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#but the reality? my independence is really going ?dude? you got a good thing going? what's this about?
mysecretlittlelibrary · 5 months
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A New Home
Pairing: Platonic! Peter Parker & Reader; Reader x Bucky (but that's not really plot relevant)
Word Count: 2.2k
Warnings: uh none really just mentioning of all the tragedies MCU Peter has endured lmao
Genre: it's pretty fluffy- there's minor angst
Summary: You happen to be the only person who still remembers Peter Parker exists and you are not about to hang him out to dry. So what happens when you take Peter in and basically become his guardian? Well- nothing is simple where super-teens are involved, but you and Peter can certainly handle whatever comes your way. Right?
***
You're worried. You know you've been gone for months and things can change a lot in a few months but it shouldn't be this hard to find Peter. Flying down the streets of New York you finally spot the kid through an open window in a rundown apartment building.
"Parker! There you are! Dude, I've been looking all over the city for you what the hell?" You lean against the window sill, startling Peter when you speak.
"Miss y/n! You know who I am!" Peter blinks at you.
"Well duh, why wouldn't I? And what are you doing in this godawful apartment?"
"Well-" Peter trails off, avoiding your gaze.
"Peter, what did you do?" Your eyes widen.
"I- made the entire world forget who I am?" He says hesitantly. You blink at him for a moment.
"Wh- ho- why would you- what made you think that was a good idea?"
"It wasn't a good idea it was the only idea." He says.
"I- how'd ya figure?" You tilt your head.
"It's a... long story." He mutters.
"So start telling it. Been lookin' for you all over the city so I've got time."
"Okay- it all started when I went on a summer trip to Europe and I met this guy- Mister Mysterio, and it was right after Mr. Stark died and you know, he was pretty important to me and you were away and Mr. Stark left me so much tech that I didn't know what to do with so when Mister Mysterio basically offered to take me under his wing I dunno I thought it'd help me deal with the Mr. Stark thing but he ended up being a super bad dude and I had to fight him and just before I defeated him he like released a video telling the whole world I was Spiderman and also painting me like a bad guy and it totally ruined my life. Like when I started senior year in the fall there were people literally protesting outside of my school! Some wanted me to pay for what I did to Mister Mysterio but others thought I had a reason for what happened since I'm like a neighborhood hero-"
"Well did you?" You ask cutting off Peter's frantic 2x speed recap.
"What?" He blinks at you.
"Have a reason. For whatever happened with Mysterio."
"Of course I did! He wanted to use Stark's tech to take over the world!"
"I'm just pulling your leg kid- I know you'd never harm a dude for no reason." You chuckle. "I'm just dispelling tension because you're speedrunning. So this guy ruined your life by telling the world you're Spiderman. What happened next?"
"Well with all the chaos it caused me in my daily life I went to Mr. Strange to try and fix it."
"You went to Strange." You repeat.
"Yeah cuz he's got that magic stone and with you gone, he's like the only person I know who might've been able to do the thing I was thinking of." Peter shrugs.
"And what was the thing you were thinking of?"
"I was going to see if there was a spell that could make the world forget that I was Spiderman but while we were doing the spell I remembered that there were people I had already told independent of the whole Mysterio thing and I didn't want them to forget because it's so much easier to not have to lie to Ned or MJ or Aunt May so I kept fixing the spell to be more specific than 'everyone forgets Peter Parker is Spiderman' and did you know there are other Spidermen in other versions of reality?!"
"That makes sense." You nod.
"What?"
"I travel through time and space a lot, I've seen hundreds of versions of hundreds of people- there being other Spidermen makes sense. What was your spell?"
"Well I altered it a few times while Mr. Strange was creating it but the last thing I said was something like 'everyone who already knew before should still know' and somehow it brought people who knew other Spidermen here. Specifically two other Spidermen and of course, they were all villains because I guess those guys do not have friends back home-"
"Peter!" You gasp barely holding back your laughter.
"Sorry- that was rude but I was really overwhelmed okay there was a dude who could like control electricity, and a guy made out of sand, and a huge freaking lizard monster, and a guy who dressed like a goblin and he killed Aunt May and there was a dude with gigantic mechanical tentacle arm thingies that came out of his back it was- terrifying."
"Oh honey." You sigh.
"We almost died in the process but me and the other Spidermen managed to kick them back to where they belonged, but Mr. Strange's botched spell was causing a collision of the multiverse so to reverse it we- had to make the whole world forget Peter Parker altogether." Peter says. There are a few moments of silence as you contemplate what to say next. Scolding him seems harsh, he's been through too much since you've last seen him.
"When did that happen? The forget-me-not spell part."
"Like- four months ago." He shrugs.
"And you've just been on your own here since then?" You frown.
"Aunt May's dead- no one else knows who I am- I- I didn't have anywhere to go." He shrugs.
"Do you want to stay here?" You ask.
"What?"
"I- hate this apartment, I don't really like you living here it's- tiny and probably not up to safety codes but if you'd rather stay I can't force you to move I just- I'd feel better if you moved in with me. So I'm asking."
"I don't wanna be a burden."
"Oh don't be ridiculous I could never see you as a burden and you've had a hard enough time in the last year there is no reason for you to have it any harder than it needs to be. If you want to move in with me there's plenty of room." You tell him.
"You mean it?"
"Absolutely." You nod.
"Okay- I'll- pack my things I guess."
"Good." You clap your hands together and climb fully into the apartment to help him.
It takes a few hours but eventually, you get Peter out of that shoebox of his and set him up in what used to be your guest room. He spends a little while in there unpacking until he's apparently too overwhelmed to do any more of it and takes refuge in the living room to watch TV. You're in the kitchen when he comes out and declares unpacking will have to wait and while you don't want to bring his mood down you feel like you have to check in before you can finish the baking you were doing. You take a seat in the armchair next to where Peter is perched on your couch.
"I- didn't get a chance to ask earlier but, how are you dealing with the whole Aunt May thing? You barely got to grieve Tony before it all went to shit it seems."
"I- haven't really had a whole lot of time to dwell on it actually, but I've been to visit her a couple of times."
"If you need anything Peter please ask and I'm serious. We've been family for quite a while as far as I'm concerned but especially now. Can't have you thinking you've got no one left in this world."
"Thanks y/n. Although I seriously don't get how Mr. Strange's spell didn't affect you too." Peter frowns.
"Dunno- maybe I was traveling through time when he did it. Or somewhere in space, outta range." You shrug.
"Lucky for me I guess." He says.
"Very." You stand and ruffle his hair before returning to the kitchen. You're glad he seems to be getting comfortable in your home already. You want him to be comfortable here, he deserves a little comfort after all that's happened. Some time later you hear the lock to your front door click open as you pull cookies out of your oven.
"Y/n?" Bucky's voice calls from the door.
"Kitchen!" You call back setting the tray on the counter. You can hear Bucky making his way down the hall before he enters the kitchen. His smile turns to a look of confusion and he retreats from sight for a moment and then pivots back into the kitchen.
"There's a boy in your living room babe." He points out.
"Yeah, I know that's Peter." You say with a laugh.
"Do we know Peter?"
"I know Peter."
"How?"
"He's-" you pause for a moment. Bucky won't remember him. He barely knew the kid in the first place. "He's my godson." You say. That's probably believable.
"You have a godson?!"
"I have a few godchildren actually- he's just the oldest." You say. Truth.
"He's got siblings?"
"No, he's an only child but I am a godparent to multiple children that are not related to each other."
"Including that one?" Bucky points down the hall in the general direction of your living room.
"Yes including that one. He's moved in with me." You say.
"What?!" Bucky's eyes widen.
"It's a... long story- he's not my nephew or anything I actually didn't know his parents. I was friends with his aunt who ended up responsible for him after his parents died and she made me her- for lack of a better word, successor if anything happened to her once she became his only living family."
"Well, where's his aunt?"
"She died while I was gone." You say. You'll have to make a point to visit Aunt May's grave soon.
"So where's he been?" Bucky asks.
"In a dingey little shoebox of an apartment." You grimace.
"He's old enough that he got his own apartment?"
"Well, he's eighteen but I don't believe in throwing kids to the wolves once they turn eighteen so I told him he could come stay with me because there's no reason for him to be in a shitty apartment struggling to support himself when I have space. Plus he's got basically no other family now, I don't want him to be alone."
"Alright, but you can't make me talk to him." Bucky says.
"My love he's a teenager I don't expect you to have a playdate. I'm looking after him, I'm not making that your responsibility." You chuckle.
"Cool." Bucky snatches a cookie off the counter. "I'm headed to your room for a while." He kisses your cheek and disappears up the stairs. A couple minutes after Bucky disappears Peter comes shuffling into the kitchen.
"Godson?" He asks sitting on one of the stools by the island.
"Hm?" You frown.
"You told Mr. Bucky that I'm your godson."
"Oh- well, it was the first pretty believable thing I could think of. And I think if May thought something would take her from us so soon she'd probably have planned for you to stay with me or Tony." You shrug.
"I think so too." He says after a moment.
"Don't worry too much about Bucky, you know how he is around new people."
"We didn't really get to know each other the first time around but- do you think he'll warm up to me?" Peter asks.
"Aw of course he will. He'd never admit it but Buck's got a secret soft spot for chosen families. It won't be immediate but I'm sure you'll be ganging up on me in no time." You shrug.
"He doesn't seem all that open."
"Well- you know how when kids bring home a puppy they 'found' and their parents grumble about a new responsibility but end up falling in love with the animal anyway?"
"Yeah?"
"Not that you're a stray dog or anything but Bucky's kind of seeing it in the same way. He probably thinks I'll need his help looking after you. Which- on a pretty much unrelated note sweetie, are you still Spiderman?"
"Yeah- just now no one knows. Is that... a problem?" Peter asks hesitantly. 
"Now why would that be a problem? I'd be quite the hypocrite to suddenly decide you can't be Spiderman. That's how we met after all." You chuckle, reaching forward and pinching his chin affectionately. "And helping people is what you do. It's what we do. I'd never ask you to stop. But we'll need some regulations."
"Regulations?" His tone makes you giggle a bit.
"Within reason. I just mean I need you to keep me posted. Holler before you go on patrols, and call me if you have any emergencies. Oh, and any time you tell someone your secret I'd like to know."
"Oh, I don't plan to tell anyone. Well- maybe we can tell Mr. Bucky eventually. I agree with those regulations but I don't have anyone else to tell." He shakes his head.
"For now but if you go to college and make friends-"
"Do you think I could?" Peter's eyes widen hopefully.
"Make friends?" You frown.
"Go to college."
"I think you've wiped yourself from the memories of everyone you know- it gives you a unique opportunity to start over however you see fit. I know college was something you were really looking forward to so- if you get your GED you can enroll next fall or this spring if you're ready to start earlier. I'll help you in any way I can if that's what you want." You say. There's a stretch of silence as Peter considers your words.
"I'll think about it." He says.
"You do that. In the meantime just- let's get used to living together. Deal?"
"Deal." He smiles.
"Good. Cookie?" You slide the tray towards him and he takes one happily. You really think this is going to be good for him and it might even be better for you than you expect.
***
A/N: if I wrote more of this would y'all want to read it? It would be anthology style but I think the concept is real cute!
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eyeofnewtblog · 2 years
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Things that happen in life:
So, I’m feeling the need to explain something, and I’ve decided that this will make at least one person chuckle, so here goes.
If getting lost we’re a super power, I could join the Justice League.
When I was first learning to drive, it was An Experience because up until that point I absolutely never paid attention to where we were actually going in a car. I spent about two years constantly calling my dad to say “I’m at point A, how do I get to point B?” And my dad grew up in a very small ranch/farm community. So he gives Country Directions.
Which basically means he tells you how many miles to go in a cardinal direction, visual landmarks, and some of his directions are based on past knowledge. One time I asked him to give me directions to the bank from our house and I kid you not his exact words were “get headed south on Valley avenue and keep heading south until you get to where the Dairy Queen used to be. Turn left there. Go along for about a mile, maybe mile and a half, and the sign for the bank will be on your right.”
Now. As an adult, I recognize that this is not how City Folk give directions. And honestly there’s a benefit to both ways (city directions are “go towards Landmark, get on Easily Recognized Road, then take a left on Special Street and another left on This Other Street, and then look for Landmark and My Car) but the reality is that both typically get blended as you try to communicate and some people are very exact and others are just “meh, you get here when you get here” and all of that is completely fine. That works.
Unless you’re dealing with me, used to country directions, moving to The Big City.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m absolutely happy with my decision to move, but it was definitely a big culture shock. And I did it without a car or smart phone; I still had my little blue slider with the full keyboard dude. Which did not come with any map pinpoints, google earth stuff (at least not that I knew how to operate) or anything of much use beyond sending texts and making phone calls.
But I had moved to a city where I had family, and was quickly making friends. So, I had a list of people that I would cycle through, to call for directions. The list was about ten people long, at its hay day, and there was a point where I was pretty proud of myself for only needing directions three times a day.
Then my parents came to visit, and my whole scheme came to light. It never occurred to me that my grandparents, aunt, and cousins all had dinner or lunch in small groups of three or four. It never occurred to me that they were trading notes on how OFTEN I got lost. Here I was, counting myself lucky that I never had to call the same person twice in one day, not knowing that they’re meeting up and comparing notes.
And my sweet, worry wort grandma tells my dad, who thought he raised an intelligent, independent woman: She gets lost a LOT, honey.
And my dad turns the Eyes Of What The Hell Is Going On to me. But I don’t get the chance to answer because my aunt chimes in (because parents are town, Everyone Is Expected for the Family Dinner, and up until I got The Eyes I had no idea I was about to be thrown under the bus)
“Oh my GAWD, I used to think you just didn’t raise her with good directions, but she just straight up couldn’t find her way out of a wet paper bag!”
And my own father said in front of me, “I am VERY well aware.”
Then we went inside and had dinner, which involved quite a lot of me trying to explain how exactly I had gotten lost to begin with, it was very embarrassing, and it comes up quite frequently still, ten years later.
But on the other hand, I really do deserve the teasing, and I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world.
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andr0medafallen · 1 year
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Green Tea Lemonade
A/N: Republishing my old fics
Pairing: Michael Perry x reader
Warnings: Playful existentialism, hipster coffee shops, fluff, judgmental baristas, overenthusiastic pretty boy Michael Perry, Michael Perry's fat ass, light swearing
Description: Hipster Coffee shops are fun, in their own way. Still, you wouldn’t mind if a handsome music teacher came and saved you from the exposed brick and judgemental baristas.
Word Count: 1.4k
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You sat in the small, hipster-ish cafe as you waited for your drink. You figured that that was the sort vibe that the exposed brick and edison light bulbs nodded to. You had ordered the barista’s suggestion when you arrived, a green iced tea lemonade because ‘if you’re gonna get an upside down caramel macchiato, at that point just get a latte, dude.’ So when you asked for suggestions because clearly you didn’t know the ins and outs of overly pretentious coffee, you had quickly agreed to the barista's first suggestion.
You were a little hesitant to be going out so soon after moving to Pittsburgh, but you figure that that’s how you make friends, right? So when you saw the flyer for the open mic night at this cafe, you figured, why not? The boxes of your belongings could wait; it was a sunny Friday afternoon and you didn’t even start your new job until Monday.
You had scribbled your name onto the list of acts at the front of the room, and had even made time to find your guitar amongst the piles of your packed belongings before you left for this thing. It felt good to be out of the house, being independent in that spontaneous ‘I do whatever I want’ kind of way, but a part of you still felt like a bit of an outsider in a new city. Which, even rationally, you were.
You sat at the table which you had claimed for yourself. Strangely, the oak table was covered in graffiti. Cartoon flowers and existentialism covered the cluttered surface of the table, but it seemed encouraged by the owners of the establishment; A cup of multicolored sharpies was sitting tantalizingly at the table. You read some of the different messages which surrounded the cool condensation of your drink. ‘I am a cage, in search of a bird. 888-447-5594.’ Kafka. Interesting choice for table graffiti. You wondered how desperate you would have to be to start using a cafe table as your own personal tinder. On a scale of ‘Mary Wollstonecraft is my favorite philosopher’ to ‘that guy in college who put sticky notes on every door in my four story apartment building with his number on them’, you would probably put it at a solid seven.
You choked a bit on your tea (lemonade) when your name was announced on the speaker system at the front of the room. Not a gross amount, just a perfectly reasonable, ‘Mary Wollstonecraft is my favorite philosopher’ amount. Probably. Was in not she who said, ‘Those who are bold enough to perform in front of a very small crowd in a cafe…must learn to brave the possibility of choking on green tea lemonade’? Still, you got your sputtering under control in record time and made your way to the front of the room, guitar in hand.
You sat on the stool at the front of the room, forgoing an introduction in what you hoped was a blasé, couldn’t give two shits type of way. In reality, it was more of a, ‘God, why did I come here again? I should not have watched Pitch Perfect on the plane’ type of way. Not that you ever thought you were better than any one or cooler than anyone or any sort of embodiment of Anna Kendrick’s performance as Beca, but you were really tired. Honestly, you didn’t even feel like you had any moral superiority over Beca from Pitch Perfect. Hell, she would probably love this venue.
You finger-picked out the first few notes of your song before finding your way into a steady strum pattern and beginning to sing the lyrics and melody. You had listened to and learned to play lots of different songs at open mic night and karaoke bars, but this one was your favorite. You’d been told that it was sad and depressing and all of those lovely adjectives in the past, but it made you feel seen. And you figured that if this was the sort of venue where people quoted Kafka in an attempt to get bitches then mildly depressing music was perfectly acceptable.
It wasn’t until you had strummed out your last note that you really gauged your pseudo-audiences reaction. For the most part it was about the same as for anyone else, which was the preferred reaction in your book. Tame applause before returning to conversations. Except for this one curly-haired son-of-a-bitch who, for reasons unknown was freaking the fuck out. We’re talking those loud finger-in-mouth whistles that Dads do at little league baseball games, rapid-fire clapping, all of the above. Which, really, was flattering, sure, but who the fuck did he think you were, Taylor Swift?
You gave the man a hesitant placating smile before packing up your Martin and returning to your seat. It was an effort to avoid unnecessary eye-contact with anyone, but a worthy cause, in your opinion. That is, until Mr. Curl-of-Hair Fat-of-Ass made his way to your table. You looked up at him over your plastic cup of cheap tea, probably fake lemons, and artificial sweetener.
“I liked your song a lot,” He told you, stupid little smirk on his face, which was somehow safely on the genuine side of the line.
You chuckled. “Yeah, clearly,” you teased. You didn’t really know why, but you nodded towards the chair across from you, giving him an opening to take a seat. That’s what this was about though, right? Making friends. Your #1 fan accepted your offer, turning the chair around and sitting on it backwards, arms resting on the backrest.
“Seriously, you’re super good! I was going to play something, but how am I supposed to follow that up?” He exclaimed, running a hand through his curls. You laughed, shaking your head. He reached out his hand to shake yours. “I’m Michael, by the way.”
Taking his hand, you offered your own name.
“I do appreciate it, the compliment,” you admitted to him. “I’m kind of the new kid in town.” You chuckled a bit, blushing at your own childish phrasing. “So I guess even ridiculously boisterous applause and enthusiasm is appreciated.”
“Can I buy you a coffee?” He asked, a bold departure from the original source material. His cheeky grin when his eyes met your still mostly full drink told you everything and nothing about his personality. Somehow he kept managing to do what you would have considered the most cocky shit on any other man without seeming one bit an arrogant asshole.
“Honestly,” you looked into those warm brown eyes, leaning forward so that your gazes were level right above the wooden table and its sharpied Kafka quote, “I don’t want to be here right now.” You whispered it to him like it was a guarded secret. Like some part of it affected the fate of the world.
He matched your gaze, pausing for a moment as if considering or analyzing you. As if making sure that it was the place, and that he wasn’t making you uncomfortable in any way. “I think we can remedy that.”
You gasped, pressing a hand against your chest as if scandalized. “I don’t know what you’re implying but–”
Michael laughed, interrupting you with, “You are crazy, you know that?” You only smiled at him. Of course you were the crazy one. Shaking his head, he suggested, “Here’s a proposal, we leave, I show you the city that you clearly don’t understand the awesomeness levels of, and I finish that tea that you don’t look like you wanted.” He got out of his seat and came around to your side of the table, offering you his hand should you agree to his plan. “It’s a win-win situation.”
You took his hand, rising to his level. “Fine. But the tea is mine.” You doinked the plastic cup against his surprisingly solid arm in a joking cheers and downed the rest of the…What would be the prestigious way to put it? Citrusy blend of organic green tea, highlighted with an ethically sourced lemonade, and made more palatable with a house-made simple syrup.
He laughed at you, leading you out of the building, hands still connected, guitar scars on your hand meeting the guitar scars on his. “Deal.”
You could faintly hear the barista say “Thank God,” as you left, and knew that it was definitely directed at the fact that the two of you were no longer in her lovely establishment.
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sugaxjpg · 3 years
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infamous; m
⤷  You would rather die than to have someone figure out about your sexual escapades with Local Fuckboy, Kim Taehyung. It was an ego thing. 
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✓ Couple: Taehyung x Reader | Fuckboy!AU & SecretRelationship!AU
✓ Filed under: smut 
✓ Look out for: bathroom sex, breast play, oral (male receiving) + deepthroat, fingering, dirty talk, unprotected sex (use condoms or i’ll kill u!!!), mirrors,switch!tae and switch!reader, taehyung being lowkey a prick but we’re all in for it 
✓ Words: 12,508
Author’s Note: Of course my year-long hiatus would end with a smut. What else can I say? I can hear the clown music from here. 
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“Like, can you actually believe that? He ghosted me for three weeks, then he had the nerve to ask for a tit pic.” She sighed, taking a slip from her neon green drink. You didn’t know how Hyejin could ingest something that resembled toxic waste and make it seem like it actually brought her some sort of comfort. “You know what? I’m done with men. All of them. We really are living in the medieval ti— Are you even listening to me?” 
You blinked twice, taken off guard by the clicking of her fingers in front of your eyes. Truth was, you were only half present, the other half of you scrutinizing the living room, trying to find a certain someone amongst the agglomeration of bodies. 
“Yeah, sure, sorry,” you apologized, leaning your side against the wall. Behind Hyejin, two guys started yelling about something related to Harry Potter and you couldn’t care less. “I was somewhere else for a second, but I’m here now. You were saying that he ghosted you?”
“Yeah, like an absolute idiot.” She rolled her eyes, gesticulating aggressively. You nervously watched the movements of the radioactive cup, worried that it would splash all over your clothes. You really should’ve thought twice before combining a white blouse with your black skirt — that was a catastrophe waiting to happen. “I’m never talking to him again. Or any man.”
“Hm,” you hummed, crossing your arms. You didn’t know who she was trying to convince, that must’ve been the fifth time you heard your friend giving you that speech (during that semester alone). “Who’s that again? Hoseok?” 
“The one and only,” she agreed, glimpsing at her side as if someone could even hear you two amongst the loud reverberation of the music. “Really, I don’t know how those guys haven’t been thrown out of the campus yet. They’re a hazard, all seven of them. A threat to public health.”
You shrugged. “From what I’ve heard, they pay their tuition and do well in class. That’s as far as the college cares.” 
She groaned. “I guess.” Another slip. A pause. Another one. Yep, you were designated driver for the night. “Could be worse, though, I could be one of the poor chicks that Taehyung fucks in his spare time.” 
Oh. 
You giggled, nervous. “Yeah, yeah,” you agreed, looking back at the mass of students. “Yeah, that’d be awful.” 
She hummed in concordance, taking her cup back to her lips. The two guys behind her decided to quit the arguments and moved away from the two of you, making you follow their figures as they dissipated amongst the crowd. You didn’t know how college parties managed to squeeze so many people in one small living room, but it was one of the mysteries of life, you guessed. 
“I don’t know what’s the deal with that one,” Hyejin continued. “It’s like he has a golden dick or something.” 
You furrowed your eyebrows, turning your attention back at her. “What do you mean?” 
“Doesn’t matter, he’s a complete douche.” She moved her hand as if she was scaring away an invisible fly. “Don’t even think about him. He’s the kind that uses and discards people.”
“You think so?” You asked.
“I know so,” she said. “I couldn’t even count on my fingers the amount of girls that had one night stands with Taehyung, and somehow became completely whipped by the dude, only to be told that he doesn’t ‘fuck the same person twice’. Like… What the fuck is that? Who says that?”  
You laughed, noticing the tinge of red that covered her cheeks. “You sound really drunk.” 
“So?” She asked. “I’m not bullshitting you. Taehyung is a prick and that’s gospel.” She raised her cup in a silent cheer, and took another slip. “I know you’re not involved in the fuckboy phenomena that plagues this campus, and, honestly, you’re better off that way. But trust me when I say that he isn’t worth the headache.” 
With an inattentive nod, you took another peek at the strangers in the room. “I believe you, don’t worry.” 
The worst part? You did. 
Even worse? There were two things wrong with what she had told you. 
Number one: yes, Taehyung was kind of a jerk sometimes. But he wasn’t completely soulless. He was fun to be around, actually, when he wasn’t surrounded by his smooth-brained friends, or trying to impress someone into sleeping with him. Also, you were pretty sure he told at least most of those girls that he wasn’t searching for anything serious, and a one-night stand was most likely all that they would get. 
You couldn’t speak for all of them, of course, but the ones that you knew personally, at least, had mentioned something along those lines to you. He didn’t exactly lead them on, trying to break their hearts just for the sake of it. Besides, Taheyung was already kind of infamous around campus for “using and discarding” people, as Hyejin had put, so it wasn’t precisely a surprise for anyone involved. 
Number two: Taehyung fucked the same person twice, if he felt like it. And you knew that because you’ve been fucking him on and off for the past five months or so. 
To your defense, you weren’t exactly after a “secret friends with benefits” relationship when you first met him. In fact, you didn’t expect that you would fall victim to his charms just like everyone else, melting under his tender kisses, moaning his name as he rolled his hips against you, edging your orgasm for longer than you could hold it. And you didn’t expect to like it as much as you did. 
Truth was: Kim Taehyung was everything, but he wasn’t dumb. He knew that he was attractive as hell; he knew that he had a voice so silky and deep that just saying the right words would be enough to have you in bed with him — and he knew how to use two two things very well. So, just like Eve, you followed the snake and bit the apple, and blah blah blah, eternal damnation or something like that. Big deal. 
You didn’t care much about being fuckbuddies with Taehyung, actually — he had his fun with other people in the meantime, and so did you —, but you pretty much could die at the idea that someone would find out. It was an ego thing, alright? You didn’t want people to know that you were interested in him, since you prided yourself in being a strong, independent woman, and to have people think that you were wrapped around his finger (which you absolutely wasn’t!) would not be a good look for your personal brand. 
And it got more complicated than that. The thing was that Taehyung had always been one to flaunt around his trophies. It wasn’t unheard of for him to just start talking about someone that he had fucked, maybe even giving a bit more detail than anyone else involved would appreciate. You knew that it was just a matter of time before your name dropped from his lips at the wrong time, in front of his ape-brained friends, and everyone would discover that you were added to his long lists of booty calls. 
So, when you asked to keep that first night a secret, you were surprised when he quickly accepted it. 
Against all expectations, Taehyung didn’t fall into his old pattern when it came to you. He had been the one to text you first, calling you over to his place — which he made sure to be empty — and he had been the first one to suggest that you two kept meeting up after that. Now, let’s not get this mixed up: it wasn’t an undisclosed crush, it wasn’t love. It was just Taehyung fulfilling some weird-ass kink of his. He liked to have you when he wanted it, the way he wanted it, and he liked the thrill of it all being undisclosed — to him, it felt like you two were doing something wrong, which managed to turn him on even more. 
Also, you were human, alright? There was something extremely tempting about sleeping with someone as almighty as Kim Taehyung, King of Fuckboys, especially when he kept coming back to you. It’s only nature to want to feel special every once in a while. 
Again: it was an ego thing. 
Even if your pride told you otherwise, you decided, again and again, to come back to him. Late at night in your apartment, when your roommate had already gone to sleep, and he was buried deep between your legs, licking your wetness and sucking on your clit. Or maybe in the interval between your classes, when you two managed to get the locker rooms empty, and he fucked you so hard against one of the lockers that you could swear someone would come see what was going on with all that banging against the metal. 
But no, no one ever caught you. Not Hyejin or any of your other friends. As far as you were aware, Taehyung’s group didn’t know a thing either, which made you appreciate him even more. 
See? He wasn’t a total douchebag. He had the most basic sense of loyalty. 
And, yeah, you didn’t like lying to your friends, but it was a necessary measure. You were sure they would kill you if they found out about your private escapades with the Local Fuckface McGee: half out of sheer panic for your emotional well-being, and the other half out of pure jealousy. You didn’t think much about it most of the time, since you kind of understood Taehyung’s side: you simply liked the thrill, and you weren’t actually doing anything illegal. No one really had to know.
Rupturing the bubble of your nostalgia, your friend’s voice startled you back into reality. 
“Who are you looking for?” Hyejin furrowed her eyebrows, staring you down intensely. She had been your friend for three years, and you were absolutely certain she could see through your bullshit — well, most of the time. “Do you have a dick appointment that I don’t know about?” 
You laughed, your voice coming out an octave higher than you intended it to. “What? No!” So subtle, congratulations. “I’m just searching for a friend. She owes me a bit of money and she’s been avoiding me for some time.” 
You were impressed at the ease that the lie left your tongue. At the same time, you had been doing that for five months now — keeping your distance from mentioning anything Taehyung, figuring out excuses to get away from your friends at the weirdest of times — , so you guessed that was something that came with practice. 
“You want me to beat her up?” Hyejin offered. Just a glimpse was all that you needed to know that she was dead serious. “Give me her name. I promise I just wanna talk.” 
“No, it’s fine,” you said, chuckling at her aggressive demeanor. “It’s not a lot of money, I’m not super worried. I’m just tired of being avoided.” 
She smirked, taking another slip from her cup. How didn’t the drink end yet? That cup was infinite. “You and me both, sister.” 
Your lips parted, but, before you managed to let anything out, a loud sound of men screaming in excitement overlapped the beat of the electronic song. Hyejin met your eyes with a mixture of puzzlement and interest and, in an unspoken agreement, you two decided to see what the fuss was about. 
