#batfam: fuck

[bonchobrick]

So I’ve seen some posts going around about a ‘Bruce adopts Danny and everyone thinks they’ll finally have a normal family member—Danny is very not normal’ and here’s my late night take on it.

Or

Danny batfam au where they batfam tries really hard to keep their vigilante ass-kicking nightlife a secret from danny because he is ‘the only normal one in the family’ this becomes a problem however when danny gets kidnapped.

——-

The batfam all work together in a deeply serious family meeting to save their boy. After hours of combining their brains together they come up with a plan that will effectively save danny from joker, kick joker’s ass, and also make them look really cool while doing it.

So they bust in that warehouse, guns blazing, explosions fading in the background, a gust of dramatic dust covers the air

Batman steps infront of the rest of the team and demands to the blurry figure somewhere in the distance, “Where is Danny!”

The dust clears–they expect bad guys pointing weapons meancingly at them, they expect a cackle of a wicked clown amused at whatever plot he had planned coming to life, they expected a terrified boy perhaps tied somewhere likely siting in a chair that joker could present to the bats as a way of taunting them.

The dust settles–they observed their surroundings looking around and realize that, there are few new facts to be added into this ‘defeat the villain, get the bro, happy ending equation’

There is decidedly no weapons being pointed at them: In fact, all of the henchmen are already knocked out and tied up.

There is decidedly no evil laughs being echoed their way: In fact, the only noise that isnt coming from them is a light scritch scratch of a pencil

And there is decidedly no terrified little boy, there is a Danny however and he seems to be doing alright–actually scratch that.

Danny is doing wonders for the situation he’s in right now: In fact–

–Danny is sitting criss cross applesauce on-top a knocked out tied up Joker doing his algebra homework

The small blue eyed boy looks up at Batman's voice and visibly brightens, “Oh hey guys, I was wondering when you’d show up.”

Jason says with the utmost of comprehension, “...what.”

“So hi, I’m kinda new to gotham so sorry about beating these guys up, I think they’re villains? I dunno, anyways if you could take care of these guys while I call an uber home that’d be great.”

Danny sends them a blinding smile which would've been adorable if there weren’t a massive pile of bodies he were casually walking away from.

As Danny nears the exit he looks over his shoulder to the baffled group of vigilantes and blinks

“Oh yeah one last thing,” Danny rubs the back of his neck nervously, “Could you guys not tell the Waynes about this.”

Damian speaks up for the rest of his frozen family, albeit hesitantly, “I do think they have already been alerted of your kidnapping.”

“Oh no that's fine.” Danny starts nervously, “It's more about me being the… fighter… in this situation. I was just adopted by them and they seem really nice, I don’t want to scare them away being all grrrr im a scary monster boy and i love to hurt people argh.”

“I don’t think they’d think you're a monster.” Tim adds quietly

“Eh, tell that to my birth parents–they went psycho on me. Like evil scientist psycho, it was not as awesome as the movies make it sound, having scientists for parents.” Danny says bittersweet as he admits with a shrug

There is a moment of silence as the batfamily reevaluate the adoption file that states Danny’s family before they passed were very good people–albeit a bit excentric.

Dick blurts out, “Where did you learn to fight?”

Danny sends him an anxious chuckle, “I actually started when I was fourteen–my town always ran into some trouble so I had to step up. It’s part of the reason I moved here actually. I really don’t want anything to do with that hero vigilante life anymore…” The boy puts his hands together in a pleading motion, “So please don’t tell The Waynes!”

Bewildered at the situation as a whole they nod in a daze

The boys eyes widen at their easy agreement and he grins, “Thank you so so much! I’ve got to go now, it’s way past my curfew. but you’ll probably see me again next time I get kidnapped–I’ll make sure to put in a good word for you guys with my family bye!”

And just like that Danny slips off into the night leaving behind a family who were so sure they finally found a normal addition to their pack.

Jason sighs looking forlornly at the spot Danny had previously been standing, “You could just never pick the just semi-mentally healthy normal kids could you?”

Bruce groans pinching his the bridge of his nose

#dc x dp #dp x dc #fanfiction #danny phantom #batfam #danny fenton #dp x dc crossover #maybes a fic #this was fun to write so probs part 2 later #Batfam: hello normal son #Danny with practicing the knot he learned in home ed on 37 criminals: hey guys #batfam: fuck #danny is a little shit #it’s up to your interpretation whether or not he’s genuinely clueless about the Waynes being the Bats #or if he’s fucking with them #ohkay going to sleep bye bye #mwah #also we do not see the bad grammar haha gn #veerliwrites

[daydreamerwonderkid]

Somebody rescue Tim. He's seen too much.

