked up the thermos, and held it out for you, doing his best not to smile when you eagerly lit up your cigarette and held it between your lips as you opened the thermos and let the stench of coffee hit you.

Sure, you could be a pain, you could be a nightmare, but König adored you, and he honestly couldn't wait until he had you back home; he couldn't wait to feel you in his embrace and to hold you so tightly, bouncing on his heels slightly as he waited for you to smoke your cigarette and drink your coffee. He knew you loved and needed it.

if you liked this fic, REBLOG IT - you SHOULD reblog it; spam likers WILL be blocked. as will blogs that refuse to reblog or to give feedback. if you don't wanna reblog, then you'll get blocked; reblogging is the BARE MINIMUM. don't just "like", REBLOG

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bloodybreakupscene · 11 months

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I had sent a request like yesterday- and AAA IM SO HAPPY TO SEE IT DONE ALREADY!! IT WAS SO CUTE >^<

I had another idea, cause my brain has been absolutely filled with different thoughts! Once again, earth 1610! Miles morales- but this time with a very well off partner who tends to spoil him alot. Like gift after gift, as soon as Miles is saying he likes or wants something- they're getting it for him!!

It's just something they really enjoy doing and they love seeing the smiles they get from Miles when he sees the gifts!!

-> 𝐇𝐔𝐒𝐇.

miles morales x reader

-> u like to buy ur cutie patootie bf miles expensive gifts and he's like aw :(

-> btw guys i do other characters LOL i kinda wanna try writing for hobie!! i've been trying to research british slang but i can't stop laughing (it's the AMERICAN 🤓🇺🇲🔥🔫 in me i swear)

you and your boyfriend miles were walking along the streets of brooklyn, occasionally stopping for snacks or to observe the stores placed amongst each other. you held his hand and he held yours. this was just another after school thing you two would do.

". . . and when i walked in he was wearing my shoes! like what the hell man." miles ranted, slightly shifting the story because if he told you what actually happened he'd reveal his identity as spiderman, and that wasn't a path he wanted to go down just yet.

"pfft, that's funny. you know, if it bothers you so much i could just buy you another pair of shoes." you reply, nonchalantly.

"huh? no way! that's your money, besides, you already bought me enough stuff."

"i gifted you stuff," you corrected, before joking once more, "you deserve it anyway! i mean, c'mon miles be grateful."

"i am grateful! i just feel bad, you know, they're all so expensive." he defends.

"name ONE gift that was expensive."

"the ohuhu marker set!"

it was miles' birthday and you were at his dorm for a small celebration, just the two of you [ ganke left because he didn't wanna third-wheel. ] so, you two were just sitting on the floor as he opened the carefully wrapped gift.

"so, how's being fifteen so far?" you make small talk, while a pit of happiness boils inside of you as you can't wait for his reaction to the gift you got him.

"totally fun. can't wait to do adult stuff." he laughs, and just as he finishes his sentence he sees a black bag with markers in them, specifically 216 markers. it was a set that cost roughly $170.00.

"oh my god!" he stands up, that's the reaction hoped for, "these are so cool." he rushes to pull you up, kissing you on your lips, holding a side of your face with his hand.

"how much were they?"

"don't worry! it's your birthday you deserve it." you pull him into your arms, embracing him.

"i looked it up when you left and they were almost $200!"

"you're worth more than $200 miles."

"aw," he leans his head on your shoulder as you both continue to walk down the street. "wait! what about that other time, when you got me a camera.”

it was summer time, you and miles walked into a random electronics store. as you both observed the different assortments of cameras, miles picked one of them up, a small, old digicam.

"my uncle used to have one of these." he says, as he moves the camera around in his hand to look at the many details on the camcorder. over the few months you've been dating, you noticed the admiration he had for his uncle, he even mentioned going down under the subway tracks to graffiti on the walls.

"do you wanna get it?"

"nah, it's $40. let's go get lunch, i'm starving."

"wait! but you like it right? i could get it for you, if you want."

"what! no way, i should be the one spoiling you." he wraps his arm around your waist.

you both eventually walked out the store, but later, for christmas that year, you gave it him as an early gift. miles felt like crying, not a sad cry, more like, 'i've never felt more appreciated in my life i love you so much' kind of cry. he couldn't stop hugging and kissing you that day.

"the camera was a gift for both of us." you rolled your eyes, "i just gave it to you to hold, indefinitely!"

miles gives you a look, "whatever, you know i'd love anything you give me, regardless of price."

#fanfic #spiderman #spiderman x reader #spiderman x y/n #across the spiderverse #beyond the spiderverse #into the spider verse #miles morales x reader #miles morales #miles morales x y/n #miles morales x you

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kkyeomies · 2 months

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Im so excited to hear that you’re going to be writing again! I love seventeen, and idk if requests are open but I’d love to ask for a tiny seungkwan Drabble. maybe first time with seungkwan? where it’s cute at first but gets really steamy 😭 sorry if this is a weird request, feel free to ignore it ^^

hi anon, thank you for being my first request!!!!! i know you said drabble, but i... got very carried away. i hope i interpreted it the way u wanted :) my writing is still a bit rusty, so i also hope this is a tolerable read 🙏🏽

First Time

pairing - bf!seungkwan x reader

content- fluff, smut, new relationship, first time, reader is a virgin

warnings: none

word count- 2.1k

He was stumped. He had tried what seemed like every trick in the book, but he still couldn’t figure out why you didn’t want to have sex with him. You’d been dating for almost four months, and Seungkwan couldn’t help but feel like he was doing something wrong. He had never forced you to do anything you didn’t want to, of course, but by now, he simply couldn’t figure out why you shied away when he tried to go further. Despite this, you were still very affectionate toward him and expressed only love. Tonight, however, Seungkwan decided he would put an end to his agony, whichever way it would end.

”Baby, can I ask you something?”

You look down at his face from where he lays on your lap, both of you currently in his bed relaxing and listening to music. His soft black locks weaved through your fingers as you brushed them back in a soothing motion. You always thought he looked the most beautiful like this, face free of worries or cares, just enjoying the time between the two of you.

As you held eye contact with him, you could see a hint of hesitation in his deep brown eyes. Offering him a warm smile, you reply.

”Have I ever said no to that question?”

Seungkwan moved up from your lap to sit, leaning on the headboard next to you, taking your hand in his and squeezing it slightly.

”Am I doing something wrong? Like, to make you uncomfortable? Or is it something I said? I promise I can fix it- just let me know, and I’ll d-“

”Whoa, sweetie, where is this coming from?”

You sit up a little straighter, trying to understand where this is heading. You could feel him playing with your fingernails, something he often did when he was anxious about something.

He hesitates again before saying, “It’s just that, well, we’ve been together for a while now, and every time I try to… go further… you don’t seem to like it, so I don’t know if … ” His voice fizzles out to a whisper at the end of his insinuation, anticipating the worst possible answer from you. Instead, he was surprised to see your face heat up in embarrassment as the weight of his words sunk in.

In just a moment, your positions switched. His dependant grip on your hand turns reassuring, and he scoots a little closer to drape his other arm over your shoulder to draw you into him.

”Hey, it’s okay. We don’t have to talk about it if it makes you uncomfortable. Forget I even mentioned it.” He copies your warm smile from earlier as he lifts your chin to meet his eyes. As much as he wanted an answer to his troubles, it wasn’t worth any pain on your part.

You look down at your intertwined fingers before speaking, “It’s just- I’ve never had sex before.”

Frankly, he was shocked. He had never even considered that an option. He knew you had dated before and just assumed you had experience (in his eyes, you were too attractive to be a virgin still), but now he felt like an idiot.

”I’m so sorry, baby, I just thought- I shouldn’t have assumed. We can wait until whenever you want to.” He pressed a small kiss to your head as he pulled you closer into his arms.

“Well, it’s not that I don’t want to. I’m just afraid.”

“Afraid of what?”

“Messing up, I guess. What if you don’t like it, or I can’t make you feel good?”

He sat up to face you better before saying, “I don’t think you’ve ever made me not feel good.”

You scoffed lightheartedly, amused by his flattery, but he looked dead serious.

“I’m not kidding. I promise you nothing you could do would ever make me feel bad, and you know I’d take good care of you, too. Plus, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It's a ‘first time’ for a reason, silly.” His reassuring tone put you at ease. You had no doubt he would take care of you; he’s proved that to be true every day you’ve been together.

You had been replaying that conversation since it occurred over two weeks ago. The more you thought Seungkwan’s words, the more your fear dissipated, leaving an unfamiliar sense of excitement in your belly.

You and Seungkwan were settled on the couch for your first movie night in a while. It was his first day off of schedules, and he wanted to spend it cuddled up with you.

“What’s wrong, honey? Did I choose the wrong flavor of ice cream?”

“I’m ready.”

“Huh?”

You took a deep breath before declaring, “I want you to take good care of me, Kwannie.”

His confused face shifted as it clicked in his head, and in less than a minute, he had swept you away to the bedroom. In one fluid move, he laid you down on the bed and settled himself in between your hips. He was wasting no time as he pulled his hoodie off, littering kisses down your neck and chest. As he pulled back for a breath, you could catch a good look at his face, shining with a newfound energy.

“You know how long I’ve waited for this moment, baby? All I want to do is make you feel good. Will you let me do that, hmm?”

You could only offer him a whimper, both taken aback and extremely turned on by this new side of him you were seeing. He dove back in to capture your lips while stripping the both of you down. Soon, you were situated between the soft sheets underneath you and the cage of Seungkwan’s arms. The temperature was becoming borderline unbearable as your skin heated up with passion and anticipation.

He shifted down your body slowly, leaving a trail of open-mouthed kisses all over your stomach and thighs. His hands roamed over your breasts gently, causing your nipples to perk up and a cool shiver to wash over you. When he reached the foot of the bed, he dropped to his knees on the floor and moved your legs onto his shoulders, spreading you open in all your glory. Seungkwan couldn't hold back his low groan after seeing you already wet and ready for him to dive in. You gasped as his tongue finally met your folds; he was really wasting no time. To be honest, you had never expected him to be this forward. He always treated you like you were something precious, so gentle, so caring, but now he was so… rough. But you would be lying if you said you didn't like it.

You were brought back down to earth when Seungkwan moved up to your clit and slid two fingers into your entrance. With a gasp, you propped yourself on your elbows to look at his face. You could see his eyes were clouded with lust as he looked up at you, maintaining a hurried pace with his mouth. It was too much all at once; you dropped back down with a loud moan, causing him to rut against the side of the bed. He had never been this hard in his entire life, but he was determined to get you to finish first before he even thought of touching himself. He always knew you would taste good but never expected it to be this amazing.

