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tavvattales · 3 years

Note

hihi! was wondering if i could request a fluff where reader is singing/humming to themselves and [character] overhears? with bennett, xiao and childe <3 ty!! <33

Yesss! I love this so much 🥰 Here you are, I hope you like it and thanks so much for your patience 😊

If you can, please listen to Thomas Bergersen's song Promise from his album Illusions. It fits perfectly with this request 🥰

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GENSHIN IMPACT Character x gn reader fluff stories~♡♡

Scenario: Your beautiful voice

Characters: Bennett, Xiao, and Childe/Tartaglia(Seperate)

Pairings: Bennett x gn reader, Xiao x gn reader, Childe x gn reader

Warnings: Mentions of anxiety/sleepless nights, minor swearing

SFW------> Click down below for some massive fluff

Bennett:

● This guy absolutely loves the sound of your voice. When you soothe him after a long day with just your voice he wishes he could just hear you speak forever. The way you praise him and tell him how proud you are of him makes his heart melt every time. It's no wonder that when he hears you sing for the first time he hopes the moment would never end.

You had your fair share of bad luck in the past, but this took the cake. The Adventures guild asked you to check out some hidden ruins that were discovered that were said to be haunted. You somehow managed to get yourself trapped inside the old decrepit ruins while investigating the supposedly haunted remains when the ceiling above you collapsed, blocking your path.

You heaved a frustrated sigh, "I wish I didn't decide to go off on my own. ." You mutter, plopping down on one of the rocks that had fallen from the ceiling. Thank the Archons you didn't get seriously hurt, "Bennett's company would be nice right about now," you said with a frown. Thankfully being a skilled adventurer, you had packed enough supplies to last a while, at least until somebody realized you were missing. After all, these rocks were far too heavy for you to lift on your own.

A sudden shiver crept up your spine, making the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. You wrap your arms around yourself, trying to keep yourself somewhat calm, "Right. . Supposedly haunted, they said. This is fine. Yep, " you grumble. You could swear you felt eyes all around you. The only thing that helped you calm down was to sing softly, so taking a deep breath you start singing.

Bennett on the other hand was getting worried as it was getting late and you always managed to come back before it got too late. He wished he could have gone with you, but he was tied up with another commission that he just barely managed to complete. He was starting to get restless and decided to make his way over to the guild to ask where you had gone off to.

Upon getting an answer Bennett ran as fast as his legs could carry him to come find you and didn't stop until he reached your destination. Sweat plastered his face, his silver hair clinging about. His chest heaved as he tried to catch his breath, his emerald eyes washed with worry. That's when he heard a soft, faint singing. Bennett's heart fluttered as he recognized that it was you.

Your singing voice danced in the old ruins, painting the air with a sense of gentleness. It seemed to calm the restless spirits as the feeling of anxiety washed away. Your voice grew louder, but still kept the same graceful, velvety tone. Bennett paused for a moment, his heart pounding as he listened to your beautiful voice. He knew he had to come get you, but he couldn't help but linger just a moment longer so he could take in you gentle voice.

This was a rare treat indeed for him. You only ever sing when you're by yourself. He considers himself super lucky in this moment.

Bennett x gn reader END

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Xiao:

● When Xiao heard your voice for the first time it was when you were speaking to Verr Goldet about renting a room at the Wangshu Inn. You voice caught his attention because it was so soft spoken. It made his heart flutter in ways it never did before. He wanted to get to know you, but never knew how to approach you so he stayed hidden and out of sight. When he heard you sing for the first time, he felt a tug in his heart.

You shot awake, your chest heaved as you tried to calm your breathing. Sheets soaked and sweat running down your temples, you were drenched. Another nightmare about your past you were desperately trying to run from taunted you as it lingered in your mind. You took slow, staggered breaths, trying to slow your pounding heart. The moon was high in the sky as it peeked through your window letting you know the moon wasn't even close to setting.

"Damn it," you let out a shaking breath, wiping the hair from your face. Once you steady your breathing you slip out of your bed and head towards the sink to wash the tiredness and sweat from your face. The water was cool, refreshing, as it washed away your worries. You changed into clean sleeping garments as you toss your sweat covered ones into a hamper in the corner of your room.

Debating on going back to sleep you ultimately decide against it, instead you decide to relax out on the balcony. Your room was on the highest floor of the Inn overlooking almost all of Liyue. It was absolutely breathtaking. You lean over the balcony rails, taking in your surroundings. The moon danced across your features, casting beautiful shadows across your face. You take in a breath of the crisp night air before you start singing.

You sang of your past, sorrowful, yet everything about it was beautiful. Your voice was soft, tears bubbling at the sides of your glimmering eyes as you felt the music in you flow. Little did you know someone was watching you silently and with care.

Xiao was perched on his usual spot on the roof also taking in the scenery before he noticed you. He watched as the moonlight enveloped you beautifully. Xiao's golden gaze shimmered, his deep forest green hair blowing gently in the night time breeze as he sucked in a breath for a moment, "Hmm. .?" He muttered, pulling his knee towards his chest as he leaned his head against it, his other leg dangling from the roof.

He closed his eyes, listening carefully to your sorrowful song. The sound of your voice caught his heart and how he longed to comfort you, to touch you, hold you in his arms where you would be safe and sound from the past you so long to run from. Xiao swore from this moment forward that he would protect you.

You heard rumors of an Adeptus living at the Inn and you hoped one day you would meet him. Tonight, though, all he wanted was to listen to you.

Xiao x gn reader END

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Childe:

● He really lives up to his alias. You both always find yourself playfully bantering back and forth. He pushes your buttons because he loves the way you react and vice versa. The playful tone in your voice drives him crazy, but in all the best ways. When he hears you sing for the first time it was after a really long day. It calmed him down instantly.

Childe came home groggily and clearly overworked. There were bags under his tired sapphire eyes, his red hair disheveled, "Y/N, I'm home," he calls for you. You were in the kitchen preparing supper, a savory smell lingering in the air. You came out if the kitchen to greet him excitedly, an apron tied snuggly around your waist. The sight of you excited to greet him made him smile as he pulled you into a deep hug, "Mm, I missed you so much, sweetheart. Today was brutal, " he vented, kissing the top of your head.

"You look exhausted. I'm sorry, honey. I wish they wouldn't over work you so much. . ." You pout, worried for the wellbeing of your lover, reaching up to fix strands of his messy hair before placing a small kiss to his cheek, "Get comfortable while I set the table. Dinner is just about ready, " you instructed, pulling away from his warm embrace, pulling him along to the kitchen table to get him situated.

You quickly set the table and serve dinner. The both of you enjoying a delicious meal while he talked about his day. You gaze at him lovingly, reaching out to grasp his hand as the two of you ate. After dinner Childe attempts to clean up the dishes before you abruptly stop him, "Nu uh. You go take a nice long soak in the tub and rest up. You've done enough for the day. I'll clean up, okay?"

"Awh, my darling is so caring," He chuckles and swiftly steals a soft, but warm kiss. You lean into it, standing on your tip toes, your face flushed pink before pulling away, "I'll meet you in the bedroom then." He whispers in your ear teasingly.

You give him a playful shove in response, "Yes, now go on." You feel the heat rising across your face as you try to calm your beating heart. You take your time cleaning up so he could have more time to relax in the tub. Finishing up, you untie your apron and hang it up. All you wanted to do was lay down and hold the love of your life so you make your way to the bedroom.

Childe is already slowly dozing off as he looks up at you from the bed, his sleepy gaze following your graceful movements towards the bed. You softly plop down next to him, "You'll catch a cold that way, you know," you said, picking up the towel that was on the dresser. You reached over to him to pat his hair dry, but he wraps his arms around your waist, catching you off guard.

He pushes you close to him, your face flushed, "Let me just hold you like this, please?" He looked down at you, pleadingly. How could you say no? You snuggle gently into his chest, breathing in his scent, his arms resting on the curve of your back. He was so sleepy, you wanted to lull him into happy dreams, so with a soft gentle voice you started to sing.

You sang an old Snezhnayan lullaby, your voice sweet, like honey. His eyes widened, then softened with surprise. Your gentle way of singing was the most beautiful thing he's ever heard. He squeezes you a little tighter, his eyes heavy. You reached up to gently stoke his cheek as he drifted to sleep, happy that he was able to hear you sing, knowing he was going to have the best dreams tonight.

He hopes that you'll sing for him again and he'll be waiting patiently for that day.

Childe x gn reader END

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THANKS SO MUCH FOR READING! I had SOOO much fun writing this piece. Enjoy~ ♡♡

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birdsong-warriors · 3 years

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"He's so restless" Honestly. I relate to Swift here. I'm going to sound silly and maybe a little selfish but during lockdown my anxiety and ADHD especially threw me for a damn loop and I wanted nothing more than to TAKE MY DOGS MORE THAN FIVE MILES AWAY. I stressed myself out so much being restless and I relate to "I know I can't do this but I need something to do. I need something different around me. The cage is safer right now but I don't like cages."

AAAH I'M GLAD HIS LOGIC ACTUALLY MAKES SOME SENSE TO OTHERS LOL I've had to stay down when I'm manic because of other health issues and it drives me absolutely crazy! Swift has at least been practicing walking across camp and things and his restlessness makes sense given how little he's been able to move (or at least I hope it does lol), but he's also being PRET-TY AMBITIOUS...

#i have #so many asks to respond to #but my anxiety is being dumb im so sorry guys #im being ridiculously paranoid im gonna say a wrong thing #ESP SINCE I HAVE BEFORE #you guys have been insanely patient with me thank you so much #asks #anon

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honeytae · 4 years

Text

We’ve come a long way.

hey, bubs! this is just some very soft jin content because..i mean why not. this started out as a little idea that i had about the reader not being able to sleep and then it just escalated into whatever this is..anyways. i hope you all like it <3

tags: @ahgasearmyfan, @hoseokayy genre: fluff word count: 3.3k

You exhaled a frustrated sigh as you turned over once again, pulling your blankets over from where they’d slipped off of your body from your change of position with an angry tug at the plush fabric.

The red numbers of your alarm clock displayed a time much too late to still be staring into the darkness of your bedroom, your restless muscles refusing to give in to sleep as you aimlessly watched the hours pass from your place in bed.

The reckless part of your brain was pushing you to get up out of bed and get something done; catch up on that laundry you didn’t get to this morning before you went to work, write out your grocery list for the weekend. And if it weren’t for the man breathing peacefully behind you, you would probably cave in to those ideas.

But you already felt bad enough keeping him awake, guilt consuming you as his body shifted in accordance to yours each time you tossed and turned in the sheets. His arm remained thrown across your torso, lifting automatically each time you moved and placing it back down once you settled as you whispered an apology for waking him yet again.

“Still can’t sleep?” Seokjin’s hushed voice mumbled into his pillow, lips pressing against the side of your neck as he scooted his body closer to yours. His warmth soothed you even the slightest bit, making you feel ten times more comfortable as his leg slithered between your own.

“No. I’m fine though, baby. Go to sleep.” You attempted to reassure him, screwing your eyes shut tighter to hopefully get some rest, at the very least.

Everything fell silent again as you focused on the little puffs of air coming from your boyfriend’s nose, hitting the top of your spine as he nudged his nose into your skin. Noticing the adorable whistling noises from his nostrils each time he inhaled, you were sure he’d fallen back asleep, thankful that he’d taken your advice and vowing to not shift your body again in hopes to not wake him.

That was, until you felt Jin shift behind you, sitting up and leaving you alone on your joint stacks of pillows. You angled your chin toward the ceiling to look over at him, his gentle smile and very much awake eyes making your heart pound softly as his hand removed the warmth of the duvet from your body.

“C’mon.” He said simply, the nod of his head gesturing for you to get up and come with him as he removed himself from the bed, quietly shuffling toward the doorway of the bedroom. He paused and turned when he did not hear you get up, you smiling in response as you hurried out of the bed and skipped over to where he was.

He chuckled at your sudden eagerness, grasping your wrist with no further explanation as he began guiding you down through the hallway and to the front door.

“Are we going for a ride?” You asked as he led you to the doorway, slipping his body inside the closet briefly before coming out with your coat in hand.

“That’s exactly what we’re doing.” He smiled back at you, walking toward you and brushing his lips against your forehead, you smiling at the sweet action.

Late night drives were frequent with Seokjin from just the first few months of living together. You two were oddly synced in your sleeping routines, and found it difficult to get any kind of rest when the other was still awake. While the initial idea might seem odd, the habit of hopping into the car when sleep didn’t come easily became less and less of a crazy idea the more you did it.

“Arms out.” He instructed you to stretch your limbs out for him, gently guiding your hands inside the sleeves of your coat and adjusting the front of your jacket so that the zipper was lined up correctly. You internally cooed as he stationed himself in front of you, pulling the zipper up so it was underneath your chin.

He noticed your adoring gaze, stifling a smile as he raised his eyebrows. You awaited the sarcastic comment bound to come out of his mouth any second, most likely a loving scolding if you knew your boyfriend like you thought you did.

“What? You wanna get sick?” He asked sassily, his eyes widened humorously as you giggled at his attitude-filled tone.

“Alright, you too, then. I’m not taking care of a sick Jin this week.” You nodded your head to gesture to the closet behind him, your boyfriend smiling knowingly before turning back to the silver rack of hung coats and grabbing one of his own to slip on.

“Why not?” He smiled as he shrugged his puffer coat on, mouth stretching even more as he watched your eyes widen in disbelief.

You loved Seokjin more than anything, but he was, without a doubt, awful when he was sick. He had the horrible flaw of turning into a petulant infant when he was under the weather, his attitude driving you absolutely nuts for the duration of his recovery.

“I can’t wait until we have kids and you can see exactly why I dread you being sick.” You sighed with a shake of your head, not missing the glint in your boyfriend’s eye at the mere mention of children of your own in the future, yet sassily raising his dark eyebrows.

“Are you calling me a child, love?” He wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you flush to him as he ducked his head down to peer at you inquisitively.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” You smirked, a whine of complaint coming out of your mouth when he squeezed the ticklish part of your hip by pressing his fingers into the skin.

“Uncalled for.” He mumbled, leaning his forehead onto your own and touching his lips to yours in a chaste kiss. You pushed your lips back to his, tipping your head further to accommodate the action as you looped your arms around his neck to pull him in closer.

He pulled back with a final sweet peck to your lips, smiling fondly at you before stationing a hand on the bottom of your spine. You practically melted under his touch, your chin perched on the center of his chest as you looked up at him, him down at you.

“Ready to go?” He asked softly, watching as you nodded eagerly before guiding you to the front door, both of you slipping on your shoes and stepping out into the dimly lit driveway. You stood beside him with your head placed on his bicep as his hand twisted the key into the lock of the front door, ensuring it was shut with a hand turning the knob, nodding in approval when it didn’t budge.

You couldn’t help the fond smile on your face as you stared at his beautiful side profile, watching the smoke blow out from his nose with each exhale into the cold air, his lip curved upward slightly at your attention that he could spot out of the corner of his eye.

Once in the car, heated seats on full blast and warm air pumping out of the vents lined up on the dashboard, you both sat for a moment as you waited for the car’s temperature to rise.

Shivers slowly subsiding, you watched as the bleariness of the windshield dissolved with the defrost Jin had put on when first starting the ignition. His long fingers tapped at the steering wheel, seemingly in thought as he pursed his lips together.

“Is there a reason you couldn’t sleep, love?” He asked, voice gentle as his dark brown eyes flickered over to you. He intently studied you for signs of anxiety or overall unsettlement, unable to find any as your features smoothed into a calm demeanor.

“Just restless.” You explained simply, shrugging it off as Seokjin nodded in understanding. He had his fair share of those nights as well, something you’d had to take a late night drive for many times in the past.

Shifting the gear of the vehicle, his eyes focused on the monitor showing the view of the camera at the back of the car, checking for oncoming vehicles before backing out onto the street. The car hummed as you drove off, houses passing you on both sides as you made your way down the street.