Lucky for you, you two didn’t even have to take two steps to figure it out. Since the large opening to the living room was right besides you, all that you needed to do was to take a look through it, right at the kitchen, to see the beautiful, Animal Planet view of Hoseok drinking beer upside down. 
“Hyejin?” You called calmly, eyes still glued to the spectacle.
“Yes, love?” She answered, absent-minded. 
“You know who’s throwing this party, right?” 
She shrugged. “I might.” 
You suspired, taking a step back so you could stare at her. Behind you, people walked towards the kitchen, pumped to see if Hoseok could drink the entire thing (as if he didn’t do that in every single party he throwed). “So, there’s any other reason why you dragged me to Hoseok’s party, besides one that you needed someone to keep you company while you waited to be dicked down?” 
“Great deduction, Sherlock.” She smiled, eyes shining in enthusiasm. You looked at Hoseok, then back at Hyejin. Maybe she wouldn’t have any grounds to judge you and Taehyung after that circus performance. “I’ll make it up to you, don’t worry.” 
“I’m not worried about that.” You crossed your arms. Seokjin, who was holding Hoseok by the ankles, pterodactyl-screeched in joy as the boy reached the end of the beer. Two more slips and he’d be good to go. “You sent him the tit pic, didn’t you?” 
Hyejin licked her lips, taking a hand up to fix her hair. “I’m only human,” she said. “Besides, I had already invested a lot on him. I even did a full body shave. I couldn’t just not do it.” 
You laughed at the idea, watching as she became more and more distracted by the man. A group had already formed around Hoseok, and you knew it was just a matter of when Hyejin would do the same. 
“What happened about being over all men?” You asked. 
“Yeah, yeah… After tonight. Right now I’m planning to get under one.” She gave you her neon green cup with a harsh movement, and you held it without thinking much about it. “I’ll see you later, Y/N. Hold my drink for me.”
“Have a great night, I guess,” you raised the sound of your voice as she began to walk away. “Text me when you get home!” 
She responded without turning back, giving you a thumbs up over her head. “You too, girlie!” 
And, just like that, she was gone. 
Disappointed but not surprised, you sighed and placed your body back against the wall. From the kitchen, a roaring applause exploded, and you knew that Hoseok had finished his Herculean task. Good for him. 
You stared down. The sharp shade of green reflected on the skin of your hands, looking like something straight out of Chernobyl. You took the cup to your nostrils and gave it an experimental sniff, your nose cringing at the appalling smell. Fighting the disgust that had built in your stomach, you quickly took it away from your face, and decided to place it on a table nearby. No wonder Hyejin was so out of it, the poor girl was suffering from radiation poisoning. 
The Chainsmorkers started to play and you asked yourself why the fuck was Satan in charge of the music. All around you, strangers fumbled to the rhythm of the song, a girl even falling to her knees at one bad turn of the ankle, then turning her gaze up at her friends and laughing maniacally. The odor that enveloped you was strong and nauseating — Axe body spray, probably — and the thumping of the sound was starting to get annoying. Since you were alone with your thoughts, there wasn’t much left besides to hyperfocus on those details, which was all but a pleasant pastime. 
You crossed your arms, bored out of your mind, and thought that it might be the wiser decision to go back to your place and just sleep the night off. Yeah, the semester was already ending, most of your tests and projects had passed, but that didn’t mean you weren’t completely exhausted at all the accumulated stress you had endured. Now that Hyejin had moved on with her plan, you didn’t have much of a part to play in that party anyways. 
A couple almost tripped on you as they giggled their way towards the stairs, probably searching for an available room. What a nice reminder. You pressed your lips together, then peaked back at the kitchen, where you only saw Seokjin, Namjoon and Jungkook leaning over a pile of red cups — Yoongi right behind them, seeming like he was about to kick the whole thing down. You didn’t know where Taehyung was, but he most likely already left with someone else. 
You turned back to your previous position, crossing your arms in frustration. Great. Your friend was after her sexting partner, and your own booty call was probably balls deep inside someone else by then. Really, there wasn’t much that you could do in there. It would be better if you just left while your dignity was still intact. 
With a sigh, you pushed your body away from the wall, fumbling with your purse. You were praying that Hyejin remembered to give you the car keys, otherwise you would be trapped in that place for god knows how lo— 
Oh there he fucking was. 
The moment that you saw Taehyung, sitting on the couch across the room from you, it was like you forgot to breathe for a moment. That little demon incarnated looked better than you had anticipated — dressed in all black, with his thighs spread across the seat, ready to be fucked right then and there. His dark hair was parted in the middle, a few stubborn strands falling over his angelic features, and his thumb distractedly circled his lower lip as his gaze navigated around the room, staring at nothing in particular. Next to him, you could see another one of his friends — Jimin, if you were not mistaken — talking about something animatedly, but the other man was paying no attention. 
His expression was one of irritation, you noticed, with his thick eyebrows moving together, jaw clenching. It was pretty erotic, if you said so yourself. You didn’t know what Jimin was telling him, but you sure hoped he wouldn’t stop anytime soon. 
When he saw you, however, Taehyung’s perceived annoyance instantly dissipated. 
With your mind racing in anticipation, you watched as his eyes met your own, then trailed down your body with desire, stopping around the level of your thighs for a bit longer than you had predicted. You knew that stare awfully well — it was the same one that Taehyung gave you when he saw you around campus, the silent provocation that told you, and only you, that he really wanted to have some alone time right now. 
A sly smirk sprouted at the corner of his lips, and he leaned back against the couch. You followed his movements as he reached towards his pocket and came back with his phone, staring at you as he did so. The phantasmagoric white light casted odd shadows over his face as he unlocked it, taking a final glance at your expectant features before he started to type something. Once he was done, he locked his phone and placed it back where it had come from. 
Inside your purse, your own phone beeped happily. 
You licked your lips, trying your best to forge indifference as you reached for your device. You swore you could still feel his eyes still burning on you, impatient and deep, watching your every move with eagerness. 
[00:23] Taehyung: so glad to see that you came bby 
[00:23] Taehyung: do me a favor and meet me in the bathroom upstairs, will ya? Second door to the right ;) 
Yep, new plans: you would stay there a bit longer. 
Hammering against your chest, your heart seemed as if it was about to jump out of your mouth by the time that you turned your attention back to the couch. Taehyung, however, had already gotten up, and you had the chance to take a last glance towards his beautiful form as he walked towards the stairs. Jimin, from the couch, appeared to be as lost as they come. 
From the kitchen, the resounding complaint of the group you had seen before ruptured your hypnotized state — Yoongi had, in fact, kicked everything down. Taken aback by the carnality that permeated your chest, you locked your phone without typing an answer and leaned back against the wall, deciding it would be best to wait a minute or two before following him upstairs. Amongst your thoughts, a part of you was still judging whether you adored or despised Kim Taehyung, and the intoxicating effect he had on you. 
Finally, you decided to take the stairs. You wondered, as you opened your way through the ocean of sweaty bodies and spilling drinks, if you weren’t trying too hard to rationalize and catastrophize something that was actually very simple. It was a story with a start, a middle part, and a satisfying ending: you two wanted to fuck each other, you did, then you moved right on. No hidden feelings, no strings attached. That was it. Couldn’t get any better than that. 
Regardless, it wasn’t everything about that, and you knew it. It was about overhearing other girls talking as you made your way upstairs, complaining about how ridiculously hot he was, or about how he didn’t call them back after he gave them the best night of their lives. It was about having that steamy, trembling secret between the two of you. It was about knowing that yeah, Taehyung was crazy hot — and you could have that whenever you wanted. It was about hearing him complain about his friends, who told him that you’d never give him a chance, and seeing the delectable pleasure in which he vangloriared himself, knowing very well that you and him had a second life to share whenever suited. 
You reached the second floor with electric currents running through your veins, anticipation building like a tidal wave inside your abdomen. You two had never done something like that so close to so many people and, yet, you adored the idea even more. 
The cold metal of the door handle met the palm of your hand and you tried it once, twice, with no effect. After looking at the corridor and making sure that Taehyung was nowhere else to be seen — besides the fact that, if he didn’t manage to get the bathroom, he would surely text you a different location — you were left to assume that he wanted to know that it was you who waited at the other side. 
With a sigh, you took your phone out of your purse. Maybe your fingers weren’t as steady as you’d like them to be, but no one needed to know about that. 
[00:27] You: plz open the door thx
Expectantly, you placed your phone back and tried to overhear some sort of sound signifying that he was moving closer to the door — but the song was so loud that you could barely understand your own thoughts. The next seconds that you stood there, just waiting for him to open the door, had been the longest ones you had endured in your life. 
Eventually, however, the door creaked open. 
You gave one last, paranoid glimpse at the strangers in the corridor, but none of them seemed to notice that Taehyung hadn’t left the bathroom by the time that you came in, locking the door behind you. 
It was like stepping into a different reality. The lights inside the bathroom were absurdly bright when compared to the dim environment that expanded outside; the obnoxious song and chatter had instantly morphed into a muted exclamation outside of the door, only the reverberation of the bass making itself present. Just like the calm before the storm, there was a moment of tranquility between the instant that you locked the door, and the one that you saw him. 
As you turned around, dwelling in his proximity, you thought about a million things at the same time — about teasing him about his location choice, or maybe about how he must’ve been going through a drought, if he had to count on his covert booty call to get laid in a party. You thought about how gorgeous he looked, about how his eyes glistened in interest as he took a quiet step towards you, his roseate tongue coming out to lick his lips. 
Regardless, before you could say anything, Taehyung’s lips were on your own, attacking your mouth in a fervorous kiss. You whimpered in surprise as he pushed you against the closed bathroom door, his hands circling your waist as he squeezed your body against his. Your purse fell on the ground with a muffled sound, but you barely even noticed it. 
Taehyung had always been an intense kisser to say the least, but that night it was something else. That night, he was kissing you as if he physically couldn’t contain himself long enough to do anything else; as if all that he could think of doing was to feel the heavenly contact of your mouth against his, your fingers pulling on the strands of his hair. As he invited his tongue inside your mouth, Taehyung groaned and lowered his hands, squeezing your ass like he was about to lose every last ounce of sanity he had left in him. 
You sighed as he moved his focus onto your neck, placing open-mouthed kisses in a way that you knew would leave a mark the next day. “Someone’s excited,” you commented, slightly breathless. Your only response was another groan, and the rolling of his hips against you, where you could feel his cock, already semi-hard, pressing against your inner thigh. “Couldn’t even bother to take me somewhere else.” 
One of his hands moved up to your hair, pulling your head sideways so he could have a better access to your neck. “I need to have you now,” his deep voice came out muffled against your skin, the reverberations of his timbre propagating directly towards your center. 
“You’re starting to get more adventurous with this.” You bit down on your lower lip and he sucked your flesh, groping your ass once again. “Parties used to be so off limits to you.” 
Taehyung chuckled against your neck, moving back towards your mouth. He started making out with you again, his breath hot and heavy against your face, and you thought you could very well pass out at the level of craving that had built inside you. “I changed my mind.” He spoke as he leaned back. 
You smirked at his attitude. “We’ll end up getting caught.” 
“Aw, baby.” He pouted, looking at you with artificial pity. Okay, he could be kind of a prick sometimes. “You’re the one who’s worried. And you came all the way up here because you wanted to. You know I’m not one to insist.”
“I can leave, then?” You raised one eyebrow, fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck. 
“You can, the door is right behind you,”  Taehyung told you, quickly losing interest in that conversation. “But something tells me you won’t.” 
You didn’t even try to respond, because there was nothing to be said: both of you knew what you were doing there, and the idea of walking out was just too ridiculous to consider. 
With a suspire, you watched as Taehyung moved his lips down your chest, stopping at the fabric of your blouse. 
“What if someone hears us?’ You suddenly remembered, heartbeat quickening at the thought. 
“What is it, baby?” He asked as his fingers worked on your buttons, exposing more of your torso. That slow pace of his was going to kill you one of those days. “You’re worried that people are going to find out about this? About us?” 
You opened your mouth to respond, but his chuckle — so deep and melodious — caught you off guard. 
“How scandalous, right? Y/N is not the pure little thing she makes herself to be,” Taehyung continued, finally opening your blouse and fully exposing your bra to him. He licked his lips at the sight, humming with delight. “Red lace? You really want to tease me.” 
You swallowed dry as the man took the fabric off your shoulders and gently placed besides the sink, above a towel. He could be so thoughtful sometimes. “Taehyung, I—“ 
“You’re such a little brat sometimes, do you know that?” he interrupted, eyes following his own movements as his hands circled your body, moving to unclasp your bra. And of course he got it right on the first try. “You came all the way up here just to get fucked, and now you’re worried that people are going to know about it.” 
You stared him down, a smirk already creeping up at the corner of your lips. “How does that make me a brat?” 
He chuckled. “Look at you, trying to play the naive card on me.” Another agile movement of his fingers and your bra was joining your blouse besides the sink. Taehyung sighed tentatively at the image of your exposed breasts, trying to imprint that sight into the back of his mind. “Pretending as if you don’t know exactly what you’re doing. You can drop the act now, baby.”
“I don’t—“
His mouth attacking your breasts was all that you needed to shut up and let him do what he went there to do. Overwhelmed by the sensation, you let out a gasp as his hand squeezed you, playing with your soft boobs as he moaned against your skin. 
“I love it so much.” Taehyung hummed as he sucked on your breasts, moaning at the marvelous sensation of your warm skin against his tongue. You had almost forgotten how much Taehyung ached to play with your boobs; how often he would squeeze them, suck them; find excuses to feel them against his body. Not that you were complaining. “And I love that it’s all for me.” He breathed out before attacking your other nipple. “All of this… all mine.” 
You whimpered at the contact, arching your back in a failed attempt to get closer to him. As much as you knew he was most likely just saying whatever he thought would turn you on — besides, you two had already agreed on a pretty open “relationship” —, Taehyung’s words expanded inside your chest, building a heat that seemed to suffocate you. Even if you knew it was bullshit, you liked to be called his. Ego strokes and all of that. 
“Taehyung…” There was only a thin wooden door separating you two from the outside world, and you couldn’t care less if they heard you calling out his name. That boy really did wonders to your anxiety. 
But he also liked to tease you. 
He moved away from your breasts and you almost — almost — cried out in frustration. 
Taehyung traced his kisses back to your neck, then to your jawline. You were going crazy with all that back and forth. “Baby, I’m not gonna lie, I understand where you’re coming from,” he said. “I like to keep this as a secret too. It’s so hot.” 
You almost forgot how to inhale when he aligned his face with yours, placing a pec on your swollen lips. “Yeah?” You asked, sounding as if you were in a daydream. 
“Yeah,” he agreed, breathless. Even if Taehyung tried his best to look as he was under absolute control, you knew that he couldn’t keep that front for too long. He was clearly turned on, and the hardness pressing against your thigh was all of the proof that you needed. “It’s so great to know that I have one of the sexiest girls on campus just for myself…” His hand trailed up your thighs, adventuring in the lands beneath your skirt. “And no one knows.”
You bit your lower lip, anticipating the contact of his hand against your core. “I thought you were the kind to kiss and tell.”
“Most times,” he mumbled, gifting you with another small pec. “Not with you. I like it like this. Having you when I want, how I want, and only you and I know.”
But you weren’t satisfied with his answer.  His hand did a turn and decided to make a quick stop on your ass, the feeling of skin against skin making your lower body tingle. “What’s so enticing about it?” You asked. 
He smiled. “Ah… many things.”
Your stare didn’t falter. “I’d like an exemple.” 
Instead of answering you straight away, Taehyung decided to take his sweet time. He leaned his head to the side and kissed you feverishly, growing satisfied at the small whimpers and suspires that echoed in between your mouths. His hands were all over you: on your ass, your waist, down your thighs and up your hips, where his eyes could not see. You only had your skirt and your panties on, and it was so frustrating to still feel him fully dressed against you. 
At last, Taehyung pulled away, placing his forehead against yours. As he spoke, you felt the tingle of his hands as they moved towards the hem of your panties. “I like seeing you walk around campus, knowing that you’re so sore from the night before,” he spoke slowly, his voice in a low vibration against your mouth. “And I know you don’t tell any of your friends about it. About how I fucked you so good that you almost cried, and that it’s the next day, and you can barely walk.” 
You hummed, closing your eyes. “What else?”
Much to your dismay, his hands left your underwear again, coming out to pull you closer. “When you send me those audios late at night,” he was breathing out hard then, drowning in those lewd memories. “Playing with your little cunt, crying out my name… shit,” he cursed. “How am I supposed to say no to that? So there I go, out the door, telling my friends that I’m gonna see this crazy hot chick and I’m gonna fuck her brains out…” he hesitated. “And I just get this... rush because they don’t know it’s you.” 
“And how do you know that I like any of it?” You teased. 
Taehyung chuckled at your question. Both of you knew that it was plastered all over your face, but he could keep up that little teasing if you wanted to. “Two reasons,” he said. “First: you do the same to me, or don’t you?” 
“I don’t recall,” you responded, forging innocence. Okay, maybe you did play the naive part a bit much. 
“Oh no? What a terrible memory you have.” He placed a strand of your hair behind your ear, his words hitting your skin in heated, libidinous waves. Taehyung was so close that you could count his eyelashes if you wanted to, his torso squeezed so tight against yours that you wondered how you even managed to breathe in that position. “It was just last week, baby. You called me to your flat after your roommate had left.” One of his hands went back to play with the hem of your underwear, fingertips feeling like lit matches against your skin. “You opened so wide for me, you were so wet already. You got so horny with just the thought of having my cock, isn’t that right?” 
Much to your surprise, your voice came out a lot more steady than you had expected. “Don’t flatter yourself, you don’t know that.”
Taehyung chuckled, placing his warm, swollen lips against the skin of your neck. “I don’t,” he agreed, digits pressing against your clothed clit. You knew he could feel how soaked your panties had become, so there was no reason to keep that up. Regardless, you kind of liked it. “But I do remember how much you wanted me that night, whining and begging me to fill you up with my cock. How many times did I fuck you that night, uh? Four? Five times? And you just had to keep quiet, because your neighbors might have been listening. That was so cute.” 
You sighed, your insides in knots over the tension you were sustaining. You hated him sometimes. Hated how good he was. “I wasn’t counting.” 
“I know, baby.” He swiftly pulled the fabric of your underwear to the side, his long fingers digging into your wet heat. Memories of them fucking you open flooded your mind, sending a shockwave directly through your torso and towards your pussy. “And this right here, baby, is the second reason. Look at this: you’re soaked.” His digits moved, teasing your entrance, and the sound was so lewd that you had to suppress a moan. “You’re always so ready to take me. I love that. You’re so good to me.” 
God, you were about to lose it.
With the force of then thousand warriors, you held back another less-than-graceful sound from escaping your lips. You knew how much Taehyung liked you being loud (something to do with the adrenaline of getting caught, nothing new to see here), and so you had to keep your cool. It wouldn’t be so fun if you just gave him everything he wanted. 
“So quiet all of a sudden.” His nose delicately trailed up your neck, his mouth meeting the angle of your jaw in hot, open kisses. In an attempt to ground yourself, your hands flew to his shoulders, nails digging through his shirt. You could still feel Taehyung’s fingers playing with your wet folds, seeing how much you could take before you were begging for them to enter you. You hated him. Or not. You didn’t know. “I know I leave you speechless, baby, but I wanna hear you too.” 
Strong and steady, his other hand met the curvature of your waist, pressing your body against his. In a mindless reflex, you perked up your ass at the contact, making his fingers slip closer to your soaking entrance. 
“Nothing? Baby, you’re especially irresistible tonight.” Taehyung’s eyes were somewhat dazed, unfocused and hooded. He appeared as if he was two seconds away from fucking you raw against the wall, and you seriously wouldn’t mind. “You know why I called you here?” 
“Because you want to fuck me,” you responded without missing a beat. 
“I do, of course.” He placed his forehead against yours, and you whimpered weakly as two of his fingers finally (finally!) made their way into your heat, stretching you nicely. “That’s it, baby, don’t hold back.”
Instead of answering, another slow, delicious moan dripped like honey from your tongue. Taehyung grunted, satisfied at your responses, and quickened the pace inside your walls; your eyelashes fluttering shut at the ambrosial sensation. He had told you once about how much he liked that part: knowing that you were getting ready for his cock, but already so eager to cum around his fingers. 
Did he tell you that while he fingered you inside his car? Yes. Did anyone else have to know that? Absolutely not. 
“You know what I was doing before I came here?” His question caught you off guard. 
You didn’t even know if you were able to answer for a second, but, happily, the word didn’t have any issue coming out. “What?”
He took a deep, sharp breath, curling his fingers inside you. You pressed your back against the door at the shock of his digits brushing against your sensitive spot, one of your hands flying to your mouth in a way to suppress a particularly loud exclamation of pleasure. “I was listening to Jimin complain about how much he wanted to have you in his bed tonight,” his voice came out in a harsh tone, full of spikes and pointed corners. “Over and over, like a broken record. He can be so explicit when he wants to. It’s unbearable.”
You bit your bottom lip, rolling your hip against his hand. Your body was starting to tingle, the muscles in your legs turning into jello, and you knew that you wouldn’t be able to hold it much longer. As you spoke, you noticed touches of bliss ornamenting your syllables, your words coming out with a bit more difficulty than before. “Oh, so you’re jealous?” You teased.
“Me? Never,” he was quick to respond, groaning at the feeling of your walls clenching around him; his cock throbbing painfully against the fabric of his pants. “I’m just… trying to change your mind.”
“My mind?” You echoed, only half-aware of that conversation. Pleasure was starting to build in alarming rates, and you were starting to lose your trail of thought. “I haven't even decided anything yet.” 
“After I’m done, baby, you won’t need to,”  his voice came out in a profound whisper, sounding like a sweet melody against your ear. “I’m going to fuck you so hard and slow, so deep,” he stressed that word, making your pussy throb around his fingers at the idea, “that you won’t want to have anyone else for the night. Only me.” 
It sounded a bit like possessiveness or jealousy to you, but, honestly, you chose not to pick that conversation for the night. It was probably some kind of acting on his part too. Besides, you weren’t interested in any of Taehyung’s friends, so he didn’t need to worry about Jimin, or anyone else, making a move — especially when he was fingering you so well that you were about to forget your name. 
“And the best part, baby, is that no one will even know it,” he continued, separating his fingers slightly so he could scissor you. Against your best judgement, your knees were getting weaker by the minute, the knot in your abdomen about to untie. “Just you and I. Just the two of us will know how much you begged to be filled up with my cock, how wet you already are just for my fingers.” 
“Taehyung,” you called out, hands tangling themselves in the roots of his silky hair. You moaned out his name again, your voice coming out in such a promiscuous tone that he felt as if he was about to cum on the spot. God, Taehyung loved hearing the effect he had on you. “I’m close.” 
“I know, baby,” he whispered against your ear. His voice was so hoarse, so permeated by desire, that you knew that he was holding back too. His cock was hard and throbbing against your legs, and every minor movement of your thigh against his erection was enough for him to lose his breath for a moment. “But I don’t want you to cum, not yet.” 
Again, he pulled away. 
Taehyung wanted you to complain, to whine about the lack of contact or the warmness of his body — and so, just because you knew that it was his plan, you didn’t do any of that. 
You didn’t say a word as he moved his fingers away from your wetness, his other hand coming down to grope your ass. You didn’t flinch when he looked you deep inside your eyes, guiding his fingers between your lips, watching as your mouth obediently took them in, humming as you sucked your own wetness, never breaking eye contact. 
“Fuck,” he cursed, drowing in the sensation of your warm tongue licking his fingers. You didn’t think that Taehyung was fully aware of the way that his hips had rolled against yours, fighting for relief. “You’re so fucking hot, it’s unreal.”  
And you knew that he said that praise to every poor soul that crossed his path, but it still managed to have some effect on you. Again: you were human, and Taehyung knew what the fuck he was doing. 
But so did you.
Before he could try and do anything else, you pressed your palms against his chest, gently pushing him a few steps away from you. Taehyung followed your lead, watching as you got down to your knees, facing his erection. 
In measured, lackadaisical movements, you pressed your lips against his covered cock, feeling its handness against your mouth. Air got stuck in Taehyung’s throat as he watched you, like a hungry lion, as you undid his pants and pulled them down, gifting you with the sight of his white boxers. 
Just because you knew he liked it, you moaned at the glorious sight of his big, heavy cock already so hard and ready for you; fingers caressing the tip of his member, where a small stain of precum already started to form. Taehyung was so on the edge that he hissed at the contact, one of his hands meeting the back of your head in a mindless impulse. “Don’t tease,” he warned. 
“Oh, so you can and I can’t?” You leaned your head to the side, and planted a kiss on his cock before looking up at him. May the heavens have mercy on you, because you never saw Taehyung so pissed off and turned on at the same time. “I think I could even make you cum like this if I wanted to. I’ve done it before.” 
“Don’t you dare,” he struggled to get out.
“What? You liked when I did that the other times,” you cooled. “Sometimes you didn’t even need my mouth.” 
He closed his eyes, trying to fight the moan that started to climb up his throat. “Stop.” 
“What? You don’t remember?” You asked, placing another kiss on his member, closer to tip that time. “When I let you grind against my ass in the library? You came just by humping me, pants and all.” 
With a cute smile, your hand squeezed his dick, before moving up and down, following its thick outline. Taehyung was dumbfounded, left to watch as your delicate hands worked on his erection with unbearable patience, his eyes glued to every action that you made — the fluttering of your eyelashes, the innocent gazes that you threw his way every time your lips met the cotton of his underwear. If you kept it up for long enough, he was sure he would cum all over his boxers. 
Still, the gods above had heard his prayers, and Taehyung watched as you pulled his underwear down. Without a second of hesitation, you moaned as your tongue licked him all the way from the base to the top, lips enveloping his crown as you sucked on it ever so slightly. 
“Oh, fuck,” he cried out, fingers pulling on your hairstrands. “That’s good, fuck.” 
You hummed, content at his reaction, and pushed him deeper inside your warm mouth, one of your hands holding at the base of his cock. Beneath your other palm, you could feel as the muscles of his thigh tensed up at the sensation. His lips open slighlty, allowing for a long, erotic moan to echo inside the bathroom as you started to set a pace, sucking him slowly, just like you knew it drove him mad. 
“You’re so fucking good at this, baby,” Taehyung groaned, unable to keep his eyes open for much longer. The vision of him was ethereal: head thrown back, mouth slightly agape, eyebrows forming an expression of sheer pleasure and concentration. You cursed your own eyes as they started to water, preventing you from watching him a bit further. “Oh, that’s right, just like that.. you suck me so well, fuck.” 
The pulsating, unsatisfied sensation of need between your thighs only grew, your walls clenching around nothing and your heart beating fast against your chest. You could taste as his precum leaked inside your mouth, his fragmented breaths and whines showing you that Taehyung also wasn’t made of steel. As much as you’d like to see him cum soon, you also needed to be taken care of.
After a particularly hard suck, you pulled your mouth away from his member, and looked up at him. The lack of contact was all that Taehyung needed to open his eyes and stare down at you, surprised at the interruption of his pleasure.
“Taehyung,” you tried your best to make your voice sound as pure and sensual as you could. His eyes widened slightly at the sound — no matter how hard he tried to make it seem like he was annoyed by that saint act of yours, you knew that it drove him insane. “I want you to fuck me now, please.” 
You watched as his face presented a thousand emotions at the same time, and then eventually settled on the cool, controlled dominance you adored so much. Another surge of pleasure ran down your body, much stronger this time, and the feeling of your soaked panties against your pussy was making you go insane with anticipation. 
“I love it when you ask politely.” He placed his hand on your chin, trailing your lower lip with his thumb. “Get up, baby,” he commanded. 
Without an ounce of hesitation, you did as you were told, letting your body be guided by his large hands. 
Taehyung turned you around and leaned you against the sink, positioning himself behind you. “Back to me, ass up,” he said, “Keep it like this, alright?” 
You nodded, unsure that you could say anything else. 
“Good girl.” Taehyung once again held your chin up, making you stare at your own reflection in the mirror for a second before your eyes traveled towards his. God, he was an absolute mess. In the best of ways. “I want you to look at it.”
Any second now, your legs would give out and you would crash down on the floor — or, at least, that’s the sensation you had. It was unbearable to watch as Taehyung took his time removing his shirt; then your skirt and your panties, dripping them down your legs one by one, his mouth so deliciously close to your heat that you felt like you could faint. 
“So pretty,” he mumbled to himself, watching your pussy with desire. “So fucking wet.” 
“I want to feel you, please.” You arched your back, throwing your hips closer to his. 
“Like this, baby?” With a glorious roll of his hips against yours, you felt as his cock moved in between your folds, his head only touching your clit slightly. The sensation alone was enough to make you perk your ass up at him, a motion that wasn’t left unnoticed by his part. 
He smirked at your reaction. “Such a pure little thing, aren’t you?” Taehyung’s hands palmed your ass, moving like snakes towards your waist, where they held you in place. Another roll of his hips and the contact of his dick against your clit made your knees buckle. “You’re so polite, just asking for my cock again and again… You don’t even notice how wet you get thinking about it, grinding against it. Isn’t that so?” 
You had no option but to agree, lowering your head to look at the marble sink beneath you. “Yeah,” your voice came out in a pathetic whine, but you couldn’t even care about it. You just wanted to feel him inside you. “It’s all for you, Taehyung.” 
“Good girl,” he praised, taking one of his hands to guide his cock towards your opening. Expectant, you held your breath, but he didn’t slide in just yet. “Just tell me what you want, come on.” Again, he leaned in and pushed your chin up. “And look at me while you say that.”  
Obediently, you did. Taehyung was a greek god then. Under the pale yellow lights of the bathroom, his lips were swollen and red, the lower one being bit lightly by his teeth; his entire expression permeated by lust as he dove into the sensation of his cock teasing your entrance. He stared at you like you were good enough to eat, his eyes coruscating with so much hunger that you couldn’t even think about anything else but him. No wonder you kept coming back. His entire presence was engulfing every fiber of your being. 
Maybe Kim Taehyung did have a golden dick, after all. 