“Fuck, I’m so close, baby, don’t stop!” You could barely get the words out before he slipped in a third finger, hitting that sweet spot right on the nose. Your face was scrunched up in pleasure; you had never felt this good.

“Come for me, baby, wanna feel you cum around me.”

With a few more thrusts of his fingers, you felt your orgasm hit you like a tidal wave, washing over you from head to toe. You swore your vision blacked out for a second from the intensity.

By the time you came to your senses, Seungkwan had moved back up your body and was softly sucking hickeys into your neck and jaw.

“You did so good for me, honey, so good.”

Still trying to catch your breath, you held the back of his head to pull him into a searing kiss. Your manicured nails grazing his scalp almost knocked him out; he let out a small huff as he pressed his forehead to yours, brown eyes meeting yours.

“I love you so much, you know that? My sweet angel, so beautiful,” he murmurs, planting a soft kiss on your forehead as he reaches over to his nightstand to pull out a condom. You finally got a good glimpse of his hard cock as he rolled the rubber on; you had seen his dick before, but never this hard. The tip was an irritated shade of red, clear that he had been struggling for too long.

“Wait.”

Seungkwan paused what he was doing to look up at you, bewildered. You grabbed his arm to lead him to sit against the headboard and straddled his thighs. He looked up at you, slightly amused, and you said, “It’s my turn to take care of you.”

He honestly thought he could’ve died then and there. The way your hair fell around your shoulders, framing your flushed face, and the borderline painful grip you had on his biceps nearly crushed him. He had never seen you like this, and it drove him crazy.

“I love you so much Kwannie, so much.”

You gave him no chance to respond as you sank down on him. Both of you let out loud groans, the tight fit sending pleasure throughout your bodies. You were grateful to gravity for helping you out, the sensation too overwhelming to focus on pushing it in voluntarily.

“You’re so tight, oh my God. Don’t move, please,” he sobbed. His hands flew to grip your hips with a grasp so tight you thought he would draw blood. You were left with nowhere to escape as the tip of his cock pressed against the deepest part of you, showing no mercy as he took the time to compose himself. He almost came when the entrance of your pussy squeezed his tip and couldn’t even think of continuing if you started moving right away.

“You’re so big- fuck, baby. Can’t believe you even fit.”

Seungkwan groaned partly in pleasure and in panic as he desperately attempted to delay his orgasm. There was no way he would cum without seeing your face when you reached your high again.

After a few moments, you both were steady enough to return to reality, and you slowly started rutting against him. With each swivel of your hips, your moans got louder, and in no time you were bouncing up and down on his dick. Seungkwan’s grip only got tighter (if that was even possible) when he could feel himself hit that gummy spot inside you. He moved one of his hands up to your hair to pull your head back and expose your neck, where he returned to his previous marks that were already bruising beautifully. With an almost wicked smirk, he leaned into your body, nipping at your already sensitive skin. You jolted to a halt as the feeling shot down to your clit. It had been just a few minutes since your first orgasm, but you could already feel your second one fighting its way to the surface.

“Can’t believe I’m the first one to see you like this, fuck! You look so sexy, baby, all fucked out for me. My pretty baby, you’re mine, right? You’re all for me? Only me.”

Before you could respond, he had flipped you both over. You were back in the position you started in, and Seungkwan took the extra step to move your calves onto his shoulders. This was the deepest he had hit all night, fully bottoming out into you. Neither of you was going to last any longer.

“Only you- Fuck- I’m coming again!”

His pace was unrelenting as he got you to your second high of the night. You clenched around him for the last time, finally coaxing his orgasm. He fully came within a few more sturdy pumps before slowing to a stop, panting like crazy.

You took a little longer to recuperate, at which time Seungkwan had disposed of the condom and prepped a warm towel to clean you up.

“So beautiful, my love. You did such a good job. I’m so proud of you,” he kissed your temple firmly. This was better than any ending he could’ve imagined.

i hope u enjoyed :) feel free to let me know if anything is wrong or if my writing can be improved, i haven't written anything in like two years 😭 send any requests u have, I'll slowly get to them!

#kkyeomies #seventeen smut #svt smut #seungkwan smut #seungkwan fanfic #seungkwan fluff #seungkwan x reader #seventeen x reader #svt x reader #kkyeomies fic #kkyeomies answered #kkyeomies smut

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jaemified · 11 months

Text

last - xu minghao

"i dont want our first time to be our last."

pairing ; xu minghao x fem!reader

genre ; suggestive (haaahahhahaa), est relationship, hao and reader are graduates (kinda)

warnings ; implied mature themes, first time together but not first time overall

wordcount ; 0.7k

synopsis ; youre going to the states for college, minghaos pursuing his dream in korea. and hes gonna miss you, badly.

note - hao is so bf in this pic help

read below the cut !

"i got accepted into pledis, and ive decided, that i want to take the chance ive been given." minghao told y/n, letting her down easy.

'huh', she thought. it finally made sense to her now, why hed been slightly more distant then normal, and why now, with 2 months left of summer before her freshmen year of college, that he decided so abruptly that they needed to meet up.

"so thats it? youre going to korea, and im going to california? im glad youre doing what makes you happy but, why couldnt you have told me sooner? theres not much time left and we both know long distance relationships never work, i mean most movies end with the main characters being across the state, but across the world? 9066km is way to far-"

minghao cuts her off with a soft kiss, his hand moving up to her shoulder, grip growing tighter with every passing second.

the loving kiss which was meant to shut his talkative girlfriend up began to rise into something a little more.

"you worry a lot, you know?" he playfully scoffed while he leaned back, resting his forehead against hers as he moves the same hand which once rested on her shoulder, up to the back of her head.

"im just, really, really gonna miss you.." y/n whispers, before pulling him again once more by the collar of his dress shirt.

minghao lowly whimpers as y/n slightly nips at his lower lip with her teeth, then goes in for another kiss with minghao licking her own bottom lip, asking for her to let him in during the process.

pulling away, he pushes y/n down onto the bed, adding pressure onto her lower stomach with his own body weight before he goes to hover over her.

she reaches up to run her fingers through his hair, tilting her head to give minghao more access to her neck as he leans down, licking and sucking to find that one spot where she knows splotches of red would be left for her to remember him by for days.

y/n sighed as she listened to the wet sounds of minghao kissing on her neck, biting back a whimper as he reached the one spot on her neck he loved marking the most.

moving one arm down, he leaned onto his right arm while pressing his lower body into the girl below him, slightly grinding his bulge into her clothed heat through it all.

"youre so good to me, hao." she mutters into his ear, leaving a small peck on the side of his head.

he just mumbled something incoherent in response.

with his free hand, he swiftly unbuttoned the top portion of y/ns blouse, slipping his hand under her little black bralette he would always praise her in as he would watch her get dressed.

before he could do anything else, y/n quickly held minghaos wrist. as soon as he felt her hold around him, he pulled his hand back and sat up. "whats wrong? did i hurt you? he questioned with a genuine but concerned tone, using a soft voice that always managed to have y/ns head spinning.

"not at all, its just, youre leaving, and im scared."

"dont be scared, my love. im here for you, you can tell me anything. do you not want to? its fine if you dont, we can stop-" "hao, im okay. its just.." she interrupts him, then pauses.

"just?"

"i dont want our first time to be our last."

"i understand. just know i still love you."

"i love you too. but, i want to. it just feels like we are already saying goodbye even though we havent left yet."

"we arent saying goodbye. just see you later. even so, its not for another 2 months."

"but what if you meet someone better then me? what if she treats you better then i ever can? what if-" minghao stops her mid sentence with yet another kiss on the lips, but shorter then the first.

"theres no one better then you. ill visit you when i can. and when i do, we can do anything you want. fast, or slow." "ew." "you cant say ew just as im about to fuck you."

"youre right."

"you dont have to, y/n. you can back out now, its not to late."

"no, im ready." she gives him a reassuring smile.

"then, let me take care of you tonight. ill go soft on you."

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arcielee · 1 year

Text

Freedom Song

modern Aegon Targaryen x FemaleReader Summary: Your boyfriend impresses his family when you all go out for karaoke. Warnings: Mentions of rehab, but this is purely fluff. Word Count: 1284 Author’s Note: This story is dedicated to my muse @f4ll-for-you ♥ A huge thank you to her and @aspen-carter for beta reading this story. This idea was inspired by the lovely @foxee-writes who was gracious to let me write this drabble. I just wanted to continue to add to my not-really-a-series series about modern Aegon. I write him as more of a golden retriever bf after he has successfully completely the rehabilitation and therapy that poor bb desperately needed.

For you, Aegon was an open book; he was animated when he talked, but with his silence, his mannerisms were flags to indicate what brewed behind his beautiful lavender eyes.

You watched his hands and their blatant tics of agitation, from drumming his fingers against the inside of your thighs and how it evolved into the rapid bounce of his leg; he scratched the underside of his jaw, a seemingly ceaseless itch that came with the beard he was allowing to come in.

He hated to be halted, so you did not rest your hand on his knee but moved to take his palm into your own, your touch gentle and it allowed his attention to return to the little lobby the two of you waited in. Aegon turned his head and you watched as his lilac eyes refocused onto you.

“Hey,” you said with a smile.

His relief was visceral and he reached his other hand, interlacing his fingers with your own.

We fit so perfectly together, he had said to you when he first held your hand, the memory of his words brought a rose color to your cheeks.

His own smile spread across and with his exhale, you watched some of the tension lift from his shoulders. “Hey,” he said back to you, the low crack of his voice.

“We do not have to do this,” you offered him an escape. “We can always go home…”

He pursed his lips into a line and shook his head so that his silver waves moved with. “I have already missed too many birthdays and I need to make amends. Besides,” his eyes flit over the karaoke lounge, sparsely filled and drawing in the colors of the RGB lights overhead. “This is something Daeron really wants to do, so I will do this,” and he squeezed your hand, his other hand reaching into his pocket. “Besides, I want to show them this.”

It was his sobriety chip to celebrate his eleventh month mark and you could not have been more proud.

It was little larger than a half dollar and was the reminder of the dark times that were, but also how it too shall pass. He held onto it, something he could fidget with when his anxiety flared up, but it also was a medal of honor, a token of proof to show that he had persevered and would continue just that.

The peace continued when he saw it was only his mother and siblings who showed up; his father was not in the best of health and had little energy to much of anything these days, and his grandfather was too wrapped up in maintaining what his father could not do.

You felt relieved. His mother, Alicent as she asked you to call her, obviously loved her son, but her father would get into her head about how it was best to raise them, and his siblings were aware of his shortcomings, but loved Aegon still in their very unique way.

