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nightxlight9 · 3 years

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Inspired from birth ｜ Emptiness that you want to hug

Dialogue with the Bungei Prize-winning author.

Tono Haruka, who received the Akutagawa Prize (1) less than a year after the 2019 Bungei Prize (2), and Sakurai Atsushi, the frontman of BUCK-TICK, who continues to play an active role in music culture after their major debut in 1987 and who this September celebrated 33 years from that day. As if real father and son, as artists of different genres - what do they feel and get from coexistence? That which was not told before; what I always wanted to hear. Here, for the first time, is presented a dialogue that pushes creative boundaries.

ᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠᅠ Resonant feelings

Sakurai: I didn’t think the day would come when we could talk like that. I am very grateful.

Tono: Likewise, thank you very much.

— Sakurai-san, when you read Tono-san’s novel, what impression did it leave on you?

Sakurai: Cultivation shocked me. Not in the sense that I didn’t like it - it is rather akin to art that I like to touch. Regarding the Catastrophe — thanks to the Cultivation I am tempered enough for Tono-sensei’s books; and even though there are a lot of hardcore scenes of sex and violence, it didn't shock me too much. While I was reading, he pulled me in and repulsed me - this both disturbed and soothed. Although it is rather ridiculous to describe my impressions of the novel that way.

Tono: It's hard to share your impressions, isn’t it?

Sakurai: After reading Catastrophe, the emptiness of the protagonist seems to leave an aftertaste. She resonates with the emptiness in me, as if I want to embrace something passionately — but there is nothing to embrace. The feeling was like that. I was the kind of child who started to really get into the festival after it was over. Not having fun in the midst of the fun, but thinking about it when it’s already over. And as I grew up, nothing changed. First and foremost, I come to terms with everything, so [for me] the “emptiness” of Tono-sensei’s novel was refreshing.

Tono: Many people mention the word “emptiness” (решите, что вам больше подходит — “emptiness” или “void”). And the main idea of Catastrophe speaks of “the emptiness of a new era”.

Sakurai: Tono-sensei gives the impression of a composed and calm person, and this is imposing on the main character. It seemed to me that the hero contains not only emptiness, but also a certain composure.

Tono: It’s a bit surprising to hear that Sakurai-san has an emptiness. I have listened to BUCK-TICK since elementary school and I think that this band has more of a well-established dark worldview rather than emptiness. Their world is original, which completely sets them apart from other bands, don’t you think?

Sakurai: Been listening since then, really? Thanks. I am very touched.

Tono: My work couldn’t be called bright either, so maybe [their music] subconsciously influenced me.

Sakurai: Dilettante question, but — The Cultivation and Catastrophe are not about personal experiences, they are a product of the imagination, right?

Tono: Yes, that’s right. I was not describing my own experience, but I designed and took everything from imagination. It is much more interesting to write, thinking about what you yourself have not experienced or what you don’t know about, because you can discover something new for yourself.

Sakurai: That is, before you start working, there is no fully-formed concept, it is formed step by step in the process of writing?

Tono: I sketch out something like a rough draft, but when I start writing, I move away from it, and the result is something completely different. It seems that I am writing it myself, and then suddenly something unexpected appears [in the text], which confuses and complicates everything, but this only makes it more interesting.

Sakurai: Something unexpected — for example?

Tono: In Catastrophe, there is a girl named Irori who gets scared at one point. Before starting the work, I thought about including a child somewhere. But when I was already writing, I surprised myself when, at an unexpected moment, she hid under the bed and watched the hero.

Sakurai: Yes, it happens. Could it be that the story itself is rejecting [the planned] in the process of writing? There are deviations from the original design, and in the end it turns out completely different. These changes are fun, it’s great.

ᅠ Life and art

Sakurai: Although not a first-person novel, do you have the same sudden madness and cruelty as the protagonist, Tono-sensei?

Tono: I think I’m a very decent person. I don’t fight people, I don’t stay up late. In that sense, the main character and I are completely different.

Sakurai: So this madness is purely imaginary?

Tono: It doesn’t really happen. This was not conceived in the characters, and yet from time to time they did things that should not have been done, or found themselves involved in unexpected events due to some minor misunderstandings. So I could, in the heat of the moment, do something rash. I still have some kind of crazy thing in me, and this could have affected the characters.

Sakurai: As I read it, it worried me if you were experiencing what you described, or if you are going to experience it in the near future. It was constantly spinning in my head. Perhaps it bothered [me] from a different point of view, not as a reader.

Tono: There is almost nothing from my life or personal experience in this work. The location of the Catastrophe is Keio University (3), and I also studied there. Is that the issue? I have not participated in such events and do not plan to. *laugh*

Sakurai: Thank goodness. *laugh*

Tono: It’s hard to make a story interesting just by describing how the characters sleep and go about their day, so you have to weave in some twists and turns.

Sakurai: There’s a font of worries in there. Very stimulating. Because of this, when I was already finishing it, it felt a little sad, because I wanted to read on, but it seemed that the end was close.

Tono: Of course, as the saying goes, “This is where everything ends”.

Sakurai: How would you, Tono-sensei, suggest to read [this book]?

Tono: How should I put it... I don’t want to impose on readers [thoughts] like “I wrote with this intent” or “This book needs to be read this way and that way”. I do not want to limit the potential interpretations. I would be happier if they read it on their own, calling it boring if it was boring, or interesting if it was interesting.

Sakurai: It's very courageous.

Tono: If I was debuting as a teenager, it might have been different. But since it happened when I was already 28 years old, I do not take readers’ reactions to heart and am not afraid of it.

Sakurai: II only recently came to this. Probably in my fifties, somewhere around the last three released albums. In my youth, I was still that little tyrant, digging in my heels, so that everything was my way. Now it all seems somewhat extreme. Now I think: “Listen as you like”.

Tono: Do you look up the listeners’ impressions?

Sakurai: I don’t want to worry about [reviews on] social media. Not in the sense of “I don't care,” but in the sense of “I don’t want to worry”. So personally, I am not involved in checking such things.

Tono: Well, I’m checking it. I’m trying to figure out, in general, how people read it. It doesn’t affect how I write, though.

Sakurai: Oh, just to confirm [your thoughts], correct? A sensible approach. Of course, in my case, there should be no paranoia at all. You start taking everything to heart and fears will arise, so it’s better not to get carried away.

Tono: Companies conduct surveys of who use their services, don’t they? It’s kind of like that. If all the experiences are completely different from my expectations, it is worth considering how I write.

Sakurai: A top-notch entrepreneur.

Tono: No, I’m a newbie. *laughter* Not a year has passed since my debut...

Sakurai: A very courageous newbie, from where I am looking.

[At our next meeting, I will already be

the winner of the Akutagawa Prize]

Sakurai: Last December he attended the BUCK-TICK concert in Yoyogi. Even before the Catastrophe was published in the magazine. After the performance, we were able to talk a little in the dressing room, and when he was just about to leave, Tono-sensei said, “By our next meeting, I will win the Akutagawa Prize”.

Tono: Ah, yes, he did. It was probably terribly immodest to say that. But if before you roll the dice you declare that it will come up six, and then it really comes up six, it seems that something amazing just happened, right? I wonder if they will ever say: “Just like he said”?

Sakurai: And the promise was fulfilled. It couldn’t be cooler. He was wearing a mask, so it was difficult for me to see his expression, but I saw that dazzling confidence.

Tono: I often say these things even if I haven’t finished my work yet.

Sakurai: It was the last push, right? Thank you for coming to the concert then.

Tono: How could I not? And the next concert will be the day after tomorrow (September 21*)? I bought a ticket.

Sakurai: Is that true? Wow, I am suddenly nervous.

Tono: Is this the first time you broadcast a concert online without an audience?

Sakurai: We performed without an audience at WOWOW once before, and I had no idea how much tension to expect. And a few days ago we had a film-concert shoot — in a large hall, without an audience. Of course, there was no applause or shouts of joy. After each song there is a complete silence.

Tono: Not very encouraging, right?

Sakurai: Right now I'm trying to get inspired by myself. Even now, during the coronavirus epidemic, there are many things you can get latch on to. I realized that even these days I can be on the same wavelength with the energy of my fans. It was not an ordinary feeling. You also can’t do autograph sessions and meetings with readers right now, correct?

Tono: Yes, there are no autograph sessions yet, and the conversations are taking place online. The Akutagawa and Naoki Awards (4) usually serve a lot of food, but this year there was no such thing, and the number of guests was limited.

Sakurai: Very sorry. Still, it must have been an amazing experience.

Tono: The day after tomorrow the sales of the new album “ABRACADABRA” will start, right? What does it look like finished?

Sakurai: After Tono-sensei debuted as a writer, we exchanged messages with him, and it gave me courage. Or if not courage, then determination to write and juggle words. I think it showed itself in the album. Perhaps I’ve managed to open - more precisely, to throw open the door to a vocabulary that I had not used before.

Tono: It seems to me as well, that you succeeded.

Sakurai: Moreover, now I have the strength to use those words.

Tono: Any desire to write a novel?

Sakurai: No way.

Tono: I would read it even if it was very short.

Sakurai: I think it would take an incredible effort from me.

Tono: You were writing song lyrics originally, correct?

Sakurai: Yes, I’m writing. Music has always been on my mind. Although in elementary school I was often praised for [written] reviews of what I have read.

Tono: It was exactly the opposite for me. I was completely unable to describe these impressions. I couldn’t even set it up.

Sakurai: This is amazing.

Tono: I couldn't understand what kind of impressions they were talking about. No matter what I read, everything seemed to me “Well, okay”, but you can’t call that an impression.

Sakurai: In some interview it was mentioned that you were a member of a band when you were at university.

Tono: It was a copy-band, there isn't much to talk about. But Cultivation has a character who plays drums in a band, so that experience influenced the novel.

Sakurai: I’m even a little happy.

Tono: I did a lot of things, but for the most part I gave it all up quickly, so writing is my longest-running occupation at the moment.

Sakurai: Since when have you been writing?

Tono: I started somewhere after I turned twenty, so it’s about seven or eight years old by now. I thought that being on the other side [of the book] was a completely different matter. Like, shouldn’t I become a creator myself and start giving shape to things? Perhaps BUCK-TICK influenced this in some way from the very beginning.

Sakurai: And then a novel ended up being written.

Tono: Yes.

— Did Sakurai-san know that Tono-san was writing a novel?

Tono: The first time I told him about it was when I won the 2019 Bungei Prize for my debut.

Sakurai: I’ve heard something [about this] since he graduated from university, but was amazed when he suddenly made his debut as a writer. However, I was looking forward to [the release of the book]. What kind of work will it be, could not wait to read it — something like that. And I was amazed a second time when Cultivation came out. How did you feel after finishing work on this novel?

Tono: I gained confidence and I decided that I could make it to the final round. I didn’t know, of course, how it would go in the future, if I would end up regretting it.

Sakurai: And he wrote to me about it.

Tono: Yes, that happened. I wrote “I got to the finals”. It was still cooler to report this after receiving the award.

Sakurai: And the coolness of the statement that “next time I meet I will be the winner of the Akutagawa Prize” then went off the charts.

Tono: This is just the beginning.

Different hobbies, same tastes

— This year BUCK-TICK celebrated 33 years from the date of their debut — without breaking up or changing membership of the group. What is the secret of such longevity?

Sakurai: Patience. Group work requires patience. The others and I, by the way, we often say this. But it seems to me that writers are have it more difficult in terms of moral, because they work alone. You have to evaluate yourself. When you are in a group, there is always someone who will express their opinion.

Tono: Perhaps so.

Sakurai: The writers of the old days appear to us to be some kind of alcoholics and drug addicts, down on their luck, with a ruined life — but now people are different.

Tono: In our era, being a writer, you can support yourself with more than just creativity, so in this sense the profession is more reliable than before. And I don’t drink much at all. And you, Sakurai-san, drink a lot, right?

Sakurai: Yes. I am one of those who seek salvation in alcohol. *laughter*

Tono: By the way, do you still read lots of novels?

Sakurai: Recently I reread Mishima Yukio again (5). And also [books] by Numata Mahokaru-san (6) and Taguchi Randi-san (7).

Tono: You’ve loved Mishima Yukio for the longest time, right?

Sakurai: Yes, quite true. It's not just about books — I’ve watched YouTube videos about Mishima Yukio and Kawabata Yasunari (8), and they really are very interesting people.

Tono: I haven’t read Yukio Mishima at all. My preferences in literature are very different.

Sakurai: What is your favorite writer, Tono-sensei?

Tono: When I was just starting to think about the novel, I had no idea how to write, and started by imitating the prose of Natsume Soseki (9). Have you read it?

Sakurai: I love his Heart very much. But now you probably don’t have time to read.

Tono: Right. But they often say that you need to read more, so I think about it anyway. Sakurai-san, do you study other artists’ music?

Sakurai: I’m a slob, so I’m not really up to date, so to speak. But good things still find their way to me. I can catch it on the radio when I’m driving, or hear it somewhere by accident. The youth of today like Kaze-san Fujii (10), don’t they?

Tono: Wow. A bit surprising.

Sakurai: You probably like something harsher, right?

Tono: I love King Gnu (11). Mentioned this in an interview for the monthly Bungei Shunju (12). Many were surprised that the music favored by young people and the traditional image of the Akutagawa Prize are not related.

Sakurai: King Gnu is great. I bought their CD as well. Just like that, I found out about King Gnu when I accidentally heard them. They have such an interesting lead singer.

Tono: Iguchi Satoru-san is interesting, yes. On Twitter, I would send links to [my] videos to anyone, even to the Pope himself. And when I appeared at Music Station, I stunned everyone with my descent down the stairs.

Sakurai: Showed up wearing sandals, yeah. *laughter* Do you watch a lot of TV?

Tono: From time to time. I saw your collab with Shiina Ringo-san at Music Station. “Elopers” is a great song, very powerful.

Sakurai: Really? I am very happy.

You can't lie to yourself

Sakurai: Has the third work been written yet?

Tono: Yes. The events transpire in an institution that raises people with supernatural abilities. The main character attents it along with the rest, tries to awaken superpowers in himself, but since he does not possess them, he gets no progress. This is the story I am writing. It will differ from the two previous works in meaning.

Sakurai: Is there a deadline?

Tono: I want to submit it to the editors by early next year. You, Sakurai-san, also have deadlines, right?

Sakurai: I have deadlines, of course. Release and tour dates might be pre-determined and songs should be worked on accordingly. And I will stubbornly work on them until they tell me: “That’s it, you can't put things off any longer”. However, I still try to keep within the appointed time.

Tono: Are there any serious challenges when you work?

Sakurai: It's very difficult to work when I’m drained. If you try to force something out of yourself, you get only lies, and then it turns out that you are insincere with yourself and with others. You can’t lie to yourself. But with a bit of personal experience and imagination, on the other hand, you can make very good progress.

Tono: You have to rewrite everything a lot, right?

Sakurai: Depends on the song. Sometimes I have to rewrite over and over again, and sometimes I write the first word that comes to my mind and everything is ready. Most often, some kind of shape may emerge first. How is it with you, Tono-sensei?

Tono: More often than not, I have one scene at the beginning, and I start writing based on it. At that time, I do not yet know how the story will develop, I have only scattered fragments, and as they are combined and edited, I am finally getting the feeling that the world of of this work is acquiring its finished form. By the way, I had some trouble coming up with a name for Cultivation, and I was given one piece of advice, do you recall?

Sakurai: Ah, yes, but in my opinion, it was not very good...

Tono: When I asked “How do you come up with names?”, You replied, “It should express the essence, but at the same time cover the whole thing. That word would fit the best”.

Sakurai: Wow, I put it remarkably well. And [I said that] to the future Akutagawa Prize winner, such arrogance. *laughter*

Tono: Even though I didn’t really understand how to apply this advice in practice, I still relied on it.

Sakurai: Cool title, isn’t it? Even though I said there were some disturbing moments when I was reading Cultivation for the first time, I think it read very cleanly. For example: “To my delight, I managed to look great. <…> I just wanted to be beautiful” — here, as it seemed to me, the words are very good - fresh and clear, without unnecessary embellishments.

(2020.09.19)

Sakurai Atsushi, musician. Vocalist Buck-Tick. 66 years of birth. New job: 「ABRACADABRA」

Tono Haruka, writer, winner of the Akutagawa and Bungei awards

END

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letterboxd · 3 years

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Truffle Hunter.

As Pig snuffles its way up Letterboxd’s best of 2021 ranks, Mitchell Beaupre hunts down writer-director Michael Sarnoski for a chat about some of the finer creative points of his Nicolas Cage-starring meditation on cookery and grief.