“I want you to fuck me, Taehyung,” a sentence had never been so clear, so sincere. From the corner of your eye, you could see your own face, desperate and pleading, as you fumbled closer to his member. “Please. I need to feel you inside me.” 
With a hum, he kissed the nape of your neck. “Whatever my girl wants.” 
And, before you could even think about his words, your thoughts were broken as you moaned out his name, feeling as his big cock stretched you, hitting all the right spots. You had missed that sensation so much, of being so full of him, so hypnotized by the movements of his body against yours, that you didn’t even compute the shuddering breath that departed from his mouth, nor the curse that he had let out once he felt the warmness of your walls around his aching member. 
He thought he could lose his last ounces of sanity as he pulled out just enough to leave only his tip in, before throwing his lips against yours and filling you back up. Soon enough, Taehyung was setting a rhythm, unable to control his comments as he kept thrusting inside you. 
“So tight, baby,” he spoke in a whisper, almost as if you weren’t supposed to hear it. His face in the mirror was the most beautiful sight you had ever seen: Taehyung was so lost in pleasure that his features had morphed into an expression of sheer bliss; all of his concentration directed at the movements of your body, the way that your walls held him with so much desire. “You take my cock so well… Shit, you’re making me go crazy.” 
Taehyung’s breath quivered and he leaned his body towards you, fighting for balance. He had one of his hands on your waist, and the other was holding down to the sink, leveling his figure as he started to thrust into you in that different angle — just as slow, hard and deep as he had promised. 
You rolled your head back once he hit the right spot inside you, your moans going up an octave. “Fuck, right there, Taehyung,” you whined, barely aware of the volume of your voice. To hell with it, the music was too loud anyways. “There, right there, don’t stop.” 
“Here?” He groaned, thrusting in the exact place that made you cry out. “That’s it, baby, let it out.” 
And you wanted to prolong that moment for as long as you could, but, truth was, he had played around with you enough that you knew you wouldn’t last much. Even sucking his cock, feeling as he mumbled and trembled under your touches, had been enough to keep you turned on. Again: you were only human, and the paradisiacal feeling of Taehyung’s cock filling you up to the brim, hitting your sweet spot with forceful thrusts, was a bit more than you could endure. 
“Taehyung, I think I’m close,” you told him, feeling as your arms grew weaker beneath you. It was just a matter of time before your legs started shaking too. “I’m gonna cum.”
“Shh, that’s fine, baby.” He moved your hair away from your back, placing a trail of sloppy kisses on your shoulders. “Come on, cum around my cock. I want to feel you.” 
“It’s so big, Taehyung,” you moaned, closing your eyes in defeat. You could tell that your pleasure was already building up too much, too fast. You couldn’t help it: he was stretching you so fantastically that every part of you was on overdrive, the pent-up tension of the entire night culminating in one long, edging orgasm. 
“It’s all yours, baby, all of it,” he told you, guiding you towards your high. God, his voice was so hoarse, so sweet. “Cum for me, okay? And don’t hold back, I want to hear you.” 
Just like that, you came with a loud moan and the calling of his name in a repetitive prayer, walls clenching around him in a way that made him lose his grip on reality. You whimpered at the pleasure, that now was gradually subsiding, and lowered your body against the marble, feeling how cold it was, how different it was from the rest of the bathroom. 
“That’s it, baby, yeah… That was so fucking hot.” Taehyung groaned behind you, picking up the pace of his thrusts. He was moving you so hard that you could feel your hip bones being pressed against the corners of the marble surface, the dirty sound of wetness and skin against skin filling the ambient. “Look at all this… so wet and tight, even after coming so hard.” 
From the way that Taehyung’s movements started to get sloppier, you could tell that he was losing himself in his own sense of pleasure, getting closer to his own climax. “All of this… all for me,” he moaned out, eyes glued to the motion of his cock coming in and out of your dripping center. “You’re so good, baby. Fuck, I could have you like this forever.”
The pounding of his hips against your ass was getting so intense that you could feel tears accumulating at the corners of your eyes, fingers trembling under the weight of overstimulation. Taehyung had fucked you hard before, but you just couldn’t get used to how fantastic it felt. 
“I’m close,” he cried out behind you, his breath coming out in broken, tremulous expirations. “Can I cum on your mouth, baby? I want to see you swallow everything.” 
You nodded, mouth salivating at the thought. 
“Fuck.” He groaned. “That’s my girl.” 
Taehyung pulled away from you and you moved fast, getting back down on your knees as he guided his cock, so red and swollen, against your lips. 
You opened your mouth to accommodate him, taking his member slowly at first, thinking it would be better to adjust to its size. After that part was done — and Taehyung had already turned into a quivering mess above you — you proceeded to move your head, sucking his cock as hard as you could muster. 
“That’s right, suck it,” he moaned, buckling his hips forward. The tip of his cock touched the back of your throat and you gagged, presenting Taehyung with one of the most gorgeous views he had seen all night. “Fuck, yeah— Take everything, baby, come on.” 
You did, of course. You continued to suck Taehyung with a moderate pace — not so slow that it would kill him, but not so fast that it would kill you — and watched as he started to become undone under your touches. First, it were his trembling thighs, then the weakening of his grip on his head. You looked up at him with blurry eyes and watched as his lips fell open, moaning obscenities, and his eyes closed with intense concentration. It was just a matter of time before he—
“F-fuck!” 
Taehyung spilled in your mouth and you struggled to swallow everything, just like he had told you to, whining at the feeling of his cock throbbing and twitching in between your lips. The discomfort between your thighs had resumed, pulsating inside your core in a silent need, but you didn’t think you’d have the stamina to deal with it right then and there. 
You pulled your head away from his cock when he started wincing with sensitivity. With doll-like eyes, you met his hooded ones, glad to see the satisfaction and appreciation that was plastered all across his face. He always looked so good after sex, you realized, and you felt extremely satisfied to know that his fucked-out, blissful expression was all because of you. 
In a gentle motion, Taehyung placed his thumb on your check, cleaning a bit of his cum, and brought it over to your lips. “You missed this bit,” he said. 
You sucked his thumb clean without thinking twice, suddenly aware of how uncomfortable your knees felt. Above you, Taehyung smirked at the sensation of your mouth around his thumb, his other hand coming to place small caresses on your hair. 
After he removed his thumb from your mouth, you got back to your feet. It crossed your mind that your legs might give out eventually, but, thankfully, they seemed a bit more firm than you had anticipated. “Better?” You asked. 
“Perfect.” Taehyung kissed you, sighing against your mouth. He pulled away gradually, his body still moving a bit slow after everything you two had done. “You always are.” 
“Aw, how nice of you.” You smiled at his compliment, walking towards your pile of clothes. The bathroom was starting to get cold, and the afterglow of sex couldn’t keep you warm for much longer. “Always with the compliments.” 
He hummed in agreement, watching your naked body; your fingers holding that red bra he adored so much. “Any chance I could see you again this week?” 
An incredulous laugh ruptured your lips as you clasped your bra behind your back. “We just had sex, and you’re already thinking about the next time?” 
He shrugged. “I like to have a schedule.” 
“I’ll think about it.” Your skirt moved up your legs, all the way up to your waistline. From the corner of your eyes, you could see as Taehyung fumbled with his own pants, which he now cursed for being inside out. Seems like he was only thoughtful when it came to your wardrobe. “It’s not like we usually know when this stuff is going to happen.” 
There was a slight tremble in your fingertips as you reached for your blouse and placed it back on your body, but you decided to ignore it.
“I guess,” he mumbled. 
You stared at your own reflection in the mirror as you started to close your buttons, somewhat amazed by the fact that it didn’t appear like you just had had sex. Yeah, your hair was all over the place, and maybe your neck was a bit too red in a few spots, but nothing that a bit of time wouldn’t fix. Could’ve been worse. 
“Can you pass me some toilet paper?” You asked him, eager to clean the mess between your legs. There was no way in hell you were going to put your panties back on, even if the thought of going commando wasn’t exactly the most welcoming either. 
Taehyung was sitting on the toilet lid, putting his pants back, and simply nodded in agreement before doing so. “I’d like to know, though,” he insisted.
You smiled, taking a cheeky glance at him. “Since when you’re so needy?” 
He groaned. “I’m not needy, shut up” 
“Well… You have my number.” You responded, throwing the paper in the trash after you had finished cleaning yourself up. “Call me whenever you’re feeling like it, and I’ll see what I can do.” 
He pouted, clearly frustrated at the answer. “And what if you can’t make it?”
“Then you have two good hands to help you,” you answered simply, fingers working on adjusting your hair. The sound of his zipper closing echoed inside the cubicle. “Besides.. you can have this as a memory, if you’d like.” 
You threw your red panties at him, watching as his face grew interested at the piece of wet cloth in his hands. Taehyung sighed, tugging his shirt back inside his pants. “You’re killing me,” he complained. 
“Good.” You smiled, turning back at him. “How do I look? Presentable?” 
He examined you for an instant, taking in the details of your form. “It doesn’t look like you just got fucked, if that's what you’re asking.” 
“Great!” You swirled around, giving the mirror a last peek. You were getting suspiciously good at making it seem like you two never happened. “Have a nice night, Taehyung. Maybe wait like five minutes before leaving the bathroom. And don’t get too excited with the panties.” 
Taehyung got up and walked closer to you, your underwear safely guarded in his hands. You were positive he would have fun with it later. “You’re going home already?” He asked. 
“Yeah, you did a good job at making me tired.” The clicking of the lock was a pleasant reminder that no one tried to open the door during that time, so maybe your sexual shenanigans had been overlooked once again. “So don’t worry. I’m in need of a good night of sleep. I’m not spending any time with your horny friends.” 
Taehyung chuckled, leaning closer to you. “I was kind of exaggerating about that Jimin part for dramatic effect, but alright.” He placed a kiss on your forehead. “Good night. Thanks for the panties.” 
You laughed. “You’re welcome.” 
Just like that, you were out the door, and the moments you had shared in that bathroom with Taehyung had been placed inside a capsule. No one noticed you as you walked through the corridor, past the few strangers still around, and down the stairs, where the party had clearly lost its initial olympian proportions. 
Cups and pieces of paper were thrown all over the floor, and you watched as people stumbled around, trying to find some sort of balance against the walls. No matter how many Hoseok Parties you went to, you were always amazed at the way that they were quick to be set ablaze, but equally quick to burn off. It was like premature ejaculation, in the weirdest and saddest of ways. 
Still, you weren’t expecting to see a recognizable face at the bottom of the stairs. 
“Hyejin,” you called, surprised to see your friend around. “Thought you would’ve gone to bed with Hoseok by now.” 
Seeming as dumbfounded as you, she followed your movements as you walked down the terminal steps, finally reaching the first floor of the house. There was a weird shadow of discomfort casted over her features, and you thought it had something to do with Hoseok. “Uh… Not really,”  she told you. “I just want to go home, actually.”
“You and I both.” You placed one of your arms around her shoulder, guiding her towards the front door. “Let’s go, this place has already peaked, anyway.”
She suspired, her lips pouting. “Thanks.” 
A few minutes of silence expanded between the two of you as you walked out of the house and into the front lawn, where a sea of trash had already taken over a few chunks of grass. You didn’t know how or why, but someone had brought an inflatable pool, and there was only one solitary purple dildo swimming in it. What a sad sea creature, you thought, before your attention was pulled back to your friend.
Hyejin switched uncomfortably in your arms, hugging her own body in a way to shield herself from the gelid breeze of the night. You looked at her with care, watching as her face contorted at sight of the street lights, magnifying the odd expression that had taken over her. “Tell me what happened between you two,” you asked tenderly. “You don’t seem too happy about it.” 
Your friend hesitated and, suddenly, you felt bad for pressuring her. At the same time, you were worried that something bad had happened. “Yeah…  so… apparently he thought he was texting a different person,” she told you. You could tell that she was having a hard time speaking. “It was kind of a mess, actually. He said that in front of everyone. I’m glad you weren’t there to see it.” 
Suddenly, you recognized that expression as being pure, unshakable humiliation. That must’ve been an ugly moment, really, since Hyejin wasn’t one to break easily. The booze probably didn’t help her emotional state either. 
 “Hyejin, I’m so sorry. He really is a fucking idiot for treating you like that.” You squeezed her body against yours in an awkward sideways hug. She eased into your touch, shoulders falling under the weight of your comforting words. “That really sucks. We can find a way to kill him, if you want. I’d hide the body and never talk about it again.”  
Even if she chuckled at the idea, you could tell she wasn’t in the mood for jokes. “Yeah… I don’t think I want to talk about that right now.” She cleared her throat, hugging her own body with a bit more force. The car was just a few steps away from the two of you, and you were beyond glad that you had managed to find a spot so close to the house. “Anyways… there’s something else. I went to find you earlier, when it all went down, so we could go home.”
You pressed your lips together, guilt hitting you like a punch in the gut. “Sorry, I was upstairs.” 
“Yeah, I realized that once I didn’t find you,” she continued. Hyejin’s voice was weak, her syllables slightly disconnected. She often spoke like that once intoxication and exhaustion joined in a horrible after-party dance. “I went up and searched around for you, but I… uh…” 
The two of you finally reached the vehicle, and you removed your arm from around her so you could move towards the driver’s side. You frowned at her hesitation, watching her over the roof of the car. “What is it?” You asked. 
“I needed to use the bathroom…” she trailed off. Her tone was almost inaudible. “And I…” 
You opened your purse, squinting your eyes to try and find the car key amidst the dimly-lit street. “And?” 
“The door was locked.” She gawked at you, eyes suddenly growing serious. You didn’t like drunk-Hyejin, with her unstable moods and abrupt expression switches. It was watching a horror movie sometimes. “Because you were in there.” 
Oh, you seriously didn’t want to have that conversation at that moment. 
Finally, you found the key and unlocked the car. The sound was like a gunshot through the night, your pulse starting to pick up the pace. You knew where she was heading towards now, but it’s not like she could be sure that it was you in there. You’d deny until the end of time. 
“What makes you think that it was me?” You questioned, opening the door. 
This time, she didn’t hesitate to respond. “I heard you.”
Oh. Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck— 
Keep your cool. It’s okay. “I don’t know what you are talking about.” 
“You don’t?” She started to raise her voice, clearly pissed off. You two were arriving at stage two of drunk Hyejin: past the sad introspection, and into banshee level. “I had to pee on the disgusting bathroom downstairs because you were fucking someone in there! I had to wait twenty minutes in line! And you lied to me! You told me you didn’t have a dick appointment!” 
“Shhh! Stop yelling!” You asked, exasperated. The night was too cold and the streets were too empty. You just wanted to go home before someone heard you. All that it needed was one half-assed comment from Taehyung about him going to the upstairs bathroom, plus someone interested enough to connect the dots, and your little secret would be up. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, okay? Now, please, get in the car, you’re super drunk.”
Before Hyejin could protest, which you were sure she would, you sank down on your seat, running away from her judgemental semblance. The thought of just driving off in sheer panic crossed your mind, but you quickly ignored it. You couldn’t leave her alone in that place, especially in the inebriated state she was in. No matter how much you really, really wanted to. 
Your friend followed your lead and sat down on the passenger seat, watching as you closed your door and checked the mirrors, avoiding her gaze with all your might. She sighed. “I don’t understand… Why didn’t you go somewhere else for that? People need to pee, you know? Or, I don’t know, puke… or maybe even—“ 
You threw your purse on the backseat, sighing in exasperation. That conversation was the last thing you needed after that night. “I don’t think it matters right now—“
“It does matter! I could’ve gotten a urinary tract infection.” Hyejin banged the door by her side, and you could tell she simply wasn’t measuring her force right. She groaned, lazily adjusting her body on the seat. “Now, you have to tell me who it was. It’s the minimum you can do.” 
You almost choked on your own saliva.  She really was out of it. “Like I’d ever do something like that.”
Silence grew thick inside the car, falling above you like a blanket. Hyejin looked at you like you had just grown a second head, making sure that she wasn’t drunk enough to imagine you flat-out denying her an information so valuable. To be fair, it wasn’t like you to avoid questions or keep names from her — at least, not so openly. You knew that she wasn’t dumb, and that she could tell that something was up even in her intoxicated state. 
“You’re really not gonna say?” She tried again, still struggling to keep her speech tied together. It was only a matter of time before she calmed down and fell asleep, and so you wouldn’t have to deal with that subject any further. “You almost gave me an UTI, and now you’re not gonna say who you were with? I need to know if it was worth keeping the bathroom all to yourself, because I already told you, someone probably went up there trying to—“ 
“Shit, Hyejin! I get it, you, can stop now.” You clicked your seatbelt with a bit more aggression than necessary. “You’re drunk right now.”
You leaned over her and placed her seatbelt too, since you were pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to do it herself. Not with that poor movement precision. 
“And?” She pressed on as you moved back to your seat. “You’re going to tell me once I’m sober or something?”
You laughed, placing one of your hands on the wheel. “No, of course not.”
“Fine!” She crossed her arms dramatically and looked out of the window, pouting like a child. “I hate you for not saying.” 
“Well, I love you.” You looked at her, your own gaze navigating towards the window. Beyond the fogged glass, the house glowed in the most diverse colors, the sound of the bass reverberating inside your car like a distant pulse. You watched, heart clenching inside of your chest, as Taehyung stepped out of the front door with Jimin, his head hanging low and a smile at the corner of his lips. There was a volume at his front pocket, where you were sure he had tugged in your panties. “But now I think that we should go home and sleep. Let’s keep this conversation on hold.” 
Hyejin, however, wasn’t satisfied. “You know that I’ll find out eventually,” she said, still looking out of the window. “I always do.” 
You chuckled, turning on the engine of the car. On the other side of the street, the two boys took the opposite direction, leaving you two to stare at the open road before you. “Well, I’d love to see you try.”
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mypoisonedvine · 3 years
Text
The Perfect Fit | Bucky Barnes x reader (part 2)
(part 1)
summary: after getting fitted by you, bucky’s going to try on the custom-made suits he’s bought.  unless he makes his move now, he may not get to see you again, and he can’t let that happen.
word count: 6.5k
warnings: smut!!, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), a little d/s energy, mirror kink, stomach bulge kink, slight pain kink?, creampie kink, pussy spanking, light bondage, bucky being jealous
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Bucky had a bone to pick with Tony, which was usually true but this wasn’t work-related for once.  It wasn’t hard to find him in the same place he’d seen him last— eating his lunch in the kitchen, with Sam nearby chowing down on lo mein with a spring roll.
“Hey lefty, what’s cracking?” Tony greeted, mouth full but talking loudly anyways.  
"I went down to that tailor you recommended—" Bucky began, but Tony was quick to interrupt.
"You went there?  Dude, it's a really nice place, you can just call and she'll come to you instead, way more convenient."
"So now you say 'she'?"
Realization dawned on Tony’s expression.  "Ahh, I get it.  You're not used to a female tailor.  Adds a little spice to getting fitted, huh?" he grinned, elbowing Bucky playfully.
Bucky’s throat felt a little dry when he heard that.  "Don't tell me that's why you use her…"
"Hey now, I'm not a creep, I use her cause she's the best, and those house calls are great for discretion— you know, being a celebrity and all.  The eye candy part is just gravy."
"Gravy candy sounds disgusting," Sam chimed in, missing the point entirely.
"Yeah, well, she mentioned some stuff that sure made you sound like a creep."
"Okay, well, you can't blame me for getting caught staring when I'm surrounded by fucking mirrors.  Makes it hard to be stealthy."
"You could try not staring,” Bucky suggested flatly.
"Is that what you did?"
Tony smirked when Bucky failed to reply immediately.  "Okay, so it's easier said than done,” Bucky admitted with a frown, “but still, I hope these house calls were strictly professional."
“What’s it to you, man?  I think somebody’s jealous,” Tony purred.  
“What?  No, it’s not that,” Bucky denied.
“You love her,” Tony sing-songed, completely ignoring Bucky.  “You looooooove her!”
"You are so immature," Bucky rolled his eyes, even though his heart was racing and he was pretty sure he was blushing.  
"No, it's good for you!  She's a catch, you're all brooding and stuff— maybe she can melt the Winter Soldier's frozen heart, hm?"
Sam laughed heartily.  "Stark, you read too many comic books."
"You're saying you don't wanna see Icy Hot here shoot his shot with my tailor?" Tony asked, turning his attention towards Sam.
Sam pondered that, much to Bucky's dismay.  "Depends.  How hot is she?"
"Mega," Tony smirked confidently.  "Legs for miles, and she wears these skirts that make her ass look—"
"I think I've heard enough," Bucky groaned.  "I'm leaving.  And don't ask when I'm going to see her again," he instructed, interrupting Tony just as he'd opened his mouth to speak, "because I won’t tell you.”
As Bucky left, he could hear Tony calling out into the hall: “But I’d be such a great wingman!”
//
Truth be told, Bucky had put off mastering the use of his smartphone.  It wasn’t just that new technology made him feel old, but that he knew nobody would be calling or messaging him anyways; if the phone didn’t work, he would spare himself the embarrassment of waiting up for nothing.
But once he knew you were going to call?  Suddenly, he was motivated to figure the sucker out.
A few hours later and now all he had to do was stare at it to make sure he wouldn’t miss you.  Luckily, you didn’t make him wait too long.  He recognized the number and decided to let it ring a few times before picking up, so it would seem like he had other things to do besides talk to you.
“Hello?” Bucky asked when he answered, so it would seem like he had other people calling him besides you.
You introduced yourself so formally that he was a little afraid that all that fun energy between you two would be gone.  Thankfully, once he asked what you were calling about, you were back to being cheery and casual again.
“I was just calling to schedule when I could come by with your new suits!” you explained, sounding chipper.
His fingertips were a little tingly just from hearing you talk, nervousness making him antsy (in a weirdly good way).  “I know you said it’s a one-person operation,” he responded smarmily, “but I figured you would outsource delivery.”
You scoffed, though it sounded more amused than irritated.  “It’s not just delivery, I have to check the fit and make sure everything’s exactly to your liking.”
“Oh, well, I’m free all day tomorrow— and I think you already know my address.”  Was it too forward?  Too obvious?  And why did Bucky spend half the time when he was talking to you second-guessing himself?
“Yes, Stark Tower is a relatively common destination for me.  If he doesn’t mind us using it, Tony has a dressing room with plenty of mirrors so you can get a good look.  But, I’d be happy to just go up to your quarters if that’s easier.”
He was not at all ready for you to see his room.  No way he could clean it enough in the next twelve hours; and even then, lots of the team had made fun of how empty and plain it was, so he knew it would just make you think he was boring.
“I’m sure Tony won’t mind you using his dressing room, but he might mind me using it,” Bucky chuckled.
“Well, if he makes a fuss I’ll be sure to set him straight,” you decided confidently.  Somehow, imagining you cursing out Tony was almost hotter than imagining you doing anything else.  “Be sure to bring down your dress shoes so you get the full look and everything.”
“Uhhh…” he trailed off as he scratched the back of his head, trying to remember if he owned anything other than combat boots.  “Not sure I still have those, to be honest.”
"Okay, you'll need shoes too,” you noted aloud, your voice a little distant; he figured you were writing things down, which was why you sounded distracted.  “What size are you?"
"Thirteen."
"I'll bring a selection tomorrow,” you announced firmly.  “And socks, of course.  And some watches, maybe?  And pocket squares."
"Is that it?" he asked sarcastically.
“Oh right, I’m bringing the ties you picked out, too.  I’ll throw in some alternates in case your original choices don’t match the way you were hoping.”
“You really are full-service,” he chuckled.
“I get that a lot,” you replied, a hint of coyness to your tone.
There it was again; that jealousy.  He hated it because he knew it was wrong, but he couldn’t stop it either.  As much as his mind was completely aware that you were an independent, modern woman capable of handling herself, his heart was equally determined to protect you, and spoil you, and do whatever was necessary to make sure you were safe.  
Worse, his gut was less innocent.  Mine, it demanded, all mine.  Nobody else’s.
He pushed it down and just tried to get through the rest of the call without saying something he’d regret.  You confirmed the date and time with him, and he tried not to be too aggressive when he said he was looking forward to it.  
He hung up his phone and sighed, staring off into space.  Now all that was left to do was wait, and be overwhelmed with anxiety.  Thankfully, he was good at the second thing.
//
"So, what do you think?" 
I think you look so damn good from every angle.  I think I might spend all my money on suits just to be sure I can see you again.  I think you need somebody to love you the way you deserve.  I think you’d look like an angel waking up in my bed.  
You waved your hand in front of his face for a moment, calling his attention back to reality.  “Helloooo?”
Drawn out of his trance, Bucky finally looked in the menagerie of mirrors surrounding him and admired his reflection, amazed by the perfect fit of his first suit.  The difference in quality between this and something off the rack was beyond apparent.  Most of all, your talent was undeniable.  "I think it's beautiful."
You smiled proudly.  "Of course it is, but do you like how you look in it?"
"Honestly?  I feel a bit… out of place.  I'm obviously not classy enough for a suit like this."
"Oh, nonsense," you dismissed.  
He frowned, convinced this was all flattery.  "No, seriously, this is… maybe I should just wear tactical gear to every event."
"Well, you'd still look good, but you're not always a soldier.  Sometimes you're only a man.  And every man should own a fine suit."
It was much too profound of a thing to say while you casually straightened his jacket, only to pop out from behind his reflection to smile at him in the mirror.
“Let’s get the next one on you,” you decided, helping him lose the jacket but having him move into a private dressing room to switch trousers and shirts.  “I put a turtleneck in there instead of just a regular button-up,” you explained through the door as he changed, “in case you wanted to see it that way.”
Once he’d put it on, he stepped back out and you were looking at him so proudly— well, you were looking at your handiwork with pride, really, but he could pretend it was for him and hope actually impress you that much one day.
“I went with a shawl lapel on this one, as opposed to the last one which was notched,” you explained as you traced the line with your finger.  “Spoiler: the next one has a peak lapel.  But enough about that one: what do you think of this one?”
“This looks like something my friend Sam would wear,” Bucky decided as he looked at himself in the cranberry suit and black turtleneck.  The shoes you’d had him try on with this were intricate as well, with subtle stitching in the leather and a shine so immaculate he could almost see a reflection in them.  
“Well, is your friend Sam stylish?” you asked.  
“He would certainly say so,” he smirked.
“I’m inclined to agree, because you—” you gave him a thorough glance up and down, so thorough in fact that he felt a bit exposed under your gaze, “—look marvelous.”
“Not pretentious?” 
“No, no, it works on you,” you assured, “you’ve got the looks for it.”
“And what looks are those?”
“Um… good?  Good looks?” 
He definitely remembered a time when that seemed like the obvious answer, because he had relied on being good-looking for a lot of things in life, but that felt very far away now.  Maybe it was just that people who didn’t know what he’d done could still think he was good looking, but everyone else saw the evil within beginning to leak out the way that he did.  
But you knew what he’d done, didn’t you?  You had to.  You knew Tony, you were here at the Tower… unless you were intentionally not up-to-date on current events, you must have heard of the Winter Soldier.
“Don’t act so surprised,” you huffed, “as if it’s a big secret or something.  You’re obviously very attractive.”
Bucky cleared his throat nervously.  “Uh, thanks.”  He wanted to return the compliment, but thought it might be inappropriate or rude somehow.  You broke the silence quickly as you held up two pocket squares in front of him.
“Which of these do you prefer?” you prompted.  He selected the solid gold one, making you smile.  “I knew you’d pick that one.”
“How?”
“I dunno, just fits you,” you shrugged as you folded it and gently placed it in his pocket.  Even through so many layers, your touch on his chest made his heart flutter.  Your fingers brushing over his as you slipped a watch onto his wrist was enough to cause palpitations.
He looked better in this ensemble than he expected.  This version of himself looked much more likely to be invited to parties than any other version.  If only he actually wanted to go to parties.
You put him in the pinstripe suit last, after putting a few pins in the cranberry suit to indicate minor changes you would make later, and stepped back to ponder your work.
"Hm, unbutton those top two buttons for me?" you requested with a raised eyebrow.
I will if you do, he thought to himself, but silently unbuttoned his own shirt anyway.
"I mean, it definitely works like this, but I wanna see you in a tie.  And I've got juuuuust the one," you smiled.  Soon you were approaching him with a red paisley tie, and helping him button up his shirt and tying the tie for him— you explained something about how it was a unique knot he likely couldn't do himself, but he was too lost in having you so close to notice.  It would be so easy to just reach up and grab your waist, pull you into a kiss, finally tell you how bad he wants you.
Well, it would be physically easy, but it would be very scary.  Just imagining it had his heart racing.
“I heard from Tony this morning,” you informed him suddenly, slipping the tie around his neck and popping his collar up for him.
“Really?  Is he in need of a wardrobe update?”
“Yes, but he hasn’t realized that yet so that wasn’t what he called about.”
He laughed a little at the jab, though it also made him a little worried what secret opinions you held about his own style (or lack thereof).
“We talked about you, actually,” you added.
“O-oh,” Bucky stammered, “uh, he’s not exactly my biggest fan.  So whatever he said probably isn’t true.”
“He said that you have a crush on me,” you replied nonchalantly, not even looking up from your work on his tie.
Bucky gulped, and he knew you saw the bob of his Adam’s apple because you were staring right at his neck.
“Like I said, Tony isn’t a very reliable source,” Bucky replied, but his voice cracked in the middle and he cringed internally.
“I’ll write it off as another one of Tony’s off-color jokes then,” you dismissed, perfecting the knot of his tie and stepping back to observe him.  He always felt nervous when you looked at him like that, like he couldn’t hide anything from you.
“What… what did you say, when he told you that?” Bucky asked nervously.
“I asked him what he was smoking and if I could have some,” you laughed.  “I thought it was totally impossible— and don’t worry, I didn’t tell him that you got hard when I did your inseam.”
Bucky’s throat became dry at the same moment that his palms got clammy.
“I— um, I was just—”
“Oh, it’s fine,” you dismissed quickly, still talking about this all so casually which only made him even more confused, “you’re not the first, it happens.”
“I’m not the first?!” 
“Yeah, if anything you were one of the few who didn’t say something creepy about it, which is always appreciated.  It’s just a bodily reaction, you can’t control it.”
“Did Tony ever say something creepy?” Bucky pressed, his hands involuntarily tightening into fists— another bodily reaction he couldn’t control.
