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royalsweetteaa · 1 year

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Timeless lovin’ - pt. 3

Pairing: CATFA!40s!Steve Rogers x present!reader

18+ ONLY | MINORS DNI

WARNING - The following story contains: explicit smut, oral sex (F receiving), boob groping, dom!reader, Steve calls reader ma'am, sub!Steve, virgin!Steve, pet names, Steve has a praise kink, angst, fluff, developing feelings, spoilers, time skips, alternative reality, wingman!Bucky Barnes.

Pt. | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 |

Summary: Steve left for Peggy in the past, and you were determined to travel back in time and get answers after he left your relationship of 4 years behind him just like that. You get a little ahead of yourself and travel past where your Steve left off, and you meet Steve Rogers, - the man before he hit the ice and was frozen for 70 years.

Y/N’s POV

For the night, I decided to give it a rest and leave my issues for tomorrow, seeing as there wasn’t much else I could do now that I had walked away from Steve. It was a good thing that I was exhausted anyway, and a good night sleep was very much needed.

Throughout the night, I was a bit tempted to leave back to my time before the morning rose, but it felt like it would be too wasteful. I acknowledged I was extremely privileged for receiving the opportunity of traveling through time, and so why leave when I could spend one more day to witness the life of the 40s myself?

The next day I woke up earlier than most and set course to the nearest town from the military base. Soldiers greeted me along the way of getting to the gate, as news had spread that a new female 'soldier' had joined amongst the Howling Commandos and had been of great service for the previous mission.

It felt good to be acknowledged with smiles and nods as a form of respect, but there was also the whistles which still put me off guard. I wasn't quite used to it yet but it wasn't like it surprised me. Due to people's acknowledgement of me, I didn’t have to show my ID when I left, which was convenient.

I took the bus downtown and walked out at the stop of the plaza. It wasn’t busy this early in the morning, but thankfully some shops were open for me to explore.

For me it was mind boggling to think I was the only one in the whole world with the knowledge of what would happen the next 70 + years. Everyone was walking around with the war as their only concern, - not robot and alien invasions. I envied that a little.

40s!Steve POV

I knocked on Bucky’s door and rushed inside once I heard his voice of approval. He was sitting on his desk, going over some of his files. Cutting through the chase, I asked him, “Buck, have you seen Y/N?” hoping he would possibly know something.

Bucky turned around, “You mean the girl you haven’t told me a thing about? I may have overheard someone mentioning her whereabouts. Why?”

I felt a sense of relief when Bucky said he had heard she was still around. Good, she hadn’t returned to her time then.

But who knows when she will.

“It’s urgent…I need to talk to her.”

“Steve, you’ve never been this secretive with me. Have I done something to break our trust or what?” Bucky asked with confrontation, his arms crossed as he expected an explanation.

I sighed, understanding why my best friend was feeling left out, when it was just too complicated for me to bring him into it. I had promised Y/N to not speak of our situation, and while it was tempting to share it with Bucky, I knew it wasn’t the right time for that yet. Not when there was too much going on from before.

“I…listen, I can’t go into details right now but let’s just say this woman is very important to me and I have to find her cause she left me yesterday before we could clear things up, and I’m risking on loosing her if I don’t leave right now…”

Bucky’s eyes widened with surprise, “Woah, hold on, what happened last night?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose as I was growing more impatient, and luckily Bucky retorted immediately with, “Fine, we can save it for later. I overheard some guy by the gate say he got to have small talk with her and she told him she’ll be exploring downtown today cause she’s curious about the area, - something like that. Don’t know what could be interesting in downtown Dover but -!”

“Thanks Buck, I’ll see you later!” I interrupted him from finishing his sentence as I left to head for the gate and take a ride on my motorcycle.

Second person POV

You had bought an ice cream sundae and had a taste of delicious apple pie at a cafe, - something that tasted so fresh and homemade, it couldn’t compare to your time’s desserts. Why didn’t they make them like this anymore?

Oh right, because in present time, all they do is put chemicals in every single ingredient because it gives a ‘better colour’ or ‘makes it last longer’ despite increasing risks of cancer. Lovely.

As you were carrying your bag of bought items and walking around for some more, you heard the rumble of a motorcycle catching up to you from behind. You turned around out of habit to make sure you weren’t in the way, but when you saw who it was, you turned almost panicked.

You had at least wanted to be mentally prepared to be approached by Steve or approach him again, - not like this where you were halting with shopping bags in your hand as Steve parked his motorbike by the sidewalk to come over to you.

Out of grudge and stubbornness, you decided to keep walking, even when Steve was calling after you. Once he inevitably caught up, he had you confronted.

"Y/N, please stop running away from me." Steve called you out, and you eventually went full stop.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling conflicted about the whole situation but you didn't want to be a coward anymore. You were going to tell him what was the issue.

"I’m not running away…- Steve, this was all a big mistake. I should have returned a long time ago before we..before all of this happened...” You gestured at the space between the two of you. “We’ve been around each other long enough. There's nothing else for me to do here."

"No, come on Y/N....don't say that." Steve pled, sadness spreading on his features. He reached out with the extra motorcycle helmet to you, “Come back to the base with me, please. I’d like to take this conversation there instead of here in the open. The last thing I want is a HYDRA spy listening in on us.”

You huffed but agreed, and took the helmet from his hands before sitting behind Steve on the motorcycle. He put your items into the trunk, and had you wrap your arms around him as he drove back, being welcomed with an open gate at the base.

Once you got off, he led you to a secluded area, behind the wall of a bunker, where no other person would have a reason to be at the moment.

You met his eyes when you turned to look at each other, expecting him to talk first, - and that he did.

“Y/N, I…I don’t want you to leave. Not like this anyway. Yesterday was…well, I quite frankly enjoyed our time spending together, and I didn’t see why…you had to leave so abruptly after we…you know…” Steve trailed off as his cheeks became red, “I-I thought we had a good time. Didn’t you?”

“You’re with Peggy.” You started off with your reasoning. “It isn’t…- it wasn’t right for me to do that. I’m sorry I did that. I really don’t want to be the other woman anymore..” You said the last part above a whisper, biting the inside of your cheek as you tried your best not to cry.

“…You’re not the other woman.” Steve said sternly. “Me and Peggy…we aren’t official. Never were. She’s always given me mixed signals, and while we’ve shared a few romantic moments, it hasn’t been remotely the same as the ones I’ve shared with you. I’ve never…we haven’t done anything like I have with you.” Steve put it in his own way, trying hard to speak without crudeness.

You scoffed, “Okay, so you haven’t had sex. So? That doesn’t mean anything. At the end of the day, you left me for her. How can you be so sure this will be any different?”

Steve’s body turned tense, and he slammed his fisted hand onto the iron wall of the bunker, causing it to bulge. That had really caught you off guard. “I didn’t leave you! He did. Everything you’ve told me about my future self, - I don’t recognize myself in him at all. He obviously went through certain things that changed him. That made him miss what he once called home and made him forget of what he had right in front of him! You can’t keep on pushing me away just because of his mistake.”

You couldn't look him in the eye as emotions were once again bottling up and you were scared it would spill out. Steve’s face softened, regretting he had been harsh with his tone, but he felt like it was necessary this time. He took your cheeks into the palm of his hands carefully.

“Y/N, please look at me…” Steve plead. “I used to think I loved Peggy too, but with you, I’ve learned it was purely platonic. I only have fondness for her because she was the first woman apart from my mother to care about me despite being the puny kid from Brooklyn. I was practically all alone before the serum, with everyone else being way ahead of me. Including Bucky, no matter how supportive he was of me. I don’t expect you to understand...” he said, his eyes trailing down to the ground.

You gathered the courage to look him in the eye again as you spoke, “…Yes, your experiences are yours only…but you were the first man to take me seriously and care about me too. I used to think I would stay single for the rest of my life because no man would look my way, but then you did. I guess that’s one of many reasons I haven’t been able to let go. I’m upset he made me believe I had a shot in ever lasting happiness.”

Steve stared at you then, not believing what he was hearing when he was taking in your appearance. “You do deserve ever lasting happiness as any other good woman...I don’t know what kind of light is blinding the men of your time, but your beauty is beyond graceful.”

You chuckled lightly, “....That’s...sweet of you to say, -”

“I’m serious.” His voice sharpened. “I want to get to know you. It has only been a few days and I’m feeling things I’ve never felt before. A feeling I don’t want to let go of, and if you feel the same, you will not go back.”

You sighed with stubbornness, not willing to easily let yourself go defeat. “I…-”

“Captain, I’m so sorry to disrupt, but Miss Carter has just returned from London and would like to meet you.” A soldier said out of breath, as if he had wandered around for some time to find Steve, and Steve cursed under his breath for the bad timing.

“I’ll be with her in a minute, thank you.” Steve politely responded, and the soldier left. He looked at you again and held your shoulders. “Please listen to me. Don’t leave for the future while I go talk to her, okay? I’ll tell her about us.”

You sighed once more, “Steve, I can’t stay here, -” You were disrupted from speaking when his lips connected with yours for a kiss. It was unexpected, but you easily melted into it as his soft lips made it impossible to resist. He was gentle as he held your body close to his, showing how much he didn’t want to let you go.

Once he actually did, he whispered, “Please,…stay.” Steve pleaded once again, his cheeks turning pink at the bold move he had just pulled, but he desperately wanted to prove to you his worthiness.

You held your gaze to his and accepted your defeat, “Okay, fine…It’s a bad idea but fine.”

“Thank you. You won’t regret it. And I’m sorry for…not asking for permission to kiss you. I just,…you know…I really want you to stay.”

You laughed while shaking your head. “Fine. I’ll be waiting for you then, Captain.”

Steve went on his way after that, letting out a huff as a proud smile formed on his lips.

His heart rate had increased and it wasn’t just because he had kissed you moments before, but because he left you wanting to get back to you as soon as possible. You had laughed at his awkwardness, - not mockingly but out of being charmed, and he felt confident on being himself around a woman for once.

He couldn’t say he’s been able to be himself like this with any other woman without receiving a weirded out frown, - including Peggy.

Speaking of Peggy, - Steve spotted her by the mechanics, and before Steve could even think out what he should say, her eyes had caught him and she waved at him with a smile. She had her suitcase in her grip and a folder under her other arm, which told Steve she had quite literally just arrived to the base.

When they got close enough to each other, Peggy greeted him, and Steve returned it, “Hi Peggy, welcome back.”

“Steve, how nice it is to see you again. It’s been a moment but I’m sure they won’t be needing me in London for a while, - not until we go through the next big mission anyway.” Peggy informed contently while placing her suitcase and folder on a nearby table.

“That’s good. Things aren’t the same when you aren’t around.” Steve said.

Peggy snorted at that. “I’m sure it isn’t. I heard the last mission went swiftly though. You’re getting the hang of it and it has only been, - I suppose a year? It’s impressive really.”

Steve smiled as he made short eye contact with her, “Thank you, and yeah, I take pride in my progress. But of course there’s always room for improvement...”

“You’re right about that.” Peggy said, and pulled a frown when she looked to the side at her folder, taken aback at how simply Steve was responding. She was used to his rambles whenever she initiated a conversation, but now he was being awfully reserved.

When she looked up again from her documents, she continued, “Something’s on your mind. I can tell. Is there something you want to tell me? Something that has happened?”

Steve's eyes didn't know where to stay a-put as he grew nervous, and it didn't help with how he knew Peggy could tell he was.

Peggy sighed, realizing she would have to take initiative to get whatever picked Steve's brain to come out verbally to her. “Come, let’s sit down, Steve.” Peggy proposed, and Steve accepted.

They sat down at whatever place was available since there were no chairs outside by the mechanics. Steve cleared his throat, not sure where to begin, but he found what he could start with before he spoke.

“Peggy…you know that you’re very important to me, and that I would never purposefully push you away, or hurt your feelings, right?” Steve asked, as he fiddled with his fingers.

Peggy slowly nodded as she looked at the man who could only maintain his eyes on the ground. “There’s a ‘but’ to this, isn’t there?”

Steve swallowed a lump down his throat as he hesitantly looked up at her, - his 'first love'.

“I may have fallen in love with someone else.”

Peggy blinked, “Oh..is that so?” She asked, surprised to say the least.

“Yeah…I guess I just wanted to let you know because I think it’s only fair. I know we were never official and all, but we didn’t exactly keep it friendly all the time so I…-…I won’t blame you if you stop talking to me or ask me to leave you alone. I know this is out of nowhere, - these feelings came to me unexpectedly too, but I’ve never felt anything like it…so that’s why I…- I want to hold onto these feelings with this woman. I wouldn’t help it if I otherwise ignore it…” Steve spoke his end.

Peggy inhaled through her nose as she stood up, quietly walking over to Steve. “Hey, look, - If this woman is special to you, I am not going to come in the way of your happiness, Steve. You will always find a friend in me if that’s how you want to maintain it.”

Steve’s face lit up as he looked up at Peggy, who had a matching calmness to her face as her voice. “Really? So you’re not upset?”

Peggy laughed as she stroked Steve’s cheek. “My skin is thicker than you think. I can assure you I will manage just fine. I’m not going to lie to you and say it doesn’t hurt me a little bit but…moping around doesn’t do any good. Winning this war will be my top priority to the end of it, and I’ll follow you as a fighter despite where your heart’s at.”

Steve’s lips formed into a smile of relief to Peggy’s response. “Thank you, Peggy...it's relieving to know I haven't lost you as a friend."

He stood up and the pair shared a friendly hug at last, one of which Steve felt going into peace with the fact that he had made this decision to follow you instead, who his heart was currently beating so hard for. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if maybe this closure would have helped future Steve to move past Peggy as he didn’t feel any regrets or as though he was missing out on something, - not when Peggy had said she still sees him as a friend in her life and that it didn’t have to be anything else.

It felt right.

So how come future Steve hadn’t felt the same?

When he left Peggy to go see you again, his mind was wandering as he tried to reason with, -…well, himself. With circumstances being so different, where he in the 40s was now aware that at one point he will be going to the future and possibly meet you and become lovers, - the idea didn’t frighten him anymore.

It led him to believe perhaps future Steve hadn’t ever been at peace with it all as it wasn’t like he was warned about it. No, he most definitely couldn’t have been.

The kind of closure he got from Peggy moments before is something he never would have gotten if you weren’t here.

There had to be something about that, Steve thought.

You waited for Steve by the bonfire that had been vacated by the soldiers as they were deployed on doing their assigned tasks till afternoon.

You stared into nothing while you were thinking of so many things, but before you could get too deep into these thoughts, a familiar voice came from behind you.

“Hey, there. Y/N, right?”

You turned around and weren’t surprised by who had greeted you.

Bucky.

Ever since you met him for the first time, you grew incredibly annoyed each time you saw his face on a news article or literally anywhere else.

You were familiar with him first after he became listed as a wanted target by S.H.I.E.L.D., but the two of you only met face to face after Steve left as you were desperate for answers. You reached out to the person who was closest to him, but he didn’t know anything of you as you and Steve had only become a couple within the years of which half of the population was gone. Amongst those was of course Bucky.

So when you finally met and you explained everything, you were so disappointed with his answer. Offended would probably be a better word to describe it.

“Look, I apologize on Steve’s behalf that he left you without at least saying goodbye, but you need to see it from his perspective. Steve had it all taken away from him of living the good life after fighting Second World War. And then he was pushed into all this mess of becoming an Avenger, saving me and fighting wars with aliens. I was involved in a lot of that so I know just how draining it was for him. Steve has always put everyone else before himself, and now that he had the chance to live the life he wanted, he had to take it. I think it’s best for you to let it rest and respect his choice. -

He deserves to be happy.”

All of your nerves were hit by the end of his ‘wise words’, yet you managed to silently leave the place in order not to loose control and choke the man. Not that you had a chance against the super soldier, but you were too angry not to entertain the thought. You tried to excuse him for seeming a bit out of it himself, but you still would have preferred a shrug for a response rather than that.

What a way to excuse him for leaving his girlfriend of 4 years with no indication of doing so instead of being, - you know, - a man and say it as it is.

Fuck my happiness I guess, you thought.

“Hello, James.” You greeted back with less enthusiasm.

“You can also call me -“

“- Bucky. I know.”

He frowned but dismissed your hinted attitude. “I have a feeling Steve didn’t tell you that.”

You narrowed an eye. “Oh?” Had Steve told him about who I really am?

“Yeah, Steve usually introduces me as James until I get a chance to introduce myself in my own charming way.” Bucky explained smugly as he sat beside you at the bonfire. "But I guess with everyone calling me that around here makes it harder for me to do that."

“Right…” You replied.

“So…It’s come to my attention you and Steve are close. Is that true?“ Bucky asked curiously.

You shrugged, “I suppose you could say that.”

“You know, Steve is a great guy. He’s got all the qualities you could want, - he's this big macho guy yet he's sensitive, as you can probably tell just by looking at him. He can be a little shy sometimes but I can assure you it’s only cause he finds you gorgeous. A gorgeous dame makes any man nervous after all. If you're looking for something serious, you can most definitely count on him, - unlike the most soldiers around here....” He said, snickering in the midst of his last sentence.

You had to chuckle. It was obvious to you what he was doing, being Steve’s best friend and all. You didn’t need him to tell you he had all these qualities when Steve was good at showing those himself, but you welcomed it as you found it entertaining.

Suddenly another someone made an appearance, that person being none other than Steve.

“Excuse me, I don’t mean to disturb you two but I’ll have to borrow him for a bit.” Steve spoke while wrapping an arm around Bucky’s shoulder to lead him away. Once they got away from you far enough to be out of earshot, Steve glared at Bucky with concern.

“What are you doing?”

Bucky chuckled, “Nothing bud, I only put good words on ya. Figured I would give the lady some reassurance from someone who knows you the best. Maybe that will give the both of you a push and you’ll be sliding into second base in no time.” Bucky said, smirking at Steve who was left to blush with embarrassment.

“You don’t need to do that…I have it under control.” Steve mumbled. “I’m not a puny kid anymore. I can take hold of things myself now, including my love life.”

Bucky chuckled, “Hey, I’m sure you can but having a wingman is always useful, don’t you think? You lack experience despite how buffed up you have become. You’re still a virgin, aren’t you? Unless…?”

Steve gulped nervously, knowing full well lying out of the topic wouldn’t save him as Bucky could always tell when he wasn’t telling the truth. “I’m not about to answer that.”

Bucky laughed, “I know damn well Peggy and you haven’t gone beyond making out. I’m pretty sure I heard from someone that she’s one to wait until marriage. So come on, tell me. You’re killing me here.” Bucky begged, almost whining for an answer at this point.

Steve sighed as he tried to be as discreet as possible with his words without saying too much. “I haven’t -…you know…gone through intercourse, but I might have done something else.”

Bucky looked back at the woman again. “With her? You two did something last night, didn’t you?” Steve nodded hesitantly. “Damn, Steve I’m so proud of you! You’ve passed third base! That must mean the two of you are serious serious. Can’t believe you’ve never mentioned her before.”

Steve pushed Bucky’s arm, “Keep it down, will you? You’re practically shouting.”

“Hey, I’m just proud of you. You’re finally taking big steps.” Bucky pointed out. “With Peggy it was taking forever for the two of you to even kiss each other’s cheeks, - which speaking of which, are you over her? Have you told her?”

“I did tell her actually, only a few minutes ago…she was very mature about it and honestly, I admire that a lot of her.” Steve said, smiling to himself as the reminder that they were still on good terms was nice to him.

“But that might have been the problem.” Bucky added, “I noticed there was no real spark whenever you were together. Too much admiring and ‘looking up to’. You two were always…too polite with each other. I kind of knew by looking at the two of you that it wasn't going to go anywhere beyond friendship.”

“Really?” Steve asked, surprised to be hearing that. It was sending him in a spiral of questions and theories. Because he was aware that somewhere, there would be exactly that, - something beyond friendship. Him and Peggy being together with commitment. So why would Bucky say that? Had Bucky from a different timeline where Peggy and him did end up together share the same opinion?

Steve's head started to hurt the more he overthought it. Gosh, was it exhausting to be aware of these things, Steve thought.

Steve returned back to you after sending Bucky to the rest of the team, hoping this would be last interruption between the two of you.

“I’m sorry about that, Bucky is a bit…extra sometimes.” Steve excused.

You smirked, “It’s fine, he only said good things about you.”

“So he claimed…” Steve chuckled nervously. “I told her.” He apprised.

“Okay…so you’re done with her? Just like that?”

“We are still good friends, - but in the way you're thinking, yes..." Steve confirmed, his eyes shimmering almost nervously. "Are you now convinced you want to give us a try?”

You looked down, staring at the fire which was dying at this point. “Maybe,…I’m not sure where we should go with this. I don’t exactly belong here.”

“Is there...anyone you’ll be missing if you stayed? Family, friends?” Steve asked carefully.

You narrowed an eyebrow, "Are you implying I should stay here, Steve? In the 40s?"

"Would it be so bad?" Steve asked, expressing worry from perhaps suggesting the far fetched. "I know your time is way more advanced and impressive, but...- I'll make sure you have everything you need. I'll help in any way for you to adjust...and if it still doesn't work for you then..."

"- Then I'll go back, and try to move on. And so will you." You completed his sentence, though it wasn't the same words Steve would've used.

He gulped but nodded understandingly. "Yes. Exactly that."

You half-smiled sympathetically, hinting your sadness. "I don't mean to be harsh, but I don't want to have our feelings hurt more than necessary. We still have time to figure out and decide what we do, but you understand why we need to draw a line, right? If it doesn't work out, we call it quits."

Steve nodded again, “I understand…but that doesn’t mean I’ll promise I won’t allow myself to fall for you. Besides…I believe I’m already falling as we speak. There’s usually no return from a fall.” He said, almost poetically but it didn’t sound like he had put it together on purpose. He was just being his charming self.

“If you keep talking like that, I might stumble over the edge too.” You said with a wink. Steve laughed at that, and returned a cheeky grin.

From there, you decided to walk back to center base. There was a long silence on the way, where you simply observed the environment. When you got close to your assigned rooms though, Steve broke the appreciated silence.

“Uh, Y/N?”

“Yeah?” You asked, turning to look at him with curiosity.

“I had a thought and....- before we call it a night, I was wondering if...I could return the favor?" You stared at him, confused at what he was trying to insinuate. "I want to do what you did to me yesterday…but to you..” Steve whispered his clarification in your ear. “I-If I may..”

“You mean…you want to go down on me?” You asked as you bit your lip. You had figured as much that the concept of oral sex didn’t have its own descriptions in the 40s, which explained Steve’s lack of dirty talk.

Or maybe he was just like this.

Regardless, you loved it.

”Yes….I want to return the favor to the prettiest woman in the world.”

“Now you’re reaching it.” You giggled, humored.

“Am not.” He said with a slight pout.

You bit your lip, “Well, if you’d like…we could take this further in my bedroom this time….would you like that?” You asked innocently, but Steve knew it was anything but.

“Very…” he responded, sounding out of breath but he was simply overwhelmed.

At his reply, you hurried to your room with Steve behind you, making sure you were in the clear before you quickly entered the door and closed it behind you, locking it. You didn't leave Steve waiting as you climbed on him, Steve taking it as cue to hold you up as you started doing what he least expected, - have his neck and earlobe attacked with sucks and kisses. He whines when you suck for longer periods, but turns his head further away to give you full access. He backs over to your bed, his hands holding firmer around your ass as he lies down, leaving you on top of him to do whatever you please.

You unbutton his uniform jacket, leaving him in his white shirt. His nipples poke through the thin fabric, making it irresistible for you not to pinch them a little as you continue marking his neck with hickeys. His mouth slips out a cry, and you hush him, reminding him he has to be more quiet.

“Please, kiss me…” Steve pleaded, and you stopped what you were doing at his simple, yet heart fluttering request.

“Why should I do that, Steve?” You asked teasingly, pulling back to look at him again.

“Because I want to feel that feeling again,” he breathed out. “-- That feeling that tells me how right this is..- how right we are.”

Your heart skipped the hardest beat at his words. It was as if you were falling in love all over again, though this time there was so, so much more passion. Stronger than the first time.

And It scared you, but at the same time it pulled you closer to him. It made you think that perhaps this Steve could pull you even closer than your Steve.

No. Not your Steve anymore.

The man in front of you was becoming more ‘your Steve’ than Steve from your present could ever be, and it had only been days.

You pulled him by his collar and smashed your lips onto his, making out heavily with him. He held your waist with both of his hands, needing to hold onto something as he tried not to squirm too much. Whenever you pulled away for air, you saw for yourself how empty headed you had turned him. He was panting breathlessly, his face bright red from all of the sensations you were giving him. You smiled, pecking his lips lastly before you started to undress, making Steve's eyes go wide as he was brought back to reality.

Seductively and slowly you removed your jacket, revealing your white silky shirt. Once that was off, you removed your bra too, revealing your bare breasts. Steve was in awe, his eyes becoming relaxed for once as he stared at them.

No porn magazine could ever compare to the real deal... went a thought through Steve's mind.

Carefully you took his hands from your hips and placed them on your breasts, making his breath hitch as he felt the softness of it.

"Feel them, Steve...you're allowed to." You assured him. He swallowed before firmly groping them in his palms, squeezing them out of fascination.

He took a deep breath, trying to loosen up, "I...oh god, I can't believe this is happening.."

You made a concerned face from what he had just said, and you had to ask, "Do you want to take a break, Steve? Cause if this is too much -!"

"N-No!" Steve interrupted you hastily, "No...I just...I'm mesmerized, that's all...you’re so beautiful…you look like a goddess…”, he whispered as he took in your body in front of him.

You grinned, and watched as his thumbs curiously rubbed against your hardening nipples. You hadn't had anyone touch you like this for a long time, so you couldn't help but let out a soft moan as you felt your arousal between your legs grow. Steve groaned in response, feeling his own arousal rise at the sound that had just slipped out from your lips.

You removed yourself off of him all of a sudden, making him freeze from confusion.

"I have to take off my skirt and panties, otherwise I'll soak right through them..." You explained as you had caught his reaction, and that made him sink his shoulders with relief. Just a little bit.

Before Steve could even process it, you were fully undressed in front of him with everything on display as he got a small glimpse of your pussy with your legs closed. You smirked, not only because of his shuddering response but also from seeing his raging boner making a tent through his trousers.

When you spread your legs revealing your cunt, Steve let out a sharp exhale as he mumbled something in the lines of, ‘Oh heavens..’ He had never seen female genitalia before, - not face to face anyway. With a nod of approval from you, he bowed down and got closer to it, the arousing smell hitting him like a wave. He licked his lips, wanting nothing more but to have a taste and a feel of it.

His hopes were answered as you spoke up, “Go on, baby…make me feel good…”

“Yes, ma’am…” he responded, following the same pattern you had done on his cock which was to touch you first.

He touched your cunt lightly at first, having his fingertips gracefully stroke over the sensitive flesh. His sharp ears heard your breathing hitching when he touched particular spots, - the spots being your hole and at the top where there was what looked like a tiny pearl to Steve.

Your hand reached down to touch at the spot he had first touched, and you explained, “this is my clit…it’s the most sensitive part of my pussy, and if you keep rubbing it, I’ll get more wet..”

Steve hummed with fascination, and he mimicked the motion. When he rubbed your clit in a circular motion, he heard mewls slipping out of your mouth, making him turn flushed at the lewd noises.

"Your flower is so pretty, Y/N.." Steve commented huskily. Before you could say anything, Steve used his other hand to pay attention to your hole. He curiously spread your pussy lips apart before he carefully inserted his index finger in, wriggling his way to get it in there, - though your pussy juice was more than helpful as lube.

He began to pump his finger in a slow pace while still working on your clit, causing you to occasionally jolt. Bucky had shared plenty of advice on how to pleasure a woman, and to Steve's delight it seemed like those instructions worked like a dream based on your reactions.

He still had to ask, “I’m not hurting you, am I?…” worried your twitching was of pain, but the way you were moaning said otherwise.

“No, you’re doing so good…ngh, you're a natural, Steve...keep on shoving that thick finger of yours inside of me…” you instructed him, and he did so with quicker thrusts.

The quicker he thrusted, the more wetter you became. Steve licked his lips instinctively, and without asking, he pulled out his finger causing you to whine at its absence.