In a time when audiences know too many specific plot details of films months before they’re even released, the idea of a surprise sensation feels like a fleeting memory. Yet that’s exactly how one could describe Pig, the debut feature from director Michael Sarnoski. With minimal pre-release buzz and no flashy festival premiere, Pig is a film whose status has been created through sheer quality alone.

This is a true word-of-mouth smash, hailed by critics as one of the best films of the year, as well as quickly earning itself a high placement on our Top 50 of 2021. Jacob Knight praises the film as “an existential rumination regarding how people find meaning in a mostly meaningless world”, while Muriel declares it “the most unexpectedly wholesome movie I’ve seen in forever”. Not bad for a first feature.

Written by Sarnoski, from a story he developed with co-producer Vanessa Block, Pig opens on Rob (Nicolas Cage), a loner isolated in the woods with his truffle pig. Rob makes his living selling truffles to the eager and ambitious Amir (Alex Wolff), but when two people break into Rob’s home and steal his animal companion, he must do whatever it takes to be reunited with his only friend.

A rough day deserves a decent vin rouge.

While that setup led many to give Sarnoski’s film the moniker “John Wick with a pig” when the trailer dropped, the story ends up charting a course away from genre thrills and towards something else entirely. Pig is an exploration of grief, loneliness and compassion, featuring one of the finest performances of Nicolas Cage’s illustrious career.

Raised in Milwaukee, Sarnoski and co-producer Block met in college before working together on the documentary short The Testimony, which focused on the largest rape tribunal in the history of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. That film made it onto the shortlist for the 2016 Oscars, putting the two of them on a path that would lead to their breakthrough opportunity with Pig.

Sarnoski spoke with us about the origins of Pig, the long-term impacts of loss in his own life, the joy of hand-cranked pasta and Bruce Springsteen.

Congratulations on the film! How has it felt seeing this outpouring of love coming for your first feature? Michael Sarnoski: It’s been amazing. Everyone who made this movie felt for themselves that it was special, and we all put a lot of care into it. We also knew that it was a risk, a strange film we figured would hit right for some people, but then plenty of others would think it was boring and weird. We’ve been very pleasantly surprised that it’s a small minority of people who feel that way.

What was the seed of the story that would eventually sprout to become Pig? I had this image in my head of an old man in the woods with his truffle pig. There was something sweet and tragic about that. Then I began asking questions about who this guy is and why he’s out there alone in the woods. What’s his backstory? It all evolved from there.

While the first act inhabits that “John Wick with a pig” space that people were perhaps expecting from the trailer, the story then takes a swerve and becomes a somber, thoughtful character study. Could you speak about navigating that unique arc with your storytelling? We never set out to try and subvert that John Wick sort of genre. We knew that we were playing with that lone-cowboy idea of a film and some of those tropes, but we never wanted to poke fun at that or switch people’s expectations in some sense by choosing Nic to star. We never wanted to “surprise” people by making a quiet Nic Cage movie. It was always just about these characters, what this story is, what we’re trying to explore. I think if we had tried to be subversive it would have come off as hokey.

Silence plays a key part in the film, as so much is being said in those spaces between the dialogue and action. How did you want to utilize the impact of saying more with silence? From early on, we always knew it was going to be a very silent film, and that followed all the way through the edit. Some of us wanted that opening to start out the way it’s done in the movie, where it’s totally silent and the music only comes in at the very end, while others were worried that people would get bored with it. The argument against that was that if they’re going to get bored with that, then they’re going to get bored with the rest of the movie. So, we might as well just lean into it, and let them know what it’s going to be.

From there we gauged how we wanted to approach the silence throughout. There’s some beautiful music in the film that Alexis Grapsas and Philip Klein did an incredible job with that allowed us to bring this beauty and splendor into the scenes. But there were also a lot of really quiet moments where we wanted the audience to be focused on the faces of the characters, and really be feeling the space and letting the sounds of the forest, or wherever we were, come across.

Nicolas Cage, his knife skills, and cinematographer Patrick Scola.

Along with the faces, you focus a lot on hands in the film. Whether it’s in scenes of violence or making food, there’s a real emphasis on what hands are capable of. Where did the inspiration for that come from? Nic was very into the idea of conveying artistry through your hands. He spent a lot of time with local chefs to try and get the vibe of how they moved and how they worked. He was always practicing knife skills in his room. I was constantly waiting for the AD to come up and tell me that we can’t use Nic today because he cut off a finger, but thankfully that never happened. Nic really sold that emphasis on the hands. Those shots could have felt empty if it wasn’t for him. I still am surprised watching some of the little hand choices he made.

I remember there was one shot where we didn’t get it on the day. So, we set it up with his stand-in, and just had him wearing his gloves. We all watched it, and it just wasn’t the same. Nic agreed, and so we reset the entire thing just to get that one shot with his hands in there instead. It was totally worth it. He’s an incredible actor, and it comes through every part of him.

Cage is an actor with an almost otherworldly mythos about him, which allows people to sometimes forget what a tremendous performer he’s always been. What was your experience in building a relationship with him, not just as an actor, but also as a human being? I only have positive things to say. That’s not just a gimmick. From the moment he read the script, he was interested, and he really responded to the character. He was committed to bringing the script to life, and was extremely respectful towards everyone on set. He had no reason to respect me. I’m a first-time director. He could have been a total diva. He could have been whatever he wanted to be, and we still would have paid him and been happy with his performance.

He was very kind, and maybe some of this came from the character, but he was also kind of somber and quiet in general on set. At the same time, he can also be very playful and sweet, even though he was trying to remain in the mood of the character. He set the tone, in a way, for the whole crew. A crew could easily look at a first time director and decide to just slack off and scrape by, because I wouldn’t have even known the difference. The fact that Nic treated me and the material with such respect really trickled down, and was so valuable to the film.

We shot the whole thing in twenty days, so if there had been any weak link with someone not doing their job or not being totally on top of it, we would have been screwed. I credit a lot of that to Nic, and him treating this with an incredible amount of professionalism. I think that’s where a big part of his long career comes from. He’s an incredible actor, but he also takes the art form seriously, treating it as both an artist and as this being his job, knowing that you have to do both in order to get what you need across.

Do you have a favorite Nicolas Cage performance? Other than Pig, of course. There are so many incredible ones. I really love Moonstruck. I saw that a couple of years ago, right before we officially cast him, when I was going through some of his ones that I hadn’t seen. Part of it I think is because I’m half-Italian, and I felt like it was showing me a side of my life that I never realized because my Italian family is on the east coast, and we moved out to Wisconsin when I was very young. I never got to be a part of that kind of thick Italian family, and seeing that on screen gave me a taste of what that would have been like. I loved him in that role. He was the perfect balance of sincere and sentimental, and also over the top when he needed to be.

Grub’s up.

Speaking of being Italian, Pig gets deep into the transformative power of food, and of the right meal. Has food always been an important part of your life? Definitely. I’ve never worked in restaurants. The closest thing was when I worked at a snack bar at a summer camp, which was very fun and also kind of a nightmare in its own way. I think most of the importance of food for me came from when my grandma lived with us. It was after my dad passed away, when I was a little kid, and she became this sort of old Italian cook in the house who was using food as this language of love and also as a sort of control. It had a lot wrapped up in it, this sense that we’re going to have family dinners to prove that everything is fine.

I think any Italian family is that way, but especially in that situation, having that presence come into the house when I was a kid, it made food quite charged for me. It was both a form of bonding and love, but also that control. That was very important to me. As I got older she taught me how to cook some things, and I became interested in that. I had a lot of friends who were great cooks and taught me how to do different things. I’m not an amazing cook, but I love cooking.

I love that act of making something that’s about to disappear. I think if you can be okay with that, and put a lot of time and care into that, it’s kind of a therapeutic thing to do. Accepting transience is a big part of cooking.

What’s your favorite dish to cook? I would say over the pandemic I really got into making lasagne. I had my grandma’s old hand-crank pasta maker, so I was enjoying making my own pasta and lasagne with that. I don’t know if I could pick one favorite dish, but that is definitely one that contributed quite a bit to putting on the Covid pounds.

Rob (Cage) and Amir (Alex Wolff) discuss their business relationship.

There’s a scene in the film where Rob and Amir go to a restaurant and Rob has a conversation with the chef there, who used to work for him, about the idea of losing our sense of identity when we give up on our dreams in order to fill this role that society expects of us. Is that something that you personally connected with? Yeah, people ask me a lot about what I think of the high-end cuisine world, and I have to say that I wasn’t trying to solely express that this world is garbage and phony. I was looking at it as another kind of art form. Any time you have an art form that combines someone’s personal passion with some sort of economy there are going to be conflicts to navigate. Whether you’re a painter, director, writer, whatever, those are going to be things you have to juggle. How true to yourself are you going to stay?

For myself, I’ve definitely found that when I try to focus on doing something that I care about, that’s kind of all I have control over and that’s what I should focus on. Pig was that for me. This isn’t the kind of script that you write where you’re expecting a big payday. It’s this weird movie that for some reason really means something to me.

The scene climaxes with Rob saying the line, “We don’t get a lot of things to really care about”. What about this movie exemplifies the things that you really care about in your life? It’s so many things, and even more things came from going through the process of actually making it and falling in love with Portland. It’s become even more than what it was initially intended to be. I mentioned earlier that my dad passed away when I was a kid, and the most personal aspect of the film for me was exploring that idea of what grief does to us long-term.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve been watching how my family members changed the way they interact with the world and built their perception of the world around some aspect of grief. It’s not those immediate effects of shock or sadness. It’s how those things ingrain into your worldview. I became much more conscious of how I was doing that in my own life. That was the deepest, most general thing that I was bringing to it, and that I was exploring personally through the film.

As far as specific things that I care about, I think I have all the classic things. I care about my family, and my friends. I care about the world, which is why this year has been so devastating. I don’t have one single pig. I think we all have a few different pigs in our lives.

Director Michael Sarnoski on the set of ‘Pig’.

Another scene that really stands out is the one in which Rob returns to his old home and sits with this young boy, having a conversation about a persimmon tree that used to be there. Talk to me about the significance of that moment for Rob. One of the things I love about that scene is that it seems so simple, kind of quiet and basic, but it’s getting into a lot of different things. I will say one thing about that scene. That was the first scene that we shot on the first day of filming. That kid was great, but filming with a child on your first day of your first feature was very much a moment of wondering what I had gotten myself into.

That scene does a few things. I won’t get into spoiler territory, but for starters he’s going back to his old house, so it’s his first attempt to really look at his past in the face, and to acknowledge that. I like that in that moment this is also one of the first times that we hear him speak romantically of food, because those things are very tethered to each other.

We get both the sense that there was a past, a personal path that he left behind, but intricately involved in that was how he interacted with food and his art. It’s the first time that we hear him acknowledge who he was in a way that’s okay. He tells the kid his name, and he’s acknowledging his identity that he’s been trying to hide from or ignore. Through doing that, it’s engaging with his passions and how that tethers everything together. I also thought it was cute explaining what persimmons were to a little kid.

I’ve got to ask you about the use of Bruce Springsteen’s ‘I’m On Fire’ in a very meaningful moment. What made that the perfect song choice for that scene? Obviously, who’s singing it is very meaningful. I liked that song, though, because it’s different from the sappy direction we could have gone with that moment. There’s something very passionate about ‘I’m On Fire’, of course, and it’s a pretty sexual song. It’s really charged, but it also has this kind of ethereal quality to it that’s seductive in a non-sexual way. It washes over you, and it feels very mystical. This sounds so “film talk”-y, but I liked that meeting of that transcendent, abstract feeling with that immediate sense of passion and love and obsession.

Finally, what’s the film that made you want to become a filmmaker? Probably Sam Raimi, his first Spider-Man movie. That was the first time I realized what directors do. I had a very strong association with Spider-Man growing up as a comic-book fan, and I was seeing how someone was filtering their own understanding of this character. Raimi coming from his horror background and being into the nitty gritty filmmaking with practical effects and everything, I got this understanding of how a director touches a film and shapes it.

Read more educational books

I think that’s it! I can’t think of anything else right now so these will have to do. I wish that 2021 will treat all of you much better than whatever mess 2020 was! Happy 2021!

Last year’s post: (x)

@the-official-pentacorn @asiandutchgirl

#personal #my 2020 #this year was a wild ride #here's to a better 2021

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ibizastrology · 4 years

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bts’ j-hope: chart interpretation

Hi guys! So I decided to have some fun and take a look at Hoseok’s birth chart. Let’s see what we can find here!

Disclaimer: this interpretation does not include house analysis, since I cannot accurately determine house placements in the chart without an exact and confirmed time of birth.

Please note: this is my personal view of the chart. Some of the interpretations are sprinkled with a bit of my own intuition and experience with certain placements. I am not a professional astrologer and I do not claim that these assumptions are 100% accurate for Jung Hoseok, since I have never met him and never had the chance to ask if my interpretations are correct.

Date of birth: 18th February, 1994 Time of birth: unknown (used standard 12PM) Place of birth: Gwangju (Gwangju-gwangyeoksi), South Jeolla Province (Jeollanam-do), South Korea Birth chart calculator used: Astrotheme Horoscope Chart

List of placements: Aquarius Sun Taurus Moon Pisces Mercury (Я) Pisces Venus Aquarius Mars Scorpio Jupiter Pisces Saturn Capricorn Uranus Capricorn Neptune Scorpio Pluto

Possible Rising (it’s a guess bro): Aries/Sagittarius

Asteroids and math. points (hypothetical): Ceres - Taurus Lilith (Я) - Aries Vesta - Aries Pallas - Pisces Juno (Я) - Scorpio Chiron (Я) - Virgo

Aspects (without AC, MC and minor aspects)

Sun: conjunct Saturn, Mercury and Venus, square Pluto and Moon Moon: opposite Pluto and Jupiter, square Mars, trine Uranus and Neptune Mercury: conjunct Saturn and Venus, square Pluto Venus: conjunct Saturn, trine Jupiter Mars: square Jupiter Jupiter: - Saturn: square Pluto Uranus: conjunct Neptune, sextile Pluto Neptune: sextile Pluto Pluto: -

Interpretation (personal planet placement + strong aspects):

Aquarius Sun: weirdest sense of humor which is definitely Aqua culture because there’s no other explanation as to why we’re like that, might be strengthened by Aries rising (excessive “cute” behaviour, screaming out of nowhere, doesn’t know what’s happening but laughs anyway, basically an obnoxious little bean); square Moon - he needs love and comfort but often puts up a front, puts the “carefree” image he wants to portray over his emotional needs, making other people feel better (Aquarius) seems more important than allowing himself to enjoy good things (Taurus) (I think we’ve all seen that at MAMA with him breaking down like that, the taurus moon /and pisces energy/ snapped); conjunct Saturn - this might be what Yoongi meant when he said that Hoseok wasn’t as cheerful before debut as he is now, this aspect may have made him a bit more pessimistic, aware of the fact that you can’t have everything in life

Taurus Moon: PERSERVERANCE god the things this man has been through... attacked by antis, attacked by solo stans, almost left the band even before its debut but his perserverance helped him get through it, also methodical - he doesn’t just learn all those dances because it’s easy (spoiler: it’s not), but he has his own way of doing things (e.g. his adorable ‘pa pa pa’ instead of counting or dancing bare foot), he knows exactly what he’s doing but it’s more of a “I’ve done it so many times that now I can’t get it wrong”; opposite Pluto - this aspect doesn’t make it easy to open up about feelings, Pluto wants control over what people know, what people are allowed to see and what should be kept secret, and that want is generally driven by fear (however it’s a facade that can be broken, as I’ve already mentioned earlier); trine Uranus - everyone, and I mean EVERYONE feels accepted and understood around Hoseok and I find that to be truly beautiful, how e.g. trainees are all over him, even though he is a strict teacher, because no matter how many times they mess up and he gets angry, he’s still encouraging and supportive and just wants everyone to succeed; trine Neptune - compassion and understanding, also probably one of the reasons behind his passion for music since this is a very emotional and artistic aspect, vivid imagination is quite possible

Pisces Mercury (Я): a natal retrograde makes a planet feel hidden, expressed in a more internal way; good listener, really nice to talk to, can quickly go from soft and quiet to screaming mode (something we’ve all noticed a long time ago), knows how to read people in a way, quite in tune with other people’s emotions; conjunct Saturn - and here we have reached one of the sadder aspects in this chart, mainly because it proves that, even though he may seem carefree and confident, he does in fact care A LOT about what people think of him (boy didn’t avoid doing solo live streams for a year and six months without a reason, pls love him a lot), this is not a hard aspect but it can cause a lot of self-doubt and a need for praise, even if the compliments don’t seem to get to him - he needs them

Pisces Venus: very loving and sensitive, not only towards a partner, but towards everyone, commitment is difficult tho, even if he wanted to settle with someone it would probably take him a lot of time to make up his mind, might be one of those people who want to “heal broken souls” through love, but his patience isn’t unlimited; conjunct Saturn - traditionally associated with loneliness and/or late marriage, but can be interpreted as a cautious approach to romantic relationships, might be an outcome of previous toxic relationships

Aquarius Mars: original, unique, full of surprises, always knows how to get what he wants, actually loves being unpredictible and unusual, very independent, wants to give his partner their freedom as well; square Jupiter - might be very impulsive, reclusive when upset, seemingly moves on easily as an effect of ignoring bigger negative feelings

So that’s it! I might come back to this one day, but for now this feels like enough with the amount of information we have. This took way too long to finish, but it’s done, finally!