“You know, Tony said you were really worried that he had been inappropriate with me, or even that he and I had a fling or something,” you added as you stepped back, giving him a quizzical look, “and now it’s sort of sounding like he was right.”
“No, no, it’s not that, I just—”
“Was he right about anything else?” you pressed, raising an eyebrow.
“I was being nosy, I’m sorry,” he sighed, “it’s just that… and I know it’s none of my business, but the idea of him and you… it isn’t a pleasant mental image.”
You laughed a little, in a way that made him feel kind of small.  “Why not?  You know how he is.  Definitely has a wandering eye… and occasionally a wandering hand.”
Bucky winced.  “I swear, if he ever put his hands on you, I’ll go find him right now and beat him senseless.”
“What if I wanted him to?”
He nearly saw red, but he knew he had no right to be angry.  You were a grown adult and he had no ownership over you… he just sort of wished that he did.
“So it’s true then?  You and him…?”
“No, Bucky,” you laughed, “it’s not.  Nothing’s ever happened between us.  I generally don’t get involved with clients like that.”
“Generally?  Is there an exception?”
You chewed your lip, seemingly a little thrown off by his question.  “Uh, I mean, no— I’ve never been involved with a client, no, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“Why would you say ‘generally’ then?”
“Uh, I guess I just… I wouldn’t want to rule anything out, that’s all.  Never say never.”
And for a moment he almost wondered if you were flirting with him.  Certainly not, with him having come across as both a jealous hot-head and a bumbling dweeb who pops a boner faster than a randy teenager, but just for a second the way you looked at him was… questionable.
“I mean, who knows,” you continued, “what if, hypothetically, some gorgeous guy walked into my store one night— a sensitive guy, who made me laugh and put up with me rambling about ties for the better part of an hour— and I was supposed to dress him up when all I wanted to do was undress him?”
Your finger started to trail down his chest lightly, tickling his skin through the dress shirt. 
“I wouldn’t want to think he was off-limits just because he’s a customer… right?” you asked quietly, looking up at him and biting your lip.
He was afraid to make the wrong move, but he really really hoped this was flirting.
“I don’t think anyone would object to being dressed or undressed by you,” Bucky responded, hoping he could stay neutral until he was sure what you were talking about.
You chewed your lip, looking away as if you were thinking about something. 
"I know I certainly haven't.  And wouldn't," he added, feeling the need to say something.
You nodded, placing his tie inside his jacket and seeming happy with your work.
“You know, the fit looks great," you announced, "but I’m a little worried that one of the measurements was wrong.  Mind if I do your inseam again?”
His throat was dry all of a sudden, but he responded quickly anyways.  "Uh, go ahead…"
You looked up at him as you started to sink to your knees, very slowly.  That little move looked real good in the mirror behind you.  “Last time I did this, there was something getting in the way, made it difficult to know if I was doing it right…”
"M-my apologies," he whispered.
"Oh no, I'm not complaining," you purred as you slowly began to run your fingers up the side of his leg, keeping searing eye contact until his knees felt a little weak.
When your hand reached the top of his inner thigh, the back of it brushed against his balls and he shivered.  Delicately, and so excruciatingly slowly, your hand moved higher and gently rubbed his erection through the fabric.  
“Fuck,” he whispered under his breath.
It must have been all the anticipation that made it so intense, made shivers run up his spine every time your hand moved over his length, made his toes curl inside the ridiculously fancy shoes you’d put him in.
“I’m gonna take it out now, okay?  I promise I won’t measure you here,” you winked.
"You can if you want," he shrugged, deciding now was the time for feigned confidence if there ever was one.  “I mean, if you’re worried about fit…”
You bit your lip, and he was proud to see the effect his words had on you.  “I’ll be honest, I am a little worried it won’t fit…”  You were quick with his belt, but slow with his button and fly, apparently having more fun teasing him.  “Fuck, Bucky,” you groaned softly as you took his cock out.
“Don’t look so excited, doll, you’ll give me an ego,” he purred.
“Can’t help it,” you sighed, “looks delicious.”
You licked a long wet stripe up from the bottom all the way to the tip, making a show of licking up the bead of pre-cum before taking his head into your mouth, and Bucky blinked a few times to be sure that this was actually happening.
"Been wanting to do that since I first saw you," you admitted, grinning as you stroked him right beside your face, which only helped to illustrate how big he was compared to you.
"Dirty girl," he praised with a smirk.  
Flirting, he wasn’t so good at.  Conversation in any form typically stressed him out.  But this?  This he was still pretty good at.  And he’d never wanted it so bad before.
When you took him in your mouth again, you didn’t stop until you started to gag; he couldn’t stop himself from moaning through his teeth when you did it.
"Look up at me, princess," he instructed softly, grinning when you obeyed quickly.  "Now look over there at that mirror.  Look how good you look on your knees for me, choking on my cock."
You moaned around him when you made eye contact with your own reflection, and it felt so fucking good he almost lost it right then and there. He held your jaw, almost too tightly, and guided you as your head bobbed on his length.  Your mouth was so warm he thought he would burn up— and it only got warmer the deeper he managed to get.  God, he was so ready to pump his load right into your throat, but he wanted to do so much more to you first.  
In one quick motion, he pushed you off of his cock, pulled you up to face him, and flipped you around, holding you to his chest with the metal arm and letting the flesh one start rubbing your thigh.  This way, both of you were looking at the mirror in front of you, and he loved watching you gasp and moan as you felt and watched his fingers move higher and higher.
“I think it’s time to find out if you really are ‘full-service’,” he purred right against your ear, making searing eye contact with you in the reflection.  “You’ve seen so much of me, but I haven’t seen nearly enough of you yet.  Been daydreaming about what you could be hiding under these tight little skirts.”
As he pulled up the plaid-patterned fabric, he saw that you were wearing white, lacy panties and he groaned deeply.  
“What are you wearing these for?” he teased, rubbing along the edge but never getting where you wanted— and he knew you were getting desperate, because your hips were starting to buck up into his hand.  “Were you expecting something would happen today, sweetheart?”
“I— I was hopeful,” you stammered; instantly, he slapped you right on your barely-covered pussy, just hard enough to make you yelp and squirm in his grasp.  
“You’re so shameless,” he chuckled darkly, “and I love it.  I just hope this isn’t your usual routine— acting all innocent and batting your eyes so your clients will fuck you.”
“No, I swear, it’s just you, Bucky,” you whimpered, “there’s nobody else, please…”
“Please what?  Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to… to touch me more,” you whispered, as if it was a secret and not patently obvious.
He slipped two fingers underneath the thin fabric, finding your clit right away (not difficult at all with how swollen it was) and rubbing it in gentle circles.
“Oh god,” you sighed, “Bucky…”
WIth his hand on your hips, it wasn’t hard at all to push you back into him so he could rub his aching cock against you.  
"What material is this skirt made of?" 
"It's a silk blend," you answered breathlessly, "about 30% cotton."
"It's soft," he purred before yanking your skirt up higher and pressing his cock against your ass instead, "but not as soft as you."
Next to go was your blouse, which he tore open to the sound of buttons flying every direction and bouncing off of the mirrors and floors.
"Bucky!" you yelped, but he could see your nipples harden through the lacy white bra.  If there was any doubt that you had intended to seduce him today, the matching undergarments dispelled it.
After teasing your nipples between his fingers for a moment, he reached back down between your legs— and when his fingers slipped through your folds and moved down to your opening, he actually moaned just from how wet you are.
"Fucking hell," he growled, "you are drenched, princess.  You liked sucking me off that much?"
"Not just that," you clarified, "you look really good in my suits."
He gave you a toothy smile in the mirror, using it to nibble on your ear a bit.  "You deserve most of the credit for that," he purred.
"No, no, I don't," you whined, "you'd look sexy in a paper bag, honestly… you turn me on so much, Bucky."
“Did you… think about me?  After I left your shop the other night?” he asked playfully, already foreseeing your answer from the way your thighs clenched and your lips let out the subtlest gasp.
“Yes,” you whimpered.
“You’re smart enough to know I want you to be more specific than that,” he chuckled.
“I thought about you that night… after I got into bed…” you elaborated slowly, clearly distracted by the way he was moving his fingers: delicately, but with obvious intentionality.  “I thought about what it would’ve been like if you had grabbed me and kissed me, shoved me against the wall, fucked me right there on my desk… in front of the glass wall, where anyone could’ve walked by and seen you claim me…”
His cock was throbbing, and he wasn’t sure if it was from the image itself or from the knowledge that you’d been fantasizing about it.  “Were you touching yourself?” he growled.
“Yes,” you sighed, your thighs starting to visibly shake, your knees bending towards each other in the mirror.
“Show me how,” he demanded.  “Show me exactly how you were playing with your needy little pussy while you thought about me.”
Your hand found its place on top of his, your fingers starting to move his to the specific place, guiding his movements to be faster and rougher.
“Oh, I see,” he grinned, “you don’t like to tease yourself, do you?  You like to jump right into it, come as many times as you can and rub yourself raw in the process?”
You nodded feverishly, panting and whining and writhing in his grasp.
“You’re so desperate, honey… such a shameless cockwhore for me.”
“For you,” you repeated through your trance, “Bucky, ‘m close… keep touching me, please…”
He kept his thumb on your clit but gently slid one finger inside you, both of you gasping at the sensation (if for different reasons).
“So tight,” he hissed, already pulling it back out, “fuck, and just for one finger…”
“More, please,” you begged mindlessly.
“More?  Sure you can take it?”
You bit down on your lip as you nodded, and he pushed a second finger in beside his first.  He felt you struggling with it, both in your walls and in the way you winced a little, but you softly begged him to keep going so of course he couldn’t stop.  You adjusted quickly, your wetness starting to run down his hand.  
“Fuck me,” you whimpered, “now, please, can’t wait anymore.”
“Yes you can,” he encouraged, “and you will, cause I need to taste you first.”
Pulling his fingers out of you, he flipped you around again, finally kissing you the way he’d been dreaming of since he first saw you.  It was intense but not too dominating— in spite of everything.  It was a romantic sort of kiss, maybe too romantic for the situation (that being his cock out and hard and pressed against you, and his fingers covered in your arousal) but perfect nonetheless.
“That’s not what I thought you meant when you said you wanted to taste me,” you giggled when he pulled away.
“No, I meant it the other way,” he smiled, “I just wanted to do that first.”  
He picked you up suddenly, making you gasp a bit, but knelt down to lay you on the floor pretty soon after.  You looked up at him with wide eyes as he lifted your leg and kissed his way up.  He could smell your need, and he worried it would drive him wild before he reached his destination.
Pulling your soaked panties aside, he realized he could probably come just from looking at you.  “Such a gorgeous pussy,” he growled his praise, leaning down to plant a few more teasing kisses over the inside of your thighs.  Finally, he started with one long lick, just like you had with him, but you weren’t so patient to tolerate it.  Nearly instantly your fingers pulled his hair, clearly trying to guide him to tease you less, but he couldn’t be swayed to go easy on you.
“I hope you’re not forgetting who’s in charge,” he smiled hungrily.
“And what if I am?” you returned, clearly looking to get on his nerves so he’d get rough with you.  He was happy to oblige.
Bucky sat up and loosened his tie, slipping it off of his neck with a smirk.  "Now, this is 100% Venetian silk, so it should feel nice around your wrists," he cooed.  You offered your hands willingly, and he got a chance to show off a few complex knots of his own.  "Now be a good girl and keep those hands above your head, alright?"
You did as he asked, freeing him to hold your legs open as he devoured you, alternating between teasing your bud with the tip of his tongue, and fucking you with it.  
"You taste like heaven, doll," he growled when he came up quickly, "and the way you moan when my tongue's inside you?  I swear I could die happy right now."
"I wish you wouldn't though," you whimpered.
He laughed a bit before he got back to it, letting his tongue focus on your clit while he filled you with his fingers again.  Your walls clenched down on him occasionally, and when it became more frequent just as your moans became louder, he knew you were close.
"Stop, stop," you sighed suddenly, pushing him away.
"Are you alright?" he asked, nervous he'd done something wrong.  
"No I'm fine, I just… I don't want to come yet.  I want you inside me first."
"And what about what I want, hm?  What if I want to watch you come just from my tongue?" he offered instead, though he was definitely still very persuadable in this regard.
"I know you wanna fuck me, Bucky, don't make me wait any longer,” you moaned, your back arching up a little from the floor.
Not needing to be told twice, he flipped you onto your elbows and knees, making sure you could support yourself with bound wrists before letting you go.  His hands running over your exposed ass and thighs made you shiver, and he smiled down at you.  At this point, he was probably more desperate than you were, but he was doing a much better job of hiding it, even taking the time to reach up and undo a few of the buttons of his shirt, because wow suits are warm and not meant for his level of physical activity.
Still, he figured he had waited long enough— he needed to fuck you while he still had at least a shred of patience left.  He was going to need it if he was going to give you time to adjust to him.
Holding his cock and rubbing it through your folds, he chuckled when you whined and dropped your head down in a pout.  He loved watching your expression shift into a gasp as he pushed in.
He went slow, but he didn't stop either.  He wanted to test you just a little.  He wanted to stretch you open.
"Fuck," you cried, "god, you're so… you feel so…"
"Look in the mirror," he instructed coldly, although the coldness was just a front for the way he was holding himself back as your body swallowed him so beautifully.
You moaned again, higher-pitched and weak, just as he finally got all the way in.  He waited until he felt your body relax a bit before he asked if it was okay for him to move yet.  You answered with a quick nod, a breathy "please," and he didn't need any more encouragement.
It was probably too fast to start off with, but god, he'd been waiting so long to fuck you like this.
"Baby," he whispered, "you're so perfect."
He held you steady and thrusted deep, so deep that it made you gasp each time.  You looked incredible, and you felt incredible, but the way you sounded was just… divine.  He could never have imagined the beautiful way you would sound when he was bringing you pleasure like this.  Having heard it, he wanted to make you sound like this as often as possible from now on.  Technically he couldn’t even be sure he’d get another chance to, but surely sounds this perfect meant you had to be having a good time, right?  Ideally a good enough time to call him again?
He was snapped back to focus when he saw your eyes flutter shut with pleasure.
"Don't look away from that mirror, honey," he growled, "don't close your eyes.  Look how pretty you look like this."
He could tell you loved it from the way your channel fluttered and flexed.
"You like watching yourself get fucked, princess?"
"Yes," you sobbed as he grabbed your hips harder, hoping to leave a bruise, "it feels so good, Bucky, please don't stop!"
"I won't stop, pretty girl.  Not until you cream on my cock," he grunted. 
"Fuck, I'm close," you whined, "Bucky, I'm gonna come— oh god right there!"
And he was sure it couldn’t be fake from the way your body tightened and released so many times, the way you quivered and your breathing seemed to stop for a moment.  Even though he could barely take it, he kept fucking you through it until you were shaking so violently that he worried about your health.
“You feel so goddamn good when you come, princess,” he moaned softly.  “Tryin’ to milk my cock for all it’s worth, aren’t you?”
You laughed a little, sounding exhausted, but as he kept fucking you he could feel how sensitive you had become.  When he reached down to push your skirt back up to your waist after it had started to fall down a bit, he felt his own movements in your gut and it took so much not to lose his cool in that moment.  Instead, he pulled your upper body into his so that you could see in the mirror the way your lower stomach was bulging a bit each time he pushed in all the way.
"F-fuck, Bucky," you whimpered.
"Anybody ever been that deep inside you before?"
"No, not even close," you moaned.
"Am I hurting you?" he asked gently, kissing up and down your neck slowly to match his lazy, teasing thrusts.
"A little," you admitted, "but it feels good.  Don't stop."
He wasn’t so brutal with his thrusts, still deep but with a patient, measured pace.  It staved off his orgasm a bit longer, and it made you moan all slow and throaty which was not better or worse than the needy, high-pitched moans, but enjoyably different.  You didn’t sound as desperate anymore (probably because you’d already come), instead seeming relaxed and calm— if still arching your back and biting your lip nonetheless.
"I wanna come inside you," he whispered right against your ear; he could feel the way you shivered as a result.
"Please," you whimpered.
"Is that what you want?  Wanna be full of my come?"
"Yes," you sobbed, "yes, please Bucky I need it so bad!"
"Fuck, gonna fill you up so good, doll," he promised gruffly.  "Want me to make you mine, beautiful?"
He knew it was a risky thing to say, but his risks had paid off so far, and he wasn't in his most cautious mood.
"Already yours, Bucky," you sighed, "I'm yours, please come in me…"
It hit him suddenly when you said that, and harder than he expected.  He hadn't come like that in… he hadn't come like that ever.  He preferred not to think about the sudden, wavering moan he let out in that moment because he wondered if it sounded unsexy, but thankfully his mind was distracted by the overwhelming sensation of his softening, sensitive cock still within you.
He managed to maneuver you in the way he needed as he pulled out, leaning you back into him and holding your legs open to the mirror in front of you.
"Look in the mirror, sweetheart,” he instructed, his whisper a little labored as he was still catching his breath, “watch my come leak outta your pussy."
You seemed to be in awe of it, despite it being the obvious outcome of what had just happened.  To be fair, he was in awe of it in a sense, too; a thick, slow stream of sticky white come dripping down from your swollen hole and onto the floor… it was mesmerizing.
Your body was limp in his arms as he finally allowed you to rest, your eyes falling shut as you melted into his embrace.  He took a moment to untie your wrists, tossing the garment aside with an exhausted sigh.  “Bucky…” you mumbled sleepily, apparently just to say his name.
“Was that… sort of what you were hoping for today?” he asked softly, kissing your temple.
“And more,” you giggled.  “Oh my god, I… I don’t even know how to describe that… you’re so… fuck, I don’t know, my brain is totally jelly right now.”
“In a good way?”
“In the best way.”
He smiled, admiring your vacant-yet-pleased expression and feeling satisfied with his work.  You turned over to lay your head on his chest, and he gladly draped his arms around you in response.  Holding you like this felt so purely right, in a way so few things did to him.  Funny enough, even just having fucked you on the floor and already holding you afterwards right now, he felt nervous again that he would say something wrong.  You were a modern woman, after all, and maybe this was this ‘hook-up culture’ he kept hearing about.
“Was that true what you said, doll?” he asked gently, feeling you stir a little and slide a leg up to rest over his.  “Did you mean it when you said that you were mine?  Or was it just, you know, the heat of the moment…?”
You smiled a little, looking kind of embarrassed.  “Um, yeah, I meant that… I’m yours, if you want me to be.”
He didn’t feel as guilty for feeling so possessive over you now.  Clearly it was appreciated, in the right context.  And he was now at least 75% sure that this wasn’t a hook-up.  “Well, I’m yours, too,” he replied with a soft laugh, “whether you want me or not.”
“I want you,” you confirmed.
You laid in silence together for some unknowable amount of time, but it was a purely unawkward silence.  A peaceful silence, and one filled with possibilities, but not uncomfortable.  Maybe it was uncomfortable in the sense that the carpet, while still being very plushy and expensive, was still the floor and not as forgiving as a bed… but it was completely worth it.
Part of him feared to ruin the moment by speaking, but much more of him feared that you would slip out of his grasp if he didn’t say something.  "This may be the wrong time to ask this— or maybe just the wrong order to do this stuff in— but I wanted to ask if you'd like to join me for dinner sometime."
You laughed, but cuddled deeper into his chest.  "Um, yeah, that would be nice."
"I just hope I'll find something nice to wear," he grinned.
1K notes · View notes
hxt1b · 3 years
Text
Let’s Just Let it Go
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Doyoung x Reader 
Genre: Angst, some fluff (it’s there I swear) CollegeAU (HockeyPlayer!Doyoung) 
Warning: MATURE CONTENT/DARK THEMES, drinking (drink responsibly please), SMUT, swearing, TW sexual assault. 
WC: 11k 
Song Rec: when the party’s over by Billie Eilish 
Accompanying Stories: As Long As I’m Here, Isn’t It Lovely All Alone. 
Masterlist 
Hockey AU Masterlist 
A/N: You do not have to read all the stories to read this one. You can read this as a standalone, however reading the other two will give a better understanding of the backgrounds of the characters so if you do read all I’d suggest reading the other two first. However, by all means this can be read independently you will still understand the plot and everything without reading the other two. Lastly, please excuse the grammar, I read it over but still some things may have slipped through.
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“You keep condoms in your wallet?” You asked looking up at him. Doyoung’s head was swimming, but then again that much alcohol would do that to you. 
“Would you rather I didn’t have one right now?” he asked his words slurring. You shook your head. Doyoung smirked returning his attention to opening the packet and putting the condom on. He pushed you into the wall again, grabbing you from the back of your thighs forcing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he pushed into you. 
“Fuck,” He grunted as he began to move in you. To be honest, Doyoung didn’t remember your name, he had asked, but he couldn’t recall. You’d met a couple of hours ago in the packed club, Doyoung was seeing double of everyone by the time his eyes landed on you, keeping his steps stable was a feat as he made his way over to where you were dancing, drawing you in however wasn’t that hard. You were just as drunk as him. 
Your arms looped around his neck as you filled his ears with breathy moans. Doyoung was so far gone, his mind was empty as you tightened around him. A few more thrusts and he came, letting his head fall into your shoulder as he did. You stilled against him; he didn’t really know if you finished. But he was too drunk to care. After getting his breathing to even out slightly he pulled out of you. 
“Well,” He said as he carefully took off the condom, “Thank you I guess.” He looked around the bathroom locating the garbage can and tossed the used condom into it. With that, he left the bathroom not looking back at you. He was still stumbling seeing two of everyone one that passed by him. 
He laughed to himself as he ran into a chair. But it was better this way, he didn’t remember anything this way. Kim Doyoung could successfully say that he had just wrapped up the most unmemorable summer of his life. Unmemorable because he was drunk throughout the entire thing, but it was okay because not once this summer did Doyoung think about the girl that cheated on him. Not once did he think about Yuta, the man that he looked up to. The one that slept with his girlfriend. Nope, they didn’t even cross his mind. 
But they did. 
Every damn day. 
---
“Get up.” The voice pounded in Doyoung’s head and a hand reached out and shook him. He grumbled. Slowly opening his eyes, he glared up at Kun. He watched as his friend rolled his eyes at him. 
“We have practice.” Doyoung pulled his blanket over his head, he shouldn’t have drank last night. “Come on.” 
What a new kind of hell he’d entered. He’d told himself that once the hockey practice started, he’d be fine. He wouldn’t drink, Yuta had managed to graduate, he’d avoid his ex, the campus was big enough. He could still avoid his ex, she wasn’t even on campus yet. Only the athletes were here a month before everyone. But the not drinking once hockey started, that didn’t happen, so he told himself when the semester started, and today after practice the semester started, he would have to stop drinking and his ex would be back. 
He groaned again throwing his covers off of himself and getting up. His head ached with each step he took towards the shared bathroom. They had moved, this house was bigger but they still needed to share a bathroom, well at least Ten, Jaehyun, Jungwoo and himself did. Kun upon stepping into the master room with the huge en-suite pulled his new captain status on them and took the damn room. 
“You’re just waking up?” Jaehyun asked him, as he passed the younger boy in the hallway. Doyoung didn’t respond just walked past him keeping his head down.  
Getting into the bathroom he looked at himself, taking in his appearance, he had a huge hickey on the side of his neck, how he got it was a slight blur to him. He remembered flashes of the night only. His hair was sticking out into a million directions he looked awful, he looked sick. Looking away from himself he grabbed his toothbrush and got ready for practice, he was gonna need a gallon of coffee. 
Hockey was an escape, he could be as brutal as he wanted on the ice, he was itching for a proper game so that he wouldn’t have to hold himself back he couldn’t bang up his teammates. He needed a game. 
Well, it was an escape until the new guy opened his mouth. 
“Hungover again Kim, why am I not shocked?” Doyoung sneered at the man lacing up his skates as he walked into the change room. His hands clenching into fists at his side, but he didn’t reply, because he was hungover, and this guy was the only one that called him out on it. Because he was the only one that didn’t know. Yet, it didn’t make Doyoung hate him any less. 
What kind of a nickname was Winwin anyway?
Rolling his eyes Doyoung dumped his stuff into his cubby taking his gear out and getting ready for practice. 
“Ignore him,” Kun said from his left. 
“I am,” Doyoung replied. 
On the ice, Doyoung couldn’t deny the new kid was an ace, why he transferred to their school he couldn’t say. He used to play for the team that they lost to last year, one step away from the cup. But that school had a killer roaster, this kid being one of the beasts on it, but here he was. Skating towards Doyoung with the puck. Their coach was ending this practice with a scrimmage, the hockey season would be starting in a few days and the coach claimed that this would re-charge everyone’s competitive sides because this was their season. 
He let him get close before he began his chase, letting Winwin come to him before blocking his path he hit him into the boards. It wasn’t a hard hit, but it was a hit. They both lost the puck as Winwin bounded off the plexiglass and slammed his hands into Doyoung’s chest. 
“What the fuck man?!” He asked. Doyoung shrugged, their coach was yelling as he skated over. Kun already there grabbing Winwin as he glared at Doyoung. 
“What on earth are you doing kid?” The coach barked at Doyoung. 
“Sorry I just got into it.” He said not feeling sorry at all. Maybe he wasn’t doing the best job of ignoring him. 
“Apologize to him.” He mentally scowled, he didn’t appreciate being treated like he was a toddler. 
“Sorry.” 
“Okay get off the ice, shower. Practice is over!” 
“Dude you gotta relax.” Ten said skating next to Doyoung. 
“Why the fuck do they even call him Winwin?” Doyoung’s irritation was evident “I fucking hate the guy.
“It’s because he fucking Wins, they use to call him their lucky charm ‘Winwin.’” 
--- 
Loneliness was a part of life that you accepted long ago, it was something that just came with your life. Your parents were rich, and they shouldn't have had kids, because they couldn’t give two shits about the two children they had. So, loneliness wasn’t an issue for you not until the reality settled in that this wasn’t loneliness it was abandonment and that was a hard pill to swallow. Looking around your dorm you took in your roommate's side it was decorated in whites, it kind of hurt your eyes but you weren’t going to say anything. It was better than being stuck in an apartment with your brother. You felt bad when you left him alone in the huge penthouse seeing as you were the reason that the two of you were here. But you couldn’t take it there anymore everything reminded you of the fact that your parents didn’t care about you. 
Your phone rang pulling you away from the anger that was bubbling up inside of you at the thought of your parents. Being replaced by a growing laugh as you looked at the caller ID. Your brother. 
“Hello.” You answered. 
“Want to move back yet?” He teased. 
“No, I do not I actually like it here.” You replied getting off your bed and beginning to pace your room. He laughed, the sound making you smile. 
“I was just teasing. I called to ask if you wanted to get lunch together today?” He asked. You frowned. 
“Sicheng, you aren’t eating with your teammates yet?” Your tone not hiding your disappointment. 
“No,” he replied curtly. 
“Be nice to them, be friends with them.” 
He ignored you, “So are you going to eat with me or not?” 
“No, I’ll be eating with my roommate.” You answered as she came into the room, she smiled at you having heard what you said, and you smiled back. Despite her obsession with white, you actually really liked her. “Speaking of whom, I gotta go now.” 
“Fine.” 
--- 
By lunch, Doyoung was starving, having not had time to eat after he showered in the change room. His stomach was grumbling loudly when he took his seat next to Kun at their table in the cafeteria. 
“You know I’m shocked by how good the cafeteria food is here.” Mark, a first-year rookie, said drawing the attention of the table. 
“Yo same, people complain a lot about cafeteria food I was actually stressed.” Hendery another rookie agreed.  
Doyoung nodded, “We lucked out.” 
“Yo Winwin, come sit here!” Kun yelled from next to Doyoung making him turn his head in the direction Kun was yelling in. Winwin stopped in his tracks and looked over at the table. Doyoung glared at the side of Kun’s head, but Kun ignored him. 
“Be nice,” Kun muttered to him as Winwin sat down across from him at the only empty seat on the table. Doyoung did his best not to scowl. Doyoung retreated into his own brain as the table continued to chat. He focused on the broccoli on his plate. He didn’t dare look around the cafeteria. 
Fuck looking at the insufferable cocky bastard in front of him, he was afraid he would see his ex. Ever since practice ended in the morning he was on edge; he didn’t want to run into her in a hallway again he was afraid because he didn’t know how he’d react. He wanted to say he wouldn’t care that he’d just walk by her and maybe he would, but he felt like he wouldn’t the risk was too high. 
“So, the party is at our place on Friday to kick off the year, that way we can celebrate the four rookies joining our team, along with Winwin coming to us this year and our boy Jungwoo finally hitting the ice in a game,” Jaehyun said, as Doyoung finally tuned back into the boy's conversation. 
“So, you’ll come Winwin?” Ten asked. Doyoung looked up at him frowning, the younger boy played with the fries on his plate as he nodded. 
“Yeah, I’ll come by.” 
“Cool bring friends if you want to.” Ten said smiling at him. 
--- 
Doyoung made it to Friday without a drink, and then he thought about how he promised himself he wouldn’t drink when the semester started. He then re-evaluated his choice and edited his promise, he wouldn’t drink without cause this semester, and a start of the year party was cause. Was it not? The boy in the mirror smiled back at him as he held his cup up to his reflection in a cheers before downing it. 
It was most definitely cause. 
Leaving his room his body already buzzing he skipped down the stairs, straight into a girl. You.  Doyoung looked you up and down, taking in the tight jeans you had on. He liked the way they made your ass look. He also really liked the baby pink top you had on. It was clinging to you like a second skin showing off your assets. Doyoung smirked down at you, for some reason you looked familiar. 
“I’m sorry about that.” He said and you scoffed. 
“Whatever.” 
Doyoung stared at your back as you walked away confused at the reaction he gleaned. He’d never been bad with chicks or at least he thought he wasn’t. He looked over at your friend who shrugged at him before following you. 
His house was full of people he didn’t know, and some he did. But he was at ease, this was one place he knew that his ex wouldn’t show up. So, with a quiet laugh to himself, he followed you into the living room. You were standing beside Winwin. He leaned against the wall and watched you interact with his teammate; the interaction was friendly. From the way you reacted to him it was easy to see that the two of you were close. 
“What are you looking at?” Xiaojun, another first-year rookie, asked coming up next to him. 
