#and somehow people seem to forget everyone here is adopted and he gets forgotten by dad

[wishesunderthestars]

Eunoia // Ch. 14

eunoia (noun): beautiful thinking, the possession of a well-balanced mind, which exhibits goodwill and kindness

Pairings: Hybrid! BTS x reader

Summary: You are a world famous director and you have dedicated your life to your job.You have everything you could ever dream of; wealth, recognition, talent, your friends and family. But loneliness ins’t cured by success. So what happens when you somehow rescue seven hybrids? Can they fill the void?

Genre: Angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, eventual smut

Word Count: 15k+

Warnings: Abuse and violence, past sexual abuse, derogetory language, sexual harassment

Masterlist

Chapter 1, Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13

It has been a long time, I know. Thanks for being patient with me. This was supposed to be the last chapter of Yoongi and Hoseok’s part but I just couldn’t fit everything that needed to happen inside or it would turn into a 30k chapter and be even more late, so I divided it into two.

The taglist is now closed.

Four days felt like a much smaller amount of time than when you had first been informed of your break.  When you heard the alarm the morning you had to go back to work, you were tempted to ignore it and cover your head with the sheets. This was strange for two reasons. You always woke up before your alarm and it was impossible for you to fall asleep again after waking up, even when you were exhausted. But your eyes were heavy and sleep was clinging to your bones.

You reached for your phone and turned off the alarm. The hybrids were waiting for you in the kitchen, breakfast already served. You thanked Seokjin, who looked the most awake. Jimin and Jungkook were leaning against each other with their eyes half closed, small yawns escaping them every few minutes. It was a little earlier than the time you usually left but you had to do some work in the company building before you could go to the studios. Hoseok's injuries were much better, you didn't need to check on them twice a day anymore so you avoided going to their room and waking them up.

The fox hybrid had been opening up more and he looked more at ease with his surroundings. After eating dinner with you on the first night of your break, he had timidly asked if they could join you again. His whole face lit up when you told him they would always be welcome. Dinners had turned into lunches too, claiming that way you didn't have to carry the trays to their room every day.

You weren't surprised at how well he got along with Jimin. His heart-shaped smile had even charmed Namjoon. He was fascinated with every little thing and you made use of your break to show him around the house. It could be a little overwhelming, so you stuck to the basics at first. The kitchen, the upstairs living room, the library (where at least one of you could be found most times) and the cinema room. He looked at everything in wonder, his red tail wagging behind him. Yoongi trailed after you, the bored expression on his face slipping at how happy and excited Hoseok was.

The second day of your break Jimin announced that you would all be watching a movie. He would accept no complaints, not that there were any. You made enough popcorn for a whole movie theater while Seokjin and Jungkook made pizza. You strictly forbade them from putting on one of your movies. You were so deeply involved and connected with them you had trouble watching them without overthinking every scene, line and camera angle. Jimin pouted, joined by Jungkook and a more subtle Hoseok. But you didn’t budge. Jimin huffed and selected a comedy with an actor Seokjin liked.

It was the third day of your break and Jimin had dragged you with him to the guest suite, saying he needed his daily cuddles. You were laying together in his bed as you played with his blond strands. His hair was growing longer and he was complaining that it was falling in his eyes but you loved running your hands through it, your fingers getting lost inside. Jimin snuggled into your side, his tail wrapped around your waist.

“You are very affectionate today,” you said. Jimin let out an unsatisfied noise when you stopped massaging his scalp, so you moved your hand upwards, scratching behind his cat ears, eliciting a small moan from him.

“I am always affectionate,” he said, nuzzling against your collarbones. “You’re just not here and you’re tired when you come back.”

You placed a kiss on the crown of his head. “Sorry.” It was your job. You shouldn’t feel guilty. And yet…

Jimin raised his head, your hand falling from his hair to rest on his cheek. “Don’t be. I just wish you were here more. With us. But your job is important.”

“I guess,” you said caressing his cheek, the cat hybrid leaning into your touch. “I’ll try to get some more time off when I go back to work.” It would be difficult but not impossible. There were often breaks for a couple of days in the filming schedule but you usually spent those revising scripts or reviewing the work of the various departments or attending meetings. Many of those things weren’t actually your responsibilities, they weren’t in your contract, you did them because you wanted everything to be perfect. You could take a step back for once and make up for it later.

Jimin leaned against you, purring happily at the prospect of spending more time with you. He had been clinging to you in the past days after your week-long absence. The first night after making up with Jungkook he had slept with him in their room and you’d thought he would sleep there from now on. But the next night you had come out of the shower to find him laying in your bed.

A talk show was playing on the TV, filling the comfortable silence of the room. Jimin whispering your name had you looking away from the screen. “Hoseok is doing better, right?”

“He is. He’s recovering fast. Why are you asking?” you asked, worried that he had noticed something you hadn’t. Hybrids had much more developed senses than humans that could have detected something you had missed.

“He’s nice,” he said, playing with the fake buttons of your shirt. “He looks so happy all the time and he’s so energetic.”

“He is. See? He’s really getting better.” That didn’t seem to satisfy Jimin.

“What if they want to leave now that he’s better?”

You cooed at him, pulling him closer. “Is that what’s brought this on? If they want to leave we can’t stop them. The door is always open if they don’t want to be here anymore. They only came here because Hoseok was injured and he couldn’t go to the hospital.”

“But can they stay?” His eyes were shining as he looked up at you. “Please.”

“They can stay for as long as they want. But I can’t force them to stay.”

Jimin didn’t say anything more, hiding into your side. Last night at dinner, Jimin had been quiet and withdrawn, glancing at Yoongi every few minutes. There was history between them, one that ran deep and cut just as hard. From little clues and pieces and what Jimin himself had told you, you had pieced together an image of Jimin’s past but you had trouble finding where exactly Yoongi fit.

You hadn’t forgotten Jimin’s words in your office the day you had invited the two hybrids in your house. Yoongi once belonged to the same man Jimin did. They had done something to him and Jimin had been left to the adoption center he had escaped from. Yoongi had been left somewhere else, you guessed a less savory place. But you couldn’t figure out what they could have done to be kicked out. Something Jimin still felt guilty about. Betrayal was a strong and sticky word and it was hard to associate it with sweet Jimin, even when that man deserved that and more.

Yoongi was a mystery surrounded by several brick walls. Only a wrecking ball could break them down. You were the kind of person to knock on a wall and wait for it to crumble by itself when it came to people. At work, if the only way to get through an obstacle was a wrecking ball, you would bring a wrecking ball.

Surprises weren’t uncommon for you (see: Virginia earthquake), you had learnt to face them head on and control the consequences. But that hadn’t prepared you for the string of surprises during your break and the days after that.

The first surprise came with how well Hoseok was getting along with the other hybrids. His endearing excitement about anything and everything didn’t fail to amuse them. He would curl up on the grass, bathing in sunlight, often joined by Jimin who had developed the same habit when spring first arrived. He was curious about everything, asking question after question with his red fluffy tail wagging behind him like an overexcited puppy. All of you couldn’t help but humor him and try to answer his questions to the best of your abilities.

The second surprise shocked you more than the first. It was the third night the two hybrids were eating dinner with you in the backyard. Yoongi usually didn’t talk, opting to focus on his food while observing the progression of the meal. Thus when he spoke, everyone fell silent. He didn’t say much, it only took him a couple of seconds to compliment Jin’s cooking then become quiet again. Jin stuttered through his thanks, flustered at the unexpected compliment. The panther hybrid didn’t talk again for the rest of the meal.

The third surprise was seeing Yoongi and Jimin sitting next to each other, sometimes in silence and sometimes talking. Being pulled to each other like a moth to the flame. It made Hoseok all too happy to spend time with both of them.

The fourth surprise came in the form of a text from a contact you hadn’t interacted with since Christmas. You laid back on your bed, staring at the paragraphs-long text and forgetting about anything else. You stared and stared as if the letters would rearrange themselves, or better yet disappear if you stared long enough.

You didn’t notice how much time you had spent there unmoving until there was a knock on the door.

“Open,” you called.

The door was pushed open and Namjoon walked into the room, his gray hair falling in his face. In the mornings he looked younger. “Breakfast is ready.”

“Yeah,” you said, not moving. They never had to call you for breakfast. Your schedules had become so in sync you arrived for breakfast the moment it was ready or a few minutes early.

“What happened?” Namjoon asked. He approached, sitting down next to you on the bed.

“Nothing happened, I guess. It’s an invitation.” The text had been sent late last night but you had missed it, leaving your phone to charge upon coming back home and not looking at it again. “It’s from my parents. For a gala.”

“Your parents?” The surprise was evident in his face. You didn’t talk much about your parents, those were conversations you didn’t tend to enjoy. Your parents were a topic you weren’t well-versed in and your lack of confidence was irritating.

You looked at the text again, black letters surrounded by gray. “They invited me to a fashion gala. They would really appreciate it if I could attend.” Reading the text again, you wondered if your mother had asked someone else to write it before deeming it persuasive enough to send. “It’s held in Beverly Hills.”

“When?” Namjoon asked.

“Saturday. In less than a week.” It was Tuesday.

Namjoon glanced at your phone. “Do you want to go?”

The answer was more complicated than you would have liked. You didn’t feel like buying a new gown (god forbid if you wore a dress you had worn before at such an event), having your makeup and hair done and plastering a smile on your face while exchanging pleasantries with people you didn’t know for the whole night. But it wasn’t that easy. You hadn’t attended the Christmas event your mother had organized, using work as an excuse, not feeling like showing up at an event in the mindset you had fallen into. Although she didn’t show it, your mother had been offended.

You couldn’t skip another event.

You threw an arm over your eyes, groaning. “I can’t not go. My mother organized the gala, it will look bad if I’m not there.”

“I could come with you,” Namjoon offered.

It would be nice having someone there with you. Namjoon had a way of calming you down and settling your worries but actually remembering those galas made you change your mind. The rich and mighty loved showing off their wealth and power and hybrids were part of that allure. You wouldn’t subject Namjoon to that. You weren’t sure how he would react. You didn’t want to subject him to your parents’ scrutiny either.

“It would be better if I went alone,” you said. Namjoon threaded his fingers with yours in understanding. He pulled on your hand until you were sitting up on the bed, facing him.

“If you don’t want to go, you shouldn’t.”

Only that it wasn’t so simple. Or it was just your human nature making this overcomplicated.

“My mother will be really disappointed if I don’t go. I didn’t go to her last event, either. It will look bad if I don’t go to this one too.” Namjoon squeezed your hand, urging you to continue. “I’m just tired of them. Galas, events, they are all the same and not in a good way. Sure, there are some people worth talking too. I’ve had some great conversations there, but those are far and few in between. Most people are just trying to outshine the one next to them. And my mother only wants me there to complete the picture.”

The powerful and influential couple with their successful daughter. It was an image that haunted you. Most times you tried to ignore it because it wasn’t fair of you to judge your parents like that. They never made you attend those events, they didn’t get angry when you couldn’t make it. But it left a sour taste in your mouth when those events were the only times you saw them anymore.

“You don’t have to be alone there.” Namjoon brought your hand to his lips, placing a soft kiss in the middle of your palm. “I’m always here if you change your mind. It would feel better if you weren’t alone.”

“It isn’t that I don’t want you there. I do,” you said. “But that isn’t a world you want to be a part of, it isn’t really my world either. There, hybrids are just expensive accessories and I don’t want people to look at you like that. Like you are something to be had.”

Namjoon’s eyes were soft on you as he cupped your cheek with the hand that wasn’t holding yours. “That’s how most people look at us. It isn’t something new. You don’t have to worry about me, I’m used to it.”

“But it isn’t right.” You sounded like a five-year-old complaining that the world wasn’t fair because her parents didn’t buy her ice cream but you couldn’t help it. “And it isn’t just the other people, the guests. I’m not sure about my parents either. They don’t know I’ve adopted you. Actually, they don’t know about anything that has happened in my life this year.”

“I understand if you don’t want them to know about us.”

“It isn’t that,” you said. “Not exactly. I don’t want them involved in my business and judging my choices. They- They are my parents and I guess they care about me in their own way but I won’t be able to stay calm if they look at you like they are estimating your price tag.”

Namjoon leaned closer, bringing your foreheads together. You closed your eyes, surrounded by his warmth. “All I care about is for you to feel comfortable and if my presence there will make things worse then I won’t come with you. But if you change your mind, I’ll be right here. Whatever you want, I’m here.”

You tilted your head, waiting for his lips to touch yours. You shared a sweet kiss before there was another knock at the door.

“Namjoon! Did you wake her up?” Seokjin shouted from the other side of the door. “The breakfast is getting cold! I woke up at the crack of dawn to make it!”

You giggled as you separated.

“Let’s go before he decides we don’t deserve food,” Namjoon said.

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 You had to readjust your schedule for the gala. There were many things you had to do in the five days leading up to it. Your mother was so pleased you accepted the invitation she called you the very next day to tell you how happy she was you would be attending. She hadn’t organized a fashion gala in years and it meant a lot that you would be there to support her. The gala was all about the importance of fashion and the unique interpretations of old and new big names in the industry. It would be one of the grandest events of the year, even if your mother was as clueless about fashion as she was about your life. She enjoyed watching the glorious parts and giving compliments, but rarely got more involved than that.

She had arranged for you to meet with one of the designers featured at the event. You could choose a dress from his collection that would be showcased at the gala. Your mother reassured you that they would do everything so your dress would be fitted to your exact measurements and ready for you to wear on time. You didn’t complain. It would be otherwise impossible to find a dress of the caliber your mother expected in such a short time.

The designer came to your house himself with his assistants. He was a nice young man with a tilted accent revealing that he wasn’t originally from the United States. You made small talk about the different kinds of art characterizing your jobs. They took your measurements and presented you with a few options the designer had selected for you. Some were more eccentric than others but all of them were beautiful.

After discussing with him and listening to his opinions, you selected a piece with gold and red embroidery and a flowy skirt. He was very pleased with your choice, going on and on about how good it would look on you. You felt fluttered at how excited he was for you to wear his design.

You had to meet him again a few days later for the first fitting. He offered to come to your house again but it would be easier for the alterations to be at his studio, where all of his tools were.

Jimin had seen the opportunity to spend more time with you and put on his most convincing puppy eyes asking you to take him with you to the fashion studio. You had no reason to refuse, you wanted to spend more time with him too. Somehow Jimin roped Seokjin into coming with you as well. They waited for you outside until the alterations were done. You couldn’t resist spoiling them while you were out so you took them for waffles. From Seokjin’s stuffed face it was safe to say he enjoyed them.

You had to go back to work after the fitting but Jimin was clinging to you not letting you go, which was how you ended up with the two of them at the final table-reading for the first episode of the Raven Cycle. They both quietly watched the actors delivering their lines. Jimin leaned forward in his seat as he got more and more invested in the scenes, snapping out of it whenever one scene ended and you discussed corrections and suggestions.

The atmosphere was light and friendly. You were professionals and you believed in maintaining a healthy environment of communication and mutual respect that left space for jokes and friendships to develop. The chemistry between the actors was important and you found that when they were friends and had a bond in real life too, it showed.

“Okay, that was great. I liked Ronan’s extra lines, we should keep that in.” The writer next to you wrote it down. “It’s getting late so let’s take a small break for a few minutes and move on to scene fifteen and sixteen and we’re completely done with episode one.” Everyone agreed with you and soon chatter was filling the room. You stretched your arms behind you, your body was complaining after sitting for too many hours.

The snacks and refreshments on the table against the wall were dwindling as the table-reading went on. All the important people in the project were there; the executive producers, the writers, the heads of the various departments and of course all the main actors of the first episode. The room with the large table and the many couches and chairs was large enough for everyone.

Three more days of table reading, which was mainly for revisions, and you would be done, leaving around a week before filming was scheduled to start. Just on time. Despite unfortunate surprises and earthquakes, you were on time. Next week you would be back in the studios standing behind the cameras watching years of work and planning coming to life. The first moments of filming in every movie or TV show whispered to you in silver and gold lines that you couldn’t describe as anything else than magic.

You picked up a bottle of water and a sandwich from the snack table, getting caught up in a short conversation with one of the producers. Your scalp was beginning to hurt from the tight ponytail your hair was trapped in. With a pat on your shoulder, the producer left to find the head of the costume department.

Jimin and Jin were sitting on the smallest couch, away from the table in the middle of the room. Jimin’s ears twitched as you settled on the armrest. You handed him the sandwich.

“For me?”

“You have been looking at it as much as you have been looking at the actors.”

Jimin still didn’t take a bite. “I already ate two.”

“And now you will eat one more.” You nudged the sandwich closer to his face. “They are quite small. I think Will has eaten seven since we started.” You glanced at your assistant, he was talking with two of the actors.

Jimin smiled at you like you were sharing a secret before diving into his sandwich. You opened your water bottle and gulped down half of it in seconds.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go? It’s past eight and it will take at least one more hour to finish the last two scenes and wrap everything up.” You had asked them if they wanted to leave three times since you’d arrived and the answer had been the same each time.

“It’s eight?” Jin asked, pulling out his phone from his pocket. You leaned over Jimin to peek at the screen seeing a few texts from Namjoon and Jungkook and notifications from the various apps Jin used. You had texted Namjoon earlier so he wouldn’t worry that Jin and Jimin hadn’t returned home.

“And it will be at least nine by the time I’m done,” you said.

“We’ve been here for three hours. We can wait for you one more.” Jin opened the messages app reading the texts, a smile appearing on his face.

Jimin had eaten more than half of the sandwich, crumbs sticking at the sides of his mouth. “I want to see what happens at the end. Pretty please?”

“We will wait for you,” Jin said. “We don’t have anything better to do,” he added, to which Jimin agreed enthusiastically. You scratched the cat hybrid's ears while he devoured the rest of the sandwich.

What you hadn’t considered before taking them with you was that the table reading would give away many spoilers for the show. Spoilers were the bane of your existence. Not everyone minded them but you disliked them with passion. You had almost strangled Zayn when he had told you a spoiler he had seen on Twitter for the ending of Avengers: Infinity War,  minutes before the movie started. Zayn had been very lucky the lights hadn’t gone out yet. The suspense was one of your favorite parts and that was ruined for you when you knew what would happen.

At least it was the first episode but there was a lot of discussion on how certain parts or pieces of dialogue would connect with later episodes. The fact that it was an adaptation also changed things. You had been adamant about staying true to the original story and keeping in as many scenes from the book as you could. Your additions revolved around character development, the relationships between the characters, and some conflicts that hadn’t been in the book but you had discussed in length with Maggie. In this case, you didn’t know exactly how to define spoilers.

As expected, you finished the table reading twenty minutes past nine. Gathering all your folders from the table, the scripts, and various notes from the writers and producers, you hid them all away in your backpack. Henrietta and the magical forest were coming to life from their voices alone. You could already imagine how captivating it would be on screen.

Jimin was laying his head on Jin’s shoulder with his arm wrapped around the older’s waist. It had taken some time for them to relax in the room full of strangers, some of who hadn’t been subtle about staring. One look from you and their gazes had darted away. It still wasn’t common to have a hybrid, much less three, but you didn’t care how curious they were if they were making Jimin and Jin uncomfortable.

During the first break, early at the table reading, you had been roped into a debate about a possible change in one of the scenes. The two hybrids had kept to themselves, staying quiet and watching. The actress playing Blue had walked up to them with a wide smile and introduced herself. The remaining tension in them was released when she struck up a conversation with them.

“Time to get going,” you said. Jimin looked up at you, blinking drowsily. “Should I tell John to carry you to the car?”

“We’re leaving?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.

“Thankfully yes so you need to get up.” You had wrapped everything up, saying goodbye to everyone and you were ready to go.

Jin kissed Jimin’s blond curls. “Let’s go and get you into an actual bed.” He got up and pulled Jimin with him, the younger hybrid was clinging to his back like a koala from the hallway where you met up with John to the parking lot.

In the car, you looked at them through the rear-view mirror. Jimin’s eyes were closed, laying his head on Jin’s shoulder.

“Hard day?” John asked, moving the gear shift to the left and then up.

“I’m a little afraid that my scenario might be a little boring,” you said glancing behind you. “It’s too early for him to be falling asleep.”

The car started moving, leaving the dimly lit parking lot behind. “He’s not used to being out for that long,” Jin said smoothing down Jimin’s hair with care. Jin cared for you with everything he had, you tried to do the same but it was close to impossible with how busy you were.

“If it’s my scenario though, I need to rewrite that thing from beginning to end.”

John chuckled. “Good luck telling that to the writers and the producers. They’ll love it.”

They’d love it as much as cats loved swimming.

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 You took the day of the gala off. If you went to the gala tired after work, you wouldn’t be able to put a smile on your face and keep it there. It wasn’t so much that the galas were awful but that you felt out of place in them. Your mother had many connections and she would invite the “best” of her world. Some faces had become familiar, a steady fixture in your mother’s guest lists. Some faces you should be able to recognize but you didn’t, resulting in interactions based on pretending.

At the after-parties of award shows and premieres, you were more at ease. The designer dresses and suits were the same, worn by rich and influential people, but it was people you knew and respected. Your skin wasn’t prickling at the tension, lost somewhere between remembering a name or a company and ignoring the jabs at other guests or the rumors spreading like vines.

The last event you had attended was in New York last September, it had been the event of the year according to your mother. Jacob had accompanied you, hugging your mother and shaking hands with your father. He had stayed next to you from the moment you stepped into the place to the moment you got into the car to leave. You had to somewhat agree with your mother. A lot of interesting people were in attendance, famous writers and journalists, and you succeeded in ignoring the less favorable situations.

Your parents had changed a lot, or maybe it was just the circumstances that had changed and the different perspective you had as an adult. You used to cast them as the absentee parents, an overused trope you didn't find much merit in. It was too simple, too straightforward. They didn't disappear from one day to the next, cutting all contact with you. It was more like the times they were there grew fewer and fewer until they had moved permanently to New York by the time you were eight. Your father had been offered a position he couldn't refuse and your mother loved him too much to leave him alone there. She tried, she tried to stay for you but she had been trying to find a reason to leave your hometown since she was a teenager. The penthouses and neat offices fit her far better than the beaches and town squares ever did.

It started as a few weeks at first. Your father would be staying in the city for some meetings and your mother wanted to join him. His job involved a lot of traveling and in most of your memories, he was holding a suitcase. A few weeks turned into a month the next time, then into a few months you had to stay with your aunt and your cousins. After you turned eight, they were coming back only for a few weeks every year.

When you were ten you stopped answering their calls and refused to talk to them. Your mother still tried, even traveled back to be with you. Instead of staying at your house with her, you stayed with your aunt. Your mother left defeated. It took a year for you to speak to them again. Childish, but you couldn't blame your past self. The cracks in your relationship with your parents were still there. As an attempt to prevent them from widening and growing, you at least tried to attend the events your mother invited you to.

Another one to add to the list.

"Does the duck look ready to you?" you asked Jin. Roasted duck wasn't a dish you had experience with but that wasn't the only reason you called for Jin. Being home for the day you had offered to help Jin cook lunch. Cooking helped take your mind off, focusing on the recipe and chatting with Jin.

Jin left the lettuce he was washing in the bowl and dried his hands in a towel. His steps were careful and measured, one of his hands holding on the counter.

"It looks good," he said. "You can take it out."

You opened the oven, pulling back last minute so the heat wouldn't burn your face. "It smells incredible! I think I got ten times hungrier just smelling this."

Jin chuckled but it was strained. "I'm too good at this." He was still holding onto the counter.

"You won't catch me complaining."

He went back to the lettuce in the sink, his bangs falling into his face and covering his eyes. You wrapped the chicken breasts in foil and let them rest for a few minutes. The figs were caramelized and the potatoes fried until golden. That was about it for the main dish.

Jin was cutting the lettuce so you occupied yourself with making the salad dressing. You worked in silence. It wasn't for the lack of anything to say but a flinch from Jin earlier, while you had been talking, had you lowering your voice and then closing your mouth when you were finished with that sentence. It was only for a moment before he turned away, but it was enough for you to notice. You had asked him if he was alright twice and both times the answer had been the same. After that, it was clear he wouldn't tell you anything else regardless of how many times you asked.

A thud echoed in the room followed, not a second after, by the sound of metal clattering on wood. The spoon you used to mix the ingredients of the salad dressing stilled in your hand. Jin had fallen to his knees on the floor, holding the counted with one hand and his head with the other. The knife laid abandoned on the cutting board next to the lettuce.

For a moment your surroundings blurred from the surprise before coming into crystal clear focus. You rushed to Jin's side, who was trying to pull himself back up to his feet.

"I'm alright. I slipped," he said.

"You slipped? Seriously?" You had one arm around his waist and it stayed there as he leaned back against the counter. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just a little dizzy," Jin muttered. That close to him, only a breath away, you could see how pale he was, the dark circles under his eyes standing out against the white of his skin.

"You haven't been alright since we started cooking. You aren't just a little dizzy, that's not how someone is when they're a little dizzy."

Jin turned his head to the side, avoiding your gaze. "Let it go, please. Only the salad is left. I'll rest after we eat."

"Jin, that's not..." Clueless about how to continue, you pressed your palm to his forehead. In winter your hands were always freezing cold, it didn't matter if the temperature wasn't that low they would turn into popsicles mere seconds after going outside. Only that it wasn’t winter but spring and your hands were as warm as they could be, that’s why it was that much more concerning that his forehead was warmer than it should be under your touch. “You’re burning up. How are you still standing?”

“It isn’t that bad,” Jin said. He wasn’t looking at you.

“It isn’t that bad?” you repeated in disbelief. “Forget about the salad, I’m taking you to your room.”

You were about to turn around when Jin gripped your elbow weakly. “You don’t need to, really, I can finish up here, it isn’t the first time. I can do it.” The sweat that was gathering on his forehead and his tired eyes told a different story.

“You have been cooking while feeling sick?” you asked. Being out of the house almost all day it wouldn’t have been hard to miss and when you came back at night you weren’t that aware of your surroundings, but the other hybrids would have been able to see past Jin’s pretenses.

“Not here,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

That’s something you should have expected. You had never met his previous owners but you couldn’t stop yourself from hating them for what they had done to him. Hate was too strong of a word but you didn’t have any other name for the burning in your chest whenever you witnessed how insecure and self-conscious Jin had become of them.

You cupped his cheek in your palm turning his head to face you and you rested your forehead against his, your noses bumping. At the touch his shoulders slumped, his back muscles unraveling under your hand. Jin joked that it was weird that his scent glands weren’t in the same places as other hybrids’ but in strange places like his forehead. You couldn’t agree with him because standing there with your foreheads touching it was just as intimate.

The walk to his room was silent. You opened the door for him and watched him hide under the covers, between the countless pillows and stuffed animals. Before leaving, you placed a kiss on his forehead your lips warming up because of his fever. You wanted to stay there with him and with the way he was holding your hand he wanted the same but the lettuce was waiting for you back in the kitchen and there were five hybrids you had to feed.

Finishing up the meal was a matter of minutes. The dressing for the salad had been made and you only had to finish cutting the lettuce and a few fresh tomatoes before mixing everything in a large bowl. You unwrapped the foil from around the duck breasts and arranged them in plates, adding the figs with the pan juices and the fried potatoes. It looked like something you would order at a five-star restaurant, most of Jin’s cooking did.

The mouth-watering aroma must have drifted downstairs because as you were putting the last touches on the plates two sets of feet were running up the staircase. Jimin looked like he had been lured into the kitchen by some magical force, transfixed on the plates on the counter. He sniffed, making tiny happy noises.

“This smells so good. I’m hungry!” he whined.

Jungkook followed behind, taking a look at the plates and turning to you with pleading eyes. “When are we eating?”

You shook your head at their antics. “I just finished up, you can take them down if you want so stop looking at me like that.”

Jimin pouted, his shoulders raising. “Looking at you like what?”

“Stop that, I know what you’re doing.”

Jimin continued on, batting his eyelashes at you. “What am I doing? Am I not doing good?”

You pinched his cheek, making him giggle. “I thought you were hungry but apparently you aren’t hungry enough if you’re still here instead of taking the food down.” At that Jungkook was quick to take out the large trays and fill them with the plates and bowls.

Jimin went to help before pausing. “Where is Jinnie?”

Jin was always in the kitchen before meals, helping the two youngest carry the trays to the backyard. You didn’t want to worry Jimin, he was very sensitive to how others were feeling. His emotional walls were so thin that your blues and grays bled into his yellow. “He’s in his room resting, he’s feeling a little under the weather today.”

“But…How didn’t we notice anything?” Jimin asked.

You patted his shoulder. “I didn’t either until we were cooking lunch. He just needs to rest and he will be better in no time.” Jimin gazed at the food like it could give him the answers he was looking for, you continued. “The duck is his recipe, he only went to his room after the food was ready.” You didn’t mention how he had collapsed while cutting the lettuce, a knife in his hand and way too many grievous possibilities.

Jungkook picked up the nicest plate, you had made it last and having used the previous six ones as practice it had come out looking the best. “Can I take it to him?” It was well-known that he had a soft spot for Jin, sneaking into his room the nights he was running away chased by guilt. Jin had been the only one he had let in then. But again, they all had a soft spot for each other, it may translate differently into actions but it was the same at the core.

You pulled out a smaller bowl from the cupboard. Let me put some salad in this first.” This was one of the only salads everyone liked, even Jimin who was firmly against eating most greens (Namjoon didn’t like them much either but at least he was trying). You filled a glass with water as well and placed it on the smaller tray Jungkook had prepared. “Don’t wake him up if he’s sleeping, he looked really tired.”

“I’ll be quiet,” Jungkook promised picking up the tray and leaving for Jin’s room.

Jimin went back to arranging the plates on the trays. “He’ll be alright soon, right?”

“Of course he will,” you reassured him. “In no time he will be shouting at Jungkook for eating his ingredients and having fights with any insects that find their way to the garden. Now, let’s take these down because having the food right in front of me and not eating it is killing me.”

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

 Jin had a terrible headache, that’s where everything had started. He had woken up and instantly wanted to roll to his other side and fall asleep again covering his head with the blanket. His eyes refused to stay open and everything around him was like he was in a fog. His body wasn’t his own, it was like watching someone else execute each move he commanded, like he had lost parts of his senses. Everything was duller.

Powering through, he got up and made his bed, throwing the blankets over it with less precision than usual and arranging his stuffed animals against the pillows. It was your day off because of the gala and he had to make breakfast for you and the other hybrids.

It was enough that he got a few more hours of sleep as a result of the lack of your morning schedule. He could deal with the world being a little blurry at the edges and his body not cooperating every few minutes.

He made an easy breakfast for the day, which was a little disappointing when you were able to sit and enjoy it for once, but he was physically unable to do anything more. Sitting down would help. After breakfast, he would lay down on the couch and he would be better in no time.

Breakfast came and went and in a few hours, he had to start making lunch. Your offer to help was a godsend with his feet feeling like jelly. He thought he had it under control, that he could get through lunch then go to his room and hide under the covers where no one could see him. Until his legs gave up on him.

The knife slipped out of his hand and he watched its slow descent to the cutting board. In a blink he was on his knees, he blinked again and you were next to him helping him up. Hybrids weren’t supposed to get sick, scientists had engineered their whole being down to the color of their hair and eyes, they could strengthen their immune system as well. His past owners used to say that it was in his head because he was living with humans, that if he got sick the center must have given them a problematic hybrid and that couldn’t be true. He had paid a lot for Jin.

The door opened just enough for you to poke your head in. “Jin?” you whispered, quiet enough to not wake him up if he had been sleeping but loud enough for his hearing to pick up while awake. He lowered the blankets from his face. “Hey, did you finish with your food?”

“Yeah, it’s…” He pointed to the tray on the nightstand, he didn’t have enough strength to take it to the desk. You didn’t comment on the food that was left on the plates.

“Are you feeling any better?” you asked. His head still hurt and the heaviness of his body didn’t subside, but it was much better than when he had been standing so he nodded. “Do you need anything else? I brought some medicine if you want, I read that it’s alright for hybrids to take.” Despite the pain and the weariness of his body, he smiled at you and your research. The way you cared about them was endearing. You pulled out a packet from your back pocket.

“I think I’ll take one.” The constant drumming behind his temples and the back of his head was getting too much. It was so bad it wouldn’t let him sleep.

“I’ll go get some water for you.” You left the packet on the nightstand and picked up the tray with the leftovers.

Jin rolled to his back staring at the ceiling. He didn’t get sick often and he hated how his body was betraying him. You returned with a glass filled with water in one hand and a jug in the other.

“There you go,” you said handing him the glass. You opened the medicine packet and pressed a white tablet out. It was light in his palm, almost as if it wasn’t there. He put it in his mouth and washed it down with water. “You’ll feel better in no time.” You stroked his hair and he had to hold himself back from purring. Being sick he craved affection more than ever before.

“Don’t come too close, you’ll get sick too.”

You didn’t pull back. “Then I’ll have a reason to stay at home. It doesn’t sound so bad.” You tugged at the blanket. “Fancy some company?” Jin scooted to the side, letting you slip in next to him. Something inside him rejoiced at having you in his nest with him. It was ridiculous, having the need to nest was ridiculous, but he couldn’t suppress it. You turned around to face him, your head on a light blue pillow you had picked up from the pile. “Do you mind if I stay here for a bit?”

In the absence of words, he nodded his head. You took a deep breath and closed your eyes. You weren’t wearing makeup today in anticipation of the heavy makeup you would have to wear for the gala. The shadows under your eyes, concealed any other day, were threatening to spill over the rest of your face. The late nights had been many in the past few days, making up for the breaks you were taking. More and more he came to realize that work was your life and you were like a fish escaping water pushing it back.

You didn’t speak, basking in the silent company of each other. Jin let his worries go and, thanks to the medicine, his headache got duller until he couldn’t feel it. He didn’t notice when he fell asleep, waking up to voices.

“…feeling better, the medicine must have kicked in. His temperature has gone back to normal too,” you whispered.

“Okay, that’s good. Our Jinnie is strong,” the other voice said and heat traveled up to the top of Jin’s ears. The voice was unmistakably Namjoon’s and it was so warm Jin wanted to wrap it around himself and never let go. “I think we woke him up.”

“Oh no,” you complained, still whispering. “Jin?”

He opened his eyes, abandoning the comfort of the familiar darkness. You leaning on your forearm peering at him. His heart was beating faster.

“We woke you up, didn’t we?” you asked, looking guilty.

“It’s alright.” He could hear how rough his voice was from sleep. “What time is it?”

“Five,” you said.

He had been sleeping for more than three hours.

Namjoon took a step forward from the door. “I brought you some tea and biscuits,” he said, placing the tray on the now-empty nightstand.

Jin sat up on the bed with his back against the headboard. “Thank you. Can you…?” You picked up the steaming mug and handed it to him, holding it carefully so he wouldn’t burn himself. The plate of biscuits was placed on his lap over the blankets. It was a warm day but the air-conditioning was on in Jin’s room, the weight of the blankets over him promised safety and he didn’t want to be sweating from the heat.

“I’ll be going then,” Namjoon said with a small smile, the two of you exchanging a look.

“Wait.” Namjoon stopped in his tracks. Jin blamed his impulsiveness on the part of him that was controlled by the sugar-glider’s nature. Namjoon shouldn’t be leaving. Namjoon was pack and he should be with him when he wasn’t well, he should be taking care of Jin. One followed the other and it didn’t listen to logic. But he was tired and although the headache was gone, his head was still hazy, so he gave in. “Can you stay?”

The soft smile on Namjoon’s face was enough to wipe away any of his lingering doubts. “Of course I can.” Jin pulled up the blankets inviting him in. Namjoon pulled him closer bringing his forehead to his. The mug shook in Jin’s hold, you covered his hand with yours steading it. Jin realized it wasn’t only his hands shaking as Namjoon scented him tenderly. He felt so weak between the two of you.

 ♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

  The makeup artist asked you to close your eyes again to finish your eyeliner. Your makeup had to compliment your dress, like you were a model on the runway and your purpose was to sell the design. You had to admit that it looked beautiful so far, the gold eyeshadow and the dramatic eyeliner. She completed the look with a matte red lipstick while the hairstylist was releasing the last loose curl from the curling wand. You looked like someone out of a movie and tonight you would have to own that.

They helped you put on the dress like you were incapable of doing it on your own. In these cases, everything had to be perfect, including the most mundane of things. The jewelry was modest as not to take the attention away from the dress but enhance the look. A golden necklace with a ruby surrounded by tiny diamonds to decorate the skin the plunging neckline left bare, small diamond earrings, and golden bracelets.

Half an hour left before the gala and you were ready. The charm was arriving a little late so you had to wait before leaving. The stylists took their leave but you stayed at the fitting room/styling section of the closet, which was right under the actual master closet.

The dress fit you like a glove, bringing attention to all the right areas and burying any imperfections. It was the kind of Cinderella transformation the protagonists in older movies used to go through before getting the guy, but it happened all the time to you. A spy in an action movie, a confident heroine knowing how to use her looks, a girl going to a party to have fun and get drunk, that’s more along the lines of the characters you liked to imagine yourself as. You were far from being any of those characters but it was fun to daydream sometimes.

One last look in the mirror and you climbed up the spiral staircase to your closet, turning off the lights behind you. The designer you had met had been pleasant and your conversations hadn’t been awkward. If the rest of the guests, or at least the majority, were like him then the night could be fun.

The hybrids were all in the living room, even Hoseok and Yoongi. Yoongi wasn’t sitting far from them, in a separate sphere, but next to Jimin who was pointing at something in a book. They all looked at you when you came in, the back of the dress sweeping the floor behind you.

“How does it look?” you asked, doing a twirl. The response was delayed by a few moments.

Namjoon snapped out of it first, coming closer to you and taking your hand. “You look beautiful.” He leaned in for your neck before his face scrunched up in displeasure.

“What?” you asked.

He sniffed at the air. “You…”

“Oh, oh,” you said in realization. “It’s the perfume, it’s quite strong, isn’t it? It’s a Christmas gift from my mother, she said she really liked it so I thought I would wear it for her.”

Namjoon tamed his expression but the frown didn’t disappear. “It’s a little overwhelming. It overpowers everything else.” The perfume was too much for you too, it wasn’t surprising that it was too much for the keen noses of the hybrids. The perfume you wore day to day in spring was a lot lighter and you didn’t put on a lot. You had never stopped to think about how perfumes would affect the hybrids.

“I’ll be sure to not wear it again then,” you said, giving his hand a squeeze.

“That isn’t what I meant.” Namjoon scratched the back of his neck. “You can wear it if you like it. It’s just a little much.”

“Well,” you looked at him and the other hybrids conspiratorially, “it isn’t my favorite, either, and if it affects you like that why would I keep wearing it?” Namjoon’s face smoothed out and you noticed Hoseok looking at you with amazement.

You opened the leather clutch and put in your phone and your keys. Your lipstick and powder were already inside along with a pack of tissues. It didn’t fit any more things.

“I’ll be going now. I’m fashionably late enough.” Before going, Jungkook and Jimin kissed you on each cheek careful not to ruin your makeup. Jin had fallen asleep again and none of you were willing to wake him up.

The night could become difficult so you ignored Yoongi’s eyes on you. You didn’t need any more people judging you.

A limousine was waiting for you outside, limousines were practically part of the dress code in these events. John wasn’t with you this time, you had given him the night off. These kinds of events starred in his nightmares, standing in the corner all night not saying a word. That’s how they kept up the illusion. Regardless of how many times you told him you didn’t care about it, he would follow what was expected of him.

The bright lights blinded you when you arrived. Everyone seemed to want to take a look at you. Your heels sunk into the red carpet at the entrance hall, large paintings in golden frames hanging from the walls. You were led up a grand staircase to the hall the gala was taking place. And so the night began…

You listened through speeches about fashion and the vision of the fashion industry and each individual designer. A few parts were quite interesting, but most of them failed to do anything more than repeat the same old ideas again and again. However, the champagne did make everything a little more tolerable. Your mother had been very happy to see you there and she had told you at least three times how beautiful you were. Your father smiled at you, a smile that looked way too political to be for his daughter, the same smile he would put on when greeting the president.

After the speeches were finished, your mother linked your elbows. It was time for the introductions. You put on your camera smile and shook more hands than you ever did at work. The compliments on your work were many, which ones were genuine was a mystery. But it did feel good when the daughter of one of your father’s associates told you how much she loved the finale of season 4 of Paper Hearts and asked you about Six of Crows.

You said goodbye to an older couple and your mother led you to the buffet. A sculpture of a man pinning fabrics on a mannequin stood proudly in the middle, surrounded by plates of food so perfect that it looked more fake than the decorative food pieces you used on set.

Your mother took another flute of champagne from a waiter. “Mr. Jones will be retiring soon but his son doesn’t want to take over the company. It causes a lot of family drama. I heard they only exchange a few words when they meet but Mr. Jones isn’t backing down.” You had no idea what company they had or who their son was but you nodded. “Ah, I wanted to ask you. You didn’t say anything about adopting hybrids.”

Your hand stilled before you could taste the hors d' oeuvres that looked like a sandwich but was too fancy to call it that. “Hybrids?” you repeated.

“I didn’t know you were interested in them,” your mother continued, unaware of how tense you had become. “Certainly not interested enough to adopt four. Are you making a collection?” She laughed at her joke but you only felt ill.

“No, I wouldn’t say that.” You took a bite of the food, trying to swallow it down. You had lost your appetite.

Your mother sipped on her champagne. “That would be a unique one, it could be showcased.” The churning in your stomach got worse. You left the piece that looked like a sandwich aside.

“How did you learn of it?”

“Don’t you read any magazines? It was front-page news.” You had expected that the information would be published sooner or later, you hadn’t been exactly hiding it, but sooner or later was in the future not now. “You should have told me, I would have looked for some high-quality places to buy them from. There are some very beautiful exotic pieces I have seen. Mrs. Anderson, do you remember her? She couldn’t make it this time but she was at the charity event last September.” You didn’t remember her but you nodded again. “She has such a cute chinchilla hybrid and he’s so well-trained too. I hope yours were trained well, I heard it’s difficult to train them yourself. Where did you adopt them from?”

You swallowed down the lump in your throat. “An adoption center in Los Angeles,” you lied easily. Spending hours and hours every day with actors, instructing them about how each scene would seem more natural, you had picked up a few tricks. “I just really liked them and they were already a pack, I didn’t want to break them up.”

Your mother arched a single perfectly-drawn eyebrow, a skill you had sadly not inherited. “A pack? Does that actually exist? Dear, the center must have been trying to give you four hybrids instead of one. Pack,” she tried out the word and she didn’t particularly like the results. “That certainly sounds like some kind of con. What are they? Are all of them wolves?”

“No, they aren’t all wolves. And it was three hybrids, I adopted the other one later from Tennessee with Taylor.”

Taylor’s name brought a spark to your mother. “Oh, how is Taylor? Such a sweet girl, I should have invited her. I will next time.” Your mother had met Taylor exactly once during one of the few of your movie premieres she had actually attended. “Which one did you adopt from there?”

You gritted your teeth, debating how much information was wise to give your mother. “Jin, he’s a sugar glider hybrid.”

That seemed to please her. “Sugar glider? That sounds fancy. I would like to see him up close.” Like you would ever allow that to happen. “He must be a rare breed.”

“He is.”

“Of course, I should have expected that my daughter would decide on a rare breed,” she said as if she was congratulating herself. “I insist you bring him to the next event. I was never that interested in hybrids, too much work, but one would look good in photos.”

“Yeah, I guess he would.” You took a deep breath, it wasn’t the time to throw a tantrum like you were five years old again or puke all over your expensive dress and shoes.