I don’t know if I’ll ever do any more of these, but... who knows! We’ll have to find out.

If you got this far this, thank you for reading! I appreciate it a lot <3

#bts #bts j-hope #bts jhope #j-hope #hoseok #jung hoseok #birth chart #birth chart interpretation #astrology #astrological interpretation #my post #mine #I might do more of these #aquarius sun #taurus moon #aries/sagittarius rising

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sabinefm · 4 years

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( bruna marquezine , cis female , peach ) welcome to aida&stefano , SABINA REUBE ! thank you for choosing to stay here. in this form it says that you go by the SHE / HER , you’re TWENTY THREE years old , you’re originally from SAN FRANCISCO , and you’ve been staying here for ONE YEAR . it also says you’re known to be + RESOURCEFUL , but also - SELFISH. that really shouldn’t be a problem though. check in at the front , hope you enjoy your stay ! (the click of heels, hot sand under your bare feet, chocolate covered strawberries, the imprints a bra leaves on your skin, red lipstick staining your fingertips )

ABOUT THE MUN. i hope this email never finds you

hello all, my name is pepper and i have never been on time for anything, ever in my life sdjkdskj this is especially true today, rip. no but honestly, i never thought i would actually get accepted into this beautiful rp so i stalled checking acceptances cause i’m a Scaredy Cat and that made me really late, and then i ended up taking the rest of my coworker’s shift cause she had to go and thus ended up coming home even later than i thought which has made me really really late... BUT against all the odds i’m here! and ready to party! and tell y’all about my bby sabina! but first a little bit about me, i am twenty four (ew), i can’t cook (rip), and i currently spend most of my lonely quarantine days either watching anime or scrolling through tiktok. i am canadian but every canadian that meets me thinks i’m american and i don’t know why. when i was a child i had an irrational (or yk very rational) fear of sharkboy from sharkboy and lava girl, and tbh it has never left me. i was also afraid of gill from kim possible so you can imagine my horror when that fish f*cking movie won an oscar?? when i was younger i also thot god looked like king triton from the little mermaid cause he was white and he had a beard yk. it fit in my little brain. and finally i just recently discovered girl in red and therefore feel like i finally got my bi girl card,,, feeling validated in this chillis tonight. and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about me idk what will. anyways, that’s officially enough about me onto who we’re all really here for, ms sabine!

BIO. the lengths i would go to to both get attention and avoid it... astounding tldr ; daughter of a guy who created a dating site + app, came to a&s after leaving her husband to be at the alter after catching him cheating with her mother, wants to be a bad bitch, sometimes succeeds.

THEN.

sabina came into the world the child of a mediocre stay at home mom and a penniless entrepreneur so it goes without saying that she had very little. her dad had a lot of passion and a lot of drive but no one would really give him a chance, and her mother kind of only married the man because she was expecting him to make it big enough for her to never have to work another day in her life so? yeah she was hella disappointed tbh

but not sabina! she looked up to her father so much as a child. while her mom was kind of ~emotionally unavailable~ her father was too, but like at least he had a dream he believed in, yk? he wanted to help people fall in love and sabine being the big romantic she was as a child had never heard of anything so noble. her daddy was her hero. sabina honestly had big daddy’s little girl vibes until she was like 22 tkjsdkjd

one day when their family credit card got rejected one too many times sabina’s mother called it quits on yk the whole mother gig. she left sabina on a bench outside of the grocery store while she went to go home and ‘get some cash’ which even at seven sabine knew was a damn lie cause they were too broke to have any damn cash. and yeah that was the last sabina heard of her for a long ass time. it was a reverse ‘dad went to get some cigarettes’ situation but just as traumatic honestly.

although not as much for sabine’s dad. that man literally saw his wife leaving him as a minor setback and moved on. he threw himself harder into his work, to the point where sabine barely saw him. this was the start of sabine desperately trying to compete with her father’s business for even a sliver of his attention. this was a battle she usually lost.

sabine raised herself for a while there, since her father yk remarried his job and her mother was following the jonas brother’s cross country. she became both very independent and very lonely for a child, which was an odd combination that both haunted sabine for pretty much the rest of her life after that point and lead her to make most of her worst decisions. but that’s a story for another time, because right when all hope was lost sabine’s father won the lottery. literally.

all at once they were five million dollars richer. they went from nothing to everything real quick. and this marked a change in the reube’s lives in a way sabine couldn’t have even imagine at the time.

sabine’s father hector used the money to fund his business and that shit blew up! he created a site by the name of loveisblind that was in the ring with the likes of match.com and christianmingle yk, one of those dating sites. everyone on loveisblind is set up on blind dates based on the information they fill out on their profile and are only allowed to see each other when they reach a certain point of emotional intimacy. the site had wild success rates, and got very popular, blah, blah, the point was the reubes? suddenly rich af!

and you think that would give hector more time to spend with his daughter right? no. it gave hector the money to hire nannies for his daughter.

yes, somehow despite hector no longer having to work himself to the bone, sabine saw him even less. tragic really. she really became that lonely rich girl trope real quick, and this is what unfortunately got sabine into the habit of seeking the attention she wasn’t getting from her father in other men and women, which she is not proud of.

that unfortunately didn’t fill the void that sabine had but you know what did? making the loveisblind app so her daddy would love her. basically around the time that tinder started gaining traction and getting popular, people stopped going on the loveisblind site and started instead turning to apps. her father was trying and failing to get into that market, and sabina, being yk, actually a lot more intelligent than her father ever gave her credit for, created the app for his site and pitched it to him over his lunch one day. it was honestly one of the first times sabina can remember her father really paying attention to her in the longest time. it was also the proudest she’s ever seen him.

the app was a big success! a whole new generation was using it and finding love, including one ms sabine reube. in the early days of the app launch sabine met her prince charming, christopher ‘kit’ johannson. he swept her right off her feet, and she fell HARD, and when they debuted their relationship it wasn’t long until they kind of became the face of the app?? like sabine’s father was the creator after all, the fact that his daughter found love on the app too was big news for a while. people followed their relationship and strived for something like that for themselves. sabine didn’t know it at the time but they were basically a walking advertisement, and her father was LIVING for that.

fast forward a bit and your girl went to yale for computer engineering and business (did her daddy’s status and money ease the way? maybe man, nepotism am i right) whilst kit went to harvard, they were long distance for a bit before they graduated and kit very publicly proposed (the whole thing was well recorded too, gotta get that gram), and then both sab and kit moved in together and both started working for their families respective companies. it was around then that sabine started to understand just how much and how often kit was cheating on her. it was a real wakeup call.

sabine ended up breaking down to her father about her suspicions, and he basically ended up telling her to suck it up and think of the business. the fact was sabine and kit, the face of their new generation and one of the first successful couples from the app getting married and living happily ever after was amazing for the company. and the two of them calling the whole thing off just because of a little infidelity just wasn’t going to cut it.

now once again, this is where sabine’s deep desire to be loved and accepted really bites her in the ass. this was one of the first times sabine’s father had ever really asked her for anything so... she did it. or at least she did her best to do it. she lasted until the wedding day around the time where she caught kit and her own mother (who she only invited out of a deep rooted need to actually know the woman who gave birth to her again) going at it in the coat closet of their wedding venue. yeah, at that point sabine pretty much snapped, blacked out, smashed a whole wedding cake over kit’s head, and took their honeymoon to venice on her own. she arrived at Aida&Stefano with running mascara in a ruined wedding dress trying to ask about a honeymoon suite. it was a whole mess, but you know what so is sab so at least she was on brand.

NOW.

after sabina arrived she spent about a week mourning her failed almost-marriage and yk, destroyed family before she decided to fuck it all and reinvent herself. she desperately wanted to become someone new, someone unrecognizable from who she was before, even if it was only on the inside. so she cut her hair (the first step to every transformation) hardened everything soft about herself and made the irrevocable decision to become a bad bitch. she (mostly) succeeded. kind of.

sabine basically curb stomped out the soft, hopeless romantic people pleaser in her and decided to become someone more unsympathetic. someone who puts her own needs first instead of burning herself up to keep others warm (cause what good has that ever done her before?). someone who people would be afraid to hurt but who wouldn’t even feel pain anyways. and to sum it up that person is a heartless bitch. or at least she tries to be.

i’m gonna stop here because this is already a lot longer than i wanted it to be and i haven’t even got to the other sections yet rip but you get the point i feel

PERSONALITY. *feels nothing* mmm, don’t like that *feels something but like too much* mmm not a fan of that either

most of this is tbd because i’m still developing her but

VAIN. the kind of girl who will file her nails or check herself out in the mirror while you’re talking to her. will reapply her lipstick in the rearview mirror of her car while she’s driving. checks herself out in any reflective surface, i mean i would too if i looked like bruna but Still

KIND. even though sab tries to be a hard ass she’s probably the most loyal, generous, kind person you would ever meet deep down. like she puts on this persona of being heartless, but if anyone needs her she will be there for them. kind of hates that she’s such a softie sometimes but she can’t help it.

EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE. doesn’t want to be hurt again and will do pretty much anything to avoid that. tries to keep people at arms length especially romantically. loves making friends though, and will indeed spoil them.

HEADCANNONS. who wants to hire me as their maid i’m not gonna clean im just gonna wear a cute maid outfit dust like 6 things and bend down a lot

has the vibes of that drunk rich aunt that’s always smoking like sexily as she looks far into the distance and wears like a super luxurious coat. will gossip with you. will buy you things your mom won’t. will cuss out your toxic father at the dinner table. that’s her energy.

unfortunately actually does smoke. i hate

okay fun fact, the only reason sabine went to university for computer programming and business was because she felt her father wanted her to. she honestly has no real passion for the subject and just wanted to use her talent to make her father as proud of her as he was on the day she debuted that app to him. but now that making daddy proud isn’t like the only thing occupying her entire brain sabine like is like ??? wait what do i actually want to do with my life ??? and it took her a while to figure it out but after a while she fell back on one of her passions, art. she’s actually making a graphic novel aimed towards young adults about a modern day hades and persephone vibe, kind of about a girl who falls in love with the grim reaper and the lengths she goes to to chase after her (yes it is a Lady Reaper) into the depths of hell,,, it’s wild. she’s very proud of it but also kind of shy about it tbh. her go to critic is georgio, because she knows that little shit will be honest and yk what she respects that.

but when it comes to making actual money your girl turns to cam work most of the time, because well. at the very least it’s quick, easy, and semi discreet. and sometimes she gets something out of it too. she figures it’s a win win, and she’s been doing it for about a year now, mostly because she absolutely refuses to use any of her father’s money.

is allergic to cucumber.

has a different 'relationship’ like every week or so, along with a few one night stands peppered in. unfortunately still attracted to people who are bad for her (kit for example was an asshole and a cheater and DEFINITELY conservative like she messed up on that one), but is also very afraid of falling in love again and letting herself get hurt, so she normally doesn’t let things last too long before she starts self sabotaging.

if you ever catch sabine with like... her nails growing out or her nail polish chipped, something is wrong. like something is deeply wrong. sabine will have her nails done in the middle of the apocalypse, the only reason they would be less than perfect is if she is having a breakdown. always has colour on her nails, and usually it’s a shade of red, purple, or black.

always has wild ass stories to tell about her tinder dates or one night stands and will tell them without shame for your entertainment. is a great storyteller honestly, a talent she got from her mother but she doesn’t want to admit that.

fun fact, her mother mariah was PISSED when hector got rich AFTER she left him and tried for years to sue him or something but no dice. she was so angry and vengeful over the whole thing that she took the opportunity of being invited to her daughters wedding to get back at her husband where it hurt, his business. thus sleeping with kit. didn’t really think about how her daughter might feel about the whole thing because she was yk blinded by rage, but that’s just how mariah is so i mean,,, rip sabina.

shops when she’s sad, or happy, or angry, or confused sdkjdsj will use any excuse to shop, and at this point she has more clothes than she knows what to do with. her style can be kind of out there at times, but she will let you borrow things though.

she has a cat named momo. yes that is inspired by her being the peach skeleton. also has a parrot named poe i think. i also have the urge to give her a snake but... i will resist. so sabine wants a snake for sure

her favourite colours are black and red

she is a horrible terrible driver. don’t drive with sabine unless you’re an adrenaline junkie or like want to die tbh

her dad 100% set up the relationship between kit and sabine as a pr stunt, but sabine doesn’t know that yet and when she finds out her father used her like that ooh boy things are gonna get wildt. as it is now sabine just thinks she disappointed him and it’s kind of eating her alive. half the reason she’s staying here is because she doesn’t want to face him or yk her old life anymore. her father is so caught up in the shame she caused him that he hasn’t even tried to call her after the whole thing and the one time sabine got hella drunk and called him all he did was tell her what a disappointment she was and ask when she was coming back to work so we love ~parenting~

WANTED CONNECTIONS. girls will “🥺🥺🥺🥺” their way out of everything

close friends please and thanks, best friends also please, uh, can i get some awkward one night stands that avoid each other at all cost, can i get a neighbour who’s ear sabine is always talking off in the hallway between their rooms even tho they just want to go home but can’t because sabine is Oversharing, maybe a flirtationship, but also i would love an enemy (it could be for a ridiculous reason or a completely valid reason but either way please give it to me), someone she goes out dancing/partying with at piccolo, a sibling like relationship, a confidante, someone who she trusts to read her comic and maybe even do some linework, and absolutely anything else okay my brain is fried rn but i want it all! please like this and i will slip and slide into your dms <3

#ostellointro #me: *sees a nice neat intro at an appropriate length* I Want To Do That #this monstrosity: bitch you thot

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monkey-network · 4 years

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Good Stuff's Best of 2019

WARNING: Just wanted to say cheers to you for making it through another year. I send you best wishes for next year to be fruitful. Thank you, take care out there, and enjoy. (Best of 2017) (Best of 2018)

Dedicated to Russi Taylor, John Witherspoon, Rip Torn, Tartar Sauce, Caroll Spinney, Peter Matthews, and the many of KyoAni lost in the arson incident. You all did wonderful; rest in peace.

Welp, I figured the last year of this decade would be the most chaotic one by far, then again everything peak after 2012. As for now, I am counting down the best cartoons/animations/comics I’ve seen and loved this year in no particular order other than #1. Same rules apply: No sneak previews of future projects, no repeats, and this time anything goes.

Runner Ups: Superman Smashes the Klan, Marvel’s Aero, Infinity Train, Enter the Florpus, Amphibia, Mao Mao: Heroes of Pure Heart, Helluva Boss, Meta Runner, Lego Movie 2, Forky Asks a Question

Anyways, Badda boom bang whiz, let’s do this shizz...

10. Super Mario Bros GT

Nostalgia can be quite a mystery, especially one that can come out of nowhere. Super Mario Bros Z kicked so much ass as a kid that now, it still frustrates me to this that it got a cease & desist from Nintendo, even the reboot from the same person couldn’t last long. But the gods have offered a slight miracle in the form of this new spiritual successor that has heart and soul put into every pixelated frame. There is much to celebrate with Youtube animation, where many say it’s dying due to the algorithm and all of the site’s corporate bullshit, but it’s stuff like this which helps me understand why we should celebrate. Against all odds, channels like Smasher Block willfully put their works out their for the people and continues to because on top of getting a little dough, it’s what they want to do.