He was too eager to put his mouth on you, first flattening his tongue so he could flick it all over your folds and clit while his finger did the work below. You mewled loudly and slapped a hand onto your mouth, not wanting to let out more noises for others outside to hear.

“Y-You taste so good…I think…mmh I might get drunk on your juices alone…so addictive..” he spoke through his breaks before he dove in for more. The taste was so sweet to his tastebuds, it was driving him insane. He was leisurely humping against the mattress now, grinding his clothed dick along the sheets as he got off on pleasuring you. His tongue explored everywhere, - from the source of your wetness to around your folds and then at your sensitive nub.

“Ohh, you’re doing such a good job, baby…” you praised through high pitched moans. “…keep using your tongue…want you to tongue-fuck me..push your tongue inside of me, sweet boy…” you began to repeat your plea with desperation.

Your vulgar descriptions of activities and the pet names was only adding to Steve's maxed out lust. You were so fierce and exploring compared to him, given that you come from a society where that is more socially acceptable.

And Steve loved it. He felt confident with your praises and with your guidance. He wasn’t as scared as he thought he would be when experimenting with sexual activities such as this. He felt comfortable.

His fingers parted your folds carefully before his tongue dived into your quivering heat. You wither as Steve's tongue laves at your cunt, pushing the warm, wet muscle of his tongue into your tight core.

“Aaah! Such a good boy…oh fuck, Steve!” You fisted his hair, pushing his head closer as you began to grind against his face, and Steve happily accepted it. He was close himself, uncontrollably rolling his hips against the mattress as he pleasured you.

You whimper when Steve's finger finds your g-spot, and by your physical reaction he continues to thrust his finger at the same angle, seeing you fall apart in front of him.

"Holy shit, I'm cumming, Steve!!" You howled, quickly shoving your pillow over your face as you came, your orgasm hitting you like a wave. Steve drank you up as he hummed against your core, letting out a long-drawn moan of his own before he came in his pants. He panted against you, his hips coming to a halt as he looked up, his hair almost in the way of his eyes due to how messy you had made it.

“D-Did I do good, ma’am?” He asked, dazed, but desperate to know the answer.

You let out a breathless laugh before raising your head, “You did more than good,” you praised him as you cupped his cheeks and brought him forward for a heated kiss. He was in awe, and with his slacked jaw you slipped your tongue into his mouth, going in for another but shorter make out session. “You were perfect.” You specified further, making him squirm at the praise.

He had a praise kink alright, you thought.

As he rose up, you noticed the huge wet patch on his trouser with its sticky texture that had come on the sheets.

“Aw, did you cum?" You cooed the question. "What a mess you made…”

“Well, can you blame me?…” Steve spoke shyly, lowering his gaze out of embarrassment. “How could I not get aroused when you’re in front of me, naked, - especially after having a taste of your flower. It was beyond intoxicating..”

You chuckled, bringing Steve in to rest his head on your stomach with his arms wrapping around you as there was no pillow for him to use. You couldn’t help but snort after some silence, causing Steve to look up with curiosity as to what you found so funny.

“Why do you call pussy ‘flower’, Steve? I’ve never heard that one before.” You asked him, sharing the thought that you found amusing.

Steve looked away, turning sheepish again but he was more than willing to explain as there was a reason behind it. “Um…you see, my mother used to call female genitalia that to not ruin my innocence. I was 9 when I asked about what makes girls and boys different, and she told me girls have flowers that bloom and boys have tools that…turn more functional I guess? She never went down the details because she knew I would learn eventually. But since then, I’ve always called it that, - but it’s not like I talk about female genitalia often. Bucky mocks me all the time and corrects me by calling it a 'cunt’…but I’ve never liked that word. It sounds too crass for me…it just doesn’t sound nice. Female genitalia deserves to be called something more respectable I think,...- something pretty.” He said.

You hummed contently, “Mm, I like that a lot. Don’t stop calling my pussy a flower.” You grinned, slipping out a chuckle but it was out of adoration, not mockery. He turned to look at you, surprised with your response but glad you found it endearing.

“You know, I could never talk about this to any other woman. Somehow, you make me feel comfortable talking about anything..it just feels so natural to blurt things out to you without a second thought.” Steve shared, tightening his grip around you, and you smiled, putting your hand on his hair to play with it.

With a pleased expression, you responded with “I feel the same.”

You laid quiet for a while, until you felt Steve's weight leave you as he rose up, “I suppose I should leave to my room then…before it gets late and people start swarming in the hallway. Least I’d want is to be caught fooling around when I’m in service.” Steve reasoned, but he was making that face, as though the idea of having to leave was upsetting him a little.

“Or…” you trailed with another option in mind. “- you could just stay here with me. We can sleep together...unless you have other work to do?”

Steve’s eyes widened with surprise of your proposal, “…Um, yes, - I mean no! I don’t have more work for tonight…and uh, only if you don’t mind,..yes, I’d love to sleep with you…in your bed. - With you..”

You laughed, pulling him back in and having him beside you this time as you pulled the covers over the two of you.

You cupped his cheek, kissing his forehead which made him have to hold back a wide grin while you still chuckled.

“You’re such a big dork, Steve.”

The sun barely lit up through the closed blinds, but the commotion going around outside was loud enough to wake you up. Your eyes flickered open, and you saw Steve, already awake with his upper body risen against the headboard.

"Morning, doll..." Steve greeted you, then turned back to his sketch book he had in front of him. You greeted him back through a yawn.

“Wow, what a pretty drawing…” you murmured with your morning voice, holding an arm around Steve as you saw him adding shade.

It was a sketched portrait of you in your sleep. You could assume he had been up a while with how far he was with the drawing process.

He smiled, “The beauty comes from the motive beside me, doll..”

“Ha! You didn’t include all my flaws in the piece, that’s why.” You joked a little with your insecurities.

“What flaws?” He asked, turning to you confused, and you laughed, thinking he was trying to be smug. “No seriously, tell me what I’m missing cause I’m pretty sure I added every single detail…”

You shrugged as you pulled some hair strands away from your face. “I don’t look that pretty when I’m sleeping. My hair is usually messier and I’ve been told I sometimes drool in my sleep, which..- yep, I’m spotting a wet patch on your shirt...” you sighed. “Sorry about that…”

“It’s okay, I think it’s kind of cute actually…” Steve spoke softly. “And your mouth was shut when I started drawing, but adding a little drool could bring more life to the drawing.”

“Don’t add it, it’s fine.” You said, slapping his hand away playfully from having him do any changes.

He put his sketch book down and turned his body to you while rubbing his eye. “Gosh, I can’t believe you had me staying in your bed. I’m surprised we managed to sleep with the little space we have.”

“We were close enough to make it comfortable.” You said with a smirk.

He hummed as he started to think. “I feel like…I’ve known you my whole life, yet I don’t know a lot about you apart from things involving future me.” He said, guilt featuring in his face.

He raised his upper body up again as a sudden realization dawned upon him. “Where are my manners, I haven’t even asked you out for dinner, a-and we’ve been so intimate already…we’ve touched and….’tasted' each other’s genitals without going on a first date. - essentially I’m an awful man.”

You pulled him to lay back again and had his face in the palm of your hands, making him look at you as you spoke up, “Hey, don’t say that. It’s not a big deal for me. Well, it would still be nice to go out but you don’t have to worry about giving into your sexual cravings with me. I was the one to engage in oral sex with you first time around and what you did to me yesterday was so wonderful too…” you reassured tenderly. “You’re such a sweet man, Steve. You were such a gentleman, putting my pleasure first before you came yourself. I adore you. I really do...” your tone became more whispery with each sentence as you closed in to Steve’s lips, stroking his bicep with comfort.

He looked into your eyes through his lashes, then at your lips, hoping you will reward him with a kiss. With the way you were closing in, he knew he was getting what he wanted so much.

“I adore you too, doll…” he said, a second before you put his lips onto his.

It lasted moments until you decided it was enough to keep you non affectionate for the rest of the day as anything different wouldn’t be ideal at all. Steve was very busy that day and the week onward, but he kept his promise of taking you out when they set him free on one of the weekends. Through the lunches and dinners Steve took you out to, you had been able to connect better through temporarily leaving behind the elephant in the room. Since you were in public, you focused on getting to know each other without putting anything out there about your time travel business and future predictions. You were getting better settled into the environment in the process, and with Steve it was easy to feel like you belonged.

Steve asked you about your hobbies and interests, where and how you were raised, and about your accomplishments and failures. He seemed genuinely interested about learning everything there is to learn about you, his back hunched with his elbows on the table as he tuned in to listen about your life. It was nice how little he made it about himself, though you couldn't help but feel bad that he couldn't tell much about himself without you already knowing it. So instead, you asked him personal questions, - things the Steve from your timeline probably had forgotten to mention as it was far in the past.

After all, you had only recently learned Steve liked to draw and was a self thought artist, - a very talented one at that. Surely there was more to know about the Steve in front of you.

"Tell me...about your biggest fear, Steve. What makes you scared the most?" You asked. The question had put him on the spot, but you were curious.

After the blip and Steve had claimed you as his girlfriend, you had asked this question to him once. You had been restless like the rest of the world, wondering how you could move onward after something so catastrophic. You had a hard time finding your place in the new ordered world, and with that you developed new fears. Did a hero like Steve also have similar fears? Steve hadn't really answered that question when asked, only muttering something along the lines of 'I don't know...no possible fear of mine can top what has happened anyway.'

"That's an interesting question." Steve started, "Uh, I suppose...being useless is my biggest fear. Me being gifted with the super soldier serum in hopes of bringing justice to the world has made me think of what other importance I would have once justice is served. I want to be of good use, but what more use do I have once the world is all good?"

You gave it a thought for a moment, reaching out to hold his hand as you held your gaze, "Steve...you want the world to be a good place, right?"

Steve nodded without hesitation, returning the grip affectionately, "Of course I do. I know it might sound like I don't with what I just said but...well, it's hard putting words to how I feel without sounding a little selfish.."

You hummed, smiling reassuringly. "That's fine, I understand. Realistically speaking, the world will never be such anyway. With rising good also rises evil. There's no stopping it no matter how much we endorse good, so you don't have to worry about ending up as only a mere symbol of justice. There will always be work to do all over the world." You said. "And even if major threats such as HYDRA don't rise up again, you being there for people and giving them a reason to keep fighting will serve a purpose in itself. No one is ever useless if they contribute keeping peace around the world."

Steve smiled, looking down at your hands as he intertwined his fingertips in yours. "You're right. I think...I'm letting my insecurities get the better of me, but hearing something so reasonable helps a lot. Hearing that from you especially is...reassuring, for reasons I shall not mention in public." He said, suppressing a grin as he looked behind him cautiously.

You shook your head in midst of laughing. Steve was full of humor despite an ongoing war happening. He has made you laugh in numerous occasions and you haven't been together for that long. You really, really liked him, you had realized, - 'like' was perhaps an understatement.

The following weeks consisted of a routine of which you quickly got used to. Through most of the day you would observe what the Howling Commandos were up to, hanging around Steve's arm when you were allowed to invade space.

Thankfully you hadn't run into Peggy as she had her own separate schedule to follow. It wasn't like you were scared of bumping into her, but you couldn't handle an awkward conversation with that woman, where it would break down to the fact that you were the reasoning for Steve 'friend-zoning' her.

A wicked part of you took pride of reclaiming Steve's attention from Peggy, but you knew it wasn't Peggy who you should be mad at for what Steve from your timeline did. He chose to go back to her, and she was long dead when he made that decision. There was no way you were going to make enemies with her, - it would be too pitiful of you.

You stayed another two weeks in Delaware base, Steve and his soldiers following through their routines before you set course to Houston military base Texas, taking 3 days to get to by train. The beginning of December welcomed you in your arrival, and there you were to prepare for your transportation to Europe where the Howling Commandos would continue their mission of putting down the remaining HYDRA bases, as well as taking HYDRA down all together.

Dr Zola and Johann Schmidt - otherwise known as the Red Skull were still out there somewhere, and there was no doubt that the HYDRA ideology would be kept alive if they were left loose.

You knew that for a fact that it would anyway, knowing Dr Zola would make his way through S.H.I.E.L.D and contribute in compromising the agency.

When you were alone, you kept yourself occupied with Genesis, reading through upcoming events. While most events were insignificant, there was a particular event that had caught your eye, making your blood turn cold.

January 4th, 1945. - James Buchanan Barnes presumed death by accident mid-mission of capturing Dr Zola.

Oh no...

This was one of the biggest life changing events of Steve's life and it was approaching within weeks.

You tried not to let it haunt you too much. There was still time to consider how you were to interfere in that situation, - if you were to interfere at all. You didn't want to worry Steve either, especially when Christmas was around the corner.

The Christmas celebration was simple, yet so lively because of the soldiers. You could spot cheap, - clumsily put together Christmas decorations everywhere around the base, but it had its own charm. The real Christmas spirit came from the people you were surrounded with. You made small talk with the members of the Howling Commandos, - members such as Dum Dum who you knew was a well respected man among them. He was keen on having you share about your relationship with 'The Captain', but you only responded like a smartass, giving away little input about it. He was halfway drunk and didn't seem to mind though, - only finding you entertaining.

As you gained more attention from the members, Steve saved you by pulling you away, asking you, "May I dance with you, miss?"

You smirked, "Can you even dance, Captain?"

"If you take the lead, I might get the hang of it." Steve answered cockily, his confidence sparked from the 6 glasses of whiskey he drank. While alcohol barely affected his soberness, it sure made him feel lighter from his usual nervousness.

You found yourselves matching to the rhythm of the music being played by the musicians on stage, - classical Christmas carols being played on repeat. While it wasn't perfect dancing and unorthodox of you to take the lead as a woman, you enjoyed yourselves, occasionally laughing at how silly you were being. It wasn't like you were the only ones being silly, - half of the people dancing were drunk and making a fool of themselves too. It was all harmless fun.

No gifts were exchanged, but the free turkey serving made up for a pleasant Christmas celebration at a military base. After a couple of shots, your drunk self grew sleepy and Steve being the gentleman he is brought you back safely to your room.

Of course you didn't let him leave you too easily as your arms clung to him, begging him to stay. He couldn't resist you even if he tried.

The day after came and you were leaving for Europe. While dealing with your day after hangover, you made sure you had everything with you, most importantly Genesis and the suitcase which had the Stark industries logo removed by you for some time. Steve had you close to him, from when you first packed your stuff till boarding of the aircraft. He was also with you for the duration of the whole flight, sitting beside you and only turning to Bucky a few times who sat behind you for short conversations.

You didn't miss the exchanged smirks between the two men, making you internally laugh at how boyish they were being. It was the equivalent of two high school girls being excited for the other over a text from a crush. You decided to be bold and lean your head on Steve's shoulder, pretending you were going to take a nap. The sound of someone choking on their spit came from behind and you snorted, something that went unnoticed by Steve as he tried not to turn red again.

Snickers and chuckles from the soldiers sitting aisles back became background noise of the loud turboprop sound, and Steve couldn't do much other than bear it for the sake of you 'resting'.

The time of the long flight passed quicker than you anticipated, and you now found yourselves in northern Italy, in the very same country where the Howling Commandos made their first print.

People were held busy as, according to Steve, this area had been reclaimed from HYDRA only months ago, and now they were enforcing the place to make sure it stays that way.

Steve led you to a huge tent, which was personally set up to accommodate members of the Howling Commandos. That left less privacy than previously, but it wasn't like you and Steve had plans to go about your sexual conquests around this time. For the two of you, it only meant you had to go elsewhere to talk, to prevent slipping out confidential information.

That was why when everything was dropped by your designated bunker beds, Steve led you to a nearby abandoned church, which was only down a trail of the military base. While there was no power when you stepped inside, there were candles lighten up by the huge icons which gave the place a cozy vibe to it. Steve walked over and lit a candle himself, placing it carefully by the others before he sat beside you at the bench furthest back and pulled up his sketch book to draw. You watched as he started drawing a few lines while talking about all kinds of things, such as how it was for him to be here first time around when he was on U.S.O tour but then took the turn of rescuing soldiers and destroying the first HYDRA base; the foundation of him becoming the hero, - Captain America.

He had a smile plastered on his face as he talked passionately about how it was to finally be of use and rescue the soldiers, which also founded the Howling Commandos. How he was thankful for being able to save his best friend from whatever HYDRA was going to do with him.

Oh that's right...Bucky received HYDRA's mild super soldier serum at the HYDRA base in Anzano... Did Steve not know this now? You began to wonder. Seems like he didn't.

You moved the conversation forward before you considered speaking up about that, and a sudden question popped in your mind.

"Where has Peggy been all this time?"

"She's been around when we were in Delaware and Houston, though I believe she's in New York now, with Harold Stark. We had claimed HYDRA technology last time we were here and it was taken back to America for inspection." Steve shared the information he had on top of his head. "Why do you ask?"

You shrugged, "I don't know, I guess I'm surprised I haven't bumped into her once...she wasn't with us at the Christmas gathering."

"She was there." Steve clarified, which made you stiffen. "I suppose you didn't notice her. She only came by to wish us a merry Christmas before she went on her way."

"Does she know who I am? That it's me you're mingling with?"

"She hasn't asked after your name or any of that, but I can only guess she knows it's you since you're the only other woman here doing active service...she knows I'm not getting myself out there so she might put two and two together.." He closed his sketch book just then, putting it aside as he gave you full attention. "Why so curious about her all of a sudden?"

"No particular reason...I've been mentally preparing myself for the moment we inevitably meet each other, and I'm just surprised it has lasted so long without it ever coming." You explained.

Steve chuckled at that, pulling you into his embrace as he gave the top of your head a kiss. "She's not going to bite your head off if that's what you're worried about...if anything I imagine you two getting along well. You're both strong, highly intelligent women, it would only be natural."

You huffed and rolled your eyes, "I'm not scared of her. It's just weird you know...to be within reach of the woman I envied for two years because I learned she has something I don't have..."

"Hm.." Steve hummed quietly. His face turned sad when he realized what the meaning behind your statement was. "I'm not going to judge you if you feel...'uncertain' about yourself...but there's nothing Peggy has of her character and appearance that is superior to your own." Steve assured while stroking your back. "I have been thinking about it a lot about your situation and...I may have worked up a theory based on some logic, if I can call it that...I think the reason Steve from the future left was because the lack of belonging and familiarity, as well as him thinking too much about what he had potentially missed out on...he didn't have anyone tell him what he had to prepare himself for. That there would be a matter of time-traveling to the future. That is what makes our situation so different. I know some of the basics of what will happen and to be honest...I don't feel worried about it as much as I probably should be...knowing that I'll meet you and keep being of service, and getting to see the advanced world is...exciting? It's hard to put words on it really."

"I'll agree that is the most logical reason so far...but the more I'm with you, the less am I looking for an explanation. He left and...there's that...." Your face lit up when you processed what he had said last, and you tilted your head to meet his eyes. "Do you really mean that though? You'd be excited to meet me in the future?"

"Of course, doll..." Steve confirmed softly, "If I do appear in the future, we can at least continue our relationship from there. Maybe I'll cheat with my knowledge and meet you a few years earlier, so we can hit it off together with a head start. You can show me around, help me get settled, just like I've helped you settle here. It'll all be the same, just switched up circumstances. That sounds nice, doesn't it?"

""...I appreciate you sharing that with me, Steve. But I hope you realize, it most likely won't be me you're meeting."

Steve frowned, although he was a little zoned out and the sentence hadn't fully registered in his mind, so he asked, "What do you mean?"

You decided to stand up from the bench just then, dismissively shaking head, "It's...I'll explain it another time...It's getting late don't you think? We should rest." You suggested with a tight smile.

"I mean, we had a long flight, sure but...it's only 06:30 PM?"

You became silent, only letting out a sigh as if you had held your breath a little too much during the whole conversation. Steve grew worried, and so he stood up himself to come over to you and touched your shoulder.

"Doll, what's going on? You have been acting...kind of strange, - more like different the past week. As if something is bugging you." Steve spoke observingly. "Is everything alright?"

"Steve, I..." You started as you swallowed a lump down your throat. "I checked up with Genesis about upcoming events and...something bad is going to happen soon.."

N/A One more chapter and an epilogue to go! The stakes are getting higher. >>

Feedback and reblogs are very appreciated to help me complete this story! Thank you for reading! <3

#steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #40s steve rogers x reader #captain america x y/n #captain america x you #captain america x reader #steve rogers #cevans characters #chris evans #chris evans x reader #chris evans character fanfiction #40s steve rogers

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lauriegraham01 · 9 months

Text

i'll never smile again

pairings: 40s!bucky barnes x reader, nurse!reader

summary: with you and bucky away to fight in the war, you both can't wait to come back home and begin the rest of your lives together. what's left of your plans when a mission goes sideway? could you and bucky have been born so unlucky?

w/c: 1,423

c/w: takes place in CATFA, ANGST, major character death, themes of grief

a/n: this has taken me the longest to edit, not sure if im completely satisfied with the ending but it's enough. hope u enjoy, lmk if you like :)

Time of death: 14:37

You hang your head low in defeat, the death of another soldier baring on your soul. There truly was only so much that you could do. He had come in completely mutilated from barbed wire and eyes blinded form tear gas. With limited options, you and your team of fellow nurses ensured that he could be comfortable for his passing. One of the other nurses raises the white sheet to cover his face, and you gather yourself to move on to the next patient.

You had joined the army nurse corps a little over a year ago. There was news that we were loosing soldiers faster than we could kill enemies and you decided to join the war effort, believing you could do some good for your country. Nothing prepared you for the horrors you faced daily, the chaos and death that surrounded your every breath.

However you weren't alone in your pain. Your two best friends, Steve and Bucky had too joined the war. They along with the rest of the Howling Commandos were going on missions targeting Hydra bases. There was only so much they could tell you, but the little they did still left you uneasy. It just seemed so dangerous and you worried about the both of them- especially Bucky.

Bucky and you had only been dating for two years when news of the U.S. joining the war broke out. Yet after a lifetime of friendship you felt like he knew you better than anyone else in this world. You two had agreed that when the war was over, you would finally get married. These days it was your future plans with Bucky that gave you the strength to survive the war. That, along with the letters that he sent. Writing in detail about what missions he and Steve were on and how things were looking on his side of the war.

The rest of the day had passed by in a haze. By the time you returned to the nurses quarter on base, you feel the full weight of the day in the way that your back aches. Upon looking in the mirror you wince at the amount of blood that's caked into your face and hands. A shower lifts your spirits as you feel the stress from the day drain along with the water. Stepping back into the sleeping barracks, you squeeze past the crowd of nurses until you reached your cot. As you tuck your uniform away you see a letter placed on the pillow. Lifting it up with curiosity, you flip the envelope and a smile tugs at your lips.

Bucky.

You tear open the letter eagerly, it had only been a week since you had last heard from him but it felt like eternity waiting between letters. Unfolding the pages within your hand you read each line carefully, hearing his voice with each word, imagining as though he were reading it to you. As he told you about his latest mission, fear threatened to creep its way into your heart. Yet as you got to the last page, you inhaled a sharp breath- the world around you seeming to go quiet in that moment.

“Doll, I’ve done enough thinking, and I know what I want. I’ve loved you for a lifetime. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I know that there's no one else for me but you, y/n. I wish I could ask this in person but I cannot go another day without you knowing how much you mean to me. When the war is over we’ll get married and I’ll grow flowers like you, and your womb will carry the most beautiful girl in the universe. Make me the happiest man alive - will you marry me?”

You fell backwards onto your bed and closed your eyes, Bucky's words burned into your mind. Tears began to well up at your eyes as your heart soared at Bucky's proposal. Bucky wanted to build a life with you. You began to imagine your wedding day. The familiar faces that would gather to celebrate your love, what it would be like to become the mother to his children, and to be able to grow old with him. As you thought about this, you couldn't contain your excitement anymore. Hastily rising from bed, you make your way to the center of the room before grabbing the attention of your fellow nurses.

"I'm getting married!" You shouted, all the nurses turned to look at you before ensuing in cheerful screams. They all congratulated you and gave you and Bucky well wishes for the future.

As you and the nurses were still caught in the excitement of the news, you were suddenly interrupted when a knock rang on the barracks front door.

As everyone scurried to stand in formation, you felt relieved when you saw that it was Steve and Peggy who had walked through the door.

"Officer y/n, would you please come with us for just a moment?" Peggy speaks up.

Stepping out of formation, you grab your coat as you follow behind the two, stepping out in the cold winter air.

"Steve!"

"Angel." He coos as he brings you in for a hug. It had been about 8 months since you'd last seen him. While you were happy to see him, you were slightly taken aback to see him here.

"What on earth are you two doing here?" You breath out as you go to pull away from his embrace. When Steve's grip on you suddenly tightens, you're slightly confused. Looking up at Peggy and seeing the solemn look on her face you know that something was wrong.

“Steve?”

"I'll give you two a minute." Peggy excuses herself, making her way toward the field to give us some privacy.

“Steve, hey, hey, what's going on?" As he finally lets you go you look up into his eyes to see that they were glossy with tears threatening to spill over.

“Hey,” you hook a finger underneath his chin fixing his gaze from the ground onto you, "talk to me. I'm here, what's wrong?"

“It’s Bucky, he’s… he’s gone.”

A dreadful weight settles deep in the pit of your stomach as Steve looks at you in a way he's never before. So full of regret and heartache. You search his face for any type of deceit, any indication that what he said had been a terrible lie and that Bucky was alright- but to your avail you could find none.

Steve went on about the mission leading up to Bucky's final moments but it fell on deaf ears as your mind was anything but tethered to this reality.

"No, no." You mumble underneath your breath as you stumble backwards a bit.

"Woah-hey," Steve grabs a hold onto you, steadying your grounding. "I'm so sorry y/n."

“He can’t be gone," your voice comes out strained in a high pitch, "he just can’t be.” Your vision blurred as the crushing weight of reality settled within your head and within your heart.

Bucky was gone- for real this time. There was no rescuing him, there was no saving him.

You felt Steve wrap his arms around you as you buried your head into his chest. That seemed to be the tipping edge as before you knew it a sob began to wrack out of your lips. You cried for all the plans you've made. For the memories and time now stolen from you.

"We were supposed to get married." You manage to choke out between ragged breaths.

"I know, angel," he said softly. "I know."

When you returned to the barracks, it was lights out and you wanted nothing more than to go to sleep and wake up from this terrible nightmare. You found it cruel how the last time you were within these walls you were an engaged woman, and now you return a widow. Memories of Bucky plagued your every thought as your own grief made you restless, sleep evading you.

Bucky and you had shared a lifetime of memories. Growing into the versions of yourselves that both of you had come to love. Now they'll forever be a hole left where the rest of the story should have been written. When you return home, you'll return a widow. You'll never be able to hold him, to touch him, to marry him, have a family with him-

"I'll never love again", you thought to yourself. "There's no getting over you."

#40s bucky #bucky barnes #marvel #mcu #marvel fanfiction #bucky angst #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes x y/n #sebastian stan #40s bucky x reader

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chloelucia13 · 2 years

Text

Not Your Doll

Pairing: 40′s!Bucky Barnes x reader

Prompt: Being sent out to England in the midst of a war was terrifying, but you didn’t expect that to be the least of your worries the moment your eyes met his (baed off the song “Peter” by Daughter)

Warnings: angst, some fluff, language, mentions of violence, descriptions of injuries, war scenarios, flashbacks in italics

A/N: I’ve had this idea in my head for a while and I thought it would be a perfect (And a little late) submission for @pellucid-constellations love letters writing challenge! I hope you all enjoy, and as always, my inbox, requests, and taglists are open!

You can’t remember what a warm shower felt like.

The steam billowing in the air, the heavy rivulets of water soothing over your skin as you melted under the stream. The things you’d taken for granted.

That longing ache settled in your bones as you made your way through the muddy path that connected the showers to the large canvas tents that were considered your barracks.

It had been the fourth time that week that your mind filled in the rasp of Bucky’s voice calling out your name, your ears perking up even though you knew that he wasn’t there.

Two weeks had gone by since Bucky, along with 200 other soldiers, went missing in action while infiltrating a nazi base. Everything on-base had become stagnant, waiting with baited breath for them to come back and nearly suffocating in the meantime. Nothing had come back, not even a body. You wondered if they were sitting in cramped makeshift prison cells, praying for their rescue or their death. If they weren’t dead already.