The expression on your mother’s face grew somber. “But four hybrids are a lot, I don’t think I know anyone who owns that many.” She twirled the flute in her hand, waves of the golden liquor hitting the glass and bubbles rising to the surface. “After what happened with Jacob I understand you have been feeling lonely, but hybrids aren’t good substitutes for human company, dear. You can’t rely on them as you relied on him or another man.”

A waiter offered you a glass of champagne from a golden tray. You couldn’t drink too much and risk your tongue loosening but you could allow yourself one more glass to get through this. “I’m not trying to replace him. They aren’t some kind of rebound.”

By her pinched expression, she didn’t believe you. “It’s alright to look for company somewhere else when you feel lonely. I don’t want you to think I’m judging your choices, you are an adult and free to make your own decisions but I’m your mother and I’m worried. You and Jacob were together for so long, we were sure he was the one for you. He was so nice and he took care of you. Your father and I were so happy for you.”

“Not all good relationships last. People change, they grow apart.”

“That’s true. It’s difficult getting out of a relationship after being together for so many years and getting back to your feet. That’s why I understand. I understand that you don’t want to be alone right now but don’t put all of your energy into hybrids. It just isn’t the same. Whatever some people like to say, hybrids are hybrids. They are different from us, they are on a different level. You can’t have the same connection with someone you own.”

Her words continued ringing in your mind for the rest of the night. Your father soon called you to introduce you to one of his colleagues, a successful businessman and politician you had never heard of. The glass of champagne was replaced by another one. You promised yourself it was the last. The owner of a luxurious brand talked with your mother about his plan to expand to more countries and the rehearsed and repeated vision to connect the world through fashion.

You peered at the other guests, all mingling, talking, and laughing. A man only a few feet away from you slapped a girl’s ass. You couldn’t believe your eyes, stuff like that didn’t happen at an event like this. You expected a scene, shouting and screaming and everything in between. Nothing happened. The man that had his arm around her waist only laughed. That’s when you noticed the black fluffy ears on top of her head, they were the same color as her hair and easy to miss. She didn’t have a tail. A silver collar with blue stones the same shade as her dress was secured around her neck. Her shoulders were tense and her head lowered.

In any other situation, any other time, you would have done something. You would have walked up to them and said something, anything you could think of on the spot, even talked to her, made a few minutes more tolerable. You did none of those things. Your parents were there and you had avoided embarrassing them all your life.

The guilt was eating you up, wrapping around all your organs and squeezing, hissing, and calling for your attention, not letting you forget. You had done nothing. If someone had touched your hybrids like that you would have cut their hands off. But that hadn’t been your hybrid, it hadn’t been your place. It hadn’t been your place like it hadn’t been your place to adopt Jin and go against his owner, like it hadn’t been your place to get involved with Namjoon’s pack or Yoongi and Hoseok for that matter. Maybe you had been tricking yourself all along, hiding your selfishness and fear behind the pretense of “not my place”.

Your mother was wrong, you hadn’t been looking for company when you and Jacob broke up. On the contrary, you disregarded everything except work, distancing yourself from all of your friends. It was easy with how busy you were at the time. You would have continued hiding in the Castle and spent your break alone if you hadn’t asked John to stop the car that night. They were what you didn’t know you needed. You had to stop being alone first to realize how lonely you had been.

You couldn’t go back to living like that, waking up and returning to an empty house, having no warm meal and warmer hugs waiting for you. That’s what your life had been like for the longest time and you wondered how you used to live like that. The hybrids were so tangled up in your life you couldn’t find where each thread ended or started. They merged and divided, connecting you all in ways you couldn’t describe.

Taylor had asked you about any crushes when you had been in Virginia, everyone was expecting you to find a new boyfriend after six months or at least start dating but you couldn’t bring yourself to do that. No one had piqued your interest and it wasn’t for lack of meeting new people. It would feel wrong going on a date with someone when the hybrids were waiting for you back home. And that’s where the problem was; it shouldn’t feel wrong. Many people who had hybrids went on dates, couples adopted hybrids together and it should be like that for you. But it wasn’t.

Overthinking was one of your talents and you had avoided like you were being chased by wild dogs. You weren’t one to simply go with the flow but Namjoon’s lips on your own had changed your mind. You were too afraid of losing that that you hadn’t allowed yourself to analyze what you were doing, what that meant for you. Namjoon was your hybrid, you may not act like it or think of him like that but you were his owner in the papers. And it wasn’t only Namjoon, the way you cared about the hybrids was different from the way you felt about anyone else. It was all-consuming and too bright. You felt more for them than you had ever felt about Jacob and that was dangerous.

You excused yourself from the event as soon as it was proper for you to do so. Tomorrow morning you had to wake up early for work and you couldn’t stay late into the night. It was true but not the reason you left. Your mother hugged you and thanked you for coming, inviting you once again to their house in New York. She had been inviting you every time you met and you hadn’t once been to their house.

The window of the limousine was cold against your cheek, your foundation staining the glass. Maybe your mother wasn’t that wrong. You didn’t dare put a name to your feelings but you couldn’t deny that they were there. Were you really that lonely that your mind was playing tricks on you? Groaning, you knocked your head against the glass, hard enough to hear a small thud. You shouldn’t be thinking of them like that, it was wrong, so wrong.

Was it the way the world viewed hybrids messing with you, bleeding into your subconscious? They were presented as the answer to any and all desires, transformed into wet dreams. The media had the power to influence behaviors and thoughts little by little without the person noticing. You had thought you were too clever to fall victim to their molded reality. You knocked your head against the glass again, the driver must have been thinking you were crazy.

The limousine parked in front of the Castle. On other nights the lights would have been turned off by now but tonight they were all shinning, welcoming you home. You fished your keys out of your bag and unlocked the door. The lights were on in the living room in the lowest setting.

“Welcome.” You jumped, almost tumbling to the floor at being startled while taking off your heels.

“Every. Single. Time.” Namjoon laughed quietly. “How do you do this every single time?”

“I was already here, I couldn’t make any more noise.” He got up from the couch, extending a hand to you. You took it and he guided you to the couch. “Did you have a good time?”

The dress wrinkled as you pulled one foot under you but you couldn’t care less. “It was… bearable. I didn’t-” You let your head fall on the back of the couch. Seeing Namjoon up close after the night you had, looking at you with soft eyes like you held the sky in the palm of your hand, everything was coming back. What were you doing here? Your heart shouldn’t be racing like that when you were thinking about the wolf hybrid, your hands shouldn’t be itching to touch him.

“You’re here now, you can relax,” he said trailing his hand from your arm to your shoulder and up your neck. Goosebumps raised on your bare skin. “You’re home.” His breath tickled your face, his lips were so close and you wanted, you wanted… You pushed him back.

“I should go take off my makeup. I’m exhausted.”

Namjoon frowned but he didn’t question you. “Okay,” he said softly. “Your bed must be calling your name.”

“It is,” you said slipping away from him. The absence of his touch left a void inside you. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

You went to your room with a heavy heart, leaving Namjoon alone in the living room.

♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩ ♩♪♩♬♬♩♪♩

 You found the offending magazine in a store close to the studios. Copies of it filled a whole stand. The cover was a photo of you with Jin and Jimin in front of the waffle place the day you had taken them with you to the table-reading. It really was front-page news.

In A Stunning Display of Power And Wealth Y/N Y/L/N Adopts Four Hybrids

Straight to the point, every word chosen precisely to attract attention. A display of power and wealth. Of course, that’s what sold copies. That’s what people wanted to read; how one of the richest and most famous directors of your generation was showing off their wealth and power. Hybrids continued to be a sign of money. To adopt four hybrids meant you were crazy rich, but people already knew that when similar headlines had swept all tabloids just a year ago, brought on by the outrageous purchase of the Castle.

Four pages were dedicated to you and your hybrids, completed with more photos of the same day and quotes from “insider sources”. You closed the magazine and went to the counter. The cashier scanned it without glancing at your face, which saved you some trouble. You almost thought you would have to re-enact the comedic scene of the cashier looking at the magazine, then at you, then back at the magazine, then back at you like a robot that had stopped working. You shoved the magazine in your bag, self-conscious of anyone seeing it on you, and went back to the studios.

Filming would begin very soon, which meant you were swamped with work. Everything had to be perfect because that’s the kind of director you were. A perfectionist. If it also gave you an excuse not to think about the hybrids and all of the implications of the flutter of your heart when you were with them, you weren’t complaining. And if you were a little more distant, that could easily be attributed to your work too.

Sleepless nights became too common, your head was too loud and Jimin laying next to you only made it louder.

Filming started and your schedule changed. Most days you still woke up early and returned late at night, but because each scene required a specific time of the day there were nights you came back hours after midnight. You had promised the hybrids you would take them with you on set but every morning you got in the car alone.

Fourth day of filming and unexpected rain forced you to cancel the outside shooting. You only had outside filming that day. You rushed to make adjustments and switch to scenes that could be filmed inside the studios. The crew would need time to prepare everything for the filming so you had been left with the morning off.

You unlocked the door, hiding inside the house from the rain. It hadn’t rained like that in a long time. The heavens had opened up and the rain refused to stop coming down like it was determined to turn Los Angeles into a gigantic lake. Your shoes left puddles wherever you stepped, you would have to mop the floors later. You took them off and placed them by the door. They had suffered the most, the rest of yourself was relatively dry with the exception of the lower part of your pants.

No one was attacking you with hugs as you closed the umbrella someone from the staff had handed you, the hybrids mustn’t have heard you coming in. If they had heard you, you would have had an armful of Jimin and Jungkook by now.

“Oh, hey Yoongi,” you greeted the panther hybrid coming out of the kitchen. Your tactic with Yoongi was to act like you were talking to someone who didn’t strongly dislike you. The scowls and the sneers had decreased turning into a plastic sort of indifference and that’s what made you pause. His scowl could cut you like a knife. “Are you alright?”

Yoongi stalked past you. “What are doing back?” he asked harshly.

You were taken aback for a moment. He hadn’t spoken like that to you since before you had left for Virginia. “I have the morning off because of the rain. Did something happen here?”

“Why do you care?” Yoongi stood by the staircase, his black tail unmoving behind him.

“Why would I not care?” you shot back. The rain had already ruined your plans for the day and caused you enough stress to last you for a few more, you didn’t have enough energy to deal with Yoongi. “Seriously, what happened? Is Hoseok alright?”

A low growl vibrated through the room, you almost took a step back at the threatening sound. “Don’t you speak his name. Was caring for him another way to make you feel powerful? Is this some kind of sick way for you to gain power over someone?”

You were too tired to handle this delicately as you should, you recognized that and proceeded to ignore it. “What the hell is this about? I just came back from work.”

Yoongi scoffed, it was an ugly sound. “Because you have brainwashed everyone else, don’t think I don’t see you for who you are. Have you sold our story yet? About how you saved Hoseok and nursed him back to health? I am sure that will sell many magazines. Show them all how all-powerful you are.”

Through the haze of the day, the words started to click. “You found the magazine.”

“You didn’t try to hide it.” You couldn’t remember where you had left it, it had probably ended up in the stack of magazines under the living room table. “I knew no one would take four hybrids in out of the goodness of their hearts. Did it work? Was it worth it or are you already getting bored? Maybe you should adopt a couple more. Make more headlines.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about,” you gritted out.

“That’s what you’d like to think,” Yoongi sneered. “All of you are the same. Hiding in your mansions and looking for the next chance to brandish your name. It’s a constant chase of power and standing, isn’t it? And you’ll use anyone you’ll find in your way to climb higher. I know how it is. You can’t fool me. I’ve been dealing with people like you for years!”

Your pants and your wet socks were sticking uncomfortably to your skin. Your head was buzzing. It hurt because that’s everything you had been trying to avoid. Everything you had promised yourself not to become. Everything you had criticized your parents and their circle for. You weren’t like them. You had never been like them.

“You don’t know me, don’t pretend you do,” you said forcefully. “Do you really think that’s how magazines work? I just call them and tell them I want them to write about me? Put me on the front cover? That’s not it. Even if it was, why would I do that? I couldn’t care less about the power-plays you’re talking about. I’m a director and my work speaks for itself. I don’t need magazines to brandish my name because my movies and my shows are more than enough. The paparazzi saw the chance and they took it. Their goal is to sell and their headlines showcase exactly that; what people would buy. I never hid the fact that I adopted hybrids but I wasn’t flaunting it to the media either.”

“Why should I believe you?” Yoongi growled.

You sighed, a sound full of frustration. “Frankly, I don’t see what else I could do to make you believe me! I tended to Hoseok. I didn’t ask any questions. I tried hard not to cross any boundaries and to make you feel welcome. What more do you want me to do?”

“Nothing,” Yoongi said simply. “Nothing you do can change my mind.”

It was like a stone dropped in the pit of your stomach. You shouldn’t have expected anything else. Yoongi had been through a lot, that much was clear, but it was unfair that he was taking out everything on you. You were paying for the scars other humans had inflicted on him.

“I’m not who you think I am.”

“You don’t know what I think.”

“It’s pretty clear,” you muttered. “Alright, I can’t change your mind, I won’t even try. I know how to pick my battles. But if you really despise me so much then why bother? Nothing you say will change anything. Are you trying to uncover some hidden truth about me and how evil I am? Then what?”

The fur on Yoongi’s tail and ears stood on end. “I don’t care. I don’t care about you, about what you have done and what you will do as long as we’re gone from here. I don’t care for your charity or your pity. Did it ever occur to you that I never wanted to be here in the first place?”

You swallowed, willing your heart rate to calm down. “Then tell Hoseok and Jimin yourself. The keys are by the door.”

You didn’t wait for Yoongi to say anything else, turning around and locking yourself in your room. You laid down on your bed, your hands gripping your hair. The exhaustion this time was beyond physical, beyond mental. Your hands retreated from your hair, sliding down your cheeks. Your fingers were wet.

Later when Jimin and Jungkook knocked on the door, you had to open the door or risk worrying them. They jumped on the bed and snuggled close to you. You held your phone waiting for the call to go to the studios.

You didn’t face any new problems with filming. The actors were all incredible, seemingly one with their characters. You did a lot of filming at 300 Fox Way, the psychic’s house with its mystic aura and weirdly compelling assortment of objects. You instructed the actors, talked with the crew, and analyzed the script down to each comma. Focusing on anything other than Yoongi’s words and your hybrids had turned into an art form.

The sleepless nights didn’t cease, you and the moonlight had become good friends. Jimin’s visits to your room thinned out. He had noticed you pulling away. You didn’t hug him anymore or kissed his forehead before falling asleep, you couldn’t come to terms with doing that after everything that had happened. You had thought that maybe you would sleep better alone but that had been proved false soon after.

You got out of bed for the fourth night in a row. Every position was uncomfortable. Keeping your steps light you left the room. The large house was eerie at night, the living room area with its glass walls looked endless, combining the actual living room, the dining room, and what the real estate agents had called the family room that was really just another living room.

You couldn’t stay in your room on nights like these, it was too contained. The night air on your skin sent shivers down your frame as you walked out on the balcony. It was two days before the full moon and its glow illuminated the world.

What had you gotten yourself into? You wished you could go back to that morning and decline your mother’s invitation to the gala. Maybe, just maybe, then you would be able to sleep, your head wouldn’t be fighting you at every turn, at every chance.

Little pieces of moonlight shimmered and danced on the lake. The calmness of the world was a stark contrast to the mess in your head. You remembered how Jungkook had looked at the lake in awe that very first night, you had noticed then that he looked at Jimin the same way. You wondered how you looked at them and if anyone had noticed.

The moon had no answers for you.

Two golden eyes were looking up at you from the garden, they shone like the fires that had been extinguished earlier. Namjoon tilted his head, inviting you down. A weird sense of deja vu took over. You had lived something very similar before, a night that had changed so much.

You shouldn’t go. You should stay where you were, alone and safe, away from fluttering heartbeats and dangerous warmth. But the night had its way of calling out the risky nature of people. The thrill was so much more enticing when darkness ruled.

Climbing down the stairs, you kept your steps quiet. You never knew which sound would wake up the hybrids. Namjoon was standing by the flower bushes close to the curtain of vines that lead into the forest. He was wearing a dark blue pair of pajama pants and a simple black T-shirt.

“What are you doing awake so late?” you whispered, like everything around you had ears.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

You shook your head. “I have trouble sleeping, remember?”

Namjoon had caught you a few times wandering the house at night, he was the only one who knew that a lot of nights sleep didn’t come to you willingly. His own nightly adventures were more complicated.

“Why are you awake?” you asked him again. “Please don’t tell me you smelled distress or something again or I’ll freak.”

Namjoon chuckled, you had missed it. Keeping your distance meant you only saw them for barely two hours every day. They all tried to not make too much noise with you in the constant mood of ‘tired and gloomy’.

“No, that’s not it.” He looked up, over the trees. “It’s the full moon.”

“You have to be kidding me. Do you turn into a wolf too?”

Namjoon raised his hands in surrender, his dimples on full display. “I’m joking, I’m joking. I couldn’t sleep either and I like being outside at night like this. It’s peaceful.”

You couldn’t disagree with that. There was something alluring about the quiet of the night. You would describe yourself more as a morning person than a night owl but both of them were true, waking up early for work then staying up late for it too.

“Are you alright?” The smile had fallen from his lips.

You squirmed under the intensity of his gaze. “I’m just tired, that’s all. Filming takes a lot out of me.”

Namjoon sighed. “Are you sure that’s all there is? You have been acting differently, did you think we wouldn’t notice?”

You knew they would notice but you had hoped they would think it was because of your work. Work did take a lot out of you but it also used to be the reason you were so much happier returning home.

“It has been going on for too long. You don’t spend any time outside your room or your office if it isn’t to eat. You are avoiding us. Jimin and Jungkook stopped scenting you because they think they’re making you uncomfortable.”

“It isn’t- They aren’t making me uncomfortable. I’m just tired from work and I don’t-” you tried to deny it but you fell short of excuses.

“You were working before too, but it wasn’t like this,” he pointed out. “You were tired then too. Some nights you came back and I could smell the exhaustion around you like a disease. But you smiled when Jimin and Jungkook ran up to you and didn’t let you go, you laughed at Jin laughing at his own jokes. You came to me when it got too loud here.” He pointed to your head.

“We weren’t filming then.” It was a weak attempt but you had to make it.

Namjoon regarded you carefully. Beams of moonlight got tangled in his gray hair turning it silver. He looked at home right there at that moment, close to the trees with the moon shining on him. He was every bit of magic you had ever witnessed.

“This started before filming did. I knew there was something wrong when you came back from the gala. Something happened there,” Namjoon concluded. “I should have come with you.”

You shook your head vigorously. Imagining him next to you while your mother spoke about hybrids like that was torture. “No, you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t have been with me.” You paused to compose yourself. “It wasn’t good, it was really bad actually. It wasn’t the gala itself, there some interesting people and… My mother…” You took a deep breath. “I don’t think I like my parents very much,” you admitted.

It was hard to say after years of half-hearted attempts at mending your relationship with them. All those years apart you had become very different people. You had trouble remembering what they were like before they left you in your aunt’s care. You couldn’t see any traces of them in yourself, you didn’t enjoy what they enjoyed, your interests and priorities, the way you viewed the world were very different.

In the past few days, you had grown to hate your mother’s voice in your head but you had a feeling that it had been much longer than that. The only difference was that before, you had been able to ignore it.

Namjoon came closer, his hand touching your palm waiting for you to make the first move. You took his hand in yours, laying your head on his chest. “That’s alright. You don’t have to like them, no one is forcing you to.”

“But they are my parents.”

He stroked your back gently. “It doesn’t matter, that isn’t enough of a reason.”

“They aren’t bad people.”

“They don’t need to be bad people for you to dislike them.”

You stayed like that for a few moments, taking in his presence. You had missed being in his arms so much, like an ache that couldn’t go away.

He stopped stroking your back, cupping your cheek and pulling back so you were facing each other. “I’m always here for you. I don’t care about anything else but seeing you happy. I’m here.”

“I missed you,” you admitted like it was a secret.

Namjoon smiled softly. “I missed you too.” His thumb caressed your lower lip. There was a tingling sensation all over your skin. “Can I?” he asked just like the very first time.

You let out a shuddering breath. “Should we be doing this?”

“Do you want to?” he asked carefully.

You bit your lip before nodding. He leaned down connecting your lips. It was soft and careful, all the longing and hurt of the past days poured into the kiss. You pulled him closer and he came willingly. You could hear your heartbeat in your ears.

An awful laugh cut through the night. You pulled away from Namjoon like you had been burnt. Yoongi was one with the night, dark like a shadow.

“So this is it? Is this why you adopted them all? So you can have your pick when you’re in the mood?” The expression on his face was cruel, twisted up in disgust.

Namjoon growled, his sharp canines shinning in the moonlight. In that moment, Namjoon looked more dangerous than ever before. “Shut your mouth.”

“I see she has turned you into her dog. How long did it take to tame you?”

You held Namjoon back before he could lunge at the panther. You were afraid that if you let him go, there would blood on their clothes. “Don’t.”

Yoongi took a tense step forward. “That’s right, listen to your owner. Is that what she has turned all of you into? Her toys? Just for a roof over your head and food?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Namjoon growled. “Don’t you dare talk about her like that. You have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”

Yoongi clenched his fists. There was anger and something else you couldn’t see in the night amidst your panic. “I knew it. I knew no one did what you did without any kind of agenda. Seems like the magazine was right, at least in part. You can’t fool me, even if you managed to fool everyone else.”

With that he was gone, like he was never there.

You couldn’t breathe. Your hand was still wrapped around Namjoon’s wrist and you couldn’t breathe. You counted in your head. One, two, three…

When Namjoon tried to touch your shoulder, you pulled away. “I’m going back to my room,” you said. Your voice sounded shaky to your own ears. Namjoon called out to you but you didn’t stop. He didn’t try to touch you again.

Please comment and reblog it motivates me to keep writing

#btscreatorscorner #castlebangtan #bts #bts hybrid au #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #jimin x reader #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #taehyung x reader #poly!bts #poly!bts x reader #bts poly au #bts fanfic #bts scenarios #bts angst #bts hurt/comfort

[tokoyamisstuff]

Meant To Be - Loki x Fem! Reader

Summary: Much to your displeasure, your parents have promised you away to the God of Mischief of all people.

Tags: Arranged Marriage AU, Light Elf! Reader

Warnings: Aside from Loki hating himself, nothing.

Words: 2878

I Masterlist I

A/N: Some good old-fashioned, ‘redeemed after The Avengers and the other movies didn’t happen’ Loki. Like, really cheesy, self-indulgent 2012 stuff. I just want to ignore all misery that happens in the series okay?

“Ew! Stop it!”

You were eight at the time when you and Loki first met, by means of negotiation between both your parents.

If only you knew that this encounter should be the first impression of what should be your husband in the near future...

Frigga and Odin could only plead for their son to be on his best behavior - but well, it’s the God of Mischief we’re talking about. Must be hard to inherit such a title from your very birth.

Just when you put the little bonquet of flowers he had picked up for you towards your face to admire it, several little spiders emerged from the blossoms.

“You’re no fun.” The raven-haired boy stood a safe distance away from you, arms crossed as his gleeful laughter turned into a broad sulk. "And your ears are weird.”

“I hate you!” you screeched in your childish rage, throwing the flowers to the ground and trampling onto them. “Where’s your brother? Thor is way nicer than you!”

“Well, why don’t you marry him then?!” he mocked to cover up his hurt pride, picking up a handful of dirt and throwing it in your direction. 

“I don’t need any friends anyway...” the little boy whispered to himself, running away from the scene with tears filling the corner of his eyes. 

“I don’t need anyone. I’m way better than all of them!”

Not even Frigga was fast enough to catch up with him, while Odin uttered some fake apologies to your parents, promising them that everything will go as planned.

You on the other hand were running towards your mother, tightly grabbing onto her dress. “He’s mean! I wanna go home!”

As Queen of the Light Elves, your mother was a being full of grace and composure - and you were hoping to one day become such a formidable person as well.

She bowed down to your height, petting your hair as you rubbed the mixture of tears and dirt from your cheeks. Just her bright smile alone would sometimes be enough to make you forget about your worries - but not today.

“My sweet child” she cooed, cradling you in her arms. “One day you’ll understand.”

However, this would be the last time you paid Asgard a visit - at least until now. Because no matter how deeply you wished to never meet him again, the words your mother spoke on that day haunted you all those years:

“For this is your duty as a princess.”

[Present Day - Asgard]

It felt so unreal when you stuck your head outside of the wooden carriage, the wind playing with your hair as your glare wandered over the rainbow bridge you were crossing.

Silence strained the air, your parents unable to do even so much as look into your eyes. Hel, how you wished this was only a dream.

Behind you was a whole company of Light Elves, transporting all of your belongings to what should be your homecountry from now on.

Now there was no way back, that much was sure.

You were supposed to meet your soon-to-be husband on that very same day, one day before your wedding to be precize.

One could only guess why you weren’t allowed to visit Asgard again for all those years, even though you were practically born just for this reason - for this person.

To become Loki’s bride was your involuntary purpose, and you couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like to be truly free.

Maybe your parents thought the God of Mischief to have a bad influence on their growing daughter, pulling you into his harmless yet dishonorable schemes. Or they simply feared you to refuse marrying said man if you got to know him better, finding out just what kind of person you were promised to.

Not that your parents were pleased either...everyone in the Nine Realms knew the stories.

To Odin, there was no point in hiding the disgrace his adoptive son had brought over Asgard. Not only was he responsible for an attack on Midgard, sacrificing thousands of lives for his own sake, drunken by greed for power.

But all of you were shocked to hear that Loki Odinson - or rather Laufeyson - was never Asgardian to begin with.

A Frost Giant.

Among your kind, they were known to be one of the most terrible abominations in the nine realms, and murderer of countless of your kind - and this should be the father to your future children?

Only thinking about this cruel twist of fate made you want to vomit...

So why did you agree to proceed with the preparations as if nothing had happened? How in Alfheim’s name could you reject their offer to wed you to Thor instead of that lunatic?

Was it that through your upbringing and royal duties, you had lost your own free will? Or simply fear of stepping aside the path that everyone had prepared for you?

It was probably the fact that you didn’t want to get into true love’s way...you and Thor stayed in brief contact through Heimdall, and you just knew how much that human girl meant to him.

You were kinda jealous, though...the concept of being in love was foreign to you, having a vague idea of it from novels only. But real life just wasn’t meant to be that was, was it?

You couldn’t escape your fate, that was what it was - for this treaty would unite both kingdoms, bringing peace and wealth for all of their inhabitants.

No way you could be so selfish as to decline...even if it meant you had to suffer for the rest of your life.

“My Ladyship, we have arrived!” a guard spoke as he knocked on the carriage door, with your parents hinting that you needed to step out first.

The very same guard now yelled from the pit of his lungs, making you feel the whole Kingdom of Asgard could hear. “Now arriving: Lady Y/N Y/L/N, eldest Princess of Alfheim and heir to the throne.”

You heared the people whispering as you took your first, insecure steps, blinded by the bright daylight.

“She’s so pale, like ice” or “Why are her ears like that?” were rather nice comments compared to others plainly calling you ugly, scary or a ‘disgrace’.

Of course your Kingdoms had been in a war for several decades, but this was long in the past - before your very birth, even. So what’s the reason you should bear with such hostility in the place everyone expected you to call ‘home’ from now on?

One thing was clear from the very beginning: You would never belong here.

“May I?” a dark, husky voice interrupted your self-pitying. You blinked heavily, still trying to adjust to all those golden surroundings, until your blurry vision finally cleared up.

“C’mon.” The voice belonged to the man in front of you, looking gravely nervous with sweat dripping from his forehead. He was reaching out a hand for you to take, and you gladly accepted since you didn’t want to embarass yourself further by falling out of the carriage.

And still, you managed to somehow miss a step and fall right into his arms. “Oh my, so clumsy” the man snickered as he catched you, clearing his throat as you grabbed onto his chest to regain balance. "Not very graceful for someone of your status.”

“And you are-” The words got stuck in your throat when you stared back into those eyes, their emerald green awaking memories you’d rather forgotten entirely. “L-Loki!”

“Exactly, my dear. The one and only.” Smooth and calm, he  pecked a kiss on the back of your hand, andyou couldn’t help but admire just how well he had aged: His wild locks were combed back, sharp features complimenting his face as he tried his best to give you his most innocent smile.

Yet you kept your guard up, always expecting him to somehow embarass you just for the fun of it. “When it comes to him, always expect the unexpected” Thor once warned you, and you won’t forget about it that easily.

“It’s a pleasure finally meeting you” was your firm declaration, only to be rewarded with a scoff. “You are speaking to the God of Lies, Lady Y/N - there is no use in trying to deceive me” he whispered into your ear, making you shiver in unpleasant anticipation.

“Carry her belongings to my rooms” he dismissed the servants with a simple gesture of his hand, offering his other arm for you to cling on as he escorted you through the palace.

The giant halls were almost empty, nothing like back on Alfheim where you and your brethren would enjoy each other’s company in midst of nature. A sole tear escaped your eye when you thought back to those carefree days, which are now over.

“Are you alright, m’lady?” Much to your surprise, your fiancé sounded honestly concerned about your well-being. “If you are tired, we can postpone our tour of the palace until you’ve rested.”

 “May I speak from the heart?” You gulped after finishing that sentence, scaring yourself with all the stories you’ve heared about this mad troublemaker.

Somehow you had the feeling that if you were to overstep your boundaries with that brute, it would have consequences beyond your imagination. He might seem generous and polite right this moment, but what would someone like him do if you enrage him? Countless images were circling in your head, one worse than the other.

Loki furrowed his brows, exhalinge deeply. For him, your expression was an open book to what you were thinking right now.

“Y/N, my dear Lady, if you want it or not: Starting tomorrow, we share a bond. I am deeply sorry that a veritable flower as you are had to end up with someone like me, but I promise to treat you as well as possible.”

Turning around so you’d not detect how it hurt him to speak from the heart, he added with a shaky voice “Yet there is no reason for you to hold back your hatred for me. No harm will come your way, I swear upon the little honor I have left.”

Even though his words made you feel a deep sympathy with the god, you weren’t quite sure if you could decipher truth or deceit in them. Maybe he just wanted to lure you into saying what you truly thought of him?

He’s right - you will have to spend the rest of your life with him, so don’t mess this up from the very start!

“I-I don’t hate you!” was the first thing you blurted out, grabbing onto his cloak. Loki turned around, rising his eyebrow as he scanned your face for any hint of a lie.

Althrough it was the truth, at least to a certain extend. You’ve seen each other only once, when you were still little. The rest is all tales and rumours, but you personally don’t have a reason to despise him.

There was no way you could promise to accept his past or heritage, let alone forgive him - yet as long as he’d treat you with respect, you’d return the favour.

“T-There’s just a question on my mind this whole time...aren’t you mad? I-I mean someone like- well...like you...” you gestured around awkardly, almost making him crack a smile. “I mean...I thought you wouldn’t let your parents dictate your life.”

Another deep sigh escaping his mouth, this times with his eyes closed. “This isn’t about Asgard or my adoptive parents. I choose my own path.”

Suddenly, Loki wrapped one arm around you, flicking his fingers with the free one.

“Hold onto me” he ordered indifferent as he casted his spell, teleporting both of you away before you could even comprehend, let alone ask him what he was doing.

It happened in the fraction of a second, yet felt like hovering through an empty space for an eternity.

“Now open your eyes.” You hadn’t even realized that you squeezed them shut during the shift, slowly opening them while Loki lifted your chin with his index finger.

The environment was magnificent. Had you ever seen something this beautiful in your whole life?

Obviously you had no clue where you were, but this was the first time seeing so much untouched nature on Asgard. There were flowers blooming in all colours imagineable, clear rivers crossing the lands in between grassy hills, and animals nearby a small forrest.

“It’s not like I didn’t educate myself about the Light Elves and their way of living” Loki stammered, unconsciously intertwining your fingers with yours as he watched you admiring the view. “So I could make you comfortable here, I mean.”

He plummeted down on the grass, still a little wet from the morning dew, and gestured for you to do the same. It was weird, actually, but also somehow adorable - how the infamous ‘Silver Tongue’ had lost his ability with words. “I’ve done very little right in my life full of wrongs. Hurt a lot of people.”

“Mmmhh” you hummed approvingly, not knowing what else to say - yet for some reason, you didn’t let go off of his hand, squeezing it ever so slightly.

“And even though I can’t possibly redeem myself, I wish to change for the better.” he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. “I just never knew how to start.”

Loki Odinson really was full of surprises. He was nothing like the child you’ve met long ago, and the complete opposite of what you imagined the ‘God of Mischief’ to be.

You had expected a power-hungry, selfish and cruel man to wed you - and yet there he was: Insecure and broken, only a shell of the person he once was.

Just what had you missed all those years? What things happened to break someone’s will like this?

And was he truly beyond repair?

“Those past weeks, I have visited Alfheim more times than you could comprehend” he giggled nervously, avoiding your eyes. “Concealed, of course.”

Well, that sounded kind of weird, but you knew better than to talk someone down who was just opening up to you. So your sole answer was “What for?”

“There was no way a criminal like me would still be seemed fit for this ceremony - and yet I was given this chance anyway. My mother told me that it was you who insisted on carrying on the arrangement, so...I just wanted to know what person would be willingly ruin their life.”

Something different was shining through the god’s orbs, and you couldn’t quite decipher it. Was it hope? Hope, that if you had given him a chance, his life could lead into a different direction? To change himself from the burden that was his birth title?

“I-I guess I don’t want to mess this up like I always do” he whimpered barely audible, before staring at you in shock and embarassment. Until now, he hadn’t realized just how vulnerable he made himself.

Just what the hell would you think about him now? You probably had lost any respect, or thought himself to be crazy. How weak...

So he was quick to put on the confident facade again, wearing his smug grin as if that all was just part of a big joke only he’d understand. But even though you barely knew him, he couldn’t fool you.

“Sometimes it’s enough just to try.” Your head turned from the sight of nature to your fiancé and back several times, before you brought up the courage and put a hand on his shoulder, whispering “So you can’t really mess this up.”

“Gladly you don’t seem to know yet just how much misery I cause.” He kept that thought to himself, to not scare you away.

“I am aware that you could never love someone like me, Y/N. But I can provide for you, dedicate myself to making you content with being my wife. My newfound purpose.”

The purpose of a war criminal - that sure put yourself under a lot of pressure. And still, it made you somewhat proud, and grateful as well. Because it was the first time someone valued you as a person, and not the princess of Alfheim.

Unaware of how much time had passed, both of you would get used to each other’s presence in silence, enjoying the nature while you processed this eventful day.

Exhausted from the long travel and all that rollercoaster of emotion, you soon found yourself dazzling into sleep onto Loki’s shoulder. If only you could see him adore you, staring in awe that someone could actually feel so safe in his presence.

Carefully, the god picked you up, gently lifting you on his arms to make your way back to the palace, where everyone was frantically searching for both of you. Well, Loki was used to trouble -  but right now, it was worth it.

May it be right or wrong, and even though you couldn’t explain this sentiment, you had a good feeling when it came to the things that were just about to come.

“You won’t regret your decision, Y/N Y/L/N. On my side, I assure you a bright future.”

#Loki #Loki x Reader #Loki x You #Loki Odinson #Loki Laufeyson #Loki Friggason #Loki/Reader #Loki/You #Self Insert #Fanfiction #Arranged Marriage #Writing #Marvel #Asgard

[kumqu4t]

birthday with the company headcanons!

☆ a birthday gift to two wonderful people, @trxblemaker and @rowandor whose birthdays are on the 13th and 14th respectively!

☆ (platonic!company/reader)

☆ takes place after BOTFA, everybody lived!!

☆ kind of angsty at the beginning but dON’T WORRY THERE IS MUCH COMFORT AND FLUFF TO MAKE UP FOR IT!!!!

☆ target audience- teen reader

☆ (y/bday)= your birthday

☆ (y/n/a)= your new age

you were slowly but surely getting settled into erebor, your new home

shortly after the battle, you found yourself adopted by EVERY MEMBER OF THE COMPANY

you now wore braids with handmade beads in your hair, one for each family

you lived in erebor, obviously

and all the other families, lived in rooms in the same hallway

you spent most of your time exploring

and the company weren’t the only ones you spent time with

dís had taken a liking to you quite fast, proving to be a much appreciated maternal figure in your life

tauriel was like a sister to you. someone you could prank kíli with, but also go to for advice and a listening ear

so basically you never had to worry about being lonely

things had been pretty quiet and uneventful for awhile

until, on one ordinary day, you made the mistake of bringing up your birthday

you were walking aimlessly around erebor, simply exploring and enjoying the view

when kíli bounded up to you, a smile lighting up his face

“company supper coming up! you will be in attendance, right (y/n)?”

“it’ll be great fun,” he continued. “we’re planning to head to the library after and tell stories while enjoying a few drinks.”

“no drinks for you though, little sister,” he added as an afterthought, ruffling your hair playfully

kíli now looked at you expectantly, waiting for your response

“oh that sounds great,” you answered after a pause. “what day is it planned for?”

“(y/bday) at 6:00!” kíli answered

you responded without thinking

“oh that’s my birthday! i’ll be turning (y/n/a). huh! with the quest and the battle and everything it must have slipped my mind! anyways, of course i’ll be coming, i can’t wait!”

you looked at kíli to see him frozen in place, a pained expression on his face

“kíli?”

you waved a hand in front of his face “earth to kíli?”

he jerked to life, flashing you a quick smile that looked more like a grimace

“terribly sorry (y/n), but i must be off! i think i heard uncle calling!”

you stared after him for a few more minutes, feeling confused

you definitely did not hear thorin calling

well that was weird

brushing it off, attributing it to kíli just being kíli, you went about the rest of your day as usual

oddly, you didn’t see much of the company that day, or in the rest of the days following

you didn’t see bilbo, dís, or tauriel either

and you usually spent time with at least one member a day

but now they were nowhere in sight

and if you did see them, they would make an excuse and quickly dash away

so by the end of the week you were feeling a little down

you didn’t know what you had done wrong

and you missed spending time with your family

you wondered if maybe dwarves didn’t celebrate birthdays? but even so, they had never avoided you like this before

some unfortunate thoughts came to you

‘maybe now that the quest is over and i can’t be of service in any way, they don’t care about me anymore? maybe i don’t fit in here in erebor?’

your sadness soon mingled with anger, and your anxiety remained

creating an uncomfortable knot in your stomach and a lump in your throat

what did you do to deserve this? they could at least tell you why

you had saved their sorry butts so many times

and when you saw them again, you planned to kick their sorry butts all the way to next tuesday for avoiding you

the day of the company supper (and your birthday) finally came

and despite your anger and confusion, you still decided to go

for multiple reasons

mostly because you wanted to confront them and ask why you had been ignored all week

and you also heard that bombur was making his famous apple tart with raspberry jam

evening came sooner than you realized

you saw that the clock read 5:45 and readied yourself as fast as possible

you quickly dressed yourself in your favorite outfit, pulled a cardigan over it, and ran a brush through your hair

you rushed down the long halls of erebor, keeping your pace quick

you finally turned the corner and came face to face with what had been dubbed as the “company room,” for all the time they spent in it

you felt your hand shake slightly as you grasped the cool metal handle

slowly, you opened the door, preparing to be met with the high, stone walls and rich velvet furniture

but you opened the door to find... nothing?

you squinted your eyes, trying to see into the pitch black room

“hello,” you called out. “thorin? fíli? kíli? is anyone here?”

all of a sudden, the candles and lanterns were lit, and people jumped out from behind furniture and under tables

“SURPRISE,” they yelled. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY (Y/N)!”

you didn’t say anything for a few seconds

you could only stare, dumbfounded, at the people in front of you

everyone was there. the whole company, including bilbo, dís, and tauriel

“w-what?” you tentatively asked. “what is going on?”

kíli piped up, a large smile on his face

“it’s your birthday party!! don’t you like it? we’ve spent all week planning it!”

you took quite a few seconds to look around the room

it was decorated with streamers made of beautiful fabric, and banners hung from the walls

a large pile of wrapped gifts lay in the corner

and in the center of the room was a huge table with a feast fit for a king

as the clocks on the wall continued to tick, you heard dís mutter “kíli if you got the date wrong i swear to mahal...”

you spoke up, “no, no. he’s right. it is my birthday. but... i don’t understand. you guys did all of this... for me?”

bilbo stepped forward, thumbing his suspenders, “why of course! it’s your birthday! we wouldn’t miss a chance to properly celebrate our girl’s birthday.”

“so you guys weren’t avoiding me all week because you think i don’t belong in erebor?” you asked

the room exploded with yells of anger, confusion, and outrage

“why in durin’s name would you think that?” thorin asked after the chaos died down, furrowing his brows in confusion.

“well you guys were avoiding me all week. i didn’t know what to think.”

dori hurried over to you, draping a blanket around your shoulders and steering you towards the couch.

“yes dear, come this way, and we will explain everything. don’t you worry, sweetling,” he soothed.

everyone gathered to find seats around you

kíli shifted uncomfortably on his feet and bit his lip. “i’m so sorry (y/n)! when i found out your birthday was coming up, i felt terrible that we didn’t know sooner, so i hurried to collect everyone and devise a plan.”

ori interjected, a worried frown on his face, “we were all so excited to plan your party, we must have forgotten to keep you distracted.”

“we meant no harm by it,” fíli added.

“aye,” said thorin. “and about that complete and utter nonsense you were spouting earlier: you belong in erebor just as much as any dwarf here. you are our family. and we wanted to celebrate you today.”

of course, you burst into tears

*cue panicked company*

“oh mahal, what did we do now?”

“i bet thorin said something wrong” “shut up dwalin”

“oh no lass, please don’t cry!”

through your sobs, you somehow found your way over to thorin, seeking cuddles

he scooped you up and sat you gently in his lap

you buried your face in his chest, clutching at his tunic with your hands, allowing his scent of smoke and pine trees to wash over you

his large hand rubbed soothing circles on your back as he mumbled assurances

bilbo held and stroked your hand gently

and you felt others reaching out with their own soothing touches

you eventually found yourself at the center of a huge group hug, not that you minded at all

group hugs did seem to be inevitable in this family

through tears, you explained that you were relieved, and so very thankful for the party

you apologized for jumping to conclusions and overreacting, but everyone insisted you had nothing to apologize for

after you eventually calmed down enough, bofur spoke up

“well i think you’ve done enough cryin’ this evenin,’ now haven’t ye’ lass? it is your birthday after all. i say we start the party!”

everyone agreed

as you all found seats at the table, you allowed yourself a moment to admire the spread

bombur had truly outdone himself this time

the table was full of food of all sorts. salted pork, mince pies, all kinds of cheeses, potatoes, biscuits, sausages, meats, and stews.

oh and don’t forget the ale- and lots of it!

you sat and ate until your stomach could handle no more

all the while listening to and telling stories, and laughing as bilbo reprimanded the dwarves’ bad manners

then came dessert

the company insisted to do by “your people’s traditions” and sing you happy birthday.

they were completely off key and didn’t know the tune at all

but it was perfect. it was more than perfect.

you dug into a few small slices of your favorite flavor of cake

fili may or may not have smashed kili’s face into his cake, leading to a wrestling match that had to be broken up by dwalin

after cake, came presents

once you saw all of the boxes, you protested vehemently, insisting you didn’t need all of this

which led into many more speeches preaching that you deserve all of this and more

so with a light blush staining your cheeks, you opened the gifts one by one

they were perfect

- forged by thorin: a sword with various gems emblazoned on the hilt (“so you can properly threaten any suitors you find yourself approached by in the coming months”)

- from bilbo: a handmade handkerchief embroidered with your initials and your favorite flowers (“well this would have come in handy earlier, now wouldn’t it?”)