Daeron bubbled with excitement, in part because he loved to sing but you also imagined he took pleasure in the discomfort of his older brothers, Aemond and Aegon. Aemond was a silent force, with a severe expression and dark clothes, his eye looking over their surroundings as they were led into the rented booth. And Helaena was rosy, her excitement glittered in her eyes with the prospect to sing her heart out, also aware of the discomfort for her brothers and wilfully ignoring it.

They took their seats and Daeron bounded to the stage, choosing some pop song and singing along. Aemond, long and lean, sank into a corner part of the couch, legs stanced wide and his gaze solemn, as always. Alicent and Helaena were seated together and you leaned back into the couch, watching Aegon pour over the log of songs available on the tablet; his brow furrowed and his lips moved wordless as he read through the titles, the light from the screen highlighting his handsome features.

He was aglow when he handed you the tablet. “This one?” You confirmed, your finger resting on the song.

Aegon nodded, wiping his palms against his jeans before clapping along with his mother and sister when Daeron finished. “You next?” He asked and Aegon nodded, wetting his lips with his tongue and moving to take the microphone.

Part of his rehabilitation was relearning himself, but sober. With this, he had a newfound passion for music that he had never touched before. You remembered the first time you heard him singing in the shower; you were flushed by his voice, your mouth agape when he exited the bathroom. You always encouraged him to sing, well aware of the brief reprieve it allowed him with every song he disappeared into.

And now, you leaned back to watch the reactions of his family as Aegon cleared his throat.

Daeron’s skittish giggled stopped the moment the timbre of his voice poured into the speakers, though the sound quality was what would be considered for a karaoke bar, it did not take away from the fact that Aegon could fucking sing.

His younger brother’s eyes were wide and he sank back into the sofa to watch him. Alicent’s eyes were just as wide and glassy as she took in her son, as if she was truly seeing him for the first time; Helaena just closed her eyes and swayed her head in rhythm to the music.

You dared to glance at Aemond and even his stoic nature cracked slightly, as his brow arched while he listened.

Aegon was beautiful when he sang, of course; his eyes were closed and there was color to his cheeks from the natural smile that accompanied the lyrics. He moved along with the music, his passion for this habit did not allow him to hold still.

When he finished, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at you, smiling still.

His mother and Helaena bound to their feet, clapping and singing praises, while Daeron was flabbergasted. “Holy shit, you can sing,” he managed.

Alicent flipped on her mom-mode, her dark eyes locked onto him. “Daeron. Language.”

He grinned sheepishly and even Aemond hummed a compliment, “Well sung, brother.” He had the hint of a smile to his lips.

Daeron clasped his hand on his shoulder, bright eyed with a newfound respect for his brother. “What else are you keeping from us?”

Aegon shifted his weight and glanced at you; you nod reassuringly, subtle with your smile. He reached into his pocket and presented the token.

You saw that Aemond recognized it, as he had also been present with the prior attempts of his sobriety, but his expression softened when he saw the color, a forest green, a color he had not seen in his brother’s palm before.

For Aegon, it is a wordless gesture and it is met with the support he deserved. Daeron and Helaena both threw their arms around him, smiles and congratulations on their lips, while Aemond only reached to touch his shoulder, the curl of his mouth enough to let him know he was proud of Aegon.

You enjoyed this moment, content to be a spectator, until you felt the gentle touch of Alicent as she wrapped her arm around your waist and pulled you into her side. “Thank you,” she whispered in your ear.

But it was not necessary. You, like Aemond, had always been around and presented him with the opportunity, time and time again. You also knew that Aegon had to want it, or it would never work.

Most importantly, you would always be grateful for the day he had taken the help offered.

Arcie’s Masterlist

#modern aegon #modern hotd au #aegon targaryen #aegon targaryen x reader #aegon targaryen x you #aegon targaryen fanfic #aegon targaryen fanfiction

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fict1onallyobsessed · 2 years

Note

hii! i was wondering if you could do a rhea x fem!reader smut but make rhea be the sub/bottom? if you do it, thank you!!

He’s Shit in Bed

Rhea Ripley x Reader 18+

Rhea has some bitch of a bf in this bc I feel bad using Buddy

Warnings: Cheating (not on reader) // kitchen sex // fingering // squirting // Rhea being a bottom // flustered Rhea <3

“So how is he?” You asked out of respect, though you had absolutely none for Rhea’s boyfriend. You turned your head to the side, leaning your back against the kitchen counter so you could see her face. In turn, she was leaning against the counter with her arms, scoffing a little when you made eye contact with her. “What?”

She shook her head, looking down as if she was embarrassed. The blush on her cheeks said it was good, but her expression didn’t. Your brows furrowed as she avoided the question, still looking anywhere but you.

You pushed your body up on the counter, moving a little so you were in front of her and she was standing between your legs. She seemed so much shyer than before, the way her cheeks reddened sent confusing signals through you.

“Is he like really bad at sex, or something?” You were attempting to lighten tho mood, but the ways Rhea’s head slowly looked up at you made your eye widen. “Oh my God. How long have you been together.”

“Five months.”

“So you’ve not-?”

She only shook her head and scoffed again, embarrassment flooding her body. She’s not cum in five whole months. She didn’t mean to overshare, but it was with you, the person she trusted most, so it was completely safe. Even though she was embarrassed beyond measure, she felt comfortable while you stared at her with a little smile on your lips.

“That’s embarrassing for him, not for you.” You grabbed her jaw to make her look at you, her eyes finally landing on yours as you spoke. Even though she could have, she didn’t look away once your hand was off her jaw, she kept looking at you with something in her eyes you couldn’t quite place…yet.

“I can help you.” You whispered, leaning a little towards her when she didn’t shy away. She only now realised how close you two were, lips almost touching while your breath mixed in with her overly heavy one. You lifted your hand to slowly grip her neck, gently squeezing to see her reaction.

You smirked when she closed her eyes, legs squeezing together as much as she could while she was standing up. All doubts left her mind once you pulled her head towards your own lips, the kiss staring slowly before she decided to speed it up. The agony she was feeling between her legs from not finishing in 5 months was torture, and she wanted her release as soon as she could.

“Please.” She whispered against your mouth, hips already bucking in need. Your free hand ran down her clothed chest until it was at the hem of her shorts, your eyes looking at her for any sign of disapproval. Once you saw none, your hand slipped into her underwear, immediately circling her swollen clit with your fingers. Her face twisted in pleasure, eyes still forcing to look at you while your hand was gripping her neck.

You barely touched her and you already felt she was close. You weren't surprised though, not being touched for so long left that sort of effect on your body. Plus, she looked to pretty trying to hold moans in from you. You felt her skin flush, blush burning at your fingers that held her face close to yours. Her hands held onto your thighs for stability, nails digging into your skin as the pleasure got too much.

"Wait-" She panted, feeling as you sped up your circles on her clit. "I'm gonna-"

She felt bad, and to an extent embarrassed that she would cum so quickly, but with the way you were touching her, leaving small kisses on the corner of her lips, squeezing her neck just right, it felt so fucking good. Feeling herself clench around nothing, she moaned out freely, and what made it better was that she moaned out your name.

"Cum for me, pretty girl." You brought her face closer, enough so she could place her head on your shoulder and for you to whisper in her ear. "Does that feel good, huh? Let me hear you, Rhea. Let those pretty sounds out for me so I can hear how good I make you feel."

Neither she or you knew whether it was your words or how sexually deprived she was, but without warning the coil in her stomach snapped, making her automatically close her legs as her orgasm flowed through her body. You worked her through her high, mainly hyped up by the moan she released into your ear, even though her legs were partially in the way with the way they closed.

You tried to pull her away from your body, but her arms wrapped around your waist and didn't let go. It wasn't until you felt the excessive wetness on your fingers that you realised what was stopping her from looking at you. Wetness that wasn't soaked in by her shorts covered her thighs, and that's why she ended up closing them, embarrassment for a completely different reason making her skin flush all over again.

"Look at me."

She just shook her head against your shoulder. She seemed adamant and you had an idea, so you slid off the counter while she was still holding onto you, pressing your fingers into her directly, your palm rubbing against her overly sensitive clit once again. That made her stand up straight, hands still on you for support when her knees buckled but her legs spread once again, the pleasure returning to her body.

“That’s it, baby. Look at me.”

You primarily wanted to make her feel good, and you were doing just that. But some curious part of you wanted to know whether it was your words that pushed her that extra mile, to know if you could make her squirt again. She did as you said, connecting your lips momentarily before she had to pull away for air again.

“(Y/N), please.” She whined. “Make me cum again, please, please.”

She held onto you for support as you thrusted in and out of her, nipping at her exposed skin and watching as her face contorted in pleasure.

“Good girl. Tell me exactly how you want, love, I’ll do anything you want.”

Her hips bucked with the rhythm of your fingers, the only sounds in the room being her begs and your fingers moving in and out of her. She opened her half lidded eyes to look down at you, seeing your little smirk before you squeezed her neck again. You asked what she wanted again, watching as she tried to form words in her head.

“Faster.” You barely heard it, but complied and smirked regardless. “F-fuck.”

“You like that? You gonna cum all over my fingers again?” You curled your fingers more, watching as her mouth opened up in a silent scream before her nails were clawing at your shoulders. “Taking it so well for me. You sound so pretty, baby.”

It was just like last time, no warning whatsoever. She was clenching around your fingers, her juices covering your hand and her thighs once again. You watched as she broke, tears now rolling down her cheeks as you worked her through her orgasm, breathing uneven, mind clouded, focusing on your words.

She felt embarrassed all over again but you reassured her she was okay, making sure to take care of her from then on. You pulled away enough to see her and cup her jaw with your free hand, wiping the tears off her cheeks before running your hand through her hair trying to get it out of her face.

“You okay?”

She only nodded, leaning down to peck your lips a few times before hugging your close.

“Thank you.”

THE END

#wwe x reader #liv x rhea #rhea ripley #rhea ripley imagine #rhea ripley x reader #demi bennett #demi bennett x reader #rhea ripley angst #rhea ripley fluff #rhea ripley smut #demi bennett fluff #demi bennett imagine #demi bennett angst #wwe imagine #wwe incorrect quotes #wwe wrestling #rhea

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puffpasstea · 1 year

Note

if you’re still taking requests, do you think you could do a dom/sub piece after Alice and harry become bf/gf? Maybe a punishment or something? So curious how their dynamic would be! Your writing is incredible btw

Hi babes!! Thanks so much for your kindness and for the request! I tried to do something slightly different here, to show their new dynamic, but I’m not sure if it worked or not. So would love thoughts/feedback. Hope you like it! Let me know what you think!

warnings: smut, angst, dom!harry. ——

My relationship with Harry may not have been my first ever relationship, but it certainly felt that way. It was my first adult, long-term relationship. And it was the first time I ever felt genuinely in love with the person I was with. So, everything we did together felt meaningful and special. Especially the first few months.