You didn’t miss him. Of course you didn’t. He was a nuisance, a teasing young boy who liked to see how many hearts he could hold in his hands before they fell to the rain-soaked ground. His dazzling smile and glimmering ocean eyes made him like a siren, luring unsuspecting girls in and eating them alive.

That’s the only reason you felt his absence, you told yourself. It’s a drastic change from him being a constant presence to him disappearing altogether. It’s understandable.

There was a small commotion in the tent to your right, in which you could see Colonel Philips and Peggy Carter gathered around a typewriter, arguing with an unfamiliar man.

Just days later, there was another commotion. A much larger one.

From the slit in your tent flap, you watched soldier after soldier sprint past, followed by shouts that seemed joyful. After a moment or two, you followed them.

Coming up the hill was a flood of at least 200 men in varying states of health, each of them following in close step behind none other than the unfamiliar man from days ago and James Buchanan Barnes himself.

A crowd gathered around them, including multiple other nurses who immediately began dragging the most injured soldiers to the tents. But you couldn’t move, stuck in a state of shock as you stared at the dirty and bloody, but otherwise very alive, man who you were sure was as good as dead.

The boom of his voice pulled you from your stupor and you stomped through the crowd, straight towards him.

As soon as his eye caught your form, a signature dazzling smile spread across his face. “Y/N, doll,” he sighed, placing a hand over his heart purely for the drama of it all.

“I’m not your doll, sergeant,” you spat, shooting him a glare as you tutted your chin at him from just inches away.

The wailing siren grew closer as you finished pinning your nurse cap in place. It stopped just in front of the tent, and just a moment later, in came a man with such a swagger in his step that you questioned how dire his need for medical assistance was.

Swiftly, you scooped up the dog tags on his neck and read over the name. “James Buchanan Barnes. What’s the issue, soldier?” you voiced, doing a quick once over of his body to look for any visible broken bones or blood spots.

“It’s sergeant, doll,” he hummed, the corners of his lips tilting upwards.

You hummed, turning away from him and rifling through the medical supplies to your immediate right. “Address me by my proper title and I’ll address you by yours.”

“What’s your injury level?” came your voice once more, lips pursed impatiently.

“Oh, nurse, I think I might need a check up. Got banged up pretty bad back there.” The way he looked down at you due to your proximity didn’t make you feel as small as it usually does. It felt... comforting, if you dare say it.

You let out a sigh. “Go to the tent, I’ll be there in a moment.”

The laugh he let out was bordering on giddy as he brushed past you and made his way to the medical tent.

“Are you two close?” the unfamiliar man spoke, eyeing you slightly.

“It’d be more accurate to say that I can’t stand the man,” you hummed, crossing your arms over your chest. “Why do you ask, Mr...”

“Steve Rogers. Captain America.”

“Hmm, so you’re the Hitler-puncher I’ve been hearing so much about from back home. I guess you live up to your stage name, Captain.”

“Steve is just fine, ma’am.”

“You still haven’t answered my question, Steve.”

“Oh. Um, Bucky and I are friends. Knew each other since we were kids.”

“So you know how much of a menace he is?”

He let out a chuckle, albeit a bit awkward. “I’m definitely aware of that, yes. Especially around girls he likes.”

“So you’re implying that he likes every girl on-base.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised, to be frank.”

***

The creation of the lost boys, as you liked to call them, took place shortly after Steve’s rescue of each of its members. Day and night, the men would be tucked away in a secret location in the city, identifying each of the bases that they needed to take down and determining the best plan of action.

You were confused, to say the least, when you were called to join them after a few days, a car arriving at the base first thing in the morning to take you to their new hideaway.

None of the men seemed to notice your presence as you tucked yourself away into the corner of the room, silently listening to their chatter and trying to ignore the incessant conversations that were happening elsewhere as you gnawed on a hangnail. Your unknown presence didn’t last for long, though, as Bucky leaned back to stretch and caught your eye, lips immediately cracking into a smile.

“There you are, doll! Came just in time!” he hummed, rising to his feet and rushing over to you at an almost-alarming speed.

“Not your doll, sergeant,” you chided, giving him a bewildered look when his fingers laced through yours before he dragged you over to the table. “May I ask why I’m here?”

“I recommended ya!” He sat you in the vacant chair next to his. “What, you really think we’re all gonna go out and kill nazis and try to patch ourselves up? We’d die before we could even hit the road, doll.”

“So you need me to be your own personal nurse?”

“Well that, and my ma always told me that every strong team has an even stronger woman keeping everyone in line, and I know that you’d be perfect for that.”

You couldn’t help but give him a small smile. “Your mother sounds like a smart woman.”

That glimmering look in his eyes seemed to fade for a moment before Steve spoke, drawing your attention. “The position is optional,” he informed you. “You definitely don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”

You realized that you were nodding in confirmation without even thinking about it.

It was because you wanted to leave the base, you told yourself. You wanted to travel around Europe and see the beautiful scenery, even though there was a less-than-beautiful reason as to why you were traveling.

It wasn’t because of the way that Bucky was looking at you, almost pleading through his eyes. It wasn’t because you were scared of having him out of your sight.

No, that wasn’t it at all.

“I’ll do it.”

The rest of the meeting zoomed by quickly, and Bucky was nearly buzzing in his seat by the time everything wrapped up.

“We’re going out on the town tonight, doll,” he told you as he took your hand and helped you rise from your seat. “I’d love it if you joined us.”

You looked at him wearily. “I don’t know, sarge. I-I don’t even think I have a dress to wear-”

“We’re in the city, doll! Why don’t you go shopping for one? Maybe Peggy will even go with you!”

You tilted your head at him. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re extremely adamant?”

He sighed. “Just... Think about it, will you?”

“Fine, sarge. I’ll think about it.”

Truth be told, it didn’t even take all of that convincing for you to cave in, already trying to recall how much money you had in your purse as he was speaking.

***

Your arrival at the bustling pub made your nerves skyrocket, smoothing down the front of your dress as Peggy appeared by your side.

“Well, don’t you look nice,” she hummed, nudging your shoulder with hers. “Any reason for you getting all... dolled up?”

Her pun didn’t go unnoticed by you, and you rolled your eyes. “No, actually,” you nearly hissed. “Just thought I’d treat myself to something nice.”

“Shall we go inside, then?” Without waiting for a response, she hooked her arm with yours and led the two of you into the pub.

The silence that blanketed the once-rowdy crowd made your insides stir and you wanted to shrink in on yourself, but Peggy stood there proudly, eyes flickering over the room before settling on Steve. Then, from the very back corner, a “Hello, nurse!” was bellowed, and you let out an annoyed sigh, reminding yourself of where exactly you were. Surrounded by bumbling drunks that were searching for anything with breasts and a pulse.

“You’d think they’d have their wits together by now considering this isn’t the first time they’ve seen me like this,” Peggy sighed as she made her way over to Steve, eyeing him warily while you trailed behind her.

“I think any pretty thing they see now is enough to send them into cardiac arrest,” you hummed in response, chuckling. “Got too used to all of the disgusting parts of life.”

“And I’d be happy to die that way,” Bucky spoke up, appearing behind you with a smirk evident in his voice. “You’d be the one to cause it, though. And let me tell you, I might need to you check my heart right now.”

You spun on your heel to face him, arching a brow at him. “Is that so, sergeant?”

“Absolutely, doll. Prettiest damn girl I’ve ever seen, if I do say so myself.”

You scoffed, turning back around and making your way to the bar, leaning your elbows against the wooden counter. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

He chuckled to himself, shaking his head slightly before settling in beside and waving to the bartender. “What are you drinking tonight?”

You pulled your shoulders up in a shrug. “Not very well-versed in the world of drinks.”

“His eyes traced over the profile of your face before he nodded. “Do ya trust me?”

A smirk tugged at your lips, slightly turning to face him just barely. “That depends on the circumstance. On the battlefield? Absolutely. With my heart? Not a chance.”

“How about with my taste in alcohol?”

You caught your lower lip between your teeth as you pondered for a moment. “I guess we’ll have to find out, don’t we?”

The radiant smirk that spread across his face made your stomach do flips, but you kept your gaze steady on a spot beside his head as he ordered a drink for you. “Do you dance, doll?”

“I’m afraid that I’ve got two left feet.” You gave the bartender a gracious smile as he slid you your drink, taking a sip of it.

“Aw, I doubt that. Just gotta get some practice in.” He leaned in close and nudged you with his shoulder, his breath warm on your cheek. “How’s your drink.”

You slowly turned to face him, your words momentarily catching in your throat when you noticed just how close he was to you. You could see the swirls of grey and cerulean that swam in his eyes, framed by fluttering lashes and surrounding quickly-expanding pupils. “It’s good. Thank you.”

The white of his teeth cracked through his smooth pink lips and he directed his gaze to the bartender, instructing him to keep them coming.

“Oh, sarge,” you sighed, nervously flitting your gaze over to your drink. “I don’t know if I have the money for that.”

“Don’t worry about it. It’s my treat. And besides, you gotta have a bit of confidence in your system.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because you’re gonna dance with me!”

As you lifted the glass up to your lips, your eyes narrowed at him. “Oh, I am?”

He chuckled, his hand settling on the small of your back. “Finish your drink and you’ll find out.”

You rolled your eyes but obliged, downing the rest of the liquid with a small grimace before turning your body and your attention to him. “You better not drop me.”

“I’d never dream of it, doll.” His hand shifted from your back and slid into your own hand, squeezing it tight before pulling you onto the dance floor. As if on cue, slow jazz began to fill the building as he positioned the two of you, his eyes never leaving yours as you two began to sway.

“So, what’s the occasion for all of this?”

“We’re headed out to Austria tomorrow. Everyone thought it’d be nice to have a going away party of sorts.”

“And the dancing?”

He beamed. “Just wanted to spend some quality time with my best girl.”

You rolled your eyes, but the heat that flooded your cheeks didn’t go unnoticed by you. “That’s a new one. Thought I was just your doll, sarge.”

“But I thought you weren’t my doll, doll.”

A huff, bordering on a chuckle, left your lips and you shook your head. “I’m gonna get another drink.”

As you slipped out of his grasp, his hand reached out to grab your forearm. “Aw, come on! We were doing so well! Just one more song?”

“Later, sarge. I’m a little parched.”

With an amused sigh, he released his grip on your arm, letting you walk back towards the bar as he stood with a feigned forlorn look on the dance floor all by himself.

One drink turned to two and when you realized that your vision was bleary and the room was spinning, a glass of water was slid towards you. You gulped it down gratefully and closed your eyes as you tried to keep the nausea at bay.

You truly couldn’t distinguish how much time had passed between the dance with Bucky and now, but you figured it had been a while since your legs were tingling with numbness.

You pressed the cool glass against your face and slowly turned to look over the room, eyes lazily flickering from one detail to the next before zeroing in on the makeshift dance floor.

A heavy rock settled harshly in your stomach, nearly sending the alcohol and your rations up and out of your body.

Bucky gleefully swung a pretty blonde from side to side, her dress fluttering gracefully around the two of them as they danced with a vigor that you never could possess.

A pretty, dandelion yellow dress.

The same dress that you wore. Same exact style, probably even bought from the same store. But it looked so much better on her. It fit her body better, and the yellow complimented her skin in a way that it just didn’t with you.

You could nearly hear her giggle as he spun her around before pulling her close to his chest, standing so close that their panted breaths were mingling and his eyes were focused on nothing else but her.

His best girl. His doll.

You scoffed, forcefully darting your gaze away and chugging down the rest of your water before stumbling to your feet. With a strong grip on the bar counter, you searched through the room until you spotted Peggy and Steve tucked away into a private corner, and you launched yourself towards them.

“I wanna go home,” you mumbled as soon as they were within earshot, hands catching onto the back of a chair and holding yourself up for dear life.

“What, why?” Peggy spoke, looking over you worriedly. “Are you drunk?” “I want to go home,” you repeated, the venom in your words getting slurred.

“Did something happen?” Steve questioned, brows furrowed with concern as he rose to his feet and helped steady you.

“I don’ wanna talk about it. Just wanna go home. I’ll walk if I have to.”

“No, no, you’re not walking.” Steve’s gaze nervously flickered over to Peggy, who just shrugged. “We were all planning on staying until four or so so we could sleep on the way up to Austria.”

“Captain, I sincerely don’t give a fuck. I’m going back to base one way or another.”

“I’ll take her,” a voice behind you announced, and a grimace made its way onto your face.

“Like hell you are. I’m walking home.”

You yanked yourself out of Steve’s grip, only to stumble the minute you lost the stability of his hold and nearly collapsed to the floor. Another set of hands caught you by your hips and pulled you against him. “C’mon, doll,” Bucky hummed, securely holding you in his grasp and walking you out the door.

“’m not your fucking doll, James,” you hissed, dragging your feet.

“James? That’s new.”

“You think I’m stupid, don’t you?” As soon as you two were outside, you ripped yourself away from him, catching yourself on the pub’s wall as you shot a glare at him.

“Of course not. Why would you ever think that?”

“You think I’m some dumb naive girl who’ll fall for you so that you can use me. But I’m not. You can’t use me. I know who you are. And I know I’m not your fucking doll.”

He rushed over to you, his eyes so full of an anguish that you couldn’t notice in your drunken state. “You’re not any of those things. And I would never, ever use you. You’re my best girl.”

“Oh, bullshit. I’m not even your girl. You seem to have no problem finding whatever girl you want, and I bet you tell them that, too. Did you tell that to the girl back in the pub?”

“What girl?” “The girl you were dancing with! That-that girl wearing the same dress as me! What, do all of these girls just blur together?”

As one of the military vehicles pulled up to the curb, you shoved Bucky away from you and stumbled towards it. “Y/N-”

“No, James. Go back inside. Leave me the fuck alone.”

Tears swam in Bucky’s eyes as he watched you clamber your way into the car, slamming the door closed without even glancing back at him.

***

Abiding to your wishes, Bucky stayed away from you.

It had been months since you two had spoke, and it was killing him. You were so close, sometimes just arm’s length away from him, but still so far. He longed so terribly to hold you, kiss you, love you with everything he had in him.

But he was a good man, and he didn’t want to make you unhappy. And, if leaving you alone made you happiest, then that was exactly what he was going to do.

Little did he know, you were just as torn up inside.

You didn’t like him, no, not at all. You were in love with him. So horribly, terribly in love with him that you didn’t realize just how much it pained you to be so far from him until you forced the wedge between you two yourself.

You couldn’t decide which was worse: having to patch him up silently after missions gone awry, touching his skin so delicately that it made your hands shake, or seeing the shattered look on his face when you’d finish up on bandaging him and rushing away from him because you knew that if you lingered for even a second, you couldn’t force yourself to leave.

There were nights when you’d lay awake, tucked away with the Howlies in a safe house or other hideaway that you all had stumbled upon, feeling the cold creep into your bones and possess your mind to think of things that would make you warm. Almost always, it wandered to Bucky. Having his arms around you, his warm breath fanning over your skin, the heavy lull of sleep pulling you both under as you held each other close.

When you woke in the morning, Bucky would be where he always was, in his makeshift bed just feet from you.

You figured that night would go the same way.

That was until the group of men came crashing in through the front door of the safe house, dragging a limp-legged Bucky inside with their arms tucked underneath his.

You cleared off the dinner table and instructed them to lay him down on it and grab your first aid kit all while you filled a bowl with water and soaked a washcloth.

“What the hell happened?” you snapped, setting the bowl down to undo the buttons on his shirt and jacket to get to the wound that was incessantly oozing blood.

“We were ambushed,” Steve explained, fishing the tools out of your bag that he knew you would need. “Lost track of Buck, and he got roughed up real bad.”

“Roughed up? He’s been shot, Steve.” You scrubbed the blood away from his skin with the washcloth, wringing it out again and again until the bowl held more blood than water. One of the men swooped in to replace it, but you were too focused in on Bucky’s injuries to know who. With the clean-ish washcloth, you held it over the weeping bullet wound on his side, earning a weak groan from him. “Good, you’re conscious. Stay that way, please. I’m all out of smelling salts.”

“How bad is it?” Bucky slurred, attempting to sit up before you forced his head back down.

“Bad enough. Luckily it doesn’t look like it hit anything vital, so you’ll just need stitched up and then you’re good to go.”

“You’re not gonna take it out?”

“Don’t need to. It’ll probably be worse if I go rooting around in your body for it, and it won’t feel good either.”

He nodded. “Thanks, doll.”

You couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at your lips, taking the needle and thread from Steve. “Does it hurt?”

He shrugged, his tongue darting out to wet his chapped lips as he stared up at the ceiling. “Not that bad.”

You nodded. “Good, that’s good. I’m gonna get started on your stitches now, okay?”

“Okay.”

After threading the needle, you got to work, trying to suture him as quickly and efficiently as possible before the guilt that rose from his pained noises swallowed you whole. “Okay, okay, last one. It’s almost done.” You pulled the needle through one last time and tied the thread before snipping it. “All done. Just need to patch it up and you’re all good to go.”

Your gaze rose to the spot where Steve once was, only to find it vacant, save for the gauze and medical tape that sat on the table. It seemed that all of the men left some time ago, the dining area completely desolate other than you and Bucky. Confusion sat on your shoulders as you layered the gauze over the stitches and taped it down.

Alright,” you sighed out, grabbing the now-cold washcloth and wiping off your bloodied hands. “Anything else hurting you?”

“My heart hurts, doll,” he rasped, his hand tentatively raising and reaching out for you.

Panic flooded over your features, hands immediately skimming over his bare chest until they felt the thudding heartbeat under his skin. “What? What’s wrong?”

He chuckled. “I missed you, doll. My heart hurts because I missed you.”

A huff puffed out of your nose as your jaw tightened. “Jesus, James, you scared the shit out of me.”

“Y/N.” His hands found their place over yours, drawing your attention to them before lifting your gaze up to his face. “I missed you.”

“Stop. Don’t say that. Don’t...” You yanked your hands out from under his and ran them through your hair, turning on your heel. “Please, I can’t do it.”

From behind you, the table began to creak, and you looked over your shoulder to see Bucky sliding off of it and barely catching himself with his hands on the ledge. You rushed back over to him, wrapping your arms around his torso to steady him. “See, doll? I’m literally falling for ya,” he teased, a little breathlessly, one of his hands migrating upwards to cup your cheek. “What do you mean you can’t do it? You can’t let me love you?”

Your brows knit together in anguish and you searched his eyes. “No, James. I can’t. It’s too big of a risk.”

“Why?”

“Because I-” You sucked in a stuttering breath. “I gave in before, and it got me hurt. I can’t do it again.”

He matched your anguished expression at your words. “Is this about that night?” At your nod, he let out a sigh, his warm fingers tracing over the apple of your right cheek. “Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.”

“I bet she’s perfect for you,” you rasped, tugging your lower lip between your teeth. “I mean, she looked better in that dress than I did. And I bet she doesn’t have a big mouth she’s a proper girl and-and she isn’t fucking destroyed by what she’s seen from this war.”

“No, you’re perfect for me. God, doll, you’re everything I could ever want. Prettiest damn girl I’ve ever seen, and that’s not even the half of it. I love your big mouth and your improperness and I love you despite all that you’ve seen. You’re the one for me, I’m sure of it.” The heavy thump of his heart in his chest made him swear that you could hear it, but secretly, he hoped you did. He hoped you could hear the blood that coursed through his veins only for you. “And I wanna show you just how much you mean to me, if you’ll let me.”

You’d never realized that ‘weak in the knees’ was a real feeling until then.

With a deep breath, and avoiding the wound on his stomach, you entwined your arms tightly around him and rested your head against his chest, listening to that thumping heartbeat like it was a melody. “Let’s get you to bed, Sarge. I think you’re a little loopy from the blood loss,” you whispered, holding him close for just a moment longer before pulling away and slinging his arm over your shoulder to assist him over to his bed.

His heavy, dragging footsteps echoed through the hollow house, washing away the sound of your staggered breaths. However, he barely leaned any of his weight on you, using whatever energy he had left to hold himself steady to avoid weighing you down. “Will you lay with me?” he hummed as the two of you reached his portion of the floor layered with old blankets and flat pillows.

Slowly, you helped lower him down onto the blankets, purposely staying silent but concealing it as concentration on making him as comfortable as possible. “Sarge-”

“C’mon, pretty girl. Just one night?”

You pursed your lips and stuffed a pillow underneath his hips to keep his wound elevated, avoiding his gaze. “Will you be good?”

He smirked, reaching out and grabbing your arm, pulling you down with him and placing your head on his chest. “Of course I will, doll. When am I not?”

A small hum left your lips, but you made no effort to pull away. “Just one night, sarge. That’s it.”

***

It wasn’t only one night.

Both of you quickly realized that being in each other’s company at night made the following day better, brighter. Whether that was due to the sleep that was finally coming or the comfort that came from being with the other, you couldn’t tell, but you loved it either way.

Of course, it didn’t help with your growing infatuation with the man, but with how clearly entranced Bucky was by every little thing you did, and the way he held you so close and tenderly at night, you accepted that something good could come of it.

“alright, shirt off,” you instructed, scrubbing your hands under the running stream of water.

“Gosh, that sure is forward of you,” Bucky hummed, the playful grin on his lips evident in his voice as he untucked his shirt from his pants and pulled it off.

“Just trying to make sure you don’t die, sarge.” You dried your hand on a tattered scrap of cloth before tossing it to the side and heading over to him, eyes flickering over his abdomen and the already-halfway-healed bullet wound. “This is insane, Buck. It-it makes no sense.”

“Maybe all of those HYDRA experiments did have some benefits.”

You gave him a glare before redirecting your attention to the wound, gently skirting your fingers over the scab that remained. Just two weeks earlier, you had removed the stitches, and now, the wound was barely even there, apart from the scar and the minuscule scab. “When did you say the soreness stopped?”

“About a week in, I think.”

“Fascinating.” You rose to your full height as you shook your head in disbelief.

Bucky slipped his shirt back on before taking your hands in his and pulling you close to him. “I think you might just be magic, doll.”

You chuckled, tilting your head up to look into his eyes. “I think you might just be delusional, sarge.”

His eyes rolled, though a smile settled on his lips. “I think it’s because I’m so very enchanted by you, darling.”

Tugging your lower lip between your teeth, one hand slipped away from his and settled on the junction between his neck and shoulder. “Really?”

He nodded, his now-free hand grazing up the length of your back before cupping the back of your head, his fingers threaded in your locks. “Absolutely.”

The haziness in his eyes as they flickered over your features made you breathless and dizzy, absentmindedly leaning closer to him. You wondered if your eyes looked the same, lost in the beauty that he held in his face, in every ridge and bump that made him him.

You didn’t realize how much the distance shortened between you two until he bowed his head and bumped his nose against yours. “Bucky,” you whispered, the word almost hitching in your throat as his eyes lifted to yours.

“Yes?” he responded, his pulse quickening under your fingertips.

“Kiss me, please.”

He nodded breathlessly and smashed his lips against yours, tangling his fingers in your hair and tightening his grip. You sighed into his mouth, cupping his jaw and feeling the muscles below your fingertips work as he kissed you.

As the two of you melted into the kiss -into each other- Bucky wondered if you could feel the excitement buzzing through his very soul, fueled by your touch and the love he finally was able to bestow onto you.

You parted from his lips to gasp for breath, eyes slowly fluttering open to meet his gaze. He gave you a smile through his panting breaths, leaning in to press a kiss to your temple. “Don’t ever wanna leave you, doll,” he rasped, burying his nose into your hair.

“Who says you have to?” you chuckled, smoothing your fingers over his skin.

He sucked in a shuddering breath and lifted his head, searching your face. A moment later, he nodded. “Right, you’re... you’re right.”

You furrowed your brows. “What’s wrong? You seem uneasy.”

A strange look washed over his face, so quickly that you almost missed it, but it made your stomach turn. “We’re supposed to be taking down a HYDRA-run train, early in the morning. I’ve just had... a strange feeling about it. Guess I’m a little out of it, I guess.”

“Are you scared that something will happen?” He shrugged. “I guess so. But I don’t want to worry you about it. It’ll all be okay.”

You nodded, squeezing his hand. “Now you’ve got something you have to come back to.”

His lips quirked upwards and he pulled you into a hug. “You’ve always been the thing I have to come back to.”

***

He never came back.

And you knew no matter how much you screamed at Steve, clung to his jacket when sobs overtook your body as you cursed him for letting Bucky die, it wouldn’t bring him back. It wouldn’t fill the hole in your chest that he dug for himself to fit into, wouldn’t change the fact that the man you loved so much was now laying dead at the base of a mountain, snow slowly falling over him until it’d eventually cover him up.

Then, of course, Steve had to leave you, too. The only man who could tell you about Bucky, about who he was before you knew him, the only man that could keep you hanging onto whatever you had left of Bucky, was at the bottom of the fucking ocean.

Reluctantly, the rest of the Howling Commandos left you in that house, because after all, there was still a war to win. A war you had no reason to fight in anymore.

So, you lived off of whatever was left in that rickety old house in Austria, slept in Bucky’s old spot, and stared out the windows waiting for him to somehow come back to you. However, as your supplies slowly shrunk down to nothing and cabin fever was running rampant inside of you, you finally decided that it was time to leave.

All of your’s and Bucky’s items were packed up, and the last thing you had to do was stuff the blankets into wherever they could fit. As you stripped them apart and folded them, a piece of paper fluttered out from between two blankets.

Your heart thudded up to your throat as you stared at it, sitting so peacefully on the cold wooden floorboards despite its screaming at you. With a deep breath, you plucked it off of the floor and stared at the words scrawled across it, mind too frazzled to read it just yet.

You took a pause, squeezing your tear-soaked eyes shut before reluctantly opening them and taking in Bucky’s words.

You’re sleeping as I’m writing this. You’re a snoring little monster, but you’re so cute I just can’t wake you. I’m leaving for our mission in ten minutes. I just felt that since you won’t wake up with me there, at least you’ll have this letter.

I don’t quite know why I’ve been overcome with the urge to write this, to tell you all of this, but maybe I do. Maybe I want to get it all out, to let you know just in case I don’t come back.

But I’ll come back. I’ll always come back to you.

And when I come back, I want to kiss you and hug you and hold you so close until you get tired of me, and then I’ll hold you even tighter.

And then I want to propose. I don’t have a ring for you yet, but I promise you, I’m gonna get you the best ring money can buy. Make all of your girlfriends jealous. And I’m gonna marry you. Oh, I’m gonna marry the hell out of you. We’re gonna have a big ol’ wedding with an even bigger cake, and we’ll eat that cake for days afterward until we get sick together.

We’ll get a nice big house, right outside of the city, maybe have a few kids. You could patch them up when they fall just like you did for me. And I’ll love them, and I’ll love you with everything I have in me.

Hopefully, you found this letter on my pillow when you woke up. And hopefully, you’ll tell me yes when I come back to you.

---

Tags: @joseyrw, @raindrcpsangel, @foggyempathfireperson, @scxrletrecsmarvel, @fandoms-writings, @mugi-chwan95, @the-gods-gloted-but-they-burned

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skyfallslayer · 3 years

Text

Over The Edge and Into The Hands of Evil (One-Shot)

(Bucky x Daughter!Reader, Steve x Child!Reader)

Author Notes: For some reason my account got deleted, and then it was returned to me. But all my posts have been deleted, so I'm reposting this series. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Summary: At the age of 6, (Y/N) Barnes loses her dad to war. A few months later, she's captured by HYDRA to be their new weapon. To her shocking surprise, she isn't the only one being held hostage. But how long can she remember him for before he's wiped away? (Set after the first Captain America Movie).

MASTERLIST

Main Masterlist

Warning: Child Abuse, Blood, Vomiting, Self-Doubt, Implied/References to Depression, Unwanted Touching, Strong Language, Torture, Brainwashing, Murder, HYDRA being HYDRA, Possible Inaccurate Russian (I used Google Translate).

(Also, all Gifs are NOT mine)

(Y/N) BARNES WAS BORN ON FEBRUARY 23rd, 1940….)

...Bucky would have fallen back in shock if it wasn’t for the small bundle in his arms. His ex-girlfriend had just said some words that he didn’t need to hear right now.

No it wasn’t, ‘Can we get back together? I made a mistake’.

Or It wasn’t, ‘The Baby isn’t yours’.

