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lucienarcheron · 3 days

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Spirit Meets the Bones - XVII

Genre: Angst/Romance Warnings: Mentions of physical abuse.

@abruisedmuse thank you for always being my sounding board bby <3

Find it all here.

Eris hadn’t even felt them winnow. He knew nothing — had sensed nothing, save for Iris and the feeling of her lips on his. All that he was, was being consumed by her.

She pulled away, a fraction of an inch between them, eyes wide as she stared into her husband’s amber eyes. She barely breathed as he stared and stared and stared.

Mine.

The word clanged in his mind as Iris gripped the front of Eris’s tunic tighter, her fingers tightening as she staggered back slightly. He wondered if she had felt it — the thread tugging at his rib. If she knew how suddenly everything between them made sense. The attraction. The constant need to touch. How right it had felt even when neither of them had wanted it to be.

The Prince of Autumn wondered if it had clicked for her, that Iris was his and he was hers in a way no one would ever be. Something he never thought he’d have. Something he hadn’t even dreamed of being worthy of.

His. She was his and he was hers.

Iris blinked, finally noticing the heat that radiated around them.

“We’re — we’re on fire.” she whispered, her eyes darting to the flames they were engulfed in then back to his face, cataloging what he was sure was a slightly dazed expression.

“I know.” he said tightly, his gaze never leaving hers.

Iris reached out a hand, letting the flame dance between her fingers. “It’s not burning.”

She watched him in a way that made him feel too vulnerable — too raw. His throat bobbed as he swallowed, then said hoarsely, “My fire would never burn you.”

And Iris flushed as the words washed over her. At the honesty of them. His fire would burn whomever he wished except for one person — a person he could never harm.

“Oh.” she whispered, her eyes darting across his face and the many emotions Eris knew he was fighting to hide.

But she must feel the sheer amount of intensity between them. She must know.

“Iris —” he rasped and licked his lips. “I —”

“Shut up.” she breathed and met his lips again, pulling him into her once more, and oh, what a kiss.

Eris’s kiss was an imprint on her very soul and Iris felt and felt and felt. Iris felt so deeply, she wished she hadn’t wasted a single kiss on anyone else.

She let him tighten his grip and a noise slipped from her lips when his tongue met hers. She wouldn’t let him stop — would simply keep going. They didn’t need to see anyone. They could go home and keep kissing. They could sink right here, out in the open, and simply keep kissing.

“If you don’t stop —” Eris said in between the heated kisses, his hands squeezing her waist, then sliding to squeeze lower and the feeling of his hands on her had gooseflesh erupting all over her skin. “Nothing will stop me from letting this get inappropriate very quickly.”

“If you stop kissing me —” she whispered against his lips, arching into his touch. “I will stab you in so many places —”

He pulled away with a laugh and Iris truly wanted to gut him. But she also wanted to kiss him again and — and have him touch her some more. Face heated, she tried to yank him down to her lips again but Eris smirked, his hands coming to grip her face. She tried not to shudder at the reverent way he held her, at the way his thumbs traced her cheeks so gently. His lips were smirking but his eyes gave away all that he was feeling. It mirrored all that she was feeling.

“Please don’t stab me.” he said in a tone more gently than he had ever used with her, his gaze matching the whirlwind of emotions blazing through her. “I want to keep kissing you but can’t if I’m bleeding out all over my nice clothes.”

Iris couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped her lips. “Such a pretty princess you are.”

“The most pretty of princesses.” he confirmed with a smirk then leaned in and kissed her once more. This kiss a caress, a little hello as they met in the middle. Iris’s hands slid down and she splayed her fingers on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat and Eris growled against her lips, sending a shiver of delight down her spine.

His lips left hers and Iris was about to protest when his hands slid to wrap around her waist again and he kissed the corner of her mouth instead then slid to pepper her jawline with more. Her knees nearly buckled beneath her when his lips slid to her neck and his tongue darted out to taste. She bit her lip to hold back a groan as Eris’s mouth explored and he certainly had no qualms about the noises that slipped from his lips.

“You have terrible timing.” he whispered into her skin and Iris’s grip tightened on him. “How am I going to endure this visit now that I’ve gotten a taste of you? How am I supposed to pretend I don’t want to lay you here and taste every inch of you, Iris?”

“I won’t apologize for giving you an excellent thank-you gift.” she said breathlessly, her lips twitching when his head lifted from her neck to smirk at her. “You’ve only wanted it since you met me.”

“True.” he said quietly, his eyes holding the predatory gleam she knew so well. “I demand about a thousand more of them.”

The corner of her mouth curled up as Iris slid her hands around his waist and up his back, feeling every inch of his hard muscles through the layers of his clothing. Her eyes were glued to his as they stared at each other once more, the silence between them holding a steady, palpable tension. She wanted him closer, especially as his grip on her tightened again.

It was thrilling. To touch each other so openly, so easily. She wasn’t sure what to do with herself other than kiss him some more. Iris may have hesitated before but now — it seemed hard to resist.

“I think I can manage that,” she whispered. “But we might be late.”

“I don’t give a shit.” Eris murmured and pressed his lips against hers again. And it wasn’t so much of a kiss as it was an ascension to heaven.

Iris let out a soft whimper as Eris kissed her fiercely, their kiss a clash of fire. Heat like no other spread between them, their hearts ticking bombs, a volcano of emotions erupting; hands roaming, and suddenly, they couldn’t get close enough. It was an intensity she could barely process, could barely keep up with — but all Iris knew was this deep desire to stay wrapped in him.

“Eris.” she breathed into him and then gasped when he pressed her firmly into him, feeling exactly how much he liked her lips on his. He kissed her deeply, swallowing her moans and every touch of his fingers sent a wave of pleasure that seemed to be unraveling her. She felt invigorated and Iris knew she was melting against him, knew she had become putty in his hands when she felt Eris’s smile against her lips.

“See what you’ve been missing, wife?” he murmured against her lips.

“B-barely much.” she breathed and felt his chuckle tickle her lips as she leaned into him, unable to stop the constant need to have their lips meet.

“Think of all the other places I will kiss you when we go home, ma —”

But Eris stiffened, the flame that had encased them immediately flaring out and Iris froze in his arms. Her brows furrowed in confusion until the sound of someone approaching became clearer and Eris’s entire demeanor changed. A blink was all it took for Eris’s face to fall back into the sneer he was known for. Another blink had Eris now in front of her, hands clasped behind his back, tension hardening the line of his shoulders as he faced away from her.

“What —”

“Helion may have granted me permission but that doesn’t mean I am always welcome whenever I visit.” he said quietly as the footsteps approached. His stance had hardly shifted but Iris knew he would be ready to strike. “If needed, you winnow right back —”

“Why would I leave?” Iris demanded. “I know how to fight! You taught me.”

“I know that.” he snapped as he looked at her over his shoulder. “But I’d rather wait to know what I’m up against before throwing my m — my wife into —”

“No.” she objected, jutting out her chin. “I’m not going to leave you.”

Eris’s jaw clenched, cutting himself off when her firm gaze met his and he shuddered. “You’re going to end up being my biggest source of anxiety, aren’t you?” he mumbled with a scowl as she shifted next to him.

“I don’t have to be.” she said with a quirked brow and Eris noted the way she was leaning into his side, staring up at him challengingly. “Don’t try and make this my fault.”

“If you insist on being stubborn all the time and not following directions, it will be.” he said through clenched teeth and flared nostrils, his gaze ravenous as he looked at her.

Iris swallowed as she watched him but then narrowed her eyes in return, her hands sliding to her hips as she leaned in closer. “I’m happy to follow directions if they make sense and those directions are something I actually want to do.”

“You’re supposed to follow directions even if you don’t want to.” he retorted, his eyes now on her lips, inches away from his. “Especially if it concerns your safety.”

“I don’t think my safety would be jeopardized if I’m with you, husband.” Iris replied, though her tone had no heat in it as the closeness of him threatened to overwhelm her.