The first time that we had sex as a couple, I was an emotional wreck. I’d expected it to be just like all the other times that we had hooked up in the past. But Harry was gentle, sweet, and took his time. He went slow, held me close, showered me with love. Of course he was still Harry. So he made a few silly jokes, smugly reminded me that he can now finally make love to me. Breaking my old rule.

The intense emotions this induced overwhelmed me. I had no way of navigating through them, as he whispered “loved you from the moment we met. You were always more than sex to me. You’re so perfect,”so I attempted to shut them down. Urging Harry to go faster, harder, to ignore me or be mean. But he only wrapped his fingers around my neck, whispering in my ear that he loved me, wanted me to feel good, wanted me to look him in the eyes so he could see the pleasure I was feeling. Afterwards, he held me to his chest, reminding me that I don’t have to pull away anymore, that it’s his job to look after me now. The release was intense. Physically and emotionally. I sobbed into his chest, but that didn’t seem to faze him. Falling asleep in his arms, and not having to rush out in the morning, or kick him out in the middle of the night, or sneak away before he could wake up was the greatest relief I’d ever felt.

Our first date was similarly perfect. Almost disgustingly perfect. We dressed up. He brought me flowers. Held doors open for me. Blushed as he flirted, touched my hand gently over the dinner table. Even though it felt like we already knew each other, he insisted that he was doing this “the right way.” Not just for the good of our relationship, whether we break up tomorrow or get married ten years from now, he wanted me to always have this memory as a standard for how I should expect to be treated my a partner. He was unbelievably sweet. I couldn’t believe that perfect moments like this were happening to me. That I got actually experience them. I’d always assumed that love like this only existed in the fantasies of naive adults who had never struggled a day in their lives to know what the real world was like; or in escapist romcoms that were written to be detached from reality and make you forget the cruelty of your own life, if only temporarily. I was never a fan of such fantasies because I always felt like the unrealistic expectations they set only ever ended in disappointment. Not to mention the heightened pain of realizing that my life will never even come close. Suddenly, here I was, living the fantasy. It was unsettling. But you’d be surprised what humans are capable of getting used to.

Maybe it was the distance. Harry always traveling meant that we could only be together a few weeks at a time, most of the year. Especially if he was coming out with new music, touring, or promoting a film. So, whenever we got to be together, we tended to stay in our happy, little bubble. Savoring every moment, avoiding arguments, sweeping any conflicts quickly under the rug so as not to “sour” the precious time we have left together or waste it on fighting. Things seemed to be wonderful. That is until Harry’s tour ended, and he was finally home. Indefinitely…

***

I woke up in the morning, my heart skipping a beat when I remembered that Harry was home, smiling to myself, I reached over to his side of the bed with my eyes still closed, attempting to pull myself closer to him. My arm landed on empty bedsheets. I felt around for him, but his spot was cold. He’d gotten out of bed a while ago.

My eyes fluttered open, gradually adjusting to the sunlight peering through fabric of the curtains. Looking around me, the state of the bedroom reminded me of last night. The empty plate on the nightstand had contained the aftercare snacks that Harry had hand-fed me as I laid in his arms, half asleep, barely feeling my legs after the number of orgasms that he’d coaxed out of me. The bottle of lube and nipple clamps on the floor were self-explanatory. My fingers subconsciously ran over my breasts, checking to see if my nipples still hurt. Only a little bit. But the memories made me miss Harry’s body on top of mine, his warmth wrapping us both, his hands around me, whispering encouragement into my ear, “it’s okay, darlin.’ It’s okay to let go. Go on; I’ve got you…you look so pretty when you cum, you know that?” Fuck, I wanted him. Where was he, anyway, and why wasn’t he here right now, holding me the way that he did last night? He usually woke me up with a cup of coffee in bed. It was my favorite thing about waking up every morning. Hearing his voice gently drag me out of sleep, feeling his breath on my face as he’d give me a morning kiss and wait for me to sit up before handing me the mug. Waking up without him was awful in comparison.

I got out of bed, too impatient to make the bed, wash my face or get ready for the day before I ran downstairs to find Harry, my feet sliding across the stairs dangerously. An involuntary smile took over my lips as soon as I spotted the back of his head. He was sitting in the living room, with his laptop on the couch, typing away. I expected the loud noise of my footsteps to be enough to alert him to my presence, but he didn’t move.

“M- umm- good morning.” I cleared my throat, my voice still strained from sleep.

It took Harry a moment, but he eventually turned around as I approached the couch. I could see him more clearly now. His hair had been styled, he was in a hoodie and his staple ripped jeans, his glasses on his face. He looked so good and comfortable. A contrast to the way he had looked last night without his shirt on, his taught muscles flexing as he thrusted into me, his face flushed, meaning in pleasure. The memories replayed in my head again, I bit my lower lip and I swear I felt my thighs clench together. Gosh, the things this man does to me.

“Oh, hey Alice.” He mumbled, sparing me a glance before going back to his laptop.

Alice? He almost never calls me that. Had I done something wrong? Had I upset him? I squinted, watching his face for further signs. He did smile at me, briefly, but it took him a while. Like his face had needed to catch up to his brain, or something. A small hint of almost imperceptible anxiety began to creep into my body. Something doesn’t feel right. If it weren’t for the computer in his lap right now, I’d be sitting there, making him kiss me. I thought for a moment before it occurred to me that I still had access to his cheeks and lips. Hesitating slightly, I shrugged off my doubt and went in for a morning kiss.

“Hi.” He smiled as we pulled away, his dimples flashing. I felt him relax into the couch.

Okay, maybe things were fine. I perched on the couch next to him, sliding myself under his arm and snuggling into his side as he’d returned to typing. His hoodie smelled of to tobacco, ginger, and vanilla. His signature cologne, no doubt. My mind had come to associate that cologne bottle with warmth and comfort. Harry was ingrained into my subconscious. He smelled like home. We were definitely in it for the long haul. I sighed audibly, closing my eyes, and feeling his chest rise and fall steadily as he breathed.

“You sleepy?” He asked.

“No, no. Just…love you.”

“Hmm.”

What, no ‘love you too?’ I guess I was back to worrying.

“So, have you had coffee yet? I could make us some. It’ll be my turn this time.” I pulled away from him to watch his face for a reaction.

“Hmm? W-wait what did you ask?” He finally stopped typing long enough to look at me.

“I asked if you wanted some coffee.”

“Oh! Oh, no. I’m all good I’ve already had some.”

“When?” I didn’t expect that declaration to sting as much as it did. Not only had he not brought me coffee this morning, he’d had some without me.

“Before I went to the gym.”

“You went to the gym?! When did you do that?”

“What’s with the interrogation, Alice? I went while you were asleep.” He went back to typing once again.

“Not Alice!”

“Pardon? What’d you say?” He wasn’t even listening.

“N-nothing.”

I got up, looking back at him, waiting for him to ask where I was going, but I’m not even sure he noticed that I’d left. I considered going into the kitchen and getting started on breakfast, but I really just wanted to spend time with Harry. I turned around “S-so, what’re you working on anyway?”

“Hmm?”

God, he has no interest in my presence at all. Giving up, I left him to his work and went to get started with my day.

***

That evening, we had plans to have dinner with Jeff and Glenne. When we arrived at the restaurant, Jeff informed us that Glenne had been feeling under the weather and decided to skip dinner and get to bed early. It was just going to be the three of us. I didn’t mind it too much. I’d developed a certain degree of tolerance for Jeff since Harry and I had started officially dating. He was important to Harry, so it was important that I got to know him. Plus, I really liked spending time Glenne, so it worked out fine. But, the problem with tonight was in the fact that Harry was still being weird. He wasn’t returning any of my regular gestures. In spite of myself, I’d grown accustomed to his normal displays of affections. Even in public, and whenever we were around his friends, Harry always had a hand on my thigh, held my hand in his under the table, or wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me to him. Tonight, he wasn’t doing any of it. In fact, he and Jeff had fallen into talking about work, and his arms were gesticulating wildly as he explained something too technical for me to understand and asked if Jeff had gotten his email from this morning. In other words, his hands were nowhere near my body.

I felt cold and small. I wasn’t sure if it was just the air conditioning vent blasting directly onto my exposed neck, or the fact that I’ve craved Harry’s touch all day. It was certainly, at least a little bit, to do with the fact that I felt like I’d done something wrong. Ever since this morning, the guilt has been growing in the back of my mind. The worst part of it is that I felt guilty without knowing why. Perhaps he’s grown sick of me. Perhaps our honeymoon phase is over. Maybe being at home together 24/7 has finally shown him what kind of person I really am, and he’s having second thoughts about us being together. The idea of Harry no longer wanting me terrified me. I got up, and went to the bar to order a drink.

***

I was a few drinks in, my surroundings felt fuzzy, but the gentleman across the bar from me had a nice smile, I let him keep the refills coming as we made conversation. He seemed to find everything that I said completely fascinating.

“You teach college students? That’s so cool! How many students do you have in your class?”

I blushed at the thought of anyone taking an interest in what I do; let alone a complete stranger who had no obligation to listen to me ramble about my job.

“Like 20 in each. I only just started, so I have to teach three courses. Most established professors will only teach two per semester.”

“So, you’re young then.” He had a hint of something in his voice. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. It felt like that statement was saying more than referring to my relative youth in my field of work.

I leaned in closer to him, brushing a stand of hair from my face. Whatever I’d been ready to say in response went flying out of my mind as I felt a tap on my shoulder.

“What’re you doing?” Harry’s green eyes were staring down at me, a firm and withholding expression on his face. He wrapped an arm around my waist announcing that “we’re leaving.” Placing a few hundred dollar bills on the counter, he gestured for the bartender to keep the change and walked me out.

I felt suffocated by his hold. “Get off me!” I shoved him, or at least that was the intent, but it felt like he had shoved me, I could barely stand on my own two feet after pushing that much force into his chest. Harry, on the other hand, barely felt it. He grabbed ahold of me again, stopping me from tripping over my heels and crashing to the floor.

“You’re drunk.” He said through gritted teeth, guiding me to the car and helping me inside.

***

The car ride was quiet. In fact, we didn’t even speak at home. We both got ready for bed in complete silence, occasionally crossing paths at the closet or the bathroom. Harry was already in bed by the time that I was ready to crawl in next to him. Seeing me come in, he sat up in his spot and watched me slide under the duvet.

“Care to explain yourself?” He folded his arms over his chest.

“‘Bout what?”

“I thought you hated drinking. Thought it made you anxious. So, what’s up with all of this tonight?”

I shrugged, looking down at my hands as they clung to the duvet.

“What’s going on with you?” Harry wasn’t letting go.