“Would you like to go somewhere?” He asked suddenly, the car halting as it rolled up to the stoplight.

“What do you have in mind?” You wondered, peering over at his face and admiring the red glow lighting his gorgeous features. His smooth skin was interrupted by the shadow of his sharp jawline, his eyelashes fluttering with every blink as he turned to you.

“It’s a surprise.” He shrugged with a small smirk, making you chuckle before nodding.

“Sneaky.” You teased him, part of you wondering where the hell he could be taking you at such an early hour in the morning.

He exhaled a breathy laugh, smiling as he switched the indicator on, the sound of the clicking arrow on the dashboard filling the car.

“I know you’ll like it. I just like keeping you in suspense.” He admitted, you laughing at the man as he pulled off onto a side street with your confirmation. With the sound filling the car, a soft smile lit his features, glancing over at you briefly before switching his focus back to the road.

He laid his hand on the center console, palm facing the roof of the car as he wiggled his fingers for you to place your hand in his. You smiled at the adorable initiation, placing your hand on his and locking your fingers through the slots of his own.

As he drove, you focused on the clear night sky above you, his fingertips randomly drumming on the back of your hand in the comfortable silence of the car.

Your attention was brought away from the starry sky as you heard the tapping of the indicative arrow again, signaling that you were about to turn off of the road you’d been traveling down for the past few miles.

You gasped in excitement at the familiar building to your right, an adorable 24 hour diner with fluorescent lights illuminating the name of the restaurant. Not only was it a cute little location, it was the location of your first encounter with Seokjin. And it was where you had your first date with him, as well.

“Oh my god, Jinnie, our place.” You pouted as he turned into the parking lot, Jin smiling over at you as he swung into a parking spot at the front of the building.

You pushed your door out into the chilly air, straightening your legs to stand on the pavement and shutting the door behind you. Walking in front of the car, your eyes automatically went to the booth inside of the diner that you shared with your boyfriend so long ago now.

You felt your eyes well up with tears at the memories you had there, and the fact that Jin wanted to bring you back there to honor those times. It was adorable, truly.

“Coming, darling?” He held the door open, looking back at you expectantly as you remained in your spot, eyes darting from the interior of the restaurant to his face.

You stepped toward him quickly, placing your palm on his shoulder and boosting yourself up on the tips of your toes to press a quick kiss to his lips. When you pulled away, you smiled at Jin’s expression, his eyes opening slowly with his eyebrows raised in surprise.

“What was that for?” He smiled shyly, the sight of the tips of his ears flushing bright red making you coo at the suddenly flustered man in front of you.

“I just love you.” You said simply, Seokjin leaning down to kiss you again as he looked down at you, his lips stifling a full blown grin as they pressed tight at the corners.

“I love you, too. Now get in here so I can buy you a shake.” He nodded his head in a gesture for you to walk through the door, you giggling as you took eager steps past him into the entrance of the establishment.

“A true gentleman.” You feigned a swoon, clutching your heart and sighing dramatically as you walked past him, laughing when you heard his theatrical wail of complaint as he walked behind you, letting the door shut behind him with a creak of old hinges.

He followed as your body wove through the aisles between booths, walking along the checker-patterned floors as the smell of fried food wafting through the air hit your nostrils.

It was nearly vacant at this time of night, only one other group of teenage friends sitting at a window seat across the restaurant from you, the sound of their laughs bringing a reminiscent smile to your face as you sat down in your and Seokjin’s go-to booth.

As your boyfriend scooted onto the cushion beside you, he caught your stare at the kids, directing his gaze over to them as well and chuckling endearingly at them.

“I miss being young like that sometimes.” You said softly, identifying some of the group as couples by the way they cozied up to each other. You smiled at the memory of young romance like that, giggling slightly at the cliche gesture of one of the guys stretching to not so subtly wrap an arm around his girlfriend.

“You make us sound geriatric.” Jin turned back to you, snapping his fingers in front of your face to pull your stare from where they were glued to the farthest corner of the diner.

“Well,” You cocked your head teasingly, Seokjin pressing his lips together in a firm line and making you giggle at the reaction.

“You know what I mean.” You said, the waitress interrupting your exchange briefly as she stood in the aisle to jot down what you wanted on her notepad. After placing the order, both deciding to share a large chocolate milkshake, Seokjin turned back to you with a nod of his head in the direction of the only other occupied space.

“I’m just glad they didn’t take our table.” He murmured, you laughing in response as you placed your head on Seokjin’s shoulder, feeling the weight of his head leaning on your own as he returned the action.

“You were so shy back then. So cute.” You cooed, Seokjin’s eyes widening as he feigned an offended look, picking his head up to look down at you.

“Yah! Are you saying I’m not cute now?” He asked in bewilderment, you rolling your eyes at the faint smirk on his face as he kept his act up.

“You’re the cutest, my little drama queen.” You cooed, making Jin chuckle and drop a kiss to your temple as you wrapped your arms around his torso. Your head comfortably rested against his chest, concentrating on the warmth coming from his skin through the fabric of his coat.

“I’m pretty sure we didn’t even touch on the first date.” You mentioned suddenly, Jin laughing at the memory of you two being so intimidated by each other on your first night out.

“We’ve come a long way.” He mumbled into your hair, you nodding with a content sigh as he nuzzled his cheek against the top of your head.

“Here you go, kiddos.”

You were both broken out of your alternate reality as the waitress delivered your milkshake, thanking her as she set it down on the table between you before cooing at your clinginess to each other.

“You guys are adorable.” She smiled, both of your heads picking up to look at her properly after hearing her additional words. She was an older woman, her eyes creased with wrinkles as she beamed down at you two.

“Thank you.” You said shyly, the woman nodding before walking back across the space and disappearing inside of the kitchen, your boyfriend chuckling at your sudden change in demeanor as he bumped your shoulder with his. He smiled adoringly at your red tinted cheeks, reaching forward to grab the glass in front of you and offering one of the straws to your mouth while guiding the other one to his own.

“Now this feels like our first date.” He swallowed the sweet liquid, humming at the taste as you looked at him with your eyes squinted in confusion.

“If I was shy on our first date, then I don’t even know what you were.” He further explained, a laugh exhaled out of his nose as you smiled at the memory.

“Fair enough.” You shrugged, watching in amusement as Seokjin sucked on the straw, bringing up more and more of the cold milkshake until he popped off of it with a groan.

You giggled as he squinted his eyes shut and held his head in his hands, elbows leaning on the surface of the table as your fingers instinctively went to massage at his temples. His expression was quite comical, his nose scrunched and eyes closed making him look much like a toddler as you pouted at him.

“Aw, baby.” You said softly, trying to ease the tension under his skin as you circled your fingers on the side of his head, your boyfriend groaning at the pressure in his brain due to the amount of cold liquid he’d just ingested.

“Shit, I always do that.” He whined, you staring at the man with a small smile as you nodded your head in confirmation.

“I know.” You acknowledged, Seokjin turning his head on his folded hands as he blinked over at you.

“And you always let me.” He squinted his dark brown eyes in accusation, you nodding again as you inhaled a breath, face serious as you deadpanned.

“I know.” You said again, your mouth twitching into a grin and letting out a cackle when he shot a glare at you.

“You’re something else.” He shook his head, a small smiling playing on his lips as you gaped at him, mouth dropped open in shock.

“I’m something else? Who’s the nearly thirty year old who still gets brain freezes weekly?” You shot back, his jaw dropping in offense as his eyes widened in amusement.

“Nearly thirty?” He gasped, shock displayed in his features before his eyes crinkled shut, his signature squeaky laugh meeting your ears.

You fell into each other as you both lost your composure, tears streaming down both of your faces as your laughs filled the restaurant. You swiped your fingers against the tear tracks on your own cheeks as you heaved to catch your breath, little chuckles still escaping both of your lips as you calmed down.

“I think we’re both delirious right now.” You said, Seokjin pulling his phone out of his pocket to look at the time before humming in agreement.

“It’s 3:30.” He informed you, making you sigh with dread at getting up from your comfortable position with your boyfriend and getting back into bed once you got back from your little outing.

“We should probably head home.” You mumbled half-heartedly, contradicting the action by leaning back farther into your seat, nuzzling your cheek into his shoulder as your fingers came up to mindlessly play with the zipper of his coat.

“Hm. I’m fine here.” Seokjin said nonchalantly, meeting your eyes as you smiled up at him. His fingers swiped your hair back from your head, nuzzling the tip of his nose against your own after you scrunched it.

“I love you.” You sighed, the blinking of your eyes becoming slower as you became sleepier in his hold.

“I love you, too.”

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ddarker-dreams · 4 years

Text

Fallen From Grace Part 2. Yan Giorno x Reader [COMM]

Click here for part one!

Luxury surrounds you at every turn, and tonight is so different.

The dish that’s sitting in front of you for tonight is bruschetta, a dish warm and inviting in contrast with its desolate surroundings. Bread grilled in a brick oven with fine, expensive cheese melted onto it, hints of garlic and olive oil mixing in to create a drool inducing image. On top lays a light garnish of parsley, bright green contrasting the deep reds of the tomato.

Every one of your meals is similar in this refined quality. It felt jarring at first, having every need of yours attended to with utmost care. Not only because it’s unusual to be treated with this regard, but because of those who carry the actions out themselves.

They scurry around you, gaze cowering to the ground and voice meeker than a mouse. On the scarce occasion they find it absolutely necessary to ask you a question related to your preferences, their eyes never dare to meet your own. A sudden interest in the top of their shoes develops, or fiddling with any objects in hand. Your premature conclusion was that they were too guilt ridden to even look at you.

Now, lips pressing against a glass and taking in sips of cool water, you know the lamentable truth.

It isn’t that the servants of this villa feel remorse for standing by and enabling your isolation, failing to assist at any opportunity. No, money can soothe any scathing concerns in that regard. It’s a different poison, far more venomous than all consuming guilt. It’s a primal fear of Italy’s most powerful don that drives their complacency, in sight of immoral actions.

Spineless cowards. Every single one of them.

You return the cup to its original place on the long, wooden table. The muted sound is the only one in the grand dining room, aside from occasional silverware hitting a plate across from you. Since the beginning of dinner, you’ve made it a point to ignore him. Too many troubles to count plague your mind, the man on the other side of the table being the source.

Uneasy silence does not last as long as you wish it would. He gently clears his throat, a signal that shouldn’t go ignored. Looking up now, you’re unsurprised to see Giorno’s ever watchful gaze meeting you back. Pale skin is illuminated by flickering candlelight, golden hair framing his mature face.

There’s a closed mouth smile on his face, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. Unsettling.

“Do you still not feel hungry?”

Giorno’s voice startles you, fingers twitching by your side. Time is an elusive thing, minutes always seeming to blur together, creating an incoherent mess. How long have the two of you been sitting here? Ten or so minutes, is your guess. Judging from his plate being almost finished, you realize just how long your thoughts were holding you captive.

Swallowing back the bile that creeps into your throat, your eyelids flutter shut. “Ah… something like that. You don’t need to wait for me, I’m sure you’re busy.”

It’s Giorno’s turn now to take a sip from a wine glass, swirling the white liquid before raising it to his mouth. It’s rare that he drinks, a distaste for heavy alcohol consumption a moral code embedded in his person. Moscato d’Asti if you recall correctly, which you declined an offer for earlier. From the bottle alone you surmise it cost a fortune.

“You’ve hardly eaten anything today,” Giorno points out to you, voice leaving little room for argument. He looks at your untouched plate, frowning at the undesirable sight. “Should I have something else prepared for you…?”

Exhaling shakily, you accentuate your disinterest in the subject by avoiding eye contact. It’s been like this lately, always placed under a magnifying glass. A tense exchange between supposed lovers, neither cluing the other of their true agendas. In this twisted parody of a dance, Giorno claims a clear upper hand. He leads you according to his own tempo, never once stopping to let you regain your breath.

Even with him out of your vision, you still feel the crushing weight of his stare. You swallow despite the dryness of your mouth, reaching once more for the soothing glass of water. Panic has long since settled in, disrupting any logical way of thinking and successfully shaking you up. How long can you hide your secrets from him? At this rate, you won’t last much longer.

It all started four, excruciatingly long days ago.

Marco, a guard who you have grown fond of, seemingly vanished into thin air. Along with all the other workers. No explanation, no clues, nothing. The days that followed left you littered with doubts and soul crushing anxiety, taking your every thought hostage. Did something happen to him? If so, what? Did Giorno learn of your secret interactions with him? And if he did, how the hell is he remaining so composed?

“You’ve been zoning out often.”

It’s unfair how he can pick up on your behavior without even trying. Being picked apart and analyzed in real time has never been your favorite, yet it feels even more dreadful now. When you first arrived in this golden barred cage, you had nothing to hide. Now, the burdens of your sins against Giorno threaten to swallow you entirely.

Nails threaten to puncture the soft skin of your palm, hands balled into tight fists on your lap. Every little poke and prod of Giorno’s comments further torments you, sending you into a spiral of never ending despair. Controlling your outward reactions is the bare minimum you can offer at the moment, too skittish to do anything else. Even the sight of delicious food in front of you sends your stomach churning, the scent of it bringing nausea rooted in crippling anxiety.

He has to know, right? Everything would make so much more sense if he did. It would explain this surreal, benevolent streak that emerged from him seemingly unprompted. It’s not that Giorno was ever outright cruel to you, until this point, you were given your space. No longer is that a luxury you can experience.

The past few days he’s been practically glued to your side, giving you no time to get your bearings. An unrelenting attack from all angles. It’s an impossible feat to maintain a facade of cluelessness like you were able to before.

Giorno tilts his head, still awaiting a proper answer. Gathering what remnants of strength that remain, you hurriedly utter to half the truth. “I-I haven’t been feeling well.”

This disclosure earns you a worried glance. He looks at you a moment longer -- as if searching for something -- before pulling back his chair. It groans against the wooden floor in protest, steady footsteps approaching you. Now by your side, he bends down to inspect you further. A tentative hand is placed to your forehead, assessing your condition from a closer perspective.

“You don’t feel warm.” he murmurs while retracting his hand, the action giving you a chance to breathe normally again. Does that mean he thinks you’re lying? Not giving you any further hints at his inner thoughts, Giorno stands by your seated form in silence. In hopes of avoiding suspicion, you come up with a rushed explanation.

“I’m tired, that’s all,” you scratch your cheek, finding difficulty in maintaining your composure. “It’s really nothing to worry about, Giorno. A few restless nights won’t do me in.”

If a physical ailment was bothering you, Giorno’s ability could serve to aid you. There isn’t anything his Stand can do for exhaustion though, not to your knowledge. He blinks, long eyelashes fluttering in the process. Whether he believes you or not is in the air. The topic is left to the wayside for now, much to your inner relief.

You had gotten sick once in the past. Even more freedoms were stolen from you, health professionals sworn to Passione monitoring you around the clock. Privacy was nonexistent, a true nightmare of an experience. It was only a mild fever, nothing that could cause any true harm. Giorno took it seriously, acting in an abundance of over protection until you recovered.

It won’t be ideal for you if that happens again. For almost a week you were forced to the confines of your bed, taking bitter medicines and eating only bland, nutritious food. That period of time made you go borderline stir crazy, having nothing to do aside from entertaining your malicious thoughts. If he’s thinking about putting you through that again, you’re unable to tell.

Composed and serene as ever, he takes your hand up from your lap with tender affection.

“[First]...” your name rolls off his tongue in a low tone, his deep voice and close proximity causing your pulse to quicken. “If there’s anything on your mind, know that you can come to me.”

Your breath hitches, all hairs on the back of your neck standing. So he has noticed, or believes your anguish is related to something other than physical illness. It makes more sense why he’s insisted on having you in his presence, to keep you in his sight. To make sure you’re not misbehaving.