No it was-

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” He asked, disbelief etched in his words. There was also a sense of anger and betrayal.

She couldn’t be serious...

Right?

He watched the woman standing in front of him roll her eyes, snatching her purse from his living room’s couch while responding, “I don’t want her. I only had her because you wanted to keep the baby after finding out I was pregnant.”

He nearly doubled over when he heard the disgust in her voice. “So you’re just going to leave?” Bucky asked, seeing his ex now putting on her winter coat. “But our daughter needs a mother figu-”

“YOUR daughter.” His ex snapped. “That baby…” She points furiously. “That baby is a spitting image of you. All the way from the shape of her face to the way she smiles. Everything. Which is fine by me, I don’t want someone looking like me out in the world.”

Bucky opened his mouth to speak as he followed her behind as she walked towards the front door. Unfortunately, she beats him to it. “As for a mother figure, you’ve got three sisters and a mom. That baby can pick up skills from them.”

She swings the door open, letting in the cold breeze of February. Snow droplets flew in, sticking to her clothes. Bucky immediately stood sideways and drew you as far away as he could from the freezing air. Was she trying to freeze you?!

“Becky!” He called out, stopping her on the porch.

She wasn’t even going to look back at him, wasn’t she? Or even look at you?

He doesn’t know why but his voice cracked, and although he and his ex relationship was always rocky, and they both knew that whatever was between them wasn’t going to work out, but he still doesn’t want her to leave him alone with a one week old.

“Come on…” He continues, quietly. “At least stay for a couple months until I can do this on my own.” His lip quivered slightly. “Please?”

He felt you shift a bit in his arms, probably from the weather, and waited for her to turn around…

But she never did.

“Goodbye, James.” Becky said, before trailing across the snow covered path to the sidewalk.

Bucky watches her disappear into the night, his feet glued to the floor even when part of his mind told him to run after her. It would be a lie if he said that he didn’t want to go after her, thinking that maybe she’ll change her mind if actually begs, but the mere thought went out the door when you started to get fussy and cry.

Something deep within him kicked in, probably that parental instincts he’s heard about from his own parents, and all his attention was turned to you cradled in a lilac colored blanket.

“Hey…” He whispered, readjust his hold so that he could gently brush their-

No.

That’s officially gone out the window.

It’s his daughter.

He readjust his hold so that he could gently brush HIS daughter’s cheek. To brush your cheek like a soft paint brush across a canvas. “Hey. Don’t cry.” He says, soothingly.

He makes a soft shushing sound as he closes the front door with his hip, before carefully guiding himself to sit near the fireplace. He lays you cautiously in his lap, almost in awe as he sees your eyes peeking open for the first time.

(Y/E/C) eyes.

So beautiful like the world itself. He almost wanted to start taking pictures.

(Maybe later though)

He chuckles sadly, tears in his own as he brushes your cheeks again. “Don’t cry. Don’t cry, I got you.” He said, smiling. “I got you, sweetie.”

You cooed quietly, staring back at him with a bit of curiosity. The look you were giving him melted his heart, but it also made him feel like he didn’t deserve it.

“I’m sorry…” He croaks, sniffling. “It looks like it’s just going to be me and you, doll. I’m so sorry.”

You made the cute sounds that took his breath away again, and if it wasn’t for his military training, he probably wouldn’t have even heard someone tumbling down the stairs. Bucky glances at the living room entrance, finding a certain skinny blond man that was his best friend. He saw his chest move slightly, and could almost hear him panting from here.

“S-Sorry.” Steve said, leaning against the frame. “Your mom sent me down here when we heard everything go quiet.”

Bucky smiled a little. “She got worried?”

“Yeah.” Steve chuckles. “She wanted to make sure you hadn’t run off with her grandchild.”

The brunette shakes his head. “That sounds like my mother.” He turns his attention back on you, but from the corner of his eye he could see his friend shifting uncomfortably, almost hesitantly, in his spot. His smile grows. “Come here.”

“What?” The blond said, genuinely confused.

“Come here, Steve. You can see her.”

He stiffens up a bit, looking unsure. “Are you… sure?” Steve asked, pointing towards the stairs in the hallway. “I-I shouldn’t be the one seeing your baby first, shouldn’t I-”

“Get your ass over here, Rogers.” Bucky said, almost wishing he could free his hand up and drag him by the ear (he was always so timid and too cautious sometimes).

With a second thought to question his best friend’s choice, Steve wandered over and took a seat on the floor next to Bucky’s chair. He leans in close, examining the small bundle in the soldier’s arms.

Steve’s big blue eyes lit up with joy. “Wow, Buck. She’s adorable.” He said, as you scrunch up your nose to show off your cute, chubby cheeks.

“She is.” Bucky said, fighting back the stinging sensation in his eyes again. “Wanna hold her?”

He held his hands up in defense almost immediately after those words were spoken. “Oh, no. I shouldn’t.”

“I trust you.” Bucky holds you out a little, a reassuring look on his face.

Steve raises a cautious eyebrow. “You sure?”

“Yes. I’ll show you.”

Bucky then takes his time showing Steve how to hold you, giving him pointers and readjusting everyone once and awhile until he has a good hold on you. The blond’s nerves seemed to vanish into thin air when he started to see that you were looking at him with the same curious eyes you made at your father. Those eyes of yours could melt anyone’s hearts at this point.

Steve chuckles, and grins as he gets butterflies in his stomach from you. “What’s her name?” He asks, sparing a glance at your dad for a split second. “Did Becky ever give her one?”

Bucky shakes his head sadly. “No.” He said, his voice feeling rather small at the moment. “No she didn’t. I’m tasked with giving her one.”

“Well have you thought of any?”

“I have and I think…” He takes another good look at you, making sure the name was the right choice. “I was thinking… (Y/N).”

“(Y/N)?”

“Yeah. (Y/N).” Bucky tests it out his lips as other names start to form. “(Y/N)... Stevie Barnes.”

Steve looks up in surprise. “Stevie?” He asks.

He smiles. “Well, I heard Stevie is the girl version of Steve so…”

“Huh.” The blond looks back down at you, his smile returning. “(Y/N) Stevie Barnes. Not bad, Buck.”

Your father looked at him teasingly. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Steve replies, holding back a laugh as he watches you start to drift back to sleep. “I’m happy for you, man.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

A few moments passed before you were carefully placed back in your father’s arms, where all he did was stare back at you as you pulled yourself to sleep. His happy face started to falter, and there was a heavy amount of doubt in his ocean blue orbs.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do, Steve.” He finally admits before swallowing the lump in his throat. He soon felt his friend’s hand on his leg.

“You don’t have to do this alone, Bucky. You’ve got your family and you’ve got me.” Steve said, honestly. “And you know this. However, don’t doubt yourself, you got this. You’re going to be a great dad.”

Bucky’s lip curled up a bit, not caring that he was about to cry again. “Steve Rogers. The man who always knows what to say.”

“What can I say? I try.”

“And you think I’ll be great? Even with me being a soldier and everything else that comes with it?”

“I know you’ll be great. I know you’ll do anything to make sure she’ll be okay. So don’t worry too much, okay? (Y/N)’s going to be lucky she has you.”

Bucky hums, truly grateful for a friend like him.

And without an ounce of hesitation, he bends down slowly and kisses your sleeping forehead.

“I already loved you so much, (Y/N). I hope you realize that.” He whispers. “And I’ll do anything to make sure you’re safe.”

He swears at that moment he saw you smile.

(YOU UNKNOWINGLY LOST SOMETHING IN THE EARLY SPRING OF 1943…)

...You dove around your grandparents and aunts’ legs as you made your way out of the house, ignoring how your father’s duffle bag was on the porch. You stumble around a bit on your four year old legs, before finding the person you wanted to see.

“Uncle Steve!!!” You yelled, throwing your arms up.

“Hey, Pumpkin.” He said, teasingly. He wastes no time to scoop you up, and carefully holds you close to him (it’s been years and he’s still afraid he’ll drop you). “Have you gotten smaller?”

You scrunched up your nose at him, shaking your head. “No.” You giggled at the silly nickname, and it all was because you were pocket size.

“No?” Steve said, tilting his head. “Are you sure?”

You giggled again. “Yes.”

He smiles. “Just checking.”

A sigh came from inside, before the two of you saw your father stumbling out of his parents house, all dressed in his neatly ironed uniform. He looked almost miserable as he gazed at his bag on the porch.

“Ready?” Steve asked, readjusting his hold on you as he frowned himself.

“Unfortunately.” Bucky mumbled, not ready for what’s yet to come. However, when he faces you his whole expression changes for the better. “And there’s my little girl!”

“Papa!” You yelled, holding your arms out. He takes you in his arms, hugging you gently. “Are you leaving, Papa?”

“Oh, baby doll, I am.” He said, pulling back to look at you. “But don’t worry, I’ll be back as soon as I can.” He taps your nose. “Okay?”

You nodded slowly. “Okay.”

“Good.” He gives you a big kiss on your head, before peppering you with some more making you laugh. “I love you, (Y/N).”

“I love you, too, Papa.”

He gives you one more kiss and one more hug before transferring you over back to Steve. They both give each other a strong pat on the back, smiling bittersweetly.

“Be safe, Bucky.” Steve said, trying to hide his concern.

“I will. You too. The both of you.” Bucky said, grabbing his bag and making sure his voice was stern.

“We will. I’ll keep an eye on her.”

“Thank you.”

He bid them goodbye, and you and Steve watched him walk down the path to the military jeep parked nearby. It was chilling almost to watch, and your four year old mind couldn’t comprehend the heavy feeling in the back of your mind.

“Uncle Steve?” You asked, prying his eyes away from the moving vehicle.

“Yeah?” He said, softly.

“I thought you told me you were going with him?”

His eyes look away from you, almost like he was recollecting himself before giving you his answer. “I am. But not yet.” He replies, honestly. His orbs finally meet yours again. “Not until I know you’re okay.”

“Really?” You asked, tilting your head to the side with curiosity.

“Sure am.” He smiles. “Now, what do you want to do? You want to see what Grandpa and Grandma are doing?”

Your eyes light up at their names. “Yes!!!”

He laughs at your enthusiasm. “Okay, okay. Let’s go see them.”

Till this day, you still couldn’t piece together the horrible feeling in your gut.

(YOUR WHOLE WORLD WOULD CHANGE IN MID-JANUARY 1945…)

...You were confused beyond words. You were just sitting in your room, doodling in a book one of your aunts gave you, when you heard someone come inside the house. You listen closely, hearing your aunts and grandparents filling up with joy, but then,

There were sobs and people bawling.

You were six years old and could finally understand what emotions meant. So when you heard pure joy turn into sadness, you knew something was wrong. Curiosity got the best of you, it always had, something that your father told you to express but with caution. However, you couldn’t help it, your family was in pain for some reason, and you knew you needed to know why.

So as quietly as you could, you navigate yourself out of your room, moving slowly so the floorboards wouldn't creek down the hall. With your hand on the wall for support, you stop at the corner where it meets the stairs to listen in.

Your family was most definitely crying over something, but all you could make out when you peaked a little was your grandmother’s feet, who seemed to be leaning on her husband.

Odd. Was all you could think. Especially when you heard the next few words out of the blue.

“What are we going to tell (Y/N)?” Rebecca said, choking up.

You furrowed your brows together, and took a step to see what was going on, only for the step on the stair to creek loudly. You quietly gasp, and quickly hide behind the wall again. You heard some of your family gasp as well as the air felt thicker.

“S-Son…” Your Grandpa begins, tripping over his words with a shake in his voice. You didn’t like the way he sounded so broken. It certainly didn’t sit right with you.

“I’ll handle it.” Steve said, surprising you.

You didn’t even know he was here.

No wonder your family was overjoyed.

Yet…

Why are they so sad now?

You only peek around the bend again when you hear footsteps coming up the stairs, and sure enough there was your Uncle dressed in an odd military uniform (seriously, why is it all red and blue?), and looking way more buff than you remember. You felt so happy that he was here, not seeing him for nearly two years, and was about to jump up and give him a hug when you saw his face.

Depression.

You’ve never seen that once on him.

“Uncle Steve?” You said puzzledly, as he made the last step.

Why was he here and not your father? Was your dad hurt and that’s why he was here?

Yeah, that must be it. That’s why your Uncle looks so sad.

He smiles bittersweetly. “Hey, Pumpkin.” He said, holding out his hand. “I need to talk to you, okay?”

You frown at the fake sounding joy in his voice, but still complied. “Okay…”

You take his hand, and he guides you back to your bedroom. You could tell by the way he slowed in his steps that he was taking in its appearance. But who could blame him? The last time he saw you was when you were four, and your room held nothing but little toys and dolls, and had little bows and dresses lying around. But now he saw that you were a little bit older, and sure you still have some of the same things, he now noticed you were in school with your bag, and your artistic skills seemed to have grown with the doodles all over your room.

The appearance hurt him way more than he thought it would have. Especially when he knew his friend wouldn’t be able to see this.

He sits on your bed, and you sit next to him with your legs crossed as you wait for him to speak.

“(Y/N)?” Steve begins, masking the fear in his voice pretty well. “You’re a big girl, right?” You nodded slowly, preparing yourself with the news that your father was hurt. “And big girls can handle big news, right?” You nodded again, more eagerly this time. Even if your dad was hurt, you could finally see him after all this time. You honestly couldn’t wait for those words to come out. “Well…”

You watch him suddenly stop, and swallow hard. Now you were officially getting worried. “Steve?” You said as you sag your shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

He seemed to have gotten paler the moment you said that. “(Y/N), your dad isn’t coming home.”

You froze instantly. “What?” You mumbled, and luckily Steve heard it with his enhanced hearing (although he didn’t like the tiniest break in it).

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but he’s not coming home.”

You knew what he meant without even saying it.

No.

There was no way that was true.

You start shaking your head. “No…” You stated, standing your ground.

Steve sighed. He knew this was coming. “(Y/N)-”

“No.” You start shaking your head even more. “No!! My daddy can’t be gone. You’re lying!! You’re really lying!!” You couldn’t stop from the dam breaking, staining your clothes and cheeks. “Please, please, tell me you’re lying, Uncle Steve!!!”

You started to choke and sob on your own, and you somehow ended up tangled in his arms. He held you so unbelievably close, gently rubbing circles on your back. Steve left his chin on top of your head, and you buried your own into his neck, suddenly clenching his uniform with your small hands.

“It’s okay, (Y/N). I promise, you’re not going to go anywhere without a family.” Steve whispered, staring at a familiar blanket tucked in a corner of your room.

“Did it hurt him?” You asked, sniffling.

Steve’s heart skipped a beat, recalling as he was in fingertips’ reach of grabbing your dad’s hand, only for him to fall in the icy ravine below. But he couldn’t tell you that. He couldn’t tell you that he died by falling from a train.

So he lied.

“No.” He replies, guilt eating at him. “No it didn’t.” He swallows again, mentally cursing that his mask was slipping. “You’ll be okay. Your father will always be with you in your heart.”

Your frown against his chest, starting to shake again. “But I don’t want him there, I want him here.”

Steve frowns too. “Me too, kiddo…” He whispers.

And the dam broke again.

(AND IT WAS A FEW MONTHS LATER WHEN YOUR LIFE WOULD ‘END’...)

...You twisted and turned in your bed for the millionth time tonight. You would curl up and then uncurl before clenching the covers for some comfort. Normally you would sleep with ease, but these last few months have been different. Your Uncle was away to finish the war, and out of desperation you made him promise to come back to you. You had given him your liliac blanket as a reminder of his promise, something that held a lot of meaning to you, something that helped fight nasty dreams away.

But now they plagued you and no one was there to comfort you.

Your Dad was gone. Your grandparents and aunts could barely look at you because of the resemblance. You may be only six years old, but you knew they were keeping you away. Long hours at school, along with long after school activities. It was no brainer what they were trying to do. So for comfort? That was something you couldn’t get right now as you continued to hope Steve would come through the door one day and make everything better.

You sighed quietly, and turned again. Why was it so hard to fall asleep?

As you tucked your head between your pillow and mattress, that’s when you heard a loud thug coming from downstairs.

You sat up in your exhausted state, but curiosity sparked you again. Which one of your relatives could be up at this hour? Furrowing your brows, and removing the covers, as you touched the wooden floor with your bare feet. You slowly walked across your room, opening the door to peak out into the hall. You saw nothing, and started trailing down it, only for your feet to get caked in something hot and sticky.

Frozen in fear, you peer at your feet, and with a slight squint in your eyes, you see the color red. Your breath caught in your throat, as you watched as the blood from your feet was coming from a bedroom next to the stairs.

Your Grandparents.

As nausea took over you, you took a few small steps back, ready to run away from whatever was going on. Where were your Aunts? Were they downstairs and that's who made the noise?

Yeah, that must be it.

You were ready to turn and head down, when you were met with two figures coming up. Two big, tall and scary looking men with guns in their hands. They gawked at you like a piece of meat.

“Другой?” One of them asked in a thick accent, and spoke in a language you did not understand. (*Another one?)

You stiffened when the man aimed his gun at you, but you seemed to be saved when his partner waved him off.

“Подожди. Я хочу, чтобы ты на нее посмотрел.” The partner said, calmly. (*Hang on. I want you to look at her)

“Почему?” (*Why?)

“Вы это видите? Сходство?” (*Do you see that? The resemblance?)

The man looked confused. “Какой?” He said, making a face. (*What?)

The other man sighed, and hit his partner in the shoulder. “Она похожа на Зимнего солдата. Это то, что мы ищем.” He explains, gesturing to you almost lovingly. (*She looks like the Winter Soldier. This is the one we’re looking for)

Now he seemed to understand. “О нет, я понимаю.” (*Oh, Now I see)

“Давай схватим ее.” (*Let’s grab her)

You backed away when they started approaching you again. And when one of them decided to lunge for you, you made a break for your bedroom. Heavy footsteps followed behind you, as you tried to slam the door shut, but one of the men ended up stopping it with his hand. He pushed it wide open, and you stumbled backwards into your wall, cowering in fear.

You ended up throwing anything you could get your hands on at them, but it had no effect as you started to get all teary eyed.

“N-No…” You whispered. “G-Go away…”

“Простите, красавица.” (*Sorry, Beautiful)

And then one of the men’s hands were around your throat, squeezing tight. Your tiny hands start clawing at theirs, as dark spots danced around your vision.

You couldn’t breathe.

Couldn’t think.

And then…

The darkness came.

(AND THEN YOU BECOME ‘REBORN’ OVER THE GRUELING MONTHS...)

...You didn’t want to do it, but you had no choice. You obeyed the best you could to avoid the horrible touches the doctors and handler would give you, or the slaps and beat downs you would get intensely.

You obeyed even when you didn’t want to, because you were scared to lose your life in a place like this. You still had hope Steve would come for you like the hero he was, but a small part of you knew it wasn’t going to come true. Especially when they started the touture, and your mind became broken, and you slowly started to forget him.

You were only six and you knew how to hold a knife and fire a gun; You knew how to kill people in 40 different ways; You were brainwashed with trigger words, and were tested on constantly, something about some serum they wanted to put in you. But was it really a good thing that your body was rejecting it?

Training for hours, and testing you until you passed out, was that a good thing as well?

Sleep for a small amount of time, and given tiny portions of food, was that a good thing too?

Was it also a good thing that your mind was fuzzy, and you were slowly starting to lose who you are deep inside?

Was anything here at HYDRA good for you?

The very thoughts ran through your mind as you laid on the cold cement floor, bloody and bruised, worn out for wear as your arms were pulsing from all the needles they stuck in the flesh. You were an experiment, a weapon, they said. You had no time to cry, soldiers do not cry. You weren’t a child no matter how many times you try to remind yourself that you were.

A child whose life ended so shortly.

The man scoffed. “Еще один провал?” Her handler said, disappointed. The language that she once didn’t understand was finally making sense. (*Another fail?)

“К сожалению, сэр.” A scientist said, making your cloudy eyes look up at them as they spoke. (*Unfortunately, Sir)

“Проклятие…” (*Damn)

“Сэр, при всем уважении, то, что этот ребенок имеет ту же кровь, что и один из других наших солдат, не означает, что она будет работать так же, как он.” (*Sir, with all due respect, just because this child shares the same blood as one of our other soldiers, doesn’t mean she’ll work the same way as him)

“Фигня!” (*Bullshit!) The man throws his hands up in rage. “Он должен! Она будет работать идеально, как ее старик, может быть, даже лучше, если мы сделаем правильную сыворотку.”

(*It has to! She’ll work perfectly like her old man, maybe even better if we can make the right serum)

“Но сэр, мы только что создали Зимнего солдата почти год назад, поэтому мы так уверены, что он-” (*But sir, we just created the Winter Soldier nearly a year ago, how we so sure he’s-)

The handler scoffed again. “Идеальный? Потому что он уже.” (*Perfect? Because he already is)

Even with your fuzzy mind you still were confused on what he was saying. Were you related to a super soldier? You don’t even recall having any family, which is rather odd to say the least. So what did they exactly mean?

Suddenly the door opens, and a guard comes in, speaking in english. “Sir, the Winter Soldier’s ready for his exam.”

The handler smiled. “Perfect! Bring him in.” He said, before looking at the other guards already present in the room. “Bring her back to her cell. We’ll try again in a few hours.”

They muttered, ‘Yes, sir’, before you felt yourself being pulled off the ground. You let your head hang low and wobble back and forth, as they dragged you along. The cell actually sounded nice. Laying on your uncomfortable mattress with some hours of peace sounded heavenly to you (but made sure to never let them know). You only had stopped once when the door opened again, the room flooded with men with tactical gear and guns as they led someone inside.

And then your heart sank.

What you assume to be the infamous Winter Soldier you’ve heard for months now came in looking as empty as you. His hair went past his ears, his facial hair was coming in, and he showed off a silvery colored arm that was exposed like his upper body. Just like you, scars and bruises lingered in his form as he remained ghostly pale, or like the color of snow itself.

But that’s not what struck you.

That’s not what triggered something in the back of your head.

That wasn’t a reason a sudden memory was being revived.

No.

It was his face.

A face you knew even after not seeing it for nearly three years. You knew it was him.

All of HYDRA’s work to your mind suddenly went out of the nonexistent window.

Your eyes widened, and your body shot up in their hold as you yelled, “PAPA!!!”

The room got quiet and stiff, as the Handler started sweaty nervously when the Winter Soldier stopped himself. When his eyes met yours, you went crazy because it was him, your father, who was very much alive.

“PAPA!!! IT’S ME! IT’S (Y/N)! YOUR DAUGHTER!!” You screamed, hoping to get through, because he really was looking like an empty shell of a man. “PAPA! PLEASE, REMEMBER ME!”

The man tilted his head, and stayed silent, which made the enemy’s sigh with relief.

But even villains couldn't have their happy moments either.

You then saw the slight spark in his eyes, and the stern facade he had on fell only a centimeter, but you noticed it without any doubts.

“(Y/N)....?” He whispers, his voice sounding like it was coming from two different people (But it was enough to get everyone in the room on edge).

You felt your eyes start stinging with tears, because your father was right there. You wanted nothing else but to hug him like the world was going to end.

“Papa.” You said, trying to smile reassuringly at him, which seemed to do the trick.

His body became tense again, but it wasn’t from the programming they put him in, it was entirely from something else. “(Y/N)!!” He yells, sounding like your dad, sounding like your Bucky.

“Papa!”

“(Y/N)!!” Bucky says, again, trying to get past as the guards start to grab him. “(Y/N)!!”

“Papa!!” You yelled again, as the two men that had you in their grasp started walking away with you. “Papa!! Help me!!”

You cried and kicked, and screamed as your dad started doing the same. Serum or not, your dad didn’t know the full extent of his abilities yet, so when the guards started holding him and beating him up, he was left feeling useless. But he couldn’t give up yet, not when you were literally three feet away from him.

“God damnit! Leave her alone!” He yells, after getting kicked in the stomach. “She’s my daughter, you fuckers! You get your filthy hands off of her!!”

Your handler sighs yet again. “Не говоря уже об экзамене, его надо будет стереть с ума. Сначала сделаем его, а потом мы сделаем ребенка.” He says, to the scientists. (*Never mind the exam, he’ll need to be mind wiped. Do him first, and then we’ll do the child next)

“Сэр, не следует ли нам передать одного из них, чтобы это не повторилось снова?” (*Sir, shouldn’t we transfer one of them to prevent this from happening again?)

He sighs, and shakes his head. “К сожалению, да. Мы не можем рисковать, что они нарушат контроль. Давайте заморозим ее и перевезем в другое место.” (*Unfortunately, yes. We can't risk them breaking the control. Let's freeze her and transport her somewhere else.)

“Прямо сейчас, сэр.” A guard said. (*Right away, Sir)

Bucky tries wiggling out of their grasps, still screaming for you. But before you could scream at him back, you missed the way your handler gave your guards a nod, and before you knew it, you were slammed into the closet wall, hitting your head.

The last thing you remember was your dad calling for you, as you met the darkness some more.

(YOU DIDN’T KNOW WHY THEY WANTED TO KEEP YOU AROUND, BUT EACH PASSING DAY WAS A GIFT FROM HELL...)

...You didn’t forget your father’s face, even after time went on.

Was it days? Weeks? Months? Years? You did not know.

But you never forgot him once as they tortured you till your throat ran raw and you passed out. You took so many beatings physically. You had your brain put in the blender so many times. You were frozen and unfrozen at least a dozen times. You were drugged and tested on more times than you could count, and even when your memory of your earlier life slowly started to drift away, you still held onto a tiny piece of someone familiar.

Deep blue eyes that were nothing but caring and loving towards you.

The hair that was the color of the chestnuts you used to eat, or the hot coco you used to drink.

And the smile was brighter and warm. Comforting and calling towards you.

But…

You didn’t know who he was and why he made you feel that way, all you knew was that he was your only hope of hanging on the last bit of yourself.

So here you were again, feeling a little bit older as your arms ached from the needles, and the smell of vomit was all over you. Another failed attempt of getting the serum to react the way they wanted it to. And as always, somehow, it ended up being your fault.

You groaned quietly as you were curled up into a ball on the floor, tears pricking your eyes as your handler (Your new handler, apparently. They told you the other one had died when you came out of cryo) starting bitching and complaining to one of the head scientists.

“Почему это не удается? Объясните мне это !!!” Your handler said, shouting at the top of his lungs. (*Why does this keep failing? Explain that to me!!!)

“Сэр, она ребенок, а детское тело не может справиться с таким ужасным процессом, как этот.” The man explained while keeping a steady breath. He almost looked like he might vomit himself. (*Sir, she’s a child, and children’s bodies can’t handle a gruesome process like this)

You meantally scoffed.

You damn right. You thought, as your body started to flare up like it always does in these experiments.

Seriously, why did your body have to set itself on fire? While sharp nails ran through your bloodstream, and stab your fragile lungs?

“Не говоря уже о том, что вы только что заставили ее потренироваться восемь часов, ее тело, вероятно, истощено.” The scientist continued, trying to reason with his clearly psychotic boss. (*Not to mention, you just had her do eight hours of training, her body's probably exhausted)

Your handler looked like he was about to explode from the way his hands morphed into fists, and his face turned bloodshot red. “Мне все равно! Она солдат! Она должна уметь справиться с этим!” He spat, bitterly. (*I don't care! She's a soldier! She should be able to handle it!)

You wanted to roll your eyes, and curse at him, but there’s no way you could muster up some energy.

“Охранники! Преподайте ей урок.” (*Guards! Teach her a lesson.)

You froze.

Shit.

You knew what was coming and there was no way you could fight back. You suddenly found yourself lifted off the ground by a man, spotting a small glimpse at the boss who was torn between being pleased and disappointed (You even saw the scientist try to protest), before you entered another world of pain.

You were punched and kicked in so many different ways and in so many different places. You choked on the blood in your mouth, as stars clouded your eyes. You wanted to cry and tell them to stop, but your mind was just way too hazy.

Just stop.... You begged to yourself. Just stop… please…

Suddenly you were held up high, and you caught the familiar metal table that you were once lying on in your vision.

Shit…

You knew what was going to happen, and shut your eyes tight as you started begging again.

Don’t… not again. Don’t knock me out this way again…

You braced yourself as he was bringing you down on the table. You swear you hear your ribs crack when you hit the cement floor, and-

Wait.