“N-nothin,’ Harry. Just thought I’d try something new.”

“And you chose drinking and cheating?”

“Well, I’m not wasted! And what do you mean ‘cheating’ who’s cheating?”

“Honey, did you not see how that man was looking at you? And you didn’t seem too mad about it either. You were flirting with him all night! I watched you!”

“Oh, so you do care what happens to me, then? Okay, good to know. Cuz I wasn’t sure about that, to be honest.”

“Alice, what on earth are you talking about?”

“It’s not Alice! Okay? It’s not! Stop calling me that. It’s MATILDA!” Tears rolled down my cheeks, I hid my face in my hands, turning away from Harry and sobbing loudly. I felt pathetic.

“B-baby, what’s the matter? Why’re you crying?” Harry’s voice was softer now, I felt his hand squeeze my shoulder, a shudder traveling down my spine. There was the touch that I’d longed for all day. Harry noticed the goosebumps on my skin and rubbed a finger across them. “Honey, are you cold?”

I didn’t budge. Not because I was trying to be stubborn but because I knew that if I tried to look at him or talk to him, I’d just keep crying.

Harry sat closer to me and pulled me into his chest with one hand, using the other to pull the duvet up and cover me with it. “There we go. Should warm you right up.” He rubbed circles into my back. “Please talk to me, my love. What’s made you so sad?”

“You!” I blurted out before I could think about my answer or attempt to stop my crying.

“Me? What have I done?? Hardly said two words to you all day.”

“Exactly!”

“Sorry, what? I don’t follow….help me out here.”

“You’ve been pulling away. We’ve been…falling into a routine. I- I just- I think maybe you’re getting too used to me. I’m not exciting anymore. I’m not shiny and new. I- I wanted to be new again. I wanted you to remember why you’re with me.”

“And you thought the best way to do that was to go spend time with another man?”

Harry’s logic had made my feelings seem like a gross overreaction. I knew I wasn’t the healthiest partner, but this was embarrassing.

“Yes! No! That part wasn’t- I didn’t-“

“Didn’t what?”

“I didn’t mean it that way. I think maybe that part was about more than that. I- you’ve been weird all day. I hate that. I hate feeling like I’ve done something wrong.”

“No, I haven’t…, baby, you’ve done nothing wrong.”

“You didn’t wake me like you always do. You didn’t bring me coffee like you always do. It’s not that you didn’t have time or you were busy. You made the coffee. You actually made it. You just decided to have it by yourself instead. Without me. You haven’t hugged or kissed me all day. Every time that I’ve tried to kiss you, you’ve been cold. Going through the motions. Just waiting for me to get it over with. You haven’t even looked me in the eye! When we were out, you- you didn’t hold my hand under the table like you always do. Didn’t pull my chair out for me like you always do.”

Harry’s face was twisted in unease but he listened to me rant without interruption. Even when my tears fell again, he breathed and silently waited for me to carry on.

“If I’ve done something wrong then just tell me! If you’re sick of me then dump me! Please, just dump me and put me out of my misery. I hate this. I hate being treated like this. Makes me feel like I’m a teenager right back in my parents house. Like their love is conditional and I have to earn it by being interesting all the time. I don’t wanna lose you like I lost them. Just toss me aside if you’re done with me. Let me go cuz if you’re just waiting around for me to do it…I won’t.”

Harry’s lips interrupted my crying by kissing me. His kiss was demanding, intense, breathless, he wouldn’t let up, and when I tried to pull away, his hand on the back of my neck pulled me back in.

He tore himself away, hesitantly when his lungs had run out of air. Gasping for breath, he mumbled. “you’re so dumb sometimes.” He laughed.

“W-what?”

“Falling into a routine in a relationship is a good thing. It means it’s getting real. We’re past the fairytale phase. We’re getting into the real life stuff now.”

I hadn’t thought of it that way.

“And, for your information, I didn’t bring you coffee this morning because I didn’t wanna wake you. I didn’t wanna wake you because we went to bed real late last night. After the things I did to your body, I thought it deserved some rest and recovery. Woulda stayed in bed with you like I always do, but I had an early meeting this morning! With the label. About starting my next album. Was gonna surprise you with a couple of song drafts if you’d given me a chance to actually finish drafting them before you woke up. Do you hear what I’m saying? I’m saying I wasn’t intentionally withholding my affection from you as a form of punishment or warning that you were no longer interesting to me! The fact that you’d think that about me is…honestly concerning.”

“Harry-“

“But that’s not what hurts me the most.”

“It’s not?”

“What hurts the most is that, instead of talking to me about how you feel, you not only jumped to conclusions, but went ahead and found someone else to spend your time with. What- were you trying to prove that you’re still attractive? That you could replace me if need be? Or were you trying to make me jealous?”

“I’m sorry.”

“We have rules about communication for a reason. Do you know how much easier this whole thing would’ve been if you’d just talked to me instead? We’ve had this conversation before! Haven’t I always asked you to be honest with me?”

I nodded, too timid to speak. I uttered an apology too meek to be heard, but the sympathy in his eyes let me know that he knew I didn’t mean to hurt him.

“I fucked up. Like I always do. I….deserve a punishment.” I announced.

“You do. But not tonight.”

“Why not?! Please, Harry-“

“Won’t do anything with you tonight. Not after you’ve been drinking. For now, you’re gonna spend the night in the guest room. I’ll deal with you tomorrow.”

“No, please- Harry, please. Anything but the guest room. Please! Wanna be with you. Want you to hold me, please?”

“If you’d chosen to talk to me like a real human being, maybe we could’ve done that tonight. We don’t get to though. Cuz you ruined it for both of us. Now, off you go.”

***

The next morning, I woke up to Harry knocking on my door with a tray full of food and coffee, alongside it some painkillers and his weird green sludgy hangover concoctions.

I was feeling pliant and submissive after spending the night alone, thinking about his words, and wishing he were with me. I hardly slept, knowing he was a few feet away from me, knowing that I had hurt him with my actions, and mostly worried that I was too fucked up and broken for a healthy relationship. I felt terrible and wanted nothing more than to make it up to him. I wanted to sink to my knees and beg for forgiveness, to kiss him from head to toe, to tell him to be patient with me as I work this out. I was one stern look away from sub-space, so I did exactly as he told me and waited eagerly for his gentle touch.

“You feeling alright?”

“Mhm. A bit nauseous but I’m okay.”

He smiled, handing me the omelette he’s made. “This’ll help. And take those pills after.”

“Yes, sir.” Slipped out of my mouth without even thinking. I reached for the coffee instantly, welcoming the taste and comfort it gave me.

“Harry?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry. For everything. Last night. And being mad at you. I’m sorry.”

“We’ll see about that.” Harry winked at me, taking his own coffee mug and sipping on it.

***

We spent the morning together, mostly Harry making sure my hangover doesn’t take over. I let him fuss over me though, only because I wanted to be near him. I was feeling needier than I knew how to admit, and I didn’t exactly know why. But having him order me to hydrate every hour at least gave me the reassurance that he wasn’t angry with me and that he still cared about my well-being. At least I hadn’t completely ruined our relationship.

We eventually parted ways to get to our own jobs and we met back at dinner. I made all his favorite foods, still attempting to apologize and make it up to him, but we both knew that I wasn’t going to relax until he’d punished me, so, when, after dinner, he told me to go upstairs and strip naked, I almost tripped over my feet running into the bedroom.

***

“You know I love you right?” Harry’s hand ran up the sides of my body and settled around my neck. “Cuz I’m about to hurt you like I hate you.” So, tell me.

I struggled to get the words out, and not because he was lightly choking me. The words felt too presumptuous. Like I hadn’t earned the right to say them, but I didn’t want to upset him any more than I already have. “I- I know- you love me, sir.”

Harry smiled, amused. “Good. Your safe words?”

“Green for good to go, yellow for slow down, and red for stop completely.”

“Good girl.”

Harry spun me around so I was now facing the wall, my hands resting against it for stability. He kicked my legs open. And warned “stay still. Don’t you squirm.”

“Yes, sir.”

I could hear Harry make his way around the room behind me, but I couldn’t dare turn around to see what he was doing. My breath grew shallow in anticipation, my skin tingled. Finally, I heard the rustling and movement of the metal buckles on his belt and braced myself for what I knew was coming.

The leather of the belt crackled in the air and hit my skin. I swallowed a moan, squeezing my eyes shut and breathing heavily.

I heard Harry hum in satisfaction at my stillness.

“T-thank you, sir.” I croaked out, feeling grateful that he was even giving me the chance to make it up to him.

“Well, that’s polite of you.” I heard the surprise in his voice. “Won’t make me go easy on you though.”

“P-please don’t, sir. I deserve it-“

My words instantly vanished when the next slap of the belt sucked the air right out of me.

“Yes, you do.”

Harry delivered one hit after the other, I’d lost count, somewhere after 23, as my head got fuzzy and my awareness of my surroundings began to fade. It was difficult to tell if it was the pain blurring my mind, or the flood of pleasure and submission overwhelming me as I sunk deeper. It gradually became impossible to keep perfectly still, and I was now whimpering and crying, as softly as I could. I still didn’t want to make it difficult for Harry, but I could no longer contain my cries.

I have no idea how many hits his belt had delivered before I heard it fall to the ground and felt Harry’s hand between my folds.

“You’re wet.” He said, kneeling between my shaking legs and running his finger between my lips. “You seem to be enjoying this punishment a little too much.”

I didn’t know what to say. My body has spoken for me. But it felt disrespectful to acknowledge it. I wasn’t supposed to be having fun right now. This wasn’t about my pleasure. At the same time, I always liked everything that Harry did to me.

“N-no, sir. I-uh” Harry’s damp fingers had found my clit, gently rubbing it in circles and making me moan.

“Sure sounds like it, puppy.” He laughed.

“I-I would never enjoy you being angry with me, sir.”

“That so?”

My legs were shaking as Harry continued to rub between my legs, I was so close to cumming, but I didn’t think I’d be allowed to.

“F-fuck, sir-“

Just like that, Harry withdrew his hand and replaced it with a kick from his shoe-covered foot, hitting me squarely in the middle of my cunt.

With a guttural grunt, I fell to my knees.

“Pathetic.” He shook his head.

Over the next few minutes, Harry delivered a few more kicks, alternating in pattern and pace to keep me guessing. By the end of it, I was a sobbing, wet mess.

“Up on your knees, c’mon.”

I pulled my face off the floor with whatever strength I had left as Harry came closer, his crotch at eye-level with me. I knew what was expected of me in that moment; he was already unbuttoning his pants. I found it difficult to stay balanced on my mushy knees, so I leaned on his legs, nuzzling my face into his thigh and breathing.

“You alright, my love?”