Doyoung replied by nodding his head in the direction of the pair, and Xiaojun nodded. 
“His sister is hot, isn’t she?” Doyoung froze as the words left the youngers mouth. Sister.
And then it came to him, the image of you pressed against a bathroom wall, with your dress pushed up as he moved inside you. Doyoung mentally facepalmed as he remembered how he left you. Turning away Xiaojun, Doyoung moved out of the living room and into the kitchen. He went straight to the cabinet where Jaehyun kept his good liquor. Pulling out a large bottle of tequila Doyoung looked around for a shot glass. He turned around and straight into Jaehyun himself. Jaehyun looked at him with a ‘what are you doing’ expression on his face. 
“I will buy you more.” Doyoung simply said finally locating the object he was looking for. Bringing the small glass over to his spot he poured some for himself. Jaehyun watched him as he tipped his head back downing the alcohol not even flinching at the burn. 
“Whoa,” Jaehyun said as Doyoung went to pour himself another one. “Aren’t you trying to like drink less or something?” 
“I slept with Winwin’s sister.” He quickly replied taking the next shot. 
“Just now?” Jaehyun asked taking the shot glass from Doyoung after poured himself another shot. 
“No. Last week.” 
“Dude what the fuck.” 
“Dude what the fuck indeed.” Your voice cut into their conversation making them both snap their head towards you. Leaning forward you took the full shot glass from Jaehyun’s hand and drank it. 
“I didn’t even get to finish.” You said after the burn in your throat subsided. Doyoung flushed as the memory of how he left you in the bathroom flooded his mind. Jaehyun looked at him a shocked expression on his face before he broke into a smile. Doyoung could tell he was trying not to laugh at him. 
He scowled in your direction taking the shot glass from you before pouring himself another shot. Jaehyun took it before he could drink it. 
“Slow down,” Jaehyun said the previous laughter gone. Doyoung rolled his eyes and moved to walk away from you and Jaehyun. 
“You know,” You said moving into his space. The two shots he’d just taken hadn’t quite hit him full force yet. “up until you ran away from me, I was actually having a good time.” Your chest brushed his as you leaned further into him. Doyoung narrowed his eyes but didn’t back away from you. 
“Too bad you don’t actually know how to make a girl cum.” You pulled away from him taking the shot glass again. Doyoung glared at the side of your head as you poured yourself another shot. He looked past you meeting Jaehyun eyes again, the boy flat out laughing this time. 
“I do, in fact, know how to make a girl cum.” He said. You scoffed. 
“I wouldn’t know.” You replied and threw your head back taking the shot. You shot him a wink before walking away from him. Jaehyun only laughed harder when Doyoung looked at him again. Sneering at the younger boy he reached for the shot glass again. 
“No,” Jaehyun said grabbing it before he did. “Pace yourself, Kun will slaughter you. You promised.” He regretted speaking to the new captain sometimes, he regretted telling Kun so much, but he did need help keeping himself in check. Doyoung rolled his eyes at Jaehyun before walking away. 
For the rest of the party, he couldn’t get his mind off of you. You stuck to your brother and your friend for the majority of the party and Doyoung didn’t like to interact with him more than he already needed to. Taking his eyes off you as you laughed at something your friend said Doyoung looked around the living room, Kun and Jaehyun weren’t anywhere in sight. He could only spot the rookies as they played beer pong in the corner of the room. Getting up from his spot on the couch he made his way into the kitchen again not seeing any of his roommates. Taking his chance, he made his way to the cabinet pulling it open and grabbing Jaehyun’s Tequila again. Your words pounding in his head as he took a shot straight from the bottle. 
“Getting shit-faced as usual,” Winwin said coming into the kitchen. Doyoung didn’t look at him as he took another swing. 
“How about you mind your own business,” Doyoung said and brushed past him back into the living room taking the bottle with him. His eyes narrowed in on you as you swayed to the music. Doyoung wasn’t in the mood of arguing with Winwin but if he had been he would have claimed that this was nothing compared to how his drinking usually went. He hadn’t had more than a couple of sips of Kun’s drink after the shots he took in the kitchen until now. Walking up to you he caught your attention, your eyes landing on the bottle he held in his hand. 
He let you take it from him as he leaned into the wall. He watched you take a drink some of the alcohol flowing out the corner of your mouth. 
“Where did your friend go?” He asked as you wiped at your mouth. 
“Home. She’s not really into parties.” You replied. Doyoung watched as you licked your lips passing him the bottle back. But he didn’t want the alcohol. His mind running as he took you in, his mind flashing to the night last week. 
“That’s a shame.” He replied. Your eyes darkened as he reached out and pulled you to him. “So, you're just here all by yourself now. Hanging out with your brother.” His hand moving to the side of your neck as he looked down at you. You let him, biting your lip as you looked up at him. 
“There’s nothing wrong with hanging out with my brother.” You replied. 
“No there isn’t except that you aren’t hanging out with him right now, are you?” You frowned up at him and then looked around the room. Doyoung followed your gaze, Winwin was still in the kitchen. Doyoung smiled to himself as you turned your eyes back to him. 
“It’s a good thing I came when I did.” You snickered at his words. 
“Is it though?” He rolled his eyes at you. That was it, he could not go down in history with this shit on his name. 
---  
You crashed into his door, your back stinging from the impact but you ignored it as his lips returned to yours. His lips were rough, moving against yours at a bruising rate, you loved it. His hands were roaming your body pulling at your clothes. 
“Bed.” You breathed against his mouth. He chuckled at you as he grabbed your hands holding them above your head as he continued to kiss you. 
“You don’t get to call any shots babe.” He said, his mouth moving from your lips to your jaw, leaving a start mark on your skin. You moaned tilting your head to give him more space, he took the chance to leave soft kisses down your neck towards your chest. His hands letting yours go as he lowered himself down your body. 
He looked up at you as he got on his knees, his fingers grabbing at the buttons of your jeans before undoing them. You watched as he undressed you, leaving you naked from the bottom half as you stepped out of your jeans. Doyoung licked his lips as he grabbed your leg draping it over his shoulder. 
He pressed a wet kiss to the inside of your thigh, your breath hitched as you watched him. Your hand moving to his hair. He moaned softly when you tugged on the strands pulling him towards your wet heat. He pressed a kiss to your clit, using his fingers to separate your folds, relieving some of the tension that was boiling up in your body. You moaned when he darted his tongue out, a short lick. Before retreating again and looking up at you. Your eyes glassed over as you pulled at his hair again. 
He obliged again, licking up your slit slowly, dragging his tongue through your wet folds. He groaned into you, the vibrations causing you to shiver. Your head fell back against the door and he took your clit into his mouth, sucking slowly. His tongue ghosting over it. You moved your hips against his mouth wanting him to add his fingers. But your words were lost on you, only nonsense flowing past your lips as he picked up his pace. Your moans grew louder as you drew closer, your eyes closed shut as you chased your climax. 
His name rolled off your tongue as your back arched off the door. The muscles in your body tightened, as you clambered for a better grip on him. You felt his teeth gently nip at your hard nub and you crashed over the edge, your orgasm taking over your body as you pulled at his hair. He continued his ministrations, working you through your orgasm. Your body was in overdrive as you came down, a lot more sensitive than you previously were. You pulled at his hair again pulling away from you, he scowled up at you as you finally looked down at him. His lips were red and wet. He grabbed your hands as he got up. Pulling you to the bed. 
He let you lay down, as he rounded the bed going to his nightstand. He pulled out silver handcuffs. Your breathing shallowed as you took in the steel in his hands.  
“No more touching me.” He said as he placed a knee onto the bed leaning over you. He grabbed your hands bringing them up to his headboard. He closed one handcuff around your wrist the cold metal making you hiss as it came in contact with your skin. He looped the handcuffs around one of the metal rungs on his bed before bringing the other one to your other hand locking you in. 
He took a second to look down at you, before leaning down and kissing your swollen lips. You moaned into him, his tongue brushing against yours, you could taste yourself on him and it was driving you crazy. Your thighs already moving against each other as your body reacted to him, more moisture pooling in between your legs. 
“I probably should have taken this off first,” Doyoung said pulling away from your lips. His hands moving under your shirt pushing it up off you leaving it around your hands, he did the same with your bra. 
“But then again, you’re not the most attentive to details, are you?” You teased, he narrowed his eyes at you pinching your nipple, earning a soft cry from you. 
“I wouldn’t be saying shit like that right now.” He threatened, lowering his mouth to your breast. You gasped as he took your pointed nub into his hot mouth, swirling his tongue around your nipple before letting it go. He glanced up at you before trailing wet kisses over to your other breast and doing the same thing there. You squirmed underneath him, clenching your thighs tightly as you got worked up again. He pulled back from your chest looking down at your closed legs, a chuckle leaving him as he looked back up at you. His eyes dark, his pupils blown. 
Adjusting so that he was between your legs he hovered over you, leaving marks on your collarbone. You hissed moving against him, you could feel his erection through his jeans. You rolled your hips into him savouring the small amount of friction you were getting until he grabbed your hips and pushed them down into his bed. You groaned against his mouth as he pressed his mouth onto yours, his tongue pushing against yours. 
Finally, his fingers connected with your core, he slid a finger into you using his thumb to rub your already abused and sensitive clit. A loud moan left you again as your wrists pulled against the handcuffs, the metal biting into your skin. 
“Faster please.” You whined trying to move against his hand but not being able to, his hand holding your hip only tightened. You’d most definitely have a bruise there tomorrow. He picked up the pace. He kissed you harder as he added another finger, his tongue mirroring the actions of his hand as he propelled you towards another orgasm, your body seized up again, muscles tightening as you arched up into him. Your orgasm came faster this time, having already been worked up from the previous one. You panted against him as he pulled his fingers out of you, you watched biting your lower lip as he took his fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean. 
“I’d say you’d agree, I’m actually great at making women cum.” 
--- 
You walked into the cafeteria the next day for lunch, the hockey team as per usual was in their typical spot. Your brother sitting in the middle talking. You smiled as you neared the table coming up behind Doyoung. Kun smiled at you as you looped your arms around Doyoung’s neck. He stiffened for a second before turning his head to look at you, only relaxing when he realized it was you. 
“Your dear brother is right there.” He said to you quietly. 
“My brother doesn’t dictate who I fuck.” You replied pressing a kiss to his lips. Doyoung narrowed his eyes at you as you took the empty seat next to him. For some reason, you were really bold around this man, something you hadn’t been in a long time. You looked across the table feeling your brothers’ eyes on you. You smiled at him before turning back to Doyoung, but Doyoung was looking past you. Trying to get his attention but failing you followed his gaze, seeing a girl who was also staring back. You recognized the girl as your neighbour. 
“Do you know her?” You asked finally getting Doyoung’s attention. He didn’t reply just pulled your chair closer before snaking his hand around the back of your head and pulling your lips to his. You kissed him back with the same desperation he displayed only pulling away when you needed to breathe. Kun whistled as you wiped at your lips, when you looked at Doyoung he was looking past you again. You threw a quick glance over your shoulder to see the girl gone. 
“Doyoung?” 
“My ex.” He answered you as he turned to his food. 
---  
Sitting in your room as Sena, your roommate and you waited for your next class you replayed the way Doyoung had reacted in the cafeteria.
“Sena,” you started looking over at her, “you said you stayed in this dorm last year too?” Sena nodded turning her attention to you. “Did you have the same neighbour?” 
“Yeah, why?” She asked, now putting her pen down and turning her full attention to you. 
“Her and Doyoung used to date, right?” Sena sighed her eyes moving around the room as she realized what you were asking. 
“Yeah, they did. She cheated on him though. I would hear them sometimes, mostly Doyoung, but it was painful to hear. One night. He begged her to let him in for hours and she just left him out in the hall. It was all over campus too, she slept with his teammate. Yuta.” 
You bit your lip as Sena turned back to her book, you didn’t know how to react. Being cheated on was a horrible thing but to have it happen with someone as close as your teammate. 
“Fuck a teammate that doesn’t know the first thing about being a decent human.”  
Your brothers’ words floated into your head. You were confused about how people could just so easily trample over others. You thought about Doyoung’s face at lunch, how quickly he shut off after seeing his ex. Your mind floating to the dark places you tried very hard to hide from as you remembered the last party you’d gone to at your old university.  
“Crap Y/N we have ten minutes until class let’s get going,” Sena said as she scrambled to get her stuff together. 
---
You saw Doyoung again after class, he was walking across the parking lot to his car. He hadn’t seen you yet but you smiled as you decided to make your way over to him, it was weird that you enjoyed his company only because besides fooling around nothing else had really happened. You made it to his car before he did. So, you took the extra free time to stare at him, you took in the way he scrunched his eyes against the autumn sun, the way the breeze blew through his hair. 
“Doyoung!” You blinked your eyes away from him and moved your eyes in the direction of the call. You saw your neighbour again, you quickly looked back at Doyoung as he froze, stopping in his steps. You watched as his hands tightened into fists at his side and his chest rose and fell with deep breaths. He ignored her and continued in your directions towards the car. 
“Hey,” You said softly catching his attention. His head snapped to yours as he unlocked his car. He didn’t smile at you just nodded. “You going home?” he nodded again taking his bottom lip between his teeth in a manner that showed he wasn’t happy. 
“Get in.” He said as he yanked open his door. You obliged, pulling open the passenger door. You threw a glance over your shoulder. She was still standing there; you couldn’t help but sneer as you ducked into his car. 
He was silent as he pulled out the parking lot, his hands holding the steering wheel tightly causing his knuckles to turn white. You leaned forward and looked at the side of his face, you stared, because he wasn’t even turning on the radio. 
“Uh, you're being weird.” He said as you tilted your head more and moved closer to his side. 
“Am I?” You asked, he furrowed his eyebrows and pushed you back taking one hand off the wheel. 
“Tell me about it.” You said settling back into your seat, “Just say what’s bothering you it’ll help and I swear I won’t judge you.”  
He stayed silent and you sighed. 
“It can’t be worse than not knowing how to make a girl cum.” You joked. He scoffed as he glanced over at you again his face fighting a smile. 
“You know that’s not true.” He replied. 
“So, tell me.” You insisted again, “I mean I do know that she cheated on you.” You added bluntly. His barely-there smile disappearing again pushing him back into his silence. 
“She doesn’t deserve this much from you, you know that?” you said as he pulled into his driveway. “This much energy, and time.” He parked the car, but he didn’t move, both of you stayed in your seats not even unbuckling your seat belts. 
“She didn’t apologize, not once.” He was looking down at his hands. “Everyone tells me that she doesn’t deserve my time. She once told me that I didn’t deserve this, but you get what you deserve right? People always say that, what the fuck did I ever do to deserve this?” You shook your head as he spoke. Unbuckling your seat belt, you reached for him. Letting your hands guide his head so that he was looking at you, his eyes were watery and red filled with angry unshed tears. 
“The world does not give you what you deserve Doyoung, the world is unfair, and people are cruel. You did not deserve to be cheated on.” He stared at you, his hands shaking. He blinked his eyes forcing the moisture away before he moved, grabbing your chin and pulling your lips to his. You let him, getting caught up in the way his lips moved against yours, he stole your air. Greedily moving his hands to your hair and you let yours slip to his shirt, holding him close to you. 
He pulled away; his breathing uneven as he looked at you again. 
“Why are you here?” He asked, and you smiled at him. 
“Because babe, contrary to my jokes you can make a girl cum.” 
--- 
Doyoung enjoyed your company, he liked your weird bluntness, your lack of fear of the world but most of all he liked the sex. He liked that you looked at him like you wanted to eat him. He like that he didn’t feel lonely around you. He just liked you. 
“So we're basically friends with benefits then huh?” You asked pulling him out of his thoughts. He looked over at you, taking in the fact that you were still naked on his bed even though you two had fucked over an hour ago. 
“I mean because like if we are I just wanna know if we're the kind that don’t fuck other people or if we’re the kind that do.” He was perplexed by your rambling not expecting you to say this, and he wasn’t sure how to respond not that he got the chance because you continued. 
“I mean I’m not the type to sleep with more than one person like that, not that there’s anything wrong with people who do, I just would like to know if you’re, like you know, sleeping with people other than me that’s all.” 
He smiled at you as your cheeks turned a dark shade of red as you let words pour out of your mouth. 
“I’m not sleeping with anyone else.” He said cutting you off. You bit your lip, trying to hide the painfully obvious smile that was stretching across your face. Doyoung’s own smile only grew as he got up from his desk chair and moved to his bed climbing on top of you. He pressed his lips against yours lightly. 
“Want to go out somewhere today?” he asked looking down at you. 
“Like where?” 
--- 
“An indoor theme park?” You asked your eyes widening as you took in the rides and attractions. “You know in the month that I’ve known you Kim Doyoung, I did not take you for the theme park type.” He smiled at you as you continued to look around your hand reaching for his the more excited you got. 
“Come we have to start with this.” You said and began to pull him in the direction of the roller coaster. “No, wait,” You paused and pulled him in the other direction, “That’s gotta be last.” Doyoung laughed behind you letting you pull him. 
“Doyoung!” You exclaimed in amusement stopping in your tracks as you got excited again. “Look how big that bear is.” Your eyes moved to Doyoung’s face a huge smile taking over your facial expression. He looked down at you, his eyebrow cocked up as he looked down at you. 
“What?” You asked, getting slightly self-conscious as he looked at you. 
“I haven’t said a single word, yet you know that?” He teased leaning towards you. You rolled your eyes and pushed at his chest. 
“Get me the bear, Kim.” 
He didn’t get you the bear, turned out Doyoung sucked at these kinds of games because he tried five times and each time won nothing. You had to drag him away from the stall because if you didn’t, he would have stayed there the entire time. Hours passed as you went on ride after ride and played a couple more games where you did win a small bear, you’d passed it to Doyoung with a teasing remark that had him glaring at you. 
Exhausted you settled into the bench as you waited for Doyoung to come back with something to eat. You smiled at him when he looked over at you as he stood in the line for mini donuts, he winked back at you. A warm feeling settled into your stomach, you didn’t have time to think about it though as your phone began to ring. 
“Hello, brother.” You said happily. 
“Mom and dad called,” he said getting straight to the point, “They instructed that we have to go back for a dinner.” Your heart rate picked up as you processed what your brother had just said to you. You were beginning to feel warm as anger bubbled up inside you. 
“After they kicked us out?” You asked. Your anger coming out in your tone. Winwin didn’t respond. “Fuck them I’m not going.” 
“We have to Y/N, you know we have to.” He said and you hung up on him. Fuck them all. Who did they think they were? Winwin called again and you ignored the call turning your phone off. You didn’t want to deal with this right now. First, they kick you and your brother out over a business deal and now, now they were threatening money. You knew that you and your brother didn’t have incomes you knew that at the end of the day you still needed them. But you hated it. 
You tucked your phone away, looking up at Doyoung as he walked over to you and sat down, you took a mini donut shoving it into your mouth, your mouth burning with how hot it was. You swore as you opened your mouth and took in air to cool it down. Doyoung laughed at you, and just like that the anger from earlier dissipated and the warm feeling you had from before came back. You watched Doyoung as you chewed and he laughed at you, you couldn’t get enough of his laugh. He laughed around you a lot, and to be honest, you lived for it. 
“You’re so dumb.” He said still calming down from his laughing fit. His hand reached out rubbing at the corner of your mouth, wiping away sugar, and you swore your stomach felt like you were on the rollercoaster all over again. 
---
His hands were everywhere, grabbing at everything. Loud breaths filled your ears as he panted around you, your heart was beating a mile a minute in the worst kind of way. You opened your mouth to scream but you couldn’t as he pushed his tongue down your mouth. You couldn’t push him away he was everywhere.  
You woke up with a startle, your body drenched in a cold sweat. You shivered as your mind went into overdrive, your pulse drumming loudly as you turned over in your bed. You took in large breaths to try and calm yourself, to distract yourself from the memory. But every time you closed your eyes that night would come back. 
“No.” You said as Dae swarmed you, backing you into a corner. He was drunk insanely drunk, you pushed at his chest as his hands began to wander up to your thigh. 
He shushed you, his mouth coming down to yours. You shoved at him again turning your head to the side. 
“Why are you being this difficult?” he asked, his hand shooting out and grabbing your wrists. Your mind went blank as his mouth pushed back against yours his tongue pushing into your mouth. His knee came up between your legs. You screamed, and before you knew it, he was ripped off you. Your brother over him, fists were flying everywhere but you couldn’t hear anything over your own hysteria. Your hands were shaking as you pushed out the room and out the house, gasping for air as you tried to calm your breathing. 
 More hands were around you, pulling you towards them but you pushed them away. 
“Hey, hey.” It was Winwin, “I’m here. Let’s go home.” He said. You looked at him, your vision blurry. His lip was cut and from the way, his cheekbone was swelling you knew it would bruise tomorrow. 
You cried harder. 
You opened your eyes again, reaching for your phone. You thought that was gonna be the worst day of your life, but the next day was worse. 
Hitting the call button, you held the phone up to your ear. 
“Hello?” His voice was groggy, you realized that you’d woken him. 
“Doyoung.” You said quietly, “Can you come get me?” 
--- 
You weren’t shocked when he came, but that shocked you. The fact that you weren’t shocked. You could tell he was tired when he pulled up to your building. 
“Sorry,” You said as you got into the car. He shook his head slightly shivering as he looked over at you. 
“Are you okay?” You looked at your hands. You knew you could tell him, you knew you trusted him. You also knew that if you said you didn’t want to talk about it he’d just take you to his house and you’d sleep, but you needed to talk about it. You wanted to tell him. 
“My parents called my brother today.” You started, “They want us to go see them for dinner.” You looked over at Doyoung taking in his reaction, he looked confused, but he didn’t say anything he just listened and waited for you to continue. 
“My parents are complicated,” You continued, “they, well they kicked Winwin and I out at the end of the last school year…” 
Your father was furious the next morning, you’d never seen him this mad. Your hands were trembling in your lap as you listened to him yell at your brother. Your anger rising. 
“My deal fell through because you can’t keep your anger in check!” Your brother stayed silent as well, “Do you understand how much money we just lost, we’re all over the news our family name is ruined. They’re calling you a thug, what the fuck is wrong with you?” 
“He was coming on to me.” You finally said having enough, “H-he was trying to do things when I was saying no!” You yelled getting up. Your father turned his glare towards you. His eyes didn’t soften the way you expected them to. 
“He’s your boyfriend, isn’t he?” He asked his voice cold. Shock ran through your body at your fathers’ words. A business deal really meant more to him? You looked up at your mother who looked away from you. You blinked back tears as the rage in you rose again, you looked over at your brother who looked equally as shocked. His anger on his face. 
“You two need to get out of my house. I have to show the world that I don’t support your stupid behaviour and there will be consequences. You both are going to a different school and I will send you a fixed fund and pay for your tuition, but you will not stay at my house. I do not want to see your faces.” 
Doyoung listened intently as you told him everything, your hands fisting into your sweats as your anger rose inside you as you spoke. You couldn’t look at him though, you looked out the window. 
“And now you have to go see him because if you don’t, he threatens to not pay for anything?” Doyoung asked. You nodded still not looking at him. His hand reached out and grabbed your arm, but you flinched. His hand instantly shot away from you. 
“Baby, look at me.” He said keeping his hands to himself. You slowly turned your head to him; his face was angry. “That motherfucker that did that to you can rot in hell and your dad’s a greedy bastard. I’d say fuck it and don’t go but I understand why you have to.” He hesitantly reached for you again, this time you leaned into his reach taking his hand and pulling him towards you. “I – I can go with you if that would make you feel better.” He said. 
You’d done a lot of things to help you get over the incident, one of those things was trying to find a guy at the bar and fuck him, to prove to yourself that you had control over your own body that what happened with Dae, and your dad did not need to take over your whole life. That you did what you wanted, and you had control over what you wanted, you didn’t regret it either because somehow it got you to him. You pressed your lips to his kissing him slowly. You didn’t understand what you felt for him, but you knew that there was something because when you were around him you felt warm and safe, and free. 
---
You didn’t take Doyoung with you, but he told you that he’d have his phone on the entire time and that you could call him whenever. Getting out of your brothers’ car you both looked up at the huge house that you both use to call home. 
“I fucking hate him.” You mumbled to yourself and you both made your way up the few steps to the front door. Winwin pressed the doorbell and you both waited only a few seconds before your mother pulled the door open for you two. 
“Hello,” She said a tight smile on her face. “Please behave today, your father has put a lot of effort into making sure this day would come to be.” You were confused, you looked over at Winwin who mirrored your reaction. Effort into getting the two of you here? 
Your confusion vanished when you followed your mother into the sitting from and saw him. He sat there with a smirk, his body relaxed as he leaned back in a high back chair. His father sitting on a couch beside his mother. You looked around the room for your father, he was already looking at you with a fake smile on his face. 
“Welcome home kids.” 
--- 
You followed your father into his office, Winwin at your heels, he’d ushered the two of you to follow him as a deafening silence filled the sitting room for ten minutes as you all stared at each other. Your hands were sweating so much that you had to wipe them on your dress every few minutes. You were glad the dress was black. 
Your mother had finally ended the silence by announcing that the dinner was ready. Your father had ushered you after him the moment everyone had gotten up. 
As Winwin closed the door of the office you glared at your father. 
“What is th-”
He cut you off, “You will apologize to them after dinner, both of you. They agreed that the deal could be back on if you apologize.” You both balked at him. He didn’t allow either of you to speak before ushering you out of the room again. Both of you were too shocked to move still processing what your father had just said to you. When neither of you moved, he did, swinging open the door and walking out. You stared at your brother as he glared at the spot his father was standing in. 
“Fuck that.” He said and stormed after your father, you scrambled after him. 
“I don’t know what you thought was going to happen at this dinner, but the last thing we’re going to do is apologize to that fucking rat,” Winwin said stopping at the head of the long table as your father turned around and glared at him. The room was silent everyone staring at Winwin with wide eyes, even you were shocked. 
“And your inheritance? Your funds? Don’t forget your place kid. You will apologize.” Your father replied calmly. Your brother was fuming, taking a step forward until he was standing right in front of your father. 
“Fuck you and fuck your money.” 
Your father snorted. 
“How do you think your gonna afford your life boy?” 
“We’ll figure it out, we don’t need you.” You finally said taking your brother's hand and pulling him with you. You both left the large dining room, taking hurried steps towards the front door, both itching to be out the house. You pushed the front door open and walked out. 
“Go to the car,” Winwin said unlocking his car for you, “I have to grab something.” You nodded not questioning him and made your way to the car. 
You opened the door and got in, but someone caught the door as you pulled it. Dae leaned down into your space grabbing your face in his hand. His mouth a fraction away from yours, your nose was assaulted with the strong cologne he overused. 
“You think that you won?” he asked, “You didn’t, now you’re a broke bitch with nothing to your name. You’re a nobody.” You shoved him off of you kicking his shin as you did. He swore and let go of you backing up. He chuckled. “I heard about your new toy. I heard you suck his dick like a real whore would. So, it’s just me huh? It’s only a little bit before he gets bored of you. You aren’t enough and you never will be.” 
He slammed the door shut as Winwin bound out the house. You watched your brother as anger took over his features again as saw Dae
“See you on the ice motherfucker,” Dae said slamming into Winwin's shoulder as he passed him. 
“What did he say to you?” Winwin asked as he got into the car. You shook your head and looked away from him. 
“Let’s just go.” 
--- 
Three days and Doyoung hadn’t heard from you he’d called and texted only to be ignored. His head was spinning, he was feeling crazy. You weren’t his girlfriend, but he was losing it. His head ached as he stared at your contact. He felt lonely again his mind drifting to every place it shouldn’t go, every insecurity he’d developed lapping at him as he sat at the kitchen table. What happened? Did he do something wrong? Was it a mistake to tell you that he’d go with you? You hadn’t taken him after all, you hadn’t called him after and when he had called you, you’d ignored him. That awful feeling of abandonment hit him hard, his heart hurt and he couldn’t explain why. 
He got up stalking over to the cabinet and pulling out Jaehyun’s alcohol again. He didn’t need a shot glass he just opened the bottle and took a swing, the liquor burned as it made its way down his throat. He didn’t give himself time to think before he drank more. 
He wasn’t going to go see you, one because he couldn’t do that to himself this time not again, he couldn’t beg like he had with his ex. He also realized that he didn’t have a single clue where your dorm was. That realization also hurt because he’d let you into his life every inch of it, and the moment he found out something dark about you, you shut him out. He closed his eyes as he took another swing, no rational thought entering his mind as he did so. 
“Why do they ruin all my good places?” He muttered to himself as he grabbed his keys from the key holder, stumbling towards the door. 
“Hey what the fuck, Doyoung are you drunk?” Ten’s voice caught his attention as he opened the front door, cold hair hitting him as he did. 
“I mean I don’t know.” He replied, his words kind of slurring. Ten furrowed his eyes brows at him rushing to him as he did. 
“Were you going to drive?” He asked. 
“I mean maybe. I don’t know.” He replied. 
Ten narrowed his eyes at him and took his keys. Doyoung rolled his eyes and glared down at the boy. 
“Well fine then you gotta drive me, okay?” he said and grabbed Ten's arm pulling him out the house towards his car. 
“Why are you drunk on a Wednesday Doyoung, I thought you stopped this.” Ten said, Doyoung could sense the judgement in his friends’ words. But he’d expected it. His vision blurred as he leaned back into his seat, his head spinning from the alcohol. He closed his eyes and laughed. 
“Ten my man, it’s because I’m a fucking loser and everyone leaves me.” His head fell to the side as Ten started the car. 
“Take me to the indoor theme park.” He said and then laughed, “because I’m a sucker for a bad time.” 
A couple of minutes later Ten was parked in the parking lot, but the theme park was closed. Doyoung just nodded his head as Ten told him leaning his head into the window. 
“Did you really like her?” Ten asked, his voice soft. Doyoung shrugged. 
“Not that it matters now.” But he did, the answer was yes. He liked you around him, he liked your laugh, your smile, the ease you gave him. He liked that you spoke too much practically all the time and never really thought about what you were about to say. He liked how you made him feel, he liked that you didn’t make him want to drink. He liked you. 
Ten frowned, staring at Doyoung. 