Eris’s own eyes narrowed and he snorted softly. “Your safety would absolutely be jeopardized if you were with me. Because you’re with me. Enough people dislike me to target you.”

“Well. It’s a good thing I have a knife then.” she shrugged, without losing his gaze.

“And an attitude of reckless endangerment. What an excellent combination,” he said, baring his teeth in a smile that would be threatening to most. Iris had to fight back the urge to kiss him all over again.

“I can hold my own just fine.” she said firmly and hesitated before lowering her arms from her waist and gently placing a hand on his arm. “You should just listen to me and make things easy for yourself.”

What Iris really wanted to say was, You’re my friend and my person. I don’t want to leave your side. Instead, she added, “Stop being an idiot.”

“I’m going to throttle you if you keep arguing with me over this.” he mused calmly, his hand coming to settle over hers without a single hesitation. “Your safety is non-negotiable.”

“Neither is yours.” she argued, and Eris tried not to roll his eyes.

“You know I’ve fought in wars, yes? I will be fine.”

“You are a fool that is very close to getting stabbed.”

“I am a prince who most definitely does not want to get stabbed.”

“A prince that is a pain in the ass.”

“You are on thin ice with my patience, wife.”

“Oh? And what are you going to do about it, husband?”

The two shared a breath as they seemingly forgot what the source of their argument was, too engrossed in staring at each other and fighting the urge to desperately touch again. Iris didn’t know if she had it in her to stop if they started again and Eris would definitely not be inclined to stop at all.

Iris licked her lips. “If I kiss you again, will you relax?”

A soft smirk graced his face. “If you kiss me again, I will be the farthest thing possible from relaxed.”

“Hmm.” she mused. “I should definitely kiss you then. That’ll get you to shut up at least.”

“Maybe I should kiss you so you’d quit being so damn stubborn.”

Overwhelming need thumped through her veins as she stared at him and he stared at her. Had a simple kiss intensified whatever it was she was feeling now? It — it seemed ridiculous. Iris licked her lips again as she glanced at Eris, his gaze turning positively wicked. But as she opened her mouth to speak and put an end to this madness, another voice interrupted.

“If I were anyone else, you’d both be very dead by now.”

Eris’s sword flew out faster than Iris could blink, his eyes never leaving his wife as Iris whipped her head at the sound of the stranger’s voice and found who could only be their gracious host glancing at them.

And Lucien was very, very amused.

“I hope I’m not interrupting what seemed to be a very charged argument, brother dear.”

Eris finally looked away from Iris to shoot his brother a glare as Lucien stood there, hands raised by his head and a knowing smirk on his face with Eris’s sword at his throat. Eris spared Iris one more glance and squinted at the faint color gracing her lovely face, sensing her embarrassment.

“You’re lucky I didn’t stab you in the throat.” he said tightly, his body relaxing as he slowly sheathed his sword once more and scowled at his brother.

“I’m so thrilled at your enthusiasm to see me.” Lucien said with a grin, lowering his arms. “Somehow, I knew it was you causing fires on the outskirts of my home.”

“Ah, fuck off.” Eris said with a wave of his hand as Lucien chuckled and Iris fought back a smile.

“I take it this isn’t the first time you brothers have drawn swords at each other.” Iris said lightly.

“Look at his obnoxious face. How could I not?” Eris demanded and Lucien snorted.

“If anyone here has cause to stab someone, it would be me stabbing you for being rude all the time.” Lucien said, crossing his arms. “I know that note came from you, asshole.”

Iris’s lips twitched and Eris watched her curiously as she raised her hand. “I would like to say, legally speaking, I am the only one allowed to stab him at this point,” she said calmly. “But since you are his brother, I will allow it if you ask nicely.”

Lucien glanced at Iris and tilted his head. He silently observed her for a moment and then smiled. “We’ve only just met and I am certain we will be the best of friends.”

Iris smiled warmly and held out a hand. “Agreed.” she said. “Iris. It’s a pleasure to finally meet the only brother Eris admits to having. You must be so proud.”

Lucien took her hand with both of his hands and squeezed it. “Lucien. And the pleasure is all mine.” he replied with a grin. “I’ve been looking forward to meeting you since I heard about your engagement. You’ve been within choking distance of my brother on a daily basis. I am very jealous.”

“He is very chokeable, isn’t he?” Iris said and glanced at Eris, her lips twitching at the deep scowl on his face.

And it was a deep scowl indeed because Eris — he was feeling too many things at the moment. The high of kissing her was wearing off and now — now it was starting to catch up to him.

Frankly, he was going to start freaking the fuck out.

He…he had a mate. His wife was his mate. And he’d fucken finally kissed her. He had wanted to kiss her some more and possibly slowly peel that damned dress off her — goodness knows he had made an art out of fucking outdoors that he knew Iris would enjoy it too — except of course, of course, his insufferable brother just had to interrupt.

He should’ve stabbed him when he had the chance.

Eris glanced at Iris and Lucien as they chatted softly. He heard nothing of what they were saying, only watched their lips moving and his heart did a strange spasm at the sight. Two important people of his life smiling at each other, likely talking about him, finally meeting.

He had the strongest urge to vomit.

Squinting himself back to reality, Eris’s face heated at the sound of Iris laughing and the urge to strangle his brother skyrocketed when Lucien high-fived Iris. They already had inside jokes. He wasn’t sure if he liked it.

“I am immediately objecting to this friendship.” he snapped then squinted at Lucien and pointed with one finger, his other hand clasping around Iris’s hand to tug her closer. “Keep your hands off my wife.”

Lucien rolled his eyes and then gave his brother a curious look. “Sensitive today, are we, brother?”

“One more word out of you and I’ll show you exactly how sensitive I can be.” he sneered and glanced down at Iris when she nudged his side.

She gave him a pointed look. “We just arrived. Be nice.”

“But I don’t like him.” Eris argued calmly and Iris rolled her eyes.

“Should I tell him what you said to me the first time I asked you about him to debunk that statement?”

Eris’s eyes narrowed as he took in his beautiful wife’s teasing expression and gods, if Lucien wasn’t standing right there, he’d devour her.

“I have no recollection of such a conversation,” he said haughtily then promptly turned to his brother. “Take us to your better half. I like her more than I like you.”

Lucien shot Eris a look that was too knowing for his own good; it was easy to see that Lucien already had so much he wanted to say and it made Eris want to winnow home and avoid the whole thing. As if sensing that one word from him would send Eris bolting, all Lucien did was wave a gracious hand and walk them toward his home.

And now, they sat in Lucien and Elain’s home, trying to pretend the kiss and grand revelations hadn’t happened. Trying to pretend everything was fine and they hadn’t been interrupted.

Desperately trying not to pounce on his wife.

Elain had given them such a warm welcome, Eris would forever be grateful to her for making Iris comfortable right away and he tried to focus, to pay attention to the conversation around them as two of his favorite people got to know each other. He nearly choked on his drink twice.

His mate.

Everything suddenly made so much sense.

And simultaneously, everything just got so much worse.

He sensed Iris watching him and his hands tightened around his glass. She had no idea, did she? He wasn’t sure if Iris was actually aware of what Eris had figured out. He also hadn’t had a chance to really process what happened and it was all too much. He couldn’t look at her for too long — everything in him ached when he did. Was this what a mating bond was supposed to feel like?

Someone that was all his own. Someone that was his in a way no one would ever be.

He hated it. This feeling of losing control. Having feelings at all.

Having a mate.

Oh gods, he liked that more than he’d care to admit.

He shot back his drink in one gulp then held out his glass that Lucien warily refilled. Iris gave him a bewildered look as she placed her own glass gently on the table then turned back to Elain and Lucien who were watching the two of them with barely contained amusement.

“You have such a beautiful home.” she finally said with a smile. “It’s so cozy and welcoming.”

“Thank you!” Elain said brightly. “Lucien and I really wanted a place that felt that way. Neither of us is much for fanfare.”

“If it was up to Helion, we would be living lavishly inside his obnoxious palace but he was nice enough to let us venture on our own here.” Lucien said with a chuckle.