I nodded.

“What’s your color, Alice? Give me a safe word, honey…”

“G-green.” I mumbled after a long pause. Harry wasn’t buying if. He placed his hand on his thigh next to my face. “Take my hand. Squeeze it if you’re good to keep going.”

“I-I’m okay, sir. Just weak.”

Harry laughed. “We’re nowhere near done. You wanna stop here? It’s okay if you want to tap out.”

“N-no, no. Please. Punish me, sir. Please. I- I wanna do this. I can take it. May I suck your cock?” My shaky fingers grabbed the waist of his pants to pull them down.

“Hey, hey, hold on a minute. Look at me.”

Harry’s eyes studied my face discerningly for a moment. “Alright, go on, then. Do it.”

I pulled Harry’s pants down, and took his hardening cock out of his boxers, wrapping my lips slowly around his tip, his moans a pleasure to my ears.

“May I touch?” I mumbled around him, my voice on his tip seemingly amplifying his pleasure.

“F-fuck- yes. Yes, you may…ahhh, that’s a good girl. Just like that.” I wrapped my hands at the base of his cock stroking him in sync with my tongue. Harry’s hips bucked involuntarily, pushing him further into my mouth, causing me to gag.

“Easy, easy, just breathe through it. Good girl. Get it nice and wet.”

The more I could hear his high pitched moans, the more eager I was to go faster, harder, make him cum. But Harry pulled himself out of my mouth, causing me to whine, and , upon losing his stabilizing presence, I almost fell flat on my face before he grabbed me.

“Sorry, sir. Uh, my knees-“

I felt harry’s arms lift me off the floor as he stood up, carrying me to the bed.

Tossing me onto the bed so I was laying on my back, Harry pushed my legs apart, lining himself up with me and thrusting in smoothly.

“Fuck, you’re wet. And tight. Feel so good, baby.”

All I could do is whine and cry.

“No cumming!” He warned as he felt me clench around him.

“N-no, sir. Won’t cum without permission, I - I- ahhhh - promise.”

“Good girl.”

Harry’s thrusts got sloppier and harder quickly, I could tell that he, too, was close.

“Can- can I come, sir? Please?”

“No.”

“Please, sir. P-please. Don’t think I can hold it much longer. Don’t wanna do it without permission, please.”

“Hold it. Hold it, or so help me god, Matilda!”

I felt my chest bubble with relief, tears rolling down my face.

“S-sir, please?”

“Shut up and take it like a good girl.”

My cunt was already sensitive and bruised from his earlier kicking, it was now unbelievable sensitive. I screamed in pain every time Harry pulled halfway out only to thrust harder again and again.

“H-hold- please, hold my hand, sir? It’s too much. I- I need…please hold my hand?”

He contemplated it for a moment before relenting and taking my hand in his.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you.”

Harry smiled at me. “You wanna come? Hmm? I’m gonna count down, okay?”

I nodded vigorously, almost crying with gratitude.

“Three”

He thrust in all the way.

“Two”

Another thrust.

“One.”

He pulled all the way out and stroked himself to his climax, finishing all over my stomach, and leaving me empty, clenching around nothing, my orgasm ruined.

“It hurts- sir. Ow, really really hurts.” I broke down sobbing.

“You’re not cumming for a week.”

#Dom!harry #Harry styles #Harry styles smut #harry styles blurb #harry styles angst #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles writing #harry styles fanfic #harry styles x oc #dom!harry styles #dom!h

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anonymityisfunwriter · 1 year

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Hi, i want to start this by saying i absolutely love your work and you are one of the few writers i would trust to write this request. Recently i experienced whats called chemical pregnancy. A chemical pregnancy is a pregnancy that usually doesnt make it past about the first 2 months of pregnancy. I miscarried at 5 weeks, the night after i found out i was pregnant. It was an unplanned and frankly unwanted pregnancy due to multiple reasons so its a conflicting situation for me. I was wondering if you could write a fic with Bf!Bucky where reader has to tell Bucky about the situation (minus the unwanted part but still unplanned) and he comforts her and her unusual and confusing (due to the circumstances) grieving process. I would really appreciate this fic as this is something that has been really hard for me but please do not feel pressured to write this if it makes you uncomfortable. <3

Hi,

First and foremost, I am so very sorry. Regardless of the situation, this must be so incredibly difficult for you.

Thank you for trusting me with something like this, I can really only hope I do it justice or offer you the smallest amount of solace or distraction. Please let me know if you need anything or if I can pray for you or simply send you some good thoughts and love. My inbox is always open.

And if you are just apart of my usual audience, this is NOT part of the Grumpy x Sunshine series or any of my usual series, please heed the content and trigger warnings, while there is nothing graphic in this fic, there are some very heavy themes.

Proceed with caution.

CW/TW: Discussing child loss/miscarriage, pregnancy, and other related content

A Different Type of Grief

Grief.

Grief was familiar.

This was an entirely different type of grief.

It settles in the depths of your bones. Wrapping around your ribcage like a python. Not necessarily suffocating you, but just constricting enough that you felt the pain with every breath.

Every single breath was a reminder.

There were moments that you weren't sure what you were actually grieving.

An idea of a future that you didn't know you wanted quite yet. Of a person that you didn't know. A person you would now never get to know.

You'd known for less than a day.

Admittedly, the little pink plus sign was a surprise.

You never would've known if it weren't for the fact that you had to take a pregnancy test before changing birth control.

You highly doubt you would've known anything was wrong otherwise. Knowing that, makes it all the more painful.

That one day was filled with the most heightened emotions you'd ever known.

First, intense surprise. Followed by intense anxiety. And then, complete, total, unbridled happiness.

You suppose that it only made sense that this suffering was also intense. Unimaginable. Unfathomable.

When you found out, Bucky's return was still 48 hours away, but you were already planning on how you could tell him the second he got back.

You'd talked about the possibility of having a family before. And while this would be deviating from the plan you talked about before, it was still something you both ardently wanted.

You had so many ideas on how to tell him the joyous news.

You had not a single one for how to tell him this.

For the 24 hours that you knew, you spent it reimagining the future you thought you wanted. You dove in head first, embracing it in spite of all the reservations and reasons that you once held.

Chemical pregnancy. Those were really the only words that you heard. Just like that, your new future was gone, ripped away like it was nothing.

The last 24 hours were something that you would not wish upon your worst enemy, a suffering too terrible to name.

Your heart clenched every time you thought about it. About taking that away from him like it'd been taken from you. The idea of being parents. The excitement that would build over those nine months. It hurt.

It hurt so much you didn't know how your bones hadn't crumbled under the pressure.

"Doll, I'm back," Bucky announces. You wince when you hear his voice echo down the hall. Normally, you'd be waiting for him or you'd bound into his arms and showering him with affection the moment he opened the door. He frowns at the peculiarity, ambling into the apartment with his duffle bag in hand. "Doll?"

He finds you in the kitchen, obsessively cleaning and rearranging one of the spice cabinets. "Doll?"

You can't bring yourself to look at him, instead, you hyper fixate on the cabinet. Barely sparing Bucky an acknowledgement, you mumble, "Hi."

"Is everything okay?"

No, you think to yourself, none of it was okay.

You fervently shake your head, "No. This is wrong, it's all wrong!"

In spite of the last 24 hours you spent obsessively cleaning your apartment from top to bottom, you sweep the first row of spices with your hand. They scatter and smash all over the pristine floor.

Bucky jolts at the shock of the abrupt action, "Can you please talk to me? You're scaring me a little bit."

You look down at your shoes, the same ones you'd worn for the last 24 hours, not having changed once since the doctor uttered those awful words, now covered in little shards of glass.

Bucky steps to the side of you, the sound of glass crunching underneath his shoes not even registering in his mind.

Your eyes remain downcast, still staring at the floor. Your eyes flicker over to his boots. "We should stop wearing shoes in the house."

"Can you please talk to me? What's going on? Did something happen?" Bucky desperately pleads, trying to catch your eye.

You side step him, walking to the front door to place your shoes on the shoe rack, quietly murmuring, "We really should stop wearing shoes in the house."

Bucky trails right behind you, slightly disturbed by the zombie like state in which you were operating.

"What's-" he trails off, his eyes flickering to a white card on the coffee table.

On it, a small cartoon stork is carrying a little bundle in its beak.

His sharp gasp stops you in your tracks.

You squeeze your eyes shut, striding over to the table as quickly as you can to get rid of the reminder.

"I'm sorry, I meant to throw this away," you blankly mutter, taking the card you made for Bucky off the table.

"Can you please just sit down and talk to me? Are you- Are we?"

You turn back to him and it doesn't take him much to deduce the answer from your glassy eyes and the pained look on your face. "No, we're not. Not anymore."

"Not anymore," Bucky quietly repeats to himself.

Hearing him repeat the words hits you like a ton of bricks. You feel yourself unravel, no longer able to push away the unimaginable.

"I'm - I'm so sorry," you apologize, your voice cracking as you feel yourself dissipate into a puddle of tears.

Unlike the last 24 hours, this time, Bucky is there to catch you. He braces his arms as you crumble into him. You feel your knees give out and suddenly, he's the only thing holding you up, only thing holding you together.

You clutch his shirt, balled up in your fist like it's your lifeline.

"It's okay," he promises, stroking the back of your head as you sob into his shoulder. Even as tears burn and well in his eyes, he focuses on the heart ache you must be feeling. "It's okay."

"I didn't do anything wrong," you brokenly whisper.

"Oh, I know, I know you didn't," Bucky consoles you, embracing you as tightly as he can. The two of you holding onto each other as you both fought the urge to swim down into the sea of despair. "It's not your fault."

"I didn't do anything wrong," you swear over and over again.

"It's okay. We're gonna be okay," Bucky promises.

AnonymityIsFun Masterlist

General Taglist: @ludicbouquetfromearth @famousbreadcherryblossomsstuff @geminigengar @@melsmelsmels @ecolle @ybflkmj @mediocre-daydreams @thegirlnextdoorssister @toomanyfanficsbruh @mirikusashes @infamouslyclumsy

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samijami · 3 months

Text

Ok so my friend is working on Sunday which means she's going to plan the double date ahead of time by a couple months to see if she can get the day off,

And I thought me and Blaze were official yesterday, and we were, he even said so, but today I think he was double checking by giving me a small note old-school saying 'be my bf? □ yes □ no' so I marked on yes and wrote on it saying 'already am <3'

He read that, got so red-faced and put it in his pocket. I literally think he's kept that in his pocket all day

Anddd...well he doesn't know much of what to do in the relationship either but he's the only one trying to progress things (just slightly cuz he's really fucking happy and giddy about this). So in choir, he whispered 'I really want to pull a Charlie' (referencing Heartstopper with Charlie holding Nick's hand very early on in the relationship as a way to come out) and soon, uh- I let him hold my hand cuz it made him happy and honestly, I kind of liked it. I've never held anyone's hand before and the fact that i can feel his very slight movements, the occasional hand squeeze..