You do NOT have permission to repost my art.

Meme reference under cut:

#dreamer doodles #bruce wayne #batman #tim drake #robin #robin iii #red robin #so fucking jazzed i finally finished this old af WIP #still trying to figure out how to draw tim and bruce #i live for that one fanon bit #where tim has a habit of making increasingly ridiculous #powerpoint presentations that the batfam #are forced to sit down and listen to

[ghost-bxrd]

Prompt:

Instead of Dick or Tim, Red Hood straight up goes for kidnapping Bruce Wayne and keeping him hostage just to see how desperate the birds get in trying to find him.

It’s a foolproof plan. Batman won’t blow his cover unless absolutely necessary, and “Brucie” would never know how to slip away from a crime lord of Red Hood’s caliber. It’s foolproof. It’s perfect. Jason can keep dropping hints and make threats towards the birds and watch Bruce squirm without consequences if he plays this right.

But then “Brucie” keeps begging him not to hurt his kids…

#Jason miscalculated #seeing Batman frightened is one thing #but without the cowl he’s just Bruce #and Bruce was Jason’s DAD #it’s pretty hard to see him plead like that #and ffs Jason was just suggesting MILD torture with Tim #now stop CRYING Brucie omG #Jason is totally NOT close to tears himself no fucking way #meanwhile dick and Tim: #SCREAMING IN DISTRESS #jason todd #batfamily #batfam #dick grayson #robin #tim drake #bruce wayne #red hood #Nightwing #batdad #prompts #fic #titans tower au does this count? #enemy to caretaker for certain tho #or more like #enemy to son #or enemies to family? #huh #Batman #fanfiction

[lustwithoutlore]

Stephanie, clearly upset: I just spent $30 at the grocery store and all I got was eggs, mayonnaise, fruit, and pop.

Tim: Oh so prices have gone down, that’s good.

Stephanie: …. I really hate you sometimes, Tim. Really hate you.

Tim: Isn’t $30 for all that cheap?

Stephanie, calling Jason: I need an immediate extraction I’m about to kill Tim.

Jason: … And you need the extraction, why?

#steph: *cocks gun* time to eat the fucking rich #tim: thank god if I get killed I can finally rest #steph: *lowers gun* uh…. you good bro? #batfamily #batman #jason todd #red hood #batfam #tim drake #stephanie brown #batgirl #red robin #dc comics #dc comics funny #incorrect batfamily quotes

[that-one-weird-cloud0]

Batfam: ghosts aren’t real.

Danny, having been trying to explain that he’s the dead boy to them or 3 hours: *pulls sleeve up and sticks out arm*

Danny: Find. A. Pulse.

Batfam: Danny, how is this—oh my god where is your pulse?

#Batfam: you are not dead you a a meta with ghostly powers #danny: I fucking wish! #Danny: maybe id have rights if I was a meta! #Batfam: wait— #dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #danny phantom #dcxdp #danny fenton #dp x dc prompt #dp x dc crossover #batfam #dc x dp prompt

[confused-wanderer]

Sometimes when Dicks just too tired to deal with the batfam’s shit he starts encouraging them.

================================

Surrounded by gang members and caught in the crossfire between two gangs

Jason *pulling out a gun* : I’m gonna fucking obliterate all of them

Nightwing: Go right ahead

Jason: .. you serious? I’m not playing Dick I WILL shoot every single one of them in the head

Nightwing: sure.

Jason:

Nightwing: What you want me to start? Okay.

Jason: .. Dick why the fuck do you have a gun? DICK STOP LOADING THE GUN-

================================

At a stakeout waiting for the proof before intervening

Tim: Why can’t we just force a confession instead of waiting for him to crack?

Stephanie: Ooo or threaten him with blackmail so bad he starts crying!

Duke: Guys *eyes point to Dick sitting in a corner*

Stephanie: Right.. party pooper

Nightwing:

Nightwing: Okay got it.

*heads out*

Duke: No Dick wait! We were joking!

Stephanie: drama queen just needs a minute sunshine- wait is that him approaching the target?