“I’m not back to drinking like before,” Doyoung said quietly, he wasn’t able to look at Ten. “I just – I’m not back to drinking okay?” 
“Okay.” 
“Give me a couple of minutes and then we can go.” Ten nodded at Doyoung’s words and turned up the music. 
--- 
Doyoung was pissed, it had been a week and honestly, he didn’t give a fuck anymore, or at least he liked to tell himself that. He kept his word and didn’t drink, but that just meant that he was always angry, especially angry whenever he looked at Winwin. 
“We’re playing against your old school huh?” Doyoung heard Jaehyun ask Winwin. The other boy only nodded as he got into his gear. Doyoung ground his teeth and continued to get dressed. He wanted to be out on the ice bad, his blood was pumping, he needed to let the anger out one way or another. 
Halfway through the game, Doyoung was drenched in sweat, but his anger was coming down as he let himself be taken away by the sport. Adrenaline pumped through him as the whistle blew starting the third period. The other team got possession and Doyoung focused on defence. He kept his mind blank as he played only thinking about the game, Jungwoo checked the player with the puck, the puck going astray. Doyoung took his opening and claimed the puck, skating as he looked around for an open teammate to pass to. Seeing Winwin open he sent the puck down the ice in the same second he was slammed into the plexiglass. His ribs ached from the hit he slipped onto the ice and looked up at the guy who’d hit him, for some reason he was hovering over him still. 
“How are my sloppy seconds?” He asked, “The prude give you blue balls yet?” Doyoung’s head spun as he slowly got up, he was used to hits so his usual recovery time wasn’t this slow but, then again, he never was hit this hard. “But then again I heard that she sucks your dick like a prostitute.” But he wasn’t slow to understand what this fuck was saying. Taking his gloves off as he got up, Doyoung swung at the other man. His hands shoving him hard in the chest, before skating after him and grabbing his jersey. Doyoung didn’t think he just began to punch him, he was shoved back his helmet coming off as the other boy took his own helmet off. 
“Fuck you.” Doyoung spat, as the boy charged him, he got one good hit in. Straight to Doyoung’s jaw, before the refs were on them. Winwin was in front of him in seconds grabbing him from the ref. 
“Relax.” The younger boy said as the ref ejected both Doyoung and the other guy. 
“Let me go.” He said and shook Winwin off of him as he skated off the ice and went straight to the change room. 
--- 
He was under the spray of the shower when you walked into the locker room. The steam was filling the locker room, making the air hot as you quietly walked in his direction. He saw you before you spoke his eyes darkening as you leaned against the wall. 
“Doyoung.” You said his name softly, earning a glare from him. You deserved it; you’d let Dae’s words get to you. But now looking at him, taking the way he winced under the hot water the darkening bruise on his ribcage, the cut on his lip. You frowned. 
Dae was wrong. You looked at Doyoung, you knew whatever happened on the ice was because of you, and he’d done that even when you’d ignored him. 
“I’m sorry,” you said and took a step towards him. 
“For what? Ignoring me?  Or fucking with my head?” You didn’t reply just walked towards him, slowly getting under the water and letting your hands trace over his ribcage, your fingers skimming over the growing bruise. 
“For everything.” You said, letting your hand move up to his wet hair. The water soaked into your clothes as you pulled him into you, he let you. His arms looping around your waist. You looked up at him watching his face soften as he took you in. 
“Why’d you ignore me?” he asked. His breath fanning across your face. 
“Someone told me I wasn’t enough for you and I believed them.” Doyoung’s hands tightened, you closed your eyes and pressed your forehead against his. “I let my head get carried away with every insecurity I’ve ever had.” 
“I’m glad you came to your senses.” He said, his hand moving your shirt up so that his fingers could trace your skin. He pressed his lips to yours kissing you slowly as he moved your wet shirt up your torso. 
“Don’t ignore me next time.” He said moving his lips to your jaw, “Come talk to me instead.” You nodded and pulled out of his hold. Pushing him to the wall you ripped your shirt off over your head and quickly took off your pants. 
“Promise.” You said, “but we don’t have that long until the game ends.” looking up at him through hooded eyes, you pressed yourself against him again, you kissed his jaw, before moving down to his collar bone, taking the skin onto your mouth you gently bit it before running your tongue over it as he hissed. You kissed down his chest to the side of his ribcage pressing hot kisses down his wet skin. Until you got to his erection, he was hard and ready for you. You squatted down taking him in your hand as you looked up at him, he looked at you through half-lidded eyes as you slowly moved your hand up and down his length before pressing a soft kiss to the head. He groaned before letting his head fall back as he tangled his hand into your wet hair. 
“Babe,” He moaned as you took this tip into your mouth swirling your tongue around before moving him further into your mouth. Your hand working the rest of his cock as you continued to slowly move down on him. 
You stopped when Doyoung removed his hand from your hair and grabbed your wrist, you looked up at him again. His chest was heaving, and he looked at you like he was ready to devour you. 
“I love it when you give me head, but we really don’t have time for that.” He said moving himself out of your mouth. He pulled you up to him, his mouth joining yours again and his fingers trailed to your core. 
“So wet.” He said dragging a finger through your fold. Pulling his hand away from you he turned you around before turning around himself, your front against the cold wall, you moaned at the contrast. 
“Don’t take too long.” He said and lined himself up at your entrance. You moaned when he sank in his hands grabbing roughly at your ass before he started to thrust into you. You arched your back as you clenched around him, his cock twitching in you. 
“You’re so tight.” He moaned, his hand grabbing at your shoulder as his thrusts became harsher. You heard the buzzer of the game, indicating that the game was over. Your moans grew louder as the idea of the entire hockey team rushing in hit you. 
“Fuck,” Doyoung groaned his thrusts growing harsher, as you neared your climax. “You gotta cum now, pretty girl.” He said his arm winding around you so that his fingers could rub your clit. The added pressure pushed you along until your orgasm smashed into you. You moaned loudly as Doyoung continued to thrust into you, your muscles twitching around him pushing him to his climax. 
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” He panicked as he pulled out of you, using his hand to reach his orgasm. “We forgot a condom.” You turned around pushing his hand away and working him with your own until he came. You pushed your lips against him, both of you breathing erratically as you kissed. 
“What am I going to wear to get out.” You asked him pulling away from him. You both looked at your wet clothes. 
“I have an extra hoodie here, and I can look in Ten’s cubby he’s probably got sweats that will fit you.” 
He didn’t finish his sentence as the boys crashed into the locker room. Your eyes widened mirroring Doyoung’s. He quickly yanked you pulling you towards the line of toilet stalls. He shoved you in as the boys barked at each other not noticing the two of you yet. 
“Sorry stay here.” He said shoving his towel at your chest. 
“Dude why are you walking around naked?” You heard Mark ask as you wrapped the towel around yourself. 
“Because I can.” You hear Doyoung mumble back, his tone irritated. 
--- 
“You guys take forever in the change room.” You complained as Doyoung walked with you to the dorms. 
“My coach would have killed us.” He stated as he pulled you into him. “I’m sorry though that’s the only thing I could think of.” 
“Whatever it’s okay.” 
“So, I finally get to go up to your dorm huh?” He asked, and you nodded. 
“I would have brought you sooner, but I have a roommate who never leaves our room. I love her but damn is she anti-social. Getting her to that start of the year party was hard.” You explained as the two of you climbed the stairs. Doyoung looked at your ass as you walked up in front of him. It was hard not to. He was glad to hear that the reason for not seeing your dorm was because of something simple and not what he’d actually made it into in his head. You rounded out the stairwell pushing the door open into the hall of your floor. Doyoung froze as he realized what floor you lived on. A floor he’d been to many, many times last semester. 
“Doyoung?” He heard her voice before he saw, and dread set into him again. He snapped his head towards her direction as your hand slipped into his. His ex was staring at him, her eyes slightly wide as she took in his profile. The cut lip, the slightly swelling jaw. He frowned at her. 
“What?” He asked his voice cold. 
“Uh, what happened to you?” She asked. 
“None of your business.” He replied. She nodded. He watched her as she swallowed and hesitated again. He tightened his hand around yours again. 
“Uh yeah. D-do you think I could talk to you in private for a second?” she asked glancing over at you. 
“Whatever you have to say you can say in front of Y/N.” 
“Yeah, okay sure, you know I – I realized I never apologized to you.” She finally said. Doyoung was shocked, he was silent for a few seconds. He wasn’t sure if he heard that right. He was only snapped out of his daze when you tugged on his hand lightly taking his attention from his ex to you. You looked up at him with a soft expression on your face, you looked so wholly his. The way you were looking at him his heart clenched as he looked back at his ex. Somewhere along the way, he realized that he didn’t care about his ex anymore, he didn’t miss her or want her back. He was hurt sure but that was fading too. He knew he wanted to hear this and here it was, and it felt like he was being freed. 
“I forgive you.” She nodded her eyes filling with water. Doyoung turned away from her taking you into his arms. 
“Now show me where your room is baby.” He said smiling down at you. You smiled up at him and nodded pulling him with you towards your room. 
“It’s nothing special.” You said as you pushed the room door open. He didn’t look around as he closed the door behind him. Just pushed you onto your bed, kissing you. 
He wasn’t gonna let you get away from him. 
Not that you were planning on going anywhere.
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A/N: Thank you so much for reading this, I really hope you guy enjoyed it! Please let me know what you guys thought, any opinions or comments you have on the story are very much welcome I love to hear from you guys so please don’t hesitate to let me know what you think. Additionally if you have any constructive criticism don’t  be afraid to let me know, I always want to get better so its welcome and appreciated. 
The next part to this AU will be Winwin so please look forward to that! and once again thank your for reading I really hope you liked it! 
309 notes · View notes
maibi · 3 years
Text
The Past Never Forgets
Pt. 1
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Dabi x reader
Warnings: killing, cursing
Summary: as a cast out by society you find your way to the League of Villains. Your family that had given up on searching for you after you ran away , but after 5 years, in some mysterious way, they found your hide-out. 
A/n: I got the quirk idea from someone else bc my brain isn’t working with me. They have a lot of other fan made quirks I will put the link right here, you can check it out!! ( https://www.wattpad.com/672985786-my-fan-quirks-venom ) 
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Life wasn’t really something that had been going great for you. In fact your life had been pretty shit. You were an outcast, hated by society, hated by your own family. All because of your unbearable quirk. You had no place to feel safe and no place to call home. Your family made sure you never used your quirk because it could cause deaths among your loved ones. Your childhood was ruined all because of the image they wanted to hold as a family. they put their desires of fame above your well-being and you saw only one option to change that. And that was by running away. The only thing you had been taught was to hate what you used to love, you were basically emotionless.
As a teenager of 16 years old you decided to run away from home. You never got treated right and you were seen as a death-threat. You yourself didn’t see any problems with your quirk, but your family had other opinions about that. There were rules for you, and only you. None of your siblings had any of these rules, because their quirks were hero-like and yours was villain-like. If you used your quirk without permission you would be left in a dark room with no food for a whole day. They would call this discipline, but in reality this was child abuse. The only person caring about you was your grandma, but after she passed away you had no reason to stay in that house.
Your family tried searching for you, but gave up quickly when they realized life would be much better without you around. You quickly realized that life would also be much better without them. You had blamed yourself for your quirk. For all those years in that place that was a so called home, you had believed that your quirk was a threat to society. That if you made the wrong moves they would take a hold of your life. But after running away, and finding people that adored you for your quirk, it made you realize what a real family was. And you realized that your quirk was more than just a threat to society, it was something that belonged to you and only you. 
You were the holder of the Venom quirk.
For 5 years you wandered around, going from city to city and doing about anything to provide yourself some food and a place to sleep. You never stayed put, that wasn’t your way of going. You went from place to place, exploring different streets from every city and making yourself known within the “villain community”. It wasn’t every day people got to see a venom quirk in action, so they were all curious enough to let you stay with them.
One day, before you had settled down, you were wandering around a new city, chewing on some stolen buns, you walked in a side street, hidden from the citizens. You saw blue flames and it struck to you. You had always liked the color blue, it was a pretty color compared to your dark purple venom, you didn’t like the color purple after all. You had watched the holder of the blue flames do his thing on a person who was trying his hardest to escape. He was unable to let out a sound as the blue flame man was keeping his hands strongly around his throat. 
You were interested in this person, not because he was probably a villain, but mainly because you thought his quirk was cool. Oh yeah, and of course because of the color blue. You wanted to know who’s quirk would be stronger. You were curious, so you budged in, not caring about what would happen. You threw your bun on the ground.
“I mean, that’s pretty kinky”, you said. 
his hand shot in your direction, but you were quick to react. Before his flames could hit you, you had made an X motion with your arms, letting out your venom in a shield form, protecting you from the burning flames. If there was one thing you had learned from wandering on your own, it were quick reflexes. you felt that his flames were powerful, but you knew for a fact that he didn’t use all of his strength.
“You got some good reflexes”, he said continuing to strangle the small dude. 
“You seem... interested in that kind of stuff”, you said, pointing at his hands around the man’s throat. 
“well what can I say, it’s tempting sometimes”, he said with a smirk. “I mean you can join in if you’d like that.”
He dropped the man and watched him crawl his way in the other direction. “That’s your prey, you sure you wanna just let him escape?”, you curiously asked, smirking back at him.
“He can’t go far, the next person will get him”, he said as he properly turned around and leaned against the stone cold wall. You couldn’t help but laugh at the thought of him actually freezing against the cold wall right now. “Now tell me, what brings you to this side of the city?”
“I saw blue flames and I like the color blue”, you shrugged, placing your hands in your pockets. “Nothing more.”
He walked closer to you, examining you from head to toe with his eyes. You let him, because in the end what did you have to lose? If he wanted to kill you, he would have probably already tried to do that. But he was just looking at you, probably trying to figure out how your quirk was supposed to work. 
“You saw blue flames and you like the color blue”, he silently repeated your sentence. His eyes stopped trailing down your body when he connected eyes with you. “Do you have any clue as to who I am?”
“Not the slightest”, you answered, breaking the eye contact first by walking past him to the direction the person that was a victim of his blue flames. He was gone, with only a splash of blood and a limb on the ground. You smiled to yourself. He had not survived just like flame boy said.
This could get interesting. You had thought to yourself. 
“What exactly is it that you do around here”, he asked while walking behind you. “Never saw you around here. You new?”
“You could say that”, you answered. But left out the fact that you were only new to the city and not to the whole “villain” thing, because giving away your life wasn’t really your plan yet.
“What about you? I never heard of you”, you said.
“My name is quite known here”, he smirked, walking closer to you. “The name is Dabi.” 
“Nice to meet you infamous Dabi”, you said as you inched closer too, showing him you were by no means intimidated by him. “I look forward to hearing and seeing you more often.”
After that you had made yourself known in the new city you visited, the city were you had met Dabi, the so called famous villain. You did hear a lot about him, making him a lot more interesting. There were many encounters between the two of you and he had tried to convince you to join his little group of friends called the League of Villains. You liked to work independent, so you kindly rejected his offer. 
But it wasn’t after a very fierce battle that Dabi had been heavily injured. You wouldn’t consider yourselves friends at that time, but you were close enough to not let him die. You hadn’t received from him what you had wanted. So you brought him to his hide-out, where the other members of the League were. 
The time you had spent there as just “a visitor”, had turned into you wanting to have more fun so you decided to join, without a plan. You were still allowed to move on your own so you didn’t see that much of a problem. They weren’t people with rules, or whatever. You lived freely, and you were happy about that.
You had made that place your home. Things that started off as a joke, turned into things that were important to you. These people were the people that didn’t fear you, but were happy to battle with you. These people wanted to get stronger for their own sake and didn’t live up to the will of other’s. Even if they looked like emotionless people, they cared about each other. And that was a place you liked to call home.
that all lead to the present. You were sitting with Dabi at the edge of high building, thinking about some random plan Shigaraki had made you think about. It wasn’t even necessary, he just needed a back-up plan.
“We’re not really gonna write this down are we?”, you asked as you held a piece of paper and a pen in your hands. “Shigaraki has to be kidding if he really wants a back-up plan for this one. I’m 99% sure we’re winning this one.” You slowly watched your venom eat up the paper as you threw the pen off of the building. 
Shigaraki had planned to attack UA, you didn’t really care about UA, but because Shigaraki had let you do just about anything while being with them you didn’t mind helping him out. “We can never go wrong with a back-up plan, you know.”
“But I mean, he has been planning for over a month now. How wrong can stuff go? Worst case scenario is that we retreat. They can’t possibly be this cautious beforehand?”
“Oh, you don’t know UA. They do just about anything to keep school grounds safe. They have everything ready for literally the worst case scenario”, Dabi said.
“But everything has been planned out, we literally searched for every possible thing that could go wrong and we found a solution for that. I really don’t think we need this. Besides, since when does Shigaraki want back-up plans, he never did-”, your head shot up in realization and you slapped dabi across his chest as you lightly gasped. “You little shit. Shigaraki didn’t ask us to make a back-up plan! Why did you bring me here then?!”
“Ding ding ding, someone caught on”, he said as he slowly rose to his feet.
“But why!”, you asked as you also stood up.
“To protect you”, he said smugly.
“To protect me?”, you said questionably. “And why would you do that? I survived on my own for 5 years on the street, I think I can handle some high school children.”
He came closer to you and kissed your lips for only a second. He did this often, it’s not like it was the first time he did it, but it always left you a little flustered. It was not everyday you had received any form of affection, so it was all new to you. You two weren’t in a “relationship”, but it sure was something along those lines. Whenever he’d kiss you, your so called superiority went down a little only because you did not know how to act. But you never let yourself get trampled over. 
“Dabi I’m serious here, why did you take me here. If Shigaraki is fighting some people right now we should at least help him. Your own feelings shouldn’t come first place when it’s such a dangerous thing. I can care for my own, so let’s go help Shigaraki. He helped us out too many times to leave him alone there”, you said in a strict tone, showing him that you were by no means playing. “Besides I haven’t thrown a good punch in a while, I need this.”
“It was him that told me to bring you here, tho I would have even if he didn’t ask me to”, he said. “Your family found your occupation. Not the real hide-out, but you know the one where we-”
You slapped a hand on his lips, making sure he didn’t continue that sentence. Your face was flushed and his lips turned into a smirk. You didn’t like it when openly talked about your intimate relationship. He knew exactly how to fluster you, but right now wasn’t really the best moment to do so. 
You looked at the ground, eyebrows furrowed. Your family really had the audacity to come search for you now? It felt like bullshit to you. You looked at Dabi and straightened your posture. “All the more reasons for me to head over and take a look.”
62 notes · View notes
fefipranon · 3 years
Text
List of my works
Saved By Deception
Description:
Mikasa is an independent, strong, and self-made successful woman. She is a force to be reckoned with in a field dominated by men.
What happens when she is held hostage by an arrogant, jerk who is the leader of one of the most dangerous and powerful gangs that exist?
Will she follow the orders of this chauvinist pig or will she make his life a living hell?
Comedy, drama, angst, smutty lemon, and a cat. This story is a wild crazy ride.
Author notes: 
You don’t need to read or watch anything prior this book to understand the story. It’s mostly comedy, but there is also action, angst and smut. Topics I addressed here are feminism, the struggles of the LGBTQ community, PTSD, rape, and abuse of power.
Some reader’s reviews:
“I totally loved it from beginning to end!!! It was such an amazing rollercoaster! I was so invested in this story that I ended the hole thing in one day!! If you write and post the sequel, well... count me in!!! I wish I could give more kudos!!” -  Avalon_Titania
“It took me a while for the story to settle down, to figure out what it means to me, and to finally comment here. But here we go. Reading this story was an amazing journey which gave me lots of joy, some tears and unaccountable amount of smiles. Now, thinking about it makes me feel warm and grateful that you shared this work with us. I love how freely you wrote about everything, how you broke various stereotypes, and spoke about the things that matter. All of this, while managing to make us laugh in every chapter! You are a truly amazing writer and I would gladly read the sequel if you decided to share it too.” -  Not_Orange
“I just found out this story. I can’t believe I missed this. This is amazing 💐💐. I haven’t finished the story yet, I felt that I need to leave a comment first of how amazing and funny the story is. I can’t wait to finish this and omg the sequel. Sign me up for the sequel, needs more stories of them. It’s just, we haven’t got enough stories of them 🤧🤧.” -  avaleen
“I LOVE your story! I adore the way you depicted the characters, how you mixed fun and dark themes, and most of all, I really enjoyed the way you included some schooling on the feminist cause, sexual abuse and the psychology behind it. It was very well done! I can’t wait to read the following story! I found a few grammatical mistakes here and there and sometimes, the way you build your sentences could need to be a little lighter but overall, nothing that really disturbs the story. Thank you for writing this, this is probably my favorite Rivamika story. Keep up with the good work!” -  Valkorian
You can find the story in the following links:
Archive of our own:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/27557422/chapters/67401547
Wattpad:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/247716329-saved-by-deception
____________________
The power of death
Description:
Mikasa is a woman suffering from clinical depression. There is one thing that she is sure of: she wants to die. But when she received some unexpected news that makes her death wish a reality, she starts to wonder if that was really what she wanted. She starts a journey to discover the truth about her biological parents that gave her up for adoption when she was a baby. This journey will guide her to cross paths with someone as broken as her, someone that hates her to death for what her biological family did to him. Will she have the courage to, for once, fight to live? or will she let him drag her to hell with him?
Author notes:
You don’t need to read or watch anything prior this book to understand the story. Topics I discuss here are depression, anxiety, anti-depressants, racism, genocide, LGBTQ, terminal disease, racial trauma, euthanasia, adoption. It has comedy and smut but is mostly angst oriented.
Some reader’s reviews:
“Why am I suddenly crying?!? I will always remember this story... I loved every single character of it, both with their funny and dark sides. Because that's life sometimes... 🎭 Thank you author for this beautifully written story!! I already miss it “ -  Levi_is_a_dilf
“Dude this book was great, not to mention all of your books are! Always so well thought out & planned. The fact that some chapters if not all were hours long really shows how great of a creator & genius you are as well! Anyways can't wait to read this again once my forgetful brain has erased my memory of the whole plot.😅” - lolzleigh
“The most beautiful conclusion to one of my fave stories!!! I'm honestly so moved and proud of the message you wanted to transmit there. The last phrase sums it up , to never give up easily because of a difficulty. A bad day doesn't indicate a bad life. Thank you author for your hard work, I'm looking forward to your next story!! 💪🏻🧡” -  Leyla
“ Loved it!!!! You have such a beautiful smart and unique way of writing, I love the way you express their personalities including their silly moments Please don’t stop writing I love your stories and I’ll be looking forward for your next work!!” -  Fiorylita
You can find the story in the following links:
Archive of our own:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/30452145/chapters/75087657
Wattpad:
https://www.wattpad.com/story/264598251-the-power-of-death
____________________
Twisted Fate
Description: 
Eren and Levi share a secret about Mikasa's past. Mikasa confesses her feelings to Eren, only to be rejected. After watching her almost die, Eren realizes he has feelings for her, but she has already moved on to Levilandia.
"I thought they hated each other"
Before losing hope he thinks that maybe... if he tells Mikasa who the captain really is... he might have a chance, or fuck it up?
Is the Ackerman bond stronger than a lifetime of memories together?
Jealousy, drama, a shared secret, and Titans, what could possibly go wrong?
Author notes:
Everything needed to understand the story from ‘Attack on Titan’ is added in the story already. Optional reading or watching of ‘Attack on Titan’ anime if more information about the general universe is desired. It’s a comedy but also has angst and smut. Topics I addressed here is the difference between a healthy and a toxic relationship.
Some reader’s reviews: 
“Omg this is by far one of the best stories I’ve read!! You’ve done such an amazing job at capturing the characters!! I’d love to see a continuation of this story or just more rivamika” -  mori87
“So I binge-read this fic and devoured it in half a day reading between breaks at work and on the way home till I'm done right now just before midnight -in my time zone anyway- and BOY THAT WAS SOME FIC!!! It had me laughing so hard at times and holding my breath waiting for what's to come at times. I loved the way you portrayed Levi here. This arrogant, annoying, funny, caring fighter and leader and the way you made Mikasa an even more bad-ass warrior. Looking forward to reading more of you.” -  Marwa_Aslaa3
“ Thank you so much for this amazing story! I read the whole story in one sitting and I can't remember when was the last time I was so happy about something. It made me smile and giggle the whole day, it made me feel warm. You are a true hero and have the ability to give magic to the sentences you write”-  Not_Orange
You can find the story in the following links:
Archive of our own:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/26397433/chapters/64303924
Wattpad: 
https://www.wattpad.com/story/240534704-twisted-fate-rivamika-lemon
____________________
How to be happy
Description:
What would happen if Mikasa was pulled out of her universe into ours after Eren saved her? What would happen when Levi is pulled out of the rumbling straight into Mikasa's apartment in our world?
Author notes:
It is necessary to read or watch ‘Attack on Titan’ prior this book to be able to understand the story. This one can be said that is half canon verse half Alternate Universe since Levi jumps to our universe straight from the rumbling. This is one shot I did for Rivamika week. It’s mostly fluff and a little comedy.
Some reader’s reviews:
“ What can I say? It's perfect as always ((X You really are talented in writing so I hope you'll keep doing that in the future! I think we (rivamika peeps) all agree to say that you're a special someone in this community (as well as our Dildo Queen, this one may be my own thought though^^) (Saved by Deception story reference) I'm glad you participated in this event because this one-shot was wonderful, inventive and fun to read! Keep going Queen, you're nailing it!!!” -  Hayden_dsc
You can find the story in the following links:
Archive of our own:
https://archiveofourown.org/works/28809051
Wattpad: 
https://www.wattpad.com/story/255240403-how-to-be-happy
49 notes · View notes
recurring-polynya · 3 years
Note
Your thoughts and headcannons on Nemuri Hachigou because I don't think she gets talked about enough, when in reality she's pretty interesting, she's essentially, a blank slate, Mayuri's second chance that I don't think he feels like he deserves. She's Nemu but she isn't and I think people(especially Mayuri) forget that a lot, that's a fascinating position to be in.
Puttin’ this under a cut because I’m gonna say some unkind things about Mayuri and I do not want to cause any distress to the many lovely people on this website who delight in his horrible antics.
This is not so much a headcanon so much as a thing I came up with for fanfiction purposes, but it’s all I got.
Right. So, like I said, I despise Mayuri. I just hate him. I understand that he appeals to some people, but I strongly dislike the dude and go to exorbitant lengths to avoid him ever appearing in my fanfic.
Additionally, I do not vibe with Nemu 7. She registers as not-a-person for me, she’s basically an extension of Mayuri himself. Don’t get me wrong, I find Mayuri’s treatment of her to be vile and I wish someone would take her away from him, but she comes off as very robotic to me. She is conscious, but she is not an independent being, if that makes sense. She is not a real girl. It’s funny that Mayuri keeps talking about how advanced she is, because clearly he means only her cognitive and fighting abilities. In terms of recreating a person, she’s incredibly primitive compared to the other mod souls we see. Take Kon, for example, who has a fairly limited powerset, but is never presented as less of a soul than any of the other characters. An even more interesting example is Ururu and Jinta. Ururu is described as being older than Jinta, and she is clearly “less human” than him-- she has less affect, she shifts into a distinct “attack” mode, etc, which implies that Jinta represents advances in mod soul technology. It’s notable that Urahara and Tessai and even Renji, in the canon scene where he protects the Shouten kids, never treats them as anything less than people. The contrast with the way Mayuri treats Nemu is stark. He likes that her feelings and personality are limited, he sees this as a feature.
I was completely unmoved by the entire chapter where Nemu died. Her sacrifice did not come across to me as anything indicating growth or humanity-- in every battle she's ever been in, she nearly dies because Kurotsuchi tells her to. She simply prioritizes Mayuri over herself. She always has. It’s simply the logical extension of her programming. A lot of people say they would have preferred Nemu to live and Mayuri to die and for sure I would have *preferred* that, but I have never seen Nemu as enough of a character to be worth rooting for. Like, at least Uryuu would have gotten some satisfaction form killing his clown ass, and that might have convinced me for at least half a second that he actually was on the side of the Quincy.
Caveat: if some talented fanficcer wants to write a short novel on Nemu discovering her humanity etc etc, I’m all for it, I’m just saying that canon hasn’t given us anything to suggest she would do more than just shut down without Mayuri to tell her what to do.
Onto Nemuri 8. I can’t believe they let Mayuri have another one. It makes my blood boil. The dude is an on-screen abuser and Kubo had the gall to try to make me feel sorry feel him (I did not) and then gave him another one.
So, I took her away from him.
I mentioned earlier that I go to great lengths to keep Mayuri the hell out of my fanfic, and usually the way I do that is to have my characters go through Akon whenever they have to deal with Squad 12. I think I started doing this because Akon is sort of weirdly familiar with Renji and Rukia in the TYBW, but I have projected all over him and he’s mine now. The way I assume Squad 12 functions, based on my career in scientific programming, is that Mayuri is like a primary investigator-- he's the Big Ideas guy and he spends a lot of time doing wholly self-directed research. He’s the face of Squad 12, so he has to go talk to the Captain-Commander and beg for money and defend blowing things up, but when it comes to science stuff, he does what he wants. Nemu is the lieutenant, and I think she handles most of the usual lieutenanting-- paperwork, meetings, etc., but I think Mayuri takes up a lot of her time by using her as a personal lab assistant on his wacky projects. There's nothing wrong with this, but I think in a lot of squads, the lieutenant is responsible for the day-to-day running of the squad and spends a lot of time dealing with their subordinates and other lieutenants. Nemu, instead, focuses on her captain. Now, the rest of the Gotei counts on Squad 12 for a lot actually-- gigai, Hollow tracking, Dangai monitoring, etc. etc. From the point of view of most science people, this stuff is mundane-- it’s all application, not development, and all the difficulty is in the twitchy little details. It’s frustrating and it’s unrewarding and you never get credit for it, and it is vitally important. There is a certain kind of science professional that makes a career out of this. They usually have master's degrees instead of PhDs, and they are usually tragically underpaid and underappreciated for what they do. In the real world, without these people, you wouldn’t have mass vaccination sites or weather data on your phone or cute li’l robots landing on other planets. In Bleach, these are the people keeping soul reapers alive in the field. And in my mind, this is Akon’s department.