The coarse pad of his thumb rubs over your hand in slow, methodical circles. Involuntarily, your hand begins to tremble. There’s not an opportunity to state your case against his words before he speaks up again, words intent on placating you.

“There must be something I can do for you. I hate seeing you troubled like this.”

You need to think of a diversion. Fast. He’s eroding your defenses, goading you into spilling the hideous truth of your disobedience. A small voice in your head pleads with you, whispering that maybe he’ll forgive you if you confess now. For you to beg for amnesty, claiming the depths of loneliness you’ve felt all this time. Would that cause him to take pity on you?

Or would you suffer greater lengths than before for your misdeeds?

Pushing down the temptation, a hopeful idea comes to mind. Deft fingers wrap around his hand, a tired smile on your lips. “You’re very considerate. It really isn’t anything bad, I’ve just had a few rough nights. I’ll try sleeping earlier tonight and seeing if that helps.”

Giorno gives your hand a final squeeze before pulling away. “Ah, of course. Whatever you feel is best.”

It’s a small victory, holding purpose to you. You can’t make any moves under his scrutinizing presence, the threat of alerting him by acting suspicious constant. He can’t be around like this forever, Giorno’s position requires constant attention. Even a few days into him not leaving the premises, you’re having trouble adjusting. It has to be a temporary arrangement, he won’t always be able to monitor you. When the opportunity presents itself, you’ll learn the truth about Marco.

You swear this to yourself.

“I’ve read that relaxing before going to bed helps with sleeping problems. Let’s walk around the gardens together, and see if that helps.” he phrases it like a suggestion, but you know better. It looks like you won’t be escaping Giorno’s presence anytime soon, an oasis of sleep slipping through your fingers like sand. Offering a meek nod instead of utilizing your voice, you mimic his previous actions and get up from your seat.

Giorno extends an arm to you, which you accept. It’s not that you want to, per se, it’s that you need to maintain the charade from before. Marco suggested to you that if you act less combative to your husband, he might grant you more freedoms. Which you desperately want to attain. In light of his sudden disappearance, it would be suspicious to stop acting like this. Reverting to your former harsh behavior won’t do anything good.

The new disposition worked in your favor. Instead of ignoring Giorno or cursing him like before, you acted tamer. And, as Marco predicted, some embargoes on your freedoms were steadily lifted. Acting like a loving wife to a man you feel nothing about animosity for isn’t an easy task. It’s a survival tactic.

You catch a whiff of Giorno’s light cologne, the scent dotting your skin with goosebumps. He’s always been a man of fine taste, you must confess. Once at his side, he begins to walk in the familiar direction of his outdoor gardens. The spot is a grandiose one, awe-inspiring flowers from all over the world appearing in full bloom. Even out of season plants are capable of flourishing, which you suspect is due to Giorno’s Stand.

For such a reprehensible person, he sure has a beautiful ability.

He looks lost in his own thoughts for most of the walk, and finally speaks up often a prolonged silence. “I’ve noticed how you enjoy your time in the gardens.”

Struggling to keep up with his pace and balance your rapid thoughts, you take a moment before responding. “Gardening is something I always wanted to try. When I first looked into it, I never realized how expensive a hobby it is.”

He hums in response, offering a moment of reprieve from stressful conversation.

When the two of you walk outdoors, you’re greeted by the crisp evening air. The sun is just beginning to set in the sky, warm colors embracing the expansive greenery. A main path leads up to an outdoor fountain, which emits a noise of rushing water. On either side of you are a variety of shrubs, pink and blue hydrangeas in bloom. A cicada beats its wings in the distance, a telltale time of summer.

The openness the outdoors brings with it a false sense of solace. You prefer this to the confining walls of inside Giorno’s mansion, which bring with them melancholic memories. A single aspect of this area has earned your ire, the large window above that is attached to his office. You’ve looked up to see Giorno watching over you for a few seconds. Further cementing the idea that you’re never truly alone.

Silence settles in between the two of you, weaving through winding paths and mossy stone arches. This is a part of the garden you don’t come to as often, you notice. Rounding a final corner around some hedges, you spot a stunning collection of flowers that must be new. From a dark center, pointed petals emerge, jet black in color with hints of crimson on the edges.

Giorno pauses to observe the mesmerizing blossoms as well, reaching out to inspect a petal. As soon as he touches it, his lips curl into a frown, almost like he’s remembering something. “A few days ago, I decided I wanted this addition. I got what I needed to grow it this morning.”

You thought that Gold Experience could create life from anything, so it doesn’t make sense to you why he needed to wait for the arrival of something. Maybe even Stands have limits? Any desire to ask about it is stifled by the fact that you’re talking to Giorno, curiosity fizzling out as fast as it sparked.

He pulls a handkerchief out from a pocket within his suit, and wipes off his fingers that had touched the flower.

“Black dahlias. It isn’t a flower most people would associate with summer, but I found myself interested in them.” he offers a look into his inner thoughts, a rare occurrence. You wait patiently, sensing he has more to say.

“All plants have different meanings, some even having their own folklore. Tell me, [First], what do you believe black dahlias represent?”

A perplexing question. Not wanting to offer a halfhearted answer in fear of being reprimanded, you give it some thought. Darker colors typically symbolize negative feelings, at least in literature. It’s possible the same logic applies here. In the distant past, you’d read online about an unsolved murder case in America by the name of The Black Dahlia. It seems anything with the name can’t be a good omen.

Humming in thought, you offer the best guess you can concoct. “I’m not the best with stuff like this… if I had to guess, I’d say it means suffering. Or something to that effect.”

“Very close. Not quite,” Giorno’s eyes betray the calm delivery of his words, a hidden storm within. “What black dahlias symbolize… is betrayal.”

You’d swallow if you could.

In a single instance, it feels like all the air has been forcibly punched from your lungs, body going numb and blood running cold as ice. Every ounce of strength that hasn’t been sapped from you goes to keeping your knees from buckling, mouth dry and tongue like sandpaper. He doesn’t blink, waiting patiently to see what your next move will be.

He knows. You don’t know how, but he knows. Similar to how a predator toys with its prey before devouring it, he’s testing you. Gauging for a reaction, savouring the guilt that rolls off you in palpable waves. Options and time are limited, both a dry well as he expects a response.

Your resolve begins to wilt, perishing under the harsh conditions it's been placed. Roots crumbling and petals falling to the ground, it’s a competition within your mind to see what thought will win. Marco risked his own livelihood in order to give you companionship, to make you feel human again. Can you stay afloat under this immense pressure?

With unexpected speed, you decide. There’s no backing down now. You’ll see this treacherous charade through until the bitter end. It’s what you owe to him, what you owe to yourself. If it’s games that Giorno wants to play, then so be it.

“My guess was close then, wasn’t it?” you force a light laugh at the end of your sentence, straightening your posture and giving him your best smile. Within the depths of his countenance is an unidentifiable emotion, his jaw tight and eyes studying. All intensity melts away within an instant, the Giorno you’re used to seeing reappearing in front of you.

“Yes, yes it was.”

Without his prompting to do so, you wrap your arms around his arm once again. Letting out a soft exhale, you speak up, hoping to rid yourself of this tense atmosphere. “A walk was just the thing I needed. I feel better already, still a little tired though…”

It isn’t a regular occurrence that you touch Giorno of your own will. You can’t remember the last time you’d done it, but desperate times call for desperate measures. He subtly leans into your touch, welcoming the warmth it brings. Hope erupts within your chest, that you can still play innocent and get away with your grievances.

Now that you’ve been removed from the moment, your mind is clearer. Capable of reasoning with itself, instead of scrambling to react. It’s a possibility that Giorno has an inkling of suspicion, and nothing solid to grasp it. Giving yourself up and playing right into his hand is exactly what he wants, and you adamantly refuse to do it. It’s shameful that you even thought about giving up, even if it was only for a brief moment.

It could be the fried nerves, that you find yourself rambling more than you normally do. “I never asked, but how was your day? You always ask me about mine, so it seems right that I’d return the favor.”

“Busy, not much more than usual though. I regret not being able to join you for breakfast. I had... something to attend to.” Giorno reminisces back to this morning, tone lighter than before. It looks like your hunch of him not knowing anything concrete could be true. A passing breeze ruffles through your hair, cool air serving to calm you down more.

You can do this. You’ll make it through the storm, and find out the truth on your own terms.

“There’s always tomorrow,” you gently tug at his arm, back in the direction of the house. “Can we… can we head back? I still want to try and sleep, even if it’s early.”

Never one to deny you anything, he starts the walk back, and you follow suit. “I’ve never seen you this talkative before, [First].”

You’ve never felt the need to talk this much until now. Rambling about nonsensical topics gives your overwhelmed brain a much needed reprieve. If there’s anything good you have to say about Giorno, it’s that he’s an excellent listener. Never interrupting, always offering his full attention. He never offers his input more than he sees necessary.

The comment doesn’t feel like a pointed one, rather a truthful observation. You let out a sigh.

“I’ve always had a lot to say,” you start with a purse of your lips, mindful of yourself. But I hate you. “Once you get me talking, you’ll miss the days I was quiet.”

He doesn’t buy into the self derogatory statement, and shakes his head. “I could never tire of hearing your voice.”

You open your mouth, only to close it again. Warmth erupts onto your face, the genuine delivery of a line only Giorno could deliver properly. Displays of heartfelt fondness leave you taken aback, never allowing you to understand the man by your side. How can he say in good conscience that he loves you, while taking you from everything you’ve ever known?

Giorno Giovanna, who you’ve spent a little over a year with, is still an enigma to you.

When you spoke with Marco, rarely did either of you bring him up. Out of respect for your feelings, you guess. On the rare occasion you did ask a question about Giorno, there weren’t any clear answers. All he knows is that Giorno took over Passione at a young age, and issued wide reform of the gang that extends worldwide.

The fact is an intimidating one, since he’s so close to you.

Now back inside, evening has settled in. Long halls are deserted of any life, only you and Giorno occupying them. It’s off putting, you can’t think of the last time you’ve seen this home so empty. There must be someone here, if your meals were made. Other than that, the only human being you’ve seen is Giorno.

Your shared master bedroom is on the second floor, and after an uneventful trip, he holds the large doors open for you to enter first.

Lavish and not obnoxious in its designs, this room is where you spent all your time when you first arrived. Not of your own will, since you were antagonistic. Looking at the custom glass windows, it brings back memories of desperately trying to break them with different furniture. Then the noise of doing so getting you in even more trouble.

Next was an iron shackle against your ankle, metal cold against your skin and uncomfortable.

Compared to that, you should feel like your current condition is better. Now it’s mental strain instead of physical. There never is rest for the weary.

Hands of the grandfather clock in your room read 8:24 PM. Your guess is that Giorno will dismiss himself any moment now, heading to his office and giving you much needed space. It’s an unspoken routine that you’ve fallen into. Though you ultimately sleep in the same bed at night, Giorno doesn’t join you until much later, if at all. Being in charge of Passione is a full time commitment.

With a muted thud, the door closes behind you. Giorno draws the curtains over the windows shut, cutting off what little sunlight shone through. Fully mesmerized with his graceful actions, you find yourself staring. It’s when he starts unzipping the top of his royal blue suit that you realize he isn’t intending to leave anytime soon.

Looking for something to preoccupy yourself with, you get ready for bed yourself. The marble ground of the master bathroom feels cold against your bare feet, causing you to shiver and mutter a quiet curse. After brushing your teeth, you open the door to see Giorno still getting changed, bare back facing towards you. Why is he still here?

Reading your thoughts, he turns around, white pajama shirt in hand. “Is something wrong, [First]? You’re awfully quiet all of a sudden.”

He can be teasing when he wants, much to your chagrin. Sucking in a deep breath, you give your honest thoughts in a strained voice. “It’s just, I thought you’d have work to do.”

“I’ve taken care of what I need to today,” he lifts the plain shirt over his head while he speaks, the material stretching against his defined muscles. “So, I’ll spend time with mi cara. It’s been a trying week.”

Well, that makes two of us.

His last comment makes you curious. Giorno isn’t the type to complain, if he sees a problem he dedicates himself to fixing it. What is it that managed to earn an admission like that? You’ll test your luck and press further, seeing if you learn anything. It could be related to Marco’s disappearance.

“Trying…?” you repeat back, testing the word on your tongue. Giorno pulls his braid over his shoulder, and you recognize what that means. Before he gets the opportunity to fiddle with the restraints himself, you walk over to his side and start on it. He allows you to do so, shoulders relaxing as you pull the hair tie out.

“I shouldn’t burden you unnecessarily.”

His golden hair is like silk between your fingers, having a light floral scent. You furrow your eyebrows while working through undoing the braid, combing through it. He subtly leans into your touch, eyelids fluttering close at your soothing maneuvers. Prying the truth from him will take more effort.

“It’s not a burden.” you reassure, pulse quickening at the anticipation his silence brings. Worst case scenario, he’ll deflect again and you’ll drop the subject. Feeling inquisitive leaves you unsatisfied, Giorno opting to leave you in the dark about most matters.

“There was a plot uncovered, relating to you.”

Your actions cease, body frozen on the spot.

“It was a threat on your life to weaken me. This morning, everything was taken care of, so you have nothing to worry about. That’s the reason I’ve been working from home the past few days,” he runs a hand through his hair, and turns to face your stunned form. “I’d never allow any harm to befall you. New staff will be replacing the previous one, there’s nothing to disprove that they weren’t all involved.”

“A few workers were going to get close to you, and draw out information about me. Then... ah, well. It doesn’t matter now.”

What he’s saying makes logical sense. You’re the wife of a powerful man, who has more enemies than you could ever hope to count. Your mind drifts to Marco, and the time that you had spent with him. A seed of doubt is planted within you, knowing that Giorno distrusted his former staff enough to get rid of all of them. Those men and women were tested vigorously, so for him to now distrust them...

That leaves a single, haunting question that you don’t want to entertain. Was Marco getting close to you, with the sole purpose of murdering you at the best opportunity? It… it can’t be like that. You spent hours by his side, laughing and reminiscing over snacks and games. He told you about his family, the misfortune that befell his sweet sister, his inner conflict of working for Giorno at your expense.

When Marco rarely spoke of Giorno, he did ask a few questions about his routine. You thought it was so the two of you could speak together with ease, and sneak around.

You had cared for him. In the deepest sentiment your broken heart could conjure, you really did. It was the highlight of your day, what you looked forward to every morning when you woke up. The reassurance he would offer, giving you that extra push to carry on your miserable parody of a life.

Mouth agape, no words can form on your dry tongue. Giorno must mistake your inner conflict for worry over the undone plot on your life, running his hands up and down your arms. He pulls you into a hug in hopes of comforting your shaking form, and you hate yourself for accepting it.

Nothing makes sense. This has to be a trick, a cruel misunderstanding. Why has the universe seen fit to toss and turn you at every chance, jostling your being to the core. Vacillating between two sides of yourself, the one that wants to believe him and the one that doesn’t.

Wetness drips down your cheeks, finally breaking down. You sniffle against his shoulder, even more upset with yourself for willingly accepting his embrace. It’s not that the thought of death bothered you, it’s what your trust was broken. Was everything Marco told you a ruse?

You don’t know. You suppose no one other than the aforementioned person knows, if he’s still alive. It’s embarrassing, truly humiliating to know you told him the secrets of yourself. All for it to amount to nothing, a dagger twisting into your side repeatedly.

Giorno hushes you, pulling you tighter against him. He coos sweet words into your ear, now rubbing the small of your back. You take all of him in, accepting him in a moment of profound weakness. There’s deep pain, first, then nothing. Emotions come to a halt, numbness settling in as you cease weeping.

What is there to feel now?

Soft lips press against your forehead, Giorno offering a chaste kiss. This amount of physical affection is the most he’s ever given you at once, now offering you all of himself. Too weak to protest, you close your eyes, wanting to sleep and never worry about anything again.

Why try anymore.