- from fíli: one of his lucky knives (“see here, you can strap it on your thigh for easy access”)

- from kíli: a poorly knitted bear with one eye sewed on haphazardly (he made it himself, and he tried his best) because you had mentioned missing your stuffed animals before

- from tauriel: miruvor that she acquired from rivendell (for emergency’s- just in case)

- from dís: a quilt with the lonely mountain embroidered on it (“to keep you warm and remind you of home”)

- from balin: a collection of classic dwarven stories in a thick, leather-bound book

- from dwalin: a fluffy fur coat and a pair of gloves (“a wee lass like you will freeze in these winters without proper protection”)

- from ori: a beautiful portrait of yourself

- from nori: hair pins that also function as lock picks (“s’no harm in being careful”)

- from dori: your favorite tea (“a warm cup of tea is both the perfect way to start the day and the perfect way to end the day”)

- from bifur: a beautiful bouquet of flowers, hand picked and arranged by him

- from bofur: an intricate wooden carving of your favorite animal

- from bombur: a bountiful basket of honey cakes, carefully wrapped for future snacking

- from oin: fancy haircare and skincare supplies

- and from gloin: a necklace with a beautiful stone pendant

it was entirely too much, but, as you have come to learn, your family doesn’t do simple

especially when it comes to you

you thanked everyone many times, not knowing how to fully express your gratitude

the night, as kili had promised, followed with many stories and much laughter

and lots of ale

you tried to sneak a sip of thorin’s

AS A JOKE

a joke that he did not find very amusing

you spent the rest of the evening listening to tales of old, your head drooping to rest on tauriel’s shoulder

you recall the night getting darker, the fire slowly burning out, and the laughter becoming quieter

the gentle pressure of a coat being placed on you

and strong arms wrapped around your small frame, pulling you to a warm chest

helping you easily drift off into a peaceful sleep

you woke up in the early morning next day, before the sun had even risen

apparently everyone had become so tired and it was so late that they decided to just sleep in the “company room” for the night

no one had any sense of personal space while they slept not that you minded

you felt arms wrapped around you and draped over your stomach, hands brushing yours, feet propped up on you, and more

all were asleep, save yourself

you sat up slowly, careful not to disturb the others, and took a look around

to soak it all in

to enjoy the moment

snoring dwarves

a hobbit, curled up in a cocoon of blankets

an elf, hugging a pillow close to her chest as she slept

and you, right in the middle of it all

you gave a small smile as you eased yourself back onto the couch

this was peace

this was contentment

this was home

#erin writes i guess #the hobbit headcanons #hobbit x reader #the hobbit imagine #company #the hobbit company #thorin #dís #fíli #kíli #tauriel #nori #dori #ori #oin #gloin #bofur #bifur #bombur #bilbo baggins #balin #dwalin

[kotosnoozy]

「fourteen」 chapter 1

"Yuri did confess to me about one crush. First one he ever had, I’d wager, from how nervous he seemed. I had expected it to be Lady Estellise here,” Hanks says, the corners of his eyes crinkling mischievously as she flusters, “but the one detail he did give me certainly ruled that out quick.” “O-oh?” Estelle stammers. “Mmm, well. Apparently whoever they are, they’re significantly older than him. About 14 years, I think he said.”

On the nature of Yuri's first crush.

He hadn’t thought much of it at first.

Hanks’s fond babbling about Yuri over their extremely well-earned dinner is incredibly revealing about the usually cool-headed leader of their motley crew. The old man proves himself a riveting story-teller, keeping their entire party entertained for hours on end despite the incredibly long and taxing 48 sleepless hours they’ve had.

(‘Though there was almost a permanent sleep in there for some of us,’ Raven finds himself thinking morbidly, before digging his bitten-down nails as deep into his ankles as he can to distract himself)

It feels like the only time any of them stop smiling and laughing is to take another mouthful from their bowls of curry, piled high from the seemingly endless and eternal pots of the stuff in the knight’s mess hall (or in Rita’s case, to test out another formula against the system Alexei’s locked the princess into - luckless so far, but she’s yet to lose determination).

Hanks has provided all sorts of anecdotes: the adventures of a baby Yuri who had just learned to walk, quicker to his feet than Flynn but still only babbling in response to the younger’s full fledged scolding - their dynamic had formed incredibly early on, it seemed; fond recollections of helping him to learn to bind properly, their first real bonding experience that had endeared them to each other as adoptive-grandfather-and-grandson; prideful recounts of Yuri’s development from childhood cynophobia into a renowned dog-lover, of all the other little things Yuri had been scared of as a child and grown out of in time (and those he hadn’t - Raven makes a few mental notes for later reference); all the fights Yuri and Flynn had gotten into over the years, and the brief interlude where they had dated in their teens (‘If anything,’ he laughs, ‘the bickering became even more frequent at that point - thank heavens they didn’t last!’); and of course, everyone’s old favourite - that one time 2 years ago when he’d thrown Adecor into the river on tax day.

Raven’s heard that one on a number of occasions from all four of the people who’d been present when it occurred - it somehow never gets any less funny.

While most of Brave Vesperia and it's honorary members are thrilled to learn more about their favourite rebel, Yuri himself is less than happy about Hanks laying out his life story for everyone to see. It's plain on his face - the grimace of a man who appreciates how much his parents love him but would really prefer they didn't tell his date about the time he streaked naked through the town and peed in a fountain at 5 years old. His embarrassment is palpable, a pink glow to his ears that slowly spreads to his cheeks the longer and more intimate Hanks’ stories become.

It’s as he brings up Yuri’s childhood dream of joining the knights so he could sweep a princess off her feet, pointedly winking in Estelle’s direction, that their so-called fearless leader bolts to his feet. He spins on his heel, making a beeline to the other side of the room, and plonks himself violently between a bewildered Adecor and Boccos, immediately thrown from their confusion into annoyance as Yuri’s food slops all over both of them.

His previous dining companions merely snicker in his wake, Hanks chuckling fondly.

“He’s always been so easily riled, that boy. If this is how flustered he gets over just you lot hearing all this then I can’t even imagine how he’ll be when he finally shacks up with someone.’

“Wait, but didn’t you say he dated Flynn when they were younger?” Karol asks, head cocking to one side.

“Well between you, me and our gatepost friends here,” the old man says, leaning in - they all follow suit, as Hanks’ eyes pointedly glance over to Flynn, “I wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings if he hasn’t realised, but I always got the impression that Yuri was far less invested in their relationship than Flynn. It was Flynn who asked him out, after all.”

“My, that does surprise me. Yuri’s always seemed like he’d be the more proactive of the two when it comes to romance.” Judy muses.

Hanks raises his eyebrows, thin lips twisting into an uneasy frown.

“Wait a minute,” Rita says, leaning even further forward. “You’re not saying Yuri never had feelings for him are you?”

He winces, gaze averting. Raven feels his eyebrows shoot into his hairline.

“They’ve always loved each other, of course. But the tone of that love seems to differ between them. Their relationship was what happened when they tried to figure that out, it seems, but ultimately…”

“They just weren’t compatible as partners of that type?”

“Right.” he nods to Estelle. “In all honesty, Yuri might give off the air of someone with considerable relationship experience, but it’s Flynn who attracts more attention. And seems more interested in others in turn.”

Raven finds his gaze wandering between the two in question - Flynn has managed to find himself eating amidst a small crowd, knights and lower quarter folks alike, all of them doting on him and telling him stories, and him listening attentively to each of them in turn. Yuri, meanwhile is… wrestling with all three of the ex-Schwann Brigade’s most prominent knights simultaneously. Astounding.

“Yeah that tracks.” he finds himself murmuring, nails scratching through the chest hair that rises above the collar of his shirt. Even if Flynn wasn’t the most eager to please others between the two, the young man radiates a natural charm that draws others to him like a moth to a flame - it’s hard to forget how he was upstaged the time he took him drinking in Dahngrest. Yuri, meanwhile, has a proclivity for trouble and a tendency to stick his foot in his mouth with his wit. While endearing, he can’t imagine it’s the most efficient for pursuing new connections - even if he’s managed to attract all of the motley crew Raven’s currently sat with.

“So Flynn’s a secret ladies’ man and Yuri, despite all the pomp and swagger, has absolutely no game?” Rita snickers, casting a wry look across the room at Yuri that he’s too distracted to notice.

“Well I don’t know about that. Flynn’s a man’s man if nothing else, never shown interest in women to my knowledge. But… I don’t think Yuri’s ever actually been interested in dating , full stop.”

“No way, really?!” Karol barks. The exclamation draws the attention of the groups sat closest to them, even Flynn, momentarily, before they go busily back to their meals. Flynn’s expression as he looks at them is pondering, almost puppy-like, and Karol’s panic is practically visible as they watch him seemingly wrestle with whether to come over and see what the fuss is about. Then the woman at his side taps a hand to his elbow gently, and his manners win out - she successfully steals his attention back around, all of his interest in their discussion completely forgotten.

“Well. It certainly seems that way anyway. I remember him asking me, back when they dated, how he would know if his feelings for someone were romantic. He didn’t seem to understand my answer very well."

“That’s unexpected. I suppose my advances have all been vain!” Patty whines. Raven finds himself snickering - whether Patty’s affections are genuine or not is one mystery he's yet to solve, but her playing it up is never any less entertaining or fun to tease.

“Though now that I think about it… he did confess to me about one crush. First one he ever had, I’d wager, from how nervous he seemed.”

Patty surges forward onto her hands and knees, scrambling to get in Hanks’ face. Surprisingly, he’s not that caught off guard - perhaps used to it from Yuri’s exuberance as a child, or that other kid from the lower quarter who’s off chasing Repede on the far side of the room.

“I need all the details, matey! Don’t spare a single one!”

Hanks chuckles.

“I’m very sorry young lady, but he didn’t tell me all that much! I had expected it to be Lady Estellise here,” he says, the corners of his eyes crinkling mischievously as she flusters, “but the one detail he did give me certainly ruled that out quick.”

“O-oh?” Estelle stammers.

“Mmm, well. Apparently whoever they are, they’re significantly older than him. About 14 years, I think he said.”

“My my! That’s quite the considerable age gap.” Judy coos, tone teasing in spite of Yuri’s absence. She turns over to look at him, sitting atop a pile of knights and triumphantly tucking into a second of four bowls (spoils of war, Raven would wager) - they all do, in fact.

“Kid’s got taste at least. Nothin’ quite like the mature allure of an older lady~'' Raven sing-songs, half-joking. Rita jabs him in the side harshly.

“Shut up old man-- you said you thought it was Estelle he had a crush on right? So are you saying this is recent? ”

It’s like a switch flips in all of their heads simultaneously. Faces filled with shock whip to look at Hanks, who sits sheepishly clutching his bowl.

“Whoops. Might’ve let a little too much information slip on that one. I was probably meant to keep that detail private…”

“Oh my go--”

Rita slaps a hand over Karol’s mouth before his shriek draws too many eyes over. They all meet each other's' gaze one by one - Yuri's crushing on someone for the first time ever at this exact moment - before turning to look back at Yuri again. He’s mid-mouthful, spoon clutched in his hand like a shovel and sauce dripping down his chin, as he turns to survey his surroundings and catches their eyes.

“What?” he chokes out around his mouthful, just audible over the bustle of the rest of the room. He must see the sheer shock on their faces, as concern starts to cross his face and his gaze wanders to Hanks. “Wait, what did you tell them, old man?”

Hanks chooses that exact moment to get up, incredibly swiftly for a man his age.

“Well, thank you all for keeping me company, kids, but I must be off to… check on other people in… other parts of the castle. Right. Goodbye.”

The speed at which he heads for the door is quite remarkable - Yuri barely manages to scramble off his knight-pile-cum-throne before he’s gone from sight, and presumably halfway down the corridor before Yuri makes it out of the room after him.

It’s a shock, that much is certain. Raven hadn’t thought Yuri would be interested in older women - or people he supposes, he’s never really shown any inclination to anyone before in a romantic sense, so certainly not any specific gender. He’d never much struck him as the type.

But then he hadn’t struck him as the type to be interested in any type of relationship until this curveball of a conversation had come along. So hey, why not. If Yuri was into older people, he certainly wasn’t intending to torment him about it. Other than maybe one opportunely timed quip.

Honestly, he really hadn’t thought much about it at first.

But then the kids throw their own curveball.

“I can’t believe Yuri likes someone so much older than him!! Like, I guess I get the appeal of someone a little older than you for like… security or something, I dunno. But man, 14 years!!” Karol exclaims, as quietly as he can for his excitement. “I wonder if we know who it is.”

Rita barks a laugh, catching a distracted Patty off-guard. She begins anew whatever calculations she’d been making on her fingers as Rita shrugs exaggeratedly.

“I bet it’s some big-boobed motherly-figure in the lower quarter or something.”

“Well if all he wanted was big boobs and a nurturing personality then I’ve been here this whole time, all he had to do was ask!” Judith sighs, sly smirk giving away her lack of sincerity.

“Hey,” Patty pipes up suddenly, drawing their attention. “Isn’t Raven about 14 years older than Yuri?”

He feels the cogs in his brain whirr to a stop.

Suddenly, he is thinking very much about it.

“Oh yeah!” he hears Karol chirp. No doubt he checks the calculations on his own fingers, but Raven doesn’t register it if so, hard as he’s trying just to think at all. “Haha, that’s a weird coincidence!”

Estelle giggles.

“Imagine if it was Raven he had a thing for!”

He feels their eyes on him instantly, but it takes a moment for his brain to catch up. His own eyes must be wide as saucers, as they look at him, the mirth starting to fall from Estelle’s expression - he forces a ridiculous grin to his face.

“Haha, yeah imagine that! Someone like Yuri fallin’ for a washed up old fart like me!” he cackles, voice strained even to his own ears. “That’d be ridiculous!!”

The kids buy it though, Karol laughing along before pulling the others back into their debate about exactly who the mystery object of Yuri’s affections could be. It’s Estelle whose gaze lingers on him, just a moment or two longer, as the facade starts to crack, but she must see it - the silent plea in his eyes - as she turns back to the others not a moment later.

If anyone notices that Raven is mentally tapped out until they all go their separate ways for the night, then they’re at least polite enough not to mention it.

⇷-------------

Raven is a strange one.

This is Yuri’s third time meeting the man (or fourth, if the time Rita threatened to set him alight in Capua Torim counts as an actual encounter) and in all honesty, it’s hard to get a read on him past him being very obviously shady.

He seems as though he might be someone of consequence, if the quality of information he so casually throws like bones to random guards is actually as quality as he would have them believe. Either way he’s certainly silver-tongued, plying the others in Yuri’s makeshift travelling party into submission fairly easily despite their initial apprehension about him. Karol and Estelle are charmed by him, by his goofy antics if not the lolloping drawl of his accent, though they make no effort to hide the fact that they find him fishy. While Rita is far less taken, she seems to be placated by him taking her punishments, both fire and fists, like a champ.

The charm isn’t exactly visible to the naked eye though. He skulks at the back of the group, heavy footed and posture slouched. His clothes all seem far too big for him, obscuring the shape of his body in a way Yuri supposes is meant to make him seem unassuming, and he’s already displayed a number of habits that he knows would make any upper quarter noble’s toes curl - picking at his ears and the skin around his nails, before chewing at the nails themselves.

He has to admit though, he’s quite handsome in the face beneath the mess of dusty brown hair. Not in the same way as Flynn, with his big blue eyes and tousled blonde hair, the very picture of a storybook knight. His crooked nose, chapped lips, stubbly chin and hollow cheeks certainly make for a more unconventional type of attractive, but they all come together to create a certain appeal. The brightness of his eyes certainly helps too.

Also the combat prowess. Fighting ability is always an attractive quality in Yuri’s opinion, but especially in a travelling companion.

For a self-professed old man, Raven’s far more nimble than Yuri had expected. Sure, he’d made quite the getaway back in Capua Nor after he’d sold them out, but he’d assumed that’d been a one-off desperate sprint, not the norm. Apparently he was wrong, based on the nimble footwork he employs to dart out of the way of a particularly feisty howler. It doesn’t escape his notice how Karol nearly falls flat on his ass when Raven rushes past him and twists himself at an insane angle to fire an arrow across the way, skewering a beetle between its mandibles before it can take a bite out of Estelle.

“Woah, Raven!! Yuri, you’ve got some serious competition for your acrobatics now!!”

The bark of laughter leaves his throat unwittingly.

“I didn’t realise there even was a competition!”

He sees Rita roll her eyes as she releases a torrent of water behind her, clearly disbelieving him and with good reason; he’s never been one to back down from a potential competition. He breaks away from the corner of the forest floor he’s been holding down, using the momentum to propel himself up and over Raven, carrying it into his sword as he flips to crash it down into the skull of another monster. Raven whistles appreciatively as it disappears into dust.

“Not bad, young ‘un!”

He throws a smirk over his shoulder, ego swelling at the genuine awe on Raven’s face.

“How’s about it, old man? First to twenty?”

The awe transforms into a grimace in an instant.

“Ahhh, I dunno about that. Ol’ Raven’s never really been one for competitions, let alone effort. ”

He scoffs.

“Oh, come on. We’ve got no choice but to fight to get deeper into the forest anyway, right? So why not make a game of it? Not like it’ll actually be any more effort than you were already putting in.”

Raven purses his lips, seemingly unconvinced. His eyes narrow slightly as he stares off, deep in thought, the blue-green seemingly increasing in intensity. For all he’s been putting on the act of a court jester, Yuri is certain in that moment that there’s a deep intelligence to the older man; something unspoken, a wisdom beyond his years.

(Not that he knows how old Raven is but. Well, he gets the feeling that while he’s certainly older than he and his travelling companions, he’s not actually pushing middle-aged yet like he makes out)

Fwip!

He comes back to himself to see Raven’s face closer than before, upside down, chin in line with his collarbone. His bow arm (and subsequently the bow itself) is extended past his shoulder, the other loose by his head having just fired. Behind him there’s a thunk. A screech. A pop. And then silence.

“Looks like that’s one ta me~” Raven coos, eyes hooded as he smirks. He rolls his back, lithe and catlike, to stand himself back upright, stretching his arms out until his shoulders crack. For all his complaining about aches and pains so far (extremely numerous for the time they’ve been travelling with him, maybe an hour at most), he certainly doesn’t move as though he has any joint issues.

Despite his shock, he finds himself laughing.

If he’s honest with himself, he’s just as charmed by Raven as the kids are. He’s never made a connection quite like this one; with someone who can go toe to toe with his dry wit, and make it out the other side without being angry with him. Rita had been the closest (since Niren at least, but Yuri prefers to avoid thinking about the only father he ever knew if he can). But while Rita’s great with a back and forth, she’s easily riled, easily flustered. It only takes one slightly wrong jab and she gets stroppy, or else loses all interest in the situation.

Raven, for all his strangeness, has so far matched Yuri every step of the way. They’ve fallen so easily into a steady banter, something of their own personal comedy routine for just the two of them, some form of it present even from their first encounter way back in that jail cell. To have someone who can appreciate his snark, and give it back just as good while they both know it’s all in good fun? He’d never realised just how much he’d appreciate a relationship like that.

So yeah, Raven’s a little suspicious. But as far as Yuri’s concerned, he’s willing to offer him the benefit of the doubt for the strange comfort he gets from their repartee, just so long as he doesn’t do anything too crazy.

He slaps Raven on the shoulder, moving past him to continue deeper into the oversized brush.

“You got me, old man. But don’t you worry, you won’t be holding that lead for long.”

Raven merely cackles in response, wordlessly filing in behind him.

-------------⇸

There’s only one real constant within their travelling party, and that’s that the sleeping arrangements are ever-changing.

It takes a little while for him to notice, though in his defence the first week or so he’s with them is certainly not a typical week. In the more recent days, they’d gotten lucky with inns having enough beds for all of them, but the first few nights had been entirely sleepless in the hustle and bustle of, y’know, stopping a war, taking down the Blood Alliance and colliding with an actual genuine-article ghost ship.

(He’s still not sure what that was all about if he’s being entirely honest, but he’s old and ““wise”” enough by now that he knows there are some things in this world that you simply shouldn’t question)

So it’s Nordopolica where he finds himself bedding down with his new companions for the first time. The constant hustle and bustle of Palestralle’s workers and the fresh colosseum season unfortunately means there isn’t much free in terms of rooms. On the plus side, the three double beds they’re provided are plenty enough space for them all to be able to sleep comfortably; Fomalhaut’s rooms are quite spacious, nothing at all like the army barracks of his youth (though he supposes that should be expected from a city that considers itself something of an entertainment hub).

Raven takes his time ambling in behind everyone else, absently watching how effortlessly Repede transfers his pipe from one side of his toothy maw to the other. Rushing would be pointless, in his opinion, because he can already envision how everyone will double-up. Rita is sure to claim a spot beside the princess, for whose sake she could not be more clearly continuing to travel for despite her protests, and Judy won’t want to get lumped with a snotty (though admittedly quite sweet) brat or some dirty old man she hardly knows - he’s gonna get stuck with the kid, and the two of them can have a very one-sided competition over whose shitty little brain can give them the most nightmares in one night, and Raven will be perfectly content with that, thank you very much.

(It’ll be him who wins that one - hormone-induced nightmares are nothing compared to the horrors your brain can produce when you have blood and a war on your hands)

And then Karol throws him for a loop by tossing his bag semi-gently to the floor before diving into bed after Rita , of all people.

She hardly even makes a fuss. There’s a yelp - what sounds like it could be the start of the protest Raven would expect from such a combination - before she settles almost immediately.

“Just make sure you don’t kick me awake again, got it?” she barks pointedly at him, before rolling to face away from him and promptly cocooning herself in the blanket. He laughs at her, kicking off his shoes and fluffing up his pillow, seemingly content.

Wide-eyed, Raven turns to the girls - surely he can’t be the only one caught off-guard by this, it seems unthinkable for Rita not to put up a fight to sharing with Karol , and there’s an exclamation of surprise right on the tip of his tongue - only to find them claiming the second bed for themselves, Judy helping Estelle to unfasten the complicated buckles of her dress. He bites his words back, head whipping away; much as the image of a pervert works as a brilliant cover to convince the kids of his idiocy, peeping on the possible-crown princess as she gets changed is certainly not a thing he’s ever aspired to.

And so he comes face to face with the final bed. His bed he supposes, strange as it may still be to him. Yuri’s already making himself comfy on the left side, shirt and jacket thrown over the bottom edge of the bed frame. He stretches his arms up and over his head, muscles rippling as he yawns. He catches Raven’s eye as they fall back down, a mischievous glint flickering in his eyes.

“Looks like it’s you and me, old man.” he says, patting the sheets next to him with a wiggle of his eyebrows.

He can feel his own lips quirk to mirror Yuri’s, even as he fights to push down the instinctive panic.

“And here I was hopin’ ta share with my darlin’ Judy!” he whines playfully, flopping down beside him face first in a show of dramatism.

“Sorry, Raven. I just couldn’t miss the chance to cuddle up with Estelle!” comes her voice, sing-songy, from the bed she’s claimed. He can see, as he pushes himself up onto his hands and knees to get better situated, that she’s doing exactly that. She’s practically spooning the princess, face buried in short pink locks, and Estelle herself looks the very picture of a tomato (not that he wouldn’t himself with Judith’s considerable… assets pressed against him).

“Well so long as yer not a cuddler yerself, Mr Lowell.” he jokes, rearranging himself onto his back before pulling the duvet up to his chin. For all that they’re in less than ideal circumstances with sharing beds, he’s glad to see Palestralle don’t skimp on the furnishings for their inns - the linen is incredibly soft, smooth against the pads of his fingers, and it’s a smart fabric choice for an inn in so changeable a climate.

Yuri huffs a laugh.

“I think I can hold myself back this once, just for you.” he says, tone laden with sarcasm. He watches Raven with keen eyes as he lounges on his side, head resting in his hand. Raven wonders how he can sleep like that - how his arm doesn’t cramp in the night, doesn’t wake him up in a fit of panic when he can’t move it, breathing shallow until the blood flow returns. He forgets, sometimes, that not everyone enters a blind panic over the little things.

“Why, I'm honoured! Yer benevolence knows no bounds!" he coos back, nose scrunching in amusement. Yuri smiles as he reaches back and pats Repede where he stands by the bed - a silent request to turn off the overhead light. The pooch complies, trotting off with a clack of his pipe between his teeth - Raven’s constantly caught off guard by the dog’s intelligence, the number of strange things Yuri’s managed to teach him (or perhaps that the dog has taught himself? He’s still not fully certain how much of a hand in training him that the young man’s had), and this is certainly another for the list.

“Damn right it doesn’t. Better make sure you show me the respect I deserve.” he says. He meets his eyes again as the blastia clicks off, dousing them in darkness. They crinkle with mirth, the abyss within softening even more as Karol giggles at their antics on the other side of the room.

They find themselves in a staring contest, of sorts. Or maybe closer to a game of chicken? He’s sure Yuri sees it that way at least, if his unblinking gaze is anything to go by. For him on the other hand it’s… something else. What exactly he can’t say. He’s just... transfixed .

Because Yuri’s plenty handsome on his own - perhaps even beautiful, if that’s more your thing. Raven’s already seen him turn a great many heads in the short time they’ve been together, including both the illustrious head of Fortune’s Market and the great forgotten war hero himself. Maybe he’d even let himself cast an admiring glance his way, if he hadn’t picked specifically womaniser for Raven’s bullshit cover-up trait.

But when the sea-breeze blows gently, kicking up the curtains, and the moonlight shines into the room, it catches him just so. The glow is ethereal, transformative, and it brings out the hidden flecks of golden brown in the depths of Yuri’s eyes, spins the silk of his dark hair almost chestnut. And just for a moment, he can trick himself into believing she’s here, the Canary herself, laid opposite him with a fond teasing smile, and oh god the hole where his heart used to be aches to reach out and touch her--

But for all her perfections, Casey’s eyes had never glowed quite like that had they? Never stared directly into his soul, made him almost want to bury into her arms and let her shoulder his every burden for him. Her kindness had inspired, but never been so bottomless that he wanted to abuse it, had never come off her in waves to the point it was visible in every little line of her face despite any grandstanding. Never so gentle to the broken that he could almost convince himself that he doesn’t need to run, that if he’s seen he’ll be accepted wholly, flaws and sins and all.

Not like Yuri. Not at all like Yuri.

The curtain drops, or else the clouds must roll in overhead. Either way, the moonlight vanishes, and with it goes the last vestiges of the illusion.

“Aye-aye, sir.” he all but murmurs, his voice tighter than just moments ago. He hopes, as Yuri’s face twists in concern, that his own face doesn’t give away the turmoil of his heart.

“You alright, old man? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“Hah, maybe I have!” he laughs, but it sounds notably hollow even to him. Still, he doesn’t break eye-contact as Yuri seems to peer directly into him, seemingly scanning his every thought and feeling, hope and dream.

The last thing he sees as he slips into sleep is the gentle embrace of the abyss. While his dreams are plagued by nightmares, a broken body bleeding out in the sand, he finds it’s the best night’s sleep he’s had in years.

-------------⇸

The town is silent, other than the gentle rustle of the sea breeze through the trees and the crunch of the dirt path beneath his feet.

They’ve been here all day, but Yuri’s not sure he’s used to how incredibly peaceful Yormgen is yet. He’s not sure he ever will be, either. He’s used to the bustle of the city, the shouting of vendors and newsies in Zaphias’s main market as carts laden with goods and people roll by. It feels like there’s always a dog barking, a clock chiming, a baby crying in the city, and the background noise helps him to switch his brain off in a way that the country never can.

Halure had been quiet to him - the calm atmosphere of the day, the slowness of shop transactions and conversation, had already been a lot, but for there to be a perfect stillness as night fell rather than an increase in bustle as drinkers started to take to the town had been the real whiplash. Despite a relatively large population, the town didn’t have a single dedicated bar to its name, and it’d thrown Yuri for far more of a loop than he’d ever expected.

Yormgen is even stranger. There must be all of fourteen people in this entire town, he thinks, and every single one of them vanished into their houses the moment the sun started to set. The only conversation he's heard that he hasn’t been directly involved in since Duke showed up and smashed their apatheia (he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t still annoyed about that) is that of his own travelling companions bickering over what to make for dinner with their limited ingredients as he stepped away to find their mysterious disappearing old man.

Raven took the loss of the crystal hard. Or at least, Yuri thinks he did. He certainly vanished quickly when they decided to wait around while Rita took some time to investigate. He’d been right next to him one second and then gone the next, before they’d had a chance to agree to meet back up for dinner at sundown. With no one having seen him all day since to let him know, it’d fallen on his shoulders to hunt him down and drag him back. Raven might’ve been plenty energetic on their first trip through the desert, but they all know better than to let him make the return journey on an empty stomach. The man eats like a bird at the best of times - he really can’t afford to be doing that now.

He’d grumbled and whined about it being him who had to go find him, but in all honesty he’s kind of pleased. He’s found himself surprisingly worried about the old man - this is the first time since they’ve started officially travelling together that he’s pulled a disappearing act. Normally it’s hard to get him to shut up for more than 20 minutes at a time, so the better part of a day without seeing or hearing from him at all is completely unheard of. If his silence doesn’t mean he’s curled up and died somewhere, then Yuri knows that he’s the only one of their party who stands any chance of fetching him with both of them left unscathed.

He’s explored the residential side of the town (if it can truly be called that) extensively already throughout the day. Not that it was hard to do - other than the homes of locals that are a bit further out, the town proper is essentially three big buildings and a deck. He’d quickly concluded that there were very few places to hide a man with a proclivity for such a bright shade of purple amongst the muted timber and the gentle green of the grass. The only conclusion he can come to is that Raven must’ve headed to the other side of town, to the sea of flowers that makes his sinuses itch just looking in their direction.

For all he knows they’ll give him a headache, the flowers are incredibly pretty. It had been the bushes of pink and blue trumpets that had caught his attention in the midday, as Estelle had run over to them in delight and plucked a few. She’d fashioned a few little fascinators, of sorts (a skill she’d learned in the finishing school she had no doubt been forced to attend as the potential future Empress), and spent the better part of an hour lacing them into everyone’s hair. If he looks back over his shoulder, he knows he’ll see Judith wearing the pink blossoms - rhododendron, Estelle had called them - with pride, while Karol nervously fidgets with his own, worried they’ll fall out, ruining the princess’s hard work.

Now, however, in the amber light of the sunset, it’s the flower tunnel that draws his eye. Not that he hadn’t noticed it before - it’s impossible to miss, vibrant as it is. But he’s never been the biggest fan of yellow, always a little bright for his tastes. The way the light bounces off the thousands of little flowers is certainly eye-catching though, setting them in such a way that their radiance is somehow easier on the eye. They’re impossible to look away from as he draws closer, some emotion he’s unused to, couldn’t possibly name, stirring in his chest. The chains dance gently in the breeze, bouncing against each other like a bead curtain, and something about it makes him nostalgic for the familiarity of the Lower Quarter.

Then he spots him, further in, beneath the boughs. His hand rests comfortably on the handle of the knife he keeps at his waist, the other left to the mercy of the breeze as he stares up amidst the blossoms. They bathe him in their glow, mingling with the dying rays of the sun, casting him almost golden . He’s mesmerised by the sight himself, it seems, completely off-guard for the first time in the couple of months Yuri’s known him - for all he plays the fool, Yuri would be an even bigger one not to realise how keenly Raven follows the every movement of all those around him.

But right now, he seems… defenceless. Open. Fragile. Unaware that a world aside from him and the sea of flowers even exists. He could do whatever he wanted to Raven in this moment, he thinks, and he just knows the man would be equally surprised by anything. Something about that knowledge, this vision makes his chest feel light, almost airy.

The image sears itself into his mind, unbidden, and he knows instantly. No matter how hard he tries he’ll never erase it.

“Laburnum.”

He startles as Raven speaks. Perhaps he hadn’t been as unaware as he’d thought.

“Huh?” he grunts dumbly.

“These flowers. They call ‘em Laburnum. Or golden rain in some parts.” he says, flicking his eyes (almost the vibrant green of dense aer with the glow) over to acknowledge Yuri. He goes quickly back to gazing upwards, almost reverent. “Pretty apt.”

Yuri finds himself eyeing the flowers again as he moves closer. They’re strangely shaped, the blooms, unlike any he’s seen before. The petals curl back and in on themselves, clustered closely together in a way that hides the little shock of red in their centres. Stranger still are the buds, gently curved in a way that reminds him of the plantains he’d seen in Dahngrest’s market.

From the right angle, they could almost look like birds in flight, or indeed a sudden burst of rainfall.

“Yeah, I guess.”

Raven’s lips quirk into a smile. His eyebrows set into something pensive, wistful even.

“They’re pretty rare these days. Didn’t think I’d ever get to see a single tree with my own eyes, never mind a whole grove…”

The melancholy that’s settled over him like a veil is impossible to ignore, his voice distant as though transported to another time. There’s a pressure at the base of Yuri’s throat as he watches him, finds himself wanting to do… something. He’s not sure what. Just anything to pull him from his reverie. But of course, in the end all he really knows is sarcasm.

“Wouldn’t have taken you as the type to know about flowers.”

It seems to work somewhat. Though perhaps he shouldn’t be so surprised - he and Raven have always been strangely in sync.

“Wouldn’t be much good with the ladies if I didn’t know about little things like flowers, now would I?” he says, finally turning to face Yuri more fully. His eyes soften with mischief, and yet still seem tight with… well if Yuri had to put a name to it, he’d wager it was grief .

A half-joke then; his flower knowledge almost certainly learned on behalf of one lady, though he’d wager not women generally at all. After all, for all he seemed to enjoy playing the womaniser, his actions often seemed chosen to purposefully push them away if anything.

Yuri rolls his eyes in faux-annoyance. Raven smiles. It gets closer to meeting his eyes than he expected it to.

“I can’t imagine just throwing their names around is especially impressive. Seems more like the absolute bare minimum.” he says, hand coming to rest on a cocked hip. Raven’s smile widens, coaxed out of his shell somewhat by the familiar teasing routine.

“Ah, but whoever said I only knew their names?”

His eyebrows raise instinctively. To know flowers’ names is one thing, but any other details aren’t usually common knowledge; their language, how to arrange them, the best methodology for their care all usually things known solely by the upper echelons of society, or else those with enough money in their back pockets to take a chance on starting a related career.

“Don’t tell me…” he trails off, fixing Raven with a sceptical look. The old man’s face splits into a wide grin, hand coming up to flash a peace sign. Dork, his thinks impulsively as he huffs a laugh, surprised at the fond tone the word takes in his mind. Then quick as the cheer arrives it drops again, leaving the previous melancholic half-smile splayed across Raven’s face.

“These wouldn’t be much good in a bouquet though, pretty as they are. If bein’ deadly poisonous wasn’t enough, they’re usually used as a symbol of the forsaken. ” he muses, the last word spat like something dirty from his mouth.

“Who the hell would look at these and decide that? ” Yuri barks out. His expression must look as bewildered as he feels - Raven laughs at him, gentle but genuine.

“Yeah, it seems like a lot, right?” he says. His gaze drifts away from Yuri’s, losing focus and staring past him, through his shoulder. “She always liked them though, in spite of that.”

“...She?” he asks, carefully. He doesn’t want to sound eager, too nosey. Doesn’t want to push when the old man is this fragile. But he can’t help his curiosity - this is the first he’s mentioned of his past, the first clue to piecing together the admittedly fascinating mystery that is Raven. The man himself seems to realise it too, that with just one sentence he’s revealed a huge part of himself he hasn’t previously. Graciously, he doesn’t scramble to hide it away as Yuri might’ve expected.

“Ah. Old friend.” he says softly, as though divulging a secret. “She’s… gone now. But she was always a big fan of flowers. These weren’t her favourite but. She liked ‘em plenty.”

It slips out of his mouth before he can stop himself.

“Not like you to spill your past out in the open like this, old man.”

It takes all of his mental strength not to kick himself as Raven’s expression shutters, the nostalgia, longing , vanishing from his face in favour of something more carefully guarded. His eyes though, expressive as they are, can’t hide the pain.

“Ah. I suppose they got me feelin’ a little nostalgic. Forgive me.”

The silence stretches out between them for miles and miles as he watches Raven, Raven in turn watching the dancing laburnum above his head. His eyes flicker from bloom to bloom, as though cataloguing each one carefully, trying to commit their shape, their profile to memory. Yuri finds his eyes drawn to his lips as they purse, a gentle pout taut in a manner that gives away the nervous chewing of the inside of his mouth. His thick eyelashes fan over his cheekbones as he blinks, and Yuri hates the silence of the country, because it’s weird sappy shit like this that the bustle of the city helps him to avoid thinking about.

Raven’s a lot like these flowers , is the thought that springs to his mind, unprompted. And it’s ridiculous really. Completely nonsensical. The kind of thing Karol might come out with on a night where he’s overtired, that they’d all tease him for mercilessly until they pass out. But there’s nothing to distract him from it - he’s surrounded by the evidence, and the more he tries to ignore it the more sense it seems to make to him. The two parts of his brain war with each other, unrelenting, and he can feel the push and pull starting to show on his face.

Then a single blossom falls from the canopy above. It lands perfectly atop Raven’s bangs, perched there like a peepit in a tree, and he can’t fight the analogy anymore - Raven certainly looks forsaken, in that instant, the pain swimming in his eyes. And yet usually so bright and cheery, like the flower’s vibrant colouring, almost desperate for attention as he jokes around-- and then pushing people away, like a poison, when they try to get close. An exterior crafted to make you underestimate him, and yet a hidden strength, swift and deadly on the battlefield. A sunny disposition that washes over you like a summer rain, calming and refreshing.

He’s not sure anymore if the golden glow bouncing off Raven’s skin is from the flowers, or just simply the man himself.

A light breeze jostles the flower, and it slips from his hair. The strange shape hooks itself onto the crook of his nose and it wedges firmly, even as the wind picks up, cascading more petals down onto them both. Raven either ignores it, or doesn’t notice, his eyes falling closed as he lets nature wash over him.

He steps closer carefully, unthinkingly. He feels as a moth to a flame, though why he couldn’t say. He’s unfamiliar with the stirring in his chest that rises at the sight, doesn’t understand his compulsion to reach out, to touch Raven. To check he’s still solid and there, that he hasn’t been blown away on the currents of the wind like his namesake.

His hand reaches out, plucking the flower from Raven’s face gently. The old man startles instantly, eyes snapping open and meeting Yuri’s as he flicks the blossom to the floor. Raven’s eyes scan over him, looking for answers that he’s not sure he’ll find. Yuri certainly wouldn’t be able to explain if he were to ask. He simply looks between the sunken blue-green, carefully smoothing more fallen petals from Raven’s shoulders.

“For what it’s worth,” he says, voice practically a whisper beneath the howling of the breeze, far gentler than he’d expected it to be, “I think I understand why your friend liked them.”

Raven’s eyebrow cocks, ever so slightly.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” he answers, lips quirking into a small smile, something genuine and raw and delicate that he doesn’t recall gracing his face before. “They’ve got a certain charm, I suppose.”

Raven’s breath hitches - he doesn’t hear it, only sees the narrowing of his nostrils, the bobbing of his Adam's apple. His eyes are so round, as the melancholy starts to subside slowly, leaving something inquisitive in his wake. It’s an expression he’s sure he’s seen on Repede before when he was younger, still training, still struggling with learning to sit on command, and it feels strange to compare Raven to a puppy, but it certainly isn’t the strangest thing that’s happened to him in the last 24 hours.

It feels like hours before Raven breaks his eyes away, anything raw and gentle immediately traded for bluster and jokes as he ducks his head.

“What’re you doin’ hangin’ out with me amidst the flowers anyway?” he asks, voice a little hoarse as his teasing lilt starts to creep back to him. “The others will start to talk if we keep havin’ these secret rendezvous, young man! How scandalous!”

He slaps his hand to his chest, feinting horror at their make-believe tryst. Yuri snorts, socking him lightly in the arm. Ridiculous as his jokes are, he can’t help but be pleased to see him return to some semblance of normalcy.

“I came to get you for dinner, dumbass. After that, you can feel free to go on ahead to Nordopolica.” he says, turning back around to lead the way to the others with a nod of his head.

Raven snickers at his own antics, hurrying to follow after him as he pulls a hurt expression.

“What, you wanna get rid of me so soon?”

“Wrong.” he snorts, head turned pointedly away in an effort to ignore his self-deprecating jokes. “I just wouldn't want you to miss the new moon and your chance to deliver the letter all on our account.”

The beat of silence that follows is just a touch too long for their usual banter. He turns back to Raven, worried momentarily that he’s run off again and he’ll be on a wild goose chase for the rest of the night, only to find him following attentively behind him. He’s looking at Yuri, expression… totally indecipherable to him for once, actually. It’s a rare occasion for him to have no idea what the old man is thinking.

“What?” he asks, eyebrow quirking. Raven simply smiles, wide and catlike.

“Oh, nothin’ important~” he sing-songs, taking over the lead in the moment Yuri pauses. “Honestly, I could do fine without your concern.”

Yuri scowls.

“Wrong again.” he says, moving to keep pace, their back-and-forth continuing until they arrive back at the inn, and the campfire their party has set up.

(He never does figure out what Raven’s expression had meant on that day, but when he finds the small laburnum branch tangled in his hair alongside the rhododendron the next morning, he quietly stows it away in the bottom of Karol’s bag, heart fluttering strangely in his chest)

-------------⇸

The speed at which Mantaic’s locals manage to throw the party together is honestly quite astounding.

The stalls of the inn concourse have cleared their tables of their wares, already starting to accumulate piles of local cuisine - barely an hour since the news of the Flynn Brigade’s arrival started to spread throughout the town, whispers abandoned in favour of joyous cries despite the extreme early hour, and already there’s a feast to rival one for a noble. People of all ages are wide awake and gleeful, even very young children who don’t fully understand what’s happening squealing with joy at seeing their parents’ and older siblings’ excitement.

The princess tries to help where she can (as always) - shakily carrying huge steaming pots to their directed positions, assisting in dragging tables out of homes to line the streets. Were Flynn not so busy tying up loose ends with the stragglers of the Cumore Brigade, Judith’s sure he’d be dancing around her like a mother hen. Instead, Karol and Rita have become his stand-ins, getting roped into helping themselves albeit minus Estelle’s unshakeable enthusiasm.

She’s glad everything turned out okay in the end. It had been with great unease that they’d all drifted off to sleep the night before, distressed at their powerlessness, their lack of time. Battling with the princess’s impulsivity had been hard, especially in the presence of her big round eyes and quivering lips, but a necessary evil. There really wasn’t anything they could’ve done. Judith remains firm in her belief - it would be impossible to rehabilitate a man like Cumore in jail. Even with the combined influence of Flynn and Estelle, the strength of their idealism and naïveté, a man as corrupt as he would never conform to concepts like morals and ethics. He would only change in death.

The man’s fall from grace, while certainly better than allowing him to run amok, does little to satisfy her in all honesty. The townspeople, however, just seem glad to be free of his clutches, regardless of the flaws in the Empire’s justice system. She can’t blame them really - she’s sure she’d feel the same in their shoes, the ever-lingering threat of death by dehydration or being eaten alive finally lifted from their shoulders.