Tim *who’s seen this happen before* *panicking knowing what’s gonna go down* : OH SHIT ABORT-

================================

Being stuck with a very annoying henchmen who won’t stop talking

Damian: .. Can we simply shut him up?

Nightwing: whatever you wanna do

Damian *narrows eyes*: I can’t ruin my katanna for this

Nightwing: *hands him knife*

Damian:

Nightwing: And remember, the most effective place to silence someone without causing them excruciating pain and also temporarily depriving them of air is right here *points to a small area on the neck*

Damian: ..

Nightwing: .? Go on?

Damian *putting it away* : .. no..

================================

It works a 1000 times more effectively just because either all of them are bluffing or they’re scared Dick’s not.

#Damian thinks it’s a test #he doesn’t want to fail this #dick just said “fuck it god I’m testing you today #batfam headcanons #dick Grayson #nightwing #robin #Damian Wayne #red hood #Jason todd #Tim drake #red robin #spoiler #Stephanie brown #duke thomas #the signal #dc #dc batman #batfam

[fakeicecubes]

I truly think that Bruce would protect his kids with his life from the media/paparazzi. Like when he first adopted Dick all articles surrounding him and his parents death vanished. Or how he played up his Brucie performance when Damian first went to a WE gala because he’s never had to deal with the press before. And I KNOW it killed him when Jason’s death was announced but that was the one thing they couldn’t keep from the media.

One day, pre-identity reveal, Clark goes to a charity gala and asks a young Tim drake and Cassandra Cain about their opinions on the subject. A BUNCH of reporters are giving him looks but Clark can’t tell what for. Until Bruce Wayne walks up to with a stone cold expression. But Clark was perfectly polite and Tim and Cass tell Bruce they actually enjoyed expressing their opinions. The next day in the Planet their words weren’t twisted. And now whenever article comes out about the Waynes(still a rare occurrence but it’s something) it’s written by a certain Clark Kent.

#batfam #batman #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne #brucie wayne #dick grayson #jason todd #tim drake #cassandra cain #superbat #dceu #dcu #dc comics #dc universe #fuck the paparazzi #-Brucie Wayne

[sepia-stained-sunset]

Duke, Jason, Damian and Cass who only knew Kon and Tim during their "I would burn down the world for you" era asking the rest of the family how Tim missed their obvious chemistry, how he's been oblivious to the person he's been in love with since the day they met.

Steph, Dick, Bruce, Alfred and Babs, who all got a taste of their initial Young Justice years where Tim was one second away from framing Kon for murder, just exchange amused looks.

#tim would probably leave hundreds of messages to steph complaining about kon until even steph just hates him on principle #and then two months later he's making heart eyes at the man and steph is like 'are you FUCKING KIDDING ME???!' #if tim and kon ever got together steph would break into his house and force him to listen to her read his old texts out loud #tim drake #kon el kent #timkon #batfam shenanigans

[breadandblankets]

au where the bats manage to stay urban legends, sure other heroes know of them, but they help largely from the shadows, they aren't put on display and they're hardly known at All outside of the strange circle of gotham's goons

that changes when duke thomas stares batman down and says on no uncertain terms that he's working day shift

the signal is Gotham's first confirmed superhero, and he wears a bat on his chest

social media goes Wild fighting over whether the Batman existed all along or if someone finally got the tech and powers to make the bat (or a bat) Real

suddenly the world of superheros feels a lot more real to the citizens of Gotham who got used to horrible disasters being either ignored or neatly cleaned away from the public eye, now there's a guy getting thrown through windows and helping grannies cross the street and the war between gotham and metropolis gets even more cut throat

#duke thomas #bruce wayne #batman #batfam #bread talk #i think it would be very interesting if social media invents some beef between superman and a literal 16 yr old #that would be So fucking funny #to me #not to them #they have to do like pr and publicity things to be like nope we are sure friends and he's like my step foster father once removed #and u know what #tim drake #lmao #thats for me #batfamily #you know the general Thems

[ghostiiest]

my favorite brothers ever

#mention tim and dick around me ill fucking rip off ur arms and legs i have sooooo many thoughts abt them #the brothers ever and ever #ill go crazy at the mere mention of dick and tim #dc #casper’s art #tim drake #dick grayson #robin #nightwing #batfamily #batfam

[februarys-wednesday]

i like the idea that bruce just shows up to league meetings with his birds with absolutely no explanation offered

i mean this man frequently stalks his coworkers and knows everything that's happening in their personal lives and i think he'd forget that HE is the weird one for doing it and not everybody automatically knows when he's acquired a new child

so he just shows up at the watchtower with a new bird and literally says nothing about it . just sits at his chair with the latest robin standing next to him and literally doesn't acknowledge that anything is different and it gets even more confusing when they change their costumes and names 😭

like

20-something bruce: and containing this may be a matter of-flash did you have a question

barry: uh. yeah. sorry, what is that?