Cement?

You heard them gasping, as you slowly started to crack open your (Y/E/C) orbs as you saw the bottom of the table was in your view. You come to an easy conclusion that you were on the floor, with the table hovering above you. But…

How?

What…? Was all you could think before you heard your Handler start cackling.

“Святая корова…” The scientist said in disbelief, his eyes blown wide. (*Holy Cow…)

“Это сработало! Сыворотка подействовала!” The boss yelled, laughing again. (*It worked! The serum worked!)

Serum…? You thought, as your body started to feel tingling, and there was a knot in your stomach. Fuck…

You rolled yourself to your side before vomiting out the acid in your empty stomach. You cried quietly again at how fucking bad your body was hurting right now. The burning and nails were ten fold.

“Наконец-то эксперименты принесли свои плоды. Наконец-то можно запустить фантом проекта!” (*The experimentation has finally paid off. Finally, project phantom can commence!)

You furrowed your brows together.

Project… Phantom…?

Before you can question it some more, you mind, just like always, blacked out into the abyss.

(YOU WERE A WINTER SOLDIER, BUT THEY LOVED TO CALL YOU BY ANOTHER NAME...)

...You were a Winter Soldier.

You worked for HYDRA.

You kill for HYDRA.

And slowly, you could see why.

You were fast. Faster than the vehicles you would see on your missions.

You were strong. Strong enough to flip over a tank.

You were durable. Although you could still bleed, and get bruised, and break bones, they would heal in a matter of a few minutes (depending on the injury of course).

But here was the other ability you had that set you apart from the rest of them.

You could phase. Go through walls and any other solid matter like a ghost. Or…

A Phantom.

‘Phantom’. That’s what they would call you. Dress in black like the grim reaper, a mask and hoodie to keep you concealed as you stab your enemy in their throat, or crack their neck in half, or make them taste lead.

However, the experiments and beating never stopped throughout your history with HYDRA. With every new handler, they would always cause you pain, and you knew why.

And that was because you weren’t perfect.

They’re ‘Project: Phantom’ still had its flaws, and it was because you couldn’t be a Phantom all the time.

You couldn’t phase willingly. It only happened at random, and neither you, nor them, could figure out why.

So they would scream at you, torture you in the chair, starve you for days. You were pushing the age of nine, and you started to feel like it was really your fault, even though you knew it wasn’t.

So they tested you.

Over and over.

Over and over again to see if they could get it right.

One a cold day in your ‘new’ base in Sokovia, you slouched in your retrains, listening to everyone around you argue and cuss at you. You felt your handler slapped you, but you remained unphased because that’s what you were trained to do. Take it, and leave it alone.

“Damn you, Soldat.” Your new boss (yes, new. Shocker, right?) said, straightening up again. He sighs. “No matter, we’ll have to try again. Maybe a few more years back under the ice will help your body learn to adjust, hmm?”

He touches your face with the same hand that causes you pain, and you learned not to flinch or smack it away. He starts stroking your cheeks, and rubbing your chin. He eyed you like a delicious prey.

He chuckles. “No matter, Soldat. We’ll fix you, won’t we?” He said, mischievously. He hums again at your emotionless face. “Won’t we? Мой красивый солдат?” (*My Beautiful Soldier)

His thumb brushes over your split lip before he pulls it away. He looks over his shoulder. “Let’s put her back under, and try again. Hopefully, she’ll be perfect the next time around.”

You didn’t even try to protest, because you realized this was your life. Getting tortured and triggered to do kill missions. So why even try to fight it now? Would the man you still see in your dreams be disappointed? Or was he a monster just like you?

You let them grab, drag you, and shoved into the pod as you waited for your body to freeze over…

And wait to see whoever is going to be your boss next.

(TODAY WAS GOING TO BE DIFFERENT. WHY THOUGH? IT’S THE QUESTION YOU’RE DREADING TO KNOW...)

...You felt the ice melt away from you, even though you were met with a cool breeze of the very same room you were last left in. Only this time, it wasn’t filled up with tables and chairs, and men of various fields staring back at you. No…

It was empty.

As you wobbled on your feet, you weren’t sure what to do because who was supposed to give your mission? You were ready for the trigger words, ready to comply, but for who? No one was here.

Although, your prayers (if you could even call it that) were soon answered when someone circled around to face you. Sandy blonde and dark brown, and eyes the same color, a man with a five o’clock shadow stared back at you with almost a sense of joy.

And something else you couldn’t quite place.

You also couldn’t understand why he was so neatly dressed, and not in a HYDRA uniform.

You were still with HYDRA.

Right?

You opened your mouth to ask what your mission was, but he beat you to it.

“Hello, (Y/N).” He said, surprisingly in English.

You were a bit taken back.

HYDRA rarely spoke in English, unless it was either serious or when they were taunting you with their unwanted touching.

You were confused.

Was this really your company anymore?

He smiles when he can see the wheels turning in her head. With a bit of his accent, he continues. “My name is Helmut Zemo, and I will be your new handler.”

(TBC in ‘A CIVIL WAR IN OUR MINDS)

#bucky barnes x child!reader #bucky barnes x daughter!reader #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes #steve rogers x child!reader #steve rogers #captain america the first avenger #captain america #the winter soldier #catfa #hydra #mcu #marvel #my fanfic writing #fanfic #Skyfallposts

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gotnofucks · 3 years

Note

Since Steve is so righteous, I can't help but imagine how would Priest!Steve be if he falls for a woman. I love a good scandal 😍

Title: At His Alter

Pairing: Priest!Steve x Reader

Summary: You fell in love with a man already belonging to someone else.

Words: 1.5k

Warning: Priest Steve ( I have very limited knowledge about Christianity and the Church, no offense is meant to the religion), the reader is non-religious, angsty I guess. No smut but still 18+

A/N: This is my entry for the absolutely charming @wiypt-writes CATFA 10th Anniversary Challenge. I chose the prompt "Faith, huh?" . Thank you so much for hosting sweetie and letting me enter on such short notice!

The sun was merging with the horizon in the distance, casting long rays that hit the stained glass and spilled its rainbow on the floor. You had always loved how the incense lingers in the air and seemed to stick to the pews. The musky scent of the candles and the wood had always calmed you, more so than the figure hanging on the cross did.

You waited behind for a while in the empty church, eyes fixed on his kneeling figure. Only a slight murmur of the words he whispered in secrecy to the Lord reached you, and you stepped back into the shadows to give him a little more privacy. His divine romance was one you wouldn’t interrupt.

“Join me.” His voice called, always even and smooth. He always knew when you were around. Your heels made sharp clicks as you walked and you stopped beside him, kneeling. Without looking at you, he handed you a candle and lit it with his own before closing his eyes and praying in silence. You looked at his face, the beauty that was etched in every line of it and memorized it to perfection. God was lucky to have such a beautiful servant.

He placed his candle at the alter and you did the same, taking the hand he offered you and standing. Even in heels he was taller than you, his shadow never-ending behind him.

“For someone who isn’t a believer, you are here an awful lot.” He teased, his blue eyes glittering in the light of the candles. You bashfully grinned, tucking your hair behind your ear and shrugging.

“I am a believer. Just not in this.” You said, pointing at the cross on the alter. He smiled bright, no offense in his gaze. He gestured to the pew and you followed him there, sitting beside him.

“What do you believe in then?” He asked, raising a brow at you. You looked him in the eyes, letting your gaze linger on his lips before dropping to the collar on his neck. His eyes met your again and yours turned misty.

“In love.” You whispered.

Father Rogers blinked at you before blushing, nodding his head slightly. Licking his lips, he opened his mouth and closed it again, clenching and unclenching his fists.

“Faith is love.” He said at last, and the sun sank outside. The only light inside was of sputtering candles and you couldn’t look away from their shadows that danced on his face.

“Faith, huh?” You said softly, placing your palm in the space between you both and inching it towards him. “Would faith allow you to love freely? Is love really love when it is caged?”

His eyes were on your hand that was almost brushing his cassock and his own fingers twitched. He cleared his throat before tearing his eyes away from you, focusing on the figure of Christ on the cross as if reminding himself of who he was.

“It was not Him who said to bound our love. Man decided that and blamed it on Him. He loves us equally.” Father Rogers said, and your heart started beating erratically. How could he feel the love of whom he couldn’t see but not feel yours that you lay at his feet?

“Would He allow us to love too?” You asked him, crossing the last few inches between you both and placing your hand on his. He was cold to touch, and he jerked as if he’d take his hand away from underneath yours, but it stayed. He gulped audibly before looking at you again, eyes troubled and sad, and yet the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen.

“You must not judge Him for the choices I made.” He said. “I took the collar knowing what it would entail. I am His, and I cannot belong to anyone else.”

A tear slipped from the corner of your eye and slid down your cheek, his thumb coming to catch it quickly. You sniffled because it was unfair that you loved him so much. If God existed, why did he make you fall for a man who could never return those feelings? Why did God make love hurt so much?

“If god was a woman, this shit wouldn’t happen.” You said, voice heavy with feeling. A laugh bubbled in his throat at that, reverberating through the church.

He leaned towards you as if telling you a secret and you couldn’t help but mirror him, coming in closer to him than you thought to be ever possible. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, but I think God is both.”

If love was an ocean, you drowned a little deeper. His hand moved under yours until it flipped, his fingers curving over yours, holding you with the same reverence with which he held his rosary. You instinctively squeezed tight, breath coming out sharply as you held his hand for the first time.

“When I first met you, I thought I was being tested.” He started, running a thumb over your knuckles. “I knew you weren’t here by choice. But you didn’t sneer at us. You respectfully went through the whole service. I was hoping you’d have gotten something fruitful because I never expected to see you again.”

You remembered that day, being brought here by your friends against your wishes. Religion and you didn’t mix, but you humored them that day.

“You were the most gorgeous priest I had ever seen.” You said, giggling a little. “My first thought on seeing you was ‘what a waste’.”

“Is that why you came back? Because I am gorgeous?” He asked.

“No. It was because I fell in love with you.”

Love at first sight didn’t exist, at least that is what you thought. But then you saw him. Cloaked in black and standing tall, you wondered if people worship him or their Lord. He spoke softly to everyone, talking to children and adults alike, smiling. When you followed your friends to him, he had talked to you as if he knew you since forever. You believed that. You believed that time hadn’t brought you together for the first time. His soul was familiar.

He was silent at your admission, this one confession weighing heavier on his soul than all others he heard in the booth. This was the first you had voiced it, but he knew. You didn’t try to hide it from your eyes and he read them like an open book.

“I was lost. Years ago, I fell in love and got my heart broken. It was then the Lord came to me. He loved unconditionally. There would be no heartbreak.” He said, looking into space.

“Did she cheat on you?” You asked, clutching his hand harder. His blue eyes met yours with past pain still lingering and you wondered if it could ever be washed.

“He died in battle and left me alone.”

Your lips parted at his words and your heart broke for him. Abandoning propriety, you shifted until his thigh touched yours and you could feel his side burning into you. Cupping his face you made sure he could look into your very soul, see your sorrow for him as well as the love you held.

“I am so sorry.” You whispered, lips centimeters away.

His eyes dropped to your lips and back to yours, a breath catching in his throat. He placed his palm over yours, pushing his face into your touch and savoring it.

“He would have approved of you. Bucky was always more popular with the ladies.” He said, sadly smiling.

You shook your head, always knowing that you would choose him over anyone. With one word from him, you would have laid on the sacred alter and let him ruin you with no remorse. He owned all of you without even trying.

“Will you ever love again?” You asked, heart stuttering in fear of his answer.

The night was falling fast and shrouded in the dark, his hand took yours and placed it on his heart. You felt it beating steadily below your palm and you wished to capture its rhythm and play it over and over as you sleep so every breath of yours was in sync with his.

“I already do.” He confessed, coming closer. “Father Rogers belongs to Him, and – and Steve belongs to you. I am sorry if all I can give you is the promise of the fact that my heart beats for you.”

Your tears fell swift, caught in his shoulder as he hugged you tight. There would be no nights spent in his embrace, though you had made love to him a million times over in your dreams. There would be no ring on your finger, only the collar on his throat. But as you wept on him, in his arms, you felt at peace. Love hurt so much, but it was a hurt like the sting of love bites left by a lover. Love hurt like the hug squeezed too tight. Love hurt like a mother’s womb expanding for its child. Love hurt like it did now.

“It will be enough.” You said, trembling as he pressed a kiss on your forehead. “My love for you doesn’t need the warmth of your body. Just the company of your soul.”

#catfa 10th anniversary challenge #steve rogers x reader #steve x reader #priest!steve x reader #priest!steve #chris evans x reader #queued #queuing this post coz I am asleep rn lol

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queen-of-the-avengers · 4 months

Text

CATFA: Part One

Pairing: Ikaris x Female!Reader, Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: canon violence, language, and angst

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

Earth is nothing like you expected it to be. There are a lot of planets in your home galaxy that can support life as well as millions of other planets in other galaxies around yours. Still, you never expected Earth to be so similar to your home planet, Xenia--a thriving ecosystem, corrupt governments, billions of people, and large bodies of water that cover most of the planet.

The only difference is that your planet is home to one of, if not the evilest man your galaxy has ever seen. Xenia became a breaking ground for bad ideas, and they all point to the one who made you: Markus Hottle.

To most, you look like you're in your late twenties or early thirties, but you're much older than that. You've just had your one-hundredth birthday, and you know you've got a lot more to go through before you die. What Markus did to you caused you to nearly stop aging; just another side effect of his experiments.

It's why you fled your planet and have been on the run ever since. You've spent fifty years jumping from planet to planet, always avoiding Markus when he sent his goons to chase after you. You've been running for so long that you don't know what a home is anymore.

Yours was destroyed the second Markus had your parents killed.

Will Earth be different?

Xenia has always thrived on the creativity and knowledge of other people. It's what made Xenia so successful with businesses, its own ecosystem, and its communities. Earth has none of that. You landed on Earth in the year 1000, and they're nothing like what your planet is like. This planet is filled with poverty, famine, greed, struggle, and a corrupt elite community who think they're too good for everyone below them.

With your knowledge and power, you could easily fit your way into the elite status, but then who would help out those in actual need? Who can they turn to when they need help? You don't have any healing powers, so you can't aid them medically, but you can offer them something else: agriculture and clean water. You're still getting used to your new life Markus forced upon you, but if you can help others while doing it, then you have the obligation to do so.

They don't have the resources to build a new world, and you're not going to freak them out by showing them you're an alien, so you'll use what they have to help them. Something you often did back home with your mother, was make clothes for all of your friends and family. You love sewing and creating something out of nothing, and seeing how the poverty is dressed, you think you can help them by providing them with clean clothes, blankets, and other types of means to stay warm.

It didn't take long before communities came to your town to buy your clothes. Most of the time, you didn't want them to pay since you're not doing this for the money, but some refused to take your clothes without paying for them. After five or so years of being in that town, you've come to make friends with almost everyone. Along with clothes and blankets, you'd offer clean water for them to take with them--as much as they needed. It's not much, but that seemed to make their day.

While Earth is not as technologically advanced as Xenia is, you're enjoying your time on Earth and hope that Markus doesn't find you here. Your home is on the other side of the known universe, so you think you're safe for now.

The bell on your door rings, signaling that there is a customer in your store. You look up and see one of your regulars with a tired look on her face.

"Alice, are you alright?"

"Yes. My youngest is not feeling too well. The poor thing is hot and cold and is not getting any better. I came in here hoping you might have something that could help?"

"Of course. I have more water for you to take home to your family. I have made some more blankets, which are in the back. Please, help yourself. I do not want your son to be cold."

"I do not know what this town would do without your generosity."

"I am just happy to help." The bell on your store door rings again, and you give Alice a warm smile. "I will be back there in a few moments."

She leaves to the back to browse your collection while you turn to the new customer. You're about to greet them when you see the most handsome man you've ever laid eyes on--and you've met millions of people.

He has a square jaw and pink lips. He's muscular which is defined by the blue and gold suit he is wearing. He has short hair with a sliver of white in the front. He has the prettiest of blue eyes--they sparkle like the ocean does when the sun is rising. You've only lived here for six years, but you've never seen this man before. Who is he? Why is he here? What does he want?

"Hi. Welcome in."

"I hear you are the best clothesmaker in town."

Ooh, and he has an accent.

"You heard right. What are you looking for?"

"Anything that will make it look like I belong in this town. This kind of sticks out like a sore thumb," he says and gestures to his suit.

"I have never seen that or you around here before. What is your name?"

"Ikaris."

"Well, Ikaris, I must pick your brain about where you came from, but I can help with the clothes situation. Follow me." You lead Ikaris to the section where you've made some clothes specifically for men. You grab something new you're working on and place it against his chest to see how it might look on him. You pause and look into his eyes. Wow, the blue in his eyes is shinier up close. "I believe this one will do."

"Thank you."

"Please, try it on. I do not want you leaving here without a proper fit."

There is a section you've blocked off with a wooden partition you've created. All the stores in Xenia have these, but you've resulted in using what humans have made available. A lot of businesses are run outside, but with your powers, you've managed to make a store big enough to have a few people in at a time. Humans wondered how you got there, to begin with, but they were easily won over by your generosity.

Ikaris walks behind the partition and tries on the shirt, and you grab a pair of pants you made before handing it to him. The partition is low enough so you can see his face, but you can't see anything else. He maintains eye contact as he tries on the clothes, and he smiles once he knows it fits.

"How do you like it?"

"It is very comfortable. How much for these?"

"No need. I do not need your money."

Ikaris walks out with the clothes on over his suit. You're not sure why he didn't take his suit off, but you don't comment on it. There is something about Ikaris that catches your attention, and you're not sure what it is. It's like he isn't from this world. It's in the way he speaks and the way he carries himself. He seems a lot older than what he looks like, and the more you spend time with him, the more you see that.

A couple of months have passed since you first met Ikaris, and you two have been spending a lot of time together. You're starting to really like him, and you believe he likes you too. There are some days you like to close up shop just to enjoy the day or buy food from the vendors around town, and today is no different.

You and Ikaris are walking down a beaten path in the woods behind the town you live in because it's less crowded.

"You never told me how long you have been here in town."

"Quite a while."

"You are very mysterious, you know that?"

"I do," Ikaris chuckles.

You two continue to walk, but you pause when you feel the ground rumble. You look to the side to see a gnarly yet beautiful creature inch toward you and Ikaris. The creature is bigger than anything you've ever seen on Earth, and it's iridescent blue and purple that shines whenever it moves. It opens its mouth to bare its very sharp teeth, and your eyes widen in fear.

"Look out!"

You push Ikaris out of the way just as the creature pounces on you. You go crashing to the ground as it drags you twenty feet. You reach up and grab its upper jaw to prevent it from snacking on you, and Ikaris looks at you just in time to see something truly amazing happen.

Your eyes shine dark red and orange and fire forms at your fingertips. As if it's second nature, you place your fiery hands on the creature and let the fire spread throughout. The creature cries out in pain, and you kick it as hard as you can which causes the creature to topple over you so that you're free from its grasp.

You gasp and back away from the burning creature only to back into Ikaris.

"You're bleeding," he says.

You look at your arm to see a huge gash where the creature must have scratched you.

"Don't worry, I'll heal."

Just like that, your skin starts healing from the damage taken to it, and Ikaris watches with curiosity and concern.

"Are you an Eternal?"

"What the hell's an Eternal?"

"Come with me."

He takes one last look at the deviant before taking your hand. He leads you to where he's been staying these past few hundred years, but there is nothing there to show. He stops at a clearing, and you look around in confusion. Before he has a chance to say anything, gold spirals and rings form in the sky until a black triangle forms. You're kind of amazed, but you've seen a lot of alien technology throughout your life.

You two are beamed up into the floating triangle, and you're greeted by nine other people in the same kind of clothing Ikaris was wearing when he first came into his shop.

"Ikaris, who is this?" the youngest and shortest one asks.

"This is Y/N, and she killed a deviant."

From what you understand, Ikaris and the other nine people on the spaceship are called Eternals, and they were put on Earth about six thousand years ago to protect humans from deviants, which is what you just killed. They all have special powers that they use to aid them in the war not a lot of people know about. When you had a feeling Ikaris was different, you weren't expecting him to be six thousand years old.

"If you're not an Eternal, then what are you?"

Makkari is the only one who speaks Sign Language, but you don't know much about the language to understand what she is saying, so Druig translates for her.

"I'm from Xenia, a planet on the other side of the universe. I was experimented on by someone who wanted to take over planets with fear. He created a serum that gave me the powers of shapeshifting, which is why I've been able to sneak in and out of the royal castle to steal food or pose as someone with wealth.

"Then, he started experimenting with the Tesseract or the space stone which is one of the six infinity stones. It's what gave me my second set of powers which is controlling the four elements. It's why I was able to kill that deviant with fire. It's also why I can heal quickly."

"How old are you?"

"One hundred. I left my planet at fifty years old, but I stopped aging when I turned thirty-three."

"How did it take you fifty years to travel across the universe? I'm not a math genius, but even I know that's impossible," Phastos asks.

"Because I was made using the space stone, it gave me the ability to create portals which I can open to anywhere in the universe. I had trouble adjusting to that power, so it took me a little longer to get away from my maker. I'm making a home here, and I'd like to stay here if that's okay with you."

"Of course," Ajak says. "I thank you for killing that deviant. We could use your help in killing all of them so that we may go home."

"Anything I can do to help."

And just like that, you became an Eternal-adjacent. It pained you to leave the small town that relied on you to survive, but if you don't take care of the deviants, then there won't be a town left at all. It's nice to be part of something that matters since all you've been part of is something evil for most of your life. You're not even sure where Markus is, but you hope that he doesn't ever find you.

The years blend as you and Ikaris grow closer. The more time you spend with him, the more you fall in love with him. You've never been in a serious relationship before him since you were too scared to start something, but now you feel secure enough to let someone else into your life.

It doesn't matter if Ikaris is human or not.

Follow my library blog��@aqueenslibrary where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

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kippykasey · 1 year

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Grace - Chapter 10: The Train

Pairing: Howard Stark x F!Reader , Bucky x Reader [Eventually]

Word Count: 1600

Series Summary: A young nurse is recruited by Dr. Abraham Erskine to join the SSR to assist on Project Rebirth. Following her work with the SSR she is drafted into the US Army Nurse Corps in the war against the Nazis…and HYDRA.

Chapter Warnings: its the train scene of CATFA

Author’s Note: This chapter is about half the size of a normal chapter? But I am honestly so emotionally drain from writing it. Next chapter will be longer and we will only have 2 chapters left before moving on from CATFA.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the gifs they are either found on google or under the gif tag provided by tumblr. Any language other than English was translated using Google Translator, and translations will be posted in bolden italics after. I am not a nurse or in the medical field although I may do some research medical treatment written may not be correct.

Grace Masterlist | Snowdrop Masterlist | Masterlist

The camp was tense on the cold, snowy morning of the last mission. More specifically Grace was tense. She had been ranting in German about her worries. If she wasn’t ranting in German she was repeatedly humming ‘Amazing Grace’ as she did anything and everything she could to distract herself. She reorganized her medical backpack three times; completely unpacking and repacking the bag. Taking apart and reassembling both her pistol and rifle while cleaning each to perfection only seen in an unused firearm.

Charlie and Maxine watched from a distance. Charlie biting at her bottom lip in worry for her friend who has been off all morning. Maxine puffed at a cigarette to deal with the second hand stress and anxiety she was feeling from being around the head nurse. Monty walked up to stand behind the two nurses observing the head nurse as she packed away her personal items into her crate.

“Is she still rambling in German?” He asked the two. Charlie looked up at him before nodding. “Gracie’s been humming Amazing Grace for twenty minutes now.”

“Scheisse.” Shit.

The German curse leaving the nurse’s mouth drew the three over to her and down at the spilled box of hair pins. Grace lowered to her knees to pick up as many of the pins she could salvage from the snow. The three watching took notice of the Sergeant that approached her. Bucky rested his hand on the nurse’s shoulder but in her tense state she didn’t fully connect the dots that he wasn’t there to hurt her as she used her body weight to pull him from behind her and onto the ground in front of her with nothing but her small hand to protect her.

“Whoa! Easy, Sugar! It’s me, it’s just me!” Bucky quickly holds his hands up to block any attempt of attack from her. It was the shimmer of his blue eyes that alerted her mind that he was friendly that she lowered her raised hand. Her head dropped, shoulders sagging as she seemed to curl inward. It was a position Bucky had seen her in before, back when they were held captive by Hydra. Buck sat up, his hair falling from the combed back position to in front of his face.

“Come here,” He spoke gently, it was calming. His arms moved slowly, as if approaching a wounded animal, as he drew her in closer. She leaned into his arms, the tension and stress that took over her body moments ago quickly leaving her. It was blocked out as if being in Bucky’s arms was a shield. His arms had brought her comfort so many times that they had become a place of safety. “Something bad is going to happen. I can feel it.” She muttered against his shoulder where her head was resting against.

“Nothing is going to go wrong, sugar.” His hand caressed the back of her neck, his thumb rubbing gently at the nape of her neck so he didn’t mess up her hair. “You’re okay. You’ve been speaking German all morning.” Her head lifted from his shoulder, her eyes glazed over, was she really talking in German all morning? Why couldn’t she remember that?

“It’s okay, you’re worried and scared it’s okay.” His voice stayed so soft and it was like a wave of reassurance. She nods her head slowly. The crunching of the snow was purposeful to gain the pair’s attention. They looked up at Steve dressed in his Captain America suit, without the head covering. “We’re getting ready to head out. Charlie and Maxine are ready for any injuries. I guessed you would be coming with us?” Steve explained his eyes glancing at the nurse. “You would be stupid if you think I’m letting you boys go with out a medic on standby that far away from base.”

Steve sighed hoping she would have changed her mind but nodded his head. Bucky stood first before offering his hand to help up the nurse. The three went to gather the remainder of their items before they left on their hike up the mountain to the lookout point where they would wait for the train.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Jim set up a radio which Gabe and him listened to. The others sitting or standing around waiting. Bucky stood next to Steve looking down at the train tracks, the zip line just above them. Grace, staying behind the two, leaned up on her toes to look down towards the tracks that seemed to double for a second as she took in the drop.

“Remember when I made you ride the Cyclone at Coney Island?” Bucky’s voice seemed to carry slightly in the open air despide the quiet tone.

“Yeah, and I threw up?” Steve added remembering the moment his best friend was talking about clearly.

“This isn’t payback is it?” Bucky’s question made the nurse huff out a laugh. “If this was payback for that, you got it with interest.” She let out a small laugh patting Bucky’s shoulder just below where his rifle was resting. Barnes turns his head to look down at her. She noticed a smile in his eyes, a lightness to them, even if he wasn’t physically smiling.

“Now why would I do that?” Rogers comments turning to look up at where the zip line was secured.

Gabe spoke up, catching everyone’s attention. “You were right. Dr. Zola’s on the train. Hydra dispatcher gave him permission to open up the throttle.” The three stepped away from the edge and over towards where Jim and Jones sat with the radio. “Wherever he’s going, they must need him bad.”

Steve looked over at Bucky and Grace. He turned away, putting his helmet on as everyone began to prepare for the train. Monty keeps watch through a pair of binoculars. Grace tightened the straps on her bag. Bucky grabbed her hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Be careful.” She smiled up at him, “Don’t worry soldier boy. I’m staying towards the back.”

“Let’s get going, because they’re moving like the devil.” Monty instructs seeing the train speeding into sight.

Steve moved to the front attaching the first zip line handle bar to the line. He looks over his shoulder to give instructions. Jacques hand raised ready to signal his descent. “We only got about a 10 second window. You miss that window, we're bugs on a windshield.”

“And I may be good but I’m not an angel.” The nurse adds shifting from where she was standing behind Dugan.

“Better get moving bugs!” Dugan yelled over the sudden gust of wind.

On Jacques French exclamation and drop of hand Steve was off the mountain ledge. Bucky followed behind within a second. After Bucky one other person went then it was supposed to be Grace’s turn but as she stepped forward she didn’t bother to even swing the handlebar up. She had missed the window. In frustration she tossed the handlebar down before going over to Monty to take the binoculars and try to watch from afar.

Dugan stepped up behind the nurse afraid she might act erratically if something goes wrong. He wrapped his hand around the straps of her bag as she took a step too close to the edge for his comfort. “They have those crazy powered guns.” She comments on seeing the blast.