“That’s very generous of him.” Iris commented. “I didn’t realize you had such a close relationship with him.”

Lucien stole a glance at a mute Eris who only glared at his brother and then gave Iris a small smile. “He has been incredibly good to us both.”

“Eris mentioned you play the piano beautifully.” Elain jumped in with a smile. “Lucien plays really well too! You two will have to play us a song together at some point.”

“Oh, that sounds like fun.” Iris said, smiling widely, and glanced at Eris who still avoided looking at her. “I’d love that! This one has never offered.”

“That’s because he’s terrible at it.” Lucien said with a mischievous grin towards his brother. “Did Eris ever tell you about the one and only time he attempted to play the piano? He was so bad at it, that the instructor resigned almost immediately due to the levels of distress he caused.”

Iris raised her brows at her husband who rolled his eyes at the chuckles around him and finally spoke stiffly, “That idiot was terrible at his job, stuttering like an imbecile. How am I expected to learn to play the piano if his fingers were trembling all over the place?” he asked indignantly.

“As if a measly instructor could stand against the wrath of a tiny Eris.” Elain teased.

“You must’ve petrified him immediately,” Iris commented with a small smile and glanced his way. Eris licked his lips, his gaze flickering to Iris’s mouth and then back up at her eyes.

“I like instilling fear. It gets people to do what I want much quicker.”

“I doubt that always works for you, does it?”

“There has ever only been one exception, wife.” he replied with a raised brow and Iris flushed, the atmosphere between them immediately tensing.

It took all of his willpower not to pounce on her instantly. He hadn't tasted anything he’d been offered since they arrived and if Lucien and Elain noticed the scent change, they were gracious enough not to show it. His mind kept wandering to what her skin would taste like. What she would look like when he had her splayed before him and spread those lovely thighs to —

He scowled immediately. This was absolutely ridiculous. He was more self-composed than this. Eris would not let himself become an imbecile just because they had kissed and happened to be mates. He stole a glance at his wife as she continued conversing with their hosts.

Mine.

His grip tightened on his glass. In a way, this reaction made absolute sense with the way they’d moved so carefully around each other before. Were they both so pathetic that kissing would seemingly destroy the self-control they had?

Eris swallowed, ignoring another look from Lucien, focusing only on the drink in his hand. As long as Iris didn’t move too close to him or touch him, he would be fine. He could be composed. He was a Prince.

Who really, really, really wanted to kiss his wife again. And do many, many other things to her.

He stole another glance at Iris and immediately regretted it as she smiled at Lucien then much to his dismay, cautiously placed a hand on Eris’s thigh as she continued, “Eris mentioned you —”

She didn’t get a chance to finish the statement as the glass in his hand shattered and Iris’s head snapped towards her husband in shock.

A beat of silence passed then Eris glanced down at what remained of the glass in his hand and blinked up at his brother. “I think my drink was too strong.” he said lamely.

He shouldn’t have looked at her again but he did and swallowed as Iris’s mouth fell open then closed, baffled for a moment, her eyes flickering between his tense face and his now bleeding hand. She blanched at the sight.

“Are you alright?” Iris demanded and despite her tone, gently took his hand in hers to inspect it.

“I don’t think you should do that.” Eris said tightly. If she kept touching him, he would not make it through the rest of the day.

“You’re bleeding.” she snapped. “You might have little pieces of glass stuck in your hand and I don’t want you to —”

“Iris — wait —”

“— I need to clean it and then —”

“Lucien.” Eris snapped, snatching his hand out of Iris’s grip, and glanced at his brother with wide eyes. “I need to walk off this drink.”

“I — okay.” Lucien said with a confused glance to his wife then shot his brother a bewildered look. “We can take a walk outside.”

Iris frowned at her empty hands then looked up at Eris, annoyed. “Well, let me clean your hands first, Eris.”

“I can get something for that — “ Elain began but Eris cut everyone off as he stood abruptly.

“I need fresh air.” he said hoarsely and gestured to the shattered glass. “Nobody touches that. I will clean it.”

“Eris – “ Iris tried again but he whirled rather wildly towards her and she froze.

“Wife.” he rasped. “If I stay here for another moment, I will do something very, very stupid and will not have a single slither of regret. Now, if you will all excuse me, I will walk this drink off.”

And the three of them watched silently as Eris briskly exited the room.

Lucien paused for a moment and looked at Iris curiously as she stared after her husband in disbelief.

“Well.” Elain blinked. “That was rather dramatic of him.”

“I can’t believe him.” she muttered then turned to Elain. “I’m so sorry for the mess. I don’t know what made that happen but let me go check on —.”

“I’ll go see what’s wrong.” Lucien interrupted gently. “He’s my brother. I can handle this.”

Iris took a step forward but paused as Lucien waved her off with a reassuring smile. She gave Lucien a tight smile in return as he left to follow Eris and bit her lip. He had — that was — she wasn’t sure what that was but Iris could only stand dumbfounded.

“That doesn’t mean they’re going to hit each other, does it?” Iris asked quietly after a moment, her eyes still searching for wherever Eris had escaped to.

“Maybe, but it’s all done lovingly,” Elain said and Iris turned to find her holding back a laugh. “Being affectionate with each other makes them nauseous.”

“Not surprising in the slightest.” Iris said then shook her head with a sigh, holding out her hands. “I’m sorry if things are…tense.”

Elain’s lips twitched. “Don’t even worry about it…first meetings and all.” she began gently. “Did something happen before you came? You seem to be worried about him.”

Iris flushed instantly and looked away from Elain towards the door Eris had exited from.

Did something happen? Why, yes. She had finally kissed her husband and had been about two seconds away from climbing him like a tree. Iris bit her lip and glanced at Elain who encouragingly patted Iris’s arm.

“Don’t feel pressured to say anything. I just want to make you feel comfortable.”

Iris groaned. “You’re so nice. I’m sorry we’re being — whatever this is.” she immediately said, waving a hand and Elain laughed.

“It’s fine! You have no idea how strange it is to see Eris with a wife.”

“You have no idea how strange it is being Eris’s wife.” she said with a huff of laughter. “He’s so…. ridiculous. What kind of exit was that!”

“He’s always been that way.” Elain said with a chuckle. “But don’t worry, I’m sure he’s fine.”

“Oh, I’m not too worried. I’m definitely going to choke him later for this.”

Elain raised a brow then smiled knowingly. “Will you? You seemed very concerned a few moments ago.”

Iris blinked then as calmly as possible said, “I can’t stand him actually.”

“You’re about to break your neck to see him through the window.”

“I want to break his neck,” Iris replied, momentarily distracted when she saw her husband pass by said window. She could tell he was frustrated by his pacing and it made her tense. Was he — was he truly upset by the timing of their kiss? She knew he liked it but something — something had shifted his thought process. Iris had hardly been given a moment to really think it all through, but Eris seemed ready to launch himself into the sun.

It was just a kiss. A kiss that felt so…right. At least for her.

Iris narrowed her eyes at the open window even though Eris hadn’t passed by it again. Had she done something wrong? Was it bothering him that she was friendly with Lucien after all the jokes she made about him? She blinked. That couldn’t be it. He had been looking forward to them being friends.

“Yes, that is the exact look someone has when they want to break someone’s neck.” Elain said with a laugh and Iris turned back to her sister-in-law. She gave Elain a sheepish smile and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Again, I’m sorry.” she said quietly, her fists clenching then unclenching. “We had a…difficult morning before coming here and then had a bit of a moment right before we came —”

“Yes, Lucien mentioned something about that.” Elain said and Iris’s face flushed again at the grin on her face. She opened her mouth then closed it, brows furrowed.

“How?” she then demanded. “He was with us the whole time.”

“Mating bond,” was all Elain offered then giggled at Iris’s indignant expression. “I have to say, I’m very happy that you two seem to be getting along well.”

“Did you miss the part where I said I wanted to break his neck?”

Which, of course, was a lie anyone could see right through. Iris wanted to kiss his neck maybe. See how he liked it if Iris decided to get a taste of him the way he had teased her outside.