She’s glad for the lifting of the tense air that had settled over their travelling party the night before. That there’s a smile on Estelle’s face again is good too. For the sake of the guild, nothing more , she scolds herself mentally, quashing the leap in her chest as the baby blues smile in her direction.

She finds herself counted as one of the old souls on this occasion; the small group who are extremely pleased for the turn of events and the freedom of the people, but are either too tired or consider themselves too uninvested to actually lend a hand. Raven is a regular to this group, fucked as his sleeping pattern is, and it doesn't surprise her as much as she thought it would that Patty too sits among them.

Yuri sitting back, however, is new.

Something is off with him. Something has been off with him since… well, certainly since their discovery of Cumore's little scheme. He’s never been the most talkative of their group, a man of relatively few words until it comes to snide jibes and teasing, or else rallying speeches to raise morale or call outs for something he perceives to be an injustice.

(She’d say he was self-righteous - but then, by that same line of thinking, isn’t she also?)

His usual quietude has never felt like this though - dense and oppressive like thunderclouds, holding a tension that, if referred to, threatens to strike like lightning, harsh and quick and painful. It’s possible he’d just slept badly, but she doubts it. She and Yuri are painfully alike at the best of times and in this, it seems, they continue to be.

Yes, for Yuri, the biggest champion of justice among them, to still be so tense, so incredibly on edge… It’s extremely telling.

The only one who seems to have noticed Yuri’s torment other than her (and his faithful pooch) is, of course, Raven. It’s no surprise - he’s always kept a close eye on Yuri, in the time she’s known them. She’d heard tell that the Don had taken an interest in Yuri when he’d met him, in a way usually foreign to him in regards to newcomers. Normally it would be years - years of hard work, of craft and contributions in the name of the guilds, for the man to so much as glance in your direction, let alone learn your name (understandably so for so busy and powerful a man). Yet Yuri had waltzed in and garnered his full attention in the space of a few hours, at best.

That Raven has clearly been instructed to stake him out, in addition to his apatheia hunt, feels natural. Less so is a good chunk of what he actually seems to be observing about Yuri - she’s sure the Don would much rather see a report on his fighting capabilities, his disposition, the flexibility of his morality in a pinch, than whatever he’s gleaning by staring at his back when he takes his shirt off, or watching the flow of his hair in the desert breeze.

(That is, however, a report she would quite like to read, if for nothing more than watching the burn of Raven’s ears at the request)

This morning, however, the eye he keeps on him is careful. Though the ever-present catlike smirk that plays over his lips remains, there’s something considering to his gaze - a scheme in the works but not those of his usual calibre. Nothing designed to rile Rita, fluster Estelle or make the kids laugh (though she’s sure if he can tie his usual goals into whatever he’s concocting then he certainly won’t shy away at the chance).

If she had to guess at his intentions, she’d have thought--

The blaring of a horn throws her suddenly from her train of thought - the celebrations are brought instantly into full swing by a makeshift band of passing guildsmen throwing their own contributions into the mix. Judith doesn’t consider herself a big listener of music, in all honesty, but she’d be hard pressed not to recognise the juxtaposed staccatos and legatos characteristic of Dahngrestian swing - while lesser known within Empire towns like this one, the style is famous the world over.

She hasn’t had many opportunities to join in with the festivities the guilds are known for throwing, where dancers step and twirl faster than the barkeeps can pour drinks (and really, isn’t that an impressive thought, considering the drinking culture in Dahngrest?) She’s bore witness to their local dancing customs only once or twice, and never within the heart of the city itself, and she knows with certainty that while her footwork on the battlefield might be immaculate, she has two left feet for dancing - would certainly never dare to attempt swing. She has great sympathy for the townsfolk who, while enraptured by the melody, feet tapping along jovially, seem as though they don’t know quite what to do with it.

Altosk’s second, on the other hand, is ecstatic. He barks a delighted laugh that startles Patty, almost jostling her from the table she’s perched upon, and finally momentarily draws Yuri from his reverie. She watches, amused, as he throws Yuri’s grumpy, inquisitive look a wink before springing to his feet.

“Hey, kid!” he calls, flagging Karol down as he heads to the middle of the concourse. Their illustrious guild master looks up from the mabo curry bun he’s attempting to swallow whole, wide-eyed. Raven grins, crooked and gummy in a way she’s come to associate with his mischief.

“Why don’t we show these lovely folks how it’s done, as thanks for their hospitality?”

Karol is practically vibrating at the concept. In a flash he’s pulling off his gloves and whipping his bag over his head, dumping the pile in Rita’s lap (eliciting, of course, an incredibly over the top yelp of annoyance). He scarfs down the remnants of the bun as he hops over the table he’s sat at, scampering over to Raven in a manner that does nothing to hide his enthusiasm.

“You better not stand all over my feet, Raven!” he calls as he draws closer, face pulling into a pout that doesn’t quite ring true. The noise Raven makes in response is rather like that of a strangled cat.

“The nerve o’ kids these days!” he bemoans, pinching his sinuses with a shake of his head. “I’ll have you know yours truly is the pride of Altosk! Ya won’t find a better dancer in all o’ Dahngrest, not even the Don himself!”

“Uhu, suuuure. ” Karol drawls, disbelieving, as he comes to a stop by his side.

It’s as he does that Raven ducks his head close to the boy, hand a shield to cover whatever he says. His words are inaudible, but if Karol’s terrible attempts at hiding his furtive glances in Yuri’s direction are anything to go by, Judith would have to guess it’s something about whatever Raven’s scheming for Brave Vesperia’s second.

The band seems to catch wind of their plans, slowing the jaunty tune down to allow the two to begin. Karol dusts his hands off on his trousers bashfully, ridding himself of any remnants of curry, before taking Raven’s hand in his. Their movements start off slow and creeping, almost unnatural to watch, but it quickly becomes apparent to her that they’re motions meant to teach rather than for actual dancing - an enunciated display of footwork for the surrounding beginners as they take their time to get a feel for each other as dance partners.

And then, Raven taking Karol’s waist, they begin in earnest. Movements still slow, but now fluid as water, they begin to turn around one another in the style she vaguely recognises, and while she knows nothing about dancing, it’s clear that they’re extremely good. They match each other's timing perfectly, not a step out of place, and she could believe they were gliding if not for the dust their footsteps kick up.

Karol is good, of course, especially for a kid of his age (she wonders idly if he might’ve had a brief foray in a dancing guild, prior to joining the Hunting Blades), but Raven is really something else. She’s never seen a man able to move his hips in such a way, sashaying in a way that’s frankly a little hypnotising - if she thought he were truly interested in her, then this’d definitely be enough to make her begin to consider his earlier flirtations more seriously. It’s frankly criminal, she thinks, that his trousers and jacket do so much to obscure his ass.

As they become more comfortable, they begin to ramp it up a little - they take it in turns to twirl one another, alternating between wide sweeping arcs, Raven displaying his extreme flexibility to twist beneath Karol’s arm, to fast tight twirls that almost remind her of Rita’s casting motions. For these, Karol spins so quickly she’s surprised he doesn’t completely lose balance and land face first in the dirt. Instead he simply laughs jovially, really getting into the spirit of it and losing himself to the music. Raven’s responding smile is fond, like a father watching their kid, and she could almost believe they’ve both forgotten about their ulterior motives, if not for how Raven keeps glancing in their direction every other time he’s facing their way.

It’s as Estelle drags Rita out to join them, accompanied by a group of the locals, that Judy feels something ugly snare her heart and promptly takes the opportunity to cast a considering glance instead to Patty and Yuri. The smaller is bouncing where she sits, gleefully watching the dancers - she seems antsy to join in, if only she could find a spare partner who wouldn’t accidentally crush her.

Yuri surprises her - while he might not be completely out of his funk, he’s watching more attentively than she previously expected. She gazes at him curiously for a while as he leans his head on his hand, watching the Dahngrestian pair’s increasing frenzy. Karol’s giggles are near constant, and Raven’s been infected by his happiness, laughing obnoxiously himself. The creases of Yuri’s eyes tighten, even as the rest of his face fails to emote, as his eyes seem to lock on Raven’s face and stay there. She smiles.

“Ahem.” she coughs, sharp and decidedly fake. Yuri and Patty both are startled away from the party, turning to her. She raises her eyebrows pointedly at the former, coy smirk rising to her lips. His eyes widen in response, as Patty turns confusedly to look at him, before he flusters, turning away from the party entirely. She laughs.

It’s at that moment that Karol comes spinning towards them, hand freed from Raven’s grasp at last. His smile is blinding, and he’s struggling to catch his breath, but he still seems to be full of energy as Raven follows behind him.

“Patty, you probably know a bit of swing, right?” he asks her, real question thinly veiled by his proffered hand.

She’s a clever lass, though. “Hah! Of course I do, matey!” she declares, grabbing it firmly and pulling him back out into the street.

Raven watches them go fondly, before turning to her. With a flourish, he bows to her, graceful as a knight but with none of the prim and proper charm.

“Judy, my darlin’, could I convince ya to honour ol’ Raven with a dance?”

His eyes never leave hers as he asks, gaze sharp and lacking all pretense of genuine flirting.

Ah, so that’s his game is it?

“Oh no, I couldn’t possibly!” she declares exaggeratedly, hand to her chest. “Not when Yuri so clearly wants to instead!”

The effect is instant. She barely has time to note the twitch of Yuri’s ears at the sound of his name before his head whips around to look at them.

“Hu- what?”

Raven springs back upright, throwing his hand up to clutch at his own chest.

“Yuri, darlin’, if you wanted to dance with me then all you had to do was say so! No need to make Judy do all yer dirty work for ya!”

He closes the gap between them in a matter of steps, as Yuri’s face grows more panicked by the second.

“Wh-- no, what?! Judy, no, I can’t dance , JU--!!”

She smiles as Raven takes him by the hand and tugs him away. Yuri’s expression reminds her of a bunwigle, caught unaware in the middle of the night, backed into a corner with no escape. It’s incredibly endearing, and certainly a nice change from the faux-apathy he’s been stewing in.

As they move away she watches as Raven’s expression transforms from mischievous to something more careful, considerate. He doesn’t guide Yuri to the middle of the crowd as she’d expected, where their friends spin with reckless abandon, but instead to a quieter area of the dancing space. Yuri seems just as confused as she feels, more than likely expecting Raven to have humiliated him with his lack of skill. They’re far enough away that whatever the older man says to reassure him is lost to her, but he smiles and takes Yuri’s hands gently.

Her heart swells at the careful way Raven teaches him, easily pulls him out of his darker thoughts and concentrates his mind on something else. Yuri doesn’t strike her as the sort to let himself be taken care of, but she doubts he even realises that’s what’s happening - probably sees it instead as some sort of challenge. It’s nice. She might not have known him long, but she feels close to him in a way she hasn’t felt with another person for… a good ten years, she’d wager. She’d forgotten what it felt like, to see good things happen to someone you care about.

He trips over Raven’s feet often, but Raven doesn’t let him get self-conscious about it - instead exaggeratedly pretending to trip himself in a way that allows Yuri to chip in and tease him. When there’s one failed attempt too many and Yuri attempts to break away, he simply pulls him back in, closer, and looks him in the eyes.

(She feels a little bad for still watching, personal and intimate as the moment is becoming, but it’s hard to find anything else interesting at this point)

“What is it I always say when I’m fightin’, Yuri?” she can just about hear the old man say over the wail of the trombone.

Yuri’s tone is monotonous, even as his face starts to rise into an affectionate smirk.

“‘Ooo, eee, ow, my back hurts?’” he says, quirked eyebrow a dead giveaway for his bullying. He receives a light slap to his arm for his trouble that leaves him laughing openly in a way she… hasn’t actually seen from him in the time she’s known him.

Huh.

“That it’s just like dancin’, ya dolt!” he says. He laces their fingers carefully before starting to move once more through the basic steps. “You’ll see what I mean before long.”

After a few more failed attempts, Yuri finally starts to figure it out. He still steps on Raven’s toes more often than not, but it’s to be expected for a newbie in the face of a dance as rapid as swing - she’s quite impressed at how fast he’s picked it up in all honesty. He’s already doing a damned sight better than Rita, whose motions are still awkward and stiff as she’s twirled by Estelle (though she looks to be having the time of her life, in spite of it).

They look very sweet together, in all honesty. It’s the most she’s seen either of them relax in front of other people - Yuri’s snark is quickly abandoned as he starts to really get into the swing of it, and most of Raven’s jokes and teasing go along with it. They’re just a couple of normal guys in their own little world, dancing together beneath the rising sun, looking genuinely happy for once. Watching them laughing together, she finds her own spirits raised too, even as she continues to sit to one side like a wallflower.

And she’s glad she did. If she hadn’t, she’d have missed out on this potentially one-time-only sight of Yuri’s carefree smile. Would’ve never seen the sudden change in Yuri’s demeanor as he looks up at Raven mid-spin, eyes widening, before his expression becomes suddenly raw.

He’s not watching his feet at all any more - he’s just going with the flow, and reading Raven’s movements and they’re incredibly in sync to say Yuri has all of 10 minutes of experience. It’s strange to think it, but he seems to be having fun , doing something other than fighting, even despite his mess ups.  Yuri’s uncharacteristically crooked smile, as his eyes never leave Raven’s, is blindingly beautiful, and piques her curiosity.

Before today, when she’d seen the admiring glances the Raven had sent his way, she’d have thought he was barking up the completely wrong tree. Now though (although she doubts Yuri’s realised the way he’s starting to look at the old man) she’s really not so sure.

Then the moment is gone.

Behind her, she hears him. Flynn, barking orders to his brigade, accompanied by the protests of the now-bound followers of Cumore. And in that exact instant, Yuri stops stock-still. Raven goes crashing into him, frantically apologising and trying to check he’s okay, but it’s as though he isn’t there. Yuri just stares past her to Flynn, eyes wide and unseeing but… terrified , if she had to take a guess.

She can hear Raven call to him as he slips his hands free from his grip, and he looks up glancingly. He mutters something, what she can only imagine is some excuse, or a few words of apology, before he’s stalking off towards the inn and shutting the door behind him briskly.

Raven, standing alone and off to one side, looks very small in that instant. Like he doesn’t know quite where he went wrong, what he could’ve possibly done differently.

Perhaps, just this once, she can take pity on him. After all, if there’s anyone who can fix her left feet…

Standing and smoothing down her skirts, she heads over to him, taking his hand, and he startles. His big blue eyes look up at her, puppy-like, and it’s like Estelle the night before all over again. She sighs, already regretting her question before she asks.

“Is the offer still open?”

He smiles. Solemn. But it’s a start.

me, age 12: haha yeah raven blatantly has a thing for yuri and i love them together, but i guess there isn't much to imply yuri likes him back huh me, age 24, seeing the 'Happy Birthday' skit for the first time and learning the Very Specific Age Gap between Yuri and his first ever crush: a

ftr no one in the vesperia party is cishet no i will not take questions

#tales of vesperia #vesperia #tov #yuri lowell #raven #raven of altosk #yuraven #yuri/raven #reiyuri #karol capel #rita mordio #estellise sidos heurassein #judith #patty fleur #flynn scifo #hanks vesperia #fanfiction #fanfic #my writing #my art #jic it isn't immediatelly apparent #scene 1 is after they save estelle + scene 2 goes back to keiv moc #and then goes chronologically from there #they're in love your honour and i'm going to show you how that happened in this 20 part several thousand word fanfic-- #also just a heads up this WILL have sm*t in the future so minors maybe do not interact #(and DEFINITELY do not when it gets to the sm*t in question) #i'll post a link to this on ao3 in the reblogs if that's more your thing!!

[momowho34]

Pov: you’re the oldest prince of a newly formed nation and a skilled general and you show up to reconvene your forces with your father in a valley just outside of Bethlehem. and hear that someone around your age managed to beat a giant from the enemy’s side so you seek him out and as soon as the two of you lock eyes your souls are forever connected and interlocked, you suddenly know you were always meant to be together, it is the definition of love at first sight. You and your new “friend” go on a campaign together and you figure out he’s a great warrior just like you, and that he’s so amazing that people start singing songs about him instead of you or your father the king, but you don’t care, you didn’t ever really like the attention anyway and it’s amazing to see your crush happy. But soon your father betroths him to your younger sister, and you can tell she’s head over heels for him, they would be a good match and she’s just so happy that you step down, you never tell him how you really feel because it’s better this way, you can still be best friends with him and it’s enough, it’s enough to just be around him even if it could never happen the way you wish it could. They get married and it’s a wonderful affair that’s very joyous (you don’t know this, but even though your crush is happy, he can’t help but feel... something else. He wanted to marry your sister and she’s a wonderful person, but does he really love her? Why does he still feel like there’s something.... missing?) and happy, you get on with your life and try to move on, focus on something else to let him have his special moment, to get away from the bitter agony.

But then one day he shows up frantic and terrified, he tells you that your father sent for him to be executed, and that only with the help of your sister was he able to get away. He understands if you would give him up, but he begs you to kill him instead, because he doesn’t want the end that the king plans for him. You would never do that, you would never give him up that way, but you just can’t believe it! Surely it’s a mistake, you think. Surely your father would never do that. You tell your best friend to hide, that you’ll go ask your father about this and sort it all out. At dinner that night you make up a story that you let your best friend go home for the weekend and that’s why he’s not here. But your father flies into a rage in front of everyone, he condemns your best friend to death but gives no reason. You ask why, you demand it, and then... he raises his spear as if to kill you. You get out of the way of the lethal strike and he seems to gain some sense of sanity, but orders you out. You storm away in anger and fear, you find your best friend behind a tree under the stars that night, you apologize for doubting him. Your father isn’t himself anymore, you provide your best friend with provisions and tell him that his only chance is to make a run for it. This is treason, he says, helping him is treason, but you don’t care. You would rather be a traitor then let him die. He tells you that he loves you, and you smile because you’ve always known that, somehow, deep in your mind, he’s always loved you back. I’ll do what I have to, you say, but in my heart I’ll wait for you. When this is over you will be king, like in the songs, we will be kings and rule together, his city will be ours and we will be happy.” You make an oath to stand by each other before he steals into the night, and despite your bold words you fear this will be the last time you ever see eachother.

He was right in the end, your father finds out and you’re branded a traitor, one of your brothers will take the throne. You don’t care. He’s safe, and that’s the only thing that matters. Everybody knows that your fathers grip on the kingdom is slipping away, and he lets you keep fighting in his army because you’re too skilled a tactician to waste. You die with him in a battle against sworn enemies, and your lover isn’t there to see it. When he hears he is inconsolable for weeks, if only he had understood sooner, if only he could have seen you again. He never forgets you, he sings at your funeral. It is years until the dynasty of your father is brought to its knees. Many long years, but it happens, and one day your lover strolls through the gates and is greeted by cheering townspeople, people who want to go and make him king. He’s older now, he has children and a family to care for. When he is king he will adopt your only child as his own despite the fact that this child should be a threat to his power. He seats the boy among his own sons and cares for him all his days, because of his loyalty to you. But back on that day when he walks into the city where he is to be king, as he walks to the palace where you once sparred, he hears the trumpets and the gallantry and festivities, and he sits in that palace that once belonged to the both of you and thinks “I made it, my love. We made it. The crown is mine now, I just wish you were here to see it. You will not be forgotten, Jonathan. I love you.”

(Props if you can tell what this is from just from reading it. Read Samuel 1 and 2, I cried.)

#bible #bible stories #torah #torah stories #queer jews #gay jews #jews and judaism #queer judaism #angst #king David #it’s king David and his first love jonathan #that’s what this is #I may have embellished the end #not the part about David adopting Jonathan’s kid #but the very last part #but this still actually happens in the canon text #I cried #way to give in to the bury your gays trope #bible!!! #damn you for making me cry #:( #writing prompt #writing prompts

[acesydneysage]

A Sydney and Eddie retrospective

@vablappreciationweek Favorite familial relationship: The Melrose Twins

Part 2, Books 4-6: The Heartbreaking Trilogy, Why Are You Doing This To Me This Is So Sad

Part 1 here

In The Fiery Heart, Sydney and Eddie definitely already love each othe like siblings. By the end of the book they prove that in the most painful way possible, but let's ge through some cuteness first while I steel my heart.

We get Adrian's perspective on this book, so it's nice to see Eddie talking about Sydney when she isn't around:

“Because it’s Sydney,”said Eddie from the backseat. In the rearview mirror, I could see an easy smile on his face, though there was a perpetual sharpness in his eyes as he scanned the world for danger. He and Neil had been trained by the guardians, the dhampir organization of badasses that protected the Moroi. “Giving one hundred percent to a task is slacking for her.”

When Sydney wants to soften Zoe's extreme opinions on vampires, she picks Eddie to be Zoe's driving instructor because she wants "someone approachable and friendly who’d show her not all dhampirs were evil creatures of the night."

When Sydney is being a sappy romantic and describes what love is to the group, Eddie is the one who lingers looking at her the longest, he can tell something is different about her. They really know each other by now. When Eddie let's Zoe drive outside of the parking lot, he knows Sydney so well that he knows what she's going to say, and what to say to make it better:

“I can’t believe Eddie of all people would do that. It’s irresponsible.”She nodded. “He said you’d say that and that I should tell you, ‘At least it wasn’t Angeline.’”I couldn’t help it. I laughed at that. “That’s true. He does have limits.”

Later when she tells Zoe frivolity might not be such a bad thing, they have a sweet little moment:

“Sometimes frivolity isn’t a bad thing.” Eddie, who didn’t seem put out about the dance, grinned. “Sydney, when we first met, I never would’ve thought those words could come out of your mouth. What happened to you?” Everything, I thought. I met his grin with one of my own. “We all need some fun. We should forget that dance and go out and see a movie that night. When was the last time we all did that?”“I think the answer is ‘never,’” said Jill.

When Neil comes up with his crazy plan to test the Stigoi vaccine, Eddie is very shaken up by the similarities to the event in Spokane that lead to Mason's death. While Sydney thinks that "if Eddie was involved, one Strigoi seemed feasible", what finally convinces Eddie to go is her magic. Although Neil puts her on the spot, she does ultimately make the choice to trust him with this dangerous knowledge about her:

Eddie wasn’t swayed, and there was a look on his face I’d never seen before. “I’m not denying the principles, but it’s too dangerous. And not just to you. I did something like this once . . .” A pain so intense that it tore at my heart crossed Eddie’s features. “Me and some friends. We thought we could take on Strigoi . . . and my best friend ended up dead. No matter how prepared you think you are, even against only one, the unexpected can happen.” [...] The more this got out, the more trouble I was in. And yet, as I looked into Eddie’s steady gaze, I was reminded of our friendship and all we’d been through. In a world of secrets and lies, there were few I could thoroughly trust anymore, but I knew then, without a doubt, that Eddie was one I could. Taking a deep breath, hoping I wasn’t being a fool, I held out my hand. A nervous glance around confirmed we were alone, and I brought forth a spark of fire in my palm that soon grew into the size of a tennis ball. Eddie leaned over and gasped, the orange flames reflecting off his face. “Maybe . . . maybe our odds have gotten better,” he said.

During the fight with the Strigoi they go after, we get a little more about their similarities, how they're both so dedicated to helping others, and they both seriously admire each other so much. You get a bit of that from Sydney's perspective,and how much she cares about Eddie:

I knew what agony Eddie had to be in because I shared it. We both wanted to help Neil. Doing nothing, even for a handful of seconds, went against every part of our beings. [...] For his part, Eddie was magnificent. It had been a while since I’d seen him fight, and I’d nearly forgotten that the adopted brother I joked and ate lunch with was a lethal warrior. [...] I had to act. I couldn’t just stand by and let Eddie be annihilated, not if there was anything I could do.

After the fight, Sydney is caught up in the euphoria of surviving a near death experience, and she makes pretty much zero effort to hide her relationship with Adrian from Eddie:

As soon as I was on the road with Eddie and Jill, I told them, “I need to see Adrian. Drop me off and take my car. He’ll give me a ride back.” Eddie looked totally surprised by that. “Why do you need to see him?” “I just do.” I didn’t feel like attempting an excuse, and Eddie wasn’t the type to badger me. The most I got was a curious look when we reached the apartment. His curiosity turned to panic when he realized I’d be leaving him alone with Jill. “Good luck,”I said as I got out, not entirely sure who needed it the most.

When Eddie figures out that they're together she tries to avoid the conversation, expecting condemnation, but he's very supportive. This is the last conversation they have before everything falls apart, and everything I tried to remove to shorten it felt like an important character moment, but the most relevant parts are bolded:

“Sydney . . .”Eddie’s light mood vanished, and even with my eyes on the road, his tone tipped me off that something serious was about to happen. “About that. About you going to Adrian’s . . .”I felt a tightening of my throat and couldn’t answer immediately. “Don’t talk about that,” I said. “Please.” “No, we need to.” Eddie knew. Eddie knew, and if the subject wasn’t so dire, I would’ve laughed. He was oblivious to his own social affairs, but guardians were trained to watch and observe. Eddie did that, and no doubt he’d picked up all sorts of little things between Adrian and me. We tried so hard to hide from the Alchemists, but hiding from our friends, who knew us and loved us, was impossible. “Are you going to lecture me?” I asked stiffly. “Tell me I’m breaking taboos that have been in place for centuries to preserve the purity of our races?” “What?” He was aghast. “No, of course not.” I dared a look. “What do you mean ‘of course not’?” “Sydney, I’m your friend. I’m his friend. I’d never judge you, and I’d certainly never condemn you.” “A lot of people think what we’re doing is wrong.” It felt strange and oddly relieving to acknowledge my relationship with Adrian to another person. “Well, I’m not one of them. If you guys want it . . . that’s your business.” “Everyone’s suddenly very liberal about this,” I said with wonder. “I just heard a similar thing from Trey and Angeline—about their own relationship, that is. Not about . . . other people’s.” “I think my ill-fated time with Angeline may be part of it,” he said, with more humor than I expected, considering she’d cheated on him. “She talked enough about her people that after a while, it didn’t seem that weird. And, well, my race exists because humans and Moroi got together and had kids way back when.”I felt a smile start to grow on my lips. “Adrian says it wouldn’t be fair to the world if he and I had kids, what with the overwhelming power of our collective charm, brains, and good looks.” Eddie laughed outright, not something I heard very often, and I found myself laughing too. “Yeah, I can see him saying something like that. And that’s the thing, I think . . . the real reason I’m not that weirded out by you two. It goes against all sound logic, but somehow, you two together . . . it just works.” “‘Against all sound logic,’” I repeated. “Isn’t that the truth.” A little of his amusement faded. “But that’s not what worries me. Or the morality of it. It’s your own people I’m worried about. How long are you going to be able to go on like this?” I sighed as I took the exit for the meeting spot. “As long as the center holds.”

Eddie thinks Sydney and Adrian make sense. Obviously I agree that they absolutely do, but on a surface level it doesn't look like it. You have to know them and have a better understanding of their personalities to figure out how they actually fit together. What he's worried about is the Alchemists. Of course, by this point, since the ending of TFH is a sadistically drawn out torture, we already know from the ending of the last chapter that she's about to be captured.

I made it the door first... and found Eddie. His clothes were dirty and torn, and the right side of his face was swollen and red. There was a wild, half-crazed look in his eyes I’d never seen before. A feeling of dread settled over me, and the darkness and despair and fear that had left me alone for so long began to rear their collective ugly head. I knew, even without Eddie saying a word, what had to have happened. I knew because of that terrible look of pain on his face, a pain similar to when he hadn’t been able to save Mason. [...] “Adrian,” he gasped out. “I tried, I tried. There were too many. I couldn’t stop them.” He came forward and gripped my arm. “I tried, but they took her. It was a setup. I don’t know where she is. She tricked me, damn it! I never would have left her if she hadn’t tricked me!”

When they figure out it's a trap and he tells her to run, her first instinct was that she couldn't leave him behind. When they're running together through the woods the Alchemists start shooting at Eddie, specifically. He's running at Sydney's pace and she knows he would never leave her, the he would die to save her. And she knows she could not let him die.

Eddie won’t leave me, I thought frantically. He’ll never leave me. They want me, but they don’t care about him. He can live or die, and it won’t matter to them. But if he’s what’s keeping them away, they’ll shoot him and destroy his body. “Eddie,”I said, panting. “We need to split up.” “Never.” That answer wasn’t a surprise. What was a surprise was that out of all the things rattling around in my mind, Abe Mazur’s words popped up in the forefront:. Don’t think for an instant that I wouldn’t do terrible, unspeakable things if it could save someone I love. Because it was Abe, I’d naturally assumed he was talking about doing terrible, unspeakable things to other people. But as Eddie and I held on to each other, the words took on a whole different meaning. In that moment, I knew I would do anything to save Eddie—my friend—whom I loved. Even if it meant doing something terrible and unspeakable to myself.

The first thing established in the first paragraph of Bloodlines is that re-education is Sydney's greatest fear, literally her worst nightmare. But she faces that, she walks right back and turns herself in in order to keep Eddie safe. She tricks him into spliting up by claiming that it's part of a spell, and he believes her because he's seen her do extraordinary things.

“I tried,” he whispered. “Adrian, I tried. I never would have ever left her if I’d known. I would have stayed with her to the end. I would have laid down my life and—” I had to forcibly hit the pause button on my own feelings as I dealt with his. Eddie had lost another person. It was bad luck, that was all. He was one of the most badass , capable guardians out there, but he couldn’t believe that about himself, not when he kept seeing these failures laid at his feet. Looking into his eyes, I recognized the intense self-loathing consuming him. I knew the feeling well because I was carrying around a fair amount of it myself. “I know you would have,” I said. “There was nothing you could do.” He shook his head and stared off with a haunted look. “I was an idiot. I never should’ve bought into that spell stuff. After what I’d seen her do with fire, it just seemed so . . . well, real. I believed her. It made sense.” I smiled without humor. “Because that’s what she does. She’s trained to make people believe things. And outsmart them. You didn’t have a chance.” She also was willing to trade her own life to save her friend’s, but no one had trained her to do that. It was just something within her. Eddie wasn’t going to be swayed so easily, and I left him to his grief as I huddled with mine.

When Sydney's captured, Eddie feels like he failed her, just as he'd failed Mason in Spokane, and Jill when the rebels killed her. But still, he has faith in her, that she can hold on to herself:

“How much can they really change her, though?” asked Eddie. “I mean . . . she’s Sydney. She’ll be the same . . . right? She can fight them.”

In Silver Shadows,Sydney is in re-education, and she still finds it in her to be worried about her friends on the outside. Eddie's humiliation and guilt over having lost Sydney killed the kindling romance he had with Jill. There isn't much he can do to help find her at this point.

Once they find a lead on where she is, going to her rescue is very important to Eddie, but he also feels conflicted about leaving Jill with less protection. When the time comes, Jill convinces them to take Eddie because he needed to be part of her rescue, he'd been consumed by guilt this whole time, and that might be the only thing that would allow him to feel redeemed.

With some urging from Jill, he leaves her behind, and goes off to break into a prison again, to rescue a much worthier prisoner this time. After getting mostof the prisoners out, Eddie and Adrian go back into the burning building to get Sydney and the remaining people. After they bring her out to freedom, they have this moment where they hold each other and cry, it always makes me so emotional:

Eddie came last, and as we sized each other up, the tears hovering in my eyes finally spilled. “Eddie, I’m so sorry I lied to you that night.” He shook his head and pulled me to him. I heard tears choke up his voice. “I’m sorry I couldn’t stop them. I’m sorry I wasn’t protection enough.” “Oh, Eddie,” I said, sniffling. “You’re the best protection. No one could have a better guardian than you. Or a better friend.”

I hope Eddie did feel redeemed, because Sydney pretty much immediately tricks him, and gives him the slip again. She does take the time to try to nudge his love life again first. Then she goes off with Adrian, going against the plan, because she thinks the other fugitives will be safer without her.

"Eddie shot me one last parting smile that nearly choked me up again." “I never thought I’d see Castile brought to tears,” said Adrian as he started up the Mustang. “This really hit him hard. Hell, it hit all of us hard, but he really beat himself up for it. He never forgave himself for you giving him the slip.” “Let’s hope he can,” I said, putting my seatbelt on. “Because it’s about to happen again. We aren’t meeting them at the safe house.”

Eddie was furious about this, but at least this time she didn't get captured. And soon enough he had something else to feel bad about, since Jill went missing right after he got back to her. She disppeared without a trace in the middle of the night, and there's another failure laid at Eddie's feet.

He's not in a great state in the beginning of The Ruby Circle:

Eddie appeared in the doorway. Seeing him almost always brought a smile to my face. In Palm Springs, we’d passed ourselves off as twins, sharing similar dark blond hair and brown eyes. But over time, he’d truly come to feel like a brother to me. I knew few others with such courage and loyalty. I was proud to call him my friend, and as such, it hurt me to see all the pain he felt over Jill’s disappearance. There was always a haunted look about him now, and sometimes I worried whether he was really taking care of himself. He hardly ever shaved anymore, and I had a feeling the only reason he bothered eating was so that he could keep training and stay in shape for when he located Jill’s abductors.

Sydney isn't doing all that great either, stuck in a hostile environment while she deals with her trauma and worries about Jill. When Sydney and Eddie sneak out of court to look for Jill, the power of Raptorbot can make him smile:

“It couldn’t have been that unexpected,” I argued. “I mean, why did he build a dinosaur body for her? Why not something more human? Or at least a more friendly animal?” “Because then there wouldn’t have been much of a movie,” said Eddie. “There’s still got to be a plausible backstory …” I said. A wry smile crossed Eddie’s features, and although the entire topic was absurd, I realized I’d hardly ever seen anything but a grim expression on his face since Jill had been taken. “I don’t think you can really sit down with a movie called Raptorbot Rampage and expect a plausible backstory,” he said. The attendant looked offended. “What are you suggesting? It was a fine piece of film. When the sequel comes out, people will be lined up out the doors to see this exhibit!” “Sequel?” Eddie and I asked in unison.

I love it when the twins talkin unison, even if they probably had opposite tones. And I really love Eddie being a fan of Raptorbot I'm sorry. He and Declan have matching Raptorbot pajamas, you can't change my mind. This is another exchange that screams siblings to me:

“We were probably his only customers today,” I remarked. “That’ll make us memorable—that and having someone who’s actually seen and liked Raptorbot Rampage.” “Hey,” warned Eddie. “Don’t judge until you’ve watched it.”

Later Sydney tries to tease him about it again, but he's focused on the search so his good humor doesn't come back. I think it's very sweet thet she saw something that had made him momentarily happy through the pain, and tried to press that button again.

Eddie is understandably very protective throughout this book. It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you, they actually run into Sydney's family, while they're trying to stay off the Alchemists' radar:

“Then get out of here. Hurry—before he comes out. Both of you.” I was stunned at this complete reversal in her behavior, but Eddie didn’t need to be told twice. He took hold of my arm and nearly dragged me to the car. “We’re going—now,” he ordered. I caught one last glimpse of Zoe before Eddie shoved me in the car, where Ms. Terwilliger sat waiting for us. A thousand emotions played over Zoe’s face as we peeled out, but I could only interpret a few. Sadness. Longing. As we quickly got back on the road, I found myself shaking. Eddie was driving and kept anxiously checking the rearview mirror. “No sign of pursuit,” he said. “She must not have been able to see which direction we went to tell him.” I slowly shook my head. “No … she didn’t tell him at all. She helped us.” “Sydney,” said Eddie, in a stern-but-trying-to-sound-kind voice, “she’s the one who turned you in the first time! The one who started that whole re-education nightmare.”

He doesn't really belive that Zoe had a change of heart, and he tries to be so gentle with Sydney, while anxiously trying to get her away.

With how sad he is in this TRC (he even has broody beard to show it), the bits where he gets excited about things are really adorable. He's very enthusiastic about meeting Malachi Wolfe:

“Are the Chihuahuas really trained to attack?” he asked. I couldn’t help but grin. “That’s what Wolfe claims. We’ve never seen them in action, though.” “I can’t wait to see his nunchucks.” “Do not touch them,” I warned. “Or any weapon, without permission. If he approves of you, he might lend you something too.” [...] “Oh, man,” breathed Eddie. “There really is a herd of them.” I’d seen Eddie fearlessly face down an attacking Strigoi, but he took an uneasy step back at the sound of the canine charge. I grinned and turned toward the door, waiting for Malachi Wolfe himself to answer.

There's a lot of hugging after Sydney leaves re-education. Sydney and Eddie hug a lot, but just in general. Good for her it's what she deserves. "“Eddie,” Sydney exclaimed, running to give him a hug. He grinned back. “You guys okay?” "

When Sydney and Eddie are preparing to infiltrate the Warriors of Light as recruits, she gets a super strength spell while he gets super excited about it, and they have the cutest arm wrestle in history:

“And how much stronger?” asked Eddie eagerly. “Like lift-up-a-car stronger?” Maude smiled. “Sorry to disappoint, but no. [...]” She glanced between Eddie and Sydney speculatively, her smile growing. “I’d say you’re strong enough to hold your own with a dhampir in an arm wrestling match.” “I would kind of love to see that,” I admitted. Eddie’s face said he would as well. Sydney groaned. “Really? That’s so barbaric.” Eddie leaned over and propped his arm up on the table that had previously held the canteen. “Come on, Mrs. Ivashkov. Let’s do this. Besides, if you’re squeamish about arm wrestling, how are you going to handle going head-to-head with the Warriors?” [...] Ultimately, Eddie pushed his strength to its limit and finally defeated her, but not without her holding her own for a while. I held up her arm triumphantly, like a victor at a boxing match. “My wife, ladies and gentlemen. Beauty, brains, and now brawn.” “Awesome,” said Eddie, in a rare moment of delight.

He's really excited about human magic in general, such an adorable nerd. And again, they really do admire each other so much. Following Sydney's blackmailing the Alchemists: "I hung up, and Eddie regarded me with awe. “That was pretty badass. But do you actually think it’ll work?”"

In the epilogue, Eddie pulled strings to live with Sydney and Adrian as a Guardian, and he's one of the people who's in on Declan's secret. He even chooses to sleepin Declan's room.

I sprinted out of the room and up the stairs, to the bedroom that doubled as both a nursery and Eddie’s room. I had high enough royal rank to finally be assigned my own guardian, and Eddie, in that noble way of his, had pulled strings to be assigned to us. I’d initially protested because I wanted him to stay at Court and have a semi-normal dating life with Jill. Eddie, however, felt obligated to be with us—both out of friendship to Sydney and me and for all the times Neil had helped him. We’d offered to turn the house’s small study into Eddie’s own bedroom, but he always ended up sleeping in Declan’s room anyway.

I'm really glad they didn't get separated by the end, it always makes me happy to think about them living together.

#Rapha's Bloodlines Tag #sydney sage #eddie castile #bloodlines series #vampire academy #melrose twins #va #bloodlines #vablappreciationweek #I think I'm late even in Honolulu #I'm incapable of keeping things short and simple #my outline for both these posts had one sentence per book

[ofstarsandfireflies]

This one hit a little too close to home for me.

It’s such an enchanting and beautiful story, one I haven’t been able to get out of my head these past few months.

It’s helped me a lot.

He’d been too young when he’d lost his parents, and had barely known nor remembered the carers who had taken him in before they had passed on too.

Now he had been living with his Aunt for eleven years of his life, and had known she had only done so because she was getting paid to keep him for three.

She didn’t really want him.

And how could he blame her?

Everyone who had ever wanted him had died.

Aunt May was kind, energetic, the kind of person he would usually get along great with, had gotten along great with her until he’d found that letter and cheque.

And his mood had changed.

His personality.

She just thought it was a teenage thing.

But when Peter became far too quiet to the point he wouldn’t even talk to her, she decided to take action, and sent Peter to live with her friend, Virginia Potts, thinking a change of scenery was just the thing to perk her nephew back up again.

Peter was very formal when speaking with Miss Potts, but she insisted he call her Pepper, like all of her friends used to.

Peter just nodded, feeling a little awkward and wanting to get away and explore his environment.

Pepper didn’t mind his awkwardness at all, and thought it was a good idea for him to get used to the country.

It was while he was exploring, he came across a beautifully built mansion.

He could have sworn he’d seen this place before, it looked so familiar to him.

But when he went to see if anyone lived there at all, he found the rooms empty, and what little remained in the place covered by sheets and dust.

By the time he had given up trying to find a way into the home, the day had become night and he had to find his way back to Pepper’s house.

He tried asking her about the mansion, but she just got a sad look on her face and told him she didn’t want to talk about it, which just made him all the more curious.

His curiosity must have carried over in his sleep because his dreams were haunted by that place, and by a boy who apparently lived there.

It was weirder still when Peter went to check on the mansion again a few nights later and found the boy he had dreamed of was now living in it.

Peter couldn’t believe it. It was almost like magic.

He’d never seen this boy in his life, yet he’d somehow conjured him into existence.

And when the boy introduced himself as Stephen, Peter couldn’t explain how he’d known that to be his name before he’d even spoken it.

They became fast friends, a friend unlike anyone Peter had ever known, and they met every night to talk and and play together.

And then one night, there was a party at the house.

Peter felt out of place amongst the glamorous guests.

But they all paled in comparison when a young man asked Stephen to dance.

They looked happy together, Stephen’s smile as wide as he’d ever seen it.

That’s when Stephen introduced Tony Stark to him as his friend, and Peter could tell Tony meant a great deal more to him than just a friend.

Peter was just a friend.

There was something between those two that he caught a glimpse of whenever Tony would look at Stephen when he wasn’t watching, or in the way Stephen’s voice became that much softer around him.

He knew Stephen had a special place in Tony’s heart, and Tony in Stephen’s.

And Peter felt privileged just to see it.

But it was the day after the party when Peter ran back to the house to see his friend that he found it exactly as the first time he had come across it.

Empty and dusty, as if no living soul had disturbed it for years.

He tried again everyday and night for a week, but he was greeted every time with nothing.

Had he imagined it all?

Was he so desperate for company he’d created these characters who loved one another so wholly, as he had never been?

No one cared about him, or loved him enough to stay with him.

His parents hadn’t stayed, his first carers hadn’t stayed, and now May had sent him away because she didn’t want to stay either.

That’s why he was here.

He’d live with Pepper until she grew sick of him and passed him off to the next unlucky soul who wouldn’t want him.

And then, almost a month from the night of the party, he finally saw Stephen and Tony again.

Although, this time, Stephen seemed a little confused as to who Peter was.

He kept calling him Tony, and while Peter did think they looked somewhat alike and would have brushed it off as a compliment, he had to keep reminding Stephen that he was Peter.

Stephen would look at him and either keep calling him Tony or snap out of it only to forget all over again.

He never called Tony by any other name than his own, which Peter found rather odd.

But worst of all was when Stephen and Tony wandered together and they both refused to answer Peter’s calls to them.

Anything could happen to them, but the more he ran about looking for them, calling for them only to be met with silence...it was like he’d been abandoned all over again.

He was hurt, angry and upset with himself for letting someone close enough to hurt him again.

He’d thought they were friends.

He’d thought they wouldn’t abandon him like everyone else.

He wouldn’t forgive them, no matter what.

It was that night he dreamed of that mansion again, Stephen at the window calling out to him to hear his words and forgive him for leaving him.

How he hadn’t wanted to leave him.

But now he had to say goodbye.

And all he wanted from Peter was his forgiveness before he was pulled away again.

And Peter forgave him.

He forgave them both.

Because he loved them.

The next day, as Peter was packing his bags, Pepper called him down to the living room.

She asked him why she had heard him calling out the names of Tony and Stephen last night as if expecting them to answer.

Peter didn’t know how to explain he’d befriended two people who didn’t exist, but before he could come up with an excuse, he noticed how Pepper was trying to hold back her tears as she handed him a photograph, and finally told him about the mansion and it’s previous occupants.