He kept trying to make sure I wasn't uncomfortable with it, and reassured me I could decline any of his advances, but honestly..it's not been that long we've been together at all but..I'm happy with him. He said he was concerning teachers cuz he was thinking about me, smiling and giggling randomly and it was cute asf when I seen it. His face was so fucking red, and his ears were hot pink. He was like a little cute lobster lmfao

So we..ehm- we hold hands really often as a way to show we're together now. Blaze also said that it was a 'fuck you' to the principal who'd once called it PDA last year with another couple. But he's being so so fucking sweet omfg-

It's the smallest, little gestures that get me. He said he 'is in this relationship, and he's gotta do it right', so now he's just being such. a. fucking. gentleman-

Oh bejesus- he handed me my pencil when I was packing up in class, he pushed in my chair when I stood up, he carried my backpack from lunch to our next class. When I tried to take it, he was like 'whatcha tryna do? I'm taking this for ya'

He said that if I was going to naturally spoil him (which I do) then he felt the need to return the favour and ggggg

I'm already down bad, but not really like how that term's usually used-

I just really..want to spend time with him, I want to be there with him, I want to see him smile, I want to make him happy-

GAH HOWD I GET TIED INTO ROMANTIC STUFF- KHBVYLLUYV L

Imma see if I get arrange a date to the movies sometime when we both have a ride available cuz I really, really..want to

I might see when that new Willy Wonka movie he loves so much is on in our local theatre..I haven't seen it yet, and he loves the fuck out of it. I think it'd be sweet

Either the book, (which I've decided I'm gonna try to steal first instead of buy cuz with the money I have right now I could buy my mum these boots she's been obsessing over for a half a year for mothers day, and start making the money for my friend's earbuds for her birthday), would be a first date gift, or be with the Valentine's gifts. It's according to which comes first

Imma count my money now just to see exactly how much I got cuz if I have enough, I'll get buying my mum her boots out of the way tomorrow and hide them from her. Even though mothers day is many months away, I spend the money while I have it, then it's also easier to keep track of how much money I'm spending on what thing cuz I literally subtracted the money from one of the things right there- and so the money I have at that point would be the part I'm earning up for the other item (if that makes sense)

Seriously though, this guy is already so much of a keeper..he doesn't really act like a country boy, but he calls himself one and he likes country music. I like the choruses of some country music, like with Jelly Roll, but other than that? Shoot me in the head and roll me in the dirt- (/hj)

But he's a cute country boy and atleast he likes some of my music like Sueco for example-

He literally asked me if I liked roses today, and said he can borrow money from his sisters and-

I feel like either for valentines or for a date, he's gonna buy me roses. I said I liked the purple and black ones the best-

If he buys me roses idk how I'd hide it from my parents- but- I'd love them like all hell-

And probably kill them and be sad- but- yeah-

#HHHHHHHHH

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daisyful-gvf · 1 year

Text

sweet as berries (part 6)

*********************************************************

pairings: josh x reader

word count: 1k

notes: direct follow up from the last chapter! and i know this is short, but there is so much sweet holiday bf josh on the way soon 🥰

*********************************************************

“That is what I missed,” Jake beamed, helping you up the driveway.

“Yeah,” you grinned, “Me too, I missed—“

“Glad to see you’re both alive,”

You looked up to see Josh standing on the porch, arms crossed.

“Josh…” you started.

“Hm?” He answered stiffly.

“Josh,” Jake said with a sigh, “We were out for, like, an hour. Calm—,”

“I thought you were going to put the plate in the sink and then you left,” his brow was furrowed. You could tell he was trying to stay calm, but his voice cracked with frustration.

“I texted—“

“You texted me ‘headed out with Jake’ and then you didn’t answer me for an hour,” he rubbed his face, “What—I don’t want to be upset, I just…It’s a holiday. And I was worried,”

“It’s my fault,” Jake said, “I told her I missed her, and we just…we just went. But she’s her own person, Josh, don’t scold her for—”

“Don’t you tell me how to react,” Josh bit out. His lips were pressed into a line as he stood, unwavering. You felt very small. While it was clear he had far more patience with you than with his twin, it still stung.

“I’m sorry,” you started, “I didn’t mean to upset you,”

“Can we just go inside?” Josh sighed, “It’s fucking cold,”

You and Jake both nodded, exchanging a small, concerned glance.

“I’m gonna go get a drink out of the garage,” Jake said to you, “I’ll see you around, Berry,”

“God damnit, Jake!” Josh snarled before he got to the door, turning with his hands splaying out in frustration, “I have asked you to stop calling her that for like two months,”

Jake’s eyes were wide in disbelief. He took a breath before he replied, “And I have been calling her that for like three fucking years, Josh. Chill out.”

“I’ve asked you this one thing,” he held up a finger as if to prove his point.

You stood there, mouth slightly agape, as you watched them stare each other down.

“Fine,” Jake said harshly, “Fine, sure. Cause she’s all yours, isn’t she, Josh?”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Josh looked incredibly annoyed, “Yeah, I mean—“

“You know what,” Jake held up his hands, “Let’s talk about this later. This isn’t helping.”

Josh sighed and finally, taking a breath, nodded once.

“C’mon,” he held a hand out to you, “Can we go upstairs, please?”

“I…” you took a short breath and nodded as you took his hand.

In his room, you nearly collapsed into him with frustrated tears stinging your eyes.

“Berry…” he finally relaxed his tone

“I can’t do this,” you gritted, “I can’t have you both mad at me. He’s my best friend, and you’re my boyfriend.”

“Hey, I know,” he smothered you in a hug, “I know. I’m not mad at you, sweetheart. I was concerned, and a little jealous. And he’s not mad at you at all, he’s irritated with me.”

“Jealous?” You looked at him, hung up on the word.

He nodded, “I know it’s dumb, but it’s just….”

“Josh,” you sighed, unable to find the words, “You have no reason to be jealous,”

“I know,” he murmured.

You took a deep breath, “I don’t know how to do this where neither of you feel hurt,”

“We have to balance, baby, we have to balance it.”

You sniffled, “Okay.”

“Okay?” He kissed your hair, “You have to spend some time with him, and I just need to…to know about it, preferably. And to know that it’s just platonic, because even though I know you care for me, sweet girl, it still makes me a little jealous. The guy looks just like me for god’s sake, you can’t find him ugly—“

“Josh,” you laughed

“It’s true!” He softened a bit, laughing with you.

“It’s platonic, Josh,” you pulled away from his chest to look at him, “It’s only that way with him. I know you’re twins, but,” you took a deep breath, “I’ve always seen you two so differently. It’ll always be like that. I want you.”

He looked over your face in a dreadfully tender way. He spoke quietly, “Okay, Berry,”

You took a breath, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you more before we left, it was sudden but I…I’m sorry,”

He nodded, “Thank you, sweetheart.”

“You and Jake need to talk, too, you know,” you offered quietly.

“Yeah,” he sighed, “Yeah I know,”

“Maybe it isn’t my place…” you started cautiously, “But you know he’s not gonna stop calling me Berry. And…I kinda think you should just let him.”

He scanned your face, “You…you want him to?” his voice cracked.

“It’s not that, really,” you shook your head, “It’s so different, babe, from him. It’s what he’s called me for years, to him it’s just…familiar. And he never calls me his Berry, Josh. Never.”

After sitting on your words for a moment, he nodded softly, “Okay,” he murmured, “Okay, sweetheart.”

You nodded back and leaned in to kiss his cheek.

“I’m gonna be selfish with you, ya know. Just a little bit,” he nipped at your cheekbone, “You’re mine, in this way,”

His voice was low, and despite the tears that were still drying as they rolled down your cheeks, the gravely register of it enticed you.

You brushed your lips gently over his, wondering if this is where he was going with it, and he met you with a hungry kiss.

“Yours, Josh,” you breathed between kisses, “All yours,”

“That’s right,” he gasped back, hands gripping your waist like you’d disappear if he let go, “all mine,”

-🍓-

taglist <3

@starshine-wagner @dannywagners-middlefinger @writingcold @kels-gvf @aconfusedhippie @jordierama @fearless-wanderer @finelinejpm @thehourbeforesunrise @madz-0217 @gretavanbitches @doodle417 @rhythm-of-space @milkgemini @st4rdust-ch0rds @thegardensgate @myownparadise96 @gretavanfleas @josh-iamyour-mama @spark-my-nature @saltydogkiszka @caaattttsposts @jordierama @sammiejane22

#gvf fanfiction #gvf fic #greta van fleet fan fiction #josh kiszka fic #sweet as berries

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bangmechann · 2 years

Text

Kinktober Day 4

hi guys! sorry im a bit behind :(

school and work is kicking my behind

————————————————————

4. Felix (SKZ) ~ BF Rough/soft

Mentions!: Reader x Felix, touching, some cursing, a bit rough, doing the “deed”, unprotected (don’t try this at home young ones)

________________________

You and Felix have been dating for months but you rarely have time to be with each other. You guys live together yea but are so busy to actually sit down and spend time. So when he told you he had the day off and the weekend to relax you were so happy.

You decided to do some activities together such as baking together (he loves it), painting together, and hopefully watch a movie and cuddle. You had everything set up.

He came home from the store and he got some snacks. He walked into the kitchen.

“Babe I’m back- OH MY GOD ARE WE MAKING BROWNIES?!”

You giggle and nodded.

“Yessss I haven’t baked in such a long time.” He walked up to you and kissed your forehead.

“Let’s get started!”

“Okay, okay!” He laughed.

It was a bit hard making them from scratch but it was worth it. All the laughs you guys had, you were just so happy.

You just finished putting the brownies in the oven and we’re going to wash the utensils you used. Felix came to help. You picked some batter with your finger and for it on his nose. He giggled and tried to do the same. You caught his finger in your mouth before he can put it on your nose and sucked the batter off. He threw his head back and groaned.

You looked at him in confusion. What happened- oh. That.

You pulled away from his finger and looked up at him.

“That felt so good.”

He pulled you closer to him.

“I might wanna continue.”

He grabbed you and placed you on the counter, kissing you. You wrapped your legs around his waist and your hands in his hair tugging slightly. He moaned slightly into your mouth.

“Baby I don’t know when was the last time we did this but it feels so fucking good.” He started planting kisses on your neck. You pulled a bit harder.

“Baby you keep doing that, I’m gonna have to start something else.”

“And what if I want you to start?”

You looked into his eyes and just melted. His brown eyes and cute freckles. You held his face and gave him a deep kiss. His grip tightening on your hips, digging his nails.