9. DC SUPER HERO GIRLS (2019)

Awwwwww yeah, this is She-Ra and the Princesses of Power done right. Diverse female squad, each given a quality screen time to truly shine (Beecher especially) on their which makes the episodes where they’re all together feel earned and joyous to watch. Certainly reminds me of Friendship is Magic, which is coincidental since they were created by the same woman. I’d like to think this and MLP G4 were the answers to Faust’s cancelled project Milky Way and the Galaxy Girls where multiple personalities collide to one extraordinary superhero team of girls capable great feats that are lifted from their insecurities or drawbacks. And on top of this being a fun series to kick back to all around, it’s a comforting, somewhat aspiring thought to consider.

8. JOKER

I am somebody that rarely goes to the theaters to watch a film; you have to hook my tight just for me to even think of buying a ticket, no less plan to. But honestly, Joker was worth the hype, the ticket, and the fact that it wasn’t the incel uprising that buttfuck normies tried to make it out as. It’s lower on the list because in thought, there definitely could’ve been some tweaks to the dialogue and a couple scenes that I felt didn’t work in the long run. But really, this movie to me worked because of the escalation that leads to a cathartic climax and ending that left me in actual tears. I don’t give a shit if it “doesn’t fit”, having Frank Sinatra sing the film's credits put me in shambles. Joaquin Phoenix was phenomenal as Arthur, and this movie felt authentic in its many details. This is definitely up there with my favorite comic book films of all time. Good thing, too, Spider-Man was taking up most of that shelf.

7. TUCA & BERTIE

This series being what I can’t help but say is a spin-off to Bojack Horseman, a show I respect, was enough to pull me into watching it. But it being like Bojack where it’s tight-roping between a bouncy comedy and a grounded drama was what kept me around for more. It is a damn shame this was cancelled after one season (while 13 Reasons Why gets FOUR seasons like what the fuck), because while this did feel enough like a complete series, I was certainly interested for more because I really enjoyed it all. I have my issue with a couple choices in the show, but I am sure this series would’ve addressed them later down the line. I can see why some women would find this personally endearing, it felt like the personal stories of actual people, and it deserved better. Either way, I enjoyed this series and I recommend it just as much as Bojack.

6. PRIMAL

Genndy Tartakovsky is that kind of cartoon creator where you feel he’ll go beyond if you give him the right amount of space. He’s not a perfectionist like John “Dirty Diddler” Kricfalusi, but with things like Hotel Transylvania and Samurai Jack, he certainly has proven to have the range in animation where you know how he plays. Primal showcasing his noted skill in dialogue-less storytelling and dynamic action scenes, able to convey everything clear with its ruthless yet careful protagonist and his dinosaur friend, all on top of the most luscious backgrounds. This is a series that definitely feels like Genndy’s taken what he’s used from his previous works and putting it together for a brutal yet passionate look at the prehistoric life. He truly brought us an adult series to enjoy and to look forward to more in the coming year.

5. SPINEL

Bet you didn’t expect a character to be on this list, eh? Spinel is the best thing to come out of Steven Universe in general; makes me wish she was in a better movie. The crew certainly did their darndest to make her not only an enjoyable and connectable character through and through, but a very versatile character that the fandom could take in any which way. Call it corny, but Spinel perfectly represents SU as a whole: a lovable goof that can certainly mean business but deep down is deserved of a hug because of what she’s gone through. Wish she had a more satisfying resolution in her respective debut, but really it’s the balance between those three elements mentioned that makes Spinel almost eternally wonderful.

4. MOB PSYCHO 100 II

As someone that doesn’t like reading, I’m a firm believer that the best animations or visual medias elevate the writing to a memorable degree; the visuals hook to the point where you want to think about what you saw and how it was conveyed. Mob Psycho 100, for two seasons now, does this in spades where Studio Bones throw them bones in animating one of the most dynamic animes of the modern era, providing the writing and characters a proper chance to flex its muscles. The characters are especially what makes this and MP100 as a whole work so well, the story being about a boy learning to be more sociable as well as emotionally stronger all while helping others understand maturity and empathy. For more on this, I recommend Hiding in Public’s video(s) on Mob. But with the animation, Bones was able to provide a sense of impact and immersion to the moments that matter, not making it an overstimulating mess, and putting some respect on ONE’s webcomic art style.

3. KLAUS

Hands down, this is a great Christmas movie. Take away the animation and you have a charming, wanna say ground and authentic, story about the makings of Santa Claus. With memorable and likable characters, a nice escalation in terms of the plot, and moments that are/can be so satisfying, they can bring you to tears. A couple overdone tropes in the road that doesn’t make this the most perfected story, but those sincerely minor compared to everything else that makes this story the best. Now. Add in the animation, and you have a gold, nay a platinum animated story of the year where the visuals definitely enhance the story to a degree where they’re undoubtedly inseparable. The visuals alone is enough to check this movie out and it’s eye-opening when you learn of how it’s all done. Klaus is a film that did it’s job and then some, and I hope this will be well remembered as a classic holiday film for it deserves that status.

2. BEASTARS

I’ll be fair, I’m mostly referring to the manga and not the anime but since the anime premiered this fall, it counts. Because be it the anime or the series overall, Beastars has such well intricate world building all while offering a little something for everyone (violence, romance, slice of life). The story is well paced and even when we aren’t focusing on the main characters momentarily, Itagaki is surprisingly able to make every supporting/side character we come across memorable in their own way; like I said before, the city is much a character in this story. Oh yeah, and the mangaka is the daughter of Keisuke “Grappler Baki” Itagaki, that in itself is a treasuring bit of trivia for this. Everything about Beastars is enticing and Studio Orange certainly helped in giving this series more of a following.

1. GREEN EGGS & HAM

Well, well, well. Guess Netflix is three for three in terms of bringing its best foot forward among its few steps back each year. The best term to describe this series is surprising. Surprising that this is a Dr. Seuss story that got expanded a 13 episode series, that has fleshed out characters, fun hijinks, an easy story, lovely emotional, more quieter moments... on top of being 2D hand drawn animated. I mean, what else is there to say? Green Eggs and Ham is to Dr. Seuss what Seven was for Final Fantasy, what Friendship is Magic was for MLP, what watermelon was before a nice menthol cigarette. This definitely took the top spot because to me, it was able to bring many good elements from the previous entries and knot it all together into a well kept bow that I never knew I wanted until now. I’m genuinely glad this show got to exist the way it is and I am hoping, praying, that the second season keeps that momentum up.

That leads us to the actual number one which is

1. STEVEN UNIVERSE FUT-

Total Dramarama is now the two time World Heavyweight Champion, babey. Will 2020 give us a quality contender? Will the streak last another year?

Stay tuned, and always seek out the Good Stuff.

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hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger · 4 years

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Abramazing Spider-Man #2 Thoughts

More crap.

Let’s deal out some of the minor positives I have.

The art continues to be nice.

Having a Spider-Man get into heroing via the influence of their love interest is something different for whatever that is worth.

Ben burning the suit only to then immediately regret it was a funny subersion of expectations. It made me chuckle.

The only thing I noted as derivative of older Spider-Man stories was the cliché burning of the costume in the backyard.

The recap page did a good job of catching up new readers. Yes. I’m praising the recap page. Let that sink in.

Okey dokey that’s enough now.

Whilst last issue initially made me vaguely interested before chatter surrounding me converted me into hating it, this issue was more bland and going by through the motions.

The thing is last issue so utterly tainted my (and everyone else’s) experience that I am struggling to look past the fact that this is obviously amateurish and actively deceptive of the readers.

That’s perhaps made me resentful to most of the things in the story, I know I’m probably not being fair and balanced in my approach to it.

But all I can say here is how I felt about the book and how I felt about it was supremely unimpressed.

I want to address some tiny points before diving deeper. So Peter is a super scientist but somehow he couldn’t find or design a camera that would work better for him as a one handed man?

Benny clearly never used the webshooters before and yet he’s swinging around with a degree of experience that doesn’t make sense when it’s literally his first try. Hell he’s even carrying someone while he’s at it.

I also don’t get the passage of time or the physics of the web swinging scene. So they are standing on the ground, he shoots a webline, smash cut to a splash page of them swinging, with the dialogue clearly conveying the latter clearly follows the former. Comic books are sequential storytelling. One scene or sequence should lead into another, in particular when conveying movement. Ron Frenz was a master at this, rarely if ever, were you questioning how characters moved from Position A to Position B. I don’t know if this was Pichelli’s fault or if it was Henry Abrams just wanting a cool shot but it sucks.

The recap page claims that Ben accidentally hit the bully from last issue harder than he meant to, and maybe I’m just forgetting something, but I did not get that impression. So good job telling me stuff about last issue that the story itself failed to convey.

Finally Faye Ito/Ito Faye/Asian Michelle Jones/Benny’s Manic Pixie Dream Girl stereotype collides face first mid swing into a billboard. But she’s fine. She’s not even scratched or banged up? What? Would that have made her less pretty or something? Also I guess that scene was a callback to Spider-Man 2002, but I’m not griping about that.

Let’s move on to the more significant problems with the comic book.

I’m not the first person to point this out, but I think it bears repeating, this comic book feels like a movie, and I mean that in a bad way.

The panelling feels like a fill storyboard more than a comic book, it’s not making great use of the things you can do with the medium or the space provided. You want a great example of the opposite check out the art in Absolute Carnage: Seperation Anxiety #1.

Tied in with this criticism is the idea that the Abrams (well Abrams the younger) have developed this story like a film.

I am going to slightly disagree here. I think it’s more as though they’ve designed this as a prestige TV mini-series with a Hollywood film budget. I say this because the way this issue starts and finishes feels like a Netflix episode more than the second half hour of a movie.

Part and parcel of that was the obnoxiously incremental advancement of the Cadaverous and Peter subplots. Cadaverous spewed random cryptic nonsense that existed more to remind us he existed than actually accomplish anything.

Peter’s job overseas...again, why is he not just a scientist if he’s retired altogether? He’s not even a science photographer, he’s basically a grizzled Jimmy Olsen or something. Peter became a shutterbug because it was convenient, he didn’t really want to do that long term as a career, his ambitions lay in science, a job that if anything would be far more accommodating for his disability than going to dangerous parts of the Middle East to awkwardly snap photos. It’s not even like being a scientist would preclude him from getting away from NYC or his son if that’s the idea. He could be travelling for conventions and conferences. I also don’t get why we needed as many scenes of Peter overseas as we got nor why it bothered to linger on the tragedies experienced by the people there. It wasn’t like it was a lot but it’s panel time that could be put to better use. At best it felt like a pretentious attempt at being deep, at worst it might be set up that plays into the story later. The thing is the Middle East doesn’t really make for great Spider-Man stories, nor indeed most international conflicts.

Getting into the meat of this issue...Faye...fuckign Faye.

She’s a cliché.

In fact lots of stuff in this story is cliché, it’s just that unlike last issue they aren’t cliches specifically drawing from older Spider-Man stories, they’re more general clichés.

The thing that really annoyed me with Faye and Benny’s interactions was that she was obviously being played up as a kind of remixed Black Cat/Catwoman due to her costume. Like she’s supposed to be a bad influence on him or something, exemplified by the fact that she shoots down and subverts Peter’s famous motto about responsibility. It didn’t even make sense. Having responsibility gives you power...what?????????????????????????

Benny himself continues to be bland and boring as a protagonist to follow. Like so much of this story thus far he feels like a typical film or TV protagonist having issues with their Dad and in that regard is just going through the motions. I dunno if I’d call him passive per se, but he’s not too far removed from being passive that’s for sure; but not as passive as Aunt May.

I mean blaming his Dad for abandoning being Spider-Man and his mother’s death. I practically predicted the dialogue from the moment that scene started up and whilst okay it’s never been done in Spider-Man before strictly speaking it’s so generic to countless other forms of media, including other superhero comic books, it’s just banal.

His belief that he is a freak is also questionable, specifically it brings into question the world building of this universe. Were this a world where only Spider-Man existed as a hero (more or less like the Raimi movies) then that’d be fine. Even in a world of mutants that’d also be fine, though you’d imagine mutant acceptance would’ve 10+ years removed from when Peter was active. But so far this version of the Marvel Universe feels very generalized in regards to the MCU.

It’s like the Spider-Man and MJ of this universe were generalized versions of the Raimi films iteration, jammed into a generalized version of the MCU where mutants do not exist and the 2012 Avengers are THE Avengers. But if that’s the world Benny grew up in, why would being born with powers make him jump to ‘freak’? He’s just a superhero, that’s cool in a world where there is no mutant stigma and where the Avengers are revered fallen heroes.*

My final criticism is in regards to the final sequence. It was just weird.

Benny and the civilian he was rescuing had dialogue that was far more casual than the situation demanded. Like dude, you’ve been blown up, buried alive and rescued by a bona fide superhero who’s not been seen in 10 years and now killer robots are surrounding you. Who is that chill in such a scenario? Who goes through all that and at the end basically says ‘lol classic Spidey lol’?????

The civilian also had odd dialogue where it was as though Henry was throwing shade at the premise of the book itself, about how lame an older, disabled Spider-Man with a beard and a kid would be.

But like Henry...YOU came up with that? If you think it’s lame why are you making 5 issues worth of it????????????????

My final point is that whilst the artwork is praiseworthy, it’s also far from Pichelli’s best work. It’s in fact noticeably lower quality than the work she was producing on the 2016 Miles Morales titles or even the debut of that character.

My recommendation?

Don’t read this. If you are truly curious wait for the trade to come out and then buy it as cheaply as possible?

As for me, I’m sticking this out to the end but I’m also going to be saving my money and reducing my order to just one copy and have cancelled my pre-order of the trade.

Ever since Spencer showed up I’ve made a concerted effort to support the spider titles I like and want to see more of (that’s code for the titles featuring MJ) and since last issue deceived me and this issue failed to impress, I don’t want more work like this from Marvel in the future.

*Also I’m going to be pissed if it turns out a chucklefuck like Cadaverous wound up taking out the Avengers somehow. Like really, this clown did them in?

#Spider-Man #Abramazing Spider-Man #j. j. abrams #henry abrams #peter parker #Ben Parker #aunt may #may parker #Cadaverous #mjwatsonedit #Mary Jane Watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker #mj watson

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malachitebeck · 5 years

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Some Thoughts on Miles (ENDGAME SPOILERS)

So it seems to me that the MCU may be hinting at an introduction to Miles Morales given the appearance of his uncle, the fact that there was a five year time jump,and the thematic significance that would have, and in this essay I will…..

Actually write the essay because procrastination is a hell of a drug. Now before we begin let’s get one thing straight right off the bat. I am not going to be debating the merits of introducing Miles Morales to the Marvel Cinematic Universe, nor will I be taking a stand on the MCU’s ability to handle Miles’s character or their track record. I will also not be commenting on whether or not this will have an effect on the Spiderverse film series that appears to be in the works. I will simply be compiling evidence that I feel supports the theory that he will be introduced.

So first, the most concrete evidence we have is the introduction of Miles’s uncle- Aaron Davis aka the Prowler. In Spider-Man: Homecoming, Aaron Davis (played by Donald Glover) is introduced as a minor character in the film. He is certainly not the main antagonist, not even a secondary antagonist, and does not appear to have become the Prowler yet. However, I do believe he will become the Prowler despite the fact that Aaron Davis is the Prowler on earth 1610. Because, if they just wanted to introduce the Prowler, why not make it Hobie Brown as it is usually on earth 616 (which we have confirmation is the earth Spider-Man: Homecoming takes place on because of a recently released clip from Spider-Man: Far From Home)? They clearly made a conscious decision to go with a version of the Prowler that has a distinct connection to Miles Morales. This is supported when Aaron says “I got a nephew that live here” after telling Peter where to find the arms dealers towards the end of Spider-Man: Homecoming. After taking a cursory glance at a map of New York City (I will admit I have never been) and making a few assumptions, we can assume that given the fact Peter is coming from Queens and has just begun searching that the car park where he interrogates Aaron is in Brooklyn. This evidence is fully and outright supported by a deleted scene from Spider-Man: Homecoming where we see Aaron on the phone and he says “I’m sorry Miles… I’m not going to make it”. Here, Aaron and by extension the screenwriters are outright calling Miles out by name. This is definitely the strongest evidence for Miles’s introduction as he is quite literally being introduced.