Two men, a happy couple and dear friends of hers.

She told him how Tony had bought the house Stephen had been raised in.

She told him how they had decided to adopt a young boy and raise him together.

And she told him how happy they had all been right up until Tony’s passing, and how Stephen hadn’t been able to cope without him.

Stephen had tried to raise the boy on his own, but he later died of a broken heart, leaving the young child to be taken in by May.

Pepper looked over at Peter, who didn’t seem upset at all.

He looked calm, happy, as he gazed down at the photograph of the two men and his toddler self.

He’d forgotten all about them and the small amount of time they’d all had together.

They had taken him in.

They hadn’t meant to leave him, they had loved him.

He asked Pepper if he could have the photo and she obliged.

He’d frame it when he got back home to remind himself that he wasn’t as unwanted as he’d thought he was.

Quotes-

“Are you okay?”

“Um, yeah...good...are you...Are you real?”

“Wait! Shh! Let’s not have anyone hear us.”

“In my dreams, I saw a girl just like you.”

“Dreams? Hm.”

Peter meeting Stephen for the first time.

“And who was he?”

“Who was who?”

“The one I saw you dancing with.”

“Ah! Kazuhiko? He’s an old friend of mine.”

Peter knows better than that.

“Are you okay, Marnie?”

“Yes, I’m okay. I’ll be fine as long as I’m with you. Kazuhiko.”

“Huh? I...um...”

Stephen starting to fade.

“Oh, Anna, forgive me. Anna, I cannot stay here any longer. I have to say goodbye to you. So please, Anna, I need to hear that you forgive me. Please forgive me....Please Anna..”

“Of course I forgive you Marnie! I love you. I love you! And I won’t ever forget you!”

Stephen’s farewell.

What We Leave Behind

Peter befriends two boys the same age as him, only to discover they are far more important to him than he realises.

January, February

Missed a Day? Catch up here!

Day 1 Day 2 Day 3 Day 4 Day 5

Day 6 Day 7 Day 8 Day 9 Day 10

Day 11 Day 12 Day 13 Day 14

#ironstrange #strangeiron #osaf’s movie night

[yubsie]

Hand Me Downs

Breha gives Hera baby gifts. Which means she can pass them on to Leia for her child. (AO3 if you prefer)

No one had warned Hera that being a high-ranking member of the Rebel Alliance was going to involve ruffles. She was prepared for overwhelming odds, to risk her life against an enemy who gave no mercy. And in the early days, that was exactly what she got. A lot of sneaking around and flying and getting shot at and  wearing a flightsuit . Then she’d worked her way up through the ranks and found herself having to attend formal dinner parties that covered for high-ranking strategy sessions. The perils of being a general.

If she had a choice, she would have gone for formalwear with a bit of slink to it. But her rapidly expanding midsection didn’t lend itself well to that at all. The only dress she’d been able to find in... whatever her current size was took the philosophy that the bump could just blend in with the rest of the floof. Her attendance in her condition would surely fuel all sorts of gossip about her and the man Breha had chosen to sit her next to. Gossip was useful; it meant that everyone was speculating about her personal life instead of what they might actually be discussing. The trouble was it also meant they were speculating about her personal life and the child who hadn’t volunteered for this. It wasn’t even the worst thing to happen this week, but it felt so incredibly alien.

She wished she could talk to Kanan about it. He would have delivered some sort of over-the-top compliment. And then Ezra would have somehow still not noticed. At least she could still hope to explain to a very baffled Ezra where her child had come from.

But neither of them were here. Now she had the new constant figures of her life: Mon Mothma and the Organas. She trusted the high-ranking members of the Alliance; it would be disastrous if she couldn’t. She even liked them quite a bit. They were good people. Friends, even. They just weren’t family, and she wanted so much of that around right now.

Her glass represented their current target in the makeshift map they were drawing up on the dinner table. The fact that she was the only one currently restricted to water set it apart conveniently from the wine glasses representing rebel units. She tapped Bail’s glass. “If we bring the demolitions team in from the west, they’ll have the sanitation droids as cover.” Sabine would be thrilled, she was sure. Garbage had so much artistic merit.

Mon Mothma nodded. “And that will help minimize the collateral damage to the surrounding citizens.”

Ierlin Allston, head of their fledgling public relations department, nodded. “The benefits of that are pretty obvious.”

They probably didn’t need to consider it from the public image perspective. It was enough that it was right. But it was still a useful angle. Anything to win hearts and minds over in the fight against the Empire. While also winning key weapons factories. They had a solid plan that was sure to go out the window and require extensive improvisation, but at least they had something to build on now.

It was also as far as the plan could possibly go before that first engagement with the enemy. They were still waiting on several key intelligence reports Mon Mothma had hoped they would have in time for this session. There hadn’t been a way to postpone the dinner party that wouldn’t attract suspicion when the information. So they would have to fill the remainder of the dinner party with actual dinner party activity. Definitely not Hera’s specialty, that was more for those who had come here from the senatorial side of things.

“General Syndulla, a word?” She didn’t actually know enough about the etiquette of these sorts of parties to know if it was unusual for Breha to break away from her carefully balanced seating arrangement. They’d eaten most of the courses at this point, so perhaps mingling was entirely normal.

At any rate, when the Queen of Alderaan requested a word, one gave a word. She didn’t need to know anything about royal etiquette to realize that much. “Yes, of course.” How was she supposed to address her? They were on friendly terms, and in a flightsuit she would probably address her by name without a second thought. She really was out of her element in all these bolts of fabric. Who had bought out the store to construct this ridiculous dress? “Your Majesty?”

The queen smiled. “It can still be Breha.” She paused. “This is absolutely a personal interaction.”

Hera had almost forgotten what those felt like in recent months. They were always for family, but even the ones she could locate were scattered. Zeb and Kallus came by often, but they had their own work. It was often just her and Sabine, since Ezra vanished. And she didn’t want to put too much pressure on the girl. It wasn’t fair. “It is?”

“You know, Leia was rather unexpected.” It was obvious enough where that was coming from. No one had to be told that she hadn’t planned this. Even if Kanan had lived, they were in the middle of a war, and she still wasn’t quite sure how she was going to balance the baby with all of that. How she was going to keep him safe. He would need her to step back, especially at first, but he would also need a safe galaxy to grow up in. She had to find a way to give him a mother and a future at the same time. It would have been easier if Kanan were here to help. But she’d tried to stop dwelling on things that were well and truly impossible. She had to deal with the situation as it was.

“Wasn’t she adopted?” That was the sort of development one usually tried to plan. It didn’t just happen like having strange symptoms weeks after losing the love of her life and realizing that the Force apparently wanted more little Jedi running around. Or something like that.

Breha laughed warmly. “She was. The last days of the Clone Wars were the strangest.”

She’d only been a child then, but old enough to realize how quickly everything was changing. The galaxy suddenly looked completely different and as dangerous as ever. That was just never going to end, it would seem.

“We had talked about it, but I wasn’t expecting Bail to come home with a baby that day.”

Hera couldn’t even imagine. She was already struggling to prepare for her baby with months of warning. Having one just show up was a logistical nightmare. But she wasn’t sure where this was meant to be going. “You seem to have managed quite well. She’s remarkable.” The princess was involved in more missions of late. And she didn’t disappoint.

“There are... certain advantages to a hereditary home. The attics have more than anyone could possibly use in a lifetime. So it was easy to prepare a nursery.”

That wouldn’t really help on the emotional front, but sometimes logistics were the easiest thing to focus on. Their supplies had never been so well documented as right after the liberation of Lothal.

“I was wondering how you were doing on that front?”

“I...” She’d been trying to figure out how to care for the child. “Our usual suppliers don’t tend to trade in infant goods.”

“That’s what I thought.” She would never have expected a queen to be so practical before she met Breha. But what was government if not a giant exercise in logistics? She’d seen quickly that Princess Leia Organa had not been routinely handed off to nannies. They probably would have attempted to exert some sort of moderating influence to keep her out of the Rebellion. “Bail and I wanted to give you a few items. Some clothing, a travel bassinette. We have more spares than we could ever need. Leia could be a great-great-grandmother before we had to reuse a single item. It will go to so much better use with you, I think.”

“I...” She suddenly pictured items from a royal palace tucked into one of the Ghost’s empty rooms. The image was strange enough to bring laughter instead of the usual sadness at the state of those rooms. “That’s so generous.”

“Alderaan favours simplicity.” Translation: don’t worry, I’m not handing you something jewel encrusted to furnish a freighter. “The craftsmanship is excellent.”

Hera rested her hand on her belly, taking a moment to imagine her future. “He’ll be the most elegantly dressed baby at the spacestop.”

***

No one had warned Leia that victory would involve quite so many Functions. She should have been prepared for them, growing up in a royal palace, but after fighting a war for so long, she’d let herself forget. Now they moved more and more toward an actual government, and she had to learn an old role all over again. She’d gotten used to her days involving more strategy sessions than dinner parties.

Of course, she still had military officers approaching her. They just wore the notoriously unpopular dress uniform now. They had barely had a uniform at all when her parents first let her get involved in the Rebellion. Now there was a dress variant, and the people who wore it had no end of opinions. Even if a general would, of course, never breathe a word about it. “Senator, a word?”

Leia maneuvered herself around carefully. That was the only way she could actually move these days. Her small stature made her increasing bulk feel all the more unwieldy. “Of course, General.”

“It’s really more of a Hera conversation.” They’d known each other too long to always stand on ceremony. Right now, Leia didn’t much care for standing at all. “Can you handle the walk to the Ghost?”

“As long as there are chairs at the end.” At least they had enough history that she could admit that.

Hera nodded and started to lead the way. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” she said almost automatically.

Automatically enough that Hera immediately raised an eyebrow.

“Tired.” It was a completely different brand of exhaustion that the sleepless nights in a battle zone. Not necessarily worse, but unique. She’d never grown a human being before but it was taking more out of her than she was eager to admit. Especially when she was trying to convince her staff she wasn’t an invalid. “Exhausted, really.”

Hera smiled. “It’s like that a lot. I’m not going to lie and say it gets better, but it’s a nice sort of exhausted. Most of the time.”

“How’s your son doing? I hope he’s well.”

“He spent this last deployment with Zeb and Kallus. He’s amazing, even if keeping up with a Force sensitive child is more work than three full starfighter squadrons.”

More of a preview of her life than she meant it to be. Deep in her heart, she knew that was true, but she hadn’t had anyone who’d knowingly experienced that to talk to. She couldn’t have been that bad a child, could she have?

She probably had. “Just regular squadrons, I hope?”

Hera shook her head. “All of them are Rogue Squadron.  All   of them.” Current reports indicated that the general they were currently attached to was rapidly balding. Also making remarkable progress through former Imperial territory but in utterly exhausting and unexpected ways. “Of course, I don’t really have a non-Force sensitive child to compare him to. Sabine was already a teenager by the time she was in my life.”

She could handle it. At least she had some amount of Force sensitivity herself. Poor Han, she should warn him. Maybe have him talk to Hera, if they could stop arguing about the relative merits of their ships long enough to discuss anything else. This might actually be important enough to manage that.

Hera keyed in the sequence to open up the hatch and led the way into the common area. Which had some remarkably comfortable chairs. Well chosen. Maybe she could get Han to install something like this on the Falcon. At the very least she had to find out where these cushions came from. Maybe she could even sneak one for the next Function...

Once she was suitably settled to relieve her overtaxed feet, Hera tried several times to open a conversation. Finally, she managed, “It can be hard to stop thinking about who you desperately want to be there, with a child.”

Leia’s hand drifted to her belly. “Han’s the important part.” She’d worried a lot when he was off dealing with Kashyyyk. But he was back now and ready to be part of their son’s life. It wasn’t like what Hera had had to deal with when her son was born. She had so many others around her, it wasn’t fair to wish for the things she couldn’t have.

“A baby can never have too much family. The whole crew helped me with Jacen.” She reached over and took Leia’s hand. “And so did two people who would be the most delighted grandparents anyone could ask for.”

Hormones were completely unfair. She was a senator; she couldn’t go crying like this. “I keep thinking of all the traditions I always thought any child of mine would participate in.” There was a lot involved with being the heir to the throne of Alderaan. For all that she’d complained, she couldn’t have imagined back then things going another way. Her child wouldn’t be the heir to anything— only a field of rubble.

“I had no idea what I was going to do without Kanan. But your parents were so kind to me.” She’d been busy with her own missions and a certain amount of teenaged tunnel blindness, but she did remember General Syndulla being around more often in the months leading up to the Battle of Yavin. She’d assumed it was all about the Rebel Alliance getting more established and the longtime leaders having more work to do. But of course, a pregnancy would change the day to day activities of a general. For all that she told her staff she wasn’t an invalid, she did occasionally have to slow down.

“They were always like that.” That was why it hurt so much. The galaxy needed people who were that kind. She tried to carry on their legacy, but she could only do so much. It would never be enough.

Hera pulled two crates forward and opened the first to reveal an assortment of baby clothes. She handed Leia the top onesie to examine. It wasn’t the sort of clothes she would have expected an active rebel to pick out, but these must be Jacen’s old things. They didn’t get a lot of babies in the Rebellion, after all. She ran her hand over the fabric. “This is beautiful.” It almost felt like rannasilk. But the only place to get that was... “It can’t be...”

Hera handed her another piece of clothing. The same craftsmanship. The same material. “Your mother said she had more than she could ever dream of using.”

“I remember. We had more than we could ever need, but no sense letting perfectly good things sit by, even if they were a little bit too luxurious.” It wasn’t what most people expected of royalty. But Alderaan wasn’t like anywhere else in the galaxy.

“She told me you could be a great grandmother before they ever had to reuse any baby things.” And then all of that had gone to waste when Tarkin said fire. Except for these boxes.

Leia held the onesie to her heart. Any connection at all.

“The other crate is a few items of furniture. I assume you have something permanent set up at home, but they knew I was mostly going to be travelling.” Settling down only became a real possibility for any of them in the past year. And even that was slow going. “It would make a good shipboard nursery.”

She’d been surprised that Han was willing to make changes to the Falcon. Putting in a galley. If he’d do that for her, surely their baby would also be worth it. They weren’t going to leave any permanent marks, and there was that strange room that Lando kept referring to as his cape closet. There wasn’t much in there but junk now. They could sort through all of that and make space for the baby. Space for... she opened the crate.

A perfectly crafted travel bassinette. Just like she would have slept in for all but her very first trip to Alderaan. Artfully carved, solid craftsmanship. Though the straps attached inside didn’t look at all Alderaanian. A practical addition, but added with respect for the aesthetic. She tugged on them. Solid, that would keep a baby from going anywhere even if his father decided it was a good idea to go into an asteroid field. But also quite lovely.

“That was Sabine’s work. Alderaanian royal politics don’t tend to quite rival an active rebellion for excitement.”

“If you go far enough in our history...” There was a reason Alderaanian royals had found themselves drawn to rebellion. She’d like to think it was all about justice. But they didn’t come from a tradition of sitting quietly, no matter what her tutors had tried to convince her of at the time. “I hope they’re never necessary.”

“That’s what we all hope for our children. And we actually have a chance at giving it to them, thanks to the work your parents started.” Started. They’d all continued it. And now, her child would have more of a link to that than she’d ever dreamed.

“I don’t know how to thank you enough for this gift.” She didn’t expect anything from family for the next generation. It would have been a foolish hope. That was all lost years ago in the worst moment of her life. Except, it seemed, this one gift. Because her parents had taken the time to care for someone else. They couldn’t have known this would come back to her; they were expecting her to use the rest of the excess in the palace’s vast storage.

She would have to teach her child to be like them. Dreaming cradled in this gift they didn’t know they were giving him.

#hera syndulla #leia organa #breha organa #fanfiction #kanera #well in the past tense #i'm still a couple fics behind crossposting #apparently i must fill the breha and hera tag myself #challenge accepted #pregnancy

[forever-rogue]

Step Into the Daylight - Part 3

Summary: While fighting for your own survival, you somehow ended up in the care of one stoic Mandalorian…and his adopted child. (that’s it for now! don’t want to give away too much!)

A/N: Thank you guys so much for the all love and support on part one of this series, it was seriously overwhelming and amazing, and I hope you continue to enjoy this little series. Taglists are open, and as always feedback is welcome! xx

Pairing: The Mandalorian (Din Djarin x Reader)

Word Count: 5.6k

Warnings: mild violence, language

SERIES MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

MANDALORIAN MASTERLIST

»»————-　♡　————-««

You studied yourself in the old warped mirror in the bathroom. It was the only one on the Razor Crest, the only one you’d seen in ages; you’d only caught glimpses of yourself here and there since you’d been on your own. It had been so long you’d almost forgotten what you looked like. You wiped away some of the fog that had built up on it, looking at your face, almost surprised to see who staring back you at you. You hair was longer than it had been in a long time, but otherwise it was the same face that you had always known, sans for the dark circles that were under your eyes. There were still some faint bruising along your jawline, but the soreness was gone. You had healed well and fairly rapidly, having received nothing but the best care from your savoir.

The wounds that had been sprinkled over your body were gone, only one new small scar had been added to your collection. The rest, the ones that wrapped around your back and shoulders were ancient history by now, faded, almost gone but not quite. They would forever serve as a reminder of your past of who you were, who had been forced to be, much like the faded numbering on your arm.

Grabbing the towel that from the rack, you dried your hair as best as you could, detangling it with your fingers before following with suit with drying your body. You reached for your clothes, new clothes courtesy of the Mandalorian and his latest visit to the market place, and touched the soft fabric. The fabric was a tan, accented by a few splashes of red. It was a color you had always fancied, and it had caught you by surprise that he’d chosen that particular one. It was almost like he knew, but he hadn’t; when he’d seen the colors something in him told him those were the ones.

These were by far the finest garments you had ever owned and you almost wanted to reject them, thinking they were far too fine for you, but you couldn’t say no. The delicate way he had handed them to you, telling you he hoped you would find the colors suitable, how he hoped it would be practical for your needs warmed your heart more than words could describe. The Child had even been in on it, dragging a new pair of boots towards as best as he could, despite the fact that they were almost bigger than him. So you had gratefully taken them, asking if you could somehow repay him. But he had just shaken his head now, signaling to you that it was the end of the conversation before slightly stalking away.

Slipping the garments on, you followed up with tying your hair in a loose bun before deciding that you looked suitable, maybe better than you ever had. You stepped out of the bathroom and into the chilly hallway, and found yourself instantly greeted by your small friend. He looked up at you and squeaked with joy, reaching for you with one hand.

“Hi there,” you said softly as you picked him up, looking him over before hugging him tightly. You stood there like that for a few moments, taking it all in as you realized this was probably the last time you’d get to hold him. The thought alone was almost enough to cause tears to flood down your face, “I’m going to miss you, you know. I’m going to miss you more than anyone else in the entire galaxy.”

He looked up at you, giving you a concerned look as you just gave him a misty eyed smile. He reached out and touched your cheek, much like your first encounter with him, delicately wiping at the few tears. How one little soul cared for you so much, you had no one idea, but you could just tell he was more than he appeared to be, “you are so special, buddy. I’ll think of you every day, I promise. Maybe sometimes you’ll think of me too. Can you promise me one thing?”

He looked at you and seemed to nod, his eyes wide with curiosity. You gave his ears some scratches before softly saying, “take care of him. He won’t admit it, but you’re special to him too. You need each other to survive, okay? He takes care of us, so we take care of him. But I’ve got to go. My place isn’t here, but yours is. Promise me?”

He made a small sound, somewhere between understanding and distress. He may have been a child, one who couldn’t properly communicate with you yet, but he understood. He knew what this meant, he knew that you were leaving and this was goodbye. Kissing the top of his head, you set him back down slowly and he plopped onto his small backside, too distressed to get up again and waddle after you.

“I’ll miss you,” you said quietly as swallowed the lump in your throat, “but this is for the best. This is the right thing to do.”

You picked up the small bag you had packed, mostly filled with the items that the Mandalorian had acquired for you. It had almost hurt, taking all the things from him, knowing that your new friend was going out of your life as quickly as he had entered it. You wanted to refuse everything he gave you, but he insisted on at least the necessities. How are you going to survive? You need at least a few basics. You knew he was correct, so you had let him fill the small rucksack for you.

Swinging it over your shoulder, you headed up to the front of the ship to where you could leave. Every step required too much effort, and you suddenly felt lethargic; you really didn’t want to leave, your heart was weighing heavy on you, but your head told you needed to. You had survived on your own since you were a child, learning to survive and adapt, and having had him taking care of you for the last several weeks had made you soft; vulnerable. You needed to learn to toughen up again, not to depend on another. If you remembered that then you would be safe, you would continue to survive. But don’t forget to live too the Mandalorian had reminded you one of the last nights when he was changing your bandages, life can’t be all about survival.

“Were you really going to leave without telling me?” you turned on your heel at the sound of the now all too familiar voice. It had become a welcome sound, and it often caused a jolt of electricity to run through your bones. You found him watching you closely, some fabric wrapped up in his hands as he awaited a response. You felt nervous under his keen gaze suddenly, wishing he hadn’t caught you. It would have been simpler without having to face him, so much less heartbreaking.

“I figured it was easier this way,” you lied. It would have been easier not to see him in person, to have to say an actual goodbye to him. The only goodbyes you’d really experienced were ones involving death, either around you or at your own hands. Those had been hard, they always were, but this felt about ten times as hard, “and you’d be able to put two and two together. I said goodbye to the Child already.”

“I guess this is it. This is goodbye then,” he said as he came closer, each step slow and calculated. He unrolled the fabric he was clutching tightly in his hand, displaying it to you. It was a deep crimson, one that matched the accents on your new clothes, and you immediately knew it was all done deliberately. He held it up and showed you that it was a beautiful cape, similar to his own, “this will help keep you warm.”

“You shouldn’t have...you didn’t have to,” you said quietly as he held it up to drape it gently around your shoulders. For someone so large, he was ever so delicate with how he moved your hair out of the away and tied to the fabric at the hollow of your throat. You looked up to meet his eyes, hoping he was meeting yours even under the helmet. You put your hand gently on his, giving his wrist a gentle squeeze, “thank you. For everything. I owe you my life, I owe you everything.”

“You owe me nothing,” he insisted, a small smile on his face that you couldn’t see, dark misty eyes that threatened to spill over with tears. That pang in the pit of his stomach was strong right now, and he was inclined to not let you leave, preferring if you stayed. The feelings that become so strong over the last few days, and it was slowly dawning on him what they were, even if he wasn’t ready to admit them out loud, “just stay safe out there. The world is yours now.”

“Thank you,” you said softly, avoiding his gaze as you tried not to cry in front of him, “maybe one day our paths will cross again. Until then, stay safe and take care of yourself. You’ve been so busy taking care of everyone else, you need to make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.”

“I will,” he promised quietly before slowly, almost reluctantly, removing his hands from yours. You took a step back from him and gave him a weak smile; you never, not in probably a million years thought you’d get like this over another person. The last time you had, your indiscretion and weakness (or so they called it) had led to their death. But you weren’t worried about this time, you were more worried about how hard it was going to be to get him out of your mind.

“Goodbye,” you said as you started to walk out of the ship and into the early light of day. It was beautiful here, and while you hadn’t explored every single place, you were sure you’d like it all, that you’d be able to make a home there.

“W-wait,” he reached for your hand and grabbed it for a moment, “where will you go?”

“I don’t know,” you admitted, “but it’ll be fine. I’ll find some place. The people here have been kind so far, I’m sure I can ask someone for guidance if I need to.”

“Okay,” he said as he let go, watching you walk down and plant yourself firmly on the lush green ground. He wrestled with himself, but held back, standing at the top and watching you start to walk. It was hard and it took every fiber of his being not to run after you. Instead he quietly said, so softly you almost didn’t hear it, “Din. My name is Din.”

You stopped for a moment, surprised that he told you, surprised that he trusted you enough to provide you with such an intimate detail of who he was. Turning around you gave him a grin, “Din. I like it, it’s perfect.”

“Din Djarin.”

“I hope our paths cross again, Din Djarin,” you said sincerely, “May the force be with you.”

Before he could even say anything else, you gave him a small wave and walked away, leaving him mulling over your last words. He hadn’t heard those words in some time, even after the fall of the Empire, those words were still only spoken in secret. How strange that those would be your parting words; perhaps there was more to you, much more than he had expected or learned so far.

The Child had worked up the energy and found his way to his adopted father, tugging on his pants legs as he made a small cooing sound. Din gently picked him up and held him in his arms as he nodded in agreement, “I know. I shouldn’t have let her go.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

Six Months Later

You’d adapted to your new life more quickly and effortlessly than you had expected. Once you’d left Din and the Child, you’d spent several days gathering your bearings, adjusting to not having to hide all the time and allowing yourself to relax. The first couple of nights were the hardest, the ones you cried the most over the loss of our friends, but you kept repeating to yourself that it was for the best.

Once you’d allowed yourself to properly wallow, you wasted no time in going around and looking for suitable work. The community you had settled into was a mix of all sorts of people from all sorts of places that somehow had ended up there, just like you. It was nice to be around other people that didn’t belong anywhere because you all belonged there now, together as a beautiful melting pot of cultures. You’d been lucky enough to find a place to live, staying with a small family and helping them out around their gardens and fields, spending your off days working with a weapons maker, one that actually dealt in honest work and focused on making quality heirloom pieces, not just things that would do harmful, lasting damage to people. 

“Good morning, Y/N,” Barto smiled as at you as you entered his shop, ready to assist with whatever he needed for the day, “how are you on this lovely morning?”

“Well,” you grinned at him, taking off the crimson cloak from around your shoulders, touching it fondly before hanging it up, “for someone who was up late last night. Children have so much energy, and with these summer long days, they love staying up late.”

“As do we all,” he laughed and you nodded. It had been hard to deny the positive mood in the community, as the everything was in full bloom and the weather was the most lovely it had been, “I’m afraid I haven’t got anything exciting for you to do. Would you mind terribly cleaning up around the back today?”

“Not at all Barto,” you smiled at him before heading towards the back door, “whatever you need is my pleasure.”

You stepped outside in the small garden area, taking a deep breath as you let the fresh air enter your lungs. It was a beautiful day, and for some reason you had an extra spring your step. You didn’t know why, but something told you today was going to bring something good. That today was going to be different than your others had been.

Soon enough, you were in the midst of clean and tidying up, wiping some of the sweat from your brow when you heard someone running down the dirt pathway leading to the shop. They were breathless, clearly on some kind of mission and you perked up, your interest undeniably piqued. You listened as the door to the shop slammed open, and a young voice started speaking rapidly. You almost instantly recognized it as Gretta, the young girl you lived with, “Barto! Barto! Come quick, we need help.”

“Slow down little one. What’s going on?” he asked as you stepped into the shop, and her eyes flitted to you, wide and wild.

“There’s some kind of fight happening,” she said quietly, “at the market. One of the men, he’s getting hurt, and I didn’t know who else to ask. Please come quick we have to save him!”

Barto looked at you and you didn’t even hesitate for a moment before grabbing a few blasters, strapping them onto your person before running out of the shop, Gretta following hot on your heels. No one else knew your sordid history, or how you’d ended up there, like Barto did. He was your closest confidant, and he trusted you, just liked you trusted him. And he knew you could handle this.

As you neared the market, you could hear screaming and the sounds of blaster fire loud and clear. You put your hand on the small girl’s shoulder, “Gretta, go home right now. Make sure everyone’s at home and stay there, okay? You need to say safe.”

“Y/N, will you be-”

“Yes,” you promised her, pulling her into a quick hug, “just go and I’ll see you soon, I promise.”

She gave you a quick nod before turning and running away, ready to follow your instructions. You let out a long breath before deciding to just go in and see what was happening. There was no time for hesitation now, and you were sure you’d be able to know who to side with.

“Come on assholes,” you shouted, trying to get the attention drawn to you. It was then that you noticed the man in question was outnumbered three to one. Three very large looking brutes to one man, “why don’t you pick one someone your own size? Three to one? You must not be very good if it’s taking that many of you to bring down one man.”

The attention was quickly turned to you as you watched the man who had come to rescue try to scurry away limping as he clutched his side. One of the men smirked, a dangerous look in his eye as your hand immediately went to the trigger of the blaster, “you’ve got a big mouth, little lady.”

“That may be true,” you agreed, giving him a small shrug, “but I’m no lady.”

He thought he’d have you distracted, but you were quick, your skills and instincts stronger than ever as you blasted one of the men. He wasn’t about to get a leg up on you. The first man smirked at you as he took a step closer, “well, well, the little lady knows how to fight.”

“Want to find out how well? Try me,” your old swagger and bravado was slowly coming back as you tried to indicate to the people around that they needed to leave with a few subtle hand motions. They seemed to understand what you were saying as they all ducked away as you strode past them, walking closer and closer to the man. 

“I’m already tired of your big mouth,” he sighed and you gave him a smirk. He held up his blaster and tried to get a few shots at you, but you were able to quickly dodge them, “just give up now.”

“I don’t think so,” you said as you quickly formed a plan, scaling the wall of the building and making to the rooftop. It wasn’t a tall building by any means, but just tall enough for you to loom above the man. You made a sound to get his attention, before throwing all caution to the wind and jumping off to get the drop on him, “surprise.”

You’d caught him so off guard that he didn’t have to react before you blasted him and kicked his body away. You hated doing it, you always did, but you were reassured by the fact that he was bad, probably the sort of person that wouldn’t have hesitated to kill you first if he’d had the chance. It was just the one left now and you looked around wildly, trying to find the thug and the man you were attempting to save. 

You found them squaring off at the end of the marketplace, the thug at a clear advantage. It was then that you noticed the armor of the lying on the ground. It was silver, polished to a shine that put almost every other piece of armor to shame. Beskar. There was only one man in the galaxy that had a whole suit of beskar. It was him, you had no doubt about it, your stomach falling when you realized what was happening.

“Din,” you shouted as you ran over to him, almost tripping over your own feet. He didn’t respond to his name, and you realized he must have been badly hurt already. The thug with the upper hand raised a rock and got ready to slam it down on Din’s body and all you could do was watch in horror, almost frozen with fear. But something inside snapped, you weren’t sure what it was but you used both hands to push at the thug letting out a loud, “no!”

Before your eyes you watched as the man was sent flying back, smashing against a nearby stall before slumping to the ground. You looked at your hands, examining every inch, watching as they trembled and shook. You weren’t what had happened, what you had done, but something had happened, something in you felt like it was awakened. But you didn’t have time to think about it or process any of it, running over to Din. You instantly dropped to your knees at his side, relieved to see his chest still rising and falling in a steady pattern.

“Din,” you said as put your hands on shoulders, shaking him lightly, “Din, it’s me, it’s me. Y/N. I’m here. Please tell me you’re okay, please be okay. Please be with me.”

Without even thinking about it, he reached up gently and put his hand on your cheek. You cupped it with yours, letting out a sigh of relief as you realized he was still with you. You leaned down and rested your forehead against his helmet, “Y/N. I had to come back.”

“Why?” you asked quietly wondering what in the galaxy could have made him decide to want to come back. It was a beautiful place you were living in now, but it didn’t attract much attention, or bounty hunters for that matter, “what possibly could have possessed you and make you want to come back.”

“You.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

You were humming a soft song under your breath, quietly tending to the wounds that were strewn along Din’s side. He was stripped to his under garments, devoid of the beskar that you’d seen him typically sport. You were reluctant to take it off, but knew you had to do so in order to properly aid him; so you had gently taken each piece off, making sure to clean them all before stowing them away for the time being. You’d left the helmet on, and although he’d never explicitly told you it needed to remain on, you were familiar with the Mandalorian Creed. You were from Mandalore after all. 

His skin, surprisingly soft and supple was beautifully tan and warm under your touch. You’d had to swallow the lump in your throat several times as you tried not to fixate on it too much, but there was no denying the feelings seeing it sparked. It was like you were seeing a special part of him, a part no one else generally got to see. But you reminded yourself that you needed to help him, to take care of him, just as he had done to you. And so you did. 

You tended to his wounds gently, making sure they were bandaged properly so they would heal without too much permanent damage. When his shirt was pushed up, your eyes landed on the scars and marks that littered his torso.  You wondered how he had acquired them, if they each a story behind them. How long they had taken to heal, how much they had hurt him. You traced your fingers gently over them, humming softly under your breath. It was a little lullaby you remembered from your childhood, one of the few memories that were still ingrained in your mind, crystal clear. 

At some point you were so engrossed in what you were doing you hadn’t noticed that he was awake; focused on his wounds only you as made sure he was okay. A few times he thought about opening his mouth to speak, to say something, almost anything, but he wasn’t able to. Din was much too enthralled in your work, how his whole body warmed up under your every touch, each caress making the pang in his heart increase. So he remained silent, watching your every move, memorizing every expression that crossed your face, how soft your hands on his body, especially when you stopped intermittently and checked his pulse to make sure it was still going. How you didn’t notice the rapid beating of his heart was beyond on him, but he was thankful that you seemed oblivious to it.     

But when you pulled up a chair next to the makeshift cot he was laying on, he almost completely lost his cool. When you gently reached for his hand and held it in yours for what seemed like hours until you fell asleep, he thought he died and had gone to some sort of proverbial heaven. He never once would have thought that the simple act of someone holding his hand would have caused such feelings to stir within him; not until you anyway. Your head slumped on your shoulders as light snores escaped your lips, you looked so peaceful that all he could was to lace his fingers through yours and give your hand a squeeze, promising you that he wouldn’t let go. Eventually at some point, from pain or exhaustion, he fell asleep, the most comfortable sleep he had in the six months since you’d been gone. 

»»————-　♡　————-««

The next time he woke up it was to hushed, upset sounding whispers. You were no longer by his side, and he found himself reaching for your hands, only to find emptiness until he scanned the room and found you speaking to a woman he did not recognize.

“Y/N,” she said softly as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind your hair. There was an upset look on her face as you left your stomach drop, “I hate to do this, I really do. You’ve become a part of our family, we love you, we all do, but you cannot stay here anymore. You must leave as soon as it is safe.”

“What? Why?” you immediately pulled out of her touch and looked at her with wild eyes as the words crashed over you. Part of you had expected this for a long time; not because they made you feel unwelcome, just because you’d never had a permanent home. All good things had to come to end some way or another, and that feeling had always remained in the back of your mind, “I-I don’t understand. Have I done something wrong?”

“It’s not safe for you here and in turn it’s not safe for our family. You must understand, I just want to keep everyone safe...the children have to come first,” she explained and you wondered what she meant. You’d kept your head down for months and never rocked the boat. None of them even knew about your true past besides Barto and he had never made a big deal out of it, he had accepted you as just another person.

“I-I don’t know what to say,” you admitted as you dabbed at the stinging in your eyes. Don’t let them see you cry; don’t let them see you weak, you reminded yourself, “I haven’t done anything. Nothing’s changed...”

“You never told us that you were a Jedi,” she said quickly, the last word barely audible, and your mouth dropped open in confusion as your brows knitted together. Din was intently listening, unsure of what he was hearing, if it was all some sort of weird fever dream or actually happening. Surely he didn’t hear correctly. Jedi is not a word people used openly, he hadn’t even heard it uttered since the fall of the remaining Jedi.

“What are you...Jedi? I have no clue what you’re talking about,” you finally managed to say, running your hands through your hair in exasperation. It had seen so long since you’d heard that word, but never once had you been accused of being one yourself, “I’m not...no. Surely, you must be mistaken.”

“People saw you, sweetheart. Back there when you saved that man,” she looked at Din for a moment, their eyes locking even if she didn’t know it, “it’s not going to be safe for you anymore. They will come looking for you if you’re here-”

“The Empire is gone…no more. Surely they’re not still hunting…”

“They will continue to look for people like you. It’s not safe for you yet, and no one knows when it will be,” she said quietly as you just tried to process what she was saying. You had no clue where she had gotten the notion that somehow you possessed some of the powers you had only imagined being capable of, “when your friend is well, you have to go. Please know that we don’t want to do this, but it’s for the sake of the community, we have to try and keep it safe.”

“Of course,” you said as you blinked back the hot tears that threatened to spill over and run down your cheeks. There was no sincerity in your declaration, but you didn’t care at that point. Your time had run out and for whatever reason, you needed to go, to find a new place to make a home. You should have known better than to let yourself get comfortable, “I’ll leave as soon as he’s well. His wounds aren’t too bad and he should be good to go after some rest tomorrow.”

“I’m sorry, Y/N,” she said gently as you just gave her a curt nod, “you should make sure to lie low for a while. People will be watching closely.”

“I’m not sure what they’re going to be watching,” you sighed as you rubbed your temples; your mind was already hurting from trying to process everything, “but I guess they’re welcome to watch.”

“That man,” she asked as she looked back over at Din, who was wide awake now and listening intently. He stilled for a moment, sure that his jig was up and she could tell he had been listening. But instead she just looked at him, regarding him with interest, “he’s a Mandalorian.”

“Yes.”

“Who is he to you?” 

You turned to looked back at Din, a small smile crossed your features. Part of you thought he was awake, almost like you could sense it, but didn’t want to comment on it. Your heart had missed him more than you could have imagined, that must was evident as you looked over his figure; today had reminded you just how strong your connection with him had been, “he’s a friend.”

“Must be an important friend for you to risk everything for him.”

“Yes,” you answered quietly, feeling warmth creeping into your cheeks, “the best of all.”

She gave you a soft look before giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze. She was trying her best, you knew she was, but it didn’t make it the situation any easier. Most people in her situation would have done the same; honestly, you probably would have done the same if you were trying to protect your family, if you had any. 

Turning away from her as she left you to attend to the Mandalorian, your shoulders slumped with exhaustion. You were tired suddenly, so tired from the events of the day and your conversation and praying to the maker that Din was alright. Making your way over to him, you trailed a hand over his torso, making sure he wasn’t running too hot before flopping back down into the chair beside him. 

Din contemplated turning to you and letting you know that he had heard everything, but he remained silent, observing you instead. His heart broke a little when he realized that there were a few silent tears streaming down your face. Even when you had beaten and broken, he’d had seen you like this; this was much worse. You let yourself have a few moments of crying before using the sleeve of your sweater and wiping at your damp eyes, and collecting yourself. You didn’t have time to cry and be weak, you needed a plan - and quick. 

You stretched your legs out and rested them on the edge of the bed, mind spinning as you conjured up various plans to escape and remain safe. Eventually, exhaustion took over and your eyes closed against your best efforts, and sleep pulled you in as your head lulled to the side. 

Din had remained silent as he had watched you, wishing there was something he could comfort you, to reassure you and remind you that it would be alright and if you were willing he would help you. He knew you were stubborn though, that it would probably take some convincing; but if he had it his way, you would come with him and he have by his sound. There was something that drew him to you, that told him he needed to come back to you, whether it was the force or something else, he wasn’t going to leave your side again.

Once he was sure you were sleeping soundly, he reached over and took one of your hands in his and laced his fingers through yours. He wasn’t sure if you were aware of what was going on or if you could somehow feel what he was doing in your sleep, but a part of him hoped you could. He wished you could feel how much he cared for you, the depth of which he almost couldn’t even explain. 

After a while he succumbed to sleep as well, his body most definitely needing the rest. So, he feel asleep holding your hand, faintly humming a tune under his breath, but he had been so out of it he didn’t even realize what was he was doing. It was enough for now, but tomorrow, when you were both awake, he would tell you all the things he had felt you were gone and ask you to come back. And maybe you’d tell him more about your mysterious past; his interest was piqued and he knew he wanted to know everything about you. There was something about you that was just undeniable.

»»————-　♡　————-«« 

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#the mandalorian #the mandalorian x reader #din djarin #din djarin x reader #dyn jarren #dyn jarren x reader #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #step into the daylight series #my writing #star wars

[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Come With Me And Never Go Away~ A Proposal Fic

Hi everyone! Welcome back to another writing one shot that I had a lot of fun with! I thought of this really cute idea for how Miya would propose to Sakura in their mid 20's after they were both settled in with their careers picked out and everything else. I hope that you all enjoy my writing because this one was a ton of fun to make!

Kicking off my shoes after a long day, I sighed as I entered my apartment that I shared with my boyfriend of eleven years.

“I’m home…” I announced tiredly and heard the familiar sound of Mario coming from the living room as I saw my adorable boyfriend sitting crosslegged on our couch.

“Baby! Welcome home, you look exhausted come here.” He instantly wrapped his arms around me and I melted into the tightly wound hug.

“I am exhausted. It was a crazy busy day at the restaurant today. Being the full chef now after I’ve been training for the last seven years is really tiring. I know that dad fully prepared me but still.” I whined as my boyfriend picked me up and carried me over to our couch.

“I know that you’re really tired Saki but hey, you get a day off tomorrow. Didn’t Jiro give you the day off?” I nodded my head. My dad had given me a mandatory one day off per week once I officially started working as a full chef. I think part of it was so that he could still work at least one day a week since it was his restaurant.

“I have something planned for you tomorrow! I’ve been planning it for a long time but I think that we’re both finally ready for it.” I blinked my red eyes curiously at my boyfriend for the last eleven years. I wondered what on earth he could have planned out for tomorrow.

“Carla, am I missing an anniversary of some kind?” I asked my own “Carla” prototype that my mom had given me when I moved out, mostly to keep track of important dates and little things like that.

“You are not forgetting any anniversary mistress.” I turned to my boyfriend just making sure that I hadn’t forgotten any big holiday’s.

“No sweetheart you haven’t forgotten any big anniversary or holiday’s for us. Even if you did you know I’m not that into celebrating them. As long as you come home to me at the end of the day that’s all I care about. How was the restaurant today?” I smiled softly putting my feet across my boyfriend’s lap with a small sigh.

“It was great. I love working in the food industry it’s one of my favorite things that I’ve ever gotten to do. How was your day? Did you stream go alright?” He nodded his head with a small smile on his face getting out his computer.

“It went really well! All of the money that I raised is going into the charity that will help me to teach those kids to board.” He promised himself and I smiled softly at my boyfriend forever proud of the life that he had decided that he wanted to make. I remembered when he told me that he wanted to mostly work from home. At first I was terrified that he wouldn’t be able to make his dream a reality but he loved what he did. He got to play video games for a living and then teach kids to skateboard for fun at the local indoor park where he was a coach.

“I’m so glad that it was able to work out in your favor love. What did you play today?” I asked him curiously and he just blew the hair out of his face.

“I played this new remastered Crash Bandicoot game, you’d love it! It’s a lot of fun, you always did love Crash. You can play as Coco throughout the entire game though~” He sang song and I instantly made grabby hands for my switch.

“Let me see it! I need some stupid mindless fun.” He laughed at me instantly grabbing the coral pink switch as he inserted the game cartridge.

“Get your socks off baby, I’ll message your feet.” I blushed a bright pink playing with the ends of my hair nervously. It amazed me that even eleven years of dating the same person I was still flustered by him.

“You don’t have to…” He instantly just took my hand in his lightly messaging out the kinks in my muscles from a day on my feet.

“Saki I want to do this for you. You’re dead on your feet and you’re going to accept my help no matter what you do. I don’t care about feet smell. Just give them here.” I sighed knowing that my boyfriend wasn’t budging from his ideals.

“Fine don’t say that I didn’t warn you cat-boy.” I slipped off my socks and he just smiled at me lightly starting with the top of my leg where I had been standing all day.

“I seriously don’t get what the big deal is. So you work on your feet all day and you sweat, so what baby, everyone does it.” I sighed halfheartedly and just melted against the back of the couch as I picked the character that I wanted to play.