“Ah- Felix”

“Hmm does that turn you on?”

“A lot.”

He smirked and took off your shirt. He started planting kisses all over your chest and neck. He started digging his nails into your back and you arched your back. He sucked on your neck hard, and leaving bite marks on your collarbone area.

“My baby likes getting marked?”

“Yes.”

He yanked your pants off and started leaving more marks down your legs. You could feel his teeth sinking in. It feels so good but hurts at the same time. You cried out in pain and pleasure, gabbing on to his shoulder. You looked down and see purple marks all over your thighs. It turned you on so much that he made them. Your boyfriend made these loving marks on you and you have something to remember this moment.

“Look how beautiful you are my love.” He places his fingers in you.

“You for that wet from me doing that?”

“I know it’s weird but for some reason it feels nice know you left them.”

“Aww princess.”

He got on his knees and started to place kisses near your area. Your breath hitches when he kisses your clit. He sucked on it hard and you almost fell forward. Load moans escaping your mouth, and then a loud beeping goes off.

Felix gets up quick turns the oven off and gets back to you.

“They can wait. I’m already having my dessert here.”

He grabbed you off the counter and places you on the floor. You arched your back when it hit the cold floor. He pushes you back down and you whine. He continues to eat you out while he adds his fingers in. You were going insane from the pleasure you haven’t felt in weeks. You see his one hand pleasing himself and you push him away.

He looks at you confused.

“I wanna help you.” You get on your knees.

He gets up and you started to suck him.

A loud moan comes out of him and in a couple of minutes you can tell that he’s about to finish.

“Baby no wait-”

He stops you and layes you back down, pushing himself inside you and trusting hard.

“Felix”

“Baby I’m about to-”

He thrusted hard into you letting it all into you.

You get up and lay him on his back.

“Baby- what are you- oh my goodness!”

Before he could finish his sentence you sat on him, both of you moaning out. You started bouncing on him as he digs him nails into you again.

“Faster baby”

You picked up that pace, sounds of flesh against flesh in the kitchen.

Your knees give out on you so you start to grind against him, giving you both more pleasure. You started grinding harder and faster, moaning louder and louder. He covers your mouth so the neighbors don’t hear.

He sits up against the counter and holds your hips, moving you in the same motion you were, only this time, harder.

“Cover your mouth princess.”

You covered your mouth and held on to him. They way he was treating you was like if you were a doll or something.

“Felix I can’t no more!”

“Just a little bit more baby.”

You buried your head in his neck and letting it all spill out of you.

He keeps going until everything is out of him.

When he’s done he hugs you tight, your skins sweaty and hot.

“Fuck- that felt so good.”

“When was the last time we’ve done it?”

“Good question.”

“Well we have the whole weekend princess.”

#kinktober #stray kids #stray kids smut #felix smut #lee felix

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wanderrlust0 · 8 months

Text

sorry i wont shut up about this but i feel so conflicted right now!!D; and maybe typing it all out will help???

and I highly suggest to not read this unless you want to be here for an hour reading nonsense LOL

im seeing my bestie friday so im gonna tell her everythinggg and get her opinion on all of this before i see him again in a few days.

i just started to hang out with a "new" friend but it makes my bf uncomfortable and idk what to do about it... and tbh im not going to stop being friends with them:/ ik that sounds kinda shitty on the surface but its like asking me to cut someone off right after getting to know them.

im gonna explain almost all of the context....

okay, so... 2020 was a ruff year. it was covid and quarantine. my mom was super super strict about it. once people began to hang out in small circles bc cdc said it was okay to, while still being careful, i was still not allowed to leave my house. i felt soso isolated and alone and it was def one of my lowest moments. me & my bf were basically in a long distance relationship.. or thats what it felt like. all we had was facetime. he started to hang out with his friend from school more often (i had stuff to say to him about that & its in another post). after a couple of months, my mom finally let us see each other.. but it had to be in my backyard only and we couldn't be close. it was okay at first but after a while we got bored and wanted more. he got impatient and petty about it. i understood where he was coming from but i was trying to be as optimistic as i could, even tho it was hard. its bc even for like the 1-2 hrs i got to see him, it made my day. (my friends were also starting to hangout in their backyards but i never told my mom bc i figured she wouldnt let me go.. but when i told her afterwards, she said she would have..??)

it was getting colder outside which made it harder for us to see each other. it was also just a sucky situation and it was creating some resentment. he wanted to talk with me on ft about it and i knew it would be serious. AND IT WAS. he did most of the talking and it was leading to a breakup. BUT (this is important) he couldnt for the life of him break up with me, let alone say the words.. SO.. he suggested that we do a break. neither of us have done that before but its obvious that it means its temporary and you use that time to figure things out and get some space (we DEFINITELY shouldve been clearer about it). he got emotional and i held mine in. he was saying all these good things about me and how he still wants me in his life and that we can get together again; that we would still talk everyday and be friends. at the time, weve been dating for about a year and a half. right after we hung up i bawled my eyes out and immediately facetimed my best friend in FL.

days go by and me and him are still talking everyday, only in a more friendly, platonic manner. eventually, he starts replying later and later, he turns off his location, and its like i feel forgotten about. im so used to knowing what hes doing that now it feels weird to not know and its hard to adapt to these changes.

I download tinder to find some FRIENDS to talk to (only for girls). he was barely talking to me and i was questioning our friendship relationship (situationship i guess). although i dont remember the details of my profile, i DEF made it clear that i was on there for making friends only. i had no intention of pursuing anyone for a relationship... bc i had my "bf" still. HE clearly went a diff route during our break....too much to unpack there but in the end, it just made him want to come back to me.

So.... Snow (that is their nickname ive given them for tumblr) was one of those people who i chatted with on tinder. theyre female but identify as they/them (i dont think they used those pronouns when we first started talking tho). they msgd first and our convo was actually really long-lasting so we followed each other on IG. (theyre also not the only one i've exchanged IG with so its not like i only gave it to them). Yes, I thought they were pretty when i swiped. sue me. i think many people are pretty. its just me acknowledging when someones aesthetically pleasing. eventually, we talked less and i also went on tinder less. After about a month into me and my bfs break, he begins to talk to me more like he used to. Then he asks if he can see me bc he missed me. Still cant leave my house with him but we hang out and its nice. HE ASKS ME IF I MET ANYONE NEW. i say no and hes like ...really?you sure? I ask him the same and he says no (while breaking eye contact,, literal red flag but i was blindsided). he tells me the truth over FT and that ruined me way more than i let on. (i think he's feeling a similar way now but for diff reasons)

we got back together after and the rest of the year (2021) was super fun. weve now been together for almost 4 1/2 years! since our BREAK NOT BREAKUP (not me @ ing him when he wont even see this) me and snow comment on each others IG posts now and again. for ex, ive said they looked so prettyyy & i would compliment their makeup skills. they would reply in a cute/flattery way. thats how they reply to comments. theyre also very embellished, like with emojis. theyve commented on my pics saying i look cute and hyping me up with compliments as well. it just turned into a natural, mutual thing; idk how else to describe it. its like having an online friend where you only interact thru the comments to show kindness. LOL IDK that sounds corny but yeah. girly things i guess. & then irl its so subdued.

so aside from the comments, we would react to each others stories like once in a blue moon. they posted about watching demon slayer so i said its a good anime. i posted me and my bfs halloween costumes and they said we looked so cute. fast fwd to the end of last yr... we said happy bday to each other and i brought up the idea of possibly hanging out one day if theyre down. so yes, i asked first. they said they would love to and that they were glad i asked bc they were too anxious to ask themselves (mood). im surprised at myself that i even asked but i guess i felt comfortable enough.

(i feel like im writing my own biography omg..) anyways, we get each others numbers and talk about our schedules. we were both very busy so nothing happened. we sporadically made small talk, as one does with their internet friend, over a couple of months. we talked on IG more & also thought about the plans for when we hang out. its now like almost summer and they text me asking if i was free last minute to hang out bc they were gonna be in my town but i was busy.

its now like a month later and i see them at the mall with their friend when i was with my bf. (i already spoke about this so i wont repeat it). after that day, we finally made a day to hang out. bf wasnt happy about it; i tried to reassure him; he saw and still sees them as someone to worry about; he thinks im gonna do something stupid and act out on any fantasies i may have. he knows im bi; he sees snow as someone who looks queer. he thinks that our intentions are to get closer to each other in a way that crosses a friendship.

he saw me listening to a playlist titled sapphic energy. it just consists of songs i enjoy by female artists and ive had that playlist for a long time now. i only edited the title.. but just now i switched it back to what it was before so thats ONE thing "fixed" to make him at ease.

he doesnt believe me when i tell him that my only intention and motive here is to make a good, new friendship. THATS ALL I WANT. AND THATS ALL SNOW WANTS. i can see how it can look like its more from an outside perspective bc of our IG comments but it was not like that in person at all!! it just felt like hanging out with a friend and introducing new things to each other like shows and foods. snow even made it clear that once someone is their friend, they cant see them any other way and that formed to protect their feelings. when we hung out there were literally no signs of feelings or anything that would cross boundaries. i didnt get that feeling i get when i have a crush and lose all my brain cells. by our second hang out we were past any awkwardness and it felt like a regular day out with a friend.

I did look cute that day but i always dress up!!! i dress up like every time i see my bf. i dress up for work. i dress up when im going out with friends. i enjoy fashion and makeup and looking pretty,,

last yr he was using bumble friends and he met up with a guy but they havent hung out since. ive helped him swipe on people before and i was okay with it, except when it was like an attractive girl.. would that be hypocritical of me tho?...idk. we def both get kinda jealous over these things. i can get territorial, like he is mine lol i am his. we would never be open or add a third and the thought of him befriending new females made me nervous. especially after what happened during our break. like idk, that still sticks with me and makes me think of bad feelings..and even more especially now after finding out about what he and his friend did.. but me feeling nervous about that is like what HE is feeling (T-T) I JUST DONT KNOW WHAT I CAN DO TO HELP AND IT SUCKS. i dont think i catch feelings easily. i dont get butterflies over people easily. im not an openly sexual person.

like. am i being unfair by continuing this friendship? snow doesnt know how he feels about us. idek if its worth telling but im gonna wait till more time passes and see how things go. would him hanging out with us make him feel better?? would it be too weird? he already doesnt like the idea of snow so how would he be in a room with them.

i wanna fast fwd to friday so i can tell my bestie about it and then fast fwd to sunday so i can see him. he is still not back to his usual self when we talk on snap. he tries to save serious confrontations for in person bc he sounds angry thru text so even tho itll make me nervous, i still wanna work this out so it doesnt ruin our relationship.

#mypost #journal

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