So, as proven by this deleted scene we at the very least know that Miles Morales seemingly exists in this universe. Now the question is whether or not he will become Spider-Man. He most certainly isn’t in Spider-Man: Homecoming, which is supported not just by his lack of a physical appearance but also by the comics. In the Ultimate Comics: Spider-Man story arc, we see Miles be bitten by a radioactive spider that his uncle accidentally brings back to his apartment after stealing from an Oscorp building. However, Miles elects to not become a costumed crime fighter until he witnesses Peter Parker’s death at the hands of the Green Goblin and decides to act. This is where the Snap and the five year time jump come into play. This is the MCU’s version of the Green Goblin death- with the one and only Spider-Man dying and Miles being ready and able to take over the mantle to defend NYC. Having the time jump not only gives MCU Miles time to be bitten by the spider but also gives him enough time to realize something has to be done and become the new Spider-Man. From the perspective of the writers, this five year gap is the perfect void to have these events happen off screen. Peter has been out of NYC for 5 years after all, and so by extension has the audience. And even if the writers choose to not have Miles be driven by the death of Spider-Man, the five year gap still gives him ample time to grow and mature in such a way that would drive him to fight crime upon Peter’s return. He could have lost his mother, father or uncle as a result of the Snap, and that could shape him as a person. Overall, the writers have several options for a way to introduce Miles that has been opened up by this five year gap.

But why would they want to introduce Miles? They seem to be setting up debut, but why go through the trouble to do so? Also, why are they waiting to show him until after Spider-Man:Homecoming? My theory is that it has a lot to do with Peter Parker’s character arc in regards to mentor relationships. When we are first introduced to Peter it is through Tony Stark. Peter and Tony have a relationship almost immediately that begins as a mentor/mentee situation but expands to the point of Tony being Peter’s father figure towards the end of Spider-Man: Homecoming and throughout Avengers Infinity War. It is because of Tony’s tutelage that Peter is the man (or rather Spider-Man) that he is today, and he will continue to be shaped by Tony know that he is dead. But what does this have to do with Miles? Well I believe in order for this arc of Peter’s to come full circle, it would make sense for him to become someone else’s mentor, to guide them like Tony guided him. And I think the most obvious candidate for that is Miles. It would explain the introduction of Prowler and the reference to Miles rather well and would also allow Peter to transition truly and fully from a “kid” as so many call him to a real father figure to a younger generation of hero. Just like what Tony did for him.

Overall, I think the chances of Miles being introduced to the MCU are rather strong. And while I don’t think he will be making a major appearance in Spider-Man: Far From Home (I think that film will be focusing on Peter’s recovery), I don’t doubt that he will be a major character beyond that film due to the references to Prowler, the convenient five year time gap, and what his introduction could mean for Peter’s character arc. Then again, I could be very wrong about this and just reading far too much into it out of a desire to see a character I like on screen. I suppose either outcome is possible.

#spiderman homecoming #spiderman far from home #spiderman #MCU #peter parker #tony stark #Miles Morales #endgame spoilers #avengers endgame spoilers

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lux-astrorum · 5 years

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so i’ve seen this “bts is racist (most specifically antiblack)” post going around and i...wanted to say some words

first of all, they (and their company, who obviously play a hand in their product and their image) have made a lot of mistakes. especially early on in their careers. they have appropriated black culture. they have said inappropriate/insensitive things. i’m white, and so i can’t relate to how black people may have been hurt by their past words/actions, but as a woman, i have to come to come to terms with the fact that they’ve said a lot of misogynistic things as well and openly joked about engaging in behaviors i don’t support (cough cough watching porn cough cough).

secondly, i’m sorry on behalf of our fandom that so many people treat bts as literal perfect angels who can do no wrong. whatever bts themselves have done/said may hurt, but i’m sure it also hurts even more when most of their massive following literally blindly idolizes them and cannot acknowledge their flaws. celebrities are humans too, and no matter how “perfect” they may try to keep their image, they make mistakes like any of us, yet so few fans are willing to see that.

that said, i did want to say a few things. as someone who has lived and taught in Korea for over a year know, I’m here to tell you: this country as a whole sucks ASS at international awareness, supporting minorities, and general social issues education. bear in mind, even in Seoul, it’s mostly a homogeneous society, at least ethnically. even so, the sensitivity to social, particularly multicultural, issues is pretty abysmal. for example:

-i don’t even own a tv but i went on a trip here and we had a tv in the room we were staying at and were just flipping through channels and saw blackface on a variety or comedy show. this is the year 2019

-the south korean president himself has greeted foreign rulers & dignitaries in the wrong language on his recent Asian tour (more of a gaffe than anything but still demonstrates that this unawareness and lack of care about other cultures penetrates to a very high level in politics and society)

-hey remember when Blackpink took some heat for imitating tribal yells in “Boombayah” a few years back? well apparently koreans still don’t have an issue with that bc literally my first day of teaching last year the 3rd grade teacher puts on a video of the song “10 little Indians” and had the kids imitate tribal yells as part of the song. i didn’t even know how to respond

so there’s a few takeaways from this: most importantly, bts themselves were likely not educated, perhaps at all, on any of these issues growing up. i’d hazard a guess that seoul does a slightly better job than anywhere else in the country since it has the most representation of the international community, but even seoul is awful and NONE of the bts members grew up here.

which brings me to my second point: as far as my memory and understanding goes (i’ve only been involved in the fandom since 2016, i don’t know every single thing there is to know about bts, and i didn’t check all of the specific things the op of that post mentioned) most of the relevant insensitive words/actions occurred earlier in their careers. bear in mind that in 2013 when they debuted, most of the members were still teenagers - jin, born in dec 1992, would have been the oldest at 20. all i know is before i was 20 i still held a lot of really trashy religious/social/political views too and wouldn’t have hesitated back then to say a lot of things that I now realize could be insensitive at best and hurtful at worst. but i’ve since stepped back, listened to others, educated myself a bit better, and i’m always trying to work toward being better & understanding others more.

which brings me to my final point: i’ve been in the fandom long enough now to see bts gradually enter the mainstream entertainment/fame scene, and even since then i’ve noticed they’ve made efforts to be more culturally aware and sensitive. the most poignant example that comes to mind now is when they first performed at the BBMAs in 2018, they changed all the lyrics to “Fake Love” that included 내가 (”nae-ga,” I) and 네가 (”ni-ga,” you), just to avoid any possible misunderstandings that might arise from a primarily non-Korean-speaking audience. (I mentioned before that as a woman I have to deal with the fact that bts once released songs like “War of Hormone,” the lyrics of which sadly perpetuate misogyny and rape culture - BUT, bts would later go on to release “21st Century Girl,” the entire “Love Yourself” series, and “Boy With Luv,” titles that show us a developed, thoughtful, mature, educated view on women’s inherent dignity/value and true love.) i’m just word vomiting onto this post so i’m not going to include a general list of evidence, but it does seem like, especially once bts started getting exposed to the international community and traveling and collaborating frequently outside of korea, they have made a lot of conscious effort to grow, mature, educate themselves, and be more careful about their words, actions, and overall message.

is bts perfect now? no. some of you may recall recently (ok maybe not recently....but like, within the last year) some controversy over jimin wearing a korean streetwear shirt that had Korea’s independence day printed on it with an image of an atomic bomb explosion. yeah, maybe not his most shining moment as a person. (but AGAIN, i can vouch that most koreans wouldn’t have a problem with that at all, in fact the shirt sold out shortly after the controversy arose, bc lots of koreans in my experience are constantly looking for ways to give the middle finger to japan. but i digress). the POINT is, no member of bts ever was, is, or will be perfect or completely pure and unproblematic. that’s just life. but i think their image and music have come a long way in trying to promote something positive, and that’s something to be acknowledged.

to conclude:

1) i do not know bts personally as people. i am aware that idols qua idols are first and foremost a carefully constructed image designed to make money. that said, my impression of bts is that their words, actions, and product were sometimes insensitive, and as a result hurtful, more frequently early on due mainly to a lack of proper education and awareness (same as korea in general), as well as the fact that they were still young and immature, and of course flawed human beings. however, my impression is also that they’ve never intentionally tried to be malicious or hurt anyone, and that they’ve made sincere efforts to educate themselves and do better going forward.

2) bts having said/done racist, misogynistic, etc, etc things IS a problem. but it’s not a bts problem, it’s a nationwide korean society and education problem. and the fact that so many bts/kpop fans refuse to see this problem makes it a WORLDWIDE problem. we can all do better to be more sensitive to others and be more careful with our words/actions, and we can all do better about not blindly elevating people as though they’re perfect and trying to point-blank defend everything they do even if it’s obviously wrong.

3) people are people. we make mistakes. we do/say hurtful things. sometimes it’s innocent ignorance, sometimes it’s willful ignorance, and sometimes it’s just plain malicious. those things do hurt, but please give people room to learn & grow after their mistakes.

#i kinda hate that i felt a need to write all this out but #i just wanted to share for my followers what my stance is #and i didn't want to reblog or hijack the original post #if you've seen it you've seen it #ps if you're black/other minority and you've been offended or hurt by bts or the fans you are valid!!#but i hope this post can explain my perspective of why i still enjoy their content even though i'm aware of the mistakes they've made #blehhhhhhhh why did i write this why am i about to post this #//#bangtan #bts #personal

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americanaprince13 · 5 years

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Understanding the Mind of a Swiftie: A Raw & Personal Memoir

Taylor Swift: (awesome) A jewel of a human being!

I'm just another stan that has stood strong and proud against all criticism since I was thirteen.

Being a first-generation and multi-racial immigrant child made it extremely hard to fit in. An introverted outcast with a deep mind and a joyful heart, I traipsed through school in solitude. I was too "American" to be accepted by the minority clicks at school, too foreign to relate to contemporary pop culture, and too kind of a nerd with the social confidence of a sloth that made it hard to make friends. It was towards the end of junior high that I started to realize I was gay. Every day I felt and knew I was alone, every day I struggled with my sexuality, every day I felt pressured to fit in, and despite going through all of this at school, every day I dreaded leaving school to an unstable home.

My little sister and I had bunk beds in our room, and every morning I would wake us up by turning on the tv to music videos on VH1. One winter morning as I dug deeper into my covers feeling the weight of the earth pushing against me telling me to stay in bed, the sound of a soft acoustic guitar accompanied by a beautiful, gentle voice pierced my ears. I opened my eyes and turned to watch the music video and saw one of the most beautiful girls I had ever laid eyes on. I attentively listened to the lyrics. Each word piercing my every bone giving me a sense of belonging, understanding, empathy, support, love, sadness, hope, and happiness. I knew very well what it was like to not fit in, to walk the hallways wishing I was better looking, more outgoing, and have no accent - with a deep longing to be accepted. In a period of sexual identity, the lyrics to "Tear Drops on My Guitar" were my unspoken feelings. Unknowingly, Taylor Swift created a haven for me to escape to where I felt understood, accepted, and most importantly - happy.

No other singer can capture the raw emotions - good and bad - that we all go through better than Taylor. She has been able to do this by opening up to the world making herself vulnerable which filled a supportive social void I didn't have growing up. To me, each album was a safety net and an escape into happiness from my real life. I have had teachers, friends, and mentors that were intervening angels in challenging times but through circumstances out of my control, none ever stayed. In a very fragile, unstable, unpredictable, and scary life, Taylor's music was the closest thing I had to constant love, friendship, and happiness.

@taylorswift may never know the immense impact she's had in my life, but until I take my last breath, I will forever be grateful for being authentic, vulnerable, and pouring her heart out into her art. Her approach and artistic creations came at her own expense which put her in a very dark place, and nothing makes me happier than seeing her face filled with extreme joy, energy, and positivity as she begins a new chapter with us.

Fast forward to today, and I find myself living with never-ending political threats to my wellbeing and livelihood, being medically treated for anxiety and depression, experienced a traumatic breakup, lost my grandmother, and working 10-12 hour days while going to school full-time; this year has been the most defying year of my life. Once again, Taylor Swift gave me happiness and an environment where I could leverage on positivity and self-acceptance helping me keep my head above the water and not losing hope. It is because of her that I'm rising through the ashes and scars of my past, slowly moving in the direction of the light ready to take that step and let it go. And as I rise above, so we begin a new chapter, a new era, whose theme and motif couldn't fit more perfectly into my life.

In preparation of her debut performance of ME! at the Billboards Music Awards, Taylor's interview with Beats 1 was released on Apple Music today. As she always does when in front of a camera, she talks about us, her fans. Taylor says that the kind of aesthetics for the music she makes is a reflection of how she feels as a person. Unapologetic, raw, and vulnerable is how I would describe her craft and even in the dark stage that she was in while creating Reputation she never yielded to superficiality and gave us truth to power. Taylor attributes her resurgence and excitement in making new music to her fans explaining that every night during the tour she would see so much "love and care" looking out into the crowd. The way Taylor explains what we, the fans did for her through Reputation is exactly what her music and she have done for me in my dark times. And I know many of you reading this would wholeheartedly agree and relate to what I am saying here. Although she describes Reputation to have weaponized songs, she adds that along with them are the songs telling the real story of the album. The story of "love and real friendship and finding those things amongst feeling very misunderstood in your life."

Taylor Swift will forever be my favorite artist, performer, role model, philanthropist, businesswoman, goofball, inspiration, a source of motivation, happiness, self-love, and compassion, a puurfect hooman and friend. I thank her for being herself throughout the years and admire her strength in unapologetic being herself despite all the criticism. As we turn the page onto this new chapter, I wish every single Swiftie and non-Swiftie out there real love, friendships, and happiness. May this era create the level of joy and happiness Taylor's music has given me throughout the years.

Always remember you are the only one of you and that alone is AWESOME!

With a splash of orange love - Adrian

Taylor Swift - ME! (feat. Brendon Urie of Panic! At The Disco)

@taylorswift @taylornation

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jira-chii · 5 years

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Thoughts on the Shoumetsu Toshi Anime before it even airs

The Shoumetsu Toshi anime will air in April 2019, which fills me with both excitement and trepidation...

Warning for long post. And a bit of language. I may have spoiled the bare minimum of the game in order to explain why it is awesome. There are no spoilers for the anime because it doesn't air until April 2019.

NB: This whole post is my own personal opinion. I don’t claim to be an expert in anything anime or game related. In fact, I don't play many mobile games at all, and usually steer clear of anime adaptations of such games because I know how shit they can be. I sincerely hope Shoumetsu Toshi will be different because of the quality of the writing. Also yes I am very biased. And passionate. And this whole thing is written on the assumption the producers actually want to make this anime good and worthwhile, rather than just a quick money-grab. I just have a lot of feelings about this ok.

During Shoumetsu Toshi’s fourth year anniversary, one of the projects announced was an anime! I'm sure everyone playing knew this was going to happen eventually. After all, the game has an all star cast of seiyuu, an amazing storyline, and has been marketing itself for quite a while now (collabs, live concerts, CDs, keychains and more). I have no doubt Shoumetsu Toshi has the potential to become an amazing anime if done correctly, but it will face many challenges on the path to adaptation. Here are some of them.

Too many tamashii

One of the game’s greatest strengths also becomes one of its greatest barriers to adaptation. Shoumetsu Toshi has done an amazing job at creating a huge community of characters (like, an actual city). We get to see their stories unfold and their characters develop bit by bit through various events and quest stages. Within the game, we meet characters that are strong and inspiring, characters with complex relationships, characters that are good-natured and goofy, characters with tragic pasts and so much more. There are characters with stories in this game that will tear your heart to shreds, stories with plot twists nobody saw coming until years later, and stories that were so impactful I had to write a 3000 word essay on it before I was satisfied.

Unfortunately, the anime cannot afford to invest the same amount of time and effort in its characters as the game does. Though we love them, including too many would be detrimental because 1. It wouldn’t fit the tone the anime is going for, 2. There's actually no point because the majority of these don't affect the main story whatsoever and 3. They won't be developed enough for first timers to become invested in them. Especially the ones with more serious stories.

The producers will need to carefully choose which characters to include: characters that are not only distinct and easy to invest in, but will actually contribute to the plot and make the time getting to know them worthwhile. Because one of the worst things an anime can do imo, is bring in a character nobody is invested in, who contributes nothing to the story, has zero character development (i.e. their character is based completely on cliches and tropes) but also gets about 200% more screen time than any other side character, because there is the assumption that they’ll be popular based on their character design alone. That is just lazy writing and is disrespectful not only to the audience, but also the character (I don’t care if they’re fictional, good characters deserve respect too).

I fear there is a very real danger SPR5 could become that. The in-game idol group got a real world debut, and, while I don’t mind seeing promotion in an anime (we live in a capitalist society after all), they shouldn’t contribute much to the overall story, and I will be very disappointed if the anime give them more screen time than they need purely for the sake of marketing.