“I’m just self conscious of it I’m sorry…” I apologized and Miya just smiled softly at me as he squeezed my hand.

“No need to be sorry Saki, just relax baby I’m right here.” I sighed a little bit with a small smile on my face.

“I love you Miya Chinen.” I told him and he just kissed my hand that was entwined with his as he used his other one that was lightly massaging my feet.

“I love you too Sakura Nanjo, you’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He reminded me and I smiled softly at him.

“So, what are we doing tomorrow sweetie?” I could see the small shred of panic that went down his spine with a small nervous smile on his face.

“How about the amusement park in the next town over? It’s been a while since we’ve gone and done a little day trip like that.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. We had so many fond memories of that theme park, it was just your typical fair but we loved it.

“That sounds great! Thank you baby, that means a lot to me. I haven’t been able to go to actually go and have fun on my day off in a while. Working all the time like I do at the restaurant while it’s lucrative it’s super tiring.” My boyfriend just smiled understandingly at me. He rubbed down my ankle and I leaned against the back of the couch.

“I just want to make you happy on your day off. This has been something that I’ve been planning for a long time.” I looked at him with an understanding smile. I knew that he had been planning a talk with me for a while but I didn’t know what it was.

“Miya hey, look at me sweetie.” I reminded him lightly picking up his chin. His sea green eyes were slightly worried and I just smiled understandingly at him.

“It’s okay to be nervous to do something. You know that right? I’m supposed to be the nervous one idiot. Don’t you go taking my job cat-boy.” I lightly teased him and he just laughed a little bit leaning his forehead against mine.

“I’m not taking your job my love it’s just that this is something that I’ve wanted to do for the last few years. It’s just that the timing was never right enough for it to work.” I blinked in confusion for a split second cocking my head to the side.

“Miya seriously, what’s wrong?” He just squeezed my hand with an encouraging smile on his face as he ran a small circle around my hand.

“Nothing is wrong Saki I’m just being all paranoid I’ll be fine I swear. Tell me more about your day? How was the bread today?” I went into my purse sighing a little bit at the fact that old habits definitely died hard and gave some of the bread that I put in there for my boyfriend.

“Try it for yourself and let me know. It seemed that everyone really had a great meal today. That’s what I love about my job getting to see people’s happy faces when they eat something that I prepared for them. Even if I have to stand on my poor feet all day I know that in the end it’s all worth it. There was a little girl there today that I helped to make her own personal pizza.” I explained the favorite part of my day since we both had a soft spot for kids. We had agreed that we wouldn’t talk about adoption until after we had gotten married though.

“Did she enjoy that?” I nodded my head with a bright smile on my face pushing a lock of hair behind my ear.

“I think that she did! Her smile and the way that her eyes lit up when she saw this was enough for me.” I rolled up the sleeve of my dress seeing the familiar tattoo.

“Kids do love noticing that, I’m just glad that you’re extremely happy with it. I know that you weren’t the biggest fan of getting it done.” He thumbed along the edge of the words that had always been there to help me whenever I needed them to.

“It did hurt, Haru knowing him probably made it hurt more somehow. But I can’t regret it because I love it now that it’s completed. Do you still like yours?” My boyfriend nodded his head nuzzling his nose against mine. He had decided on getting something even smaller, the day that we had officially started dating on his wrist. It was next to a pink bow on on one side and a purple skateboard on the other end of it.

“I still love it. I can’t regret even a second of it. Even those three year shot you were in Italy and we were in different time zones. I missed you, so much.” I sighed a little bit watery at the memory of how much we had both hated those years.

“I missed you too baby. I’m sorry but I felt that if I didn’t do the three years away than I wouldn’t be the chef that my dad is. I hated that feeling of inadequacy so I knew that I had to do something to fix it. And that’s what I did.” He clung to my shoulders and melted into my embrace with a bright smile on his face. He rested his cheek on the side of my neck.

“Sweetheart, you’re not inadequate as a cook okay? I hope that you know that now. You worked so hard to prove yourself that you could play on the same field as one of the best chefs in Japan. I know that you didn’t want to let everybody down but I’m still so proud of you my love. Do you know why?” I shook my head with a curious expression in my red eyes.

“Because Saki, you’re the best chef that I’ve ever known. You made me love food and helped me understand that food wasn’t the enemy. My mom shoved diets down my throat but you helped me to learn that food is delicious. You need food to survive. I love you from your open heart to the way that you’re always so determined to make the best food possible. Are you hungry? You are not cooking.” He already ordered me but held me to him as he walked over to the phone.

“The local Japanese place okay?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I had already been around Italian food all day and I smiled softly at the memory of growing up with my dad how he never wanted to cook Italian after a long day on his feet.

“That sounds delicious. Thank you.” He kissed my forehead before peppering the kisses across my cheeks, finally kissing my lips.

“Don’t thank me for food weirdo. You’re fine and I want to look out for you as much as you do for me. Do you need me to carry you back to the couch?” I shook my head with a small smile but tightened my arms around his waist.

“You can’t act like you’re not just as clingy as I am cat-boy.” He laughed joyfully at me pressing me closer to him.

“You’re the one who introduced me to physically affection baby so I blame you. What do you want to watch? Attack On Titan? It’s not too gory for you?” I shook my head, the show had been a favorite of my boyfriend’s when I was away and it helped him to work his way through his missing me. I had just barely started it and even though it was bloody I still couldn’t but help enjoying it because he did so much.

“It’s not, I’m not a frail little girl anymore idiot, I can handle myself.” He just laughed a little bit at me leaning his head against my hair.

“I know you can but you shouldn’t have to watch the show with me if that isn’t what you want to watch with me.” I melted into the affection of my boyfriend and rolled my eyes lightly at his ridiculousness. He called in our regular order before hoisting me up.

“Hey! I told you that I was fine and that I could walk on my own.” I lightly swatted his shoulder but he continued to carry me through the hallway.

“Darling, it’s fine I really don’t mind. Besides I’m strong enough to carry you now that I’m not the weight of a twig.” I sighed a little bit knowing that he wouldn’t back down from this without some big argument. He ran his hands through my hair that wasn’t carrying me. He flipped through the streaming services before finding our Crunchyroll application. I entwined my legs through his with a small smile on my face.

“I love you, goofball.” He laughed a little bit at me kissing my nose as I settled in next to him after another long day. He held me only letting go when he heard the doorbell ring.

“You’ve got to let go love, if you do then we can get food.” I sighed regretfully untwining my limbs from his.

“Fine, go and pay the fee, remember to tip extra god knows that they need the money.” I reminded him lightly and I swung my legs back and forth distractedly.

“I remember it’s what you always tell me sweetheart. I’ll be back in just a few minutes.” He reminded me with one more final squeeze of my hand. He went up the hallway and paid for our food that we had bought.

“Alright love now we can relax. Come here.” Miya instantly pulled me against his chest and I laughed a little bit at his typical clinginess. I somehow managed to eat even when I was caged in. I felt myself drifting off to sleep by the ending of the fifth episode. Miya carried me up the stairs to our bedroom before draping our sheets over me and pulled me into a cuddle position.

“Sleep well my love, we’ll have fun tomorrow. I love you.” I muttered back that I loved him too and he just lightly kissed my forehead. I pulled out of his cuddle position when I woke up an hour later out of sheer discomfort.

“I forgot to put on sleep clothes…” I muttered to myself quickly changing when I saw something hanging in my closet.

“Wha?” I laughed a little bit at my boyfriend’s tiredness kissing his cheek with a small smile seeing his bedhead.

“I’ll be right to be your grounding material. Just give me a second I have to brush my teeth and so should you. We both had dessert.” I reminded him lightly and he just ran his hand through his hair. I saw his Sonic themed sleep pants and I couldn’t help but smile. Adorable idiot. He yawned and I heard the little squeak at the end of it that caused me to giggle at him.

“Shut up I’m tired and my grounding device left my bed.” He mocked me lightly bumping his hip with mine and I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at him. I grabbed my toothbrush and as I brushed my teeth I started talking to him.

“IthoughtIsawanewdress.” Miya looked at me with his sea green eyes trying to process everything that I had just said.

“What the fuck?” He asked me rapidly blinking and I couldn’t help but laugh at my boyfriend spitting into the sink.

“I thought that I saw a brand new dress in my closet.” Instantly my boyfriend’s face paled and I pushed a lock of hair behind my ear.

“Sweetheart it’s late and you’ve had a long day. Check and see if the dress is still there at a reasonable hour. Come on, let’s get you to bed.” He wrapped his arms around me protectively and I just sighed a little it knowing that he was right. He played with the ends of my hair as his eyes slowly slipped shut.

“Night baby.” He purred softly against the hands and I melted into the touch nuzzling his nose against mine.

“Good night my love.” He murmured and I finally felt sleep begin to take over. I was exhausted from my day at the restaurant and looking forward to spending the day with the love of my life. The smell of breakfast was what woke me up and I saw Miya pushing open our front door to the bedroom.

“Morning baby! I made you breakfast.” I looked at the breakfast in front of me and saw the waffles that I had made over the weekend but the eggs he made. It still made my heart skip a beat.

“Baby…” He sat down at the foot of the bed and squeezed my hands with a small smile on my face. He kissed me gently and I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“What did I possibly do to deserve this?” He laughed a little bit pulling me back from the hug and crossed his ankles together.

“You want a full bulleted list?” I rolled my eyes at him but tried the eggs. They were perfectly made. Scrambled eggs were one of the few things that my boyfriend could make better than I could.

“I don’t think that we have the time for the full bulleted list.” I joked pouring the syrup over the waffles. I cut into the fluffiness and I handed my boyfriend a bite that he ate off my fork.

“Thank you for this Miya, you didn’t need to go through all this trouble. I could have made a simple breakfast.” He just shook his head at me as he put his arm around my shoulders with a small smile on his face.

“I am taking care of you today Saki don’t you dare protest. I want you to spend the day just relaxed and free.” He reminded me lightly as he pulled me closer into his side. The warmth that was radiating from my boyfriend never failed to turn me into a pile of comfortable goo.

“Your waffles are the best my love…” He sighed taking another bite off my fork and I laughed a little bit melting into the touch.

“Thank you for this sweetie you really didn’t need to do that for me.” I took a bite from the waffles nodding my head at the fluffy breakfast food.

“Oh sweetheart you don’t need to than me, you already do everything around the house. I just sit on my butt and play video games all day.” I lightly pulled at his cheek as he whined and protested in pain. He was always such a big baby about this sort of thing.

“That is not all you do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve come home to see that you’ve done the dishes and everything else around the house. I love you Miya thank you for this. It’s going to be a great day.” I saw that there was indeed a new dress sitting at the edge of my vanity. It looked extremely familiar and then it hit me.

“You didn’t…” I trailed off seeing that he had bought me the dress of my childhood dreams, Ariel’s blue town dress from my favorite Disney movie fairy tale The Little Mermaid. Skimbleshanks stretched from his cat tree and slowly climbed down.

“Good morning baby boy.” Miya sneezed next to me reaching for his allergy medication and sighed once he had taken it.

“God I hate my allergies…” He whined and I couldn’t help but feel affection for my boyfriend. I wrapped my arms around him as Skimble climbed into my boyfriend’s lap. He sneezed again as I ran a hand through his hair.

“Hi Skimble, sorry just give me until the medication kicks in.” I fed my cat a blueberry from the bowl of fruit and he just ate the food I had given to him.

"That’s better sorry about that I hate my allergies so much sometimes.” He complained and I just leaned my head against his shoulder.

“I know you do sweetie but you still take care of him anyways during the day. You’re the best.” He laughed at me a little bit before taking his own breakfast.

“I think that’s my line sweetheart. Also since your precious cat interrupted me yes I did buy you that.” My heart ached at the idea that he had done this for me strictly because he wanted me to.

“Thank you Miya. This is so important to me.” I thanked him and he softly hummed at the idea that I was so thankful.

“It’s really no problem baby, you already do so much for me and I wanted to surprise you. There’s a ribbon to match the dress.” I saw the matching blue ribbon and tears flooded into my eyes when his arms tightened around me.

“Hey, what are the crocodile tears for baby?” I shook my head singing deeply and trying to calm down a little bit.

“I’m just emotional because I really love you Miya. you’ve done everything within your power to make me happy over the years that we’ve been together even when you couldn’t physically be there. I’m sorry that I’m such an emotional mess it’s just that I love you so much.” Miya hugged me tighter to him and he just ran a hand through my hair.

“Oh my light in the darkness you’re so ridiculous sometimes. I love you so much baby it’s going to be okay. You know how I hate making you cry because then that makes me want to cry and that’s never a pretty picture.” He joked lightly and I let out a watery laugh as he gave me a bite from my waffle. I melted into the touch and the flavor of something that I made.

“I love you too Miya, more than anything in the entire cosmos. You’re the best things that has ever happened to me you coming into the restaurant that day. I can’t imagine what my life would be like without you I just love you so much.” My boyfriend just ran his hand down my shoulder with a small smile on his face.

“Sweetheart, we need to really start getting a move on so that we can celebrate today.” He reminded me lightly and I clenched my fist with a small smile.

“Okay! Why is today so special?” I asked him and he just looked at me with an understanding smile on his face but I could see the traces of worriment there.

“It’s nothing really that special my sunflower, it’s just another day when I can celebrate with my best friend in the entire world. I want to treat my queen the way that she deserves.” My heart positively lunged in my chest as tears pooled in the corners of my eyes.

“Please stop saying shit like that idiot I can’t finish my breakfast if I keep on crying.” I lectured lightly and he just kissed the side of my forehead with sticky syrup lips.

“Sorry sweetheart, I can’t help it.” I leaned against him when I saw our other much smaller and younger kitten hop up on the bed. We had just gotten him because we knew that Skimble’s days were numbered amongst us due to how old and frail he was getting.

“Hello Berlioz…” I greeted my boyfriend’s Russian blue cat that he had decided to name after his favorite of the cats from The Aristocats. He curled up in my lap and I fed him a little slice of mango.

“Sakura I need to ask, are you happy with me?” I blinked at my boyfriend with shocked eyes and I just squeeze his hand.

“Baby, of course I’m happy with you. Where’s this coming from?” He just sighed a little bit his nervousness palpable.

“I just wanted to know if you’re contented in with me in your life. I love you more than anything and sometimes I just need to hear that you love me too. Even though you tell me that you love me all the time it’s still what I worry about.” I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend’s waist. I sighed a little bit, I think sometimes I worried so much and he had to take care of me if I could take care of him.

“Miya, don’t be an idiot. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. If I could still with you forever I would. Hell I plan to stay with you for the rest of my life. I love you so much. You’re my savior. You brought me out of the darkness. I was just living before I met you. When I met you it was like my world had blown up into this world of color.” He just tucked a lock of pink hair behind my ear with a small smile on his face.

“Light in the darkness, I love you so much. I know that you’ve struggled harder than anybody to keep your head above the water that’s why I didn’t want to tell you about these anxieties that I had.” He kissed my forehead softly running a hand down my side.

“There you go it’s okay to have fears about these types of things. Come on, let’s get some breakfast. Then we can celebrate and have a fun day with whatever you have planned my love.” He kissed my forehead with a small smile on his face.

“Do you have a matching Prince Erik costume?” I teased lightly seeing the pink flush go across my boyfriend’s cheek.

“I do…” I squeezed his hand with a small smile on my face. The fact that my boyfriend had gone this far into giving me just a simple good day off.

“You didn’t have to get a matching outfit Miya, I would have been fine just wearing the dress that you worked so hard to find for me.” I objected and he just laughed a little bit at me kissing my forehead with a small smile.

“I wanted to besides it’ll work for part of a surprise that I have for you at sunset.” I pouted at the idea that he was alluding to having a surprise for me but not telling me in the slightest what it was.

“You know that I hate it when people are like I have a surprise for you but then don’t tell me more details. I hate surprises because the suspense in just exhausting for me.” I kicked my legs back and forth whining at my boyfriend’s way of teasing me.

“It’ll be a good surprise I promise baby. I’m sorry to be such a secret keeper right now but it’s for the best. I just want you to be happy.” My heart melted at the idea that he just wanted to celebrate the idea of being together. I wanted to finish my breakfast as quickly as possible so that I could get on the road with my adorably goofy boyfriend. I accidentally got some food lodged in the back of my throat.

“Whoa, take it easy there sweetheart, don’t give yourself a stomach ache again. I probably shouldn’t have said anything before we leave.” He rubbed my back lightly trying for me to get whatever it was lodged out of my throat.

“Thanks sweetie I’m alright. I’ll be okay. I’m actually full, do you want the rest?” He nodded his head getting the rest of our food into his stomach. I went into the shower to get ready for the day. Putting on the dress that he had bought for me and brushing out my hair I tied my hair back into Ariel’s ponytail with her floppy bangs

“Saki…” I heard Miya’s voice from the now steamy shower as he left the bathroom with a towel around his waist.

"You look like the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen in my entire life. I love you so much, more than anything. How am I dating this gorgeous creature?” He dramatically leaned against my shoulder and I just laughed at my long time love.

“You’re just as pretty as me if not more so my love get over yourself.” I rolled my eyes at him lightly and he just shook his head at me.

“I’m still saying that you’re prettier. Oh! Before I forget this is your new purse.” He handed me a Flounder purse and my heart positively melted.

“Thank you!” I flung my arms around his neck with a bright smile on my face. He just kissed my forehead with a small loving smile.

“Now that you’re all gorgeous I feel inadequate, be gone with you.” He waved his hand dismissively and I laughed a little bit at him.

“Yes your highness, I have to put on makeup anyways.” I lightly stuck my tongue out at my boyfriend and went into our bathroom. Brushing my teeth and going through the rest of my morning routine I spun around in a small circle in the mirror. I truly felt like the mermaid turned princess in the getup that Miya had accumulated for me.

“It’s remarkable how you look even prettier to me without makeup on but you still look beautiful with it on. I know that you’re just wearing it for the aesthetic and the appeal to look more like your character.” I looked over at my boyfriend now fully dressed in his Erik attire. My heart skipped a beat at my childhood Disney prince come to life right in front of my very eyes.

“You clean up surprisingly nice, who are you and what have you done with my cat-boy boyfriend?” He sarcastically laughed at me but just jokingly flexed his slight muscles.

“Okay don’t go getting a bigger ego than my dad now. Black shoes where did I put you…” I muttered trying to find my black flats that would match the rest of this outfit since I couldn’t function in heels.

“They’re towards the back!” Miya yelled at me and I found the shoes in question and slipped them on getting on final look at myself in the mirror.

“You look absolutely breathtaking. Am I in heaven? Are you an angel Saki?” I blushed a bright pink and tried to use my hands to cover my face.

“Baby, don’t do that shit okay just look at me. Just look right at me. There’s nothing that you need to be embarrassed about around me. I know you, you’re my best friend. Just take some deep breaths with me before you get too far into your own head.” I followed the familiar breathing instructions and tried to follow his cadence for breathing. It always worked better when he was here holding me and making sure that I was breathing deeply and regularly to get me out of my own head.

“Did Haru tell you about his latest customer last night?” I shook my head and my boyfriend just laughed openly, one of my favorite sounds in the entire world.

“Oh god, so this Karen she came in demanding that he make her the tattoo of her baby’s birthday but when he was out of the right shade of pink that she wanted and he told her that she should come back when he had the color in stock, she threw an absolute hissy fit. Said that a cis person wouldn’t have made her go through all the trouble. Do you know what he said to her?” I shook my head knowing that whatever Haru had told her it had to have been a gold line.

“He said ma’am if I may be frank a cis person and a straight person would have thrown you flat on your ass the moment that you opened your mouth and started ranting about not having the right color of pink that you requested once you got here even though I asked you for colors a month in advance but luckily for you I have the patience of a saint and an amazing girlfriend who knows how to help me with my anger management.” I laughed openly totally getting this image of Haru doing Kyo’s count down from 10 to 0 just like in the Fruits Basket anime and manga.

“Thank you Miya that does make me feel so much better now that you told me something stupid. I love you.” I thanked him and he just lightly nuzzled his nose against mine taking a deep breath of my shampoo.

“There is nothing in this whole world that I love more than your laugh my sunflower.” He snuggled against me and I melted into the affection.

“I love your laugh too~ your laugh is so open and unabashed.” His hand entwined with mine and I squeezed his hand.

“I used to hate my laugh when I was a kid it wasn’t until I met you that I learned to love my laugh.” He intertwined his pinky finger with mine. When we had first started being friends we would constantly be holding pinkies when we were together.

“Well you know I was also self conscious of my laugh too. I love laughing with you though because our laughs are both equally loud and they balance each other out. Especially when you’re playing video games, come on amore mio let’s get out of here. Do you think that the boys can handle themselves?” I asked him and he just laughed a little bit at me.

“I think that Skimble can keep Berli in line. You both be good and we’ll be back later tonight.” He put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his side.

“Do you think that you’d ever go to your brother for another tattoo? Maybe a Little Mermaid one?” I nodded my head. I knew that I should ask my brother to design me another one since I did love the that I had.

“I’m going to call Haru tomorrow and make sure that he has an opening spot for me within the next few weeks. He’s usually really busy but I love supporting his small business.” Miya lightly rested his cheek against my hair.

“I’ll support you and squeeze your hand no matter what the pain is. I know that you can’t deal with pain very well.” My heart squeezed in my chest with a small smile on my face. No matter what I could always count on him to be there for me.

“I love you so much Miya.” He just sighed a little bit kissing my forehead with a small smile on his face. When he lightly guided me through the house and into the car he locked the car door.

“Okay, do you have everything that you need for the day? Nothing else?” I shook my head with a small smile on my face.

“Nope.” I popped the p and he just laughed at me pushing a lock of hair into my ponytail. I got into the car and looked through my bag to make sure that I had seen everything.

“I made sure that everything was in there before you left with it. Maybe some extra things as well.” He squeezed my hand as he pulled out of our apartment complex driveway with a small smile on his face. I opened the purse going through it. I saw the typical things, my phone, but towards the bottom I saw that there was a new set of bracelets, new earrings, and new lipstick there. He must have noticed that I was almost all out of my favorite shade of red.

“Thank you baby, this means so much to me.” He just kissed my hand that he was holding before pulling out of the hold so that he could focus on driving.

“It’s really no need to thank me sweetheart. I just wanted to see your smile. You can pick the music that we listen to.” He handed me his phone and my heart warmed when I saw the familiar lockscreen of me sleeping on his shoulder dead to the world. I went through our music just finding a playlist of my favorites and putting that on shuffle to make things easier for me. The only thing that wasn’t included here was Rush because I had them in their own separate playlist to keep it from being over 24 hours long. Hearing the familiar sounds of Journey’s love song that I had grown up hearing playing through the speakers.

“It’s our song…” Miya smiled nostalgically and I couldn’t help but smile at the memory. We had our own private prom since it was around the time when I got really into American culture and how it all worked. Miya had surprised me by doing such a simple thing and using our local skatepark but decorated for a prom for both of us.

“I’ve loved this song since I was a kid. It always had a special meaning for me. But for years I never really knew what until I met you. It was just a pretty song with lyrics that I loved.” I looked out the car window seeing so many childhood memories of going around the city when I first started skateboarding with my boyfriend. There were so many minor injuries but I wouldn’t change a thing about how I did it now.

“I didn’t know a lot of American songs before I met you. It was through you that you taught me about all different kinds of things. I found kindness in humanity again due to you. I was lonely before I met you and I-sorry I’m getting all sentimental.” I squeezed his arm with a small understanding smile knowing where he was coming from. When you’ve been dating the same person for the last eleven years of your life you learn all their little ticks. Miya’s was that he was surprisingly soft and sentimental.

“It’s okay amore I get it. Are you sure that today isn’t anything important that would make you more sentimental than usual?” He looked down at the steering wheel before sighing a little bit. He tucked a lock of dark hair behind his ear his eyes brimming with tears.

“It’s the anniversary of the day that you first talked to me…” I blinked my red eyes rapidly trying to turn back time and find out if he was right.

“It is? We don’t celebrate that one, how do you remember that?” He just nodded his head with a small smile on his face.

“I know that we don’t celebrate it but I always remember it. I loved you even back then when I was a petty eleven year old that hated the rest of the world for abandoning me. You didn’t give up though. Even when I ignored you when you tried to talk to me. You continued to press me for information about myself and why I loved skating so much.” Miya remembered the moments before we were friends and I just closed my eyes flashing back to that first day. I had seen a young skater when I was blading home from school in the skatepark that had done a rail slide down the railing. I thought that he was beautiful at skating. Little did eleven year old me know that she had just opened Pandora’s box and her life would change forever.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” He sighed but looked over at me with his sea green eyes traced with that worriment.

“I didn’t want you to think that I was some kind of creeper weirdo for remembering such a simple thing…” I instantly wrapped my pinky around his with a small understanding smile on my face covered up by a laugh.

“You really are an idiot. Miya, I’ll never think that you’re a creeper. You might be a weirdo but that’s my job to tease you and make fun of you lightly. I can’t blame you for remembering that first day that I reached out to you. It was the first time that somebody had given you an ounce of human kindness in a long time.” My longtime boyfriend’s worriment steadily went away but I still little traces of it in those eyes that I loved so dearly.

“I’ve been kind of low key panicking about that for a good chunk of the day so I’m glad about that.” I squeezed his arm with a small smile on my face.

“I get it okay? I panic all the time about the dumbest of things and I just overanalyze the hell out of my situation before eventually just coming to the conclusion that I am socially awkward and it’s a curse.” I joked and Miya just laughed at me.

“You are the farthest thing from socially awkward you just have to get yourself out of that little turtle shell of yours and open your mind to new ideas. I know that the concept is hard for you but you’ve come a long way from where you were. You were able to make a really amazing friend other than me two of them in fact.” He reminded me lightly kissing my forehead with a small smile on his face as he pulled onto the highway that would lead us to the next town over.

“It was more like Kayla picked me and you know it. I was so bad with friends at first at least least when they weren’t you. I’ve always been good at talking to you baby.” I saw the slight flush on my boyfriend’s cheeks.

“I think it’s because we’re both sort of wallflower loners but it’s okay. I always had you around so I couldn’t be lonely anymore after you came into my life.” I smiled softly at him pushing a lock of hair behind my ear.

“I never really needed anybody else other than you tesoro. You were enough to make me happy. Even during those years that we spent apart I just kept thinking that one day I’d come back to you.” He just sighed happily squeezing my hand with a small smile on his face.

“It was hardcore but I needed that time too. I think I of all people was too codependent on you and the friendship that you gave to me. I needed the opportunity to make friends of my own. That and to get my head on straight for what I wanted to do for work. I couldn’t rely on my gorgeous girlfriend forever for clout. I needed to learn how to provide for you.” I sighed a little bit fluttering my hands around in a small circle in front of me just needing something to do with all of this excess energy.

“You didn’t have to provide for me my darling. I can perfectly well provide for myself out here in the world. I love you but that’s the truth. I love that you enjoy what it is that you do for work. It’s fun for you and you always wanted to do something with video games. Being a streamer was always your dream job because then you could work from home.” As we drove into the town I could see the people gathering up their young children for the fair.

“Do you still want to adopt one day?” Miya asked me swiftly changing the subject and I nodded my head seeing a small girl outside walking between her mom and dad.

“I do want to have children and to give them a better life than the one that they’ve known. Maybe older kids and give them a place to call home. Nine year olds and up.” I thought to myself and my boyfriend just smiled softly.

“I rather like the idea of you caring for a smaller child though, one like that mom there.” He noticed and pointed out a young mother that was carrying what had to be a three year old child.

“I just think that you have really good maternal instincts Saki. I’d love to see you with a younger child. We’ll certainly adopt some older ones too but I want at least one less than five.” My heart melted at the idea of him as a dad. I knew the concept of fatherhood was foreign to him but I also knew that he would be amazing at it. He’d teach the kids to skate, play video games, show them various anime’s. He’d be the best nerdy father figure.

“Just keep the gooey stuff away from the baby.” I lightly warned knowing that he would but just wanting to lightly mock him.

“Oh please, I’m not stupid no matter how much you call me an idiot.” I lightly drew a small circle into my dress just trying to do something with my hands.

“Just because I call you an idiot doesn’t make you stupid caro. It means that you sometimes do things that are silly.” I reminded him lightly and he just smiled softly at me leaning his head against my shoulder with a hum.

“I know you do hey look sweetheart, there’s the amusement park.” I looked ahead of me and saw all the rides and attractions as well as the games that were ahead of the parking lot. Miya got out of the car first and rushed to open my door.

“I could have gotten it.” I protested and he just took my hand squeezing it encouragingly with a small smile on his face.

“It’s okay baby I wanted to get your door for you. Come on, let’s have some fun~” He sang song and I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. We walked together to the front of the ticket counter.

“Two tickets please.” I buried my head into my boyfriend’s neck with a small smile on my face. He must have sensed the light nervousness that I had about how this day was going to go.

“Are you the one who called in about the-“ Miya nodded his head rapidly making the mime to stop talking right then and there.

“The what now?” He just leaned his cheek against my hair wrapping his arm around my waist with a small smile on his face.

“Nothing Saki, it’s a surprise for later on today. I had a carriage ride planned out and this guy just ruined it.” He whined and I couldn’t help but feel tears come to my eyes at the amount of planning that must have gone into this. We were handed our day passes for the amusement park and we got them scanned as we went under the tunnel that led us to the bright and shiny main street.

“Excuse me lady, are you princess Ariel?” A small girl who couldn’t have been more than four years old asked me. I beamed down at the girl realizing that when Ariel wore this costume she didn’t talk.

“That’s not Ariel you idiot she has the wrong hair color.” The boy that the girl was with reprimanded his friend harshly and I felt a small shiver of panic go through me.

“My girlfriend might not be the real Ariel but she is a fellow Little Mermaid fan. Also brat, I’d watch your tone when you speak to her. She’s a lot nicer than you’ll ever be. You can’t treat people like you’re better than they are just because you feel superior.” I knew that my boyfriend felt like he was talking to a younger version of himself and my heart ached.

“It’s true, I’m not the princess that you want me to be. I’d still love to take a picture with you though if you still wanted to. What I’m doing right now, it’s called cosplay. I wear the costume of the character and it helps me to feel more confident. I’ve done with a handful of other characters but they all match my hair color.” I reasoned with the little tike in front of me and she just nodded her head at me grabbing her mother.

“Mama! She says that she’s a cosplayer.” The mother looked at me with a small sort of fake smile on her face.

“Oh did she now?” Miya’s arm tightened around my waist his protective nature coming through in full force.

“Mhm! She’s Princess Ariel today, she’s so beautiful isn’t she?” The mother just picked up her daughter and what looked to be her son.

“You are both despicable both claiming to be characters for the lives of young children.” I heard Miya mutter, maybe you’re just a despicable mother as I swatted his arm.

“Tesoro let’s just go. I can’t be around here anymore.” He just squeezed my hip as we walked together to him drawing a small circle there.

“Come on sweetheart, let’s just go and have fun. I see the carousel!” He encouraged as a distraction and he instantly led me over there. I saw a seahorse that was one of the riders that you could sit on.

“I’ll help you up there my light in the darkness.” He offered and I looked at him with an understanding smile on my face.

“I can get up there myself.” I whined and he just lightly squeezed my hand. I just knew that I had to let go and let him take care of me.

“I know that you can my love. I just wanted to help you out anyways.” Once the ride came to a stop he gratefully helped me up onto the seat of the horse that I wanted to ride upon.

“Oh my god that is the sweetest thing that I’ve ever seen in my entire life…” A middle aged woman came up to the two of us.

“I grew up watching that movie and I think that you’re absolutely adorable.” Miya squeezed my hand encouragingly.

“Thank you very much ma’am! I wanted to just surprise my girlfriend on her day off. She works as a head chef and is always busy working or her brain is running a million miles an hour.” I wrapped my arms around my boyfriend with a small smile on my face.

“You two are the cutest thing ever!! I love that so much, it reminds me so much of me and my beau. He runs the Disney carnival games.” My heart ached at the idea that there was a good chance that they both met here most likely.

“We’ll have to stop by there later once we get to the end of the day. I’ve been known to be quite a good at carnival games. I just don’t want to win her a giant stuffed animal and then have to carry it around all day.” He squeezed my hands and the worker just got teary eyed at the two of us before going off to start the ride. Carousels had always been my childhood favorite to ride with Haru since he got easily motion sick growing up. Now he was the biggest thrill ride seeker out there and so was Kayla.

“I love you angel, you’re so beautiful today. Don’t mind that stupid bitch of a mother she’s doing a shit job of raising her kid.” I laughed openly at my best friend. Leave it to the love of my life to realize things that I didn’t even think I was worried about.

“Are you okay though amore?” I asked him thinking about his lecture to that bratty kid who couldn’t have been more than four years old.

“I’m fine my light in the darkness. I just wanted to smack that kid upside the head so badly that I was barely restraining myself. How dare he say that any part of my girlfriend is unnatural looking!” He vented and I couldn’t help but laugh a little bit at him.

“Miya don’t let that stupid kid get to you. Let’s try and have a nice day okay?” He nodded his head squeezing my hand with a small smile on his face. The ride slowly came to a stop and the operator stopped us giving Miya a massive handful of tickets.

“These are good for any of the games that we have here on the house for being such couples goals. I’ll have to talk Jin into cosplaying with me one day.” I smiled gratefully at the young woman that had supported the both of us.

“Thank you very much ma’am!” I lopped my arm through his and leaned his head against my shoulder. We walked through the park and saw the carnival games that were set up and one booth caught my eye.

“Hey, I think that’s where that woman’s boyfriend works! Look at that massive flounder.” My eyes went all soft and misty when I saw the stuffed version of my favorite Disney side character all set up.

“I’ll win that for you.” Miya promised his fist clenched and I smiled softly at my boyfriend as he walked up to the worker with Jin’s name tag on it.

“Can you do me a favor, do you have more of the large Flounder’s?” Miya asked him and I saw the worker smile softly.

“I keep stock of all my stuffed animals if you want to win one for your beautiful princess. I can tell that she is the apple of your eye. I look at my girlfriend the same way she runs the carousel.” I smiled softly at him when Miya just lightly kissed my forehead but I moved to kiss him.

“We’ll be back by the end of the day to get that for her.” He promised Jin and he just smiled softly at us nodding his head.

“I’ll be looking forward to it. Have a nice day folks!” He got to talking with the next little girl in line to get a stuffed animal.

“I want to see if she gets her animal. If not I’ll get it for her.” Miya watched as the young girl struggled to hold up her gun and her shots went amiss.

“I’m going to go and talk to her.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face as I watched him go over to the little girl and lightly coach her on how it was done. He helped her to aim the gun so that she’d be able to hit the target.

“Your boyfriend is really good with kids. That’s my daughter.” A man pointed to the young girl with a lilt to his voice that I could tell he loved her.

“He’s always been amazing with children. I think it’s because he’s basically a big kid himself so he’s able to relate to them easier.” I smiled softly at my boyfriend as he cheered for the girl when Jin handed her the stuffed animal that she wanted.

“How long have you two been dating?” Miya put his arm around my shoulders possessively and pulled me closer to my side. I could tell that he was having a bit of a jealous fit but I thought that it was adorable.

“We’ve been dating for the last eleven years now back the hell off.” I laughed a little bit at my boyfriend rolling my eyes at him.

“Tesoro he wasn’t even flirting honestly how do I put up with you half the time when you act like this?” I asked him exasperatedly and he just melted into the touch of my hand against his cheek.

“You have nothing to worry about friend, I’m very much taken. I don’t even play for her team. That’s my husband.” He pointed to a man that was throwing basketballs into a basketball hoop game to win basketballs.

“We’ve been married for the last six years and recently adopted our first child the one that you just helped to win at that target game. I was just about to go and get my hubby to help her but you beat me to it.” Miya kissed my palm that was calming him down and he just sent me the loving smile that I initially fell in love with.

“Great job sweetie! You got the one that you wanted?” The little girl nodded and hugged my boyfriend who blinked owlishly in surprise.

“Thank you mister!! You really helped me and I appreciate it a ton.” She thanked him and he lightly patted the little girl’s head.

“It’s really no problem, I’m Miya, this is my longtime girlfriend Sakura.” He introduced me to the small girl in front of him and I got down on her level.

“Which stuffed animal did you get sweetheart?” She showed me the stuffed Marie that she had picked out and I couldn’t help but smile at the nostalgic value that character brought for me.

“Because I’m lady that’s why, excellent choice she’s always been a personal favorite of mine. We have a gray cat named Berlioz he named him.” I jerked a thumb at my boyfriend who just smiled at the two of us interacting.

“That was the first Disney movie that I ever saw. She showed it to me because I didn’t have the luxury of Disney movies growing up. I think that we are actually going to go and ride some rides, but you have a good day with your dad’s okay?” The little girl nodded her head with a small wave as I sighed wistfully at her retreating.

“That’s going to be us one day. I want to adopt kids so bad.” Miya just squeezed my hand with an understanding smile while pointing to a moderately intense looking rollercoaster.

“What about that one next baby?” I looked at the ride in question while nodding my head hesitantly. I had a feeling that the wind would probably majorly mess up my ponytail but it would be worth it. Miya loved rollercoasters and I loved hearing him laugh while he was on them. It never failed to light up my heart and live rent free in my head.

“Sure, it looks like you’d enjoy that one! Did you seriously buy a horse and carriage ride knowing that I’ve always wanted to do that?” He nodded his head with a light pink flush on his cheeks. I couldn’t help but lean that much closer to him wanting him to know what he had done really meant something to me.

“I wanted to surprise you and spoil you because I don’t get to do it very often. You don’t usually let me.” He whined plaintively and I couldn’t help but laugh at his childish nature.

“That’s because if I let you then you’d never stop wanting to. I can’t let you buy me everything caro. I have to take care of myself.” Miya took the hand that he was holding and pressed a gentle kiss to it as we got in line for the rollercoaster that he wanted to go on.

“You don’t have to do everything all by yourself. You’re not a one woman show you never have been. I know that you love having your independence and I wouldn’t want to take that away from you for anything in the entire world.” He reminded me lightly. I knew that he was right but it was my own stubborn sense of pride that got in the way of things sometimes.

“Sweetheart it’s alright to rely on me for certain things. Especially ones that I like to buy for you. Today I’m spoiling you and you’re going to lie back and not get your wallet out all day.” He swore jokingly and I couldn’t help but laugh at his over exaggerated nature of being a gentlemen.

“Okay okay cat-boy I won’t pay for anything. You didn’t have to jokingly threaten me or anything like that.” He leaned against me as the line moved forward ever so slightly. The day was rather crowded especially since it was a Friday afternoon. Once we got to the front of the line and Miya and I got to sit together at the back of the train. The train instantly started moving super fast and I closed my eyes.

“My light in the darkness open your eyes.” Miya encouraged me and he squeezed my hand and I instantly felt this shred of panic go through my body. When I looked over at my boyfriend he had a bright smile on his face. He was laughing loudly at the idea the rollercoaster and I felt my heart lighten.

“I love you.” I screamed over the rest of the sound of the rollercoaster and I laughed at him a little bit. He was beautiful.

“I love you too gorgeous!” He showed through his laughter. I knew that for the rest of the day I would be letting him pick the rides. Miya’s openness and his beauty was never something that failed to take my breath away. As the rollercoaster pulled into a stop and I pushed my hair into my eyes. I pulled my hair back into my ribboned ponytail.

“Was that ride too intense for you my love? Here, let me redo your hair.” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face.

“It was a lot of fun actually! I love watching you being happy. You can pick the rest of the rides that we go on~” I leaned into the touch of my boyfriend’s gentle hands running through my hair. He was always so gentle with me it was something that never failed to make melt positively into a puddle.

“Are you sure that you want to go on the rest of the rides with me choosing them?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face. I had desperately just wanted to hear my boyfriend laugh all day long. It had been so long since I had the opportunity to hear it for a full day.

“The next one will be more your speed!” Miya led me over to my favorite ride at the parks that would allow for me fly amongst the sky.

“You hate this ride…” He shook his head with a small smile on his face leaning against me. He leaned against my forehead with a small smile on his face.

“I don’t hate it, I actually rather love it. Mostly because you look so cute when you’re all happy like that.” He reminded me lightly as the line moved a lot faster this time around. Our buckle got put down and I instantly felt like flying. This ride always made me feel like I was on the back of a broom. Throughout much of my childhood this was one of the few rides that Haru actually enjoyed because it was soothing. Miya clung to my shoulder but I could still see that he was happy.

“Miya, look at the ground! You can see the whole theme park from here.” I looked down my breath being taken away by the beauty of everything in front of us.

“That is really quite beautiful. Nowhere near as beautiful as my company though.” I flushed a hot pink hearing the light laughter of my boyfriend against my head where his cheek was resting.

“It’s adorable that even after eleven years I can still make you just as flustered as I did when we were thirteen.” My heart squeezed in my chest and I just lightly rolled my eyes at him. We got off the ride shortly after but walked around back to the rollercoaster section of the park.

“Come on sunflower, that one looks not too crazy. There is a loop though if you don’t want to do that than I totally understand.” My boyfriend told me and I instantly felt this little shred of panic go through me. While I could handle rollercoasters I wasn’t the biggest fan of ones with loops. Still though, the idea of Miya’s laugh stuck in my head and I knew that if we went on the crazy coaster that I’d hear it again.

“I can handle it tesoro. I know that I can because I want to hear your laugh again.” He just smiled softly at me putting his arm soothingly around my shoulders.

“In my defense the only reason that I want to go on another thrill ride is so that I can do your hair again. I love doing your hair because it’s something that only you let me do.” Miya softly led me over to the line that was in front of a small rollercoaster.

“I am going to take it easy with you today because I want you to be happy more than anything. You’re my best friend.” My heart warmed at the idea of celebrating this day with the love of my life. It made me smile that he was actively caring about me and worrying about what I would want to do.

“Are you sure caro? You love rollercoasters…” He just smiled softly at me leaning his forehead against mine happiness in those sea green eyes of his.

“I do love rollercoasters but you know what I love more? It’s you. You’re everything to me sweetheart and going out of my way to make sure that you’re happy that’s the most important thing. I have one more surprise at sunset too.” I blinked at him. What was it with him today and surprises? I didn’t feel like I was worthy of all these various surprises.

“You stop that right now my darling, I already know where your mind is going.” He lightly kissed me and I just smiled softly into the kiss.

“I just don’t feel like I’m worthy of all these extravagant gifts…” Miya just squeezed my hand understandingly.

“It’s okay that you don’t feel like you’re worthy because I know you are. Sometimes our brains tell us things that simply aren’t true. Yours tells you that you’re a burden and that you aren’t worthy of the love and affection that you get from other people.” I sighed a little bit because damn it, my boyfriend had a good point.

“You’re right as per usual amore. I’ll be alright I promise. We’ll still have a great day! It’s just I need to to stop analyzing everything.” He lightly pulled me along the line and we got seated towards the front this time around. The entire day of riding rides, eating junk food, and just spending the day with my boyfriend was something more than I could have ever asked for.

“We’ll get your stuffed animal after this surprise.” My boyfriend told me getting out a blindfold. I looked at him curiously but put it around my eyes anyways.

“You are so lucky that I trust you tesoro.” I told him teasingly and he just squeezed my hand as he led me to some place where I could hear slight running of water.

“You can take the blindfold off now my love…” I looked at the river in front of us and saw a boat in front of me.

“Are we doing the scene?!” I asked him excitedly and he rubbed the back of his neck in his awkward tick. I squeezed his hand.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” I asked him rapidly and I heard his soft chuckle before he just pulled me to him into a hug.