Giorno... did he speak the complete truth? That you can only trust him? He’s given you everything you could ask for, always turning the other cheek when you lashed out at him. He loves you, in his own twisted way. Even after all the rejection you spewed at him, he loves you still.

“Amore, oh amore,” he whispers into your ear, warm breath causing you to shudder. He pulls back from your amorous embrace, taking your face in his thumb and lifting it. “I’ll take care of everything. Come, let’s get you cleaned up for the night. You must be tired, hm?”

So, so tired. Of everything. Of this life you live.

Arms sneak around your shaking torso once more, and he places his head atop yours. Tears are gone for now, a well long dried up. Now, you stand and shake. Head devoid of coherent thoughts, limp against him. He holds you up, keeping you steady.

You close your eyes. Has Giorno always smelled this pleasant? It’s starting to grow on you. Your ear is against his chest, his skin pressed against your own. Listening carefully, you hear the steady thump of his heart. The one before that you thought to place a knife through, now bringing you solace.

What a joke this world is.

Giorno accepts you, always. Like he said time and time again, the words now settling in. You mutter something against his chest, voice seemingly inaudible. Even you are uncertain of what they are, yet he seems to understand nonetheless.

And he smiles, content.

#giorno #giorno giovanna x reader #yandere giorno #yandere giorno giovanna #yandere giorno giovanna x reader #yandere giorno x reader #Giorno Giovanna #giovanna giorno #giorno x reader #JoJo's Bizzare Adventure #jojo's bizarre adventures #yandere jojo's bizzare adventure #yandere jojo x reader #yandere jojo's bizarre adventure #yandere #yandere x reader #my stuff #commissions

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its-toasted · 3 years

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Btw listen to Amphetamine by Smino or just Blkswn entirely

One of the bullshit joints about Asian culture is that unless you're deformed or dying you're probably not gonna get diagnosed. At least around here, when you're still in school, living with parents.

I'm half Korean and Chinese and I've seen it plenty. In my family, in other families, in the macro-community sense for sure -- the unmistakable culture of sweeping things under the rug if it's gonna make people uncomfortable. If people think they don’t know how to talk about it. Maybe this isn't even Asian, maybe it's just bougie, or human, but it's definitely amplified in this culture that's so rooted in shame.

It goes beyond the generation gap, or an aversion to tackling tough topics, like it's part of the culture. It's a real-ass phenomenon, just what people do. And that's sooo not me, which was funny, like growing up I wanted to talk about everything with everyone. I was kinda aight. And I got by without going crazy because I have a brother one year older than me who gets everything, you know? Who sees what I see, which is often all you need as a kid. Plus a good internet connection.

I've had ADHD my entire life. It's just wrong to say otherwise. But I wasn't convinced for a long time because when I absolutely need to focus, I'm bulletproof. But if I don't need to, I'm not going to. Like if I can blow this off I probably will. I'm wired weird. It's not crippling, but it's bad, but I've always gotten by. I see it manifest and trip me up every day. And I know it's not weed because this is how I've always been.

My mind just doesn't stay present well. It's always on a walk in the park. I procrastinate mostly everything until there's just enough time to be clutch. There's a clear lack of an ability to remain focused unless I'm about to get clapped. The way I stay digitally and mentally organized is not very organized. No matter what kind of writing I'm doing, I produce it an illogical order. I have a bad memory even for the people and things I care so much about. When I drive or shower and think up a thought I want to keep, it's probably gone in 10 seconds. Gone as in gone. Until hours or months later it comes back like a fucking boomerang I'd already thrown away the box for. Also I fidget. The business of my restless leg syndrome been booming this entire post. This entire morning. Every day.

As I write this out it's kinda crumbling in my hands tbh. Like maybe I have been better off not being hooked on amphetamines my whole life. I was taking it daily in college for some time and only stopped because I was in love for a whole summer. Maybe I should be thanking ma and pops for that, the silver lining of all this sweepage, because I know how easy it is for me to start moving like an addict.

But something like therapy, or counseling, or medication for anxiety has always been out of the question. At least not anymore. The one time I mentioned it growing up ma laughed. My favorite and least favorite laughs are her’s. And that was whack but I get it. Being able to care for mental health is a luxury my parents couldn't afford. And certainly not their parents before them. And it shows. Roasted. Sorry. This post started out as a rant on procrastination I swear

#personal #adhd

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keiscait · 3 years

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Hello!! I see that your matchups are open and I was wondering if I could get a Living Room and Bedroom one? Living Room would be more preferable if u can’t do both. I’m not sure if this is enough to cover both…I’m sorry agdhshdhejdbjdj

I’m not sure if u can do this but could u make this anon too? You can associate me by this emoji: 🕺

Here’s the info:

PRONOUNS: she/her

PERSONALITY (Living Room): I am generally very shy and closed off, always making sure I avoid people. I stay away from large crowds because I’m a ball of anxiety (I get anxiety easy) and I get really nervous whenever someone approaches me, especially around guys like I usually won’t look at them in the eyes because I become a blushy mess and lose my words. I am also usually very quiet too and don’t talk a lot.

However, when I talk to my close friends, I literally become Hinata (no joke). I get so hyped, energetic, cheerful, make my friends laugh, and help them a lot too. I am also very passionate about things. When I am suffering with a problem, I don’t like telling friends because I don’t wanna worry them because I feel bad. I end up telling my best friend (they are literally Kageyama to me LOL). I also apologize a lot if I felt I did something wrong and I am quite odd to my friends. I end up getting into playful banter with my close friends where I tease them with playful jokes. I am quite observant too since I don’t usually talk to people, so I notice things from afar. I can tell if a friend of mine has a slight change in their behavior and I will ask if they are ok to be sure. I am also very honest, straightforward and pretty blunt about things.

Do not get me upset. It takes a lot for someone to make me upset and actually angry. The most I would get is being annoyed. However, if you managed to get me angry, I lose my temper and yell and my friends have mentioned it’s as if I would snap someone in two. I do curse like crazy so people get surprised since I am usually quiet. Again it is rare, but I’ve been told it’s scary when I get angry. I will eventually be alone to recharge and wouldn’t want anybody to talk to me.

When it comes to relationships, I don’t have that much experience…I hate PDA so I’m really private. I’m actually afraid to love somebody because I’m afraid I won’t be good at all so if somebody was crushing on me and shows affection, I try to divert that attention to something else because I get shy and get so scared. Again it’s hard to look at someone I like in the eyes because I blush so much. It’s hard to show affection by words so I show it by actions like hugs. I would love to hold their hands, caressing them or squeezing them just to feel the comfort and warmth. I think I might be very tender and gentle but I think as I open up, I might get cheery and energetic but that’s a theory. I do try my best to make them happy even if it takes me a while to get comfortable and I’ll try to shower them with love by physical actions. Maybe I’ll draw for them too to make them happy…

I love art. I love to draw for my friends because I love seeing them get so excited for the finished product. I also love listening to music every day so when I’m alone and away from everyone, I just blast music through my headphones. I love gaming too so you’d find me playing the Switch!

I am a perfectionist, hardworking and always try my best even if I get put down. Sometimes I might overwork when it comes to drawing but that’s because I get so eager to improve every day. I also love to give support to my friends for their dreams and but I am not an optimist or pessimist, I am a realist.

IN BEDROOM: Pretty much the same when it comes down to relationships. I get extremely flustered and shy about physical affection and worry if I’m not good at all. I might be a bottom aagdhhshdhsjdjd I just don’t see myself having confidence in these kinds of experiences. I would love if somebody was gentle and passionate with me tho…Since I don’t rly interact with people in the public, I think I might be touch starved so any physical affection might drive me crazy (in the good way). As flustered as I get, I am pretty dirty-minded.

ZODIAC: Aries

THINGS I LOOK FOR IN A PARTNER: quiet, calm, observant, passionate, playful, a tease, cold yet caring, strong, emotional, empathetic, kind, understanding, respectful, and not afraid to speak their mind

HOGWARTS HOUSE: Gryffindor!!

FAV FOOD: I loveeee food. I am always hungry for food. I love spicy food especially. I love pasta/spaghetti, pizza, sushi, and I love chicken burgers

FUTURE PLANS/DREAMS: I just hope to be successful and actually feel happy. I hope I’ll land a good position for art like for animation or games (especially if it’s anime-related!) I’m not sure if I’ll find someone to settle down with but only time will tell.

MUSIC TASTE: Rock, J-Rock, Future Funk, Lofi, and I adore anime and video game OST LOOKS: I’m smol like 5'3. I have light skin but not pale (it’s like Hinata’s) and I have red/brown hair and brown eyes. I also have little freckles on my cheeks I’m so sorry if it’s so much but maybe it helps ; __ ; Thank u for doing these and make sure to take breaks!!

————————————————-

Hello and welcome, dear! This is wonderful - thank you for all the details, it gives me a lot to work with! ❤️ I’m so excited to get started with this. Let’s go to the living room! ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

For you, I’ve invited over…

Kita Shinsuke! (Runner up: Sugawara Koushi)

Our lovely Inarizaki captain may come off as cold and stoic, but he’s really just unbothered my trivial things. He strives for improvement daily, and ensures he goes through the motions before reaching perfection.

- When you two first meet, I don’t think there will be a lot of interaction there - but when there is, it’s definitely more comfortable than it is awkward. Kita has the effect on people that makes them feel safe and secure, like all the pressures of life just disappear for a moment

- This is how your friendship starts. He proves himself more and more approachable by the day. You’re both straightforward and observant people, so you two would probably tag-team when interacting with other people. He’ll make you feel secure in the friendship despite his no-nonsense bluntness, while he appreciates that you aren’t a flashy person

- The fact that you’re a hardworking perfectionist helps him relate to you on a deeper level. He’d be so happy to find someone who understands this part of him

- He will probably make himself more present in your life by doing little things - helping you clean up after class, sending you tips on how to study for a subject you’re having trouble with, offering an ear for you to rant if he notices something’s off

- He does everything slowly and with very close precision, all in the hopes of you becoming more comfortable around him

- the man is near perfect, what more can I say

- OF COURSE he succeeds. He’s Kita Shinsuke

- Don’t worry, he won’t be thrown off by your more playful side once it comes out. Kita most likely already got hints of your sunshine here and there while he was slowly gaining your trust

- Once he feels like it’s the perfect time, only THEN will he ask you out

- Let out your inner gremlin!!!!! He can 100% handle it, since he’s so used to the chaos of his team by now and he has somehow remained?? completely SANE?? what a man

- AND the difference is, he LIKES YOU!!!1!!!!!!!1!!

- He will adore all your little quirks, and may even participate in your playful banter

- Does not mind that you’re not into PDA. Hell, he might even be relieved–

- He’d notice how you try to divert affection, and will try to talk to you about it. You won’t have to say much, he’ll be able to tell from your body language that it’s because you’re anxious to love somebody, and will never take that against you

- Will work on trying to break through those walls, but wouldn’t ever force it

- Prepare for a beautiful domestic future 🥺🥺🥺 a simple life on a farm in the Japanese countryside with the man of your dreams?? You, an artist, and him, a farmer???? The absolute PUREST domestic dream 😭😭😭

You were sat in your worktable, sketching away the morning. A deadline was fast approaching, so you could hardly allow yourself to rest - so the first thing you did today, as with most days, was work.

The art block hit a few days back. Your nights have recently been filled with drooping eyes paired with a throbbing headache, and they were now slowly eating up your mornings, too. You massaged your neck, sore from hunching over your desk so much - all you could at the moment was stare at the now blank sheet in front of you. You weren’t satisfied with any of the pieces you made, so you always ended up scrapping whatever it is that you were doing.

You were snapped out of your daze at the sound of the cuckoo clock. You noticed that you were gripping the pen a little too hard, causing some redness on your fingertips. A frustrated groan escaped you as your hands rubbed circles into your temples. The morning felt so dull.

The time read 7AM. Two hours on the desk and not a single thing, you thought to yourself. Like clockwork, you heard the door open and close as Kita came back from field work. He stopped in his tracks upon seeing you.

“You’re awake?” His tone was more concerned than surprised. He had witnessed your restlessness these past few days, doing whatever he can to ease your frustration a a little bit. This wasn’t anything new to him, seeing as you were both workaholics, but he couldn’t help but worry about how this deadline was treating you.

You managed a weak smile as you met his eyes. He looked pretty in the morning light - sweat trickling down his neck, some of his hair clinging to his forehead, lips slightly parted to allow better breathing. It was rare for you to see him like this since he usually gets up and finishes work before you get up. The sight comforted you a bit, as if the bleakness dissipated for a little while.

He walked over to the coffee machine to run it. “Still no luck?”

“I’ve been at it since 5AM.” You let out an exasperated sigh. “I woke up when you went out to work. I couldn’t go back to sleep thinking about it.”

He hummed in acknowledgment. The two of you stayed quiet for a while, with only the sounds of the coffee machine and birds chirping. The peacefulness almost sunk in until you were reminded of the stress looming over your head. You let out another sigh.

You were staring down the blank sheet again, sick of the emptiness it posed. With a pen in hand, you tried to mimic the motions of drawing strokes, hoping for a sudden burst of inspiration. Nothing.

Kita laid a cup of coffee next to you. “You barely slept, y/n. At least eat a bit.” That elicited no response from you - all you could do was lean back in your chair, feet put up onto the seat.

Your boyfriend placed his finger under your chin, making you look up at him standing next to you. “Y/n.”

He examined your expression - you were so tired; redness peaked from the corners of your eyes, and your lips were almost pale. “You need food in your system, y/n.”

“I don’t have time to eat, Shin, this is–”

“Food is what the brain runs on. Even a child knows that,” he teased as he pulled you on your feet and led you to the kitchen table, “Eat.”

You had no choice but to oblige. You plucked a banana from its bunch, munching away while Shin scrambled some eggs. Before you knew it, a breakfast was spread out in front of you. The brown-eyed boy pressed a kiss at the top of your head as you praised him. “I don’t deserve you,” you said with a smile.

“It’s just breakfast,” he chuckled, “and you do deserve me. You deserve the world.”

The world suddenly felt full of color again, and you were ready to face the dreary white that’s been mocking you the whole week.

I hope that was alright with you, dear! Let’s head over to the bedroom ٩(◕‿◕｡)۶

Look who’s here for some alone time!

Semi Eita! (Runner up: Kageyama Tobio)

One of the prettiest setters to date, Semi here has his moments of sincerity despite the scary attitude he puts up. He comes off as a domineering personality, but I feel like in the bedroom, he’d be incredibly tender.

- Don’t believe the mask he puts up. Semi bb is a big softie for his s/o!!!!! CHANGE MY MIND

- In the bedroom, you well-being would be TOP priority - he would constantly ask you if this or that is okay, and make sure your comfortable with whatever the two of you are doing

- Your first time would be SO intimate: if you planned it beforehand, he’d go as far as laying out candles, setting up a fragrance to fill the room, and maybe even laying out roses; if it isn’t planned, he’d hold you close the whole time, and won’t really get rough with how he handles you

- Has enough confidence to take the lead. He’s pretty self-assured, and this will really translate in the bedroom

- Knows where to touch you and is gentle about it, making sure to test things out first before going at it

- When he gets to know your more dirty side, that’s when he brings up stuff he’d like to try out. Try surprising him every now and then by telling him you want to try something new ( 　･ิω･ิ)

- Oh, his moans. SO GOOD. They’re soft, but so raw, and it would almost sound melodic. Would also chant your name a lot

- I can’t imagine him being loud in the bedroom, but he’d definitely be into dirty talk - I imagine it’s one of his top kinks - more praising than degrading

- He’s also into choking, unless you’re not comfortable with it, then for sure, he wouldn’t force it on you

- MAKES THE PRETTIEST O FACES. WHAT I’D GIVE TO SEE IT

- Would lay on top of you (or under, whichever position you were in) for a while before aftercare. He wants some time to hold you while winding down

- Aftercare would be quick but careful - he wants to ensure that he’s got everything covered

- The epitome of Making Love, as opposed to simply “having sex”

Sorry for the long wait, darling! I hope you enjoyed all of that, and thank you so much for your patience. Feel free to pay me another visit, or just sit and chat with me anytime :D

Thanks for stopping by! (ﾉ´ヮ`)ﾉ*: ･ﾟ

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serendipitous-magic · 4 years

Text

Question Game - AKA Oversharing Hour

I was tagged by @the-angry-pixie! And I’m a chronic oversharer, so this was fun. I’ll put most of it under a read more line because there’s a LOT.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen?