Complex storyline

If there is one thing I absolutely don't want this anime to get wrong, it’s the story. The Shoumetsu Toshi main storyline is frickin’ amazing. It is an epic quest that spans four worlds, involves characters literally jumping through space and time, and breaks the fourth wall in the creepiest way possible. The creativity that comes with that is my absolute favourite thing about the game, however I acknowledge some heavy changes would need to be made to make it fit the traditional anime format…

I have heard the anime will be an original story, however the PV suggests it will still retain key plot points from the game. Contrary to my general opinions regarding anime-original content, I think this is the right way to go. I think fans innately despise original stories in anime adaptations for one of two reasons: the story will either be too complex for non-fans to enjoy, ruining the reputation of the series, or the story will be too watered down in order to appeal to said non-fans and consequently lose much of what made the original actually great. Achieving harmony is an incredibly difficult balancing act, and part of this involves the series living up to its own greatness. Which very rarely happens. If Shoumetsu Toshi goes for a retelling of say, World 1, it is invariably going to be compared to the original. Also it becomes predictable for anyone far enough into the game. If the producers do want to go the extra mile and make it worthwhile for the OG fans (which is nice in theory but, admittedly, unlikely), they would need to add some meaningful original content that still retains the essence of what makes Shoumetsu Toshi, Shoumetsu Toshi. That is, it retains the same themes and atmosphere, conveys a similar message, keeps all the characters appropriately in character...basically anything that would not feel out of place if it were to be inserted into the original. Luckily for us, Shoumetsu Toshi writers have loads of experience with this. I am talking, of course, about the mountain of ranking quests, side stories and events.

I will admit not every single minor story in Shoumetsu Toshi is fantastic, particularly many of the ranking events, which usually only allow about three stages to tell a story focused on one character. However, what I think the game does do very well in respect to these short ranking stories (and many other events and side stories open to lower level players), is make them accommodating to both old and new players. This is usually achieved by including Easter eggs and hints to a greater plot for the former, while keeping the actual main story for that particular quest straightforward and accessible for the latter. This strategy avoids alienating newcomers and will be absolutely vital if the anime is aiming to appeal to a larger audience, namely the international one who are mostly not even aware of the game. Failure to adhere to this strategy is also partially why many anime adaptations of games have such a shitty track record. They try to pack in too much, usually by explaining multiple complex concepts without devoting enough time to see them properly work in action. The story might take a backburner in favour of the more technical stuff, leaving newcomers confused and bored. Then when it’s time for the climax, nobody actually understands what is happening on screen. “Just play the source material”, actual fans will say, but really, unless the premise or characters appealed to me, how likely am I to invest even more time into a game if I thought the anime was boring as hell?

I do not think Shoumetsu Toshi will be able to showcase its full potential in one anime season. But if the goal of the anime is just to promote the game, there is no need to. If the goal of the anime were to be an actual good anime though, I think the creators would need to take the same approach as the game does for its stories.

Shoumetsu Toshi’s most epic moments are its unpredictable and creative plot twists. The amazing thing is, they don’t just come out of nowhere. This game’s strongest stories are the long ones that build up gradually to spectacular and emotional climaxes, which are possible because characters are given ample time to establish their values and motivations. This helps us as an audience better understand important plot points without the story having to beat us over the head about it, allowing the game to weave a subtle yet sophisticated narrative that actually makes total sense by the end. This means the story needs to be planned out from the very beginning, and will need some time for setup. Which means it won’t truly shine until the metaphorical ‘late-game’.

Stories like these are at a disadvantage these days because, especially with the Internet giving us so much more choice, a lot of anime watchers now tend to drop a show if it fails to impress them from the very start. After about three episodes, the audience should have a good feel for the anime’s main characters, setting and a hint of the main plot. If by then, absolutely nothing about the series appeals to you, you would start to think there are better things you could be doing with your time. Unfortunately, sometimes a show just needs a long time to set up a good story (or sometimes producers dick around too much with filler episodes).

On top of probably needing a slow start, the Shoumetsu Toshi anime is at another disadvantage in respect to one type of audience, because the game does not have an English version. Which means a lot of the Western anime audience will have had no prior interaction with it and don’t know what to expect. They have no idea who the characters are, what the story is, and why its fanbase considers it so much more than just another gacha game. We just have to hope the anime is compelling enough in the beginning to ‘hook’ these newcomers, and make them stay on board long enough to make their time worth it...

A good Shoumetsu Toshi story needs to take risks. I hope to God nobody at that studio makes the executive decision to ‘play it safe’, because the last thing any fan wants is a disappointing anime adaptation with a mundane story even a non-fan wouldn’t be able to enjoy.The writers need to be given complete autonomy and trust to fully realise their creative vision, because that is exactly what is needed if this adaptation wants to use Shoumetsu Toshi’s biggest drawcard to its full advantage.

Animating exposition

This is a pretty minor thing compared to the other two I mentioned previously, but the most iconic thing that sets an anime adaptation apart from the source material is, well, the animation. Visuals and animation are probably the biggest things influencing a new audience’s first impression. Unfortunately, the PV portrayed some pretty lacklustre animation for Madhouse standards and I don’t think people were that impressed.

Good animation is time-consuming and can actually take quite a lot of effort on the part of the director (not that I have that much experience to speak to). Where to place characters in the shot composition, when and how far to zoom in for a close-up, how to best direct movement for maximum impact, but also keeping the scene direction consistent enough that the audience can still understand what is happening on screen. Dynamic scenes are hard enough, but on the other end of the spectrum, how do you animate a static character reciting an information dump in an interesting way?

Shoumetsu Toshi has a lot of talking. It's just something that comes part and parcel with a game of this format. In the game it's alright because you can read at your own pace, and it's important information. Plus they usually keep you engaged by switching up characters’ facial expressions (Shoumetsu Toshi 0 does this in spades) or by distracting you with the stellar soundtrack. I expect the anime is also gonna have a heap of exposition. I mean, from the PV alone I already see at least three expositional characters: Geek, Eiji and Kikyou.

Personally I think expositions are the hardest things to animate. And I don't mean difficult to actually draw and turn into animation, but to actually direct something like that in a satisfying way takes brain power. There are an infinite number of ways to animate characters talking, ranging from the super boring still-image-with-moving-mouth-flap, to using dynamic camera angles to keep the composition interesting, or overlaying a montage of some sort to visually convey the message without having to look at a static character. The game provides only a generic idea of how the scene might play out when animated. While this opens the door to a heap of creative possibilities, I’m concerned that if it comes down to time and budget, or if someone gets lazy, it is very likely we could end up with one hella boring sequence of exposition. Which could be a serious problem if the action scenes aren’t able to impress.

Ahh, you guys have no idea how much I want this anime to do well. There's just so much potential there.

In my opinion, traditional anime can be seen as an incredibly limited medium that must, in the span of about 12 episodes, tell a good story to its audience, invest them in its characters, and keep them engaged for half an hour each episode through pretty visuals/cool animation. If they can’t do that the audience will probably drop the series because they a) get bored, b) don’t care, and/or c) fall asleep. This also means a good anime can’t afford to sacrifice story for character development or vice versa. They need to happen concurrently.

It is not easy to make a good anime, and even more difficult to make one that lives up to the hype of its very amazing source material. As a general rule of thumb, I keep my expectations of game adaptations low, and that is what I said to myself when the Shoumetsu Toshi anime was announced. But then one day I got linked a Shoumetsu Toshi drama CD, and I was blown away by how well they did it. The title is The Vanished Elephant, a literary reference to Murakami's short story of the same name. I'm trying not to spoil but basically, the CD fully utilised the fact we can't see the characters (but can hear them) to craft a mysterious original story with a wonderful plot twist. It works just as a stand alone story, but actual players who are familiar with the characters and motifs immediately get that sense of unease at the very beginning, which is finally paid off with the reveal at the end.

Thanks to that, I can't help but be excited for the anime. If they do fuck it up, I won't be surprised but I will be very, very, sad.

If you have read this far, thank you so much for your time. If you are unfamiliar with Shoumetsu Toshi, could I ask you to please give this anime a chance? And if after its run, it does turn out shit, by all means, complain to your heart’s content (because I will be doing the same).

#shoumetsu toshi #anime #analysis #long post #afterlost

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lordsicheng · 6 years

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a (not so) mini astro analysis: kim samuel

*I will only base this on his personal planets (sun-mars) and a couple of aspects I have noticed that are showing / have shown throughout his activities in the industry. It’ll be unlike my other analyses because I want this to be direct to the point but also informative at the same time. Please take this with a grain of salt since I am no expert and everyone might not relate to him if they have the same exact placements.

Sun in Capricorn, Moon in Pisces

This part will be quite long.

This combination shows that he is truly one of those hardworking individuals who have big dreams, and I mean big. He imagines himself doing so many things for his future and takes every step to get to success. Being a Capricorn himself, he already showed us how much effort he puts in with whatever he does and, in comparison to those who are around his age, he shows himself as quite mature both in thought and action.

His moon sign shows that even with all of the qualities of a Capricorn™ in general, he is a softie deep down. He is affectionate and sensitive to those around him, especially ones close to him. He truly has a big heart and will make any effort to help anyone who asks of his help. Sometimes he might even think of others before himself, which he needs to take care of because if he goes too far he’d end up being too much of a giver and could forget his own needs. He can get quite emotional too, but he restrains himself because he doesn’t want to be seen as vulnerable.

That’s where his Capricorn sun comes, he disciplines himself and even challenges himself by juggling on things he wants to face while still young. He wants to get ahead on his future because there are so many things he wants to learn and do, even if he fails. Failure is a huge no-no to him. In fact, he sees this as a lesson to himself in case he were to do those things again or switches to another. Even though he might seem quite “cloudy” for many, he’s got good common sense. Actually, great common sense.

However, seeing his chart he has quite a minor aspect that could be a little troubling on the way. He has sun biquintile moon. Biquintile is one of the more minor aspects (major ones are like those conjuncts, squares, etc) and is considered a quite more tense aspect that’s close to a square. He could have trouble expressing his emotions and what he really wants, which I can see because Capricorn and Pisces have obvious differences in traits itself.

Examples of this would be, unfortunately I have to mention this, the fall of 1Punch and the finale of Produce 101 Season 2.

Take in mind also that I am only explaining what had possibly happened to him and possibly how he felt, rather than what really did. I’m no fortune teller.

(what a cutie let me squish???)

Let’s go with the sudden disbandment of 1Punch. Jaewon established himself as a very talented rapper after Show Me The Money and became widely popular. This also led others thinking of what would happen to Sammie whilst 1Punch was indefinitely put to hiatus because of Jaewon’s activities AND move to YG-- I’m likely sure Sammie knew this was coming. He probably already knew 1Punch wouldn’t work out. He probably already knew Jaewon wasn’t satisfied with the idea of the duo or even wasn’t happy with the music he was making.

Because honestly, it’s unfortunate that they had to disband, but they possibly had no other choice. And because of this, many people felt that Jaewon betrayed Sammie to join SMTM and YG. I’ll be honest, it’s slightly possible. It was all sudden, and with the reaction of their fans I’m pretty sure Samuel may have had thoughts of disappointment to not only the whole outcome, but also to himself. He felt very sad and very hurt from the result, but had no other choice but to move on. Pretty sure Jaewon didn’t mean to even leave Samuel and had talked to him beforehand about their plans, even with their company.

My opinion on this is neutral and I am sure Samuel just went on with the plans Brave Brothers had for him even though it took a while. I felt really sad that Samuel had to go through training again, but what can we do. Many people still thought he was too young to take on adult-like challenges when he debuted. So I’m likely sure Samuel promised himself that he can do many more things to improve when he grows older and learns more. He just strived and strived until he felt like he was it was time (or if Brave Brothers did).

Produce 101 Season 2 was a big step for Samuel. People were already aware of his (unfortunately failed) debut. But they saw him as competition-- he was already exposed to the hardships and struggles in the entertainment industry. So when Samuel was seen, other trainees probably saw how much he had matured both physically and mentally compared to the young child they saw during 1Punch. He had learned so many things whilst out of the spotlight (no pun intended he released a song titled Spotlight before broduce badum tss LISTEN TO IT IT’S FUN sorry silento but no).

He wanted to show that he was capable of doing many things even though he’s still young, like I said. So joining the show itself was a very overwhelming thing for him. We’ve seen him grow, we’ve seen how competitive he was, we’ve seen how hardworking he was, we have even seen how people saw him as competition because he had so many talents up his sleeve, even ones that other’s can’t do. He had the drive, he’s a quick learner, he knows how to build up the atmosphere. All of that, despite his, again, young age.

Let’s get straight to the point-- the disappointment was obviously seen in Samuel’s reaction when he didn’t get into the top 11. He felt vulnerable yet he really didn’t want to show how hurt he was to many people, especially his fans. Many were so expectant for him to be able to get into the lineup as he had always been consistent with his ranking within the top 11. But the result immensely broke his heart and reminded him of how 1Punch ended. He might have thought he had failed yet again despite all the hard work he had put just to be able to be active in the industry again. This hurt both his pride and ego, but again, he didn’t want to show it to everyone. He cried, he obviously did. It broke our hearts.

Now before you think about why I am explaining this, is because Samuel’s sun and moon combination makes him slightly psychic but nervous. He might have had many thoughts of

“What if I can’t get in the top 11?”

“No... I must think positive! I need to show I’m strong and confident. I got this.”

“But something inside me still thinks otherwise...”

This is common for those with tense aspects to their sun and moon. The sun shows our ego, how we want to show ourselves to the world. The moon represents emotions, what keeps us on the down low, what he truly feel. In Samuel’s case, he might’ve had trouble trying to express himself fully at times. He wants to show he is strong, but inside he could be slightly much of a worrier than anyone thinks.

In his mind it’s like a battle where he gets confused easily on what he needs to show. He’s determined, but also nervous. He’s hardworking, but also slightly a pessimist. He can get things done, but he gets all worried right after of the outcome. This is common for everyone, even out of astrology-wise, but to him this could be slightly frequent especially since he’s working in a very harsh industry at a young age.

But actually, this could actually turn into a more positive note for him! He felt that even though he could not get into the top 11, he’d believe he also felt like he had time to do things that he wanted. He maybe also wanted to challenge himself again. To this, he gained even more independence and possibilities of many endeavors may have popped inside his mind.To sum it all up, he saw the outcome of the results as a challenge to a new start. And he loved the idea of it.

Let’s look at the very bright side: he debuted, even had a couple of comebacks right after, gone into variety, did some hosting, even had a concert-- ALL on his own.

This is a very positive thing for him and in comparison as to how he was being strained from doing many things and I think he was given even more freedom this time by his company through his hard work and persistence. He showed how capable he was of doing many things along the way after Produce 101 so of course, all the blessings have come to him. I feel like he’s definitely more comfortable now

Some other traits he can get from this combo is that despite all of this, he remains humble. That’s what I admire about Samuel-- he’s hardworking and definitely has many things to be proud of especially with his achievements in his age, and yet he remains very humble to anyone and everyone. He doesn’t show off, but when he does, it’s really out of his own understanding and achievement. His kindness his pure, he is softhearted himself, and he’s very likeable. He has a sense of knowing things quickly but he’s also innocent. He can definitely adapt easily to environments even though he’s quite shy in the beginning, learning along the way is what makes him feel more comfortable and blend in.

I see a very, very bright future ahead of him. This is only the beginning and he’s still young, so I’m sure he’s gonna take up so many challenges, especially ones that catch his eye. Pretty sure he’s gonna be very successful along the way.

Mercury in Aquarius

Another placement I love from Samuel. He’s creative, sensible, but also goofy! He probably has a lot in his mind and majority of them are conventional ideas, like future endeavors and always thinks forward. He loves getting new ideas out of the blue and always tries to show it (this depends on his rising sign as well, especially if for example he has an idea for a future concept + wants to explain it to his company). But he’s also likely stubborn (Aquarius is fixed) at times if people don’t appreciate his efforts in his ideas, nonetheless he goes on and just embraces new ideas and opinions from others to reformulate the ones he already has. Can also be impatient, sliiightly inconsistent as it is sometimes.

Logical, objective, straightforward thinking. If he has one thing on his mind, he’s likely set to that thing and focuses on it without hindrances. He’s got sense of loyalty on anything he wants to put focus on. This also shows how he is a quick learner and is able to understand things easily. This is such a good placement for Sammie because he is also open-minded and innovative, people would be very appreciative of his unique and eccentric mindset. Heck, I wouldn’t even be surprised if he believed in aliens at some point.