20-something bruce: (glancing at 9 yr old dick who has been next to him for 45 minutes) that's robin. obviously. as i was saying,

-

early 30s bruce, who hasn't shown up with a robin for a few years, entering with a nightwing and a jason todd robin:

barry:

diana:

hal:

j'onn:

bruce: what.

hal:

hal: do you like clone them or

-

mid 30s bruce, quietly talking with a clearly-not-sixteen-years-old robin in the corner after being without one for two years:

hal:

diana:

barry:

j'onn:

clark:

bruce:

tim:

bruce: this one followed me

-

late 30s bruce zeta-beaming in with a nightwing, a slightly older robin, and an absolutely BUILT man in a red hood:

barry: did you hire a bodyguard

bruce: no.

barry: whos mr red over there

bruce: you don't remember my second one???

barry:

hal:

diana:

j'onn:

clark:

barry: did. did that one not die

jason: got better

-

later 30s bruce, quietly showing around a blonde robin:

hal:

bruce: don't ask.

hal: i didn't say anything

-

40 yr old bruce, making intense, unbroken eye contact with a black shadow:

clark, leaning over to talk to tim: what are they doing

tim, not looking up from his fancy ipad: do i look like i know that

-

red robin popping in unnanounced in the middle of a league meeting: batman is alive.

barry: who the FUCK are you???

-

batman, some minutes later, trailed by what is CLEARLY a new robin: did red robin happen to pass through here????

barry: i have several questions

-

no-longer-lost-in-the-time-stream bruce, talking to batgirl, black bat, and the signal:

hal: did you get three more.

bruce: no. just one.

hal: i shouldn't have asked, my bad

-

mid 40s bruce wayne, stepping out of the zeta tube: sorry i'm late

diana: not to worry. let's get start-

bruce: i have a few more coming behind me

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

jason: hi

cass: 👋

diana:

diana: ok should we st-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

dick, holding damian like a scowling, sopping wet cat: bruce he's not feeling polite today

damian: HISSS

bruce: okay does he need to go back?

dick: he said he's fine but hes just not feeling polite

diana:

diana: is that the las-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

steph: b i need a hair tie

diana:

diana: so can-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

duke: b did i miss rolecall

diana: no, signal, you did not. let's-

zeta tube: 🌀🌀🌀

tim: b alf is mad at you

bruce: why

hal: it's like a fucking clown car

steph: you didn't eat breakfast

tim: you didn't eat breakfast either

steph: shut.

damian: HISSSS

jason: wing. if you do not keep that brat quiet-

dick: hes a BABY!!!!!

duke: you didn't eat breakfast either, timothy

jason: hes a BITCH!!!!!

tim: who the fuck told you????

cass: :)

hal: (storming off, in tears), YOU HAVE TOO MANY CHILDREN.

#got carried away with this but the idea that the jl cannot keep track of all the fucking kids bruce has is so funny to me #dc #batman #batfamily #bruce wayne #batfam #nightwing #robin #dick grayson #red robin #red hood #tim drake #cass cain #jason todd #stephanie brown #damian wayne #duke thomas #spoiler #batgirl #the spoiler #justice league #batkids #elle's original content

[rootbeerrex]

I WAS DOING PROCRASTINATED ENGLISH HOMEWORK AT 10:30 PM AND THIS BATFAM INTERACTION POPPED FULLY FORMED INTO MY BRAIN

Jason, staring down a defeated villain with his helmet off, dramatically monologuing like the theatre kid he is: Death didn't stop me the first time, what made you think you'd be the one to make it stick? Haven't you people learned? You cannot kill me in a way that matters.

Tim, pausing where he's taking down the remaining henchmen: hold on a second. I've heard that line before. did you just- did you just quote a Tumblr post in your takedown monologue?????

Jason, red in the face and blatantly embarassed: I don't know what the FUCK you're talking about, Replacement.