Black. Dunno why.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city?

City city city city city city city city. I’m already going fucking batshit as it is, trapped in suburbia. I want to be able to actually do things, anything. Anything other than just being around the house and / or work. (And I felt like this before the pandemic started.) If you live in the city you can walk out your door and be somewhere else within like 5 minutes. A city park, a cafe, a train/subway, a local attraction, a museum, an artist’s booth, an outdoor market, etc. etc.

Living in suburbia is like, well, to go literally anywhere you have to get into your car first and drive like 10 minutes minimum to get out of the neighborhood, and then if you want to go anywhere that’s not the grocery store you have to drive 20 minutes to get to another area of town, and then once you get there that’s the only place you can be without getting into your car again and getting a nice shot of anxiety from having to drive in traffic and have aggressive drivers roar up on your ass because you’re going 5mph above the speed limit and they want to be going 15mph above, and god help you if you have to merge, and oh by the way this is your only option to get around because public transit doesn’t really exist in any useful way in Big Suburbia, and nothing in within walking distance of your house except like 2 playgrounds and maybe one (1) gas station. (I hate it here lmao)

If I was trapped in the country I’d probably be chill with it for about a week, and enjoy the break, and the on day 8 I’d snap and go on a murdering spree out of stir-craziness.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be?

I want to learn German and eventually be fluent in it. But since I’ve already started trying to learn and I don’t know if that counts, I’ll say cinematography. As in the actual working of the camera and lighting and all that. I can dream up some pretty striking images but actually getting the camera to do the settings needed to capture them is another story entirely.

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

Nope. I drink coffee and tea both, and I don’t put any kind of sweetener in either of them. I used to put a shitton of sugar in my coffee and honey in my tea, and then I had some mild eating disorder struggles in college and I never got back in the habit of putting stuff in my hot drinks after that. It just tastes wrong now, after being used to plain black coffee.

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

Either the Harry Potter series or The Hobbit. My grandma would take care of me a lot when I was really little because my parents both worked full time to support us, and every single time I was at her house she’d sit us down at the dining room table and read something to me. Not Junie B. Jones or anything, either, but real, big, thick books. I loved the shit out of Harry Potter and The Hobbit; I would request them repeatedly. We pretty much went back and forth; we’d read Harry Potter, and then The Hobbit, and then when a new Harry Potter book came out we’d read that, and then The Hobbit again, and so on and so forth.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

Showers. I love baths, they’re magical, but ain’t nobody got time for that unless it’s a special occasion. I got too much shit to do to spend an hour lying in the bathtub.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be?

Vampire. Purely on the basis that if I was immortal maybe I’d finally have time to get my to-do list done and accomplish things. I’d miss the sunlight though.

8. Paper or electronic books?

Paper. Here’s the thing, I really want to enjoy ebooks, but they just don’t hold my attention at all. Maybe I’m too conditioned by the internet to have a short attention span when I’m looking at a screen, idk.

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

I have a dark gray hoodie from the Seattle Aquarium from when I went on a road trip across America with my BFF a few years ago. It’s still my absolute favorite thing. I also enjoy my hiking boots a lot. (I wear them all the time, really they should just be called “everyday boots” haha)

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it?

I like my name and I would also like to start going by something different. Probably just because I’m a restless soul and I feel the best (and least trapped) when I’m on the move or when things are changing. The second I get somewhere I want to be somewhere else. That’s just how I am. Gwen is a cool name (I’ve personally met maybe 3 people in my whole life with the same name, face-to-face), but there’s a lot attached to that nickname that I don’t necessarily want to carry with me when I eventually escape my hometown and start down a new path.

11. Who is a mentor to you?

A friend and former professor whom I usually refer to online as Producer Man. He’s a producer (as you may have guessed) who kind of took me under his wing after I was in one of his film classes in college. We work together on film projects now and he’s teaching me bit-by-bit (usually by way of long, rambling, tangential stories / lectures) about the industry. He’s a really good guy. Like, he for sure has a case of Old White Guy sometimes, but his heart is absolutely in the right place. “He’s a little confused, but he’s got the spirit.” He’s always leaving $10 tips at coffee places and working himself to the bone to get his students connected to jobs and internships that will help them with their careers.

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for?

Yes, my stories. Actually, “famous” is not the right word. It’s just that fame is so tightly associated with success in our society. I want to be successful. Whether I’m widely known or not is pretty inconsequential to me. I want to make stories and I want them to have an impact. Books, film, etc. It’s about as simple as that.

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

Oh yeah. I have trouble sleeping as much as I should because I usually kind of jerk awake in the morning with this vague feeling that I forgot something or that I’m late for something. Also I stay up later than I should because I’m a night owl, and yet I like being up early because early mornings are great. And usually if I dream at all it’s something kind of stressful, like I dream that I forgot something important or did something wrong. I’m a Stressed Bean.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person?

I think so, yeah. I’m pretty obsessed with the idea of romance (I mean look at my OTPs), but heteronormativity got me fucked up enough that I’m bad at actually navigating real romantic feelings or relationships because society never prepared me for The Gay.

15. Which element best represents you?

Fire, probably.

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

My mom. We fight a lot and there tends to be a lot of tension between us. It’s a long complicated story. It boils down to, she really hurt me when I came out as not-straight at 15 and she lost all of my trust and even though she’s working on being less homophobic we’re still kind of trying to repair that divide seven years later.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

Dude, I miss everyone. I’m an introvert and I’d love to be at a big party right now. I miss socialization. (As does everyone.)

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

The first time I experienced deja vu, I was about eehhh 6? And I legitimately believed, for several years of my life, that I had future-predicting abilities. Like, supernatural-level future-predicting abilities. Because I didn’t really know what deja vu was, so I thought, every time it happened, that I had already ~seen~ that moment in my dreams or something. 🤣

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

Hm. (My immature ass brain yells “DICK.” No, brain. Those were dark heteronormative times. Also, grow up.)

Probably some of the sushi in Seattle. I actually love sushi, it’s just that when it has full-on legs and eyeballs I start getting a little squeamish. I like the rolls and the kind where there’s some fish meat laid out on a nice little bed of rice, that’s delicious. But when they brought out the whole shrimp with legs still attached, I was like “How in the (redacted) am I going to chew / swallow that.”

20. What are you most thankful for?

That I happened to be living with family when this pandemic hit. I was supposed to move out (and across the country, actually) as of... like 4 days ago, as it happens. That was the plan. Plane ticket was gonna be booked for 7/15/20. Obviously, things didn’t quite work out that way, because of the pandemic and a few other reasons. But I can’t imagine if I had been in an apartment living with roommates, or in an apartment on my own struggling to get by, when this happened. A lot of people couldn’t pay rent and lost their homes. I was very, very lucky to be where I was, when I was, and very lucky that I have family who let me stay in their house pretty much indefinitely while this clusterfuck of a year happens.

21. Do you like spicy food?

Yes! I looooove spicy thai food especially. I miss the massaman curry from a local Thai place so much 😭

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

Um. Maybe? I met Veronica Roth once at an author talk in the library where I work, although it was before I worked there. And I met some guy from New Zealand who’s famous for his sword fighting skills because my dad does sword fighting stuff. Don’t remember his name though.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

Yep. I have to write down everything or I forget. (I often say I have the memory of a goldfish.) Also, I have this compulsion to record and preserve my experiences in life, because I feel like our time on Earth is so fleeting and if I don’t write down what’s important to me, I’ll forget it and lose it.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil?

Pen. Pencil gets smudged.

25. What is your star sign?

Scorpio, which is ironic because they’re supposed to be ~hyper sexual~ I guess, and I’m like gray-ace or something in that zone.

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy?

Crunchy. Who eats soggy cereal? Are you okay? Do you need help? This is an intervention.

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

My stories. Life and sentience, as we experience it, is made up of just that: experience. And I read somewhere that, on some level, the human brain doesn’t differentiate that much between real life experiences and fictional experiences. I think that’s true. If you read or watch or hear the right story, it can really touch you and change the way you see life, or even change the way you live life. Stories have an incredible amount of power, both in individual people’s lives and in larger society. A huge amount of power. I want to be able to give people experiences that will Enrich Their Lives (do I sound like a lifestyle coach yet? 🤦🏼‍♀️), but also stories that actively do good in society. Positive representation, body positivity/neutrality, diversity, healthy relationships (Hollywood has a real problem with that). Hope. It’s the best thing I can think to give society, and storytelling is what I love to do.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read?

I love reading. I wish I did it more. Part of my problem is that I get caught up in the hectic Rat Race of modern society and I never feel like I have time to sit down with a book for hours. Another problem of mine is that I start too many things at once, meaning I currently have like 5-10 (I lost count) books that I started reading, and I want to finish all of them, which means no progress ever gets done on any of them.

I last finished The Goldfinch, and I am currently working on The Secret History, Good Omens, Dune, a book my dad wrote, Directing Actors, Shot by Shot, The Way of Kings and I forget what else.

29. How do you show someone you love them?

Physical affection, acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, and gifts, in that order. If I’m close to someone, whether romantically or not, I want all the affection. And I’m kind of dying in quarantine.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

Depends. I usually don’t put any in, because it’s just gonna water down the drink and get in the way of drinking it (you know when the ice attacks your face?), but I don’t really mind ice in my drinks.

31. What are you afraid of?

Helplessness. I Have Control Issues. ✌️ Also stagnation.

32. What is your favourite scent?

Amber. Or any scent that’s kind of autumn-y. You know what I mean. Some other examples include dryer sheets, wood smoke, cigarette smoke (my big sister used to smoke a long long time ago, and although I never saw her do it, I still associate the scent with her), pine resin, rain, that Mahogany Woods scent from Bath and Bodyworks.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

If they introduce themselves as Pam I call them Pam. If they introduce themselves as Mr. Brown I call them Mr. Brown.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

If “money is not a factor” means I have an infinite amount of money to spend as I wish, then: buy land, build film studio complex on land, found company, hire fellow creatives, make movies.

If “money is not a factor” just means that I don’t have to work 40 hours a week to afford rent, then: move to Chicago, rent a nice studio apartment, write stories, maybe work 15 hours a week at a used bookstore or coffee shop to get me out of the house and socialize. Go to museums, go to the park, walk along Lake Michigan, go to gay bars, ride the train, brave the Illinois winters, own a cat, paint, play guitar. Build my actual career on writing / storytelling. Probably also do some filmmaking.

Alternatively: buy an RV (not like an American Trailer Park shitty RV, I’m talking the NOICE ones), buy good film equipment, be a freelancer, live in RV driving around to wherever the next filming location is. Life is a road trip and I’m doing what I love. Writing, storytelling, filmmaking. My home would travel with me. Writing in cafes; roadside attractions; early mornings on the road with coffee in the cup holder as the sun comes up; being able to go anywhere to film; always experiencing something new.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

I’ve lived in a landlocked state my whole life, so I guess swimming pools. And, listen, I CANNOT get water in my mouth at the beach without wondering exactly how many kids have peed (or worse) in that water. (I know that’s a thing with pools too, but pools get cleaned.)

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground?

Wonder what some poor European is doing in America right now. But if it was $50, I’d probably yell “DID ANYONE DROP THIS?” and then take it if no one speaks up.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star?

A few times, yeah.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children?

Grades are not the end-all-be-all. Skip some homework assignments to spend time with friends. Skip class sometimes. I’m serious. If you make school your top priority, even over your own personal life, you will come away with good grades and a lot of regret and missed opportunities. Learning is HELLA important, and very very little of it happens inside a school building. Get a 15 hour weekend or after-school job in high school, befriend your coworkers, and have fun with it. Use your paychecks however you want. Join a school club - one that you’re actually interested in. Do stupid shit. Light your textbooks on fire after graduation or go to the 24 hour Wendy’s at 2am with your friends or kiss that person you met at summer camp or sleep on the porch because it’s too hot to sleep inside. Be smart and safe, but follow your whims. If you let yourself fall into routine, apathy will poison you.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

I already have a couple small ones, but the one I want next is a four-leaf clover. Don’t know where. Maybe my right inner wrist or maybe an ankle. Or like behind my ear. Luck has saved me so many times. (See above, with how I happened to be living with family when COVID hit.)

40. What can you hear now?

Swamp cooler downstairs, the clock ticking in my office, cars outside, people moving around the house. I’m surprised the neighbor kids aren’t shrieking their absolute heads off as per the usual.

41. Where do you feel the safest?

When I’m alone and unobserved.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

TMI warning, but I absolutely despise public bathrooms. How am I expected to pee when there’s somebody sitting like three (3) feet away, with only a partial wall between us, hearing everything that’s going on? My fight or flight response simply will not allow it. It’s too awkward and therefore Not Safe. Either that public restroom has to be empty except for me, or it has to be so loud and bustling that ain’t nobody hearing anything. Anything in-between and I’m in hell.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

The ‘80s. Let’s be honest, even that far back makes my life (as a woman, and as a gay person) hella difficult. But, consider this: it’s the ‘80s. Furthermore, consider this: a part-time job might have actually supported me and paid rent back then 😱 Holy fucking shit. Sign me up. I just wouldn’t want to go any further than than like 1980, because again: lesbian. Being a woman in the past = even harder than it is today, being gay in the past = even harder than it is today, being a gay woman in the past = oh no.

44. What is your most used emoji?

In order of descending frequency:

😂🙄😊😁🤦🏼‍♀️👀😬🌈🤷🏼‍♀️😙

45. Describe yourself using one word.

Creative

46. What do you regret the most?

Wasting my entire teenage experience. (See #38.) I did quite literally nothing with my life except homework for like 18 years. If I had taken even a tenth as much time for myself as I did for school, I would be so much farther along as a person today.

47. Last movie you saw?

In the theaters? ........ uh. Shit, I don’t actually remember. It’s been like 5 months. (As it has for everyone.) But the last movie I watched was Lights Out, because I’ve been watching the director’s youtube channel. You could tell it was low-budget and that the director was still kind of finding his stride, but it had a lot of heart behind it and the creators clearly gave a fuck, which made it enjoyable. I am firmly in the camp of “not everything has to be a Magnum Opus or have a multi-billion dollar budget to be a good movie.” If I engaged with it and got some sort of emotional experience out of it, and if it had a good message, I consider it a good movie.

48. Last tv show you watched?

I don’t usually watch a whole lot of TV shows (who has the time?) but I think the last thing I watched was either The Witcher or that new Unsolved Mysteries miniseries on Netflix. Oh and I was watching Dead to Me because I just love Linda Cardellini’s face and I want to wrap Judy up in a blanket and cuddle the shit out of her and protect her from all things 🥺 My precious beautiful unstable sweet murder baby.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning.