“I’m fine. I’ve wanted to tell you something for a while. Since Christmas.” My brain did the math. Christmas was over eight months ago and it was now late summer just started to cool down into early fall.

“Let’s just get in the boat…” He carefully guided me into the row boat and slowly started rowing us away from the shore. “Miya what’s wrong caro?” I questioned trying to not let my worry seep into my actual tone and my boyfriend just filtered around his pocket.

“Saki… I had a script for this but I feel like now I’m just going to wing it.” I looked over at him as he took my hand and stopped rowing the boat.

“Ever since the first day that you started talking to me at school I’ve loved you. I might have been too much a stubborn brat to notice it at the time but it was always there. It was there in the way that you persisted and kept trying to talk to me even though I acted like a little shitbird and told you to leave me the hell alone. I didn’t know it at the time but that day going into Sia La Luce changed my entire life. It was the day that I saw this entirely different side to you. You weren’t just the snot nosed popular girl but you were passionate, outspoken, determined, independent, and absolutely the most amazing girl that I had ever met. After we started becoming friends part of me didn’t want it to end. It didn’t want for you to become friends with other people because I thought that they’d take my role in your life.” Miya started and I saw him reach into his pocket for something before taking his hand back out.

“When you told me that you loved me before I ever got the chance to tell you, I was pissed. I couldn’t have been man enough to tell you the way that I felt and you had to tell me in order to tell you. I promised myself that in that moment I’d never stop telling you how much I loved you. There aren’t enough words in any language or any dictionary for me to tell you how much I love you. Every day that I spend with you is the best day of my life. Before you came into my life I was living a life full of loneliness and I treated everyone around me coldly. You brought the warmth back into my life. You gave me a purpose that I could be a good enough person to consider your friend. I wanted you to not regret picking me that day. You could have remained the most popular girl in class but instead you decided to just be my best friend.” As Miya went on I saw him continue to fiddle with the item that was in his pocket that was bringing him so much anxiety.

“When we started dating I’ve never been happier. I got to hold your hand, kiss you, be with you all the time, and I could finally do something with the feelings that I had for you from day one of our relationship. Dating you all throughout high school and getting to be there for you through all that hell and all that anxiety. Through all the shit that my mom put you through when she made you feel inadequate everything you’ve stayed by my side. All I’ve ever wanted was to stay by your side for forever.” He reached into his pocket puling out the object that he was holding in there. It was a ring box. I gasped instantly feeling tears come to my eyes and start overflowing.

“Sakura Nanjo, will you make me the happiest man alive, and make me Miya Nanjo?” I felt the sobs leave me. I couldn’t believe that he had gone through all of this trouble to do something that he could have done at home. Taking me out on a boat to recreate my favorite Disney scene ever made just so he could do something as simple as propose to me.

“Is it too soon?! Shit- I knew that you told me that you wanted to wait until you were settled into your new job and everything and you’ve only been doing the pro chef thing for a little over a year now.” I instantly threw my arms around my future fiancé’s neck. I couldn’t allow for him to just continue stewing in self loathing.

“It’s a yes you idiot. Of course I’ll marry you. I’d love nothing else in this whole world. You’re incredible Miya Nanjo. Are you sure that you don’t want for me to take your last name?” I asked him my voice watery and he just shook his head at me tightening his arms around my waist.

“I love you so much Saki, thank you for everything. Thank you for saying yes to me and allowing for me to propose to you. Thank you for saying yes. The Chinen name means nothing to me. I’d much rather be a part of your family.” I softly played with the ends of his hair as he lightly cried against my shoulder. It broke my heart how his mother had never even cared enough to notice her son as anything more than a meal ticket.

“You are a part of my family baby, the best part of my family. You’ll always be part of my family okay? There isn’t a way in this earth that I would ever say no to you when you asked me to marry you. Did you really get a horse drawn carriage or was that just a cover for all of this?” My boyfriend laughed lightly against my shoulder where his head was resting.

“I did get you a horse drawn carriage woman chill I’m coming down from a panic attack.” I laughed a little bit at my boyfriend kissing him lightly.

“You really had nothing to worry about tesoro. Nothing would make me happier than being your wife. Absolutely nothing in the whole wide world.” I leaned my head against him with a small smile smile on my face as he sat back down.

“That was probably the most nerve-racking thing that I’ve ever done in my entire life.” I smiled understandingly at him squeezing his hand.

“You did not need to go this hard in your proposal Miya. I would have accepted a simple take out meal at home.” He squeezed my hand with a small smile on his face tucking a lock of pink hair into my ponytail.

“I know that you would have but I wanted to do something more special for you. Come on, let’s head out of here.” I smiled softly at him as he road back on the boat. I looked around at the atmosphere around the two of us.

“I still can’t believe that you did all of this for me… everything….” Miya just lightly cradled my cheeks in his palms kissing me.

“This is something that I wanted to do for you. I want to look after you and take care of you for the rest of my life. I love you more than anything in the entire world.” I repeated the sentiment and my heart melted as we repeated back toward the exit.

“Come on my light in the darkness. We need to get you onto that horse and get you that Flounder.” I cheered at the prospect of getting my stuffed animal as we stopped off at the carnival games. Jin waved us down and I smiled brightly at the worker.

“You already know what to do man, but this time for one of the big ones you need to hit it ten times.” Miya kissed me for luck and I went to sit down next to him. I watched as my boyfriend hit the target ten times in a row.

“Nice going! Okay, here’s your Flounder ma’am. Congratulations on the engagement!” He encouraged us and I squeezed the new stuffed animal that I had received. “Do you love him baby?” I nodded my head with a small smile on my face as I hugged my fiancé tightly. I looked down at the ring on my finger and saw the sparkling diamond there.

“It really is beautiful. It’s simple and not too big…” He nodded his head against my shoulder with a small smile on his face.

“I wanted to get you something simple but a to the same time something that you’d still enjoy.” I nodded my head gratefully as I leaned into the embrace of my best friend.

“Well you amore succeeded at picking out the perfect engagement ring!” I encouraged him. I had never been one for gaudy makeup or rings mostly because I preferred the simple and elegant things.

“I was so worried that you’d hate it…” I lightly cradled his cheek in my palm forcing him to look up at me.

“Even if I did for some weird reason hate the ring that you had picked for me, I would love it because it came from you. I don’t need some big fancy wedding. I’d prefer a smaller one with family and friends.” He nodded with a small huff of a laugh against my shoulder as I saw the horse and carriage that was up the road.

“Mr Chinen?” The horse driver asked us and my newly found fiancé nodded. Fiancé that was going to take some getting used to.

“Congratulations to you both!” The worker helped the two of us onto the back of the car. I squeezed Miya’s hand tightly throw my own.

“I love you, so much tesoro.” He kissed me lightly and rested his forehead against mine. He squeezed my hands in his.

“I love you too my savior, more than anything else on this earth.” The carriage road down the cobblestone road and I snuggled deeper into my fiancé’s arms. This had been the best day of my life. Hands down, no contest I’d do it all again.

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Love Her (Part 8)

Summary: Dean and the reader are recovering at home when they start to look over the paperwork for her to leave the system. Dean has a strange feeling though and when Sam takes a look, more than a few bombshells are dropped and the reader learns Dean’s still haunts him deeply...

Masterlist

Pairing: Doctor!Dean x foster daughter!reader

Word Count: 3,400ish

Warnings: language, mentions of death/fire, so much angst

______

“Y/N,” said Ana, rushing into your room early the next morning. You took a deep breath and rubbed your face in the dark room. “Nightmare?”

“Yeah,” you said, laying back down, staring at the ceiling. “What time is it?”

“About seven thirty. Why don’t you go back to sleep? Dean’s still passed out in bed,” she said.

“Are the twins up?” you asked.

“They’re finishing breakfast and then I’ll drop them off. You need something? You want some water?” she asked.

“I’m fine,” you said, rolling to your side, back to her. You felt the bed dip and you sighed. “I’m not in the mood for a talk.”

“You know, everyone in this house has nightmares. Everyone here has some kind of trauma. It sucks but those are the cards we all got dealt. But somehow we all wound up together.”

“Your point?” you asked.

“You have three people you trust. Rae and Ryan you know would never hurt you. Dean, you trust him to protect you, even if you’re not willing to admit it to yourself yet. I understand that I’ll have to earn it with you. But give me a little to work with,” she said.

“I don’t have much faith in people anymore,” you said.

“Yeah. I didn’t used to either. Then I met my husband Dan and he reminded me that there are good people out there. He died four years ago. Dean was…” she trailed off. You looked back over your shoulder at her.

“What?”

“He’s just a good man. He’ll put you three kids before the world,” she said. “I know how much he’s done for me. I hope you can put everything that happened behind the two of you and just be family.”

“Do you take care of him?” you asked. She nodded. “Good. I know there’s other things that happened to him. He deserves to be taken care of too.”

“I know you were eavesdropping the other night. Well, I figured it out eventually but those other things Dean and I might have discussed, let him bring them up,” she said.

“He and his dad used to fight a lot, right?” you asked.

“I’ll just say, you kids, and especially the fact that you are back, have helped him heal more than anything,” she said. 

“Ana,” you said. “I do like you. Be patient with me is all.”

“Y/N, I will be as patient as you need me to be,” she said, giving you a smile. “Don’t worry about me. Focus on you. I’m sure we can get to the point of doing our hair and gossiping and eating too much cheese and chocolate in our sweatpants. You two hang out and recover for now, okay?”

“Mhm,” you said.

“Alright. Head back to sleep for me. You need it.”

“Alright, you’re doing better,” said Dean after lunch, putting his flashlight away after checking your concussion again.

“You are such a worrier,” you said as you finished off the last of your ice tea.

“You took a hit that would have landed me on my ass. I’m just a tad concerned,” he said.

“Hey, when I’m all better, can I box again?” you asked.

“Yeah. I missed doing that with you,” he said. “I’m guessing you never kept up with it then.”

“No. I didn’t want to,” you said with a shrug. “Just did school and read a lot. Anything happen around here I don’t know about?”

“I don’t think so. Ryan and Rae play soccer. They’re advanced readers in school which is pretty awesome. Sam got a girlfriend, Eileen. I asked him to hold off on introducing you guys yet. I thought it was a lot of new at once,” said Dean.

“Thanks,” you said. The doorbell rang and you both turned your heads, Dean frowning. He walked over and you followed, Dean opening it to reveal Paula standing there.

“Dean,” she said, stepping inside.

“Paula. Your unannounced visits don’t have the best track record with us,” said Dean, narrowing his eyes at her.

“This is a routine conversation I have with any foster that turns eighteen,” she said. “May I?”

Dean waved his hands and she walked over to the living room, taking a seat on the couch as you crossed your arms in the chair, Dean walking over and standing behind you.

“Well you two look chipper today, don’t you,” she said.

“Whatever you’re talking about, she ain’t leaving,” said Dean.

“Y/N,” said Paula, opening up her bag and ignoring him. “I know your original intention was to stay in foster care as long as you were able to. However, this leaves you in the system technically and given your desire to stay with Dean, I’d recommend you leave the service. As you’re eighteen, you don’t have to have the requirements such as a home or income or-”

“Give me whatever I have to sign. I want out,” you said.

“I figured you’d want that,” she said, sliding over some papers. Dean picked them up off the coffee table. “Your signature isn’t required.”

“I want Sam to read these over first,” said Dean.

“It’s all perfectly standard,” she said.

“Paula. I’m having a lawyer look at these before Y/N signs anything,” he said. 

“Fine,” she said. “Call my office when she’s ready.”

Paula left without another word and Dean frowned.

“That was weird,” you said.

“You ever get a bad feeling about her?” Dean asked you.

“She’s not my favorite person in the world but I guess I don’t really know. Why?” you asked.

“She was always telling me not to contact you and not to tell you about your dad’s custody terms. The stuff with Rae and Ryan getting ripped apart shouldn’t have been that much of a possibility if she was willing to fight it. I always had this weird feeling about her after she took you away that night,” he said. “Even like with the doctor’s office thing. It all seemed odd to me.”

“Maybe you’re just worried,” you said.

“I hope so. We’ll have Sam look at this just to be sure.”

“Y/N, you didn’t sign anything, correct?” asked Sam in Dean’s office that night.

“No,” you said, giving him a look. “Why?”

“There’s a clause in here, a sneaky little one that would block all future adoption attempts, even as an adult. You could always fight back but it would likely take years if you’d...Dean,” said Sam, getting up when Dean left the room.

“I’m gonna kill her,” said Dean when you both caught up with him in the foyer, Sam grabbing his arm but Dean shrugged away and started pacing. “I’m gonna kill the bitch, I swear...she stole Y/N from me, from us.”

“We don’t know-”

“She stole her!” said Dean, fuming as Ana came out from their room and into the foyer. “She along with that asshole murdering convict hurt my kid.”

“Dean-”

“My daughter, Sam! For what? So the sick bastard could keep her? No, he wants to control her. I’d kill him too if I could get to him but I’ll settle for-”

“Dean,” said Ana, looking at you. “Calm down.”

Dean stared at her and laughed, throwing his hands up. You looked to Sam who was shaking his head.

“Last time I calmed down, my brother died,” said Dean, his face hard but you all heard the light waiver to his voice.

“Brother?” you asked. Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“We had a half brother,” said Sam quietly. “Dad…”

“Dad snuck out on mom once when we were kids. He got some other woman pregnant. No one knew until this other woman got cancer and died and here’s five year old Adam coming to live with us,” said Dean.

“That’s why you fought with your dad,” you said, Dean nodding.

“Couldn’t even wrap it up when he had to cheat. But mom was a saint through it all and by then, they’d worked their crap out so Adam became our brother. I was so angry with dad, we didn’t speak a whole lot for a few years. When I was twenty, us boys went camping. Adam was only eight at the time,” said Dean, swallowing hard. He opened his mouth to speak but you saw him hesitate.

“We got lost and we ended up getting separated,” said Sam. “I broke an arm, Dean dislocated his shoulder and Adam…”

“Adam fell,” said Dean. “And he got hurt and he didn’t wake up.”

Dean bit his bottom lip and looked away, putting his back to you when you saw him shudder.

“Things got bad,” said Sam.

“Dad thought I did it on purpose,” said Dean, his voice high and cracking a bit. You figured he was crying, even if you couldn’t see. “He was my little brother. I got one killed and nearly got Sam killed too.”

“Dean kind of stopped talking to us after he and dad had their blowout. I got a phone call every once in a while but that was it. It wasn’t until Joanna had her accident that everyone made up again,” said Sam. 

“You’re forgetting the part where dad thought I did it as payback because he got you out of the house first when it caught on fire when Sam was a baby,” said Dean. “I was fucking four and he thought…”

The house was quiet aside from Dean crying into Ana’s shoulder, her arms wrapped around him.

“He’s wrong,” you said, Dean wiping off his face before he looked back at you. “Your dad was wrong. I think he was angry and took it out on you. I’m sorry. I don’t think he thinks that anymore but he was wrong to ever say that. You’re kind and understanding and you care about people. You didn’t deserve any of those bad things to happen to you, no one in this room did. Everyone’s got their own fucked up shit to deal with and you could have forgotten about me. But you didn’t. You protect me and you make sure I’m safe and I know it’s okay to be a complete mess because you’re always there for me and I think your dad should realize that you’re the kind of parent every kid needs. I need you.”

He gave you a smile, one you remembered seeing when Ryan called him dad for the first time. You weren’t ready for that but for the first time since your mom had died, you knew it in your core that someone loved you unconditionally.

“So listen to Ana and just take a breather. It’s okay. I’m okay. We’ll talk to the office and get it all worked out,” you said. He nodded and Ana took him by his arm back to their room, Sam looking down at you.

“Let’s make her life hell,” said Sam. You blinked slowly at him. “She fucked with you, she fucked with all of us. She’s gonna pay for that.”

“Is he okay?” you asked.

“No,” said Sam. “No, he’s not. He doesn’t talk about Adam. It’s too raw for him. But what you said meant the world to him. He will be eventually. I can guarantee he’s going to be holding onto what you said while he rides through this one though.”

“Can you stay over tonight?” you asked.

“Yeah. I wasn’t really planning on going anywhere, kiddo,” he said with a smile.

“Thanks, Sam,” you said, giving him a hug.

“We have to talk some more about this stuff so I can start to work a timeline. You okay to do that now or do you want to wait until tomorrow?” he asked.

“Maybe tomorrow. I’m not in the mood right now,” you said.

“Alright. I’m not much either,” he said. “Why don’t you take a hot shower and call it an early night? I’ll be up in the guest room if you need me.”

After your shower, you lay in bed for awhile, watching the clock tick by until it was after eleven. You got out of bed and wandered down to Dean’s room. The door was open a crack and you caught Ana’s face, getting a wave inside from her. Dean was passed out beside her with his head buried in her side, her hand in his hair.

“You guys okay?” you whispered. She nodded and smiled.

“He’ll be okay. I’m going to stay home tomorrow. You?” she said back.

“I’m okay,” you said, giving her a smile. “I just wanted to check.”

You turned around and left, just out of their side of the house when you felt arms wrap around you.

“S’not your job to worry about me, sweetheart,” said Dean quietly.

“We’re family. It’s always my job,” you said. You felt a half-laugh, half shaky breath against your back. He kissed the top of your head and gave you a big hug. 

“Thank you for checking on me,” he said. “Now go to bed for me unless you need me for something.”

“I’m okay, Dean,” you said.

“You sure? That was some pretty big news we found out tonight about Paula,” he said.

“I’m more concerned with you,” you said.

“I’m okay. I will be,” he said. “I never wanted to tell you like that. It’s not something I talk about really.”

“It’s okay. I cry too,” you said.

“I love you so much, sweetheart,” he said. “Go on now. Bedtime.”

He dropped his arms away and you headed down the hall, spinning back around quickly. He was already gone though and you went back to your room, climbing under the covers.

“Good morning,” you said when Ana and Dean walked into the kitchen. “Sam took the twins to school and I helped make breakfast.”

“You didn’t have to do that, sweetheart,” said Dean as he went past and ruffled your head.

“Sam did most of it,” you said as Ana grabbed herself a few plates for her and Dean.

“Well thank you sweetheart,” he said, taking a seat at the counter. 

“He looks better,” you said quietly as you got him some coffee.

“He is. Mostly. Still upset about the whole Paula situation for the most part,” said Ana.

“I know you two are talking about me,” said Dean.

“Periods, babe,” she said as she spun around.

“Oh,” he said, Ana smirking when her back was to him. “I mean...is something wrong? I’m a doctor and a big boy. You guys can talk about that in front of me.”

“Yes, we were talking about you,” laughed Ana. “Take the hint next time, De.”

“I was buying tampons for her before you,” said Dean.

“I didn’t realize you were an expert,” said Ana. “You guys go bra shopping too?”

“He hid outside the store,” you said.

“Listen, that I have no medical expertise on,” said Dean.

“He tried,” you said with a smile, setting his coffee down in front of him.

“Yeah, I tried,” he said, curling an arm around you waist as he took a sip, giving you a side hug.

“Dean,” said Ana, sliding a plate of food over to him. “Eat some food.”

He released you and you walked around to sit up on the kitchen island, your own coffee in your hands as you watched them eat.

“Are you two gonna stare at me all day?” he said with a mouthful of eggs.

“You got hedgehog hair,” you said, staring at him as he chewed slowly.

“Rabbit,” he said.

“How is that even a tease?” you asked.

“You both look like hedgehogs,” mumbled Ana.

“You’re one to speak,” said Dean.

“I better be a cute hedgehog,” she said. “Wait, I thought I was a fox.”

“Cause you got red hair and foxes are cute but you know, it could kill you if it wanted to,” said Dean. 

“I’m okay with a fox,” she said. “You know foxes come in more than just red. Y/N could be a baby fox.”

“I ain’t a baby fox,” you said.

“That’s right, she’s a baby wolf,” said Dean.

“Why am I baby? I am quite literally an adult now,” you said. They looked at one another and then back at you.

“Baby,” they both said, breaking into smiles.

“I’m not a baby!” you said.

“You’re cute like a baby,” said Ana.

“Come on, baby wolf. Still badass,” said Dean.

“Can I at least be like, teenage wolf?” you asked.

“Baby wolf. You don’t get to pick your own animal kid,” said Dean.

“At least I’m not a baby sloth,” you said.

“Ryan’s a goat,” said Ana.

“Naturally,” you said with a laugh. “He still loves his goats?”

“Oh yeah. I think we’ve gone to the fall festival like every weekend so far this year,” said Dean. “What did we pick for Rae? Crocodile?”

“Yeah. She bit a boy at the park,” said Ana as she ate.

“I was proud but had to pretend to be mad,” said Dean. “Some kid was bullying her so she showed him who’s boss.”

“A bully?” you asked.

“I mean, it wasn’t too long after you left. She and Ry were complaining to another kid that they missed you and the kid started to make fun of them and Ryan started crying and he ran over to me and I just saw Rae bite this kids arm and yeah, our baby of the family is a scrapper apparently,” he said.

“She’s tough,” you said.

“I always thought Ryan was the hard one until you left,” said Dean. “Turns out they’re both hard.”

“Do you still read to them?” you asked. Ana smiled and took a sip of her coffee, glancing at Dean.

“No, not so much anymore. They like to read on their own. They’re both very good. They’re always coming home with books from school,” he said.

“Dean says you’re a big reader,” said Ana.

“The foster kid normally doesn’t get to pick what to watch on TV. Books are free from the library,” you said.

“You want a TV for your room?” asked Dean. 

“You don’t have to,” you said.

“We’ll get you one. Unless you’re a fan of constant cartoons,” said Dean. You nodded and they returned to eating, Ana eyeing Dean every so often.

“Yes, honey?” he asked.

“If I leave you two alone to run to the grocery store for an hour are you good with that?” she asked. 

“Mhm,” he hummed.

“We’ll be okay,” you said.

“Alright. I’ll try not to be too long,” she said.

Fifteen minutes later the house was quiet and you’d gotten dressed, in a pair of leggings and a baggy shirt, wandering down to Dean’s room to find him lying on the bed and staring at the ceiling.

“Hi,” you said.

“Hey.”

You climbed on top next to him, rolling onto your side.

“How’s the cheek today, sweetheart?”

“Okay,” you said. “Are you okay?”

He turned his head and shook it.

“Not really. Go get your jacket,” he said. “I want to go somewhere.”

_____

A/N: Read Part 9 here!

#spn #supernatural #dean x foster daughter!reader #series #au #dean winchester

[buffyversefanfiction]

Slayer of Slayers

Warnings:I do not own, nor do I claim to own any of the copyright or characters within the Buffyverse which includes but not limited to the television shows Buffy and Angel, as well as the Darkhorse comics series’ continuation.

15+ Strong to moderate violence, Graphic to mild descriptions of gore, and torture, sexually charged scenes, sexual innuendos, mild to strong language, and practices of witchcraft.

M/M, F/F, M/F, GEN, OTHER +

PART FIVE LINK HERE

Part Six - What You Left Behind

Theo Frey had confronted his parents Buffy and Angel, fought with them, and even almost killed one of them, but in the end, he could not find himself capable of the kill despite managing many kills before that. If anything, he had thought he would only become more ruthless after becoming a vampire but clearly things were not that straightforward, but could it really be that dying made him more human? No, surely not he thought as he ran out of the backdoor of his former family home only to find himself hit by a shovel to the head, not seeing where it came from, or who was holding the shovel, as everything suddenly went to black…

Ruby Moon, the former best friend of Theo Frey, joined Theo when he first left Riverborn to become a lackey for the deranged vampire Drusilla in a bid to protect her best friend but instead, she too found herself briefly seduced by the darkness, of the magical kind, but as she spiraled further and further into the dark acts she began to see changes within herself she did not like and soon she started to see Theo experience the same changes at the hands of Drusilla and her right-hand guy Tobias. She had tried multiple times to convince Theo to run away with her, but he was in too deep and so the young witch was forced to save herself, leaving her best friend behind, as she returned home to Riverborn to live a relatively normal life which led to her graduating from Riverborn High, going on to college, and marrying her best friend’s former crush Lucien Knight but through all the changes, and developments in her life, she could never shake the guilt of not being able to save Theo from the crutches of Drusilla and Tobias. Her now-husband Lucien Knight’s life was as far from normal as possible going on to join a top-secret government organization run by ex-initiative operative Riley Finn, an organization which unlike the initiative itself worked alongside slayers, witches, and even werewolves to achieve their mission, protect the innocent. Ruby and Lucien’s relationship started out as a friendship formed in the wake of losing Theo but grew over time into something more solid, eventually leading to the two falling in love and getting married, a marriage that nobody saw coming but somehow worked very well for the two of them. “Well, if it is not the witch who loves to ditch…” Theo said as he awoke to find himself chained to Ruby and Lucien’s bed within their bedroom, as the husband and wife stood above him, hovering over him, clearly revealing themselves to be Theo’s kidnappers. “I heard you two got hitched but has the marriage already gone that stale you’ve started chaining folk up to the bed?” “I never ditched you, Theo, I pleaded you to come with me, but you made your choice, you were never going to leave that life because you believed you had nothing left in your old life, but you always had me,” Ruby replied to him, making it clear to her friend that she never left him out of choice. “I never should have left you and for that, I am truly sorry, but I cannot allow you to just keep hurting people especially now you’re a vampire.” “You may have left but you did not leave with clean hands dearest friend, or have you forgotten your own kill count?” Theo responded, taunting the witch who at one stage in his life was his best friend. “And as for the whole vampire thing, am I wearing a sign or something?” “Once you have been around enough vampires you start being able to spot them,” Lucien said, finally breaking his silence and adding something to the hostile conversation. “Drusilla manipulated us both got me so hooked on magic I could not think straight but your drug of choice was vengeance, towards people she wanted you to hate, and you did everything she said,” Ruby argued with Theo, before going on to say. “I also know you still have a soul somehow which means despite all the odds, all she did to you, to us, that you are still able to be saved.” “Listen love if your conscience stopped you from getting dirty with the big players that are on you and nobody else but do not go blaming one vamp for your miserable life which includes marrying my sloppy seconds.” Theo cruelly mocked his former friend, as well as her marriage to his former lover. “You are not the guy I grew up with, you stopped being him the day your parents died but that does not mean you cannot ever be him again,” Ruby responded, refusing to react to his attempts to infuriate her. “I know you better than everyone, including those vampires who you claim as family…and I know somewhere deep down you are still a good person.” “And if you prove us wrong…if you really are too gone to be saved…then before the day is over, I’ll slam open those curtains and watch you burn

until there is nothing left on that bed except for your ashes.” Lucien warned the vampire, making it clear that he was ready to save or kill him.

Buffy sat on the doorstep of her son Theo’s adoptive family home, the place he grew up, as she remained shaken by her first meeting with her son, the hatred he had for her, the fact he was now undead just like his father, and the opportunity he had to take her out and was not unable but unwilling which meant despite all the darkness residing within her son there was still some light in there somewhere. “There’s no sign of him anywhere my guess is he’s hiding out while the sun is out who knows maybe he will come back tonight,” Willow said to Buffy as she sat down on the doorstep next to her friend. “I do not think he’s coming back, not again, the only reason we found him this time is that he wanted to be found and something tells me he may never want to be found by us again,” Buffy replied with a saddened sigh, speaking for the first time since her confrontation with her son. “I will find him, Buffy!” Willow promised the slayer, making it clear she was not giving up on Buffy’s son anytime soon. “I do not know when or where but I promise you I will not stop until I find and help him, the proper way this time with no slayer prisons.” “I hope your right Will, I hope we can get through to him, but what if we can’t?” Buffy cried, feeling defeated not only by her son’s hatred towards her but the guilt she felt for the tragic life he lived without her being there to protect him. “I wonder if he came back here for any other reasons, I mean he grew up in this town, right? I know his parents are dead but what about other family members? Or friends he may have grown up with? We should go to the High School, wait till night-time, of course, break-in, and hack into the school system to find out what year he was in, who he was in with, and possibly look for some old files, photos, or perhaps a yearbook to see who his people were.” Willow suggested, hoping to give Buffy hope. “At the very least you’ll get to learn more about your son before his world got torn apart and maybe there’s something in that information which could help us help him in the long run.” Buffy’s face lit up for a moment as she wiped the tears off her face, realizing that Willow’s idea was a stroke of genius, that maybe just maybe learning more about Theo’s life before everything went to hell, that maybe it would help her understand her son more perhaps even get through to him, or who knows to find somebody within this smalltown who could get through to her son.

“I guess a lot has changed since our days in High School judging by the fact you have a vampire shackled to a dead and it seems normal to you,” Theo said to Lucien, as the vampire remained chained to Lucien and Ruby’s bed within their bedroom, as he began plotting his escape as he noticed the sun starting to set. “After you left town with Ruby everyone just assumed you went crazy and killed your parents, then this team of specialists took over the case, and before I knew it, I found myself embroiled in the mystery of it all leading to the supernatural being my day-to-day job I guess,” Lucien replied to the vampire he once loved. “I joined a private organization specialized in working with, helping, and hunting the supernatural from time to time, by the time the whole world had realized what the hell was going on around us I was already working to help solve the problem…problems.” “One could say you chased after me and settled for the rest of the supernatural…and that is clearly not all you settled for…” Theo teased the first man he ever loved, before going on to ask. “Do you remember the last time we were together?” “You mean when you asked me to skip town with you? It’s not something someone easily forgets.” Lucien admitted reluctantly, piquing Theo’s curiosity. “Do you ever wish you came with me?” Theo asked, intrigued to know the answer. “No!” Lucien answered honestly. “But I do wish I found a way of making you stay…” “Probably a good thing you did not join the party you probably would have just wound up addicted to the magics like Ruby or a soulless vampire like the rest of the gang,” Theo told Lucien, before going on to say. “I know you did not take a vamp hostage without getting in some blood…and I’ve not eaten in a while…do not worry I won’t bite, as long as it’s not pig blood you’re serving.” And just like that Lucien went downstairs towards the kitchen to get fresh blood in a pouch bag from the local hospital that Ruby and he acquired before abducting Theo, and began pouring the blood into a glass, knowing Ruby said not to feed him until she got back, but foolishly believing he was getting through to his ex, which is of course exactly what Theo wanted him to believe. Lucien returned to the bedroom, a glass of blood in hand, ready to feed Theo, unwittingly becoming prey to the predator, as he reached out to hand Theo the glass, Theo grabbed a hold of him and pulled him into his grasp with all his force, Lucien unable to break free from the vampire’s hold. “You smell as good as you did back then!” Theo stated as his face turned into full vampire mode and he sunk his teeth into his ex-lover’s neck, draining him of his blood but cautious not to take too much, after all, Lucien was his leverage for his latest prison break.

Elsewhere in Riverborn, Buffy, Angel, and Willow had waited for the sun to go down before breaking into Riverborn High School, specifically the principal’s office, as the slayer and vampire worked their way through endless files within filing cabinets while leaving the computer hacking to the tech-savvy witch who was more than willing to hack or spell her way into gathering as much information about Theo Frey as possible. “Well, I’m in the records regarding his grades before dropping out and they’re quite impressive, not like Willow Rosenberg impressive but not far off either, perhaps he would’ve got there if he finished school,” Willow informed Buffy and Angel as they continued searching through the school files. “I’m going to load up reports, detentions, warnings, etc.… to see if there is anything about who his circle was, and if not, thankfully the yearbooks are now all online these days so that should show us actual pictures of his friends…if he had any that is.” “Can you print out any pictures you find of him?” Angel asked the red-headed witch nervously. “I know it may sound weird, but I have hardly any pictures of Connor before everything…it’d be nice to have some of Theo, even one picture.” “Of course, the minute I get to viewing I’ll get to printing!” Willow replied awkwardly, knowing she was partially to blame for Angel not seeing his son Theo grow up over the years. “Print me out some copies too!” Buffy said with a sense of sadness, knowing pictures were all she could ever have of her son’s past even if it would never make up for all the time, she had lost with him.

Meanwhile, back at Ruby Moon and Lucien Knight’s marital home, Ruby had just walked into the horrifying scene of a shackled Theo in full vampire face, strangling an unconscious Lucien, with bite marks on the victim’s neck, as Theo held his neck tightly with both hands, ready to snap his ex’s neck if Ruby so much as made one single move wrong. “Girl, he was all fine and funky for our teenage selves but we’re playing in the big games now and humans are just so fragile and expendable.” Theo taunted his former friend, as he applied more pressure on an unconscious Lucien’s neck. “But that does make awfully good cannon fodder…” “Please do not hurt him, Theo!” Ruby pleaded with the slayer of slayers turned vampire. “You do not want to hurt him!” “Maybe I do or maybe you want me to, after all, what kind of wife does not take the husband’s name and I know we’re all modern now, but he did not take your name either,” Theo responded knowing he had the brown-haired witch exactly where he wanted her. “But what would I know about marriage? All I know is you’re about to be a widow if you do not get these chains off me right now.” “If I do let you go what’s going to stop you from killing him anyway and then me?” Ruby asked him, knowing the chance of either her or her husband surviving this ordeal was rather slim. “You can either choose to believe there is still enough humanity in me to not kill my former best friend, enough to stop me killing a man I once love, or believe me to be the monster I truly am,” Theo stated before chuckling sinisterly. “Not like you really have a choice…” A choice Ruby did not have, she’d either not free Theo and watch him kill her husband, or free him and hope he does not kill them both, and so she released Theo from his chains and to her surprise, the vampire just left, without attacking, or threatening her, he just walked down the stairs, out the house, and out of sight, without any intention of bringing her any harm, and whether he meant to or not at that moment he had convinced the witch that now more than ever her best friend was still in there somewhere, and perhaps just perhaps, she had grown a little closer to bringing him back.

Following breaking into Riverborn High, Buffy, Angel, and Willow had discovered some more information about Buffy and Angel’s son Theo, learning he was quite the academic achiever, never missed class until he dropped out that is and was always with his friend Ruby Moon, who just so happened to go missing the same time as Theo, the difference being that Ruby returned to Riverborn less than a year later. With their new information, Buffy and Willow waited until the next morning to track Ruby down, hoping she had more information about Theo, or even hoping he had reached out to her after returning to his hometown, not realizing they had missed Theo himself by a matter of a few hours. “I’m not saying this friend is going to be the answers to all our problems but at least she is going to provide answers in general about your killer kid.” Willow tried to reassure Buffy as she knocked on the door of Ruby and Lucien’s front door. “If she’s willing to speak to us that is,” Buffy replied as Lucien opened his front door to the vampire slayer, and witch. “Willow Rosenberg, my wife is a huge fan of yours.” Lucien greeted them, instantly making it clear he knew who Willow was, before going on to say. “And I’m guessing by your blonde-haired companion that your Buffy Summers.” “I guess the government constantly trying to hunt us down makes us kind of famous everywhere now,” Willow said, surprised by the stranger’s sudden knowledge of her and Buffy, remembering how much things had changed for them both in recent years. “I work for Riley Finn; he talks highly of you both,” Lucien admitted to them both. “I do not think I’m supposed to say who I work for but oh well you are friends of his, so I hope that saves me from being fired.” “Talking of your wife being such a fan, is she in we kind of need to talk to her about a certain situation.” Willow wondered, eager to get to Ruby and get some answers for Buffy and Angel. “My wife is going to be super pissed she missed you, but she’s gone out of town…” Lucien began to explain as Buffy noticed the bite marks on her neck, assuming correctly that Theo had left his mark. “He’s been here, hasn’t he? Theo Frey, the slayer of slayers, and now newly turned vampire.” Buffy questioned him knowing she was getting somewhere. “We are looking for him and if you have any leads…” “I was worried that one day he pissed off the wrong slayer…I’m sorry Buffy I really because trust me after him taking a chunk out of my neck and getting my wife into all sorts of trouble I would happily hand him over to you but my wife’s convinced she can get through to him so I can’t be the one to get him killed, she would never forgive me.” Lucien apologized, assuming that Buffy and Willow were there to kill the slayer-turned vampire. “I do not want to kill him I want to stop him from killing others,” Buffy replied urgently. “Please, he’s my son I just want to help save him from himself before it’s too late.” “Hold up…Theo Frey is Buffy the vampire slayer’s son? I mean we all knew he was adopted but his birth mother being the legend herself.” Lucien responded looking gobsmacked by Buffy’s revelation. “Yeah, she’s his mum and Angel’s his dad but right now all we need from you is to tell us where he’s heading so we can safe your wife from being his latest target and hopefully save him too.” Willow snapped at Lucien, making it clear he had to tell them all he knew. “Where is he going?” “Back to where he considers home or that’s at least what Ruby reckons, back to the city of angels so to speak,” Lucien revealed to them both, as the slayer, and witch realized Theo had gone back to the last place he considered himself happy, the demonic dive bar he had with his recently dead lover Tobias.

Several days later, a determined Ruby walked into the infamous demonic dive bar located within a shady alleyway somewhere in the city of Los Angeles, stunned to see the place almost in ruins, having been wrecked during Theo’s showdown with Faith and not being fixed since. She looked around at the place she knew Theo would have loved running especially with Tobias and for a moment she felt saddened by Tobias’ death, not because she felt sorry for the vampire himself but because she knew how much Theo loved him, and how rare it was for Theo to care about anyone especially after the death of his parents. “I personally never got the appeal of Tobias; I mean he was painfully beautiful of course but other than that I really did not get it,” Ruby claimed as she found Theo staring into thin air, sitting at a corner table of the bar looking somewhat defeated. “But I get he meant something to you and for that, I am truly sorry.” “Listen, witch, I gave you a free pass for old times sake but if you are going to keep pestering me, I’m going to have to kill you,” Theo replied to his friend as he turned to look at her, his eyes clearly red raw from crying. “Have you ever wondered how Drusilla randomly just showed randomly show up into our lives the same night your parents were mysteriously murdered by a vampire? Does not take a genius to figure out she’s your parents’ killer and something tells me deep down you already know that.” Ruby replied to the vampire, revealing to him what she already believed he knew and just did not want to admit. “Do you not think that thought crossed my mind a hundred times?” Theo snapped at the witch, as he rose from his chair furiously. “Dru said she saw it coming and did not stop it which was a hard pill to swallow but I did…but Tobias promised me that she never took their lives and I believe in him more than I’ve ever believed in anyone.” “Well, your undead lover not only lied to you about Dru killing your mother but according to strong evidence from a corporation who specializes in the supernatural he may have killed your father or at least knows the vamp who teamed up with Drusilla to take out your parents,” Ruby confessed to the slayer of slayers, refusing to let him be in denial any longer. “Face facts Theo if your parents never died then you would never have run off with them and they knew it! I get you to want vengeance so how about you get it on the bitch who really deserves it?”

#buffythevampireslayer #btvs #buffy #angeltheseries #darkhorsecomics #buffyverse #buffyfandom #buffyfamily #angelfandom #angelfamily #buffyfanfiction #angelfanfic #fanfiction #fanfic #buffysummers #angel #willowrosenberg #originalcharacters #vampireslayers #vampires #witches #werewolves #monsters #creatures #demons #part6 #partsix

[belorage]

Wes for the full clear on the OC asks? 😘😘😘

— OC QUESTIONS

BASICS

What’s their full name? Wesley Daniel Brooks

What does their name mean? Why were they named that? Wesley means “western meadow,” Daniel means “God is my judge,” and Brooks means “stream.” You can find my real world reasoning for choosing his name here. As for the canon reasoning, Wesley is a family name on his father’s side and Daniel is a good Christian name. 

Do they have any nicknames? Lots. Wes is the big one (Hwes if you’re Hurk Jr.), Rook, Dep (Deputy if you're as extra as John Seed), Bright Eyes (Raf only), Sundance (Nick only), Darling (Lyra, when she’s being cheeky), and probably a handful more that I’m forgetting.

How old are they? 28, almost 29 as of the start of FC5.

When’s their birthday? November 11, 1989

What’s their zodiac sign/element/birthstone/etc.? Do they believe that holds any significance? Scorpio sun, Aries moon, Aquarius rising. Year of the snake. Birthstones are topaz and citrine. He isn’t aware enough of any of this to believe in it.

What’s their species/subspecies? Do they have any special/magical abilities? He is a natural disaster in human form. His special ability is that he somehow manages to survive that for as long as he does.

What “class” do they belong to (for fantasy characters)? If none, what weapon do they favor? A revolver (Steel & Ivory), a sawed-off shotgun (Sin Eater), or basic hand-to-hand. Close combat is preferable to range. He also uses homemade C4 in his tireless crusade against cult infrastructure.

APPEARANCE

What do they look like? He’s 6′3″, has brown-ish hair (specifically, a warm golden bronze color) and hazel eyes with long eyelashes. Fit, moderate-to-lean build. Sharp features, angular jaw, a pronounced Cupid’s bow. He has the facial hair of a man who has forgotten to shave for two weeks, because he is—you guessed it—a man who has forgotten to shave for two weeks.

Do they have a face claim? Tomas Skoloudik

What’s their style like? Clothes, hair, makeup? Casual clothing—flannels (often tied around the waist), t-shirts, henleys, jeans, boots, jewelry (gold, leather), leather jacket, cargo jacket. His hair is messy and soft, just like he is, because he doesn’t overload it with hair products unlike some people. He’s got an ouroboros tattooed around the lower part of his right forearm and (universe-dependent) John and Lyra’s names on the inside of his wrists.

How do they carry themselves? What’s their default expression? He attempts to project swagger and indifference, but to anyone who knows him and is paying attention, he’s an open book. In a comfortable environment, he’s loose and casual. His default expression is fixated if he has something to occupy his mind and distant if he doesn’t.

Do they have any physical ailments or disabilities? No, but he’s got bruises and flesh wounds aplenty! He’s got bite marks and scratches galore! You want knife-slashing scars? He’s got twenty. But who cares? No big deal. Wes wants mooooore! 🎵

PERSONALITY

What’s their alignment? Chaotic Good/Chaotic Neutral

Which one of the 16 Personality Types do they fit into? ISFP

What are their hobbies and interests? Do they have any particular “favorites” (food, books, and so on)? I answered for his favorite films and TV here, and his favorite book is Watership Down. He likes the Beatles and bar snacks and black coffee. His favorite cultists are Lyra, John, and Shaggy—please don’t judge him.

What are they bad at? Dancing!

What kind of things do they dislike/hate? Hates being controlled, dislikes very sweet things.

Do they have any vices/addictions/mental illnesses? Impulsiveness, reactive behaviors. He smokes and drinks, although neither of those are done with a shocking amount of excess. Previously, harder drugs. 

What are their goals and motivations? Freedom and acceptance.

What are their manners like? Any habits? He’s not a jerk; he has passable manners when the situation calls for them, but Emily Post would like him not. His habits are covered in much more detail here, but the big one is that he tends to busy his hands and/or mouth with things wherever possible.

What are they most afraid of? Rejection, abandonment, enclosed spaces, death (specifically, the possibility of an afterlife). 

BACKGROUND

Where were they born? What was their childhood like? Born in Hope County. He was an only child and his home life was suspect, but made moderately more bearable by his best friend. Once he realized trying to please his father was a losing battle, he said hell yeah to a downward spiral of rebelliousness and troublemaking.

What’s their family like? His dad was a jerk of the sort that would never be satisfied. Big on toxic masculinity, short on acceptance. His mother loved him, but she fell in line more often than not.

What factions or organizations are they a part of? What ranks and titles do they hold? Hope County Sheriff’s Office (probationary sheriff’s deputy), Hope County Resistance (figurehead, pot stirrer, problem magnet). 

How do they fit into their “story”? Barely. Next question. I hate to use this word yet again, but it’s the only one that fits: his story is mostly about acceptance—self, fate, fault, sorrow, joy—because as much as he desired acceptance from others, he denied a lot of it for himself.