Dick, sweeping in on a grappling hook and knocking out a goon coming up behind Jason: No, he's definitely right. "decay exists as an extant form of life" and all that.

Jason, shoving his guns back into their holsters and walking away while grumbling to himself: and they wonder why I don't come to family dinners

Damian, popping out of the shadows: So long, fungus boy

#IM SORRY THIS JUST WAS DROPPED INTO MY HEAD FULLY COMPLETED #YOU CANT CONVINCE ME THAT JASON WOULDNT THINK THATS THE HARDEST LINE EVER #AND THAT THE REST OF THEM WOULDNT RIP HIM TO FUCKING SHREDS OVER IT #Jason Todd #Dick Grayson #Tim Drake #Damian Wayne #Red Hood #Nightwing #red robin #Robin dc #dc #batfamily #batfam #batman #wayne family adventures #rex's dc journey #rex's greatest hits

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Bruce and Clark start dating and Clark finds himself spending more time around the batkids and whenever he's losing an argument he just says "yeah? well I fucked your dad."

It's very effective.

#it deals instant psychic damage #the kids still have not found a good response #clark tries not to be a petty person but he does enjoy the intense reactions his words evoke #it's especially effective on damian who can't even argue that bruce isn't technically his dad #tim tried 'well i fucked your son' once but it just doesn't have the same impact #batman #bruce wayne #superman #clark kent #superbat #dc #dc comics #mine #batfam

[finemealprompt]

DP x DC Prompt #9

When Phantom joined the Justice League, he wasn’t prepared to be approached by Batman of all people. He had been warned to not take everything Batman says to you personally, but that he was a great hero.

Batman had a request. A simple one, at least according to Batman. He asked Phantom to meet an anti-hero who had come back from the dead and had some … nasty side effects.

Phantom, intrigued, agreed. Batman set a time and place, and Phantom showed up. But, Phantom thought Batman had said the one in the red helmet was the undead.

He doesn’t understand why everyone freaks out when Phantom approaches the vigilante with half a cowl dressed in black and red. This boy reeked of death, did Batman seriously not know?

#finemeal prompt #dp x dc #danny fenton #tim drake #batman #batfam #tim drake is some kinda fucked up #for what reason? #who knows #but i thought it’d be funny to have someone else a lil fucked up from deatg #jason todd is gonna make fun of tim so much for this you already know XD #y’all think tim’s obsession would be batman? #or vigilantism? #idk could be fun

[lustwithoutlore]

Damian, walking into the Batcave: I require assistance.

Dick: Sure, Dami! What can I help you with?

Damian: Not from you.

Bruce, thinking: Damian... Damian needs... father's help? MY help?

Bruce, being way too fucking smug: Ah, well, Dick, don't be sad. Sometimes a boy just needs his father. How can I help you, son?

Damian: Not from you, either. I require assistance from Stephanie.

Stephanie: HA! SUCK IT, BRUCE!

#does Damian actually need help with something or does he just want to psychologically fuck with Dick's and Bruces minds #we'll never know #Damian and Stephanie are lowkey my favourite duo #they have so much potential #batfamily #batman #jason todd #batfam #bruce wayne #stephanie brown #dick grayson #damian wayne #batgirl #spoiler dc #nightwing #robin dc #batman and robin #dc comics funny #dc comics #dc universe #incorrect batfamily quotes #batfam memes #batfam headcanons

[that-one-weird-cloud0]

Danny: *just chilling on the couch while being very still™️ at the Wayne Manor*

Clark: *comes to visit*

Clark: hey Bruce?

Bruce: yes?

Clark: why is there a dead child in your living room?

Bruce: what 0-0

Danny: oh shit

Danny: *starts up heartbeat* better?

Clark: *even more freaked out*

#someone commented this on another post #and omg I love #just imagine Danny hearing this and immediately panicking #like oh shit forgot to start my heart this morning #shit am I breathing today? #why did they have to notice it takes energy to do living things :( #Batfam: Danny are you alright? #Danny: yup! #Clark: no no he was dead he didn’t have a heartbeat for like 20 minutes since I’ve been here #Danny: don’t fucking blow my cover Boy Scout #Batfam: Danny are your dead? 🥺 #Danny: yes—Wait no that’s not I’m not a ghost #Batfam: wut #dp x dc #dc x dp #dpxdc #danny phantom #dcxdp #danny fenton #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc prompt #batfam #dc x dp prompt