I’ve met a couple people with Aquarius mercury and what I’ve noticed is that they have a very unique sense of humor. They can even be funny without even trying! Sometimes even their actions that seem like their usual self are what makes others find it humorous. Let’s be real, we see him overexaggerate at times (look at that gif up there). Yet we see this as funny or even adorable of him. There can be times where we see him restrict himself from doing so (his Capricorn sun is a square to Aquarius, his mercury sign, but it is not shown in his chart / the orb is not enough for a tight aspect). Nonetheless, I think his progressive mind is very compatible to his straightforward sun sign.

Venus in Capricorn

He’s got a very good mindset and definitely has determination. He craves to get the best out of everything he does, so he’ll put effort on that goal without worries. He’ll strive on getting on that goal, and he will always make sure he’s gonna succeed. He’s a go-getter, so he’d definitely make sure he can get things right. With his Aquarius mercury that is much of a quick learner, he’s gonna be fast moving on his goals and he’d probably get there faster than anyone else. Even with his ideas, he’d put effort on making them into reality. He’s also dependable and responsible, very nice traits to have especially in his area of work.

Considering all of this, our Sammie is likely the type to want to wait for a while when it comes to love. No, not by any means he’s got high standards (that’s definitely personal preference, by the way), but he want to learn ahead first as he doesn’t want to be seen as someone “without experience” when in love. People think that Capricorn venuses are also the type to be all like “work before love”, which is possible. But he’s young, he’s definitely gonna fall here and there often, he just isn’t sure of himself yet and may tend to test himself or someone he likes if they’re willing to commit to him. He doesn’t have time to joke around. He doesn’t find it attractive, at least to his standards.

Also the best part, he’ll always remain loyal. Like I said, he may tend to test the waters first before he can say he’s “ready”. He’s young, he’s got time and lots of it. He’ll fall in love, he’d definitely get crushes, he’ll get into relationships later on in life. But once he sees the apple of his eye, chances are he’s gonna befriend them first before he pursues them. However his Pisces moon can definitely show a slight tendency of being shy, which I find absolutely adorable.

It’d be like a fairy tale when Samuel is your boyfriend. He’s gonna be so loyal but also affectionate. May be slightly traditional, but his Aquarius mercury would definitely spice up the relationship (he’d probably think of very fun dates like going to the arcade, even doing adventurous stuff!). By all means, he can get a little strict but not in a very irritable way, but rather he is protective and wants you to be secured at all times.

He’s gonna be very giving and also considerate. Maybe at times, he’ll throw out his own needs for a while and puts yours first. The important thing, though, is proper mutual understanding. You both would need to be accepting of each other’s positive traits and flaws. He can get emotional in a very subtle way, behind the public eye, so someone just as loving and understanding of him this way would be so benefiting.

Also he’s crushing on Blackpink’s Jisoo. Jisoo is a Capricorn. If this ain’t the cutest thing ever.

Mars in Pisces

Aha, another trait that is quite visible. He’s rather shy especially because of his moon sign, even more with his mars sign. He can get slightly timid, sometimes having a hard time showing how angry he is. In fact, he probably hates the idea of getting angry and wouldn’t want to suppress it all, even though he has to at times. He’s got a lot of patience in him. Similar to Libra mars, he does not like arguing or anything that causes disruption. He’s all about understanding, definitely the type to talk things out than go all rough housing-- BIG no no for our Sammie.

He’s prone to daydreaming often and is quite sensitive, even the smallest judgment on him can slightly hurt him inside. His Capricorn placements make him show he is a strong character at times, but he’s truly and actually a softie inside. Very empathetic, helpful and always at service. I’m afraid there’d by times he’d be used for other’s benefits, may tend to get dominated by others, or slightly shows he can be gullible so he needs to be careful of this.

However, this shows how committed he is to his dreams and aspirations. Along with his Capricorn placements, his drive is much more prominent than to most. He wants to make his dreams a reality and will work hard, even if he’s gonna have to go the long way. This is also how how he is in love.

Mars in Pisces males love the idea of falling in love. He has probably thought or even daydreamed a romance you see in dramas. When he gets in a relationship, chances are he’ll put his partner’s needs first before his own. He’d be cooperative and willing to help them out all the way. However, this shows hows truly committed he is. This is why I said it’d be like a fairy tale when in a relationship with him.

He’s going to be very loving, understanding, and would work hard for the relationship to grow and be like a learning experience for both of you. He’s also gonna give endless amounts of support, always thinking that whatever you both want to do, you both should do it with your heart and proper ease of mind. He’s gonna do his own thing, you can definitely do your own. Supporting each other is definitely a big thing for him.

Some aspects Samuel has that I have short explanations/interpretations of (and noticed):

Moon Square Saturn - may have experienced a bit of loneliness during childhood or was forced to have to be responsible/mature at an early age. (Being a trainee/part of then-Seventeen’s lineup at such a young age, debuting quite early)

Sun Sextile Mars - the honest and direct type, quite the type to be very into exercising, generally very good in health and is quite popular. also gives a very youthful appearance (baby face!! also shows how he is popular/friends with almost every PD101 trainee he communicated with)

Mercury Trine Saturn - persistent, great means of success, ideas and mindset is in harmony with what he truly wants to do in life, dependable, loyal, very much going to be good for business ventures (how he was very persistent on joining PD101 in the first place, likely also how he decided to go forward/debut right after it ended)

Mars Square Jupiter - excitable, innovative, fearless and goes straight to the goal, talent reaches great bounds yet these individuals may have struggled with goals throughout their life (1Punch debut/disbandment, PD101 finale)

alright I think I typed a lot? I suddenly had the urge to write something about him because I saw Leaving the Nest season with him and honestly he was such a fluffball I would make him my baby brother :(((( I hope you guys enjoyed~ I did my best and hopefully this information can be helpful for some. I may not be 100% accurate but I really did my best. Keep supporting our lovely Samuel everyone! Ciao

#samuel #samuel kim #kim samuel #samuel arredondo #*astro post #kpop astrology

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tinamaetales · 5 years

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2018 Playlist

When the music is good, it is unavoidable – YG

I have come to a realization that music is the universal language – for it has the ability to speak to one’s soul despite its origin. For me, music knows no nationality.

It’s pretty obvious by looking at my recent posts that I’m into the Korean pop culture these days. It all started with my interest in watching k dramas and then I fell in love with most of their OSTs and then I learned about iKON and from then on, I’m whipped.

Most of the songs that I listen to this year are not just songs for me – they mean more than that. I’ve told countless stories of how my panic attacks are being triggered but I guess I’ve never really told most people one of the ways that help me cope up during those worst attacks – music. Especially iKON’s songs.

Anyway, here are the songs that helped me get though a lot this year. These songs made me feel less lonely and help me survive each day; here’s my top 10:

1 Runaway – iKON Bobby

“In the mirror, it’s not the me I used to know. I want to chase after my dreams but responsibility weighs you down”

“I lay on my bed but it doesn’t feel like home. I just wanna go far away. Even if the sun rises tomorrow, even if there’s hope, the words ‘good morning’ mean nothing to me”

This song’s lyrics speak to my soul in a whole different level. I feel like the entire song is a reflection of what I am truly feeling but I just can’t tell anyone about it. Most of the time, I feel so overwhelmed with everything that I just wanna run away because escape is the easiest thing to do when things become too much to handle.

2 Climax – Team B/ iKON

B.I.’s rap: “……Tell them to believe in me, that I would definitely succeed. This is not just mine but the life of 6 others. I’ve been looking for a chance lifting them all on my shoulders. I had no other choice but to endure much pressure and failures….and if God will ask me, ‘Won’t you regret it?’ I’ll answer without hesitation, ‘Why would I regret?’ I’ve bet everything and there is no next time. I’ll show you that my determination is like no one else’s”

This is every iKONICS’ weakness for it tells about the beautifully tragic journey of Team B towards reaching their dream of getting debuted. What I love the most about this song is its ability to lift one’s morale. Even though this song was written in a personal level, I felt like their journey was also mine. B.I.’s rap part followed by Junhoe’s verse never fails to make me cry. This song reminded me of how far I’ve come through and there’s no room to quit because I didn’t get this far to only stay this far.

3 A little too much – Shawn Mendes

“Everyone said that she is so strong but what they didn’t know is that she could barely carry on”

“Sometimes it all gets a little too much but you gotta realize that soon the fog would clear up. You don’t have to be afraid because we’re all the same”

There will be a point in our lives wherein everything feels like too much – when you feel like you’re drowning in problems and uncertainties. With this song, it serves as a reminder that the overwhelming feeling of life’s negativity happens to everyone – not just with me. And somehow, someday, things will get better.

4 Freedom – iKON

“At my age, my potential is bursting”

“What’s harder than living is finding the reason to. You might not be able to do the things you want. I’ve gotten to this point by doing things I hate”

Whenever I listen to this song I can’t help but relate it with the movie Goyo. I feel like this song’s lyrics fit perfectly with the movie’s theme. The movie Goyo: Ang Batang Heneral tells the story of one of the Philippines’ youngest general, Gregorio Del Pilar, and how he manages to handle his role during the Philippine-American War. The movie is fearless in telling the story of the hero – that a hero is not a cold statue that is perfect because of his heroism but a hero who is a human capable of making mistakes. In fact the director of the film, Jerrold Tarog, has said that the reason why they focused on Goyo’s life as a general during the war instead of making it the typical movie about a hero (birth-build up-heroism-glorious death) is to be able to tell the story of a hero who became human instead of a human who became a hero. The overall theme of the movie is about youthful negligence, blind allegiance, and misplaced loyalty (like what Irish Dizon, a writer, said) and I really can relate it to the lyrics of this song. My own interpretation of this song is that it tells the story of a young person who craves for freedom but isn’t aware of what comes along with it; it is like telling the people around him to allow him to live his life the way he wants to and yet he’s not aware of the responsibilities that comes along with freedom. I love the contradicting views that Bobby’s rap part has shown because it shows the frustration of the youth today:

At first he said, “Don’t call mistakes a thing of the youth”

But on the last part of his rap he said, “I make mistakes, please embrace me with the excuse of youth”

I guess those phrases are the right representation of this thing called “youthful pride” in which young people tend to have the confidence that they can do anything and everything for they are young and have the fresher perspective in life; when you’re young, you want to do everything and you crave for success so much thinking that the way there is easy. And when you started making mistakes here and there, that’s when you’ll realize that you still got a lot of things to learn and you still have a long way to go before you can succeed.

5 Social Casualty – 5 Seconds of Summer

“Save me from who I’m supposed to be. Don’t wanna be a victim of authority, I’ll always be a part of the minority.”

My own interpretation of this song is that is a cry for help. Seems like the person is aware of his/her own actions’ consequences and it is drowning and/or killing him/her and yet it feels like there is no stopping. The person is crying for someone or anyone to help him/her before it’s too late.

6 In My Blood – Shawn Mendes

“Sometimes I feel like giving up, no medicine is strong enough. Someone help me.”

This song is another cry for help and I can relate to this very much. There are times in my life wherein I feel like no matter how many times I drink my anti-depressants, it still doesn’t take away the overwhelming feelings of sadness, frustration, resentment, anger and regrets. Most of the time, you just want to give up but there is something in you, a tiny spark of hope, which makes you want to hold on and continue fighting and I guess this song tells us this message.

7 The Climb – Miley Cyrus

“…..sometimes I gotta have to lose. Aint about how fast I get there. Aint about what’s waiting on the other side. It’s the climb”

I’ve always considered this song as my motivation. What I love the most about this is that it talks about the journey that one would go through before reaching the top instead of just telling the story of success. I love its realistic approach as it says that “there’s always gonna be another mountain….always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose….” Because that’s how life is, right? One success doesn’t mean it’s the end of the story – you will still experience a lot of setbacks, some are even worse than the other, but what’s important is that you know how to pick yourself up and fight again.

8 Ready to Run – One Direction

“Cause I wanna be free and I wanna be young. I’ll never look back now I’m ready to run”

And even though most of the time I still feel so afraid of the world and the chaos that it always bring, the fighter in me says that I should “Keep on fighting. Take the risk” and that’s how I feel every time I listen to this song. If I don’t take risks then someday I would be filled with the “what ifs” and “I wish I could’ve done” and that would suck. It would be better to be fearless sometimes because at the end of the day, if things go wrong…if things didn’t end up the way you’ve thought, at least you can charge it to experience. At least, you’ve learned something.

9 Sweeter than Fiction – Taylor Swift

“It’s like we don’t remember the pain that we thought would last forever”

What I love the most about this song is its calming melody. Whenever I listen to this, somehow my mood lifts up. This song is perfect for celebrating one’s success – even though they are just small victories. What I’ve realized throughout my journey in 2018 is that even the simplest things such as deciding to show up at work and do your job even though deep inside you are breaking is already a victory; it doesn’t matter how big or small your achievements are, because an accomplishment is always an accomplishment. Life is tough, but we can endure.

10 Little Me – Little Mix

“Wish I knew back then what I know now. Wish I could somehow go back in time and maybe listen to my own advice. I’ll tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out, talk a bit louder….tell her she’s beautiful, wonderful, everything she doesn’t see…..you can be anything you wanna be”

If I could give my younger self a message, it would be the lyrics from this song. I always feel a bit emotional whenever I listen to this because I can’t help but look back at my younger years. As a child, my confidence is at its lowest point because I am afraid of facing the world. I never really have friends, being alone is my solace. I tend to isolate myself as a defense because I don’t want people to hurt me and such habit of mine left an impact on what kind of person I’ve become today. I’ve realized that if only I was braver, I could’ve made my early years better and also, if I’ve got people who supports and believes in me, things would’ve been different today. While writing this, I remembered Miss Universe 2018 Catriona Gray’s words: “I’m standing here today because someone believed in me. We owe it to our children to believe in them” I can’t change the past but I can definitely do something now – I will start it by guiding my younger cousins and be there for them when they need support and a friend to talk to.

Love Scenario – iKON

South Korea’s Song of the Year for 2018. This song is really catchy and easy to sing along with; in fact, even if you can’t speak Korean, you can easily learn the lyrics of this song. However, even though it has a “happy” melody, the lyrics are a bit painful. This one tells the story of someone accepting the fact that something in his life is over and even though it hurts, as long as you have the memories to look back, then that’s good enough.

Killing Me – iKON

Even though this song is a sequel to Love Scenario and it tells the story of a break up, I’ve connected with this on a different way. For me, it was about a dream of mine that I’ve let go because I thought it’s best for me to pursue other things but here I am, finally experiencing the weight of my decision and it is KILLING ME ;) Bobby’s last verses in this song speak to my soul so much:

“The once extinguished fire is burning up again. Is it because of the painful longing or just my selfish loneliness?”

Goodbye Road – iKON

This is the last part of the break up trilogy and it is about saying goodbye for real this time. If in Love Scenario the person was positive and accepting about the break up, in Killing Me he felt the weight of it, this time in Goodbye Road, he is now finally willing to let go. The melody of this song is so beautiful that it makes it more painful to listen to because of the lyrics.

Just for you – iKON

This song is dedicated for iKONICS only.

Don’t forget – iKON

Its lyrics: “Don’t forget us, don’t forget me” is how I would like to tell the world that people who are suffering from mental disorder needs treatment too. Just because our pain and battle is invisible doesn’t make it invalid. Don’t forget us in your prayers for the healing of the sick.

Rubber band – iKON

Only You – iKON

Beautiful – iKON

Bestfriend – iKON

Apology – iKON

My Type – iKON

Hug Me – iKON

Don’t let me know – iKON

Everything – iKON

Dumb and Dumber – iKON

Long time no see – iKON

Make you proud – iKON

B-day – iKON

This is the best birthday song ever!

(can I just put iKON’s entire discography here? LOL but tbh, I listen to iKON’s entire discography everyday because all songs are really good!)

I love you – Bobby

One and Only – B.I.

The Eve – EXO

Heaven – EXO

Shine – Pentagon

Beautiful – Crush (Goblin OST)

The first time I listened to this song, I fell in love immediately

Stay with me – Punch ft. EXO Chanyeol (Goblin OST)

This song has some mysterious vibes in it which makes it perfect for the drama’s theme

Do you know – Gummy (Love in the Moonlight OST)

Everytime – Punch ft. EXO Chen (Descendants of the Sun OST)

Eternal Love – Michael Learns to Rock (Healer OST)

Perfect song for a wedding!