Apapanic. It’s where you’re so stressed about things that half of your brain is panicking but the other half is so overwhelmed that it circled all the way back around to being calm to the point of apathy, so you just kind of sit there like

#about me #tag game #except as usual i'm not gonna tag people because I don't have to social energy to ask people to do things #sorry i know that's kind of cheating #if you wanna overshare just say I tagged you lol #personal #tmi

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gonnabewell · 4 years

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im frustrated :( just talked to my therapist about adhd again the other day, and he went over the results of the test, which puts me well within the range ! for add, and he still doesn’t think i have it. i tried to tell him it’s not just inattentive symtoms i experience, but some hyperactive ones as well, mostly verbal hyperactivity and ever present internalized feelings of restlessness (which makes sense since im a girl), and i explained how even though i only fit four of the five hyperactive bullets in the dsm, the ones that apply are VERY applicable. not “this is kinda me...” but “THATS ME! and thats why ive faced so much peer rejection, and that’s why i was called annoying ever since elementary school, and that’s why i’m always figety and feel worse in environments when i have to be still!” and he said “you’re not hyperactive at all.” like just straight up. and im just so frustrated. i really trust and respect my therapist, and he’s helped me so much, and is the best therapist ive ever had... but i feel like im not making progress. if it’s adhd, then that’s an explanation, you know? for why just targetting, say, perfectionism as a source of procrastination and low self esteem, and not the executive dysfunction and other root behaviors that caused that, hasn��t worked. but if it’s not adhd, then i really don’t know. my mom believes me (and even heavily identifies with a lot of adhd symtoms too, which, yeah, would make sense), and even my dad who doesn’t believe in adhd (and is also very defensive about having a lot of adhd symtoms ive explained, which would also make sense...) agrees that it could describe me. but they both say, ultimately, what’s most important is learning how to cope healthily through cbt no matter the diagnosis, which i agree with! but they don’t get how crazy i feel when ive done research and am pretty sure...but my therapist isn’t convinced. and like yes, i know my mental health is messy, i know i have depression and anxiety and serious self worth shit and even maybe some trauma... but a LOT of it would b, i think, clarified by an adhd diagnosis. (you know, rejection sensitivity, secondary depression, etc.) it’s driving me crazy, and i can’t stop thinking about it, and going back and forth convincing myself i’m absolutely right or that i’m projecting and just lazy. i just want to understand myself and get better. i cant stand not being able to do the things i enjoy because i can’t start them or stay focused. i cant stand that i need either a deadline or hyperfocus to write music or practice, and what it means for my identity as a musician when i havent practiced in a month. i cant stand that i start projects in a state of creative bliss and then abandon them to sit in the pile of things i one day want to finish but cant and it really fucks with me. i cant stand another day of being insanely understimulated and depressed and not being able to pull myself out of it when everything that would make me feel better is too much to even approach. i cant stand not being able to form any lasting habits, how everything stays a conscious effort and i just keep failing again and again. it makes me feel like such a loser that im an adult and yet without my mom i wouldnt even be able to function in the most basic capacities. and i cant ignore it anymore! i know that the only way ill ever be in a better place is addressing all that, and it’s at a point where i think it’s...just ignoring reality to not call it adhd. and yet im so unsure! i think im gonna implode

#personal #adhd #dont rb #rant #sorry yall

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amoristt · 6 years

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appetence.

nathan prescott x reader

a/n: for the requesters who both wanted soumate AU’s, i combined the enemies to lovers request :3 it jus makes it easier on me . the au i chose is ‘shares the same injuries’! it’s super short, so sorry for that. i have another one coming out that it’s as... aggressive lol

disclaimer: i know nathan is not a good person. i am not putting a blanket over his actions in this fic. i, the writer, understand he’s not an innocent character and has made many terrible choices. im just answering people’s requests as well as appreciating the complex character he is, please dont put me under the fire for it.

thank you.

reblogs + tags and replies will make my entire day as i put a lot of effort into this !!!

Warning: language

Never in your life have you been the type of person for physical violence.

Never in your life have you had to hold yourself back from reaching out, taking someone by the collar of their jacket, and wringing their neck. Every part of you wants to see it through- reach out and tear them a new one with a certain primal rage you don’t know how to digest. It’s uncomfortable, it makes you restless. Never have you reached such a new level of absolute indignation.

Yet, here you stand. Hours after class has ended, atop the grass, secluded just before sunset.

Balled fists, narrowed eyes, bared teeth. You feel like an monster.

He stands before you, smug as all hell, and the look in his fucking eyes drives you crazy. He looks at you like he knows he’s better than you.

Arcadia Bay’s spoiled fucking brat.

He’s followed you all the way out here like a shadow. The obsession he has with pissing you off is criminal. It took one mistake of tripping him in the hallway because he wasn’t looking where he was going, but of course it was your fault. Of course it painted you as a target. First, it made you fear him, but much like a cornered animal, that terror turned into anger.

That anger festered, and festered, until you could no longer bear it.

Everyone has a breaking point.

“What the fuck do you want?” You spit, and you can’t recognize your own voice. It makes you shiver. You just wanted alone time.

Nathan has the raw nerve to scoff and shift his weight. “Whatever I want.”

“You think I have shit for you?” The anger in your voice is so apparent that you think it might take him back as well. He’s silent, just for a moment, the arrogance falters. If not for the rage eating away every layer of kindness within you, you may have recognized the facade. But, you don’t. “Stop following me around like some freak. Don’t you have a father to disappoint?”

Low blow, but everyone knows Sean Prescott is just as bad, if not worse, than Nathan.

He grunts and straightens his back as if that makes him scary. It’s his personality that worries you- a dangerous mixed drink of white hot anger and ego. There’s so much of it inside him that he reeks self-importance. God, it drives you insane. But at least looking at him right now, one on one, you don’t fear his body. Those wiry limbs- he’s got height but it means nothing when he can barely keep himself up right as much as it is.

That’s the only thing that urges you on.

“Better watch your mouth, hoe.” He snaps.

You snarl. “Or what?”

The wind blows and something is about to happen. Something is finally going to happen.

He makes the first move. Up close, you can see the hue of his eyes.

His bony fingers catch your neck and you react violently, hands jutting out, pressing to his chest and throwing him back. He falters- you strike. Another shove to his chest, following by one more, and he falls to the ground flat on his ass. You can’t stop yourself when you meet him at the floor, fist colliding with his cheek, knuckles grating against his bones. It feels like there’s acid under your skin, and the way he looks up at you, shocked at your outburst, makes you realize this is just how you like it.

“Did you really fucking think you could just grab me?” You hiss, and when he tries to get up you lose your composure again. You rise, kick him- drive your heel into his back when he scrambles to his hands to knees to find purchase. If he get’s to his feet it’s over- you know that, so you keep him down. For good measure you deliver another blow to his see and the way he rolls has you satisfied. There’s so much blood- it spills down his face and onto the floor.

“I’ll fucking kill you!” He grunts, grabbing his stomach. You laugh sadistically.

“Oh yeah?” Boldly, you crouch. He’s still reeling and you’re proud at just how hard you struck him. “I know you’ve got this school wrapped around your little finger, Prescott, but leave me the fuck alone.”

“Fuck you, bitch,” He growls. There’s fire in his amber eyes and if you hadn’t been drugged on adrenaline you’d fear him all over again. He seeths. “Just you fucking wait.”

You stand and glare down at him, triumphant. “I look forward to it, prick.”

It’s only when he looks up at you from the floor does something change in his demenager. His eyes grow wide, breath stops in his chest. It looks like fear and you love it. He’s the rabbit, he’s the fucking prey and you’re the hunter trapping him in his place.

Seeing the bridge of his nose split is all you need to know it’s over.

“Don’t ever come near me again,” Your warning is nothing short of terrifying. “Or else.”

And it’s just that easy. Months of torment shattered by just a moment. By just the right force.

His silence is your favorite sound, and it gets even better when he stays silent. He just watches you wide eyes, propped up on his elbows like you’ve finally taught him you aren’t fucking around. He’s not your friend, he’s not your enemy, he’s not even your bitch. He’s nothing.

No blackmail, no photos or snark, just fury and a warning you do intent on fulfilling.

You don’t give him a chance to redeem himself. Pivoting, turning your back to him, nothing stops you as you go.

The image of Nathan Prescott floored and cowering, looking you in the face and afraid to make a move, feels like a five course meals. It weighs so perfectly on your stomach, truly a meal for a champion. You’re so fucking satisfied knowing his reign has ended, knowing that even if he tries again you can take him down. The win isn’t even flashy- it’s just fulfilling.

Walking home, you feel like you don’t have to look over your shoulder anymore. Maybe you made a mistake, maybe you just made it that much worse for yourself, but in that moment, you don’t care. As you enter your dorm, you smile.

You’re proud of yourself- you took him down and left without a scratch.

Or so, you thought.

The mirror you pass by makes you halt. A line of red sticking out like a sore thumb. You eye it, step closer, and your heart picks up. This adrenaline doesn’t feel right. It’s anxiety- oh god-

“No,” You breathe, eyes frantically wide. “No, no, no.”

Reaching up, you swipe your fingers across the bridge of your nose. No blood comes back on your fingers- it makes you cover your mouth.

“Fucking- No! Not him!”

Suddenly it connects with you how quickly Nathan’s explosive anger dissolved into not fear, but shock. Absolute disbelief. You can’t picture him as the prey anymore. You can’t see yourself as the hunter, or as the cornered animal. You can’t see the satisfaction splayed out just for you.

All you can see is the bridge of your nose.

And the gash spread across it.

All you can hear is your teachers throughout your life, all remarking the same phrase, drilling it deep into your skull since the day you were old enough to know what the word ‘soulmate’ meant.

Soulmates, after touching for the first time, will bear the same inflicted wounds.

You cover your entire face, horribly defeated.

That’s how they will know they’re meant for one another.

#nathan prescott #x reader #imagine #scenario #headcanons #life is strange #lis

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whattheshitishappenin · 5 years

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Unconditional part 11 Present Carol x reader fanfic

OMG, IT’S READY!!! :) Was a bit confused at first bc I hadn’t written for so long but ooooh boy I have some news for you,,, I know how it will end now. Finally :D enjoy!!

You spent couple of hours speaking with Mark and after that, it truly felt like you had made a new family member. He understood your struggles and it was fascinating to listen what he did before, during and after being locked up. “The system is fucked up.” You tell him, and he shakes his head sadly. “No need to tell me, I saw it every day.” After some time there’s a phonecall on the motel phone which number you gave to the people in Litchfield. You answer and hear a familiar text: An inmate from Litchf… you won’t listen any further and you press one so fast you almost drop the phone. Another familiar voice speaks but that time it’s the best voice in your life. “Hey.” says Carol. Her voice is quiet and not at all like her usual self. “What’s wrong?” You ask immediately and you feel anxiety filling your entire body. “No, I’m sorry. It’s all good. I didn’t want to scare you. It’s okay. Better actually.” Carol says it all so fast. She knows how fast and unpredictable your emotions can be. “Shit, Carol, don’t do things like that. You call me, all sad, what am I supposed to think.” You are briefly mad at her but then you remember that it’s actually her. You’re talking to your wife after what feels like forever. You smile. “Why didn’t they let me know that I’m now on your call list?” “Bastards, what can you do. But listen, you’re not gonna believe this.” Absolutely every possible scenario goes through your head starting with Carol getting out to her having cancer. The anticipation is driving you insane. Carol continues. “They’re taking me to have a trial.” You’re heart misses a beat and you’re not sure what emotion you’re supposed to be feeling. “What does that mean? Why?” Million questions fly through your head at once. “Some fanatic who’s obsessed with me and Barbie is claiming that he saw us on the night of Debbie’s death and that things didn’t happen as everyone thinks. He’s been crazy enough that they’re opening the case.” You can’t believe it. “That’s amazing! Please find out where they’re taking you, I’ll be there for the trial… somehow.” “What do you mean somehow? Weren’t you like crazy rich or something?” Now Carol’s the one panicking. She knew about your rich family but not that they had disowned you after the murder and ten years in prison. “Look, I have no money. But I’ll be wherever they take you, don’t worry about it.” Mark had listened the phonecall and now interrupted, “Trial? I’ll be there too, don’t worry, I’ll get you there.” Carol was confused for a second. “Who’s that?” “Oh, that’s Mark. How crazy is that, small world, huh. Do you want to talk to him?” Carol didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t spoken with him for a long time. “I have nothing to say I’m afraid, but I’ll let you know where the trial is, and see you then okay? I love you, gotta go.” You don’t really understand what just happened. “I’ll call the warden and ask him where this trial is, they’ll never tell her.” You call the number and hear the calling tone. A man answers and you make a face at what memories it brings back. “Hello, I was wondering if you could tell me the place and time for the trial of Denning sisters?” There was a pause at the other end of the phone but then the warden put the pieces together. “Ah, V, is it? Or should call you by your real name now that you’re out?” You are already annoyed. “Look, call me whatever you want, I just want some information where should I go to see my wife’s trial.” The warden sighed. “Still don’t know how to be a proper human, huh? Fine. It’s next Thursday in Ohio. Go to the Columbus courthouse and say your name, I’ll put you on that list.” For the first time you actually like that man. “Thank you so much.”

You were restless all week and when it was finally time to start driving, you felt like you had waited forever. The drive was also awkward. Mark had been weird since after Carol called amd you weren’t sure whether to ask him about it or not. After an hour of driving you woke up to the car shaking. The road was bumpy and it looked like you were in the middle of nowhere. “Where are we? You sure you aren’t lost?” You had never been to Ohio but you were pretty sure that the road should be more like a highway not a muddy road to forest. “I know exactly where we are.” He stopped the car next to a lake and continued, “You know, you’re a sick person. First you murder someone and then marry someone who killed their little sister. People like you deserve what I do.” You didn’t say anything and let him continue. “After those sickos killed Debbie, I tried to do everything I could to get some justice in this world. Carol obviously didn’t regret what she did and so I quit visiting her. Barbara did seem to feel sorry but I’m still not sure. But now I can get back at Carol at least. But it’s really your fault that you’ll die, come to think of it. Your life, your bad decisions.” You quickly opened the door and jumped out of the car. You were scared out of your mind but you felt a bit safer, knowing that you always carried a knife with you. You thought about your options but in the middle of nowhere in a forest you had no chance. You needed the car. So you decided not to run. He opened the trunk and took an ax. He ran towards you but you were quicker. You avoided the swing and stabbed the knife in his side. He grunted and fell, dropping his ax. You grabbed it and hit him over and over again until he reminded more of sliced meat than human. You put the ax back in the drunk and swiped your forehead, realising your whole front was covered in blood. You washed it away in the lake. All this had made you so behind the schedule, so you got into the driver’s seat and finally after some time found your way back to the highway. When you finally arrived in Ohio, you had half an hour to spare, so you bought new clothes with Mark’s money and then made your way to the courthouse. You could finally see Carol.

#oitnb #carol denning #present carol #fic #fic part 11 #unconditional

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sitinthelight · 5 years

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Well Zach is in his hometown for a few days and I’m in this weird restless mood while being super tired at the exact same time.

I want to go drinking and I want to dance. Actually, I mostly just want to dance. I want to be happy and so fucking giddy that I’m out of my mind and care free and just be in that moment when nothing matters so I’m going to have a good time.

Do you ever have a conversation and you realize hmmm, I probably shouldn’t have said that because now it’s weird? I mean, that’s kind of every extended conversation I have with anyone but still.

I kind of want to punch myself in the face (((: but at the same time, I want to go dancing, so?

I am not going to beat myself up over this! I refuse to! You know, I have gotten so much better about feeling guilty over everything! And I was being vulnerable! So bonus points, right?

Anyway, I’m friends with my ex. I guess we’ve become good friends in the past several months. He asked me if I still was planning to move to Charlotte and of course my whole situation is convoluted (in my mind) so I was like, can I explain it to you over skye because I didn’t feel like talking about it through text.

Jesus, I have no idea how anyone deals with me and talking to me because words don’t come out of my mouth correctly? Like in my head I’m just like this is what I will say! But when it comes out of my mouth it’s like scrabble with words. Have fun rearranging my sentence and guessing what I’m trying to say! AND I SAID NOT TO BEAT MYSELF UP. I will learn how to talk to people one day, I swear.

SO, we’re skyping and he finally gets me to start talking about the situation at hand and I’m explaining the developments in some sort of way and telling him my options. I then proceed to kind of casually mention my hesitation of moving to a new place with Zach because I don’t know how much longer I’m going to be with him. AND boy oh boy oh boy, why did I mention that? To my ex.

Granted, he took it well. He is probably used to my awkwardness by now so I’m guessing that helps and he was very nice and understanding about it and didn’t ask any further questions and I don’t even remember what I said after that.