The train was moving out of sight and Grace hurried to move around the mountain so she could keep watch. She stumbled in the snow and when she raised the binoculars again the only thing she could see was the back of the Captain America uniform hanging out of a whole in the train reaching for a plummeting person. A small yell left her mouth as she dropped the binoculars in shock. Her knees gave out and she fell to the snow ground below. That was how Dugan found her when he caught up. Together they headed back to camp where Charlie and Maxine instantly were able to tell by how Grace was acting that something went wrong.

Charlie stepped forward as Maxine took the bag off of the head medic. As if the bag was holding her together the moment it was off the dam brook and sobs took over. Charlie pulled her into a hug. “You’re okay.” The nurse shook her head. “No. No. He’s gone. Why him?” She sobbed into Charlie’s shoulder.

【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】★【☆】

Dr. Zola was successfully captured at the end of the mission. He was transferred to a SSR prison where he would be interrogated by Philips. Meanwhile Steve and Grace had found themselves in their own grief ridden states. The nurse had been taken to the lodgings given to Howard, who upon seeing her so distraught awkwardly did his best to comfort the woman but ultimately ended up leaving to give her space.

The nurse spent hours in her thoughts just wondering if she had made it down if she could have saved Bucky from the fall. It was torture but she finally decided she needed to let it out. So she did, into the first pages of leather bound journal Bucky got her for her birthday. Her hand danced across the page and the ink was sometimes smudged by the occasional tear drop.

What started as the ‘what if’s her brain kept going through slowly drifted into a new burning passion to end Hydra. With her new goal in mind she stood from her seat and hurried out of the room on her way to find the one person who would understand her the most at the moment, Steve.

#grace #bucky barns x reader #catfa #howard stark x reader #howling commandos #bucky barnes #steve rogers

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sweater-daddiesdumbdork · 3 years

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Nomads Mission

Summary- 3.1k Nomad Steve Rogers x Reader featuring Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson and Red Wing. You might all be wanted by the Government and considered enemies of the state, but that isn’t going to stop you all from doing what has to be done. That includes collecting and destroying any information Hydra might have on the other Avengers. You are all aware of the risks each mission you run has. Warnings- violence. Divider made by @firefly-graphics Written for @what-is-your-plan-today Captain America: The First Avengers 10th Anniversary Challenge. Picture Prompt used in mood board, Quote Prompt is in Bold. Song lyrics are Vaughan Monroe Red Roses For A Blue Lady and Ev’ryday I Love You (Just A Little Bit More)

A/N- This is also for your birthday! Happy Birthday and Love you so much. Thank you a thousand times for everything, all the chats, movie dates, getting me up at 3 am to watch The Falcon and The Winter Soldier, dealing with my moments of uncertainty in myself, sharing pictures of the best boys ever, the little terror Thor and big beautiful girl Del. There is so much more, but you get the picture. I hope you have the best day ever with your very own Steve. Much love always babes.

Chris Evans Characters Masterlist

You and Natasha were ducked behind a wall, waiting patiently for Steve to engage the hostiles. Normally neither of you would be avoiding the action, well equipped between the two of you for hand to hand combat as well as various devices hidden on your persons thanks to Stark. But that wasn't why you two were here.

Get ready to go.

Steve's voice echoed in your ear, neither of you answering. It was too risky to confirm with the Nomad. He had to trust you and Natasha just as you both trusted him.

It wasn't hard to do, so far Steve has never let you down, on and off the field.

You and Natasha exchanged a look when there was a loud crash, the agents sitting at their computers looking up in shock and arming themselves, most of them streaming out of the room.

Just a few left, supposed to guard the intel, they would be easy for the two of you. Both you and Natasha broke cover. The second you did, skidding across the floor while kicking out your leg in a well placed aim, the closest one's chair flipped from your foot hooking around it, sending the rather large looking hostile falling backwards unaware. You used the heel of your boot to crash against his windpipe to leave him gasping out clutching at his neck with bulging eyes when you crashed your heel against him again, this time effectively knocking him out.

Natasha was engaged with the other two when she flicked one of her spider bytes at one and focused on the other when he went crashing down stunned. Knowing she was able to handle the situation, you focused on the computer system, working on crashing into it to pull the intel.

All the records of previous hits, the wealthy around the world they were dealing with through cash payments or black mail, the next targets on their lists, bank accounts that were laundering funds, anything they might have on the Avengers teams. Sure you, Steve, Sam and Natasha might not be a part of the team anymore, but family was still family, regardless of what happened. The biggest part of the intel you were hoping for, which would be hidden, the locations of experimental facilities trying to make more enhanced people, and you were that close, your fingertips itching as they flew over the keyboard, eyes scanning as you started to take down their security firewalls. “Come on… come on... “

All those innocent people who had no idea what they were signing up for. Promises made to fix their problems if they let the organization give them experimental treatments. It rarely ended with them surviving. Those that did became tools. So far from what you have seen in the files and person, it was nauseating. You just had to get that information. Your teeth nipped at your bottom lip with anxious energy as you continued. Your gaze once in a while fell to the man crumpled at your feet to make sure he was still unconscious before going back to your screen.

“You close Y/N?” You heard Natasha across the room, keeping watch at the main entrance to make sure you weren't interrupted.

“I'm close Nat, another five minutes.”

You don't have another five minutes Y/N. Sam hollered in the comms, the background noise muffling part of his voice.

“Four and a half Sam, I know you can give me that.” You muttered when you heard Steve pipe up.

It's time to go, NOW. Pull back.

Natasha poked her head around the corner to see a group coming back, racing down the hallway. “He's not wrong Y/N, pull the memory card and let’s go. We will work with what you got.”

“I'M ALMOST THERE!” You cried out as the loading bar was almost there. “Sam, use Red Wing to scan outside the building? They are in the hallway.”

Got you Y/N.

You pulled out your gun, rushing to Natasha who was now crouched, letting off her own shots while trying to duck out of the way from ricochet bullets.

I told you to get out. Steve snapped in the comms and you took aim, firing back before answering.

“Steve, it's almost finished. Another 30 seconds and we will pull out.”

There was a crackle of a curse, you knew Steve was frustrated, but he would have to be frustrated with you later. Just as you ducked out of the way, pings started bouncing off the hallway walls, sharp bullets crashing precisely through cement walls with precision, each person in the hallway slammed from the impact of Red Wings bullets, splattering red against the wall and crumbling.

“Thanks Sam.” You scramble back to the computer just as it flashed ‘LOADED’ and yanked the chip, slipping it in your suit as Natasha headed out the door, you right behind her. “Left or right?”

I'm at the west end. Steve informed the two of you which caused you two to turn right in a bolt. Redwing followed along past the windows to cover the two of you.

Sam piped up in the comms. Why are you thanking me? Thank Redwing.

“Im not fucking thanking that thing.” Natasha huffed out as she paused at a corner and peaked around it. “I don't trust it.”

You are gonna hurt his feelings you know.

She signaled just one and back to back you both stepped out, you guarding her while she picked off the lone agent. “That's why I don't trust him. The last robot that had feelings went crazy.”

“Thanks Redwing” You muttered to kill the conversation. “Now can we get out of here, please?” Your eyes roving into all the doorways as you passed when Steve yanked open the door at the end of the hallway, waving you two forward. “This end’s clear, let's get out of here.”

You grinned at him in relief at seeing his shaggy hair falling in his face, a slight cut above his cheek, but nothing more. It was a success, something your little rag tag team needed and he matched your grin. “Get it all.”

“Every last bit, I think we finally got it.” You loosen your stance the closer you and Natasha get to him. Feeling at ease and your guard dropped seeing Steve. Big mistake. Suddenly Sam yelled in the comm. Y/N on your left!

You felt hands on your upper arm and gave a yank, pulling you into the room while the steel door slammed.

“NO!” Steve screamed out and sprinted forward, Natasha already checking the door. The two of them started trying to stronghold it open, Steve grabbing the handle and straining, making the steel groan in protest.

You weren't even given a chance to see who had grabbed you as you dropped your weight, hoping it would throw him off balance and tumble forward. Instead it rewarded you with a bash of your head into the door, making you see stars while you cursed out at the shock. Dazed you tried pushing away from the force behind you that grabbed the back of your neck to bash your face in once more when you kicked out behind you blindly, hoping for anything that would release that hold on your.

A grunt and forceful shove of your body sent you bouncing off the steel and you had the sense of mind to roll away while your assailant doubled over. A smirk formed on your face as you slipped your fingers into your suit, drawing out a switchblade you flicked open. You had managed to get the money shot, the kick hitting him right in his groin.

His head lifted, tears streaming down his face, but murder glaring in his eyes. “You will pay for that Little Girl, your Captain America won’t get in here in time to save his little prize.”

You shifted to the balls of your feet, swinging the blade in your hand for optimum use. “He has nothing to worry about.”

His head cocked over at the vibrating steel door that kept rattling in its frame. “Doesn’t look it to me.”

“Maybe he is trying to get in here to save you from getting your ass kicked by a woman.” His focus on your hand with the knife kept him from noticing you pulling out one of the spider bytes from your belt and flicking it at him, the blue sparks sizzled up his arm making him seize for a second in surprise and you lunged at him, slashing towards his unprotected neck with the switchblade.

He managed to pull away at just the right second, getting a good gash on his jaw instead. His anger propelled him forward, the two of you colliding together. His blows hurt with the force behind them, but you were agile with ducks and sways, using the blade to nick him in various areas whenever you were in arms length, switching to kicks, purposely aiming at his weak points. “You little bitch!” he grabbed at your hair, wrenching at your head to push you around. You spun in the action ignoring the searing pain to land your heel into his shin, hearing the distinct crack that sent both of you to the floor. His next scream was one of pain.

“The Nomad’s little bitch.” you hissed while whipping the man to his back, plunging the blade into his neck, and spurting blood all over you in the move when you yanked it out, his struggles were panicked and quickly grew weak as his life was racing out in red spurts and gurgles. “Get it right.” you hissed out at him.

Steve was losing patience in the few moments him and Natasha were trying to pull the door open. Sam kept monitoring their escape route for any hostiles. “Move Nat.” Steve instructed and wrapped his hands around the handle. Natasha stepped aside while Steve's foot lifted and planted on the wall next to the door.

He pulled back with everything in him. His muscles straining under his suit, and his head falling back as he strained, his body vibrating in power as he groaned in exertion. The door started to groan louder, bolts starting to pop around the door.

“Its almost there Steve!” Natasha encouraged and he gave a yell from exertion, wrenching the door to swing open freely, the bolts popping and the locking mechanism from the other side completely crushed out of shape. Natasha sprang inside, Steve crowding behind her to see you wiping the blade on the agent's shirt, then lifting your sleeve to swipe at the blood on your face.

Steve brushed past Natasha, holding out his hand to help you to your feet and grasping at your face to have you look at him. “Damn it, are you okay.” His eyes worriedly search for any injuries and you grasp at his wrists to ease his hole.

“I’m okay Steve… it's okay.” You assured him while bringing his hands down, giving a reassuring smile. “Promise, I shouldn't have let my guard down.”

“He caught us both by surprise.” Natasha pipped up while checking the body to see if he had anything that would further there intel gathering mission. But nothing was to be found, so she pushed back to a stand and pressed her finger to her comm in her ear. “Back en route Sam, we're heading home.”

‘Bout time, still clear. Let’s get out of here.

The trio made their way from the room and bolted out the west end door, mission complete.

The water pressure was wavering in and out just as you were rinsing the soap off your body, the heat fluctuating too, but you didn't care that the rundown shower was starting to give out. It felt good on your slightly battered body and you were grateful to have it to come back to. As far as hideouts, this one was one of the better ones Steve had managed to secure for the group. Small efficiency apartments in a long forgotten apartment building. The owners were an older retired couple in Florida most of the year, giving them the privacy that a hideout required.

You hummed to yourself as you ran a towel through your hair and slipped into shorts and one of Steve’s shirts, picking at the necks hem to your nose, inhaling slightly. It reminded you of your old home you two shared before all this happened.

The old Brooklyn Brownstone apartment felt like a lifetime ago now and as much as you missed it, you wouldn’t change where you were now with everything that happened. Hanging your towel up, you flicked off the light as you left and paused in the doorway to glance in the efficiencies space. A bed barely big enough for the two of you made up one corner with an old tv that you nor Steve once turned on since using this place. Across the room was a small kitchenette where you could see Steve at now, the slight sway of his shoulder muscles pressing through the fabric of his shirt showed him stirring. A drop to your sight showed two soup cans, the simple quick dinner for both of you. You smiled to yourself feeling affection blossom in your chest at the sight. Maybe neither of you were home in that Brownstone. But that's not what made it home.

It was Steve, it had always been Steve since you knew you loved him.

You made your way into the room and paused at one of the features of this apartment you did love in this old building. An old record player was sitting in the dusty corner when you two first arrived, along with a handful of records. This time you shifted through them, pulling out a Vaughan Monroe’s greatest hits. Easing the record into the cradle, you flicked it on to spin. You noticed Steve tilt his head to listen as you eased the spindle down in the spinning record.

The cackle smoothed out to the smoothness of a slow tune.

I want some red roses for a blue lady,

Mister florist take my order please...

Steve twisted the stoves nob down low with a final stir of the soup before turning towards you. His hand held out for you while you slipped yours into it and drew you closer to him. One of his hands moving to the dip in your waist.

We had a silly quarrel the other day,

I hope these pretty flowers chase the blues away…

You hummed along as you leaned into Steve, pressing your face into his chest as the two of you shuffled over ages old linoleum that was peeling in places, in front of newspaper covered windows that was maybe to keep out the cold as well as maintain the security of this hideout.

I want some red roses for a blue lady,

Send them to the sweetest gal in town,

And if they do the trick, I will hurry back to pick,

Your best white orchid for her wedding gown…

“Mmhh, thank you for cooking us something Steve.” You muttered against the center of his chest, tilting your head up to look at him. His beard was getting shaggier now, but it did nothing to hide the angles of his jaw as hard as it tried, nor his lips that fell to press against your forehead in a gentleness that not many got to see from him. One of your arms circled around his neck to hold on as Steve led you away from the stove towards the center of the room, the single light above them casting shadows around the two of you.

Here it was just the two of you, following the gentle tones of Vaughan Monroe as he sang about picking his best girl flowers. This was home, right here together.

“Thank you for insisting on getting that intel. Sam stopped in while you were in the shower. Natasha is shifting through it all now. There's a lot, more than any of us expected.” His fingers flexed through his shirt, sliding from grasping your hip to the small of your back, pressing you in close while gentle sways took over both of your bodies.

We had a silly quarrel the other day,

I hope these pretty flowers chase her blues away…

“Anytime, I don't mind defying your commands and doing what I want anyways.” You teased, drawing him into a genuine laugh as he shook his head, dropping a signature reprimanding glare at you. One you wouldn’t take seriously this time.

“Why does that not surprise me.” He scoffed as you tangled your fingers in the longer strands at the nape of his neck, pressing down so you could arch to your tiptoes to press your lips against his own, letting the two of you get caught up in the moment together.

“Cause you know me so well Rogers?” Once you two parted you inquired. “That soup is heated through Handsome.”

“Damn straight I do Sweetheart. It can wait, it's not often I get to slow dance with my best gal.” Steve countered and you arched a brow up at him as you two danced back towards the stove, you reached to flick off the stove with a smile before the two of you moved back through the small space of the room.

“You are not even the least bit tired?”

A bit of a secret smirk played the corner of his mouth, lifting it as his eyes roved over your shoulder, studying something before going back to you.

“I can do this all day, Sweetheart.” Steve whispered to you and moved his hands to grasp your hips gently, giving a slight toss so you landed on the squeaky mattress with a yelp of surprise while he followed you over the bed, hands planting by your head as he nipped at your chin and along your jawline, your hands moving to tangle in his hair while you giggled at the sensations of his affection.

“Oh you plan on showing me Nomad?”

He pressed a smile against your neck, muttering. “All night too if that's what it takes.”

The gentle song turned upbeat to an upbeat one, filling the room with the lyrics as you wrapped your hand into Steve’s shirt and pulled him down closer to press you into the mattress as you sought his mouth, whimpering into the kiss you two heatedly shared.

Ev’ryday I love you just a little bit more,

Just a little bit more, just a little bit more’

Ev’ryday I want you just a little bit more,

Then I did the day before…

Tags- @jtargaryen18 @what-is-your-plan-today @stardancerluv @patzammit @princess-evans-addict @fckdeusername @onetwo3000 @stargazingfangirl18 @navybrat817 @nekoannie-chan @angrythingstarlight @ransoms-sweater-holes @donutloverxo @natasha-romanova-anon @jennmurawski13 @that-damn-girl @rainbowkisses31 @pandaxnienke @verdandi-storm @gotnofucks @kelbabyblue @sagechanoafterdark @archy3001 @aliceaddellheidde @princesssterek @goldenfightergir @autumnrose40 @flannellover67 @itsmycorneroftheinternet @bluemusickid @jeremyrennerfanxxxx123 @thatweirdwalangpake @sweetllamaparadise @badbleep88 @viinchester @babiiface95

#catfa 10th anniversary challenge #amber writes #sweater writes #nomad steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x reader #marvel fanfiction #steve rogers fanfiction #steve rogers

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buckybarnessunflower · 2 years

Text

Together Forever chap.1

George and Winnifred Barnes fell in love and got married in June 1913 at the age of 17, Winnifred always dreamed of having a big family with her husband like most other girls her age. It seemed that life had other plans the world was in turmoil with the looming threat of war and the need for the United States to help its allies. George Barnes like most other boys his age enlisted in the Army before graduating high school, more often than not Winnifred spent her days cleaning their apartment and waiting for George to return home after weeks of being away training.

A year after being married, in 1914 George was sent to the frontlines of the battlefield to help fight, Winnifred had stood crying as she watched the train leave the station. Letters were few and far between but each letter was filled with love, filled with words of longing to see each other again and start a family.

In 1915 George was able to come back home briefly before getting sent back to the frontlines again. Winnifred and George were unable to conceive during that time. It wasn’t until 1916 during George’s second time coming home that Winnifred became pregnant, now letters were written with promises of returning home.

On March 10, 1917 James Buchanan Barnes was born, Winnifred cried tears of joy as James first opened his eyes and blue irises gazed up at her as he let out a cry before the nurses took him from her to get him cleaned up.

George smiled brightly seeing his son for the first time, picking him up and kissing his chubby cheeks, “You’re going to be a strong man Bucky” he said and laughed when he looked up at him curiously.

Sarah and Joseph Rogers started out quite similar to George and Winnifred Barnes, they met while in school and quickly fell in love. Sarah much like Winnifred wanted children and couldn’t wait to have them but Joseph was a General in the Army, he quickly rose in ranks due to his quick thinking, his intelligence, and the respect from his fellow soldiers.

Joseph was away even more so than George had been, and sadly it seemed that Sarah would get pregnant but then have a miscarriage. The Doctor told her it could be from stress, when Joseph would return home they never knew when he would be whisked away again to continue fighting. Sarah spent her days working at the local Army recruitment office always hearing the news of soldiers more and more dying on the battlefield, she watched as men dressed in their green uniforms would head out with letters, a flag, and dog tags to the houses of the wives that would soon learn that their husband had died.

Everyday Sarah sat at her desk a wreck, wondering if she would be the next widow, her eyes would fill with tears at the thought that she had yet to have a baby with Joseph. But in 1917 Sarah learned that not only was she pregnant but she was pregnant with twins. Sarah was a very petite woman, it didn’t help that food was scarce with most of the food being shipped to the soldiers but Sarah did her best to stay as healthy as possible for her babies.

On July 4, 1918 y/f/n y/m/n Rogers was born, It took all of Sarah’s strength to push out her baby girl that she had absolutely no strength to push out her other baby. She cried and screamed as she tried and tried to push but the doctor told her the other baby was much smaller than y/n and that they would have to perform a C-section to safely deliver the baby. Sarah was unable to hold y/n before she was wheeled away to the operating room where they were able to safely deliver Steven Grant Rogers.

Joseph was ecstatic to learn that Sarah had a boy and a girl, he couldn’t wait to be able to see them for the first time.

Joseph was not expecting for his son to be so small, a frown was set on his features as he gazed down at the frail boy who looked like was having to use all his strength to even lift his arms reaching for Joseph to hold him. Y/n was in a bed right beside Steve, her wails seemingly not affecting her brother who just wanted to be held. “What’s wrong with him”? Joseph questioned his wife who looked beyond exhausted even a few weeks after giving birth. “The doctor said he is much smaller than what he should be but Joseph he’ll be fine, Y/n is so healthy look at her, she has your eyes. Surely Stevie just needs more food and he’ll be okay.”. Sarah said out of breath from talking.

Joseph and Sarah had been together at home for about a week taking care of their babies when Joseph received a call saying that he was needed back on the frontlines. Joseph looked at his wife who had already started to cry, “I won’t be gone long, I promise I'll be back before you know it” he said before going to pack his bag. Y/n and Steve started to cry, like they knew that their father was leaving to go to war, “Ssshhh calm down little ones, I’m here, Mommy’s here” she said with tears running down her cheeks and trying to desperately get them to stop crying.

Joseph stood in the doorway watching his wife and two newborn babies, he hated that he had to leave, but he had no choice. Walking over to them he gently held y/n in his arms, she quieted down immediately, her small hands raising up at him. Joseph couldn’t help but smile down at her and kiss her hands making her giggle, “I love you y/n” he whispered to her softly, kissing her chubby cheeks before giving her back to Sarah and taking Steve in his arms. “My son” he said as he gazed down affectionately at his abnormally small boy. Steve still cried as Joseph tried to rock him back and forth to sooth him “hey no more crying, you got to be the man of the house until I get back” he said and smiled when Steve stopped crying and gazed up at him with blue eyes that looked so much like Sarah’s, “Yeah you’re going to have to be strong for me, at least until I get back” he whispered again before kissing his cheek.

4 months later, on an early Sunday morning Sarah was woken not by her babies cries like normal but by the incessant knocking on the front door. She fell to her knees when she opened the door and came face to face with an Army officer holding a folded flag and Joseph’s dog tags “I’m sorry ma’am” he had said when he handed her the items before walking away. Sarah cried and cried, she couldn’t believe that now she had to raise their babies on her own, that the love of her life was now gone forever.

Chap.2>

#bucky x you #bucky barnes #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes fanfiction #captain america #captain america imagine #catfa #captain america the first avenger #bucky x female reader #bucky barnes imagines #sergeant james bucky barnes

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royalsweetteaa · 2 years

Text

Timeless lovin’ - Pt. 1

Pairing: 40s/CATFA!Steve Rogers x present!reader

18+ ONLY | MINORS DNI

WARNING - The following story contains: explicit smut (not in this chapter), angst, fluff, developing feelings/slow burn, spoilers, alternative reality.

Pt. | 1 | 2 | 3 |

Second person POV

Steve and you met each other through S.H.I.E.L.D. You first became familiar in 2014 when you became an agent for the agency. Steve worked as a counter-terrorist operative and was frequently put up on extreme missions which required the super soldier. You were in contrast put on easier but secretive missions, those of which required gathering information from anti forces of the U.S. government.

You were both too busy to exchange conversations, but you acknowledged each other with passing greetings. You had always thought Captain America was an admirable man, and you highly respected him. He seemed to have respect for you too, but he was known for having a big heart, and you knew it was anything but exclusive.

In 2015, when Steve was sent on less missions, he engaged in full conversations with you as you also became more available. There was of course the Ultron attack, but apart from that, crimes were quiet at this time around. You were moved over to writing reports at your office of the few missions that were in action. Steve would come by to ask about your well being, and sometimes drop a coffee off at your desk, - being the considerate man he was. A noticeable sexual tension was growing between you two with the way you would talk to each other, but neither of you acted upon it as it wasn’t deemed appropriate at the time. You sometimes wish you did.

Captain America disappeared from the face of the earth one day as a conflict had erupted between him and Iron Man, - also known as the civil war. He went undercover for 2 years without a word from him. You missed him a lot in that duration of time. It took a long time to get used to not having him pop in for a visit and greet you with coffee, just the way you liked it. Everything was as if he never existed, and you eventually accepted things would be that way until he shows up again, - or never.

Then another unthinkable happened in 2018 when half of the population were erased by Thanos. You were all put in a dark place, one that sought comfort from each other. Steve reached out to you at your office after years of not seeing each other, and a need to show more than just friendly kindness became an urge.

What started with desperate kisses and touches turned into rough sex, with you bent over your own office desk with Steve’s cock being thrusted inside of your cunt from behind. He wasn’t shy at all to test the grounds of fucking you, and you couldn’t say you minded with how good it felt to finally have a euphoric release after feeling down for some time.

The next four years would be the best ones of your life despite what would otherwise be the worst ones for many others. You officially became a couple, with Steve asking you out to a first date. One date turned into many, and you soon moved in together. He proposed to you two years into your relationship, and of course you said yes.

You retired as a SHIELD agent and became an office worker instead. Steve worked at several departments to help and restore damages that had been inflicted in the city due to the snap.

Steve had lost so much, but he had told you that he was still able to move on because you were there. You had become his everything. You were a reason for him to keep going. He showed how much you meant to him through his affection and the intimate moments you had. He put so many words perfectly together and made your heart melt with every sweet thing he said to you.

“You’re my doll. I’ll never leave your side, love.”

That used to settle it in your head that you would grow old with him. That you would soon marry, have kids and live the perfect family life, something you both had expressed wanting.

Little did you know at the time that he would do the opposite of what he had promised.

“Steve, I don’t know how I feel about this mission…” you shared when Steve brought up the plan the remaining Avengers had put together of traveling back in time to restore their failure and bring back half of the population that were lost.

“Love, I know you’re scared…I’m nervous about the mission too. But we need to try. We have planned this for a very long time now and you need to trust me when I say everything will work out accordingly to our plan. It’s not going to be like how it went last time. That was our last time failing. We will make everything right.”

Steve reassured, and kissed the top of your head as he stood by the door.

“Once I’m back, we’re getting married, love.” He huskily whispered the promise, and kissed the hand where your ring rested on your finger. “I love you.”

Those three words would be the last thing you heard from him before he left to the Avenger headquarters to go through with the mission.

48 hours later, and Steve had proved you right. It became world news within seconds that the people who were lost 5 years ago were now back and that Thanos had been defeated.

You remember being absolutely thrilled. You were so proud of Steve and the Avengers for managing the impossible. You were given an update from Scott through text that Captain America was doing alright, and that he would need a few days recovery before he could return home.

No one ever informed you about Steve’s second mission of returning the infinity stones to the past.

It was too late when you a week later asked about him and learned he never returned to the present.

2 years later…..

“Okay, so here’s the thing…—“ Bruce started, “The pym particles I have are not completely legit. They are clones produced by Dr. Strange’s sorcery and my knowledge in their substance, and while they match the substances they contain, the outcome from using them might not be completely the same.” He said, and picked one up to showcase you.

You narrowed an eye as you took the one Bruce held up, studying it with interest. “Do you know what kind of different outcome it may give if I use them?”

“Nothing too crazy, just simple things like, - specification of time traveling and whereabouts. You might not get to your chosen destination or year, so you’ll have to be more considerate and prepare for the unexpected.” Bruce hypothesized.

You were positive of going through with time traveling, even with the risks of having a harder time finding Steve. While this could be counted as one of your most challenging missions, you were up to the task.

“You’re still taking a risk though. This isn’t going to be like when we time travelled to get all the time stones where we were able to to go to a specific time and day. You will be sent to an unspecified year and place to your chosen time period. Not to mention we don’t even know where our Steve time travelled and continued his life, -“

“- It doesn’t matter.” You interrupted. “We know he left off for Peggy, so it must mean he left anywhere between Second World War to the beginning of the Cold War anyway. If I have to put my bets, I’ll guess he went back to the earliest time possible to continue his past life and relationship with Peggy. It’s not a big deal if I show up years later after he arrived there as long as I get to talk to him.” You said.

“Alright. If you’re sure about this, I won’t stop you. You have an extra pym particle, so if anything goes wrong, you just need to come back.” Bruce said, more so in question as he narrowed his eye at you.