Where do they currently live? What’s their place like? He grew up in the Silver Lake trailer park, way up on the northeastern end of Holland Valley, near the Whitetails. For the duration of the game timeline, I picture him spending more time crashing where he can—with the Ryes, in the woods, wherever—but his own place would be sparse and fairly untidy, with clothes tossed everywhere. 

How do they eventually die? Wesley intends to live forever. How dare you insinuate—

RELATIONSHIPS

Do they have any friends? Would they consider anyone to be their best friend? Within the timeline of the game, he has quite a few. Raf is his best friend (and has been since they were kids), but Nick (and Kim) are both up there. He has a soft spot for Mary May; that seems to be reciprocal. He appreciates Grace because she doesn’t ask unnecessary questions. Sharky and Hurk offer unconditional friendship, which he appreciates and sorely needs. Adelaide is the vodka aunt who thirsts after his ex. She tries to rile him up sometimes (in a myriad of ways), but he likes her. And if you account for other universes, his friend count goes way up thanks to the various and sundry brat squad kids.

What’s their friend group like? What role do they play in it? When he was younger, he was the introvert-adopted-by-an-extrovert. He was a bit too withdrawn to have friends outside of that, though he wasn’t unfriendly. For a bulk of the current timeline, his friend group is “ragtag misfits” status and he basically gets ping-ponged between them as they try—with varying amounts of success—to fight a cult.  

What’s their love life like? (See also: ship question meme.) Do they have any kids? Depends on the universe. In canon, it’s messy but becomes significantly healthier later on. His previous relationship was promising and likely would have been ideal, except that they were young and unable (or unready) to deal with the realities of their situation. In AU, he is enemies-with-benefits but also grossly in love with the Judge of Eden’s Gate and her husband (who was a fun surprise, but it’s fine, because Wes got Lyra back by giving her a gracious two-for-one deal on children)!

Who do they look up to? Who do they trust? Whitehorse is something of a father figure, though Wes would never say that out loud. For the record, neither would Whitehorse (at least not directly to Wes)—mostly for Wes’s benefit. He trusts Raf, Pastor Jerome, and the rest of his friends listed above.

Who do they hate? Do they have any enemies? Joseph, because Joseph is daddy issues incarnate. Jacob, because Jacob understands Wes well enough to yank him around like a dog on a leash. By the time the Collapse hits, everyone is his enemy to some extent (as evidenced by the adorable horns and pointy tails drawn all over his wanted posters). Notable exceptions are John, Sharky, Hurk, and Whitehorse; however, all but the first are functionally unknown to him.

Do they have any pets? Just Boomer, who is the best emotional support animal a disaster could ask for.

Are they good with kids? Animals? He’s naturally good with both children and animals, but he lacks practical experience, especially with the former (shout-out to the Ryes for finally adding that to his resume).

FUN FACTS

Which tropes do they fit? Which archetypes? Tropewise, he’s Troubled, but Cute and I can’t refute it; apart from the high school thing, it’s a full BINGO clear. He’s also Bruiser with a Soft Center, Inferiority Superiority Complex, Cosmic Plaything, Desperately Craves Affection, Hero with Bad Publicity, I Am Not My Father, and almost certainly a whole host of shameful others that I don’t dare brave the rest of TVTropes to find. Of the twelve classic archetypes, he’s some combination of The Hero and The Outlaw. Otherwise: fallen angel, antihero, byronic hero, prodigal son. 

Do they play any instruments? Sports? He can play guitar, but only at an intermediate level. He’s not big on sports, but he can ice skate and he likes to swim.

What are some items they always carry? Steel & Ivory and a lighter; later, Sin Eater. In New Dawn he carries John’s watch.

Do they collect anything? Bad decisions. Minicultists, apparently. Nothing in particular.

What position do they sleep in? His default position when he’s alone and in a comfortable place is on his belly. There are exceptions listed in greater detail here.

Which emoji would they use the most? Honestly, he’s not really the type to use emojis, but he will send his love interest pictures of things he likes or finds pretty with no context. Otherwise, his texts tend to be short, to-the-point, and lacking in punctuation or capitalization. Believe it or not, he’d much rather communicate in person. My most frequently used emojis for him are 🍰 and 🐍. (Awww, cake and snake... They rhyme. How precious!)

What languages do they speak? English. He knows a limited amount of Spanish, but he’s better at understanding it than he is at speaking it.

What’s their favorite expletive? Damn or fuck.

What’s their favorite candle scent? Pine.

What songs remind you of them? I have a playlist for him here, but it—much like him—is a bit of a mess. I also have a playlist based on his own taste in music here.

Which animal would you say represents them? Snakes, stags, swans, scorpions.

What stereotypical high school clique would they fit into? Loners or troublemakers, probably. Stoners on a technicality—he doesn’t fit the stereotype, but he does have a history. He has some of the soul of an art kid but, tragically, none of the talent.

What would their favorite ride at an amusement park be? At a real amusement park, probably the roller coasters. At something more lowkey like a carnival, he’d like the classic, aesthetically pleasing rides like the Ferris wheel or the carousel.

Do they believe in aliens? Ghosts? Reincarnation or something else? He’s not an “I Want to Believe” sort of guy, but he still can’t explain the Larry Parker debacle. He tries very hard not to believe (or at least not to think about) any sort of afterlife, because he fears it.

Do they follow any religions/gods? Do they celebrate holidays? His family was Catholic, but he endeavors not to be. He likely wouldn’t celebrate holidays as a bachelor overmuch, but he would take part in holiday activities with others.

Which Deadly Sin do they most correspond to? Which Heavenly Virtue? Pride and Fortitude.

If you had to choose one tarot card to represent them, which would it be? The Tower, The Devil, The Wheel of Fortune.

#oc: wesley brooks #ch: wesley brooks #v: ouroboros #oc asks #ask games #asks

[d2kvirus]

Dickheads of the Month: January 2021

As it seems that there are people who say or do things that are remarkably dickheaded yet somehow people try to make excuses for them or pretend it never happened, here is a collection of some of the dickheaded actions we saw in the month of January 2021 to make sure that they are never forgotten.

Once again, we knew that Donald Trump wasn’t going to take losing well, but when a legion of his most boneheaded supporters storm the Capitol demanding the election result be overturned because a certain thin-skinned orange gobshite had spent several weeks screaming about electoral fraud and, by the way, also set the date of January 6th for some major event, even Mike Pence couldn’t sanction his buffoonery any longer - especially when said buffoonery involved him saying “I love you” to people who were guilty of sedition and, by the way, murder - all of which led to him finally, finally, getting the boot from various social media platforms

...all while Lauren Boebert appeared to be trying to help out the insurrectionists by livetweeting the location of Nancy Pelosi, presumably because Boebert forgot about that Glock she claims to take to work with her every day and was looking for a convenient meat shield, which naturally has nothing to do with her tweeting the day would be like 1776 earlier that morning

...but the real victim in all of this was Melania Trump as it interrupted a photo shoot she was doing, which she somehow thought it was a good idea to mention several days later in a statement riddled with two opinions: “both sides” and “me, me, me” which shows she didn’t realise the optics of rearranging the china as Washington burned around her

...but according to Laura Kuenssberg it was merely a “scuffle” at Congress, as opposed to an organised group attempting to stage an armed insurrection against the government complete with at least one member carrying zip ties

...and finally, we had Ian Austin reminded us that he’s still alive by saying the exact same thing would have happened in the UK with Jeremy Corbyn supporters storming parliament, as if that happened in the four years Corbyn was wishing Austin would go away, then did go away, but sadly didn’t go away

Once again the Tory government think they know better than virologists, epidemiologists and pharmacists with their one-two punch of thinking they can just mix and match the various vaccines available rather than give people two doses of the same vaccine, but they further weaken any chance of vaccination succeeding by ignoring Pfizer’s recommendation the second dose be given within three weeks of the first by adopting a policy of the second dose is given three months later, and it it’s just as likely to be the less effective but cheaper Oxford vaccine they get a dose of

...swiftly followed by the BBC did their bit to encourage people to get vaccinated by reporting a story of a nurse getting a dose of Covid six weeks after her first vaccination jab not by reporting how she was three weeks overdue for the second dose (or, if you prefer, six weeks before her second one) but simply saying that people vaccinated can get Covid, which goes beyond the BBC’s sociopathic inability to criticise Tory fuckups into being downright fucking dangerous - as does their putting sentient testicle Toby Young on Newsnight to say how we’re all overreacting as it's not as bad as all that

Of all the things proven liar Boris Johnson should have said when the UK’s Covid death toll officially passed 100,000 (as opposed to unofficially, which would have been last December), “We have done our best” was not it, because if their best includes not going into lockdown in order to protect landlords, having Dominic Cummings dictate herd immunity in spite the fact that you need vaccinated people for it to work, refusing to have quarantine at airports until July, thinking it would be a bright idea to tell people it’s their patriotic duty to go to the pub, giving them £10 vouchers to go to restaurants, putting children going back to school ahead of any concerns about every single school could become a petri dish and countless other horrifically mismanaged instances, then we should be kept up at night dreading what their worst would be

The fact that Chartwells were given a contract to provide free school dinners with a budget of £30, and the supposed lunches that arrived had £5 worth of food in them which begged the obvious question where the other £25 went, is appalling - but not surprising, as the Tory government gave them the contract and, equally unsurprising, Chartwells was founded by a Tory donor, and equally unsurprising their response to their grift being exposed was to tell all the public school clients they cater to a pack of lies while hoping nobody found out about them doing so...which worked about as well as you can guess

Something possessed the EU to ramp up the row over the AstraZenica vaccine not passing the rigorous tests for over-65s by threatening to trigger Article 16 and limit the number of vaccines that Northern Ireland received, and that something was it was hopelessly misguided as it allowed the Tories to get their hapless response to the pandemic off the front pages for a few days and let the Leave headbangers say this is why we left the EU...in spite this threat would have never been in play if we were still in the EU

There is no way to make jokes about Kellyanne Conway posting what was, in effect, revenge porn photos of her 16-year old daughter, because that sentence is so far out there that it is borderline incomprehensible

In the space of less than twenty seconds proven liar Boris Johnson claimed that there was no prior warning of the new strain of Covid, he had the SAGE paper stating it was coming which was handed to him last September held up in his face, and then said the government acted accordingly.  Yes, you read that right, he claimed the government acted accordingly to something they had no prior warning about, which is literally impossible, all in the space of ten seconds

In the latest hire by the BBC which is cause for both comment and concern, they announced their new chairman would be Tory donor Richard Sharp, whose credentials for the position are being Rishi Sunak’s ex-boss at Goldman Sachs, donating at least £400,000 to the Tory party, and having no background in journalism whatsoever

Smirking bully Priti Patel said that the UK should have closed its borders in March 2020 in order to prevent the spread of Covid.  Presumably she forgot that she was a.) Home Secretary in Marsh 2020 so could have done that, and b.) Home Secretary when she said that the borders should have been closed as that indicates she doesn’t know what’s going on

The terrifying world which Alison Pearson lives in has now started to cross over into our reality due to her responding to one of the four people she hasn’t blocked on Twitter calling her what she is - namely a liar - by siccing the Torygraph’s lawyers on them claiming libel, doing the usual cry bully tactic of learning the person she is harassing works for GlaxoSmithKline so promptly went to their CEO demanding he be fired, and howling about the hate campaign being waged against her - while telling the person, who was saying he was thinking suicidal thoughts after the pile-on that Pearson had instigated even after he had deleted the tweet and apologised , that “You’re finished”

Someday in the future, scholars will study Ted Cruz responding to Biden rejoining the Paris Climate Agreement within hours of getting his feet under the Oval Office desk by pontificating about how terrible it is that Biden is more interested in the citizens of Paris than the jobless of Pittsburgh and wonder just how somebody who doesn't know why the Paris Climate Agreement was named the Paris Climate Agreement ever got to be a senator

...and judging by how Lauren Boebert also latched onto this brainless rhetoric, not only can it be asked how she got to be a senator when she had the opportunity to actually realise Cruz’s mistake, she also begs the question how she can be a senator after her publicly trying to use Nancy Pelosi as a meat shield during the Capitol riots

Unifying force Keir Starmer stated that Labour should be devoting their time to fighting the Tory government rather than fighting court cases, somehow forgetting that by breaking the guidelines of the EHRC report (which he pledged to follow without question months before it was published) is the reason that they’re fighting court cases, and just so happens to be the reason why people are asking how a meeting attended by Starmer, Angela Rayner, Len McCluskey and others either didn't have a single person taking notes, which is David Evans’ entire defence, or they did take notes by quite conveniently lost them

Oh boy, did Wall Street cheerleaders not take it well when r/WallStreetbets exposed to the entire world that the stock market is little more than a game people play with other people’s money - because the teams the Wall Street cheerleaders support started losing, and all it took was a few Redditors investing in Gamestop and Bed Bath & Beyond 

Nice of Shaun Bailey to remind everyone that he’s a Tory by giving his suggestion for how the homeless could get on the property ladder, namely by saving a minimum of £5000

Clearly Marjorie Taylor Greene didn’t get the memo about the Streisand Effect, as the first thing she did after taking her seat in the House of Representatives was go on a mass deleting spree of Facebook posts - which only served to draw attention to her video saying that Nancy Pelosi be executed for treason, her track record of spreading conspiracy theories about the Parkland and Sandy Hook shootings, and her claims that a Jewish space laser is responsible for the 2018 California wildfires

Insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips got her 2021 off to a good start by tweeting out that, as Britait has happened, we should shut up and accept it.  To the surprise of nobody other than insufferable self-promoter Jess Phillips, this led to a lot of people saying that, no, they will not accept an advisory referendum somehow being bolted onto the Ten Commandments, especially as numerous things that were promised wouldn’t happen such as a border in the Irish Sea, leaving Erasmus, losing freedom of movement, leaving the Common Market have all happened

It is wrong to say that smirking bully Priti Patel has lost 150,000 police files.  The actual figure is closer to 400,000 - which begs the obvious question as to what those files were, for example if those files also happened to fall under the same category as the ones that 55-year old ex-minister Mark Francois might want to have disappear for the sake of convenience

At last CD Projekt Red took some responsibility for Clusterpunk 2077 being such a cyberfuck...if by “taking responsibility” you mean “taking responsibility, dumping it all on the QA testers, and saying that everyone should blame them for everything” - and then with perfect comedic timing CD Projekt Red released an update for Clusterpunk 2077 that was so broken they had to release a hotfix for their broken patch

Expenses-fiddler Robert Jenrick decided that the most important thing to protect in the United Kingdom at this exact moment in time is...statues.  Not key workers, not the vulnerable, not any human life at all.  Statues.

So either Rafael Behr wrote a column for The Guardian where he tried to blame Jeremy Corbyn for his heart attack which saw Guardian higher-ups remove that passage from their print edition but forgot to remove it from the online version of the article, or The Guardian deliberately left the passage in the online version of the column in order to get some form of engagement from rage clicks while allowing Behr to act as if he is suffering some great injustice

Of course it wouldn’t take long for Steve Baker to try and claim some spurious victory for Britait, namely him claiming that tampon tax he spent so long fighting against being abolished is proof of the sunlit uplands of our post-EU nation...which ignores the fact that a.) It had nothing to do with the EU in the first place, and b.) The fact that Baker voted to keep it in place in a 2015 Commons vote

Employer of the year WWE went for an interesting twofer, as one minute they were proudly stating that WrestleMania would go ahead with a prospective 30,000 in attendance without any concerns for social distancing or any other Covid preventative measures, and the next telling the wrestlers on their roster that they would not be supplying them with Covid vaccines at the exact same time the NBA were floating the idea of providing vaccines for all their players

Make no mistake, the criticism that Erik Lamela, Sergio Reguilon, Giovani Lo Celso and Manuel Lanzini have received due to the four of them flouting lockdown regulations to attend a New Year’s party is justified - however, the fact that Duncan Castles tried to chase a headline by claiming that Lo Celso and Lamela had tested positive for Covid in a swiftly-deleted tweet is a new low for the noted barrel scraping rumour monger

Self-awareness sceptic Laurence Fox was entirely predictable in his response to the news that talkRADIO had been booted from Youtube for repeated violations of their ToS, specifically the part about spreading Covid misinformation, screaming the usual things about being “cancelled” - and then, within hours, responded to the BBC announcing a plan of educational programming to help during Lockdown III by saying he will be shielding his children from being “indoctrinated” by the BBC’s “left-wing bias” - which not only means he’s cancelling the BBC, but also had people remember that Billie Piper has custody of his children so it's not like he can even enforce his rules on what his children can and cannot watch

...by the way, Fox said nothing about Lord Sumption appearing on the BBC’s Question Time (the same show where failed actor on the grift Laurence Fox announced his new career as a clueless right wing irritant) where he told a woman with bowel cancer that her life wasn’t valuable, it was merely less valuable as she has less life left.  Yes, that is eugenics getting free airtime on the BBC, thanks for noticing

Somehow the best choice of words the BBC could find when reporting the death of Phil Spector was “talented but flawed” as if murder is some character flaw instead of, oh I don’t know, a criminal activity?

You would have thought that Twitch would have simply retired the PogChamp emote permanently in the wake of Gootecks going all insurrectionist, but no, instead they thought of having a rotating cycle of emotes of various creators, in spite of those creators telling them this would be a bad idea - and those creators were proven right when Critical bard was inundated with racist and homophobic abuse in his chat that led him to close his social media profiles when he was selected for rotation, with Twitch doing fuck all about it

Fashion editor no matter what she claims she is Hadley Freeman had a really clever take about The Sopranos...actually, no she didn’t, she had an absurd belief that it’s the exact same show as Sex in the City but people overlook it Because Misogyny, and when she was lambasted for missing the point so badly she had noted dipshit David Baddiel rushing in to her rescue to mock those getting “triggered” by her insipid take while saying he never liked The Sopranos because, as he isn't an Italian-American mobster, the show did not speak to him - in other words, he made himself a subject of equal mockery

...but there was no sign of Baddiel when Hadley Freeman then jumped on the BidenErasedWomen bandwagon alongside the TERFs of Twitter as soon as Biden got his feet under the desk, which also happened to show hard centrist extremist Freeman say how she thought Trump did far more for women than Biden ever has, which as takes go is so bad that the best explanation is that she briefly forgot the difference between the words “for” and “to”, before she then deleted the tweet and tried to deny ever posting it with increasingly nonsensical explanations that rapidly looked uncannily like gaslighting

...although David Baddiel wasn’t quite done being a bellend, as he was soon yukking it up with professional victim Rachel Riley about his latest book which accuses the entire progressive left of antisemitism

The oppressed underclass known as Manchester United fans really showed their colours, first by responding to a loss to Sheffield United by sending racial abuse to Axel Tuanzebe and Anthony Martial on social media, and a couple of weeks later responded to a draw with Arsenal by sending racial abuse to Marcus Rashford, because apparently when your team drops points the most important thing is to look for which member of your team you can racially abuse

And finally, oh so finally, we have Donald Trump and his discovery of electoral fraud at last - electoral fraud that consisted of Donald Trump calling Georgia Secretary of State Brad Raffensperger demanding he change the result and all he needs is Raffensperger to “find” 11,780 votes while also saying that he had proof of vote-counting machines being removed early...and when told they were still in Georgia, changed his lie to say the inner workings had been removed without anyone noticing.  By the way, the only reason anyone knows about this is because Raffensperger told Trump that he wouldn’t release the call to the public if Trump didn't say anything about it - so, of course, the Orange Overlord took to twitter, ran his mouth, and the Washington Post had one hell of an exclusive as a result

#dickheads of the month

[theshrubbery]

Can I Be Close To You - snowbaz fake dating au ch1

I post this on ao3 but I fancied posting on here too ‘cause I really wanna start taking snowbaz writing requests and stuff but for that I figured I should post stuff first haha

SIMON

Baz is plotting something. I just know he is. I don’t care what Penny says, Baz is always plotting something and no one can persuade me otherwise. Understandably, after the last few times I’ve been sure that Baz was plotting against me and nothing actually happened, Penny has long since lost her faith in my judgement of him. Not that Penny really likes him all that much herself either anyways.

Baz is my roommate here at Watford, and he’s the poshest shitbag I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. Though meeting really is putting it lightly, really we were forced together back in our first year, forced to become roommates for the rest of our careers at Watford. Fan-fucking-tastic that was, best bloody day of my life, as if I hadn’t already felt like I’d been thrown in somewhere I didn’t belong, I just had to be shoved into an eight-year rooming contract with the richest twat in the entire school.

Watford is a pretty elite school, I think it’s militant at times but Penny drools over the place, thinks it’s the bread and butter of the entire academic world. I only got in through a scholarship I didn’t even want. The headmaster of the school scouted me from care when I was eleven after news got around about my successive high marks in all my schoolwork. The headmaster all but adopted me then took me in as his young prodigy with promises of a better life and the expectation that I was probably going to grow up to cure cancer, or something like that.

This entire school is entirely out of my league, full of rich, elitist people from rich, elitist families, who’d all likely burst an artery if they knew I was here—the headmaster had kept it under wraps, had secretly enrolled me a few days before term started and sent me on my merry way to the Hell that is sharing a room with Tyrannus Basilton Grim-Pitch. Yes. That is his real name. What a git.

Back to my point, though, I am actually, genuinely, positive that Baz is plotting something this time. He’s always watched me when he thinks I’m not looking (seriously, who does he think I am to leave my guard down around him, my sworn enemy, of course I notice him staring at me) but now it feels like he’s watching me with a purpose. His face twists up as though he has something to say but he just can’t get it out. It looks painful enough that I almost want to snap around and face him when he looks at me like that, I want to demand to know what he’s thinking if only to put him out of that misery. Or something like that, I guess.

“Baz isn’t plotting anything, Simon,” Penny says as we sit down at a table in the cafeteria for breakfast. I roll my eyes and pick up a small roll of bread, biting a chunk out of it with my teeth and replying with my mouth still full of food. No matter how many times Penny tells me off for this, I just can’t seem to break the habit. Although that seems to imply that I try—which I don’t.

“You don’t see the way he looks at me, Pen.” I swallow my mouthful of bread and lather a thick chunk of butter across the remains in my hands, then I eat that, too. “We’ve only been back a couple weeks but I can already feel the murderous intent. I keep catching him staring at me like he’s just waiting for the right moment to take me down.”

“Simon, are you sure Baz sees you as his enemy?” Penny asks me, raising her eyebrow skeptically as I reach for another bread roll and begin to slather it in butter. I’m ravenous.

“Of course,” I say, probably a little too loudly. “Literally, Pen, how many times has he tried to take me down? Remember when he pushed me down that flight of stairs?”

“I mean, that was kind of both your faults, really, Simon.” Penny gives me a pointed look and flips her thick hair over her shoulder. “I literally don’t know what you were expecting, fighting at the top of the stairs like that.”

“I mean the fight started in our room,” I tell her. I can’t understand how Penny doesn’t realise how blatantly obvious it is that Baz is out for my blood. “He’s the one that pushed me through our door and onto the landing. I bet that was his plan all along! To get me to the edge of the stairs and then punch me so I fell down!”

“Yeah. Or, he just got in a lucky punch. You didn’t see how sick he looked after he realised what he’d done.”

“Probably thinking about the court charges and prison sentences when he realised he actually almost killed me.”

“Don’t be dramatic, Simon.” Penny pats my arm across the table from where she sits opposite me almost sarcastically. “I’m sure he has better people to kill than you.”

“I don’t understand him at all,” I huff, reaching to pull a plate of bacon sandwiches towards me. I’m halfway through my second one when I see Baz enter the cafeteria through the heavy-set wooden doors at the far end of the room over Penny’s shoulder and I almost choke at the surprise, coughing embarrassingly loudly. My eyes burn and water as Penny runs around my side of the table and begins thumping me, way too hard I shall add, on the back in an attempt to get me to breathe again. The chunk of sandwich that was lodged in my throat flies back up into my mouth and I take a deep, heaving breath as I chew and swallow it down properly. Penny looks at me with the most hilariously disgusted face I think I have ever seen.

“You are actually disgusting, Simon Snow,” she says as she sits back down. I give her a smile in apology but Baz catches my attention.

Baz looks at me and snickers, quite clearly, at my reaction to his entering the room, though when he realises I’m watching, he immediately tampers down and pretends he’s simply amused at something one of his minions said (because I highly doubt a guy like Baz has anything other than minions, forget friends). For a moment I think Baz is going to ignore me after that initial surprise of seeing me staring straight back at him, but instead he chooses to sit the table behind ours, facing me, clearly in my line of vision. It’s as though he wants me to see him, or he wants to see me. For more of his fucking creepy stalking, I presume.

It’s a nightmare to go to class after that, knowing full well that Baz was going to be there and knowing full well I’d be sat right next to him at my desk. I suppose it’s better than it used to be in the younger years, when the tables were pushed together to form groups of six students at each. Now we’re older, they’re arranged in straight lines down the room, so rather than bashing elbows with Baz we now have an arms-length between us.

Not that it was my choice to sit here, stupid schools and their stupid seating plans, it’s a wonder I ever survived English with Baz breathing right next to me the entire time, writing in his posh, cursive handwriting and making my scrawl look illegibly pathetic.

Now, as I enter the class, Baz is already there, sitting straight at his desk and managing to look somehow both attentive and bored. He notices me as I enter, I see one of his crossed legs twitch beneath the table and his jaw suddenly clench. I see it from the other side of the room when he swallows and looks pointedly away from me.

I don’t know whether he’s humiliated at me having caught him laughing at me, or whether he’s finally got tired of trying to plot against me but whatever it is, I feel oddly lost without it. Having an enemy like Baz, someone always a step ahead, gives me a reason to get up in the morning. Because if I don’t get up I’m almost positive Baz would smother me with a pillow and my death would be pathetic rather than heroic. And although I don’t really think that Baz would murder me, I don’t like to take chances like that where I can help it.

The lesson passes the same as usual, in a hazy blur. I take notes but only because if I don’t keep my grades up I’ll lose my scholarship and be sent back to a god-awful care home, but I barely take any of the information in, I’m far too conscious of Baz today, even-more-so than usual. Something just seems off with him, though I don’t have the slightest idea what. He keeps glancing over at me, fidgeting, writing out notes only to stop mid-sentence and push his pen hard into the paper of his glaringly empty page.

Baz keeps running a hand through his hair, too, and I can’t help the swirling of anger in my gut when I think he must be copying me. I’ve known Baz for eight years, lived with him for nine months of the year each time, but I’ve never known him to be the type to fidget and muss his hair up. The great Basilton Pitch was always exceptionally put-together, if only to lord it over the rest of us peasants, always neat and tidy and always making out like nothing was wrong, even when I hear him sobbing in our en-suite shower at the end of the day when he thinks I’m not in the room.

At the end of the lesson he’d looked over at me like he’d forgotten I had eyes and could look right back. His face had coloured, a deep red against the bronze of his skin (Baz had inherited his looks off his mother, apparently, and she was Egyptian), and he’d gathered his things, stuffing them in his leather satchel, and left the room in a hurry.

I don’t see Baz for the rest of the day until last lesson, history, though he doesn’t sit anywhere near me, thank God. Despite this though, I still can’t concentrate, not with the knowledge that Baz is in the room. It doesn’t matter how many other people fill up the room, Baz is pompous enough to make me feel like it’s just the two of us. Everyone else feels like an extra in our on-going battle. I make as many notes as I can, fill out the worksheets the teacher hands out to the best of my ability despite the churning in my stomach that tells me something is wrong, probably warning me that Baz is going to have me as soon as we’re out of lesson, he’s probably itching to fight me like we haven’t in years. We’re long overdue, really. But instead, rather than a fight, Baz volunteers to collect the worksheets for the teacher, and he leaves me until last.

My heart thrums as he gets nearer, the adrenaline beginning to surge through my veins at the prospect of another fight with him. Baz stands there, in front of my desk, the stack of stapled worksheets cradled in the crook of his arm and balanced on his hip as he looks uncomfortably down at me. Baz is taller than me, by at least three inches, so he loves to remind me, and to meet my eyes he has to lower that smug chin.

“Snow,” Baz says, pursing his lips. I panic and try to come up with something clever.

“Actually it’s raining,” I stupidly say instead. Baz huffs at me, shifts where he stands, and sucks his lips into his mouth as he looks out the window to confirm, letting the lower one slip through his teeth as he releases them. He looks back to me.

“Astute observation, Snow, you complete bloody moron.” Baz’s voice is flat and biting and it makes me want to punch him.

“What do you want, Baz?” I ask him, leaning forwards in my chair.

“Your worksheets,” answers Baz, holding out a well-cared-for hand. I make to give him my sheets but then yank them back at the last second, enjoying the grimace Baz gives me. I’m pretty sure I almost hear him growl.

“No,” I smirk. “What do you actually want?” Baz looks almost dumbfounded for a moment, like I’d asked him to reveal all his deepest darkest secrets, like I’d found something out he didn’t want me to know. Then his features settle again and he snatches the paper out my hand.

“Just meet me back in our room after lesson, I need to talk to you about something.”

“What do you mean? You’re not meant to tell your enemy your plans for murder, that just takes all the fun out of it.”

“Fuck—Snow, just—” Baz shakes his head and slams my paper down into the pile at his hip, already turning to storm away as he composes himself. “Just be there, okay? This is important.”

Baz doesn’t catch me giving him the middle finger as he walks away, but the teacher does, which is really just my luck, and I’m glad that Penny isn’t in this class with me to laugh at my misfortune.

“You want me to what?” I shout, incredulous. Did I actually just hear what I thought I heard with my very own two ears? I know that I’m prone to idiocy, I zone out a lot, mishear, all of that, but seriously. If I thought being caught giving Baz the finger was misfortune, I must have been stupid. This right here is misfortune.

“You heard me,” Baz says, leaning back against the door with his arms crossed as though he expects me to try and break free, escape, run and never come back. Honestly, I really am fucking considering it.

“I swear to God,” I say with a humourless laugh, running a hand down my face, the other propping me up on the bed. “I knew you were plotting something, Baz, but this? This just takes the fucking cake. Are you serious?”

“Yes, Snow, I am serious, and I’d appreciate it if you’d start treating it as such.”

“You told your dad. You have a boyfriend. To get under his skin. And it completely backfired?”

“Correct.” It looks like it pains Baz to admit it. Good.

“And now you want me  to pretend to be your boyfriend over half term at your house?”

“I always thought you were ignorant but I guess your ears do work after all, very well done, Snow,” Baz says patronisingly. The sound of his voice irks me and I all I want to do is refuse. But… there’s something in Baz’s face that tells me there’s more to this than meets the eye. I hate Baz, really I do, but I can’t stand to see him looking so vulnerable. I still don’t know how to answer him though, and the silence in the room is making the atmosphere heavy.

“You’re gay?” I ask instead of replying. I never considered that Baz could be gay, he always has girls fawning over him. My own girlfriend, Agatha, left me for a shot at Baz last year though that wound is long closed, I’m not sure me and Agatha were ever meant to be together in the first place. Still, though, having her leave me to throw herself at the enemy was a kick to the balls. I never understood why Baz had always turned all these girls down, he could probably have his pick of any of the girls in our year if he so wanted to (except Penny, because Penny both hates Baz and already has a boyfriend, Micah, who lives in America) so this really would explain it.

“Entirely,” Baz confirms with a nod. “Absolutely, one-hundred percent. You?”

“I…” I’ve never actually thought about it, and I can’t think of the right answer to say before Baz interrupts me.

“If you do this I promise I won’t kill you in your sleep.”

“Like you’d kill me anyways, it would be too much paperwork and shame to your family name.”

“Simon,” Baz says, and I can’t help but give him my full attention at that. “Please. Just do me this one favour. I’ll do whatever you want after the week is up, I’ll leave you alone or whatever the fuck it is you want from me. Just do me this one favour and don’t make me a fool before my father.”

“You’re a fool anyways,” I murmur under my breath, unable to help myself. I look up at Baz, really taking him in, and I realise just how serious this is to him, it feels like unnecessary cruelty to say no. Who knows what he might do to me if I refuse to help him. And besides… how bad could it really be? Jesus Christ I can’t believe I’m even thinking of doing this in the first place, what the fuck is wrong with me?

“I’ll do it,” I say, and Baz’s head snaps up so fast he hits it against the door. He looks at me, wide-eyed, like he’d already been planning his escape from his family and which country to start his new life in. I don’t know why this is such a big deal to Baz, but I suppose I’ll find out. At least I’ll get to see if he lives in a stupid mansion like I’ve always pictured he does.

BAZ

My stomach bottoms out when Snow agrees. I’d never actually expected him too. Christ above, I’m fake-dating Simon bloody Snow. I almost feel guilty that he doesn’t know how badly I want him, that he’s giving me everything I’ve ever craved in the cruellest way possible. It’s selfish, really, that I’m taking him for granted like this, but there’s no-one else I can trust enough. Maybe that’s because I’ve been hopelessly in love with Snow for years, but it doesn’t matter. At least for a week, I’ll have a taste of what could be, in a different life, I can look into those blue eyes and stroke that golden hair under the guise of fake-love, and when the week is up, I can come back to Watford and die of heartache over what could have been.

#snowbaz #simon snow #baz grimm pitch #basilton pitch #tyrannus basilton pitch #carry on #wayward son #rainbow rowell #carry on fandom #carry on fanfiction #wayward son fanfic #snowbaz fanfiction #snowbaz fic rec #snowbaz fic #snowbaz imagines #simon snow fanfiction #baz pitch fanfiction #fanfiction #fic #fic requests #snowbaz requests #cibcty

[chroniclackofselfpreservation]

Creatures of the Night

Chapter 19 - ask me why i love you, dear

Back to the Beginning   < Previous chapter / Next chapter >   

AO3

Masterlist

(Chapter title (and lyrics later in the chapter) are from "Ask Me Why I Love You" by Walter Everette Hawkins)

Dark, angry water swirled around Patton. It was too dark to see, and the only thing he heard was the muted crash of waves on the surface above him. Patton’s throat stung from the bitter salt water filling his nose and mouth. His limbs felt heavy and useless from the intense cold. By some miracle, Patton’s head broke the surface. He coughed and spluttered, gulping air. The sky was dark, and the sea was gray with storm. Waves taller than buildings swelled around him.

“Logan!!” he screamed, but the wind whipped the sound of his voice away from him. He opened his mouth to call out again, but the wave before him crested. Impossible amounts of water slammed into him, sending him rolling beneath the waves once more.

                                                 * * * * * * * * * *

Roman sat cross-legged on his bed, staring at his hands lying limp in his lap. He’d tried to sleep, but couldn’t even stand having the lights off for more than a few minutes. Everything having to do with the dark was negative. The curse. Dying. Lying in bed, listening to his father sobbing angrily in the next room. It felt stupid. Pathetic. He was an adult now, but couldn’t handle a little darkness.

A strangled gasp and muffled thud sounded from the other side of Roman’s wall. The wall he shared with Patton. Concerned, Roman stood and padded out into the hallway, knocking softly on Patton’s door.

“Everything okay in there, Padre?” he asked quietly, not wanting to wake the others. Logan and Virgil had been through quite the ordeal not too long ago and needed their rest. There was no answer, so Roman turned the handle and eased the door open.

He poked his head inside. “Patton?” The room was dark. Roman hadn’t turned on the hall light, so he couldn’t see anything inside.

“I’m fine,” Patton replied shakily, panting.

“You don’t sound fine.”

“It was just a dream.” The lamp on Patton’s bedside table suddenly clicked on, and Roman saw that he’d fallen out of his bed, his blankets a tangled mess at his feet.

Roman snorted. “I hope you understand that, coming from you, that isn’t a very reassuring statement.” He held out a hand and helped Patton to his feet. “What happened in your dream?”

Their hands lingered for just a moment. Patton pulled away, hugging his arms around his chest and angling away from Roman. “I was drowning. In the ocean, I think. I couldn’t see any land, but it was the middle of a storm, so I could have missed it. I think Logan was there, too.”

“Oh,” Roman said lamely. “That does sound bad. Do you know when it’s, you know… happening?”

“No. I rarely do.”

“How’s your cheek doing?” he asked, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. Patton brushed his fingers across the four marks. They were beginning to scab over and the blood had dried into a near black crimson.

“It’s fine. Doesn’t even hurt.”

“You say that a lot.”

Patton gave a confused smile. “Say what?”

“That everything’s fine.”

He opened his mouth to retort, but Roman stuck him with a meaningful look. If anyone was familiar with that exact avoidance tactic, it was him. Patton’s resolve crumbled.

He clambered onto his bed and sat back against the headboard, wrapping his arms around his pillow and resting his chin on it. “This whole last year, did you ever… worry about changing?”

Roman sat down on the edge of the bed. “What do you mean?”

Patton looked away. “Like, if everyone was only friends with the person you pretended to be, would they be disappointed if you were suddenly yourself? What if the real you was a completely different person?”

Roman leaned back on his arms, looking up at the ceiling thoughtfully. “I did worry about that. Still do. But no one stays the same forever, right? People change.” He glanced over at Patton, who looked like he was about to vomit. The questions were pretty specific, and Roman didn’t have to guess that Patton was subtly talking about himself. Still, he had the courtesy to say, “Why do you ask?”

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell the others? At—at least until I’m ready?”

“Of course.” Roman practically had to keep his secret—not that he wasn’t planning on it. After all, he’d be the hypocrite of the century if he didn’t.

Patton took a breath. “When Dot adopted me, I was thirteen. Back then, I was a different person. I was mean, and distrusting, and cynical. Dot was so nice and kind. I—I knew she deserved someone better. So, I made a character, and played a part. I became a perpetually happy child who made witty jokes and called everyone kiddo. I made Dot a proud mother, or at least I tried to.”

“Sounds exhausting,” Roman said. Though he was beginning to find he knew very little about his friend, he couldn’t help but feel sympathy for him. He, too, had once put on an act in the vain hope of restoring his father to the way he’d been before his mother had died. It hadn’t worked too well.

“It was, for a while,” Patton admitted. “But after a year or so, I managed to forget my past. The horrible things that had happened to me. I sort of became the character I’d made, and now… I’m not sure which is really me anymore.”

Roman hesitated. He wanted to say the right thing here, but he wasn’t nearly as eloquent as Logan. “If I ended up changing because of dying and coming back, would you think any different of me?”

Patton looked up, incredulous. “Of course not!”

“Then why would you think any one of us would feel that way about you?”

Patton opened, then closed his mouth, looking away.

“I won’t speak for Logan or Virgil,” he continued, returning his gaze to the ceiling, “but I’d be shocked if they did anything but accept you for who you are. I know I do.”

Patton gave an aborted smile, not hugging himself quite as tightly as before. “Thanks, Ro. Sorry I woke you up.”

“Oh, it’s fine. I wasn’t sleeping, anyway.”

“It’s, like, four in the morning,” Patton said, glancing at his clock.

Now it was Roman’s turn to feel uncomfortable. He quickly discarded the immediate idea of lying to Patton and telling him that he simply wasn’t tired, especially after he’d been so open about his own problems. “I, uh, can’t really bring myself to sit alone in the dark. It’s… too much like dying.”

“Have you tried sleeping with the lights on?”

Roman laughed dryly. “Yeah. Aside from sending our power bill through the roof, it doesn’t work too well. I just end up pulling the blanket over my head, and then we have the same problem with the dark.”

“You know,” Patton started softly, stretching his legs out, “there was a nasty part of my past that I had forgotten for a long time—some sort of defense mechanism, I guess. It wasn’t until I’d lived with Dot for several months, my mind felt safe enough to let me remember. I had horrible nightmares almost every night. In between these nightmares and my own prophetic dreams, I was so terrified of sleeping I’d get physically sick.” The words came easier than they had before, Patton’s face less an expression of shame than one of melancholy nostalgia. Somehow, he seemed older than he was. He and Roman were the same age, but because of the overly cheery disposition and goofy jokes, Roman typically thought of him as the youngest of their group. Now, he looked as if the years of his life were spread across his eyes.

“Dot would sit by my bed every single night, trace her fingers across my palm, and sing me to sleep,” he finished, meeting Roman’s eye. “I’d be happy to see if it’ll help you.”

Roman flushed. “Wha—really? You think it’ll work?”

Patton shrugged, putting his pillow aside and swinging his legs off the side of his bed. “No harm in trying, right?” Roman blinked, finding himself waiting for the obligatory “kiddo” or pun so bad it stung his eyes at the end of his statement, but it didn’t come. Patton gave a soft, genuine smile and stood. Roman followed him out of the room and into his own, struggling to put a finger on exactly what was different about Patton. It was like going from a children’s animated film, with exaggerated expressions and sound effects, to live action. Things were felt just as deeply, but more subtly expressed. Patton seemed less like a character, and more like a real person. Not the carefree goofball, but not the cynical miscreant he claimed to be either. Somewhere in between.

Roman’s room was infinitely messier than Patton’s, but he didn’t seem to mind, carefully stepping around the piles of clean laundry he’d meant to put away days ago, but still hadn’t.

“I don’t want to keep you up,” Roman muttered.

“I can’t sleep after one of my dreams, anyway,” Patton said, shrugging again. “Besides, I want to help.”

Roman settled into his bed, pulling the comforter up over his shoulder.

“Do you want me to leave the light on?”

“No.”

Patton switched it off, then crossed to his window, opening the shutters. “There. That way, when you wake up, hopefully it’ll be light enough to see.” He removed the several articles of clothing Roman had draped across his swivel chair and wheeled it over to his bedside. The ambient light from the streetlamps outside gave just enough light for Roman to make out Patton’s silhouette in the dark.

“Give me your hand.”

Roman reached out from under the covers, and Patton took his hand in both of his own. Roman was immediately grateful he’d voted to keep the lights off. Otherwise, his furiously blushing face would have been in plain view. Patton’s hands weren’t soft, but they were gentle.

“Any requests?”

Roman snorted. “You choose.”

“Hmm,” Patton hummed, beginning to trace the lines of Roman’s palm as he thought, sending shivers down Roman’s spine. “Oh! I’ve got one. Dot used to sing this one all the time,” he said, taking a short breath, then beginning:

“Ask me why I love you, dear,

and I will ask the rose

Why it loves the dead of Spring

At the Winter’s close;

Why the blossoms’ nectar'd sweets

Loved by questing bee—

I will gladly answer you,

If they answer me.”

The melody was simple and common—something a million different lyrics could have been tacked onto and called a song—but the way Patton sang it made it sound like it had been written specifically for him. Not to mention Patton could sing. In the many years they’d all known each other, Roman could count on one hand the number of times any of them had heard Patton sing, most by accident.

He continued with the next verse, singing:

“Ask me why I love you, dear,

I will ask the flower

Why it loves the Summer sun,

Or the Summer shower;

I will ask the lover’s heart

Why it loves the moon,

Or the star-besprinkled skies

In a night in June…”

Roman closed his eyes, focusing on the song and the circular patterns Patton traced against his palm. At first, he’d worried that the sudden intimacy of the experience would have kept him wide awake, but before too long, his mind grew slow and heavy, and his body felt weighed down. Somewhere in the back of his mind, something knew he should be panicking at Patton’s closeness, but the thoughts were whisked away as his friend continued singing.

“Ask me why I love you, dear,

I will ask the vine

Why it’s tendrils trustingly

Round the oak entwine;

Why you love the mignonette

Better than the rue—

If you will but answer me,

I will answer you.”

Roman’s breathing deepened. As he fell asleep, he would have thought Patton’s voice would fade further away, but instead it filled his head as he slowly drifted off.