But I’m kind of mortified.

Btw, I was finally emailed the new leasing terms for my apartment as this current lease ends in July. The new rent will be nearly $1000 and I’m just in shock that they put it up that high out of seemingly no where? With no justification. This is a nice place, I have been very fortunate to have been able to live here for the past 2 years but fuck that. I’m going to start paying my own rent in July and I’m not spending that much money on rent in fucking Winston Salem. Literally, the only other apartments in this area that are that expensive are the fancy luxury ones downtown.

Is $1000 a month normal in other cities or even considered a steal for a 2 bedroom 2 bath? Oh absolutely, but this is Winston Salem. I was told that the price I’ve been paying this past year was way too high but this extra $150 is just head-scratching. How? Why? What on earth. I know Charlotte is worse but like, this isn’t Charlotte.

Yikes can I go on a tangent. Anywayyyyy, yes. I am mortified. Yep yep yep yep yep. Always saying a little toooooo much to people who don’t really need to know that much. Is he a good friend? yes. But he is also my ex and he doesn’t need shit like that dumped on him as I’m sure he has his own problems to deal with.

But it’s been done. It has been said. He was nice about it! I will let this feeling happen for as long as it needs to and then I will resume normal business. I will apologize in the morning and it will be fine. He’ll be cool about it like he always is.

However, there is some adrenaline in my system right now. Like, my mind is going wwwoooooosh all over the place.

I always used to be on my toes around my ex, even during the month and a half we dated. Even during everything that happened after that. He gave me soooo much social anxiety. I once held my pee in for like 4 hours hanging out with him because I was too afraid to move or say I had to go to the bathroom. But Jesus, I reallyyyyy liked him and I wanted to get to know him better and whelp, it’s several years later and I finally am getting over my social anxiety with him. Talking to him regularly has definitely helped.

Honestly, my social anxiety hasn’t been bad lately. I’m still reluctant to make phone calls, except at work. I’m doing so much better with calling people at work. That used to be my most hated task at the bookstore. I hated calling customers to give them bad news about their orders. I always tried to send out emails instead.

But I’ve been chatty with my coworkers and trying to establish “bonds” with them. Dave and Busters opened in the mall so I’m trying to slowly and low-key convince my coworker to go with me. She’s pretty cool. We actually have a lot in common but sadly we are both awkward introverts so it’s taken a year of working with each other to finally figure that out.

The coworker I really wanted to be friends with quit. I feel like we could have been pretty good friends because we have SO much in common and she definitely tried getting to know me on multiple occasions but my personality can be so unforgiving. I act uninterested in fear of being overly interested and IT IS FUCKING GREAT ((((((:

It’s also very possible that I may have had a tiny crush on her. Not like an OMG I AM OBSESSED WITH THIS PERSON type of crush. More like, she’s cute and quirky and I really think she’s cool but I have a boyfriend so these thoughts will stay subdued.

But I haven’t really felt socially anxious lately? And that’s been great. It makes my world a smidge more easier. Depression though? Still here. Always lurking. Always waiting for a moment to strike. The nice weather helps so much though. I’m still weighing pros and cons of medication and therapy in my current situation. I definitely want to put a lot more research and thought into it before I make any decisions. I just know that I want to be on some proper treatment path before seasonal depression hits again.

You know, I have the day off tomorrow. Originally I was going to stay in for most of the day. I was going to leave to pick up a package from the front office (because I bought the most “me” shoes ever”), but now I’m debating actually going out and doing something.

I kind of want to go downtown. That’s so far been my favorite part of this city. There is a brewery/bar that makes an amazing vegetarian burger and though I’m not vegetarian, it’s a fucking amazing burger. Right next to that brewery is a really cool store that sells local items and they have a huge selection of vintage clothes! I walked in out of curiosity a few weeks ago and fell in love with the atmosphere and just the general vibe of the place.

I’m now considering this because I just got an email (who sends emails after midnight?) from the metaphysical store downtown. There is apparently going to be a flash sale and while I don’t need new crystals, they had some really cool ones last time I was in there and hey, maybe this is the time to pick some new ones up.

This is all just a late night and too tired to be alive fever dream though. Honestly, I’ll probably just stay in but one of these days, I’ll do something fun. When I finally get this driving thing down, I’ll have as many fun days as I want because it just sounds like a hassle getting an uber there and back and walking around downtown (which is huge and not every street is entirely safe) by myself. Like the crystal store. It’s really only a ten minute walk but I’m a chicken, okay? I’ve never dealt with so many creeps in my life in any other city as I have here. Did that sentence even make sense? Probably not, I don’t care.

BUT I MIGHT SEE SUPERORGANISM SUNDAY. SO THAT WILL BE FUN.

I’m really hoping Zach will be up for it. I’m praying he will be. I really really really want to go. I’ve become so fond of this band. I’d be so happy to see them live. Also the venue is in a former mid-century car dealership so I’m dying to see it. Zach is the only person whose been around me often enough to know this but I LOVE mid-century modern design and architecture.

I also want a reason to wear fun make up and dress up. Like, this is an excuse to use crazy eyeshadow and glitter because the band is fairly eccentric.

We’ll see though. Zach was supposed to be driving back Saturday evening but his dad bought tickets to see some musician (Bob...S...something) in Virginia for Saturday evening so he’ll be driving back Sunday morning instead :/ It’s like a 4 hour drive from there to here so I don’t know if he’ll have the energy or motivation to drive 1.5 hours to Durham for a band he is only mildly interested in.

I really should just stay in tomorrow though. I could really use the time to answer the essay questions for my application for school and answer back to the advisor (that they already assigned me?). He just wants to go over the program details with me because it is a bit rigorous. I’m up for the challenge though. I need something productive to occupy my time with and I’ve had a good break these past 2 years.

#I literally talk to myself in these posts #also #I wrote this around 1 am #passed out #woke up around 4 am #wrote these tags #and hit post #sooo I'm going back to bed

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medusa-says-imagines · 6 years

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Finding You Part 1- Baron Corbin

Disclaimer: This is my first time writing anything with an A/B/O dynamic at all, and I’ve added my own spin of sorts to things to make it my own. This will be a multipart series. This does not contain smut, and I don’t know if it will later down the road.

The buzz of the back stage area was making my skin crawl. I’ve never been one to handle crowds very well. It’s something that I’ve struggled with since high school. Odd huh? A person who performs in front of thousands of people on a weekly basis has social anxiety… Well it’s true, and I hate it.

I already had my match for the night, and no matter which corner I turned there was always a group there talking loudly and goofing around. I just wanted some quiet. That’s all I wanted. My adrenaline was driving me crazy, and mixed with my anxiety it was not a good situation. I needed to calm down, but I didn’t want to take my medication while at work, even though the higher ups are aware of that, and don’t care as long as I’m not on my medication while in a match due to personal safety, and the safety of the person I’m in the ring with. Which is funny since we literally beat each other up for a living.

The only problem with that was, is that my medication is in the locker room, and I didn’t want all of the girls to know… I didn’t want anyone to know really. I eventually decided that I needed my medication, and rushed to the locker room, ignoring the curious glances from the girls as I rushed to my bag, and pulled out my pills with shaky hands, not caring who saw.

I grabbed my bag, and just tried to find some quiet place to relax until I hitched a ride to the hotel and to the next town. There was no way I was driving like this, but that wasn’t my concern right now, Raw still had another couple hours left, so that gives me plenty of time.

Life on the road was never easy for an Omega who didn’t have mate, especially a female who is high strung and gets overwhelmed by too many loud sounds, but we really don’t need to talk about that right now. I found a quiet room, completely abandoned, and I sighed in relief. If need be, I could always just stay an extra night and just fly out early in the morning… I have plenty saved up to do that.

I have no idea why I was reacting this way… usually I was able to push out the chaos going on around me and just take it easy, but that wasn’t the case tonight. It was no where near my time of the month, that just came and went, so that wasn’t it… Unless…

No that couldn’t be.

The rarity of me finding my mate nowadays is super rare. Decades ago majority of young parents tried a movement that swept the nation to alter their genes that would prevent them and their children from succumbing to their other side, essentially turning themselves into betas… not as strong as the alphas… not as adaptable as the omegas to others needs… but no where near as unruly as either of the two. My parents were naturalists and did not agree with the treatment, so here I am, and it’s too late to get the treatment. The government banned it twenty years ago since it had it’s major unpredictable side effects.

Of course them being naturalists had it’s downfall. We were always moving from camp to camp, my father never submitting his will to another alpha, so we would be forced to leave eventually, because my father would cause problems. Of course I was a bratty child who spoke up about this all the time because I was foolish and didn’t know my place… well father would put me in my place. Of course I thought this was normal until we went to one camp where one of their elders mentioned to me that it wasn’t normal for fathers to hit their daughters. Not even normal for an alpha to hit their packmates.

When I brought that up… it was hell. Especially when I became of age and left the nomadic life behind… well kind of. At least now I have a permanent home of sorts to return to. Once I escaped my father’s clutches I did indeed learn that most naturalists were like that… beating their kids… or even moving from camp to camp. That was just my father.

The door to my little haven burst open, and I yelped in surprise, drawing my knees to my chest in defense. Yeah. Growing up the way I did really fucked me up. “Shit.” Someone said. I looked up with wide frightful eyes, the medication not having a chance to fully kick in yet. There stood a man… a very tall man… with countless tattoos… with his hair covered by a beanie. I knew his face from the other show that our company produces, but I’ve never met him.

I realized now why there were so many strangers around. They were starting to swap people in an out between the companies. “You.” I whispered, feeling the longing return. The overwhelming desire to curl up in his lap making me stress out, not able to sit comfortably, but rather restless.

“Yo! Corbin!” someone shouted. I jumped at the sudden sound, whimpering, and the man stepped closer to me, almost as if it was his very instinct to protect me, feeling my distress… because who knew… he probably did. I didn’t know what it was like to be an alpha. “What are you-“ someone said. Baron let out a growl at the person, and he moved slightly, and I saw that it was Seth. He was a nice guy. Always looked out for me when crowds would get too rowdy. “Easy man. What are you…” Seth asked confused. Apparently this wasn’t his normal behavior. Huh. So he felt it too. Not just me. Seth peaked around, and he smiled when he saw me, a look of realization flashing across his features.

“Relax, Baron. Congrats. I won’t hurt her. I’m usually the one who helps her when she’s like this. No wonder why you were so twitchy tonight. Kept reminding me of her. Now I know why.” Seth said grinning. “Hey ‘Mara.” He said, waving at me. I gave him a slight smile, before I turned back in on myself.

I heard the boys talking about something, but eventually it went silent, and the door shut, causing me to look up. Baron stood there, leaning against the wall, with his arms crossed over his chest, and gave me a thoughtful look. “You’re calmer than before. Not as shaky.” He said, raising his own hand to demonstrate. I nodded my head in response, not finding my voice.

“Seth told me that sometimes you get really anxious, and that you have medication to help. Did you take it?” he asked. I nodded again, feeling the effects of the medication swirl around my blood stream. He sighed, and sank down to the floor. “Shit, I’m sorry, Amara. You were probably oversensitive from me being in the building.” He said.

I blankly stared at him. “You’re not… You’re not mad? Calling me a freak? That I’m weak? A disgrace?” I asked, finding my voice.

His eyes widened at my words, and he rapidly shook his head, “Absolutely not, Amara. God, what happened to y-“

“Not now please. I’ll tell you… but just not now.” I said, looking down at my fingers, finding my nails suddenly very interesting all of a sudden.

“Seth told me that he usually helps you when you’re like this…” he said. Standing up, and crossed the small room, kneeling down to my huddled form. He gently raised his hand, and brushed my damp hair out of my face. I leaned into his touch, and if I was in my right mind I would be completely embarrassed by my own actions. “That you can’t drive… you’re out of it… need help with basic things.” He said.

“M’not usually like this.” I said, sighing, closing my eyes, letting myself feel weak.

“Yeah, just let me take care of you in the meantime.” Baron said, sliding his arms underneath legs and my back. My hands clutched my bag, and I held onto that tightly. “Sh, we’ll talk later, okay? Do you have anything at the hotel? I have to get my bag, and then we can be on our way.” He said.

“Yeah, in my room.” I said.

He nodded his head, and then walked out of the room with me in his arms, making sure to take care of me the entire night.

#baron corbin #baron corbin alpha #baron corbin abo #baron corbon werewolf #baron corbin werewolf #baron corbin imagine #baron corbin fluff #WWE oneshots #wwe imagines #wwe request

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artificialqueens · 6 years

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It’s my mistake to make Ch 3/? (Craquaria) - Jossasund

Here you have chapter 3 as well! Don't forget to check me out on A03 for more fics! Hope y'all like this and if you do, please let me know. <3 / - Jossasund

Aquaria skipped the rest of the school day, and just sent Blair a text telling her she wasn’t feeling okay. She knew her friends didn’t buy her bullshit lie tough, but she didn’t care at the moment. She didn’t care a fucking bit, as she threw herself on the bed and thought about the kiss that she and Brianna had shared only hours ago.

She could still taste her, as she brought her fingers to her lips. But reality quickly hit Aquaria as she realized that even if the kiss had been absolutely fucking amazing, it would probably never happen again. It couldn’t happen again.. But God… Aquaria had never wished for anything more in her damn life before.

A sigh escaped her lips, as she sat up in her bed, because now she knew it. Facts were facts. She wasn’t just attracted to Brianna. She was crushing on her, and it was bad. Really really bad.

Fuck..

She unlocked her phone to look at the picture she’d saved of Brianna and her heart skipped a beat as she looked at it. God . Her smile was mesmerizing and so fucking beautiful.. And her eyes… and her body. She just wanted to taste every inch of it. But would she ever be able to? Probably not… fuck.

Aquaria closed the picture quickly, then sent Monet a text. She desperately needed to talk to someone about this and she knew that Monet was the only one she could really open up to.

******

Brianna hardly made it through the rest of the work day because her mind was elsewhere. She just couldn’t bring herself to stop thinking about Aquaria and it drove her absolutely crazy, and she didn’t make it easier on herself since she knew where the young girl lived.

She lived on the same damn street as Brianna did. Of course…

So when she finally came home, Brianna sat in her car for almost an hour, thinking about how much she just to wanted go over to Aquarias house and kiss her. She knew she shouldn’t, she really shouldn’t but she had never wanted anything more in her whole life. And her whole body screamed after the young girl, craving her soft and plump lips.. Goddammit.

Brianna cursed under her breath, angry over that she’d lost control and kissed Aquaria earlier. She had never ever lost control over herself like that before, but even if she was angry about it, she had never been more happy. Brianna had felt more alive after that small kiss than she had done in years, and it was amazing. It was utterly amazing to suddenly feel something again. But it also scared her.

Brianna knew she could never allow herself to do something like that ever again and that thought alone, broke her heart. She began to cry as she banged her head against the steering wheel. Why couldn’t her life be easy? Just for once?

******

Monet was on her way but since she lived in another part of town, it would take at least an hour before she arrived. So Aquaria just walked around in her house, restless and anxious, checking the clock every other second. It felt like everything went by in slow-motion right now, which made her feel aggravated.

Suddenly she heard a small tap on her door, and she simple froze. She knew it couldn’t be Monet, even if she drove way over the speed limit but she couldn’t drive that fast, now could she?

Another tap.

For fuck sake..

Aquaria groaned and just hoped to God it wasn’t any of her other friends, because she wasn’t in the mood to face them. Especially not now. She just wanted to ignore who ever it now was, but as the tapping became louder, she finally unlocked the door.

But to her surprise, it wasn’t Blair standing there. It wasn’t Asia and it wasn’t Dusty or Monet. It was a person she had never expected to see on her doorstep.

“Brianna..? “ Aquaria said, biting her lower lip.

The older woman looked nervous and Aquaria was almost certain she’d been crying since her eyes were all red and puffy. But why? Why was she sad? And why was she even here to begin with?