“Of course, of course.” You reassured. “I just need to do this. It’s been 2 years and nothing has changed. I haven’t come to peace with the terms and I think a good talk and a screaming session with him will give me just that. I need answers. I know it’s pathetic, but honestly can you blame me?”

“I really don’t, Y/N. It was a shocker for all of us that he left behind his life here when he had said so himself that he had come to like it. I don’t know why he came to make that choice, but regardless it wasn’t fair on you. I totally get it.” Bruce sympathized, which made you quirk a smile.

All this time you thought you were insanse for not being able to leave Steve behind. People advised you to move on, and you tried. You went on dates and met new people all the time, but no matter how much you tried to move forward, you were held back by so many questions. Questions that haunted you and made you cry yourself to sleep as you went down memory lane, trying to find a single moment that you should have picked up on to know your relationship with Steve wasn’t everlasting.

But you couldn’t find a single one.

Why? Why did he leave?

What did I do wrong?

Wasn’t I enough?

Was our love ever real?

You didn’t know anymore about the last one. You couldn’t count all the times he had told you he loved you. He reminded you each time he came back from a mission, each time you woke up in bed beside him, each time you made love.

He had you on a chokehold, and he wasn’t there to release his hands on you.

Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard Banner rummaging through something in the storage closet.

“You can’t leave without some real useful gadgets. Here,” He put it on the table and gestured you to open up the safe.

You opened it up cautiously, only to find several cubes slotted safely in the protection cushion. Your eyebrows furrowed with confusion.

“What are these?” You asked, as you picked one up, surprised at how heavy it was.

“These are nanotechnological gadgets. They take forms as these tiny cubes until activated. The one you’re holding right there is a jet pack. Could be quite useful if you have to travel by far.” He explained. He then carefully picked up an earpiece with his hulk hands, “All you gotta do is wear this which is connected to all of them and call out after its given name, ‘Genesis’, for an activation.”

You nodded and took the earpiece into your ear. You looked into the little mirror on the table and saw that it suddenly shifted colour to match your own skin colour. You gasped, impressed by how well it blended. It was as if it wasn’t there.

Bruce laughed, “Isn’t that neat? That’s some ‘James Bond’ stuff right there. Another bonus is even if you loose them, they’ll transport themselves over to your location if you give that order. You can figure out what the rest of these are for by yourself.” He pointed at the other cubes and closed the safe. “Think it’ll be more fun for you that way.”

You chuckled, before a thought came to mind as you realized the suitcase was under the Stark industries trademark. “These were Mr. Stark’s though, weren’t they?…I couldn’t possibly take them.”

“It’s cool, I took part in creating these. I’m sure if he was still here with us right now, he’d lend one of his iron suits. Unfortunately I don’t have access to those as they are under Pepper’s name and all. I can only offer the things I have in the lab.” He said with an apologetic shrug.

Your eyes widened and you immediately shook your head, “Oh, no these will absolutely do! Thank you so much Bruce! I owe you a big one.”

He laughed. “Sure thing, kid. Now, let’s get started on this time traveling so you can kick America’s ass.”

You were up on the Time Heist machine with the safe and a backpack full of essentials, giving Bruce a final wave goodbye before you were swirled into the quantum realm for a nanosecond and into the past.

You were suddenly in an empty street corner of what you could presume was somewhere downtown New York. The town looked like it was in its fetus stage as you made your way to the Main Street, with barely any skyscrapers coming to view.

The team suit transformed and gave you conservative clothing, one that could pass as casual for women to wear during the 40s to 50s. There were young boys running around, selling the newest flyer to the curious adults, and posters promoting drafting were hung up on every light pole.

For some reason, you weren’t receiving any data of what time you had appeared in, but you could only guess it was the mid 40s based on your current surroundings.

Nervously you met the eyes of busy women and men who you passed by, not being mentally prepared for the social aspects of being in a time period of which your grandparents were probably living their early years of their youth. You were already feeling uncanny from knowing how out of place you were, but you could only remind yourself that this was just a quick visit to give Steve a piece of your mind.

“Genesis, I would like to have access of all governmental archives mentioning Steve’s proximities at this current time period.”

Genesis gave you multiple suggestions, but the primarily suspected location of Steve’s current whereabouts was a military base in Port Jervis.

2 and a half hour train ride? Not bad at all.

It sounded a lot better than using the jet pack, especially when other options were available.

You walked in a phone booth and unlocked the safe, reading through the functions to find what you were looking for.

“Genesis, I’d like to unlock the printer and print 20 US dollars and a fake ID card registered under military record, please.”

“Amy Preston from Newsburgh military base, is that right?” You nodded in response to the soldier who was checking your ID by the gate of Port Jervis military base. “What brings you here?” He asked.

“I have a couple of errands to run in connection with the mission in planning, sir.” You explained, as you straightened your military uniform and rested your elbows on the front desk. “The Howling commandos will be sent to Italy to infiltrate Hydra bases, and we may have some input of several coordinations which suggests where else they are hiding.” You reached out the documents which were actually accurate future knowledge.

You could tell the soldier was anything but focused on the papers though as he eyed your breasts through your clothes which you were firmly squeezing together to give off your sex appeal.

He cleared his throat and only took a few glances at the papers before returning them to you. “Alright ma’am, you may pass. Hope you have a pleasant stay with us while you’re here.” He said smugly, and winked at you before you carried on. You could only fake a smile until he was out of sight, your face pulling one of disgust.

The base was large, reaching as far as up to a hill. Vehicles were creating a traffic by the gate with several soldiers sitting on the open back trunks.

Some whistled at you as you walked past them, but you could care less of giving them your time of day. Your eyes scanned the area with interest for the one man you were looking for.

You walked around for a good half an hour, sneaking into tents to see if any of the men in there were Steve, but you had no such luck of spotting him. Then, as you walked though the weapon supplies area, a familiar face came to view. You saw Dum Dum Dogan talking to a fellow soldier, the man who after Steve’s presumed death would become the new leader of the Howling commandos. He was one of Steve’s close friends during the war. He had told you as such himself.

He has to be somewhere close then.

You reached the corner of a huge tent, and that was when you halted your steps. You had found him.

There he was. Carrying on with his duties as if he had never been frozen in ice for 70 years, become a beloved hero of the 21st century and captured your heart, promising a future as lovers only to break it and leave you behind.

He stood there, talking to Jim Morita, yet another one of his soldier buddies with what looked like a map as they were discussing something.

Your head boiled with fury, the sight of him alone making you want to scream your heart out.

I might just do that actually, You thought.

Fuck it.

“Steven Grant Rogers, — you piece of absolute garbage!” You called out after him, saying his name with pure venom.

Steve immediately turned to where his name had been called, completely dumbfounded as you stormed towards him, your steps firm as you kept your form tall and straight. The soldier excused himself and walked away, leaving more privacy to whatever this would be about.

“You really thought it would be this easy, didn’t you? That you could leave your girlfriend of 4 fucking years without as much as a goodbye? An explanation? An apology?” You spat at his face.

“Pardon, ma’am, I don’t think I follow -“

“Oh, shut up and cut the bullshit! You left me! Without a word! How could you?!” You shouted, your face flaring up with the pent up anger you had waited to release on him for 2 years. “You left for another woman who you hadn’t seen for decades and you thought I’d be okay with it? Because I’ll have you know I was not and am still not over what you did to me! After everything we’ve been through together, and you left it all, — like it meant nothing! Fuck You!”

Soldiers around the area were subtly following the the interaction from afar, some even snickering as the Captain was being told off by some woman who they could only assume was one of his many fangirls making a fit.

Steve looked around, embarrassed and confused as he sighed and said, “Please refrain from using that kind of language, there’s really no need to cuss at me when I don’t even know you. You must be mistaking me for someone else... ”

You saw Steve swallow, clearly getting agitated from your confrontation. You frowned at his mannerism. What was up with him?

Steve usually never showed nervousness and was good at keeping his composure.

You blinked, “What do you mean?….You really don’t know who I am?”

“No, I really don’t…no offense of course, but I’m pretty sure I would remember the face of my own girlfriend, - since that’s what you claimed to be earlier anyway…” he said with a sheepish smile.

You were frozen with disbelief.

“What month and year is it?”

“November, 1944, ma’am. Why?”

Wait…

Wait a moment…

Oh shit.

“So you don’t -…you aren’t my…”

You didn’t even want to complete that sentence as you knew there was no use. This was in fact not your Steve. You hadn’t considered how it wouldn’t be convenient for Steve to go in a time where his past self was still living.

Steve must have obviously travelled back after his past self got trapped in the Arctic. And now your last chance of having a talk with your Steve was put on a major stall because the time machine decided to be a real ass and send you the year before past Steve goes missing in the Arctic.

Actually it wasn’t technically in a year’s time, but 4 months since Steve would go on that mission and land the Hydra ship in February of 1945, 7 months before the war ends, - but still.

You had no idea at how long of a time you would have to wait for him regardless. You were internally having a meltdown, all the while Steve was standing there, not sure of what to make out of the whole interaction.

“Ma’am?…Are you feeling okay?” Steve asked with worry, his face tilted as he studied your empty expression.

You gulped and slowly nodded your head. “Erm…yeah, I’m fine…I just…” you shook your head dismissively as you pinched the bridge of your nose. “Actually, no. I’m not fine. At all. This is so bad. Worst part is I can’t even talk to you about it because you, - you don’t even know me yet. You don’t, - shit.” You cursed as tears were building up in your eyes.

You looked away as you began taking a few steps back, not wanting to showcase the misery you have kept in for so long and weren’t able to release because the right man wasn’t in front of you.

“Hey, don’t cry…I’m sure whatever you’re going through, you’ll find a way to solve it…” Steve tried to console as best as he could. He had frowned at the part where you had mentioned you couldn’t tell him because he didn’t know you ‘yet’, which left him to assume you were having a mental breakdown, or was simply confused.

Meanwhile in your mind, you were thinking of what you should do. You were figuring out how you were going to make this whole mission worthwhile, - if maybe you should tell him everything so you could get answers from him. After all, you were talking to the Steve who had fresh memories of the woman who he apparently loved more than you.

He was still Steve, but yet it didn’t feel right to put the heat on him as he had none of the experiences your Steve had. You felt stuck.

40s Steve POV

The woman’s lack of response in contrast to when she first came up to me left me concerned. My first assumption was she had some kind of mental illness. I couldn’t make any sense of what she had said to me, apart from knowing my full name.

“Ma’am, if you’d let me, I’ll take you to get help from the medical committee. It’s at the center of this base, -“

“I’m not sick, Steve!” She interrupted with frustration.

I flinched, not expecting for her to go full volume with her voice again.

“I-I apologize, I didn’t mean to insinuate you were…” I stuttered, and looked around again to see eyes were still on us from a distance. “Look, if you’d like to talk, we should maybe move somewhere else more…private. I would appreciate not attracting a crowd…”

She sighed and closed her eyes for a brief moment before she nodded in agreement. “Let’s.”

I took her with me to an unoccupied office where we could have a private talk about whatever she wanted to tell me. Her face maintained a pondering look, as if she was thinking about how to put words into sentences.

I could already tell I was in for more confusion.

“I came here to talk to you, but not you. I don’t, - I’m not sure how and if I should explain it…you’re not my Steve Rogers.” She said the last part in a whisper, but I heard it very clearly due to my enhanced hearing.

This dame is absolutely out of her mind, I thought.

“Then let’s begin with me pointing something out. You’re dressed in uniform, but you’re clearly not from our base. You’re missing a Howling commando pin on both sides of your suit. In fact, I don’t think you work for the military at all considering you’re missing a US star patch on your right arm.”

I didn’t miss the way she cursed under her breath as she looked up again to respond. “I had it on when I dressed up,…guess it was by pure luck I got in. I’m not surprised though. That soldier by the gate was practically checking me out.”

I didn’t expect her to be humorous, and she earned a chuckle from me as I wasn’t too surprised to hear that. Many soldiers were unfortunately too distracted in their male gaze.

“Of course. So, where are you from then? Did someone send you? Are you a spy?” I asked, and narrowed an eye with suspicion.

“No. — I mean, I guess I could say I sent myself if that counts.” She answered with a shrug.

I shook my head, unamused by this woman’s game. “If you’re not going to be serious about this, I’ll have to send you in for temporary arrest and have you interrogated by a professional. It’s illegal for you to be here, you know.” I held her arm, to which she immediately protested by shaking her arm off.

“No need to have me on your grip. It’s not like I can outrun you anyway. You can run a mile in a minute.”

I crossed my arms, caught off guard that she was being factual about my physique, though no information of it had been released to the public from my knowledge. “How did you know that?”

“I know a lot of things about you, - because I was your fiancé.“ she said, as if it was the obvious.

“Okay,” I sighed and decided to play along for a little bit more. “If we are that close, tell me something no one else knows about me.”

She bit the inside of her cheek as she took a minute to think. For a moment I thought she didn’t have anything more to say. I turned around and wiped my eyes from drowsiness, until she opened her mouth again and said something that would completely shift the atmosphere;

“A strong heart will take you further than any physical strength. A strong heart means you'll never quit. —”

I stiffened, my face immediately turning to look at her, my focus not shifted on anything else anymore.

“— Sarah. Your mother said that to you before she died of tuberculosis in 1936.”

My stomach dropped when her eyes met mine again. I took steps forward, my face only inches away as my glare drilled into hers.

My jaw ticked as my eyebrows narrowed, my hands landing on her shoulder to not have her move away.

“How do you know that? Who are you?”

Her lips quirked a smile as she leaned in and said, “I’ve already told you. I was your fiancé, -

From the future anyway.”

N/A: First part of a 4-5 part series! Already working on part 2 & 3, so this should go somewhat smoothly. >:)

Also fuck Endgame!Steve, am I right?

Hearts & Reblogs are very appreciated! <;3

#steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers #cevans characters #chris evans #chris evans character fanfiction #chris evans x reader #captain america x y/n #captain america x reader #captain america x you

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anika-ann · 3 years

Text

My Timid Hello, My Clumsy Goodbye (S.R.)

Type: one-shot, canon semi-compliant?

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Barton!reader Word count: 8900 (...sorry)

Summary: You’re spending the evening and the night before your wedding with the two most important men of your life.

When the sun rises again, you’ll say your ‘I do’ in a close circle of friends and family. It’s not a goodbye to your old life and it’s not a hello to some enormous change; but you will no longer be a Barton. You will be a Rogers. Why not reminisce a bit?

Warnings: mention of an abandoned baby, blood and injuries, alcohol, implied possibly rougher sex (nothing graphic) ...mature?, language, so much sappiness... let me know if I missed any

A/N: For what-is-your-backupplan-today 10th anniversary of CA:TFA challenge. Prompts in bold. Thank you for coming up with this wonderful theme and hosting this challenge! Long live CA:TFA!

A/N: Throughout the fic, you’ll find snippets of lyrics from SYML’s "Everything All At Once”. Honestly, the song has a completely different meaning to me, but tearing it out of context works for this story just fine :) When you’re done reading, I recommend the music video. It friggin’ broke me in the worst and best ways. Enjoy!

This is my hello This is my clumsy goodbye I'm putting my glass down I wanna remember tonight

Tony rented an island for you. Clint nearly passed out learning about it and grumbled for days about having a hard time to top that, which, no arguing, was understandable.

It was an incredibly extravagant thing to do, throwing around money that could have been used for a much more honourable cause, but you couldn’t complain. One should not look a gifted horse into mouth – and so you didn’t.

Because Tony Stark renting an island was his premature wedding gift. The fact that your brother bitched about not being able to top that, well, that was his problem. You were certain that deep down, he knew you didn’t need any fancy gifts like that.

Then again, Tony’s gift might have been epically overpriced, but not exactly unthoughtful; along with a private island came a private jet and you being literally flied under radar so no single paparazzi knew where you and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers would seal the deal with your ‘I do.’ So, you were everything but ungrateful to your friend that he succeeded at pulling off such covert operation; and frankly, this place was nothing short of wonderful.

The golden sand was pleasantly warm under your toes as you as you and Clint walked towards the two single beach chairs facing the ocean. Wearing bikini under the baggy t-shirt and a pair of shorts, sunglasses on top of your head, because why would you deprive yourself the gorgeous view of the sun beginning to set down, you followed your brother – not in blood but in every other sense – to the seats, allured by the view, the serenity and the cold sixpack in his hand.

You had already had a traditional bachelorette party with your girls – with the team, with your family. Natasha, Wanda, Pepper, Sharon and Maria. The night had been the perfect blend of what was considered typically feminine, dress up, fanciness and wine and gossip, and a fun night out with shots, dancing, karaoke and pool. That particular night sadly was interrupted shortly by an annoying photographer, but he soon understood it was not very clever to annoy three and a half Avengers or the CEO of Stark Industries for that matter.

Clint however… Clint deserved a special evening with you. With the rest of the team in various state of chilling out, scattered around the luxurious small houses and gorgeous beaches, you two were left the privacy such moment required.

Even if the special moment consisted of simple talking and drinking beer while watching the sun set, a symbolic end of one phase of your life – a phase that was undeniably tied to the famous and yet barely known archer, one of the seven defenders who rushed into the Battle of New York to save the Earth.

One of the seven had been your brother, having previously been controlled by the monster who brought an army from outer space; there was no questioning whether you would join the fight or not, no matter how you preferred the latter part of your field medic job title to the former.

Another of these brave people, as it turned out, was your future husband. A man you had met for the first time that day, but whom you didn’t hesitate to push back down when he got hit by a freaking alien weapon and stood up, wanting to shake it off as if it was nothing. Your medical training told you not to let him; and your stubbornness had been just a touch stronger than his that day.

Apparently, Steve found you always standing your ground to be one of your most endearing qualities.

What a fancy way to express it instead of simply calling you a stubborn pain in his ass.

“You’re lost in your head, Twinkie,” Clint hummed, playfully nudging your ribs with an elbow, bringing you back to the present.

Your nose automatically scrunched at the childhood nickname.

“You gotta stop calling me that, Bobo,” you retorted, a grin spreading on your face as it was his turn to grimace.

You knew it was nothing but an act and that he in fact loved that nickname, because it held so much sentiment, so many memories… as did his endearment for you.

Bobo had been your first word or so Clint always claimed. Obviously, you wouldn’t remember.

You wouldn’t remember your parents, having been only two days old when your mother left you with a damn circus which was in your hometown at the time. You couldn’t recall how you wouldn’t stop crying until you heard a seven-year-old Clint humming a lullaby for you, with silly replacements of lyrics that always made you laugh later on when you could understand them.

How he started calling you Twinkie, because he was a sugar addict and apparently, you were sweet and small and he liked you; so much that he soon appointed himself to be your brother, your bro, your Bobo.

Once you were older and learned that your involuntary nickname for him also meant ‘crazy’ in Spanish, you were sold to that Bobo endearment forever.

Including the night before your wedding.

“You keep zoning out on me, Kid. Getting cold feet?” Clint hummed, casually handing you a can of beer, opening it up for you.

You automatically reached out and took a sip, eyes fixed on the warm colour on the horizon. What a ridiculous question… but kind and caring, with a hidden promise of getting you out of here if you just asked. Your amazing, protective, crazy brother.

You couldn’t but smile widely, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

“You offering to kidnap the bride, Clint? I’d like to see you try. You were always better at trapeze than at being an escape artist.”

Clint scoffed. “Please. These are amateurs. I bet I could pull it off.”

That drew a laugh from you.

“Are you calling the Avengers amateurs? Better yet, are you calling your wife an amateur?” you teased him, watching his face lose colour when he realized that he did exactly that. You leaned over and patted his thigh. “Don’t worry, Bobo. I won’t tell Nat.”

Clint visibly relaxed, but a shadow of worry twisting his expression.

“Seriously though. Where’s your head at, Kid?”

You just shrugged, smile resting on your lips as you wondered if you ever felt so relaxed. It went along well with the reminiscing of the past and despite the fact that tomorrow was a big day and you should probably be nervous, you weren’t. Not in the slightest, more like the opposite. You were giddy even; it dawned to you that nothing in your life had ever felt so right.

No moment in your life offered you such serenity to your heart, your shoulders free of any weight, body light as air.

“Just taking a trip down the memory lane. Thinking about how lucky I was to be dropped at your circus of all circuses of the world,” you grinned at Clint, your tone remaining completely serious.

Because you were being serious – words couldn’t express how grateful for everything that led to this moment you were. How grateful you were to your brother for watching over you, making sure you would always see the light of a new day, guiding you when you found yourself in a dark.

Clint didn’t react beside his fingers twitching and you knew he was giving you the chance to say what you needed to say.

“About how you taught me pretty much everything I know. About how while I might not be the best person in the world, my brother, who is the best brother ever, made me into a decent person and I owe him everything I am. And how I should probably feel guilty for tying myself to another guy who just swept in and whisked away your little sister.”

Clint stared at you, gulping as his eyes gradually filled with tears. You found yourself in a very cheesy moment, bordering on absurd and it was almost too much to handle – but Clint took a deep breath, cleared his throat and swallowed his tears.

“Well, that bastard did steal my greatest life achievement with way too little effort,” he remarked, voice cracking slightly, the image of him causing your eyes to burn as well even if his words made you both tear up and burst out laughing.

“Dammit, Clint, stop making me laugh and cry at the same time…”

“You started it!” he pointed his index finger at you accusingly, taking a large sip of his beer to drown his sentiment. “But for the record, you should not feel guilty. It’s not like you’re leaving me.”

“I know, but-“

“And if you were, you’d be leaving me in good hands.”

“That’s true, Natasha does have a grip on you and might keep you outta trouble-“

“She’s the one who gets me into trouble half of the time!” Clint cried out in protest and you would have argued if it wasn’t the truth.

But before he had met her, Clint was able to make up his own trouble just fine – he was more than half of a reason why while doing a bit of trapeze yourself, you also grew interested in medical care. Because who else than the little sister should treat her big brother’s wounds when he got too crazy?

“In all seriousness, I’m proud of you, Twinkie,” he said sincerely, one corner of his lips raised in a lopsided smile. “You’re entirely entitled to have your own life and if there’s one guy in this whole damn world I’m willing to trust to have you… well, I guess it’s that big blond dumbass.”

“He can be a bit dumb of ass occasionally, can’t he?” you mused lovingly. “I guess it’s right what they say… we do pick our partners similar to our parents, maybe not only in looks. I didn’t really have a dad, I had you, so…”

Clint sighed, smile widening, before it slipped from his face as he caught up on the not-so-hidden insult.

“Hey!”

You couldn’t but laugh at his shocked expression, accidently spilling a splosh of beer on the sand.

“Just… maybe make sure that even married, you still find time to hang out with your big dumb of ass brother every once in a while?” Clint suggested, sounding surprisingly vulnerable.

Your whole demander softened, a little pang of guilt stinging in your heart as he took your words too seriously – and at his worry.

“Clint… I will always find time for my amazing brother.”

“Well, you’re marrying a pretty amazing guy too, so, you know, I understand the dilemma…”

You snorted when he seemed to genuinely fawn over your future husband, shaking your head before downing the rest of your drink.

“As amazing as Steve might be – and gosh, he is, don’t get me started – you still own a pretty big chunk of my heart.”

“Good. You are a Barton at heart,” Clint hummed, pretending that a few tears didn’t roll down his cheeks, leaning towards you as his expression once again grew serious.

Your chest tightened. Oh no. He was gonna say something to make you cry too – as if you already weren’t at verge of crying, emotions bubbling under the surface.

“Clint-“ you warned him silently, but he spoke up anyway and you gulped, bracing yourself.

“Just… whatever happens tomorrow, you must promise me one thing. That you will stay who you are. Not a perfect housewife, but a good woman.”

That was not what you were prepared for, as touching as the sentiment was.

You burst out laughing, head thrown back, hands clutching at your stomach as it actually hurt with the sudden clench. Tears did spring from your eyes, a perfect blend of touched and infinitely amused at your brother’s words.

“Har, har, that’s what I get from trying to speak from heart…” Clint muttered grumpily and you willed yourself to calm your hitching breaths as you looked at him, the pout of his mouth causing you to cackle again.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just… I am moved, I really am. Thank you. But me? A perfect housewife? And you realize I’m marrying Steve Rogers, right? The epitome of a good man? He would probably threaten to sock me in a jaw if I tried to change into something I’m not just for his sake and actually sock me in my jaw if I turned into a bad woman.”

Clint’s eyebrows jumped, a smirk appearing on his face. “That’s a lot of punching.”

“My thoughts exactly,” you agreed, reaching for another can, pausing when a thought occurred to you. “Just so we’re clear, I might turn into a bit of a housewife when we have kids, alright? And I want to be a good wife, a good partner to Steve, which is what I’m trying to do even now.”

“I mean, yeah, sure, wouldn’t expect anything less. But… just promise me you’ll stay you and that you’ll keep giving him a run for his money, keep him on his toes a bit,” Clint shrugged with a grin, drawing another chuckle from you.

You saw his point – and you fully intended to keep Steve on his toes. You had a good reason to believe that your future husband enjoyed when you did.

“Oh Clinton… I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

He nodded contentedly, picking up another beer and raising it for a toast, his can clinking with yours.

“Cheers to that!”

A comfortable silence settled between the two of you then, a quiet joy wrapped in one moment; the sun ending its quest, the warm breeze in your hair, the waves whispering of a journey you were about to take off to. And all that with a wordless comforting presence of your family, ready to offer you a shelter if a storm rocked your boat and the wind caused you to lose course.

As your mind wandered, you had to laugh at yourself – it was almost as if you were raised by pirates and not circus performers. Perhaps it was the little bit of free cheeky spirit these life journeys had in common what brought the metaphor to your mind. It was a bit like working with the Avengers too, always on a road, adrenaline in your veins even as you mostly stayed on the jet, ready to assist them… yet here you were pondering that maybe, you were yearning for settling down a bit more.

“Cap wouldn’t punch you anyway, right?” Clint remarked, breaking the silence and you blinked yourself back into reality, taking a moment to figure out what he was talking about.

Oh. Right. Steve punching you if you changed yourself significantly for his benefit.

You smiled softly, heart swelling in affection when the answer to that question appeared obvious.

“No, he wouldn’t.”

“Good. He’d try once and I’d put an arrow straight between his eyes,” Clint promised darkly, almost causing you to choke at the sudden violent note. He quickly fixed it with a ramble, lightening the atmosphere yet again. “Minus training of course. He’s allowed to try in order to improve your hand-to-hand. Not that he would ever land a hand on you anyway. Always so soft on you…” he grinned, seemingly alright with that attitude if not slightly calling the big strong supersoldier out.

Oh you could be cheeky too alright if that was what your brother wanted.

“That you know of.”

A confused huh was the only reaction you got – that and a puzzled look.

“He’s always soft on me,” you repeated Clint’s words, turning to him, lips slowly spreading in a wicked smirk. “That you know of.”

Clint’s brows furrowed for a short moment and then his features twisted in a disgusted grimace, face growing a tint crimson.

“Gross!” he complained, more blood rushing to his cheeks. “You know what, I changed my mind. We’re leaving. You’re not marrying him. I’m kidnapping the bride and never returning her, locking her somewhere far far away-“

You snorted at his indignation, your grin undoubtedly battling the one of the Cheshire cat.

“No will do, Bobo. I’m marrying Steve and you can’t stop me.”

This time, Clint didn’t even protest, eyes misted over, nose still scrunched at the mental image, lamenting as the night slowly settled over the paradise-like island.

“Oh god, please help, I can’t unsee it, can’t unhear it--- ew-”

Your laughter was carried away by the breeze as Clint seemed to be unable to look at you.

You swung your beer around, thinking that yes – nothing quite ever felt so right as being here in this moment. Relaxing with your brother, teasing him relentlessly and counting down hours to when you’d say ‘I do’ to the only man who in your eyes ever battled the mantle of the best man in the universe.

In one unending moment You fall within my reach I'm close enough to whisper Hold on to me Hold on to me

You weren’t sure what time it was when you snuck into the beach house, one of few, which had been wisely chosen to be occupied by you and Steve only. You attempted to be quiet and liked to think you succeeded, in your even barely tipsy state, but your effort turned out to be in vain as you found Steve perched against headboard of your bed; reading a book, thin white t-shirt and sleep shorts on display as the soft sheet had been kicked away, scrunched up by his feet.