“Getting along very well, it seems.” Elain said and Iris was mortified to realize the scent of the room had changed.

“Oh gods.” came her response and Elain let out a hearty laugh as Iris covered her face. “I’m so sorry. This is disgusting. We just met — I’m in your home — this is absolutely his fault for behaving like a —”

Elain only patted her back sympathetically and tried not to laugh again. “Please, don’t apologize. This is extremely amusing.” she said. “Besides, I lived with my sister and her mate for a while. I’ve learned to very quickly tune out anything I don’t wish to see, smell, or hear.”

Iris pursed her lips, squinting at Elain who poorly attempted to hide her glee.

“To be fair, this is our first time out in public where we can be comfortable with each other.” Iris muttered, fingers smoothing down the fabric of her dress. “Usually, we have to pretend I’m a doormat and he’s a maniac.”

“Oh, I understand.” Elain said with a snort, “Try to pretend you don’t want to jump his bones while your sisters and their friends are all in one room.”

Iris tilted her head curiously. “Eris mentioned you and Lucien took time to get to know each other.”

Elain smiled down at her hands. “I had a hard time coming to terms with turning fae and getting a mate all in one breath.” she said and glanced at Iris. “Once I let myself give Lucien a chance, it was a whole different battle trying not to have everyone else know I wanted him just by being in the same room.”

The corner of Iris’s mouth lifted at Elain’s expression. “I bet Lucien enjoyed that.”

“He kept behaving like a true gentleman which only made me feel like a wild woman desperate to get his clothes off.”

Iris laughed then gave Elain a pointed look, thinking of every moment her husband had said the most scandalous things to her. “Yeah, no. Eris is just a heathen. Nothing gentlemanly there.”

Elain snorted. “Sure.” she teased. “Judging by the glass all over my floor, I’d say he’s struggling a lot more than you think.”

At the reminder, Iris rubbed a hand to her forehead, roses blooming on her cheeks. He had been right. Kissing him right before this visit had been a terrible idea. Now she wanted to hurtle herself into the sun.

“I should go check on him.” she said quietly, giving Elain a small smile. “As much as I want to punch him in the face much of the time, I — I want to make sure he’s okay.”

Elain’s gaze softened and she shared Iris’s smile. “He’ll be fine, Lucien pushes his buttons but he’ll make sure Eris is okay.”

Iris nodded slowly, her gaze back towards the open window where she could see Eris and Lucien talking in the distance. She had to fight back the urge to follow him and instead turned back to Elain, who was watching her with that same smile.

Flushing, Iris let out a nervous chuckle. “Sorry. This is all…” she started and waved a hand. “Very new for me.”

Elain chuckled. “I’ll bet.” Her sister-in-law watched her for a moment then spoke gently, “He’s been very lonely, you know.” she said. “He pretends otherwise but…I think he’s needed someone like you for a long while now.”

Iris felt her smile slowly slide off her face and she glanced down at her hands.

“Eris always says how we’re two sides of the same coin,” she began in a low voice. “The more time I spend with him, the more I see how much we work well together. How much we…match.”

Even if it scared the living shit out of her.

“It didn’t start off that way though, did it.” Elain said, the corner of her mouth ticking up.

Iris shook her head and said softly, “No, it did not…but I think we were meant to find each other. Unpleasant circumstances aside, I…am glad for it.” She licked her lips and tugged gently at her ear. “I’m assuming he, uh, mentioned how we got married.”

“He might have.” Elain said slyly and Iris rolled her eyes.

“He comes by here often enough, doesn’t he?” she asked with a chuckle as she glanced around the home. “My beautiful flowers are always from you.”

Elain laughed and reached out to squeeze Iris’s hand. “I hope that’s okay.” she said gently. “I’m always so happy he feels comfortable sharing with Lucien and me. They haven’t had it easy. We’ve gotten a lot closer.”

Elain gave Iris a warm smile as she continued, “Despite the rough start you two had, I’m glad he has you to shake him up and get him out of the mold everyone keeps trying to shove him in.” she said. “You see him. And he needs that more than anything. He isn’t used to kind or gentle and Eris may not want that all the time but he certainly needs it.”

Kindness. Iris thought about that word and what her mother-in-law had told her.

“You and Lady Enya share similar thoughts.”

“She is our mother-in-law and we both strongly disliked her sons at first.” Elain said with a wink. “This wouldn’t be the first time she’s dealt with this.”

Iris let out a chuckle, smoothing down her dress again. “The last thing I ever expected was Eris Vanserra to be kind to me.” she said quietly. “It’s been so…unexpected.”

Elain smiled knowingly. “I felt so wary of Lucien at first. I didn’t want anything to do with him.” she said then shrugged as her smile turned fond. “But we were meant to find each other too. He was my mate for a reason and despite the circumstances of our meeting, Lucien was one of the best things that happened to me.”

A mate. Gods, Iris thought. She had gone into this marriage barely wanting a husband but now…she not only had a husband, but a friend. She wondered if…would it be silly to think that Eris could be her mate? The intensity between them would certainly make sense but…mates were equals in some way and Eris…well, she certainly was not on equal footing.

He was the son of a High Lord. She was the daughter of a fiend.

A shitty father was the common denominator between them but…he was still hers now. Her husband.

And her shitty father couldn’t take that away from her.

The word mine flashed through her mind.

She pursed her lips and rubbed at her forehead gently. Too much was happening so fast. Too many emotions, too many feelings. Iris wasn’t so sure she was ready for everyone to know exactly how she was feeling. Until she felt brave enough to figure it out.

“I…tolerate him.” she finally said and Elain rolled her eyes with a smile.

“Right.”

Iris gave her sister-in-law a pointed look, changing the subject. “He speaks so highly of you. I want to know more about you and Lucien. I’d love to know what it’s been like to live in this court.”

“And know more about Eris too, I presume?” Elain asked and it was Iris’s turn to roll her eyes at the suggestive look on her sister-in-law’s face.

“If you’d like to share.” Iris said casually. “I guess it would be interesting to know what he’s like through your eyes.”

“You guess, huh?” Elain asked with a wiggle of her brow and Iris’s lips twitched.

“I wouldn’t say no to whatever you decided to share.” she said with an air of indifference and Elain laughed.

“The first time I was in direct contact with him after the war was at a ball.” Elain began with a grin. “We didn’t even speak to each other, we just observed each other from a distance. I think he was trying to scope me out and tell Lucien about me.” She rolled her eyes with another fond smile. “He ended up proposing to my sister that evening.”

“Did he now?” Iris asked with as light of a tone as possible. She would not get jealous of something that happened before her time or of Elain’s mysterious sister who had to be magnificent to get a reaction like that from Eris. Nope, she would not be jealous at all.

Elain froze. “Had he not mentioned that?” she squeaked and Iris snorted.

“No, but I am very intrigued,” she said. “Please Elain, don’t hold back now.”

Like a deer caught in the wild, Elain blinked rapidly as her cheeks turned pink and Iris couldn’t help but laugh.

“I think I should stop talking.” Elain said promptly.

“And I think we should take a walk in your beautiful garden that Eris is always raving about and make fun of my husband.” Iris said with a pointed look. “You’re the only one I can get true intel from, Elain.”

Elain groaned, covering her face with her hands which only made Iris smile. “I shouldn’t have said anything! I feel terrible!”

Iris chuckled and nudged her with a shoulder. “There’s nothing to feel terrible about. This was before my time and besides, you really expect Eris to tell me about something like that?” she said with an eye roll. “Eris sharing anything is like him trying to pass a kidney stone the size of a building.”

Elain snorted and then doubled over laughing. “Oh, you! I like you.” she said and then gave her a sly look. “You’re right. Let’s take a walk and get to know each other better. I’ll spill some secrets while we’re at it that you absolutely did not get from me.”

Looping an arm through Elain’s, Iris patted her hand. “Secrets? What secrets?” Iris said airily. “We’re just going to take a walk and you’re going to tell me all about your lovely garden.”