So here’s the headcanon:
After Nemu’s death, Mayuri has so much sad clown pain about it that he wants another robot child poste-haste, but can’t bring himself to do the actual work, so he shoves it off onto Akon, with a list of the design specs he wants. The last one was pretty good, Akon can handle a few minor upgrades, it doesn’t need his personal hand in it. Thinking about going through all that work again just pisses him off, honestly. What a waste!
And Akon's like, yeah, cool, fine. It was heavily implied that he did a lot of the work on Nemu 7, it's just a matter of digging out his old notes and cleaning out some vats.
Except that, right around the same time, Rukia and Renji decide to have a baby.
Babies are super rare in the Gotei, and it’s not like those stuffy nobles are gonna let Akon look at their precious offspring. But Rukia is a rank weirdo, and Akon is their pal, so she’s always like “I hear they have these things in the Living World where you can pee on a stick and tell if you’re pregnant, can you make me one?” and Akon’s brain goes, “Wow, what even is the first detectable sign of a newly formed soul, this is very interesting.” So, at the same time he’s trying to grow a new and improved Nemu, he’s got access to the developing fetus of two captain-class shinigami. So when he has to pick between eight good candidate embryos to move to the next vat, he picks… not the one with the strongest reiatsu signature, like they did last time, but the one whose reiatsu looks the most like a real baby.
Akon reminds me of a lot of programmers I know, so I always sort of headcanon him as particularly interested in whatever passes for programming in Squad 12, and I think he takes special interest in revamping Nemu’s artificial intelligence system, which is primarily based on taking in information about the world and building up a realistic personality based on people she observes. In particular, it gives extra weight to “people who resemble her”. Nemu 7 was raised by Squad 12, so she came up very Squad 12, just like Mayuri wanted. Unfortunately, toddler Hachigou Nemuri’s algorithm unexpectedly decides that she has much more in common with toddler Abarai Ichika than any of the adult soul reapers around her.
Nemuri 8 is a very successful sample in terms of power and intelligence but she’s also very boisterous, and the rest of Squad 12 is like “Akon do something” so Akon takes drastic measures: he asks Renji for parenting advice. Distressingly, Renji is full of useful ideas like “tire her out” and “only fight the important battles” and “we’re signed up for baby yoga, you wanna start comin’ to baby yoga? Your back is gonna thank you.”
Akon didn't mean to let them hang out so much, but Ichika is a very useful data point and also if he takes Nemuri over to the Abarai house, the girls will entertain themselves (i.e. chew on each other) long enough for him to have a beer with Renji and Rukia and honestly my man really needs that beer.
I don’t think Akon thinks of himself as Nemu’s dad past the first time when she calls him ‘Daddy’ and he corrects her (she only did it because that’s what Ichika calls Renji, very predictable quirk of her programming). She’s just a work project. She’s not even his project, she’s Mayuri’s project, he’s just handling the little details. Fathering just happens to be an adjacent field of study that he’s found to contain a number of very useful best practices.
I would prefer not to get into the detail of the physical abuse that Mayuri uses against Nemu 7, but I would like to think that Akon finds ways to protect Nemuri 8 from the same, or barring that, maybe this is what finally drives Akon to murder Kurotsuchi and become Squad 12 captain himself.
Other Nemuri Headcanons:
Her favorite book is Rejection of the Twin Fishes!, Captain Ukitake’s posthumously published children’s book.
She prefers to be called “Nemuri” over “Nemu.”
Nemuri’s second favorite person in Squad 12 after Akon is Rin, because he always has candy. Rin actually likes having someone to share his hobby with and helps her make a World of the Living Snack Bucket List. When other shinigami come in for gigai, Nemuri constantly tries to con them into bringing something back for her.
Rukia teaches her to cuss, but tells her never to do it around Akon. Nemuri never actually cusses around anyone, but really enjoys having Forbidden Knowledge.
Speaking of Forbidden, she is mildly obsessed with Urahara, even though she’s never met him. She’s constantly on the lookout for thumbprints of his work in modern Squad 12 technology.
The one thing she does have in common with Mayuri is an absolutely batshit personal aesthetic. She starts painting her face as a tween and is somewhat inconveniently both into piercings and inflatable outfits.
The true proof that she has surpassed her predecessor, at least in terms of humanity, is that she is able to learn the name of her zanpakutou.
Oh, if you want to read any of my fanfics with Nemuri, here's one where she and Ichika play football and here's one where she tries to con Byakuya into buying her shaved ice. I really like writing Nemuri hanging out with Byakuya because I think an adult man who navigates social settings via rigid system of etiquette and class hierarchy and a small child with a pile of Markov chains for a brain would be natural friends.
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scnteria · 3 years
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( alex wolff, cis male, he/him, muse b ) oh snap! is that THEODORE “TEDDY” WELLS ? they work over at high volume where some of the other employees have labeled them as THE MISCREANT. that’s probably because they can be a bit ( affable ) but also pretty ( misguided ). they’re 22 and they’ve been living in woodstock for FOUR YEARS. it must be their shift because i totally hear RADIOHEAD blasting from the record store. 
( @volumeupdates )
hi everyone !! phew i’m so hype to be here... hello... you can call me wren ! i’m in the est timezone and use she/her pronouns. a lil bit about me: i love making playlists and my silly little lattes every morning, i have two puppies at home that i love more than anything, and i’m currently watching ted lasso and falling in l*ve with jason sudeikis and no i do not think i named teddy after ted lasso but it might’ve been an unconscious thing idk
anyway, i’m going to try not to ramble too much about my boi teddy but you’ve been warned:
sweet boy theodore ! he mostly goes by teddy. i don’t think he minds being called theodore but he DOES hate the nickname ted. sorry to mr. sudeikis
he was born and raised in chicago but his father is from woodstock. he has some distant family here but growing up, it was teddy, his mom, dad, and older brother mccartney ( mick !! )
( alcoholism, hoarding disorder tw ) teddy’s older brother was like a refuge for him in a household that was pretty tough to live in. his mother is an extreme hoarder so teddy felt pretty trapped in his own home. on top of that, his father is a functioning alcoholic who had a tendency to pick fights when really wasted. ( end tw )
teddy shared a room with mick, so that was like their little escape from it all ! but mick left for college because he’s a Smart, Good Boy when teddy was fifteen ! so he took it super hard to be living alone in this environment
( depression tw ) naturally, at that age ( and with evident mental health issues running in the family ), teddy started to show signs of depression. in an attempt to alleviate that, his fam fulfilled a lifelong dream and adopted a lil border collie pup ! ( end tw )
he realized his home wasn’t suitable for him, his mental health, or his dog winnie. he saved up money by working odd jobs throughout high school and on his eighteenth birthday, he and his pup moved to woodstock.
his dog winnie is named after his celebrity crush, winona ryder ! he absolutely carries a polaroid photo of her in his wallet because truly that is his child and god bless you if you even mention dogs around him
he got the job at high volume four years ago so he’s been around for a bit ! jerry was actually really good friends with teddy’s father, so he’s known jerry pretty much his entire life. 
( drug use and alcoholism tw ) teddy has a chronic intestinal disease that basically attacks his immune system and can be preeeetty painful ! it’s manageable ofc and although teddy would say: “kurt cobain had it too so it’s fine,” it still Sucks to deal with. he is on medication for it, though another prescription works wonders for pain too...... and that ‘prescription’ is just Weed. he smokes a lot lol and also likes to drink, both as a source of self-medication and just because ! ( end tw )
( violence and ptsd tw ) oh haha also he saw jerry get shot in an alley but i imagine he is currently going through the many phases of ptsd at this moment. very much trying to keep it together but in reality, he’s a ball of pure anxiety and could crack at any given moment. definitely going through some bouts of denial and doubt ? jerry is not only his boss but he’s a family friend and someone he kind of looked up to, so it’s safe to say he’s not Doing Well ( end tw )
ok now more about his CHARACTER:
teddy is a sweetheart. he’s got golden retriever tendencies, i’d say ! verrrry sociable, loves to be around people.
he’s pretty independent and self-sufficient for someone who makes dumb decisions and doesn’t vibe with being alone  ! he has learned to look out for himself but at the same time, he’s one of those people that make you wonder how he got this far ??
overall, a pretty great friend to have. he’s a man of his word and basically likes to make people around him feel comfortable and happy ! 
kinda charming, an accidental flirt at times. like i don’t think he realizes when he’s flirting ? he’s a little oblivious and definitely does better with people who are direct with him. like if you’re dropping hints that you like him or need him to do something, he won’t pick up on it at all lol the boy is stuck in his own little world that has karma police playing on a constant loop
walking into a shift with him means you’ll either be: entertained, annoyed, distracted, or high lol
( drugs tw ) like he has shown up to work high before and probably has smoked outside during a slow shift i’m SORRY ( end tw )
messy, messy boy makes questionable decisions because he doesn’t quite think them through. he’s SO responsible with his dog, but himself ? a hot mess
perhaps he’s not ... wise when it comes to money... i’ll leave it at that for now :)
perpetually running late and rambles a good amount
weak-willed and self-destructive ! he’s easily swayed to do pretty much anything bc he’s kind of a happy-go-lucky kind of dude. pretty much does Not say no to plans and maybe he pushes his alcohol tolerance from time to time
CONNECTION ideas !!
he moved to woodstock four years ago and i wanna say he lives alone but tbh a roommate would be Cost Effective ( must like dogs tho )
that being said, if your character happened to grow up in chicago let’s do some childhood connections ! maybe an old friend, previous unrequited crush, etc.
pls give me a favorite coworker that just doesn’t get anything done when they’re working together
he absolutely will get on people’s nerves. he gets on MY nerves. so give me enemies of any sort lol
i don’t think he’s much of a relationship guy. i could see one longterm relationship in his past so an ex is a possibility ! 
a previous one-night stand is pretty accurate for him too, but i don’t see him thinking it’s weird or anything. i see him being pretty casual with hook-ups in general, so... do with that as you will
friends ! teddy is a talker and really likes to get to know people, so i can see him having friends of varying levels lol whether you’ve spoken twice but he’s like That’s My Guy ! or you regularly see him walking his dog or you just vibe at work... truly this man will talk to a wall. the possibilities are endless
a BEST friend ! i would very much like someone that teddy spews mostly everything to. he will indeed lay his life on the line for this person lol
party-goers, fellow druggies ! this is a scene teddy OFTEN dabbles in, whether you indulge yourself or provide. >:)
could definitely see him on the receiving end of a mom/dad/parent friend kind of relationship. like that john mulaney quote GET SOME REST, TALL CHILD
okay i seriously need to stop this got so long please end me anyway hit me up here or on discord for all of the plots. i really like to get into the nitty gritty of plots so if that’s your jam, let’s make some toast, baby ! i’m SO excited to get things going !
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spidersbane · 3 years
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Hello! Can I get MCU, The Hobbit, and The Man From U.N.C.L.E. ship? 💚
Appearance: She/her. 179,5cm tall, rectangle body shape. Fair skin complexion with quite a few birthmarks. Dyed brown with honey-red highlights, shoulder-length, straight hair with bangs. The left eye is a mix of two colors – a smaller portion of (darker) greyish-blue and a larger portion of hazel; while the right eye is just a (lighter) greyish-blue. Heptagon face shape with two dimples on the left cheek and one on the right cheek (only visible while smiling). A gap between the upper front teeth.
Personality (good and bad traits): Ever since I was a kid, I was always quite mature for my age – I identify myself as an old soul. I come off as polite and well-mannered to strangers, yet I tend to keep it to myself by being reserved. But, that’s because I have social anxiety and I’m nervous and shy when meeting/talking to people. The only people I’m comfortable with being with my inner circle – closest friends and family. I am usually more “open” with my friends than with my family. With my friends I can be my “truest-self” – I smile more, I laugh more, I feel more accepted and understood. I am the mom and the fashionista of the group. Don’t get me wrong, I am fiercely protective of my family, especially of my mother and younger sister. But, lately, I’ve been feeling like the “black sheep” of the family, Cinderella who’s been taken advantage of. I express my affection for the people I care about in little, but practical, ways. I can be a little stiff when it comes to open, gushy displays of affection. Others turn to me for help and advice. I’m kind-hearted and generous, always ready to help a person in need. Always have been motherly towards children. Very awkward at keeping small talk (usually with people that I’m not that close with). Absolutely, hate speaking in front of a public, and if I do, because of my nervousness, I tend to mess up my words and/or I practice whatever I’m about to say in my head at first. I appreciate the simplicity and am often most comfortable when I’m not getting too much attention from the world. I am sensitive – both to criticism and to others’ feelings (I sponge up the feelings and moods of people and the environment around me). Have a hard time saying no or expressing my true thoughts, feelings. I get influenced by other people’s opinions/thoughts quite hard (I take everything to the heart), that is why I tend to keep a lot to myself (may come off as a little bit tense, secretive, mysterious). I avoid the harsh reality by daydreaming (almost every day) – imagining myself in situations far from my current circumstances. Sort of like a self-escape. I worry a lot and overthink almost everything. I am easily distracted and my attention span can be quite short. I have an internal struggle between my needs and wants. I can lack focus and be indecisive as a result – when I decide on one route, I am pulled in another direction at the same time (“But what if…”, “on the other hand...”). That is why I’m having a bit of a struggle with deciding what I want to do in the future (career-wise). I am easily overwhelmed by pressure and stress. There is a self-destructive side to me (self-critical, lack of self-confidence) that I’m working on by confronting my fears (coming out of my shell). Don’t like taking pictures, or other people taking pictures of me. I feel most content when I’ve straightened out all the details of everyday life. I have a routine, that I follow by mostly every day, and if something small changes in that routine, I start to have a small internal anxiety attack. Also, I like to do things my own way, like, when it comes to cleaning the house or organizing stuff, etc. I get triggered even if people don’t do the laundry the way I do. I guess you could describe me as a perfectionist, clean/control freak. In triggering situations I can be impulsive, spontaneous, quick to act. Quick flare-ups of anger/annoyance when being provoked on my patience. Even when I’m feeling low, I manage to find humor in life and have fun with whatever I do have. Although I tend to bottle things up, I am an emotional person and my emotions are genuine – I love and care deeply and passionately and wish no ill will upon anyone, yet it hards for me to imagine someone falling in love with me or just liking me.
Hobbies, likes: My hobbies are cleaning, writing (re-writing song lyrics, making small notes, writing stories), listening to any type of music, catching up on my favorite films and TV shows, hanging out with friends, going to the cinema, or the club, being out in nature, reading, traveling. I like history, cooking, fashion magazines (or fashion in general), road trips, spirituality, mythology, books, orange juice, previous decades, cottage-core, dark academia.
Overall: Hufflepuff. INFP-T. Bi-sexual. Pisces-Aries cusp sign. “Looks like could kill you, but is actually a cinnamon roll.” A feminist, support LGBTQ+ community. That’s it, thank you!
hey @pataim ! thanks so much for sending in your request, and thank you so much for your honesty about yourself. like it takes a lot to air yourself out like that, and I admire your strength for it. but also fINALLY a 'Man from U.N.C.L.E' ship! I love that movie and attempt Illya's accent all the time, so this will be fun :)
For the MCU/Marvel - I ship you with Steve Rogers/Captain America ! 
no one can tell me that Steve doesn’t have a set routine honestly, so let me just get that out there 
he seems intimidating at first, esp as a public figure and Avenger, but Steve is nothing but passionate about what he does. so it may clash w your lack of direction, but I could honestly see him envying that a lil bit, like it’s not that you don’t have direction, it’s the fact that you still have a choice in the matter. 
your love of history put you in a museum, here you bumped into Steve in a horrible disguise. he struck up the conversation first, and once you got past the whole “holy crap that’s Captain America”, you could actually engage with him in the material and boi was he smitten 
he would love to join you when your rewatched your fave things, bc not only is he catching up on more media he missed out on, he’s also getting to know your interests in a way that’s comfortable with you. it avoids all the small talk, but leaves room for discussion after the film/show ! 
since you tend to sponge up a lot of what other people believe, it’s totally Steve who actually tries to question what you think and what you feel about things. he’s someone who encourages you to have your own opinions and to stay true to those thoughts. so while with him, you can rely on him to learn about yourself, you also gain skills for independence
overall, Steve is super patient, and despite his chaotic job as Cap, he takes comfort in his routine, and would find comfort incorporating a partner’s routine into his life. and as you grow in a relationship with him, he’s patient about teaching you how to be your own person, and helping you learn more about yourself. and while it’s uncomfortable, you grow stronger throughout being with him :) 
For The Hobbit - I ship you with Bilbo Baggins !
Bilbo is the definition of introvert, and you're right there with him
not that introversion is ever a bad thing, bc it isn't. but Bilbo is quite content to sit in his little hobbit hole and vibe. like Gandalf had to come find him, ya know. dude disappeared from his own bday.
but anyways. it's not that Bilbo lacks purpose, it's just that he's more content with a quieter life. and it seems like his quiet life would balance you out well! like the Shire is so so chill, and there doesn't really seem to be a lot of pressure on the hobbits to pick a profession. like they just genuinely do what needs to get done.
similarly, Bilbo is the type who seems a little bothered by mushy displays of affection. exhibit a: disappearing from his own bday. like he's much more the type to refill your tea when y'all are reading by the fireplace, which he would totally do w you
it will probs take you a little while to warm up to each, given just how introverted you both are. but when he explains that he has set ways of doing things, then if they're compatible w your ways of doing things, then it doesn't take you long to open up to him
like it'll be a little jarring, but he takes comfort in his routines too. and it'll be an event trying to incorporate both of your ways of life together, but he's willing to do it
overall, yours is a very quaint partnership, built on deep respect for one another. neither of you are going to push the other to do things you aren't into. and y'all just live your best lives together tbh :)
For The Man From U.N.C.L.E - I ship you with Illya Kuryakin !
I love my big Russian spy so much, so this is fun for me
so Illya is the epitome of reserved and generally quiet, so it might take a while to really break down his walls and talk to him. and he's not quite sure what to do with you once you join the team
but, he's playing his game of chess alone, and when you sit down and ask to play with him, he opens up a little more after that
if you're one who get sent out on mission with the team, get ready, bc sometimes those missions require a lot of improvising. but you'd probably be at whatever 'base' was, helping run operations from a more secure place. but Illya and Napoleon improvise a lot, leading to a lot of headaches for you and Waverly
Illya has small bursts of anger, but similar to Gaby, most times, you can intervene and he doesn't get violent. or when he does, he tries to make sure it isn't in front of you. but bc you care so deeply for him, you're there for him in the aftermath. and that's how you show your love for him.
by patching him up if he gets cut, by talking him down when he's angry. and just generally trying to take care of him. and he totally does the same for you, especially if you get sent out into the field
and much to Illya's dismay, Solo doesn't refrain form making jokes about you. but if you can take them in stride, then Solo welcomes you into the team just as well :)
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BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Final Space, Season 3
Everybody that know me know that I’m high class #Quillective trash and my main thoughts and feelings go out to Quinn Ergon and Gary Goodspeed - precious Gemini gems, and of course the BABIES: Little Cato, Ash and Fox #NeshaLuhDaKids I had some attachment to Avocato once upon a time, but that n***a got on my LAST nerves this season, so we currently at “Do you, Boo” status by the end of S3, and eventually, yes, I’ma get to why that is. 
Disclaimer for somebody who stumbled across this post because of the fandom tags - I am an independent partaker of this content, not “part of the fandom,” and my audience in particular is NOT for everybody. SO: If you may have been criticized in the past for casual racism, tone deafness to Black women’s concerns or accused of misogynoir or antiblackness, leave now. 
If you don’t like cussing, AAVE, general ratchetness and mean lesbian energy, you too might wanna go. A bitch can be eloquent, but I type like I talk, at times, so it is what it is and I don’t curate for kids, dudes, or nonblacks. That’s just what that is.
I wanna start with Ash Graven. This season is about Ash more than anybody else, despite the fact that there was a lot of emphasis on Avocato’s toxic ass man pain and growth in Quinn and Gary’s relationship, ULTIMATELY, nobody in the crew did more coming into fruition as Ash did, and I have a lot to say about her, because I have a lot of feelings.
♡ Ash Graven
1. Ash is a kid. Lol. Everybody got very confused because of the unnecessary transformation that Invictus gave her. Ash did not “grow up,” her body was altered. That’s a fuckin kid in a woman’s body. A kid who has previously been living with survivor’s guilt, parental abuse/neglect/exploitation, chronic trauma, and a disastrous superpower that most people could not be trusted to carry. She’s a child having a coming of age moment in this season that is mostly molded in manipulation. If you hate on Ash, go fuck yourself. ESPECIALLY if I’ve caught you stanning other characters who have been shit characters, in this fandom or not. Ash was dealt a shit hand and nobody had her back but her brothers, and she’s done what she could and thought was best to care for them. Anybody that missed that - just don’t have kids, K.
2. Ash has no parental guidance. As far as she knows, the only adults who have ever had her back are dead and the ones that she’s stuck with now, she GAVE a chance to try to trust them. She gave Quinn a chance to try to see some of Nightfall (the only adult that we’ve seen not exploit her) in her. She gave Gary a chance by choosing him over Clarence, when she had to make a choice. She even gave Clarence’s ass another chance - with which he responded by dying to not fail her. Now, she has Gary, who just a few days or weeks ago, idek, forced her to try to summon her powers while she was both injured and also upset over having to leave her brother behind - TO SAVE HIS GIRLFRIEND! And she got snatched away in the process and left behind with the enemy, to be mentally assaulted and returned changed, only to have them not trust her.
I love Quinn too. I love her dearly. But the facts were that she was dying and having an episode that nobody could really help with, and Gary didn’t take the time or consideration to think about the stress that he was putting on Ash by putting her in the position to make her feel like she needed to save Quinn for him. Whether or not she was the only one who could, that is a lot to put on a child, and not only did he do it, but he didn’t even seem to think that hard about it whenever he then left her ass. Sure, he was glad when she was returned, but that was a fucked up situation that yet another adult put her into, and the first thing that he should have wanted to do when seeing her was to apologize and try to make it right. It was a huge miscalculation to treat her as a potential enemy that he and Avocato needed to vet. EVEN IF that’s what she was to them, both of them should have had the sense to assess while still treating her as the kid that they supposedly knew.
3. Most of her trauma has been recent and continuous. She looked up to Nightfall, watched her die, and had a meltdown. The events from Season 2 (with Clarence almost killing Fox and leaving him to die, her leaving his side to help out, seeing that Sheryl was treacherous to her own son, losing Nightfall), and the events that are taking place in Season 3 are only in the span of a few months.
They were only stranded for a month whenever we see them surviving together. That girl has had more happen to her to hurt her than to help her and nobody around her BUT Little Cato has been sensitive to that. And they are all fucking adults.
These things being noted - changing Ash’s design was the absolute worse fucking thing. Aging a girl up to make the bad things that follow more palatable is what that seems to be. Ash is still a kid. And THEN, they allegedly made her a queer kid. I say allegedly, because that “reveal” was so poorly done and subtle and weak that I, an almost 40 year old queer, didn’t realize that that’s what they meant whenever they said that they were gonna reveal somebody as a character who is part of the LGBT community.
So... FS production just gon’ decide not only to transform her body into that of a woman, when her mind is still full on traumatized child and hormonal teenager, but also, she likes girls, and they didn’t even do it in a cohesive way that added to the story. They threw it in, like, “BTW, she likes girls, and also, she’s full grown now.” then immediately went for the “Villain” lever, and bitches just ate that shit up. Fuck y’all, forreal. 
& Fox
He didn’t deserve that shit. And, I know a lot of people felt that he was pointless and boring, but his ass was sweet and caring and searching for love and acceptance. As a background character, I liked him. But, he was literally just fodder for Ash’s downfall, which was unfair and problematic, considering that his ass is definitely Black coded. Don’t play. He was voiced by a Black man, spoke with a blaccent, and definitely would be read as Black if you wasn’t looking at him and seeing an alien. They gave him a sacrificial negro trope, the big friendly negro that can kill you but loves everybody trope, and they used his death to just push some narrative forward to set up the one verified queer character as a villain. They got they ass in a vehicle and rolled right over another Black character, and another queer character. Chile...
 ♡ Little Cato!!!
My precious have not been getting some good for too long, and I have had it. He’s not focused on so much this season as he is in the background of other people’s stories, but a very important takeaway is and will always be that Little Cato, aside from Fox, really was the only one here who consistently treated her like she mattered, so it made a lot of sense that he could be the catalyst for her finally having ENOUGH with these people.
I really wish that he could have found out the truth about his past from Avocato, because that’s really who OWED him that truth, but Ash did the thing that I’d expect and told him, to be honest with him. She even told him that Avocato wanted to tell him and that she took that right away from him, because she didn’t believe he deserved it, and I’m respecting her for that, too. I wish she could see how much it hurt Little Cato for her to try to take him away from his home. 
Little Cato has lived before, for a while, and he’s not mature enough to behave as a man, but he at least has a loving foundation to draw from, and having had that support, this is more of his home than it is Ash’s. He doesn’t know how to explain that to her, and she doesn’t know how to understand that for him. Just a tragic situation for two kids with a lot of problems.
♡ Quinn Ergon & Gary Goodspeed
Quinnary notes that might not be featured in the BFCD Reviews by Nesha:  (Quinn Ergon/Nightfall x Gary Goodspeed) rundown - 
I've had two favorite parts of this season so far and they're very mediocre things that you wouldn't think would be like my favorite part but they are. One of them was that the first thing Gary does when she wakes up is to ask her about her sister (someone obviously very important to her who he's previously promised to allow to let live through Quinn's memory and says he wants to hear about her when he's trying to keep Quinn from dying). Because... He really did care and wasn't just saying something to keep her.
Quinn's mother fucked her up in a way that is so frustrating because Black mamas really will traumatize you about their younger kids. That shit hurt. You showed your daughter dead bodies to make her think about that in the event that your other daughter might be in battle? Bitch wtf
Whenever we say that Black girls are programmed to put everybody ahead of us, that's unfortunately not just including Society, it's in households too. And Quinn comes from this place where that is her reality... Then she meets Gary and he doesn't even register for her as anything special. He doesn't appear impressive or incredible in any way... But he (admittedly) weirdly locks on to her and shares himself - thinking that he's showing himself to her, and ultimately he DOES. And he wants to see her too, beyond all this, who she is, at her most humane. He wants to know about her sister. About someone who mattered to her enough to have the helm of her trauma when she was out of touch with reality. Very soft. Very sweet.
The other was when they were talking about how they met and stuff and Gary absolutely cringed thinking about how corny he was when he approached this woman. A lot of dudes never do that. The complaint of earlier seasons that Gary was overbearing, obsessive and creepy , if you missed the fact that he has terrible abandonment issues from his father’s death and his mother’s rejection, here we have him, in his adult state, looking back at the way he was and being embarrassed about it, and that’s growth!
A close third is whenever at the beginning of the Season he says "Quinn it's been a month eventually you have to open up to me about what you've been through" and she says "I will in time" and he respects it but he reiterates that he's there whenever she needs him. I don't think that people realize how revolutionary that kind of statement is especially for a character like Quinn to hear - who has always felt like she had to take charge, had to take the lead, had to make the sacrifice.
Even when she realized that she was dying, she didn't want to burden him with the information. Not even like ‘a thing that she knew if that could help prevent it and she didn't want him to have to go after it,’ but... she didn't even want him to have to deal with knowing about it!
Maybe she thought that she would just drop, maybe she didn't realize that he was going to have to see her in that condition. And then once she realized that he was going to have to see her in that condition one of the first things she says is "I should have told you." Girl is on her deathbed wishing she had done it differently, for Gary's benefit.
I saw somebody on Twitter tried to come for her about not going to Gary after he killed Fox (you know, shortly after her surgery to save her from the very brink of death, and listen... Quinn comes to see about Gary when she can. She’s done it several times. In fact, I’ma make a whole POST about Quinn and Gary moments SPECIFICALLY to point out to haters in the main tag - where they got Quinn Ergon, and by extension, me, FUCKED UP.
Stop Playing in Quinn Face
HI! HELLO. ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS SEASON IS THAT QUINN AND GARY JUST FUCKED. THANK YOU VERY MUCH. THANKS. OK. Back 2 bidness
See.. after Gary and Quinn got over the humps of Quinn’s Final Space poisoning... everyone got it... nobody told her until Avocato was mad and told her during a lash out, and let me say something about Avocato’s fucking audacity this season... 
♡ Avocato (Note: His name is A-V-O-C-A-T-O. Some of y’all be tryna stan and y’all can’t even spell his name.)
I done seent Avacata, Avocata... That’s not that dude name. Be writing whole ass expositions about some other Ventrexian n*gga. Hope this helps:
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AVOCATO. Listen, boy. YOU decided to be a traitor to your people and your king and queen. YOU decided to dedicate your cause to the Lord Commander and lied to your son his entire life about killing his parents, raising him, and never talking to him about it.
Yet and STILL - whenever you had the chance to finally tell him, you ain’t do the shit. Lord Commander gave you the perfect ass opportunity - WHEN IT CAME UP, and even then, with that boy looking you dead in the face and being glad that now he knows everything... you ain’t Ventrexian man up.
Then, whenever you were supposed to be checking on Gary after his traumatic murder fight with Fox and Invictus, you turned it around and literally made it about you. attacking him in the process and only after a physical fight did you apologize. (And y’all still didn’t get back to what had happened to Gary, which was no real fault of his own). 
Fast forward to after you willingly agreed to stay behind and fight and y’all lost. Now, it was Quinn’s turn to be the center of your blame and you lashed out at her because everybody is dying, despite the fact that y’all agreed to stay behind and fight, nobody even told her that y’all were sick, AND you still wasn’t 100 with Little Cato. 
You just had a lot of mothafuckin audacity this season, Avocato, and I personally was not here for the shit. Even when Ash blasted yo ass, your main thought was to threaten to kill her if she took Little Cato, instead of assuring her that despite what you’ve done, Little Cato was safe with you. No, she wouldn’t have listened to you. But, the words you chose tell us about who you are and how you are. You a war mongering killer that don’t ever take responsibility for his shit, and even in those brief moments that you do, its always somebody else’s problem. 