“Can I come in? “ Brianna asked, almost whispered and her whole body seemed tense like a violin string.

“Ehm.. Sure.. I guess “ Aquaria replied, nervous as hell and closed the door behind them, making sure to lock it. She didn’t want Monet to walk in on them and make a already uncomfortable situation worse.

The two of them sat down in the living room, where the blinds were down and nobody would see them. It was a small town after all and Aquaria knew her neighbors were nosy as hell, so she didn’t want to take any risks.

“So, I.. I actually don’t know what to say… “ Brianna began, but her voice broke and left the sentence unfinished.

“I.. I actually don’t want to speak with you to be honest… “ Aquaria replied, hoping her words wouldn’t come out wrong. But they did. They always did.

“I knew coming here was a bad idea” Brianna said, then stood to her feet, but Aquaria quickly grabbed her arm to stop her, making confused eyes met anxious ones.

Aquaria froze, but knew she had to act fast, so she pressed her lips against Brianna, making them stumble backwards back to the couch.

That awkward kiss managed to change the whole atmosphere in the room in a matter of seconds, making it able to breathe. Briannas body became relaxed and she laid her arm around the younger girls shoulders, then pulled her as close as she could.

“sorry.. I.. I didn’t mean to scare you earlier.. But… I have never been good with words… ehm” Aquaria shrugged and let out a small, nervous laugh.

“me neither.. “ Brianna replied, then pressed kissed to Aquarias knuckles.

It was then she noticed the small, faded scars on Aquarias right arm. Briannas heart broke by the sight of them, but she refused to let her sadness show. Instead she gently let her fingers brush against them, before she began to press kisses against every single scar.

Aquaria was unable to move and even if she loved the feeling of Briannas lips against her skin, she felt felt dirty and ugly, because she hated when people saw her scars. And she hated herself for having them.

So before the anxiety had the chance to sink its claws into her, she untangled herself from Briannas safe arms, and sunk down in the armchair instead. She needed space.

“I’m sorry.. I.. I just.. I’m sorry” Brianna mumbled and Aquaria just shrugged. She knew her intention had been good, so she couldn’t be angry with the older woman… She just didn’t know how to react and when life became to complicated, Aquaria always chose to flee.

“just.. Don't… “ Aquaria replied, her voice dripping with anxiety.

Brianna nodded and studied Aquaria in silence for a while, trying to understand all of her mixed messages. But she couldn’t. She simply couldn’t get a grip around the young girl and once again she realized that coming here was a bad idea.

“I just.. I don’t like it when people touch my scars.. Or see them because.. Well. They make me feel.. Disgusting…” Aquaria said, while nervously tugging on her lower lip. She didn’t understand how she managed to even tell Brianna this, let alone remain this calm.

“that’s absurd! You’re beautiful Aquaria. And absolutely nothing about you is ugly, okay? “ Briannas said, as she held out her hand for Aquaria to take.

The young girl hesitated at first, but finally took Briannas hand and sat down in the couch again.

Shortly after the whole incident, they began to kiss each other again. But this time around, the kisses became hungrier, and more aggressive, both craving the other ones touch.

“We really… Ehm.. Shouldn’t Be doing this.. “ Aquaria said between kisses, even if she really didn’t want Brianna to stop. And Brianna didn’t stop. Instead she straddled the younger girls lap and cupped her chin in her hands, gently making their eyes met.

The moment left Aquaria breathless. It didn’t last more than a few seconds though, but it didn’t matter, because it was amazing anyway. Looking into Briannas eyes, made Aquaria feel like she didn’t have any troubles in the whole world and everything but Brianna became unimportant.

I’m so fucked she thought to herself as their lips smashed together once again. She had never felt like this in her whole life before but now when she had, she didn’t want it to end. Fuck..

“I assume you… don't… really…. Want me. To… stop” Brianna whispered before she began to place kisses along the young girls neck. Aquaria just shook her head since she was unable to answer at the moment.

Brianna just chuckled, and enjoyed the power she had right now. She absolutely loved being in control and it aroused her, especially when she saw how much Aquaria enjoyed it as well. It lit a fire inside of her. A fire she didn’t even know existed.

“Take of your shirt” Brianna said, or more commanded but it didn’t matter. She just did as she was told, and when her blouse and bra fell onto the floor, Brianna grinned at the sight of Aquarias body. Her skin was truly flawless and it almost glowed in the otherwise dim light that surrounded them.

Brianna suddenly felt an unusual desire to bite her. Simply to mark her territory but Brianna knew she had to slow herself down. Besides. Aquarias wasn’t ‘her’ territory, now was she?

It didn’t really matter tough, but Aquaria was still a fragile girl and the last thing Brianna wanted was to make her feel used. But if someone would see them, they would just say Brianna was doing just that, that she was using Aquaria and that it was wrong. Brianna was her teacher and this kind of relationship was mortally wrong. She knew that. But still, she couldn’t stop herself. Aquaria was like a drug to her. Even her smell was intoxicating…

Goddammit..

Aquaria opened her eyes, when she noticed Brianna had stopped kissing her. She wondered what was wrong, as she saw how Brianna was just looking at her body, seemingly unsure what to do. She wondered why, but then she quickly noticed the anxiety in the back of Briannas eyes, so she placed her hands around her neck and placed a small and careful kiss on the older woman’s lips.

The kiss was so much gentle than the other ones had been, but it was just what they both needed. They had both been caught up in the moment so now they finally let out a big breath of relief.

“Are.. Are you okay? “

“I’ve never been better” Brianna smiled and pressed another tender kiss to Aquarias lips.

“Me neither” Aquaria replied, and wished this moment would never end. Sadly though, just after that thought left her brain, she heard a loud knock on the door.

Fuck.

#craquaria #tw depression #tw self harm #lesbian au #teacher x student #forbidden love #broken families #rpdr fanfiction #jossasund #it's my mistake to make #high school au

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i-see-you-mendes · 6 years

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Always me (Flour Mess Blurb Part 2)

A/N: This is absolutely not what I thought I’d be posting tonight, but sometimes ~most of the time~ inspiration hits you in the weirdest of ways. This is 100% without a doubt dedicated to my love, my life, my wife😂 @innocent-before-mendes who begged me to do a part 2 of this forever before I even said maybe. I really, really hope I didn’t mess this up because I really like the original 🙈 Y’all gotta tell me if I have to rewrite this better, okay??

Also I never use songs in my fic, I love reading ones that way, but I’ve just never had one fit and so this is a first for me, but I’ve had this song in my back pocket for ages and I love it.

God, I hope this doesn’t suck 🤞 PS. Link to part one is at the bottom of the page, and I am too tired to move it

You had been kissing long enough for the stray hairs escaping your ponytail to start sticking to your forehead, your breathing to become erratic, your head dizzy. But then again, you always ended up dizzy when you kissed Shawn.

You shift on your knees in front of him, placing both hands on his chest and starting to pull away. His lips follow yours as you lean further back, a small noise of protest pathetically tumbling from his open mouth into yours.

You push him off gently, breaking the kiss. Taking a few deep breaths your fingers come up to brush the damp curls out of his face. He doesn’t move just sits there, body bent towards yours, eyes still closed, lips parted, waiting. When he finally gets the picture that you aren’t going to put your lips back on his he tips forward, letting his head fall onto your shoulder with a groan.

You chuckle, holding the sides of his face, trying to lift him up so you can look at him. He shakes his head against you, another grumble his only response.

“Come on Shawn, get a grip,” you tease. “You’re sitting on the floor making out with a girl that’s caked in flour.”

He snaps to attention, licking his lips and raising an eyebrow. “ ‘s kinda hot,” is all he says.

He has that familiar troublesome glow and it makes your heart rate pick up, but you knew what game he was playing at. Knew if you gave him the option he would sit there with you, kissing and tugging, nipping and sucking until he was numb to anything else. That was fine, it didn’t bother you- helping him get his mind to settle down for a while, but you had this sneaking suspicion that tonight maybe he already was numb.

You smile at him, and it’s a pained one, as you rest your hand against his cheek, your thumb stroking the dark circles under his tired eyes. “We gotta fix you,” you whisper.

He holds your hand in place, gripping onto your wrist, turning his face into your palm to kiss it before he looks back at you and nods.

You let out a puff of air and he releases his hold on you. Your hand slips off his face and down to his shoulder. He sighs, standing up slowly. For a second you stay there on your knees in front of him, looking up through your lashes, and then you quietly rise beside him.

He disappears down the hallway, comes back with a pair of grey leggings and a big t-shit and hands them to you. You take them silently, sneaking off into the bathroom to change while he’s preoccupied with digging around for something in his backpack.

When you walk back into the living room he’s pulling on a pair of beat up sneakers. You chew your lip, going over to where he’s standing and slipping your own shoes on. He looks down at you reaching out timidly to grab your hand.

“Ready?” he asks gently.

“Yeah,” you nod.

When you get to the jeep he lets go of you, walking over to his side and opening the door he stars to climb in but he stops when he sees you standing there frozen on your side of the car.

He hops onto the sidestep, popping his head up he leans his elbows on the roof and sets his chin in his hands. “What’s up?” he asks kinda anxiously.

You bite your lip sheepishly, staring up at him. “Sure you don’t want me to drive?”

He shakes his head laughing, pushing off the car and jumping back down you hear him mumble a “Nice Try,” not-so-under-his-breath.

The drive is mostly quiet, just a few hesitant touches and the sound of strumming echoing over the speakers.

You think you know where you’re going, even though he never said. Have a pretty good idea he’s taking you up to his favorite pull-off to just get some space and clear air, but at the last minute he switches lanes, pulling into a shady looking 24 hour super market next to a gas station.

“What are you doing?” you ask, sitting up fully to look at him.

He just shrugs pulling the keys from the ignition, tugging your arm over to kiss the back of your hand before he climbs out.

You’re complaining now, whining and lagging behind, dragging your feet trying to annoy him enough to get him to crack and tell you what’s going on, as he leads you through the aisles.

He takes a few laps, pulls you into a couple of rows to steal a quick kiss, smirks at you over his shoulder every once in a while until hes had his fun and stops abruptly in front of a shelf.

You are currently playing oblivious, trying to act like you don’t care, keeping your gaze trained above the lines of groceries- utterly detached. You walk past him a few feet before you realize he’s actually pulling something from its place. Out of the corner of your eye you can see him set it down in front of him.

You turn around as he leans against the shelf, muscles tugging at the faded fabric of his shirt, arms crossed. He holds your gaze then, trailing it downward, nods smugly with raised eyebrows .

You flick your eyes to the tiled floor and sitting there is a very out of place, very lonely looking bag of baking flour.

You giggle, shaking your head as you swoop forward, grabbing the bag and walking the last few paces to him. You press yourself up against his folded arms, chin on his chest, arms behind your back, smiling.

“I love you,” he grins down at you.

Before you have a chance to answer he’s kissed you sweetly and is steering you to the checkout.

You weren’t wrong about the look out.

You’re sprawled out on the hood of JBone, he’s got his head in your lap, his legs dangling over the side.

You let him just sit there for a while staring up at the sky, or you, you weren’t quite sure which. Give him a chance to just be before you force yourself to start asking questions.

“What’s up Bub?” you say quietly, swirling your fingers in his hair.

“I’m just so - I don’t know if tired is the right word anymore- but I’ve definitely become a bit of an insomniac.”

“You haven’t been sleeping?” you prod carefully.

He dips his head in response. It wasn’t unusual for Shawn to pull a few all nighters, skip a couple of days rest, but for him to be admitting it it had to be pretty bad.

“And it’s that type where you just lay there and all of the sudden you can feel the weight of every decision you’ve ever made, and you do that thing where you’re like ‘is this really my life?’, and your mind starts to wander, and then it’s like something within you just starts hurting.”

You can feel your heart hammering in your throat, the saliva in your mouth building up in the form of anxiety. You want him to stop, don’t want to face the fact that he ever feels this way, but he has to keep going.

“It’s like a light-switch kind of lonely, this feeling inside my chest. And I know that it’s stupid because there are so many people out there that care about me, really care. Mum, Dad, Aaliyah Matt, the guys, you… but it just, it hurts. I don’t know where it comes from either, one second I’m fine- I’m happy- and then I can’t breathe.”

He goes quiet, turning his face to the side. You’re not sure if you should tell him to keep going, or if he’s crying, or if you should cry with him.

“Can you sing me that song please?” he rasps.

You know what he’s asking for, had lulled him to sleep with the melody one night when he came home drunk out of his mind, the alcohol making him needy and restless.

The next morning he asked you about it, and you had hmmmed cheekily, pressed a finger to your lips and told him you had no idea what he was talking about. He begged you every once in a while to tell you what it was called, but you never let him have it, had become somewhat of a little game between the two of you.

You take a shaky breath, never actually sang it for him before, would hum it every once in a while when you were sleepy or when it was a lazy day with him, and everything was content, but this would be the first time he heard the lyrics for what you deemed to be ‘his song’.

You swallow, nodding.

He nestles himself in your lap more comfortably and you card your fingers through his curls.

“You make the darkness less dark

You make the edges less sharp

You make the winter feel warmer,

And you make my weakness less weak

You make the bottom less deep”

Your voice has never been great, but it is sweet, and gentle, and it’s all he really needs. You pause taking another breath before cooing a few more lines of the chorus.

“You make the waiting feel shorter

You make my crazy feel normal, every time”

You repeat it a few times not really sure of any of the other words, or your ability to hit the notes right. You want to cry, for him, but they would be wasted tears and you know it, so you fight them back the best you can. Your voice breaks softly on the last two words and you know it’s time to stop.

Shawn’s eyes are closed, he’s got one of your hands clasped in his on his on top of his chest and you can feel his heart beating like mad. He licks his dry lips and tilts his head up. “I’m sleepy.”

“Yeah?” you ask, running your hand through his hair one last time

He nods.

“Come on,” you say, “I’ll drive.”

He smiles lazily, pulling the keys out of his pocket and handing them to you.

“Hey baby,” he stops you as you go to pull out. You look over at him, eyes wide, a little shaken up from the whole experience. “What’s that song called?” he’s got his extra pair headphones pulled out of the glove box, phone in hand.

You exhale slowly, not because you give a shit about him knowing the name of the song anymore, but just because everything was starting to feel a little too real.

You reach over and take his phone typing in This Is Why I Need You before handing it back to him.

You hear him chuff happily at the screen before leaning his head back and closing his eyes again.

You thought you’d have to wake him, could feel the guilt already creeping in as you pulled into the drive way, but the minute the engine cuts out he’s sitting up. He leans over and kisses your cheek with a quiet thank you, grabs the flour from the back seat and jogs away.

When you get up stairs he’s standing in the kitchen waiting for you, eyes droopy, cheeks flushed. You take the flour from his hands, and tiptoe up to return the kiss.

He grabs your hips and you lean your head on his shoulder. You feel him sway a little, so you separate from him and pull the half finished cookie mix out of the fridge.

“You gonna sleep now?”

“I think I’m gonna try,” he admits shyly.

You smile at him. “Go,” you tell him and shove his shoulder lightly.

“It probably won’t be long,” he confesses.

“That’s alright, it’ll be something,” you say.

“I don’t want to go in the bedroom,” he counters quickly, almost scared.

“You don’t have to,” you assure him.

“I’m just going to stay on the couch, where I can hear you.”

“Okay,” you say softly and he steals another kiss.

He starts to walk away, makes it almost the whole way to the couch when he turns around and looks at you from the living room.

“Are there gonna be cookies when I wake up?” he teases.

“Yeahhh, duh,” you draw out, scrunching your nose at him.

He laughs, but then his eyes go soft, his voice drops low. “And you?”

“And me,” you breathe out, “always me.”

**Jesse Ruben - THIS IS WHY I NEED YOU

part 1

xxBxx

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes blurb #shawn imagine #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #mendes #mendes army #shawn peter raul mendes

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