“Of course.” Elain agreed with a serious nod. “Nothing about your husband, of course.”

“Naturally. Talking about him is nauseating.”

Elain let out a laugh and shook her head. “Yes, so nauseating you can’t keep your eyes off him for a moment.”

And indeed, the moment Iris stepped outside, her eyes locked in on her husband and his pacing once more. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

#eris vanserra #eris vanserra x oc #elucien #eris vanserra fanfiction #eris x oc #smtb chapters #gfics #thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy seeing elain and lucien here hehe #if you'd like to be tagging or removed (no hard feelings!) please let me know!#going to put the tags in the replies because it doesn't work in the damn post

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ashonheavenscloud · 21 days

Text

i fall || b. chan

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ contents: bang chan x fem!reader, angst of a hopeless love, autumnal wistfulness and nostalgia :(

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ word count: 4.8k

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ warnings: none

⋆｡𖦹°⭒˚｡⋆ a/n: i love love love using seasons as a motif oh my goshhhhh. enjoy! (even if it’s heartbreaking)

now playing - 21 - gracie abrams

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

Chan should have known from your first whirlwind of a meeting that he’d fallen into something hopeless.

Felix had been the one to introduce the two of you; you’d appeared out of the blue, on a particularly cool autumn afternoon. Chan had been minding his business, listening to Felix rant about his day while the older boy cleaned the coffee shop tables and counters. The place had been empty- courtesy of small town living- and the sound of a bell had alerted the two of them instantly of a new arrival.

His first glimpse of you had been you running, grinning as you all but jumped into Felix’s arms with exclamations and laughter. “Lix! Oh my god, you’re actually still here!”

“And you’re back!” Felix replied, holding you out at arms distance. Chan observed from the sidelines, a little confused but more curious. Your smile was bright and captivating, and he found himself instantly liking you. He didn’t know why, he just had a good feeling about you from the beginning.

“Ah!” Felix exclaimed, seeming to remember Chan’s presence. “Y/n, I’d like you to meet Chan. He’s a good friend.”

You exchanged hellos as Felix babbled, “Chan, Y/n used to live just in the next town. Although she’s been slacking on her visits.”

“Hey, I never promised anything.” You argued, lightheartedly before turning back to Chan.

He wasn’t entirely sure what he expected when meeting you, but he was surprised when conversation flowed so easily that Felix teased you must have met before and hidden it from him. You were just so engaging and exciting- and it didn’t take long for Chan to consider you close to his heart.

It was odd, considering how different the two of you really were. Chan could never understand your passion for travelling- it came in part with your job, but mostly because- as you confessed- you didn’t like to stay put for long, preferring a more scattered existence. Chan himself found comfort in the stability of the city he’d always loved, it’s steady rhythm that remained a constant in his life. He could never seem to leave it for long- it’s borders were his home, and the people inside his family.

“We, my friend, are clearly very different.” You’d chuckled, shaking your head.

“Can’t be that different.” Chan insisted, ducking behind the cafe counter with a shrug. “How do you feel about blueberry muffins?”

You smiled at him- and looking back, he’d been a lost cause even this early on. He hadn’t been able to help it when your smile was somehow brighter than fireworks and took his breath away just as easily.

Chan wondered for a long time if your meeting was fate. You popped back into his life with every change of the seasons, threw him for a loop and then disappeared again for weeks at a time. Where he figured it should have driven him crazy, he only felt more anticipation for the next whirlwind you brought him- and you never failed to come back no matter how long since your last connection. You returned like autumn; and Chan couldn’t help but fall harder for you every time.

And now your latest visit was just beginning- Felix and Chan had picked you up from the train station the day before, and you’d informed them you planned on staying for longer than your usual couple days. That small piece of news was enough to make Chan both excited and anxious. While he had more time with you, he knew it would speed past like always. He figured he should plan the days, work out his free time and whatnot. However, as always, you seemed to sneak up on him and throw all his meticulous strategizing out the window- and this time was no different.

It was a particularly cool day- only a few nights since your arrival- when he found you standing in a faint drizzle, huddled in a forest green raincoat by the bus stop. Your boots absentmindedly scuffed at the colourful leaves that littered the ground in soaked piles. Their earthy smell was one of your favourite scents, Chan knew; it was something you never failed to remind him of.

You glanced up at him just before he reached you, and a bright smile lit your face. He felt his heart stammer, the damned thing a reminder of your affect on him.

“I always liked the rain.” You raised your face to the sky, smiling at the tiny droplets that coated your face and dampened your hair. The peace in your expression was something Chan envied. Content always seemed to come so easily to you. “It makes me feel alive.”

“I suppose it does.” Chan replied softly, holding his free hand out to let the rain douse his palm. After a minute of silence, he bobbed his umbrella in your vague direction. “Does that mean you wouldn’t like to share this?”

You mumbled something that seemed suspiciously sarcastic before shuffling to join Chan under the umbrella. His nerves tingled at your sudden closeness, the warmth of your body pressed against his side. His heart was beating frantically, and he couldn’t help but grin.

“Thank you.” You peered at him, and nudged him. “What’s with the smile?”

“Nothing.” Chan replied quickly; your smile grew and he felt compelled to add an excuse. “It’s just that you’re right. The rain, it’s… refreshing in a way.”

“Of course I’m right.” You tossed your hair dramatically. “I’m always right.”

Chan laughed, and you flicked water at him.

“It’s nice to see you.”

His eyes swiveled to meet your own, caught off guard by the sudden confession. You were rarely, if ever, forthright with your affection.

“Out of nowhere?” He had to question with a flustered chuckle.

You shrugged, staring out at the grey sky. “I don’t know. It actually seemed overdue.”

And your bus pulled up then, leaving Chan to puzzle over your words as he was left alone in the rain.

He wondered late into the night what exactly you’d meant, his heart becoming a little too excited at the prospect of you staying for a while… whatever a while meant. He knew he shouldn’t hope, but in the early am’s he couldn't help it. He couldn’t help but imagine what it might be like to have you here. Here, with him, close enough to touch and hold.

But he was getting carried away, he knew, shaking his head to try and clear it of the ridiculous idea. It didn’t matter what happened in the next two weeks. At the end of it all, you would be gone again. He shouldn’t expect anything.

Yet he hoped- and he hoped more strongly than he’d intended. Perhaps, in hindsight, it hadn’t been entirely his fault. You’d been consistent in meeting him somewhere along his bus route, and the ride through town had been so much lighter with you there to talk with. He asked you so many questions, and you never seemed to grow bored of answering them. How do you take your coffee? Straight black, but on occasion you’d add sugar. Do you like thunderstorms? The only form of rain you didn’t approve of. And even though you travel so much, where do you think your heart calls home? For that one, you’d laughed half heartedly, “I shouldn’t-”

“Tell me.” Chan was far too curious.

You paused to play with the straps of your bag, staring out at the rain and the rainbow of trees. He almost wondered if you might not answer, or say something vague, or reply with ‘I don’t know.’ But then you looked at him with the echo of a smile.

“I suppose it’s always been here.”

He shouldn’t hope. He knew it would bring himself nothing but heartache.

But god, he couldn’t help it with you.

…

As he’d expected, the days flew by. He spent as much time as he could with you- at least, when he could find you. Felix joined you occasionally, but he was often busy with papers to complete and tests to study for. His first year of university was already proving to be difficult. Chan couldn’t complain in this instance- although he felt for the boy, he was also more than happy to spend his time with you, just the two of you. All the while though, he had to remind himself that you weren’t staying- like always, he would watch you leave again.

A couple days before you left, Chan convinced you to meet him at his tiny house. It had been a while since you’d been there, and Chan knew there was a particular something- or someone- you’d like to see.

“Berry!” You exclaimed, the fluffy spaniel immediately racing over at the sound of the door opening. You crouched to pet the puppy, tail wagging enthusiastically, and for a few minutes Chan just watched you with a smile.

“She missed you.”

It was meant to say more than that, and maybe you picked up on that- because you turned your face away with a small grin. “Seems like it.”