Melting – K. Will (LITM OST)

Hush – Lasse Lindh (Goblin OST)

Sunflower – Younha (Doctors OST)

No Way – Park Yongin, Kwon Soonil (Doctors OST)

You are my everything – Gummy (DOTS OST)

Let me out – NUEST W (Hwayugi OST)

When I saw you – BUMKEY (Hwayugi OST)

I miss you – Soyou (Goblin OST)

I will go to you like the first snow – Ailee (Goblin OST)

Bless the Broken Road – Cover by Jess and Gabriel

This one’s great for a wedding too! This song is great to play as the bride walks down the aisle

Little Do You Know – Cover by Jess and Gabriel

Forever – Damien Fernandez

Stand by me – SHINee

Scream – Michael Jackson ft. Janet Jackson

Rewrite the Stars – The Greatest Showman OST

Really Really – Winner

My Person – Park Bo Gum (LITM OST)

Prom – Ebe Dancel

Oks Lang Ako – JROA

Haru Haru – Big Bang

As if it’s your last – BlackPink

Photograph – Ed Sheeran

Broken Home – 5 Seconds of Summer

Hanggang Wala Nang Bukas – Ebe Dancel (Heneral Luna OST)

Long Live – Taylor Swift

Drag Me Down – One Direction

Rejects – 5 Seconds of Summer

Long way home – 5 Seconds of Summer

Hey everybody – 5 Seconds of Summer

I want you back – 5 Seconds of Summer

Youngblood – 5 Seconds of Summer

Perfect – Ed Sheeran

The Middle – Zedd Grey

Never be the same – Camila Cabello

There are still a lot of songs that I wanna add here but I guess this post has been way too long already. Anyway, to anyone reading this I hope you can listen to some of the songs I’ve posted here : )

TinaMae

#personal #music playlist #playlist #playlist 2018 #iKON

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paradox-media · 5 years

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The reality of exploitation in the Korean pop industry

The Korean pop industry has blossomed worldwide over the last few years, with the likes of BTS, Monsta X and DPR Live playing sold out shows across London. But is there a darker reality behind the pristine front that is shown to the media?

The difference in culture can be confusing to those not in the loop, and firstly proves that the Korean and Western industries are worlds apart, from their media releases to public appearances and meeting fans. This aspect along is enough to perplex some and leads to explain why a large majority of people will simply pass off the genre entirely. Despite this, there are an equally large amount of those who consider themselves fans and will follow their idols to the ends of the earth.

The social media age has allowed younger generations to branch out and become involved with trends and cultures that were before very cut off.

For a lot of fans, the only way to keep up with relevant news is through the modern media, and through online translations. Twitter, for example, is the main platform for this information to be spread through, as its readily available to a variety of international users and fans. Using BTS as an example once more, the amount of almost immediate translations below their posts allows those international fans to stay up to date with what is happening. Over the last few years, and with the rise of the genre in general outside of Korea, idols and management alike have to consider the fact that only a small percentage of fans will be able to natively speak Korean, and have started to adhere to this fact through official English translations, or the idols themselves learning English to be able to interact with fans on a deeper level.

RM, of BTS, has shown this aspect recently while the band were playing two sold out shows at the O2, by answering questions in fluent English whilst also translating to his fellow bandmates. This understanding of who their audience are and how to include them more.

Many journalists today will use social media and online platforms to publish their work and promote their publication, making the use of these platforms available to an even larger audience. For example, writers like Taylor Glasby and Tamar Herman use their Twitter followers to promote their articles and to interact with the fan bases.

This also means that fans of idols can interact and create projects such as celebrations of members birthdays and such. For example, a large project that went viral in the community earlier this year named “The Purple Ribbon Army”. This project was formed after members of BTS’ Army fanbase noticed that the idols were getting mobbed and harassed whilst arriving at airports across the world.

This show of solidarity between fans allows outsiders to understand how the fandom works, and the love and affection that is shown towards idols. Despite this, the fact that this type of project needs to be accomplished shows that a small majority of fans don’t have respect for idols and will go to great lengths just to catch a glimpse.

Being able to see this side to fans and the culture makes it easier to understand why and how exploitation is happening inside the companies themselves. Looking further into this aspect reveals a few things: the level at which Korean idols are held is so high that they really are considered “idols”, and that the fans have the same mentality too.

The larger majority of kpop fans will often condemn this behaviour and speak out about is on social media, but of course there will always be the minority that paints an uglier picture for everyone else.

Another large part of the problem is the way that scandals are viewed within the community. For example, the recent CUBE scandal between Hyuna, (Kim Hyun-ah), and E’Dawn, (Kim Hyo-jong), resulting in their cancellation of contract.

Dating within the idol industry in Korea is a very taboo subject, and most are not allowed to openly date until their contracts are finished, and recently this pair have broken that rule, publicly announcing that they were in fact a couple. A few days later, Hyuna was kicked from all CUBE appearances and schedules without being told, and only found out due to online media. This alone proves that many companies believe that their idols can be replaced, and don’t have compassion for their emotions. E’Dawn was then also kicked from CUBE and Pentagon.

This caused huge backlash online, hundreds of fans claiming that Hyuna made the company what it was, and that they would suffer without her. This has proved to be very true, with her and E’Dawn still flourishing on social media and being invited to various awards shows without being affiliated with a company.

The fact that CUBE decided that they could simply take presidency over Hyuna’s career proves that they don’t really have any respect for her as a person or as an individual, and more so as an object and money maker. Fans across the globe have not been blind the way that the company treated the two artists, and a few months later the company have still not recovered fully.

Online sources confirmed the rumours hours after CUBE had originally denied all claims, Soompi wrote; “the two wanted to publicly acknowledge their relationship so they could confidently stand in front of their fans.” This alone shows the respect and love that the idols have for their fans, in relation to the way they are treated by their companies.

Another example of mistreatment or overworking of an idol is the death of Kim Jonghyun, who committed suicide late last year. He was a profound singer-songwriter, producer, radio host and an author under SM Entertainment for 9 years with band SHINee.

The way that mental health is viewed in celebrities in any part of the world is as a taboo, many not understanding how a person who “has so much” can still be so ill. This warped way of viewing mental health as a whole is why many people, idol or not, feel like they can’t come forward with their issues. The World Health Organisation estimates that each year, “approximately one million people die from suicide, a global morality rate of 16 people per 100,000, one death every 40 seconds.” This fact alone is enough to be distressing, and even long-term fans of SHINee didn’t notice any signs.

Jonghyun’s death came as a complete shock to the industry, friends and fans alike, and everything came to a standstill on social media. The effect that this had on both hardcore fans and casual fans was clear, and everyone within the community mourned for weeks.

This showed both the kpop community and the rest of the world that anyone can suffer with mental illness, and can suffer severely in silence without anyone even noticing.

Quoting an 18-year-old Chinese fan, Chen Jialin, “I am so sad that I cannot even cry,” “My heart aches so much.” Many others tweeted similar reactions, hashtags were trended and fans stopped together to mourn. The way that this trauma caused people to come together despite differences shows how incredible this community can be.

A lot of fans feel that idols should have easy access to mental health related facilities like doctors, psychiatrists and therapy due to their hectic schedules. Companies should be responsible for making sure that their groups are not only physically fit, but also mentally fit, which is just as important.

Quoting Taylor Glasby on the topic,“Having been encouraged by Jonghyun’s mother to continue making music together, the four members began to pick up the pieces, eventually celebrating their 10th anniversary with a new album and a fan-meet, where Minho humbly asked for fans’ support as they moved forward with their lives.”

SM Entertainment opened a memorial for Jonghyun at Coex Artium in Seoul in late January, but soon closed it a few months later to replace it with a museum, that many fans thought was distasteful.

@hqminho: “jonghyun deserves a permanent memorial he did so much for sm and for everyone else, he deserves so much better I’m so bitter”

The way that fans reacted to SM closing the memorial was overwhelmed with backlash, claiming that Jonghyun deserves better for everything he had done for SM and for the industry after his 10 years with SHINee.

Understanding mental health can be a hugely difficult thing, even for those you know personally. But being able to advocate for better help for idols and celebrities will help prevent this from happening in the future.

The overlying question remains, are Korean companies exploiting their idols? The answer is definitely not black and white. Exploitation may be a word too big for this situation, but companies can definitely learn from experience that idols are still human beings with emotions and limits, and sometimes pushing back a debut or release will benefit them in the long run.

#feature #Kpop feature #kpop journalism #journalism #exploitation

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thegirlwhocouldntsitdown-blog · 6 years

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12 months - I have lived in Los Angeles for A WHOLE YEAR?! (16.08.2018)

One year. Wow.

A year ago today, I left my family and 3 of my best friends at the airport and said goodbye, not knowing how long it would be until I saw them again.

I am incredibly lucky to have seen some of them in the time that I’ve been here - I can’t believe I have such incredible people in my life who love me enough to come all the way here and give me some cuddles. Those people truly don’t know how much that has impacted my time here. In certain moments, it’s been so goddamn difficult to be away from Melbourne. The food is better, the air is cleaner, the healthcare is FREE and GOOD, we have TRAMS AND TRAINS EVERYWHERE(!!!), my house has a BACK YARD, I lived 30 minutes from EVERYTHING. I never understood how lucky I was to grow up in the worlds most liveable city (apparently we were overthrown this week - not happy, Jan).

Honestly, I get when people from the U.S ask me “Why would you move here?! Australia is so much better!” They’re right. But, I cannot thank the people I’ve met here enough either. It turns out, being in a place doesn’t matter - it’s the people you meet there. I think I knew that to an extent, but knowing the amazing human beings I know is the best thing about my life. Both in LA and in Melbourne, I have communities of such immensely supportive, determined, understanding, encouraging, KIND KIND KIND friends and family. Lots of people tell me they could never move away from home like I have, and I absolutely get that. I really don’t think I could have if not for my loved ones - because I am who they’ve made me.

If not for their strength and guidance, I would have no one to tell me to keep trying. If not for their positivity and resilience, I would probably be hiding in bed. If not for their perseverance and diligence, I would probably break down every 10 minutes. Granted, I have done all of those things at certain times in my life - both in Melbourne and LA - but my family and friends are the reason I haven’t let those moments solidify me in a state of bitterness and stillness. They keep me moving, trying/failing/getting up again, believing in myself.

In the last month, I have had not a great time. I still haven’t found a job to keep me here and grant me an E3 visa. I have found out some pretty troubling information about my health (explained in the “Pain” section). I have found myself forgetting who I am and why I’m here. But these people - my friends at home who I haven’t seen in a whole year, my family who I talk to every day, my community of new and old pals here in LA - have reminded me that I am capable, I am smart and I am kind. These are three things that cannot be said about everyone, and holding on to them has made me feel a lot better about whatever may come in the future.

So, over the past month I’ve had a lot of lovely moments amidst the scary ones.

The Spy Who Dumped Me came out in cinemas. My name was on the screen in the credits and it was a big moment. I was so lucky to have my beautiful pals Kelsey, Shannon, Savannah and Nathalie with me to share that moment. Below is the cake from the release party, and me dressed as an “Australian tourist” in the movie (go see it to undertand.

Disneyland boi.

Kelsey has been such an incredible friend to me for the last five years and this month has been especially challenging for me, and she has been so goddamn wonderful and kind. I love her a lot and this is her with a bloody OSCAR and then us having some bevs.

BEACH DAY WITH PALS! Molly and Josh are here, I LOVE MY IMPROV PALS!!!

I never go clubbing anymore, but my pals Jordy and Kristen asked us to come out with them to a 90′s night in Silverlake at a place called The Satellite and it was THE MOST I’VE EVER DANCED OR SWEATED EVER AND IT WAS THE MOST FUN I’VE EVER HAD IN A LARGE GROUP OF PEOPLE!

HANSON WAS PLAYING WHEN WE WALKED IN AND I SCREAMED AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. ALSO THEY HAD “SO FETCH” BALLOONS AND I STOLE ONE AND DANCED WITH IT ALL NIGHT, HEHE.

My sweet Joeboy McGee turned 24 and I feel so grateful to have spent the second birthday in 3 years with him (on his 22nd birthday we saw stand up in NYC and got fancy pasta, it was beautiful). I love you so much, Joey. Thank the universe (and your amazing parents) for bringing you to life.

Sweet angel Tiana joined Molly and I in LA for a few days and it was like a mini Heralayan Salt Lamps reunion. They’re both hilarious and intelligent goddesses and I’m so glad I know them.

And right now, you ask? Well, today is just a normal day. I went to the gym and am about to go do a shift at Massage Envy. I can’t believe it’s been a year, and I’m so grateful to be able to say I’m living in Los Angeles.

TRAVEL: 5/10

While I’ve been winding down from having so many people visiting, I’m also really anxious about the whole “when am I coming home?” thing. Basically, I can’t know when I come home until I do or don’t get a job.

My visa ends at the end of September, so if by this time next month, I still don’t have a job, I’ll be coming home for 3-4 weeks to visit, then returning to LA until I run out of money/my lease is up (mid December). If that happens, then I’ll be back home until I can figure out a way to come back and continue working in film and television. If I DO find a job in the next month, however, I will have to come home for 2 weeks to get my visa reinstated, in which case I’ll be back to LA as soon as I can be, and then return home for Christmas/New Years/Elyse’s wedding in late December/early January.

Apart from that, I’ve been going to the beach a lot and trying to just enjoy being here. I have a nice tan!

PAIN: 2/10

At the eye appointment with my parents, after 6 hours of weird tests and scary waiting periods, I was asked to come back to do another scary test - nay, the SCARIEST test. I had to have an ERG (info here), which is basically a test to see if there’s something wrong with my retina. After that, it determined my eyes were aye okay (yay!) but something weird has still been happening. I am currently awaiting an MRI of the brain, because the specialist believes I have “pseudotumor cerebri” (info here) . Basically, they think there’s excess fluid on my brain which causes pressure on your optic nerve, causing your vision to change and excess headaches. I genuinely thought everyone got headaches every day and that my sinuses were just weird (which is true, they’re weird), but there may be something more serious going on. It’s not a life threatening condition, but if it’s severe enough, there can some times be draining of the brain needed and even sometimes surgery. My vision isn’t changing too much, the only reason I noticed the changes was because I was on the look out for them since starting my arthritis drug, Plaquenil - I stopped taking it in April because I noticed these vision changes from February.

I’m really scared because if the MRI doesn’t give us enough info, the doctor will have to order a spinal tap (no, not the mockumentary - although this news DID turn my anxiety “up to 11″). Now, I’ve had multiple epidurals and minor back surgery, so I’m not too afraid of a spinal tap, but I AM afraid of the fact that my insurance here runs out on the 30th of September. This may be a reason I have to come home and stay home, and that terrifies me beyond anything else. I don’t want to have my body turn on me again like it has with my arthritis and my back pain. I do so much to keep myself healthy and to give my body the rest it needs, but if I have to put my future on hold for my health, I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to handle that fact without becoming a miserable wreck. All I can do for now is hope it’s nothing too serious and I can get it sorted out soon. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.

COMEDY: 7/10

This weekend Joey, Jordy and I will debut our threeprov improv team on a goddamn PARTY BUS for the LA Indie Improv Festival. I haven’t been writing at all for a very long time and that has been a big part of my recent slump, but in the last few days I’ve had a wave of ideas and energy come back to me and I really feel so excited to dig into something. I love making stuff.

On the downside, I have been extremely anxious about if I will be able to continue working here. I know that if it’s meant to be, it’ll happen, but for a while I’ve felt so so pessimistic and afraid of going home and not being able to continue towards my goals. All I’ve ever wanted to do since I knew what a joke was was be in comedy and work in TV - there’s nothing I love more (except my family, I know, I know). Yesterday, I had a meeting with a woman a friend set me up with. Both the woman and my friend who introduced us are both incredibly successful, kind, funny and passionate women. One of them said to me a few years ago:

“All you need to do to be a writer is two things: 1. Keep writing, don’t give up. 2. Don’t be a dick.”

Yesterday, in my conversation with her friend, she told me two things: “1. Stop worrying. 2. Be nice to people 3. Work fucking hard. 4. STOP. WORRYING”

It was the most relieving thing to be told by two different women, who are slightly older and wiser than me, who have been exactly where I am now, that I will be okay. They both believe in my ability and my personality and my work ethic, and that proves more than they realise it does. I have this incredible network of strong, generous, talented women around me - both here and in LA - who believe in me. So if these highly skilled and experienced people do, why shouldn’t I?

I’ll get there, even if a fucking visa or a few thousand health issues get in my way. It’s what I was born to do.

A year has passed and I’m a bit different, but I’m pretty much the same. The only difference may be that I know what I’m worth now. Oh, and I know how to grow string beans!

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