I’da thunk that LC getting snatched away would be humbling for you, but I guess you were chosen by the writers for minimal growth. Bye, Avocato. Witcha bitch ass. We is not cool right now, but you do you. Hope you find some growth up there in ya ass, where ya head been. 😁 Can’t believe I mourned yo ass. You coulda stayed dead as hell.
FINALE NOTES:
OK BITCH OK THIS FINALE WAS HYPE!
Let me pull it up so that I can liveblog it for the shit that I need to conclude this journey. 
We start out after Ash done took Little Cato and burnt off. Gary and AVOCATO done said they finna go get they son. Chile, I cannot handle Biskit voice. I like that lil’ dude but ya voice, Mane. I can’t with it. 
OK OK OK... Whenever Quinn comes up to Gary to talk to him and say potential goodbyes, she look like she wanna say some and that makes me think about whenever she looked like she wanted to say something in season 1 and didn’t. Quinn as grown a lot in her feelings for Gary, but she still has that hard time with talking about her feelings, but I love that you can see them in her face.
Chile... these folk was kinda taking they time gettin started, huh? Knuckas, do y’all remember that everybody finna die of FS poisoning? Lol. Also... why didn’t they start hallucinating and shit? I guess its not until it covers ya face? 
NIGHTFALL. 😥 I love you, Sis. I miss you. But, “Because I’m you and WE think of everything...” YES. I HAVE BEEN SAYING THAT! EVERYBODY EXPECTS QUINN TO THINK OF EVERYTHING AND WHENEVER THEY DON’T THINK OF THE THINGS, SHE GETS BLAMED FOR MAKING THE TOUGH DECISIONS THAT NOBODY ELSE COULD EVEN MAKE. Underappreciated, really. And people still mark Nightfall as a villain, despite the fact that she not only sacrificed herself, but also came specifically to help another Gary. Sidenote - Nightfall didn’t actually pursuit Quinn’s Gary until Quinn was trapped in Final Space and she thought she got a signal from him. So, I’m still salty AF that she been labelled as a villain just because people don’t like her, when her actions have all been to try to help. Here is no difference. She thought of the things that she didn’t think a younger version of her would think of, and left it for Quinn to find. Nightfall be on RNS, and most of y’all didn’t deserve her.
Quinn’s identity crisis is so sad, but I liked that Nightfall EVEN thought about that. And Sheryl... you kinda starting to grow on me. I hate to give shitty mothers who find compassion in old chance a try, but she do seem to really be giving it a go. 
Ash is so fucked up that she rushes right into the devil’s arms. This reminds me of when trafficking victims go back to their abusers because they don’t have the resources to adjust in the system. 😪 She REALLY believes what she’s saying. She really feels like Little Cato is safer with Invictus with the Team Squad. That’s sad as fuck, bruh. 
THE. ACTING. AND. ARTWORK. IN. THIS. CONFRONTATION. SCENE.
Avocato... I’m proud of you for FINALLY taking responsibility ad opening up about it. Little Cato’s reaction is precisely how kids in the system are, as well. They wanna be at home with their parents, no matter who their parents are or what they’ve done. and Avocato meant what he said and did what I referred to earlier as “Ventraxian man up.”
“I’m sorry we failed you,” from Gary was so important. Because, they technically did fail her. Had Ash seen the same amount of love from Gary as she’s seen him give to others, she might have been more receptive to the truth and less susceptible to lies. But, as she had just said earlier, it was too late for kind words. She’s currently beyond accepting them from him. For a brief moment, it breaks through, but without that ability to know love from an adult properly, she can’t accept that apology right now.
H.U.E. with his big robot, Lord Commander...EYE. There’s so much happening right now bitch processing has left the room girl. Biskit did so damn much this episode. And it was good to see everybody on the team have a moment to help things, instead of like one person having to handle the bulk of things. 
Quinn’s begging voice... its such a contrast from whenever she sent out the SOS in season 1 and was afraid and angry. Like... the desperation here shows her softness. 
Ash’s RAGE Bitch...
Gary’s “I love you...” She looked so happy! And then she just sat with it. I feel like she definitely loves him too, but she doesn’t communicate that way. But, her FACE. She was just... did she think that he didn’t before, or was she just speechless because she didn’t expect to hear it? Because, we gotta be real... Sis probably has not ever heard those words from anybody before. And that first time, when it’s really there is a DOOZIE. She had an abusive mother, a seemingly jealous or competitive sister, and we saw how nobody in the Infinity Guard respected her ass when she was serving them the real. I think this is the first time she’s been in love or felt it and when Gary said it, she had to collect herself. The way she ran to him and jumped into his arms??? SHIPPING CRACK. And Mooncake was a part of their hug too. I have a lot of feelings about this dynamic since Quinn and Mooncake are the only characters that we’ve seen Gary have these “love at first sight” reactions to and Mooncake is the first character that I recall Quinn being nice to in S1. 
So.. my heart was very full when they ripped it from my chest moments later. Mooncake has been watching Team Squad members be self sacrificing for a little while now, and he loves his family and Gary so much that he rushes straight towards danger. (Sure, I don’t think that he estimated how powerful Ash could be at this moment), but he had to at least consider that he might be caught or left behind.
Bitch, Ash is GONE. She said, “Fuck all y’all!” Not knowing whether or not Mooncake is destroyed makes it very hard for me to know how much I can stand this, but I also want to hope that he is gonna survive. Quinn having to make the decision to lightfold is hella sad, but even though Gary is destroyed, he has to know that this is exactly how Ash must’ve felt whenever he had to make the call to leave Fox behind. She hated to do that to Gary. She even seemed more regretful about it than Gary did whenever he had to leave Fox and when he left Ash. Sure, its because she loves him more than he loved Fox and Ash, but its a terrible position to be in to have to hurt somebody you love like that. On the other hand, they gave her hella shit for them not escaping when could have the first time, so naturally, she was going to make this decision. 
It very much sucks that Invictus is free and my brain can’t eeem FATHOM what that means for everything and everybody, but the Final Space poisoning left the Team Squad’s system, so maybe there is a rejuvenation of some sort in Invictus’ power? Or does Final Space poisoning leave your system as soon as you leave Final Space? I don’t think that was clarified. 
Anyways, I still don’t hate Ash. Y’all can say whatever about it, but I see sad white boys get forgiven all day every day on this site, and I’m upset, but I’m not letting my baby go. I’m not cheering her on, but unless she dies, I’m gonna hope for the best for her, like I said here. 
DAMN this season was some shit. Ionknow if I’m emotionally capable of watching another season of Final Space in progress. If they make it back for another season, I will most likely just wait until the end to dive in and let them shock my senses all at once instead of on a weekly goddamn basis, because GODDAMN GODDAMN GODDDAMN!
@andromidagalaxie @daintyurbanprincess @shslargue @space-finally​  The Quinnary Moments Masterlist probably won’t be ready by Quinn’s birthday, since her birthday is the day before Juneteenth, but I’ve started on a little fic that I might have the first installment of posted by then. We shall see. 
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Here is my JOURNEY during my first watch of the first two seasons of the show. (I watched Season 3 in progress and waited until it was over to write up this review) and my probably incoherent tag of whenever I do me a lil’ liveblogging: Nesha Watches Final Space, and here is my review on Quinnary: BFCD Reviews by Nesha: (Quinn Ergon/Nightfall x Gary Goodspeed) FINAL SPACE
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itsclydebitches · 3 years
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(WLW anon) I really don’t like the “bad rep is better then none at all”. I hate that. We should want good rep, because bad rep has been used time and time again by homophobes as to say we shouldn’t get representation. To me it’s not “gay can have the same flaws as het”, it’s “fix the flaws in the het”. Also I know Renora being independent was a good, I was just saying in comparison BB. Also, yes, they were separated, but also didn’t stop thinking about each other. Especially bad with Yang.
Indulge me for a moment because I want to take a trip down memory lane and list some—just some—of the queer rep that has been important to me over the years:
Ellen comes out both as herself and as her character… years later, she’s a hated millionaire who is criticized for how she treats her staff
The wildly influential Buffy gives us two women entering a loving relationship… except then Tara is killed off, Willow goes evil for a time, and Buffy comes under fire for Joss Whedon’s everything
The beloved and respectable headmaster of one of the most popular book series ever published is revealed to be gay… except it doesn’t count because it wasn’t in the text and now all of Harry Potter is cancelled because JKR is transphobic
Kurt is an unambiguously gay teen in a hugely popular TV series, acting as one of the first overt representations a generation has seen… except he’s way too stereotypical and Glee is a joke now
Orange is the New Black gives us a number of queer women, including one of our first trans characters… but isn’t it problematic that they’re all criminals?
Brooklyn Nine-Nine hosts an out gay captain and gives us a bisexual coming out story that resonated with many, myself included… except now we’re supposed to hate all the characters on principle because they’re cops
Korra and Asami walk off into the spiritual sunset together… but they never kiss or anything, so that doesn’t count either
Steven Universe gives us a queer relationship and a wedding… but it’s an issue that this is just a kid’s show and, really, does it count when the rep is embodied by space rocks whose entire species only creates a single gender? Feels like a cop-out
Same with Good Omens. Yeah, Crowley and Aziraphale clearly love each other… but you never see them kiss or declare their intentions. It’s great ace rep though! Unless you want to level the criticism that asexual characters are always nonhuman
A character intended to be a minor guest becomes a show staple and eventually declares his love for one of the two main characters… except then Castiel immediately dies, Dean doesn’t respond, and they never meet on screen again
I finished Queen’s Gambit the other day and the main character had a one-night stand with a woman! … but everyone is talking about how bisexuality is used to represent her lowest point, so that’s bad too
I could go on for literal pages. Some of these arguments I agree with (Dumbledore), others I’ve pushed back against quite strongly (Crowley and Aziraphale), but all of them are valid criticisms depending on what part of the queer community you’re in and what your expectations are. My point here is that it’s all “bad rep.” I mean that seriously. If anyone reading this is scrambling for the comment section to say why [insert media title here] is actually fantastic rep, I guarantee that someone disagrees. Or if they don’t, give it some time. Just wait until the characterization becomes offensively outdated, or another part of the story ruins the relationship, or it comes out that the author did something truly horrific, or the terminology changes and it’s labeled as “problematic” now… just wait. At some point, any rep we feel is good rep now will be criticized, cancelled, and dragged through the mud. The rep that I personally haven’t seen much push-back against—like the beloved Captain Jack Harkness in Doctor Who, or Schitts Creek that just won a ton of awards—is wrapped up in the criticism, “So it’s all just about able-bodied, cis, (mostly) white dudes, huh? :/”  Even the argument that queer characters need to be written by queer authors doesn’t hold up. I absolutely adored Sense8. “Wow, a gay main character in a loving relationship with another gay man, both of whom enter a loving poly relationship with a woman, another lesbian trans main character who marries the love of her life on screen, an entire cast arguably queer due to them sharing orgy scenes centered around the emotional intimacy they share, everyone survives, and this was written by two trans women! Great, right?” Well, not according to the wealth of opinions explaining how Sense8 is horrible rep, actually. Every piece of rep we’ve got is either currently flawed or will become flawed in the future.
So what do we do with that?
That’s where my “I’d rather have bad rep than no rep at all” comes in. For me, that’s not waving the white flag. That’s not an oath that I won’t expect better rep in the future (I do) or that I won’t criticize the rep we get (BOY DO I), but rather just an acknowledgement of reality. The vast majority—if not the entirety—of rep is “bad rep” in one way or another, but I’d still rather have it than nothing at all. Because I’ve lived just long enough and studied media just enough to know what nothing looked like. It was watching all queer characters meet untimely deaths. Before that it was watching queer characters be derided and treated as jokes. Before that it was nothing but coding, where queer characters didn’t exist except in our own headcanons and interpretations. Obviously “bad rep” covers a very large range of issues and “They haven’t even confirmed this relationship yet” is a bigger issue than “This queer character embodies one or two, mild stereotypes,” but ultimately I’d take any of it over nothing at all. And enjoying what we’ve currently got doesn’t mean I’m willing to settle for it indefinitely.
To use an iffy analogy, imagine there’s a factory. This factory makes plates. So. Many. Plates. Big plates, small plates, plain plates, decorative plates, plates for every possible occasion in your life—and everyone with a steak for dinner is pleased as punch. You though? You’ve got soup. You need a bowl. Your entire life you’ve been struggling to eat your soup off a plate (it doesn’t work) and listening to friends and family claim that the plate with a slightly raised edge could be a bowl if you squint (it’s not). To say it’s frustrating is an understatement.
But then, one day, the factory starts producing bowls too. Hurray! Except as soon as you get your hands on one, you’re told you really shouldn’t be using it, let alone praising it. Look at the state of that bowl! It’s cracked right down the middle, ugly as hell, shoddily made all around… you’re not really going to settle for that, are you? And no, you obviously still want the factory to produce better bowls, but at the same time, this is a bowl. You’ve never gotten one before and you can finally enjoy your meal, even if the soup leaks at times. Sometimes a lot. But you’re still feeling better about your meal than you ever have before. And what you then begin to realize is that lots of the plates are a mess too. They also have cracks, they’re also ugly, many are also shoddily made. The difference is that the factory is producing so many plates at such a rapid pace that every steak eater is able to get by. One plate breaks completely? You’ve got a thousand fallbacks. Don’t like the look of this one? A thousand other options. You disagree about what “shoddily made” means? Luckily there are enough plates that everyone can find what they prefer! But the bowls… there’s only a few. Some are really expensive. Others are only available for a limited time before they suddenly disappear. Your bowl breaks and you have to wait months, years sometimes, to get another one. You’re constantly told to go buy this one obscure bowl no one else has heard about and yeah, you like it... but you’d also like to buy one of the bowls everyone is already enjoying. You find yourself looking at the plates and thinking, “I’d like that. I’d like to have so many options that the flaws, while still a problem, are much more bearable.” You’re still going to demand that the factory get its shit together, you’re still going to (rightly) complain about the awful quality of your bowl… but it’s still nice to have a bowl, period. There are still things you like about it, even if it’s a mess: the color, the size, the beauty of the shape of it. Its potential. You’re still pleased you have something to enjoy and that helps serve the need you’re looking to fill, even if that something is imperfect.
That’s “bad rep is better than no rep.” To bring this very long response back to Blake/Yang, I don’t think their problems negate their benefits. Is their relationship currently non-canonical and filled with a number of writing issues everyone has a right to be angry about? Yup. I express that anger a great deal. Are they still half of a team on a very popular show that is (presumably) set to be canonized as queer? Yup. I’d much rather live in a world where big shows like RWBY try to include queer rep and fail in a multitude of ways—with the expectation and hope that they’ll continue to improve—rather than in a world where authors a) don’t care or b) are too scared to try. Because that’s where a “good rep or no rep” stance leads. The danger isn’t homophobes because they’re, well, homophobes. It doesn’t matter if the rep is good or not, they hate it on principle. But if queer authors writing for other queer identities, or allies writing queer identities, or even queer authors writing their own experiences (like in Sense8) continually come under non-stop fire for their attempts… there’s a good chance that many people won’t ever try. We’re already seeing that here on tumblr with young authors admitting that they wouldn’t touch [insert topic here] with a ten-foot pole because just look at what happens when you get it wrong. And authors will get things wrong because authors are fallible people forever unlearning their own ignorance. So though it might sound strange coming from a blog that has turned into such a RWBY critical space, I am glad that RWBY’s queer rep exists, despite all the frustrations that I share about it. I think a RWBY with various types of “bad” queer rep is better than a RWBY with no queer rep at all, particularly when “bad” or “good” is so intensely subjective. There’s a middle ground between passively accepting whatever we’re given, and tearing into rep with such ferocity that we end up rejecting it all. There’s a space where we can be critical of rep and embrace the parts that work for us, simultaneously.
I hope and expect the het rep will get better too, but… that’s never going to happen instantly. To quote RWBY, there’s no magic wand we can wave to fix all our problems. Rather, it will take slow, plodding, meandering, lifetimes’ worth of work to see that change occur and I personally don’t want to spend the one life I have waiting for that perfect rep to show up. Because it’s unlikely that it will. While we work, I’d rather find the good in what rep we’ve already got.  
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ackb · 3 years
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I feel about this book the way I feel about looking at myself in the mirror. It’s like, 15% “Ah, look at that poor human just trying to get through a life.” and 85% “Blech.” Like, there’s some compassion there, sure. I have no doubt that Haig has been through some shit, and congrats to him for making it through and writing a book a lot of people love. But also...”Blech”
There’s a line in one of my favorite picture books, The Hello Goodbye Window, by Norton Juster (yes, THAT Norton Juster) and Chris Raschka: “You can be happy and sad at the same time, you know. It just happens that way sometimes.”  We say this a lot in my family because it’s relevant a lot. And it was handy to have in my mind as I finished this book because there was a moment* during which I got truly sucked into it, nodding through tears, but I also kind of hate this book.
I should have known this type of both/and ride lay ahead when Nora mentioned that her favorite philosopher is Henry David Thoreau. Like, on on the one hand, my personal take on Thoreau is very:
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On the other hand, my beloved English teacher, my very own Mrs. Elm was an absolute FANGIRL for Thoreau. She named her son after him. She quoted him all the time. She adored Thoreau and I adored her. So. Both/and.
But now, it’s hard for me to read Thoreau (or have his words foisted on me) without reeling at the deceptive fakery of it. Thoreau offered a cultivated identity of independence and self-reliance while hiding all the work that made his success happen. His words may be inspiring, but they’re hollow. And I wanted more than hollow words for Nora. 
As the story wears on, Haig communicates he wants Nora to make decisions that support her own self, that her regrets were largely tied up in the ways she adapted to others’ dreams instead of fulfilling her own. But then every time she left a life it was because of how her choices hurt others. What are we supposed to learn from that? We get story after repetitive story about how her success somehow sucked the life from a different family member. But maybe it’s not Nora’s fault that everyone in her life is such a fucked up wanker?
I mean, maybe the answer to how to get by when you’re surrounded by alcoholics is just don’t be successful, but I’m guessing there’s more to it than that?
Here’s the thing: Haig has written a book that looks like it’s an affirmation of life, but it’s actually filled with all the self-hatred he’s still carrying around. Like, I really hope that dude has a good therapist because this book is not the book someone writes when they’re healed. This is the book someone writes when they’re on the dopamine high of having survived. But the crash will come. Because, to paraphrase Haig: dopamine is like a mosquito bite, you think it’s going to itch forever, but actually, eventually, it goes away.
And yet, here we have yet another book—yes, there are plenty—where our reluctant hero learns a life’s worth of lessons in an evening, makes a good choice, cleans the smudges off their glasses and the world is bright and new. The end. 
The sad reality is that Nora doesn’t get help. That is a failure far more significant than anything else she did or didn’t do. And it breaks my heart that this book is out there, selling a shot of dopamine instead of the kind of real work that keeps people alive.
*So, if you’ve read it, you probably know the moment, but I’ll share below a cut for those who don’t want spoilers
And, of course, it’s absurd to say “spoilers” as if you didn’t know exactly what was going to happen the whole way through. But, still. 
So, like, you know, EVERYONE, I’m a suicide survivor. And the experience of attempting suicide and then surviving it—intentionally—is a particular kind of something, right? Each of us have our own stories that are some part unique and some part universal. When the library is burning down around her and Nora is trying to find the right words, I know I’m not the only one who fell hard into that moment, urging her to write “I AM ALIVE” before she said the words. 
Because for all I don’t remember, I absolutely, viscerally remember that moment of decision, like a lightning strike. And the beautifully horrible feeling of dragging my self-drugged body out of bed, throwing up, and saving myself through Herculean effort, that’s something that I will always have done. And I’ll always feel terrible shame about it, and I’ll also always feel vast pride about it. Life is complicated. Death is complicated. The give and take between them is complicated. 
There’s something heavy and cathartic and glorious about encountering this echo of your own life. It’s an indulgence that feels good. But it’s also a temptation that feels dangerous. And maybe, more than anything else, the thing I think about this book is that it’s a little dangerous. Not in a good way. 
So I’m going to put it away. If any of the above is familiar to you, I hope you can put it away too. There’s a better life out there for all of us. All it takes is a lifetime of hard work, a lot of luck, and the Herculean effort of staying around to experience it.
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fostersffff · 3 years
Text
Finished Season 4 of Castlevania: the Netflix, and thus the whole series! And I’ve got a lot to say!
Here’s the biggest observation for this season: I get the impression that they didn’t originally plan for this to be the final season. It feels like, at the start of Season 3 they believed they were going to have two more seasons, and then maybe by the time they started wrapping that up they were told they’ve been cut down to just one more, so they had to speed of the pace of Season 4 dramatically to make sure they could still hit the ending. I have no actual evidence to support this- I haven’t read any interviews or official comments to that effect- just a gut feeling based on aspects of the plot:
Biggest support of this is how quickly Saint Germaine is just like “ok I’m evil now”. He immediately submits to the random woman who tells him he’s gotta be evil to find his lady love, there’s one scene of him murdering a guy, and then he’s all-in on being a villain, complete with “I AM A GOD WHO FUCKS” monologuing.
In addition to Saint Germaine’s heel turn feeling half-baked, the Dracula’s resurrection plot in general really doesn’t feel all that important until the finale. Varney is a comic relief character, which in hindsight was completely intentional, but Ratko and Draken are just huge fighter dudes who weren’t involved with Dracula’s court during Season 2, but are very into bringing him back for reasons that are never clearly explained besides the assumed “it’s Dracula so we gotta”. Additionally, the way major characters like Hector and especially Isaac treat the resurrection plot don’t help, although it makes perfect sense that they both do what they do.
The things that happen in Targoviste, and the way they happen, also contribute, especially because there’s no satisfactory resolution to it. Trevor and Sypha start to help the people organize and rebuild, and then get whisked away to the Underground Court. They barely have time to react to the fucked up shit going on down there before they teleport to the castle to kick off the finale. More time to let hostilities between them and Zamfir bubble up before the reveal of the Underground Court, along with a more satisfying build-up to Trevor collecting the components of the Super Holy Dagger would have been good.
Season 3 ends with Alucard in Hector in very bad places: Alucard has just been betrayed by the twins vampire hunters, which has brought out a misanthropic streak, including him leaving them on pikes, and Hector has once again been duped into an even deeper submission than he was in as Carmilla’s prisoner at the end of Season 2. Trevor and Sypha’s vignettes establish that roughly a month and a half have passed, which was apparently enough time for Alucard to basically get over his trust issues, enough to help the villagers, and Hector to not only cope with the reality of his situation but also finally develop into a character on par with every other major character in terms of competence.
Carmilla and Isaac’s stories didn’t feel rushed like everything else I’ve mentioned, but following the train of thought that there was originally going to be more episodes, both of them could’ve stood to have more time and events to get to their final forms.
So, Death: I don’t know how I feel about Death as portrayed in this series. On the one hand, this interpretation technically not being Dracula’s right hand as he is in the games, and instead being an independent actor that stands to benefit from Dracula’s rampage and thus serves the same capacity as a right hand, is incredible. On the other, the fact that Death’s true personality is actually just Varney fucking blows. The design for Death is also not my favorite, because it reminds me just a bit too much of Castlevania Judgment, but Malcolm McDowell being the voice actor is really cool. In conclusion, Death is a land of contrasts.
On that note, “no it’s not Death Death, it’s an entity that calls itself Death that feeds on death and is an elemental spirit- or force of nature in other words- but is distinctly different from the personification of the concept of-” just fucking say “yeah for all intents and purposes it’s the Grim Reaper”. Coming up with a semantics explanation for why vampires get fucked up by crosses to explain the cross subweapon is fun, don’t undercut your final antagonist by trying to rationalize it into something less fantastical.
I already said that I liked the motivation behind Death, but also the execution of “I’m going to bring back Dracula wrong on purpose” and the way he accomplishes that is the best it’s ever been.
I thought Varney hopping over the stream of holy water was a fun cap on the argument about whether or not vampires can cross over running water from Season 2, but was in fact clever foreshadowing, since Death isn’t a vampire. Good stuff!
I think it’s just because I’ve been focusing a lot on animation quality over the last few months, but I noticed they started using 3D models a lot more this season. I imagine it was a matter of practicality considering that there are more action setpieces in this season than the other three combined. I think this is ultimately a good thing, because they do a very good job of masking the fact that they’re using 3D most of the time because it still looks very good, unlike some of Netflix’s other 3D action projects, and if it makes life easier for the animators without sacrificing quality then that’s a win for everyone.
Didn’t think much of it at first, but I’ve really come to appreciate the term “night creatures” as a catch-all for monsters in this series. It’s generic enough to encompass everything regardless of design difference, but more unique than just ‘monsters’ or ‘demons’.
I had heard someone make a joke about a character wearing Artorias Dark Souls’s armor for a scene because fuck you, but holy shit, Striga really does just wear Artorias Dark Souls’s armor for a scene because fuck you.
When Saint Germaine first shows up, his lines sound really low quality compared to Alucard and Greta, and then that issue goes away after that episode. I imagine that it was pandemic related, but clearly Bill Nighy was either able to get into a studio or eventually got a better home setup- couldn’t you just have him re-record those lines?
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I’ve talked so much about how Carmilla’s design in this series is The Best™ because they masterfully adapted a single sprite with no animation from a 1987 video game into a fully realized design, and this frame in particular struck me as perfect. This is the best this character has ever looked and likely will ever look.
I love how optimistic and positive the tone of everyone’s ending is. Ranging from the unexpectedly beautiful and uplifting resolution to Isaac’s story, to the foundation of a town that fundamentally accomplishes what Lisa hoped for at the very beginning of the series, it’s all nice way to go out. Even Lenore choosing to commit suicide, while not necessarily optimistic or positive, is at least on her own terms.
Dracula and Lisa also having a happy ending is nice. It doesn’t really make any sense, and it makes me wonder what Richter’s call to action is going to be in the next series, but I think they were right to have the series end with the same two characters it opened with.
AYY SOMEONE THREW A WINE GLASS!!!
Unfortunately, I’d say Season 4 is the weakest of the series, but they did everything they could to make sure they provided an explosive finale and a solid ending. This was a damn good show and without a doubt the best thing to be associated with Castlevania in over a decade. Not that it had much competition there, but still!
As a final note on the nature of Castlevania as an adaptation: I can certainly understand why certain people don’t like this series. If you’re looking for Castlevania: The Video Game: The Animated Series, you’d walk away disappointed because of how many things were changed in adaptation, how much they were changed, and that so much is just made up from whole cloth. But an animated series isn’t a video game, and while an eight episode series where each episode is a different stage of non-stop fight scenes, complete with a big boss fight at the end sounds like it could be cool, if that’s what I really want I’d probably be better served just playing a game.
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shinyflareon · 3 years
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Dude I so agree with you about fandom culture. I think now days, people are too worried about purity culture and being so overly critical, that they forgot to just have fun and maybe explore a little bit of themselves while theyre at it. Looking back, there certainly were problems and discourses but at least we all had fun and just put our content out there without worrying that we'd be called this or that terrible term or sent death threats for god forbid exploring sth nuanced in fiction
For sure! By and large, we were all just dumb kids having a good time, coming into our own independence alongside an internet in its infancy and reveling in the anonymity that our newfound freedom provided. Like, there was some pretty awful stuff that got passed around fandom culture back then! But stuff like Pedobear was regarded as a harmless, if occasionally annoying, meme. Can you imagine if something like that were to emerge today?
But with all those problematic elements - the crass memes and the weebing and the yaoi fangirl-ing (to the point of hating female characters for "getting in the way of teh yaoiz!", sometimes to the point of killing them off! horribly!) - came a revelry and joy in fandom that I can't say I've ever really observed since. Fandom in general became such a cultural touchstone because we were all, collectively, in some way participating in it. It didn't really matter what a person's specific fandom was, because everyone was part of a fandom, and with that came an explosion of art, writing, cosplay, and just general creativity, and the bonding that happened online spilled over into physical spaces like conventions where people who otherwise would never have met could not only do so, but do so happily.
We all knew that our shows, games, whatever, they weren't perfect. That was half the reason we started creating fan works in the first place - to "fix" the "problems" (usually the aforementioned lack of teh yaoiz) that we had with the canon. But we still took joy in them, in the worlds and characters that they gave us, and so we went forth and created.
Now, since we've grown up and new generations have taken up the mantles that we passed down to them, things have gotten a lot more hostile. Creativity has become competition - if you're not good enough, then what's the point? You'll never get noticed, and it doesn't matter anyway. They know more about each other than we ever did, but are more divided than we ever were. Our camaraderie became their battlefield. They've forgotten that there were trolls under those bridges we built, and have instead decided that instead of just not being fed, they should go on righteous, chivalrous quests to slay the evil trolls for good. But the thing is, no one wants to return from a quest empty-handed. So you start finding evil everywhere you look, until that "evil" is just someone who says "I don't headcanon [character x] as [having trait y]."
In that vein, "headcanon" itself seems to have become a dirty word! It's not "my interpretation of the story," it's "the only valid interpretation of the story and if yours doesn't align perfectly with mine then obviously you're a horrible, terrible person, because mine is objectively correct!" I noticed this a lot when I first became aware of "kins" - people got so attached to a character and their headcanons about them that they stopped calling them headcanons and just claimed that they were that character but in "their reality" their headcanons were actual canon, and got incredibly defensive of people from "other realities."
And since it's so easy for everyone to find each other now, people drunk on righteous fury and hungry to - as we would've put it - "win the internet" actively hunt each other down, seemingly for sport, and can find each other's real identities and info with horrifying ease. Fandom is legit terrifying now! Some kid with a keyboard who knows way more about computers than you ever will can blast your private info for everyone to see over the barest slight, all to crow about how terrible you are and preen about how good they are by comparison for exposing you. And the bigger their target, the bigger the victory, which I suspect is partially why some people have gotten bold enough to go after the actual people who make the thing that they're claiming to be a fan of.
There are probably a lot of people who can and have say this all way more eloquently than I could ever hope to, and there's probably a whole hell of a lot I'm either glossing over or straight up missing. I'm sure I could get accused of just wearing rose-tinted nostalgia goggles. But the differences between early fandom culture and modern fandom culture are pretty distressing, even from the outside. I don't really know what to do with this distress but to remember the wise words I was once taught: don't feed the trolls, never give out personal information, don't like, don't read.
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