Berry decided petting wasn’t enough and ran to find a toy to bring back. In the meantime, Chan urged you further into the house, a small one story that still sometimes felt too big to Chan. It was nice to have someone- even if momentarily- fill it again.

“Nothing’s changed…” you murmured, falling onto the nearby sofa with a sigh. “I don’t even think that pile of clothes in the corner have moved-”

“Hey, of course they have.” Chan laughed, cheeks flaming as he scooped up the various items and stuffing them hastily into his room close by. “Felix dropped these off- he didn’t want them and offered them to me.”

“If you say so.”

Chan threw a pillow at you, which you caught with a laugh and hugged tightly- oddly endearing to him. “Want something to eat? Drink?”

He smiled to himself when he heard your feet hit the floor and patter after him into the kitchen. “Is that even a question?”

He laughed, swinging open the fridge. “Soda?”

“You know me so well.”

He couldn’t help but grin as he pulled out a grape soda for you and a ginger ale for himself. After collecting a small plate of mini donuts to go along, you both settled on the sofa again, with Berry curled up between you.

“You know, I bet it doesn’t taste half bad together.” You insisted, imitating dipping a donut into Chan’s drink.

“No way!”

“It’s not that different from milk and cookies! Where’s your sense of adventure?”

“It’s not about adventure, it’s about-”

“If it’s disgusting, at least you’ll have tried.”

“I’ll stick to what I know, thanks.” Chan laughed, taking a sip of his soda.

You shrugged, grinning.

It was moments like these that filled Chan’s heart the most- and simultaneously made it sink. Because it wouldn’t last. Because soon enough, this house would be painfully empty again. Of course, Felix would come occasionally- when he had time- and Berry was good company. But… it wasn’t the same as you.

“You said nothing’s different.” Chan murmured, setting down his drink.

You blinked at him. “Is there?”

Chan nodded, standing and motioning for you to follow him. He felt strangely nervous as you both entered his bedroom, and Chan stopped just inside.

“Look.”

You paused in the doorway, following where he pointed before your hand flew to cover the gasp from your mouth. “Chan! You got it!”

Chan looked down shyly, fingers lightly brushing the head of the sand coloured guitar sitting beside his bed. “Yeah, I took your advice.”

The last time you’d been here, Chan had confessed to wanting to learn to play the guitar. But he’d been unsure- the cost of the instrument alone had been deterring- but you’d encouraged him to go for it.

“Worst thing that happens is you don’t end up loving it.” You’d told him. “But… you could. You really could.”

Now, you raced over to gently touch the instrument, fingertips tracing the edges. “Oh my god, Chan. And?”

“And… I really like it.” He admitted with a small laugh- for some reason he felt nervous as he lifted the instrument and plopped onto the bed. “I’m sure I’m not that good yet, but-”

“Play for me!” You insisted- ah, right. That’s why he was nervous. Of course you’d ask for him to play.

“I’m still learning, really-”

“I don’t care, I just want to hear you.” You pleaded, sitting beside him on the bed. Your knees brushed his, sending a jolt through Chan’s body at your proximity. Your eyes were shining as he looked back at you, already knowing he was defeated.

He could never help it with you.

“Alright.” Chan blew out a breath. “Don't hope for much though.”

You just waited, chin propped on your hands- and so Chan counted to three in his head, before strumming the first chord.

It was a familiar song to you both- a favourite you both shared, a sentimental love song you knew every word to. And although Chan was slow at remembering the chords, and you weren’t the best singer, a soft melody filled the room as you hummed to his strumming. Chan filled in with harmonies, closing his eyes to listen as peace took over his heart. Your voice, the song- he could live in this moment forever. And he didn’t even notice the way you were watching him, until the song ended and he opened his eyes to find your sparkling gaze and happy smile focused on him.

The last chord faded and was replaced with an almost tangible silence as Chan’s grip on the guitar loosened, and he let it gently slide to the floor. His eyes could not leave yours as he held his breath, fingertips tingling. He wanted to reach out to you, he wanted to take your hand that sat so temptingly close to his on the blankets. Just the thought made his stomach jolt nervously. He was frozen- and then the moment was over.

You blinked and looked away, brushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “You’re not half bad.”

“Thanks.” Chan replied, because he didn’t know what the hell else to say. His mind was a mess of questions paired with screaming disappointment that he’d let his chance pass.

His chance?

This was what he contemplated long after you’d said goodbye and parted ways. He couldn’t deny the tension that had hovered in the air when your eyes had locked and he hadn’t seemed to be able to turn away. Even more rattling, though, was the heavy feeling of his heart when he thought about that moment. Because…

Gosh, it had never been this hard to imagine you not being here.

Why was it so difficult this time? He’d thought the miles between you would be bearable as long as he knew that you’d turn up again- he’d been fairly content with it for a time- but for some reason, the idea of watching you walk away even once more had him pacing in his room at nearly 4 am two days before your departure. He’d known damn well not to dabble in optimism for this particular situation, but he hadn’t been able to help it. He loved you. He could admit it now, a silent confession to the stars that would listen. He loved you desperately, feverently, hopelessly. And now, he didn’t know if he could say goodbye this time around.

It was either insanity or the product of a panicking, blinded heart- which is, by all accounts, very nearly the same thing- when he asked you to meet him at the cafe you’d first met at those many years ago. It was a cloudy but pleasant evening, the sky barely darkening as a light sprinkling of cold rain dampened the streets. You were already waiting for him when he arrived, and Chan wasn’t sure if the feeling in his chest was warmth or dread when he noticed you’d remembered his coffee order- and it sat across from you, steam curling steadily into the air.

Chan felt anything but steady at this moment. Because he didn’t even know what he was going to say; he just knew he had to do something.

“Hi.” Chan greeted you with a small smile, ducking into the empty seat as you responded with your own hello. Silence settled over the cafe- interrupted only by a shuffling employee’s feet and the whir of machinery- before you cleared your throat.

“You were quite mysterious over the phone.” You stirred the tea in your mug, swirling the tea bag around and around before turning a teasing smile his way. “Well?”

Chan laughed, a short and nervous laugh, before shrugging. “Well,” he blew at his drink to cool it- and to buy himself a bit of time to mull over his words- before saying, “I suppose this is just a last little… something before you-”

His shrug felt heavy, like his very body loathed any reference to you leaving. You merely smiled, as Chan distracted himself with a sip of his cappuccino. Yes. Just the way he liked it…

“Everything comes to an end at some point.” You answered simply with a smile. How could you smile? Chan felt like he was being pulled in two directions, and getting ready to snap. “I mean, even life ends- we all die, don’t we? Ah, gosh-” you laughed, sipping your own drink. “I didn’t mean for it to sound so dark and final.”

He didn’t know what to say. He felt like a thread fraying, piece by piece, and he was sitting here pretending like the thought of you leaving tomorrow didn’t make him bat crazy. He remained silent, gripping his mug a little too tightly.

Either you didn’t notice or didn’t want to say anything, because you just kept talking. “It was wonderful to come. To see you, to see Felix. I’ve always loved this place… especially in autumn.”

Snap. Snap. Each tiny bit of his thread.

“It is beautiful.” He made himself say, a desperate attempt to keep himself together.

You smiled at him, and said, “Thank you for making me feel so welcomed when I’m here, Chan. I… don’t know how to tell you how much that means to me.”

He couldn’t do this.

“Ah, I almost forgot-” you dug into your bag, and pulled out something small. Chan watched as you cradled a small box in your hands. “I meant to give it to you all week but… well, honestly, I didn’t know how to do it.”

You handed it to Chan, who surveyed the creamy white container, simple and plain. And when he opened the box…

It was a picture, framed simply in black. What took Chan’s breath away was the photo- he knew exactly where it was from. Last year, you’d visited for New Years and joined him and Felix and a few other people on the roof of the cafe for a celebration. You’d counted down until the New Year, and in the spur of the moment you’d pecked his cheek- after all, tradition right? you’d said while laughing, while Chan had tried desperately not to appear as flustered as he’d been. You hadn’t made a big deal out of it, so neither had Chan; he hadn’t said anything about it since, and neither had you- but here you were, frozen together in the picture. You’d kept that? Chan barely had time to take it in before you were speaking again, words coming a mile a minute.