He was gorgeous – he was gorgeous and yours, a momentary picture perfect of peace, appearing to feel just as light as you did and somehow the dullness of the moment, just him relaxing in bed with a good read as you came home… it was more alluring than one would think.

Steve looked up from the book when you wavered in the doorway, soft lopsided smile spreading on his face.

God, that smile. It might be over two years since you saw it for the first time, but it could still make you weak in your knees.

And somehow, it was now even more charming now than the day you met, more tender than just before you kissed for the first time, sweeter than when he proposed.

“Hey sweetheart,” he greeted you, appreciative gaze roaming your figure and the little too much skin on display – something you regretted when the warm sunrays had bid you goodbye, raising goosebumps. And Steve, the attentive man he was, noticed, his smile earning a teasing edge. “You look a bit cold in there.”

You resisted the urge to stick your tongue out.

“And you look pretty cosy in there. Thought you’d be either asleep or with Bucky.”

Steve shrugged, not letting go of his unfinished chapter just yet, knowing you had a routine to go through before joining him.

“Maybe I missed you. Maybe Bucky is an old man and needs his sleep.”

You chuckled, not rising to the bait – you knew what would follow if you dared to say Steve was just as old. Not that you would complain about Steve trying to convince you about the opposite. You could never.

“Well, I bet he still made you a promise of breaking a bone of mine or two if I ever hurt you. He’ll find energy for that, centenarian or not,” you hummed nonchalantly as you bounced off the doorframe, heading to the bathroom and leaving Steve puzzled by your remark.

“How did you know?” he called out after you, endearingly confused.

“That’s what big brothers do, love!”

Short silence was your answer as you reached for your toothbrush and begun your nighty ritual.

Steve must have figure out what did it mean for him, considering you had a protective brother of your own, because a moment later, his half-amused “noted!” reached your ears.

You chuckled and shook your head, smile spread on your face which you didn’t think could be erased as long as you were in this paradise – free of worry, full of joy. And why wouldn’t you be? You were about to marry one of the smartest, kindest, sassiest and most beautiful men that ever walked the Earth. What was not to love?

You couldn’t but let your mind wander again; if you had only known the day you met, right from that moment, that you’d end up here…. well. It felt a little surreal, knowing that by this time tomorrow, you’d be Steve’s wife; then again, Steve’s life story was surreal enough on its own.

Who would have thought that the stubborn handsome man in the ridiculous suit and you, equally stubborn about you at least checking on the wound upon half-dragging him to a quiet corner in a middle of a battlefield, would grow so close?

It hadn’t been simple. Steve wasn’t the most open guy and while friendly enough, he wasn’t exactly offering his heart on his sleeve, not to strangers. But it hadn’t been too hard, once you were meeting on regular basis. Piece by piece he revealed his true colours and soon after he did… you started falling; hard and fast.

Not necessarily swooning, not on the outside at least; you were a professional, after all. The safety and the well-being of the team was your priority.

It was just too bad – or the best thing, you supposed – that Steve had the same goal as you with one significant difference; as far as he was concerned, the responsibility to look after his team sometimes excluded him.

Oh, was he wrong about that.

And boy, did you let him know you thought so. You still kept proving him wrong to this day and was planning on nurturing his own acknowledgement of his self-worth till your last breath…

“Get your ass in here, Steve!” you called out after him, slowly losing patience as you had tried asking politely the previous two times with no result but being dismissed.

The change of tone and language made his head snap to you from where he was talking to Sam, an offended scowl on his face.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me, Captain. Don’t be a stubborn jerk and get your ass in here so I can clean your cuts.”

A few months ago, you wouldn’t have been able to talk to him like that; to the great legend, Captain America. At least you certainly wouldn’t have called him his first name and maybe, just maybe, you’d be a little less crass. But now? He might be Captain America still, a hero who deserved all the good things for the sacrifices he made for the world’s safety, but first and foremost, he was just Steve to you.

A colleague, a teammate, a friend. You might not be a part of the team per se, not the way Clint, Natasha or Steve were, but you still belonged. And you were all friends.

Friends irritated each other sometimes and frankly, Steve was often battling with Tony for the mantle of the most infuriating one.

Friends also needed to call each other out on their bullshit by any means necessary when the time was right and now the time was as good as any.

Usually, Steve slipped through your fingers, because he was a supersoldier and the others weren’t, so their injuries took precedence; today, it was only Natasha, Sam and Steve, and the captain was the only one whom you hadn’t checked yet. And you knew there were things to check, the trickle of blood from his eyebrow probably the least of your concerns.

“I wouldn’t argue with her, Steve. She can be pretty stubborn. Clint wouldn’t stop complaining about it,” Natasha supported you from the pilot seat and you fought yourself so you wouldn’t grin at her in victory – it would only irritated Steve further. “She’s almost as bull-headed as you are.”

At that, your smile would have slipped. But honestly, she wasn’t wrong.

“Don’t I know it,” Steve grunted, sparing Sam another glance and when the Falcon himself beckoned to you as well, wordlessly asking Steve to get himself checked up.

The captain sighed irately, but made his way back to the separate and well-lit space of your examination room.

He didn’t try to hide his annoyance – in fact, he squared his shoulders and his steps sounded a bit loud for anyone to believe it was a coincidence. Also, the scowl of exasperation never left his otherwise handsome face.

“This is completely unnecessary. A stupid waste of time,” he hissed as he walked past you and you took a deep calming breath, exchanging an eyeroll with Sam before you disappeared from sight.

“Captain. I respect you and your position, but you say one more time that my job here is unnecessary and stupid, you’ll be looking for a new medic,” you retorted as he stripped the upper part of his uniform angrily, revealing his white-tank-top-clad torso.

Well, at least the fabric used to be white – now a blood stain the size of both of your palms was seeping into the material at Steve’s right side, gushing from what definitely appeared to be a knife wound.

You were gonna murder him one of those days... unless he got killed himself first.

“Seriously?!”

“It’s just a graze-” he started to argue but you cut him off when you tore the fabric away. He winced as some of the dried blood had acted as a glue, having stuck the cloth into the wound, and now was violently ripped off.

“Tr to insinuate again that I’m incompetent at recognizing what’s just a graze, Steve. I dare you. This is a cut wide and deep enough for stitches! Haven’t you had the serum, you could have been bleeding out to death on this table!”

“But I do have it-“

“Or for fuck’s SAKE, stop being a baby and let me treat the bloody gash in your right mesogastric area! The serum accelerates your healing, but it doesn’t make you invincible OR immortal as far as I know--- Jesus fucking Christ-!”

He bristled, taking a deep breath to fight back, but he never got the chance, because you started working and the words died in his throat. Surprisingly, inspecting the damage, poking around a knife wound that might have already begin to seal itself thanks to Erskine’s formula but had not been just a graze hurt and coincidentally, it pulled the rug from under his feet.

To his credit, Steve barely even hissed at the pain.

“Just so you know, I’ll be using the disinfection that stings worse,” you noted, voice dripping venom, because you were genuinely done with Steve’s bullshit.

You lied through your teeth though. You wouldn’t. No matter how infuriating Steve was and how difficult he made your life – causing you to fall for his stupid martyr ass and pine after him among other things – you would never purposely hurt him.

And he must have sensed that, because your remark didn’t earn you a murderous glare or a retort – much to your surprise.

In fact, Steve fell entirely quiet, watching you work without protest, not even objecting when you applied enough local anaesthetic to knock out an elephant and sewed the tissue together so it healed easier. He let you inspect the rest of his torso and bandage his ribs, vigorously shaking his head when you asked him if he was injured anywhere below the waist.

He observed you as you kept an eye on his face for any minute sign of pain he’d be hiding, but all you could see were his irises, startlingly bright blue, pools of honesty and something you had trouble decoding. He seemed… humbled almost. It silenced the anger inside you, the flames of rage – and fear for his well-being, if you were being honest with yourself – turning into a barely smouldering pile of ash.

When you moved on to his head, gently pushing away the strands which obscured the gash on his eyebrow, his eyelids slid shut. You knew how unpleasant facial injuries were, especially around one’s eyes and so you took care to be extra careful as you cleaned the wound and the area surrounding it, most definitely not using the stingy disinfectant.

Not that Steve could get an infection as far as you knew. It was more force of a habit than anything else… and it made you feel better. He had this idiotic mask of an invincible hero he put up sometimes and it drove you insane, because you knew he was only human, a beautiful kind soul, but god, could he be an ass.

“Almost done,” you whispered soothingly when you noticed his jaw tightening as you had to apply a bit more pressure to get a tiny piece of gravel from the cut. You certainly didn’t want that to stay under the newly healing skin.

The moment you retreated with the bloody gauze, Steve’s eyes were back on you, wide and regretful.

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, a genuine apology that sounded almost absurd after you two were hissing at each other like damn hellcats. “I didn’t mean to--- I’m sorry for being rude and ungrateful. Thank you for taking care of my injuries.”

One glance into those deep irises and benign hesitant smile and you were done for. How could you stay mad at him? Well, you were still mad at him for the absolute disregard of his own health, but… well. You also understood he felt like he needed to stay strong for the team and put them first and how he actually was in pain.

Pretty much everyone was a pain in the ass when in pain.

You sighed as you searched for few band-aid strips to cover the cut.

“It’s alright, Steve. I’m used to old men being grumpy and not meaning things they say when they are,” you offered lightly and he hung his head with a chuckle, clearly not taking the old man remark personally – and understanding you were referring to your brother.

His smile was wider when he looked up again. “You shouldn’t have to be used to it.”

You shrugged, carefully slipping two fingers under his chin to angle his face so you could stick the strips over the wound.

“Well, I deserve it sometimes. I don’t mean to… to be overbearing and make you feel like you’re incompetent or something,” you added hesitantly, worrying your teeth over your lower lip as the tone you’d been handling him with caught up with you. Perhaps you could have been nicer.

You smoothened the stripes of band-aid, gulping as you felt Steve’s gaze boring into your face while you continued.

“I know you’re not incompetent. You’re very capable, you’re the best. It’s just… I still--- worry- for all of you. For the full-time Earth’s mightiest heroes. Silly, huh?” you muttered self-depreciatingly and when your eyes met, you were startled by the intensity he watched you with as you laid your fears bare in front of him, leaving you vulnerable. You swiftly looked away and dropped your hands. “Here, almost as good as new.”

A lump grew in your throat as you stripped your gloves, tossing them into the bin. Did you reveal too much? Didn’t it sound silly indeed as you said it out loud? Yes, you were all friendly with each other, but you were supposed to be a professional, focused on your task, not getting distracted by-

-by Steve gently grasping your wrist, causing your heart to skip a startled beat. Definitely not getting weak in the knees when you shot him a surprised glance and he just… brought your hand to his face, lips briefly skimming over your knuckles.

Jesus Christ, Lord have mercy with me.

“Don’t you ever apologize for caring. Don’t stop caring. Silly is the last thing I’d call it.”

Your cheeks felt like set on fire, stomach fluttering as well as your heart. You could feel the ghost of Steve’s lips on your skin, sending your heartrate sky-high, causing your head to spin a bit, your body hot all over.

Did he really—did he just-? And did it mean that… did it mean anything at all?

He let go of your hand, thumb brushing over your knuckles, but held your gaze adamantly as he gave you a sad smile and rose to his feet, clearly ready to leave.

You, on the hand, stood there frozen, mind racing.

Why had he done that? Was he really just trying to express gratitude and say sorry for his previous behaviour? Because that was not the way it was supposed to be done, because such tenderness left you entirely bewildered. Was he trying to tell you he was somehow interested in something more than friendship? Was he just high from the anaesthetic, mind you, local one that was not supposed to mess with his brain? Was there any sign of a head injury you missed?

“Thank you, again,” he whispered softly, moving to sidestep you and your hand instinctively shot out, latching onto his forearm… gently.

You gulped, heart stuttering when he glanced at you, puzzled.

One part of you wanted to sink into the floor in embarrassment at your unwitting reaction. Another part of you observed him so closely that you would swear that there was another emotion in his eyes and it was neither apology nor gratitude. You wistfully hoped for longing, the same longing you felt when you were near him, sometimes distant and barely there, other times so acute it hurt.

With your stomach somersaulting in doubt, you willed yourself to raise your free hand slowly, purposely giving him a chance – Lord, please, don’t let him take it – to stop you before your palm settled on his cheek.

You were certain you experienced a small cardiac arrest when Steve not only didn’t avoid the touch, but actually leaned into it, gaze fixed on your face, eyes brighter and softer than you ever remembered seeing. Your gaze flickered to his mouth deliberately, throat turning dry. Too daring? He kissed you knuckles, surely you could reciprocate some affection?

Swallowing against your dry throat, you leaned in before you could change your mind and dropped the briefest peck to his lips, causing his eyelids to flutter shut.

Oh no. Oh no no no no, you totally crossed a line-

You went to retreat your hands from him, but the second you moved, his eyes were snapping open, hand covering yours on his face to keep it there, the other cradling your face and then there was a warm and soft sensation on your own lips as he seized them with his.

Your mind went completely blank save two single thoughts: Steve is kissing me. I really like that.

A small sound escaped you, a blend of surprise and contentment, breaking you from your trance and turning you into an actual participant of the pleasant and entirely unexpected activity.

You drew in a small breath, head spinning from the scent of Steve’s shampoo, disinfectant, sweat and something you couldn’t quite put your finger on and not caring.

He tasted faintly of blood, but otherwise was nothing but sweet as his lips caressed yours, gently tugging at your lower lip and then the upper, the lightest graze of teeth and tease of tongue, finger pressing into your jaw to pull you closer, thumb stroking your cheek.

You whimpered involuntarily when his lips parted from yours, soothing as they returned for a short peck, to drop a brief kiss to the corner of your mouth, to brush your cheek.

Your name was a breathy whisper between the two of you, barely audible as all you could hear was your heartbeat pulsing frantically in your ears, growing aware of your fingers clutching at Steve’s still unzipped armour and nearly sinking in his hair, his hot breath tickling your skin.

You didn’t dare to open your eyes – what if you dreamed it up? What if you looked at him and saw regret – it didn’t feel like he would be regretting it, but… still. Insecurity tugged at your mind as it slowly cleared from the literally breath-taking kiss.

Steve repeated your name with urgency that was unheard of, the single word sounding almost as a plea.

“Please say something.”

Oh.

You blinked your eyes open, surprised to be met with his searching gaze, a minute furrow of his brows. It seemed you weren’t the only one whose mind was being the worst of one’s enemies.

Perhaps your brain was being stupid. Perhaps you both wanted this. Perhaps you felt exactly the same.

As you forced yourself to move, fingers actually slipping into his hair to caress his nape, Steve inhaled shakily, shoulders slumping. The tinniest of smiles tugged at his mouth, tempting red and minutely swollen from the kiss; you had to resist the urge to just taste it again.

Instead, you licked your lips only, savouring the previous sensations, smiling unwittingly.

“That’s… uhm, that’s a really creative new way of driving me crazy.”

Steve’s eyebrows rose along with one corner of his mouth, relief written all over his face.

“Oh? There are other ways in which I’m driving you crazy? Because I couldn’t tell...”

You narrowed your eyes, but you didn’t think he bought you unconvincing act of being irritated with him at such remark.

“Don’t push it, Captain,” you warned him, but your treacherous mouth kept curling up in a smile, your body still buzzing with aftershocks of the kiss.

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“Uh-huh… s-sure,” you stuttered briefly as his thumb caressed your cheek, bright smiling eyes watching only inches from your face – and yet it felt like he was too far.

“You’re driving me crazy too, you know,” he noted in a breathy voice, causing you to gulp as his gaze flickered to your mouth, clearly implying how you do so… among other ways… like your stubbornness practically matching his.

“Oh really? I do? I couldn’t tell…”

He chuckled, his hand slipping to your nape, soft tickle of his fingers making you squirm.

“I’m gonna kiss you again now if that’s okay,” he whispered, not waiting for your permission and erasing the distance between your lips again.

Still, you whispered your approval to his mouth.

“So okay…”

Long moments later when Sam called out to warn you that you’d be landing soon, you said yes to the grumpy old man’s request to let him treat you dinner.

Oh if you only knew by then how far you’d come…

Lost in thought, goofy smile on your face, you exited the bathroom, ready to snuggle your future husband… and to fully take the opportunity to make love, last night before you officially became his and he became yours.

You had a brief second to register that the bed was empty, your heart skipping a started and disappointed beat. The second you stepped out though, you were literally swept off your feet.

A yelp erupted from your throat as you found yourself with no ground under your feet and high in the air, one of Steve’s arms under your knees, the other under your back. Your hands frantically gripped at the nearest firm point, Steve’s shoulder and arm as you finally realized what the hell happened and was met with a cheeky grin and sparkling blue of his eyes.

That traitor was waiting just by the door to ambush you! Why?

You slapped his very much bare shoulder playfully, hissing a curse, not unaware of the heat radiating of him and seeping into your skin.

“You jerk! You almost gave me a heart attack!” you complained, but he didn’t even have the decency to look apologetic.

“Sorry, sweetheart.”

“No, you’re not.”

Steve grinned wider, shrugging and pulling you closer to his torso, nuzzling your temple and dropping a placatory kiss there.

“Still looking a little cold.”

“No, I look like this because you scared me,” you emphasized, vainly trying to resist the seduction; a mixture of playfulness, sweetness and blatant display of strength as he still held you with ease. It was hard not to be temped. “And you look like you’re awfully warm, parading here without a shirt.”

“Well, I’d call us even since you’re parading around in these absolutely sinful shorts. Makes me hot. I can warm you up,” he mumbled to your skin, lips moving to your ear, causing you to shudder.

How was it so easy for him to make you all hot and bothered? You guessed that at least, as he said, it made you even... it wasn’t difficult to get him riled up either.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Driving you crazy?” Steve offered, sounding awfully delighted at the idea and you only melted into him further at the reminiscence of your first kiss and what followed.

“Always,” you confirmed, deadly serious, but you couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of your lips or the mewl that escaped you when his teeth grazed the shell of your ear, warm breath tickling the sensitive skin of your neck.

“But you love it.”

“Uh-huh…”

“I can live with that with that then,” he said, stalking to the bed determinately. “Now let me drive you so crazy you can barely speak and the only sound you’re making is whimpering my name.”

He all but tossed you on the bed, a yelp of his name in fact erupting from your throat, followed by a fit of giggles that only died when his mouth seized yours, his lips only leaving when heading south to indeed drive you crazy.

And yes; you loved it.

And you loved him too.

In one unending moment I fall within your reach My song a sweet surrender Hold on to me Hold on to me

Before the girls could steal you from him, Steve decided – with your enthusiastic agreement – that you should once again try how it felt to make some morning lovin’ outside marriage. With the ceremony planned for the late afternoon, you had plenty of time; and needless to say, it was bliss. Then again, you believed that marital sex with Steve would be just as delightfully pleasant, thank you very much.

Then, it was a whirlwind – make up, hair, dress, a tear or two spilled when you saw the result in the mirror.

More tears spilled when you glanced out of the window and saw the tastefully and modestly decorated arch, the path created by few scattered rose petals, the male part of your almost family sans Clint in the suits, effectively hiding Steve from you; and you from his just in case, because no one wanted any bad luck.

Your staring was interrupted when your brother went to pick you up to lead you down the aisle.

Upon entering the room and setting his gaze on you, he promptly looked away with a sniffle. It both warmed your heart and made you laugh as did his remark.

“Nope, not giving you to him. In fact, I’m never giving you to anyone. No one will ever be worthy, so I’m keeping you.”

“Hush, Clinton, you’ll still have me,” Natasha winked at him as he took a deep calming breath before carefully eyeing you again.

Clearly, it hadn’t done the job, because few tears still found their way down his cheeks.

“You’re a knock-out, sis,” he sputtered hastily, but no less honestly – clearly moved to tears.

And yet… you snorted at his choice of words and he rolled his eyes, quick to compliment your beauty instead.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though, even appreciating his first remark more for it came from the bottom of his heart rather than from what convention required.

Embracing you carefully in fear he would mess up the work of art his wife and other girls created, he held you in his arms for a moment, as you retuned the hug, clutching at his suit with a little too force. From the corner of your eye, you noticed the bridesmaids clearing the room.

“It’s not like I’m leaving you, Bobo,” you hummed with a smile, throwing his own words from last night at him.

And you weren’t leaving him; your heart swelled with love for your brother, your father figure, your long-life friend.

With sniffle, he let go of you and looked you up and down, proud smile spreading on his lips.

“It’s okay. If you are, I have the best spy in the world for a wife, we’ll drag your ass back home.”

You just slapped his chest playfully and took a deep breath – it was time. Clint grasped your hand firmly then, elbows interlocking, and went to step out just a moment after the bridesmaids left to join the groomsmen.

Well-aware everyone was going to stare and that Steve awaited you at the end of the aisle to marry you, your legs were shaking minutely as the magnitude of the event finally dawned to you.

“Getting second thoughts now?” Clint teased you, eliciting a chuckle from you and shake of your head.

What a question.

“No. Just… please don’t let me fall,” you muttered to him, entirely serious and grateful for your choice of footwear – simple flats hidden by the long flowing skirt of your dress. Better chance of not spraining your ankle on your wedding day.

“Never.”

Clint squeezed your hand under his warm palm and you took a deep breath, stepping into the doorway. Soft melody welcomed you, your very own wedding march Bruce was playing on a mouth organ – something you had previously had no idea he was capable of.

Looking up from your skirt, you feasted your eyes on the company and the beautiful scenery for only a regretfully short moment, grateful for Sam’s Redwing programmed to record and take photos.

Your gaze instinctively searched the small crowd instead, until it fell under the arch where three men stood.

One of them was Sam himself, having obtained a licence so he could be your wedding registrar; he looked positively dashing. So did Bucky, who patted his best friend dressed in his old-fashioned green captain uniform on the shoulder, his smirk visible even from tens feet away as he stepped back.

Naturally, your gaze lingered on Steve, your feet acting of their own accord and following your brother’s lead.

Gosh, your future husband was the most handsome and absolutely hottest specimen to ever walk the Earth. Hair combed neatly to one side and in his old army uniform, he truly looked like the gentleman from another era he was and yet, he undeniably belonged exactly where he was. His eyes were bright and blue just like the sky, lips slightly parting before curling up into a brilliant smile which somehow still carried the tenderness he treated you with when he felt particularly affectionate.

He must have uttered something under his breath, because Bucky pressed his lips together as if he was holding back laugh. The absolutely best best man, ladies and gentleman.

Your found yourself smiling just as widely, a stray tear tickling the corner of your eye and you had to fight the sudden urge to ditch Clint in order to gather your skirts and run the rest of the way just to jump into Steve’s arms.

But in reality, there was no rush – here, on the damn island Tony rented, there was so much time that one short walk meant nothing in comparison.

“Alright, maybe I’ll give you to him,” Clint whispered, making you bite the inside of your cheek so you would cackle.

Leave it to your brother he would find Steve Rogers so fine he’d be willing to give you out just to have him become a part of your family.

One corner of Steve’s lips twitched in amusement – supersoldier hearing didn’t miss the remark then. Good. Then Bucky heard it too and you had a witness just in case Clint would change his mind. Again.

Finally, with your heart almost in your throat, you reached the end of the aisle, Clint gently putting your hand into Steve’s… without letting go.

“You be nice to her, Cap. And I mean really nice, you hear? Or else-“

“Hush,” you hissed good-naturedly in your brother’s direction, winking at him before you returned your gaze to Steve. “Hey there, handsome.”

Steve chuckled under his breath when Clint stepped back. He returned the greeting with soft ‘hey there, beautiful’ and then proceeded to lift your joined hands, brushing your knuckles with his lips – just like the day you shared your first kiss.

Well now you truly found yourself on the verge of crying. And Lord, you wanted to kiss him so much-

Sam cleared his throat loudly, casting you both a meaningful look as if he could read your mind and wanted to remind you that there were a few things to go through before that could happen.

Ugh. Formalities. Just let me kiss him…

Steve licked his lips – the audacity! – and turned, lightly tugging at your hand so you both faced your friend who held a little leather book open, beckoning towards the guests: Bucky and Natasha, the best man and the best woman, Clint, Bruce, Tony, Vision, Wanda, Sharon, Pepper. Just your closest friends and family.

Sam cleared his throat again.

“Alright. We all know why we gathered here today. To get these two amazing people married, so they could officially become a special team within our team.”

You grinned, peripherally noticing Steve eyeing you as well. Team indeed.

“This is the part where I would ask all of you, bride and groom included, to speak up now if you’re aware of anything standing in the way of this wedlock or to remain silent forever. But frankly, if you have something to say, right now is the perfect time to keep it to yourself. Just let these lovebirds get married…”

Muffled laughter and giggles erupted from your group. Honestly, you wouldn’t say it better. You noticed Clint shifting and Natasha forcefully holding his hand down; you bit down on your lip so you wouldn’t laugh and sent her a grateful smile instead. The best maid of honour ever.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear, folks. We have the rings, correct? Great. Just so you know, these two saps asked me to read one vow which they are making to each other, because they didn’t trust themselves to say theirs individually without bursting into tears. So now it’s left to me to cry instead. Thanks for that.”

Your cheeks were honestly starting to hurt from smiling so wide, but tears prickled in your eyes acutely just at the thought of the vow you agreed on. You spent countless hours thinking about what you wanted to say and realized that your vow would be too long and that you would in fact start crying and that you could never name all the things you loved Steve for. It had been a relief to find out that Steve shared the sentiment and the deal was made.

Natasha and Bucky dutifully laid the rings on the pillow Wanda’s powers held levitating by your and Steve’s side – not without Bucky finding a split second to compliment your appearance and earning a brief smirk from Steve.

“I know,” Steve uttered and you wondered if there was a dare going around as to who would make you burst out laughing first.

This was your wedding dammit. You could be at least a bit a lady and remain collected.

Hardly.

“With this ring,” Sam started, breathing in and out and you knew you already lost, first tear rolling down your cheek as you gazed into Steve’s inviting eyes, “I give myself to you without giving up myself. With this ring, I surrender to you for I have faith you understand the value of wielding such power and for I deem you worthy of it. With this ring, I promise to love you, to respect you and to support you to be your best self as I trust you to do the same for me, for us.”

You blinked away the waterfalls, reaching almost blindly for Steve’s ring and with fingers trembling – with giddiness, not nerves – you somehow succeeded at slipping it on his left ring finger.

“I do,” you whispered, your voice cracking even in such simple sentence and the watery smile Steve graced you with made your ribcage feel too small for your swelling heart.

Fingers equally clumsy, he slipped a ring on you as well, shoulders squaring as if in pride.

“I do,” he said firmly, the damp path down his left cheek only adding severity to his vow.

“You may-- uhm, okay, you may kiss the bride, your wife--- I mean, Mrs. Rogers. You may kiss the groom, your husband…” Sam mumbled under his breath until he didn’t, because Steve pulled you in for a kiss the same moment Sam said the first ‘may’ and incidentally, the same moment you practically threw yourself at Steve.

Laughter and whistles erupted from the group of your friends as Steve bend you back dramatically, the determined press of his lips to yours not at all disrupted by the change of angle, claiming your mouth in ways that made you shudder and stirred flames in your belly.

Years and years later, you’d recall that kiss and realized an amazing thing; how it felt just like your first kiss, your last one, and every single one in between.

With you still practically horizontal, Steve’s crinkling eyes met yours, delighted smile on his kiss-swollen lips.

“I love you, Mrs. Rogers,” he hummed, adding a cheeky grin. “You’re stuck with me now.”

“The horror,” you muttered back teasingly, pulling at his nape, demanding another kiss, your own declaration whispered to his mouth. “I love you too, Mr. Rogers.”

And you did. Gosh, you did.

S.R. masterlist

(divider by firefly-graphics)

Well. This turned out SO DIFFERENTLY than I anticipated and SO MUCH LONGER. If you feel like leaving feedback, I’ll be grateful. If not, well. *shurgs*

Excuse me while I go and continue dreaming of ONE fictional man. Ugh. Anyway.

Thank you for reading!

And once again, thanks to WIYBUPT for hosting and for just being awesome in general :)

#catfa 10th anniversary challenge #fanfiction #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers fluff #barton reader #barton reader fic #captain america x reader #captain america x you #captain america imagine #steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers fafiction #steve rogers fanfic #my timid hello my clumsy goodbye #anika ann

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