“… I found it, so I printed it out and all that- and I don’t know, I thought you might want it. I mean,” you laughed, and it sounded uncharacteristically nervous. “I wanted you to have it. This is kind of my… confession.”

His mind was spinning, but it was still able to latch onto that word- and suddenly he couldn’t breathe.

“Because I’m leaving again, and Chan… I just had to tell you. Isn’t that selfish? But you deserve to know that I care about you more than you might think.”

No. No, why like this?

In every scenario he’d imagined today would go, this hadn't even crossed his mind. You… and him… but you were…

He was trying to grasp words to say, anything at all but they escaped him. He was completely thrown off guard, and his heart felt like it was coming up his throat. His hands dropped to the table, too heavy now to lift. His eyes drifted from the picture frame clutched between his fingers and your hand sitting inches away.

Inches.

You were still speaking, “I kept putting off giving it to you for some reason. But it will be so busy at the train station, and I didn’t want to-”

“You could stay, you know.”

The thread had snapped, the words bursting from him before he’d even registered them- and coming out more choked than he’d intended. You met Chan’s gaze, and he could see the warring of your mind before you slowly shook your head.

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t know, Chan. I feel crowded if I stay here too long. Like I can’t breathe right, like… like I’m trapped.”

He didn’t understand. He knew you cared for him, knew you might even share a fraction of the adoration he had for you. Why wouldn’t you even try?

“I’m not like you, Chan.” You added softly, tracing your index finger absentmindedly against your mug. Maybe to avoid looking at him. “I could never be content with a simple life. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with one, just… I would hate it. I would grow to despise this place, and I’m afraid I might begin to despise you with it.”

“I don’t believe that.” Chan whispered- mostly because he didn’t want to.

You smiled a bit at that, and looked up at him with sad, soulful eyes. “Would you be happy, then, to leave? To come along with me instead?”

He hated the way his eyes burned with the beginnings of tears. And he really hated that you both knew the answer.

“I know.” You whispered, turning away to gaze at the vibrant trees outside. Raindrops slipped from the colourful leaves and splashed into tiny puddles forming along the sidewalk. “That’s why I won’t ask it of you.” After a pause, you said. “It’s a dream, Chan, nothing more.”

“Then why do you keep coming back?”

He caught the smallest tug of your teeth on your bottom lip, before you turned back to him. “Because I liked this dream. Maybe even loved it.”

He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t bear this anymore. The distance had used to excite him in a way, as it kept him on his toes waiting for you- but now it just hurt. He wanted you close and then closer- and then some.

“Just… think about it.” He pleaded, unable to stop himself from reaching out to take your hand. The coolness of your skin sent a rush through his body.

Surprisingly, you didn’t pull away; instead you squeezed his hand, pausing before letting it fall. “See you tomorrow.”

You stood and left the shop; Chan gripped the framed photo long after you’d disappeared from view.

…

The train came too soon.

The packed station made it difficult for Chan and Felix to push their way through. In the meantime, Chan had plenty to think about. To fret about. He played with the sleeves of his jacket. His head was spinning, and he stumbled over the feet of a few passersby.

“Chan?” Felix was watching, confusion arching his brows. “Are you alright?”

Chan shook his head in response. “Come on, we need to hurry.”

It was ten minutes until the train left when, at last, Felix spotted you over the crowd. Chan hung back, a murky gray cloud of dread hanging over his head as Felix said his goodbyes, insisting you call him and visit. Your smile, for some reason, seemed sadder today- especially when it was directed at Chan. He took a deep breath while Felix waited a distance away, and approached you.

It only took your eyes finding his own for the lump to swell in his throat and his eyes to burn as he tried to figure out what to say. Gosh, it had never been this difficult to say farewell.

“Chan-” You gently lifted Chan’s face with your left palm, making him face you. He saw you smile through the blurriness of sudden tears, biting his lip as he desperately tried to halt them. But all he could think about was how unfair this was, and how much he’d missed you. Because he always did, and it hurt more each time he said goodbye.

“Chan?”

“Hmm?” He managed, swallowing roughly. “Y/n?”

You hesitated for a moment, before taking his hand with your free one. “I’m sorry.” You whispered. “I am. I don’t know, I just… I mean, you’re just perfect…”

“Just not for you, huh?” Chan murmured, clutching your hand like a tight grip could prevent your inevitable departure. Like your grip on his heart could somehow keep you together.

This time you bowed your head, and Chan thought he saw a tiny splinter- a crack in your gaze- before you looked back at him again. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Why not?

He hugged you tightly, afraid of letting go. You had the sense to do so first.

No tearful goodbye; it never was that way with you. Just a forlorn smile and a wave of your hand through the window before you were gone.

But you would come back, Chan assured himself, because you always did. Like the cycle of the seasons, you would return to him soon enough.

But you didn’t this time. You didn’t come back.

Weeks dissolved into months, and months turned into a year. His hope slowly faded into worry and distress at your disappearance, and then a solemn acceptance. That goodbye had been your last; even more he knew it in his heart that you didn’t intend to return.

In hindsight, he couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it coming. And he blamed himself for it, despite Felix’s assurance that it wasn’t his fault. After all, if he hadn’t pressured you to stay, maybe you’d continue to come and go as you always had. It had been his careless advances that had chased you away, and he’d been foolish to wish for you to remain within arms reach. It would have hurt for you to never find content in staying with him- but he swore it hurt a thousand times more to think that he might never see you again.

He wondered, though, if he could have borne it. Seeing you for brief pockets of time, all while knowing you would leave him again eventually. He tried to imagine it; find a scenario where both of you could be happy and be together. But… how?

Maybe it was for the best, then. If he couldn’t make you happy, it was selfish for him to expect anything from you.

Still… he missed you.

God, he missed you.

It was over two years before he heard anything from you. A mutual friend, Jisung, had run into you in Orlando. The meetup had been quickly relayed to Chan, who jumped at any information of your well-being. And as it turned out, you were doing well. Free and tied down to nothing, you were doing what you loved- exploring the world, finding your next adventure in the great unknown.

And Chan knew that it was the right path for you- even if it hurt to admit. And even if it was hard to be happy for you when he couldn’t seem to let you go himself.

Because everywhere he went, he saw you. Saw what you were, and what you might have been. You lived in his head now that you weren’t here, and he wondered if you would always stay there as his biggest what if? Even more, he wondered if you ever thought about him too.

Chan thought of you for the umpteenth time that week as he stood in a heavy drizzle, an umbrella keeping his body dry as he waited for his bus. Evening was approaching quickly, the sky darkening at an alarming rate. Brightly coloured leaves were tossed in the wind, skittering over the wet pavement. Chan stood perfectly still, listening to the steady rhythm of the rain. Pitter patter. Pitter patter.

Eventually he let his umbrella fall back; his eyes turned to the sky before closing as the first droplets of rain fell onto his face. He inhaled deeply, the rich smell of the damp leaves making him smile- even if a little wistfully.

The rain felt a little colder this year, didn't it?

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

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themidnightarcher · 6 months

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❛ ♡ INTRODUCTION POST ☕ ୧

↳ જ⁀➴ 🏹 ｡˚ “i want to do something splendid before i go into my castle--something heroic, or wonderful--that won't be forgotten after i'm dead. i don't know what, but i'm on the watch for it, and mean to astonish you all, some day. i think i shall write books, and get rich and famous; that would suit me, so that is my favorite dream.” — JO MARCH, LITTLE WOMEN <33 (my absolute beloved!!)

❝𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐃 𝐌𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐋, 𝐒𝐎 𝐈 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋❞

││↳ 🖇️ ⵌ . HI HELLO!! welcome to my page, i'm fatmata, 14 and a hopeless romantic - this is my blog (aka daily dose of cats, coffee and cynicism) but honestly you can consider this as my personal messy online diary which mostly consists of casual brainrots, miscellaneous shit, random incoherent thoughts or rambles, angry rants, online oversharing or any current hyperfixations or obsessions i have at the moment!! <33 my brain is chaotic and always seems to be all over the place (sorry for your sanity). i'm also INCREDIBLY self-indulgent, sentimental, full of suppressed rage and can become unhealthily attached to fictional characters so yeah that's that :)) 📄

│╰─────────── · · · ──────────

╰┈➤ [BASIC INFO] -> black • 🇸🇱/🇬🇧 • UK • 14 • student • INFJ, 8w7 • scorpio sun/moon • virgo rising • slytherin • casual swiftie • major coffee addict (me 🤝 lorelai & rory over being insane over coffee) • PROUD FEMINIST • avid reader • insomniac • CAT LOVER • sunset & sunrise enjoyer • autumn/spring stan • philosopher at heart • major english & history lover • middle child • team conrad • lalala girlie <33 (methinks) • horror movie enthusiast • HARDCORE MUSIC JUNKIE • replay the 'this is me trying' bridge more than the average person should 🤷‍♀️ • olivia rodrigo supporter • self-diagnosed pinterest whore • legally married to spotify • fashionista & lipgloss lover • certified rockstar gf • red nails enthusiast • midnights & rep girlie!! • BRATZ & MONSTER HIGH >>> • stationary shops adorer • freddie mcclair apologist FIRST, human second ♡ • probably (NO DEFINITELY) mentally unstable? • professional perfectionist, overthinker & teenage girl-er 24/7 • burnt out workaholic • suffer from an EXTREME case of gifted kid burnout, exam anxiety & identity crisis (so hey that's super fun!!)

╰┈➤ [MAJOR INTERESTS/HOBBIES] -> true crime ➝ listening to music ➝ reading ➝ playlist-making ➝ sociology ➝ media/character analysis ➝ english literature ➝ greek mythology ➝ dancing ➝ reading ➝ playing video games ➝ defending my beloved characters ➝ deep intellectual conversations ➝ watching greta gerwig films ➝ arts & crafts ➝ FASHION ➝ sleeping ALL day ➝ online shopping but never actually buying anything? ➝ researching random shit on the internet ➝ photography ➝ skincare ➝ crocheting ➝ cooking & baking ➝ studying ➝ writing in planners/organising journals ➝ going to stationary stores ➝ board games ➝ girlblogging ➝ maladaptive daydreaming ➝ scrolling on pinterest/tumblr for unhealthy amounts of time ➝ making moodboards ➝ etc. (but i also DESPERATELY want to learn the electric guitar because it's like the best instrument to ever exist?!)

my beloved freffy (bottom right corner) ILY TO DEATH, you deserved BETTER *sobbing while enraged*

╰┈➤ 🎧 [ARTISTS] -> taylor swift (OBVIOUSLY), lana del rey, olivia rodrigo, gracie abrams, conan gray, sabrina carpenter, beabadoobee, maisie peters, mitski, cigarettes after sex, sza, the weeknd, beyonce, kanye west, reneé rapp, ABBA, melanie martinez, tv girl, marina, doja cat, the smiths, queen, nirvana, rihanna, ariana grande, tyler the creator, adele, lorde, mac demarco, phoebe bridgers, avril lavinge, boygenius, laufey, suki waterhouse, fiona apple, clairo, billie eilish, madison beer, tate mcrae, steve lacy, kali uchis, girl in red, lizzy mcalpine, arctic monkeys, radiohead, mazzy star, coldplay, ricky montgomery, harry styles, chase atlantic, the neighborhood, roar, alex g, pinkpantheress & more!!

╰┈➤ 📖 [BOOKS] -> (ok so one thing you should understand is that i've never actually read half of these before but ANYWHO these are books i'm hoping to read in the late future so i guess they still count?? so consider this as my reading list. i'll cross them out once i've finished them!!)

╰┈➤ 🎬 [TV SHOWS/FILM] -> skins, gilmore girls, bridgerton, derry girls, ladybird, little women (2019), tsitp, barbie (2023), anne with an e, twilight, stand by me (1986), the breakfast club (1985) the edge of seventeen, boyz n the hood (1991), red white and royal blue, ten things i hate about you, thirteen (2003), girl interrupted, thg, gossip girl, heartstopper, clueless, legally blonde, [2000s chic rom-com teen girlie movies have me in a severe life-threatening chokehold, send help], outerbanks, never have i ever, sex education, etc. and MANY MORE 🫶🏾🫶🏾

╰┈➤ [+ CHARACTERS] -> JO MARCH, hermione granger, edward cullen, pippa fitz-amobi, ravi singh, rory gilmore, lorelai gilmore, lane kim, anne shirley, mulan, katniss everdeen, peeta mellark, freddie mcclair, effy stonem, cam cameron, devi vishwakumar, nadine franklin, nick nelson, allison reynolds, kat stratford, max mayfield, tracy freeland, conrad fisher, liz buxbaum, wes bennet, peter parker, alex claremont-diaz, georgia nicholson, sidney prescott + MUCH MORE

❝ 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐒𝐀𝐘, "𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄, 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐁𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐘 ❞

ִ ࣪ ⟡ ִ ۫ ִ 🕯️ ── ꒱ ◠ 🎹 ۫ ִ ۫⊹

ִ ࣪𖤐 currently reading agggtm, (re) watching skins (uk) and listening to i wish you roses (kali uchis) <33

ִ ࣪𖤐 i tend to mostly post or reblog lots and lots of art, music, history, fashion, taylor swift, FREFFY, scene aes, pop culture, food, lifestyle, fanfiction, poetry, classic literature, shakespeare, greek mythology, coquette/downtown girl aesthetic, gilmore girls, whispers, gifs, moodboards, original posts, whatever fandom i'm in, etc. overall just WHATEVER seems to catch my eye at the given moment!!

╰┈➤ DNI - racists, terfs/radfems, AGEISTS, proshippers, ableists, ED-promoting blogs, pedophiles, bigots, empty blogs (y'all might be bots or smth), gaylors/kaylors, ceffy shippers (BIASED), mean girls, zoophiles, joe alwyn haters, anti-palestinians, misandrists/misogynists, antisemitics, fatphobes, islamophobes, homophobics, transphobes, xenophobes, etc. and ANYONE ELSE who fits into that majority → 🚪(especially creeps who want to do any 'freaky' shit with me??)

❝ 𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐄, 𝐈'𝐕𝐄 𝐆𝐎𝐓 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 ❞

╰┈➤ MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED!! - @catastrxblues, @sparksssflytv, @youronlymagnolia, @svnflowermoon, @i-miss-you-im-sorry, @stvrlighhttt, @halucynator, @nqds, @alltheliars, @tooinlovetothinkstraight14, @diorgirl444, @stvrlighhttt, @urgirlnextdoorr, @girlfailing, @shefollowedthestars, @wntrrdoll, @weeping-in-the-willows, @skeelly, @reminiscentreader, @isitoversnowtvs, @jewelledmoths, @moonanditstars, @french-toadt, @dandelions-fly-in-summer-skies, @christmasslights, @urapocolypticcrush, @cottoncandywhispers, @lost-in-reveriie, @folklore-girl, @betteroffnowthatwedonttalk, @theladyinwhite13, @iwanttomarrynoahshaw, @emailsicntsend, @someones-name-insterted-here, @astraeasparrow, @evermore-4-life - ILY TO THE MOON AND TO SATURN 🪐 (let's all get married and live in the forest together fr)

┕ » • » i’d love to make more friends, feel free to ask or message me!! inbox is always open - PLEASE come say hi, i literally don’t mind at all! ꒱ྀི « ━━━┙

NOW PLAYING: PEOPLE WATCHING - CONAN GRAY‎ — ♬

01:23 ━━━━●───── 02:38

↺ ◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ ㅤ↻ ☆

★₊˚﹟' CREATED BY @ [--- #THEMIDNIGHTARCHER ]

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